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okkotsuus · 4 months ago

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"WE HUG NOW" ー taro sakamoto 🪽

features: taro sakamoto (sakamoto days)

contents: assassin!reader, one-sided pining, angst, heartbreak, implied trauma, injuries, depictions of wounds, mentions of blood, very mild gore warning, kind of implied self-harm/self-destructive behavior, tailing, insecurity, songfic, 1.9k words.

notes: this actually came to me in a dream and then i had a batshit crazy one after, oh and i'm still reading the manga so no spoilers pls... blaming @17020 because mimi got me into sakadays and now i'm a little hooked.

taro sakamoto was the world's legendary assassin, he was the best at everything there was: like some sort of god amongst men. everyone loved him, and if they didn't love him: they feared him.

no one was ever fully able to reach him, or even keep up with him. no one except nagumo, rion, and you.

if sakamoto was placed on a mission, even if it was solo, somehow you were always 'in the area.' whether it be okinawa or shibuya: you just happened to be there.

at first, taro thought nothing of it. you were his friend, and you always managed to make any hit run smoother with that sharp wit you were requested for. it was mutualism, scratch sakamoto's back and he'll scract yours.

eventually, it began to grow into something more.

neither of you noticed it; and if you did, you kept quiet about it.

little things began to happen, things like sakamoto keeping a change of clothes for you in his go-bag. or having your preferred mm of ammunition to go with your favorite gun.

the two of you existed in this weird sort-of in between space.

you weren't lovers; but you were certainly more than friends.

only you knew the code to get into his gun safe, and only he knew how to get past the security system outside your apartment.

assassins don't let people in.

it's an unspoken rule of the job.

one you broke.

it all happened one night, when you and taro were both scraped up from a rough mission to assassinate the head of the yamaguchi family.

wordlessly, you were both splayed over a motel bed, not even under the sheets as both of your eyes remained locked onto the swirling ceiling fan.

"why did you let that one grunt get a shot on you, y/n? you're better than that." his voice rumbled, tone non-commitant despite the obvious lacing of worry in his words.

sakamoto has always cared about those dear to him, maybe more than he should.

he always had let rion talk about anything that interested her, played along with nagumo's tricks. he was a good man, assassin or not.

so, when you don't answer, his head lolls to the side to see if you had even heard him in the first place. and brown eyes widen, just barely perceptibly at the hollow stare e/c irises give him.

"i always let myself get hurt on a hit. it's how i atone for the lives i take."

the words echo between the two of you, they make silver brows furrow and thin lips draw flat.

he doesn't speak, so you look away, head turning to make interest of the chipping paint on the smoke-stained walls.

a grazing of fingertips over the torn fabric of your jeans sends your body moving before you can even think. cheap lobby pen pressed against sakamoto's carotid as your weight pins his hips down to the shitty matress below.

taro doesn't even move, not trying to shove you away. he just lays there, limp boned and pliant.

lithe fingers find themselves in the skin on the side of your thigh with an audible squelch. it hurts, feeling him root around in your flesh: but any assassin could take a little pain. his intrusion into your wound is gone as he pulls a 9mm luger from you and tosses it haphazardly onto the carpet.

you don't know what to think, what to do. so you remain atop his form, ballpoint still just barely poking at the skin beneath his jaw. you can see the way his pulse makes the pen dig deeper before it falls once more.

and he's just letting you do all this.

not a single muscle in his body has made any move to resist you.

when he so easily could.

it has your brows raising back to normal, e/c eyes rounding in curiosity.

sakamoto wipes his bloodied fingers on his shirt before tearing the hem of it to wrap it around your thigh, tying it off in a messy knot.

your makeshift weapon fall from your fingers, "why are you doing this, taro?" he hums, fingers drumming against the shitty box spring you have him against.

"you shouldn't hurt yourself, it's not good." he drawls, eyes finally finding your own as he stared up at you in a way that sends your stomach twisting. "can't let the world think my partner's getting weak."

god, you know he doesn't mean it that way.

he means it because you two work together, because he lets you tag along on his missions.

but some selfish, foolish part of you eats it up: the definition you want it to have, that the two of you are really something more.

dumbly, you nod, sitting back and rolling off of him.

"okay, i won't." he's satisfied, turning onto his side with a grunt, broad back facing you.

within a few minutes, he's softly snoring, as if he hadn't just sent your carefully constructed world toppling asunder.

you don't sleep that night.

or many others, for that matter.

all you want is to think he meant that the way you thought he did, even though you know it is the furthest thing from the truth.

assassins don't fall in love.

it seems like you're a pretty shitty one, then.

nothing ever changes, a part of you so deeply repressed is too scared to be the one jumping into the unknown.

that awkward space you had always been in with sakamoto remains. too far to be just friends, but just too far from being lovers.

he makes it hard. unbearably so.

taro is a kind man: he remembers anything you tell him, he keeps his apartment stocked with your snacks, he doesn't let you leave on a mission without saying goodbye (once you forgot and he showed up on the roof of your car).

then, one day, he goes on a mission while you were stuck in a stealth operative on the northern coast. normally, he finishes a hit quick and comes by your apartment after with some shitty takeout and MREs: which he seems to prefer, for whatever unknowable reason.

but, this time, you have to find him.

he's not at his place, not at the JAA, not with nagumo.

you worry about him, for possibly the first time in the years you had known each other. sakamoto is japan's best, everyone had some sort of interest in having him gone. no one had succeeded; hell, no one had gotten close.

what if today they did?

the thought has an indescribable ache burning under your ribs.

it punch in his code and lock the door behind yourself, sat on his couch, and felt tears burn at your eyes for the first time in god knows how long.

he comes home at around 1:32am, doesn't even acknowledge your presence as he shrugs off his coat; even though you know he can see you. his hands are empty, except for a convenience store bag.

sakamoto doesn't eat anything other than MREs, unless it's the fancy dinner provided at order meetings. he certainly doesn't eat junk food and snacks.

"you hungry, taro?" the words come out more fragile than you intend, but he doesn't speak on it. the man shakes his head, holding up his bag as he comes to sit on the couch next to you, tearing into a wafer bar and crunching at it.

it's upsetting, how he won't even look at you, how he doesn't even dignify answering you with words.

"i thought you hated pre-packaged foods..," you mumble, brows furrowing. he pauses for the briefest moment, mid-bite. "the girl at the register said they were good," he speaks.

oh.

that's a weird feeling. one you don't think you've ever quite felt from something sakamoto has said to you.

it goes away when he hands you a pack of your favorite chips from the bag. 'probably why he went in, in the first place,' you think, as if to soothe yourself.

even as you tear into them, there's a lingering sting in your nose, almost like burning.

it never quite fully goes away.

taro sakamoto rarely goes out for the sake of it, much less alone.

so why is he leaving in the middle of the day?

you catch him as you're coming back from a mission, his favorite MRE from the association and some chinese takeaway for yourself. he doesn't look at you, standing on a nearby rooftop and watching in a baffled curiosity.

in a selfish moment, you follow, out of sight.

and you see him meet a girl.

a girl who looked so normal, so soft. not a single bone in her body was dangerous, her gaze never hardened past annoyance. she was so utterly everything that you weren't.

because she wasn't an assassin.

at first, you're angry: furious, even.

you think he's so stupid, choosing a weak woman knowing exactly what happens to people in his line of work. how could he, when you had been standing there waiting for so long?

but when you see the gentleness in the way he touches her arm, like he knows he can break her and it's the last thing he would ever want: it's hard to stay angry.

because she's beautiful and kind and so gloriously normal.

you lose your food on some random roof as you leave. the wind friction from how fast you're moving has tears forming in your eyes, or maybe they were from something else.

sakamoto doesn't seek you out. he doesn't hunt you down when you go on a mission without saying goodbye first. he doesn't show up on your doorstep with food after his hits. he doesn't bandage your wounds when the guilt gets to you and you let your target land a blow.

it doesn't surprise you when he retires.

since he met her, it had only been a matter of time.

you don't plead with him like nagumo does, you don't accept all the offers people make you for his head, you don't ever try to find him: even though he makes it so painfully easy to.

how could you?

he was happy, surely. and you weren't selfish enough to risk ruining it.

sakamoto always got everything he wanted, whether it be fame, money, power, or even his eventual family life. while you got stuck with the weight of what could've been, of everything that you let slip between your fingers because you were just too damn scared.

to him, your friendship was just a small thing that happened in his past as a hitman. to you, when it ended: so did the world with it.

⚜️ ㅤ okkotsuus ㅤ 25

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solariawhispers · 14 days ago

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˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗ Illumi Zoldyck NSFW Alphabet ˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

a/n: this took me a very long time to write and i nearly thought i wouldn't be able to finish... big shoutout to my gorgeous beautiful friends who encouraged me and helped me!

also, I'm writing it from my phone so idk how the layout is gonna look on computer... my apologies if it looks bad :P

warnings: smut, not readproof. mdni!!!

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵︵‿୨♡୧

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

The concept of aftercare is still foreign to Illumi. He will hold you in his arms, tightly and quietly, but if you want some water or a snack, you will have to ask. Surely, he will be more than glad to cater to your requests.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Illumi's favorite part of himself is... his hair. He puts effort into growing it and taking care of it, he knows that it draws attention and he also knows that you like it, an additional reason for him to take care of his long strands.

His favorite part of your body is your mouth. You use your mouth to say kind and sweet things to him, to smile at him, to kiss him, to moan for him when he's fucking you just how you want it. And of course, your mouth looks particularly beautiful wrapped around his cock, sucking him off and pleasuring him so devotedly.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

Illumi has a lot of outdated ideas about sex. Therefore, he thinks that he should always cum inside, no questions. It's exactly how nature wants it, so there's no reason to go against it, right? But once you insist and tell him that it would turn you on so much if he came all over your face/body, he obliges. He learns a lot of things with you!

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Illumi will never admit it, but he would love to be used by you, to see you completely horny and hungry for him. It's the biggest proof that you desire him, that you want him. Kiss him hard, bite his neck and whisper in his ear how wet he gets you. Push him onto the bed and fuck him good, dig your nails in his chest and moan the most lewd stuff out loud and boom, Illumi is wrapped around your finger!

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

One would say that Illumi is inexperienced because for the Zoldycks, casual relationships aren't a thing and the men of the family aren't going to waste their seed with any woman out there. That's the partial truth. But mainly, Illumi is inexperienced simply because he doesn't really care about sex. We're gonna talk about it later.

It changed after he met you, and he's getting used to it, he enjoys it. In fact, when Illumi made up his mind about you (because you were destined to be his whether you liked it or not) he knew that sex would be an important part of your relationship, so he educated himself on the feminine body and ways to give pleasure to a woman.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Usually, Illumi goes for missionary: simple, traditional, practical. But he really likes to see you on top. You look so beautiful riding his cock, your hands on his chest and your face flushed, the cute moans and sighs you make, because he is the one making you feel so good.

Being on top doesn't mean that you're in charge, though. Illumi will hold you by the hips and pound into you until you reached your limit.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

Absolutely serious, oh please. It took him a dreadful time to open up to love, to intimacy, to you. Sex is a sacred ritual to him, especially if there is a special occasion going on, like your wedding night or an anniversary. Don't you dare laughing or joking in a moment like this.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He is very well groomed, his body naturally has little hair so Illumi has all the rest waxed off. It's that same old-fashioned idea of "hygiene", and he expects you to do the same.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Illumi is pretty... intense. He has his eyes on you all the time, analyzing your every reaction, microexpression, every sound you make. If your cunt squeezes him in a different way, he will investigate why, and it might turn you into an overstimulated mess until he figured it out.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Jacking off is not really his thing. Why would he do it when he has you? And Illumi is a very self-controlled man, if he's away on a mission and gets horny, he can suppress it until he goes back home to you, but brace yourself for a long and intense night.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

He is not the most self-aware guy around the block, and it's the same with his kinks. You're the one who perceives what he likes. His breeding kink is visible in his obsession with cumming inside you. You notice his size kink right in the way he only buys you low heels, he likes you small and needing his protection. He also has a praise kink, blushing hard every time you praise him, during sex or not.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

The bedroom, obviously. As I said, Illumi is quite old-fashioned when it comes to sex, and he doesn't see a reason to fuck you somewhere else if not in the privacy of your shared sanctuary. There's also the bathroom, where a bath/shower together leads to sex eventually.

If you're traveling with him somewhere, he will take you back to the hotel and satiate his hunger for you. If you're at a restaurant or simply going out with him, he will wait until it's time to go home, or cancel everything to go home immediately if he's too needy for you.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Illumi likes it when you put in the effort to seduce him. So lacy lingerie, a thin and revealing silk gown, a new perfume, the way you do your hair and your makeup, or even if you're simply undressed but being blunt about his desire for him, it's such a turn on.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

He's definitely not going to share you. If you ever fantasized about a threesome, forget it. You're his. Also, Illumi would never give you too much control. Don't expect him to let you tie him up or blindfold him, allowing you to be on top and chase your own pleasure is already enough.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Obviously, he enjoys both, but giving comes easier to him. It's far easier for Illumi to simply kneel in front of you, put your leg on his shoulder, remove whatever piece of clothing is in the way and start eating. It makes him feel so relaxed, being with his head buried between the warmth and softness of your thighs, hearing the lovely wet sounds of your pussy and your sweet mewls. Eating your pussy is his safe space!

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

I'd say that Illumi is rough and sensual at the same time. You're a delicate, exquisite porcelain little thing in his hands so he is careful. And yet, his desire for you consumes him, he never has enough of you. He wants more, more of your moans, more of the faces you make, more of your pussy around him.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Quickies are pointless to Illumi. He wants to take his time with you, he wants to fuck you in the comfort of your bed. But if you're really needy, he will give you what you want.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Illumi prefers what's known, comfortable, tangible. So no, no risks. Don't even bother bringing up a cheap magazine article about having sex in a risky place to spice up the relationship, he won't listen. All you can get is a new sex position, only if it's not too complicated.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

If you think you can make Illumi Zoldyck exhausted after sex, think again! This man is a machine. He lasts long and can go many rounds, if he wants to fuck you all night long, he will fuck you all night long.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

No toys, not for him and neither for you. Again, he has an outdated mentality, Illumi is the kind of man who thinks that if his woman owns a toy, she won't need him anymore.

However, one day Illumi comes back home from a mission without telling you, as a surprise, and he is mesmerized with the sight of you using a clit sucker and moaning his name while burying your nose in one of his shirts. <3

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Many would say that Illumi likes to tease to punish you, that's not true. In fact, Illumi never punishes you (and you're not crazy enough to fuck up and test his patience), even in an hypothetical yandere scenario, he finds your antics adorable and endearing. So he likes to tease because he wants to take his sweet time with you, he wants unhurried sex with you, to use his six senses while making love.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Almost inaudible. All you get from him are breathy gasps and soft little grunts. If you play your cards right, he might let some strangled moans slip out.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

It's a common idea that Illumi had a crush on Elvira Mistress of Evil when he was younger. Actually, he had a thing for Fran Fine!

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

20 cm. Rosy pink tip. Slightly curved to the right, very subtly.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Quite low, actually. You're the one who has to initiate sex with Illumi, and it made you stay up many nights wondering if he didn't desire you. Soon you learned that Illumi didn't grow up with a normal, healthy life and he was taught that everything that wasn't helpful for the family's business was just a liability; it was a slow process to teach him that not everything needs a purpose. But when he thinks it's time to have an heir, he won't leave you alone! :3

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Rarely. Illumi stays awake until you're asleep, and he will stay awake watching you sleep, he will only drift off if he wants to. Most of the time, he falls asleep once he's satisfied of looking at you. <3

︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵︵‿୨♡୧

#solaria.txt #illumi zoldyck #hxh illumi #illumi #illumi x reader #illumi x y/n #illumi x you #hunter x hunter #hxh #hxh 2011 #hxh fanfic #hxh smut

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bisexualbrainrots · 6 months ago

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part 2 of the louliver fic inspired by this ask from cj's page and fuck, why was this so long I- anyways, enjoy y'all

“When you said you wanted to draw me I didn’t expect you to drag it out this long”

Lou looked up from his chair, and chuckled at the bored expression in Oliver’s face “It hasn’t been that long, c’mon”

Oliver arched an eyebrow and pointed at the clock “It’s been exactly an hour since you started… also, I’m kind of cold in here” he wiggled his hips on the couch, making Lou smile.

“Well, that’s what happens in nude modeling, Oliver”

Oliver scoffed but went back to his original pose, resting his head on his forearms, slightly flexing them, with one of his legs bent high enough to cover his crotch from Lou’s view. He wouldn’t admit it but he really liked it, he liked the way in which Lou studied him, his eyes focusing on different areas of his body at a time before going back to the page.

“If this isn’t going to be one of your best works then I’m sorry but you’ve wasted a good hour where you could’ve fucked me into oblivion”

Lou snorted a laugh, without taking his eyes away from the sketch “Perfection takes time, Oli ” he smirked, knowing the younger was watching him “Besides, you already came before I pulled the charcoal, it’s how I got you to agree to this”

Lou shifted in his seat, remembering the way the younger had come down his throat, leaning against the kitchen island.

Oliver laughed, his chest shaking a little “And it fucking worked, remind me not to listen to you after you’ve gotten me off Lou”

It was not really that surprising the amount of things both men could agree to after coming, given that sex between them was nothing less than extraordinary. They would end up dazed, no thoughts on their heads but the wave of pleasure that just washed over them, which in most cases tended to be intense.

Months of sex could do that to you, especially when it was as exploratory as theirs.

They had gotten to know each other’s bodies well enough to hit those spots that would make them see stars, that would make them lose themselves to ecstasy and not stop until they reached the finishing line.

Lou gave one last brush with his thumb to the paper, the finishing touches done and he hummed, pleased with the end result “Okay, I’m done, you can stop your whining and get dressed… or not ” he looked at him as he grabbed a cloth to clean his hands, carrying that playful smirk Oliver had gotten to know over the last months.

Oliver sighed with content “Finally” he sat on the couch, leaning towards the older “Can I get a peak then?, seeing as I’m probably the only one would get to watch this”

Lou rolled his eyes but gave him a small smile “Okay, get in here” he watched carefully as the younger approached the armrest, and before he could sit and watch he spoke “Look, I’m my worst critic, so I don’t think it’s perfect but… here it is”

He didn’t expect for Oliver to lose his breath as he took in the drawing, brushing it with his fingers, enchanted by it “This… this is really good Lou” he looked up at the older, biting his lower lip before speaking “Is-is this how you see me?”

Oliver did look good, really good. Lou captured everything, from the fluffy curls on his head to the definition in his muscles. The shading made it almost look like a filtered photograph, you could still tell it was a drawing but it was impressive how stuck to reality it was for the most part.

Oliver’s face in the sketch looked angelic, his eyes soft as they were looking at the front, it was a bit eerie since it looked like he was staring into you. He was gorgeous though, his lips looking plump and his birthmark adorning his face. Oliver couldn't believe it.

He looked perfect.

Lou cleared his throat suddenly nervous “Well, yeah I guess, I mean I tried to make this as realistically as possible, I don't usually get to practice this style that mu—” his rambling couldn't continue thanks to Oliver's lips on his, accompanied by his hand that was cupping his face.

Lou closed his eyes and gave into the kiss. It was sweeter than most, it almost reminded him of their first kiss, when they rehearsed for their scene on the show.

When they stopped he was breathless, staring into the younger's eyes and almost moaning at the way his pupils had overpowered the blue.

“C’mere” he said, carefully placing the sketch on the coffee table before grabbing Oliver's hips, making him straddle his lap.

Oliver squeaked at the strength, giggling when he had Lou's hands all over him, and started trading kisses along the older's cheek and neck. He nipped at the earlobe, giving it a lick “I looked really fucking good, Jesus , how the fuck did you do that Lou?” he whispered in his ear.

Lou groaned when he felt Oliver grinding on him and kneaded his asscheeks, getting one his fingers closer to the rim “I just… I have a lot of practice, you know?”

Oliver shivered when he felt Lou's digit stimulating his entrance and demanded him to put it inside quickly. This got him a strong spank that made him whimper.

Lou took the finger out and brought it along with other two to Oliver's lower lip “Coat them well if you want me to fuck you, Oliver” the younger moaned and welcomed the digits immediately, licking and drooling onto them like they were Lou's actual cock.

Lou cooed, complimenting the way in which the younger sucked off his fingers, his other hand playing with Oliver's curls. Oliver closed his eyes, putting on a little show for the older, whom he knew was going to be looking at him intensely.

When Lou had decided it was enough he took them out and slid one finger into Oliver's hole, making the younger squirm and hold himself by the older's shoulders.

He slowly started to open him up, sliding in and out his finger until he could see the way Oliver was looking for more. A second digit was added and Oliver started moaning louder, hiding his face in the crook of Lou's neck.

When it was time for the third finger the younger was sobbing, tears streaming down his face as pleasure overtook him.

When Lou found Oliver's prostate the other jolted and cursed loudly, rolling his hips to get more of Lou's thick fingers “Yeah that's it, ride my fingers Oli , c'mon, fuck yourself with them” the older's voice reached a new low that surprised the younger and made him lean back enough so that their noses were brushing.

“Fuck, Lou… fuckin’ hell” he gasped against the older's lips, their hot breath mingling together. Oliver groaned and joined their foreheads “Fuck me, please Lou just fuck me now, ah ”

Lou took the younger's mouth and slid his tongue in, kissing him passionately as his fingers started to slow down, receiving a loud complaint from Oliver. He continued the kiss as he took hold of Oliver's ass and lifted both of them from the chair, leading them to the couch with him on top of the younger.

Lou held Oliver's wrists and lifted them over the younger's head, grinding against him. He separated from the kiss and started trading some along Oliver's neck, receiving sighs and encouragements from him.

“Why am I the only one still clothed here, Lou? ah yeah, there , t-take those damn shorts off”

Lou chuckled against Oliver's neck and gave him a gentle bite, which made the younger squirm “I’m sorry, your royal highness, but I don't answer to mean”

“You like it when I'm mean”

Lou rolled his eyes and groaned, letting his hold on the younger's wrists go and allowing Oliver to undress him “I do, I also like it when you're needy which I recall you were when you begged me to fuck you” his impression of the younger got him a twist on his nipples and he laughed, letting all his clothes fall to the floor with the help of Oliver.

When he was naked he looked between the cushions and cheered when he found the lube, receiving a mockery from the younger.

“You’re such a dork Lou”

“A dork that will pound you into the couch in the next minute or so, so we better get you ready” he chuckled as he poured some lube on his fingers and slid them inside Oliver, who squirmed at the feeling.

It only took a couple of thrusts with his fingers to get Oliver ready, which both men secretly thanked as Lou took a cushion and placed it under the younger's hips.

Oliver got another cushion to rest his head in and locked eyes with Lou as he lined himself in his entrance. He gasped, breathless as the tip entered and closed his eyes shut the more inches slipped in “W-why did you have to be so big Lou?” he grabbed onto the older's biceps, sinking his nails in.

Lou chuckled “You ask yourself that and I'm still wondering how you are so tight after I opened you up” both men snorted a laugh at that and Oliver fluttered his eyes open. They gasped when Lou bottomed out, Oliver's mouth hanging open as a whimper escaped his throat.

“Fuck… fuck ” Oliver was breathless, taking gulps of air as he felt Lou filling him up “M-move, please …”

Lou gave him a soft smile and slowly started to roll his hips, pulling soft moans from the younger's mouth. He leaned in, kissing his forehead and joining them as his pace picked up, thrusting deeply into Oliver.

Oliver’s legs wrapped themselves around Lou's hips, and his moans filled the room as the older kept fucking him “Harder, fuck me harder Lou”

Lou did as such, letting out a groan as he leaned his head back, admiring the way the younger looked form that angle “Sometimes it’s really annoying how beautiful you are, Oliver” the younger looked at him and smiled faintly, his face and chest covered in a red blush “Makes me want to paint all over you”

Their bodies were sweaty now as they slammed into each other, skin to skin sounds that made both men sigh.

“We c-could, ah , you know there’s edible paint, right?”

Lou's eyes sparkled, thinking about all the things he could create on the younger's body, and how he could lick all of that off with his tongue, taking his time to ruin the other “You’re giving me ideas, Oli”

Oliver chuckled but then bit his lip, looking at the older with pleading eyes “Lou…”

Lou looked at him confused, it was a different look from the ones he had been giving him up to the moment “W-what? Are you okay?”

He cared about him, despite the way Oliver has hurt him before. Sometimes it made him sad, to know he had become so infatuated with a person who will never reciprocate those feelings.

“It’s just… fuck , Lou, lift my legs” the needy moan that escaped Oliver's mouth bounced around the older's head “I-I want you in deeper, please fucking lift my legs”

Lou smiled and gave him a small kiss before leaning back, taking Oliver by the ankles letting them rest on his shoulders. The change in angle made it easier to fuck into the younger deeper and faster, and suddenly, Oliver screamed.

“Touch yourself Oli , c'mon, jerk yourself off” the softness in Lou's voice was a bit too much for Oliver, who teared up as his hand reached his aching cock, pumping it hard.

Lou’s hands caressed Oliver's legs, a soft touch that contrasted with the hard thrusts that drilled into the younger's ass “I’m obsessed with your legs, Oliver, they're so long it's ridiculous, fuck ”

Oliver’s laugh turned into a loud moan as the older kept hitting his prostate, and he just knew “Lou I-I’m gonna come, shit , Lou please come inside, I need, I need—”

“I know” Lou’s thumb stroked Oliver's lips and the younger sucked on it, never letting his eyes off the older “Shit, Oliver ”

The care in Lou's voice was enough to send Oliver over the edge, and he came hard. His cum reached up to his pecs, and his body shook so hard you'd think he was convulsing.

It took a few more thrusts for Lou to reach ecstasy, screaming Oliver's name as he filled his hole, so much he knew he was overflowing it.

He carefully dropped Oliver's legs to his sides before collapsing on top of him, their chests sticking together as they got their breathing under control.

“Fuck, that was…”

“Amazing” Oliver finished, and both chuckled before kissing softly.

Lou pulled out, making the younger wince, and rested his head on Oliver's shoulder “I think I'll stay like this for a while Oli I can't… I don't think I can stand up just yet”

Oliver chuckled “ You can't stand up? Lou I can't feel my lower body… but I'm not complaining, that was a good fuck”

Lou smiled, and kissed his neck “Yeah, it was”

read on AO3.

#louliver #louliver fic #rpf #lou ferrigno jr #oliver stark #smut

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py-dreamer · 1 year ago

Text

Macaque is big spoon

Lol the old men be snoozin and snugglin

(I was about to say sleeping but my mind is too dirty for that unfortunately-)

Y'wanna know why he big spoon?

The sun and moon thingy they have going on and...

Ehh, ehh? Y'see what I did there?

I hate fabric so god damn much.

WHY CAN'T YOU BEHAVE AND STAY STILL GODDAMN.

WHY MUST YOU CREASE AND HAVE LAYERS?!!? WHY CAN'T YOU BE SIMPLE AND FLAT

SAME WITH MACACA'S FUR.

WHY ARE YOU BLACK?!! HOW DO I RENDER YOU

TO QUOTE MY PAST SELF: "his true evil power is how hard he can be to draw"

LIKE MY DUDE. HOWWWWW.

Regardless, I'm still really happy with how the drawing came out like the lighting and stuff (just don't look at the fabric-)

Wukong couldn't give less than a flying f*ck if his pajamas matched. Like he's at home, let him be as much of a fashion disaster as he wants!

Heck, back in his day, he was prancing with a leaf skirt and that was acceptable, let the monkey be damnit.

But he would own something very funky like those peach shorts but specifically wear them on break days or in private

(Mac definitely made an inappropriate joke bout it; he has a mark you could read the king's fortune off of, on his right cheek-)

Mac loves his clouds cloudy king so sure, slap them on his pants I think he'd have those long fluffy or silky pajama pants and he like has a couple he switches out for every now and them.

Wukong struck me as a big shirt, short shorts guy

and Mac'doodles as a small shirt, big pants

On a more angsty note, after death I think he'd be a lot colder like its harder to generate body heat naturally so he'd be a lot more cuddly with his toasted marshmallow king cause he was literally toasty fried for 49 days in heaven (49 earth years if 1 year in heaven is a year belief is true)

I was really debating if they'd be in a tree like normal monkeys or in the stone palace cause like that's a whole thing.

Wukong is not only a king in name, he's got riches and a whole ass stone mansion, I want my boi to one day overcome his guilt and indesire for self care and move into the big boi house with his husbando...one day.

But until then, a girl can dream.

Cause come on, that'd be cool. I understand it'd feel real lonely without the stalwart generals and brotherhood but like he has new company and rekindling with his warrior might help with that.

I also think they'd rather sleep in a cozy lil alclove or like the beds in historical c-dramas that are kinda built in and they build a mini nest of sorts.

I was going to draw the monkeys but tbh, just wasn't feelin it...

Also wanted their tails to make a heart but the lil pointy bit always bugs me so I tried to make it into a more plausible scenario

And irl updates, I have been like formally rehearsing for a performance all week (as in a play) and practicing all day, just watched the 1st cast do it and its my turn tomorrow so wish me luck!

(btw I'm working with young kids, like 8-12 young and they all congregated around me when they saw me drawing like I was a glorified babysitter

And the amount of times I had to put the message on Mac's shirt on a different layer and hide it like bruh. The kids are lovely and all and I'd be happy to show my work but as you can see...not all of my works are...100% PG)

(pls reblog and feedback and stuff, I worked hard on this plss I beg...)

#lmk #lego monkie kid #my beloved #py's_art #lmk wukong #the hero and the warrior were like the sun and the moon #and the moon is the big spoon #i will die on this hill #shadowpeach #lmk macaque #lego monkey king #lmk fanart #shadowpeachshipping #liu er mihou #sun wukong

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nightlyrequiem · 3 months ago

Text

The Canary Cage

Chapter 5. Witness

Masterlist AO3 Next Previous

w/c- 3,128

One meeting in a dingy bar on the cheap side of town. One sighting of you. The raw sadness in your eyes drew Valeria in. A parasite attracted to the taste of your tears. She'll chew you up and spit you out, but what she doesn't realise is you bite back.

A/N: She's just like me fr, I have AWFUL emotional regulating skills and any minor inconvenience feels like an end-all event also, some on screen self-harm. No cutting just some head punching but I figured I'd warn ya'll just in case Also, Erin isn't just one of my OCs, she exists purely so I can have some drama. Like what Corra was in Be Still My Heart. I'd have preferred to just bring in an existing character but the only other women in the MW campaigns are Farah and Laswell, neither of which I think fir here. Sad Face

Tags/Warnings: Tags Will Be Updated as Story Progresses, WLW, Mental Illness, Unhealthy Relationships, Inclusion of some original characters, Angst, Violence, Referenced Self-Harm, On-Screen Self Harm, A Healthy Amount of Self-Hatred

༺☆༻༺☆༻༺☆༻༺☆༻

You stare at the mess you've made of your apartment in your frenzy to find your purse. Furniture has been shifted out of place and blankets and pillows have been carelessly thrown to the sidelines. You rub the leftover sleep from your eyes. You didn't get to ease into waking up, instead noticing the absence of your phone immediately and then realizing you don't know where your purse is. You shot out of bed and began tearing apart your home looking for it. To no avail.

You strain to remember where you lost saw your purse. You had set it down once to use the bathroom during the party. But you picked it up right after. You curl up on yourself like a roly-poly and dig your fingers into your hair. Your wallet, with all of your cards and what little cash you had was in it. Distress threatens to overwhelm you and you tug on your hair. The pain makes you take a deep breath and it takes everything in your power not to freak out and destroy everything. It's not a big deal, not really. Cancel your cards and go through the process of ordering new ones. Except you don't have a phone to do all of that, which means you'll have to go down to the bank. A frustrated whine bursts through your throat. This is all Valeria's fault.

She wasn't in charge of your purse, but she made you go to that stupid party and in your eyes, makes her just as guilty as you. You can't sit here and wallow though. You're already late for work on account of your phone also doubling as your alarm clock. It's almost amazing how long the body can sleep for and still wake up exhausted.

It's halfway through your routine when you realize you have no way of taking the bus. Your bus card was in your purse and you have no money lying around. You dig your nails into your arms and wince when you draw blood. A walk will do you good. You chuckle quietly, on the verge of tears. Why does everything always have to go wrong for you? Your chagrined laughter turns into small sobs. Which quickly evolves into angry shouting. You hunch over and repeatedly smack yourself in the head. Relishing in the ache building in your skull. You calm down and avoid your own gaze in your bathroom mirror. Ashamed and embarrassed of your outburst. Now you're late to work, have to walk, and have a headache.

It's perhaps an hour long walk. By the time you make it to the Canary Cage, your legs and feet are aching like hell and you want to do nothing more than to curl up in bed. You ignore the wolf-whistling from a pack of drunk men as you push your way into the building. You make it to the employee only hallway before getting stopped roughly.

"Where the hell were you? Your shift started two hours ago!" A woman snaps at you. You look at her, trying to recall her name. She's tall and slender with pretty narrow features and wide set eyes. You should know her name, but your mind draws a blank.

"Slept in." You reply, frowning at her.

"'Slept in.'" She repeats incredulously, widening her eyes. "You had the rest of us scrambling to cover your shift so that we didn't have an empty stage, and you're telling me you 'slept in'?" You open your mouth to defend yourself, but she continues furiously, not giving you a chance to speak. "You'd better go see Valeria. You'll be lucky if she doesn't fire your ass. Barely a week working here and you're already pulling some bullshit. Unbelievable." She rants, pushing past you.

Rubbing your face you step down the hall, towards Valeria's office. Anxiety churning in your gut. You hope she doesn't fire you over this. It's not like it's even your fault, you had no way of communicating with her. You knock on her door and wait.

"Come in."

You open the door and timidly step inside. You chance a look at her. Gauging her reaction. "Hey."

"You're awfully late." She says coolly. Her hands folded neatly on the table. You shut the door behind you and stand before her stiffly. Looking over the decorations in her office. It's all very generic and bland, nothing indicative of her personality.

"Yes, I'm sorry," You sigh. "I think I lost my purse at that party, and it had like, everything. My wallet, my phone. I use my phone as an alarm but since I don't have it or my bus card..." You expect her to snap at you, tell you it doesn't matter.

But she doesn't. Valeria gives you a knowing look and reaches down, grabbing something from under her desk. She sets down your purse and you perk up. Shoulders relaxing at the sight of it.

"You forgot it in my car." She tells you. You lean forward and grab it. Clutching it in your hands possessively. You're painfully aware of Valeria's gaze on you while you look inside. Everything is accounted for. Except a clear lip-gloss. You're miffed about that, but it was cheap and half used anyway.

"Thanks." You murmur. Your gratitude is very reluctant. You don't like having to be thankful to Valeria. She makes this small action feel like a favor she had to go out of her way for.

"You're welcome," she says, waving a hand dismissively. "Now get to work."

Shooed from her office, you quickly leave. You barge into the singer's backroom, startling one of the waitresses on break. She gives you a wary look over her phone which you ignore. You sit down at one of the vanities. Under the bright lights you have a better visual of your appearance. You look scuffed. The best you can do is touch up your makeup, which only looks cakey and heavy. You don't really want to go out and sing, but you don't have much choice.

Usually you don't mind being on stage. The nerves feel somewhat exhilarating. But you feel ugly and miserable and the eyes on you don't feel exciting, they feel judgmental. Like they can see your clogged pores and the little hairs on your lip that you forgot to get rid of. Or how clumpy your mascara is, or how your hair isn't sitting right.

The whole time you're singing you feel disgusting. Like the cheap flashy dress you're wearing has molded to your body. To make things worse, when the door swings open you see Erin walk in. Her presence sets you on edge. Sending anger flaring through your body. You're surprised she came here alone. Without Harlow attached to her hip, you almost don't recognize her. And suddenly she's the only person you can see in the crowd. It makes you nervous and you almost mess up the lyrics of the songs you're singing a few times.

You finish, take your final bow, and haul ass off the stage. Wanting to be out of sight from Erin as fast as possible. You scowl as you force your way through the drunk, dancing crowd. Why did she have to come here? Your name being called almost stops you but you push forward.

"Hey." Erin says, much closer now. You stop and turn, feeling guarded against this snake's tricks.

"Oh, hey." You say politely. "Sorry, didn't hear you." Erin stops in front of you and smiles, her cheeks dimpling. You used to like her dimples.

"I was surprised to hear you quit at the Fireflower," She speaks, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her baggy jeans. "When I heard you started working here I thought I'd come see how you're doing."

You clench your jaw. 'Come see how you're doing.' Erin always manages to make simple, even kind statements sound condescending.

"I didn't quit, I was fired." You dip your head, eyes blazing. And you're sure her new girlfriend has something to do with it. "And I'm getting on fine here. I'm really loving it." You lie.

Erin gazes at you calmly. "I'm glad," she says, face softening. "You deserve to have something good happen to you."

"Right." You nod. Eager to get away. You inch backwards but Erin doesn't seem to get the hint.

"It's been awhile since we've talked, I tried texting you, but I guess you blocked my number." She says breezily.

You did in fact, block her number. You couldn't have blocked her fast enough. You also deleted every single picture and video of her. Threw out all her gifts in a fit of rage.

"Yeah, it helped me move on." You shrug. She looks at you.

"I'm sorry for how things ended." She murmurs and steps closer, genuine remorse glittering in her dark eyes. You glance around nervously, not wanting to be seen too close to her.

"That's what you're sorry for?" You snap, your temper flaring hotly. "Not fucking the girl that you knew I hated? You're not sorry for that?" You glare at her hatefully. Erin winces, pushing back her hair with one ring clad hand.

"I'm sorry for that, too." She admits. "I broke up with Harlow."

The news should bring you pleasure, but you just don't feel anything but anger. Erin continues.

"I regret what I did, and being with her made me realize just what I lost in you. I'm not expecting you to say yes, but if you're open to it, I'd like to take you to dinner next weekend." She says softly. Cooing at you gently like she used to do after you had a destructive fit. Like you're a small child. Before you can answer, a cold voice speaks up from behind you.

"Who's this?" Valeria asks, coming up beside you. She gives the younger woman an unimpressed look.

Erin's soft, gentle demeaner dissipates like a leaf in a raging river. She straightens up and levels Valeria with a cool stare of her own. The two women engaging in some psychological warfare you're not privy to.

"Erin, I'm an old friend." She nods. "Who are you?" You stand between Valeria and Erin awkwardly.

"Hm. Never heard of you." Valeria replies, ignoring her question.

Erin wets her lips. "We had a bit of a falling out." She says. Falling out? You scowl at her. Cheating on you and leaving you for another woman is so much more than a 'falling out' in your opinion.

You look at Valeria, she almost looks amused.

"I see." She says. "Well, you can't come back here." She points to the sign that reads 'Employees Only.'

"Yes, I saw that." Erin says flatly. "We're just talking, and I'm not in the hallway."

You eye both women. A little curious to stick around and watch them circle each other like angry dogs, but that would mean spending more time in Erin's presence. And while time supposedly heals all wounds, it hasn't been long enough to completely seal up yours. You slip away from them back to the singer's backroom. Wanting to get some rest seeing as you'll be staying late an extra two hours to make up for your accidental tardiness. A sign of goodwill to the girl who covered some of your shift.

Though it doesn't take long for Valeria to catch up with you. She pads along beside you silently for a few seconds before speaking.

"Who was that?" She asks you. Voice measured.

"An old friend." You walk into the singer's backroom and attempt to close the door, but Valeria catches it and follows you in. There are a few other singers getting ready for their own sets. They glance over for a second before turning their attention back to their reflections. You flop down on the little sofa in the corner. Valeria stands next to you, crossing her arms casually, the muscles in her forearms flexing with the action.

"So she said." Valeria replies. "But it felt like something more was going on behind the scenes. Were you two-"

"I don't want to talk about it." You interrupt quickly. Uncomfortable with the conversation. You look at the other girl's quickly to make sure they aren't paying attention to you. You're ashamed of your embarrassment. But you don't want them to know you like women. Your preferences have historically made the women around you uncomfortable. Never mind the fact that you never made moves on them once.

Valeria eyes you meaningfully.

"Do you want me to blacklist her?" She asks you. You consider it.

"I don't think she'll come back anyway." You say. But deep down you're not entirely sure. Erin's not the type to leave things alone. She didn't leave you alone when you repeatedly rejected her, citing that she could handle all your issues. She also didn't leave Harlow alone after numerous warnings from you.

One of the other girls gets up and leaves the room, bidding goodbye to the other one.

"I'm going to do it anyway." Valeria decides. "I don't want her around."

"Fine. Whatever." You say. You're too tired and ruffled by the encounter to care. You're still reeling from the news. They broke up. They were only together for three months. You huff. Serves them right. You hope it hurt. You're also a little angry. Erin destroyed your relationship chasing after Harlow, and then just broke things off so she could crawl back to you. She had the absolute nerve to ask you out again. Like you were just waiting for her to come back.

It's offensive, really.

* * *

The Canary Cage is actually quite nice when it's empty and the overhead lights are on. You push in chairs and wipe up spilled drinks from the tables and floors. Arlo is behind the bar doing inventory. It almost feels like you're back in the Fireflower. Though it's not the same without Tony, you realize with a sharp pang. Arlo calls your name and you look up.

"Could you take these down to the cellar for me?" He asks, gesturing towards a crate of half empty liquor and wine bottles.

"Sure." You reply. You set down your damp rag and walk over to him, lifting the crate with some strain.

"Thanks." He says. "Cellar's just back through there." He juts a thumb over his shoulder, pointing towards a closed door. You dip your head and use your hip to push it open. The stairs down are lit by a dim hanging bulb, and the stairs themselves are steep and narrow. You carefully make your way down, trying not to trip and break your neck. You're a little dismayed to find yourself in a stone hallway. A few rooms on either side of the walls. You step forward and peek into the rooms, looking for anything that indicates alcohol storage.

A low, pained moan stops you in your tracks. You pause and listen, heart pounding in your ears. Maybe you're hearing things. You take another step forward and stop when a sharp cry shoots through the musky air. Followed by a low but very angry sounding voice. Talking too low for you to hear the words. You creep towards the voices, scared of what you'll see. They're coming from a room to the right, the wooden door just slightly cracked open. You peer inside.

The room is lined with boxes and crates. In the center stands two men you've never seen, another man lying on the floor, and standing over him is Valeria. Her face is twisted into hatred.

"How many of you are working against me?" She barks, sounding furious. You watch on helplessly as the man tries to explain himself, only to receive a heavy boot to the gut. "That's the problem with rats." She growls viciously. "They multiply faster than you can get rid of them."

"I'm not a rat, you've got the wrong person." The man groans.

Valeria scowls. "No?" She scoffs. She reaches into her pocket and takes out a wire of some kind. "Then what's this? Nico took it off of you when he brought you to me." She throws it down on him.

You will the man to come up with a sufficient, explainable answer but he just gapes at the object. Mouth opening and closing like a fish. While he searches for the right words, Valeria looks up at one of the two men standing behind him. Giving a sharp nod. Your eyes widen as you watch the man reach into his pants and pull out a gun with a silencer attached. He points it at the back of the man's head and pulls the trigger. The sound is muffled and swallowed up by the stones, but still sounds like a bomb to you. The man slumps forward, a puddle of blood pooling around his head. The sight makes you sick. You set down the crate of bottles and hurry away. Flying up the stairs.

The air inside the bar feels stifling and heavy. Arlo looks up with surprise when you burst out from behind the door.

"Are you okay?" He asks, concern in his voice. Your breath is caught in your chest. Is the young friendly bartender in on it? Did he know what was going on in the basement?

"Yes, I'm fine." You say tightly. Did he hear the gunshot? Silencers are only so quiet after all. "I'm going to go home, I'm not feeling well." You tell him. Rushing to grab your purse.

"But there's so much cleaning that needs to be done, I can't do all of it on my own!" He calls out to you. You pretend not to hear him, rushing out the door.

The cool night breeze feels heavenly on your hot face. Somehow, you feel so much safer outside after dark then you do inside the Canary Cage. The image of that man slumping over like a ragdoll keeps flashing through your mind in vivid detail. You've never seen a person die before. Your chest tightens and your mouth waters warningly. You compose yourself, not wanting to get sick on the sidewalk. You knew Valeria was involved in sketchy shit, but you never imagined it was this bad. You had assumed she was probably just a drug dealer. You rub your shaking hands over your face. His blood looked fake. The blood in movies were always much darker. And your own blood was never that... red.

You make the walk to your bus stop, periodically looking over your shoulder. Paranoid that Valeria knows what you saw. You mentally smack yourself for leaving that crate there. She'll know someone else was down there for sure.

The entire bus ride home is spent dreading tomorrow.

#modern warefare ii #valeria garza x fem!reader #valeria garza cod #cod mwii #cod x reader #valeria garza x you #valeria garza #cod mw2 #valeria garza x reader #cod

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bambi-kinos · 1 year ago

Note

I just came across your analysis of However Absurd and thought it was lovely. I'm curious, as someone who thinks John and Paul had some kind of romantic or sexual relationship, what is your take on The Lovers That Never Were? Is he using the word "lovers" to mean "partners"? I have always interpreted it to mean that Paul knows there was something there but it never happened. Every time I start to be convinced that they were together in some way I think of this song and the devastating way Paul sings it in the demo and the heartbreaking fact that he still felt it that intensely 13 years after John's death.

Oh wow thank you! The server had a lot of fun discussing that, if it's good it's because I had a little help from my friends heheh (─‿‿─) ♡

I ended up writing a massive novel in response to all this so I hope you enjoy reading it heheh. For server members, I've pulled some quotes from my previous Discord essays on this topic so you'll see some stuff that you've read.

tl;dr - I don't think "The Lovers That Never Were" contradicts the secret relationship theory at all! I think it compliments it very well actually.

In order to get into All That, I will outline how I perceive what their relationship was built on and how they reacted to it. I should note that I don't consider this definitive. It's important to remember that we all have unique interpretations of John and Paul because of our experiences and our personal POVs. There is no single answer until Paul decides to tell us what happened and/or Sean publishes John's diaries (written and audio). Until that happens, we are all forced to look at the same material and draw our own conclusions which will naturally be shaped through our personal perceptions. Some of us are older and are much closer to the original culture that John and Paul were raised in; some of us are younger and grew up in a much more LGBT+ positive environment. This naturally has an impact on how we interpret John and Paul's relationship.

I say this because I know my POV on John and Paul is a bit different from everyone else's. I'm a historian by training but part of being a historian is the understanding that you will never fully understand the events as they happened because your personal viewpoint and inherent bias is simply too strong. But that's okay because this is a part of humanity that we all share, yeah? With that understanding LET'S GO!

Paul My view on Paul is that he's always understood that he's different from other men. I doubt he could put a name to it until very recently. Paul has synesthesia, he's bisexual, he connects to music in a savant-like way, he's neurodivergent which is why he takes criticism so hard, and all of that would still be true even if he didn't have left over emotional issues from his mother dying the way she did + his fraught relationship with his father.

Keep in mind that circumstantial evidence points to the idea that Paul orchestrated the meeting at the fête! He realized he had a mutual friend with John in Ivan (who is to say that he did not meet Ivan at a QM performance and had that mental realization there?) He went through Hot Girl Summer before and after the fête, wanting to be fucking fit so that he wasn't embarrassed to meet John! I did the same thing when I had a crush as a teenager!

So with all that in mind, imagine this: you're Paul McCartney. You met John Lennon barely a year after Mary died. You turned 15 on June 18th, 1957 and met John at the fête on July 6, 1957. At some undetermined point before this garden party you saw a beautiful boy on the bus and began riding it obsessively hoping the Teddie boy would get on it. You followed him to the chippie and stood in line behind him…allegedly because you thought "oh wow he looks so cool." Marky Mark thinks (and I agree) that you may have even followed John to at least one Quarry Man show before the fête. Is this 'normal' behavior? Or is this the unhinged behavior of a teenager with a massive crush? The kind that comes about when you see a cute boy with red hair, and red is the color you associate with happiness, and then you find out that he plays guitar just like you and you follow him around until you see one of his performances and he's so good he knocks you back and then someone says "hi Paul, I didn't know you liked music!" behind you. And you realize that it's your friend and that you can meet the boy you have a crush on through this friend. You just need to lose weight and grow your hair out first.

When did Paul first see John, anyway? Before he turned 15 I'd wager.

I submit the idea that Paul has been in love John Lennon for his entire life. It will be 67 years of love when this July 6th rolls around. John was making a name for himself, he was known around town as "that Lennon." A minor celebrity like we’ve all had in our hometowns. Paul loved music. Before the internet you would go to the town square to hear a band.

Paul did that. Saw John. Pursued him with intent. When John went to Gambier Terrace to be with Stuart, Paul made a nuisance of himself showing up at their parties and playing the proto-version of "Michelle" in front of the girls…and John.

I love you, I love you, I love you That's all I want to say Until I find a way I will say the only words I know that You'll understand

I don't think that a 15 year old Paul McCartney would explicitly label his feelings for John as 'love' or a 'crush' but I do think that's what happened. When you're a teenager, a crush can express itself in many different ways. I used to have a big crush on a girl who was a volleyball player at my junior high school…that expressed itself as intense admiration. I even told one of my friends that I thought she was 'really cool.' It wasn't until later that I realized that I had a crush on her.

But I think that Paul has always known that he's 'different' and that he wasn't like other boys while growing up. Part of his touchiness about his looks comes from being bullied but I also think that he's a lot more self aware than he pretends to be. I think he realized relatively fast how he felt about John (maybe once John picked up with Stuart and Cynthia at art college.) I think he carried that with him for years hence his anguished response to being jilted in Hamburg and how furious he was at John for running off to Spain with Brian. He didn't realize it immediately but once it sticks to you then it fucking sticks. I think that Paul has done a lot internal wrestling with being a bisexual man and what that means for him and that he has been wrestling with it for decades. I think he was fully in the grip of that wrestling as he and John's friendship began growing and Paul realized what was happening to him. He does enjoy women but I also think that he felt it was necessary to pursue them heavily as a young man to camouflage himself.

I don't think a day has gone by since 1957 where Paul has not known what he was. What exactly that means for him…is up for interpretation. That's where the gray area is. But IMO Paul has almost always known that he's sexually attracted to other men and that John woke this in him. The big question for Paul is what he should do about it.

John There's been a lot written about John and his sexuality that I won't rehash here but truthfully I think John was in a similar place to Paul in knowing that he's always had a sexual preference for other men. John was a lot less comfortable about it though. Having unprotected sex with his girlfriends was, IMO, John trying to subconsciously engineer a situation that would "fix" him via an accidental pregnancy necessitating a marriage.

Of course that didn't do anything because it never does. John still felt chemistry with Paul when they met at the fête, with that quote about them "circling each other like cats." IMO John felt something immediately -- it's not entirely clear what -- though I don't think it "love at first sight" like with Paul. IMO their friendship, while still rooted in that chemistry, developed very naturally for John and he got to enjoy a platonic relationship with Paul before he put it all together. I say this because John saw Paul as a kid, not a peer, and that this endured for their lives in Liverpool pre-Hamburg. I struggle to imagine John or Paul deliberately inciting sexual or romantic contact during that time period aside from the group wank sessions (which were really trolling sessions from John.) Like, when Julia died, John went out and sought peers at art college like Cynthia and Stuart, other students his age. John and Paul bonded over losing their mothers and Paul has that quote about pranking people with the "oh yeah…my mum's dead thanks <3" bit but it also seems like John didn't want to be around that all the time. He lost his Uncle George and then his mother, he was starting to think that he was a death-curse on men in his family and that he brought suffering with him. He wanted to be away from that so he took a vacation from music to get a chance of scenery. Which meant putting Paul in a place of competition with Stuart and Cyn but I don't think John was thinking of that initially (though he exploited the situation later.)

Then Hamburg happens and they run wild. I have an entire meta about this that you can read here but I genuinely think John did not see Paul as a full fledged adult and potential sexual partner until they were in Hamburg in the red light district. I think that something happened there that we don't know about, that it's tied up in Stuart deciding to be with Astrid, John jilting Paul, Paul saying "fuck you I'm done" and getting a job at the coil winding factory in Liverpool after being deported, John tracking Paul down and spending weeks (probably) groveling and then giving Paul an ultimatum to come back to the Beatles. All of that screams 'I just realized I'm in love with my best friend and I'm freaking the fuck out' to me lmao.

John and Paul Of course something else changed after that too and John and Paul ended up becoming so close that even the Liverpool squares around them noticed. I think that whatever was going in their relationship, it started here. In the place where John and Paul were equally distraught with each other, the future of the band was uncertain, and Paul wanted a sign of commitment from John so that he didn't feel like he wasted years of his life. And of course John always felt compelled to be the man Paul wanted him to be so he treated Paul to a vacation in Paris which was so life affirming for them that it stayed with them for the rest of their lives. IMO the Paris vacation was explicitly romantic for them.

I think a switch flipped in 1961 and they went from "messing around" to "there's something there." It erupted in Paris and they showed each other more understanding and care then they expected from each other. John did sexy pin up poses for Paul in a bed that they shared; John remembers how the French held each other in their arms and just kissed each other, lovingly; Paul felt that he discovered the answer and that all those big name philosophers had nothing on the self realization he came to inside himself. Paul even took a photo of John that high lighted his package! Thanks to @louiselux for pointing this one out:

The thing was all the kissing and the holding that was going on in Paris. And it was so romantic, just to be there and see them, even though I was twenty-one and sort of not romantic. But I really loved it, the way the people would just stand under a tree kissing; and they weren’t mauling at each other, they were just kissing. — John Lennon, Playboy interview 1980

“We were like Paris existentialists. Jean-Paul Sartre had nothing on us. Sod ‘em all - I could write a novel… It was all inside me. I could do anything now.”

Paul McCartney, Anthology

Something happened in Paris and it wasn't just them getting haircuts and John buying Paul milkshakes. There was commitment there. And then the spell comes over them again when they return in January 1964:

The first night, John and Paul stayed in their suite, listening to records and reading fan mail. George, who had been signed for 100 pounds a day by the Daily Express to write of his experiences in Paris, went to a nightclub in the Place Pigalle.

Back in the City of Light, John and Paul slept till three o'clock in the afternoon. That much everybody agreed on.

Quote by Vincent Mulchrone from Daily Mail: George Harrison was astir early, but John Lennon and Paul McCartney slumbered on until frantic photographers forced them at lens point into the Champs-Élysées.

Derek Taylor (a British journalist) wanted to know why the Beatles slept so much. "My office wants to know what they're doing in Paris, so they'd better be doing something."

Love Me Do by Michael Braun

But I know what you're thinking. "What the hell does this all have to do with these two songs?"

And my reply is to keep a few things in mind:

Paul takes criticism and slights incredibly hard, possibly overreacting in some places and letting them overwhelm him mentally.

He never got over Barcelona, he never stopped resenting Stuart and Brian, he never got over John pulling the rug out from under him regarding the order of their names in the song credits. He contemplated committing suicide by smothering himself while he was in Scotland recovering from John leaving him.

John Lennon had a baby with a woman in the middle of all this. Julian Lennon was born April 8, 1963, conceived in July 1962, less than a year after Paris.

However Absurd & The Lovers That Never Were I listened to "However Absurd" and "The Lovers That Never Were" in that order. My immediate reaction is that these are both the same kind of song: they are both expressing sadness and frustration with John. This is a common theme with Paul's post-1980 John songs. What I find interesting is that they depict different though related gripes regarding John. In "However Absurd" Paul is expressing his longing for a cottagecore fantasy romance with John and then expressing frustration at John mocking him for it:

Ears twitch, like a dog Breaking eggs in a dish Do not mock me when I say This is not a lie

But in "The Lovers That Never Were" Paul expresses a different gripe: frustration that John won't commit to him and "anticipating" the break up that he secretly knew was coming ever since 1963 when John abandoned him and his own son to play patty-cake with Brian in Spain:

I hang patiently on every word you send Will we ever be much more than just friends? As for you, you sit there playing this game You keep me waiting

When all of the clocks have run down All over the world We'll be the lovers that never were

For as long as the sun shines in somebody's eyes I believe in you baby, so don't tell me lies For as long as the trees throw down blossoms and leaves I know there will be a parade of unpainted dreams

And I know dear, how much it's going to hurt If you still refuse to get your hands dirty So you, you must tell me something… I love you Say goodbye or anything

All of the clocks have run down Time's at an end If we can't be lovers we'll never be friends

John's penchant for disregarding Paul's feelings and even weaponizing them against Paul; the dashing of Paul's cottagecore dreams that were made and solidified in Paris; the fact that John, no matter what his intentions, could not get his shit together and commit to Paul no matter what he may have felt. These two songs are not contradictory to one another. Paul's idea of "commitment" looks very much like what he had with Linda and John in 1967: sharing a home, sharing a bed, being together every day, preferably somewhere green and remote. Exclusivity. Remember that Paul deliberately sabotaged his relationship with Jane Asher by nailing a woman in their bed when Jane came home, knowing perfectly well that he was breaking their exclusivity agreement.

That IMO, is what makes someone a lover and not just a friend you have sex with and secretly pine for. No cheating, or at least your agreed version of it. No disrespecting the relationship. Continuously being together. What did John do instead of this?

I think that Paul started out his "relationship" with John carrying high hopes and then watched them crumble to dust, over and over, because John simply did not take him seriously. He got Cynthia pregnant, he ran around on Paul with Brian, he had the nerve to flip out on Jane Asher when Paul brought her around when he was the one who couldn't stay faithful to Cynthia.

My hot take is that these songs demonstrate that Paul simply could not imagine John ever truly committing to him and treating him as a true partner. The homophobia and yes ~society~ is in there too but Paul was happy to flout this when it came to just about anyone else, traipsing all over France with Fraser and Mal. The difference is that he flat out didn't trust John. Being jilted for Stuart in Hamburg loomed too big in his head. Cynthia and Julian loomed too big in his head. Brian and Barcelona, realizing that John would happily betray whatever agreements or understandings he had with Paul simply to screw Paul out of a deal, loomed too big in his head. I think in particular its Barcelona that made Paul think John didn't value any of their professed ideals. John broke Paul's heart years before Yoko came along.

He didn't trust John. Fatalism is easier than taking control of your own life sometimes, and in Paul's mind there was no reason to believe John was genuine. Like, Paul knew John very well! He had very good reason to think that John was simply not serious about him. And John, no matter what his intentions were, proved that correct over and over and over and over.

So ultimately, I think that's what these songs are about. The melodies don't necessarily reflect this when I listened to them but I think that "The Lovers That Never Were" in particular is juxtaposing bitter wink-and-nod lyrics with an oddly perky tune. It's Paul laughing at himself for ever thinking John was willing to commit. He's mocking himself because while he allowed himself to get swept up in the dream of a possible genuine relationship with John, he knew deep down that it would go the way it did. That John would find a reason to get tired of him and abandon him. And then when Yoko came along, that's exactly what John did. Paul fatalistically accepted that the time had come and John met Paul's low expectations of him.

The Weight I don't think John and Paul necessarily planned to have a secret relationship. It seems more like they bundled the sexual/romantic stuff into their "thing" where it was just part and parcel of who they were and what they did. "It's only gay if the balls touch" etc. At some point that changed but Paul became convinced early on that it wouldn't work out so he didn't acknowledge his own secret desires and dreams. There was no roadmap between him and John about where they were taking this exactly and how they were going to make it work. He had sex with John and even engaged with romantic actions with John, hoping against hope that something would change and he would be proven wrong, but then John would be careless and Paul would collapse into hurt.

And oh yeah: Paul never, ever discussed any of this with John Lennon. He never told John how hurt he was because he didn't want to put up with John's derision. He felt devalued and lost and in typical Paul fashion he chose to ignore this for years and never bring it up, forcing it to come out in bizarre nonsensical actions when he inevitably boiled over. Why would he choose to confront it? He made sure to set up several safety nets to catch him! Jane and the Ashers, striking out on his own with "The Family Way" score, rubbing John's face in his escapades with other males as a way to go 'see, I don't need you just like you don't need me. How about THAT?'

I don't think John ever intended to hurt Paul as badly as he did. He thought that if Paul was upset about something then he would know via their ~telepathic connection.~ I think that he deliberately overlooked warning signs because he felt intensely guilty about certain actions he took (God only knows which ones) and that he helped himself not see Paul's hurt. I do think if he had the slightest idea of what was going on in Paul's head then he would have changed tactics immediately out of fear of losing Paul forever. But at heart John was a coward and if he didn't want to see something was wrong then he wouldn't see it unless something forced his hand. Like say, having his former best friend/ex-lover look him in the eye and go "I can write new songs" and kill The Beatles in a court of law. (And of course once he realized what he had done, years after the fact, it was too little too late. He couldn't take it back. How do you make up for inflicting that much hurt on someone that you supposedly care for? This paralyzed John for years.)

This was obviously a huge mistake and I think it was one of the landmines that blew their relationship up. Paul allowed his distrust and bitterness to overwhelm him. He should have been honest with John about his feelings; maybe not immediately but when they were able to look back with some perspective. Paul should have realized that their relationship could take heat. He should have trusted John more and if he had then John could have risen to the occasion. Everything could have been different. No more "I believe in you baby, so don't tell me lies." No more "Do not mock me when I say/This is not a lie."

He even expresses this in a third song, one that IMO puts this entire thing into perspective and ties these three songs together with a neat bow. "This One":

youtube

Did I ever take you in my arms, look you in the eye Tell you that 'I do?' Did I ever open up my heart And let you look inside?…

Did I ever touch you on the cheek Say that you were mine, thank you for the smile? Did I ever knock upon your door Try to get inside?…

Please take note of the bolded "Tell you that 'I do'!" Paul's deepest regret with regards to John is not trusting him more. He wishes that he had opened up to John about his hurt and how he angry he was that John was devaluing their relationship. That he wanted to commit to John but that he was scared John wouldn't say 'I do' back.

From John's POV he's just being John; he's looking out for the band. God knows he tried to be what Paul needed him to be but he got mixed signals and inconsistent behavior and Paul's ice queen behavior frustrated him to no end. This resulted in an endless circle of "fuck you/no no no, fuck YOU/well fuck you then!/fuck you" that ended up killing what they had.

But John is guilty in this too. He never made himself accountable to Paul. He didn't explain his actions. He acted rashly and selfishly and then was shocked when it blew up in his face. He didn't consistently act like he loved Paul. He took Paul for granted and told himself that he was doing the right thing, because changing your behavior is very very hard. He didn't let Paul in when it mattered.

Did you ever take me in your arms Look me in the eye, tell me that 'you do?'

As Paul grew up and he started to come to grips with the "What happened" of it all, maybe he realized that he had procrastinated. That he put off what mattered most because he couldn't bear to make himself vulnerable as a young man. Maybe he was waiting for a perfect moment to open himself up to John knowing perfectly well it would never arrive, a common delaying tactic for insecure and avoidant people. Not admitting that the perfect moment would never come and that he had to extend trust to receive it in return.

If I never did it, I was only waiting For a better moment that didn't come There never could be a better moment Than this one, this one

I think he's still angry at John for multiple betrayals, slaps to the face, and devaluing the specialness of their relationship and their affection for each other. But I also think that Paul is angry at himself for not trusting John, for not working harder at their relationship. He also delivered multiple betrayals and slaps to the face to John, feeding John's insecurity and fears of abandonment. Making a mockery of their relationship and how special it was. Paul has been doing public penance for this ever since John died, which snapped everything into perspective and he finally realized the full scope of his own screw ups.

Because it took two to destroy a relationship this intense and this special. If Paul did not know that before...

Well. He does now.

#the beatles #mclennon #john lennon #paul mccartney #mclennon meta #my meta #mclennon server #this was a really fun ask anon thank you!

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secondarysefikura · 2 months ago

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Crime boss!Sephiroth x Rookie cop!Cloud

I have two ideas for this. The first is the more traditional bl dynamic you'd expect for this sort of thing. You know, the classic toxicity hostage situation.

Idea 1:

Sephiroth is a crime boss who pays off the Midgar Police Department (MPD) to not arrest any of his men or stop his criminal dealings.

Cloud is a rookie cop who is told on his first day by his TO that they are forbidden from touching any of Sephiroth's men. While disappointed with the injustice, Cloud knows better than to rock the boat while he's still a rookie. He can always protest these things once he moves up the ranks some after all.

Despite his desire to not draw attention to himself as a rookie, only a few months into his training he and his TO respond to a drug deal involving one of Sephiroth's men. The dealer is new to Sephiroth's organization so neither Cloud or his TO realize who he is when they arrest him.

Word gets back to Sephiroth that one of his men has been arrested by the MPD, enraging Sephiroth. Why does he pay them good money if they're going to do their actual job?!?!

Sephiroth sends one of his top enforcers to scare the department (likely Genesis) and to find out who is responsible for carrying out justice.

The department, not wanting to get on Sephiroth's bad side, places most of the blame on Cloud. They make a big show of firing Cloud in an attempt to appease Sephiroth (and Genesis).

Annoyed with the department for shrinking any responsibility and trying to make Cloud into a scape goat, Genesis tries to threaten the department further. He states that Sephiroth won't be happy with them just firing a rookie and that the department needs to offer some form of collateral to make up for the losses the organization faced.

Somehow, it's decided that Cloud will be the collateral.

Genesis takes a scared Cloud back to Sephiroth, teasing Cloud the whole time about how his organs will be sold or that Cloud will be forced into prostitution.

Despite Genesis' later insistence that he was joking, Cloud is terrified for his life as he's sat down in front of Sephiroth.

Sephiroth, deciding that Cloud is rather cute, tells Cloud that his infractions will be forgiven if he sleeps with Sephiroth. Cloud, believing that his organs are going to be sold if he doesn't do this, agrees.

Sephiroth fucks Cloud and is delighted to find out that he is a virgin. He decides that he wants to fuck Cloud again, this time in bed rather than over his desk.

Sephiroth has one of his staff take Cloud to his bedroom and prepare him for when Sephiroth decides to fuck him again. Cloud, meanwhile, is growing agitated that his initial agreement with Sephiroth is not being followed.

When Sephiroth returns to his bedroom later to fuck Cloud, Cloud snaps at him and tries to hit him.

Sephiroth finds that this only makes Cloud more endearing and he decides that he wants to keep Cloud for a little longer still.

What follows is Sephiroth telling himself that he will let Cloud go in a few days, only to decide to keep Cloud for a bit longer.

Meanwhile Cloud is only getting more and more agitated the longer he is kept by Sephiroth, frequently trying to attack Sephiroth and escape the estate.

Eventually Sephiroth decides that he wants to date Cloud and begins trying to earn Cloud's affection. Too bad he's already burned most of his bridges with Cloud.

Idea 2:

Cloud and Sephiroth are engaged, although they don't have a wedding date set yet. The two met when Cloud was working at a bar and fell in love naturally.

Cloud has a very strong sense of justice. Sephiroth, who is completely enamored with Cloud, is very careful to hide his criminal enterprise. So far, he's managed to convince Cloud that his wealth comes from completely legal means.

Unfortunately for Sephiroth, Cloud wants to be a police officer. Sephiroth tries to subtly discourage Cloud by telling Cloud that he has more than enough money for Cloud to be a stay at home husband, but Cloud has no interest in such things.

Sephiroth nervously watches as Cloud is accepted into the police academy. He secretly hopes that Cloud flunks out so he doesn't risk finding out the truth about him.

Cloud, however, makes it through his training and gets a place with the MPD.

Sephiroth, who was already paying off the MPD to not bother his businesses, pays them more to hide the fact that he is a crime boss from Cloud.

All is well, until an officer returns from maternity leave a few months into Cloud's rookie training. As she was never briefed on the fact that Cloud isn't allowed to know about Sephiroth's criminal ties, she mentions it to Cloud.

Cloud is shocked and angry. He goes to the chief and demands to know if it is true that Sephiroth is a crime boss. The chief hesitantly admits the truth and that Sephiroth paid them off to hide this from Cloud.

Disillusioned with his fiancé and feeling disgusted with himself and the department, Cloud resigns and returns home to pack his things and leave.

Sephiroth gets a call from the police chief, stating that Cloud has found out the truth and that he has resigned. Sephiroth hurries home to speak to Cloud, only to find out that Cloud had already left.

Sephiroth begins a search for Cloud, terrified that Cloud is in danger. Eventually he finds Cloud and begs Cloud to come back home with him.

Cloud refuses, stating that Sephiroth would have to force him to come back with him.

Sephiroth sets a plan in motion to make Cloud think he is danger by a rival organization and basically force Cloud to return to him for safety.

Scared for his life, Cloud returns home, although he makes it clear to Sephiroth that he will not marry him.

Despite this, Sephiroth tries to win Cloud back. Too bad a relationship built on lies will always have a crumbling foundation...

#cloud strife #sephiroth #sefikura #ffvii #ff7 #final fantasy vii

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gideonnavtheninth · 7 months ago

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FINALLY name time! Abigail name time!!!!

Once again, Pent and Quinn are 5 in Greek and Latin respectively, which we all know is the pattern. NOW, first names are fun! Abigail, meaning-wise is biblical. It shows up a couple times, as the name of the wife of Nabal and one of David's wives, and as the name of David's sister. Jewish Women's Archive describes Abigail (Nabal's wife) in this way

Abigail, the wife of Nabal of Carmel, is the only woman in the Hebrew Bible who is described as both intelligent and beautiful ... She is “of good sense and beautiful in looks,” while he is “hard and evil in his deeds” ... Alternatively, according to the written text he is just “like his heart” Later, the narrative recounts that “his heart died within him and he became like stone". Mean and inhospitable, he meets his fate, measure-for-measure, in the petrification of his hard heart. It accounts for Abigail’s motivation: why she intervenes secretly to provide a feast for David and his men without consulting her husband. In a subtle twist, she simultaneously saves her household and allies herself with David, eventually in matrimony when she is fortuitously widowed.

The things that feel noteworthy here are A. Abigail being very defined by having a husband (But, in this case, her husband sucks) B. Several mentions of the heart, which... they are the heart of the emperor! and C. She's widowed! Continuing down her story, we see some more stuff that feels of note

She further portends that God will establish a “sure house” for David, foreshadowing Nathan’s prophecy of an everlasting dynasty for the king. She ends her speech with a hint: “when the LORD has dealt well with my lord, then remember your handmaid”. David then praises her good sense and expresses gratitude that she restrained him from bloodshed, uttering an oath to counter the prior violent one

Every time I see the word "house" alarm bells start ringing. Anyway, an everlasting dynasty feels particularly familiar here. I mean, Abigail doesn't have all that much to do with Jod, but it still feels relevant to be drawing connections when I see them.

Based on her prescience, the Talmud identifies Abigail as one of the seven female prophets in the Hebrew Bible. More likely, she is keenly perceptive about the shifting tides of history.

Not anything extraordinary here, but the concept of Abigail being "keenly perceptive about the shifting tides of history" feels pretty accurate to our Abigail!

When Abigail returns home, she finds her husband drunk from feasting “like a king” and waits until the morning to tell him what she has done. His heart then strangely turns to stone and he dies ten days later, struck by “the Lord”. David, hearing that she has been widowed, sends for her. She obsequiously prostrates herself, calling David “lord” and herself “maidservant prepared to wash [his] servants’ feet”; though, ironically, she follows the messenger with five maids on donkeys in tow. She then becomes his wife

Feels like she's very defined by being people's wives. If anything, I feel like Magnus is the wife guy in TLT. But, again, we're seeing a whole lot of heart talk, which feels like it has to mean something. The whole point of this reread is rereading so I'm certain I'm missing things, but I never got the impression Abigail was all that zealous in her religion. I will say, I will be keeping an eye out for anything that really makes Abigail feel particularly Jod-sympathizing. In GTN, we don't really blink at people supporting the emperor outside of times where it really stands out, like the Eighth, but I do wanna watch out for Abigail mentioning the emperor at all. Just something to keep in mind.

Good old' Wikipedia describes her name as derived from the Hebrew word ab, "father", and the Hebrew root g-y-l, "to rejoice," Meaning it probably means "father's joy". Again, not all that sure how this relates to Abigail the character, but still gotta cover my bases.

Abigail's self-styling as a handmaid led to Abigail being a traditional term for a waiting-woman, for example as the waiting gentlewoman in Beaumont and Fletcher's The Scornful Lady, published in 1616

The aesthetic makes sense to me. Abigail is very gentlewoman in my eyes.

Nooo Magnus don't get your own post. Nooo don't make the fifth house like 4 different posts nooo Magnus

#tlt #the locked tomb #gideon the ninth #gtn #tlt meta #tltreread #gtnreread #Abigail PentF #Fifth House

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charly-pompom · 9 days ago

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No offense but why are the noses so big on the characters you draw?

OK SO I HEAR THIS COMMENT SO OFTEN NOW LATELY! Some where really mean but this one is not, so let me give you guys a recap of my art style (I try to make it short I promise) and explain why my art style is like that, and that it was not easy for me to draw like that again.

This is a comparison of a redraw from something I drew in 2016 (1.) and 2017 (2.)

You can clearly see how small the nose is in the first one, and how bigger it got just one year later. For me, this was the time where I tried to find more my own style. Instead of getting inspired by only manga artist, I started to see more art online and liked the more comic style really much.

In 2018 (1.) and 2019 (2.) I still felt comfortable drawing more in this comic like style. Though I would say my eyes were the thing I tried to keep it small, the nose was something I still liked and felt comfortable to draw big.

Everything changed with Obey Me.

After years of not being interested as strong in anime/manga media as I was as a kid, I was totally in again. At first, I still used my own style... But I realized really fast how unhappy I was with it. I wanted to be able to draw sexy anime men, like other artist did!

So you can actually see from 2020-2023 how my style changed. I drew the eyes a bit bigger and definitely more anime like again, and my nose got tiny again.

Then came 2024 in. I was getting really unhappy with my style again. Not bc I thought it looked ugly... But I KNEW THIS WASN'T ME! I had to work against my own style, over and over again. I was like "the eyes are too big that's not looking good. The nose is too big that's not looking good. The mouth is too big, that is not. Looking. Good!"

And I actually got really tired of it. Drawing wasn't that fun if you have to work against your own self over and over again.

Let me show you my art from the start of 2024, the half point and the end.

They got big again! And the biggest reason why is that with the Belphie Zine I took part in, I met so many amazing people and artists who all gave me the confidence that they liked my stuff as it is! I just felt so accepted with my art and people liking it gave me such a big boost, it was something I never really felt before... it showed me that there will be people who enjoy my storytelling, my emotions, my style - with big eyes, nose and mouth or without.

I also met many artists with different art styles who showed me how amazing it is to just, doing how you like it, without thinking about what most people will probably like or not.

Like, don't get me wrong, I am also a really big fan of pretty styles! Where the nose is small, the eyes are just perfect and everything just looks so good! But while I like that style, I realized that... I just don't like drawing it.

So to finally answer the question: They are that big bc I honestly just like them like that. Big facial features just make me happy bc I can show so many emotions with that too!

I mean, I wouldn't even say it's consistent, for example, in my latest comics I have panels where the nose is much bigger than in others:

It seems that especially in my wedding comic some didn't like that the noses where that big. Which, they where in comparison to other drawings of mine pretty big, that is fair.

I think my nose, mouth and eye sizes will always be something I am fluctuating. Depending on the mood of the drawing, what I right now like more and most importantly, what feels more right to me.

I would lie if I say those comments lately don't make me feel insecure again. I'm not used to so many people critiquing/ not liking my art, because, to be honest, I just didn't had much interaction to begin with. I know it's totally normal that people will always not like everything I'm doing... but I hope I showed you with this post that it's not only that. It's my own insecurities that made me even be scared of big facial parts to begin with. And now that I got more comfortable again, I realize that those insecuirties are actually valid, because there are really people who are not liking my style. Especially my big noses.

We could talk about why people don't like it and especially in the manga community, we have those still toxic facial ideals like tiny ass noses. I'll not talk more about it though, I think I yapped long enough.

I want to just tell everyone who I met since last year that I am really really thankful for all of your guys! You showed me again how much I can enjoy just drawing how it feels right to me. And that doesn't change that people still can enjoy my art and my comics. I am also thankful that I got to interact and befriend so many great artist who themselves just love what they are doing, no matter if their style is conventionally beautiful or not.

And thanks to everyone else who is supporting me and my art. I am really glad to know you guys are out there and are liking what I'm doing. Thank you so much.

And to everyone who doesn't like my style, made fun of my nose size or just are blatantly mean about it: It's ok if you don't like it. But you don't have to tell me that. It will not change how I draw, it will just make me feel a bit worse then I felt before. Feel free like this anon to ask just nicely without hate, but don't think you have the right to tell me it's ugly or wrong. There is no reason to be a dick about a fucking art style choice you don't like.

Thanks for listening to my yapping. And I hope you guys are not scared now of asking me questions... I swear I'll be mostly normal about them. QwQ

#ask #ask answered #I'm sorry for yapping but this comment was made now so often I just wanted to take the chance to show why it makes me insecure #thank you to all my mutuals and supporters who made me feel comfortable to draw those big ass noses again #I hope it will not change now bc I am pretty easily butthurted from stuff like that haha #It's my pinned post now bc this toppic is important to me #but I hope I'll make a nice pinned comment soon to replace this one! QwQ

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fanatical4creation · 1 year ago

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Inverted!Greaser sans

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO GREASER

I didn't know it was his birthday so i'll just post this in order to celebrate his existence... i really like greaser okay? It's just that my conditions are a bit limited rn, i suffered a lot to draw this okay? I deserve a like. Anyway...

INVERTED!GREASER! OMG! HIII!

Design:

Alright i'll deal with him in the wholesome way, bc i love 1920s cartoons. "Uuh Fanatical why is inv.Greaser from the 20s?" That's a rlly good question! It may not appear in the cellphone's font but the 2 is the 5 upside-down, hear me out; i saw it in those clocks that tells u the hours in numbers, u know with the pixelated font? I noticed that in the font THE 2 IS THE 5 INVERTED UPSIDE-DOWN, I SAW IT.

His haircut is just some random haircut i saw while searching for "1920s men haircut" i found this one and i said "GREASER!" And there he is.

At first i was going to put some sun glasses like the original but sun glasses weren't the biggest thing in the 20s, so since he has no pupils i went with the cartoonish eyes.

Character:

"Fanatical what is his deal, Fresh is already swaping with someone else, so he doesn't swap with anyone so what changes?" That is an VERY good question my dear, he swaps with himself! Let me explain, Grease's whole thing is "fear of love, waiting for death." Now swaped is "waiting for love, fear of death.

I came up with different ways he could react to this concept and the one i liked the most is that he started very well n' sane but slowly went insane because he never finds the right person, he's running out of time he gotta find his true love or else he'll die alone, he gotta go fast, gotta speedrun.

Since he's speedrunning life he's so focused on finding someone to don't die alone that he even forgets normal things like morals, he would do anything to hav- i mean find a soulmate

Since he's so desperate he's easily manipulated but he also knows how to manipulate using pity... this mf.

He's very inspired on the character Red from Blue's story by Victation (sorry, not sorry)

He still flirty and all, he gotta use his charm in his favor, duh? But yet is only onto the one he thinks are most attractive, like Fresh.. speaking of... wait- nah, i won't talk about them now.. i prefer to tell you by comic.

Stay safe and have a good Valentines 💖

Greaser sans (c) @/Radsee

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its-your-mind · 5 months ago

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hello all and welcome back to everyone's favorite game show:

can! that! comic! artist! be! trusted! with! womennnn!!!* *airhorn noises*

*in like, a drawing way. can they be trusted to draw women. I know literally nothing else about these artists. whether or not real life women choose to trust them is entirely up to the women.

up first! We have *drumroll* Kasia Niemczyk! *airhorn noises*

exhibit a:

Spider-Gwen: The Ghost-Spider (2025) #12 Kasia Niemczyk Variant

why do gwen's boobs need their own air pocket/ventilation. why does it seem like it's just there to make her boobs bigger. is the air stored in the boobs? oh wait, it can't be, because the bottom is just. open.

exhibit b:

Psylocke (2025) #3 Kasia Niemczyk Variant

you know what, it commits the sin of slightly overemphasized boobs, but I will FORGIVE IT EVERYTHING bc LOOK! AT! THOSE! THIGHS! they are fucknig real! they squish like real muscled thighs do! (source: I too have very muscly thighs accompanied by no ass bc the muscle is the same fuckign muscle) even her calves are squishing properly! (source: see above. one time I flexed my calf in front of a lesbian to show off the tattoos I have there and their brain shorted out for a second. it is still one of the highlights of my life.) ANYWAY holy fuck I am so delighted by this. it almost makes me forgive and forget gwen's open-to-the-vacuum-of-space air boobs. almost.

exhibit c:

Wasp (2023) #1 1:25 Kasia Niemczyk Variant

I... hmm.

I'm starting to think this artist can be trusted with thighs and not boobs. thighs are pretty okay. why does it feel like her suit has like. four sets of nipples somehow? even though it's all just body armor??? also, where are all of her torso organs, bc they are certainly not in her torso.

Verdict on Kasia Niemczyk: to be trusted with thighs. boobs require much improvement. can continue to draw women, but is on thin fucking ice.

our next contestant: *drumroll* Jeff Dèkal!!! *airhorn noises*

exhibit a:

Fire & Ice: When Hell Freezes Over #1 Cover C

I... what the fuck. hey, hey Jeff??? what the fuck. did you. did you censor out Ice's junk? like this is the sfw cover of fuckign vampirella?!? and what the fuck is that fucking jock-strap (her only item of clothing) that's pretending to try to be a bra?!? and like, Fire is better, but only because it would be literally impossible to be worse without needing to fucking bag the comics in opaque bags like one does the porn. like the aforementioned vampirella, specifically when it is nsfw and full tits-out. (brief sidebar: I don't have anything against porn comics necessarily, though I do hate having to share a store with straight men when they start talking about them. also, I don't want my DC comics to accidentally become porn without like. letting me know about it.) (also, here are fire and ice's normal outfits, just as a point of reference:)

Fire & Ice: When Hell Freezes Over #1 - Cover art by Terry Dodson

like, still sexy for SURE, but very clearly their own kinds of sexy that don't involve walking around fucking pooh bear style.

I don't even wanna get another one. but in the interests of journalistic integrity.

exhibit b:

Power Girl (2024) #15 Cover B

oh my fucking shit. holy good gosh. how did he oversexualize POWER GIRL. my beautiful angel alien icon what has he DONE TO YOU. what the ufck is with the MAKEUP?! the brows, the thick eye-liner, the dark lip??? and. the boobs. he took the BOOB WINDOW for which power girl is KNOWN which has at this point been ESTABLISHED as POWER OVER HER OWN SEXUALITY and she's. looking down at it. drawing your attention to it. and made it lower??? so that you (at least me) think "holy fuck she is one wrong move from flashing a nipple that can't be good for superheroing"

and again. for FUCKING reference:

Power Girl #16 Cover B by Miguel Mercado

look at her fuckin cheeky little wink while she fully flexes and shows off! fuck I love her sm (also. LEGS. s h o u l d e r s. abs. hngngnng.)

okay I don't wanna keep looking. jeff, you've failed. no more comic book women for you. get off my superhero lawn.

#comic artists #spider-gwen #spider-gwen: the ghost-spider #wasp #psylocke #marvel #marvel comics #power girl #fire and ice #dcu #dc comics

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stnitewing · 7 months ago

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s2, ep10 I KNOW WHY THE CAGED BIRD KILLS decided to get lazy again! sorry for the wait! (not that any of you were actually waiting, but for the sake of my ego pretend that you were and that this is the highlight of your night or something idk). SO! we're back to the monarchs! the bug lovers are about as gay as ever, and (once again) i can't help but swoon over the black guards - especially when put up against the monarch henchies.

guhhh they're just so badass and cool.. i should REALLY get to drawing them.. hopefully when my art block wears off i'll find myself competent enough to do so eee

AND HERE'S GARY! just looking to break good ol' reliable 24 out of his holding cell. something that i find curious about this segment is Gary's ruse/bypass excuse. he claims that he's there to 'administer' 24's 'medication' - which is a good enough lie all on it's own.

of course, the black guards then insist on administering the medication to 24 themselves - in response, Gary lies and warns them that it's: "y'know.. it's (up the butt) medicine--" and then they IMMEDIATELY lay off and let him through. this little bit right here just sort of confirms that there are PEOPLE OUT THERE within venture bros canon that continue to live their daily lives under the assumption that Gary stuck his fingers up 24's ass :-| people canonically believe that Gary fingered 24. which is funny. at least to me it is blehhh also if i'm being entirely honest? Gary would totally stick his fingers up 24's ass if it meant helping him out with a health risk or whatever. i just KNOW it'd be a thing. they're boyfriends. 24 wouldn't even really need to ask him twice - they'd go tit for tat over who has helped who more/sacrificed the most for eachother before Gary would go: "(LE SIGHH) okay fine whatever just please don't say anything while i do it and DON'T ask me to do it again smhh </3" (he'd do it again in a heartbeat they r best friends yaoi lovers)

BACK TO THE EPISODE!!! Gary walks in on him wanking it lol xc i really like 24's face lol. i mean, he's kind of uggo but not really? he looks like bert from sesame street, which is cute - and he has a weird muppet voice, but that's also cute. something i've always liked about venture bros was their talent to make the strangest looking men somewhat desirable. i want to put this guy in a jar, maybe my pocket.

Gary immediately starts asking questions about Henry and what happened - also asks about what's in the magic murder bag. you know. not even bothering to acknowledge the fact 24 had his wenis out. because he's gay,

^c^!!! 24 is very cute in these shots!

oh, and he basically confirms that Killinger is actually a sort of chill guy or whatever, but Gary disagrees

we get some villainous dork Gary moments here too (he's always a villainous dork, but some moments shine through more than others obviously lol)

"he knows nothing about honor, or living by the sword-- he is not like us." uggghhhhh shut up shut up shut up shut up shut uppppp he is only amusing to his boyfriend and that's about it we need to kill this guy or get him a muzzle or SOMETHING

"WHAT are you TALKING about??" even 24 thinks Gary is insane </3

gary tiddy check out the gary tiddy he essentially yammers on about how he's SURE that "that killinger guy" has brainwashed the entirety of the hive. it's kind of cute and funny, you can tell that he's just being a paranoid nerd here.. smh.. he's only happy when his ginger baddie is treating them all like shit i guess x_x

uuuhhh this shot is mostly for me to use as reference later ignore it but ahhh 24 shuts that down and raves on about Dr Killinger and how he's amazing and cured his herpes or whatever (also whispered about how he could help Gary with ""his problem"") (whatever that is lol) the herpes thing never really gets brought up by 24 fans. strange but fair. it'd be like me bringing up the fact that Brock is part swedish. it's useless trivia lol. but still pretty interesting that no one seems to remember or talk about it. idk. ehh.

Gary doesn't take 24's positive opinion of Dr Killinger all that well and proceeds to have a slight (but not really) ""freak out"" over it-- "oh he's already got to you! don't touch me, stay back! stay back, pod person!" i honestly don't even really think Gary's ACTUALLY 100% upset over it. he's just really dramatic and already bothered by Killinger's presence lmao

"alright whatever (￣ _ ￣；)" and 24's just used to Gary's weird nature. he's so over it. his boyfriend amuses him and i think that's cute eee

#venture bros #the venture bros #the venture brothers #henchman 21 #henchman 24 #they're boyfriends your honor #i won't stop calling them boyfriends in my post you've got to understand that their relationship is so very canon to me #i won't apologize either lel #also weird unpopular opinion of mine: i don't think we should've seen their faces this early #spoke with an oomf about this and i think we should've gotten the face reveals post 24 death #also i firmly stand by the fact that 24 should've come back somehow #the triad could've done something about it i'm not stupid #also the way he looks at Gary so fondly?????#thats adorable eee #they love eachother so much #yes i spell each other as eachother #same fucking shit #ANYWAYS #justice for 24 and justice for Gary #they should've been end game #revive venture bros and fucking fix this #siiigh pre 24 death gary you will always be a super star

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cinemaocd · 3 months ago

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The first twenty five: A fight to the death or I defend every film on this list: (warning insanely long post, do not look under the cut unless you want color of the sky length text post about movies)

Intimacy: only film on here likely to be found on pornhub. A weird choice for number one but I was looking at my Wolf Hall poster when I began the process of thinking of my favorite films and this is my favorite Mark Rylance film. It's so difficult to watch and edgy and messy and real and the performances are all amazing and the director is French which I forgot lol so it's almost a French film. Anyway I wrote a one shot fanfic about this movie which I don't do very often so it must be special.

Lawrence of Arabia: I've been obsessed with this movie off and on since the 80s. I met my best friend in college because we both liked Bob Dylan, and she had drawings of T.E. Lawrence and Peter O'Toole in her dorm room and a still from the film and then we just started quoting it to one another. When we were roommates we had a fort in the basement we called Feisal's Tent and we had a tv and bunch of cushions in there it was the greatest. Once during a bad period I just watched Lawrence on loop while I was getting ready in the morning or eating dinner. I can't count how many times I've watched it. I've liveblogged it. It took three days and I hit the post limit every day.

Grand Budapest Hotel: I recently realized why I love this film and keep coming back to it. Yes it's a visual delight, yes it has all the (to me) charming set up devices, the usual Wes Anderson parade of mechanical tricks to get you into the movie, but it's really the relationship between Gustave and Zero that is the heart of the film for me and my love for Gustave knows no bounds. He's kind, he's elegant, he has impeccable taste and he is a practical man as well as a canon bisexual. The world would be a better place if there were more people like him. There is also something about the setting on the edge of fascist takeover of Europe that makes it incredibly prescient and worthwhile for me. It's a love letter to classic film, especially the Archer's and it's no accident because they went out of their way to style Ralph Fiennes like Anton Walbrook.

The Two Popes: Not Gonna Lie, was temped to put Conclave on here but in the name of battling recency bias and just being honest, I chose this film instead which I've seen four times now, as opposed to seeing Conclave just the once. Great performances here and a meaty topic to dig into: the nature of atonement versus forgiveness.

Oh...Rosalinda!: This has risen to the top to become my favorite Archer film, despite spending five years of my life co-writing a fanfiction about The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp. It's wacky, it's bizarre, it has so many strange takes and performances from my faves. It's like someone took my brain and made it into a film. Anton Walbrook and Michael Redgrave are so gay for one another in this film, director Michael Powell had to repeatedly interrupt scenes to demand they quit acting camp. It didn't work! Also Anthony Quayle soldiers through a bad Russian Accent and is adorable and I just want to drink vodka with him and dance home drunk with John Clements. The world of this film is deliberately artificial, poking fun at that the seriousness of the Cold War in a way that anticipates the attitude of Kubrick's Dr. Strangelove.

The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp: I watched this movie for the first time and just casually mentioned that it was a love story about two men that actually has a happy ending and one of my tumblr mutuals read that in my tags and next thing I know it we are talking on the phone transatlantic, visiting one another's homes and embarking on a five year writing project together. Good times. Thank you, Movie. Thank you.

I Know Where I'm Going: If you care, I used to have an old film blog on blogspot and I once did a roundup of films about Scotland, and when I didn't include this, I was chastised by my readers, who punished me by sending me a copy of the film (I can't tell you how many times this happened on my old blog.) Amazing movie and of course I fell in love with Wendy and Roger and guh....it's just so good.

Star Wars (1977): Lifechanging movie for me. Changed cinema forever, for good or for evil. A visual masterpiece. A legendary ensemble cast. Some of the hoakiest shit ever written as dialog and acted with perfect sincerity so you had hardened teenagers telling each other "May the Force Be With You." The fandom is a whole other animal, but the movie? The movie is good.

Double Indemnity: i love this movie so much because yeah it's a gay love story but it's hidden inside of one of the two most excruciatingly tense thrillers ever written. Fantastic performances from the leads, especially Stanwyck who is so nakedly ambitious that you can see the wheels turning in her head but you still root for her anyway. Damn.

Sunset Boulevard: the other most excruciatingly tense thriller ever written--despite knowing the ending from the beginning. Billy Wilder they don't make em like this anymore. THE movie about Hollywood that every other film about Hollywood has to bow down to and play homage to whether they want to or not. Wilder brought Silent Star Gloria Swanson out of retirement for this raw and entirely brave performance. Wilder's men just stand around with gaped jaws and watch Wilder's women and that's just fine with me.

Metropolitan (1990): Whit Stillman makes movies about the kinds of people I'd like to see get run over by buses--debutantes, society jerks, rich guys, the children of hedge fund managers. They are well educated, well dressed and still behave like 20 year olds which is what they are. I just love this movie, maybe it's the references to Jane Austen, maybe it's the performance of Caroline Farina as Audrey Roget, the quiet, bookish heroine who identifies with Fanny Price of Mansfield Park--the Molly Ringwald I wanted but never got in the 80s!

Mulholland Drive: Speaking of Hollywood movies that reference Sunset Boulevard... If you follow Sunset Boulevard up into the hills you will eventually cross Mulholland Drive and that's where shit really starts to get weird. Naomi Watts performance is everything here. She is so good at the sincerity bit and shifts so naturally into the cynical, dark shadow version of herself. Who knew? Well, David Lynch apparently.

The Mission: This was one of my favorite films for years. I loved the idea of Robert Deniro being a former slaver who devotes his life to the church as penance. The politics of this movie hover somewhere between Colonialist Apologia, Pure Fantasy and Revisionist History. I came very close to putting Dances With Wolves on the list, but chose this instead because it's somewhat forgotten and I think it would vibe with many of you. Note to self: would make great double feature with The Two Popes as they essentially cover the same territory: forgiveness versus atonement.

In Order of Disappearance: The Snowplow Movie! Stellan is a snowplow driver in Norway who goes on a quest to avenge his son's murder. I find this movie weirdly comforting: lots of Stellan being badass, lots of Stellan plowing roads in his giant tractor and lots of black comedy ala Fargo or Raising Arizona. (Oh shit this reminds me I meant to put Raising Arizona on my list lol oh well.) Anyway, this is a Cohen Bros. Knockoff, but that's ok because literally the U.S. film industry steals movies from Europe constantly. Also, final performance of Bruno Ganz.

Master and Commander: My beloved! One of the best period dramas ever filmed and there probably will never be a better depiction of the Napoleonic Wars than what we are given in this movie. Peter Weir takes the claustrophobic atmosphere of the ship, which is filled with great actors giving amazing performances by the way, adds the richness of authentic detail that came from the cast living on a ship to train for the movie and sound design that is so perfect as to make me think I've lived through several battles by the time the movie's over. An absolutely cracking film with so many memorable characters and moments.

The Death of Stalin: I've always loved political dramas focused on tense moments of history (I am the audience for shit like Darkest Hour I'm afraid to say). I've always loved screwball comedy. A screwball comedy set in one of the tensest moments in history? A delight from beginning to end.

The Triplets of Belleville: When my son was little we were looking for animated movies that weren't Disney to show him and came across this gem. Everyone in the family loves this movie, which is weird and a bit debauched but so beautiful and with a truly sweet message at its heart: don't fuck with grandma.

Dune (1984): My love for this movie is something I've always worn on my sleeve defiantly. I carry it into the Villeneuve era, quite aware that you think I'm just being contrarian. Well I am but I love this weird movie and it has seeped into my consciousness. I quote from this film all the time. These actors, and Lynch's vision have become Dune for me and there's no going back.

Brief Encounter: Not sure at one point in my exploration of British film, I casually thought to myself that I should watch this. I kind of wish I could find her, that pre-Brief Encounter Jenny and say, hey, it's ok, you know, there are always lovers coming together and always lovers parting. Someday you will be resting comfortably in your married bed with a laptop watching a film that makes you bawl your eyes out because it reminds you of how fucking hard it is to just walk away from someone you are in love with. You have had this experience in life and so have others. You are part of something bigger now.

The Phantom Menace: Another movie I wear defiantly. If this is one of the worst films of all time, how come I managed to sit through it nine times in the theater without ever getting bored or annoyed? I think it's because I'm a grown up but I don't expect kids' movies to be grown up too. I know that sounds mean, but like I think half the reason this was so loathed was people who had forgotten how shit star wars is. Like it's not original. It's not cool. It's very dorky and it steals from some pretty obvious and callow sources. The dialog? Anyone remember the dialog of the first three films? I was just really happy to get new star wars after such a long time and took pleasure in actually enjoying this overstuffed mess of a film because I could. Is it a series of pointless meetings interrupted by a series of pointless battles? YES. Do I care? NO. There are actual lightsaber FIGHTS and wire work and space battles and I love Qui Gonn and I love Ewan's Obi Wan and I would die for R2D2 in this film I really would.

The Gold Diggers of 1933: If there is one pre-code film everyone should watch it is this one. It captures the manic energy, the horniness, the unmatched BALLS and political commentary mixed with a kick line. Warren William is ridiculously hot and so is Joan Blondell. It's fun. It's sharp. It will cut you and laugh and you will come back begging for more, I swear.

The Thin Man: Setting the bar for hetero relationships unrealistically high since 1934. This whole series was hugely popular with good reason. It's actually hilarious and the leads are so incredibly charming. Depression era audiences wanted nothing more than a couple of rich alcoholics solving crimes and handling firearms irresponsibly. You know what? Me too. I love all of them but you have to start here with the first one, which is actually based on a Dashiell Hammet novel. The later films all follow the formula and get increasingly dumb but I just don't care. Back up to my Phantom Menace review if you don't think I have the capacity to fuck with dumb shit.

The Lady Vanishes (1938): One of the movies that The Grand Budapest Hotel references, it is set in a fake country in Europe on the eve of a fascist takeover. The lead characters get caught up in a spy adventure and fall in love. It's just so good and Michael Redgrave is just utterly perfect as the Manic Pixie Dream Boy who convinces Margaret Lockwood, about to marry a stuffy millionaire, to take a chance on love. It's a pretty standard formula but Hitchcock brings his own verve to it and bless him for his equal opportunity perversion: there are just so many shots of Michael Redgrave's tweedy bum. It's almost a framing device.

The Importance of Being Earnest: More Michael Redgrave, this time in the classic Oscar Wilde comedy. Michael was bisexual and if you have any doubt of it, just watch his performance here, his code switching is almost continuous and seamless. Every line means like seven things and Michael interprets all of them. The rest of the cast is a delight as well especially Michael Dennison's Algy and Joan Greenwood's voice alone turned me gay. It's powerful stuff.

Mr Kipps: rounding out the Michael Redgrave Trinity of films, here is one of the first classic films I ever got obsessed with. For years this movie was impossible to find. I happened to catch part of it on tv one day and went on a quest to get it. Eventually found an ad in back of a magazine, called a number of some dude with a satellite dish in like Alabama and he sent me a copy for like the cost of the tape and shipping. This guy went on to be a resource for my Cary Grant friends who eventually gathered all 72 of his films, a full decade before many of them were released on DVD. Anyway Mr. Kipps turned out to be a delightful romantic comedy that satirizes the British class system. It's got beautiful cinematography and excellent child actors, and we'd expect nothing less from director Carol Reed.

See you later, or not, for the next installment. I'm so sorry. This is my life now...

#cinemaocd's 100 faves in no order #justified

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foressfaction · 1 year ago

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:Ticci Toby:{A Rewrite}

CHAPTER 4

WARNING:: This story contains EXTREMELY triggering topics such as Domestic/Child/Substance abuse, Death, harsh language, GORE and dissociation triggers. This story mentions mental illnesses and disorders such as Depression, PTSD, ADHD, and Tourette's Syndrome. !!TICS MAY BE TRIGGERING!!

Chapter four

Later that night, Toby sat alone in his room, surrounded by notebook pages full of small doodles. Stick men and symbols, one that stood out the most, a bunch of circles and X's. He found it fun to draw, therefore obviously showed it. There was a knock on his door, glancing up, Toby hummed out a response. "Come in."

The door opened and Lyra stood in the hallway, stepping in to catch first glance at all of the little pages who Toby started to clean up, shoving it all back into the original journal he tore them from.

"Dumb, right? These d-d-drawings, am I crazy? Lyra, am I a freak."

Lyra's eyes widened softly as she got down to sit in front of him. "no no no you're not, who told you that?"

Toby turned and pulled something from his bag, the note that was slammed onto his back when leaving school. He unwrinkled the paper and held it out of her. Lyra's shoulders dropped, it seemed she too had the same reaction to the note as he did when he first laid eyes on it. Her eyes darted back up to him with an angry expression. "You're seriously going to let these kids bully you like this?" Toby just looked down with a huff.

"I've never been put with these kinds of k-kids, i c-can't blame them if they hate me, hah..i'm not exactly that likable."

Lyra was quick to correct him, grabbing his right hand. "Don't say that, Toby, you're the strongest, most lovable person I know, you mean so much to me..i…I can't bear seeing this happen to you." tears were forming in her eyes, her hand squeezing his.

"Here…" She held his hand up and mimicked something with her other hand. "I'm going to show you how to make a fist, okay." She moved his hand into a fist shape, making sure his thumb was rested over his fingers. "Make sure your thumb is always on top, if not, you'll break it." Her words were gentle, and so were her movements. She was careful about his jerky arms, keeping them down if he was going to accidentally hit her or himself. Lyra continued on with explaining the idea of fighting. She did take 6 years of karate before the family broke apart. "Your hands are weapons, don't ever use them unless you have a good reason..if someone hits you first, go crazy, kick, hit, bite even."

Toby laughed a little, it was a weak one, but he did laugh. The idea of biting someone was somewhat funny. "No but I am serious." She admitted, earning his eyes to glance back up, locking onto her worried expression. "Promise me you will stick up for yourself..if this progresses. The last thing I want to see is you hurt."

Her hand still laid over his now fist of a hand. Toby then made a fist with his other hand, showing her. Lyra nodded. "Yep, just like that." She lowered it. "I want you to be…violent when it's the time, but i also don't want to be blamed if you accidentally knock someone unconscious." She slightly joked, but it was also serious.

Toby looked down with a small hum. "Please, Toby?"

He looked up. "Don't hurt anyone unless they hurt you." She warned.

Toby just stayed quiet, but eventually spoke. "Okay, I promise, but wh-what about dad? When he hurts mom—" He was cut off quickly by her tugging his arm. "That's a different story…We're talking kids the same age as you,"

"But when he hurts you—is that an e-e-excuse to hit him?" Lyra quickly just pulled him into a hug once more, squeezing tighter than she usually would. Was this an attempt to shut him up? "Let's not talk about that yet…If it was an excuse don't you think i would've done something about this by now?"

She shivered a little, not letting go. "School will be over in just a few months..it'll go fast, i really hope you won't need to use these." She gestured to his hands, by which she just saw a few new blemishes that covered them.

"Are you chewing on them again?" Lyra asked with a sad sigh.

"mhh yes but- not as much as last year." The last thing Toby wanted were those tight straps of gauze wrapped around his hands to the point he couldn't even use them.

"Okay, get some sleep bud..like actually, get some sleep..it's starting to look like you got into my eyeliner again." she gestured to his dark circles that were beginning to get more and more noticable.

Toby nodded and sat everything that was once strolled out to the side by his night stand. Lyra left the room and closed the door.

Toby looked down to his hands, seeing the gnawing marks and small concrete scrapes from falling so much. His knees and elbows were covered in healing and recent bruises, who knows how many little cuts and scratches he had in total. He never could remember getting most of them.

At night his room would get pretty creepy. The whole night was the definition of paranoia. Toby would make out black shadows, deep whispers and even started to feel pressure on his bed like something was crawling onto it, or sitting on the edge. Toby would make himself as small as possible when he slept, in an attempt to not be woken up by his mind playing tricks on him.

Weeks would go by painfully slowly. Toby started to feel like he lived at school and only visited home. On this day though…He wished he never did come home.

•••••

#creepypasta #slenderverse #foressfaction #ticci toby #toby rogers #ticci toby creepypasta #ticcitobyrewrite #rewrite #creepypastarewrite

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