#I didnt plan to make any other posts here besides photo posts but...

[libakarp]

When I made this blog I somewhat meant for it to be kind of a memory lane/archival for my dog, so I'd have somewhere to look back at once he dies. And he did die today :(

14 march 2008 - 17 august 2023

Im happy I got pics if him before I left for the city again, my sweet boy 💖 rest in peace

I feel like I want to treat this place as like... A playground for him, so I'll keep adding flowers and pretty scenery for a nice place to spend time in... <3

[athenaartmaybe]

This past week feels like it contained so much and so little at the same time. I managed to get so much done since the last journal, but also there has been so much time since the last journal. (I know that these are technically supposed to be Tuesday to Tuesday, but for every time I do one I just start the timer for a new one if that makes any sense.) starting about an hour after I posted the last one, I was working on the hand sewing for the Dinna costume. I did start to confuse and concern myself because I haven't done hand sewing on such a large project like this. The lining material and the outside fabric seamed to start to shift as I was taking down the lining. I worked on that for about 2 hours before moving on to other chaso I had planned for the day. 

I have also taken on planning and helping construct about 8 other costumes. For this, I am not the biggest part of the construction, but I will be assisting with it, and I was also the one to ask for all of them. (in other words, if I didnt help, they would not be made) Two are for Coseno night. They are matching gold tops with coordinating pants. I am so excited for how these are going to turn out, I will definitely be getting photos during the event. The other 6 are all for Dance Land. Two are 50s sun dresses for the dances, Boy in Love and Jenny. The other 4 are for a dance to the song Memory from Cats. These are going to be toga made out of sparkly tulle. No one is really surprised that I am dousing as much of this as I can in sparkles. No one's happy about it either besides me. 

So the day after I made the last journal I dragged one of my friends home with me. This was when I fully convinced her to match me for Coseno night. We also got measurements for here which is a good thing since she is in both of the dances that we are getting custom costumes for. We also got a mock-up of the coseno night top done before we had to head back north. That was vary exciting since we had to modify a one-size pattern that was made for the twig models of the 1970s. The moc up didn't really fit either of us since we are both not small humans. We made notes of what would need to be fixed to get the garment to cover the bits that needed to be covered.

A couple of days later I had time to work on some crochet with the fiber collective. I had already finished up the other crochet project I was working on, so I decided to pull out my pants from last semester. I think I have most of the strips done. There is one that I need to finish at this point, and I think there may be two that I need to redo and take out an extra squar. I might be wrong on theas numbers I need to coleact all the pisces and lay them all out to get an idea of whare im at agen. 

My frend whos birthday  is this month liked the anti thneed and gloves I had made for them. I know the gloves are likely to be slodt befor it gets cold enough to use them. I had made them in january well visiting family. I had made them so they were extra long so dispiter them being fingetrless they would still pertect fingers form cold straringweels or brake leavers. 

The following weekend I went home to take advantage of having not scheduled time. On saturday I worked on trading patters. We were going to get started on the tops for coseno night wen we relised that the fabric we had had been improperly cut by the lat people that used it. That meat that we did not ave enough to do what we needed. So a “quick” run up to joanns and about $500 latter menst that we had all the fabric we would need until well into the summer. Okay so probably not but we did get stuff for the other costumes as well. Most iconivly of witch is about 7 different sparkly tules because why wouldent I do sparkles.  Once we got back home form that we had dinner and then I had to head out. 

The next part that I did is kinda 2 and kinda not actley the art I am doing for this class but it is connected. On the buss back from pensalvana I worked on coreogerphy for memory. I didnt get mugh and I am not shor is what I got is good enough to stick but I did some. The other ting that I did this week was get new roller skates. I am supper excited to get to tey skatting in public. Im also happy to have skates that wont scare my friends like my walmart pair were doing. I am supper excited to have the dinnah costume done and be able to skate around in the full costume. 

Back to the sewing projects. Some point betweand me leaving campus thursday the end of the day friday the itomes that I ordered came in (i think I ordered them befor last journal but if not I ordered the shirt that is part of the dinna costume with some modifications, and a pair of wrist garsed that I trust) so I will need to get the pacege formt the mail room after brake sense I ordered them to campus. 

Sorry now the actley sewing part once getting back from my trip my mom and I made a coppu of the gold top with the bigger modifications to it. I got to try it on and try to tie it in a cople difrne t ways to see what looks the best. This was varry fin to do. We had made it in the fabric so that this one I can use for the event if it fits, which it does. It looks amazing and it is comfortable to wear. 

I will do my best to get some photo uploaded soon but they will not deractely be in this post. Im hpooinng to get them taken befor i head back to jonson tomorrow but i will also need to take a copple once i get to jonson this weekend

[stillroamer]

History Repeats

It's TRUE that blessings are often disguised as bitter trials. In Pick and Rome's case their blessing came in the form of a Freaky Friday episode that lasted a week. An entire week spent living each others lives forcing them to self-reflect and recall who they were as individuals and as a couple.

In Rome's case, Rome had to remember that while his boyfriend wasn't big on public displays of affection, it didnt mean he loved him any less. In fact, the way Pick loved Rome meant more to Rome than mere kisses and hand holding in the park ever would. Rome just felt ashamed It had taken this whole body switch experience for him to see that.

(Truth be told, a small part of Rome had always feared his boyfriend would wake up one day and realize that Rome wasn't what or who he wanted. Realize that he wanted more than what Rome could ever give. It was an unreasonable and unfounded fear, but it was always there at the back of his mind. The doubt convincing him that he was running on borrowed time. Convincing him that he had best treasure the moments with his P'Pick because one day he might not have him anymore. )

It took Rome having to live as P'Pick for Rome to remember his boyfriend's love had always been shown not spoken. His P'Pick was a man of action after all. The man whose "I love yous" were displayed in the way he helped Rome reach his cereal from the highest shelf, in the way he, also, drove Rome to work every morning without complaint, the way he kept a picture of them together hidden away on his desk, the way he blew off his coworkers just so he could rush back home straight after work to see him, and in the way he indulged Rome's every whim no matter how small. P'Pick might not openly declare his love but it was always there in other ways that mattered. Rome could see that now.

Moreover, the final confirmation that completely destroyed any remaining doubt Rome had was the fact that P'Pick confessed his workaholic attitude was born out of his need to see for THEIR future. It was in that moment that Rome had been able to see past his fears and insecurities and finally see the man his P'Pick had become.

Pick, on the other hand, had realized that his workaholic tendencies had infringed on his time with the one person he had been doing everything for. He hadn't realized he had made his boyfriend feel like a burden to him. That Rome had been burning himself making coffee because he didnt want Pick to carry the weight of their living expenses all on his own. It made Pick mad that it took a whole curse for him to notice how neglectful he had become to the love of his life. What kind of boyfriend was he that he hadn't even noticed the burns on Rome nor the sacrifices Rome had been making. The curse had been a rather needed wake up call for him.

Thus, Pick found himself requesting a day off from work, much to the shock of his boss and coworkers, to accompany his boyfriend to register for his last semester of college. His presence wasn't necessary but he wanted to be there for moral support. It was also good to be back walking the halls where they had met and fell in love.

"You think once you're done we can sneak into the red room and finish what we started that one time" Pick teased loving the way Rome's entire face flushed in embarrassment.

"Well technically what I started but that's beside the point." He continued ignoring the scandalized 'P'Pick!' from his boyfriend. "I'm quite curious how far you were willing to go had I not stopped"

"Now you're definitely NOT coming inside with me." Rome shook his head motioning for Pick to sit on the benches right outside the Photography room. Just like the old times. "Wait here until I'm done registering"

"Before you graduate, I will have you in that red room" Pick promised laughing at Rome's cheeky "we'll see" response before entering the photography room alone.

Doing as told Pick patiently sat on the bench to wait on Rome. Well he tried to at least. Once the games on his phone no longer held their appeal, Pick got up to inspect the bulletin board on the wall. The bulletin was completely filled to the brim with flyers of all kinds of school activities. Although one in particular caught his eye. It was a flyer announcing the annual exhibition for the photography club's photos.

Suddenly, Pick was reminiscing about THAT disastrous camping trip of Rome's sophomore year. The trip where he had practically almost pushed Rome away from him for good. God he had been such an idiot in denial. Pick had always regretted his behavior during that trip. (Although the kiss that happened right after was definitely something he did not regret. )

Luckily, Rome had still accepted him and had forgave him almost immediately. Pick, on the other hand, wished he could give Rome a better camping experience, preferably WITHOUT a third wheel. Given that this was Rome's last year, Pick figured he could still make it happen.

Just as Pick began trying to plan the trip in his head he was interrupted by someone calling his name. "P'Pick?"

"Oi! Nong Pete, how are you?" Pick greeted happy to see his cousin, Pete.

"I've been good," Pete politely replied, though Pick could tell he was confused, "I thought you had graduated already what are you doing here? Did my dad send you here to spy on me?"

Pick laughed at the annoyed look on Pete's face. Pick really couldn't blame Pete for the accusation. In the past, when Pete had been in high school, Pick had been sent by his uncle to look after his rebellious cousin. Pete's temper had always gotten him in trouble.

"Actually no I'm not here to spy on you. I'm waiting on somebody. Why? Should I be here to look after you? Still getting into trouble Pete?" Pick asked. "Besides isn't the engineer department on the other side of campus what are you doing here?"

"Well, I- I- I'm waiting on someone too" Pete's blush didnt escape Pick's notice nor the fact that Pete suddenly had a new fascination with the floor.

Oh.

Pick laughed "With your temper? Who did you trick into dating you? "

"Hey! " Pete defended himself. "You're..."

The rest of Pete's remark was lost to Pick and his teasing mood gone when he noticed Rome walking out with another man the same flyer he was looking at just moments ago in both their hands.

Disregarding his cousin, Pick walked up to Rome and this other man to announce his presence, hoping he wasn't too late in preventing another terrible camping experience.

" Did you make a new FRIEND?" Pick asked as he gently inserted himself between the two men and emphasizing the word FRIEND. After the whole Din experience , Pick was not keen on having another person thinking they could have HIS boyfriend.

"Ah P'Pick this is Nong Kao, he is my beloved junior from middle school who is now joining the photography club. " Rome happily introduced " Nong Kao this is P'Pick he is our senior who has just recently graduated."

Pick and Kao politely bowed at one another.

"I'm not just your senior you cheeky boy" Pick thought.

"Actually this is the senior I was just telling you about, " Rome continued excitedly "if P'Pick is okay with it, we can borrow his car and go to Phuket to take pictures for the exhibit."

Pick inwardly facepalmed as Rome rambled on about the details of the trip. So much for his plans.

"You're going on a trip?" Pete interrupted, staring intently at Kao.

"Oi Pete, when did you get here?" Kao nervously replied.

" Oh this is Nong Pete!" Rome exclaimed then quickly turned to Kao to mock whisper "He is very handsome."

"Rome" Pick warned whilst Kao turned bright red and Pete gloated. "Dont. Nong Pete is my cousin"

At Rome's happy gasp, Pick wanted to bang his head against the wall. He didn't like the mischievous twinkle in his boyfriend's eyes.

"All four of us should go on a trip!" Rome proposed, much to Pick's dismay.

This was going to be a disaster.

____________________________________________

A/N: I just found this on my phone and decided to post. This was going to be my attempt at a funny fic but I am always tired from work and this has been sitting on my phone for months. SO I'll just leave it here and hopefully someone will like it enough to continue it. If not just imagine offguntaynew's camping episode on offgun's show as the trip 😅.

[adavenhaikyuu]

If The World Could Stand Still

Summary: 

Painfully familiar green eyes stared at him from across the hall. For a moment, Oikawa felt like he was dreaming, like one of those nightmares that’d leave him waking up in a cold sweat even as he mourned losing them to the daylight. Why was Iwaizumi here? And why did he have to be Oikawa’s new roommate?

“Hi, I’m Daichi,” the words broke him out of the green-eyed spell he’d been under, Iwaizumi looking away.

“Iwaizumi,” he bowed his head in greeting, eyes sliding back to a still frozen Oikawa. Daichi shifted next to him, shoulder gently bumping into his. “Do you two know each other?”

“We’re childhood best-”

“Yeah, we used to live near each other,” Oikawa cut Iwaizumi off, ignoring the frown his words earned. It wasn’t a lie and it’d been too long for them to still consider each other their best friend. Even if Oikawa’s heart ached at the thought.

Pairing: Iwaizumi/Oikawa

Chapters: 1/~

Word Count: 2238

Link:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28072911/chapters/68776866#workskin 

“Don’t be dismayed at goodbyes. A farewell is necessary before you meet again. And meeting again, after moments or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends.” - Richard Bach

*************************

“Iwa-chan?”

“Yeah, Tooru?”

“Why does the sun have to rise?”

*************************

Rain drizzled from a dreary sky, splattering against the foggy window panes. Oikawa’s head lolled against the slightly chilled glass, his eyes flickering open as the last tendrils of sleep slipped away. A fuzzy haze still clouded his mind, the hour-long bus nap not nearly enough to make up for two sleepless nights. He groaned and pushed himself upright, shuffling his feet until they hit the duffle bag on the ground.

It wasn’t like he’d meant to stay up for so long. How could he have known a new hero would move into town? And the bastard had been such a pain too…

Oikawa huffed and pulled out his phone, swiping through the series of texts and social media updates in his notification bar. Clicking on the one from Kuroo, Oikawa leaned his head back against the glass, ignoring the way his ribs ached.

[Kuroo:] Sure ya dont need me to come today? You took a beating last night so I wouldnt mind helping you move your stuff in

[Oikawa:] I know better than to let your mangey paws get on my stuff

[Oikawa:] I lost two hats last time! Two!

[Kuroo:] You said you didnt like them!? I was helping, you cant still be mad

[Oikawa:] I can and am.

Snapping the phone closed, Oikawa let his eyes slip shut. That alley cat was dumber than he looked if he thought Oikawa would fall for that trick again. They’d been partners in crime for too long for it to still work. Besides, it wasn’t like Kuroo had gotten away from their encounter with Anzen, or whatever he was called, injury-free.

The damn bastard had already joined up with another hero when he'd confronted their infamous selves in a jewelry shop, ruining two weeks' worth of planning and leaving them both roughed up. The whole incident was made worse because half his injuries were a result of Oikawa getting distracted by how hot the new hero was. It wasn’t fair!

The bus squealed to a stop, ending any hopes he had of getting more rest. It was a good thing he’d already lost his roommate for the semester so he could crash after getting all his stuff in the dorm. The school had attempted to make him room with someone, something he highly opposed.

Oikawa didn’t want anyone else sharing his space, especially not the rando the university initially tried to stick him with. One text conversation with the guy and Oikawa was convinced he’d only ever used three-in-one shampoo and body wash. That wasn’t the sort of environment Oikawa needed to be living in, it’d be bad for his skin.

Plus having a roommate wasn’t exactly conducive to keeping his nightly escapades a secret.

Convincing his no-longer roommate to request a room switch had been child’s play compared to what he usually convinced people to do. The next two roommates the university had tried to throw at him had been similarly dealt with. Thankfully, they’d stopped trying after the third person requested out within the month since room assignments were sent out.

Oikawa had already sent most of his items to the dorm and he hefted the one duffle bag he’d brought with him as he stood, waiting his turn to exit the bus. Fresh air from the open doors swirled around him, clearing the mild ache in his head as he breathed in the damp wind. Slipping into the aisle, Oikawa held his duffle close and shuffled off the bus.

Rain dripped onto his head and a shiver passed up his spine at the chill. It was far colder than it should be for the end of summer. Looking up, Oikawa narrowed his eyes and breathed out, daring any more rain to fall on his perfectly styled hair.

Naturally, the rain obeyed.

Campus bustled with activity despite the rain. Students huddled under umbrellas with maps while their mom hovered over their shoulders and their dad held the boxes, slowly getting soaked. He grinned at the girls he passed, catching their reddening faces as he threw them a wink and a wave before carrying on toward his dorm. It never hurt to start the fan club early. The suspicious glares from their fathers made it all the funnier. One last bit of family drama before the child and parent parted ways.

Coming to a stop outside his new home, Oikawa fished out his phone. Throwing up a peace sign, he smiled and snapped a photo. It needed a filter, but it’d work for today’s Insta post. Typing up a quick caption, Oikawa posted the photo and re-pocketed his phone as he turned back to the stairs.

A shoulder knocked into him and Oikawa stumbled forward, hissing as it jostled his bruised side but catching himself before he could hit the stairs. The other guy wasn’t so lucky. Books tumbled out of the box he’d been carrying and spilled onto the wet stairs.

“Sorry!” The other guy said, already scrambling to pick up his fallen items. Rain continued to fall on the books, soaking into their pages despite the guy’s best efforts. Crouching down, Oikawa picked up the books nearest him and let the faint breeze dancing around him ruffle the damp pages.

“Oh, uh, thanks,” the guy said, coming to a stop in front of Oikawa. He was kneeling on the wet pavement (wasn’t he worried about his pants?) with his unboxed books filling his arms, not an umbrella in sight. Water dripped off his dark brown hair into his matching brown eyes making him look quite similar to the many dads he’d passed on his way here. Instead of handing the books back, Oikawa took a few more off the precarious pile, earning him a confused look which he repaid with a dazzling smile as he stood.

“Need some help?” he asked as the other guy also got to his feet.

“Yeah, thanks. I’m Daichi,” the guy bobbed his head in greeting, his own smile lighting up his face. Oikawa tilted his head, eyes taking in the rest of the fairly plain-looking guy.

“Oikawa.”

“Thanks, Oikawa, but I can take it from here." He gestured to the books Oikawa was holding. Glancing down at the wet cardboard box on the ground, he raised a brow. He really doubted the guy could handle it all. Well, his mother had always said one good deed would be repaid with another.

"I'm on the top floor anyway, so I can carry them if you want," he shrugged and readjusted the books so they were easier to hold. Daichi's eyes widened.

"That's where I'm going too. Maybe we'll live near each other," Daichi grinned and started up the stairs again in lieu of accepting his offer, Oikawa trailing behind him. A drop of rain hit his shoulder, an icy shiver crawling across his skin. Breathing out, Oikawa let a few more drops of rain fall on his clothes, a warm breeze dancing around him to keep out the chill.

He couldn't exactly walk in completely dry, could he? That’d be suspicious now that someone was paying attention to him. He already regretted offering to help.

The rain still didn't dare touch his hair.

“So what’s your major?” Daichi asked as they entered the lobby and made for the elevator. Pushing the button, Oikawa leaned against the wall and shrugged.

“History, you?” It’d been his best subject in high school, something Kuroo always complained about, and it gave him plenty of time to dedicate to research without people getting suspicious about what he was looking up. Plus, it didn’t require a lot of math classes. Even thinking about that subject made Oikawa shiver.

“Biology, I want to get into Vet school in a few years,” he smiled and Oikawa realized many of the books they were holding had to do with animal anatomy. Maybe he could convince Daichi to get him some medical supplies. That might make getting his jacket wet worth it.

The elevator dinged and slid open, both of them shuffling inside along with three other students, pushing Oikawa to the back corner near the window. He watched as the ground slowly fell away, the elevator bringing them higher and higher. They stopped two times before reaching the seventh floor, Daichi and Oikawa stepping out into their new shared hall.

“What’s your room number?” Oikawa asked. Daichi fumbled for his key, nearly losing several books off the stack.

“Seven-twenty-nine,” He said, reading off the tag attached to the key and straightening out the pile. Oikawa’s eyes widened.

“I’m seven-thirty,” they wouldn’t be suitemates he noticed while walking down the hall, odds and evens were on opposite sides, but they’d still be across-the-way neighbors. What a coincidence.

Their rooms were at the far end of the hall next to the smallest of the three study/recreation rooms on this floor. Oikawa recognized his boxes piled next to the end door on the right. A door that was suspiciously open.

Kuroo wasn’t moving in until tomorrow and he hadn’t told the alley cat his room number. He could have asked someone for help figuring it out but something in his gut told Oikawa it wasn’t Kuroo he could faintly hear moving around in the room.

Had the University really given him another roommate? So much for good karma after helping Daichi.

“Looks like your roommate is already here,” Daichi commented. Oikawa hummed and set the books down next to Daichi’s door. Readjusting the strap of his duffle bag, Oikawa whirled around and came face to face with the absolute last person he’d ever expected to see again.

*************************

“What do you mean?”

“Why does the sun have to rise? Why can’t we stay out under the stars forever?”

“Aren’t you afraid of the dark?”

*************************

Painfully familiar green eyes stared at him from across the hall. For a moment, Oikawa felt like he was dreaming, like one of those nightmares that’d leave him waking up in a cold sweat even as he mourned losing them to the daylight. Why was Iwaizumi here? And why did he have to be Oikawa’s new roommate?

“Hi, I’m Daichi,” the words broke him out of the green-eyed spell he’d been under, Iwazumi looking away.

“Iwaizumi,” he bowed his head in greeting, eyes sliding back to a still frozen Oikawa. Daichi shifted next to him, shoulder gently bumping into his.

“Do you two know each other?”

“We’re childhood best-”

“Yeah, we used to live near each other,” Oikawa cut Iwaizumi off, ignoring the frown his words caused. It wasn’t a lie and it’d been too long for them to still consider each other their best friend. Even if Oikawa’s heart ached at the thought.

“Ok-ay, well, I’m going to let you two talk. Thanks again for helping with my books,” Daichi smiled at the both of them and escaped inside his room. That’s all Oikawa wanted to do right now.

So much for his plan to catch up on sleep.

Oikawa ignored Iwazumi and picked up one of his boxes, moving past the other boy to enter his new room. It was decent sized, nothing extravagant. Two twin beds sat against opposite walls, dressers situated at their ends and two desks nestled side-by-side between them in front of the double windows. To the left of the door was a closet and to the right, a sink next to the door leading to the bathroom.

Iwaizumi’s things were already scattered on the right side of the room, so Oikawa made his way to the left dresser and set his box and duffle on top. He’d have to reevaluate where to put his gear now that he had a roommate. Especially since he didn’t think Iwazumi would be as easy to run off as the other guys.

Turning around, Oikawa once again found himself face-to-face with Iwaizumi. His heart leaped to his throat. Two boxes of his stuff were in Iwazumi’s arms, something Oikawa tried very hard to not look at. He knew his type and he knew who his type was based on. No reason to torture himself. Brushing past Iwazumi, Oikawa went to pick up the remaining box and bring it inside.

“Too-” Iwaizumi paused at the glare Oikawa sent him, “Oikawa...how’ve you been?” The question came out rushed like it wasn’t what he really wanted to say. Not like Oikawa cared what he wanted to say, his mere presence was enough to bring back the memories he’d buried long ago.

It wasn’t fair. Was this karma for his extracurricular activities? Why couldn’t he separate Iwaizumi from those thoughts? Why did it have to hurt looking at him and remembering everything that’d passed?

“I’ve been great, how about you?” Oikawa said, setting the box next to the sink, a bright and oh so fake smile lighting up his face. The green of Iwaizumi’s eyes dimmed as he easily accepted the lie as truth.

Oikawa didn’t know if he should be relieved or cry.

*************************

“You make the nighttime safe, Iwa-chan.”

“But the sun still needs to rise, Tooru, you know that. Why don’t you want it to?”

“It’s not the dark I’m afraid of anymore…”

[sageadrianwhite]

***trigger warning possible***

With good news tho

So 2 weeks away as of this Saturday from 7 years clean!!! I've managed nearly for 7 years not to fall back on drugs & drinking. I've managed for almost 7 years not to starve myself either. I struggle in my 20's to not self harm, but always stop myself where I've maybe done one and realized stopping myself.

I've managed to get worlds better I remember being 19 an addict thinking I wouldn't see 21. I was almost right September 5th 2013 about a month before my 20th birthday. I nearly took my own life due to losing someone I loved, after I had found my one, when I had finally gotten free massive truma and the abuse of my ex. The guy I was with who was also my best friend in this world and was the one of the only reasons I was beating my addictions at the time. He was stood by me and pushing me for my best and to finally get better after a 5 year struggle to overcome the truma I've been though. I was the teen you hear about with a Micky or 2-6er taped under the bed frame. A stash of drugs hidden in a buildabear. The "rich kid" that couldn't handle the pressure of being the perfect Islamic daughter and live up to the perfect image keeping it all together spending lots on products and makeup to look not like an addict So my parents, friends and teachers didn't know. It doesn't make it easier when your abusive fiancee at the time gives you the option to be beaten or do the drugs or have your face forced in them and they have their way after.... I was a dumb 18 year old, but I'm the islamic culture not uncommon from 18-26 to marry.

It broke me when a boyfriend of mine died. It went two weeks no contact as of the night we said I love you the first time when he told me he had to pick up his drunk abusive father from the bar.......I told him to be careful and text me when hes home safe turns out he told his dad about us. His father was upset and enraged he was dating a girl who was 19 when he had just turned 18.... so his father grabbed the wheel jerking it. They hit a pole. He died on impact my then boyfriend. His father died 2 days later in hospital.

I found out two weeks later when his mom got into his Skype and called me saying shes glad she finally got in to his social media so she could let me know as he only knew his passwords.

That night My abusive ex found me when I went to the bar. I wanted to drown for a night the feeling of loss as it was the first true close loss I have had to deal with by then and was planning to then get back to sobriety the next day from finding out my boyfriend had died.

That night my abusive ex gave me drugs and convinced me to kill myself before leaving the bar with my ex best friend he cheated with. The fact he made me believe with the abuse, bullying, learning disabilities and mental illness I was the problem and believe I was better off dead due to being hammered and in a severe grieving state..

I don't remember anything after taking the drugs just waking up in my bed at home about 5 in the morning with a damp feeling all around my blanket and sheets, my room smelt coppery, my mouth tasted like a penny, but I was sitting up hugging my knees cold as hell. I felt the urge to pee so I got up fast not thinking and ran to the bathroom soon as I went past the mirror I saw the fact I was all bloody. I had unconsciously self harmed myself to the point I had 167 cuts on my body between my arms, ribs, thighs, ankles and hips. I felt dizzy looking at myself covered in blood trying to stop it. I lost conciousness and fell I hit my cheek on the way down which to this day causes me the odd facial pain due to if I had hit it any harder I would have broke the bone in my cheek and end up needing cosmetic surgery. I passed out waking up 20 mins later. I remember forcing myself to get up falling straight down to a near passout state lying there unable to move call for help or anything. I had still been bleeding and I had fading in and out consciousness at that point and somehow I heard his voice telling me "it isnt my time, I've got so much to do and this isnt where my story ends. I need to get up, I am meant for much better things than this and he better no be seeing me any time soon that when everything feels lost fight against all odds. Prove everyone wrong that you will see 25 and be something"

I somehow pushed myself up fading in and out of consciousness and stumbled bloody down the hall half using the wall and crawling till I managed to get my moms bedroom door open as I managed to grab her ankle and raspiley say "mom I need help I'm sorry"

I passed out again just as she sat up in shock looking at what I looked like last thing I remembered was the horror on her face and. When I came to my mom had saved my life and my little sister who was 13 was crying thinking she was gonna lose me. My mom she had stopped the bleeding, and made me throw up while unconscious to sober and get some of the drugs out which saved my life and she got me drinking wholy detox tea soon as I could drink and swallow plus some watermelon for the sugars.

After I spent 2 months with a massive black eye and healing cuts covering my body. That night I almost died and my mom saved my life on what would have been my little sister's first day of high school, September 5th 2013. I got help I joined therapy, I went to AA in secret till 5 months in when i had a routine, I went to NA for 4 months till I had a solid plan and was sober, started looking at programs for my mental illness and learning disorders. By 21 I had been a year an a month sober.

Now at 26 years old I've been almost 7 years sober as of September 5th 2020.

It will be 7 years sober and clean. I own my own business, I travel, I have my physical health for the first time in 10 years almost and I have the most loving, understanding, compassionate, sweet funny and kind guy possible

These days I couldn't be happier healthier and luckier to be here after what I went through life is too short to be filled with misery and hate and too short to waste being disillusioned by a fake happiness created by chemicals that arent good for you. I remember the monster I was and my lash outs and after seeing others addictions I know what I sadly put my loved ones through.

Please if you need help go seek it it's never too late because addiction is only ment to destroy you and everything you love so please don't let it win and get help

I don't post much besides the odd photo of myself here and there on my tumblr, but too many people I've cared about in my life I've lost them to drugs, I almost lost myself 7 years ago. I've had people who did drugs and turned abusive or into a monster losing themselves in the process of thinking they are medicating their issues like I did. So please if you suffer go get help it may be an underlying reason of why you have addiction mine is due to BPD (Boraderline personally disorder) which also has its issues with impulse control.

Just please get help its never to late to get treatment. Please do not wait till you get where I was. To this day I still deal with lasting effects from being a addict in my formative teen years. Odd stomach pains, not often hungry, a valve issue better my kidneys and bladder, facial pain from the fall and some digestive issues, plus old injuries that didnt heal right due I medicated for because I couldn't lose my sports or music & theater. Addiction is no joke please get help before if destroys you and everything you hold dear to you.

[ca1e70-deactivated]

a list of my entirely way too niche headcanons ive actually implemented for everyones imagination:

name options ive used and refuse to retire: david elizabeth strider (sometimes i dont feel like being a douche to others and saying thats not his name), harley davidson strider, and david james strider for the sake of simplicity

im not gonna tell yall the like. oc exes ive given him bc thatll take eighteen years. 

i dont rlly have an explanation on the ghost thing besides the fact he just can? ive occasionally pulled from family ghost stories and experiences bc i somehow got landed with family members who lived in a haunted house for a decade and enjoy scaring me with all the stories (including the time my cousin literally died on the kitchen floor from a bronchial spasm and one of the friends that was over asked my aunt later what was up with the old man she saw in the corner of the room that night - my cousin is fine btw shes just a huge bitch and a third grade teacher and i dont like her)

whether or not hes done drugs is based on absolutely nothing besides how im feeling in that moment. either hes the designated driver and sober friend forever or he got fired from his job after doing a line at work during graveyard with some random customers theres no inbetween (this absolutely happened @ waho. if dave works at waho hes a mess of a person and thats on the diner itself.)

ok look i hc dave w/schizophrenia besides when i was 14 i had a hyperfixation with learning about it and then at 16 was prescribed a medication and had side effects so wack my therapist genuinely thought 14 yr old me was onto something and its a weird way to cope with the idea that lady put in my head that i might “develop it in my twenties” which i turn 20 this year and i havent been able to stop obsessing and panicking over the prospect so PLEASE dont come in my inbox calling me ableist im not out here all harley quinn in suicide squad with the voices ok hes medicated, he goes to therapy, the hard fast delusion that lil cal was nearly sentient and informed bro of every single thing dave did no matter how asinine it was is no longer a debilitatingly affecting him ANYWAYS

i actually use the chicken/egg farming family pretty often just because its hilarious to me to give dave like. an actual mom and dad. hes literally an uncle to like three different kids he just never visits because they make fun of his skinny jeans and he hates one of his (incredibly bare-bones ocs all of them) brothers who threatened to bash his head in with a little league bat after dave broke his star wars lego set apart on accident (but not rlly) so their parents were like “why dont you stay with your brother in the big city for a lil while champ” and then they just never picked him back up? and thats on favoritism 

the other one is that his name is actually david reed and hes the middle child of a family of three who literally live the standard golden retriever white middle class life only they went to disney land or something equally as dumb one year when dave was like 6 and he wandered off so bro literally just went “huh free game” because frankly he was an idiot who thought maybe i should take this kid home because its real dangerous in parking lots and then it was too late to NOT have it seem like a kidnapping and thats why daves never had a summer job, seen his birth certificate, or gone to school. but vaguely remembers what kindergarten was like and having a pet dog and calling someone mom as a kid. 

im not making a bullet point about his sex life headcanons just use your imagination and acknowledge the fact bro essentially worked within the sex industry and i enjoy putting dave through trauma as a catharsis 

i stopped doing this one usually but if he did go to school hes been in percussion since fifth grade and played the drums in his high schools jazz band as well as various edgy teenager garage bands he likes to pretend dont have a youtube presence and that hes absolutely never been shirtless in front of plenty of his classmates because he wore a hoodie to a show like an idiot. idk occasionally ill put him in an actual band he doesnt hate but keeps separate from his lil turntechGodhead internet persona (which i will ALSO touch upon in a sec) until they wind up getting looped into a tour with some bigger named band that has a show in *insert beta kid here*’s city and hes gotta come clean solely so he can visit his online friend. sorry derseasterous thats the one time weve ever run into each other and i made him have a crush on one of his bandmates i was in my anti-daverose phase where i made dave a hoe and also didnt want to admit i still loved the ship all these years later 

i hate it so much but you know the whole vr loli trap voice shit that was popular a while ago? hes fucking baller at it for some reason. he did it as a joke while talking to bro and they both about shat their pants. if im feeling real ambitious, hes got a separate soundcloud solely dedicated to doing dumbass rap covers or making his own but in the voice under the pseudonym elizabeth “beth” davids that he will never admit is his. well, he will, but hes gonna be really fucking embarrassed about it. irony or not.

talking abt seperate soundclouds and stuff ive always had it where turntechGodhead was his like. essentially internet fucking persona facade shit he used because we all had that phase where we wanted memorable urls and stuff but also didnt want to totally ignore the nagging fear of people finding you in real life, until it turned into real life ppl finding you on the internet. so he also has basically an adjacent set of social media under the same name but its just a boring username i havent decided on so everyone he knows irl doesnt mix up with what hes made for himself as TG and the people he knows as TG dont know what highschool he goes to. (this occasionally comes with the territory of ppl on parp being pissed that daves “lying” or “hiding things” from his friends as if he was doing it out of spite instead of just keeping embarrassing tagged photos and videos from football games or when he ate shit at the skatepark from fucking with his “rap career”)

every once in a while i get on a kick where hes just german. like, i just replace houston texas with hamburg germany and have him apply to a university in whatever state is applicable for whoever im chatting with and it goes from there? sometimes he moved when he was little and went through the whole visa thing, sometimes he didnt go through the visa thing, sometimes hes a dual citizen because of family and shit, its all dependent on what suits the situation best. 

one that ive been fucking with for a while but hardly break out (until recently with like 5 roses in the span of one day hell yeah) is that he has a neighbor at the end of the hall who is like a thousand year old witch lady that hes basically adopted as his mother figure in lieu of not having one and shes totally cool with it, especially bc when she kicks the bucket she fully plans on giving dave all her occult stuff so her figure-skating coach and realtor daughter doesnt sell it at a garage sale and lets it all go to waste. she also once brought rose up by name in a conversation without any prompting of her existence which dave didnt realize for days, and then one time cryptically stopped and stared at an empty space in the wall, went “she has potential, you know.” then looked at him sitting on her kitchen counter with a smile “lots of it” and hes thought about that weekly ever since. (it is important to note one of the occult items he leaves her is literally her own personal book of shadows shes been filling out for decades its like a 600 page leatherbound book dave has no idea what its used for but the sheer amount of homemade spells and etc in it is like. gonna murder rose the second this chick gets her hands on it i promise you.)

theres the standard strife shit? im not rlly gonna get into those theyre all basically cookie cutter bullshit. its just standard bro and dave abuse talk. i like to inclulde the whole 24hr live cam up in the apartment that definitely watches dave in every room besides his own and the bathroom, but that quickly delves into the prospect of middle-aged men stalking him online and basically sexually harassing him in his own god damn home by talking about how they can see him just trying to take his shoes off in the living room after getting home and frankly? its not one of my best takes! but once you throw it into the headcanon bin, its there forever. 

he actually really does do something with his photography but not enough to warrant anything exciting, but he has his own branding for it and regularly takes pictures of his friends or anything else he thinks is moderately interesting enough to take pictures of, but those are just thrown into shoeboxes under his bed in favor of posting genuine shots because he wants to keep his image intact and blurry photos of jade smiling in the tree they climbed up together while bec paws at the base of it while whining isnt exactly something he wants the whole world to see.

i also pretty often but him into either paleontology OR i put him down as trying to become a mortician because he thinks handing roadkill once he graduated from museum giftshop specimens to doing his own taxidermy on the side has prepared him enough to perform an occasional autopsy and start embalming real human corpses. (sometimes i put my own desires in and make them his bc i have to project at some point and put him through the same EMT course i dropped out of bc it was one semester and he already has pretty decent first aid skills, but he definitely didnt expect it to be as fucking wild at times as it is, but whats he gonna do? get a job back at waffle house? the company hes working for just offered to pay like half his associates in paramedicine tuition and hes already got all his pre-recs done when he started for paleo. at least its a stable job and hes got the ability to be compassionate in the moment) 

im running out of things that ive done to the poor kid. OH 

hes not a virgin he had a girlfriend all four years of high school (shes also one of his optional and designated exes plz keep up) and their relationship ends in one of two ways: she dies in a car accident a week before their high school graduation, or she stops talking to him entirely a week after their high school graduation until a couple years later she gets into (guess what) a car accident with her current wife/girlfriend and dies which leaves behind their daughter. who just so happens to also be daves daughter. her name is hannah and i love her like my own but no one ever likes her and thats on the conditioning of dirk. does dave end up taking her in? yes. shes awesome and the first time he takes her to the park to like run off some fucking steam she disappears for two minutes and dave is moderately terrified until she comes back holding a dead baby squirrel and thats the moment he realizes huh maybe things really do be genetic.

ok at the bottom of the list im gonna add the couple of times hes been a camboy which usually coincides with the live apartment cam thing and the amount of people in his dms calling him hot or whatever, but typically its more of a started the day he turned 18 and basically dipped around 20 in favor of showing up randomly with no warning to complain about a video game dick in hand because it gives him an outlet that wont annoy his friends bc this is the fifteenth time hes had a lot to say this week about a certain boss battle and also the comments fuel his ego and daddy issues.

the last one wasnt the bottom but literally unless its explicitly proven otherwise every time anyone rps with me there is the underlying fact dave strider was a goalie on his high school lacrosse teams all four years and (shocker another one) definitely had the hots for one of his teammates like major hots like first gay experience hots. like it was painfully obvious that teammate also liked him back hots. like one night at a team sleepover one of the other guys was like can yall just makeout and get it over with were fucking tired and dave really had the balls to be offended and ask what the fuck they were talking about while literally sitting halfway in the mans lap bc for some reason they had to share the same chair. 

he is also guilty until proven innocent of being the worlds biggest loner outside of that sports team and even though hes literally a jock he still opts to eat his lunch alone in the hallway or something like that and has a tendency to leave girls on read, but bc hes got an in with the rest of the jocks hes basically drug around to plenty of parties and since hes conventionally attractive enough and popular in the aloof way that he is, hes got plenty of tagged insta posts and twitter directs and snapchat streaks going. 

THESE WERE ALL NO GAME AND DONT INVOLVE SHIPS BC I LIKE TO KEEP MY OPTIONS OPEN AND THEYRE LITERALLY ALL BASED OFF RPS IVE DONE I HOPE YALL JUDGE ME ACCORDINGLY

[ursoself-satisfying]

do you think eugene is maybe scared of long boat trips? i was thinking about it the other day, maybe he plans on going on holiday with his s/o and the only way to go abroad would be on a boat right? but maybe he would get a little (a lot? im not an expert on this) ptsd while being on the boat and his s/o supporting him but not fully understanding because lets be honest, no-one apart from the soldiers fully understand this sort of stuff, and maybe there's another veteran on-board who helps him?

Before we get into it I wanna say I totally agree n that unless u actually have experienced that ur rly not gonna understand what the person is going thru n this applies to all kinds of trauma but just bc u dont understand doesnt mean u cant do ur best to or that u cant still love support n help them handle it n it doesnt mean they're not gr8tful for ur involvement even if u dont understand,, writing for post war eugene is always tricky cus I dont wanna assume ik how any of this goes or the extent of what it entails i havent done this I've barely done any research its heartbreaking tho n unfair n I just wanted to say all that before u get into this cus it's a combo of both asks but also more of a touchy subject than I feel like I've addressed here so that's just a heads up but enjoy!!

Omg eugene my bby

I def think hes still afraid of boats big time,, so when the two of u decide to go abroad for ur honeymoon it's a big decision for u two to make one w lots of beforehand discussions n considering all ur other options but in the end the push of ur families n the pull of the convenience of a boat eases u both into the decision, even tho nothing about it u kno is going to be easy,, Eugene is p nervous cus I mean the nightmares have lessened n u both have been learning how to handle his flashbacks n the like but u had never tried anything like this yet so on one hand it could be a good time to test the waters but on the other hand neither of u have any idea how itll actually go

Even just in the car on the way there he starts to get shakey n then on the dock it gets a bit worse but ur hands r on him somehow the whole time either locked in his or on his leg or arm or stuck in his pocket n that comforts him, ur touch anchors him n keeps him from drifting to worse thoughts it keeps him thinking about u instead,, its till hard tho just thinking about it being back on that boat forcing himself to remember hes going to France n it's not occupied n hes not alone n hes going to get to see the sights w his wonderful wife n thoroughly enjoy those bright French mornings n that it's going to be quiet, no more bombs or raids or alarms just u n him under thin sheets hot n sticky n just together n safe

But first,, the boat

On the boat? It was rough,, every bit of turbulence n every odd sway made him anxious n as much as u tried to entice him to enjoy more of the boats activities like a cabaret show or even just playing some chess out on the deck n tho u could get him out a few times n he did enjoy himself,, he spent most of his time in the cabin trying to ignore the fact he was on a boat at all,, the rest of his time not being coaxed out by u he spent napping in a deck chair w u often lounging beside him n watching over his sleep carefully, also making sure he didnt burn n lathering her exposed skin in sunblock as much as u could as he slept

U two kept busy in the cabin tho I mean it was ur honeymoon after all ;;;))) so he ravaged u as often as he could bc not only were u a comfort but also a distraction,, u did other things as well tho like laying n listening to ur favourite radio shows or playing guitar to him or sketching him or dancing together or once even doing a silly little fashion show where he def tripped after putting on ur heels

He did have a few attacks tho but u had prepared as best u could n even if some of ur cabin took a beating in an outburst u had always managed to talk him down n he spent a lot of time in ur arms

His breakdowns btw would come suddenly when something would trigger him like a sudden movement or a splash against ur window n then he would get angry n scared n become protective of u until his aggression bubbled over into hot tears drowned out by ur soft words of confirmation trying to tell him u were on a modest cruise liner n u were going to Europe n that the guns n the bombs n the tropical climate were all far away n u would pull him into a cold shower w u n he would often (fuck u hard first then) just cling to u n cry until he could calm down n fall asleep n if he stirred in his sleep u would repeat the process until he could sleep soundly

He was gr8tful to finally be off the boat n back on land tho n once in Paris the two of u could rly enjoy ur honeymoon beginning w breaking in ur hotel bed ;;;)))

But then the two of u got to see the Eiffel Tower n the Seine n the Louvre n Notre dame n it was all so amazing!!!! U spent half the time w ur head in ur sketchbook n he spent all his time taking photos of u w ur head in ur sketchbook lol

The photos were brilliant n sweet n excessive n there were def a few of u bare n freshly fucked (pardon my french) w the Parisian skyline out the window behind u, the morning like shining thru ur messy hair like a halo,, but there were also many of him from the perspective of u kneeling over him n many more of both of u playfully holding up the tower or picnicking in front of a cathedral w u plucking at ur guitar or him w a bottle of wine at his lips

It was all v picturesque n romantic n perfect n u thought he deserved nothing less n he thought the same for u ::""))

U spent about 4 weeks there together n he had throughly used his time to fuck u in every way possible n use every toy u brought with but then it was suddenly time to go home n u were concerned about eugene being back on the boat but he seemed less nervous when u got on n he admitted to feeling a lot better after the first trip n this time he actually went out w u n u played board games w other passengers n danced in the halls n sang w the cabaret n he still sunbathed n napped n made love to u n wrecked ur cabin n u still listened to all ur radio shows n drew n sang but ur lives felt more full somehow after this experience

Oh n u def showed off everything u had bought is Paris n as much as he loved that silk dress on u he loved peeling it off u even more ;;;)))

He rly did feel better when u were finally home to ur little cottage for the first time together as a globetrotting married couple ::"")) he felt better that he hadnt handled it nearly as bad as hed expected n urs n his trip abroad left u feeling loved n cultured n more experienced in life plus u both had taken a huge chance n now u were better for it n felt more capable n confident that he was getting better n it was an affirmation that u would take care of him n that u would always be there for him, just as u had said in ur vows ::""))

He was happy to consummate ur new marriage in ur own bed for the first time tho lol n on top of that gr8 feeling it was just gr8 that he felt less held back w u there w him especially after the boat experience

So yeah a quick note I rly do think he would be terrified of ever stepping foot on a boat again n would refuse it n be vvv adamant about not doing it again for a vvv long time but I think he could be worn down n would EVENTUALLY be ok w it but maybe not this fast n tho I dont feel like I go into much detail here he def has a hard time on the boat as well like hes just agitated the whole time n probably was prescribed some medication for it if just some motion or sea sickness meds n maybe anxiety but i would say it prolly makes him drowsy so hes kinda out of it which keeps him calm but doesnt stop certain flashbacks n maybe he lashes out n hurts someone once in a while cus it's incredibly traumatic returning to that environment but anyway yeah he would be v fidgety n not like it but in this scenario hes willing to take a chance given how well hes been recovering n how much he trusts u n how much u have helped him n the option had pull so that's why but rly I dont think irl he would have gone back on a boat anywhere near that soon but this is romantic fiction so ::))

Also I have a v specific image of who eugene is w if u cant tell lol so I'm sorry for that specificity but I'm so whipped for him n his gal I lov sm I hope u enjoy n guys I'm so motivated to finally write out the storyline I have for him I'm gonna finally get out his fic ok I promise

[nobeliumoxygenoxygen]

Seromina || Firsts

For Sero Ship Week Day 3: Firsts at @seroshipweek​

SUMMARY: Ashido tends to overshare her personal life on social media so it’s only fitting that she shares her favourite moments on it too, right?

But this time, it’s only for one pair of eyes.

GENRE: sero hanta x ashido mina, social media au (I think?)

TEXT from your queen 💕

follow @iloveutapeboi on insta its private but dw youll be accepted start from the first post!!!!!!!!

POSTS

1

[Image: Candid of Sero taken from the side; slightly blurry, low angle as if the photographer was trying to be discreet as they took it. He’s wearing an orange hoodie with black stripes. He’s grinning at someone in front of him and he holds a bitten meat pie in one hand. In the background, there are barely visible bowling lanes.]

Caption: the first time i thought to myself “maybe seros actually cute and i actually like him in a like like way” if that make sense lol. maybe there were other times but this was the earliest memory i could think of. this was after that laser tag game we all played and you did your whole dramatic self sacrificing for me (lol quickest way to my heart - take a laser tag shot for me). 

2

[Image: Image of the city taken from inside a bus. Half the image is of the seats of the bus whilst the other half are buildings of the city. A few people are in the shot, but they’re faces are unrecognisable.]

Caption: first time I realised I was in loveeee (i love youu) how cheesy amirite. its a bus because i realised it when we were going back to ua together after a field trip and idk i just had this light bulb moment ok ugh this is too cheesy were done here ily but im cringing too hard at the cheesinesssss (two posts in and im already dying but im pushing thru!!!!)

3

[Image: 2 puppies being held by someone who is clearly Sero by the look of the arms and his orange black striped hoodie. One puppy in each arm; a white pit bull and a brown one.]

Caption: our not-so-official first date?? idk if you’d call it that but like......we were alone together so idk??? u know i was going to actually confess today but the dogs were so cute they distracted me!! so i forgot lol!!! (theyre only sliiiiiightly cuter than u dw dw!!! 🤣)

4

[Image: Sero’s silhouette inside a movie theater. He’s facing the camera but it’s too dark to see much other than the shadows of his face and the glint of his white teeth in his grin. In the far left of the photo, the Lego Movie is playing.]

Caption: our official first date (tho i guess it was kinda rushed??? considering i literally told u i liked u like an hour earlier lmao but i wouldnt have it any other way ❤️)

5

[Image: Ashido’s room, taken from the doorway. The bed is unmade; the curtains are drawn back to let the sunlight in; the desk is a mess of school books and loose sheets. Ashido’s arms are outstretched in front of the camera; she’s forming a heart with her hands.]

Caption: place we had our first kiss!!! (tho we failed like five times and kept laughing!! the movies are wayyyy too serious - they make it seem like ur not allowed to laugh!! our kisses are so much better😘)

6

[Image: Pathway leading up into a park where cherry blossom trees frame the edges. There are a few passerbys and one dog, legs a blur, running through the image.]

Caption: place i asked you to be my boyfriend because SOMEONE STILL had this WEIRD idea that?? i??? didnt?? like?? them? EVEN AFTER?? LIKE FIVE DATES?? AND FIVE KISSES???

7

[Image: UA Heights Alliance common room. Looking through the windows, it’s night and there’s no one in there but there’s food wrappers strewn across the coffee table and the floor.]

Caption: place you said your first i love you (ok i suppose i shouldnt be salty about the boyfriend asking thing because first ilys are such a milestone!!!! ps. im still sorry i panicked when u said it lmao i love how we laugh about it but i know from sources coughbakuyellingthat1tapeboiwasstressingashell that you almost cried ilyyyyyyyy ❤️❤️❤️)

8

[Image: Close up focus of Sero’s lit up face. He’s giving a close-eyed smile to someone slightly to the left of the camera. Just making it in the frame is a slice of bright blond hair. The background is blurred but it is clearly of a busy beach; the sky is blue and there’s not a cloud in sight. There are two figures, one shirtless with red hair and one wearing a wetsuit cut off at the lower thigh with what might be black or dark purple hair in the water in the far background.]

Caption: when i said my first i love you (i love you toos and i love yous on phones dont count!!! and also u are sooooooo cute in this photo!!! not that ur not always cute ofc 😋)

9

[Image: Text screenshot. (Sent) Ashido: IM SO MAD AT U SERO HANTA ANSWER MEEE (Receiving) Sero: NEVER U TRAITOR (Sent) Ashido: UR THE TRAITOR!!!!]

Caption: first fight :( one of the saddest chapters of my life i hope we never do that again ❤️

10

[Image: Rice with natto on top, chopsticks on the side. The dish is on top of pink, patterned napkins.]

Caption: first (of many!!!!!!!!) anniversaries (see??? taking pics of food is VERY important!! and u dared to make fun of my ‘attempts at being aesthetics’!!)

11

[Image 1: Necklace in shape of a crown with engraving of words “Alien Queen”.  Image 2: Necklace is flipped over with engraving of words “Ashido Mina”.]

Caption: first (of many!!!!!!!!!!) anniversary presents (I LOVE IT SO MUCH WHY R U SO NICEEEEEEE ITS SO CUTE IM WEARING IT EVERYDAY ILY)

12

[Image: From the side, Sero smiling softly, looking up at a beautiful orange sky to match his brighter orange hoodie. His eyes are wide but he’s happy. Behind are a few trees.]

Caption: I love youuuuuuuuuuuu sero hantaaaaaaaaaa and dont you forget it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *spam of heart emojis* (also u r seriously wearing the same hoodie in like five of these pics w h y)

TEXT to your queen 💕

im actualy cryin can i call u

TEXT from your queen 💕

oof  [Image: google search bar “how to comfort crying boyfriend”.] ofc u can!!

CALL TRANSCRIPT:

Sero: How long have you been planning this? I love you so muchhhhhhhh. I’m crying, can you hear my tears? How did you do it? Did you go to every place or were you planning this from the beginning?

Ashido: *laughter* You can’t hear tears dummy. And you’re not meant to cry! Its meant to be a happy thing! *more laughter*

Sero: ...Glad to know your happy about my pain. ...Its amazing I have literally no words Ashido. I love it-I love you and I love us. Thank you so much.

Ashido: Awww don’t make me blush. It was nothing!

Sero: What do you mean NOTHING? Don’t insult yourself Ashido Mina this is...I don’t know-EVERYTHING!

Ashido: Okay that’s true. I’m awesome.

Sero: I’m going to treasure this forever. You’ll never delete this account right?

Ashido: *giggling* Course not!

Sero: It’s too amazing. Seriously, and I gave you the most cliche relationship present ever.

Ashido: Eesh don’t worry! I love my present! Besides it was the final piece for the account!

Sero: If you say so. You know, I don’t think a meme war counts as a fight...in a relationship...

Ashido: Of course it does! I was soooo angry at you. How could you side with Kirishima?! It was so frustrsting! You wouldn’t BELIEVE!

Sero: ...Trust me I believe. *muffled* Especially after you taped me to the ceiling.

Ashido: What was that?

Sero: Nothing! Also how’d you take the pic of your room with your arms in front of you? Is it...*whispers loudly* sorcery?

Ashido: *giggling* You got it. I have a second quirk that I-...I kept secret. Yup. But I’m telling you because you’re my boyfriend and all.

Sero: And I will totally believe you, because you’re my girlfriend, and all. Hey, I know you need your beauty sleep but can I come over--

Ashido: Yes!

Sero: --tomorrow--wait, what?

Ashido: Oh. Well-

Sero: *muffled snort* Someone’s desperate.

Ashido: *huff* Shhh! You can come over anytime!

Sero: Would you really not mind if I came over now? At like...*shuffling* eleven?

Ashido: Is that even a question? If you come over now, I can add it to the journal!

Sero: The journal?

Ashido: The account Sero!

Sero: Okay...Why? It’s not the first time I’ve been to your house. Firsts was the theme right?

Ashido: Yep! And I can make it ‘First night spent together’ wink wink.

Sero: …*muffled laugh* Whatever floats your boat.

Ashido: But you’re getting a cab here right? You better not walk out this late at night!

Sero: I mean, we’re both training to be heroes if we can’t walk out at night then what could we do--

Ashido: Sero you butt!

Sero: --but yes I’m getting a cab.

Ashido: Good! You better stay on the phone the whole time too!

Sero: Of course. I love you Ashido Mina.

Ashido: And I love you Sero Hanta! ...Wait are you still wearing that orange hoodie?

Sero: ...*distant mumbles* Why do you hate my beloved hoodie so much?

Ashido: *equally distant mumbles* If you wear it one more time the photos will think you have one hoodie.

Sero: What would you say if I said yes?

Ashido: I’d say we’ve got our next date planned and you can guess what it is.

Sero: ...I mean, I wouldn’t say no to any time with you anyway?

Ashido: Pfft, stop being cute. Just-alright, whatever. Tomorrow? At whatever time we wake up I guess?

Sero: It’s a date.

A/N: completely forgot that they live in the same building so pretend it’s holidays or something 🤷 buuuut i hope you enjoyed this was harder than expected so im rlly sorry if they seem ooc 😳!! Thanks for reading!!

[montydollcrew]

Event Report - Doll Show 53 (Early Summer Asakusa) Part 1

Last week there were two doll events in Tokyo - Doll Show and Dolpa. Dolpa was only the day after! I went to both. 

Jasper came with me, mainly because I had already looked up the dealers list and knew that there would be people selling clothes made for Dearmine Beans, which are a tricky size to fit due to their big thighs not fitting standard Obitsu11 stuff unless its extremely stretchy like the leggings he’s had till now. (If you’re wondering why he no longer has blushing on his ears, long story short I screwed up glueing his magnets back in after they came out and the only way to remove them was to use acetone to dissolve the glue, which meant losing the blushing. I do plan to redo it once I get some pink pastels)

This was also my first Doll Show! I had considered only going to Dolpa, but Doll Show is an event for all dolls while Dolpa is only for Volks products, so Doll Show is a good way to see all kinds of other dolls. The event started at 11am, but tickets were being sold from 8am. In order to get a priority entry ticket and be allowed in first, you had to be there from 8...which is what I did, because I wanted to buy some stuff from Ronronshuka for a friend and since she’s so popular, her stuff disappears pretty quickly. The priority entry were tickets with random numbers on them which determined your place in the priority line - I think it was between 1-500, but it could have also been up to 900. (I forgot what I had, it was around 240 or so I think, so not bad)

Besides Jasper I’d also bought Mel’s headless body along, as I was meeting constellar (who was visiting Japan mainly for Dolpa) to get his head back with the new faceup. I will do a pic spam of him later, but he looked absolutely wonderful and I can’t get over it.

Here he is impatiently waiting in line. Anyway, Doll Show was comprised of 3 floors in the building it was in. The 7th floor had the ticket sales as well as Azone International’s booth (they do sales as well as unveil new products at Doll Show), while floors 5-6 were for the other dealers. The ‘fun’ part was they didnt want the lift going constantly up and down all morning so were discouraging anyone who didn’t actually need it to use it before 12 or so, meaning that we had to take the stairs to the 7th floor. I sure got some good exercise in this trip, anyway. What surprised me was that Azone hadn’t actually set anything up yet when we were all waiting in line - I assumed they’d do it the night before - but our position in line allowed us to watch them set up. (however, they put a barricade around the new doll displays so that no one could see them until the event started). I wondered if they’d get it done in time but they worked very quickly and it was kind of cool to see.

When it was finally time to go in, I headed straight to Ronronshuka. Even though I managed to get 18th or so in line for her stall, I still missed out on one of the things my friend asked for - luckily I got the rest. There was also a really beautiful DD dress set I wanted to get for myself which had also sold out. But it was also kind of pricey, and seeing as there was still Dollpa after this, I didn’t want to buy anything too expensive. Pics weren’t allowed until after 12 so here are some pics of Ronronsuka’s booth that I took later in the day. She honestly has the cutest displays and her custom DDs are the cutest I’ve ever seen.

The pink and white set the white-haired DD is wearing is what I wanted - I think it’d really suit Luka, but oh well.

Ronronsuka’s also come out with a line of her own wigs which look great and had me sorely tempted, but I don’t really have a use for any of them at this point. It was the first time I’d seen what Ronronshuka looks like, and she’s so glamorous! I wanted to tell her how much I love seeing her cats on instagram, but I got too starstruck. By the time I’d done my initial round of shopping and looked at everything it was past 12, so I started to take photos, starting with Azone on the 7th floor.  Their product displays for new and upcoming items:

It looks like they’re making another version of the new super poseable Pure Neemo body that has proportions closer to the original, which I’m glad of. The slight chunkiness of the original body was part of the entire charm of pure neemo, so the super skinny new bodies with the ugly joints don’t interest me at all.

Kikipop’s Hoekuchi versions are also coming! I have never been that interested in the Azone versions of Kikipop because my favourite of the resin ones have always been the Hoekuchi versions, and I told myself I’d only ever consider getting one if Azone finally made them. Looks like these ones are going to be really, really cute...;; We shall see! Anyway, the 50cm girls:

I wasnt really interested in showing off too many of the new products myself since other people do a better and more in-depth job. If you are interested in all the new Azone stuff shown (which is more than what I’ve shown) check Neemosi on twitter.

Now some miscellaneous photos from other dealers! Note: I did not take photos of every single dealer as it would have taken far too long - and I also only really took photos of stuff that interested me (so not many Blythes or Pullips for the most part despite how many there were, sorry). But you can see the full list of dealers here if you’re interested. They encompassed everything from Obitsu11cm and even smaller, to the 70cm+ dolls, and there was also some guy selling wigs for 1/1 dolls.

I really loved these little robot guys this guy was selling!

There was a vote going on here to decide what the next face of these Petworks dolls should be. I cant remember if I voted B or D.

I’m usually not a big fan of Angelphilia but the girl in the pink shirt has a real cute face.

Obitsu unveiled their new 45cm boy body and I like it a lot. The main thing I dont like about Obitsu bodies is the ugly knees, but they’ve gotten rid of that here. It’s very promising! 

Obitsus 1/6 girls are all very cute too. They have removable eyes and wigs, unlike pure neemos.

I quite like these carrying cases.

I wish I’d gotten Jasper some clothes from here too, but I’d already bought him clothes elsewhere and was trying to stay under budget.

The above two pics was a dealer selling eyes made from real gemstones. They were extremely expensive but also amazing. I couldnt really take any good photos of the eyes themselves, because my camera wouldnt focus on them properly and the lighting made them look different in the photos to IRL, which was annoying, but I tried. The dealer was wearing a waist-coat and looked like some kind of fantasy character.

The above two pics are from Good Smile Company’s booth there - they were showing off their new doll line, Harmonia Bloom. I honestly didn’t like these much at all when I first saw them online, but I think they do look better in person. However, I’m not really a fan of this kind of aesthetic. I had been hoping that they would be showing their new obitsu11-esque doll bodies/clothes for nendoroids that they showed at a previous WonderFest but unfortunately they weren’t. Still, it’s interesting that Good Smile are branching into dolls now.

I got a shirt from this booth! Although I kind of wish I’d gotten one of the short dresses to act as a shirt instead.

That condludes the dealers! Here’s what my booty for the day ended up being:

Two wigs (same style/colour, different sizes), clothes for Jasper, a shirt for Mel, heart sunglasses for Bri, shoes for Mel and also a new hat for Mel, because his current one had a really large brim that was annoying me. This hat was actually from the exact same dealer I bought that hat from last year, but the brim is a lot shorter. The next post will be the displays of the patrons dolls, which is always fun to see.

[hyliancutiepie]

when you drunk kiss your best friend and he doesn’t remember

it’s been a loooong time since i posted any fic... i’ve been feeling all kinds of useless recently and writing anything... just didnt work out. it was a real pain ;;; especially as i have a plan for a big fic that at this stage may not come true but i want it to so... i’m trying to write shorter fics to try n oil the engine, so to speak. so here, take a promptis fic i wrote :3

It was the worst morning of his life probably. Not only did he get very little sleep the night before, but his head was pounding like an absolute bitch. He shouldn’t even be awake in any morning hours after the night he’d just had. And yet here he was, holding a fist full of Prompto’s hair out of his face, rubbing his back, as the blond threw up into the toilet. It was lucky they were in Noct’s apartment because Prompto’s toilet was all squished into a tight space and fitting the both of them into the position they were in would have been hell. Noct yawned in a way that would have made Ignis glare and licked his lips, smacking his lips and tongue, thirsty and aching, eyes squinting in the dull sunlight streaming in the fogged window of the bathroom.

“I’m sorry, Noct…” Prompto whimpered, promptly shutting his lips again, gulping and then gagging before he hung his head into the bowl again to let it all out.

 Noct tried to feel cranky at Prompto, really he did. But it was near impossible to hate anything about Prompto and it was this apologetic nature – especially when apologies weren’t at all needed – that made Noct love him more.

Love. That’s exactly what it was, and it was everything that had transpired the night before that had brought it all to light for Noct, even if Prompto had been less than coherent when their mouths had met for the first time.

 It had been Prompto’s birthday and now that he was of age, he wanted to go club hopping, chat up girls, get drunk and party the night away. All of it he had done, except chatting up girls. From the moment he’d sculled down the drink Gladio mixed, Prompto had been hanging off Noct’s arm, clinging to his hand, pulling him around each club, keeping him close when they’d danced. Had initiated the kiss that had transpired after they’d been knocked against a wall, face to face. It had been like actual fireworks and Noctis had clung on, turned them around and pressed Prompto there, making out in the most public of places.

 It was dark anyway, no one was going to notice it was him.

 Noctis hadn’t been sober by any means either but he’d kept himself sober enough to know that when Prompto could no longer stand up straight, it was time to go. They’d stumbled into the taxi and although Noct had tried to keep it clean, Prompto felt the need to slide his mouth down the side of his neck, clinging desperately to the fabric of his shirt.

 How Noct had managed to get Prompto back into his apartment was a miracle, the blond flopping onto the bed and falling asleep instantly.

 Once all the contents of Prompto’s stomach was emptied, Noct moved Prompto into the bathtub and began to undress him. They were both still wearing their clubbing clothes which reeked of sweat, smoke and alcohol.  Once Prompto was undressed, Noct began running the bath and sat there by Prompto’s side, ready to turn off the water when the bath was full enough.

 “Thanks Noct.” Prompto mumbled, leaning on the edge of the bath. “You’re the best.”

 “Hey, it’s nothing.” Noct assured him. “Did you have fun last night?”

 Prompto went silent and he seemed thoughtful for a long moment before he replied, eyes focused on a random tile on the floor. “Honestly? I don’t remember much at all? We got to… The Behemoth bar? That was the third one right? And then I just don’t remember a thing.”

 For some reason, Noct felt his heart sink. “Not a thing?”

 A shake of Prompto’s head later and Noct turned his face away, not wanting to give away the… disappointment? Yeah, he felt damn disappointed. Sure, their first kiss being brought on by alcohol wasn’t favourable, but it would be a great way to ease into the whole ‘hey so I actually really like you’ conversation Noct’s been trying to bring about for several weeks. “W-why? Did something happen?”

 Noctis laughed to try and cover everything up. “N-nah, not really! You kinda drank a bunch of different things, dude, no wonder you don’t remember.” He carefully stood to his feet and ruffled Prompto’s hair. “Get cleaned up. I’ll call Iggy about some breakfast.”

 “Can you bring my phone?” Prompto asked in a particularly cute voice. “I wanna check my facebook and stuff.”

 He tried not to roll his eyes but retrieved Prompto’s phone anyway, told him to wash up before he spent an hour scrolling the net and then returned to his room to grab his own phone from the side table.

 What he found was a whole bunch of notifications. Phone calls, messages, mostly from Ignis and some from Gladio. He frowned and instead of looking at the messages, he just called Ignis instead. He was probably freaking out because he hadn’t messaged when they got home.

 “Noctis. Have you entirely lost your mind?”

 “Hi to you too, Specs.” Noct said flatly. “Look, I know I forgot to message you last night but we both fell asleep before we could even get changed, so can you just cut me som – ”

 “Oh Noct, that is not what this is about. I have been doing damage control since the early hours of the morning.” Ignis stated firmly.

 Noctis frowned, sitting on the edge of the bed. “Why? What did I do? I don’t remember doing anything image-damaging last night.”

 “Look, just stay off your social media for a while. And keep Prompto off his as well. There’re photos all over the place.” Ignis explained. “I’m on my way over now with breakfast.”

 “Thanks, Specs. Can you bring something for hangovers?” Noct asked, glancing to the bathroom door. “Prompto’s been throwing up since he got up.”

 Ignis sighed on the other end and even though he was clearly judging them, he didn’t make any comments on it before he hung up.

 With curiosity getting the better of him, Noctis went through the notifications on his phone, mostly to get rid of the annoying red dot, ignored Gladio’s odd taunting, and then opened a webpage in search of news.

 Images everywhere, over every article, plastered at the title of that morning’s breaking news. His eyes widened, dropping his phone as he heard Prompto gasp from the bathroom.

 “Oh fuck…” Noctis mumbled and rushed to the bathroom door, realising it was all too late anyway. Prompto was clasping a hand over his mouth, his eyes brimming with tears as is gaze slowly turned to Noct. “Prom…”

 “We… we kissed?” Prompto whispered. His voice was barely loud enough to hear and Noct felt his heart ache. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

 Noct walked over to the tub and crouched beside it, taking the phone from Prompto’s hand and putting it aside. “I was gonna wait until you felt a bit better, Prom.” He confessed. It was kind of a lie, but in his mind he had intended to tell Prompto eventually. “I didn’t plan on you forgetting all about it.” He added, feeling even more sheepish.

 Soaking wet, Prompto launched his arms around Noct’s neck, sobbing into his shoulder. “N-noct I’m such an idiot!” He hiccupped. “I can’t even remember our first kiss!”

 “Oh Prom.” Noct muttered. “Don’t worry about it, man. There’ll be more.”

 Like a flash of lightning, Prompto had Noctis at arms-length and was fixing him with a wide-eyed stare. “Do you mean that?”

 Noctis felt a little bit proud of himself. And also like an idiot. “Yeah, once you’ve brushed your teeth, man, your breath reeks.” He said, saving face by pushing Prompto back into the water.

 Laughing, the same bright, eyes scrunched shut, laugh that Prompto always used, the blond splashed Noct with a wave of his hand.

[iridescentwanders]

The Baltic States

Literally only came home for one day after Lofoten and set off to the Baltic region again. HAHA when I talk about plans I have for the upcoming weekends, people here always have the same kind of response: “how many trips do you have?!”. Kinda think its just a Singaporean thing to love travel though. The Baltic region is not a common tourist destination but it is one of the regions that I have been wanting to go! 

I did a solo trip here, which as you guys know I love, so I was very excited. I landed in Estonia, but decided to head to Latvia for two days before checking the place out. Honestly, they are pretty similar but Latvia was prettier! think this place is something that you will like if you are into fine architecture or medieval shit. *cues dionne*. What surprised me was how almost everyone could speak English fluently and how safe it was??  

These are some attractions but the streets and every building in the Old Towns are lined with super detailed and nice architecture. I went into this traditional bar restaurant based on the local’s recommendation called Folkklubs Ala Pagrabs, and it was SO GOOD?? The bar looks like a place that came out of a movie set in another century, with live traditional music, and most importantly super good food. I tried this dessert called “beer fritters” and IT WAS JIZZZZ. Also tried some Latvian beer and I wish I could have more but I was too full. 

Also this random Latvian girl came up to me and told me that my sweater was super cute and asked where i bought it! I was secretly quite happy about it hahahahah. 

I popped into this cafe and they had some very sarcastic murals (HAHA LAV IT) but these were my fav: 

~~~~~

DAY 4: ESTONIA

Headed to an open air museum first and it showed different estonian farms in the early centuries. There was this super cute ancient-looking candy shop! I just HAD TO buy something there haha. Almost got lost cos it was so quiet and we kept walking in circles afterwards though. 

~     

I think I generally loved it there because I like medieval shit. I casually mentioned this and was recommended to go to this medieval-themed restaurant and it was such an interesting experience omg! 

It was too dark inside (it was only lit with candles on each table like how it really used to be in medieval times or the kind you see in Game of Thrones) so I couldn’t really capture it. But literally everything was designed that way, the interior, the dressing of the waiters and waitresses, and how the food was served (look at the wooden fork and knife hahah). OK even the toilet sink was like in a pot of water like that! 

Also i did a lucky draw and won a medieval hand-made cup that was worth 5Euros (which is alot given that one meal here costs less than 5euros)! :D 

~

I did a city walking tour and met this Indian guy that I really hit it off with. I don’t know how it is that I can click with a middle-aged Indian man but ok HAHAHHA. We ended up having lunch together for 2.5hrs (much wowz) and we even wanted to make plans together the next day (but I bailed)! It was actually very nice and you learn so much just meeting new people from all walks of life. He had a business in India which he sold, moved to Amsterdam and have been travelling around Europe for almost two years. The other day in Latvia I also had dinner and drinks with this canadian girl who quit her job and sold her home and has been travelling around for a year or so. And she just plans to keep travelling until she run out of money and then decide where to work. Damn YOLO, I really wish one day I can save up enough money and muster the courage to just do this as well.  

Cheryl hung out with me sometimes, and we went to catch Phantom of the Opera! It’s kinda my first musical and it was good, but she didnt like the plot and kept saying how stupid the main characters are HAHAHAH. But listening to their singing kinda makes me wana go back and listen to symphonic metal again #teenagedays 

Also apparently you’re supposed to dress up when you attend a musical? we went there in our sweater and jeans when everyone else was dressed like it was prom with suits and fancy dresses OMG LOL. 

I dont have any photos but I want to mention about the Bastion Passages. It was a secret underground tunnel used since the 1700s by locals for various reasons, up all the way till the 1990s and it was turned into a museum only in recent years. Alot of its original condition is still there and we could walk through the entire tunnel with a guide that explained the timeline and some exhibits. We also saw alot of huge carved stones and it was pretty cool! HIGHLY RECOMMENDED PLACE TO GO IF YOU EVER VISIT ESTONIA. 

(in certain parts of the tunnel I actually felt some very bad vibes though, I was a little scared, but i would still say its a must-go)  

ok the story of this photo above is damn funny. so this random dude was walking past and I kinda told Cheryl out loud to take the photo only after he has walked past. BUT HE SUDDENLY STARTED WALKING TOWARDS ME AND I WAS SCARED FOR A MOMENT LIKE OMG WTF WHAT DOES THIS DUDE WANT. But he just stopped beside me and did a hipster pose. Apparently he overheard me saying it to her LOLOL so i figured and then copied his pose and we took a photo together anyway HAHHAHA RANDOM AF.  

~~

Just gonna end the post with this photo because I like it, and also this is the cute sweater as mentioned, and also we waited more than an hour to try this famous estonian pancake HAHA. It was quite nice but damn gelat after a while. 

Thanks for hosting and it was a lovely weekend!! :) 

[arplis]

Arplis - News: 6 Nebraska Campgrounds That Uncover the Beauty of the Great Plains

For those in the know, the words camping in Nebraska bring to mind some pretty epic images. The experienced campers in this state know where to find waterfalls, caves, and fossil beds. They can choose whether they want to see rolling hills covered in tall pines, or grasslands and high prairie outside their tent door. Perhaps an exciting weekend of tubing, jet skiing, and kite boarding? Or maybe a quiet morning fishing for bass or crappie on a secluded bay.

No matter what the ideal camping activity, odds are they will find it, as well as fewer crowds and more beautiful views at campgrounds in Nebraska.

For many other people, the state of Nebraska is little more than the backdrop of I-80: a place to drive through from one city to the next. But if you get off the highway, slow down, and pitch a tent or park your RV, these campgrounds in Nebraska offer hidden gems for all types of outdoor enthusiasts.

6 Local Experts Share Their Favorite Campgrounds in Nebraska

We turned to the campers who have wandered, hiked, explored, and uncovered the best of Nebraska campgrounds. Here are some of their favorites:

1. Willow Creek State Recreation Area

Photo from Visit Nebraska

In Northeastern Nebraska, near Pierce, Willow Creek State Recreation Area is a great camping opportunity for those who want to get outside without an epic road trip. The campground is shaded and peaceful, bordering the reservoir with lake views in some sites. Visitors can fish or swim, or take advantage of the archery range. Be sure to bring your bike and ride the eight-mile limestone trail that winds around the reservoir. Equestrians are welcome on a ten-mile mowed horse trail.

One of the highlights of this campground is its proximity to the Ashfall Fossil Beds. The fossil beds allow visitors to tour through open excavations showing a very rare tableau of fossils in which the specimens are preserved exactly how they died.

In the Hubbard Rhino Barn, visitors can not only view the fossils, but watch as paleontologists work on unearthing new discoveries.

We found this campground a few years back and have visited multiple times. The lake is huge and great for fishing. There are miles of trails that we enjoyed. The Dyrt CamperPat V.

Camp Here

2. Smith Falls State Park

Photo by The Dyrt Camper Rebecca S.

Whether you go there for the scenic waterfall (tallest one in the state), or because you plan to float the scenic Niobrara River and want to take out next to your tent, Smith Falls provides a unique opportunity for water lovers.

Situated in the North-Central plains, the park is off the beaten path, and gives visitors a more rugged experience than many of the more manicured campgrounds in Nebraska. It is a great place to tent camp, with the main attractions being the waterfall, and the tubing, canoeing or kayaking available on the Niobrara. The nearby 76-mile stretch of this river is nationally designated as a scenic stretch of river which means no motor craft and very little civilization is to be found.

We had a great time playing in the falls and wading close to shore in the river.This area is amazing for stargazing because it is incredibly dark at night but bring a lot of bug spray, the mosquitoes could carry away small pets. The Dyrt CamperRick J.

Camp Here

3. Merritt Reservoir

Photo by The Dyrt Camper Jennifer M.

If you are a water lover who is looking for a little more room to stretch out with your rod or perhaps a jet ski, then Merritt Reservoir is second only to the famed Lake Mac for size and depth in the state. Fish for walleye, white bass or crappie with the great inflow from the Snake River. Launch your boat from any of five different ramps, and tie off at seven different docks.

With five different campgrounds to choose from, most of which have gorgeous, shady lake-view sites, both RVers and tent campers can find exactly what they are looking for. Camp on the sand, and wake up on the beach.

Seasonal hunting opportunities are also available for small game and waterfowl.

We come here every year with a small group of friends and have a wonderful time. Whether we are out on the lake boating, or fishing, or this year trying to kayak, or by the camp fire telling stories, we always have fun. The Dyrt camperShannon G

Camp Here

4. Buffalo Bill Ranch State Recreation Area

Photo by Outdoornebraska.gov

Just minutes from Interstate 80, Buffalo Bill Ranch State Recreation Area is a great place to camp on your way through Nebraska. In fact, the roadside attraction quality is part of the appeal to this place. The recreation area was created from the 4,000-acre ranch owned by its namesake, Buffalo Bill, during his Wild West Show days. Tour the homestead and enjoy five miles of hiking trails to stretch your legs. In the summer, the park also offers horseback trail rides and float trips down the North Platte River. Both tent pads and RV hook-ups are provided.

Another unique value to this place, which brings it to our list today, is that it is one of the best places in the state to view the sand hill crane migration. Famed for their beautiful mating displays and piercing calls, sand hill cranes flock to the wetlands to rest on their thousand mile journey twice a year. Bird watching enthusiasts can use a large bird blind on the property to watch this natural phenomenon up close.

The sites were nicely secluded and the campground was quiet. We didnt plan on doing much exploring in the area, but ended up spending the better part of our day here. The Dyrt Camper,Sara S.

Camp Here

Your State by State Guide to Camping the Oregon Trail

5. Eugene T. Mahoney State Park

Photo by The Dyrt Camper, Megan H.

Located right between Lincoln and Omaha on the Platte River, and just off I-80, Eugene T. Mahoney State Park is just plain fun when it comes to modern campgrounds in Nebraska. Besides beautifully manicured, shady tent sites and full RV hook-ups, the park has get ready for it water slides, a swimming pool, hiking trails, fishing, tubing, a petting zoo, an indoor playground, paddle boat rentals, fishing, rental cabins, arts and crafts, and an observation tower you can climb for a wide open view of the Platte River valley!

This very well-maintained campground is open year-round with sledding and ice skating available as weather permits in the winter. It is the perfect family friendly introduction to camping.

Wow, what a wonderful State Park. This park has so much to offer and is well kept and beautifully landscaped. Make sure to reserve youre spot well in advance because everyone loves this park. We enjoy the sites right by the water where the geese come up into our site. The Dyrt Camper,Shannon G.

Camp Here

6. Chadron State Park

Photo by The Dyrt Camper, Shannon G.

In the tall pines of Nebraska National Forest, campers can find tranquility and a sense of removal from the fast pace of the world. Pull into the State Park with an RV or pitch a tent to take a deep breath of fresh mountain air. This beautiful Nebraska campground has views of rolling hills and the Pine Ridge Buttes.

Families will appreciate the pool, as well as horseback tours, paddle boats, evening programs in the summer, and the playground. Chadron State Park is also adjacent to over 100 miles of mountain biking trails and old roads available in the National Forest. Mountain bikers of all skill levels will find trails at their ability level.

The views from here include cliffs, prairie/grassland, rolling hills, waterways and little lakes, and amazing sunrises & sunsets. Close to historic Ft. Robinson and other national forests and grasslandsThe park itself is a lovely find. The Dyrt CamperDan N.

Camp Here

Related Campgrounds:

Platte River State Park, Cass County, NE

The post 6 Nebraska Campgrounds That Uncover the Beauty of the Great Plains appeared first on The Dyrt Magazine.

Arplis - News source https://arplis.com/blogs/news/6-nebraska-campgrounds-that-uncover-the-beauty-of-the-great-plains

[jennmoslek36]

  SO MANY OF the Dozier related posts on Finding Florida have been about the school itself. I’ve written about the dark history, the structures & our experiences BUT I’ve only really spoken of the victims, in generalities. This was never done on purpose; It was mostly out of respect to the victims, those who survived & those who did not, & of course the families of both groups. It may have also been a way to avoid getting too close & personal; At the end of the day I’m a mom of a 9-year-old & an Auntie to a 5-year-old, both boys. To look at them knowing that boys of the same age were forcibly plucked from their homes & placed into an environment that would change, if not end their lives makes me physically ill. Whatever the reason, it’s time to talk about the MOST important part of this entire endeavor, the reason why I’m willing to continue this uphill battle:

THE BOYS…

    A MOTHER’S FIGHT FOR JUSTICE

IT WAS A late December night when I would get a call that would again change the direction that I was going. I answered & heard “Jenn, It’s Dawn Chase.” I was floored. I had seen her son’s story & had felt compelled to send her an email a couple of months before. The problem was that the open letter that she had posted on the website was written years before. I knew I was taking a chance using the contact info that had been attached to it but what did I really have to lose at that point? Thankfully, she did happen to see my email!

    DURING THAT CALL, I told her about what I was trying to do & what had happened so far. I also told her about how I had gotten her son’s name to begin with. He had been the very last name on a list of about 15 other boys that another former Dozier boy had given to me. This list was different than the others…The Boys on this list had ALL served time at the Arthur G. Dozier School for Boys in the 2000’s & EVERY single one of them could attest to the abuse that was happening at the school. These Boys were “Game Changers!” NOT only would they be able to back up the claims of the Whitehouse Boys that had been there in the 50’s & 60’s BUT they could also offer proof that the abuse NEVER stopped. Marianna didn’t care about changing OR righting the wrongs of the past; They just wanted it ALL to go away, whatever the cost may be. If I had to guess, I’d say it’s a pretty safe bet that there were kids being beaten until the very day that Dozier closed its doors in 2011.

      A LIFE INTERRUPTED

HIS NAME IS Christopher Sholly. He is a son, a brother, an uncle, an aspiring model…And yes, he is also yet another unfortunate victim of the Arthur G. Dozier School for Boys. Chris’s story runs a bit broader though as Dozier would be only one of many stops in Florida’s Juvenile Justice system; ALL would fail him miserably. What started as a couple of tees having a fight at school would result in a 13-year-old boy becoming entangled in Florida’s corrupt Juvenile Justice System for the next 4 years; ONLY ending when he would be herded into the dark abyss of adult prison life. There would be NO trying out for his high school sports team, NO nervous fidgeting while he attempted to ask a girl to homecoming OR prom. He wouldn’t even have the luxury of celebrating the remaining birthdays of his teenage years at home with his family. All of the things that most of us take for granted.

  IT WOULD BE the Fall of 2004 when Chris would 1st come into contact with the Arthur G Dozier School for Boys. Near completion of his program at the Jackson Juvenile Offenders Center (JJOCC), he was looking forward to finally going home & getting on with his life. Claiming that they needed to free up spots for Juveniles that were considered “flight risks”, Chris was sent to Dozier.

      HE WAS ASSURED that his credits from the JJOC program would transfer with him, So he believed that he would complete his remaining time at AGDSB & be released on schedule. By now, we ALL know that Dozier doesn’t offer happy endings. Chris would be NO exception.

        FROM THE MOMENT he stepped foot onto the campus, he was taunted, severely beaten & verbally assaulted. When he wasn’t being personally abused, he had to witness others receive the same treatment. But Chris did his best to stick it out, knowing he was only a matter of weeks from getting his life back. It would be when he started to fear for his life that he would finally say something.

    DURING A PHONE call with his mom, Chris had the courage to tell her what was happening at the school. His mom, doing what most loving moms would do, immediately went to authorities. The Florida Department of Children & Families (DCF) was called in to “investigate.”

And….

      NOT ONE FREAKING thing happened! Now maybe a proper investigation was done & it was decided that this was just another case of a pissed off “juvenile delinquent” throwing around claims of abuse to get back at everyone for locking him up. That’s just got to be the case, right??

      IF THAT THOUGHT crossed your mind, I can assure you that you couldn’t be more wrong! As it turns out, the DCF caseworker assigned to investigate the claims of abuse was conveniently related to a Dozier staff member. But NOT just ANY staff member …It was THE staff member accused of abuse.

        RETALIATION

IT MAKES ME sad to think about what so many children are now privy to at such a young age. It goes way beyond a child finding out that “Santa’s NOT Real” OR discovering that NOT all fairytales will have a happy ending. It’s realizing that the “Boogeyman” not only exists BUT takes the form of a man who is given too much power & has too much evil & hate inside. Being in such a position could be a good thing, if you decide to use that power to impact a child’s life positively. Obviously, most of the Dozier staff made a very different choice OR we’d all be hearing an entirely different story today. Yet, how powerful can you possibly be when your chosen victim is a child?

      THE ANSWER IS quite simple; Beating a 13-year-old unconscious OR breaking his bones does NOT make a king BUT a coward. These real life “Boogeymen” would finally meet their match in the form of a teenaged boy. He may have been scared to death of not getting to go home OR worse, NOT making it out of the system alive, yet he decided to stand up for what was right.

      “BUT I’M NOT AN ADULT”

IN SPITE OF the extreme retaliation that he would face, Chris would continue to report the abuse to his mom during their phone calls. She, in turn, began a crusade to get her son out of Dozier. Dawn spent her days reaching out to ANY official that she thought could help. She wasn’t going to stop until her boy was either transferred to another facility OR was sent home. Chris would eventually be transferred out of Dozier, though it wouldn’t be in a positive way. With approximately 6 years left until Dozier would finally close its doors for good, they weren’t about to allow another blemish to mark their record. The superintendent came up with a plan to keep that from happening; File assault charges on Chris stating that he had assaulted a guard & this time, they would make sure that he wouldn’t step foot inside another juvenile facility…This time he would be charged as an adult.

      EVEN WITH THE evidence & witness testimony supporting Chris’s version of events, the corruption ran too deep…At just 17 years old, Chris became a child inmate sent to serve his sentence in a VERY adult prison. 

  ALTHOUGH I DID my best to tell Chris’s story, I barely scratched the surface of what he’s gone through. Fortunately, he kept a detailed journal documenting what he went through & with the help of his mom, compiled entries, letters & other important info…They then made ALL of the content public. If you’re interested in hearing his account, here is the link:

https://christophersholly.blogspot.com/2007/04/christopher-shollys-diary-abused-in.html?m=1

    I STRONGLY SUGGEST taking a few minutes to read through these entries… Besides, who better to tell this story but Chris himself?

    ♤Please Consider Helping In The Fight For Justice By Signing The 1st Petition: https://www.change.org/p/jenn-moslek-re-investigation-of-the-arthur-g-dozier-school-for-boys

  ☆ IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW SUFFERED ABUSE, PASSED AWAY, WENT MISSING OR WITNESSED ANY WRONGDOINGS WHILE  AT “THE FLORIDA INDUSTRIAL SCHOOL FOR BOYS” AKA “THE ARTHUR G. DOZIER SCHOOL FOR BOYS” OR THE OKEECHOBEE SCHOOL FOR BOYS, PLEASE REACH OUT VIA HERE AT findingflorida.blog OR ANY OF THE CONTACT INFO LISTED BELOW!!☆

  Want More “Finding Florida?” BE SURE TO “SUBSCRIBE”! FOR PRIVATE CONTACT SEND EMAILS TO:  whitehouseboys2018@gmail.com

  FOR ALL DOZIER RELATED INFO:

http://thewhitehouseboysonline.com

AND

http://www.whitehouseboys2007.com

  FOR FULL PHOTO GALLERIES & ADDITIONAL LOCATION INFO FOLLOW ME ON FB AT:  @GRAVEAdventuresFL

    INVESTIGATING DOZIER: Christopher… SO MANY OF the Dozier related posts on Finding Florida have been about the school itself. I've written about the dark history, the structures & our experiences BUT I've only really spoken of the victims, in generalities.

[yourfirsthealthfitness-blog]

Information On Healthy Eating

New Post has been published on http://www.firsthealthfitness.com/healthy-food/how-one-can-help-your-diet-and-quicken-excess-fat-decline-effects.html

Information On Healthy Eating

INFORMATION ON HEALTHY EATING

What i normally confront whenever i speak with other gals about losing weight is the say stress with where they may be weighed against wherever these people were when they were younger. It seems everybody has those memories of inside us our far more toned days to weeks printed on the brain and we are not able to seem to shed individuals extra in physical form flattering illustrations or photos individuals in people pretty creator skinny jeans and variety-fitting tiny dresses. Of course, we all have these needs and plans to lose that weight which includes mercilessly crept. . . no. . . leaped amazingly up on us and damage to eclipse us when we don’t deal with the problem. A lot of women do contain the drive to do something to reduce those unwanted fat, but merely are unable to manage to placed points in concert to view results they really want. . . at the least not for very long and without major fight.

Quite often you can find reliable campaigns to burn fat, but there seems to be some poor nutritionary practices which may have crept in and sabotaged their weight reduction initiatives. Our talk tends to return to a single middle matter. . . their snack food habits. I’d personally request a query about like ingredients they eat and the sorts of replies I obtain reveal that they have been a bit mischievous on the subject of involving their accountable wonders. I am going to then talk with them more details on what they have to can do to increase their nourishment along with their likelihood of successful weight loss. The main one big issue that does getaway them up, and that we will heart all this informative article all over is the reason they can have difficulty creating healthy possibilities in terms of making the great idea every single day. Why is it that they generally tend to continuously getaway on the unhealthy foods bin when going after their weight loss ambitions? Do you find it because they don’t have do-it-yourself-manage? Will they be vulnerable-minded, or without stength?

How Come It’s So Hard For People in america To Consider Wholesome Consuming Practices?

There are lots of motives will be able to visualize, one that comes to mind is that our fast paced routines keep us centered on the rest besides balanced healthy eating plan. It just looks like we have generally became some thing taking in our existence. In the event you little ones in your house like I truly do, then it results in being much more hard to eat correctly. With more folks performing longer hours at your workplace or doing the job some job opportunities, the ability of scores of People in the usa to acquire good quality eating plan will likely be a little more forward compromised in the years into the future. Regrettably, this will likely create a massive problem for many people all.

Another reason why why it’s very challenging for us to adopt healthy eating tactics is usually that throughout the years individuals lives, we’ve put into practice and still have perfected some very poor dietary habits. A lot of us spent my childhood years in households where high fat, large sea salt, and fiber-bad dishes ended up the standard, rather than the exception to this rule. Some households got ways of life that provided substantial relatives gatherings with tons of meal every week. Look at poor choices. For a lot of Us residents, the routines which have been produced and InchencapsulatedIn . in this minds from all of many years of inadequate nutritional choices can appear just about impossible to kick.

In addition, I believe that many people today, when requested will show you which they would die to feed on superior to they now do. For a lot of them, having said that, the major dilemma is assistance and reputation. I know of more and more people, personally involved, would you begin a new eating plan then after a few 2 or 3 weeks, would end up backside at square one questioning what went down to all of the exhilaration and hope. What’s important to grasp whenever a new eating plan commences is the fact there must be an appropriate assistance technique constantly in place, and there needs to be other people readily available for responsibility since we are prone to traveling across the improper way, specifically when we’ve got developed so comfortable to precise style of ingesting that provided acid reflux disorder that we are now wanting to nufactured-highlight in the every day eating plans.

How Could Bad Dietary Practices Destroy Your Overall Health

Using the enormous health and fitness-care conditions that we have now face, current many Americans entering into the older numerous years of their lifestyles, there is a great necessity for us to re also-evaluate our ways of eating and take action how to switch them. We all believe regarding the impression of weak nourishment on our health and wellness, many us often believe we have been for some reason immune to it. How interesting that significantly otherwise I perspective lifestyle now than I did so when I is at my kids. In those days, I experienced I really could take every little thing my small cardiovascular desired because I was little and I didnt really care about balanced feeding on or about my determine. Fast forward to nowadays. . . now, I’m able to notice the effects of poor taking in on my own physique quickly. As I find myself personally going out to restaurants more than ever before because of a chaotic 1 week, my figure now InchspeaksInch with me in ways that told me that my meals are not what it needs to be. I’m pleased for people information because it then gives me to be able to get my taking in back to normal.

What I’ve found while i have endorsed other gals is their lives are often perpetually busy, and in addition they won’t be able to seem to definitely devote by themselves to healthy consuming during this year in their existence. I totally understand them, having said that, I am unable to find a way to protein shake the concept that currently could possibly be all of that we have and we aren’t offers next week. I am aware of so many people how old ive become that are by now dealing with tough medical conditions and disorders because of terrible ways of eating. As a result, we actually must pay back it to yourself to start out embracing wholesome feeding on strategies right now. When we grab the state of mind that we will do it the next day, organic beef wind up operating not enough far too late. This specific not easy to invest in balanced feeding on, I do believe it’s important into a extended and balanced existence to take a few little still progressive steps to raise your healthy eating plan. Lifestyle an enormous amount difference, so when you need to do, you’ll see that it’s not as complicated as you believed it could be, and you will ponder why you did not start off faster. So, what else could you do in order to feel free?

How One Can Help Your Diet and Quicken Excess Fat Decline Effects!

First off, I recommend actually talking to your partner andAndor perhaps a reliable pal about your intend to make some modifications to your nutritional routines. It is really essential that you not excess them with each of your good reputation for frustration with the recent consuming failures, but I do declare that you know them how you’re emotion these days about how precisely you have been feeding on, and give them about your need to take on the project as part of your way of living to assist you come up with a stage towards better well being. Offer them dui attorney las vegas perception a must make these alterations, and say to them the help and support are going to be crucial in your eventual accomplishment. Another primary recommendation here is to ensure that you usually do not thrown pin the consequence on or discuss them by any means. You should very own your very own struggles and be responsible for all your measures. I also imagine it is important that they’re betting that while this will have an impact on them, you wish for taking slower and intensifying direction to their goals, not rapid In .all-or-nothing” method that you have used with almost no success before. This method will convey for them that you’ll require them, and will inspire these to do anything they can do to work with you for your trip. To know, they may furthermore prompted and motivated to do something about it together with you (a pleasant benefit).

So far as attempting to increase your eating routine, the initial place to begin with is to take a look for your latest eating routine. Are you currently feeding on the correct ingredients? What can you nibble on? Does one skip meals? When does one consume any occasion? Other concerns contain whether you are consuming too much meal when you have a seat for food, and no matter whether you’re having plenty of drinking water? Something that assists me would have been to get started an educational process to ensure that I produced me personally knowledgeable about what good nutrition actually. Many Us citizens concept of about good eating plan making all of their efforts to enjoy well and shed weight a no-earn proposition. Do not allow this happen to you. If you are likely to shed the fight, do not let it is because you didn’t be aware of the rules of involvement.

Here are a few recommendations that I think can get valuable when wanting to enhance your eating routine. Primary, make certain that you determine to commence your daily diet make-over, try to combine just one new healthy food choices product into your food consumption at once! Discover that I mentioned Ina singleIn new foods without numerous new food products. Keep in mind, the battle is provided to he who endures to your finish, so you shouldn’t be including the hare. . . moving out to the massive guide and then be bypassed because of the turtle. Because you integrate one new item, then check out your overall diet and pay attention to what you could take from your everyday plan also. So, fundamentally, that you are introducing some thing healthful, and simultaneously, using something not-so-healthy away. Accomplish this for your whole week so that you can let all by yourself to adjust to the modern sensible food merchandise, andOror perhaps the omission with the bad foods. When you experience achievement with all your 1st 7 days, then look to do precisely the same with a further food option that must be altered.

There’s just one qualifier that I want to speak about the following. I don’t think that we have to reduce meals directly from our diets, for those times you make an alternate, ensure that you be aware that it is just for helping you to achieve emphasizing ingredients you’ll want to feed on even more of, and environnant les-centering on those meals that you should eat less of. As you get accomplished at creating these alterations in your weekly diet program, you may get started preparation once a week selections that incorporate all those food items you want, in just a food list of foods that you need permanently well being. Now, you may be more comfortable having those people foodstuff you love to eat in far more reasonable and possible approaches. If you will always have a problem with home-regulate, then you may need to take a far more extreme phase and get rid of those meals or make it possible for it however with additional exacting guidelines (internet explorer, your spouse is alone that can give that foods to you personally, possibly at only particularly specified occasions). It will not be understood as significantly, but by looking into making some small adjustments like this can mean an important reducing of calories inside a couple weeks, which gradually turns into considerable weight reduction for anyone who also challenges to achieve andPeror keep health pounds. Many people also document experience highly extra energetic when bad eating habits modify for any greater. . . which in turn triggers higher work productivity at the office and in your home.

We’re believing that long lasting switch for people, no matter where we’re also, gets underway with one particular tiny and profitable weight loss transform. After that, heaven would be the restriction to how long we will go. All it requires a little effort and much of determination. Try to remember, the competition is offered to the one that continues towards the conclude. I believe which can be you. . . but will you?

By employing what you’ve got read through, I really believe that you’ll set out to see why right now must be the day to start out giving your body what it requires to thrive. . . not only make it through! Hopefully you will have some classy and sensible ways of eliminate inadequate eating inside your life and start suffering from better health and vitality. Finally, you are going to truly know how improved upon nutrition will accelerate weight decline success, boost your energy level, and likely improve your lifestyle.

[iamprish1-blog]

I have always felt defeated in life, lost not knowing my ‘purpose’ or meaning in life, I think this once abandoned space can prove it all. However, since the past weekend, I think a huge part of me has changed, something I can’t put into words has happened in me. 

It was last Friday 23rd of June 2017, when i came home around 12 or 1pm and I saw she posted on instagram that her dad had passed away, i was shocked and found it hard to believe, just a day before that she was thankful for the miracle her dad almost missed death. but that day I was so sad that i cried loool....i cried because i realised a few things, 1: my crush for her was really foolish it was a meaning that is meaningless because there’s nothing i could do to comfort her or anything.. i do not know her, 2: from the text message she shared on instagram i could tell god has taken away a great man/father and its so so so unfair and she really had such a great blessing to have had a father like that! she always said that her family is estranged but she doesnt know its not at all... maybe they didnt always agree with each other but it was still a very beautiful family  3: there’s nothing i could do...and i really wished that i could exchange my life for her dad’s...because at this point in my life i dont have anything thats precious to me and i dont have anything i look forward to...besides my petty dream of buying 1 or 2 audi with cold hard cash...which got me thinking if it were anyone else would i wanna do this obviously nope i wouldnt...and this thought really scared me that why on earth would i have thoughts like this???? then i remember i think i used to say like i would exchange a few years of my life for love LOLOLOL WTF like seriously i just wanna punch myself in the face/body/anywhere i totally regret saying something like that...and im not sure if i would regret saying this...honestly i wouldnt even exchange my life for my parents’ and thats for sure but zac maybe yeaaa

actually last week i deactivated the fb account which i created just to stalk her, but somehow after the news i reactivated it cause i wanna know if she shares any stories on fb...but who knew that the next day she posted for the funeral service...and till today im still curious why she shares her fb posts for everyone to see...she shouldve at least only share the details to her fb friends cause she wouldnt want to message everyone about it...but maybe i should be grateful for that cause obviously i went for all 3 days ! at first i only i wanted to attend on monday...cause its weird for me to even be there like why on earth should i go!! but of course knowing me i have always been sooo sooo sooo so obsess with her... i just went i mean like i dont even know why i went because i wouldnt do something like this at all what more to attend your crush’s father’s funeral?????!!!!!! its so ridiculous i didnt even go to saint’s open house when i was actually invited twice.....and now i attended to someone’s dad funeral when I have NEVER MET THEM OR KNOW THEM AT ALLL?????????? oh yeaa and i actually unfollowed her on insta but then re-followed her again cause i was so afraid she would make her page private and i wouldnt know anything that fear was seriously real lol

it might sound totally ludicrous but i actually felt like there’s some sort of ‘force’ or what that made me go there...i didnt hesitate much not as much as i thought...i was only worried that she might see me and then that would annoy or anger her....however, maybe at first i gave the excuse that i can finally see her...but then it felt more like i just want to be there...i just wanted to be there i dont even know why...the first night i went i was late to appear right at the parlour, so i missed her eulogy, but i was glad cause i could give myself the excuse to come again...the first moment i saw her i felt a sense of relief i think, nothing like anything too much of emotions, but once i was there i just wanted to be there even more....just awhile after i was standing right outside the corner window i saw just waving at first i thought she was like waving at me or what lol cause she was looking at my direction, i couldnt see well cause the windows were tinted and kinda blurry...but then i thought oh she must be waving at someone from the crowd cause she doesnt even know me lol...and then i left early once people starting to queue to pay respect to her dad, i wanted to stay longer but there’re toooo many people soon the sight of her was buried in the crowd...so i left cause i saw her friend and i panicked a bit...the funny thing must be...when i arrived quite early for malaysian timing i stood in between juncture in front....i made myself looked like i was attending the one on the right and kept my head down sticking my eyeballs to my phone...then like around 830 i was like i gotta do something...so i just tried walking towards the right i wanted to see whats behind....thank god i walked till behind and found their room...there’re so many people standing outside but once i heard someone talking i just couldnt care much and stood right infront of the window...then i saw her with her sisters...and of course all the people outside must be think im so weird cause now they know im here for the same person lol i was quite embarrassed for that....but then the next day while waiting at the airport for boboy to arrive....its sooo long i was thinking sooooo much i wondered hmmm why did she only wave to the person at that time wouldnt she see them earlier already??? haizzzzz i was just tooo confused

the second night i went and i was shocked to see when i arrived that there’re no people standing outside...but this time i didnt take the back road...and when she was presenting her eulogy i stood in front of the door only cause theres where i could hear clearer from the outside, i couldnt hear everything she said tho...just she mentioned about now her definition of sadness is different and she almost almost burst out crying and after that i heard something like ‘you know.... someone to walk us down the aisle’....when she finished i asked the worker to help me give the money cause i didnt want to go inside cause i know i shouldnt even be there...but when i walked towards the window where i was standing the previous night...i think i saw her head turning towards where i was going....she must have felt confused like whats happening and of course i think by then she must be wondering who the hell is this person! and so i gave the money with my nickname zenn....cause i thought it would seriously wayyyyy toooo stupid and moronic if i used a fake name like seriously i just couldnt lol... and then when i was standing there i think she was looking at me cause her head was like at my direction but just didnt know if her eyes were on me or what....and then i did something seriously dumb i thought that for her to not see me i could just hide my face behind all the photos hanging there...but then it only laterrrr i realised that from HER PERSPECTIVE she would still see me cause ughhhh like seriously cant believe im SOOOOOO DUMBBBB!!!! ohh and then at one point when her sister walked behind to take something or what she followed behind too....so means i could have see her standing right in front of me but then i turned around cause like of course i was afraid she would like know which now i realise its all soooooo stupid cause i mean like seriously its sooooo bloody obvious i was looking at her the whole time...but then im not sure if she knew who i am.....when people were like paying respect to them i was standing on the other side of the window means i was standing behind them, and then suddenly i think i saw her friend looking at my direction cause i was like the only weirdo standing outside looking inside! but then actually i still cant be too sure cause i was standing quite a distance and i couldnt see well through the blurry window and then i got panicked more and ran away lolol....but i was glad that there’re a lot of people giving them comfort SO MANY HUGS LOL! sometimes i wish i could hug her lolololollll

on monday it was the funeral service in the morning, and i think the timing was right from the beginning cause papa was already planning not to go to site on monday, so i had no reasons not to go....and again i just felt like i gotta be there...and this time i went inside and sat at the last row which then after that i saw the guy i was sitting next to was actually her friend lol cause he hugged her...and then he was with her other friends....and then i was like damnit! damn i miss one thing....her family went to calvary church...i think i heard that since the first night but didnt bother so much....but then on the second night when a pastor was like giving his short speech....i had my head on the ground cause you know standing for so long is back breaking and tiring plus i have working so hard at the site :( but then suddenly a familiar voice had my head raised up....i looked through the blurry window and thought is that the very very very very fussy pastor????? ok so i just googled yep the pastor should be pastor richard that one i know...but im not sure if the one there was the same....however its on monday pastor steven that really made me think was i really meant to just be there? cause again most of the time my head wasnt looking straight up except when her sister was singing and damn her voice is greattttttt i dont think any chinese can sing sooooo well!!!! even betterrrr than jacklyn victor or something lol! too bad she isnt a singer....but then again too bad im not a film star when im so funny i could be the chinese gianna jun lolol HA HA HA HA HA AHA HA AHA AHAHAHA ok pls prisha! right....the pastor his voice was so so so familiar and comforting like i just heard it yesterday not like literally but like just recently, which is weird cause its been yearss since i last attended to calvary and thats before they moved, plus have i even been there more than 50 times??? lol! idk but now i really want to hear his voice again cause its like reassuring...and im not sure if i could remember voices or its just that pastors’ voice is more anointing to the ears.....and also there’s another pastor who share the story her dad made him a charger thing....its really weird cause i never expected to remember pastors faces cause theyre all like old men right all look almost the same....but then i know i will never hear pastor steven’s voice again cause i will not go to such a huge convention center it just doesnt feel like a church thats so commercialised....tho dumc hall kinda big too...but then i now realise i really prefer their voices more than the pastors in dumc lolol i think im weirder than the person who married eiffel tower lel

anyways when i was sitting down i turned behind and saw some of the pictures there, i knew i could easily walked up and take a closer look at all the pictures, but i didnt cause i know i didnt have the rights or deserve to do that, just like how i wish i could have the chance to see her dad but i couldnt, there’s no reason for me to. i wonder if anyone believes that true love can actually transcends space...no doubt i could feel the unconditional love he had in him...i mean i didnt need to listen to all the testimony to know like seriously his face showed it all ! ! ! one thing for sure i definitely felt inspire that i would like to dedicate all my faithful love to someone...i dont know who it will be or what will actually happen in my future....but i know i will wait patiently for the person to show up....it makes me wonder if she actually has TOOOO much love in her that she sorta a player tho HA HA AHAA....ok jokes i shouldnt tease people when their loved one just passed away....but i know even if i have way tooo much in me i would still only give it to one person, there will always be room for only one in my heart....maybe its also why now i just feel like shutting myself out from the world....i dont even feel like talking to shalinn i mean i wanted to at least remain some kind of acquaintance and go to their final studio presentation....but now i really cant....i dont know how to process what im feeling is too weird i need time to forget this i need time for my prayers to come true then only can i open my heart.....meanwhile i will do whatever i was planning to do slowly and hopefully the day i stopped stalking her will come soon.....truth is im kinda frustrated too...i dont get why is it that i felt like there’s some sort of i dont ‘spirit’ or whatever shit pushing me to go there....but god doesnt even bother to tell me WHAT I SHOULD DO NEXT WITH MY LIFE!! i just want the feeling whereby it just flow and its smooth and everything feels right....because i didnt have anxiety at all when i was there, just nervous cause first time going to a place where no stranger would ever go is seriously something lel! and maybe a bit of panic and trying to run away trying to hide which all didnt work didnt make sense lolol...like when after her dad casket were inside to be cremated...her friends were like walking out and coming towards my way, i panicked that i was like damnit now i gotta go for real...but then i was so nervous i missed the entrance just on my left then walked a round and then got shocked confused why the hell i came back to the same place....and seriously at that moment i thought i was gonna faint cause the weather was bloody scorching hot and i had a cap on and i didnt eat breakfast and i was confused like where the hell is the exit??????? but then i ha d the chance to stay longer like to look at her lololol like seriously damn stupid...till the end i finally leave when more people were leaving

. . . . . . . .. . . . .. .. .  .. . . .. . .