#I think this is my first time actually Posting it though

[obsessive-daydreamer]

You're a real one, honestly.

Thank you tanya

Alright, I want to tag everyone in the server. But I don't know everyone's tumblr tags, so that's not happening. Here's a few:

@roterstern Literally one of my best mates. We talk literally all the time, you make beautiful art and have made art specifically for me, which I ogle every day. I know we became friends because I wrote filthy Lore/Hugh smut for you, and it's the most important fic to me for that reason. I get excited every time the little online symbol pops up on discord, and I 100% overshare constantly with you. And you accept it every single time. I cherish our conversations, and every discussion that we have means the world to me, whether you think it was silly or not.

@tanyayoung-322 (who tagged me) ^ as I said at the very top. You're very lovely and are one of the people I met at the beginning. Somehow one of the most tolerant people (of me) that I know. Even though I'm a nasty British bitch

@hawkstar5 literally the number 1 supporter of the discord server, love you for that. Actually, was the first person i got to know on tumblr. We met through smutty roleplay. Another person I've met through smut - fancy that.

@xm0-m0x For being British and really funny. You also draw some banging art, which I realised today I forget to respond to half the time, but I can guarantee I do stare at it for ages. Heart emoji, heart emoji, boobies emoji.

@dawnkiller08 This one is a little out of the blue but I'm pretty sure we met on TikTok. I sometimes tag you in ask games because in my head you're a treasured mutual. (Hope the tagging doesn't annoy you 😭) You also drew Lore with cat ears (had to double check this because it was so long ago. Your account was very long and my hand hurts from scrolling right to the bottom, but I can confirm. The post is indeed there).

@drfuckerm-d ngl mate i really like you. And slag. I love the little video things you do with the sound overlays too. I've actually watched some of them on repeat bc im kind of addicted to your art style.

@dataentryspecialist BRO I ALMOST FORGOT YOU. If I remember correctly, you were the first person I ever dmed on tumblr? Or maybe it was the second...not sure. But I wanted to bookbind Electric Excavations and you gave me the big thumbs up and so far only one (of probably something ridiculous like 15) books has been bounf. 1.3 million words is INSANE. I currently have the second part stashed in a pillow waiting for when I return to bookbinding and can bind it. I'm making it my goal for 2027. Maybe 2028.

(Also means I need to redownload Electric Excavations and my computer is really going to hate me but ohh wellllll...)

I'm also tagging other people I'm friends with on the server but forgot the tumblr handles for ily <33

favirote moots?

(People you tag have to reblog and say their favorite moots)

Okay wait

@ibrokeurheartbcuzubrokemine @foliverfalls @allyeilishh @addisonraesbaby @emiliesblohsh @bilsslut @noodleswashere @bilsbabyy @bitchesbrokenpromises @billsdollie

[tare-anime]

After posting the observation that both Loid and Yor were injured at the same arm, during a kind of simmilar arc, I have a further contemplation....

My... my ... both TwiYor actually has bleed for one another 😲😲

Like... both has actually enduring a bleeding wound for the other. 🥹🥹🥹

I mean, if we look again during the Mole Hunting arc, Loid was shot on his arm because he was hesitating in hurting Yuri, because Yuri IS important to Yor.

He hesitated to hurt other people. That has been his nature all along.

But actually, during this particular event, he hesitated because he care for Yor and her wellbeing.

Even though he didn't understand his actions, because Twilight is a man of logic -- and none of this feelings shenanigans can be logical in any form or way -- Twilight cannot understand why he acted that way.

Eventually, he relucantly connected the dots, and reluctantly admits that he unintentionally has made Yor as his weakness.

And as a man who will always -- and has to prioritize his logic, Loid then choose to "nip the problem in the bud" (or a thing similar to that).

But as we can see from several chapters after that, especially at chapter 94 (the snow lodge adventure) and chapter 103 (the watching belle adventure), we know that no matter how many logic he pour unto stopping this ridiculous illogical feelings (or so he thought), his body reacts the other way.

He can't help but listen, and relax whenever he is with Yor. He might be won't admit it out loud, but his body language shows how much he appreciates Yor being by his side.

But...... (I think) Loid will not act upon such thing.

Nope.

He prefer to keep things working the way it has been.

He prefer to maintain the status quo, because it's comfortable.

The logical question would be: Why would someone try to move things that have been working properly as it is, and overcomplicated things?

Now, Twilight might be not as extreme as Hemlock or Nightfall in embracing loneliness, but as Matthew has said, someone gain power from "have nothing to loose".

I think, Twilight has put himself in this category.

Yor, on the other hand, is different.

As a character, she is already different -- if not opposite of Twilight by design.

While Twilight will try his best not to hurt people (I say he might even try to push them away if it means they will be save), Yor will not hesitate to hurt those dare to hurt her few -- but very important people.

As we can see it from the early days of the series, Yor has been, and always will be this way.

She will act first (to help, to protect) and think of consequences (especially if it "only" endangered herself) later.

That is why, as seen from the Cruise arc, only when she has found her resolve-- her goal -- that Yor will fight back, and never hesitate in enduring several "unfatal" injuries if it means she can punch down her enemies, and at the end ensuring the safety of her most precious people.

The same happen when she was facing Hemlock.

But during this Garden Introduction arc, there's been something that has been bothering Yor.

Unlike Twilight who always think things through, Yor leans more to feel things.

She knows that there are somethings different in her heart right now.

Somethings that's not as "simple" as continuing her role as Anya's mother, or her role as the sharpest thorn Garden has ever had.

It is something more deep, more alien to her.

She wants something for herself.

Apparently this wants is not just a "status", or a "safe place to stay".

Maybe it's more deep than that.

We know it is acceptance that Yor has been wanting for so long. But it seems Yor herself cannot pin point what she actually wants.

As we can see from chapter 114 (the Briars day out), we can see (and assume) that Yor never act to fulfill her own wants. She will always put other's wants first, and never address her own.

This time however, it's different.

She wants to be accepted -- openly -- for who she is.

And for some reason (we know what the reason is 😏) Yor wants it to last forever -- if possible.

So, I guess, I agree with the discussion with several discord moots, that with Matthew's push, Yor will finally act to find out -- to hear and see it by herself -- to know where does she stand in the Forger family (or in Loid's heart) as a wife.

This will be a development of Yor questioning her role as a mother during chp 35.

Because, considering the danger nature of her job as an assassin, "hesitation will end up making everyone hurt".

And that is one thing that Yor will do in whatever power she has to prevent.

So, in different way than Twilight, this time, once again Yor will act and find out....

I also love the insight from other reviewers and moots, that said, this time -- for the first time -- Yor will once again push the balance (or status quo) of Loid and Yor's relationship.

She will be the one brave enough to knock on Loid's room door (or a metaphore of Loid's heart) -- a place so private -- so cold and calculative and full of logic -- to find out whether her feelings are true and can be reciprocate, or not.

And maybe depends on what Loid's answer will be, Yor will act accordingly.

Let just hope this bravery of Yor will have a happy result that she -- and by extension us the TwiYor shippers -- deserves 🥰🥰🥰

-------

TL;DR

While both Twilight/Loid and Yor has litterally bleed for one another, they act differently.

Loid by maintaining the status quo of their relationship

Yor by asking assurance of her question (uncertainties), by daring herself to knock / step into Loid's space.

[rivereverie]

Just some observations on Astarion learning to see that he is loved

I just saw a clip of Astarion's response to his partner cheating on him with Mizora and it got me thinking. While his entire reaction is very telling and meaningful in its entirety, one line stood out to me:

"I really thought there was more to you. That you were better than other people"

This was striking because it immediately reminded me of something else he says, in the scene after his siblings attempt to capture and return him to Cazador:

"You're the only one. Other people don't have a heart like you. You're you. No one is like that."

These lines feel a little odd at first, because Astarion isn't known for putting the PC on a pedestal. I don't think that's exactly what he's doing here. I think these lines are just capturing the inner chaos and contradiction that naturally come with the gradual unraveling of a long-held worldview. At this point, Astarion is able to process that one person cares for and accepts him, but only one. They must be an outlier: an exception to the rule. Surely they're something special.

Obviously this isn't true, though, and the next step is for him to learn that the PC isn't actually unique in their ability to accept and care for him him. In fact, Astarion is already loved by others and just doesn't see it. This line of his is beautifully contrasted by Karlach's reaction to Astarion's near-abduction. She is righteously angry and protective because she loves Astarion too.

"I dare Cazador to sent more lackeys our way. This is our territory. I'll crack anyone who tries to come into my house and hurt my people."

Earlier in the story, we get a similar moment during the confession scene, showing again how Astarion isn't always able to see the truth of what others feel for him.

When he says this, he sounds surprised. Like the idea of a friend is a revelation. This kind of broke my heart when I first heard it, because I thought it was obvious to him that he already had friends, in both the other companions and my character. But I think a part of him genuinely was stuck in that old thought pattern of assuming that anyone who showed interest in him just wanted to use him. This also makes it clear just how divorced sex is from affection in his mind and experience. Though they've slept together at least several times and grown more emotionally intimate too, Astarion still needs confirmation that the PC actually cares for him.

I made a post once about the two triggers for Astarion's confession here, which further reveal his mindset: going out of your way and into danger to get his scars translated, or choosing not to force him into complying with Araj's dehumanizing demands. Both of these things are concrete demonstrations of respect and care for him and what he wants. Astarion knows very well how empty words can be, so actions are what finally help him believe that the PC cares about him, and gives him the impetus to confess.

Later, If you break up with Astarion, his reaction is extremely telling in that he regresses slightly from this healthier mindset he had developed:

"I can hardly blame you. I don't exactly have much to offer right now, beyond new burdens to carry."

Typically, we witness any traces of Astarion's self-deprecation filtered through irony or dark humor, so his vulnerability in this moment is stark.

He claims that he has very little to offer, but that just isn't true. He may be going through a bit of a crisis, but he is still a shockingly good partner given the circumstances. He is unwaveringly supportive, caring, and clearly tries to lighten his partner's emotional load when they begin to feel the strain of responsibility. Not to mention, just being himself still makes him perfectly worthy of being loved. In any relationship, there will be times when one person needs more support than they themself can give, and that doesn't mean that they aren't enough. We're seeing, yet again, that he sometimes just doesn’t recognize how deeply he is valued by others. At this point, maybe a part of him still feels like he needs to be of service in order to be accepted, let alone loved. I also personally interpret this line as partially concerning his insecurity around not "providing" his partner with sex at this time, reiterating this deeply internalized belief that he needs to perform in order to be valued.

All of these little moments add so much subtly and humanity to his character, and make his development feel natural and earned. The payoff is clear after Cazador's death, when we get to see his new confidence:

He doesn't have to ask "really?" this time.

"You believed in me - believed I was enough just the way I am."

He truly knows now that he is loved.

[p1astr81]

(I fully posted this before it was finished🙈)

Franco wasn’t the kind of guy to post you on his socials. Nor was he the guy to show you off. He was more casual.

Franco brought you to the paddock for the first time in Italy. Introduced you to his team.

“Ah, your girlfriend? She’s never in any of your posts though?” One of them asked.

Franco laughed. “Yeah, you know how it is.” He shrugged, throwing an arm around your shoulders.

The group of them laughed.

You, on the other hand, went rigid. Tight smile. A fake laugh through your nose.

Franco hadn’t noticed the shift in your attitude. Not until much later. After the race, back at the hotel room.

He noticed how you neglected to laugh at his jokes, or even smile at them—at him.

“What’s up with you?” He asked as you brushed through your freshly washed hair. The smell of your shampoo still flowed thick through the air.

��Nothing. Why?” Short. Disinterested.

“Come on, you’ve been acting weird today.” His hands found your shoulders and ran along the length of your arms.

You placed your hairbrush on the bathroom counter. “What was that supposed to mean? ‘You know how it is’?” You sighed, irritated.

He blinked, his hands paused on your arms. “It was- it was nothing. We were just joking.” He reasoned slowly.

Chewing your cheek, you laughed through your nose again. You shrugged away from him. “A joke.” You nodded slowly, then turned to him. “Is that what this is?” You asked, a finger gesturing between you two.

He stuttered before finding his words. “No!? What why would-“

“Seems like it to me.” You tilted your head. “I mean, you’ll bring me to paddock but when it comes to actually showing we’re together…” you shrugged.

He sighed and ran a hand down his face. “It’s not like that.”

“Really? What’s it like then?”

He took a deep breath before grabbing your hand. Attitude carried your every step as he dragged you into the room and placed you on the bed. You crossed your arms over your chest.

“I’m so serious about you. Like crazy insanely serious.” He paced in front of you. “I didn’t think you’d want me to flaunt you around like some prize I’d won.”

You furrowed your brows, offended at the comparison.

“Not- not- you’re not the prize. Well you are but not just some prize, you’re like the prize I guess-” You raised your eyebrows as he continued to ramble. “-but not like an actual prize because a prize is an object and you’re definitely not an object. It’s more like metaphorically and-“

“Franco.”

“-basically what I mean is that-“

“Oh my god, Franco I get it.” You sighed.

He finally stopped. Not only his words but also his pacing. His posture defeated, he looked at you for something more to come from your mouth.

“I get it. I should’ve just talked to you about it instead of overthinking it.” You nodded and stood, taking his hand in yours “I’m sorry.”

He sighed out of relief. “I’m sorry, too.”

Squeezing his hand, you smiled. “Okay, can we go to bed now? I’m exhausted.”

Franco laughed and nodded.

[glowettee]

⋆˚࿔glowettee hotline 6: finding peace after studying.ᐟ

hey lovelies! 🤍i'm finally back with glowettee hotline

abbey sent in the sweetest question to the glowettee hotline about something i think so many of us struggle with. that persistent anxiety that whispers "you could do more" even after you've literally been studying for hours and hours? yeah, i know that voice all too well.

i was literally up until 3am last night reorganizing my color-coded study guides even though i'd already finished them, so trust me when i say i understand that perfectionist energy. there's something about academics that brings out that need for control in all of us, right?

first, i want you to know that what you're experiencing is actually super common among high-achievers. that anxiety isn't a sign that you're doing something wrong - it's actually your brain being a little too good at wanting to succeed. your brain has basically created this false equation that anxiety = productivity, when actually they're totally different things.

when i was in my worst perfectionist spiral last semester (we don't talk about the great midterm meltdown of 2024), my academic counselor shared something that literally changed everything for me. she called it "productive completion" versus "perfectionist completion" and the difference is everything.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ why your brain keeps doing this ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

your brain has been rewarded for being anxious in the past. every time you've pushed yourself to do "just one more thing" because of anxiety, your brain logged that as a win. it doesn't realize how exhausted and burnt out you're becoming.

also? uncertainty is literally uncomfortable for our brains on a neurological level. your organized nature (which is actually a superpower when balanced!) means your brain craves that feeling of "doneness" - but perfectionism keeps moving the goalpost so you never actually reach it.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ practical things that actually help ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

create a "done list" instead of just a to-do list. physically write down everything you've accomplished in a study session. when anxiety says "you've done nothing," you have literal evidence to the contrary.

implement a physical "closing ritual" to signal to your brain that work time is over. i close my laptop, put my books in my bag, and light this little vanilla candle that's only for post-study relaxation. your brain needs these concrete transitions.

use time-based boundaries rather than task-based ones. "i will study for 2 focused hours" is better than "i will study until i feel done" because perfectionism ensures you'll never feel done.

try the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique when anxiety spirals hit. name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you can taste. it literally interrupts the anxiety pathway in your brain.

create a "worry hour" where you give yourself permission to stress about academics - but only during that designated time. when anxious thoughts come outside that hour, tell them "not now, i'll think about you at 4pm."

practice self-compassion statements that feel authentic to you. mine is "being imperfect doesn't mean i'm ineffective." find yours and repeat it when that voice starts up.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ the deeper work ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

here's the thing about perfectionism that took me forever to understand - it's often a protection mechanism. somewhere along the way, you learned that being perfect kept you safe from criticism or failure or whatever scary thing your brain is trying to avoid.

the real question to gently ask yourself is: what would happen if you did "just enough" instead of everything possible? what are you afraid would occur? usually when we dig into this, we find some core beliefs that need updating.

for me, i realized i had this weird belief that if i wasn't constantly anxious about academics, it meant i didn't care enough. which is obviously not true! you can care deeply about your studies while still having boundaries and rest.

abbey, i want you to know that your worth isn't measured by how exhausted you are at the end of a study session. your organized nature is a gift - but it should serve you, not control you.

sending you the warmest thoughts and a reminder that you're doing so much better than you think you are. your anxiety is lying to you about how much is "enough."

xoxo, mindy 🤍

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submit your questions here!!

[lovebyeler]

a rant on mlvn & their shippers. inspired by this post i saw on twt

one thing i noticed about mlvn fans is that whenever bylers point out a fact that is objectively true, either confirmed by the cast/producers or is said explicitly in the show, the first thing they do is call us names and deny it.

as much as i dislike mlvn, i see how someone could ship it by seeing it closer to the way they're portrayed in the show; a sort of puppy crush turned into push-pull relationship whose sides need to be truthful to themselves & understand each other better to make it work. i could see the appeal in this type of dynamic and if this was how they actually saw mlvn.

however, my main problem with mlvns is that instead of seeing them for what they are, they portay them as an example of somehow perfect couple - they'd rather twist words said in the show than admit that they're a troubled pair. they romantize the version of mlvn in their head instead of looking deeper into the show & will make fun of you if you do that.

the "and i knew right then and there [...] that i loved you" fragment of mike's monologue has been proved to be a lie multiple times from multiple sources. they would have to retcon things established in season one for this to be true. mike never was shown to like her from the start, he just happened to be the most empathetic one from the party and only started liking/crushing on her later (depending on your interpretation). besides, the show quite literally makes fun of love at first sight & the writers said they don't believe in it as well. and in the said tiktok screenshot, it's not bylers theorizing even - it's literally what finn has said.

you could still believe that mike loves eleven while lying & exeggarating things in the monologue so he could save her. that's sort of romantic as well if you want to see it in that light - he's willing to be fake to save her, however eleven is mad at him for that reason, and then lesson of mlvn in next season would be that you don't need to lie in order to save your relationship. but wait, wouldn't that be a repeat of season 3 & 4 where it was shown not to work regardless? 🤔 besides, i could still see how someone could possibly defend this.

but no, they cling to that damn monologue like it's their bible. they themselves exeggerate their love instead of just looking at them like it's a regular relationship. they downplay their lies, their problems for the sake of shipping it. at this point i'm starting to wonder if they ship it cause they actually like their dynamic or do they ship it cause they like them together visually?

that's the biggest difference between bylers and mlvns for me. bylers look deeper into their negative side of their ship, pick apart their flaws yet this doesn't dismantle their relationship but support it. why won't mlvn do the same when they have a bunch of that going on their ship as well? if we see proof by analyzing byler fights, can't they do that instead of downplaying them? unless deep analysis won't help mlvn... which is possibly the case. that's why they choose to ignore it. but that's another topic. i think i'd still appreciate them more if they actually tried, though.

anyways, that'll be the end of my long rant. it's ironic to me how much byler shippers are called delusional because they dare to analyze the show when mlvn's whole ship is build upon false romantized image of it, don't you think?

[burrythebusy]

Hello hrkg nation...

So, I was on the htk tag (as one is) and someone posted this screenshot from the novel when Kagiura is saying the room feels a lot emptier without Hirano and... shout out to OP because that literally changed my brain chemistry. Idk why but it literally clicked a switch in my head despite me reading the novel before and that specific part numerous times.

Not to overanalyze but this brings up a greater point in my years of being obsessed with HtK that reminds me that these two already destroyed one of the obligatory boundaries of being in a senpai/kouhai arrangement, moreso hirano though, by foregoing the expectation of "im supposed to help my kouhai become acclimated and fostering a friendly environment between us so that you can rely on me when needed (while also maintaining a respectable distance between he and I so that he can grow independently and do the same thing to a kouhai next year)" by becoming addicted to the feeling of spoiling him and being spoiled in return with honesty, genuine gratitude and happiness.

And what makes me bring this up is, its not unusual to become close to someone in a semester or to even begin to really like someone in that time. What always gets me though is that the level of sincerity never wavered. The feelings were never surface level. They have a deep and crucial understanding of each other that I wouldn't hesitate to call love. This doesn't apply to just Kagiura though, but Hirano. Now I might be reaching HEAVY and im not sure exactly what I might be saying with this, and this is gonna be a hashtag Flaming Hot Take bc some people dont see it this way and that is A-Okay 0 hard feelings. But im so convinced (and almost always have been) that Hirano has been in love with Kagiura for just as long as Kagiura has veen in love with him. Let me preface that it is no more meaningful if this is the case but this is just something I've been sitting on for literal years and I fear it only took me this sentence to decide to believe it wholeheartedly.

(Screenshot from my e-novel)

Kagiura saying the dorm feels empty without Hirano (affectionate), and this being Hirano's (equally affectionate) reaction.

So, I've actually noticed this pattern with Hirano: when affection is expressed between him and Kagiura, his verbal reaction is something along the lines of "tiredness". As in, Hirano will give or receive affection to/from Kagiura and tiredness is deemed the reason. Now, i dont recall this ever being done with his friends so thats why im extrapolating this phenomenon to hirakagi only (if im wrong lmk). Anyway, here are the examples, other than the one listed. And there are actually more than i thought

Exhibit A: Volume 6 Extra

I think this is the first one we see at all, and its comedic and hes being kind of aggressive about it PLUS we wouldn't think much of it at all because Kagiura literally did NOT sleep since Hirano accidentally slept in his bed. But just note that Kagiura is basically getting a kick out of seeing Hirano embarrassed (which to me. Is affection because. This is Hirano and Kagiura) and Hirano is just like "get your ass to bed." This example is probably less of one than the next ones but 100% worth talking about since this is post Kagiura confession (not sure where in the timeline though) and it still follows the theme of affection/tiredness, as Hirano is recognizing it and deeming tiredness to be the factor making him say what hes saying. Just like in the screenshot.

Exhibit B: Volume 9 Extra (1)

(Definitely in a relationship here LOLLL) And for some reason Kagiura decides that Hirano is acting spacey, and Hirano AGREES. Like, to be fair, Hirano was acting pretty gay this whole extra but its interesting to me that Kagiura is all abashed by Hirano being all suave and congratulating him and his first reaction is, "So... you really ARE tired" (re: Hirano using him as a pick-me-up in the first place). Why. Is it because Hirano is being affectionate? I MEAN, YEAH kagiura clearly took it as such hence the blushing and acting all embarrassed and then proceeding to be like "you must be tired. Anyway youre not being confessed to are you."

What stumps me more is how Hirano agrees with him. We know Hirano will get defensive at stuff Kagiura says (throwback to "them's fightin' words, asshole") and idk the exact wording in japanese but the idea that Hirano just casually agrees to kagiura ascribing his behavior to being spacey and he has nothing to say to it... interesting.

Exhibit C: Volume 9 Extra (2)

Mere moments later on the train when Hirano says "you can be stinky with me bae 😍", Kagiura is embarrassed by this clear sign of affection and what does Hirano say? "Man, am I tired" Okay we GET it. Again hes making a point to emphasize his tiredness and for what? To excuse that hes saying crazy shit? Mkay

Exhibit D: Whatever the hell this is

This... this whole page. Man i don't even know where to begin. Hirano is straight up unabashedly giving Kagiura googoo eyes. I had a violent reaction to seeing this extra. The point here is that Kagiura looked at him, got caught off guard by this absolutely unmistakable "im gonna take a bite out of you in the next ten seconds" look and his question is "are you sleepy". And its like. Okay sure hirano looks a little drunk (in love) yes but. He also looks wide awake. But he does say "a little".

Okay hold on I have to add that I'm genuinely tweaking out over this extra like YES I've seen it before but after volume five and just. Everything i am genuinely aghast at how obvious this is. Like oh my god. Hes practically drooling. Im loosing the plot so bad. What i would do to have this voice acted. Yoshitsugu Matsuoka you absolute legend i KNOW you'd cook for this

Anyway so yeah. I also noticed with two of these examples that its Kagiura mentioning the tiredness and its Hirano agreeing, and with one its Hirano saying it himself, and with two its Hirano saying it to Kagiura. Idk if what im saying makes sense but here's kinda what im getting at (again this extra genuinely made me lose my train of thought happy pride i guess damn): for Hirano, maybe its some sort of code, or something hes experienced from someone else, or maybe its just embarrassment covered up that has become an inside joke, im genuinely not sure, but Hirano will disguse affection as him being tired, or Kagiura's affection as him being tired, and Kagiura recognizes this too.

Why this stuck out to me with the novel is that, so early on, so soon in their relationship with each other, Hirano is already recognizing this affection hes receiving from his roommate, one that is in the general sense no different than his usual honesty and sincerity when it comes to Hirano, and Kagiura himself at this point hasnt quite come to terms with being in love with Hirano at all, just that he HAS deep affection for him. And yet Hirano picks up this DISTINCT affection in a way we've so far only ever seen referenced post-confession AND when theyre in a relationship, that makes him say, "You must be tired".

In other words, we see Hirano, far before Kagiura admits his own feelings or even realizes the extent of them and far before Hirano can even consider his own feelings LOVE, use a phrase that we've only so far seen used in contexts in which the two are being obviously romantic in their affection (the only POSSIBLE exception being Exhibit A but the whole reason that whole thing happened the way it did was because of the romantic context to this otherwise embarrassing but negligible occurrence) and he doesnt even REALIZE it. Even if Kagiura was actually sleepy (and he was), and even if hes just being a little shy, the idea that Hirano's first thought was "dodge" and that dodging is something we see come up in such a specific, familiar way in such specific circumstances following what we would brush off as insignificant in the scheme of things just has me tapping my chin and then going EUREKA! Because Hirano loves him and has and its that simple. Hirano has always associated whatever feeling he had at that moment from receiving a particular flavor of affection with tiredness, with sleepiness, with someone saying those things because theyre not all there right now, they wouldnt USUALLY do that because if they did, it wouldnt make me feel this way, so here is a reasonable explanation. That same principle is then applied to himself; if im saying things that make me feel this way, that are a reflection of how i feel, in such a way that i would never actually do but here it is, just slipping out of me, I must be tired, I must not be all there, otherwise this wouldn't happen, I wouldnt say it.

Hirano loves him, and even if it’s not as AGGRESSIVELY as current Hirano, I think this was at LEAST the beginning of it. Hirano already killed the boundaries of their relationship in order to achieve a comfortable dorm life for both of them, and by doing so he created this situation between the two of them in which there is a very unique sense of closeness and understanding, and bond brought about because they are who they are individually and then with each other. Kagiura is honest about how he feels and before now he wasnt necessarily hiding his affection for Hirano, not in a way that matters. And then he tells Hirano that "Without you, it felt lonely" (with you, things feel whole, and right. if i had to choose, i would rather be with you (i wanna be with you (more than anyone in the world))) and Hirano feels this affection in such a way that creates a pattern in his behavior that he repeats in the future when he knows too that Kagiura is the person he wants to be with more than anyone in the world, where he gets to have that spot beside him, right where he wants to be, right where Kagiura wants him to be, and he says it now. "You must be sleepy." (Because it must be you, Kagiura—so earnest and honest, so much more so when you're tired that you would say such embarrassing things that no one would ever say to me—and not me, who feels each syllable in my chest and remembers the feeling each moment I spend with you in a future I do not yet know I had been wanting).

Also ignore every typo i am so sleepy and im gonna reread this tomorrow and go "burry was onto nothing 🔥🔥" but for right now we will Pretend

[guksfairy]

ALMOST MISSED YOU | JJK

how you made your way back to him

wc: 1.2k

drabble series masterlist

School was never one of Jungkook’s top priorities, especially now that his main focus was debuting as a solo artist under Wonijin Entertainment. A company that decided to take a chance on young 13 year old Jungkook. They saw the potential the day he walked into their audition room ready to sing his heart out for the world

At most, Jungkook would attend school no more than three days a week, with his parents allowing it only because he promised if he failed he would put school first and even apply to universities.

At this point, if you asked Jungkook what his math teacher’s name was, he’d take a wild guess and probably get it right 2/10 times. Besides his friends, Jungkook only ever noticed one other person in school. You.

You sat in the corner with your friends, minding your business. You weren’t loud like the popular girls but you weren’t so quiet to be an “invisible” person either.

You were beautiful in ways Jungkook didn’t even think could be possible outside of movies. He wishes he could say he befriended you and asked you out but, with him barely being at school, he didn’t feel like he had enough time.

A boyfriend that is too busy cooped up in an entertainment company building isn’t what you deserved.

And when Jungkook finally debuted at the young age of 15, one of the youngest at the time, he was left to wonder what happened to you. He left school and was privately educated by the company’s private educator. He graduated on a random Wednesday afternoon.

You never left his mind though. He’d randomly be practicing one day and think about the girl he was attracted to when he was 13. Or he’d be at a fan signing event and hope that you became a fan of his and were in the audience.

But news of you was a lost cause until that one Monday night. That glorious night you found your way back to his life.

One of his good model friends had reposted your post. It was a group photo. He knew Taehyung but he didn’t recognize the other five people. Except for you in the very center of the picture. Your smile outshining the others as you held a glass of champagne.

Your caption.

Happy Birthday to me! Thank you my loves for the surprise birthday dinner <3

Within seconds Jungkook finds himself scrolling through your account and finds you have become a well known content creator. Mostly vlogs where you show what you do on the average day.

Jungkook watches a handful of your videos that night, feeling like he’s a teenager all over again with the way he felt butterflies in his stomach every time you smiled or laughed.

He thought about following you that night but decided against it when he remembered who he was and the impact it could bring to you if his fans found out he followed you. There was nothing that could get past them. So instead, he texted Taehyung.

Jungkook 10:18PM

You know Y/N?

Taehyung 10:20 PM

Why do you ask?

You know her?

Jungkook 10:20 PM

went to school with her

always wondered what happened with her lol

Taehyung 10:21 PM

Jeon Jungkook wondering about a girl??

The same one that gave that model girl a fake number when he got asked out??

Jungkook 10:21 PM

that was different

i’m not giving my number to a stranger

Taehyung 10:22 PM

*a model

Jungkook 10:22 PM

whatever

Taehyung 10:22 PM

Well if you must know yes I’m friends with Y/N

Jungkook 10:23 PM

is she dating anyone

Taehyung 10:23 PM

lmaoooo smooth

ask her

xxx-xxx-xxxx

As Jungkook stared at the screen in panic, wondering if he should actually text you or not, Taehyung was already next to you excited to tell you about the conversation he just had.

“Do you know Jungkook?”

Everyone around the table was too occupied in their own conversations to notice your eyes widen at the question your dear friend had asked you.

“Jungkook? Oh my god I haven’t heard of him in years,” you chuckle remembering the boy who would show up to school every once in a while and copy off his friend because he was always behind on material.

You knew he was training to become an idol but were never too invested in it the way everyone else in the class was. You always thought he was cute and funny but if he was going to be an idol, there was no use in confessing to him the way you felt.

The stolen glances during class were just that.

“Gave him your number,” Tae says like it’s nothing, taking a sip of his own drink.

“What? Why?”

“Because he asked about you, that’s why,”

He asked about you?

“He asked about me? Why?”

“I don’t know he said something about how he recognized the pretty girl in the picture I reposted,” you roll your eyes not taking him seriously because you know your friend too well at this point.

“Ha ha you’re so funny,” he smiles and replies.

“I’m joking but he did say he knew you so I gave him your number. Maybe you guys could reconnect and maybe you can finally move on from Jongwoo,” Tae says mentioning your current crush that you know is going nowhere since you know he only sees you as a friend.

You stare at Jongwoo across the table talking with someone else and you sigh while looking back at Taehyung.

Ding.

“Couldn’t even wait a full day,” Taehyung chuckles and you read the notification on your phone.

xxx-xxx-xxxx 10:37 PM

Hey it’s Jungkook. Got your number from Tae

Hope you don’t mind

and that you remember me haha

“He texts like a loser,” Taehyung jokes and you gently shove him with a smile.

You don’t text him back in the moment, but hours later when your comfortable in bed you finally have the courage to reply.

You 12:11 PM

Omg hi !!

Sorry for the late reply I was out

Jungkook 12:11PM

don’t apologize i get it lol

happy belated birthday btw

i’m not a creep i just saw Tae’s story

You smile at his text and continue the conversation. One that didn’t end until 3 in the morning with the promise to get coffee in person soon and catch up properly.

You go to bed with a smile not knowing that Jungkook is doing the exact same thing.

He recalls the way he felt the following Monday after he officially left school and how he wouldn’t be able to see his friends now that he had a much stricter schedule, but more importantly he couldn’t see you anymore. Couldn’t look at the back of the class saying he’s just looking outside when really he’s watching you take notes with your glittery pens he knew you liked.

He let you slip out of his life once, and he swears he’s not going to let it happen again.

[n0rmal-cat]

Centipede x reader

[He knows nothing about love]

He watched as reader walked into their room, he scowled and rubbed the back of his neck.

Why did reader never hang out with him? They had work friends that they see everyday and now spider kept showing up, but not him? He was their roommate for god sake.

Was he…too much? He looked back at their room door with a sigh. “Idiot…” he grumbled.

He went on with his day like normal, he waited till night when he went to work frown still on his face.

It was almost closing hours and all he could do was think about them, he took his wallet out and let out a sigh. It was either this or use it for his collection.

He walked into one of the stores putting on a smile “excuse me ma’am do you mind helping me with something?”

“Is there something wrong?” The woman turned around to face him.

“N-no it’s just eh…what do you get someone you like but don’t know how to tell them.” His face became hot and his eyes drifted away.

“Oh, oh…” she smiled “well chocolate is a nice gift it works for all occasions”

“No, no none of that crap, it need to be special” he waved his hands

“Well what do you want then” she put her hands on her hips.

“I don’t know! Aren’t you supposed to be the expert here?” He asked

“Yeah not a psychic, jeez if you know them so well just get them something they’re like?” She crossed her arms with a humph.

That shut him up alright, what did reader like? Game, music, anime, movies? He had no idea what they were into.

“Wow you actually don’t know? What a great boyfriend you’d make?” She rolled her eyes.

“Now listen here you!- ‘tch’ nevermind” he walked back to his post. Was that why reader didn’t hang out with him, because he didn’t care enough to remember things about them?

He got home in the very early hours of the morning, he was too tired to ever make it to his room so he face planted on the couch.

“You ok?” A voice pulled him out of his tiredness, “reader?” Why were they up at this hour?

“Why are you up don’t you have work soon?” He pushed himself up.

Reader shook their head “nah our boss gave us a day off, though I think it was mostly a break for herself”

He changed his position to be sitting up instead “ah, so what are you going to do?”

“Probably just lay in my bed and eat junk food all day” they smiled

“That’s a good life” “yeah”

“How about you” they asked

“Oh, sleep?” He shrugged “nice”

A comfortable silence fell between them. “Do you one day maybe wanna go see a movie with me, i know you bugs…or me but-ah yeah” he had never felt so flustered in his life.

“I don’t hate you, I was pretty scared at first but spending the time that I have with you guys I think I’m ok now” they paused “and I’d love to watch a movie with you”

“Ok…” he blushed “ok” they said back

[respectthepetty]

Thank you for answering my ask. I was wondering what you would say... it was refreshing in a way because you acknowledge that Joong could've done it with ill intentions but you are also completely fine with it. Wow. But I appreciate the honesty. And I'm not calling you out, but I noticed you said you didn't understand why mothers defend their sons' behavior no matter what until now, and then in another ask, you said you didn't mind because you're messy. Maybe you made an exception because he's your bias, not because you're "messy".

After reading your post, I was mulling over this for a looong time because I actually liked to believe there was no malice involved. But if I'm being completely honest with my feelings, I am not okay with what Joong did :( Even if in real life, Joong and Dunk are just co-workers and Joong hated Dunk secretly or whatever (which happens I guess, I'm not going to complain about personal feelings behind the scenes), but I just can't be supportive of liking a hate post... esp. in this day of socmed, where online hate could lead to people being depressed, driven to suicide, etc. It goes against my morals. Sorry if this comes off too serious, but I just couldn't be okay with it I guess. Do you think I'm too naive to feel this way?

Also Dunk posted something on twitter today and I think it might be related to this incident because of the timing.

https://x.com/dunknatachai/status/1937777546541871472

Do you think there will be fallout? Not immediately because they have a lot of work scheduled already, but after DYTD? I feel like I can't look away even though I want to, if it leads to a messy breakup. And this isn't the first time for me too for my fav ship to sink and last time it happened it made me sad haha :(

Y'all . . .

I understand comadres now because I am so disconnected from this mess because it doesn't seem like it should be this serious. Like at some point, we start to understand King Triton in The Little Mermaid far more than Ariel, and the next thing we know, we are siding with Ursula because really? All this drama over a guy she saw for less than two seconds? Youths!

So regardless of the Anons' ages in my inbox, the issue between Juan and Diego, to me, feels like a problem of the young, which shouldn't even be a problem, and doesn't actually feel like a problem IF I'm understanding this right:

There is a hate account for Dunk that made a hate post, and that hate post said -he had a girlfriend-

That's the hate. The hate is that he has a girlfriend. Is this how we are bullying guys in 2025? We are saying they have . . . girlfriends? *in my comadre voice* I have to be missing something (and yes, I know saying a man in a branded pair has a girlfriend is up there with the First Commandment for some of y'all, pero . . . if I could have a time machine and tell the 80s gays this would be happening one day, they would've thought I was crazy)

Then, Joong 'liked' that post. He didn't Pretty Little Liars, Gossip Girl, or Mean Girls this. He wasn't the actual person who created this hate account and started posting all these hate posts anonymously. He just 'liked' this -one- post. That's it. ¿No más? *in my comadre voice* a la chingada . . .

Joong said he 'liked' the post because he is gathering evidence to sue the person who is bullying Dunk by saying Dunk has a girlfriend. *I start looking for cameras because this has to be a prank*

As a comadre, I do not understand how the TeaTalk (TikTok) or the TweetTweet (Twitter) works, but some have chimed in and seem to think what Joong is saying is reasonable. However, I will not pretend to understand anything these two kind souls are writing. This is the knowledge of the youths.

So now, Joong and Dunk are using their socials to do what they do best, which I actually understand since I was alive and active when social media BEGAN. I, too, dabbled in the art of vague posting when I wrote my away message in AOL Messenger and reshuffled by Top 8 in MySpace.

And that's it! That's the drama!

I would really like to apologize to all the comadres and madres who I judged for being dismissive of my issues because, now sitting on this side of life, I understand that those issues were solely issues for the young, and running to them to complain about an adult man's behavior was wild.

Does this partnership make you money? Yes. Then apologize. Don't mess up a paycheck.

Do you really hate each other? Doesn't matter. Apologize. Hate each other after the paycheck is in your hands.

Do you want out of this situation? Apologize now, and plan to leave once the check clears.

God, I feel bad for the managers.

The youths.

[texanpanda]

Bob Reynolds x gn!reader

This is the first thing I've written in a very long time and probably the first story I've ever posted. Not sure how to format but I'll figure it out. I cried on my floor listening to the Let Down cover by Mack Lorén and then this idea popped into my head and wouldn't let me rest so here ya go.

I think I've kept the description and interactions with the reader pretty neutral even though I was picturing my oc Stella the entire time. Let me know if you like it and I might try to be creative again lol.

It had been over an hour since Bob saw you disappear into your bedroom. You had come out in an oversized sweatshirt and gotten a cold bottle of water from the fridge. When he offered a quiet "Hey-" you had hummed quietly in response then continued down the hall.

His leg bounced as he sat in his usual reading spot, occasionally glancing down the hall to your room. You had been acting distant that day and it sent his mind into overdrive. He wasn't sure if you were mad at him or if maybe something else was bothering you but he felt an overwhelming need to fix it.

He tried to go back to reading his book but couldn't get past the first sentence on the page before needing to lift his head to look down the hall again. His gut was telling him that something was wrong. He wanted to brush it off as his usual anxiety but couldn't because what if something really was wrong with you? What if you were hurt and hid it from him? What if you were mad at him for not helping with the dishes or for leaving the coffee creamer out yesterday? Did he even do that or was he making up reasons for you to be upset with him?

Snapping his book shut, he stood and made his way down the hall. There was nothing wrong with checking in, right? You always told him that he could come talk to you about anything. And that you wouldn't be mad if he asked a dumb question. Even if it sounded rude or inappropriate, there was always a way to move forward with the conversation.

You were helping him figure out how to communicate better. Not just with you but with everyone else in the tower and beyond. You had been in therapy for several years and had done your own research on the coping skills you had learned so you were the go-to person when anyone in the tower was struggling. But who do you go to? Who checks in with you when you are struggling?

Bob wanted to be that person. Not just to help you, because he definitely cared about you and wanted to make sure you were okay but also to be useful. He wanted to help in any way that he could so that him being here meant something. So that he meant something. To you.

When he reached your door he hesitated. He could faintly hear music playing from behind the door. Tilting his weight from side to side he contemplating actually knocking on your door or trying to go back to reading. What if you just wanted some alone time and him checking in was actually ruining your day? He shouldn't be trying to take up your time with his stupid need to help. He'll just make it-

His thoughts were cut off when he heard a sniffle sound. Had he heard correctly? Were you okay? He leaned his head closer to the door, the scolded himself mentally for trying to eavesdrop. But got distracted when he heard the sound of you blowing your nose and something almost like a whimper.

All doubts forgotten he knocked and called out your name. The sniffling stopped and he knocked again. The music went quiet and he faintly heard you call out "come in" . When he opened the door he was met with a sight that made his stomach drop and his head spin.

You were curled up on the floor hugging a pillow. Tears were streaming down your face as you blew your nose again then tossed the tissue into your nearby trash can. You looked like you had been full sobbing the entire hour he hadn't seen you and his chest clenched at the very idea of you suffering alone.

"Oh my God- ar- are you okay? What happened? What's wrong?" He stumbled into the room and knelt next to you, hands uselessly hovering in the air as if to grab you and check for injuries. He couldn't see anything immediate but that didn't mean there wasn't something hidden.

You let out a snort of laughter then sniffled again. "I'm fine, Bob." You replied so casually like your eyes weren't red and your breathing wasn't stuttering.

"You don't look fine." He fired back, no longer worried about upsetting you. "You look- what happened? Why- why are you crying? On the floor?" His hands flexed mid air as if instinctively wanting to hold you but not knowing if that would be welcome right now.

You blinked up at him then reached for the water bottle sitting beside you. "Oh, it's floor time." As if that would answer any questions he could possibly have about your current state.

"Floor time? What's floor time?" He'd never heard of floor time and was a little afraid to find out if it left you in tears.

"Oh yeah. It's a coping thing my old roomate and I used to do." Even with some context he was still confused. You had taken a small sip of water and then let out a deep sigh. When you looked up at him again you could see the confusion clearly on his face. "Lying on the floor and listening to sad music is a good way to cry." You explained simply.

"Uh, yeah. I can see that. But-" He couldn't quite wrap his head around you seemingly happy to have a full meltdown on the floor, like it was normal. "I don't get why?" His hands dropped to his knees as he looked you over again.

You nodded as if his confusion made perfect sense to you. "It's not for everyone. But with our line of work, I don't always have time to express my emotions in a healthy way, y'know?" You waved your hand in the air in a dismissive gesture. "We're constantly on the move with missions stuff and it gets pretty overwhelming, so I decided to pick a time to cry before my body decided for me." You cracked a smile at your joke and he felt his lips twitch in an attempt to match it.

He nodded in understanding. There were times when the others got loud or someone made a comment that had him holding back tears. He never really thought about how often he felt overwhelmed with everything. Most of the time he tries to push it aside or hold it back.

"Yeah, so I like to set aside time every couple of weeks to just, have a good cry." You gesture to you self and your little set-up on the floor. That's when he realized that everything around you had been placed deliberately. The water bottle for hydration, the pillow for comfort, even the tissue box and mini trash can were all within easy access.

He'd never heard of purposely setting yourself up to have "a good cry" as you called it but he could see the benefits if letting all your feelings out.

"So you...you're not hurt?" You smiled at his concern and shook your head.

"No, I'm not hurt. And I was pretty much done when you knocked anyway." He nodded along, feeling embarrassed that he had freaked out about something you considered so normal. You watched him sit there staring at the bottle in your hands like it held the answers to the universe.

"Would you like to have some floor time too? I've got a good Playlist." His eyes trailed up to your face where you held a calm smile. His gaze dropped back down and he shrugged a shoulder.

"I don't think I'd be very good at it." His voice was quiet, still embarrassed and now wondering if he should have just stayed in his reading corner. Your hand reached out to brush his arm gently.

"There's no being good or bad at it. There's just letting yourself feel." You squeezed his arm slightly and he leaned into the touch. "It can be hard to do and there's no pressure to do anything but lying on the floor and listening to sad music helps me personally so if you want to try it you totally can."

Now that he was sitting on the floor with you, in your bedroom, there was a part of him that wanted to take any excuse to stay with you. Even if that meant crying in front of you.

He chewed on his bottom lip in contemplation. You sat beside him, body relaxed with your thumb gently rubbing his sweater.

"What do I do?" He finally asked. Your responding grin was bright enough to make his heard stutter.

"Alright first things first, make sure you have comfy clothes." He looked down at his usual ensemble of sweater, and sweatpants. "Check. Next get something for hydration. If you're gonna cry you gotta replenish that water. I've still got some in mine if you like." You'd managed to drink about half the bottle and handed it to him. He took it without question and held it like a life line.

"Check." He said softy.

"Next we lay down and get comfy on the floor. C'mere." You gestured to the emtpy space next you and lay down on your back. He followed your instructions and lay down on his back beside you.

It was then that he noticed you had tiny glow in the dark stars on your ceiling. His eyes traced over the imaginary constellations as you shifted and brushed your shoulder against his.

"Alright, final step is play some deep emotional music and then let yourself feel whatever you feel." You reach up to grab your phone and press play. Instantly the room is filled with a soft piano song that he doesn't recognize. "Don't forget to breath."

You both lay on the floor quietly breathing and letting the notes from the song wash over you. Bob let's out a deep breath and feels his body start to relax into the carpet. He isn't really sure what he's supposed to be feeling but he knows he's feeling something.

You reach over again and brush your fingers against his. He wiggles his fingers back until they are hooked with yours. Not quite holding hands, but connected in a way that feels comforting. Something in his shoulders let go and a tension he didn't know he felt finally releases.

The song changes to the ballad cover of a rock song. As you lay there next to eachother he thinks about everything that's ever happened in his life. His parents, his addiction, the vault. None of it really makes him cry but it feels good to think about everything without a voice in his head bringing it up first.

A sniffle pulls his attention back to you. He glances to the side to see slow tears seeping out of your eyes. Your face isn't scrunched but relaxed as the tears slide down the side of your face into your hair. You slowly reach up to wipe one when it gets to close to your ear.

Bob watches you for a second before turning his eyes back to the stars on the ceiling. He lays there for another minute, listening to the vocals of the ballad and waiting...

But nothing happens.

His body is more relaxed but no tears come. He wants to cry. He has so many reasons to cry but it just- isn't happening. His body isn't in the moment and he doesn't feel the need to cry. He let's out a frustrated huff.

"I don't think I'm doing it right." He speaks finally, annoyed at himself that he can't do something as simple as cry. You sniffed again then turned to face him.

"You're not doing anything wrong, Bob." You told him and gave his fingers a slight squeeze. "If you don't need to cry right now then don't worry about it. We can just sit here and listen to music." He turns to look at you again and you offer him a teary smile. He feels a pull in his chest at the sight, but nods and searches the ceiling for constellations again.

"We can just...sit here." He repeats like the concept of simply existing was entirely new to him. Your fingers curl into his his again and together you simply...exist.

The next half hour is spent mostly in silence as your tears dry up and you both enjoy the peaceful atmosphere in the room. Bob didn't shed any tears but let his body relax for the first time in a long time and that was kind of the whole point wasn't it?

@may-daye here's the full one-shot for you

[bewitched-hours]

Hello! Yeah me again asking abt the noli and 07 yandere thing (lord I feel weird asking again I don’t want to be a bother) It’s just the last one you wrote was really and I mean really WELL written and I was hoping to ask for a part 2 of how things go? Hacking together, speaking, debating life—just quite cool! I already sent you the link of the past one I was talking about so I hope thats alright!

HI- YEAH- I SAW IT LOL I only saw it at school tbf so I'm starting it with this and have the story opened in another tab to make sure I don't forget anything (•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑

The reader's pronouns are once again She/They-

Pre-Forsaken

All three of you sat on opposite sides of 007 as you looked at the child in his arms.

"It's kinda cute..." You tried to end the silence comfortably as you could see the man soften. Noli didn't look so tough either for a change.

Though the red bundle of joy was giddy now, you knew it was only a matter of time until it got hungry...

"What are we meant to do with it..?" Noli asked quietly, watching as the baby held onto 007's fingers with glee. It honestly melted your heart a bit.

"I say we keep it." You state bluntly, surprised eyes meeting your own as you went to quickly explain yourself. "Think about it. If we drop it off somewhere else it would probably reach the same path as us if it survives anyways."

The two of them gave each other an unsure look before you gently lifted the child out of 7n7's arms with a huff. "I'm not saying we'd be great parents or anything but it'd definitely be better than the foster system or death." Your tone was firm but they could tell you were empathising with that little red face giggling up at you.

Maybe you were trying to prove something to yourself. That you were better than your family? Maybe that you can actually take care of something meaningful?

Whatever, it wasn't like either of them could say no by the time you started cooing at the baby all motherly.

"Heh, guess you're right." 007 perked up first, getting you to smile a bit more.

Wether it was to make you happy or they actually liked the idea, you couldn't care less. What mattered was that this child was safe with you.

"We should totally call it after the c00lgui." You commented with a chuckle, having Noli cackling and 007 trying to suppress his laugh.

"Yeah- no- this is good- So c00lkidd?" He suggested, letting out a laugh at your grinning nod. It was silly, it was unusual...

It was perfect.

"It'll be the perfect addition! Plus, I have some experience back when I had a babysitting gig to save up some money as a kid myself. We'll just need to get a few things and c00lkidd is gonna be spoiled with love!" You practically beamed and placed a gentle kiss on the little one's head, going back to cooing at it as it giggled in your arms.

Being a family might just be easier than you thought...

Post-Forsaken

For once, 007 probably appreciated being an outsider.

It meant more time with you. More time with Noli.

You were quick to figure out a spot to all meet in where neither killers nor survivors would even hear you.

It was perfect, especially whenever Noli decided to bring along c00lkidd and you could just talk for a while.

CK loved you. He loved the idea of having a big family like this where you could be his mom. You played nice and fair and actually managed to tire him out at times.

Though he didn't understand why it was such a taboo to play tag outside of rounds, he trusted your explanation that it was because it was less fun with only you four and the other survivors wouldn't be willing to listen to you or 007.

And CK knew the other killers were even less willing so...

But you'd always promise that once you get back home, you'll be the best mother to c00lkidd. And he took it as a good promise to make before saying his goodbyes and waiting for the next round.

You were committed to being the mother c00lkidd needed and the 'wife' that 007n7 and Noli deserved...

A bit disappointed with how this turned out but I tried my best-

Anything you'd like to request/ask? Check out my pinned post first and I'll be happy to write up whatever you want!

[noxiatoxia]

Beta Sprites in Danganronpa File Folder Merch

So, yes, I finally got all my Danganronpa file folders scanned!

To bring everyone up to speed, some time ago, I was browsing Dangan merch in hopes to find any with beta sprites, when I came across this on the Danganronpa Wiki:

Despite its low quality, I could tell already that both Mioda and Pekoyama's sprites were...not quite right. As such, I went online to hunt down this and other similar folders to buy. Luckily, they're not super rare, and I was able to get a bundle including this and the other major one I was looking atーplus several othersーfor only ¥2500 (roughly $17 USD).

I got them a while back and just have been...really bad about scanning them XD but I finally got them professionally scanned! Here is the HD scan:

Besides just being cute, there is a lot to talk about here in regards to beta sprites.

First, though, I open with bad news: the Hinata sprite used is not a beta sprite, which really bums me out. The good news is, every other sprite is! And some I've only ever seen on this one folder!

Let's start with the most glaringly obvious one.

Not having the white sparkle in her eye is a massive tip-off to this not being the same sprite. But of course, that's not the only difference; Mioda's entire face was reworked including her mouth, chin, right eye, and nose. As well, her left eye was moved more to the center of her face.

Minor changed can also be observed, such as the detailing in her ear, her hand, her neck, and the folds on her clothes.

This is not the only time this Mioda sprite can be seen. It is used in the other file folder I'll cover, but more notably, is accidentally used in UTDP as one of her cards:

Now, truth be told, if it was just this Mioda sprite being the only beta, I probably wouldn't have bought it (oh, who am I kidding, I still would have...) because at this point in time, I already knew of her UTDP card. But what really interested me was Pekoyama's, as I had never seen a beta of that sprite before...

Now to finally have the folder in question and able to do a proper comparison, it's more different than I could have ever imagined!

Pekoyama's whole face was changed, which seems to be a bit of a running theme with a lot of Pekoyama's beta sprites. Her face used to be much wider, and in this particular sprite, her expression much more angry. Her hair was not fully detailed yet as you can tell from the lack of some line art. Her ear was also redone. As well, her bangs changed a lot. It's hard to tell with both Saionji and the palm tree blocking it, but it seems her hand was much less detailed as well.

I'm actually very in love with this beta sprite, and would love to recreate an HD version of it sometime.

In time since, I have found one other place this beta sprite can be found...albeit in much worse quality and the non-blushing version. Would you believe me if I told you it was from the game's Taiwanese manual?

Buuuut that's for another post. Don't worry, I'm already in the middle of writing it up.

For Saionji, I decided to try and help the comparison a bit by using some color-changing-magic since her changes are so small they're easy to miss. Sadly, Saionji betas are about as rare as Hinata ones. But this one I don't think I've ever seen outside of this folder! So, that's cool.

Anyways, back to the sprite. So, here are the smaller changes: it seems the bottom of both of Saionji's ears were increased a bit in volume. More noticeable is her hand; they added the wrist joint and erased some line art to her fingers. Below her hand, it looks like they increased with width of her Kimono sleeveーspecifically, the orange outside layer.

Elsewise, I don't see many other differences.

This Sonia sprite is one we've seen briefly in the original PSP version when it comes to the consent sprites. However, there, it was tightly cropped, not letting us see much outside her face. Here, we get a better look: many changes were made to her hair, from the strands that go down her shoulders to the bangs and the braid. The hair in the back is less wide in the final sprite (which I tried my best to highlight underneath since just layering the image would make it hard to distinguish).

Many folder in her clothes were redrawn, including the cuff on her right arm. Speaking of arms, her elbow was made less sharp and more anatomically correct.

I also find it interesting to spot an error in the bow's coloring. At first, I thought the beta sprite simply had three big dots clustered together instead of two. But looking closer, it looks like some of the coloring for her hair accidentally got overlayed onto the bow!

You can see the white dot just underneath the cloud of bright gold.

What's also interesting is this "cloud of gold" seems to follow the formation of Sonia's hair halo. Overlaying the beta's bow to the final sprite's hair...

The trajectory matches! Which makes me wonder why the hair halo is appearing on the bow but not Sonia's hair in the beta sprite. I imagine the hair's coloring must have been on a higher layer than the lighting. So the layer situation might have been:

Layer 1: Hair

Layer 2: Lighting

Layer 3: Bow

When in fact, Layer 2 was supposed to be moved above Layer 1... That's what makes sense to me, at least.

As for Nanami, she has some very minor but noticeable changes. Specifically, her mouth was redrawn, and they hadn't quite sharpened the line art for her bangs yet. The two stray hairs curled by her throat were also touched up on come the final sprite.

Also, she seems to have a stray, very long eyelash on her left eye XD. Thankfully, this was fixed.

Nanami is also another example of a character who has their exact beta sprite being reused for UTDP.

Moving on...

I'm always entertained by how wonky Tsumiki's betas often look XD. For this one, her eyes got entirely realigned. When I first looked at Tsumiki's sprite here, I could tell it was off but I wasn't quite sure how. It seems the eyes are pretty different! Not only that, but her hand was made a lot smaller, including her pointer finger, while adding the wrist joint. Some folds in her clothes were redone on both shoulders, and it appears the line art for her right arm nook was decreased in length.

The only other place I know of this sprite appearing is a one-off merch line that is much harder to come by, so I'm glad we have this folder to give us a better idea.

Finally, we're down to Owari and Koizumi. Both these betas only appear on this specific folder as far as I know, which is super neat!

Don't let the stark color contrast disorient youーthere's quite a few small changes happening here.

For one, Koizumi's left eye has the bottom eyelashes fixed, whereas before they seemed to be crooked and oddly numbered. Hair wise, we can see one of the blades of hair near the tip of her left eye was sharpened instead of being left blunt. The line art in general for her hair was sharpened and extended.

Something interesting to note is that Dangan sprites will often fix the line art layer but not the color or shading layer to match the new line art. The shading will be in compliance with the old line art that was erased. With this in mind, I can't help but wonder what Koizumi's hair was supposed to look like. Look at the shading for her bangs; it looks completely wild! What the heck did the line art look like before...?

Moving on though, we can see that the folds in her clothes were largely changed, as well, seam lines were added. It also appears her tie was extended horizontally by her chest.

Finally is Owari, who I also tried to edit the colors on to make the comparison a bit easier.

A lot has changed here in ways I wouldn't have expected. Usually, clothes are largely left alone save some minor details, but it seems every major fold in Owari's clothes were redrawn, including the buttons. Her left hand was given a bit more detail, as was her neck. Sweat was added to her neck and to her breasts also.

As for her face, most notably, it seems her mouth is one solid color! Instead of a tongue and back mouth, only the color of her tongue was used to color in her mouth, which is rather odd. Otherwise, her eyes were changed ever so slightly to be less narrow and her ear was redone as well.

Also quite interesting is the fact her hair was considerably shrunk; the beta sprite has much larger hair off to the side and her ahoge was significantly decreased. Funnily, you can still see the shading from where the ahoge used to be placed on the final sprite.

As said, shading usually doesn't get updated with the line art for whatever reason.

...And that's it! Whew! What an amazing treasure trove of beta sprites in just one piece of merch. I have one more file to analyze, so I'll be back pretty soon. Once I upload that, I'll upload all these scansーas well as the scans for the regular folders that just have generic (but pretty) splash artーonto my site for all to view in HD!

Before I go, I also want to share the back of this folder because it's just as cute:

[letloverule1111]

FanFic Share "Challenge"--What are the last 5 fanfics you've read that you LOVE?

HI--this is my post from reddit...sharing it here because I really want to know what y'all are reading!

I'm always looking to discover wonderful fanfics and I soooooo many fics that I love have come from suggestions here! So I want to play a fun "challenge" (challenge isn't really the right word for this but we're going to use it anyway, k?)

HERE'S WHAT TO DO:

Go to your History

Starting from your most recent read scroll back and note fanfics you've LOVED...(meaning, if in your 5 most recent fics you've read you've only truly LOVED 3 of them then keep scrolling back until you have 5!)

When you have 5 of them, list them/link them here!

I'll start!!!

Just Like North by anincompletelist (soldouthaz) This is a Maze Runner au. I have personally never read or watched Maze Runner but trust me, the writing and story telling is SO GOOD that it won't matter. If you like dystopic future/badass Alex fics YOU WILL LOVE THIS!

love thorns all over this rose by theprinceandagcd  @theprinceandagcd HOLY SHIT. This fic killed me in all the best ways. The writing is amazing. It will tear your heart apart before it is put back together so if you like angst, READ THIS IMMEDIATELY. Alex thinks he's incapable of being a good boyfriend due to a past experience--together with his "not good enough" stuff this is a potent combo. So when he hooks up with Henry, he makes it clear it is just sex and friendship...of course, Alex is a tortured soul...you guys--this fic is so good and my summary is lame...just trust me--EXCELLENT.

all i wanted (was you) by ksmalltalk Author's summary: It's been nearly a decade since exes Henry and Alex have last seen or heard from each other. After one unexpected night of reuniting thanks to the meddling of their mutual friend, the pair find that neither time nor circumstance can stop their flame from rekindling. With the complications of Henry's marriage to another man and his scheduled return to London looming, the two must navigate life's difficulties as they grapple with what a possible future could mean for them. NOTE: the epilogue hasn't been posted yet but no reason to think it won't be. This is a reliable poster. AND even if the epilogue never gets posted, the story is complete and SO SO SO WORTH READING!

With so much of my heart (that none is left to protest) by kiwiana  @kiwiana-writes Dare I say, one of the absolute best fics in our fandom. This is actually a re-read I did. Author's summary: Alex is a former child star struggling to make the transition into being seen as a serious actor. He jumps at an opportunity to perform on stage in the UK, seeing it as a way to break free from the typecasting and show what he can really do. But he wasn’t prepared to star alongside someone he hates. // Henry is a recent theatre graduate who accepts an amazing role in a queer reimagining of Much Ado About Nothing. And then it turns out his co-star is none other than the man he’s been hopelessly pining after for years—even though Henry made a terrible first impression when they met. // It’s… well, it’s practically Shakespearean.

Breathing In, Breathing Out by smc_27 One of the best writers in our fandom, I believe. Author's summary: He can’t believe just when he started to get the sense he actually knew what he was doing, Henry would pull this. Like, as far as Alex knows he hasn’t done anything wrong. He’s on time for dates and he calls when he says he will. He remembers what Henry likes to eat and what his favourite drink is. He doesn’t watch movies alone that he thinks will be fun to watch together. He tries not to be distracting when they’re supposed to be studying.

He’s been thinking of Henry as his boyfriend in his head for like two weeks now.

Worrying Henry’s been lying about how much he likes this - how much he likes Alex - fucking hurts.

Okay! I can't wait to see what you've been reading (that you love)!!!! Yay! Thanks for playing!

BONUS--CURRENT READ IS

Bluebonnets and Polo Mallets by Chamel. @cha-melodius. Another one of the best writers in the fandom. Fic is a WIP but WILL get posted to completion. If you ever wanted to know what would happen when Polo player, Henry, and Rodeo star, Alex, meet up...this is your fic. SO GOOD!

[gingersnapwolves]

Hello friends I’m back from vacation with a lot to say! I’m going to do two posts, so I can put the pretty pictures which actually look good in a photo post and then contain my ramblings and selfies to this post LOL.

So last year while we were talking about vacations, my wife said we should go to Iceberg Alley so we could see icebergs. You know, sorry to the optimists in the audience but who knows how long we’ll still be able to do that? So I planned a trip to the Canadian Maritimes.

First thing you need to know about me and my wife is that neither of us like to fly. We do road trips. We’ve done tons and tons of road trips. When we lived in Arizona, we road-tripped to pretty much everywhere in the western United States. Fun fact about us - one of the things that first made us such good friends twenty-five (twenty-five?!?!?!) years ago is that we both like to drive around a lot and look at pretty scenery and just vibe. So I planned us a road trip. It pretty quickly became apparent that we couldn’t do both Nova Scotia and Newfoundland in one road trip because there’s just so MUCH to see. So we focused on Newfoundland for this trip for iceberg reasons. We did stop to see some things along the way, obviously, because the key to a good road trip is to try to break it up with cool shit.

The first day was basically driving (though we did stop at a No Kings protest in Maine for a while because we couldn’t miss that). Then across the border we went. Lupine everywhere! Tim Horton’s! Metric system! (My wife: is the speed limit really 110 mph? lmao no it is not.) 

First stop! Joggins Fossil Cliffs! It was very cool, we will have to do this again and take the guided tour because I’ve learned I couldn’t find a fossil if you put a gun to my head. Let the selfies begin!

We stopped a few more places on the way but forgot to take selfies (whoops) and then got on the ferry to Newfoundland. We had a little cabin because it’s a 16 hour ride to the east side of Newfoundland.

Once in Newfoundland, we went to Salmonier Nature Center, which was very cool. A lovely, beautiful walk through the woods and fen. My biggest disappointment was on this outing because I really wanted to see the lynx, and we waited a while outside the enclosure, hoping if we were quiet it would eventually come out, but it never did. On the other hand, caribou are magical.

On to the east side and St. John’s! We went to the Petty Harbor Mini Aquarium, which is a seasonal catch and release aquarium with an awesome touch tank.

Cape Spear, the eastern most point in North America.

Basilica of St. John the Baptist (we are the opposite of religious but my wife loves the architecture of churches and stained glass windows).

Memorial University Botanical Gardens

Johnson Geo Centre

Then we took a boat tour to go to Gull Island and see puffins! I didn’t get any good pictures here unfortunately. The puffins on the island were too far away to photograph clearly, and although I could see them fly and sometimes land in the water by the boat it was impossible to get a good shot of them. They were soooooooo incredibly cute though. My wife also saw a minke whale (I did not lol).

Driving inland, we went to Terra Nova National Park but I forgot to take a selfie until we were back at the car.

Interior Newfoundland is profoundly empty. Anywhere in America, if I pass a gas station with a quarter tank of gas, I can think ‘no big deal, I will definitely hit another gas station before I’m close to being out of gas’. Not so much in Newfoundland. I didn’t run out of gas but boy was I sweating a few times.

Can’t go to Canada without having Tim Horton’s! Sorry for the thumb. Uh, it was very early. I prefer Dunkie’s but TH had VERY good chocolate chip muffins and my wife loved their donuts.

Icebergs! Icebergs! Icebergs! (Pics to follow in my photo post.)

Chilling on Twilingate Island

On our drive around Twillingate, a bald eagle flew out over our car and flew alongside/above us for about five seconds and it was SO cool. Sadly we didn’t get any pictures of that because we were too busy being in awe.

Stayed at a nice little bed and breakfast

West we go! The Insectarium!

And then on to Gros Morne!

Now this was a trip. On one day it was eighty-five and sunny, then the next it was fifty, occasionally rainy, and very, very windy. I have rarely experienced wind that is actually difficult to walk against, but I really feared for my safety occasionally. We had booked a boat tour on Western Brook Pond, which is a glacier carved valley. To get to the pond is a 3 km walk and my wife is disabled (and in this weather, I wouldn’t have wanted to walk 6 km either). There were shuttles but very limited seating so we got there about 90 minutes early. When we got there, they said they were waiting on the captain’s decision on whether or not we could go out in this weather. Eventually we did, but . . . possibly shouldn’t have LOL. The water was rough. There was a ton of spray. We both got soaked about three minutes into the trip so we were freezing the whole time. I asked my wife to please not divorce me since I took her to see icebergs. 

Don’t get me wrong, it was beautiful and awesome in the original sense of the word, but holy shit. On the way back, the weather got even worse. Dense fog and even higher wind. We had to zig zag to get back to dock because of how strong the wind was, so it took quite some time. My teeth were actually chattering (we had dressed appropriately for the cold and wind but had not anticipated getting wet).

For obvious reasons, the tour after ours was canceled, which meant there was an entire boat full of people besides ours who wanted to use the shuttle, so it took a while to get one and I was basically frozen solid by the time I made it back to the car. Good times!

We got on the ferry on the western side of the island back to Nova Scotia, which is an eight hour ferry. We took the overnight, but there were no cabins when I booked, so we had reserved, reclining seats. No big deal, right? But the sea was still very rough. 

Now, I don’t get seasick. Carsick, yes, but I’ve never had a problem getting seasick (unless I try to read, so I don’t). Even on the cruise, when we were out on the open ocean, I was fine. Y’all. I got sick sick. Our seats were on the top deck, at the front of the ship. Worst place to be during rough weather. The staff kindly took me to a better seat but holy crap was I sick. The sea finally calmed down and I felt better but I probably didn’t sleep more than an hour. It sucked.

So the next day we just drove a little while on some back roads, looked at nice scenery, until I couldn’t stay awake anymore and we crashed at a motel and I passed out.

Me somewhere in Nova Scotia: I'm not sure I'm still safe to drive

Some fuckass deer: //runs out in front of my car//

Me: //screeches to a halt and avoids a collision//

Me: Okay guess I'm still good for a little while.

The next day, we went to Reversing Falls Rapids in St. John

And to Irving Nature Park

And then we were on our way back home!

On the whole it was a very enjoyable vacation, though a really tiring one haha. I think we need to take an easier one next. I'm also definitely forgetting at least one or two things but that's life, maybe I will update later if I think of them.

Quote of the trip: "Oh, yeah, X/99 ... got us obsessed with toxic gay relationships and the rest is history."

Honorable mention: "How is it?" "It's not ... bad ..." "Oh?" "Well, it's bad in a new and interesting way."

[lyngracetalksnwritesnstuff]

Jiang Family Analysis

Ok, so, I've wanted to make this post for a while because I've always had some distinct opinions about the Jiang Family, though not all of them are bad, per se.

Just a few disclaimers before I get started:

THE FOLLOWING IS MY PERSONAL OPINION AND MY OPINION ONLY. I HAVE (WHAT I THINK IS) SOUND REASONING FOR IT, BUT IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT OR AGREE WITH IT, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO READ THIS. I AM NOT TRYING TO PRESSURE MY VIEWS OF THESE CHARACTERS ON OTHERS. THIS IS SIMPLY HOW I SEE THEM. THIS IS ALSO NOT VERY JIANG PARENT FRIENDLY, SO BE WARNED. IF I AM FACTUALLY INCORRECT, YOU ARE WELCOME TO CORRECT ME IN THE COMMENTS.

Ok, here we go!

Jiang Fengmian:

I honestly have no respect for this man. Like, zero. I am glad he took in Wei Ying and gave him a home, but in doing so, he also destroyed his own home. Obviously, Madam Yu's abuse is not his fault; he didn't force her to abuse Wei Ying, but on that subject, he completely lacks backbone here, as well as pretty much everywhere we see him. The first and main reason I don't like him is the fact that Jiang Cheng's hurt and confusion on why Jiang Fengmian chooses Wei Ying over him is obvious. It's so incredibly clear. Madam Yu straight up tells him he's favoring Wei Ying over Jiang Cheng, and he does nothing to fix it. Over and over again, he's faced with problems he could so easily solve if he were to speak clearly and truthfully for one—because we know that he does love Jiang Cheng—and he chooses not to. Another example of this is the rumours that Wei Ying is Jiang Fengmian's son. I can't quite remember if it is stated directly in the novel, but we do know it was a prevalent rumour that would've certainly made it to Jiang Fengmian's ears. I am certain he knew Madam Yu may have thought Wei Ying was his son, or at least knew many people did, and yet again, he does nothing to address this issue. Another issue we see him use the "if I don't say anything, it can't get worse" approach, is with Wei Ying's abuse. He knew Madan Yu regularly abused Wei Ying, which, yes, while sort of period-appropriate, the level of abuse he received was not the norm, and the time it occurred at never excuses child abuse. Yes, Madam Yu usually did it when Jiang Fengmian wasn't home, but he was well aware of it. He could've put his foot down at any point—he was the godamn sect leader—but he chose not to. While I don't know if this was a sick way to attempt to appease Madam Yu, or just pure cowardice, I do know that no man with enough conviction to bring in an orphan, but without the backbone needed to protect them from abuse, should ever raise a child. We also see this failure to address issues with the general deterioration of his family and how he never seems fully present with them.

My take on this is that it's a sort of defense mechanism he developed from when he was first married to Yu Ziyuan, which was arranged, and I assume neither of them was happy with. Her verbal abuse (educated guess, we don't actually know anything about the state of their marriage pre-Wei Ying, but with Madam Yu's anger issues during the timeline, I kinda doubt they would've been a recent development, especially since anger seems to be how she expresses unhappiness) would've made it hard for him to stand up for himself, and he chose the route of "well, if I don't say anything, it can't possibly get worse" as a way of defending himself and helping himself cope with the unhappy situation. I feel like most of his issues are rooted in a fear of being wrong. Think about it, if he doesn't take a side, he can't get yelled at for choosing the wrong one, and if he never addresses a problem, it can't get worse—at least, so he thinks. Inaction is still abuse and neglect, intentional or not.

Madam Yu:

Again, I have very little respect for her. I enjoy her character base—a strong warrior woman forced into an arranged marriage with a complete pushover, and going mad falling for rumours and whispers about him being unfaithful, but as a person, she disgusts me. First and foremost, her behavior towards Wei Ying. This is the main issue I have with her, though I have bones to pick with her about her treatment of her bio children. Being angry at your husband because people are saying he cheated and then had a child, which he proceeded to bring back to your home to raise, is one thing; that's mostly valid. But taking that anger out on said child and systematically abusing them is completely and totally inexcusable and an abhorrent thing to do. Wei Ying did nothing wrong, a fact that he never seems to grasp, even near the end of the story, where he starts to heal and grow as a person. Madam Yu did such irreparable damage to him that he automatically assumed everything was his fault, even and especially when it was not. And all of that was for no reason other than petty bitterness, anger at his skills, and disdain for his mother. I also believe her behavior towards Jiang Cheng is mostly to blame for his later issues in life. She was the only parental figure who showed him even a shred of attention and investment in his progress, so as any child would do, he tried to model himself after her. This also does kinda loop back around to Jiang Fengmian, as if he'd showed even a little bit more affecttion towards Jiang Cheng, he might've turned out with healthier ways of expressing emotion. Madam Yu showed him that the only way he'd ever be important or worthy to anyone was if he was better than Wei Ying, better than someone—anyone else. This obviously left him with deep-seated self-worth issues and unhealthy ways of coping with grief, guilt, and uselessness. Lastly, her treatment of Jiang Yanli. This isn't something I've seen talked about a lot, but it's definitely there. I feel like Jiang Yanli is Madam Yu's Child She Doen't Pay Attention To like Jiang Cheng is Jiang Fengmian's. But instead of being bitter about it, Jiang Yanli focuses on being a positive parental figure to Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian and keeping their broken family together.

I really think Madam Yu's incessant anger is a product of feeling trapped in her environment, with a husband and children she never wanted, in a place she never learned to call home. This obviously doesn't excuse her abuse towards literally everyone in that household. It also doesn't excuse how she constantly would drive a wedge between Wei Ying and Jiang Cheng, isolating Jiang Cheng from his peers and driving home the thinking that if he was better than them, he shouldn't associate with them, and if they were better than him, they were rivals.

In summary, for both Madam Yu and Jiang Fengmian, I truly believe that had they been in a happy relationship, or not been in a relationship at all, their children's lives would've been so much better. You can blame Wei Ying and Jiang Cheng, and Jiang Yanli, all you want, but at the end of the day, it was their parents who taught them how to act, and they were terrible role models. This obviously doesn't excuse any bad decisions they made, but it does explain them.

Wei Ying:

Wei Wuxian is a tragedy. Abandoned as a young child (though not willingly) and taken into an abusive home where he was taught that he could never leave because of the debt he owed them and that everything bad that happened was his fault. Then, as an adult, he was shamed for doing whatever he could to survive and protect his loved ones, even by his own family. He tried everything he could to save everyone and be the good guy because that was his job, in his mind. He had to save everyone and be righteous, but he also wants to, which is what makes him such a fundamentally good person. Then, when he does an objectively good thing and saves innocent people—which is what he's been taught to do his whole life, by the whole cultivation world—he's condemned for it, society telling him, "No, not those innocent people. You can only save the innocents we tell you to; otherwise, you're a villain." He tries everything to be good, to take care of those he cares about, does everything he's told, and fails.

Because he was doing the very thing cultivators prided themselves on, he was pushed off the edge. Even after he comes back and his name is cleared, it's never quite the same, because everyone still associates him with the "Evil" Yilling Laozu who haunted their cautionary tales. Because the cultivation world deemed him unclean and evil, Wei Ying—barely an adult at the time—was pushed to death because he tried to save innocents who deserved to live.

The saddest thing of all is that he never defends himself. He'd defend the Wen Remnants and keep the Yin Tiger Tally out of the hands that would abuse it, but he never once tried to defend his own actions regarding demonic cultivation and why he uses it. He lets people assume the worst of him because he thinks he deserves it.

Jiang Cheng:

Okay, here's a complicated one! I'd like to start this with a message to all the Jiang Cheng haters and stans who claim that Jiang Cheng is purely good/bad and that the other is selectively reading the text: Congratulations, you're both reading the text selectively. Jiang Cheng is a complex characters who makes bad decisions and good decisions and has reasons for most of his actions, just like any well-developed character.

Jiang Cheng is perhaps the most tragic of all the characters. He was happy until Wei Ying came into the picture, and he had to adjust to another sibling in the house. Then his mother started to push him to be better than Wei Ying when he really doesn't want to, but he has to want it, because he can't afford to lose the love his mother gives him when his father ignores his existence exept for an occasional dissapointed glance. He has to show him as well, then he'll love both of them the same. His mother starts to double down on both Wei Ying and him, alienating them further, leaving Jiang Cheng isolated from most of his peers. He only had Wei Ying and Jiang Yanli, and maybe Nie Huaisang. That, along with the poor emotional processing he copied from his mother, causes him to drift further away from others his age and become more attached to Wei Ying, as he's his only friend at this point. He never learned how to properly socialize as a child, and doesn't see the point now, because Wei Ying promised to never leave. Another tragic part of Jiang Cheng is that I don't think he realized how he was trying to chain Wei Ying to him and Lotus Pier. I truly think that he was just desperate and lonely and didn't think about how their promise would affect Wei Ying's life.

When Wei Ying leaves with the Wen Remnants, Jiang Cheng was angry, confused, and terrified of losing Wei Ying, so much so that he was ready to take him back by force. I think that if circumstances had allowed it, he would've taken the Wen Remnants to Yunmeng just to get Wei Ying back because he's his only friend, the only one he has left after Yanli marries out.

I think a lot of Jiang Cheng's character is created from his crippling fear of being alone because he's never had to be before and it terrifies him. Madam Yu, as I explained earlier, was not a good emotional role model and only taught him to mask all of his other emotions and express everything through anger, which makes him come across as rude and asshole-y to others. Often, I see "Jiang Cheng character development" portrayed as Wei Ying learning to read into his anger, but that is NOT character development. Character development is having that man learn to express emotions other than rage and hate. Let him learn to show sadness, happiness, love, fear, all the things! Wei Ying shouldn't have to learn how to read his shouting, and Jiang Cheng should learn how to Emotion properly. This obviously wouldn't be an easy process, but it is something he could do if he pushed himself to, with the help of his family and friends.

Jiang Yanli:

Okay, so first of all, Jiang Yanli is our queen here, okay? I've seen people portray her as more on Wei Ying's side, or more on Jiang Cheng's side, or absent like Jiang Fengmian, and (in my opinion) that is Incorrect. Jiang Yanli is the glue that holds her family together. There is a reason they stayed together for so long, and it was Yanli. I see her as the eldest daughter who sees all the cracks in her family and tries desperately to fix them and put the pieces back together. Siblings suffering from a lack of a positive parental figure? Okay, she'll be the parental figure. An arranged marriage that will help her sect and make her mother happy with her (for once)? Alright, sure. A nephew or niece will surely bring her brothers together. She is also such a tragedy because she never once complains about having to do so much work to keep her family together. She just smiles and makes more soup and tries her best to mediate her brothers' latest argument. She's constantly fixing, mending, mediating, giving advice, and making her brothers smile, and it never shows. She had to give up her childhood to parent her brothers, and she never even mentions it. She gives her brothers both unconditional love and support and hopes it's enough. She may not understand everything they do, but she loves them and will never let them forget it. She tried so hard to keep her family together, and it wasn't enough. It might've been, if she had survived, but even then, Jiang Cheng and Wei Ying were already pretty at odds. Honestly, the most impressive thing about her is how she managed to be the perfect, loving, caring shijie to Jiang Cheng and Wei Ying without much parental guidance herself. Madam Yu was never happy with her and ignored her most of the time, and I assume Jiang Fengmian was her main parent until Wei Ying came into their lives and he diverted all his attention to him, which she never held against Wei Ying. She is one of the kindest, gentlest characters in mdzs, yet also one of the strongest.

So, that's my take on the Jiang Family! Remember this is just my opinion and take on these characters, and some of this is pure inference and educated guess, as we don't have a lot of canon evidence for what Jiang Fengmian and Yu Ziyuan's marriage pre-Wei Ying, and we also don't have a lot of info on the Jiang Family from pre Wei Ying and from when they were children, so I tried my best to fill in the gaps.

Hope you liked this! It's like 2 am where I am rn and I'm exhausted, so sorry if this doesn't make sense lol! I promise I'm still working on Chapter Four of my Yilling Wei Sect AU, I just took a break to write this cause I needed to get it out of my brain. I may do the other main sect families later this week too!