#I still hate it. I hate not knowing
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the world, the Bible, every decent Christian I’ve ever spoken to: you know that being a Christian isn’t about rules and is in fact about a relationship with God, right?
me (autistic) (very young): yes! Quick question, how do I do that?
my parents, whom im beginning to realize might have been Mistaken about some things: well obviously you read the Bible and memorize all the rules in it, and if you think something might be right or wrong you check against the rules in the Bible!
me, (again, autistic): ok! Those are definitely different things and not the same thing in a different hat!
Me, recently, (I must stress, so so so autistic) watching the ‘rule’ that you will know someone’s relationship with Christ by the fruits of the spirit and the ‘rule’ that being gay or supporting gay people is morally wrong and you cannot maintain a relationship with God while living in sin like that smash into one another in real time as every actually decent Christian I’ve seen in the past six months has been either Gay or supportive of the LGBTQ: …… oh shit have I been being homophobic and weirdly rules-lawyery the whole time. How the fuck did that happen? Where did the idea that ‘a relationship with God’ equals ‘knowing all the rules and checking everything against them?’ come from?
my parents in actual recent conversation: you cannot trust your understanding of God or your mind to adequately reach out to Him! You cannot trust your relationship with Him to be enough! To be on the safe side you should focus on what you can fully know (the Bible)! This totally isn’t self-contradictory considering you have to rely on your mind to interpret the Bible also!!
me, (very near an autistic meltdown): oh so. Oh so I’ve been faith-by-works-ing my way through this. I saw ‘we cannot fully rely on our own power to know what God wants’ and instead of going ‘so I should Ask Him’ I went ‘so I shouldn’t even try to ask and should instead follow a bunch of mostly made up rules.’ Great. Love that for me. I gotta change that now I fucking guess. Can I at least get a solid answer on whether wanting to marry someone of the same gender is chill or not, because I’m fighting fucking battles right now between my conservative family and my liberal friends and I want to not keep having to say “I guess I’m just not sure” every time someone gives a half-decent argument either way.
God, giving a shockingly clear and immediate answer: Girl you are single and entirely unready for a relationship. Also you’re ace. Also we just spent all this time on how you’re struggling because you’re terrified of trusting me with telling you whether something is wrong or not because you don’t believe I’ll tell you when you need to know. You don’t need to know right now. You’re working through this mental hypothetical because you’re anxious and untrusting. You are completely and painfully single. Having some all-powerful sign that confirmed for all time that this was right or wrong would do absolutely nothing for you right now. It’d change nothing about how you treat gay people - you treat them well anyway. The only thing it would do would make you feel (falsely) like you wouldn’t need to rely on me anymore. Literally why would I do that.
me: …….. well shit, ok then. That. Ok. Turns out Just Asking Him without checking the rules first… works. Ok. Ok ok ok. Very chill very cool very chill very cool.
#Molten rambles#Christianity#this is long and rambling and maybe slightly controversial my bad gang#Having a bit of a meltdown over here 👍#“Hey have you considered your longstanding anxiety and constant mental anguish over your incapacity to decide-#-whether being gay was fully and completely morally good or bad is in fact an indicator that that’s how you think about morality in-#-the first place? And that that’s wrong? And in fact antithetical to a healthy relationship with and reliance on God? No?#Well consider it. Try holding space for nuance. Try not being certain about something. Try letting God handle something. Try loving people#-even if you don’t know perfectly for certain that what they’re doing is right or wrong. Try letting them handle their own-#Conscience and relationship with the Lord and just dealing with your own shit. Yknow. Like it says to in the Bible.”#Shocker really#I still hate it. I hate not knowing#I hate loving people so so so much and then having the little voice on the back of my head say “ok but they’re doing something Wrong”#And not being able to shut that voice up with Rules. Not being able to prove to my anxiety with Facts and Logic that it’s stupid and mean#Not knowing if it’s the Holy Spirit or my parents hatred rubbing off on me. But that’s the point#Nothing about my behavior would change if I knew it were right or wrong. Literally nothing#I’d treat people the same way. I’d vote the same. And I don’t have any imminent decisions to make concerning this.#The only thing it’d do is give me an easy out on my own unhealthy self-reliance and lack of trust#So here we are ig#Why is this so hard <- maintaining an interpersonal relationship with the God of the universe a thing that is normal to want#And also possible to achieve??? Absolutely wild
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Sorry if I'm mixing you up with someone else, but you've worked security before, right?
If you're willing, I'd be really interested on your thoughts on the murderbot diaries or murderbot as a character with that in mind?
Like did you recognise aspects of your job in murderbots descriptions of security work? Or did they like throw you out of immersion in the story?
Anyway thanks and hope you're having a good day/evening wherever you are!
As a security guard who has read the first two Murderbot books, Murderbot has been the number one most realistic security specialist character I have ever seen in media so far 😭
The third most annoying thing in security in my experience is handling threats. The second most annoying thing is having no threats to handle and being bored. The number one most annoying thing is the client being an idiot
Ihave social anxiety which I am medicated for. When I am in uniform with clear instructions, that anxiety is zero. I have a script and a set of rules and that makes life easy. I’m super good at performing tasks with clear expectations and that’s kinda how I keep getting good offers, it’s super straightforward
Bad clients are clients who give stupid, inefficient, counterproductive, cruel, or flat-out illegal orders. There are ways of shutting that shit down without them losing heir shit, but it’s still a pain in the ass every time
I’m a security specialist. I specialize in security. This is what I am trained for- handling crisis situations and minimizing harm. If you, an off-shift cashier at pet smart, see me deescalating a situation and decide you’re gonna drop your untrained uninformed ass in there with zero context or skills and “help” because I look small and helpless, then all you’re doing is increasing my likelihood of getting hurt while increasing my paperwork load by like two hours, and I’m gonna hate you the entire time. What you have essentially done is promoted me to meat shield while giving the aggressor I’m calming down an obnoxious and aggravating hostage. Good god please do not
Yes, I am sometimes asked to stand perfectly still in a corner for several hours like a mannequin. What do I do to avoid going insane? Think about Star Trek and the very good fanfiction I’ll be reading on my break, mostly
Yes I can assist in evacuating tw location in the event of an environmental disaster. No I cannot tell my waiter that they put cilantro on the wrong order. Yes this makes perfect sense
I love Murderbot. I love how realistic it is. Like obviously I can’t speak for everyone in the industry but yeah I’ve worked for absolute dogshit security companies in the past and yeah a lot of the books so far are super accurate to that experience so A+ so far, honestly
#Murderbot#the Murderbot diaries#teablart#Honestly I would never want to BE a security guard like Murderbot cause it seems really unhappy with it’s position in life#and it’s ‘employers’ understandably#But it seems like a partner I’d really enjoy working with#Feels like annoying chatter would be at a minimum and tasks would still get passably done#It might hate me though#I’m a bit neurotic and tend to care too much about following rules and doing well#I think about the job too much#Murderbot I could see being much happier as an EMT#Or a park ranger#I don’t know if Murderbot would be happiest doing guard work even if it had personhood and a choice#Even me… I think I’m mostly here cause it’s what I know#I think a lot of people live like that#doing what we know#whether or not it makes us happy
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red crowned crane grian
#i started this one so long ago. months#i fully intended for it to be line and color#i do not know what happened but i got like possessed or something to draw a full background#so i ended up spending far too long on it and going through many stages of hate love pain joy and suffering#the thing i was caught up on the most was the water#it still doesn't look right but shhhhhh im not dealing with it any longer#it looks fine enough as is#my favorite part was adding the clouds#oh god that was so fun!!! the sky was feeling kinda bland then i added the clouds#they were so pleasant to do#also you cant really see it well but im very happy with the fish#it is a perch specifically#fish <3#overall im quite happy with this despite the ups and downs#it feels calm#grian#grian fanart#hermitcraft#raff's art
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i love my kind of shitty son
#my stance on asriel and flowey is that they are very much the same person#ill die on this hill#i love him so so much#i think. i think hed still be kind of mean sometimes even if he gets to be asriel again#its habit. i know hed try to change and i think thats true but hes been so cynical and mean and hateful for so long#anyways . my thoughts#undertale#fanart#undertale fanart#flowey#asriel#asriel dreemurr
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I love need you
#tried my hand at painting and BOOF idk if it’s for me this took forever and I hate it lmao#still good practice tho!!!#destiel#dean winchester#castiel#supernatural#spn#spn 8x17#goodbye stranger#I’m pretty sure that’s the episode#ya ya crypt scene were familiar#sorry I haven’t made spn art in a bit I’ve been stuck in bagginshield hell#my art#<- thank you so much to the person who let me know that this wasn’t originally a tag I included!!#<3333
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i'm a little afraid to go to pride this year. many of us are, a little. sitting around our tapas and video games, the silence that hangs over the discord server. it feels different, we say.
we're privileged. the community that came before us laid the groundwork so i could be raised in a different world, and i will never forget their sacrifices and dedication. they gave us this: a pride that feels like community and celebration and joy. i remember the first few times i went to a queer event - i'd been raised so catholic. feeling safe like that, for the first time... it saved my life. i go to pride to celebrate that feeling - my people, laughing. out in the sun, the way we couldn't have been even 25 years ago. that feeling: no wonder we call it "pride."
who am i to be afraid anyway. there are parts of the world where people are doing much better work than i am. but it's just: i felt at home there, you know? and this year feels different. we are waiting on the dam to break. last year, at boston pride, there was a whole gaggle of sign-holders shouting about jesus. you walk around them and try not to let it get to you.
this year, i'm going to DC's pride with my girlfriend. google sends me concerns about if it's safe to exist in trump's america, if World Pride is a bigass target on all of us. every article uses the words "safety concerns" many, many times. three days ago i witnessed a shooting.
even straight people keep telling me - people are weird lately. sometimes we blame it on Covid and sometimes we blame it on the full moon. but i do remember a time before this, right. it's not just that people are more comfortable being rude. it's this strange, outwards violence. a comfort in being cruel.
it's a big hole to fall down anyway. it's not like they're going to do anything to make pride safe, not really. i don't want a police presence as the solution. and what if this is just fearmongering! what if this is just to get us to stop attending our own events! what if everything is actually fine, and i'm just freaked out by the stated intentions of our president!
and what if i'm just listening to things that are being said. what if i'm weighing the shape and size of this america accurately.
my mother calls me. she's been getting the articles too. i assure her i'll be careful, but i put the phone down and stare at it. i'm going to go to pride. other people made it safe for me, it is my duty and my honor to show up for my community. the only thing we've ever had was each other. it was always an act of bravery. being ourselves is brave.
but i am afraid. i lay out my outfit and i kiss my girlfriend. i cut my nails and clean up my undercut. i hold her hand and hang the sunset flag. the sound of this america feels different. like a volcano trembling. i will love her and i will love being queer and i will sing over the noise of it.
but ... still. in the back of my mind. that feeling, like something terrible has been shifted. like somewhere in the night - they remembered we're different.
#spilled ink#warm up#please do not be weird on this#i hate when i express a real fear/etc that is normal to have -- like being scared of violence in trump's america#and ppl immediately are like ''isn't it nice ur afraid this year but u haven't been previously??? imagine being afraid every year''#not the point of this post and also not true just not included in the body of the work. u do not know me personally.#''ur lucky u have a pride'' yes i know this & am aware of it. can still be afraid of violence.#''well i think [misunderstanding of the post]''#this is about feeling the genuine shift politically that has occurred in trumps america wherein extremist ideas are more accepted.#'' WELLLLLLL'' . it's a tumblr post. go to bed.#<- poet who has made the mistake of being honest about her feelings 1 too many times#i just write about stuff i think other people can relate to. and i think i've felt this very loudly#and if u dont relate okay! it wasn't written for u then. it was written to comfort someone else.#anyway. i love u all happy pride. genuinely.#come say hi if u see me#feel free to dm me if ur also at pride i'll tell u what im wearing we can hunt each other down for sport#((just realizing right now in the tags that the shooting probably traumatized me lol))
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I redrew rambs sprites is there a power strip emoji
🔌 does this count

The descriptions I gave each expression are what they're called in the files :]
Like and subscribe if you'd shed a tear for a bloke who does fuck all
#deltarune#my art#deltarune ramb#ramb deltarune#ramb#deltarune chapter 3#im not a butt chin truther im a butt chin accepter#he still has a stubble goatee thing tho look at his sideways sprites#guess my favorite character challenge#im torn between believing he'll be relevant in the theoretical post-full release 'new-game-plus'#or what he was in chapter 3 is what he's supposed to be and changing that would be a disservice to what the chapter was trying to tell us#cus on one hand during the entire chapter we've been waiting on the knights arrival without knowing that#maybe in the 'retake' of this chapter ramb does get a shadow crystal and does become the secret boss#cus if the knight wasn't late we wouldn't have fought them and there wouldn't be a secret boss#BUT ramb was SUPPOSED to be a misdirection. he ticked all the boxes of a secret boss without being one ON PURPOSE!#cus this chapter was subverting our expectations of deltarunes 'formula'#and if ramb came back in new game plus and undid his part in that it would take away from it#BUT THEN??? WHY???? DID WE NEED TO KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT HIM???? WHY??? DID HE GET THIS ↑↑↑ MANY EXPRESSIONS?? WHY ARE THEY SO SUBTLE???????#ARE WE SUPPOSED TO CARE ABOUT HIM AND LOOK INTO WHAT HIS DEAL IS OR NOT????#WAS IT ALL A MISDIRECTION OR WERE PARTS OF IT ACTUALLY A SET UP FOR NEW GAME PLUS??????#idk. but i do know that i love that little prick#i should just write an actual post about him instead of screaming in the tags sgsjgdjd#oh and btw I don't actually think the pippins hate him lol. i think everyone is indifferent towards him until he makes himself known#then it turns to annoyance#anyways if you're reading this i hope youre doing well 🩷🩷 take it easy :]]
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What once was one, then was two…
My entry for draw the princess contest.
#stp#slay the princess#I am entirely too soft for these two#this piece is really too big but eh I still like it#Knowing my shit luck it probably won't be picked by the randomizer thingy they're going to use#but that sketch was too cute to not finish#worth it#anyway I hate those trees
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So… Goldbug often shows up in cannon after Bee has died and gets brought back
And uhh, Bee was “dead” for 15 years in EarthSpark
Stands to reason that 15 years of isolation where you’re banned from contact with ANYONE (subsequently being forced to suffer the guilt of knowing all your loved ones think you’re dead) after several thousand years of war AND another unspecified time stuck alone on Cybertron fighting for your life, may drive one a little insane…
ON THAT NOTE!!
Have my GoldSpark AU
Where Bee invents Goldbug in his head to actually cope with literally every single thing that’s happened his entire life (similar to Steve and AA-Tron ect in TFO)
Except GB is just as protective of the Maltos as Bee and is not afraid to get his servos dirty

Idk how to draw ES bee, sue me
Plus a bonus sprinkling of my head cannon that Bee aged into an adult during his time in hiding because I enjoy emotionally hurting my faves :3

#art#my art#fanart#transformers#transformers earthspark#transformers idw#bumblebee#bumblebee comic#goldbug#angst#tf#transformers au#tf earthspark#earthspark bumblebee#goldspark au#I’m sorry but I hate ES Optimus so much#bee is a malto whether he knows it or not#maccadam#macaddams#my au#bumblebee deserves so much better my gosh someone hug him or smthn#I took creative liberties with Goldbugs design my bad#that feeling when your imaginary friend would actually kill for you and your family#GB is mainly inspired by Shattered Glass btw#pretend like I know what I’m doing#quick sketch#I am NOT drawing Bee with the Autobot insignia because he WAS IN HIDING FOR 15 YEARS#there’s NO way he was going undetected when entering popular races with that red target painted on his bonnet#he’s still an Autobot he just understands how to actually be a scout and SNEEK
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I would have followed you, my brother... my captain... my king.
#lotr#lotredit#tolkienedit#sourcetolkien#filmedit#me on my 4th rewatch this month: no way he's going to die#usersansa#thelordsoftherings#southfarthing#thcrin#userfrodosam#myedits#gif#boromir#aragorn#i'm still not sure how i feel about the color grading of the 4k fotr remaster#i know everyone hated the green tint of the extended edition release but i got so used to it 😭
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don't feel too well//you're always on my mind
#my art#hina.sketch#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#yuji itadori#fushiguro megumi#itafushi#sukuna#ryomen sukuna#draws 3/4 of a sukuna says Thank You now i can tag him yippee#anyway its weekly sketch sheet time yaaaay#grits teeth sketching is a part of art sketching is a skill i can build i might not have fun now but someday i Will#honestly i dont hate my sketches i just havent hit a place where i recognize them as Mine yet if tht makes sense#i like these ok tho!! i am particularly fond of athletic compression socks yuuji i think tht one is miku voice Mwah#i feel myself gravitating towards sketching yuuji as a default which is new and unusual as a megumi main#but i wont complain im all for the extra practice w this kid bc god knows he goes through phases of fighting me when i try 2 draw him#perhaps this wave of yuuji insp signals th beginning of a new era#but what is more likely is th fact tht i just finished yuuji's bday piece and he's still fresh on the brain and in my hand muscles#either way we stay winning smile
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so, i hit 1k sometime in the beginning of June ✨🥳. Which means my incessant yapping about absolutely nothing on every post I make and multiple months-long unannounced hiatuses didn't scare all of you off yet, so thanks for that y'all.
No, but for real tho, I genuinely want to express my gratitude to each and every one of you for putting up with me and all my BS, so my 1k+ gift exclusively consists of hairs requested by YOU! Which is totally about giving back to the community that has supported me and NOT just an excuse to dump all the requests that have been sitting here piling up for months.
there are only 7 hairs in the preview image but a bunch of these are from sets, so all-in-all you're getting 17 female hairs!
INFORMATION:
None of this is my original work! All mesh credit goes to @sheabuttyr, @ebonixsims, @daylifesims, @simstrouble!
Set contains 17 hairs for for Teen ➤ Elder Females
due to how the meshes where made the Poloma Passion Twists and Monae Beads don't have root/tip controls so they’re only 2 channels the rest are 4 like normal.
credits, preview pictures, links to originals, poly counts and individual download links for every hair is under the cut.
polycounts are ALL over the place. Lowest hair is +10k, Highest one is +32k. Please reference the list under the cut before downloading!
Files comes in two flavors: Merged and Unmerged
Both types contain the exact same type of stuff (package file and preview images) except version one is one big merged file and the version has individual files.
[DOWNLOAD MERGED]
[DOWNLOAD UNMERGED]
[PICK AND CHOOSE]
Tagging list: @pis3update, @naturalhair-sims3, @xto3conversionsfinds, @kpccfinds
@simstrouble Adeline Braids//22.2k poly// requested by @paigeywaigeyy
[DOWNLOAD]
@sheabuttyr: London Locs // 16.2k Poly //requested by @thesirensims
[DOWNLOAD]
@daylifesims: Honey Sun Clover Dreadlocks v1// 10.8K Poly //requested by anon
[DOWNLOAD]
@daylifesims: Honey Sun Clover Dreadlocks v2// 10.9K Poly // Under hats // fully recolorable// 1 channel// requested by anon
[DOWNLOAD]
@ebonixsims: Monae Beadset V1//32.7K Poly! // Under hats // Recolorable beads 4 channels//no tips or root controls due to mesh//requested by anon
[DOWNLOAD]
@ebonixsims: Monae Beadset V2//30.5K Poly! // Under hats // Recolorable// 4 channels//no tips or root controls due to mesh//requested by anon
[DOWNLOAD]
@daylifesims :Honey Sun Alfalfa Braids v1// 10.1K Poly // Under hats // fully recolorable// 1 channel// requested by anon
[DOWNLOAD]
@daylifesims :Honey Sun Alfalfa Braids v2// 10.1K Poly // Under hats // fully recolorable// 1 channel// requested by anon
[DOWNLOAD]
@sheabuttyr: Daija Dreads V1 // 28.6k Poly //requested by anon.
[DOWNLOAD]
@sheabuttyr: Daija Dreads V2 // 30.8k Poly! //requested by anon
[DOWNLOAD]
@sheabuttyr: Paloma Passion Twist V1// 25k Poly//requested by @paigeywaigeyy
[DOWNLOAD]
@sheabuttyr:Paloma Passion Twist V2// 25k Poly//requested by @paigeywaigeyy
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@sheabuttyr:Paloma Passion Twist V3// 25k Poly//requested by @paigeywaigeyy
[DOWNLOAD]
@sheabuttyr:Paloma Passion Twist V4// 25k Poly//requested by @paigeywaigeyy
[DOWNLOAD]
@sheabuttyr:Paloma Passion Twist V5// 25kPoly //requested by @paigeywaigeyy
[DOWNLOAD]
@sheabuttyr:Paloma Passion Twist V6// 25kPoly //requested by @paigeywaigeyy
[DOWNLOAD]
@sheabuttyr:Paloma Passion Twist V7// 25kPoly //requested by @paigeywaigeyy
[DOWNLOAD]
@sheabuttyr:Paloma Passion Twist V8/ /25kPoly //requested by @paigeywaigeyy
[DOWNLOAD]
#ts3cc#s3cc#ts3 cc#ts3 download#ts3#s3 cc#ts3 dl#s3 dl#sims 3#4t3#black simblr#black sims cc#[mine]#remember when i thought i was gonna have this ready for Juneteenth 😂#real life has FINALLY slowed to the point I can start posting regularly again hopefully#lord knows these months long hiatuses are neither cutesy nor demure#but also tbf I've had all these hairs done and uploaded to sfs for a month and a half but never made a post cuz i hated the graphic#and now i've reworked the graphic THRICE and I still hate it...but it is what it is at this point🙃#also shoutout to the adeline braids for reminding me of the bob length box braids I had freshman year of high school#and that I got called fucking “good burger” for a solid 4 and a half months because of it#also also if you look closely you might be able to see what the next big set is 🤫
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Eve, Kate, Mark and Rex! Nailing some ideas down on how I wanna draw them in the future, and enjoying messing with their designs like usual! Not a fix-it whatsoever just fun + ref for the future! I cannot do realistic styles so translating them into something I can do while still being recognizable is peak. I will mess with Rex's suit more. Trust. I Kate so much now. Look at her <333333
#the brainrotsreal's art tag ✧˖°:*♡#invincible fanart#invincible#mark grayson#digital art#fanart#procreate art#rex splode#duplikate#atom eve#eve wilkins#RAMBLE TIMEEEEEEEEEEEE#MARK: again he's got his mother's pearl earrings as a winky wink to batman reference + fun inkling that he is ALSO his mom's son#MARK: adding to the whole difference of civvie/hero persona he's a bit more miserable looking and anxious w/o the suit while emotional in i#but also means he's eager and confident when he does think he knows what he's doing. but is not as confident outside of it.#heroism is his chance to prove his worth in his eyes even after Dad Realization because know he has to prove he ISNT his Dad.#Basically Invincible will always need to prove himself but he doesn't know how to do that as Mark Grayson. so gold = joy/confidence#stays on Invincible. but not mark#REX: easy peezy a spiky hair style to wink more at his passionate and louder personality as well as wink to the explosion thing#REX: gold earrings and shoulders exposed as civvie because i know in my soul he WOULD. like i cant even explain he told me himself.#goggle change to lean more into the style change! pupil-less design!! and gold eyes cause he got experimented on/powers ingrained.#the dangling bit from the goggles screams fighter and since he does ALSO need to fight it makes sense#KATE: new haircut cause i cant stand her normal one istg. ugh. but keeping the same vibe! leaning more into ben 10 type of elements since#numbers ARE a point of her design AND power so it was only fitting! i love her suit so much#NOWWWWW since she is A REAL FIGHTER like her only thing is multiplying still mean she knows how to throw a punch and MOVE i figure#she works out a ton and has a more flexible sporty fit going on so she's got a hoodie crop top. ready to jog at all times.#once in my brain she's the vague sorta raven of the group (more isolated and withdrawn since she doesn't rlly interact with anyone)#added black made SENSEEEEE#EVEEE: easiest to do because she is starfire of the group so i got possessed! honestly kept all her colors except tried to move around the#logo a bit more and take slight inspo from Justice league Green lantern's design + tweak the logo cause i realized i hate it KSDKS
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alfred livestreaming his breakdown to the entire us public (as his pr team devolves into chaos)
#hey. fellow americans. how we uh. how we feeling. how we doing. its not going great is it. hence this piece...#hws america#aph america#hetalia#my nyart#i know that canonically he streams silly stuff all the time. but that would Literally Never Be Allowed#his img is very tightly controlled... at least his gov tries LOL. hes too impulsive still!#'do you think alfred would do food reviews' in canon hetalia yeah. in my Mind Palace not really.#mind palace refers to my specific morbid interpretation of hetalia which is more Dark and Gritty /ref and Realistic (hl2 death sound effect#ok enough. gn#i struggled with trying to fix this for so long and yet its so simple.i even redrew it and STILL hated it.#idk maybe i used up all mah juice in that candygo/re piece X) still wanna drawwwwwwwwww mooooooreeee!
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And they ask me // Is it going good in the garden? // I say I'm lost but I beg no pardon
#sleep token#sleep token fanart#vessel#sleep token vessel#vessel sleep token#caramel#even in arcadia#man. fuck man. this song#i started this before the song was out bc the single's art is beautiful#and i wanted to draw vessel with the morningstar#but i had to take a day to myself before finishing this#caramel is such a gorgeous and heartbreaking song#when people demanded heavy music i bet they didn't mean it like this#listening to it feels like vessel just flipped open his diary and sung a few pages from it#i get vessel#i feel deeply for him#we live in a world where privacy is nonexistent#where kindness is less and less expected from strangers#where people harass and threaten others in online spaces#where the only goal is to consume more and more and more until there's nothing left#as someone who's gonna probably lose her job in a few years to ai and greed#i too know how does it feel to hate the thing you love doing the most (art)#but still love it the same#anyways sorry for all the rambling :::')
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listen there really was just something about how in the book, snow’s 3-page descent from hesitant lover boy to deluded mfer happens entirely in his mind. lucy gray gives him no indication whatsoever that she suspects him, that she’s going to leave or betray him. he’s just sitting quietly in the cabin waiting for her to return when that seed of calculated suspicion, which he has needed to survive the capitol, takes a hold of him and chokes the life out of any goodness left inside him. it really drives home your terror as a reader that “oh my god did he kill her? did she escape? what happened to her? why would he even think that?” in a way that when the movie had to adjust for visualization it lost some of that holy shit this guy has lost it emphasis.
#seeing some discourse and im not saying lucy grey didnt know#im saying she never dropped the kind of hints that she knew like she did in the movie#or if she did snow isnt worried about them until he very suddenly is consumed by them#snow is not concerned about whether or not she believed him. of course she did! hes snow!#but then shes gone…. for a while……#and its the sudden immediate drastic unravelling that comes across so clearly in the book#that i knew wouldn’t translate to screen yet still cant help but miss#the hunger games#coriolanus snow#tbosas#lucy gray baird#not a crime or anything just a note that i cannot stop thinking about#the ballad of songbirds and snakes#this is all from memory of reading it quite a while ago. so maybe 3 pages is an exaggeration#but i remember it happening VERY quickly and without much external cause#like we as the reader have no indication as to whether shes nearby or not.#snow has no idea either. he just SUSPECTS. and his suspicion breeds the hatred that has been bubbling inside him all this time#he hates how she undoes him. he hates that he WOULD run away with her if shed let him keep his secrets#and he HATES more than anything that she makes him WANT to tell his secrets#he wants to be vulnerable and reveal the ugly nasty parts about himself and still be loved#but he does not let himself and it is everyone’s downfall#he chooses cruelty bc it is easy and familiar and makes him feel more powerful than the vulnerable give and take that real love requires
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