#Home Work Help Online
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As cameras becomes more normalized (Sarah Bernhardt encouraging it, grifters on the rise, young artists using it), I wanna express how I will never turn to it because it fundamentally bores me to my core. There is no reason for me to want to use cameras because I will never want to give up my autonomy in creating art. I never want to become reliant on an inhuman object for expression, least of all if that object is created and controlled by manufacturing companies. I paint not because I want a painting but because I love the process of painting. So even in a future where everyone’s accepted it, I’m never gonna sway on this.
if i have to explain to you that using a camera to take a picture is not the same as using generative ai to generate an image then you are a fucking moron.
#ask me#anon#no more patience for this#i've heard this for the past 2 years#“an object created and controlled by companies” anon the company cannot barge into your home and take your camera away#or randomly change how it works on a whim. you OWN the camera that's the whole POINT#the entire point of a camera is that i can control it and my body to produce art. photography is one of the most PHYSICAL forms of artmakin#you have to communicate with your space and subjects and be conscious of your position in a physical world.#that's what makes a camera a tool. generative ai (if used wholesale) is not a tool because it's not an implement that helps you#do a task. it just does the task for you. you wouldn't call a microwave a “tool”#but most importantly a camera captures a REPRESENTATION of reality. it captures a specific irreproducible moment and all its data#read Roland Barthes: Studium & Punctum#generative ai creates an algorithmic IMITATION of reality. it isn't truth. it's the average of truths.#while conceptually that's interesting (if we wanna get into media theory) but that alone should tell you why a camera and ai aren't the sam#ai is incomparable to all previous mediums of art because no medium has ever solely relied on generative automation for its creation#no medium of art has also been so thoroughly constructed to be merged into online digital surveillance capitalism#so reliant on the collection and commodification of personal information for production#if you think using a camera is “automation” you have worms in your brain and you need to see a doctor#if you continue to deny that ai is an apparatus of tech capitalism and is being weaponized against you the consumer you're delusional#the fact that SO many tumblr lefists are ready to defend ai while talking about smashing the surveillance state is baffling to me#and their defense is always “well i don't engage in systems that would make me vulnerable to ai so if you own an apple phone that's on you”#you aren't a communist you're just self-centered
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i have no idea where the compulsion to giver her a pokemon came from ??? but her and her minccino gotta go make sure her husband stays safe.
#my characters#pkmn#honestly very shocked she got so many notes yesterday and yes she has a white cat#why did i feel the need to give her a pokemon ?? idk!#but also fun fact i cant recall if i mentioned in tags yet#is she really does just worry about how nice her husband is bc while hes recovering#she has to say mmmm maybe we DONT call an electrician over while im at work and cant be here for you#and hes like well why not ?? do you think the electrician is going to kidnap me????#and shes like not really but you ARE really gullible and suffering a head injury where you space out at times and i dont want#to leave you here with a stranger ok#and the husband is just like you know what thats actually so valid i am really gullible i might be tricked into something#and just accepts it ! hes like YEAH ! i AM easy to convince of things! my wife is so cool and smart and looking out for us#but its also why he realizes while hes at home recovering there are ONLINE COURSES he can take#and so he starts to look online and figures out how to fix the flickering himself and gets a couple online courses under his belt#and he uses his engineering and construction knowledge to help him figure out how to build death contraptions#and so his wife is like sweetheart why dont you try to do something with that as a job? you have the ability#and hes like yeah but what do i put on a resume?#i used free online lectures to fix lights in my bathroom and build really cool ways to die? trust me? ive died a lot?#and shes just yeah ok fair that is a bit hard to convince people you know what youre doing when you do it to die#loving wife loves her loving husband and together they go die a lot now ft a cute lil pokeman
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My. Class. Won't. Start. And it's been aFUCKING HOUR
#they always do thissa jfc they send us on break and all of a sudden everyone and their mother has questions about the hw#that just CANNOT WAIT until the end of the class#and i fucking can't like brother people who DON'T have questions are just stuck here#and then we have to stay extra time at the end of class so the teacher can talk about everything he had planned for that day#brother some people work after class. some have to go home to like 20 different chores to do and would appreciate an extra half hour for it#it drives me insane bc they aren't even efficient with it. it's not like it's an hour long bc 200 people go ask stuff#it's just like 20 guys that have a 10/20 minute conversation with the teacher about a specific exercise¿??#and maybe I'm just being a hater here but the times I've needed to ask shit i usually FIRST make sure my numbers are correct#and also that I'm not misunderstanding any theory#and then if it's still not working after many tries and i couldn't find help by any other means#(like someone who has solved a similar thing online and can give me some ideas 4 a different approach)#THEN i go to the teacher and tell them how I've been thinking about the problem and the entire convo usually just goes#'i'm doing this' 'hmmm actually i would think about ut this other way. pay more attention to this part' and then I LEAVE#i leave and i think about it all over again by myself i do not ask the teacher to solve every last bit for me for the next 10 minutes#and it's not like I'm against people asking theory questions bc like some shit IS hard to grasp and it's cool if u need it re explained to u#but it's like some of these people don't even TRY like... oh.. yk.. ACTUALLY STUDYING?#reviewing your notes and actually thinking about the problems for a minute b4 deciding u just can't solve it??#and honestly it would all be nice and good if they did that during the last hour of class bc then it wouldn't be my business anymore tbh#but it's fucking up my class time and now I'm hungry and fucking upset bc i can't leaveeeeeeee
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What are your boundaries when it comes to things like pronouns, names and stuff? (Like, "some people can use this specific pronoun with me but others can't, I prefer being called by this other pronoun by other people that aren't part of that specific group") /gen
I've seen this post you talked a bit about that but I can't remember what you said, plus I still ended with a few doubts
I'm everything everywhere all at once
I'm nothing nowhere never at all
I'm like if a man and a woman had a baby
#idk#atp idk if I care#unlabeled#I prefer to not be perceived#I don't want to be referred to#definitely queer or smth#ask reply#anon ask#I always felt drawn to the term “alien”#I'm not from here I was just sent here to study you guys and for that I wear the suit of a human#it's not working and everybody can tell but nobody has the balls to say anything#like that awkward situation when your boss has parsley stuck in his teeth and doesn't notice but it's kinda uncomfortable to tell him nicely#I get really sick from y'alls atmosphere I've been nauseous for 26 years I wanna go home#not helpful#but idk#truly don't and I have very specific circumferential boundaries that cannot be put into words tho#or maybe I don't want to bc I sincerely don't want to be perceived which is why I never leave my house and never go online much#people I like? idc#people I dislike/who hate me? very specific rules. cannot use any of my names. cannot use he/they.#if I could be anything I want I would want to be a big beautiful fat man though#text post
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#i feel like the world’s biggest dumbass and i know terminally online brain rot reassurance seeking#but i just agonize myself so much over church stuff#so last sunday at mass lady comes up and taps me on the shoulder ‘hi i’ve noticed you around i’d just like to welcome you to the parish’#i’ve been attending semi-regularly for probably 3 years now but hokay#’we really need help at the picnic’ okay.#look at least she’s transparent and whatnot#but i just. i dunno man#it’s so small town everybody knows each other here that even though i attended some parishes for years at a time#nobody knows me or talks to me#the only time they do is when they need something#and at my old parish i was comfortable with everybody so i didn’t mind stepping in when somebody needed help?#it’s not that i’m opposed to volunteer work i would actually love to#but picnics. idk man#i get that they’re fundraisers and that’s important but any sort of social/extra stuff i kind of don’t get the point#not that it’s bad but comparatively unimportant and uninteresting to me#and in the past a church i went to down here were like ‘you’re doing this all day.’#no asking. nothing like that#so i wound up running a booth for like 8 hours on my day off#and i quit going after that because i don’t want people to have my phone number and expect things from me#who don’t even bother to ask me or act like my time matters or i have a life and other things i need to do#which i know is mostly bs cause i don’t have a life and my shit can wait#but i don’t know why i feel so guilty over this nonsense.#like it’s gonna storm this afternoon and it’s grey and muggy outside so idk what they’ll do anyway#i really really don’t want to go wander in and try to find people i don’t know so they can tell me what to do all day#but i feel like i should because they asked#even though i don’t feel great and know i’d be miserable and stressed the whole time#and that when i came home i’d just dread going back because now people might know me/have seen me and want to get Involved somehow#and i just don’t want that! don’t like people much! especially certain non-relationship relationships!#but i feel like it’s a sin if i don’t#and i know it’s not it’s more generic well not great in the long run
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we as roleplayers talk a lot about how rp is not a job (which is important!) and that we have lives outside of rp but I did want to say i think it's okay to use certain irl things from what you've picked up from your job and experiences in helping you.
one thing i do for example is when I'm not sure what to do, I make an irl to do list which helps me a lot because physically ticking off once a particular thing is done helps me so much and im not afraid to admit it.
#❛ 𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 ⧽ — ooc.#Idk how to word this so it may not make sense but like I introduced a to do list this week and omg ... its kept me so easily on track.#insane how the brain works. I've tried doing it online for ages but it never stuck but now it is sticking sooo much easier. I had a friend#Who used a scheduling system for the replies they needed to write bc it helped them and I don't think it's a bad thing.#As long as rp isn't taking over or you're running yourself ragged because of it. It's important to find your balance in that way#GOOD MORNING THOUGH I HOPE PEOPLE WHO ARE PULLING GET CAS GET HER!!!#I'm on 70 pity on my us acc ... so she'll be home in a couple of weeks#Tried on eu too but just built pity so I'll sit this one out on it because I do really want pha.inon lol ... I pulled so many supports in#Pena.cony so this round is dps💝#you'll notice I've stopped posting starters but thats bc my queue keeps on removing some of my formatting#so I need to look into that 🥲 and probs use a proper rp formatter lol
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im supposed to go in office tomorrow to conduct a training & was trying to be good & go to bed early so i felt refreshed n ready for tomorrow but im too anxious over it to even sleep 😖
#I’ve been working from home since before covid & I just have social anxiety period so I’m just freaking out a little#ive been doing trainings for the past like year but never in person 😅 online is always a little easier I think#trying not to freak out or cry but not sleeping is not helping#🌙.talking into the void
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tomorrow is my first day back to work and I'm a lil nervous
I haven't been able to get anything written for here bc I've been trying to get a couple other things written (updating my Bill Cipher redemption fic and starting a Gyutaro x reader x Daki because I make poor life choices)
but I'm on light duty for a month, basically just sitting at the register checking people out, unable to do any stocking or anything bc I'm not allowed to lift anything over 15 pounds so I can't lift totes, bend much, or reach much, so I'm allowed to bring something to do in between customers... maybe I'll get some writing done? I feel as if I'll be slacking off bc that's how my brain works
but you know what, I kill myself for that store normally, I don't work full time simply because I can't afford medical insurance if I did, but even working only part time I give my all while I'm there, I'm not someone who slacks off. so if I'm healthfully and approvedly permitted to slack off and take it easy for a month, I guess I'll take it (... plus, I mean, I'll still be working, just light duty, it's not like I'll show up and get paid to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, I'm still gonna be ringing out customers)
ANYWAY MY POINT IS-
get those last requests in! after I get home from work tomorrow, I'll be closing the askbox and won't open it back up till this batch is finished and I swear I mean that this time 😂
#mod post#should I have ordered Jessii Vee merch knowing I am not getting paid for two weeks bc I didn't work for two weeks ? maybe not#BUT DAMMIT THIS IS WHY I HAVE SAVINGS#'weirdness all the way ' button and YANA 'be kind' button and squishy pink gummi bear COME TO ME#... been uh. been doing a lot of impulse online shopping while I've been sitting at home bc idk it scratches a certain itch in my brain#and my mama has been nice enough to be buying most of my food when I usually buy my own just bc it's hard for me to walk around much rn#but I'm feeling a lot better physically I just get tired easily so hopefully I'm gonna be back to buying my own food soon#like I appreciate everything my mom and lil bro have been doing for me but MAN I don't like being UNABLE to do shit myself you know?#I took a shower this morning and it exhausted me and Mom had to be in there to help me the whole time in case I lost my balance or smth#it's better than it was the first week but I still hate feeling like I've temporarily lost some of my independence#I can't wait to shower by myself again and for it not to drain me#which is such a small thing to want and miss but like#OKAY TAG RANT OVER THIS RECOVERY IS JUST DRAGGING#I'm getting old tbh that's what it is I'm 30 and don't bounce back like I used to 😂😂😂😂
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the bittersweet but absolute flood of relief that comes from admitting defeat at living independently, to have to move back in with parents. we tried! we gave it our best shot for almost 3 years! but living like this (being on our own) is just not possible for us at this time of our lives. we've finally proved it to ourselves that we can't do it. it'll be okay to let ourselves rest now
#latimers parents not mine!!!! i am NOT moving back to florida LOL#really hope that the changes will be good for my mental health. this apartment is toxic to us#ive been on the verge of meltdowns Kind Of A Lot lately. imnot doing great#extremely dependent on substances. just to reach a baseline level of functioning. but even that isnt working as much anymore#the only things i do on my phone or tablet these days is like. 2 mobile games. and skirting past my dms to check latimers blog#its too overwhelming to even open discord these days yknow. everything on earth is too much for me right meow#i havent been drawing i havent been social online OR irl i havent been cooking or creating#i havent been keeping up with personal hygiene like at all im particularly ashamed about that one#i've been really bad about doing my T the past few months which is a HUGE shame because im SO fucking hyped to be on it#theres just. too many obstacles in getting it done half the time. and the other half of the time i just forget#anyway. anyway.#our lease ends in july so between now and then we're just gonna try our best to tolerate our living situation enough to get by#there's a light at the end of the tunnel. and its called 'i only have to be in charge of like 2 rooms at most. and not a household!'#we're gonna try to slowly comb through all our things between now and then so the process of moving wont suck as bad#cuz listen. its pretty fucking bad right now#maybe not for other people. but it is for me. and its okay to let myself come to terms with that#im just. so relieved. still very stressed! but theres at least light at the end of the tunnel and its only like 2 months away#ill be able to draw guilt-free again. ill be able to just EXIST guilt-free#i dont think ive felt guilt-free for just existing the way i do since like. turning 20#i know my mom wouldve loved if i stayed home forever. and im sad i cant be there for her#but ever since i had a fight with my dad at 15 or 16 it just really felt like he didnt want me there more and more#maybe as the youngest he was resenting that i was preventing him from becoming an empty nester or something. i dont know#because all the other kids had been moved out and on their own at least once but i had never left home before#i dont know if he'd be heartbroken or not to hear that i feeling like he was resenting me. but thats the energy i was picking up for years#i dunno. i dont know#anyway. back to housing. for now im going to try to relax and store energy for the moving process#the huge pile of things by the kitchen? i dont have to worry about that becoming permanent because we're leaving in 2 months#the general discord of the state of our possessions? we have to go through everything to pack it all anyway. we can move in RIGHT this time#when we moved in here we didnt have a car or license so we were dependent on latimers 3-hr-drive-away parents to help us move#just /across town/. and we had a whole month between leases! but it still had to be done in a weekend
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Faith without works is dead, and witness without action is useless.
And this is about the two guys with megaphones I saw yelling themselves squeaky about Jesus on the corner of 8th and Market on my way home today, but it's also about people who lecture folks online about social justice all day every day without actually doing something, however small, to make justice happen or even meet people's basic needs.
#literally first thought seeing these dudes standing in freezing temps yelling at people was 'go feed somebody. goddamn.'#if you are hardy enough to stand out in 32F temps yelling for hours you are hardy enough to help distribute food or supplies!#but I want to be clear even if all you can do is stay home and type that is ok. even 'just' typing can be put to good work.#but lecturing people online all day or preaching to the choir just. isn't good work. I'm sorry but we gotta do more.#tilting at windmills
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i HAVE to keep the daigo plush locked away lest i squeeze it every five minutes to alleviate the cuteness aggression i feel whenever i see it
#snap chats#being without my computer charger has been maddening#that makes me sound terminally online and its because i am. its also cause all i ever wanna do is draw :((#AND I ESP WANNA WORK ON MY COMMS NOOOOO FUCK#i mean i was at least able to read through yakuza’s bias vol 2… so theres that…#MY SCHOOL STORE DIDNT HAVE LAPTOP CHARGERS i had to order one… hopefully it gets here Overnight like i asked….. if not ill kill#anyway. daigo plushie so cute :((((((((((((((((#mine cute too but theres just something especially squeezeable about daigo#alas.. thats what the aoki plush’ll be for. my personal stress toy ☠️☠️☠️☠️#lowkey i wish i also got ichi but then i remenbee they made him pale as all hell and Yeah Im Not Putting Money To That#THE SMALLEST BIT OF A TAN I BEG YOU RGG WHY IS HE SO PALE IT DONT LOOK RIIIIGHT :((((#anyway.. i have my last class in half an hour… lemme drink this tea…#also Lowkey obsessed with my outfit today.. its that butterfly shirt + gold accessories since theyre monarch butterflies#tho Lowkey 2x the black and yellow remind me of the watase blokes from gaiden…… wack…..#ok bye its tea time#help one of my roommates just came home and she just announces like. ‘man those edibles were. OUGH’#calling my dad to pick me up nooo im a lame straight edge dont talk about drugs around me ill scream and cry LMAO#ok im done byebye lemme drink this good god
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u know it’s bad when ur doctor literally goes “hey you need to take a break from Lent/going to Mass this year until we work through some stuff”.
#blue chatter#this is because I am at the point where I cannot walk into a church without shaking#I had two really bad experiences at Mass in a row and it was. honestly rly damaging.#neither of the churches in my area are really viable places for me to go right now#so either I try and find an Orthodox Church or smth#or I go to online mass#but yeah my therapist is specifically known for helping ppl work thru religious trauma n scrupulosity n such#and she was like ‘hey. building up your relationship with God is really important. if you go to those churches again it is going to be bad’#the goal is getting to a point where I can live my faith and be close to God in a safe and healthy environment#bc the panic and guilt spirals and anger is not it girliepop#point being. I will be observing Ash Wednesday at home this year.#and be talking with my therapist about a good Lenten devotion that won’t cause more harm than it helps
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weeping and crying because my mom bought us groceries while we're stuck inside with covid
#[static]#covid round 2 ... i guess ....#i still mask up at work and in public so im rather happy that i didnt bring it home#but i did get it from a fellow housemate ... which felt inevitable considering the circumstances#cant really ... constantly mask up inside my own house#though we had started masking when she found out she went to lunch with someone who had covid but alas it was too late for us#but my mom sent us money to get a buttload of groceries sent to the house which im super duper grateful for fgkjdf#i haaaaate accepting or asking for money but my mom knows this so if I'm ever sick she always sends me something without asking#which helped a bunch because i only had $100 until next Thursday fkdgjgk#now i can make soup today without worrying about how much a whole chicken costs#this is also why i work at a grocery store because all the stuff i just ordered would be much cheaper with my discount#its so hard to order groceries online when im like 'i could get this for $5 at work' lmao everything is soooo overpriced nowadays#but i quite literally cant walk into a store rn so orderin online was the only way to go
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Sometimes I go on a tangent trying to analyze how I feel about or why I do certain things, & I often feel that by focusing on typing it out it's easier for me to actually make conclusions about the "why", but I still don't have a solution & it's kinda frustrating that I do all this analyzing about myself & still feel like a lazy disappointment to everyone around me.
#tmi#brought to you by me typing up what i hate about different cleaning tasks that makes it difficult for me to motivate myself to do#i ended up deleting my vent blog since i haven't used it in forever. i sometimes type these tangents up on masotdon but the character limit-#-makes it annoying & also i feel like I shouldn't post so much of these tangents online. sometimes i end up in a tangent while messaging my-#-s/o. sometimes it happens in the tags of a post i make or reblog#this time i tried just doing it in my phone's notes but when my s/o asked me what i'm doing i ended up rambling to him#i just get so frustrated with myself. very few people like cleaning but ppl do it anyway bc it needs to be done.#all the advice i find is either “just do the thing” or “break it into smaller steps” & the latter is helpful... but i have a hard time-#-figuring out what the smaller steps should be. also i constantly worry about my parents judging how I cleaned something (esp my step dad)#& everything is so exhausting. & everything needs to be done so frequently.#sometimes in certain situations I actually do enjoy cleaning! but it's never at home#i can be so damn productive at work or in class but as soon as it's time to leave my brain shuts off#& @ home it's like my brain can ONLY focus on what it *wants* to do.#i just hate my brain. my meds help a bit but they aren't a magical cure for my laziness
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#laying here thinking about how 5 minutes before i called my dad yesterday to come out to him and talk gender#instagram glitched and in the little chat bubbles it showed me my dead mentor/friend was online.#it was the most worldstopping blood chilling glitch#she's been dead since 2016#she died before this feature even EXISTED#and yet. there she was. i watched her face pop up with that little green dot. i took a screenshot. and then after the longest two minutes#or so of my life. she vanished.#when i first sent the screenshot to tori i was so upset. being reminded of her and the loss of it all always makes me so sad#but then. as i was typing out my message i thought about how she was older. she was an adult but we were friends because she was my manager#at my HS retail job and she took a liking to me. we became incredibly close. she would always schedule me on her days & i even hung out wit#her and sometimes her young daughter outside of work. going to concerts and pool parties and the like.#but most importantly. she was the first ADULT in my life that clocked me as queer and was OKAY with that. that was supportive even.#she wanted me to be Myself and to be Loved for that. she flew out to SF for pride the first year i knew her [id only known her a few weeks#at this point as well] and when she came back she brought me a variety of rainbow-colored pride bracelets and a necklace and a shirt#she wanted me to have them since i didnt have anything like that yet. as my mom would never have allowed it#and i kept them hidden away and wore them to work and just.......felt so LOVED by her and she really helped me come into my identity when i#felt i couldnt at home. and......i am a FIRM non believer in ghosts or the afterlife or anything like that for the most part#but MAN if it didnt suddenly hit me all at once that like......#it almost felt like she could feel my heart beating out of my chest#scared to have this talk with my dad about my gender#and she reached out from beyond the grave to squeeze my hand and tell me it was gonna be ok.....#sure. it was probably just some weird glitch. but what a STRANGE glitch to happen#and what incredibly wild timing. both for When it Happened and also that i Saw It for the brief moment it was there.....#anyway. thats been on my mind for two full days now.#if it was you Jeni.........thanks. it went well. you were right#and.....i miss you.
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