#Getting Stronger

[chibi-the-pancake]

Some nice flowers I saw on my way to the gym. : )

[densewentz]

Here's to desperately scrambling to get my brain to latch onto a hyperfixation during an absolute Low Point like a frazzled and exhausted parent waving every toy they have in front of a hysterical toddler

[haelunara]

Thank you for making me learn to let go of the beautiful things that aren't meant for me.

[ponysongbracket]

Brony vs OG: Villain Team-Ups

Please listen to both songs before voting.

Better Way To Be Bad

Getting Stronger

[kittykat1325]

Guys I'm starting to get muscle definition in my arms!! That's so exciting!! October 27th will be 1 year since I officially started my weightloss and health journey, and I'm so glad I've stuck with it. I know to some it might seem stupid but after 4 years of being over Weight this is a big deal to me 😁😁😁

Also October 27th will be one year since I last was in the psyc ward 😅😅 so my health journey is both mental and physical

[otter1962crystalball]

If I Could Talk to My Younger Self

June 21, 2024

Happy Summer Solstice and 21st day of Pride. What if I could go back in time and talk to my younger self? What would I say? What time period would I go? What situations need addressing? I think that we are the sum of all of our experiences and I know that all the things that happened, good or bad, made me who I am. If I had a role model to follow, maybe things would have been easier. I’ve heard quite a few men talk about not having a role model as a gay man or child. Rick Clemons’ Over 40 Gay Men Gay Talk is a good example. What if I’d had a role model? What would that role model say? So for today, I’m going to visit a number of times in my past and tell my younger self the he is on the right path and let him know how to deal with the pain of rejection, the horrors of being bullied, the fear of the unknown and more. Maybe that would have made my life a little easier. So, here goes…

The first time I would go back would be when I was five and tell him that whenever he feels different that he is not alone.  As an adult, I know he was feeling like he was the only one that was made that way. I’d tell him that he is not a mistake and that God will not wipe his name out of his book (See my Pride and Spirituality blog on June 2, 2024).

I would also let him know that there will be tough times ahead, but he will be strong and that he must not feel inferior or less than anyone else. He will also know that he will come to accept himself as he is and not feel less of a human being. As I reflect I know that there are so many gay men who have grown up pretending to be something other than what they really were. If the younger Grant could hear that he is not alone and not a mistake, he might have an opportunity to develop a much stronger sense of self esteem and not lose that zest for life that he had at that time.

The second time I would go back to is when I was first bullied by the kids at school. The day that he got berated in the changeroom is when I would pull him aside (See my Bullying entry on June 5th). I would tell him to not be afraid to be different and that others may not always accept that. I’ll let him know that in time, more and more people will be allies and those bullies are just insecure children who seek out others they perceive as weak and different. I’d mention that one day he will be able to celebrate the fact that he is gay.

The third time I would visit myself is when I was waiting for a bus as I left for Calgary against my parents’ wishes (See my Pride Blog Entry Why Did God Make Them That way). I would tell him that again, he wasn’t alone. I would tell him that he needed to do what he was doing to become the man he was supposed to. He would have to accept himself before expecting anyone else to accept him.

The fourth time would be the day I found out that I was HIV+. I would take him to a park and sit with him. I would tell him that he would get through this and that it wasn’t a death sentence. I would let him know that there would be a lot of stigma around this syndrome. I would tell him that it wasn’t because he deserved it or that he was a bad person (See my Pride Blog Entry “White Picket Fence and All! - Part 2"). I would mention that he is and always will be a strong person who can get through difficult times - as long as he believes in himself.

The fifth time would be when I was standing at the back window worrying that Dean might blow up my house making crystal meth (Blog called “Facing Addiction). I would tell him that the world might look bleak at the moment, but he will get through this with courage and grace. It will be difficult and there may be times when he wants to give up and that he should never, ever give up. I would say that he has so much to live for and will accomplish wonderful things.

The sixth time would be when I was struggling with codependency with my ex-husband or the next boyfriend who was also a narcissist like my ex-husband. I’ve just realized that I’ve not written about this so I will cover it tomorrow in my blog. 

I think that is the last time I would want to visit. I didn’t include my bout with cancer because, while it was difficult, I had a lot of tools that I earned in all the other situations that could help me with my diagnosis.

As I look back on my life, I see myself taking steps forward and some backward. What is promising is that I am moving ahead more than behind. I think this is the answer to my questions at the beginning of this blog. I am a sum of my experiences and I am stronger for it. 

For Pride, I am celebrating getting through life without a role model. It’s my hope that maybe there is a young gay man somewhere who could benefit from an older gay man’s experiences and build hope for their future lives.

Carpe diem. Happy Pride.

[delicatedemons]

[Verse] Took a long time Breaking myself down Building myself up Repeating it Took a long time Breaking myself down Building myself up Repeating it

[Bridge] I don't wanna feel fearless I don't wanna feel fearless I don't wanna feel fearless Ah, ah, ah (Ah, ah, ah)

[symphonyofsilence]

Let the poor man rest.

[crumb-crumblet-s-crumbington]

i liked repairing space bridges

[womanredefined24]

While I know we have a long way to go to see equality for women in the work force and in general, I don't want to forget that topics women openly discuss their eating disorder history and recovery, we far too often forget that men can have them to, but don't speak up about it, because it is a lot of the time only seen as something women of any age can get.

[akanemnon]

Told ya they should've come up a plan B

FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT

MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)

[allthebettertobiteyouwith]

Need to talk a sweet boy through an orgasm so bad. Wanna tell him he's being such a good dog for me, and I know it's a lot, baby, I know, but he's doing so well for me, and he's making such pretty noises <3

[wheniwasyoungihadaturtle]

Gogo just built different

[mintaikkcorpse]

I think this is where I peaked as an artist

[therandomestwriter]

"Everything comes full circle and what I once struggled with is now becoming my greatest strength."

Very true words I received today. I’ve come along way since last year.

[thepersonalhermit]

Well what do you know, doing push and pull day back to back doesn't actually affect how much you can lift? I mean like...I figured that but to actually do it is very eye opening. My brain sort of automatically assumes that arm exercises two days in a row will mean that arms are tired and day two will be terrible, but I didn't find that at all.

Toddler was very happy to go back to "the gym, I or o" (I go to the Y and she has been guessing letters which is adorable). I was very happy to get this done the day after doing this at home:

I'm pretty sure I'm using my gym time/workouts to distract myself from my surgery coming up in March. However, I think this is a fairly healthy coping mechanism, and will help me recover faster. I love my routine, it's my neuro-spicy thing now that I gave it set I don't want to change it.

Yesterday I also started sorting through my 1.5" fabric strips for my best friend to use for a quilting class. It's a scrappy I spy sort of improv design, so I'm throwing everything in. Last week at the sip and sew I went to, one of the store employees gave me a ton of fabric scraps (we're both very scrappy quilters and people bring her scraps). So I also went through those and pulled out the ones that will be fun in my friend's quilt. Now I need to cut them all into strips (photo is about half of the gifted fabric).