#I got so confused and frustrated about a really stupid and simple thing today that I just started crying

[halogalopaghost]

I just found out that a tilt table test isn't like, getting tilted back and forth for a while, you lay there for thirty minutes and then they tilt you upright REAL QUICK, im gonna fail that test so hard lmao

[trippinsorrows]

looking through your eyes + eight

authors note: so....i like cliched shit, so there's some of that here. hope it's not too much. this one is also very heavy at points, so please read the warnings, but it def has its moments that help progress the plot. also, the book referenced is a real work that we often use in therapy with survivors of sexual trauma. an excellent, powerfully healing read. i own neither the book nor the excerpt used.

if any cw/tw’s are missed, please let me know, and i will add them!

cw/tw: references to csa, aftermath of csa, character being triggered, scene of violence/torture, fluff, angst, language, and suggestive themes

song inspo: ‘looking through your eyes’ by leann rimes

masterlist

words: 12k (i clearly don't know how to stop. it is what it is)

It's out of our hands We can't stop what we have begun

---Leann Rimes

“Clarke.”

There’s a heavy sigh followed by continued writing, icy blue eyes focused on the report before her instead of the irksome man before her, no doubt giving her those ‘fuck me’ eyes that would be an HR nightmare if HR actually did any fucking thing at this precinct.

She finishes her quote before asking with all the intentional disinterest, “what do you want, Reed?”

His question, as well as his intrusion by her desk, is expected. “why aren’t you joining the rest of us for the luncheon today?”

It’s none of his business, and Danica has no issues telling him that in intentionally vague terms. “Got somewhere to be.” 

Finally looking up, she sees Reed’s gaze go cold. “Where?”

Danica drops her pin and answers in the sweetest yet nastiest voice she can muster before 10am. “Not that it’s any of your goddamn business, but the Miller girl is being released from the hospital today.”

Reed is just as confused as he is stupid. “Who?”

His obtuseness shouldn’t surprise nor irritate her, but it does. She remembers every single case she’s ever worked, and she’s certain this one will always remain at the top of the list. No matter how far she gets into her career. “Solana Miller. Xavier Miller’s daughter. The home invasion—”

“I know.” Reed’s almost relaxed, nosy disposition has entirely shifted. “Captain said the case was closed. Kid doesn’t want to press charges.”

“That kid is fucking traumatized. Don’t put that on her. Xavier is the one refusing to let us proceed.”

Reed leans forward, harshly whispering, “keep your fucking voice down, alright? Miller is…..he’s not someone you want to piss off. If he says we don’t run it, then we don’t run it, got it?”

“And who the hell is he to decide how the law works?” Clarke is also leaned over her desk, almost a month worth of pent up frustration with the lack of justice bubbling to the surface. “You read that medical report. You were on the scene. You don’t beat a grown man the way they beat that little girl. She could barely fucking walked. Dragged herself to a neighbors to ask for help. It’s a miracle she’s still alive.”

“But she is, okay?” He’s also matching her energy, just as passionate about blatant injustice as she is for said justice. “The best thing to do for that kid is to let her go home, heal, and move on with her life.”

And that’s the part that almost breaks her, that almost makes her shift from her role as an advocate to the survivor within that so deeply identifies with Solana.“You really think it’s that simple? Like she can just go back into the house where she was raped and almost killed and pretend like nothing happened?”

“No, I don’t know, Clarke, and quite frankly, I don’t care. I’m moving on and picking my battles wisely.” His voice switches to something ominous. “And if you knew what was good for you, you’d move on too.”

Aware of the underlying implications of his warning, she calls his bluff, “you threatening me?”

“Believe it or not, I actually do like you, Danica, but you’re playing a dangerous game.” Reed’s voice lowers again, and Danica almost feels like he’s trying to be genuine. “I know you’re still new around here, so let me give some free advice. Xavier Miller is a dangerous man. He’s got friends in places you don’t want to find out about. Leave this alone before you’re the next mutilated body we find floating in the river, alright?”

________

Danica Clarke has always been stubborn, a trait she’s certain will lead to her demise, but if this is the route that brings her to said demise, she’s okay with it. 

Danica waits in the doorway, aware of how knocking can be alarming. She waits and assesses for the moment Solana’s gaze is close enough to where she won’t be as startled. “Hey there, pretty girl….”

Sure enough, Solana jumps a bit, and Danica is pleased to see the swelling on her face has gone down tremendously and the bruising has started to fade to an almost flesh toned color. She looks less at death’s door than the first time Danica was introduced to the 12-year-old.

“Can I come in?”

As expected, Solana doesn’t say anything, just nods quietly. 

Danica moves to sit in the chair on the side of the bed. “Heard you were getting released today….” Danica studies Solana carefully, adding kindly, “may be kinda nice to have a change of scenery.”

Solana remains quiet, but Danica has been around enough survivors, remembers her own survivor story, to know that nothing feels nice or good in the immediate aftermath. There’s just numbness and pain. No in-between.

“I’m so sorry there’s nothing more I can do to help you, Solana. I really am.” And she means that with every fiber of her being. “You didn’t deserve this. You deserve justice, and I wish there was more I could do, but….my hands are tied.” Danica’s only been at this precinct for less than six months, and while asking to be transferred won’t be a good look when evaluations roll around, she doesn’t give a fuck. She can’t serve with bastards who would let sick fucks like Solana’s attackers walk around freely. 

It’s too repulsive.

“But, I do…..I want to give you something.” Danica reaches into her backpack and pulls out something she hasn’t had to look at in years. A book, thick, with yellow, paperback binding. The edges are a bit worn, and certain parts are highlighted, but it’s still just as powerful nonetheless. “When I was….a little younger than you, I was raped too.” Danica sees Solana’s gaze lift up, surprise and shock written on her face. “And it wasn’t until I was a freshman in college that I started to heal and finally process what’d happened to me.” Danica’s lips press together. “The counselor I saw in college, she gave me this book, and it changed my life.”

Solana looks down, reading the title, typed in big, black letters: The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse.

“I wanna read something out of it for you, if that’s alright?” Consent, especially now, is everything, so Danica waits patiently for Solana again to nod, permitting her permission to read. 

With a deep breath to also prepare herself for revisiting the past, she begins reading a passage that Solana can see she has highlighted. 

“I know you're in a world of pain, but that pain will lessen. At the beginning you can't see that. You can only see your pain and you think it will never go away. But the nature of pain is that it changes— it changes like a sunset. At first, it's this intense red-orange in the sky, and then it starts getting softer and soften. The texture of pain changes as you work through it. And then one day, you wake up and realize that life isn't just about working through your abuse; it's about living, too.”

Danica looks up to see Solana sniffling, wiping at her eyes. She’s tempted to reach and take her hand, but she also knows better, knows that the last thing this child wants is to be touched.

“I want you to have this, Solana. I want you to take it, and when you’re older, when you’re ready to reclaim your voice, and you will, I want you to read every word in here. From cover to back cover. You’re gonna be okay, sweetie. You don’t feel it now, but you have to believe it.” Her eyes gloss over. “Don’t ever stop living, Solana.”

“Solana.”

Flashbacks and memories from that time of her life don’t happen often, and it’s an intentional thing on Solana’s part.

She doesn’t like thinking about that part, but this certain memory has now revisited her a total of three times now. Twice in a dream and now in the middle of a conversation with Bayley and Naomi.

That…..that can’t be a coincidence.

“I’m sorry.” Apologizing seems like the most appropriate thing until Naomi shakes her head.

“Roman said we’re not supposed to accept or condone you apologizing for anything, so imma pretend like I didn’t hear that, sis.” 

Roman….

He confuses her. 

He’s certainly unlike any man she’s ever met. And though that number is far from generous, he’s still the anomaly. 

After essentially rejecting what was an….interesting, unfamiliar, different experience between the two of them, she expected him to be upset. To be frustrated. To be absolutely all over her baggage. To ignore her.

But, that’s not what happened, none of that has happened. Instead, he’s carried on like nothing happened, like she didn’t run away from him in near tears. 

Like they didn’t….like they didn’t almost have a moment.

He’s stayed true to his word in that he’s met her every day after work in the week that’s passed. And while the first day was awkward, mostly on her part, they’ve fallen back in that same confusing yet peaceful space. 

Confusing yet peaceful…that seems to be the theme since the day she said “I do.”

It’s not uncomfortable nor unpreferred over where she came from.

It’s just…..different. 

“Oh—okay.” Solana doesn’t know what else to say but notices that Naomi looks like she has something else to say but is hesitant. “Is—is everything okay?”

That seems to be the door that paves the way for said conversation.  “I’ve been thinking. You’ve come a long way. Like, you’ve really got the basics down, all the defensive positions, even fluidity of movement.” It’s leading up to something, Solana is certain of this, but it also means a lot to her that Naomi believes she’s progressed. Doing well with this or even retaining Naomi’s training is something she never saw for herself. “I want to advance you to learning attacks. Solana’s stomach starts to tighten. “With weapons.”

And there it is.

Solana winces. “Weapons?”

Bayley sighs, joining in to help Naomi present her case. “We wanna teach you how to use knives.” Solana’s stomach tightening quickly morphs into twists and knots. “Hear me out, please. I know….I know that’s gotta be a sensitive thing for you, and I totally understand why, but knife fighting is a really great skill to have, even if just to have one on you at all times and know how to use it if need be.”

“And let’s be honest, Roman isn’t going to let anything happen to you to where you would need it, but still.” Something tells Solana Naomi isn’t wrong about that. That neither woman is wrong in what they’re saying, but just the conversation brings back flashes of that night, the night that left the physical and mental scars she still bears now.

Bayley offers a sympathetic smile. “Just think about it, okay?” Solana can do that. She will do that, just….maybe not right now.

And she doesn’t have to because Roman and the twins suddenly enter the gym space. Solana’s stomach tightens seeing Roman shirtless, a sight that’s happened a couple times now, and each time doesn’t seem to make it any easier on her nerves. If anything, it gets worse.

“Whassup, ladies.” Jey greets, clapping his hands as he asks, “ya’ll ready for tonight?”

“Tonight?” Solana speaks up, not directing her question to anyone in particular, but Bayley is the one to answer. “What—what’s tonight?”

“Night of Champions.” She then goes on to explain. “It’s one of our annual wrestling events. Naomi and I are competing.”

Curious, Solana turns to Roman. “Are you fighting?” 

Jimmy, however, is the one to answer. “Soso, Big Dog don’t do these events no more. Not very often anyway, but he’ll be there.”

“Can I come?” Solana directs her question to Roman, knowing that it will be his call. He eyes her unexpectedly. 

“You want to?”

She nods, referring to the group. “I—I wanna see them fight.”

It also feels like the right thing to do, to support the two women who’ve been nothing but supportive of her since day one. Even Jimmy and Jey with their often inappropriate comments about her body and continuous praise over her cooking abilities. It’s still always been very respectful in a strange sort of way.

Roman steps towards her, and Solana finds that it takes a concentrated effort to keep her eyes on his and to not gaze downward. Him being shirtless before her doesn’t help with the attraction she’s still trying to wrap her head around and navigate. 

He lowers his voice, asking, “you sure?”

She’s confused only for a second when she remembers why he seems to be ensuring this is what she wants. This will be the first time Solana has returned to the Warehouse since Grayson and Austin’s attack, since she caused a whole scene that resulted in the whole damn place being shut down and Roman sending a grim message to all.

For a second, she backs away, retreats from her initial desire. Briefly tells herself that this isn’t what she wants, but that other distant voice in the back of her head, not as present or loud, seems to win the battle this time around.

“Yes,” is the final answer she settles on. “I’ll be fine.”

Roman nods, informing. “We leave at 6:30.”

Solana starts to wonder about what this night could entail when Jey suddenly expresses, “It’s kinda nice outside. I think I’m gonna go for a swim. Get in that aquatic cardio.” 

Jimmy also cosigns this after sharing a quick kiss with Naomi. “Oh shit, yeah, lets’ do it

Roman is instantly annoyed, asking with all of the exasperation. “Don’t ya’ll have a pool at your houses?”

“Yeah, but yours is nicer.” Jimmy answers like it’s the simplest thing in the world. He then looks over at Solana, asking, “you joining us, Soso?”

And that, not the idea of returning to the place where she was almost attacked, is what brings on the heavier anxiety. Once upon a time, Solana loved the pool. Swimming with her mom on hot, summer scorching days used to be some of her favorite memories. Now, those memories are plagued with flashbacks of being held under water, a form of torture implemented by her brother.

“N–no.” Solana catches Roman’s gaze on her, the way his eyes dip to her running her fingers against the sides of her workout pants. “I—ummm—I’m going into work for a little bit today, so I should get ready to go.”

Roman speaks up first, skeptical.  “I didn’t know you were going in today.”

“I have to take care of something.”

Solana being vague is new, it’s unfamiliar, and it doesn’t feel the best to lie to him in a sense. Even if it’s less a lie and more a vague answer. 

There is something she needs to take care of. She just has no desire or even ability to tell him just what she needs to take care of, because that would mean she has to tell him the why, and that is something she’s never discussed with anyone and has no desire ever to.

________

Dear Mom,

I’m sorry I haven’t written you as much. Life has been….very confusing and different, but not bad. I think….I think I like living here.

I like Bayley and Naomi. They’re so nice to me. I think you would like them too. Bayley is Mexican, so we talk in Spanish sometimes, and I love that because it reminds me of us, mama, all our conversations and writings.

Jimmy and Jey, Roman’s cousins, make me laugh. They’re also nice to me, and they really like my cooking, your cooking. I still use a lot of the recipes you taught me.

I finally have a dog, mami! Her name is Dulce. She’s so sweet and little and adorable. Roman got her for me. 

Roman…

He’s not what I expected. I don’t….I don’t understand why he’s nice to me. Cause that’s what it is. That much I’ve finally realized. He’s….nice to me. 

I’ve never had a man be nice to me. 

We had….something happen a week ago. I still don’t really know how to describe it, just that he was touching me, not even inappropriately. And I think…..I think I liked it, but then I got scared because it was like….it was like it wasn’t him touching me. It was them. 

And I….I hate that. I hate it because it’s miserable feeling this way. Wanting something but not wanting it. Being scared of something but wanting it. Desiring to be close to someone but not wanting that either.

I feel so torn sometimes. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about that book the detective gave me after it happened. There’s gotta be a reason I kept it all these years. I think….I think I want to read it.

I don’t know what to expect, and I’m nervous because I don’t like thinking about it, but I can’t, I don’t, want to keep living like this.

I can’t.

________

When Solana asked to attend Night of Champions, she was thinking it would be similar to WarGames. A foolish assumption. It is in the sense that the arena area is packed, not a single seat unoccupied, the boisterous sound of loud chatter and music serving as a backdrop against said chatter. That’s all the same and unchanged.

What is different and what Solana should have thought about was the fact that the two women who made her feel so comfortable last time won’t be there this time, because they’re competing. And so are the twins. 

And Nicki is apparently upset with Jey—a recurrent theme, it seems—so she also won’t be present.

That leaves one person.

Roman.

Solana didn’t think about the fact that she’d be seated with Roman. It’s not as nerve-racking as it could be, as it probably would have been almost three months ago when this whole new, unexpected chapter of her life began. 

But, it’s still a bit anxiety inducing.

She doesn’t miss how Roman’s grip on her hand remains firm on hers from the moment he helps her out the SUV, his eyes again taking her in the same way he did when she met him back in his office to tell him she was ready to go.

Solana initially felt unsure of herself given the fact that Naomi and Bayley could only pick out her outfit, shoes, and accessories for the night but couldn’t actually help her get ready given the fact that they were competing. Solana struggled to navigate her hair, as always, pinning it up on her head, and her makeup definitely isn’t as nice as the night of WarGames, but it mostly covers up her facial scar, and that’s all that matters.

Still, she must not look completely awful because Roman did not hesitate to give her a slow one over followed by a muttered “damn” and more vocalized, “fuck, you look good.”

She’s starting to lose count of how many times he’s said that now, and each new occurrence still gives her the same butterflies as the first time.

Roman escorts them to their seats, the twins and Paul already being present. Jimmy is the first to speak, whistling loudly.

“Damn, Soso. How we supposed to fight and you distracting us looking all fine and shit?”

“If you want to live and make it to the actual fight, you’ll shut the fuck up.” It’s hard for Solana to tell just when Roman is being completely honest with his cousins or just deadly honest with his cousins. 

This is one of those moments. 

“Thank you.” She doesn’t know what else to say, what kind of response is appropriate to something that isn’t as so.

Roman then motions for Solana to sit down and easily props his big body down in the seat right next to her. Their arms are nearly touching, but she tries not to think of that. Tries to distract herself by asking the twins, “shouldn’t you be in the locker room?”

“Naw, we fight toward the end of the night, so we like to assess with Roman till then.”

“Assess?”

While Jey was the one to provide the initial answer, Jimmy handles the clarification. “You gon be a member of the Warehouse, you gotta earn that shit. That means doing your thing in the ring. You ain’t cutting it, you out.”

Solana nods, quietly. It makes sense. Roman seems like a man with high standards. “So…you all have the final say?”

Jimmy takes a sip of his beer, shaking and nodding his head toward his cousin. “Naw, that’s all Big Dog.”

Solana glances at her husband who’s focused not necessarily on the conversation at hand but the preparation for what’s sure to be an eventful night. 

“If you don’t mind, My Tribal Chief is trying to focus here.” Paul’s voice, equally nice as it is nasty, reminds her of his presence. For some reason, she’s surprised by said presence, though she shouldn’t be. It’s clear the Wise Man is an important asset to Roman. 

“Whassup, my dogs!”

Just then a lanky man comes over to the group. He’s wearing a black t-shirt that says ‘honorary uce’ and has wild red hair that looks like it hasn’t seen a brush in weeks. Solana takes a second to look at him, finding him strangely familiar. It’s then she realizes that he fought with Roman, Solo, and the twins during WarGames.

He goes for some kind of special handshake with Jimmy, then Jey, and finally Roman who looks like he’s contemplating murder rather than wanting to return the greeting. He quickly plays it off, “that is well—okay my tribal chief, and—wow—” Him turning to Solana, finally noticing and acknowledging her, is an experience for the both of them. She notices his initial gaze sets on her chest which is uncomfortable but not entirely unexpected given the style of her dress. Still, she shifts in her seat, uneasy with the attention. “Those are—-ummm—” His eyes go wide, as he moves to backtrack on an obvious Freudian slip. “I mean, it’s uh, very nice to meet you, ma’am, or Mrs. Reigns, or your highness. Whichever you prefer is a-okay with—“

“Sami.”

His shoulders hunch and head drops in shame, like he already knows what’s coming. “Yes, Tribal Chief?”

“Go sit somewhere else.”

This Sami person doesn’t even hesitate, confirming he already knew he fucked up in the less than five minutes he was present. “Yes, my Tribal Chief.”

Solana watches, still partially confused but also kind of amused as he wastes no time in departing. 

Paul then leans over, chatting away, “I told you, my Tribal Chief, I never liked Shmuel. He’s always been so beneath you. I understand he makes easy collateral, but—“

Roman sighs loudly. “Wise Man.”

“Yes, my Tribal Chief?”

“Go join Sami.”

“But……” Solana looks over at Paul. His expression is one of devastation, like he’s just been told he had six months to live. “I—I always sit with you for Night of Champ—“

“Wise Man.”

Paul swallows. “Yes, my Tribal Chief?”

“I’m not gon tell you again.” Roman finally looks over at his closest advisor, forcefully enunciating and instructing, “go.”

Similar to Sami, the Wise Man walks off with his tail between his legs, leaving just Solana, Roman, and the twins. 

She has no idea where Solo is. 

“See, now you ain’t even have to do all that, Big Dog. You be getting yourself all upset over nothing. You need to start doing some deep breathing or shit, then maybe you could get off them high blood pressure pills.” 

It’s that last part that Solana zones in on, that makes her turn to Roman, “you have high blood pressure?”

He lifts his eyes, dismissing, “it’s nothing.”

“Can’t—can’t that be dangerous?” It’s not necessarily a question she needs him to answer. Solana is well read on a variety of subjects, especially subjects pertaining to physical health. High blood pressure can mess with a lot of things, a lot of organs. Eyes. Brain.

Heart

Jimmy is the one to chime in, asking with that typical tone of humor. “Soso, you do know what he does for a living right?”

But, it’s hard for her to find said humor when all she’s thinking about now is how certain meals she’s prepared for him could maybe not be the best for his high blood pressure. How she could be exacerbating that.

Feeling pressured by her inner monologue, she offers, “I can change how I cook for you.” And she can. She probably will, making a mental note to peruse through her mom’s recipe books that would be more aligned with the type of diet he probably needs. “I know there’s certain things you probably shouldn’t eat—”

“Solana.” He interrupts, but it’s not with that same irritation he had towards Sami and Paul. “I’m fine. My numbers weren't that bad. The doctor is just being over cautious.”

She wants to believe him, wants to not be as…bothered by this as she is, but something tells her Roman isn’t unlike most men who downplay these sorts of things.

Letting the conversation go, her determination to help him maintain his health remains. 

The conversation shifts to a dialogue between the twins and Roman, the three men conversing in Samoan. She doesn’t mind this, as it also allows her the space to catch the gaze of Bayley and Naomi who look freaking amazing in their gear.

“Soso.”

“I swear to God, if you call her that one more fucking time—”

Jey, possibly foolishly, waves off Roman’s threat. “You understand Yeet, right?”

Blinking twice, she asks, “what?”

“Yeet,” Jimmy says it too, like it’s as basic a word as they come. “Our motto.”

“I—” Honesty is a bit easier with her husband’s cousins. “N–no.”

“Man,” Jey makes a sound with his teeth and jumps right into the explanation. “It’s like a way of life. Like, you yeet when life going good—”

“—when life going bad.”

“—or when you leaving.”

“—or going.”

“It’s a way of life.”

Jimmy and Jey playing off of each other for their presentation is entertaining, at best, but it doesn’t leave her any less confused than she was just a minute ago.

“I—I still don’t get it.”

And that, for the first time, is when Solana hears Roman laugh. It’s not something she ever thought possible, but it’s there, his handsome face turned into an amusing expression as he expresses vindication. “I told you it was fucking stupid.”

“See, I thought we was close, Soso. I thought we was becoming family and shit, but I see you a hater like your husband.”

At that, Jey punches his brother on the arm, reminding with a rough mutter, “man, she be cooking, don’t be fucking up our good thing.”

“Aww shit.” Jimmy quickly moves to backtrack. “I mean, I could see your point.”

Conversation continues as such until the start of the night, Solana watching as the three men around her easily shift into an almost business mode. Their gazes are almost intense, watching closely as matches begin.

Solana partially expected to have to sit and remain quiet for the evening, but certain moves, similar to what Naomi and Bayley have taught her, catch her attention. And it must show, because Solana finds herself occasionally being asked by Roman if she has any questions or if she understands why a fighter did a certain mood.

Some she can answer. Some she cannot. 

So she asks him.

And he answers all of them, clearly, concisely, in a way she can understand.

If Roman is irritated by any of her questions, he does a damn good job not showing as such. And to her credit, she does her best to take a guess vs asking outright with certain things, pulling from her time with Bayley and Naomi. 

And in certain matches, she’s fully immersed in watching their expertise that questions aren’t even a thing. Like the tag team match between two of the most beautiful women she’s ever seen, Jade and Bianca, as Roman called them. Same with Naomi and Bayley who independently show her a side of their ruthlessness she figured existed but hadn’t seen firsthand until tonight.

“Do you all learn how to fight when you’re kids?”

“More or less,” Roman answers, and Solana has a hard time not staring, not being caught up by how handsome this man really is. “This life….it’s kill or be killed. So to not be killed, you learn how to fight. How to survive.”

Survive…

Solana has such a complicated relationship with that otherwise simple word. 

“How come….how come you don’t fight as much?” She’s wondered about this, come up with speculation but would like to know for certain, especially as he seems to be in a relatively decent mood.

Like most things, he keeps his answer nice, simple, and vague. “I don’t have anything to prove to anyone.”

“Did–did you?” He looks over at her, and warmth rises back as she tries to clarify. “At some point, I mean.”

Again, it’s a one-worded response. “Yes.”

She’s not entirely sure just what he’s saying ‘yes’ to, but a full blown out explanation was never expected. He doesn’t seem like the type. But something more would have been….nice. Granted, Solana realizes she’s probably pushing her luck in asking all these questions anyway and sits back in her seat, relegating herself to focusing on the current match.

The chill of the arena makes its reminder yet again as Solana crosses her arms over her body, trying to warm herself. The man beside herself notices this, accurately assessing, “you’re cold.”

True to her nature, Solana shakes her head, downplaying the fact that she is very much cold. “I’m fine.”

Downplaying or being outright dishonest is clearly something Solana would do well to push away, because it seems like this man is capable of seeing right through any and all lies.

Roman shifts forward in his seat and removes his jacket, reaching it to her. “Here.”

Rejection would be rude. It would also make her feel even more bad than she already does at inconveniencing him. Still, her options are really singular, meaning there are no others. Only one.

Mustering a small smile, she accepts his objectively kind gesture, sliding her arms through and adjusting as best she can given their size difference. Warmth overcomes her as well as the scent of his collage, something masculine, almost minty. It fits him.

Silence befalls them for a comfortable while before Solana excuses herself to use the bathroom, Roman only nodding in acknowledgment. 

It’s in walking down the hall that Solana sees Jade and Bianca chatting away, admiring their championship belts. The taller of the two, Jade, happens to glance her way and smiles, exclaiming, “Girl, you are wearing the hell out of that dress!”

“Absolutely killing it,” Bianca also compliments, her smile just as genuine and affable. 

Solana is certain she’s just staring dumbly for a good couple of seconds, because such a compliment from two objectively stunning women towards her was the last thing she expected. 

Descending off her shock, she offers an equally genuine smile and expression of appreciation. “Thank you so much.”

The compliment keeps that smile planted on her face. It’s so unexpected but deeply appreciated.  

Solana dries her hands and tosses the used paper towels in the trash. It’s a brief glance at herself in the mirror that serves as the start of the slippery slope, landing her back in a brief state of uncertainty. The dress is so revealing, much more revealing than anything she could or would ever wear. But it’s hard to think or sit too much in that discomfort when the night has consisted of several compliments. Sami, Jimmy, Jey, now Bianca and Jade. Not to mention the biggest one, or maybe the one that gives her the most butterflies, coming from Roman. 

“Fuck, you look good.”

Her smile shifts from something more silly to something a bit more bashful, her cheeks warming at someone as handsome and powerful as Roman Reigns thinking that she looks good.

Thinking that she’s beautiful.

A toilet flushes from the only other taken stall, and the door opening reveals the perfect reason why Solana should have just went straight back to join Roman instead of having a mental discourse in the bathroom.

Samantha’s long, shapely legs are the first thing Solana notices along with the way her dress melts to her toned, curvy body. She looks good, and she has to know that she looks good. A woman like her probably has men lined up by the dozen, Roman being at the front of that line. 

Samantha’s dark lips form into a smirk as she walks over to the sink. “Surprised to see you tonight.” She moves to wash her hands. “After that not so little incident a while back, I figured that was the last day you’d step foot in here.”

Solana swallows. She’s managed to not think about that day since it happened. Samantha bringing it up is definitely salt on an open wound. “I—umm.”

“Nice dress. A lil snug though. Maybe go up a size next time?” Her voice, so sweet and sugary, is also venomous and knowing. “Or two.”

Solana’s hands naturally move to her stomach, forearms trying to block the part of her body she hates the most and is certain Samantha is primarily referring to.

“Sage, right?” She doesn’t give Solana a chance to respond. “Let me give you some advice. Woman to woman.”

Something tells Solana she’s not going to like this advice. 

Samantha dries her hands and walks up to Solana. “I know you’re Roman’s wife, but you can’t seriously think that means anything to him, right? It’s just a title, and he’ll defend you only because it’s defending his pride.” Solana tries to not put too much into Samantha’s hurtful words, but it’s hard not to when Solana knows Roman continues to be intimate with this woman, even after their marriage. She can’t blame him for that, though, especially since he’s definitely not getting it from her. Still, it does sting a bit. “Trust me, I’ve known him very well since we were in high school.” Samantha smirks, chuckling. “So, I would know.”

“Bitch, you don’t know shit.”

The last voice Solana expected to enter the conversation was that of Nia’s. But sure enough, Roman’s’ cousin stands near the bathroom door, arms crossed over her body. 

Samantha’s expression sours tremendously as she icily greets the other woman, bigger, stronger, maybe even prettier. “Nia.”

Nia ignores the greeting and comes to stand near Solana, immediately going in on the slender women. “If you know him so well and you supposedly mean that much to him, how come it’s not you with a wedding ring on your finger?” Solana says nothing, keeping her gaze down, but it doesn’t stop her from also thinking about that very valid question. Just why didn’t Roman marry Samantha? “Or better yet,” Solana glancing back up allows her to see Nia’s cruel smile. “Why is it Solana’s name he said when he was fucking you?”

What?

Solana is visibly shaken by that because where in the hell did that even come from? There’s no way that can be true. No way Roman could be in bed with someone like Samantha and say her name. 

But Samantha is visibly disturbed, lip almost curling into an almost snarl as she spits, “fuck you, Nia.”

“I’d call you Solana too, so I don’t think you’d want that.”

Samantha storms out of the bathroom without another word leaving Solana alone with Nia, Solana who is still trying to process what was just said and finds herself asking Nia. 

“Is—is that true? Did you—did you really hear about Roman—ummm—”

Typically, Solana would keep her questions in the safety of her mind, but this…..this feels almost impossible to not seek clarification on. 

“You know he’s my cousin, right?” Nia looks visibly disgusted but still answers her question. “I would never make something up like that about family. Samantha is a blabber mouth that doesn’t realize she shares her shit with that dumbass best friend of hers, Tiffy, and the whole town knows.”

The answer is appreciated, but it still leaves Solana with so many questions. 

“I—I don’t understand.” Again, it’s something meant to stay inside but manages to slip past the cracks. 

“God, you are naive.” Nia rolls her eyes and explains while crossing her arms. “Sweetie, if a man is balls deep in Woman A and says Woman B’s name, Woman A is not who he wants.” 

That seems almost inconceivable to Solana. For Roman to think she looks good and maybe even consider her beautiful is one thing, but for him to desire her in that way is something entirely different.

She doesn’t know what to do with this information.

“Don’t let that skinny bitch get to you.” Nia seems eager to switch the conversation to something different. “She’s a pussy. All bark and no bite. Remember, you have the ring on your finger. You just have to put her in her place one good time, and she’ll leave you be. And if not, let Roman know. He’d never hurt or kill her himself, but he’d definitely ask me to, and truth be told, I’ve wanted to snap that bitch’s neck since high school, so you’d be doing everyone a favor.”

Solana can’t allow herself, or maybe more so doesn’t have the capacity, to think about that right now. She’s still trying to get a grip on chapter one. Still, she offers a quiet ‘thank you’ to Nia, turning to leave when the taller woman says her name. Solana turns back around. “Yes?”

Nia sighs and rolls her eyes. “I know you think I hate you, but I don’t. I may hate how soft you are, but I don’t hate you.” Nia then smirks with an almost playful add on of, “I don’t care enough about you to hate you.”

________

As expected, Roman is immediately asking what took so long the second Solana is back in her seat. 

Her excuse is weak. She tells him that there was a line, but it’s the best thing she can come up with on the spot. His expression is all the answer she needs that he certainly doesn’t believe her but will let it go.

For now. 

The rest of the night seems to be more of a blur, Solana now more consumed with trying to wrap her head around this newest bit of information. 

The twins end up finishing off the event with a brutal but successful match where they, as expected, retain their tag team titles.  

Solana could see this, understandably, pleased Roman. 

And outside of some constructive criticism towards Jey and Jimmy, Roman expressed his desire to leave as soon as they got cleaned up, which took less time than she expected. He’s guiding them, her, out to leave, her hand still in his, when a thickly accented voice calls the attention of the man beside her. 

“Roman Reigns.”

Solana can barely turn around to the source of the voice when Roman’s muscled arm is stretched across her body, moving her behind him, his big body serving as an impenetrable shield.

Because of their height difference, Solana can’t see a whole lot outside of the instant shift of security and even the twins toward whoever this person is. 

“How wonderful for you to bless us with your presence so soon after WarGames.” The man scoffs, clearly trying to bait Roman. “What is this, the second appearance in how many years? Hell hath fuckin’ froze over.”

Solana catches a brief glance of the mystery man and gasps. He has an imposing figure, similar to Roman but there’s something cold about him, something….sinister. 

“How dare you acknowledge the Tribal Chief—” Roman lifts his hand to silence Paul. 

Roman simply states, “talk.” 

“You know what I want, Reigns.” Solana hears a footstep and notices how Roman makes a subtle movement that results in the twins also moving closer towards her, shielding her from this man. “You don’t deserve that title. You may have been a fighter then, but you ain’t now. You’re about the Bloodline, and I respect that, mate, but the Undisputed title deserves to be with someone who defends it more than once a fucking year.”

“So what, you think you the one who gon’ take it? Man, we outta kill your ass right now for talking out your neck like that to our Tribal Chief!”

Solana hates being unable to see Roman, to see his face, to be able to gauge and read his facial expressions. He’s an enigma of a man, typically oscillating between irritated, angry, and indifferent, but not having the option altogether to know where he currently lands is bothersome.  Especially with what comes out of his mouth next.

“Do something.”

Solana freezes. That….that can’t be good.

“You standing up on me. You make a good tough guy face. Do something.”

Solana’s fingers tap against her side, that familiar knotting in her stomach returning. She glances over at Jey who seems to also be a bit confused by Roman’s response.

“Uce—”

Roman ignores him. “Go on. Pull it.”

Jimmy speaks up this time, rough voice quiet but urgent. “Roman, we got Solana here—”

“Come on. Make it happen. What’s different? Ain’t nothing changed. Think back to the last time you challenged me.” Solana hates when Roman moves away from her, because it means he’s a step closer to this man, this man who seems determined to pick a fight with the Tribal Chief and may get just that. “Think about it. I whooped you then. I’ll whoop you now.” Roman speaks with such a confidence about him, the most violent, straightforward promise of sure brutality she’s ever heard from a man. “Ain’t nothing changed.”

Solana isn’t necessarily thinking about what she’s doing when she suddenly moves herself in between Roman and this man who’s apparently hellbent on getting her husband riled up. It’s another unconscious act as she plants her palms against his chest, both relieved and nervous by how his gaze instantly drops to hers.

Solana licks her lips and finds herself pleading in an unexpectedly calm yet typically soft voice. “Let’s just go.” His initial expression of fury and simmering anger seems to lessen the longer he looks at her, and Solana adds on, desperately. “Please.”

This act of boldness is completely unplanned and entirely stems from Solana unable to stop thinking about how Roman being so upset all the time can’t be good for his blood pressure. It can’t be good for his health. 

And for reasons she doesn’t quite understand, that bothers her. It concerns her. 

Him not being healthy concerns her.

What does not surprisingly concern her is when Roman moves his hands down to her hips and almost gently moves her to the side, forcing her hands to drop. She expects him to lunge at the other man or to scold her for interfering, but he does neither.

He steps toward him and simply states with all the coldness, “you’ve got your match, but I set the date when I want it.” Solana’s more or less holding her breath, waiting for Roman to strike the man, or worse. “But know this, McIntyre, you step in that ring with me again, I’m not just ending your career this time, I’m ending your fucking life.”

Roman’s threat sends uneasy chills down her spine. There’s no mistaking Roman’s promise, something she’s certain he will be sure to fulfill.

He then takes her hand again and moves her to the side opposite of the man who looks like he hates Roman as much as Roman probably hates him. Solana is almost entirely eclipsed by Roman’s big body as he walks her past the ordeal.

The car ride is a bit uncomfortably silent, Solana recognizing that Roman is still seething from the exchange but most likely waiting until she’s out of his vicinity to express that rage. 

But, it's when she’s walking back in the house after letting Dulce do her business that Roman catches and speaks to her. 

“Solana.” He’s leaning back against the counter, big arms crossed over his muscular body. He’s so….big. “What happened when you went to the bathroom tonight?”

She can’t be surprised, can’t feel caught off guard by his question. It’s still not something she necessarily wants to talk about or knows how to discuss, but she’ll do the best she can. 

“I ran into Samantha.” Taking a deep breath, she tries her hardest to keep it vague but still an acceptable answer. “I don’t—I don’t think she likes me.”

At that, Roman nearly growls, “what did that bitch say to you?”

Solana winces at his tone. “It wasn’t that bad…”

He’s quick with the dismissal and redirection. “That’s not what I asked you.”

“She just—she just talked about my outfit, that—that was it, because Nia came in there, and well, I don’t—I think Nia might hate her more than she hates me.”

Roman sighs, running his hand over his face. “I’ll handle Samantha.” Before Solana can protest, he adds, “Nia doesn’t hate you.”

This brings a small smile to Solana’s face. “That's what she said.”

Roman also looks slightly amused by this, studying her for a second. “Solana.” The surprises keep on coming, because he takes an unexpected turn in the conversation. “I almost lost my temper tonight.”

This….this feels true. His issuance of threats were delivered in an almost calm manner, but it was more deceptive than anything. Like a setup for violence that was potentially about to unfold if she didn’t interfere.

Still, nothing ended up happening, so it doesn’t make sense for him to act like it did.

“But, you didn’t,” she points out quietly, offering a bit of an olive branch. “And….you were upset.” 

Solana would maybe argue that he’s always in varying states of upsetness, but that’s not the point of the conversation at hand. 

“I have no shortage of enemies, Solana.” His voice takes on a darker, almost subdued tone. It makes her previously amused expression slip into something more somber. “But, I need you to know that I would never do anything that would put you in danger. Drew wanted to issue his challenge. That’s it. He wasn’t going to do anything, because he wants an audience for that. I had it under control.” Solana isn’t questioning that nor did she plan to, but Roman’s next question definitely takes her for a loop. “Were you scared?”

It’s a valid, understandable question that she didn’t think about until this moment. There was anxiety, maybe some element of fear but also concern, so she decides to play down the first two. 

“I wasn’t scared.” It was more concern than fear, which, in her mind, are two different things. “Just….confused about what was happening.”

“That’s not what I meant.” His dismissal is nicer than what anyone else would receive. “Of me, Solana. Were you scared of me?”

Another valid question that she’s actually been thinking about on and off for the past few weeks. Solana would like to consider herself not naive to a lot of things about this life that she was born into. She knows that most of the people who surround her are killers. And Roman is no different. The king of that, maybe.

But…..

But, he’s done nothing thus far to make her ever believe she would ever be subjected to that side of him. If anything, he’s worked to stress and help her understand that she’d never be hurt by him. And adding up all of the things he’s done to support said message, Solana feels it only appropriate to be honest with him. 

About more than just his question.

“When—-when the twins asked earlier today if I wanted to go in the pool, I got nervous because—-” Solana displays her textbook signs of discomfort with the stammering and playing with her fingers but still manages to get out what she wants to share. “Wes, he used to…..hold my head under water until I almost passed out.” Solana looks away for a second, shifting her weight from one foot to another. “That……that’s who I’m afraid of.” Solana manages to set her gaze back on Roman, almost confidently assuring, “I’m not scared of you, Roman.”

He steps toward her, and Solana’s eyes never leave his, mindful of the way his hand lifts, tensing when he rests it against her face, palming her cheek almost gently. Solana stiffens but easily shifts into something not calm but not on edge either. “You don’t have to be scared of him anymore, of anyone. I won’t let anyone else ever hurt you again.”

And for the first time, she believes him without the speck of doubt and uncertainty in the backseat. Solana has seen nothing from the man before her to indicate otherwise. She doesn’t know a lot of things regarding him, regarding them, regarding just why he’s so hellbent on defending her, but one thing she’s realized is that he’s intentional and determined with his dedication to protect her.

This is similar, very similar, too similar to that night where her fears got the best of her, where she was unable to overpower the discomfort and fear. But, this isn’t that night, and Solana doesn’t feel that building dread in the core of her stomach. It could be the fact that it’s only one hand on her, cupping her face. Nowhere else.

It could even be a very early sign that maybe, just maybe, that book she was given so long ago really does have the healing properties someone from so long ago once promised. 

There’s even her conversation with Nia from earlier that sits in the back of her mind, the undeniable confirmation of Roman’s attraction to her. Enough to where he would say her name during that.

Whatever the case, she doesn’t move away, just nods quietly, slowly moving away from him. 

“I’m—I’m gonna get ready for bed.”

Roman says nothing, also nodding as acknowledgment, watching as Solana grabs Dulce and disappears out of his sight but not the front of his mind.

________

The Reigns estate is as spacious as it is grandiose. There are several ways and paths to reach a destination. 

So, Roman doesn’t have to pass Solana’s room to reach his bedroom. There’s an alternative route in coming from where he was working, but he decides this specific way for reasons he’s not entirely sure of.

It ends up being a good decision because it’s in walking past her door that he hears low scraping against said door. Instantly, he knows it’s Dulce clearly needing to go outside. And she confirms as such with her soft whimpering. 

Rolling his eyes, Roman opens the door just enough for Dulce to run out, stopping when she sees it’s him. He glances at the bed to see Solana sleeping, open book on her chest, indicating she fell asleep while reading.

Dulce whines again, and he chides quietly, “be quiet before you wake her up.”

Dulce’s ears go down as Roman picks up the puppy that’s still too little to walk up and down the steps, hence needing human transportation. It’s annoying, but he brings her down the steps and out the backyard. 

Settling her down, he instructs, “go on. Do whatever you gotta do.”

He’ll give the dog some credit where credit is due. She’s far more obedient than he expected for a puppy, because in less than 10 minutes, she’s emptied her bladder and is being carried back to Solana’s room. 

Roman is careful to lay her little ass back in her bed, aware of her bristle looking legs that would probably break with one bad drop. 

Rising back to his full height, he catches Solana turning on her side, the shift in position causing the book to slip and almost fall out the bed, but Roman is fast, catching it before the crash and potential disturbance can wake her up.

Naturally, he glances at the front cover, noticing the age of the book. But the aging look doesn’t mean shit to him when he sees the title and a piece of paper that clearly has Solana’s handwriting. He doesn’t read that, wanting to respect her privacy, but he definitely reads the title, and it instantly shifts his entire mood. 

The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse

It shifts his mood from his default state or irritation to quiet rage. 

There’s only one reason she would be reading this book, working out of this book. And it’s not that he didn’t already know she’d been violated in one way or another. Her medical records confirmed as such.

But, he was thinking she was a teenager, not any better, but definitely not a fucking child.

Someone hurt her when she was still a child, a literal goddamn kid, and this is something Roman cannot find it in him to avoid investigating. He’s always been a man uncomfortable with unanswered questions, and there are no shortage of them in regards to Solana. Not that he would ever put her in a position to answer them. No. He wouldn’t do that to her, would never make her share something like that with him.

But, he does know someone else he can demand answers from. 

Two people, actually. One of them being shit out of luck after narrowly avoiding Roman’s wrath from earlier today in learning that he fucking tortured Solana.

Roman carefully places the book on her nightstand and makes sure Dulce is still in her bed on the other side of Solana’s before quietly closing the door.

Roman is down the hall, powerful strides taking him to his room as he pulls out his phone, dialing the one person he knows for a fact will answer his call at any time. Hitting dial and switching it to speaker, Roman tosses his phone on the bed to get dressed. 

Sure enough, he answers on the second ring.

Roman jumps right into it. “Meet me at the Miller house. Get your brothers.”

Solo only pauses for a second, answering in that stoic voice, “we’ll be there in 30.”

Not good enough. 

“Make it 20.” 

________

As expected, Roman is met at the Miller house by his cousins, all three.

Slamming the car door shut, Roman hears Jimmy yawning loudly. “Man, why the hell is we here?”

Ignoring his older brother, Solo straightens his stance and informs, “I had Pearce disable the security system.”

“Good.” It’s the fact that Solo already knew to do so without being told. Moments like this is when Roman knows he made the right decision promoting and moving Solo up the ranks. He’s more than proved himself.

“I have questions. Miller has answers.” Roman’s answer there is intentionally vague. Solana’s trauma is no one’s business but her own, and just because he is also aware doesn’t mean he needs to broadcast it. “And Solana told me today her brother used to waterboard her.”

“Waterboarding? Like actual fucking torture?” This information seems to awaken both the twins, eliciting angry reactions. “What the fuck is wrong with his ass?”

“We killing them, right?” Jey, forever the hothead and also relatively equal with Roman in terms of how quickly he travels from zero to one-hundred, is the first to ask the most obvious question.

“No. Not tonight. That would be too easy.” And it would. Roman meant that shit when he said he wanted their asses to suffer. “But that doesn’t mean we have to make living easy for them.”

They don’t deserve to live, let alone living easy lives. Not when they’ve done everything seemingly possible to make Solana’s miserable.

Roman then looks towards the twins, instructing, “take care of the brother.” It’s not a necessary directive, but he doesn’t hesitate to add, “make him fucking suffer.”

He then motions for Solo to follow him, the men headed toward the house as Roman swears out loud, “Xavier is mine.” 

Roman steps back as Solo waits zero time in shattering the large window in the living room, providing an entrance for the men. Roman grabs his gun, nodding for the twins to move first, followed by Solo, each man armed with a gun. It’s unnecessary, Roman is certain as they’re more likely to find father and son in the midst of illicit acts vs prepared for the onslaught headed their way. 

Up the stairs and on the second floor, Roman quietly motions for them to split up, Solo and the twins to the right while he moves to the left, the most likely location of the master.

Solo seems to give him an uneasy expression, but Roman simply nods and heads toward his target.

Xavier is his.

The combination of the brothers works just as Roman predicted, them successfully locating the brother’s bedroom, confirmed by his horrified shout of ‘what the fuck! 

It’s followed up with a shout of pain and Jey yelling “Get your bitch ass up!” and “Solo, fill up the tub!”

Pleased, Roman is standing directly outside of Xavier’s door when the older man rips the door open, face contorted in a mixture of shock and anger. That quickly morphs into fear when he realizes just who is responsible for this attack. 

Roman brings the gun across upside Miller’s head, watching the man fall down and writhe in pain, holding his hand against his now bleeding head. 

Undeterred, Roman reaches down, yanking the man up by his neck as he jolts his body against the nearest wall. “We need to talk.” Straight to the point and not in the mood for any bullshit this fucker may try to spew his way, Roman demands,  “I want to know what the fuck happened to my wife.”

And there’s a brief but telltale sign that Xavier knows exactly what he’s referring to without Roman even needing to elaborate. 

That only pisses him off even more. 

Still, Xavier stutters, shaking his head, “I—I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Roman gives a bitter smile, shaking his head and scratching his beard. It’s the last thing he’s certain Xavier sees before Roman again has him up by the collar of his pajama shirt. 

“You really want to play these fucking games with me?” It’s a no. It’s a hell no, but Xavier insulting Roman’s intelligence by lying to him indicates the opposite of no. So, Roman will treat him as such. “Who the fuck touched Solana?”

His question is followed up by screaming coming from down the hall, the beautiful sound of a piece of shit getting exactly what he deserves. 

“What? Ain’t so tough now, little bitch! Like to beat on women but a pussy when it comes to fighting another man!”

And while it could bring a smile to Roman’s face, Xavier looks horrified in hearing Jimmy’s taunts. Instantly, he’s pleading, pathetic and pitiful, “pl—please.”

“I’d torture and kill that bitch right in front of you tonight if I could.” It pisses Roman off to no end how this man can care so much about his demented son but not give a flying fuck about his innocent daughter. “Now, answer my fucking question, who touched Solana?”

Again, Xavier decides to test Roman’s patience, offering unasked information. “She—she was a virgin before she married you.”

“I don’t give a fuck about her being virgin or not!” She could still be a virgin and have been touched. But truth be told, that shit’s never mattered to him anyway. Virgin or no virgin, it’s always been an irrelevant deciding factor to who he took to bed. “Tell me what happened to her or I’ll blow that bitch son of yours fucking brains out right in front of you—”

Roman pulls the gun from out of the back of his pants, knowing full and well that while he would love to empty the entirety of it in the scum before him, it’s better served torturing him in another sort of manner.

Mentally.

And it does the trick.

“Alright, alright!” Xavier finally caves, sweat bubbling across his wrinkled forehead. “She was raped, alright? Two men broke into the house when she was 12 and attacked her. Beat her real bad. They—they never found them. Okay? That—that’s the truth. That’s what happened.”

No. Not fucking okay. Nothing is fucking okay. Roman wanted answers, felt like he needed them, but knowing the truth, it doesn’t do shit but paint his vision red. 

He knew something happened to her. 

He just didn’t know how bad.

Raped. 

Beaten. 

Twelve.

And then another thought hits him, the absolute terror on her face that day when she was faced with what should be the most simplest thing for a person: going into their childhood bedroom. 

Roman remembers her fear, the dried blood, the scratches on the wall. 

It all makes sense.

She was attacked in her fucking bedroom.

The thought of a child being hurt at all has never sat right with him, but to be hurt in that way. As a child, and for that child to have been Solana. 

He’s fucking breathing rage. 

“Where the fuck were you, huh?” Roman jerks his body back against the wall, half ready to break this fucker’s neck. “Answer me!”

“I wasn’t home!” Xavier’s sweating has progressed into droplets from his forehead onto the bridge of his nose and shirt. “I—I was out on a fishing trip with Wes.”

A fishing trip…..

This man was out enjoying fucking nature with his dimwitted offspring while his daughter was at home alone fighting for her fucking life.

“You left a 12 year old home alone?” It keeps getting fucking worse. “How long was she alone!” Roman is fully prepared to risk snapping this motherfucker’s neck when he spits out a desperate answer.

“A week. It was just a week.” And if it makes a fucking difference, he desperately adds on, “I—I’d done it before, and she was fine.”

Xavier is either stupid or very stupid, because Roman can’t conceptualize how this imbecile would think the additional information makes it any better. 

Solana was hurt.

She was hurt in the worst way possible, and it’s all his fault. 

With all of the aggression in his body, Roman throws the piece of shit across the room, intentionally aiming for the glass coffee table that instantly shatters under the weight of his fat ass.

Without a second of fucking hesitation, Roman fires two shots directly into Xavier’s body, one in his right hand and the other in his left foot. Xavier’s shouts of pain do little to dull the unadulterated rage coursing through Roman’s body.

Shouts morph into tiny, pathetic whimpers as Roman slowly walks through the broken glass, tossing his gun to the side as he pulls out the brass knuckles in his back pocket. 

“I told Solana I wouldn’t kill you until she gave me the word, and I’m not going to take that from her.” He crouches down besides the now crying older man, crying in the way Roman is certain Solana did when she was alone and helpless. His fury is practically bubbling over now as he coldly vows, “but that doesn't mean I can’t make your life a living fucking hell until then.”

________

Roman walks back into the house with a weight he can’t shake, even with the brutal carnage he unleashed on the Miller household, leaving father and son on the brink of death. That type of violent release typically abates his anger, and it did diminish a lot of it, seeing that piece of shit pummeled into a bloody, broken mess.

But Roman is still plagued with thoughts of the hell Solana endured living in that household. To be attacked in that way in her own home, in her fucking bedroom, it makes Roman want to get right back in his SUV and carry Xavier and his equally piece of shit over the doorstep of death.

But, he couldn’t do that to Solana, take that away from her. He’s just the executioner in this situation. He’ll let the day of reckoning be determined by her because that’s the least she can get. 

Coming straight back home, Roman didn’t bother to stop and get himself cleaned up. His guards have seen much worse, and Solana is asleep, so that’s not a concern either.

But, it is a concern because in an almost scene of deja vu, Solana is most certainly not asleep. She’s sitting on the sofa, Dulce right beside her when she hears his heavy footsteps. 

Roman doesn’t have time to say anything, too stunned by this happening yet again, even later than he’s returned before. 

Why is she up?

Solana jumps up off the sofa and is suddenly standing across from him, her face painted in what’s obviously a moderate to tremendous amount of worry and anxiety. 

But, she isn’t looking at him. Not really. She’s more so focused on the blood stained and splattered clothes that adorn him.

“You’re hurt…..” He’s heard her say it the last two times they were in this type of situation, eerily similar in a lot of ways, but this time….this time is different.

It’s different because she rushes over to him, her hand floating over his chest, one place, two place, another place. Like a plane trying to find a safe space to land, she’s unsure where he’s hurt and clearly overwhelmed by it all.

And then he sees it, the blurry overlay of water over her eyes and the slight tremble of her lip.

Roman steps towards her, trying to be respectful of the distance between them. Her discomfort with touch makes all the sense now. “Please don’t cry.” And this is yet another new, unfamiliar, unexposed territory for him, seeing her so distraught at her belief that he’s been hurt. The way that the thought alone clearly wrecks her.

Roman quickly notices the changing of her breathing pattern, heavier, rhythmic almost. 

“Shit…..”

Roman has heard this song before.

Realizing this is a matter of de-escalation, he does what’s needed in the moment and brings his hands to her face, cupping her face.

“Solana, breathe, baby.” The term of adoration isn’t even something that really registers with him at the moment, not an intentional addictive or something he gives two fucks about in this moment, really. He’s solely focused on settling the woman in front who’s on the brink of a panic attack.

He can’t see her deal with that again, especially now that he knows just why she had the first one.

Roman has no hesitation in pushing away loose strings of her hair, never once taking his focus off her. “I’m fine, Solana. I’m not hurt. It’s not my blood.” Recognizing she clearly needs to see it, he moves back to lift and toss his shirt on the floor. “See?”

And that seems to do something for her, something to help settle the panic. 

Roman watches her and forces himself not to think about the heat that fills him at her hand on his chest, over his heart. It’s all so innocent. Recognizing her breathing has settled into something less alarming and more familiar, he moves his hand over hers, reiterating once more, “I’m fine.” He waits for her to finish taking a deep breath to ask, “why are you up?”

This has to be the third time Roman has come home at an ungodly hour to find her waiting for him, and he’s trying to figure out what the real reason is. 

She licks her lip, clearly working her way up to a response. “Dulce had to…..had to use the bathroom, and I saw you weren’t here, and you didn’t answer my text.” Roman curses himself. He was so caught in his uproar that he didn’t even bother checking that thing, never expecting for Solana to be the missed notification on his lock screen. “I just…..I wanted to make sure you were okay.” Roman has heard this part before and tries to navigate how he wants to push back on his belief that it can’t be just that, but Solana surprisingly beats him to it. “I get….I get worried when you’re not here at night and—-and I can’t sleep until—-”

“Until I’m back….”

He has a good guess why. She was attacked in the middle of the night, and he’s also pretty certain he remembers reading that the attack that killed her mother also happened at night.

“Solana…..” For the first time in a while, if ever, Roman is active in his attempts to explain this to her as gently as he can. “What I do…who I am…I can’t always be here.”

“I know,” she sniffles. “I’m sorry—I don’t mean to bother you—”

“You could never bother me, okay?” He wipes away more of her tears, hand back to cupping her face, realizing she’s not going to pull away from him this time. He takes full advantage of that. Roman moves his other hand to the small of her back, holding her against him. It’s not missed upon him how she also brings her other free hand to his chest. “But, I always make it back, alright?” She nods, as he runs his thumb over the apple of her cheek. “Can’t no man put me down.”

She smiles, a little laugh that does more to him than he’d like to admit, that he feels comfortable with. And this settles him. It settles him more than nearly killing her dad and brother for hurting her, directly and indirectly, did. 

Solana nods, murmuring a quiet, “o–okay.”

He’s studying her. Closely. Maybe more than what’s necessary. It comes from a place of concern, and he’d admit as such. “Are you good now?” 

She nods again, and he believes it enough to let her go, watching her start to walk away when he’s caught off guard again because of her body, so soft and warm, against his again. Her sweet perfume filling his senses, her arms around his neck.

She’s hugging him. Solana is actually hugging him. He can’t remember the last time someone did that shit.

But he doesn’t waste a second of time accepting her embrace that seems to end just as quickly as it began. He can’t be surprised or upset. This is big for her, obviously, and he would never push her past her comfort zone, but he also can’t deny that the absence of her in his arms is noticeable. 

And uncomfortable.

Solana murmurs a rushed goodnight and grabs Dulce to head back up the stairs, Roman eyes never leaving her until she’s completely out of view.

Roman stands there for a few good minutes, unsure of what just happened, working to process the same unfamiliar feelings that coursed through him the last time they had a moment like this. It’s the same as before, just ten times stronger, more intense, more consuming.

Unsure of a lot, two things he knows for asbolute fucking certain:

He’s going to find Solana’s rapists and make them pay for every sick fucking thing they did to her.

There’s not a fucking force on earth that could take this girl away from him.

She’s his.

And he’ll protect her with everything in him.

No matter what the cost.

[igotanidea]

Forgetter: Jason Todd x reader

This was one hell of a day.

(this narrator got a feeling like she's been using this line in the story way too often, but hey! Y/N had a really busy and hectic life so what do you expect me to say?)

No, but seriously.

When she got into the shop in the morning before work to do some quick grocery and saw the flowers and buquetes standing pretty much everywhere, her first thought was what's the occation.

Took her three hours to realise the date on the calendar.

February 14th

St. Valentine's Day.

And it made her smile wondering what kind of gift her beloved boyfriend would offer her. Honestly she would be over the moon with just one flower or a simple card, but knowing Jason and his deeply hidden romantic soul he would go for something original.

So all that was left was waiting for the evening till the end of her shift and getting home to have some hearty celebration.

***

8 hours passed in a blur. Between a ton of people wanting something, new cases and stuff needed ASAP or even yesterday, stupid photocopier that refused to cooperate and a few small but quite painful paper cuts there wasn't much time to fantasise.

And all she needed for some love, peace and quiet, perhaps a glass of wine and chocolate, movie and cuddles with her favourite teddy bear while whispering sweet words of some long forgotten Romanticism poet.

Instead, she walked in on a blood stain on the floor. A red trail starting from the window and leading to the kitchen.

KITCHEN.

Out of all places that was the one he decided to crawl into, and it made her shiver. There might have been a few reasons behind his (lack-of) logic, but this room was the only one filled with sharp tools perfect for defence. Or attack. Depending on the side.

"JASON!!?!?" she yelled dropping her bag on the floor and completely forgetting about the necessity of keeping quiet while in a potentially dangerous situation. "JACE WHERE ARE YOU!?!?!" she frantically rushed to the kitchen searching for dead bodies or chopped limbs.

There was no such thing.

But-

the pile of dirty dishes in the sink

the mobs of clothes begging for laundry

unidentified stains on the floor, the origin of which she didn't even want to guess

and the smell of burning.

and her wonderfully wonderful boy wonder sitting in the middle of it all, shirtless (which may have been a mildly mitigating circumstance) with some new fresh cuts and bruises (which were definitely aggravating the situation) patching himself up.

"Hey princess." he said jauntily sending her the most charming smile as if this was all normal.

"Jace--" she opened her mouth to say something, anything but no words came out and she just froze in the middle of the kitchen with empty eyes fixed on his silhouette.

"Hey. Hey Y/N? What happened? Look at me." despite the stinging and half-applied stiches he got alarmed and was by her side immediately. "Baby. Come on, talk to me." his hand on her cheek brought her back to reality.

"What- What is all this?" she half-sobbed waving her hand around the mess.

"Oh, yeah, right, sorry about that. Didn;t really have much time for the house maintenace today. I got a trail of this villain that-"

"Villain....?" she stuttered. Any other day, any other night she wouldn't say a thing about his Red Hood duties, but 14th? Did it mean nothing to him.

"Yeah, I've been hunting him down for weeks now and-"

"Jason..."

"I got involved and lost sense of time I guess while--"

"Jason..."

"Look I promise I will clean it later, after --"

"TODD!" she yelled in frustration

"WHAT?" he spat back instinctivelly getting into fighting mode when her scream spurred him on. "shit. sorry. Sorry baby, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout at you... Hey! Hey Y/N, please, don't cry!" the tears falling down her cheeks were both confusing and heartbreaking "god. fuck. I'm sorry. I;m so sorry..." he muttered wrapping arms around her and pulling her to his chest feeling guilty like never before.

"What day is today...?" she sobbed, the words a bit muffled due to the squeeze.

"Wednesday."

"What day of the month?!"

"14th...." his eyes grew wide "Oh, holy fuck...."

The amount and variety of curses that rushed through his head are not to be repeated here.

The one that took the spotlight though was something along the line of him being a total fuckup for forgetting the so-called most romantic day of the year.

Holy fucking mother fuckery fuck. (yeah, I know what I said before about not quoting his thoughts, but screw it, he was wailing in self-hatred).

And even if it meant nothing to him, it meant so much to her. And she was his girlfrend, his lover, his soulmate so this was a huge, huge failure on his part.

"Y/N..." he whispered not sure how to proceed but knowing well enough he had to thread carefully. "Y/N, princess, please forgive me...." the grip on her body tightened significantly as Jason headed to the rage fit and was barely holding back from punching a wall in blind fury on himself for letting her down.

"I just wanted some quality time with you..."

"Quality time?" he repeated. That was a surprise. So she didn;t want flowers? Jewellery? Chocolate? A spa weekend? An expensive shopping on his expense. Cause he would give her all that if she said a single word. But she chooses...

"Yeah, quality time." she pulled back and looked up into those remorseful green eyes. "Just you and me. No vigilante. No Red Hood. I know it's a lot to ask, but please... please..., be Jason Todd for me tonight."

"Y/N." his tone was serious and she knew what was coming.

"Ok... Ok, I get it..." she muttered, avoiding his eyes, wriggling to escape his embrace.

"Don't you move away from me, you silly girl!" he grabbed her waist again and carried her to the couch bridal style. "Quality time. You want it you got it."

"Did you just paraphrase--"

"Ariana Grande. Yes. But trust me, she got nothing on you."

"Does it mean--?"

"I'm staying with you. But only on one condition."

"And what may that be?" she smiled softly, nuzzling against his chest.

"You get into your silly head that I love you every day of the freaking year, ok? I don;t need those five special days to go overboard while forgetting the other 360. My love is always with you."

"You only say it cause you're too much of a pussy to admit you fucked up." she teased, but smiled fully through the remnants of the tears

"Oh did I really?" he brushed lips over hers "did I really fuck up?"

"Big time..."

"guess that leaves me 364 days left to beg for your forgiveness."

"Idiot!" she punched his chest playfully

"Come on sweatheart we both know you love me." he grabbed her wrist and kissed the inside of it before planting soft pecks on each of her knuckles while looking deep into her eyes.

"Yeah... you keep telling yourself that..." she hummed.

She loved him.

[nameless-jamie]

TARTT'S CORNER - Jamie Tartt x Y/N

Masterlist - Next Chapter

Chapter 7: Friendly Fire

The morning after their night together was a quiet and tender one. Jamie woke up first, smiling softly as he watched Y/N sleep beside him. Her hair was splayed out on the pillow, and she looked peaceful, her breathing steady. He felt a warmth in his chest that he hadn’t experienced in a long time. Everything felt right. He reached over and gently brushed a lock of hair from her face, his fingers lingering on her skin as he marveled at the way she fit so perfectly next to him.

When she stirred, waking up with a groggy smile, Jamie couldn't help but laugh softly. “Good morning,” he whispered, his voice filled with affection.

“Morning,” she replied, her eyes still heavy with sleep. She shifted closer to him, her head resting on his chest, and he wrapped his arm around her. For a moment, everything felt effortless—like this could be something real.

But then, the words slipped out of Jamie’s mouth before he could stop them. “Hey, do you want to come visit my mum with me today? She lives nearby, with Simon, my step-dad. We could grab lunch, you’d like her.”

Y/N’s heart skipped a beat, happy that he considered her to be good enough to introduce to his mum. But she pulled back slightly, her smile faltering. Is she good enough? The invitation was so simple, but it made her feel suddenly vulnerable. The thought of meeting his mum felt like a step too far, like it would all be too real. In her mind she wasn't the right kind of girl for someone like Jamie Tartt. Although she really wanted to be. It wasn’t just the casualness of the request—it was the weight of what it implied. “I—I don’t know Jamie,” she stammered, her voice filled with hesitation. “I think that might be... too much, too soon.”

Jamie’s expression shifted, confusion creeping in. “What do you mean? It’s just lunch with my mum, she already knows you from the podcast episodes.”

Y/N sat up, her hands tugging nervously at the sheets. “I know, but… I don’t know if I’m ready for that kind of thing. For... uhm- commitment, I guess. Things with us are so new, and I don’t want to rush into anything.” Lie. She would love to dive into commitment with this beautiful man beside her. You're just insecure. You're a joke, mum and dad are right. You’re not good enough…

Jamie sat up as well, looking at her with furrowed brows, trying to understand. “Y/N, it’s not about rushing anything. It’s just spending time together. You’re not rushing into anything with me just by meeting my mum.”

She let out a frustrated sigh, her eyes darting to the side. “You don’t get it. It’s not just about your mum. It’s about us, whatever this is. Uhm...I’ve got issues with commitment, okay? And I can’t just... dive into something serious, not right now. With the podcast and everything. Could seem like I only wanted to interview you to pursue something with you. That would mess up my credibility.” Gosh, shut up, you stupid liar. She thought to herself.

Jamie’s expression had confusion written all over it, but then it softened as he placed a hand on her shoulder. “Look, we don’t 'ave to do anything you’re not comfortable with. love. I get it. But you should know, I’m not rushing anything either. I’m just trying to figure out what we are. I don't want to get in between you and your career and I understand you don't want to be me girlfriend or anything.” Although I would want nothing more than to call you mine. He thought.

There was a long silence between them, the weight of their unspoken feelings hanging in the air. Finally, Jamie spoke again, his voice softer this time. “So... so no strings attached, yeah? We keep doing this podcast thing together, finish it, have fun, and if it turns into something more, we’ll deal with it when it happens. No pressure.”

Jamie really tried to state this in a steady voice but the frustrated sigh after his little speech betrayed him.

Y/N nodded, guilt flooding her chest. “Yeah. I- I think that’s for the best. I’m totally not ready for something serious right now either. Let’s just see where this goes, no expectations.”

Jamie hesitated for a moment, his gaze lingering on her, but then he nodded, agreeing to her terms even though a small part of him wished it could be more. He had to respect her boundaries, even if it wasn’t what he truly wanted.

“Alright,” he said quietly, “no strings attached.” But in his mind, he couldn’t help but wonder if that was enough.

The air had grown thick between Jamie and Y/N in the days after their night together. The tension was palpable, but neither of them dared to address it directly. They’d agreed on no strings attached, and yet, everything had become more complicated. Jamie, who had never been shy about his emotions, was suddenly distant. Y/N, caught in the same whirlwind, struggled to make sense of it. Their meetings were becoming more awkward, as if every word and glance was charged with something neither of them wanted to admit.

At Nelson Road, the atmosphere was the same—friendly but strained. Y/N continued to visit during her free time, her presence still a welcome one for the team, but Jamie? He barely acknowledged her. It wasn’t the playful teasing that had once flowed so easily between them. It was cold. Detached.

It wasn’t long before Keeley noticed the change.

“Babes,” Keeley called, pulling her aside after practice. “You’re not fooling anyone.”

Y/N blinked, startled by Keeley’s directness. “What do you mean?”

“Don’t play coy with me,” Keeley said with a knowing smile, her hands on her hips. “It’s obvious something’s going on between you and Jamie. And, from what I’m seeing, it’s making you both miserable.”

Y/N shook her head, trying to brush it off. “Keeley, it’s fine. We’re just keeping it professional like we agreed. No-strings-attached.”

Keeley’s eyes softened. “Y/N, honey, I know you. And I know Jamie. And let me tell you, you’re both dancing around something that’s already happening. He’s got feelings for you, and it’s not just about the fun you had together. Which for the record I would love to know some details about.”

Y/N hesitated, the words weighing heavy on her chest. “I don’t know if I can handle it, Keeley. I mean, he’s… he’s Jamie Tartt. He doesn’t do feelings, does he? He dates models and actresses, not podcast nerds.”

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Keeley said, her voice quiet but firm. “Jamie’s an idiot, but he’s not as clueless as he wants you to think. He’s scared, Y/N. Scared of getting hurt, scared of how he feels. But he won’t tell you that. He’s too proud. And you are a hot nerd, ask Jamie. He wouldn't've jumped your bones if he didn't think you're fit.”

Y/N sighed, running a hand through her hair. “I don’t know what to do. He's been cold towards me and I probably fucked it up already with the no-strings-attached thing we agreed on. Why am I so fucking insecure?!”

“Well, I can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you this,” Keeley said, a smile tugging at her lips. “You both need to stop pretending. If there’s something there, you should let it happen. You can’t keep pretending nothing’s going on, or you’ll both end up regretting it.”

Meanwhile, in the locker room, Jamie was the subject of relentless teasing. Isaac, Dani, and Colin had picked up on the tension between him and Y/N, and they were having way too much fun with it.

“So, Jamie,” Colin said, his grin mischievous as he leaned against the lockers. “What’s going on with you and Y/N, huh? First you miss a whole day of training because you follow her to Manchester and now…You’re looking at her like you want to fuck her so bad, then marry her after.”

Jamie’s face went pale. He hadn’t expected the comment, and it hit a nerve. “What the hell, Colin?” Jamie snapped, his voice low but sharp. “Shut up.”

Isaac and Dani burst into laughter, but Colin didn’t back down. “Come on, boyo. We all see it. You’re looking at her like you’re in love with her. Everyone can tell.”

Jamie clenched his jaw, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks. “It’s not like that,” he muttered, though his words sounded less convincing than he hoped.

“It’s exactly like that,” Isaac said with a teasing smile. “And you’re all flustered about it. You’re a goner, Tartt.”

Jamie’s face flushed, and he shoved past them, anger simmering beneath the surface. He didn’t know why it bothered him so much, but it did. He wasn’t used to being the punchline. And, honestly, he wasn’t used to feeling this way about anyone, let alone Y/N.

Later that day, when Y/N entered the training room, Jamie did his best to avoid her gaze. He was aware of the distance between them, and every time their eyes met, it only made the awkwardness more real. She tried to make small talk, but it felt forced.

“Hey,” Y/N said, trying to sound casual. “I saw you were looking pretty good on the pitch today.”

Jamie glanced at her briefly, but the words didn’t come as easily as they had before. “Yeah, thanks.” He shifted uncomfortably, his gaze drifting to the floor. “Uh, we’ve got the match against Norwich next.”

Y/N nodded, but she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. “Yeah, that’s right. We’ll need to talk about the next podcast episode before then. The podcast will be about the match, too. You ready?”

“Sure,” Jamie said, his voice flat. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Y/N paused, catching the subtle hint of frustration in his tone. “Jamie, are you… okay?”

Jamie tensed, the question catching him off guard. His chest tightened, and he immediately pulled back. “Yeah. I’m fine. Just… been busy, that’s all.”

Y/N frowned, trying to read him. She could tell there was something he wasn’t saying. Something that he wasn’t ready to admit, even to himself. But instead of pushing him, she let it go. For now.

She turned to walk away, but Jamie called after her. “Hey, Y/N?”

She turned back, her heart racing a little. “Yeah?”

Jamie’s eyes softened, but he quickly masked it with a forced smirk. “Nothing. Forget it. Just tell me when to show up for the podcast.”

But Y/N didn’t forget it. The distance between them had grown so wide that she wasn’t sure how they’d ever bridge it again.

[multi-stays]

Reminiscent Chapter 1: Present

Paring: Idol!Felix/Fem!Reader

Word count: 1,300

Summary: All the painful memories you pushed away and forgotten from when you were young are starting to come back to you. Why? Because your childhood best friend finally came back to you after thirteen years.

Genre: Fluff, slight angst, SFW

Requested: yes

Note: I could not help but write this request due to poor Lixxie’s situation. I hope he gets well asap🐥🪽 I think I’ll make this a three-part series

Proofread: no. Bare with me cause the story is there:/

Much to your dismay things went the way they always did. Up at the crack of dawn working everything you've got just to keep your small apartment, then it’s back home. Cleaning, cooking, and stupid chores that make life continue.

You walked over to your dryer, quickly throwing in the last load of laundry and taking the other out. The fluffy clothes blowing the warm breeze of fresh laundry in your face.

You shuffled around your couch and sat down to start folding your clothes, hoping you'd be done before the day was over.

Just as you were about to separate your socks from the rest of your clothes you heard it, a small knock. A knock so small you wouldn't have heard it had it not been completely quiet throughout your apartment.

Frustrated cause you just sat down, you got up to answer the door wondering who was knocking. You didn't have anyone in mind who would want to see you today and the neighbors around your place were always quiet.

~

When you got to the door and were about to turn the lock an eerie feeling washed over you. Not something you'd normally feel when just answering the door and it scared you for that reason.

You hesitated for a second, letting the cold metal of the doorknob turn warm in your hand, before scrunching your eyes shut and swinging the door open.

“Are you ok,” said a soft and deep voice, a voice that was familiar but only in a distant memory, like you should know them but you forgot.

Realizing you still had your eyes shut and were embarrassing yourself in front of whoever this was, you quickly opened your eyes.

There stood a slightly tall, blonde-haired fellow who was maybe a few years older than you. He wore what looked to be a Louis Vuitton blazer over a simple shirt and a pair of black pants that complimented the outfit well.

“Do I know you?” you asked, still confused why you were so desperately trying to find that out.

“Hey Y/n, I take it you don't remember me, how long has been what? Thirteen years now, so why would you?” he said laughing to himself.

“You know my name?” you questioned, now certain you knew him somehow. You don't know why but you wanted to hug him. You wanted to lunge forward, wrap your arms around him and never let him go. Instinctually you stepped closer to him, opening the door all the way to see him fully.

“Come on, you really don't know me, again I know it’s been a long time but, have I changed that much?” he said stepping closer.

You softened your eyes and thought long and hard but nothing came to mind. Nobody had ever really been there for you throughout your life and you hardened your personality in fear you'd be hurt.

Your mom died when you were young and your dad was a drunk. You don't think about your past anymore. Like when you were growing up or your teenage years cause that's where most of the pain was. You wanted it to stay that way. There were too many bad memories and not enough good ones.

“I'm sorry I left you for so long. Seems like only yesterday we were joking about getting married and giggling at each other under that old Willow. I never should've left.” he said with a frown, looking at his feet as he sighed to himself.

How did he know about Willow? She'd been there forever and no one knew about her but you and you only.

You planted her with your mom when you were just a baby and every day since you lost her you'd go out and sit under her. Thinking maybe your mom was listening to your daydreams and empty thoughts that left your head while resting there.

“How the fuck do you know about Willow!”

Just then the blonde male put his hand out, straightening his fingers and motioning for you to put your hand against his.

“What do you think this is Tarzan?” you said with a scuff.

You were going to back away but something made you stay. Something in you wouldn't let you move. The blonde male’s face was so familiar and you felt feelings for him that you couldn't explain. You wanted to cry even if you didn't know why and you felt like you loved him.

You rolled your eyes and placed your hand against his, the warm and soft feeling of his hand was comforting. It fell silent, all noise left and you got the sudden feeling of deja vu hitting you like a ton of bricks.

You remembered.

You remembered Felix, him and you under the tree, your stupid secret handshake, your childhood memories, everything you pushed away all came back at once.

“Felix?” you said trembling, a tear rolling down your cheek as you tried to waddle closer to him.

“YES Y/n, it's me!” he said picking you up and gently swinging you around, just like he did back then.

You placed your hand on his cheek, still in disbelief that it was really Felix. How could you not recognize him? He looked the same as he did when you were both teenagers. Young, stupid, in love, and under a tree throughout most of the day. Dreaming about what you would do together.

Then he left, became an idol and you forgot all about him.

“I'm sorry I was away for so long,” he said with a frown.

You shook your head and hugged him, “It’s not your fault you chased your dreams and I stayed put.”

“I missed you Y/n, I thought of you often.”

“Oh, Felix.”

You could feel it. The tension and tears rising between the two of you. A long lost love that you couldn't quite remember the details of but you decided you were going to get answers and deal with your past.

The youthful energy still radiated off of Felix like you remembered and it comforted you. He was playful and kind almost like nothing about him changed. Then it hit you.

“Oh my god Sunshine!”

“I remembered the nickname I gave you. It was Sunshine,” you said looking at the now shy and embarrassed Felix.

Felix’s cheeks turned rose red and he grinned from ear to ear with his hand scratching his neck nervously. “You just had to remember that.”

“How could I not when your smile matches it perfectly?” you said stepping in to hug him.

His arms wrapped around you tightly and he slowly swayed you back and forth like he was rocking you to sleep. He smelled like strawberries and his body was warm, everything about him made you want to melt.

“Would you like to come in?” you whispered in his ear. Taking his hand in yours just in case he tried to run away again.

“Of course, I would.”

~

He sat down on the couch folding his hands neatly in his lap and crossing his feet, he looked like a prince.

“Can I get you anything?” you asked, looking into his big brown eyes.

“No I'm good thank you,” he said with a smile. His big brown eyes turned into small crescents when he did. His eyes were like moons and his freckles like stars. You instantly were enchanted by him, you found yourself giggling to yourself when you sat down to talk with him.

“So how have you been Y/n?” he asked, his rich voice making your nervous to answer.

“I've been good just the same old thing every day. I can't believe you're here Felix, it's kinda weird.”

“Why’s that?”

His full attention was on you when he talked. You hadn't had a conversation like this in so long. It felt nice to talk with someone for a change.

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course you can,” he said tilting his head to the side like a curious cat.

“Do you remember anything I told you about my mother? My memories are so faded from back then but since you showed up all I can think of now is us under Willow and my mother.”

Felix’s bright smile faded into a thin line and he got up to sit beside you.

“Seeming you don't remember I’ll have to break my promise, is that ok?” he asked taking your hand and rubbing it softly with his thumb.

“I don't know what you're talking about Felix, I'm really sorry.”

“Wow you really did forget everything.”

He let out a deep sigh, clearly frustrated you didn't remember anything from the past.

“You need to give me permission, or I can't say anything.”

You didn't know how to react and now you were scared to know what he had to say. Scared to hear what happened that you made yourself forget.

“I give you my permission?”

His shaky breath hit your face, the strong smell of toothpaste accompanied it, when he spoke again.

“How about I tell you when we first met mmm?”

[makethatelevenrings]

Half Eaten Bagels // J. Todd x gn!reader

Requested? Yes!

WARNINGS: this has heavy discussion of emotional abuse by parents (I literally used a memory of my own home life, thank u therapy), emotional/panic attacks, discussion of food/food waste, disparaging comments made by parents that have been internalized

Summary: Jason had a shit patrol and you try to fix things only for familiar thought processes return from your past.

He didn’t mean to be angry.

You understood that, you really did. Jason wasn’t usually the kind of guy who slammed doors and let his frustration boil over and spill onto you, but today wasn’t a normal day. A drug bust yesterday had gone wrong and people were injured. Civilians and batlings. Jason hated being injured, but not more than he hated others getting hurt for what he deemed to be his failure.

So when you woke up to the sound of the front door slamming that morning, an unsettling emotion sank into the pit of your stomach.

“Jay?” you called softly as you climbed out of bed. You tugged the hem of his sweatshirt down until it hung to your thigh. A pair of soft sleep shorts were hidden underneath, but you didn’t care about propriety. You cared about the safety this single piece of fabric provided.

Quietly, you made your way out of the bedroom and found Jason at the fridge. His shoulders were tight and tense and you could see the edges of bandages peeking out from under his collar.

“Here, let me cook breakfast,” you exclaimed. Jason turned, not surprised by your presence but certainly surprised by your offer. He usually was the one to cook breakfast because it gave him a chance to do something for you before he sent you off to work and then took a nap. You rarely cooked breakfast since your culinary expertise focused more on dinner.

Jason decided not to argue and instead stepped away from the fridge. “I bought more eggs at the bodega and some milk.”

“Okay.” You spoke softly, ensuring that your voice wouldn’t raise at all so he wouldn’t view it as a challenge. That’s how your parents always viewed it. Surviving was simple. Don’t talk back, don’t raise your voice, and just accept whatever they say.

“Here, why don’t you go sit down and watch TV or something?” You pushed him towards the couch, ignoring the confused look he shot your way. Luckily you didn’t work today so you weren’t in a rush, but you also didn’t want to mistime your cooking and give Jason cold food. As you began to fry the eggs, you glanced nervously back at where he was seated.

Yeah, bad move.

The oil popped and caught you on the cheek. You let out a sharp hiss of pain and pressed your finger against the spot in an attempt to soothe the sharp, stinging spot on your skin. Jason was halfway up off the couch when you waved him off.

“Don’t worry. Just me being stupid.”

He sat back down, but kept his gaze on you. Being under his stare was making your stomach roil. Was he waiting for you to fuck up again? No, Jason wasn’t like that. You were being unreasonable. Irrational.

But that’s the thing about anxiety. It’s irrational.

“Damnit.” This time, the bacon grease had caught your wrist and you shook it out quickly before grabbing your spatula again. You also needed to get the coffee machine started because Jason always had the french roast with a shot of creamer and a spoonful of sugar. The bread needed to be in the toaster in the next minute. Was there jelly in the fridge? He liked strawberry jelly on his toast. Did you forget to buy more when you got groceries? Shit.

“What can I help with?” Jason asked.

“Nothing, Jay. I’ve got it.”

His large hand enclosed around your wrist as you went to flip the eggs and you immediately wrenched away from his grasp.

“I said I’ve got it!” Jason stood in stunned silence at your outburst and you immediately dropped the spatula on the ground and sank to your knees. Your arms came up to cover your head as a bone-wracking sob tore through your body.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell. I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad. Wh-what can I do to fix it?” You didn’t want to look at him and see his frustrated face. You didn’t want to know how badly you fucked up.

You waited.

Nothing.

You hesitantly peeked up from the protective cradle your arms had created. The stove and oven had been turned off and Jason sat in front of you on the kitchen floor. His knees were drawn up to his chest but they were spread apart instead of guarding himself like you were. Instead of anger on his handsome face, there was only worry.

“What’s going on?” he finally asked. The words weren’t accusative, but rather a gentle exploration. You shut your eyes and looked away form him, the words to explain getting lost in your frustration. Jason sighed and scooted closer. You didn’t flinch back, but you did keep turned away from him.

“I was late for the bus once,” you said. “And food wasn’t allowed on so I ate half of my bagel and tossed the other half into the trash. I was eleven, y’know? I didn’t think about wrapping it up or saving it or anything but I’m getting off track. I didn’t think about it anymore, right? But then my mom called when she was leaving work to tell me to do the dishes and I could tell she was angry. She and dad had been fighting the night before and I guess work hadn’t made it any easier.

I figured I would be a good kid and do more than do the dishes. I was eleven and I swept and mopped the kitchen floor, I prepared the ingredients for dinner and had it laid out on the counter for her when she came home, and I cleaned off the dining room table. And when she walked in the door, I was doing homework at the table. The perfect kid. Quiet, hardworking, doing more chores than asked.”

Jason was silent as he listened to you. He could sense that there was something heavy hanging around your neck, but you had never elected to share. You always felt as though he suffered enough.

“But that damn bagel…” You took a deep breath in to steady yourself and finally turned your head to look him in the eye, a bitter smile playing on your lips. “She saw it on the top of the trash and lost her shit. Screamed about how fucking useless I was and wasteful. Said I was a waste of space and time. Said she regretted having me. Because of a bagel. I went to bed hungry that night because if I stayed in her eyesight, she would just find new things to be mad at. The utensils weren’t in the right drawers, I got the wrong kind of cheese out, I don’t know.

I learned to manage. I learned to keep her and my dad happy to survive. Being useful meant that I wasn’t worthless or a waste of space. It made me feel like they wouldn’t be able to get rid of me.”

A sob boiled up in your lungs, through your throat, until you were choking on the depths of your childish grief and Jason was at your side in an instant. One of his hands cradled your head to his chest as the other stroked up and down your spine.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you chanted.

“No. No, stop apologizing. Nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry I came in so angry.” He pressed kisses to your temple, forehead, hair as he whispered quiet apologies and faint praises.

“This is your home,” you whimpered. “You have a right to be whatever the fuck you want. You shouldn’t repress your anger because of me.”

He sighed and rested his chin on the top of your head. “You’re right. I just…I can’t see you like this again, sweetheart. You were freaking me the fuck out. And don’t you fuckin’ apologize.”

You hummed, your ear nestling against the fabric of his shirt and right over where his heart rested in his chest. The steady beat lulled you, regulating your breathing and heart rate with his. In and out. In and out. Your hips nestled between his legs, his strong hands holding you up…you had never felt more safe.

“How about this?” His breath washed over your cheek and you tilted your head up to take in the sight of his furrowed brow and sharp, calculating eyes. “You know how we have a safeword for scenes?”

You nodded, curious as to where he was going with this. Jason licked his dry lips and then grimaced before continuing. “What if we make a safe word for this? Anytime I think you’re in a bad headspace or you find yourself falling back into old patterns, we call the word and time out. Sit down, talk it out, get out of the house, do something that isn’t some sort of task you think you need to do to appease me.”

“Yeah, that could work.”

“Alright.” HIs cool lips pressed against your temple once again. “How does Pluto sound?”

You giggled. “Like the planet?”

“Good, you still acknowledge its rightful designation. Does that work?”

“Yeah.”

Jason squeezed your hip and then made you sit up and face him. He wiped away the sticky tears that were quickly drying on your skin and then grasped your hands. He rose them to his face and pressed a delicate kiss to each palm.

“What word do we use for the bedroom?” he asked.

“Giraffe.”

Jason kissed your inner wrist. “Good. And for outside of the bedroom?”

“Pluto.”

He kissed the other wrist and then pulled you into his chest once more. “Good. That’s good.”

“I’m sorry the food’s cold,” you whispered against his cheek.

“Don’t you worry about that right now. I gotcha.”

Tag List: @khaetiin​ @mcrmarvelloki​ @gone-batty-fics​ @someoneimsure​ @perpetual-fangirl900​ @visagebrise​ @cursedandromedablack​ @alexxavicry​ @the-wayward-daughter​ @raging-trash-of-mind​ @kat-nee​ @khaylin27​

[landograndprix]

Well I have an Eddie thought and it is this:

Imagine if Eddie paints his own nails sometimes but is talking about how frustrated he is that he can't quite "paint between the lines" and you're like "I've got you babe!" but you're not dating or anything and the babe throws him off and then you're painting his nails and he's looking at you like you're an angel idk it just gives me some feelings

love me a love sick man || [wc;506] || I don't proofread so there's that :')

Eddie isn't sure if he's heard you right or if the pet name that slipped from your lips is just him wishful thinking but it had caught him off guard– you've never called him babe or anything other than Ed or Eddie. 

His heart is beating surprisingly fast and his hands become sweaty while his stomach twists and turns, confusion washing over him like a cold, shocking shower– you're his best friend and nothing more, sure, eddie has had the biggest crush on you ever since he'd laid eyes on you but as the years went on, he truly thought he'd pushed those silly little feelings aside– boy was he wrong; 

The gears in his head run miles as he's looking up at you from where he's seated on your bed, he mumbles out "what didn't just say?" 

"I'm going to paint your nails?" 

"No," Eddie shakes his head "I mean yes but before that– something..something and then you said babe, you called me babe?" 

"Huh, did I?" Tapping the bottle of black nail polish into the palm of your hand, you sit down next to Eddie with your legs tucked underneath you "Sorry, I've been hanging around with Michelle today– you know how she is with her nicknames and all. Force of habit I guess" 

Oh, okay Eddie thinks to himself, do you didn't mean to say it, it didn't mean anything. 

And it's silly really how something so simple and so stupid would affect him this much– even if you did call him babe, it wouldn't change a single thing. 

"Munson, do you want me to paint your nails or are you going to do it yourself and complain about how bad they are for the next couple of days?" 

Eddie doesn't know why it feels so different and strange when your hand touches his, why your touch is so unfamiliar when you hold his fingers and how the cold polish on his nails sends a shiver down his spine– he watches you through thick lashes, how his hands are in your lap, the scrunch of your nose and your brows are knitted together in utter concentration, how your lashes kiss your cheeks every time you blink and your lips…christ, he's falling again like he did years ago– spiraling face first into what he had hoped was gone. 

he's looking at you as if you had hung the moon into the sky and delivered him the stars. As if you're the prettiest thing he'd ever seen, something so magical and unbelievable– and you are, you are something magical, something out of a dream and you're definitely the prettiest thing he's ever laid eyes on. 

He's a goner, head over heels, love sick..Eddie Munson is in love with his best friend. 

Eddie snorts, he'd put himself into another difficult situation..like always. He has to go through it again, the longing, the wishing and the hurt of rejection whenever you'd show up with a new date– no, he can't go through that again. 

[definitelynotafurinasimp]

Them confessing to an oblivious reader on valentines day

characters: Fischl/Hu Tao x gn!reader

warnings: english isn't my first language, so there might be some grammatical mistakes

a/n: I know I’m a little late, depending on were you live, but it’s technically still February 14th were I live, so it still counts. Also I may have already written something for Hu Tao yesterday, but can you really blame me? She’s just gorgeous.

Fischl:

Since you were little, people tended to call you oblivious, it was no secret for anyone that no such things as ‘implications’ would work on you. To your credit, you weren’t completely oblivious to your obliviousness, since people told you about it to your face and you certainly weren’t stupid.

Not realising Fischl’s ‘hints’ however was certainly not your fault, excluding her behaviour around you, which you obviously didn’t find odd, her verbal hints were indecipherable for absolutely everyone around her, since her way of speaking wasn’t the most easy to understand.

“Rejoice, my loyal companion. For my Auge der Verurteilung, which sees the threads of fate, has enlightened me, that it shall be thee, that has the honour to serve as my companion for this day”, speaking in long, complicated sentences had to be the most irritable thing Fischl did. Luckily for you and everyone else in Mondstadt, her talking bird always was there to translate what she said.

“Mein Fräulein wants you to spend valentines day with her”, Oz said before being reprimanded by a blushing Fischl. Hanging out with the two of them was something you always enjoyed, no matter how confusing it might be, so you agreed.

On valentines day most shops were either decorated or offered something which they didn’t offer on other days so the three of you spent most of the day looking through the different shops and stalls. It was fun and while you had slight problems to understand Fischl at first, with time she started speaking a little more normal. Still overly polite and like you’d imagine people spoke a hundred years ago, but even that was worlds better for your brain than the usual.

It was the end of the day and the two of you had started slowly going home, Oz having disappeared around an hour ago and hadn’t shown up since. When the two of you arrived before what you presumed was Fischl’s house she stopped and looked at you, cheeks red from the chilly air, or at least that’s what you thought had caused it.

“I had fun today”, the ‘Prinzessin der Verurteilung’ had dropped her usual way of speaking, probably because she was tired.

“Me too. We’ll have to go again next year”, you answered happily and watched as her cheeks turned even redder. You were just about to wave and leave when you were stopped by Fischl holding you by the arm.

“There’s something I have to confess… I-I like you”, she told you in a voice barely being more than a whisper all the while glancing to the side.

“Well, I like you too. We’re friends after all”, you reassured her and were confused by her frustrated glare at you.

“Mein Fräulein means romantically”, you heard Oz’s voice again only for everything to start to make sense for you. You stared at Fischl, hoping she’d agree or disagree with her talking pet, but were greeted with her shamefully refusing to look up from the floor.

“Oh. T-then the feeling is m-mutual”, you stuttered while feeling your face starting to heat up. Even though she sometimes may be confusing, you liked Fischl. Hanging out with her was always interesting, and today was fun. So hopefully you’d get to experience it more often now.

Hu Tao:

You weren’t oblivious, not even the slightest. Instead you were deeply insecure about any compliments or flirts directed at you, thinking them being part of some cruel prank or just being a simple compliment. When you were younger you had mistaken a simple pat on the back as a hint and decided quickly developed a crush, when you decided to confess, you got publicly rejected, which was a huge humiliation. Since then you weren’t sure if even a ‘I love you’ would count as possible hint at romantic interest.

So when you met Hu Tao, a girl which would usually joke around, you decided to take every single of her hints or flirts as jokes, which caused everyone else to be convinced of you being the densest resident of Liyue.

“What’s my favourite future customer doing all alone on such a special day?”, Hu Tao asked as she saw you lonely sitting at the harbour. She came out of nowhere which startled you a little.

“Just watching the other people, they sure seem happy”, you answered while sighing loudly. Of course they were happy, it was valentines day after all and if there were three things that the people of Liyue loved the most, it would be holidays, love and holidays about love. Most of your friends had ditched you to spent their time with their significant others and while you didn’t blame them, it sure made you feel lonely.

“Well it’s valentines day. People spend the day with their loved ones, so it sure is weird to see you sit here all alone”, she said in her usual joyful tone. You now looked at her and when you made eye contact, she began smiling brightly and moved closer to you.

“Seeing me here is surely weird, but isn’t it weirder to randomly go to the harbour on valentines day, alone. Isn’t there someone you want to spend your time with?”, you asked. You didn’t want to sound rude to her, since you genuinely enjoyed spending time with her, but she was disrupting your spiral into self-pity.

“Well of course there is, but they’re just brooding by themselves right in front of my eyes”, she joked and sat besides you. You could feel your face heat up a little, but quickly lectured yourself for taking her joke seriously for even a millisecond.

“I’m sorry, but I’m not really in the mood for jokes right now”, you excused yourself and stood up to try and get to a new place to be alone at.

“I’m not joking. I like you, romantically. I’ve openly said so for some time now, but you just laugh it off. Live’s to short to not be direct at such important things”, what she said sounded serious, even though she said it in her usual voice. You just stood there, staring at her, while starting to blush furiously.

“T-those weren’t jokes?”, you stuttered, while trying to hide your red mess of a face.

“Jokes based on obvious facts”, she answered, jumping up from her seat and marched up to you. Hu Tao now stood directly in front of you, the tips of your shoes nearly touching.

“And? What’s your reply?”, she asked teasingly and watched amused as you tried to form a coherent sentence.

“I-I like you t-too. I just thought t-that you were joking b-back then, because-”, you didn’t even get to finish, before she flashed you a big smile, took you by your hand and started dragging you back to the centre of the city.

“You can tell me that later. There’s a whole lot of attractions waiting for us. Maybe there’s even a haunted house?”, saying no was not an option. You would spend your first day as a couple roaming the different stalls and you would have a great time, no doubt.

[tom-holland-parker]

I Hate You???

Summary: You’re convinced Bucky hates you. Bucky’s convinced you hate him. Steve is just tired of hearing you both complain and finally decides to set you both up

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger!reader

Word count: 1569

Masterlist

You sat on the kitchen counter quietly eating your ice cream when Steve and Bucky walked in, whispering amongst themselves. It took a few seconds before they realized they weren’t alone, pausing when they saw you. Steve smiled, “y/n would you consider yourself a hateful person?” 

You tilted your head in confusion, Steve wasn’t known for asking weird questions out of the blue. You stood silent, trying to think of a good answer, “No really” You shrugged, “If anything, I think I’m too loving” 

Steve chuckled, turning to Bucky with a smirk. You glanced at Bucky, watching as he gave you an emotionless stare. You sighed as you hopped off the counter and walked out the kitchen. You hated the fact that Bucky hated you and to make it worse, you didn’t even know why he hated you. 

When you first met each other things seemed to go great. You guys got to know each other and joke around. Within those few months of getting to know each other you had developed a crush on the tall man. Which is why it hurt more when he stopped talking to you a few weeks after your first mission together. Whenever you walked into a room he would always find some excuse to leave, and when he couldn’t leave he would talk to everyone but you. Steve always said you were crazy whenever you mentioned it to him, but deep down you couldn’t believe him. A large part of you just knew that you liked a man who hated you.

As you walked out the kitchen Steve sighed, turning to Bucky, “I don’t understand what you’re talking about”. Bucky rolled his eyes, “She hates me, I just know it”

“The girl literally just said she has a problem of loving too much” Steve said as he grabbed a beer out the fridge, “In fact I think she has a crush on you”

Bucky let out a chuckled, grabbing a beer of his own, “No she definitely hates me, she won’t even look at me, she just walks away whenever she gets the chance”

Bucky leaned back against the counter, remembering the countless times you would walk out of the room when he was around. It really hurt him to know that the one person he’d had romantic feelings for in years, hated him. He sighed, finished his beer before getting up to walked out the kitchen, “It’s whatever, I’ll just find someone else”

Steve stared at his feet in concentration, trying to figure out ways to get the two of you together without actually spilling your secrets. He used to find it comically, how you both liked each other but thought the other person hated you. He would always find himself laughing whenever one of you mentioned it, but he became worried when he noticed how sad it was making you both. 

He smirked, coming up with a plan to get you two together. It was very simple actually, something straight out of a Romcom you forced him to watch. He just needed to wait for the right moment.

///

“Hey y/n remember when you asked me to teach you boxing” Steve said as he poked his head into your room. You looked up from your book, “Yeah” you said with a nod

“Well today’s the day so get dressed and meet me in the training room in about 10 minutes” he said, closing the door before you could respond.

As you got dressed Steve made his way to Bucky’s room, poking his head in without knocking, “Hey, Sam is planning on putting magnets and stickers all over your arm so you might want to get rid of his stickers before he gets the chance. He hides them in the training room” He said with a goofy smile as he walked shut the door. Bucky stared at the door in confusion but sighed, getting up from the bed to walk to the training room. 

Steve smiled to himself as he walked into the security room, watching from the cameras as you made your way downstairs. 

“Steve” You called out in confusion. You crossed your arms when you got no response, “Steve this isn’t funny I’m not wasting a new sports bra on your stupid jokes” you shouted as you looked around the room. 

Your head quickly turned when you heard the door open, your heart speeding up when you realized it was Bucky walking in. You stared at him in silence as he looked at you in confusion, “Where are the stickers?” He asked 

“What are you talking about?” You chuckled, “I'm supposed to -” you were interrupted when you heard a loud beep from the intercom. Steve chuckled quietly before clearing his throat, “You’re both probably wondering why I’ve bought you here today” He said through the intercom. You looked around the room at a loss for words. “Well it’s come to my attention that you both need to talk. So I've locked you both in here and you're going to stay in here until you talk things out. Think of it like a date" 

You let out a deep breath, frustrated with everything Steve was doing. Bucky sighed sitting on a bench against the wall. An extremely awkward tension filled the room, unsure who should talk first. The intercom beeped again, "I'm not seeing any talking. I could do this all day" 

You stared at the camera, sticking your middle finger to the screen. Your head turned as you heard Bucky chuckle, "What are we even supposed to be talking about?" He asked, crossing his arms 

"there's a bunch of things we could talk about" you shrugged, laying down in the mat, "he was never specific"

The intercom beeped again, "you need to talk about each other. Now stop wasting my time and start talking" 

You rolled your eyes, "piss off Tinkerbell"

"What happened to you not being a hateful person? You seem to be pretty hateful now" Bucky said with a smirk

"I don't appreciate being locked in a room against my will" You said not bothering to look at him. "Why are you here anyway? Thought that arm of yours could break through these glass doors" 

"It can but who says I want to leave?" He said as he got up, laying next to you. You chuckled, "oh so now you want to spend time with me"

His brows furrowed in confusion, "what are you talking about?"

You sat up slightly, propping yourself up on your elbows, "you haven't spoken to me in months. You constantly ignore me and alway look emotionless when you're around me. As if I suck all the life from you"

He head turned towards you quickly, "what are you talking about? You've been doing that to me"

"No I haven't. You've been acting like this since we got back from that mission we did" You rolled your eyes, it made you even more mad that the butterflies in your stomach fluttered every time he talked.

He scoffed, "that's not tr-"

"Bullshit and you know it" you interrupted, "I just don't get it. Why?"

"Why what?" He raised his voice slightly, clearly getting frustrated. You assume it was due to your attitude, however it was actually the fact that his heart was skipping a beat with every word you spoke. 

"Why do you hate me?" Your voice practically cracked from your frustration.

He remained quiet, all words seemed to disappear as shock took over his face, "I hate you? I thought you hated me. Do you know how hurt I was when I realized the one girl I've liked in years hated me?" It was terrible and now you think I hate you" he rambled, unaware of the words coming out his mouth. It took a few seconds for him to realize exactly what he said

Your eyes widened, "You can't be serious right now" you let out a stressed chuckle, "you're telling me that I've had a crush on you for months and you thought I hated you. I baked you a cake on your fucking birthday and you thought I hated you"

You wanted to pulled all your hair out at how stupid you sounded. The room fell silent again as thoughts took over both your minds. It was a few minutes later when Bucky spoke first. "I'm sorry" he said with a sigh as he ran his fingers through his hair. "I didn't even realize I was doing that. It's my first time having these kinds of feelings after years of being numb and alone. I just thought that if I hid them and ignore you then they would go away"

You slowly sat up, your eyes never leaving him, "I'm sorry too. I should've made an effort instead of just jumping to the conclusion that you hated me"

The room fell silent again, the two of you had not else to say but couldn't stop staring at each other. Both wonder where you go from here. 

You sighed, "Bucky-"

"Do you want to go on a date with me?" He interrupted. You were taken aback by his words, not expecting such bluntness.

"Yes" you chuckled, "preferably one where Steve doesn't listen to everything we say the entire time"

The intercom beeped, Steve's laughter filling the room, "you guys could've left at any moment. These doors don't have a lock".

[asce-of-hearts]

Can I request a smut drabble of soft, yet needy Yandere!Hawks constantly having wet dreams of his darling who’s a barista at a cafe he goes to and when he follows her home, she assumes he does this to keep civilians safe and invites him in since it’s gonna rain and wet his wings.

She lets him rest on her couch with a pillow and blanket after dinner and he uses his feathers to snoop on her room but he over hears her moaning softly in her room since she’s having a wet dream of him and when he goes and gets hard for her, he sees her hips thrusting the air as she softly says “Inside me, Hawks. Cum inside me, please. I want you so much”

He grants her wish (since he dreamed of her saying that) as he humps and stimulates her but she wakes up and when she realizes what’s happening she’s fine with him fucking her and cumming inside her since she’s always been attracted to him and he desperately cums inside her and claims her as his before they both fall asleep.

Of course, sugar!

Wet dreams 🎂 🍨

MASTERLIST

Contents: yandere!Hawks doing the frutifantastic with fem!darling.

Warnings: DUB-CON, NSFW, WET DREAMS, OBSESSIVE BEHAVIOUR, YANDERE THEMES, STALKING, FEM!DARLING, SOMNOPHILIA, MASTURBATION.

He just woke up covered in sweat, a large stain in his underwear, his breathing was irregular. He sighed in frustration, its the fourth time this week he has woke up like that. And its all because of you.

He really likes you, that adorable waitress and barista who always seems to get his morning coffe right, making him get there really early before any customers get in there and catch your attention and take him away from you, or, you know, fans that ask him for autographs.

His gaze is focused on your hands, you’re preparing his coffe just how he likes it, he wonders if you make it with love and that’s why it tastes so good. You smile kindly at him, getting him out of his train of tought.

“Here you go, Hawks!” you say cheerfully, despite being early in the morning you seem so active always.

He smiles back “Thanks, dove” he grabs the cup, you only blush at the nickname and charge him for his order. He flashes a smile towards you “Gotta go for now, see you soon, y/n” his voice makes your heart skip a beat. You have always been a fan of him, he is just so... admirable, unlike you. Only a simple girl working as a barista.

When he leaves the establishment you sigh, thinking about how he called you ‘dove’ earlier. You blush and cover your face with your hands, you quickly focus on work again ‘he isn’t flirting y/n’ you think ‘he is just being kind, I bet he is like that with every citizen’.

Your day goes normal, your turn ends late at night as usual since there’s always a lot of customers. You sigh, its raining today and you don’t have an umbrella, you feel really unlucky. Still, you put your coat over you and lift it a little in attempts that it will cover your enough so you don’t get to your appartment completely soft.

Hawks turn on the contrary ended early today. He is flying towards the cafe to see you, and he finds you walking as fast as you can without tripping and covering yourself from the rain. He smiles, quickly going in the opposite direction and returning in no time.

“Tought you needed this” he says suddenly, making you yelp “its just me, don’t be scared, baby” he smiles and hands you the umbrella, already opened and preventing you from getting even more soaked.

“T-Thank you, Hawks!” you say a little confused, but again, deciding to think nothing of it ‘he is just being kind’ you say and grab the umbrella firmly. He accompanies you all the way to your appartment, just a little security check so that stupid neighbor of yours doesn’t think that he gets a chance to help you, you already got the n.2 hero at your service.

And before he can leave when you enter your appartment safe and sound you notice that his wings are wet “W-Wait” you stop him “I think-  Uh- Would you like to come in, at least until the rain stops...” you say shyly, opening the door a little in an inviting way.

“You’re so kind to me, y/n. Thank you” he says and steps in. You help him remove and hang his soaking wet coat, its heavier than you expected.

You pull out a couple of blankets and pillows, leaving them on the couch for him. He smiles at your attitude. You would make such a good wife.

“The bathroom is there, you can grab anything you’d like from the cabinets and fridge, sorry if it isn’t much” you smile “if you need anything please call me” his heart rushes “good night, Hawks”

“Please, call me Keigo” he just wants to hear you say his name.

“Of course, Keigo” you smile before closing the door. Leaning against it as you try not to scream in joy. Pro hero Hawks, your all time crush is at your house. You go into bed, fantasying about stupid things you’d like to do with him, you’d like him to do to you.

You end up falling asleep quickly, but Keigo has other plans. He explores your apartment while you’re asleep, finding a couple of things that surprise him. You have a rather simple home, adorned with pictures of your family and friends, he frowns at one with a guy that seems particularly handsy towards you, he stops facing it when he sees a couple of magazines.

He’s in the cover of all of them.

“Oh, so she is a fan” a mischievous smile creeps onto his face “how adorable” he sighs, he’s about to send one of his feathers to inspect your room, his ears finding a pleasant surprise when he opens the door. Little moans and whimpers reach his ears, he quickly runs to the room. Only to find your small body humping the air.

“Hawks~” you moan sleepily, getting him so horny he thinks his erection might break his underwear from how much it wants to be inside you “please... inside me... cum- ah~ please” you mumble incoherent messes of sentences. He is on top of you, like a predator on his prey. His unclothed hands make their way to your clit, rubbing circles softly, making you moan and cry more for him.

“I told you to call me Keigo, silly girl” he groans and he humps the mattress, his impatience had him ripping your pajama shorts a long time ago, leaving your intimacy exposed for him, its dripping with your juices, he can’t help it when he inserts a thick and long digit inside you just to hear that delicious moan that rips out from your lips.

You end up waking up at the sudden sensation of being filled, only to find him lining his cock with your entrance “K-Keigo?” you ask, confused about the situation but not displeased with it. He jumps at the surprise “H-Hey y/n. Didn’t think you would wake up, seems like you were having a fun dream” his mouth runs, it never stops, not even when you caught him almost raping you. You remember what you were dreaming about, instantly blushing.

“Do you uh- do you want me to stop?” he asks, you shake your head in disagreement “please just- fill me with your cum, Kei” the nickname has him going feral, inserting his cock painfully slow for both of you, you grab firmly to his forearms, digging your nails a little.

He starts thrusting inside you, slow at first but the pace growing more brutal as he feels his self control leave him, you teased his wings and moaned his name, the sound of wetness and skin slamming making the atmosphere incredibly lewd.

“I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna fill you so good y/n” he says “cum for me, please cum for me” he pleads, rubbing circles on your clit, before you can say anything your walls clench around him, milking him in a toe curling orgasm “K-Keigo!” you arch your back, feeling him tense and let out a loud groan, your walls filled with his cum in an instant.

You both pant heavily, he stays inside of you for a moment “I just... want to keep it inside you” he groans, pushing his hips inside you further “fuck” his voice is deep, making you shake.

he doesn’t want to pull out and you respect that wish, only cuddling with him on your small bed.

“Guess now I have an excuse to keep you mine, dovey”

I hope you enjoy this, darling

Have a great day/night

[fwkei]

Time.

Kazutora x fem!reader (angst/fluff)

CW/TW: Mentions of suicide, (slight) mention of starvation.

MAJOR SPOILERS FOR VALHALLA ARC

Note! Explanation of story at end just incase you’re confused also i apologize for mistakes, i did not read this over. 🙆🏻‍♀️

WC: 3.4k

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You sat at the edge of your seat. Watching the clock above your teacher's head ever so closely. 

“When you want to find the common di-” 

Suddenly the bell rang, interrupting your teacher from his final words. 

“Oh my bad, guess I lost track of time, anyways please remember to study for your quiz on Monday! I know it's a weekend, but save some time for academics!” said your teacher as your classmates packed up their stuff to leave. 

Today was Friday, meaning it was the day you get to visit Kazutora at juvie for the first time after Keisuke's death, and your attempt. It was 3:30, and visiting hours started at 4 to 5 every Friday for inmates. Running to the metro takes about 5-7 minutes, and walking from the station to the actual juvie takes about 20 minutes, while the ride lasts up to 10, meaning you should arrive there at around 4:10. And there's no time to waste. 

You ran out of class, ignoring your fellow classmates goodbyes. You held your book bag tight as you ran fast to the Tokyo station. Seeing you arrived just on time you jumped in just before the 3:30 o'clock train leaves to a different side of the district where Kazutora is being held. You held onto the rail beside you to keep yourself steady as the train started to move . 

You felt scared but happy to see Kazutora. He most probably didn't know you would be coming, he probably thought you would at most write letters to him, like before, but again...Kazutora believes that you hate him now. You didn't know what you were going to say to him. Draken told you that he already visited him while you were in psychiatric hold for a bit, and he told you that Kazutora was planning on killing himself. Draken did not specify if he told Kazutora about your own attempt but you didn't worry too much because you were healing, and you now had hope.  

Your heart was racing, as the train came to a stop. As the doors opened you ran, and fast. Dodging people to not hurt them and almost stepping on things you shouldn’t be stepping on. You checked the time to see it was 4:01, and you still had about 10 minutes worth of walking/running to cover. 

You were breathing heavily when the Juvenile building came into view. You checked the time again to see it was 4:11. You jogged to the doors of the building despite the fact that your thighs were burning from the amount of cardio you had just done. 

It's all worth it. 

You thought to yourself opening the doors. 

Kazutora sat on the bed of his bland and colorless cell. He signed as he looked up at the ceiling light before turning his position to look at the side of the wall. He held his pillow tight. He knew it was visiting day, and his heart was anxious despite the fact that others had already been called to see their visitors, and there was still no call for him. He didn't even expect any visitors.

Kazutora didn't know if he wanted to see you or not. He’s spent so much time alone in his cell thinking. He wondered if you had figured out the other reason for him stabbing his best friend, you could read people, but he knew you had a hard time reading him. He felt his heart ache. He was scared of the karma that would hit him because of it. Maybe not even Karma, but just some sort of punishment, for causing pain to the soul that cared for him so much, and for not being there for that soul when she needed it the most. Which... ultimately lead to your attempt, which Draken told him about during his visit. He shut his eyes as he remembered Draken's words. 

“I don’t wanna hear you say there is no point anymore. Because there is, and it’s kinda frustrating and irritating how you can’t see it even though it’s right there. She’s in psychiatric hold right now because she was close to ending her own life. After Baji died, and you were taken away, Y/n couldn't take it anymore, and no one could see it because she just...she just kept it in, like you do. She was going to die on Baji’s birthday if I wasn’t there to make her throw up the pills she took. Her and I may not be blood related siblings, but I know she’s been through a lot and has always gotten over it just fine, you know that...but this time...I got really fucking scared.”

Kazutora felt his heart drop to fucking hell at Draken’s words. He felt his breathing stop as his mouth parted.

“I know you love her, I'm not sure in what way but I could care less about that. I know, Kazutora. All those times you came crying to the brothel, crying into her arms, begging for some type of help and she helped you, lended you her body for you to cry on, I’d hear all of it. I know you’re hurting, but if you go, I don't think she will be able to live with herself. She’ll blame herself for not being there for you like she’s always been. Do you understand?”

He felt his body throb from literal physical pain. Kazutora was feeling and getting the punishment he deserved right then and there. 

“You owe it to her, whether you like it or not, to stay alive because she's doing the same for you. And once you’re out of here, you should finally grow up. Let her cry into your arms for once. She’s your best friend, right? Because she deserves for those efforts to be reciprocated. And you deserve to see what she’s gone through because of everything that happened. Take care, Kazutora.” 

Kazutora was lost in his own mind, to the point where he couldn't even register that one of the guards was calling his name from the cell door.

“Hm? I’m sorry I wasn't...uh, paying attention. What did you say?” he asked sitting up nervously 

“You got a visitor, kid. C’mon get up.” said the man unlocking his cell 

“A- visitor?” he said quietly getting up from his bed with shocked eyes 

It was already 4:15. Kazutora grew anxious at who his visitor could be. He was sure it wasn't you, your school is too far for you to make it here in time. There would only be a couple minutes to spare if you did try. Could it be Draken wanting to give him a word of advice? Or maybe Chifuyu.. Maybe Mikey? God, who could it be. It made him feel even more congested and trapped than before.  

As Kazutora walked, he looked down at his feet avoiding people's gazes. He saw the backs of his fellow juvenile delinquents from the side of his eye. His heartbeat became stronger, and he felt it thumbing in his ears. God, he didn't know what to expect. He was just so...frustrated. 

“Here, you have until 5.” said the guard, taking off his hand cuffs. His back was facing you. You grew anxious bringing your hands to rest on your things and skirt, waiting for him to turn around and look at you. You watched as he rubbed his wrists and sat down at the stool still not looking at you. You rubbed your hands together under the table separating you both, as the guard walked away to patrol. Your eyes followed the guard, not even noticing that Kazutora had turned to look at your face. 

Kazutora felt his face get hot at the sight of you. You had a school shirt on, with a dark blue tie and a sweater vest, Your hair tied into a low and messy bun with some of you natural and dyed hairs falling out framing your face. He felt his whole body go warm as you turned your head and gave him a nervous smile as a small blush formed. He didn't know why he was scared to see you, because every time Kazutora had the chance to see you, he instantly felt better, no matter what.

You two, and the other inmates and visitors, were all separated by a piece of plastic with a vent to capture sound better. On the side there was a subsection with an opening to the other side where you could pass things through. Such as notes, toys, hygiene stuff, and extra. You brought your hands to the table holding them.

“Hey...sorry I’m late.” you said as you saw Kazutora snap out of his gaze 

“Oh no I-, please don’t be..” he said waving his hands frantically, clearly nervous

“I had to run about 2 miles to get here..” you laughed trying to not tense up

Kazutora felt… stupid, why would you do that? Just to see him? It just made him even more confused...confused about how he felt towards you. 

“Just to see me? But..why?” he asked without thinking and just speaking, giving a regretful and embarrassed face after asking his question.

“Hm? Oh well it's simple really…” you said bringing your hands to rest in between your thighs on your seat 

“I know that I've told you that I don't like saying these words to people because it sounds like some sort of goodbye but it’s time I grow up from my past, and stop keeping things in..so…it’s because I love you... I thought that was fairly obvious but I don't wanna mess up like I did last time. I want you to know that I do love you and care for you.” you said giving him a closed eyed smile, this made Kazutora realize that you deeply regretted not telling Keisuke that you loved him more often when you two still had time. He felt his heart ache. He felt so guilty and gross.

“So, I’m gonna try and start saying that more often..” you said laughing to break the silence 

Kazutora was still speechless at what you had just said. He couldn’t seem to process it, and he wanted to say it back but for some reason he just couldn’t. He was afraid that something else might slip out. He truly didn't think he was worthy of your love and care. It became quiet. Again.

“I made you a bento box with your favorite things, I made sure to put some extra meat. Cause you always used to ask for that when I would make bentos for study days with you and Keisuke. And don’t worry! It’s allowed and you can have the kitchen hold it for you till you’re ready to eat it for today's dinner, the guards said so. And the container is microwave safe! So you can warm up the entree section. There’s rice and BBQ meat, little octopus shaped sausages and sauce with it! Oh and a salad with sesame dressing on the side, and desert which is just mochi. Every Friday I'll come by, and give you the new bento and you'll just give me back the old one, so that I can wash it and so we don't have to waste stuff.” you said smiling 

Your hand dung into your bag, and you pulled out a wooden bento box sliding it halfway through the subsection, but Kazutora hung his head low. You smiled, trying your best to make things right, as silence grew loud again. 

“I can also bring some mangas for you, I know you like shounen and also horror.. So I can buy some and give them to you so that you aren't bored! This week's shonen jump is good… It’s about a boy who is trying to save his mom, and ends up traveling across lands, with close friends, to get this special potion that will heal her, but I’ll make sure to look for some good horror manga too...I know you like stuff about folk tales, that sound okay?”  

Silence.

After a few minutes you spoke again.

“I decided to let my hair grow out cause I kinda miss having longer hair…There's this really pretty girl in my class who has long blonde hair.. Like Emma’s but longer and more wavy.. What about you? Anything you wanna do to your hair when you get out? I’ll take you to get it done-” 

Silence. 

The time now at 4:40. Kazutora bit his lip out of frustration, refusing to look up at you. 

“Oh! What about I bring over a sudoku book, so you can work on your academics as well! I can teach you how to play, it’s fun once you get the hang of it. Or I can bring just a simple literature book, it’s really up to you, I think both are great.” 

Silence. 

“Maybe markers so you can draw on yourself when you’re bored? I remember you doing that while I would tutor you and Keisuke. I can get big and small ones, and ones with different colors too. Also a sketch book, since you’re really good at drawing.” 

You were met with silence again. You felt your heart ache. Your eyes looked up at the clock and saw it was 4:47. You both were running out of time. About half an hour went by of your speaking, you giving a couple minutes in between waiting for him to speak back, but nothing. You clenched your hands into fists, biting your bottom lip as you looked down at your hands, resting on your thighs. 

You felt a strong feeling in your throat, the feeling you get when you’re about to sob. You were so frustrated, and you were trying to keep a level head. It was hard and you just wanted to fucking cry. 

“I- '' you said before closing your mouth realizing you were about to let out a whine. You didn't wanna cry, you wanted to say something but you were afraid that if you did, it would just come out as a sob.  

“I know it’s hard on you-” you said holding back your sobs while still looking down at your hands, letting your hairs cover your face 

“If you don’t want me here, I promise- that I’m fine with that...but~” you said in between pauses keeping your sobs in, but your last word came out shaky making Kazutora shoot his head to see you about to cry. 

He felt his heart ache once again. 

 “But please….jus-just say something. Anything. At least acknowledge that I'm here.” you cried quietly while tensing up your shoulders 

Kazutora frowned. This was his punishment. Seeing you cry, and not being able to hold and comfort you like he desperately wanted to. He opened his mouth, but closed it soon after when nothing came out. Not even a squeak, or whine, or breath. 

“I-”

You heard him say. You looked up with tears in your eyes seeing his face of desperation. 

Kazutora wanted to speak so badly, there were so many thoughts in his head he just could not push one out of his mouth, and he was afraid he might say something he would regret. He wanted to respond to everything you asked him, add commentary, tell you that you looked pretty today, say thank you for the food you made him. Tell you to not waste your tears on someone like him. Say sorry for making you feel uncomfortable because of his silence. God he just- 

“I love you-” he choked up and said in a louder tone causing your eyes to widen and mouth to part from shock at his sudden outburst.

He was avoiding your eyes as he spoke. 

“I- thank you, thank you so much for the food! Really! And I would really love whatever and everything you bring me.” he said, quieting down towards the end.  

“I...can’t put my thoughts into words… and I don’t wanna say something I’d regret. All this time I’ve just been lost in my own mind. I just want you to know that..that I really am in- that I really appreciate you. I want you..to be here, and I’m so...sorry for making you cry.” he said in between pauses of frustration and embarrassment 

You felt your body get warm, your heart beat was strong and you could feel it in your finger tips and temples. You opened your mouth to say something before Kazutora spoke again. 

“I..wanted to.. Wanted to help you...in just some way...after seeing you cry for the first time...with Baji in your arms….I shouldn't have stabbed Baji...I took the person you loved more than anything...away from you.. Because I was j- because I was so stupid, and still am. Even when you’ve done...so fucking much for me...I- and I took him from you...I just don’t get it… how can you have any empathy towards me anymore.. It doesn't make sense. I took so much from you… I killed Shinchiro, and I killed Baji. You loved them both...Mikey loved them both, why do..why do you even have any feeling towards me?” he said looking into your eyes with tears   

Your eyes softened at him. You took a small breath before saying-

“I thought I already told you why, Kazutora. I love you.” 

Kazutora felt a tear run down his cheek. He knew how much thought came behind those simple words. 

“I don’t need a reason to love you. Just like I don't need a reason to be hungry. It’s just there, and will continue to be there, you know what I mean? Same thing with everyone I love.” you said 

His breath hitched. The time now at 4:52.

“The only difference is I was in love with Keisuke. I still am in love with him. Even though he’s not here anymore. I know you might think I love him and Shinchiro and Mikey because they saved my life and helped me. But I was only so little. I had no concept of it. So was Keisuke. So was Mikey. Keisuke had no reason to come up to little me while I was starving on the ground practically dying. He just did it. He was too young to understand love. You think he understood his feelings for me the second he saw me? Or even with Mikey or Shinchiro. Of course not. They were just focussed on saving my life at the time. We discovered the love that was involved later. Even if it was too late to say anything about it. It took Kei and I about...hmmm..5-7 years maybe...to understand what we felt toward each other specifically. It is different with everyone. The love is just there, it’ll just be understood when the time is right. Like when your hunger just hits you. So when you ask me why I love you, or care for you, or forgive you. I just can’t give you a simple answer, even if I wanted to….because there's so much. Too much.” 

Kazutora understood your words. He really did. It made so much sense to him and he just wanted to scream.

Why? Well.. 

“The time will come where you believe that you're worthy of someone else's love and even your own, and even worth loving someone else yourself. So don’t worry. I’ll wait. I’ll wait as long as it takes. Even if it takes all the time in the world, okay?” you said smiling at him leaving him with shocked eyes

“Alright times up! 5 o'clock!” yelled a guard 

“Well, I'll see you next Friday, okay? I’ll bring over some manga, oh! And don't forget the bento!” you said getting up from your seat as Kazutora did the same keeping his hands on the table as the guard came to cuff them 

“Y/n I-I’m…”

No. He can’t say it. He can never ever say it. Why? And say what? 

Because he will never be him. He can never be like him for you, and he was perfect for you. He was the one there for you. He had the time to love you. He was the one. He could never even compete. Not after what he did. Not after the jealousy and envy grew and brewed inside him towards him. He is filthy. Not worthy of your love. Right? 

But someday, he desperately and genuinely wants to allow himself to be loved, and to love. Kazutora will forever be longing for that moment. And when he can love, and allow himself to be loved, he wants it to be with you. 

But till that time comes..

“I’ll...really be looking forward to it.” he said biting back his words and smiling softly 

“Likewise.” you said smiling as you both parted your ways, at least for the time being. 

------------------------------------------

Explanation/note: when i wrote this, i made y/n be a ‘foster’ siblings with Draken and childhood friends with Mikey and Keisuke. << Reason being is because i gave her a backstory where she was neglected and ran away, hence her having a more naturing personality. Y/n and Keisuke were a couple till he died but Kazutora always loved Y/n so it’s a love triangle in a way? I don’t know, but Kazutora grew envious of Keisuke in this ff which ended up being a motive to stabbing him during the fight, to which he later regrets and gets punishment for. Y/n in the story doesn’t know that so that’s why Kazutora can’t accept her love for real because he doesn't know if Y/n will really forgive him after that, and Kazutora won’t be able to learn/accept love till he admits what he did. Holding in that secret, and being in love with Y/n makes him feel frustrated and act out. And obviously time is the theme of this whole story. Kazutora at the end decided to avoid his feelings because the way things are going right now fro the time being for him are fine because he doesn't believe he deserves anything more.  But that can only last for so long, so he’s gambling with his relationship with you. He thinks of it as his punishment for now, not being able to tell you how he really feels, and not being able to comfort you.

ANYWAYS hope you liked it, sorry if it’s confusing. 

[lovelyghostlyharmony]

Supernatural- first 'I love you'

Archangels-

Gabriel- The first time Gabriel said he loved you was when you got slightly jealous of a waitress in a bar because she was flirting and Gabriel wasn’t doing anything to stop it. You started to feel stupid just watching it happen so you left him with the waitress and sat in the car regretting ever going out with Gabriel.

I mean, what were you thinking? Going out with a flirty archangel? Of course, he was never going to change his ways… Especially for a girl like you. ‘What was I thinking?’ you thought to yourself but, as expected, there was no answer back. You sat in the back of the car waiting for Gabriel to arrive back. Being very emotional at this time, you were trying to hold back tears, the best thing for you now was to get some fresh air. You hadn’t noticed that Dean(who had come to supervise the archangel) had got back in the car and was watching you with your head in your hands breathing slowly.    "What’s wrong, Y/N?“    "It’s nothing. I just need a little air.” You stepped out of the vehicle and walked over to the railings that looked out into the sea. You breathed in the Miami sea air and smiled having finally calmed down.  'It was nothing,’ you thought, 'Gabriel and I have only been going out a couple of months so it’s not that serious.“ But your heart thought otherwise. He probably didn’t love you or couldn’t tell yet but you knew you loved him though you’d never say it. You knew it. Someone was calling your name snapping you out of your daydream. Quickly, in your best efforts to wipe away your smuggled makeup, you turned to face the person. It was Gabriel. Almost like a sixth sense (sarcasm), he knew something was wrong.     "What’s wrong? You left the bar early and Dean said you were upset in the car earlier. Are you okay?”     “It’s nothing,” you lied. Your voice cracked a little. Then something clicked in Gabriel’s mind.     “If this is about me not tidying away the sweets from earlier, I’m sorry.” Obviously, not the right thing clicked…     “No, it’s not that. It’s just, well, the waitress was flirting with you and you didn’t seem to mind,” you turned away and faced the waves lapping up against the beach, “It’s nothing. Just my imagination that you’d ever change.” You whispered the last bit so you thought he couldn’t hear but he did.     “You know I love you, right?” Your head snapped around quickly. “I know sometimes that it seems like I won’t be able to get away from my reputation but today when you said the waitress was flirting I didn’t even notice because you’re the only woman I notice now. We’ve only been going out a couple of months but I love you.” Your head snapped round in surprise and you didn’t speak for a moment trying to figure out if he meant it. Gabriel saw you thinking and worry rushed over his face, “I knew it was too soon. What was I thinking? We’ve only been dating-” You kissed him to silence his rant.      "I love you too.“

Michael-

The first time Michael ever said he loved you was after you’d been on a dangerous hunt and got hurt. You were in the hospital for several days in a comatose-like state. He stayed by your side only leaving if absolutely necessary. He kept whispering that you’d be okay. That everything would be fine. Little did you know that that day would be the first time Michael ould confess his love.

As soon as his father called informing Michael that you had been hurt, he immediately flew to where he had been told that you were. His mind thought the worst but Michael's heart hoped for the best. He saw you in the hospital bed and rushed to your side. After several minutes, he had taken to holding your hand to calm his nerves. An hour past a nurse, after checking your vital signs, asked him to leave.    "I’m sorry sir but you’re not allowed to stay here. Visiting hours are over.”    "Please,“ Michael begged her, "I love her. I want to be here if and when she wakes up.”    Although he tried to calm his tone, it still insisted on cracking ever so slightly that the nurse must’ve heard and taken pity on him allowing him to stay. He'd thanked her before returning his attention to you.    "Come back to me, my little angel, come back to me.“ He whispered to you quietly that everything would be okay and that you would be okay. Even though he spoke to you, it was mostly for him.     After two more days and one night spent here at the hospital, Michael's heart saddened. He was sure you’d have awoken by now. This was you, you were a hero, a savior, he couldn’t have it end this way. He sighed and continued to rub small circles in a comforting manner on your hand though it had no grip and you could not respond but he hoped it would calm you. A small tear ebbed down his face but no emotion was displayed on his features.    "I love you, little angel. Come back to me. Y/N, I love you and I’m sorry I didn’t say it every day before this because I’ve known for a long time that I love you but I was afraid. Afraid of rejection or not being enough for you or possibly too much. But I’m not afraid of any of that anymore. I’m only afraid of losing you, you better hurry up and get back to me because you know I hate being afraid and this time you can’t comfort me. I love you, Y/N.” he looked down to the grey floor away from you. he was about to get up and leave when your hand gripped his. His eyes fluttered open and Michael made a small cry out of joy.    "Y/N…“    "I love you too.”     Then he was pulled into a loving hug which he welcomed by pulling you closer so afraid that this wasn’t real or it was all a dream. You nuzzled his neck breathing in the fresh, sweet scent of him which you had missed so much while he buried his head in your neck and stroked your hair in a calming manner. It felt like you were there forever and in your opinion even if it was, you wouldn't have spent eternity any other way.

Raphael-

The relationship you had with Raphael was very complex and far from simple but the one thing that was simple was the foundations of your relationship that were made of pure love. An unspoken but known love for one another. Neither of you had ever technically said you loved each other but you both knew it. The first time you said you loved him was when you found out he was dead. You were devastated that he was gone and mourned over him. It was the first time you visited his grave where you buried him and you admitted your love for him.

You walked up solemnly up to your lost love’s grave and sat on a bench facing it. Your eyes wandered across the writing that was engraved on the tombstone. Many thoughts had crossed your mind the day you got the news that he was gone. He had apparently fought and died at Castiel's hands but some part of you thought that even though it made Raphael sound like a monster, which he was not, it didn’t seem like him. He would’ve been smarter, quicker, better than that. Maybe it was just grief. Maybe it was the last part of your mind clinging on to the last memory of him.     “You’re really gone…” you whispered to yourself, “After all of that, you’re gone and I never got to say goodbye. Oh, Raphael. Why have you left me? Some part of me says to move on that you are gone but something in me says that you had one last trick up your sleeve. One last act but maybe that’s just wishful thinking or maybe it’s a deluded vision but every part of me hopes it to be true. That you’re alive. I did this before. I grieved but this is different; this is definitely worse. It’s going to be a long life without you and in truth, I don’t know if I can survive it.”      You stood up and placed several red and yellow orchids upon his grave and let a tear slip down your face. “You know what the saddest part of this whole thing is? I never got to tell you I loved you. Because I did. With all of my heart and you’ll never hear it. It’s too late but I love you, Raphael: brother, son, friend, lover, Archangel, healer, and the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I love you.”     “I love you too.”      You froze. It was his voice but… He was dead. He was gone. It couldn’t be him. How could it be? You turned slowly round to see your lover standing a meter away from you with a small smile forming on his thin lips. You just stayed silent contemplating what just happen. He moved first holding you tight to his chest and stroking your hair gently.    "Raphael…“ you pulled away and cupped his face almost as if to check he was real, "You lied to me,” a wave of confusion hit his face but he didn’t interrupt you, “You said after you left last time, you’d never leave me. You’d never let me feel that pain again and you lied.” His face saddened but pulled you closer and held you tight. “Don’t ever leave me again. I love you.”    "I won’t. And I love you too. I’m so sorry I left you but it was only for your protection and I won’t ever be leaving again.“

Lucifer-

The first time you told Lucifer that you loved him and he told you that he loved you was when he got extremely angry and frustrated. Lately, he had been having really vivid nightmares and was starting to remember how many people he killed. Lucifer had started drinking early in the evening and when you came in he had smashed the glass against the wall and was crying out of frustration with his back against the side.

You approached him cautiously having just come in to see your boyfriend in clear turmoil and pain. You called out his name softly and tried to edge closer to him not wanting to anger him any further. He heard his name being called and looked up with anger in his eyes which soon faded when they fell on you. The stance you had taken to was now a crouch so you were at his eye level, “Lucifer? What happened?”      His sorrowful and regretful eyes looked back at the ground. You thought and looked at the bottle remains which had been scattered all over the kitchen floor. “Lucifer. Let me help.” You reached for his hands but he pulled them away and continued looking down. “I just want to help, Lucifer, please let me.” He looked back up and anger filled his eyes but this time it didn’t fade. It was pure rage.     “You can’t help a monster like me! A murderer! You can’t help me! Why do you stay?! Is it out of pity? Because it surely can’t be because you’re here by choice! I bet it’s my dad! he still hates me!” he cried out bundling his fist tightly. They made a crunching sound which you assumed was glass.     “You want to know why I stay?” you ask, not waiting for a reply or response, you continue, “I stay because I love you, Lucifer. You are not a monster. You’re the man I love who would do anything to protect his family, who is a hero, who has a good heart, and is the amazing man that changed my life. I love you.” Lucifer looked at you with regret for shouting at you. “Do you love me?” you asked.     “How could I not love you? Of course, I love you! You’re perfect in every way and I am so thankful that an amazing human like you could ever love a devil like me. I don’t know why you stay with me but I’m going to do everything in my power to treat you like a princess and try to be the decent guy that you deserve.” You smile and pull him into a hug and he quickly hugs you back. “Let’s get you cleaned up then, shall we?” you whisper into his ear not breaking the hug. He pulls away after a while and you both clean up the kitchen. You are quickly done with it soon enough.     “I love you,” Lucifer says taking your small, delicate hands in his.     “I love you too,” you say then kiss him.

A/N- Hope you enjoyed the longest thing I've ever written, I couldn't sleep so why not write.

if you have requests or questions send them in

[princessofprocrastination]

Neglected (Dream)

MASTERLIST 

summary : it had became a habit that you’d show up at his house, but as time goes by, your efforts go to waste (angst) (fluff)

it didn’t matter if you were pretty busy or exhausted that day, you’d still show up at your boyfriend’s house no matter what. 

it used to be a ‘sometimes, only if you weren’t busy’ thing, just coming to make sure he has eaten, checking on sapnap as well and hanging out with them. but as the clock ticks, and your relationship prolonged, you seemed to always be at his house. 

sapnap never thought you were a bother. yeah, you asked. you didn’t want any of the two to feel uncomfortable at the fact that you were there often. but, sapnap reassured you that the both of them loved you being there. 

and also because you cooked for them all the time. 

being done with school for a while, you started working and starting your career, making you extremely busy, just like the two boys. sometimes, you don’t even show up until late. 

not that they were sleeping anyways. those two seemed to stay up late all the time. 

you enjoyed making food for them, trying new recipes, sending their plate of food to their rooms as they stream or are in a discord call with their friends. it made you happy seeing their eyes light up from seeing a hot and steaming plate of food delivered to them.

especially if it was homecooked. yum. 

but, as months go by, you start to notice a barrier between you and your boyfriend. now, you weren’t going to lie and say the both of you had been together for a long time, being long time partners, but you thought the honeymoon phase was going to last a little while longer. 

of course, you tried asking sapnap about it, texting him from time to time, making sure he didn’t get upset over a game or an argument online. 

nevertheless, sapnap himself didn’t know what was going on with his bestfriend. he thought dream was just doing fine, not knowing you felt that way. 

you told him not to worry about it, let alone talk to dream about it. you didn’t want it to be a big deal.

it wasn’t a big deal anyways, you just noticed the change of atmosphere. 

you still came over everyday, though. making food, making sure to make extra for leftovers just in case they woke up and got hungry and you weren’t there to make food. 

though it had become a routine at this point, the only person who seemed to appreciate it was sapnap. your boyfriend, however, seemed cold. 

“hey, i have food” you walked in the room after knocking at your boyfriend’s door. you had sent the other plate to sapnap’s just minutes ago. 

he barely gave you a glance, just only clicking the mute button after hearing you come in. that was how you knew he heard you. 

you set down the plate on his desk, where you had always made sure to clear out for him to eat while on his pc. you set down a cup right next to the plate with his drink, full. 

after which, you sat down on his bed, like you usually would to do some catching up on your laptop. usually it would be work since that was the only time you had during the day to finish it.

a couple hours later you finished you work and decided it was time to watch a couple youtube videos to reward yourself after a long day. 

you made sure you had on your airpods before watching anything so that it didn’t disrupt dream working. 

as you were watching the new mrbeast video, the one where he runs from a  bounty hunter, you start to catch a cold. 

not thinking of it, a small sneeze came out of you. and then another one came right after that. 

it was the type of sneeze that irritated the back of your throat, which usually meant that there was more sneezes to come and you were sure that you were falling ill. 

your eyes closed, as you tried to recover from your sneezes. you heard clicking from your boyfriend’s side. as you opened your eyes, you weren’t expecting him to be staring at you. 

thinking he was going to say ‘bless you’, you gave him a small smile. that was until he shouted at you. 

“can you shut up, karl’s entire stream literally heard you.” he raised his voice at you. you froze. 

sure, you’ve heard him scream from time to time, being mad or frustrated on his game but never to you. he had always seemed so kind and sweet to you. 

“fuck, i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to.” you apologised. you genuinely didn’t mean for anyone to hear you, not especially if it was obvious to people that someone was accompanying dream in his room.

“just get out before you make another noise.” he reprimanded you. 

you stared at his figure as he went back to his game before picking up your laptop and leaving the room. 

you sat on the couch in his living room, trying to process what had just happened in that room. 

you calmed yourself before you started crying. you were expecting the day to end well, with you cuddling your boyfriend at the end of the night. 

things don’t usually go your way, do they? 

you were thinking of leaving. it was getting late, anyway. but you hadn’t cooked the next meal for the boys. 

so you did just that. you cooked a simple meal, putting it on the counter, leaving a note to tell them to put the plate into the microwave before eating. 

and off you go, back to your house. 

you weren’t offended, you’d say. you were sure he was mad at a game before getting off on you. you didn’t take any of his screaming to heart. 

what sucked at that moment was that you got a fever on top of your cold and no one to cuddle you. 

you didn’t get sick often, but when you did, you always had dream there for you. 

what you did have this time was sapnap texting you, thanking you for the food that you left on the table. 

the next day came and lucky you, it had been a weekend, and you planned to stay home all day, trying to fight off this stupid cold. 

you got on your phone to order food for the boys, trying to make sure they had food today. though it’s only the afternoon and they’ve probably just woken up, you wanted them to wake up to food waiting. 

after you ordered some mcdonalds for them, making sure to text sapnap about it. shockingly enough, he was awake and already showered. he thanked you for the food but questioned when you were going to come, noticing that there was only two meals. 

sick, can’t get out of bed. you texted him. 

what have you done today? he asked.

showered, and then back to bed. you told him truthfully.

eat and then take your meds. he advised you. you told him you’d do it later when you have the energy to. he didn’t try to go against you knowing how damn stubborn you are. 

also, he knew that you needed the extra rest and getting up while you’re still tired may result you to get into an accident or faint. 

so, he trusted you to remember to eat your medicine later. 

dream honestly didn’t bother asking why you were missing from his house that day. sure, he did notice, since the one who always giving him food while working had been you, and you didn’t do that. 

at some point during the day, dream became exhausted, or hungry, but was frustrated that he had no longer you to rely on for energy that day. 

that day wasn’t the only day you were absent from his house, it dragged out to days. 

the weird thing was, he didn’t get a single text from you all week, and that made his question if you were okay or not. 

“dude, get out of your cave and let’s watch a movie.” sapnap came in dream’s room in attempt to get him to accompany him in watching a movie with him in the living room. 

after some time, dream gave in and turned off his pc, finally getting up to stretch and leave his room. 

“there’s food for you on the table.” sapnap told dream. it must’ve been you who ordered it. but to be honest, he was missing the home cooked meals you always made for him. 

so he asked sapnap where you had been all week. 

“you’re not serious, are you?” sapnap asked dream. dream gave him a confused look back. 

“it took you this long to ask?” sapnap ranted about you being sick all week and not allowing him to visit in case you accidentally gave him the illness. 

he ranted about the fact dream didn’t bother to ask until now, when he selfishly said he missed your cooking, like you weren’t good for anything else but to feed him like a parent would. 

sure, sapnap and him had been friends for years, but that didn’t excuse him for being an idiot and making stupid decisions, especially about you. and for what? your sneezed being too distracting for the man. 

“fuck.” dream said. 

“yeah, fuck.” sapnap spat out, out of breath from ranting and not stopping to pull a breath. 

dream and him sat in silence, the weird kind of silence. the one where it’s obvious they were thinking of what to do next. 

sapnap sighed. “dude, seriously? go.” he told dream to go to your house to take care of you. 

dream ran to his room, grabbing his keys, wallet and phone and went straight to his car to drive to your place. 

on the way, he grabbed some of your favourite comfort food and flowers. he needed to make it up to you. 

he seriously got mad at you for sneezing? what a fucker. 

he opened your door with the spare key you gave him, making sure  he was quiet so he didn’t disrupt you if you were sleeping on the couch like you tend to do. 

he say the top of your head poking out slightly from the side of the couch. you were laying down on it, snuggled in one of your favourite blankets, watching tv.

“hey.” he slowly said, walking slowly to you, not really wanting to do anything abruptly in case you were mad. 

he saw your head move to tilt towards the voice. obviously you knew who was in your living room at the moment, you just weren’t expecting him to bring stuff. 

you sat up on the couch, bringing the blanket with you, making sure you were fully covered, not in the mood for the cold air to hit your feet. 

“i come bearing gifts.” dream said. 

“i see that.” you told him. why was he stating the obvious? 

“look, i know this doesn’t make up for basically neglecting yo- no, not basically, totally neglecting you, but i thought this was a good way to start?” dream. 

you sat and stared at him for a while, thinking about what to do. 

who were you kidding, you were soft for him. he could literally break your bones and you’d forgive him, especially when he came with flowers. 

“you know flowers are my weak spot.” you pouted at him, after a while of silence. 

dream sighs in relief. “and that’s exactly why i bought them.” he said before bring you in for a hug. 

you pushed him away, telling him that you still had a fever and you didn’t want it to go to him. 

“if i do get it, then you’ll have to take care of me next time. for now, i’m taking care of you.” he told you, giving you a kiss on the forehead. 

“tell me what you want, i’ll do anything for you.” he told you. you smiled at him before hugging him close to you, pulling him into a comfortable position to continue watching the show you had on your tv.

[melo-yello]

📚School Struggles📚 w/ 💥🪨KiriBaku💥🪨 HeadCanons

Pairings: KiriBaku X Black!Reader

Summary: College AU! Reader falls behind in course work, and won’t tell anybody. But Kirishima and Bakugou find out.

A/n: I’m an adult who went most of my life with undiagnosed learning disabilities so this would just be comforting to me. Lil angst! Lots of fluff. Implied ADHD and Dyslexia.

📕🖊 First tests are handed back in four of your eight classes.You’ve failed all but one which you barely passed. You are asked stay back as yet another professor suggests you find a tutor

📕🖊You’re lowkey offended. You’ve never needed a tutor before. Up until recently your performance in other areas compensated for your less than stellar academics. You were in gifted courses all your life. You would just hafta try harder

📕🖊 Kiri and Baku are saving a spot in line for you by the time you meet them at the cafe when you shove the thoughts of failure out of your brain and perk up to your usual self

📕🖊 Kiri’s face lights up as soon as he spots you. “Over here, Babe!” He beams flagging you down. Like it was hard to make out the giant red head in a crowd. Especially with the large lean, continuously pissed blonde scowling at everyone right by his side.

📕🖊 “Hey,Dumbass.” Baku smiles slightly and pulls a hand from his pocket to offer you a hug and a kiss on the temple

📕🖊 Kiri pulls you by your waist into his torso kissing your forehead “What took you so long?” He asks letting you free from the vice grip he had on your curvy hips

📕🖊 “I got a lil turned around again.” You lie pulling Bakugou’s free hand into yours then lean into his shoulder. There’s something very comforting about how warm he is all the time. You wanted to snuggle into his back but PDA really isn’t his thing and you are already pushing it

📕🖊 “It’s a big campus, Teddy, you just have to get used to it. You just transferred. Me and Eiji can take turns walking you from class to class until you get the hang of it, you know?” Baku says trying to read your eyes. He could just feel something is off. Your box braids and the angle itself saves you from any further scrutiny.

📕🖊“You guys, gotta be pretty sprung to do that for me, ya know.” You quip smirking up at him then over to Kiri. “Fuck you too, Teddy Bear.” Baku huffs smirking *maybe he was wrong, unlikely* “Yea basically, Pebs. Liking who you date is super manly.” Kirishima laughs grabbing his tray.

📕🖊 You three finally sit in a small wrap around booth. Bakugou taking the middle spot today. You do your best to not zone out and hyper fixate on your test scores by making sure to laugh at Kiri’s jokes and nod along with Baku’s venting

📕🖊 You slide your fork in and out of your picked over food as you strategize how to fix your current problem without alerting your boyfriends. Before you knew it your table is quiet with two crimson gazes fixed on you

📕🖊 “You’re quiet today, L/n.” Bakugou says fixing you with a deeply fierce gaze which was his way of looking concerned. Sharpness of your actual name drew you from your thoughts in a instant. “Hmmm I think Kats has a point, L/n Y/n.” Kirishima says in between slurps of his smoothie. His red eyes practically dripping with curious concern

📕🖊 You make a quick split decision between the truth and charm. “Wow, my government. I must be in real big trouble.” You pout trying to flirt your way out of a more serious conversation. You poke out your plush bottom at Kiri while slipping a hand onto Baku’s inner thigh and gently squeezing before hitting him with the same seductive pout

📕🖊 Big Mistake!😳 Bakugou’s vermillion eyes widen before becoming instantly stern as he grips your wrist tight enough to hurt. “The fuck are you doing?!! I was being serious, Y/n! And in public?!! You’re fucking priceless!” The ash blonde hisses with angry pink cheeks. Guilt washes over you when you snatch your wrist back. “I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to...talk about it.” You mumble. “Then use your fucking words!” 😤 Bakugou kisses his teeth and stands so Kiri lets him out. “He’s just a little embarrassed, Pebble. I needa talk him down. You can find your next class right?” He sighs watching Baku storm out

📕🖊 “Yea. I’m sorry. Tell him, Kiri. Please.” You squeak sheepishly grabbing your stuff. “He knows but I will. He’s mad about other stuff.” He nods following after Bakugou

📕🖊 It’s intimidating to compete with their history at times. You couldn’t bring yourself to just dump all your issues on them

📕🖊 You’ve only been dating since summer and Kiri and Baku have been dating since their senior year in high school year. You guys are starting your junior year and are still learning each other.

📕🖊 You get lost a couple times before finding the right building. The noise in your head going nearly at light speed to wrap all the problems you’re having. The professor passes the test you’d spent majority of last night and early morning studying for. You felt confident until it was in your hands.

📕🖊 You chew the pen top trying to finish up the last 7 short answer questions when then alarm for 5 minutes left is given. You panic not even having started the true false section on the last page. You scribble down answers just as time up is announced across the classroom

📕🖊 Defeat washes over while you shuffle out the door. You reach in your pocket to dig out the card for Student Accomidation Services your World Civ professor gave you. Maybe this was something simple as a “processing problem” as she had explained when you visited her during office hours

📕🖊 A throat clearing pulls you from your thoughts. You jump stuffing both hands into your jeans card and all. Bakugou stood unreadable propped up on a wall only a few steps away from you. “Eiji, thinks we need to talk about the cafe. Plus he doesn’t get out of lab til 3:45, so you’re kinda stuck with me.” Bakugou mumbles offering his palm as an olive branch.

📕🖊 “He’s probably right. I don’t mind just you, Tuff Guy. I really am sorry though, Katsuki.” You sigh interlocking your fingers with his. “I know, Teddy. I wasn’t really mad about that anyways.” Baku concedes as you two stroll down the hall. “I didn’t hurt your wrist earlier, did I?” Baku asks softly opening the door and meeting your eyes with gentle concern. “Nah, You didn’t, King Explosion Murder.” You laugh giving his hand a firm squeeze before kissing it

📕🖊 The walk to your dorm is quiet and peaceful. He lets you settle your school bag before speaking again “I just feel like you’re still trying to hide parts of yourself from us, especially me,” He says looking into your eyes now, “Like you’ve been pulling back. Eijirou thinks I’m looking too deep, but I doubt it. I know I can be a little rough and mean sometimes...well a lot of the times. I’m not easy to get along with. But you know you can talk to us when you’re upset or if something bothering you... if I’m bothering you. I don’t like you feeling like you have to pretend to be ok if you’re not.” Baku finishes crossing his arms tightly across your chest.

📕🖊 You dig your nails into your palms mercilessly. You open your mouth to reply and reassure him but the words won’t come. Baku notices what you’re doing to your hands and steps closer to take them into his. He rubs slow circles into the backs of them. Hot tears pool at the corners of your eyes as you try to find your voice. “Kats, I’m...I didn’t me...I...Of course you’re not what’s bothering me.” you croak out just as tears roll down your face and Baku pulls you to his chest.

📕🖊 Your breathing hitches and you just let yourself be disappointed, confused, frustrated, and upset about the last month and a half of struggling and wondering why you couldn’t tell anybody and why no one was even noticing. But He did. Baku had noticed. He rocks gently as you tremble in his arms rubbing firm circles in your lower back.

📕🖊 You two stay like that for what seems forever. Once your breathing evens out Baku’s hold relaxes. He kisses both your temples.You reluctantly let go , so you can pull wrinkled failing test pages from your backpack. “Please don’t laugh at me, Suki.” You peep placing the cause of your meltdown in his hands not attempting to have your puffy eyes met his red ones. Lifting your chin so you’re looking him in the eyes. “Come on, Teddy Bear. I wouldn’t dare.” He nods with the most serious face

📕🖊 Bakugou is quiet for a while as he leafs through the exam papers. “Why didn’t finish any of them?” He asks “Time. I’m a slow reader.” You mutter back. “I’ve seen you doing homework for two of these courses and passing those, what’s happening?” Baku says staring in disbelief at the scores at the top of each exam.

📕🖊 You swallow the lingering fear of judgement. You place a hand at your temple to remind yourself of Baku’s earlier tenderness. “I get anxious. It gets so much harder to read when I’m that worked up, and I can barely focus once I start forgetting answers...I know it’s just a test. I guess...That sounds dumb, doesn’t it?” You sigh shrug off your own explanation.

📕🖊 “Nope. Not dumb at all. Sounds like test anxiety to me. I struggled with that in high school . I didn’t know you were a slow reader, Teddy.” Baku says pulling your hand before you can dig your nails into it. “Yea. One of my professors thinks I have dyslexia and ADHD...but I’m not stupid sooo.” You hum rocking on your heels “That is not what either of those words mean, and I know you know that, L/n.” Bakugou growls he absolutely hates when you or Kirishima talk down on yourselves. “Yea but it feels like it though.” You sigh biting your lips

📕🖊 Before Baku can say a word, Kiri swings the door open. “Babes! Have you two hotties missed me?” The red head shouts coming through the door way smiling until he sees your puffy eyes and tense posture. “Bakugou Katsuki, I know you fucking didn’t?!!” Kiri questions suspiciously leaning down to rest his chin on your shoulder and wrapping a protective hold around your waist.

📕🖊 “The Absolute fuc-” Baku’s defensive rant is cut short as you kiss the hand holding yours to quiet him as you answer Kiri “No Eiji, he didn’t. I’m flunking like half my classes.” You huff meeting his eyes with quivering lips trying your best not to cry all over again

📕🖊 Kiri is stunted into complete silence. The only thing he can think to say is an apology to his boyfriend for jumping to conclusions. Last time he checked your GPA’s a lot more impressive that his. “How the fuck is that even possible? You transferred into the honor courses.” Kiri says completely baffled moving to where he could see your face.

📕🖊 You explain to your boyfriends all the things that have been tripping you up and confusing you. You detail how hard studying has been as far as staying focused and actually understanding lengthy test questions

📕🖊 Kiri has a million questions at first but stops half way through after Baku grabs your overnight bag and leads you out the door. “You’re gonna freak her out all over again, Shitty Hair, if you keep going at her like that.” He could tell you were getting overwhelmed, and might cry again “My bad, Pebs.” Kiri says kissing your cheek as he follows behind

📕🖊 Once you get back to their apartment and Baku askes for your help making dinner. He has you read the directions and ingredients to him. You stumble through most of it, but that doesn’t stop him from praising you as soon as you finish. He has since learned you and Kiri do best when told how well you’re doing vs his typical shouting method

📕🖊 The three of you set an assessment time with the Student Disability Services on campus that doesn’t conflict with the Boys’ schedules, because they insisted that they’d both be there to support their baby and wouldn’t take your bullshit excuses for an actual reason to miss it

📕🖊 Kiri helps you make flash cards for your next test. If he remembers nothing else from Baku’s tutoring sessions the importance of repetition is drilled into him...among other things. Each time you ask him how that went he’ll just shudder. “It was the most intensely terrifying experience of my high school career, and we fought villains pretty regularly.” Kiri deadpans before grinning like the Cheshire Cat and covering his head. “You’re full of fucking shit, Shark Week! I’m the best tutor you assholes could hope for.” Baku yells pushing Kiri’s face into his pages of notes.

📕🖊 The night before your disability assessment you find yourself tossing and turning at like 4:45 in the morning. Kiri repositions pinning you in place so you face Baku’s back. You trace soft shapes into him just before he flips meeting your eyes. “Lil early isn’t it, Babygirl?” He whispers brushing away a few stray box braids covering your face. You don’t bother answering and instead offer him your palm and he takes it without hesitation interlocking your fingers with his. “Nervous?” He hums when he feels the steady trembling of your hand.

📕🖊 “Katsuki, what if there’s nothing wrong with me? What if it’s just me? What if I’m just...” you trail off not sure if you want him to hear how much this subject shakes your confidence. Bakugou moves close enough for your foreheads to touch. “If you’re just not smart? Not even possible. Whatever it is me and Kiri will help you go beyond. I know this is scary, but every first usually is.” Bakugou smiles softly

📕🖊 “Bbbbbuuut maybe I’m just du-” You attempt to argue until a sharp nip on the side of your neck where Kiri was peacefully nuzzled quiets you. “Nope. Not a chance. Pebble, don’t talk shit about my girlfriend again.” He mumbles in a gravelly half sleep voice. He settles again and snakes an arm around hips as he tugs Baku into you with the other. You open mouth your more to defend yourself but KatSuki just bops your nose as he closes his eyes, “You heard, the sexy ass red mountain. You’re fucking smart. Go back to sleep, Kay?”

📕🖊 “Kay.” You sigh digging your face into the crook of Baku’s neck. You lay there out argued but feeling overwhelming loved, so you chose to let them win the debate. The boys hardly agree on most things so they were totally probably right about this one anyways.

📕🖊 You are on a very very short list of people who Bakugou Katsuki repeats himself for. Like boy lets you “huh?” the fuck out of him. He will often cup your face or hold your hands if he needs tell you something important b/c he understands you’re a tactical learner

📕🖊 Best believe that all your future successes in classes big and small will be celebrated you getting taken out for icecream and if it’s a graded paper they’ll put on the fridge like you’re in grade school. You find it a little embarrassing but it really makes you feel like you’re making progress

📕🖊 Kiri brings your favorite snacks for study sessions so he can reward you for right answers and staying on task. You call it “childish” at first until he shrugs “Oh my bad we can try something els-” about to put them away. “Noooooo no those are my favorites.” You nearly jump over the table. Kiri has a shit eating grin the rest of the study session

📕🖊 When giving directions from the passenger seat both Kiri and Baku typically do a good job of remembering you need them to point left and right

📕🖊 If you’ve had long day in tutoring and homework and you guys are watching anime Bakugou will read the subs to you. Sometimes if he’s in a particularly good mood he might even imitate a voice or two

📕🖊 Kiri would politely let you ramble about one of your niche interests and will help you get back to your point when you get lost in a tangent

📕🖊 Don’t let these two hear you call yourself “dumb” or “stupid” Kiri will just act like he can’t comprehend what you’re saying like deadass “Pebs, speak English please. Nope not catching that, Babygirl. Did you say you were a smarticle particle? An intelligent ass motherfucker?! Oh, of course you are!” While Baku is more like “Sorry what was that? I thought I heard a very accomplished and creative thinking ass bitch say something? A incredibly capable ass bitch say something?A smart ass bitch say something?” Your only response is yes and then you get a forehead kiss

[writingtoforgetreality]

Gold Rush (Sebastian Stan x Reader)

[Actors-Masterlist]

Gold Rush [1] / You’re Not Sorry [2] / This Is Me Trying [3] / [4] (soon)

Summary: Your career was blossoming, especially with your new role in “The Falcon and the Winter Soldier”. Working on set was a dream come true. It was never your intention to fall for one of your coworkers. Not when you knew that he would never look at you that way.

Words: 2,637

Warnings: language, it’s Anthony Mackie’s world & we’re just living in it, angst, feeeeeels, maybe I cried, maybe I didn’t, we’ll never know, REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

Inspired by: “gold rush” by Taylor Swift

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

Gleaming, twinkling

Eyes like sinking ships on waters

So inviting, I almost jump in

You scored big time when you were casted in the upcoming Marvel series “The Falcon and the Winter Soldier”. Working alongside Anthony Mackie & Sebastian Stan had been more than you had ever wished for. The atmosphere on set was harmonious. Everything would have been fine if it were not for your stupid crush on your fellow castmate. Mackie picked up on the fact that you liked Sebastian almost immediately & he teased you about it one too many times. No matter how obvious his teasing, it seemed like Sebastian was completely oblivious to it. Or he acted as if he had no clue. You were not quite sure about that.

The press tour was going strong, which meant that Seb, Mackie & you were teamed up for every interview. Now, that was not something that bothered you too much. After all, you were more than comfortable around them. But when some interviewers did not know where the line was, you got frustrated. Like, okay, we got it. Everyone with eyes knew Seb was hot. But as an interviewer, you should know when to stop. Shamelessly flirting in front of the camera with basically a stranger? Sorry, but you had no explanation for such a behavior. Yes, some interviewers flirted with you, too. But you were great when it came to brushing them off while staying polite. Of course, Mackie’s teasing did not make this any easier for you. Every now & then, he would bring up the chemistry you & Seb shared on screen. And off screen. Like usual, you laughed at him & so did Seb. During interviews, you teased each other a lot, it was a playful manner you all enjoyed. And the audience loved the three of you for it.

Sometimes, when Seb answered a question that had him explain scenes with you or something similar, you hated the butterflies you felt inside. You hated how your cheeks warmed up. You hated that he had such an effect on you. You hated Seb. You hated him for being so perfect. You hated him for being a literal God. You hated him for ruining every other man for you. Because nobody could ever compare to him. And you said that even though you were not even in a relationship. Hell, you were not the only person who looked at him that way. If the interviews were not proof enough, a look at social media did the job, too.

But I don't like a gold rush, gold rush

I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush

I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch

Everybody wants you

Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you

Walk past, quick brush

I don't like slow motion double vision in rose blush

I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush

Everybody wants you

But I don't like a gold rush

“So (Y/N)…” the man sitting opposite of you started. It was not a lot of times that questions were directed at you. Usually, people were more excited to talk to the guys. No offense taken. “The chemistry between Sebastian & you can be felt even after such a short trailer. My question is…are you two, like, a thing?” of course. If you got a question, it was about your love life or about how great you looked in your suit. The others got complex & well thought through questions & you got this shit. Internally rolling your eyes, you stayed professional & answered casually.

“Sebby & I are friends. We work well together. We know each other well enough to communicate with our eyes, body language & so on. Some people mistake that for dating, apparently.” finishing off with a sarcastic chuckle, you had to hide the fact that you wished that there was more between you two.

“I gotta say. Even I think they’re dating sometimes.” Mackie smirked when he spoke up which earned him a light slap from you. Seb only hid his face behind his hand & laughed quietly. It was nothing new. You were used to his teasing by now. Looking over at Seb, you could not help but admire him. Even when he was embarrassed, to you, he was the most beautiful person on this planet. Not a single flaw. Just…perfect. If only you had enough courage to do something about your damn feelings.

What must it be like to grow up that beautiful?

With your hair falling into place like dominoes

I see me padding across your wooden floors

With my Eagles t-shirt hanging from the door

“Stop that.” Mackie walked over to where you were sitting. Finally, you had a break after hours of giving interview after interview. Looking up, your face turned into one of pure confusion.

“Stop what?” he exaggeratedly rolled his eyes at your question.

“The daydreaming.” it was a simple statement. But why would he tell you to stop that?

“What? Is it forbidden to daydream now?” chuckling at him, you offered him one of your coffee cups. Your handler brought you two because you had not slept much that night. But Mackie needed one just as much & he gladly accepted it. Still, he could tell that you were trying to change the topic. Not with him, though. Sitting beside you, he sighed loudly.

“Why don’t you just tell him?” he looked straight forward when he asked that question. Your face fell at his words but maybe, maybe, if you played dumb, you could get out of this conversation without any awkwardness.

“Tell who what?” your innocent eyes bore into his side profile & you saw him shaking his head slightly. A low chuckle escaped him.

“Tell Seb you like him or I will.” he stated & your eyes widened in fear.

“You wouldn’t dream of it.” exclaiming frantically, you grew more nervous at the thought.

“I wouldn’t trust that thought.” & after a few seconds of silence, you breathed out loudly.

“Yeah, sure. And I’d risk our friendship for that? Forget it.”

“He likes you, too, you know?” he casually stated. Your face changed, but only for a second. He was wrong. Someone like Seb could never like you back.

“Stop, Mackie. Don’t just run around assuming shit.” you pushed his shoulder playfully but it did not do too much. What a surprise.

“My running around assuming shit isn’t assuming. It’s facts. You guys are awful, by the way. It’s exhausting, watching you two trying to dodge your feelings. Why can’t you just, I don’t know, get everything sorted out & be happy together? If someone deserves that, it’s you.” yes, Mackie could be sarcastic but when push came to shove, he could be serious, too. And that last part, he meant by heart. Was it true? Did Seb like you? More than a friend? Maybe you should just tell him. Life was too short to be filled with what if’s. It was now or never, right?

At dinner parties, I call you out on your contrarian shit

And the coastal town we wandered 'round had never seen a love as pure as it

And then it fades into the gray of my day-old tea

'Cause it could never be

Wrapping up for today, the three of you decided to grab some take-out & eat it back inside your hotel. After quickly showering & dressing more comfortably, you made your way over to Seb’s room. Mackie was already there, he texted you at least ten times to hurry up because they were starving to death. Dramatic diva. Knocking softly, a smile spread across your face when Seb opened the door. Stepping aside to let you in, you greeted Mackie briefly. He was already eating so why the hell was he rushing you earlier? He could be such a child. Seb handed you your food & motioned for you to take a seat on the bed. Take-out in a hotel bed? It should be illegal. Usually, you were not one for eating in bed but whenever you where staying at a hotel, it became some sort of a routine for you. Same for the guys. For a while, the three of you just talked & ate your food. Conversation always flowed easily with them. You knew all of their secrets & they knew all of yours. Well, except for Seb having no clue about your silly crush on him. When he & Mackie discussed a topic you did not know too much about to actually engage in their conversation, you found yourself stealing glances at Seb. If it were not enough for him to be so gorgeous, of course he had the best personality to match that. God really took his time with him. And the weirdest thing of it all was that Seb never let that thought get the best of him. He was aware of people admiring him but that never changed him.

'Cause I don't like a gold rush, gold rush

I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush

I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch

Everybody wants you

Everybody wonders what it would be like to love you

Walk past, quick brush

I don't like slow motion double vision in rose blush

I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush

Everybody wants you

But I don't like a gold rush

Mackie got a phone call & said goodbye to you before leaving the room. Which meant that Seb & you were alone. It was nothing special, the two of you spent a lot of time together. This time, though, you wanted to confess to him. Finally, you wanted to tell him how you felt. Could you live with the rejection? Well, if things turned in that direction, you had no choice but to. Seb’s lips moved but no sound came out. You zoned out & simply stared at him. Your thoughts were running wild. The sun had already started setting & the golden light illuminated his features in such a beautiful way. It almost looked like a movie scene. He was the masterpiece others could not keep their eyes from. You were this close to speaking up, taking a deep breath for preparation. This could change your bond with him forever.

What must it be like to grow up that beautiful?

With your hair falling into place like dominoes

My mind turns your life into folklore

I can't dare to dream about you anymore

A phone ringing interrupted you. It was not yours. But Seb pulled his phone out of his pocket. The moment he saw the notification, he started smiling so brightly. The smile you had grown to love so much. It brought a grin to your face, too. The things this man could do to you, completely unaware of the effect he had on you.

“What?” you asked when he could not stop staring at his phone. Had Mackie sent him a message?

“Nothing, it’s just…” he stopped before saying too much but you were having none of it.

“Aw, come on, Sebby. You can tell me anything.” encouraging him, your hand found its way on his shoulder, squeezing lightly. Seb seemed almost shy right now. And this was weird because he usually was everything but shy when he talked to you.

“There’s this girl & she’s just…amazing.” your face fell the moment he started talking. No. “I asked her for dinner but when she hadn’t replied after hours, I started losing hope. She just messaged me back.” his smile was sheepish & you hated that you had to admit that he looked happy right now. Genuinely happy. But you were not the reason of his happiness. Another girl was.

“And? What did she say?” deep down, you knew the answer & you actually did not want him to say it out loud. But you were best friends, after all, it was kind of your duty.

“I got myself a date. I’m going on a date with her, (Y/N)!” he beamed & pulled you into a big hug. One, that made the butterflies act out. Fuck, that hurt.

“That’s great, Sebby. I’m happy for you! You deserve it.” your excitement for him was fake but the sincerity behind your last words were not. If one person on this planet deserved endless love & happiness, it was him. Mackie was wrong. Seb had never liked you. Not in that way, at least. And his date saved you from embarrassing yourself & ruining your friendship. That did not change the fact that you felt like crying right now. You could not shed tears in front of him, could not show how much it actually affected you. No. You had to fake a smile. And that shit hurt like a bitch.

At dinner parties I won't call you out on your contrarian shit

And the coastal town we never found will never see a love as pure as it

'Cause it fades into the gray of my day-old tea

'Cause it will never be

“Something’s wrong with you.” Mackie stated at breakfast. No shit, Sherlock.

“What makes you think that?” feigning innocence, you rolled your eyes when you saw the look he was giving you.

“Clearly, you’re upset. Did something happen after I left you with Seb yesterday?” he hit the nail on the head with his assumption.

“Yeah.” was all you answered. His eyebrows raised, he waited for you to continue. But when he noticed that you were not planning on engaging in any more conversation with him, he pressed further.

“Did you tell him? Did he mess up?” if Seb messed up, he would kill him. There was no other person who was better for him than you. The two of you deserved each other. And everyone seemed to realize that but you.

“I wanted to tell him.” admitting quietly.

“But?”

“He got a notification.” your short answers made Mackie freak out. He grew frustrated with you when you dragged out this entire conversation.

“(Y/N), come on.” he urged.

“Sebby has a date.”

“With you? But that’s great.” his smile was small but present. Did you finally realize that you were feeling so much more for each other?

“With another girl.” then you looked up at his face, your eyes glossy. Clearly, you were trying to keep it together but he could tell that you had a hard time doing so. Yes, Mackie would kill Seb. He could have sworn that Seb only had eyes for you. The stolen glances, the efforts to make time to spend more with you. What the fuck was going on? When he saw your first tear falling, he wasted no time in pulling you in for a hug. You were broken, all because of one man. But the thing was that he was not just any man. He was Seb. Your best friend. Your everything. But he would never be yours. Not in a million years. Because he only saw you as a friend. Nothing more, nothing less.

It was not like you did not have options. Hell, you declined so many people over the time. All because of him. And you were afraid that this would not change anytime soon. Because you did not think you would ever get over him. Your heart was ripped into a million pieces & the only person who could help you fix it was getting excited over his upcoming date. Whatever you thought could be between you guys, it was nothing but a dream. Something that could never be.

Gleaming, twinkling

Eyes like sinking ships on waters

So inviting, I almost jump in

Gold Rush [1] / You’re Not Sorry [2] / This Is Me Trying [3] / [4] (soon)

Published (04/22/2021) by Cathy

Tags: @buckysleftarm420 (thanks for your support <3)

[beyondspaceandstars]

Coffee & Meetings

Relationship: Dark!Bucky Barnes x Innocent!Reader Warnings: stalking, drugging TW, manipulation, Summary: Prequel to Pastries & Memories - Bucky sees you day after day at a bakery and decides you’re just perfect for him. All from Bucky’s POV. A/N: someone suggested this on ao3 and i really liked that idea so I hope i did it well! I am thinking about expanding this to a bit of a mini-series... :)

Masterlist

Six months earlier…

He first saw you on a Monday. A bright, sunny, lovely Monday morning. He hadn’t even been looking for you — hell, he hadn’t really been looking for anyone.

Bucky was planted at a little table in the corner of a coffee shop, sipping on a dark roast, watching people come and go on the sidewalk. It had become his new morning routine, an interesting yet annoying suggestion from his therapist. She had become concerned he was too into his previous routine. She wanted him to step out of it for a bit, expand horizons, maybe even find a hobby. The craziest thing he had done yet was this — drinking overpriced coffee at a local shop.

He had to admit, it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. Sometimes he looked forward to this new start to his day. Everyone at the shop was always nice to him, amazingly. They didn’t mind him dilly-dallying, nursing his coffee, as he people watched. They even had a bakery attached which was part of the attraction to the place for Bucky. He had smelled their pastries one morning and was hooked.

As Bucky sat watching the people, he was contemplating getting an almond croissant to go when something caught his attention. From the corner of his eye, like a little flash, he had seen someone that made him perk up.

It was her. It was you. You were standing in front of the bakery entrance debating on going in. You looked between the coffee and the bakery sign. You checked your phone then you walked in. Bucky watched as you entered the bakery, your face bright with the kindest smile he had ever seen as you greeted the cashier. He didn’t have to hear your voice to know it was contagiously joyous.

You were like a little tease standing around all those baked goods, flicking your hair over your shoulder as you pointed at which donut you wanted. Bucky suddenly felt hungry for something else. Especially when you bent over to point at the strawberry glaze on the bottom row.

But then you were gone as fast as you had come. He watched you from the window as you got back on the path to wherever you were headed, he guessed your job. Your hair blew in the wind. Your skirt bounced as you walked proudly, your hand grasping the box of donuts tightly.

Oh, yeah, Bucky thought, this new routine was definitely what he needed.

***

You quickly became the most exciting part of Bucky’s day.

With his cup of coffee and hawk-like gaze, he’d sit at the little coffee shop table, watching the world outside the window. You’d come strolling by fairly early, looking so classy and professional. He figured you worked in an office which seemed very unnecessary for a girl like you. You didn’t need to work, he decided. You were too beautiful, clearly too bright, for that.

But you never seemed to recognize this yourself since you were constantly strutting past in your blouse and skirt, stopping in every day to collect some new pastry for your coworkers.

The way you talked to the bakery staff was what really won Bucky over. You were so gentle and patient when the kid behind the counter fumbled with the boxes or accidentally grabbed the wrong item. You’d still shoot them your lovely smile and make light conversation as they rang you up.

You were too generous, especially noted by the strawberry cake you had purchased one more for your work. Whoever was on the other end of your kindness better appreciate it, Bucky thought. He also didn’t miss your obvious love for strawberries.

Bucky watched you for a while, almost for two whole months, in that coffee shop seat drinking in every inch of you. The baristas didn’t seem to mind his lingering. He always made sure to order two cups as some sort of compensation for letting him sit there and watch his girl. Yes — his girl, that was what he had marked you as in his mind. You hadn’t noticed him yet but Bucky wasn’t sweating it. All in due time, he silently promised you.

It took Bucky a few days to gather what was needed. You still weren’t noticing him but he was way past being bothered by that. He had been screwed by life enough to know that sometimes you just have to take what you want. Sitting around waiting and hoping was for men who had patience. He was over it. Little worked out for him so now he had to make it work.

The morning of the commencement of the plan, Bucky stood in his kitchen double-checking the items needed. Content with it, he carefully drew up the correct amount of light sedation into the syringe. It wasn’t anything crazy and apparently affected the mind first, body second. You’d be on autopilot for a bit, walking more like someone who was just having a rough day. But that wouldn’t be an issue because Bucky would be there. He’d be able to escort you to his apartment, simply appearing as the concerned, protective boyfriend among the sidewalk pedestrians. He got a bit giddy just thinking about it.

Moments after you were properly sedated, he’d need to administer you another drug in a timely manner. This one would be focused on memory loss. He’d discovered it on some corner of the black market while originally on the look for types of sedation. Apparently, this drug was part of some sort of failed spy mission in Europe. The seller swore it boasted good results, citing studies conducted. Bucky looked into it and agreed. After some clumsy navigation in the world of online shopping, it was his within a few days. The concoction seemed like it would do that job.

The goal was to pretty much scramble your brain just a little bit. Nothing crazy like making you totally forget key components of yourself but still hit a point where you didn’t have enough to fight Bucky’s word on, well, anything. This drug wore off, though, so he would have to come up with ways to get it in your system over the course of your relationship. It was still worth it to him. He wasn’t stripping you off your personality, just some little details here and there. You’d still be his shining girl, just only now focused on him.

The final items laid out were various feet of rope. Bucky was being overly cautious with this. He didn’t know if anything actually was going to work. What if you woke up and realized you weren’t in your apartment? That you were being watched over by a stranger? You were bound to panic but he understood that. If need be, he could restrain you while he figured out the right way to go about it all. It would never be to hurt you, of course — in fact, he felt it was more for your safety than anything.

After another run of the mental checklist, Bucky gathered the syringe and headed out to the coffee shop. The idea was fairly simple. After you came in for a box of pastries, he’d head out behind you, try to chat you up a bit. He had some old moves he could flex. Once you got comfortable enough, he’d make the move and then lights out. By the end of that day, you’d be making yourself comfortable in his apartment.

Bucky practically fawned over the idea as he walked. He had taken some steps earlier in the week to add some things for you in the apartment like ladies’ toiletries and new outfits. He had even finally purchased a real couch. All for you, so you could have a home. A real home. With him.

Bucky was still lost in his daydream as he sat in the coffee shop, looking between the clock and the window. He waited and waited and waited. The syringe growing heavier and heavier in his pocket as the seconds went by.

The clock struck a new hour. Something Bucky never planned for was unfolding: it didn’t look like you were coming today. He almost about lost it there. Almost went into the streets stomping away in anger. Everything was perfect, how could you just be the only missing piece? Did something happen? Were you okay? Gosh, he should’ve got to you sooner—

Your hair suddenly came into view. You were walking furiously, just glancing at the bakery this time before deciding not to go in. You looked anxious which certainly wasn’t like you. He wanted to crush whatever was making you feel such a way. But Bucky had to snap his thoughts back. You weren’t coming into the bakery. He wouldn’t be able to follow you out, to casually build-up to this moment. His heart was pounding. He panicked.

In a moment of stupid impulsivity, Bucky quickly left the coffee shop and began racing to catch up to you. He took long strides, quite amazed by how fast you walked in those heels, but it didn’t take him very long to now be right on your tail. Few more steps and he was able to pop up right in front of you. You jumped at his sudden presence. Bucky smiled, finding you so amusing.

"Sorry to bother you, ma’am, but I think you dropped something." He lied through his teeth so gloriously, way too easily. It was just the right comment to get you to stop in your tracks but didn’t completely scare you off.

Your brows furrowed, adorably confused. You looked down, searching for whatever it could be. "I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t think I did."

Sir. The word stuck with him a bit. Maybe after some coaxing, you could always be calling him that. Bucky didn’t have much time to think about this, though, as you began to step around him. You had taken his moment of silence as a way to evade him. Smart, but frustrating. A mix of annoyance and anger shot through him. He grabbed your arm and pulled you into him quickly. You let out a yelp in surprise. He ignored it and before you could ask any questions, the syringe was plunged into your neck. To outsiders, it looked like a couple in some weird embrace, but to Bucky, it was just the beginning of something beautiful.

He got you back to his apartment fairly easily after that. You were eventually out cold and the next step of the process could begin. He was pretty much banking on the memory loss solution. Not a very religious man, Bucky still said a silent prayer as he administered it.

He took a step back from his bed, watching you look so at home knocked out on it. It was a wonderful sight, one he was saving in the back of his mind, even though he’d now see it every single day. Feeling quite content with how smoothly that all had gone, he had nothing to do now but wait for you to wake up.

Bucky took this free time as a chance to begin cutting off connections you had. Thankfully, your bag held your laptop along with other necessities like your phone and wallet. He was pretty thankful he wouldn’t have to try to get into your work to grab your devices. That would rely too heavily on whether or not you overshared. No one would believe he was the concerned boyfriend if just last week you ranted about how single you were.

Sliding onto a stool at his kitchen counter, Bucky set up your laptop. The first thing he noticed was your lack of password. You were too trustful, too good, and that was only example A. Bucky suddenly felt so relieved he had you in the safety of his apartment. There were lunatics out there.

Bucky navigated your laptop fairly easily. While he was pretty new to the technology scene, he could at least find the basics and you weren’t exactly running some government-level device. With a few simple taps and clicks, he was writing out messages to your boss and family.

He put in your letter of resignation, something short and vague, to your boss at the public relations firm you were an assistant at. Lower level work, not even anywhere near the big dogs. No wonder you constantly brought in treats for everyone. You were hoping your kindness would get you ahead. Bucky shook his head at your naivety.

A simple Google search showed him you were not the only assistant to the head of the firm. You probably wouldn’t be missed. The pastries, maybe, but you? An assistant? Someone would take your place within the week. Bucky was turning out much better for you than he had realized. He mentally patted himself on the back as he moved onto looking into your family.

Scrolling through your email contacts, it appeared you only had a sister for immediate family. No mentions of parents and… sure enough, another search brought up an obituary for your mother. No mention of a father. Even better, he thought. You needed that strong, guiding force.

A few scrolls through your current email thread with your sister and Bucky found out she was studying abroad. Could this all get any better? Nothing was in the immediate area of a threat. He responded back to the last email your sister had sent. Copying your language the best he could, he dropped some hints that you wanted a vacation. In just a few more exchanges he could drop the news that you were off in paradise. Correspondence could easily fizzle out and your sister would be too caught up in her European dream to notice an absence.

If this ever called for any more attention, Bucky figured he could easily invite her over. It’d take some training but you’d eventually remember your sister — or, what Bucky would plant in your head about her — then you’d happily host a dinner. Introduce your two favorite people to one another. He bought himself enough time to spend with you.

Of course, Bucky realized he got very lucky with you. He had done some minimal research beforehand but everything had been behind sign-in walls. He didn’t know if he was really ready to break into social media and instead decided to risk it. If all had gone to shit, like you having a real big, caring family or a prestigious job, there wasn’t anything a little talking couldn’t fix.

But Bucky had also kind of already knew you as he watched you day in and day out. He had felt that dire need to be comforted, to be loved, to be cared for, to be protected behind those cheery smiles and generous small talk. You always tried too hard as if you needed everyone in the world to love you, to praise you. That wasn’t it at all. You just needed him. And he needed you.

Lost in his dreamy thoughts, Bucky nearly jumped out of his skin (leave it to you to be the first person to actually scared him) when your soft voice called from the bedroom doorway.

"Excuse me," You said, nervously fidgeting as you slowly walked from the hall into the kitchen. "W-What’s going on?"

Bucky shut your laptop quickly and hopped down from the stool. He gave you a warm smile which you seemed to try to return. So obedient and caring already and you didn’t even know why — yet.

"Hey, doll," he said, keeping his voice steady and gentle. "You okay? You laid down for a nap earlier. I was worried you were getting sick." He placed a hand on your forehead pretending to check your temperature. Thankfully, you allowed it. After a moment, he pulled his hand away with a curious hum.

You frowned, obviously confused, much more than you were earlier. You looked totally clueless at the situation. It was the best reaction Bucky could’ve ever hoped for.

You glanced around the living space. "I- Yeah, I think I’m alright… I’m sorry, I can’t seem to remember much. Who are you?"

Bucky chuckled, "I’m your boyfriend. Bucky. And this is our apartment. You remember, don’t you, honey? Maybe you’re just still a bit sleepy."

He watched as you blinked a few times, probably wrestling with whether to admit you really didn’t remember anything or to go with the lie. If you were a good girl, like he predicted, you’d settle with the lie.

"Oh." You bit your lip and eventually nodded. Jackpot. "Of course. Again, I’m sorry. I must’ve been really tired." You glanced over at the clock. It read just before noon. "I’m a bit hungry. Would you like anything, B-Bucky?"

He smiled. "A sandwich would be great, doll."

You nodded once in acknowledgment then began hunting for everything you needed in the kitchen. You looked a bit confused at first but slowly Bucky saw you get the hang of it. He took his place at the kitchen counter again, sliding the laptop out of your sight.

He sat there waiting and observing as his new girl began making him lunch. It was a sight he had dreamed of, but Bucky also knew this was too perfect too soon. You were bound to stumble within time but that was okay. He would have to fine-tune the details later but he was already complying some ideas on how to shape you into who you were destined to be.

Yes, he had a long way to go, but it would all be worth it if he got to come home to you standing in his kitchen whipping up a special treat like the sweetest housewife to ever exist. Because that certainly would be the next step down the line — making you his darling wife.