#I am quite enjoying this theory Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[cruel-as-sin]

baby, am i your little secret? | logan howlett

pt. 1

↳ summary: well, logan did promise you he’d come again… but this time, you bring him home, and he’s going to take care of you

word count: 3.2k

song: older | isabel larosa

pairings: old man!logan x fem!stripper!reader

content warnings: 18+ content (MDNI), smut, porn w/ very light plot, prostitution/strip clubs, age gap (readers age is unspecified but she is an adult), lingerie mentioned, size difference, oral (f!recieving), protected p in v, multiple orgasms (reader), praise kink, gentle sex, pet names (sweetheart, baby), aftercare, a little bit of fluff at the end, readers roommate makes a brief appearance, no use of y/n, mention/implication of a gun, the glasses still stay on, practice safe sex everyone (lmk if i missed anything!)

↳ a/n: woah i was not planning on writing a second part or expecting the first one to get as much love as it got… thank you so much to everyone who liked, commented, and reblogged! i’ll probably write at least one more part to this at some point but for now, enjoy!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Logan tried to tell himself he shouldn’t go back, he really did.

He’s no good for people like you- sweet, gentle things. He’s no good for anyone.

But despite all the things he tells himself, he still ends up across the street from that damned club, feet carrying him against his better judgement, right up to your door.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

It’s been a little over three weeks since the best fuck you’ve ever had stepped through your door.

You wondered if he really did plan on coming back. Maybe he was just offering a next time to be polite? But every time you remember the way he looked at you, his promise to return, the words he whispered in your ear, you disregard that theory.

He’s coming back- you know it. You just don’t know when.

Your ears perk up when you hear the bell, as they have every time it’s rung since you last saw him- but it’s not him. It never is, and the little ding that used to bring you hope now feels like it’s just taunting you.

So you continue on with your work, trying to forget about him, until that one fateful night when he finally shows.

It’s ten minutes before close when he comes in, a wary gaze searching the room behind those same cheap glasses. His eyes land on you, and you’re approaching him before you even process it, his mere presence magnetic.

“Hey, sweetheart.” He says as you walk over.

“Hi.” You reach out and put a hand on his arm. “Coming back for more, hm?”

“You left quite an impression.” The corner of his mouth turns up in a smirk. “Can I have another night with you, pretty girl?”

You glance at the clock. Shit. Barely enough time for a dance- maybe. Or…

“Not here.”

His brow furrows in confusion, and you continue.

“This is very unprofessional of me.” You say in a soft, shameful tone that you know makes even the strongest men helpless. “But… I want to take you home.”

Despite the doe eyes you’re giving him, you do mean it- more than you’re letting on. Something feels special about him, like he’s more than just a customer passing through.

But you keep your cards close to your chest as you wait with baited breath for him to accept or decline your offer.

“Alright, pretty girl.” He says with a faint smile. “Lead the way.”

You finish closing up for the night, grabbing your clothes and throwing them on over your work outfit to protect you from the cold. He lingers there as you go, trying to ignore the curious glances from your coworkers.

“If we’re gonna do this, though, I’m gonna need to know your name.” You say casually, glancing back at him.

He contemplates for a moment, seeming to almost say something else before the word leaves his lips. “Logan.” Despite his near misstep, you believe him.

“Logan.” You repeat the name, then give him yours. When he says it back to you, you love the way it rolls off his tongue.

“You sure you’re alright going home with a stranger?” You tease.

“You’re no stranger, sweetheart.” His words make you smile, and you bring him out the back door to your car, a cautious eye on the parking lot as you do.

It’s not Logan you’re worried about. No, if that were the case, you wouldn’t have even considered bringing him home. It’s the others that frequent the establishment, your regulars who get a little too handsy, the extra bold ones that like to linger by the exit long after you close. But none of them are here tonight- it’s just you and him.

The drive back to your apartment is quiet, the silence broken only by the occasional small chatter. When you arrive, you take the elevator up to your floor, pulling out your keys.

You fumble with your keys when you reach the door that signifies you and your roommate’s shared living space, eventually managing to get the door open. “Shoes go right there.” You gesture to a shoe rack next to the entryway, kicking off your own shoes as you struggle to pull the key out of the lock. You hang up your keys and watch him put up his blazer before you finally shut the door behind you.

He’s on you the moment the door closes, but you halt him with a gentle press against his chest. “Hang on. I need to tell my roommate that I’m gonna be busy.” You make sure he sees the glint in your eyes as you walk down the hall, opening the door to your room first.

He steps inside, his eyes roaming around before falling back on you. “Don’t keep me waitin’ too long, sweetheart.”

“I’ll just be a second.” You say with a smile, pulling the door closed before heading across the hall and knocking on your roommate’s door.

After a moment, you hear a brief “Yeah?” from the other side.

You open the door just a crack, poking your head in. Cas, your roommate, pauses the game on their computer and pulls their headphones off, spinning around in their chair to talk to you. “Oh, hey. What’s up?”

“I’m just letting you know I have company.” You say casually. “So I might be busy for the rest of the night.”

“Oh, yeah, mhm.” Cas says, pretending to be surprised by this revelation. “Is this normal company, or ‘I cover my ears and pray to god my noise cancelling headphones work while someone fucks your brains out’ company?”

You roll your eyes. “Hey, who said I was the one getting my brains fucked out instead of the other way around?”

To that, they just raise an eyebrow, as if to say really?

“Whatever.” You say, unable to hide the smile forming on your face.

“Mhm.” It’s more drawn out this time, punctuated by a tiny knowing smile. “Is this company of yours spending the night?”

“Hopefully. I don’t know.” You say with a shrug. “If you see a stranger in the kitchen, don’t shoot him.” Your tone is lighthearted, but you do mean it- you know Cas gets nervous around intruders, and your gaze flickers just briefly to the locked safe in the corner.

They nod. “No shooting your newest boytoy. Got it.”

You let out an exasperated huff, beginning to pull the door closed. “Goodnight, Cas.”

“Night!” They call after you. “And remember, be safe-”

You close the door before they get to finish, laughing softly to yourself before returning to your own room.

You step inside, finding Logan sitting on the edge of your bed, illuminated by the soft light of the lamp on your nightstand. He stands when he sees you, walking over to you as you close the door.

“Hey.” You say softly, looking up at him, taking in his face.

To see a man, even an attractive one, at work is one thing. But here, in your home, your sanctuary, it feels different. Almost… open. Vulnerable. You find yourself noticing details you hadn’t picked up on before- the lines of his face, the way his hardened demeanor seems to become just a little gentler every time he looks at you.

"Hey." He replies in a quiet tone. Even now, outside of your domain, he looks for your guidance, waits for you to take the lead.

You lean in to kiss him- softer, gentler, slower than the last time, savoring the taste of whiskey on his tongue. Your hands trail up his chest, to the collar of his shirt, the edges of his tie. You begin to undo it, pulling apart the knot before his hands come up to grasp yours, stopping you halfway through.

He breaks the kiss to murmur in your ear. “I’m takin’ care of you tonight.”

Your breath hitches in your throat at the suggestion. “You don’t have to-” You finish undoing his tie, pulling it away and letting it fall to the floor.

“I want to.” He cuts you off, his tone firm, leaving no room for misinterpretation. “Please.” His voice lowers. “Let me take care of you, sweetheart.”

You meet his gaze for a moment, a little stunned to see that he truly does want to make you feel good. You suppose you shouldn’t be surprised- it’s Logan, after all- but still, after most of the men you meet treating your pleasure as an afterthought, the idea alone that he wants tonight to be about you has arousal soaking through your panties.

Nodding, you lower your hands from his collar. “Okay.” You say softly.

He kisses you again, arms wrapping around you and lifting you up. Your legs lock around his waist as he carries you over to the bed, your tongue sliding across his own. He breaks the kiss for a moment to pull your shirt over your head, tossing it aside before his mouth meets yours once more.

He lays you down on the bed, his hands moving to your back, undoing the clasp of your bra and pulling it off of you. He kisses a path down your jaw, your neck, your collarbone, lips trailing down to your chest. He alternates between sucking on your nipples and kneading your breasts in his hands, causing you to throw your head back with a soft moan.

He kisses down your chest, large hands spreading your thighs open as he pulls your pants down. He nips at your thighs, earning a surprised gasp. He slowly pulls your lingerie aside, revealing your soaking cunt. He inhales slowly, trying to collect himself as he pulls your underwear the rest of the way off and out of his way.

He pushes his glasses up just a little before he leans in and licks a long stripe up your cunt. He groans against your pussy, sending vibrations shooting up through your core.

"Taste so sweet." He mumbles against you before diving in.

His tongue works magic- and you were right, his beard does feel heavenly against your thighs.

And oh, he takes his time with you. He takes his sweet, sweet fucking time with you.

You don't know how long it's been, nor do you think you care. You’re on cloud nine, feeling too good to even care about your orgasm while simultaneously needing it more than you’ve ever needed anything. Logan knows just how to please you, his tongue delving into your folds, worshipping you.

“Logan,” you eventually manage to whine, “Please.”

You meet his eyes, and he pulls away just enough to answer you. “You need me to make you cum, sweetheart?”

You nod frantically, and that’s all the signal he needs. He dives back in, zeroing in on your clit and sucking in a way that has your peak rapidly approaching within seconds.

You unravel, not even bothering to try to quiet your moans (you're pretty sure it would be futile, anyway). Your eyes squeeze shut, wave after wave of pleasure crashing over you, flooding through every part of your body as you reach your high. He keeps his mouth on you the whole time, riding out your orgasm until you begin to come down. His hands rest on your thighs, his steady grip grounding you, keeping your entire being from being washed away by the seemingly unending bliss.

When you can finally breathe again, you open your eyes to find him raising his head, his eyes meeting your own.

“Holy fuck.” You breathe, letting out a small laugh.

The corner of his mouth twitches up in a smirk. “Yeah?”

His beard glistens with your slick, and the sight makes you sit up a little, getting a hand on the back of his neck and pulling him up towards you. You kiss him hungrily, tasting yourself on his tongue, once again reaching for the collar of his shirt. You unbutton it fully this time, eager to feel his muscular chest and disappointed to find an undershirt beneath.

He pulls away from the kiss. “Let me.” He takes off his shirt, letting you run your hands up and down his torso as he unbuckles his belt, pulling his pants and boxers down in one smooth motion. You feel your pussy clenching at the sight of his cock, hard and aching for you.

You sit up a little further, wanting to return the favor, but he gently pushes you back down. “Another time, sweetheart.” He says in response to the pout on your face, pulling a condom out of his back pocket before pushing his pants off the bed. “I said I’d take care of you, remember?”

You watch as he rolls on the condom, mesmerized by the sight of his veiny hands wrapping around his thick cock. “I’m pretty sure you just did.” You protest, any further arguments cut off by a whine as he brushes his tip against your folds.

He chuckles, leaning down to whisper in your ear. “Oh, I’m just getting started.”

He pushes into you slowly, moving inch by inch until he’s filling you completely. He starts to move, pulling most of the way out before thrusting back in, setting a slow but powerful rhythm that has high pitched whines leaving your lips within moments.

“Christ, you’re fuckin’ desperate.” He says, eyes locked on the place where your bodies meet. “Look at you, just suckin’ me in. You like that, huh? You like being filled up by my cock?”

You’re too cock drunk to manage anything other than a “uh-huh” that turns to a whine as he thrusts harder.

“You’re doin’ so good, taking me so well.” He praises, leaning down to press his lips to yours.

He continues to murmur in your ear, your moans and his words a sweet chorus of bliss. You feel his hand slip between your thighs and rub at your clit, and your second orgasm hits you hard and fast with a scream of his name. Your vision goes white, the feeling of him thrusting sharply into all the right places taking over all your senses. You can faintly hear him talking you through it, his voice ragged as he approaches his own orgasm.

“Good girl, that’s it; good fuckin’ girl.” His voice is low in your ear, his breath stuttering as he cums with a loud groan, thrusting through both your peaks, your name leaving his lips.

You feel almost like you’re floating, the pleasure nearing the line of overwhelming. You're only brought back down by the feeling of him slipping out of you, the gentle kisses he leaves along your face- but even then, you don’t open your eyes, still trying to breathe as your pussy pulses with the aftershocks of your orgasm.

You hear him get up, hear his footsteps fading away, the bedroom door closing behind him. A pang of hurt goes through you- you didn’t think he’d be the type to just leave. You can’t bring yourself to get up, too exhausted to move, so you just lay there, beginning to drift off. Then you feel a pair of strong arms wrapping around you, lifting you up against his chest and carrying you down the hallway.

You stir, looking up to find Logan half dressed, in only his undershirt and pants. His eyes meet yours, a faint smile forming on his face.

You want to ask where he’s taking you, but your question is quickly answered when he pushes open the door to the bathroom. He gently sets you down in the tub, the warm water enveloping you and making you even sleepier.

“You want me to help you clean up, or would you prefer to do it yourself?” His tone is gentle but firm, making it clear that your well-being is not up for negotiation.

“I can do it.” You force your limbs to move, reaching for a washcloth.

He nods. “I’ll be back in a bit, alright?”

You don’t question where he’s going, solely focused on the task at hand, lest the heaviness in your eyes claim you before you’re finished.

By the time he returns, you’ve cleaned yourself up and wrapped a towel around your waist, feeling at least a little more awake. He gives a gentle knock at the door, and when you murmur a soft, “Come in,” he enters.

His expression turns to one of slight concern when he sees you. You are, admittedly, leaning on the counter for support- it’s not your fault your legs feel like jelly.

You don’t have to ask; you barely even have to look his way before he’s scooping you into his arms again, taking you back to your room. For a moment you wonder how he knew no one would be in the hallway, but you’re too worn out to care.

The soft feeling of your sheets has you practically melting into your bed when he lays you down. You’re almost out the moment your head hits the pillow, but Logan’s voice keeps you awake.

“Here.”

He holds out a glass of ice water and a string cheese.

“Figured you didn’t want to eat much this late, but I thought I’d get you something.”

The action is simple, but sweet. You reach out, taking both items from him and sipping the water as you tear open the string cheese. He lingers near the bed as you finish them both off, a careful gaze trained on you, ensuring you’re okay.

When you’re done, he takes the empty cup and wrapper from you, throwing the wrapper in the trash and setting the glass on your nightstand. At your request, he heads over to your dresser, and you direct him to a plainer pair of underwear, a comfy tank top, and your favorite pair of sleep shorts. He brings them over, taking the towel and folding it over the top of your desk chair as you change into your PJs.

You crawl under your covers, curling up in preparation for the rest your body desperately craves. Logan approaches the bed, smiling to himself as you mumble something half-coherent- a goodnight of some sort, at least, that was your intention. He pulls up the edge of your covers, leaning down to press a soft kiss to your forehead before he retreats again.

His voice has a softer edge to it when he steps away, turning out your lamp as he goes. “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

“Where are you going?” You murmur, already half asleep, eyes lidded, but still reaching for him.

His brow furrows slightly. “Goin’ home. Figured you didn’t want-”

“Do you want to leave?” You ask, sitting up slightly. Your eyes can be heavy all they like, but you’ll be damned if you let him just walk away again.

He hesitates, lips caught in the beginnings of a no before he corrects himself. “I don’t want to intrude-”

You shush him. “None of that. C’mere.”

He protests no further, rising from where he’d leaned down to pick up the rest of his discarded clothes. He makes his way over to the bed, ditching his work pants in favor of just his boxers before cautiously settling in beside you.

You find yourself drawn to him, hesitantly reaching out and placing a hand on his arm. When he turns to you, you scoot a little closer. After a moment, he shifts to face you, allowing you to nestle yourself within his arms. He pulls you close, his body warm against your skin, his arms wrapping tightly around you. His breath hits your neck, and you close your eyes, letting the smell of smoke and aftershave lull you to sleep.

tags: @atleastpleasetelephone @namikyento @gewrgia-black @r0ttedcherubim

[seandiazworms]

sean diaz + lyla park friendship headcanons

- lyla fit the manic pixie dream girl trope when she and sean first started being friends. she practically introduced him to a lot of good music, weed, parties, anything u could possibly think of. sean definitely put her on a pedestal in the beginnings of their friendship

- sean and lyla go back and forth with racist jokes

- whenever sean and lyla explore abandoned buildings and sean has to climb a wall/gate its like a competition to see who says something first ☠️

- “is it because im korean?”

- “yes” sean says with NO HESITATION

- lyla just stares with a blank smile LMAO

- when actual racist people come after either of them though they go batshit crazy and spew insults (lyla that is)

- bc lyla has insomnia, she will call sean at like three am and just start rambling 😭 sean will try to respond but he just mumbles in response and falls asleep within ten minutes

- she screams at him and he always flinches awake in fear LMAO she thinks its soooo funny but he hates it

- sean and lyla be gossipinggg together

- lyla has way more connections so its usually just her telling sean abt drama at school but hes so invested every single time 😭

- theyll be gossiping abt a certain person/couple and see them the next day. sean not so inconspicuously starts smirking and making faces. lyla always hits him to make him stop

- at parties sean will awkwardly linger behind lyla and shell tell him to go away bc “hes scaring the hoes”

- he in fact does not go away and just stands behind her looking slightly more tense

- sean is more of a lightweight than lyla is and she uses this to her advantage at every function. the amount of “blackmail material” she’s accumulated…

- both virgins who make fun of each other for being virgins

- super music nerds!! they go to local shows together once lyla introduces sean to the local music scene ^^

- lyla finna be in the pit… whereas sean likes to stand on the sidelines

- when lyla and sean sesh w each other sean can get paranoid sometimes. lyla thinks its hilarious when he starts freaking out about random conspiracy theories or how hard hes breathing 😭

- “the… the fucking babies man… we gotta save them…”

- “sean stop tweaking the fuck out and just enjoy the high please”

- “but lyla the babies…?“ sean whines

- “…god these chili dogs are good….”

- when sean visits lyla at work she always gives him a free drink. she has yet to get caught

- lyla expects the same treatment when she goes into the grocery store sean works at 😭

- “lyla you can’t just take the cabbage—“

- “i literally made you that mocha for free?”

- people call sean “lyla’s twink” because he talks to no girls and is always getting out of the passenger seat of her car??? LMAOOO. lyla eggs this on because she thinks its the funniest thing ever. sean absolutely hates it

- sean does not know how to social media and relies on lyla to make him look hot in her instagram stories. she’d probably post a picture of his face all scuffed up from skating to make him look hardcore LMAO

- car seat headrest lovers. they are so twin fantasy coded… they would love that album. they have that slight dependency “us against the world” vibe with exception to the abusive parts… 😭

- they also love mid90s and their friend group is quite literally that movie minus the random ten year old boy

- lyla tries to recruit daniel as the random ten year old but sean refuses because daniel is embarrassing to him LMAO

- matching stick poke tattoos??? which sean reluctantly agrees to

- lowkey lyla prob has a geek bar and sean thinks it’s the stupidest thing ever. daniel plays with the screen LMAO

- their after school routine consists of skating and being dudebros forever and ever. and ever and nothing bad happens. ever

also old but im cleaning out my notes app and thought i should share it lol. i love love sean and lyla sm thank u for the latino and asian girl duo rep life is strange!!!

[caffeineaddictedturtle]

Deus ex Machina II.

idol!Minho× afab!Reader genre: angst, slice of life, fluff, established relationship warning(s): honestly mino is a W in this one; still sad, but minho makes it better; no beta we die like man an: i explain it here (btw I wrote this when i was struggling to write:) )

You woke up with an empty space behind you, which made you sad: last night made you forget that he is staying home for a couple of days. You stayed in bed, stretching, not feeling like getting up; your eyelids feel heavy and puffy from last night. Still feeling that heaviness in your chest, and the gray weather didn’t help with that. While you were deep in thoughts, you didn’t hear the door opening. “Y/N, are you awake?” you looked in the direction of the voice, it was your boyfriend carrying a tray in his hands. “Good morning love, I am sorry about last night” You felt like you wanted to disappear from everything, and everyone. Lino put the tray down to your bedside table, and crawled under the blanket to cuddle you, patting your back to make you calm down and forget your dark thoughts.

The two of you just stay like that, intertwined and silent, until he moves to take the tray out he brought in: breakfast he made for you with grilled cheese, and cut up some veggies next to it, for dessert he made you a fruit salad with your favourite fruits. “We need to share it though, I can’t eat all of this” you looked with your knowing all look: that he was hoping to fatten you up, although it is all futile, because both of you know that you hate eating all alone. He sighed, and started eating with you; he didn’t say a word, but he doesn’t have to: the two of your relationship constructs of mostly silence, and glances. None of you complained about it, quite on the contrary, both of you enjoyed it… oh, to have a place to call home and just be, not needing unnecessary little talks, or trying to talk awkwardly to fill the silence. With Minho, you learned to love the quiet, the wordless nights, to not be afraid of your own thoughts so much that you couldn’t shut the hell up. So many of your relationships consisted of just useless talks, desperately trying to grasp to sound. This didn’t mean that if one of you started rambling, the other didn’t devote their full attention to it. He loved to listen to your stories about your day or your thoughts, theories about your current shows or books. Just how you loved when he talked about the guys, new music, fan interaction, or some random stray cat he has seen and tried to stop himself from bringing it home.

God, you love this man is what you were thinking about while nibbling on your grilled cheese, not noticing how you haven’t been thinking about lowly of yourself. Instead, the positive things about your relationship or your boyfriend, which is what Lee Know exactly wanted: not single negative thoughts, at least for a while. He knows you don’t necessarily ponder in your own personal hell, only when you overwork yourself and start to burn out. He also knows what is the best way of solving it: feeding you, cuddling in silence then watching a show or movie you both like, and after he texted the boys that he will be busy today, he plans to do exactly that.

masterlist ║request something ║part 1

[im-this-kind-of-girl]

Aziraphale and Crowley's unhinged character analyzis (pt2. Crowley)

Controversial opinion:

Aziraphale and Crowley at the end of Season2 managed to accomplish the main goal they each had since the beginning of time. Only to realize that what they wanted no longer made them happy.

Disclaimer: I have no idea about what is going to happen in Good Omens. This analysis could clearly be considered a theory since I'm not Neil Gaiman, but as someone who knows about narrative and character structure, I'm going to elaborate. Also, English is not my first language, so sorry in advance.

I've already talked about Aziraphale's possible transformation arc in the Good Omens story. In here I've also written important definitions such as what's a transformation arc. I highly recommend it to read it first.

Now it's time to talk about Crowley.

Crowley, the co-protagonist and love interest.

In our role as audience, Crowley is the character with whom one tends to empathize the quickest. By the end of the second season, most would be tempted to think Crowley was right. However, this is a lie. Not only is Crowley not right, but he rejected Aziraphale just the same, choosing his principles over love.

Now, why in the first instance do we not see it that way? Well, because we have Aziraphale's point of view. We always get the angel's reaction first, we always see the way Crowley shows up again and again and again to rescue him unconditionally.

Very rarely do we have a moment where Crowley is alone in crisis because his beliefs are challenged. No, everything he does is in function of Aziraphale and we see the story from his perspective, that is, from the perspective of someone who is in love with Crowley. Because of this, Crowley is equally liked and attractive to everyone equally: we are inside Aziraphale's in love POV.

By the time Crowley proposes Aziraphale to run away together, we as the audience are seeing a proposal that is incredibly tempting to us: we want Aziraphale to accept it because it's what Aziraphale really wants. That's why the fight hurts so much, because we know internally that the two of them had the chance to be together but didn't because they're not ready yet.

Crowley's Objective

Crowley, unlike Aziraphale, was happy in Season 2 with his current situation. Having cut ties with both Heaven and Hell pleased him, because Crowley always sought only one goal throughout his entire life: freedom.

The one thing Crowley has always desired is to be himself with no excuses and no strings attached.

Since before the beginning of time, Crowley came to the conclusion that he didn't fit in Heaven. He thought he would fit in Hell, but soon realized that it was like a deteriorated version of Heaven, so he didn't fit in there either. On Earth he doesn't quite fit in either. Sure, he likes humans, has a certain admiration and curiosity for them, but he still considers them a species far different from his own. He is not human and never will be, so he can't really identify with them at all. He enjoys the advantages of humanity, but he is not one of them.

The Job episode is an indicator of this, he himself says so "I am a demon who goes along with Hell as far as I can".

In this same episode, however, the major problem he has with this is also expressed. Azira tells him "that sounds lonely". The counterpart of freedom is loneliness. To be truly free, you need to have nothing and nothing to bind you. That's why Crowley is someone who is unsympathetic and even disinterested in dealing with third parties. He does not remember faces or names, he does not get significantly close to anyone because that would compromise his desire for genuine independence.

This characteristic is the only one that is present in absolutely all versions of Crowley: the book, radio drama and even in the cursed script of the movie that never was. That's why whenever he sees danger, his first reaction is to run away.

Being free he has nothing to lose… or does he?

Crowley's dilemma

Well, Crowley never fit in by being different and so he always felt somewhat an outcast. However, it wasn't long before he noticed that Aziraphale was also different.

Clearly the angel was not like the other angels in Heaven: he enjoyed Earth, he fell into temptations, he lied to other angels. Also, it is obvious that he would not fit in Hell, and while he is more empathetic to humans, he is still innocently aloof. Aziraphale has a pure goodness that Crowley admires, the goodness that made him be kind to the demon in the first place.

Moreover, no matter the time, no matter how little they knew each other, Aziraphale could always see through Crowley's evil masquerade. The demon could burn goats and murder people, and yet Aziraphale has always held a blind faith towards him. Crowley, the Serpent of Eden, who had been his entire existence told that he's doomed to be a crawling tempter, finds in the angel an unexpected possible friend who's never been afraid or bothered by him.

Crowley eventually feels they are both the same: two supernatural entities left on Earth who learned to enjoy life on their own terms. Crowley sees in Aziraphale the companionship he never thought he'd find, the friend he thought at the moment he fell he'd never have. And that feeling of companionship and admiration slowly morphed into something more until it became love.

The season finale isn't the first time Crowley has considered leaving Earth. Probably not even his fight in Season 1 was the first time he considered it. Yet he never did. He never could because, without Aziraphale, running away would doom him to a life of solitude. Free, sure, but completely alone since no one except his angelic friend could understand him.

However, I think Crowley is not aware of what he feels. Or at least, he hasn't been for a long time. I'm sure his moment of introspection about his feelings was when Nina confronted him about it. Up to this point, Crowley considered Aziraphale his best and only friend, obviously. Crowley is loyal to a fault and always thought his relationship with Aziraphale was perfect just the way it was, but suddenly someone put it into words and he realized that yes, that's what he really wants with Aziraphale.

Crowley's decision

Crowley wants his freedom. That's why he never asked Aziraphale for explanations (because at the end of the day they were just friends), that's why he never told him that he was living in his car (because he would end up depending on him), that's why he never talked about his fall (because that would be opening up too much).

The most ironic thing about the whole ending, is that just like Crowley did with Aziraphale… Aziraphale proposed to Crowley the one thing he wants more than anything: to be together, for good, but sacrificing his freedom.

Crowley is capable of doing anything for his angel, even without acknowledging that what they had was love. He's capable of driving on fire, capable of killing Gabriel, capable of walking inside a church. Of everything except one thing.

It's the one step Crowley didn't dare take. He is not a martyr like the angel, no, he is not willing to sacrifice himself to be together. So, the obvious happened: Crowley chose his freedom over Aziraphale just as Aziraphale chose Heaven over Crowley.

The end of his arc and Aziraphale.

As I said before, I don't think Crowley will have a significant change comparable to Aziraphale's. His personality and beliefs will not be changed in a momentous way, as Crowley no longer has ties to Heaven or Hell by pulling the tab on both sides.

His side is already picked: Humanity.

His biggest change is likely to be one of purpose. Crowley is no longer going to be satisfied with his freedom. And the latter is a fact: Crowley is officially free. Without Aziraphale in the equation, he no longer has anything or anyone tying him to do anything or be any other than who he truly is. Crowley can go to Alpha Centauri and never come back; he can sleep for 3,000 years; he can go around the world in the Bentley. He can do whatever he wants. This might seem ideal to the Crowley of 300 years ago, but today's Crowley is completely consumed by loneliness.

Crowley never cared about building a home or having material things because he never wanted to be tied to anything earthly for the sake of doubt. He was always aware of the destruction of the Earth.

Love is not something that can be prevented though, and in the absence of having a home, he found it in Aziraphale.

Aziraphale: trustworthy, sweet, warm, funny, a bit of bastard but always irrevocably good. Everything Crowley lost when he fell he almost automatically found back.

To this day I wonder what Crowley is going to do now that his angel is gone and the possibility of him fleeing to the stars is becoming more and more possible. It's going to depend a lot on how much time passes between seasons, but I don't think it will be much. For not only he was his anchor, no, without Aziraphale, he doesn't have someone to cause him to want to do better, he doesn't have someone to be vulnerable with, he doesn't have a goal anymore, nobody else to impress.

He isn't evil. He isn't good. And now, he is alone.

First Crowley lost the love of God and now the love of Aziraphale. And it is then that Crowley will realize that what he really wants is not to be free, but to be loved. And this desire can only be fulfilled by the love of his life, Aziraphale.

The thing is... Crowley has always wondered why.

Why falling? Why becoming the cursed Serpent? Why could he never be truly free?

At the end of his arc, he must come to the conclusion that the answer was always in front of him:

Love is the only answer he needs.

[midnight-in-town]

I remember that one panel from that boat trip of Kuroshitsuji from the twins flashbacks where one of the twins, possibly real Ciel looked quite upset or something when our Ciel was coughing and Rachel said that our Ciel can't go to the boat trip. Could it be that real Ciel was upset about how our Ciel won't be going (but I also remember that Rachel as well didn't want to go that trip & cancel it due to our ciel's sickness & I also remember how real Ciel excitedly went to the trip when it wasn't cancelled finally, so it couldn't be that he was upset about our Ciel being absent right?) so was real Ciel upset about our Ciel being absent or was he just upset because he felt like Our Ciel was being a burden and nuisance for being sick at a time like that (talking about the trip day) again? Thoughts?

Hey Anon ! Do you mean this scene ?

Well, I have an explanation, but I doubt it's what you're expecting. ;)

In my opinion, this scene is actually maybe more understandable if you consider the Munchausen by proxy theory [x][x], on top of the RCMT.

Basically, both theories emphasize that 1) real!Ciel was pathologically obsessed with our!Ciel and wanted him to "stay by his side forever", leading to 2) real!Ciel trying to control our!Ciel, maybe even going as far as to more or less poison him, so that our!Ciel would have to let his twin take care of him, becoming very thankful to him, thus furthering their bond (in real!Ciel's mind).

Want a proof that this theory is likely ? In ch138, Ciel realized, after that one month of abduction and torture, that he didn't get sick at all, despite living in terribly harsh conditions (cold, lack of food, physical and emotional abuse, etc).

And the one big element missing from that awful month compared to their peaceful days at home ? It's real!Ciel "taking care" of him, bringing him tea and food for his health.

Don't get me wrong, with the circus arc, we know that our!Ciel definitely had a weaker constitution that he inherited from Rachel. However, he was also probably chronically poisoned by his older brother on the side, which is why he definitely got better from the moment real!Ciel was not able to bring him food and beverages anymore.

Let's rewind back about that scene you were asking about from ch131, now : Rachel and our!Ciel were sick, so Vincent and real!Ciel, with Diedrich, cooked food for them.

Then later during the night, our!Ciel was couching, so real!Ciel brought him milk.

The following day, our!Ciel's fever was not that bad but his cough was terrible so Rachel forbade him to go boating -> how s w e e t ! more time and occasion for real!Ciel to "take care of his little brother", nurturing that special bond between them, because they're made to be "together forever". Except...

our!Ciel acted selflessly, as it is a great quality of his [x] [x] [x], and insisted the family went to enjoy a day outside, since Rachel was doing okay, while he spent the day with Tanaka.

TL;DR In this scene, I think real!Ciel expected Rachel to say our!Ciel wouldn't be able to go boating, since he's the one who triggered the coughing, leading him to spend the day taking care of his little brother yet again (in other words, controlling him), except that he didn't consider our!Ciel would strongly insist for the family to go without him.

I told you it might not be what you expected as an answer. :) I, for one, am quite convinced that real!Ciel had a pathological behavior since childhood, that is ten times amplified now that he's a bizarre doll.

Have a good day Anon!

[seenoversundown]

Anthophile

Sam Kiszka x Dahlia (Fem OC)

Warnings: Fluff, Slight insinuation of sexual themes, mostly just cute romantic time.

Word Count: 1.5k

Author's Note: Hehehehe this just felt right for little 'ol Sam :) I actually really enjoyed this OC too (even if it is just a brief meeting)

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Dahlia POV:

“Can I have a hint?” I ask. 

Sam just glances over at me, his hand already holding my thigh as he drives. Giving it a few squeezes and telling me, “It’s a surprise for a reason!” 

Sam decided that he was going to plan our day for Valentine’s Day this year, which is fine in theory but horrible in practice. He is a die-hard for surprises, so he’s given me not a single hint. 

“We’re almost there anyway,” he says. The wind was blowing his little loose hairs around; the weather was too lovely not to roll the windows down. “Might have to walk a little bit.” He tells me, pulling into a parking lot with a good amount of spaces still open. 

Grabbing my bag and hopping out of the car, he waits for me with his hand out, ready for me. He asks, “Are you excited yet?” 

Nodding quickly, I spit out, “Yes! I need to know what you picked.” 

“I think you’ll like it,” he tells me, tugging me closer to him so he can kiss the side of my head. 

We walk for a few minutes when I notice a little sign on the sidewalk ahead of us. No. There’s no way. 

“Wait,” I hesitate. “..Are we doing a flower arrangement class?” 

Nothing could ever stop him from the smile on his face; he quietly asks, “Am I good or what?” 

“Babe! Oh my god!” I yelp. My arms slide around him, squeezing him for a second, leaning up on my toes, and peppering his face with kisses. “How did you know?” 

“Love, you lay in bed every night watching videos about it,” he laughs. “It was more of a feat that I managed to get us a time slot.” 

I’m practically vibrating with how excited I am, nuzzling my face into him for a second, mumbling, “I love you.” 

Kissing the top of my head, he lets out, “I love you too.” 

🩷 🩷 🩷

It might seem crazy that I’m so excited about a class like this– as a gift, no less. But, when your name is Dahlia, it’s kind of hard not to fall in love with flowers in general. Some may think I’m silly for it, but I feel like I was given a niche to love. 

There are only a handful of people in each class, which is nice because the atmosphere is super relaxed. Not to mention, with all the fresh-cut flowers, it smells incredible. 

We spent a few minutes just listening to the instructor before she had us pick out whatever flowers we wanted. Naturally, I had my eyes set on some Peonies from the moment we walked in, so the second I had the chance, I was almost sprinting over to them. 

I was a little too focused on finding what I wanted that I hadn’t even glanced over at what Sam was choosing, but I made it back to our little table before he did—looking over to see him so carefully making his decisions, with a few already in hand. He looked so precious as he pulled out bigger ones to smell before making his choice. 

We had been together for a while now, but nothing about Sam had ever changed. He’s still the goofy, sweet, gorgeous boy I fell in love with. Despite the fact that he is always joking about something and that we definitely pick on each other more often than not, he is quite literally the most thoughtful man I’ve ever met. Always came home with little gifts for me or even just made sure to grab things that he knew I would want but forgot to ask for when we grocery shop. He knows me better than I know myself some days.

He finally comes back to the table, setting his little collection of flowers down. Before I could really look at everything he grabbed, the instructor started explaining how to arrange them for a simple bouquet. 

“I didn’t realize how strategic this was,” he whispers as we start rearranging our flowers. “No wonder bouquets are always expensive.” 

I chuckle to myself, carefully breaking up a little bundle of baby’s breath. Thoroughly zoning in on what I’m doing, this is as satisfying as it looks in the videos. Though, I don’t think I know a single person who wouldn’t have at least a little fun piecing together a pretty bundle of flowers. Placing them in the middle of the paper, feeling his hand slide over the small of my back. 

“That looks beautiful,” he tells me softly. 

Staring up at him, feeling my heart melt at the look in his eyes, “Thank you.” 

His bouquet was already wrapped up, realizing that I must have really been focused if I didn’t even see what he did. Before I can turn it to see, he grabs my hand. 

“It’s another surprise,” laughing as he stops me. 

My head falling back, “Babe, this is ridiculous.”

The shit-eating grin on his face was worth it, though. 

🩷 🩷 🩷

Somehow, we made it the entire way home without me being able to see what he picked out. Leave it to Sam to make sure everything today is a surprise. Thankfully he had no excuse to not show me once we got back. 

“Okay, so,” I start, setting my flowers on the counter. “Cough ‘em up, Kiszka.” 

He barks out a laugh at the name, “Okay, okay, fine.” Pulling them out from behind him, he juts his hand out towards me and in the worst British accent I’ve ever heard, “For you, m’lady.” 

Taking them from him, I turn it around to see what he’s picked and let out a small gasp. Two Dahlia are surrounded by a handful of white cosmos and some greenery; one Dahlia is white, while the other is the most vibrant shade of pink. 

“Are you serious?” I quietly let out, looking up at him. The smile on his face and the way his eyes just glanced down at the flowers and back to me. 

“Who would have guessed–” he starts, tilting my chin up to look at him. “That I’d find a girl prettier than the flower she’s named after?” Leaning in and pressing his lips into mine. 

Setting the bouquet on the counter next to mine, my arms slide around his neck, leaning my body into his. His arms wrapped around my waist, lifting me up gently. 

“Do you like them?” he asks.

Carefully moving a few loose strands of hair out of his face, I tell him, “I love them.”

“Good,” he laughs. “I’m a fan of them myself.” Shooting me the most painful wink, pulling a loud laugh out of me. 

After a few minutes, our laughing fit finally died down. I took a second to find some vases to put our little bouquets in. I left mine on the kitchen counter and put the one Sam made on our coffee table. 

He plops down onto the couch as I’m fluffing up the flowers, making them look fuller. His hands grabbed my waist and pulled me back down into his side. It’s almost instinctual for my legs to flop over his at this point. 

“What’s the plan for the rest of the day?” I ask him, snuggling myself closer to him. 

“Well,” his voice is soft. “I figured I would make some dinner for the two of us and then we can just enjoy some cheesy romance movie.” 

I look up at him, “That sounds perfect.”

“Maybe make out a little, I don’t know,” he rambles out quickly. 

Giggling at how he really thought he would just sneak that in—good thing I’m always prepared for something like this. 

“I do have a little surprise for you, too,” I tell him. “It has flowers involved.” 

His eyes light up, “Now we’re talking.”

“I can either go put it on now or wait until after dinner,” I whisper, wiggling my eyebrows at him. 

It was almost like I could see the gears turning in his head before he finally said, “Nobody will know if you just stay in whatever it is… through dinner.” 

“That’s very true,” I mumble, leaning closer to his lips. 

His eyes almost look like they’re sparkling from this angle, leaning in and leaving a slow kiss on my lips. 

“Maybe I can appreciate it twice?” he smirks against me. 

My hand slides up his chest, and in a sultry tone, I tell him, “You can appreciate it as many times as you want, babe.” 

“You should uh.. go change into whatever it is,” he whispers, pulling his bottom lip in with his teeth slightly. His hand squeezes the top of my thigh a couple of times. I lean in, leaving a few pecks on him before I stand up. There was no way I was going to be able to walk past him without a little swat on the ass, making me look back at him.  

The look on his face is devious, and I couldn’t be more excited. 

Masterlist

Taglist:

@gvfsstardust @myleftsock @dont-go-home-without-me @lizzys-sunflower @mackalah

@edgingthedarkness @writingcold @i-love-gvf

@takenbythemadness @earthgrlsreasy @peaceloveunitygvf

@gretavanfan @musicspeaks @jazzyfigz @smoking-jakelane

@demonrat444 @josh-iamyour-mama

@wrldabomination @gvf-luna @chloeshell1219

@sanguinebats @lightmy-love @monkeylaura627 @myownparadise96

@cheersdannyx2 @lallisonl @fleetingjake

[summerrobyn]

Two Uika Theory (Dialogue - Part 1)

I just watched Episode 10 and I am losing my mind but before I can properly talk about what I think about it, I need to talk about the dialogue.

So strap in folks, this one's going to be a long one.

As always, I'll be referring to the left handed Uika as Luika and the right-handed Uika as Ruika.

Just so that we're all on the same page, I've listed out which Uika is which.

MyGo!!!!!

End Credits (Episodes 4 & 7) = Ruika

Speaking with Sakiko (Episode 8) = Ruika

Other Flashbacks = Ruika (yellow shirt)

Stargazing Flashbacks = Either* (darker clothes, longer hair)

Meeting Tomori (Episode 10) = Luika

With Tomori and Anon (Episode 13) = Ruika

Ave Mujica performance (Episode 13) = Luika

Ave Mujica

First Performance + Talk with Saki-chan (Episode 1) = Ruika

Budokan + Face Reveal (Episode 1) = Luika

Aftermath of the Interview (Episode 2) = Either

Donut Scene (Episode 2) = Ruika

Door Scene (Episode 2) = Luika

Rest of the Scene (Episode 2) = Ruika

Dissociation (Episode 2) = Luika

Train Station Argument (Episode 3) = Luika

Eavesdropping (Episode 3) = Potentially Ruika

Mortis Appears (Episode 3) = Either

Car Scene (Episode 4) = Ruika

Group Photo Scene (Episode 4) = Either

Hotel Room Scene (Episode 4) = Luika

Episode 5 = Ruika

Episode 7 + 8 = Ruika

Car Scene (Episode 9) = Luika

Cafe w/ Anon (Episode 9) = Ruika

School Scene (Episode 9) = Ruika

Costume Scene (Episode 9) = Ruika

Tomori + Mutsumi (Episode 9) = Ruika

Mutsumi/Stairs (Episode 9) = Luika

Rest of Episode 9 = Either

Now that we're all on the same page, we can start with our favourite fucked up girls' appearance in MyGo!!!!!

Stars and Saki-chan

While I was initially going to go through this scene by scene, line by line, I fear that's a bit too much even for me so I'll be covering all the key bits of dialogue.

The reason why I did this in the first place was because of an observation I made during MyGo!!!!! that has plagued me ever since - aside from everything to do with Uika's hands.

Let's start with Episode 4 & Episode 7, shall we?

These after credit scenes give us a good sense of Ruika's personality. We immediately see her speaking with the lively and bright Mana in a friendly way. She isn't quite as lively but she feels warm, like a girl talking with her friend.

The minute Mana leaves we see her bright smile drop and she sighs.

She looks in the mirror and says "What a terrible expression."

This bleakness stays on her face until she genuinely smiles while looking at Saki-chan's name - and the texts she sent to her. Here is where Ruika is truly the brightest, rather than merely pretending to be as bright as Mana.

In the post credits scene of Episode 7, we equally see her sighing when she's on her own. Both of these make it seem like Uika doesn't actually enjoy being in sumimi all that much. She isn't genuinely happy to speak with Mana, she doesn't feel satisfied after performing, there is no joy in this band for Ruika.

So then why is she here? I'll get to my thoughts on that later.

Ruika sees that she's getting a call from Saki-chan and blushes, gently holding the phone as she picks it up. Here I should clarify that I'm not super well acquainted with Japanese, especially with any subtext word choice has so I'll be basing it off the subtitles we have. If anyone has any more to add in regards to how she speaks, I'd be interested to know.

Anyway, from these two initial scenes alone, we can tell that Ruika is someone who doesn't find much (or any) joy in the work she's doing and that simply seeing Saki-chan's name is enough to make her flush with happiness.

This is supported by the entire conversation in Episode 8. In fact, a lot of interesting things are shown in Episode 8.

Notably, the first line that we see Saki-chan say to Uika's face is this:

And Uika merely responds with an enthusiastic "Saki-chan!"

When we cut to their actual conversation, it's immediately established that these two haven't talked in a while with Ruika saying "It's been about a year since we've seen each other, right?"

This implies to me that these two don't talk much, if at all since Uika joined sumimi at the very least. Considering the last text between the two of them was Sakiko congratulating her for starting sumimi, it's not a stretch to consider it that way.

This line also emphasise this fact.

The shot afterwards shows that Ruika was the last person to text Sakiko in their conversation. I'm sure that won't become a running trend.

Ruika says reading those messages gives her courage and then shows that she knows them off by heart. "I told you. I read them all the time." This girl also immediately becomes less interested as the topic switches to speaking about sumimi and then immediately switches the topic to focus on focus on Sakiko.

"It's going alright. What about you, Saki-chan? You're in a band, right?"

And then she immediately compliments the band. Ruika has seen one performance of them, one that was apparently not that good based on the comments, and yet she still calls it amazing.

"Your concert last year was amazing."

Once you know everything about how CRYCHIC went, her comment seems a little strange all things considered. To me it reads like she's saying this just to compliment Sakiko.

We move into their flashbacks once they talk about the sky in the summer. Uika is revealed to live on an island, a place where Sakiko used to visit.

This line to me feels particularly telling, especially since it comes before the party where they don't remember the same details about that first summer.

Considering Ruika has memorised Sakiko's texts, I doubt she would misremember the events of when she first met Sakiko and became her friend. I feel like that would be a special memory for her.

Likewise, Sakiko is constantly referred to by others as "omnipotent" or at least that's what I've gathered from people who know more about kanji than I do. While her thing is "forgetfulness", Sakiko isn't actually able to forget things on a whim, they still haunt her even as she tries to erase them from her memory.

Of course, this is just me speculating, it could just be that they really did muddle up the events. That doesn't stop me from looking at the text with a raised eyebrow. It's nothing concrete but it can be used to support an idea.

In my mind, I look at the disagreement between who invited who out for bug hunting as a potential sign. Perhaps Uika did ask out Sakiko to go bug hunting but it was Luika not Ruika. Then perhaps seeing Ruika, Sakiko took her out instead thinking that she was Luika.

It's pure speculation but the idea that Luika was Sakiko's friend first and Ruika only befriended her by chance sure is an interesting idea.

Before I get into more of my thoughts on this, I think we should take a look at Luika's first appearance so that we can get a feel for her dialogue.

Now, these two don't share any stark differences in terms of what pronouns they use or anything. Nor does there seem to be a difference in the level of formality, but what these two talk about in particular actually feels quite different the more you look at it.

While this is mostly a dialogue post, I am going to point out other interesting facts that go beyond just what comes out of their mouths.

For instance, Luika smiles at Tomori here.

We've established with Ruika that she seems to operate on matching people's energy when she isn't with Sakiko. With Luika, Tomori is the timid type, her expression doesn't say much about what she's thinking and she's very soft spoken. Our first look at her face in this scene doesn't exactly scream a very warm girl.

But Luika still smiles at her. At first it's polite and the second time it feels a bit more friendly.

This could be for a myriad of reasons. Perhaps Luika is genuinely happy to see the stars, perhaps Luika is a more genuine person compared to Ruika, perhaps Luika is putting on her Uika from sumimi mask but she seems more genuine here than Ruika feels so far.

Tomori doesn't smile back either, she mainly looks surprised. Of course, she's going through things but generally when Luika speaks it comes across as less flat than when Ruika talks with Mana.

That's not to say that Ruika sounds flat when speaking with Mana, the opposite really it's hard to notice if you don't compare it to anything else. But when listening to Ruika talk with Sakiko and with Luika speaking here, the way Ruika speaks when working at sumimi feels less warm.

When speaking with Tomori, Luika recognises her from the photo of CRYCHIC. It then closes up on Tomori and Sakiko together in the frame. Rather than bring up the fact that she recognises her or anything, Luika turns to speaking about the stars.

Truth be told, considering all we see of Uika in the latest episodes, I don't know exactly why Uika would choose to comfort Tomori here. She's not competition yet but I believe by this point that Uika has already agreed to join a band with Sakiko.

This conversation has nothing to do with Sakiko at all, actually. Helping Tomori does nothing to improve her relationship with Sakiko which seems to be the driving force of why Ruika does anything. Sakiko was proud to see her in a band, that's why she's in sumimi; Sakiko asked her to be in band so of course she says yes; Sakiko lived with her, she gave her life to Saki-chan, while they were apart of Ave Mujica so of course she wants to revive it.

Ruika does not instantly reply to Umiri's message on the group chat about rejoining Ave Mujica until it looks like Sakiko will revive CRYCHIC instead.

It's the complete absence of Sakiko even being mentioned here that feels like it's throwing me off when every other scene with Ruika revolves around Saki-chan like she's the centre of her universe.

Instead, Luika brings up stars and songs - which, while you could argue that Uika enjoyed stargazing with Sakiko when she was younger, hence why she brings it up here - the singing part makes no sense when it comes to Ruika.

We've established that Ruika does not seem all that thrilled when talking about sumimi. She doesn't look excited when she performs. Why then does Uika speak about songs here?

"When you sing, it feels like it reaches people, right? Even things you have a hard time saying... more than words, the feeling gets through."

Now, while we only have one sumimi song, I think we can look into its lyrics here for a bit more context on this line.

The majority of the song is very upbeat and positive, some lines have a bit of a darker undertone but they still fall in line with the things that can you down in your everyday life. Considering the intensity of Ruika's emotions - especially with the newest song specifically written about Sakiko - the vibes that this song gives is very different even if you argue that they're both about love.

Here, the world! feels more like a song about the power of friendship and platonic love rather than giving any impression of the obsessive way that Ruika loves. I understand that it's a different genre but still, one would think there would be a little more that spoke to Ruika.

Here are some lines that stood out to me:

Everyone's a bit troubled, throughout the night and day Going back and forth between light and shadow

I'm specifically reminded of the shot with half of Uika's face cast in shadow while the other is in the light. Similarly, Uika as a child has two different outfits with a yellow shirt and a dark coloured shirt.

The yellow shirt Uika is right handed and appears only when the sun is up. In contrast, the dark shirt Uika only appears during the night.

If you're just cynical about everything [Oh, gosh] You'll end up feigning ignorance to the world too, that's no good [Let it go]

While Ruika is shown not to be very enthusiastic about anything not related to Saki-chan, I can't say that she's necessarily cynical. After all, she manages to keep hoping that Sakiko will text her back after ghosting her for a month. Not to mention her level of delusion in Episode 10.

With you, who hid a melancholy similar to mine Even though our personalities differ, forces of attraction draw us together What it means for trivial lines to seem like hints I start to understand that in theater mode

To be honest with you, I'm not entirely sure what I think about this verse but it does feel very interesting to me. It doesn't scream Ruika but it might be referring to Luika's own feelings. Maybe about her and Ruika, perhaps about Luika's feelings about music, or being in a band?

Personally, I think that Luika likes being in sumimi. Luika, in contrast to Ruika, loves performing in a band. I think it was her that really wanted to be in sumimi, whether she originally suggested the idea or if Ruika or her were inspired by CRYCHIC forming in some way, and Ruika only keeps doing it because she knows that Sakiko is rooting for her to keep going.

Anyway, Luika wishes Tomori luck and leaves with a heartfelt smile. At least, it looks pretty heartfelt - again much more real than Ruika.

That aside, I want to circle back to the line that Sakiko greets Uika with in Episode 8.

"I see you love the stars as much as ever, Uika."

I think its interesting that the first thing that Sakiko says about Uika is that she loves the stars but all Ruika talks about is Sakiko. Meanwhile, Luika in her talk with Tomori first brings up the stars without ever mentioning Sakiko once.

I'll reference back to the idea I brought up in my Episode 9 analysis that Ruika kept Luika around to mimic her because Luika was the Uika that Sakiko liked. As such, Luika is the one who truly loves the stars, she was the Uika with the dark shirt that was stargazing with Sakiko as a child. Ruika is merely mimicking this behaviour.

I think there's something poetic about the fact that Ruika prefers to visit the planetarium, to view fake stars, when it's shown that you can see the stars in the night sky in Tokyo. In contrast, Luika instead prefers the actual night sky and when she goes to the planetarium in Episode 10, she's so unfamiliar with the seats because she doesn't usually go there.

Ruika only pretends to like the night sky, she is enamoured with fake stars. Luika loves the night sky and is happy to look at real ones.

Of course, Ruika does talk about the sky but its in reference to the summer sky, which is basically sunny all year round with the shortest hours of night, and the flashbacks itself only focuses on when it's the day. The latest time of day we see with the yellow-shirt child Uika in is when the sun is setting but the sun is still there. Whenever the sun is up it is a right-handed Uika in those flashbacks.

Speaking of fake stars, we once more see Ruika at the planetarium in Episode 13. She spots Tomori and Anon outside and immediately calls out to Tomori, using her name that she wasn't told of before.

But what's interesting is how Ruika then asks:

Of course, one could argue this is her double checking since Tomori didn't actually say her name but you could also interpret this as Ruika making sure this is the right girl. She immediately follows this up with "We met here before." in a manner that makes it feel like it was a passing moment that Tomori needed to be reminded of when they literally had a heart to heart on the steps after Uika saved her from falling down the stairs.

After watching Episode 9, I can't look at those stairs anymore.

Regardless, considering how quickly Tomori recalls it, especially from a vague reference while also remembering her words, it feels a little strange. Especially when you consider the fact that Tomori has been following her advice this whole time.

It's something that looks organic at first glance but when you think about the details in depth it starts to unravel ever so slightly.

Following this is Anon immediately running in like fangirl she is. We love Anon Tokyo. Uika responds to Anon apologising about ruining her private time by saying "I'm happy that you've heard of sumimi."

Her expression at that time looks very similar to how she is in the sumimi posters and such. It appears like Ruika has slipped into Uika from sumimi mode simply by being in front of a fan.

And then when Tomori shows no signs of knowing who she is, Ruika says this:

Anon is confused by this, which makes sense all things considered. It's a bit weird for a professional performer to be glad that someone doesn't know them. Of course, there are those who don't like being known for being famous but I think it's a little different here.

Again, it's been established that Ruika does not inherently enjoy being a professional singer. She says the perfunctory response to a fan expressing excitement over seeing her with Anon but since Tomori doesn't know her as Uika from sumimi, she's relieved in that moment.

I assume that Luika informed Ruika of this conversation, hence why she asks "Did it reach them?"

Ruika then simply responds with "I'm glad." which feels shorter and blunter than how Luika spoke with her. It's not very noticeable but I think it's interesting how Ruika is matching either the vibes or the expectations of who she's speaking with.

Anon knows her as Uika from sumimi so she speaks and acts in a manner that would fulfil that expectation.

Tomori meanwhile, expects Luika, so Ruika specifically brings up things and acts like Luika does. Except she's also matching Tomori's energy so to speak. By using shorter, blunter words it's combining Tomori's attitude with how Luika speaks.

It could also be the fact that Ruika doesn't actually care about how Tomori's doing in anyway, but Luika would so she keeps up the charade.

Ruika also very quickly brushes off how they met before asking if Anon and Tomori are in a band. Upon seeing their account and staring at the screen, she asks to follow them.

Considering the only photo visible is a bunch of parfaits, I think what she was looking at so closely was the names.

Personally, I think she was double checking to see if Sakiko was a member of this band because while I'm not sure how much Uika knew at this point about Ave Mujica, I think Ruika would want to know if these girls could be linked with Saki-chan.

Perhaps she thought that was why Luika helped Tomori in the first place. Ruika knows Sakiko is starting a band; Luika mentions that she recognised Tomori from Sakiko's first band, CRYCHIC; and that she helped Tomori try to keep the band together. For Ruika who barely seems to think about anything without Saki-chan involved somehow, it would make sense.

it could be that she follows them afterwards because she wants to know more about Sakiko's former band members. They were people Sakiko seemed to like, at least during the performance, and so I can imagine she wanted to see what kind of people they were beyond just Tomori and Anon.

An argument could also be made that she wanted to keep tabs on Sakiko's old band for one reason or another. Perhaps even back then she's paranoid about Sakiko leaving and returning to her old band but I doubt it.

I also think she might have done it because that's something Luika would do. She's confused as to why Luika would help Tomori if it wasn't to help Sakiko and maybe just assumes that Luika is interested in Tomori for one reason or another.

Based on the idea that Luika and Ruika have a relationship where they both take each others wishes into account and help achieve their goals, considering the whole Luika loves being in a band so Ruika performs in sumimi and Ruika would do anything for Sakiko so Luika is a part of Ave Mujica, then maybe this is just Ruika going Luika would be interested in this and following them so she can pursue that interest. It ends up being a surprise tool that helps Ruika later so I suppose its a win-win (not at all).

After leaving, her smile drops when she enters the taxi and she immediately searches up CRYCHIC. As I stated in the first part, Luika has a clear flashback to the picture that Ruika needs to look up to confirm her suspicions. "I thought so. She's from Saki-chan's..." is what she says.

Umiri then calls her and Ruika is much more casual and far less gentle when she picks up the phone. There is no loving cradling of it as she did when Sakiko called her.

Then we move to the actual performance itself with Luika once more.

While Nyamu is talking to Mutsumi, who is practicing, Luika is also doing vocal warmups. She then tells Nyamu this:

I point this out because this is the start of an interesting trend I've noticed with Luika that continues into the Ave Mujica anime proper.

Nevertheless, Luika speaks up for Mutsumi here. That is important as she does it unprompted. Sakiko isn't here to look at her acting kindly and everyone else in the room - Mutsumi who stays silent, Nyamu who is being the pushy one here and Umiri who is ignoring the situation - aren't making any efforts to speak up.

She does agree to let Nyamu come over to her house but considering that never happened - and that Uika is shown to be very busy, I doubt that it actually came to fruition.

And then she asks with a sort of awkward looking smile, "Why are you calling me 'Uiko'?"

Perhaps she's uncomfortable with the nickname, perhaps she's unsure where they stand in a relationships, perhaps she's never had a nickname before? I did think that maybe it was because Uika wasn't originally her name but the most recent episode actually makes me doubt that.

I suppose it could be that the name Uika is precious to her in a sense. Or maybe it's something she views as needing to be protected.

I personally like the view that she's confused about the nickname because she's not quite sure what it means. Depending on how long Luika and Ruika have pretended to be one person, it might that she has never had the opportunity to have close friends due to the secret. Or maybe it's because she's never had the chance to feel close to people and convey her feelings - except when she's singing.

And now she's in a band where she can sing to her hearts content, surely here she can find people who her feelings can reach and then be reciprocated.

Luika does offer a bright "Saki-chan! Thanks for all your hard work!" but I think that it's partly said to remain in the Uika character. Ruika is so obsessed with Sakiko, she would surely say something nice and I think Luika likes Sakiko enough to mean it when she says this. I do think Luika is less obsessed with Sakiko because that line is exactly what Uika usually says when dealing with sumimi work.

It's not a heartfelt compliment in the way saying CRYCHIC's performance was amazing is, it's common workplace etiquette. It might be honest gratitude but it's not any closer than one employee thanking another.

I won't speak on the performance itself as while the lines do have meaning they are technically written by Sakiko in universe. I also want to look at everything Doloris related all together and I haven't had the time to go through the intermissions and songs as much as I would like to.

Afterwards though, we get another scene of Luika and Mutsumi together.

Luika offers Mutsumi a water bottle and specifically says "Good work out there. " to her. She doesn't do this to anyone else, nor does she say it to the whole room either. This comment is purely for Mutsumi.

Following that, she then says "The people from the agency complimented your guitar playing."

Again this is specifically to Mutsumi. She doesn't say anything Umiri, who to be fair is in multiple bands at once and so probably is expected to be good, nor Nymau, who is in fact not a professional and apparently plays the drums very well, so I'm surprised the agency didn't say anything about her skills. Especially since we're shown later that the agency thinks Nyamu is promising enough to represent her outside Ave Mujica.

I think they did say something in that regard, Luika just chooses not to mention that fact to Nyamu. She's focused entirely on Mutsumi.

Luika only compliments Sakiko when she returns, specifically saying "You too, Saki-chan!" which is said with the same kind of brightness. She isn't happier to be speaking with Sakiko, the fact that she merely says you too without actually properly compliment here makes Sakiko feel more like an afterthought here.

Luika is caught up with Mutsumi for whatever reason and only when Sakiko walks out does she remember that in this situation Uika would be expected to compliment her, because that's what Ruika would do here.

She then says "Then, so will I!" in regards to going home with Sakiko on the train and is then promptly shut down.

But we don't see a hint of Luika being upset about this fact. Ruika looks like a kicked puppy in Episode 8 at the mere notion that Sakiko has to leave early. That's not even mentioning how she looks throughout Ave Mujica post the band initially breaking up.

Instead, Luika says "We can do that next time I guess." in response to Nyamu's suggestion of an after party.

If she was upset over that rejection, she got over it in the time it took for the door to close without any prompting at all. Considering what we've seen of Uika thus far, I do not buy her recovering that quickly for a second. I doubt she would be outwardly upset but for her to immediately speak up after Nymau whines about the after party feels bizarre to me.

Ruika feels like she would wallow in self pity and stare at the door or her feet while holding her right arm as the others talk around her and only would bounce back once someone calls out to her and she then has a role to fulfil. That and it would also give her the time to rationalise that moment with the same level of delusion that kept her making two cups of coffee for what was I assume at least a month.

Luika moves on because she hears the logic in Sakiko's words and she doesn't care that much in comparison to Ruika. She isn't offended over Sakiko pointing out a valid reason she should stay.

Instead she moves on because she has a band surrounding her. A place where she can make music that reaches people.

Conclusion

Originally, I was going to do all the episodes but in the interest of not making another giant post, I decided to split it into two parts. This one covers MyGo!!!!! and the next will cover Ave Mujica.

I haven't yet decided if I'll discuss both the hands and the dialogue when I do Episode 10 of Ave Mujica but I will definitely do a "consolidation" post of sorts before Episode 11, where I summarise the main points and my final idea on the theory before we get Uika's backstory.

Is it copium to think that the reason we go no new scenes in the preview is because they feature two Uikas in them and so they're doing it this way to keep it a surprise?

[r0tt3n-corpse]

Your writing is absolutely stellar! Can you maybe try a Dib x Reader / Y/N (female or gender neutral, whichever you want to choose) where the Reader has been living in the house across from Dibs house for a few months, but he never noticed them/her because Reader is homeschooled. and one day, Dib meets them/her while the Reader is outside drawing (maybe drawing Mothman or something), and It turns out that the Reader is obsessed with the unexplained, just like Dib.

(Sorry if it's not that good of an idea it's just something I thought of at like 2 am. a couple of days ago) 💙🛸👽

Sorry I disappeared for like a day. Writing is easy for me, it’s just convincing myself to actually sit down and start writing that’s the hard part lol (Also thank you for the request, it’s nice to see people enjoying my writing!)

Fandom: Invader Zim

Warnings: None!

Gender neutral reader x Dib Membrane

You had never liked actual school. The buildings were confusing, the teachers were strict, and the kids were… well, weird. When your parents informed you two months ago that you were not only moving but that you’d be homeschooled as well, you were overjoyed to put it lightly. It was great! Well, maybe not the move, but the homeschooling was.

It was hard to think that you hadn’t seen your friends in more than two months. Sure, you got to talk to them online, but it just wasn’t the same. Homeschooling was great, but being a loner wasn’t.

You didn’t explore much in town, something about your parents not wanting you to get lost. You never particularly listened to their reasons.

Currently, you are outside drawing, like you were almost every day after your homework. You loved drawing, and your parents encouraged the creative outlet.

The sky was a wonderful color, still bright and high in the sky. The wind whistled through the grass as you sat on the steps of your front door, hunched over as you drew. It was truly a beautiful day. Everyday was. Just being alive and in the light of day was amazing to you.

You weren’t focused on the picture as you drew it, more on the colors and the shapes. Everything was beautiful already. It was made by you, after all. “Things made with love will never be dull”, or whatever that poem you read once said.

You lifted your head as a school bus momentarily stopped at the house across from you, dropping kids off. You must’ve lost track of time if the school kids were already getting out. You listened as the bus door closed and watched as the bus continued down your street. A tall-ish black-haired boy was standing on the sidewalk next to a shorter purple-haired girl. His sister, most likely.

The children of that scientist who lived across from you, you assumed. What was his name again? You couldn’t recall, but remembered your parents talking about him a few times. You never knew he had kids.

You put your drawing to the side, making sure it wouldn’t get blown away by the wind, and stood up. You hesitated, not quite sure what you were doing. Making friends would be nice, but how? You watched the boy turn his head and say something to his sister, both backs still to you. You walked down your driveway and to the sidewalk. No cars were coming, but you didn’t cross. The boy seemed to see you and turned, while his sister walked inside their house. You waved, not wanting to look like a weirdo. He waved back slowly from across the street.

“Do I know you..?” He asked, hand back at his side. He adjusted his glasses with his other hand. You shook your head no. He nodded, seeming to have thought so. You caught sight of a keychain on his backpack. It looked familiar. Was that Mothman? He seemed to catch you looking.

“Do you like paranormal stuff?” He asked before pausing for a car to pass between the both of you. You nodded. The paranormal was cool, you’d admit. You liked listening to those weird conspiracy theory videos sometimes as background noise.

“Yeah, I think that stuff is pretty cool.” You said, realizing you hadn’t talked yet. He smiled wide at your response and promptly jogged across the street to your side. He adjusted his backpack on his shoulders, both of you now in your yard.

“I’m Dib Membrane. What’s your name? I didn’t realize any kids lived here.” He looked over your house briefly before turning back to you. The last name Membrane sounded familiar, so you guessed he was telling the truth.

“I’m Y/n. I’m homeschooled, that’s probably why you haven’t seen me. Plus, I usually hang out in my backyard, and not the front.” You explained with a shrug, shifting your weight from one foot to the other. You hadn’t talked to someone in person that was your age in a while and hoped you didn’t seem too awkward. If you were being awkward, Dib seemed too focused on meeting someone with the same interests to care. The boy was practically beaming.

“Oh, that’s cool. I wish I was homeschooled. My dad is real smart, so I’d probably be learning more than I do now anyways.” Dib said, his words quick because of his excitement. You nodded along to his words, a small gesture of the fact you were actually listening. Dib adjusted his glasses and peered down at his watch.

“Well, actually, speaking of my dad, I have to go.” He lifted his head back to you, looking slightly less happy. “Here, you can have this. I saw you looking at it.” He added before slipping the Mothman keychain into your hand. You pocketed it.

“I can met you here again tomorrow, when you get off the bus.” You called out to Dib as he once again crossed the street to his house. He smiled back at you.

“I’d like that.”

(I’m pretty sure this is shorter than my normal writing but it’s okay lol)

[foxglovepng]

Hello, first time requesting anything and I hope I do this right. I like what you've posted previously and I hope you enjoy this request idea.

I saw screenshots of a post recently about a TWST x Tinkerbell/Pirate Fairy event where shenanigans happens and everyone's UM's are switch around.

But what if Yuu got someone else's UM? Would they go power mad? OB by accident because they couldn't control the amount of magic? Just chill until the fairies corrected the switch? How would the owner of the UM deal with Yuu handling their power feel? And how would they feel about being magicless for the time being?

Suggested students are Grim, Azul, Jamil, Vil and Deuce, or anyone else you would prefer, all of them are fun options.

Hope you are doing well 💜

Characters: Idia, Azul, Jamil, Vil, Deuce, Jade, Malleus.

CW: Swearing, Probably an OOC Vil, Azul has a mental breakdown, Idia freaks out. SPOILERS FOR BOOK 6 (Idia), SPOILERS FOR BOOK 7 (Malleus), Probably OOC most characters tbh.

A/N: I heavily loved this movie as a child and I still love it and watch it on occasion. I know this movie so well I can predict the dialogue :sob: I switched out Grim for Idia because I believe there is a mention that Grim had a curse in Book 6 (correct me if I am wrong) But it was while Idia was discussing some possible theories about the Overblots. Because I loved this movie so much and I am watching it as a I write I will be yapping...a lot. Like just yap yap yap yap and I will be making more parts to this because I have a lot of Ideas. I also added Malleus because he is the only one in Diasmonia with a confirmed/offical UM.

I will also be calling you the Fairy 🧚anon <3

Feel free to let me know which fairy(ies) are your favorite. I love Vidia and Fawn.

W/C: Didn't check Fox yaps a lot (2.540k, 7 pages)

NOT PROOFREAD

For context there will be a Mage like Zarina who was obviously an outcast and who was very innovative and wanted to discover new things (Such as the Fairy Dust) The way I imagine it the mage probably wanted to do things that were considered "Illegal" for Mage magic the NRC students ran into this person and they used their UM to switch the powers of students.

(Character's relationships can be read as platonic or romantic)

Deuce (Bet the Limit)

He is not worried. Although he'd be more concerned about Yuu accidentally using it mid class and hurting someone. His UM is mainly dependent on others attacks so I don't think there would be an issue about hurting someone deeply to the point of hospitalization.

He is worried about the fact he can't use magic anymore. He used his flaunt his magic a lot in middle school now he's not no power (Karma really came back for him didn't it)

If Yuu casually happens to get his ability to summon cauldrons it would be hilarious if Yuu dropped a cauldron "Accidentally" On Ace or Crowley's head. He'd feel bad, but It'd be funny.

(Insert video of Ace getting bashed in the head with a Cauldron but it's bad apple.)

He'd eventually adapt to losing his magic, but he does want to try and get it fixed.

He will help Yuu as much as he can with controlling his magic. If they have any questions he will gladly answer them and help to the best of his ability.

Yuu is least likely to go power mad due to Deuce's UM being low on the list for Powers that will make Yuu go bat-shit insane and commit world domination. (Yes I have an actual list)

When Yuu Overblots

He would probably cry like genuinely.

Yuu has gone through enough in TWST and when they finally snap he would be extremely worried for Yuu because he is scared they will get hurt badly/hurt others badly.

Deuce's UM is actually scary so when it comes to overblotting Yuu could hurt A LOT of people.

Riddle's UM won't be able to help and Yuu could just basically absorb every attack that hits them.

Yuu could probably kill someone with his power and that is a really scary though to think about.

(Deuce can too since it is quite his power)

On a skill level there is a possibility Yuu could lose control of the magic, on a power level they could injure a lot of people. Either way Yuu and other people will be getting hurt.

If they somehow stop Yuu's overblot GET THEM THERAPY INSTANTLY make Leona or someone else rich pay for it.

Deuce would look like a sad puppy because he just witnessed his friend he deeply cares about just snap. Probably wouldn't leave Yuu's side while they recover.

He probably feels the most guilty as he couldn't do anything and wished he could have helped more.

Peep Grim crying about his henchman.

If Yuu DOES kill someone um mage jail? or how would that work since they aren't from TWST would they like be in custody in their own world???? because quite literally they have no information on Yuu to send them to Mage Jail.

I'm done yapping moving on

Azul (It's a Deal)

Instant panic attack instantly.

Considering his backstory and why he is becoming a Mage he would definitely freak out over not having his powers. Bro needs his octopot.

When he learns it was Yuu who got his powers he would feel a bit more relieved

"Yuu can I have my powers back? just make a deal with me."

"HOW TF DO I DO THAT????"

Jade and Floyd are laughing their asses off when he tries to teach you how magic works. They are not going to do anything to help AT ALL.

Azul does NOT feel happy about being powerless at ALL. He has a business to keep running and Yuu is struggling.

I can imagine Yuu accidentally making a contract and stealing someone else's power and then having to keep THAT ONE under control.

Overall I feel like Azul makes top 5 of "Yuu will have a panic attack from being unable to control this power"

Azul would probably adjust to the change but he would not be happy with it at all.

There is a possibility Yuu could go power mad, but Azul is based on capitalism Yuu is not. They would probably only go power mad as a way for threatening/bargaining to go home.

When Yuu Overblots

Pray Yuu has the power under control

Azul's Overblot 2.0 except no tentacles

Azul tries to help the best he can and then gets blasted with magic right in the face. (L bozo)

When Yuu just snaps Azul wishes he could of down more, but he realizes he only was helping Yuu for himself. Not for them. They had to deal a lot and he probably was the one that broke the camels back for them to overblot.

On a skill level and Power level it would probably be the same as Azul's however Yuu has less control over the power.

Yuu is getting back for when he overblotted. /hj

When Yuu unoverblots Azul gives them an apology and also starts the process for them to see a therapist. Probably get's an earful from Deuce and Ace about pushing Yuu over the edge.

Jade (Shock The Heart)

Is not worried.

He doesn't need magic to intimidate people although he needs magic to obtain information.

"Oya? it appears the prefect has my power."

You know how Azul and Deuce would help? He wouldn't

When it comes to Jade's power it can easily be exploited to gain all kinds of information from someone and in the wrong hand's world domination can be caused.

Yuu gets help anyway from Tweedle Dee and Dum over at Heartslabyul.

Yuu would accidentally use Jade's power on people and would probably gain information they wouldn't want to know and probably has gotten traumatized.

Begs Jade to take his power back and he just giggles at Yuu. He is fine with not using Magic, but it is funny to see Yuu attempt to use his magic.

He's enjoying you struggle. However if it gets to a certain point he may help keyword may.

When Yuu overblots

No one is worried lmao.

I mean overblotting is bad, but Jade's power is like so??? normal?? that an overblot would be dangerous, but his conditions are it can only be used once so if Yuu acivates it they probably wouldn't be able to use it again.

hopefully..

If not they are royally fucked tbh.

Jade can't do anything at all and probably will get grilled later for not helping Yuu.

When they unoverblot Yuu Jade is the first one to get them to the infirmary carrying them bridal style (slay king) and making sure they recieve proper treatment. Also apologises for not helping them learn as he was worried they would go power mad.

Jamil (Snake Whisperer)

He is flipping out.

Number 1. Yuu just got this power and barely can control it IMAGINE WHAT COULD HAPPEN.

(Manipulate Crowley into sending them home)

Number 2. Jamil needs his magic and as Kalims retainer he needs it more than Yuu :sob:

Jamil is already stressed out with wrangling Kalim 24/7 now he has this on his hands. Bro just might overblot from stress.

Either way he helps Yuu with gaining control because Yuu almost made Ace choke on his food from accidentally using the UM. And almost made Jack run into a tree (It was funny actually)

We all know how Jamil's overblot turned out someone call up the Octotrio to deal with this again.

There is a possibility Yuu could go power mad. However Yuu is a sweetheart (possibly) and wouldn't control their friends.. right?

Jamil physically can't adjust to being magicless and tries to literally hunt the person down but fails miserably.

When Yuu overblots

I dare Yuu to throw everyone who's fighting so Jamil can get yeeted too (I'd be funny I swear)

Jamil overblot 2.0 except Yuu loses control and accidentally brainwashes everyone. whoops

Jamil got his Karma from brainwashing the whole dorm

Wait if he can brainwash the whole dorm could he brainwash all of NRC? 😨

When Yuu snaps Yuu is coming for everyone INCLUDING CROWLEY his ass is not getting saved.

I pray for everyone who is fighting Yuu. Compared to Deuce's though I'd rather get brainwashed tbh.

If Yuu somehow manages to get pulled out Kalim is making sure everyone who was affected is okay and Jamil is rushing Yuu to the infirmary. When Yuu snaps it would be dreadful tbh and I don't think people would make it out of this OB with Yuu unless they physically got hurt to the point of unconsciousness, or Malleus was like "No don't overblot you're too sexy aha".

Jamil also apologizes for not being able to do enough and makes sure Yuu sees a therapist.

Snake whisperer overblot Yuu and Bet the Limit overblot Yuu are genuinely scary and I'm terrified.

Vil (Fairest One of All)

Instant panic

Vil's UM is so powerful that when a curse is placed with conditions it cannot be lifted even with Vil's interference unless the conditions are met.

Imagine Yuu with that power. Crowley suddenly has a way for Yuu to get home.

Vil would be more concerned with his potato having a power they CANNOT control. Yuu will be accidentally placing curses on people.

Ace would suddenly get paralyzed from the neck down and Yuu didn't know how they did it.

Yuu accidentally paralyzing people is crazy.

Vil helps Yuu try to gain control of the power but has a really hard time.

This is another one where if Yuu were to overblot it would be because they accidentally use the UM too much and are stressed because of it.

Vil doesn't mind being magicless however do NOT let his father figure that out he might force Vil out of NRC into modeling.

When Yuu overblots

Uncontrolled curse magic with a stressed-out overblotting Yuu. Yeah this is up there with Bet the limit and Snake Whisperer.

Someone is probably dying.

Vil almost killed Neige for gods sake imagine what YUU COULD DO.

Vil tried to curse Yuu mid overblot but forgot he couldn't use magic.

Vil is actively sending Rook after the mage who switched powers. Vil wants his potato back.

If Yuu manages to snap out of an OB Vil is also the one making sure Yuu gets treatment. He will also pay for their therapy and treatments.

When Vil gets his hand on the mage she will not be existing anymore /hj

!!!SPOILERS FOR IDIA AND MALLEUS BELOW SPOILERS I REPEAT SPOILERS I SAID SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS!!!

You have been warned

Idia (Game, Set, Match)

Every time I say Yuu is terrifying with a certain OB It gets worse. (I should make a list tbh)

Idia is freaking the hell out. Probably has a panic attack but we aren't there yet.

Idia's UM literally control the gates to the underworld and basically keeps the blot monsters in and if Yuu accidentally opens that.

I pray for everyone's safety.

Idia has probably headed a warning about this and is actively hunting down the mage. Ortho is helping too.

This is one of those where I say Yuu should not have it because with one wrong move and hundreds if not thousands of people could get hurt.

Idia is panicking Yuu is panicking Ortho is trying to calm them down.

Yuu most likely overblots because Idia is freaking them out, and they don't want to open the gates to hell.

I wonder if one of his parents could also open and close the gate with their magic that will literally help.

When Yuu overblots

Run everyone the gates of hell opened again.

If I had a nickel for every time someone overblotted and opened the gates of hell I'd have two nickels. It's not a lot of nickels, but it is weird that it happened twice.

Idia is making sure the literal gates of hell did NOT open, and surely enough they did.

Crowley is probably getting sued

In Theory the battle could be easy however when it comes to the UM someone tell Yuu to close the gates.

Blot monster domination 2.0

Ortho manages to hunt the mage down, but only until after the overblot is over and the gates have opened.

Idia completely forgot about Yuu's condition so when they switched powers he was more focused on closing the gate. He got grilled for that by Ace and Deuce who carried Yuu to the nurses.

I feel like this one is scary but more in the sense that Yuu has the power to the hell world.

Malleus (Fae of Maleficence)

Do I even need to say how bad this would be?

I know damn well most of Diasmonia is tweaking that Waka Sama just lost his power.

When Malleus learns it's Yuu he's more worried about them being stressed out over this and tries to help them the best way he could and even gets Lilia in on it.

Malleus is one of the top 5 mages in the world Yuu is probably one panic attack away from overblotting and putting everyone's ass to sleep.

Malleus is also concerned about the possibility of an overblot so he is definitely trying to keep them from overblotting. Whatever his child of man needs he will snap his fingers and it's done.

Yuu wants a massage? Malleus will arrange that. Yuu needs food he will buy Yuu some. Yuu wants ice cream? He wants some too. Yuu wants a fucking break? He will threaten Crowley for one.

He understands the power that was given to Yuu is a lot handle and will accommodate his Child of man (They are getting married after this)

He is also sending Silver and Sebek after the mage and the mage may or may not be existing after he finds her.

When Yuu overblots

As of 2/26/24 not all of Diasmonia has been updated/finished so I have no information as to how it will end/ how his overblot will go. But let's just imagine it.

Malleus fell into a dream world where he got to be happy with his Child of Man. He is King, he has children, and he's with his Child of Man happily. :SOBBING:

When he get pulled out from the dream he's like why :( probably all pouty since it was a good dream. And then remembers Yuu overblotted and is like no my child of man.

He is the first one to instantly get Yuu help bro can't teleport, but he can run and if he can still turn into a dragon he can fly.

He apologizes to Yuu even though he did all he could he still feel like he could have done more. He gets Yuu all of the treatments they need instantly and when the mage switches back their powers she is deader than his Mom.

[allastoredeer]

Discussing fandom and its trends is one of my favorite things 🤓 I hope you don't mind me sharing some of the pseudotheories and pseudoanalyses I've seen before (to me they're all fun and I don't think they should be taken 100% seriously, please no one be offended)

1 The name of the boat that goes first is the favorite.

Quite funny in my opinion and from what I have seen it is not necessarily false, but many times it is that putting it differently sounds *wrong*, especially when they are combinations of the name

(Although after seeing that apparently apple radio and radioapple are not the same now I need an explanation of what radiosilent is as opposed to radiostatic)

2 The sub is The favorite

The first time I saw this was in a SW comment thread with a Chinese reader who was commenting with the author about top/Bottom preferences for the language and commented on this theory. They said that the Bottom gets all the love and since you want your favorite character to be adored that's why you write it like that

3 you project yourself into the Bottom

This came from another fandom, things got heated and toxic and a common accusation from a ship is that half the ship "had no personality" and they were using it to project themselves into a relationship whith the top

Personally I think they are all true to some extent, but I also see them as renunciationist and I myself am not without my own prejudices.

Part of the problem is that in relationships m/m and w/w, they continue to be written as one part a hairy-chested alpha male and the other part a blushing, submissive (and I have a weakness for ABO bulbs but there the problem is worse). In the case of radioapple Alastor has been reduced to his ego and need for control (so he could never let go. And is there something strangely allosexual about the way they write it?) and Lucifer to his depression (so he needs to be adored... And the truth is, I do think 3 applies here)

With what we see, I think that Lucifer has no problem being at the bottom, but his preference is at the top, even bordering on the Dom.Lucifer has insecurity and depression but he also knows he is powerful and we see him being authoritarian even if he later recants.He seems to be the type who would enjoy being the one to give pleasure to his partner, but I also don't see him giving up control easily when there are already so many things in his life out of control.Lucifer doesn't want someone to come in and take control by emptying his head, he wants something he can control and show exactly how good he is at it.

Alastor, on the other hand (this is where my prejudice comes in): what does he gain by being the top? Some kind of power play? Because I feel like Alastor can find that high without involving genital play.How ace (and probably aroace and almost certainly on the gray or demi side for most fics to work) Alastor would need something more to really get involved like that, which is why I feel like the top Alastor fics almost always feel too Allo for my taste, he just fucks like anyone else.When Alastor is the Bottom the writer gives him a little more nuance.

So that's my two cents to the discussion 🙃

Honestly, I think you're on point with most of these. (I too would like to know the difference between radiosilence and radiostatic - i see a lot of different names pop up for Alastor/Vox, whether its reciprocal or unrequited, and I can't keep up with it. I think radiosilence means the attraction is one-side? Maybe?? I think??

I can see the logic behind people having their fav be the bottom because they want them to feel loved and adored. I, too, am guilty of this. It also probably helps that the top is usually depicted as doing most of work LOL (Bringing Doms and Subs into this, there are a lot of fics that explore sub-drop, usually with their fav character--which I totally get--but it'd be interesting to read more fics that explore dom-drop too).

Personally, I've never felt any real attraction towards the characters I like, so I've never projected myself as a bottom or top through a pairing to be with one of the character. I project my insecurities and life experiences on them 🤓☝️ LMAO same basic concept, just a different shades But characterXreader fics/posts are super popular! So, I see that one too.

Part of the problem is that in relationships m/m and w/w, they continue to be written as one part a hairy-chested alpha male and the other part a blushing, submissive (and I have a weakness for ABO bulbs but there the problem is worse). In the case of radioapple Alastor has been reduced to his ego and need for control (so he could never let go. And is there something strangely allosexual about the way they write it?) and Lucifer to his depression (so he needs to be adored... And the truth is, I do think 3 applies here)

Very much agreed. I enjoy Omegaverse fics too, but it's one of those fanfic tropes that I'm picky about. It needs to be written a certain way for me to really enjoy it.

I don't know, just the default that one person has to be dominate and the other has to submissive never sat right with me. For a long time, I was super squicked out by even the thought of being in a relationship because of this. I'm a small person, most people are taller than me, and I'm pretty thin, so the mental assumption that I'd have to be "the submissive one," considering that's what almost always happens in these depicted relationships, made me feel so much anger, anxiety, and discomfort. I hated the thought that that's what would be expected of me. (Personal lore drop: considering I also grew up in a hyper-religious, extremely patriarchal town, the expectation felt 10x worse and 100x more real. I dreaded getting older and starting romantic/sexual relationships).

Also, yes, with a lot of top!Alastor content I've seen, there is something very strangely allosexual about it. Or, at least that's how it comes off to me. Asexuality is a spectrum, so there's no "perfect" way to be ace, it's just...there's just something about it that feels very allosexual, and maybe why I keep shying away from it. It squicks me out a bit, ngl.

People keep saying they see Lucifer as a switch, and funnily enough, it was actually confirmed by Vivenne Mendrano that he canonically is a switch! Of course, if people want to see him exclusively as a bottom or top, that's fair. You do you, boo. We're here to have a good time. But I'm very happy with his canon sexuality, so that's where I keep him. I can see him as a sub and a dom, too.

I also see Lucifer as the type who enjoys giving his partner pleasure! Be it bottoming, topping, subbing, or domming. He'll try out kinks and position and role-play, because I headcanon him and Lilith having a very healthy, very explorative sex-life. They were freaks in the sheets, and they tried all the new, crazy shit sinners brought with them into Hell.

I keep Alastor exclusively as a bottom, though. Some of it is because I see him being kind of grossed out with the idea of a part of him going into someone else (hello self projection!) but I also see him generally being sex-indifferent. Like, he'll have sex, and he'll enjoy it, but it's not something he typically seeks out for himself. Maybe once in a way, when he's in the ✨mood✨ he'll initiate. If his partner wants sex and he doesn't, he's not forcing himself. If his partner wants sex and he's kind of just vibing--not feeling horny, but not really against it either--yeah, he'll have sex. It's not like he's getting nothing out of it, he still feels and enjoys the pleasure in the act, even if he's generally indifferent towards doing it.

If he's comfortable with it he'll even indulge their kinks (and indulge his own 😉 not all kinks have to be sexual, afterall. And even if his are, that is still valid and does not take away from his sexuality because aces can still have sexual kinks 🫵 I'm looking at you, people who assume aces can't have sexual desires). (I also gave Alastor a power kink 😏 because I think he'd be into his partner displaying immense amounts of power. It doesn't even have to be directed at him. He'll watch his boo destroy a city block and then fuck them later because that was hawt.)

A lot of it could also be because he feels too allo for me when he is written as a top. Lol "he fucks like everyone else," is a very good way to put it 😂 When he bottoms, it feels like he's written with more of his ace-identity in mind, which I love!

But also, I like Alastor being a bottom just because. I vibe with it. 'Nuff said.

Thank you for your two cents!

[solisitude]

"For someone who loved words as much as I did, it was amazing how often they failed me."

-- If We Were Villains by M. L. Rio

“Because freedom, I am told, is nothing but the distance between the hunter and its prey.”

-- On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong

and as for poetry, i like to talk about "Written in my Dreams by W. C. Williams" by Allen Ginsberg with other people because it's short and rolls over the tongue nicely and i like to come back to it, puts a smile on my face, you know?

i'll also never forget "A Carcass" by Charles Baudelaire from when we read it at school years ago and then again in high school and i have now chosen Les Fleurs du mal as one of the books for my oral school leaving exam, so it's definitely one of those authors i read once and was never able to get out of my head

and last but not least, Louise Glück (may she rest in peace) and her "Theory of Memory" which includes the ending "Right now you are a child holding hands with a fortune-teller. All the rest is hypothesis and dream." and i simply don't have a choice but to love this one

i have so many more favourites, but these are the ones i can think of right now hehe <33

what r ur favourite poems and quotes??

those are brilliant actually

mine are quite, different to what one may think but i like finding meaning in things that other people think are only surface level :

思い出なんか いらん - we don't need memories

this is from the anime haikyuu LMAO which is a fucking volleyball anime and it is the team motto of one of the teams. It is quite honestly my life motto at this point. I used to live in the past, excused people for thing they do now because they were different in the past. they were different in my memories. I was so focused on the past i forgot to enjoy my present. I am done doing that. My memories hold me back. I am tired of it.

"to love and lose and still be kind" - warsan shire

this is pretty self explanatory. i dont think I've had a hard life. but i certainly haven't had an easy one. i have a habit of giving too much of myself to people. I'm working on rectifying that whilst still being kind.

"but i cut people out like tags on my clothing" - conan gray

I LOVE people watching its one of my favourite songs. but this line is really important to me. I've cut the tags off of my clothing for as long as I can remember. ever since i was a kid. I also have a habit of cutting out people the second they break my trust. as easy as cutting off tags from my clothing. I don't think its a good habit or a bad habit. it just. is.

"It's always the ones who are quietest who often have the greatest things to say" - TJ Klune, Wolfsong

This is from one of my favourite books of all time. I was a quiet child for a while. I never got excited for anything and after a while my parents suspected I had childhood depression, we still don't know for sure if I did. It makes a lot of sense though. It took me a while to become confident in my own voice and my own opinions. this quote is really important to me.

"Men don't cry. My daddy taught me that. Men don't cry because they don't have time to cry.

I must not have been a man yet because I cried. I bowed my head and cried." - TJ Klune, Wolfsong

This isn't personal to me in anyway, I just really, really love this part of the book and these two lines in particular.

"I'll be your hands." "I'll be your sanity." - TJ Klune, Ravensong

love has always been something I've read about. but this quote takes the damn cake.

as for poems,

At a Funeral by Dennis Brutus

I analyzed this poem for an English Lit class and the story behind why it was written really stuck with me. It was written after the death of Valencia Majombozi who was shot on the day of her graduation from nursing school. Its a protest poem and it just hits really fucking hard.

Death of a Naturalist by Seamus Heaney

This was the first poem that i ever took inspiration from. I had of course written before, but I really enjoyed Heaney's writing style so it strongly influenced my poem Quietude, which I am planning to submit to the empty inkwell publication...hopefully lol

Identity Card by Mahmoud Darwish

This poem is written as a form of protest poetry as well. Mahmoud Darwish was a Palestinian poet, for those of you who do not know and he wrote this poem about being asked for his identity card by Israeli Officers. Its really, really good.

[rosesloveletters]

💚❤️Merry Christmas, sister Eri❤️💚

for @ajokeformur-ray

total word count for this gift package: 4,444

Merry Christmas, my dearest sister Erika🥹🫂❤️💚 These fics below tell a very specific storyline, each pieced together from glimpses into your life with some of your most beloved F/Os. I know you've been feeling very stressed and down lately and so it inspired me, in part, to take that which you're feeling and find little glimmers of peace within them.

That being said, please listen to the song The Manuscript by Taylor Swift before reading. I think the references will make more sense that way and the intent with which I wrote these pieces will be clearer.

I hope that you like what I have written, but I'm happy to make you something else if not. I want you to know that I understand and empathize with how you've been feeling, because I've been there myself for the last two years. Not to make this about me, but I know it comforts you to know that you aren't alone and you definitely are NOT alone. I know you have some lovely people in your corner of the world and I'm rooting for you all the way across the ocean. I'll always be here for you, wanting nothing but the best for my beloved sister who means the world to me. No matter how bad things seem or how hopeless, there is always something good within the situation and these fics are my attempt at that.

I am so endlessly proud of you and I love you very, very much🫂❤️🫂❤️🫂❤️🫂❤️🫂❤️

Now...

A handwritten letter, as per tradition:

Next, I've written you three fics to be read in the order they appear in below. Each follow direct inspiration from the song I linked above. I had such a wonderful time writing for you, dear, and I hope you enjoy them❤️ I can always write you something else if these aren't quite what you need, just let me know! I love you so very much, my beloved sister Erika🫂🫂

I'm not a donor but I'd give you my heart if you needed it // Erika & Henry Jekyll, plus Mary Reilly and Edward Hyde mentioned (familial)

summary: You've thrown yourself in headfirst to your fifth year of your studies and your father is torn between his respect for your dedication and concern towards your lack of consideration for your physical and mental well-being, leading him to swing into action right when you most need it.

word count: 1,256

You stared blankly at the thick textbook in front of you, the words on the page blurring together into an incomprehensible jumble as tears of frustration welled up in your tired eyes. 

The flickering flame of the oil lamp, a sight which typically brought you such comfort, cast a sickly glow over everything, making the graphs and diagrams swim before your vision, warped within your exhausted and weary mind.

You had been studying for hours, days, weeks, months it seemed, pouring every ounce of mental energy you had into absorbing the complex psychological theories and treatment modalities required for your degree, but no matter how hard you tried, how many late nights you spent hunched over your books and notes inside your father’s beloved library, it never seemed to be enough. 

The material refused to stick in your weary brain and though your grades weren’t slipping, you were struggling to find a way to split your time between yourself, your work, your education and everything else that came along.

Becoming a therapist had been your dream for the last several years and you were far too stubborn and determined to quit - a burning desire to help others navigate the twists and turns of the human psyche fueled your late night study sessions, as well as a liter or two of coffee, provided by your doting mother who often came to check on you when everyone else in the household had long since retired for the night. 

However, now, deep into your grueling academic journey, that dream felt like it was slowly crumbling to dust between your fingers. 

You were terrified that despite all your effort and sacrifice, you worried that you couldn’t split up your time or weren’t capable enough to see it through.

The possibility of failure loomed over you like a suffocating shadow, yet what choice did you have but to keep struggling forward? 

You had already invested so much - time, money, blood, sweat, and tears. 

To give up now would mean facing the devastating reality that your one shot at building a meaningful career and life had slipped away. 

No, quitting wasn't an option, even if you had to crawl your way to that diploma. 

You took a shaky breath and turned the page, steeling yourself for another round in this excruciating battle of wills, hoping desperately that somewhere deep inside you was the strength to fumble your way through. You felt the weight of your dream bearing down on your hunched shoulders as you stared at the dense wall of text before you. 

The musty library air hung heavy in your lungs, thick with the dust of countless volumes of knowledge that now seemed to mock your feeble efforts at mastery.

You could feel the panic rising in your throat, threatening to choke off your breath entirely.

It clawed at your insides - the sinking certainty that the goal you had held so tenderly, so hopefully in your heart for all these years might just be another wisp of fantasy, destined to dissolve in the harsh light of reality. Every fiber of your being ached with exhaustion, the countless hours of toil and study etched deep into your bones. Your once sharp mind felt dull, clouded, sluggish. 

The neat lines of text swam in and out of focus, as if even they were tired of your relentless scrutiny. 

How much longer could you go on like this - pouring your very soul into a dream that seemed to forever dangle just out of reach? 

Voices of doubt hissed in your ear, insidious whispers that perhaps you had been foolish to ever believe you were meant for something more. That no matter how hard you tried, how desperately you pushed yourself to the brink of collapse, it would never be enough.

Hot tears stung your bloodshot eyes and you angrily brushed them away. 

No. 

You would never give in.

This was your path, your purpose. 

You sucked in a shuddering breath, squared your aching shoulders, and turned your blurred gaze back to the merciless pages. 

You would see this through, even if it destroyed you, even if it took your very last tortured breath.  Dr. Henry Jekyll watched his daughter hunched over the desk, the glow of the candlelight illuminating the dark circles under your eyes as you wrote furiously, pen dragging across the page in flowing script, pausing only to reference the towering stack of textbooks by your side.

He felt a swell of pride seeing your relentless work ethic and unwavering focus, yet as the weeks went by, his pride became increasingly overshadowed by concern. 

Your once vibrant eyes had grown dull, your skin pale and sallow. 

You seemed to subsist on a diet of coffee and barely picked at the meals your Mama brought you. 

The excited chatter about achieving your desired career had ceased; every waking moment was devoted to studying, striving and pushing yourself to excel. 

He was torn between supporting your incredible drive and ambition and fearing that you would burn yourself out. 

He longed to tell you that grades weren't everything, that your health and happiness mattered more than any test score or accolade, but he also knew how much your dreams meant to you, and the last thing he wanted was to hold you back. 

So, he remained in this limbo, silently watching and worrying, hoping that his brilliant daughter would soon realize the need for balance before the unrelenting demands of academia took too heavy a toll. A warm, solid touch on your shoulder—something which would have normally made you jump—was accepted gratefully and you felt yourself sinking into that feeling, digging deep within yourself for the strength to push even more, but the gravitational pull was too much and you leant against your father, deriving comfort from his tight embrace that now encircled you. 

“It’s late, darling,” your father’s velvet croon drifted to your ears and lulled you better than any lullaby your Mama used to hum to you, “come along.” 

And with the strength which you knew in your heart of hearts belonged to your Papa, he easily took you up in his arms and cradled you to him, carrying you out of the library to where he would return later to gather your possessions and set them safely aside for you to return to once you had slept. 

He treaded through the old house and quietly made his way to your Mama’s room, where he gently laid you down beside her. 

With a grateful smile and a tired yawn, you let yourself begin to get swept away by the tide of exhaustion under your father’s watchful eye. 

As worn down as you were, you still loathed to give up primes studying time, but your father knew when it was best to intervene and you never would have argued, despite all your Papa had taught you about sticking up for yourself. 

Both agreed this time, it seemed, and for their concern and overarching say so, you found yourself grateful because even you did not know when enough was enough. 

You were going to destroy yourself for the sake of creating a legacy for yourself and as poetic as it might have been, for your father, your needs always came first; he would have burned the entire world down for you to give you whatever you desired, but right now, as of this moment, the thing you needed most in the world, was your Mama, your Papa and him.  

Boys with dartboards on the backs of their doors // Erika x Eddie Munson (romantic)

summary: After weathering the storm of yet another breakdown, you and Eddie lay in bed together and he reminds you that it's okay to fall apart sometimes / 'your heart was his bullseye and he hit the mark on his first try'.

word count: 1,074

The room was still, save for the soft sound of their synchronized breathing.

You lay together on the bed, fingers intertwined, your head resting gently on his chest as his heartbeat resounded in your ear.

Your eyes were puffy with exhaustion, red-rimmed with the intermittent crying you had done throughout the day and over the last several weeks. 

Eddie was stretched out next to you, lanky limbs askew, his face etched with concern.

Gently, he reached for your hand, interlacing his fingers with yours. 

"Hey," he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper, "I just want you to know how proud I am of you. You're so strong, but you don't have to be all the time. It's okay to break down sometimes. It's okay to not be okay." 

He squeezed your hand, his thumb tracing circles on her skin. 

"I'm here for you, no matter what. I'll always meet you where you are. And if you can't walk on your own, I'll carry you the rest of the way. We're in this together." 

A wave of gratitude and love washed over you. 

He might have been young and silly at times, a bit immature and goofy, but in moments like this, his true heart shone through - kind, caring, steadfast.

 A reminder that even in your darkest moments, you weren't alone. 

You had him by your side, ready to face whatever lay ahead, hand in hand. No words and no platitudes were needed, just his steady presence beside you, an anchor in the storm of emotions that threatened to sweep you away. 

Raising your clasped hands, he pressed his lips softly to your knuckles. 

"I'm so proud of you," he repeated, his voice low and soothing in the quiet space between you. 

Eddie wanted his words to resonate—he knew how badly you needed to hear them.

“Don’t worry so much about if you crumble. I'll always be here to pick up the pieces and put you together again." 

You squeezed his hand in response, fresh tears welling up, but this time in gratitude for the beautiful soul beside you who, despite his youthful foibles, knew your heart so completely and loved you so unconditionally. Moonlight filtered in through gauzy curtains, casting an ethereal glow across tangled sheets and tear-stained cheeks and beside you, he shifted, the mattress dipping as he rolled to face you. 

You turned away and let him hold you from behind, cocooned within his embrace as he held you close until your breathing steadied and evened out. 

As you lay beside him, your gaze drifted to the dartboard hanging on the back of his bedroom door. The red and black rings formed concentric circles that were faded from years of use. 

The tiny pinprick holes scattered across its surface told the story of countless lazy afternoons spent tossing darts with his buddies, their laughter and friendly banter echoing off the walls.

But there was a darker symbolism there too, a foreshadowing of the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune that life would inevitably hurl his way. 

How many times would his heart be pierced, just like that dartboard, by disappointments and betrayals and heartbreaks? 

You closed your eyes and pictured his face in your mind, still soft with the innocence of boyhood, not yet hardened by the battles to come.

The dartboard seemed to whisper a bittersweet truth - that these precious moments of youthful bliss were fleeting, and that all too soon the carefree games of adolescence would give way to the harsh realities of manhood. 

You snuggled closer to him, breathing in his familiar scent, wanting to freeze this moment in time before the future could steal it away. As you lay there in his arms, you wondered which version of himself he channeled when he stood before that weathered target - the angry young man raging against the disappointments of adulthood, or the carefree boy he used to be. 

Perhaps, you mused, the dartboard represented the battle between those two selves, the struggle to hold onto remnants of youthful innocence while navigating an often harsh grown-up world. 

In the same way the dartboard had become a fixture in his room, that duality was etched into his very being.

In the same way the darts had pierced the target were you stabbed repeatedly by every little thing that flew into your orbit. 

You were used to the stinging pain that so often came your way, but now you were numb to it all because Eddie Munson was the soothing balm on your soul you had craved all these years, the buffer between an unkind world and the peace you so desperately craved to preserve when all else failed to hold up against the raging storm of life itself. 

Perhaps you were too deep within the trenches to see the light that shone within him, your own diminished by the cruel realities that had set in and threatened to plunge you into deep darkness, but you were not alone, and Eddie would guide you back to yourself, one baby step at a time. 

You and that dartboard were the same, it seemed, but rather than a battle or a game, or a target, you were a goal. 

You were the aspiration, the idea and the ending. 

You were all that Eddie strove to be and you were the girl he wanted to spend the rest of his days with, just like this, holding you close and showing you that, no matter where life took you or whatever it pushed you into or threw in your direction, you would never be in it alone. 

You had him, amongst others, and wherever you were in life, your loved ones would meet you there and remind you that, even in times of great darkness, there’s always a bit of light to be found once your eyes adjust. 

All you needed was a bit of time, a good cry and a shoulder to lean on and Eddie would be that for you, and whatever else you needed. 

He loved you beyond all measure and that would always be enough to find a way back into yourself. 

If you were a dartboard, then Eddie would hit the mark again and again, because you were his dream come true, the impossible shot that the world told him he’d miss; your heart was his bullseye and he hit the mark on his first try.  

The Manuscript // Erika x Arthur Fleck/Joker (romantic)

summary: Struggling with the ill effects of chronic autoimmune illness, you find yourself sitting outside of your new apartment on the stoop, coffee in hand and husband, Arthur Fleck, by your side as a shoulder to lean on both metaphorically and physically.

word count: 2,114

The morning sun caressed your pale skin as you sat on the weathered concrete steps outside of your apartment building, the sleeves of your oversized sweater bunched up above your elbows to expose as much flesh as possible to the nourishing rays. You closed your eyes and tilted your face skyward, savoring the gentle warmth on your cheeks, a welcome respite from the chilly air that hinted at autumn's imminent arrival. The iron deficiency that plagued your body left you perpetually exhausted and short of breath, a weariness that seemed to seep into your very bones, and the vitamin D deficiency only compounded your health woes, sapping you of strength and vitality.

But in stolen moments like these, alone in the early morning hush with the sun as your restorative tonic, you felt some of your tiredness fall away, replaced by a soothing peace and a flicker of hope that brighter days lay ahead. 

The creak of the heavy front door shattered your reverie, and you opened your eyes to see your boyfriend, Arthur, stepping outside with two steaming mugs of coffee in hand, a tender smile playing at the corners of his mouth. He settled beside you on the stoop and passed you a cup, the heat seeping into your chilled fingers as you gratefully accepted the offering. 

No words passed between the two of you just yet, but a contented sigh escaped your lips as you leaned your head on his shoulder, drawing comfort from his solid presence beside yours and the knowledge that whatever challenges your failing health might bring, you wouldn't have to face them alone.

This past year had been taxing, both on your health and happiness. Yet, the promise of a new year lingered on the horizon, growing brighter with each passing day, just like the rising sun. When the world finally sighed a collective breath of relief at its warmth and greeted the new day, you felt far less alone than you had the night before, when it had all come crashing down.

Sitting outside your shared apartment, you realized that life was far too precious to take at mere face value. This was a moment unlike any you had experienced before.

A mere six months prior, you felt like a caged animal, yet here you were, free and feeling, alive and rejuvenated, recharged beneath the blazing sun and the steaming mug cupped in your hands. 

As your head rested against Arthur’s shoulder, he wrapped an arm around you, desperate to feel every inch of connection between the two of you. You both longed for this intimacy like a parched traveler longs for water after a thousand-year drought, your lips cracked and throat scorched. But now as he drank you in, his thirst was quenched and his heart full. Here, with you, he felt safe, and knowing you felt the same way meant more than all the years you had spent together. 

Your lives were brighter for having each other as a part of this world, and you knew there was nothing you could not accomplish with Arthur by your side. As daunting as it was to imagine, your body had waged its war for far longer than you could remember.  Over time, you had grown accustomed to the unfairness of it all, accepting that this was simply the price you had to pay for uncompromised health - even though you would have sacrificed almost everything just to never have to deal with it again. This was the hand you had been dealt, and though you often kept your feelings close to your chest, afraid to reveal your next move and risk vulnerability, this love was above secrecy.

Deep down, you felt a betrayal to yourself hidden in the act of keeping Arthur in the dark.

Arthur was an open book to you, with nothing intentionally hidden or withheld.

Despite the hardships he faced, he would have braved even the fiercest storm to shield you from harm's way.

If it were possible, he would have willingly taken on your every hurt and sorrow, trading his own well-being to spare you from suffering.

You were eternally grateful for the peace he could never truly provide, though the silent promise was enough, even without the truest form of relief you had both chased for far too long. 

Arthur set his mug aside and turned you to face away, his long, slender fingers gently combing through your chestnut hair, tenderly untangling any knots that had formed.

You closed your eyes, savoring the feeling of the sun’s rays warming your skin and his loving touch on your scalp and neck, your shoulders and back. Now that your hair had grown to its desired length, you could feel every single graze of his fingers down your body, indicating which part of your hair he was attending to. 

Your soul could feel his fingers upon every year he had known you, like a tree with its rings, your hair growth was a love letter to the growth your spirit had done in the span of every month and year time had privileged you with and you treasured it, just like you did every second with him.

The repetitive, almost meditative motion of his hands working through your hair lulled you into a state of pure relaxation and comfort.

After he had effectively removed every knot, his delicate fingers began to weave intricate braids into her cascade of hair that glimmered with golden highlights in the bright sunshine. 

Your cares and worries faded away in this perfect, intimate shared moment. 

The street before you was quiet and still, with only the occasional bicycle gliding past or a neighbor walking their dog, but you are oblivious, lost in your own little world on the stoop, surrounded by the potted flowers and plants you had received from work friends, both his and yours, congratulations on your move to a new apartment, your first time on your own, the first step you had taken side by side into the wide world, moving in together and taking up space in each other’s private lives in a way you hadn’t thought possible until the moment it all came together like the last few pieces of a puzzle. 

The delicate scent of the blooms mingled with the smell of sun-baked concrete and a hint of your shampoo. 

Time slowed to a crawl, marked only by the steady rhythm of his braiding and the distant singing of birds, as you relished this pocket of simple, pure affection—a temporary escape from the hectic demands and fast pace of your lives. 

“You should come out here more often,” Arthur mused as the corner of his tongue poked out from between his lips in concentration as his fingers secured your silk scrunchie on the end of your first braid, “it’s good for you.”

He did well with sunlight too and it was reminiscent of houseplants, how positively you benefitted from the light, despite how much you preferred to cover up and march on to the steady drumbeat of time. 

You knew this was what your body needed and, even if you felt silly, you recognized the wisdom in the action and his words. 

“It helps,” you replied in your usual calm and relaxed tone, voice drifting on the gentle breeze that was blowing, melodic in its cadence and soft on the soul of anyone who heard it, “but supplements can and will do just fine.”

“It’s not that you don’t need those too,” he agreed, giving a soft snort of a chuckle, “but you’d be amazed by what a little sunlight can do.”

You might have laughed at the irony if it weren’t for the fact that he was right and he was out here too, after all. 

Slowing down could do wonders for the two of you and, even if you had to reach for these moments and take them for yourself when time allowed, though it rarely did. 

You knew it was worth it just to spend a little more time in his presence which you had gotten less and less of these days. 

You felt yourself nod, but the action itself seemed so distant, even to you, the one who had given it. 

You tilted your face upwards to bask in the sun’s warm glow and breathed deeply, inhaling the sweet fragrance of the flowers blooming around you. The golden rays penetrated deep into your body, their healing warmth seeping down into your bones and soothing the weariness that had settled there. 

You could feel the tension and fatigue slowly melting away, replaced by a sense of inner peace.

 The sun's radiance enveloped you like a comforting embrace akin to Arthur’s as he finished your second braid and settled an arm around you once again, its life-giving energy restoring your strength and vitality. 

In this tranquil moment, you were surrounded by the beauty of nature and bathed in sunlight, finding respite from the cares and burdens of your world, allowing yourself to simply be still and let the sun's healing touch work its magic on your body and soul. 

Time was nonexistent as you savored this restorative pause, feeling your spirit renewed and your energy replenished by the sun's generous gift.

Although now you knew, Arthur was the true gift. 

He was the sun in your otherwise darkened world, and you gravitated to him, a planet swirling in the dim, blackness of orbit, around him, the center of your entire universe. 

You sipped your coffee, appreciating the gentle burn of the hot liquid down your throat when you swallowed; this was what it meant to find sanctuary and learn to live again. 

After your tired sky had grown dark with the impending gloom of a torrential downpour, a rainbow of color beamed across the heavens and left you brimming with color once again. 

There was an odd comfort in the rain because it was something which you were used to and Arthur weathered the storm, always the one beside you, holding an umbrella above your head, both metaphorically and physically, when the sky really did open up and threaten to drench your most beloved body part (he knew how fiercely you hated getting your hair wet with rainwater.)

He had withstood his own test of time, braved the storm alone and waited for the sun to break through the clouds, but it hadn’t been until you came along that he felt the sun shining again. 

You were the light of his life, so it made sense why it had taken so long for the storm to clear. 

You had only been in each other’s lives for the last five years, but to both of you, it already felt like a lifetime. 

If this was the way it was meant to be, then it was just a means to an end, but once you found yourself surrounded by the love you had craved since the beginning, it was merely the end of an era, but the start of something much bigger. 

As you sat in the stillness of the day, your half-drank mug of coffee still cradled in your hands, you allowed your mind to wander back over the winding path of your life. 

In the quiet solitude, you reflected on all the experiences, challenges, and triumphs that had shaped you. It seemed like only yesterday that you were just a wide-eyed girl, nervously setting out on your journey into the great unknown, your heart fluttering with a potent mix of excitement and trepidation. Back then, the future stretched out before you like a blank canvas, waiting to be painted in bold strokes and vibrant hues. Little did you know the masterpiece that would emerge from all the messy splatters and errant brushstrokes. 

As you sifted through the pages of your memory, you marveled at how far you had traveled from those tentative first steps. 

Each chapter of your story was etched with hard-won wisdom, resilience forged in the fires of adversity, and an unshakable belief in your own strength. 

There were moments of soaring joy juxtaposed against valleys of sorrow, yet you had emerged from it all with a profound sense of pride and gratitude. For even though your tale was far from over, and the pen of fate still hovered above crisp, waiting pages, you knew that the most pivotal chapters had already been written by your own courageous heart. 

And that was a story truly worth celebrating.

Even if the story wasn’t your own anymore, you still liked to reread every page, just to remind yourself where you had come from and how proud you deserved to be. 

The Manuscript Pt. II

Every time I write you a new chapter, a piece of myself goes with it. When your heart can't remember what you've held yourself captive for, you can use mine for a little bit.

Even if my sands get wiped from your shores, you can always reread the manuscript, because I am with you now and forevermore.

---

I hope you like what I've written you, honey. I love you so very much and I miss you more and more every day we're apart (that feeling inspired the poem; being apart is so painful, but writing is a way for me to feel closer to you🫂)

Merry Christmas, darling. I hope you find some time today to take for yourself, to relax and spend time with your loved ones and reflect and destress from such a crazy, chaotically beautiful year.

I am so very proud of you and of all you've accomplished in one year! You are such a beautiful wise and inspiring soul and my life is better for having you in it. I can't wait to give you a big hug in September 2025🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

[inchidentally]

babe they're probably going to interact a the 2024 drivers photo today, as well as hanging out like they always do throughout the season? and even aside from that, car|ando is literally the biggest PR bromance for F1, Netflix, official social media accs, sports media, anything golf/F1 related, fan accs etc etc. there's going to be plenty of them being put together as always!

and unless you're going the car|ando truther route, nothing abt their relationship has changed over the years apart from Lando getting older and more confident? otherwise...

(since as uszh I've got variations on this ask and I already repeat myself so much, I'm going to throw the usual 'here's why you shouldn't rpf truth yourself into actual emotional instability' below - ignore if you've read it a million times)

listen I cut my teeth on rpf enjoying ships out from bromances but not once did I think any of the dudes were using 'hiding in plain sight' to have DL relationships or fucking bc well… actual closeted men are terrified of being outed and even more terrified of their bros thinking they're actually into them. closeted men go through any amount of hoops to keep their actual hookups or DL relationships private. fangirls are literally never going to even accidentally be allowed into that world. (I also have zero time for every single girlfriend being accused of being a "beard" or PR - like damn why doesn't that ever happen for ugly male celebrities I wonder why is it only ever hot guys in the closet kdgfjahgflasj)

the bigger and louder the bromance the more heterosexual it is. straight men in particular need excuses and certain codes like bromances and ferda to express physical affection and emotional vulnerability w each other. so think of it like when girl friends express platonic physical and emotional intimacy except with massive toxic insecurity involved. I slip slide on my gender on an exhausting basis but it's so easy to divide being platonically affectionate w someone vs the people I actually want or am sleeping with. (and not to go all elgeebeeteeplus here but if someone were making guesses about me then it would be the girls I was too anxious to physically touch or get too comfortable around who are the ones I clearly want)

so that's why I'm like, sure for fun ship Carlos Daniel and Lando with the millions of guys they have these bromances with why not - I do! but you'll end up missing their actual really quite sweet friendships if you constantly choose to selectively ignore them referring to each other as 'brothers', or how men's protective almost fatherly sides come out around Lando, or how Lando's introversion and anxiety finds comfort in big, loud self-assured guys who fill in the silence Lando has said he hates sometimes.

that is actually so meaningful and real compared to turning Lando into the feminized/childlike self-insert steak that is genuinely believed to be tossed around by other driver's teeth. I cannot relate to someone choosing to constantly rewrite a conspiracy theory every time these men choose to be with women and choose to not even speak for weeks or months and also openly having far more intimate and important friendships with other guys. that sounds utterly exhausting and all for nothing.

just give up on thinking Lando is "really" fucking any of these F1 guys and enjoy the rpf for what it is and also get to appreciate their friendships for what they are. your life will have so much less self-inflicted pain.

.

.

.

.like, thank god that so far no one in the landoscar ship is in denial that Lily is Oscar's gf and they're solid and that Lando is loving his global slut era. nobody's in hysterics whenever Lily or a possible hookup of Lando's appears. (and none of us are spreading hatred for Lando's other male friends)

[1d1195]

So I finally got around to reading protection and I thought it would be funny if I wrote down all my favorite parts bc I always wanna point them out, but I FORGET. It’s late and these are actually my live reactions bc im writing them in my notes as I read This will be long, this will probs be verryyy dumb (so if you don’t want to, pllsss don’t feel obligated to answer it, let it rot in your inbox😭)

The part where she’s like “hey niall! :D” and then switches up and yells at the supervisor 😭😭 AND NIALL IS JUST SHOOK BAHAHAHHA

Protocol. 

'He knew that she ended a lot of her doodles with little hearts'. As someone who always draws hearts every time I get my hand on a pen, I ADORE this little fact (there’s a statistic that says 56% of Americans write their first name when testing out a new pen, and I always say ‘well what’s the percentage of people who draw a heart cause it cant just be me’)

 Left covered in glitter and with a printed card that said Happy Holidays, but the L was a middle finger emoji. Funniest thing you’ve ever written actually. 

The whole codename talk OF COOURSE

protocol.

If he were my boyfriend this would be so controlling, I would be out of there in two seconds flat. Why am I liking all this? bc its harry duh, that man could throw me in the back of his trunk, leave me there for days, and I’d still be obsessed w him

It was next to impossible. She invaded his every thought. Like a little flower, a wildflower, poking through the cracks of his brain and growing where it shouldn’t.

Even if it was beautiful and lovely where it grew.

“I don’t care if y’don’t like me,” Harry knew that was a lie. He wanted her to like him so badly. unbelievably real, I get like this too harry dw

“Hate ‘em,” he nodded. She liked them. So, there was that; the olive theory would apply to them. THE OLIVE THEORY AWWWWWW

I was super psyched about the part where she cut her hand bc that literally happened to me today and ive got a huge gash & the napkins taped on me to prove it😭 (no harry to cheer me up tho smh🙄)

If I drank enough water, I would be too much for the world. She told him. I’d be unstoppable. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

he pressed his lips to her ear. “Is that why y’tense all the time? Just need t’come?” I SCREAMED

THE WHOLE SCENE AFTER THAT HELLO ???? DID YOU THINK THAT WAS OKAY ??? // tell everyone my cause of death was this: “Gonna listen t’me?” He asked. She nodded, gasping for air that didn't smell like Harry but enjoying that it did. “Say it,” he murmured. “For all the times y’didn’t.”

protocol !!!!!

Literally nothing abt chapter 7 because where the fuck would I even begin

Everything about chapter 8 was PERFECT I have no clue what you were worried about because girl I was HOOKED it was just PLOT PLOT PLOT the writing was AMAZING, the twists were AMAZING, her planning (or yours ig) AMAZINGGGGG, THE SHOOTING HER AS A DISTRACTION ????? HOLY FUCK

I will say tho, L harry cause I really wanted him to kill the dude😞

“Feel like this’ll be more paperwork for you. Just shoulda died,” ROLLING OVER IN MY GRAVE SHE’S SOOO FUCKING FUNNY HAHAHAHAHAH

cant believe u almost killing her was not enough for you LMFAOOOO

It wasn’t the time, but it was quite hot the way he held her trapped against her bed. She’s literally just a girl🎀

“What’s your favorite song?” She asked so innocently Harry could have cried. Your honor I LOVE her

I cannot believe that she literally got kidnapped AGAIN ???? BY HER FATHER ???? THIS POOR POOR GIRL

It was quite a humble moment for her. All those years of torturing agents and creating mountains of paperwork, building walls up so she didn’t even need protection...now they would probably let her die as the opportunity had presented itself. OUCH OUCH OUCHHHHHHHHHH

Harry’s gonna go gray before I finish this chapter

 He was strongly considering (and hoping) asking her if they could just put a chip in her. HAHAHAHAH as if. I will deadass settle for like a 200 hundred blurb JUST of that conversation between them

Diving into the chilly winter water, he hoped it wasn’t too late to save her again. This might be your most committed couple yet omg (no pun intended)

Ive never been happier to have not read a fic as you posted it because Samantha I SWEAR TO GOD this woulda drove me insane😭 IT DID DRIVE ME INSANE AND I WAS BINGE READING (I would’ve turned gray faster than harry)

“The hell is that?” He mumbled trying to make sense of the monstrosity on her lap. PFFTTTTTT love that crocheting is a styles’ family thing in this bc yes absolutely. im just picturing lil harry staying up late watching videos online to try to learn so he could be better than Gemma

im ADORING his constant worrying abt her getting a headache😭 its the sweetest thing ever

It was a crochet kit: a beginner's book, a set of hooks, and three different colored yarns. SHUT UPPPPP ITS AN INITIATION AHHHHH

“We’re gonna have to cope the way we need to. I will be my usual, hilarious self. And you can be mopey.” She’s literally me thank uuuu

The whole scene?? Youre my whole heart, completely exposed to the world ???? RIP me, rest in peace me, I. Died. Dead. 

“Wildflower, definitely wildflower.” 10 dead. 29 injured. ahhHHHHHHHH

Girl I am soooo sorry and like I said you absolutely don’t have to reply I just thought this would be fun and it might make you smile, also u deserve to know just how greatly appreciated your writing is, every bit of it <3

~🎶

So I truly enjoy everything I write (except Love and Dryer Sheets). I know inherently that Traditional is more popular but I think if I had to pick a favorite, Protection is by far my favorite story. I guess if I had to qualify maybe my favorite of 2023 at least. Idk what it was about it, I just loved writing every moment of it, I enjoyed my weird little dialogues and the silly little inside jokes. I thought the MC was really strong and wonderful--I aspire to be like her, ya know? Writing Harry's parts is always fun too but I think Protection Harry is the mushiest but shyest of them (probs because of his job) so getting him to open up to her was really fun to write too. idk.

ALL OF THIS TO SAY this is quite possibly the sweetest and nicest thing anyone has done for one of my stories. I love this so so so so so much. There are so many parts you pointed out that I cared SO deeply for that didn't necessarily get pointed out when I originally wrote it. It was so sweet to read them again from someone else's perspective. I probs won't catch everything but please know that I got this from you at 5 in the morning yesterday and I have read it no less than 100 times because I'm so honored that you enjoyed it enough to take notes 😭😭 and every single one made me SO happy and smiley.

I just read about the statistic about writing your name when handed a pen in a book I was reading! I bet the heart thing is a pretty cool stat too (whatever it is!).

PUTTING ME IN A TRUNK SAME.

nothing about part 7 I'm screaming 😂

I've mentioned it in another ask but when I write suspenseful things I already know where the suspense is leading so I just get super in my head about it because I think it's obvious about where it's leading?

You have ignited a new extra regarding putting a tracking chip in her 🤭

she is really funny tbh hehehehehe I like to believe I'm funny too because I like to think that's how I would react to a lot of these scenarios.

she IS just a girl (and she really just wants to get railed by Harry quite frankly. I think she deserves it lol she's been through a lot)

Almost killing her was the main part the kidnapping was extra because I was like "Aw crap, I forgot to tie up the daddy issues line" whoops hahahahahahaha

Idk if they crochet, I hope they do. I just needed something that siblings could argue over. I would kill to know what the sibling dynamic is between Harry and Gemma. It's gotta be hilarious.

I think Harry is going to worry about her the rest of his life and you're so right, he would go gray because of her hehehehehe

SAMANTHA hahahahahahaha I was thinking you would have hated to read this as I was writing it lol

10 dead 29 injured 😭💕 - I think most endings of my stories suck but again, I love this story so much, I humbly think I did a better job on this one 💕

in general the bullets where you quoted some of what I wrote was really sweet too. The part about not getting help because of how she treated them, the olive theory, the part about water, harry wanting her to like him, etc. etc. That really means so much to me that it seemed worth pointing out again 😭 thank you thank you thank you.

If there was anything I didn't reply to, it wasn't intentional, I just know this is the longest ask ever and I love it so much but I feel like it's going to continue forever if I don't stop 😭💕💕

YOU ARE THE BEST THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS! IT'S SO WONDERFUL 💕

xoxo

[fumikomiyasaki]

❤️ for anyone- >:3

I adore you

"What I love about Onyx... oh my I could probably talk hours about this but let me give you the shortened version. I adore this mystery aura keeping me wanting to figure out more about her, those pretty piercing eyes who give me a shiver each time they strike me, the beauty of those thighs being hugged by stockings and nice dresses... that she is honest with her dismay towards me, that even covered in blood she looks more stunning than anything... her dedication to her writing and crafts.... that blush when a compliment of mine hits her... even the pain she gaves me is far more comforting than the pain I already been through... she truely is a precious gem among them all to me... one I want to keep close and claim as mine each day I can... even if it has to be with some marks she might want to hide. I am just teasing.~ Or maybe not."

"About Keisuke? I do love the time we spend together a lot. Playing games, making theories, cuddling while watching something, going to cafes for some tea and snacks... He is also just adorable when I get him flustered I can't help but to feel so happy about it and just want to hug him more. This messy hair of his is sweet to ruffle as well or to share a book in the library and place a kiss on his cheek. Even if it can be tiring with both our bothers but.. I take that risk... he kinda always understands what is on my mind and knows what to do when I need it... and I was impressed that even when I get annoyed by Barry or Yasuno he managed to stand up to them... If he reads his poems to me his voice calms me cause its so soothing to me... what I wanna say is I think there is just a lot why I hold him dear and cherish him.... but I often hope I don't bother him too much with things... I want to leave him his space but the urge to just be close and affectionate and slightly teasing to him is too high... I just can't help it. <3 "

"I would say... even if I call him my Angel I really think I can't say anything without being judged or look at wrong here so... how do I say this... He is beautifull.... attractive... but also quite a mess to deal with... I regret telling him a lot of my preferences.... as well as some of my... odder sites... first I had a blond who didn't accept what he is and now I am with a blonde who is the one exposing me... um we did talk what I love about him... Despite being an annoyance he does actually give me what I need and for the money I hand him he does make me feel good enough so I guess... I love him cause he is one of the few who is there despite my oddities."

"I am already a hot mess just thinking about the boss... this strict tone he has with me... with that firm grip of his hands... this nice body I see move during practise... this buttery voice getting angry with me.... he has talent, looks and strength, what else can I want more?... on Serious note I also admire him as a person as well... he knows how to handle the performances more than anyone But I still can't get help being distracted by his- *he was dragged away by April* "

"Dawn... she makes me feel more comfortable in this untrusting world... being close to her feels like a short nice dream I don't want to end. She is as pretty as the morning sun... Eyes to get lost in and holding her close feel feels like you embrace a cloud yourself. I want to keep anything that would hurt her away just to see that smile each day... I enjoy just having a quiet time where we lean against another or she makes her treats while I finish my work... she is also so precious sleeping in my arms... I do feel the stars brought me to her and I won't let her go no matter what."

"W-why do you bring him up? Geez... well he is handsome in a way... he is reliable... does at least have good manners and doesn't cause me a headache like some others.... b-but its not like I like him that much.... or do I?... I just don't know myself... sometimes when I talk to him I feel my heart pumping... I feel despite the flames he throws drawn to him... and its admirable to still have a family you care about cause.... I can't say the same... I guess you could say I like him because he makes me have hope more in people I meet and that some are comfortable to be around but... I hate to admit I dreamed about him at times... I will stop talking and don't you dare tell anyone about this."

*blushing* "I feel like I am under a spell each time I talk to her... like she enters my mind against my will and twists it to her ways... how come a lowley servant like me be this close to demon royalty I won't ask myself anymore cause it just happened but... I just feel her tapping my shoulder and my brain flipped a switch that makes me a fool for her I admit it. How come her kisses make me long for more.. it made me even think giving up on my current positions but... Kimon is important to me as well... I do love Cattleya to the point it drives me mad given how her voice and actions draw me in but this at this point makes me question myself with how bad it is..."

[plexussystem]

[Definitely not mad, just following up a bit confused] This didn't make much sense to me, unfortunately, aspects felt quite backwards. [Some quick lore:] I'm a disabled agoraphobe in their 30's- I wasn't allowed to keep anyone in my life my parents didn't strictly approve of (and they had horrid taste in others, being abusers themselves). I was unable to maintain relationships from schooling and am unable to work, so I can't make job friends.

Knowing someone better generally makes me enjoy them less because I can witness many more of their (potentially) negative behaviors. The less I know someone the more likely I am to either not notice their existence at all, or simply assume the best since I have no experiences to base who they are off of. I find your example curious because I would experience an opposite response to what you must. [How unfortunate]

Civility *is* being nice, though. A fake smile and smalltalk are 2 energy drainers that do not come naturally to me. Smalltalk is something I only do to get through a quick an awkward transaction, generally, to be kind - like at the cash register, I will not maintain it beyond social necessity or id have to go to bed at least an extra hour early each night. Small talk comes across like baby talk for weird neurotypical adults. It is a social structure that I find entirely innapropriate, inconvenient and ultimately unhelpful. It's not truly breaking the ice because it always maintains surface level. Smalltalk gives me the ick, plus it feels entirely Fake, like bad theatrics.

I don't understand how blunt honesty is rude - if I don't appreciate someone around me I'm not going to pretend to tolerate them in my space to both give them false confidence and a lingering wrong idea. I'd much prefer someone Not beat around the bush if they dislike me, it is not my interest to maintain falsehoods, they're a waste of everyone's time and energy which seems far more rude in the long run. I wouldn't want to be strung along to waste my own time and experience and I wouldn't want that for another, either.

I find lables exceptionally helpful for me for mental categorization purposes. I too allow the other person to claim the label to know where we're at, I wouldn't want to rudely assume incorrect but I do need to know where they feel we are currently at so I can respond appropriately both emotionally and socially (like how to reference them in convo w/ another).

Thanks for you're response! I know i asked about it 6months ago but was recently wondering about others answers. It sounds like i may be wired a bit backwards, socially. I have my own theories of course but I wonder what causes this sort of dysfunction.

what i've learned from my attempts to be more active in discords and other online communities is you just have to show up and participate in conversation and even if youre a little annoying or awkward eventually people will grow a fondness to you out of familiarity alone