#I am having fun tho and that is all that matters mhm ^-^

[a-cat-in-toffee]

I'm so used to system and dsmp stuff that I forgot shipping other versions of someone together is not a normal thing

NO HONESTLY ME TO THIS IS ABSOLUTELY NORMAL TO ME BUT SOMETIMES I FULLY TALE A STEP BACK AND ITS LIKE AUSGDGSGGDDHHRGRB. WHAT IF MY MUTUALS WHO ARE SSOO COOL THINK IM BEING CRINGE,,,,, GAH

[manor-tea-time]

Do you guys have any scars? Mental or physical. - 🪷

dsfjhashf What a fun question! Very ominous in its own right tho haha. I hope its alright that I limited my answers to survivors only for this one!

CW/TW: Scars/Elaborated mentions of various injuries

Wayne (-⊕ ζ ⊕-)< :

"I have a few small ones, but they're far too hard to see now I'm afraid." Wayne made a small tutting noise as he pointed to a few faint lines on his arms for the flower to see. "They're mainly from work... Sometimes the glass you work with can have a negitive reaction to the lamp's heat and, well, explode if I were to put it bluntly. Although, I do also have a larger one from my first match here oh my chest."

He blinked for a moment, his face flattening. "I hope you know I won't be showing you that one."

"Mental scarring... I suppose that would be a fancier way of phrasing what has occured to me isn't it?" His voice sounded distant, as though he was debating how much information to share. "I am much diffrent from how I was before that whole event. I don't know if my friends here would even recconise me if they met me then."

He zoned out for a moment, glancing at his hand as he pondered the matter further. How much had the events with that cursed creature caused to his mental phyche? He knew he'd begun carrying his lamp more frequently (and giving them out for protection for the other residents). It had certainly become harder to connect to others without fears of what could possibly happen to them whispering into his ears. Ah, this was all making his head spin already thinking about it. "Ah. Apologies, I think I got caught up in my own thoughts... I don't know how much more information I can give to your question right now, I'm sorry."

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Ivy ξ(❁) ⊕) ξ :

"Thats quite the invasive question to ask a stranger, you know." Ivy clicked her tounge in annoyance. She'd had her fill of people using such information to spread annoying gossips, thank you very much. "I'd have half a mind to ignore you."

Of course, she'd be lying if she said the question didn't at least make her think. In a way, the two more or less consistanly overlapped with one another, sometimes trickling its way into her day to day like the loose embers that had done this to her in the first place. It was always confusing to try to differentiate what was a habit of herself and what was leftover mimickry she'd taken as her own.

"I'd wager half of my mental scarrings would come from before my arrival here." She finally answered, chosing her words carefully - purposefully keeping herself vague as she spoke. "I've found a lot happens to a person to form them into someone that the manor would find intreauging enough to send a letter to. Although, I am curious on why you'd wish to know details on that."

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

LeRoy 🗝️>(⊖▼⊗´)•ζ:

"Oh! Well, yes." LeRoy chuckled, scraching his cheek lightly. "I'm afraid being in nature all of the time is bound to have you getting a few small scrapes every now and again! A great example is this one on my cheek - its from me falling and injuring myself on a rock."

He promptly removed one of his gloves, taking a moment to take off his jacket so he could roll up his sleeves to see if he could find any more examples. "Ah! these here are from some particularly sharp shrubbery." He pointed to a few nearly fully faded ones decorating his arm. Rambling on about various diffrent stories as he went from scar to scar.

"As you can see, I have my fair share." He said as he tidied his outfit back into its original state. "I'm uncertain for your question of mental scarring though."

The forest ranger made a small humming noise as he debated what exactly (if anything) would constitute as mentall scarring. "I sometimes find myself forgetting aspects of particularly stressful events." He tried. "As in, I remember they were stressful, just not always why or how. Its a tad annoying, really."

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Delilah Ⴑ(‘❁◡❁’)Ⴑ:

"Mhm! Right here is a small one from my early apprenticeship days." Delilah chirped, as she pointed to the small scar that went across her lips. "I was trying to show off how a Prince Rupert drop works to one of my friends at the time. You see, normally you could show off its durability by hitting the larger end against various things and then breaking the drop dramatically by snapping its tail. However, I'd mixed up that order... resulting in it exploding and a shard cutting my lip."

"As for why it didn't fully heal.... I tried rushing the healing process one too many times." She sighed, rubbing her eyes in an attempt to forget the embarassing memory. "Its a great reminder to bring proper protections now."

"As for the rest of me-" She looked around, studying what parts of her skin were visible to her. "Most of my other work related scars have healed over. You can look for them if you'd like, but I doupt theres anything of interest."

The Glass Artist seemed to not fully process the second part of the question as she continued to ramble off various times of small accidents or acts of clumsiness of her youth to the flower. Not that it was too important anyhow - she'd simply become a tad more morbid with her new ghostly abilities in her opinion.

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Pip (◼⊗_⊗’)/* :

"Pshhhh" Pip let out a breath, rocking back onto his heels. "Thats a heavy question. Anyway, I guess I do? I mean," He gestured to the two bangages on his face. Placing more empisis on the larger of the bandages. "I was told only this one would have a chance of scarring, but you never know I guess."

"A kid thought it would be funny to throw a rock at me and my friends on my way to school." A small ounce of venom trickled into his voice as he spoke. "I was able to block the bigger one they threw, but it was a pain to try to explain to my teachers without any proof to back my story up with."

He grumbled a few unspoken words to himself before he lightly tapped the smaller of his bangages. "This was just a small scrape I got from climbing a tree in my backyard. Nothing crazy."

The "Hero" blinked at the mention of possible mental scars he could have. Honestly he hadn't thought much on that before or after his time in the manor. It simply had never come across his mind as something important to dwell on. He wasn't really sure if it was right now either - the manor was too weird for logic.

He simply shrugged. "I'm not sure."

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

Bonus Summarized Ref of the more drastic scars mentioned (Ft. some silly pj designs):

-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-

[xolunamoonxo]

Bestfriends older brother:

Slow burn, there will be multiple parts to this, please don't beg for part 2 I am 1 person who has alot of work to do. (Oh and there will be smut cause I'm a whore) ;) ENJOY

Warnings: none

(Yelling in bold cause all caps looks weird)

"I don't know reggie what if he thinks we are dating. I don't want him to hate me" I say walking down his street. "He won't hate you and even if he does it won't matter cause you have me" he nudges my arm as we walk through his front gate. Greeted by a cute and small flower garden "this is cute" I say pointing to the flowers. "Thanks my mom is taking up gardening she thinks she's a guru at it" he says making me giggle. Reggie opens the door "mom I'm home" Reggie yells.

"Rooms up here" he says pulling my arm towards his stair case. We are suddenly stopped by someone already walking down. Handsome is one way you could describe him. He was tall, long blonde hair resting over his eyes, he was wearing a tight collard shirt and a pear of light brown khakis. Making eye contact with him, his hazel eyes glare into mine. Feeling intimidated I break the eye contact first.

"Who's this?". His deep voice breaks the awkward silence, and still keeping his intimidating gaze on me ."Oh this is y/n she's my friend she moved here from Arizona" he says cheerfully, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "Mhm" he says dragging the 'm' out. I look up and meet his gaze again I reach my hand out for him to shake. He just looks at it and scoffs; pushing past me and Reggie going towards what looks like the kitchen.

"He can be a dick sometime but I promise he will stop his nonsense" Reggie says in a reassuring tone. I just smile and follow him to his bedroom. It's big and spacious I walk towards his bed and plop down. "What do you wanna do?" He says kicking his bag to the corner of his room. I just sigh and stair at his ceiling. "Cool sounds fun" Reggie laughs, I join him as we sit together on the bed.

Time skip

___________________

We ended up watching some anime and eating food. "I'm gonna head home I've got chores to do I think my mom would kill me if she saw the house a mess" I say grabbing my bag. "Want me to walk you out" he offers. I politely decline and make my way to his door. "Thanks for letting me hangout with you" I say. "I'll see you later and make sure you call me when you get home" he says. "Will do" I walk out of his bedroom door and make my way down the stairs.

I hear the TV going I walk past the lounge room seeing vinnie. He was wearing plad pyjama pants and a wife beater, who knew you could make the most plain clothes and look so good I mean you can see his muscles throu-. "You like staring at people don't you?". My thoughts are interrupted by vinnie as he looks up from his phone. "I-uh...-" I stamper try to find the words.

"It's okay stare all you want-" he walks up to me so we are chest to chest, he grabs my chin and makes me look up into his eyes "-this will never happen I have a girlfriend and Reggie is my brother so go drool over someone else got it" he says harshly. "Mhm" is all I can get out. "Pathetic" he spits before he pushes me away. He walks back over to the couch as I made my way to the front door.

I walk out his front gate my face flushed even tho the cold air hits it as I rush out the door, how dare he. Me Pathetic. "What a prick" I say walking down his street, what gives him the right to call me that he doesn't even know me? Like can't I be friends with your brother you ass wipe. It is on Vincent. It. Is. On

Please comment and like <3

[startreatment]

i can't believe i haven't asked for your in depth thoughts on the car yet but i am asking it now! has the top 5 changed?

so i just checked and my top 5 was mirrorball, big ideas, hello you, sculptures and mr schwartz and tbh i don't think it did. i'm not sure about mr schwartz, i think it might be switched for the car or jet skis on the moat, but yeah. some thoughts on each track individually:

there'd better be a mirrorball: instant classic, come on now! gorgeous production, THE STRINGS!!, smooth vocals, so hazy, beautiful and atmospheric. i cried to it more times than i am willing to admit, it really is a tearjerker. i've seen some people say that lyrics are the weakest part of the album, which i obviously disagree with, but especially on this one. it's pretty simple, but still effective and touching. "i'd throw the rose tint back on the exploded view darling, if i were you" always gets me.

i ain't quite where i think i am: FUN!! the weakest one on the album, but i genuinely love it. WAAAAAAH!! i am a she looks like fun enjoyer as well, so i guess i just like having fun idk?

sculptures of anything goes: no words to adequately explain the sheer grip this one has on me. everything i wanted and more. so dark, ominous, rich and textured, we love her!! and the title's very cool, too. it is a career highlight idc what y'all say!! 5 years from now we're gonna treat it with the same respect and love we treat crying lightning, four out of five and other pretties. love. alex turner work on a portishead inspired album challenge

jet skis on the moat: didn't grab me on the first listen, but it's actually very cute! gives me western vibes, one of the songs that reminds me of TBHC the most, for some reason. love the way he delivers "or are you just happy to sit there and watch while the paint job dries?". "you know that it's alright if you're wanna cry" thank you alex, but i have been bawling since the first track so <3

body paint: still sad it didn't live up to my very high expectations that were set up by that damn kings theatre live "leak", but i appreciate it way more in context. the piano riff is insane tho, sometimes it just randomly plays in my head throughout the day. also, really enjoy the first lyric. "for a master of deception and subterfuge you've made yourself quite the bed to LIE in" ok we get it you're very funny. also. "and i'm keeping on my costume and calling it a writing tool"? yeah he's.......... mhm

the car: ruins me the same way ultracheese does, which means i sob uncontrollably until i feel like there's no air around me at all. childhood memories always get me so hard and the strings add a sense of melancholy i can't handle. very sick of them to put it in the middle of the fucking record! anyway, it kinda reminds me of faust arp by radiohead, which is a win, because in rainbows is very good. good track!

big ideas: have i ever said that we should artists grow? let them change and flourish and explore new things? hm, idk. lyrically it's a bit too on the nose, which is not what i was expecting at all, but it's a welcome change from cryptic TBHC lyrics. sometimes i just want him to say what he thinks, you know? and we're gonna stop analysing the lyrics now, because i don't wanna get upset.

hello you: the first make me hold my breath and stop me in my tracks no matter what i'm doing (kinda like nfwmb foof and diwk do so. do with that what you will). that piano riff (? can you call it that idk i know nothing about music) is CRAZYYYY. also plays in my head throughout the day, so catchy and fun. lego napoleon moveh. vortex to vortex. the buisness they call show. 'ello gruesome. HELLOOOO YOU. might be my favourite from the record if i'm being completely honest. sorry, i love a good instrumental, what can i say. i actually saw someone say it's pattern with no miles, which is pretty accurate!

mr. schwartz: my head hurts. again, not getting into the lyrics, but i HAVE to point out that "and if wе guess who i'm pretending to be, do we win a prize?" makes me wanna lay down for a sec. also FINGERPICKING!!

perfect sense: why is it so short. melancholic (what a surprise), but doesn't make me wanna die! it's the type of melancholy that you feel when you're watching the last episode of your favourite show. a nice farewell song that sounds sad but hopeful, a gorgeous closer. they Know how to write a good closing track for sure. love it!!

my overall review: makes me cry, but it's very good. would love to have a couple more tracks that sound like i ain't quite or hello you to dilute the ... whatever's going on in the middle that makes me sob, but i can also appreciate the fact that it's just 10 tracks. still, we want b-sides @ am. make it happen!!!!! a 9/10, already in my top 3 (which is tbhc > humbug > fwn = the car), taylor swift cant't relate

[prince-liest]

Hey! So my mom and every single neighbor has been on my case about switching to MD over PA because "there's going to be a new law in 2023 where you only have to work 5 hours in residency!" mhm sure, like they'd ever do that, and if they do there'd be a fuss over under-trained docs. Tho I wonder if there's any truth to the matter, or if you have any insiders scoop? I was thinking of you when I heard it since it doesn't affect me, "sweet, Bel doesn't have to work 80 hour weeks" GL! ur almost out!

I can't 100% tell if you're asking about you switching career goals from PA to MD/DO or switching your primary care provider from PA to MD/DO, hahaha, sorry! That said: While PAs don't have a residency required at all, I haven't heard anything about a reduction in residency hours to 5 when it comes to physician residency.

Considering getting even an 80 hour cap on the physician resident workweek was already met with a lot of backlash from the "back in my day, we did cocaine to survive residency" crowd, I have a very hard time imagining that happening! Nobody on the med student and resident forums I frequent is talking about it either, which is the first place I'd expect the news to blow up.

I think there's a pretty huge difference between going to school for a PA vs an MD/DO degree, and if you're not actively interested in being an MD/DO specifically, then I would never recommend going to school for it. It's not a lifestyle that is tenable if you're also disinterested in the material and career, and it's like 2-3 times longer of a time investment before you're qualified to practice.

And thank you for the well-wishes! ^_^ I'm on rotations right now and honestly having a great time! The fun part of medical school has begun, and I finally am on occasion feeling like I might know a few things! Like, at least 2 things. Maybe even 3. Thank fucking god I'm done with COMLEX Level 1.

[hematomes]

yEAH like. there's so much to do now sobs and like, not sure who i want to prioritize for wishing and aAH

kazuha is patient he'll wait for c2 mhm AND LMAO NO if that happened i'd be so damn sad pls, like. no. i. NO it would be like the dumbass geo drought all over again where there's like 1 geo 4 star and then 2 geo five stars and nothing else PFFT

i think the first one will probably be yaoyao? bc i think she is supposed to be like the dendro starter! but yeah it's gonna be a lot of pressure on dendro char to be good bc like. playerbase has been waiting so long fjfj and i think yeah dendro archon will be a buffer, i am not sure how that'll work tho bc ur right just pyro and electro would leave like, well, the majority of the elements behind? and then it's like. well. dendro archon suddenly only matters if u have pyro or electro dps, so maybe it'll be a universal damage buff or smth? idk i'm VERY curious abt how dendro turns out so

valid i just never use mine ajfjf like the last time i used mine was at least ,,, two or three weeks ago,, and the last time i used them INTENSIVELY????? like, last august LMAO bc i'd just hit ar45 and was artifact grinding

IT'S GONNA END UP LIKE THAT I SWEAR.

as much as i want a sand-based cc character and cyno fits the idea... i hope he won't be geo or anemo, im tired of geo/anemo guys like pls. pyro could be fun unless his BiS is cwof tho. idk about dendro, im kinda worried about this element and not that excited rn, it just seems like electro 2.0 with the lack of rly meta reactions

no idea about yaoyao, but if she is then it's gonna be an easy skip abdjs i can't play kids idk why

and yeah the archon could be universal buffer, we have a couple soooo. plus she'd have to be the best buffer, so that's tough bc bennett is right here,,, tho i guess it could make a double pyro-dendro team absolutely mental and ngl i like this idea

ALSO CURIOUS of dendro resonance,,, and wish they'd change the hydro one to hp bonus instead of healing

lmaooo well last time i had like 20 was a long time ago, even tho i buy the bp like a whole clown

[tartagliaxx]

hi. i only got to play in inazuma today so here's me live reacting to the archon quest. it's a lil out of context tho so have fun trying to figure out which parts im talking abt. also, this is the only time i'm going to be talking abt spoilers for at least one week so... 🤷‍♀️

swordfish ii? cute.

Jesus Christ. and here i thought it was my lowest settings that made his hair grey… this poor kid. teppei i admire your determination but no… just no...

SCARAMOUCHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

IF EVIL WHY SO HOT

you know.... scaramouche could stand still and the air would get electrified. and yknow,,, that's p... that's p attractive

ugh im disgusting myself. and here i thought i still had an inch of sanity left in me.

of all people it had to be this little jerk

scaramouche is so fucking evil. i’d like ten of him, please.

man,, they expect me to dodge this shit? that’s the biggest l i’ve heard today. none of that shit. i’m bringing out my zhong and my sweet madames skrrt

sayu is adorable… i remember when i had hopes of growing up too… alas, it has come to this.

OH MY GOD AYATO CRUMBS. I AM LICKING THAT SHIT UP. PLEASE— HE HAS A SECRET UNIT. THATS SO HOT WTF. AYATO MY DEAR, PLEASE DONT BE A REGULAR ICKY NPC BUT WHITE HAIRED…

SNEAKY SNEAK. SNEAKY SNEAK.

THOMA OH MY GOD MY MALEWIFE. HOW HAVE YOU BEEN? also, sayu’s sleeping again. this girl’s got talent. is her circadian rhythm okay?

pains me to be the bearer of all bad news and no good news…

WAIT THOMA IS LEAVING NO DONT LEAVE YET I WANT TO LOOK AT YOU MORE

oh nvm he’s still in the background.

EYY WHATS UP AYAKA. YOU’RE AS FINE AS EVER.

i… i don’t like where this is going… i refuse to be the bait. i’m too hot for that. so spicy they’ll spit me right out

DONT VOLUNTEER YOURSELF LUMINE— GIVE ME AN OPTION OR AT LEAST AN ‘OH SHIT HERE WE GO AGAIN’ LINE

YES FIREWORKS THAT WOULD WORK RIGHT? PLEASE TELL ME THAT WOULD WORK-

oh thank god… wait... they… they wouldn’t ask me to be the one to set off the fireworks right?

UNFORTUNATELY NO. AFTER YOU BECOME A FREE MAN, YOU’RE IMMEDIATELY MARRYING ME THOMA ANJKFHAIGHLANGKLAHOFJLKAB

oh crap… i’m… i’m in deep.

HE’S BEEN LOOKING FORWARD TO SEEING US AGAIN EVERY DAY SINCE HE GOT THERE ANFLaglvbajlfblabvljabefva;bfalLJBLJDABVBAALSNADL tumblr user @tartagliaxx is broken. she is now irreparable. she has no regrets. goodbye.

ehem… what if… you and i… and hotsprings… together?? JUST KIDDING. PG-13 OVER HERE. NOTHING INDECENT WHATSOEVER MOVE ALONG NOW

poor thoma,,,

oh come on ayaka… cut us some slack… i just watched lumine wheeze bc of evil purple mist only to be dragged into 2 timeskips and an entire training arc. dont let her be yet another traumatized shounen manga protagonist… altho, it might be uh… too late for that…

oh dear… is thoma going to get another round of diarrhea?

OF COURSE. OF COURSE IT’S ME DOING ALL THE WORK. OF COURSE IT’S ME WHO’S RISKING MY LIFE ALL OVER AGAIN. GOD! GIVE LUMINE A BREAK. BEING A TRAVELER DOES NOT MEAN IT’S FREE REAL ESTATE.

hello yoimiya… still looking as bomb as ever i see……… mhm… gonna see myself out rn…

HELP MY SHITTY GRAPHICS COMPLETELY ERADICATED HER BROWS

oh god… are we dying because of fireworks? forget getting caught by the patrol… we’re about to light up an untested firework that was made to be a billion times more explosive….

NO. SHE SAID IT. SHE SAID THE CURSED SENTENCE. WHATS THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN? IDK YOU TELL ME. YOU JUST SENTENCED US TO DEATH YOIMIYA GREAT GOING still love you tho.

man… these patrol guards aint shit… i literally walked an inch behind their backs and they did nothing… its a surprise the rebellion still hasn’t won when they place guards like this in their ranks………. ok that was kinda mean i’ll apologize in a bit.

SAYU OMG… DONT WORRY I’LL SNEAK YOU OUT AND RISK MY LIFE willingly JUST TO RESCUE YOU. ILYSM HONEY YOU’RE DOING SO WELL

no, paimon. it’s not but we’re doing it anyway 🤡

NO ONE TOLD ME WE’RE GOING TO RUN. I WENT COMPLETELY OFF COURSE. first try tho 😏

HELLO THOMA. HELLO AYAKA.

HELLO SAYU. HOW DID IT GO? IM GUESSING IT WENT WELL BC YOU’RE STILL ALIVE?

oh no….. she’s worn herself out…. man,,, this is why you dont make convicts out of kids….

WE ASKED SAYU FOR AN INCH AND SHE GAVE AS TEN THOUSAND MILES. SAYU MY CHILD YOU EXCEED EXPECTATIONS

god, don’t remind me. as hot as the shogun trying to kill us w her blade was, i don’t appreciate almost getting murdered on screen (even if we most certainly have plot armor)

awwww is thoma worried about me uwu owo? dw i have like… a lumine w 6% crit rate by my side

sigh… i dont want to leave yet… cant i just stay by thoma’s side and not go to war for a change?

it was at this moment that tumblr user lei saw the wonders of being a housewife.

oh sara… my stars… i’m so sorry. i feel so bad for you but at the same time… this oddly makes me want to write a song for you ABJFJKABJABCABVABVKA I KNOW JACK SHIT ABT SONGWRITING WHY AM I THINKING LIKE THIS

well… there she goes…

oh…. oh….. yae is stealing my heart. WHAT DO I DO WHAT DO I DO (i have an alt for a reason heehee)

DEAR LORD. PLEASE STEP ON MY NECK SARA.

these guys got guts to say ‘i’m sorry ma’am’ to THE kujou sara.

oh old man… you’re dead. you’re so dead.

man… this old man is a simp? sheesh.

YES. GO TELL EM PAIMON. PREACH THAT SHIT LOUD AND CLEAR.

oh my god… is that dude dead? i probably should’ve uh apologized b4 he flopped down to the ground ig…

MAN,, SARA’S DOWN FOR THE COUNT?? tbf i didnt expect much but…. also, AYE SIGNORA’S SO ICY.

she’s calling me out for being a simp ;-; heart been broke so many times or smth

OH SHIT LUMINE SPOKE. MAN,, WHY IS SHE SO COOL.

oh… i love this part of the vow… im suddenly inspired to write… how about a wedding au? an angsty wedding au?

goddamn… it’s been nice knowing you all…. i dont think i’ll come out of this alive if signora went out like that…

WHATS HAPPENING? ARE YOU SAYING KAZUHA WENT THROUGH THIS BS? IS LUMINE OKAY-

DID THEY REALLY JUST STORM THE ENTIRE FUCKING CAPITAL?? THEY HAVE SOME NERVE.

FUCK OMG KAZUHA AHHAHFHAFHAHGKJABKASBGA IM TEARING UP WTF WHY AM I GETTING EMOTIONAL- HONEY BUN THATS SO HOT OF YOU TO DO

oh… oh it’s time for round two? haha… time to… say my goodbyes….

yo… there are actual tears in my eyes… like… idk why… but that cutscene? shit man… that hit me…

hm… i feel bad for the shogun… ultimately, there is reason behind every act no matter how horrid. no matter how unreasonable, the reason one thinks of is always justified on their end. whatever everyone else thinks pay little effect on whether the act is fulfilled or not. also, her little laugh? i’m extra deceased.

the animation's fire as always wtf

oh but my kokoro... oof... my kokoro... ugh...

I’M SO FUCKING DONE AJKFHAKJBVAK- WE BEAT A HARBINGER AND FOR WHAT? she should’ve just tossed that gnosis into the ocean or smth...

HAH OMG SCARAMOUCHE. WHAT A MAN. I’M- I WAS RIGHT OMG. I HAD A LIL THEORY AND ITS JUST SMTH I HAD IN THE BACK OF MY MIND. I NEVER THOUGHT IT’LL ACTUALLY COME TRUE DEAR LORD. so now ig i have to admit i think abt him a lot and he has a soft spot in my heart 🥺 he’s evil you see and you know what my type is? evil men or at the very least, men with the potential to be evil. ugh so annoying.

scaramouche banner when

bc i sold everything worthy of money in me (read as my organs) for albedo, i'll sell my soul for him how about that?

EYE- makoto huh… well… fuck…

it’s day 400 of being ayato less even if he’s like… teased a million of times (jk it’s like… a grand total of seven but thats still p high)

im so… sigh…

i wonder if i’m still alive by the time sumeru releases… at the very least, i know my brain wouldn’t be.

....we were literally a captain for like... one second. that is so sad.

[mymindwide]

The end of heartache

Pairing: Ashton x Female reader

Word count: 3943

Warning: angst, feelings, smut

Summary: Your heart is broken, but can it be healed?

Author’s note: I hope you’ll love this, cuz this has a chapter two, just sayin’. :) Take care and enjoy your read.

*****

Everyone was pretty excited about the now traditional ‘good luck on tour’ send-off party; everyone but me. They didn’t know that this time it’s gonna be my send-off party too, tho I won’t come back after two or three months. As a matter of fact, I won’t come back ever. I’ve been planning this for months, and the emotional burden it carries slowly started to eat me up. They’re gonna be confused and disappointed, but I reached a point in my life where I have to make myself a priority, where I have to stop fooling myself.

I fell in love with someone who’s never gonna be mine, and the worst part is that I am happy for him; I root for his happiness – with someone else.

But a few months ago I reached my breaking point. That’s how much my heart could take, and this madness went even longer than anyone should do this to herself. I reached my limit, finally. I’ll probably love him for the rest of my life but I need to give myself a chance. I want to give myself a chance but it won’t work if I see him regularly. I’ll always find an excuse; my heart will always convince me that it’s happy when it “feels” Ashton close. I had to make sure this time my brain will win.

So here I am, leaning over the kitchen sink, trying to take deep, even breaths after the fifth or sixth time I threw up today. I knew I have to talk to the guys, they have the right to know I’m about to leave for good. Not the exact reasons why, but the fact itself for sure. I don’t want to just disappear, but it makes me nervous and anxious to the point of actually throwing up.

They became a massive part of my life a few years ago when Calum met my brother and somehow we too started talking and he invited me to a friends’ gathering and since then I’m stuck with them, and they’re stuck with me - the quiet, pretty, nice girl whose humor compensates for the quietness. Not much time had passed when I realized that I fell for one of them, the handsome drummer guy, Ash, with the same sense of humor as mine, with the brightest smile, with the kindest of hearts. But it was already late for me; before I could make it obvious for him, he introduced his significant other to the crew. I clearly remember that day, standing there smiling at the pretty young girl whom I couldn’t even hate, and who was holding hands with the guy I’d have died to hold hands with too.

Since then I am the girl, who is all smiles and fun and supportive, trying to hide the constant heartbreak I have to live with, especially in their presence.

 >>><<< 

 You wanted to keep it together but you couldn’t. You inhaled and exhaled through your nose and you almost started to calm down when Cal arrived in the kitchen with a huge punch bowl.

Your pulse rose higher and that most likely sat out on your face immediately. Some things will never change; you’ll never be a good actress.

 “Hey, are you okay?” he put the bowl down on the counter and headed your way.

 You looked him in the eye, and seeing that honest concern, it broke you. Silently your tears started falling and you covered your mouth with your hand to keep every tiny noise inside that could betray your whereabouts and your current state of mind to the others. It is just enough for Cal to witness and know.

First he couldn’t decide whether to hug you or just leave you cry yourself out, but eventually went for the first option and embraced you in a strong, protective hug.

You grabbed hold of the back of his sweater, squeezing it to the point your knuckles started to whiten, but at least your nerves calmed down enough to feel safe to let him go and look up from his chest.

 “And now I’m listening” he said to you with a bossy expression on his face.

“I need to tell you something” you leaned back to the counter leaving a few steps distance between you two. “I’m gonna leave for New York.”

“Wha…? When?”

“…Tomorrow morning…”

“And you’re just telling me now?!”

“Shhh shhh, I didn’t think this through, okay?” you tried to hush him from shouting out your well-kept secret.

“Moving to the other side of the States? You clearly didn’t.”

“No, how I’m gonna tell you.”

“A-a-and why New York? Wha-what is this madness?” he stuttered from the slight anger that was clearly flowed from his voice and showed on his face.

“I got a job offer there.”

“You’ve got a job here! Is there only one enterprise in this fucking city?”

“Cal, please don’t be mad at me.”

“Mhm” he hummed realizing that he really got tempered quickly. “I’m sorry to say this, but I sense big ass bullshit here. I just don’t see why you couldn’t have told this earlier if it’s really just about a job. There has to be something else. Something doesn’t feel right here. Is there anything else behind this abrupt moving?”

 Suddenly you couldn’t even speak, tho you don’t know why you were surprised, Calum is a very smart guy. Quiet like you, who only speaks when he has something to say, but always has his eyes open.

 “Has anyone hurt you?”

“Me, Cal, I’ve been hurting myself. For years.”

“Could you be a bit more specific?” he frowned.

 You realized there was nothing to lose anymore. You’ll leave the town tomorrow, and will never look back. With all this power in your hands, you can be honest for once.

 “It’s Ash, Cal. I love him. Basically since the day we’ve met.”

 Now you made him speechless. Or you thought.

 “I could say I’m surprised, but I’m not really.”

“You’re not?”

“Girl, now everything makes sense. I saw how you look at him. I think I’ve always seen it, but since nothing has ever happened, I just stopped paying attention. But it all comes together now. Why we couldn’t set you up on a date…”

“I got tired, Cal. Judge me all you want, but I got tired. I love him and believe me I tried to tell myself all kinds of things not to. And still here I am, still happy for him, still unhappy for myself. That’s why I have to go. This is not healthy anymore.”

“But wouldn’t it be easier to talk to him than to move your whole fucking life thousands of miles away from everyone you have?”

“First of all it’s a little bit late for that now I think. And even if I did, expect what exactly? That he’ll just dump her an instant when they look pretty happy to me…?! Tell me something. Is he in love?”

“I-I don’t know… we usually don’t talk about… these things. I mean… I guess so… I don’t know.”

“Well, that’s my guess too” you whispered as the oh so familiar knife chops round in your heart.

“This is still not right… ”

“Right or not, what’s done is done. Now you see there’s no use to tell him. It’s not Ashton’s fault…”

 “What should I know? What have I done again?” Ash jokes as he enters the kitchen to your biggest horror. “What? They just sent me to check on why we can’t have the punch.”

“Sorry babe, I’ll leave you to it” Cal looked at you with eyes wide open and a nod of his head. His facial expression suggested that the moment of truth has arrived and you weren’t happy about it.

 Both you and Ash watched him leave the kitchen, and looked back at each other at the same time.

 “So… what is going on here?”

“Ash, I am gonna move to New York. First thing tomorrow.”

“What? Why so sudden? And what does it have to do with me? You don’t make sense.”

“I’ll do in a minute.”

 He leaned against the kitchen counter, his arms crossed in front of his chest. You have no idea where you found the strength in you, most likely your little talk with Cal helped to prepare your nerves for this conversation with Ash, but a not expected calmness overcame you. You really don’t have anything to lose now. Besides, the memories remain, and you’ll forever cherish your friendship while it lasted.

 “Can you recall the last time you heard me talking about being excited about a date or actually being on a date night?”

“No?! But these are private stuffs; I don’t poke my nose into things that are none of my business.”

“What’s the point of a date if you already know that you’d just fool the other party? When your heart is refusing your common sense? And all this because I already loved someone. It was you. It is you.” you felt like a whole mountain rolled down from your chest.

“What?”

“Now you know.”

“No-no, it’s not fair…”

“Do you want me to be fair or honest?”

“You’ve never even...”

“…tried to tell you? Because the moment I chose to do this happened to be the moment you chose to introduce your girl to us…”

“I had no idea.”

“And that just means I did a great job. Kudos for me, ‘the protector of relationships’” you rolled your eyes.

“Is this true? Is this because of me, then?”

“No, it’s because of me, Ashton. You’re not responsible for my feelings or for anyone else’s.”

“And yet somehow now I feel like it.”

“Well, I tell you, you shouldn’t. Better?” you forced a wry smile on yourself. “Please don’t have sleepless nights because of me.”

“Then why do you sound angry now?”

“Maybe because I never wanted you to know this. Because the whole thing was pointless from the very beginning. Because this conversation is exactly what I didn’t want to have” your voice already cracked. It always does this under a certain type of stress, for instance a confrontation. You’ve been very bad at these your whole life. “And I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself, the universe, god, you name it. But that’s just life I guess. It’s not a sugarcoated shiny bubble for everyone.”

“…I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. Remember, I never expected anything from you, I didn’t even want you to know this in the first place, but it doesn’t matter now.”

“I’m… I’m sorry. I mean it.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, too” you tried to smile once again.

 “Guys, are you not thirsty, why do you sit on our drinks?” a very loud and jumpy Luke came round the kitchen bringing you the absolution regarding this conversation, not that you weren’t finished. You think you said all you two could, leastways speak for you, for sure.

 As Luke entered, you headed for leaving the kitchen but before you’d have turned out of the door you touched Ash’s forearm.

 “But I’ll keep being happy for you no matter what.”

 He didn’t even respond, not that you were expecting anything. It was enough for you that he could see you were serious about what you just said. Your mouth can lie, your eyes can’t, and for seconds that seemed eternity at those moments, your eyes held onto each other’s.

 When the crew all sat down to eat, without raining on your dear boys’ parade you broke the news to everyone – obviously leaving out certain details – receiving the same shocked responses you got from Cal and Ash earlier, but altogether everyone was excited and cheering for you and made you promise that from time to time you’ll check in and report about your life in New York. Certainly they were confused regarding the suddenness, but got over it pretty quickly. Except for Cal and Ashton, but they knew the whole truth. It was interesting to witness that now it was Ash’s turn to smile and act like nothing has happened, and he was doing a great job.

At the end of the day they decided to continue the party with a little after show at some bar, which you obviously had no humor to go to, so with the excuse of your early morning trip you said goodbye to this 15 people crew and headed home for the last time.  

 >>><<< 

 You were already in your sleeping t-shirt and shorts when you decided to make the last round in the apartment you rented to make sure everything is packed and to eliminate the chance that something important might be left behind.  You headed for upstairs and were standing halfway on the stairway when the doorbell rang and broke the silence of the dark and still house.

You ran back down to peek out of the peephole to see Ashton standing outside waiting for you to answer the door.

 “Hey” nervousness was reflected in your eyes as you couldn’t imagine what he’s doing here one hour before midnight.

“Can I…?”

“Is everything okay?” you pulled aside from the door so he could come in.

“After our little chat I don’t think so.”

“Ash, I told you to forget it.”

“Cause that’s how it works, right?” he combed his hair back, he looked nervous, his body tensed.

“This is exactly why I wanted to keep it to myself, for fucks sake” you shook your head. “What are you doing here, Ash?” you sighed wearily.

“What I should have a long time ago.”

 For a moment you just stood there staring into each other’s eyes and… there was nothing to explain. That brief feeling you get when you both want something… well, now you both got that feeling. It is that moment, when you don’t want to ask questions, because it’s not necessary. He closed the distance between the two of you, and cupping your face he pressed his mouth against yours, and embracing this madness you happily welcomed his lips. After the first few exploratory touches you almost immediately started searching for each other’s tongue, and now you know how heaven tastes like. It’s soft and silky and tender – it’s heavenly. Letting go of your face his hands slid down your body to lift you up into his lap, your legs hugging his waist, his hands supporting your butt, while your hands caressing his hair at the back of his head.

You don’t know what is happening, but at this point you don’t even care about his motivations. You know you shouldn’t do this but you just stopped caring. You literally ran out of all the fucks to give. It’s the last time you’ll ever see anyone of them, you’ll leave and will never come back. You don’t cheat on anyone but yourself, but you can live with the thought. And as to Ashton… it’s his conscience, he has to deal with it, not you.

But tonight, for the first time, everything’s gonna be simple: he’s gonna love you and you’re gonna give him all that you are, whatever you can.

You wish you had more time, you wish you could get more of him but if this is all you can get, you’ll take it.

 Once you arrived in your bedroom, everything got more hurried and heated.

Both your t-shirts have landed on the floor, and with your back to the bed, you slid up on it, your eyes never leaving Ash's. Reaching in his pocket he pulled out a wrapped condom that he threw on the bed. Then unzipping and taking his jeans and boxer briefs off, he crawled up on the bed and leaned over you. Seeing him already half erected made you swallow hard and ache for feeling him with every existing sense you have.

Your eyes hardly could cope with the beauty his body meant for you. You wanted to touch him, to smell him, to taste him.

He kissed you on your lips, continued lower to suck on the fine and soft skin of your neck making his way down to caress your breasts, licking and stroking your nipples taking them in turns till they got hard under his touch, making you let out the first whimpers of the night. He went lower biting the skin on your stomach, his hands still perfectly covering your breasts.

He stopped at the waist of your shorts to look up at you and without asking anything with a swift move he pulled it off of you.

You loved that you two talked without saying a word, only with your eyes, simply because your desire for each other was loud enough.

Prying open your legs he dived in between them, his hands kept your hips in place and your fingers combed into his hair as he started pleasuring you with his tongue, licking and sucking your clit, your folds, and your entrance; not much time had to pass when you felt yourself getting dripping wet from was he was doing.

Your rapture took control over everything; your mind was clouded, your body quivered under his touch as your orgasm jolted in you making your hips rise from the surface of the bed.

 “Oh God, Ash, please…” you moaned over and over feeling the tiny aftershocks.

 You looked down at him and saw his eyes smiling as your lower half still covered his mouth but you could tell there’s a smile on his face seeing your reaction to him eating you out.

With one last soft kiss on your swollen clit he rose up, now kneeling before you, reaching for the condom next to him.

 “Let me touch you before you put it on. Please.”

 You sat up to his kneeling form still with your legs wide open, your eyes almost pleading. You saw his Adam’s apple lifting in his throat. He lowered his hand still holding the wrapped package and that was your answer you were waiting for.

You took him in your right hand; gently started running your fingers up and down on his hard shaft, your lips kissed and licked his stomach, while your left hand first just rested on his lower back, then the tip of your nails traced a path down to softly dig into his butt cheek. As a reward you got the softest moans that were the most pleasuring sound your ears could ask for. You admired his strong build, his beautiful toned body, his perfect length in your hands.

At some point he reached down to stop your hand from working on him any further and only with his eyes he instructed you to lie back on the bed. After applying the condom on his cock, balancing his weight on his forearm next to your head with one hand he guided himself to your entrance and pushed himself in inch by inch so you can get used to the feeling of him stretching you this way.

You held onto his shoulders; your whimpers quenched by his neck as your lips press against it. And he started rocking his hips, slowly moving in and out, getting deeper with every thrust.

 Even if my mind can process what is going on right now, my heart just can’t. Suddenly my mind had been filled with pictures from my past few years, pictures of a heartbroken girl in situations that hurt her yet no one knew her pain. Pictures of a girl when she felt genuinely happy if she felt Ashton’s attention on her and thereby him close; when they laughed together; the feeling how she felt when he hugged her and yet she knew that meant nothing compared to the hug his real girl gets… And finally pictures from the last 30 minutes, when the person she loved is here with her, he’s all hers, even if for only a very short time.

 You felt your chest crushing up and tears started streaming down on both sides of your face.

 “Am I hurting you?” he halts for a moment, his eyes filled with concern are searching yours.

“Not physically” you think to yourself. “No…” you smiled at him stroking his face while another teardrop left the corner of your eye. “You feel so good. Please don’t stop.”

“You feel good too” he wiped away your tears, and started moving again, a little quicker and harder than before, and he just felt even more amazing.

 You really liked the way you were now, you both knew that this is just what it is, and you didn’t need him whispering meaningless lies to you and thankfully he didn’t feel the urge to do so. And as for you, he already knows everything he has to know.

He knelt up and with this his thighs made you spread your legs even wider and he slid his hand on your inner thighs to keep it that way as he started fucking you again now being able to fully bury his full length inside you. Your heart was panting and both yours and Ash’s whimpers and groans filled the room as he pushed you closer and closer to your climax for the second time this night.

You cried out as it washed over you, your thighs were shaking under his hands, and he stayed still for the moments to enjoy the sight of your trembling body and how your walls rhythmically squeezing his cock inside you. That sensation gave him the final push, after a few more thrusts you felt him stiffen inside you, and with a loud groan he collapsed on top of you burying his face in your neck. You hugged his back and caressed his neck where his condor tattoo is located and his hair right above it.

After a few calm moments while you could digest everything that has happened on your own, he got up to get rid of the condom and lied down next to you.

 “I’m really sorry. I mean it.” this is the only thing he said and you understood everything. There was no need for words.

“I know, Ash.” you stroked his face while he closed his eyes giving in to the feeling of your warm palm on his cheek.

 You pulled the blanket on you, and watched him falling asleep.

 >>><<< 

 It was 5am, you have to leave in a bit, your uber is gonna be here in thirty minutes. You’re sitting on the edge of your bed, trying to take in and memorize all you can from the guy sleeping on the other side.

You’re not looking for reasons, you’re just glad it happened one way or another. It feels like this is more than you could ever ask for anyway.

But looking at him while he sleeps so peacefully… it’s ridiculous how easily you could get used to this scene. Him in your bed, or you in his… passed out after a night like this…

God, how bad you’d like to touch him, how bad you’d like to kiss him awake every morning, how bad you’d like to put your hand over his heart just to feel its even beating… But most importantly how bad you wish you had the strength to say goodbye.

 >>><<< 

 You closed the door with the heaviest heart you have ever felt in your chest. A broken heart, whose most significant part is still lying in your bed…

 You were mine for a night; I was out of my mind. You were mine for a night…

[szopenhauer]

are you hetero-/homo-/bi-sexual?: I’m an asexual lesbian have you gotten your first kiss?: of course

what form of birth control do/would you use?: homosexuality lmfao would/did you have sex before marriage?: I did  is there a difference between a crush and being in love?: there is

do you believe in love at first sight?: no, that’s lust or crush can long-distance relationships work?: yep have you ever had a long-distance relationship?: most of them were long-distance what of online relationships?: same have you ever been divorced?: I wasn’t married so... have you fallen in love in the past and regretted it?: yup how old were you when you had sex for the first time?: 28 have you ever been molested or raped?: kinda have you ever been jealous of a friend for their boy/girlfriend?: I was a tiny bit jealous of them being liked by someone but I knew their so called relationship won’t last so... but when it comes to being into my friend’s gf? nah have you ever been jealous of your boy/girlfriend’s “close” friend(s)?: sorta have you ever been jealous of your boy/girlfriend’s ex?: could say so have you ever gotten back together with an ex?: yeah

do you enjoy french-kissing?: dunno do you keep a picture of your significant other somewhere?: on pendrive, fb and her ID pic in my room on my shelf have/would you ever use whipped cream in a sexual act?: I don’t like whipped cream... or sex  do cherries or strawberries have any sexual meaning for you?: not really have you ever dumped someone?: I have have you ever been dumped?: wouldn’t say so are you (honestly) afraid of commitment?: it’s complicated do you have stuff from a previous relationship?: I only had few things (from S) and I trashed them or gave them away, I also no longer own a sheep I wanted to give for Karo but I kept a cheap ring I bought for her and the mug for May is my dad’s now, I won’t count bunch of trinkets I got in a letter from Wiktoria because we never been together - I was just crushing on her and she didn’t like me back, does the camp marriage certificate counts tho? hahaha 

When days go by, do you cross them off on the calendar? nope Are you currently counting down to something? If so, what? I am, hospital mostly Ever got injured at work? What happened? -

What color is your roof? silver, wish it was red

Last time you sharpened a pencil? I sharpened colorful pencils few months ago if that counts List all the people in your phone under T: dad  Do you pay rent to your parents? I would contribute if I had a job (or move out) How many icons are on your desktop? I cleaned my desktop recently :3 What’s your definition of a slut? I don’t use this word but - someone who has sex with many ppl that they don’t even know and spread STDs as they don’t use protection then have multiple abortions calling their pregnancy accidents

If you use the word “slut”, do you apply it to men who do the same thing as what you listed above? most of men are like that but would probably use a different word for their behavior as it’s more feminine - still it’s equally bad to act this way no matter of the gender Do you dye eggs for Easter? used to but I think it’s worthless What color hair did the last person you kissed have? last time we kissed she had very dark brown hair, she was changing colors so often in those past days... Do you like your eye color? I don’t care much about it Pens or pencils? pens Last skirt you wore and why? my gf asked me to wear her plaid skirt for a moment  What was the last magazine article you read about? not sure which was last How old is your brother’s best friend? ... If you’re old enough, do you have a credit card? If you’re not old enough, do you want one when you’re older? I don’t, I prefer cash What’s the minimum age you think someone should have a cell phone at? if kid doesn’t have to ride alone to school then older than 12 I believe? Would you ever work night crew? why not? How old is the last person you texted? 28

Does it make you nervous when someone does something dangerous showing off? very, I hate that

Have you ever had to take a pee test? shitload of times

Have you ever had to supply someone with clean pee? don’t do that

Are you in charge of cleaning anything in your household? not always

Ever carved/written anything on a park bench? also don’t do that

Have you ever had anything tailored? my mom sew 

Do you keep your eyebrows more thick or thin? natural

What color is your bedroom door? mostly white with glass in the middle

Have you ever been hunting? no way

Your take on one-night stands? Are they okay? I’m not into them 

Do you always wear a bra? basically never 

Do you have a wrist watch? nope

Do you usually jog or go for walks? walk

Do you own a pair of Dr. Martens? had two but my my red ones ripped :(

Do you like wine? disgusting

Do you scrapbook? not really

Would you feel bad about breaking up with someone on their birthday? absolutely

Have you ever sung anyone the happy birthday song? who haven’t?  How many followers do you have on Twitter? I no longer use twitter 

Do you like Hello Kitty? it’s evil

Have you ever won on one of those grabber machine things? tried but failed 

Is there an actual word for those? claw machine, ufo catcher

Have you ever been horseback-riding? I want to someday

Have you ever seen your naked back? in a mirror

Would you agree that wedding cake is so much better than any other cake? it’s not that good

Do you feel awkward with strangers in elevators? I’m glad I’m not the only one like this

Would you rather cheat and tell your other about it or be cheated on? be cheated on because I won’t cheat, that would be my decision - a mistake - that I would never forgive myself no matter of the reasons I’d have for doing that to someone I’m dating

Do you own a pair of shorts that could be mistaken for underwear? I don’t own any shorts at all

Do you have a beauty mark? like Marilyn Monroe and not only this one

Have you ever been in a shrubbery maze? as a kid

Do you think you’re the best thing that’s happened to someone? r u kidding? I might be the worst...

Is the best thing that’s ever happened to you a person? one of best

How many songs do you think you know all of the lyrics do? zero 

What’s the most emotionally painful thing you’ve ever been through? there would be a long list, too many to name

ever been kissed under fireworks? that didn’t happen

can you live a day without TV? 100% are you a bad influence? who knows night out or night in? in who was the last person you visited in the hospital? besides being there myself - my father do you hate anyone? majority of society

wanna have grandkids before you’re 50? I don’t plan to have kids so also won’t have grandkids

do you hang out with your siblings friends? they don’t like me

have you seen the movie “avatar” yet? if so, did you like it? if not do you think you will? I won’t, I heard people get suicidal because of it 

if you didn’t have to, would you ever grow up? not until my parents’ death 

do you often receive calls from random people at random times? luckily not

do you know the exact temperature right now? I know it’s hot and I suppose it’s like 30 Celsius or smth 

*it’s almost 30

what’s the worst place you ever dropped your phone? I don’t recall dropping my phone 

have you ever fainted from the heat or dehydration? never fainted at all

what is a food that you’d hate to be allergic to?: I hate allergies in general >.<

what color was the last towel you used?: pink, I don’t like it

would you prefer to date someone taller, shorter, or the same height as you? always been into shorter people and now I’m dating taller girl 

when was the last time your nose bled? not even when it was broken?

how old are you turning this year?: turned 28

who would you allow to read your thoughts for one day? thx but no

name your last reason for using a camera? fun

seven days from now, will you be in a relationship? mhm

have you ever kissed anyone with a name that starts with j or m? M

do you think you’ll be married in 10 years? if ever

could you go out in public looking like you do now? I might

is it easy for others to make you feel intimidated? hmm...

have you ever kissed someone whose name starts with an r? I have not

are you easily confused? maybe so

do you think you would make a good wife/husband? me? pfft

do you like summer? I consider it my fav season for now

where were you at 8am this morning? sleeping again, I woke up at 5 am choking and got really scared but then I went back to bed and didn’t get up until like 10 am 

what color nail polish is on your toes? my toes ain’t painted, only time I was painting them was in middle school when I was attending self defence classes and thought that my feet are fugly so adding some red color will make them look better somehow - idiotic

what are your biggest turn offs? personal

is there a baby in the room with you right now? not now but my niece is visiting so she can be here any moment now 

what is the way to your heart? with a knife - jk

what do you smell like? sweat and shampoo?

what’s in your pocket? no pockets!

anything in your mouth? saliva, teeth, tongue - the usual

ever jumped/fallen/been pushed in a pool with your clothes on? bless that NO

are you wearing any clothes that you wore yesterday? ... yes

what can you hear right now? voices outside

are you close to your siblings? *rolling my eyes*

do you bite your nails? I cut them

do you like your feet? yuk, they’re not the worst but feet are just creepy 

do you sleep well at night? not enough?

[threeletterslife]

Whipped with a Cherry on Top

→ summary:  Kim Taehyung has been your friend for more than four years, having a very, very special place in your heart. Granted, he’s an annoying asscrack sometimes, but who isn’t? You love him to death — that is, if he doesn’t end up killing you first with his pesky tactics.

→ pairing/rating: taehyung x reader | PG-13

→ genre: it was supposed to be pure fluff but then my finger might’ve slipped idk now it’s crack too | f2l!au

→ warnings: just a shit ton of swearing as usual (:

→ wordcount: 6.5k 

→ a/n: i literally power wrote this shit bc the empty masterlist bothered the crap outta me sdjflsdj i hope you’ll enjoy! <3

♫: Promise by Jimin | Something Just Like This by The Chainsmokers & Coldplay | Euphoria by BTS

[ROYAL ASSCRACK]: oHmYgOd bitcb

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: bitxh

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: birch

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: bitch

 [YOU]: bitcb

 [YOU]: bitxh

 [YOU]: birch

 [YOU]: bitch (:

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: fuck off botch

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: GODDAMIT

 [YOU]: yOU FAILURE

 [YOU]: what’s up tho it’s like 3 am go to sleep

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: can’t. forgot the reading assignment… 143 pages of that shitty econ txtbook let’s get ittt

 [YOU]: dude. we have the gov final tomorrow

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: ikik… Y/N, baby can you send me the notes?

 [YOU]: istfg it’s not my fault you never come to class sO WHY ARE YOU TORTURING ME FOR YOUR WRONG DEEDS

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: ohmygod Y/N it’s not the time to be dramatic. my GRADES are at stake here

 [YOU]: bitcb

 [YOU]: bitxh

 [YOU]: birch

 [YOU]: bitch** fine. i am the bestest friend ever but fine. i’ll even send you my econ notes so you don’t have to read the txtbk. am i not the bestest friend ever

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: THANK YOU I OWE YOU BIG TIME I LOVE YOU

 [YOU]: uh huh mhm

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: ):

 [YOU]: fine.

 [YOU]: i love you too.  nOW GO DO YOUR SHIT I NEED SUM SLEEP

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: WELL THEN SWEET DREAMS BOTCH

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: fuck

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: you know what. i’m not even gonna try

 You giggle slightly, immediately sending that irresponsible dimwit of a best friend, Kim Taehyung, your econ and gov notes. Sometimes, you think that boy could’ve possibly died in college if it weren’t for you. But then again, you’d probably be dead in your grave if it weren’t for him. He’s saved you one too many times from disaster dates that could’ve left you traumatized for life.

 Kim Taehyung has been your friend for more than four years, having a very, very special place in your heart. Granted, he’s an annoying asscrack sometimes, but who isn’t? You love him to death — that is, if he doesn’t end up killing you first with his pesky tactics.

He’s killing you alright. He really is.

 “Oh, c’mon! It’s just one party,” Taehyung whines as he hands you your regular — a whipped chocolate ice cream cone. Today was Whipped Wednesday, a day where you come to visit your bestie at work and even get an ice cream cone for free because quoting Taehyung, “We’re only in trouble if someone finds out.” (Actually, you have no idea how the manager hasn’t found out about this yet, counting the fact that it’s been going on for years.) Whipped Wednesday has been a thing for both you and Taehyung for as long as you can remember — that is since he started working at the ice cream parlor at the beginning of freshmen year.

 “Aw, Y/N! I owe you one, remember? From all that note-sharing? I’m just returning the favor and taking you out for fun!” Taehyung says.

 You roll your eyes, taking a lick at the ice-cold dessert. “Are you crazy? It’s finals week, Tae.”

 Taehyung laughs, rushing over to the ice cream machine to make some perfectly whipped ice cream for a line of giggling customers. Something tells you the giggling girls are here to feast their eyes on your best friend, not his impeccably made ice cream cones. Your best friend comes back to you, slightly out of breath from being worked for the past hour.

 “That’s exactly my point, Y/N,” he huffs. “One party to fling away all that unwanted stress!” He rushes over to tend to some girl batting her fake-ass lashes at him.

 “But my point is, really? During finals?” you call after him. You take a large bite out of your chocolate ice cream, deep in thought.

 “Why not?” Taehyung calls over his shoulder. “It’s not like you can save your shitty grades with one exam!”

 You scoff loudly, putting a hand to your chest. “Excuse you, I have all A’s!” you shout, redeeming yourself to the people who might’ve heard you have ‘shitty grades.’ “Only two are borderline,” you mutter.

 “All the more reason for you to come and party!” Taehyung sings as he whips up two vanilla ice cream cones, handing them to young siblings, smiling at them warmly. He looks up at you, giving you the same, cordial smile.

 God. If it weren’t for that amazing smile of his, you’d refuse every one of his foolish ideas. But because of his irresistible smile, you’re stuck doing stupid shit with him. I guess that makes us best friends, doing dumb crap together. I blame it all on the smile.

 “You know what? Fine. Fine!” you say angrily, biting aggressively at your ice cream cone. “But I am not getting wasted!” You lean over the counter, glaring playfully at your friend.

 “Yes!” Taehyung cries, rushing over to squeeze you in a happy hug over the counter. “But it’s your loss if you’re not getting dumb drunk,” he chuckles, winking at you.

 You huff. “One of us has to get the other home — you and I both know it’s always me!”

 “You know it!” Taehyung laughs. You can’t help but laugh along with him.

It’s times like this when you wonder what would’ve happened if you’d said ‘yes.’

 Taehyung is getting ready for the party, ignoring your yapping of, ‘wear it and leave it!’ He faces his glowing mirror, his handsome, chiseled face slightly illuminated by the soft, yellow light. It’s the way how the gleam of white in his eyes shine. How his lips are perfectly pursed on his face from concentration. How his delicate nose sits on a perfect angle…

 It’s how he laughs at your dumb jokes, how he takes care of you in the simplest but heartwarming ways, how he loves how outspoken you are, how he hates to be away from you…

 You like to wonder what it would be like to date him. You like to wonder what would’ve happened if you had accepted his offer to be his girlfriend. Sometimes — no, often times (especially these days) — you wonder if he still likes you.

 When Taehyung had asked you out back in high school, you had barely known him. You were the loud girl, captain of the speech and debate team. While Taehyung… he had been some kid hiding behind others in the marching band.

 Too nice to reject him, when he asked you to your junior prom, you’d made some excuse about how you weren’t going — even though you had bought your dress and everything. You actually ended up not going, in fear of seeing Taehyung at the school party. But that had been the very starting point of your relationship with him.

 You had to give it to Kim Taehyung. He was quite the persistent guy. By the end of the year, he’d joined the speech and debate club, pushing his way to the top finalists of the school — right next to you. It was hard not to befriend him if you had to see him countless hours after school to practice for competitions.

 Easily, Taehyung found his way into your life. And much easier, he became the largest part of your life. By the time you graduated high school, you and Taehyung were inseparable: the best friends of the century. Taehyung was not the shy, nameless kid in band anymore, he was outgoing, spunky and risk-taking — even more so than you.

 Both of you never, ever reflect back on that possible romance that could’ve bloomed between the two of you. It’s just too awkward, you suppose. Besides, you’d missed your chance. No matter how much you liked Taehyung now, you couldn’t really say anything without bulldozing over your solid friendship. You’d rather have Taehyung as a friend than lose him forever when he rejects you.

 “Are you actually gonna wear that to the party?” Taehyung laughs, making you jump out of your thoughts.

 “Yes,” you say boldly, gesturing towards the ugliest pair of sweatpants you have, then tugging on the collar of your fluffy turtleneck sweater. “It’s called my male species repellent outfit.”

 “You’re fucking impossible,” Taehyung chuckles, shaking his head. “I’m almost embarrassed to be seen out with you.”

 “But you love me,” you croon, rolling yourself across Taehyung’s bed as you plop yourself on his carpeted floor. “Can we finally go now? If I have to wait a minute more, I’m not gonna fucking go.”

 Taehyung rolls his eyes. “Hold up, you idiot. Unlike some people, I want to look decent for a nice party.”

 “Don’t look too decent or the girls are gonna steal you away from me,” you pout. Taehyung turns around, flashing you a smile that makes the blood rush to your face.

 “I’d never let them steal me away from you, baby,” he coos.

 Your heart threatens to bust out of your chest, but you calm it down with a deep breath. It’s too bad you know the pet names Taehyung often calls you are all part of an ongoing joke.

 “Whatever, asscrack, let’s go.”

The party has the most atrocious music you’d ever heard in your life. Every single song boasts the same beat, making it seem like the same goddamn tune was on a broken record, repeating over and over and over again. Your head hurts like hell. You’re starting to actually think studying for finals would’ve been better than this.

 At least the parties you usually attend have good songs. This one is the epitome of trash.

 “Taehyung!” you yell at your friend who’s choking down another shot of vodka. “You idiot!”

 Your friend turns to you, a lazy smile spreading across his lips. “Hey, baby,” he mumbles, gesturing you over. You roll your eyes but obey, walking straight to his side.

 “Steady on the shots, Tae. Unless you want to wake up dead in the morning,” you sigh. “Who’s gonna shoo away the fuckboys for me, then?”

 Taehyung chuckles lowly, looking at you from under his long, eyelashes. “I shall rise up as a guardian knight to protect m’lady,” he declares dutifully in a weird, ancient accent.

 “Oh no, no role-playing,” you seethe through your teeth. “Last time was bad enough! Kim Taehyung, you hear me?” you yell at your friend, taking his cheeks in your hands as you shake his head in an attempt to cure him of his drunkenness. It does shit though.

 “M’lady! I must beseech you not to… caress me as such. You make me test my heart, dear lady,” Taehyung wails drunkenly.

 “Shut up,” you snap. “Let’s get you out of this dump.”

 “Please, dear Y/N, will you promise me to be by my side ‘til the autumn leaves turn their pleasant shade of amethystine? Will you swear to never leave me even if the sun collides with our heavenly planet?” Taehyung says dramatically, clutching onto your sweater in the process.

 You roll your eyes. “Yeah, I’m staying, Taehyung.”

 “Thank you, m’lady. You are too kind to me,” Taehyung mumbles, attaching himself onto you as you struggle to maneuver both you and your best friend safely out of the bustling party house.

 Once outside, you’re finally able to take a deep breath, the cold night air filling your lungs. It would’ve been peaceful if it weren’t for the nasty music that you can still hear and your best friend tugging at your hand as he kneels down on one knee in front of you.

 “Yes?” you ask, annoyed as you look down at your friend. He’s so pathetically drunk that you have to fight off the huge urge to video record the whole thing.

 “M’lady, I must confess to you what my heart has been telling me since the start of time itself,” Taehyung says sincerely, his eyes never leaving yours.

 You scoff. “Taehyung, get up from the grass. These people might water it with their own piss, judging by their music choices.”

 Your best friend pretends not to hear you. Either that or he’s so drunk he can’t hear anything but the voices inside his head. You’re joking. Kinda.

 “Y/N! Oh, Y/N!” he howls. You’re so glad the shitty music is so loud no one else can really hear this wailing except for you. “Dear, Y/N!” Taehyung vocalizes. “I’ve admired you from afar for too long. I have ventured upon treacherous lands to earn your love. But all I get is the reward of acquaintances! I must ask for more my dear!”

 You laugh, even letting a snort loose. “Oh, Taehyung.” It’s particularly enjoyable to watch someone you like to be so drunk — especially since he’s literally trying to drunk-confess to you in some medieval language.

 “I love you, oh dear Y/N!” Taehyung declares, softly squeezing your hand as he stares at you through his hooded eyes.

 You giggle, patting his soft head of hair. “You should’ve taken acting classes instead of following my ass into speech and debate,” you mutter, smiling fondly at your friend.

 “Please, Y/N,” Taehyung pleads, “will you marry me?” He pulls out a slightly crushed onion ring from his pocket and holds it out for you to admire.

 You nearly choke on air as Taehyung presents you your edible wedding ring. “Tae…” you breathe, a bright smile making its way onto your lips. Honestly, when’s the next time my crush will propose to me? Oh, fuck it. I’ll play along. “Why, yes, my handsome knight. I will marry you!” you giggle, sliding the slightly greasy onion ring onto your ring finger.

 “Oh dear! My love, my sunshine! You’ve accepted!” Taehyung wails, taking your hand and peppering it with at least a thousand little kisses.

 “Surely I will accept the marriage proposal of such a wonderful knight like you,” you laugh, tugging your friend back up to his feet. “Shall we get you home?”

 Taehyung doesn’t answer you, his eyes looking somewhere that were definitely not your eyes.

 “Taehyung! Let’s go,” you repeat yourself, starting to drag your friend to his car. But he stays rooted on the ground. You sigh. “We’ve role-played enough for one night, don’t you think?”

 “Oh, but I agree. It’s about time we stop,” Taehyung says softly. You follow his gaze to see he was staring intently at your lips. Subconsciously, you lick them, your eyes flickering down to gaze at his lips as well. He tugs you close to him — so much so that you can feel his hot breath on your skin.

 It’s enough to give you goosebumps. God, you don’t know if you should stop him or just let him continue… But it seems as if Taehyung doesn’t want you to overthink (as you usually do), quickly leaning forward and pressing his warm lips on yours.

 You gasp into the kiss, finding your balance by gripping on the front of your friend’s shirt. All thoughts fly out the window as you melt into Taehyung’s embrace, breathing in the slightly alcoholic scent and chasing his lips with yours.

 Taehyung is in no hurry as he lingeringly moves his mouth across yours, hands moving up to cup your cheeks in a loving manner. He breathes his hot breath against you, leaving you feeling a bit faint as you slowly wrap your arms around his neck to secure the both of you.

 In your opinion, it ends too soon. Both of you pull away at the same time, gazing in each other’s eyes. You’re still catching your breath. You want to take a minute, close your eyes and forever engrave this moment in your head.

 But Taehyung speaks. “M’lady, that was a wondrous kiss, was it not?” he speaks slowly, your noses touching in the middle.

 That’s when your perfect world shatters. It’s no time for victories. Your crush confessed to you, proposed to you and kissed you drunk. It wasn’t real. You feel a goddamn migraine creeping in and you grasp your head. You swear to god, you usually always have something to say. Goddamn Taehyung. He’s the only one that can get your tongue so twisted.

 Immediately, you jerk your head away from your friend, looking down at the grass. “Let’s go,” you say, tugging at his wrist.

 “Lady, why in a hurry? Let us dwindle just a bit more,” Taehyung giggles. But you’re persistent, tugging him all the way to his car. You sit at the driver’s seat because god forbid you’re gonna let Taehyung drive dumb-drunk.

 “Y/N?” Taehyung whimpers in the shotgun seat, watching you drive with your eyes looking straight ahead. “Are you mad at me?”

 You sigh, your head throbbing from your headache. “No. No, I’m not.” I should be mad at myself for falling for all that.

 “Oh okay,” he responds in a small whisper. “I’m sorry.”

 Why is he sorry? Your stomach does a few somersaults.

 “Are we voyaging to slay the dragons?” Taehyung whispers, biting at his nails nervously. “I have forgotten my armor and my sword…”

 You don’t feel like replying back with something snarky. “No, we’re taking you home, Tae.”

 “Oh, lord. Thank thee.”

Taehyung’s probably not as thankful for you as you haul him into his bed, grunting from his weight. It’s really not that your best friend is heavy, it’s more like your body isn’t built to haul heavy mass.

 “Y/N?” Taehyung asks as he scrambles up from his bed.

 “Go to bed, Tae,” you say, shaking your head, cheeks continuously flushed.

 “Can you stay?” your best friend whines, staring at you with his large, puppy dog eyes. “I don’t wanna be lonely.”

 You want to so, so bad. But you don’t want to wake up in the morning, laying on the same bed as Taehyung and regret even more things in your life. “No, I can’t stay,” you say, smiling meekly. “Finals stuff. I’m sorry Tae, I’ve got to go.”

 You don’t give him time to answer as you practically bolt out of his room, cold hand massaging your burning forehead. If this was anything like Taehyung’s other drunk encounters, he should forget everything in the morning. You just wish you were drunk so you could forget too.

You wake up the next day, drowning out the distracting memories from the night before as you groggily force yourself to sit down on your desk to get some last minute cramming done before your finals. It’s almost noon by the time you’re done, and you get ready for your very last exam, grabbing a pair of sweats and a crinkled hoodie for your outfit of the day. Taking a granola bar in your mouth as you tie your greasy hair up into a messy bun, you leave your dorm in a rush.

 The final goes well, as expected. You were in a good mood, actually, having finished all the exams. You could’ve lasted the whole day without feeling any sort of dread until the memories flood back to you.

 Oh fuck, I kissed my best friend.

 You’d plum forgotten from all that econ cramming. Shaking your head and taking pity on yourself, you sigh, checking your phone the first time that day. 31 messages from yours truly, Kim Taehyung.

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: gud mornin

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: rise n’ shine

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: you up

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: thx for getting me home last night lmfao

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: did i do stupid shit

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: jk dumb question

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: ofc i did (:

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: ok i found a goddamn onion ring in my bed

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: did you put it there

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: istg you love those greasy little shits

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: they remind me of your hair during finals week haha

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: jk please don’t kill me i love you

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: you nerd why aren’t you answering

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: i bet you’re studying for that econ final

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: bitch i’m winging that shit

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: make sure to eat something more than a granola bar

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: ik it’s not whipped wed but come see me at my shift at the ice  cream parlor after the final!!!!

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: !!!!

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]:!!!!!!!!!!!!

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: lmfao you’re gonna kill me for spamming you and i value my  life so i’ll stop here

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: but srsly meet me at the ice cream parlor

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: you need to tell me all the stupid shit i did yesterday ahahfsdjsfljf

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: also i’ll whip up your fav when you get there

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: COMPLIMENTARY because i love you

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: you’re not gonna see this until after the goddamn final but

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: GOOD LUCK BITCH

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: if anyone deserves 120% (haha the curve) it’s YOU

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: KICK ASS BBY

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: ps

 [ROYAL ASSCRACK]: istfg if you recorded my drunk ass i’m going to SHANK you

 You’re glad he doesn’t remember shit. You’re also glad that you didn’t record him last night. An angry Taehyung is not something one can survive so easily. You’re joking. Kinda.

 Your heart flutters slightly at his texts, how he worries for you. You really don’t know how you can see his face again without possibly fainting from blushing so hard. It’s as if the kiss fueled your feelings for him and now they were more uncontrollable than ever.

 You’re not sure if you should tell Taehyung exactly what he did last night or just tell a little white lie for the sake of your friendship. But then again, you kinda suck at lying. You’re just stressed that you have no idea how he’ll react if he finds out about your feelings for him. Will he distance himself from you? Will your friendship stay but never be the same? What if… he still likes you?

 Shaking your head, you laugh to yourself. Fat chance. We’ve friendzoned each other ever since high school.

 You head over to the ice cream parlor, feet thudding heavily on the sidewalk. As soon you open the door to the shop, Taehyung greets you with a loud, “Y/N!” which turns a few customers’ heads.

 “Hey!” you smile, waving back at him. You slightly duck your head so you won’t have to see his handsome face in fear you’ll get all flustered over again. “What’s up?”

 Taehyung hands you your favorite whipped chocolate ice cream and this time with a cherry placed neatly on top. “Just work,” he laughs. “Like the little addition to your usual? I wanted to try something new for you!”

 You smile, looking at the impeccably whipped ice cream, admiring every little swirl and the shiny, red cherry sitting on the very top of it. “Mhm, of course. Thanks, Tae.”

 Your friend gives you a bright smile, sending your heart into overdrive. God, I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up without blowing my head.

 “So… What kind of crazy shit did I do this time?” he grins, rushing over to tend to a few customers waiting for him.

 “The usual,” you say, as nonchalantly as possible. “Role-playing.” You take the round cherry, popping it into your mouth.

 Taehyung bursts out laughing as he whips up more ice cream cones like the professional that he is. “What did I role-play this time?”

 “A fucking knight. You were using this weird accent and your vocabulary expanded by a tenfold,” you chuckle, licking at your ice cream. “Apparently I was the princess you were so in love with.”

 “Oh?” Taehyung asks as he settles over the counter, leaning against it just like you. “Enlighten me with more,” he says, a full grin pasted on his face.

 Your cheeks heat up at the memories. “Um… Something about fighting a dragon without your armor… A love confession in some Shakespearean language… I think, at one point, a marriage proposal?” you say as casually as you can.

 “Woah, woah, woah, there!” Taehyung snorts. “Me? Propose to you?”

 “Yeah, with a goddamn onion ring,” you chuckle slightly, biting your ice cream cone. “I don’t know how it got in your bed but…”

 Taehyung raises his eyebrows. “Oh shit,” he mutters. “Did we…?”

 “No, you ass!” you blurt. “You asked me to stay with you but I…” you trail off. “Can we not talk about this? How was your final?” you say, aggressively biting at your ice cream.

 “Bombed it,” Taehyung answers shortly. “You’re trying to change the topic, Y/N. Why? Did I do something that bad?”

 No, it was fine. Great, actually. But you can’t tell him that. “No… Yes… Maybe? It depends on how you think about it,” you sigh. “I dunno. Forget it,” you say. You can literally feel the blush creeping in and settling on your cheeks. If it were any other person, you would’ve easily told them they’d kissed you drunk, but with Taehyung… it was so much harder. You’re struggling to form coherent sentences. It’s so not like you, the queen of speech and debate.

 “Oh, c’mon! What’s there to hide?” Taehyung pushes you, leaning even closer towards you. “I already confessed my undying love to you drunk, so…” It hurts because you know he’s joking.

 You sigh loudly, resting your chin on the counter. If Taehyung didn’t feel the same as you, nothing would matter, right? Ah, fuck it.

 “You kissed me.”

 “Wait, what?” Taehyung asks, completely caught off guard from your sudden spilled truth.

 “You kissed me, Tae.”

 “I…” Taehyung’s eyes widen as he searches your face for any other reaction. He laughs nervously. “Well, this is awkward.”

 “Yeah…” you mumble.

 “I was drunk, Y/N,” Taehyung says slowly, looking away from you. He chuckles without happiness. “You must’ve been caught off guard… I’m sorry. I swear it was nothing.”

 It was nothing, huh? Fuck. That didn’t hurt at all. No, no. It killed you over.

 You want to spill it out right then and there. Yet it seems so that you can argue about sensitive topics such as abortion, gay marriage and politics but you can’t seem to confess your feelings. Yeah, but a lost debate isn’t as serious as a lost friend, you reason.

 “Oh, okay,” you manage to answer. Already, you feel the awkwardness.

 “Yeah…”

 “Mm…”

 “Um, my shift will be over in a few. I’ll drive you home,” Taehyung says blandly. It feels so weird to not hear him tease you, or have a playful tone in his voice for that matter. He usually nitpicks at everything, but seeing him just tell you that in the dullest way possible… You don’t know what to think.

 It’s then when you’re finally able to feel your chocolate ice cream melting, the sticky, brown liquid making a mess of your hand. You don’t have much of a reaction to it as you get some napkins to clean yourself.

 It’s dying, melting away in an ugly shit color — just like your friendship.

 You and Taehyung both take your seats in his car; you haven’t spoken a word to him since fifteen minutes ago — which feels so weird because usually, you two are talking up a storm. There’s always something to say. Except now.

 Taehyung must be embarrassed, you think. His reaction tells you exactly that he hadn’t meant it. It kills you. Your heart feels shattered. Somewhere deep inside you, you’d hoped he’d said something on the lines of, ‘Oh, Y/N, I meant that kiss with all my heart.’

 Who am I kidding? You know that stuff only happens in movies.

 Taehyung starts the engine of his car and you jump slightly. Your friend takes no notice as he keeps his eyes straight ahead. The car ride is so silent, you can literally hear the gears of your brain working as all sorts of bad thoughts fly through your head.

 Does this mean… an eternal goodbye to Whipped Wednesdays? What if we won’t meet ever again? What if… he won’t be a part of my life anymore? Does he hate me for letting him do it?

 You’re still shaking in anxiety as Taehyung parks in front of your dorm building. “See you, Y/N,” he says shortly, waving slightly at you.

 All you can do is nod in acknowledgment, quickly exiting the vehicle.

 And just like that, Taehyung exited out of your life for a good week. You agonized in your dorm, moping around and eating a shit ton of ice cream that wasn’t perfectly whipped by Kim Taehyung. Your phone was collecting dust somewhere in the dorm and all you ended up doing for almost a whole week was binge-watch your favorite rom-com show on your laptop — probably accumulating as much weight as the text messages your friends were probably sending you.

 It was nothing. It was nothing. It was nothing.

 His words echo in your head the whole time. Just as you’re finally able to crack a small smile from a corny joke on a show: it was nothing, it was nothing, it was nothing.

 Maybe he hadn’t meant it? you had reasoned. No. He had been so disappointed in himself after finding out. You’d seen the look on his face. The horror, the humiliation.

 You don’t want to think about it, but it’s all you can think about. It takes you almost a full week to finally cease your moping. You take a nice, long shower in hot water, treat yourself to a healthy salad and squeeze some yoga in, in an attempt to lose some of that weight you gained from binge-eating so much ice cream.

 On Wednesday morning, you finally pick up your phone, wiping off the dust with your hand. 561 unread messages. 12 missed calls. Shit. Your friends probably thought you’d finally snapped from stress and buried yourself in a ditch.

 All of the calls and half of the messages are from Taehyung. You take the liberty to scroll through them quickly. To summarize, most of the texts comprise of, ‘are you mad,’ ‘you dead,’ ‘you gud?’ Then the most recent text, just five minutes before: ‘don’t forget about Whipped Wednesdays!’

 Shit. Right. It’s Wednesday.

 You don’t know if you want to go. You’ve never missed a day of Whipped Wednesdays since the day Taehyung started working at the ice cream parlor. But you’ve already come this far mourning a heartbreak. You don’t know if it’ll be healthy for you to see Kim Taehyung so soon.

 Regardless, you find yourself wordlessly getting ready, curling your hair and wearing a presentable outfit for once. At exactly noon, someone knocks at your door. You know it’s Taehyung, arrived to pick you up.

 You open the door, your stomach doing insane acrobatic tricks, making you feel all queasy. There, Taehyung stands. Handsome as usual.

 “Oh good, you’re good,” Taehyung says, rushing in to hug you. You’re taken back by surprise but soon, you find yourself wrapping your arms around your best friend as well. You had missed him. “I thought you were dead, the way you weren’t checking your goddamn phone. You idiot. I worried. I was so close to breaking in. But then I realized you were probably going through one of your moody phases.” He chuckles in your ear.

 The hair on the back of your neck stands up straight as you nod. “Yeah… moody phases,” you repeat. “I’m fine,” you say, pulling away and giving your friend a small smile. “Let’s go.”

Again, most of the car ride is silent, as if staying away from each other for a week made you strangers, foreign to the other’s presence. You really can’t take the silence though. God, you want to say something so bad, but what would you say?

 Haha, sorry Tae, but the reason why I was moping around like a baby for a goddamn week is that I might like you?? And you kinda rejected me??

 You mentally slap yourself. You’re never this tongue-tied. You hate not being able to say what’s on your mind. You want to speak. You need to —

 “Tae?”

 Your own voice surprises you as you can see Taehyung jump slightly in his seat, his hands still fixed tightly on the steering wheel. Immediately, you regret ever speaking. Too late now.

 “Hm?”

 You literally want to shank yourself for being an idiot. You’re stuck. What are you supposed to say? Maybe apologize? Yeah, apologize for being the bitch that you are, ditching your friend for a week, Y/N.

 An “I’m sorry” spills from your lips at the same time as Taehyung. Both of you chuckle. It was pretty common for both of you to say something in a unison. Soulmates, as to how you two had reasoned it as. Already, the awkward atmosphere isn’t as suffocating as before.

 “You should be sorry,” Taehyung teases, a grin escaping his lips. “You had me worried sick!”

 You huff. “If anything, you should be sorry. Just… just kissing me like that out of the fucking blue! How am I supposed to goddamn act?”

 “Okay, first of all, I was drunk. Second of all, it was nothing, I told you!” Taehyung laughs.

 “Oh my god, don’t call it nothing!” you blurt out. As embarrassed as you are for saying that, you feel better just voicing what’s on your mind than being silent.

 “What would you call it then?” Taehyung asks.

 You roll your eyes. “What am I supposed to say? It was the best kiss I’ve ever had?”

 “Best kiss?” Taehyung laughs. “I mean, of course, I was involved,” he says sassily.

 “Oh god, no,” you stifle a giggle.

 “Well then, tell me, Y/N. Do you feel the same as me?” Taehyung asks, wiggling his eyebrows.

 You make an ugly face. “What kind of vague question is that? I’m no mind reader! How am I supposed to know how you feel, huh? If I knew, don’t you think I would’ve cried from rejection or happiness, already?”

 “Wait a minute —”

 “I’m not waiting anymore, you asscrack,” you huff. “Whether you like me back or not is out of my fucking hands. But you have no idea how much I regret not saying ‘yes’ to you four fucking years ago.”

 “Like you back? Regret not saying ‘yes?’ You like me?” Taehyung asks as a grin forms on his face.

 It feels like you’re on the debate podium, expressing yourself with your words — except, it’s way more nerve-wracking than any competition you’ve been to.

 “Yes, asscrack. I like you,” you admit. It feels so good to let it out, your chest immediately feeling so much lighter. In fact, you think you lost the fifty pounds you’d gained over the past week. “You have no idea how hurt I was when you called the kiss, ‘nothing.’ Yeah, I’m a sensitive bitch and I admit I was being an absolute asshole for avoiding you, but you can’t just kiss me and expect me to act as nothing happened!” you pause for a deep breath, nearly choking on air doing so. “Agh! But the worst part is, Kim Taehyung, I know you’re not an asscrack or an idiot. You’re not even a complete shithead! You’re amazing, a bit annoying when it comes to schoolwork, yes, but also a caring friend, kind, loyal…” You trail off, fumbling over your words. You don’t know what to say. Again.

 You bury your face in your hands. “I’m not crying, I just lost my train of thought,” you sniff. “You just make me… lose my fucking words. I don’t even feel like a goddamn debate champion near you. You make me blabber around like a fucking second grader! I can’t form coherent sentences for shit! I don’t even fucking know what I’m saying right now! Fuck, you make me cuss so much, goddamit!” You finish, letting out a huge breath you hadn’t known you had been holding in.

 You hear Taehyung’s low chuckle and you jerk your head up, glaring through your teary eyes. God, I hadn’t meant to get emotional. Or to be fair, I hadn’t known I was going to confess now, either.

 “Wow, Y/N,” Taehyung laughs. “Are you really blaming your foul mouth on me?”

 “Are you fucking kidding me, Kim fucking Taehyung?” you rage. “I just confessed my whole heart out and that’s the first thing you say?”

 “Yup. And I’d pay good money to see you confess to me again. 10 out of 10 you’re the better confessor between the two of us,” Taehyung chuckles, giving you a final look before parking his car in the back lot of the ice cream parlor.

 Your eyebrow twitches in annoyance. Aggressively, you wipe away the tears welled up in your eyes, glaring at your friend, your crush.

 “Oh, Y/N,” Taehyung says between laughter, placing a hand on your arm. “I’m sorry! I really am,” he giggles. “I swear I’m not laughing at you. I just can’t believe after all these years — Idiot! I like you too!” he blurts out.

 What.

 What.

 What.

 What the FUCK?

 “YOU ASSCRACK!” you scream, shaking your arm away from Taehyung’s grip. “YOU MADE ME CONFESS LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT!”

 “Well, duh. I’m getting you back for rejecting me in high school,” Taehyung laughs. “Besides, I’ve known you for years. I know how much you tend to blush around people you having feelings for.”

 You scoff as you swing open the car door, hurriedly stepping out. “So are you rejecting me right now?”

 Taehyung smiles at you, stepping out of the car. “I would be crazy to reject someone like you.”

 “You would still be crazy even if you didn’t reject me,” you tease, smiling as you nudge Taehyung to the side.

 “Yes, definitely. I’d be crazy for you,” Taehyung giggles, nudging you right back. He intertwines his warm hand into yours as if to prove it.

 You flout. “Asscrack.” But of course, you don’t mean it. You never do.

 Oh god. His hand fits so perfectly interlocked with yours and you stare down at it, so happy your chest feels like it’ll burst.

 “You know you love me,” Taehyung answers, swinging open the door of the ice cream parlor and letting you inside first.

 “I do know,” you reply shortly as Taehyung gives you one final grin before parting from your hold and walking over behind the counter. He dons his apron and washes his hands, then grins at you. “The usual, Y/N?”

 “Hmmm… the usual,” you confirm, “but with a cherry on top.”

 “Got it! One whipped chocolate ice cream with a cherry on top! Free from all costs because you’re all mine,” Taehyung announces, his sparkling eyes locked onto yours.

 You’re at a loss of words once more. You swear something in your chest explodes at that moment — it’s a burst of emotions, actually: warm, fuzzy and cordial. You’ve got to admit, sometimes Kim Taehyung is a beautiful angel. Other times, he’s a straight up asscrack. Too bad you’re whipped for him — just as he’s whipped for you.

masterlist

[georgialouisea]

Don’t Tell My Wife - Part 1

Characters - Reader, Patrick Dempsey, Ellen Pompeo, Justin Chambers, Kevin McKidd, Jensen Ackles, Jared Padalecki, Misha Collins, Richard Speight Jr.

Warnings - Fluff, drinking, flirting, future affair.  Word count - 2.4k. Summary - You were happy on Grey’s Anatomy, you felt at home there but when a guest role on Supernatural is offered you’d be a fool to say no. When the guest role becomes a more permanent thing, your relationship with your co-star Jensen Ackles develops too, into something it really shouldn’t.

A/N - So ... just a quick heads up characters mentioned not from the cast of supernatural will be the cast  of Grey’s Anatomy, if you don’t watch the show it doesn’t matter at all just see them as ocs unless you’d like to google it’s completely up to you and your reading preference. 

“That won’t work Derek and you know it, it was a stupid idea and you shouldn’t have ever roped me in, if you’ll excuse me, I have to tell a woman her son will not be making it off the table.” Ripping off your scrub cap you turned on your heel walking out of the shot.

Behind you, the rest of the scene played out Patrick acting everything out perfectly.

“Cut!” The director shouted across the small room. “That was perfect! I love working with you two, always means I can go home early.” She smiled at you. “Take ten and we’ll crack on with this afternoon shall we?”

Walking back to your trailer it still hadn’t fully sunk in how lucky you are even after all these years. Acting was hard, getting a break in acting harder however you seemed to be one of the lucky ones. All your previous roles had been at home in England until you made the move to LA. Grey’s Anatomy had been one of your favourite shows for years, so when you got cast as Doctor Lily Grey a long-lost sister of the main character you felt like you’d actually made it somewhere in life.

“Y/N!” Ellen shouted running to catch up to you.

“Yeah?” Spinning around to face her.

“Meeting.”

“Since when do we have a meeting at a quarter to four?”

“Since now.” She shrugged walking back towards set next to you.

“You know you play my sister you’re not actually my sister.”

“Sometimes I feel like I am.” She stopped walking her hand on your back ushering you towards the closed door to one of the operating room setups.

“Why are we here? What’s happened to the conference room?”

“Nothing, just open it and go in.”

“Are you going to kill me?” Laughing you turned to face her.

“Just go on.” Rolling her eyes she gave you a small push.

Opening the door the room was pitch black, stepping in the room the lights flicked on, the whole cast and crew stood in front of you, party poppers went off as everyone shouted “Happy Birthday!”

“Guys!” Smiling at them you were pulled into a group hug.

The afternoon was spent eating snacks and cake with the cast and crew before rushing home to get ready for the surprise meal and drinks Ellen had planned for you.

-

Walking into the restaurant the table was covered in pink and black glitter, matching balloons floated above the table. “Happy Birthday!” Everyone shouted raising their glasses, a glass of champagne handed to you by Patrick Dempsey.

“Happy Birthday darling.” He whispered kissing your cheek. “Enjoy tonight.”

“Thanks, I will.”

Hours ticked by as you ate and drank with your friends, drinking maybe a little too much.

Staggering outside the warm LA air not doing much to warm you up, wrapping your arms around your waist you waited for the stragglers to follow you out.

“Y/N! You left your coat inside.” Justin Chambers walked toward you your leather jacket in hand.

“Thanks, babe.” Taking it from him you struggled to put it on, staggering away from Justin your back collided with something solid.

“Oof.” Someone huffed behind you.

Turning around you finally got your arm in the sleeve. “I’m so sorry.” Pulling your sleeve down, looking up you took a step back. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” The man smiled down at you.

Your brain finally caught up with your eyes, you’d fallen into the chest of Jensen Ackles. “You’re Dean Winchester, oh God you’re so pretty.”

“You’re Lily Grey, you’re pretty too.”

“I’m so sorry.” Apologising again you tried to sound as sober as you could but couldn’t help but grin at him.

“Y/N.” Justin walked towards you. “You good?”

“Mhm fine.” You watched over Justin’s shoulder as the rest of the group practically fell out of the bar door. “Mr Dean, Jensen, I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologising.” He laughed, his hand reaching out grabbing your bicep he steadied you. “Have you had a good night?”

“So fun.”

“Good.” Smiling down at you his eyes crinkled as he let you go.

Kevin McKidd walked towards you plonking a tiara on your head and kissing your cheek.

“Is it your birthday?” Jensen asked. Nodding your eyes shifted to the two men who had stopped next to Jensen. “Y/N, this is Jared and Misha.”

“Hi.” You waved at them despite how close you were to them.

“Y/N! Where’s Y/N?” Ellen called from the main group of drunk tv Doctors.

“She’s here!” Jared called raising a hand giving her a wave.

“Oh my God.” She sighed walking towards you. “I’m sorry.” She took your hand properly looking at the men in front of her. “You’re the guys from Supernatural.”

“Yeah, we are.” Jensen nodded with a smile.

“Y/N, come on!” Kevin called waving you toward him.

Turning you tried to walk towards him, Ellen quickly pulled you back. “Hey, no, you’ll end up coming home at seven am again.”

“Mhm okay.”

“Cabs are here!” Someone from the group called.

“Okay, so we’re going, enjoy the rest of your night.”

“Bye Mr Dean, Castiel and Sammy!” Waving at them Justin wrapped his arm around your waist walking you towards the taxi.

-

With each blink, the pounding in your head intensified. A glass of water sat on your bedside table half drunk with a bottle of aspirin and a note.

‘I’ll explain everything you’re fuzzy on, take a few pills, drink up, I’m on the couch.’

After reading Justin’s drunkenly scrawled note you threw your arm over your eyes trying to block out the light. “Justin?” Calling out your voice cracked.

Your bedroom door opened, Justin walked in 2 cups of coffee in his hands. “How’re you feeling?” He handed you a cup of coffee.

“Like I was hit by a truck.” Sighing you rested back against the pillows.

“Give me a few.” Justin put his coffee cup on the empty bedside table leaving you alone in bed. You listened to him shuffling around in the kitchen. “Here.” He walked back in with a pizza box in his hands.

“Oh thank God!” Grabbing a slice you sat back, Derek, your Dachshund jumped up on your bed staring at you wide-eyed. Taking a picture of your coffee cup on your bed you uploaded it to Instagram, thanking your friends for last night.

“Did you feed him?” Asking him you stroked Derek’s fur as he nuzzled against your side sniffing at the pizza crust in your hand.

“Yeah, I did.”

“Thanks.” Taking another bite of the crust you gave the rest to Derek. “I don’t know why you put up with me.”

“I just do.”

“You seriously slept on the couch?”

“Yeah, I’m in the same state you’re in.” Justin groaned falling back next to you.

“Someone should have cut us off.”

“Yeah.” He laughed. “You were funny though.”

“What?” Why? What did I do?” You sat up looking at him.

“We ran into the guys from Supernatural.”

“What?”

“You walked straight into Jensen Ackles literally, then you had a little chat with him, I think you called him pretty at one point.”

“No-”

“Yep, they didn’t seem to mind though.”

“Oh my God.”

Your phone dinged from your bedside table.

‘Jensen Ackles followed you.’

‘Jensen Ackles liked your photo.’

‘Jensen Ackles commented on your photo ‘Enjoy your pizza, Miss Lily, Y/N and happy birthday.’

“Well, he’s fine with it.”

“Who?” Justin asked gulping a mouthful of coffee.

“Jensen, he just followed me and commented about last night, can I go back to sleep yet?”

“God yes.” Taking the pizza box off the bed he put it on the table next to him. “I already need a nap.”

--

“How’s your head today?” Patrick asked a day later handing you a cup of coffee.

“It’s fine today, yesterday was the killer, there was a lot of coffee and pizza.” Fixing your scrubs you looked back up at him. “You?”

“Fine.”

Your phone rang in your pocket, not looking at the caller ID you answered. “Hello?” Patrick smiled at you taking a few steps away from you, leaving you to talk alone.

“Good morning Y/N, how was your birthday?” Dave your agent asked.

“It was great thanks, how are you?”

“I’m good, so I have some news for you.”

“Which is?”

“You’re wanted.”

“By -”

“Supernatural.”

“What?”

“There’s a guest role, a hunter and you’re perfect for it, honestly you are, they’ve reached out asking if you’d want to play a badass hunter.”

“Do you have the script?”

“Already emailed over to you.” You could hear Dave smirk down the line. “Have a read through and let me know as soon as you can.”

“Will do.”

“Bye.” Dave hung up.

Patrick smiled at you. “What are you so happy about?”

“I may have just got a guest role on Supernatural.”

“You love that show.”

“Yeah, I do.”

“How are you going to work on two shows?”

“It’s only a guest role I can juggle it, I haven’t even accepted it yet.”

In the 3 years, you’d worked on Grey’s you’d quickly made friends with everyone, Patrick and Ellen were closest, they were practically your on and off screen parents, always keeping you in check.

-

“Y/N!” Jared shouted you from across the lot as you were halfway through your tour.

“Jared! Hey!” Grinning at him you gave him quick hug.

“Are you filming today?”

“Not today, we’re on a little tour.”

“Want me to take over?” Jared looked at the PA whos name you were yet to learn.

“If that’s okay, I have a load to do.” She pulled out her phone almost running off immediately.

“Lead the way, Padalecki.”

“Sure thing Y/L/N.” Crooking his arm he held it out for you, linking your arm through his he led you around the set.

Hours later you held a cup of coffee in your hands allowing the heat to warm up your hands. “It’s so cold, oh my God, I hate winter.”

“Yeah.” Jared nodded. “It is.”

“I thought you’d be used to the cold being British.” Misha smiled at you.

“Kind of, I think over the years I’ve got used to LA weather.”

“Wait how long have you lived in LA for?” Misha asked Jensen walked toward the 3 of you.

“Hi.” He smiled at you.

“Hi, erm 3 years.” You answered Misha.

“Have you been home a lot?” Jared asked.

“I go back every few months when I can.” You tried to focus on Jared as Jensen sat opposite you. “I actually want to apologise for my state in LA.”

“It was interesting.” Jensen winked at you.

“I’m sorry.”

“Stick around here for long enough you’ll see us all in much worse states.” Jensen chuckled his eyes drifting to Jared. “In fact, we can tell you some stories.”

Crawling into bed 4 hours later you were still giggling at the tales the boys had told you, pulling the sheets up checking on your phone you dropped it down onto the bedside table. Falling asleep with a smile on your face you were going to enjoy spending time with this cast, they’d already made you feel at home.

-

“Morgan.” Dean ran across the parking lot as you threw your bag onto the back seat of your car.

“Yes, Winchester?” Turning to face him, you caught a glimpse of Sam disappearing into the motel room.

Dean came to a stop in front of you. “Hey, erm listen, I just wanna say thank you, I know we barged in on your hunt, took it over and in the end you were the one to save our asses.”

“Damn right.” Smirking up at him.

“So I just want to say thank you and if you ever need any help you have my number.” He took a step closer to you, closing the gap.

Smiling up at him your back was pressed up against the side of your car. “I’m sure I can cope.”

“If you need me.” Dean’s fingertips tucked hair behind your ear. “For anything.” He leaned in his lips brushed against yours waiting for you to kiss him or kick his ass.

Your hand ran up his chest, patting it you pushed him away slightly. “If I need you, Winchester, I’ll call.” Your hand moved across his chest grabbing the lapel of his suit jacket pulling him back against you, leaning up you kissed him hard. Pulling away you smiled up at him. “Like I said I’ll call.”

Dean took a step backwards.

“Goodbye Dean Winchester.”

“See ya around Wilson.” Dean grinned at you as he watched you get into your car, roaring your car to life, your eyes roaming his body.

“Need you, call, I got it, Dean.” Slamming the door shut you opened the window.

“Morgan.” Leaning down he rested his forearms on the door. “Don’t be a stranger.”

“Dean, I’m sure we’ll be seeing each other very soon.” Dean took a step back from your car.

“And cut!” Speight shouted from behind the camera. “That’s a wrap on the amazing Miss Y/L/N!”

Getting out of the car Jensen’s arms wrapped around you. “It’s been great working with you.”

“You too.”

“We’re going for drinks tonight right?” Jared asked, as soon as you were out of Jensen’s arms Jared gave you a bone-crushing hug.

“Hell yeah.” Nodding, Jared let you go. “I have a few people I need to talk to before I leave set, I love you both I’ll see you tonight but I gotta run.”

“You go, we’ll pick you up at seven.” Jensen smiled down at you.

-

Leaving Vancouver was hard, sure you’d been here for a week but the friendships you’d formed were real. Arriving back in LA taking the time you were stuck in traffic to call Dave.

“Hello?” He answered.

“Dave, Hi I -”

“Y/N, I was just about to call you, the guys over on Supernatural loved you and they want to talk about making your role something more permanent.”

“What?”

“Yeah, they adored you, they want to progress her relationship with Dean.”

“Really?”

“Yes, they think there is a real connection and chemistry between Morgan and Dean.”

“You’re kidding?”

“Nope, they want to explore it.”

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll let them know, congratulations.” He hung up quickly, obviously wanting to get the ball rolling.

Finishing your phone call you dropped your phone into your lap slightly in shock, you’d just landed another role on a TV show you’d loved for years, this wasn’t real, this was a dream. Your phone vibrating in your lap.

‘Welcome to the family.’ Jensen’s text lit up on your screen.

Part 2

If you’d like to be added or removed from the taglist please send me an ask!

Taglist - 

Forever Taglist - 

@mega-loser1298 @smalltowndivaj @roxyspearing @emoryhemsworth @dwgrl1903 @cassieraider @mirandaaustin93 @mogaruke @heyitscam99 @mouselovesmusic @supernaturaldean67 @atc74 @witchofenoch @malindacath @skathan-omaha @ain-t-bovvered @beffyblueeyes @unicorn-sparkles123 @serienjunkiegirl @jchona @polina-93 @thefangirlliveson @rhochradel @juanitadiann @amandamdiehl @dixonsunicorn @deanzeppeloin @katieelementarymydearwatsonme @atlas-of-the-world @spnbaby-67 @chelsea072498 @dean-winchesters-bacon @racheo91 @mrswhozeewhatsis @death-unbecomes-you @brewsthespirit-blog @shann-the-artist-moon @team-free-will-you-idjits-67 @claitynroberts @spnwoman @angelsandwinchesters @smoothdogsgirl @cdwmtjb8 @perkypolarbear @thisismysecrethappyplace @tatertot1097 @jessieray98 @curly-haired-disaster @gh0stgurl @starfirerules @kcrews74 @calaofnoldor @shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @screechingartisancashbailiff @malindacath @kolelondon24 @supernatural-crazed-girl @natura1phenomenon @thehufflepuffblog @lemondropirwin @babypink224221  

Don’t tell my wife -

@supernatural-crazed-girl @rainbowkisses31 @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester @the-is13 @spnfamily-thewinchesters @cr4zyimagines @monkeymcpoopoo @saving-captain-hook @titty-teetee @spnfamily-thewinchesters @hopefulcolorcollectorsthings @gabrielslittleangel @shatteredabby @housav

[evesbeve]

~All. Of. Them.~ ☺

99 gay-ish asks

… you know WHAT.

FINE.

I’LL DO ALL OF THEM.

LONG ANSWER UNDER THE TAG, HA V E FUN-

1. how tall are you?

I am 159cm aka 5′3ft!

2. what is your body type?

According to the first Google Image result I got, it’s between “Banana Shape” and “Apple Shape”. I have no idea who came up with these terms. But there you go.

3. what is your favorite part about your body?

My nails-

4. is your current hair color your natural hair color?

My hair is brunette, which is also my natural hair color!

5. are you more outgoing or more shy?

I’d like to think I’m outgoing, but we all know the truth rip

6. are you more femme or butch?

Depends on the day-

7. are you tol or smol?

I definitely wouldn’t call myself tol, so smol, I guess!

8. wine mom or vodka aunt?

Sober Mom

9. weird habit?

The door has to be either fully closed or fully open. Don’t fite me on this-

10. favorite meme?

Too many to count, but this is one of my favourites right now-

but also like, most of my faves at the moment are actually memes with pictures of me and my friends XD

11. do you sing in the shower?

Hell yes!!

12. ever used a bow and arrow?

Yep!

13. are/were you a theatre kid?

(Answered here)

14. have you ever seen a broadway musical?

Nope, but I’ve seen Aladdin’s counterpart to broadway in London! So it’s like, the exact same thing, but in London XD

15. do you think musicals are cheesy?

Yes. Do I think it makes them less enjoyable though? Nope.

16. have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?

It’s a complicated story, but I have!

17. favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?

Gooood, it’s been so long since I’ve played CAH! I have no idea ;;

18. last movie you watched?

I think it was Far From Home!

19. behind the camera or in front of it?

I’m usually the one taking pictures and filming my friends (they better thank me in 10 years) but to be honest, I wish they’d take some more pics of me to look back to too. I do enjoy filming though, so I guess behind!

20. favorite tv show?

Right now, it’s definitely The Umbrella Academy!

21. meaning behind your url

My name is Evelina, and I am online

22. reason you joined tumblr

To follow a project I used to like on YouTube ^^

23. who’s your closest tumblr friend?

I mean, @clumsinessinperson, @xxwhisperapplexx, @hollsheadcanons and @spinharmony started out as tumblr friends, but now we’ve known each other for more than a year and they’re my best friends in the world ;w;

24. what’s something most people love that you hate?

Olives. Peas. Crocs.

uPDATE: i READ THAT QUESTION WRONG, I THOUGHT IT SAID THE OPPOSITE, I LOVE ALL THESE THREE THINGS

I do hate BBQ sauce with PASSION though-

25. have you ever taken narcotics?

I mean, only when I got my teeth extracted XD

26. have you had sex?

Nope.

27. have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

I’ve never sneaked out before, so nah. My phone caught me on my phone at 5am once, does that count?

28. worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?

(Answered here)

29. describe your passion without mentioning it.

The ocean’s waves clash at the coast. They drown in themselves. They help the boats move. But sometimes, the ocean is quiet.

30. describe your best friend.

Nearly impossible to describe a 100 people in one sentence, but none of them have braincells.

31. give us one thing about you that no one knows.

NOT AGAIN, ANSWERED HERE.

32. how do you feel right now?

Energetic!!

33. what is your biggest fear?

Dying

34. what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

(Answered here)

35. what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?

Honestly, uploading my stories.

36. have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?

MANY TIMES. But hey, that’s life. And that doesn’t mean that it’ll always disappoint you. Keep trying, everyone!

37. something you fantasize about.

MEETING MY ONLINE FRIENDS IRL ;W;

38. last time you cried and why

This morning because I had a fight with my mom lmao

39. what was the last thing that made you laugh?

Me.

40. do you really, truly miss someone right now?

Sure do *dabs*

41. who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

@xxwhisperapplexx​, @clumsinessinperson​, @aesthetically-bitching​ and my other irl fren who doesn’t have tumblr but he is a dumbass!!

42. the last time you felt broken?

SEE 38, RIP (I’m okay now tho, dw!)

43. are you starting to realize anything?

I wanna be a director or a scriptwriter or something!! Just work in the movies!!

44. are you more dominant or more submissive?

Dominant, but I can be just as submissive!

45. i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)

I’ll only date you if I love you?? Why would I date someone I don’t love?

46. do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?

Uhhh look, I’m 16, so the same age, lol. And even if I was older, age doesn’t matter as long as it’s not creepy and predatory, you know?

47. describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.

I don’t have a crush at the moment, thANK GOD.

48. do you have any kinks?

Bye.

49. first thing you notice in a person?

(Answered here)

50. how can someone win your heart?

Step One: Stan Ben Hargreeves.

51. been rejected by a crush?

Nop. Never confessed-

52. have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

Yes.

53. would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

No.

54. is trust a big issue for you?

I mean, I wouldn’t trust someone I just met with my life, but I do have faith in people ^^

55. did you hang out with the person you like recently?

I do not,,, have a crush,,,

56. is confidence cute?

Everything positive is cute.

57. what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

I don’t like someone right now but if it were to happen, I wouldn’t say anything? It’s their life.

58. would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

Everyone makes me laugh. I must hate the person then XD

59. does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?

I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH AAAAA

60. ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

Yes, like a bazillion times.

61. do you want to get married

I’m open to it!

62. worst thing you’ve ever done?

Honestly, I was trying to think of a serious answer, I PROMISE, but then I remembered that when I was little my parents had pissed me off so badly, and I quoted a Barbie movie that said “You’re ruining my life!” like an angry toddler.

Then they threatened to never let me watch Barbie again because it was a bad influence, anD I MEAN. It was what it was XD

Note: They never banned Barbie.

63. three things that turn you on.

How did you know I was an android.

64. who do you hate?

Hate is a strong word, lmao.

65. favorite term of endearment?

Unironically, it’s “boo” XD

66. who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?

I WAS WONDERING IF THERE WAS A QUESTION LIKE THAT, honestly I do not remember. Probably someone from Winx.

67. intimidating girls or kind girls?

Both are valid.

68. what do you look for in a possible partner?

I don’t look, they hit me in the head.

69. do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?

All. All the girls.

70. are you good at flirting?

Yes, actually XD

71. who was the first person you came out to?

Probably @aesthetically-bitching​, I think!

72. do you have any friends who are wlw?

yeet

73. is your crush wlw?

don’t have a crush, but used to-

74. last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?

I have no idea, I’ve known I was bi since 6th grade.

75. write a short love poem to your crush/self?

Not all the steps you walked on are stableBut that’s okayReaching the top requires a few

76. do you fall in love easily?

I’ve only fallen like in love twice. Crushes are way different, and I’d say kinda…?

77. is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

Yeah. But I hate talking about it.

78. are you good at hiding your feelings?

Yep. If you notice I’m sad, I want you to notice I’m sad.

79. are you a forgiving person?

Mhm!

80. what is your “type?”

Ironically, Eudora Patch from The Umbrella Academy is a very good depiction of my type. (Note: Personality wise. Looks genuinely don’t matter to me, everyone is BEAUTIFUL.)

81. fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?

I am a little spoon inside and out-

82. tall girls or short girls?

Doesn’t matter-

83. hugs or kisses?

Hugs!! kisses kinda make me uncomfortable most of the time to be honest

84. twirl her around or get twirled?

b O T H

85. tummy kisses or thigh kisses?

Tummy-

86. hairline kisses or neck kisses?

Hairline,,,

87. play with her hair or stroke her tummy?

Hair!!

88. making out or soft kisses?

Soft kisses, definitely. Not that I’ve kissed anyone before, but oh well XD

89. hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?

Neck…? I’d say neck.

90. how confident are you in your sexuality?

It took me a while, but I am very confident in it right now!

91. when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?

Butterflies™

92. have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?

I have, and I told them absolutely nothing

93. how old were you when you realized you were into girls?

*shrugs* young XD

94. most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?

All girls are cute girls. So many things.

95. do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?

THIS QUESTION IS STRESSING ME OUT, I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO CHOOSE. Honestly, Alphys and Undyne are a hard one to top, aND ALSO CANON

96. what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?

“You’re just confused.”

97. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?

… I don’t know what to tell you.

98. what is love to you?

Love is complicated.

To me, it’s not about having a partner. Actually, loving someone regardless of romantic feelings is way more important, in my opinion. These things can co-exist, and loving a friend is just as important loving a lover.

The lack of it can hurt, especially being forced out of it. But feeling love? I don’t know. It’s one of the most beautiful feelings ever. I feel so lucky to be surrounded by it.

I really love this article on it! It’s about the 8 types of love the ancient greeks had, and as I greek person myself, I think highly of it. I highly recommend reading it!

99. ask me anything. (bUt since no one specified, I’ll ask myself: Why do this and what did I learn from this?)

I did this because I am stubborn. Also I genuinely liked the questions XD

What I learned from this experience is that I really love answering questions, oops-

If you made it this far, I don’t know what to tell you. You deserve a golden star, my dude.

ANYWAY, NEVER AGAIN.

[tastytofusoup]

It’s really a kick in the teeth to read other people talking about their mental health ‘breakthroughs’, and they’re always things I already know and can tell myself, but none of it makes a shred of difference. Nothing like that shit to rub in the feeling that nothing’s going to help my absolute garbage fire of mental health.

Everything is effectively useless. I see these people being like ‘oh wow it’s amazing I hadn’t thought about it like that before, this is going to help so much!’, which you know, is good for them, but also: fuck me. I KNOW this shit. I’ve known all of this garbage for years now. I’m a clever fuck. Yes, I know, I’ve heard this before, blah blah, a lot is turning into platitudes at this point. I understand. I can rationalise and understand all of these concepts. DOESN’T MAKE A FUCKING DIFFERENCE.

I have, hm, let’s make a list. MAJOR DEPRESSIVE DISORDER, General anxiety, social anxiety from being bullied to shit, most definitely not helped by years of self-inflicted isolation. Unresolved grief over my dad dying of cancer while I was already suffering from deep depression. Possibly some aspect of ptsd from any of or a combination of the party bag of mental trauma I’ve been through. My last relationship was an unhealthy shitfest that brought its own traumas. I’m also on a waiting list for a proper aspergers assessment, which certainly won’t have helped matters. That waiting list btw is so fucking long that it could realistically take 4 years. I’m doing GREAT. Life is a fucking FUN TIME for me. It’s certainly not a CONSTANT STRUGGLE.

And at this point I have such a decent idea of the problems and how they affect me. It’s what an intelligent person has self-analysed over a decade of time dealing with it. Now nothing I see anyone saying as advice about similar mental health problems is new to me. It all feels shallow and at worst condescending. Like, am I essentially going to be fucked forever, because it certainly feels like it.

And probably the worst is the “noticing you have a problem and seeking help is the biggest part uwu”, “go and see a good therapist uwu”.

I’ve known I have a problem since I had a huge mental breakdown at university in 2009 or whenever the fuck. I’ve been prepared to seek help for like 5 years now. Turns out, the help and availability of help, are both shit. Absolute shit. Congrats on that seeking help part buddy, good fucking luck though, get bent.

And sure! Let me pick a wad of cash I definitely have, from up in my ass, and go and see a therapist. Let me just go around throwing this monopoly money around to try a bunch of therapists to find one that fits, and then go to one like every week for a very long time, like I most likely need. And do that with this magical fairy money I for sure have. JUST SEE A THERAPIST UWU, IT’S AS EASY AS THAT.

I definitely don’t have under £500 in my account, and am not losing about £100 per month because my benefits got cut in half so I can’t even afford the mere 3rd of rent and bills that I have to pay to live here with 2 other people without living with constant looming disaster. Definitely not. Let me just pay for that fucking therapist, dude. It’s not as if money’s an object for anyone. It’s not as if mental health care systems are fucking shit worldwide. I mean, looking at the state of my mental health, I’m clearly able to work completely fine at literally any job, mhm.

How about, all of that being thick, bitter sarcasm tho?

It’s fine though, I’m cool. I’m not going through a period of the deepest depression I’ve had in a long time, where I feel like absolute shit. Where I’m most definitely neglecting my physical health even more than usual. And not having had a haircut in a few months, and skipping dinner because I constantly have anxiety over money eating away at me is definitely fun. So is my teeth aching from clenching and sucking them because of the anxiety. Definitely helps my mood. Is there good mental health anywhere is sight? No. Fucking no.

And I went through the phase years ago where my depression was at such a point where I’d given up and was strangely accepting of how that was just how I was going to be forever. That’s done. Now I’m fucking angry. Because fuck that shit. And I’ve been thinking fuck that shit for years now, yet here I am.

“just seek help and see a therapist uwu”. Fuck off.

[jhupaig]

K_Renbo: mhm,,, kinda caught between just raising an eyebrow at her and squinting at her thecyberflame: don't,, need to do either K_Renbo: well she seems to want to be very clingy which is a problem thecyberflame: Not a problem at all,, K_Renbo: mmmhm just checking you wouldn't like, cry or anything if he punched her in the face would you thecyberflame: Depends how hecked his brain is K_Renbo: could say super hecked for fun thecyberflame: For fun, of course. Uhhh then yeah he gonna cry K_Renbo: well dang. he's not a fan but yeah he's gonna have to fight her cuz that's just how it be sometimes thecyberflame: Have fun trying to fight with a boy clinging to her K_Renbo: aww,, she's gonna kiss your head tho, you stay safe while she takes care of this creep, okay? thecyberflame: Clings to her,, so much,, K_Renbo: oh, baby,,, holds,,, hamon's just gonna si g h thecyberflame: Don't sigh at him,,, he's gonna cry mo re K_Renbo: :/... He's gonna try to kick her one way and pull you the other. Release, thecyberflame: That's rude and not nice Mama please don't let go of hi m His little weak hands can only cling so much,, K_Renbo: She won't!! she's gonna try so ha r d, and even if he pulls them apart she'll just try to get you ba ck but his look has graduated from squint to glare so that's cool thecyberflame: Yaaay fun,, K_Renbo: very fun thecyberflame: Those hands are gonna reach for her,, K_Renbo: Sig h s. He's gonna try to pull you far away from her tho got the image of her grabbing a palette knife and trying to get him so,,,, enjoy watching your mama stab your papa~ thecyberflame: This,, hecks with his head too much for him to be okay with it,,Yell a no but look surprised that he did,, reach out a hand but he doesn't know wh o he's reaching to,,, Life is ha r d K_Renbo: she's sorry you have to see this baby,,,, but this man is trying to take you away from her-!! thecyberflame: But,, But he- he's not.. He's good,,He thinks..,, K_Renbo: Baby, no! He wants to take you-! pulls him back into he r a rm s thecyberflame: Mm,,, He'll.. He'll look at Hamon K_Renbo: He's just trying to collect himself and decide what to do hi don't mind this pained glance at you thecyberflame: As long as you don't mind his pained and confused face looking at you K_Renbo: Well, he does mind that. He's just gonna sigh at it and close his eyes for a hot second thecyberflame: Why do you mind that si r K_Renbo: Ah e m your mama's just gonna pull you way over there, come along,,, thecyberflame: But mama he's hurt..,, K_Renbo: Good. thecyberflame: Maaammmaaaa. Just killed a maaann That's not,, good,, K_Renbo: He wants to take you away, baby--  He's gonna try to take you so far away-- She had to thecyberflame: He doesn't want to be taken away but.. he- he's hurt.. K_Renbo: Don't look at it, baby. She'll hold you to her chest thecyberflame: Mama- K_Renbo: Shh, shh now, she's got you,, thecyberflame: But- Mama can't you help him.. K_Renbo: Baby... thecyberflame: Please.. K_Renbo: He- He's dangerous... He'd just take advantage of her kindness.. thecyberflame: Please Mama... K_Renbo: She'll give you such a sad look...You're so sweet, to worry about him, and she'll kiss your head for that-- but baby, no, no... thecyberflame: B.. But Mama- He's good.. He's- I know him.. Even if his brain is being kinda hecky on h o w he knows him,, It's,, there K_Renbo: How do you know him-? When did you ever meet him without me knowing? thecyberflame: I.. I don't know I just- I know him... Enjoy that Ham man K_Renbo: Baby, your mind's being silly... She'll kiss it again, but...... Hamon's going to push himself back up though, and look over at you thecyberflame: Mm.. He's been looking at him K_Renbo: .... internal sigh, but, "We're family." thecyberflame: Awww Hamon He'll- look a little more confused K_Renbo: shut,, Your mama's gonna hold you closer, and spin around to glare at him, like how dare you -- But he doesn't care about her opinions, so? "You were adopted by my fiancé. Dimitri. You remember him, don't you?" She'sgonnagetso m u ch mo r e offended th o thecyberflame: "Dimi.. tri..?" K_Renbo: "... Or how about Dri? Adriane? Your 'brother', as you've been calling each other." A lady is gonna keeping insisting this is all bullshit thecyberflame: You can keep insisting that all you want but brains do what they do. He's gonna look down at the ground and be silent for a moment. "That.. I know that name-" K_Renbo: "... Blond hair, covers his eye... He calls you Blondie." thecyberflame: "I..." His face will get all scrunched up as he thinks really hard. ".. Yellow.. eye?" K_Renbo: ... A bit of relief will cross his face, almost a smile, too. He'll nod. "That's right." "Baby! Baby, no, enough with this nonsense! Your family is here-" thecyberflame: .. He'll look at her- K_Renbo: She'll give you a pleading sort of look,,"He's just trying to trick you, please-" thecyberflame: "But.. But I remember-" K_Renbo: "You don't, baby, that's silly," she'll lay a hand on your cheek and brush her thumb over it. "You've only been with me, where would these made up people fit in?" thecyberflame: Mm.. He'll look down again and close his eyes. "I don't.. I don't know but-" He'll look over at Hamon. "I remember him.." K_Renbo: "... My name is Hamon," he'll cut back in before she starts up her rudeness again, and start coming closer, little as she likes it. "I spend most of the time on the couch, but sometimes you kids come along and try to play. You and Cecilia mostly, you surely remember her." "But as for me," .... he'll bring a hand up, a bent finger brushing some of his own bangs a little. "I wear a cowboy hat sometimes for a chuckle. You steal it from time to time." thecyberflame: Hm- He'll.. He'll start to smile a little, though his confusion still showing through. Though some tears might start to line his eyes. K_Renbo: ... He'll smile back, more than a little. And he'll try to reach over-- But, the woman will slap his hand away, and try to pull you further from him. "Leave my baby alone!" thecyberflame: Oh, that'll surprise him. Might jump,,, As much as he can. "Ma- Mama, it's good..!" K_Renbo: "No! Listen to it, what sort of nonsense is he putting in your head!?" thecyberflame: "Non.. ? No, it- it's good..!" K_Renbo: "You're not going to go with him, are you!?" thecyberflame: "Ca.. Can't you go with?" K_Renbo: "We're not going along with some strange kidnapper-!" thecyberflame: "No, but I know him-!" K_Renbo: "You don't!" thecyberflame: "I-I do!" K_Renbo: ... Hamon's going to look over some vines, and make his way over to them. "No! How would you know him!?" thecyberflame: "I- I don't know, but I do-!" "So, we can go with him, Mama.. Please?" K_Renbo: "Why do you want to!? Am I not good enough??" thecyberflame: "No, Mama! O- Of course you are-" K_Renbo: "Then why do you want to leave me...!" totally not starting to cry or anything thecyberflame: You raising your voice was already making him hhhh but like if you start cryinG. He's gonna hug her and shake his head. "I want you to come with, Mama.." K_Renbo: "W-Why do you want to leave--" She's gonna hug he r s e lf and cry more. 'Wasn't I a good mother? I gave you everything-" thecyberflame: "You're the best Mama- I don't want to leave you-!" "I want you to come with- I.. Is that okay?" K_Renbo: "You want to leave our home, our everything-- F-For some random-" Ah, but. Hamon's going to curiously snap some of these vines, causing her to flinch and spin her head around to glare at him. thecyberflame: He'll look up at her and then over to him,, K_Renbo: ... He'll look her over for a second, then turn to the boy. "... She isn't real." thecyberflame: He- He'll blink Also Mother Knows Best feels fitting to this fake,, K_Renbo: hhhhhhhh y es,,, very fitting,,, thecyberflame: Crying in the club,,Gotta listen to it now K_Renbo: Waving off her how dare you type yells, he'll break a few more vines to demonstrate the pain that hits her. thecyberflame: See, logically, that makes sense. His brain isn't really a place for logic right now and he's gonna grab her hands and ask if she's okay,, K_Renbo: She's just going to cry, and use this as proof of how awful he is and please don't go He'll sigh a bit, though. "The gallery made her to trick you, Hotaka. It tried to do the same kind of thing to me." thecyberflame: He- He's very confused and those tears are back. "Wh- What are you talking about?" K_Renbo: ... He'll come over and grab her arm. She'll fight, of course, but all he's looking for is to snatch her knife and slice her arm a bit. show off how not right it looks. thecyberflame: Hhhh y eah he sees how not right that is and it’s not matching what’s supposed to be there in his head and that’s not,, cool. He’s gonna try to hold his head,, if he can move his arms that much K_Renbo: he probably can, she's a little busy trying to get him away from her. definitely screaming too, so have fun with that thecyberflame: HhhhhhhH this is not fun and he feels like he’s gonna be sick His head is also splitting and it’s,, not fun K_Renbo: Would it help if he plops a hand over his mouth? cuz her noises aren't doin great for his head either but also if you want a ref for how real blood looks that hand's got a good amount on it now, from trying to hold shut that stab wound, that's definitely going to bite him in the butt sooner or later thecyberflame: Yeeaaaah you know what he is gonna be sick and thats gonna be real fun cause he has nothing on his stomach K_Renbo: sorry son thecyberflame: Aww calling him son K_Renbo: <3 do you believe him well enough though? can he get this woman away and can we leave? thecyberflame: Whooo knows,, His brain is shit so you’re just better off doing what ya gotta do K_Renbo: Well, that works for him. Cue a little fighting montage with her I guess, but he'd prefer to win, and that's all that matters thecyberflame: Believe in that rat so much,, K_Renbo:  .... He'll go over to pick the boy up. thecyberflame: Sorry if he looks very spacey and just,, out of it. His brain is,, so so stupid and is just kinda shutting in on itself,, It’s fine K_Renbo: That happens. He'll just hold you and work on getting out despite his body being pretty upset now. May have to sit for a minute somewhere? but she seemed like the biggest threat, so that's probably fine to do now Congrats though, you'd get to sit in his lap thecyberflame: Mm... He’ll look at Hamon’s stomach and really without even thinking or realizing why, he’ll lift his arm to Hamon’s mouth K_Renbo: Ah- He'll blink at him?... A hand will go up to nudge his arm back down, shaking his head. thecyberflame: He’ll push it towards him more K_Renbo: Sighs. "You're much worse off than me, schlange." thecyberflame: “...You’re hurt-“ K_Renbo: "And you?" thecyberflame: “...” He’ll push his arm to him more K_Renbo: He'll just shut his eyes and lean his head back. thecyberflame: Mm... He’ll move his sleeve a bit to show one of those wounds from the vines and work it closer. “.. Please?” K_Renbo: He'll open them again, and look him over. Maybe his brows will furrow a little bit.. thecyberflame: “Please..” K_Renbo: ... He'll just kind of bring his hand to your head, and nudge it down into his shoulder with some light pats. thecyberflame: Oh... He’ll lean down into that K_Renbo: His chest will just do a large up and down thecyberflame: He’ll look up at him K_Renbo: He'd shut his eyes again briefly, but when they open again he'd just look across to the other wall.  "... How are you holding up?" thecyberflame: Is a nod an answer? Cause it’s the one he’ll give as he stares off into space K_Renbo: That's fine. He'll pat a little more. thecyberflame: “..We’re family..?” K_Renbo: ... A short nod. thecyberflame: “Okay..” K_Renbo: ... thecyberflame: He’s sorry he’s so,, This K_Renbo: no, he's fine thecyberflame: Is he though,,Sure you don’t wanna just leave him here? K_Renbo: Eh, thought about it, but nah~ He may... almost fall asleep for a moment, though. But, catching himself, he'll shake his head and try to push himself back up. A little sway maybe, possiblyalightbumpintowalls, but they'll get going again thecyberflame: A little hand might come up to cling to your shirt on those bumps but it’s gonna stay there,, K_Renbo: Sorry if they spooked you~ Should be fine after one or two, though. Forthemostpart,atleast thecyberflame: Mm it’s fine,,, He’ll keep his head leaned against his shoulder K_Renbo: Heee's just gonna do his best to get you out safely now. Just rest up and ignore whatever little obstacles try to pop up Despite their efforts, he's getting you home.. thecyberflame: Okay,, He’ll probably pass out at some point,, But aww Hamon you love your son K_Renbo: mmmmmmmmmmhm, he's just gonna pass out once he finally gets back to his couch thecyberflame: Mhm of course,,Let the boy crash next to you K_Renbo: that's fine with him, have fun boy,,,    

[wodenscild]

The series i was watching is called Insane craft and i watch SSundee's pov cause he's the "villain" of the group! It's a very modded Minecraft series with all kinds of new stuff, i think there's like over 80 mods atleast?? The mod was made specifically for thier series and the developer keeps adding new mods to it but it's quite easy to catch up.

If you want to watch it (Wich i greatly encourage you to do its quite underrated) Some good and interesting povs are:

SSundee, if you want to watch the overpowered villain that is getting manipulated by the evil tentacle creature

Henwy, who's kinda like jimmy a little bullied, constantly working on things like his castle, dragons, cool armour and weapons

Sigils, the mad scientist of the group. Kinda like doc but less uncle energy and modded machines instead. He even automated a thing to get infinite infinity stones (yes infinity gauntlet is a thing in insane craft)

Biffle, the one who doesn't have the slightest idea of what's going on, but still tries his best to be the most powerful one (I'm pretty sure he's second place in "who's the most powerful")

I would also recommend Nicovald but he quit, so others are Frostdaye (i think..?) And the other admins. But i barely see them so i can't remember their channels

Mhm that was a long long list that you might not even do anything with but that doesn't matter cause i like rambling about insane craft :D it is also seen as season two of crazy craft and sky factory, which had the same people but different mods!

Also thanks for letting me just talk about whatever to you it's really nice and has really made my mood go skyrocket

Less nice thing you might not want to read: I'm in the car to my grandpa, and it might be the last time i will see him. He got sick in his brain and maybe won't remember me. I don't know why I'm not sad, Maybe cause death is a normal thing in my brain and i don't really cry when someone or something dies. Mh, maybe

Anyway i will see you later! Or not, i will uhh send ask later. Also hope you had a good sleep! It's probably late midday for you but i forgot to ask-

-Mystery anon 1

OMGS SSUNDEE I HAVE NOT WATCHED HIM IN AGES- I used to watch his crazy craft & troll craft series with Mr. Crainer, but I stopped watching them for some reason & never got back to it. It was so much fun tho so I might watch some tonight :00 I really missed Ssundee 🥺🥺

Not much has been happening on my end- I have been working on my study plan for uni for this trimester as we start next week :D & omgs it is gonna be so easy. The only iffy subject is going to psychology, but only just slightly- >:3 My results for last trimester has been rolling in too!! Credit for psychology, distinction for linguistics, & a high distinction for sociology :D BTW WEEK 6 OF SOCIOLOGY THIS TRIMESTER IS GONNA BE ABOUT GENDER & SEXUALITY & I AM SO FEKKING HYPED MATIE YOU HAVE NO SLFKSKDKSK

Last night myself & my irl-friends to be were on call so I wasn’t able to reply to this ask but we have a tonne of fun! I just realised but that my roomie lives on like the 19th floor of an apartment building & I get bad vertigo by being on the second floor of a shopping centre O_o imma just… not look out the windows LMAOOOOO the plane flight is gonna suck but cos it is 15 hours t-t

& btw, OFC I LLVE YOU RAMBLING SO SO MUCH PLEASE KEEP DOING IT IF YOU WANT!!!! You are great 🥺 & o love hearing what is going on in your life <33

& I- gods I am sorry. That must be heartbreaking to see :( & to hear. My condolences beloved 🫂I don’t know what to say-

I hope you are having a good sleep but- I’ll see you later <33

[ts-autumns-world]

Episode 7: “Bottoms deserve rights!” - Jinx

MERGE MY BELOVED <3 LOOK AT ME NOT GETTING VOTED OUT, LOVE TO SEE IT

---

This challenge is cool but I feel like we just totally got played

All four of the original Llih tribe members are all together here, this might've been the plan all along to vote for us and save Mikki and Raffy

Either way it rules and if that was the big mind game from everyone then props to them! They did good

hey y’all it’s grey! long time no see i know. let’s get caught up, shall we? so last time i saw y’all i was at the outhouse and girlllll lemme tell you some shit went down since then. so benj gets super idoled out, and i’m shook as fuck. sad to see him go but AT LEAST it wasn’t chris. so i get back to camp and they give us a reward challenge and i’m not able to do it bc i have to work, so they finish the challenge and i’m sure we’re about to have an immunity challenge bc duh merge at 11, but NOOOOO of course autumn dumps this NASTY ass twist and i have to go to this ugly ass tribe with people i DONT FUCKING KNOW. literally by myself with two ppl from one tribe and two people from another. i was like “oh lord this is it for me.” but immediately joey and lily c are like “we don’t want vote you” and i’m like “oh wig” and it’s a glorious day except not bc i don’t really get to have a say in the vote, they just vote blake out which isn’t a problem in my eyes, to be honest, i kept hearing he was messy so BYE BYE BLAKEY. and finally FINALLY we make it to the merge and i have NEVER been happier to be back with my og tua babes, i missed jude and jinx SO MUCH and i finally finally get to talk to monty and captain. <3 #crey. first night in merge and i’m already getting into a showmance. except it’s kind of a fauxmance bc we haven’t even spoken to each other LMFAOOOOOO. we just flirt in the hill house. omg. hill house and chill? LOL. anyway yeah i’m hoping i can convince these ppl to give monty immunity so we don’t have to worry about anyone else slipping away with it, bc i want as many options open as possible for this next tribal. i’m still upset that i didn’t get anything from the outhouse but oh well, we going into merge raw. i have to touch base with monty so see where his head is at but i’m pretty sure it’s unspoken that we’re gonna work together. so i have three paths. i could stick with og tua 4, i couid go with monty and be a slightly sneaky pair, or i could play the reverse psychology become a showmance w captain angle. i guess we’ll have two see how this vote plays out. i don’t want to get too comfortable bc that’s when things go wrong but yes. hopefully it all works out. <3 until next time, Grey.

WOOHOO I’M VULNERABLE AND I DIDN’T GET THE ADVANTAGE CAUSE IM AN IDIOT WOOHOO

---

What I want to try and do is not overly push, I know i’m going to get votes (RIP perfect game), but I want to make sure it isn’t me going and now we just hope and pray to the Survivor Gods that Lily O working 9 to 5 doesn’t give us a chance to parton her for being slightly inactive

first of all lemme say its a shame raffy ended up immune but i figure thats just happening for the sake of shaking it up

but second i have to say. i am LOVING mikki's energy holy shit. i feel just like an instant connection and i think its a crime on autumn's part that we never ended up together until now. both last night and tonight we've had big lengthy dm convos and it just feels so relaxing to talk to her. forget joey she's my new FTC buddy <3

https://voca.ro/1acJjlqdL2d0 this cone makes no sense I apologise sahjashjas

Joey rushing to make alliances and all is so funny to me; he had one made with me/Mikki although Im not too sure how reliable it is given what he is doing. Nevertheless for the challenge, my biggest concern was that we make it obvious we're all together and it makes it easier for them to target us and sure enough it seems like we did that. On one end, I would've liked to found a way to not get targeted but at the same time, I think it makes it fun. Plus, we saved Raffy in the process and if I have to make it clear they wanted Raffy out then so be. Anyways, welcome to Autumn's World

Being in the bottom for the trust rankings sucked. Being selected as the one to win immunity was great. I'm sure Chris and Captain had a hand in making sure I was the one immune. It makes sure people have a tough decision ahead of them since I definitely would have been the easy vote this round. Right now, Captain, Chris, and Mikki all seem keen on working with me in the long-term. So, I am going to stay loyal to those three as best I can. Hopefully, they can talk to each other and become an alliance with me. Let's see how this vote goes!

Would you say I’m worried? Yes, I would. Would you say I’m freaking out? Ummm, yeah, yeah we are getting there. Mhm. Yep. Cool. Cool.

Do I know what I’m doing? No. No clue. 

https://youtu.be/mhv4MYZb8Bg

---

https://youtu.be/hfmcnsium88

https://youtu.be/5RYhpy1UGXg

---

this vote they tried it with raffy and you know what we said?

yall wanna target a bottom? target ur own white ppl. spits.

bottoms deserve rights!

This vote’s looking more split than my mother’s first divorce

It's Sad World for me. Sigh. I'm doing what I can and I'm not giving up no matter how stressed I get. I botched getting the advantage. I feel heartbroken but I won't give up. It ain't looking good from here tho, fam. 

I have zero idea what anyone is doing, as fun as this tribe is we have such bad communication lmfao

I think it's between Lily C and Jude, that seems to be the common consensus, but. Do I just go Lily C to put myself in good standings with everyone? Or do I stick with my guts and vote Jude to try and sway it a bit? It's... a difficult decision but I really dont wanna put too much thought into it

https://photos.app.goo.gl/zdtx21a6WWsqXjJUA

https://youtu.be/fF5V3zgLpvY

https://youtu.be/59BrcOfTK0k

https://youtu.be/dp_vFeibhjo

https://youtu.be/qfTWZ4G2EUc

---

For Lily C: https://youtu.be/C79yZd-NjBU