#Ditch that zero and get with this hero

[fenharelapproves]

I need more Ancient Solas and Modern Genevieve for my mental health

[theonion]

Describing the time-tested method as a nearly guaranteed way of attracting a mate’s interest, a report released Thursday by Columbia University’s Department of Social Psychology found that the best pickup technique remained approaching a woman and saying “Ditch this zero and get with a hero.” “Our findings suggest this short phrase has an almost magnetic effect on women, who are often so impressed that they drop their partner immediately in order to start dating this apparently high-status suitor,” said Professor Henry Upton, who noted that stating “Hey babe, how about you ditch this zero and get with a hero?” was equally effective regardless of whether the woman was married, single, or simply out getting drinks with a friend.

Full Story

[whinelo]

OP! Reader x X, reader got isekaied into TBHX and is not affected by the trust system, and is being a cryptid and doing their own thing there, confusing and piquing X’s interest, not understanding why she’s so powerful and not causing so much chaos. Just an idea that was in my mind :3

A/N : OP reader is just a silly goober why is she getting hunted down by the commission free her asap she’s just whimsy. X poking at a bear ( reader ) is so funny hehe, just imagine meeting someone far more powerful than you and your first reaction is to tease them- smh. Reader’s height is below 190 cm so.. sorry to my tall readers out there :,) I got carried away with the word count too..

CHARACTERS | X ( Bai Xizhuang ), Reader ( You )

SYNOPSIS | 'The Second Coming of Zero' They dubbed your existence, you don't actually do anything bad- the public is just making ooc headcanons of you lol.

INCLUDES | Slight religious reference, X is a cryptid, the Hero Commission is a warning too, Cryptid X likes to tease friendly eldritch Cryptid Reader, ( have you ever thought of punting this man to another galaxy? ), cryptid to cryptid communication.

[ Name ]

X

Queen

[ RELOADING ]

X

Queen

Dragonboy

It was an ‘error’ the commission said, just a fault within the rankings— ‘[ Name ] does not exist, this person does not exist’ The commission said. But the public cried- why would that suddenly happen? They asked, no answer. Who is this [ Name ]? A person who managed to stay at pinnacle until their name was forcefully removed. Why would the rankings suddenly display such a specific name? Why not ‘error’, or maybe even a line of broken jumbled code?

The leader board has remained so reliable over the years, why break now?

So many questions, so little answers— a mystery shrouded upon more mysteries, a ‘person’ of unknown origins, a being with immense power.

Reliable journalism companies such as ‘Focus’ tried to keep to under wraps, better yet- Tried to bury the outcry in some cold ditch, but when news like this is fresh and piping hot- y’know how society gets. Panicky, fidgety, curious— yet fearful of the unknown. It was like a domino effect, the moment a social media post gets seen by enough people- the faster the news spread, the harder it is to contain.

The harder it is to ignore.

The commission had a meeting, ‘The Second coming of Zero’— They feared- and while common sense was lacking in that very meeting room, a thought was expressed- “ If they really are such a threat- why haven’t they done anything yet? “ Congratulations, someone managed to figure out that you weren’t some malicious entity hoping to destroy the globe. You watched beyond the normal eyes, you knew what most didn’t.

Back at home, this universe was just fiction- a story you found comfort in.

Now it’s reality, you live here now—- For who knows how long, and watching as how people scurried to find hints and tidbits of your identity- scouring the globe, trying to grasp at invisible threads.. It was fascinating, diving into the depths of the nigh-infinite internet, investigating people that had a name similar to your own- Searching within every hospital, every medical center— Just to find out who [ Name ] is.

Bare their hands were.

.. They were looking for a drop of clean water within the dirty ocean, it was impossible.

You didn’t belong here, you were brought here.

Hence you had no legal identity, no recorded biology, nothing.

You were as unknown as could be, known by name- and nothing else, everyone knew you- no one knew you.

And while you said you weren’t malicious, you weren’t wholly good either— The story that partakes in this world is not yours to direct, not yours to alter— Never yours to change in the first place. Because you were a viewer, you know this world from the eyes of a viewer- a watcher, an observer.

Which made sense, if this world truly wanted you as its own, you would’ve re-spawned as a child.

Every day— You spent days theorizing, analyzing- following bread crumbs just to understand this world; How much did this world rely on the Belief System? Is the Hero Commission the ruling power of this world? Just how different was the body composition of the people here? Does religion exist?

If you were born here maybe you would’ve known. But you were transported, body- soul, and mind.

You were basically an entirely different species of human with no blood relation to anyone here, hell— you weren’t even sure if your biological similarities with these people were as similar as your physical makeup- or was it? People here had hair colors that were impossible to obtain in your home world without the means of hair dye, eye colors so uniquely bizarre— And with the Belief System? People had abilities that weren’t even possible at home.

And yet this world rewarded you just for existing here,

Vague memories from back home- you remember that you grinded for Belief Points within the Bxlibxli Website— And while you normally got it from.. Usual means- What moved you to do something.. treacherous, was a split second decision to hack into the code of the website, to alter the points you got— have ( and soon, will have ), and you did.

Zeroes upon zeroes added unto the right side of your original digit— Surpassing millions, billions— Even going beyond with the addition of exponents; sure, rigging the vote for your favorite character’s favor and ensured they held the ‘X’ title for the third season of To Be Hero X— was wrong — but you didn’t care, the definition of favoritism had your name on it and you didn’t care.

It was a fuck it all decision, and the very second to the last decision you’d ever make in your life.

So when you reloaded the site once more and noticed that— it worked, you had the points you definitely didn’t work hard for- You coded another program, one that would automatically give the votes to your favorite— Without you being there physically, maybe the team behind the voting system would remove the absurd amount of votes and possibly your account too, but it didn’t matter- you weren’t going to see it anyway.

Unfortunately fate had it out for you and now you were here— Inside the universe of your comfort show, most people would’ve been ecstatic— You originally were, until you remembered — The commission, the heroes, the cults, the everything — Oh you were cooked.

Until you looked at the hologram that flashed on your wrist—

It was the same.. The same number of points you had given yourself.

And when the world caught wind of it,

… How could you guarantee your own safety without getting caught by the commission— What if you get changed by the system— What if?

Finding about your own abilities was.. Unique to say the least…

—

There was a few hours that the Belief System stopped working.

No hologram on your wrist, no powers— As if it never existed in the first place,

But then it came back.

At first everyone shrugged it off as a ‘them’ situation, but the realization soon dawned upon them that it was a collective experience— No one knew what exactly happened, but they knew exactly what was lost.

The Commission knew exactly who it was, it was Mystery- The name they gave [ Name ], was it a ploy to make her sound more inhuman? Maybe it was. The Commission finally figured out Mystery’s ability— Power over the Belief System as a whole, they realized that this ‘being’ wasn’t the second Zero— They were worse, more powerful— far beyond the system’s means, far beyond comprehensible power.

But their fear for the apocalypse was irrational.

X was well aware that this event was caused by a person, so as the media dubbed ‘Mystery’— ( Now, the bigger question is why they dubbed this person ‘Mystery’ and not ‘random nobody’ like they did with him— ) Someone that was able to take the world by a storm just by existing— And he was curious, how were you able to obtain such an absurd power just to be able to do such?

While it was hilarious to think that you possibly got the trust of every extraterrestrial being in the universe ( if there were any ), or the trust of every single microorganism to exist— It was just a theory, nothing solid to create an actual reason.

In this game of chess he wondered- Who would you be? What purpose, what role will you serve in this twisted manipulation of fate?

Being able to end the system.. He doubted that would be your only trick in the book, he was curious— painfully so, sadly he had a job to work— and as a corporate wage-slave, he knew that gathering information on you would come at a later time ( preferably one where he’s free from the shackles of his cover-up corporate job. ) So making use of his time, he’d strategize in the meanwhile.

Was he potentially playing with fire just by coming into contact with you? Potentially, but the very nature of your existence confused him— Were you the exception to the madness of ultimate power?

And if so, then is the commissions fear irrational?

“ Guys! “ Looking up from his laptop screen, in the middle of his office his boss stood out- No. No not again. Please don’t say it.

His boss clasped his hands together, stern as ever- as his wrinkled face looked at them all. “ Considering we’re behind on schedule and we have a deadline to meet, we’ll be working overtime until eleven p.m alright? “ Screw you. Bai Xizhuang thought bitterly, and judging by the same dejected look his co-workers shared— This was going to be another long day of hard work.

‘Maybe I should quit to do Hero work full-time.’ Though he’d never act upon such an enticing thought, Bai Xizhuang had to restrain himself from actually doing it so that he’d pass off as a normal citizen once more.

—

..Now what does he have here?

Considering the nature of the Belief System, and the sheer amount of mass hysteria you’ve garnered— X thought that you’re appearance would be more.. ‘Eldritch’, to be completely honest with himself he expected to be faced with a being who’s form is an incomprehensible amalgamation of tethered limbs, and congregations of stars and cosmos..

Instead, X saw a completely ‘normal’ human being ( uncanny albeit, ) wandering across the empty city streets- gasping and wide-eyed at the environment, sometimes stopping by to look through the windows of a closed shop. This wasn’t what he expected at all, then again what did X expect in the first place?

A being capable of bringing the world to it’s knees.. Acting so abnormally innocent and docile.

Suddenly your gaze quickly turned to the left- His left. “ I know you’re there.. X. “ You spoke- apprehensive, uneasy by his secondary presence— X cocked his head to side before deciding that indeed, there really was no use to hiding anymore when you’ve been caught, red-handed.

With a calm tone, he asked “ Did you now? “ Stepping out of the shadows he stepped closer to you— Wow, you’re much shorter than he expected. You looked up at him, brows furrowed as you tried to discern his own reason for coming to you— Say could he ask if you could be his arm rest—?

Raising your arms, “ .. I’m not here to cause havoc- I swear, “ You explained, averting your gaze- The swift air blew against the both of you in that dimly lit street- the sound of distant ads acting as background music- Feeling the need for a drink, X snapped his fingers a can of Iced Cola appeared from thin air- a muffled sound resounded as he caught it within the palm of his hand.

Giving a sly grin, he then teased “ Now, aren’t you excited? Don’t go answering questions- I, haven’t asked yet. “ He shrugged, opening the can as he brought it towards his lips- Sipping the fruity carbonated liquid, now which can is this- the 22nd can.. or the 23rd? Inserting his hand into his pocket.

Your brow then raised,“ So.. you were going to ask that? “ you ask in utter monotony, giving him a deadpan look as you watched him take a sip from his soda.

“ Maybe, “ Deciding to remain vague, ( on purpose ) he then removed the can from his lips- Gulping down the liquid.

“ What are you doing alone in this cold night, anyway? “ X followed up, gaze towards the can in his hands- feeling the coldness of the droplets contrasted greatly to the warmth within his palms.

“ Kinda' obvious that I’m just wandering around.. “

X hummed, “ Mhm.. “

“I have a question, “ You piped up, “ Shoot it, “ X responded, curious.

Taking a breath, you looked at him determined— “ Why do you wear shades at night? “

“ ..How about we don’t talk about that? “ X shot down.

[lacunammmm]

We talked about how much LoV are a bunch of loser. And what about the heroes?

Let’s cut to the chase: Hero society in MHA is a rotten system, and the story kinda fumbles its own critique.

First off, the heroes are hypocrites, full stop. They drag kids into warzones, park high-value targets in hospitals they know villains will attack, and stay silent when one of their own gets exposed as a domestic abuser or a murderer-for-hire. Endeavor screams about Shoto being his “masterpiece” (read: tool) in public, and nobody cares. Not All Might, not the media—nobody. If the #2 hero can openly treat his kid like a science project and still get worshipped, what’s stopping other heroes from doing worse behind closed doors? Spoiler: nothing.

Then there’s the redemption double standard. Lady Nagant murders people for the government, pulls a half-hearted “I’m sorry,” and gets to walk free because she’s “useful.” She chooses to stay in Jail. Hawks would have let her out. Meanwhile, Stain—who at least had principles, even if they were insane—gets butchered for trying to save All Might. Machia? Brainwashed, used as a meat shield, and left to die. But Gentle Criminal, a dude who wanted to be a hero before life kicked him down? He gets a cozy ending with his girlfriend. The lesson? If you’ve ever dreamed of being a hero, the system will cut you slack. If not? Enjoy the ditch.

And let’s not pretend the heroes have moral high ground. They break rules, cover up crimes, and let abusers keep their jobs—just like real-world power structures. Cops with 40% domestic abuse rates? Swap “cops” for “pro heroes” and it’s the same story. Endeavor isn’t a freak exception; he’s the product of a system that says, “Be strong, and you can do whatever you want.” The narrative acts like his abuse is a personal failure, but where are the checks and balances? The oversight? Nowhere.

The kicker? The story wants us to root for these heroes while also showing them as incompetent, reactive, and morally bankrupt. They win not because they’re better, but because the villains are written to trip over their own shoelaces. At the end of the day, it’s all monkeys flinging shit—heroes just have nicer costumes.

TL;DR: MHA points out hero society’s flaws but chickens out on dismantling them. It’s all “Endeavor feels bad now!” and zero “Let’s burn this corrupt system down.” So yeah, why should we respect these heroes? They’re just villains with better PR, who get rewarded with a completely unearned utopian ending that magically solved all of the issues off screen. You see, the problem with All Might beating All For One to death is that he didn't do it on live TV and in front of witnesses, and he also didn't finish the job. Deku beat Shigaraki into dust, and so that solved crime forever. That's why he's better than All Might and the greatest hero.

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

So i hope its okay... Can i request arven penny nemona and kieran Meeting a pokemon Trainer that is basiclly Pokemon sword/shield MC and maybe hop or marni come to visit? Or it can just be Just the Trainer i wouldn't mind anyway here's the team

A inteleon is kinda like a big brother to the team but still is Sometimes mischevous

Zamazenta who May look cold but is essentialy a big puppy

Gerdevoir who kinda has a sibling like rivaly with with salazle on who's stronger

Salazle who is a little diva but both her or gardevoir will beat you up if you insult the other

And a sylveon and glaceon who are like peas in a pod and will go out to defend the other if something happend

Anyway you don't have to write it if you don't want to since its kinda long and have a good day/night 💜💛

Arven

Apparently saving a region from an ecological crisis wasn't your first rodeo..as you've done this in Galar too.

After sharing stories of how you became champion, prevented Chairman Rose from causing a second "Darkest Day" with Eternatus, revived the Hero Duo (with Zamazenta being living proof), etc...Arven's fully convinced you need a vacation.

Funny enough, Paldea was meant to be your fresh start and a way to begin your studies like a normal kid.

But of course that didn't happen.

Facing the Titan Pokémon together reminds you of the Dynamaxed ones, but you thanked Arceus they weren't that gigantic nor have any brutal G-Max moves.

When it comes to food, Arven learns you can make a mean curry dish, often trading each other recipes.

In fact, you've made so many types that your team is just happy to eat whatever you've cooked up.

Speaking of which..your current team is the same one from Galar. You decided they were ready for a new adventure in a new region by your side.

Inteleon, once a timid Sobble, tended to sneak bites of curry/sandwiches from the others, but otherwise acts like a cool older brother to your team.

His Snipe Shot is deadly and he lowkey missed being able to Gigantamax, although he likes how flashy he becomes when terastalized.

Zamazenta actually enjoys belly rubs, discovering this only after witnessing Arven give Mabosstiff pets on the stomach.

Gardevoir and Salazzle have been rivals since they were a Ralts and Salandit, having a few sparring matches during camps/picnics.

But trust they will BOTH go on the offense if anyone dared hurt the other. Arven witnessed this firsthand down in Area Zero when an Iron Hands attacked Salazzle with a ground move, and Gardevoir's Moonblast absolutely destroyed it.

Finally, Sylveon and Glaceon were two inseparable Eevees. You couldn't catch one without taking the other with you, and ever since then they've stuck together like glue, even evolving at the same time.

When Hop and Marni visited you in Paldea (whether to just travel or study abroad), Arven gets a little jealous that they were your friends before he was..but learns to get along with them.

Penny

Assuming she was studying abroad in Galar (after ditching Team Star) when the events of SWSH took place, she definitely would have seen your face around social media and on nearly ever TV station.

She knew you defeated Leon in the championship.

But she NEVER would've guessed it was you who also stopped the second Darkest Day from happening--and quelled Eternatus, of all things.

It was like you were the protagonist of some epic anime, doing all this heroic stuff yet being so casual when talking about it to her, Arven, and Nemona.

But she wants to hear all about your adventures!

Even though she was a little jealous you did all these cool things while she had to continue her studies.

She's thrilled to meet your Sylveon and Glaceon, finding their strong bond to be sweet and similar to her own Eeveelutions.

If you went to Crown Tundra, she immediately asks if you met her father and apologizes on his behalf if he was too overbearing.

But you amuse her with the story of how Calyrex kept temporarily possessing his body to speak to you.

The first time you brought out Zamazenta, Penny was a little intimidated by the way it looked at her menacingly...

Until it does the same thing Miraidon/Koraidon did to her during Operation Starfall:

And that is tackle her in kisses and icky wolf slobber.

She wonders why all your Legendaries do this to her..

Underneath the gruff, tough, and battle-hardened appearance, it turns out that it's really just a giant puppy longing to be spoiled like a Growlithe.

Nemona

Right from the get-go, she knew you were Galar's most recent champion and wanted to see how you fight.

Of course, that meant you had to adapt from the Dynamaxed battles you were so accustomed to and get used to Terastalized battles instead.

But you're a quick learner.

In fact your Inteleon, despite being at a disadvantage against her Pawmot, still managed to sweep half her team.

Sometimes you'll have your Paldea starter in your party in place of Zamazenta, but when you brought the shield wolf out for the first time during a picnic...Nemona was in awe.

"So THIS is one of the legendary heroes that Ms. Raifort taught us about????" She gawks, especially as you bring out the rusted shield and let it transform.

Penny made a good point: you may as well be a modern-day hero of Galar yourself!

She also wanted to hear all about your trials and tribulations with the gym challenge, having seen your battle on television and how Leon congratulated you for winning the championship.

Ngl it made her tear up the first time she rewatches it with you, proud of how you were still eager to finish it even though the Second Darkest Day interrupted the match and almost destroyed the whole region.

It lowkey made her feel bad when you, her, and the others had to go down to Area Zero and prevent another disaster that would've also unleashed dangerous Pokémon all across the region...

Yeah, you definitely needed a break and a chance to feel like a normal trainer.

And what better way to do that than to battle Nemona again and again?

Kieran

When you first met in Kitakami, you never struck him as the type to be Galar's Champion (as well as its savior from the second Darkest Day--the first one being an event he read about in books).

It's not something you liked to brag about anyways. So you downplayed your experiences while talking to him during the signboard project.

All he knew was that you lived in Galar and participated in the gym challenge. That's it.

Only when you show up to BB Academy does he overhear people talking about you like you're some celebrity, and he realizes you've been keeping even more secrets from him...

"Did you hear?? The Galar Champion is joining the league club!"

"I heard they reawakened Zacian and Zamazenta! They brought the heroes of Galar back to life!"

He refuses to believe it up until the moment you two battle, where Gardevoir and Salazzle worked incredibly well together, before you sent out Zamazenta near the very end.

Ofc Kieran is FURIOUS, screaming about how you lied to him yet again and "never changed".

"You told me you were just a normal kid from Galar...WHAT ELSE HAVE YOU BEEN KEEPING FROM ME?!!"

It's so unfair. You're hailed as a hero in a different region, you held two (and eventually three) champion titles, AND you have Zamazenta on your side...while he's a nobody from Kitakami who gave up so much and worked so hard--only to realize he'll never be even half as great as you.

How could he ever be like you with so many achievements under your belt?

But after you two become friends again (with you apologizing for not fully telling him the truth about yourself), Hop called you in hopes of visiting the academy's Terarium to research the Pokémon there.

You introduce him to Kieran, and they have a long chat about their rivalry with you.

Things get a little awkward when Hop rambles about his constant losses against you and his desires to become stronger (plus his struggle to step out of Leon's shadow), only to find his true calling as a professor in the end.....before asking Kieran how he coped.

"...oh um...I-I didn't really cope that well. I got jealous and bitter and..let's just say I wasn't very nice to [y/n]." He mutters, feeling ashamed.

"Awh really? But you seem like a nice chap now!" Your Galarian rival/friend tries cheering him up, although he understood his pain and felt that same humiliation several times before.

But Kieran did learn a thing or two from him, just like he did from Nemona. Battling was still his calling, but he forgot how to have fun with it, and he needed that reminder.

He mentions trading you an Applin, and Hop does a spit-take, asking if he knew what that meant (or if you told him).

If so, then he congratulates you both on your new relationship.

If not, then you let Kieran google it on your rotomphone...

Before he buries his face into Zamazenta's fur a few seconds later, trying to hide his worsening blush while you and Hop just laugh.

[isan0rt]

Crest Beast Dedue as an obvious counterpoint to Hegemon Edelgard is so important to me thematically and narratively I'm fucking VIBRATING that Crest Beast Dedue is getting acknowledgement in Heroes holy fuck!!

Like he really does do the same shit in CF that Edelgard does every other route!! He's not even afraid (same as her) he just sees no other way to achieve their goal anymore without this extreme, last-ditch hail Mary play. Dedue always thinks about the big picture and knows if Edelgard isn't stopped there it's over anyway so this is just the thing he has to do to maybe give them a chance.

It's such a telling thing he does!! It says so much about his personality and how far he is willing to go to achieve the future he and Dimitri dreamed about. I love it about him so much that he makes that choice with ZERO hesitation.

Also he looks REALLY cool doing it in the art for the alt lmao. Look at those eyes. He doesn't give a FUCK. I'm so hyped!! I'm so hyped!!!! FEH you have rights this one time I'm gonna be talking about this all week!!!

[n3ptoonz]

Part 2 of MK1 men pushing the reader to a wall while kissing them, please? 😊

i mean i GUESS i can do that 🤭 since you asked so nicely! part one here

how liu kang, reiko, sub-zero, havik, johnny cage, scorpion, and geras go about pushing reader to the wall while kissing them

just know it may not show the long pauses i took while writing this but know IT HAPPENED!! THE THINGS I DO FOR YALL🫵🏾don't say i never did none😫

havik's regeneration mentioned. i've also been told havik looks like that on purpose so like, let's act like he can make his face go back to where it was for the sake of shits, giggles, and pandering XD

tags: @luna18night20 @momopad

warnings: suggestive, fluff elements, indigo tried her best, there will not be a part 3 im sorry y'all 💔 BUT shao and kenshi are here

Liu Kang

Liu Kang was rarely ever rough with you. In fact, the only way he'd do it is if you either verbally say it's fine, or if he knows you're poking the bear just to get a reaction. And when you get a reaction...there's no going back. You've kissed with your back to the wall several times, and every time was gentle and loving and laced with care. However, if you've presented that you were that desperate for him to give you the attention you deserve, he will gladly be a little rougher in pushing you back with his lips on yours. Just be prepared for him to leave some handprints on your waist.

Reiko

Reiko is a warrior. Hardened by battle and discipline, so the way he kisses you usually starts off that way. He can't help it. Not only is it the way he was raised and what he was told a man is "supposed to be", but it also came with how his partners were to be treated. When it came to you his sense of duty and protection spiked every single time. So here you were, well within his unintentional bear hug as your back was against the wall. His kisses always started off like he was going away to war/fight (because he usually was) but he would eventually melt and become smoother because you're by his side.

Sub-Zero

Bi-Han, a truly complex character. I believe that whoever captures his heart will be the main obsession in his life. In this case, it is you. He constantly needs to be on you, around you, see you, hear you, you name it. He can't get enough of your lips and this is especially apparent the way he's almost always pushing you to the wall while kissing you. Can we blame him? He's a tall hunk of touch-starved and the only thing that will satiate that hunger is roughly making out with you every chance he gets all while still knowing how to treat you like a porcelain antique.

Havik

Havik...this guy. Even though I'm pretty sure it's not canon I still feel like he'd regenerate and degenerate for fun and for different purposes/occasions. For the sake of my sanity I can say I found him fine as hell before his face got fucked up, and so did you. But you don't mind him either way because you love his crazy ass. Allow me to set the scene: You say something snappy to get his attention and boom...he regenerates his facial wounds just to back you against the wall and shut you up with pure smugness and arrogance behind his kiss. But, this is what you wanted, nonetheless. And you'd do it again!

Johnny Cage

Who's to say Johnny Cage wouldn't try to get you in one of his films just so he could keep getting takes of him backing you to a wall and kissing you? For Elder God's sakes, he's the one who wrote the script! And of course it's something dramatic like him being a villain that captures the hero and tries to convince them to ditch their position to be with him. Dude would totally think he's Loki (did i say that bc i think it would be hot if Loki did that to me? ..don't worry about it!) He's for sure fucking up his takes on purpose and you know this, but you only pretend to be irritated and maybe even fuck up a few yourself.

Scorpion

Kuai Liang, the romantic this man is. Like Liu Kang, he's never rough with you. Except it would take a little more convincing to let him know it's fine for him to act on his feelings when he wants to. With him, his kisses are slow and gentle. They will always start off like that even if he has a hard day. All he wants is to hold you, but it's like whenever your back hits the wall a gear starts turning in his brain. The idea of you having nowhere to go and enjoying it? Not even an Elder God is pulling him from your embrace. He gets handsy and a lot more affectionate around this time; he's kissing your face, neck, and shoulders too, because why the hell not?

Geras

Geras is a special case. He's an immortal who has never experienced romantic love before. So naturally you will have to teach him some things and even point out things he has observed that can be taken as romantic love. But he's still a man who has seen a lot, so this guy knows what kissing is and how to kiss. Surely you didn't think this giant fine ass immortal being didn't know how to treat his partner? Crazy talk! Understand that when you introduce the classic wall kiss by showing him what to do, he's leaning in to kiss you as he lifts you in his arms with no effort to be found and there won't be kissing going on much longer!

a/n: thanks for reading and i hope you enjoyed! collapses onto the ground

[harmless-variety-of-garden-snake]

You Came In Like a Fire, Burned All I Ever Knew

A long time ago (like five weeks) I went into @exhaustedpirate's inbox with an idea for a fic based on the fact that there's a couple of photos that they reblogged of Orville Peck that we both thought were Oliver Stark for a second. I finally finished it! I finished it a while ago, actually, but I didn't get a chance to edit until this last weekend. Josh Russo drags him out to a club for a Heroes and Villains night, talks some sense into him, and chases off patrons who think that Buck is everyone's favorite gay singing cowboy. At home, Buck listens to the music of said cowboy, gets real sad, and texts Tommy. It's mostly going to be on AO3, because it's almost 6k words. You can find that here.

When someone knocks on Buck’s door at 7 PM on a Friday, he doesn't expect it to be Josh. He definitely doesn't expect it to be Josh in a costume that makes him look sort of like a leather Bond villain with a mask.

“We're going out,” Josh says, pressing a mask to Buck’s chest. “To a club. Because your sister brought eight dozen scones to the office today, and you're fucking up my diet.”

Buck takes the mask and looks over his shoulder where he has a pie crust rolled out. “Okay, but—”

“That looks like something that I can put in the fridge while you put on something that makes you look like a hero or villain, because that's the event,” Josh says, pushing his way past Buck.

He chews on his bottom lip for a second. “Okay, but just—don’t handle the dough too much.”

Josh throws a dismissive wave over his shoulder. “I watch Bake Off, I know.”

Buck goes upstairs and stares at his clothes for a long time. He pulls out a pair of black jeans, a Batman logo shirt that Chris had gotten him, and a black button up. It's the closest he can get to a costume with zero notice unless he wants to break out his cowboy costume from Halloween. But thinking about that makes his skin itch from phantom boils and that feeling he gets when he wants to text Tommy.

When he's done getting dressed, he goes downstairs and sees that Josh is eating a spoonful of raw cookie dough and tapping at his phone.

“I don't want to hear it, I know the risks,” Josh says before Buck can speak. He looks up at Buck and makes a face. “God, you look like every guy I used to hook up with in college who would pretend I didn't exist after.”

Buck smooths his hands over the shirt and shrugs. “I'd have talked to you after.”

“That an offer?” Josh teases, his eyes already back on his phone.

“No,” Buck says with an apologetic shrug. “I don't think I really want to hook up with anyone right now.”

Josh tosses the spoon in the sink. “Yeah, but you can't chain yourself to an oven for the rest of your life. So let's go. I give you full permission to ditch me for a hookup, which is big of me.”

“Thanks?” Buck toys with the mask before putting it on. “How do I look?”

“Devastatingly handsome,” Josh says with a sigh. “Come on, you fucking disaster.”

There's an Uber downstairs already waiting for them, and Buck texts Maddie to find out if she put Josh up to this.

Maddie Uhhh NO because otherwise I would be there, too. Have fun ♥️

“So this is just because of the scones?” he asks, and Josh turns his head slowly to stare at him.

“No, Buck, this is not ‘just because of the scones,’” he says, an eerie calm to his voice. “It's also because of the cookies, cakes, pies, tarts, biscuits, pastas, loaves, bread, and pastries that have appeared in the break room at my job almost every single day for weeks. I have gained four pounds, it would've been more, but I've had to start going to the gym a lot. So I am going to get you laid or at least get you to stop using flour as a coping mechanism. Why couldn't you just start doing K or doomscroll TikTok like everyone else?”

Buck ignores the steadily rising eyebrows of the Uber driver in the rearview mirror. “I—I just miss talking to him. But he doesn't want me to, or he'd be here.”

“Not how that works, but we'll get there,” Josh says, patting his knee. “I need alcohol first. And a bear to squeeze after.”

“You're into bears?”

Josh shrugs. “I'm into everything. Aren't you?”

Buck considers it for a moment. “I haven't really thought about it.”

“Jesus chr—at least tell me you've been watching porn,” Josh whines, and Buck shrugs. “For fuck’s sake. I will tip you double if you get us to this club in the next five minutes.”

–

It is fun being out with Josh, who orders them drinks and scares off a guy who greets Buck by squeezing his waist and scaring the shit out of him. They dance a little bit, but it's nothing crazy. They keep a respectable amount of space between their bodies and are dancing more with the crowd than anything else. Buck even finds himself laughing more than once, losing himself in the music and wondering if he should've been going to clubs all along. It's fun, even though he isn't looking to take anyone home.

A guy comes up behind him and he's a solid weight but not quite tall enough that Buck thinks he's anything but a stranger. He must be cute, though, based on the encouraging thumbs up he gets from Josh. Buck leans into the body against his and dances the rest of the song, but when he gets turned and almost kissed, he apologizes and backs off.

“Sorry, I'm with someone!” he shouts over the music, and the guy—who is really hot—shrugs before disappearing into the crowd.

“Yeah, okay, now we need to talk,” Josh says in his ear, grabbing him by the wrist.

They end up in a corner with new drinks while Buck spills the entire story, from the anniversary dinner to the break up, and Josh looks more and more confused as he talks.

“Wait, so you guys just didn't talk about your relationship the entire time you were together?” he asks.

“I mean, we made plans, just for dates and stuff.” Buck shrugs. “I don't know, I kind of liked not having to talk about everything I did wrong that made everyone walk away from me. I thought maybe it meant he might…not.”

Josh groans and takes a long sip of his drink. “Okay, so the fact that he also seemed comfortable with this—to the point where you didn't know he was ever engaged to a woman—didn’t make you think that maybe he also had a luggage carousel full of baggage?”

Buck pokes at the ice in his drink with the cocktail stirrer. “I dunno. I just liked being around him so much, I didn't really think about any of that.”

“Well, of course you liked being around him, you guys spent six months going on dates and fucking like what I imagine to be two extremely buff and athletic rabbits.” Josh pauses. “Okay, sidebar: is he as hung as he seems?”

He flushes and reflexively looks around like someone he knows might pop up and hear him talk about his ex’s dick, because he'd been yelled at a lot by his friends while they were together. “It's—yeah. I mean, I don't know how he seems—”

“Bullshit, but continue.”

“—but there was, like, a long adjustment period,” Buck admits, then frowns. “No pun intended, I guess. I don't know, but he wouldn't let me bottom for the first month and a half until I, uh, got used to everything.”

Josh presses a hand to his chest and sighs. “Be still my beating vagina.”

[greenlantern94to04]

Zero Hour 30th Anniversary Special #1 (October 2024)

OH NO! A residual time vortex left over from Zero Hour has transported us from October 1994 to October 2024! Before a Linear Man comes to take us back to our proper time and/or shoot us with a giant gun, let's look at the Zero Hour 30th Anniversary special that came out this month, and absolutely nothing else. (Not because I don't wanna learn too much about the future to protect the integrity of the timestream, but just because it looks kinda depressing...)

The issue starts with the Kyle Rayner of 2024, who looks exactly like the '94 model, right down to being drawn by Darryl Banks. I'm gonna take this to mean that no dramatic events have happened in Green Lantern comics during the past 30 years and the status quo is pretty much the same.

The one difference seems to be that Kyle can't access Sector 2814 or Earth, for some reason, so he's stuck Green Lanterning in alien planets. He's in one of those planets when a portal opens in front of him and Wally "Flash" West (or a version of him, anyway) comes out, begging for Kyle's help with some sort of universe-destroying threat.

Wally pulls Kyle into the portal, which leads them to a reality where there's a big statue of Batman in front of Wayne Manor. Apparently, they've landed in Earth "Bruce Wayne Doesn't Give a Shit If Anyone Figures It Out." Wally says something about a "Crisis-level event" coming -- which is confirmed when two members of the Fatal Five (the 31st century supervillain team) show up, kill him, and peace out.

Yep, that's a Crisis alright.

In the next section (drawn by Kelley Jones), Kyle has a run-in with Gotham City's protector: Batgirl, who's kind of a gritty badass in this reality and gives Kyle a beatdown because she thinks he killed Wally. However, no amount of prep time can make Batgirl more powerful than a ring that can create anything you want, so Kyle easily traps her in a green bubble and flies her back to Wayne Manor to figure out what the hell's going on. There, they meet a version of Bruce Wayne who never recovered from that little "Bane" incident in 1993, meaning he's still crippled and depressed. But hey, on the upside, he now owns a cool sci-fi wheelchair and sports an even cooler beard.

Kyle ditches the belligerent Bat-people and heads to Metropolis to look for Superman. And sure enough, he finds Superman... 's grave, because, in this world, he never came back after Doomsday killed him. You might notice a pattern emerging here. (This section is drawn by Tom Grummett, who has some experience drawing dead Supes.)

Instead, Kyle meets Supergirl, who's wearing a very "Reign of the Supermen" black costume and immediately starts punching him. We learn that Batgirl called every hero she knows and told them that this green weirdo killed Flash and is probably to blame for the fact that reality seems to be collapsing around them. Supergirl is joined by Azrael, The Ray, and Wonder Woman -- a.k.a. Donna Troy, who, we're told, is someone Kyle once dated (uh, spoilers for post-1994 GL comics!). Donna has no idea who Kyle is, but at least her Lasso of Truth establishes that he's not some Flash-killing reality destroyer.

Obsidian, son of the Golden Age Green Lantern, joins the party. He tells everyone that he (somehow) used his shadow powers to peek across time and found out that other eras have been erased, from Viking times to the Middle Ages to the 1940s. This provides a convenient excuse for this section's artist, the legendary Jerry Ordway, to draw the Justice Society of America for the 1940th time.

The far-future has also been destroyed completely, except for exactly five baddies who escaped in a time bubble (the previously seen Fatal Five). At this point, Kyle should have said "Hey, that's just like in Zero Hour!" but he still doesn't understand what's going on. Thankfully, he gets a little nudge in the form of... oh shit, it's Hal Jordan as Parallax!!! (Please pretend you didn't see him on the cover.)

After seeing Parallax, Kyle finally starts putting things together: looks like this is the "perfect world" Hal wanted to create in Zero Hour, where Coast City was never destroyed... but all the other '90s calamities still happened to the other heroes, because screw those guys. Now this universe is decaying, but Hal thinks he can keep it going if Kyle hands over his GL ring. Kyle doesn't wanna, so it's Lantern vs. Lantern time (as drawn by Paul Pelletier, who'd be great on a storyline featuring GLs fighting GLs, hypothetically speaking).

Hal sics his new lackeys, the Fatal Five, on Kyle. More '90s heroes show up to help: Connor "Green Arrow" Hawke, Jack "Starman" Knight (who I really hope is being used with James Robinson's blessing; presumably Tony Harris is okay with it, since he has a pinup in this issue), and Guy "Guy Gardner" Gardner (in his red armor, which probably hasn't been seen in non-flashback form since the '90s).

Meanwhile, Supergirl reluctantly visits her asshole ex, Lex, to ask him how to stop their universe from decaying (I wish they'd used his long-haired Lex Luthor Jr. look, but I guess that was ruled out because it ended right before Zero Hour). Lex confirms what Parallax is saying: they have to give him Kyle's ring.

So, Supergirl joins Hal's side, while Donna sticks by Kyle and other heroes stand around wondering what to do. Soon enough, Hal manages to get his hands on Kyle's ring, something he claims would be "next to impossible for most." Yeah, Kyle losing his ring to a villain? When has that ever happened?

Now that he has double the power, Hal saves this universe by... screwing Kyle's. As in, he takes all that entropy that's eating this reality and channels it to the regular DCU via the portal that brought Kyle here. The heroes aren't sure how they feel about that, but Kyle argues that their universe is less important than his multiverse because it's smaller. Also, that unimportant universe has a name now: Splinterverse! Not to be confused with the Earth where everyone is a martial artist rat.

(Also also, Howard Porter is the artist now!)

You might wonder where Linear Men, the time police, are during this whole mess. The answer is "trapped in a cube." Turns out Waverider found out about this Splinterverse at some point and traveled here to deal with it, but Hal imprisoned him in said cube. Luckily, Wavey's found by the Legion of Super-Heroes' Invisible Kid, who stowed away in the Fatal Five's time bubble by... being invisible. Before he's freed by Invisible Kid, Waverider delivers some (Dan Jurgens and Brett Breeding-drawn!) exposition that reveals the precise moment when the Splinterverse was created: the part at the end of Zero Hour #0 when he slipped the heroes back into the timestream, at which point Hal sneakily dispatched "a splinter aspect of himself" to create a smaller-scale version of his "perfect world."

Waverider helps convince the conflicted heroes that it's worth it to let their little universe die so that trillions more people can live. Even Guy Gardner, who was initially going "screw you, I'm saving myself" and punched Kyle, begrudgingly stands down. With Starman and Obsidian's assistance, Kyle is able to get his ring back from Hal, causing the entropy to flood back into the Splinterverse. Kyle is convinced that there must be some way to save this place, but Waverider is like "nope" and drags him back to the DCU as the Splinterverse is erased. The only thing that remains of it is a nice necklace that Wonder Donna gave Kyle to remember her by.

Kyle is mighty pissed at Waverider for not even trying to save the Splinterverse, but at least they're back home and it's all over... or is it? The special ends with the revelation that something Kyle did in this issue somehow freed some sort of big, yellow space bug. Wonder what that's about. Looking forward to reading the resolution to that cliffhanger in 30 more years!

As a '90s kid, I am physically incapable of disliking this special, which was aimed squarely at me. The 14-year-old Kyle/Donna shipper in me especially appreciates the focus on those two, with Kyle even mentioning that he doesn't really understand why she was suddenly written out of his life (the answer is "because John Byrne").

However, I think there are several missed opportunities here:

The Splinterverse doesn't look a whole lot like the "perfect world" Hal wanted to create in Zero Hour. Coast City is there, but it only appears for a few panels and doesn't really play any role in the story. Everyone else is kinda angry and miserable, or pretty much the same as in the DCU. It would have been interesting to see if the utopia Hal had promised, where no tragedies happen and one needs to grow old or die, would have been sustainable over time.

I really hoped the female Time Trapper from the end of ZH #0 would be addressed, but nope. Dan Jurgens has said that he intended that to be the alternate timeline Batgirl who died in ZH, which I find a really intriguing idea. On that note, the Batgirl in this issue is clearly not the one who died in ZH, not just because, well, she's alive, but also because she acts like a totally different character and makes no reference to anything in ZH.

I was gonna say that I'd hoped the Hal/Parallax in this issue would be the one that was left as a loose end at the end of Convergence, especially since Jurgens was also involved in that series. However, the DC wiki informs me that this version has actually appeared in other comics since then, as recently as 2023, and his further misadventures sound a bit confusing from the write-up there, so I can't really blame Jurgens and Ron Marz for looking at that and saying "You know, let's just make another one."

One thing I did like is that, on top of reuniting Kyle Rayner creators Ron Marz and Darryl Banks, this special also features so many classic '90s Superman artists -- in fact, my friend and @superman86to99 co-runner Don Sparrow had a lot to say about the art in this issue in that blog, so head there for more!

[fandomsmadness]

TBHX episode 7 rant

And 7 episodes in, I am finally going to start criticisms because...there's things to be criticized now (and I am also a wreck for a multitude of reasons). My brain resembles the three seats of the title rn: empty.

But we unpack.

Before we get into the heavier stuff, a brief but fervent moment of appreciation for both the OST and the animation in this ep because hot dang that fight soundtrack was off the charts and I liked this animation switch even better than when Wreck did it. Also, was that the X snap again?

Like I'm sorry but this transition? Gorgeous.

For ONCE (twice) this series, I once again must applaud the ditching of the shock value cliffhanger, but I'm still so very dissatisfied with the climax this episode and this arc. Is it just me or does the Uncle Rock angle not make much sense?

There are certain things that do. The voice over the phone ordering the fake kidnapping matches. Obviously he knew who to use as lackeys, and there's a good commentary here on how people are used as pawns as means to an end in bigger plots.

But when was that damn shop open? I was under the impression it's been a while because Yang Cheng has been performing in the theater at least 3 years, Uncle Rock seemed familiar (he even knew about YC's crushes) and you're seriously telling me a CEO had nothing else to do but sit around making tea for at least 3 years??? (I mean, valid, for me, but not this guy). And we only see him being even remotely suspicious this ep, when he's suddenly displaying advertising prowess (routing it through FOMO, we see you), finances beyond his means, and an obsessive interest for YC to win. All this ep.

AND WHY IS YANG CHENG NOT REACTING?? You just...accepted the fact that your local tea shop owner is a CEO who just set you up to be a MURDERER?? Where is the surprise, the questions, the sheer disbelief, the how-did-this-happen and why-did-you-do-this?

On that note, this society is fucked up. You just watched someone idolize a hero, become that hero, challenge that hero, and kill that hero, and your trust value stands? Excuse you???

Shang Chao did end up being CEO Shang's son. Great for Uncle Rock, I suppose, since he eliminated a rival CEO's son with aspirations to start his own agency. But since he told his lackey to "get rid of the fake," I wonder what he was trying to accomplish there initially.

Shang being martyred was lowkey unexpected but made sense. Yang Cheng losing all his morals and righteousness out of guilt also makes sense when you take in his hesitancy last ep. I was finding it weird that he couldn't cross that short distance but it makes sense now. But really bro? You were thinking about him asking your crush out while he had a gun levelled at his head? Neat.

His unarguably stupid decisions henceforth could also be attributed to that I suppose because I spent a large amount of the episode thinking why is OG E-Soul the enemy? What did he do? And this brings me to one of my other biggest gripes of the series so far.

We've finished two arcs, and we know next to nothing about two of the heroes. We know plenty about their newer counterparts/replacements, but OG E-Soul and OG Nice? Next to nothing. And I really really want to know something. They were both so tired, they were both so done. It was felt far more with OG E-Soul because well, we had more than 7 seconds where he was alive, but the point stands. 34 years of a hero, and we know nothing about him. And now he's dead(?; still pinning my delusional narrative hopes on X).

I really hope this will be rectified because maybe the series is about the younger crop of heroes, but at the very least I'd like to know what these OG heroes went through to make them so sick of this.

Some stupid corner of my brain is also now wondering if Zero (rumoured to be one of the most dangerous villains) is X. Heroes' nemeses are consistently shown to be the only people to really know the hero, and maybe Zero saw the injustice done to their nemesis of three decades and decided to change the system from the top by masquerading as a hero, becoming X, and changing things.

Speaking of ending arcs, I also expected Lucky Cyan to tie in a bit more than just oh-my-concert-is-happening-at-the-same-time-as-the-fight, which also seems like a crucial detail they could've mentioned before? Wouldn't it be siginificant for YC to mention that he plans to go with Xia Qing to the concert while missing the anniversary event? Idk.

But I did find the show-vs-tell of this particular panel intriguing.

The biggest highlight for me this episode was the fight between the E-Souls. The juxtaposition between youth and experience really shone here, OG E-Soul didn't even have to move most of the time, he didn't really even want to fight but trust value is everything and his hand was forced (why was it everything to him? What kept him going? Man seriously looked like he wanted to retire and yet...) and there was so much to unpack in the sequences. With the soundtrack and the animation, it was very reminiscent of Zuko and Azula's last Agni Kai for me.

Like come on, I can't be the only one who sees this. Man was using lightning ffs.

The implication that trust value can only exist in one concept and if multiple exists, they're split is also something to ponder. So YC's initial trust value wasn't new per se, it was just redirected from OG E-Soul to the new E-Soul. This also means YC as a person still likely has 0 trust value; right now he's living off the trust value of the person he just murdered (have I mentioned this is fucked up????)

No doubt Rock will hold this over Yang Cheng's head, huzzah.

OG E-Soul seemed to know he was being set up, and this just made me even more sad. He knew what was happening, he knew the discussions were being directed. But what can he do about it? Heroes really have no autonomy in this world.

Lastly, the next highlight: I mentioned in ep 4 that I hope to see more of Enlighter moving forward and I'm so happy to see he wasn't just a one-time villain shtick. I'm hoping his story carries on through the other hero arcs and we find out more about why he went the way he did.

Overall, Rock came out of pocket and I'm superbly dissatisfied how this was met with zero reaction from Yang Cheng. Dampened the entire arc for me.

Absolutely no idea what to expect in Lucky Cyan's arc now, but if you have another hero replacement I am going to lose it.

[still-breathing-au-p3r]

The silence stretches onward. Even though the Dark Hour is behind them for the night, its eerie stillness lingers. Neither of them seem to know what more to say until Akihiko finishes his impromptu examination. Satisfied that nothing’s going to start bleeding, he reaches for the first-aid kit again.

He starts with the one on his stomach since Shinji’s already standing up. Shinji sways a little on his feet, clearly exhausted, but he keeps his eyes bullheadedly open. At Akihiko’s prompting, Shinji sits again so Akihiko can re-bandage his shoulder, but he continues to force himself to remain alert. It’s as though he thinks letting himself rest before Akihiko does would be admitting defeat.

Akihiko does not comment. He still hasn’t got the energy for an argument.

Despite his stubbornness, Shinji appears to be losing the battle against his own fatigue. He speaks up, apparently as a last ditch effort to stay awake.

Akihiko sighs and begins to explain. Aigis is most likely okay, thankfully. Whatever the Chairman had done to her, it seems like she’d been able to snap herself out of it through her own sheer willpower. Koromaru was a real hero too, for swooping in at the last second and breaking the remote that had been controlling her. Akihiko still isn’t sure how he even got up there, or evaded capture in the first place, but he isn’t complaining. However Koromaru had pulled it off, he’s more than earned a lifetime’s supply of Shinji’s cooking.

Akihiko averts his gaze.

Shinji scoffs. He doesn’t sound the least bit concerned.

Akihiko winces. It doesn’t entirely sit well with him to casually curse the dead like that, traitor or not, but it’s not like he can blame Shinji for his contempt. And it’s not like he really disagrees with the sentiment, either. He’s very grateful for the opportunity to change the subject.

He grabs Shinji’s sweater and drops it in his lap, then sets about packing the first-aid kit back up.

The request brings a very unexpected smile to Akihiko’s face. It was something they had often done at the orphanage when Miki had a nightmare or Shinji one of his sleepless nights. The three of them would sneak down to the common area and turn on the television with the volume lowered to zero. Huddled together under the cool, flickering light, they’d whisper stories and guesses about what was happening on the screen. Shinji eyes him with a sour expression.

Akihiko doesn’t answer beyond a quiet laugh and a shrug. On his way back to the supply closet, he does as Shinji asked, and the atmosphere is suddenly so nostalgic that he can almost imagine that he’s back in those days. Back when the worst thing they had to worry about was getting caught out of bed.

He dawdles through putting away the first-aid kit to give Shinji time to pull his sweater back on and save him the indignity of being watched while he struggles with something that would normally be no effort at all. 

When he turns back around though, Shinji isn’t dressed. His hands poke out from the sleeves but the rest of it sits bunched between his arms. He glowers at nothing in particular, and mumbles something under his breath that Akihiko only barely catches about his arms not cooperating.

Akihiko assists without comment. After Shinji’s head pops free of the sweater his hair is still trapped under the turtleneck. Akihiko gently tugs it free to fall well past Shinji’s shoulders. Idly Akihiko rolls a lock between his fingers.

Shinji shrugs with his good shoulder.

Akihiko chuckles. He can’t argue with that. He doesn’t know how they stand it either. Constantly feeling something moving against the back of his neck would drive him crazy, but that would still be nothing compared to something cutting off half of his field of vision at all times.

Akihiko laughs and stands, heading towards the stairs to grab a brush. Shinji makes an incredulous noise from behind him.

[pepperf]

My non-spoilery review of Ballerina: I really enjoyed it! It was of course nonsense, but that’s a feature not a bug – there were lots of excellent set-piece fight scenes, fast and brutal and using every available tool (cool factor favourite: flamethrowers vs water hose; ridiculous favourite: just smashing plates over each other’s heads). I thought the first two thirds were better than the last third, which focused a little too much on John Wick Giving This Spinoff His Blessing (Ana de Armas was doing just fine, guys, trust your lead!), but the whole thing was basically what you’d expect from the John Wickiverse.

Spoilery details below the cut, especially about David Castañeda’s role:

Okay, first off: the assassin’s village was incoherent, what even was going on with that? At first I thought it was a retirement home for ex-assassins, but that made no sense when you see the age ranges (younger kids and their parents, and their getting-older-but-still-going-strong grandparents), plus they all still seemed to be getting out there into the world and killing people, so I guess it’s like…like migrating birds. They go home to the Village to breed, and then back out once the chicks are independent enough to be taking on their own murder contracts. And they die before making it to true old age, apparently, because there were zero old people, other than Gabriel Byrne. But were they killing for fun or for profit? The rest of the assassin world seemed pretty judgemental, but they mostly seemed to kill their own people, so…I guess they’re bad news because they’re a cult, and not for the killing part? Sort of like cults in the real world, except here everyone’s an assassin. It’s barmy, honestly.

And the retrofit with the Ruska Roma was also nonsense - suddenly they’re there to protect people? They use rubber bullets??? This is the Wickiverse, people. Everyone is an assassin. That’s the basic concept. You don’t have to be all coy and ‘oh but these ones are GOOD, not like those BAD people who kill you if you try to leave (okay yes we also do that but it’s not personal)’. How do they even fund that – it can’t be all contracts to stop assassinations. That’s basically just security – which they suck at, by the way: you can’t just beat up a bunch of dudes in a club (cool setting tho!) and say you’re safe now, and act like that’s dealt with the problem. Did you even escort that woman home?!

That said, I liked how it fitted with Eve’s motivation, and I especially loved the potential setup for a Romeo and Juliet love story for her parents. I wanna know how Javier met the unnamed mum (let’s just pick a random name for her, oh, how about Lila), and how they managed to fall in love despite their different backgrounds (he’s an assassin! She’s also an assassin but for a totally different group they’re so totally different guys you gotta believe me you just don’t even know!)…and what disloyalty she was killed for (trying to leave with her husband and babies?)…and why he was like, yeah my 9yo daughter just has Bad Vibes so I’m ditching her…and everything! I want THAT movie!

And despite the fact that he literally does only get 15 minutes of screentime – which was totally expected, I mean he got cast after they’d finished shooting the main movie – I am so, so proud of David and the way he held the screen for that whole time! He got to show off his range: he can do cute young father, he’s great with kids, he can dance (oh, my heart, Diego - I mean Javier - dancing with his daughter!), and fight like a hero in a John Wick movie, he can do the stare-off with the villain when he’s bloody and on his knees, he can do dramatic death scenes, and he can be so fucking loveable in a short space of time that the entire movie, which rests on the main character wanting to avenge his death 12 years later, makes full emotional sense… Casting directors, take note.

(Am I thinking of going to see it again, just for those first 15 mins? Shush, stop asking questions.)

And hats off to @lochrannn , who called it as soon as she saw his poster – I mean, I’d been thinking, maybe he'll be another assassin, maybe an older mentor, maybe a love interest, maybe an enemy – but she took one look at his vibe, and absolutely nailed where he fitted into this movie. XD

[codenamesazanka]

the only good victim is a dead victim; but the close second is an innocent victim with zero agency. an empty vessel for Heroes to project whatever they want into them.

That's what Hawks and Deku wanted, wasn't it? For their victim to be just an unlucky guy, just a crying child. For their victim to be "good", that abstract, default norm of the society they enforce, befitting their standard of 'good', never questioning if it's even valid. Hawks, after killing Twice, later talks about him in such nice words. "A decent guy... desperate to be helpful." Vague. Abstract. Nondescript. Who did Twice want to be helpful for, Hawks??? Why did he want to be helpful??? Why was he desperate???

A victim to submit to the Hero's saving, no questions asked, no baggage carried, ready to obey the Hero's imposed values. Come quietly; Surrender; Go to jail; I'll help you start over - I decide your fate. And if that fate is cutting off all past bonds, if that fate is ditching all you've ever known and loved, then that's your fate.

But the moment this Good Innocent Victim starts to act in anyway that doesn't fit the Heroes' preconceived notions, then the victim is dangerous. Why would Bubaigawara and Tenko want to stay with their friends those evil villains? If I grant them the the judgment of 'a good person', what more can they want? If I smashed their hatred, what else can be left?

It can't be because my save wasn't enough. I reached out a hand. I offered them an out. I was giving them the salvation I envisioned for them. I think that's enough, and that's what matters. A victim with zero agency can't protest against that. Can't question me. Can't forced me to wrestle with deeper issues.

Hawks wanted Twice to just give up and forget his friends and be the unlucky good guy who fell in with The Evil League. His life was meaningless and pathetic—unfortunate, just how things are, no structural cause and social welfare neglect—and now Hawks can give it meaning. But then Twice said no, asserted that yeah, he was downtrodden and thrown to the wolves, but he was so lucky to have found friends that cared about him unconditionally (because no one from "the good side" ever did).

Deku wanted only The Crying Child who needed his help and the relief he can provide by holding his hand and healing an emotional wound, instead of dealing with the adult villain who has long decided - was forced to decide - to do something about the material injustices in the world himself, that was bigger than just one villain pulling all the strings, the suffering his friends went through that AFO had no hand in. Deku wanted the Tenko who would just stop being a Villain, who would just completely give up all destruction (never mind that Deku used his own destruction to get through to Tenko); wanted Tenko to stop himself and end the cycle of sadness, as if Tenko alone controlled this cycle of sadness. But then Tenko said no, because he loves the League. He won't stop being their Hero.

And now both Twice and Shigaraki are dead. Victims with agency, with opinions, with feelings on what saving they want. Victims who won't give up what little agency and choices and relationships and joy they had found. They won't give it up, they'll fight with their lives for it, and so Heroes have to fear them the most. Wills of steel that refused to be dismissed.

When neither side gives up, someone has to die. Fade away. Leave the Heroes with the idealized vision they had of the person they wanted to save. The one they failed to save, that dead victim.

[lacunammmm]

MHA Only Has Four Important Female Characters And The Rest Could Comfortably Be Removed With Zero Impact

You could remove almost every female character from this series and nothing changes. Rather than discussing who goes, let's start with who stays. The list isn't long.

-Toga, because she's one of the villain team's MVPs and removing her from the story leaves a massive hole where she used to be. -Uraraka, removing her takes away a major supporting member of Deku's cast. It COULD be done. You COULD just restructure all of the moments between Toga and Uraraka to happen with Deku instead. It would just be really janky.

If we stick to canon's story beats, you'd have a scene where Izuku watches Toga kill herself after their fight and then he rushes off to kill Shigaraki. Uraraka stays. -Nana Shimura, since she's All Might's trainer and also Tomura's grandmother. -And either Mei Hatsume or Momo to act as tech support. Objectively speaking, you don't need them. Momo's contributions in canon were making the tracking devices that led the heroes to Garaki's nomu lab during Kamino, and she made a gas that knocked Gigantomachia out...AFTER everyone got finished jumping him and landing their hits, of course. You could write Momo out by conveniently having Mei invent devices that the heroes use before they know they need them. Or you could scrap both of them. They find the nomu lab because the cops analyzed power expenditure rates in the city and saw the warehouse. They assumed this was either a hydroponics weed farm, or something shady was going on. It turns out to be a nomu lab. They beat up Machia just as they did in canon, except he goes down and stays down. -Eri, on the other hand, is an edge case. She contributes nothing but two things towards the end of the series: restoring Mirio's quirk and healing Deku's arms. She's underdeveloped as a character entirely. She's not a character. She's a trauma prop and a moeblob. She's a major plot device and a reason the Overhaul arc plays out the way it does. You functionally could replace her if the story was willing to have Aizawa get abducted and Overhaul figures out some means to create bullets out of the guy's DNA. You'd have Present Mic there to attack the Yakuza alongside Deku in this universe instead. It's messy and it turns the Overhaul arc into the Aizawa Rescue Arc but it could be done. You'd just have Mirio either not get shot, or he does get shot and we have consequences for once. Mirio in canon proceeded to do basically nothing after his arc, showed up later to defeat Mister Compress, then help stall Tomura. For the sake of not having to change much, we keep her. But I do think a story where Deku rescues his teacher has better bones to it, since Eri does nothing after her arc. They make her smile at a school festival and her years of trauma are fixed. -Recovery Girl is another edge case but the story doesn't care about her as a person. She's a tool to heal main characters and enable them to recover near instantly from their injuries. You could replace her with a talking healing pod from DBZ and get the same end result. We just replace the scenes where she complains with Nezu doing it. Nezu, to All Might and Midoriya who are both in healing pods: You guys really ought to go less hard, eh? But who am I kidding? Plus Ultra! The rest of them? You could functionally ditch and not much changes. I'll go through all of them in a lightning round. Mirko: Replace her with Gang Orca. You know, the really tough mutant guy who could fight Inasa and Shoto at the same time? The guy the story barely used after? Yeah, we dust him off and slot him in. Midnight: Even her two best friends didn't care about her after she died. If we have to kill a teacher who doesn't affect the plot, kill Ectoplasm. Hagakure: Besides discovering Aoyama, what does she ever do? Deku could have just as easily discovered Aoyama...when All For One orders him to capture Deku. It's REALLY OBVIOUS Aoyama is the spy when he's attacking! Tsuyu: She saves Izuku from a shark mutant at the USJ and then does nothing else until she becomes Uraraka's video game assist against Toga. Mina: Her arc is already shared with Kirishima. You just have him eat the rest of her screen time and story beats. Kyoka: Absolutely superfluous. She sings a song once, loses an ear to AFO, and then makes the quirks in him briefly rebel. Have Tokoyami fight alone and we end up in the same place.

All the girls in class B: Class B was a waste of space and shouldn't have existed. Nejire: The big 3 didn't need to exist. Clearly only Mirio actually mattered. The story wanted to show how great Mirio was at the time. Let him fight Nejire and Suneater's foes and show off his POWER. Ryuku: Her most notable scene was getting beat up by Tomura, then is MIA until the final war, where she fights a background character. Magne: She existed just to get brutally murdered by Overhaul. The author NEVER cared about this character.

Inko: If she was never seen and the story didn't bother to get into who Izuku's parents are, what changes? Nothing. So we have 5 essential female characters: Uraraka, Toga, Momo/Mei, Eri, and Nana. 4 if you're willing to do an Overhaul arc rewrite and ditch Eri. 3 if you decide Momo/Mei's contributions aren't needed. This isn't a problem unique to MHA, by the way, this series is just especially bad about it.

[jealousmartini]

"Such'a fuckin kluts.." ݁₊ ⊹

Rating Katsuki Bakugo's stupid nicknames for me in my mha dr

Kluts - 9/10

— It sounds so cunty and its pretty catchy too 😍

— He calls me this often because I fall over my own feet so easily "such'a fuckin' kluts. Can't even stand on your two feet without trippin like an idiot"

Brat - 8/10

— I know he doesn't mean it in a cunty way but that's the way I take it

Brit - 🇬🇧/10

— He says it like a slur

Bug eyes - 5/10

— I get it because of my freakish looking goggles I wear with my hero costume

— It's observant but it's not all that creative because he already calls Mina and Iida nicknames based on their eyes too

Smartass - 5.7/10

— I hardly get questions wrong and mostly get straight As in tests

— It doesn't help that I am canonically a genius too and he likes to role his eyes whenever I win games against him saying shit like "I let you win" or "don't get too cocky smartass"

Antennas - 3/10

— This one's alr I guess...

— He gave this one to me when he noticed how the top two small chunks of my hair would raise and react to the environment around me and said I looked stupid

Twilight - 10/10

— A real fan favourite.

— It's probably the most creative nickname his given me so far. Most of my close friends call me Twilight more than my actual name now, and it's frequently used when making ship names.

— Almost became my hero name.

— A time when he used the name in a sentence. He was referring to me and Mina when he complained to someone, "... because Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie pie over here though it was a good idea to ditch the plan and freestyle it..."

Tech nerd - meh/10

— Basic.

— I'm sharing that infamous nickname with Deku now

— At least it shows he knows I'm good at what I do

Dimples - 8.8/10

— I love how he's so observant, "Dimples" is by far the cutest one he's given me next to Twilight.

— I find it kind of endearingg 🥹🙏🏾

Loopsie - 4.7/10

— One of my drawbacks from using my magnet quirk too much, is that my weight almost completely drops. I go dizzy, get hiccups and build static shocks and I start to get a little floaty.

— It literally looks like if Uraraka used her zero gravity on me for a short while or if lightning is about to strike because my hair and the hair on the arms start to raise from the static.

— I can't even stand straight without wobbling, swaying side to side thus where "loopsie" comes from because it looks like there should be swirls in my eyes like a cartoon character😭😭

— I said it kinda sounds like a drug and he said that's the point cus I look like I'm on something or im drunk

Tenticle hair - 2/10

— Would've prefered "shitty hair" to that ☹️☹️

— Aside from my hair colour being the reason he calls me Twilight, he really doesn't like the fact I can control my hair in anyway I want (hair awareness quirk)

— Hair awareness is my sibling quirk, and it freaks him out how I can manoeuvre around the place and pick things up with my hair lmao

— I told him I like to use my hair quirk as an extra pair of limbs, like an octopus' tentacles, and he said "he can tell" with the worlds most disgusted frown 🙄

[whump-in-the-closet]

Very quick and late-night impulse questions (because apparently I prefer that over sleep /j)

SO, for Saviour, the worldbuilsing for the heroes and their powers and stuff is that it’s a closely guarded secret and all that, right? And that powers are activated in the stress way like Mistbrom magic or something, right?

With that said, are there any cases of someone manifesting powers outside of the agency “training” program and just randomly discovering they have powers? Maybe the traumatic event was witnessed by one of the cities heroes causing something catastrophic to happen, say accidentally collapsing a building on someone or something?

Wait, who are the “villains” the Saviour agency fights? Because sending superpowered individuals to wipe the floor with regular ‘ol’ civilians doesn’t seem very, uh, heroic.

WAIT DAMN IT MY BRAIN IS COMING UP WITH NON-CANON LORE FUUU— are the villains given a choice once they’re captured to change and become “heroes” via training? Does that mean some of them could break free and escape and start a rebel secret agency? Does that actually happen? Are the “villains” just escaped heroes who banded together to try and bring them down?

Because, and sorry for even more words that aren’t necessarily related, I have a character/OC who essentially gained their powers by the very powered people abusing them (I am not explaining that well. I somewhat based it off how Odin learned magic from Norse Mythology. Really interesting and also hardcore, hanged himself on the world tree with a spear in his side for 9 days until the magic revealed itself to him. Excuse the infodumping lol) so maybe there’s that?

Do they share how heroes are made? I NEED ANSWERS AND QUESTIONS KEEP FORMING HELP—

Very curious to know your thoughts! If you want to share them that is. Also sorry for the wall of text lol. Also, do let me know if the ask goes through, because I am unsure if my asks are getting eaten or if I hallucinated them at night if it’s not too much trouble

Before this gets astronomically long, I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day/night and are taking care of yourself and staying hydrated and all that jazz :]

-idk

I’m embarrassed that it took me so long to respond. I’m so sorry 😭😭

So yeah, in Savior, activation of powers is a close guarded secret. The public is just told “These people have always had abilities and we helped them on their path” and that kind of soft bullshit. And also yeah, activation is a stress thing where their body goes into overdrive like in a fight or flight response and when there’s no escape, some last ditch response is triggered— abilities

So for the villains >:) ok well, I’d say yeah people have activated powers under catastrophic circumstances but they’d have to be very specific to their dormant abilities. If a building falls on someone, their dormant power would have to be regeneration or super strength. Otherwise it won’t click, if that makes sense? Like Teddy, a pianist, was only able to activate his visions until his fingers were broken. A crucial part of his identity was attached to his piano skills and when that was taken— anxiety overload— he can now see worst case scenario situations all the time. Am I making sense here idk let me know if I’m not

Oh and yeah, the “villains” are heroes who’ve deflected and they attack funding plants and such. But they’d superpowered individuals also patrol for high tech theives and fight against organized crime. They don’t do zero good. It’s just all messed up and intertwined. Like they’ve definitely saved the lives of civilians— as long as it’s being filmed or acknowledged. It’s a huge publicity stunt after all.

Your character sounds sick as hell I hope you post more abt them!!

Lemme know if this helped