#Every time I think it's fading...

[ruthiesrambles2]

In this really weird place of brain rot where I get that ache in my tummy of the hyperfixation ramping up and I'm full of anxious energy and can't sleep and I just know the dopamine is coming and then

It doesn't

Because I'm too burnt out to create anything and any content is consumed so fast it barely touches the sides

[i-am-but-a-beta-fish]

don't look at me

@the-elder-polls — hello! it is tcs friday, so i wanted to share this piece i made of my ldb road, who enjoys magic, extreme mountain climbing, and never talking about herself, ever. don't worry about it. she's definitely not lying about her name or her age or any significant personal information like that. the mask is just a fashion statement. don't—don't worry about it. 

(she's sixteen. she only started going by road because she thought she got carted to helgen for being an enemy of the thalmor, so when hadvar revealed no one had any idea who she was she was so startled she just blurted out the name of the first thing she saw. which was the road. somehow no one has caught on to the fact that this is a really weird and suspicious name for an altmer to have, even if their parents didn't like them very much. she's come to genuinely prefer it over her original given name, but she's been living in horrible teenage anxiety about it for so long that it hasn't once occurred to her that maybe introducing herself like that at this point is not, in fact, lying, and therefore road does not, in fact, have to feel incredibly guilty about it.

she still does, because she's a emotional disaster masquerading as a functional and mentally stable adult, but she'll get there.

…eventually.)

[bakudekublogblog]

the way katsuki just IS izuku's first love drives me nutty. like he just had a big ole crush on him with his huge-ass heart eyes and he chased him around with maximum puppy-love smitten energy

[tabooiart]

mr goatman... goat me a man.... make him the goatest that ive ever seen...

[sunlight-shunlight]

anyway the main interesting thing about the masked empire is that it looks like felassan needed like a special herbs and spices blend to meditate deeply enough to actually contact solas? and even then the impression seemed rather murky and vague (perhaps just bc they hadn't decided what solas' personality was ingame at that time), and solas was pretty detached and still on his "this world is garbage and full of tranquil" mindset prior to dai. i feel like if solas had been regularly able to talk to felassan, he'd 1. be more moved by his argument, 2. be aware that felassan's resolve was waning even before being told, and 3. be less likely to kill him point-blank without even a conversation, since he'd be more confident in his ability to talk him back into loyalty

so i think it makes sense if solas was genuinely Asleep a lot of the time, with some phases of more lucid dreaming where he was able to look at the fade/talk to felassan. so his experience would be vaguely stirring in his uthenera every few centuries, getting a fresh batch of bizarre mortal nightmares, and disconnected updates from felassan that went kind of like this:

"hey boss sooo... we lost all the eluvians and floating cities and stuff, and a lot of people just starved, and the veil is really fucking us. but we're ok! actually some round eared little guys showed up. uhhh actually arlathan's gone now and the population got enslaved by the round eared ones. their mages broke one of the seals on the black city and released a blight. oh the humans got into a new religion :) it's anti-slavery, but it DOES hate spirits. but the people have the dales now! another blight. actually another blight again. ohh the humans really got into their new religion... remember the dales i mentioned? yeah those are gone actually. also the survivors are evanuris loyalists and hate you specifically. two more blights. this last one went by super fast, i barely noticed it! hey actually i trained this mortal girl a bit and she's kind of fun, i think we should rethink the plan, and give her the eluvians and let her cook-"

and presumably solas goes "what the FUCK is felassan talking about. he must be going mad, he could easily foil the whole plan if he's lost it like this. goodbye old friend"

[legionofpotatoes]

I know the discourse well is poisoned and no one hates bioware games more than bioware fans, but I am just 🫠 having so much fun with veilguard it's unreal. It is selfishly the dragon age game I always wanted. with less emphasis on cRPG, a more focused story, curated mission based design that spotlights the high fantasy stuff, slowburn structure with companions, significantly less sidequest bloat, and a fully real-time action-oriented combat system that isn't riddled with the growing pains of previous titles. when I first played origins I imagined something almost exactly like this as my ideal version of a sequel; and it was one of those dirty, selfish thoughts that I knew was disrespectful to the then-established DNA of the thing, but I can't help but feel giddy about having it here and now. like down to the shift away from the childishly dark tone and to something more inherently flexible with a baseline aspirational quality. I hate aesthetically depressing games so much. am I not alive right here and right now already

When I say "aesthetically" there though I do mean it. I'm fully on the opposite side when it comes to tone and positions expressed in the story itself. I am just not including that in my analysis because I am not done yet - so please no spoilers! I think I am where most people consider to be the second act, and I definitely have my gripes with the narrative framework and some of the optics, but I won't put the cart before the horse and will see how it wraps things up first. Above that level, in terms of how it presents itself, of how it plays, of how it balances its core pillars - it is such a bioware-ass game and I could not be any cozier in it. So grateful it exists

[tofufei]

Do you ever think about how precisely Jing Yuan excises his grief to not to succumb to mara because whenever I do I feel like puking my guts out.

This video was in my bili recs this morning and I had to stop myself from tearing up on the train 5s into it. You have to give it to mihoyo that the microexpressions are done amazingly well in the moments it matters. The way he gives himself a moment to take in the two of them after they fought side by side (even if it was to beat up his disciple lol). He regards them with such warmth and affection before Blade cruelly cuts off his attempt at establishing a connection and ughhhh you just see how he compartmentalizes and slips back into his role as the General.

His subsequent conversation with Dan Heng is also so emotionally fraught, I don't even know how he doesn’t just implode.

His "So what?" really gets to me. I thought he'd sound quite like he's repressing his anger but I rewatched the scene and he says it with barely any heat😫 He is well aware that this isn't his old friend anymore, Dan Heng couldn't have been making it clearer. If anything, he sounds resignated and self-mocking.

Also this scene is so evillll because the first time you (I) played this scene, you're totally seeing it from Dan Heng's POV. He's justified in being annoyed with how everyone sees him as someone he isn't, and Jing Yuan seems especially stubborn about not letting it go. I for one just kept thinking "Dude Jing Yuan, leave the poor lad alone."

The thing though is that Dan Heng actually is wrong here — he is very much still Dan Feng by the definition of Vidyadhara reincarnation. The game keeps saying that it wasn't properly carried out and that it failed, but it doesn't tell you in what exact way in the main story. You have to dig a bit for info.

‘The Vidyadhara rebirth normally erases all memory of the previous life. However, you have retained fragments of your past, as well as the powers of the high elder.

‘...If my guess is correct, the Preceptors were unwilling to allow the Ichor Line to end and hoped for Imbibitor Lunae’s resurrection. That is why they tampered with the molting rebirth… and turned you into what you are now…’

Source: Jingliu’s Companion Mission dialogue

‘Most things people are unwilling to part ways with are connected to experiences from their life. It’s really all just small sentimental trinkets: Engraved love pendants, letters from old friends, or even works they’ve personally created…’

‘*Sigh* But what was once of utmost importance becomes of zero relevance when this ancient sea cleanses away all memory and hatches new life. Without exception, no Vidyadhara has ever returned post-resurrection to ask for any of these relics back.

‘After rebirth, ‘you’ are not the same ‘you’ as before. Who cares about how your previous life was lived, or what suggestions might get passed on? You’re better off bequeathing a valuable pendant or whatever for the future benefit of your fellows!’

> ‘So after hatching rebirth you’re a new ‘you’?’

‘From what I’ve seen, most Vidyadhara lack emotions fresh after their rebirth, and are unable to understand the sentiments of their previous selves. Not a single one has ever been able to identify which one of these items used to belong to them.’”

Source: Lingling, a Vidyadhara NPC

It is commonly thought that the source of Vidyadharas' immortality is different from that of Xianzhou natives and Foxians. The Vidyadhara race did not gain immortality from the Plagues Author. Instead, as the descendants of Long the dragon, the majesty of the Permanence flows in their blood.

Due to this unique characteristic, Vidyadharas also exhibit a life cycle different from other long-life species. Their life, consisting of reverting from maturity to an infantile stage in an unending cycle, relies upon continuous cellular transdifferentiation. This is the reason why Vidyadharas do not face the ailments of immortality that many other long-life species have to contend with.

Source: Dan Shu, Disciples of Sanctus Medicus: Collection of Exhibits

“‘I took a few samples from inside a Vidyadhara egg. Nobody was harmed in the slightest. [...]

Todd raised his once dry and skinny hand to show that his wrinkles had disappeared, revealing fair, smooth skin instead.”

–

“‘Hehe, I just was a little sloppy with my experiment. An inevitable result.

‘I thought I'd gained immortality, but unfortunately things were not that simple.

‘My body, it keeps shrinking. My skin, muscles, organs... Indeed, I'm getting younger, you see, but this "youth" doesn't seem to have an off switch.’

> ‘You're de-aging?’

> ‘Kind of like the Vidyadhara tradition of hatching rebirth…’

‘Yes. But so far as I know, their "rebirths" have a limit.

‘Test results indicate that this de-aging process seems to have no endpoint. It won't be long before I'm illiterate and won't be able to understand my own reports — which would seem no difference [sic] from regular dementia.

‘In the end, I might even become an egg again, just like the Vidyadhara. Perhaps I could become a human embryo once again — I mean, I'm not Vidyadhara, am I?’”

Source: Todd Riordan’s Academic Research Adventure Mission dialogue

While what exactly happens during the incubation process after the Vidyadhara turn into eggs before their rebirth is a mystery, the chief condition of a rebirth being considered one is the *complete* loss of your memories. After rebirth, the Vidyadhara can be of a different gender and usually display no similar inclinations as their previous incarnations. What we also know is the way they turn into eggs is via de-ageing.

So you have to understand Dan Feng's reincarnation was incomplete in the way that he literally just de-aged a bit. Philosophical debate aside about what makes you you and if you're still yourself when you've lost memories that made you you—Dan Heng biologically is de-aged Dan Feng. How Dan Heng thinks of himself is course his prerogative and it's totally fair that he sees himself as a whole new person and believes that Dan Feng has nothing to do with him. But he still has his powers. He still has some of his memories; probably more than he lets on actually if you read some of playable!Dan Heng's character stories in-game. So it’s not hard to understand why other people would still see him as Dan Feng even if he doesn’t think he is.

Anyways, point is that Jing Yuan actually doesn't cling that much to the past as first impression makes it seem, either. I was gonna say that he calls him Dan Feng in...two? instances which come across as very annoying to the player, but I’m Ctrl+F ing this chapter and he never does directly address Dan Heng as Dan Feng to his face. Actually, Jing Yuan comes to terms with it shockingly swiftly. "Old friend." "I'm not him." "Mhm… sorry" <- HE HAS ACCEPTED IT THEN AND THERE. Those are their first words exchanged after reuniting, what the heck... It was both a half-hearted and a last ditch attempt to find his old friend in Dan Heng, and it’s not as if he never had any high hopes but they immediately get shattered, nonetheless.

Jing Yuan doesn't see and need Dan Feng in Dan Heng, the one that does is the Luofu General—he says as much. And after Dan FHeng fulfills what was his duty all along (sealing the fancy tree with his dragon powers or whatever, I don't quite remember) and something he sorely owed to Jing Yuan and the Luofu, Jing Yuan lets him go. *points at "Haha, let us talk of happier topics. The friends you made on the Express are about to arrive here. Don’t you wish to see them?"* Like do you see this!!!!!! He immediately engages with Dan Heng as Dan Heng of the Astral Express, and asks him about his new friends QAQ

He really has perfected the art of letting go. So yeah. On Jing Yuan and the excising of grief 👍

[lazycranberrydoodles]

a short fully colored lan wangji animatic from march of last year that i didn't post??? yes please! / feat. Death Couldn't Tear Us Apart by LVCRFT

[antisocialxconstruct]

this evening I am once again mourning the fact that there's never been a really good high budget cyberpunk mmorpg

[spiderducks]

fellas is it gay to dress up as a woman to seduce your ex-friend as revenge?

[see-arcane]

I feel myself quite wild with excitement. I suppose one ought to pity any thing so hunted as is the Count. ... To read Dr. Seward's account of poor Lucy's death, and what followed, is enough to dry up the springs of pity in one's heart.

I love this part because Mina is like. I should feel sorry for him but... I don't. It's as new to her to be "wild with excitement" to hunt someone down as Jonathan's "a terrible desire came upon me to rid the world of such a monster." was. Even though she's under 100 layers of what she "ought" to feel.

(hate what Coppola did with this part, having Mina say that she pities someone as hunted as the Count. and then Jonathan chides her "how could you say such a thing!" and we're supposed to go "shut up Jonathan")

Like a reverse Rumpelstiltskin, Francis set himself to the task of spinning gold into straw and that straw into shit.

[objectosexual]

I'm glad more of Tumblr is becoming more accepting of objectums + a lot of people are realizing that they're objectum themselves, but it really does feel like the current "in" thing right now so I hope this support for us continues even when people get tired of the eroticism of the machine

[wardensantoineandevka]

look, I simply don't have the patience to entertain argumentations apparently rooted in the idea that everything Solas says about anything is a clear-eyed and fair judgment of what the current state of affairs is, what the implications or consequences of that state of affairs is, how those living in those conditions feel about them, what is the best way to move forward to improve those conditions, and what the consequences of any action he takes in an attempt to correct or fix that state of affairs is going to be.

he's a very interesting character and one that I do find sympathetic, especially after Veilguard, but I find it laughable to take anything he says as even remotely grounded in the reality of Thedas now or that his claims about what is and what will be are authoritative. his tragedy is that he is unable to see outside of his perspective and his desperation to assuage his regrets and guilts over hurting others and the world repeatedly in an attempt to make up for or correct his previous hurtful mistakes, which invariably go wrong, creating a vicious cycle. the thing is that Solas does not want to work with the current reality because he feels guilt and regret over creating it, so he is trying to hit a reset button to restore what he destroyed, believing that such a reset is even possible after the world having already changed so much since, adapted to new material conditions, and is trying to find a way forward and better through it—so, I don't necessarily find it convincing that he understands what the current reality even is and whether this is the best course of action to remedy what harm or pain is happening.

if an argumentation starts from a supposition that Solas has the most clear, sensible, authoritative, and grounded assessment and judgment about what is happening now, what must happen to move forward, and what will happen after he acts, I find it a fundamentally flawed one and thus too tedious to entertain, especially given that the series as a whole is very loud about how everything is being filtered through a flawed perspective

[the-northern-continent]

By far the wildest thing about Solas’ disapproval conversation is that he has it in the rotunda. I am concerned you may be developing a god complex, anyway let’s discuss this directly under the 20ft tall mural of your legendary deeds.

(Careful there, Solas. Someone might mistake you for a pride demon playing with his food.)

[im-traumatised]

So much surviving. Where is the living I was promised??? When do get to just be happy and comfortable and safe and free and loved???

[fadefromthelight]

hot boy summer round 2