#Esther Perel

[wellconstructedsentences]

Most of us get turned on at night by the very things we’ll demonstrate against during the day.

Esther Perel

[lettersxcaffeine]

“Even if you decide to stay, you may do so while at the same time having a part of you that actually holds the other side. [Thinking that the] decision is 100% perfect— no doubt, no hesitation— [is unlikely.] You need to be able to leave while experiencing the loss of some things that may have been good, even if it’s just a dream of what was. If you stay, you have to be able to grieve the part of you that will never know what it would have been like if you actually left.  Every choice comes with loss. The consequence is the choice you didn’t make.” Esther Perel

[theregencyreticule]

"There is nothing lonelier than the loneliness that you feel when you are next to someone with whom you think that you once did not feel lonely"

Esther Perel

"The Erotic is an Antidote to Death" The On Being Podcast

[eelhound]

"If love is an act of imagination, then intimacy is an act of fruition. It waits for the high to subside so it can patiently insert itself into the relationship. The seeds of intimacy are time and repetition. We choose each other again and again, and so create a community of two."

- Esther Perel, from Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence, 2006.

[therapeuticmonologues]

Erotic intimacy is an act of generosity and self-centeredness, of giving and taking. We need to be able to enter the body or the erotic space of another, without the terror that we will be swallowed and lose ourselves. At the same time we need to be able to enter inside ourselves, to surrender to self-absorption while in the other's presence, believing that the other will still be there when we return, that he or she won't feel rejected by our momentary absence. We need to be able to connect without the terror of obliteration, and we need to be able to experience our separateness without the terror of abandonment.

Esther Perel, Mating in Captivity

[raewrites]

The only thing I can tell you -- and I will repeat it again and again -- is that there is not one person who can give us everything. Nobody, no matter how phenomenal they are, will be able to satisfy all your needs. It's a set up for frustration, for disappointment, and for disillusionment. So, when you think about "the one," think the person with whom you can imagine building a life with. Writing a story with. And that story will have a lot of hiccups. But something about the shared values, the shared interests, the attraction, the animation that you feel in their presence, the eagerness that you have together is going to begin to...the one way I say it is, to make a life together. And making a life together is writing a story together, basically. And when you write a story, you edit, you change, you see things that don't fit. It's never a perfect story. Never. Every couple has issues, the only question is which are the issues you want to deal with?

Esther Perel {”Finding ‘The One’”}

[justascribbla]

Our desires, even our most illicit ones, are a feature of our humanity.

Esther Perel.

[cassy333]

Many people have affairs not to exit their marriages, but in order to stay in them.

Esther Perel, The State of Affairs

[grlbts]

Modern loneliness masks itself as hyper connectivity. And so people have easily 1000 virtual friends, but no one they can ask to feed their cat. That loneliness, which is really a depletion of the social capital, is extremely powerful. […]

Esther Perel

[oceanstone]

“Love, desire, connection—all of the things that make us want to stay and go deeper with someone—are not induced by that other person. They are co-created. Instead of asking whether we’ve found the right person, imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship in which both partners are mutually interested in being good for each other.

It’s not just the other person’s responsibility to woo us, maintain our attention, heal us and help us grow. Love can do many things but it can’t do everything and neither can our partners. Love is an ongoing collaboration, and it takes everyone in the relationship to sustain and grow it.”

Esther Perel

[coastalthoughts]

We stay with the people that love us and we mourn the fact that they don’t desire us.

EP

[chasingfaithandlove]

It’s a verb. That’s the first thing. It’s an active engagement with all kinds of feelings—positive ones and primitive ones and loathsome ones. But it’s a very active verb. And it’s often surprising how it can kind of ebb and flow. It’s like the moon. We think it’s disappeared, and suddenly it shows up again. It’s not a permanent state of enthusiasm. I’m thirty-five years in a relationship, I practice. And I have two boys—I practice. It’s not just romantic love.

Love Is Not a Permanent State of Enthusiasm: An Interview with Esther Perel

[unofficialchronicle]

“At this moment, getting it done, being efficient, and our obsession with optimatization creates an anti-erotic culture. Sex is not about the orgasm nor does it end with the orgasm. Stop focusing on the physicality of it. Linger. Take your time. Savor. Let things unfold and not be so goal-orientated.”

[a-little-something-beautiful]

[sexandthesuburbs]

- Esther Perel, Mating in Captivity

Yes, yes, and yes.

[yepthatsacowalright]

Esther once again articulating the the thoughts in my brain about humans and modern communication perfectly.