#I am back and I am announcing it with aggresive intent

[offshore-brinicle]

see now i'm wondering if his ring ID is the kind of person yi sang could have become if he didn't join limbus company. like he internalizes the thinking pattern of "i'm a fool and not worth a damn and everything i do only hurts people" and expresses that self-loathing via his art. eats drywall

OK SO. I TOOK SOME TIME TO ANSWER THIS ONE BECAUSE I WAS TRYING TO GET HIM FOR MYSELF. I don't even really play the game anymore and keep up with the story via YouTube but. Y'know just to prove a point basically and Virtual Yi Sang Collectionism while I find myself with too much free time again so you might have gotten to see it by yourself by now but. Still.

Actually looking into this with his story and all of his dialogue they really did just give him an actual Bad End ID like Nclair, Ahabmael and G Corp Gregor (with some variation of Erlking joining eventually? but I have no idea how that will work taking in count the plot aspect) since Spicebush Yi Sang doesn't really Qualify as one of those and is even framed as being empowering in a way for him taking in count its release was timed so it could be used in the Farmwatch fight instead of waiting for the end of the Season like the others. I believed that W Corp Yi Sang was this spiritually; since it depicts him at his lowest point imaginable following on the track he was on already and the themes of Canto IV perfectly though not related to it, but now Ring Yi Sang has shown us a much more connected, and much darker potential path for him. So I'll take this post as my chance to analyze this:

In regards to his self-loathing it's very interesting that he actually seems to feel a sense of pride not seen in any of his other IDs, talking about "what he deserves" and disregarding everything that doesn't cause him a reaction. He now uses creation itself as a way to fill the emptiness inside of him, while in the main story, Yi Sang's resolution was that his impulse to create was his way of connecting with others.

You can see that in these lines, where he has completely disregarded everything about life and other people, pretty much all of his dialogue revolves around wanting to create and he has only interest in what can inspire him, to the point he nonchalantly kills civilians for failing to make him feel that way.

I feel like this is even expressed in the Sins for this ID compared to base Yi Sang, the set-up is the exact same; S1 Gloom and S3 Sloth. However, the one that changes is S2. Regular Yi Sang has S2 Envy while Ring Yi Sang has S2 Lust. Added this to Ring Yi Sang's passives even being fueled by Lust as well while base Yi Sang's are fueled by Gloom. I take this as a representation that he has taken this Lust, an obsessive desire, as being what will drive him forward throwing away all the self-loathing and regret, with many of his lines calling the past meaningless.

Now I'll tackle his story and do a rundown on it while giving my observation, as it ellaborates into this and what his mindset is (and frankly, it's utterly fantastic). First of all, we get a unique, dissonant track that so far seems to have never been used in any other instance in the game to my knowledge.

Yi Sang's approach to his scientist position is very...unique, because he does so as an artist rather than more proper scientific people like for example Faust, Dongrang, Aseah and Gubo. People who simply want practical application and results, means to an end. Dongbaek seems to be the only person who shares this approach he has which is why their bond is treated as unique compared to the other League of Nine members. At his core, what fascinated Yi Sang so much about technology and sciences was simply the euphoria of discovery itself, finding new things. Which is tackled immediately when Ring Yi Sang's story begins as I am showing here.

With science, you never truly "create" anything, you go through right and wrong answers until finding something that works or causes some effect, he even says so himself in Canto IV. And he goes on to criticize his prior fascination with technology with this particular aspect in mind. Even more shockingly is that he calls the League of Nine's conferences a "waste of time" now, each of their creations predictable which could tie into him being a one-of-a-kind genius, which is also somewhat tackled in Dongrang's observation log. To him, everything else his friends made was child's play.

So instead, he looks towards what made him so fascinated with The Mirror in the first place, echoing this particular point he makes during his log for Dongbaek, both of them are driven to reach something abstract and inconcievable and ended up using technology as their path to that vague destination that can only be described in poetry.

And finally, he completely foresakes his past at the League. He even he believes he finally has his wings but calls them fabricated, and there is something obviously wrong with the entire thing on multiple levels. They are fabricated wings because he was guided to this conclusion by the hand of another, rather than the introspection throughout IV. His chapter title is "The Unchanging", and it's the only chapter where the trait assigned in the title to the focus Sinner is a positive; him staying true to himself and his ideals was the key, but he needed to actually move past his apathy and actually grasp them, but here he has completely changed beyond recognition. Turned arrogant, callous and utterly irrational, discarding all of his self-loathing by divorciating himself from the self that he hates, yet the Sloth—the apathy remains, instead of moving past it, fighting it back with his Lust in an endless cycle of dopamin chases while growing numb to everything else and even destroying it if it fails to satisfy that Lust so that it will, as shown as he kills failing students to take delight in their shock and agony.

But at the same time it frames that portrait of the League in his background art a completely different meaning. It is most likely that this portrait is a mockery of all of them, regarding the past and the life he lived until now including his past self with the same condescencion he does examinees that fail to impress him. Specially when you take in count how his own face is much more well-painted than the childish erratic strokes he assigns to the other, making them look ridiculous. But at the same time, Yeonsim is there under them, but flipped to its underside, he still held onto it but as far as we know it might be completely broken and only keeps it as part of his insulting work going by another of his idle chatter lines.

This dark inversion of Yi Sang's journey even before Limbus and Canto IV is also emphasized by Pointillism in particular being chosen as the subject for this ID, this was first pointed out by this Korean Twitter user (and fellow irl Yi Sang enjoyer going by the layout) in the original announcement for this ID:

Of course, this theme compliments Yi Sang's resolution in IV pretty well. He loved the League and grew to love Limbus because they were his resting place. I can't find any translation of Jochunjeommyo however, so I can only rely on summaries and posts put through machine translation. But from what I can summarize, the story is about an artist who can't find a place to breathe and simply exist due to the materialistic, capitalistic nature of the city he finds himself in, which fits pretty neatly with Yi Sang's story as a whole.

I'd also like to point out how a less overtly unhinged variation of this kind of development is shown in his Dieci ID story (which I wanted to make a post on for a while because it really feels like it was preliminary to this and not enough people talk about how messed up Dieci Yi Sang actually is) and how he comes to adopt a mentality just like Ryoshu's, with her already being linked to The Fingers and knowing about their workings personally to the point she might have been affiliated at some point though we cannot confirm, however I will instead link to this post by my friend on the topic since they already did a dissection on how Yi Sang and Ryoshu act as ideological foils and they pretty much said it better than I could: https://www.tumblr.com/ishcliff/743271628518129664/so-any-thoughts-of-well-the-blade-lineage-itself?source=share

So that's all I've got for now! Honestly I am so over the moon with this ID and the potential implications going forward as you can imagine.

[lolocepu-jajacepu]

Nanagi Nagi

For the last moon or so, Cepu had been lying low, making sure not to draw any attention to the mafia just in case. Seems they truly couldn’t find out who did the attack. Either that or they were just waiting for him to make another move. He made sure not to wear his gloves in public, and wasn’t doing anything to bring attention to himself. He decided that he needed to get some pointers from his old master. Nanagi Nagi. Recalling the name brought up memories of her kicking his ass when he was younger. Before she left, she gave their family her new address in the Lavender Beds.. Cepu contemplated all of this while lying in bed. Though he is thinking of all of this, he is also doubtful that she’ll just take him back up again.

“She’s retired, married, I shouldn’t drag her into this,” Cepu thought. But, he had to try if he had any change of facing Gashi and living. He forces himself up and throws on the cleanest clothes he could find and teleports to Gridania, walking around until he found her house. Gridania as a whole was, as usual, peaceful and tranquil, and he, of course, isn’t very used to it.

After some wondering, and thanks to his memory of visiting once when she first moved, he found her house. He walked up to the door and he hesitated at knocking, thinking maybe she forgot about him, or she somehow knows what he is doing and will deny her. He shakes his head, braving off his reservations and knocks on the door. After a few seconds, no answer. He knocks again. A minutes passes, still no answer. He couldn’t feel any aether inside either, so he just stood there at the door, his arms crossed. He gives a sigh and turns to the city, a few people walking about. He gets out his pipe and puts it in his mouth, lighting it with a match and sucking in the smoke to exhale it through his nose.

He idly stands there, leaning against the door and people watching as he usually does in Ul’dah. Eventually, a womans voice yells out, “So y’don’t write or call or visit ‘n all of a sudden y’show up on my door step?!” Cepu looked to the direction of the voice to see Nagi, a lalafellian duskfolk with short, white hair, bags under her eyes, and wrinkles beginning to set in around her eyes. She was in a casual green dress. Cepu smirks at her and  puts out his pipe. “‘N it’s always wonderful t’see you as active as always.” Cepu replies. Nagi looks a little surprised. “No longer a shy little baby, are we,” she ask with a chuckle, walking up to him and giving him a hug. “‘S been a while. Come in, ;’m sure y’want somethin’ from me,” She continues. Cepu rolls his eyes and gives her a hug back. He truly did miss her. Nagi unlocks her door and walks in, beckoning Cepu to follow, which he does, closing the door behind him.

Inside the house, it is dark before she turns the lights on, showing the two velvet couches, a soft rug with a coffee table on top sitting in front of a fireplace.There was a small kitchen in the corner and stairs on the opposite side of the kitchen leading downstairs. It was a cozy house, still warm from an earlier fire. Nagi kicks her boots off and places them next to the door. “Shoes off before y’want in ‘ere.” Nagi announces. Cepu roles his eyes, but does as he is told, placing his boots next to hers and walking in, taking a seat on one of the couches.

“What’s yer drink o’choice? Still scotch?” She ask, walking over to the kitchen to get them both something to drink.

“Y’know me so well.” Cepu says with a grin on his face, still looking around and taking in the atmosphere of the house. There was a Immortal Flames flag hanging up on the wall, as well as some photos of her with her husband. Nagi walks over with two glasses, one with scotch for Cepu and another with just water for her. He takes the glass and thanks her, but doesn’t take a sip. Nagi takes her seat on the opposite couch.

“So, how has everythin’ been. I mean, I know it hasn’t been easy since Shida died, you’ve still a brother ‘n father with you. They’re..they’re not dead, aye?”” Nagi asked with worry written on her face. Cepu shakes his head.

“No, they’re not dead. As for myself..well..” Cepu trails off. “Well, I’ve been lookin’ into the group that killed him. Apparently the same group killed mom too.” He says, pulling some papers out from under his jacket and putting them on the table. They were all the filed he stole from the tavern a while back. “I plan on killin’ all of em, t’be blunt, ‘n I got away with one, but almost died in my recent fight..I came t’ask..for more trainin’.” He ask, a bit scared to ask, wondering what her response will be. She looks over the papers curiously.

“Eluric, I know that name. He made t’news for bein’ killed publically by some lalafell in a hood.” She says, looking up at Cepu with a peaked brow. Cepu looks away.

“Aye, that was me.” Cepu admits. Nagi doesn’t give off anything more than a monotonous hum and looks back down through the papers.

“Aye, readin’ it here says yer mother was involved until she left ‘n got tired of payin’ them after.” She says with a sad tone. She sighs and drinks some of her water, putting the cup down and looking up at Cepu. “They don’t know, do they?” She asked.

“Of course not, ‘m not stupid, I couldn’t worry them like that!” He explains.

“Aye, but yer father has been through enough ‘n your brother is tryin’ t’start a business last I heard! What happens if y’die?”

“I won’t die!”

“Y’jus’ said y’almost died in yer last fight!”

The last remark stopped Cepu in his tracks. He just huffs and looks away.

“Do they know your face?”  Nagi asked.

“No, I wore a mask.” Cepu replies. “They don’t know who I am, only Eluric knew and I killed em.”

“Now yer goin’ after Gashi. I’m surprised you didn’t die, t’say the least. I remember havin’ t’go after him once, before he joined the mafia. He wounded my entire squad by himself in five moves. He’s a quick caster, ‘n fast on his feet. T’fight him ‘n win, you’d need t’ attack aggresively ‘n  use primarily ice as a defensive counter t’block his magic.” She explains. Cepu’s eyes widen.

“I tried goin’ for him but he was jus’ readin’ me through ‘n through.” Cepu replies.

“He’s gotten better then.” Nagi says. Cepu nods in agreement.

“I got off a few hits but he threw me off a waterfall so..aye he won.” Cepu says with a bit of pain to his pride. Nagi looks away and picks up her water and finishes it, setting it back down softly on the table. Her eyes were furrowed, thinking about something.

“Yer set on this, aren’t you?” Nagi ask.

“..aye.” Cepu replies in a soft tone. Nagi lets out an aggravated noise that was rather loud.

“Alright listen up. If yer’ goin’ after them, I can’t help you because of my background, they’d spot me in a second, but I will train you. You’ll be stronger than I was in my prime! ‘N don’t think if you die you get off easy, I will drag your body out all seven hells ‘n beat your ass jus’ t’send you back!” Nagi barked at Cepu, which makes him laugh and stand up.

“Perfect. I told you, I’ve no intention of dyin’ t’them.” He says with a grin, and a bit of confidence.

“Good. Trainin’ starts in a bell. Get ready.” Nagi says.

[infinitd]

Guilty

This is the last one. I’m already hovering the delete button but I have to type this one out first. It’s been sitting stewing and now festering in the back of my mind for way too long now. I’m guilty of way too much all at the same time and all of them with the singular cause that is me. Maybe this blog is public in that secret shared way some thigns get and the whole squad has BEEN reading it and trying to give healing and support in their own way without really knowing. lol. NOT. Well.... Where to even begin? Weed? Lix? Lovers? Parents? Brain? Siblings? Art? Pretty cool how they present themselves like that once you open the double bolted, extra secured walled off and guarded door. So lets do the order they’re already in.  Weed Is great and now it gives me anxiety and mild panic attacks. I get so paranoid I feel like the whole world is watching me and even now the primary craving is for fucking nicotine of all things and the association built between the 2 are too strong to break. Not that it would even be useful to. Weeds usefullness has run its course in my life and a dependancy I have spent the better part of a decade now has to go unsatisfied with a complete reversion to sobriety because alcohol was gotten over LONG ago. I’m still tending towards bingeing behaviour with that but its almsot always a reaction rather than an actual desire to get fuucked up. No more high nights floating just under my ceiling . Hours and hours of dota and that most NEET night time routines. No more weed first thing at parties or braais and hanging with friends too stoned to converse or just talking about weed like its the only thing in my life. Prepare for a million comments on how different I am and a tacit understanding that I probably wanna get high until everyone gets used to the idea of me just being and then aggresively EXISTING again. Along with all the negative attention that comes with that I have completely lost understanding and connection with. Well that’s weed I guess (Shit i got distracted and Imma have to read all this shit again )

Lix

 The bestie thing is all fucked up and my (probably correct) suspicion is that he’s just good old tired of me. I nthat friend way. There is literally no value to my friendship. Not even material and he’s unemployed at the moment so you know it’s bad. That last cash send felt like paying rent on a friendship and I figure he must have also felt pretty gross taking it even though he needed it. Lol I wont be doing that again.I’m just intellectually and emotionally inferior at the moment, Fuck the complex. It’s just faxx now. The other one is at least figureing out (bizarre and mildly fucked up) shit for himself but Stormu no Kyodai really is just about over now. The bands broken up and all those successful bands breakups make sense now. You’ve just drawn every but of moisture and goodness out of a thing and it gets husky and weird to keep tending to it. I haven’t been a decent human being never mind friend for so long that I completely udnerstand and agree with how I’m being handled. It doesn’t even hurt that bad. It’s just weird and awkward for everyone involved and it does me no good to be catching shots. especialyl when i’m not really doing anything about it then and there. It’s only ever fun if I have a reply and this time I don’t. not even a little one. Just weak allusions to “progress” when it’s just good old fashioned laziness now. So this I deserve and I’m trying to cultivate my own friendships but my source material to work with now isn’t great and invariably I will probably find myself in a similar position to him before long. That weed addition is pretty rough on anything truly meaningful. All in all it is pretty sad that things can go this way especialyl with the newest addition of having productive and contributary friends in your life. Of course it’sa  good thing but it did kinda eliminate me from the running and that makes me lame. Now it’s just navigating this kinda weird and uncomfortable space where he wont say shit to cause damage. I wotn say shit cos I have hope and in the meanwhile the relationship will circle the proverbial drain until distance, time or some other factor snaps the last frayed string. But it is what it is. Lovers

Is actualyl kinda good. The one thing i’ve reconciled at the seeming expense of everything else is love and relationships and my ways of dealing and itneracting with em. I don’t miss exes and I don’t pine over lost lovers other that the typical momentary lapses which is cool. My current love is great. She’s good to me and I’m trying to be to her and its just good, Good all round. All good. Goodness. I sometimes feel like im trying to convince my self of something when it coems to this but actions and results sort of show themselves and it’s just been a constant relief since I’ve surrendered to it really. I’m not even holding my breath for it to last or building foundation. I’m just doing and that seems to work out best when it comes to just about everything.( This does not Feel Good Inc). PRetty wild to me that the lvoers part of this is by far the shortest and best handled but its revelaton did come at the cost of everyting else so yeah...

Parents Is god fucking awful. I mean in truth it’s kind of incredible. I’ve got the best pair imaginable on my team but it’s the resignation that kills my heart of hearts. There is no more expectation of hope or action. No drive or threats. Just plain shoulder shrugs and even that i deserve but when I finally figred it out it floored me. I have no idea baout their intentions or plans anymore. I’m completely out of the loop for the whole family it seems and I’m jsut waiting for the announcement of the intervention or the move out order or the random cash giveaway to get rid of me, I don’t even know but if not for mom I’d have been kicked out long ago. That’s pretty much a certainty and that “mothering” thing is startign to show both it’s calue and its problems. It’s far too comfortable a place to give up easily especially when you don’t bother to be really self aware. But here we are typing the things out. That’s ...a thing.... That they’ll never read or know about and that’s ok. 

Brain

Is poop cos I smoked too much but its Ok too. The regeneration process is gonna be a trip of its own. Really uncomfortable and loopy with unexplainable feelings and intuitions but that’s also OK. Better than Ok it’s recovery. The body will will be right there trhrough the process. I’m even interested in things again. Siblings is also a bit fucky. The disappointment is tangible but they’re not allowed to give up yet. We all inherited that one and it does help when i see the glimmers of hope. I don’t feel garbage but it normally starts with e being normal and not being in my head while interacting. Doing that assuming the best thing I used to be so good at. E is over me and kinda frustrated. Very Kev of him. Neez is trying but she has another baby to babysit and care about and I’m a tangential concern at best. The Suicide scare kind of reminded them of my existence in a weird but valuable way but it’s not an angle Im really trying to take. Especially now that I jsut realised what that anrrative ust look like to everyone it was shared withg hand it certainly was with khan which means by extension by the rest of the family. Probably explains strange interations now while i’ve been willfully poblivious and now I have to work to be cool again but it also wont ever be the same again unless someone else fucks up. But that’s a life long journey and doesn’t feel like it has the same urgency as the others. I’m alot more understood than I thought I was and that’s not a bad thing .

Art I’m going to go and make art and eat my girlfriends pussy and that’ll make me feel better and I’m excited for that.

Goodbye old complainy tumblr