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loopy777 · 4 years ago

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RE: WIPs game: do I even want to know what Dicebenders is is it another scam how many times are the Gaang gonna get arrested for scamming

No, this time it's me scamming people. XD The dice in question are the RPG Dungeons & Dragons kind.

For a while I was doing a screencap webcomic in the style of "DM of the Rings" and "Darths & Droids" with another creative fan named Captain Boomerang. I was the scriptwriter and selected the screenshots for each panel, and Capt-BA would assemble the comics and improve my scripts (a process that did frustrate me a little, as I felt locked out of the revision process, but I did like the results. I just felt like I wasn't holding up my end of the partnership a bit). I wrote a story bible explaining the characters and storytelling rules, planned out the adaptation of the entire AtLA premiere, and had less detailed plans for the rest of the series, but we only got 6 comics in before Capt-BA went on a trip and never returned to the internet. I did manage to re-establish contact with her long enough to get permission to continue the comic, but the problem is that I have no image-editing skills whatsoever.

If I could find comic-making software that I know would do what I want and be easy to use, I wouldn't mind dropping some money on it, but everything I've looked at is trying to do lots of things I don't need. I only want a way to import existing pictures into comic grids, and then easily add dialogue bubbles. That's it. But the stuff I've found is more about image-editing than comic assembly, and it takes me an hour to put together a dialogue bubble that looks good. So I have 3 scripts that were never produced, which along with the planning docs are what's in that WIP folder, and I don't ever see myself going beyond that.

Besides, someone else already managed to complete something like this, and while I'm not a fan, I don't need to be. At this point, Dicebenders is dead. I'm glad I tried it, and it's a shame it didn't work out, but I'm happy with the other projects I've done instead.

I am squatting on an empty Tumblr for it, though.

Anyway, to share something new, here's the first section of the Story Bible I wrote to make sure Capt-BA and I were on the same page in terms of characterization. The rest of the bible details the plotlines for full series.

AVATAR: THE LAST DICEBENDER

BIBLE

Premise- A small group of players attempt to run a fantasy martial arts RPG that winds up essentially becoming the Avatar saga, or something very close. The main point of the series is comedy, based mostly on ridiculous links between Avatar and RPG's. Sometimes the humor will be in the vast difference between what happens in the comic, and what happens in the cartoon with the same screenshots. Other times, the funny will come from the unexpected ways they converge.

SPIRITUAL PREDECESSORS

DM of the Rings- The original, and my personal favorite. It's a good showcase of how to run a single quest together, while using narrative jumps to skip to the good bits.

Darths & Droids- A similar project, this stands out from its predecessor in two main ways. The players and GM are more friendly with each other, and are more or less having fun with each other. There is also a running, coherent storyline in both the game and in the lives of the players.

Benders & Brawlers- This is actually an existing attempt to do Darths & Droids with Avatar. This is helpful as an example of what we DON'T want to do, retell the Avatar story in a completely straightforward manner, with RPG players behind the characters.

CHARACTERS

None of the characters will be given real names. The players shall always be referred to by their character names, although this can be done in a teasing, ironic manner. When the characters are speaking, their dialogue bubble must always be attached to an image of the character.

The Gamemaster- The GM is a female in her early teens. She is a geek, and a bit of a social outcast for it. Nevertheless, she's trying to make that work for her, although she's not quite mature enough to make it happen yet. She has just discovered RPG's, and in her enthusiasm has gone all out in starting her own campaign. The only problem is that she doesn't know how to recruit players, so she ropes her best friend and little brother into playing with her. This is the GM's first campaign, so she'll a little in over her head. She knows the mechanics of play, and what she's supposed to be doing as GM, but doesn't have the fine skill in crafting an engaging RPG experience. Still, she wants to do her best, is willing to learn, and has a positive attitude about the whole thing. The GM has a strong crush on the Sokka player, but the only way she can express it is by having all the female NPC's flirt with the Sokka character.

Katara- Female in early teens, and the GM's best friend. Katara's player was friends with the GM from when they were both in grammar school, so while they have grown up into wildly different personality types, they are fully loyal to each other. Katara is popular, and outgoing, and doesn't care or know about geek stuff at all. She's only playing the game because the GM begged her to. At first, Katara is clueless about RPG's, and frequently questions or ridicules the mechanics of the game. She never quite gets into the idea of role-playing, but quickly takes to the idea of meta-gaming. She'll have her character act like a righteous do-gooder, because completing missions and fighting bad guys earns XP. She hoards items that will boost her stats. She'll advocate abandoning a mission/plot if it doesn't pay out enough rewards. Katara's player also can tend towards trying to Mary Sue her character, but this is inconsistent and usually shot down by everyone else.

Aang- Male in junior high, and the GM's little brother. He plays simply because his sister has cajoled him into it, and there are hints that he's getting some kind of reward or payment for it. He abuses his position by forcing the GM to give him what he wants in the game, even if it breaks the rules- access to the restricted Airbender class, the ability to bend all four elements, overloaded stats, an Avatar State that protects him from dying, a magic super flying cow ride, etc. However, it's important to note that Aang's player isn't a jerk. He's just immature, and like all kids, just always goes for what he wants via the easiest path, and doesn't realize that he may be causing trouble or hurting feelings. He's enthusiastic about trying out this RPG thing, but he has trouble coming up with any action beyond attacking or retreating. He's also hyper aware that the GM and Katara are girls. He is too old for cootie concerns, but thinks that girls are fundamentally different creatures with their own incomprehensible concerns. Having a big sister, he doesn't find this a big deal, just part of life. Aang's player is too young to be a geek. He likes cartoons and sports and fantasy and school-dramas. He also tends to follow whatever his sister likes.

Sokka- Male in late teens. This guy is your quintessential RPG player. He has is own top-quality dice, he's played campaigns and systems of all kinds, and knows the tropes of the hobby cold. He's a huge geek for all things geeky, but roleplay is easily his favorite. He's a social outcast, but he's made friends among his fellow geeks, and thinks life is just fine. Sokka's player joins when he meets the GM at the comic/games shop they both frequent. The GM was buying some sourcebooks and material to support the fantasy martial arts game she's running, and Sokka noticed, asked about it, liked what he heard, and got permission to join the game. What Sokka doesn't realize, because he is a geek and neither has experience with it or realizes it's even possible, is that the GM is sweet on him. This manifests in the character Sokka's canon luck with the ladies, only kicked up a notch. *Every single* female NPC flirts with him, whether it's appropriate or not. Sometimes player Sokka notices and tries to roleplay it, and sometimes he's just plain confused. Sokka has a few quirks. His best set of dice are his Lucky Red Dice, which always roll high when he needs it, but have been tested and proven to be fair dice. He also mandates that every character he plays use a boomerang; he was turned into a geek by the first video game he ever played, a Legend of Zelda title, and his favorite weapon from those games are the boomerang. Each of his characters has a unique, named boomerang.

Zuko- The GM's favorite NPC. She created him to be a compelling, dramatic character, with a complicated back story, moral struggles, badass loner personality, angst about his existence, a darkly noble quality, and a cool scar. The GM intended Katara to get to know Zuko, for her to try to woo him away from the side of evil, and perhaps to even have a romance with him. The PC's, however, couldn't care less about him. To them, he's just another mini-boss, and the fact that most of his character development is happening "off screen" means they don't realize that he's recruitable. A frequent gag is Zuko delivering a stirring monologue while no one pays attention.

Iroh- Background NPC. The GM tries to use him to give (ignored) hints to the players.

Toph- (tentative) A male munchkin gamer who picked a long list of weaknesses in order to get superbending. Toph's player is a friend of Sokka's player, brought in after an "incident" with his old group, and causes some initial resentment in the group when tries to show the n00bs how its done. Cowing Toph's player is a major victory for the GM.

Momo- NPC, but maybe make him a talking sidekick who gives the players hints when the GM is really exasperated?

Azula- the GM's best favorite villain. Azula is the GM unleashed, letting her take out frustrations on the players in both combat and harsh taunting. Eventually the GM comes to like the character so much, she retcons mental health issues into the character's backstory, and has her pet NPC, Zuko, spare her.

#dicbender #avatarpg

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ridetherain · 4 years ago

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Febuwhump Day 7

Febuwhump Day 7: Poisoning

Rating: G

Words: 2379

Fandom: Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild

Poisoned

After pulling the Master Sword, Link found his life much changed. Moving to the barracks within Castle Town felt similar to his regular soldier quarters in Hateno Garrison, but the city was very different. His old garrison was some distance from the nearest towns, and any mischief stirred up by soldiers was unlikely to be discovered by the public. The ruckus and gambling antics kicked up by the uncouth soldiers were generally ignored. In contrast, people of all kings surrounded the castle barracks. The city folk viewed the soldier's training as a sort of entertainment. The practice yard always had a crowd which kept the soldiers relatively on-task with their training and exercise. Families came with their unruly children and let them mimic the soldiers, and the servants used the area as a breakroom. Occasionally, the captains would lead an exercise for the older boys as a pre-recruitment opportunity. Young women were always around during these sessions as it was their best opportunity to flirt with the soldiers in training. The nobles weren't immune to the fervor surrounding the training yard either. They tended to stop on a walkway and gaze down at the warriors before turning and bustling away whenever another noble happened across the same path.

Several times, in the heat of midday, the Princess even paused on the noble walkway. She gazed down at the orderly sea of soldiers and knights from high above like an angel looking down from the heavens. The men were not unaware of her presence; they worked harder in her view, the ones sparing took more risks, and the ones running moved faster - even Link found himself striking his dummy harder and transitioning between attacks quicker. The air was thick with tension in the yard, and it only broke when the Princess turned her back and continued into the castle. It seemed that the whole company exhaled when the doors closed behind her form. Whispers broke out all around whenever she disappeared from view.

"...the goddess..."

"...Hylia on earth.."

"...beautiful..."

That was another difference between Hateno and Castle Town. Everyone in Castle Town was devout in their piety to the Goddess Hylia. They recognized the old goddesses but did not worship them any longer. Only Hylia filled the hearts of the people here and all others were cast aside. Pockets of the old faith lived in the people around rural Hyrule, and Link himself was raised to know and love the Goddess Hylia in addition to the old goddesses. The Goddess Farore oversaw his birth in the spring, so he worshiped her above all others. She was the patron of his birth, the land he was raised on in Faron, and, now that he pulled the Sacred Sword, patron of his Courage. Link's worship was not widely known but, it would likely cause a stir even without the added interest as Hylia's Chosen. The people of Castle Town were fascinated by the Spirit of the Hero. The children would look from face to face in the crowd of soldiers trying to discern which sweaty body belonged to Hylia's favorite. Their eyes would skip over him and hesitate on the tall and the bulky. It was welcome at first but insidiously worked in Link's subconscious. Why was he chosen? A bigger man, a more devout one, or a more charismatic one would be better than him.

They were used to seeing Hylia on earth when they looked at their Princess. It alarmed them that the Chosen was among them, but hidden. When Link wasn't training in the yard he was put to work as a royal guard. Despite the name, he generally spent his time guarding High Priest Volk instead of the royal family. Volk's fervor for Hylia was off-putting to nearly everyone around him which made him a prime target for pranks but not real attacks. He berated everyone for their failure to observe their devotions to the Goddess to his satisfaction while simultaneously shirking every tenant that he didn't personally agree with. Even the King was not safe from his admonishments though he was kinder about it with the monarch. The Princess took the brunt of his ire and could be seen standing steadfast as he accused the vilest concoctions his mind could invent. She was less than her mother, too frivolous for the Goddess's favor, not pertinacious enough to convince anyone of her worthiness, too emotional for wisdom. The list went on, and the Priest never relented even when the Princess stood before him with a straight back, clasped hands, and a wet face. She endured all manner of physical torments at the behest of the horrid man as well. He would dump buckets of water on the floor to simulate the sacred springs and order days of fasting for her to keep vigil in the temple without rest. When he ran out of steam he would send the Princess to the statue of the Goddess to pray alone while he preached to those who witnessed his tirades.

Volk spared Link his attitude for the first week of guard duty. The Priest seemed to find him lacking but kept quiet since he bore a physical reminder of the Goddess's favor on his back. He was spared, that is, until the Priest caught sight of a wooden talisman sewen to the inside of his tabard. The circular charm was fashioned in the shape of the Mark of Farore and the High Priest nearly fainted at the sight.

"What is that!" He cried in genuine fear. "You are the chosen of Hylia, why do you wear that blasphemous symbol?"

Link looked down at his tabard and back up at the Priest. The Mark was barely visible and pressed to the inside of his uniform. It was a wonder that the Volk had noticed it at all much less recognize the shape for what it was.

"You must remove that device at once," Volk ordered, "It is an affront to decency for Hylia's chosen to wear the device of a different goddess. We do not worship Farore in Hyrule, Master Hero, you cannot think to dishonor yourself with this blasphemy."

The High Priest of Hylia seemed to think that was enough of a rebuke to end a lifetime of devotion. He turned on his heel and walked back into the Temple to begin a new sermon. Link followed behind and stood guard while listening to the lecture on the evils of straying from Hylia and the depraved practices of those who loved Farore. He seemed to think that Link was planning to ritually sacrifice half of Castle Town and then eat the remains. At best, the ignorance was obviously false, at worst, it was actively demonizing Link's family and friends in Faron. By the time Volk was suggesting that the Princess's powers were locked away until such time as the country turned from "false deities" Link was seething behind his blank poker face. When he suggested a quick remedy of shifting the line of succession to a cousin Link was forced to turn his back on the priest under the pretense of facing the statue of Hylia. The Princess still knelt in the damp on the floor in obeisance to an unmoved Goddess. Several days of standing the nave while High Priest Volk made oblique references to Link's "barbaric" worship of Farore and Farosh gave Link all the practice he needed in keeping a straight face and his mouth shut. The vitriol became commonplace and Volk never escalated beyond preaching. Link was not required to like his charge so he stood at attention and let the words wash over him. The common people didn't know about this war of words and silence between the two men. A fervor began to take hold of the community, who believed the High Priest's sudden interest in the old goddesses was in response to a demand from Hylia herself. Volk was revered more than ever now that the people believed that Hylia spoke to him directly.

So, it was odd a few weeks later when Link was nearly done with his shift and saw that nearly no one showed up for the last service of the day. The temple was clear of the usual devotees, and the High Priest looked harried. Link was immediately on his guard, nothing was out of place, there was no suspicious activity or person, but the air felt different. His instincts screamed at him to return to the castle where a whole army was in residence.

"My lord, High Priest," Link said in a low voice, "I believe we should return to the castle. I am concerned that the congregation has not appeared. It is unusual, and I believe you can observe the required rituals from the chapel."

"No." Volk said crisply, "You do not understand the importance of this worship. Since few are here, come closer and observe the practice fully. I insist."

Link ground his teeth together. He could force the priest to return to the castle. He was allowed to force his charge to observe any safety requirements as he saw fit. But should Volk take offense, then he could retaliate. He could make Link's worship of Farore public, which would turn the citizens and possibly the royal family against him. Volk's followers could be convinced to turn their back on not only Link but also the Princess and the prophecy. It was better to get his consent.

"I worship Hylia daily, sir. I am familiar with the forms and I am certain they can be performed in the chapel. I would prefer your safety is assured."

Volk gave a pretentious sniff but bowed to Link's experience. They hurried together back to the castle and found a mob at the gate. They were shouting incomprehensively and pushing against each other, all trying to get as close to the closed doors as possible. Nervous-looking sentries stood guard on top of the wall looking down at the people. Link pulled the Priest to a side door before anyone could recognize either one of them. The sconces were unlit, and the hallway was dark. The stone floors didn't have any carpeting, and the bare walls left the enclosed space chilly.

"Apologies, my Lord." Link said in an undertone, "We will need to cross through the servant's quarters to avoid the throng. Please wait here while I ensure that none of the crowd has entered as we did."

"I want a second guard starting tomorrow," The Priest returned, too loudly, "This is unacceptable."

To keep from rolling his eyes, Link scouted the corridor, and found no unusual people wandering the halls. Several rooms were occupied by castle staff, of course.

"...poison they said..."

"...too late..."

The stable boys were gossiping in their rooms. Link tried to ignore their words until he had a chance to get some real information. He returned for Volk and led him through the maze of corridors until they reached a better lit hall, and Volk seemed to recognize where he was. He took the lead and led Link in the wrong direction for the chapel. They were following a direct path to the royal quarters and from there to the council room. Link took a step inside, did a sweep of the room, then stepped out and nodded to Volk before taking his place outside the door. Other council members trickled in over the next hour until the King arrived, and an impromptu session began. Relief guards arrived when Link's eyes started to blink more frequently, and his stomach rumbled ominously. He quickly made his way to food and information.

The mess hall was packed with the day-shift guards and the afternoon patrol which was apparently pulled in early. Link found a table with the Court Poet, Shant, and a young knight, Zain, who Link found to be restful company and good for local recommendations since he grew up in Castle Town.

"Zain," Link said in greeting. Zain nodded his welcome and moved his tray slightly as an invitation to sit.

"What's going on?" Link asked in a low voice. Despite the press of people, it wasn't loud in the hall. Everyone looked over their shoulders and whispered in hushed voices to their friends.

"The Princess," Zain said, "She's in the infirmary, and they've locked down the castle. Closed the gates and whisked the King off someplace. They say she's been murdered, and the King is dying as well."

Link's heart clenched. This was a disaster. With Ganon on the way and no royal family left they would be sitting ducks. But, he had seen the King not long ago. They couldn't have taken him out of the council room without Link noticing.

"The King is fine. I saw him enter the council room midafternoon, and he was still there when I was relieved a few minutes ago."

"The Princess is alive but unwell," Put in Shant, "I saw her to the infirmary. The doctor said something about silencing a princess, so it must be malicious. I'd guess poison."

Link tuned them out. This Princess was a magnet for danger. It must have been horribly difficult for her to be poisoned right now since the High Priest was restricting her to a cruel fasting regime. There simply wasn't enough opportunity with fewer meals sent to the Princess every day. Unless... Volk clearly was not pleased with the Goddess's chosen duo. The Princess was powerless, and he had made his opposition to Link very clear over the past few weeks. The common people believed the Princess to be the Goddess. It was only the nobility that thought of the Princess as someone replaceable. It was only Volk who policed the Princess's food.

Link couldn't accuse Volk outright. He didn't have enough clout in court. And Volk knew about his Faronian roots, which could turn the King against him. He needed evidence. The spirit of the hero within him screamed for the threat to his Zelda's life to be removed. He would find the proof... After he found an excuse to visit her in the infirmary. She didn't really know him but he needed to see with his own eyes that she lived. She was his to protect.

#febuwhump #febuwhumpday7 #loz botw #loz #botw #rainworks

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mrneighbourlove · 5 years ago

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The Rising Sun: Ch 4. Uncertain Future

A month had passed and Malik’s town was finally in its final phase. Elite guards had been trained to protect the city, and a trading system with men had been set up. If you weren’t a Gerudo male, you needed a special pass to come into the town walls. Trading tents were set outside to have trade to those who couldn’t afford a pass.

Asakonigei was growing rather tired of the constant trips back and forth to the Gerudo town. She did not want to get behind in her work for Queen Zarazu and wanted to keep her family home upkept. Yet, at the same time, she wanted to be a good wife and honor Malik's request for some new weapons for the elite guards in the newly restored city. So, it was difficult, trying to manage the two lives. She felt exhausted, too tired to even eat the food in front of it... and not to mention, it smelled absolutely vile. The roasted chicken and spices had a rancid scent. The vegetables were too bland. Strawberry cake with whipped cream was her favorite dessert and she could not bring herself to take a bite. Pushing her plate away, Asakonigei wondered if she had worked herself into a state of sickness.

Malik finished addressing safety protocols with Gali to the Gerudo people on safe trade when he returned to his chambers with his wife. Seeing she didn’t even touch the bowl of soup, he frowned. “Don’t even like my own simple cooking? I’m worried about you.”

"It's nothing against you, Malik, I think maybe I'm just too tired to function." Asakonigei admitted to her husband. "There has been a lot of work lately and perhaps, my body is just telling me I need a break. Even my magic feels a little off." She held up the fork, watching it twist and contort into a various shape before returning to normal.

“Then rest. Zarazu and your cousins can sustain themselves for now, and you’ve done enough marvellous work for me in the time being.”

"Are you going to join me?" Asakonigei took the cozy spot on the bedding. "You've been working a lot as well lately."

“I can spare some time.” Malik took off his armour, setting it on a Manikin. Settling beside his wife, he rested a hand on her hand. “You eat anything off?”

"Not that I can think of." Asakonigei thought of the meals of the previous few days. "Maybe it's just the heat of the desert and the combination of working in the forge. It's possible that I'm dehydrated."

“You don’t seem to have any signs, but I can look into it. Would you like to see a doctor here?”

"Perhaps I should... but later, I'd like to rest a little first. I'm tired." Asakonigei sighed as she snuggled into Malik. "Just hold me and keep me company."

Malik held her closer, breathing slowly. “You think Revan is still mad at us? Donoma didn’t paint a bright picture.”

"I think Revan knows we're proud of him, but I do wish we could have been there to support him." Asakonigei tried to imagine her son in the arena. Knowing him, he would be too stubborn and get hurt a few times. Not to mention, he'd do something stupid just to prove a point. That was how he had always been. "We'll make it up to him and celebrate his new position when we are both home."

“I think how he fought is doing wonders for his reputation.”

"Doing wonders for his ego you mean." Asakonigei chuckled. "Just like his father."

“No offence to you or Zarazu, but a warrior is much grander than a wizard. Besides a letter from Tulilad wanting me to chip in his children’s medical fee, I see no downsides from Revan’s experience. He can’t have us around to coddle him for every ceremony he attends.”

"That has nothing to do with ego. Even you liked to show off during your younger days and even before that." Asakonigei had to tease her husband, just a little. "Then again, you still do show off."

“Alright. Maybe I can admit it’s in our blood.” Malik rested a hand on his wife’s stomach.

"In your blood, you mean." Asakonigei closed her eyes. "Just... wake me up in a little bit." She yawned, getting comfortable.

“It’s the middle of the day Asa.” Malik squeezed her hand lightly. “I’m worried about you. Why are you so tired?”

"I'm not sure, but it's nothing serious." Asakonigei mumbled, already dozing. "I'd tell you if I felt sick."

Malik let her settle into his chest as a pillow while he silently thought about the possible situations. When his mind went to sicknesses shared by women, his heart skipped a beat. Without moving, he recollected his thoughts. He had unprotected sex with his wife to rejuvenate their relationship and fill her needs. Did Asakonigei stop using the leaf? Did she feel that it was no longer necessary? With tension rising, he remembered how sick she could get before. Worse, how she her body nearly killed her after the last pregnancy. Not wanting to wake her, he let seeds of fear plant themselves within his mind.

Asakonigei slept for nearly three full hours. She was disoriented when she fully roused from slumber. The Kovina was certainly surprised to see her husband still at her side. This was odd. Usually, he was the one up and about, making sure everything was ready and perfect. She figured he had work to do. It seemed there was still a little daylight left. Maybe now she could try eating something... but what? Something plain... salty maybe? No, she was dehydrated, salt might make it worse. Maybe a rice cake would be tasty... but she hated rice cakes. When was the last time she ate one? Goodness, was too much work making her system shot?

Malik spooned her close, one hand tenderly playing with a lock of her hair. “Need water my flower?”

"Water would be nice." Asakonigei blinked sleepily, then slowly sat up on the bedding. "And maybe a rice cake. Do we have any of those?"

“I can get you one.” Malik cupped his hands around her after reaching over to grab a glass of readied water.

Sipping on the water, Asakonigei downed the glass slowly to make sure she did not feel too out of sorts. "Don't know why I want one of those, I detest the taste. Maybe because they're sort of bland to me."

“It’s because you’re pregnant.”

"...? What?" Asakonigei gave her husband an incredulous look. "Malik, I can't be pregnant. I'm five years away from fifty!" The Kovina shook her head. "Besides, Doctor Boveir told me it was probably near impossible for me to get pregnant again after Donoma."

“No. He said it was not recommended or that you might die. He never said that it wasn’t possible.”

"... you're being serious, aren't you?" Asakonigei kept telling herself it just... could not be. She had hoped that her body would be strong enough after Donoma. How many nights had she prayed for more children? Malik deserved a big family, she wanted to give him many sons and daughters. Appointment after appointment with Doctor Boveir said it just was not so.

“I am.” Malik’s hands flexed around her, the tension cutting the air.

"... I..." Asakonigei was too stunned to formulate a proper response. "But... I..."

Malik turned her around, kissing her lightly. “We’ll get through this. I’ll figure something out. I won’t let you die from this Asa.”

Asakonigei felt excited... and absolutely terrified at the same time. A child was a blessing, but... in this case, was it her death sentence? With Revan, she tore. With Donoma, she hemorrhaged. With this baby... a shudder ran throughout her body, the panic evident in her eyes. She was not ready to die yet, she did not want to leave her family. "Oh spirits..." Asakonigei trembled slightly, "I... I don't even know if I can... if I can give birth safely."

“What do you want to do with... it.” Malik was unsure if he should be referring to the baby as an it, but he wanted to reassure his wife.

"I can't... I don't want to get rid of the baby." Asakonigei shook her head. "It's part of me, part of you. I always wanted to have more children, to give you the big family you deserved but..." She held tightly to his hand. "I'm scared..."

“I...” Malik lowered his head, taking slow and deep breaths. He needed to assure his wife’s safety. “Stay here. No more jobs. No more working for Zarazu. No more traveling. You will stay where it is safe under my watchful eye. If anyone can help me find the power to deliver our third child safely it will be in a city full of women.” To ease his own worries, Malik carrressed a cheek of Asakonigei. “I’ll find any power I need to keep you safe. I promise.”

"I believe you..." Asakonigei took a shaky breath. While she was afraid, the Kovina had to take moment to calm her nerves. It would do her nor the baby good if she was too stressed. She had to be very careful, even more so than with Revan and Donoma. "I'll have a message delivered to the queen. Muso has been my apprentice for a long while and I'm sure he can handle things for now. We'll... we'll need a few things from home if you wish for me to stay here."

“My people and I will take care of you. If you need anything, don’t feel afraid to call for me, Gali, or anyone else.” Malik slowly left the embrace of his wife. It pained him, but he too had duties to attend to still. “I’ll make a prayer to the goddesses. Perhaps Zelda’s soul will bless you.”

"We need to let Donoma and Revan know too." Asakonigei was tempted to pull him back, but she knew there were other responsibilities for her husband besides her well being. "I'll... pray to Kovina."

“Yes. I’ll ask them to come here with Ganondorf... It’s time they all see what I’ve built here.” Malik spoke last sentence softly to himself as he looked up at the setting summer sun.

Five months had passed, and Asakonigei was now showing a bit of a belly. She mainly stayed on bedrest to lessen the stress on her body. Yet, she still insisted on short daily walks to stretch her legs and for healthy exercise. The morning sickness was not as severe as it was with Revan and Donoma, but she still could not stand the smell of meat. To cure herself of boredom, Asakonigei took on small projects, like fixing jewelry or cracked weapons, jobs that did not take much magic at all. She was grateful for any visitors, yet still worried about the impending birth of her child. Hopefully, Doctor Boveir could visit soon and at least tell her if a C-section was an option. Supposedly, there were more dependable tests and methods nowadays. That, and she really, really wanted to know if the baby was a boy or girl. He could deliver a Lorleidian test to tell her the gender of her little one.

The Gerudo around Taiyo Town seemed to be hospitable around Asakonigei, though she did hear soft whispers behind her back. She couldn’t tell if they were comments of sympathy or pity. One day, however, she was interrupted by Gali when the Lorliedian was on a walk from the market. “Dear me. Should you be carrying that water melon by yourself?”

"The one in my belly or the one in my arms?" Asakonigei asked with a tone of humor. "Either way, the weight is pressing."

“Will you allow me to relieve some of that weight?”

"You can take the actual melon." Asakonigei was a touch surprised and then carefully handed Gail the large fruit. "I figured you'd be helping my husband."

“I have more jobs then helping Lord Malik. Studies for the uneducated and helping the townsfolk personally come to mind.” Gali graciously took the water melon and lugged it to Asakonigei’s kitchen back at the small palace. “Tell me, your daughter has returned, but your son has yet to visit. He too busy with his new job as a babysitter to see his momma? Perhaps you should exaggerate your condition in your next letter.”

"Donoma has more of a flexible schedule than Revan." Asakonigei had to admit to Gail. "I do understand why he has not come to visit. Protecting the future queen is an honorable job, but a demanding one as well. My husband used to guard Queen Zarazu herself, so I'm not surprised that he has not come here yet." The Kovina did not sound too upset about the fact that her son had not visited. Keeping Luimaya safe was difficult and he did not need the added stress of worrying about his mother being pregnant in her forties. "Perhaps when the future queen decides to come here, I will see him then."

“I heard the Royal family has not arrived here yet because the Old One himself wishes for all his children to be present before coming to see Malik’s grand creation of Taiyo Town.”

"If that is true, then I wish Ganondorf all the luck in the world." Asakonigei tried not to laugh. "King Covarog and Queen have five children, Prince Ralnor and his wife have three, Princess Orana and her husband have three, Princess Kanisa and her husband have two, and Prince Tebanam and his husband only have one."

“Well. We await their arrival in anticipation. Tell me Asakonigei, what do you hope for next? A boy? Or a girl?”

"If I'm being honest, Donoma was a lot easier to take care of as a baby. She didn't cry too much unless she was hungry or wet. She only caught my hair on fire once when she burped." Asakonigei recalled when her children were little. "Revan peed everywhere. He was always getting into something. I just about had a heart attack when he used his magical abilities to move some sharp weapons, to juggle them. Not to mention, he's is very stubborn like his father."

“So indeed, another girl.” Gali chuckled as she reached their destination. Setting the water melon down, she took a breath to relax. “Asa? Can I call you Asa? How’d you like to relax at a spot that even Lord Malik won’t step in?”

"Girls are so much easier because boys piss like a hose. Yet, either way, I just want the child to be healthy, regardless of whether it is a boy or a girl." Asakonigei ran a hand back through her hair. "Asa is fine, though I am curious about this spot that my husband avoids."

“Women’s only Hot Spring. You interested?”

"That... sounds absolutely delightful." Asakonigei thought about the heat melting into her back muscles. The pressure of pregnancy would hopefully fade away after a little bit of relaxation.

“Then please, follow me.” Gali smiled tenderly as lead the Lorliedian to the East side of the village. Giant walls to divide sections for privacy were made out of stone and wood. Gali paid a front desk receptionist and headed to the the left hallway. “We have a women’s, men’s, and a small mixed side. So far, our biggest side, and only used at the moment, is women’s. Towel?”

Along the way, Asakonigei had to stop and take several small breaks. It was difficult for her to keep up with the added weight of the pregnancy. Once at the hot springs, Asakonigei was impressed by the outlay and the design. It was beautiful and private. "Yes, please." Asakonigei took the fluffy towel. "This is going to do wonders for my back."

“Hope you’re not modest.” When Gali opened the doors to the hot spring, every woman was buck naked. The inside of the springs was made of natural resources and mechanical engineering. Pools of water pouring into one another, single person sized pots to melt into, and a room the shape of a dragon egg. When a Gerudo walked out, thick steam poured out before the door sealed it back in as it swung close. This particular woman headed to a clear pool of cold water to cool off. There was one or two women who weren’t Gerudo, but most were filled with the red headed giant women. Behind Asa, Gali finished folding all her clothes. “You feeling ready to go in?”

"Um..." Asakonigei turned slightly red in the cheeks. "Not around my husband, but... uh..." There were a lot of women in there. She did not mind other women seeing her naked, but these were buff, strong, extremely ripped women. She felt rather... small.

“Shy?” Gali laughed lightly. “Don’t worry about the nerves. Take a few deep breaths.”

"Not... exactly. You're just all..." Asakonigei gestured to one extremely tall Gerudo lady walking by with a shredded eight pack. "That."

“Hahaha!” That really got a laugh out of Gali. She walked in front of Asa, fairly comfortable with being naked and her chest so close to the woman. “Asa, most of us might be built a little mightier than what you’re used to seeing, but we are still people. But if it makes your ego more at ease, Gerudo come in all sizes. Koyta over there is as thin as a Deku, all because she insists on a fruit only diet. Holly is as mighty as Goron because she eats whatever she desires.” Both of the Gerudo mentioned waved as Gali pointed them out. “What I’m saying is we come in all shapes and sizes, yet we are a tribe non the less. Besides, we aren’t going to crush you.”

"Aren't going to crush me? That I don't believe, you could sit on me and crush me if you wanted to." Asakonigei said in good humor. "Though, I think I'm just a bit intimidated. My family always joke that they don't know how my own husband didn't break me."

“Then become as naked and vulnerable as we are Asakonigei. Become a sister with us.”

"... I..." Asakonigei was not sure exactly how she felt being naked in front of all the women. The scar from the lightning, the stretch marks from her pregnancies, and a few scars over the years... it did make her feel self-conscious. Yet, there were women here who shared similar marks. "All right." She carefully removed the towel and took slow steps into the hot springs.

“You look wonderful Asa. That’s it. Make yourself comfortable.” Gali sat beside her, sighing in content as she felt the heat of the water seek into her pours.

"Oooooh.... this feels so good..." Asakonigei sunk into the water with a heavy, contented sigh. "I need Malik to build me one of these right outside our home."

“You don’t consider the town yet a home?”

"It's a second home. I hope you understand," Asakonigei told Gail. "I can't just up and leave my uncles, cousins, and their children back in Hyrule. I really miss them. They're all I have besides Malik, Revan, and Donoma."

“And your unborn child.” Gali slowly pointed a finger towards Asa, trailing a finger over the water to the Kovani’s stomach.

"Yes..." Asakonigei rested her hands on her ever-growing belly. "I've been thinking of names, but... Malik seems more so worried than excited. Not saying I'm not concerned either, just... I don't want him to have contempt for the child if..." She took a small inhale. "If I don't make it."

“We’d do our best to help look after the child. In the mean time, we will do our best to look after you.”

"... I do appreciate it. I really do." Asakonigei smiled softly. "Either way... my baby will be in good hands." She then shifted slightly, "I know the kid will be strong. Already kicking my bladder."

“Asa. Do I sense worry in your tone that your words do not match? Every turn you seem to have worry.” Gali carefully lifted a single leg out of the water, watching the droplets fall and drip off her skin.

"I do have worries, some about the baby, mainly about Malik." Asakonigei had no reason to lie. "Though I have made my peace with the possibility that I may not live through this birth. I nearly died with Donoma, lost too much blood. Malik... I don't think he has."

“No. He told me of his contingency plan, but he has more fear than hope.” Gali swam a little closer to Asa, taking deep breaths due to the heat. “Tell me Asa. Do you fear your husband in any way?”

"Fear Malik?" Asakonigei shook her head. "I have no reason to fear him. I do, however, think he's very stubborn, impatient, and has a horrible habit of thinking he knows better when sometimes he doesn't... but no, I don't fear him. I've never feared him."

Good.... he asked me to kill him if that after he becomes King, if he might someday turn fall down the path of a Tyrant he be taken out.” Gali let the words hang in the air, sighing deeply.

"...!!!" This was news to Asakonigei. Malik said nothing of becoming king. Nothing of Gail making a promise to kill him if he became like Ganondorf was in the past. "I... I see..."

“There’s been so many Gerudo who have taken a dark path. Twinrova, Adda, Ganondorf... he wishes to not end up a part of that toxic history.”

"I understand that, I just don't understand why he wouldn't..." Asakonigei furrowed her brow, angry but too tired to care at the moment. "Wouldn't tell me."

“Perhaps he didn’t want to burden you Asa. Strife like that need not be shared by his worried lips during such a delicate time for you right now.” Gali turned to Asa, her eyes heavy with knowledge. “I can relate to his worry of becoming another Ganon due to his blood connection with the Old One.”

"I'm his wife, I want to support him, despite whatever else is going on." Asakonigei sounded more frustrated than actually upset. "Malik isn't Ganon but... I know there have been times in his past that holds regret for him."

“He told me that long ago he might have been Ganon. That both he and the Gerudo who would become that era’s Ganon were born at the same time. You think he was robbed of that destiny, or spared?”

"I think destiny can kiss my ass. Any soul can make their own or change their fate." Asakonigei had absolute faith. "My husband was not, and will never be Ganon. While he held onto hate in his past, he is human now. He loves me, his family, and wants to do the best he can."

“But it’s funny how fate sometimes lulls us along a path. Temptation is funny that way.” Gali stood up, stretching out close to Asa. “Care to follow me to the cooling pool?”

"Yes... if I can get up." Asakonigei had to heft her weight forward a few times. The belly always got in the way.

Gali gently lifted Asa out of the water, letting her body be a crutch. “You ever have bad apples in your family?”

"Not that I know of." Asakonigei groaned softly, standing still for a moment. "Still kicking me. You'd think the kid would have some manners, but no, has to kick Mama whenever."

Gali winced as she tapped a toe in the cold water. “I’m going to carefully place you in the water.”

"Sure we can't find a cool one of these for my husband? Might help with his hot-headness." Asakonigei joked as the cold water immersed her. "Though enough about my husband. Tell me of you."

“Well, how about-AHH!” Gali gasped as the cold water made her body harden to the touch. Soon though, she relaxed after a few gasps. “Can’t stand the cold.”

Asakonigei tried to hold back a few giggles. "Well, it seems that no matter where, all Gerudos do not like cold."

“True. Where was I? Oh yes. Myself.” Gali played with the water, a sad smile on her lips. “I probably haven’t shared that the infamous Captain Adda is my half-sister.”

"...?! You're related to that bitch---sorry." Asakonigei could not contain the surprise on her face. "I... don't imagine that's been easy for you."

“Truth is, I don’t know much about her. We’ve only met a handful of times. My mother made a deal with her. Any Gerudo that didn’t want to live the life of the Caravans would go live with Adda.”

"I see. I never met her personally but I heard all the stories." Asakonigei frowned, thinking of all the times that the women caused her friends grief. "She killed one of Admiral Corsaire's crew. Young man by the name of Bogdan Toma Vali. His nickname was Bomba." She then paused and said. "Well, technically, her dragon did... but still..."

“I heard. The last we spoke in person I visited her in prison. She told me much about how her life crumbled around her. She even told me the identity of two nieces I have.”

"Yes, Alexandria and Elizabeth." Asakonigei knew the two young girls from their encounters over the years. "I think they're both married now with kids."

“I’ve sent out invitations before hoping to meet them, but they’ve proven allusive.”

"I'm sorry the twins haven't reached out. Perhaps you need a mediator between you and them?" Asakonigei suggested to Gail. "I'm sure that they have their reasons, and are probably very hurt still by their mother. Though, I do think they should at least give you a chance. To prove you're not Adda."

“That’d be nice. But trying to convince two mid thirties women just travel across the world is difficult task. Stubborn like their mother.” Gali sighed as she relaxed further into the cool water.

"You could go to them? I'd ask Orana if you could have passage on one ship of her husbands?"

“Can’t. Too much to do here. Practically Chieftain here if Malik wasn’t concerned.”

"Well, you know, you can always have an assistant. Muso is mine; he helps me watch after things when I'm gone form the forge."

“For now, I’m Malik’s assistant. Can’t have an assistant to an assistant. Could take care of your needs to you know? You’re only going to get bigger and bigger.”

"... unfortunately, you do have a point." Asakonigei did have to admit that Gail was right. Soon enough, she'd have to be on strict bedrest. No more moving unless absolutely necessary. "I... won't lie. I am afraid."

“Good. Fear makes you human. I’d be weary of you if you weren’t afraid.”

"The only person I've ever met that never shows her fear is Zolori, the queen's sister. That woman is made of steel, I tell you." Asakonigei then jolted in the water, gasping, "Oh wow!!! That was a big kick!!! Here, feel." She took Gail's hand and placed it on her belly. "Really moving today. That makes me feel a little better. The baby's healthy."

“I never had children. Too afraid of bringing them into the world. But you.” Gali placed a hand on the mother to be’s stomach. “You feel strong Asa.”

"I have to be strong. Look who I put up with." Asakonigei said dryly, indicting her husband. "I was raised by my uncles who each had a son. I grew up around all men. When you have to avoid your cousins who like to wrestle and put you in headlocks, you learn a thing or two. Besides," She patted her belly. "Childbirth wasn't necessarily the hardest thing I ever had to do. Learning to be patient, learning to love, learning to let go... that's harder."

“For the sake of your child and safety, you might have to let go of much.” Gali kissed Asa lightly on the forehead in a kind gesture. “I don’t say this as a home wrecker, hopefully as a friend, but if anything did happen to you, we’d look after Malik, but more importantly your children. However, we are determined to not have that happen. You’re going to be one of us Asakonigei.”

"It's going to be nice to have some sisters when I grew up with all boys." Asakonigei appreciated the heartfelt words. "I know my family will be in good hands if I do not survive the birth. My Revan and Donoma are strong, and I know this child will be as well. I just... want to be here."

“That is the beauty of motherhood and life.” Gali closely hugged Asa close, feeling no shame. “You’ll be alive to enjoy those moments, I swear it.”

Asakonigei turned a little red when her face was that close to Gail's cleavage. "I need you to promise me something though, Gail..."

Gali moved away, nodding down towards her. “Yes?”

"There... might come a choice when it's either me or the baby." Asakonigei steadied her nerves and then said. "... Malik will choose to save me. Don't let him. Save the baby... please."

“I will do what I can.”

________________________________________________________________

Previous Ch. https://mrneighbourlove.tumblr.com/post/622482284480774144/the-rising-sun-ch-3-test-your-might

Next Ch. https://mrneighbourlove.tumblr.com/post/622677305470402560/the-rising-sun-ch-5-power-exchanged

Crossover with @ridersoftheapocalypse starring our characters!

#crossover story #ridersoftheapocalypse #Klinge/Malik #Asakonigei #Gali #Gerudo #Taiyo Town

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taffysannotatedsonichu · 7 years ago

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The Most Pointless Character in Sonichu

Taffy here. This was a post I made for the Kiwi Farms forum on the most pointless character in Sonichu in late October 2017, and I took up the challenge to prove every single character has no point. This was kind of my beta version of what would become Taffy’s Annotated Sonichu, so I thought it would be worth reprinting here (also I’m sorry it’s taking me so long to get more CWCDefense or GitM up, I’ve been really sick for the past two weeks and I’m just now trying to get back in the swing of things).

Chris's comic persona and fursona are pointless because he could have just lived vicariously through Sonichu and not have an in-comic presence.

Sonichu himself became pointless after Chris took over as main character but was already pretty pointless since really Chris could have just written a straight Sonic fanfic with Sonic as the lead in the first place. Besides the occasional electric attack and the complete lack of an original personality he's basically Sonic.

That said, all the characters ripped wholesale from Sonic or Pokémon (Sonic himself, Perfect Chaos, Robotnik, Giovanni) are pretty pointless as they were dropped not long in as Sonichu grew to have its own canon with its own crazy cast of characters.

In addition, any character ripped wholesale from any other franchise (Beavis & Butthead, Bugs Bunny, Meg Griffin) exist solely for "fan service", or rather fan disservice.

Rosechu is extremely pointless, all she does is A) be a token girl, B) prove Sonichu is STRAIGHT, and C) occasionally face rape someone. That said The Incredible Lioness is probably the closest we get to a real character with a point, rivaled only by the Voltorb that kills Simonla. They have simple purposes (to brutally maim and murder) and they do them to a T.

Kel is pointless since Rosechu could have just been Chris's Pokémon to begin with and she didn't need to exist as a middleman.

For that matter, any character best known for being a Moon Pal (Bill the Scientist, Metal Sonichu, Yawning Squirtle) or just as a meme in general (Inos), while being great for laughs, are all pretty irrelevant background characters.

Reldnahc Notsew Niatsirhc exists solely for Chris to physically obliterate his sexual insecurity.

Any Jerkop or Manajerk exists solely for Chris to vent his frustrations with real people who were just doing their jobs. Same goes for Hanna.

Blake is too inconsistent to have a point to existing. He was a pointless villain-of-the-week at first and then he was a pointless supporting character.

Sarah Hammer and Wes Iseli are particularly pointless because Chris' relationship with Sarah was already waning when he wrote Sonichu 2. Since the reincarnation plot point was dropped not long after, you can honestly skip Sonichu 2 entirely and not miss anything.

Mary Lee Walsh, while being awesome, is like the jerkops and manajerks just there essentially as a comic book voodoo doll. Maybe the point of her was to show that Chris can in fact write an interesting and badass female character? We'll never know.

Count Graduon is pretty redundant with Mary, power wise. Other than to vent frustrations with his graduation he's really pointless.

All of the Chaotic Combo are basically team filler filling out some elements that the rest of the team lacks. Specifically:

Wild Sonichu doesn't really have a personality. He's pretty redundant with Sonichu himself, other than, of course, we need a green Sonichu. The one thing that possibly could have made him interesting, the struggles of being a single father, are really rushed over so Chris can get back to the murder spree. His only notable father-daughter bonding experience was drilling a man to death.

Bubbles Rosechu, aside from being the token blue Sonichu/water type, finds one Sonichu ball and then returns to being a moron.

Angelica Rosechu, although I imagine her original purpose was to be a pacifist voice of reason and a token religious character, well, that got thrown out the window pretty quickly. The things that differentiate her from Bubbles besides their powers are few and far between.

Punchy Sonichu is just the token red character and the token Asian. Seriously I don't even know what "fighting type" means. In fact, why not make him fire type? It's the one element missing from the Chaotic Combo (Bubbles is water, Wild is earth, Angelica is air, Magi-Chan is ether/heart/mind, no one's fire!) (Note 26/11/18: I now know Fighting-Type is a type of Pokémon, but nevertheless “Fighting-Type is one of the weirder types. The Pokémon types are elements, supernatural creatures... and martial arts. And yes, the Fighting-Type icons in the series are red while Fire-Type is orange, but from a team balance perspective fire would have made sense).

Magi-Chan, especially after being paired off with Silvana taking away his sole unique trait of not being driven around by his penis, is just Chris's round the clock surveillance system.

Boulder Dropping Whale would have been useful if he actually killed Bubbles's mother but since he failed he's just a great meme.

Why does Flame the Sunbird even exist? He's literally just Kazooie from Banjo-Kazooie and his role could have easily been filled by Wild or Bubbles or anyone because that stupid Sunstone doesn't even matter, except it does make everything grow like Norma, whoever she is. Norma is the most relevant character in that whole issue. (Note 26/11/18: Yes, I named Nadine’s mom after this typo.)

Again, Darkbind and Zelina are crimes against nature. (Note from an earlier repost): I am referring to a previous post complaining that Darkbind and Zelina were the combinations of not two but four franchises (Sonic, Pokémon, Zelda & Darkwing Duck) and came off as clunky because of it.)

Crystal the sister is especially irrelevant now that Chris is a girl (why not make her a trans man to mirror Chris' own transition? Oh wait JERKS.), but she was always redundant with Rosechu and Chris himself.

Sailor Megtune - why didn't he just draw Megan herself? We know he's okay drawing her.

Megagi - Already kinda redundant with Megtune and she really had no reason to exist after Chris & Megan had that falling out.

Jamsta and Lolisa speak for themselves at their uselessness. I mean, they are just bit characters anyway. But as someone else mentioned before their radio station is particularly shitty.

Patti-Chan, while her story is cute, just exists as a way for Chris to hold on to his beloved pet and not fully cope with her loss.

Allison Amber, although being one of the better characters, wouldn't need to exist if Chris would just do some work for once. That said if the point of her character was to be an audience surrogate (I mean, until she shoots a man in cold blood) then for once Chris succeeded.

Bionic the Hedgehog as previously mentioned is just there for the sake of having an orange Sonichu, even though he isn't one.

All of the specific characters of Chris's "real life" "sweethearts" (Pandahalo, Blanca, Ivy) as well as their OCs (Jiggliami, Blazebob & Chloe, Layla Flaafy) are pointless because they all just disappear almost immediately after they're introduced after Chris finds out they were a troll or they "died".

Likewise any rendition of one of Chris' real life trolls (Jason Kendrick Howell, Clyde, Jack Thaddeus, Alec, Evan, Sean & Mao) are again just there as pen-and-paper voodoo dolls for Chris to take out his frustrations on. The trolls in particular almost work against Chris' point in including them because no matter how much Chris paints himself as the hero his violent murder sprees always end with him looking like the villain. (Justice for the Asperpedia Four!)

Beel is just Satan and a secretary for the 4-cent-garbage building. Pretty pointless.

Zapina is just there as a token "cute" character.

Simonla is just Wild's token sweetheart and then later the lynchpin Chris needed to justify executing his enemies.

Silvana, while another fairly interesting character, is just a villain-of-the-week with an added dose of Chris's sexual insecurity.

Sarah & Rita Jackarass - These two are both stupid minor characters, but why on Earth did there need to be two of them?

GodJesus exists solely to heap praise onto our beloved autist.

Those stupid Samurai Pizza Transformers are stupid. I hate them so much. I hope they burn in the Earth's lava core.

Sonichu & Rosechu's children are initially just there to be cloyingly cute and then once they're grown to be Chris's LGBT mouthpieces, forgetting that we won't listen to anything they say because we already hate them. Of special pointlessness is Cerah, because while Robbie is the most punchable he's at least the focus character of a lot of the newer stuff (even though we hated him as a Sonee, we hated him as a Sonichu, and we'll hate him as a Rosechu), and Christine is vapid she gives credence to the idea that Magi-Chan is giving it to Rosechu behind Sonichu's back which is way more interesting than canon. Cerah does jack squat besides be a lesbian.

The Asperchu cameos are just there for Chris to try to force Alec to give him what he wants and the Basement Rosechus are just there to slander Alec's name.

Sandy is particularly irrelevant since Simonla's back, she was never anything more than a replacement goldfish for her.

Kevin the Jew - I knew it! I knew it all along! Peppermint Patty is a boy!

Bananasaurus - Don't listen to your Patreon backers Chris.

Lastly, Russel & Cynthia are just there to fill the Sonee/Rosee void left when Cera Christine & Robbie evolved, a void no one in particular wanted filled.

Edited (27/10/17) to include all the MLP characters and Chris's ponysona - We hate them and we want Sonichu back.

#cwc extras

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staraptor-is-my-son · 6 years ago

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Steve Gets Crafty!

Wow, two of these in two days. The ideas are really flowing lately.

Reasoning:

-Minecraft is the best selling video game of all time, even Sakurai loves it.

-Recognizable, beloved character

-Meme

Moveset:

I’ve seen a ton of vastly different movesets for Steve. If anything, I think this says a lot about what kind of game Minecraft is and just how customizable the experience is. I tried to incorporate as many items and mechanics as possible. The moveset can be kind of convoluted and intricate, especially the grabs and Neutral Special, but every move is a reference to something different. As a rule, Steve can apply many strong effects to tilt the tides of battle, but he needs a lot of time to do so.

-Jab: The basic attack with the Diamond Sword.

-Side Tilt: An overhead swipe with the Diamond Pickaxe. Works like Link/Young Link’s Side Tilt.

-Up Tilt: Some kind of upward chop with the Diamond Axe.

-Down Tilt: Steve thrusts the Diamond Hoe into the ground in front of him, then drags it towards him as if tilling the ground.

-Dash Attack: He lunges forward with the Shears and closes them in front of him.

-Side Smash: During the charge animation, Steve holds a bone while a tamed wolf sits at his side. When released, Steve points the bone forward as the wolf lunges forward to attack.

-Up Smash: Steve plants a firework at his feet that shoots up into the air and explodes on impact. Works like Snake’s Up Smash, but the explosion hits multiple times.

-Down Smash: Steve throws a fire charge at the ground and it explodes at his feet.

-Neutral Air: A midair basic attack with the Diamond Sword. This attack deals double damage and knockback if used while fastfalling, like a critical hit in Minecraft.

-Forward/Back Air: A quick midair Crossbow shot. Works like Villager/Isabelle’s Side Airs.

-Up Air: A tamed parrot hops off Steve’s shoulder to peck upward a couple times. Works like Duck Hunt’s Up Air.

-Down Air: A downward swing with the Diamond Shovel. (The shovel digs dirt below you)

-Grab: (This part is really wordy and complicated, so if you want to skip, scroll to the next red text) Steve casts the Fishing Rod as a tether grab. In Minecraft, the Fishing Rod can’t hold à mob in place, so in SSB, the grab is very easy to escape. With good enough reaction, you could mash out before Steve can even throw, since his throws take a long time to execute and if you break out before the animation finishes, the throw is canceled. After all, he doesn’t have fingers, so how can he hold on to you? There is a workaround, however.

-Pummel: Rather than pummeling normally, Steve places a Sweet Berry Bush at his opponent’s feet. Just like in Minecraft, the Sweet Berry Bush traps an opponent in place while dealing damage a little bit at a time. This pummels automatically and extends the grab to a normal duration.

-Forward Throw: Steve builds an Iron Golem behind himself, then tosses the opponent into it. This throw is the slowest and most likely to escape, but deals the most knockback.

-Back Throw: Steve places a Dispenser behind him, then turns the opponent into their stock icon (I really like stock icon throws, don’t I?), puts them in the Dispenser, and shoots them out.

-Up Throw: Steve picks up the opponent, places a Piston under them, puts them down, and activates it, dealing weak knockback and starting combos.

-Down Throw: Steve makes a small arch out of Dirt Blocks behind and above him, then places an Anvil on the end to fall on the enemy’s head, dealing lots of damage.

(Skip to here)

-Neutral Special: Steve places a Brewing Stand on the ground and a wheel of potion icons appear. Works like Shulk’s Neutral Special in terms of concept and execution, but it takes a lot longer to use and the effects can’t be canceled. To compensate, the effects have no drawbacks whatsoever. These are the effects.

-Swiftness (extra ground and air speed)

-Strength (stronger attacks all-around)

-Leaping (higher jumps, fastfall speed up)

-Slow Falling (decreased fall speed, less landing lag on aerials)

-Regeneration (healing over time)

-Side Special: A chargeable Trident throw that can be aimed up or down. If a fully charged Trident falls to the ground, Steve can pick it up and use it to replace his Diamond tools. It has more power and range than the tools, but it breaks after ten hits. (The Down Tilt becomes a crouching stab like Marth’s)

-Up Special: Steve throws an Ender Pearl in any direction. If it hits the ground, Steve warps to the point of impact. If it hits the wall of a stage, he grabs the ledge if it hit close enough. If it hits an enemy, he will attack with his Diamond Sword as he reappears. The throw has great range, but warping deals self-damage.

-Down Special: Steve places a block of TNT on the ground. The block is solid, but can be broken with attacks. Pressing Down Special again uses the Flint and Steel to send forth a cloud of sparks that deal weak fire damage. If any fire damage attack hits the TNT, it flashes for two seconds before exploding. The explosion is Steve’s strongest attack, but he can be hit by it as well.

-Final Smash: Steve spawns a Wither to attack enemies

Alts:

-Alex Skin

-Zombie Skin

-Skeleton Skin

-Villager Skin

-Zombie Pigman Skin

-Enderman Skin

-Mario Skin (from the Mario Mashup Pack)

Classic Mode: My World

(Every round is a team battle based on Minecraft enemies)

Round 1: Green Ganondorfs (Zombies)

Round 2: White Links (Skeletons)

Round 3: Black Zeldas (Witches)

Round 4: Blue Pits (Phantoms)

Round 5: Green and Red Kirbies (Slimes and Magma Cubes)

Round 6: Orange Incineroars (Blazes)

Boss: Giant purple Charizard (Ender Dragon) and purple Mewtwos (Endermen)

SSB Idea Master Post

This one took quite a lot of effort, and it’s probably not very easy to read, so thanks for reading to the end! I feel like this one especially suffers a lot because I can’t really make any graphics to explain what I see in my head.

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jmsebastian · 8 years ago

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The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly of Polygon Faces

Sometimes we just have to be honest with ourselves. There is an undeniable charm to many games from the early 3D era. While often unrefined, a style developed that now breeds nostalgia in the way blocky, squat pixel mascots did in a generation prior. Pushing polygons rather than sprites was a new art form, and not many had a clear vision as to how it should go. Many made the push toward photo realism, and in doing so, ended up drowning us in a new surreal, a limbo of concrete and abstract representation. I have a deep fondness for the 32/64 bit generation because it gave way to a new visual language for video games, but like I said before, we have to be honest with ourselves. Sometimes the language being spoken with those ground breaking graphics was unintelligible. Sometimes the results were downright unsettling.

Let’s start with this police officer from Parasite Eve II.

All things considered, this police officer really doesn’t look too bad. He’s got some nice shading and some real definition to his features. This being a 1999 release, it’s pretty clear that Squaresoft had made some real improvements over their earlier forays into 3D gaming:

(Ahem.)

The problem with the officer isn't so much in the level of detail, but really the content of those details, specifically his eyes. With Aya approaching him, his gaze seems to be aimed at nowhere in particular. Given that this game features no voice acting, it isn’t really odd that he would have a neutral expression, but neutral is not really an appropriate description. He looks eerily absent, as unresponsive as a mannequin. Compare that to the beautiful pre-rendered cutscenes that pepper the game and you have yourself quite the disconnect.

Obviously, no Playstation game is going to be rendering characters that look as good as that on the fly, but even compared to Aya’s in game face, the officer looks odd.

This closeup reveals a hint of determination, but also a sense of calm, similar to how she was characterized in the cutscene above. The officer, on the other hand, looks as though he’s never experienced stimulus of any kind.

(There’s just nothing going on in there.)

Parasite Eve II is one of the more technically impressive Playstation games, and as such, its crimes against humanity barely even register. There are modern games that can’t get characters to emote, and their faces can actually move. By that measurement, Officer No Soul is a crowning achievement. Let’s take a look at a game in the same genre and released the same year. Capcom’s Dino Crisis featured a female protagonist, Regina, with the same kind of gun totin’ sex appeal that Aya Brea brought to Squaresoft’s character lineup. For reference, when we thought about Regina, this is what Capcom would have preferred we have in mind:

The unnaturally red hair seems geared at portraying Regina as a fiery, adventurous type. Her look is pointedly alluring, which doesn’t complement the theme of the game in any way, shape or form, but was par for the course after the debut of Lara Croft. Let’s see how well this dinosaur murdering seductress translated into the actual game.

(Oh, god!)

The “come hither” look from the cover seems to have melted like a wax figure. Similar to the officer from Parasite Eve II, Regina lacks any meaningful expression on her face. The texture mapping is slightly misaligned as well, making it so her lips appear to be sliding off to the side of her mouth. What’s most disappointing has to be the way her hair is rendered. This was long before things like cloth physics or individually animated feather blowing in the breeze. I’m empathetic to the constraints of the platform, but I can’t help but feel discontent when I’m teased with distinguished hair strands and am instead given a rust colored crescent moon with some highlights capping her skull.

By 1999, the Playstation had been on the market in Japan for five years. Dino Crisis and Parasite Eve II were games developed and published by big players in the industry. While it’s all well and good to poke fun at their badness now, they were still among the most advanced graphics that could be achieved on the platform. While looking quite dated by the dawn of Sega’s Dreamcast, in the same year as these releases, they managed to hold their own. Results from games much earlier in the system’s library tell a very different tale.

This is from King’s Field, released in North America in 1995. You may have noticed that this man here has no face. There’s an extra polygon showing for his nose, but other than that, we are just staring into the void. Bad faces are unsettling, sure, but no faces is the stuff of nightmares. This game is technically the second in the King’s Field series. The first game, confusingly also just called King’s Field in Japan, released early on in the Playstation’s life, December of 1994.

While many of the established studios were busy mixing pre-rendered backgrounds with polygonal character models in order to maximize the amount of detail they could squeeze out of each scene, From Software decided to go all in on 3D right from the beginning. Nearly everything in this game is built using polygons. Even more impressive, the game continuously streams data from the disc, meaning load times are practically nonexistent once play begins. In order to accomplish that, corners had to be cut. A lot of those corners were in the details department. Most objects are made of simple shapes with little or no texturing. Edges are sharp in a way that feels unnatural. This extends to every face in the game, and is the biggest barrier to buying into the game’s world.

There is something inherently unpleasant about holding conversations with people sans mouth. It was bad enough when characters couldn’t move their lips, but to not have a visual reference for where the speech is supposed to be produced from puts the player in a tough spot. On the one hand, there is plenty of space for the player’s imagination to take over. They can create any character they want due to the faces being literal blank slates. On the other hand, of course, the inability to visually relay more detailed information about its characters through facial expressions means King’s Field has to work harder at the language that’s used when NPCs communicate directly with the player. Overall, the trade off of having a large, fully 3D world at the expense of detail was risky. Given what we know about texture mapping in the ‘90s, I’d say From Software made the right call, even though it meant talking to no faced monstrosities.

I wanted to point out a few bad examples of polygonal faces in order to demonstrate that some games took a completely different approach to the whole 3D thing: mainly, they tried to maximize their capacity to convey information visually by only including the most vital information. In Mega Man Legends, the characters are incredibly blocky. The basic shapes and sharp edges make it so that it looks as though everything was a paper cutout. When looking straight on at a character’s face, all you see is a flat surface with everything simply drawn on top of it. It may not be the most technically impressive, but it allows for a great deal more emotion. Mega Man expresses more with his face in one scene than any of the previously mentioned character do throughout their entire adventures.

Here, Mega Man shows some clear confusion. The simple frown and solid coloring gives him a great deal of personality.

In this shot, Mega Man’s sense of fulfillment is very clear, and all it took was a different mouth texture over the same facial structure. Sure, he doesn’t have the lips and his hair looks poised to pop any balloons that might be floating by, but the anime style art design allows for visual storytelling in a way that many early 3D games just couldn’t pull off.

Another great benefit to Mega Man Legend’s art style is that it has prevented the game from appearing as old as many of its contemporaries. Dino Crisis may have looked really good when it came out in 1999, but when magnified and displayed at resolutions above those that would have been possible on TVs of the time, it’s very obvious what era of video games it was made in. Games with pre-rendered backgrounds look especially bad at higher resolutions because character models and the environments don’t scale together. A character might upres quite well, but then clash horrifically against the blurry, pixelated mess of a backdrop. For anyone playing on the original hardware hooked up to a television of the era, these issues are lessened, or even non-existent thanks to the resolutions and adaptability of CRT technology. When played by more modern means, say on a Playstation 3 via the Playstation Store connected to a nice LCD screen, you can get some very unfortunate results.

Mega Man Legends’ visuals may not hold up perfectly in the modern era, but they can be blown up significantly and still maintain most of their quality. The techniques of simplifying visuals would pay off big for Nintendo just a few years later with The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker for Gamecube. Basic shapes combined with newly developed cell shading techniques allowed the game’s visuals to be expressive in ways even modern games struggle to match. When played at modern resolutions, The Wind Waker hardly skips a beat.

(That is a look of some serious, and easily distinguishable distaste.)

The increased processing capabilities of the Gamecube meant that visuals for its games would automatically outpace the Playstation, but visual techniques pioneered on that platform gave 3D games a way to circumvent the inherent limitations of the era and technology available to them so that they would have lasting power. It’s important for games to push the boundaries when it comes to visuals, and a cartoonish style certainly isn’t appropriate for every title, but I can’t help but wonder how many times this cycle will repeat. Games developed for the Playstation 3 are already starting to show significant visual age when compared to the newest released on PC, so much so that I almost prefer the abstract horror of bad face texture mapping to settling in the uncanny valley. Graphical fidelity never felt as important as artistic design, a reality that feels more true now probably than ever before.

#ps3 #Dino Crisis #parasite eve ii #playstation #gamecube

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inkni · 8 years ago

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There Is No Ninth Generation

I: Reflection.

Sometime around age 14 or 15, musing on the future of gaming, I wrote the following:

The next-generation systems (the replacements for GameCube, Xbox, and PS2) will roll out sometime around the year 2006. This will either continue the rise of video games, or begin the path towards their inevitable decline. Having us stare at a TV screen for hours on end will not keep the industry going. They must evolve to changing technology and, well… boredom.

I feel I was both prescient and incorrect here. (Albeit mostly vague.) Nintendo, as is their wont, did revolutionize gaming anew with the introduction of motion controls with the Wii, copied by PlayStation’s MOVE and SixAxis controllers. Microsoft introduced the Kinect in fits and starts. Technology did change, and changed gaming.

—but to what extent? Microsoft backpedaled utterly away from their promise to make the Kinect central to the Xbox One experience. The early promise of the Wii U GamePad (see: Nintendo Land) was squandered amid dreadful sales. The biggest games of the Nintendo 3DS (Pokémon Sun & Moon) don’t even bother to utilize the portable’s central 3D gimmick. And now we’re looking at 2.0 follow-ups to the One and PS4 that honestly don’t look all that different in form or function from the Xbox and PS2 I was contemplating in my mid-teens. (By which I mean, the gameplay is still essentially the same, with updated graphics. The overall user experience, I’ll concede, has shifted significantly with the rise of internet connectivity, streaming, and social.)

II: Innovation!

I still think, as ever, that innovation is central to the continued success of gaming. In this vein, two themes emerge: A) I worry about the industry as a whole, bloated with massive financial success and therefore afraid to take risks; B) I am more glad than ever to have Nintendo.

A) The gaming industry has never been easy to break into, but wow—gone are the days in which a massive company like Microsoft would step up to launch a new system from scratch. And the notion of any individual games company like Sega being able to rise from scrappy underdog to massive presence as they did throughout the nineties? A joke. For the most part, we’re stuck with what he have. (And on the software side, AAA developers release open world after open world, bungled with bugs, on an annual schedule like a Hollywood blockbuster studio. Is it sustainable?)

B) Thankfully, we have the Nintendo Switch. While I’m for sure a Nintendo fangirl, any historian of the gaming world has to acknowledge the company’s drive for innovation and how much it has shaped every aspect of the controllers we use & the gameplay we experience. I don’t want to get bogged down in this broader post with a lot of musing about the Switch, but it excites me to see Nintendo pushing forward in blending home and mobile gaming, while still delivering new features in the how of gameplay with the amazingly crafted Joy-Cons. This is the kind of new shit that compels me to purchase a console!

The overly dramatic title of this post is in fact in reference to Windows OS. After the messiness of Windows 8, Microsoft opted to skip right over 9 and debut their “final” OS, Windows 10. From this point onward, they claim, it’s just upgrades to the same basic framework. I wonder if home consoles have perhaps reached this point? Rumors abound about how the Switch might be upgraded via a new tablet or dock every few years, and of course the controllers themselves are modular as well. Microsoft and Sony have already made clear that they see their forays into 4K as upgrades to their existing lineups, and not wholly new tech. What major leap left could consoles take from here?

III: Disruption?

To return to my teenaged self:

You see, video game consoles are going to change very rapidly, it would seem. Not too far in the future… a virtual reality Zelda? Yeah, where you run on a treadmill to move across Hyrule, and by the time you get to an enemy, you’re too tired to swing your 3D sword peripheral! Great idea! Or how about, hmm… oh yeah, and when you swim, you get to wave you hands in the air, and make a fool of yourself!

OK, so maybe there won’t be a virtual reality Zelda any time soon, or at least we pray that there won’t be one. It would be nice, though, if you could have something like that X-men person… umm… Cyclops’ (?) glasses, where, in order to look around, you would have to physically turn your head! While still using a controller, for old time’s sake.

Yes, VR. Longed for since the days of the Virtual Boy, and now finally here. The sword peripheral came first, with Skyward Sword and Wii MotionPlus. Kinect’s truly impressive tech can detect arms swimming through the air (and the Switch’s right Joy-Con will have a similar, smaller feature.) The Wii U GamePad can be swiveled around to reveal hidden elements of a virtual world surrounding you. And now, Oculus Rift puts two fancy, immersive controllers in your hands while you’re strapped into a headset that engulfs your existence.

Even as the basics of console’s couch gaming have remained the same for decades, improvements in interactivity have swirled around our sofas, leading us to this point. Will VR truly present a major shift in gaming? Will Oculus (or another VR company) become a major force in the industry if it does—or will the Big Three stay the same, as Nintendo teases VR for the future of Switch and Sony already has PlayStation VR on the market? Is this all so much hot air?!

I didn’t know at age 15, and I sure as shit don’t know now. But the hype train is rolling, and I’m fully on board!

#week 22 #video games #vr #virtual reality #xbox one #xbox scorpio #ps4 #ps4k #wii u #nintendo switch #xbox #ps2 #gamecube

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roseofithaca · 8 years ago

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TAB the Filler Ep

I was expecting at least one person to ask me; “What do you mean by filler?” on my last post about this but everyone seemed to agree, go figure. Regardless, here’s a list of things from TAB that we thought were foreshadowing or building a foundation for things to come in S4 and...apparently weren’t. At all.

Such as:

The whole fucking point of the episode; why Sherlock had the gay Victorian fever dream. He visualizes how he would solve the crime of Ricoletti shooting herself and then seeming to come back from the dead so he can find out how Moriarty can still be alive after doing the same. The conclusion he comes to at the end is; “Of course he’s dead, he blew his own brains out, no one survives that.” Except...Ricoletti DID because she faked her death! That’s how he solved it the case! Many of us were confused about this when the episode aired but we theorized that Sherlock was just saying this to Mary to lower her defences as he’s worked out there’s a connection between her and Moriarty. But there wasn’t. Moriarty really is dead so solving Emilia Ricoletti’s suicide was pointless. And on that note...

The connections between Mary and Moriarty/hints of Mary being revealed as a villain. From Mary sharing Magnussen’s line about John “putting that on a t-shirt” to all the hints of her being ‘wicked’ and Moriarty’s line; “You’re dreaming.” cutting to Mary saying the same thing and, oh yeah, her appearing as the Abominable Bride AS THE TITLE APPEARS ON SCREEN and...y’know what, there’s too much to go into, and people have written much better metas on how Mary is Not A Good Person (also read M Theory) that I won’t go into more. But do we get any conclusion to this? Nope. Mary dies in the next episode and goes out a hero. The ‘consequences’ of how ‘wicked’ she was in the past isn’t even that, it’s just a misunderstanding, not anything she actually did wrong. Why not have Ajay be the son or husband or father of someone Mary killed? I’m not even fully opposed to her being redeemed, I just think it was handled so poorly and rushed. We never get to find out how wicked or bad she really was - she just comes off as a gun for hire who was on a rescue mission of all things! Even without having shot Sherlock, she is coded so clearly as a villain in TAB that it baffles me what they were thinking now. What was it about having her work for Mycroft when he wasn’t even aware of who she was (ha!)? Speaking of...

Mycroft’s ‘tick tock’ on his remaining life-span. What was this? Honestly? What was Sherlock predicting? He didn’t know about Eurus so he had no idea she might be coming after their older brother. Some people thought maybe this, again, tied into M Theory and how Moriarty’s return would mean the consequences of any deals Mycroft made with Jim might come back to haunt them. I guess this was kind of true with Mycroft letting Jim see Eurus...but again, that’s Eurus’ plan. And Sherlock had no idea about this. Eurus didn’t even seem that interested in hurting Mycroft in the end, her focus was on Sherlock. I’m not saying I would WANT Mycroft to die but it felt like we were being subtly told to emotionally prepare for it.

“Paranoia?” “Ooh, sounds Serbian!” Still nothing more mentioned on Sherlock’s torture or seeing those scars, this is more of a personal nitpick but wtf.

It’s never twins. Apparently it really is never twins. I wouldn’t even be focusing on this so much if they hadn’t repeated it again in TST.

Holmes and Hooper. Sherlock sees Molly for the strong, clever person she is and regrets having mistreated her in the past. How does S4 end? More abuse for Molly! And making her seem like the same lovesick girl we saw back in S1! They could have had Molly be as badass as her Victorian equivalent was in that scene but instead she needs Sherlock to say ‘i love you’ when it would have been so awesome to have her just say the words calmly and cooly and show that she’s letting go of those feelings and accepting it won’t happen. But we’re never shown a follow-up to what we get so it’s...what it is.

The Greenhouse scene. Why have this when John basically gives the same lecture in TLD? With Irene Adler mentioned as well? Neither scene gives us any answer for Sherlock’s romantic/sexual history so why repeat it?

“We have an agreement, my brother and I, ever since that day.” What day? What caused that day? What made Sherlock first take drugs? What made him first try to overdose? Why is the ‘list’ never brought up in TLD when Sherlock is completely off his tits on god knows what?

Sherlock saying He knows exactly what Moriarty’s going to do next. No. No, he really didn’t. That was a big fat lie. In fact, Moriarty seemingly didn’t leave any plans for Sherlock after he died! He just made a few gifs for Sherlock’s crazy sister to use when she pleased. Why did she broadcast them at the exact time Sherlock was about to fly off to his death? Never explained!

Sherlock throwing away the deerstalker. Why is this presented as a happy, triumphant moment when he gladly puts it on in TLD and John’s desire for him to wear it is constantly repeated via Mary. We were being lead to believe that the deerstalker represents this idea of Sherlock Holmes that doesn’t really exist (blame the illustrator!) and he just wants to be himself but TLD and TFP tells us; “Who you really are isn’t important, just wear the damn hat! Get back in your cage and dance, monkey!”.

Mycroft passing the torch to John, aka “Look after him. Please.” Do I even need to go into detail on this one? Just roll the clip of John kicking Sherlock’s ribs in / showing no reaction to Sherlock holding a gun to his chin and it’s all that needs to be said. He even admits that seeing Sherlock in danger wasn’t enough to make him want to save him, he had to see Mary’s dvd first. Mycroft should think of holding onto that torch for a bit longer.

Victorian Holmes’ hopes for the future. “Perhaps such things could come to pass.” What things? Why is he looking at Watson so soft and wistful as he says that? Are iPhones and private jets just that amazing to him he wishes he lived in the future? What could living in the modern day resolve that the Victorian times forbade (*cough*)?

And my number one most hated loose end from TAB is...

Hero John, aka “It was my turn”. We are taken back to the Reichenbach Fall at the end of TAB and we see it play out the way it’s SUPPOSED TO BE. Not with Moriarty and Sherlock tumbling into the abyss, but with John turning up to rescue Sherlock and kick Moriarty’s short-arse off the cliff. John states how it was his turn to rescue Sherlock when he has had enough times being Sherlock’s damsel in distress. They face their ‘final problem’ together, as there is ‘always two of them’. When it was revealed that the third episode would be titled The Final Problem, I was sure that we were going to get a real life version of this moment. The Fall done again but with John saving the day. What a sweet summer child I was. Instead we got the exact opposite. Firstly there was no Moriarty but that wouldn’t have been two bad if we would have at least still had Sherlock and John facing down the final Big Bad together. But they didn’t! Once again, John is reduced to being Princess Zelda, thrown into a well and needing to be rescued while Sherlock defeats Eurus on his own. Fuck, we don’t even get to see Sherlock and John reuniting and having a moment of tender relief when he’s pulled out, we just cut to John being a damp burrito but otherwise fine and the focus is still on the sister we don’t care about. Not the main relationship that should have been the focus of the climax, romantic or not! In the end, the Final Problem wasn’t solved by it always being ‘always the two of them’ because John was rendered useless and Sherlock solved it all on his own. Apparently that fix-it to the canon Final Problem is one only reserved for Sherlock’s gay fever dreams. :(

TL;DR my rant here is basically that one can completely skip TAB and go straight from S3 to S4 without missing anything. Nothing happens in S4 that doesn’t make sense without watching TAB. Sherlock’s plane is already turned around by the end of HLV. There’s a small reference to him taking drugs at the MI5 scene but no mention of the fact he tried to OD BEFORE he got on the plane. That’s what classifies a filler episode; one that is overall unnecessary to the overarching plot of the show.

Now, as I’m sure lots of different fandoms are aware, filler episodes don’t equal bad. In fact some are even considered favourites in some shows. TAB is still probably my favourite Sherlock episode, maybe just behind ASIP. But that’s why I’m ranting. Because a part of why I liked it so much was because it gave me so much hope for S4′s potential. Even what it adds to the development of the characters doesn’t fit into S4 because Sherlock’s apparent newfound lust for life and trusting John’s love is destroyed by the end of TST.

So basically, when Moffat and Gatiss said that TAB was a one-off unrelated to the modern day storyline...they weren’t completely lying. :-/

#sherlock rant #sherlock series 4 #the final problem problems #tjlc #johnlock #the abominable bride

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glknight · 7 years ago

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The Naturality of Flaws: How the Shape of Water Dances Between the Natural And the Perverse

When I was 13, I saw Guillermo Del Toro’s Cronos for the first time.

It was a dreary day, raining in late Winter to early Spring, and a teaser for Cronos, followed by Steven Seagal’s Hard to Kill was on Cinemax. Having seen Hard to Kill in theaters, I sat down to watch what was touted as a “horror film” (at the time, I was watching mostly terrible B-Movies in my exploration of horror cinema like Full Moon Pictures and a good portion of the Troma catalog, and just starting to get into Foreign cinema more).

After the film ended, I skipped Hard to Kill, and dove into my library to pull out all the classic horror stories I had. Because I felt I had met a kindred spirit who loved what I love, who cared about the importance of perspective, and who holds a special place for the outsider and the ones that society deems “flawed”. And nowhere do I feel this connection more deeply than in his latest film, THE SHAPE OF WATER.

Before I fully talk about this film, let’s cover the basic plot of the film, shall we?

We follow Elisa Esposito (played by Sally Hawkins), a cleaning woman who was rendered mute from a savage mutilation of her throat and left by a river when she was a baby. Living a patterned life of sleep, masturbation to ease her loneliness while the eggs for her lunch cook, working as a graveyard shift cleaning woman at a government research facility in 1960′s Baltimore, and home again, her closest friends are her African American co-worker, Zelda (Octavia Spencer), and her neighbor, closeted gay artist Giles (Robert Jenkins). Wishing for something more, her life is changed when Agent Strickland (Michael Shannon) comes barreling into the facility with the latest “asset” in the war against the Soviets for the Space Race: an Amphibious Man (Doug Jones), worshiped as a god by a local South American tribe. While Strickland treats him like a beast, Elisa becomes enamored and shows him a gentler, more humane side as the two fall in love.

In a setting and story that most would film in monotones and starker contrasts, Del Toro shows his masterful touch by filling the grey between in hues of greens blues and orange. In each scene, the marked differences between vibrancy and sterility are as simple as a bluish white light filtering in through a rain streaked window. No matter how dark or imposing a setting may be, there’s almost always a lightened shade or colored tone playing off of or behind something to provide connotation of hope or naturality. Whether it’s the vibrant blues of the Merman’s flesh against Elisa’s paler skin, or the sterile yellows and whites of the facility as Strickland is interrogating the two female leads, or the simple aspect of whether a jello mold should be red or green, there is always a shading choice which supports the idea that the enforced notion of sterility over the importance of acceptance of the things beyond our control is wholly unhealthy. In truth, the film’s central tenant lies not in the exploration of what is and isn’t acceptable, but in the acceptance and control of one’s self when presented with their own flaws, physically, mentally, or even in standing.

In fact, it is those notions of acceptance and control that play a massive element into the choices the characters make. From Elisa’s early in life acceptance that most will be unable to understand her and how that inability to speak has empowered her in other ways (leading to a beautiful moment where she segues from sign language into a song and dance routine of Alice Faye’s “You’ll Never Know”), to Giles acceptance that his age and sexual preference are viewed as completely unwelcome but doesn’t chance his own value as a human being (having some of the most heartbreaking scenes in the entire movie), to even how Zelda and her husband’s differing actions impact the end of the film. Conversely, it is the unacceptable mindset of Strickland’s need for control, mostly viewed as cartoonish by film goers that is probably the most interesting story of all, in a clear allegory for the destruction to “keep some form of order”.

Whether through using his preferred weapon, a cattle prod designed to look like a policeman’s nightstick at the time, or through the addiction sub-plot after the Merman bites his left hand’s ring and pinkie fingers off and he begins to pop his painkillers like his favorite candies which he always carries on him to hide dealing with his clearly rotting digits. Even from the way he fucks, mechanical and specifically for his own satisfaction, quieting his wife who has more control in his own home in a move very similar to how he’s treated by his superiors in the film. Instead of accepting his flaws and communicating his thoughts, he keeps his frustrations in and takes it out on those around him. He is an interesting study into how the need for control and comfort ultimately creates true monsters nicely contrasts a secondary plot line of a Soviet agent that has infiltrated the facility, only to eventually realize he wants to escape the clutches if a program that clearly doesn’t know its own inhumanity develop into a compassionate entity far more human than Strickland. A man who in the period the film’s set in, would be set up as a protagonist for a lighthearted noir spy story about a Government agent hunting a spy within his own organization, with the secondary plot of a monster on the premises who falls in love with a mute cleaning woman. But it’s in this affiliation and empathy for the outsider that allows us to humanize those we would have relegated to filler and supporting characters and villains in the past, reminding us that the outsider matters just as much as the insider does, no matter what language they speak or who they look like.

And it’s in the outsider perspective that lead me to a very strange realization, with the location, the characterization, some of the central themes and the absurdity and love for some of the campier elements present in the film (old Hollywood, as evidenced by the inclusion of Alice Faye in “Hello Frisco, Hello”, Mr. Ed on a TV after Giles admits getting tired of seeing talk about the clear footage of the Baltimore Riots of ‘68, a very lively intrigue sequence involving Carmen Miranda, and the Story of Ruth playing in the cinema below the apartments Elisa and George live in a scant selection of references to be had). This film announces to the world that Del Toro is the surrealist, romantic equivalent of John Waters. Both men relish the outsider and all they stand for. Love the strange, the different, the eccentric. Both adhere to a Liberal view of the treatment of “the other”, the notion that they are us, and we are they. That it is in the rigidity of social acceptability and imposition of the central precept of Order and Rightness that the greatest flaws in humanity lie. That the Perverse and the Profane are quite often just a natural aspect that is forced into areas of unacceptable behavior because it grinds against the notions of what is safe and familiar. And that the only flaw we’re really all guilty of having is that we don’t let Love and Understanding dictate what is right and natural, instead falling back on the conceit of Control and imposition of Societal Importance to the great detriments of many we villainous and demonize and abuse within our own communities.

In terms of whether a film where the Creature from the Black Lagoon is coupled with a Beauty and the Beast story progression, I can definitely say this film is worth seeing. As a whole, it’s an incredibly solid film. The pacing bounces between natural and unnatural moments, suffering the occasional slow down every once in a while. The romanticizing of Old Hollywood, while fair, does tend to weigh a bit too heavy towards making the film feel bloated in its deluge of symbolism and reference. The score is effective in reminding the overall environment of the time, from catchy classic jazz numbers to the rather delicate and moody score by Alexandre Desplat. The effects and lighting are fantastic, from the plays on hues and shades to the design of the practical monster suit. And while the cast is good to excellent (clear stand-outs being Sally Hawkins, Robert Jenkins and Michael Shannon), the weight of the film being a monster story, a love story, a spy story AND a statement about the politics of the time being a darkly fantastical reflection of our current society muddies the overall tone and intention of the film. Not the best film of all time, but if you are wanting to learn how to interpret visual storytelling in an era of spectacle in a very personal way, then the Shape of Water is a must-see experience.

Although, gotta say I’m glad he stuck to classic jazz and big band numbers. Because throwing something like Franki Valley and the Four Seasons’ cover of Burt Bacharach’s “What the World Needs Now”, while on the nose like most of the film, would’ve probably been TOO blatant.

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