#How To Write A Letter To Stop Divorce

[inkskinned]

i have chronic pain. i am neurodivergent. i understand - deeply - the allure of a "quick fix" like AI. i also just grew up in a different time. we have been warned about this.

15 entire years ago i heard about this. in my forensics class in high school, we watched a documentary about how AI-based "crime solving" software was inevitably biased against people of color.

my teacher stressed that AI is like a book: when someone writes it, some part of the author will remain within the result. the internet existed but not as loudly at that point - we didn't know that AI would be able to teach itself off already-biased Reddit threads. i googled it: yes, this bias is still happening. yes, it's just as bad if not worse.

i can't actually stop you. if you wanna use ChatGPT to slide through your classes, that's on you. it's your money and it's your time. you will spend none of it thinking, you will learn nothing, and, in college, you will piss away hundreds of thousands of dollars. you will stand at the podium having done nothing, accomplished nothing. a cold and bitter pyrrhic victory.

i'm not even sure students actually read the essays or summaries or emails they have ChatGPT pump out. i think it just flows over them and they use the first answer they get. my brother teaches engineering - he recently got fifty-three copies of almost-the-exact-same lab reports. no one had even changed the wording.

and yes: AI itself (as a concept and practice) isn't always evil. there's AI that can help detect cancer, for example. and yet: when i ask my students if they'd be okay with a doctor that learned from AI, many of them balk. it is one thing if they don't read their engineering textbook or if they don't write the critical-thinking essay. it's another when it starts to affect them. they know it's wrong for AI to broad-spectrum deny insurance claims, but they swear their use of AI is different.

there's a strange desire to sort of divorce real-world AI malpractice over "personal use". for example, is it moral to use AI to write your cover letters? cover letters are essentially only templates, and besides: AI is going to be reading your job app, so isn't it kind of fair?

i recently found out that people use AI as a romantic or sexual partner. it seems like teenagers particularly enjoy this connection, and this is one of those "sticky" moments as a teacher. honestly - you can roast me for this - but if it was an actually-safe AI, i think teenagers exploring their sexuality with a fake partner is amazing. it prevents them from making permanent mistakes, it can teach them about their bodies and their desires, and it can help their confidence. but the problem is that it's not safe. there isn't a well-educated, sensitive AI specifically to help teens explore their hormones. it's just internet-fed cycle. who knows what they're learning. who knows what misinformation they're getting.

the most common pushback i get involves therapy. none of us have access to the therapist of our dreams - it's expensive, elusive, and involves an annoying amount of insurance claims. someone once asked me: are you going to be mad when AI saves someone's life?

therapists are not just trained on the book, they're trained on patient management and helping you see things you don't see yourself. part of it will involve discomfort. i don't know that AI is ever going to be able to analyze the words you feed it and answer with a mind towards the "whole person" writing those words. but also - if it keeps/kept you alive, i'm not a purist. i've done terrible things to myself when i was at rock bottom. in an emergency, we kind of forgive the seatbelt for leaving bruises. it's just that chat shouldn't be your only form of self-care and recovery.

and i worry that the influence chat has is expanding. more and more i see people use chat for the smallest, most easily-navigated situations. and i can't like, make you worry about that in your own life. i often think about how easy it was for social media to take over all my time - how i can't have a tiktok because i spend hours on it. i don't want that to happen with chat. i want to enjoy thinking. i want to enjoy writing. i want to be here. i've already really been struggling to put the phone down. this feels like another way to get you to pick the phone up.

the other day, i was frustrated by a book i was reading. it's far in the series and is about a character i resent. i googled if i had to read it, or if it was one of those "in between" books that don't actually affect the plot (you know, one of those ".5" books). someone said something that really stuck with me - theoretically you're reading this series for enjoyment, so while you don't actually have to read it, one would assume you want to read it.

i am watching a generation of people learn they don't have to read the thing in their hand. and it is kind of a strange sort of doom that comes over me: i read because it's genuinely fun. i learn because even though it's hard, it feels good. i try because it makes me happy to try. and i'm watching a generation of people all lay down and say: but i don't want to try.

[beloveds-embrace]

duke au angst, but könig isn’t a knight. He’s either not in it and reader just sinks into a pit of depression and withdrawals so much that rumours start speculation around the ton that reader is either dead or murder and it starts to take a toll on john reputation (they start going after why him, simon, johnny and kyle are so close) or a könig is an Austrian duke/way closer to royalty and when he’s over for business with John and/or simon, he and the reader hit it off (much to the boys dismay) and reader plans on leaving without a word, leaving nothing more than a vague letter that details why and a set of divorce papers (helped achieved by könig) and by the time they realise their mistake readers already living the high life in austria

….okay but the first one’s got me downright obsessed, anon 😩 second one too and i feel like i will absolutely end up caving and writing it later but for now, have this!

Angst dukedom post

Non-angst dukedome post(no konig in this one)

No but seriously, there is only so much you can take. Between everyone’s dismissal of you, the lack of any meaningful company, the loneliness- it was only a matter of time before you just… can’t do it anymore.

The change, though it starts slow, is impossible to hide. You stop having dinner with John, finding no solace in the taste of lukewarm, half-heartedly prepared food. You tell yourself it’s not worth it- the stilted conversations, the empty looks, the way his eyes always drift to anything but you. He’s too busy sharing hidden glances with Kyle, exchanging quiet touches with Johnny when he hand delivers the food, speaking to Simon with an intensity that has never been for you.

You stop attending the endless galas and balls you are meant expected to attend as the Duchess. You withdraw from the tea parties, from every suffocating event where you were paraded as nothing more than an ornament on Duke Price’s arm. You withdraw from the public eye itself.

Instead, you drift through the duchy, through the rooms that are suddenly empty when you arrive. You drift to and fro, in a haze of lonelinthat and slow-setting exhaustion.

The maids whispered of you before, but it used to be out of your earshot; now, you can hear them clearly, none of them afraid of being punished when not even your own husband can stand your sight. They mutter about how sickly you look, how your eyes are dull and lifeless.

She’s wasting away.

Maybe it’s for the best.

No one can love someone who fades into the walls.

But of course, the whispers aren’t just within the duchy. Rumors ripple out beyond the duchy’s walls-

The Duchess has gone mad, they say. Locked away by her husband, for her own good.

She ran away in the dead of night, they say. Couldn’t bear her husband’s coldness. Maybe he drove her to it.

He’s always with Duke Riley, isn’t he? Or the butler. Or the chef.

Poor thing. No wonder she vanished.

All of it gnaws and bites at John’s reputation, at yours, but he never comes to you and it doesn’t surprise you at all. He would rather find a way to bury it all then simply check on you. The facade has always been more important, and he keeps it with half-hearted excuses half-believed by some and dismissed by others.

But they are relentless, and soon they taint every interaction he has. No one meets him without a hint of suspicion in their eyes. How much of it is true, they seem to ask. What did you do to her? Is she really gone? She was a good woman, how could you do that to her? There is more scrutiny now on the time he spends with Simon, with Kyle, with Johnny. He starts to avoid public events himself, unwilling to face the relentless gossip that hangs over him now like a dark cloud.

Eventually, you stop dressing for the day, leaving your hair unkempt, your gowns crumpled and out of style. No one comes to check on you, the maids happy at having less work, and you tell yourself that you prefer it that way. No eyes to judge. No lips to lie. The solitude is nothing new, even if it’s never been this severe before.

Time blurs, too. You stop looking at the newspapers when they stop being delivered. The days mean nothing when every morning brings only a new kind of numbness, and some days you spend entirely in bed, too tired to even think about taking a step outside.

Yet, even with your noticeable absence, nothing changes. No one knocks on your door, not even once. No one checks to see if you’re eating, breathing, surviving. You feel so achingly lonely.

John doesn’t approach you once. You have become a specter, more distant than ever. And though he and the others feel a creeping sense of guilt- Kyle finds himself lingering outside your door, only to turn away with clenched fists; Johnny’s jokes die in his throat when he hears your name; Simon stares at the spot you used to take during the dinners and lunches he’d join; John stares at the very few portraits of you that line the walls and wonders how he’d even go about approaching you- none of them move to truly mend the gaping distance between you. They regret their neglect, but they do not know how to fix it. Or maybe they are simply too late.

dukedom au masterlist Part Two: Fix-it

[leclarifies]

letters (MV33)

꒰ max verstappen x childhoodbestfriend! reader ꒱

synopsis┊it was confusing, even though you were continents apart, you never understood why max never responded to your letters, until you attend the belgium gp to finally get the answers you were looking for. inspired by the prompt, "why did you never reply to my letters?" "you wrote me letters?"

genre┊ fluffy, the fluffiest fluff i've ever fluffed.

word count┊ 4.4k

aria yaps┊ i have worked on this non-stop for two days, and i loved the way it turned out, maybe one of my favorite works. enjoy reading this as much as i enjoy writing this!!

SECOND PART

she was always around max, either from the sidelines or the first person max ran to when he won a race, it was always her. not even his father, even though he held his father to the highest regard, but it was always her.

the little wrinkles on the edge of her eyes when she smiled at him, the way her lips would curl up, or the way she would giggle every. single. time. that he would come and hug her after every race finish. he remembers it all. and the way he would snuggle his face in the crook of her neck and asked her softly after he would win a race, 'did you see me win, schatje?'

she would always smile back with a laugh, 'of course i did maxie.'

it was always about max, her life revolved around him, whether he liked it or not. she adored him and maybe he adored her a little bit more. they were childhood friends, they were inseparable since they were little babies, their mothers being friends made it even harder for the both of them to not be attached at the hip.

she loved being in his presence and he loved her.

the divorce between jos and sophie was hard on max, he blamed himself and his career but she was always there to tell him that it's not his fault. that their decision was their own and she never forgot to tell max that it wasn't his fault, no matter how much they told him that it was.

she saw the way jos had pushed max to his limits, get physical with his own son and his way of escaping that life was run to her arms, she was there tending to every bruise, every wound whether physical or emotional. she was his rock and it was final. nothing anyone could ever say or do would change his name.

"schatje," max had gently woken her up from her slumber, and she stirred awake from his soft voice, she noticed where she was and finally remembered what happened.

max had finished lower than expected and jos had thrown hurtful things about max, she was there on his mother's couch, comforting him and had fallen asleep that way, with max on her lap, "are you sleepy?"

she shook her head, not wanting to admit that yes, indeed she was sleepy, but if max needed comfort then that wasn't a big deal to her, "what's wrong maxie?"

"nothing, you can sleep on my bed if you're tired. i can sleep here," max had brushed a stray strand of her hair behind her ear but she refused, she hated taking his bed because she knew how uncomfortable the couch was, she wanted him to sleep well.

but he wouldn't allow her to take the couch, so they both slept on sophie's couch almost cuddled with eachother because they were both stubborn.

max was necessarily content with how he was living his life right now, but she made it better and that's all he could ask for. was it her smile? maybe her presence? max didn't care. the first memory he could remember from his early childhood was her, and it was etched into his memory like stone.

she was content with being max's rock, she was there to keep him grounded and she too only had memories of him from her early childhood. she wouldn't replace him for the world, he was too precious for anything in this earthly world.

but there was one day, it felt like a bomb dropped on her. her father had told her that he would have to move to korea to continue work, and she didn't know how to break the news to max until a few days before she had to leave.

she knew it was wrong to keep something this big away from max, but she was so stricken with anxiety that she never got the chance to until max came over to her house and saw all the packed boxes with their belongings.

"why didn't you tell me sooner?" max was angry, she could tell, by the way he was pacing around her room, looking at the packed boxes around. max thought he meant more to her than just a measly friend, he felt frustrated— betrayed almost. why wouldn't she tell him? why would she keep something as big as this away from him?

"why didn't you say something before? why now? why before you could see me race this weekend?" max was raising his voice now, and she didn't know what to do. her eyes turned glassy and those doe eyes max loved so much just looked so sad.

she stayed quiet, a guilty look on her face. she knew max would break from the news, and she knew that it would affect his performance, but she didn't know how to stay, how to convince her father that she didn't want to go, so yet again, she stayed silent in important moments of her life.

"schatje, can you say something? say anything?!" max yelled and she flinches, she didn't know what to say or what to do, she wanted to say something, say anything. but nothing would come to her lips. it was so hard for her when he was angry like this, it reminded her of his father and his father was deathly scary when angry.

a sigh escapes max's lips when he sees her flinch, coming close to her to wrap her in a hug. tears escaped from her eyes as she held onto max tight, "i didn't know how to tell you," she whispers into max's ear but max didn't say anything to that, just held her even tighter and he did not want to let go.

"it's okay schatje, i'm not mad at you. i could never get mad at you, i'm sorry for raising my voice. i just don't want you to go," tears started to escape max's eyes too, he didn't want to see her go. he wanted her to stay, and she did too. but the universe was pulling them apart and there was nothing either of them could do about it.

the ride to the airport was tough, being only fifteen and sixteen respectively. max held her hand the entire time, not wanting to let go, he didn't want her to leave, she was his biggest support system and he couldn't imagine her gone like that.

she was the most scared of the two of them, what if her father never returned to belgium? what if she was stuck there in korea forever? what if she never got to see his pretty blue eyes anymore?

max was the one to ground her, no longer lost in her thoughts, "can you promise me we'll keep in touch? or maybe visit from time to time?" max was holding onto her hands tightly, she felt like they would bruise, she could only smile and nod.

her mother had called her over, it was time to go. she looked at max for what it felt like the last time and left her life in belgium.

dear schatje,

hi, this is the first week that you're gone and it's bene been so hard without you here with me. i forgot that you weren't here anymore and i was expecting to see your face, but when i didn't, i may or may not have almost cried.

i miss you so much. tell me how it is in korea, is it cold? do they have bears there? what about the food? is it good? can you eat it? i heard there's a lot of spiy spicy food there? honestly i don't care about what they have there, i just care about you.

when can you visit again? can you tell me if you're ever coming back? i'm so worried about you there, i miss you... so much schatje.

written with a lot of love, your maxie.

max always handed off his letters to his father, telling his father to hand it off to his mother because apparently they kept in contact and wanted to send it off to the post office on behalf of him.

he just wondered how she was doing there.

it's been months and countless of letters max had sent, and none of them replied. he was starting to lose hope, he didn't want to think that his best friend would forget about him so easily like that, but he held out hope. he knew that she wouldn't magically forget about him now that she was there.

jealousy bubbled within him when he realized that she would be meeting new people, what if she met someone like him? who enjoyed karting and wanted to steal her attention?

no, he couldn't be thinking like that. he loved her and he knew she loved him as much as he did, so he told himself to just be patient, maybe letters to korea took months to reach?

the naviety was almost laughable but he was fine with it. he just wanted to hear back from his pretty girl.

"i do not understand why you keep writing letters to that stupid girl, she doesn't reply to you and all it does is distract you," jos had reprimanded his son, but max was stubborn. he didn't care what his father had to say, he loved all of her, even when she was thousands of kilometers away. he wanted to talk, even when she never replied.

max was in the process of writing another letter, but he never listened to his father, not about her. not about how much of a distraction she's been to his career, he didn't care. he used it as motivation to get better on the track, so the next time she saw him, he would be a world champion, that's what he silently promised to her.

it had been two years, and he hadn't heard a peep back. slowly, he was starting to lose hope but he couldn't lose hope, every single time he would send off the letters, he told himself that maybe it got lost in the mail.

max kept writing though.

max's debut in f1 was explosive to say the least, his interviews would absolutely go viral by the things he was saying in them. he didn't understand why, he just said what was on his mind.

what was truly on his mind was her.

was he not good enough for her? was him being in f1 not enough to impress her? why wouldn't she write back?

oh god how he missed her.

he still wrote to her weekly, it was religious at this point. he never forgot and he always told his father to send them off to his mother and the week after that was always disappointment because he wouldn't hear anything back.

little did he know, she never received those letters.

max had slowly stopped writing letters as he got into f1, he didn't see a point in it anymore. she never replied. she didn't care. letters didn't take years to reach korea, and he finally lost hope.

winning his first championship felt empty, the pretty girl who used to be waiting for him wasn't there for him anymore. of course, he was happy to win such an impressive feat, who wouldn't? but it just... lacked her.

max indeed lost hope that she would ever write back, but never lost hope that she was out there, somewhere, watching him race every single week and beat the shit out of his rivals. she loved watching him race and that's what he intended to do until the day he died, he wanted to impress her, maybe that was his ulterior motive to becoming a formula one driver.

all just to impress his best friend who had lost contact with him for a decade now.

"you need to stop figdeting so much," her mother had scolded her, she could only laugh nervously and stop fidgeting around. she wondered why max never wrote back to her, she had written him letters. did he hate her for moving out to korea and not coming to visit belgium?

she shook the thoughts out of her head, she was here now. for his home race, and for the rest of her life. her father had now decided to move back to belgium, because and i quote, 'i don't want my daughter to lose touch with her culture'.

she was 26 now, and she had guessed that he turned 27 not too long ago. it's been so long since she talked to him and she hoped that the spark that she had been yearning for had not been lost to the passages of time.

getting the paddock passes was not easy, it was a war and a half but she managed to snag some for herself and a friend that wanted to visit belgium and would arrive later on in the week.

"how did you even manage to get paddock passes for us?" heejin, her friend that wanted to visit had asked, she could only laugh and explain how she got them, it was a war and a half. heejin laughed along with her as they both arrived and scanned their passes at the entrance.

"i'm gonna meet my best friend here— well it's complicated. i don't think he considers me a best friend anymore, but i still do," she had softly told heejin who was a big formula one fan even before meeting her, heejin raised her eyebrow when she said that.

the both of them were walking down the paddock, passing all of the different team's hospitalities. heejin raised her eyebrow at her friend, who shrugged.

"who's your best friend?" heejin had asked as they pass by the red bull hospitality, she stopped which signalled heejin to stop as well, she looked at the redbull in awe. she hadn't been to a formula one race yet, the closest she'd been was to karting but that didn't bring on the feelings she felt when standing in front of this red bull building.

"well, he's driving the number one car."

"YOUR BEST FRIEND IS MAX VERSTAPPEN?!"

"YOUR BEST FRIEND IS MAX VERSTAPPEN?!"

max had heard a girl yell, he slowly turned his head. he was confused, he didn't have a best friend— well not anymore. she had moved to korea, all memories of her stuck in his head being replayed all over and over again.

that's all he had left of her.

the other girl shushed the girl who yelled, and that's when it dawned on max. the other girl looked awfully familiar, he couldn't quite place why she looked so familiar but she looked like her, like his best friend.

"shh! you can't just yell that out in public," she clamped a hand on her friend's mouth, "they're gonna think i'm insane!" then the both of them giggled, it did sound ridiculous but now he was curious.

was she back? was that her? who was she with? is that her new best friend? is that her?

as they both walked away, max wanted to run up to them, to ask that one particular girl what her name was. what she was doing here and who she was with but all of that died when he got approached by his race engineer.

then he forgot all about that familiar girl that he saw in front of the red bull hospitality.

max would only get another glimpse of her when it was race day, they were walking through the paddock in a similar fashion, but max promised to himself that he would approach them, that he would ask but there was doubt in his heart.

what if she forgot about him?

she couldn't, right?

and so approach them he did, tapping the girl that he felt was so familiar to on the shoulder, she had turned around and they had locked eyes.

it was as if she never left.

the sparks, they all came rushing back and then his heart started beating out of his chest, he wanted to ask so many questions, why she was here, who she was with, when she came back— why she came back, why she never wrote him back.

but the only thing that left his lips were a simple, "hi."

heejin was freaking out, she could tell. she knew that heejin was a big red bull fan too, always talking about how the team was dominating and they had the better car. she had heard all about it. but the little dutchboy she left all those years ago was standing in front of her and not-so little anymore and all those thoughts about her girlfriend was forgotten.

he looked the same, but grown and decked out in red bull merch. she wanted to laugh at how innocent he looked when he tapped her on the shoulder to get her to turn around, he looked stupid, stupidly cute.

all of those feelings from when she was back in belgium came back, she almost forgot what it felt like to be around max— her max. he looked like he was going to cry when he got a good look at her, that he finally realized that yes, it's her. the one that left him in belgium all those years ago.

and maybe she could cry too.

"maxie?" a familiar nickname slipped from her lips and she didn't get a response back, but a bear hug in return.

god, her scent. it was everything to him. he fucking missed it— miss her.

"i thought... i thought you forgot about me," max buried his face into the crook of her neck, she too wrapped her arms around max and buried her face into his chest. his voice was so vulnerable, all she wanted to do was curl around him and tell him that she would never.

she shook her head as she sank into the hug, "i could never forget my maxie," she mumbled into his chest, he held onto her tighter. he never wanted to let go, not now, not ever. she was where she was finally supposed to be, right in his arms.

once they got time alone after his race, max had stolen her away from her friend and dragged her into his driver's room, locking the door and pushing her against the wall, slamming his lips onto hers. he had been dreaming about this for so long, his lips on hers.

he didn't want to so sexual with her, no not yet. being in the small driver's room where they couldn't be free out of the public eye wasn't a good place. he just wanted to touch her, hold her, love her, make sure that she knew how much he had missed this.

missed them being together.

her hands instinctively went up to hold onto his shoulders, holding on for dear life as he kissed her softly. the feelings going through him were a mix of nostalgia, longing and love. he loved her for so long and it was so like her to show up when it mattered the most.

he won it for her today, to show her, that the little max she knew still had it in him to win and to impress her even with a world championship under his belt.

she felt the softness and the gentleness that max was touching her with, she knew how much he loved her. how much he care, how much he longed for her touch and she did too, only so much more.

she had so many questions in her, on why he never replied to the letters she sent or why he never sent any himself, not knowing what happened with her letters and why they never arrived properly.

but she didn't care at the moment, all she cared about was that she was safely in his arms, never to be let go ever again.

safe to say, her lips were to the point of bruising that night. max had forbade her to go back home, or to be away from his sight. he had kissed her silly, not wanting to let her go and there she was, settled nicely in his arms.

it's not like she wanted to go anywhere anyway.

the movie in the background was long forgotten, max's lips felt like they were molded for hers. he had waited for her for so long, waited to feel her skin after so long and this just felt right, it felt right when he was with her.

"maxie— mmhh— my love, stop," she had to talk in between kisses, max didn't want to let her go, his fingers were basically imprinted onto her waist. she was straddling max as he sat upright and kissed her, so softly. like she would break if he was any harder, even though he absolutely did want to kiss her harder.

max released her from the kiss with a pout, his pretty lips were red and swollen from all the kissing they did. everything in the world just seemed to fade into the background when they were together, like everyone else in this world was so insignificant for their time and they were the only people worthy of each other's time.

"but why? i wanna kiss you, i miss you. i have waited for you for ten years, the least you can do is let me kiss you until you're sick of me," max mumbled against her lips and all she could do was giggle.

god, her laugh, he loved it.

she shook her head and left a final peck on his lips, "because i want to talk maxie, we can't just kiss whatever questions we have for eachother away," she told him but he seemed to think otherwise, she had moved back to put a bit of distance in between them, to make sure max didn't go in to kiss her again.

"oh yes we can, i don't care about the questions, schatje. i just wanna be with you, just like old days, but now it's so different because in those ten years without you, i finally realized what i felt and how i felt for you and i can't wait any damn longer to finally kiss those pretty lips of yours, so please. just let me do this for another three hours and we can talk," max begged as he pulled her closer.

she couldn't imagine kissing for another three hours as they spent the last hour doing it, but with him? she would do it for another life-time if she could.

the both of them later had the serious talk when they were done kissing each other, now wanting answers from eachother. their legs were tangled and intertwined with each other's, not wanting to let go from their skin to skin contact.

"first off, why did you never reply to my letters? i wrote you so many. so many that i lost count, i would always write to you but you never replied, why?" max's voice came out strained, all of the painful feelings from the last ten years of his life were coming out, her doe eyes looked up from where she was, laying against his chest.

"you wrote me letters? i wrote you letters, you never replied. i thought you got too busy with your karting career to reply—"

"i could never get too busy to reply to you, but i never got any of your letters, schatje," max murmured against her forehead, kissing it gently after he spoke. she hummed a response before it dawned on her, she had always sent the letters to his father's address and she knew that his father wasn't fond of her, even offering her a huge lump sum of cash just for her to stay away from his son but she never accepted it, always choosing to be beside max, no matter what happened.

she looked up and sighed, she knew what happened now, she connected the pieces, "did you send your letters off to your dad?" she asked, and max nodded before it dawned on him too.

"that fucker hid the letters from you and never sent mine..."

she could only nod sadly, but it didn't matter now. all that mattered was that they were reconnected now.

scattered around them were the countless of letters max had written to her and all of the letters from her that he never received, the years of pining, longing— all of them tucked neatly away into these little envelopes that held all of those unsaid feelings.

a soft sigh escapes her lips, she looked at all of them, there were hundreds maybe. all of them posted to where she stayed in korea but never sent, always kept in a big box where all of his letters were and hers were stuffed in there in a similar fashion.

her heart clenched when she saw how many there were, there were far more many than whatever she sent, even though she did send quite a big sum.

when max had found out, he stormed into jos' house and demanded to ask why he never sent out the letters that he wrote and a big fight broke out, she had to hold of max from physically harming his own father. then they left after given the big box filled with letters.

"there's so many..." she watched in awe as all of them were sorted by date, from the latest to the earliest, max looked up at her with those big blue icy eyes of his, he looked really sad. stuck in his feelings almost, not understand why his father would do whatever he did in the past.

max held her hand gently, pulling her into his embrace, "i have always loved you, even when i was a little kid. i just didn't understand what those feelings were, i just acted on how i felt and being away from you... i just couldn't. so i sent you my love in the form of these letters."

she left a lingering kiss on his cheek, she felt sorry for having to leave all those years ago. she should've fought, should've stood her ground on how much she wanted to stay but she was just a 16 year old kid who didn't know how to, "i know. i'm sorry i had to leave all those years ago."

"don't apologize, schatje. i have never blamed you for leaving me. i have always held love for you in my heart, even if you didn't know it."

"i always knew max, and i still do."

very willing to do a part 2 to this btw, will only do it when requested tho. not proofread, excuse grammar mistakes.

[sapphicstrawcore]

ᰔ Arcane Modern au: 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚜

—Sevika, pt2

Loser sevika!au part 2 coming soon! Maybe I’ll even… write… a fic…? And not only Headcanons…? Who knows…?

I feel like this one’s a bit longer than the first one, but maybe I’m just hallucinating. Anyway, enjoy 🫶🏻

pt one, pt two

masterlist ᰔ

She hates vapes. Sticks to hard-ass, stinky no-filter cigarettes like she’s 60 and been through three divorces. Marlboro Reds. Maybe unfiltered Lucky Strikes. She’d rather die than hit a pink grape vape. She’s like “put that USB shit away from me”.

If you tell her it’s bad for her health and she can die she just says “yeah but at least I’m not dying like a clown”.

She doesn’t have a bag. She refuses to have a bag. Her idea of “organization” is shoving everything into her pockets like a raccoon. Her wallet’s half unzipped. Her phone screen’s cracked from her keys scratching it. When you offer her a pouch once she’s heavily offended and doesn’t take it.

But when you go out together ?? You’re her vessel. “Hold this for a sec,” she says, dropping her entire life into your bag without waiting for an answer.

“You still got my ID in there, babe?” Like yeah, -unfortunately-, your bag with HER stuff inside is your responsibility.

What is yours is hers and what is hers is yours in your relationship, so she always reaches into your bag like it’s hers. Doesn’t even ask. Just digs around with those big scarred fingers like “Where’s my gum?” and pulls out the most random thing you forgot you even had in there, like a cute miffy keychain or a hello kitty plushie. Not what she was looking for.

She’s so bad at texting she looks like she’s abt to break up with you at every message. She’s dry as hell— All her texts are either one-word responses, her max is five or just “k.” But she does show up 30 minutes later with food, painkillers, and your favorite candy.

She doesn’t understand why you get anxious over her texts until you text her like she does one day and she freaks out bc she doesn’t why you stopped yapping every 30 seconds with emojis and capital letters.

She DOES have social media, instagram mostly cause she realized it had its benefits: stalking you. Shamelessly. I mean “stalking” is a too dramatic word for her. You’re her partner and your acc is public, come on.

What she doesn’t tell you is that she actually made her acc before you even got together.

Actually even before you became friends in the first place. She wanted to know you before—

Her acc is private and she doesn’t want to do anything with it at first but she ends up with a few blurred and strangely aesthetic pics and when she change her pfp with her side profile she’s confused by the girls asking to follow her acc.

She’s not trying to be a red flag—she just kinda is, passively, by default. She thinks she’s just existing normally but you have to tell her sometimes smth like “okay, be normal, you’re scaring people rn.”

Like she’s just standing at a gas station at 2AM waiting for you, arms crossed, cigarette in mouth, looking like she’s about to kill someone but in her head she’s just vibing! You try to explain it to her and she’s like “The fuck? I was just waiting for you. Literally just breathing.”

She’s not emotionally unavailable on purpose—she just didn’t grow up around people who put their feelings into words so it’s difficult but she tries.

That’s all for todayyyy I don’t really know how to feel about this one, maybe it’s bc I spent too much time writing it, so I feel confused abt if it’s a good one or not, but anyway, I did it and it’s not so bad so it’s fine

⋆. 𐙚 ˚

since you asked me to tag you in the next one, @lonerslug 🫶🏻

[tavolgisvist]

‘I’ve had enough’

I’d been keeping largely quiet about John and The Beatles split-up in the press. I didn’t really have many accusations to fling, but being John, he was flinging quite a few in interviews [with Jann Wenner for Rolling Stone]. <…> John would say things like, ‘It was rubbish. The Beatles were crap.’ Also, ‘I don’t believe in The Beatles, I don’t believe in Jesus, I don’t believe in God’ [Plastic Ono Band album]. Those were quite hurtful barbs to be flinging around, and I was the person they were being flung at, and it hurt. So, I’m having to read all this stuff, and on the one hand I’m thinking, ‘Oh fuck off, you fucking idiot,’ but on the other hand I’m thinking, ‘Why would you say that? Are you annoyed at me or are you jealous or what?’ <…> I was sort of answering him here [Dear Friend], asking, ‘Does it need to be this hurtful?’ I think this is a good line: ‘Are you afraid, or is it true?’ meaning, ‘Why is this argument going on? Is it because you’re afraid of something? Are you afraid of the split-up? Are you afraid of my doing something without you? Are you afraid of the consequences of your actions?’ And the little rhyme, ‘Or is it true?’ Are all these hurtful allegations true? This song came out in that kind of mood. It could have been called ‘What the Fuck, Man?’ but I’m not sure we could have gotten away with that then.

(Paul McCartney, The Lyrics: 1956 to the Present)

“When I slagged off the Beatle thing in the papers, it was like divorce pangs, and me being me it was blast this and fuck that, and it was just like the old days in the Melody Maker, you know, ‘Lennon Blasts Hollies’ on the back page. You know, I’ve always had a bit of a mouth and I’ve got to live up to it. Daily Mirror: ‘Lennon beats up local DJ at Paul’s 21st birthday party’. <…> “So y’see, all that happened when I blew my mouth off was that it was an abscess bursting, except that mine as usual burst in public. <…> …the trouble is people just wanted bigmouth Lennon to shout about the lows. So I made a quick trip to uncover the hidden stones of my mind, and a lot of the bats flew and some of them are going to have to stay. I’ve got perspective now, that’s a fact.

(John Lennon, interview with Ray Coleman for Melody Maker: Lennon – a night in the life, September 14th, 1974)

John actually had Allen Klein and Yoko in the room, suggesting lyrics during writing sessions. In his song ‘How Do You Sleep?’ the line ‘The only thing you done was yesterday’ was apparently Allen Klein’s suggestion, and John said, ‘Hey, great. Put that in.’ I can see the laughs they had doing it, and I had to work very hard not to take it too seriously, but at the back of my mind I was thinking, ‘Wait a minute, All I ever did was “Yesterday”? I suppose that’s a funny pun, but all I ever did was “Yesterday”, “Let It Be”, “The Long and Winding Road”, “Eleanor Rigby”, “Lady Madonna”, . . . – fuck you, John.’

(Paul McCartney, The Lyrics: 1956 to the Present)

['How Do You Sleep']’s not serious. Like, if Paul was really, really hurt by it, I’ll soo– I’ll know by the vibes, come round. Even if he doesn’t call, well, I’ll explain it to him. I’ll even write to him, you know. If he really really thinks it’s – thinks it’s really really serious. 

(John Lennon,September 9th, 1971, interview with Howard Smith)

Then we had that fight Paul and me had through the Melody Maker, but it was a period I had to go through.

(John Lennon, interview with Ray Coleman for Melody Maker: Lennon – a night in the life, September 14th, 1974)

As it happened, I was in New York that day [30 January 1972], having met with John the day before. It was a meeting at which we more or less agreed to stop sniping at each other.

(Paul McCartney, The Lyrics: 1956 to the Present)

On January 19, 1975 John Lennon in a letter to Derek Taylor: BOWIES CUTTIN “UNIVERSE” (LET IT BEATLE). AM A GONNA BE THERE (BY REQUEST OF COURSET). THEN POSSIBLEY DOWN TO NEW ORLEONS TO SEE THE McCARTKNEES.

(Derek Taylor, Fifty Years Adrift (Genesis Publications, Guildford, 1984) in in The McCartney Legacy: Volume 2: 1974-1980 by Allan Kozinn and Adrian Sinclair, 2024)

Mardi Gras season was due to begin on Monday, February 10, with the main parade sweeping through town on “Fat Tuesday” itself—the date John and May had targeted for their visit to New Orleans. Sehorn and Toussaint warned Paul that the studio would be inaccessible during the peak of the festivities, and said they were considering closing Sea-Saint completely for the week starting February 10. Wings now had the perfect excuse to put the sessions on hold and throw themselves into the celebratory atmosphere. But Paul’s hope of sharing that celebration with John were dashed during the overdubbing sessions on February 6, when John phoned Sea Saint and the receptionist patched his call through to the control room. “The separation didn’t work out,” Lennon joked, telling Paul that he had moved back to the Dakota on February 3—just as Paul was recording ‘Call Me Back Again,’ the song he started just after reconnecting with John in Los Angeles [March-April 1974]—and that he and Yoko were hoping to work things out.

(The McCartney Legacy: Volume 2: 1974-1980 by Allan Kozinn and Adrian Sinclair, 2024)

‘I was going down to New Orleans to help out on Paul’s last album Venus and Mars, but I was too busy being happy at the time. If you’re reading this, Paul, I’m sorry I couldn’t make it…’

[…] And then, of course, there’s Yoko. ‘We are back together now. and happier than over before. It’s the old, old story—when you get someone back that you’ve lost it’s better than ever.’ It was the reconciliation which so involved John that he couldn’t tear himself away to work with McCartney in New Orleans.”

(John Lennon, 1975, interview with Penny Grant for Game: Enjoying the big apple)

Paul leaves to take a telephone call.

LINDA: I was just going to say that I think if John had lived, he might still be saying, “OH, I’m much happier now….” <…> PLAYBOY: But wasn’t it clear that John wanted only to work with Yoko? LINDA: No. I know that Paul was desperate to write with John again. And I know John was desperate to write . . . desperate. People thought, Well, he’s taking care of Sean, he’s a househusband and all that, but he wasn’t happy. He couldn’t write and it drove him crazy. And Paul could have helped him–easily.

(Paul and Linda McCartney, Dec.1984, interview with Joan Goodman for Playboy, 1984)

PLAYBOY: "Aside from the millions you've been offered for a reunion concert, how did you feel about producer Lorne Michaels' generous offer of $3200 for appearing together on 'Saturday Night Live'..?" LENNON: "Oh, yeah. Paul and I were together watching that show [April 26, 1976]. He was visiting us at our place in the Dakota. We were watching it and almost went down to the studio, just as a gag. We nearly got into a cab, but we were actually too tired." PLAYBOY: "How did you and Paul happen to be watching TV together?" LENNON: "That was a period when Paul just kept turning up at our door with a guitar. <…> …he and Linda walked in and he and I were just sitting there, watching the show, and we went, 'Ha-ha, wouldn't it be funny if we went down?' but we didn't."

(John Lennon, 1980, interview with David Sheff for Playboy)

Paul recounts the SNL story a few months after it happened

(audio)

Backstage after the first show [May 24, 1976] McCartney phoned his old songwriting partner at the Dakota. Paul had expected John not to attend, but hoped that he might*. He would miss the second show [May 25] too, because he and Yoko were flying to Los Angeles that day. “They said they were glad the show went well. And we left it at that,” Paul reported. John did, however, request a pair of tickets to the second show for Sean’s babysitter.

(The McCartney Legacy: Volume 2: 1974-1980 by Allan Kozinn and Adrian Sinclair, 2024)

*Why it was so important (and John knew it)

During their trip [27-30 April 1977] the McCartneys were also hoping for a springtime reunion with John and Yoko and paid a surprise visit to the Dakota. But their timing was terrible: John and Yoko were busily preparing for an upcoming trip to Japan while also dealing with Sean as he approached the Terrible Twos. The McCartneys did not make it past the front door of Apartment 72.

(The McCartney Legacy: Volume 2: 1974-1980 by Allan Kozinn and Adrian Sinclair, 2024)

It's ten years since I really communicated with him. I know as much about him as he does about me, which is zilch. About two years ago, he turned up at the door. I said, 'Look, do you mind ringin' first? I've just had a hard day with the baby. I'm worn out and you're walkin' in with a damn guitar!"

(John Lennon, The September 29th 1980 issue of Newsweek)

LENNON: "That was a period when Paul just kept turning up at our door with a guitar. I would let him in, but finally I said to him, 'Please call before you come over. It's not 1956 and turning up at the door isn't the same anymore. You know, just give me a ring.' He was upset by that, but I didn't mean it badly. I just meant that I was taking care of a baby all day and some guy turns up at the door… PLAYBOY: "Was that the last time you saw Paul?" LENNON: "Yes, but I didn't mean it like that."

(John Lennon, 1980, interview with David Sheff for Playboy)

PAUL: When Sean (John and Yoko's son) was first born, I visited him a few times at the Dakota (Lennon's apartment house in New York). And then it had gone snotty. I used to turn up without calling him. One time, he got annoyed with me. He said, 'Well, look, man… Why do you just keep turning up here and surprise us? Why don't you just call first?' And I took that the wrong way. After that, I don't think I did see him.

(Paul McCartney, spring of 1982, interview with Jim Miller for Newsweek)

That came about when I was just sitting around in the studio one day [May 5, 1977], doing rock ‘n’ roll kind of chords, just very simple bluesy kind of chords. And I just had the chorus. And the rest of it I used to just mumble. So we did it on the boat with me mumbling the vocal track and just shouting ‘I’ve had enough’ when it comes to the chorus. And I wrote some words to it and again we finished that off in London.

(Paul McCartney BBC Radio 1, 1978)

PLAYBOY: In most of his interviews, John said he never missed the Beatles. Did you believe him? PAUL: I don’t know. My theory is that he didn’t. Someone like John would want to end the Beatle period and start the Yoko period. And he wouldn’t like either to interfere with the other. As he was with Yoko, anything about the Beatles tended inevitably to be an intrusion. So I think he was interested enough in his new life to genuinely not miss us.

(Paul McCartney, Dec.1984, interview with Joan Goodman for Playboy, 1984)

Buchan [Alasdair Buchan of the Daily Mirror] pressed McCartney on John Lennon’s recent assertion that he had made his contribution to society and did not plan to work again. “He’s full of wind, isn’t he?” McCartney scoffed. “Maybe he isn’t going to work anymore, but it’s no skin off my nose. It’s really up to John. I’ve heard him talk like that before. . . . I think he must be very bored now.” [November 1977]

(Demos to roll off the Lennon production line during this period included ‘Real Love,’ ‘Now and Then,’ ‘Free as a Bird,’ ‘What Ever Happened To?’ and ‘She Is a Friend of Dorothy’s.’)

(The McCartney Legacy: Volume 2: 1974-1980 by Allan Kozinn and Adrian Sinclair, 2024)

PLAYBOY: "You say you haven't listened to Paul's work and haven't really talked to him since that night in your apartment…" LENNON: "Really talked to him, no, that's the operative word. I haven't really talked to him in ten years. Because I haven't spent time with him. I've been doing other things and so has he. You know, he's got 25 kids and about 20,000,000 records out. How can he spend time talking? He's always working."

(John Lennon, 1980, interview with David Sheff for Playboy)

PLAYBOY: But in the last ten years you’ve never wondered if it might not come as easily, as naturally again as it once did? LENNON: …I thought, maybe that’s it. Maybe music’s over. I mean, I was preparing not to make any music again…

(John Lennon, Sept. 1980, in All We Are Saying by David Sheff)

…If I had known John was going to die I would not have been as stand-offish as I was. You know how people are in relationships. If someone tells you to piss off you say well piss off yourself then. You don’t realise that there may be pain and it’s very hard to say Jesus’s thing. You know – turning the other cheek. “OK, you can tell me to piss off but I still think you’re great”. If I knew John was going to die I would have made a lot more effort to try and get behind his mask and try and get a better relationship with him. As it was I think I did have a pretty good relationship with him but when he started slagging me off I was not prepared to say “well you’re quite right” because I’m human. <…> I just turned round and said piss off. Had I known it was going to be that final – that quick – I would not have said that. <…> That’s my regret really where I now see what I could have said, listen and put my arm round him…

(Paul McCartney, 1983, interview with Neil Tilly for fanzine BREAKOUT! (Issue 15) Aug/Sept 1983)

[hisirishsoufflegirl]

Tea Is A Love Language ~ A.H x Reader

A/N (wow I haven’t wrote that in years): Hi! I’m back (says them to people who did not even realise they stopped writing lmao). There’s been an Aaron Hotchner x You slow burn fic brainstorming away whenever I’ve been rewatching Criminal Minds for the past few years so I thought I’d make a comeback to write a sample entry (that takes place a bit into the actual fic) to see what everyone thinks, aha.

CW/Context: Aaron and Hayley are divorcing/there’s no Emily(sorry!)/Aaron being grumpy but then surprisingly sweet/Reid and reader are best friends/Morgan and reader are very close due a traumatic past/Aaron gave a private lil sweet pep talk to reader when they got overwhelmed after the college campus murders/the timeline is a bit jumbled but it’ll be easier to follow/explained in full fic/in canon mentions of violence/I’m rusty at this, forgive me

-

A sigh. Then a smacking sound as the paper contents of a file hit the desk.

“Who’s up for a drink?” Morgan stood up. Eyebrows raising as if a lightbulb flashed atop his head, he turned. “Actually.. who’s up for five?”

The man didn’t need to ask you twice. Nights out drinking with Morgan were always the safest. Sure, they were wild and chaotic.. but you always knew you would get home and you always knew you’d never wake up the next morning fearing you did something you regret. It was funny. One of the men who inspired you to join the Academy and pursue this as a career was not only now a colleague but a friend. A close friend at that. Your letters containing updates on your life since that awful period of your life when you were 18 were more for Gideon’s sake. Though that didn’t mean Derek never checked up on you throughout the years that led to you surprising the agent the day it was announced a new member was joining the team and in you walked into the table meeting.

“I don’t know..” your best friend trailed off, his focus on fixing the contents of his brown satchel.

You got up from your desk, the one attached to Spencer’s, shouldering your own bag. “Nuh-uh, Spence. You’re coming.” You looked up at him, trying your hardest to use your eyes to silently beg to coax him out.

It worked. It always worked. Reid hated nights out, especially Morgan’s definition of a night out, but you knew you made it tolerable for him. Many a night of drinking you sat with the doctor, letting him ramble off about statistics or Star Trek and often debating the one topic you yourself did know about - Doctor Who. You didn’t know why some of the others treated listening to his interests and rambles as almost a chore. You had always found them interesting and besides, how could someone not take an interest in what their best friend cared about?

“.. you’re still cosplaying at comic con with me, right?” Spencer’s eyes narrowed at you.

“Of course.”

“Alright, I’m in.”

You mouthed a “thank you” at him, your hand coming up to touch his elbow as a comfort as you both walked to join Morgan and Rossi heading towards the door.

“JJ?”

“Ugh, I’d love to but.. gonna have to take a rain check.” the blonde woman grimaced, picking up her share of files.

You felt someone brush past you as they hurried towards the glass door of the bullpen. You turned your head, realisation hitting you that it was your Unit Chief. You hadn’t properly spoken one on one to the man ever since the day the team was about to leave Flagstaff, Arizona. There had been a spree killer on a college campus, murdering women who were very similar in age to you and it brought back some painful memories. Painful memories as well as a feeling of guilt that you had survived your own attack and had went on to go and finish college. A privilege that those victims never got to make a reality. You had stepped away for a moment to compose yourself back at the hotel while the other agents were packing to go home when Hotch had appeared beside you. You had been sure you were to be scolded for being too soft or for your exterior slipping, a worry that was all too evident as you had tried to quickly wipe your tear away and swallow the ache in the back of your throat. But no. He had been kind. Really kind. The conversation had not been long, nor did the comforting hand on your arm to gesture you back to the hotel to leave linger, but it had helped.

“Hotch, you up for a beer?” the Italian man extended the invitation to his friend.

Hotch stopped in his tracks, his eyes flickering to the side as he pondered his answer. He decided with a sigh. “Sure.” He turned and you offered an awkward smile when his eyes settled on you.

“Agent Hotchner.” came the suited man with a clipboard and envelope into the room through the glass doors.

Breathing in, Hotch’s eyes looked away from you as he turned. “Yes?”

The man presented him with the clipboard and a pen to sign for the brown envelope.

Hotch’s eyes shifted down to it and his body stiffened slightly with a sharp intake of breath.

You had never seen Hotch display a crack in his exterior like that before. I wonder what’s in that envelope. You thought.

Breaking the silence, you sucked your lower lip in - a tell, you had been told by one of your profiler buddies, that you felt awkward and anxious. “What is it?”

Your boss stared down at the envelope, his fingers subconsciously kneading the paper. That’s one of *his* tells, you surmised, whatever it is it’s bothering him.

He finally glanced up at you through dark eyelashes, a look of defeat in those dark eyes. “Hayley’s filing for divorce. I’ve been served.”

Fuck. Fuck. You fucked up.

You watched as Hotchner took a final look at the contents in his hands before walking away, no longer feeling up to a fun and happy night.

~

“McCoy Boy! How was Connecticut?” You greeted Spencer as you, Morgan, JJ and Rossi piled back into the bullpen. You dropped your bag onto your chair and circled round to the opposite side of the desk to throw your arms loosely round the genius’ neck and shoulders. You never took advantage of the privilege of being the only one Reid allowed to casually touch him like this but now didn’t count. You had missed him. While you were in Indianapolis helping Rossi catch the monster that haunted him and three siblings, your best friend and your Unit Chief were in Connecticut interviewing a death row inmate.

Spencer rested his hand on one of your arms as you squeezed him, propping his book down on his desk. “Ultimately uneventful.”

You shifted your head from the top of Reid’s curly mop to his temple. “Fill me in anyway.”

Spence chuckled before turning his gaze at Rossi. “Uh sir, there’s someone waiting to speak to you in your office.”

You pulled back to crane your neck behind you. Sure enough, Kevin Lynch stood in the doorway to the office at the end of the walkway.

You focused on JJ’s face as Kevin talked, a face barely containing her smile and giddiness. Your eyebrows furrowed confused and as Rossi walked past to talk ‘man-to-man’ with the tech analyst, you mouthed ‘what??’ to the blonde.

JJ raised her eyebrows suggestively at you as she swivelled to walk away. “Garcia and Kevin sittin’ in a tree..”

Morgan’s mouth dropped open. “Get out of here.”

“Wait, what? What?” the brown eyed genius piped up, confusion and anxiety about missing a clue seeping in his voice.

“Didn’t you hear the song, love?” You asked your friend, your left arm still leaning on the back of his office chair for standing support.

“The song meant something? No, I missed it!” Reid grew frantic. Adorable.

“Yeah, it..” you trailed off as your eyes looked around the room as you looked up. They landed on the dark haired man in his pristine suit, shoulders tense as he hunched over his desk, one hand resting on his forehead.

He looks so stressed.

You sucked in your lower lip. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.” You ruffled the top layer of Spencer’s brown curls. “I’ll explain it later.”

You moved your duffel bag onto the floor underneath your desk and settled in your chair. Every instinct in you was screaming to check in on your boss. That’s just the type of person you were and your instincts never did you wrong. You had gone on gut instinct when you asked Spencer what was causing him to struggle which eventually led to him going to rehab. You had listened to your instinct when it told you to gather up Morgan and JJ to join Rossi in Indianapolis a few days ago. But this was Hotch. This was your boss. You had never seen the man crack a smile let alone open up about his feelings.

Leaning your chin on your hand, your head twisted to look at the environment behind your desk. Looking behind you had become a habit since you were a teenager, even when your body knew it was in a safe environment such as the bullpen. But old habits die hard and listen, it was a habit that kept you alive in the field. Funny that. You’d think someone with that self preservation habit would run away from situations that posed a threat, not run to them. And certainly not make a career out of solving them.

Your eyes landed on the coffee machine set up and kettle sat on the communal kitchen countertop.

Hmm. Too late for coffee. You hummed. Hold on..

You swung your legs out from under your desk, pushing yourself up and away from your desk and headed towards the communal kitchen. The plethora of jars containing coffee grounds - the jar with the brown and gold label was Reid’s only go to - and sugar - the plastic tub of aspartame was JJ’s - littered the counter. But you weren’t looking for the coffee. Stretching up on your tiptoes, you opened up each cupboard. You searched the top two before bending down to view the contents of the bottom ones.

A-ha! Found you. You took out the green box praying it wasn’t empty and silently thanked God when it wasn’t. Plopping one of the tea bags into the clean ecru mug you found, you filled the kettle in the sink and flicked on the switch.

As the water boiled, you dared to glance to your right at Hotch’s office. You didn’t think it was possible but the man looked even more stressed. The noise of the kettle turning off drew your attention and you poured the hot liquid into the mug, pressing the teabag to the sides of the mug with the spoon before scooping it up and binning it in the pedal bin. Stealing the last of the semi skimmed milk from the fridge, you trickled some of it into the tea before stirring. Dropping the spoon into the sink promising to clean it in a few minutes, you grasped the handle of the cup and headed towards the steps to the walkway.

Your feet reached the closed door to the office and your knuckles rapped against the wood.

“Come in.” He sounds tired.

Careful not to spill the tea, you pushed the handle of the door down and the door opened. Hotch glanced up. Twice. Once out of habit. The other a double take. His head left his hand and he placed his pen down on the case files in front of him. You could tell he was trying to figure out what you were doing in his office, it was obvious in his eyes. For a man so expressionless, his eyes were always so expressive.

You realised you had been staring at him for probably a bit too long and shifted your eyes down to the mug in your right hand, your other hand clasping round it for the excuse of holding something as a distraction. You lightly tapped your ring against the porcelain as you tried to word your sentence in your head before your mouth could get you into trouble. The action had Hotch’s gaze look down at your hands, something you noticed he did often. You had a habit of fiddling with one of your rings when you wanted to say something but were deciding if you should or not. It usually ended in Hotch noticing and asking you your opinion on the topic at hand.

You took a breath in. “Sir, if I had known.. I wouldn’t have asked about the envelope in front of everyone.“

“Y/L/N-“ Hotch sat upright in his chair.

“Anyway, I uh, I’m not going to ask you to talk about it.” You reassured him, cutting him off. Still looking at the mug in your hands, you continued. “I just want you to know that you’re not alone in this. I, the team, will support you in any way we can.”

You could feel your heart speeding in your chest, you were sure your boss could even hear the thumping. You risked looking up. The usually stoic man’s gaze softened, his forehead smoothing out. Maybe Hotch wasn’t so scary all the time.

“My mother always liked to show it with tea,” You remembered the mug in your hands. Probably should explain that, yeah. “And it’s what I know so.. uhm..” You shuffled forward closer to his desk and settled the cup on top of the dark wood. Stepping back, your hands went to the back of your trouser legs.

Hotch stared at you, his expression not giving anything away. “You didn’t have to.”

You cocked your head to the side. “Think of it as repaying the favour.”

You watched as those big dark eyes softened, gaze switching to the mug now sat on his desk. Giving an tight lipped smile, you nodded awkwardly and turned to leave. You didn’t wanna overstay your welcome. As your hand reached for the door, your name being called stopped you in your tracks. Not your last name. Your name.

“Y/N?”

You turned, surprised at the switch from your surname to your first name. Hotch called everyone by their surnames, even Rossi sometimes. “Yeah?”

“Thank you.” He meant that. Sincerely.

You tried to stop the smile etching its way onto your face. You felt bold. “Don’t mention it.. Aaron.”

Hotch - Aaron cracked a small smile. A tiny quirk of his lips. You nodded at each other, your hand closing the door behind you as you left the office.

Taking the steps down to your desk, you didn’t see Hotch bring the mug to his lips, taking a swig. His eyebrows raised in approval. Another swig. Leaning back in his chair, he inhaled, looking to his left to watch the bullpen out of his office window. He spotted you carrying case files back to your desk, engrossed in conversation with Reid.

He sighed, his attention turning back to his desk, pausing before opening the drawer next to him. His fingers hovered over a brown envelope, picking it up and sliding the contents of it out in front of him. Taking a breath and another swig of tea, Hotch picked back up his pen and signed his name on the dotted line.

[bananadramaaa]

hi banana!! i lovee your art and story-telling, and I'm so curious to learn more about Alastor's youngest sister, Bertilda. what's her personality like? what's her story after she leaves with Leonore, and how would you describe her relationship w/ Alastor in her older years (teen-young adult)?

Hi! Thank you so much💜 (it's gonna be a long post with some sensitive topics, so be careful)

Bertilda was a quiet and nervous kid. She got her dad's personality, in a way.

Their mother died when she was 6. Their dad was found dead 5 years later. She was 11. One tragedy after another left its mark on her. Especially as the youngest, she struggled to comprehend the underlying causes of their father's breakdowns, for example. Everyone was leaving. First their mother, then their oldest sister (who promised that she would return for them as soon as she found a well-paying job, but that never happened). Then Alastor began to leave home more often, disappearing to work part-time jobs, and Bertilda and Leo were left alone with their father, whose condition had deteriorated significantly after his wife's death.

Thoughts of leaving crossed older kids' minds more often. In the end, Alastor was able to place his younger sisters as apprentices of a kind lady who was a seamstress in the neighborhood. Bertilda didn't understand that choice. She didn't understand why they would leave their poor father all alone. He never left their ill mother, staying near her bed till the end, so why do they need to leave when he's not feeling well? She didn't like that lady, who was trying really hard to make them like her. Especially, she didn't like when that lady told her and Leo that they could call her 'mama'. Alastor tried to explain to the little girl the reason behind the decision to leave, but Bertilda couldn't grasp the idea. All she could think of was that they left their father behind. All alone. In an empty house. And again, 5 years later, they found out about their father's death from their close neighbour. The picture of a lifeless body of their father hanging from the ceiling stayed in Bertilda's mind till the end.

Some time later, Leonore found herself a suitor. They got married and had their first child. Bertilda continued to live with her sister and her family. She was 15 or 16 at the time. She worked part-time at a small café not far from home. Despite the lively household and regular contact with her brother, Bertilda couldn't shake the feeling of abandonment (and she was still hurt and even angry at her siblings for their decision to leave). She often stayed late after work and simply wandered through the streets. Problems with substances began as the tension between her and Leonore. Alastor began to write less and less.

After some time, Leo's husband found Bertilda a possible suitor. At first, everything was going well. She liked the guy, and he seemed to like her too. Her newfound love, if you can call it that, even motivated her to get out of her drug addiction. At 19 she got married and moved into a small house with her husband. But after just a couple of months of married life, problems began. Frequent arguments, shouting, and broken dishes. Feelings of guilt, abandonment, and hurt came to the surface again. Bad habits returned. Despite all this, her husband refused to agree to an official divorce because he didn't want to be judged by society. Bertilda returned to live with Leo and her family. She wasn't getting any better. She no longer understood why she was here. Alastor had stopped writing to Leo for at least a year, as it turned out, and her letters seemed to be failing to reach their intended recipient. The situation was exacerbated by a newspaper report where the girls recognised their brother as a serial killer. The young woman couldn't take it anymore and hanged herself.

[milkbobatyun]

breaking point

pairing: reo mikage x reader

genre: angstober, events

summary: sticks and stones may not break your bones, but his family's constant snide comments and degrading remarks were chipping away at your resolve.

word count: 922

a/n: i love when family trauma is able to finally play its part and allow me to write a decent fic and give me ideas LMAO

with a sigh, you unlocked the door, one hand cradling the stack of legal files before taking off your shoes at the doorway and relishing in the quiet of the penthouse. next to your shoes sat a pair of male dress shoes. it seems that reo had arrived home early.

with a crisp clatter, you dropped your keys on the shelf, padding into your study down the hall and releasing the heavy stack of files onto your desk. leaning against your arms, you planted yourself against the table, taking in a steadying breath.

steeling your resolve, you slipped the letter from the top of the pile into your bag.

walking into the kitchen, you found reo, sitting at the high kitchen island, scrolling through his phone.

wordlessly, you slid the letter across the marble surface, watching as reo’s attention shifted from the phone to the letter, before his piercing gaze turned to you.

“what is the meaning of this?” reo asked, turning the letter to you. the words glared back at you, clear as day.

divorce papers.

you sighed, defeat flooding through your body.

“i have nothing else to tell you.” you muttered, head turned away. you couldn’t meet his eyes, otherwise your tears would flow. “i’m tired of this marriage, of everything.”

loud silence filled the room, its tension so thick a butter knife could cut it. you raised your eyes, watching as confusion, hurt and despair chased across reo’s face, before it settled into a mask of mocking disbelief.

“why?” he whispered, voice wavering, anguish colouring his tone.

your heart clenched, the brave face that you tried so hard to maintain crumbled, words tumbling out of your mouth before you could stop them.

“you don’t understand, reo,” you began, tone thick with guilt and exhaustion. “ever since i married you, into your family, they have placed enormous burden on me. did you even know, that they were pressuring to resign from my job as a lawyer, to bear the son that they so desperately want, just so he can inherit the company in the future? time and time again, they paint me as the villainess. they say that i’m the one controlling you, controlling your freedom!”

your voice rose at the end, breaking through the tranquility of the penthouse.

“i...i didn’t know,” he muttered feebily, voice barely audible. but you could see, in his stance, there was defensiveness, a reluctance to believe that his family had made such demands. “why didn’t you tell me?”

your laughter was a bitter echo in the spacious kitchen.

“how could i tell you that your parents were doing something so scandalous, something that would ruin your family’s pristine, picture perfect image?”

reo broke the eye contact, guilt flashing across his face before defensiveness quickly overtook it. “maybe there’s some other way, some way to fix everything.”

your shoulders slumped, exhaustion weighing down every word as you stared at him.

“you say that now, but you weren’t the one they interrogated, asking me when we would plan on having a son, enduring the snide remarks about marrying into the family for the money and power.”

you paused, taking in a steadying breath. “you would think that grown adults know when the right time to ask such questions would be, but clearly your parents didn’t, since they decided to ask at your five-year old daughter’s birthday party.”

reo opened his mouth to respond, to retort or make an excuse on his family’s behalf, but no sound could escape. you were right, he remembered when he heard snippets of family dinner conversations, how uncomfortable you had looked. silence fills the room, as the weight of realisation settles between the two of you.

“is there no other way?” he whispers, voice raw and strained.

you looked away, your soft heart aching at the plea in his voice. before you can respond, you hear a small quiet voice call out for you.

“mama?” a quiet voice whimpered from the doorway. “are you and papa fighting again?” your daughter stood, clad in her pjs, one small hand clutching her little rabbit plush by the ear, the other blearily rubbing at her eyes.

reo lifted his head up, face contorting into a mask, pretending that everything was ok.

“hello love,” he cooed, voice gentle, the tension in the room dissipating. “no, we’re just talking…about grown-up stuff.”

your daughter took a step forward, bottom lip quivering.

“but you were yelling,” her face scrunched with concern. “mama was crying.” her eyes turned glassy with unshed tears, a pout forming.

you try to hold back the sting of tears as you scooped her into a tight hug, forcing a smile.

“oh my darling, i’m fine,” you assured her. “we’re trying to figure some things out.”

releasing her from your hold, you place your hands on her shoulders, as her head swivels between the two of you, far from convinced, but she slowly nodded her head.

“you’ll be ok, right?” she whispered, as though to assure herself. “we’ll be a happy family!” the innocence in her words twisted the guilty knife in your heart. you couldn’t bear to shatter your daughter’s dreams over the snide comments of reo’s family.

“yes,” reo’s voice was thick and husky with emotion. “we’ll be one happy family!” he echoed, flashing her a soft smile.

the promise lingered in the room, filling the loud silence. for her sake, you would try to keep that promise, but the pressure and hurt his family inflicted on you would never heal over.

taglist (open): @leehanscorydora, @pastelmitzuki

∧,,,∧ ( ̳• · • ̳)  © curated with love by milkbobatyun 2024 / づ ♡

[eleganzadellarosa]

That’s Unconditional (Part 1)

pairing: jaehyun x fem!reader

genre: fluff, angst, best friends to…something

warnings: reader is a bit of a dumbass (you might just get pissed off, so my bad in advance), heavy usage of Y/N (please don’t be cringed out), mentions/ hints of coercion, underage drinking, slightly suggestive.

words count: 9.1K

A/N: Whew, here's another long one y'all. This has been sitting in my drafts for months (basically since the MV was released) and finally had enough energy to finish it. I'm honestly looking forward to everyone reading it because this was a random idea that popped in my head and of course I come here to write said thoughts out. So as always, enjoy and thanks for reading :)

*static*

March 9th 1-9-

“Jaehyun, Y/N! Oh my gosh, do you think they’ll do it again?…c’mon sweetie you got it!” *distortion* “Come to mommy!”

*static*

“Ugh mom, do we have to watch this one every birthday?” Jaehyun asked adjusting the too small pointy hat on his head.

Jaehyun was your best friend since birth. Your moms had you on the same day just two hours apart from each other and he never misses the opportunity to joke that he’s older. You’ve done everything together from eating, sleeping, going to the same schools and as a birthday tradition you get to watch the day you both took your first steps. It was said that you only started walking because of him since you seemed too scared to do it on your own. He was there when your dad died and you were there when his mom got divorced. There’s not a day you can remember where Jaehyun wasn’t in it. Just goes to show how close your moms are too.

“Oh stop it! Both of you hurry and make a wish so I can take this picture!”

If it wasn’t your mom, it was his making you two snap a picture to go in the big “J + Y/N” album that was kept on the top row of your bookshelf in the living room. You exchanged glances with Jae before clasping your hands at your chest and closing your eyes to make a wish. Every year you wished that he would still be your best friend no matter what. That even when either of you were away, the memories never faded. You were somehow always finished before him, so when you looked up his eyes were still closed. When he opened them he gave you a smile and a quick nod so you could blow out the candles together.

He reached in his pocket to grab something and put it in your hand before you could see it. “Happy birthday Y/N.” His eyes were sparkling in anticipation as he watched you look at the present in your hand.

It was a friendship bracelet with both your initials on it and a magnet inside each of the letters so when they were close enough, they would “hold hands”. It was the perfect gift you think. Anything that you could keep forever to remind you of him was just right. It was your turn to reach into your pocket for something and surprisingly (not really) you also bought some friendship jewelry, but instead of bracelets they were rings.

He chuckled and happily slipped it onto a finger it would fit. “Promise me you’ll always be my best friend?” He stuck out his pinky and pressed his thumb to yours to seal the deal.

“I promise.”

“Who’s ready for the piñata?! Oh you’re gonna love it, it’s so cute!” Your mom said snapping a few extra pictures. “You know the kids are waiting.”

More recently it became tradition to share the candy from the piñata with the kids in the neighborhood. As much as you would love to say you only wanted it because of them, your mom was really good at choosing candy.

“Okay but I get dibs on skittles this year!” You exclaimed jumping from your seat and heading to the front door.

“Uh, not if I get there first!” Jaehyun was quickly following behind you but not before he popped the string on the kid sized birthday hat and throwing it on the table.

As expected, kids were surrounding the tree in your front yard. “Happy birthday Jaehyun and Y/N, you guys are the best!” They were so sweet and made you wish you had a younger sibling or two. Jaehyun had his hair pushed back with a black plastic headband, bat in hand ready to take a swing. You never hit the piñata hard enough on the first try or so you told yourself when actually you just loved watching him do it.

“Go-Jae, go-Jae, go-Jae!” They all started chanting, boosting him with courage so his swing had more power. You quickly joined them, clapping your hands to the rhythm. One swift swing and candy went flying and scattered across the grass. They knew the skittles were off limits but they always had first choice. Again, you and Jae didn’t mind the leftovers because each option was just that good.

You sat with him under the tree afterwards and opened the bag of colorful candies. “Since you’re my favorite, I’ll give you half.” You say, dumping them into his readily cupped hands.

“You think it feels weird being 18 now?” He looked over at you, now with a lollipop in his mouth. “I mean like should we feel different since we’re like…adults now?”

“Hmm…” you actually hadn’t thought of it that way. You’ve only ever lived your life not really thinking about that. Each milestone was shared with him so you never felt the need to worry about those types of things. “I don’t know how we’re supposed to feel, maybe it’ll change when we go to college with all the “big kids” and have our first drinks before we’re supposed to.”

He chuckled and turned toward you, “We’ll be the big kids too technically but Y/N…I don’t wanna drink. What if it makes us forget each other?”

“Forget each other? That’s not how it works Jae.”

“I know I know, I just mean what if it changes us and we start growing apart?”

You turned and draped your legs in his lap to scoot closer to him and wrapped your arms around him. “I’ll never ever ever forget my best friend. I’ll always remember the coolest, sweetest boy Jae.”

He couldn’t fight the smile that spread across his face, dimples on full display. He hugged you back tightly but only for a bit before he started tickling you, causing you to burst into laughter.

"I brought us more cake because why not?" You said kicking your flip flops off as you entered his house. He had asked if you wanted to spend the night with him and you of course, happily accepted it. "I scraped up the extra icing and added it too."

"Thank God because I wanted more." He grabbed your bag from you and took it up to his room with you following closely behind.

You climbed into his bed and slipped under the covers. "I'm pooped, I just wanna sleep now. Come on Jae it's time for bed." You say patting the space next to you.

He hopped on top of the bed and began jumping. "What? No way, I still have so much energy left! I won't stop until you jump with me~"

You rolled your eyes but smiled and threw the comforter off and stood up with his help. He held your hands and you joined in with jumping, making the bed squeak every time either of you landed back down. You held your wrist up to him, showing him the bracelet and he did the same. You were amused at how quickly the dangling charms magnetically connected so you couldn't help but laugh.

"Think we're gonna get made fun of for these?" He asked, slightly winded from how long he was jumping. "I mean I don't care I'm just saying."

"Probably, you know how they are."

Rumors spread like wildfire in that school. Nothing left someone's ear that didn't end up in another. Whispers flowed through those halls like the wind. And of course you and Jaehyun weren't exempt from having your names thrown into the latest gossip. No one believes you two could be friends for so long with nothing going on between you. No matter how many times you denied it, everyone assumed you just didn't want anyone to know because of whatever reason.

“I hope everyone got their applications in! If not, you have until the end of this week to do it. Remember this is a choice that will change your life forever so don’t take this lightly!” It was every teacher’s job this week to remind all the students about their college applications so no one could lie and say they missed the deadline.

“Hey Y/N where are you applying?” Lily, a girl in your English class that never really bothered talking to you until she needed help with her homework.

“Oh uh, just State.”

“And what about you Jae?” She looked over at the boy who sat in the seat next to you, as she practically batting her eyelashes.

Without looking up from doodling in the back of his notebook, he spoke, “Same for me.”

She rolled her eyes before looking back at a group of friends who anticipated the both of your answers. They were all chuckling behind their hands. A boy from the group walks over and stands in front of your desks. “Are you guys gonna keep your relationship a secret there too? Or are you finally gonna fess up?”

Jae’s head finally popped up, brows furrowed in anger and confusion but before he said anything, you did. “What? What are you talking about?”

“Oh Y/N don’t be so dense, everyone knows and thinks it’s weird that you guys don’t just tell the truth.”

“We’re not lying, Jae is my best friend!”

“Why would we even have to lie about that? What’s wrong with her being my best friend?” His book was closed now and pencil down; fists clenched atop the desk.

“Relax buddy, no need to get all worked up over it. And since you aren’t dating, how would you feel if I asked Y/N out on a date?”

Jae looked over at you, face and ears red with embarrassment and were your eyes watery? He couldn’t tell but he didn’t like this. “She wouldn’t even consider saying yes, what’s your problem? Don’t you have friends?”

“Yeah man I do, but this is why you don’t have any!” He threw his head back and he laughed loudly, all of his friends following suit.

“Hey come on, leave them alone.” It was Damien’s turn to speak up. He wasn’t usually one to intervene on these types of things but it made him all the more attractive to you. You’ve had a crush on him ever since last year but unfortunately for you, he was already dating someone. “She said they weren’t dating and a pretty girl like Y/N doesn’t seem like the one to lie.”

Jae could feel his stomach twisting in knots hearing Damien call you pretty. When he looked over at you, you had a small smile on your face. It was better than you looking so sad but he couldn’t help but scoff. There was nothing special about this guy but you turned into a puddle of goo every time he was around. Jae wouldn’t call himself jealous but you’re his best friend and a guy like Damien he didn’t trust.

As Jae was about to lean over and offer to leave, Damien slid in between you two and held out his hand for you to grab. “Come on Y/N, you don’t have to listen to this.”

You happily clasped your hand with his and walked out of the classroom, leaving a stunned Jaehyun behind. It was making his blood boil—you didn’t even look back once. Something bubbled up in his chest and his jaw shifted. It doesn’t matter, he was going to wait outside for you so you can walk home together like always. He grabbed his stuff and yours and head to the front of the school.

He waited 45 minutes and still no sight of you, it was definitely making him worried. Should he go look for you and make you cut your time with Damien short or should he let you enjoy your time with your crush and head home without you? It was stressful trying to make a decision because obviously he wanted to snatch you away but he also wanted to be a good friend. The question was, would him leaving you with a boy he doesn’t know make him a better friend than making sure you were safe just because you had feelings for him?

After waiting another 10 minutes, he decided that if anything were to happen you would just call him. He unlocked his door with the keys dangling from the lanyard that you made him on his backpack.

“Jaehyun sweetie is that you? I’m in the kitchen!” His mom called out. He set both bags down and walked up to her. “Oh, by yourself today? Where’s Y/N?”

“Uh…hopefully she’s on the way, she was with Damien before I left.”

“Damien? That boy she talks about from your class?”

“Tsk, yeah. Him.” Jaehyun rolled his eyes as he plopped into one of the dining chairs.

His mom smiled but cleared her throat to try and hide it as she stirred the pot of spaghetti on the stove. “Well let’s hope she’s back for dinner, her mom is coming too.”

Jae nodded his head. He hoped you were back way before dinner, he didn’t like the uneasy feeling of you not being around him.

ding dong

Jaehyun’s ears perked up like a puppy when the scratchy tone of the door bell filled the house. Before he could hop up to get it, his mother was already excitedly rushing to the door to greet her friend. They both squealed and embraced each other as if they don’t see one another at least every other day or more. But something was off, where were you?

Your mom noticed Jae looking behind her from the couch, expecting another person but she hated to be the bearer of bad news. “Y/N should be here soon love, Damien will drop her off.”

He smiled, biting the inside of his lip trying not to seem too disappointed. What the hell were you doing with him all day? He walked into the kitchen to help set the table and serve both women before placing your plate right next to his. If you would be here soon, there was no point in eating without you, especially because he didn’t want to.

“You made sure to add extra garlic for Y/N right mom?” He asked looking in the pot as he stirred as if he’d be able to spot with small white pieces.

Both moms looked at each and smiled. “Yes sweetie I made sure. Come sit down we wanna ask about this Damien boy.”

Just hearing his name made Jae want to thrust his fingers in his ears. Not just you but now the moms were curious about this kid too? Oh great. “Sure, what’s up?”

“Tell us what he’s like, is he a good fit for Y/N?” Your mom pitched in, elbows on the table as she leaned in.

A good fit for you? Absolutely not! No one was a good fit for you unless he was absolutely perfect. Jaehyun has never met someone like that though so until he did, no one fit the requirement. “He’s okay, but I thought he was dating another girl that’s not in our class. He’s really nothing special, no offense, but I definitely think Y/N can do better.” That statement earned a laughed from the two and Jae didn’t know what was so funny.

“Awww you’re so good to Y/N Jae, she’s lucky to have someone like you.” Your mom pat him on the shoulder and tucked a piece of hair behind his ear.

Just then the doorbell rang for the second time tonight and Jae shot out his chair to run to the door. His heart swelled when he opened the door and saw you standing there with a huge smile on your face. Then he looked next to you and saw the last person he wanted to see right now.

“Hey Jae! Damien is here to meet our moms real quick before he goes.”

Jaehyun hesitantly stepped to the side and allowed the both of you in. He so badly wishes that he could have pulled you inside and slammed the door in Damien’s face but he would do as his mother taught him and be nice to his guests. Even though that might be quite hard if he saw you two holding hands for a second longer.

“Oh how wonderful, a guest! Please come in!” His mother greeted the boy and hugged you.

“We’ve heard so much about you Damien.” Your mom says, standing up to shake his hand.

“Oh?” Damien looks over at you, your ears slightly red at the tips. “Well I’m glad this isn’t your first time hearing of me.”

Jae could gag just listening to how fake he sounded but he was too focused on making your plate just the way you liked it. He set his and your plates back down on the tables, this time full with food and pulled your chair out before sitting down. He stared at you until you looked over at him and gave you a big smile and called you over. You absolutely loved his mom’s spaghetti and rushed to sit down.

“Would you like to stay with us for dinner? There’s plenty left and we have an extra chair!” Jaehyun’s mom offered and he almost choked on his food. He’s had enough of this guy and wanted time alone with you and that extra chair was his dad’s, not for some random.

“Oh I would love to but my mom wants me back for dinner too so I’ll have to take a rain check on that offer.”

“Hey Y/N, we still on for scrabble tonight?” Jaehyun leaned over to whisper while the moms were saying their goodbyes to Damien.

“Oh my gosh, of course! You’re totally gonna lose, I’m taking you down Jae!” You playfully slammed a finger down on the table to add emphasis.

“Bye Y/N, I’ll see you around school yeah?” Damien stood in the archway of the kitchen, putting on his sweetest smile as he pulled your attention away from Jae.

“Yeah, I’ll see you Monday.” You tried stopping the blush blooming on your cheeks, but all eyes around the table were on you.

“Damn, I need to exchange one of these letters…”

“Having a hard time over there Jae? I can totally help if you need to make a word.”

He smirked and rolled his eyes as he reached into the bag of tiles. “Thank you very much sweet Y/N but I’m capable of making my own words. Don’t think you’re gonna win just because I don’t make any points this turn.”

“Mhm whatever you say but you’re not ready to see what I have up my sleeves syrupy Jae.”

“Syrupy?”

“Yeah…you said sweet and I couldn’t think of anything to say back that was equally as sweet. Please forget I said that, I’m so embarrassed right now.” You cringed and put your face in your hands and pretend sobbed as Jaehyun chuckled.

“Well syrupy Y/N, you still have to place your word.” He laughed as he dodged your missed smack to his arm.

You both were playing for at least another hour before tallying up the scores to see that neither of you won and it was a tie. A perfect 540 points. Jae didn’t really mind who won, he was happy that his night ended with seeing you because he definitely missed you while you were gone for most of the day. You would never tell him but you forgot about him while you were with Damien and you weren’t sure if that was a good thing or not. Jae was your best friend always but maybe you did want to venture out and make new friends. Not because he wasn’t sufficient; maybe you were just curious.

He was your only best friend this entire time but hanging out Damien made you realize perhaps you were ready for love. Your 18th birthday just passed and you were gearing up to go to college. He would be your first boyfriend and you were to embarrassed to admit that. You knew you needed Jaehyun around once you did leave high school, hence applying for the same schools, but hearing him be told that he didn’t have any friends because of you sent a pang right through your heart. Was that really true?

“So, how was your date?” Jae snapped you out of your thoughts as you laid against the footboard of his bed; him at the opposite end. “Didn’t think you’d be gone all day, so I hope it was good.”

“Mmm, I’d hardly call it a date but it was pretty chill. You know, I don’t really have anything to compare it to since I’ve never had a boyfriend but I think I would say it was good.”

“Well, would you go out with him again if he asked?”

“Yeah, yeah I guess I would. I really like him Jae so I want to see how this goes.”

He couldn’t explain it but he felt…scared. He really really didn’t want to lose his best friend. He was happy for you but he could feel it deeply in his bones that there was a big shift coming and he probably only felt that way because he knew college would be soon. Would he really have to worry about that? Not seeing you for long periods of time because you would be too occupied with all the new friends you made?

Day by day, time seemed to stretch on. Days seemed liked months and these past two months seemed like 2 years. He could never get you to stay in one spot, or to not be around Damien. It was like you were glued to him. You did everything together; even the stuff you usually did with Jaehyun. You just never had time for him anymore, but you were just spending time with your boyfriend; that wasn’t a bad thing right?

“And oh my god Y/N, you’re never gonna guess what happened after!…….Y/N you still there?”

“Y-yeah Jae I’m still here but lemme call you back another time okay? Then you can tell me.”

“Oh…yeah, another time. See you this weekend maybe?”

“Sorry, Damien invited me to a party with him so I’ll probably be doing that.”

“Right. See you around.” He barely finished his sentence before he heard the click on the other end signaling that you had already hung up.

“Jaehyun again huh? Gosh he just doesn’t get the message that you don’t wanna talk to him huh?” Damien had his hands rubbing up and down your exposed arm as you laid together on his bed.

“What? Don’t be mean, that’s not true! Jaehyun is such a sweet guy and we’ve been best friends for ages.”

“Yeah but he doesn’t know how to stop being a loser and make some more friends.”

That made you sit up and shove him on his chest. “That’s not fucking nice to say Dame, he’s not a loser.”

“Okay okay, sorry.” He guided you to lay back down and stuck his hands under your shirt to fondle your boobs. “We don’t even have to think about him right now. Let’s take this off.”

You’d been letting him kiss anywhere below your face and above your hips. He convinced you it wasn’t a bad thing and that it’s not like he was taking your virginity. He said this is what couples do and you weren’t stupid but somehow you allowed him this far. Jae wouldn’t do anything like this with you when you weren’t comfortable or maybe you would be more comfortable since it was Jae. But he was your best friend and you were simply using him as an example.

The night of the party, you put on a short sequin dress. A bit out of your comfort zone but this was a party and you should live a little. It was supposed to be a small house party, the kind they’d show in movies—the ones where the kid would throw it after their parents left, but the only thing small about the party was the amount of space left with everyone piled in. Damien walked with you, hand settled on your left hip.

“Let’s grab some drinks babe, time to get the real party started.”

“Actually I don’t drink.”

His face bunched up with a mixture of confusion and disgust. “What do you mean you don’t drink?”

“Why would I? I’m not 21 at all.”

He scoffed then laughed, even throwing his head back. “Oh that’s real grand Y/N no one waits until they’re 21 to drink. What do you think happens at these kinds of parties?”

“I don’t think that’s entirely true and yeah obviously but I also promised Jae I-“

“Jae? Jaehyun? You know in a bit Y/N I’m going to think he’s your boyfriend and not me.”

"Come on Damien don't be like that, you know he's my best friend."

"Yeah you keep saying that but maybe y'all are a bit more than that. Jae isn't here right now, I am, and he can't stop you from having a little fun. Now drink up."

You looked at the mystery liquid in the cup he held and stared at it before quickly taking it and downing the drink in one go. It went down hard and sizzled in your throat causing you to cringe and cough. Damien pat you on your back and praised you for your bravery. Once the initial feeling went away, the taste wasn't too bad; it had a nice fruity flavor. Before you knew it, you were going through drinks like they were water and eventually you started to feel a warmth grow all over you body and up to your face. It felt weird and with the way your head felt so dizzy, you weren't sure how much longer you could stand on two legs.

"Hey...Dame, I wanna leave, my head feels funny."

He turned to look at you and caught you as you stumbled. "Right now? The party doesn't end for like another 2 hours. You can't wait?"

"I don't...I don't know, I feel all loopy and my stomach hurts a bit."

"Yeah baby that's the buzz from all the alcohol you had. It's your first time, don't expect to feel fine."

"Damien please, I really wanna go home."

He peered over at the guys he was talking to before you walked up to them and sighed before helping you find a place to sit. "Just sit here and rest and I'll wake you up when it's time to go if you fall asleep."

Before you could protest, he was already walking back to his crowd. You felt like you could cry, laugh and puke all at the same time and you didn't want to be here when you did it. You were going to get home one way or another, whether he liked it or not. You pulled out your phone and sent a quick text to Jae. You weren't really sure what it said but once you hit send and he read it, he immediately text a "send me the address" back. You waited for what seemed like 5 minutes but with the lack of comprehension you possessed right now, who knows how long it actually took. He said he was outside waiting for you, so you got up and made your way to the door, the time on the couch helping you regain the strength in your legs.

A lazy smile settled on your face when you saw him standing there. He smiled too and for a second you forgot you were drunk and at this stupid party.

"Hey, I came as fast as I could. Are you okay?"

You sat down with a plop and sighed. "Yeah I'm okay."

There was a long silence between you, the cool wind prickling at the skin on your legs and a small cloud of smoke blowing from your mouth every time you released a breath. Stillness aside, it was comfortable. Everything with Jaehyun was comfortable. He turned to you, still silent but now looking like he had something to say.

After what seemed like 10 minutes, he finally spoke. "Y/N can I say something? I want to say it now so I don't regret not mentioning it to you sooner."

"Sure Jae, shoot."

"I don't like Damien, never have; but recently it feels like he's the reason you're not talking to me and not because you're just so focused on him. He's a douchebag and I can only hope he treats you better than the vibes he gives off."

"Don't say that Jae..."

"You didn't deny anything I just said Y/N and that makes me worry."

"I didn't say anything."

"I know and I want you to. I want you to tell me that I'm not losing my best friend to someone that's not even worth it."

"You just don't like him is all and you have no reason to not give him a chance." You wanted to say something else, something more in depth, but gosh your head was starting to spin again.

"Okay well give me a reason, look at me and tell me I have nothing to worry about and that you still like me." He placed a hand on your shoulder and you turned to face him. His eyebrows creased in concern. “Are you drunk? Are you fucking drunk?!”

You pushed at his arm with much more force in your mind than you actually did. “Yeeees~ and why are YOU so worried about it Jae?” You tried to boop him on the nose but he grabbed your hand before you reached his face.

“What the fuck Y/N?! this...this isn’t you. I don’t like what he’s doing to you.”

“Oh yeah? Well why do I have to care about what you think? Why can’t I just—just do whatever the hell I want?!” You actually succeed in shoving him on the chest this time and he stumbled slightly in shock. “Do you think you’re the boss of me Jae? This is why you don’t have any fucking friends!” As soon as you let the words leave you, you felt a deep pain in your chest but he shouldn't have yelled at you like that. Jae was wrong, Damien wasn't changing you it's just that you would never do these adventurous things if Jaehyun was around because he was too careful and you couldn't live the rest of your life not knowing what it was like. Jaehyun didn't know what he was talking about.

He hadn’t spoken to you since that night. He felt bad for getting so upset but what were you thinking? You had just promised him you both wouldn’t do anything like that, yet you couldn’t even make it to college before you broke it. It was all Damien’s fault; he was bad news. Jaehyun so badly wanted to apologize but you weren’t answering his texts, his calls and he hasn’t seen you around school. Hope filled his heart, telling him you say something—anything—back to him and you’d be occupying his time with your presence.

Yet here he was sat at the table, a scrabble board placed perfectly in the middle, ready for an extra player. But you weren’t there and making words for the both of you as if you were playing with him, didn’t give him the satisfaction he thought it would. And why were all of his words so so romantic? This was stupid, he hated this. You were supposed to be sitting adjacent to him, sitting crisscrossed in the chair, thinking hard about a word to play. Maybe you were right, he was too boring for anyone else to be around and the only person who put up with it for years was you.

His mom walked in the kitchen to see him staring at one piece in his hand; zoned out. “Sweetie it’s getting late, you might wanna put it away for tonight.” When he still didn’t budge, she placed a hand on his shoulder and he stood up and pulled her in a tight hug. She felt his body shake and heard the small whimpers coming from him so she rubbed his back. “Oh my baby boy…it’s okay…it’s okay.”

“What did I do wrong mom? Why does she hate me so much? I just want Y/N back…I want my best friend.”

He’s never felt emotions so strongly for someone but what should he expect when he’s lived his life knowing what it was like to wake up and fall asleep next to you. Whenever you needed him he was there for you. No one could ever make him laugh like you do, make him protective like you do, make him…love like you do.

He loves you. To the moon and back. And he never wanted to admit that because it would sound typical, so boring, so cliche. But the veins on his head bulged just thinking about you being with someone else that wasn’t him. What if you were forgetting him slowly every day that you weren't around him? No, that could never happen right? He didn’t want to know at this point, he just wanted you back. Has he messed so badly that he wouldn’t see or talk to you until you got to college? Maybe he’d see you at prom but even then, there was no guarantee that you’d even bat an eye his way.

You'd been at Damien's all weekend, cuddled up with him in his room like always. There's actually not much else you would do together. He didn't take you on dates, he almost always snuck you into his house and when you were at school, he acted like everyone else was more important. Jae would never do that to you but he was being so stupid right now so until you got over it, you would continue reading his messages from the drop down menu on your phone. Maybe you'd see him at prom but even then, there was no guarantee you'd want to see him.

Damien broke you out of your thoughts when he started to kiss you on the neck and moving awfully close to your face which was "off-limits". His hand rested on your waist and worked to remove your shirt. He eased his way up to your jaw and around to your lips before you put a hand to his chest and backed away.

“Why won’t you kiss me?” Your boyfriend touched your chin with his finger and leaned in but you moved away.

“I just want my first real kiss to be special.”

“And you’re saying it won’t be special with me?” He crossed his arms and sat back against his headboard. “This have anything to do with that guy you always hang around?”

“Who, Jae? No, he’s just my best friend.”

“Oh yeah well you two look at each other like you’re in love so maybe you are just a liar and this totally has something to do with him, just like I fucking thought.”

You felt extremely offended now and you scooted back away from him. “A liar? I’m telling the truth, Jae is my best friend and there’s nothing going on between us.” You scoffed loudly and your brows furrowed in anger. “Why did you ask me out if you thought I liked him then?”

He rolled his eyes and pulled out his phone. “I actually just wanted to make Sarah jealous and I had high hopes for you but you don’t even wanna kiss me so I can’t brag that we had sex.”

You caught a lump in your throat and your eyes brimmed with tears. “What? W-why?” You had to swallow down that burning and sore feeling before you spoke up. “Why would you do that to me? I thought you liked me.”

“And I thought you’d jump at the opportunity to have sex with me but you’re the most boring virgin I’ve ever met. This idea sucked and all my friends were right that you weren’t the right choice for this.”

With tears streaming down your face, you slapped him as hard as you could and put your shirt back on and stormed out his room. Some boyfriend he was. He wasn’t even that cute to be such a waste of time. But alas, your heart was still broken over something that easily could have been avoided. He was a walking red flag but you let his looks get to you. Boys are stupid, except for Jaehyun and right now you’d love if he hugged you and let you fall asleep on his chest.

But you doubt he even wanted to talk to you right now. He wouldn’t just watch you cry though right? When you got to his house and knocked on the door, you had already stopped crying but your eyes still felt red and puffy. His mom answered the door and immediately pulled you in when she saw how wrecked you looked.

“Y/N what happened?! Oh my goodness!”

“My stupid boyfriend—no, ex boyfriend is stupid. Dumb and stupid and I hate him and I never want to see him again.” You could feel the tears fighting their way back to your eyes so you quickly wiped them on the back of your hand. “I just wanna see Jae.”

“Well sweetie…I don’t know if that’s such a great idea. You’ve been avoiding him like the plague and that’s not a good look for you if I’m being honest. You’ve missed out on scrabble and you know how much he loves playing with you.”

Now you were tearing up for a different reason. You were about to be why your birthday wish doesn’t come true all because of a boy that didn’t really like you.

“Buuut if you must know, he’s at the basketball court. His feelings are pretty hurt right now so be ready to see a different side of him.” She put a reassuring hand on your shoulder and offered a smile of comfort.

He was playing with a few other guys and looked to genuinely be having fun. You watched from the other side of the gate, fingers slipped through the holes to support you. You quietly stood there as he continued to make goal after goal--he's always been good at the sport. He hadn't noticed you until he stopped to get some water. He made eye contact and quickly avoided it.

“Hey Jae.” You walked along the path outside the gate but he didn’t respond nor look up at you. “Can we talk Jae?” Now he was no longer inside the court and he was walking past you towards his house. “Please Jae, I need to tell you something.” You followed him as he walked and you would keep following him even when he got home. “Okay if you won’t talk to me at least just listen okay? I broke up with him today…he was an asshole. You know, he said he only dated me to try and make Sarah jealous and since I didn’t want to kiss him he knew he couldn’t make her jealous by telling her we had sex either. He used me and I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you and said all those mean things to you. I really want my best friend to hug me and make me feel better like he always does.”

He stopped on the doorstep of his house and when he opened the door, he didn’t close it behind him; silently inviting you in. He plopped onto the couch and when you sat next to him, he reached over to pull you into a hug. You wrapped your arms around his waist and laid your head on his shoulder as you burst into tears. He really was the best at comforting you and even when he was upset with you, he cared for you deeply. He laid his head on top of yours and rubbed your back.

You woke up, turning on a surface that felt nothing like his couch. You were in his bed aka he carried you there after you fell asleep to make sure you were cozy. As you were stretching, his door creaked open and he peaked his head around it, smiling when he saw you were awake.

"Good nap?" He plopped down and laid next to you.

"You know the naps you never see coming are the best." You turned on your side and started at him for a while. "Thanks Jae, I really needed that. You're the best best friend a girl could ask for."

Was that supposed to make him feel so sad? "Who would I be if not Y/N's best best friend? And this best best friend is taking you to prom."

You quickly sat up and squealed, "no way Jae are you serious?! you still wanna take me after everything that happened? It's okay if you don't actually want, I don't want you to feel obligated."

"Come on Y/N, why would I not wanna take you to prom? We JUST had a conversation about being best best friends." He chuckled to himself and stood up at the foot of his bed. "And I've already been practicing this." He bowed and then positioned his arms as if he had a dance partner and took dancing steps around his room making you laugh and applaud his determination.

"Jae, Y/N! Dinner's ready!"

Your heads shot to the door and you jumped up from the bed grabbing Jae by his arm. "You're not off the hook Ms. Y/N, we're practicing together next time and you can't say no."

Things were back to normal at school with you and Jae being friends again, besides the awkward run-ins with Damien. You've had to stop Jaehyun from tackling him a few times this week but that was expected. Everyone was gearing up for prom which was traditionally held within the last 3 weeks of school before graduation. Most other schools had their proms one to two months ago but your school tried giving the students more time to stay focused on their finals. You and Jae had received the the good news that you were both accepted to the school you applied for which meant you'd be seeing him every day for at least 4 more years.

"Can you believe we're less than a month away from walking to school for the last time?"

"Honestly, no. As much as we've talked about this, I can't believe we're seniors in high school." You walked with him back to your house as you both drank a juice box.

"Well I have two surprises for you this weekend so I hope you're ready."

"Surprises? I don't know if I can wait all the way until the weekend Jae, can you show me now? Please please please?" You jumped up and down while holding his arm, begging to see what he had in store for you.

"Nope, your tricks won't work on me. You only have to wait two days for your surprise, I think you can wait until then right?"

You halted your pleading movements and pouted, "I guess so, but it better be worth the wait."

Saturday had come much faster than you expected with the way you couldn't stop thinking about what he thought would be a surprise. Jaehyun was good at surprises though so you shouldn't have doubted him but the excitement took over. He told you to be ready by 2 o'clock and he came inside to escort you out.

"Close your eyes, you can't spoil the first surprise Y/N." He guided you down the stairs by your arm. "Okay, open!"

You opened your eyes and they almost flew out of your head. "OH MY GOD JAE YOU HAVE A CAR?!" He smiled proudly and nodded. He rushed to open the door for you and gestured you to get in. "But we can't go anywhere Jae, you don't have your-"

Before you finished your sentence, he pulled his license out of his pocket and held it in front of your face. "I got it like 2 weeks ago but I didn't want to spoil the surprise. Now I can drive us to our classes."

"No freaking way Jae what the hell! You're a real adult now huh? Looks like I need to catch up. These are the best two surprises ever!"

He smirked and turned the key in the ignition. "Oh, that wasn't the second surprise, just wait until we get there."

He drove for about an hour and a half before he pulled into the parking lot of the aquarium. You hadn't been in some years and you kept mentioning it to your mom every once in a while hoping she would get the hint to take you both, but instead he took it upon himself to surprise you with this trip. Inside, you walked around arm in arm in awe of all the animals. Hands down your favorite part was the quiet and secluded room they had specifically for viewing the sharks and jellyfish. There was a bench right in the middle of it, so you lead him over to take a seat.

You sighed when you sat down and he looked over at you quizzically. "You know" you started carefully, "Damien never did things like this with me and as much as I hated that, I didn't think it was enough to make me want to break up with him. But every time, no matter what, you always find a way to do what he should have done. I know you wanna say 'I told you so'."

"No Y/N, I'm not going to say that to you. I'm just glad you're my best friend okay? And we don't have to talk about this anymore if you don't want to."

"No Jae, I want to talk about it because I just wanted to say thank you for always being there for me."

He put a hand on your back and gave you a small, comforting smile. "Hopefully this isn't too much but I got you something else." He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a pink rose. "I was going to give you a whole bouquet at prom but this was the last one and I got scared they wouldn't have anymore in time and they were so perfect for you and-"

You leaned over and put your lips on his. He kissed you back--no hesitation--his hand resting on your cheek as he deepened the kiss. This wasn't supposed to feel natural or nice, it was supposed to be a spur of the moment type thing that you regret afterwards. But it wasn't any of those things, it was something you wanted more of until you couldn't bother to stomach it. You pushed off of him and moved closer to the other end of the bench.

"Why would you kiss me back Jae?!" You leaned forward and put your head in your hands as tears fell from your eyes.

You could hear the panic in his voice next to you, "Y/N I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean t-to-" he reached for you to comfort you like always but you swatted him away.

"No Jae, you shouldn't have done that! I was vulnerable and you shouldn't have kissed me back like you loved me!" You stood up and walked toward the exit.

"Y/N no, wait, please, I-I..." He chased after you and grabbed at your wrist before you could fully make it out of the area.

"I don't wanna hear it Jae, just take me home."

The ride home was quiet and the air was tense. You sat with your legs facing away from him as you stared out the window. You’ve known him long enough to know he would take small glances your way—trying to make it not seem so obvious—turning back before you caught a glimpse. You weren’t sure why it made you so upset, why you yelled at him the way he did at the party. He shouldn’t have done it, he should have been more careful.

“Uh Y/N, you’re home.”

You were so deep in thought and so caught up in trying to ignore him that your house suddenly seemed so close to the aquarium. “Thanks.” was all you said before opening your door and hopping out. You would try and talk to him if he stopped you before you closed the door; you would give him a chance. Yet he said nothing and that pissed you off more. Was he not worried about how you felt? Did he not care that you didn’t talk to him the whole ride? What was wrong with him? It didn’t matter, you understood. He didn’t think he was wrong and wasn’t going to apologize for it.

You heard him drive off after you closed the front door. You slid down to the floor and began crying again. Your mom walked into the foyer, rushing over to make sure everything was okay. “Y/N what happened? Is everything okay with Jaehyun?”

“I don’t want to talk about him anymore mom, he’s just another stupid boy!”

“How do I look?” You stood in your bathroom mirror, adding the final touches to your makeup and hair.

“You look gorgeous sweetie, as always.” Your mom stood in your room, watching you from the bathroom doorway. Her hands were clutched at her chest, tears welling up in her eyes. “Are you sure you’re okay with having no date love?”

No, you weren’t okay with it but Damien was a no go and you still hadn’t spoken to Jae since last week. Your short but traumatizing history with boys has taken a toll on you. Prom was for girls to have their first dance with the boy they promised to be with forever and grow old with. Something that you apparently weren’t going to experience because as you’ve come to learn, boys are stupid.

“Have a great time honeybunch! Call me if you need a ride back!” Your mom yells out the window as she drops you off in front of the school. It was now or never, you only have prom once.

As expected, the vibes were quite nice, something that you’d expected from the countless times you’ve thought about it and also seeing it on TV. The music played loudly from the two big speakers that sat atop the stage at the back of the gym, which was the biggest and best spot to host such an event. You looked around seeing a few familiar faces but landing on one in particular. You hadn’t interacted much with Damien since you broke up with him or really thought much about him. He stood in a crowd, like usual, laughing and talking. As much as you still found him attractive, you’ll never forget how he took advantage of your kindness for his own benefit. You had heard that Sarah didn’t even want him back and told him that “trying to make her jealous” made him look pitiful. Serves him right.

You stood on the sidelines, occasionally blocking your eyes from the pink hued lights that shined brightly from the ceiling. Eventually growing tired of standing in one spot, you walked over to the punch bowl. Flashbacks from the night of the party twisted your stomach in knots; no drinks for tonight even if it wasn’t spiked. As you turned around, you nearly bumped into someone.

“Hey.” That tall, blonde haired boy you actually missed so much was standing in front of you, holding a bouquet of the same pink roses he tried giving you at the aquarium. “They had more and I didn’t want to not give them to you. I also wanted to say I’m sorry.”

“Thanks for the flowers Jae.” Short and curt. If you didn’t know any better, he looked like he was going to cry but you know his feelings were just really hurt with not being able to talk to you or be your prom date like he previously wanted. “I’ll see you around.”

As the night went on, he couldn’t help but wonder where he went so wrong. He wasn’t even the one who initiated the kiss. It was beginning to stress him out not knowing how to deal with these feelings for you. You obviously didn’t feel the same way but part of him thought it might have changed after that kiss but he was far from the truth. He wished he could go back to that day and do nothing but would that have satisfied you or just made you hurt more? Having your best friend do more than the guy you dated but couldn’t even be courteous enough to kiss you back? He shouldn’t have kissed you at such a vulnerable time but they were your words not his. He’d have kissed you a million more times if that’s what you wanted or maybe that’s what he wanted.

“Aaaalright boys and girls or should I say ladies and gentlemen, go ahead and grab your partner for tonight; whether that be your prom date, a good friend or a once in a lifetime opportunity to confess your love to the person you’ve been watching all year. Let’s slow this music down a bit and end this night off with a bang!”

Jaehyun hadn’t imagined his night going like this. You practiced with him on countless nights, dancing across his or your floor, leading each other through a routine that you let your subconscious choreograph. To be able to hold you so closely and look into your eyes, he wanted to tell you then and there, each time, just how much you meant to him. He looked up and saw that you were already staring at him from across the room. Would you give him a second chance to apologize and make it up to you? Guess he had to find out.

He walked over to you and offered you a hand. Suddenly you were back in his room, laughing as you both messed up a move, stepping on each other’s toes and falling into each other. The world around you was quiet besides the music still playing through those big speakers. It was just you and Jae in this moment. You laid your head on his chest, feeling like you could hear his heartbeat. You looked up at him. He always had that look in his eyes like he was looking through a telescope and viewing the way the stars shined and the planets aligned.

“Y/N I have to tell you something.” His chest was moving fast and his eyes were frantically searching your face for approval.

“Yeah go ahead Jae.”

“I love you Y/N.”

“Yeah I love you too Jae.”

“No, Y/N. I love love you, not just because you’re my best friend but maybe even more because you’re my best friend. I can’t keep this to myself anymore, I fucking love you Y/N.”

Immediately you were more aware of everyone around you, the music blaring, the lights too bright and now you were stepping on his toes again.

You pushed away from him. “Jae what’s happening with you? Stop this.”

“Y/N please, I didn’t want to keep that from you. Those are my true feelings, I meant what I said.”

“Yeah and that’s your problem. What about my feelings huh? This is your 3rd strike Jae, I can’t do this anymore.”

Just then, a tap on your shoulder. It was Damien. “Hey Y/N, I know this is a terrible request but do you wanna dance with me since it’s the last day of school and all?”

You wanted to cringe and step away from both boys but you turned to look at Jae who watched for your reaction, “Y/N don’t.”

You rolled your eyes, turning back to your ex boyfriend “Sure Damien, I’d love to.”

[darkeralmond]

UNCHARTED WATERS

Prologue > next

Pairing: Macklin Celebrini x Emilia Richardson

Summary: Macklin has had feelings for his best friend, Emilia, since freshman year. After her winning lacrosse game, he nervously gives her flowers and confesses that he’s been in love with her since their first kiss. What happens when Macklin finally decides to step out of his comfort zone and dive into the unknown?

Warnings: nothing except Macklin being adorable

Apricot Speaks: HIII!! i missed u guys soo much, but im finally back!! yay!! hope u all enjoy this as much as i did writing it!! there will other parts to this so be on the look out!

“Flyers on me, Flyers on 3!”

“1 2 3, Flyers!” Emilia and her team shouted as they pointed their lacrosse sticks in the sky in celebration.The homeside of the bleachers erupted into cheers as the girls on the field embraced one another.

Mrs. Richardson held her phone up like the proud mother she was, documenting the team's victory. “Macklin, honey? Did you get her goal on video?” She asked as if the video on her phone wasn’t rolling.

“Right here,” Macklin said as he directed her attention to the video.

It showed as Emilia moved with such grace around other players on the field, with incredible speed that made her look like a track star.. She left everyone, including her own teammates in the dust.

With the goal only being protected by the goalie, it was like watching a face off between two duelers. As the defenders grew closer and the clock running out of time, Emilia grounded herself before pulling her stick far behind her head. She launched the ball with all of her power, causing the ball to hit the bar and land in the goal. She slammed her stick on the ground, screaming in celebration as the clock buzzed, implicating the end of the game. Her team stormed the field and swarmed around her like bees.

Rewatching the video made Macklin’s smile as it reminded him of his own hockey team’s celebration when it came to a victory like that.

By this point, Mrs. Richardson had stopped filming and mumbled under her breath that Emilia’s dad would be hoping for a video. Emilia’s parents’ divorce was still fresh and a very sensitive subject to Emilia, causing Macklin to shutter due to the distaste in her mom’s voice.

To change the topic, Macklin said, “Emilia’s gonna love these shirts. Well, she’ll probably be more embarrassed than anything….” He directed his attention down to the t-shirt with Emilia’s face plastered on the front along with her number and last name on the back in bright orange lettering.

“Well, it’s our job to embarrass her of course!” She said with her signature cackle. Her mom then noticed some of the girls making their way off the field towards the locker room. “Oh, they’re heading off! Do not forget the flowers!” She pointed at the bouquet next to Macklin while sporting a huge smile.

“How could I forget,” He said as he snatched the flowers from the spot. He trailed behind Mrs. Richardson as they went down to the gate which led to the field. The closer they got to the bottom, the more anxious he got.

Tonight was the night Macklin was going to finally confess to Emilia. Ever since freshman year, he’s been head over heels for her, but both their parents argue he’s been obsessed with her longer than he had realized it. The last time he got her flowers for his homecoming proposal, it went well. It’s why he decided to do it again.

While Emilia’s mom chatted with some of the other players’ moms who also waited to congratulate their daughters, a couple of the girls on the team noticed Macklin and the flowers in his hand. It was obvious who they were for, so a few of them began whispering to one another. The more stares he got, the clammier his hands became.

It wasn’t until a group of freshmen girls were about to make their way into the locker room when the redhead girl, which Macklin recognized to be Emilia’s little for senior night, spotted Macklin and the flowers.

She stopped the whole group and turned their attention to Macklin. “Are those for Emilia?” She asked.

“Uh, yeah.” He rubbed the back of his neck with a small smile on his face. “They are.” He shouldn’t be to display his feelings for Emilia, but something about these girls intimidated the hell out of him.

“Oh em gee!” She squealed as she held up her finger before saying, “I’ll go get her!” She abandoned her friends, sprinting back onto the field while her friends surrounded the gate. They were obviously excited to witness this moment between her and Macklin, but this drew even more attention to him. It would be different if he knew a majority of these people like he did with hockey, but this wasn’t his scenery so he was prone to stage fright.

The redhead came back faster than Maclin expected, dragging Emilia by the arm. She was obviously confused about why there were so many people waiting around for her. The other freshmen parted for her, making a path which led straight to Macklin, resembling a something similar to a wedding.

The realization dawned on her as soon as she made eye contact with Macklin. All Macklin could do was stare at her with admiration, captured by how beautiful she was even after kicking ass on the field.

She let out a loud cackle, similar to her mom’s, causing Macklin’s heart to swell. “I thought we were done with these types of grand gestures” She then looked around cautiously before joking once more, “There’s no posters spelling out prom, right?”

“Ahh, you’re not so lucky this time,” Macklin said before pulling her into a tight bear hug. The tension he had felt before loosened in this embrace. She fit perfectly in his arms, making him never want to let her go..

He knew he had to eventually, so when they pulled away, he held out the flowers for her to take. “What would you have done with these if we lost?” She asked before bringing them to her nose and smelling them.

“Consolation flowers?” He shrugged, which won another laugh from her. It was a sound he could never get tired of, and the euphoric feeling knowing what he’s said made her laugh could never be topped.

Emilia’s mom finally strayed from the other moms, coming back to Macklin and Emilia. “Before you go back to the locker room, I want to take a picture of you two!”

The little audience that congregated around the pair had finally vanished, now leaving Emilia alone. Macklin felt even more relieved as he wrapped her arm around Emilia’s waist, her head naturally landing on his chest.

After her mom snapped a few pictures, the two broke apart and Emilia announced, “I have to go, butI’ll be back out shortly.” She turned to her mom and said, “Is it fine if I go with Macklin to get some food?”

“Yes of course, Em. I’ll see you at home,” Mrs. Richardson said before Emilia ran off into the locker room. When the door shut, she turned to Macklin and squinted. “You two behave,” She joked, but Macklin wasn’t sure if she was 100% joking or not.

He flashed her a thumbs up and said, “Got it.”

Once alone, all of the thoughts he originally had came flooding back. What if she said no? Then what? Would it be awkward? Would they be normal like they used to be? Then, what if they broke up and stopped talking to one another?

Macklin closed his eyes and collected his thoughts into one. All these thoughts were trying to hold him back, but he knew to overcome them. Now’s not the time to stay silent. He knew what he wanted.

He wanted Emilia.

…

Emilia plopped into the passenger seat, as if her often sitting in it granted her ownership, and shut the door behind her. She had thrown everything else in the back except for the flowers, which she made sure were treated tenderly. “So, where are we heading off to?” She asked, looking over in Macklin’s direction.

Macklin shut his door and looked over at Emilia, realizing how close they were. Their faces were only inches apart making it to where Macklin could see every detail on her face.

Her eyes twinkled in the light of the night sky, she hadfreckles scattered across her face, and her lipslips were slightly parted. He paid extra attention to her lips, pushing down the urge to kiss them right then and there. It’s not like he hasn’t before.

“Macklin?” Her voice drew him out of the daze she put him in.

His eyes shot back up to her own, watching as her eyebrows furrowed. With the memory of their kiss conquering every other thought in his mind, he spoke,. “You remember when we kissed during that game of Spin the Bottle?”

She was taken aback, twitching before responding with,, “how could I forget? I mean, it was my first.” She had a lighthearted tone, contradicting Macklin’s serious one.

He licked his dry lips before pulling away from her.. “You know it was mine too right?” He came across as charismatic and smooth when really, Macklin had the lingering fear of his feelings not being reciprocated.

Her eyebrows drew together as she scoffed in disbelief. “Nuh-uh.” She mirrored his body language before looking off to the field with her mouth still open. “Why didn’t you say anything?” She looked back at him with her brows still furrowed.

“Because I was embarrassed,” He answered truthfully. He held eye contact as he felt the air in the car grow thicker as the tension between them grew.

“Why, because your first kiss was me?” She was trying to maintain her playful tone, but Macklin knew better than anybody she knew what was coming next. They’ve had many interactions like this recently where one of them, mostly Macklin, have come close to crossing the friendship line into uncharted waters. Emilia always back peddled by making something into a joke when things got too real.

Typically Macklin would drop it and retreat back to safety and pretend nothing happened, but curiosity into what was in the unknown caused him to timidly cross over the line. “No, because everyone says you get attached to your first… and I did.” Emilia stopped talking.

The silence crashed into Macklin like a monstrous wave, trying to pull him beneath the water to make him accept defeat and swim back to the friendship shore. He knew he wasn’t backing out now. With his head above the metaphoric waters, he continued.. “Emilia, you have no idea what that kiss did to me.”

“Macklin, that was 3 years ago.” She was trying to guide him back to shore, trying to save him from facing uncertainty head on. Macklin thought of giving up, taking her hand and letting her pull him back to safety, but the hand had different intentions. “Why are you saying something now?” She asked, letting Macklin guide her into the water, dipping her toes in to get a feel.

It caught Macklin off guard, but her eyes pressured him to keep talking. “That’s the thing. I can’t keep living in this fantasy world that we’re just friends. I can’t keep seeing other girls and lying to them that we’re only friends..” She had inched closer, but she was still behind the line. She still hadn’t left the safety of their friendship, but the glint in her eyes spoke to Macklin more than her words. She was considering diving head first.,

“I want our friendship to change into something more.” He blurted without a second thought. Her eyes widened, causing Macklin’s heart to sink with disappointment.. “That’s not the look I was hoping for.” He began to let go of her hand, letting himself drift off with the current.

“No Macklin! I…” Her hand stretched out, catching him before he fully descended and lost her. In doing this, her body became more submerged into the water, but the look in her eye told Macklin she didn’t care, she might’ve not even realized it. .

“I like you, a lot actually, but I’m scared.” She finally confessed before licking her dry lips. Macklin could’ve imagined it, but he could’ve sworn seeing her eyes briefly fall to his lips before meeting his. “What if we cross this line and we can never go back to the way it used to be?”

“It’s a risk I’m willing to take for you,” He answered without hesitation. “But what I do know is I’m tired of hiding this from you and everyone else.” He pulled on her hand to convince her to join him, to cross the line and make the passage to somewhere more. “Emilia, I want you to be my girlfriend.”

His question was able to force a smile to appear on her face as she nodded her head. She dove head first into the metaphoric water by answering, “Yes. I thought you’d never ask.”

[stellarnightstalk]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐑𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐕𝐢𝐥𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐖𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐀 𝐃𝐢𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐞!

pt. 1

I think I took a little too long to upload

The smell of ink and paper enters your nostrils, the balled-up sheets scattered around your mattress as you keep writing in your journal, or, her journal.

To cure the boredom you've been attempting to write down ideas to get him to divorce you, but always end up with scribbled pages or the paper balls you have around you. You placed the bottom of the fountain pen on your pursed lips in thought, and started writing.

Idea number 14: Beg him so much to divorce you to the point he just feels pity and accepts.

Idea number 15: Murder him and keep the insurance mo— “Yeah, no.” You tear the page apart and crumple it into a ball. Standing up from the mattress, you walk to the fireplace that you have installed in your bedroom and toss the paper ball into the blaze. "Can't risk being framed for something I only thought of doing."

Two weeks have passed since the conversation you had with Cedric. The king's daughter had already made herself comfortable in the estate about a week ago. Ever since then, you've made it your mission to avoid any problems between the two protagonists.

But, in addition to the heroine living with you, ever since you asked for a divorce, he has taken the liberty of “not neglecting you” and has attempted to arrange that every single day the both of you meet up in the garden for some quality tea time. An hour, every day. Which made the whole situation more difficult than it had to be. So naturally you refused him, which in return made him bring you expensive jewelry and dresses every day, the room was practically piling up.

You felt yourself trip on a diamond necklace that you had forgotten you had thrown on the floor and you fell head first on the cold ground with a yelp. Speak of the devil. Standing up from the floor, you grabbed onto your forehead and hissed, “Shit, that burns.” You glared at the necklace below your feet, angrily clutching the expensive item and stomping toward a window. You unlocked it, flinging it across who knows where. “Stop sending me gifts that aren’t money!”

“Gah!” A startled yelp echoed. Peering outside, you caught a glimpse of a messenger boy rubbing the back of his head, then you quickly closed the window. “Oops,” It probably didn't hurt that much. You made your way to the bed and retrieved the journal, flipping to the very first page. There revealed handwriting that clearly wasn't yours, the cursive letters written neatly and precise, with each letter flowing smoothly into the next. The villainess used to write a lot in this journal, seems like she didn't have anyone to speak to. It’s mostly just angry banter, as you'd expect from a villainess.

A piece of paper peeked out from one of the pages, out of curiosity you pulled it out and were met with a small portrait of the villainess. She looked young, probably in her teens. Her face was serious, expressing how she obviously didn't want to be there. Quite adorable. You flipped the tiny image, checking if there was a date on the backside. Instead, there was writing.

You still hold the same expression to this day. Don't forget to write letters, I'm here if you ever need me. - With Love, I.A

"IA? What kind of code name is that?" If you remember correctly, the villainess never had any friends, so whoever wrote this letter is beyond your knowledge. Could this be a background character? It doesn't seem that important if he was acquainted with the villainess. But the words stuck with you—could you ask this person for help? They did say they're here if you ever need them. But you don't even know who they are. Did the villainess trust this stranger?

Someone knocked on your door gently. “Your Grace?” You quickly hid the journal under the bed, grabbing all the paper balls in your arms and throwing them into the furnace to dispose of them fast. Out of breath, you sat on the bed, “Um… Your Grace?” The person repeated and you cleared your throat. “Come in.” You straightened your posture, as if you had just woke up.

The door gently opened, revealing a young maid. She bowed, her light brown bangs were covering her eyes. You hadn’t been in this place for long, but you think you knew all the people that worked here. She was new, you were sure of it. But why does she look so familiar?

“Good evening, Your Grace. The Duke has sent me after you for tea time,” she said with a slight tremble. Gosh, of course. “Tell him I won’t be there.” You stood up, striding to a luxurious vanity next to your bed, you looked at the mirror and touched your face. You never get used to the face. Changing your stare to the maid you noticed her narrowing her eyes from your gaze. You raised an eyebrow, “I'm sure that won't be a problem.” She gripped the handle, “Well, um, the thing is—”

She opened the door completely, revealing a variety of boxes stacked on top of each other. “He instructed me that if you disagreed, to hand over all of these.” You deadpanned. Of course, he’d do the same shit. “Should I… Bring it in?” She asked nervously but you raised a hand, rubbing your temple with the other. “No, there’s no need.” You sighed, getting to your feet and walking towards her, “Take me to my husband.” You mentally cringed at your words. “Of course, Your Grace!” She made her way around the boxes and placed her hands in front of her, accompanying you to Cedric, but you couldn't shake off the feeling that you recognized her.

“I have a question for you,” you started, making her slightly flinch at your words, ”What is your question, Your Grace?” She gulped, it looked like she was nervous. You're sure by that reaction that the rumors of the villainess had reached her ears, they all enjoy gossiping. “What is your name?”

“My name?” She tilted her head, confused by the sudden question but then she shook her head, terrified once more. “Apologies. My name is Edith,” She managed to stutter out.

Edith? That was the name of the villainess's most loyal maid. You examined her from top to bottom, earning a gulp from her. She was nothing like the novel described, she was squirmish and timid, while in the novel she was serious and brazen, which was the reason the villainess was interested in her. No wonder you didn't recognize her, she's a completely different character. But how?

“Which residence did you come from?” You decided to keep prying her with questions, if she was the villainess's most loyal servant you’d like to get her on your side. The correct answer on her part is that she came from a residence that the Duke conquered and that she was practically born to be a servant her whole life.

“I came with Her Highness, Your Grace.”

What? No, she didn't. You've read that novel like five times you practically have all the details memorized. There's no way in hell that she came with the princess, she still has the rights of a commoner. Since she hasn't been crowned, she didn't come with maids, she got appointed them after. Did you forget? Are you slowly losing your old memories, including the novel?

You bit your nails anxiously. One thing is for the course of the plot to be changed because of your actions since you reincarnated, but the land the Duke conquered was long before you came here. You couldn't have changed it because you weren't even there to alter it, it should have been like the story described it to be.

“Are you… Sure?” She looked at you perplexed, the question was dumb, and you knew that, but maybe she heard you wrong. “Um, yes, Your Grace.” Her voice cracked, so she cleared her throat, “I'm positive I came with the princess, I was with her in the carriage on her way here.” You shouldn't have been!

“You two must be close for you to ride in the same carriage as her.” Deny, deny! You thought, instead she looked away sheepishly. “Well, me and Ann— I mean, the princess and I have been close since childhood.” Childhood? You don't have a childhood! Edith was born into work and didn't have time for friends, which was why she kept to herself.

This situation was worse than you had anticipated. Edith was a significant asset to the villainess, and you needed her to be by your side. You opened your mouth to speak, but stopped when you realized that you had arrived at your destination. The place you were in was a greenhouse that belonged to the Duke. It was beautiful from the outside, and you wouldn't be surprised if it was just as stunning on the inside. Cedric always spent his time here; it was his safe place, but he never let the villainess enter. What had changed now?

Edith opened the gates of the greenhouse and went inside, you followed suit, taking in the view. The flowers looked beautiful, it was apparent that they were being taken care of very well. As you looked around your eyes were met with Cedric, his signature serious expression on his face made you sigh in response. It looks like he didn't notice you were here yet.

“Duke Ironheart, the Duchess has arrived.” Said Edith, bowing with a slight tremble. His head turned to you quickly, you swore you heard a slight crack when he did. Cedric cleared his throat before speaking, “Good, you may leave us be. Stand outside with the others.” He said to Edith, which she in return quickly nodded and walked at a fast pace outside the greenhouse.

Before you could say anything, he spoke up, extending his hand at the chair in front of him. “Have a seat.”

You gulped in an attempt to get rid of an anxious lump. “Right, of course.”

——➻

Grabbing the teacup in front of you, you sipped it carefully. As you did, an overwhelming taste of bitterness invaded your mouth, making you cough at the unexpected flavor as you placed the teacup down.

“This tea,” You began, clearing your throat, “is it a new blend? I've never tried it.” You looked at the male in front of you. “Is it not to your liking?”Cedric spoke.

“It’s a bit bitter but nothing I can’t handle.” You replied to the man, grabbing the teacup to sip from it once more. He stared at you and suddenly clasped the top of your teacup, slightly bumping his gloved knuckles into your nose. The hell?

“I reckoned you liked this kind of tea.” He took the tea from you and sipped it himself. His eye twitched. “My mistake. It appears that it is too bitter for the intended taste.” He glared beside him, making the maids flinch and look the other way, then he looked back at you. “Do not force yourself to drink something you dislike. Throw a tantrum as you did, or anything.” He declared sternly, which made it seem like he was ordering you to do it. He says that so easily but whenever the villainess threw tantrums he’d always put her on probation or give her the silent treatment.

“Take the tea away, fetch something less bitter.” He said to the maids without a look, pointing at your cups. They took it, eagerly nodding and going their merry way. You watched them leave the garden with a sigh, “Your Grace, I was just fine with the previous tea.” Your words came out with a twinge of irritation, he simply crossed his arms.

“You don't address me by my name anymore.” He said, changing the subject. “Is that a problem?” You feign innocence, tilting your head to display your confusion. A hum could be heard from him due to your response, making you shift uncomfortably in your seat. The exchange ended there.

As you both sat beneath the shade of a weeping willow, the space between you two was now crammed with an uncomfortable silence. You tapped your finger on the table anxiously, looking towards the flowers on your left. Does the duke have a staring problem? You've been sensing his gaze ever since the maids left as if he's analyzing your soul or something.

"The flowers are in full bloom," you said, just to break the uncomfortable stillness. “It looks quite beautiful.” He hummed at your words, "You've noticed," he said with a subtle smile, which surprised you. "How could I not?" you chuckled, stopping when you felt his piercing gaze once more. "You weren't one to notice these kinds of things." Damn, you forgot about that. "I suppose I'm catching a glimpse of the more beautiful things in life." He gazed at the flowers and then at you. He stayed like that for a few seconds. "I suppose I am too," Cedric responded and you gave him an awkward smile, and once more, there was now uneasy silence.

As you glanced sideways, a cluster of vibrant daffodils caught your attention. You weren't lying when you said that the sight of the flowers was beautiful, especially against the environment of spring.

“The King is planning to hold a grand ball,” Cedric spoke up, choosing to break the silence, which came across as out of character for him. “Is that so?” You answered back with a hum, crossing your legs. “You will attend, of course. It would be unseemly for the Duchess to absent herself from such an important event.”

Right, the villainess was known for skipping out on balls that she thought held no interest for her. And when she did go, she’d always somehow be the center of attention, in considerably nasty ways.

Now that you recall, in the novel, the princess was exceptionally skilled and was able to learn etiquette at a fast pace, but since she was raised as a commoner she didn't know how to read or write, which caused her to stay for longer. Thus Cedric stepped in to help her, and she was able to learn quickly as well, which caught his attention more and made him develop deeper feelings of curiosity. Since the kingdom did not know yet of the princess's existence he decided to organize a ball to introduce his heir to the throne, which would also be her coming-of-age ceremony.

“Is there a specific reason for the decision?” You questioned him, seeking closure if your suspicions were correct. Your eagerness to continue the conversation appears to please him.

“The Princess has learned sufficiently.” He explained, earning a look from you, intrigued. He held a subtle smile when you did. “His Majesty has made the decision to ultimately make it known of his heir, it is also the Princess’s coming of age as well. He has sent us an invitation to attend.” So you were right. When he concluded his words, he handed you the invitation, which you snatched quickly. It held a golden lion engraved on its side, confirmation that it was sent from the royal household.

The grand ball exists as a monumental scene from the novel, that’s where the villainess tosses wine on the princess’s gown because Cedric asked her to dance instead of the villainess. When questioned, she cried out that the princess was a harlot who sought to steal her husband. Which resulted in Cedric lashing out at the villainess and taking the teary-eyed heroine to the royal garden. This is where they have a moment to exchange their feelings in silence, when the cold-hearted duke finally learns to trust another.

“When is it taking place?” You questioned, switching your stare from the invitation to him, placing the envelope on the table. “In three days.” He simply said, resting his cheek on his hand.

Your eyes widened, In three days? It’s only been a week. In that time the princess hasn't even learned how to read, let alone write. Cedric noticed your reluctance to speak, “Is that a problem?” He questioned, raising an eyebrow. “No, not at all. Just a bit surprised is all.” “Why so surprised?” Why so many questions? You mentally scowled. “It’s only been a week since the princess has been staying in the dukedom, yet she's already leaving.”

It’s just too sudden, you don't think you're mentally prepared. Maybe you could call in sick? Knowing Cedric he’ll probably call a thousand physicians and when he finds out you were lying he’ll put you on probation in the same ways he did to the villainess, or even worse, execute you for daring to disrespect him.

“I am the one who recommended the king to do it as momentarily as possible.” So you can cut off my head sooner?! “May I ask why you suggested that?” You asked sincerely, holding the ball in two days means that the princess will leave earlier than intended. That's not supposed to happen.

Some really important scenes were supposed to happen before the ball. The random count who was trying to court the female lead hasn't been introduced, which means he hasn't had confusing feelings of jealousy yet. That's why he asked the princess for a dance at the ball instead of the villainess. Or the slip-and-catch trope where she slipped while walking and landed on his massive chest creating unresolved tension for 3 whole pages.

Could it be that the plot is moving on faster than intended? Or not even happening at all?

He gazed at you with a blank stare for a moment without uttering a word. His expression became murky as he crossed his arms and leaned his head back onto the chair. “No particular reason.”

“Why? Are you jealous?” He questioned with a tilt of his head, his gaze boring into you. You deadpanned.

"What? No, of course not. Why would I be?" you replied bluntly. “It brings me joy that the princess has been able to learn quickly actually.” You smiled, “She must be a very clever lady.” Too clever, can't she slow it down a bit? You're trying to get you both a happy ending.

“You haven't met her, yet you are here praising her.” The furrowed eyebrows he had caught your attention. “Is there a problem with me complimenting the princess?” In the novel, Cedric is a very jealous man. But does he really feel jealous of another woman complimenting the female lead too? Weirdo.

“No, forget I said anything.” Gladly. And for the third time, again, silence. But it was for the better, you didn't want to speak for longer than you had to. This conversation was long enough for you to ignore him for about two weeks, it's draining to speak in such a royal matter, you always confuse your words.

But it made you anxious, the silence. Almost like he was scheming something, planning your execution right in front of you without your knowledge. What you would give just to have a look inside his mind, to know what he's pondering. Couldn't the villainess have powers? They debuffed her character just for the protagonist's plot armor.

Cedric was about to speak, but he was interrupted by the opening gates of the garden, which you assumed were the maids bringing out the newly brewed tea. "Thank you for the tea," You declared, making yourself more comfortable in the seat. "You're free to excuse yourself." You added, then changed your gaze to look at the person in front of you.

“Your Grace,” the maid bowed, her voice trembling slightly, a tray of tea resting in her hands. “Princess Annabeth has arrived. She has brewed you both some tea.”

Your eyes widened at the sight before you, the lady in front of you was in fact, a maid as you thought it had been, but she was accompanied by another. “Your Highness.” Spoke out Cedric, his stare now fully concentrated on the girl. “Good evening, Your Grace.” The young girl said with a radiant smile, the dimples on her cheek in full view. Her golden curls lay neatly on her face, confirming that she was the king's daughter since blonde hair was a sign of royal blood. Her emerald eyes looked directly at Cedric, and your eyes looked directly at her. The descriptions of her beauty in the novel were not exaggerated in the slightest.

Thump.

Grabbing onto your chest, you suddenly felt a familiar pang of jealousy. It was the same jealousy she had felt in the novel, shit. This must be the villainess's body reacting to her presence. You took a deep breath and tried to control yourself. This body had reactions that you couldn't control at all, when you reincarnated it didn't just come with her looks, it came with everything intact. Causing you to have out-of-control emotions, her emotions. This could be difficult to manage.

The female lead, Annabeth, was right in front of you, her hands behind her back. She looked like a young teenager, which made you remember that in the story she had just turned 18.

"I appreciate your help, Belda. You may excuse yourself," Annabeth said to the maid, whom you now know as Belda. “Of course.” She nodded, placing the tray on the table. Then made her way out of the room, closing the door with a bang, leaving the three of you alone. Cedric spoke up, not wasting a moment of silence.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were practicing your writing, as I had told you to do.” his words made Annabeth chuckle. You saw her tuck a curl behind her ear, placing her hands behind her back. “It’s my break time from practicing so that I can regain my focus,” She paused, slightly glancing at you. “In the meantime, I wanted for you two to try my new blend of tea.” She admitted, shifting her gaze from you to Cedric. Her eyes widened.

“I’m sorry, did I interrupt something? I can leave.” Annabeth said as she exchanged stares with the both of you. Cedric instantly spoke up, “Yes, actu—” Getting to your feet, you left his words unfinished, “Of course not, would you like to join us?” He looked at you with widened eyes, furrowing his eyebrows. ”I'm sure the princess has more significant things to do than tea.” He said it to you, but he was probably directing it to the princess as well. Damn, this slow-burn novel is burning good, too good. Fall in love already!

“She brewed us some tea, it's only natural to let her try some with us. It's proper manners," Cedric clenched his jaw at your words and then sighed. "Fine, as you wish." He ran his hands across his hair with a huff, crossing his arms afterward. Well, that was quick. You didn't even have to repeat it. You sat back down in content and patted the space beside you. His eyes narrowed at your gloved hand. "Take a seat, Your Highness. It's big enough for both of us.”

Annabeth raised her eyebrows, tightening her lips as she stared at the plush that lay below your hand. She looked as if she was lost in thought. “Your Highness?” You called out to her, which snapped her out of whatever thought she was in. “My apologies, yes, I'll sit. Thank you.” She gave a warm enigmatic smile. You squinted your eyes as a sudden radiant glow beamed around her. Damn, why is it so bright! She only just smiled!

“It’s no worries, no need to thank me.” You returned the smile, which resulted in a scoff from a neglected Cedric. Is he jealous or just annoyed? Maybe the plot is on its course after all, just differently.

“Allow me to serve you the tea I've brewed, my father sent me these tea leaves.” She said as she grabbed the teapot, standing up and pouring the tea for the three of you. Your cup being the last she poured. “I hope it’s to your liking.” She said with a smile directed at you. Cedric sneered and grabbed his cup, taking a sip, and so did you.

“Too sweet.” “It’s pretty good.” You and Cedric both looked at each other. It wasn’t a lie, the tea was good, just made your throat a bit itchy.

“I thought you weren't fawn of such sweet things.” He commented with a stern look, you gulped. “Change of heart?” You chuckle nervously. Damn, you forgot the villainess hated sweet things.

Annabeth covered her mouth and laughed, “Guess I put too much lemon verbena.” Cedric's eyes widen and he snatches your cup, throwing it on the ground. It shatters from the impact. You both look at him in shock and he slams his hands on the table, glaring at Annabeth. “What’s wrong, Your Grace?” She asked with furrowed brows, fidgeting with her hands.

“Are you trying to kill my wife?” Annabeth’s eyes widen and she looks at you, and then at him. “Wh-What do you mean? I would nev—” “Don’t lie to me!” He cuts her off, standing up abruptly, making her flinch.

“Cedric!” You called out, standing up and putting your hand in front of the princess, blocking her from him. He stares at you and raises his eyebrow, you see him gulp. “What do you mean kill me?” “How could you not—” He stops himself, staring at Annabeth and then at you. He grabs your wrist and with no word drags you out of the garden, leaving Annabeth behind. You try to object but to no avail. You look back for a split second to see the princess teary-eyed, and then the gates closed.

“Your Grace!” You call out to him, pulling your arm back from him, you two are already far from the garden. He turns around, “We need to get the doctor, quit resisting!” You cleared your throat, the itchiness of your throat was getting worse.

“Doctor? Why would I need a doct—” Before you finished, you suddenly got a pounding headache, making you wince and trip towards Cedric's chest. Now that you realize it, ever since you drank that tea you have been having difficulty breathing. You wheezed, your throat suddenly feeling much tighter than before. He grabbed your shoulders and you vaguely heard him yell something to the maids who were positioned outside. Resulting in them running to your side with terrified glances.

Your vision was getting blurry and you were sweating bullets. The hands that were on your shoulder gripped harder, making you wince. Your eyes were starting to get watery and itchy, you decided to close them to ease the pain for a bit.

And then there was silence.

from, your admirer

tags: @ohnoivefallen @julietdelamare @scotchhopin

credits:

neutral heart + star divider made by @cafekitsune

[anthonyed]

tony being the eccenterically dramatic piece of mess in a relationship sometimes auto assigns him as the one who loves the most out of the two (at least, monogamy has been the way of his life up until, well, now)

there was a question about that when he got involved with pepper but he threw all arguments off track when he left her for her best - at least pepper endorses his actions as such and seems to be pretty much in peace with that decision so tony kinda rides with that sentiment too

he loves pepper so much to keep giving her heart attacks over his radical choices in battle fields so he left her for her peace. et voila

happy looks at him funny ever since but that's just - well, that's not something so earth shatteringly unusual for him to start questioning, especially when pepper got happy in said divorce

point is, he thinks he's the matryr, the ultimate sacrificial lamb and the person who carves out the largest section of his heart for his lovers until he stood in front of steve and steve said no

well, not as much verbally as much as he put his foot down and dragged tony to his bed, closed the blinds and when tony woke up 15hours later and well rested, steve brought a tray of breakfast in bed, sat silently until tony finishef everything and asked, "still wanna break up with me?"

because steve is a fighter and he thinks tony is worth fighting for

"i love you," he told tony aplenty. "unless you don't love me anymore and would like to end this relationship because you got tired of it and not because you think i got tired or scared or whatever you assume i am feeling for you - i want you to stop trying to write us of."

"because i won't" steve said. "i will never write us off."

so it outright stumps tony when he dropped the shield and tony, picked bucky barnes and walked out of that bunke without ever looking back

"should i assume or not, now?" he snorts, lips pressed tight as his fingers leave imprints on the letter steve wrote him

he wonders - sat in steve's office on steve's chair behind steve's desk where steve had fucked tony once past midnight after a heat of a fight and he wonders if this is steve writing them off

because for once, with steve, tony truly believed that steve loved him more than tony loved steve

because when steve used to hold him so tight in the night as if the slightest space between their bodies will physically break him, tony thought, how could i ever leave him

and because when steve remembered every event on tony's calender and what he likes to eat and what not and every bit of his quirk and even more miniscule things tony was used to bypass as peeves that can be tolerated with a little more ounce of strong will, tony truly believed that steve cared for him unlike anyone ever did or can ever do

well, jokes on him cause steve could also, evidently, break him like no one ever could

funny, cause tony trusted him so much. funny cause that was the first thing howard and maria drilled into him ; never trust anyone but howard also dug a hole in little tony and planted a seed of inherent faith in captain america and maybe there is a sick correlation between tony's trust for that icon being mistaken as trust for steve and steve is not just an icon, he is a man of his own and, and -

maybe it's tony's own fault but if that's the side of the coin he's committing on, then that would mean tony did a blatant disservice to steve by lying to him that he loved him when he actually loved captain america which is just absurd and insane and every bit wrong because tony loved the steve who sat on his couch with legs spread wide, stubbles on chin, tomato sauce under his lip as he laughed merrily while tony lost on a video game and no captain america can do that

no captain america can beg tony to just please hold it in while he hoisted tony up the wall and rammed into him until he rode his high and when tony complained of his back aching for the next whole month, all he got was a devilish smirk and a loose shrug and no, not the captain america howard told him about would do that

it was all steve rogers.

from his bared legs, and boxers with naked torso, slumped on tony's bed with a sketch pad and smearing charcoal on his leather headboard and sure, tony could easily get rid of that smudge but he still feel something when he looks at it even now, with all of his shattered heart

maybe steve should have gone for the head, break tony's neck in half and just finished it cause that would be more merciful than abundance of memories of steve whispering, sighing, whining, gasping, telling, choking out and moaning i love you into tony's ears

that would just be kind but steve is not kind. he's a fighter who fucking fights even if its dirty because he's here now, stood next to that charcoal smudge on tony's headboard with both of his palms out, arms outstretched and just waiting while tony stands, breathless, choking on his bleeding heart trying to blink past his tears and ask, "what do i do now?"

because the truth is, tony still loves steve and steve once told tony to never assume anything about steve so he's kinda stuck now on that day in that siberian snow, still on his back with broken armour encasing his mundane body, awaiting for steve's next move

[lynyangell]

I Finished It

Y'all.

I had a great personal achievement this morning. I completed my first draft of my first longfic "Oh My Dear"! It's going to be a while still before it's published. There's lots of editing to do. Currently it sits at twenty-seven chapters!

But to celebrate, here's an extra long snippet under the cut!!

Also if you haven't read it, here is the prequel "I'll Keep You Safe" (SFW Version)

And here is the song that inspired the series!

A Hotel Room on the Ishbalan Border, May 1909

His hands are gentle as he cleans the wounds, bandaging them with efficiency. He kisses the nape of her neck.

“I’m so sorry,” he murmurs.

“Don’t.”

She begs him not to apologize, just as she had to beg him for the burns in the first place. 

“Okay. Okay.”

He helps her lower herself onto her side on the hotel bed, and he stretches out next to her, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear.

“So how is this going to work?” Riza whispers.

He sighs.

“Well, I’m being promoted,” he says. “War hero status and all that.”

His smile is bitter and doesn’t reach his eyes.

“Congratulations.”

Her tone is flat. She knows the rank means nothing to him anymore.

“As a lieutenant colonel, I’ll be able to build a team of my own, to request officers I want to work under me.”

She nods, biting her lower lip.

“They told me I’ll be graduating with honors—promoted immediately to lieutenant, second class.”

His eyebrows raise.

“That’s unexpected.”

She nods.

“It’s still not enough of a jump in rank. If I stay in the military…”

“Then don’t,” he says. “Just quit and be my wife.”

She shakes her head.

“You’re going to be climbing the ranks, working in politics. You want me to be a military wife? To go to charity events, socials? Organize a garden club? That’s not me, and you know it.”

After the crimes she’s committed, she has to try to do more to make up for them, to be more. 

“Then be a different kind of military wife. Just be with me.”

“I owe two years of service, no matter what. Even if I quit after that, what do we do for those two years?”

He sighs.

“I can have the records buried,” he says quietly. “Hughes can help—they’re putting him in Investigations. It’s just a local courthouse. Since you lied on your application, nobody has to know the truth. There won’t be any official record of divorce, we’ll just—”

“Divorce?”

She tries to sit up, but her back aches, and she hisses in pain.

“Easy,” he grumbles, placing a hand on her shoulder until she settles. 

“I don’t want to be divorced,” she murmurs, and he closes his eyes.

“Of course you do,” he says bitterly. “After what I’ve done out here? How could you not want to be rid of me?”

“As though I’m any better?” she shoots back.

They stare at each other for a long moment, tense. Finally, she breaks the silence.

“No matter what, the records have to be buried,” she says. “Otherwise, I’ll be court-martialed for lying on the academy application, and that will reflect negatively on you.”

He nods, and Riza continues.

“But does that have to mean a divorce?”

“It means we were never actually married,” he says, shrugging. “Not on paper.”

“Is that how you feel, though? Like it never happened?” she whispers.

“You know it isn’t.”

Roy traces her cheekbone with his thumb, and she leans into his touch.

“What else can we do, though?”

“I’m sorry I got us into this mess,” she mutters. “I just—”

“It’s not like I gave you much choice,” he soothes. “To just stop writing like that. It wasn’t fair to you. I don’t blame you for trying to find me. I’d have done the same thing.”

After their marriage, she moved to Central with him and stayed with Christmas while Roy earned his State Alchemist’s license and went off to war, filled with youthful idealism about protecting his country and the people he loved.

He’d been quickly disillusioned on the battlefield. At first, he wrote to her, but she’d been able to tell almost at once the letters were full of lies—false optimism and stupid stories about the other soldiers in his unit. 

When the letters stopped altogether, she’d been desperate. His name didn’t appear on casualty lists. Nobody at Central Headquarters had cared about the complaints of one lonely young wife in the midst of a war, and all her requests for information were ignored.

Christmas had helped her with a fake identification card, and she’d enrolled in Central Military Academy under the name “Riza Hawkeye”, though her legal name was “Elizabeth Mustang”. A soldier’s wife would never have been allowed to enlist, and she’d been unable to think of any other way to find him. She’d waited long enough.

“So you serve out your two years,” he says. “And maybe after that…”

“I don’t want to be separated for two years.”

They’re not okay, either one of them. She’s not sure how they’ll survive the aftermath of this war if they’re forced to be apart. His new ambitions are the only thing that keep them both breathing, the only thing they can work towards to try to outrun their sins.

“We don’t even know where you’ll be stationed,” he says grimly. “I’ll be in East City, but they haven’t told you, right?”

She shakes her head, then narrows her eyes.

“You said you’ll get to build your own team?” 

He nods.

“What if you put me on it?”

“Why on earth would I do that?”

“Because that would ensure I end up in East City.”

“Yeah, but we still couldn’t be together. It’s worse if you’re my subordinate.”

“I could help you, though,” she says quietly. “If I were part of your team, I could work with you. I could be your bodyguard, even, your adjutant. We work well together, Roy. We always have.”

“Honey, I’m not going to deny you’d be brilliant,” he says. “But I don’t see how that helps us if you don’t want to be divorced.”

She frowns, biting at her lower lip.

“We could keep it a secret,” she says quietly. 

He takes in a quick breath.

“That’s…a very bad idea.”

“I know.”

“If we were found out, both our careers would be ruined. We could go to prison for that, Riza.”

“I know.”

“We’d have to be so careful. We couldn’t live together. We’d have to be… it would be so hard to be around you in an office all day, every day and know that you’re my wife, but you’re… not?”

“Only I would still be your wife. I am your wife. We promised forever, Roy.”

“I know that,” he says. “I meant it.”

“So did I.”

“So what… we stay married but not married? And we work together, but we don’t actually get to be together? How does that—”

“We can be together,” she says. “We just have to be careful about it.”

A ghost of a smile crosses his face.

“You’re saying we’d just have to… sneak around? Like having an affair but with each other?”

She nods.

“Chris would help us. We could meet at the bar on weekends off.”

“We’ll work together as superior and subordinate all week, then be together as man and wife all weekend?”

“I mean, probably not every weekend.”

“I love it,” he says with a chuckle. “It’s a terrible idea, but I love it. And I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

[ellethespaceunicorn]

Something Old, Something New

Title: Something Old, Something New

Rating: Explicit, 18+, Minors - DNI

Pairing: Nick Fowler x Reader

Fandom: The 355

Word Count: 9.5K (whoopsie)

Summary: Your childhood best friend invites you to your old vacation spot for her wedding, and you have been catching up with your first crush: her recently divorced big brother Nick.

Warnings: infidelity, divorce, recreational drug use (marijuana), drinking, mutual pining, pet names (Gumdrop, baby), praise kink, cunnilingus, unprotected p-in-v sex, mention of bodily fluids (creampie), public sex, if I forgot anything please tell me

A/N1: My tiles for @thebasementspouses VOTM Nick Fowler BINGO were: divorced, best friend’s brother, writer’s choice(prompt #802 from @creativepromptsforwriting), drunken confession, public sex. BINGO card at end of story.

A/N2: I have been working on this story for weeks and I really hope I have done the Nick Fowler fandom justice. It's my first time, and hopefully not the last time, writing for Nick. I thoroughly enjoyed writing him. Unbeta’d, we die like people who tried their best. 

Dividers by: @firefly-graphics

Support/Reblog banner by me

Cover Art by me

My Masterlist

Three Months Ago

The cardstock was rigid in your hands, the envelope discarded seconds ago. The confetti in the envelope litters around your Chucks as you bring your attention to the words embossed upon the invitation. You had been waiting for this day ever since you received the Save the Date announcement.

You ran your finger over the pretty lettering, its raised borders were a nice tactile touch. The peaceful pink, whispered white, and mellow merlot of the flowers against a hint of golden accents was a beautiful choice. Not too feminine, nor too masculine.

Turning the invitation over, you found more information. 

‘Accommodations will be completely covered for your 8-night stay at The Ocracoke Harbor Inn by the family of the Bride. You will be staying in the fully-furnished Treasure Chest Cottage. Amenities include full-service linens, complimentary wireless Internet, and guest boat docking. Guests have access to a sound-side beach. Password for WI-FI given upon check-in. Nonsmoking, no pets.’

Leave it to the Fowlers to go nuts and rent out the entire inn for their only daughter’s wedding, you thought to yourself. You were not surprised at all, growing up as a rich girl’s best friend had its perks.

As if on cue, your phone started to play the opening notes of Losing You by Solange to signal an incoming call. Pulling your phone out, you smiled seeing Deanne’s name. You clicked Accept and raised the phone to your ear.

“Hello to the future Mrs. Alexander!” Your cheery demeanor not letting on how jealous you were of your friend’s impending nuptials.

Euphonious laughter rings through the earpiece and you can’t help but join in.

“Girl, can you believe it? I am about to tie the knot, be off the market, and settle down. I’m only 12% nervous about everything so I’m doing great,” she snorted, and suddenly you were a bit less jealous if this kind of anxiety is what she had to deal with, “Anyway, um, I was giving you a call because I wanted to ask if you got your invitation and I also wanted to see if I could save myself time in waiting for your R.S.V.P. and bug and pester you until you agree to let my parents pay for you to come spend a week with us and come to my wedding and–”

“Deanne! Stop with the run-on sentence, doll. Did you think I was gonna pass up this opportunity? God, I love that you chose Ocracoke as your wedding destination. So many vacations were spent getting into all kinds of trouble,” you recalled, images of splashing in the water as kids and lounging on the beach as teens replayed in your mind.

“Yeah. Hey, when we were little girls planning our dream weddings, I was serious when I said I wanted it on the beach on Ocracoke Island. But not in the summer because of bugs and heat, but in the winter so we get that beautiful off-season fresh air,” Deanne mused.

“Dee, it’s gonna be gorgeous. I cannot wait to see you in your stunning dress walking down that aisle. Just know that since I am your oldest friend, you pretty much owe me the bouquet,” you laughed, only half-joking.

“As far as I’m concerned, it’s already yours,” she bantered, clearing her throat before speaking again, “So, I also called because I wanted to vent a little, if that’s okay?”

“It’s always okay. You doing alright?” you asked, now worried that your friend was in trouble.

“Yeah, no, I’m fine. I have an update on Nick and Tori, though,” she paused, allowing your mind to wander.

The mention of your first crush’s name sent a shiver down your back. Many a moment had been wasted thinking about his pretty smile and grayish-blue eyes. You’d liked Nick before you knew you even liked boys. He was the heartthrob that trumped every teen dream of every other girl in America’s heart. In your mind, he was the closest to perfect you could imagine. 

You responded, “Oh?”

“So, their divorce is finalized. My big brother is officially a divorcé. I would have thought that a man who was with someone for so long might be partying it up right now. But he says he’s focusing on work and, I don’t know. I just want him to be happy. And like, he’s getting divorced as I’m getting married and it feels so weird. It doesn’t seem fair,” she lamented.

“Dee, come on. You know Nicky wouldn’t want you to think like that. He loves you. You’re his favorite sibling,” you jested, trying to lighten the mood.

“Ha ha. I’m his only sibling. I better be his favorite,” Dee chuckled, happy to be distracted, “So that brings me to you, Miss Missy. Last I heard, you were dating some engineer guy? Do I get to meet him soon?”

You inwardly cringed, hopes dashed of being able to avoid the topic of your relationship status. Things with Curtis kind of fizzled out when you found his tongue down an intern’s throat. You had been bringing him dinner since he’d complained about the late nights at the office.

Turns out he was hungry for more than your baked ziti. 

You explained all this to Dee, remembering the look on Curtis’ face when you poured the prepared food into his lap. He was so shook, it was beautiful.

“I didn’t want to waste all that food but he looked wonderful with my pasta all over his shirt and pants. He honestly deserved it. It was his favorite shirt too. I hope those stains never come out,” you huffed, feeling like you were right back in that office again.

“I have never been so proud of you. I wish I could put hot sauce in his underwear for hurting my girl. I’m sure if I just had a few minutes, I could come up with something more diabolical than that. But it’s what I have at a moment’s notice,” she retorted.

One thing you could always count on Dee for? Getting angry for you and using her beautiful and educated mind to come up with some way to make the person who slighted you pay for their misdeeds. It was both adorable and super embarrassing to have her tiny frame looking up into some bully’s face pointing her finger at them.

“Well, I appreciate your offer, but he is so not worth the energy. You have much better things to think about, like your wedding day. This is your cue to stop worrying about me, Dee,” you advised, a stern tone coloring your words.

“Fine, I will stop worrying about you out loud. You got it, girl. Anyway, I won’t hold you. Talk soon, ok? I miss you,” she said, and you could envision her getting bleary-eyed.

“I miss you too, Dee. We’ll get together soon, I promise,” you sighed, feeling guilty for letting your friendship dwindle over the years.

“I’ll hold you to it. Bye, babe,” she hummed.

“Bye.” You hang up the phone and close your eyes. Visions of what Dee will look like in her wedding dress cloud your thoughts. Little snippets of grayish-blue eyes and dark brown hair seep in and you can almost hear his laugh again. You open your eyes, blinking away the mental images that brought you joy for a moment.

‘This is fine,’ you thought to yourself. Yeah, totally. You’re only going to see your best friend from childhood get married, effectively ending your childhood with a pretty bow on top. You also were only going to be with the biggest crush you ever had for like, an entire week. 

And he’s single. 

And probably needy. 

And...you had better get your jaw up off the floor if you were going to get anything done.

Three months is enough time to get your brain, your body, and your emotions in check before you make a fool out of yourself in front of your second family.

Right?

January 20th, 2024 – Day One

Standing on the deck of the Hatteras Ferry, you watch as Ocracoke Island comes into view. The sun is at its highest and you are thankful for your sunglasses shielding the the bright sunlight bouncing off the crystal clear waters. You can taste the salty air and you are instantly transported to memories of running around the decks of this ferry with Deanne and Nick while your mothers tried in vain to wrangle you all.

The island comes into view and you search the docks for a familiar face. Dee promised to meet you at the docks, but when you approach them she is nowhere to be found. You pull your luggage behind you as your shoulder bag decides to slide off.

Before it can hit the ground, it’s caught by the strap by a strong hand at the same time you reach out to grab it. You thank the kind stranger as you both stand to your full height and you are face-to-face with a grown-ass Nicholas Fowler. He says something and you don’t hear hide nor hair of what the hell he just said, you look at him and break into a smile and he chuckles and speaks again.

“I hope you don’t mind Dee got me to pick you up. She had some wedding stuff to do. I wasn’t listening,” he explains, adjusting his sunglasses and putting your bag on his shoulder. He gestures over to his black Lamborghini Urus. 

Once you walk over, he puts your shoulder bag in the back seat. You step closer to him to hand him your rolling luggage. You are mesmerized as his strong forearms flex when he puts everything in the SUV. 

You clear your throat and look around when he looks back at you, catching you watching him. He closes the back door and guides you to the passenger side, opening your door for you.

“Oh, you’re a full-service driver today, huh?” you joke, stepping past him. Your platform espadrilles clacking on the asphalt. Adjusting your strapless sundress, you climb in.

“Whatever service you require, Gumdrop,” he replies with a smile, making sure you are comfortable before closing your door.

That fucking nickname… He would call you gumdrop instead of your name more often than not. That’s all, he didn’t mean anything by it, right?

When you are both buckled in, you start the drive across the island. Comfortable conversation is easy between you two. It’s like you fall back into a safe space with him. You talk about old vacations, funny moments, and what you both are up to these days. Neither of you mentions either of your failed relationships and you can’t keep the smile off of your face.

“Hey, we still have an hour until check-in. You wanna grab a bite or go to the beach or something?” he suggests.

“Are you sure they’re not waiting for us?” you counter, wondering if it’s a good idea to have a little moment with Nick all to yourself.

“I’d rather ask for forgiveness than permission. No pressure, just a suggestion,” he presses, taking a second to look over at you and smile that smile that has had you in a chokehold most of your life.

After thinking about it for all of five seconds, you agree to have lunch at Plum Pointe Kitchen. You enjoy a generous helping of Drunken Chicken nachos while Nick gets the VooDoo Shrimp PO’Boy. You share half of your meal, and Nick refuses to let you pay for anything.

Making your way to the Ocracoke Harbor Inn after lunch, you finally meet up with everyone. Dee is in mid-conversation with someone when she sees you and Nick pull up into the parking lot. She walks over to you and pulls you into a very tight embrace. It’s like everything was chaos before you got here.

“Oh my goodness, I am so glad you are here. How was the trip? Did you eat? Did Nick bore you? I’m sorry that I couldn’t come and meet you, but we had a little mishap with the reservation for the hotel and then I thought I left my wedding dress at home, and then we–”

You cut off Dee before she can work herself into a frenzy again, “Dee! Breathe. You’re gonna be fine, I promise. And is that Matthew? Introduce me already, would you?” you encourage, trying to get your friend’s mind off of the previous debacle and onto the man walking over.

Dee introduces you to Matthew and he charms you with the way he dotes on Dee. He seems like the type to be able to handle her rambling and intense emotions. How he looks at her while she speaks makes you miss having someone look at you like that.

“Well, it’s just about 3 o’clock now. Let’s get checked in and settled, then we can get together later?” Matthew chimes in.

“Sounds good,” Nick agrees, turning to you, “Go ahead and leave your stuff in my car. I’ll take you to your cottage after we are all checked in.” You nod, trying to hide your excitement. 

Once you are done with the receptionist, you get your key and the wifi password to your cottage. While waiting for everyone else to get done, you fiddle on your phone until Nick’s shadow looms over you. Looking up, you are greeted with his eyes no longer shielded by his sunglasses in the dim lobby.

“You ready, Gumdrop? We still have some time before Mom and Dad show up. And I think I remember Dee saying she would call when she was ready to go out,” he concludes, putting his hands in his pockets and rocking on his heels.

If you didn’t know any better, you’d think he was nervous about something. But you don’t push.

“All set,” you say, smiling up at him feeling bold enough to wrap your arm around his while you walk out of the lobby.

Dee shouts after you to behave yourselves and tense up a bit while Nick chuckles, seemingly amused by his sister’s thinly veiled comment on two single adults being close. Damn them.

Nick opens the passenger side door for you again, closing it once you are safely inside. He drives to the Margaritaville Cottage where he will stay with his parents during the trip. He instructs you to stay in the car while he just drops his bags off and is back outside in a few minutes.

The next stop is your cottage, called the Treasure Chest. You snicker at the name, thinking it sounded more like a pirate-themed strip joint. When Nick asks what you’re laughing about, you tell him your thoughts on the name of where you are staying. The slow smile that spreads on his face makes you involuntarily clench your thighs, wondering what his days-old stubble would feel like between your legs.

He tilts his head just slightly at you, then turns back to the road, smile still intact. Luckily the drive is short as the cottages are fairly close to one another. Nick parks in the driveway and you both get out and stretch your legs. He comes around and grabs your shoulder bag and luggage, motioning for you to lead the way.

Walking up the steps to the door, you unlock it and are welcomed by the scent of fresh linen. The central air of the cottage is just this side of perfect and you drop your purse on the dining room table. Turning around, you see Nick walking into a room off of the living room.

“Holy shit, you got a King-sized bed,” he shouts from the bedroom.

Walking in, you sit at the foot of the bed next to Nick and start to untie your shoes. He follows suit and turns to you biting his lip, a question at the tip of his tongue.

Facing him, you ask, “What? Do I have something on my face?” 

“No. I, uh...I’m surprised you haven’t asked yet,” he notes. At your confusion, he holds up his left ring finger. A band of untanned skin around the base clues you in that he’s talking about his divorce.

“Nicky, I would never make you talk about it. It can’t be easy in that situation. I mean, I only broke up with Curtis a few months ago and we were only together for six months. I couldn’t imagine how a divorce feels after how long you and Tori were together,” you insist, placing a hand on his knee.

He covers your hand with his and nods. “Mom and Dad are pretty good about it. They don’t ask me how I’m doing with that sad look in their eyes anymore. But Dee? Jesus, when I told her about the incident, she was out for blood. I had to end up calming her down. All because someone broke her big bro’s heart. Love her, but she can get a little carried away,” he finishes.

“This is not to make you feel like you need to share, but you mentioned “the incident” and now I’m curious. Feel free to tell me to shut the fuck up. But I caught Curtis with his tongue down another woman’s throat. I don’t know for sure how long it had been going on or if they had done anything else together, but I knew at that moment that I was done. I am worth more than that. And so are you, Nicky,” you encourage, feeling a bit of weight lift off your shoulders after finally talking about your breakup.

“My situation was similar. Tori had been cheating on me for the last two years of our marriage with her boss. I had a feeling something was up, just didn’t want to believe it was something like this,” he reveals, continuing, “But I am moving on, so to speak. I’m not holding out anymore for her to come crawling back to me with a sad story and all that. Even though I hope that she falls in a sinkhole.”

You both laugh and continue talking, taking your minds off of your breakups. You reminisce about all of the times you’ve stayed on the island during vacations. You giggle over dumb stories of you all as teens in high school, hiding weed from your parents and drinking on the beach til it was time to sneak back into the hotel.

You get an idea and you tell Nick to give you a minute before you go back into the living room to retrieve your purse. Coming back into the bedroom, you pull out a vape pen and wiggle it in front of Nick’s face, a devilish smirk on your lips.

“We’ll just take one hit each and we will be fine. Just a bit more mellow,” you offer, pulling him to the balcony off of the living room. You each occupy a wicker chair and you hand over the device.

“Gumdrop, you little devil,” he takes the pen from you and inhales, closing his eyes and holding the smoke in his lungs before letting it out. The smoke dissipates quickly and you can see the weight lift off of his shoulders. Handing it back to you, he exhales loudly and leans back in his chair.

Putting the tip in your mouth, you hit the button and inhale. Warm vapor fills you and you release the button, holding in the smoke for a beat and then letting it out toward the sky. You put the pen down on the table between you and fold your legs under you, letting your dress cascade down.

Sitting in companionable silence with Nick feels great. Neither of you feels the need to talk while you listen to the sounds of nature around you. People walking around the cottages, cars driving by, and the distant waves from Pamlico Sound make you wish you had gone to the beach earlier.

“Fuck, that was only one hit and I feel like my bones are made of jelly,” you remark, swaying to a song that isn’t playing with your eyes closed.

Nick looks over to you and smiles, “Must be jelly ‘cause jam don’t shake like that.”

You open your eyes and turn to him, your mouth twitches before you break out into uncontrollable laughter. Nick soon follows and you both are taken over by the giggles. You settle down soon enough, still feeling the buzzing calmness of being high.

“The world needs more people like you,” you beam.

“Nah, I like being unique,” he replies, his phone chiming. Picking up a video call from Dee, “Hey Sis.”

“Hey, me and Matt were gonna go for dinner and drinks, you in?” she asks.

“Yeah, that sounds...good,” Nick answers for himself while looking at you to get your answer.

“Ok, well get ready and meet us at Oyster Company. And tell my best friend that she is coming, no ifs, ands, or buts. See you both soon!” With that, she ends the call.

“So...our decision has been made for us. Do you need to change or anything?” Nick wonders, gesturing to your traveling attire.

“If I take this dress off, I am not going out. Besides, I like this dress. I think I look positively adorable. But I will change my shoes to something more comfortable,” you finish before Nick can comment on how he also likes your dress. You pick up the vape pen, make your way back to your luggage, and pull out some flat sandals.

Once you are ready, you make your way back outside and are surprised to see Dee and Matt parked on the street outside of your cottage. “We decided to pick you up. Matt is DD tonight, so we can all get a little loosey-goosey. Plus, I can always tell when Nick is high, so get in losers!”

Nick snorts, and you are mortified to be found out, but you quickly get over it once you are in the backseat of Matt’s Audi Q4. The short ride to the restaurant was spent with Nick’s left leg brushing against your right leg. He was either manspreading or he wanted to touch you and wanted to keep it under the radar.

Either way, you were excited to feel his warmth next to you.

When you make it to the restaurant, you sit at a high table and it almost feels like a double date. Especially when your waitress congratulates Dee and Matt on their wedding while remarking that you and Nick make a cute couple as well. Your face warms up and you suddenly feel like every eye is on you. 

Nick comes to your rescue, answering the waitress with a smile, “My girl’s a bit shy, is all. Can we get a pitcher of beer for the table to start? And also two shots of Crown Royal Vanilla for me and the little lady. Thanks.”

If it was possible, you would have melted through the floor and evaporated, but instead, you just hide behind the menu until Nick pokes his head in.

“That wasn’t to embarrass you, I swear. But I got nervous that she was gonna try and flirt with me, so I dragged you under the proverbial bus with me,” he admits, his lopsided smile only making you want him more.

“Fine. You’ll just have to make it up to me,” you warn, a devious grin appearing on your face. 

You put down your menu just as the waitress comes back with the drinks. Taking both shots, you hand one to Nick. Staring in each other’s eyes, you clink your shot glasses and then tap them on the table before taking the shot. The sweet burn of the liquor warms you from within while Nick’s eyes on you melt whatever nerves you had previously.

A cleared throat breaks your trance, your focus changing from Nick to Dee.

“I talked to Mom and Dad and they won’t get here ‘til Friday afternoon with the rest of the guests. Dad said he had a few things to take care of and not to worry. Of course, I worry tenfold because he told me not to,” Dee interjects, busying herself with pouring beer into her frosted glass.

“Baby, they’ll be here as soon as they can. Don’t you worry your pretty little head about anything,” Matt insists, moving a strand of hair away from Dee’s face before kissing her.

“Promise to keep me occupied?” she requests, a sinful smile on her face.

“I do,” he jokes, clearly proud of himself for making his fiancée blush.

“First of all, how dare you? Secondly, that was almost too cute so watch yourself,” she laughs.

You roll your eyes at the happy couple and smile, going back to looking over the menu. The waitress comes back to the table and takes your orders. Over the meal, you get to know Matt a bit more and you can see how Dee fell in love with him. He’s intelligent, funny, and charismatic. The way he talks about and to her makes you so happy to know your friend found love.

When they turn to talk to each other, you and Nick spark up a conversation about work. He tells you what he can about working for the government, keeping the specific details to himself. You regale him with stories of your time as a freelance writer. You’ve written for dozens of publications, but you just want to get your original works out there for people to enjoy. 

After mentioning a few pieces you wrote for GQ, Nick expressed interest in reading your articles. You try and downplay your skills, but he presses you for the links. Taking out your phone, you realize that you don’t have his number. 

While you exchange digits with Nick, you are too busy to notice Dee casting a sidelong glance and smiling to herself. You ramble on as you send him link after link of some of your favorites. With your face in your phone, you don’t notice the way Nick looks at you with a mix of pride and hunger.

“Well, I am ready to call it a night,” Dee yawns, getting everyone’s attention, “But I could use a nightcap. Who’s up for a trip to the ABC Store? We can make it before they close.”

Everyone agrees and after the check is paid, you all pile into Matt’s SUV for the quick drive to the liquor store. You browse the aisles for a bit by yourself. Filling up your basket with a bottle of wine, some whiskey, and a six-pack of hard seltzers, you surmise that this will sustain you for the week ahead and go in search of the others.

You find Nick in front of the beer cooler, hard at work trying to decide between a 12-pack of Sam Adams’ Cold Snap and Harpoon’s Long Thaw. You suggest he get both and he agrees.

Meeting Dee and Matt up at the front of the store, you stand next to Nick in line and he laughs at the contents of your shopping basket. He puts his beer up for the cashier to scan and has you do the same, paying for your items. 

A little piece of you feels taken care of and you thank him while continuing to tell him he doesn’t have to. He just shushes you and says you can make it up to him later. Before your mind can think about what that might entail, the sale is rung and bagged. Nick picks up the beer and you grab the bag of your things.

Nick asks Matt to just drop him off at your cottage since he left his car there. His cottage is literally next door, but you’re not exactly gonna deny yourself the company. Dee and Matt drive away and you turn back to Nick. You both laugh nervously and you surprise yourself by speaking up.

“So, um. I was gonna have a weed and whiskey moment to myself, but I’d be willing to share if you’re interested,” you hint, watching as he weighs his options. 

“Lead the way, Gumdrop,” he replies.

He follows you in, closing the door behind him. He puts his beer into the fridge along with your hard seltzer. You put the wine on the counter and take out the whiskey while Nick finds two short glasses in the cabinet. Pouring a generous amount in each one, he offers you a drink and you take a sip of the amber liquid. 

Letting the whiskey sit in your mouth, you savor the hints of vanilla and spice. You reach in your purse for your vape pen and take a hit of it before offering it to Nick. Taking a long pull off of the pen, he exhales and you watch as his shoulders relax. You both take another sip of whiskey and revel in the dual flavors of the weed and whiskey.

You take your glass and the bottle, moving onto the patio off of the living room, and sit down in one of the wicker chairs while Nick takes the other. The conversation comes easily enough. Mostly high thoughts and random memories come to mind. After a while, you put on some music and when 6 Underground by Sneaker Pimps comes on, you can’t help but dance in your chair.

Nick stares while you close your eyes and move your hands to the trip-hop classic. You spend the entire song moving to the downtempo beat and enjoying your crossfade. The trance you were under slowly dissipates as the song ends and Pendulum by FKA Twigs starts.

When you open your eyes, Nick is pulling you to stand up. You’re lost as to what he is doing until his hands go to yours, pulling them to rest around his neck while he holds your hips. As the song continues, you follow his slow lead and sway to the intimate and mesmerizing indie hit.

🎶

You're younger than I am broken

I dance feelings like they're spoken

So my conversation's not enough

So lonely trying to be yours

Running through sliding doors

So lonely trying to be yours

When you're looking for so much more

🎶

By the time the song ends, the heat between you is unmistakable. Your hand tangles in his hair when he pulls you impossibly closer. Mere centimeters separate your lips. All you would need is to lean just one step closer and you’d finally get to taste his kiss.

Nick beats you to it and his hands pull your face to his, crashing your lips together. You can’t hold back the moan that escapes your lips and he swallows it adding in his own grunts and groans. Kiss after kiss, you radiate carnality and passion. 

Breaking the kiss, you watch as he licks his puffy bottom lip. You take in a breath of air and prepare to dive back in but Nick voices his thoughts.

“You are gonna be the death of me, Gumdrop,” he sighs, and at your brows furrowing he continues, “You’ve only been back in my life for a day and I’m already thinking of ways to keep you in it. Don’t hate me, but I think we should chill out, just for tonight. I swear, if you still want this by tomorrow night, I am all yours. But you better be all mine. Please, tell me you can wait for me?”

“Tomorrow night and you’re all mine?” you plead, and he nods.

“Less than 24 hours, baby. Show me that these feelings aren’t just from the substances in our system,” he insists, and you wanna fuck him even more now after he says that.

You nod and he speaks up, “Need to hear your words, baby, like a big girl.”

“Fuck...yes, I can wait. I can wait for you, Nicky,” you whimper and he rests his forehead against yours. 

“That’s my good girl,” he praises, lifting his head from yours, “Now, why don’t we call it a night before I go back on my word? You look so good in this dress and I really wanna be good.”

Agreeing with him, you clean up your empty glasses and move the bottle to the counter next to the wine. Nick pulls you into him one last time, snaking a hand down to your ass and grabbing a hefty portion of it before a hardy slap lands on your left cheek. He only snickers at your yelp and nibbles on your bottom lip. 

“Keep that same energy for me because tomorrow I’m not holding back,” he vows, and if you weren’t leaning into him, your legs would’ve surely buckled. If he notices the tremble go through your body, he makes no mention of it and for that you are grateful.

“Goodnight, Nicky,” you hum.

“Sleep tight, Gumdrop. And do me a favor?” he challenges, at your nod he continues, “Save it for me. I’m gonna take care of you tomorrow, so no need to touch that kitty tonight, right?”

You let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding, “Right.”

He leaves and once the door is closed, you lean back against it, your hand going to your neck where your pulse is playing a sick beat against your skin.

Less than 24 hours, you think. You got this.

That night, you dream of grayish-blue eyes and large hands roaming your body.

January 21st, 2024 – Day Two 

You wake just before 10:30 am and are greeted with a good morning text from Nick. He lets you know that he is taking you out, just the two of you. Since Dee and Matt are enjoying a couple’s spa package, he figures it would only be right to hit some of your favorite places on the island.

You are dressed and out the door by noon. Nick takes you to pick up lunch at Taqueria 504 Suazo’s and you drive out to rent a Jeep Gladiator at for a few hours to drive on the beach. One of the best things about this island is that everything is so close. After 5 minutes, you are at your destination. 

Nick drives out a ways past the other people enjoying the off-season and stops about a minute after the last two fishermen you see. Guess he wanted a secluded spot, you think to yourself. While you get the food, Nick grabs the beach chairs and umbrella that he rented. The ocean breeze is agreeable enough, but you are glad that you brought a thin sweater to keep the chill off.

Once you sit down, you hand over Nick’s food and he digs into his burrito while you munch on your fish tacos. When your meal is finished, Nick puts your leftovers in the Gladiator and lets down the truck bed. He beckons you over and helps you sit on the edge and he climbs up and sits next to you while you both look at the water.

“Ya know, the last time we came out here I was just finishing my third year at Virginia Tech. You and Dee were seniors. I remember hoping upon hope that you would apply to VT and I remember you telling me you were accepting a scholarship from Princeton. I just sucked it up and congratulated you. Even though I was hoping you would understand why I wanted you close, I was so proud of you for venturing off on your own. You were always one to go after what you wanted. I just couldn’t stop wanting to be what you wanted,” he confesses, looking off into the water.

“I wanted you, Nicky. Trust me, I did. But I was so afraid that I had a dumb little crush on someone who would never see me as someone other than his little sister’s best friend. The last time I saw you, I thought it was right to push away the idea of you ever having feelings for me. I also may have been afraid of what Dee would say. She’s kind of protective over both of us, ya know?” you finish.

“That girl can be a vicious little thing when she wants to,” he chuckles, shaking his head, “But don’t you think it’s kind of a sign that she had me pick you up from the ferry? And how suddenly today, we have a free schedule to do whatever we want together? I know my sister, and she’s done this before. She matched me up with my high school girlfriend, Beth.”

“Ugh, Beth with the braces and bangs. I used to call her Triple B behind your back. I hated her so much,” you mutter, trying to push the image of them kissing out of your mind.

“Yeah, well. I knew you hated her, but me being an idiot teenager didn’t exactly know that meant you liked me. I just thought you didn’t like her because she was kind of a bitch. She was plenty nice to me, but she could be...a little scary, at times,” he laughs, surprising himself.

“So...you think Dee would be ok with...this?” you say, gesturing between the two of you.

“I just think there is no way she would let us be alone together if she wasn’t halfway hoping it would work out,” he guesses, “Plus, honestly? We’re adults. We’re allowed to go after what makes us happy.”

A slow smile spreads across your face and you pull Nick in for a kiss. You don’t want to jinx it but he makes you happy too. The way he looks at you like you hung the moon, the way he listens to you and asks questions and the way he kisses you? 

It just has to be real.

Packing up your beach equipment, you head back to drop off everything. Getting back into his SUV, you head around the island and view some of the sights. You go shopping and pick up some new knick knacks to take home. Visiting the lighthouse, you take some photos and make sure to bring Dee and Matt here before you leave the island.

Since most of the island’s restaurants are closed on Sundays, you venture to Ocracoke Variety Store and opt for cooking dinner together. After you have all the ingredients you need for a simple fish fry, you head back to your cottage and you and Nick get your hands dirty.

You have him cutting up potatoes for steak fries while you are preparing the batter for the fish. When dinner is ready, you sit at the dining room table with soft music playing in the background. While Nick wanted to take you out for your first date, he could appreciate the quiet setting with just the two of you enjoying each other’s company.

Finishing your meal, Nick takes your hand and kisses your knuckles. You smile and warmth radiates in your cheeks. You hate to admit it, but you wish you had a little liquid courage right now. But the nerves you feel only cement that this is happening.

He pulls you up from your seat, the hunger in his eyes evident from his blown-wide pupils. Leading you into the bedroom, he stops just short of the end of the bed. Standing behind you as you face the bed, he runs his hands down your bare arms and whispers in your ear.

“I cannot wait to take you apart, Gumdrop. But,” he starts, turning you around to face him, “First, I just want to take my time and worship this beautiful body I know you’re hiding from me.”

If he wasn’t holding you up, you would have melted into the carpet. But he’s there with firm hands and a gentle grip. Helping you out of your dress, he lays it on the chair in the corner. Coming back, he admires the white lace bra and panty set that accentuates your body shape.

His lips come back to yours, tasting your desire and wantonness with every kiss. Wrapping an arm around you, he guides you to lay back on the bed while maintaining the liplock. He kisses down your neck and across your collarbone while his hand unclasps your bra and removes it from your body.

Laying a kiss between your breasts draws a quick inhale from you. You can tell he’s proud of himself when he looks up at you while he licks one pert nipple, the other between his thumb and forefinger. He sucks on it as if he could siphon gold from your tits. Switching to the other, he gives it the same attention. 

The noises that come from him as he plays with your breasts are enough to make you shiver. He whimpers when you moan and throw your head back. He groans when he kisses down your belly, stopping to look up at you before he plants a quick kiss upon your covered mound.

He pulls down your panties at such an agonizing speed. Nick has to squeeze his dick through his pants when a string of your wetness stretches from your pussy to your underwear. Spreading your legs apart, he feasts on the view of your lips opening like a flower before him.

He wanted to go slow, he really did. But once he flattens his tongue and licks up from your entrance to your swollen nub, he is mesmerized by the taste of you. He goes back and forth between sucking on your button and lapping up whatever nectar drips from you. You can feel yourself inching toward the finish line, and he is right there to talk you through it.

“Fuck...you taste like Heaven...that’s right, baby...let go and cum for me like a good girl,” he commands between licks and kisses.

You’re nothing if not a good listener and seconds later, your walls are clamping around his fingers. You’ve never cum like this before and it washes over you like a warm waterfall. He removes his fingers from your wet opening and sucks them clean before moving up the bed to kiss you.

Tasting yourself on his tongue, you are beyond turned on. You tug at the hem of his shirt and he sits up to pull it off. Running your hands over his chest, you pull at the button of his pants.

“Use your words,” he urges, his hands stopping yours from moving further.

“Need to feel you, Nick. Please fuck me,” you beg, all thoughts gone from your head.

“There’s my good girl,” he replies, standing up from the bed to undress fully. Climbing back on the bed, he kneels between your legs. He strokes himself slowly, eight inches of uncut cock staring you in the face. He squeezes the base and you can tell he is just as excited as you are.

You crook a finger at him and once again, he is on top of you. With nothing between you, you’re impossibly close and you only want to get closer. Your hand soon finds his erection and he hisses at the contact, groaning when you stroke him.

He leans on one forearm while his other hand guides his tip between your lips, gathering some of your slick before entering you. You both groan loudly once he is fully settled inside you. 

“You good, baby?” he asks, anxious to start moving his hips.

“God, yes. Fuck me, Nicky,” you plead, feeling so full when you arch your back.

Foregoing words, Nick retracts his hips and thrusts into you. The wet squelch as he fucks you is music to your ears, just like the way he tells you how beautiful you are in between kisses. He uses your breasts as handholds while he pummels your snatch.

The way he looks into your eyes while he plunges inside you excites you so much that you don’t even notice when a tear escapes your eye. He kisses it away, trailing his lips to your neck where he sucks at your pulse point. At this point, you couldn't care less about a hickey. You just want to be his.

Your next orgasm surprises you and you squeeze his cock from the inside, coating him in your cream. 

“Good girl, coming all over my fucking dick. Feels so fucking good when you tighten around me like that. You are taking me so well, Gumdrop. Yes. You. Are,” he grunts, punctuating the last three words with deep thrusts inside you.

Flipping you over so you are on top, Nick grabs your hips and you start to ride him. You bounce on his cock like it’s the last time you get to fuck. By the mewls coming from him, you are doing it just right.

You feel another climax on its way, slowly building up in your core. Nick swats your hand away when you go to rub your clit. He licks his thumb and massages your neglected pearl until you are unable to hold it in any longer. The dual stimulation is too much and you gush, soaking Nick’s abdomen and your thighs.

“Oh fuck, baby. Such a good fucking girl for me. You must want my cum inside you with the way you’re...riding my dick. Shit, baby, I’m gonna blow. Where do you want it, baby?” he asks, you reply by doubling down on your hip motions.

“Right there, Nicky. Cum inside me, please,” you implore breathlessly.

“Yes, baby. Gonna cum for you, gonna fill you up so good. Ugh, fuck, here it comes,” he whimpers, his hold on your hips so tight to keep you close to him. 

You feel every twitch of his cock, his muscles pulling taut across his arms and chest as he floods your canal. Your name on his lips as he comes down is a badge of honor. Yes, you did that shit.

He pulls you down to kiss him, shallow thrusts keeping him semi-hard before he pulls out. He lays you down next to him, cuddling you close and kissing your forehead. You start to fall asleep but you can feel Nick moving off the bed. Your hand shoots out to grab for him, but he shushes you.

He goes into the bathroom and you hear the faucet running before he comes out with a wet washcloth. Wiping down your sensitive folds, he takes care of you so well. Putting the washcloth back in the bathroom, he comes back and helps you get under the covers and he snuggles in with you.

With your arms and legs entangled in one another, you drift off peacefully.

January 22nd – January 26th 2024 

The days before the wedding are spent enjoying the island with Nick, Dee, and Matt before the other guests arrive. More than once, Dee has cornered both you and Nick, asking embarrassing questions. You both say nothing, feigning ignorance even though Nick has moved into your cottage over the week, abandoning the cottage that he was supposed to share with his parents.

That being said, once his parents do finally make it to the island, he doesn’t even try and act like he isn’t staying with you. The smile on his father’s face says it all, he approves. His mother is far too preoccupied with getting everyone together for the wedding rehearsal to notice anything. 

That is until she catches you and Nick making heart eyes at each other as you stand in for the Bride and Groom in rehearsal. Yes, it was a bit too soon to be playing Wedding Day with a man whose divorce is less than 100 days old.

But when you know, you know.

At dinner, you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom and you don’t notice Nick following after you. Before you can enter the ladies’ room, a hand on your arm pulls you into the nearby gender-neutral bathroom.

You turn around and are met with hungry eyes before he descends upon you. Turning you around to face the mirror, he puts your hands on the sink and sinks to his knees, his hands roaming under your dress and up your legs until he pulls down your panties. He pulls out his already hard dick and pumps himself a few times before sliding inside you.

“Don’t fucking move, baby. Keep looking at yourself in the mirror, and your hands stay right where they are. You thought you could get away with teasing me in this tight fucking dress,” he breathes, “I want you to watch yourself while I fuck you til you’re dripping for me like the good girl I know you can be.”

When he places his hands on your hips, he begins a steady pace. He watches you in the mirror as your orgasm takes you over without warning. You squeeze him, your walls fluttering and coaxing him to follow you when you cover him in your juices.

But he surprises you when he pulls out and pulls your panties back up. When you turn around to ask why, he only kisses you and whispers in your ear, “I’ll get mine later, don’t you worry.” That only fills you with a little dread, your legs still wobbly as Nick tucks himself away and straightens his outfit. “Can’t have them knowing I just got my dick wet, right baby? See you back out there.” 

He exits the bathroom and leaves you with slick running down your legs and your brain falling out of your ears. And he’s worried about you being the death of him?

You straighten yourself and use the bathroom for its intended purpose. Once back in the banquet hall, you pray to any god who will listen that you don’t look like you just got some dick. You see Nick and Matt in a conversation like he’d been here the whole time. When Dee asks why you look flustered, you lie and say you’re just a bit tired.

Nick overhears you talking to Dee and interjects himself into the conversation, “Why don’t we go get some fresh air? Don’t worry, Sis, I’ll take care of her.” Helping you out of your chair, you both say goodnight to those at dinner.

Nick takes you back to the cottage, pulling you behind him as he walks out onto the balcony. Crashing his lips to yours, his hands scrunch up the fabric of your dress until you feel the night air chill your skin. 

“Hands on the railing, baby,” he says, peeling your soaked panties from you.

Nick’s pushing inside you in the next breath and it’s like he belonged there all along. Holding onto your hips, he begins his onslaught. All you can do is hold yourself up and be happy that no one is walking down this road because fuck they would be able to see you getting absolutely railed without abandon.

Your grip on the railing is faltering as he slams into you and he takes pity on you. He uses the grip on your hips to pull you back so you sit on his lap while he sits in the wicker chair. He moves you up and down on his dick while saying the filthiest things to you.

Once your climax hits, his pace falters and he thrusts up into you. His tip hits your cervix as he pumps you full. He holds you against him and kisses up your neck as you lay back on his chest. For a few moments, all you both can do is breathe and caress each other.

His dick slips free of you and you feel his load dripping from your thoroughly used hole. 

“Come with me back to Virginia,” he whispers, surprising both of you, “Don’t say no just yet. Think about it. We don’t leave for a couple of days. I have not been this happy in a very long while and I think I make you happy too. Just think about it, Gumdrop.”

A million things go through your head at the thought of giving up your life in New Jersey. This was a big step after only a week of playing house. Your brain comes up with so many what-ifs and reasons to not leap. But then one thought sticks, and you smile.

When you know, you know.

January 27th, 2024 – Wedding Day

You were never a big crier, but you shed many tears watching your childhood best friend marry the love of her life. It fills you with hope that everything does happen for a reason. While listening to their vows, you wonder if you could ever make that type of commitment. At that moment, Nick squeezes your hand and you smile up at him. Like he could read your mind, he seems to always know what to do to give you comfort.

Then again, he has known you most of his life. And when you think about it, it has always been him. A distant memory replays in your head of him simply putting a band-aid on your skinned knee when you were nine and he was twelve. Even then, he was there for you with a smile and a friendly hug.

The wedding reception is an all-out party but you expect nothing less from the Fowlers. The music, the food, and the atmosphere are perfect. Dee enjoys herself and is just happy to be married to Matt. And you are so happy for her, to see her without a care in the world. 

Nick focuses on you the entire night, making sure you are comfortable and that you have everything you need. You sit in his lap, effectively confirming any rumors that may have spread about you two. His hand on your knee is warm and you want to sneak out of here and take him to the nearest closet. But he doesn’t let you move an inch once he has you in his clutches.

The wedding photographer snaps a pic of you squealing when Nick plants a sloppy kiss on your cheek. The guests around you simultaneously swoon and groan, depending on their relationship status. Not that you care, you had your man. That’s all that matters.

After the wedding, you and Nick sneak off to a secluded area of the beach to look up at the stars. Taking off your shoes, you don’t mind the sand between your toes. You spend most of the night on the beach, just enjoying each other’s company under the moon. 

You are lucky enough to see a few shooting stars, and you can’t stop yourself from making a wish or two. Wondering if Nick made a wish, you open your mouth to ask him but close it just as quickly. You know his wish already and only you could make it come true.

Coming back to the cottage is bittersweet. The last night of your vacation is spent lying naked with Nick. No sex, just intimate cuddling. You loved how safe you felt in his arms, and you couldn’t deny yourself this feeling.

January 28th, 2024

You’re nervous all morning and Nick tries his best to keep your mind off leaving the island. But all you want to do is spend all day in bed with him.

Saying goodbye to Dee that day is full of teary-eyed hand-holding, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. You hug her mother and father and thank them for inviting you. 

Nick drives you to the ferry, thinking for all the world that this is the last time he will see you. But like you continue to do, you surprise him when he’s helping you with your bags.

“So, I have some things to clear up in Jersey, but I was thinking Valentine’s Day is just a couple of weeks away. You can come to my place and we can spend some time together. I may not be ready to move 7 hours away just yet. But I know that I am not ready to be without you. I want you to know that I want this, whatever this is,” you admit, gesturing between the two of you.

“I can be amenable to that. On one condition,” he offers, taking your hands in his.

“And what is that one condition, Nicky?” you press, wondering what else he could want or if your terms weren’t enough.

“When we are with each other again, I get to call you my girl. That’s it. Be mine, and all that?” he laughs, watching as the frown lines on your forehead disappear and a smile grows on your face.

“You had me for a second, Nicky. But, why wait? I’m all yours already. Plus, I’ve already planted my flag in your back pocket,” you tease, snaking your hand around to goose him.

“So that would make me your man, then? And you’re my girl. Makes me wanna ask what made you decide to try this with me?” he hesitates, half wanting an answer and the other half just happy that you said yes.

“Hey, like I always say,” you start, wrapping your arms around his neck, “When you know, you know.”

END…?

A/N: All of the places in this story are real, this is not an advertisement for Ocracoke Island, NC btw. I just loved vacationing here so much, that I wanted to use it in a story lol.

**Tag List** (since I never wrote for Nick, I didn't know who else to tag)

@gummydummy19 @blackwood4stucky

Let me know if you wanna be added (or removed) 😁

My BINGO Card:

[cupids-dove]

That's Not My Neighbor Head cannons I won't stop thinking about.

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Arabella (oc):

Hopeless romantic

That one friend who's always dressed nicely even when having a breakdown

Would bail you out of jail

Easily flustered

Swears in french but says it in a sweet way, so people think she's complimenting them.

Can't pronounce "declaration"

Very insecure but acts like she's the best

Likes to be the dumb blonde because arguing with men is dumb

Dramatic queen

Marina and the Diamonds coded

Francis:

Runs off of coffee 24/7

Forgets to eat all the damn time

At some point he stopped giving a fuck about doppels

MAN CANNOT FLIRT TO SAVE HIS LIFE (it's okay bc he's unintentionally hot)

Terrible at English (grammar, etc)

Some days just talks in mumbles, and no one ever knows wtf he says

Punched a doppel without realizing it (he thought it was his coworker who wouldn't leave him tf alone-)

Milkshakes are a guilty pleasure

Got chased by a dog during a delivery, and now hates them

Basically, the batman of the building

Nacha:

Bicurious fr fr

A girl's girl

Type of woman to have pads/tampons/liners, etc, in case anyone needs one

Drops off food for Francis because she knows he forgets to eat

Honestly the best mom ever-

She's actually not very good at baking

Her relationship with Francis was: the opposite eyes where one is like happy and the other is tired-

Or like: grew up with a big family x grew up an only child

The one who actually suggested the divorce

Left handed

Has an odd fascination with pears

Anastacha:

She walked in on her parents once, and now whenever Nacha needs her, she has to go to Ana instead of Ana going to her.

Thinks it's cheesy her name is so similar to her mom's

Pretty close to both her parents

I think she'd really like The Addams Family

Good at math

Picked up saying "whatever" from upper classmen

Kinda hates the idea of romance

The type of person to just stare into your soul but in reality was zoning out (got that from her dad fr fr)

Likes picking flowers to bring to her mom after school

Steven:

Bad boy with a heart of gold

Looks like a fboy but this guy got no bitches

Kinda dumb most of the time, but gets serious when it comes to piloting

The cool uncle

Wear sunglasses even if he can't see shit

Insecure about his eyes

Definitely the type to try and fight a goose

He's an only child and wishes he had some younger siblings

Doesn't like to drink all that much

Definitely knows how to play guitar or some sort of instrument

Mclooy:

Most loyal man ever

His wife died before the doppelgangers, but once you get him talking about her he won't shut up

Taught Steven how to play guitar

Everytime he smokes he thinks of how his wife would nag him about it </3

A lot of the guys go to him for advice

I imagine he's got one of those warm hearty laughs

Was in the military for a bit

Worries about Steven everytime he goes out

Doesn't understand mental health, but does his best

Lois:

Sweetest old woman, you'll ever meet.

Carries candy on her all the time

Loves roses so much

Her and her husband are definitely grumpy x soft

Can be kind of an air head sometimes

Had a dog named Puffles when she was young

Has at least 3 kids who write her letters with pressed flowers, which she keeps

Never really liked pearls until Roman bought her a pearl necklace

She's a bit tone deaf

Roman:

Grumpiest man ever

Questions how he ever got with Lois

Knows how to play piano

Is very good with numbers

Hates he's balding but Lois reassures him all the time he's still handsome

Very uncoordinated man

Dislikes pomegranates for some reason

Loves his children very much and gives financial advice

Selenne:

More on the slim and regal side

Has begged Arabella for clothing advice

Loves matching with Elenois

Hates being separated from her sister

The friend who goes partying every night

Definitely the type to gossip with her sister

Cannot keep a secret to SAVE HER LIFE

Has the tendency to talk about topics she doesn't fully understand

Elenois:

Does Selenne's makeup because Selenne always begs her to

Definitely has accidentally called herself by her sister's name

Technically the older twin

Worries that she's not as pretty as her sister even though they look alike

A secret lesbian

Wears cherry chapstick

Hated yellow/orange at first and grew to really like it.

The type to scold you about doing something wrong, but in the process is giving you comfort items

If it wasn't for her sister encouraging her to join her in modeling. She probably would've been a sectary.

Mia:

Loves the color red WITH. A. PASSION.

Loves receiving apples too <3

Probably smells like apple blossoms too-

Very good at English

Teaches third graders

Wants to be a mother with lots and lots of kids

Her relationship with Dr. W. Afton is literally gorgeous wife x dork

Loves her silly fiance

Dyes he hair blonde

Dr. W. Afton:

Man is clueless

Also has no idea how he bagged such a beautiful woman

Loves how smart Mia is

Does questionable shit all the time

Has a thing for bunnies that doesn't feel entirely normal

Has been mistaken for a doppel by neighbors because sometimes he creeps them out

He gives me quiet kid

Definitely grew up with no siblings and extremely awkward around other women

Looks like he would freak out over a bug

Angus:

This man MOST DEFINITELY knows how to dance

He reminds me of Waluigi

He looks like he enjoys pineapple on pizza

A lady's man fr fr

Would treat you so well

A romantic

Smokes a lot, though, because work is hard

Drinks red wine

Has a fancy ass bathrobe that lowkey Slenne is jealous of

Izaack:

Chad

Peaked in highschool

Nosiest mf ever

He's somewhat sweet

Misogynist

Very good at his job

Likes Selenne and gives her all the gossip

Has flirted with all the women in the building at LEAST once (shoot ur shot ig)

He's most proud of his jaw line

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Author's note: Someone should lmk if I should do more :P also I might do something with Arabella more dive deeper into her- I'm just doing this for fun, for myself really because I was just gonna wrote most of these in my notes app. I doubt many people will read this so-

[khattichinni]

The Moons Star

“ l have a granddaughter? ”

Masterlist

" Sirius why can't you understand we can't take care of her in this condition? " Remus said as he packed his daughter's clothes in a bag as fast as he can while his husband cradeled their daughter in his arms trying to get her to stop crying.

"so, what should we do we can't just leave her like this whatever is going on with us shouldn't effect her she is just a child Remus" Sirius said as he swayed his daughter in his arms.

" I am not saying to leave her but for the time being while we are dealing with our divorce instead of troubling her with all this we can leave her with someone trust worthy " Remus said.

" And who is that Remus all of our friends are too young and with the war going on we can't just leave her with anyone" Sirius said.

" Well there is one person can leave her with" Remus said.

"Who?" sirius said.

" Your mother " Remus said and Sirius's eyes widened at that.

"Are you mad we can't just leave her with my mother you don't know how that women can be Remus" Sirius said.

"Sirius she is our only option we can't take care of her like this it can effect her" Remus said and Sirius signed he looked at his daughter he knew what Remus was saying is right they can't take care of her like this he looked at Remus and noded.

"Alright" Sirius said. Remus signed in relief as he closed the zip of the bag he finished packing.

" Great I'll send a letter to walburga explaining her of our situation" Remus said and picked up a parchment and quill to write a letter to walburga. Sirus sat in a chair as he thought of the mistakes he made that caused all of this to happen.

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“ Oh my god Sirius I can't believe you" Remus said as he rushed outside of the room of the apartment they shared.

" It's not what it looks like" Sirius said he walked Behind Remus tying his robe.

" Oh! Really then what is it like don't tell me she was just seeing how the bed feels with you lying on top of her " Remus said as he picked up his daughter and went out of the house. July snape saw what happened from the room and came out of the room and hugged Sirius.

---------

" Here I wrote the letter please give it to the owl to deliver it." Remus gave the letter to Sirius he noded and went to give the letter to owl. Remus signed and looked down at his daughter.

" I am sorry love. "

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Heyy! Guys so this was the first chapter of moon's star. in this story I have taken characters from my story on wattpad ultraviolence. So that's it bbye!!