#I don't blame him bc the same thing happens with me and my cats

[catlover4536]

@carnivalcarrion Remember when I said I had something for you?

Yeah, me too.

[wosieposiecozy]

Finally got the balls to post this

Candybats rambles and HC and individual stuff. Turning these freaks into OCs fr

🦇🎀 Rambles under the cut bc talk of mental health, also note pink text is for things that are more personal to me/ based off my life. I project onto these freaks a whole lot, especially streber! The pink text range from silly to not so silly 🎀🦇

Enjoy!!!

-kevin is a nerd/freak, no way he's friends with Radford and isn't a nerd, bro def has a fixation on sonic the hedgehog but only owns 06 (he borrows other games from rad)

- streber is not an engineer but a theater prop maker, he enjoys the stage and probably was in a robotics club in college but engineering/ robotics was not something he wanted to go into directly. He dose prop commissions and is a teacher assistant at an elementary school.

-streber is great at math and calculations, but my boy can't read/spell well.

- streber likes to fidget with Kevin's hands

-kevin likes to just flop on top of streber. Streber likes the pressure. Kevin's like a cold weighted blanket, and streber is a heating pad.

- streber struggles with depression, it's been a year since Bob and while he's doing better, he struggles with not feeling anything sometimes, he's nervous on how his response to his trauma isn't like others. He kinda pretends it didn't happen and continues on, and only really thinks about it when he's alone at night. (Based on my own experiences with grieving a lost one)

- streber has mixed feelings about people who survived Bob, he never blamed them but he's just is extremely upset he couldn't get the same treatment from that monster. He stopped going to support groups and just dose 1 on 1 therapy.

- streber lived with his parents for a while after getting out of the hospital (the rats stayed with Leon 💪) , and kinda just wanted to rot in his bed, but eventually went to some sort of support. Mainly because of fears of going to the mental hospital (yes, again,based on irl experiences)

-streber refused to talk to news outlets regarding the incident.

- he fluctuates wanting to get a prosthetic arm to not wanting to.

-kevin is on depression and anxiety meds. (Literally hc he has the same as me, bro take them everyday or else bad shit happens!!! )

- Kevin doesn't talk about work when he's not at work, it makes him pissed, mainly because the most interesting thing is skid & pump, police, teens stealing, or killers/demons

- Kevin hates work and dose experience fear of "god, what I'm if I go into day and I die" but the anxiety of having to get a new job and change his norm over powers his fear of death.

- streber bites Kevin, like just a stress and comfort thing, Kevin is okay with it. Streber kinda bites his arm sometimes

- streber and Kevin rent out apartments, they don't live together.

-streber loves his rat children. We got Socrates🐀, motor oil🐀, and Mr. Girl🐀!!

- Kevin had a love at first sight kinda thing but didn't act on his feelings, mainly because he likes to get to know people first before asking them out and bc work has him in a choke hold.

- Kevin would like a pet cat but.... Work 😔

- they met because of Radford 💪 the real hero of spooky month's 18-30 year olds 🫡.

- streber became pretty good friends with Kevin at first then he fell for him, bro just loves cringe fail men (and women). Kevin was beefing with children, no way your gonna find a better boy failure /silly

- streber disassociates during slasher films. He still loves horror and Halloween as it was his comfort growing up, but Bob left a stain that will forever haunt him.

-streber's favorite horror movies are silent & psychological horror.

- Kevin isn't a huge fan of horror movies but he appreciates "Dave made a maze" & probably "Willard", he's like " Dave just like me fr!!!" (Go watch the movie, it free on Tubi 😎)

- both can't drive, streber takes the bus, Kevin takes his bike.

-I like to think they're both touch starved.

-kevin likes physical affection and wants to give it to streber but kinda forgets how to

-streber is very big on physical affection but isn't use to it

-

- freak 4 freak

-insert Kevin is a fan of young Sheldon here-

🎀🦇 Oki rambles over 🦇🎀

If you liked it, that's kinda epic

[petras-drizzt-corner]

omg Starless Night is WILD

Again, it is the beginning and I'm losing it. It's only page 83 of 265 yall Spoilers below, friends!

The Starless Night playlist is out on Spotify, for your jamming pleasure! Plus, I updated my Artemis/Drizzt playlist!

Okay so first off, let me say that Bruenor is making me SAD. Like, again, Salvatore is amazing at writing grief, and that continues into this book. The way Wulfgar's death is affecting him is so. fracking. depressing. And, As Catti-Brie puts it, "Bruenor's fire, like the one in the hearth, had played itself to its end." Like ok. Wow. I'm sobbing.

And speaking of Catti!! She is and always will be my favorite. Like she's so strong and such a girlboss! Though the part where she beat up Regis for information was like. Girl please chill he is small and will break easily.

Another thing I loved was Cattie-Brie and Alustriel together. Like she's obviously jealous that Alustriel is in love with Drizzt (bc OF COURSE she is same girl same) And I was waiting for them to cat fight over him. It never happened, but I can feel it. SOON WE SHALL HAVE A PETTY WHITE GIRL FIGHT!!

And greaaaaaat, Artemis is FREAKING ALIVE. Look, I love him, but his plot armor is insane. AND HE'S NOT EVEN HOT ANYMORE!!!!!!! But whatever. Reading more of Jarlaxle makes me happy, and I am sated for now.

Also Drizzt I love you but don't do this. It won't end well for you and now you've dragged your girlfriends into it. He's just slowly acquiring a harem- Catti, Alustriel, Jarlaxle probably, Artemis... the list goes on. Or maybe I just have an impulse to ship him with everyone. Either way, he's quite shippable so you can't blame me.

Ok and the most serious part of this. Catti-Brie being FIVE INCHES taller than Drizzt. That. right there. is hilarious.

Well, that's all for me. How pumped are you for Catti-Brie and Alustriel to throw hands, and who are your bets on? -Petra !

[localthumbcache]

Your askbox hates to see me coming, well TOO DAMN BAD, I demand INFORMATION! Please.🥺

I'm gonna sound greedy as fuck, but god, I love your little gang of misfits so much, so 1 for your iconic Ghost/Gnome Hunting Crew! 34 for Phi and 52 for Max! The way I could send the whole damn list for Max...

'Scuse me!!! My ask box *loves to see you coming!!!!!! Also pls i will literally post the whole list for u (after others get a chance tho)

[1] What first impression do they typically make? Are they likeable from the get go, or take time to grow on people?

Phi - She's laid-back with spirited energy, which makes her captivating and fun to be around. She immediately made a lot of friends when she moved to Ravenwood, so ye she's generally likeable :) It can take some time for her to open up about real tough shit, tho (cursed her w the "depressed and traumatized class clown with a hard home life" archetype :[ )

Liv - She has charming, flirtatious, and slightly mysterious energy. She's delightful to be around, and there's something about her that makes people spill their guts even when they haven't known her for long. She's just very comforting and non-judgemental :) her personality and pretty face will make you believe in love again

Nyon - Intimidating! Gives off the vibe that he hates you for talking to him, when really he's just scared (almost like a feral cat lolol). Many people have mistaken his anxiety for snobbishness (writing from personal experience...)

Max (saved him last for you >:))(i typed a lot whoops) - He definitely leaves an... impression. Some people accept him, others are humored by him, some dislike him bc there's something "off" abt him, but most feel a mix of these things. His energy is like saying bye to someone but you both end up going the same way. Despite his awkwardness tho, he adopted Guidrys confident way of speaking, so he'll casually tell you about the 5 demonic entities that live inside his body (for science) like that's a normal Saturday afternoon activity. He doesn't realize that he's overshared until afterward. He doesn't usually mask (which hes bad at) but he does so in large group settings/gatherings. None of his stupid jokes land, yet he's unintentionally funny.

[52] Do they speak any other languages aside from their own?

Max is very fluent in Selvadoradian/aka Spanish!

[34] Do they have vices they don't want others to know about? (Tw sh)

Phi and her razor blades :( Her mental health is complex, one im still trying to get down (so excuse me while I try to figure it out...)

The death of her parents and the mother plant incident fucked her. She cuts to feel something, anything but grief, and to control something that plagued her life. She does it to spite death. She isnt suicidal because grim hasn't earned her yet, but if she were to die, she'd want it to happen on her own terms. Her thrill-seeking ways are a way for her to turn off her mind, but also a way to taunt grim. She wants to live her life to the fullest purely out of spite and for her lost loved ones, but sometimes she doesn't have the energy to move.

She's angry. But she also blames herself.

She's the only Specter who doesn't like grim, yet he's the only thing that truly makes her feel alive. She isn't actively suicidal (definitely passively), but she continuously seeks him out just to say "fuck you. I'm still alive, bitch."

Liv is so scared that she'll find her dead one day.

foreshadowing?

[zyafics]

im gonna rant and speak my mind away because you have me running in circles 😭😫

you have to be tired of me repeating the same thing but omg im SO CONFUSED, if she got the grad housing she HAD to have a baby 😭 like grant as far as i remember already graduated (or did i make that up?) like yeah they could've moved in together cause they are family BUT it doesn't make sense since grad housing if for MARRIED couples and people with KIDS and john b said in his text it took college too long… she said WE and yes she can have a cat since she wanted one but that is not a reason for her to get a grad housing because that's not how it works!!!

again the sonogram/ultrasound being empty still i don't know… some doctors are shit so that could be one the doctor did a malpractice (see how crazy im going?) but its clear mentioned she was having a GIRL and when Rafe walked in he was literally SHOCKED a cat doesn't show you like that a cat doesn't make you go SILENT and then she says "this is emmy" LITERALLY THE NAME they chose for a girl. I don't know how all this is gonna turn out but i feel insane saying the miscarriage was not really a miscarriage but for a time it looked like that, because the emotional turmoil she was going through it was not for nothing.

i think and believe for a period of time since it happened she was actually sure she had a miscarriage but weeks went by and then she never got her period back and was confused bc again she was feeling like she was sick or something and went to cleo to rant her mind about it that it was a sick joke from the universe to be feeling just like when she found out she was pregnant and that on top of it her period was not coming so she felt bloated and annoyed (blaming it all on her period never coming) cleo being the reasonable human she is told her to go to the doctor, so they go and she tells the doctor what's happening and the doctor is like that's not normal so sends her to do some blood tests just to make sure everything is working and then when the Dr. get the results back he's as shocked as anyone if not more bc how the hell do you tell your patient who you received bc she was having a miscarriage that oh never mind she actually never had it?

all this happening while she had asked college to let her have online classes so one she didn't have to see rafe and two to let her heal from the trauma the "miscarriage" caused and ofc college agreed bc well people are not shit. when she finds out she never lost the baby she kinda loses it and moves back with her parents so they can help out, during summer and all she has the baby and all that stuff, emailing the school to explain the whole thing that had happened which had them confused and that's why they took to long to give her a grad housing so in the meantime she had been living with grant and that's why he was mainly helping them move in bc all their stuff was in his house 🙂‍↕️ and after finding out she never stopped being pregnant she decided to go to therapy to finally speak to someone (emmy being her motivation) bc she wants to be in a better state of mind and in general for when she's born. ofc rafe never knew any of this so circling back (just like you have me) when he gets into her apartment he's stuttering trying to process what he's seeing to add onto my craziness he has either his eye color and she's just staring at him and giggles (bc babies do that) and he breaks down and reader's regrets in that moment not telling him but it was necessary all that time a part they had to make things better and then they have a serious talk about all it and what they will do moving forward and the second chance part of the story begins

i don't want to get into what happens after but im sure ward will make another appearance but this time he's gonna be SHUT DOWN bc he deserves that, insert me in the story like "and Adriana beat his ass" im just joking or am i? 😏

anyways yeah that's all as if i just didn't write a full essay also im holding your words "trust the process" so yes im tweaking but im TRYING my best to be patient and chill but you can see i can't

hehehe

[chaifootsteps]

Hello! I'm new, just call me Lazuli. I'd like thank you and everyone else who helped me open my eyes to and that the show and Hazbin Hotel was going off the rails to the point of crashing and burning which was a shame because it HAD potential. I had high hopes for them to be successful and not a wannabe Family Guy clone and might have something special and depth. But boy did that age like milk as of recently and how HB season two turned out. Nowadays, it is now become first draft writing and the fact Vivzie refuses to have continuity and consistency as well as that her designs are now tasteless and are basically the same, not to mention barely nothing happens and that she doesn't do her damn research. Also Stolas is the worst bc Vivzie is too much of a scaredy cat to make Stolas face the consequences of his actions and that he is an uwu soft boy who needs Blitz' "rabu rabu" to save him, gtfo of here with that, Viv.

Speaking of Vivzie, she was one of the people who I once looked up to, I kind of thought her arstyle was neat and something I can put into my characters. But when Viv exposed herself as a rich girl, my admiration just and it hurts. A lot. Because I thought of her as someone who had to go through many hardships to make her series known but now that's taken away due to the fact she can get anything she wants because of her generational wealth and that she is an awful person who abuses her employees (which at first, I ignore them since they were just people slandering Viv for attention but when I looked at it the second time, I knew something was wrong and that Viv is not the person she makes herself out to be and that she is awful and I blamed myself for my ignorance.) It just pains me. Especially as someone myself who is writing my own series and wants to make it an indie animation reality or a webcomic focusing on dragons, demons, angels, etc.

Sorry for the long rant, I just need to get this off my chest, hope you didn't mind. ^^;

Nah, I don't mind at all. I've gotten so many stories like this in my inbox and seen it in so many other places and it never gets less heartbreaking. The plunging quality of Vivzie's shows, that's one thing, but learning just how awful of a person Vivzie is, and how much worse she keeps proving herself to be...that's hard to be okay with.

It sucks, but at least we've got one hell of a train wreck to watch, and maybe more than that, we've all got each other.

[corvidbunny]

hiiiii 18 43 50 :]

18. Any OC crackships?

Yes, wyn x zeke is very much a theoretical that i play with because it's funny. I actually. Don't think about my ocs is relationships super hard honestly sometimes I'm just kind of like "you two are paired, let's see if i get there w writing that. idgaf" in my stories. It's not like I don't like decide who likes who or can't conceptualize characters wanting romantic relationships i just don't really think about it like. 90% of the time. Sometimes it does come to me in a vision like I'm gonna have a weird love triangle in one of my plots bc i randomly decided "hm these two are childhood friends, and then this weird guy appear and throws a wrench into this one sided crush situation" LOL

43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess

Yes. It is so so so obvious if you know more of my guys. I heavily lean towards making shy socially awkward characters, characters with short tempers who explode at anything, and villians who very much hammer in "hey I'm the guy you're supposed to hate"

50. Give me the good ol’ OC talk here. Talk about anything you want

Hm well i don't have anything specific i want to talk abt. Buuut, i will give you treat and talk about m*nsterwyn and what i personally think their story reflects on. Wyn's plot is kind of messy but imo it's very much about how parents can hurt yiu, on purpose (mostly this one) and on accident and how that affects how you interact with the world and yourself. Their dad has molded them a certain way, and then proceeded to punish them for it, which probably happens a lot to people who has traits reinforced into them and their parents just didn't notice or care that this would be a problem until it inconveniences them.

Wyn's also in the weird spot where it's like, they're so conditioned not to trust people. But it also just makes them so lonely and sad, and they don't know how to deal with it so they bottle it up until they explode. So it makes them awkward and bad at it when they do want to talk to people, so they avoid it and then it'll happen again, etc, etc. If they weren't so explosively dangerous i imagine this would be hell by itself. If you are bad at socialization some people become demons from hell, being condescending, the hushed gossip they'd hear every word of.

The animal traits being there also reflect wyn's desire to be as loyal as possible, they want to be a loyal dog, so so so badly. But no matter what they do or how hard they try they can't please him. They just get so further warped they don't make sense anymore. They wag their tail like a dog and lash their tail angrily like a cat, giving them slight issues communicating thrir emotion there. Intentionally making rage the same as happiness, making them revel in going on destructive tirades. Because all they were meant to do was destroy all they were to him was a monstrous parasite he was taking advantage of.

Apparently I also made thrm very autistic coded which i think helps in the wsy i see their plot. Bc people force you to be certain wsys. You need to do this, act like that, feel like this, you're doing it wrong, everything about is wrong snd needs to be fixed smd punished until you stop being silly snd just be normal and do what you're supposed to.

They will create a monster, and wonder how it got there in the first place. They forget that they made every bit of you, and put the blame on you. They create a monster and get surprised when it does monstrous things. They never tried to prevent it, never changed their ways. They gouge into you with an axe so deeply that would would have to be blind to not see it, and yet they won't. They get to forget and brush it off, but you will always remember, that was your whole life, why would you forget getting scarred over and over.

And they still love him, because they still can't believe that he wouldn't love them and want what's best. Sharp teeth and fangs ready to defend only to soften and get broken and sharpened in new ways because he wants something new now.

And what are you supposed to do, without then you're nothing. You don't have a purpose, because you are a monster. You're unlovable and will stay outcasted forever. So don't bother even trying to be normal. Except you will still be forced to try to be normal

Um. Well this isn't horny enoug. Um. Uh. My oc wires hasn't been tickled before, you coooould be the first !

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Tuesday, February 20th, 2024! Part 2 (Positive)

6:24pm: 2sday, 02/20/2024 pt 2 lots of 2s

Anyway lol came home, blew the biggest final boss wad out of my nose, took a dump and let me tell you I'm smelling colors now 😂 I've never been so happy to smell my shit. I was really fucking scared that I had covid on some permanent sensory deprivation shit and I was on the verge of losing my mind. This morning I have never blown so much ODDLY colored snot out of my nose all at once before, it was like the weirdest fucking orange color but it's like I want to think it was from the cough drops but I really don't think it was because there was SO MUCH and it permeated all of the snot I just don't know. It was all so thick no wonder I've just been fucking miserable 😅 but I'm the biggest trooper I know I did the most this weekend and I'm SO GLAD I didn't let that mf stop me.

So glad I got my sense of smell and taste back I could actually taste the last Valentine's Day macaron I had left 😂 it must have been a sinus infection, that's so insane. Being sick is horrible I wouldn't wish it on anyone 👀

I have so many things to be grateful for. I am grateful that I don't have to live my life angry and upset forever like some people. I am grateful that I forgive people and have an amazing heart. I love life and I'm just going to keep doing the best I can with what I've got. ❤️ I love my cats every day I'm just going to love them with all my heart, don't be scared something will happen to them (anxiety) just love them everyday and you'll never have any regrets. I even forgive him for everything, calling me a shitty person, threatening my brother, all because he's just mentally ill. I have a feeling he'll be back, I just don't think that was the end. But that's not something I'll concern myself with for now. Just try to be at peace with what's going on right now.

7:52pm: I've literally just been scrolling on my phone enjoying doing nothing to the sound of my clear nasal passages and just enjoying breathing. Got my heated blanket out, just reading reddit stories about trash men and I am so glad I can't relate anymore!! It's not even so visceral anymore, I don't get like physically angry the way I used to reading these anymore. I feel very healed, it takes a lot to trigger me anymore. I think that's my way of knowing that I just will never fall for some crazy shit ever again 😂 I'm not even upset anymore. All that random ranting this morning and now it's like, poof! Goodbye. I knew I've been done in the back of my head, I was just enjoying the attention :) it felt good! You can't blame me for wanting to feel good, it's part of human nature! And it's not like I ever felt true respect for their relationship, it was truly a farce, an act, and I just didn't gaf. Oh how the turn tables, huh? I got mine as far as I'm concerned and I'm well convinced that is a really fucked up man. It's unfortunate, but it's not like I never tried to help him 1000x. I still am shocked how unempathetic I felt towards her even when bad things happen to her, I just don't feel bad for her and I never will, she's a really trashy, vain, disgusting person who does not deserve empathy or sympathy as far as I'm concerned. Lmao I feel like he would really get pissed off whenever I said they were perfect for each other, I think bc he knows exactly what I meant by it. What a joke.

10:39pm: it's ok to wake up from the nap and realize he's really gone :) you'll sleep and wake up again and sleep and wake up and good things will happen :) it's ok to feel the twang. This is a perfect example of how I would never do this to someone I've known for years but it's nothing for him to do it to me. We are not the same and that's good news for me :) I will survive and thrive because I'm actually a good person with a heart. At least I own my mistakes. He's too chicken shit to accept my apology like a fucking adult, he just had to run away again, no explanation. He never learns, never changes, acts like this is something I've done before?? Really thinks this something I'd do on purpose. Idc I know who I am, you would think he would know but he seems too self absorbed once again. How could he not realize how his words affect people, he's cruel. I'm not cruel, you hurt me and I told you I was having PTSD like feelings about you coming here and you always have acted like you're the only mf in the whole goddamn world with mental health issues, I've tiptoed around yours for years and you continued to dismiss mine repeatedly. Yeah I don't trust you mf and it's sad af how hard I tried to, but sad for you, not me.

12:16am: Coward is so the best word to describe him still, he acted cowardly by not even knocking on the door when he came the first night, so weird. Coward by blocking me when so many other exes would've burned his shit. Makes no sense, but nothing he ever did made sense ever. He treats his gf like shit by telling me wack ass things. He's such a bad person lol. I'm not gonna chase after him anymore I already resurrected this friendship back from the email grave once, I guess somehow that meant I was on thin ice with him?? Idc I'm not chasing him anymore. The comfort I find within knowing I would never act like him is all the comfort I need.

[the-flowerwolf]

Hogwarts legacy headcanons

While normal people go and socialize I wake up and think about ✨them✨

So there's some headcanons about my favourite Legacy Team (as I call them) for ya folks while I'm writing a really big fic about them. Careful, some of them are sad. And don't mind my poor grammar thanks.

Btw, collages are mine, feel free to use them💙

🐍Sebastian Sallow🐍

First off all, if you turn him in, I don't trust you

Literally a typical Slytherin

A nerd. Just a nerd.

Quidditch? Babe, the only sport for him is dueling

Felt absolutely helpless when his parents died. And that's why he's so protective. He just can't let anyone else die on his watch

Really is a small version of his father and proud of it

Believes that the end justifies the means

Hopeless flirt BUT a gentleman. Wouldn't do anything you don't like

And also most probably believes in true love

A proud bisexual

Everyone think that "he fucks everything that moves" but he's a virgin who "saves himself for the one and only"

As some fan said, he was probably born on 18th September. And it's a canon now.

A great friend but a terrible secret keeper, so for Merlin's sake, don't tell him ANYTHING

Knows how to braid hair into the most complex ways

Pro feminist! Treats women right and knows all important stuff thanks to his sis

🔥Natty Onai🔥

I'm sorry but she's so underrated and for what??

I believe she really respect traditions she were tought as a child

Her favourite holiday must be her birthday. All because it was the only day of the year when her parents forgot about all the dangers and sorrows and they just got together, spending the best time

Most probably will return to the homeland after Hogwarts

Is the only member of the team who play quidditch

(as a keeper ofc)

She's a lesbian idk dudes

A very honest girl who were raised to be a good person

So she just expects the same from others

A very competitive. But not like Imelda. Natty respects fair competition and knows how to honorably recognize a match

Although this does not mean that she will not destroy you to win

Is always cold poor thing

Religious bc I feel like it

Has mommy issues and don't tell me I'm wrong

Will definitely become the best auror one day

🌼Poppy Sweeting🌼

Her favourite holiday is Christmas lemme tell you that

Trust issues

She's trying her best to be gentle with every living being because she saw too much violence already

And that's why she thinks animals are better than people (agree)

She's definitely an INFP and I won't change my mind

Looks like a cinnamon roll but will kill you

A cliché but I feel like she's an excellent cook

Although she would LOVE to find someone to understand her (like us) she's totally okay with being on her own

Is into mind games like chess

But will go to see a quidditch game just to support Natty (and mc if they play)

Is always up to an adventure

Bullies? Girl grew up among killers, you really think she would care about some bullies?

I feel like she has the strongest personality in here. Doesn't matter what happens she will always stand straight while helping others

Is a cat person

Can't cry bc she was not allowed as a child

💚Ominis Gaunt💚

Just an innocent little boy let's be honest

He may look like he can kill you but he's just a cinnamon roll

Jokes about his blindness as a defence mechanism

Had a crush on both Sallow siblings at some point and I can't blame him

Saw a theory on tiktok that his patronus would be albino snake. CANON

Just wants to have a simple quiet life without any drama

Protective of his friends BUT is more protective of his boundaries

Don't mind his blindness he knows EXACTLY how to be a fashion icon

Another cliché: Omi can play piano

And it's the only thing his parents tought him that he loves. Playing helps him to calm down

Is very private, but as soon as he starts to trust you, he will immediately blurt out his life story, dreams, fears etc

Though he can't see an actual game, Omi likes to go on a quidditch game, because of the happy energy around him

Is sick most of the time for some reason. Cold, stomach ache or anything really

Also a nerd. But unlike Sebastian he's a fiction lover. Helps him to escape reality, especially in his family's house

Clingy with everyone he loves bc they make him feel safe

[urf1lterr]

lovesick | pedro pascal [4]

"and on this night and in this light i think im falling, im falling for you."

previous chapter: [3] series masterlist

summary: in which a 1975-obsessed film student accidentally falls in love with an older man she can't have.

pairing: actor!pedro x intern!reader

genre: acting world!au, big age-gap!, strangers to friends- maybe lovers?? au | angst, mature, awkward, love- eventually

word count: 10.6k

status: in progress

author's note: so sorry for the long wait! but i tried making this chapter longggg. i typically have my days off altogether and the rest of the week booked with work/school. i try to post many chapters within my short timeframe (bc im booked af) so pls expect another update soon after this one! sadly, it takes me around 8-10 hours to write one bc its hard to think lol. also, i don't want this to be too long of a series and kinda wanna connect the dots- slowly but surely, ya know? not edited.

"So, he just came knocking on your door at 6am?" Joon questioned, taking a sip of his smoothie soon afterwards. "I can't even wake up that early."

"We had to do that everyday for our last job."

"I woke up ten minutes before I had to be out the door," he shrugged. "Men get ready fast."

"Anyway," you eyed him as he cluelessly did the same, confused as to why you wouldn't look away. "I don't remember him coming."

"Yeah, because you fucking freaked out and hallucinated over Lady Gaga," Jules exclaimed, you automatically cringing just at the horrible memories you've recently faced with that damn cat.

Once she explained what had happened hours after you had woken up, you were disturbingly shocked.

And the fact that your sleepiness was to blame had you going insane- imagine all the other odd things you may had committed while under the covers.

But you will admit you did remember some of that night's events clearly, again like you practically making out with Lady Gaga- although she was the one who licked your face endlessly first.

Mortified just by the thoughts, you will never be able to face Pedro again sanely.

How could you when you recently dreamed about a man 25 years older being intimate with you- that's...confusing. And the worst part of it all was you couldn't say anything to anyone with the fear of being judged or laughed at- maybe both.

The thing was you couldn't quite understand why you had to dream about that. Maybe your time of the month was coming and your hormones targeted the first guy you had nonstop contact with?

No, that would've been Joon.

Attraction may had played a part but Joon definitely had that, Pedro as well but a little different...age-wise at least. There's no way you felt allured for men with bad jokes and rough skin- no offense. Right?

He did text you that same morning he dropped by and commented on how creepy you are half asleep and whether or not you agreed to his 'business' proposal. Not trying to start a conversation you knew you couldn't finish, out of second-hand shame, you just replied a simple:

LOL but busy with school atm to make a final decision- tell ya later

That later still hasn't arrived.

Unfortunately, you forgot to ask him why he made a random visit that morning- but you weren't going to ask him days later. In your mind, you need to avoid him. There's no way you'd be able to act normal after have unholy fascinations about him.

Not that it'll be a problem, you two hadn't seen each other for weeks before your cafe encounter, you're sure you can do it again without him noticing your distance.

It's been about two days since then which meant you didn't have to prioritize so much of your time on homework, you'll just save that for Sunday when it's all due.

"Did you bother to ask him why?" Jules added, turning to you. "He obviously wasn't coming to see me- I barely know the guy."

"You do know him!" you argue as she rolls her eyes. "You literally got mad at me for not recognizing him the first time we met."

"He's a celebrity- everybody knows him," she defends before tilting her head in curiosity. "But you two are oddly close, it's kind of weird."

"No," you shake your head, trying to laugh off her suspicions. "We are casual friends who fan girl over the same things."

People did take notice how close Pedro and you were but it wasn't anybody's fault you two had so much in common. Both of you loved Starbucks, going on hikes- when you weren't lazy, and believe Matt Healy is extremely attractive.

If they have a problem with that they can sue you.

"I see it," Joon adds, jumping up a bit. "Him and I barely talk and we're men- we should be bonding easily!"

"You're...you," Jules cringes, making Joon glare in return. "I can understand why he chooses not to be close to you."

Laughing, you watch as Joon quickly flips her the finger before he continues on with the conversation. "I just feel like he always comes around only to see you, it was pretty obvious since the first time he took us home."

Furrowing your eyebrows, you didn't understand what he meant by that. Pedro offered all three of you a ride home, not just you.

Already feeling done with this topic, you wanted to switch it before things started escalating and freaky theories started unfolding. They had every right to question your friendship, but you were starting to think they might be leading down a road where they may soon develop other impressions as to what your friendship might have been.

Why are you even thinking that? That's so inappropriate to imagine.

"You two are silly, he probably needed my advice on something or wanted to workout," you suggest, their faces showing they weren't fully convinced. "But anywho, did you call Yoongi yet?"

"I don't think that's a great idea," Joon declared, adjusting in your warm sofa. "He's not really a skating kind of guy."

Since it was Friday and you had no plans, you thought it would be a fun idea to be adventurous for once and do something you would never do on a regular basis.

Ice Skate.

Your friends were extremely down with the idea, but you needed a fourth person to make the group complete. Why not a skinny, impatient blonde man who would probably spend the whole night complaining about why this plan was awful?

Right now you could use some other grumpiness in your life.

"Just tell him to go," you beam back, clapping your hands in excitement as you'll soon be able to fall countless of times on the ice. "I'll buy him hot cocoa."

"You better do it or he'll never let that go," Joon states.

After hours of sitting around and blasting random music through your speakers, the three of you were ready to set off on your journey of locating the ice rink.

If it wasn't for Joon's constant whining to stop walking to take pictures of the scenery you probably would've arrived 15 minutes sooner than your actual arrival, but too bad your friend is a nature freak.

"You taking pictures of the pigeons better not be the reason why you're late," you heard Yoongi grumble as the three of you finally found him sitting on a bench near the entrance of the rink, staring directly at Joon who just scoffed.

"I'm sorry if my happiness bothers you," Joon snapped back as Yoongi just stood up from his seat and made his way to your trio.

Grabbing your ice skates wasn't too difficult as the long line seemed to flow by smoothly, but standing on them was a different story.

"I can't do this," you squeal as your hurriedly motion your arms around to find some balance. "I'm falling!"

Yoongi sent you a questionable look as he watched your poor attempts to stay still embarrassing. "We're not even on the ice yet."

Feeling a hand grab a hold on your shoulders and practically drag your feet towards the ice, you glance up to see Jules steadily directing you to face your fears.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

"Are you going to push her in?!" you hear Joon gasp a few feet behind you but you couldn't turn your head as you rather focused your attention on yanking yourself off of Jules.

"It was her idea so she'll be the one going in first."

"Ahh!" you screech, putting all your pressure on your feet to stop her hard pull. Spiraling your ankles in the most crucial ways, you start to lightly slap her arms off you as she continues to fight them off.

One thing about her was she's going to make sure to remind you that this was your idea.

Feeling an arm gently tug you off her grip, you landed on Yoongi's side as Jules whined in return, offended that he ruined her vicious plan. Respectfully, he kept you stable with an arm wrapped behind your middle back as you gripped his other one, fearful she might snatch you away again.

"Why would you do that?!"

"I don't think watching her fall face first on the hard ice would be a fun sight to see," he bluntly returned as Jules huffed. "The sight of blood gives me the ick."

"I was waiting for that moment all afternoon," Jules sighed, disappointed that she wouldn't be seeing you fall- yet.

Waiting for her to walk away to go on the ice, you see Joon follow her before you released your friend, relieved that she wouldn't be partaking in her scandalous scheme just yet.

"You do know how to skate, right?" Yoongi asked, his uncertain eyes on yours as you crazily wave your arms in front of him to rub off his questionable thoughts.

"Do I? Of course I do!" you argue, making your way towards the ice until you were two feet away from it. Putting your feet on the edge, you hesitate as you could feel the cold breeze wrap around you legs. "I'm gonna go now."

"Yippy," he states, waiting at your poor attempts to convince him.

Giving him a thumbs up, you clap your hands together to try to reassure yourself that you could do this, forgetting that he was right behind you secretly laughing.

Taking one final breath, you placed your right foot on top of the ice steadily, trying your best not to make any harsh movements, until you felt a hard jerk on your upper body, making you lose yourself in an instant.

"God, if you don't know how to skate why would you suggest it?" Yoongi grumbled, gliding both your bodies along the ice as he held tightly onto your arms. You were practically skating like a wet dog in front of him, begging with your eyes for him not to abandon you.

"I always wanted to try."

Sending you an annoyed look, you zipped your mouth as his arms were now securing you, closing any gaps there may have been and giving you the ride of your life.

Shutting your eyes harshly, you didn't dare to witness the environment around as you felt the icy wind slap your face the faster you two- or at least by Yoongi's swaying, got.

There were times where he did pretend to lose his balance, causing you to cry in horror and him immediately placing his hand over your mouth by how loud you weaped.

But other than that, you came to enjoy his help as your two other friends rudely abandoned you guys in order to practice their poor attempts of leaping across the rink.

"Okay," Yoongi started, releasing his left hand from your side and keeping you close with only his other. "Now you try on your own."

Fear creeping up in your face, you rapidly shake your head in disagreement and try catching his recent abandoned arm, which he denied. "I can't."

"Can't or won't?" he countered back making you silent.

He did have a point.

"C'mon, it's not that hard. If Joon could do it, you can."

"He's literally on the ground right now," you whine as Yoongi quickly averts his eyes in search of your tall friend, soon finding Joon clutching his knee in pain as Jules records on her phone.

"No."

Sighing, he continues to look around, trying to plan out an idea that would at least convince you to slide a few feet alone without his help until he smirked and met your eyes.

"What would Matt Healy do?"

Widening your eyes, you were taken back by his question.

Only Pedro used that line on you.

And for some reason it felt odd when Yoongi did the same. You shouldn't be bothered by his choice of words...but you were a little.

He wasn't him to be saying it.

"He wouldn't force me to do something I didn't want to do," you reply back, causing him to groan.

"I feel like you just want to be in my arms," he retorted with a grin, immediately making you revolt and fly out of his arms, your bottom hitting the ice hard. "Well that's one way to make you skate."

Feeling immediate pain on the back of your thighs, you just knew you were going to be bruised and swollen the next day. But hey, this technically counts for your workout for the week.

Awkwardly swaying your body around, you couldn't get up off the damn ice. You were sure you looked like a fish out of water by how crazy you were moving.

"Get on your knees," Yoongi commented, causing you to send him a death glare as he lifted his hands up in defense. "It helps you stand."

Or he could just grab your arms and help you himself.

Cautiously following his suggestion, you slowly pull your right leg up and place it firmly on the ice before slowly trying to do so with your left one. As you began to feel satisfied with the weight being supported, you felt your body finally working and lifting up off the ground before he poked your shoulder- making you fall again.

"I'm going to murder you!" you threaten as you stare at him on your back, whole body restlessly laying on the ground in misery as he cackles loudly.

He may have advantage on the ice, but oh man- once you regain your balance off it you were going to end that slender man's life.

"Isn't this just a sight to see," you heard someone exclaim before hands grab your arms and soon lift you back on your feet.

Moving your eyes to the ones in front of you, you burst out in smiles. "Bella! Nico!"

"I take this as my queue to leave,'" you hear Yoongi mumbles but you swiftly grab his arm from his close proximity and halt his plans.

He was not going to desert you now.

"What are you girls doing here?"

Not seeing them for a few weeks didn't make things awkward, but different. It was like catching up with old friends, even though you barely met them less than three months ago.

"Had nothing to do tonight so why not ice skate?" Nico giggled.

Bella examined you up and down before pointing at your head. "My god, your hair grew so long. Has it really been that long?"

Rolling your eyes, you were about to answer her before Yoongi cut in. "No, it's her fake extenstions."

Gasping, you turn your body to him and smack his shoulder as he smacks you back. One thing about him, he's all about equality. You touch him, he touches you- simple.

You don't see the way Nico and Bella exchange smirks to one another before Nico slides in front of you and pulls out her phone. "We should take a selfie! You know, for memories."

Laughing, you agree. You took some pictures with them but never really out of the work environment.

Uncomfortably standing still, Yoongi hastily moves to the side a bit, not wanting to intrude this moment you were having with your friends. He was a pretty sociable person, but only if they had things in common and he fairly knew them.

Yoongi didn't know these two young girls and he sure as hell didn't want to be the one being kicked out of this picture- so why not kick himself out first?

"Where are you going, we need your long arm to get us all in the frame!" Bella exclaimed, motioning Yoongi to move back as he sent her a flustered glance.

"I can just take it with the three of you."

"Nonsense!" Nico argued back, shaking her head as you giggled. "We don't leave people out."

Biting his bottom lip a bit, he scratches the back of his neck swiftly before increasing the speed of his skates to the girl, accepting her phone. "I suppose."

Fixing your posture, you stand behind your friend as he carefully raises his right arm up in the air, positioning the phone that was able to capture all four of you in the frame.

Pulling out the gummiest smile, you bursted out a gigantic grin after seeing the rare radiant expression Yoongi was giving. He was never one to show much emotion so finding him giving in for a picture amused you.

Taking the phone out of his hands, Bella examined the screen before chuckling. "Wow, you've got one adorable smile."

You could've sworn you saw Yoongi blush as he lowered his head while shaking off her compliment, trying to act natural but he wasn't fooling anyone.

He was shy.

Gasping at the sight in front of her, Nico pointed at the concession cart near one of the exits of the ice. "They have hot cocoa! We must get some."

Faking a groan, Bella allowed her friend to drag her away but not before sending you a pout to follow, which you were happy to do. You were freezing to death without even realizing it until you stopped your attempts to skate for the picture.

"I was promised a free cup," Yoongi stated as he was gliding behind you, softly pushing your back as you proceeded to do nothing but allow him to direct you to where your desired hot cocoa was.

Scoffing a little, you shush him as you reached the exit ramp. Jumping off, the two of you slowly waddled to Bella and Nico who were next in line.

"Wait," you start, pausing your footsteps which resulted in him almost falling after slamming to your side. "Shouldn't we ask Joon and Jules if they want one?"

Peeking over your shoulder, Yoongi looks back down to you. "Nah, don't wanna ruin their fun."

Following his recent glance, you could see Joon and Jules in front of one another, both holding hands as they try to catch a faster pace while twirling in big circles.

You were sure they were eventually going to knock a small child over soon.

"Next," you hear the worker call out, sitting behind his register waiting for your arrival.

Quickly walking up, you place your order as nothing else but the hot drinks seemed to interest you. The total came out to be the cost as what four drinks at your local cafe would be, but you shouldn't be surprised since this place was pretty popular to the public.

Pulling out his wallet so fast, you didn't have to process what Yoongi was doing until you caught the view of his credit card as he handed it over to the man in front of you.

"No-" you try intercepting what had just happened by giving your card to the worker who just shrugged as he had already paid for the drinks on Yoongi's card. "Why would you do that?"

"You're too slow," Yoongi bluntly said as he grabbed the two drinks and moved to the side so the next person in line could place their order.

"But it hadn't even been three seconds since he said the total before you handed him the card," you protest.

He handed you your cup, hoping it'll shut you up as he took a small sip from his own. "And?"

Is he being serious? "'And,'" you question as he continued to be unaware as to what you were getting at. "Since the beginning I vowed to buy you hot cocoa."

Yoongi laughed at how stubborn you were becoming. "Vowed? What a great word choice for this scenario, fiance."

Rolling your eyes at his teasing, you hated the fact he was avoiding your question. You knew he did it because he wanted to be a gentleman, but the problem was he didn't want to admit he was one.

Again, he was being shy.

"I see you are kind," you smirk as he gave you a disgusted glance. "Don't worry, I won't tell people you have a heart."

Before he could leave a snarky comeback, Nico and Bella came back in giggles as Yoongi retreated back to his natural state of looking lifeless. "Oh my gosh- we went to get napkins and I kid you not I may have poured my drink on the back of this poor little girl."

Lightly gasping, you widen your eyes as Yoongi confusingly replies back. "May have? You don't know if you did or not?"

Bella makes an accountable face, scrunching her nose in the process. "Okay, I did. But she's the one who ran into me!"

"Well, she was really small and you kind of didn't search your surroundings before kneeing her," Nico exposed, causing Yoongi and you to give each other a concerned look.

"You kneed her?!"

"Only in her side," Bella excused herself, sending Nico a betrayed look. "It wasn't like it was her stomach."

"It practically was...," Nico mumbled but became silent when her co-star eyed her hard.

Coughing uncomfortably, Yoongi caught everyone's attention as he tried to avert the conversation into something that wasn't as horrific as striking a child with hot cocoa and a knee. "We should probably hit the ice again soon before Jules and Joon find out we got these drinks without them."

"Jules is here?!" Bella beamed, searching around for her through the large gatherings of people on the ice. "I missed that crazy lady, she was the only one who would get my coffee order right."

"She told me she would threaten to get the baristas fired if they kept getting it wrong," Nico recalled, chewing her mouth a little. "That's why I stopped letting her take my orders."

Sighing, you looked up in the ceiling in disapproval as you could feel Yoongi laughing his ass off beside you. That was very Jules of her to do.

After another two hours of trying to figure out how to skate, and basically latching onto Yoongi the whole time as Bella and Nico were doing laps around you guys, you finally made it home.

To say you were exhausted would be an understatement- you were drained.

No, seriously. You hadn't worked out this much since Jules and you almost missed the subway two months ago and had to run three blocks to catch it on time.

That day was dreadful, but you were sure if you went to bed you were going to wake up lifeless like a worm.

"I call the shower first!" you hear Jules scream, running to her room in order to grab her belongings but you were faster and instantly made your way to the bathroom, locking the door before she could break in. "You bitch! How dare you steal it with my back turned!"

Grinning evilly to yourself, you wanted to get your night routines over with so you could hit the pillows quickly. Even after taking off all your makeup, taking a very steamy shower, and doing your nightly skin care routine, you were sure you could easily knock out sitting on the toilet if you had the chance.

We all have done it once in our lives.

Opening the door, the steam flows out smoothly as you face your very displeased roommate on the other side, glaring at you. "All yours," you smile, stepping to the side but she roughly pushes you in response, causing you to yelp as you manage to catch your balance midway.

Mental note, burn her eggs next breakfast.

Stepping into your room, you change into an oversized hoodie and sweats before throwing yourself under your covers in excitement.

The moment you've been waiting for all day: sleep.

Closing your eyes, you feel all your senses slowly drifting away from your body as relaxation crept up from all around. It was truly intoxicating how in trance you were.

But of course with your luck, nothing goes as planned- ever.

Wildly jumping up from the loud blaring of your phone, you cover your face in agony as the vibrations and noise cause pain throughout your entire body.

Who the hell was calling you at 10 o'clock at night? This should be illegal.

After taking a minute to control yourself, the ringing stopped. Good, now you won't have to make time to engage in a conversation. Quickly falling back down onto your pillows, it wasn't even ten seconds later before you feel your phone going off like crazy again.

With you eyes shut, you move your hands around your bed until you feel the cool object underneath your pillow. Lazily pressing any button, without batting one eye open, you move the phone to your ear before releasing a groggy, "What?"

"What a lovely way to greet somebody, kiddo."

You instantly freeze, automatically thinking about the vivid dream you had about him, then Lady Gaga, and felt a blush creeping in.

Slowly pulling the phone away, you let out a loud but fast scream before moving it back. How the hell are you going to begin a conversation without thinking about his lips on yours. "What do you want?"

Pausing for a second, you can hear him move around through his end. "Did you just scream?"

It's not like you didn't just dream about him kissing all over your body two nights ago.

"Did you just wake me up to ask me the obvious answer?"

Act like you don't care. Like you are perfectly fine.

He chuckles lightly and you can tell by his tone he was close to passing out too. "Somebody's cranky, is it past your bedtime?" Pedro teased.

You were definitely not in the mood to handle his ridicules at this hour, especially by how nervous he was slowly making you. What did he want?

"Yes," you simply reply before hitting the red button, ending the call and laying your head back on your pillow. Good, just end it before you make a bigger fool out of yourself.

It hadn't even been another ten seconds before your phone was ringing once again. Pulling it up to your face, you let out a huff. What a shocker, it was him again.

"You better have an insanely good reason as to why you chose to wake me up in the middle of my dream," you immediately say as you press the 'accept' button.

Hearing him laugh, you just know he has a sarcastic comment coming any second. "Wake you up? Honey, you're still living your dream talking to me."

Honey.

No, not another nickname for him to call you in future dreams.

Shaking that thought away, you rejected the idea of him being in any more dreams- you forbid it.

Loss at words for a second, you almost let your next words trip over one another before calmly gaining your composure at the incidental choice of your pet name.

"So funny," you reply back, trying your best to sound sane. "Pretty sure I was dreaming of a very shirtless Matt Healy playing 'Please Be Naked' to me."

Why the fuck would you slip that out.

"Are you trying to hint at something?" he smirks, making you press mute and hold your hand over your mouth to hold back the screams you feared would release.

Feeling like your soul was about to leave your body, you couldn't believe he just said that.

Actually, you couldn't believe you would even recommend that song. God, your sleepiness was messing with your mind.

Finding your energy once again, you unmute the call and try to seem unfazed by his last comment. "Yes, that I want to sleep. Goodbye now."

Before you could hit the red button again, you could hear him chanting over the phone to do the exact opposite. "Don't!"

Groaning, you clutch the phone harder in despair. "I am so tired. Don't do this to me, please. I am a girl who values her sleep!" you whine as you hear him continue his light giggles in the background. "If I don't sleep I will die, is this what you want. Are you trying to kill me?"

"I can reassure you I don't plan on keeping you up long," he explains. "And I wouldn't dare wish for your death."

Your heart fluttering, you glare at your chest. "Then what do you want?"

Moving his phone from one ear to the other, he lays in his bed while smiling at his ceiling. "You," he declares, making you widen your eyes as he shuffles around in his blanket. "Tomorrow, let's hang out."

Sitting up against your bed frame, you furrow your brow. "Hang out? For what?" There's no way you will be able to act normal for a long period of time, your weak-self can't do it.

Placing a hand over his chest, he lets out a light hiss in fake hurt by your comeback before continuing. "Can't I hang out with you by choice and not by a work schedule? Unless you're so disgusted by me." That's when he started his fake cries. "I'm so sorry I am not Matt Healy and can't do a great British accent."

Shaking your head, you try to intervene as his ugly cries become louder through the line. "That's not what I meant, stop being dramatic," you complain as he instantly stops while smiling widely. "Is there a specific reason why you want to hang out?"

Taking a deep breath, he fiddles with the fingers on his non-occupied hand. "Does there need to be a reason?"

You pause for a second. He's acting too kind for your liking and it's making you question what his intentions are. In this point of time, you're sure he's going to take that moment to convince you to work with him in Canada.

"With you there's always a reason."

Scoffing lightly, he grumbles. "I just want to go on a hike and need a hiking partner."

Oh hell no, you already did enough working out this evening. You were not about to do that again, that's for sure.

"Yeah, nooo," you exhale lowly. "I already did too much working out with my body if you know what I mean and-"

"I don't know what that means," he cuts you off.

"It means I am going to be sore for days so my body has no strength to walk for more than five minutes," you declare as he falls silent.

After a few seconds that felt like forever, he replies. "Fine," he blankly states. "Have a goodnight, sweetheart."

The warmth as blood began drawing to your face became present as you quickly reply with a simple "night" before ending the call. And for some reason you felt as if you couldn't breathe normally by the pounding on your chest.

What the hell was happening to you. Looking up at the ceiling, you silently pray you don't have a Lady Gaga 2.0 fiasco.

As you were questioning why your heart made you feel as if you were going under cardiac arrest the night before, your body was currently making you feel if you really needed to make that trip to the ER by how tender you were.

It also didn't help that Jules was the one waking you up at the crack of dawn, half asleep with her eye mask clinging onto her forehead.

"W-why are you-" you grumble, rubbing your eyes as you look at the alarm clock near your bedside. "-waking me up at 6:18am? It's Saturday."

She sent you a death glare for assuming she randomly wanted to wake you up for the fun of it as she was the one who was woken up first. "Someone's here for you."

Positioning your body upwards, you squint your eyes up at her. "What are you talking about?"

"Why don't you take a look for yourself," she gritted her teeth, swaying her head towards your door.

Slowly standing up, you make your way to it before sneaking a peak of the view of your living room. That's when you see a very annoying man you were sure you both agreed on the phone last night to not go hiking.

Luckily, he didn't notice your wandering eyes as his were glued to his phone, scrolling through his social media.

What was he doing here? You can't face him without thinking about his body wrapped around yours and his lips doing dangerous things.

Oh no, you truly were screwed.

Lightly shutting your door, you nervously turn back to your roommate who looks displeased. "I told him no."

"No means yes, I guess," she replies, snaking her arms around her body for warmth. "I'm going back to bed."

You could hear her walk out of your room as you frantically begin searching for something warm yet comfortable clothes to wear on this undesired hike. You knew if you tried backing out he would stay until you caved, he was very persistent to get what he wanted.

And what he wanted was for you to get your ass up and exercise.

You were also certain you heard Jules let out a "thanks for the invite" to him before hearing her bedroom door shut.

Running out of your room, you made sure not to look in his direction so he wouldn't see your morning appearance clearly- well he already has but why reveal yourself in this state again?

Quickly brushing your hair, teeth, and washing your face, you change into a baggy green sweatshirt and some black workout leggings before slipping on suited running shoes.

Try to act natural. Give him little attention so he won't speculate anything. You aren't into old men and did not vision him smooching you on your sofa.

"You are so buying me breakfast," you deadpan as you walked straight out of your door, not even daring to wait for him to follow.

Good, be straightforward.

Laughing to himself, Pedro promptly jumped off the couch and jogged after you once you shut the door on him and continued down the halls to the elevators.

Finally catching up, he barely made it through the elevator doors as they were closing to find you leaning against the corner, mad and tired. "Good morning to you, too."

You let out a small cry as you lay your head against the wall in pain from how frustratingly exhausted you were. If one cold breeze hit you outside you were sure you were going to burst into tears.

"Oh, come one," he walks over to you and nudged your shoulder to wake up some more. If he unexpectedly touched you again you were sure you were going to rip his arm off. "In a few minutes you'll be wide awake and fine."

"How dare you assume I'm going to be fine!" you whine, trying to hit his side but he manages to capture your arm and that's when you give up and allow your worn out body to fall on him.

He instantly wraps his arms around you as your head falls just beneath his chin, your eyes slowly closing and your thoughts drifting away as his warmth was making you drowsy.

You tried to stay focus, but your poor state was taking over and you suddenly weren't as anxious as you once were. Being sleepy really made your mind roam.

"Hey, now," he whispers and looks down to see you snuggling up against him. "You can't fall asleep on me. I do not want your security guards thinking I drugged you."

Tightening your arms on how lower sides, you ignore him as you feel yourself easing closer to dozing off by the constant beating of his heart. "Stop," you mumble, clutching your ears softly before positioning your head on the other side of his chest.

"What?" he curiously glances down at you.

"You heartbeat's annoying me," you lightly whine. "It's pounding against my ears."

Pedro was extremely glad you were too tired to process his heartbeat and the bright red tint plastered across his face. Your drained-self definitely saved him from embarrassment.

Finally, the elevator doors opened and you still weren't moving. You were too comfortable to make any effort to walk on your own and if he really wanted you to hang out this morning then he was going to have to find a way to make you move.

And to him, dragging you was his best option yet. But with care.

Delicately keeping his arms secured around you, he gradually walked out with you still engulfed by him, eyes shut and only moving your feet with his pace.

Honestly, you were surprised how much rhythm you had.

Stopping to pull out his car keys, he unlocked his car and opened his passenger side door once you two reached the garage complex. Gently, laying you on the seat, you station you head against the headrest as he buckled you in. "God, I really hope security doesn't report me."

And once he made it to his side and hopped in, he laughed at the state you were in, head instantly bent to your side and legs tangled together in hope to create some kind of warmth. "Adorable."

But of course you were too dumb to not catch that.

You were awoken by a small speed bump and the instant hit of warmth through the heat vents, your eyes slowly glancing around your surroundings. Taking a quick peep at the screen indicating the time, you read that it was almost 7am.

Tilting your head and leaning against the headrest, you lazily stare at Pedro as he continues to drive to god knows where.

"Don't I look so handsome in the morning?" he jokes before meeting your eyes, sending you a warm grin.

And handsome on top of you.

Shutting your eyes tightly, you beg your imagination to please shut the fuck up.

"You mean drastic," you mutter, moving your head to the opposite side, against the window to force some sleep again.

Better to make time fly by faster knocking out where you were sure you wouldn't say anything stupid.

"Hey, no..." he whines, moving his right arm across to shake your chin softly to keep you conscious. "Don't pass out on me again, I'm lonely."

"And I'm tired, deal with it."

Shuffling in his seat, he looks over to see you curling yourself up in a ball with your legs to your knees and arms wrapped around. Not thinking things throughly, he hits the brakes hard for a split second and watches as your body jolts forward before swinging back against his seat.

"What the fuck!" you shriek, propping your body up and facing him in pure rage. "Are you trying to irritate me?!"

"I'm lonely and you're not helping," Pedro calmly states, shrugging as you continue your daggers his way.

You were beyond pissed. How could he think you would be energetic and talkative right now? How could he attempt to make you fly out the window? You could feel your nerves slowly fading away by the fury growing inside you.

If he wanted you awake then fine, you were going to be awake.

Doesn't mean you had to talk though.

Silently sitting up, you stare at the windshield in front of you and watch the cars drive as he continues to spare you a glance every once in a while.

Honestly, your silence was terrifying the fuck out of him. Normally, you would have some snarky comeback or violent punch to return to his evil tactics, but you were doing nothing.

Literally nothing.

And he knows damn well the sights of trees and cars did not interest you.

"Hey...," you feel Pedro lightly poke your side, pursing his lips once he saw your non-existent reaction. "You're not mad, right?"

Ignoring him, you continue your deep stare now onto more trees as you two were getting closer to nature than streets. You must've been out for some time as you barely noticed how far away from the city you really were.

Joon would really love this.

Gradually lifting his arm up, his places it on top of your own and gives it a small squeeze while laying it there. "C'mon, don't ignore me."

As if that would make you stop your scheme.

Blinking slowly, you acted like you paid no attention to his puppy dog pleads as the car was making its way towards an almost empty parking lot, all surrounded by a forest that only had one route starting within an old wooden bridge.

Pulling up to a nearby parking spot, Pedro parked the car before turning back to try and capture your attention but nothing was working.

You were so damn frustrating, it was infuriating. But he was still desperate to gain your attention.

"Are you just going to sit in here all day or what?" he questions as he waves a hand over your face to make you blink.

You didn't and that kind of frightened him. Work of the devil.

"I am going to cry," he warned, swatting his hand over his face to prepare for his fake tears.

Yet you showed no mercy. Sitting there patiently, you inhaled and exhaled softly, causing him to internally flip the fuck out because why were you being so aggravating when the two of you should be walking and pointing out the squirrels fighting over nuts.

And sadly, he was slowly giving up.

"Imagine if I really was crying," he began, offended you did not care one bit. "Really means a lot how unconcerned you are."

But when you suddenly started examining your nails and carefully picking at them is when he totally lost it.

Reaching over to you and moving his arm down your arm, he swiftly intertwined your fingers with his before moving you posture to face him.

His hand was huge.

"No, no-" he started, pulling a face as you gave him a blank stare back. Act natural. Pulling your shared hands in front of his chest, he sulks. "-please, for the love of whichever god you believe in, or if you're an atheist- for the love of you, please talk to me."

Watching him beg for forgiveness has always been funny in the past, but his pleading for attention now makes you feel bad.

"If you talk to me I will buy you breakfast and a very delicious milkshake that will make you extremely happy for the rest of the day," he continues, using his free left arm to wrap around you as his right one still clutches onto your palm.

He's so warm.

Pursing your lips a bit, you send him a skeptical glance. "Oreo shake with a lot of whipped cream?"

He instantly nods, a smile breaking out. "Of course, anything you want."

You look at the car's steering wheel before averting your eyes back to his. "And a red cherry?"

"I'll buy you a full jar of cherries if it makes you happy," he declares.

"And fries?"

Agreeing, he lets out a quick nod again. "With extra seasoning."

Biting your lip, you proceed to think about other stuff you may want with your milkshake and fries. "A burger?"

"My goodness, woman" he sighs, letting go of you and jumping out of the car before running around to your side and opening your door. "I'll buy you the whole menu, now let's go!"

With that, he vigorously yet cautiously pulls you out of your seat and throws you over his shoulders.

"Oh no!" you squeal, trying to find something to hold on to as he begins his journey, walking towards the bridge to start the hike. Grabbing a hold of his neck, you try not to choke him as you place your arm around it.

If you were going down, you were sure you were going to break his neck in the process. At least it would be a learning lesson for him.

"If you drop me I am never talking to you again," you threaten as he continues down a path.

"Said that before and just did it half the car ride here," he begins, moving his shoulder to give you a little fright of your life. "Now I just found out that all I have to do is buy you food and you'll yap again."

Glaring, you choke him a little to which he chuckles. "Didn't know you were into that."

Speechless, you couldn't believe his words. What the hell was he on this morning?

"Put me down!" you exclaim, immediately moving your body so he would lose his balance. Once he did so, you scowl as he ruffles your hair, making it tangle around. "Hey!"

"Can you stop being negative for a few minutes and enjoy the environment?" he asks, pulling his arms up to twirl around. "Just take in that fresh air mother nature gifted us."

Scrunching your nose, you frown. "It smells like rotten eggs."

"Because of the ducks," he pointed out before patting his pockets. "Which we will be feeding with the bread I brought."

Examining his pocket, you shoot him a curious glance. "How big are your pockets?"

"Not important," he states, grabbing your arms and dragging you along with him down the long trail. "What's important is finishing this trail to feel accomplished."

Pouting, you allowed him to drag you along as you miserably dreaded the next few hours to come. The energy you had to give off just for some damn breakfast.

Shame on you for loving food so much.

Encountering many frogs, lizards, and pigeons who loved flying right by both of your heads and scaring you to death, you had long forgotten about how anxious you were being around him. Being distracted constantly had you occupied which was a relief.

Eventually, you two finally found the drugs.

Or the ducks.

Walking by a huge pond, there were numerous amounts of ducks leaping around with their families following behind. It was really cute, but the smell wasn't.

"I wonder if they can choke on this?" Pedro muttered as he pulled out a large bread. Slowly nearing one medium-seized one in caution, he rips a piece apart and throws it. "It is kind of thick."

Taking a moment to check the bread out, you sigh. "Are you feeding these ducks bolillo bread?"

He pauses, not sure why you would care to ask. "Yes and?"

"They have thick crusts!" you exclaim. "And why not just feed them normal wheat bread?"

"Who even eats wheat? It's bland." he protests. "Plus, this is leftovers from my dinner last night."

"They're ducks! They don't care," you argue as he shakes his head.

"Just imagine if you were a duck," he began, making you huff in annoyance as you just knew he was going to say something ridiculous. "Wouldn't you love to eat this nice bolillo bread, maybe visualize a torta with some carnitas, onions, avocado, can't forget the refried bean-"

"The duck is choking!" you squeal and stare in fear as the poor duck starts to wheeze sharply.

Pedro's facial expressions drops as he sees the poor duck quacking in agony. Nervously rushing to its side, he looks up at you. "Do we pat its back? CPR? Call 911?!"

Pulling out your phone, you type away to find answers for your current problem. It was indeed true that you aren't supposed to feed ducks bread.

Especially thick Mexican ones.

"Give it mouth to mouth if you want chlamydia," you read aloud, causing Pedro to instantly leap away from the duck as it hastily begins to lay on the ground. "Wait, you get that from birds, not ducks. Silly me."

"Ducks are birds," he discloses, trying his best to softly pat the ducks back, finally giving it one powerful swat to help but instead the duck ends ups being thrown a few feet away by his force.

"Do I look like a fucking duck doctor?" you spit out, making him look up confused.

"You mean a veterarian."

Ignoring his last comment, you continue scrolling through more of google's suggestions, finally finding some information that may help. "You need to press down on its chest with 1-2 fingers or just give them water to drown it down."

Immediately grabbing the duck and placing it on its back, you worriedly watch over the duck from Pedro's shoulder as he works his fingers on the poor animal.

However, no luck was given as the duck was beginning to look weak and drowsy as pressure kept being projected on its chest. "We need water!"

Running towards the pond, you motion for Pedro to follow along with the duck as you look for a safe ramp to lead the duck onto. "Let's just lay him down near the water and splash him with it."

"He?" Pedro asks, stopping his movements. "But it looks like a she-"

"We are not arguing over its gender when its literally dying in your arms!" you exclaim, causing him to quickly nod and follow the ramp you found towards the water.

Gently, Pedro lowered his arms near the water with the poor duck taking over his hands. Trying to move the flow of water towards its face, he calls you over. "He's not accepting it, you need to scoop some up in your hand and pour it over his beak."

Rapidly nodding, you do as he says and take a handful and try not to spill it before gradually pouring it over the duck's beak. This water was not clean, but at least it was something. Nothing was happening until your third scoop once the duck began to actually swallow some of the water slowly.

"I-I think it's working! We did it!" Pedro cheered, trying to give you a high-five, failing incredibly as he somehow managed to lose his grip and dump the poor duck hard in the pond. "Oh shit!"

Squatting down, you try to reach for the duck as its face was buried underneath the water before Pedro's body slams into yours, causing you to fall into the dirty, cold pond.

The feeling of thick, muddy water overtakes your body as you lose all sight of air. Quickly moving your arms up and down, you rise back to the surface to find Pedro with his hands over his mouth and his jaw dropped.

He knew he wasn't going to hear the end of it.

"Fuck," he nervously muttered to himself before reaching out for you. "I am so so so sorry, the leaf made me slip AH!-"

He couldn't finish his sentence as you yanked his arm down with you, pulling with almighty to get him to land in the pond. The weight of the water going down with his body diving harshly against it, you knew he was completely soaked.

And probably pissed, but its okay. It's what he deserves.

Waiting for him to come up, he finally did so in seconds looking very unhappy. It made you delighted.

"You did that on purpose!"

Scoffing, you splash him and watch as he gasps harder. "You do a lot of things on purpose."

Using both hands to release bigger waves, he splashes you back. "Don't splash me!"

Growling, you slap his chest as he clutches your wrist afterwards. "You're so lucky I forgot my phone at home."

Gasping, you feel one of his hands fly underwater. "I didn't!" You hold in your giggles as he shuffles frantically before moving his gaze back up. "Wait, I never removed it from my glove department. Be fortunate I forgot it because if you destroyed it I would've made you walk home."

Furrowing your brows, you push his shoulders and make him move back by the force of it. "You're the one who started it. We're gonna get duck chlamydia now!"

Rolling his eyes, he pushed you back, causing you to fall under the water. Once you caught your breath again you notice the way he glares at you. "That's not even a thing."

"Just another STD to add to your list," you jokingly mumble to yourself, sure he didn't catch it.

You were wrong, again.

Launching himself onto you, the two of you fall underwater as he shoves you body around in revenge. Swimming back up, you gasp for air while slapping his arms off you as he tried blocking all your attempts.

Wrapping his arms around your waist, he clings his face on your shoulder as he proceeds to try and bring you down under but somehow you manage to wrap your leg around his thigh, causing him to lose his strength and fall backwards with you on top of him.

He sure has one strong grip.

Now, not saying you were going to kill him. But this was your chance to kill him with no witnesses.

Well- besides the ducks, but they wouldn't quack a soul.

Regaining his energy, he lifts himself back up and holds you up, about to drag you under again before you crazily oppose while shaking your head, "Don't! We're gonna get sick!"

"That's not a very sincere apology," he tilts his head, his wet hair scattered across his face as he awaits your alibi.

Huffing, you fight back a rude remark. "Do you understand how much poop were swimming in right now? These ducks are probably laughing at us by how much they are quacking."

Swiftly looking around, the two of you check the surrounding ducks around who blankly stare back. The older looking ones hollering nonsense, probably making plans to kill you and Pedro.

"I bet their releasing their chlamydia right now," you cry, hiding your face in his shoulder as he bursts out laughing.

"I don't think that's how it works."

Glancing down on him, you're surprised by his strength. He's been holding you up by your waist for so long you're shocked he hasn't dropped you accidentally yet. "Let's not find out, let's get out."

"You're forgetting something," he smiles, staring innocently at you, knowing damn well you can't leave without his release. "And I wouldn't wait this one out because I am pretty sure I feel toads swimming near my feet."

Instantaneously, you clung onto him tighter in fear as you could imagine the feeling of something swarming around your body. It was like hundred of spiders crawling all over you, you needed to get out of here.

Pulling yourself back up, you place your hands on his shoulders as he impassively stares back at you, waiting. "Fine," you huff. "I'm sorry for claiming you had STD's before."

Pedro just stays there, not moving an inch as if he wants more. Groaning, you knew he wasn't going to give in so easy. "And I am sorry for stimulating the idea that you would get duck chlamydia," you apologize. "But you can get E. coli."

That didn't help as he just helplessly eyed you, not impressed with your poor excuses of your so-called apologies. What more did he want? You can't necessarily beg on your knees, you're in the water!

Whining, you knew you had to pull out your sincere face. You just knew your Oscar-worthy acting was about to award you freedom.

Softly, you move strands of hair stuck near his eyes away from his face and brush his hair back before quivering your lips and looking down upon him in sorrow.

He has really pretty eyes.

"I'm really sorry," you start as you push your face inside his neck and lock him inside your arms. "I know you don't have any infections, you don't even have visible rashes or sores to prove it."

Pedro finds your plead for forgiveness charming as you squeeze him tighter. He begins to release you until he hears the mutter of your "-that are visible."

"You couldn't hold it in for a few more seconds?!" he whined at how fast you went back to insulting him.

Sighing heavily, you slap a hand to your face. "It's hard!"

Suppressing a laugh, he unwrapped his arms around you and let you get back to the sidewalk. But once you were back on your feet, you looked down to find your body filled with random pieces of dirt, sticks, and grass. "Ew!"

"You're not sitting in my car," Pedro states, waving his head side to side to release some water from his ears.

"You're worse than me!"

"My car, my rules."

Frowning, you weren't sure if he was kidding or not. "Well, you almost committed first-degree-murder so if you don't want people to know you must be my personal servant."

His instant glare turned into confusion as he abruptly moved his attention back towards the pond. "Where did the duck go?"

Widening your eyes, you forgot that you had a helpless duck in your hands minutes ago before your splash attack with Pedro. Scanning your eyes from the sidewalks to the ramps to the pond, you noticed a duck floating nearby. "I think that's them."

Pointing at a duck with the closest familiar colors than the rest, you felt Pedro let out of sigh of relief. "Thank goodness, I would have felt extremely guilty if she would have died."

"It could be a he," you snap back.

He was about to protest but honestly, you were done for the day. You just wanted to take a long and hot shower and knock back out. Not only that, but you ruined your cute running shoes you gifted yourself months ago for your work out journey.

You never really wore them, but it's the thought that counts.

"We can get breakfast another day," you plead to which he didn't argue over because he really wanted to remove the unknown substances off his body asap.

He wouldn't admit it, but he was genuinely scared he may have gotten duck chlamydia .

"Okay, but no sleeping in the car," Pedro states as you exhale loudly. All this and you still weren't allowed to doze off, how cruel is life at the moment.

Walking back to the car would've went down smoothly if the two of you weren't given disturbed looks from strangers and your clothes weren't clinging uncomfortably to your bodies, especially your shoes.

Luckily, Pedro had towels in his trunk and set them down on the seats. "God, I am definitely going to need a deep cleaning after this."

Slipping inside, your hands find the heater and turn it on full blast. Not only was it freezing outside, but your drenched state made you feel like an icicle.

Setting off back to the road, your mind begins to wander back to the question that has been flooding your mind lately. Craning you neck towards his presence, you make out his comfort state. Cool, he's calm.

Here goes nothing.

"So," you start, awkwardly playing with your hands as you try to make direct eye-contact with him as he turns his head to you. "Why did you visit the other morning?"

Lifting a brow, he pulls a face. "Other morning?"

Biting the inside of the cheek, you try to sound composed. "Yeah, remember? You dropped by around 6am-"

"-and you thought I was Lady Gaga, slammed the door on my face, and went back to bed?" he finished, grinning while finding your eyes again. "You mean that day?"

"Well if you knew what I was talking about why make me recall those mortifying details?" you grumble, leaning back against your seat. "And I thought you were a cat."

"I figured, I always questioned why Jules would ramble on about buying Lady Gaga a new electric litter box until I connected the dots," he confessed making you let out a small chuckle.

Yeah, you clearly remember how upset Jules became when Lady Gaga neglected the expensive box.

"But if you're curious, it wasn't because I wanted to go hiking," he smiled, referring to the current day.

"Then why?"

He paused for a minute, checking his mirrors before switching lanes. "I'm not really sure."

Tilting your head a bit, you express curiosity as you glance back. "I don't understand?"

Laughing lowly, he slightly shook his head. "I did wake up real fucking early that day," he started. "Maybe around 4am? Which sucked because I must've gotten like 3-4 hours of sleep."

"So you decided to wake me up so I could feel your pain?"

"No," he stifled another chuckle. "To plant trees."

Squinting your eyes, you become very confused. What is he talking about? He noticed your puzzlement immediately. "You know, go early in the morning to different areas in the city and help dig and replace old trees to plant new ones."

This whole time you were flipping out, wondering why he randomly came early in the morning just to find out it was because he's a nature boy who wants to help out the community?

It was very sweet of him to be as helpful as he was, but you were a little disappointment it wasn't something more.

"That's why?" you ask and he nods. "And why no warning?"

"Well, I was going to call but I figured all that studying you had done the evening before may have knocked you out early," he confessed.

Yet he still made you wake up early today knowing damn well you were exhausted last night. Strange.

"Why me?" you giggle. "I'm not your typical nature girl, Joon would've been perfect for the job."

Shrugging, he leaned his elbow on his middle console. "I thought about asking him, but to be honest I didn't want to pay for any damages he may have caused."

That was a very accurate insight of what Joon really was, clumsy. The amount of times he accidentally dropped his coffee cups, tripped over wires backstage, and face-planted against glass doors would be too much to count on both your palms.

You're surprised he hasn't broken his back again- but still glad he hasn't. That would really suck.

"But have you thought things over yet?" Pedro glanced your way before looking back forward. "About Canada?"

Stiffing up a bit, you move your eyes to the dashboard. You weren't dreading this conversation, but you didn't want to talk about it.

This was a situation where it was a win but also a loss.

Win as in gaining incredible experience, loss that your parent's wouldn't be pleased, it was in a different country, and you'd be missing out on your social life for almost a year.

"Not really," you admit and sense from the corner of your eyes his shoulders fall. "Still indecisive, as always," you try joking to lighten the mood.

Sending over a tiny grin, he mirrors your same expression, doubtful. His face turns concentrated again, leaning closer to you before he shuts down again, ultimately rejecting whatever idea he had going on.

The rest of the drive back to your place went by fast. The two of you made little talk about each other's life and how school was going for you, but he already knew so much already from past encounters.

Pulling up to the red curb you loathe, you crack a scowl as he only returns a smirk at his doing. "I will personally send my property manager to you so she can threaten you."

"I do love threats," he beamed, watching as you reach for the handle before stopping you by his voice. "-but I had fun this morning, despite our little uh...catastrophe," he chuckled, looking down at his clothes.

"I totally agree," you grin. "Dirt just looks so good on me."

He sniggers lightly before slightly sobering up. "But seriously, think about the offer," he begins, nipping at his lip a bit, not trying to put too much pressure on you. "It'll be good for you, you know- your future."

Sighing, you nod. You knew where he was coming from since he's been doing this for so long, but you were still young and had a lot on your mind.

"I'll think about it," you smile, reaching for the door handle and swiftly getting out, missing the way his smile slowly vanishes.

Taking your usual step back, you send him a farewell wave but he does his habitual goodbyes as he gets out of his car and grins to you. "See you around." Laughing, you walk inside the doors and make your way to the elevators, his followed soft "beautiful" being muffled by the traffic on the streets.

It seemed like both of you were screwed.

+

taglist: @thesapphirequeen @floralsightings @wrathofcats @avengersheart @fafik7  @chimchimjiminie16 @adriennemichelle98

[fairycosmos]

Can I get your opinion on my cat Stanley? He died a week ago I think, not even a year old. It really traumatized me bc my other cat died almost a year ago and I don't know what I did to deserve it of either of them. Stanley was named that bc he loved drinking water from a faucet and it reminded my siblings of the movie Holes, the scene where Mr Sir is like "Thirsty, Stanley?"

I really do miss my boy so much and I don't think I've been able to say much about him bc i distanced myself, as it took me 2 weeks of non-stop hardcore crying and being unable to breathe for me to somewhat accept my cat's death last year, so this one was even more of a struggle.

The main thing stops me from grieving too much is that Stanley was literally fearless. He should've been like a normal cat, afraid of cars, but he wasn't so I can't get mad at him for not being here anymore. I know he loved me bc the day before he died, he must've known something was gonna happen bc he jumped up next to me on the bed, came up to me, sat in my lap, kissed my face, let me kiss his head, purr, and not leave me alone for a while before he went to my little sister and did the same with her. 🥺

I'm not trying to make this sad or anything, just wanted to ask what you'd think of him, given my description of him?

-Lyle

ohhh lyle i am so so sorry that you are going through this right now :( the pain of losing a pet is so real and so awful. he looks like such a wonderful, well-loved and well cared for little angel. i especially love his eyes and the pattern of his coat - what a sweet little love. and what a great name, too. unfortunately i think during grief our minds try to make sense of the mourning by turning to familiar concepts such as self-blame, or pondering questions without an answer as a distraction or a way to make it all seem clearer - i.e, what did i do to deserve this? the answer is nothing. the answer is horrible things happen without reason to lovely people and lovely animals all the time, and it is horrifically unfair. it is very clear just from this message alone that he loved you just as much as you loved him, that you guys had a really special bond that can never be taken back or lost fully. the reaction you're having, the crying and the grieving and the depth of the hurt, is completely understandable. esp when the death is so sudden and unexpected - it takes time to move through these emotions. the coping mechanism of distancing yourself from talking about him and your other cat is very common, and i think it's a good sign that you're able to share him with me and recognize all the love that exists between you two. i hope you have good people around you who you can begin to open up to about this - maybe your sister, who clearly cared for stanley like you did. honestly, if the mourning continues to be hard to deal with, i would even consider talking to a counsellor about if i were you. just to have someone to unload all these feelings and verbalize what you're going through. i know that's a big and complicated step, but it's ok to need help dealing with this sort of thing for real. mostly i hope you're able to find ways to remember him and honour his life as yours goes on, even just by remembering him as he was - adorable and deeply appreciated. if you ever wanna talk about him, share stories or more about his personality or pics when you're ready, i would love to hear it. i hope he can rest in peace, poor little guy. :( sending you a massive hug. x

[puppet-purgatory]

Very curious. Have any ( if substitute) was redeemed headcanons.

Also love you’re art and blog

HI!!! thank u !!!

There's some things i want to draw w the substitute, but they're very Ambitious bc i believe he (& the professor) Deserve The Good Stuff. the rendering. the effects. da big colors. i tend not to post my headcanons/ideas Without art because if it Does have a picture it's more likely to get attention/will be less annoying. ANYWAY,

I think it will Not be easy for the Substitute Redemption Arc to happen, as much as i'd be into it. Like he's so fucked up in So many ways, it'll take A Lot of work. ESPECIALLY now that the real professor is back. he's going to Know he's obsolete. It makes me kind of sad because he was Angry before and now he's going to be angry And scared. he's literally like a feral cat.

I do not think it would be easy for him to get better, nor would it be without its Downs; he's exactly like the Professor, isn't he? Has all his memories and Looks exactly the same? So why wasn't he good enough? And now the Professor is back again, and better than ever- now he's got parents, he's made up with Ryan, he's even gotten bigger! What's the point of being around at all? At the very start he wasn't good enough for the puppets at the funeral, and they sent him away. I think the regular Professor already has problems with being left alone, but this is a completely new flavor of that.

He's clearly very bitter toward them for their initial reaction to him, so he won't be glad to go back there (he's just going to be forgotten in the excitement of the Professor's return anyway!) if he's somehow destroyed. he's very fucked up about his state and seems to blame it partly on them and God; i find it fascinating he sounds so derogatory when he talks about God when the actual Professor has always said "he's a great guy" and has a literal line directly to him. I think that reveals a lot about his mental state- he's suffering a lot, so it's easy to blame it on others, especially if they're in higher places.

It sort of feels like he's lashing out on purpose, maybe even to Avoid more of that abandonment? Like, you're not the one being Left if you do the leaving. You cut the ties Yourself and it makes you feel more in control. If he tries to come around to the 'good' side he'll be reminded at every turn of what he's Not, and he'll always feel a little ostracized. So why not just go all in? In for a penny, in for a pound. My life will never be whole or happy so neither will yours.

all this to say that we can hope and theorize all we want, but i don't know if it'll have a happy ending. I know the S5 finale end was a generally 'happy' one, but I wouldn't be surprised if the Substitute's is a story of an enemy who tries to go out and take as many people with him as possible, or of someone who tries and tries but meets their end without ever getting 'better'. They might prove us wrong, though! I hope they do.

[daltonblaine]

'ur insane girl. as if it's a completely black & white situation and not a messy ass high school relationship with two fucked up people' !!!! THIS. i hate it when people either 100% blame blaine or 100% blame kurt in their messy situations (and 99% of the time, i see people blame blaine which pisses me off lol) bc they're both dumb and they both make mistakes and they're both just MESSY TEENS

Exactly 😭 apparently this is a hair trigger for me LOL um. some thoughts on this whole situation that no one asked for:

either type of stan/anti makes no sense to me because the fact of the matter is that blaine didn't cheat out of nowhere. was it a warranted/excusable response? absolutely not, but at least it's narratively understandable (which i value more than my fave being constantly morally pure LOL)

people say that cheating was an exceptionally nefarious & extreme response because from "what we've seen" kurt's only ignored 1 call from blaine and even "wasted his time skyping with blaine" (bitterly quoting an anti's post here LOL)

BUT i reject the idea of downplaying what both blaine & we as the audience were clearly meant to feel: a character with established abandonment issues, with no close friends around him anymore, started feeling truly abandoned

we're MEANT to feel conflicted about it because it's not a black and white situation. singularly taking the side of either kurt or blaine in this conflict makes you look ridiculous

i can understand why blaine might've cheated, but i mean. i think everyone agrees it was probably the worst choice he could've made. which, obviously, makes it impossible to take blaine's "side" in this conflict because at the end of the day cheating is cheating

but to immediately one-sidedly villainize blaine and claim kurt was completely guiltless also makes me tilt my head? it's not so cut and dry from here because some people will undoubtedly disagree with me on this, but from how i see it, klaine had already gone through this whole "what if you leave me behind" issue in s3. blaine had admitted his insecurities to kurt, who had acknowledged them and told him that they'd figure it out no matter what. and then what blaine was afraid of in s3 exactly happened once kurt left, with no proper communication from kurt's end

not so simple as "he cheated" on kurt's end, but kurt was unconsciously? doing something that was stretching thin the already-fragile balance they had on the account of blaine's established issues (and kurt faced no narrative consequences for this, i.e. we barely saw any kind of introspective kurt pov of the break up the same way we did with blaine, which i think is one of the biggest reasons why engagement era klaine didn't work out as they planned - that communication issue wasn't resolved even after they got back together)

honestly it's less of a finger-pointing blame game for me than thinking that miscommunication is klaine's biggest demon. i've talked about this before but the dichotomy of kurt & blaine's general reactions to conflict (kurt tending to pull away vs blaine tending to cling) makes communication EXTREMELY important in their relationship ... which i don't know if they really accomplish but hopefully now that they're going to therapy by s6 they got that figured out 😭

final note though - some of the standards people have for ships in fandom feel a bit shallow like if i wanted an unproblematic, conflict-free, safe ship i wouldn't be watching glee ... the morality cat fights people get into esp in regards to ships (but more often characters) have always been something i've never understood LOL i always have things to say about klaine because they're imperfect and complex. glee is an equal opportunity bad romance writer (makes all relationships fucked up on some level) LMAOO #GayRights

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 3227

i went to PT this morning and got a phone call from them as i pulled into the parking lot that my appointment was for 7:30, not 8. which i knew because i'd looked at it after showering, which was still 7:45, so regardless i was gonna be late. while i was showering though i thought "wait, was today's supposed to be early, or...?" so when i was done i checked and ta da, that was today. but it wound up not being a problem anyway, because someone had space at 8.

after PT i stopped at starbucks for cocoa because it was chilly and i'd just had ice packs on my shoulders.

i went to work and was there on time and it was actually all okay even though i was really busy and i didn't get the chance to write reports. i need to do that. i really gotta write reports. i told myself i'd be better at writing them this year but that hasn't really happened. it's just exhausting, i guess.

after work i went back to joel's and napped for a while. when i got up i packed my things and came home, after briefly accosting joel with affection. (he also stole my pillow last night - i blame the lack of pillow for my bad sleeping lmao. he's so cute though, so i can't stay mad. ever.) at home i was just in time to open my class photos that had arrived, set the table, and sit down before dinner was done.

after dinner hummus and i went on an adventure to find medicine pocket treats for the cats because zoe needs meds and simon has an appointment tomorrow so he needs meds too. we found them at walmart and stopped for ice cream on the way back.

by 10 simon hadn't eaten his meds but he had launched himself at mom again, so i went downstairs to see if i could get him to eat the meds or at least lick it off. he hadn't been fed, so i eventually needed to tear apart the treats into little bits and add dry food to it so he'd get the mix of same size bits all at once. i think it worked. he's been pretty chill since then.

i laid down and started season 3 of lok, which is honestly incredible and i love it a lot. i love that it's getting into family dynamics of the different families of the original characters as time has gone on. it makes me happy but it also makes me cry because that shit is HARD.

anyway it's now half past 2 and i need sleep bc i'm gonna be working in the garden tomorrow or i'm going to be cleaning my room. i don't know which yet.

bonus thought: i hate that the far right button on movie isn't tags anymore. i hate that it's above the row above the keyboard instead of in the row above it. ugh. every time.

[clairecrive]

"Sunshine" - Sirius Black x reader [Requested]

This is for the anon: Sirius/Remus (You pick) with reader who has problem expressing themselves, so they use stuffed animals? To elaborate they have a dog which is happy, bird which is excited, cat when lazy, frog when sad, owl when tired, and unicorn for confusion? I know it’s complicated, sorry if this was a waste of time, Wish you luck!

A/N: I end up choosing Sirius bc idk it felt more fitting. Hope you like this x

Warnings: nothing, this is pure fluff, maybe language

Word count: 1.4K ish

(let me know if you wanna be added to my taglist)

(not my gif)

"Hey sunshine, I got your frog. What's wrong?" you say when entering the boys' bedroom.

It was just after breakfast so everyone was either hurrying towards their lesson or already in class, leaving the dorms and in general the Gryffindor tower empty.

Well, almost empty considering you and your precious boyfriend were still here.

As a matter of fact, you were on your way to class when Sirius' patronus found you and handed you a frog. Knowing exactly what it meant, you turned around and hurried back down the corridors.

Now, it may sound weird for your boyfriend to send you a frog, out of all the things, but there was a reason. Neither you nor Sirius was very good at reaching out and asking for help when something happened. Since it was something you had in common, you couldn't really blame him. But, after the first month of you dating, it was causing more harm than good and you knew that it was something you needed to work on if this relationship was to go on.

So you talked about it and came up with an alternative system. One that didn't involve words and therefore made reaching out and express your feelings easier. And yes, it involved stuffed animals.  Well, when you were in the same room anyway. You restored to patronus when you were not together.

If anyone thought it weird that both of you started carrying around stuffed animals, they didn't show it. Even if they did though, neither of you would have cared much since this method was actually working and had, in fact, saved your relationship.

It was also a great way to quickly check on each other. Receiving a dog, meant the other was fine, happy even, a bird would mean that something exciting had happened or the other had exciting news to share, But a frog, not that was something you dreaded receiving.

It was bad news. It meant that something happened and the other needed comfort or at the very least for their significant other to be there for them.

Hence the reason you almost ran to Sirius, doing your best to skip the step of the stairs that lead to the boys' dormitory without falling on your face.

Last time you had seen Sirius was yesterday night before heading to bed. You had slept in and therefore missed breakfast. What could have gone wrong in such a short amount of time, you wondered. You just hoped that it wasn't anything gravely serious.

The sight that welcomed you when you finally reached him was disheartening, however.

Sirius was laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. He didn't move, nor when he heard your footsteps nor when you spoke. He just held up an open envelope for you to see and nothing else was needed. You knew what had put him in bad mood.

That goddammit psychotic abusive family of his.

Oh, how you hated them.

The idea that someone couldn't see how wonderful Sirius was and not only that but also the fact that they actively went out of their ways to send him hate and harmful letters even when he was far away and had cut any connections with them?

Fucking absurd.

Sighing, you walked to his bed and quickly stepped out of your shoes before lying next to him. "Do you want to talk about it?" you almost whispered.

Propping you heard on your hand, you gently moved away some of his curls away from his face. He was still not looking at you but he softly shook his head at your question.

Okay, you thought.

You lowered your hand to his face so that your fingers could start tracing his beautiful face. Leaving a small kiss on his temple, you reached out so that your arm was around him. Your kisses slowly moved all over his face. His other temple first, then his forehead. His nose. His cheeks. When it came to his lips, you stopped and just hovered over them.

Gently turning his face to yours, you waited for his eyes to meet yours before speaking. "They don't know the real you, my love."

If only he could see himself the way you saw him. If only he could see how false his family's words were.

"Everything they say is a blatant lie because they do not know you"- emphasis on not - "because if they did, the would agree with me."

The sadness and the hurt in his eyes were so evident that you had to fought tears back. You knew that this was something he had to face on his own and that your words were just that - words. Almost useless. But you had to do something and if there was even the tiniest chance that he'd actually listen to you then you'd try anyway.

"And you know what I think?" you smiled softly at him, your fingers trailing over his bottom lip, "I think that you're amazing. Precious even."

You were sure this was going to come back to bite you in the ass when he was feeling better. Merlin knows how Sirius' ego doesn't need to be stroked. At least, in public, that's how he behaved. But you knew him. You were lucky enough that he had let you in and showed you this side of him that no one knew existed outside his close circle.

He didn't say anything but his eyes didn't move from yours so you took it as a sign to keep going.

"There's no one out there who is so effortlessly brilliant like you are, my love." Leaning back a little from his face, you put some space between you after leaving the smallest of kisses on his lips."And I know for a fact that there is no one out there who cares about others like you do." Emphasizing with your eyes the "no one" part, you were able to coax the faintest of smiles for him.

You had noticed that your weird facial expressions amused him and apparently they worked in these situations too.

"Do you know why I call you sunshine?" You continued, a smile still on your face but your tone more solemn. You had a feeling that it was something he had wondered about since the most obvious choice would have been finding a nickname related to stars. And you knew how much Sirius was interested and fascinated by them.

"Yes, you're named after a star but I don't think it really matches your personality. See? Another proof that they don't know you at all." You lean back to sit on your feet.

"People don't notice stars unless they look up at the sky." Taking one of his hands in yours, you start playing with his fingers. "But you, my love? It would be impossible not to notice you, Sirius." Leaving a kiss on his palm, you intertwine your fingers and hold his hand close to your chest right where your heart is.

"You shine bright like the sun, making everyone around you aware of your presence. And yes, sometimes it can be annoying, but you know what?" At this, his smile grew a little knowing that what you were saying was more than true. Everyone knew that Sirius could also be spelt annoying on most days, especially during class. He got bored easily since he didn't need to study as much as everyone else to understand a concept. Thus, making it his mission to make someone do something with him that isn't studying.

"Everyone misses the sun when it's gone and never tire of it when it's there." Squeezing the hand you were holding, you hoped to have helped a little. Maybe you did, or maybe you didn't but all your efforts were rewarded when Sirius smiled at you. This time he gave you a real smile. As a consequence, yours got bigger.

Letting his hand go, you cradled his face in your hands and gently pulled him to you until your noses were touching. His hands, in turn, moved on your hips and used them to pull you to him as well so that you were now straddling him.

"Come here, you big sap." And pulled you even closer to him so that his face was now in the crook of your neck, his breath tickled your skin. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders in a tight embrace. Oh, how much you loved this boy.

"Only for you, my sunshine."

[takenyoomies]

Operation Pancakes

Title - Operation Pancakes

Summary - Chifuyu's plans don't have the best track record for working, so when Chifuyu plans to steal Kazutora's unlimited pancake stack at Danny's...All Baji can think is "This can't possibly work."

Tags - Food, some swearing, Takemichi slander, Chifuyu has some bad ideas, Tokyo Revengers spoilers, Alternate Universe, mild OOCness, Sassy Kazutora bc he's hungry, shrek jokes

Characters - Baji, Chifuyu, Kazutora, Takemichi(mentioned), Mucho(mentioned), Kokonoi(mentioned)

READ ON AO3

“You’re sure this is going to work?” Baji asked halfheartedly, tilting his head to meet the gaze of the dirty blonde who seemed to glare back at him incredulously.

“Of course, it’ll work. When haven’t my plans worked?” Chifuyu huffed back, picking up the pace in his step to walk in line with the dark-haired teen. Baji let out a small laugh, “Remember the time you told Takemichi to replace Mucho’s protein powder with Nesquick because he was jealous? And he found out almost instantly?”

“Okay, that was once.”

“And then time Takemichi wanted backup when confronting Koko about taking his lunch money, and you stood in the bushes with a notebook that said ‘COURAGE’ all while Takemichi was sobbing his eyes out and Koko laughed his ass off.”

“IT DID NOT HAPPEN LIKE THA- wait, you know about that?”

“Everyone knows about that, Chifuyu.”

“Okay, well, those are just two things.”

“And please, let us not forget the time where you told me we could make yakisoba in the coffee maker. MAY BOTH MY COFFEE MAKER AND THE YAKISOBA REST IN PEACE.”

“…I blame Buzzfeed Japan.”

It was established at this point, the plan they were about to pull off was high stakes. Stealing Kazutora’s unlimited pancakes at Danny’s was going to be the heist of the century.

---x---

The electronic bell chimed to the door as both Baji and Chifuyu entered Danny’s, both walking towards the back of the restaurant to find the dark-haired boy sitting in the booth, outstretched. In a way, he looked like a cat, but the moment he saw them, it was an onslaught of criticism.

“I thought we said five?”

“Baji-san and I needed to stop and get a drink somewhere before heading over!” A lie, they were planning the entire time. The long dark-haired boy’s eyes narrowed, suspecting something but not willing to deal with it due to hangriness.

“Whatever, just sit down and order.” Kazutora sighed out, rubbing his temples with his thumb and forefinger, “You guys really need to work on punctuality.” He reached over and pressed the button on the table to call over a waitress.

Baji and Chifuyu looked at one another before bursting out laughing. “Geez, Kazu, something crawl up your ass?” Baji said as he slid into Kazutora’s side of the booth, purposefully pushing the other teen’s legs off with a loud thud.

“No, it’s just you do this to me every time we hang out, and I’m actually starving!” Kazutora complained to Baji, gesturing with his hands over to the water glass, “Do you know how many times they came over and refilled this?”

“How many?”

“4!”

Chifuyu snorted as he slid into the other side of the booth, “Did they ask you if you got stood up too?”

“No, but I’m sure they were considering it judging by how late you were,” Kazutora replied with a sigh.

A waitress walked over, looking slightly nervous at the group, “I see your friends have finally joined you!” She said in a slightly nervous voice, “Are you ready to order?”

“Yes, I’ll have the Danny’s Unlimited Pancakes and a Fanta,” Kazutora said, pointing to the picture on the menu for her.

“And for you?” She asked Baji, her eyes seeming to catch on his amused expression.

“I’ll wait a bit to order, but I’ll have a Cola to start!” He said with a toothy grin, causing the waitress to blush a bit.

“Right, and what would you like?” She asked as she turned to Chifuyu, who had been studying the menu a bit.

“I think I’ll just have a hot chocolate, for now, thanks.” He replied, closing the menu and setting it to the side.

“I’ll have everything out shortly. If you’d like to order anything else, please press the button on the table, and I’ll be right over.” The waitress said before heading over to the computer to enter their orders in.

“Aren’t you guys hungry? I thought the plan was we weren’t going to eat lunch today, so we would actually be hungry?” Kazutora questioned, looking at Chifuyu, who was scrolling at his phone.

“Baji-san forgot and bought way too many yakisoba breads at lunch today and made me eat half of them.” Chifuyu breathed out, knowing Kazutora would not be pleased.

“How many is half?”

“3.”

“Baji, what the fuck.”

“They were half price Kazu!” Baji groaned as the dark-haired teen elbowed him in the side, “I thought it was a great deal, and the ladies at the school store charmed me!”

“You’re unbelievable.” Kazutora muttered in irritation, “Chifuyu, I don’t know how you deal with this daily.”

“Believe me, I don’t either,” Chifuyu replied in an exasperated tone.

“I’m right here, you know?” Baji said as a matter of fact.

“Here are your drinks, have the two of you decided upon anything?” The waitress asked as she placed their drinks down.

“Not yet, thanks though,” Baji replied, gingerly taking the tip of his straw off before shooting the paper at Chifuyu.

Chifuyu stared at him before reaching over the table and grabbing Kazutora’s straw, and repeating the same motions as Baji.

“Hey!” Kazutora yelled in complaint and attempted to reach Chifuyu before he put his mouth on the straw. Chifuyu blew on the straw, only for the paper to go nowhere, as the paper was a dud.

Baji howled in laughter, pointing while holding his side with the other arm, “Serves you right!”

“I regret suggesting this hang out. I can’t take either of you anywhere,” Kazutora said as he snatched the straw from Chifuyu’s hands and stuck it into his Fanta.

“Ooooh~ That’s an indirect kiss!” Baji jested before groaning in pain, Kazutora’s foot silencing the teasing as it stomped down onto the long-haired teen’s.

Chifuyu lifted the mug of hot chocolate to his lips and sipped the warm liquid as the chaotic scene played out in front of him. The main event had yet to play out.

“Alright, here’s your Unlimited Pancakes. Please press the bell when you’d like another stack.” The waitress said before walking back to her station.

The pancakes looked immaculate as they gave off a small amount of steam and a gentle aroma. Danny’s made some absolutely fire pancakes for a chain diner, and both Chifuyu and Baji knew that.

“You guys are drooling. I hope you know that,” Kazutora said in an annoyed tone, sliding the platter towards himself as he reached for the syrup with his other hand.

“Kazu, when was the last time you washed your hands?” Baji asked inquisitively, taking a sip from his cola as his eyes watched the other haphazardly pour syrup onto the stack of bready goodness.

“...I don’t know?” Kazutora replied as he picked up his fork, about to stab the cakes, “I guess I should wash them.”

“Probably, there’s been a weird stomach bug going around the group. Takemichi has been puking everywhere,” Chifuyu added.

“It would be Takemichi.” Kazutora sighed out, pushing Baji, “Move, you overgrown ogre.”

“Rude!” Baji replied as he moved out onto the aisle for Kazutora to sneak past, “Ogres have feelings, you know Kazu! We’ve watched Shrek enough times for you to know that!”

“Yeah yeah, don’t make me demote you to Donkey,” Kazutora said as he waved his hand back at Baji, Chifuyu snickering to himself as he slid the plate of pancakes over to himself.

“Like candy from a baby.”

“Evil doesn’t suit you, Chifuyu.”