#I KNOW ITS NORMAL TO PUT UP A SOCIAL FRONT BUT I WISH I COULD BE HONEST ABOUT LITERALLY ANYTHING AT ALL

[wormboyfriendcentralstation]

literally every trans person who has watched 'i saw the tv glow': AMAZING movie but like it gives a lot of trans people panic attacks :^) me, trans and watching I Saw the TV Glow: ah yes, surely i- oh Whoa Panic Attack

[frownyalfred]

But how would Bruce sweep in to help the Kents without raising suspicion on himself? Even if he did it anonymously, theres few people in Gotham that could have the power to so quickly get them out of the public eye. And if he does it publicly, I'm assuming he claims he was doing it to protect the JL as Bruce publicly funds them? Or would he essentially release a statement saying that as a close friend of Clark Kent, he wishes to protect him from the media as he of all people knows how vicious they can be? Idk, I completely agree that Bruce would be the one to get them out, the question is just how?

My heart also breaks for Clark because this is obviously one of the last things he ever wanted to occur. Superman's love for humanity is obvious to everyone and the loss of his civilian identity destroys any chance of him being able to interact with them outside of his superhero identity. Its one thing having to wait for something in the media to 'blow over' but this isn't your everyday politic scandal or other media story, this is the reveal of the man behind one of the Trinity itself, the reveal of Superman. It could easily take months before it stops being the front page cover of every newspaper and after that, what then? How do they move forward?

And all of this doesn't even begin to consider the guilt Clark would feel for ruining Lois and the kids' lives. Everyone would reassure him it wasn't his fault but Clark would obviously take responsibility for this, telling himself he should have been more careful, more secretive, more vigilant. That as a result of his lack of caution, he'd ruined any chance his kids and Lois had at a (somewhat) normal life. I feel like I could even see him being embarrassed to accept Bruce's help, chastising himself for not planning for contingencies like Bruce had.

Sorry to dump all this on you, I'm just so intrigued by the aftermath of the reveal itself.

No it’s a very valid question! In that media/public world, getting them out of the public eye as quickly as possible is the number one priority. That doesn’t need to be attributed to Bruce right away, or even at all — the Kents (all of them) disappear as quickly as possible. They fly to an agreed-upon rendezvous or they are taken there by private security hired by Bruce.

Once there, that’s when the PR shitstorm hits. Superman and his family are found out, maybe there were a few brief videos of them leaving or being escorted out of their workplace (Lois) or flying away from their school (Jon) but nothing long, nothing conclusive.

The media cycle begins. Interviews with the Kent’s’ friends, colleagues, neighbors, etc proliferate the news. Everyone is cashing in on what they can. Bruce, if he’s smart, has Clark and his family locked down somewhere they can’t watch television and is handling the response on his own.

But the reality is, there is not much Bruce CAN do, for the reasons you mentioned. Publicly tying himself to Superman and his family puts WE under greater scrutiny. Coming out in defense of Clark’s lies suggests he 1) knew about them and 2) approves of Superman’s decision to hide from the public.

I’m not sure that conversation between friends will go well. Bruce telling Clark there’s no way to return to their previous lives, not without significant security risks (not to mention the social strain) and Clark spiraling as he realizes he’s inadvertently taken away his Ma’s knitting circle, Lois’ job, Jon’s school.

It’s all different now. If he’s lucky, Bruce has plans to funnel them into a sort of witness protection, maybe in a few years when things settle down. But that would mean splitting them up — and that’s non negotiable. Even keeping Ma and Pa together is a stretch. They’re too easily recognizable.

I imagine maybe Bruce can give them a sort of asylum in the Watchtower, operating outside of any Earth’s jurisdiction. But that puts scrutiny on the Justice League instead. And Bruce is the kind of person to keep the JL autonomous and take the heat on WE if needed — even if he never mentions it.

There are things that Bruce would need to step in on: connections starting to be made between himself and Clark, accusations of Clark not being a US citizen (and Jon too, but because he’s an alien) and Lois for lying to the US government. Accusations that the Justice League was culpable in any way for Superman’s civilian actions. Scrutiny on WE and how much Bruce Wayne knows or should know, or how his funding is connected to a JL that is now under investigation etc.

But yes: I think Bruce could get them out and hidden without tipping his hand. But everything else, yeah, he would need to step into the spotlight at least a little. And he would do that for Clark, because that’s his friend. He’s had this complex series of contingencies ready since…maybe Clark and Lois’ engagement?

Having been in some PR crises, you need a Bruce. Someone not affected directly and cool/calm enough to speak to media, move people around, and make judgement calls. Clark is lucky he has such a friend, even if he’s beating himself up over his own actions and missteps.

I have more (probably more coherent) thoughts about this, but that’s my initial reaction — Bruce gets them out fine, but next steps are very, very complicated. And things won’t ever be normal again.

[imhereformysciencefriends]

Blow this popcicle stand

My gift for @missycolorful for the @technoblade-gift-exchange

Read on AO3 here!

I had a total blast writing this! I hope you enjoy as well. I admit I kinda smushed together a couple of your prompts, but I am very happy with the result. Enjoy! <3

**

Phil was, historically, better at the talking-to-people thing. Not necessarily the being-reasonable thing, Techno did often have to sit in on all of Phil’s meetings in order to prevent unnecessary bloodshed due to, quote, “it’d be funny, mate,” unquote. But talking to people, talking was something Phil could and did do. Techno? Not so much. He didn’t, he didn’t really care for it, you know. Wasn’t really his forte.

But Phil was busy in a month-long series of meetings negotiating a new peace agreement with a nation that wanted regular access to the moon portal (financially a very good move for the Empire, logistically a nightmare). And while Techno would really prefer to be in those, both to have a comprehensive set of expectations for what would be happening in the future and to keep an eye on his partner, it wasn’t the only nation that wanted the Empire’s attention.

And Techno was, if not suited, at the very least capable of trade negotiations with one of their friendlier allies.

Even if he hated the idea.

His thick, heavy, fur-necked cape moved with his arms as he pulled his long hair back into a ponytail, the sound of his hooves ringing out against the arctic stone rather slowly as he approached the meeting room. Almost like he was dragging his feet. But jokes on you, Chat, Techno didn’t have feet to drag! So clearly he was getting there at a very reasonable pace. And wasn’t stalling. No chance of that, not with him, haha, nope!

Despite it being his literal actual destination, Techno found himself surprised when he was suddenly in front of the meeting room door. Who authorized this? Ninja doors, sittin’ around jumpscaring good hardworking emperors. Probably Phil, the weeb. Actually, Techno should try to remember this bit for later, he was sure Phil would love the notion of a ninja door. Get a good laugh outta that one.

Focus. He did still have to, you know, open the door. Have the pre-scheduled and entirely-foreseen meeting that would take place behind it.

Was that the alarm bell he heard? Off in the distance? Wayyyyy far away in the distance? No? Just him then? Alright.

No, Chat, he wasn’t stalling. He was just securing the perimeter with his superior hearing before engaging with outside forces. Yes he had superior hearing, look at the pink shell of his ears, sticking out of his face like that. What, no, he was not a bishounen, Chat, under no circumstances was anyone allowed to call him that. Honestly, the ideas that Chat got in their heads, smh.

Okay! Okay! He wasn’t stalling! He was opening the door now!

Inside the meeting room was the Essempi convoy, its three main representatives seated on the couch that faced the massive armchair Techno took. Next to his was a significantly smaller armchair, specifically designed to accommodate a man’s wings.

Not for nothing, Techno wished Phil was here.

“Welcome to the Empire,” he started, because that sounded most appropriate. Already, the back of his neck felt hot and damp with sweat. That’s why he put his hair up, he supposed.

“Thank you for having us,” replied the woman in the middle, leaning forward across the low table to extend her hand. Shoot, handshakes, should he have done that before he sat down? Did Phil normally do that? Techno was suddenly blanking on any social interaction he’d ever had prior to this one in his life.

Her hand was firm, warm, and had shallow calluses. The strong grip of a woman who worked and wasn’t intimidated by Techno in the slightest. Would it be easier for him if she was intimidated? More importantly, had Techno met her before? Her voice seemed… familiar. Ish. Familiarish.

Niki! That’s Nihachu Her name is Nikki, you’ve met her before Niki! Nikki? I never know which it is

“Uh, Niki, is it?”

She laughed, and it wasn’t a mean sound. Techno felt his face heating up anyway. “You remembered!” The look on her face wasn’t pity, nor offense, but she gave off the impression of being very knowing of what was going on in Techno’s brain, “My hair was brown last time we met, with the blonde in the front.”

Oh! Okay, yes, Techno could place her now. She’d been invited to the same weird political shindig festival party thing that Phil had dragged him to.

“Nice to see you again,” he said, a little more sincerely. And a touch relieved.

“You as well,” she said warmly, then gestured to the woman to her right. Er, well, to her left, Techno’s right—didn’t matter. “This is Captain Puffy, she’s a state-sponsored merchant we’ve been working closely with. She’s interested to see if she’d be a good match for this route, depending on what we work out.”

“Yo!”

Captain Puffy was an extremely short woman (maybe even shorter than Phil), though far from petite. Her big curling hair and big curling ram horns and big sunglasses and big captain’s coat all spoke to a relatively large personality, and the big smile she flashed him did not actually help settle Techno’s nerves. Maybe he should’ve had some tea or something before all this. She was also slouching, leaned against the arm of the couch with all the debonair swagger of a woman entirely at ease around important people. As an emperor of one of the world’s fastest growing empires, Techno could probably stand to take a page from her book.

Whose idea had it been to put him in charge, again? Oh right, his.

Gesturing to her other side, Niki continued, “And this is Ranboo. He’s something between a pupil and a little brother, to me; he’s mostly just here for this to be a learning experience.”

As short as the captain was, Ranboo was tall. Wraith-thin with too-big eyes and an air about him that seemed even more nervous than Techno felt. Techno at least had his flat affect and “monotone” voice (he still didn’t get that, but enough people had told him that he had a monotone by now that he just accepted it) to act as buffer. This kid (and Techno got a very strong impression that he was young, despite not knowing much about Ender ages (well, maybe he knew more than most, given the Empire’s plot-relevant access to the moon)) wasn’t so much as wearing his heart on his sleeve as he was stringing it up on a chandelier.

“Nice to meet you both,” Techno said, the captain giving him a lazy salute and Ranboo nodding so stiffly it looked like his neck might snap.

“Shall we get straight to it, then?” Niki asked, and Techno nodded, so incredibly thankful that someone else was comfortable taking charge of a conversation.

And then they sank blissfully into the thing that was Techno’s strong suit: his stuff. Techno had a good head for what items were worth, and while he wasn’t the most organized person (he had goons for that) he absolutely knew how much he had of what, and what the Empire could afford to spare in trading efforts, provided they received what they were promised in return. Now, storms could sink even the most experienced ships, and fleets could get blown off course, so he had to factor in wiggle room and contingency plans as well.

Another strong suit. Techno was a beast at contingency plans. Nobody could plan a contingency plan like Techno planned his plans.

The deeper they got into the numbers game and talk of resources, the more Techno chilled out. This wasn’t socializing, not really. He was mostly just indulging in his inventory vices while other people were in the room.

Something Essempi had in plenty that the Empire desperately needed was food. More specifically: vegetation. They had their arctic, thick-furred cows, their fluffy chickens, their heavy-hided boars, their densely-wooled sheep, and their round the clock fisheries. Nothing would breed too close to the moon portal, but here at the castle their herds and flocks were thriving just fine. But plants? That took underground greenhouses with low ceilings and constant torchlight to do anything. And a growing empire was a hungry thing: greenhouses alone weren’t going to be sustainable. Not long term.

Techno had his reservations about putting too much faith in their allies. A resource as important as food needed more than one source.

But. Techno’s reservations wouldn’t spontaneously feed everybody, and Essempi had been friendly and amicable all through negotiations. All things considered, they were probably the closest and most trustworthy ally the Empire had.

And their representatives didn’t make Techno want to melt into a puddle or stab anybody! So. Points all around in their favor. Niki did most of the talking, her voice soft and cheery, clearly the most familiar with Essempi resources and used to political negotiations. The captain would chime in mostly around the actual act of trade itself, naval logs and star charts and detailed maps crowding her end of the low table. Ranboo, as Niki mentioned, didn’t say… anything at all, the whole meeting. He just sat, straight-spined enough to put the strictest governess to shame and making eye contact with nobody, scratching notes into a book he’d brought.

Essempi was offering them good deals. More than fair, if Techno was being entirely honest. And he knew he didn’t have any personal charm to thank for that. He filed that away for future reference. Either Essempi was even more well off than rumors suspected, or there would come a day when they asked the Empire to pay back their generosity (likely with swords and soldiers, if the history books held any credence).

But that was fine. In the now, they were offering lucrative details for necessary resources. (In the future, Phil would need enrichment anyway (Techno, too, he did love a good fight)). Techno would still probably want to set up a couple additional trade agreements with other nations, just in case, just to cover all his bases. And the greenhouses obviously weren’t going anywhere, Techno would not be sacrificing even an ounce of pre-established self-sufficiency.

But even Techno, of all people, had to admit that he was feeling pretty optimistic by the time they all stood and shook hands in parting. He remembered to shake Puffy’s and Ranboo’s this time, Puffy’s hand tiny and grip strong, Ranboo’s slender fingers still faintly trembling with nerves but his smile seeming at the very least half-genuine.

Woof. Ough. His back. The time! The sun set early here, but he was still surprised to see that it had sunk below the horizon while he was squirreled away looking at documents and maps and an antique abacus. His staff seemed to agree, yawning and musing over dinner plans as the two groups dispersed, the Essempi convoy headed towards the guest quarters and Techno and his officials wandering further inwards of the castle.

“Well done in there, Your Majesty!” praised one of Techno’s staff while he wasn’t looking, and he was too embarrassed to admit that he hadn’t quite managed to catch who was talking, so he just raised a hand and gave a vague “Ayup” before leaving quickly. Much quicker than he had arrived, as it happened. So interesting, that things worked out like that.

“Busy day?” Phil asked as the door to the royal quarters clicked shut. Techno sighed heavily and let his head thunk back against the heavy wood. Phil, the intolerable jerk, giggled at him.

“Why weren’t you the one handling that again?”

“Because the little stunt we pulled was just a biiiiiit too successful,” Phil reminded with another chuckle, and Techno groaned as he shoved off the door.

It had been a gambit, but as a fledgling nation the Antarctic Empire had needed to gain the attention of the rest of the world, and gain their attention they had. An extremely brief, brutal, there-then-gone conquest that had left the vast majority of the world temporarily under the Empire’s claim. It served two purposes, each a message:

Do not, under any circumstances, make enemies of the Empire.

Probably a good idea to play nice and make friends, though.

Most of the world had taken the first message very much to heart, and the testing nudges they’d been making abruptly vanished. Some nations, like Essempi, had quickly jumped to playing nice, eager to make powerful allies (and perhaps just as eager to make sure they didn’t have a powerful enemy).

A couple nations had taken message number one as a challenge, and readied warships with bloodied thirst.

Not that the Empire couldn’t handle a bit of… rough play, but it did mean that after squashing attempts at overthrowing or subjugating them, Phil got saddled with miles of paperwork establishing the enemy’s surrender and the Empire’s new normal.

“I thought you were meeting with the guys who wanted moon access today?” Techno asked as he approached. Phil’d had dinner brought to their rooms, as they did most nights when they weren’t expected to make an appearance, and Techno let into the meat and eggs with gusto.

“That’s tomorrow. Tonight was more surrender talk.”

“So that’s why you double booked us. You wanted ‘em alone in a room with you.”

Phil giggled, waggling his fingers so as to make a show of his talons.

Techno gave a very half-hearted kick to his shin. Quarter-hearted. Maybe even sixth-hearted. Phil cackled at him.

“Can’t let you outta my sight for ten minutes,” Techno groused around a mouthful of chicken. Phil popped a handful of red berries into his mouth (some of the only vegetation that could be grown outside of the greenhouses), and he looked altogether too smug.

“How’re things with Essempi going? Off to a running start?”

“Actually? Yeah.”

“Yeah?”

“I like the representative they sent over, Niki, she’s got a good head on her shoulders, and so far they’ve been fair, if not generous.” Techno gave his partner a meaningful glance. “We should probably expect a request for military aid, sometime in the future.”

Phil shrugged, entirely unfazed. “We’ve always known that’s a possibility. And we’re not exactly hurting for it.”

“Figured as much.” Techno lifted his plate to slide the eggs into his open mouth, the fork method far too slow. “Honestly don’t think this deal is gonna take too long to finalize. Week, probably?”

“For you? That’s a goddamn miracle, mate.”

Techno snorted. “I know, right? She’s got a pupil along with her, skinny guy named Ranboo. Showin’ him the ropes.”

Phil spluttered a laugh. “And she chose you for a practice round!?”

“I know right? Like, c’mon, cut the guy some slack. He looked ready to shake out of his skin. Don’t just throw him off the deep end chanting ‘blood for the blood god’ like there’s gotta be less intimidatin’ guys than me out there.”

Phil giggled and Techno continued, “Brought a ship captain too, Puffy, shorter than you and louder. She’s been a good help settin’ realistic expectations, but I dunno how involved she’s gonna be in the rest of our meetings.”

“Sounds like you’ve got a pretty good handle on it, mate. Good for you, good for you.”

Techno snorted. “Never thought we’d see the day.”

“Aww, I knew you could do it.” Techno cast him yet another look. He giggled. “Eventually.”

Techno guffawed and set his plate down, dropping his head back. By the Blood God, he felt tired.

“Well,” Phil continued, stretching his arms above his head and his wings out to each side, “nobody got attacked and no emergencies happened, so I’ll call this day a win.”

“Ah, but I did get attacked,” Techno said with a raised finger, remembering his joke from earlier.

“Oh?” Phil asked, with all the sharp-eyed curiosity of a man who knew a punchline was coming, but was trying to tell where from.

Techno heaved his head back up. “In the halls of our own very castle. I was caught off-guard—very brutally, I should add—by a ninja door.”

Phil broke immediately into cackles.

“Snuck up on me while I was just innocently walkin’ down the hall, Phil. Never would’ve expected it. One of our own doors. The betrayal was immense.”

“whAT?” Phil giggle-shouted, his feathers poofing and his shoulders shaking.

“I was just mindin’ my own business when bam! Suddenly the door was right there. Scared the life out of me. Don’t worry, Phil, I showed it who was boss. I twisted that handle like I was born for it.”

Phil was now laughing so hard tears gathered in the corners of his eyes.

Techno grinned, warmth glowing in the center of his chest. Truthfully, it probably wasn’t that funny of a joke, but the combination of fatigue, the subject being unexpected, and Phil being an easy audience made it sound like ninja doors were the funniest thing in the whole world.

The night was still young, but Techno was utterly drained from the day of talking (and tomorrow would be much the same) so he called it an early night. Phil, equally tired from twisting arms into surrender (and maybe getting to play a little mean with his talons, who knew. Not Techno! Techno hadn’t been there to reel him in!) was more than happy to agree.

This far south, sleeping in your own bed was about as smart as wandering the town naked. Too much warmth leached out that way. It was only sensible that family members shared a bed together, with drapes around the edges to keep the air captive.

Techno had no family to speak of, except the one, so the two emperors dressed for the night and crawled in together, Phil’s top wing spread out over them like an added blanket and his icy little feet pressed up against Techno’s leg.

“Why are you always an ice cube?” Techno groused, gathering his friend in his arms.

“Shhhh, you’re just a friggin’ blast furnace, mate. Go to sleep.”

Techno huffed, breath stirring Phi’s hair and making him chuckle, then nuzzled down into the blankets and his companion, wishing he could hibernate the day off. Blood God himself, he was tired.

But wake the next morning he did, and the next, and the next after that. Essempi eventually embarked for their home, along with the first shipment of goods from the Empire. More countries entered peace treaties with them, or at the very least non-aggression pacts, particularly as more nations fell to the Antarctic Empire’s might. Trade was good, their people sleeping with full bellies and a more or less nutritionally balanced diet. The Empire produced plenty of coal, in its cavernous depths, and many nations of warmer climates had want for the ice they so easily chiseled up from around them.

Things were good.

Techno was getting… better, about the whole talking to people thing. After the first few days, Ranboo had started speaking, and Techno had found a kindred spirit in him. The two now exchanged regular correspondence. Mostly about books, but sometimes they’d share personal stories or gossip (apparently Captain Puffy was working very closely with a certain someone, indeed). Meetings were no longer torments summoned directly from hell (not that Techno liked them, but Techno was pretty sure he was never actually going to like meetings (honestly, he was pretty sure nobody did)). He and Phil were getting a pretty good handle on this whole, “being emperors” thing.

That said, politically motivated social functions were still the worst. But Essempi was, to date, still their closest and friendliest ally, and Techno knew enough about court niceties by now to know that regardless of how much he might’ve wanted to, he and Phil could not turn down their invitation to a ball.

“What even is the point of balls,” Techno groused as he examined the flimsy nothings the tailor had made for him to wear there. Too thin of a material, not nearly enough fur around his neck, he’d freeze to death in this in an instant. He… did like the gold bits, though. He’d conceded on that. And the jewelry. Those parts were nice. The rest of it was like walking around in wet paper, though.

“Maintaining positive social ties with political figures we’ve already established with and makin’ new friends with new people at a designated function for doing so—”

“I was bein’ sarcastic, Phil,” Techno cut off the overly-formal lecture, making Phil cackle. “It’s called a rhetorical question, Phil, ever heard of it?”

“Can’t say I have, mate,” Phil lied with a giggle.

“A rhetorical question is a—” Techno started, overly-formal lecture of his own primed and at the ready, and Phil swatted him with a big black wing, setting them both to laughing.

The boat ride to Essempi went about as well as anticipated. Phil flitted about, happily assisting with the crow’s nest and upper rigging, and Techno spent about half of it bent over the railing, the other half desperately attempting to coax water and ginger teas into his stomach that he didn’t immediately upend.

“We should build a land bridge,” Techno groused when his friend came over to both hydrate and mock him.

Phil, predictably, laughed, “Mate, I don’t know if even we mine up enough stone for that,” he said as he passed a water flask over. Techno swished it around his mouth and spit, trying to rid himself of the now everpresent taste of bile, then sipped slowly and delicately, his stomach groaning pathetically and churning at even that.

“Then we’re building flying machines and we’re taking those. Planes, blimps, hot air balloons, I don’t care, this is the last trip I sail anywhere.”

“Blimp’s not a bad idea,” Phil mused as Techno shut his eyes, bracing himself against the railing with renewed force and willing the nausea to pass him over without taking his water with it. “It’d be more regal and dignified than staggerin’ off a boat dehydrated and starved and swaying.”

“Gonna punch you for that.”

“Are you now?” he asked with a giggle.

“Ayup. Just give me three to five business days to get off this railing and then it’s over for you. It’s so over for you.”

More laughter. “I’ll be sure to keep that in mind. Well, I’m off to go perch in the crow’s nest again, have fun pukin’ your guts out.”

“Death. Death and violence.”

His friend’s retreating laughter left him and he stewed in abject misery for the rest of the trip. By the time they hit land and Techno was able to collapse into a bed that wasn’t swaying every which way, he was even looking forward to the party, since it meant not being on the boat.

The flimsy cheesecloth the tailor had prepared for him made more sense in this warmer climate, and now that he wasn’t being a stubborn child about it he had to admit: he cleaned up good. Deep red and gold and black, Phil his match but green, they were striking, appearing wealthy and deadly and even, somehow, regal.

Despite, y’know, it being the two of them.

The party goers were respectful, nobody jumping at the chance to speak with the Antarctic emperors but no one intentionally snubbing them either, and Techno mostly just had to loom behind Phil with a ridiculously shatterable little wine flute pinched delicately between his fingers and listen. Answer the occasional polite question that was directed his way, make sure Phil didn’t get too excited at any perceived slight, it was almost even normal.

He was at the food table, piling high a plate he intended to share with his co-emperor, when he heard a familiar, boisterous voice.

“Emperor Technoblade!”

“Captain,” he greeted, turning to her. She extended her drinking glass, and he gently clinked his against it. “They’re lettin’ riffraff like you in here?”

Puffy barked a sharp laugh, loud and unabashed. “I’m a plus one.”

“Oh?” Techno raised an eyebrow. “You and Niki official, then?”

Puffy squinted. “And how exactly do you know about that?”

Techno smirked behind the rim of his glass. “I have informants everywhere.”

Puffy laughed, once again boisterous and booming, and landed a playful punch just barely above Techno’s elbow. Haha why are you so short.jpeg. Oh c’mon Chat that joke is not old that’s still peak comedy right there.

“Man, I can’t believe everyone’s so intimidated by you.”

“You wouldn’t say that if you saw me in a fight,” Techno countered, amused.

“And you wouldn’t say that if you saw me in one, blood boy!”

Techno arched an eyebrow. “Blood boy,” that was a new one. In their trade with Essempi, Techno and Phil had gotten to know the sea captain a little better each time she was in their port, and she’d taken to treating them with the same friendly irreverence she spoke to everyone with.

Techno set his plate down on the edge of the table, largely crowded out by the serving dishes but finding just enough space for it to not go falling over. Intentionally, he loomed over her, his impressive height casting her fully in shadow, and let himself grin.

“Careful, Captain. It’s not smart to threaten me with a good time.”

As tolerable as the party was thus far, Techno would be lying if he said he wouldn’t ditch in half a heartbeat to go screw around. And after the miserable journey here, a good friendly sparring match with a spunky lady sounded like even more fun than usual.

Puffy rocked up on her hooves, and even on the tips while Techno was stooping down she couldn’t really get “in” his face but he understood the gesture. His grin widened. It matched her own.

“What’s the matter, big boy, don’t think you could take me?”

“Miss Puffy, um, you promised Miss Niki you wouldn’t cause a scene,” came a timid voice from nearby, and both Techno and Captain Puffy perked.

“Ranboo,” Techno greeted, scooping up his plate of food and crossing the distance to his young friend.

“Hello, Emperor Technoblade, it’s nice to see you, please don’t encourage her.”

“Good to see you too,” Techno said warmly, meaning it. Through their letters, Techno had come to regard the young Enderian as a good friend.

Puffy gasped as she trotted over, and shoved right up into Ranboo’s space. “Are you the nark?”

“Um,” Ranboo said, backing slowly away only to be further crowded by a sheep woman half his height, clearly confused, “no?”

“Yeah, Captain, what’s with this baseless accusation you’re makin’ against my good pal Ranboo?”

“I can’t believe this. Betrayed by my own girlfriend’s tagalong.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about??”

“Eh, don’t worry about it,” Techno said, slinging an arm over Ranboo’s shoulders and nearly bowling the guy over with its weight. Techno had seen bamboo shoots with more structural integrity, smh.

“E-either way, please do not help Miss Puffy make a scene. Miss Niki specifically instructed her not to do that.”

“Guess we’ll just have to go somewhere there’s nobody else around,” Puffy said, still full of good cheer.

“True. Can’t make a scene if there’s no one to see it.”

“Oh, no. I. I’m going to go get Miss Niki.” Techno barked a laugh but released Ranboo to go do so, and Puffy waggled her fingers at his retreating backside.

“Kayyyy. We won’t be here when you get back!”

Techno glanced down at the plate in his hand. Hm. Well, he couldn’t just return it all to the serving dishes, he’d already touched it. Puffy nudged him with her elbow, and when he glanced her way he found her pulling at her wide neckline and winking at him. With her other hand, she lifted the neck of a bottle of what surely must be rum, and he caught on immediately. Using one of the overly-fancy napkins, he bundled his snacks and passed them to her, watching her disappear them into her clothes. That was so smart, he’d have to talk to his tailor about providing him that kind of opportunity in future outfits.

His loyalty to his co-emperor did him in, though. Puffy was already heading out one of the patio doors, sneaking off into a well-maintained garden, but Techno detoured to grab Phil, knowing if there was going to be any fighting, for fun or for murder, he’d be heartbroken if Techno left him out.

“Emperor Technoblade,” greeted Niki from behind him while he was trying to wait out the conversation Phil was currently engaged in. She sounded icier than when she’d been in his antarctic home, negotiating trade.

Busted.

“Hello, Niki,” he returned. Definitely not sounding guilty. Nothing going on over here officer, no suspicious activity whatsoever.

“It seems my partner for the evening has vacated the premises. Would you care to dance with me in her place?”

“Uhhhhh.” Techno wasn’t the best at court niceties, but he knew a request from a “request.” He took her outstretched hand.

“What uh—why the sudden interest?” Oh that sounded so suspicious he could stab himself.

“Can a lowly civic servant not ask an emperor for a dance?”

“Uhhhh no, no that’s fine. That’s uh, that’s fine, just, haven’t uh—how you been, Niki, haven’t seen you in a while!” he not-so-subtly changed the subject.

“I have been alright. Times have been better for us than in a long time, and I have been kept busy making sure it all stays in running order.”

“Not too busy, I hope?”

Niki laughed, but it wasn’t the most mirthful sound he’d ever heard.

In some of Ranboo’s letters, he’d voiced concern for his mentor/sister figure, writing of nightmares and insomnia that was only partially due to her high workload.

“Cause stressin’ yourself out can take a toll on the body, you know,” Techno pushed, not sure if it was his place to or not, but eh. He liked Niki. She was a good sensible woman who (normally) didn’t make him feel like dying or killing out of sheer mortification. And during negotiations, she’d been friendly. “It’s important to take breaks and have fun, every now and then.”

She pursed her lips in a frown, and it looked so much like she was pouting that he chuckled. “C’mon, take a load off.” He grinned at her, playful and a little teasing. “There’s a very pretty girl outside who I know would just love to have you come goof off with us.”

“Well now that’s not out of the ordinary. That very pretty girl is always trying to get me to goof off.”

“Maybe you should listen to her more often.”

Niki sighed and let Techno spin her, the dress she’d chosen for the party flaring nicely. “Maybe I should.”

“Yeahhhhhhhh that’s the spirit! Come join us! We’ll make, like, a bookclub or something.”

Niki let out a “pfft,” and then giggled quietly. “I should put that in my credentials somewhere. ‘In a bookclub with an emperor.’”

“Two emperors if I can get him away from those—what are they, petty nobles?”

“Ambassadors from Kpop.”

“Cringe. We gotta get outta here, Niki, I can feel my viewership dropping by the moment.”

“I don’t know what that means—Technoblade!”

In a grand sweeping movement that was definitely not typical but could still technically be considered dancing, Techno rushed the two of them towards the patio, catching Phil’s eye just briefly enough to give a jerk of his chin, watching his friend’s eyes light up with curiosity and mirth.

Okay, good, Phil was coming.

“Really,” Niki scolded, but she wasn’t resisting him at all as he dragged her along, out into the privacy of the manicured foliage and beyond.

“Ehhh, relaaax. Nobody saw us leave. Probably.”

“I am quite sure a great many people saw us leave.”

“Eh. Phil and I already talked to everybody important that would get, like, big mad if we didn’t. We can ditch.”

“I am part of the hosting party.”

“Aaaaaaaaand now you’re not. So it’s fine, it’s fiiiine.”

Niki giggled, and it sounded just a little more genuine. Good. He was getting a good grade in cheering Niki up, something reasonable to want and possible to achieve.

“Heyyyyyy, look what the pig dragged in!” Puffy cheered, bottle open in one hand and waving excitedly with the other.

“You are incorrigible. I cannot believe you dragged an emperor in on your shenanigans.”

“This is actually pretty consistent with my character honey, I don’t know what to tell you.”

Techno barked a laugh and snagged the bottle from her, taking a big gulp before extending it towards Niki.

“I am surrounded by ruffians,” she said, but he noted she took the bottle and a big drink of her own.

“Ehhh, I wouldn’t really call two people ‘surrounded,’ maybe sandwiched?” A familiar sound of wings had Techno’s elbow angling up on instinct, and soon he had a shoulder full of best friend. “Okay, Phil’s here, now you’re surrounded.”

“Who’re we surrounding?”

“We’re forcing Niki to take a load off and have a nice evening.”

“Pog.”

“Cheers to that, Emperor number two!”

Phil spluttered around laughter as he hopped from his perch. “I’m just the number two now, am I?” He took the bottle from Niki, who went and leaned on her laughing girlfriend and pressed a kiss atop one of her horns.

The sound of footsteps and not-so-subtle huffing and puffing had them all turning to look. It was far too loud to be any kind of assassin, so nobody was on guard, and Phil took another swig of rum as Ranboo rounded a hedge.

Realizing his late entry made all eyes fall on him, Ranboo flushed. Huh. He turned kinda greenish on one side and a more typical red on the other. Pogchamp, Techno supposed.

“Uh,” he said, still catching his breath a bit. “Um. Miss Niki, you, uh, left the party.”

“Sorry Ranboo,” she said, looking honestly chagrined. “I did not mean to leave you there on your own.”

Ah. Left alone by the extrovert that adopted you at a party that wasn’t your idea to attend in the first place. A fate worse than death, which Techno would not wish on his worst enemy, much less friend.

“Um. Why is, everyone here, and not, inside?” he asked, tail twitching and lashing with his agitation.

“We’re ditching,” Techno said, slinging an arm around the little beanpole once again. “You are too.”

“I’m—what?” Ranboo spluttered as Techno dragged him forward, starting the group into a slow amble further from the noises of the party, Niki looking at him with apology and Puffy cheering around a laugh.

“Yeah, mate, you’re a delinquent now!” Phil said brightly, pushing Ranboo from behind while Techno pulled. “Gotta play hookie with us.”

“I, um, I uh, well,” he stammered, twisting his fingers, looking about between them and finding absolutely no help.

“You’re bein’ peer pressured. We’re peer pressurin’ you. Just come goof off with us, Ranboo, join the dark side, we have cookies.”

“We do, actually,” Puffy said, taking the rum back and finishing off the bottle. “I’ve got enough snacks hidden in my various pockets to feed an army.”

“Absolute pogchamp.”

“Oh I knew you were up to something!”

“Always,” Puffy said with a wink, rising up onto her hooftips to kiss Niki’s cheek.

“I, uh…” Ranboo sighed. It was a great heaving thing, making him sound more and more like a dejected cat.

“Yeahhhh! One Ranboo, officially roped into our nonsense. Gang’s all here now, gang’s all here.”

“So what’re we doing?” Phil asked cheerfully, crossing his wrists behind his head in a strikingly anime fashion.

“Well, the captain and I were gonna fight—” Phil’s eyes lit up in an excited glint, drawn to the allure of playful violence, “—but since we’ve got Niki and Ranboo now I say we just goof around on the beach.”

“That… does actually sound kind of nice,” Niki admitted, and Ranboo’s whole body perked hopefully. Techno gave one noodle arm a nudge with an elbow and sent him a quick wink. They’d get that girl to take a load off and enjoy herself, even if it took all four of them to do it.

A rustling, too large to be a rabbit, came from a bush ahead of them, just on that seam of land where dirt shifted into sand. Not a moment later, out spilled a man, a man wearing a bright blue onesie.

“Connor?!?” asked all five of them, equally shocked.

“Hey heyyyyyyy, guyyyyys,” Connor said, one leg still trapped inside the bush, splayed out on his back and craning his neck back to look at them, lifting a hand in a peace sign. “How’s it going?”

“Connor, what are you doing here?” Niki asked, concerned.

“Wait, how do you know Connor?” Phil asked.

“How do you know Connor?” Ranboo countered, Niki helping pry the man loose from the bush’s terrible clutches and more or less right himself on his feet.

“Oh, I get around a lot,” Connor said blithely, “At this point I know most people.”

For a moment, they stood in a loose circle, staring silently at one another.

A bottle uncorked and attention turned to Puffy. “I mean, I also know Connor,” she said, taking a swig of something new. “Wanna come screw around on the beach with us? I brought snacks.”

“Oh fuck yeah.”

And screw around they did. Mostly just walking and talking under starlight, the ocean breeze cool but only as much to be pleasant. They found a nice flat rock to take a sit on and Puffy shared the many treats she’d secreted, everyone chowing down and laughing around jokes and conversation. Phil and Puffy got into a wrestling match in the sand at one point, Connor braided uneven sections of Puffy’s hair while Niki pleated nice, neat rows, Techno and Ranboo discussed the recent installment of a book series they’d both been following and that Ranboo had shipped a copy of, knowing Techno would want one and wouldn’t want to wait long enough to place the order all the way from Antarctica.

Phil perched on Techno’s shoulders for no reason other than to feel tall, Connor relayed a tale so wild no one was sure if Connor could actually have survived that sort of thing, or if he was just making up shit as he went along, and Niki was laughing with her whole chest, flush to her cheeks and a weight lifted from her.

It was a good evening. A good night, as the moon rose higher and the distant, far-off sounds of partying wound lower. Their group was winding down as well, conversation fading into companionable silence.

Niki’s weight slumped against Techno’s side, and he glanced down to find the woman asleep.

“Gotter,” he teased softly, nudging Ranboo on his other side.

“Oh, good,” he said fondly, peering around Techno and ending up leaning on him too, as a result. Phil chuckled from above, still perched on Techno’s shoulders. Connor munched away at the remaining snacks, seated on the sand in front of the flat stone, and Puffy leaned contentedly back on her hands on Niki’s other side, staring up at the starlight.

Techno still might not be the best at talking to people, but even he had to admit: if it meant getting him here, on a night that he would’ve otherwise slogged through in a stuffy party full of people he didn’t know, he was pretty glad he’d done so.

Ayup. Not a bad place for him to be.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

hey stephy bephy, i have a song for you, and i know its not your usual stuff, but hear me out

drunk by the living tombstone

you may call it ooc, but to me it really sounds like one of sherlockian breakdowns!

especially the like 'was i just feeling bored? am i that insecure??'

wish you a good evening!!!

[Intro: Yoav Landau] Da-da-da, da-da-da-da Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da-da

[Verse 1: Sam Haft] (Just one drink) Gonna keep it mellow Responsible night for a polite fellow Say hello to my friends and comrades Don’t tend to offend so I say, "Perhaps" (Just two drinks) As a social courtesy We can raise a glass to our past fraternity It's certainly a perfectly normal and formal get-together But it’s been forever since we gathered so whatever (Just three drinks) For the sake of the old times Proceed with tequila shots with a dish full of cold limes The whole nine Laughing, remembering all the old lines Never used to work but I could give 'em another try (Just four drinks) Ya know, take the edge off I've had a hard week, I deserve to get soft Pick up another round as my friends depart, eh They may not stick around but I just got started

[Chorus: Sam Haft] Feel so much better than usual I feel indisputable, oh I think that I might be beautiful

[Verse 2: Sam Haft] (Just five drinks) Fuckin' treat myself Pour the Dom Perignon from the back of the top shelf I spend like God, put on airs to sell it Crowd pretends not to care, but I know they're jealous (Just six drinks) Let slip the dogs of war I'm gonna start a fuckin' riot 'til I'm tossed out the front door Zero to sixty, I can turn on a dime I'm hitting bottom and I'm feeling like committing a crime (Just eight drinks) Maybe I've lost count? I can’t remember the night, what I drank, or the amount I’m fading in and out, my very consciousness is crumbling— Sorry, was I saying something? (Twelve drinks) Strolling out of the hospital Is it hair of the dog if you stay drunk and don't stop at all? Another night, losing it more than I can afford Was I just feeling bored? Am I that insecure?

[Chorus: Sam Haft] Feel so much better than usual I feel indisputable, oh But now I'm feeling so beautiful Don’t wake me up from this spell I’m under If I'm still breathing I know that I will be ugly when I feel like myself again, oh But now I'm feeling so beautiful

[Breakdown: Sam Haft] Bottle of Scotch served on the rocks with a shot of Cachaca Vodka, Sake, Kamikaze with a handle of Sherry A cherry Brandy with a Jaeger, Chaser, Champagne float A Bourbon, hot Toddy in teacup of throat coat Martini, Bellini, Negroni, Baileys, Kahlua, Sambuca Soju, Paloma, Mojito, Gimlet, Frangelico, Guinness Tequila, Manhattan, a Margarita, Old Fashioned Dry Vermouth and something I can't taste 'cause I'm so trashed Soldiering over, I'm slower, shoulder-to-shoulder with no one Stumbling, sobering, making friends with a smoker I know I'm less than upright, losing the fight with the ground Then someone hits the lights as they close for the night now I try to look at Heaven and I can't see the stars A billion-trillion eyes are winking as I walk between parked cars Metabolizing liquor while I'm losing my friends I'm gonna hate myself tomorrow (Then I'll do it again)

[Interlude: Yoav Landau] Da-da-da, da-da-da-da Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da-da

[Chorus: Sam Haft] Feel so much better than usual I feel indisputable, oh But now I'm feeling so beautiful Don’t wake me up from this spell I'm under If I'm still breathing I know that I will be ugly when I feel like myself again, oh But now I’m feeling so beautiful

[Outro: Sam Haft] My vision is blurry As long as I'm thirsty Nobody can hurt me, hurt me, hurt me

(Lyrics from Genius.com)

=====

Hey Lovely!

Yeah, it's a bit OOC, but the playlist is for y'all who think a song reminds you of Them!

Thank you so much for this one! I actually really like it, it's super catchy!!

🎶 LISTEN TO THE JOHNLOCK PLAYLIST ON [SPOTIFY] & [YOUTUBE] 🎶

[cynettic]

hi, i hope i'm not bothering you, but i can order a Scaramouche × Kitsune reader, the two met before the vision hunt (and before he was a fatui if you want) the reader was always in the same place, sometimes having a conversation , the good old routine, but with the hunting of visions the reader disappeared not wanting to give up his own vision, and years later a reunion, SFW or NSFW is by your will, thank you, I really admire your work

Summary - Scaramouche met you as a child, growing up with the constant assurance that you would be right there, sitting at your spot where he could meet you with every visit. He isn't happy when you suddenly disappear.

Pairing - Kitsune!Reader x Yan!Scaramouche

Warning - Slight Yandere warnings?

Penpal - Ahhh- hope this is what you were looking for. I couldn't find a spot to put much nsfw unless I considered writing more for the series ( I could, just put a request in if thats what you’re looking for ). But I hope you liked it!! You're not bothering me at all and I'm glad you like my work!

A/N - Alright- so considering that with the 2.1 update with Scaramouche coming in, I just wanna state beforehand that I wrote this prior so I dont know if we learn about his backstory or anything!!

Link for Part 2

Stay With Me

Scaramouche was used to the routine he’d found himself going along with every visit to Inazuma. As a child he’d pass through the wild fields that stretched just beside his hometown, adventurous and curious with all the tenacity of a child.

And of course you, a kitsune that sat perched on the ground awaiting the Kitsune Saiguu, was bound to notice him. Unlike the other earth kitsune statues, you hadnt turned to stone during your wait. Instead, staying in the same place did you interact with travellers and the locals, which included Scaramouche.

“Fox person!” The little boy chanted, pulling at the hems of your clothing. Bright blue eyes bore into your own, and you slowly shifted your head to pay attention to the boy who was on the verge of bouncing on you.

Humming in reply to his excitement, the little boy paused, both of his small hands still tightly clasping the fabric of your clothes. Soft matted hair brushed past his face in a messy manner, calling out the boy for his boundless running and rebellious urge to keep his hair messy despite his parents wishes.

“Play with me!”

Staring at the boy only a moment longer, you simply chuckled at his antics. “I’m afraid I cannot move from the spot in which I dwell~ Perhaps I’ll be able to entertain you if you bring cards?”

But the young boy had made up his mind at the statement to which you couldn't move. A pitiful frown enfluged his face as he cast you the nastiest glare a five year old could muster. “Boring!” He shouted into the distance of the fields, dramatically turning on his heels and bouncing up into a sprint away. You watched his small figure fade away into the background, absentmindedly sighing and returning to your mindless thoughts.

As a child, Scaramouche would pass by you fairly often. Frequent when he asked you to play with him, and storming away with the same expression when you denied him. Nothing out of the ordinary, you’d lived for an exceptional amount of time, and even though grumpy children were not your specialty, you’d grown accustomed to their behaviour.

Growing up, Scaramouche got no better. You soon noticed his violent tendencies before they became an issue, the way the children shied away from him when playing Temari. Hiding in front of a tough exterior, he scared them away and laughed, approaching you later with tearful sob.

“Will you play with me?” He asked again, trying to hide the fact that he still wept when the other children pushed him away.

But your answer stayed the same, helping him wipe his tears and coaxing him into your arms. Not the first time you’d made contact with a human, but the first time you held them in such an affectionate manner.

It was clear Scaramouche was beginning to see you as some sort of pillar of reassurance when he began running away from home to simply ask to be held. You always welcomed him with open arms, urging him to head back to his household and sort things out. There was no harm in simply providing love and comfort for a child who received none was there?

“Now now, hurry back home little one. Your parents must be growing awfully worried if you’re out by this time at night.”

“My parents dont care about me!”

Darkness slowly pooled into the fields, an obscure shade covering the two of you from the tree you were under. Biting back form your normal emotionless statements, you pondered for something to soothe and convince the boy. Misunderstandings and hardships were normal from what youd seen with children, and you could only offer your hand on his shoulder, a promise. “Go back, I promise to stay here if anything further happens. But you shold give them another chance dont you think?”

And so he’d sprint back to his hometown, and you wouldnt hear from him again till he ran up right up to you a few days later. Begging you to play a game with him. The normal you supposed, and with a grin that seemed to stretch wider with every day, you told him the same thing you told him every single time.

“You cant move?!” Scaramouche nearly yelled one time, tiny fists curling at his side. “Thats… thats stupid!”

“It is isnt it?” You only smiled in response.

Unsatisfied with your response, he clawed your arm, pulling you with all his might. Strong, you realized with surprise that he was much stronger than most children his age. Easy enough to tug away from, but strong enough to take you off guard.

Snapping your hand back to your side, you narrowed your eyes. You weren't angry… no, you hadnt felt strong feelings like that after the disappearance of the Kitsune Saiguu. “Do not attempt to move me,” was your curt response, said in the most stern voice you’d used with the boy.

He’d looked at you only a few seconds longer before bursting into tears, turning away and running. You didn't feel regretful for defending yourself, only turning once more with a tired sigh to stare at the distance.

But just as you stayed ageless, Scaramouche grew older. Still, crossing each others pass was inevitable when you sat in the plains, just alongside the path that lead to his hometown.

With a permanent scowl that seemed to stain his face, he still seemed to have mature a tad bit. Maybe hadnt improved in the social department, because he now scared children and adults and alike, but more mature…

“Hm? Whats this?”

Once again, sitting criss cross under the large tree that provided the perfect shade on sunny days, you stared at the boy expectantly. His hands hesitated at your question, but he resumed shuffling. “Cards,” he simply said in response.

A small featherlike feeling flitted across your chest, making you feel lighter and… almost ticklish. A small smile crossed your face, and you recognized the emotion to be one of adoration. For him to have remembered words you’d spoken years ago, it gave you a warmth you’d sorely missed. A warmth akin to watching him and the other children grow up.

“Ew, dont smile like that, its creepy.”

Swatting at his head, he frowned further when you laughed. “You’re more mature,” you pointed out, lazily leaning back. “You need to work on your people skills though, as someone who hasnt moved in years, thats pitiful that I know more than you.”

“Shut it!”

But as he grew up, you hardly got to see much of him. He’d reached your height and then fully disappeared, leaving no goodbye. And much as you hated to admit it, you hardly noticed, not when days passed in a flurry. You were used to being by yourself, entertaining the kids and greeting the people that passed by.

Sometimes, there’d be the reminder of the warmth he’d given you. But it was quickly overshadowed by your duty to remain seated in wait for the Kitsune Saiguu. A dedication kept in its earnest, but beginning to dwindle.

Inazuma was beginning to change.

“The vision decree…” you repeated, staring at the traveller who’d mentioned it to you. “Care to elaborate?”

The new archon threatenening to take away visions from every inhabitant of Inazuma. It was preposterous, so much that you didnt move. Your vision meant the world to you, but so did the Kitsune Saiguu. You werent sure just how you weighed the two till you saw civilians passing by you, ones you recognized, ones that didnt recognize themselves.

It was snowing, cold snowflakes melting into your skin while your hair soaked in the water. Unflinching, you hummed to a little tune, awaiting someone to pass you so that you could attempt to strike a conversation of somesort. The unnatural weather distanced all who entered the field though, and you simply waited. For the Kitsune Saiguu, for someone, or for some form of entertainment, you didnt know. You Slowly closing your eyes, you decided not to care.

“Im gone for five years and you’re still sitting here like a dumbass.”

Eyes snapping open, you find yourself face to face with a complete stranger. Dark purple hair with dark blue eyes, piercing and dangerous in a way you dont recognize at all. Fancy clothing that you cant identify or put a name on.

The boy took a step towards you, crouching down to stare at you directly. His eyes scanned over your figure briefly, and he brushed the snow out of your hair and ears with one flick of his hand. In the next, he was offering a coat to you. “Take it, you’re probably getting cold.”

You leaned forward, ignoring the coat he offered you. Gently, you raised your hand to brush the hair from his eyes, centred on the way his pupils widened. Offering a small moment of surprise and one glimpse into the small childlike blue eyed wonder he was. “Kiddo,” you breathed, pulling your hand back and scanning him once again. “You’ve grown.”

“And you havent.”

Snickering at his comment, you took the coat. You didnt need it, but he looked like he didnt either. He was already wearing clothing that kept him warm, and with careful observation and an untouched coat, you settled on the fact that he’d brought it here. Brought the coat here for you.

“Still havent improved with those social skills of yours have you?”

He scoffed, letting himself fall back till he was sitting fully. “I dont want to hear it from someone who refuses to move an inch for years. Lazy ass.”

You open your mouth to retort, but instead laugh at his comment, shaking your head. “Gained some humour on your journeys have you? Bad words too it seems. Anyways...” He had sat down, which meant that he meant fully well to sit, chat, and catch up. That familiar warmth filled your chest, a contrast between the cold snow. “Welcome back.”

It wasnt often that Scaramouche visited Inazuma, but when he did, he was sure to visit you. The two of you would sit down for hours, talking about the most trivial topics. He never mentioned what he did in his time away, and you never asked.

But things began to go downhill when news of the vision decree finally took action.

“Its no joke anymore! The Raiden Shogun has taken custody of almost a hundred visions!”

In that moment you made your decision, weighing your vision over the Kitsune Saiguu. Awfully selfish you knew, but you’d spent decades sitting there in wait.

And for the first time you sat up from your position on the ground, clumsily stumbling upright but gaining balance. It takes a few steps until you’re back to normal, and you begin your journey in order to escape the Raiden Shogun’s vision hunt decree.

_-_-_-_

You didnt expect to see him again.

Long grass tickled at the skin of your legs, making you adjust your footing to no avail. Sun slowly descending past the mountains to mark the start of an evening and the soon approaching night. A normal day of exploring the mountains and islands of Inazuma, observing the constant changing situation, and running away from the vision decree like a favourite past-time.

With the exception of a firm grip on your wrist.

Dark purple like hair, same hate brimmed eyes and lavish clothing. You recognized Scaramouche the moment he had appeared, looking just as surprised as you were. That being before he snatched your wrist and snarled, “You.”

You wouldve considered it pure luck to find him, an unexpected reunion with someone you actually remembered. But no, his tone had some predatorial edge to it that had you cringing. Hard. “Yes, its me.” You answered back with a frown, trying to loosen his hold. “Nice to see you too, is something the matter?”

He only seemed confused at your words, pulling you closer.

“Something the matter?” He asked as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Well, to start, you’re not sitting at your damn spot.”

Taken aback for a moment, you wondered if that sole fact was what drove the boy to such lengths. Surely he couldn't be so troubled over the fact that you moved… “The vision hunt decree, I'm sure I mentioned that I was sticking around in wait for the Kitsune Saiguu. I decided to wander around and avoid the conflict until I could settle back.”

“You could’ve waited for me,” he stated almost instantly. “I could have protected you.”

You felt your brows furrow quizzically. “Wait for you? Why in the world would I-”

“Why wouldn't I?” He pushed you closer till he could fully grab both wrists, taking a step closer as if his words would resonate clearer in your head. “You took care of me as a child, it would only be fair for me to repay the favour.” But he only seemed to be looking for excuses. “And besides, you can't just up and leave… I didn't know.”

Before you could interject with the obvious answer that he didn't need to know, you stopped. You’d lived decades, nearly centuries if you’d kept count, and you had learned to read people's expressions even when you’d stayed away from them for so long. He didn't know. It hit you in the most unpleasant way that he wasn't aware that it was none of his concern. To him, you were just another thing he needed to keep track of, something he had control over. His face basically screamed, ‘I depended on you to stay in that place.’

Deep breath in and out. You’d lived long, longer than him, you could deal with a child throwing a tantrum.

“Don't worry,” you gestured to the vision ta your side. “I'm strong enough to protect myself, I appreciate your concern, but I’ll be back when the vision decree ends.”

Unconvinced, he pulled you closer, just until your faces were mere inches away from each other. “No,” he said in a stern voice. “I’d rather you by my side, where I can protect you. I hate to question what you’re capable of, but you’ve been sitting down for as long as I’ve known you for.”

“I’ve lived decades more than you,” a simple reply, hopefully enough to get by him. You snatched your hands back with ease, ears flinching slightly when a cold breeze swept past you. But you stayed firm, not wanting to look vulnerable against the imposing air he had around him.

Still unconvinced. “You’re coming with me.”

“No I’m not.”

You’d known him as a kid, watched him grow up along with all the other small ones in his hometown. And maybe you admit you cared a smudge bit about the warmth he gave you when settling down to play cards, but he was different. He had changed in the worst way and you weren't about to deal with it.

“So you’re not coming with me voluntarily?” He asked softly, taking a small step to which you responded by stepping back. He had his hands up, as if telling you he wouldn't hurt you. But the way he said voluntarily sent shivers up your spine.

“No.” Hand on your vision, you held your own hand up threateningly.

He took his time when tilting his head, taking a deep breath in, and then appearing in front of you in just a short stride. Too quick to react, you hesitated before you could attack him. You didn't want to hurt him, he was still a child in your eyes, and you paid the consequences for that. He slid his hand just along your neck, and a jolt of electricity seemed to thrum inside you just as you collapsed in his arms.

Scaramouche was quick to catch you, hoisting you up into his arms dearly. “I do hope you’ll come to understand,” he said softly, cradling your unconscious form in his arms. Making sure not to crush your tail when carrying your legs, he looked past the mountains, sigh resting on his lips.

Because Scaramouche liked to have control of the things he held dear. Like keeping all your valuables neat and tidy in a closet, he was happy knowing you were safe and stable in that spot you always sat on.

And he couldn't have you moving could he?

[harryhoney-bee]

okay idk how much can u even write about this, but we all know how harry always wears his hoodie even if its hot outside…hoodie and his short shorts 😏because idk but i think he probably wears hoodie so he doesn’t get recognised with his tattoos…anyways mby especially if the reader is with him. could u write something about reader always buying him sick hoodies because she knows he will actually use them…and mby them going on a walk with their dog, holding hands and he asks her why is she wearing a hoodie and he knows how hot she always gets, and she is like “i wear them because u do, and i dont want you to look silly alone wearing hoodie and shorts on a hot day😌” idk if u are even taking requests 😭love your blog🤍

Charlie

A/n: omg bestie I loved this concept so much! And my requests are always open <3

Summary: Y/n wearing hoodies when she's out with Harry so he won't feel alone.

Harry was one of the most famous men in the world, but he also happened to appreciate his privacy and the privacy of the ones around him, that’s why throughout his career he created strategies to not be recognized in public and ways to not be on the front of gossip magazines.

He used his main social media account purely for his profession, he tried his hardest to stay out of Hollywood and pop drama, he only had relationships with people he knew would respect his wishes of not appearing on Instagram posts, etc. But the one strategy that was the hardest to follow was wearing big clothes while he was out.

The man had a lot of unique tattoos, if someone from far away ever caught glimpses of his mermaid tattoo they would know it was Harry Styles. That’s why he always wore hoodies that covered his arms completely, sometimes he would also put on a cap, the only body part he allowed to be visible was his thighs. The man enjoyed being private, but nothing would make him wear hoodies and trousers during the American summer.

Since becoming a celebrity, Harry was always anxious about bringing “normal” people into his life, but it all changed when he met Y/n, his dog's new vet. She was pretty, smart, and most important of all, treated him as if he was only Harry. After two weeks he made another appointment, telling her that Charlie had hurt his paw (lie) and that he wasn’t feeling good (another lie). Charlie, as a good little puppy, made no complaint when Harry took him in his arms and placed him on Y/n’s clinic table.

After 15 minutes of her looking for what could have caused Charlie pain, Harry finally decided to tell the truth, he grew some balls and asked if he could have her number, that he would love to know her better. The girl felt shy at first, she wasn’t used to having people asking her out, especially a gorgeous man like Harry.

Harry sent her a message later that day asking if she would like to go on a walk on the beach with him and Charlie, the girl said yes, months later she and Harry were already dating. Y/n didn’t know much about the celebrity world, but she didn’t miss how Harry would always be careful while going out, always watching his surroundings, looking for cameras.

Y/n loved spending time outside, and even though Harry was always a bit on edge, he enjoyed it as well. She began to realize how sad he would get by having to cover up almost completely, so she decided to make this situation a little less sad by buying him some cool hoodies, that way he would always have a bit of her in him.

He now had a full collection of hoodies she had gifted him, he didn’t even use his old ones anymore, for some reason the one Y/n gave him was extra pretty, extra soft, and extra cool, just like her.

They were now walking on one of California beaches, Harry was holding Charlie’s leash, his other hand was wrapped around Y/n’s waist. Harry was wearing a grey beanie, pink shorts, and a black vintage hoodie, while Y/n was wearing cycling shorts with a sage green hoodie.

The couple decided to sit on the sand and watch the waves as Charlie ran freely through the empty beach. “I would go swimming right now if I had brought my bikini, it’s so hot,” she complained, resting her head on his shoulder.

Harry turned his head to her. “Well, why are you even wearing a hoodie right now, darling? I think I’m about to combust here, the temperature is way too high today,” he said.

Y/n looked, burying her feet into the sand. “I just don’t want you to feel alone.” She mumbled.

He looked at her, confusion on his face. “What do you mean?”

“I know you cover up so you won’t be recognized, it wouldn’t make sense for me to dress normally while I’m with you because people would connect the dots and the fans would know it’s you,” she said. smiling at his boyish face. “Plus, I don’t want you to look silly alone. If you're gonna wear a hoodie on a beach in California, I’ll wear one too.”

“Who did I get myself such an empathetic girlfriend, huh?” Harry kissed her lips. “I hope you know I would wear my shorts to go to Antarctica for you,” he said teasingly, moving his lips down until he was kissing her neck. “I would actually do anything for you.”

“Oh, really? You know what’s something that you should do for me?” she said, matching his flirtatious tone.

“What, darling?” he asked, getting closer to her. “Just tell me.”

“You should go and pick Charlie up for me, he just decided to go swim and I won’t be the one bathing him today,” She laughed as his face changed from smug to grump in seconds.

They both looked at the sea, noticing the dog completely soaked in salty water and filled with sand. Y/n patted Harry’s back. “Go on champ, or else he’ll decide to go diving one more time.”

Harry rolled his eyes, getting up. “We were having a moment,” he told her, sounding like a spoiled kid who didn’t get what they wanted.

“Well, the fastest you get him, the fastest we can get home and have some time to ourselves,” she said with a smirk.

Harry had never run so fast after a dog in his whole life.

Tag list: @sunandherflores , @elenagilbert01 , @bellelittleoff @sunflowervolume66 @evanjh and @beachwood-cafe

[whats-her-quirk]

Regulars

erwin smith x reader 18+ warnings: explicit content, big hand kink vibes, praise, fingering, oral, face riding (because it’s erwin and I have no self control), overstim, squirting (it’s as close as I could get to pizz for you), a touch of cum eating, creampie, some age kink, & authority kink for good measure wc: 13k (I’m so fucking sorry) a/n: Words cannot contain the joy I felt when I learned that @present-mel​ was my elf for our server’s secret santa. I knew I had to write you some aot goodness, and because I wanted this to be all indulgence with no angst involved, I went straight for the commander and a good old-fashioned coffeeshop AU. Mel, you know that I adore you. Get comfy because this is a long one.

With a soapy rag draped over your hand, you wash off the tables in the coffeeshop just like you did the day before. You clean mugs and teacups, pour cups of black coffee and whip up iced mochas, take money and give change, all just like yesterday and the yesterday before that. Even as the morning rush is about to really start, today will be more of the same.

You’ve been working at Scout Coffee for close to four years since you graduated from the university a few miles away. Unfortunately, choosing a major had been a struggle for you, and your Bachelor of Science hadn’t led to any promising job prospects that didn’t come with huge drawbacks—shitty hours, shitty pay, shitty bosses, the lot. So instead of sitting in a call center or manning the front desk of some office building all day, you landed at the coffeeshop, which turned out to be a pretty decent place to land.

You like being a barista; you really do. You enjoy learning to make different coffees and breakfast sandwiches (your friends are very impressed with the way you froth milk for them, even at home). You enjoy the hip atmosphere of Scout, with its mismatched tables and walls covered in vintage posters. You love picking the music that pumps quietly through the speakers just above the counter. And you even enjoy making conversation with customers, many of which are regulars you know by name at this point. You feel comfortable here, and you’ve become close with many of your coworkers.

Still, you’re getting a little bored, a little restless. You’re perfectly happy, but the monotony of spending 40-plus hours per week within the same four walls is starting to get old. Your life is a cycle of work, reading, video games, and sleep. You meet up with your friends weekly for DND, but lately, you haven’t felt up to much more socializing than that. Between your bills and student loans, you can’t afford the vacation you desperately need, so instead, you lean your elbows on top of the dessert case and sigh, wishing something interesting would happen—something to shake things up a little bit.

The bell above the door jingles, and you don’t even look up, lost in your daydream of two weeks off and a trip to anywhere. It isn’t until Petra, who’s opening with you this Monday morning, nudges you with her elbow that you lift your eyes from the platters of scones and cookies under you.

“Ook-lay what just walked in-way,” she says in pig latin instead of just whispering like a normal person. You elbow her back for being so obvious as you lift your chin from the glass, but your mouth pops open when you catch sight of the man approaching the counter—a drop-dead gorgeous man.

He’s at least six feet tall, broad-shouldered and fair-skinned. He’s dressed in an expensive-looking blue suit with a tie, and his blonde undercut is styled flawlessly. His face is so perfect you barely even register what he looks like; you just know he’s too pretty to look directly in the eye. As he steps up to the register to put in his order, your feet feel like they’re superglued to the floor. Petra takes his order for a Colombian dark roast coffee you currently have available. He pays with a black credit card, which she swipes through the terminal while you stare. He adds a 20% tip on the touchpad even though he only ordered a single coffee.

Not only is this guy incredibly handsome in a way you can’t quite put your finger on, but more importantly, you’ve never seen him before. You start to wonder whether you manifested him by pure thought as Petra hands him his receipt and assures him that his drink will be out in just a few minutes.

He takes a seat at an empty table by the window as Petra grabs you by the shoulders and shakes you back into consciousness. “Hurry up and pour his drink. We can’t keep a guy that hot waiting!”

You force yourself to blink before fumbling for a coffee mug and pouring him a steaming cup of the dark roast from the coffee urn. Your hands shake dangerously, clinking the saucer under the mug embarrassingly as you deliver it to his table. He looks up, smiling closed lipped yet warmly when you set it in front of him. His eyes are so blue, they practically sparkle in the sunlight from the window. Sparkle.

As he looks at you expectantly, you manage to choke out, “Uh, s-sugar and honey and stuff are over there.” You point toward the little side counter where you keep the sweeteners and napkins.

The man lifts the mug toward his mouth by the handle. “Thank you.” He blows at the steam wafting off the hot coffee, his eyes flicking down into the mug, platinum eyelashes fluttering slightly. He takes an experimental sip, testing the flavor, before pushing back his chair and getting up. “I think I’ll take you up on that sugar and honey.”

You nod and swallow what feels like a ball of tin foil caught in your throat. He grins at you before carefully taking his mug over to the sweeteners. As soon as his back is turned, you rush back behind the counter. Petra is waiting for you with a huge smile on her face. You mouth to her, “Oh my god.”

“I know,” she gushes because she does know exactly what you’re thinking. “Holy shit, that might be the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen. He looks like a Greek god. I just wanna tackle him.”

“You’re in a relationship,” you remind her.

“Yes, but if I weren’t, I’m telling you I’d climb that like a tree. But since I can’t, you have to.”

You cackle so hard and so suddenly you almost fall over. You? Have a chance with that guy? “Good one.”

She pouts, leaning her back on the dessert case so you can just see the customer behind her. He’s pulled a book out of his leather messenger bag and reads it while he sips his coffee. Your heart does a flip. “I’m serious. You haven’t dated anyone in how long again?”

You don’t even want to say, so you ignore the question. “Look, you can tell by the way he’s dressed that he doesn’t even work in this part of town. After today, we’ll probably never see him again. So let’s just enjoy the view while it lasts and then forget this ever happened, hm?” You say it lightly, cheekily, teasing Petra until she rolls her eyes and returns to the register to help the next customer as a line starts to form.

Forgetting, however, proves impossible. Even as you’re dashing back and forth for ingredients, making multiple drinks at a time to try and move the line along, you can’t stop glancing over at the blonde man sitting in the window. He sits comfortably but with perfect posture, one ankle crossed over the opposite knee, occasionally flipping a page in his paperback or taking a drink from his mug. With every spare second, you catch yourself looking at him, scrutinizing his face like it’s a marble statue in a museum.

After an hour, during which you mess up at least three different drinks and have to remake them, you finally figure out what it is that makes him so remarkable. All of his features are strong: heavy brows over large cerulean eyes, sharp aquiline nose with a prominent bridge, pale but pouty lips, especially for a man, and a jawline and cheekbones that could cut glass. They’re all dominant, not just one. On most people, this would be too much, too overwhelming. But on him, his frame, his projected aura of easy confidence, it’s so perfect it hurts if you think about it for long enough.

And when he rises from his seat, places his mug in the wash bin by the trash cans, and walks out the door with his book under his arm, that hurts too. You miss him as soon as he’s gone, which is insane, because you don’t even know his name. You spend the rest of the day in mourning, trying to coax yourself into accepting that you won’t be seeing him again.

It’s all for nothing, though, because around the same time the next morning, he walks in and orders another cup of the same Colombian dark roast.

Petra can’t stop smiling wolfishly at you, but you do your best to hide from her. On one hand, you’re in shock that he came back at all. On the other hand, you’re panicking. If he’s about to become a new regular, you have no idea how you’re going to handle it.

He chooses the same table in the window, which just so happens to be open again. This time, when you deliver his hot mug of coffee, you exchange nothing more than a friendly nod for his polite thanks.

While you whip up double lattes, you notice that he’s still working through the same paperback, albeit much closer to the end than he was yesterday. You crane your neck to try and see the cover, but he has it folded back under his hand in a way that would make you cringe if he didn’t look so damn gorgeous doing it. There’s concentration written in his brows, like he’s completely immersed in the story despite the noise and bustle of the morning rush.

With the breakfast crowd served and happy, you busy yourself bussing tables. You linger near the window, scrubbing the sticky coffee rings off the table next to the blonde. Don’t people know you give them saucers for a reason? Still, you take your time, allowing yourself to glance up at him a few times, admiring the way his angular profile eclipses the morning sun. You don’t realize you’re staring until he looks up from his page for a sip of his drink, catching your gaze with a smirk over the lip of his mug. You inhale sharply through your nose and avert your eyes, mortified that he caught you looking at him. As soon as the table is clean, you make a beeline back to the counter and restock the dessert case in shame.

He polishes off his coffee and the book at almost the same time. Then he busses his own table again, as if you’re not half in love with him already. On his way to the door, he tosses a long glance over his shoulder, and you feel your cheeks heat and flush. As much as you want to watch him leave, you have to look away, coy and embarrassed. You’re being way too obvious, and he’s catching on.

Once your shift is over, you run a few errands, cook some noodles for dinner, and spend the evening playing a hack and slash RPG to take your mind off the beautiful stranger. You resolve that if he comes back again, you’ll stop obsessing. He’s just a customer who happens to be as kind as he is gorgeous, but that doesn’t mean you can act like a fucking teenager. You’re an adult, for christ’s sake. You need to get a grip.

---

Wednesday is Petra’s day off, so the next morning, you’re manning the counter with Moblit, who is sweet but quiet and tends to focus on his work. It would make for a peaceful morning if Levi wasn’t seated at the end of the bar top opposite the counter, complaining.

Levi works the night shift at the hospital, heading up the janitorial staff, and has been coming into the coffee shop since before you even worked there. He’s as much of a fixture in the shop as any of your coworkers. He knows everyone, making him overly blunt and familiar, and he’s always exhausted. He’s also dating Petra, which you aren’t sure how they manage since their schedules and personalities are so opposite. Levi is all doom and gloom while Petra is an energetic ray of sunshine, but hey. They complete each other.

Levi is in rare form this morning, slumped forward on his stool, elbows on the counter and one hand curled like a claw over the top of his teacup. He came straight from work, the dark circles under his eyes a testament to his long, overnight shift. Poor Moblit looks terrified as Levi traps him with his horror stories of all the bodily fluids he had to clean up the night before.

Normally, you’d tap Moblit out, knowing Levi will get pissy if someone doesn’t listen to him, and you’re actually grossly fascinated by his stories from the hospital, if you’re being honest. When you confessed to him that you might want to work in the medical field someday, he gave you what advice he could. Though it didn’t end up changing your employment situation, the two of you grew closer in the process as Levi stepped into the role of the wise older brother figure.

Moblit looks like he wants your help, but today, you’re sticking to the register, watching the door like a hawk to see if a certain tall blonde is going to walk in.

Your resolve to stop obsessing was crushed the moment you woke up from a literal dream about the mystery man. It was nothing overtly sexual, but you dreamt that you were lying on a picnic blanket in the park, and he was feeding you strawberries and reading aloud to you from another worn paperback. The ache in your chest when you awoke was crushing, the scene fading into the abyss of sleep before you could really wrap your head around it. While it wasn’t out of the ordinary for some of your customers to appear in your dreams, you’d never dreamt about one in such a romantic fashion before.

But what did it mean? How could you tell the difference between pure infatuation and love at first sight? And were you crazy for even considering it?

“Hey, moron, you’re staring,” Levi deadpans from the other end of the counter. You shake your head, refocusing your eyes on him instead of the door. When you look his way, Levi lifts his mug, signaling that he’s ready for a refill.

“Sorry,” you mutter, shuffling to grab the pot of Earl Grey you made for him, knowing he’d drink three or four cups before heading out.

“What’s up with you?” he asks once his cup is full again.

“Oh nothing, nothing,” you reply, breathy and dismissive.

“Bullshit. Something’s up and I know it. Now spill.” He narrows his eyes at you over the top of his mug as he takes a long sip. His gaze is so pointed, you’re ready to break down and confess everything about your silly crush.

“It’s just—”

The bell on the door jingles as you’re setting down the teapot, and you look up so quickly that tea sloshes out onto the floor. It’s him.

“What?” Levi groans, looking over his shoulder at the stranger approaching from behind. You ignore him completely, smoothing down your apron and situating yourself in a way that you hope looks casual behind the cash register. You also hope that Levi doesn’t say anything embarrassing, but you’re not holding your breath, because his people skills are not the best.

The blonde smiles when he sees you at the register, and you swear you can feel your heart flip over inside your chest. “Hello again,” he greets in that lovely baritone of his. Meanwhile, your throat feels dry and sticky.

“Uh, hi again,” you echo, unable to find your own words. Your mouth is open, and you were hoping this would go better without Petra there, but alarm bells are ringing in your brain. You’re panicking. You finally squeak out, “So, the usual?” You wish it was a full sentence, but at least it’s a coherent thought.

He chuckles, perhaps delighted that you remember, but oh, how could you ever forget? He opens his wallet and replies, “Seems I’m becoming a regular.”

“Mmhmm.” The sound reverberates behind your closed lips as you punch in his order and swipe his card through the reader. Stupid, stupid, you curse yourself mentally, but you can’t find the right words when his face is distracting you. You hand the card back and mercifully, he speaks before you can

“I can just wait here while you pour it. You don’t have to carry it all the way over t

Your cheeks burn, flustered by his willingness to oblige. If only he were an asshole, then you wouldn’t care that he was so damn handsome.

You turn your back and pour the dark roast into a mug, place a saucer and spoon underneath, and set it down on the counter in front of him. “Thanks,” he says with a simple grin before heading off to add his sugar and honey. Your heart is pounding by the time he walks away, and you press a shaking hand to your chest, hoping to calm it. Too bad you don’t have time to before Levi chimes in.

“Wow, that was almost painful.” By the time you whip your head around to glare at him, he’s already looking straight down into his tea as he takes another sip.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” For all their differences, Levi is about as subtle as Petra, which isn’t saying much. You just hope he keeps the volume down, whatever he’s going to say.

Levi shrugs as he sets down his drink. “So, you like that guy?”

You fiddle with your hands. It’s not worth lying to him at this point, he already knows. “So it’s that obvious?”

“Tch.” He rolls his eyes. “I mean I guess I’d be surprised if you weren’t. He’s hot.”

“Oh my god. First Petra and now you.”

“I can’t blame her, really.” He’s so matter of fact, it makes you wonder if he’s ever been jealous, ever felt insecure when it comes to his love life. Probably not. With Levi, what you see is exactly what you get.

With a defeated sigh, your head and elbows spill onto the counter in front of him. There’s something about his nonchalance that makes everything come tumbling out of you. “He came in for the first time on Monday, and I haven’t stopped thinking about him since. But I don’t have a chance in hell, do I?”

Levi swallows the last of his tea. “I didn’t say that. Why wouldn’t you have a chance?”

You lift your head, resting your chin in your hands as your eyes wander toward the window. “You saw him. He’s obviously got his shit together, while I definitely do not. And he’s gotta be, what, ten years older than me?” You peel your eyes away, instead surveying the bottles of various flavors of coffee syrup lined up along the wall behind you.

Levi scoffs, then taps you on the arm. You don’t want to face him, but you do. He leans forward, looking you sternly in the eye. “You’re nervous because you don’t know anything about him. You’re idealizing him in your head before you get to know him. Once you break the ice, you’ll be fine.”

“Easy for you to say, mister no-filter.”

“Hey, I was nervous to ask Petra out the first time. And look how it worked out for me.”

“Yeah, but she’d also been dying for you to ask her out for weeks. And y'all were practically already in love anyway. You knew it was reciprocated.”

“Did you see the way he smiled at you? It’s reciprocated.”

“Fat chance.”

Levi clinks his cup against the counter. “You’ll regret it if you don’t at least try. Just wait a while, then carry a coffee pot over there and ask if he wants a refill. That’s your in. Then ask him about what he’s reading, and you’re golden.”

“I don’t know.” It feels weird taking dating advice from Levi of all people, but you have to admit, he swooped up Petra without a hitch. You shrink into yourself, wrapping your arms around your middle before chancing another peek at the window. He’s reading a different paperback today, you can tell by the size of it. You still can’t see the cover though.

“Hey.” Levi’s voice is a little softer this time, and that catches your attention more than anything. “If you can talk to a scary motherfucker like me, you sure as hell can talk to a guy as nice as him.”

That, you can’t help but smirk at. You punch him halfheartedly in the shoulder. “You’re not as scary as you think.” The eye roll it earns you is incredibly gratifying.

After about twenty minutes, and a little more ribbing from Levi, you fill a handheld coffee pot from the urn of dark roast. No one is waiting at the counter, and Moblit’s on standby in case someone comes in. It’s slow for a Wednesday, and your instrumental playlist is drifting calmly from the overhead speakers. Inside, you’re a hurricane, but you’re going to do this because if nothing else, Levi will never let you forget it if you don’t.

You carry the half-full pot of coffee carefully toward the blonde, rehearsing your line in your head. As you approach him, he looks up from his book, and you promptly forget what you were going to say. You raise the coffee pot to indicate your intent. “Uh, can I warm you up?” He raises an eyebrow. “Your coffee,” you correct hastily. “Can I warm your drink up?”

“Sure.” He shifts the book to his left hand, tucking his thumb inside to mark the page. With his right hand, he lifts his mug by the handle.

You don’t know how it happens. You reach out to pour the piping hot liquid into his mug, but when the plastic lip of the pot touches ceramic, something shifts, and there’s coffee splashing and glass breaking and his chair scraping against the floor as he stands up. There’s a dark coffee stain right on the knee of his tan dress pants, and you wish you could just crawl into a hole and die.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. Oh shit. Let me get you some towels.” You probably shouldn’t be cursing in front of a customer you just spilled hot coffee on, but your mouth is moving faster than your brain. You rush back behind the counter as fast as you can without spilling the rest of the coffee on yourself. Moblit is waiting with a roll of paper towels, but you quickly wet a clean washrag in the sink because god damnit, you probably burned him.

You run back to his table, where he’s still standing, surrounded by a puddle of dark roast and the smashed pieces of his mug. He has his hands up like he doesn’t know what to do with them. You feel like you’re going to cry. No, scratch that, you are crying. Horrifically embarrassed, you sniffle as you hold out the wet cloth. “Here, this is cold, for your leg. Oh fuck, I’m so sorry.” You need to stop cursing but you can’t.

You hardly look at him, barely register when he takes the cloth from your hand. You run back for the broom and dustpan, which you snatch from Moblit’s hands, bless his heart. You sweep up the broken glass in a hurry before anyone gets hurt. Oh lord.

“Are you hurt? Did the glass cut you?” This is it. This guy is going to need stitches and he’s gonna sue Scout Coffee for sending him to the ER and ruining his expensive suit. They’re gonna fire you, and you’re going to lose your apartment, and—

He’s laughing. You look up from your broom and dustpan to see that the handsome blonde guy is chuckling to himself. “No, no, I’m fine, really. I’m sorry for making such a mess.”

So he’s not bleeding. “But your leg,” you begin, but he stops you, sounding almost frustrated with himself.

“It wasn’t that hot; it was just what was already cooling off in the mug. But thank you. I’m really sorry for all the trouble.”

Your mouth opens and closes a few times, dumbstruck, before you sweep the rest of the glass into the dustpan. “No, it was my fault, I’m sorry.”

He sits down again, dabbing at his pant leg with his left hand while he wiggles the fingers of his right at you. “No, I wasn’t thinking. I hurt my elbow playing tennis years ago, and the nerve damage that acts up sometimes. I’ll completely lose feeling in that hand once in a while, and when it goes numb, I drop things. I should have known better than to hold the mug with one hand, but I didn’t have a bookmark. Stupid of me.”

There’s a lightness to his tone, a jovial self-deprecation that you know he’s putting on to try and cheer you up. But his story is just odd enough that you’re inclined to believe it.

“O-ok. Just give me one sec.” You scurry away to dispose of the broken mug. You pour him another dark roast in a paper to-go cup, add sugar and honey, and bring it back to him along with the roll of paper towels for the rest of the mess.

“Here,” you say, setting the cup down before mopping up the wet floor. Thankfully, the commotion has died down a bit, and people have stopped staring. “And I’ll refund the first cup from your card. Again, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s really ok. I’m just clumsy. Promise.” He turns his wrist a few times and flexes his fingers before extending his hand out to you.

You look at the wad of wet paper towels dripping down your arm and back at him. “Um.” You offer your left hand instead. He chuckles again and you shake left hands, his long, thick fingers dwarfing yours. Closer now than before, you notice for the first time the hint of a few fine lines around his eyes and forehead, the ghosts of many smiles shared over the years.

He nods. “I’m Erwin, by the way.” You offer your name, and he gives your hand a slight squeeze before letting go. Then he gathers his things and tips his paper cup to you. “Thanks for the warm-up.”

Hiding the blush on your cheeks, you walk away to dispose of the paper towels, finding it hard to turn away from Erwin. Levi was right; you were putting this guy on a pedestal in your head. He’s just a guy, not some god. But that doesn’t mean you aren’t still head over heels for him.

Oh no. Levi.

His hands are crossed over his chest, head cocked to the side. “So, how’d it go?” he asks too loudly. You shush him.

“You saw how it went.”

“Yeah. He likes you though.”

“No, he doesn’t.” The realization leaves you a little hollow inside. “I spilled coffee on him. He’s just being nice.”

Levi’s eyes flick over to the register. You follow his gaze to catch Erwin dropping a five-dollar bill—more than enough to cover the coffee you were about to refund—into the tip jar before turning toward the door.

“Yeah,” Levi drawls, leaning back in his seat. “You just keep telling yourself that.”

You turn around so Levi doesn’t see you smile.

--

Thursday is your day off. You wake up at a leisurely time, find something to eat, and watch a few episodes of the show you’ve been binging before getting ready for the day. You run your errands for the week, but even long lines at the bank can’t get you down today.

That evening after DND, you tell your friends about the coffee incident. When someone asks you if the guy was cute, you think of Erwin’s smile and answer yes.

--

On Friday, Erwin sees you before you see him. You have your finger on the nozzle of a can of whipped cream, and you’re just finishing off the iced frap you’re making when a shadow falls over the counter in front of you. You swirl the top of the whipped cream before you look up, and there he is.

“Hi.” You’re sure it sounds stupid, but he caught you off guard. Though you can’t say you’re unhappy to see him, not at all. As you let off the tip of the spray can, a bit of whipped cream drips off onto your pointer finger. Without thinking, you raise it to your mouth and lick it off.

Erwin’s clear blue eyes flick down to your mouth and back up to your face. He clears his throat before speaking. “Hi. I uh, missed seeing you here yesterday.”

Realizing that you just put your finger in your mouth, you lean over to the sink to wash your hands. It’s a good thing, because you can feel your face heating up. It happens with some regulars, you remind yourself. They like routine; they like the same person telling them good morning and pouring their coffee every day. But when Erwin says he missed you… you’re not sure how to read it.

You laugh it off because it seems like the only choice. “Yeah, Thursday’s my day off.” He doesn’t seem like the stalkery type, the kind of customer that you shouldn’t tell what shifts you work or what time you get off. Petra had one of those follow her out to her car once, some silver-haired guy that she had to get a restraining order for even after Levi threatened to beat his face in. But you could all tell that guy was going to be an issue as soon as he walked in. Erwin gives off no such vibes.

“Well, I hope you enjoyed it,” he answers sincerely.

“Thanks.” A moment of awkward silence passes between you before you think to ask, “Oh, do you want a cup of the Colombian?”

“Yes, please.”

Instead of taking the coffee to his usual table, which is clean and open, Erwin sits down at the bar top across from the prep counter. He doesn’t pull out a book, either, and the heat around your collar begins to rise. People only sit at the counter if they want to chat, and you’re flattered and flustered by it all at once. To distract yourself, you wipe down the counter again.

“So,” you start casually, remembering what Levi said about Erwin being just a person, “I hope you didn’t have any big meetings the other day after I spilled that coffee all over you.”

Erwin chuckles. “When I spilled the coffee?” You get the sense that this is going to be a point of contention for a while. “Actually, I did, but I keep spare clothes in my office because, like I said, clumsy.” He motions to himself, and though you still have trouble believing someone as chiseled and poised as Erwin could be considered clumsy in general, you have to imagine he’s spent a long time dealing with that old injury of his.

“Does your office have, like, a walk-in closet?” Yes, you’ve noticed over the past week that Erwin’s suits are always neatly pressed, like he gets them dry cleaned. He wears very expensive shoes, and a big silver watch. That’s not a cheap haircut either. Not like you’d ask him directly, but it’s driving you crazy wondering exactly what he does for a living.

Erwin shakes his head as he takes a sip of dark roast. “No, just a regular closet. It does have a pretty great view of downtown, though.”

“Oh yeah? Must be nice having a big, fancy office all to yourself.” You squeeze your lips together. That might have been a little forward of you. Reign it in, tiger.

Erwin remains unphased, though. He actually sounds a little dejected when he says, “Yeah, the view is one of the best parts of the job.”

This makes you quirk an eyebrow. “Is that so?”

Erwin chuckles. “I’m being a bit dramatic. It’s not so bad.”

You can’t stand beating around the bush anymore. “So where do you work?”

“Stohess Ad Agency. You’ve probably seen the building, it’s the tower with the bank logo on the top.”

You drop your rag into the sink. When he mentioned the view, you weren’t exactly sure he meant ‘skyscraper,’ but it all seems to add up. “So, you write ads? Any I’ve seen?”

Erwin runs one palm over the back of his neck before wrapping both hands around his steaming coffee mug. His fingers interlock as he lifts it toward his mouth with both hands. “I don’t write them anymore, really.”

You drop a hand on your hip. “So you’re, what, an executive?” You’re not even completely sure you’re using that word right, but you’re pretty it means one of the higher-ups.

Erwin hides his mouth behind the mug as he answers. “CEO,” he says simply, casting his eyes down, away from your face. His voice is quiet, but a smirk plays at the corner of his lip.

You’d be ashamed to admit it, but those three letters go straight between your legs. The power, the authority—it’s very much a turn on. You can imagine him behind a giant desk with his feet up, talking on the phone about getting some reports on his desk first thing in the morning. You also shamefully think about him drawing the venetian blinds closed on the windows of his corner office and bending you over that desk. But you’re getting way, way too ahead of yourself, mainly because Erwin falls silent after that, taking tiny sips of his coffee as his eyes linger anywhere but your face.

You lean your elbows on the counter you just cleaned, meaning you’ll have to wipe it down again, but it brings you below eye level with Erwin, who turns to look down the slope of his nose at you. You grin and ask, hoping to ease whatever this tension might be, “So, is it like Mad Men?”

Erwin cracks, eyes crinkling slightly as he shows his perfect teeth in a smile. He shakes his head. “Not really.”

The conversation meanders as an hour passes. Erwin waits patiently as you help other customers, always ready to pick back up where you left off when you come back. The two you settle into an easy flow of questions and answers, learning little details about each other along the way. You find out that he recently moved to a house in the suburbs, which made his commute to work longer but makes Scout Coffee the easiest play to stop for his morning pick me up on the way.

“Why the move, then?”

Erwin shrugs. “I was tired of my apartment. I don’t mind driving; the car is where I do my best thinking. Plus, I wanted more room for Daisy.”

Your stomach drops. “Daisy?” His wife? No, doesn’t wear a ring. His daughter, maybe?

Erwin reaches for his phone and taps a few times before sliding it across the counter to you. A photo of him and the happiest looking golden retriever you’ve ever seen waits on the screen, and you audibly gasp. This might be the most attractive thing about him yet.

“Oh my gosh, she’s beautiful. How old?”

Erwin takes his phone back and stares at the picture for a moment before sliding it back in his pocket. “She’s six. I rescued her as a puppy right around when I got promoted to VP,” he muses to himself, marking the time in his mind.

“Well, I’m sure she likes the extra room to run around.” Erwin agrees.

You don’t want to pry, but he makes it sound like he moved up the corporate ladder so quickly. It’s a world you understand so little about, never having worked in an office setting. The politics of it all, clawing your way to the top of a big company like that, it’s weirdly fascinating to you. You want to ask more about it, but you don’t want to come across like you’re trying to grill him. You decide to drop it for now, but you don’t want this to end. “Refill?”

“Please,” he says, but he catches sight of his watch as he holds out his mug. “Oh, wow. It’s already 9:00. I should actually get going.”

“I’ll make it to-go.” You’re careful to set the paper cup and sleeve down on the counter instead of passing it to him in the air. Just to be safe.

Erwin gathers his stuff, and you take a moment to appreciate the way the sleeves of his plaid button down are rolled up over his forearms. He’s still wearing khakis and a tie, but it must be casual Friday.

“So, I’m not sure if I’ll make it in this weekend, but…” Erwin lingers at the counter, coffee in hand.

You can’t hide your grin if you wanted to. “See you on Monday. Now go before you’re late!” You wave a nearby hand towel at him, and he laughs.

“I’m already a little late,” he confesses, “but I’m the boss. I can spare a few more minutes for coffee in the morning.” He takes a deep breath, like he wants to say something else, but then he just nods. “See you on Monday.”

He must not think you’re looking when he drops a couple bucks into the tip jar on his way out.

--

The weekend passes much too slowly. You spend a lot of it reading, some of it working on your next DND character, and the rest of it texting Petra and Levi.

Levi: He was late to work because he was talking to you. Oh yeah, you’re in.

Petra: HE LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKES YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

You’re embarrassed but so giddy that you don’t even tell them to stop.

--

On Monday, Erwin comes in a little later than usual. He misses the rush, so you pour yourself a coffee along with his. He’s dressed to perfection in a sleek, black suit, but his eyes look tired. Still, they light up when he sees you.

“Good morning,” he says in a half-sigh.

“Good morning,” you say. “The usual? Or can I interest you in a blonde roast?”

“What’s the difference?”

“Blonde has more caffeine.”

“Give me the blonde.”

This tired, almost defeated Erwin is something you’ve never seen before, never even imagined, really. He even lets his forehead drop heavily onto the bar top after he sits down. But he’s still here; he still came to get his coffee, and hopefully to see you. You spent all weekend looking forward to seeing him again, and not even his change in mood is enough to put you off. Instead, you look for ways to help.

You add the sugar and honey to his coffee for him and place it on the bar top next to his outstretched hand. “Rise and shine,” you tease lightly, hoping to ease his mood a little. Erwin lifts his head, and though he closes his eyes and massages the bridge of his nose between his thumb and pointer finger, a sleepy smile spreads across his lips.

“Thank you,” he says so sincerely, it could make you melt on the spot. As he takes his first sip, you can’t help but imagine him, in pajamas and with his hair a mess, drinking his morning coffee across from you at a spotless kitchen island. It’s a daydream you need to tuck away for later, though.

“Of course. So, what’s up?”

Erwin tells you he was up late the night before, looking over some spreadsheets that one of his employees sent in incredibly late. It’s something to do with financials, far above your understanding of how corporate business works, but mercifully, he only gives you the CliffsNotes version of it. He’s typically good about getting enough sleep, he tells you, but this morning, he’s running on only a few hours, plus he had to take Daisy on a walk, and get ready for a meeting with the board of directors that morning.

“So, you’re the boss, but they’re like, your bosses?”

“Essentially, yes.” Erwin downs the rest of his blonde roast. You refill him without even asking. “So, the caffeine is desperately needed today.”

“I hope it goes well. I’m sure you’ll dazzle them with your… statistics or whatever.”

Erwin smiles gratefully. “Thank you. The quarterly reports look good, which helps make me look good in their eyes. Enough about me, though. How was your weekend?”

“You have time to stay and talk?” You want to make sure you don’t make him late today.

“I’ve got time.”

You tell him that there isn’t much to report, but he’s not satisfied. After pressing you a bit more, you admit, “Well, I spent a good bit of Saturday prepping for the new DND campaign my friends and I are starting this week.”

“DND?”

“Dungeons and Dragons. You know, with the maps and the dice and fighting monsters and stuff.”

“Oh, right. I’ve never tried it. It seems… difficult.”

“Well, the stats and the lore can be really overwhelming, to be honest, but when you break it down, it’s really just using archetypes and prompts to tell a story together, you know?”

When Erwin still looks confused, you explain the basics: creating characters, crawling dungeons, rolling for initiative. By the time you get done with your crash course, he’s nodding along, looking much more enthusiastic than he was when he walked in. You don’t even know how long you’ve been talking when Erwin looks down at his watch. “Sorry, I’m probably boring you to death.

As he gets ready to leave, he tells you, “Not at all. I can tell you’re really passionate about this.” You’ve already made him a to-go cup, which he nods appreciatively. “Thank you so much. This day just got a lot better.”

“It was nothing. See you tomorrow?”

Erwin nods. “Tomorrow.”

--

On Tuesday, you barely have time to look in Erwin’s direction when he arrives, but he can barely get in the door anyway. There’s a marathon race in the city that ends about a block away, so spectators and runners alike have kept you busy all morning. Petra’s at the register and the line is all the way back to the entrance. Erwin takes his place in it and waits anyway.

When the order for the Colombian crosses the counter to you (Petra graciously drew a little heart on the slip to give you a heads up), you give yourself a moment to greet Erwin before diving back into the next order. He’s able to get a seat at the very end of the bar top, much farther down from where you’re working on drinks. You’re bummed that you can’t even talk to him while you blend iced lattes and froth foam, figuring he’ll leave before the crowd dies down, but an hour later, he’s still sitting there, mug empty and paperback in hand.

You practically collapse on the counter in front of him. “Ok. It’s my turn to be exhausted today,” you say, your voice muffled as your chin comes to rest on your crossed forearms.

“That was quite the rush,” Erwin remarks.

“Please. I want to talk about anything but coffee right now,” you sigh. You lift your eyes to meet his, thankful that he’s still there to help take your mind off things for a moment while Petra grinds more coffee beans in the back.

Erwin thinks for a minute. “Oh. I forgot to mention. I met your friend Levi.” You nearly spit out your drink. A little bit actually dribbles onto your chin, but you hide it with your hand as quickly as you can.

“When?” You panic momentarily, afraid Levi was out stalking Erwin because you physically won’t shut up about him.

“Your day off last week. We ended up chatting for a while.” When you slap your palm over your face, Erwin laughs. “Don’t worry, he didn’t tell me any embarrassing stories about you or anything.”

You roll your eyes. “Still, I hope he behaved himself. He’s not the best with people.”

“I’ll say he was a bit blunt, but friendly enough. He said you’re a big reader.”

If Levi was here, you’d strangle him. Whether or not Erwin asked is irrelevant; Levi taking it upon himself to be your wingman is mortifying, but you try to make the best of it. “Yep. I like the classics, mostly, but I pick up a contemporary novel now and then. How about you?”

Erwin ponders. “I’m a serial rereader. I’m always going back to old favorites.” He flips over the paperback on the counter, The Sun Also Rises by Hemingway.

“It’s a nice feeling, going back to a book and knowing exactly what you’re going to get out of it,” you muse. You draw figure eights with your finger in a ring of condensation left behind on the bar top by someone else’s water glass.

“True,” Erwin says. “But I also find that sometimes, when I come back to something I’ve already read before, in a different stage of life, that it hits me differently now. Do you ever get that?”

You think, trying to find common ground, but— “No, nothing really comes to mind. But I get what you’re saying.”

Erwin snorts, somehow looking incredibly attractive while doing it. “Must be because--” He cuts himself off mid-thought.

“What?” you tease. “What were you going to say?”

He rolls his eyes playfully. “Must be because you’re younger than I am.”

It’s the first time either of you has actually brought it up out loud, the age difference between you. You’ve been assuming, based on looks and his career trajectory, that Erwin has a few years on you, but you’re still too shy to ask how many. It seems rude, somehow. Instead, you opt to continue teasing. “I’ll assure you, I have plenty of life experience.”

Erwin smiles fondly. “I’m sure you do.”

--

On Wednesday, everything changes. You’re scrubbing down tables, just starting to think about how it’s already 9am. Erwin should have been here by now. He didn’t mention any meetings this morning, not that he has to tell you his whole schedule, but you’re starting to worry anyway. What if something happened on his commute? What if you offended him yesterday when you poked him about his age? What if—

The bell above the door jingles, and you hear a chipper dog barking outside. Never one to miss a dog spotting, you look up and your jaw physically drops.

You can tell it’s Erwin purely by his size. Instead of his normal business attire, he’s wearing a black sweat-wicking athletic tee, black running shorts, and bright blue tennis shoes. Unless you were seeing him in profile (because his is so incredibly distinct), you might have to do a double take to recognize his face in a baseball hat and sunglasses. A pair of earbuds dangle around his neck and wrapped around his hand is a red leash with a beautiful golden retriever on the other end. You look back and forth between him and the dog—Daisy, it has to be—until Erwin waves you over with a wide, toothy grin on his face.

You bite your lip and hold up a finger, signaling just a minute before dashing up to the counter. “Hey, Mobs, will you be ok if I step outside for just a second?”

Moblit, who was rearranging the tea bag display beside the register, shoos you away with his hand. “Sure, we’re not busy. Go talk to your boyfriend.”

“He’s not my—”

“Uh huh.” Moblit wears a sly grin on his face. He might not say much, but he’s definitely observant. Plus, Petra probably spilled the beans. So you drop it completely and book it outside.

You barely say hello to Erwin before you’re kneeling on the sidewalk to pet Daisy. “Hi girl! Oh, you’re so sweet,” you coo, absolutely melting under Daisy’s friendly gaze. She leans into your hands, letting you rub her around the ears and fluff up all her beautiful golden fur. It’s not until you get your fill of pets that you look up to Erwin, who is watching you with delight. “Hey.”

“Hey.” He offers his free hand to help you up from the sidewalk, but as he’s pulling you up, his wrist goes slack and you wobble a bit. “Damnit, sorry.”

You shake your head, remembering his nerve trouble. “Don’t worry about it.” You look back to Daisy, unable to keep your hand from stroking the top of her head. She’s incredibly well-behaved, a perfect lady despite the people passing by on the sidewalk. “Oh my god, I love her. Hey, I was wondering, did you name her after Daisy Buchanan?”

Erwin smiles. “You caught me. I’m a big Fitzgerald fan.”

You shrug. “Me too.” Selfishly, you take a moment to let your eyes rake over him. You’ve never seen him like this before. His shirt is tight, showing off every bulge and curve of his toned upper body, from his pecs to his traps. It’s clear he takes incredible care of himself, and what you wouldn’t give to sink your teeth into that muscle. You caught an eyeful of his calf muscles as you knelt to pet Daisy, and his legs don’t disappoint either. But finally, when Erwin takes a few steps to the side to let someone carrying a large box down the street through, you notice a hint of his dick imprint through the swishy material of his shorts. Naughty, lustful thoughts hit you like a freight train—appropriate, because all you can think about now is letting Erwin rail you. The feeling burns brightly between your legs before the sensation passes.

You clear your throat. “So, what’s the deal? You and Daisy playing hooky today?”

Erwin rubs the back of his neck. “Actually, I decided to take a few personal days now that the review with the board is over. They’ll survive without me for a bit, I hope.”

“That’s great.” Erwin has seemed a bit overworked, so you’re glad to hear he’s taking a little break for himself. Just about every time he mentioned his work, he sounded burnt out, now that you think about it. But that begs another question. “So, did you come by for a coffee, or…”

“Um, no, actually.” Erwin fidgets with Daisy’s leash. “I’m taking her to the dog park so I can’t actually stay, but I wanted to come by…” Erwin pauses, and you forget to breathe. Is he really…?

“I was wondering if you’d like to go out for something other than coffee.” His face remains calm, but he bounces the toe of his tennis shoe against the pavement. “Could I take you to dinner tonight? Tomorrow is your day off, right?”

Your mouth opens but no sound comes out. You’re sure you look insane, blinking at him with a surprised look on your face until finally, you say, “Yes. I’d love that.”

Erwin smiles and then fishes in his pocket for his phone. “Here, uh, put your number in. I’ll text you for your address and pick you up. How about 8:00?”

You get off at 4, which leaves plenty of time for you to run home, shower, and find something decent to wear. “Sounds great.” You punch in your number and hand the phone back to him.

“Ok.” He looks as surprised as you feel. “Ok, well, I’ll see you tonight.”

“See you tonight.”

--

When Erwin arrives to pick you up in a black Mercedes, you refuse to believe it’s actually him at first. In the back of your mind, you catch yourself thinking about it often: Erwin has money, but you’d like him even if he didn’t. It takes no convincing, no doubt in your mind at all, but you never want to come across like you’re just interested in that. Once you text him to confirm that yes, that is him parked in front of your apartment building, you check yourself in the mirror one final time before grabbing your bag and heading out to meet him.

As you plop down in the front seat, it’s still as if you’re surprised to see him there. You’re so used to only seeing him in the mornings and when you’re working, it feels like you’ve stepped through the looking glass as you take him in against the plush leather interior. He looks positively gorgeous in an army green henley that accents his broad chest and dark jeans—you didn’t even know the man owned jeans.

“You look nice,” he compliments as he pulls away from the curb. Compared to him, you don’t feel like you could ever measure up, even though you chose an outfit you love, but you accept the compliment graciously anyway.

The drive is short; once Erwin got your address, he suggested a restaurant not far from your neighborhood. It’s a tapas place with a bar that he says is great, but you’ve never been there before. When you Googled the place to see how fancy you needed to dress, you remembered why: the cocktails cost as much as you’d pay for your whole dinner somewhere else. Still, when the two of you step inside, you’re charmed by the low lighting and jazz music that sets the mood.

It’s a seat-yourself deal, so you follow Erwin to a tall bistro table with two stools, putting a little distance between yourselves and the noisy bar. As you trail behind him, you can’t help but admire how incredible his ass looks in his jeans. Your stomach drops in anticipation, wondering where this night is going to go before you take a deep breath and try not to get ahead of yourself.

He helps you up onto the tall stool like an absolute gentleman before taking his place across from you. He slides a menu your way. “So, the idea here is sort of that you order to share, but if you’d rather have your own entree—”

“I’m fine sharing.” There’s something very sweet and cozy about the idea of splitting appetizers like a real couple. The thought strikes you with momentary panic, oh god, you thought this was a date, but what if he didn’t—

“I hope this isn’t too much for a first date,” Erwin says, a soft look in his eyes. “I just thought you might like this place.”

You exhale. “It was a perfect choice.”

A server approaches your table before there’s time to flirt any more, and you put in your drink and food order at the same time, since you opted for a late dinner. You’re grateful, even though you don’t want to admit that you’re starving. You order your favorite drink but let Erwin take the lead and pick the appetizers. You’re a little overwhelmed by the menu because everything sounds so good. He picks three plates, and it’s not long before the server returns with everything and you dig in.

“So, how was the dog park?” By now, it’s pretty easy for you to make conversation with Erwin without it feeling forced. All those mornings spent chatting have really put you at ease around him, although you have to admit that tonight feels a lot different. For one thing, you’re not working, and you can put your full attention into him instead of making coffees. Now that you don’t have to do anything but enjoy his company while you talk, you find it hard to look away.

“Good, really good. It’s worth the drive into the city, and Daisy really likes it. Hopefully I tired her out enough that she doesn’t destroy the house while I’m gone.” The shadows from the neon lights scattered across the wall throw pretty shadows across Erwin’s nose and mouth as he speaks.

“A great start to your vacation, huh?”

Erwin tips back his whiskey sour. “Yes. It’s sorely needed, I have to say.”

You wonder if it’s the right time to ask, to test the waters without prying. Even though you’re in public, something about sitting in the dark makes it feel like you’re the only two people here, like it’s safe to bring things out into the open that you wouldn’t normally talk to him about. So you decide it can’t hurt just to ask. “Is it stressful, your job?”

Erwin lets his chin drop forward, eyes cast down at the table. He considers his words carefully before he answers, it appears. “Very.” He says it with a smile, but one that covers a hint of hurt just below the surface. He finishes his drink before he goes on. “It’s funny. I started as an assistant at the agency right out of college, and after I got my first promotion, I thought I had it made. I started climbing the corporate ladder, and the next thing I knew, I was on top of it. I wasn’t doing the legwork anymore, the creative work of advertising. Instead, I was making sure everyone else did their job and sitting in meetings all day. It’s exactly what I thought I wanted,” he confesses, “and now I’m always wishing I had done something else.”

Without thinking, you reach out across the table, letting your fingertips bump against his. You thought maybe it had just been a rough few weeks. But as pained as you feel for him, you’re also touched that he’d be so open with you. “Something else like what?”

One side of his mouth pulls up in a grin as he looks up at you. “It’s silly, but I minored in English Lit. I always kind of wanted to write the next great American novel. But that’s just… a dream, I guess.”

You shrug. “You could totally write a novel if you wanted to.”

“I’m 38, you know. I think it might be a bit too late for me to head down a whole new career path.”

Your guess wasn’t far off, but even though he has more than a decade on you, it doesn’t really change how you see him. “Ah yes, you’re practically an old man.”

Erwin laughs. “Talk to me when you’re almost 40 and tell me that’s not how it feels.”

You slide your fingers farther between his on the table, and you feel his hand twitch against yours, but he doesn’t pull away. “Seriously. I know I’m only 25 and dumb, but I don’t see why you can’t write if that’s what would make you happy.”

“You’re not dumb at all,” Erwin says softly, locking his fingers into the gaps between yours. He stares down where your hands are joined. “I like you a lot,” he says out of nowhere, and you feel your cheeks tingle. “To be honest, I was worried I was too old for you to be interested in me, you know, romantically.”

He’s trying to kill you; he really must be. Your heart flutters as you blurt out, “Hell no.” Erwin looks up suddenly, eyes wide. You reach for your drink with your free hand, but you can barely get a sip down before the two of you erupt into laughter together. You’re embarrassed, but also not, because it’s Erwin.

“Good to know,” he replies.

You work your way through the appetizers and a few more cocktails, conversation flowing easily throughout the night. He tells you a little more about his job, and you talk a bit about college, realizing that you both graduated from the same university in the city, just a few years apart.

“What if I was a little older or you were a little younger? Do you think this would have happened if we met back then?” You’re feeling warm and loose from the alcohol, but completely comfortable in Erwin’s presence. He’s pulled his chair around the side of the table to sit closer to you, leaning in as he listens intently.

“I think so. I was a little more uptight back then, but you were probably just as sweet, as passionate.” Erwin looks surprised when you click your tongue at him. “What?”

“I’m not really passionate about anything that really matters. After I couldn’t get a job in my field, I kind of just got content at the coffee shop. Not that I don’t like it there but… I’m not sure if it’s my dream job, you know? Like, do I want to do that forever? I just don’t know. I wish I at least had a plan.”

Erwin’s shoulder brushes yours, and maybe it’s the whiskey or maybe it’s not, but he leans in and kisses the side of your head, just above your ear. “Well, you can take it from me that your career isn’t everything. I think you care more about coffee than you think, but you also care about books and video games and DND and your friends. You should keep those things close, believe me. That’s the stuff that will make you happy.”

You close your hand around his again, the urge coming over you to make a move. You decide you’re done fighting it. “And what makes you happy?” you ask.

Erwin smiles slyly, then he takes the bait. “You.” He squeezes your hand as he closes the distance between you, capturing your lips with his in a soft kiss that almost makes you forget who and where you are. Nothing matters but the sharp taste of him as he presses his tongue against you, parting your lips to lick into your mouth. You don’t care who’s watching. You want him, and you want him now.

Erwin closes out his tab in a rush before leading you out to his car. As soon as he unlocks the doors, your knees hit the leather seat, and you lean over the center console to take his chin in your hands, guiding him back to your lips for more. You feel his breath on your face between every searing kiss until you capture his plump bottom lip between your teeth. You hold him there and suck hard, winning a desperate little pant from him. For a moment, you open your eyes, eager to see his face this close to yours. He’s just as beautiful up close.

You hate to break away from him, but you need more from him than you’re able to get in the front seat of his car. “Your place?” you pant against his mouth, mid-kiss.

Erwin pulls back, breathing just as hard as you are. His pupils are dilated, searching your face wildly—for what, you don’t know. “Yours is closer.”

As badly as you want to see where he lives, he’s so desperate that you would have let him take you in the bathroom of the restaurant if it came to that. He doesn’t want to wait, and you don’t either. With heat pulsing between your thighs, you agree and give him directions back to your building.

The second your door is locked behind the both of you, he pushes you up against it, pinning you under him easily. His huge frame covers all of you as he showers you with sloppy kisses that trail slowly off your lips and down to your jaw, your neck, your shoulder. He bites down hard on that shoulder, making you gasp and kick the door with your heel. You can feel your panties getting damp already, but you’re not even ashamed. His jeans leave little to the imagination.

You push against Erwin’s chest until he backs up, and you go straight for his belt buckle. He pulls his shirt up over his head as you fumble with the metal. The pads of Erwin’s fingers slide deftly under the hem of your shirt, brushing against the skin he finds underneath, making you shiver. As he slides his palms around to your lower back, pressing your hips forward toward his own, you lean back and rip the soft material of your blouse up, tossing it aside.

You leave a trail of clothes in your wake as you drag him to your bed, stopping every few steps to kiss again, to touch a newly revealed bit of skin, to press your body against his and feel him against you. You practically fall into bed with him kneeling over you, bulge growing in his gray boxer briefs. Of course he’s as attractive naked as he is fully clothed.

Erwin bites his lip as he teases at your inner thighs with his right hand, anchoring himself against the mattress with his left. His touch is feather-soft over your clothed core, and your back arches into his fingers as your head falls to the side. “Is this ok?” he asks, petting you lightly over your panties, surely feeling how wet you are for him already.

“Mmhmm.” Your eyes flutter closed and you press your lips together as Erwin pushes a little harder against you and rubs up and down your folds from end to end. Each time he comes close to your clit, you can’t help but whine for him, pretty little squeaks that have his thighs tensing on either side of your knees. Finally, after what feels like ages of teasing, you lift your hips as his middle finger catches on your sensitive bud, and Erwin mercifully digs in a little more and switches to a circular motion that has you writhing against him.

“God, yes, it feels so good, Erwin,” you whimper as your body starts to shake uncontrollably. He groans when he hears you say his name, and you feel his cock twitch where it’s pressed stiffly against your thigh. Your eyes roll back in your head; you can already feel how big he is, but you hardly have time to think about it before Erwin slows his fingers to a stop. You whine again at the loss of friction only to moan as he pulls your panties down your legs. You kick at them until they end up on the floor somewhere.

Erwin moves to your side just long enough to open your legs up wider, then situates himself between them, his own knees open wide to keep you spread and keep him balanced. He hunches over you, and you grab him by the shoulders as his fingers find your bare cunt, slippery and trembling for him. He runs two fingers between your folds, making lewd squelching noises as he coats his fingers in your slick.

“You’re so wet, it’s amazing.” His voice is breathy and low as he praises you, his words going straight to your aching pussy before his fingers follow. You’re wet enough for him to start with two fingers, and you feel each knuckle pass inside your little hole as Erwin groans with pleasure. “You take me so well. So well, angel.” He pumps those thick fingers in and out of you as you roll your hips, legs squeezing against where he holds you open.

A chorus of oh’s and ah’s tumble past your lips, your own voice out of control with how good Erwin’s fingers feel curling inside you. Every drag rubs against your hole as he plunges in and out. He stretches you slowly before adding a third finger that has you mewling and throwing your head back against your pillow. Your nails dig into the meat of his shoulders as you cry out, then you feel the rough pad of Erwin’s left thumb against your bottom lip. You kiss against it as he presses the finger into your mouth, and you feel him from both ends at once.

“Suck,” he instructs you, and you comply without resistance, wrapping your tongue around his thumb and sucking in. Erwin heaves a shuddering breath. “Good girl. Such a good girl.”

Your eyes open in a flash, and before you can warn him, you cum hard onto his fingers. He fucks you through your high, fighting against your cunt that’s clenching so hard around him. You feel like it’ll never end until he pulls his hands back with a hiss. Erwin holds his right wrist in his left and rolls it, lips pressed hard together.

As soon as you catch your breath, you ask, “Is your hand ok?”

“I’m fine,” he pants. “I just need a minute.” Though his hand must have gone numb, he doesn’t look all that concerned once the initial pain passes. He flops down on his side next to you and takes your hip in his good hand, rolling you over on top of him. “Please, sit on my face, angel. I wanna taste you before I fuck you.”

He doesn’t have to tell you twice. You shift together until he’s in the middle of your bed, so tall his feet almost dangle off the end. With your hands on your headboard, you spread your legs and lower yourself over him. You’re still feeling the dull aftershocks from his fingers, so you barely register any embarrassment as he gazes into your pussy before craning his neck up to taste you, just like he wanted.

Using the headboard as leverage, you rise and fall, slowly bouncing on your knees as Erwin explores you with his tongue. His mouth is unbelievably hot, in temperature and fervor, as you ride his face within an inch of your life. Erwin’s tongue jabs at your tightness, digging inside you as far as he can until he needs to come back for air. His lips wrap around your cunt as you lift up, slurping your wetness so lewdly you can’t help but moan as you grind down again and again.

You build to your second high almost impossibly fast, overwhelmed by his prowess as he thoroughly eats you out. As you feel yourself getting closer, you press your body forward, breasts squished up against your headboard, and then you feel it: the sharp ridge of his nose nudging against your clit. You bounce faster, unable to resist the friction of it against your most sensitive zone. You call out his name again, warning him of what he’s doing to you.

One of Erwin’s hands slides up between your legs, two fingers dipping inside you again as he licks ragged strokes against your cunt. It’s muffled but you hear him beneath you, pleading for you. “Come on baby. Can you squirt for me? I know you can. Please, I want you to make a mess. You can do it.” His fingers thrust so quickly you can’t speak, and when he closes his lips around your bud and sucks hard, you explode. You feel a gush of liquid rush from between your thighs—something you’ve only been able to do a few times before. You can’t hold in the scream that accompanies it, and you squeeze your thighs together, skin sliding against Erwin’s now dripping face.

As the shock dies down, Erwin slides out from underneath you, bringing your soaked pillow with him. He tosses it to the side as you settle back down onto the mattress and draw air desperately back into your lungs. He finds a shirt on the floor to wipe his nose and chin on before you see him push down his waistband and step out of his underwear. Your mouth waters as soon as you get a good look at his size: he’s big all around, long and thick with a pretty vein twisting up the underside of his shaft.

His breaths are heavy as he pumps himself lazily, looking down at you with glazed over eyes. “One more, baby? Can you give me one more while I fuck you?”

You nod madly. You can’t find the words for how badly you want him inside you.

“You’re so good for me. Condom?”

“I’m on birth control. Are you clean?” He assures you that he is, and you believe him. “Then forget it and fuck me.”

Erwin groans and lets his knees fall to the mattress again. You scoot down toward him, all your movements clumsy and desperate. When you reach out for him, Erwin’s hands go soft against your thighs, and he melts into you, leaning down for a series of lingering kisses that take your breath away. When he rises again, he finds the backs of your knees and pushes upward, spreading your legs back and out, leaving you incredibly open for him. “Ready, angel?”

“Please, Erwin.”

He moans, fingers twitching against your legs. He tilts his hips so that just the tip of his cock teases against your overstimulated pussy, but it feels so good, so right even though it almost hurts. You clench instinctively, trying to pull him in, and a few seconds later, you feel him enter you with a shallow rocking of his hips.

Adrenaline rushes through you, and you make sounds you’ve never even heard before as he pushes a little farther inside you with each thrust. Erwin is panting so hard, you can feel his breath on your face even as he hovers above you, pressing down on your legs with those incredible hands of his. At this angle, not only can you feel his platinum pubes brushing against you as he finally bottoms out, but you can see them where the two of you are joined.

He holds still, shuddering and groaning as you squeeze around him; he’s so big you have no choice. It feels like you’re splitting down the middle as he stretches you to your limit, but your fucked-out mind needs, craves the pain. When you can’t stand it anymore, you whine and kick your feet to let him know you’re ready, and Erwin begins to move again.

Erwin lets his jaw hang open and his eyes flutter as he hammers into you, his strokes slow and deliberate. You feel that vein dragging against your inner wall every time he pulls out and slams back in, but it’s the one lifeline reminding you that this is real. This is really happening; you’re not just dreaming about it anymore. Erwin is yours, and you’re glad to let him take you.

Blunt nails dig into your hips as Erwin increases his tempo, huffing as he tries to talk you through it. “You feel so good… You take me beautifully... better than anyone.” He pauses to groan and you swear you feel his cock pulsing inside you. Everything below your hips is so wet, he glides in and out of you despite his massive size. Eventually, his sweaty forehead falls against yours, his body effectively folding you in half, and you scream.

His pace is brutal, building to something you’re not sure you can handle but you want all the same. Every few thrusts, he points his hips a slightly different way until he finds your cervix and taps against it. You can feel that familiar twisting in your gut, the intense tightness that makes you feel a little bit like you’re not going to make it. You squeeze as hard as you can, and apparently Erwin notices, because he asks a little too loudly, “Are you close?”

“Yes.” Your eyes are screwed shut. You can’t feel your legs. Erwin pushes himself back up and reaches down between you, finding your abused bud once more and rubbing those quick circles he must know will make you lose control.

Just before your vision whites out, he asks in a shaky voice, “Where do you want me?” In your state, he’s lucky you understand the question.

“Inside, inside,” you beg, and then the coil snaps. Your legs ache as every muscle tenses underneath Erwin, somehow pulling him even deeper than he was before as you writhe and cream around him. You fist your hands in his hair as he continues to rail against you before throwing his head back and releasing with a sharp, “Fuck!” You feel his cum running out of you as he shoots multiple loads inside, your pulsing walls milking out every last drop.

Erwin drops your legs at his sides before wrapping his hands around your waist, steadying you as he pulls out. He swipes two fingers up through your dripping folds, feeling your wetness one last time before rolling over and collapsing beside you. You clamber over against him as quickly as you can, pulling his hand up to your face and sucking his fingers clean. Erwin sighs and wraps his arms around you, holding you against his chest and stroking your hair.

“Are you… ok?” he asks between heavy breaths, and you nod.

“Better than ok,” you assure him. Maybe the best you’ve ever felt.

You stay curled together in your tangled sheets for a long time, holding each other. Erwin rubs circles into your back and your upper thighs with his knuckles, warming up your muscles that had fallen asleep while he had you pressed down. Soothing kisses are pressed to your forehead, your cheeks, your neck—anywhere he can reach—along with murmured praises. “That felt amazing. You did so well.” You don’t know if he notices, but you let one stray tear fall down your cheek, overwhelmed by not only how good but how complete this makes you feel.

After ages, Erwin uncurls himself from you. He looks at you so fondly, reaching out to brush his fingers against your flushed cheek. “Can I take you out for dinner again tomorrow?”

“How about you just stay for breakfast?”

“You don’t happen to have any of that dark roast in your apartment, do you?”

“I bought a bag. Just in case.”

--

A lot changes in the next five years, but a lot stays the same as well. You, Erwin, and Daisy live under one roof, but you commute into the city almost every day. You still work in a coffee shop, but now, it’s one you own. Erwin gave up his CEO position after his second book was published, but he kept his shares in the company, meaning you have a pretty little nest egg to fall back on, even after he helps you start your own business.

Recon Coffeehouse is located in one of the city’s hippest neighborhoods. Big tables are available for DND groups to reserve for their weekly sessions, and every Friday, you host video game tournaments. Gradually, you attract your own regulars, including your friends from Scout. Erwin sits at the end of the bar top most days, working on his next story. Being a business owner is a brand new challenge all its own, but you still find the time to work behind the counter at least once a week. Erwin puts a ring on your finger and stays by your side through everything. You’re exactly where you were always meant to be.

[after-witch]

A Simple Cup of Tea [Yandere Scaramouche x Reader]

Title: A Simple Cup of Tea [Yandere Scaramouche x Reader]

Synopsis: You have to be prepared and poised and perfect. But it’s hard to be all those things, even with the looming threat of your husband sitting next to you, when you’ve got a secret hidden underneath your clothes...

Word Count: 1875

Notes: yandere, forced marriage, abuse, bondage, NSFW 

Poised.

You must be poised. Every movement, every gesture, must embody a quiet grace. Your face must be pleasant, without seeming garishly joyous. Your voice must be soft, melodic, clear; yet loud enough to be heard without being required to repeat yourself. 

You must know how to keep a conversation going smoothly, like water in a stream, yet understand when to keep silent. You must know all of these things and so much more, and act on them at all times in the proper degree; all in order to avoid embarrass yourself and more importantly, embarrassing your husband.

In other words, you must be perfect.

And you try--you have to try, because what other choice does Scaramouche leave you?--but it’s difficult. You were never born for this stifled life he’s pushed you into, for a life spent mostly within the walls of his home or at most, behind the high, impenetrable walls of the courtyard.

A life draped in rich clothing, overseeing fine details of the estate that make your head spin. How many bags of this or that must be ordered per week? When should the bedding in that room be washed? What is the appropriate amount of money to put in a servant’s purse when sending them to the market? Questions you never imagined yourself asking yourself, which now fill your day with a gilded tedium.

There’s a deceptive leisure lurking underneath everything here. True, you no longer have to travel far and wide, selling your family’s wares from heavy baskets carried on your back; you no longer have to search the edges of the forest for edible plants to toss into boiling broth on days when you could not afford meat. You never want for food (unless he takes your dinner away as punishment) and any comfort you could need is within reach, so long as you’re behaving.

But you are on edge, always. Preparing yourself for another pitfall that might open up beneath your feet, and always looking for ways to improve yourself. Or at least ways to avoid earning your husband’s sharp disapproval. Regardless of your efforts, you have been on the wrong end of a harsh insult, a slap, a pinch, a cane, more times than you care to count.

Be prepared, be poised, be perfect. It’s the mantra you repeat to yourself every morning.

The mantra you repeated to yourself this particular morning, in preparation for a meeting he insisted you attend. A meeting which apparently required your finely-tuned skills in pleasing conversation and your much-practiced ability to “pour a passable cup of tea.”

Anyone else might assume it was meant to be an insult, but your time with Scaramouche has led to you to understand that the slightest praise towards you, while minuscule to others, was something you were meant to fall on your knees and thank him for. Sometimes literally, depending on his mood.

Why he wanted you to pour tea for some delegates from Fontaine, and what their increasing presence in the area really meant, you didn’t know. But it wasn’t your place to ask him, and the memory of recent stinging pain on your backside keeps you from feeling even remotely tempted to broach the subject.

So here you are. Dressed elegantly, but not garishly, as is proper for his wife. With a tea pot in your hand and perfectly arranged cups and the ghost of a pleasing smile on your face. Charming words drip from your lips, pleasantries, pleasantries, pleasantries--the type of words Scaramouche loathes yet drums into you all the same.

Prepared, poised, perfect.

Except for the slight tremble of your hands.

Except for the uncomfortable hitch in your breath as you speak.

Except for the fact that there are ropes tied snugly around your breasts, wrapping around your chest and criss-crossing between your breasts with an uncomfortable pressure, all hidden underneath the outfit he’d chosen for you that afternoon.

You’d balked, first--then begged. Begged not to be humiliated like this. What if someone sees? What will people say? You’d even tried to appeal to his pride, suggesting that if you couldn’t fully concentrate on your duties, well, how would that reflect on him?

All that earned you was a glint of a smirk and a tug as he knotted the rope encircling your breasts, making it even tighter than before. His final threat at your continued pleading--”I can always make you go out in nothing but the ropes”--finally shut you up.

And so, here you are. Face hot with shame and something more, silently pleading that your clothing won’t somehow shift and reveal the secret underneath. Despite the layers covering you, you still feel naked, exposed. As if the people indulging in polite conversation can see right through you, see the way your breasts are framed by the itchy ropes. See the way your body is responding to such a total humiliation. 

It’s not just the chafing rope that bothers you. It’s the pressure itself. It feels… no, you don’t want to think about how it feels.

Instead, you hone your focus in on the task at hand. Pouring the tea, a nice subtle blend made with Violetgrass flowers. A previous round of guests from Fontaine had enjoyed it so well that Scaramouche had you tell the teashop to start stocking up for future visits.

You wish you could hide the way your hand trembles ever so slightly as you pour the last cup of tea for a woman whose name you regrettably can’t remember. You normally repeat their names over and over in your head, lest you forget and endure Scaramouche’s sharp tongue (if not his cane) later on; but your predicament made it impossible to keep track of new information.

You might be able to enjoy the tea, enjoy the facsimile of polite conversation weaving its way around the table, if only you weren’t so distracted by the tightness, the chafing, the undeniable fact that--oh Archons above, that all of this was making your nipples humiliatingly hard underneath your clothing.

“Do you agree, wife?”

All eyes glance at you. Whatever Scaramouche just said had clearly be addressed to you, only you were too distracted to notice.

In the moments that you’re left half-gaping, mentally groping to somehow pull his previous words out from the ether, his hand snakes around your waist. You feel his fingers on the outside of the soft fabric, searching until they find their intended target--the knot--and tugging hard to tighten it further.

You gasp, your body lurching upward and forward at the sudden sensation of your breasts being squeezed, and the tea pot you’re still holding drops to the table. Time seems to slow to a thick crawl, and you can see the pot is not cracked, but tipped over, hot tea spilling onto the table underneath with abandon.

The sight of the dark brown stain spreading, trickling underneath saucers and cups, leaves you helpless until you force your shaking hands to grab the pot and set it back up on the table.

“I, I--” you start to stutter something. An apology? An explanation? But the constricting ropes and the dawning realization that you have just committed an extensive social faux pas--in front of guests, no less--leaves you helplessly unable to speak.

The guests, for their part, look suitably uncomfortable. The woman whose name you can’t remember is holding onto her cup, saving it from being intercepted by the trickling tea. You don’t know whether their looks are because of your embarrassing display or because they know your husband’s reputation, and feel pity for you. Perhaps a bit of both.

Scaramouche’s voice cuts through the tension, though it does nothing to lessen it.

“I apologize for my wife’s clumsiness,” he says. “I should have realized that she wasn’t up to the apparently complex task of serving tea.” His voice is dripping with condescension, making more heat rise to your cheeks.

Humiliation does not begin to describe what you feel as he gently--public appearances, you think--takes your arm and stands, bringing you with him.

“Perhaps you are ill.” He looks you up and down, faux-concern written all over his face. But you know what he’s really thinking about, as his eyes linger on your chest for a fraction longer than they should.

You swallow hard, and do your best to nod. It doesn’t take any effort to look ashamed at what’s transpired.

“I--I have been feeling unwell,” you say, making sure to project loud enough for the audience he’s curated for you. “I may be too tired.”

He shakes his head, as if he can’t believe your silliness. A silly, silly wife--that’s what you are. Never mind that it’s all his fault. Never mind that he chose to do this to you, and chose to do it in front of guests. 

A small, bitter part of you resents the guests for being there at all, resents the fact that they probably know you’re an unwilling ornament to the Harbringer’s obsession but do nothing about it.

But what good does resenting them do, when it won’t change your fate?

He takes your hand and gives it a pat, each touch patronizing to the core.

“Apologize to our guests and go rest. And send someone more capable to clean up your mess.”

You have to apologize for the fact that you spilled tea due to his decision to engage in some perverse bondage in a public fashion. You have to apologize for the fact that he deliberately made you do it, too, knowing how you might react when he pulled the rope.

It’s horrible and humiliating and unfair. 

But you do it anyway.

Turning towards the guests, gaze downcast with shame, you force out an apology; keeping your voice soft and melodic and clear, as expected.

Then you retreat as calmly as possible, feeling everyone’s gaze--but especially his--on your back as you leave. You catch the eye of the nearest servant as you make your way back to the bedroom, laying out the quickest version of events and not relishing the look of anxiety that crosses their features at the thought of dealing with Scaramouche after such an apparent social travesty.

But you only have enough energy to consider your own anxieties, so you continue on without thinking more about them.

Walking only seems to make the feeling of constriction worse, and you bite down on your lip as your sensitive nipples begin rubbing against the fabric with every step. It feels good, it feels bad--whatever it is, it’s all too much, and you want nothing more to cut off the ropes and hide until the morning.

Not that you have the courage to risk such an endeavor.

You don’t feel any calmer by the time you reach your shared bedroom, but at least your humiliation is a private one, now. And you can rest, at least until he’s finished for the evening. For a moment, you simply stand still, bringing your arm across your chest and pressing to provide some pressure, some relief, to your sensitive breasts. 

There’s an undeniable twist in your stomach when your arms brush against your nipples, and you hate it, and you love it, and you feel just as sick and perverse as he is when you slide a hand inside your clothing and give one aching nipple a pinch. You rub your legs together and ah, there it is--the pleasurable tingling and beginnings of wetness, and well, why not give yourself some pleasure, you think; why not give yourself something good and pleasant before he comes in and ruins everything with whatever sick punishment he’s concocting? 

It’s not until you make to curl up on the large bed, eager to relive the tension building inside you, that you see the scroll wrapped up on the pillow. With a sense of justifiable dread building in your stomach, you sit, and unfurl it. 

The words are written in Scaramouche’s familiar handwriting:

“Take off your clothes. Lay down and spread your legs on the bed until I return. Don’t touch yourself. I will know if you haven’t followed my instructions.”

Bastard, you think. As if your humiliation today wasn’t strong enough. Your hands go to undue the fastenings keeping your clothes together, and the first hints of bare skin leave you with anticipatory goosebumps. How long would you be expected to be on the bed, presenting yourself for his apparent pleasure? 

Bastard, bastard, bastard.

But--well. At least he didn’t tell you to bend over the caning stool again.

[nebulousfishgills]

Fanfic Asks, friend!

A [HTM], F, H, K, M, S, V, W

Yayyyyy more asks!!

A - How did you come up with the title for His Tenebris Moenibus?

Honestly, titling fics can either be the bane of my existence or the greatest thing I ever do. HTM was the former. This was about a year ago now so I don't entirely remember all the minutiae, all I know was that I wanted something in Latin to make it sound fancy. Then I just went through the process of putting together thematically appropriate combinations of words and phrases until Google Translate spit out something cool sounding:

Within These Dark Walls... in reference to the Creel House, is I think what One Year Ago Fishgills was thinking. Cause, as we know, a lot of shit happens in that house, and usually it's dark inside. Within the dark walls of the Creel House, These Dark Walls.

I wish I could say it was as clever as Diplopia, but no, this was very much Spaghetti Against The Wall To See What Would Stick.

F - Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why it's your favorite

I have no self control, you're getting several cause I can't pick a favorite.

I have two from His Tenebris Moenibus:

"If this is supposed to be hell... why is it so beautiful?" Emily asked quietly. "Normally I wouldn't think a place so desolate and destructive would be, but..."

"A world untouched by mankind." Henry said, somewhat answering her question. "A land with no structure, nothing chaining anything down. It's beautiful because it's free."

This is when Emily and Henry are banished to the Upside Down and they're exploring this new hellscape they're stuck in. Honestly, I just really, really love Emily asking why a supposed hell is beautiful to her. I think it's a similar effect to when people go to desolate places to appreciate the beauty that humanity hasn't touched/changed or simply can't, like the tops of mountains or sunsets.

Really, I think it just shows what this goal of theirs really means to them. To us, we see it as wiping out humanity and its structures in a bid for control out of a probably over-exaggerated distaste for human systems the rest of us understand a certain need for. To them, though, they see human systems as shackles or "straitjackets" that cascaded into the sources of their suffering.

It was social stigmas about young births out of wedlock that got Emily sent away to Valentina's and (as far as we can suspect) Virginia's need for the picture perfect nuclear family that Henry simply couldn't fit into that led to his troubles. They want to erase humanity to erase human suffering, suffering they went through. It's a horrible way of going about it, but when you scrape away the grime and blood it's somewhat of a sweet sentiment. And, to them, the blank slate the Upside-Down seems to show is opportunity, a blueprint. Sure it looks desolate and inhospitable, but that's not how they see it.

Besides, they survived in it for all those years. At the end they want, they'll be the two sole survivors. It just checks out.

Next:

"Emily... please..." Eleven whispered. "You... you were the closest thing I had to a mother in that place. Remember? We drew pictures together. You would sharpen my pencils when they broke because I pressed too hard. I drew a picture of you, me, and Henry. Outside of the lab in the sun under a rainbow... a real rainbow. I wanted you both to take me away from there, away from Papa. When I hid in the closet, I thought we were going to... before you... I thought we were going to escape and be a family. A real family."

"Don't be afraid." They heard Henry say next to Max. "Try and stay very still. It will all be over soon." Eleven continued, gaining back Emily's attention.

"We could have found a house to live in. You would teach me more words, about how life is supposed to work. Teach me to use my powers in a supportive way. Not using fear and punishments like Papa. There would be a garden out front with blue and yellow flowers mixed with roses. We'd run around the yard and play games. We could dance to whatever song came on the radio."

Henry raised a hand, caging Max's face like he had the others.

"I could go to a real school and make real friends. Henry could help me with my homework while you made dinner. Real food. We'd go to the park and go on the swings, each of us trying to go higher than the other two. We'd ride the Ferris Wheel on the fourth of July while the fireworks exploded over our heads. We'd host sleepovers for my friends and eat too much ice cream."

Emily's limbs tingled slightly the closer Henry grew to taking Max's soul.

"I never wanted to destroy the world or remake it. I never wanted to hurt people. I just wanted to escape, escape with you so we could create our own world for ourselves. A family. But after what you and Henry did to the others in the lab, I knew that we could never have that. I wanted to believe that you were both good people who were trapped like I was. And part of me still does, still believes you both can put a stop to this before it's too late." Eleven was fully crying at this point, tears dragging down her cheeks and dripping from her chin. "Please, Emily, listen to me. You were my protectors once... what you're doing is wrong, all of this is wrong. Stop this before it's too late to turn back."

I like this monologue I gave Eleven because I like the idea that she can find the power to resist and fight back within herself. In fact just recently I edited this chapter to remove most of Mike's monologue since one, almost nobody likes it, and two, it fits my theme-ing better if Eleven can fight back with backup support from both Mike and Will (he gets to encourage Eleven now, too) rather than total support.

That, and it's almost the other side of this coin the previous passage I included presents. Creating a perfect world shouldn't mean destroying the previous one and everyone in it, it should mean creating your own world for yourself and those you care about. Emily and Henry are just too damaged and disillusioned to understand the difference.

Eleven's perfect world was getting to grow up in a normal, happy environment with two people she saw as protectors, as opposed to Henry and Emily's perfect world where they're all alone with their abnormalities.

Now we absolutely *have* to take a peek at Diplopia since there's so much to unpack in almost every conversation. I'll be nice and just pick one, though:

"Henry, what's the matter?" Emily asked, her hands holding her upper arms as if stuck between sympathizing and chastising. He looked up at her, his bright blue eyes sunken and contorted in barely restrained anger.

"Don't you see what's going on here? They're trying to draw you in and take you away from me." Henry replied, pointing back in the direction they came from.

"Henry, don't be ridiculous. They're trying to be hospitable. I know it's hard for you to trust anyone, but you're being paranoid. Just because they're vampires doesn't mean they see you as a side dish." Emily said, her arms now fully folding.

"Please, don't tell me you haven't noticed Blondie over there looking at you like you're some fancy meal. His eyes never leave you."

"Just because Caius looks strangely like you doesn't mean you have to get jealous. He's just trying to be nice."

"You saying things like that makes me worry that you've fallen under his sway." Henry jabed his finger out again in an acusatory way. By now Emily was getting angry.

"I'm not spineless, Henry. To be honest, yeah, I've noticed. But you know that's part of what I do. I steal souls through allure. What makes this different than any of the others?"

"Because he has my damn face!" Henry yelled. "You fell for it once, who says you can't do it twice?"

"Henry Creel, do you even hear yourself? You're being a paranoid, jealous freak."

"Maybe you're not being paranoid enough!" Henry pinched the bridge of his nose. "I want to go home as fast as we can. I don't want you being seduced by these... filthy bloodsuckers!"

When Emily didn't reply right away, Henry looked up at her to assess her expression. Her face immediately told him that he had fucked up. His eyes softened before Emily spoke.

"You... you do know that's what I am right?" She asked quietly. "I feed off of blood, too. Do you think I'm disgusting? Is that what you really think of me?"

"What? No, Emily, of course I don't!" Henry was quick to defend.

"Yes, you do. Don't lie to me. I could see it in your eyes. Every time Eddie and I had to feed, you were disgusted. Even when this became a need, you thought it was disgusting. That I was disgusting. Is that it?"

"Emily, no, I could never--"

"But you did!"

To me, this is the point in the story where we see the tone shift I never intended to happen, but did. Before this, it's largely been goofy fun with banter and these characters from two different worlds interracting. Sure there have been asides and innuendos, but nothing to indicate it could go far enough that this could turn into an actual deep rift. If we read His Tenebris Moenibus before this, we feel like Henry and Emily's bond seems incredibly strong, indestructable, nothing could tear them apart. After all the shit they've been through, nothing can come between them, right?

Really, in an ironic twist that can be taken in multiple ways, Henry is his own worst enemy.

We don't entirely know what happened between the end of HTM and Diplopia aside from some vague references. Eddie has to get resurrected somehow and that bond has to form among the three of them, Henry has to return to his human visage for the original joke to land, and between all of this there has to be some type of grating in his and Emily's relationship. I always saw it as Emily always feeling like she's seen as the second best and having to put Henry first in ways she feels like she doesn't get anything back for it. Then oops, here comes Caius, suddenly putting Emily first and giving her his complete attention without any strings attached (yet at least).

We sometimes forget that Emily is an inherently selfish person, so I don't think she was completely happy having to abstain from sustenance in the form of souls to bring Henry back since it was skin he hated that she learned to live with, even if she missed his human self. And of course Henry thinks drinking blood is a little strange, it's only natural he'd be a bit put-off by it.

These irrational thoughts Emily keeps on having are more dived into in her little monologue right after this, but here is I think where we as readers start to understand that something isn't quite right. That this is more than just a goofy crack fic and that it's actually something very serious... even if that wasn't my intention. There's that blend of the previous comedic tone with some of the things they say at the start of this passage, but it quickly evolves into something angstier.

That, and I keep compulsively saying "you're being a paranoid, jealous freak" when I'm alone. Which, that line has its own layers, but for the sake of brevity that I completely devote myself to, let's move on. I want to provide one more passage, this one from Necrosis.

It's not a passage I've published yet, not by a long shot, so it might need to be tweaked when the time comes. I'll avoid and censor spoilers by changing tenses and cutting off at a certain point, so bear in mind I'm not delivering the full context or truth, but I really want to talk about this:

"I don't know." Emily's tone remained even as she continued speaking. "I didn't really have a family growing up. I had disparate fragments of one, I suppose, but never anything like people are supposed to have. My mother abandoned me, I don't know who my real father was... I had a father figure at one point but he... I don't like remembering him, making almost twenty years of my life a living hell on earth, trapped in sterile white walls with the only reprieve being one room painted with rainbows. A sick joke.

"I had one person to rely on for twenty-five years, the first man I'd ever loved. I thought he'd be the only one I would ever love, both of us being damaged the way that we were. But... well you know that story. I had a best friend at one point, and a little girl I saw as a little sister or daughter at one point... Jane, oddly enough."

"But nothing that every really felt... whole?" Sulpicia offered. Emily nodded.

"I know I have siblings, but I don't know anything about them and they don't even know I exist. And I meant what I said when I grew up with someone who... another sister in law I'll never know."

"What was her name?"

"Alice. He never talked about her much. Some memories best left to the past." Emily paused, choosing her next words carefully. "I betrayed them all at one point. Both my parents died by my hands, directly or not. I turned my back on my Papa, I betrayed El- Jane's trust, I managed to hurt Eddie twice, and I... abandoned the first man I ever loved and who ever loved me. I knew leaving him would emotionally cripple him and I don't know if my doing that ended up getting him killed. All the different pieces of what could have been a family and I betrayed all of them.

"The day I walked in here, I was given all the love I had been missing in my life twenty, thirty, forty times over. Caius matched the love I already had in my life and more came with him. Maybe when I agreed to marry him, I wanted his family as much as I wanted him. For so long I said I didn't need one because I had all the family I needed. Picia, the Guard isn't beneath me, they're my friends, my cousins, even my siblings. And I have actual siblings to boot. You're my sister and Marcus is my brother..."

"But?"

"But I think I saw Aro as my brother first. The first one who greeted me when I got here, one of the first people I saw when I woke up, someone who seemed as insane and flawed as I was... and the first person who called me sister. We drive each other up the wall sometimes, sure, but... I'm just not sure what I'm feeling because I don't know what I'm supposed to feel."

If you really critically think about it you might be able to piece together what's been going on, but if that's the case, so be it. This is by no means the end of this conversation, but I think it's a massive show of growth and introspection for Emily. Shit's been happening in Casa de Volturi and she can't just keep ignoring her problems.

That, and I really just wanted Emily to have a deep and personal moment with Sulpicia. Her sister by marriage, the only sister she's ever had. I feel like in twenty something years, Emily's talked about her past, but she hasn't been this vulnerable and detailed about it with anyone aside from Caius.

Me personally, I don't have a sister, but I know that can be a very important relationship and I wanted to display that to some degree. Emily simply can't go through life without letting people in, especially if she's going to be living with these people for thousands of years. She has relationships with the others, but again, other than Caius she's never been open about her past to anybody.

The twins are closer to younger siblings or even children to her and Jane isn't one you would usually exposition dump about your trauma to. Heidi's more like her Gal Pal she complains about current personal problems to rather than being abused in the Rainbow Room as a child. Mele maybe, but again, that's closer to a parent/child relationship and why would Emily burden Mele with past problems she can't properly comprehend.

It's not like Emily could talk to Marcus about this, the poor dude has his own baggage and hardly says more than a few words; Emily mostly ignores him. Aro's seen all of Emily's memories at one point most likely, so he knows all of this, but he's not the kind of guy she would pour her heart out to. If anything she's more guarded around him. Honestly, their dynamic is the closest Emily's gonna get to her relationship with Eddie in her Second Life, not someone you trauma dump to.

But I think it's important that Emily lets herself be vulnerable around more than just the person she's married to. I've written Sulpicia to be more wise and maternal... Chaotic in her own right, of course, look who she's married to. But honestly I really think Emily needed another woman to talk to. Someone who understands her (Sulpicia was an orphan as a human, too!) and who can be another shoulder to lean on. Emily letting all this out is a huge step for her as a person and for her and Sulpicia's relationship.

Of course this is by far the full context and it's not like this was a conversation that happened on a whim, lots of stuff has happened and it got ugly. Again, for spoiler's sake that's a secret for now, but even without all the context I think it's important to talk about this scene, even in part.

...and I'm apologizing for giving four very long answers to one question, the second one, no less.

NEXT!

H - How would you describe your style?

Many different ways. Descriptive first and foremost. I mean, sometimes I read other people's fics and think they're novel-worthy where mine may not be. Novella, maybe. I'm a bit jumpy sometimes, too, which contributes to that. It's rare for me to have many chapters cover the events of a few hours or a day, usually there's some kind of time skip. I'm getting better about it, I really think Necrosis is where I'm showing improvement with those skips, but they're still there.

I also can't really write something purely fluffy or comedic. There are ALWAYS darker undertones. I was talking about this with my JCB girlies on Discord just earlier today, but it's very rare you'll get a sweet moment from me that doesn't have some kind of undertone that makes it less than fluffy pristine. I can write Henry and Emily being affectionate all I want, it's never gonna be completely right. They're stuck in the lab forced to do this or that in regards to their relationship. They're in the Upside Down having a light conversation about murders they commited before making out on the sofa.

Guys, I turned a doppleganger crossover into a full blown angsty serious duology fic diving into relationship ethics and the role trauma plays in what we want in romantic partners and families. I can't write sunshine and fluffy clouds with unicorns relationship fluff to save my fucking life.

Lastly, this is something you've said about my writing before, but my ability to zoom in on small moments to display broader tones and contexts. It's one thing to say the conditions in HNL were abhorent for everyone involved, it's another to describe Two's tyrrany and all the ways Henry and Emily have been punished for small offenses.

A lot goes into my writing, so I couldn't give you a one or two word "style" to describe it as. Clearly, as with most things, I need six seasons and a movie.

K - What's the angstiest idea you've ever come up with?

Can I say ripping Emily out of Henry's arms after all they've been through together in a scene that made me sob while writing it?

See, the thing is that most of the angst I come up with ends up getting used in one way or another. I suppose in one answer that's probably cheating, it's all the endings that I never wrote or I said weren't canon where my characters just don't get happily ever afters.

Maybe Alice's vision was a reality and Caius really died in front of Emily, the asshole she gave up everything for just taken away in an instant that she can't reverse. Maybe Loki never came back to life in Endgame (in my version he did and got to fight with the other Avengers cause I was piiiiiissed he didn't in the original movie) and Olivia has to watch everyone else get their happy reunions she will never have and has to learn to move on. Vengeance totally consumes Keira until she dies for, ultimately, a lie she created in her head and leaves her daughter behind in the process. So many things.

But I have another idea.

This is not something Emily knows, nor will she ever likely know since I won't really present the chance, but even if Henry did survive after they split ways, she shouldn't see him under any circumstances or even come anywhere near him. If she did, she'd discover that he would be her cantante, her blood singer:

Emily's self control around blood is already extremely strained, if she were to ever find a singer, she'd completely lose it and they'd be dead and drained before you could even say la tua cantante. If she were to ever see Henry again, she's instantly kill him because she couldn't control herself. Then she'd have to spend the rest of her extremely long life living with the fact that she killed her first love with her own hands, all because she couldn't control herself around his blood.

In a sense, unknowingly Henry became something like a forbidden fruit to her.

She'll never know this because they'll never cross paths again, but it's something that I know. And I know the consequences of what would happen if they did meet again.

They're not pretty.

M - Got any premises on the back burner you'd care to share?

I'm always coming up with little ideas, usually going towards the already in-progress fics. But sure, I'll bite.

One is a one shot I spoke of a while ago that takes place towards the end of Necrosis, not after. It'll have to be written and posted only after this point in the story itself because it would go into major spoilers. But the idea is that Emily gets to go back to Hawkins for a little while to just see how the town's evolved since she left. An all grown up Eddie turns up and after they both finally recognize each other, he basically tells her what's happened to Hawkins. Again, I'll keep some details to myself so I'm not revealing all my secrets, but I think it's going to really help Emily fully move past her human trauma that's in a sense been her ball and chain to some degree.

I've also briefly toyed with the idea of maybe trying to do a little Rule 63 and do something with Emily and a Henry who's a female. I don't think it'd change the story all that much, but I'm a sucker for evil women in fiction, let alone evil women lesbian power couples.

Also there's a mild temptation that comes with the idea of something adjacent to a high school AU where Emily and Henry just had normal lives and met in high school. All the classics, extracurriculars they support each other in, Henry sneaking in through Emily's window to study and "study," Henry using Victor's car to take Emily to a drive in, prom night...

Dammit, I'm just going through "Seventeen" from Heathers, aren't I?

Of course, it's not so much a plot bunny for a fresh fic, but once season 2 of Loki starts coming out, Time Variance Detected is getting a sequel. That's always been the plan ever since I knew there would be a season 2, but I'll start the planning and such once we get our first trailer... @ Marvel hint hint.

And maybe I'll write some about Lydia, my Sweeney Todd OC. I have a story in mind for her, but nothing beyond a "this happens then this happens" barebones plan. It's always hard to write fics for musicals because where's the line between dialogue and lyrics that need to be said for plot reasons. It's an idea though.

I also have some drafts I need to finish up that could be considered new ideas, but you'll have to wait for those...

I'll probably even have more ideas before I post this, but I'll stop here.

S - Any fandom tropes you can't resist?

I'm assuming most of my signatures are easy to identify. Corruption arcs, redemption arcs, evil power couples, evil women, transformation scenes, [X] to Lovers, references to other fandoms (some more egriegous than others), and various forms of angst.

Actual footage of me writing my fics tbh.

V - If you could write a sequel (or prequel) to any fic out there not written by yourself, which would you choose?

Honestly... I wouldn't.

I think the fics I've read ended or began perfectly the way they did. Besides, they're not my stories and only their authors can truly continue them with the same essence and spark they started with. I don't think my writing style would truly capture that same feeling.

I'll instead use this time to do some Twilight fic recs since that's mostly what my bookmarks tab is... listen, the fics for this fandom can be straight up bangers.

This one I was initially apprehensive about since it's a first person fic, but honestly... it adds to the whole experience. The original novels are in first person and this author not only captures Bella's mannerisms, but vastly improves upon them. Plus, the tags of "Bella Swan with a Backbone" and "Out of Character Bella Swan" in sequence absolutely killed me. It's at a bit of a lul, but there are only two more chapters set to come out. Worth the read, 100%

This one just finished. This was I think my first forray into this flavor of Twilight fic and it's very well constructed. I always love fics that turn canon on its head, making Edward deranged at losing Bella and again, making Bella still feel like Bella, just Better. And the characterization is just 🤌.

This one. THIS ONE. MAGNIFIQUE. This author's got some wonderful works and I'd even go as far to say we're amicable. This fic made me feel so many emotions so intensely. I remember staying up well past 3 AM to just keep reading it before common sense won over telling me I had classes in the morning. Then the next day I kept reading... I screamed and flopped around so much I think my roommate thought I was dying. Again, not my usual prefered flavor but DAMN it's so good.

Plus, the way they wrote Caius and Athenodora's relationship made me feel like a middle schooler reading OTP fanfiction again. A peak feeling, squeals and audible "THEY'RE EVERYTHING TO ME" screeches included. You know, in case it wasn't obvious I'm very protective of Caius and whoever he's with at the time. That, and Thena deserves better and I'll go to my grave saying it

W - Do you like more general prompts, or more specific ones?

I like both for different reasons.

Specific prompts means that I get more ideas from the prompt that I may not have come up with in a more broad one. It lets me work around new curves and provides a fun challenge for me.

General prompts let me be a bit more creative, of course. The world's my oyster and I can create anything I want from just a simple idea.

I couldn't really pick one or the other (wow, look, the bisexual disaster can't pick, shocker!).

We're... we're gonna pretend like I don't have several writing requests in my inbox I've been sitting on for months or even years at this point... I'M VERY SORRY, I PROMISE I WILL EVENTUALLY DO THEM.

***

But thanks for the ask as always! And again, here's the customary "I'm sorry for going way too overboard" statement... I genuinely can't help it.

[mithliya]

hey i just wanted to say thank you for talking about your SA. i actually had a very similar experience w/ a guy i was really good friends with in high school.

he was my best friend, but i got pressured into dating him by my friends, family, his parents. (his mom guilted me into being w/ him 🙄 practically stalked me til i said yes)

he ended up abusing me for nearly 3 years.

and in that time i wrote stupid notes or letters to him making sex jokes cuz i was a KID. the lawyer we hired blamed me for his actions bc of the letters bc of he did 🤦🏻‍♀️

but even still, some weird part of me misses our friendship that we had before other people started meddling in our business. it makes me feel guilty sometimes, and other times it's relief. iunno trauma is weird.

uh but yeah. thank you for sharing, i know it's hard to talk about and be open with this sort of thing. i just wanted to say that you aren't alone as a lesbian who wrote dumb things as a kid or who missed/misses what friendship you had before your friend SA'd.

i think it's also extremely fucked up for people to judge your sexuality based on the way you tried to cope in the past, let alone now.

just know that a lot of women, myself included, really appreciate you being here c:

hey thank u for sharing ur story with me ❣️ honestly the thing that rly hurt about it looking back is it was in a v vulnerable time in my life. i rly had practically nobody. i lost almost all my friends bc i was suddenly a "whore" for getting raped. i would get these messages on all my social media accounts like "you deserved it" "you were seducing him" "haha hes living a good life and youre cutting yourself looooooooool pathetic!!". my friend group went from a lot of my school (small school but its normal for bahrain) to like ... 4 people in bahrain. one of them was that guy that had a crush on me since we were like 11. he would stand between me n my rapist and went to the principal about it so that i would have lesser proximity and was one of the only people who seemed to empathise w my situation. i felt quite indebted to him n everyone would repeatedly call me an idiot and tell me i should be with him and my mom would say she wishes he could be her son in law or w/e and at one point he started insisting that we are together despite me telling him no we are not & that i dont want to be w him. i gave up on saying no eventually n just went along with all of it. i felt like i was stupid for saying no ??? ppl kept telling me i was n i was like huh i guess i am. never said no again rly, up until the very end where i could no longer ignore it n keep putting myself thru any of that. after leaving that situation i saw how fucked up it was that there were all these obvious signs and me obviously signalling TO HIS FACE that i dont want to be w him, that im not interested in him, that it was further traumatising me n harming my mental health, and also the times where what he was doing would fall under SA....idk i felt stupid for facing one male friend taking advantage of me and then another one doing it soon after right in front of my face n i thought it was somehow different and normal and ok simply bc i wasnt getting downright threatened. but i know if someone else didnt hear my rape story n tell me "uh thats rape and thats fucked up" to begin with i wouldve also probably let that happen again n again too n not thought much about that while getting traumatised until afterwards too.

anyways... im glad that ur out of that situation. im sorry that we have some shared trauma there. shit like this is why i dont even trust "nice guys" anymore fr. i dont think that many ppl can rly understand that sort of situation and i can get how its confusing, bc it was a confusing time for me too. but idk why they think theyd know better than me about my own life either lol

[hansolmates]

17 going on 27

summary; one second, you’re sobbing at prom because the most popular guy in school dumps you due to your relationship being a little prank to break your heart. the next? you’re a creative editor at Ego, the hottest young adult fashion magazine. as you try to figure out what’s the deal with this sudden time skip into adulthood, you come across relationships and friendships that are made to be cherished and made to be broken. pairing; photographer!jungkook x editor!reader (f) genre/warnings; fluff, crack, future enemies to lovers, teenage and adulthood angst, time skips from high school!au to late twenties!au, 13 going on 30!au, all your romantic movie tropes come to life! a really big mess honestly, various movie and music references, mentions of sex, use of alcohol, everyone give jin and jimin a big ol hug, language, a surprise guest from the queen of england w/c; 22.6k a/n; it’s that time of the year baby! the time of the year where i binge watch the good ol’ early 2000s romcoms that make absolutely no sense! a huge thank u to @eerieedits​ for making this beautiful banner. vivi got the whole delia’s/claire’s vibe down to a t! 

if you enjoy this fic pls consider giving it a like and a share✨✨✨

March 19th, 2011

Thirty, flirty, and thriving!

You finger the dog-eared magazine, last month’s issue of a shoddy fashion magazine that featured top actress Jennifer Garner on the front cover. Her caramel brown highlights practically glow on the page, blown out and beautiful. You suppress a sigh, you long to be the radiant young woman on the cover. The headline is glittery, sparkly and just begging for attention. 

Swiping a hand through the pages, your eyes are crowded with over-stimulation. Colorful models dressed up in the latest designs, Chanel and Burberry suits you can only dream of, and happy women at the prime of their lives. 

Twenty-seven and in Heaven! You smile wryly at the cheesy rhyme that headlines the following pages, but nevertheless the happy model on the spread does indeed look like they’re in heaven. 

Sure, you’re no shrinking violet. Heck, you don’t even consider yourself painfully average. You may not be on the traditional spectrum of popularity in high school, but you get around and have a wonderful best friend and an even better boyfriend. However given the social classes that preside, you do get those moments where you second guess your life’s position. Good thing high school has an expiration date, and you’re close to the end.  

“Baby Bun, what are you doing?” the magazine is snatched from your grasp, thrown on the table without a care in the world. Jennifer Garner’s hydro-whitened smile gleams tauntingly at you, “reading that junk is gonna mess with your head.” 

Your boyfriend returns from his final suit fitting, his outfit for tonight all pressed and ready to go. He pouts at you, pulling you up by the hand to lead you out of the Men’s Warehouse. Jeon Jungkook. Captain of the lacrosse team, flying by high school with a sports scholarship already in the bag. Eats up attention like plants soak up the sun. Secretly loves taking photographs of his dog and watching Netflix animes at your house. 

“Aren’t you excited for prom?” 

“Excited to listen to LMFAO’s Party Rock Anthem on repeat?” you guaff, “as if.” 

He pinches your arm lightly, “You also forget that we’re gonna tear up the floor to Nicki Minaj’s Superbass.” 

You shrug listlessly, crunching the white plastic closer to your body. 

Before you can suck all the air out of the garment bag, Jungkook carefully extracts it from your grasp, easily holding it between his one arm so he can thread his other hand through yours. “I am excited! It’s just that… Jimin’s not gonna be there and we’re sitting with the Yearbook committee.”

Looking down at the floor you extract your hand from his, slipping into his parent’s Honda Civic. The yearbook committee, meaning you’d be sitting at a table with head editor Jennie and her group of friends. Friends that are popular and pretty, just like Jungkook. 

Jimin is currently on a flight back from Korea due to a family funeral, therefore leaving a seat empty at your prom table. It was only seat that you cared about, other than Jungkook’s. It’s no one’s fault and Jimin of course is doubly upset to miss prom, but without your best friend you’re not sure if you can survive the night. 

One of the few secrets you keep from Jungkook is the fact that Jennie and you aren’t exactly friendly to each other. You don’t know why, maybe it’s the fact that you don’t run the in same friend group or you always win the debate in Civics class, but Jennie clearly expresses her dislike for you as easily as she expresses her love for Jungkook. 

Which makes you incredibly insecure, but Jennie and Jungkook have been friends for longer than you and him have been together, who are you to intervene? 

Jungkook slips in the driver’s seat, but not before pressing a chaste kiss to your cheek. 

Right. You’re Jungkook’s girlfriend, and that should matter more than his friendship with Jennie. 

But the smell of his freshly cleaned lacrosse jersey, his duffle bag overflowing with protein powder and unfinished assignments remind you that you have your world and he has his. A conversation about your insecurities could wait until tomorrow. 

“When’s Jimin’s flight?” Jungkook asks, one hand on the steering wheel and the other tapping on your thigh as he pulls out. 

“He’ll be back two hours into the dance,” you report, albeit glumly as you rest your head against the cool window. 

“That sucks,” Jungkook replies, a bit of sadness in his tone, “he has to miss out on his prom night.” 

You shrug, “Prom isn’t everything, it’s about the people you spend it with.” 

“Well then,” he squeezes your thigh, “I’m glad I get to spend it with you.” 

You only have a few hours to get ready until you meet Jungkook at his house for pictures, so when you get dropped off, you tell him that he doesn’t have to get out of the car to escort you into your home. But Jungkook is insistent, putting the car in park and getting out your dress for you with such delicacy that you’re positively sure there’s no wrinkles in the fabric. Taking the dress from his grasp you wish him goodbye and a promise to meet each other later. 

“Wait,” Jungkook is biting his lip, unable to let go of your hand even though you’re already up the stairs. You’re looking down at him, a rarity considering his tall frame. 

“What’s wrong, Kook?” 

“Uh, I was just thinking,” he’s scratching the back of his head, and you soften. The little quirk he has is a sign of insecurity, being the star player Jungkook is forced to exude confidence to a fault. “Maybe, we could skip the prom thing? You said so yourself that prom is about the people you spend it with.” 

Your eyes widen, clutching your dress tighter. “What? Jungkook, that’s ridiculous. Between the both of us we’ve spent a lot of money on the clothes and the tickets.” 

“Right,” he forces a laugh, and you put a hand on your hip to think it out but you can’t quite place what’s going on. “Sorry Bun, I just know how the finale of our favorite anime airs tonight.” 

“You’re so silly,” you chastise, reaching down to pinch his cheek. Normally he hates it, but you can’t help but melt when he leans into your touch a little more. “C’mon, I know suits are stuffy and stuff, but let’s just do this high school rite of passage thing. Afterwards we can go to McDonalds or something and watch the recording.” 

“You’re right,” his face is red, “what was I thinking? Can’t miss out on a night to see my beautiful girlfriend all dressed up.” 

He squeezes your hand one last time, a little too tight for comfort. With a half smile he waves, going into his car and driving off. 

You don’t have time to dwell on his weirdness (and trust when you say that Jungkook is plenty weird and it astounds you how the rest of your class has no idea) so you fly up to your room to get your hair and makeup ready. Your parents greet you excitedly along the way, telling you there’s a package left for you on your vanity.

It’s a plain cardboard box, already cut and unwrapped by your parents for convenience. The address shows it came from Korea, proudly displaying the name of your best friend on the return address. Inside is a beautiful compact, made of brushed gold and pink metal. The makeup inside is a loose glitter from a brand that you don’t recognize, but since it’s a gift from Jimin, you trust his taste. 

I have to be at prom somehow, Jimin’s note on the box reads, don’t overthink and have fun! 

You snort, reading the sticky note over and over in Jimin’s voice. Looking over the shade, you can’t help but grimace at the cliché name. Wishing Dust. The color is a little too white and silvery for your taste, but you’ll wear it in honor of Jimin. 

The dress, the hair, the makeup all come together little by little. You like the ritual of getting ready, building yourself up to the highest order and feeling closer and closer to the beautiful women in magazines. Surprisingly, your favorite part of getting ready is applying the glitter that Jimin gifted you. The puff enclosed is cloud soft, and surprisingly the color doesn’t look too ashen on your skin. The glitter sinks into your skin like a soft butter, accentuating your collarbones and cheeks as if you are glowing from within. 

You smile at yourself in the mirror. A little part of you wishes you could look like this everyday. You wish you could always look and feel this confident, and act mature and graceful. 

A buzzing on your desk stops your wishful thinking, and you frown at the message that lights up your phone. 

Jungkook: sorry bun, but the civic finally broke down and its on its way to car heaven. Could we meet at the party hall instead? We can take pictures there, jennie mentioned yearbook hired a photographer

Disheartened, you send a quick text back saying it’s fine. Any more explanation on your feelings would reveal your disappointment. You don’t know how you’re going to tell your parents that they won’t be taking pictures with your boyfriend anytime soon. So you suck it in and take solo pictures for your parents and some group selfies. This is just one bump in the night, the rest of it should be smooth sailing. 

But when your parents drop you off at the venue your eyes first land on a beat up Honda Civic. You’re pretty sure car heaven isn’t at the prom. 

The rest of your entrance is a blur as you go through every corner of the venue, searching for your boyfriend. You’re clutching his matching flower in your hand, a beautiful red rose with baby’s breath circling around it, all clutched together in a black silk ribbon. You wonder what kind of flower he bought you. 

But it’s nearly impossible to find him. Not at the photobooth, the appetizer buffet, or in the lobby. It’s not until you’re sweating at the brow and nearing the corner of the venue that you do find him.

Lips locked, kissing Jennie. 

The plastic encasing Jungkook’s boutonniere drops, clanging to the ground. 

Whispers of you circle the air, meeting your ears and confirming all your insecurities. 

“Oh my god, I knew Jungkook was cheating on her!” 

“Wow, how pathetic. She ran all the way to prom alone to see this?” 

“I thought his girlfriend was a smart girl. How did she not know that their relationship was a bet all along?” 

Jungkook and Jennie are on the balcony, looking picture perfect in matching formal attire and flowers. The sun is setting, not taking its time as it sinks deeper and deeper into the horizon. The sky darkens and the air is chilly, much like your heart. 

Jungkook's eyes are wide and in shock as he watches you from the balcony, but Jennie’s are sharp and satisfied. Satisfied, as if the whole thing had been orchestrated. 

While you can’t hear him because he’s so far away, you can see the ghost of your name on his lips. Your ears are ringing, numb to the laughter of the students watching and the pity that others are throwing at you. You feel dumb. You feel like throwing up. In a bout of anger your heel digs into the plastic of the boutonniere, crushing the innocent rose in its clear coffin. 

You don’t make it far out the door when one of your favorite teachers snatches you in concern. 

“Honey, any further and you’ll be running on the highway," Mrs. Song jokes, pulling you away from the entrance. 

You feel like a newborn deer in your heels and incredibly heavy in your dress as Mrs. Song drags you over to a staff bathroom. It's far, far away from the actual party. Mrs. Song doesn't say anything, and just gives you a sad smile as she let's you go into the single stall alone. 

Sitting on the toilet and not giving a care that your dress is probably getting soiled, you bury your face in your hands and finally let the tears flow. Fat, frustrated tears roll down your cheeks without a care in the world. 

"Mrs. Song please, I need to get in there." 

"Now Jungkook, I think you've done enough for today. Go back to the party and don't worry about it." 

You can imagine Jungkook now, he hated it when people told him not to worry.  It only made him more annoyed, fists probably clenched under his perfectly tailored suit and his cute teeth uncharacteristically gritted. He cared to a fault, at least you thought he did. He ruined your night, he made you feel so dumb and silly.

But the longer you stayed in the dim bathroom, you could care less. Thank goodness for Mrs. Song guarding the door. Why would he bother to follow you? It turns out all your insecurities are not in vain, and that you’ve been ignoring a gut feeling you’ve mistaken for your lack of trust. You shouldn’t have trusted Jungkook. You shouldn’t have been so tolerable of Jennie. 

Goodness, you feel so stupid. You hope that there are other bathrooms for staff to use, because you want to coop yourself in here until the last dance. Mascara drips on your sleeves, your hands swiping at your cheeks to stop any tears from staining your dress even further. 

The more you hear Jungkook and Mrs. Song argue, the more you want to disappear. You bury yourself on the floor, uncaring of how dirty the tiles are. Glitter smears across your cheeks and sticks to your hands, and you no longer feel like the thriving young adult you once felt when you walked out the door this evening.

All you can do is cry and pray you can get through the night. And the next day, and the rest of senior year. You don’t want to see Jungkook or Jennie until graduation, when they walk out of the door and permanently out of your life. You wish you could skip the rest of the semester, and fastforward to the life you’ve carved for yourself in your dreams since freshman year. You wish you could be like the woman on the magazine, who has her whole life put together. To be a woman who holds all the confidence in the world and doesn’t have to worry about stupid men. 

Just like the cover. Thirty, flirty and thriving. Just like the models in the magazines. Twenty-seven and in heaven. 

Just once, do you want to taste the feeling of having life on your side. 

March 20st, 2021

Your first thought is that you feel disgusting. 

Of course, falling asleep in a random bathroom stall will make you feel those things. Your dress clinging uncomfortably to your sweating form, lulled to the sounds of Mrs. Song’s temperamental voice and Jungkook’s arguing. 

But for some reason it’s a different kind of disgusting. The feeling is rotting in your throat, as if there’s a tang stuck to the roof of your mouth. You also feel impossibly dehydrated, as if you’ve run a marathon. And for some reason you’re sore? Especially in the crotch, and you don’t remember experiencing any cramps yesterday. 

Your hands come to your body, and instead of feeling tulle and taffeta your hands are greeted with a silky black negligee that hangs across your waist. Panic stings in your bones like a stroke of lightning. 

Eyes snapping open, your breath catches in your throat when you take in the room. You’re on a large plush creme couch, large enough to be a bed. The organza curtains are a shade of bottle green and are opened slightly to let the morning sun in. From your view it seems like this is the top floor of the complex, overlooking the city horizon. 

You feel the covers shift slightly, and you realize there’s a naked man sleeping next to you. You scream. 

The man screams back with an even higher pitch, falling off the couch and clutching the sheets like a lifeline. “What?” he panics, eyes darting back and forth across the room like he’s on a reality television show. “What the fuck? Is there something on my face! Why are you screaming so early!” 

The fact that he’s an adult man and you’re seventeen is even more terrifying, and you feel absolutely naked despite the fact that you’re nearly clothed. But what confuses you more is that this man looks awfully familiar. 

Familiar in the sense that you’ve seen him in one too many television sitcoms to count. This man in front of you looks like Kim Seokjin, the protagonist of your favorite television show: Sky City. He has the same plump lips and pretty face, only aged up. But last time you checked on Soompi, Seokjin is supposed to be twenty years old and filming the next season in New Zealand. Arguably he could be his older brother, but he never acted and you don’t think he’d be the spitting image. 

“Seokjin?” you taste the name on your tongue, “Kim Seokjin?” 

Seokjin relaxes considerably, and he finds it appropriate to return to the couch, placing a tentative hand on your thigh. “Right, were you really that drunk? You got my name right, but it seems that you’ve forgotten that the only name you called me last night was sex god…” 

His plush lips meet the ends of your earlobe, and you squeal at the strange sensation. 

You’ve had sex with this man and you can’t even remember it? Furthermore how can a peasant like you be in contact with a celebrity? What on earth happened last night? Shouldn’t you be calling the police or panicking more? Where’s the pepper spray and sharp knives where you need them? You can’t even find it in you to find a sharp weapon at your once cherished-idol, who’s apparently unfazed and drinking in your body like he has a taste of it every night. 

“What’s the date?” you push him away, looking around for any signs of where you are and how you ended up here. 

“It’s the first day of spring,” Seokjin says easily, stretching out on the couch. “I wonder when the cherry blossoms will bloom. Should we have a picnic with Bogum?” 

“Where’s my phone, I can’t find my phone!” 

Seokjin doesn’t bat an eye as he digs through the couch, pulling something from under him. He waves it in front of your face. “That’s not my phone,” you deadpan. 

“Okay I guess you were actually that drunk,” Seokjin rolls his eyes, forcing the large piece of plastic and metal on your palm. “When you went to the bathroom last night you dropped your old phone in the toilet. We picked up a new one on the way to the next bar. Good thing the new Samsung dropped last month!” 

Since when are phones this large? You carry the strange weight in your hands, confused as to why Seokjin thinks this is your phone. You own a beat up 2G that barely gets any reception in the school basement. But when you turn it on, the screen recognizes your face immediately and unlocks. Wow, since when do cell phones do face recognition? 

A selfie of you and Seokjin appears on the homescreen, looking totally happy. 

Is that you? 

No longer do you have acne lining your brows, or uneven skin texture. Your smile is high and prominent. Your visage is clean and done with minimal makeup, highlighting your beauty. 

The date flickers on the top of the screen. March 20th, 2021: 7:42AM.

You scream again. Seokjin screams again for the heck of it. 

“How did this happen!” you shriek, dropping your phone to step up to the window. You bask in your reflection, mildly impressed and even more so afraid of what’s in front of you. Your body has filled out like an adult, and considering it’s ten years into the future, other things have filled out as well. Experimentally, your hands go out to your chest, squeezing. Yep, those knockers were not there the last time you checked. 

“Well, you came back from work completely drained from a shoot and I just finished filming my Everyday Skincare Routine video with Vogue,” Seokjin comes up to you, blanket tied around his waist like a long towel. “We met at our usual bar and do what we usually do when we’re both stressed: bang it out.” 

You watch as Seokjin’s hands snake around your slick silk, hugging you from behind like it’s second nature. “Is this a dream?” you ask yourself, because it’s not unlikely that you’ve had a sex dream with Seokjin and this is the aftermath dream. 

“Nope,” you yelp when Seokjin pinches your butt, hard. It stings. “This is real life, baby.” 

“Are we dating?” 

You feel Seokjin’s grip tense, and he shoves your innocent question away with a coarse laugh. “You know both you and me don’t do serious relationships. It’s why we work so well together, you know that.” 

“Right,” you reply softly. That doesn’t sound like you at all, and it scares you considerably. 

“So, I gotta go,” you panic when he lets go and starts searching around for his clothes. Your face heats up at Seokjin’s perky ass staring back at you, and your eyes dart to a random spot in the corner. “I got a green meeting with Ellen, and lord knows I don’t wanna face her wrath if I’m late.” 

In seconds he’s fully clothed in a plain shirt and jeans, pressing a kiss to your cheek. “Call me beep me, if you wanna reach me,” he sings, throwing a wave over his shoulder as he leaves you in the large apartment. 

The door slams with a hard smack and that’s when you collapse on the couch that feels foreign and strange, breaking into tears. 

The next time you wake up, it’s the next day. It’s a glaringly bright Sunday and for whatever reason you’re still in this aged-up body. Maybe time travel makes the body really tired. This isn’t a dream. You panic for the second time, walking back and forth around the loft that’s apparently yours. It seems like it’s yours, because the bills that linger on the coffee table have your name and the pictures in the one bedroom are of you and your family. 

But the refrigerator in the nook is digital and has fancy ice settings, something you could never imagine owning. Your closet is filled with brand named suits, and with every designer label you pass you mentally rack up the total of just one section. It’s enough to pay for your college tuition if your first choice accepts you. 

Wait. You’re apparently twenty-seven, college is long gone. 

Lying in your bed feels better, surrounded by familiar pictures of your cousins and family. Your favorite snacks are tucked with care in your nightstand, and it makes you feel a tiny bit better knowing that your favorite chocolate and chips will never change. 

What happened in the past ten years? Why don’t you remember anything and are you entirely sure this isn’t some strange fever dream? 

Time ticks slowly as you spend the afternoon, glued to your phone. It’s a 25 Note+ and it’s filled with multiple doohickeys and settings that make you feel technologically inept. You never thought you were bad with technology, but clearly these phones have a learning curve attached to them. 

You try to call your family, but according to the voicemail left they’re on a Disney cruise that you paid for. Your heart aches at the excited voice of your parents. Why are they on a vacation without you? 

The next thing you aim for is finding Jimin’s contact. According to Google Maps, you’re not far from your hometown and you know that Jimin’s always wanted to move to the city so he must be nearby. To your chagrin, his name isn’t on your contact list. Strange, he’s always number two on speed dial. 

Clicking on the internet browser, you go to the online Whitepages and search up Park Jimin. There may be a million ones, but maybe you could get a lead. When a picture and an address show up easily with one swipe, you scoff. The internet has no room for privacy ten years later, huh? 

The most casual thing you own in your closet is a Free People dress, reaching mid-calf with flowing bell sleeves. Heck, you couldn’t even find a single pair of jeans. You don’t care however, as you swipe your keys from the counter (you gape, you own a Tesla?) and race down to the parking garage. 

Jimin’s apartment is on the other side of the city. It’s strange, transitioning from high rises and shiny windows to quaint brick walls and lived-in patio spaces. You feel like it’s a race against time as you make it all the way to his room, knocking feverishly on the mahogany red door. 

“What? Who is it?” it’s clear that his room is cheap, the walls thin as you hear his voice shuffle throughout the room. Why are you shaking? It’s just your best friend. 

The door swings open and you and Jimin drink each other in. His baby fat has melted from his cheeks, revealing a handsome and charming jawline. His hair is no longer a natural black, but has been dyed to a sandy blond that suits his tan. His eyes, wide in surprise, are still a soft brown but not as bright as when he was seventeen. 

“Jimin,” your third round of tears hits you like a truck at the sight of your best friend, and you immediately run into his arms. 

But he doesn’t hug you back immediately. In fact, he doesn’t know what to do at all. Your name rolls off his lips like he’s seen a ghost. 

You pull away, as if you are burned. You flinch at the way Jimin regards you. “Is something wrong?” 

“I don’t know,” he looks at you, crossing his arms, “I don’t know what to feel when your old best friend suddenly shows up at your doorstep after ten years.” 

What? 

“Why would I do that?” you whisper, bracing your hand against the doorframe to steady yourself. 

“Well, after graduation you chose a college at the last minute. Decided to go to a prestigious fashion university in Europe. Shacked it up with some British guys and well, forgot about your past but I guess I can’t blame you.” 

“But I couldn’t have left you,” you know you’re not even talking to Jimin, but in fact scolding yourself for being so stupid these past ten years. “I was crying for you that night at prom. All I wanted was for you to be there and hold me!” 

That strikes a cord. Jimin pops his head into the hallway, looking back and forth to see if anyone is watching. He sighs when your tears turn into sobs, shaking your form. “Come in,” he mutters, ushering you inside.

Jimin’s apartment feels more like home than your apartment does. Cosy and warm with the scent of jasmine brewing on the stove. The pour of tea soothes you slightly as you relax on the worn leather couch. 

Jimin hands you a mug, sitting opposite you against the rickety living room table. “Are you okay?” he asks, showing genuine concern for the first time. 

“I’m,” you roll the muddy liquid in your grasp, watching the tea leaves tumble. “I just came back from the hospital, actually. Hit my head drinking last night and I’m suffering from memory loss,” you clutch your head for good measure, feigning injury.  

“Memory loss?” he gapes, unable to see through your lie. 

“Yeah uh,” you wince, “almost ten years of memory loss.” 

Jimin isn’t a man who thinks ahead, preferring to live in the moment. You figure he’s not going to question your excuse. Your former best friend nearly drops his tea in the process, hot drops burning his hand. He hisses, placing the plain mug on the table as he goes to his shelves, pulling out your class yearbook. 

“Ten years,” he shakes his head, looking like he’s just stepped into a Korean drama. “Is that even possible?” 

“Must be,” you sigh, not wanting to delve into the details of how you ended up in the future, “the first thing I did when I woke up was scream my head off. Then I woke up later and the first person I called were my parents who didn’t pick up, and then I wanted to call you but,” you squeeze the cup in your hands, “I couldn’t find your contact so I searched you up.” 

“Should we call the hospital or something? Maybe you shouldn’t be walking around like this.” 

“Don’t worry, they said the memory loss is only temporary,” you force a smile, knocking your head lightly with the heel of your palm, “I just gotta y’know, catch up a little bit. I thought you could help.” 

Jimin is patient, albeit a little nervous, watching carefully as your eyes glaze emptily over the old yearbook. You’re unfazed at the familiar faces and events that are described to you in detail, unable to recall what happened during the events that followed graduation. There’s barely any pictures of you, so it doesn’t help when he tries to explain as much as he can. 

You stop him at the sports section, pointing a finger at Jungkook being carried by his fellow teammates during the lacrosse championships. “What happened to Jungkook?” 

Jimin shrugged, “Blew his sports scholarship,” your eyebrows float to the top of your forehead, appalled that your former love would do such a thing, “decided to pursue his passion and went to an art school for a degree in photography.” 

So much has changed in the past ten years. 

“Hey, can you please stop crying?” 

“I’m sorry,” you warble, wiping at your sleeve as if the fabric didn’t cost hundreds of dollars, “I must be making you so uncomfortable by barging in. I’ll get out of your life—”

“No, not that. I just don’t like seeing you cry,” Jimin sighs, squeezing your knee, “of course I was upset when you suddenly upped and left town to study in another continent. But I was still happy for you. On the internet you seemed tons happier since highschool.” 

“I can say that’s no longer the case,” you mutter sadly, taking a long drag of your tea. The burn flows down your throat, digging you to reality, “I guess I just woke up and wasn’t prepared to be the person I ended up being.” 

“Well, what can your former best friend do to make it better?” 

Your eyes widen at Jimin’s uneasy stare, as if he’s wondering whether he said the right thing or not. 

“Um,” you bite your lip, “will you go shopping with me? I realized I don’t own any sweatpants or sneakers and I would really like to wear something comfortable right now,” you look despondently on your uncomfortable dress, swinging around the sleeves that seem to snag onto everything. 

“Okay,” he nods easily, “will you also buy me new sweatpants and sneakers? And dinner? I really want a New York Strip.” 

“What?” you furrow your brows, “can I afford that?” 

He chuckles to himself, pulling you up and wiping the tears on your face with a tissue from his pocket. You don’t even care to ask whether the tissue is clean, only focusing on the tender gesture that you’ve missed so much. 

“Honey, you’re one of the co-editors of Ego. I’m sure a couple pairs of sweatpants and steak will barely make a dent in your bank account.” 

You’re flabbergasted. Ego? The fashion magazine that’s on billboards and commercials? That Ego? 

After a couple checks through your bank account, and a triple check with a phone call and trip to the ATM, you’re sure the money is yours. It scares you, but also comforts you knowing that you’ve always been able to make it big. 

You barely bat an eye as Jimin tugs you around the city with a familiarity that has you reeling. You struggle to remember the streets you pass and the signs that indicate what part of town you’re in, all whilst Jimin basks in the fruits of your labor. You don’t give a shit, obviously. It makes you happy seeing Jimin slowly melt and grow more comfortable throughout the day. 

This is the kind of life you envisioned. One where comfort isn’t discarded for luxury, where the two cultures can marry. Jimin busts a gut when he sees you angrily shove your Free People dress deep in your shopping bags in favor of a black Adidas tracksuit that makes you feel like a soccer mom. Of course, he doesn’t know why you’re so aggressive with all your luxurious items, heck you even make him drive your Tesla, but nevertheless each passing hour brightens you up considerably.  

When you two arrive at a fancy steakhouse with a dress code, the manager doesn’t hesitate to chide you and suggest the Applebee’s down the street. 

You retort back that you’re an editor of Ego, and in seconds you’d have this restaurant swarmed with bad reviews. You know nothing about culinary review but you’re sure the manager doesn’t know that, and no arguments are placed after that. 

The evening puts you in higher spirits, and you’re almost convinced that you’re a successful twenty-something catching up with your former best friend. You’ve always been mature for your age, high school can do that to a person, and it makes it vastly easier to keep up with the new decade. 

“So,” you help Jimin get his bags up into his apartment. A little part of it feels like a bribe as you carry all the name brands on your arms, but you chalk it up to being compensation for the last ten years, “who are the people you hang out with now? Anyone I know?” 

“Well, Taehyung sometimes drops by if he’s free. He’s traveling the world now, he actually works with you,” Jimin provides the information smoothly, “only he works in the international business column. But surprisingly, the person I hang out the most with is—”

“Jungkook.” 

Standing face-to-face with your old high school sweetheart disarms you, and you’re sorely reminded that just you’re a seventeen-year-old in a twenty-seven-year-old’s body. 

Jungkook looks tired, and he rubs his eyes a bit as if to make sure he isn’t dreaming. You in the flesh, looking purposeful and confident as you hold three bags on each arm, each piece probably costing more than his rent. He’s filled out, what once was lean muscle and minor definition has turned into full muscle mass hidden beneath a large t-shirt and sweatpants that are two sizes too big. His face is still sweet-looking and baby-like, but his hair is overgrown and waving in front of his eyes without a care in the world. 

“Did I mention we’re neighbors?” you can practically hear the wince in Jimin’s voice, probably regretting that he hid that chunk of information from you. 

Jungkook tastes his name on your lips, and it sounds foriegn and strange coming from the both of you. “Good to see you,” he says, voice low. 

You barely formulate a response, replying with an equally nervous “right back at ya” and then you two resume staring at each other. While Jungkook hasn’t seen you in the last ten years, you saw him yesterday. Yesterday, where you started the day all peachy keen and it spiraled downhill shortly after. It’s jarring, knowing that your body doesn’t fit your conscience. 

“Well I uh,” Jungkook lifts his indicator to leave, a large garbage bag, “bye.” 

Jungkook shuffles out of the small hallway, and you get a whiff of his scent. It’s still the same, fabric softener mixed with his own musk. 

“I,” you start off slow, “maybe I should go talk to him?” 

“No,” he warns. “You and Jungkook are completely different people now, he’s just gonna think you’re pitying him if you go up and talk to him out of the blue.”

“But we’ve always been different people.” 

“You really think that?” Jimin shakes his head, “I know what happened at prom was rough but, I really didn’t think much of your relationship with Jungkook before that. It seemed like you were pretty compatible—”

“Up until the point he was kissing Jennie in matching flowers on the balcony like some kind of romance film?” you scoff, crossing your arms, “right. Super compatible.” 

Jimin sighs, as if he’s chastising a teenager. “Prom happened ten years ago, don’t act like it happened yesterday. People change.” 

You frown, because in your mind it did happen yesterday. 

Sleeping last night was hell. It’s one thing to be completely zonked out of your mind and unsure if you’re in a dream or weird coma, but knowing that you’re going to be stuck here for awhile is painful. Your loft is too big for your tiny body, your mattress cold and empty with just you in it. Without your parents to call and you feeling wholly insecure about your rekindling with Jimin, the only person you can really call is… Seokjin. 

And you really don’t want a repeat of your first night. 

So you suck it up, spend your waking hours in your office and quickly learning your tasks for work. You don’t even know what time you’re supposed to clock in, but from a sticky note attached to your MacBook it seems that you have a creative meeting at 10AM. You allow yourself two hours of sleep before you get moving.

The one exciting thing about your morning is that your outfit choices are virtually limitless. You feel like Cher in Clueless, all your outfits color-coordinated and organized by season. You pick out a springy Chanel number, a pale pink tweed skirt suit that has you feeling equally parts cute and an independent working woman. You even make time to buy yourself a coffee, because that’s what adults do right? 

Your office is gorgeous. Also located in the upper part of the city, the glass desk and high windows fit right in. You have an ideas board filled with various designs, fabrics and models to choose from. There’s a little frilly notebook straight out of the 2000s, all filled with phone numbers and special contacts all at your disposal. You even have your own cold press coffee machine complete with a mini-fridge. 

“You’re never this early, nervous for the meeting?” 

You squeal, nearly dropping your coffee as you take a tour around your office. You fight the urge to gape and point accusingly at the woman standing at your door.

“Jennie?” 

“In the flesh,” she gives you a cool smirk, holding her arms out for a hug. It really throws you for a loop, and you’re left stricken in your spot as Jennie closes the gap and squeezes the life out of you. Her grey pinstripe pantsuit crumples against your softer fabric. “You know you can’t get rid of me that easily.” 

“Jennie and you are practically besties,” Jimin sounds a little jealous while saying that, forcing you to scroll through your Instagram page to see the countless selfies of you and your high school rival, “I mean, at least that’s what the internet says. Went to college in Europe together and everything.” 

So it’s true. You awkwardly pat Jennie on the back, and she doesn’t seem to mind when she pulls away and tells you to meet upstairs. You mindlessly follow after her to the conference room, wishing a kind good morning to everyone that greets you. 

Once you make it upstairs, you flinch at the loud screech of your voice. “My favorite editor!” someone in a plaid red suit runs up to you and throws an arm around your shoulders. The editor-in-chief Jung Hoseok smiles brightly at you, leading you to a seat at the head of the table right next to him. You’re cosy with the editor-in-chief? This is crazy! 

“G-good morning Mr. Jung,” you stutter, trying to remain cool. 

“Did something happen to you this weekend?” Hoseok jests, pinching your cheek like a long lost sister. “You always call me Hobi.” 

“Oh,” you force a giggle, “you don’t even know how crazy this weekend was.” 

Hoseok simply laughs and gets himself settled for the meeting.

“I’m so jealous,” Jennie sing-songs, a manicured finger trailing over the back of your chair, “only the best of the best can sit next to the big boss.” 

The comment has you bristling. Are you really friends? Giving her a tight smile, she saunters to another corner of the meeting. On your section of the table is your itinerary and iPad, ready for note-taking. 

“One thing that we do at Ego is consistency,” Hoseok pulls up a projection of this year’s editions, all carbon copies of the same cover. “And while that is admirable, I want to put my top editors to the test and come up with the theme for next month’s issue.” 

Hoseok sends you yet another pearly white smile, and due to the sheer closeness you know that secret smile is only reserved for you. That makes you squirm in your seat, already feeling the pressure building in the pit of your stomach. 

“Take two days off this week to plan. Work out the days you’ll be out of the office with HR, those days you’ll be working in the city, finding ideas and inspiration for the issue. Remember, think outside the box!” Hoseok does a little fist pump, cutting through the air like his life depends on it. 

The whole lot of the group continues to stare at Hoseok, waiting for his next instructions. Then, the adults begin to panic, similar to a high school class that’s been told they have a pop quiz that’s worth half their grade. You sigh internally, you suppose high school never ends. 

“C’mon,” Hoseok urges, flailing his arms around, “get out there! Make moves, make money!” 

But the only moves you’ve made since 2PM are fleeting trips to the bathroom. 

Obviously you don’t have any memory of your degree or experience, so instead of feeling like an editor you feel more like a teenager playing dress-up. You couldn’t even sneakily ask Jennie for help because she deadpanned: “I’m not sharing any secrets, doll.” It seems that being backhandedly mean is a theme in your relationship, so after that you rolled your eyes and locked your door. Thankfully you packed a pair of sweatpants so you can comfortably lie down on the floor while you spread out your workspace. Magazines littered the hardwood, all sultry and sexy looking models staring back at you with the same half-lidded stare and overdone makeup. 

It makes you cringe, thinking back to the other day when you were jealous of these people. Now that you have this life, thriving and full of beauty, is that the only thing you want to show to your audience? How can they possibly relate to models who make triple their salary? What about the authenticity? The ingenuity? 

And that’s when it hits you. 

Scrambling to your computer, you search up a photographer that you know will be completely and utterly transparent. 

My Time Studios: Capturing the raw moment. 

You know exactly what you want for next month’s issue. 

Jungkook does not expect to see you through the peephole of his apartment, fiddling with the threads of your clothes and eyes glued to the ground. He mutters a curse under his breath, jamming his fingers between the metal double lock to swing his head out. He doesn’t even bother to open up all the way, just enough to stick his face out. 

“Jungkook, hi!” he still can’t believe you’re around. Jungkook winces at your tone, high and sounding like a teenager. He thought by now you’d be traveling the world, climbing to bigger and better things. Then again, the upper part of the city is certainly an upgrade. He just thought you’d want to be far, far away from him. “I b-brought you McDonalds.” 

You hold up a greasy bag of fast food, and his nose immediately responds to the smell of fresh fries and a quarter pounder (with cheese, of course.) It annoys him that you still know his weakness, but he isn’t going to go that easily. 

“Why are you here?” he asks a little too sharply, hands gripping the doorknob. 

“I wanted to offer you a job,” you get straight to the point, as if you know your time at his doorstep is limited. 

He scoffs, “You? Want to put my photos on Ego? You know my business extends to weddings and the occasional Bar Mitzvah. Why would you want me?” 

You frown, crossing your arms. He looks down at your attire, a nicely fitted suit on top, but the skirt is replaced with grey sweatpants. Comical, really. “I’ve always loved your photos,” you admit to him, “you know that. And they’ve gotten so much better since then.” 

The furrow between Jungkook’s brows softens a fraction, smoothed by the honesty in your voice. You’re right, you always made sure to tell Jungkook how much you loved his other talents. Namely, the photography, and sometimes his singing. He can still remember how easily you slept in his arms watching Sky City for hours, all at the melody of your favorite song. While his teachers and classmates loved to venerate his position on the team and his ability to garner attention, you encouraged him to work on the things that mattered to him the most, even in secret. 

Nevertheless, that was ten years ago. 

“I don’t need your charity,” he spits, “Jimin might be able to be bought by some designer clothes and an eighty dollar steak, but not me.” 

The pain in your gaze is glaringly evident, and you don’t even try to hide that you’re upset as the paper bag falls against your lap. If there’s one thing Jungkook knows he’s good at, is hurting your feelings. 

“You think this is charity?” you whisper, hurt delicately lacing your voice. 

“Are you kidding? Last month you got Xu Minghao to photograph your spread for Ego. He’s photographed the damn Queen of England,” if you notice that he’s babbling about reading your magazine, you don’t show it in your face, “the point is, I don’t understand why you’re trying to come into my life again. I don’t want to get involved in your fancy dinner galas or anyone else from high school. So please, just go back to your picture perfect life.” 

And without another qualm he slams the door in your face, effectively shutting you out. It doesn’t feel as good as he wants it to feel, clearly. He feels even shitter than before. His eyes glaze over to his rickety coffee table, cluttered with bills and credit card payments that should’ve been dealt with a long time ago. 

He slugs himself over to his couch, throwing his body over the couch that’s way too short. His legs dangle in mid-air, but it doesn’t stop him from throwing an arm over his eyes to block out the sunset. The bills can wait a little longer. Seeing you was too draining. 

The nap turns into a full-fledged night’s sleep, and by the time he wakes up the sky is dark and it’s the start of a new day. 12:08, the screen of his iPhone confirms. Feeling even crustier and worse than before, his stomach decides to harden the blow and go straight for the gut. He’s sorely reminded of the food you offered him hours ago. 

Quickly pulling on a large denim jacket, he grabs his keys and heads for the 7-Eleven down the park. Nothing like a frozen pizza to fill the gut, fast and cheap. Despite the fact that it’s dark and late, there're still some stray people in the park. A few homeless, some high school stoners who are meeting in secret, and you are typing away on your MacBook. 

Wait, what? 

You’re sitting on a bench in the park, typing away without a care in the world. Shoving soggy fries that he earlier refused in your mouth, you let a couple stray potatoes hang from your lips as your eyes succumb to the screen. You look positively silly, still in a pink blazer and baggy sweatpants. 

He must have been staring a little too long, because soon enough you turn your head, gasping at his figure. You quickly avert your eyes, but don’t make any move to leave the park. That interests him further. 

Shamelessly, he calls your name. His legs get to you in an instant, towering over your tiny figure. 

“What are you doing here?”

“Uh, I’m waiting for Jimin,” your eyes flicker to your open laptop, “and working.” 

At least one of those reasons is a lie. Last time he checked, Jimin always sleeps over at Yoongi’s house on this day. He knows it’s a lie, and you know he knows it’s a lie, but neither of you make the effort to correct it. 

“And what could you possibly be working on at 12AM?” 

“Finding a photographer,” you hunch over your laptop, avoiding eye contact. “I don’t have much time and none of my usual contacts are good enough. This project is… personal.” 

It makes him want to ask further, he can’t lie and say he isn’t intrigued in the kind of vision you’re going for in your next issue. “But why can’t you work at home?” 

“Don’t wanna go,” you reply casually, “it makes me feel lonely.” 

Lonely? You feel lonely? He runs a hand through his hair, frustrated at the display of nonchalance. Back in high school he always encouraged you to feel confident, but not like this. “Hey, it’s nice that you feel comfortable enough to chill in the park at 12AM, but it’s really dumb. You’re lucky you haven’t gotten mugged from all that money you’re carrying around!” he gestures to your fancy clothes and laptop, “and if you feel so lonely, call up one of your rich friends I’m sure they’ll—”

“Oh my god, Jungkook,” you slam your laptop shut, darkening the two of you. “I thought you wanted me to go back to my ‘picture perfect life’, so why do you care?” you get up in his face, standing on the bench so you’re nearly eye-to-eye, “why don’t you pester those kids over there? Tell them to drink their milk and go home,” you scoff, shoving your stuff in your bag. You don’t spare him another glance as you stalk off in the other direction. 

He groans, unable to untangle himself from the mess, “Where are you going?” 

“To a park where you’re not in!” 

Despite the exchange for sweatpants, you’re still wearing shoes not fit for walking. They’re little white pumps, not too tall but not remarkably comfy either. However, that doesn’t deter you from getting the heck out of there, seemingly walking in any possible direction to get away from Jungkook. 

“You’re being ridiculous,” he chastises once his hand clasps around your hand, pulling you around. 

There’s a little resistance, as you try to hide your face to no avail. Jungkook fumbles a little, not thinking you’d be crying. But tiny, shy tears are pooling around your eyes, looking flustered at your display of emotion.

“God,” you mutter to yourself, “I feel like such a kid.” 

That strikes a chord in the twenty-something man. The last time he saw you in the flesh was when you were both kids. Young, unbridled, and stupid. Well, only Jungkook was the stupid one. 

“Do you want me to take you home?” Jungkook offers, feeling guilty about his roughness. 

You shake your head. “No, I told you I don’t want to.” 

“Can I at least call you a cab? Or a friend so you won’t get lonely?” 

“Jungkook, if I had that option would you think I’d be here right now?” he’s trying, he really is. But you’re equally as miffed about this whole situation and at a loss. The two of you engage in a staring contest. It only takes a few seconds for you to crumble, and he frowns when you shiver in your thin blazer. 

Instantly, he rips off his jacket, pulling it over your body. It’s huge on you, swallowing your body and hopefully containing some of his residual heat. 

And finally, he relents. “If you want, I’ll come over and stay until you fall asleep.” 

“Okay,” your eyes widen in instant agreement, pulling something out of your pocket. “Will you drive?” 

His eyes widen at the shiny, minimalistic car key. Your sudden one-eighty has him second guessing his decision. “You drive a Tesla?” he gapes, taking your key like he’s holding the Hope Diamond. 

You got your license in February. One month ago, and only because the instructor felt pity on you since it was your second time retaking it. The fancy car terrifies you, and you’re sure Jungkook has much more experience driving (over ten years worth.)  

You shrug, “Not very good at driving. Haven’t had much practice.”

“Um, the car drives itself?” 

“It does?” you tilt your head, dazed, “wow, technology is amazing.” 

He shakes his head, putting a hand on your back so you can lead the way. You must be tired, because it seems like your head isn’t entirely there anymore. He takes charge, buckles you in and takes a couple minutes to fumble with the car settings. Nevertheless the drive home is smooth (and it takes all of Jungkook’s willpower to not squeal in excitement when the Tesla does in fact, drive itself.) 

You lead him inside your loft like a tiny zombie, throwing your shoes to one corner and throwing your jacket on the kitchen table. 

“Must be hungry,” you can’t even form complete sentences, “there’s food in the fridge, Kook. Sorry if it’s not to your taste.” 

Shuffling away to your room, Jungkook is left to gawk at your apartment. The baseboards of your walls are crusted in pretty pearl designs, swirling around the whole expanse. There’s a television that stretches the wall of the little living room, with a sound and video game system he’s only seen in movies. Your tables are meters and meters of granite, and he wonders how the floor of your apartment can hold all this weight. 

But he supposes it’s because there’s nothing much to hold. No pictures line the walls, only vague looking art to fill up blank space. There’s no touch of warmth despite the heating system under the floor that relaxes his toes. For such a big home, he can only imagine how small you must feel in it. 

Your fridge is just as empty, decorated with a couple of sad-looking salads and some protein shakes. He sighs, grabbing two chicken salads and a banana shake and bringing it to your coffee table. It’s a little two quiet for his liking, so he turns on the television real low just to make the room feel a bit fuller. 

Halfway through one salad he realizes he probably should’ve made you eat as well. Even though these salads aren’t remotely filling, they’re much healthier than some soggy fries. A piece of limp lettuce hangs from Jungkook’s mouth, suddenly feeling guilty for soaking up all of your amenities without inviting you. After all, it is your house. Wiping some sauce from his lips he dusts off his pants, stuffing his hands in his pockets as he makes his way to your room. 

Calling your name, the only reply is the whir of the heater. He only cracks the door a tad, but he sees you slumped against the edge of the bed, bare feet hanging from the end. You barely made it, your clothes strewn across the floor, an oversized t-shirt ruched across your barely covered thighs. Without a thought he quickly scrambles to move you closer to your pillows, and then wraps your body in your plush duvet. You’re out like a light. 

You’re sleeping, so Jungkook should go home. That’s what you two agreed to. He goes back to his late dinner (early breakfast?) mindlessly listening to an infomercial on rare dollar coins. He’ll leave after he eats. 

He didn’t leave. 

Jungkook awakes to a scream, your shrill voice echoing all the way down the hallway into your living room. It takes a second for him to register the empty white walls and the fact that he’s not in his apartment, but eventually it goes back to the point that you’re in distress. He jolts, scrambling off the couch to run to your bedroom. 

“What is it?” he exhales into your doorframe, socks sliding. 

Your hair is in a disarray, shirt rumpled and face scrunched in pain. You shove your phone in his face. “Since when did Iron Man die!” you cry, genuinely horrified at whatever entertainment article you’re reading. 

He slumps against the wall, running a hand over his dry face. “Since Endgame, obviously. That was literally two years ago. Is that why you woke me up?” 

“I-I’m sorry! I didn’t know!” 

“Have you been living under a rock or something?”

“Or something,” you frown, throwing your phone across your bed, “I guess I should go get ready for work.” 

Jungkook watches as you shamelessly hop off your bed, uncaring that your shirt has ridden up, revealing the full expanse of your thighs and then some. You pull out a pair of sweats from a shopping bag, nicking off the tag to put them on your legs. 

“Do you have work?”  you ask casually. 

“Uh, no,” Jungkook coughs, crossing his arms. It’s been awhile since he’s had a solid gig. Two whole weeks have been spent doing more personal work which was fine, but at the same time his bank account could beg to differ. “I’m off today.” 

“Oh, alright,” you shrug, “do you know where I can buy a good camera?” 

“Why?” 

“Gonna go take pictures,” you snatch your wallet and keys from your bedside, stuffing it in a fanny pack. He watches you curiously as you zip your bag shut, muttering something about how you can’t believe that fanny packs are back in style. Swinging the strap over your back, you brush past him. “You can stay if you want,” you add pointedly, before you slip into the bathroom. 

Jungkook doesn’t understand as to why he’s slipping into sensory overload. The house is a shell of itself and the antithesis of a rainbow. Maybe it’s the fact that he woke up ten minutes ago or how you look completely peaceful and want to leave as soon as you wake up. Or how shocked you were that Iron Man has passed and you’ve completely missed Phase 3. Or that you’re not even thinking about breakfast or not wishing him a farewell, practically throwing him into your apartment like a second home. 

He wobbles back to the couch, trying to look as nonchalant as possible as he drapes the fuzzy blankets over his body. He flips through the channels, before finally settling on an old episode of Sky City. 

When you walk out into the living room, you scrunch your face in pain when you make eye contact with Kim Seokjin’s on screen appearance. Oh, how things change. Jungkook knew how much you loved watching Sky City, indulging in the protagonist's attractiveness. 

“Y’know,” Jungkook says over his shoulder, “if you leave me here, I could steal whatever I want.” 

“Go ahead,” you reply flippantly, already slipping on your sneakers. “There’s nothing of value here.” 

What is wrong with you? 

“Wait!” Jungkook throws all his pride at the window, unable to conceal his worry for you. Half your body is out the doorway, and you’re looking at him like he’s grown a second head. His voice takes up the entirety of the room, startling you. “I need to come with you,” he finally settles on, looking serious. “You’re going to buy the wrong camera.” 

“Okay,” you concede immediately, throwing the keys on the couch, “you drive.”

Jungkook must know something’s wrong with you. 

You don’t know how to act around him. Your heart is hurt and your body is a decade older than it was a week ago and everything in your life and mind is a complete wreck. It still aches to look at him, despite the fact that you want him around, all the time. You wish you could know a little more about your adult life, you feel like a proverbial Bambi sitting in a car worth more than your childhood home. It’s a wobbly, shaky road to adulthood, and you’re not having it. 

Jungkook sleeping over is the last thing you thought would happen last night. You didn’t even think he’d relent to coming to your house, since he was pretty hellbent on not being your photographer. 

But now he’s driving your Tesla again, after you instructed him to park the car where you parked it last time. That way, you can go back to the playground you were in the night before. You have a vision for the issue and it starts there. Fiddling around with the expensive camera Jungkook picked out, you feel his gaze burning into your shoulder. 

“Am I doing something wrong?” you ask archly, “I read the manual and everything. Or are you just being a perfectionist again?” 

“What’s wrong with being a perfectionist?” Jungkook shoots back, putting the car in park. As soon as the car stills in the parking lot, he grabs the camera from your grasp like a petulant child. “I’m just trying to make sure you don’t break it. Face it, you’re terrible at technology.” 

“Excuse me! I have a Samsung 25+ and a Tesla!” 

“Yeah? So why did I catch you struggling to use your pay feature on your phone when we grabbed coffee?” 

“It’s new,” you mutter under your breath. Everything is new to you. 

With a growl you snatch back the camera, and Jungkook for once doesn’t act like a baby with a sharing complex and relents. Of course, Jungkook manages to calibrate the camera and figure out the color balance before you could. This only annoys you further, wondering why Jungkook is still sticking around after all this time. 

“Alright,” you step out of the car, slinging the camera around your neck. “Thanks for driving me around, your apartment’s just down the street, right?” You dart your hand out, and Jungkook reluctantly hands over your key beeper. Maybe it’s because he seems to love the car so much, that he has a hard time giving it back. “I’ll see you around.” 

“Wait,” is that his word of the day? Wait wait wait. 

“What is it now, Jungkook?” 

He’s never seen you so full of negative emotions. You’ve been waiting for him to tire of you all day, from your clipped replies and unease ever since you two stepped out of your apartment. 

“Um,” he looks embarrassed, scratching the back of his head, “are you really going to take pictures? You always took really blurry pictures in high school.” 

The mention of high school has you icy, gripping the matte black digital camera to hold your feelings at bay. “Yes, I’m going to go take pictures because the photographer I wanted so rudely rejected me,” you revel in the way he shrinks, probably regretful already. “So if you’ll excuse me, I have a deadline.” 

He continues to follow you, all the way to the park. You make your way to a little garden, and start to take some test photos next to the little daisies that decorate the patch of dirt. You practically feel Jungkook breathing down your neck, feeling antsy everytime you click the shutter. Ignoring him is difficult, especially when he makes little noises of discomfort when you presumably do something wrong. 

“Jungkook, are you going to say something?” you seethe, not caring that the heavy camera strains your neck when it falls against your chest, “or are you just going to make me wait.”

Jungkook’s face is scrunched up, and finally he blurts, “I’m sorry.” 

“Sorry for what?” 

“For saying your life is picture perfect,” he sputters quickly, looking very sweaty. Jungkook always got sweaty when he did things a little too hard. Playing sports, thinking, campaigning on video games. “I—I didn’t mean it. I don’t know. I guess I was just upset at myself and I took it out on you.” 

“Well why are you upset at yourself?” 

“I’m upset because I—I don’t know, it’s complicated,” he plops down on the nearest bench, and while you follow him, you don’t let yourself sit next to him. If you do, you know your subconscious will want to wrap your arms around him and comfort him. That would probably be the worst possible action to perform. “I don’t really do the whole photoshoot thing. Like I said, I’m just doing some weddings and parties here and there. I shouldn’t have said those things about Jimin and how you’re only talking to us out of charity. It’s my fault for not considering how complicated your life could be too,” he looks down at the ground, shameful, “so if you still want me, I would really like to photograph for Ego. And I would also really like that camera back.” 

Unable to resist, you reach over to give him a pat on the shoulder. “I forgive you,” you reply numbly, thinking he was going to apologize for something else. You suppose he’s forgotten about that fateful prom night, just like everyone else. “It’s actually not for Ego, at least not yet. My boss is pitting us against each other, the best idea wins the cover theme.” 

“Don’t worry, we’ll win,” his face eventually breaks into a grin when you remove the camera from your body. “Come to daddy, baby,” he cooes, holding the shiny new camera in his hands like a newborn. 

“Gross,” you twitch, although you’re feeling all the more relieved knowing Jungkook will now be taking the visual reins. “You haven’t had a chance to look at the contract made up, but being paid five-hundred okay?” 

“Five-hundred a week?” 

“No, per day,” you correct, “why wouldn’t I pay you just like I pay the others?” 

Jungkook’s dark brows fly to his forehead. He practically chokes on his spit at the way you put Jungkook in high regard. A blush overtakes his visage, proud and pink as he rushes to get away from you. 

“You don’t even know my concept,” you called after him, chasing the midday sun. 

Jungkook is already in position, fitting the lens between two buildings. The afternoon sun looks like an egg yolk, melting between the clouds. “Well then is it?” he asks, bending down on one knee to get the perfect angle. 

“Well, yesterday when I thought of the idea I just wanted to be reminded of how easy being a kid was,” you don’t even know if Jungkook’s listening properly, given the rapid click click clicks of the shutter and Jungkook constantly moving around to get as many shots as possible. “I realized that not everyone can relate to the models or the clothes we advertise on Ego. Why would I want to see people I actually admire? Like, my friend’s older brother. Or Jimin, president of the drama club. Or even Jungkook, captain of the lacrosse team.” 

“So, nostalgia. The 2000s are back in style, I like it,” he replies simply, tilting the camera towards you, “pose for me.” 

“What? Jungkook,” you frown, holding a hand over your face. He doesn’t relent, continuing to snap you in different angles. 

“Oh! That was a nice one,” he turns the camera to reveal the screen of your furrowed brows, hand over your face, “looks super grunge. Totally a throwback look.” 

“Jungkook, I don’t model. I’m just the one who throws the ideas.” 

“Yeah, but. Wouldn’t it be cool if the readers of Ego could see the genius behind the paper and ink?” he gestures vaguely to your outfit, “and you’re wearing Fila. So that’s like, kind of designer?” 

“I don’t know,” you hug yourself, “I’ll think about it, okay? Let’s focus.” 

“Fine,” Jungkook stops buzzing around you, putting the camera down and following you as you walk back to your car. You don’t think you really need anymore park photos, and Jungkook seems to telepathically agree as well. 

“We need to plan some outfits and some backgrounds. I’ve already arranged a meet up tomorrow in front of our old high school with a couple of models. The school is on a grade-wide trip, so we’ll even have access to the track and field. I was also thinking disposable film? We could scan those.” 

“Alright, who are your models?” 

“Oh, you know. Just friends from school. I wanted it to be as authentic as possible. Taehyung flew back from Hamburg last night, so he said he’ll come. Jimin, obviously.” 

“Well you only had like, two friends in highschool.” 

“And you,” you clip on with a frown, “so don’t dress like a potato sack tomorrow, okay?” 

“I’m not modeling.” 

“Well, I’m still looking for a celebrity model to tack onto so. Don’t look like a chump.” you stick out your hand, while Jungkook pouts at your outstretched limb. If he feels sore that you called him a chump, he doesn’t comment on it when he clasps his larger hand in yours. “Partners?”

“Partners.” 

“Why didn’t you tell me your celebrity model was him?” 

“I specifically told you not to dress like a paper bag. Why did you continue to do so!” 

“You didn’t specify that your model was Kim Seokjin!” 

The current conversation is hushed, hissed between large reflective light panels and a parked car that held all your rented equipment. Currently, Taehyung, Seokjin and Jimin are huddled on the bleachers of your old stomping grounds, laughing at whatever funny video Seokjin has pulled up. They’re all dressed in variants of the same sweatsuit, a combination of Taehyung’s choosing since he’s one of the many color coordinators at Ego. 

But you haven’t started yet, and you would like to get some morning shots in before it gets any warmer. Jungkook is still petulant, pretending to buy time by balancing his tripod. He’s wearing his Birkenstocks, so old they’re definitely the same pair from highschool, and yet another black sweatsuit. 

“Seokjin’s like a big, fat cheeseball,” you assure Jungkook, who’s actually shaking from being in the presence of a celebrity. “No reason to be nervous.”

“That man has literally been part of our Sitcom Sundays for three years,” he gripes, “of course I’m nervous!” 

“Just go to the car. If you want to change I’m sure Taehyung’s brought something that fits you.”

“Well if they see me change they’re gonna see I’m trying too hard,” Jungkook pouts, he actually pouts. 

“I can’t,” you turn around, your Miss Frizzle-esque solar system dress whirling around your waist. The stars twinkle, glittering into Jungkook’s eyes. “Jungkook, do whatever you want. But we need to start in ten! No, five! I’m not paying you to try on Balenciaga and Off-Brand!” 

If Jungkook is shocked by your sudden snippiness or need to get things wrapped up, he doesn’t say anything to it. For once, he’s quiet about his needs and you’re thankful for it. Once he’s gone, you have a chance to breathe. It’s all wholly overwhelming to dive right into the job. Your brain is still in 2011 unfortunately.

“Babe, everything alright?” 

Seokjin appears behind you, having ditched Jimin and Taehyung after he saw you and Jungkook argue. He smooths his hands over your biceps. You’re still unsure over the exact nature of your adult-self’s relationship, but it seems that sans sex you two are relatively close with each other. 

“M’fine,” you mumble tiredly, trying not to stiffen under his hold. You suppose Jimin isn’t going to be the friend you confide into this lifetime. “I’m just nervous. We’re doing all this work and it can potentially go down the drain after this week. What if my idea’s stupid and we’re wasting time? Jennie texted me that her concept is going to be killer and now I’m scared this concept is too aesthetically soft and people don’t care about nostalgia anymore and I feel like simultaneously throwing up and crying—” 

“Whoa whoa, who’s replaced my confident editor and where did she go?” Seokjin decidedly goes with the notion that you’re definitely not fine. He swings his neck back and forth, peering behind the bleachers and over the football field. “My confident editor would never talk bad of herself like this! She commanded a whole crew of fifty within seconds when she did the Kim Taeyeon shoot in Milan! She never cowers under a challenge, the challenge cowers to her!” and in his gallancy you no longer try to shy away, in fact you even giggle at his silly way of comforting you. “And most importantly, she’d never compare herself to a wench like Jennie.” 

Seokjin doesn’t hesitate to swipe the moisture right under your waterline, making sure any traces of your crying are undetectable. “W-wait,” you sputter, “you mean, me and Jennie aren’t actually friends?” 

He chuckles, pulling you into a hug. “Even now, you’re such a good actress.” 

You let Seokjin continue to hold you as the pieces in your empty mind come together. If Jennie is truly not your friend and you two have been faking it all this time, how serious is it? And if so, are you the competitive type? You know for sure Jennie is, and will she stop at nothing to make sure she gets the spread? 

This fear is combined with an equal amount of sadness. You were a little excited to have a lasting friend from college, but your mother always told you to never believe anything on the internet. You suppose those selfies of you and Jennie on your Instagram are nothing but a facade. 

But at the very least Seokjin’s care for you isn’t fake, and you’re thankful that you have at least one friend in this life. If you didn’t do this time skip, would Seokjin remain your only friend? You try not to think too hard about it, “Thanks, Seokjin. I really appreciate you.” 

“Will you appreciate me tonight then?” Seokjin makes a move to kiss your neck, and the moment is promptly ruined. 

Shoving him away you say firmly, “Touch me like that again and I’ll rip your dick off in front of this whole crew.” 

“I love it when you get feisty,” Seokjin melts, but salutes you like a drill sergeant as he runs back to the men on the bleachers. 

It’s then you feel a presence looming over your shoulder. Tall, dark, and emanating. He’s changed, in favor of some fitted jeans and a plain white shirt, paired with black boots. Jungkook is behind you, glaring over your shoulder at Seokjin. So much for showing off your professionalism. Crap, how much of that did he hear? 

“Jungkook, I–”

“Let’s start,” he mutters gruffly, stepping past you to get to the equipment. 

You slap a hand over your face. It’s going to be a long day. 

However, the hours following are probably one of the brightest hours of your life since you’ve appeared in your future-self’s body. At first Jimin was anxious at your invitation, despite being in the high school plays and being okay at public speaking, he didn’t know he’d have the potential to be a model. A couple test shots and some coaching from Taehyung, Jimin is a natural, his photogenic energy strong enough to compete toe-to-toe with Seokjin. 

You also have to hand it to Taehyung, who has been running back and forth between modeling and choosing outfits for the boys. Jimin and you didn’t run in the same group as Taehyung back in high school, but time changes things and if given the opportunity, you would’ve loved to be friends with him back then. 

By the time you are done for the day and you feel like all the possible shots have all ready been taken, you circle around the school. You previously went inside empty classrooms, posed in the cafeteria, even pretended to reenact your school rendition of RENT in the auditorium. 

Everything is mostly packed up and put into the car by the time the sun is setting, and you just wanted to perfect this one shot. 

The gymnasium looks a lot smaller than it did as a child. As a teenager, you constantly feared getting hit in the face by a stray wiffleball, or throwing up during the pacer test after the 100th lap. But now, it just looks like an old gym. 

“It smells like sweaty balls in there,” Taehyung curses, adjusting the patterned button down by smoothing down his chest. He jabs a finger in the boys locker room, where Jimin comes out with another new outfit. 

“I think the sandwich I left in senior year is still there,” Jimin adds, pulling the collar around his burgundy knitted sweater. 

The back of the gym is decorated in balloons. Overnight you managed to build a balloon ring off of Pinterest, one of your proudest moments as you made Jungkook haul the rainbow colored arc and shove it into the trunk. Seokjin is sitting directly under the arc, decorating a letter corkboard. It’s one of those cork boards all the teachers display in class, often decorated with some witty quote or a basic “Welcome to Mr/Mrs/Miss _____’s Class!” 

Jungkook is setting up the camera on a tripod, wanting to do it the old fashioned way. Aside from the freakout he had in the beginning when he realized he was photographing Kim Seokjin, he’s been quiet and strictly professional throughout the whole ordeal. It’s amazing to see this side of him, as he seamlessly transitions from shoot to shoot knowing exactly what he has in mind for each photograph. His direction is soft but impactful, and the boys have no problems following directions. 

“Okay boys, everyone under the arc!” 

Working like this is a rush you can’t even imagine. In high school the path you were in the process of choosing wasn’t clear cut up until this point, but now you know exactly what you want to do for the rest of your life. 

Seokjin holds the finished corkboard in the middle, a proud Class of Ego in white block letters. 

Jungkook only gets a few shots in before Seokjin bemoans, letting the corkboard fall in his lap. 

“Guys, this picture’s gonna stink.” 

Jungkook’s appalled, “Excuse me—” 

“Because you two aren’t in it!” Taehyung agrees easily, “c’mon, JK. Put your camera on timer mode and let’s have all of us in it!” 

A blush melts on Jungkook’s neck, all the way to the tips of his ears. “What? No, that’s silly Tae. I really don’t—agh!” 

The three men are in a controlled frenzy, aiming to get their mission done. Seokjin rounds the camera and makes quick work of enabling a timer and a burst shot. Jimin pulls you by the waist, tugging you ungracefully to the center of the arc. Taehyung is doing a pretty good job of hauling your muscle hunk of a photographer, pressing his shoulders across yours. 

And finally, Seokjin hands you the corkboard. “You should be holding it. After all, you’re the brains behind it!” 

At first it feels awkward, squished between new friends and old friends. First loves and last loves. Despite his warm bicep pressing against you, Jungkook is akin to a sheet of cardboard, arm-to-arm and stiff as a board. 

“Alright people, let’s move it!” Seokjin yells unnecessarily loud, the noise echoing throughout the high walls. “Last couple shots here, and we’re not re-doing it because I’m tired as hell! So look alive and pretend to like each other!” 

The first click of the camera stuns all of you, akin to many terrible school photos where the flash disarms you and your face twists. But that click suddenly gets Jungkook into gear, and you feel him slide a hand over your shoulder, squeezing you toward him so you’re pressed against the side of his chest. He still smells like floral fabric softener, and that makes you smile. 

And suddenly you feel like you’re seventeen again, surrounded with the people you care for the most. 

“So, the tabloids are true huh?” Jimin smirks, waving a flimsy fry in your face. 

“T-tabloids?” you sputter, dabbing the ketchup off your cheek. The greasy burger slips off your grip and onto your plate.  Your expression says it all, it’s painfully innocent and genuinely confused as you attempt to swallow the cheese and lettuce as fast as possible. 

The crew sans Seokjin is eating a very late dinner with you at the restaurant of their choice. They put it to a vote, while you desperately wanted some McDonalds everyone else voted for a more high end restaurant. After all, you’re paying. 

“Ah, don’t try playing coy with us,” Taehyung jests, “the office talks.” 

“Well, whatever you’ve heard isn’t true,” you huff, crossing your arms. “At least, not anymore.” 

“What?” Taehyung bugs out, “I thought you loved your no strings attached relationship with Jinnie.” 

“I guess I did,” you frown, deflating against the plush booth, “I don’t know. I don’t know what I liked back then.” 

You resume eating your burger, trying to ignore the worried look Jimin sends you. He reaches over the table to press his thumb to the little 11s in your forehead, a product of stress. “Does your head still hurt?” he asks. 

Jungkook’s chewing slows considerably. He’s been strangely quiet this evening, opting to order a handful of appetizers and gorging on every single edible thing on the table like a glutton. But at Jimin’s question he turns his head to look at you, “Why would your head still hurt?” 

“She hit her head when she went out drinking with Seokjin last week,” Jimin supplies, “messed with her memory.” 

“Chim,” you frown, gently shoving him off you, “I’m fine now. Pretty much caught up. Just reevaluating my life choices, okay?” 

“How could Seokjin let that happen?” Jungkook asks, putting his fork down. 

“He wasn’t even there,” you shake your head, trying to clear Seokjin’s name as fast as possible. After all, this lie is completely fabricated, a blanket to cover the magical properties your true nature being here has. “I’m fine, Jungkook. Don’t worry about me.” 

He huffs, resuming his meal. “Wasn’t worried,” he disarms, reaching over the table to snatch a mozzarella stick. 

You cover up your disgusted expression by wiping your chin with a soft blue napkin. Jungkook is really out here inhaling the whole table and being a bit of a jerk. 

“Well,” Taehyung claps his hands together, regarding all of you with a closed-lipped smile stretched so wide you’re worried he’ll break. “This is nice. I can’t imagine a time where I’d be reunited with you three. It’s weird. But a good weird.” 

“Ditto,” Jimin echoes, lifting his glass to clink with Taehyung’s. Throwing an arm over your shoulder he remarks, “could’ve never imagined my ‘ol best friend would’ve wanted to pursue fashion.” 

“What?” you glower, pinching his thigh, “I love fashion! I spent months planning my Clueless Halloween costume and our summers cosplaying!” 

“Right, Cher,” teased Jimin, “that yellow plaid suit that made you look like a bottle of mustard?” 

“You little–” 

Taehyung begins to laugh when you start to tickle Jimin in the sweet spots, causing Jimin to curl his leg around your ankle and pull you onto his lap for a hair pull. It’s all in fun and nothing hurts, but you’re so caught up in it you’re sure people are worried about your well-being. Even Jungkook is laughing, egging Jimin on while Taehyung weakly attempts to pull you away. 

If you could rewrite the last ten years of your life, this moment would define the remake. 

“Why are we here?” 

“For research purposes.” 

“Are you sure the actual purpose is because you don’t feel like working in the office?” 

“Jungkook,” you groan, tired of his infinite amount of negativity. “This was our senior trip! Of course I want to get a couple shots in before my big presentation.” 

“You’re risking my baby’s life,” Jungkook cradles the digital camera closer to his chest, swaddling it between its felt case. Ever since you purchased the camera, Jungkook has been unable to let it go. This adoption is both equal parts cute and strange, and you’re a little too scared to ask for it back. 

“I promise, no big rides,” you roll your eyes, “your baby will be fine.” 

The local amusement park is a fan-favorite amongst the city-goers, a reprieve from the hustle and a chance for you to spend your copious amounts of money on overpriced sugar and popcorn. The last time you went here was two weeks ago—in your mind. In Jungkook’s mind it was over ten years ago and he probably doesn’t even remember the time spent roaming the artificial floor and the infinite amount of bubbles that seem to eject from the air to add to the whimsical charm. 

Jungkook isn’t even paying attention, citing it as an artist block because he’s going through sensory overload with the amount of stimuli in the crowd. Screaming teenagers wailing under him from a nearby rollercoaster, the smell of sticky caramel apples pumping through the diffuser stands, and the amount of gaudy color that decorates every single logo of the park. 

He plops himself down on a nearby bench while you wait in line to get some food. It’s early in the morning and a weekday, so you figure this is the best time to get some photographs in without any passerbys. You figure Jungkook will get the hang of it once he has some food in his stomach. 

“A funnel cake?” Jungkook is bewildered when you return with the confection in hand, “it’s ten A.M.” 

You raise a brow, knowing how much Jungkook loves sweet foods. The funnel cake especially, he ate at least three when you went to your senior trip, one for every meal. But you’re an adult, or at least posing as one, and you shrug loftily, plucking a hot piece of fried dough from your plate. “Alright then,” you reply, “I’ll just eat the whole thing.” 

Once the cake touches your tongue, you can’t help but make an exaggerated moan in pleasure. You can feel Jungkook squirming like an earthworm next to you, either from the scrumptious smell of funnel cake or the way you’re so enthusiastically eating it. 

“W-wait,” Jungkook’s stomach growls at the perfect moment, “I want some. But I don’t want to get the camera dirty, pass me a napkin.” 

“I can just feed it to you!” you quip innocently, immediately ripping off a piece and shoving it between Jungkook’s pink lips. You feel a little slick in the finger, saliva briefly coating your digits before you pull away. You swallow, feeling a familiar tingle in your tummy and a sickening heat low in your belly. 

You fight back a sigh, wondering if your libido also did a massive growth spurt in your twenty-seven years of age. 

Jungkook is placated at the touch of food, and you take turns feeding yourself and feeding him while more customers trickle in the park. Confectioners sugar dusts Jungkook’s long-sleeved tee, the white color staining the dark fabric. You reach to pat his chest, ignoring the toneness that still remains from high school. 

“Alright, let’s ride,” you declare, pulling Jungkook up once you’re done eating. 

“Do we have to?” 

“What happened to the adrenaline junkie I once knew?” 

“He realized being an adrenaline junkie doesn’t make money and he should stay on the ground.” 

“Alright, Negative Nancy,” your reply has no bite to it, and suddenly you wished you invited Jimin or Seokjin before Jungkook. Jungkook may have the talent, but he certainly doesn’t have the attitude. You don’t even get why he’s still defensive, after all you thought he apologized in the beginning. It’s not like you’re the problem. 

“Gimmie your hand,” your thoughts cut out when Jungkook offers his large hand in front of yours, palm up. 

“Why?”

“C’mon,” he whines, settling for snatching your hand instead. His palms feel larger, rougher as they enclose your smaller hand. “Now hurry up and walk in front of me. I’m gonna take a picture.” 

You already have a feeling as to what this picture is going to look like, so you scrunch your nose. “That is so cheesy.” 

“It’s for the nostalgia factor, now hurry up and pretend we’re on a date.” 

You roll your eyes but relent, jogging a few steps ahead so you can get into character. This pose used to be a popular one, where the sweet boyfriend would be dragged around by the girlfriend’s hand, tugging him to wherever she wanted to go. It’s super cliche but if Jungkook figures it’ll fit your theme, you’ll do it. Eventually you forget that you’re holding his hand, and point ahead to some rides you want to try out. 

“Oh, Jungkook! Remember that one?” you point to a teacup ride, with guests spinning vigorously through their own seat. “Jimin got so sick he fell asleep in the car for an hour!” 

Jungkook doesn’t reply, so you turn around and face him. Click. Jungkook smirks at his little trick, which makes you rip your hand from his and walk further. 

“Hey, hey,” he chuckles, the first smile of the day. Food really does make him peaceful. “The shot looks good, you look good.” 

“Could’ve just asked me to turn around and pose,” you huff. 

“Then it would ruin the fun,” he replies, “now c’mon, let’s ride the teacups. For old time’s sake.” 

Ten minutes later and the both of you are soon regretting that decision. You’re once again slumped on the bench, this time unable to keep your head up so you rest it on Jungkook’s shoulder while he leans on your head. 

“Haven’t rode that since I was a teenager,” Jungkook moans, holding his stomach. “Remind me not to eat so fast before getting on that kind of ride.” 

You mirror his expression, feeling green. “Is this what late-adult life feels like?” 

“Yep,” Jungkook replies, unbeknownst of how shocked you are at how weak your body has become. “You wake up with back pain, pre-arthritis from all the typing you’ve done over the last decade, and a lot of stress. Definitely not the fantasy you’d imagine from your 20s.” 

“You think you’d be less stressed if you kept your lacrosse scholarship?” 

“Nah, I think I saved myself,” Jungkook shakes his head, “before I could be any more awful than I already was.” 

You refuse that notion, sending him a bitter smile. “Well, look at me. I became awful right after high school.” 

“I didn’t mean you—”

“I know,” you hold up a hand to stop him. The two of you follow a red path up the hill, leading to a simple cable car ride. It’s a slow travel ride, made to get from one side of the park to the other with a beautiful view over the lake. “But you see those tabloid articles. They must be true.” 

“I—I didn’t think they were all true,” Jungkook’s lying through his teeth to make you feel better, but you don’t care. “Why do you sound unsure?” 

You shrug, “Probably wasn’t sober for most of my bad decisions,” considering your friendship with Seokjin and his boisterous drinking attitude, you wouldn’t be surprised, “If they weren’t true, I believe Jimin and I would’ve stayed friends. I can’t imagine why I left my home like that. But I guess it doesn’t matter too much because I came back. And I mean, we’re here together doing work,” you gesture between the small space between each other, “I think that counts for something.”  

The two of you walk in silence for a bit, contemplating. The line to the cable car isn’t long but it’s slow, considering the cable only moves a couple meters a second. The take-off area is a risen slab of concrete, and the cars are continuously moving so you have to hop on one car as soon as another guest exits. 

There’s a little bit of space between it, a centimeter gap that could be nerve wracking if there’s no staff around. You think nothing of it as you fiddle on your phone, waiting for the staff member to let you and Jungkook in on the next car. 

Jungkook enters first, taking great care to cradle the camera in one hand so it doesn’t sway against the car. The car swings a little as well, and Jungkook holds out a hand for you to grab. 

Instead you focus on how the once bright glassy pink is sun-ravished, faded and rusting on the metal door flaps. The color is almost pearlescent, vastly different than the vivid color you saw two weeks ago. You almost want to reach out and touch it, wondering where that quality went. 

“Bun, be careful!” 

The tip of your heel nicks on the stepping stone, slipping like butter as you topple forward. Jungkook doesn’t hesitate to scoop you up, hauling you into the car just as the metal door locks into place. The hard plastic of the camera digs into your chest uncomfortably as you plop on top of Jungkook, between his legs as half his thighs rest against the uncomfortable seat. 

“Were you not watching where you were going?” Jungkook huffs, blowing his bangs over his forehead. 

Instead of an artful answer you blurt, “You, you called me Bun.” 

His eyes widen at your response, and his grip loosens around your body. His eyes dart anywhere but your face, his cheeks ruddied and stained coral as he moves to remove you from his body. “It was a slip of the tongue,” he coughs, turning on his camera and getting shots of the lake. 

You huff in response, sticking to your side of the carriage. “I missed it,” you murmur to the wind, although you make yourself loud enough for him to hear. 

You try to bury your sour expression in your sleeves, just to hide how absolutely childish you feel. You don’t even care that Jungkook is trying to take pictures of you looking out the view, only trying to eradicate the feelings that are still down deep in your blood. Even the twenty-seven year old Jungkook is charming, albeit in a completely different way. 

The grown, mature Jungkook toots to his own horn. He isn’t concerned about a team or an image, and gave it all up to pursue an art he loves. The lacrosse jerseys exchanged for bulky long sleeves, the sport for a camera, and a mask for his true image. 

“Let’s go,” Jungkook takes your hand again when the ride stops, not letting go until you’re on steady ground. You figure he must think you walk like a toddler barely on her first mile. 

Would Jungkook like you even as an adult? With all this money, this power and this confidence you envisioned as a seventeen-year-old, it still doesn’t feel enough for him. In fact, you feel like a sore thumb sticking out, decorated in silly rumors and expensive clothes that separate you far from your roots. 

“Hey,” Jungkook touches your arm, pointing to a basketball carnival game, “remember this one?” 

“Yeah,” forcing a smile, you follow him to the small crowd that starts to form around the basketball game. The baskets are a short distance from the player, but so high up that it’s hard to tell the shape of the hoop. “I tried to tell you that it was completely rigged. From an angle you can see it’s still oval-shaped.” 

“And I told you it didn’t matter if the hoop was an octagon, I’d get you that prize,” he jerks a thumb to the prize booth, where a blue Piplup plush sits proudly with all the other starter Pokemon. “And I did.” 

“It’s still in my room,” you reply proudly, even though Jungkook is acting almost immaturely smug. “I, I mean it’s still in my room in my parent’s house. It’s probably lonely because my parents have been on a cruise for almost two weeks.” 

He raises a brow, eyes drifting to the booth. “Should I win another one to keep your bed in the city warm?” 

“That sounded oddly sexual.” 

“You know what I mean,” and Jungkook’s rolling up his sleeves, handing you the camera. 

“Jungkook,” you whine when he pulls out a roll of bills from his pocket, as if he prepared for this moment, “Jungkook c’mon—I don’t need any stuffed animals. Ugh.” 

You swear that the majority of your day is spent watching Jungkook blow cash on a low-quality stuffed animal with packaging pellets for the inside. Turns out carnival technology has also enhanced over the years, and it takes both your whining and the clerk’s whining to stop Jungkook from blowing his entire wallet to get one basket in. Eventually the staff relents and lets Jungkook take a Piplup keychain instead, glumly handing it over to you. 

“I like this better,” you chirp, clipping the ring onto your car keys, “now I can bring Piplup everywhere.” 

A small, barely there smile appears on Jungkook’s face. 

The rest of the day melts away like that, and before you know it the sun is slipping into the horizon and you’re being dropped off at your apartment. Jungkook even insists to walk you to your door, because your prizes are heavy. (Yes, he went back for the oversized Piplup.) 

It’s all too familiar, the way the walk upstairs is achingly slow, as if the moment is stretching itself down the hallway. How Jungkook looks so prideful holding the fruits of his labor, following you with a tug of your hand because the prize is too big for Jungkook to see straight. 

At the same time it’s different. The way you wobble around the hallway because you’re a little tipsy from wine flights is noticeable, even cute. How easy it is to not feel nervous when you clutch at his hand. How you two look like a seasoned couple, coming home from an all-day date. 

It ends at the front door, and you crack it open so you can slip your prizes through the crack. 

“Thanks, Jungkook,” you hold up the SD card that held all the precious memories of this week. 

This is where you part ways. You’ll spend the rest of the night editing your presentation, while Jungkook promised to go to a bar with his friends. A little part of you hoped you’d be invited, but you knew that would be impractical considering you have work in the morning. 

“Break a leg,” he says, leaning on the balls of his feet with his hands in his pockets, “you’ll do great. You’ve always been meant to do great things.” 

The investment he lays on you is insurmountable, and you feel yourself flush with simultaneous excitement and anxiety. Unknowing how to calm your nerves, you give him a small “thank you” and put your hand on the knob to slip away. 

“Wait—” 

You blink, a deer in the headlights as Jungkook swoops down and kisses you. 

You’ve received kisses—kisses reserved for a twenty-seven year old, before. Seokjin is an eager lover, and you felt it that fateful morning and even during your photoshoot when he tried to be sneaky and pull you away. Fleeting bites, kisses to the neck that are wet and hot.

Jungkook’s kiss does not feel like that. It feels like home. It feels like coming home after a long day of work, wrapping yourself in an old afghan and a hot cup of tea. The feeling of hot laundry, fresh front the dryer and smelling of floral softener. It tastes like ten years lost in a void, returning to your senses and lighting you up.

He holds you as if you’ll disappear right in front of him. Large hands cup your face, like a precious thing he never wants to let go. Your hands can do nothing but grapple after his, nails digging into his skin. 

“Good night, Jungkook,” you send him a lovestruck smile, a puppy love face. 

“Good bye, Bun,” he replies simply, jogging down the hallway. 

Being twenty-seven starts to feel a little more like heaven. 

Jennie used to annoy you in high school, but now she just down right scares you. 

Her presentation is one straight out of a thriller, with red shadow lights and neon green splattered in the dark room. Her models are intense, her designs are beautiful but overwhelmingly chaotic, and the whole affair is rather grotesque. The headline Fashion Suicide glares at you in a morbid scarlet font. 

Hoseok sends her a tight-lipped smile, and presses a button on his desk. “I need my antacids, Krystal,” Hoseok deadpans. 

Nothing betrays Jennie’s wicked expression, in fact her smirk widens at Hoseok’s fear. 

You on the other hand, are cool as a cucumber when you walk up to the front of the conference room. In fact, you barely have to say anything as the presentation presents itself. Jungkook took the liberty of making a video compilation for you, one that they could use in YouTube and Instagram promotions. 

“This, is preserving our youth,” you declare proudly, letting the video play. The music that accompanies it is very coming-of-age, like a yearbook slideshow of all the pictures you took. Taehyung, Jimin and Seokjin hold their arms around each other in matching attire, looking like friends for life. There’s even some videos of you and Jungkook at the park, playfully arguing at each other. “I’m tired of seeing people who could care less about my life, who I can’t relate to.” 

“This issue is for the unsung heroes—my best friend’s older sibling, the captain of the football team, and the black sheep with a dream.” 

The video cuts to Jungkook, looking ultra cool at the camera while he’s dictating Seokjin’s moves. It was taken on your phone, and you’re zooming in on Jungkook’s serious face before it breaks into a laugh, eyes crinkling and bunny teeth showing at whatever stupid thing Seokjin said. 

And finally, the video fades into a mock cover. The five of you are beaming at the camera, cheek-to-cheek as you hold up the placard: Ego: Class of Youth. 

Needless to say, the issue is yours. 

You ignore Jennie’s icy stare as you leave the room to negotiate with the creative teams on a set schedule. However, it seems that you can’t get a bit of rest when Jennie waits for you in your office.

“Jennie, get off of my desk,” you frown, watching a coffin-tipped nail flicking against a photograph of you holding hands with Jungkook in the amusement park. It hangs on a corkboard, standing up with all the other ideas that you and Jungkook have spent the last week meticulously planning.The black enamel scratches at your smiling face. You are not having this, not after all your hard work and all the meetings that have just been planned. 

Her feet dangle in the air, kicking back and forth as she sings your name. “You’re still such a child,” she sighs dramatically. “In fact, I think your cute little-wittle idea would suit something more like Highlights or Disney Monthly.”

“You’re just upset I did better than you,” you cross your arms.

Jennie’s nail slices your visage in half. 

“You’re right,” Jennie turns a 180 and gives you a bright, candy-coated smile. “Your idea is so good, it doesn’t suit Ego. In fact, I’m sure the editors at Mono will pay a pretty penny.” 

“Excuse me?” 

“Ugh, you are such a fake.” Jennie giggles, “now, did you send this idea to Namjoon yet? Their publishing date is two weeks before ours, so I’m sure they’re getting to work on this whole Throwback Thursday spread.” 

You can’t believe the words coming from Jennie’s mouth. Before all of this, just how awful of a person were you? How could you sabotage your company on the regular, just to get paid a little extra dough for a rival company? It makes you think about what could’ve possibly changed. Had leaving your friends without a care in the world made you into this lost adult, grappling at the seams for attention? In college, did Jennie coerce you into being manipulative and backstabbing, and because without Jimin and needing confidence in a friend, you reluctantly agreed?

The coffee from this morning starts to back up in your throat, but you immediately tamp it down. No, you can’t be pushed around like this. You can’t keep pushing people around. You don’t want a life like this, and if you ever return to your old life, you’ll damn make sure you’ll create a future without Jennie in the picture. 

“I’m not going to send anything to Mono, and I’ve already fessed up to Hoseok,” you lift your nose in the air, voice impeccably clear for someone who’s absolutely bluffing. But Jennie’s face hits the ground, immediately buying your lie. You suppose you did become a good actress after ten years. Maybe Seokjin taught you a few pointers. “So if I were you, I’d swallow your tongue before words get around. I worked it out but don’t be surprised if a pink slip comes your way.” 

Turns out that no matter what, high school never ends. There will always be backstabbers and freaks and geeks. A mean girl that you subconsciously try so hard to appease, a grade that defines your life, and drama up to the neck. 

“He doesn’t like you, y’know,” Jennie whispers, but the words are loud and clear and you know exactly who she’s talking about. “Never had, and never will.” 

“You’re wrong,” you hold your hands, clasping them together to keep them from trembling, “he likes me.” 

So you leave the office, determined to prove yourself. That kiss last night was nothing short of magical, and it took a lot of strength for you to not drive up to Jungkook’s apartment in the morning in the hopes for another one. You pick up a pizza near his place, filling it up with your favorite toppings on one half and his favorites on his. A bottle of peach champagne is nestled between your arms. In the bathroom while waiting for your pizza, you’ve wriggled out of your tight suit and into a blue hoodie and bicycle shorts. Tonight, you’re celebrating. 

You’re vibrating as you’re knocking eagerly on his front door, excited to tell him the news. You hear a rustle from the couch, and some blankets shifting about. He must’ve passed out after going to the bar, how cute. 

But when the door opens, the vision in front of you is far from cute.

A woman, with cat eyes and a slim figure, tilts her head at you. She’s dressed in a large white shirt, transparent enough to show her lacy black bra and panties. Bruises decorate her neck and thighs, like red and purple gems. Her long black hair swishes, slightly frizzy at the bottom. 

“Can I help you?” her voice is sultry and velvety. “Are you looking for JK?” 

It’s obvious as to what transpired. Jungkook dipped after kissing you and fucked another woman. A woman who’s the complete opposite of you. Someone flirty and sexy and willing to give Jungkook what he wants. You don’t know who you should be mad at. 

“Who’s at the door?” Jungkook calls from the inside, and you nearly drop your bottle at the sound of the rasp. They must’ve had a fuckfest if they’re just waking up now.

Your cheeks are burning. Your heart is aching. And the vile that bubbled up from Jennie’s tirade is now resurfacing. From the way your eyes are watering, you must look like a crybaby. 

“Say, JK,” the woman closes the frame tighter around her small head, preventing you from seeing inside and for Jungkook to peer, “do you have any pathetic ex-girlfriends?” 

“No,” comes the muffled reply, “come back to bed, it’s getting cold without you,” the pizza starts to burn uncomfortably against your grip, “why the random question?” 

“Dunno, seems like you’ve had at least one.” 

At that moment, your savior appears in grey jeans and a beige hoodie. Jimin walks up to the floor, clutching a bag of groceries. It’s not hard to put two and two together as he spots you looking incredibly small in front of the strange woman, trying so hard not to break down. 

Your tears finally fall when Jimin reaches you. “Wrong room,” you mutter under your breath, quickly following your old best friend when he shoves you in his apartment. 

No words need to be explained when Jimin leaves the groceries on the coffee table and he’s pulling you onto his lap. You clutch him like a koala, rubbing mascara and blush all over his clothes as you sob. He pats your back and soothes your hiccups by offering you a glass of water. The stages of your meltdowns are pretty cut and dry, even after ten years. He still encourages you to finish the whole glass. He makes sure you have something to eat. He cuts your pizza into little bite sized pieces and feeds you. He doesn’t pressure you to talk until you’re ready, although he has a hunch as to what’s going on. 

And when you talk, he doesn’t expect a firm, “Take me home,” from you. 

“O-okay,” Jimin agrees immediately, pulling you into a sitting position. “Uptown, right? We can call an Uber or something and order from a restaurant.” 

“No,” you reply firmly, “Home-home. I want to go back to my parent’s house.” 

“That’s fine too,” he squeezes your shoulder, accepting the fob you hold out to him, “it’ll take about an hour, but I think the drive will be nice.” 

So you two sneak off into the sunset, clutching twin slices of pizza as you roll away into your Tesla. Jimin is right, ten minutes into the drive and you’re soothed by his smooth driving and the scent of fried cheese and dough. Your friend has been calm all this time, so you figure this is the right time for him to pop off. Again, this is also part of your breakdown routine. 

“Say, does this thing do calls?” Jimin asks, fiddling with the settings on your steering wheel, “Tesla, call Jeon Jungkook.” 

“Jimin,” you say weakly, although the little malicious side of you wants to goad him on. You don’t bother to fight the best friend territorialism, you just watch as his hands clutch at the steering wheel as the speakers ring. 

Jungkook picks up on the second ring, “Hey!” he says brightly, and it makes your chest pang to know how oblivious he is, “how did the presentation go?” 

“Fuck you, Jungkook!” you cover your free hand on your ear at Jimin’s shrill yell, louder than the speakers that carry Jungkook’s voice. “Fuck you for breaking my best friend’s heart twice!” 

The silence is deafening. It’s scary, like you could slash a butter knife right through the tension. 

Jimin continues, “I can understand high school because you were a real doofus, but this! You fucking lead my best friend on, only to fuck another girl right under her nose! She came all the way to your apartment from a long-ass day at work to celebrate and you ruin that day! I thought you’ve grown for the better but turns out nothing has changed since prom night. You’re still the stupid, confused little boy that doesn’t want to admit how they really feel,” you gasp at the blow, watching Jimin’s gritted teeth as he zooms down the freeway on a mission. “Good fucking riddance, Jeon!” 

Jimin punches the “hang up” button. A couple seconds of heavy breathing, and he turns to you with a gentle smile. 

“So, you want to listen to Taylor Swift’s new album?” 

Your room is lost in time. The Hunger Games novels are stacked on your shelf, looking old and worn. A Glee poster hangs over your four-poster bed, the yellow and red faded and the corners hanging by a thread from the old tape. The sheets are a pale pink, ruffly and definitely not in style anymore. When you sit on it, it creaks uncomfortably. 

You hug yourself, tucking your knees in as Jimin marvels at the room with an equal amount of awe. 

“If you could, would you go back to high school?” Jimin asks, sitting at the edge of your bed. 

With a lazy shrug, you smile at your collection of polaroids that are hanging above your vanity. You’re still hurt, but the pain is no longer rolling in waves. “Maybe,” you reply, “probably would’ve taken you to Europe with me.” 

He chuckles, “Is that the only thing you would change?” 

“If I knew what I knew now?” you tilt your head, “I don’t know.” 

Jimin gets off your bed, pressing a kiss into your forehead. “I’m gonna raid the kitchen and see if we can make something for dinner, yeah? Since your parents are on vacation and your fridge is probably empty, don’t  judge me if there’s only Totino’s pizza rolls and nuggets in the freezer.” 

When Jimin leaves your room, you quietly close the door and lock it. You lean against the cracked wooden door, falling onto the carpet and letting the tears fall. Is this what the rest of your life is going to be like? Evading pain and working too hard and trying everyday to stay afloat? Is adult life always going to be this difficult?  

These past two weeks have been nothing short of a rollercoaster. Major highs and major lows, and after today you thought you reached the end of the ride. However, it’s looking like the ride has no destination in mind, rolling in waves and finding a new hill or loop to catch you off-guard. 

“Are you kidding—how did you know we were here?” Another corkscrew. 

“You’re a turtle on the road, Jimin. Now move out of the way.” 

Jungkook’s voice startles you, and you tense when you see the gold door knob jiggle. Of course as strong as Jimin is, he’s no match for Jungkook. You hear Jimin grumble to curse Jungkook out, and the sound of him stomping down the stairs. 

“Hey, open up. Please,” Jungkook’s voice is weak and strained, and you only hug yourself tighter as the knocks continue. “Or, don’t. It seems like you can listen to me perfectly from here. I can hear your breathing.” 

You don’t say a peep, preferring to let everything fizzle out. Hopefully Jungkook will give up, say a pathetic sorry and be on his merry way. You don’t know why he’s followed you all the way over here, why would he bother coming when the damage is already done. 

There’s a slide of fabric across wood, and you can feel the door shake against your back as Jungkook leans on his side out in the hallway. 

“Back in high school, Jennie proposed that I date you to get back at you for stealing Jennie’s sewing sample and getting the higher grade,” you close your eyes, letting the story unravel. “She wanted to build you up before breaking you down, and back then I was vulnerable and thrived on attention, so I thought nothing of it.” 

You hear a breathy exhale from his side, as if it pains him to continue, “But obviously, it wasn’t true and I only realized it until I was way too deep. I liked you, so much. Heck, I think I might’ve loved you. We were so wrapped up in this relationship I even convinced myself it was real, until Jennie said she’d crush you at prom night.

“I should’ve tried harder to convince us not to go. I should’ve told Jennie to fuck off. I should’ve come clean. I should’ve done something,” his fist bangs against your door, the vibrations of the impact thrumming in your back, “seeing you so beautiful in that dress all heartbroken because I didn’t act sooner. I’m so fucking sorry.”

Hearing him pour his heart out is like watching your memories in his shoes. The pieces find homes and paint a picture left unfinished. 

“And then when you showed up at my doorstep, I was so angry. I knew you felt it. But I wasn’t upset at you, I was upset at myself. I felt so fucking guilty. I hated how easy it was for you to let me back into your life. I hated how easy it was to fall for you all over again. I knew how much I didn’t deserve your forgiveness, but you gave it to me and I was too selfish to refuse. I had so much fun, the most fun I’ve had in awhile. 

“I’m sorry I kissed you. I didn’t intend for it to I just, I couldn’t help myself. And then I was so scared that I turned away and made the second biggest regret to date.

“But it proves that we’re not meant to be together. I don’t deserve you,” the last part is hushed, a nail in the coffin, “we can’t turn back the time, but if I could I would change it all. I would be by your side and make your world even better than it is right now. I’m sorry it’s too late.” 

You clutch your mouth, suppressing the cries that muffle through the door. You hear Jungkook get up from your old carpet, turn the other way and head downstairs. 

Your first love just closed the chapter for you. His words show how much he cared for you, but didn’t know how to express it. How immature he was, how he realized everything too late. And now, he wants to set you free. Even if it is a good thing, it still tears you to shreds. 

Moving to your vanity, you pull out the chair and lean your head on the table, eyes poking through your hair. You look awful. The skin under your waterline is puffy and your eyes are red and bloodshot. Your forearms feel greasy, and you lift them up to reveal glitter painting the entirety of your skin. Your eyes dart to the open glitter, the package that Jimin gifted to you that fateful prom night. The compact is broken in half and left on the table, probably a product of your younger cousins fiddling through your old room. 

Ignoring the sticky feeling, you let yourself continue to cry. You feel like you’re stuck in the bathroom of the prom venue, waiting for an opportunity to sneak out and go. 

But you want nothing more than to go back to that moment. As amazing as your twenty-seven year old life is, you’re not ready for it. You don’t want a life without Jungkook, or a life having to constantly catch up and mend your relationship with Jimin. You don’t want to be the backstabbing bitch that tips off other magazines, or the two-faced woman who messes around with others for the sake of pleasure.

You long to go back. You long to live and grow. To be seventeen and have time to grow in-between. 

When you lift your head from your vanity, you’re ten years younger.

You scream. 

Your parents dash to your room with a kitchen knife and a confused face. With a wary smile and a teary gaze you say that it’s only a pimple. Your mother giggles and drops the knife, hugging you and helping you conceal the invisible mark. The hug is so warm and so missed that you nearly sigh in content. You’ve missed them. 

It’s a little strange to think well beyond your years, your brain still reeling from the trip you’ve just had. Your hands smooth over your body, the previous curves and maturity hidden away in your skin. That’s okay, you don’t mind waiting anymore. There’s much more important things at hand. 

If Jungkook isn’t going to realize his mistakes until it’s too late, you have to speed up the process. 

Stealing your parent’s keys and hopping in your Accord, you drive off to Jungkook’s. Hair and makeup not done, and still in your plain shirt and jeans. An hour from now, Jungkook will text you saying his car is down and he’ll meet you at the venue. 

It’s still rush hour, so he doesn’t notice when you park a few houses down. He’s sitting on his front porch, looking out the road. There’s really nothing in front of him, he’s just staring aimlessly, probably nervous about what’s about to go down tonight. You suppress a sigh, engraving the vision to memory. He looks great in his fitted black suit and tie, a little silver pocket square on the breast to match your dress. 

He gets up quickly when he sees you, as if caught in the act. Staring at your plain clothes he asks, “Bun, why aren’t you dressed? Prom’s soon—”

“Jungkook, I want to break up.” 

You see it in his eyes. Vulnerability. No longer do you feel insecure, the future told you that Jungkook genuinely did care for you back then. Or in this case, right now. His usual cheery expression crumples at your feet, and his hands fall at his sides. It feels a little unfair, knowing that you have experience under your belt, and Jungkook’s experiencing these feelings for the first time, unprepared. 

“What?” he wilts, “why?” 

“I know about Jennie’s plan,” you say instantly, unfazed. You give him a tight-lipped smile when realization hits his face. “So I know this whole relationship is orchestrated. The sewing sample fiasco is wrong, obviously. But I’m not going to get mad at you, I know she played you as much as she played me,” you clasp the straps of your purse, stopping you from fidgeting, “we graduate in a few months anyway. We don’t have to see or talk about this ever again. You should go enjoy your prom night with your other friends.” 

The present-day Jungkook is still young and confused. He’s at a loss, looking like he’s on sensory overload as he absorbs all the information. You see his eyes flicker to where your Accord is parked, your prom dress hanging on one of the arm pulls. You never even pulled it out of the bag. 

“Here,” you pull his corsage from your purse, placing the white rose atop the porch. If you try to put it on him, you fear you may never leave. With a determined huff, you turn around in the direction of your car.

“Where are you going?” he asks, clutching the railing of his porch, “what about prom?” 

“I have other plans,” you shrug over your shoulder, “have a good night.” 

You don’t look back, although you feel Jungkook’s stare burning in your head. You take great care in going into drive and punching in a new destination in your clunky GPS. This time you have to do things one at a time, once you get your Tesla ten years from now, you’re sure this process will be much easier. 

Jimin’s family comes out of the airport, looking impeccable as always. Ten years younger, with puffy cherub cheeks and bright eyes. To your surprise (but also all things considered, it’s Jimin), your best friend comes out in a three-piece suit. It’s burgundy, and suits his dark hair well. He places his luggage into your car, hugs his family good-bye and waits for them to depart in their cab. 

“You are all dressed up, and for what,” you chuckle, driving out of the airport.

“Well, when you sent that voicemail that you’d be waiting for me, I changed in the bathroom,” Jimin quips, already fiddling with your radio to play some poppy overplayed music, “but why aren’t you dressed? I thought we were going to be fashionably late to prom. Spill.”

“Hm, let’s talk about it in the morning. I wanna enjoy my prom night,” and you reach over to ruffle Jimin’s soft black strands, “y’know, you’d look really sexy as a blond.” 

He pulls down your mirror, positioning it over his face. Pursing his plush lips, he tilts his head. “Yeah, maybe when I’m older,” he grins at his reflection, “so if we’re not going to prom, let’s go get pizza.” 

So the two of you get pizza. But not before you take your prom pictures. Your parents meet you at the park with their old digital camera, ready for your impromptu photoshoot. Jimin uses an old tarp to cover the car up while you change in the car, shimmying in your sparkly silver tulle dress. Your hair is held up and away from your face, looking clean enough to be presentable as you pose for the camera. The two of you pick yellow dandelions from the grass, matching flowers as last minute dates. Your parents coo and are happy for you, knowing that even if you don’t attend the actual dance, the pictures will last forever and you’ll smile at them for years. 

Eventually you tell Jimin about Jungkook and the whole fiasco (sans the ten year mental time jump.) The reaction is expected, Jimin says he wants to fuck Jungkook up. Surprisingly for him, he doesn’t have to do much to console you. In fact, you sip coolly from your smoothie and say Jungkook will probably let Jimin get a punch in even though Jungkook can bench press his tiny body in half. But you tell him you’re okay, and all you want to do is go home and binge watch. 

Jimin carries the pie in his lap while you pull up your driveway. The smell of toasty cheese and fresh dough fill your car. 

“I want to watch Sky City,” Jimin sing-songs, “Kim Seokjin is God’s gift!” 

You crinkle your nose, “He’s alright.” 

“What! You thought he was so hot like, last week.” 

“Things change.” 

Jimin makes it to your room first, saying he’ll take care of setting things up. He’ll probably steal all the available cushions and make a fort for himself while he puts a picnic blanket on the floor in front of your television. You can imagine him hogging all your stuffed animals, placing it on his side of the carpet while he rifles through your drawers so he can change out of his suit. 

Your parents tell you to take out the trash before you have fun tonight. Careful not to get your dress dirty, you hold it away from your body as you waddle out the front door. You make it two steps into the driveway before the soggy trash bag is whisked from your hands.

“I got it,” Jungkook says quietly, and it takes little to no effort for him to haul the large bag into the waiting trash can. His shoulders are slumped under his white button-up, his suit jacket probably stuffed somewhere in the back of the car. 

“Jungkook,” you reply, dumbfounded, “it’s only eight, prom isn’t even over yet.” 

“I know… but then I realized you weren’t gonna get your money’s worth if you didn’t go. I asked the waitress if she could get me a doggie bag for my date and,” he holds up a stapled bag, presumably the dinner that was supposed to be served, “it’s your favorite.” 

“Thank you,” you give him a small, grateful smile as you accept the bag. “But that doesn’t explain why you’re here.” 

He bites his lip, stuffing his hands in his dress pockets. “A-and you told me before you left that I should go spend prom night with my friends,” he ruffles his hair, blown out of the pomade and falling into his eyes, “and then I realized that you were right. Jennie and all those people out there aren’t really my friends. They like my rep and they like my attention, but they don’t like me.” 

You shake your head, “Jungkook, you’re very likable. Jennie and her group are just one bad bunch.” 

“But I don’t wanna be liked by my rep. I wanna be liked for the things I love,” he steps a hesitant step towards you, and he relaxes when he sees that you don’t recoil, “I haven’t told anyone this. But I want to drop that sports scholarship. I applied to an art school, and I got in.” 

Suppressing a grin with a bite of your lips, you cheer silently in your head. Things are changing. “I’m so happy for you, Jungkook. Congrats.” 

“And I’m sorry for all the fucked up things I did. Jennie may have manipulated me but I definitely was a big part of it,” Jungkook pulls the words out of the sky, finally having enough time to formulate an apology, “but please don’t doubt for a second that my feelings are fake. I really like you, and I wish we got to know each other under better circumstances.”

“I wish we could’ve,” you echo sadly. “But our futures—” 

“I don’t want to lose you.” 

“I liked you, so much. Heck, I think I might’ve loved you.”

You shake your head, frowning at his kicked puppy expression. “I’m considering a fashion school in Europe,” you reach for Jungkook’s hand, squeezing it. Letting him know that everything’s going to be okay. “You and Jimin can visit me during the breaks, Europe has some great spots to photograph.” 

Something in Jungkook’s gaze tells you that it’s not enough for him. He wants to be selfish and hold onto you tighter, but you know that’s not good for the both of you right now. “That’d be nice,” he says vaguely, giving you a pained smile. 

Jungkook rubs his thumb over your hand, relishing in the softness of your skin. “You look really pretty,” he says, looking forlornly over the dress. He can only imagine how ethereal you’d look under the fairy lights that decorated the venue, “I wish we could’ve had one dance.” 

You shrug, “The night’s still young,” you gesture to the space in the driveway, and the lights that overhead the garage. 

The slow Taylor Swift music that plays from his pocket is muffled, but it doesn’t deter either of you as he places his hands on your waist and you wrap his around his neck. You’re wearing your bunny house slippers and Jungkook’s neck is moist from his nervous sweats, but you know that this memory will be engraved in your brain for years to come. 

It feels good to know that from now on, you don’t have to be so concerned about the future now that you’ve had a taste of it. All you want now is to take it one day at a time. At this moment the, the only thing you want to do is focus on how you’re going to hold onto Jungkook for the last time. At least for now, who knows what will happen in the future. 

“I really want to kiss you, Bun,” he leans in, foreheads touching, “but I don’t deserve it.” 

“You’re right,” you tease, “you don’t.” 

He frowns playfully, “Ouch. But fair.” 

Yet you figure you’ve made enough headway these past few weeks, and you deserve to be a little selfish. One last kiss, you think to yourself. Your fingers flatten against the pressed material of his collar, meeting in the middle to clutch Jungkook’s slim black tie. Jungkook bites his lip, looking down at you for permission. With the tiniest of nods, you get on your tippy toe toes you lean forward and you can smell the apple cider lingering on his lips—

“Ohmygod—are you broken up or not!” both of you whip your heads up to see Jimin hanging over your open window, looking absolutely bored. His arms dangle over your sill, wearing a frayed high school jumper. “Either tell him to get lost or invite him over to watch television because I’m hungry!” 

You pull away from him fully, squeezing his biceps. “Want pizza?” 

He shakes his head, “I think it’s a trap. Jimin’s waiting for me to come up so he can rip my head off,” he gives a tentative wave to the second floor, but Jimin just scoffs and goes back inside, “but I’ll see you Monday.” 

“Okay. Good night, Kook.” 

“Good night, Bun.” 

Your heart pinches a little as you watch him drive away. Before, you knew what the end game was between you two. It didn’t end pretty. Now, you’re not so sure. At the very least, it isn’t ending on a sour note. 

Some time later.

“Your majesty,” you give her a practiced smile, taking careful measures not to brush the lady’s shoulders too hard in the fear she’ll whittle away, “emerald is an impeccable color on you.” 

The Queen of England (the McDuckin' Queen of England!) just laughs at you and waves you off. You can’t believe you’re photographing a real queen. This is like the childhood equivalent of meeting Malibu Barbie. You thank every single choice and mistake you’ve made in your entire life that has brought you up to this impeccable moment. She’s a vision, you could cry. In fact, you’ll cry later in the comfort of your hotel room. “Do you think the photographer will take long?” she asks, frowning, “I have drinks with my friends in an hour.” 

You smirk, pleased to know she’s still kicking it in her golden years. “Yeah, just so long as my husband doesn’t get distracted. Fifteen minutes, tops.” 

“I’m not distracted,” Jungkook huffs, pulling away from his tripod. He gives up on trying to stabilize the camera, instead preferring to go freehand for this one. He gives you an incredulous look, hands on his hips, “I have two queens in my viewfinder and I only got room for one. Get out of the shot, Bun.” 

With a playful roll of your eyes, you step away from the lady of the hour to let Jungkook do his thing. He’s right in his element, blurting choreographed poses and telling the lighting people to move at his beck and call to get the perfect angle. You stand a distance behind him, letting him take control. 

“I’m so hungry,” your whisper is low enough to blend between the jazz music, but loud enough for Jungkook’s ears to listen in, “please tell me you’re almost done.” 

“Oui, oui.” 

“Wrong language, Kook. Please don’t offend anyone,” and discreetly, you take one step closer in your Tory Burch flats, “did you get any candids of me and the Queen?” 

“Duh, Bun,” you can’t see his face but you know he’s grinning, “Jimin will faint.” 

"Oh, yes! Thank you, I love you," you gush, reaching over to discreetly pinch his butt. 

He shakes his head, looking over his shoulder to give you a brief smirk, "Show me how thankful you are tonight." 

So silly, you think. It's amazing how well you work together as two separate entities of a photoshoot yet share a brain cell in the presence of each other. In another world, Jungkook said if given the chance, he'd be by your side and make your world a better place. 

Ten years later, it's exactly that and more. 

[rek1s-headband]

if it's okay with you, could I request headcanons for reki and langa with a shy s/o?

A/N: Thanks for the request! Hope you enjoy:)

With a shy s/o

Characters: Reki Kyan, Langa Hasegawa x gn! reader

Warnings: none!

Reki

Absolutely loves it

It’s a real comfort to him. Being the upbeat, talkative person that he is, he appreciates having someone there to just listen to him, to just take everything in instead of questioning him on it

Would be like your bodyguard in public. If he feels you’re getting uncomfortable while you’re both around a lot of new people, he’ll either offer to take you around and introduce you to them so you feel better, or take you outside for a breather

Always asking if you’re comfortable going places when he knows a lot of people will be there

Sometimes he can be a bit blind to stressful situations. Being the extrovert he is, he’s a lot more comfortable being around new people, talking and making passing comments with ease. But one tug of his arm or a quiet glance his way and he’s springing into action, holding you close and asking what he can do to make you feel better

Eases you into things. He’s always going to make sure you gradually get used to new places, and will never leave your side

The pair of you met at S. he was racing in a beef against your friend, and you were there to support him. The two of them were on good terms of course, it was just a friendly race

He saw you chatting to him after the race, and he was honestly blown away by how gorgeous you were. He found himself staring, admiring your quiet smile, talking in a hushed voice. He wondered why you weren’t talking louder, it wasn’t exactly a library out here after all.

Langa flicked his temple after a minute or two, saying “if you’re gonna keep ogling them like a creep, you might as well go say hi.” He could feel himself glowing with embarrassment, but before he knew it he was shaking off his nerves and walking right over to you

He called out to your friend, giving him a high five as he began to talk about the race. You stayed relatively quiet, glancing at your phone occasionally and looking around. This threw Reki for a loop, surely you had something to say about the race? Confident as he was, he didn’t feel like starting a conversation without your friend hopefully introducing him first.

Just as he expected, your friend pulled you over, introducing you to Reki. You gave him a smile and a quiet “hello” before going back to your phone. Reki was a bit disappointed, but he didn’t let it show. Soon after, your friend announced he needed to go talk to his friend, and he’d leave you two to chat for a few minutes. You watched him leave with pleading eyes, begging him not to leave you with this complete stranger

There was a silence between you two for a minute or so, but Reki soon broke the silence. “So how did you find the race? Did you like it?” The words were already spilling out, and you felt yourself get embarrassed. What were you supposed to say??

“Yeah, it was..good.” You were mentally kicking yourself, wishing you could say more, but your brain was turning to mush in its attempt to converse with this new person. It didn’t help that he was, well, cute. Like, really cute. His hair was held back with a headband, but a lot of it still managed to escape, his fluffy locks obscuring his vision. You found yourself staring, and only snapped out of it when he waved a gentle hand in front of your face.

“Nothing else? What did you think of my skating? Was I good? Did I look cool?” He was ducking his head down to the part of the ground you were staring at, looking up at you with big eyes. He wasn’t used to talking to such quiet people, but hey, it was something he could get used to. To him, there was something quite endearing about your small smiles and wide eyes, simply taking in the world around you. You reminded him of Langa when he first met him, one-word replies and big eyes. He grinned, hoping you’d warm up to him like Langa did

He began to worry you didn’t want to talk to him when you didn’t respond, but a grin quickly spread across his face when he realised you were blushing. Reki’s mind was going into overdrive as your eyes widened, throwing your hands over your face.

“No! I mean- you were really cool, I liked that trick you did in the middle...” your voice quietened again when Reki dramatically let out a gasp, collapsing to his knees and holding a hand out to you. Your face was practically crimson at this point, frantically looking around, wishing for your friend to materialise and rescue you. You turned back to Reki, about to ask him what he was doing, when he suddenly spoke up.

“THEY SPEAK!!” He shot you another smile. “And here I was under the impression you just stood there and looked pretty.” You felt your face grow impossibly redder, but you surprised even yourself when you let out a loud laugh. Reki looked at you with wide eyes, and he could feel his grin grow even wider. You pulled him off the ground, looking around, still half mortified from his display. You tried to let go of his hand once you picked him up, but he just held it even tighter, his face inches from yours.

“So what I’m hearing is that you liked my skating?” You tried to look away from him, but you could feel yourself getting lost in his amber eyes. Taking the record for the worlds worst timing, your friend came back with a drink in his hand, apologising for how long he took before his eyes landed on the pair of you. To any bystander, the two of you looked quite intimate. Hand in hand, faces inches away from meeting

You pushed away from Reki, resembling a tomato as you waved your hands, telling your friend it wasn’t what it looked like, that you were just talking. You turned to Reki for backup, but you were met with someone who could only be described as though they were on airplane mode. A giddy grin on his face, and a small blush creeping across his face, he quietly ran a hand through his messy hair while giggling. This only worsened your case, turning around to your friend to hide in his shoulder.

Of course, Reki magically ended up with your number by the end of the night, and you were bombarded with texts before you could even set foot outside the doors of S

Langa

Unlike Reki, he’s slightly more versed in the art of silence. You can always guarantee a bit of a brain break when you’re with Langa, just enjoying each other’s company in comfortable silence

As for Langa, he appreciates having someone who doesn’t expect him to be keeping up with them talking a mile a minute. Of course, he loves listening to peoples’ endless babbling too, he just likes to be a bit more active in the conversation sometimes, which you make easy with your quieter demeanour, leaving more space in between your sentences for him to give input

He is glued to your hip in public. Mumbling sweet nothings in your ear as you walk along the streets, he’ll quietly talk about random things he finds strange or funny about the things he sees around him, keeping you in gentle company so you dont feel stressed

At any social gatherings with a lot of people, he’s rubbing circles in your hand, making sure you’re not uncomfortable with the people around you. If at any point he sees you begin to get restless, he’ll excuse the oar of you and take you for a walk, or even just to get a glass of water

The two of you met at the skate park. He’d been practicing with Reki when he saw you walk in with one or two of your friends, shifting from foot to foot as you scanned the park, checking to eye who was there. When your eyes landed on him, you were surprised to see he was looking straight back at you. Embarrassed, you looked away. Suddenly the floor was looking quite appealing to you.

Slightly agape, Langa’s mouth quickly turned into a little pout. You didn’t even smile...Of course, you didn’t even know him, but why did he suddenly feel like he really wanted you to?

Reki watched his friend’s mind spin, a little grin settling on his face. Did little Langa here have a crush? The cogs were already turning in his head, thinking of ways to make the pair of you interact. Not to mention, he wouldn’t mind getting cozy with your friends while you two talked...

“Langaaaa, you should really go talk to them yknow.” Langa almost gave himself whiplash with how fast he turned his head away from you, a look of panic spreading over his face while he stammered out that Reki had it all wrong, that he just wanted to see who’d come into the park. Reki tutted, putting his hand in his chin. He mumbled about how Langa shouldn’t lie, that it was normal to find people hot, which earned him a smack into the back of his skull

Somewhere during the play fight, the two heard a flurry of hello’s being exchanged, and they looked over to where you had been standing. Your friends were now talking to who Langa assumed were more of your friends, and watched as you trailed a little behind, carrying your skateboard awkwardly and not really knowing what to do with yourself. It became apparent to Langa that these new people weren’t friends of yours, and he felt his heart ache as he watched you stand a few feet back, glancing around and at your phone.

Reki saw how Langa stared at you, and before long he was dragging Langa up, and over in your direction. “Come on prince Langa, save your damsel in distress.” Langas brain went jdskhvmhcb as he thought of just what he was supposed to say to you, and hoped Reki would just do the talking. But to his distress, Reki gave him one last push and ran back to where the pair had been sitting. Langa looked back with a face that could only be described as “fuck you, seriously go fuck yourself.” As as he turned back around, he was met with your big eyes and a look of curiosity

He took a deep breath, taking a second to compose himself, and he took a stab at introducing himself

“Uh..hi” he mentally kicked himself, obviously that wasn’t going to do anything?? He was pleasantly surprised when you gave him a smile and a small “hello” in return. This was enough for him to regain his confidence, making another attempt at conversation

“Ok so..I saw you standing here and, uh, I was wondering if you were alright. You just seemed kind of lost.” He gave you a soft smile, giving his shoulders a little shrug as if to say well there you have it. “I’m Langa, by the way.” You looked up at him as he spoke, and Jesus, he could feel himself staring at you again. There was no denying you were incredibly attractive, and from up close it was just amplified. He was brought back to reality when you laughed, and his face lit up when he realised you were going to actually talk to him.

“Well, thank you for your concern, I didn’t really know what I was supposed to do with myself honestly.” You let out a quiet sign, giving him a soft smile before continuing. “It’s my first time here, and my other friends have been here before, they’ve gone over to their friends, and I didn’t really want to interrupt. I still dont exactly know how to ride this thing yet either,” you motioned to the board in your hand, “so you can imagine my predicament.” Langa looked down at you with a smile, quietly laughing before attempting to talk

“Well, if you want, I can give you a few pointers.” You gave him a look of concern, waving your hands around. “Oh no, its fine, you’re with your friend, I wouldn’t want to butt in-“ your rambling was cut short when he grabbed your hand, and you felt your face heat up.

“You’re not interrupting anything. Let me just grab my board and we can start.” He brought you over to Reki, who was acting completely oblivious to what had been going on, even though he was the evil bastard who set the two of you up. He looked up with a smile, handing Langa his board and offering you some food with a wink in both of your directions. He chuckled as he watched Langa lead you away, getting up and grabbing his board, deciding that while your friends were there he might as well attempt to impress them.

“Keep yourself a bit more balanced.” Langa instructed you from atop your board “you wont fall off as much then.” You were glowing from embarrassment, feeling like all eyes were on you as you failed to stand on the board without shaking. You mumbled about how it was easier said than done, sighing as you got off the board again. Langa nudged you to stand onto it again, this time his hands wandered to your waist. If you weren’t crimson before, you were now. Langa quickly realised how suggestive this looked, looking up at you with a panicked expression

“Uh-Not like that! I just..to keep the board still!” He was now redder than you, if that was somehow possible. In an attempt to stabilise yourself, you put your hands over his on your waist, which you soon realised only worsened the situation. You were both a stumbling, red mess within seconds. Reki watched from the sidelines, amused by your ministrations.

After a while, you started to get used to the board, but even after you got comfortable Langa’s arms never left your waist. You had been practicing with him for well over an hour now, and your friends were ready to leave. With giggles and nudges they made their way over to the pair of you, before shouting your name and scaring the shit out of the two of you.

As you got off your board and got ready to leave, Langa grabbed your hand. Your face flushing red once more, you turned to him questionably

“Um.. I had a lot of fun today, would you maybe want to do it again sometime?” Your friends jumped up and down behind you as the pair of you exchanged numbers and a quick hug. Blushing as you linked arms with your friend, you gave Langa one last smile before leaving the park

Maybe you were glad your friends dragged you here today after all

[well-its-not-human-anymore]

Hi! Could I get HC from the guys? 👀 How they would always react to catching the reader seeing them "badly", in addition to the fact that he usually avoids them, but with his brothers it is incredible and they feel bad because they think they do not like him.  But she actually likes them and she looks at them like that because she "studies" them to draw them and she is too clumsy and shy to talk to them, that's why she ends up avoiding them. Until finally he catches her drawing them with lots of hearts or maybe they'll find her notebook with lots of portraits of them.

It's kind of funny because when I study people to draw them, they think that I look at them with hatred xd maybe I should increase my glasses prescription

God, glasses are such a pain in the ass but I have to wear them. If I don't anyone within my near vicinity doesn't have a face. But why they gotta get dirty so easily???? Makes me wanna explode or something

TMNT Headcanons

The boys w/ a quiet reader who is fine with his brothers but acts cold around him and stares a lot

Michaelangelo

mikey couldn't describe his disappointment upon realizing that you didn't want to be friends with him

well, you never actually said that to him

but he was pretty sure it was the case

you'd never made an effort to be friends with him

stared at him an awful lot though, but there was always something off about your gaze when you looked at him

like you were sizing him up, scrutinizing him, like he was an opponent

it kinda worried him

to add to that, you didn't even attempt to look embarrassed when he caught you staring

you'd just stare harder

on your end it was quite the opposite

you always found the brothers fascinating and you LOVED studying their anatomy, you'd confessed this to Donnie early on and he happily indulged in your questions

and you loved how easily you got along with the boys

well, except for Mikey

but it wasn't for a lack of trying

whenever the orange sporting turtle came around your normally flamboyant personality crept back into its little corner and hid

any words of excitement that had previously been with you died in your throat

for the longest time you didn't understand it

and you hated not understanding things, so you turned to your only outlet

that's how you ended up with an entire sketchbook full of the youngest brother in vastly different styles and poses

you had a separate book for the others, none of them as detailed as this

and when you stared to analyze you'd fallen into a habit of not looking away when caught

by your logic, if you stared back hard enough he'd look away first or just assume you'd zoned out

he didn't

and on one hectic day you'd left your sketchbook open on the kitchen table in your rush to get to work

you hadn't even noticed the slip up until Leo texted you to let you know during your shift

instant panic

in truth, Mikey was the one who discovered the book upon waking up from his nap and he'd spent the next three hours analyzing every drawing

when you finally dropped in after work to grab your book the turtle was waiting for you with it in hand

he'd asked you if you hated him

you told him no and accepted your sketchbook from him

he was relieved and screaming excitedly, just in his head

"Do you maybe wanna hang out sometime?"

You sighed in relief and nodded

"If you're cool with it- you don't think I'm weird do you?"

"I mean- you are talking to a turtle..."

you lightly shoved his chest and smiled, although it faded within a second

"Oh hush, 10 o'clock tomorrow? I'll bring snacks."

he was so stunned he could only shoot you finger guns in approval

Donatello

Donnie genuinely couldn't understand your unease around him

he'd followed all the proper expectations of holding a conversation

he was polite and engaging

so why wouldn't you talk to him?

this boy has read so many social blogs to try and figure out what he was doing wrong and he just couldn't put his finger on it

you were fine with the rest of his brothers, you'd stay up for hours laughing and gaming with them

you'd even sat still long enough to listen to Leo explain some old Japanese myth that he'd read about in a book

but with him it was always a quick, cordial greetings and farewells with bland small talk in between

Donnie had picked up pretty quickly that you weren't interested in any sort of interaction with him

and he convinced himself that that was okay

but that didn't explain the staring

he'd caught you in the act several times, eyes narrowed and locked on him

especially when you were alone with him in a room or just in the lair

the poor turtle just couldn't put his finger on it

then he caught you drawing, he noticed early on that you always carried a small sketchbook on your person but he didn't think much of it

and it wasn't so much that he caught you drawing, in fact, he wouldn't have noticed if you hadn't snapped at him while he was trying to do a sudoku puzzle

"Damn it Donnie! Stop moving! If I fuck this arm up one more time I'm gonna decompose!"

he'd quickly moved back into the position he was in prior

"sorry?"

but you'd gone silent again, occasionally glancing up from your work and running your eyes along his frame before looking down again

nearly twenty minutes later Donnie had finished the puzzle and it seemed as though you had finished your drawing

"Uh- can I ask what are you-"

"I'm drawing you but you kept moving your arm and making me mess up. You always do that when I draw you so every damn picture I have of you stays a sketch because you always come out looking like a fucking octopus."

He just stared

"Sorry, I uh- I didn't mean to explode on you like that. I'm just- I'm really bad at talking to you okay? It's so easy with everyone else but you've just gotta be so damn smart all the time and I worry that you'll think I'm boring so I just... don't talk to you?"

Donnie is stunned™

You refuse to show him the drawing until you can complete the line art and color it

But at least he knows that you don't hate him

Leonardo

To be completely honest Leo didn't mind that you were distant from him

You created an aura of calm when you were around and you always managed to distract his brothers while you were present

And he enjoyed the alone time

But after a few months that calm acceptance turned into jealousy

Not that he would ever admit it

He would just push it off and ignore it, that usually seemed to work

So why wasn't it?

And your obvious staring problem didn't help at all

Leo didn't spend much time considering his appearance but something about your gaze made him self conscious

And he hated that with a passion

Why was it that you could hold entire debates with his siblings? Even his dad for gods sake. You'd have hour long conversations on almost everything but whenever he tried to say hello you'd make up some lame ass excuse and scamper away

He just wanted an explanation

It appeared that the answer resided in your sketchbook

You'd left it open on the couch when Raph had called you away to spar with him

Leo very delicately flipped through the pages, careful not to disturb some of the polaroid pictures of his brothers

He was admittedly surprised to find pictures of himself among the pages

One of him in a handstand, another of him meditating, there was even one of him mid sneeze that you'd recreated with pencil and paper

The image of his eyes was the most startling, but the book held no polaroid of his eyes

You drew them from memory

And he was shocked when you returned to the room and didn't immediately panic

But that might have been because he didn't try to withhold your book from you

"It took me three months to color them, your eyes. I could never get the shade of blue just right."

"I'm gonna be honest with you y/n, I really thought you didn't like me."

You had the nerve to roll your eyes and follow it with a laugh

"I don't. I mean- I do but no, you just remind me a lot of myself and I haven't exactly figured out why yet. I thought that maybe if I drew you it'd be easier to figure you out..."

"Well did it help?"

You grinned

"I'm talking to you, aren't I?"

Raphael

If there was one thing Raph hated it was not understanding something that was right in front of him

which is ironic, as a much younger version of himself probably couldn't care less

and a part of him wishes he didn't care about it so much

he wishes that your blatant avoidance of him didn't upset him

but shit, it got under his skin better than any needle ever could

was it too much to ask for you to just tell him what he said or did wrong?

was he asking too much of you?

but on the same scale you'd never shown obvious dislike towards him, you were never rude and you sure as hell didn't talk shit about him to his brothers

you got along great with them

in fact it was getting more difficult to remember a time before you became a part of his family

he'd become so used to your presence that it no longer put him off when he found you hanging around the lair

but in another sense he was certain that you hadn't spoken more than three sentences to him in your time knowing him or his family

so what was the reason

several months in he finally caught onto the staring, your narrow, glassy gaze locked onto his body and refusing to look away

he stared right back at you

this annoyed you for several reasons

because within five seconds your very peaceful drawing session had turned into a staring contest and your eyes were getting VERY dry

then you exhaled in a half-sigh and looked back down at your paper

"Huh, I guess your head is more of an oblong shape..."

he took offense to this

"What tha' hell is that supposed t'mean?"

now your eyes held more of an amused silent judgement, you begrudgingly held up your sketchbook

"I'm drawing you, you fucking walnut."

"Oh..."

now you rolled you eyes and tossed the book to him, he nearly dropped it and fumbled with the pages

your annoyance was quickly growing

"Careful with that."

He flipped through the pages at a snails pace, assumingly because he couldn't quite believe what he was seeing

you had some real talent

when he looked back up at you he was wearing that crooked smile

"and here I was thinkin' that my eyes were just green."

Hope I was able to get this down pretty well! I really enjoyed writing this one! Thanks for the patience!

-Mars 🌠

[agent--swan]

Close to Home

In which the reader interrogates a suspect and is reminded of some shit.

One of these days I’ll write a decent Criminal Minds fic.

Well, I’ve got some personal bullshit going on, so here! Have a self-indulgent angst fic! As if I haven’t written enough of these already. (See: @swan--writes.) You can also find this fic on AO3.

Warnings: childhood trauma, emotional/psychological abuse, all offscreen, Hotch is an angsty boy who cares about his team, show-typical violence, Swan-typical language

Words: ~1,420

Other Stuff: reader is gender neutral but was raised as a daughter, you could read this as Hotch x Reader but it could easily be read as platonic

The first time Hotch noticed was on a case.

He wishes that the first time he noticed wasn’t on a case.

He wishes that it had happened on a relaxed day, when there was nothing going on but consults and reports and accounts and logging. He wishes that the rest of the team had been so busy with paperwork that they wouldn’t notice him pulling you into his office to sit down and talk about it. In retrospect, even he could admit that there were benefits to not being at Quantico, and therefore not having a private office to pull you into. There was more time to think about what he wanted to say – to be gentle.

You were on a case somewhere in the Midwest, but neither of you would remember exactly where even two months after it was over. The unsub was attacking teenaged girls. The unsub’s type was specific: ages between fourteen and seventeen, brown hair, brown eyes, most of the girls had freckles, and all of them were chubby. That seemed important to the unsub. It made you see red. You only had one survivor – your only material witness – but she was holding back, feigning memory loss. Morgan was certain that the cognitive troubles she was having weren’t genuine, but he had no way of proving it. That was his pet project while you were on the case.

Reid was on the geographic profile as always. JJ had her hands full with the media circus, teenaged girls always got extra attention. Rossi was leaning pretty hard on the principal of the school that all three of your victims had attended, along with your one attempted victim. Prentiss was covering the guidance counselors. The school had three. She had her hands full. You did not envy her.

That left you to speak with the mother of the attempted victim. Hotch had asked you to handle her before the jet even landed, and you had readily agreed. It was the first time he had handed you your own angle since you’d joined the team just a few months earlier, and you felt more than capable. You were good with mothers, Hotch knew that.

Hotch had never tried to limit your role in investigations, not even in the beginning. He knew that you were capable when you joined the team, and he saw that you were a fast learner. He wasn’t cautious with you, didn’t watch you too closely, didn’t take you under his wing. Hotch let you do your thing and facilitated where necessary. It wasn’t often necessary, you fit right in.

So, Hotch asked you to talk to the mother, and you thought nothing of it. Until you started asking her questions.

It was subtle at first. She was defensive of her daughter, and defensive of her parenting. You understood that, it wasn’t uncommon. What was uncommon was the way she seemed to interpret your questions. “Why did you insist she only apply to in-state schools?” became, in her mind, “Why are you holding her back?” “Why do you limit her social life?” became, “Why are you isolating her?” The less accusatory you tried to sound, the more her hackles raised. It wasn’t entirely unjustified, every time you walked out of the interrogation room you learned something new about the way she had held her daughter back or isolated her.

You started leaving the mother in the interrogation room by herself for longer and longer stretches of time, though never an unprofessional length of time. You were careful about that. It was just that you were finding it harder and harder to catch your breath. The tinnitus in your left ear seemed to be growing steadily worse, and you couldn’t force your hands to stop shaking. That wasn’t when Hotch noticed it, though. He asked if you were alright once but dropped it when you told him you were.

Finally, Rossi cut the principal loose and Prentiss came back to the station. You were in interrogation when the others realized who the unsub was.

Surprise, surprise, it was the mother of the survivor.

Morgan had been right. Your survivor did remember who attacked her and was terrified to admit that it had been her mother. In the survivor’s mind, her mother was a huge, tyrannical figure who could talk her way out of anything. Even a murder investigation.

The rest of the team gathered around the one-way mirror and watched as you and the mother of the survivor – as you and the unsub – zeroed in on each other. Reid wondered aloud if they should intervene, but Hotch insisted on waiting. Hotch watched you closely. Later, he would wonder if he had been watching you more out of interest than a genuine belief that you could get a confession out of this unsub. He would feel badly about that.

You were standing. The unsub was seated. You were leaned over her and shouting. She was watching you with venom in her eyes, and though you held firm, Hotch notice the way you were pressing your hands into the table. The way you slid photographs toward her instead of picking them up and dropping them in front of her; a more aggressive move that any of the rest of the team would have used.

“You couldn’t stand it, could you?” you asked while the unsub openly glared at you, her jaw set, her expression stern. “You couldn’t stand the idea that your daughter would never be you. She was never going to stay at home and be mommy’s perfect little helper, she was never going to forget about the pain you caused her. You gave her everything?” You shook your head. “Well, she took it, and she learned how to be a decent goddamn human, and instead of letting her grow and maybe, I don’t know, being proud of her? You insisted–” you slammed the table right beside a photograph of some of your survivor’s worse injuries “–on making her pay for your bullshit.”

You were shouting right in the unsub’s face when she lunged with an enraged cry. The team moved as one to back you up.

The unsub managed to scratch your face before you could react. You managed to get her hands behind her back and pressed forward against the wall by the time Morgan and Prentiss reached you.

“Get her out of here!” Hotch commanded.

“After everything ungrateful little leech put me through, she got exactly when she deserved,” the unsub spat.

Hotch didn’t spare the unsub more than half a glance, he just went straight to you. You had never heard his voice so soft as when he asked if you were alright. He moved to wipe away some of the blood trickling warmly down your face, but you pulled away before he could and insisted you were fine. Of course you did.

The case ended there, four victims deep but one still alive. It was a relative victory and the team treated it as one. They chatted comfortably on the ride back, but not you. You curled up on the couch at the back of the jet, facing away from everyone. You didn’t have a book, you didn’t have your headphones in. You just lay there with your eyes closed, fighting tears that you tried very hard to blame on your migraine. Your head killed; your heart hurt. As horrific as parents hurting their children always was, there was something about this case – something about a mother and a daughter – that was more painful, more personal, and hit even closer to home for you.

You couldn’t help thinking about how the unsub had killed three people but hadn’t killed her own daughter. You wondered what that meant. You wondered if it meant anything.

You stayed still at first when you felt someone sit down at your feet. They didn’t move for a long time, and when you finally gave in and opened your eyes, you saw Hotch. He looked at you with more concern injected into his normal frown, and there was something in his face that was gentler than usual. He didn’t say anything. He didn’t try to comfort you. He just watched you, watched the tears gather at the corners of your eyes, watched as one made its way down your cheek like blood dripping from a wound. You knew you looked miserable, but you watched him right back, and you knew he understood. He did.

.

.

Please reblog if you’re comfy with it

If there’s any interest I’ll make a tags list

[actually-reid]

filling in the blanks as we go - chapter one

pairing: spencer reid x reader

summary: you’re still fairly new to the BAU but you’ve grown the closest to spencer. not wanting to ruin your friendship, you try your best to ignore your crush until a certain case forces your feelings (and maybe even his) to light.

a/n: this is my first spencer fic (i’m only slightly nervous posting this so any feedback would be lovely)

read on ao3 here | chapter two | masterlist |

I can sense him approaching my desk before any of my senses actually pick him up, call it intuition or just knowing him well enough that I can feel his eyes on me as he weaves through the bullpen towards my desk. He has his red cardigan draped over one arm that's resting on his satchel and a coffee in each hand.

I don't look up at him as he approaches, his first sign that something is weird, but I can't bring myself to really look at him. I practically hear the cogs turning in his head as he puts my coffee in front of me, waiting for some kind of acknowledgement.

"Can you believe that Strauss wants these reports in before tomorrow morning?" I say, giving an excuse for my false extreme concentration that only allows me to flash a quick smile at him as he hovers over my desk which is right next to his. "Wish I'd stayed behind last night instead of going to O'Keefes." I scoff and this seems to relax him as I watch his back ease from its normal perfect posture whilst he leans on my desk.

"Glad I finished those last night then." He remarks as he skims my work, smiling to himself. He pushes himself off of my desk and walks to his own, taking off his satchel and rummaging through it as usual before placing some files on his desk.

"How was last night then? Got kind of quiet here last night." He states and I know that's his way of saying that he'd missed me. He's lounging in his chair logging on to his computer and I can hear him still retrieving things from his bag.

Staying late had almost become the one thing that we did outside of the rest of the team, no one else living local enough or without families to warrant staying late enough. It'd started when I first joined, desperate to not fall behind on paperwork and prove myself to the rest of the team after being so in awe of them all. It had also seemed the perfect way to get to know the elusive Dr Reid who didn't seem very social around large numbers of people. I'd find that as long as I didn't make too many pop culture references he was very good company (and very pretty in the harsh light of the office late at night). Recently, we'd started staying more often than usual and I'd started looking forward to our evenings together, despite the large amount of reports. He either made me very productive with his love for paperwork or he'd create some very technical version of an office game like paper ball bin toss to motivate me, usually after Hotch left.

I was taking too long to reply and I could feel his eyes on me again. It didn't help that I hadn't written down a single word since he'd arrived.

"You know, just the usual. It was nice to blow off some steam." I say, trying to ignore the memory of the previous night before biting my lip subconsciously.

I'd made the mistake of playing him at poker a few days ago and he'd won with what seemed like ease, taking the time to delve into formulae and statistics afterwards which I'd listened to eagerly. He'd also humbly bragged that he knew what my tell was and despite my begging had refused to reveal it to me. I start to connect the dots at what my tell might be though once I hear his side glance at me turn into his chair swivelling around to face me uncharacteristically. If I could feel his eyes on me before, I could feel his stare now.

Last night had gone fairly fine in all honesty, apart from the fact that I'd realised the past few weeks I'd been a lot less subtle than I thought I had about my feelings for a certain doctor. We'd been spending too many late nights at the office and after winning a joint competition of making the best paper planes against Anderson and Garcia, Reid had picked me up and spun me around in victory. It'd been amazing, feeling weightless out of nowhere and having him pressed against me. In fact, I'd enjoyed it a bit too much. As he put me down, I nearly tripped over my feet and he'd had to steady me with a hand on each side of my arms. His hands were so large and warm, I could still feel where they'd touched me if I thought hard enough. For a man who claimed to dislike physical contact, he'd definitely initiated more than I ever expected although it wasn't quite enough where I would feel comfortable reciprocating out of the fear I'd step too far.

I had decided a week ago that I definitely had a problem when I'd found my stare locked onto his hands at the round table, so I distanced myself. I'd spent fewer nights alone with him in the office and I assigned myself jobs during cases I knew he wouldn't volunteer for, like interviewing victims or visiting families. I hadn't gone whole cold turkey as that would have been too obvious, so I spent about half of the last case with him and half without him. I really thought I'd been clever with it too, until the rest of the team cornered me whilst I was already tipsy at the bar.

"So what's going on with you and Spence?" JJ had asked me, shooting me a suggestive look over her cocktail. It'd been so out of the blue I'd nearly spurt out the half mouthful of alcohol in my mouth which meant the option of acting innocent was absolutely out of the window.

"Nothing, why would anything be going on?" I said flatly, trying anyway, fighting my body's instinct to display any nervous behaviour at a table of profilers. Emily rolled her eyes at my response and Derek pretty much snorted and it was at that point that I realised I really had been rumbled.

"Well, honestly we all thought you'd had some sort of argument but then we saw him looking like a kicked puppy and you making like, love eyes at him whenever he left." Derek explained and the only thought running through my head was LOVE EYES????????

I must have looked pretty mortified as Emily chuckled and started to wrap her arm around my shoulder and rub my arm in comfort. I'd been so careful about my body language around him that I had completely let myself go when he wasn't around, thinking that it wouldn't be a problem.

"He looks like a kicked puppy? I thought I was careful enough so he wouldn't notice I was distancing myself." I had said sadly, and I watched Morgan give me a sympathetic look.

"He isn't stupid," JJ had said softly. "You've almost become best friends recently, he's going to notice any change. He hasn't really gotten this close to someone else for a while now."

Every word that JJ said made me feel worse. I'd never wanted to hurt him, I just needed the space so I didn't accidentally do something embarrassing like fall in love with him.

And now here I was, sat at my desk feeling awful as I lied to him about why I'd blown him off again as he brought me a morning coffee, a habit he'd developed since my second week here. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't started associated the smell of it with him.

"Y/N." he says, and I sigh before finally forcing my eyes to meet his. A friendly reminder of my crush is my eyes being drawn to how adorable his hair looks this morning, slightly ragged and curling around his face. "I know for a fact you hate going to the bar, yet you chose to do it again last night rather than stay late and I also can't help but feel like you've maybe been avoiding me lately? If I did something to upset you, I'm really sorry but I'd really like to know what it was so I can apologise properly-"

"You didn't do anything Spence, it's all on me. Sorry." I cut him off, and a pang of guilt hits me again. The team was right, he had felt me moving away and I had hurt his feelings. "I'm super sorry for making you feel like it was your fault, it really wasn't, honest."

"Then what's wrong?" he asks. He has that cute look of concern on his face where his eyes look soft under scrunched up brows and his bottom lip finds its way between his teeth momentarily as it always does when he's thinking.

It's at that moment that JJ walks through the double doors to the bullpen with Garcia on her arm making a beeline for our desks. Thanking my lucky stars, I stand up with my coffee to face them as I can tell from Garcia's face that she's dying to tell us something.

As they approach, JJ's face to me is full of consolation. I can tell that she's read the body language between Reid and I, probably displaying something awkward. I give her a smile that hopefully conveys I'm okay before Garcia grabs both of my wrists and looks into my eyes with a look of faux seriousness.

"There is a Doctor Who convention in six weeks and I know from the Boy Genius that you like Doctor Who as well so you're coming with us!" She rambles and my heart warms at her thoughtfulness as well as the fact that Reid must have been talking about me. I can't help but glance at him as she continues and he gives me a slight shrug, his face still serious from our previous conversation despite Garcia's energy.

"I'll come." I say with a slight laugh, and it's totally worth it for her full on shriek of excitement. I hope it'll also help partly make it up to Reid that I'm willing to spend time with him outside of work, even if Garcia is also around.

As she talks about cosplay and panels, I notice JJ glance at Reid with a look before interrupting Garcia with, "Didn't you say we had a case?"

I was definitely dreading being left alone with Reid again, so with a small sigh of relief I link arms with Garcia as we walk to the briefing room, leaving Reid and JJ trailing behind me. I take my normal seat which happens to be opposite Reid and continue to listen to her talk about which of the doctors is her favourite as I open my tablet.

Eventually, the rest of the team filters into the room one by one and as Garcia starts to brief the case I resist making glances at Reid like I'd become accustomed to doing over the past few weeks, knowing he'd be too engrossed in the case briefing to notice.

"Two men have been found dead in the last week in Springfield, Missouri. The only thing connecting the kills are notes found in the men's homes and the same unclear cause of death, at least until we get the ME report back." Garcia explains, and she presses the remote to show the two notes on her presentation behind her.

"'She isn't yours anymore.'" Reid reads aloud. Both notes are almost identical, written with the same handwriting.

"Looks like it's written in the same pen, were they found on the victim or just nearby?" I ask, wondering if these notes had been written warnings or were part of a signature.

"For the first victim, Steven Brook, the note was on his desk in his study with the rest of that day's mail but for the second victim, Greg Juniper, it was in his fist." Emily answers, reading from the file.

"Well then, that suggests that the notes were warnings rather than part of the signature but that he has a very short waiting period." I state, staring at the untidy clearly male handwriting.

"That or he's posting the warnings himself and stays to see the recipient's reaction. What if he sees them read the note and when they make no effort to cut off this woman he takes matters into his own hands?" Reid adds.

"If his waiting period really is that short, we should get moving and brief the rest on the jet. We don't know how fast he could be going through this list he seems to have of people that should stay away from this woman. Our key to finding him will be finding who connects these victims together. Wheels up in thirty." Hotch finishes, and we all stand and start to file out of the room. Everyone seems to be talking to each other about something but I can't hear any of it as I accidentally make eye contact with Reid.

He offers a small shy smile and I try not to melt. I smile back at him but I can see as he turns away that he doesn't completely believe what I told him earlier, that it wasn't his fault.

"Spence," I say, hanging back at the round table as everybody leaves. He's nearly got a foot out of the door but upon hearing his name, turns around on one foot almost too quickly and one of his hands darts to the doorway to catch himself.

"Sorry!" I squeak, chuckling at his clumsiness as he moves to stand more casually whilst laughing with me. "I just wanted to clarify that it really wasn't anything to do with you, why I've been distant this last week, and apologise. Again." I state, a nervous hand finding its way to the back of my neck with my gaze darting between his eyes and his shoes.

"Is everything okay?" he asks, and I find myself restraining myself from rolling my eyes at how perfect he was. Here I am, apologising for basically ignoring him and he's the one asking if I'm okay.

"Everything is going to be fine. Are you okay?" I ask, and he nods appreciatively but I can tell from his face he doesn't believe me.

"Can I hug you?" I ask, thinking it might be the only thing that convinces him I'm fine. Touch was the one thing that had made me realise the beginnings of my crush on him and I'd been desperate to avoid it but if I could give him any reassurance right now I would happily suffer for it later.

He doesn't answer, he simply starts moving towards me. He's taller than me so I reach up and place my arms around his neck while I feel his arms wrap around my waist. His hold on me is gentle yet firm and it's the safest I've ever felt in someone's embrace apart from my own parents. His head rests happily on my shoulder as mine rests on his and we stand there for a couple of moments.

"Did you know hugs have been proven to lower stress and inherently boost immune systems and lower heart rates and blood pressure?" He informs me, and I laugh before releasing him.

"Well I certainly feel more relaxed, do you?" I answer him, picking up my tablet and bag from the round table.

"I feel a bit better now, yes. Thank you." He says, standing to the edge of the doorway gesturing for me to leave first as he always did. As we walked over to our desks I ignore the small doubt in my head that allows me to imagine a relationship with the man stood holding my coffee (again) as I pick up my go bag before heading to the elevators. As we wait for the doors to close, we stand in a comfortable silence.

I couldn't avoid him, that was clear now. Communicating with him would definitely ruin whatever we had right now as he hadn't made any obvious inklings of reciprocating my feelings although I wondered if Spencer Reid was the type to make typical romantic gestures. My only option was to continue as normal and hope that whatever crush I had on him didn't get any bigger. Whilst it wouldn't be the end of the world, having a relationship at work wasn't exactly ideal.

Looking over at him as the elevator floated downwards, I looked him up and down as I thought. Remembering that the majority of the team knew my feelings made me cringe. I had settled into their preset family fairly easily considering, but this meant that they were all far too comfortable and I start to mentally prepare myself for the teasing. JJ may have seemed forgiving this morning but I could easily imagine what she and Prentiss would be like together.

The elevator dings as it reaches the ground floor and we step out together. Our next stop is one of the SUVs to head to the jet and I decide to try stop thinking about personal problems and go into case mode. My Reid problems could be dealt with after the case, or at least I hoped they could.

(if you got this far, thanks for reading <3 stay tuned for part 2! read part two here)

[castiel-left-his-mark-on-me]

Hi, Ary, very inactive ex-mutual(i think???) here. Good to see you thriving! ♥ It's been a while since I've dipped my head into cockles stuff. Could I perchance maybe ask uuuuum tf is going on??? lol I see Mish apparently confirmed he used to stay over at Jensen's in Van, and heard newbs were apparently freaking out about it and getting a bit messy, which I get that, business as usual. But I'm also seeing shit about spin-offs? And Jared getting in a twitter fight with Jensen, causing/resulting in stans to going feral and sending hate?? I know you're not as big a fan of Jar, but that's part of why I figured I'd ask you, you usually have a really level head about this kinda stuff. If you don't wanna answer publically, or at all, that's totally chill!

Hey, Rhi! We're still mutuals! Of course we're still mutuals! When I saw the notification of your ask, I was like "Hey! I haven't seen you in a while!" and my husband was like "???" and I said "Tumblr" and he said "Oh."

It was a wild time haha.

In any case, welcome back to the dumpster fire! We are obviously still a mess. So to catch you up, I guess I will start by summarizing both before and after the finale (not sure where you left off so this might be redundant for you) ... basically, it became obvious as the end of the show neared that Jensen was not on board with the plan for the finale; although Jared never stopped singing its praises.

We got confirmation of this during a zoom interview where Jensen said that he actually went into the writers room as well as called Kripke to basically voice how he didn't agree with the direction the final season was going, but he was shot down on all fronts. In another interview, he was asked "What would you tell your younger self going into this career?" And Jensen responded with: "I would tell myself to just keep your head down and do the work" meaning, "Don't try to change things because you can't." I also think that this whole situation is what he wrote "Let Me Be" about for his first Radio Company album, but that is just my own speculation. All of his reluctance, even though he always followed it up with "But I eventually saw the value in the script" or "I came around in the end" (which never sounded sincere, and I don't think he was really trying to sound sincere) made us all very nervous about what was to come for 15x20; and of course, when the last two episodes aired, we saw just how badly they fucked it up.

After the awful finale, the entire fandom became aware of the CW's heavy handed role in the thing, basically squeezing all the life out of SPN to shape it into a ramp from which Walker could launch itself. They not only erased all the love and joy and representation that Cas's love confession gave us, they also tore apart the things that made sense about the bond between Sam and Dean, making it really just about Sam-- and therefore Jared, which of course, Jared seemed to be fine with ... even though no one else was. Misha barely said anything during the finale, and a few of the other actors talked about the show ending in various posts, but Jared tweeted up a storm ... and Jensen? Jensen just sat in sexy-silent resentment of the whole thing. He didn't tweet, he didn't post, he didn't say a word once he no longer had to, and I think that's because he was already going full-steam-ahead on his plans for redemption.

Which brings us to Chaos Machine-- Jensen and Danneel's new production company that is being run by a queer creative director and has a mantra of inclusivity and representation woven throughout it's fabric; and apparently, the first story that Jensen wanted to tell through this new platform is the origin story of Sam and Dean's parents; so last week (?) he announced the upcoming production of "The Winchesters" -- the untold love story of John and Mary. Obviously, John is not the most likable character from the show, so the idea was met with a lot of resentment when it was first announced, but Jensen has gone on to say that he is excited to take on the task of telling the "true" story behind these characters-- the one that makes sense with the pre-established canon and doesn't reject it. So, given that, the idea is being mulled over with a bit more optimism from the fandom.

Who isn't being optimistic though?

Jared Padalecki.

When Jensen made this announcement on Twitter, many of his friends and coworkers congratulated him, but not Jared. Jared responded with a passive aggressive: "I'm happy for you, man, but I wish I didn't hear about it through Twitter." This of course, sent all the die-hard Jared fans into a tizzy and they immediately began asking him if he was serious (hoping it was just a joke-- we all hoped it was because there would be fallout no matter what one's opinion on Jared is). Instead of leaving it there though or just deleting that tweet, Jared went on to tweet some more, saying that he was being serious that he didn't know about the plans for the prequel, and that he was "gutted" that Sam apparenlty wouldn't be included (mind you, this a prequel to SPN... meaning BEFORE Sam and Dean were even born, so how could Sam be included? But Dean is apparently narrating this story so maybe Jared thought Sam should be helping to narrate it? I don't know). But Jared being Jared couldn't just leave that there, he then went on to tweet at Robbie Thompson who was announced as a writer for "The Winchesters" so then Jared went off on him too, calling him "Brutus" and a "coward" acting like Robbie betrayed him (speculation is-- Robbie refused to write for Walker, so Jared is pissed that he essentially chose Jensen over him). He did fairly quickly, remove that tweet attacking Robbie, but of course the damage was done at that point. And it truly only took his first tweet calling out Jensen for some people to be like "Jared-- that sucks if you didn't know but why are you saying any of this publicly?"

As you might know, Jared has had issues in the past with posting hurtful things on social media, and has even used it as a tool for attack before-- calling out customer service agents and public workers that he felt have wronged him, which is bad enough ... but for him to then do the same thing to his best friend of well over a decade? Many people who had once liked him or at least gave him the benefit of the doubt (I used to ...) stopped after this latest twitter tantrum.

However, some people have suspected for some time that J2 had a falling out either shortly before the finale or just after. Their public/social media interactions have seemed awkward, stilted or even non-existent in moments that they normally wouldn't be. In the past year, when Walker premiered, Jensen didn't say much about his friend's new venture other than a "Congrats. buddy" here and there. Later, we learned that Jensen refused to work on the show ... Jared said he make him do it, drag Jensen to the set "kicking and screaming" which made many fans quirk up an eyebrow because, why would Jensen put up a fight unless the two weren't as close as they used to be? And then Jensen moved his family to Colorado (either permanently or for an extended period at least) which is notable considering how he moved to Texas seemingly to be closer to Jared, even buying a house that was near his. All this was just speculation though; but it wasn't until Jared's tweet complaining about not knowing about the prequel that the theories behind them falling out, became less theory and more fact.

The day after his twitter tantrum, Jared tweeted again-- not retracting his statements or apologizing, but instead saying that he and Jensen "talked" and were "all good". Jensen then tweeted too, parroting this statement to some degree, which only made the whole thing even more sour in the mouths of the fans. The fact that Jared didn't apologize for his outburst and throwing his friend under the bus, and also the fact that Jensen-- Mr. Sexy Silence, Mr. Never Tweets, Mr. Tech-Ignorant-and-Proud, actually had to POST SOMETHING saying that he and Jared made up, it just screamed OPTICS. It was obviously the work of agents and PR firms and lots of people going "Look, if you two keep beefing, that will mean the death of both of your projects. Even more people will stop watching Walker, and this SPN prequel will never get picked up due to the scandal." So, the two "made nice" publicly to quell the chaos, but in my opinion, it's all too little too late. Jared started a storm that he can't contain now with a little tweet, and it seems like he knows that too because before he talked about him and Jensen making up, he asked that people "not send threats". He could have just as easily said that he shouldn't have made this a public issue and that he's sorry, but instead, he continued to play the victim and stoke the flames by alerting us all to the damage he's done.

Now, like I said before-- I used to give him the benefit of the doubt. I don't think he's an awful human or that he deserves to be attacked or anything, but he is an adult man with very poor judgment and an obvious selfish-streak a mile wide. He should know better, and he should have more respect for his so-called "friends" and "brothers" than to make them targets to public ridicule. I have a hard time believing that Jensen still sees Jared the way he used to, and I wouldn't blame him a bit for wanting to pull away-- especially when he's moving on to so many new and exciting things. Jared certainly deserves happiness just as much as anyone else, but he went on twitter and basically asked for a scandal, and he got one.

The question is now-- was there a motive behind it? Was just looking for a reason to bring his and Jensen's falling out to light-- while making himself looking like the victim in the process? Or did he genuinely not know about the prequel and just decided to go about "not knowing" in the most toxic and hurtful way he could manage?

In any case, that is the drama ... that is the J2 insanity in a rather lengthy nutshell ... that is the tea ... and I hope it all makes sense.

But the good news out of all of this is, Cockles is thriving-- they are happy and in love and Jensen calls Misha "Babe" and Misha misses waking up to see Jensen in the morning, and they are just as cute and wonderful as can be.

So, I will end that there. I am so glad to see you back, and I hope I answered all your questions in a way that made sense ... I tried anyway!

💖💖💖