#I have no idea how to actually use tags so I'm trying everything in case people are trying to block everything cw related

[m4iya]

⋆⭒˚.⋆𝜗𝜚 Order up! Matcha green tea, 100% sugar, 100% ice with black pearls and coconut jelly for @frosted-flakes!

Collab? Kenma Kozume (fluff, post high school, mutual pining + forced proximity)

Your phone had been blowing up with notifications all day since last nights stream. Who knew your viewers would get so heated over a couple jokes? Heck, was it even your viewers? It seemed more like the ones that were freaking out weren’t actually watching for the full context.

Well, that’s what you said every time. It kept them watching, right?

Though, being tagged in rants and comments wasn’t the only thing happening this time. You were receiving an absurd amount of messages from viewers as per usual, but also from other streamers and influencers. The most common words present within all of them being:

“Guess who mentioned you in their stream last night!”

This time, it felt a little different from other controversies you’d been wrapped up in, so you couldn’t help wonder who this mystery person was, and what you had done to earn yourself a mention.

One scroll on your timeline told you just about everything you needed to know. A post sat at the top of your feed; a video captioned “@/mc of all people?’

Clicking on it, a clip of someone’s stream began to play; a QnA of sorts.

“Kodzuken, will we be getting a collab with anyone soon? Can you drop any names?” The streamer read aloud before pausing to think.

“Hmm.. there’s a few things in the works, but I don’t know for sure when they’ll be out.” He replied, absentmindedly flicking through the questions on another monitor.

He paused for a few seconds before continuing to speak. “I’m not the best at reaching out to people, but I’d like to see what kind of content I could make with @/mc. She’s pretty funny.”

Proceeding to continue with other questions, he completely ignored the way the comments blew up at him.

Out of every streamer you knew, he had to be the absolute last person you’d have expected to even have any idea of who you were. You'd been watching his content for a while, having seen him at influencer events and such. Though, you'd never been able to approach him at any of them, often using 'I was talking to my viewers, that's why I couldn't approach him' as an excuse to yourself.

Even though it wasn't exactly your objective as an online personality, you figured that controversies and out of pocket statements would be one way to get his peoples attention. It wasn't like you were exaggerating your personality per se, you were always pretty outspoken, so the only extra steps would be recording or streaming your antics.

Even though it looked like it worked, you had no clue where to go from here. Would you send him an email? Or a message? And what would you even collaborate on? What would happen to his view count if he did make content with you?

You tapped onto his profile on Twitter, scrolling through his recent posts as you wondered what to do. Suddenly, a notification popped up on the top of your screen: A message request.. From him!

Kodzuken hey, this is @/mc, right?

You had a pretty large following, and he had mentioned your name in his stream. Staring at the message for a few seconds, you wondered if he was trying to be funny.

MC u really aren't the best at reaching out to people lol and yeah thats me

Your messages maintained an air of nonchalance, hiding the way your eyes were peeled—waiting for his next response, your heart thumping loud enough for it to reverberate through your ears.

Kodzuken thats a little mean anyways i'm assuming you saw my stream in that case so how does a collab sound?

MC I'm not too busy tbh I should be free next week. u sure u wanna collab with me? ur viewers will probably freak out over it

Kodzuken my channel not theirs 🙄 what do you wanna do for the stream?

MC something simple maybe some type of challenge? are u free to call so we can set it up?

Kodzuken give me a sec ill call you

Your hands shook in place, palms sweaty as you waited for him to call you first.

When your phone eventually rang, you let it sound for a few seconds, clearing your throat. Answering the call, you held the phone up to your ear.

"Hello?" He spoke first, his voice being exactly how it sounded on stream.

"Hey!" You internally sobbed over how that might've sounded.

And so the conversation began to flow, the two of you brainstorming ideas and details about the collab. It would be held on his channel, with you editing the stream into a video for your own channel. Before the two of you hung up, he asked for your number so he could send over his address. You wondered why he couldn't just send it over DMs, but your heart was already racing too fast for you to even bother asking.

You got to work immediately, organising your schedule and allocating time to buy the things you needed. He said he had most of the basic things already, but to make things funnier, you suggested a couple ingredients that you'd buy yourself. The idea was to hold a cake baking challenge with odd ingredients. Without telling each other what flavours you were using, you needed to decorate as nicely as you could, and you'd taste each other’s dessert at the end. One of you will guess incorrectly, and the penalty will be to post something on the other's social media account after the stream.

You both agreed not to do anything rash, but also not to plan or rehearse the ending too much. It had a mix of the chaos that was usually in your content, and the viewer interaction that he'd implement in his own. Preparing things behind the scenes, you both kept each other updated until the day arrived, and you nervously made your way to his place.

Standing in front of his home, you took a deep breath before knocking on the door. You heard the shuffling of slippers from the other side, stopping abruptly at the front door.

"Who is it..?" A voice groaned from the other side.

"Um.. me?" You nervously answered.

A faint gasp sounded from the other side before a flurry of steps took off, leaving you wondering what just happened. Could it be that he forgot that you were coming over today?

He returned around a minute later, opening the door immediately. You noted how crinkled his clothes looked, his voice as though he'd just woken up. The skin of his face was dewy—freshly splashed with water, the evidence visible on the hoodie he wore. It wasn't the one he usually had on in his streams.

"Sorry about that." He muttered, attempting a chuckle. His laughter definitely didn't come off as nonchalant, not with his eyes looking everywhere but at you.

Though, you definitely weren’t feeling too confident yourself. Your hands were clammy as you bent over to pick up the bags that you brought with you which contained the things you'd both be using in the stream.

"I'll help." He quickly offered, taking the things in his own hands with a faint smile tugging at his lips.

Butterflies. Your stomach churned in a way that it hadn't done since high school.

Following him inside, you realised how big his home was, surprised that he seemed to live alone. As you walked to his kitchen, he gave you a haphazard tour, which was limited to the rooms you both passed. He steered you away from the direction of his own room, telling you that it was 'just a little messy right now.' Looks like he really was asleep.

Once you reached the kitchen, it surprised you to see his camera and tripod already prepared. He placed the bags down on the counter, walking towards his setup.

"Should I set up my stuff as well?" You asked as you pulled it out of one of the bags, having brought it just in case.

"It's fine, I'll send you the footage." He replied.

With that, you prepared the materials you'd both be using. He provided the bowls, spoons and mixing tools. You handed him an apron and wore your own, giggling at how he struggled to wear it despite it being so simple. You offered to tie it for him and he did the same, even though you were more than able to do so yourself. You lifted your arms as he took the fabric around your waist to tie it, gently weaving one piece over the other.

"Is that too tight?" He asked. "Want me to loosen it?"

"Yeah, just a little."

You could feel your heart beating in your ears as he spoke from behind, helping you with this short, mundane task. Things were all over the place today, and you weren't sure how you'd get yourself under control.

The two of you went through a few more things, and soon began the stream. You greeted the viewers, and introduced yourself to those who didn’t know you.

And so the stream went on, unfolding much more differently than you had initially expected. It seemed that the people who were criticising you had either stuck around to see what would happen, or had simply left.

You cracked jokes with each other while mixing your ingredients, using the mystery flavours that you had poured into separate bottles last night—so tired that you could barely remember what was in them.

At the end, you both decorated the cakes together in an attempt to make them as appealing as they could be. Yours was coated in red frosting, and you used white buttercream in a thin piping tip to write out his name in cursive on the surface of the cake. His was haphazardly covered in pink frosting, purple polka dots shaped from fondant scattered over the surface and the sides. He had decorated the edges with sugar pearls and rainbow sprinkles, running out of time before being able to write your name on it.

Cutting each other a slice, you both took turns tasting it. You could barely contain your laughter as he cut into his—the centre was so moist that the knife he used was coated in batter as he removed it from the cake. You opted to eat a piece of the edges instead.

Exaggerating your reaction, you coughed, walking off camera to grab a drink of water. The ingredient he had used was chilli, and it wasn't settling well with you at all. His laughter echoed through the room as you drank from the cup of water; probably because of the slightly exaggerated reaction that you had rehearsed with him before the stream in the case that he happened to choose something spicy.

As he took a bite of your slice of cake after you had returned to the stream, his face contorted; confusion? He chewed once, then paused, scrunched his eyebrows, and continued chewing.

"Is that—" He coughed. "Is that coffee?"

You could barely contain your laughter at his reaction. Well, he wasn't completely off. It was coffee, alongside a couple different spices such as cinnamon, nutmeg, and.. well, you lost count after the first two.

"Not exactly! Wanna try again?"

He held his nose bridge, 'deep in thought'. You both knew that one of you needed to get it wrong to go through with the penalty. A few obviously wrong guesses later, it was decided that he'd be the loser. After talking to the chat a little, answering some questions and interacting, it was revealed to them that you'd soon upload a video on your channel, which would contain extra content, and that the penalty post would also be up on his account. With that, he concluded the stream, slouching over the table with a sigh as you took a seat on one of the tall stools, picking at the cake he had made.

"At least the frosting tastes good." You laughed, taking a spoon of it.

"Yours wasn't actually too bad," He muttered. "Just.. very flavourful."

The situation suddenly set in; it was now nighttime, and your belongings were scattered everywhere. How were you supposed to just pack up and leave? That same feeling from earlier was now completely overwhelming you as you felt your face warm up. What exactly was going on? Keeping your eyes on the slice of cake, your face began to heat up. In your peripheral, you noticed his head turn.

"You okay?"

“Just a little tired,” You smiled, avoiding his gaze. “I should probably get leaving soon." Reaching behind your back, you fiddled with the knot in an attempt to untie it. The quicker you could pack up, the quicker you'd be out of this mess.

Though, even the apron wouldn’t budge at all no matter how hard you tried to undo it.

"Did you superglue this or something?” You chuckled, exasperated. “It’s so tight!”

"Oh,” His head perked up. “I loosened the first tie, but I double knotted it just in case." He stepped towards you, offering to fix it yet again.

"All done." His hands reached over to the collar, lifting it over your head to which you pulled it down, folding the apron in your lap.

"Guess I'll do yours as well?"

You stood from the chair as he turned his back to face you. This was definitely something he could've done himself. Though as you fiddled with the fabric—in the deafening silence of the room, the way his breath suddenly hitched became overly apparent.

At this point you honestly couldn’t tell whether it was yours or his who’s breathing you were hearing. Your eyes scattered as undoing the fabric of the apron was the last thing you were thinking about right now. It was a little late to be realising this, but he was much taller up close than he seemed online, and given the way the apron wrapped snugly around his body—he was also a little thinner than you imagined. Not to mention the stray hairs at the nape of his neck that had escaped from the bun he’d made.

“..Are you done?”

Shoot. Who knew how long you were standing there with your gaze scattering everywhere? You quickly untied the knot with a single swipe, and he lifted the collar over his head, handing it to you. As you reached out to take it, you noticed how tightly he held it, seemingly not wanting to let go. It did seem a little out character for him to be so forward—having been the one that initially reached out to you first, inviting you over and being completely unlike how you initially perceived him. Not that you had thought he was mean, he just didn’t seem like the type to be so outgoing.

Or maybe it was motivated by something. Maybe the small patches of plush pink painting his cheeks, the way his lips were slightly parted so as to prepare himself to speak, his gaze focused on you for the first time today—maybe things were a little different for him as well. You for one knew yourself, being well aware of what you’d been going through today.

“..Do you have something to say?” You prodded, teasing although your voice was small, shaky, and laced with nerves. You definitely weren’t in any place to be picking on him.

He cleared his throat, gaze leaving yours once more. “..Do you have plans tomorrow?” Your eyes fluttered to his slender hands, their grip loosening as he spoke.

“No,” You replied. “I had nothing planned for this week other than—well, this.” Taking the apron from his hands, you set it on the counter. His hand moved to brush a loose strand of hair out of his face, “Do you live far?”

“A little.” Your car was parked outside, but you weren’t the biggest fan of driving at night, and alone as well? Not happening—not unless it had to. “But I drove here, so i’ll just-”

“You can stay the night.” He interrupted.

“No, I can’t—really-“

“I have space for another person.”

“I don’t even have a change of clothes!”

“I have spares.”

You were surprised that he’d offer something like that, and double down on it as well. Well, his place was huge; but you didn’t i expect him to go around telling random people they can stay over. Especially when he’s only met them once. He was now stacking the dishes in the sink, yawning as he did so.

You couldn’t help tease again, stepping towards him. “So you actually want me to stay over?”

He clicked his tongue, turning on the water. “And if I do?”

That.. wasn’t what you expected to hear. You couldn’t see his face, but the redness glazing the tips of his ears told you that he’d probably been going through the same things as you all day. Well, it was more than just today for you; and you wondered the same for him.

extra:

“Hey, we forgot about the penalty!” You recalled, slipping into one of his spare hoodies.

He sighed, brushing a hand through his hair as he scrolled through his phone, opening the camera. “Sit over there.”

“Here?” You took the seat on a chair in front of his setup, crossing your legs. The two of you giggled as you set up the photo, with him directing you to wear his headphones.

You took the photo of yourself, throwing up a peace sign, and captioned the post ‘get used to this face, ur gonna be seeing it a lot more’.

Watching the replies immediately come rushing in, you laughed together. It definitely wouldn’t be the last time you’d both record something together.

from my 100 followers event ✩ other works

[dingodad]

tags from @atherissss on this post:

#the fact that all the quadrants have an explicit social purpose EXCEPT red romance has always been really interesting to me #people make up shit about quadrants because let's be honest 3 of them are clearly and transparently fake as fuck #the concept of any romance HAVING 'a purpose' would make a pretty interesting point about alternian culture if all four of them had one #but as of right now it just makes red romance obviously more 'real' than all of the others

flushed romance does have a clearly stated mechanical purpose though; "CHEMICAL REACTIONS TRIGGER MATING FOND[N]ESS". obviously that sounds on its own like the fatalistic wank of a grumpy teenager, but I'm coming to believe this is exactly the trick Homestuck is trying to play on the reader when it comes to the quadrants - because it's exactly the kind of trick it tries to play when it introduces the concept of moirallegience.

the examination of the pale quadrant opens with vague, idealised pleasantries - "the concept of a soul mate, but in a more platonic sense" - but then uses this cover to sneak in some really telling worldbuilding: "Some [trolls] are more hot-tempered and dangerous than others, to the extent that if left to their own devices, they would present a serious threat to society [...] Such trolls will have an instinctive pale attraction to a more even-tempered troll, who [...] is obliged to pacify the other".

matespritship is introduced in a way that is far more concise, but is all the more coy for it:

Matespritship is the closest parallel to the human concept of romance trolls have. It plays a role in the trolls' reproductive cycle, just as it does for humans. This is pretty obvious! Not much more needs to be said about this. Moving right along.

again, we get a brief, simplistic summary, followed by specific details on the significance of the quadrant in troll society - though in this case they come in the form of stated similarities to human romance rather than differences. and while it seems broadly true, in the most cursory possible sense, that romance "plays a role" in the human reproductive cycle, the text overtly brushes us along to the next page before we have a chance to really discuss or think about the nuances of such an assumption - even though, all of the comic's themes considered, the idea that romance between 13 year olds has anything to do with reproduction is exactly the kind of thing Homestuck invites you to question! the societal expectation of procreation (be that from Sburb or from Imperial Drones) is one of the central columns holding up Homestuck's plot, and the idea that Sburb seeks children "around the cusp of sexual maturity" is openly discussed. so it seems absurd that the text would really expect us to just take everything it says on this page at sheer face value.

I think the pairing the comic chooses to present as the ultimate example of matespritship demonstrates this perfectly: how "real" you choose to believe matespritship actually is depends entirely on just how "real" you think a romance between characters called "Mom" and "Dad" can really be. and the answer to this question, surely, is 'not that real'? these are two faceless, nameless - identityless - individuals who seem to have formed an immediate attachment to each other based purely on the fact that their assigned titles suggest a heterosexual, reproductive relationship. while our insight into the psychological profile of John's Dad is limited, Act 6 gives us quite a detailed look at a Roxy Lalonde who probably doesn't even like boys that much - she just really, really wants a baby. like the idea of Nepeta and Equius or Feferi and Eridan as perfect heteroplatonic/romantic soulmates, the comic's given exemplar of flushed romance is founded entirely on a form of patriarchal roleplay; and much like the idea that budding romance between children has anything to do with reproduction, this kind of suburban nuclear family roleplay is exactly the kind of thing Homestuck invites you to question rather than take for granted.

[bonkybuchananbarnes]

There She Goes (2)

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Bucky Barnes x AFAB!Reader

You're a bright superhero popstar, and he's a quiet, brooding ex-assassin who seeks redemption. The two of you are like sun and moon. When Bucky suddenly moves in with the Avengers, you stop at nothing, trying to become closer with him. What could possibly go wrong?

Au!Post Civil War where all the Avengers are alive. This story is a slow-burn romcom!

Title and story inspired by the song There She Goes by The La's

Series tags: sunshine x grumpy trope, strangers to friends to lovers, 2000s romcom vibes, crackfic, reader is a bold outgoing flirt and Bucky is a self reserved shy?man, fluff & crack fic, some angst, bucky is trying to heal and you try to help him, maybe future smut?

----------------------------------------------------------

chapter summary: You try to get to know the new kid on the block and notice that he has Steve's little brown notebook.

chapter warnings: none. although has a bit of angst!

A/N: i have SOOOO many ideas for this fic i'm actually excited for once lol

also, sam wilson is sooooo best friend coded but one of these days i'm going to make him an x reader fic. he's so underrated and needs more love.

Word count: 2k-ish?

Bucky frowned as his spoon of cereal lingered midway from his bowl and his mouth. His eyes bore into your figure as he watched you plop down on the dining table and sat across him. The books and papers that you once held on to scattered throughout the kitchen table. The brooding man watched as one of your pens that escaped your pencil case roll into his cereal bowl with a small ‘clink’.

‘Good morning Bucky!’ you greeted cheerily. With your elbows propped up on the kitchen table, you set your face between your two palms as you stared at him with a cheery expression. 

Was the sun rising even higher this morning or did the room suddenly get unbearably bright?

His left eye twitched.

Ignoring your greeting, Bucky shovelled the spoon of cereal into his mouth and returned his focus back to his breakfast bowl.

The cold demeanor didn’t phase you at all. You were determined to become Bucky Barnes' friend. He was tall and handsome. You just had to add him to your collection of himbos, which currently consisted of Thor, Steve and Sam.

Maybe Bruce Banner too on a good day.

‘Did you sleep well on your first night here?’

A long pause before he answered. ‘Not really.’

‘Hm. How do you like the Tower?’

‘It’s okay.’

‘You’re lying. You used to live in this super ugly and run down apartment in Bucharest. Trust me sweet stuff, Stevie showed me photos. Don’t pretend that you don’t enjoy this insane upgrade.’ you huffed as you crossed your arms.

Bucky’s eyes flickered up and squinted at you when you called him sweet stuff. The nickname didn’t sit right with him.

‘Don’t you ever stop talking? God, you’re worse than Sam.’ he groaned.

‘Why thank you! Always wanted to one up him in something.’

The man stared at you incredulously, annoyed and slightly impressed that everything he did did not phase you at all.

You leaned in closer. ‘Wow, Sammy was right. You do have a staring problem. Not that I mind though. You’re very handsome and your blue eyes are stunning.’ you blurted out suddenly.

The super soldier flinched back. He knew that you were straight forward, but this was just crazy for him. It was too much for him to bear.

You blinked at his sudden action. Then a laugh escaped your stomach. 

‘Alright, I know you’re from the 40s and during that era women were still prissy little dames, but there’s now way you can’t be foreign to an idea of straightforward women!’ you said between your fits of laughter.

Bucky warily watched you laugh as he began to eat again. He needed to finish his bowl of cereal. He had to get to his therapy session with Dr. Raynor. Not that he wanted to go anyways, he had to because of his pardon. 

It was going to be a loooong day for him.

Once you calmed down from your laughing fit, your eyes made their way towards a small brown notebook resting next to Bucky’s bowl of Lucky Charms.

‘Hey, isn’t that Stevies? Why do you have it?’ you inquired, pointing to the book.

Bucky made a ‘hm?’ noise as his eyes followed to where you were pointing at.

You found that particular action of his cute.

‘He gave it to me. No longer has a use for it, scratched out all the things he did on the list.’ he answered.

Your mouth made an ‘o’ shape in response. But before he could blink, your hands snatched the book from his side.

‘Hey!’ he yelped as he hopelessly tried to snag the book back. 

‘Nice try Buckaroos, but they call me Sunshine for a reason!’ you gleefully said.

‘Don’t call me that.’

Ignoring his last sentence, you opened the notebook. The pages were slightly yellowed and crumpled on the edges, meaning it was well used. Your fingertips skimmed through the small pages until you landed on the list. Scanning down the written words, your eyes stopped at something you knew Sam brought up.

‘Ah, of course. The Troubleman by Marvin Gaye. Tsk tsk, Sammy, your taste could be better.’ you tutted, shaking your head at the same time. ‘Bucko, have you listened to the Troubleman yet?’

‘I like 40s music.’ he responded.

‘I get it, Bing Crosby is the goat. But let me do you one better; Stevie Wonder - Songs In The Key Of Life. You won’t regret it.’ 

Bucky regretted looking up at you. Your chest was puffed up like a bird trying to attract a mate. You looked really proud at your suggestion.

It was so stupid it almost made him laugh. Keyword; almost.

‘Sunshine, are you downplaying Marvin Gaye right now?’ Sam called out as he shuffled next to you. In his hands were two iced lattes, one which he gracefully slid over in front of you.

A small smirk danced on your lips as you dramatically clutched your chest, letting out the fakest gasp Bucky has ever heard. 

‘You wound me! Why would I ever downplay Marvin Gaye? He made Ain’t No Mountain High Enough, which is a brilliant song by the way.’ 

‘That song wasn’t even on the Troubleman album!’ Sam exasperated as he threw up his hands in the air in frustration. 

Bucky watched as you and Sam bickered about who the superior artist was; Stevie Wonder or Marvin Gaye. He wanted to slip away quietly and leave, but strangely he kept his place and sat through the whole debacle. 

Maybe it was because he secretly found the two of you amusing. But he would never admit that. 

‘Of course I would know better! I'm a singer after all!’ you scoffed, throwing a diva fit towards Sam.

Now that interested Bucky. 

‘You’re a singer?’ he piqued up slowly.

A sudden silence suddenly filled the dining area as you and Sam slowly turned away from each other and faced the super soldier. A bright smile replaced your scowl as Bucky’s sudden interest in your career made you ecstatic. 

‘Why yes I am! Do you want to see one of my music videos? Hold on, let me put on Spotify for you and show you my newest hit!’ you excitedly proposed to him. 

‘Hold on, run that back. Bucky, you're asking questions about people? Sweet Jesus this is an amazing development!’ Sam praised. 

James Barnes regretted opening his inquisitive mouth. 

‘Nevermind, forget what I said.’ he sighed. 

Bucky tried to get up from his chair and move somewhere else so he could eat his Lucky Charms in peace, but your flailing hands got in the way as you ran to his side (how did you get there so fast?)

‘Come on Buck! Don't leave yet! You asked if I sang, so I gotta show you that I do sing!’ you pleaded. 

‘Listen (Y/n), don't call me Buck. Only Steve can call me that. Also, I need to leave, I'm going to be late with my appointment with Dr. Raynor.’ 

His strong arm gently moved you out of his way as he quickly turned the corner to the bedroom area. The two of you simply watched as he disappeared down the hall.

You left a small sigh of defeat. So much for making an acquaintance.

Sam gave you a sympathetic look. ‘Listen Sunshine, I know you’re ecstatic about another hot man living here but you gotta give him some space. He's been through a lot.’

‘And you think I haven't?’ you snapped back. ‘Sam, it may look like fun and games but believe me, I know what it's like to be alone. And I don't want him to be alone.’ you quietly finished. Your fingers timidly grazed your left arm as a pathetic attempt to soothe yourself.

He softened his gaze with your confession. ‘Look at you, so empathetic and understanding. Is that why you were so adamant on befriending Thor as well?’ 

A teasing look suddenly appeared on your features, replacing the once sad smile that once danced on your face. ‘Nah Sammy, I was just hellbent on seeing his big blond beautiful self everyday.’

An aggressive eye roll and a playful smirk was all you got in response from Sam. ‘Anywho, I see you got your papers scattered again. Writing a new song?’

Your fingers lightly tapped against the cool marble dining table. ‘To be honest with you, it's getting harder these days to write a good authentic original piece of music.’ you sadly confessed. 

‘Well, there’s nothing wrong with sampling a few hooks here or there you know.’ Sam piqued. 

‘Oh?’ you said, raising your eyebrows. ‘So I supposed I can sample some Marvin Gaye?’ 

You were met by a light push of Sam's shoulders against yours as he gave you a painful smile. ‘Now you're pushing your luck Sunshine. I don't give you permission to tarnish his work.’

‘You wound me, and here I thought you were my best friend!’ you mourned mockingly.

A light laugh passed his lips, with you following after. 

—------------

God he hated public transit. Everything was too loud. New York subways has to be one of the levels of hell that he was taught as a young boy, because that's how he felt right now sitting in the rickety old subway car on the way to Dr. Raynor's.

Hell. He was in hell. Like he already wasn't living in hell for the past 70 years. 

His eyes met with the homeless man sitting across from him. The old scrawny dude stared back at him, unblinkingly with eyes that looked like they were popping out of their sockets. Bucky felt like there were holes being burned into his eyes.  

Maybe he did have a staring problem. 

A sigh left his lips. Breaking away from the homeless man’s burning gaze, Bucky hung his head low as he rummaged his metal fingers through his brown mop of hair. He just wanted to live in peace, after continuously fighting for almost a century without a break. Steve’s proposition for him to live at the Avengers tower didn’t exactly warrant the peace he wanted. But even if he didn’t want to admit it, he needed to stop pushing people away.

The rest of the ride was a blur and before he knew it, he found himself on that uncomfortable couch in the office room, facing the empty chair in front of it. Dr. Raynor was yet to arrive, so he sat in silence waiting for her.

The quiet tick of the moving clock was the only thing Bucky heard, until his super hearing picked up a song being played by the radio in the reception area. It was very faint, but he could hear it clear as day; it was your voice singing.

A fraction of an inch of his eyes widened as he carefully listened. Your singing voice was not what he expected. While he was introduced to your boisterous and outgoing talking voice, it contrasted to what he was hearing right now. A beautiful melody ripped through your throat as you sang with passion, with a catchy tune accompanying you.

He would hate to admit it, but it wasn’t terrible.

Actually, he really enjoyed it.

He zoned out as he listened through the whole song, not noticing that the therapist walked and took her place on the seat in front of him.

‘-es Barnes? Are you ready to start?’ Dr. Raynor started.

Bucky snapped it out. It was almost like your voice called to him like a siren singing to a sailor.

He warily looked up at Dr. Raynor and let out a tired smile. ‘Sorry doc, was out of it for a second.’ 

She shot him an incredulous look before she started the session.

…

A half hour painfully passed by. The therapy session came to a close.

Dr. Raynor sighed. ‘James, you need to stop pushing people away. You only contact Steve, and you don’t even answer Sam’s texts. That is so sad.’

The super soldier clenched his jaw but said nothing. She was right. Steve was right. He was given a chance of redemption, something he felt he didn’t deserve. There were people who wanted to reach out to him. Steve, Sam, some others.

And you.

‘Yeah.’ he croaked. 

The doctor closed her notebook and got up to leave. ‘I’ll see you next week Bucky.’

A small click of a door is all he heard.

Walking out of the room and into the reception area, he slowly made his way towards the exit before he paused, then reached out of the pen sitting at the counter of the check in desk. Pulling out the brown notebook from his breast pocket, he flipped his fleshed fingers to a fresh page and began to scribble something down.

(Y/n). Sunshine.

Stevie Wonder -  Songs In The Key Of Life.

As quickly as he wrote, Bucky shut the notebook and shoved it back into his breast pocket of his leather jacket and walked out, with a new song of yours faintly playing in the reception area once more.

He would have to ask about your favourite song in that album when he got back to the Tower.

[somewhat-insane]

Kinda request? You can denial if you don't like.

Sun Wukong x Male!Reader

Just reader take control of everything and shower the king with love hc

Ooo~ Yes! I need more x Male!Reader things in the fandom. Unfortunately, I have no idea how to write gendered readers so I don't think there's actually any implication the reader is male but- just believe I had a Male!Reader in mind- (I hope I understood the request correctly-)

~Sun Wukong x Male!Reader ~

Tags: Ooc, fluff

!!Warnings!!: Wukong's my favorite character so I kinda lost control of this one a bit so just- manage your expectations, mentally ill monkey doesn't know how to be normal about emotions

Doesn't really know how to react at first when you scratch behind his ears and groom his fur and squish his cheeks

He's the monkey king after all! The Great Sage; Equal to heaven! He can't break just because someone treats him with "love" and "care" pfft... but also, don't stop

He's not used to people being so... forward with him in this way

Sure, he's used to MK's enthusiasm and even Mei's impulsive rage, but, aside from a hug here and there, he's not used to such blunt affection

Emotional rollercoaster

"Obviously you love me! I'm the monkey king! ... But also, why don't you hate me?"

He's pretty suspicious for a while but tries to hide it in front of the others

He'll drop passive-aggressive hints but won't be outwardly rude UNLESS you meet his energy in which case he will start being blunt and insult you to your face (though, at this point I'm like 90% sure he's trying to flirt but not even he knows. He just likes going back and forth with you; though he sometimes gets genuinely upset, especially if you mention his past or mental state. He'll sulk for a while but then he gets an idea for a good comeback and is back to his old self)

How and why you show him love will determine how quickly he gets vulnerable with you

If you're gentle with him and just genuinely want to show him love and care, then I'd give him anywhere between a week and a month

One day you do one loving thing too many and he snaps

Literally

You're just letting him lay his head on your shoulder while you play with his hair and suddenly he's snarling and baring his teeth demanding that you tell him what you're planning

"You must be planning something! Otherwise, why would you be doing all this nice stuff and act so affectionate?"

After arguing with him and trying to calm him down, he starts crying and, congrats! Now you have to comfort a crying, immortal, murder monkey who is clinging to you like you'll disappear

After that, I wouldn't say he fully believes you--he'll always be subconsciously waiting for you to betray him--but he does start seeking you out and letting you love on him (and now he returns the affection!)

On the other hand, if you just show him affection to tease him, it could take years for him to fully trust you

Kind of an enemies-to-lovers type thing except the enemy part is kind of one-sided (unless it's not and you hate him and I have to ask, why do you hate him he is literally the best boi-... that may or may not be a murderer but that's unrelated -3-)

He'll lay awake at night replaying times you've made him blush and he'll just be cursing at himself for all the weird feelings you make him feel

He'll go from "knowing you're just teasing and teasing back" to "believing you're teasing and wishes you weren't" to finally "GOd DAMNIT JUST KISS ME ALREADY YOU HANDSOME IDIOT"

Once you get over the trust hurdle, he'll definitely take advantage

Clingy (he could only hold back his inner monkey for so long and now he has to be touching you in some way, shape, or form every second of the day)

The moment you sit down he is in your lap and begging you for affection

Whines... all the time

"Nooooooooo, don't get out of bed, you haven't given me enough pats yet."

Won't let you leave until you give him a bunch of kisses

Uh-oh. Now he's cocky and will show off

It takes a while, but eventually, you have a clingy monkey who melts at your touch.

~

I'm sorry this took so long- As I stated earlier, Wukong's my favorite and I just- I could talk about him forever-

[serensama]

A Word with Friends: Of Houses, Hearts and Hidden Things

Thank you for the amazing game @hedwigoprah and for the tags @woundedsoul12 and @jenn2d2 <3

Read on Ao3

Word count: 1.3k (yes, I realise this was not under 1k but god damn it, I was close. I'm counting it.) Warning: mention of underage sex in one line, no actual underage sex depicted in the work (or any of my work, ever, because no)- I'm just putting here as a warning, just in case

Rules: Use the challenge word to write a sentence or scene and then tag a few friends.

This week's word is:

Assiduously: Showing great care, attention, and effort : marked by careful unremitting attention or persistent application Constantly; ceaselessly.

The moment he returned to Treviso, he went straight to work. He broke into the archives room, carefully, so as not to alert anyone to his presence. He had spent hours searching for something —anything —just one piece of information he could use against Caterina, but as always, his grandmother had the upper hand. 

Illario assiduously rifled through every damned folder twice, forsaking sleep, his fingers nicked raw, running out of styptic tending to the tiny, insidious cuts. All he earned for his trouble was a bitter, reluctant respect. Caterina Dellamorte wasn’t just a living legend- she was death incarnate. Cold, exacting, and ruthlessly precise.

He almost kicked a box out of sheer frustration, but stopped himself. Noise would be his undoing. No one would believe he was just looking up his old work to petition the old woman to choose him as Talon. He had no partner with him to pretend they were hiding away to steal a moment’s passion. 

There was nothing. He had nothing. 

Page after page of flawlessly completed contracts, any one of which would have made even Lucanis raise an eyebrow in awe. One stood out in particular: she had taken out a father and son with such brutal efficiency that the ink had barely had time to dry on the contract before the job was done. The method was ruthless, too, so unlike the woman who always warned him that emotions were dangerous on missions unless honed into a weapon, sharpened to a point. What she had done to them… that was nothing short of undeserved viciousness. The contract hadn’t specified a method, so he couldn’t fault her, not technically.

He left the archives for their cursed monthly dinner with a heavy heart. 

He had promised Lilya he had everything under control, that she would come home, and everything would be fine. But if he did not find something soon, then he’d meet her in Antiva City, and they’d run, just like that fool Arainai. If one Crow could do it, then together, they would be just fine. 

Even without the Hero of Ferelden backing them, they had each other and… 

When had he become such a hopeless romantic? Stupid. Heedless. Hopeless romantic. 

---

The dinner was, predictably, horrible… as it always was. Lucanis’ conversation and playfully flirting with the serving staff were the only joys to be had. Everything tasted like ash and felt like he was swallowing sand, Caterina’s presence turning every word between them into a veiled threat. The idea of her cutting Lilya away from him ‘for his own good’ made him want to shatter every plate, tear down the curtains and bite through his own tongue… perhaps all three. How he managed to stay seated would be a mystery for the Maker to answer upon his death. 

Lucanis had wanted to stay back and catch up with his cousin, but Caterina had summoned him (and only him) to review more contracts in her personal study. 

“Stay a moment, hmm? Hopefully, my talk with Caterina will not take long. We can go to Cafe Pietra, and you can finally tell me why our grandmother is suddenly obsessed with the plants.” 

“Try to hurry. I have plans.” 

“Another girl? Over your dear cousin? I’m hurt. Shocked and hurt.” 

“I’ll believe the hurt part,” he smirked. “Have you ever known me to be without someone to warm my bed?” 

“Not since we were fourteen, and I walked in on you with the two new laundry maids.” 

“Lucanis!”

“Ah. Duty calls. I’ll meet you in the foyer, Cousin.” 

Left alone, Illario wandered through the adjoining rooms until his eyes settled on something he hadn’t thought of in years. He approached the old piano, letting his fingers drift over the polished but worn keys. His aunt, Lucanis’s mother, had played it every day, her music floating through the house to wake them from their siestas. He remembered her teaching them duets, one child on either side of her, all three of them laughing whenever a wrong note spoiled the melody. His aunt was a bright spark in their dark family. He understood why she was easily his grandmother’s favourite child, compared to his father, who was quiet, serious, and bookish; in contrast, his aunt had been warm, vibrant, and brilliant. 

“Would you care for another beverage, Master Illario?” Bernardo’s voice pulled him from his memories. “Master Lucanis has advised that he will be longer than anticipated, but still wants to speak to you.” 

“No, thank you, Bernardo. I am… Fine,” he sighed, pressing heavily onto the keys. The notes rang hollow, echoing the dread roiling in his chest, the doom he felt for already failing Lilya. The butler put down his tray and pretended to wipe at the nonexistent dust at the corner of the instrument. 

“Fear not, Master Illario; I am sure she is only angry because you were late. Her mood will pass in the morning… or… thereafter. You know your grandmother.”

“Yes. I do.” 

“One day, I believe your grandmother will remember what it was like to be young and impetuous. Even the young madam was late on occasion!” he chortled. But this was news to Illario. Caterina Dellamorte? Late? Perish the thought. He had never known his grandmother to be late for anything. Breakfast. Meetings. Training. Punishments. Everything was done in order. On time. Without fail. 

Illario nodded, his disbelief clear on his face. “Sure, Bernardo. And I am the King of Ferelden.” 

He chuckled and smiled conspiratorially at his young master. “Well, she didn’t make a habit of it. But there were times when she was younger that she, too, would be late for dinner. And once, even late to return from a contract!” 

He blinked, heart pounding hard in his chest. 

“Dinner? A contract? Surely you jest, Bernardo!” he laughed, careful not to show his alarm or change his posture too much, lest he alert the older man. 

“No, not at all. She’ll have forgotten it by now, of course. But once she came back from Rivain, almost a month late. Oh, the old First Talon was furious. But not so furious as to deny her the seat the following year.”

“I can never think of Caterina being so rebellious,” he grinned. Rivain? There were only six contracts she had with Rivain; he remembered them all after looking over them so closely. They all said she came back within the agreed-upon timeframe. A delay of over a month was no small matter, not if swiftness was paid for. Yes, she was gifted, but she would have been reprimanded, punished, not made Talon for it. “So she was younger than me when this happened? I can barely imagine her being young at all. Let alone fathom her being irresponsible,” he prodded, the sweet man not realising he was being manipulated. 

“Hardly irresponsible, Master Illario. Just… spirited. This was all before she settled down and married, if I recall.” 

Found you, Caterina. 

Rivain. It was that job—the one where she’d eliminated a father and son. The file had felt… wrong. Rushed. Sloppy. It had stuck with him for that reason, and he didn’t understand why until that instant. 

“You think you and she are so different,” Bernardo said as he picked up his tray, groaning slightly as he bent down. “But I think the reason you two clash and bicker so much is because you’re too much alike.”

Illario could barely keep his breathing steady, barely contain the thrill coursing through him. He had her. He had caught his grandmother in a lie-  and not just any lie, but one tied to a contract. A mistake she had buried long ago, and now he would exhume it, along with the terrible truth she was terrified the world might uncover. There was more to this, and he was going to find out exactly what, for Lilya’s sake, and for the promise he intended to keep.

Softly tagging: @rookamell @kabsey @ofcrowsanddragons @cocoboots @serstolas @selennes @jukkaricity @talkmagically @himluv @hightowerqueen @brennacedria @basedonconjecture @blackwall-my-tiny-husband @seaglassmelody @davrinsleftpectoral @gingervitus @mythals-whore @thedissonantverses and anyone else who wants to play <3

[yooglefics]

Reveal — Part three: celebrating

Pairing: Yoongi x fem!reader ( camboy!yoongi x camgirl!reader )  Wordcount: 4,513 words Genre: 18+ / smut. mdni! remember to not use fics as your only source of sex ed.  Summary: Your birthday celebration takes a turn when Jungkook forgets to uninvite a particular guest. Part 3 of Recording & Editing. Read it in that order for context. More warnings under read more.

Includes: 3k words of just smut. Mentions of posting / selling sex content. Dirty talk. Use of pet names ( baby, doll, good girl? ). Fingering ( f ), Oral sex ( f and m ). Frottage. Cum play? A bit of overstimulation? Possessive Yoongi because Reveal!Yoongi is just like that and I can't do anything about it. It's true, I tried.  Author's note: Okay, I think this is actually the last one for this. A trilogy is fine, right? But also don't quote me on that because clearly I can't seem to know how to stop writing this pair and I'm watching Jungkook from a distance like 👀 but shhh Which speaking of, I was thinking and if you want to know more about the characters in this verse specifically, you can send an ask with “( reveal!verse )” at the beginning, maybe specify if you want it to be answered ic with “( @ reveal!theirname )” , and a question or whatever you want to say. Idk, thought it could be fun~ Also, I made a post with different options for tag lists in case anyone is interested. You know, for future projects and stuff. But don't feel preassure to request it, and thank you for following this mini series. Anyway. I hope you like this and if you do please remember to comment, reblog, ask, follow, and whatnot. And again, thank you for reading <3

“You know, you could reply instead of just staring at it,” Jungkook says, over your shoulder.

You're sitting in your living room, phone in your hand with the audio post on screen. There was no way of denying you were caught, you had already embarrassed yourself by acting like a schoolgirl when telling him about SugaD leaving a comment.

“But what if I say something dumb and he deletes it?”

“Why would he do that? He thinks you're cute,” he teases.

“The cutest,” you correct, silly smile on your face once again. 

“See. You should shoot your shot and talk to him, he clearly is interested in you too,” he winks, finally walking around the couch to sit at your side, fresh bowl of popcorn on his lap.

“But it's all so crazy. I don't even know how he found my page, he only follows big creators.”

“Well, he asked me.”

“What?”

“He asked who you were,” his Bambi eyes blink at you, fear creeping on his soft expression, “I… don't kill me, please.” He moves away from you and that makes you turn to him, leg over the couch and phone forgotten.

“Jungkook? What did you do?” All the scenarios go through your mind, imagining the worst. He told him you kind of have a big old crush on him even if you have never seen his face? Did he tell him about the joke of suing him because he is so—

“And I was busy so I thought, you know, he works with music and edits his own content and it seemed like a good idea,” he is talking so fast and you realize you missed the beginning of it, but before you can ask him to start over he just burst it, “so he edited it.”

“He what?”

“The audio. Your audio. He edited it.”

“My… audio.” The audio you're sure included the start of his video.

Fuck.

Shit.

That's so much worse.

You should delete your account. Delete yourself. You want to move to another country and change your name. 

“Fuck.”

“I'm sorry. I should have asked you, but I figured…” he trails off, coming closer again. “I just… I didn't think it was a big deal because… well, I didn't know he was gonna subscribe to you. He only subscribes to people he is friends with and I know he doesn't even watch their stuff.”

You can tell he is trying to make you feel better, and although you appreciate the effort, everything is confusing. Does that mean he wants to be friends? But he doesn't watch his friends's content so… no friends?

“Fuck.” You murmur again.

“Are you mad at me?” Jungkook asks softly, worrying the ring on his bottom lip. 

“I… don't know.”

“Do you want me to go?”

“No. Let's finish the movie.”

But you can concentrate for the rest of it, and know that you'd have to watch it again another time in case your friend brings up something important about the plot. But now, the only thing in your head is theories about what you're going to do about that one particular comment and, again, you consider just deleting the whole thing.

Jungkook invites you the next weekend to the restaurant, it's his free day but he tells you he can get you the birthday special even if it’s one day early and he can even sing for you. You tell him you are only going if he doesn't make a whole thing out of it. You'd wear the birthday hat and blow out the candles, but if he dares to bring more attention to you, you actually will kill him.

He believes you. 

And so, here you are. Sitting in a booth in front of Jungkook and Hanna, your best friend. Big chocolate cake in front of you that they insisted on getting because “you can have it for dessert for the next week and think about how much we love you”, and also because you love chocolate.

“Sorry. Am I late?” A voice behind you interrupts the end of the birthday song, your smile falling because you could recognize it anywhere, and the fact that he is here makes you panic.

“Oh, shit… ah…” Jungkook stumbles over his words, even comes close to knocking his drink. “Sorry. Hi.” He greets the guy and throws an apologetic look your way. “This is my friend Yoongi.”

“Oh, hi. I'm Hanna and didn't know we were waiting for someone, but good thing we got a big cake, uh?” she jokes and looks at you. She does that whenever you're around people and you don't talk, her way of making you feel included. 

But right now you want to disappear. Birthday crown and all. Maybe take the cake too.

“Hi,” you say timidly, eyes on Jungkook instead.

“I…” he starts, remorseful look on his face as he explains, “invited Yoongi last week, didn't want to third wheel with you two.”

“Oh, that's fun! Well, you want to sit there or should I move?” Hanna proposes and you're about to say she should come to your side even if that means Jungkook has to stand up too, but Sug— Yoongi speaks faster.

“I’ll sit here. Is that okay?” 

You only nod, scooting to your right to make space for him. To not be so close he notices how nervous he makes you just with his presence.

He smells nice. Fresh and woody at the same time, and is only overwhelming because is him. Because a lot of things about him are a mystery still and you are about to unlock them all right now.

“Those are cute,” Hanna says.

“Ah, yes. I… these are for you,” a bouquet is presented on your line of vision. Is not big nor too much, the perfect size to be a nice present and it lets you admire the flowers’ beauty. “Happy birthday.”

“You didn't have to.”

“You don't like it?” If you weren't so focused on your own nerves you'd have noticed the ones on his voice.

“I do.” You quickly say. It's cute. The lavender mixed with two types of white flowers you don't recognize but you love the look of, mostly the one that looks like little stars. “Is really pretty. Thank you.”

“I'll bring you a drink,” Jungkook says, and looking at him you know he needs one himself. You could actually kill him after this.

“Wait, where is the restroom?” Asks Hanna and your eyes lift from your present so fast your neck almost hurts, but she is quickly disappearing in the direction Jungkook points her to.

And that's what you get for keeping everything a secret from your best friend. Karma as its finest.

“Pff,” you breathe, sinking into your seat. 

“I can go if you want me to,” Yoongi says softly at your side.

“What? No, no is—” you try to explain is not him. Nothing is wrong actually. Everything is perfect and you're totally not freaking out.

“You haven't looked my way,” does he sounds hurt? “Is alright. I don't want to make you uncomfortable or anything, I just thought… I don't know. JK invited me weeks ago and then I found out who you were,” you cringe at that, knowing he most likely means when he listened to your audio. “I figured I'd take the chance and meet you.”

“Why? I mean. Don't you feel uncomfortable because of the…” finishing your sentence feels unnecessary and saying it at loud is embarrassing.

“The fact that you watch my videos?”

“I swear I only watched like three and I don't do that with all of them is just— Are you laughing?” Finally you turn to him, a smirk playing on his lips.

“Sorry, sorry. But is that supposed to make me feel better?” 

You don't answer. 

“Of course I don't mind.” He leans in, "If you sound that cute, I'll let you watch all of them for free.”

Breath caughts on your throat, looking at him with big round eyes. His face is right there and you try to take it all in. Clean shaved, jawline not too harsh and with soft features, crested moon shaped brown eyes, pink lips, and the way they curve up when he catches you staring at them.

“I don't want to go, but if you want me to, I'll do it.” he backs out, and somehow you can tell he is genuine.

“Stay.”

After dinner and some chatting, Jungkook offers to drive Hanna home and Yoongi takes you to his place. It’s fancy, looks like taken out of a magazine and you tell him exactly that. He asks you if you want to judge his room too and with a laugh you tell him yes, because honestly, you're curious now.

You tell him it doesn't look too cozy and suggest investing in a nice blanket, he raises an eyebrow at you and finally you confess you're an interior designer by day. He tells you he is a music producer. And then you talk about how and why each of you decided to join OF and what kind of things you have discovered you like during that journey.

“Interesting,” he says when you confess you started following him because of a hand picture you saw somewhere else. He has been playing with your fingers while you lay on his bed, is relaxing and you don’t mind at all. “You said you were going to sue me, should I even be this close?” 

“Oh my—” you pull away, covering your face. And he laughs. “Go away.”

“No, c'mon. It's cute.” He tries to turn your body to its side, but you don't give in. “Look at me, please.”

“No. I can't.”

“Why?”

“Because no.”

He laughs again, hand on your hip, “Baby, please?” Head shake is your answer, “I'm sorry. Should I confess something too?” 

“Yes.”

“Let's see,” he props himself on his elbow, looking at you even if you are still covered. “I knew about you before the audio.”

“You did?”

“Well, Jungkook talks about you all the time and I was curious. I think it was the third time you guys collabed that I saw a picture and he mentioned your name on his page.”

“Which picture?” You ask, uncovering half your face to look at him, he smiles.

“The one with the books. You were holding one in front of you.”

You remember that. Like all your pictures with Jungkook, it was suggestive more than anything and in that one the pose made it look like you were touching yourself.

“And now I know what you sound like doing that,” he teases, “wonder if I'd be lucky enough to see it someday.”

“You've to stay subscribed and see,” is your turn to have fun.

“Should I make another instruction video for you?” or maybe not. And before you cover yourself again, he holds your wrist, bracelet digging a little on your skin but not enough to actually hurt. “Don't. Let me see you.”

“Yoongi…”

“Fuck. Don't say my name like that,” is only half joking, but he knows you can tell he wants you just as much. “Can I kiss you?” 

You nod and his lips touch yours in a millisecond. They are soft, but his movements are quick, and soon his tongue is asking for permission to enter your mouth. With a moan, you granted happily and hungry to taste him. 

His hand goes back to your waist, only resting before squishing it gently. Your own hand traveling to his nape and bringing him closer, your chests touching.

In need of air you break the kiss, and instead of stopping, his mouth keeps working down your jaw and neck, “ohh…” you try to breathe, throwing your head back just enough to give him space. It feels so good you don't want to stop.

And he doesn't. He continues until he reaches the fabric of your dress, covering your chest. He imagines your little gold collar he saw in some pictures. He thinks about buying you one on silver to match his own jewelry or buying a chain for himself the color of yours. Anything would do, he just wants you to be his and for people to know.

“W-wait,” your voice brings him back, and he stops immediately, “don't leave marks. At least not visible.”

“Okay, I can get creative.” A wink seals his promise and his hand moves to the buttons in the front of your dress, his lips following soon behind to attach themselves to the exposed skin. To your breast. He licks and kisses and when he reaches your nipple he flicks his tongue a few times. 

That gets a good reaction from you, but he still asks “You like that?” because it does good to his ego and the mid-erection on his pants.

You nod between whimpers and can feel his laugh through his chest resting on your stomach, “is that enough?” You look at him, the lust on his eyes and his stupid smirk on his lips when he frees your abused skin from his mouth, leaving a bruise on your breast. “Is my tongue enough to make you cum, doll?” 

And your pussy answers for herself. Legs impossibly close in search of some friction and, of course, Yoongi noticed.

“You need something?”

“P-please…”

“Tell me. I'll give you anything, baby.” His voice is raspy like on the videos you watch alone at night. Except is not through a screen and is actually directed to you. Is everything you wanted while touching yourself and for a second you wonder if it's really happening.

Running your hand through his hair you look at him, now lower on the bed and playing with the bottom of your dress while he waits for a sign between your folded legs, cheek against your thigh, letting you catch your breath. 

“Yoongi?” 

“Hmm?” his hand stops on your leg, heavy and warm.

“Touch me, please.”

And you don't have to tell him twice. His hands roam your body, while he leaves kisses here and there. Too desperate to finish unbuttoning it, the bottom of your dress gets pooled at your waist, revealing the lilac lingerie he saw a picture of the other day. 

“So pretty,” he whispers, fingertips traising the embroidered details. It makes you shiver. “Fuck, I can see how wet you are.” His movements travel south to the patch over your entrance, and you respond just as he expects, moaning.

And before you can get used to that, his tongue is on you, flat over the wet and thin fabric. “Can't wait to taste you properly,” sounds a lot like a promise.

Biting your lip, you contemplate asking him to hurry, to give you anything. To get rid of all of your clothes yourself.

But he knows exactly how to drive you crazy. 

Moving your panties to the side with the help of his left hand, the fingers on his right one make an appearance again. Collecting your wetness and using it to rub over your pussy, only applying little pressure at first. Moans echo throughout his room once again, louder and this time in the company of a couple groans from him when he finally pushes in. 

“O-oh… oh my,”

“That's it. Let me hear your pretty sounds,” he encourages, letting you get used to the sensation before adding another one, his eyes on you the whole time. In the way you lick your lips before moaning, the way your hips move towards his hand asking to be fucked, the way your pussy wraps around his fingers. 

“...more.” Is barely a whisper but he hears it, smiling at you.

“Want more? Is not enough?”

“Need you, please” 

And how can he say no to you when you look at him that way. Like he is the only one that can give you what you need, how you want. 

His head disappears between your legs, mouth watering at the thought. He can't even deny he was waiting for you to ask him to eat you out, he would do it in a second, whenever you want, because “oh, god, you taste so sweet.” 

Feeling your legs closing he holds them back, pushing them against your torso with his free hand and squishing your soft skin just as tight as you are doing to his fingers. Thinking about how much force he would need to apply to leave a mark.

“F-fu… fuck. It, it feels so good, please.”

He is proud, lips curving lightly but without wanting to pull away to smile properly. His tongue laps at your entrance alongside his fingers, moving faster and faster, against that spot that makes your body tremble and makes the knot at the bottom of your abdomen want to scream.

“Please, please, please…” 

And he knows what that means. Knows you're close and just need a little push, and he gives it to you in the form of a “Cum for me, baby.”

And you do. Head back and pussy tight around him, legs closing and hand pushing him away when his tongue keeps working, overstimulating and catching all that you give him.

“Oh… my…” you breath. Legs still shaking but feet finally on the mattress again. 

He is standing at the end of his bed, one hand pushing his long hair back and the other unbuckling his belt, eyes on you while he takes you in. “Was that good?” He asks, you nod and he smiles matching yours. “Great. You deserve it.” 

“You want some help with that?” 

“What do you want?” Yoongi throws back, “You’re the birthday girl, after all.”

Worrying your bottom lip between your teeth, thoughts filled with ideas of the things you had wished to be able to do before, you watch him get rid of his jeans and boxers, his dick on full view for you. Only you. “Can I suck you off?”

Obviously, he can't say no, so he nods and you are quick to stand up, legs still feeling a bit weak after your orgasm, but it isn't a problem because as quick as your dress falls completely to the floor, you're kneeling in front of him, between his legs and hands on his tights.

You watch him stroke himself a couple times through gritted teeth, his other hand coming to cup your cheek as you get closer to his length. Saying you had been waiting for this wouldn't be an exaggeration, and without breaking eye contact you stick your tongue out, touching the blush tip slowly. 

He sighed, as if he was, too, relieved at the contact. “So pretty.” 

You push his hand away, taking his hardened length into your hand, only realizing then how big he actually is.

Tapping his dick on your tongue gets you a groan from him and you hum as you wrap your lips around the head, circling your tongue around it inside your mouth before letting go. He smiles at you, his chest moving fast as his breathing increases and his eyes are filled with lust. Your hand moves up and down when your mouth is not working, still wanting him to feel good.

Preparing yourself, you get closer again, taking more in and closing your eyes, adjusting to the girth. 

“Fuck,” he moans, thumb softly stroking your face as his hand moves to the back of your neck when you imitate the previous movements of your hand, going up and down, taking more and more into your mouth. “Y-yeah, just like that.”

The encouragement helps the feeling on your lower abdomen to build in again, pussy squeezing around nothing and moaning around his dick, making Yoongi clench his jaw, bucking his hip up, and letting his grip go only at the last second. He wants to fuck your mouth so bad. Only watching your lips around him is driving him crazy and you feel oh, so warm. 

“So pretty, doll,” he compliments as you try to keep your eyes on him as much as possible, only closing them when he hits the back of your throat. 

You come up, catching your breath as you let your hand do some more work. Collecting your spit and rubbing your thumb on his sensitive tip. He reacts just as you expect, groans and head tilted back slightly, with his hands on either side gripping the black sheets. And that gives you an idea. 

“Can you…” eyes are on you immediately, but you wish they weren't because that makes you shy and is even more difficult to ask.

“Tell me, baby.” He pleads, “I'll give you anything, just ask.”

But is easier to show than tell, and your fingers grab around one of his wrists, positioning his hand on the back of your head. “Just… hold it.” 

“Fuck.” He has to inhale quickly before nodding, are you reading his mind? “tap my thigh if it gets too much, okay?”

A nod of your own, licking your lips before taking his dick in your mouth once again, the simple weight of his hand being enough to encourage you to take more in and staying there a bit longer before bobbing your head.

Yoongi alternates between letting you follow your own peace and holding you down for a few more seconds every once in a while, finally letting himself slam his hips more harshly against your mouth and the back of your throat. His moans fill the air as he pushes into you. “feels amazing… you take my cock so well.” You hum, making his hips fuck into you at the vibration, increasing the tension on his lower abdomen. “Such a good girl.”

“I could fuck your pretty mouth all night,” he goes on, looking down at you and all the mess you've created between his legs. “Oh f-fuck. What a beautiful sight.” opening your eyes makes the view even better, and he holds your head down, making you gag around his dick, “ah… ah…” he lets go, not wanting to come just yet.

And it might be the first time you see him and his beautiful dick in person, but SugaD’s last video is fresh on your mind, —how could it not after the anxiety of him finding out— so you remember he likes to hold back. And is hot. But he is right, is your birthday celebration and you don't want to play by his rules.

“Are you close?” the hoarseness in your voice is surprising for a second, but you don't have time to think about how it's most likely going to hurt tomorrow because he is fixing your hair behind your ears with a devious smile on his beautiful face.

“Want me to come in your pretty mouth?”

“No.” He raises an eyebrow at the quickness of your answer. “I have an idea.”

Standing up, your knees thank you, only realizing then you'll also have to deal with that later, being so in your head while giving head, the weight of having him in your mouth a priority, that you didn't even care until then. 

You're back laying on his bed, pulling Yoongi to be in front of you, between your legs. “Is going to be embarrassingly fast if you ask me to fuck you right now.”

And for a second you consider it. Because he is not saying no and because he looks so good like this, hands reaching down to hold your waist and bring you closer to him down the bed. But you shake your head no. “You ruined my plans today,” feeling the need to justify your pervy desires you explain, “I was supposed to take pics today for my birthday post, so now you have to help.”

“You want me to take pictures of you?” also not saying no, just clarifying, and you can see in the lust of his gaze he likes the idea.

“I want you to do something first,” shyness invades again but looking down at his hardened length is enough to deliver the message, “and then take a picture. If you want.”

Yoongi is close to you again, bending down to kiss you with a “fuck yes, I want to.” His dick is resting over your pelvis, and you can't help the involuntary thrust your own body does. It feels heavy, and warm, and just so perfect. And when he thrust his hips, frotting against yours, you can't take it.

“Y-yoongi,” and he does it again and again, and soon you're cumming by just the feeling and the thought of how would it be to be actually fucked by him, how much would he reach inside you, making you feel so full and “Ohhh… oh”

He holds you and kisses down your neck as you come down your high a second time, before kneeling once more at the end of the bed. “You look so fucking precious, baby,” he notes, hand wrapping around his dick once more.

“You look great too,” you offer, biting your lip before letting honesty take over shyness, “I finally get to see you.”

“You been thinking about it?” He knows exactly what you mean. The reason he cuts it off his videos isn't just for privacy, is to give people something to wish for, to yearn.

You nod.

“Baby wants to see me cum?” Another nod, lost for words, but he is not having it. “Tell me.”

“Yoongi…”

“C'mon, baby. Tell me,” he taps his dick over your clothed pussy. Once, twice. Making your body jump at each touch. He teases the tip over your over-sensitive area and then taps again. Honestly, is hard to tell if he is teasing you or himself, but either works.

“I-I want to see you, please.”

His wrist moves in a faster rhythm, his other hand resting on your leg because he just needs to touch you. “Yeah? I'm going to cum,” he pants, “and you're going to show people how gorgeous you look covered on it.” 

You really don't know how much he loves the idea of that, how much he wants to show the world you let him ruin you, how you whisper “please, please,” as he finishes, head thrown back and your name escaping his lips on a moan, shooting white over your naked stomach.

But you can imagine, his victory smile gives him away. And the way he keeps complimenting you all the while grabbing his phone and snapping picture after picture just confirms it.

But you can judge Yoongi too harshly, it does something to you as well. It helps your confidence and a proud smile matches his as he tells you people are going to hate him if you really post this on your page. And that newfound confidence tells you is going to be the first time you click upload without second-guessing yourself.

[     afterhours(y/n):     Thank you for the birthday wishes!     I indeed got a nice present, don't you think?            [ picture ]                                                                          ]

[    SugaD:     Unbelievable 😻     Can we do something for my birthday too?                                                                                                                   ]

♡ Tag list: @m00njinnie , @sexytholland , @seoullove96 , @thelilbutifulthings , @disneyprincessshuri , @yoongibaybee ,

Thank you so much guys for your interest and support on this little series, I appreciate you 🥺💙

➪ Part one. | ➪ Part two | ➪ Updates for this verse | ➪ Ko-fi

➪ Main masterlist. | ➪ Updates in general | ➪ Request & chats ♡

[specialagentartemis]

Re. your post on AI with no sources (which I'm going to reblog; but I wanted to note this outside of the tags): I work in higher ed too, in administration. As it happens, my program is having a meeting next week, required by the office for undergrad education, to talk about "what we're going to do about Grade Inflation". *SCREAMING* I've been in this job for 24 years. I've seen past attempts to deal with grade inflation! I've seen past attempts to deal with honors inflation! They haven't figured out a solution YET. But what's especially NOT a solution is pushing it down on all of the individual depts. Because all you'll get in that case is inconsistent amounts of change (if any), and all that happens then is that those depts that DO try to address the issue find their enrollments plummeting. It absolutely HAS to be an across-the-university push all at the same time, or nothing is going to work. But yeah, sure, we'll sit around a table next week and talk about how we can grade more harshly. An idea that, as things stand, is basically asking the instructors to kill their enrollments and thus kill their student evaluations, which are examined by the administration when it comes time to renew their job appointment. I do NOT know the solution to all of this. Because there's all that on the one hand, and there's the "college as commodity" issue that you mentioned on the other hand. How do we get to a point where we can get the students to focus on the learning opportunity in front of them, rather than on the distant post-graduation job market? I just don't know, because the whole mindset is so foreign to me. And I think for a lot of teachers, too (which I am not), there's this same issue of... we weren't the ones in that mindset when we were IN college, so it's very hard to understand it now. It's not hard to understand the *fear*, or the pressure. It's just hard to understand the not-caring at all. Anyway. Just wanted to say: solidarity. This is such a big problem. AI is exacerbating it, making it worse, but the problem really was already there.

oooof yeah. Good luck and I’m really sorry about that :(

as one of the reblogs of my post said: the solution to this is UBI. Unfortunately, the solution to quite a lot of things is UBI.

Because that’s the problem, right? It’s not so much that AI exists, it’s that it makes it exponentially easier to just give up and fall into the attitude that is already pervasive anyway. I’ve never had to talk about great inflation but ugh yeah. If college is a commodity, and you need a good grades, and if college is a business, you need to keep coming and paying for those good grades… you have to revamp basically the entire economy to get out of the hole that’s been dug, both by us and for us!

Like, what, we need “college does not cost thousands of dollars” AND ALSO “4-year college is not a requirement for getting a ‘respectable’ job where you can support yourself and survive comfortably” AND ALSO “community college gets respect and support” AND ALSO “professors shouldn’t be expected to teach, research, and do administrative work all at once, all the time” AND ALSO “get rid of the publish or perish model for real” AND ALSO “teaching and public outreach are institutionally valued” AND ALSO “college professors actually get taught how to teach, like get taught education theory and pedagogy” AND ALSO “not have students’ housing or scholarship depend on their grades” AND ALSO “not have a grade school culture of teaching to the test and standardized tests that instills in you for your entire childhood that grades are everything” BUT THAT WOULD MEAN “not funding grade schools/high schools based on student test scores, just actually funding them all for real” AND ALSO “hiring more teachers” BUT THAT WOULD MEAN “making teaching at a school a task that isn’t horribly thankless and burns people out real fast” BUT THAT WOULD ALSO MEAN “making school not a miserable place to be a child” WITH A SIDE OF “make sure everyone is teaching phonics again for real so from a young age, students learn how to read well and don’t struggle with reading and writing in a way that encourages them to give up and use ChatGPT” AND ALSO “generally having a culture that values learning and knowledge rather than money”… it is all SO MUCH and it will be hard to do and also expensive so nobody with the power to fix it really wants to try that hard to do so!!

and yeah, I definitely think you’re right that because all the professors and TAs are the people who liked school enough to keep doing it forever it’s just, incredibly hard to grok the students who don’t care. But the mess of a culture we’re in makes it all so hard to challenge because it feels like we need to untangle EVERYTHING to fix ANYTHING.

UBI would be a great start though.

[starsomens]

Okay hear me out

Noah and the reader have been together for years and one day when he came back home preparing for a special date with the reader she came in and they had a huge argument because of fake dating rumours about him and someone else online and the reader goes back to where she originally lived and the guys promised her that they wouldn't let Noah go but eventually he does chase after her to explain everything but here's the thing the day of the date...

He was going to propose.

idk if you like this idea just something that came up in my mind at 3am I just need you to write a actual good version of my version

Love you so much❤

Hello my love! It did not ignore this it’s because I took THAT long to get it all done 😭

I will use Poppy as a place holder of the rumors for this ask. I DO NOT CONDONE SENDING HATE TO POPPY OR SUPPORT OR SPREAD ANY RUMORS OR SPECULATION ABOUT HER!

"Don't act like you don't love the attention you getting from her!" you yell back at him

"Are you fucking stupid? Do you fucking hear yourself?" he yells back

This was a very explosive argument. This was their biggest tour yet, and successful nonetheless! But...there of course is always a downside to things and in this case it was, rumors. Specifically, romance rumors with Poppy since he had been seen with her a few times. The first was at the release party where Noah was attending without you....then the tour started.

You were tagged in countless pictures and posts of Poppy and Noah how everyone was calling them a cute couple, asking about you and asking if you both had split. Then the handshakes started, no it wasn't a big deal but with everything piling on....her doing something like a handshake...something so cute....you only wanted it to be with you

He came home wanting to take you out but you were just so tired and over everything. You didn't even give Noah one of your long passionate kisses like you usually did

"Yeah I do! It sounds like one of us is making sense!"

"Goddamn it Y/N, what the fuck is your problem?"

"You and her are my problem!" you were trying hard to hold back tears and keep your voice strong

"Will you fucking grow up, she toured with us, she sang on stage-"

"She wore you jacket, she did handshakes with you, you twirl her-"

"Are you fucking kidding me? A twirl? How old are you 5?"

"You don't fucking get it Noah," you sigh sitting back down on the sofa massaging your temples "it's more than that-"

"No it's not Y/N! You're fucking jealous over an artist who toured with us! You're so fucking insecure you can't stand to think I'm talking or interacting with some girl I work with," he snapped "i bust my ass on tour, show after show and I come back only for you to put up this bullshit?"

"......"

"Yeah keep you're fucking mouth shut because you know you're on some bullshit letting social media dictate our relationship like the gullible dumbass you are!"

You felt your chest snap and you bite your inner cheek as you stand from the sofa and go near the front door.

“Y/N….Y/N wait, I didn’t mean that you know what I mean- it’s- you’re not-“

The door slams and you left your shared home. You just walked instead of taking the car and that way he just wouldn't know where you were since the car was home. You even texted Nick and Jolly to keep him at bay because you just wanted space and to be alone.

This is NOT how this night was supposed to go....at all. AT ALL! He wanted to come home, take you to your favorite place, some ice cream after and then ask you to-

*Knock knock*

It was Nick and Jolly, they had com initially to try and calm the situation down, mostly Noah and to figure out what happened and how it all went down hill. Well, Noah explained what had happened. He started to hear the story for himself from his own mouth, and he stopped in the middle of the story and just stood up from the couch.

“I need to find her.”

“Look man, I think she just wants her space this was a lot-“

“You don’t get it Nick I NEED to find her. One way or another I’m gonna talk to her and apologize”

They really did try and stop him. They tried to stop him from leaving the house, but somehow his lanky ass got out the door. He gone to the car and drove around for a few minutes thinking of where you could possibly be. He tried calling and texting you and you were completely ignoring him. He even asked your friends, but he knew that they wouldn’t give him any information knowing that if he told them, he upset you, they would never want to hear from him again.

“Come on think! Think!” He scolds himself “…….wait what if-“

He makes a sudden turn on his next right. There was one place he could try, it may have been a slight chance but he remembered you said that it was strangely cozy and calming to be there. And it was a close enough walk to get there in about 10 minutes or so

As soon as he makes it to his studio building, he parks quickly and makes his way to the door and upstairs. Usually he would like doing some studio work at Home, most times when he is in the studio it’s when he’s working with the rest of the boys or really just needs to focus into the song he’s working on. He had you with him couple times and you really liked it there. He had given you a copy of the key to the studio only because if you ever felt that you were unsafe or you needed somewhere to go he wanted me to be somewhere where people knew you and he knew you’d be safe there. It was more than an emergency type of thing for you to have the key, but this was the one place he knew that you may be in.

He he he thought that you may have not been there, but he heard the very familiar sniff of you when you were crying….shit.

He gives a knock to one of the tables as to not startle you. He sees you and walks over to you, huddled into a ball and you were facing away from him. You knew his presence was there, but you didn’t want to look at him he said.

“Hey…..” he has no idea why he would start that way when he knew that you wouldn’t answer that

“Y/N, look I know I fucked up and I shouldn’t have said what I said, and you know that I didn’t mean it. I never think of you that way-“

“ but you still said it. It Hass to be true for you in some part of your mind…..” wasn’t true at all. He was just spewing bullshit. He doesn’t think any of that you ever in his entire life.

“No I don’t. Y/N, was being stupid Oky? I didn’t mean anything when I said that. None of that is true. I’ve never seen you that way in my eyes you know that….im sorry.” he knew that no matter what his explanations were he still had to apologize to you and he really was sorry from the deepest parts of his heart. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt the person he loved the most in this world.

His heart broke every time he heard you sniff, or he saw the very faint shape of a tear falling down your cheek

“Y/N…. You know when we started dating I had a really deep talk here actually with Nicolas. that’s when I told him that I was seeing you, but I also told him that I was really scared…” he admits, you never heard from him “ I was scared because I didn’t know I would be doing the right thing and I didn’t know if I knew how to be a good partner in a relationship, especially because of growing popularity of the band I was…afraid that it would scare you off”

You turn your head just a bit, but not completely as you listen to his story

“ and Nick gave me probably the best advice I could have for that moment. He told me that relationships wouldn’t be easy because they never are and I’m going to fuck up really bad sometimes….. and you’ll forgive me even though I fucked up really bad. You should have forgive me still did.

“I-“

“ if you don’t forgive me, I understand. But I need you to understand that I know in this world you’re…you’re my entire world at this point, my source of happiness. Was supposed to go this way. I had an entire thing planned and I fucked it up because I didn’t reassure you in the right way.”

“Noah I….maybe I was-“

“No you weren’t. I know what you’re going to say and you weren’t being overdramatic you weren’t being jealous. Miscommunication, but that wasn’t your fault. It was mine for not clearing it up. I wanted to do this in a different setting and a different way but…” he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a tiny box. He opens it to reveal delicate, like it was personally crafted to his design.

“Noah…..” you just couldn’t pinpoint your mix of emotions. You were still mad at him but at the same time you should have known better than to believe rumors and he pulled out.

“Y/N, my princess, my world, my muse, my everything. You’re the reason I keep going and keep trying to be a better person. The amount of questions I’ve answered as to how I’ve been able to do so many things and accomplish so many obstacles and just improve myself as a person and an artist…. All my answers come back to you. You are the reason for everything. We had a lot of thinking to do and one of the constant thoughts in my mind was you….”

You turned around fully facing him, fat tears running down your cheeks, and all you could do was just guck at him while he poured his emotions out. You were mad at him you knew how hard it was for him to fully express himself emotionally.

“… constantly every issue, every decision I always went back to you and how he would feel and what you would say. I love you. I went to the local jewelers and looked at rings and I bought it without hesitation because I just knew. I’m an asshole, and a jerk,”

“And a big fat meanie pants” you throw in your inside joke and he chuckles

“Yes, the biggest meaniest pants in the world. But the one thing I know I’m sure of is that I love you and I don’t want to picture the rest of my life without you. Y/N….will you give me the honor of being your husband? If you’ll still have me.”

You chuckle as the tears still fall

“ you are the dumbest guy I’ve ever dated…..”

He could feel his heart sinking his chest, thinking that you were about to rip him a new one, and he wouldn’t blame you….

“But, you’re also the most sincere I’ve been with……Noah, somehow always find a way to make up for your wrongs and I have no idea how you do it” you giggle as you closer to him, he was still holding the box waiting for your response

“ as long as you promise you’ll make up for tonight I think I can marry you”

“Awh even after I poured my entire soul out to you?” he says, sarcastically holding a hand over his chest. “ I think I can work something out.”

“You better, I can take my back answer back” smile slides the ring onto your finger and hold your hand tightly

“Eh I don’t think so baby, you’re stuck with me for life now,” he slides his hand up your arm after he puts the ring on and gently squeezes and caress the skin with his thumb

“I really am sorry baby. Truly deeply sorry.” he stands up and holds your hands as he do to bring you up with him and he brings you into a hug as he repeatedly kisses your head. “ and makes it up to you. I think I know a way to put those rumors to rest.”

“You do?” You looking up at him and he gives you a nod

The next day, Noah takes it upon himself to get back onto his social media platforms and announce his engagement to you. He made sure to include some of his favorite pictures of you guys together and wrote a heartfelt small paragraph. Putting arrest to the rumors and addressing who it was in his life that he loved the most.

It was saved to say that the band and him had blown up over the next week with the engagement course, Noah wasn’t big on social media as he has stated before and it wasn’t a huge deal but him going out of his way to put a statement out there on your end his behalf really did mean something to you. Next step was to plan for the actual wedding.

[saythatuwill]

Helllllo! I'm here again! Asking about The Android Playlists!

I wanna know about Abstract (Psychopomp) on the Vessel!android list

(I'm tottaaally not looking for a song for that fic, no that's nots what's happening)

and

Telomeres on the Noah!android list!

<3 @lyricallymelodic

OUGHHHH MY BELOVED FRIEND... i'm always happy to share! if this is a song you're considering for the fic, what a GOOD CHOICE. shall we?

if the format isn't the same as the last analysis please forgive me i'm experimenting. and writing this on my phone because walks help me think.

i have a mouthful to say abt "abstract (psychopomp)" so we'll under the cut it.

update (a WHOLE HOUR LATER): i might actually have to do a SEPARATE POST for android!noah because of how long this explanation is. i locked the fuck in for you my friend.

obligatory delta tag!!! @astronoids

ANDROID!VESSEL — ABSTRACT (PSYCHOPOMP) // HOZIER

this song was one of my more creative choices i'd say. i was hoping someone would ask about it!

Sometimes it returns like rain that you slept through

That washed off the world, the streets looking brand new

I will not be great, but I'm grateful to get through

The feeling came late, I'm still glad I met you

so, what is "it"? in the context of android!vessel, it's a particular memory. how that memory can come back, even if current events or Other Memories cast a shadow over it.

in this case? the memory is of sleep, specifically the day you and the force came to rescue him and the other androids. the regrets he has about his time in the cult and way he literally nearly attacked you that day. and how it took him a long time to realize that he could trust you and meant you no harm. that his time with sleep was not positive. but despite the trauma, ultimately it was what led you to him. despite everything, he's still glad he met you.

The memory hurts, but does me no harm

Your hand in my pocket to keep us both warm

The poor thing in the road, its eye still glistening

The cold wet of your nose, the earth from a distance

it's a painful trauma that haunts him, but ultimately those experiences will never happen again. and you're there, with him.

now, here comes vessel's internal conflict. we have to remember how heavily vessel was manipulated during his time with sleep. he KNOWS the memories are not fond or good, but in his mind, it still distorts itself.

so in the second half, the "you" is not you. it's sleep. sleep is the poor thing in the road, he is recounting that very same day he met you. except he's seeing sleep as some "poor creature" that maybe he damaged.

(wait, sherry! isn't that kind of hypocritical of vessel?) sure! but let's not forget what vessel is; a victim. i actually pull his mentality from personal experience. i want to take a second to properly unpack that.

vessel has no recollection of his life as an android before sleep. and sleep essentially gaslit and manipulated him into thinking he was a freaky android deity. any time vessel strayed from that path, sleep would remind him; "hey! behave yourself! no one else is going to love you or want you except for me. and me? i'm so good to you!"

that's conditioning vessel to believe that what sleep did to him was love. so in a sad way, he kind of just began to feel grateful and happy for it. it took him time to realize that was never love, and now he has you (who is a very healthy partner).

but sometimes, in intense or particularly lonely situations, at least in my experience? i find myself trying to convince myself that it wasn't that bad. i'm just dramatic, i should've been more grateful. minor good memories feel like proof that the abuse wasn't that bad. and unfortunately, that can cause doubt, or maybe make you question if YOU were the real problem.

vessel misses sleep, but not sleep themselves. the idea of sleep. does that make sense? whatever he was manipulated into thinking sleep was, he misses that sleep. but in the same breath it's not like he wants to go back.

tl;dr : he kinda gets in his own head. convinces himself at times that maybe sleep was the victim and not him.

Sometimes there's a thought, like you choose what you're doing

But it comes to naught when I look back through it

I remember the view, street lights in the dark blue

The moment I knew I'd no choice but to love you

first two lines; that's actually about you during that same memory. initially he believed that you chose to take time of your day to save him and the others, that you were just sorta doing your job. when he looks through it knowing you now, he knows that really, you're selfless and considerate. even if being that way could've killed you.

second two: i think this could be about sleep or you. if it's sleep, it's literally about how vessel eventually realized he was trapped and LITERALLY HAD NO CHOICE but to love sleep. if it's you, it's a flash forward to the day he realizes he's in love with you. he tried to avoid those feelings for so long, but they won't go away. his mind and his "heart" have already decided.

The speed that you moved, the screech of the cars

The creature still moving, that slowed in your arms

The fear in its eyes gone out in an instant

Your tear caught the light, the earth from a distance

okay so this is also vaguely a double meaning.

meaning one: vessel recounts witnessing you on that day, trying to save... well, here's your first lore piece about you in this au!

sleep had ended up grabbing your partner at the time (both romantic and your partner at work), it was an effort to get you to back off. and in fear for their life, you were ready to back off. you had backup swarming the manor anyway, that sleep didn't even know about. you agreed to back off, and asked them to return your partner to you.

sleep fatally wounds your partner and drops them on the ground before taking off. your partner dies in your arms. fueled by heartbreak and rage, you immediately sent backup in and put everything into rescuing as many androids as you could.

you were selfless and compassionate. but also reckless, fueled by your grief and the shock you were experiencing. vessel saw all of this. from the top of the staircase, he watched it. that was the first seed of doubt about sleep, but he wouldn't process it for a long time.

meaning two: vessel is referring to himself as "the creature". mainly, him when infected by the virus and him just generally not being trusting, as well as afraid of you.

your willingness to protect him from M.I.N.D literally killing him and scrapping him for parts. and the part about him still moving, slow in your arms?

it's a more recent recollection of you literally holding him. he doesn't pull away, he doesn't stiffen the way he usually does. the fear in his eyes going out in an instant is him finally not being afraid of you anymore.

the tear in your eyes isn't one of grief or sadness, that's a tear of joy.

Darling, there's a part of me I'm afraid will always be

Trapped within an abstract from a moment of my life

The weeds up through the concrete, the traffic picking up speed

All my love and terror balanced there between those eyes

he's talking to you. he's admitting the war he wages in his mind between his love and trust in you, and the memories that make him question if sleep was the real victim and missing the idea of sleep.

he's admitting to you that he's afraid that those memories, those feelings, that trauma, will never go away.

"those eyes" are his eyes. his love for you and his fear of the past, even the future at times (of somehow going through the same pain again), it'll always be there.

See how it shines

See how it shines

he wants you to look into his eyes, see it. see him. for who and what he is, for who he was then and who he is now. he wants you to see his hurt, his anger, his sadness and fear, and love him anyway.

( of course you do. )

[dr-abitat-blog]

Methods of Madness~

I finally gave into the peer pressure haha. After being tagged three times now in this (huge thanks and massive shoutout to these amazing beans @illustriousshadow @whumpsmith and @scarletfish8eta ) so I'll show a few of my methods as per this game xx

Instructions:

Share some insights into how you try to keep everything orderly in your writing! If you aren't sure what to include, you might share:

File structures for organising

What programs do you use? Handwriting? Are you a Word, Ellipsus or GoogleDocs practitioner?

Do you have art or images that accompany your work? How do you keep them with their chapters?

Do you hold on to prompts, inspiration, or other writing resources in some meaningful way?

So, I'm a Google Docs user all the way! Since I'm only working on one longer-term writing project, I can dedicate my organisation to that :) Generally I have a folder for each Season and inside each of those folders are currently Subfolders for each of the episodes / chapters for better organisation. Lurking in a completely separate folder I also have folders dedicated to first-draft / OG versions of each for purposes of nostalgia and also if I want to steal the juiciest lines or content from them (or even apply them later to another project!) then it's better to ensure they are on hand just in case rather than erased entirely (even if some of it is cringe looking back and makes me want to purge my brain!) I do have other folders for brainstorming and references / ideas but sometimes I just throw random docs around XD Below is an example of my 'organisation' XD

This way, if I just want to access or work on a specific episode, then I can access them in easy chronological order :) (Note: The ultimate format of my main project -- of which I've JUST started the revamp and editing phase -- is aiming to be an Audio drama, hence the 'episodes'. Each episode is now being divided into smaller sub-chapters for ease of reading (I'm talking 7 - 20 pages long rather than a friggin' 60 page doc XD). I must admit, I am enjoying the editing journey so far and it looks so much more digestible and organised!

(Other things not related to my main project are unfortunately just...thrown around somewhere in there haha. I should make dedicated folders for Whumpay and Whumptober works at least, perhaps one for friends' fic gifts or collabs, but we'll see. I'd consider myself 'semi-organised' x I'm not an artist, but I do keep a drive folder of character references for my writing (i.e. piccrew, moodboards, art from friends) to help with inspiration and motivation. Sometimes that's all I need to remind my (overthinking) brain that my friends support me even when I'm crying out that my writing sucks (on the bad days when I'm just worn down from work or mentally drained lol) CREDIT: I suck at art and own NONE of it -- credit to the amazing Ari-Cactus, Stab, Joker, Rio, Momagie and CandleFire for the art x

My last source might seem an odd choice but...it's actually Discord! In the server that my friend @whumpsmith and I have spent the last 6 years RPing in with our kiddos, I use the carl's-corner channel (aka: the bot channel) to post word-vomits, rapid-fire sudden one sentence brainwave ideas and scribble other notes and ideas when they hit (since discord is usually available at the touch of an app) to record those ideas down. It's like my own online notepad and since the channel is muted, I can spam in there to my heart's content XD (i.e.: quotes, chapter titles, sudden DON'T FORGET ideas even if some of it is jibber jabber and I'm talking to myself, it works x)

I also have a sub-channel with royalty free music tracks that either reflect my themes, setting and characters and sometimes giving that a quick listen before or during a particular scene also helps to set the mood and motivation x

And then last of all -- brainstorming with my friends! We each have our own brainstorming and snippet channels so we can post ideas, sneak peeks and get support +/- feedback which is a great resource and makes it much more fun and collaborative :) So there you have it! Those are my Methods of Madness! x Thank you so much for tagging me! Since you've already answered them I will not tag you, but I will tag a few other lovelies here who may not have done it yet so... @melpomenelamusa , @overdoseofanimation @tsukareta819 , @writer-of-worlds (no pressure if you don't want to do it, but if you do I look forward to seeing your answers!) and of course anyone that wants to do this challenge too is more than welcome to! @open-ask xx Have a great weekend, love and best wishes to you all! x

[doyelikehaggis]

Rarepair Rowboat: Kelliott | Kurt Hummel x Elliott “Starchild” Gilbert (Glee)

It was true: New York was the city that never slept. Part of Kurt had always wondered if that was an exaggeration, but the first time he'd gone with the glee club, his mind had been blown. Even now, after living there for a few months, it felt like a whole new world started the second the sun went down.

He loved it. The thought that, no matter what time it was, he was never really alone. When he couldn't sleep, which wasn't often but had been the case more recently due to everything that had gone on, he found himself climbing out onto the fire escape to sit and just... watch the world keep moving. Cars zoomed past, their lights as bright as stars. There wasn't a single building on the block that didn't have at least ten rooms lit up. He liked to imagine what the people inside were getting up; some were just rising, ready to head to work, and some were just getting home.

Which reminded him. Santana would be back from her midnight shift at the diner soon, which also meant--

The fire escape rattled as it was climbed, and Kurt bit back a smile. Or at least, tried to. He failed the second Elliott popped into view, holding a paper bag, still wearing his uniform and a beaming smile. How someone could be so happy after working five hours in New York in the late hours of the morning, Kurt truly had no idea. Elliott just never seemed to fazed by anything.

"Hey," Kurt greeted him as he pulled himself up to sit on the stairs by his feet. "Where's Santana?"

"Oh, she took the stairs. Like, the actual stairs," Elliott explained. "Something about how her skirt and fire escapes don't mix."

Kurt would've believed that, had she not been teasing him relentlessly for the past week about how much time he and Elliott had been spending togther. It was much more likely that she had decided to give them "alone time" despite his protests that it wasn't like that.

At least, he was trying really hard to make sure it wasn't. It was proving more and more difficult every time he saw Elliott.

"Anyway. I brought the usual. Turkey club, hold the bacon, on rye."

"Oh, I love you," Kurt blurted out. They both laughed it off as he took the foil-wrapped sandwich. "I'm starving. I went straight to bed after my shift earlier, and there's basically nothing in the fridge until one of us goes shopping. Probably me."

"I'm happy to tag along, if you don't mind some company," Elliot said as he procured a bottle of water for Kurt, and some fizzy drink for himself. "I know all the best places to go grocery shopping. There's this amazing little market nearby. You'll love it, it's super healthy. Super cheap, too."

"Sounds like my kind of place."

He bit into his sandwich, and it was like heaven. He never knew if Elliott ordered the food he brought after his shift, or if he was snagging free food on the way out, or even if he was staying an extra twenty minutes to make himself, but whatever it was, Kurt loved him for it. In the most platonic way possible, of course. And maybe a little in the other way, though he certainly wasn't going to admit that.

They ate and talked, sitting out on the fire escape until the sun started to come up an hour later. With how obviously exhausted he was, Kurt felt bad about Elliott having to traipse all the way back to his own apartment. So, he offered him the couch, but Elliott insisted his apartment wasn't far, and he was desperate to get out of his uniform. Kurt tried not to dwell on that thought for too long.

Santana was still awake when he climbed back in through the window, but she didn't say anything. She just smirked and gave him a wave as he went off to bed. Like she was one to talk, when he knew she was waiting up solely so she could see Rachel before she started her own shift at the diner.

They were all keeping secrets, but none of them would explicitly call the other on it. Someone would, eventually, but for now, it was kind of fun to live in this unspoken world of knowing looks and observations. For now, Kurt could go on pretending he wasn't falling for Elliott, and Santana could lie through her teeth about crushing on Rachel Berry, something she'd rather shave her own hair off than admit, and Rachel could remain oblivious in her own little Broadway world.

[aalinaaaaaa]

Incorrect Quotes Tag

Thanks to @tryingtimi for tagging me ages ago! <3

The premise is to use this site to generate some incorrect quotes for your characters! In this case, I picked the High Councillors (because I find it funny to put them in silly things)

—

Namon: From now on we will be using code names. Namon: You can address me as Eagle One. Namon: Orlaith is “been there done that”. Namon: Eshani is “currently doing that”. Namon: Claudia is “it happened once in a dream”. Namon: Najsha is “if I had to pick a dude/gal/enby”. Namon: And Ordune is.. Namon: Eagle Two Ordune: Oh thank god.

-

Eshani: I can’t believe we have to be stuck in this room together! Namon, swallowing the key: Truly unfortunate.

-

Namon: Eshani kissed me! Ordune: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Namon: It was unbelievable! Ordune: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Claudia: Okay, we wanna hear everything. Ordune, get the wine and unplug the phone. Namon, does this end well or do we need tissues? Namon: Oh, it ended very well. Ordune: Do not start without me! Do not start without me! Claudia: Okay, alright, let’s hear about the kiss. Was it a soft brush against your lips or was it like a, you know, “I gotta have you now” kind of thing? Namon: Well, at first it was really intense, you know? And then, oh God, and then we just sort of sunk into it. Claudia: Ohh… So, okay, was she holding you? Or were her hands on your back? Namon: First they started out on my waist and then they slid up and then they were in my hair. Ordune and Claudia: Ohhh. meanwhile Eshani eating pizza in their house: And, uh, and then I kissed him. Najsha: Tongue? Eshani: Yeah. Orlaith: Cool.

-

Namon: If you bite it and you die, it's poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it's venomous. Claudia: What if it bites me and it dies?! Namon: Then you're poisonous. Jesus Christ, Claudia, learn to listen. Najsha: What if it bites itself and I die? Namon: That's voodoo. Ordune: What if it bites me and someone else dies? Namon: That's correlation, not causation. Eshani: What if we bite each other and neither of us die? Namon: That's kinky. Affril: Oh my god.

-

Najsha, gardening: Hey, can you bring me the hoe? Ordune: Yeah, sure. A few minutes later Ordune: Here you go. Najsha: Ordune: Namon: Why am I here?

-

Ordune: Why did you guys dress up as each other for Halloween? Namon: Claudia is the scariest thing I could think of! Claudia: Namon told me I should pick the dumbest costume possible.

(well at least Namon gets a badass crow cloak out of it ����)

-

Claudia: We've got to find a way to cut down our expenses. What can we live without? Namon: Affril, probably.

-

Orlaith: Your Honor, I hereby submit the following to the court: Orlaith: Namon, what the actual FUCK?

-

Namon: How’s practice going? Claudia: Terrible. I want to stab everybody there. Namon: Okay, just don’t get any blood on your clothes. Claudia: …you shouldn’t be condoning this. Namon: Don’t tell me how to live my life.

-

Eshani: Are you tall enough to play basketball though? Orlaith: Are you calling me short? Eshani: I'm calling you vertically challenged.

-

Orlaith, to the Squad: The real secret to immortality? Not dying. You want to be immortal? Okay, that’s easy. Just don’t die. That’s it. Refuse to die. There you go. Claudia: But how- Orlaith, ignoring them: “But how”, you may ask. Well, easy. Just don’t do it. Refuse to. Say “no thanks”.

-

Namon: I am the most responsible person in the group. Eshani: …You just set the kitchen on fire. Namon: Yes, and I take full responsibility for that.

-

Eshani: It's not like I try to blow things up, exactly. It just sort of happens. You've got to admit though, fire is fascinating.

—

Open tag as always, plus @houndsofcorduff @ark-inkweaving @seastarblue @nightmaricwriter @kingragnarok-writes @darkluminosity @gioia-writes-and-others @flock-from-the-void and @oh-no-another-idea

[ingo-ingoing-ingone]

A Personal Post

Hi guys, I'm finally making the post I kept telling myself and my best friends I'd make but wanted to put it off until I felt better. That hasn't happened and with how things are going I thought it was best to just post it now.

So for a while, since probably late 2023, I've felt less like my blog is for me, and more like it's some kind of fandom archive. Which, if you use it this way as-is, great! I'm glad my blog could make you happy like that! But that's not what I set out for it to be.

I'm the sort of neurodivergent person who likes to categorize things, including my interests. All my tumblr blogs are specific to one thing, and this one was no exception.

I began tagging things soon after I made the blog because I saw a lot of people were sad about the twins, and I thought "well since I love both sad and happy stuff, and I'm really good about categorizing things, maybe I can try and help!" And according to many, it did help!

But I think that also gave off the impression that I was making this blog for other folks, and that isn't the case. I'm sorry I never clarified. It's not an archive; I do not reblog shipping posts, posts from people I've blocked, AUs I don't click with, and sometimes just not everything I see.

I've gotten popular in the fandom, and for the most part I do, from the bottom of my heart, enjoy it. I have people who care about my hyperfixation! That's amazing! I have people who love my cosplay and want to meet up with me. I've made so many friends of all shapes and sizes and it's probably the most incredible thing I've ever experienced, truth be told.

But yeah my blog being mine has gotten away from me a bit, I think.

I want to keep tagging my submas tags, that isn't going to change. I will tag triggers when asked, unless it's kind of impossible due to the blog's subject (trains, for instance) or a name or really common word (like the word 'head' or something). Other than that please reach out and I'll do my best to remember. But other tags? Those will be up to me. I don't want to tag when OCs show up. I love OCs and like seeing them, and don't want to have to remember that one person who visits my blog doesn't.

I had anon off for a while because honestly ever since making this blog, there have been anons who really made me unhappy. (Also yes, non-anons but that's been fewer and far between). I've gotten misinformation, accusations, horrible and disgusting explicit asks, and criticisms and complaints, and I'm just... Not here for that. Keep the explicit things and misinfo out of my inbox, I am no arbiter of morality or personal decisions, and I am not here for you to share your negative opinions of submas or the fandom.

Anon is on for people who are too self conscious to chat face to face, for people to send fun headcanon ideas (remember when people did that back in 2022 when this blog started? I miss that, it was sweet and wholesome), to share song recommendations... That kind of stuff. If you have an actual problem, please, PLEASE talk to me off anon, whether that be DMs or a non-anon ask that I can answer privately. Especially if we're friends; please, please just talk to me about stuff. I don't bite! I swear!

But yeah the bottom line is I'm here to participate in fun (and sometimes heartbreaking!) fandom stuff. I'm here for FUN, not as my job. I know that we're all a bunch of neurodivergent folks and sometimes interactions can be a swing and a miss, but please try to be mindful. Please treat me like a person and not just like a museum curator for this blog.

Truth is, I haven't been okay for a while now. It's gotten worse this year for sure, and due to life stuff I cannot see things feeling better for me for some time. I need to go day by day for a lot of things, and I am trying to get better about needing to set boundaries and all that sort of thing. I suffer from intense paranoia too, and having so many eyes on me is genuinely terrifying at times. I'm trying to manage that as best I can, but I do ask that folks be kind.

NO I am not going anywhere, my blog is staying and will continue on as normal, but I really, really needed to get this posted.

Please continue to interact with me and chat and everything like that! But also please remember to treat this space, my blog, as my space. Thanks for reading!

[blessedwithabadomen]

in love with the mess - day six

summary : Aubrey is going on tour and, for once, she's decided to focus on having as much fun as possible. Oli can be a little shit but he does nothing short of adore Audrey and... well, maybe Noah a little, too. Noah likes the flirting, as long as no one gets too close, emotionally. But what will happen when the three of them take it too far?

content : angst, fluff

length : 4k

tags (let me know if you want to be tagged!) : @veronicaphoenix @cookiesupplier @lma1986 @jilliemiw86 @bngurngheart @lacktoesandtoddlerants @narcissisticbehavior81 @flowery-mess @shilohrosechicken @justeli6 @starvingarsyn @floatinglikeaswan @somebodyels3 @kageyasma

a/n : hope you're prepared for a bit of angst, I hope I managed to do it justice because it's definitely the genre I'm least used to, but here we go! enjoy and leave a reblog or a comment and I'll love you forever 🥰💗

•••

day six

I barely slept. One reason was the lingering alcohol in my veins making me so dizzy that closing my eyes seemed like a punishment. The other was the fact that my brain was desperately trying to make sense of everything that had transpired that night. I knew, I was fully aware, that this had been what I’d been wanting in a way. But fantisising about these things and actually going through with them were two entirely different things.

I had kissed Noah. I had kissed Oli. They had kissed each other.

It sounded perfect on paper or in a romance novel that was guaranteed a happy ending, but the more the morning light emerged and hit me through the curtains I’d never closed, the more the reality of it weighed on me. Last night, we had crossed some lines that we’d only been eyeing before. Kissing Oli had felt more intimate than all the stuff we’d gotten up to before. As far as I knew, last night also marked the first time Oli and Noah had gotten that close.

How were we going to behave around each other now? We could go and blame it on the alcohol, but I didn’t think that anyone in this constellation could honestly say that it wouldn’t have happened anyway, at some point in time. The temptation had been lingering between us for days. Maybe longer in some cases.

I turned off the alarm on my phone as it blared through the silent room. It hurt my head. A noisy reminder that life had to go on. That I would have to face both of them, without any idea of how they would react. If they regretted it. If they would pull back now. If everything would change for the worse. Or the worst.

My tired body dragged itself through the motions. Shower. Getting dressed. Packing my stuff. No flattering outfit today, just a pair of sweatpants and a comfortable hoodie.

I didn’t meet anyone in the hallway or the lift or the lobby. A few people were already around in the car park, loading in everyone’s stuff, mingling about, smoking another cigarette. I pulled the hood up into my face. I’d avoided the mirror pretty successfully this morning, but I just knew I looked rough. Some people knew I’d been out with Lia last night and they would no doubt love to get some mocking remarks in about my perceived hangover. I didn’t have the nerves for it.

A glimpse of Noah.

My feet immediately stopped dead in their tracks. It shouldn’t have been so surprising, really. Of course, he would be around sooner or later.

He looked just as beat up as I felt. I wished I knew if it was because of the late night or if he’d stayed up wondering too. He looked at me for a second, face paler than I remembered, dark circles appearing under his eyes, and gave me a wave. No smile, no urge to move toward me, no words, just his hand in the air without much conviction.

I waved back, unsure of how to proceed, but someone patted Noah on the back to get his attention. Free from the burning stare, I got onto the bus. I was armed with a few personal things, when I climbed the stairs and made a beeline for my bunk. There was no noise around me. Either everyone was still getting ready or people were being extremely quiet.

The curtain on Oli’s bunk was drawn shut. I tried hard to remember if he’d left it like that the day before or if it was an indication that he was here already, but I came up short. It didn’t matter, in the end. I slipped into my own bunk and closed the curtain. 

Unless Oli decided to go the route of “pretending nothing at all happened”, he probably wouldn’t talk to me anyway. I’d known him long enough. He was the type to battle things on his own for as long as the world allowed him to, before he would talk to anyone or ask for help. I felt like the three of us had that in common. It wasn’t the greatest mix of people when it came to bumps in the road.

I pushed the thoughts away, just like I ignored the slight lump in my throat that I refused to let grow. Picking up my phone from where it had burrowed in my bunk, I took the plunge to check my regular mails again, something I’d been avoiding since getting on this tour. It held the usual disappointments.

A rejection from a job I’d applied for that would have started right after tour.

A mail from my father which got deleted unseen.

Another rejection.

Spam.

An old employer saying they didn’t have any capacities for me any time soon.

More spam.

A mail from my roommate.

The last one took me by surprise, but the content cleared it up immediately. “Got a new phone, lost your number but found your e-mail address on some junk paper in the kitchen. Call me when you can.” With a groan, I put my phone away again. I didn’t know what this was about, but it couldn’t be good. We both weren’t terribly keen on each other, but it was the only place in London I could find that only had one other person living there instead of four, so it seemed like a good deal. I made a mental note to call her later, without much motivation.

Turning on my side, I snuggled into the relatively comfortable bunk. Exhaustion draped itself over me like a heavy blanket. I fell asleep, the hours awake finally catching up with me, and was granted a dreamless few hours.

•••

When I woke up, the curtain to my bunk was disturbed, not closed all the way anymore and I wondered if I’d moved it in my sleep or if someone had come to check up on me. If it was the latter, it was probably someone trying to figure out if I was actually on the bus or if they’d left me in Manchester by mistake. I thought that wouldn’t be all too bad. However, we had arrived in Glasgow, apparently, and there was work to do. With a heavy sigh, I heaved myself out of my quarters. Time to check in to the hotel, check on Oli, get to the venue, soundcheck, the usual.

I found Oli in the hotel lobby, getting his room key. I quickly waved down another receptionist to get my own, only half-heartedly listening to their introduction to the hotel and then legged it after him, only just managing to make it into the lift before the doors closed. I wasn’t going to take silent treatment for an answer. I’d accepted that kind of behaviour more often than I’d like to admit in my life, I wasn’t going to go down that road with Oli.

The doors closed behind me, leaving the two of us in silence. I mustered him, trying to figure out where we were at, where his mind was, how to approach whatever had shifted between us. He didn’t look overly stressed. Or like he hadn’t slept. But I knew he also had a talent to hide it well. My brain was fumbling over what words to choose when he finally looked at me.

Then, without warning or giving me time to prepare, Oli was on me, kissing me hard and fast, and I couldn’t do anything but wrap my arms around him and reciprocate. I helplessly moaned into his mouth, completely at his mercy, and then the lift dinged and both of us flew apart just as the doors opened to our floor.

I stepped out of the lift ahead of him, momentarily confused as to where to go, the sudden kiss having erased all memories of my room number, but Oli passed me by easily, walking into whatever direction I figured was probably the correct one for me too.

“Oli!” I called after him, but he didn’t stop until he was at the door. I watched as he unlocked it and shoved his suitcase in so it would stay open. “Aren’t we going to talk?”

“What about?” I could practically see the shield he had put up. It was a sight that hadn’t greeted me in years, taking me aback and confusing me. Him being distant, hiding away, not letting me in, not letting me see the real him felt like a punishment. But it was exactly what he was doing, hanging about in the middle of the doorframe, an arrogant look on his face that I knew was nothing but a mask. I hated this side of him as much as it worried me.

“Last night? Starting with the fact that we kissed?”

He cocked his eyebrow at me with a smirk, but it wasn’t honest and it wasn’t reassuring. It was annoying. “Yeah, and? We just did again. Ain’t that what we’d been working towards? Having a little snog? Well, there you go.”

I swallowed my anger at the way he was presenting things, twisting what was happening, downplaying it. It took a deep breath to convince me to stay calm. He was doing this to keep himself from being vulnerable, not to be an arsehole, I tried to remind myself. Unfortuantely, it didn’t help that he sounded and looked every bit like a cunt in that moment.

“What about Noah then? Also just a game to you?”

There was a flicker of something on his face, something that was threatening to break through his facade, but he quickly regained his composure.

“What if it is?”

I didn’t have an answer to that, stunned by the audacity. Both of us knew that he was lying, but he was clinging to his version of things so adamantly it made me want to punch his face. I couldn’t tell where I found the strength to keep myself from doing it. Probably the idea of what this whole mess could do to Noah.

I needed to talk to Noah.

“Right, that it?” Oli asked, apparently bored out of his mind. “If you want a quick fuck, you’re welcome to come in. If not, I’ll see you at soundcheck.”

The door fell into the lock before I could respond. Fucking prick. I thought he had learned, in the past years, I really did, but this just proved that he was a stubborn as ever. With a noise of frustration, I harshly stamped my foot into the carpet underneath, just to rid myself of some of the tension. It didn’t work.

•••

Neither Oli nor Noah were anywhere to be found when I got to the venue. My messages to both of them had somehow gone unread, which frustrated me even more. One of them was supposed to be my boss which made my work impossible. The other didn’t seem like the type to not check his phone which was equal parts weird. It wasn’t until someone tipped me off that at least Noah had been seen getting back to his dressing room that I finally had some success.

Well. Technically, I had twice the success because Oli was leaving the room right as I reached it. I was about to ask him what was going on, why wasn’t he answering my mails, did he really have no need for me today, but he simply nodded in recognition and sauntered past me. One problem after the other, I told myself, knocking and letting myself into Noah’s dressing room.

Noah was sitting on the sofa, cross-legged, looking up at me with wide eyes. I let myself fall onto the cushions next to him, utterly exhausted by the day and it wasn’t even showtime. Without a word, Noah put his arm around me, allowing me to rest my head on his shoulder. The comfort spread through me like a hot cup of tea.

“Are you okay?” I asked simply because I was afraid he would ask me first. “What did Oli want?”

“Just checking if we were okay, I guess,” Noah sighed. I internally scoffed at the fact that he had bothered with Noah but not with me, but I pushed the thought away. “Wanting to make sure I still wanted to Antivist tonight.” He paused for a moment. “Do you know when someone is talking and talking but they’re not actually saying anything? Oli is an expert at that, isn’t he. I have no idea what he thinks about last night. I can’t even pinpoint if I asked.”

“Oli can be all smoke and mirrors and leave you more confused than before you talked to him,” I agreed. “How do you feel about last night?”

I didn’t lift my head. I gave both of us the chance to speak as freely as possible without having to look at each other. The same way the darkness gave you the freedom to reveal your secrets at night when you’re a kid, before you came to regret your honesty the next morning.

Noah’s answer began with a big sigh. “I liked kissing him,” he admitted. “I liked kissing you, too. I liked watching him kiss you. But I’m not…” I allowed him as much time as he needed to find his words. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea for me to get involved… with anyone. I can’t give anyone what they need. I’m away and I don’t talk about my feelings and I’m a terrible partner and-”

I couldn’t help myself as I interrupted his speech, sitting upright and taking his face in my hands to force him to look at me. Even self-doubt looked handsome on him.

“You’re talking about your feelings right now, Noah, and you’re doing just fine.”

His head dropped low, now finding my shoulder as I awkwardly hugged him. The scent of his hair was in my nose and I had to actively stop myself from inhaling loudly. He smelled like comfort, I decided. Noah looked back up as I raked my fingers through his hair.

“What do you want to do now?” I asked, carefully.

“I just know I don’t want to stop kissing you.”

It was all I needed, right then and there. I kissed him with all the intensity, all the desperation, all the need inside of me, all the frustration about Oli, all the feelings I had for him but couldn’t or wouldn’t yet name. His mouth was starting to feel familiar against mine, familiar but never boring in the way it moved, the way he tasted. He held me close, pressing our chests together, my breasts heavy between us, his hands all over me in sweet gestures that still had me burning for more.

Both of us were breathless when we separated, but I couldn’t help peppering a few more kisses to his lips, short and soft but saying it all, until it came to a natural end. The smile on his face, directed solely at me, his brown eyes, so enticing, smiling along, was more than enough.

I didn’t want to stop kissing him either.

•••

Oli kept himself much less approachable. He finally read my message but left me without a reply. I managed to run into him several times before his band’s set, but he more or less sent me away every time, claiming not to need anything at all. Just relax and sit down somewhere, he had told me with a dismissive wave of his hand. He was stubborn, but so was I. The last hour before his stage time, I simply followed him around the arena like a lost puppy, just in case he found a use for me. He didn’t. But I felt stupidly pleased that I didn’t let him get away with whatever game he was trying to play.

Still, I was annoyed and felt the rage simmering inside of me. Oli managed to put on a good show, but I felt like his mind wasn’t quite in the right place. Mine wasn’t either. I quickly spoke to Bring Me’s tour manager when I caught him at the side of the stage, purely to let someone know, before going the long way round and finding myself on the arena floor among the fans. I had been a fan myself, long before I’d been working on tours, and that hadn’t changed, no matter how many I went on. I knew that being in a crowd, surrounding by people, screaming the lyrics and moving to the music, would help me clear my head like nothing else could. Besides, it felt about time I got to witness their show from the perspective of the audience, the very people everything from the setlist to the production to the sound design had been specifically made for.

I squeezed myself into the middle of the crowd, made easier by the amount of movement around me, and took a deep breath that was unfortunately filled with the sweat of people who never learned to use deodorant. It made me move a little further, just until the air was slightly more breathable. And then it felt like home.

I wasn’t Aubrey, personal assistant to Oli anymore and he wasn’t Oli, decade-long friend that turned into the most stubborn person on the planet when faced with his vulnerability anymore. I was nothing more than a fan enjoying the music of one of her favourite bands and getting positively lost in the experience. So I went crazy for Diamonds Aren’t Forever and Parasite Eve, kept my eyes on the screens for Antivist just to catch a glimpse of Noah, getting closer to the front of the stage through a number of moshpits, fought hard not to get emotional for Drown.

The fact that Can You Feel My Heart followed didn’t help. The words travelled through my body, taking hold of me, and I was sure I’d never quite felt them the way I did right then and there. And then…

And then Oli didn’t do the speech. His cheesy ass speech he did in the middle of the song, that he constantly joked about backstage but that I knew was so important to him. And he didn’t do it. Could he not bring himself to say the words? Was he too scared to be vulnerable tonight? Could he not bear the thought of baring his soul like that? Had I made it worse?

I hate to get close, and I hate being alone, I long for that feeling to not feel at all…

The world seemed to close in on me. Oli was being a dickhead, yes, but had I pushed him too far? Had I played his stupid game without taking into account that I knew how much he struggled with allowing that type of intimacy? I had been so preoccupied with my own need for him that I didn’t stop to think if I should check up on him instead of teasing him further and further, allowing him to escalate our friendship into something that could be beyond repair. My head was spinning so hard it made me feel dizzy.

I didn’t notice the moshpit opening up around me until someone crashed into my body, sending me flying to the floor. Someone’s hands were on me, possibly multiple, getting me back on my feet, checking on me. I felt something wet on my face but didn’t think to check, people were shouting at each other over the music, coming to an agreement that someone should get up and crowdsurf to the front where they would get help quicker. Me. They were talking about me. Something dripped onto my eyelid and I wiped it away in annoyance as I got lifted up. Blood? The crowd carried me easily. The song was almost over when a security guard caught me and I briefly looked up to see Oli staring down at me, worried. I wasn’t sure why.

Next thing I knew, I was backstage again, a medic shining a light in my eyes which was awfully annoying, Oli and Noah crouching next to me, being asked questions that were easily answered.

“She’s okay, she probably got a slight concussion, but that will be fine by tomorrow. The cut on her eyebrow is minimal and doesn’t need stitches, it just looks bad because it bled, but that’s stopped which means it’s not too deep. Just make sure it’s kept clean and it should heal just fine.”

“You okay?” Oli asked, carefully grazing his fingertips over my cheek. Awfully soft, really. “I need to get back on stage, but Noah will take you to the dressing room and I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“I’m fine,” I hissed, still high on adrenaline but slowly catching up with what was happening around me. “You don’t need to suddenly care again just because I got injured.”

I could see that my words had hurt him but I didn’t care. Even if my heart pounded heavily. I allowed Noah to help me up and lead me to Oli’s dressing room where he sat me down on the sofa and inspected my wound.

“Do I look sexy all bloody?”

The laugh erupted from his throat out of nowhere. “The medic cleaned you up, but sure, very sexy.”

Silence settled over us as I leaned against his side. The exhaustion of the whole day was washing over me and I was suddenly glad for a little peace and quiet. Neither of us spoke again, simply enjoying the physical contact, until it got louder again from outside the door and we knew the concert had ended.

“Done with your ego trip, then?” I asked as Oli entered the room. He had the decency to look ashamed which I thought was a step forward.

“Never,” he mumbled, but there was no malice in his voice. I raised my eyebrow at him, which shot a dose of pain through my head. My wince softened him immediately. Idiot. “I’m sorry you got hurt. That shouldn’t have happened.”

I genuinely couldn’t tell if he was talking about my mosh pit incident or…

“I guess some people just need to be a little more careful with those around them. Just because they didn’t mean to doesn’t mean other people don’t end up with a headache.”

“You know, some people try very hard, but they’re also very slow learners.”

“I feel like there’s a metaphor here that’s flying right over my head,” Noah interrupted and I couldn’t help but laugh, pressing a short kiss to his temple. Poor Noah, having no idea what he was getting dragged into with Oli and me, but taking it in his stride that neither of us was willing to let him go unless he genuinely asked for it.

I reached my hand out to Oli, deciding to be the bigger person despite knowing that it wasn’t on me to make that first step, but I was impatient and Oli would take forever to be brave enough to come crawling back. “I’m not saying this is over or that we don’t have things to talk about, but as long as you stop pretending to be this cruel and heartless version of you, you’re allowed back into the cuddle pile.”

Oli didn’t take my hand immediately, but looked at Noah, as if checking in with him if he was of the same opinion. I decided to give him credit for it. Noah nodded and in an instant, Oli had draped himself over both our laps, hot to the touch and rather sweaty. The tension between the three of us hadn’t vanished, but it had lessened. Questions remained unanswered and discussions were still to be had but maybe Oli wasn’t the only one reluctant to dive into the deep end.

He mouthed sorry, Aubrey at me and I hated the way my heart melted and my resolve slipped. Then Noah softly stroked his hair and I was sure that some other hearts in this room were melting just the same. I couldn’t help it. I was in love with the mess we were creating.

[pynkhues]

You're so right that there's nothing the show can do to make certain parts of the fandom care about Lestat's trauma. They are people who say they'll be watching season 3 because they want to see Lestat suffering and they can't wait for Akasha to punish Lestat for abusing Louis and Claudia. I knew going into tags was a mistake but I've seen a post saying that Lestat will try to do to Louis and Claudia what Johnny Depp did to Amber Heard, try to paint them as liars and himself as their victim. I have no words. Comparing a real-life victim of domestic abuse and public humiliation to a vampire pimp (and they are so mad at the possibility of Louis owning the strip club too haha) is sure a choice!

The sheer amount of mental gymnastics they perform to keep their headcanons of Lestat as a racist domestic abuser and Louis as his helpless victim is astounding. Some of it has to be a femdom fetish but instead of owning up to it they act morally superior and pretend that they care about victim of domestic abuse, when posts like these make it very clear that they don't. I know you got hate before for speaking about this subject so I understand if you don't want to anymore. But the flat out refusal to engage with the reality of the show is baffling to me.

(x)

I mean, honestly, for me, the curtain fell down around the idea that certain people in this fandom actually cared about DV when I got anons sending me my sister's personal information - a real person, who was escaping a real DV relationship - literally days after I'd posted about us being in court for her divorce. They were stalking my blog enough to know what she was going through, but were more willing to invade her (and her children's) privacy and threaten to cause her further trauma while she was literally facing her abuser in court, because of what ? Fictional characters?

I don't think all of them are that extreme, of course - I think the doxxers in this fandom are an ugly, sad minority (although the fact that their behaviour has escalated so hideously even in the last week is awful, and what they've done has been such a violation to those they've targeted) - but I think the rhetoric of connecting real life cases to characters in this instance (especially a case as insidious and misogynistic as Depp v Heard) shows an utter disconnect from reality. On top of that, I think it's a really clear example of how the way everything becoming 'content' has dilutied media literacy, nuance and fuck, the most basic understanding of the difference between art, opinion and news. It's scary in a lot of ways, and well, I try to keep these conversations to my real life, not my fandom one, so I'll leave that there, haha.

But yeah, I mean, the fact that there is such a rejection of this idea that Lestat could have any interiority or past experiences that, no, don't justify his behaviour - nothing can justify his abuse, of course it can't - but explain it, and this feeling that his apology doesn't mean anything is a pretty sad way to approach storytelling, but maybe life too? I don't know, I like to believe in redemption, because God, otherwise what's the fucking point of anything?

I feel like I'm running the gamut a bit here topic wise, haha, but I will add that I think a part of this rejection of Lestat as a victim-survivor and as a character who's experienced immense trauma is rooted in the gothic heroine discourse that's really deeply seeded in this fandom. I think some people have known that the dynamics will shift dramatically, and while I don't think Lestat's a gothic heroine personally, he does fall more neatly into the tropes than Louis has and likely will going forwards, particularly in TVL and QOTD, and I suspect part of the rejection of Lestat's trauma is about trying to salt the earth for this particular thinking in the fandom going forwards, and holding to a particular picture of Louis that I can understand has resonated (even if I personally don't see him that way), but was never going to hold long-term across the series.

Louis has to grow out of his trauma and experiences to work as a character, Lestat, tragically, kind of can't to make future storylines work long term. That's just the nature of adapting this series, and I understand the rejection of it, but at the same time, it's what it is, y'know? This is the story that's being told, and I can appreciate grieving the story you thought you were watching, but that shouldn't make you tear down the reality of what it was that you are.

[losech]

So I have a Mountian Feist mix and want to start squrill hunting. I don't know how to use a gun or shoot, I'm not ever sure I would be able to kill a squirrel tbh. But if I were to learn to shoot a gun and kill squrills. What should I train my dog to do? does the retrieve them as well or only find them?

i was just wondering if you could do a post on what exactly your dogs do for you while hunting and how you trained them.

Check your local regulations on squirrel hunting with dogs. It's not explicitly addressed everywhere, so you might need to call or email the DNR in order to get a solid answer. Squirrel is a pretty popular came though, so it will most likely have a section in the general regulations.

Next find a hunter's ed course nearby. Most of them are pretty basic, but they are usually open to answering questions about firearms and how to use them, and the courses are geared so children can pass. They have a field day where you actually use a firearm too. They are not difficult, so don't be intimidated. You will need a hunter's ed card in order to get a license anyways.

If you can, find a squirrel hunter in your area who will let you tag along. Most are pretty welcoming to new hunters. If you are on facebook, just search for your state/region and "squirrel dogs" or "squirrel hunting" and there is most likely a group you can join and ask in.

Anyways, I am literally just taking an armed walk with my dogs in the woods. The dogs will find a squirrel, put it up a tree, bark at it, and I shoot it. Depending on which dog I'm hunting I might see them for most of the hunt or they might be out of sight often, they each hunt differently. I do try to keep them within about 150 yards though, I hunt in some thick swampy areas and I don't particularly like trudging through that for a squirrel that ended up getting into a hole because I took so long to get there.

I don't do anything particularly complicated when training a dog. I do work on recall first, this is extremely important to me since I hunt on small tracts of land and do not want my dogs going onto private. I do not teach all the stuff bird hunters do, and I do not train my dogs on caged game.

If your dog has never been around gunfire, you can try taking them to a range to see how they react. Keep your distance at first and give them lots of praise and reward when someone shoots. If you go with a friend, start with something small like a .22, or a smaller gauge shotgun. I have never done this though, I just take my dog out and when they get their first good tree, I tie them to a smaller one in case they get startled, and shoot the squirrel. I immediately give it to them and I've not had a gunshy dog yet.

I try to put that dog where I know there's squirrels, so scouting out an area first is a good idea. Once the dog finds and chases a squirrel, I encourage them to bark at it if they aren't already. Don't shoot if they aren't barking unless you want a dog that doesn't bark on the tree. Lots of praise for finding that squirrel, even if they don't tree it. You want them to understand that squirrels are what you're after so encourage tracking, chasing, and treeing. If the dog goes after something you don't want to hunt, call them off and keep looking for squirrels. This is where the recall comes in handy, my dogs are trained to recall to the tone on the GPS collar so I don't have to yell if they're far away.

The best re enforcer for hunting squirrels is shooting one to the dog. You won't always get to do that right away, sometimes you need to work on the dog focusing on finding squirrels for a while. It might take a few trips, or an entire season, for it to click. Just keep getting out there and eventually everything that you need to happen will and you'll get that first squirrel down to your dog. You can use aids like skins and scents, but I just train on wild game, and I like to watch a dog figure it out.

I do not train my dogs to retrieve the squirrel, but that is a very handy thing if the squirrel lands in some thick or thorny brush. Ember's breeder trains his dogs to take it back to the truck. He does something called roading where the dog runs ahead of the truck. I do not hunt this way as I prefer to walk trails and there is nowhere to safely road my dogs here.

It seems intimidating to get started, and I know it was to me the first time I tried it, but once I'd been doing it for a bit, it wasn't much different from hiking. I just had a gun and went off trail more and sometimes came home with dinner.