#I see elements of their love and dynamic everywhere guys; irl and in other shows and stories

[danwhobrowses]

My dear Critters and Callowmoores, Divergence has had its beautiful ending and thus, only the Wrap Up Party remains. The Wrap Up will officially close the book on Campaign 3 as a whole and frankly, I'm still not ready for it. If I'm honest, a lot of that unreadiness is from being nervous, because it's the last chance until the next one shot of Bell's Hells - whenever that'll be - for there to be catharsis for my beloved ship, Callowmoore.

Now, I'm not foolish enough to expect that a question or a discussion about it is guaranteed to show up - even if I do pluck up the courage to submit a question myself - and I'm not parasocially demanding that it's owed to us to be brought up either. I'm just hoping it will, but in this case 'hope' is less in the context of being confident and more in the context of being wishful - especially since even if a question is asked the answer can still risk being unsatisfying.

In the month since the finale my feelings about the ship's vague outcome hasn't really gotten better, I think LaterKaterSays said it best in their post about how we didn't get that 'shiny golden ending' - that feeling of vindication that proves that our support was not for naught, that it's real and intended and will serve as a comfort to get through the days after C3's end - but it was a little more than just that which left me a little forlorn. The finale already had us go through a lot; we had to endure Ashton dying - after it felt like everyone was finally safe - with a visibly distraught Fearne being their last embrace before their sacrifice, and then when they fell from the sky we watched Matt decide that a Nat 20 and a +1 Gust assist from Orym isn't enough for Shoebill!Fearne to catch Ashton like she wanted (but enough for Chetney at the same speed to push through a crowd and get underneath them for the Banish) and her desperate demand that the Kryn give her a beacon - all while holding Ashton's lifeless body in her arms - is brushed off without even a potential roll to try and sway the Bright Queen. Then, after Ashton comes back to life, after both of them become visibly altered in the aftermath of the god matter, and after all the other Hells and side characters get their time for their own stuff, we finally get back around to them and their last interaction's resolution is left up in the air. Every other ship gets to run, fly, and gallop off into the sunset - and I am truly happy for them, don't mistake this as me saying that they don't deserve it - and we're just left waiting, wanting, and wishing we could join them.

And then the next week is Valentine's Day.

One of the main times of the year in every fandom for a ship tag to flourish with art, writing, and overall positive content, and ours just, doesn't, not to the same extent. It feels like we're all holding our breath, holding our headcanons and creative ideas close out of fear that we'll curse or jinx it by letting it out. And I know Tal and Ashley - who I still admire greatly - didn't intend for this to be the reaction, but I think a lot of us riding into the finale were feeling hopeful, in the confident context, that things would work out and our patience would be rewarded, but then over 9 hours later, it wasn't; instead we're left reeling by a series of gut punches, nearly moments, and vagueness at the end of the tunnel.

I know that not everyone sees it this way, and there are those who are simply content or are able to lean on their other, more beloved ships for comfort - which, again, is not in any shape or form a problem or a slight if you do - but for me personally, I don't have that. This IS my number one CR ship, this is my comfort ship, and I know I made a post after the finale saying that we shouldn't sink into despair - and I do still mean every word - but as a result, this last month has been kinda rough on me emotionally. For someone who has used tumblr to do reviews and critiques, when it comes to my personal feelings I really do hate complaining - people are facing far worse problems and have far more legitimate reasons to be upset than I do after all - but I can't deny that since the finale I've felt less motivated for pretty much anything, everything just feels a little less than it used to - like a fire in me has been dimmed - and I keep looping back in my mind fearing that I missed something to explain why we didn't get the moment we wanted and could just live in forever, and I don't find it; every time I think back to their moments together I can't see anything less than the fact that these two characters love each other, that they understand each other on a level no-one else does, and, as they've already admitted to each other, they have the best time of their lives when they're together.

I know we each have our perspectives on where things go from here, and what suits them best, and yes, infinite possibilities does have its merits in this regard, but those possibilities also include bad ones that I could do without intrusively crossing my mind; I don't like fearing that Fearne will put off thinking about it, or that she won't be honest about her feelings and decides to settle for less, I also don't like feeling like this is the nervous energy we'll have to carry with us until whenever we see them next. Granted, if we do end up having to wait until the currently-unconfirmed reunion one shot with this uncertainty I Will Wait, you best believe that I will wait, but obviously I don't want to - nobody likes being persistently anxious after all, especially in places of comfort, and we've already waited a long time as it is.

If a question does get asked about it or the matter is brought up by the cast, I think all that those like me really need is assurance. Confirmation that Yes, Fearne thought about it and she didn't change her mind - that would honestly be enough. It still means the possibilities are endless, but they'll all be good possibilities that feed and encourage us to create and gush and flourish without the shadow of doubt. I have absolutely no right to ask, because in the end it's not about me, but I don't think that's asking for much; it's, after all, nothing as elaborate as retconning a hag pact that promised eternal service, or something as fantastical as bringing mortality back to an undead PC, much less doing it twice. But for those wondering what I am wishful for, that is it: that's all that I wish to get from the wrap up and that's all that I'm hoping for, and on Friday morning when I get to check it out before -and likely during - the start of my shift, I hope with all my heart that this wish will have come true.