#hb:l analysis

[zyafics]

i lowkey wonder how ward or even sarah feels about the loss..did rafe even tell them??

ward: i would imagine rafe wouldn't want to tell him, until it comes out as an angry outburst. maybe after the breakup, where ward made a snide comment about how reader hasn't been with rafe. in that moment, ward would've not said anything. i don't think he'll comfort rafe, but he wouldn't say anything else about the loss.

sarah: i think it brings back uncomfortable feelings when she hears from rafe. like, she wonders about her own child and whatnot. i wanted to use this to explore how sarah slowly chips away at ward's indoctrination and slowly comes to terms with the fact that she doesn't know if having her abortion was her choice. rafe and sarah would've gotten closer. and sarah would've reach out to reader. and it would've closed her arc, but i already had so many plots i didn't want to add another.

[zyafics]

‘the last voice message’ 🥹 wifey in her healing era we love to see it

yes! the voice messages are symbolic of her mistrust for rafe! grant told her to use them so she has "recordings" aka evidence of what's happening with rafe. but now, given that that recording is the last one, it means she has complete trust in rafe! she doesn't need the vms anymore to navigate 🥹

[zyafics]

i feel like heartbreak live has caused a resurgence in social media au’s WE THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE

i lowkey think hb:l caused a new era of smaus too 😭 truly was not my intention, but i'm so appreciative of every new smaus!! i be eating it tf up!!

[zyafics]

His “I wish we could go back to normal” definitely triggered her bc the context can also mean, without him even thinking, “I wish we could go back to before you were pregnant” right? Right right and theeeeen, what if it’s that he said that to her as well back then, so it’s a double trigger of him stupidly saying (even if not intending to) he wishes she never got pregnant/had the baby 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

oh my god, YES how the fuck did u get that

[zyafics]

How do people have the audacity to complain about trigger warnings despite you mentioning them wherever relevant

Like it's not zya's fault you slipped over it

genuinely, theres only so much general warnings i can give out before i’m basically going into their dms, and personally reminding them that the next chapter will have sensitive content.

people skipping the trigger warnings in each chapter based on the assumption that triggers haven’t changed—when the direction of the story has—isn’t my responsibility.

ur media consumption is your responsibility.

[zyafics]

you did it again. @murdockcastleslut and @kimoralov3 and i are baffled. lives changed. brain chemistry altered forever

IS THAT A FUCKING DISCORD FOR HB:L⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️

ohmygod i adore everyone freaking out together 😭

[zyafics]

great now i know if i was in reader's situation, i'd question rafe's love until i die. bc now she's "normal" and he wants her so it'll always feel like he wants this. he really REALLY meant that when he said he wished things would go back to normal. because probably (since we don't know what's gonna happen in the next chapter) she dealt with all those pain for some time without him and when she finally started to become herself again, rafe's trying to win her back.

precisely. you're picking up the subtext and applying it to the greater context!! not only was those words a trigger (the literal start to their breakup) but it's the idea of him wanting 'normal' after everything that happened, when there's a good chance that it's not possible. and now, the 'illusion' (i can't think of a better word in english) is broken in the present timeline, she's adamant about protecting herself because she only sees rafe wanting her when she's 'good'—not the 'bad'

[zyafics]

girl im still confused about the housing though if it's just for people with kids and married couples tf she got it 😭 unless they made an exception for her with like her therapist note telling her she needed a place where she could have a pet since it was part of the process for her to get better

i accepted that baby is not alive and im breaking my own heart but it's fine 😭 i was team baby since forever soooo let me dwell now i was in BIG DENIAL

part 48 and another part i can't find, but basically, in pt48, the google search said that apartments can be given to those with "personal hardships" that excludes marriage and students with children. additionally, she was talking to rafe (in one of the older post) about how they should look for apartment and she mentioned something along that similar line!

no, adriana, when i tell u considered heavily to have reader have that baby, but decided to stick to my original outline!

[zyafics]

been mourning hb:l a little and about to re-read, buttt just before i do, i was wanted to ask how rafe came into contact with his mum and what it's like when her and reader meet, if they do. thank you again for this incredible series and looking forward to what you create this year. happy new year z, hope you continue to make many more incredible memories

right around his birthday when barry sent him the odsessy11 file! that was when he recognized an issue of his and reader's relationship was the financial stress caused by his dad, so he knew he wanted to contact his mother to get more information about how she handled it. there were little clues to that throughout the series—from an article about a dropout alumni appearing on campus to talk about family, from cleo mentioning that she's analyzing homer and their themes of reconnection, and rafe contacting the law firm which is odysseus' last name!—so yeah!

rafe would give his mom a bit of an explanation of his appearance, especially regarding his situation with reader, so when she meets reader for the first time, the first thing his mom does is hug her! especially knowing what she been through. originally, reader's parents were not gonna be supportive and this was gonna be the first time she has someone who treats her with respect regarding her pregnancy.

also, thank you so much! i appreciate u so much, especially bc i look forward to seeing ur comments and reblogs on hb:l, so thank u for being in 2024 with me! happy new year to u as well!

[zyafics]

I just remembered that one conversation rafe had with cleo right before they broke up that she never asked about, I mean it's not relevant right now BUT my brain brought it back right now after their little interaction

i think about that conversation too. i mean, the desperation, the absolute despair for rafe to go to someone who is outside his own circle (literally barry and sarah) just demonstrates how much he loves her. on top of that, that conversation serves two purposes: shows how much rafe loves reader but also shows cleo how much he loves her. that’s why cleo, in the present timeline, told reader “he really loves u,” because she’s seen it firsthand!!

also l, it built their mutual respect for each other. because at the end of the day they both care about reader. so, i’d imagine at first cleo is snappy to rafe but after rafe tells her the entire situation she tries to offer him real, genuine advices. it just didn’t work as well as they hoped 💔

[zyafics]

literally me right now after reading chapter 62…

(respectfully of course)

GAWDDDD EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS CHAPTER WAS PAINNNN PLZZZ😩i can’t get over how you literally only use graphics and use all these creative ways to write a story without having to rid like a ‘normal’ fic if you get what i mean??? like its so impressive that i can’t picture all these interactions going down perfectly with how you portray them, seriously obsessed with this series and your writing😭😭🫶🏼

no no but also the NOTE??? THAT SAYS ADDED TODAY??? HELPPPP I CANT BREATHEEE LIKE I GET WHY IT HAPPENED AND I SEE BOTH SIDES HIGHKEY BUT UGHHHH IT DOESNT MAKE IT ANY LESS SAD😭😭😩😩

i warned you guys, these upcoming parts r just pain especially because we're trying to uncover why everything unraveled 😭 but thank you so much for the kind words!! i tried my literal best to translate the emotions they're feeling without using too much signalling and cues, because at the end of the day, smau leaves room for readers' interpretation!

but YES!! the notes being added today!! it's cruel how reader puts herself through that 😭 and i love that you can see both sides!! that's the best thing i can hope for as a writer!!!

[zyafics]

https://www.tumblr.com/zyafics/769152065778925568/i-just-adore-readers-beautiful-heart-because-if-i

this !!! like omg and she spent so much time trying to talk to him and get him to talk to her and he was being distant and avoiding her but now wants to beg her like pls be so serious

u guys truly get it 🙂‍↕️ i think it's funny because im writing pt61 (or at least, i was outlining pt61) and i was like "they're gonna think reader's in the wrong now," but now u guys r here analyzing the larger contextual meaning—ooo i love u

[zyafics]

HERES MY PREDICTION: we find out emmy’s sick, reader tells rafe/ falls into a spiral and rafe steps up and redeems himself and is there for her in the ways she needed him the first time (he’s there for the death of emmy 2 this time)

sent in dec 19

this was absolutely the plan. when i tell u emmy was planned as a plot device to demonstrate rafe's growth in responding to reader after a tragedy and this would've been how i done it. this was the outline. however, after talking with aliyah and nat, i decided to scrape it and allowed emmy to live.

[zyafics]

i feel like rafes just been in “go mode” since he went to the hospital and only focusing on reader, does he even grieve the loss of his baby

nope! u can see it in his notes.

in this specific one, i enscapulated his emotions but giving him broken sentences. "i don't" "it's" "something" because he truly couldn't articulate what he's feeling and would rather focus on elsewhere—aka, reader. for him, he refuses to acknowledge his own grief—specifically when he's like "whatever. it doesn't matter" because he keeps minimizing himself in the grand scheme of things!

[zyafics]

me neither rafe, i dont understand too😭

okokok wait! let me explain

when rafe is referencing to "normal," he's alluding to a time before the miscarriage and before the pregnancy. he means good, but the way he alludes to it, it makes it seem like he's just waiting for reader to pass this grief rather than recognizing that it'll be something with her forever. so, when she's asking him if he can be okay with her not being "normal," and being the person she is (aka, with grief) and he hesitates. he doesn't understand why it hurts her. because how reader sees it is that this miscarriage fundamentally altered her life. it shifted into a direction she never expected herself to be (aka, emotional, hurt, feeling loss, etc), and she doesn't know if she can just go back from it. rafe's inability to accept that reader might be this way—forever—hurts her because it implies that he doesn't want her if it's the bad-and-the-good. only the good. aka "normal." does that make sense?

[zyafics]

Okay but yall be real if your partner was that depressed (i would Call it that idk what others might) would you not deep Down wish for Them to get better and WANT The “normal Them”? Cause i feel like yall are hating on rafe for this but if my partner was like that i wouldent Think “i dont WANT Them normal again” i Think WHEN something like this happens its for rafe not only greiving his daughter but also what there was od reader if that makes sense? Like he wants her to get better and WHEN shes saying how she might be like that forever heś thinking heś gonna be in that constant grief of what there once was forever?…obviously thats hard to swallow and then WHEN he needs a few seconds to Think sudenly HES hesitating and The relationship is just….over?

i think this is a great point! both reader and rafe were speaking but they weren't effectively communicating their points across to one another, and it came off as another reason. rafe seeing her saying that she might be this forever (and him seeing it as a constant state of grief) is a great interpretation! while for reader, she hearing rafe's hesitation as a sign that he can't completely love this person she might be because of the miscarriage. it's a lot of overlap and lack of understanding of one another!

but i actually enjoyed how u see rafe's pov