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ashleighalba · 1 year ago

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Jeremiah’s Selfish Summer: Me, Myself, and a Little Bit of Belly

*Jeremiah* In a perfect world, I wouldn't have to make this decision but I've never been so sure of anything. I know my mom has been through so much this past year and I would love to spend this summer with her but I have to do what's best for me. I know she’s getting sicker as the days go on and our time together is limited but she’ll never admit how much pain she is in and it kills me that her days are numbered. But I'll see her when summer is over and hey maybe I'll come back for the fourth with my dad so we can all spend time together just like the good old days. I don't know, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic but it just feels right. You saw the way they looked at each other the second she got out of the car you can't tell me it didn't mean anything�� I will never stand a chance against him cmon it's Conrad Fisher for God's sake, the golden boy. I don’t think anyone will agree with my decision but this is the first summer I am finally going to put myself first.

A few days later…

Jeremiah: Hey Mom do you have a second, I've had something on my mind that I wanted to talk to you about.

Susannah: Yeah what's up honey?

Jeremiah: I’ve been thinking a lot about this and I think I want to spend this summer in the city with Dad I know it's not ideal but I figured since I'm going to be a junior this upcoming year it would probably be best if I begin doing things to add to my resume this summer and maybe go to a few football camps to get a headstart.

Susannah: Oh honey, why would you want to waste your summer? Those things will be waiting for you when you get back. You've never cared about those things and moments like these we spend together as a family are so precious, none of it is guaranteed and could be ripped away from you in seconds. I know you have your mind set on this but please think about it, it could be the last summer we get to spend all together.

Jeremiah: I know Mom and as difficult it was to make this decision I have to do what is best for me. I'll miss you guys like crazy, but hey I'll see you for the fourth. I already talked it over with Dad and he said he's excited to have someone to keep him company while everyone else is away. I leave first thing tomorrow morning and I just wanted to give you a heads-up.

Susannah: OK, keep me updated and if you change your mind let me know and I'll make the drive up to go get you right away.

Jeremiah: Thank you for understanding. I love you.

*Jeremiah* It kills me that I had to lie to my mom about something like this because I tell her everything she’s my best friend. But how am I supposed to tell her that I don’t want to spend all summer watching the girl that I thought I would marry and grow old with one day be so madly in love with my older brother? She was supposed to be my girl, she was supposed to be my future wife…

A month and a half later…

*Jeremiah* This summer has been exactly what I needed. I hope they're all doing well at the beach house. I miss my family a lot but I met a nice girl and I think I’m gonna take her with me to the beach house for the Fourth of July. Her name is Lilly and my dad said it would be okay and it would be nice for her to meet Mom. Being we became official this last week I know it was quick but it’s been a while since I've met someone who gets me the way she does. It's refreshing.

The Fourth of July… *Arriving at the beach house*

*Jeremiah* I'm excited for everyone to meet Lilly, especially my mom and Laurel gosh I've missed them a lot. This summer had been very refreshing and boy was it nice to not have to think about Belly and Conrad. Oh no, I forgot about Belly, I forgot about her feelings. How is she gonna feel about Lilly? Well, there's not much I can do now we're pulling in… Belly and I lock eyes almost instantly as I get out of the car Belly races towards me and jumps into my arms. I spin her around. Something about her being back in my arms just feels right. I didn't think I would feel this way, especially since I’m with Lilly now. But there's just something about her beautiful smile, the way her hair frames her face so perfectly, my stomach fills with butterflies when she smiles at me there's just something about her I can't help it, Belly has and will always have a special place in my heart. Oh no, Lilly, I turned back around and helped Lilly out of the car, and as she stepped out of the car the smile on Belly’s face dropped and her face went blank. She asked who was this and I introduced her to everyone. Guys this is Lilly she came to spend the fourth with us this year.

Belly: Oh that's nice of you to bring a friend.

Jeremiah: No Belles she's my girlfriend.

Belly: GIRLFRIEND!?!?!

Steven: Nice bro now we can go on double dates with Shyla!

Lilly: A double date sounds like a lot of fun, it's nice meeting you all Jerimiah has told me a lot about you guys.

Susannah: Here let me help you guys with your bags. Come on Lilly I’ll show you around and where you will be staying with Jerimiah.

Lilly: Sounds good thank you for showing me around, if you don't mind I'm gonna go find Jerimiah.

*Lilly hears Jerimiah and Belly in the living room and peeks around the corner*

Belly: Jere why would you bring her here you know this is supposed to be family only it's time we are supposed to spend all together before our last few weeks of summer, not for your little girlfriend.

Jeremiah: You don't get to do that. You don't get to act like you finally care about me and tell me what to do with my life. You've spent your whole life throwing yourself at Conrad any chance you got and I had to beg for your attention. And now all of a sudden you care about who I’m with and what I'm doing. I don’t wanna hear it.

Belly: What are you talking about? So that’s the reason you chose to leave all summer because of me and Conrad? We are nothing.

Jeremiah: That's exactly why I left, is that what you wanted to hear? I left because I couldn't stand watching the love of my life throw herself at my older brother.

*Lilly enters the room*

Lilly: She's the love of your life?

Jeremiah: No Lilly it's not like that I didn't mean…

*Lilly takes off *

Belly: Jere I’m sorry

Jeremiah: Just stop can’t you see you've done enough?

*Jeremiah chases after Lilly*

Jeremiah: Lilly please stop, let me explain.

Lilly: What is there to explain, you promised me you were over her.

Jeremiah: I know and for that, I'm sorry I never meant to hurt you. I thought I was but I guess I’m not. Please understand that my feelings for you are real but I do wish I would have told you about my feelings towards Belly these types of feelings don’t just go away you have to understand that.

Lilly: It's okay I know there's a lot of history between you… She did seem pretty hurt by us maybe you should go see what those feelings were about.

Jeremiah: Thank you for understanding, I hope we can still be friends. I genuinely do care about you.

Lilly: Go on go get her.

*Jeremiah runs off*

Jeremiah: Hey Mom, have you seen Belly anywhere?

Susannah: I think she went to the dock honey why what's up?

Jeremiah: Thanks, I'll explain later.

*Jeremiah sprints to the dock and sees Belly from afar, except there's someone else with her it’s Conrad…*

*Jeremiah* Of course she ran back to him as she always does. Why would I even try? In a perfect world, she would realize I’m the one who truly cares for her, who understands her in a way Conrad never will. But no, she keeps going back to him, like a moth to a flame, blinded by some illusion of love. What does she see in him anyway? He’ll never love her the way I love her. He doesn't know the depths of her soul as I do, the way her laughter dances like the sunlight on water or the way her eyes hold a universe of emotions. Yet she keeps choosing him time and time again, leaving me here to pick up the shattered pieces of my heart. But maybe one day she will realize, maybe one day she will see that I'm the one who truly loves her, the one who would do anything to make her happy. And maybe, just maybe, she’ll finally choose me over him. But when that day comes, and she finally waits, I’ll be gone because my heart can't handle any more hurt, and if she does choose me, who knows how long her love for me will last? I truly hope she finds everything she ever wanted in him. Please take care of her the way I never got the chance to.

#team jeremiah #the summer i turned pretty #teamconrad #team conrad #tsitp #conrad fisher #jeremiah fisher #belly x conrad #belly x jeremiah #susannah fisher #lola tung

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dangersam · 1 year ago

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Hey everyone, time for a long overdue update!

Combustion Engines - Not Ready Just Yet

By this point, I was hoping to have combustion engines done. I tried a purely physics based approach, using separate cylinder, piston, con-rod, & crank rigidbodies, and applying a force to the piston based on the current angle of the crank. This worked reasonably well, but had problems with "phantom forces" whereby the engine got torque applied to it, sometimes flipping over the vehicle it's in. Also, using physics for all the parts like this has RPM limitations, and doesn't scale that well for sim performance.

So I've decided to change tack slightly, I still want to keep the appearance of the moving parts (i.e. pistons and con-rods), but my plan is now to procedurally animate these in code. There's not really any need to use physics as these parts can't collide with anything when inside an engine. To apply torque to the crankshaft, I'm working on something similar to the electric motors, but with a different torque curve.

Hopefully I'll be able to get this done soon, but in the meantime I thought it would be good to get a small update out. Here's what's in it…

Parts

There are now some slider versions of the 1-Hole and 2-Hole connectors, some new "angle axle" connectors, and a larger centrifugal clutch.

Also, the rounded beams can now be resized one unit smaller than before.

Part Behaviours

I've improved how the invert option works for parts with a single key bind (e.g. brakes), adding a separate invert option for the joystick axis.

You can now type in values for any part behaviour slider, by right clicking it. Even values beyond the normal slider range can be entered (but no guarantees the physics won't blow up with higher RPMs or torques!)

No Collide Tool

For those who want to bypass part collisions in their builds, I've added a new "PartCollision" script mod tool that can be used to disable part collisions. Parts with their collision disabled will still collide with the ground, but nothing else.

Here are the full release notes:-

New parts:-

"1-Hole Slider" and "2-Hole Slider" connectors.

Angle axle 90, 180, 3 x 90, & 4 x 90 connectors.

Centrifugal clutch x3.

Rounded and half rounded beams can now be resized one unit shorter.

Added "invert axis" option to part behaviour joystick axis settings.

In brake, clutch, and differential part behaviours, replaced "invert direction" option with "invert control", which properly inverts their control behaviour.

By right clicking a slider in the part behaviour settings, it's value can now be edited by typing in a number.

Shortcuts (Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V) for copy and paste in part behaviour settings.

A construction can now be unfrozen (via the construction UI) while the player is seated in it.

Lowered minimum mouse sensitivity values.

Added methods to IConstructionOperations to set whether parts are collidable (and added IsCollidable property to IPart interface).

Added new PartCollision script mod.

Bug fixes.

Upgraded to Unity 2021.3.34.

#gearblocks #sandbox games #indie games #game development #steam

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suotar · 4 months ago

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hello,

i hope this is OK. you answered the other anon with such kindness. i’m hoping you can help me with some advice.

it kills me that joe would never look at me/that i’ll never be with him. the thought of seeing him with someone makes me sad because i know they’ll be everything i’m not and never can be. it’ll be some gorgeous model or actress and i’m just not even in that ball park.

how do i cope with these feelings? its truly awful.

Hello there little gray face!

I don't know how good I am in giving advice but I'll try.

I know the feelings you're going through, I've been there myself with other musicians and actors, not quite recently though. I'm no swan myself so it wasn't always easy to get past those feelings.

First of all: I guarantee you, you yourself very likely think less of your looks than anyone else does. We often put ourselves down in a way we would never put others down just because we know the insecurities within us that hurt most.

When I was younger I remember feeling that no one will ever want me because I wasn't pretty in some certain way, always something wrong with me this or that way. However, throughout the years five different men have been interested in me romantically (both when I was single and after I already was taken) and I know it has always been because we've connected on some deeper level, mostly by having the same kind of stupid lame sense of humor and enjoying philosophy, science fiction and/or the same kind of music.

So, it turned out me being pretty had nothing to do with finding a partner.

Looks are fleeting and I feel that each time I look at the mirror nowadays, at the ripe age of close to 50, and can see the years on my face. If I had based any of my relationship on looks, I'd have no chance now.

It's such a cliché but it's so true: what matters most is who you are and how you treat others, especially those who are less fortunate than you and those who can't choose for themselves.

Everyone is born looking like something and there's limited amount of things we can do to change that. But we can always always try to be kinder and try to be better while not taking any bs from ourselves or from others. And another good thing to do is to never compare yourself to others, only compare yourself to who you were yesterday. Because you can't change others, you can only change yourself.

Anyway, most people, probably including you, aren't looking for the most gorgeous partner in the world but someone who's pretty amazing inside. Everything else comes after that.

What comes to your feelings of hurt when you see Joe with someone else; that's unfortunately what most people who'd want to be with him have to face. There's just one Joe to go around.

It's good to remember that we get a very limited view into who the real Joe Keery is. We see only the side of him he wants us to see through his social media, interviews, performances and his music. He wears his heart on his sleeve on the album but it's just a part of him. We don't even know into what extent the Joe who wrote those songs is there anymore because he's probably processed things through by writing the music and maybe grown as a person as a result.

So, for us who look at him as fans through his work and social media, we only see maybe 5% of the real man, the tip of the iceberg. While it's clear that Joe is a great person in general, none of us fans know who he really is or what really goes on inside his head.

Maybe you can take comfort in that – even though it hurts like hell at first – that for us fans there's no way to get to know him in private. Because if there's no way to get to know him for real, how can you know he'd be the right one for you? You can't love someone you have never had a proper, private one-to-one discussion with.

All we really can do as fans, when he eventually finds someone who he wants to be with, is to be happy for him and hope that the person he's chosen is someone who treats him right, no matter how they look.

I don't know how much this helped, but I hope at least a little.

Know that you're beautiful 💜 Don't let your brain tell you otherwise.

#Asks #answered #anonymous #joe keery

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thebibliosphere · 3 years ago

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So, I've been getting a few "hey, so now you're fixed, you're going to write books faster now, right?" type messages, and hmmm. That's a loaded word right there. "Fixed."

Yeah, not too keen on that word.

What I assume these people mean to do is congratulate me on finding out a major cause of distress and illness in my life and offer well wishes for my continued relief and recovery. I assume that's what was really meant. But just to entertain the first part of that ask, no, I am not "fixed."

There is no "fixing" the kind of chronic illness or disabilities I have. My ailments are genetic and lifelong, and if you're new here, newly diagnosed at the start of the pandemic, so my treatment thus far has been limited. Most of it is things I have pieced together myself.

That I've been able to do anything over the last year when I suffered 215+ migraine days on top of the connective tissue disorder I have, and the other condition that causes spontaneous anaphylaxis--not to mention the unmedicated ADHD I cannot treat with meds (yet)--is nothing short of miraculous.

So, now that my migraines are improving thanks to finding out I have binocular vision disorder on top of all the other stuff, will I be writing books faster?

I can only hope so.

But I also cannot say, "yes, absolutely, one book a year from here on out," because I just do not have the physical and mental capacity to guarantee that. Nor am I going to inflict that kind of mental and physical torture on myself (again) because it's the exact kind of thing that causes my health to crash and burn. And here's the thing:

Every time I burn myself out. Every time I push myself too far to keep up, it takes longer and longer to recover. The harder I push myself, the fewer books I will produce. That's the truth of it.

So I get it, it's frustrating. You want more of the fun thing (and thank you so much for loving what I do!), but you'll have to bear with me a little bit longer.

I am finding my stride as a multiply disabled creator, and I've spent the last two years untangling the guilt and imposter syndrome I experience over being "popular" but not being well enough to produce work at the same pace as everyone else around me.

I have worked out a system that I hope will be sustainable instead of leading to the continuous cycle of burnout I was trapped in for 10+ years as an editor. I have safety nets and supports in place that I didn't have before, and hopefully, those will help too. Time will tell.

Am I excited to get back to work? Absolutely. I'm ecstatic at the prospect of having fewer migraine days and more coherent brain days. But I'm also going to take my time to enjoy the process as well. I'd like to enjoy the things I write too. And I hope you can appreciate that.

So thank you for understanding, and for your patience. If you decide you can't wait, I'll understand. But please don't send authors, even able-bodied, neurotypical ones, messages like that. It's unkind. And I don't think any of you mean to be unkind.

#personal #author stuff #I really hope this doesn't come off as nasty #but the word 'fixed' is making the depression gremlins rabid #and I needed to say something

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years ago

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Buster & Rio

Buster: I miss you Rio: Guarantee I miss you more Buster: State your case then Rio: 😍😍 Buster: That's a strong introduction, how are you gonna follow it through? Rio: 🤤🤤 Buster: I like the thread of your argument, I can't lie, but I still miss you more Buster: 'Cause a girl was flirting with me in the gym and after telling her all the ways she doesn't compare to you, how incomparable you are was, and is, all I could think about Rio: As much as I probably shouldn't encourage you to be rude to random girls Rio: I love that you do so Buster: She embarrassed herself long before I embarrassed her, reckoning she had a chance Rio: I know what you mean Rio: the stalker has been getting inventive today Buster: Tell me Rio: We're doing this whole project in comp sci about viruses and shit Rio: and they've sent a meant-to-be-creepy spam type email Rio: it's got attachments but Rio: I've not looked yet Buster: Send it to me, I'll open it for you Rio: I know it's unlikely they're that smart Rio: but what if it does have some computer-killing 👾 attached? Buster: Smart enough that we haven't worked out who they are yet Buster: but if it's a virus, I'll buy another laptop Rio: it seems ridiculous Rio: this proves it has to be someone at school now, at least Rio: it's not like I've posted about my fucking homework anywhere Buster: How big's that class? Buster: Can discount my sister and your brother already, like Rio: Don't Rio: you're about the only person I've not thought it could be at my craziest Rio: probably about 30 odd though, standard Buster: Baby, they're the crazy one and I'm not letting them drive you even slightly close to the edge Buster: Who do you know and who don't you, percentage wise? Rio: I thought I knew everyone in this school, this town Rio: you'd think if someone was as creepy as this, anyway, that you'd know, they'd fucking stick out a bit but no Buster: It ain't a film, there's no creepy music playing to give it away Rio: if it was, it'd be dragging Rio: time for the resolve and happy ending Buster: Yeah, I know Buster: You wanna try calling that helpline again? Rio: Maybe Rio: I just wanna talk to you Rio: that's more helpful Buster: It's the least bullshit lead we've had for ages, I'll find a way to narrow it down more somehow Buster: We've got an obsession with you in common, it'll be me who figures it out if any cunt can Rio: Yours is the only one I need Buster: If you need to stay here for a while I'll sort it with my parents, yours, school, whoever Buster: You know that Rio: I know Rio: it's more and more tempting to not leave every time I go Buster: I just want you to be able to take an actual deep fucking breath Buster: Like you said, the amount of time this has been going on is ridiculous Rio: I can forget about it, most of the time Rio: but it's when something new happens, unexpected Buster: I'll kill him when we work out who it is Buster: 'Til then, stay with me Buster: He never does fuck all when you're here Rio: At least that's quick Rio: too nice if anything, babe Rio: always say that about you Buster: It don't have to be quick or nice Buster: Don't underestimate me, babe Rio: 🤤🤤 I rest my case Buster: I love you, that rests mine Buster: I'd do anything for you Rio: I love you so much Rio: I'd definitely be crazy without you, stalker or otherwise Buster: There's a fair chance I'd be stalking you too if things were any different between us Buster: I'd leave better presents though Rio: and I'd know it was you always Buster: 'Course Buster: I'd want you to know Rio: hence there's no world in which we ain't a thing Buster: [has bought her the most expensive and best ever anti virus software and all that jazz so sends her the deets like there you go] Rio: this really has everything Rio: thank you Buster: He ain't gonna be smart enough to get through that, I've been reading reviews since you told me Buster: And I have it too now so you don't have to worry about sending me whatever bullshit he does to you Rio: We can open it together then? Rio: [I think it shouldn't be camgirl moments but something @school to drive that home] Buster: Yeah, on the count of three Rio: [just some creeper shots all throughout the day up until that lesson] Rio: these are today, I'm 99% sure Rio: I swapped my bag Buster: Forget going there tomorrow, I'm booking you a flight here instead Buster: I'll think of a lie to tell my parents if you still don't want anyone else to know the truth Rio: there was always the possibility Rio: but now I know it's someone I really see in person Rio: every day Rio: jesus Buster: I meant what I said, I'm gonna find out who, whatever it takes Buster: I know it feels fucked, but it's good, that it's one of 30 classmates rather than the numbers of lads who watch your streams Rio: it's true Rio: but those lads could be anywhere in the world, not in the same room as me Buster: Which is why you shouldn't be in that room until we know which sick cunt it is Buster: Just give me some time, it's not like I don't have the money to throw at it Rio: I couldn't be there if I had to Rio: I don't even want to be here at home now Buster: How soon can you be at the airport? Rio: not for a while Rio: I mean, tonight, maybe Rio: what should I tell my mam? Buster: Tell her I'm having a breakdown, it wouldn't be the first time Buster: I'll trash the house for realism if it comes to it, like Rio: it'll keep her from being worried Rio: pissed off is fine, I'll deal with that when I can Buster: Exactly Buster: And Ava's at a friend's so I don't have to worry about scaring the shit out of her with my acting Buster: 'Cause it'd be stupid not to feed my parents the same lie Rio: You don't have to go that method Rio: but I wouldn't blame you Rio: I'm trying to keep my freak out internal because I'm looking after the twins and your sister is on her way Buster: I'm glad you're not on your own, even if the company is Nance Rio: I was kinda hoping someone took the homework too seriously and was pranking the whole class Rio: but nah, the email was more specific than I let on to her, of course Rio: even before the pictures Buster: 'Course you were Buster: He'd been quiet for a while Rio: really think he'd get bored at some point Rio: I never react, respond, everything they tell you Buster: Now isn't really the time for me to reiterate how stalkable you are again when I can do better with compliments Rio: the fact you can make me smile even at this time Buster: I can do better than that too, I'll make you forget about it Rio: yeah? Buster: Yeah Rio: I need that Rio: my head is all over the place Buster: You've got it, and whatever else you need Rio: I only feel really safe when I'm with you Buster: You are safe with me, but you won't have to leave until you're also safe everywhere else Buster: I'm gonna fix it Rio: yeah Buster: I know I've said it before but this time I swear Buster: He fucked up by giving us a decent clue Rio: it does narrow it down Rio: even if it isn't the class, and it's just the school in general Rio: that's the most we've ever had to go on Buster: Exactly Rio: but what do we do Rio: if we work it out Buster: I told you, I'll kill him Rio: so you're the only one that ends up in prison Buster: I'm not a fucking amateur, babe Rio: mm Rio: 🙄😏 Buster: Hilarious Buster: Nance will be a way more receptive audience though Rio: yeah, really in the mood for this study sesh now Buster: I can easily change hers if you wanna get out of it Rio: nah Rio: I need to keep things normal Rio: only just invited her over, it'd be weird to change my mind Buster: You can blame me for that as well, I don't give a shit Rio: I can't leave yet, like you said, distraction is probably a good thing Buster: Alright, what can I do to make it a more bearable one? Buster: [loads of her fave things getting delivered to this gaff like don't be scared to answer your door, look they are all from me, here's the order confirmations] Rio: I don't deserve you Buster: You don't deserve the bullshit he's putting you through, you've always deserved me Rio: I feel like I should just Rio: stop the streams Rio: I know you aren't meant to change your lifestyle and habits for them but it wouldn't have happened if I weren't doing that shit Rio: I know you aren't meant to change your lifestyle and habits for them but it wouldn't have happened if I weren't doing that shit Buster: Fuck that, we know he's from school Buster: Being able to see you every day pre-dates anything you've done online Buster: He could've known you since primary Rio: I guess Rio: but would he be bothered if there was less out there to stalk Buster: It's not your fault, Rio Buster: It can happen to anyone, you know that Rio: it's happening to me though Buster: Not 'cause of anything you've done Buster: Come on Rio: anyway Rio: I'm gonna enjoy all these treats Buster: Good Rio: how much should I bring? Rio: when I pack Buster: As much as you want, I'll send you money for if your cases are over the weight limit Rio: don't want it to look like I'm running away too hard but Buster: You're overthinking it, you never travel light anywhere, nobody'll notice Rio: I need options Buster: I'm not mad about it and I don't care if my parents are Rio: they're going to be Rio: you'll have to go to school, be 😇 to show I'm totally not a distraction Buster: You are, but I'll still go Buster: All that matters to me is that you feel safe Rio: I will do Rio: and I'll find ways to be useful to them as well as distracting to you Buster: Winning over Ava is basically the same thing as winning them over Buster: You've had loads of practice at that Rio: kids are easy Buster: She's easier than Grace, obviously Rio: wouldn't take much on Ava's part Rio: bless Buster: She'll be distracting at any rate Rio: I can take her to school and shit, free up some time for them Buster: Yeah, and once you've had some time, we can sort out getting your assignments and shit sent over Rio: I won't miss anything important Buster: It'll be fine Buster: I'll make sure it's fine, like Rio: I know you will Buster: You gonna facetime me into this study session or what then? Rio: depends Rio: are you going to be nice? Buster: To you Rio: well you're always nice to me Buster: Are you asking me to help Nance with her homework? Rio: how much do you think she'd appreciate that? Buster: She wouldn't, so of course I'll do it Rio: I can't with you two, honestly Buster: You love me, you don't even want her to come over Rio: I'm not getting in the middle of it Buster: You already are Rio: No I'm not, shh Buster: It's okay, I know you're on my side Rio: I love you more than anyone else in the world Rio: goes without saying Buster: I still really like hearing it Rio: You know you can hear it any time you want Buster: Is she there yet? Rio: nope, you remember how long that drive takes, even in an uber Buster: I'll call you then Rio: 🥰 Buster: [does obvs] Rio: I'll just be here counting down the minutes 'til you can hold me Buster: However long it feels, you'll be staying longer Rio: promise? Buster: I swear Rio: then I'm happy Buster: If you are, I am too Rio: I haven't even asked you how your days been Rio: I'm so rude Buster: Before and after I shot down gym girl there ain't much to report Rio: what did she look like? Buster: Every other girl in this postcode Rio: Blonde and skinny Buster: Yeah Rio: vaguely equine, dresses more like a nan than nan ever would Buster: I'll have to remember all that for the next one Rio: I can tell her myself if you like Buster: If you like Rio: Me? The jealous type? Buster: The jealous type and my type Rio: I better be Rio: only type Buster: You're the only one I've ever wanted or will ever want, you definitely don't need to add that to the list of shit that's worrying you right now Rio: I just like to hear it Buster: I'll tell you again then, I want you so much Rio: even without all this bullshit Rio: it's been too long Rio: I hate every second I'm not with you Buster: I know, me too Buster: I'm not gonna say he's done me a favour, but I am glad you're coming to stay Rio: I'll say it Rio: may as well get something good from it Buster: I'd rather you didn't have to deal with any of this bullshit, obviously Rio: of course Rio: I told you, I've never thought it was you, it's okay Buster: It's not okay that I haven't been able to do fuck all about this though Buster: I'm sorry Rio: Don't Buster: It's not good enough, I know that Buster: I'm gonna do better Rio: Stop it Buster: I mean it, Rio Rio: we've done everything we can Rio: it's not fair on me or you to act like we haven't Buster: I just hate this Rio: I know, baby Buster: You're the best thing that's happened to me, this shouldn't be happening to you Rio: It really could happen to anyone Rio: it's shit Rio: but you make me feel safe, that isn't nothing Buster: I'll calm down before you get here Buster: I swear Rio: you don't have to Rio: you can be mad, I am Rio: but you don't need to blame yourself, even if it's second to him, it's all on him Buster: I am angry but you've got the wrong twin if you reckon I'm willing to make any of this about me Buster: I'm here for you Rio: Trust me, I know Rio: she seems distracted herself recently Buster: Yeah? Rio: I'll try to work it out, not had time yet Rio: she won't say anything if you're on the phone though Buster: I don't have to be, if you wanna do some investigating Rio: I know you wanna know too Buster: I know if you get her started she'll talk about herself until you've gotten all of your own bullshit exists Rio: and you're a little nosy too, you can admit it Rio: I'll get the gossip Buster: She's still my sister Buster: 'Course I wanna know if she's being stalked as well or whatever Rio: You're cute Rio: and I do not think it's that Rio: obviously Buster: You know what I mean Rio: I do Rio: that's why I wanna know too Buster: Okay, tell me when you do Rio: 🧐 Rio: wouldn't suit the hat Buster: You'd suit anything, don't lie Rio: 😊 Rio: I mean if that's your thing I'll do my best Buster: If it was that wouldn't be the first you've heard of it Rio: be mad if it was Rio: you have to tell me exactly what you like so I can be it Buster: You are Buster: And I don't have, or want to have, any secrets from you Rio: secrets are boring Rio: and hard to keep Buster: Neither of us could ever be boring Buster: And I'll do whatever it takes to keep you forever Rio: You've got me Rio: not going anywhere Buster: Only closer to where I am, not further away Buster: Soon as your mum is back and your study session is over Rio: not that I need to do this homework now Rio: just be throwing subtle hints at Nance instead Buster: Be fucking typical her if she's getting bullied there as well Rio: I'd know if she was Rio: only have the two lessons with her but contrary to what the stalker suggests, I know most people well enough that they wouldn't Buster: Well Ava'll probably get a love life before she does, Christ knows what else it could be then Rio: ugh don't Rio: it's coming up with Edie for sure Rio: Jun is like Nancy and Billie isn't bothered thank god Rio: hate it Buster: Who's bothered about Edie then? Buster: Tell me your gossip Rio: It's just like the boys she hangs with are less useless stoner and more keep your eye on them types than Billie's friends Rio: and they aren't just friends types, I don't trust 'em Buster: Maybe I should be getting on a plane instead of you Rio: at least none of them are stupid Rio: especially not Eds Rio: have to hope anyway Buster: I've taught her how to protect herself physically, I reckon she can handle lads trying to get in her head Buster: Like you said Buster: She's no stupid kid Rio: Yeah, she has all the tools and advantages she can be given Rio: 💘 and hormones still make people stupid though Buster: I remember Rio: well yeah, ignoring the fact we'd be used as prime examples in that lecture Buster: Sure we have been, never too early for mum and dad to tell Ava what not to do Rio: As if we'll have started a trend Rio: if it wasn't you it'd be a really bad idea Buster: They should want her to have this, how I feel about you, how happy I am Buster: It's not as if they can actually judge us for who it's with Buster: This family are way past that Rio: You'd think Rio: I'm way past caring Rio: it was so Rio: I wasn't me without you Buster: I feel exactly the same, you know I do Buster: The only thing I've ever done wrong was not be with you, every bad thing I did or that was done to me can be traced back to that Buster: We're free now and this stalker isn't gonna make you feel otherwise any more, I'm not letting it happen for another fucking day Rio: we can get through anything, we've got the rest stacked against us and we're still strong Rio: as long as you love me, then there's nothing anyone can say or do Buster: I really fucking love you Rio: I love you Rio: endlessly Buster: [a flight he's booked her like this is happening no matter what excuse us fam] Rio: 🙏 Rio: I cannot wait Buster: Me either Rio: you can pick me up from the airport, right? Buster: Nothing could stop me Rio: Yay 🥰🥰🥰 Buster: You need me to help you with all that luggage Rio: it will be one suitcase Rio: and a sizeable handbag, thank you 😂 Rio: but I still need you Buster: I'll be early regardless Rio: you're the best Buster: No, I do my best, you don't even have to try Rio: You don't either Rio: but I will for you and I appreciate that you do Buster: I appreciate everything that you do Rio: you will Rio: that's the plan Buster: I do, whether or not shit goes to plan Buster: You're one of the strongest people I know, the least I can do is give you the reminder Rio: Buster Rio: it won't always be this dramatic, you know Rio: being together Buster: I don't care if it is, you're worth it Buster: And I'd endure the worst suffering I can possibly imagine to be with you if any alternative meant not being Rio: now you're just being hot about it on purpose Buster: I told you I miss you, nothing's changed Rio: I miss you all the time Rio: but I'm down for all the ways you make it worse Buster: [sends her a pic from when he was at the gym earlier like okay we're testing the waters but not very much yet lol] Rio: oh Rio: yeah, I would've flirted with you too Buster: What would you have said? Rio: Hmm Rio: ask you to check my form Buster: As long as you'd have time for how thorough I'd be, I don't have any problem with that Rio: Of course Rio: I'd ask you because you're clearly an expert Buster: And there's no need for me to hold back on my expertise as you're clearly so receptive to it, not to mention deserving Rio: Don't, I want you to show me exactly how you do it Buster: Never, I wouldn't wanna leave you with more questions than answers Rio: of course, but there are some things I could show you in return for all you're going to teach me Buster: Yeah? Buster: You've got yourself a deal, babe Rio: are you going to let me come to the gym with you really Buster: If you want to Buster: I'll try not to get too distracted at the prospect Rio: you look like that, obviously I want to Buster: [a pic of how he looks now like we can also stay in this bed where I currently am chilling] Rio: 🥺🥺 GIMME Buster: You're not meant to change your behaviour or habits for that cunt, remember Buster: Say please Rio: please Rio: please let me be in that bed right now Buster: [treat that gal to some more pics boy she's had a shit day] Rio: please be with me right now Rio: in me Buster: You know that's all I want Rio: you're perfect, Buster, you know that Buster: We're perfect for each other Rio: marry me Buster: As soon as we can, I will Rio: seriously Buster: I am being serious Rio: oh Buster: Once we're both 18 nobody can stop us Rio: yeah but Rio: nobody would come Buster: I only need you to turn up Rio: technically Buster: And actually, 'cause the rest of my family won't and like you said, I'm past caring Rio: if you were going to do it Rio: you'd want the big day, the venue, the clothes, the car Rio: everything proper Buster: If you were going to do it, you'd want your family there, you can say what you really mean Rio: we can't just do all that for two people Buster: We can do whatever we want Rio: I just wish people would be happy for us Buster: I know, I haven't properly asked you yet 'cause I want everything to be perfect for you and there's fuck all I can do to give you that Rio: it'll never happen, I know that Rio: I've accepted it, it's just hard to make total peace with Buster: There was a time when I reckoned we'd never happen Rio: yeah Buster: I don't care who or how many people I have to turn my back on for you, it'll never matter as much as us being together Rio: it shouldn't have to be like this Rio: it's bullshit Buster: Yeah, but it is, and I've made my choice Buster: You know the things I'd do differently and none of 'em are about not ending up here Rio: Me too Buster: Changing their minds is as likely as us changing ours, it's an old fashioned stand off, like Rio: True Rio: it's like, they forget they're meant to be anti-us sometimes though Rio: and it's just normal, like we're any other couple Buster: Maybe when we've has as many years as my parents, it will actually be considered normal Rio: you reckon? Buster: Worked for them Rio: I guess nan and granddad are sufficiently over it Rio: had competition though, didn't they Rio: don't think that's likely to repeat itself Buster: Fingers crossed Nance is hiding a dark enough secret to take at least some of my parents' attention nevertheless Rio: in your dreams, babe Buster: Why would I dream about her downfall when I could dream about your happiness? Rio: alright 😇 Buster: We're not married yet but in regards to that, what's mine is yours, babe Buster: And vice versa Rio: you know I want it too Rio: to be married to you, and have everything we want Buster: Then I'll make it happen, exactly how you want Buster: Where there's a will there's a way, yeah? Especially when it's my will getting involved Rio: I trust that Rio: you Buster: Good 'cause you can Buster: About this and everything else Rio: then that's settled Rio: and Nance is finally here Buster: I'll still be here if you need me Rio: 🧡🧡🧡 Rio: you focus on doing everything you possibly can before I get there so you can spend as much time with me as we've got Buster: Consider it done

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guidingspirits · 3 years ago

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You're never alone. Like, never ya'll. Get used to it.

I get a lot of noobie clients who generally start a reading with "Are there any spirits around me?" "Do I have any spirits or loved ones around me?" "Who wants to share a message with me?" See, that's always a loaded question. So let's break those down so you can get the most out of our time together when you hit me up for a reading.

Step 1: If you are going to a reader, any reader, for the first time, check out their website and see if there is a FAQ tab, a bio page, and even some reviews. This is helpful because every single psychic is going to have their special way of connecting with your energy and not all psychics are mediums. This is how you can make the most out of your reading. Also, don't be shy about starting your session by asking questions. In fact, with me, email me or call me and ask your questions about how this all works before your appointment! If you're a totally new client to me, I'll even pen your appointment in my schedule for a few extra minutes so that you can get comfortable with me and have your questions answered about how I work.

Step 2: Get relaxed for your reading and have some questions that you really want answered written down before the reading. The reading may end up going in a different direction as we proceed, but having those burning questions with you when you receive your reading, you can direct the reading back to those before the end of your session that you have the best chance of receiving both the information that your loved ones and angels want you to know as well as what you want to know. I can't guarantee that all of your questions will be answered. If you are not meant to know or have the answer at this time, you're not going to whether you think you are ready for the answer or not. I'll get more into that and the reasons why in a future post.

Step 3: Let's get back to those noobie questions. Here's a brain kicker: Ya'll. Heaven isn't some far off place. It's here and it's all around you. I think we have this idea that is perpetuated by religions that Heaven is up in the sky or atmosphere somewhere because we know it's a "higher vibration or frequency" so our limited perspectives make us think that it's up high and far away. It's not. It's literally a place on Earth, or rather, the entire earth and beyond. You see, when someone dies, the only thing that separates you is vibration and frequency. Spirit is just energy. I know of another medium that I'm Facebook friends with, Ronald Reader, who says that our loved ones are "only a breath away." He's not wrong. So when I say "you're never alone" you're really not alone. You simply don't see Heaven or your loved ones because you are vibrating at a lower frequency. I'll do another post about how that works for you as well. They are moving in their own dimension that is all around you, but for the most part, you are like ships passing in the night. There are certain times of the year where you are more aware of the other realms than usual, but it's nothing new suddenly showing up, you're not suddenly haunted (usually), just you and spirits are noticing each other for bits of a time. As your reader, when we have limited time together, it's helpful to me if you let me know who you would most like to speak with and it can be anyone. Your spiritual team, your loved ones and ancestors, who ever you want! But I'd rather connect directly to your loved one rather than waste our time trying to sort through the queue of souls suddenly trying to get my attention to speak.

I hope this was helpful to you in preparing for a reading. I'll go more in depth these topics at a later date. People keep telling me I should write a book, perhaps I will. I love what I do and I love to share my experiences, educate, and answer questions. I'll be doing classes sometime in the new year if you would like to learn to develop your natural abilities, because what I do is nothing "special" that not everyone can do. We all can do this!

Ya'll have a great day. Speak to your loved ones as though they are in the room with you, because they are. They hear you. And soon, you'll hear them too.

Stay shiny Vibe Tribe!

~Jenn

#psychicmedium #tarot reading #spirits

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babaleshy · 4 years ago

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Something I May Need to Stop Doing...

I'll be venting in this post, but this is about the desire to move out of a desperate want for change right now even though such a move is not meant to be.

On occasion, I go onto zillow's website and check out houses around Pittsburgh out of curiosity just to see what houses are going for what price in what kind of condition. I've noticed something incredibly enticing: there are some houses going for under $100,000 and are technically livable. It's just got flaking/chipping paint, may need new rugs, and other general clean-ups. The only "major" thing I wanna do to any of these houses falling under this criteria is the fact that I feel more comfortable with a tin roof.

These houses that I find are within city limits, most of these houses I've shown an interest in are close to sidewalks. This means if I were to move into one of these houses, then I'd have a chance to properly commute!

Ah, but why exactly am I making this post? What is it that I'm venting about? And what did I mean earlier when I said "not meant to be?"

Back in 2014 (autumn, specifically), my husband and I had to move out of our apartment in downtown Pittsburgh to my parents' farm in Ohio. Two reasons made us do this: one was the skyrocketing rent prices when HUD sold our building, causing rent to go from $539/mo to $720/mo. My husband worked at a casino, and was making $10/hr, so when rent prices went up like mad, we really began to struggle to survive. The other thing was bedbugs. The building manager laughed at our discomfort and said, "What do you expect me to do about it? Where would everyone go for the building to be treated?" Like, you're a shit manager if you haven't come up with those contingency plans.

Paying $720/mo for a bedbug-infested apartment (bedbugs are fucking hard to get rid of) and living in a constant state of itchy breakout made us decide it was time to move in with my parents. Because we literally could not afford to live anywhere else, and our student loan debt fucked up our credit scores, so we couldn't even get a house (and we were looking for one at the time!).

We used to think living on this farm was temporary until reality set in, that there is absolutely no possible way for us to make it on our own now. My husband has ADHD and anxiety and is still struggling to practice to get his driver's license (it's hard when my dad is a major source of my husband's stress; my dad's an asshole and gets worse by the year), and I'm Autistic, so I can't hold down a regular job, and nothing else is hiring.

In terms of getting a job for me at all, either I'd have to go to school for my special interest for the job (ecology, entomology, and/or paleontology) or I'd rather work in a library.

Welp, college is far too expensive for me to pay out of pocket, and my already existing student loan debt is barring me from getting any sort of financial aid to go back to school at all. As far as the library is concerned? Remember when I said my husband is currently struggling to practice for his license? (He doesn't get much practice because my dad is a stressful asshole that makes my husband have a horrible headache and anxiety after he drives). We have 2 vehicles, one my mom uses to get to work, and the other my dad uses to take my husband to work as well as do errands in like grocery shopping and shit like that.

I can't get a ride.

Can't ride a bicycle, either. It's definitely not safe (I live in America, if you couldn't tell). My parents' farm is deep within one of the back roads with one of the properties on this road being an oil rig. The oil workers drive like assholes, not caring what animal they hit, speeding through here. There are dirtbikes and four-wheelers that speed through here, too. There's no room for 2 vehicles to pass one another, and nothing but pure fucking hill the moment you step off the side of the road. I literally cannot bike here.

But let's pretend I got onto one of the main roads on either end of our road. It's even worse! And STILL no room for bicyclists! This goes for fucking miles until you reach a residential area! Except for a nearby little village-town that has the closest library branch. It's the village my husband grew up in, but there's a lot of sketchy turns, corners, and again, no room for bicycles. This includes main roads.

With all this in mind, I actually considered the possibility of moving to that village, because the village itself is actually safe enough to bike ride in. The problem is: I'm not guaranteed to get a job at the library at all. I tried getting a job as a library clerk at the Carnegie Library in Pittsburgh, got interviewed and everything, and didn't get the job for whatever reason. In fact, I'm not guaranteed a job at all at any library branch, regardless of the neighborhood. So moving to such an area depending on the chance of being hired there is not worth it.

Such a village is actually rather unfriendly, and that goes for a lot of communities here on this side of Ohio. You'd think this was one of the southern states from its people and what flags they fly.

So why not Pittsburgh? Why not move there if we could?

Well, I thought about it. It has all the perks I could expect such as public transportation, somewhat safer bicycling areas to commute to school and work, and more importantly: THINGS TO DO.

Living in the middle of nowhere blows when you want to, on your own without relying on someone to drive you, go and do something, such as buying fabric or art supplies for future projects, or going to the library, or anything, really! Yeah, I do want to garden, but I don't have the means to do that on a damn farm (long, frustrating story that made me stop believing my parents' promises).

Not to mention, I still have friends in Pittsburgh, If I wanna see them, they don't have to drive an hour and 45 minutes (and that's if they have a car) to visit. I got 2 friends here in the area, and they're busy with their work's demanding schedules. When we do hang out, Cards Against Humanity, Uno, and D&D can only do so much until it gets old and boring and you wanna do something else that isn't hanging out at a dead mall. There is truly nothing to do here. Pittsburgh has the museums, libraries, parks, and far more interesting establishments to lurk in.

So again: why not Pittsburgh?

Because that city has changed and is still changing compared to when I was last there. My regular watering hole (The Beehive) is no more. There are neighborhoods being gentrified (meaning I'm not guaranteed to keep my home even if I pay it off). Businesses are closing, meaning people will be losing their jobs, and some of the other places hiring (like libraries) are not guaranteed to hire me, especially when I haven't had a job since 2010.

There's also my cat to consider; she gets stressed at the sound of a lawn-mower (I don't blame her). She wouldn't be able to handle the sounds of the city. Unless we found a place not too close to downtown, such a move is a no-go.

I've daydreamed about living in Pittsburgh again. I'm homesick for Pittsburgh. I've realized only recently that that city was my home. Not this farm, not even the house I grew up in. I felt like a person who didn't have to rely on people for rides and such. It's the only place where I've truly lived on my own and enjoyed it.

I've actually considered moving out of this country and found that even more impossible. No matter which country you pick, no matter what language you learn, not only do you have to pay for your things to be shipped, for your plane ticket for a one-way trip, or whatever you need to become a citizen there, you still have to pay at least $2,000 to revoke your American citizenship or else you will be forced to pay American taxes despite never setting foot on American soil ever again.

Thanks to capitalism, America has made it fucking impossible for the average person to leave for good. If you are born here, you are financially enslaved here unless you're wealthy enough to leave.

So... What's the plan?

Well, for now: not much. The pandemic has set plans back a bit, but my parents have a lien on the house thanks to my private student loans my mom was bullied and forced into co-signing for. She... I guess?... is almost done paying them off? I don't know. My parents don't like communicating need-to-know info with me and then get mad when I don't absorb it through osmosis. Once the lien is taken off the house, mom wants to move north to be near her sister, and she said she'll try finding a farm for sale near Kent State so it'll be an easier commute (be it by bicycle or by car). My intention is to enroll there to be able to get a job as an ecologist (focus in entomology, specializing in arachnology) with a minor in paleontology.

Once I've gotten that all taken care of (as well as my husband going back to school for what he wants), we move to the pacific northwest, mainly just north of Seattle somewhere.

I hate Ohio. I hate running into people I've gone to school with that I try to avoid (more like I see them, but they don't recognize me? At least I hope not?). I hate this place so much. I hate this climate, being near people I don't want just randomly showing the fuck up. And what's the use of living near family when they don't want to bother visiting you? I hate hearing my mom tell me so-and-so that I obviously want nothing to do with told her to tell me they said hi. I'm tired of fearing I'll run into someone that abused me in the past because now they're back in the fucking area again apparently.

I've got my fingers crossed that something is gonna give and college to some level (community college?) will be free for residents or something. It'll give me a chance to go back to school for something close to what I wanna do so I can maybe get a job? Completing something at a community college would at least make it easier for me to get enrolled at a university.

My husband and I picked Seattle (or close to Seattle) for its climate. It's (usually) not blistering hot every goddamn year, and it's not horribly cold thanks to the mountain range (I'm quite cold-intolerant). We both enjoy overcast weather and rain. We'd rather take our chances with volcanoes than earthquakes or hurricanes in areas where these things are guaranteed to happen yet nobody ruling these areas wants to invest in infrastructure that helps stand a chance against them. Seattle also has a nice combination of city and wilderness side-by-side. Not much of that with Pittsburgh.

If I was forced to only move to Pittsburgh and no other city, I wouldn't mind, especially since I'm more familiar with Pittsburgh than I am with anything in my current local area (because I had to travel on foot instead of relying on a car to get to places!). Fuck, my mom wouldn't even let me do anything by myself out of the yard when we lived in the village I grew up in because she was a paranoid fuck and by the time I JUST STARTED gaining independence for having a bike and bicycling to the post office everyday, we moved to this farm.

Oh, this isn't a roof over my head I should be thankful for. My parents got screwed. Our water is full of iron and calcium that no filter can fix, so we constantly have plumbing problems, the post and internet connections are questionable at best, we get ant infestations from 2 species EVERY YEAR, all for a farm my mom wanted for horses she always wanted and eventually got but has little next to no energy to spend the time she wants with them and she refuses to admit her age has a lot to do with it on top of her working so she sits in the living room on THREE DIFFERENT DEVICES sucking up bandwidth to religiously watch every fucking livestream of a country singer she likes (and complains if she's missing it for any reason!), scroll through Facebook, and play a fucking shitty app game!

Our internet out here? The physical equipment is outdated (copper wires instead of fiber-optic cables) because the fucking company doesn't wanna spend the money to upgrade it.

So instead, we're stuck here, with my husband losing his sanity bit by bit by the day at his shitty retail job (every other available job offering would be worse in this area) and I sit here and hope that maybe, JUST MAYBE, I could start gardening soon.

I miss Pittsburgh. I really do. But despite all of its benefits it would give me and my husband if we moved back, I don't think it will happen.

In the off-chance that we don't move north, that my dad's assholery intensifies and he decides to remain here (he has to legally agree to sell this house in order for my mom to move north; dad's reasons keep fucking changing), Pittsburgh is a nice back-up plan. Pitt University actually has the major I'd want to go back to school for, as well as what my husband wants to go back to school for, and we'd already be familiar with the city and what to expect of it. However, we're aiming higher, and hoping to move to the pacific northwest, instead.

But I think to avoid losing my sanity, I should stop daydreaming about a future that may never be.

Fingers crossed!

#rant #ramble #vent #I wanna move so bad but can't

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punkscowardschampions · 6 years ago

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Bea & Fraze

Bea: So, tell me Bea: how is it that all your friends are in detention right now but you aren't? Fraze: I shouldn't need to tell you that I never get caught Bea: 😏 Well then, you should be concerned that I did Fraze: You reckon? Bea: Yes, your lack of care would be so offensive if it didn't mean you know me better Bea: Obviously I'm only here because O'Toole hates me Bea: and he only hates me because all the other teachers love me Fraze: He probably hates you 'cause you say and know shit like what you just said Bea: Well I definitely don't care so either way Bea: he's the type that reckons he was an underdog so he's gotta hate the kids who are obviously too much of anything, even when that thing is smart Fraze: That'll be why he's in my corner and not yours Bea: Lucky you 🙄 Bea: Still, you aren't so well loved that you couldn't be here Bea: so bored Fraze: Yeah, lucky me Bea: What's wrong? Fraze: I'm sorting it Bea: Obviously but still Fraze: so obviously forget it Bea: Yeah, obviously not Bea: come on Fraze: You ain't that bored Bea: Try me Fraze: Joe reckons he knows about me and you Fraze: enough to have a dig about it Bea: Enough that he can grass? Fraze: That ain't happening Fraze: like I said, I'll sort him out Fraze: and it'll be worse for him if he grasses Bea: How, exactly Bea: this concerns me too, so if you plan on just threatening to kick the shit out of him, time to rethink Fraze: I'll fucking kill him Bea: I don't think he would Bea: but try and use it for his gain, less sure Bea: maybe Fraze: we don't grass, it's rule 1 Fraze: he can try and hold this shit over my head but he knows what'll happen if he does Bea: For fuck's sake Fraze: this is why I said forget it Fraze: there's fuck all you need to do Bea: Yeah, right now maybe Bea: I'll enjoy those last five seconds of peace Fraze: Come on Fraze: If he's gonna be try and be that cunt I'll just tell 'em before he can Fraze: he ain't got no power, I do Bea: You better be joking Bea: that's it, that's your plan Fraze: I told you, it ain't gonna get that far Fraze: but if it does, then yeah Bea: No Bea: that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard Fraze: Well, we've established I ain't as smart as you, babe Bea: Shut up Bea: they can't find out Fraze: It ain't like they don't know, they were there before Bea: It's different Bea: you know it is Fraze: Exactly, we ain't kids now Fraze: they can't stop us Bea: That's not the point Fraze: Yeah it is Bea: One of Bea: but there's so much at stake Fraze: I know what you're thinking but they wouldn't do that Bea: Do you Fraze: Don't I? Fraze: stupid not retarded, like Bea: It's different for me, that's what I'm getting at Fraze: But what I'm getting at is it's not Fraze: They ain't gonna send you away anymore than they would me Bea: They'd wish they could Bea: and that's the point Fraze: shut up, no Fraze: neither of 'em are like that & you know it Bea: You don't owe them shit, I do Bea: admit it or not, that's how it is Fraze: Bullshit Fraze: they ain't holding out for an IOU that's not what any of this is about Bea: I ain't saying they're holding it against me but throwing it back in their face will change shit Bea: end of Bea: you think you're actually ready for that Fraze: that's not what we're doing either Fraze: Fuck that Bea: That's how they'll see it Bea: how else can they Fraze: I'll make 'em see it how it is, why can't I? Bea: No one is going to see it how we do Fraze: They don't have to Fraze: I'll do enough to make it alright though Fraze: end of Bea: If it was that easy, you wouldn't be freaking out right now Fraze: I ain't Bea: You should be Fraze: Nah Fraze: You should calm down Bea: Don't you dare Fraze: Dare what, say shit like it is? Fraze: Joe's all mouth & no balls & on the off chance he decides to grow a pair I can handle it Bea: You know what Bea: and Joe isn't the only way this could come out Fraze: he's the one trying to put my back up to the wall right now Fraze: when we want it to come out, we'll do it our way Bea: Should I talk to him Fraze: Do you wanna? Bea: I don't want to do any of this but it might be better Fraze: Then don't Fraze: I can fix this Bea: What did he say exactly Fraze: That ain't what matters Bea: How is it not Fraze: He won't say fuck all else, that's the shit to focus on Bea: I knew this would happen Bea: there's no fucking room for privacy ever in this house Fraze: it's his cokehead like sleep pattern that's done it Bea: Jesus Fraze: How long have you got left? Bea: I don't know, clockwatching hasn't been a priority since you dropped the bombshell, like Bea: about 20 minutes Fraze: Come on, it ain't that drastic Fraze: Couple of drinks in us & we'll be laughing it off, like Bea: It is though Bea: if we can't even guarantee everyone's asleep how are we ever gonna have any time together Fraze: Don't Fraze: he knows now & the rest could probably sleep through the 2nd coming especially Ma & Da Bea: Yeah and I know why you won't tell me what he said Bea: I'm not an idiot either Fraze: Babe Bea: and he ain't the only one who's gonna think it's fucked up or wrong Fraze: Fuck him, he don't know what he's on about Fraze: the stupidest of the lot, yeah? Fraze: & who gives a shit what anyone else reckons anyway, not me & deffo not you Bea: It's just Bea: I didn't ask to need fostering Bea: I liked you first Fraze: I know Fraze: I saw you first, if anyone was gonna help you, it was meant to be me Bea: Sadly we couldn't actually run away, make it on our own aged, whatever the fuck Fraze: we can now Bea: Yeah? Bea: That's plan b Fraze: Yeah Fraze: She ain't never meant 'em to be a survival guide but I still know what to do after hearing all my Ma's stories loads of times Bea: There we go then Bea: we're sorted Fraze: I told you Bea: You're cute Fraze: Just walk out Bea: We're running away right now? Fraze: From detention at least Bea: Tempting Bea: But I've basically served my time now Fraze: I'll keep waiting at the gates like a twat loner then Bea: You're here Fraze: 'Course Bea: Then I'll double down and actually mean my previous statement now, you really are cute Fraze: you too, babe, that's what I'm doing here, like Bea: Nerd Bea: 😏 Fraze: If that's your type I'm fucked Fraze: Got loads of stamina but I don't reckon I can keep that shit going Bea: There it is Bea: sounding too humble a brag for a second there Fraze: Well, I can't let that bullshit stand Bea: I'm not sure if we can call it a type when it's just you Fraze: I'll keep my 👓 on if you insist Bea: 😂 Bea: As if you've got 'em on you Fraze: Nah but I'd look for 'em for you Bea: I don't wanna stop Bea: I can't Fraze: No cunt is keeping me away from you, they can't Bea: No Bea: we can sort this Bea: somehow Fraze: I mean it, I'll fucking kill him if I have to Bea: Romance ain't dead but neither is Joe Bea: I won't visit you in prison Fraze: I won't go Fraze: I don't get caught, remember Bea: Cocky Bea: I'll write you a hitlist if you're so confident, babe Fraze: Alright Bea: So, you'll wait outside for me, murder for me Bea: what else? Fraze: What else do you want? Bea: Everything Fraze: Try me then Bea: You wish I would Fraze: Are you saying you won't? Bea: I'm saying I ain't free yet Bea: I've already said I can't not be with you Fraze: & I already said get free Fraze: I'm waiting for you, what the fuck are you waiting for? Bea: I don't know Bea: seemed like a reasonable idea not to get into any trouble if we're about to get in the deepest of shit Bea: start off on a even standing, if not a slight advantage Fraze: You know you won't regret giving me however many minutes you're meant to stay in there Bea: Fraze Fraze: Come on Bea: Make it worth my while Fraze: Obviously Bea: Hang on then Fraze: I have been for fuck knows how long now so 'course Bea: Whine some more Bea: it's such a turn-on Fraze: Shut up Bea: Better Fraze: Lucky that you being a bitch is a turn on Bea: Lucky I'm not easily offended, prick Fraze: Lucky I'm in no mood to offend you, babe Bea: Where are we going? Fraze: If it ain't home, I'll take it Bea: Obviously that's off-limits Fraze: Those fuckers over the road are away though, we could hop their fence easy Bea: Assuming and praying they put their rabid ratty dog in a kennel Fraze: I ain't heard it so that or they mercy killed it before they went Bea: Save you a job Bea: only so much murder you can handle Fraze: Don't worry, I'll start with O'Toole Fraze: priorities, like Bea: Awh but he loves you Fraze: Yeah, but I love you Bea: Babe Fraze: Can you think of some bullshit reason we can stay out that my Ma will reckon is legit? Bea: I will Bea: I can't think of anything right now but that's your fault Fraze: I ain't sorry Bea: Me either Bea: remember that, yeah Fraze: I will Bea: Good Fraze: Don't forget either Bea: How could I Bea: You aren't going anywhere without me Fraze: 'Course not Bea: Promise and I'll come out Fraze: It's always been me & you, babe, I promise it's always gonna be Bea: [Does] Fraze: [the 😍 would be so intense] Bea: [when you go in for an intense af hug despite people being around 'cos '#shook] Fraze: [this is why you're gonna get caught lads but I ain't mad about it] Bea: [your fam walks by like 👀 lol Fraze: [bahahhahaha imagine before that can be a thing it's a good job he's pretending he's so unfazed by this near miss so he can drag her away sharpish to somewhere more private] Bea: [thanks for your garden neighbours] Fraze: [I hope the weather is alright] Bea: [break into their shed lads] Fraze: [a mood, if they've got anything good, steal it] Bea: [#theydeseveit and Ali and Ro are still friends with her so they won't suspect y'all lol] Fraze: [exactly my thoughts] Bea: [the type that are your #bffs 'til you ain't and then they hold a petty grudge over you all forever] Fraze: [literally, it's so real] Bea: [anyway, enjoy kids, hope no one saw you going over the fence] Fraze: [we know they can be sneaky sometimes even if there probably also is an old curtain twitcher on their street cos always a thing ha] Bea: [don't be a snitch old lady] Fraze: [at least if she was they could blag it like she's chatting shit for attention #kidstoday and mcvickers would be like valid] Bea: [and regardless, they wouldn't immediately assume they were having an affair in the shed, more likely just being little shits for no reason so] Fraze: [precisely, he'd always be doing shit like that with her or his mates] Bea: [heheheh think again though lads] Fraze: [Tess will be fuming she didn't figure this out] Bea: [remember on the act when her daughter called her out, I was like a #mood] Fraze: [1000% true facts] Bea: [should be late for tea though 'cos you're already an hour after school finishes for detention so] Fraze: [definitely, at least he can lie that he's gonna be at his mates cos they'd back him up esp if he said he'd with a girl so as long as she can think of something they can stay out after] Bea: [just say you had two clubs in a row or something blag it bitch] Fraze: [we know she's an amazing liar its fine get it done] Fraze: [also there should 100% be booze in that shed they can steal] Bea: [partay, probably a pouch of baccy too, but steal some other shit so it's not that obvious lmao] Fraze: [we know the kind of chav parents we're talking about here so its legit] Bea: [truly]

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