#I told my aunt earlier today and while she said she would support me I still got a bit of flack from her.

[iero]

I've finally told my very narcissistic mother that I might be potentially moving almost 700 miles away this fall. It did not go well.

[dreamwritesimagines]

Enamored [47] - The End

A.N: And the last chapter❤ I cannot thank you enough for your wonderful support throughout the story my loves, ILYSM ❤ And as always, thank you @theskytraveler for helping me with the chapter and the story❤

Summary: Everyone finds their home, sooner or later.

Warnings: Regency era society and social rules, mentions of sex, some gender specific language and terms, mentions of pregnancy.

Word Count: 5700

Series Masterlist

The morning of the ball was nothing if not complete chaos.

It felt as if nothing would be completely ready by the time for the ball to start, even though you had basically stayed up until dawn to make sure you hadn’t overlooked anything. You barely had any time to eat or sit down during the day and instead spent the whole time either in the ballroom or in the yard but now that you were looking at the result—

It looked absolutely amazing.

The opposites theme of the yard and the ballroom was impossible to miss. While the yard looked like it was made of chaos and fire, the ballroom seemed almost otherworldly with the waterfall in the middle, white and gold adorning the whole room. The foyer would serve as a transition point between the chaos and the peace –vices and virtues- and it was filled with pastel colors and flowers leading to the ballroom.

You and Lucie had been in your bedroom for almost two hours now. The modiste had worked her expertise yet again, as you could see from the gown you were in. Just as you wanted, it seemed to be the perfect depiction of wrath; blood red and nearly intimidating. The skirts of the gown was slightly wider than the rest, and the top of the bodice matched the thin crown placed on your head; both had sharp and pointy rubies like red shards of glass, gleaming in the candlelight. There was no doubt that your costume alone would be talked about by the ton, seeing how unusual it would appear among the sea of light colored gowns symbolizing virtues.

Well, it was the night for revenge after all.

Speaking of the night, now that you knew for sure Frederick would be captured tonight at the ball –Anthony had presented the papers and the proof to the court earlier today—, you could hardly control yourself. You had been feeling guilty for lying to everyone around you, so when Lucie was finished with your hair and gown, you had sat her down to explain to her what had been happening lately.

“So that’s why we have been fighting,” you finished your story while Lucie gawked at you, still covering her mouth. “Well…feigning fighting that is.”

“You’re jesting.”

You shook your head. “No. I’m sorry that I had to keep it from you Lucie, I couldn’t tell anyone.”

“But all those arguments…”

“It was for the ton to hear about, from the staff. You know how it is.”

“And sleeping apart?”

You nodded in the direction of the door leading to Anthony’s room from yours. “We exchanged rooms when everyone went to sleep.”

“The divorce?”

You waved a hand in the air. “Not happening of course. We’re madly in love, and the mere rumor of it was enough to lure Frederick. It worked better than I expected.”

Lucie let out a laugh and rushed to wrap her arms around you to hug you tight, making you let out a giggle.

“Oh I was so worried!” she said, pulling back. “I’ve never felt happier to be tricked.”

You clasped your hands over hers and sat down on the bed, pulling her to do the same. “Will you forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive,” she said, shaking her head. “Except for my sleepless nights for worrying about you, that is.”

“Everything is alright,” you assured her. “And I apologize again.”

“Does anyone else know?”

“Us, Elias and Cece and my father.”

“No one else?”

“Father told Aunt Lavinia I think,” you said. “Everyone else will know tonight, thankfully. I could no longer bear this deception.”

“God, it must’ve been so hard…”

“It was,” you said. “But it’ll be over tonight. And besides; the season is ending, we’re all going back to the countryside next week so it’ll be even better. I could use a break from London and this whole thing.”

Her smile faded slightly and she stole a look at you, making you tilt your head.

“What is it?”

“My lady, there is something I must tell you,” she said. “I—I didn’t even entertain the possibility because I thought you were unhappy, and I would never leave you alone if you were but…”

You pulled your brows together. “Lucie, I’m happy beyond words. I assure you—and I happen to think this has strengthened the bond Anthony and I have.”

“Yes, and I’m so happy to hear it,” she said. “But I was wondering, since we will go to the countryside after the season is over… After we settle you down in the Aubrey Hall of course, I was wondering if I could have a change of employment?”

You pulled back slightly, your heart doing a painful flip.

“What?”

“I mean now that I know you will be in good hands…”

“Wait Lucie—is this because I had to lie to you?” you asked almost frantically, “I really do apologize and it was never my intention to hurt you, you must believe me—”

“No that’s not the reason at all, it’s a much more pleasant reason actually,” she assured you and you licked your lips.

“What?”

“I wish to have a change of employment because,” she swallowed thickly. “Because I’m in love.”

You gasped, pressing your hands over your chest. “You’re in love?” you repeated. “Oh Lucie, that’s amazing! With whom?”

She paused for a moment and took a deep breath.

“Your cousin.”

You blinked a couple of times and your stomach sank.

“Oh no…” you whispered to yourself. “Lucie, you’re the loveliest person in the entire world but I’m afraid Kenneth is—um—he has someone in mind—”

“It’s not the future Earl of Ashdown,” she cut you off. “It’s Lady Iona and…I’m glad to say that she returns my affections.”

You stared at her for a moment before it dawned on you and your jaw dropped.

“Oh my goodness!” you said before reaching out to hold her hands again, a huge smile pulling at your lips. “Isn’t it the most wonderful feeling in the world Lucie? Falling in love?”

She let out a relieved breath and nodded, blinking back the tears. “It is,” she said. “And you’re not…angry at me for not telling you?”

You shook your head fervently.

“God no!” you said. “I do apologize wholeheartedly though.”

“You apologize?” she asked. “For what?”

“For trying to matchmake you with that jeweler’s son back in Paris,” you said. “And then the chef’s apprentice. And then the—well you understand my point, had I known beforehand I would’ve tried to matchmake you with a lady, or a maid, or oh!” Your head shot up. “Or my modiste back in Paris, she was very beautiful if you ask me— but I suppose it was fate. You were meant to find love in London just like me.”

She let out a happy sob and hugged you tight again.

“Thank you my lady,” she said. “And yes. I suppose I was.”

You pressed a kiss on her cheek and pulled back to look at her better.

“So you wish to go to Scotland to be with Iona?”

“Yes my lady,” she said. “She offered multiple times and I said no but now that I know you’re going to be happy, I was wondering if it would be such a terrible thing to do.”

“It’s the best thing to do,” you said and wiped at your eyes. “I must admit it pains me to even think of being apart from you, but you must follow your heart Lucie. It would be incredibly hypocritical of me to ask for anything otherwise. You found love, so you should be with the one you love.”

She offered you a small smile, blinking back the tears and you took a deep breath.

“But you must promise me you will come to visit as much as possible,” you said. “And I will visit Scotland too, Aunt Lavinia invited me before, and—and it takes a week for the letters to arrive in England from France, and it probably takes less time between here and Scotland, so we will exchange letters all the time.”

She nodded. “I couldn’t bear not knowing what you’re doing.”

“The feeling is mutual,” you said with a smile and sat up straighter. “And now I will tell you what my father and Elias told me before I married Anthony. Before I left Avon House to move here.”

“What is it?”

“No matter who you decide to be with, or for how long,” you said. “My house will be always open to you, and you can come back whenever you wish. No questions asked. Bridgerton House and Aubrey Hall will always be your home, and it will always welcome you whenever you wish it to.”

A sob climbed up her throat and you cupped her cheek.

“And I’m afraid I must put my foot down because it is not up to negotiation,” you said. “You may be employed there and such, but in addition to your salary from there, your salary from me will keep coming to Scotland—”

“My lady, I can’t possibly—”

“I’m not going to hear it Lucie, my decision is final,” you said and offered her a small smile. “My father made sure I was protected in every way before letting me marry, you must simply let me do the same even though it’s in unofficial ways.”

She smiled back at you and sniffled. “Thank you.”

You wiped at your eyes and let out a small laugh.

“Well now I’m afraid no one will see me as wrath because I cried,” you joked and she chuckled.

“No no, I’d say you still look intimidating.”

A knock on the door made you turn your head.

“Come in?”

The door opened to reveal Anthony and he paused for a moment, his gaze fixed on you, a look of surprise crossing his face.

“I will leave you be,” Lucie rushed to her feet. “My lady. My lord.”

With that, she left the room and you got up from the bed to drop an exaggerated curtsy.

“So what do you think?”

Anthony closed the door behind him and strode to you to pull you into a kiss, making you giggle.

“Darling you look divine,” he muttered to your lips and you ran your fingertips over the lapels of his jacket that were lined with gold threads, gleaming against black fabric.

“And you look very handsome as always,” you said. “Are the guests here?”

“Most of them. They’re by the yard for the fireworks, and your fire breathers are gathering quite the attention.”

You gave him a proud smile and he tilted your chin up to look at you better.

“Were you crying?”

“Oh I was just…emotional.”

“What happened?”

“I will tell you later,” you said. “Shall we go then?”

He grinned and stole another kiss from you, then offered you his arm. You let out a laugh and took it, and walked out of the room with him.

When you got to the yard, you were nearly pulled away from Anthony. Not that you could say anything, considering you two were still pretending to be on bad terms, but almost all the guests seemed to have something to say to you. After greeting all the Bridgertons and Lady Danbury— and managing to dodge their questions— you caught the sight of your family entering the yard so you quickly excused yourself to make your way to them.

“Hello everyone!”

“Wow,” Kenneth commented. “I knew you would wear something scandalous but not this,”

You shot him a grin and pressed a kiss on your father’s cheek.

“Father,” you said before kissing Aunt Lavinia’s cheek as well. “And welcome!”

“Y/N, this is amazing.” Aunt Lavinia said and your father nodded.

“You look so lovely my dearest.”

“Thank you!” you said. “Let me guess, Aunt Lavinia you are wisdom and father, you are…”

“Temperance.”

“Y/N guess what I am!” Iona said excitedly and you tilted your head.

“Give me a clue?”

“Me and Ken decided to come as Aristotle’s virtues!” Iona said, motioning at herself. “I am friendliness and Ken is truthfulness.”

“I was going to come as a vice but she insisted,” Kenneth said, pointing at Iona and you giggled.

“Well you both look amazing!”

“I cannot believe there are fire breathers,” your father said. “Are we sure that’s safe considering you and Elias being here?”

“Father!”

“I’m just expression a safety concern,” he held up his hands, gesturing surrender with a grin and you heaved a sigh.

“Speaking of, where are they?”

Kenneth pointed at somewhere over your shoulder and you turned your head to see Elias and Cecily entering the yard. A smile pulled at your lips and as if on cue, the fireworks started, drawing gasps and noises of admiration from the crowd. You quickly approached Elias and Cecily and hugged Cecily, then Elias.

“Welcome!”

“It looks wonderful Chérie,” Elias smiled at you. “And so do you.”

“Everyone is already talking about your gown,” Cecily said and you grinned.

“Why thank you,” you said. “So Cece, I know you are Hope and Elias you are...”

“Love!” he said, motioning at the small heart pinned on his jacket. “I’m Love. I figured since you’re not going as that…”

“Good choice, it suits you.”

“And wrath suits you,” he said before his eyes caught the sight of something to your left and his jaw clenched. “Speaking of wrath…”

You stole a look in that direction and that familiar fury roared through you as soon as your eyes fell on Frederick. He raised his glass and looked around, then made his way to you.

“Make sure father is alright,” you told Elias and he took a deep breath.

“Chérie…”

“These are his last hours, Elias,” you murmured. “Anthony already presented the court the papers, they know where he will be tonight. It’s just a matter of time until he’s gone for good.”

Cecily squeezed at Elias’s arm.

“We will be with Lord Avon and Aunt Lavinia,” she told you and pulled him in their direction as soon as Frederick reached you.

“Well well…” he said, “It seems that you took after your mother on how to throw a ball as well. She certainly knew how to gather attention, both to the ball and to herself.”

You narrowed your eyes.

“I didn’t know you would be here.”

“Why would I not?” he asked. “Your husband invited me.”

Of course. Frederick would have got suspicious if you had invited him, but having Anthony invite him had only served to make him believe this deception even further.

“Oh did he?”

“A smart man, your husband,” he said as the fireworks kept exploding in the sky and you grabbed a drink from one of the trays. “Too bad he was blinded by love before you got married but I’m glad he’s seeing sense now.”

“And let me guess, you’re helping him?”

“It’s only fair,” he pointed out. “After all, you have come between me and the one and only thing I wanted in the world.”

“My mother never wanted you,” you deadpanned and his jaw clenched.

“Careful there.”

You tilted your head. “Or what?” you asked and he gripped the glass tighter. “It hurts doesn’t it? Deep down?”

“What?”

“You hate me and my father wholeheartedly,” you said. “But my mother loved us both. She loved me and Elias and my father more than anyone or anything in the world. But you? You went through all that, even more than 20 years later you’re trying to take some sort of revenge because you made yourself believe you loved her, she on the other hand didn’t even care about you at all.”

“You have no idea what you speak of.”

“I do though,” you said, looking him dead in the eye. “It’s not that you lost her, you do realize that? You never had her to begin with.”

He gritted his teeth.

“Let me tell you something about my parents,” you said. “My mother was so in love with my father that even after not seeing him for more than twenty years, his name was the only name she was saying on her deathbed, like she was talking to him. The same with my father, after his incident, when he had fever, when he was on death’s doorstep, all he could see or think about was her, he thought he was speaking to her. In their case it makes sense but in your case, I can’t help but find it ironic, almost.”

“Ironic?” he repeated. “And why is that?”

“Because when it’s time for you to die,” you said. “You’re going to go through the same. You’re going to see her, but…she won’t answer.”

A shadow crossed his eyes and you smiled.

“So yes, it’s ironic,” you said. “Because my mother felt love when she was dying, and I’m sure so will my father. But you? You will only feel the pain of never being loved by the one and only person you wanted the most in the entire world.”

He stared at you and your smile widened.

“Enjoy the ball,” you said and walked away from him to your family, fireworks still exploding in the sky.

                                                           *

By the time the firework show was finished, everyone was already impressed by your ball but you were nowhere near done. The ballroom made the exact impact you wanted as soon as the doors were opened, and people had spent so much time just admiring the setting and complimenting you before the orchestra started.

You and Anthony hadn’t danced yet, you didn’t want to raise any suspicions in Frederick until the last moment, but you could almost feel how much he wanted to be close to you because you were taken by the same urge as well. You absentmindedly played with your necklace and stole a look at him to see him repress a smile, twisting his ring around his finger. You stopped the warm smile threatening to pull at your lips as well, and turned your head when you heard someone clear their throat.

“Hugh!” you said, grinning at him and he bowed his head.

“Lady Bridgerton.”

“I was beginning to think you wouldn’t come.”

“And miss your first ball?” he asked. “Never. Apparently my sister is in love with one of the lords in here, so I had to wait for her to pick the perfect gown. Took an hour.”

“Abby and Edith are here too?”

“Mm hm. Just over there, see?”

You looked to the corner of the room and waved at them.

“I will welcome them in person and thank them for coming,” you said and tilted your head at Hugh. “How angry would you be at me if I told you I’m planning on matchmaking Abby with the one she loves?”

“You know who it is?”

“Mm hm.”

“Who is it?”

You shrugged your shoulders. “I’ve had my experiences with my own very protective brother, I will not betray Abby that way thank you very much.”

He threw his head back and groaned. “Y/N!”

“What?” you asked airily. “Besides if it’s true love, you cannot possibly be thinking of standing in their way.”

“Will you not rest until you wed all my sisters?”

“I will not rest until everyone that I love finds true love,” you corrected him and he stole a look at you before sipping his drink.

“And how do you feel?”

“Hm?”

“I heard about the…” he motioned in Anthony’s way. “Rumors. Are you alright?”

“Oh!” you said and nodded. “Of course.”

“You don’t have to lie to me, you know that.”

“I’m not lying to you,” you said. “Trust me. It will all be alright in the end.”

He heaved a sigh and you offered him a small smile.

“But enough about my love story,” you said. “How about yours?”

“Hm?”

You looked around to check whether anyone was listening and leaned in closer.

“How are you and my cousin?”

He shot you a light hearted glare. “Your cousin and I decided that we should remain friends actually.”

You gasped, pressing a hand over your chest. “What?”

“Mm hm.”

“Oh no, that’s a disaster!”

He pulled his brows together. “Not it’s not, I told you—”

“Are you very heartbroken Hugh?” you cut him off. “When I was heartbroken I locked myself in the house and I refused to see anyone, do you feel the urge to do the same? Because I can be there for you and visit you every day if you’d like, I have experience in heartbreak now so if you ever need—”

“Y/N, I’m perfectly alright, and so is he,” he said, nodding in his direction and you looked over your shoulder to see Kenneth catching his gaze, then raised a glass in his direction. There was no hostility whatsoever in his eyes and you frowned in confusion before you turned back to Hugh.

“But you were in love!”

“No we were not, as we both told you over and over again.”

“But I saw you two…um—”

“You do realize that not everyone whom you happen to like spending time together has to be your one and only love?”

“You were kissing though!

“To repeat, it doesn’t mean we’re each other’s true love.”

Your frown deepened before you heaved a dramatic sigh.

“Very well then,” you said. “I had originally planned to put all my efforts into finding Edith her one true love after I was finished with Abby, but I’m afraid this is more urgent.”

“Uh oh.”

“I will find you your one true love, a lady or a lord,” you said. “And I shall do the same for Ken when I visit Scotland. I think he prefers lords though, so I shall find him a dashing lord.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“Besides, we’re family now,” you said, motioning between yourself and him. “We will visit each other a lot after the season is over, remember?”

“You’re always welcome in my house but I’m begging you, please—”

“I will throw a ball at the Aubrey Hall as well, I think that would multiply the chance to find someone who happens to catch your interest.”

“Why is love like the plague for you?” Hugh asked. “Just because you have it, does not mean you should infect everyone with it.”

“I will not stop until the whole world is as happy and in love as I am,” you said, wagging your finger at him in a threatening manner and he repressed a laugh, holding up his hands.

“You don’t have to be so menacing about it.”

“It appears that I must,” you said and he heaved a dramatic sigh, shaking his head.

“Will you change your mind if I fight you on this?”

“Of course not.”

“Thought so,” he said before holding out his hand. “A dance with the lady of the house then?”

You smiled at him and took his hand, then let him lead you to the dance floor.

                                               *

An hour into the ball, you had already danced with Kenneth, Elias and even your father before accepting Mr. Sinclair’s dance request. Now that he was completely smitten by Jane, for the whole dance he hadn’t stopped talking about her and made sure to thank you for introducing him to his true love, a statement that put a smile on your face. However, towards the end of your dance with him, you caught the sight of Cecily walking out of the ballroom so as soon as the dance was over, you grabbed another drink and excused yourself to look for Cecily. After a maid informed you that she had gone upstairs to the washroom, you quickly made your way to upstairs as well to knock on the door.

“Cece?”

“A minute!” she called out before the noise of heaving reached your ears and you scrunched up your nose, then leaned back to the wall.

“Are you alright?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want me to get Elias?”

“Oh no, I don’t want him to worry, this is—” she was cut off as she heaved again, then cleared her throat. “This is completely normal, as terrible as it sounds.”

You repressed a small chuckle and soon enough she opened the door of the washroom, wiping at her mouth with a towel.

“Should I send for a maid?”

She shook her head and offered you a smile.

“I’m getting used to it actually,” she said. “As much as one could get used to it, that is.”

“I do not envy you on that part,” you pointed out. “But I admit, I envy you on every other aspect of it.”

“Oh don’t worry, I’m very certain that soon enough you will be going through the same thing that I am going through right now.”

You sipped your drink. “Who knows?”

“I do,” she said and frowned. “Where’s your other earring?”

You touched your earlobes and let out a whine.

“I must have dropped it on the dance floor,” you said. “Great. I’ll just change them and look for it after everyone else leaves.”

She grinned. “Maybe a jealous lady stole it.”

You burst into a laugh. “Cece!”

“Could happen.”

“No it couldn’t,” you said and her grin widened.

“Alright alright…” she said. “I’m going back to the ballroom then.”

“I’ll be right there,” you said and made your way to your bedroom. You put your glass on the vanity, quickly grabbed another pair of ruby earrings –the spare ones you had saved for tonight- and checked your reflection in the mirror. You turned a little to check if your gown still looked as good as it did when you first walked into the ballroom, then smiled and grabbed your drink again before leaving the room.

It was only when you reached the hallway that you saw Anthony on the other side and you tilted your head.

“What are you doing here?”

“Looking for you,” he said with a small smile and you grinned.

“I had an earring emergency,” you said. “Why were you looking for me? Is everything alright?”

He looked over his shoulder as some noises reached you from the foyer downstairs and then turned to you again.

“You wanted to enjoy the view from a good spot, did you not?” he asked and as soon as it dawned on you what he was implying, your breath got caught in your throat, then you rushed past him to reach the mezzanine, where you could look down at the foyer that seemed to be swarming with people now, giving you a clear view.

“Let go of me at once!” Frederick’s voice rang through the foyer as two men –armed guards, as you could see- yanked him into the foyer. “How dare you? What is this?”

“Earl Woodhall, the parliament found that you have committed forgery and fraud,” one of the guards by the foyer said, not even moving an inch as your eyes caught the sight of your family, Lady Danbury and the Bridgertons leaving the ballroom as well to step into the foyer, the remaining guests following them. “You have broken her majesty the Queen’s laws as well as the parliament’s, and you will be punished accordingly.”

Even you could tell that all blood had left Frederick’s face as Anthony came to stand beside you while a dark smile curled your lips.

You wanted to see the look on his face one last time.

You held out your arm and let the glass slip from your grasp and in mere seconds it hit the marble floor, shattering into pieces, the sound gathering everyone’s attention considering how it was completely quiet because of people’s shock. Frederick’s head snapped up and Anthony threw an arm over your shoulder, raising his glass at him with a small smirk while you tilted your head, a pleased smile apparent on your lips.

“…You.” Frederick growled and you leaned your elbows on the railings, letting out a small laugh.

“It was about time you saw what real revenge looked like, and you’ve made it very easy,” you commented, entwining your fingers with Anthony. “Goodbye Frederick.”

With that, the guards dragged him out of the house and you stole a look at Elias and your father, who were both wearing similar smiles before turning to the rest of the guests who were staring at you and Anthony.

“Speech?” Anthony murmured and you nodded, then cleared your throat.

“Well now that the only traitor among us has been taken away and soon to meet his fate,” you said with a smile. “Allow us to welcome you to the Bridgerton House, and the last ball of the season.”

“Hear hear,” Elias called out, raising his glass and you let out a laugh as people started clapping.

“First of all, we would like to thank our dearest friends here who knew what has been happening for the last month was nothing but a necessary deception to uncover Earl Woodhall’s crimes,” you said. “Thank you so much for keeping our secret and not telling anyone.”

Anthony raised his brows and repressed a smirk.

Of course. The ton liked to be involved in anything and everything, especially any kind of secret. So by making them think some people among them knew your fights and divorce rumors were nothing but a deception, you were making sure that they wouldn’t suspect anything otherwise.

You were certain that so many people were going to tell each other they had known all along, even if they had been the first ones to jump on the divorce rumors.

“And to the rest who did not know,” you said. “For not being able to share it with you and for making you worry, we apologize.”

“Wholeheartedly,” Anthony said, pulling you closer to press a kiss on top of your head, earning a chorus of “aww” from the guests and you giggled.

“The second part of fireworks are going to start in half an hour as a celebration,” you said. “So yes, thank you so much for coming, and we hope you will enjoy the rest of the ball!”

Another round of applause exploded through the hallway and Anthony kissed the back of your hand, then winked at you.

“Come on,” he said. “We should go and get scolded by my family before we celebrate with yours.”

                                                 *

The ball was finished towards the dawn, and in your opinion –and also in almost all guests’ opinion, as they kept telling you- it had been the best ball of the season. After everyone left, instead of going back to your bedroom, you pulled Anthony by the hand to step outside, and went to the yard to sit down on the grass, with him following you. He leaned back to the tree you were sitting under, then pulled you closer to hold you in his arms, nuzzling to the top of your hair while you made yourself comfortable, resting your head on his chest, twisting his ring around his finger.

“I can’t believe it’s over,” you murmured, keeping your eyes on the gorgeous shades of orange and red painting the sky and he chuckled.

“Me neither,” he said. “I’m actually relieved, I kept thinking something would come up at the last second. That he would somehow figure it out.”

“He was too blinded by his hate to figure it out.”

“Lord Moore told me that his wife didn’t even tell him about our plan, but apparently she knew.”

“Mm, I overheard the same from Lady Bolton,” you said. “Apparently she knew as well.”

Anthony scoffed a laugh. “Unbelievable…”

“Do you think your mother and Lady Danbury forgave us when we explained it to them?” you asked. “They looked like they forgave us.”

“I think they did forgive us, but I can’t say the same for Eloise.”

“Oh me neither,” you said. “But I mean, this time next week we will all be together at Aubrey Hall, so she will have to forgive us.”

“After some bribe yes, I’m sure she will.”

You let out a giggle and craned your neck to look up at him only for him to dip his head to brush his lips against yours, then caressed your cheekbone with his thumb, smiling softly.

“Have I told you how beautiful you looked tonight?”

You hummed, pretending to be in deep thought. “Only once.”

“Ah that’s simply not acceptable,” he joked, making you giggle again. “You are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on my love.”

“And you’re the most handsome man I’ve ever laid my eyes on, so we make quite a fine pair in my humble opinion,” you said with a grin, making him chuckle.

“We do.”

“And I love you.”

“I love you too darling. With my whole being.”

You squeezed at his arm and nibbled on your lip.

“Anthony mon amour, I realized something tonight.”

He buried his nose into your hair again. “What is it?”

“I feel like…” you paused for a moment. “Every single thing that has happened, it had to be. It was all supposed to happen from the beginning, and now I feel—I feel like I am home now. Like I actually belong here, like this right there was where I was meant to be all along. We were meant to find each other and be together, it was just meant to be.”

Anthony pressed a kiss on your temple, holding you tighter.

“It was,” he murmured. “And you are home now.”

You smiled slightly and took a deep breath, leaning your head back to his chest and inhaling his scent, a sense of relief washing over you.

“Yes,” you said. “Yes I think I am.”

                                  The End.

Epilogue

 PS: Wow, this was a long ride!😁 Thank you so so much to every single one of you my loves who has given me amazing support and HCs and ideas! I wouldn’t be able to write this without you, I love you so much!❤

And special thanks to my wonderful friend and beta Bea for helping me with the whole story and making it so much better with her ideas and editing skills, and TM anon for their wonderful analyses of the chapters! You are awesome! ❤

[zafirosreverie]

Por amor al arte (Julieta x Fem!Reader) part 28

part1 < > next

song used: Por amor al arte by Ivan Guevara

__________________________

"I just came to warn you that I heard your daughters secreting in the yard" you said casually

“Oh no…what are they planning now?” Julieta sighed, putting another batch of cupcakes in the oven.

"I don't know, I don't have Dolores’ gift" you shrugged "I just came to let you know, so in case something happens, you know it wasn't me"

The brunette looked at you with a smile as you took one of the pastry bags from the table and began to decorate the cake. Today was a big day, it was Eliza's birthday party, her first anniversary. If you were honest, she had actually turned a year old a month ago, but due to the passing of your brother a few weeks earlier, the celebration had been delayed until now.

It was also the day that you and Julieta would finally talk to her daughters and tell them the truth about your relationship, which had you on the verge of a mental breakdown due to nerves. The brunette had done everything possible to assure you that everything would be fine, that Isabela would be excited for sure and Luisa and Mirabel adored you. In the very unlikely case that they didn't accept it at first, they eventually would.

But you could see behind her facade. You only had to look into her eyes to see the deep fear she felt as well. She didn't want her daughters to think badly of her, to believe that she was trying to replace their father. She didn't want them to hate her. And then you would spring into action, assuring her that no matter what, her three daughters loved her and nothing was going to change that.

So here the two of you were, trying to support each other when you knew perfectly well the other was scared to death as well. A great couple, really.

"Allow me" she said, trying to take the pastry bag from your hand.

“Ah-ah” you said, walking away from her “my daughter, my cake”

“I made the cake” she crossed her arms

"Which means I get to decorate it!" you argued “how hard can it be to make jingle bells and caterpillars?”

“They look like potatoes, not caterpillars, Y/N”

“If you are going to be insulting my art, get out of my kitchen, Madrigal”

"It's MY kitchen, Y/L/N" the brunette told you, outraged "And give me that, you're going to stain the cake"

“I will if you keep moving me!”

“Y/N!”

"Julieta!"

"Niñas!"

You two jumped and looked embarrassed while Alma looked at you with her typical strict mother look and a very amused Pepa laughed behind her. You looked out of the corner of your eye to see Julieta blushing at being caught being childish. She was adorable.

"I can’t believe it. You two can't be alone for a moment without fighting? One would think that would come after marriage” the redhead winked at you

"Pepa!" Julieta grunted, blushing more, but it only made her sister laugh louder.

“Very well, save the teasing for later. We have many things to finish and the guests are almost here” Alma interrupted “Pepa, help your sister with the cake, Y/N and I will take care of the cupcakes” she winked at you

"Yes!" you jumped, happy that they let you decorate something.

"Yes, mom" The sisters answered in unison.

The four of you got down to business, with you and Alma making more frosting for the cupcakes while Pepa and Julieta decorated the cake. You heard laughter from outside and you smiled as you looked out the window and saw Félix, Mariano, and Bruno with buckets on their heads, making Eliza laugh, jumping on Dolores's lap. When Camilo entered the kitchen a few moments later and began to help his mother and aunt, you couldn't help but feel a warm feeling wash over you.

They were your family, no matter what would happen later with Julieta's daughters. You only hoped that Karim, Agustín, and Aharhel were watching this from heaven.

________________________________

"Luisa, stay still!" Isabela scolded "You're going to make me ruin your makeup"

"Sorry, I'm nervous"

“We all are, but we need this to work out. For mom” Mirabel reminded her.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry"

Mirabel took her sister's hand while Isabela finished her makeup. The three of them were in Toñito's room, getting ready for the surprise they had prepared, while the boy was in charge of watching the door so that no one surprised them, especially you or Julieta. They knew they should probably be helping out with the party, but there were already enough hands and this was of the utmost importance.

With everything that had happened, they never seemed to find the perfect time to use Karim's song. However, when you announced that you wanted to celebrate Eliza's birthday and that you were ready, Isabela knew that this would be a perfect time. She didn't want to take the attention away from the girl, but she knew that if it wasn't now, maybe she and her sisters wouldn't have the courage to do it later.

And boy did they need courage.

The plan was simple in theory: sing Karim's song, make you and their mother realize that you love each other, be a happy family. But bringing it to reality had been much more difficult. First, they had to find the perfect melody for the lyrics (who knew that Camilo would be the one to do it?), then they had to practice it until they knew it by heart.

Perhaps what made them nervous the most was your reaction. They knew that their mother loved you and it was obvious that you loved her too, but what about them? Sure, you were very kind to them and had given them so much, they even saw Eliza as a sister and knew that she was already a daughter to their mother. But would you love them as daughters too? They really hoped so.

"Alright, I’m done" Isabela said

"I almost wish you had taken longer" Luisa admitted.

"Come on, everything will be alright" Mirabel smiled, even though she could feel her heart beating strongly.

"Yes, and when they get married, I'll be the maid of honor" the oldest commented

"Why you?" Mirabel crossed her arms.

“Because I will decorate everything and make the most beautiful flowers for them”

"So what? I'll make their dresses, which is more important than the flowers, so I should be the maid of honor."

“They can buy dresses anywhere else, Mirabel, but my flowers are unique”

“They are just flowers, Isa, they will dry in two days”

“Not on my watch”

Luisa rolled her eyes, before standing in the middle of her sisters to break up the discussion. She was happy that Isabela and Mirabel were back on good terms, but that meant they talked to each other more and that in turn ended in more arguments. Typical sister stuff, she supposed.

“Enough you two. First, we have to get them together, then we see who will be the maid of honor” she said, amused.

Isabela and Mirabel crossed their arms and stuck out their tongues at each other, frowning. After a few moments of silence, the two broke out laughing and hugged their middle sister. It was good to know that no matter what happened today, they had each other.

"Okay, let's get out of here" Mirabel said "showtime!"

Isabela watched her sisters leave Antonio's room, staying behind for a moment. She sighed and closed her eyes to "talk" to Karim for a moment, as she used to do whenever she needed encouragement.

“It's your song, Karim” she whispered “You made it for her…please, please help us today…And Dad, if you're listening too…I hope you don't think we're replacing you. We never would! But I know you would want Mom and us to move on. So, if you can, help us too. They both deserve to be happy."

______________________________

"Mamá!" Eliza laughed and pointed to the rainbow above her.

You smiled from your place, several meters away, while you watched Pepa and Félix dance with your daughter. Casita was full and Isabela had been very kind to lend her room for the party since it was Eliza's favorite (after Julieta's, although Eli loved any room where her mamá Juli was). People were enjoying themselves and dancing, and you had already had to go to the kitchen for more sandwiches three times.

Alma had been looking at you with pride and affection since the party started and you had even managed to drag Bruno onto the dance floor a couple of times. The only thing you were worried about was the Madrigal grandchildren.

Dolores had excused herself for a moment, saying she needed to rest from the noise, while Camilo quickly took Anotnio away without saying anything. And of Julieta's daughters, there was no trace. Yes, you saw them for a moment at the beginning of the party, and you were a little surprised to see the dresses they were wearing, matching Eliza's (which had been Mirabel's gift), but you hadn't seen them since you saw Isabela whispering something to her sisters and the three of them had slipped away.

It worried you. You and Julieta knew that time was running out. No matter how much you were enjoying your daughter's party, you knew that with every passing minute, that much-needed talk was getting closer.

"Are you okay?" Julieta asked, putting a hand on your shoulder.

"Yes, just... I don't feel good about the way Camilo smiled at me before running away from here" you said

"I know what you mean" she smiled "definitely planning something"

"And I'll be the target" you shuddered falsely "I feel like I'm in danger around here"

"Don't worry, stay with me, I'll protect you"

You laughed softly and gave her a quick hug. Of course, she would protect you, it was what she had been doing for a long, long time, what you two had been doing ever since you met.

"What would I do without you, my knight in shining armor?" you mocked her

"Probably ruin cakes" she laughed.

"Hey! The caterpillars were looking good! And I only ruined three cupcakes” you defended yourself

"It’s okay, at least your plates and paints are beautiful, mi amor- Y/N!" she corrected herself quickly, blushing and looking around to make sure no one had heard her slip.

You laughed and rolled your eyes fondly. In truth, you cared very little what people thought of you, and she knew that as soon as her daughters gave you permission to date their mother, she could say goodbye to her name, you would only call her sweet and cheesy nicknames. It was a warning that the brunette had accepted. But seeing her blushing was always cute.

You were about to tease her a bit when you saw the Madrigal grandchildren coming back out of the corner of your eye. Luisa was carrying the piano, while Camilo was carrying a guitar and Dolores was leading a very excited Antonio by the hand. You looked at Julieta and she shrugged, not knowing what was going on either.

You two split up so you could get closer to the family, who were gathering near the dance floor. Mirabel called everyone to pay attention and Isabela shyly approached you, holding something behind her back.

"I know this party is to celebrate our Eliza's first anniversary" Mirabel said, smiling at the girl in her aunt's arms "But if you'll let us, we have a surprise for you too, Y/N"

You frowned in confusion. A surprise for you? That was what these precious rascals had been planning? Isabela showed you what she had behind her and you gasped as you recognized your brother's charred and battered notebook. Where had she gotten it from?

“I…found this when we cleaned your house” the girl explained “I'm sorry I didn't give it to you then, I was going to, really! But then I read…something, and I knew I had to wait for the right moment. I hope when you hear this you can forgive me."

"Isabela" you heard Julieta scold her a few meters from you, but you were not upset, but intrigued.

"Hear what?" you asked, taking the notebook with trembling hands.

“He had one last message for you, Y/N” the girl smiled at you “would you let us…sing it to you?”

You rolled your eyes fondly. Of course it was a song, your brother had had the soul of an artist just like you, even though his work rarely allowed him a moment of rest to write. You smiled at the expectant girl in front of you and nodded gently.

"Go ahead" you told her.

Isabela returned your smile and nodded, turning to her sisters and cousins. It amused you to see how the six took their positions, with Luisa on the piano, Camilo on the guitar, and Antonio on the tambourine. You guessed that Mirabel, Isabela, and Dolores were going to sing. It was obvious that everyone had put incredible effort into this and it warmed your heart that they all worked together for you.

Camilo started strumming the guitar (that boy was pure talent, from theater to music, okay?) and you shivered a little when Dolores winked at you and smiled knowingly. Wait, what were they going to do? What kind of message had Karim left you? If it was something embarrassing, you were going to bring him back to life just so you could kill him yourself-

"Por amor al arte"

Mirabel began to sing, interrupting your thoughts.

“They stopped writing stories to tell you

The seas of dreams dried up to wake you up”

You couldn't prevent the thousands of memories from running into your mind, not when you knew that, although it was Mirabel's voice, it was your brother's words. And god knows he had tried to make you forget all the false stories people told you when Daniel left. That it was your fault, that it was natural for him to react like that, that you should give him time and you would see how he would come back, that it was your duty to wait for him as long as necessary.

For a while, you had convinced yourself that it was true, that perhaps if you were good enough, you would deserve that man's forgiveness. It took fate to send you Julieta to wake you up. She showed you how it felt to be truly loved, without conditions, she taught you the life you truly wanted, she gave you true promises, not children's stories.

"Por amor al arte

night became day

Erasing the dark shadow of your loneliness”

Unbeknownst to you, you weren't the only one who was invaded by memories. As Dolores sang, Julieta clearly saw all those moments passing in front of her. From the moment Casita was destroyed, when she was plunged into darkness so thick she almost drowned. Until you walked into her life and reminded her that she could still breathe, that she was still alive.

You showed her how to move on, for her daughters and for herself. When she had felt so useless and helpless for losing her powers, you had been there to remind her that she was much more than her gift, that she was a strong and brave woman, regardless of whether she could heal with food or not. You gave her a new purpose.

"Por amor al arte

The moon came down from the sky to comfort you

The clouds gave way to the sun to illuminate you”

Isabela's voice made the memory change in your mind. She transported you to that night when you had seen Julieta carry Eliza for the first time. You didn't realize it at the time, but you knew now: she had not only comforted your daughter that night, but that was the moment when she had planted the seed of your love for her.

Even though the brunette had been shattered at the time, she had managed to make the clouds in your life, the mist that had enveloped you ever since you lost Aharhel, dissipate. Even when that mist threatened to return when your brother died, Julieta had been there to stop it. She was the sun that illuminated your life and gave you warmth to continue living.

"Por amor al arte

Your life was no longer so cold

And you stopped feeling empty because of your loneliness”

Julieta gently touched the thin chain with the ring that hung around her neck, while Mirabel resumed the song. It was still a mystery to her how you had managed to rekindle the fire in her that went out when she lost Agustín. It wasn't something she would have thought possible, but the universe proved her wrong when it permanently left you in her life.

You showed her that she wasn't broken, that it was okay to move on. You got rid of the loneliness that threatened to consume her and reminded her heart to keep beating. You showed her that she could love again.

"Por amor al arte

You cried tears of fear until drying yourself

You put aside every doubt to go for it”

Dolores couldn't help but stare at her aunt as she sang that verse. She knew that her cousins ​​and her brother were thinking the same thing, remembering that afternoon when Isabela had confronted her sisters about you. The heartbreaking way her aunt had cried hadn't left Dolores's memory yet and she didn't think it ever would. There had been so much fear in her second mother's voice, fear of loving you.

That was why she couldn't help but feel proud of her aunt now. The older woman had put aside all her fears and she had launched herself into pursuing her happiness with you, even when things had gotten out of control and you had run away after your first kiss, the woman had not given up. It was something for which Dolores deeply admired her aunt.

"Por amor al arte

you knew how to carry on

Breaking at last the chains of your loneliness”

You smiled and felt that it was a matter of time before the tears came. Maybe it was Isabela who was singing, but you could perfectly hear Karim saying those same words. He always told you how much he admired you and how proud he was of you for raising Eliza on your own.

But you also knew that the phrase applied to the destruction of both houses, even though he had been in a coma the entire time after the fire. You had been able to get up, rise from the ashes, as painful as it was, because Julieta was by your side. And when you'd agreed to stay with them, even in the midst of your pain, it had truly felt like breaking chains you didn't know were binding you.

The three girls glanced at each other and smiled. They didn't care much that the crowd and the rest of the family were clapping and cheering for them, this song wasn't for them, it was for you. And they hoped, as they prepared to sing in three voices, that after these verses, the story would be sealed.

“And she appeared in your life

the girl of your dreams

another wounded princess

And she healed your hell”

Julieta finally looked at you, although you still had your eyes on the girls, and she couldn't help but shudder at the wave of feelings that invaded her, of which the main one was love, pure and sincere love for you. She always knew you were her angel, you had healed her in ways even her magical food couldn't.

You really had rescued her from hell, despite being just as broken as she was. It was a blessing that her broken pieces fit perfectly with yours.

"Because you didn't know

That even if you were born a princess

You didn't want a Romeo

You were waiting for Julieta”

You turned your head towards the brunette, surprised to see that she was already looking at you, with contained tears in her eyes. You smiled a little, trying your hardest not to cry as you approached her. So long wishing you weren't alone, foolishly waiting for Daniel or some other man to rescue you, when all this time fate had been pushing you to her, waiting for you to open your eyes. She was everything you wanted, everything you needed. You wanted a life with her.

Julieta stared at you as you took one of her hands and caressed her knuckles with your thumb. You could feel people's attention drifting away from the girls to the two of you, but you didn't care. You only cared about her.

"I guess we don't need that talk after all" you whispered.

"Guess we don’t" she laughed softly, looking into your eyes.

“No one knew how to explain to you why you loved her

That the man of your life was called María

But listen to me, my friend

If she wants to love you too

No need to keep thinking

Es por amor al arte.”

She smiled at you, taking your face in her hands and caressing your cheeks with her thumbs. Her chocolate eyes were looking at you with a thousand questions but you just nodded slightly, putting your hands on her hips and all doubt was erased from her mind as she pulled you to her for a kiss. You didn't hear the applause of the people, or when the song ended.

All you could hear was your heart, in sync with hers.

__________________________

Por amor al arte: to do something without expecting a reward or receiving anything in return.

__________________________

Julieta tag: @emril-osvigne @smolgayhooman @arination99 @kitthedino @cryptocry @iloveitwhen

[fandomvariousness]

Pairing: Levi x reader

Warnings: mild angst, violence, swearing, smut: slight dacryphilia, choking, slight masochism, slight dumbification, power play, unprotected sex

Summary: you’re an untruly scout in Levi’s squad and he let’s you know exactly how he feels when he pays you a visit during your punishment task

Word count: 3.6k

All hell broke loose if it was one of the worse days.

Your hot-headed disposition was a challenge to deal with in the first place, but if you felt a tad annoyed that day… Let’s just say punishments were as natural to you as breathing air.

It took slightest things to piss off Captain Levi – an irritated glance after he scolded you, a quiet remark you’d use to talk back and he, of course, would hear it. Simply put – you were disobedient. Yet even then you were an indispensable soldier – resourceful, intelligent, and absolutely fearless. Much like a wildfire – once you blaze, it’s hard to put you out.

Even so, Captain Levi eventually chose you to be a part of his new squad. Yes, he never encountered such an erratic human being that’s basically impossible to control, the traits that go against his every bullet point in describing a proper soldier, but he knew he would be an absolute fool if he’d go that massive potential of yours go to waste.

Countless times he wanted to kick you off the squad for being an unbearable brat, yet he didn’t. Often, you yourself wondered why.

✃

The squad has been on a minor expedition outside the walls for training purposes, so all of you were headed to the nearest cottage safe house.

After a tiring day of training, when the sun was setting down, you were all sitting outside, enjoying the last remnants of warmth in the air. Captain was sauntering inside the cottage, probably inspecting each crack and crevice after you all spend the first half of the day cleaning it.

It would be such a nice evening if Eren and Mikasa would argue a bit quieter. In fact, Mikasa was calmly saying something to Eren, while the latter, being basically as hot-headed as you, was arguing against her every word.

It pissed you off when they were like that, because it’s obvious Mikasa would do anything for Eren. Either he is so daft and doesn’t get it, or he doesn’t care. You never admitted to yourself that you’re jealous that Eren has someone who cares for him, while you have no one. Not even your family which was once very big – you had lots of cousins, aunts and uncles. Now, only you remain.

“Oi,” you exclaimed. “could you just tone it down a bit?”

Eren’s fiery gaze snapped towards you in a second. “Stay out of this!”

Now, you knew it’s none of your business, but you hated being talked to like that, much less ordered. You stood up in a swift motion from where you were leaning against a bench and turned your body to face Eren.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’ve no interest in what you’re crying about, Jaeger, but you’re not even listening to Mikasa, that much is obvious.”

Others were starting to pay attention too – they knew that when the two of you started bickering, often it’d turn into something more… interesting.

“You know what else is obvious?” he asked, his voice challenging. “That you act all brave and fearless, but in reality you’re just a restless child acting as if she lost her dummy!”

You felt that familiar tickling feeling of your temper rising, firing you up until you eventually lose yourself and act upon instincts that keep you alive and going.

You chuckled curtly. “Me? You’re calling me a child?”

Tauntingly, you’ve stepped closer to him. Eren knew that it’s not smart to wind you up like that, you’re still friends, good friends – it just so happened that you’re both in a bad mood today.

“At least I can wipe my own ass without Mikasa’s help.” you finished your sentence just before Eren grabbed a fistful of your collar and roughly pulled you flush against him, both of your impulsive auras conflicting with each other.

You growled as you pushed him away in a swift, forceful motion, earning a murderous glare from him.

It took so little to get you angry. Even though you pushed him away, that unruly part of yours stepped close to him again as you dug your forefinger in his chest in a threatening manner.

“Don’t touch me, you, whiny bitch,” you spat out, your voice dripping with venom – you were already blazing, and there was no going back.

Eren slapped your hand away. “Who you’re calling a whiny bitch? I wasn’t the one who cried into the pillow for two weeks after driving Reiner and Bertholdt away!”

Now, you can be reckless, wild, fiery… But Eren can be cruel.

The reason you were so devastated after finding out your two best friends were your mortal enemies was because with them you felt like you’ve had family again – both of them reminded you of your older brothers. You shared your feelings with Eren in confidence, and he just blurted it out in front of everyone.

“Fuck it,” you thought as you launched a punch at his face with a primal scream.

By now the others knew not to interfere in your fights, not even Mikasa. God knows they tried, and it made it even worse.

Eren fell to the ground with a hard thud before you quickly straddled him and lifted up your bent hand to launch another punch at his bloody nose.

The bastard was quick to react nevertheless as he met your fist with his palm and squeezed it, slapping you off of him with his free hand in a swift motion. The second your own body collided with the grass you were already scrambling with your hands and feet to get up.

As you turned to Eren with the intention to ram him to the ground again, he was already on his legs as well. The others were still shouting for you two to break it up, knowing that it’s only a matter of time before Captain Levi shows up.

Not thinking straight, you did exactly what you wanted, you launched yourself at him and picked him like a flower stem, both of you flying to the ground again, followed by a sickening thump.

Your vision was getting blurry from all the rage and adrenaline as you lifted up your fist, charged with savage energy, ready to collide with Eren’s already battered face, yet it never happened. It never happened because someone else was gripping your wrist so hard, almost stopping the blood flow.

You snapped your head back to see murderous look in Captain’s gray eyes.

Still gripping your wrist, he jerked you back like a rag doll, painfully sending you to the ground, away from Eren.

It fell so quiet you could hear the clouds passing.

Levi sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I will kill both of you.”

“Right,” he continued. “when everyone’s going to sleep after this long, tiring day, you brats are going to sweep this house clean again. I don’t care how long it takes you. Eren takes right wing, Y/N takes left.”

He glared daggers at the two of you before going back to the cottage, just like that. It was actually worse when he didn’t say much – means he’s absolutely sick of you.

Still breathing heavily, you stood up, leaning on your knees with your palms for support.

“Shit, guys,” Jean muttered. “Shall we say our goodbyes now, or...?”

“Jean.” Mikasa snapped, shutting him up.

You glared at Eren who glared right back at you, although his eyes were already void of the rage that was previously residing in them.

You looked away without a word and made your way towards the cottage, wanting to wipe all the dirt and soot away.

✃

You stared at your distraught face in the mirror. Distraught by the fight you had with Eren, and by the fact that you got on Captain’s nerves again. How longer can you go on like this before he finally kicks you out?

You wiped your wet face with a towel as you heard someone come into the bathroom. Mikasa’s frame showed up in the mirror.

“Mikasa,” you spoke without hesitation as you turned around. “I’m sorry for what I said.”

Mikasa shook her head sheepishly. “It’s alright.”

“No, it’s not. You’re the most caring person I know and I used that to shame Eren, although there’s no shame in caring for your loved ones.”

Mikasa blushed as she set her eyes to the ground. “Everyone’s going to sleep already – you better hurry.”

“Right,” you sighed, feeling the jitters of anticipation.

You quit the bathroom and made your way to the cleaning cupboard to grab all sorts of supplies. At least the Captain was nowhere to be seen – you couldn’t bear his condemning gaze now. Not when you secretly always yearn for his approval.

You can’t help but stare at him a second longer than you should, or think about him when you shouldn’t. The fact that he hasn’t kicked you off of his squad gives you some material for thinking that maybe he simply doesn’t want to. There’s just something about him that makes you tense everytime you’re around him – not the dread everyone feels, but something else entirely, something that makes your stomach tingle.

You just finished cleaning all the dishes after dinner and was now sweeping the floor that was still clean after your cleaning tasks earlier in the day. That was the point of the punishment, you figured – clean the surroundings that are already clean, only to frustrate you.

You were kind of spacing out, the flashbacks of the fight with Eren coming back, rekindling the violent blaze within you. Everything was suddenly in your head again, pushing you to the edge. You closed your eyes and exhaled through your nose as you stopped momentarily, letting go of the broom and trying to forget how Eren just blurted out about your sorrows, how Captain glared at you, how everyone got to witness you getting unhinged again.

Hot flashes hit your body as you blew the stray ringlet of hair from your forehead, leaning on the dining table with your palms, desperately trying to calm down.

“Who told you to stop?”

Oh no… Really not the time.

You needed a few more seconds to stop the shivers as you opened your eyes and straightened your frame, facing Captain Levi, who was leaning against the counter.

It was precisely those few extra seconds that displeased him.

“Tsk,” he spat out as he straightened his frame. “Not only you’re deranged, but lazy too.”

You faced him with as blank a face as you could possibly muster, yet all your feelings were bubbling up, threatening to spill out with a little more provocation. You never wanted to rip off someone’s head so bad, until now.

You didn’t realize you’d squeezed your eyes shut until they suddenly opened with the sound of hard crash – Levi had purposely smashed a ceramic cup to the ground, shattering it to pieces.

You set your mad eyes on him, disbelief written all over you.

“Clean it.” he ordered. “Or are you going to disobey me again?”

You bit the inside of your cheek so hard you sure it was bleeding, breathing heavily, restraining yourself like never before in order not to pounce on him.

Instead, you repeatedly bit your lower lip as you felt your eyes watering. It’s better to cry yourself stupid before him than to actually hit him – then everything would definitely be over.

He stepped closer to you, your clothes almost brushing together, as he looked down on you with clear disgust, and… satisfaction?

You were so angry. He tried to demean you just now, and you were under immense pressure to actually pick those pieces up. You knew you had to, but you couldn’t bring yourself to.

You gulped. “You’re abusing your power.”

“No,” he closed in on you, making you step backwards until the back of your thighs hit the table. “I’m establishing my power, since you clearly don’t recognize it.”

He leaned his palms on the table just like you did moments ago, trapping you. Your heart was palpitating against your ribcage, yet for reasons entirely different than rage.

All of those glances and pushes and punishments now made sense – that was the only way he could think of to interact with you with no suspicion from others. He’d often chide you for the stupidest things, just so he’d have the chance to have a conversation with you, no matter how fleeting or unimportant.

Deep down you always knew it, and that’s why you’re continued being such a burden. Just so that he’d look at you and punish you again, scream at you, or kick the shit out of you again.

The atmosphere in the room has changed radically. You felt like walking on a string, about to fall off as his face was hovering just above yours, torturing you with anticipation.

“You wanted to beat the shit out of me just now, didn’t you?” he quizzed while slowly tracing your features with his stony gaze. Instead of answering, you gulped.

He grabbed your face harshly, puckering up your lips in the process. “Speak.”

“Yes.” you admitted before his hand slid down to lightly hang at the base of your neck, igniting whole another fire within you.

“Yes what?” he asked, adding pressure to his hand.

“Yes, Captain.”

At this rate, you’re going to burn out.

He chuckled quietly through his nose and stood up straight. “Go on, then. I’m ordering you to slap me.”

It was as if you just turned into a statue – that’s how shocked you were. “W-What?” you asked sheepishly.

“Do I need to repeat myself?”

You stared at him, trying to see him and his intentions through. Obviously, things were finally getting spicy, but your defense mechanism still rang some alarm bells – is he trying to trick you into something? Are you really going to bitch-slap the humanity’s strongest?

You felt your palms starting to tingle as he stared right into your eyes, challenging you to do it.

And you’re gonna do it, alright.

Something just snapped inside you, as it always does before you do something stupid or something you’re going to regret. You charged your palm with strength before sending it flying across his cheek with all your might. You whimpered as your skin came in contact with his, setting your palm on fire from such a harsh stroke.

And then it dawned on you – you really did bitch-slap him. He even stumbled one step backwards, his head ominously turned to the side, crow-black hair shielding his eyes from your vision, what absolutely terrified you.

He straightened his frame as he wiped a droplet of blood from his lip with the tip of his thumb.

You gasped audibly, making him look at you.

That’s it, you thought, he has a perfect reason to kill you now, and you were stupid enough to fall for it. You closed your eyes and awaited whatever’s to come, and it did come.

His lips came crashing on yours, both of you stumbling backwards, moving the table a bit. He immediately yanked you to sit on the wooden surface, positioning himself between your thighs as you held onto him for dear life.

He devoured you with hungry, open-mouthed kisses before you bit his lower lip, drawing blood once more.

One of his hands that were digging into your hips came in contact with your neck, squeezing it hard and pushing you away so he could see your hazy face.

“Savage.” he muttered after a few moments of taking you in, making your mouth stretch out into a lazy smile.

He pushed himself to you further, making your back hit the table as he attached his lips just below your neck, where jaw transitions to neck, coaxing a mewl out of you. He coaxed another when he rutted his hips against yours, making you aware of the growing tent in his pants.

“Fuck,” you breathed out, eyes closed as he sucked and bit little marks all over your neck. Hiding them is going to be a problem.

You took his face in your hands and kissed him deeply, rolling your hips against his in a tantalizing motion, whimpering at how his hardness brushes against where you need him the most, feeling him exhale into your mouth as his mind was equally clouded.

It felt like everything was finally coming to be exactly as it should, like you’d finally be released from your misery, like the intentions behind each of your actions would finally be clear, without any misunderstandings.

You were both impatient. No time for thorough build up, you just wanted to feel him inside you, just as he wanted to fill you up.

He drew back a bit, restrained by your legs snaking his waist as he rested his forehead against yours, panting heavily. “I’d really like to fuck you now.”

The fact that after all the crazy shit you’ve been through today he’d still ask for consent made you give it all to him. “Only if you do it so hard I can’t walk for days.”

You felt his dick twitch. “Easy.”

You yelped as he flipped you around, fumbling with the hem of your pants as he pushed them down to your knees, along with your underwear. You shivered as cool air hit your slick folds, and once again when you heard Levi fumbling with his own belt.

You wiggled your hips against him, impatient, almost crying out – you needed him that bad. His palm came flying against your behind, making you yelp loudly, gripping the edge of the table as you’re all sprawled out on top of it.

You whimpered again as you felt him brush the tip of his dick teasingly against your entrance. “Please, Captain…”

“So impatient,” he muttered silently before ramming into you without any warning.

Your nails dug into the wooden edge as you cried out into the air, holding on for dear life as he slammed you, table legs creaking underneath you rhythmically.

Levi had a perfect view of you as he rutted against you – the way your ass bounced flush against his hip, your arm muscles straining as you gripped the edge of the table harder and harder, the way the strands of your hair flew up and down with each motion, and how helplessly you squealed each time his tip hit your cervix – all of that sent him insane, unable to stop the silent whimpers that came out from his own mouth.

He had to restrain himself from going too fast – that’s how eager he was to finally sprawl you under him, after all this time you drove him out of his mind with your unstable behavior, hatred-driven glances and disobedience.

“Yes, yes, love it,” you wailed incoherently.

“Of course you do,” he huffed just before he grabbed a fistful of your hair and yanked your head backwards, stars spilling out of your head.

The way his dick breached you was literally driving you crazy – it was like a perfect fit, slipping soundly against your walls and hitting all the right spots at exactly the right time. Your cunt clenched around him on its own, making him groan at your artfulness. His fingers dug into the plush of your backside, thrusting into you without any mercy.

The coil in your stomach was getting tighter and tighter, your brain short-circuiting each time you heard Levi groan, the lewd sounds of skin slapping against skin ringing against the walls.

“Oh, God,” you cried out as your bliss was rapidly closing in on you.

“No,” Levi countered as he pressed his back flush against yours, brushing his lips against your ear. “just me.”

His head hung down, burying itself in the crook of your neck as he finally spilt his seed inside of you with a low groan that sent you to your own release. You cried out as he panted heavily against your skin, your body slumping on the table completely.

You had to muster up the remaining grain of your strength when Levi stood up and pulled his pants on so you could to the same with your own. Your breathing was still erratic as you fumbled with the pair of strings in the hem of your pants, trying to tie them. Levi approached you and lightly swatted your trembling hands away, tying them for you.

You were lost in his gray eyes by now, not even knowing what to say at first, but this silence that ensued was kind of comforting, both of you assessing the situation.

He chuckled suddenly. “Why did you beat the shit out of Jaeger in the first place?”

You smiled awkwardly as you shook your head curtly, gluing your eyes to the ground. “Doesn’t matter. Stupid thing, really.”

“Alright.” he said, his voice low, as usual. “You can tell me all about it next time.”

His words made you look at him again, eyebrows slightly lifted, eyes full of sudden anticipation.

Next time?

You were kind of scared at the thought of getting together with Captain again, but you felt excited way more.

“Oh, and like I said,” he paused before leaving the room completely. “clean it.”

You remembered the shattered cup and this time failed to refrain a smirk that creeped upon your lips.

“Yes, Captain.”

He left after that, but you swear you saw a ghost of a smile on those harsh lips.

[tsrookie]

Always In My Heart

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC (Dr. Alyssa Brooks)

A/N: On today’s episode of ‘I have no idea wtf I’m doing’, we have something that I cooked up because I had terrible WiFi and no other app but Google docs would open up.

Trope: Fluff, but a tiny bit of angst?

Rating: General

Word Count: 2.3K

Warning(s): Mentions of character death

Summary: Their son has a very important question to ask.

——————————

The delicious aroma of chicken and rice wafted through the Brooks-Ramsey household. The couple worked side by side in the kitchen as they had all those years ago, the only difference being that it was now a dinner for five and not just two.

Allison Dolores Brooks-Ramsey came into their lives nine years ago, and while it was earlier than they would have wanted, they didn’t regret a second of their lives ever since they first heard her voice.

The twins on the other hand, were planned, but nothing had prepared them for the chaos that Nathan and Natalie would bring. A new broken object every week, a dozen fights for the TV every day, and yet were nothing short of tiny tornadoes when they joined forces.

It couldn’t be more perfect.

“What time did Jackie and Emilia say that they would bring the girls back?”

“6:30, I think.”

“Ah. So we have time till 7:00.” They shared a knowing smile. Two aunts taking their nine and six year old nieces to the mall meant a complete raid of the toy store, and a new guitar.

“You need to stop letting everyone spoil the girls just because you have a soft spot for them, Ethan. Ally’s grown old enough to understand that she has her daddy wrapped around her finger, and we don’t need Nat coming to that realisation as well.”

“I don’t- I can’t believe you would accuse me of not loving all my children equally!”, he exclaimed in mock offense.

“Mhmm. So why did I have to come up with an explanation to tell Nathan why his dad wasn’t on board with ordering dessert when he asked for it, but relented once his sisters kept bugging him for another five minutes?”

He opened his mouth in protest, but decided against saying anything for his own good. “Well what can I say? They’ve inherited their mother’s persuasiveness. And I can’t really say no to you, can I?”

Alyssa’s lips curved upwards at that. The playful look in her husband’s eyes caused her to finally break into a grin. “At least you’re self-aware.” Stuffing the rice into the bird she added, “But I can’t exactly tell our son that his dad is too in-love with his mom that he sees her in his daughters and hence can’t say no to them. He’d gag in disgust.”

He chuckled and wrapped his arms around her, resting his head in the crook of her neck. “That he would. Alright I’ll try a little harder to resist their charms. Wouldn’t want my only son to end up hating me.” He said it without a hint of worry over it becoming true someday. Over the years, he’d learned to put aside his fears of not being a good father, and with the help of some therapy, and Alyssa’s unwavering love and support, he’d locked up his insecurities in a box and let it sink to the bottom of the ocean.

They took the stuffed chicken and put it in the oven, washed their hands and plopped down on the couch for some rare downtime.

“Crap.”

“Everything okay?”

“Fred’s mom got called in, so she’s dropping Nate off on her way to work.”

Ethan sighed. “There goes the hour I planned to spend with my wife, who I barely get to spend enough time with these days.”

“I swear, you were never this busy when you were chief. I have no idea why my workload’s ten times bigger.”

“I do.” Ethan smiled with pride. “One usually does have a lot of work when they’re at the front lines of the battle for making free healthcare accessible for every single person in the country. My brilliant wife, though she could choose to leave most of the work to her very competent team, opts to take it all upon herself. So that’s probably the cause behind all the extra workload she complains about.”

She smirked and perched herself onto his lap. “Well your very brilliant wife also knows that you called my team very competent just to avoid hurting my feelings, and that you and I both know that they’ll be running around like headless chickens without me taking care of things.”

“I know, love. But you can still make them do a little more instead of working yourself to the bone while still making sure that you have at least one meal with the kids every day.”

She sighed. “Yeah, to make sure that they don’t forget what I look like.” She leaned in closer. “Besides, are we really going to spend our last few minutes of peace talking about work?”

Just as she uttered the words, the door burst open, and Nathan kicked off his shoes and jumped onto the couch as Alyssa slid down from Ethan’s lap. She shot him a look that very clearly meant What did I just say?

Ethan gave her an apologetic look and ruffled his son’s hair. “Hey buddy. How was your day at Fred’s? I know you wanted to spend more time with him.”

“I did, and we were just about to open his new LEGO set when Mrs. Watson told us that she had to run up to her office for some emergency meeting.”, he pouted. “But it was a nice day. We watched Thor: Ragnarok and Luca, and we would’ve watched another movie if his dad didn’t tell us that two movies were enough for a day.”

Alyssa shot him a mildly stern look. “Well he was right. You’re too young to have movie marathons just yet. Two are more than enough, unless you want to have a headache.”

“But mom, I’m not too young! I’m a big boy! I can swing along the monkey bars at the park faster than Natalie, and soon I’ll swing across buildings just like Spider-Man!”

“Well Spider-Man got bitten by a yucky spider before he swung across buildings. Do you want to be bitten by a gross and poisonous spider?”

“Mommy, not all spiders are gross and poisonous. Dad told me that when I was four and got scared of them at the zoo.”

She rolled her eyes. Leave it to her husband to convince her kids that insects were anything short of creepy and disgusting. In reality, they were, but as someone who ran a mile away at the sight of a butterfly, she wasn’t going to accept that.

“That’s right, Nate. Some of them are certainly very poisonous and dangerous, but that doesn’t mean that you should be scared of them. If you maintain your distance and admire them from afar, there should be no problem at all.”, he said with a pointed look at Alyssa, who just huffed in annoyance.

Nathan giggled, his brown eyes lighting up with amusement. He loved watching his parents playfully bicker. It was way better than seeing them- ugh, kiss.

“We were pretending to be superheroes and Fred used his full name for his pretend name cause it sounded cool, and it is. Fredrick Anthony Watson sounds like something from that show you and mom watch with the guys in the stuffy suits.”

“When did you see us watching the show with the guys in the stuffy suits?”, asked Ethan with a slight hint of concern. Whatever he and Alyssa watched on their free nights was definitely not kid-friendly.

“I don’t remember. Maybe a few months ago.”

Their year old puppy, Ivy, woke up from her nap and bounced into the living room to jump onto her favourite person. Nathan squealed with joy as the fluffy hair of the dog tickled his nose.

Ethan and Alyssa smiled at each other. Getting another dog after Jenner was a decision that took a lot of convincing, but their kids were responsible enough and it was impossible to say no after two years of constant pestering.

“Fred told me that he was named after his great-grandfather William, and that he was this really cool guy who saved a bunch of guys from getting mugged in a dark, dark alley.” He turned to look at his parents as Ivy snuggled into his lap. “Who was I named after mom?”

The question caught her off guard, and she glanced at Ethan for backup.

When they knew that they were having a boy, they immediately knew what to name him. They hadn't, however, anticipated Nathan Daniel Brooks-Ramsey to ask such a question this soon.

Seeing his wife at a loss for words, Ethan spoke up. “C’mere Nate.” He pulled him closer and pressed a kiss atop his head. “We once had a friend named Daniel. He worked at the hospital as a nurse, and he was close to your mom and Aunt Sienna when they were interns.”

Having found her voice, Alyssa joined in. “He was an amazing friend. He was the only nurse in the hospital who helped me out when things got messy, and cheered up Aunt Sienna when no one else could. He’d join us for picnics and movie nights, and you could always count on him if you needed something at the hospital.” She took a deep breath, and Ethan nodded. “Things were going well, but then in my second year, something really bad happened.”

“Oh no.”

“There was this bad guy, who wanted his revenge on another bad guy, and he was ready to risk his own life, and the lives of everyone around him to do so.”

“That’s horrible! Who would want to do something like that?”

Ethan smiled wistfully. “A lot of people in this world actually do. You’re a good person, so you know that it’s wrong. But some people aren’t, and they don’t care about other people getting hurt because of their actions. That night at the hospital, Danny tried to tell the bad guy that it was wrong, and to think things through. But he didn’t listen, and did something that hurt both himself, Danny, Uncle Raf, another friend of ours, and your mom.”

His little eyebrows creased with worry, Nathan asked, “What happened then?”

“He… he died. Along with our other friend, Bobby. Do you remember what we once told you about an autopsy?” Nathan nodded his head. “Well Danny asked for his body to be autopsied, and thanks to him, we were able to find out what was wrong with mom and Uncle Raf.”

He fell silent for a moment, remembering the horrors of the day, and how eternally grateful he was to Danny for being the reason he didn’t lose everything. He couldn’t imagine a life without the love of his life and his children, and he wouldn’t have either if not for the sacrifices that were made.

He looked up at Alyssa, and she squeezed his hand in support. “We’ll tell you more when you’re older, but to make it short, you’re named after a hero too. If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have you, your sisters, or mom here with me.”

Nathan wriggled out of his dad’s arms, and set Ivy down so he could hug his mom as tightly as he could.

“Well… if you can hear me Mr. Daniel, I just wanna thank you. Thanks for saving my mom. I love her so much and I’m so thankful that I got to meet her because of what you did. I wish I could’ve met you, you sound like a really cool person, and I’m sure you were. So yeah, thanks. A lot.”

Alyssa’s eyes glimmered with unshed tears, and she held her son as she expressed her silent thanks along with Ethan.

What they had was precious.

Fifteen years had passed since they first met, and yet each day they fell in love a little more like they did when they held hands for the first time in the dim light of the NICU watching over little Ethan, or when she finally got to see the real him the first time she visited his place; the first time in years he let someone know a little of the worries residing deep in his heart.

With all the odds against them, it was a miracle that they survived, even more so that they managed to raise three perfect children who had more love to share than they could ever comprehend.

And they’d never forget all the reasons that made it possible for them to survive.

Ding!

The timer on the oven went off, and they got to their feet to get the chicken.

“Was he a good cook dad?”

“I… don’t really know, Nate. Your mom knew him better than I did.”

“Well there was this one time where he helped Aunt Sienna bake an amazing cake, so I guess he knew his way around the kitchen.”, Alyssa recollected fondly. It was for Jackie’s birthday, one of the few nights where the competition was completely forgotten about.

Nathan’s face melted into a glowing smile. “I love cake. So I guess I really would’ve loved him.”

She mirrored his radiant expression. “You definitely would’ve.”

“Why don’t you go play with Ivy while mom and I get the food ready? You can help us with the dessert later.”

“We’re having dessert?!”

Ethan grinned at his son’s excitement. “You bet we are.”

“Yay!” They watched as Nathan ran off to go play fetch with Ivy in their enormous backyard.

Ethan pulled Alyssa in for a sweet, lingering kiss as soon as he was out of sight.

“You’ve been wanting to do that for a while now hmm?”

“Something like that.”, he murmured as they broke apart.

She could see the ever-increasing strands of silver in his brown hair, and the faint wrinkles along the sides of his forehead, but his clear blue eyes were just as loving and devoted as she remembered from over a decade ago.

“We have a pretty good life, don’t we?”

Ethan kissed her again. “No, we have the perfect life.”

——————————

A/N 2: Aaaand I’m going MIA again. Honestly though, to everyone who’s read so far, thank you so much for sticking around. Means the world💙

P.S: I finally chose Chyler Leigh as my face claim!

Taglist: @whimsicallywayward15 @aleynareads @starrystarrytrouble @dxnicaramsey @decadentwinnerjudgedream @ilikemenbutonlyethanramsey @rookiefromedenbrook @eramsey28 @the-pale-goddess @ohchoices @wellhelloramsey @mvalentine @swiftlydarcy @utterlyinevitable @akshara16 @sushiharrington @drethanramslay @lion-ess24 @whippedforethanfreakingramsey @drariellevalentine @perriewinklenerdie @blossomanarchy @stateofgracious @takemyopenheart @open-heart-ramseyyy @maurine07 @udishaman @queencarb @ethanramseylover @rookiemarsswiftie @aworldoffandoms @lsvdw-blog @n03lia @openheartfanfics @choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfan @jamespotterthefirst @senseofduties

Please let me know if you want to be added to or removed from the taglist!

[mymedlife]

Guys, the pandemic has broken me. Every time we seem to be making any progress I feel like we get set back again.

Sorry for the long rant ahead, but I feel like I need to get it out of my head.

Back in the beginning, last March or so, when the state I'm living in shut down, I felt like I could do it. Daycare shut down for almost 3 months to prevent spread.

My husband's job changed his hours to 10a to 8p since everyone was working remotely so they could all be working on the same time zone.

My cofellows were generous enough to switch shifts so I could work all nights and weekends and watch my kiddo during the day. Which kind of sucked, because she doesn't play independently for very long, o was tired, hubby wanted it quiet, and everything was closed so there wasn't anywhere to go to break up the monotony.

Work was filled with frequent changes around what protective equipment we have and what is required to be worn where. I got fitted for 3 different N95s because we kept running out, despite having to check them out and have them sterilized between uses.

I had frequent discussions about how COVID is real with families who refused testing. Parents lied about their symptoms to be allowed into the hospital with their kids, including one who collapsed mid visit due to respiratory failure. Several people ended up having to quarantine because they weren't wearing their N95s during the resuscitation as it was unexpected (at the time we were only wearing N95s during aerosolizing procedures including bagging). This lead to a new rule on not stopping in to help until you have the proper equipment on (which makes sense, but but is so hard).

Early on I spent some time volunteering for the COVID hotline for my state. Most of the questions I got were people upset that things were closing. There were very few health calls.

My aunt died. My sister, a psychologist, argued with her boss she should get a raise for being a frontline worker. My other sister, who is immunocompromised, was mad that all her friends continued to party guilt free and we kept telling her to stay home. My husband began to enjoy his new schedule to the point that he would stay up until 3am playing games after work (the kid was asleep and I was working) and sleep until he had to work at 10 am. My friends talked about their new lock down hobbies, including my co fellow who spent her time creating a new lecture series for the residents. I felt like I was trending water, I started getting behind on fellowship things and I was so tired. My kiddo was happy that I was spending more time with her, and it all was temporary, right?

Eventually things started opening up again. Daycare returned. Two days later my husband was fired. Thankfully he found a job within a few months, but during that time was quick to anger and his staying up all night playing games and sleeping most of the day got worse. He dismissed anything I had to say about it and frequently promised to sleep earlier, later saying he had to stay up because the kid had a nightmare that I slept through.

During this time, many of my pediatrician friends were called to see adults due to high patient volumes and doctor shortages. Luckily I only had to see kids, but there was still a lot of mystery surrounding symptoms and the discovery of the multi system inflammatory syndrome.

My kiddo got sent home a few times from daycare for vague symptoms that necessitated a COVID test, and at one point she was at home with me for 2 weeks due to a COVID positive exposure in class. My husband's job was new so he couldn't take off time to help. At some point things shifted so I was now doing all the daycare pickup and drop-off as well as all the bedtimes (unless I was physically at work).

Following Breonna Taylor and George Floyd there were large scale protests around the downtown area, where my hospital is located. I wholeheartedly support the movement, but someone told my kid it was dangerous to go downtown, and she became fearful of me going to work. This combined with the break in at our home lead to sleep refusal. Something I had to help he with, leading to bedtime taking hours, because my husband would yell at her. Most nights I was too tired after getting her to bed to do much, which lead to more work piling up.

Job hunting was not as fun as I had hoped it would had been. I had one in person interview, everything else was virtual. Thinking about working at a place I've never seen was terrifying.

Many places simply ghosted me. Lots weren't hiring. A few went on a hiring freeze after my interview.

Every interview asked what hobby I developed during lockdown. I admittedly could have answered this question better, and explained that I survived the lockdown with a toddler and that was an accomplishment.

My home institution decided to go with my co fellow over me. When I asked my mentor why she said they felt she had more to contribute to medical education than I do. I'm convinced that in part this has to do with all the lectures she wrote during lockdown.

I was able to get a job, but it's at a smaller community ED where we have a few beds in an adult ED. I mentioned to my associated program director I was a little disappointed, and suddenly everyone is telling me to be thankful for what I have.

I can be thankful and disappointed at the same time.

I think the biggest thing is a fear that if I hate this job I wont ever be able to find another one.

I also kind of resent my kid and husband, if I had more support or time to focus on fellowship things may have been different.

But life goes on. The vaccine was created, things opened up, and now those who aren't vaccinated can stop masking.

The my body my choice people who previously refused to mask are pleased, and now there are barely any masks when I go out (despite a not great vaccination rate in my area).

My kid is 3 and cant get the vaccine, so we still wear them. She loves to whine about how the others don't wear their masks. "It's not fair."

No, it really isn't.

Masks are still required in the hospital, which parents complain about daily. Recently every time I recommend a COVID test it has been refused. The pandemic is over. Kids can't get COVID. And other nonsense.

Kids as young as 12 can get vaccinated. However there is real concern about post vaccine myocarditis. Now everyone who comes in with chest pain wants to complain, even if they are unvaccinated.

Things have been stressful, and my kid is picking up on that. She still has trouble sleeping and has started having tantrums. We recently had a meeting with daycare and they want us to have seen by psych to get her evaluated.

I've found that I've lost interest in most of my hobbies, not that I have a lot of time for them. Fellowship finished and I have the next two weeks off before starting my new job. I was planning on spending it sleeping, cleaning the house, getting out the baby stuff as we are expecting a new little one in a couple of months, and rediscovering my hobbies.

Today I had an awful migraine. I cant take the meds I usually take because of the pregnancy, and my OB wont prescribe anything because he is worried about masking signs of preeclampsia. My husband refused to get up to watch the kid because he was tired, so I pushed through until he was ready to get up.

I lay down to try to get a nap and I get a call that there has been a case of COVID at daycare, and they will be closing for 2 weeks. They will open up the day I start my new job.

And this my friends is what has broken me.

I was so looking forward to finally have time for self care, and now I get to play stay at home mom again with my kid who is in isolation.

After that call I got up and left the house. I'm sitting in my car at the park writing this, and while I know I will go back home eventually, I'm tempted to drive off and let my husband deal with this for a change.

[terrm9]

Father’s Day

Ethan makes sure to celebrate the Father’s Day with his daughter. (Ethan X Chiara X Matilda)

Words count: 4 000

Warnings: two swear words, fluff

Author’s note: I don’t know what happened here guys. I am so sorry, this fic lacks plot and point, depth, quality, this truly is one fluffy piece of shit. I had a good feeling about it when the idea appeared in my brain and then I started to write and nothing seemed right. And I just kept telling myself ‘just keep writing and it will start making sense. It will get better’... and suddenly the fic is finished and it still doesn’t make sense. I was so close to not posting it, but then I thought that sometimes mindless fluff can make my mood better and so maybe it can do some good to you too. Love you all and I promise I won’t be angry or hurt if you hate this:D

Also Ethan is ~47 in this fic, if you thought I wouldn't mention his graying hair, I am sorry but I did

Also also, I didn't find the strength needed for a proof reading this and so I didn't proof read it. If you see a mistake, please pretend you don't see it

The sun was long set at the time Ethan stepped into the apartment and even though he rationally knew that it was late, he couldn’t quite give up on his hope that maybe Matilda was still up. On the days like this, when more patients came in than out of the hospital and there was so much of a paperwork that he has to bring it home with him, there is nothing Ethan loved more than to put his daughter to sleep and then spend a nice quiet evening with Chiara.

But of course, Matilda was fast asleep – judging by the silence filling the whole apartment – and so Ethan was looking forward to skipping to the part of sharing an evening with his wife.

Chiara didn’t notice him as he stepped into the living room, her nose slightly crinkled as she was filling some papers spread on the dining table, white earpods in her ears.

Looks like I am not the only one to bring work home with me today.

Ethan stopped in his tracks for a moment, just inhaling the familiar scent of Chiara and home and absorbing the picture in front of him. Even after alsmot ten years since he met her for the first time, even though she was his wife now, someone he woke up next to every morning, Chiara still – always – managed to knock the air out of his lungs. How her smile only gained more brightness through the years and how she looked almost like a girl with her hair braided on one side.

Had he been an artist, he would call her his muse.

But he was just a man, a doctor with any artistic words stuck in his throat and so he just kept staring at Chiara and thought, inspiration, that’s what she was, because even the most rational of men could get inspired.

„I can feel you standing there,“ Chiara exclaimed suddenly, putting the earpods off and turning to him with that bright smile.

„My apologies,“ he smiled faintly and crossed the distance between them to give her, what Chiara called ‚a proper greeting‘. He kissed her softly and it only took the feeling of Chiara’s warm body under his hands to ease the tension in him almost completely.

„Matilda missed you tonight,“ Chiara murmured into his chest, not willing to break their embrance.

„As I missed her,“ Ethan sighed. „Did you have an eventful afternoon?“

Chiara chuckled at that, parting from him at last to switch her phone off and leave the work on the dining table.

„Just the usual. The teacher asked them to draw themselves in the future and she couldn’t decide which version of that future she should draw because she wants to be everything.“

Ethan could imagine the conversation very well. Matilda, at the age of five, knew exactly what she didn't want to become when she grows up - a doctor. She kept shifting between wishing to be a travel blogger like her aunt Kyra or a photographer like aunt Alicia. After a weekend spent in Providence, she proclaimed that she could also imagine being a cable repairwoman like grandpa, because grandpa has the coolest coworkers that came over and let her eat chocolate cookies and watch football with them. And if by any unfortunate coincidence she should become a doctor after all, she would definitely be a surgeon like uncle Bryce, because he actually cuts people and that's much more interesting than her parents' job. All they do is talk about the patients.

„I promised her you would take her to school tomorrow. You have rounds in the morning but I can taker over,“ which would only be a service for you, she thought to herself. „That would certainly make her feel better.“

„Was she that sad that I didn’t come home earlier?“

"Oh, she was more sad about the Father's Day program at her school – you know, the one where kids and their dads go together - but I explained her why you had to miss it."

Ethan furrowed his brows, confused for a while.

"Why do I have to miss it?" he asked as he picked Matilda's stuffed llama from the floor.

"It's the Wednesday when you are at the conference in Seattle."

Ethan put the toy on the couch next to Til's favourite blanket and sat down before responding, his voice carrying no sign of hesitation.

"If there's a Father's Day program at her school and she wants me to be there, I'll be there."

Ethan knew all too well why he was so persistent on being there.

He wished he didn’t know, but he did.

Because he knew what it felt like to spend so many of his Mother’s Days programms with his teeth gritted, wishing it could all just end.

He could still remember the first Mother’s Day without Luise, how his teacher walked into the class and told them that they would create nice postcards for their moms and how Ethan’s classmate pointed his finger at him and said: „And what is Ramsey going to do? It’s not fair that he doesn’t need to do anything for the whole hour.“

It was the first time Ethan punched someone.

There was no way, no way, that he would allow his daughter to feel any of those feelings.

His thoughts were interrupted by Chiara, now sitting right next to him, a soft concern visible on her features.

„Alan and Naveen would go with her, you know. She wouldn’t be alone.“

„I am her father.“

„And you are also an author of the study this whole conference is going to be about.“

Ethan knew Chiara was right, just as he knew that she was doing this not because she didn’t want him to attend the programm, rather because she respected and supported his career.

But her arguments were of no use. Ethan’s mind was made up and he only wondered if this is what it felt like, all those years ago, when he pushed Chiara away in order to support her career. The idea of putting career first was making him uncomfortable and all he could do was to think, how did Chiara see it all those years ago?

Or rather, how did he not see it back then?

He had no answers, only his gratitude that she stayed and showed him the world through her eyes.

„Aurora is just as much of an author as me. She can handle the conference without me just fine. You can go with her.“

„Me?“ Chiara asked incredulously.

„Sure. They don’t really care which Dr. Ramsey will come.“

Ethan aged well. More wrinkles circled the corners of his eyes and the grey hair on his temples were not an optical illusion anymore (and Chiara has never found him more handsome than now) and his gaze changed too, the cold blue of his eyes almost forgotten, as his eyes were warm and soft almost all the time he was with his family.

Ethan aged and changed and yet there was a thing that didn’t change in the slightest in these last years. His insufferable stubborness.

And so Chiara knew that he won’t change his mind and that there was no point in trying to and while it warmed her heart to see how in love with Matilda Ethan was, the study was important to him.

Obviously not important enough, however, and Chiara decided not to push him any further. Instead, she asked curiously.

„And what are you going to perform? What if Matilda wants to do something crazy?" Chiara raised an eyebrow.

"Of course she won't want anything crazy. What if it were my father and Naveen taking her?"

Chiara laughed wholeheartedly at his question, because for someone so brilliant, sometimes Ethan was desperately clueless when it came to people around him - and what they were willing to do for their daughter.

"Please, this is Naveen and Alan you are talking about. Matilda could say she wants to sing Hakuna Matata and they would come dressed as Timon and Pumba."

"Ah," Ethan exhaled, obviously only now realizing that Chiara was, indeed, right. And singing - or dancing, for God's sake - was not part of his plan. "Well, she can play some basic compound on the piano, she has learned some already. And I could accompany her on the cello."

Chiara choked on the water she was just drinking, turning to look at Ethan so swiftly, his brows furrowed in a concern for her neck.

"On a what now?"

“A cello. I thought you knew that I used to play the cello as a kid.”

“Of course, but the as a kid part is important. I mean, I played a piano as a kid and now I couldn’t play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star if my life depended on it.”

Ethan laughed, wrapping his arm around Chiara in a half-hug and had to bite his tongue not to tell her that maybe Matilda could teach her, as she already could play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star exceptionally well.

“I might have stopped playing actively when I was ten, but I found a certain sense of serenity in music – and playing – for a long time after that. I-,” Ethan stopped himself, mulling over his next words. It was not like he didn’t want to tell Chiara anything, but talking about his years at med school was not something he did often. “I befriended a music shop’s owner back in Baltimore. He was a nice guy, barely older than me and so very different. He had musical instruments for sale there and as we became closer, he let me borrow the cello and play a little in the back of the shop. It became a thing that helped me clear my head when school became too stressful and it also helped me not to forget how to play. I think Matilda’s level on the piano is very close to what I can remember with the cello.”

Now all he had to do was to find someone who would borrow him the cello.

*** *** ***

Ethan always found it amusing, how his mornings with Matilda differed compared to Matilda’s mornings with Chiara.

He made sure to wake her up earlier than usual, so that they could cook breakfast together and have some time to spare.

Chiara – the person that hated mornings more than eggplants – did all she could to stay in bed for as long as possible. She would rather prepare Matilda’s breakfast in the evening and run to the school than wake up before 6 AM.

And it seemed like Matilda realized this difference quite soon, for all the times Ethan came to wake her up, she knew she could ask him to join her in bed for a few minutes.

"Hey, little Rookie," Ethan whispered, softly stroking Matilda's curls out of her forehead so that he could press a gentle kiss on it. "Time to wake up. We don't want to be late for school."

The little Rookie nickname was first used when Til was perhaps one year old and it made her giggle so hard Ethan kept using it. Chiara found it extremely funny, always pointing out that Matilda was nothing if not Ethan’s exact copy – and she was right. With her big blue eyes and long curly dark hair, there was no doubt that she was Ethan’s daughter. Not that the similarities ended in her physical appearence – she was phenomenally subborn for a five year old (to which Ethan always argued that she could as well inherit that from Chiara) and sarcasm was her second language. She also might have used ‚fuck‘ once or twice and Ethan knew it’s not Chiara she heard that from.

You should call her little Terminator, Chiara always teased and partly, she was right.

But there were many traits and marks of Chiara in their daughter, marks not so visible but unmistakely hers. How Matilda’s smile was always bright and warm and sincere, something only Chiara could pass on. How she came home one day from school and asked Ethan if he could make cupcakes with her, because her classmate loves cupcakes but his parents are too busy to make them for him and so she would love to bring him some to school. How she appreciated the most common of things, like sun shining because it makes her skin warm and also rain falling because she can jump in the puddles. Her genuine curiosity and open heart and just her general need to make people around her feel good.

That was all Chiara’s mark and Ethan loved his two girls so much it sometimes still surprised him. That he was capable of such love.

It also made him want more sometimes. More people to love that much.

„Snuggle time, please?“ Matilda smiled, her eyes still closed and Ethan was prepared, he knew this request would come and so he didn’t even need to check the watch to know that he could lay down next to her, the tiny bed making his position rather awkward.

He snuggled Matilda from behind and between her slow stirs as she began to wake up and his soft kisses put on the back of her head, he whispered how excited he was to attend the Father’s Day program with her.

*** *** ***

Ethan didn’t even need to try hard to persuade Matilda that a piano-cello duet would be better to perform than a dance. She liked the idea from the beginning and after going through her music sheets with Chiara, she happily exclaimed that they could try to learn Hedwig’s Theme together. Her eyes were bright and full of excitement and Ethan knew the decision was already made, because he couldn’t resist that face.

And so they performed and for a girl who was five and her father, who was almost fifty, they did a great job. Seeing Matilda’s pure, unadultered joy and excitement and so much gratitude that her dad could be there with here, was something Ethan would consider one of the best moments of his life forever.

Tillie was almost jumping up and down with the happiness as they watched her classmates and their fathers or grandfathers or mothers in some cases or maybe even uncles perform their numbers. She was clapping hard after every single one and she kept waving at everyone, her smile so wide Ethan thought for a while that she resembled Bryce more than anyone. The thought made him chuckle, because Matilda would love to hear that, as Bryce was her hero and possibly the best person she could spend her sleepovers at.

Ethan could hardly say that he enjoyed being surrounded by so many people, but he sincerely did enjoy spending the day with his kid. He didn’t regret choosing making a fool out of himself in front of bunch of kids instead of the conference. He almost forgot about the conference altogether until Aurora’s call interrupted the bustle full of laughter around them.

She only called him to let him know that all went well and she was off to have a lunch with other diagnosticians that helped with the study.

"Yes, alright. I'll see you on Monday. Good job, Aurora," Ethan put the phone back into his pocket and turned to Matilda.

"I am sorry you missed the conference because of me, dad."

Ethan knelt down so that he could face his daughter, the very same blue eyes he knew from mirrors, looking back at him, wide and curious.

He smiled softly, kissing Matilda's forehead before responding.

"I am not. No conference is that important, and just between the two of us," Ethan lowered his voice and put his best serious face on, causing the mischievous sparks ignite in Tillie's eyes "Conferences are so boring. You saved me from a torture."

She giggled and threw her arms around Ethan's neck, squeezing him as hard as a five years old could.

"Now let's go, I think there's an ice cream that needs to be eaten."

"But daddy you said ice creams are sugar bomb!"

Ethan chuckled at her shocked expression - not sure is it was a genuine one or an act - and took her little hand into his.

"I'll pretend I don't see you eating it."

Matilda squealed and before her ‚no sugar in this house‘ dad could change his mind, she stormed off in the direction of the ice cream truck.

Before she could reach her destination, however, she stopped in her tracks and tugged on Ethan’s sleeve, pointing at the little girl sitting under one of the trees – alone.

„That’s Dorothy! She is my best friend.“

Yes, Ethan remembered Matilda mentioning Dorsey, her best friend, quite often, but he never got a chance to meet her before. The girl was tiny, much smaller than Matilda – which inherited Ethan’s significant height, too – her hair almost white and her eyes similar to Matilda’s, big and blue but not even close to being as bright.

„She doesn’t have a dad,“ Matilda added, her voice much less excited now. „She didn’t want to come here but her mom has to be at work.“

Ethan’s heart tightened at her words, the description of Dorothy’s situation reminding him of his own when he was a kid way too much.

„Why don’t you go and ask her to join us for an ice cream?“ Ethan smiled at Matilda faintly.

Before he could as much as blink, Matilda was gone and in the very next moment, both girls were back, smiling up at him, his own kid widely and Dorothy very shyly.

„Hello, Dorothy,“ Ethan knelt down and smiled at her encouragingly. „I am Ethan. It is my pleasure to meet you, Matilda talks about you a lot.“

„Hello,“ Dorothy muttered, not meeting his eyes and Ethan noticed she was holding Matilda’s hand.

Without any other word, he stood up and led both girls to find an ice cream truck, only half-listening to what they were talking about – enough to recognize that Dorothy was much more open when talking to Matilda, but not enough to register particular words.

Maybe that’s why Matilda’s next question took him off the guard.

„Right, daddy? I was just telling Dorsey that you could be her dad, right? And I would be her sister!“

Ethan’s eyes widened and before he could find the right words – gentle but also firm enough to explain that that’s not exactly how these things work, Matilda spoke again.

„She could come over anytime and we could have sleepovers like the ones I have with uncle Bryce or grandpa and we would play together and I could borrow her my toys, right?“

Ethan nodded and smiled, of course Dorothy is always welcome to stay at our place, and let the topic go, because there was nothing wrong about his daughter having best friend that would come over.

Thirty minutes later, all three of them sat at the grass and ate their ice creams and it was easy to forget the previous converstaions.

*** *** ***

Until he came into his office, a week after the Father’s Day and found Chiara waiting for him, her arms crossed at her chest and her expression unusually stoic.

Before he could ask what was wrong, Chiara spoke.

„Matilda’s teacher just called.“

„What?“ Ethan stepped closer, automatically reaching into his pocket to make sure his phone, wallet and car keys are there and he is ready to leave and pick up Matilda at any moment. „Is something wrong? Is she in trouble? Sick?“

„She is absolutely alright,“ Chiara shook her head sligthly, her face unreadable – something that scared Ethan more than her visible anger. „She just called me to let me know about the rumors going around Matilda’s class these past few days. She thought it would be better if I found out from her rather than from other parents.“

„Rumors?“ Ethan asked, utterly lost and confused.

It took all the willpower Chiara had not to let her facade slip and keep her expression neutral. But teasing Ethan was one of her main hobbies, even after ten years, and so she tried her best.

„Apparently, Matilda and Dorothy Wilkins told everyone that they are in fact sisters. They have different mommies but the same dad – no other than the famous Dr. Ramsey,“ now, it was really hard not to laugh. Ethan’s whole face paled and the confusion was quickly replaced by recognition. „The other kids shared the news with their parents and now those parents talk.“

Ethan didn’t know that Matilda told Chiara about her idea of Ethan becoming Dorothy’s dad the very same evening she shared it with Ethan himself and even though Chiara tried to explain why that idea is not going to work the way the wished it would, Matilda was stubborn. Meaning, Matilda adopted Dorothy as her sister anyway and didn’t mind sharing her dad with her.

„Fuck,“ Ethan whispered, pacing around the office, not really looking up at Chiara.

If he did, he would catch her grinning.

She cleared her throat quickly and added: „Some of the parents came to tell the poor teacher that they appreciate how civil the mothers of Matilda and Dorothy are about the whole thing and that it must’ve taken much strength of our spirits to put out kids into same school.“

She couldn’t anymore. The first chuckle escaped her and when Ethan’s eyes met hers, the mischievous sparks were dancing on full display in her irises, her smile wide and so amused.

Ethan exhaled a sigh full of relief and rolled his eyes and when he looked at Chiara again, she was laughing softly, badly trying to cover her laugh with the hand over her mouth.

The bizarreness of the whole situation and his wife’s reaction made Ethan laugh too and he slumped down on the couch, pulling Chiara with him.

„We should give some kind of explanation, right?“ he whispered when they both calmed down.

„Oh, I don’t know. I am the civil one,“ Chiara smirked smugly. „And with a strong spirit!“

Ethan laughed again at that, thinking about how any kind of rumors about him and Chiara startled him in the beginning of their relationship and how over the years, Chiara managed to teach him to just let people talk.

„She really wants that sibling, huh?“ Chiara broke the silence, poking his side softly.

„Yes, she does,“ Ethan nodded.

„And you would...want that too, right?“ Chiara asked again, this time much more seriousness in her voice.

Both Chiara and Ethan were decided to adopt a child back in the days they believed they would never have their own. After Matilda was born, they didn’t really talk about it anymore – they felt too blessed, too lucky that they’ve gotten her and they were happy.

But the thoughts of adoption never truly left their heads and Chiara knew that especially Ethan considered the option often. She could see him talking to Matilda when she asked for a sister or a brother for her birthday, she saw the dreamy smile as they spoke about little kids.

And it was not like she was against the idea of adopting a child – quite the opposite. She grew up with two siblings and her brother and sister were one of the best parts of her childhood. She wished she could give Matilda the same feeling, the same love she recieved at her age. She just felt like she would be asking for too much, like it would be selfish to want another little human that would make them happy, when they already had one.

Those thoughts were not rational, but they were there and they slowed her decisions down.

„Yes, I would,“ Ethan nodded after a long while, looking straight into Chiara’s eyes.

He would never push her. But he wouldn’t lie either.

Chiara nodded and leaned in to press a soft kiss on Ethan’s mouth, pouring her emotions into it, her excitement with the idea just as strong as her anxiety.

Deep down, she knew that the decision has just been made. That no matter how openly they talked about it or expressed themselves, all three Ramseys wished to share their love and happiness with another soul.

[kolsmikaelson]

soulmates~nico hischier

a/n- not proofread, a little rushed, gif below is not mine credit to owner.

word count- 1063

warnings- none that i can think of

add yourself to my taglist

ever since you were a kid you were so excited to meet your soulmate. well, ever since you were old enough to understand the concept of soulmates. it was different for everyone. some people were unable to see colors, some couldn’t hear, others got the first words said by their soulmate written neatly on their skin.

oh god, i am so sorry.

those were the words engraved in your skin since the age of fifteen. you had no clue why your soulmate would be apologizing to you upon first meeting you. though you didn’t think too much of it for years. you assumed it would be something dumb like accidentally running into you, or spilling a drink on you. either way, you were nervous to meet your soulmate. you knew that you had no reason to be nervous but the thought of him not liking you was such a nerve racking thing.

————

ow,what the fuck.

nico on the other hand had those words neatly written on his wrist. he spent countless nights wondering what he would do that could result in you, his soulmate, to say those words to him. it hadn’t even happened yet, and nico was already beating himself up over it. he knew that he would love you, even if he knew absolutely nothing about you. he could not imagine hurting you on purpose.

every night, nico would promise himself that no matter what he does when meeting you, he would make it up to you. he would do anything to make you forgive him for hurting you. but what he didn’t know, was he was gonna meet you sooner than he thought.

————

nico never expected to meet you at a game. he met you his first game back after his surgery. while he was skating before the game started, he saw a little girl holding up a sign asking for a puck. as soon as he saw it, he went and grabbed an extra puck and signed it. he skated back towards her and flipped it over the glass to her. except, the puck hit you, the little girls older cousin. your aunt was originally gonna take her but something came up and you stepped in, knowing how excited she was for this game.

feeling a puck hit your shoulder before landing in your lap, you immediately look up at nico and exclaim, ‘ow what the fuck?’ nicos eyes widen, having those words memorized, he could recite them backwards over and over. ‘oh god, i am so sorry,’ nicos face drops not expecting to have met you today. ‘wait.. are you?’ before you can finish your sentence, ‘your soulmate? yeah i think so.’ nico rushes out. his coach calls him back to the bench, but before he skates back, ‘ will you wait here after the game? just stay sitting here and i’ll come to you ok?’ he asks. you nod and watch as he skates off.

————

three hours later , with a win for the devils, you and your little cousin, ana, were still sitting in your seats hoping that nico would appear soon. to say you were nervous was an understatement. you expected this night to go by quickly and without any interruptions of any kind. the moment you knew nico was your soulmate, you knew your plans for the night were gonna change.

half an hour after the game ends you hear footsteps coming your way. thinking it was nico you immediately look that way, but it wasn’t nico, it was a security guard. ‘nico wants me to bring you to him.’ the man mumbles. you nod and pick up ana who had fallen asleep sitting in your lap. holding ana close to you, you follow the man to where the dressing rooms are. ‘all the other players are gone, you can head in’ the guard says before walking off.

you debate knocking, in case nico wasn’t ready yet. you decided against it considering the guard told you to go in. you open the door and walk into the room looking for nico. you find him pacing in front of his cubby. when he hears your footsteps, he looks up at you nervously.

‘hey…’ he trails off, realizing he doesn’t know your name yet. you quickly realize this too, ‘y/n, my name is y/n!’ you exclaim. he grins, ‘beautiful name, y/n’ you feel your face getting hot in embarrassment, ‘thank you nico’ you murmur. before either of you could get another word in, ana woke up, hearing your voices. she turns herself in your arms as best she could and squeals in excitement when she sees nico. this brings a smile to his face.

‘she yours?’ he asks curiously. you quickly shake your head with a laugh, ‘ she’s my cousin, my aunt was gonna bring her but something came up.’ he nods, ‘ well it’s a good thing, otherwise we probably wouldn’t have met this soon.’ you both smile already enjoying each other’s presence.

————

two hours later you’re back home in bed texting with nico. you were happy that you stepped in to bring ana to that game. it is easy for you to tell that you’re already falling for nico. wether it be from him being your soulmate or just how much of a kind and genuine person he is. that night, you fall asleep thinking of the journey you’re gonna start with nico soon.

~~~~~~

nico however, is lying in his bed thinking about how lucky he is to have not seriously injured you. all those sleepless nights of worry, for nothing. he was so happy it was tonight that he met you. he may have only met you a few hours earlier, but he was determined to be the best he could be for you.

~~~~~~

that night began your journey with the love of your life, nico hischier. from that night on, you went on many dates and went to a crazy amount of games in support of him. four years later, you couldn’t be happier to be standing at the alter about to get married to him. you may have taken a puck to the shoulder when you first met him, but after all these years, it was definitely worth it. meeting your captain, was the best night of your life. and he thought the same about you.

taglist~ @jamiedrysdales @joshsandersons @2manytabsopen @boqvistsbabe @iwantahockeyhimbo @nhlandotherimagines @stlbluesbrat @stars-canucks

[raysofcrosby]

ummm i would love a sneak peak if the au!

hehehe wltay au chapter sneak peek #1 / tw: mentions of abortion

He couldn’t believe he’d forgotten her appointment. Just a little over a week ago he’d been sitting across from her as she told him her feared news and then he promised to go with her to her appointment at Planned Parenthood with her before she fell asleep crying in his arms. He was terrified, so he could only imagine how scared she must’ve been– especially when he hadn’t shown up.

God, he hated himself for forgetting. For letting the presence of the Blues players and Coach himself distract him from being able to support her at a time when she no doubtedly needed him most. But he couldn’t help it– the opportunity to workout with current NHL players was there for the taking. And sure he’d done it before since his Dad is who he is, but this was different, so much different. Because he was only a year out from the draft himself. He could practically see himself skating on the ice for his first NHL game.

Which is why he felt so guilty for letting Caroline go alone, even though she said she hadn’t. She might’ve brought Heather into the building and room with her, but Matt was the one she wanted there– she needed there. And he knew it.

After their phone call, Matt kept thinking about it– how he had broken his promise to her about showing up. He’d always been able to keep his promises to her, even all the way in Ann Arbor. He’d promised to go to Junior prom with her, and while Caroline laughed it off, thinking that he was joking...he was buying a plane ticket home.

He tried to keep his focus on working out on the ice with everyone, but the other half of his focus was on Caroline. And how, even though she said it was okay that he forgot and wasn’t there...he knew it wasn’t. So, while taking passes from NHL players, he was thinking about how he could make it up to her. She said she was tired, that she didn’t want to stay up and watch the new episode of 20/20, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t have his Dad stop somewhere on the way home so he could grab her a milkshake or some of her favorite ice cream as an ‘I’m sorry, please don’t hate me, I love you’ apology gift.

And he did, he bought her a little chocolate mousse cake he knew that she liked. When he went home, he quickly showered and opted out of dinner, telling his parents he was going over to Caroline’s house. Only when he went over and knocked on the door...it was her Mom that answered. And when he asked if he could see Caroline, she had told him that she wasn’t home, but he could check down the block at Aunt Clara’s rental since she was doing some cleaning and yard work before the new renters were set to move in.

That was weird...when he asked if he could come over to watch 20/20, she said not today and pretty much insinuated that she was too tired and was probably just going to go to bed. Yet...had she gone over to help Aunt Clara with her yard work and house cleaning? Nonetheless, he made his way down the block and knocked on the front door to Aunt Clara’s home. She looked surprised to see him when she answered the door, almost nervous. Which made him nervous.

“Mrs. Susan said Care wasn’t home and to come check over here since you’re in town...can I see her please?” He asked, holding the thawing chocolate mousse container in his hands.

He could see the hesitance in her eyes when she opened her mouth to speak, and for a split second he contemplated cutting her off and asking what was going on and why Caroline was avoiding him. But he didn’t, because Aunt Clara stepped aside, letting him into the house.

“She’s in the master bedroom.” She nodded, closing the door once he walked into the fully furnished house. She led him down the hallway, stopping just before the first guest bedroom and looking at him, a solemn expression on her face. “You two need to talk and I need you to listen to her, okay?”

“Okay...why?” Matt asked, unsure what to make of her ominous warning. Had she known about where Caroline went today? If there was anyone Caroline had told besides him and Heather...it would be Aunt Clara.

Aunt Clara was like her older sister.

“Just...listen to her. Don’t jump to conclusions, don’t get into that on-ice mindset...just listen.” She said, nodding him down the hall.

He walked towards the master bedroom, looking back at Aunt Clara again as she walked out into the living room, before knocking on the bedroom door.

“I’m fine, Aunt Clara.” Caroline spoke, sounding anything but fine.

Matt opened the door slowly, peeking his head in to see Caroline lying down in the bed beneath the sheet and comforter, her back facing him. Aunt Clara, whenever she was in town and cleaning up the house, always stayed here herself since it was cheaper and right down the block from her family. So it wasn’t a surprise that Caroline was so comfortable lying beneath the fresh sheets and blanket.

He slid into the room through the cracked open door, shutting it behind him as he walked towards the bed. “Care?”

She froze, her shoulders stopping mid breath as he moved closer to the bed, yet she still kept her back to him. “I’m tired, Matty.”

“I know...I just wanted to bring you something, but your Mom said you might be down here and Aunt Clara let me in,” he placed the plastic container down on the bedside table and sat down on the edge of the bed, turning towards her. “She said that we needed to talk...but I–I’m not sure what about, Care.”

He keeps his eyes on her, she still hasn’t rolled over to look at him or even moved in general. He heard her start to sniffle and he crawled over to her, holding himself up on his left elbow as he laid behind her, resting his right hand on her arm. “I-I’m sorry.” She sniffled again, wiping at her face with her hands.

“What are you talking about?” He asked, rubbing her arm. “I’m so confused right now, between Aunt Clara and you, I...I don’t know what to think. What’s going on?”

“I lied to you...earlier on the phone. I told you I–” She took a deep, shaky breath and then exhaled, keeping her back to him still. “Matt...I’m pregnant, the test was positive.”

He sat back, rolling off of his side as his hand fell from her arm as it was as if his last breath had been sucked right out of him. “W-What? But you said–”

“I lied,” she replied, speaking softly. “I lied because I–I…” she let out a shaky breath again, and then another sniffle.

“Caroline, bab–” he paused, swallowing back the rest of the word ‘baby’ because he didn’t want to say it, he didn’t even want to think about it. “Please roll over….”

Pregnant. She was pregnant. They were 17 and going to be parents to another human being...a baby.

After wiping at her face again, Caroline rolled over onto her right side, resting her arms up by her head as she looked at him. He could tell she’d been crying for God knows how long. Her eyes were swollen and red, the tip of her nose and her cheeks were red as well. Not to mention the dried streaks old tears had left behind.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why didn’t you tell me, Care?” He asked, crawling beneath the sheets and comforter before sinking down into the mattress and draping his left arm over her, pulling her into his side. “Why did you tell me the test was negative?”

“Because I...I’m not keeping it,” she whispered, her bottom lip quivering as she looked up at him. “And I didn’t want you to stay behind and be late going up to Ontario.”

He wasn’t sure how to feel, hearing her make that decision without him. Sure, he would’ve done whatever she wanted to do, because it is her body, but it was also half of his baby...and he wasn’t sure how he felt about not being able to grieve that loss if she had done it without him. But more importantly...he didn’t want her to go through that alone.

No one should ever have to go through that alone or make that decision alone. Not at seventeen, not ever.

“I wouldn’t have been mad,” he whispered, his left thumb brushing against her shoulder. “If you would’ve told me you were pregnant on the phone. I want to be with you Care, every step of the way, no matter what you decide you want to do. You just have to be honest with me.”

She nodded, pressing her head further into his chest. “I ran out of my appointment,” she sniffled, brushing her hand up beneath his shirt and rubbing her left thumb against his torso. “The doctor came in, said I was pregnant and it was like I blacked out. She started talking about options and wanting to do an ultrasound to see how far along I was and I...I just ran out.”

He wrapped his right arm around her, rolling her on top of him, his right hand brushing up her shirt as his thumb brushed against the small of her back. “I’m sorry for forgetting,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head. “I never wanted you to go alone...you shouldn’t have had to do that alone.”

She slid both of her arms underneath his back, wrapping him in a hug as she pressed her right ear against his chest, easily hearing his heartbeat. “I was so scared,” she whimpered, tears burning in her eyes. “There were protesters on the street a-and I had to get escorted in and–”

“Did any of them say anything to you?” He asked, his voice stern as he looked towards her for a reaction.

“No, no...they were outside the property. So if they were yelling at me, I wasn’t sure...there were multiple people being escorted.” She replied, turning towards him and resting her chin on his chest. “And being in that room...filling out the paperwork, answering all of their questions and ugh, even peeing in the cup...I just, I felt…”

“I’m sorry,” he frowned, squeezing her lightly. “I’m so fucking sorry, Caroline. I should’ve been there and I’m so mad at myself for forgetting about it.”

“It’s okay, Matty,” she whispered, her hazel eyes brimmed with tears. “It’s your future, I understand.”

He opened his mouth to speak, to oppose her self-made excuse for him...but he couldn’t. Because it is his future. A future he’s dreamed about since before he could even remember. A future that he always planned on sharing with her. And depending on how their current situation plays out...a future that could mean the absolute difference in their lives in terms of support.

“I have to go back,” she said, bringing her left arm up from beneath him and wiping her cheek with the back of her hand. “I have to have an ultrasound so they can figure out how far along I am and...and what options I have.”

He nodded, bringing his right hand out from beneath her shirt and cupping the right side of her face, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. “Okay, I’ll be there. Hell, we can even spend the night here or something, that way you know I’ll be there. I’ll drive.”

She laughed, her lips quivering again as she nodded, tears brimming in her eyes once more. “I’d love that...please.”

“Don’t worry,” he whispered, his thumb brushing away a falling tear. “I’ll be right there with you.”

He leaned his head forward and kissed her before letting his head rest back into the pillow, his hand brushing through her hair as she rested her head on his chest. With her head resting against his chest, he knew he was out of her eyesight and the calm demeanor he’d managed to keep on his face, quickly fell. His eyebrows furrowed, his nose would scrunch and his lips twitched, all in an attempt to stop himself from letting that burning feeling in his eyes win.

It wasn’t like he hadn’t just seen their dreams and futures going down the drain, he totally did. How the hell were they supposed to raise and parent a baby when they were only seventeen? The two had just gotten grounded not too long ago when they were at the beach house in Florida because they failed to come back at curfew, too busy sitting out on the beach alternating between making out and staring up at the night sky, talking about the future.

A future where he’d be off in his rookie year in the NHL, hopefully close by to her at Boston, where she’d be playing field hockey for the next four years and working on her Bachelors. And in the summers, they’d fly back home together and spend those months together and with their families before jetsetting back to Boston in the fall. And not that she knew this part, but by graduation, he hoped to have saved enough money to buy her an engagement ring worthy of her and that showed just how important she was to him. She’d go to grad school and when she finished, they’d get married that offseason and who knows, maybe start a family soon after like his parents had done.

It was his six, almost seven year plan.

But it seemed as if they’d skipped those very important first few steps that was going to be the platform of the foundation his plan sat on– because suddenly, 23 or 24, newly married and maybe starting a family, turned into seventeen and expecting a baby. No college degrees, no NHL salary, no engagement ring– nothing. Life literally laughed in their faces and said, ‘hey, here’s a baby instead, enjoy!’

[official-wayward-keener]

Parkner Bingo Card - Baking AU

Cookies and Cupcakes

Peter Parker and Harley Keener are local bakers who get brought together for a baking challenge.

Ao3 Link Here

Peter was the best cookie baker in the business. His bakery was known for its cookies. He couldn’t make a cupcake but he could make some of the best cookies. Pumpkin cookies that had people come for more. Lemon cookies that were sweet and sour in a cookie. Snickerdoodles remind people about their grandma’s snickerdoodles. Chocolate chip cookies were so amazing. He loved making cookies and being one of the best cookies in Queens.

~

Harley was the best cupcake baker in the business. He loved making cupcakes because it was something his mama taught him. Something which made him feel special. He had learned to make them just like his mom, but also put his own spin on it as well. He loved making cupcakes. He had his fruity cupcakes with actual fruit in them and his cupcakes with fillings in them. He knew it might sound weird but his favorite to make were his vanilla cupcakes with chocolate icing. They were the cupcakes his mother would make with him when he was younger before he came to New York to start his baking career. His bakery was known for its cupcakes and everyone talked about them. Harley may not be able to make a cookie but he made a killer cupcake.

~

The contest was for two bakers to come together and create one desert that was the best. Peter wanted to compete and now he was standing in front of the best cupcake bakery in Queens trying to get the nerve to talk to the owner. Finally, he walked into the store as the bell rang and saw a girl at the front who smiled.

“How can I help you?” she asked him with a slight accent.

“Can I speak with Harley Keener?” Peter asked. The girl looked at him before going to the back. A pretty boy came from the back with the girl from earlier, confused as he smiled at Peter.

“How can I help you, Darlin’?” Harley said.

“My name is Peter Parker and I was coming to ask for your help with a baking challenge,” Peter explained. Harley seemed interested.

“I don’t normally teach people how to bake but I can teach you in my free time,” Harley said winking. Peter felt his cheeks heat up.

“I can bake. That isn’t why I need your help. I’m a local baker as well. The challenge is for two bakers to come together and make a dessert out of two things. I heard you had the best cupcakes in Queens so I figured I would ask you because I make some amazing cookies according to my reviews. I figured if you were interested we could make a cookie cupcake,” Peter explained. Harley seemed even more interested than before.

“You should do this. Imagine how people would react if they knew you won a contest as well,” the girl said. Peter already determined that he liked her.

“I think it would be interesting. Bring over some of your cookies this week and I’ll taste them,” Harley told him. Peter nodded knowing that he would be excited to have another baker taste his cookies.

“I’ll bring them over Friday and you can make up some cupcakes for me to taste,” Peter told him before Harley started writing notes. He was excited just like Peter about this opportunity. Peter typing his ideas on his phone for the plan.

~

Peter came back with some cookies that people loved including his classic cookies. Harley was waiting for him with Abby upfront. Abby had called Peter and thanked him for getting Harley so invested in something. She was excited to see Harley doing something he enjoyed and not working alone for once.

“He hasn’t baked with anyone since Mama passed,” Abby explained to Peter over the phone. Peter was glad to know that Harley would be baking with him this one time at least. Peter had never baked with anyone. His uncle never baked and his aunt couldn’t bake. He found his mother’s cook books and learned from her how to bake even though she wasn’t there to show him exactly how she did it, but she had notes and Peter learned from her notes.

“Hey Harley,” Peter told him as he set down the cookies on the table as Harley sat down across from him. “Ready for some taste testing?”

“I haven’t had a good cookie in a while so it would be nice to have a cookie for once,” Harley let him know. Peter smiled as they tried the different cookies and cupcakes talking with each other about what they were.

“I think we could do a pumpkin spice cookie cupcake, a chocolate chip cookie cupcake, and a cookie crumble cupcake,” Harley told him.

“That sounds good. I do like the mix of cookies with the cupcakes idea that you have,” Peter said. “I close on Wednesdays so we can work then if you want?”

“I also close Wednesdays so we can meet at either kitchen,” Harley said.

“Then it's a date,” Peter said before he realized how he phrased it. “I mean it's a plan.”

“I get what you mean, Peter,” Harley said. Peter nodded as Harley smiled at him and told him he would see him Wednesday.

“Who runs your shop when you come over here?” Harley asked.

“My aunt or my friend,” Peter said. “Today was my friend, but last time was my aunt.”

“It's always good to have those people in your life to support you when you need them,” Harley told them. Peter agreed before heading off for the day knowing he would need to get things set up and not wanting to leave MJ stuck at the bakery for long on her day off. He was excited for his next day off though.

~

Harley arrived at Peter’s bakery to see Peter writing down notes. Harley could just smile watching him work. Peter’s aunt had let Harley in and thanked him for this. Harley was just excited to work with Peter. He was just happy to see Peter already started on their ideal recipe.

“Sorry I’m late,” Harley finally said. Peter looked up smiling.

“It’s fine,” Peter said. “Let’s get started.” Harley started on the cupcakes as Peter talked to him about how to incorporate the cookies. Harley just smiled as they got to work working together as if they always worked like that. They just worked well together like peanut butter and jelly. It took them a few hours but their cookie cupcakes were perfected in no time.

“I think we are going to win,” Harley told him as Peter told him the judges were stopping by the next day. “I will have Abby watch the shop.” Peter smiled as he told him he would see him when he gets here. Harley walked out slowly not wanting to leave but knowing he had to. He had to get back and start up an order of cupcakes for tomorrow for a birthday party.

~

Peter waited for Harley to arrive. He made it just before the judges. He apologized and said that he was running a bit behind.

“No worries. The judges aren’t here yet,” Peter told him as he waited for them bouncing up and down. The judges came and tried their cupcakes, they seemed pleased with them but there wasn’t much being said about the cupcakes. Once they left, Peter got excited as he celebrated what they did today. Harley smiled as well as he pulled Peter into a hug. Peter was surprised but accepted it, enjoying the physical contact. The two pulled apart smiling.

“We should do this again sometime,” Harley said. Peter agreed. He waited as Harley debated about leaving.

“I should head back, do you want to hang out next Wednesday?” Harley asked. Peter smiled and agreed, telling him that he would tell Harley when the results came in.

~

Sunday leads to Peter calling Harley with good news. They had won the competition and their desert was going to be featured in a magazine. Harley came over later after he closed his shop since Peter didn’t open on Sundays unlike Harley. Peter told him all about it and how excited he was.

“They want to interview us,” Peter said.

“I think this calls for a celebration,” Harley told Peter. “What if we go out to dinner together tonight?”

“I would enjoy that,” Peter said smiling. Harley just smiled back as the partnership for a competition was going to lead to a date which would lead to two popular bakeries becoming one. But for now it was just starting out. Like their Cookie Cupcake, the two were coming together to become something great.

[killthe-illusionarydreams]

Ashes To Ashes

Pairing: Fred Weasley x Reader

Request: ‘Please could you write a Fred Weasley imagine where you’re inside the burrow when Bellatrix sets it on fire and Fred runs in to get you out?? Thank you, I’m really loving you writing!’ For anonymous

Ps- i havent read the books or seen the movies in a while so I kinda went w the time it was fleur & bills wedding & intergrated it w that, sorry if its not what u wanted but I did write Bellatrix’s attack in x

————

Today was the big day. For today was the the day where Fleur & Bill were finally to be wed. For their celebration to erase war from anyones thoughts, today they were just two kids in love, not undercover Order Workers. Today they were simply girl & boy.

“Oi Y/N hurry up, Fleur’s asking for you” Ginny shouts practically breathless as she runs past your room, trying to find Hermione for the bride.

You pick up the gorgeous bouqet that earlier today you picked up from the florist for the woman and made your way downstairs into the living room. As you take a closer look, you notice something is off. Fleur was standing rigidly still, looking in the mirror unblinking.

“Fleur, darling, are you alright?”

The woman remained silent, Y/N had no idea what to do, she’d never seen her friend so paniced, so immobile. Ever since Y/N’s sixth year (after the Triwizard Tournament) the two kept in contact, maintaining a solid friendship with the other, who wouldve known that years later Fleur would join the family that you had already been apart of.

“Its okay to be nervous.” You sit beside the Frenchwoman “Just talk through it” grabbing her hand you pull her down to sit beside you.

“It’z all so scary Y/N. I love Bill, I really do, but what if he realises he doesnt feel the same about me and leaves me there?” She faces you, eyes glossed over

That caused you to frowm slightly “Bill loves you more than he loves life itself Fleaur, everybody knows that he’d do anything for you just to see you happy- not many can say that they have a person like that.” You smile lightly, thinking about your person. “You constantly say how much you love him, so if you stil feel that for him, theres no need to be scared of getting married-These are the normal pre wedding doubts, none of them are true. Besides, I’m sure if Bill tried to run away from such a gorgeous and talented person as you, Molly would raise havoc and go to the ends of the earth to get him back.”

Fleur looks up at you, smiling, but with stray tears going down her face “Thank you Y/N” she throws herself forward and hugs you “It’s just a big step & I’ve been so emotional lately because of-“ she hesitates

A look of realisation dawns on you and you beam, hugging her once more but tighter “You’re joking? Congratulations!” You give her a peck on the cheek “Does Bill know?” You queried as she shook her head

“Non, I only confirmed it a week ago. Please dont tell anyone Y/N.” She looks at you with pleading eyes and you vigorously nod

“Of course. I wont say a thing, this is your secret. But how about we start getting ready for your wedding hmm.”

As Y/N started to do Fleurs makeup, Hermione rushed in with the wedding dress that her and Molly had been making final adjustments to, Ginny was running around frantically trying to get all the guests in the right places and seats. Once commisioning your help to shout at a group of loiterers to leave the premises because they wouldnt listen to the red head girl. All in all, after many hours, Fleaur was ready.

“You look gorgeous.” Gabrielle beamed at her sister

“Stunning.”

“Ethereal.”

“I might just steal you from Bill” you wink and cause her to laugh and blow you a kiss “I’ll go get everyone ready, you still have plenty of time to relax.” Handing Gabrielle the bouqet, you rush out of the room, which proved to be quite difficult in heels. But bearing through the pain, you get outside and see rows and rows of the fragile golden chairs set on either side of the long purple carpet. The supporting poles to the gazeebo top were entwined with gorgeous white and gold flowers. As you look to where there was supposed to be an enormous bunch of balloons, you frown to see it bare.

“George!” You shout getting his attention “Wheres Fred? You were supposed to the balloons up ages-“ you feel strong arms pick you up and spin you around, making you let out a shriek of surprise, thankfully not loud enough to get the attention of the others

“I’m here my love, disposable at your command.” He purrs into your ear, sending chills down your spine

“Put me down asshole” you laugh and turn to face him, before you could manage to say anything you were taken aback at how he looked. “You got a haircut.” You stated plainly and ran a hand through his hair as he put his arms around your waist.

“Correction, George cut my hair when I wasnt paying attention so ‘people would be able to tell the difference between us’” he wrinkled his nose

You stare at him, dumbstruck “As if the hole on the side of his head wasnt enough.” Fred laughs and says thats what he said “I like it, it suits you.”

Fred grins and kisses you, “Lets face it Y/N you like anything when its to do with me.”

You roll your eyes and hum in agreement “Thats because I love you Fred. But I will seriously consider breaking up with you if you dont get the balloons up as you promised.”

Fred gives you a small peck & jumps back from you “I’m on it!” and runs over towards his brother to finally do what he had to. You smile at him, reminiscing at how you managed to fall in love with such an idiotic man, yet you could never wish for more. Fred Weasley was truly perfect.

Shaking your head you turn back to the guests that were not where they were supposed to be before shouting “Get to your seats and away from the food please! Thats for after the ceremony!” You swat their hands before adding “If you dont know where youre supposed to be, go to Hermione and Molly, they will tell you.” You motion to the pair before walking around to make last minute adjustments.

The wedding ceremony went beautifully, Fleur was walked down with her bridesmaids: Gabrielle & Ginny. When in sight, she rendered everyone breathless, she was ethereal, the most gorgeous a person could possibly look. Molly teared up from the get go at the sight of her eldest marrying, many more joined in when they said their vows. You could not believe that the day of your friends wedding had finally arrived. Throughout the entire sitting down portion of the ceremony, Fred was holding your hand and rubbing circles on it, an assurance that through everything you went through- you were still together- still alive.

*

The loud music was ringing through the field, dancing bodies surrounded you, but you paid them no mind, your main focus on Fred.

“Did I tell you how gorgeous you look Y/N?”

You laugh lightly as you sway to the beat “No, I must’ve missed it the other ten times you said it”

“Well you do, absolutely bewitching, are you sure you didnt use a love poition on me? I never knew feeling this was possible.” He jokes as he spins you

“Must be my natural charm and charisma that got you so captured Fred.”

“Must be.” He mutters softly looking into your eyes. Fred was completely besotted by you, more than anyone had ever seen him be, he just knew that Y/N was perfect. The way that she’d light up any room she walked in, the way that she’d never back down from a challenge, and just simply how she made him feel. Dear Merlin he loved the girl. “After this do you fancy going away for a bit?”

You look at him sceptically “Planning out your murderous fantasies are we?”

He laughs and shakes his head “You’re impossible. No, since the shops closed I thought we could go away somewhere before everything with the war kicks off, I want as much time with you as I can get.”

“Oh” you forgot that the wizarding world was on the brink of war “Yeah. Yeah, I’d like that. But if you sneak George along i swear to Merlin I will live through my murderous fantasy & kill the pair of you.”

Fred chuckles again, before nodding “Promise, no George. I think he got an eyefull when he barged into our room without knocking.”

“Serves him right.” You mumble “I told him on multiple occasions to knock.”

The rest of the song died down and you stayed in Freds arms for a moment, before he was being wisked away to dance with Aunt Muriel, he held an awfully sour look as you giggled when she hounded on him to straighten his back, then saying that he was too tall.

“I’m a bit cold, I’ll go get a jacket then I’ll be right back” Y/N kissed his cheek & left to get back inside the burrow. Thinking nothing of it, she poured herself another drink, smiling to herself at how Fred would have to have another dance with Muriel. What an awful woman.

Unbeknown to the girl, a silver patronus intruded on the celebration to announce grave news. “The Ministary has fallen. The Minister of magic is dead. They are coming. They are coming.” Everyone scrabled to find their loved ones, to make sure that they were safe, but before Fred even had the chance to look for Y/N, everything burst into havoc. The gazeebo was now engulfed in flames, Death Eaters showing up everywhere to curse them.

“Y/N!” Fred shouted, frantically looking around for the girl “Y/N!”

He turned around and was greeted by a paniced Mr Weasley “Theres not much time Fred, I dont know where she is, you need to get to safety and leave. Now!”

Fred ignored his fathers protests and ran, dodging various spells being shot from either side. He had to find you, he had to know you were safe.

An abrupt crash jolts you back into reality, you get up to run and go outside but with a sudden ‘whoosh’ and black smoke- two Death Eaters appear infront of you.

“Shit.” You mumble & grab your wand, quickly dodging their spells you manage to knock one out & try to deal with the other. “You’re quite persistant-“ blue sparks shoot from your wand, the figure ran upstairs & you follow.

“And you’re associated with mud-blood scum!” A flash of green emerged from their wand that narrowly missed you, you grin

“You missed.” You kick a chair at the figure, momentarily distracting them to cast a spell “Stupefy! Petrificus totalus!” As the figure was knocked out & bound together, you walk over and spit out “Get a life, prick” snapping their wand in two.

In the middle of your fight, you had not noticed that the commotion outside had turned to an arsonists playground. looking through the window you call for Fred, hearing no response your heart stops, you leave the room & try to get down the stairs but now they were already engulfed by flames.

“Oh shit” you panic and shoot spells at it to stop the fire from spreading, but to no avail, it only got worse. Smoke was now clouding your vision, realising that if you were not to jump down you’d perish in this fire. Letting out a short breath, you hype yourself up for the leap of your life “You can do it Y/N. Come on” violetly coughing, you jump. Unfortunately landing a fair few stairs too high. Unbearable pain shoots up through your leg & you cry out in pain.

Sinking to the floor you couldnt even move, the pain in your arm and leg restricting you. This was it, this would be how you die. All alone, with no one to help you, no one to save you. In a burning house. Yet the only thought racing through your mind was ‘Is Fred safe’. Thankfully most of the fire was behind you, the staircase had completely gone up in flames however, the roof was begining to crumble down. A plank toppled down, narrowly missing you, but making the room next to you catch on fire.

As you were losing conciousness you hear a strained yell “Y/N!” You try to respond, but all that came out was a series of violent coughs “Y/N im coming, hang on!” You couldn’t see what was happening, i dont know if it was the thick cloud of smoke or the fact that you were breathing most of it in, but your vision blurred.

A faint figure emerged, breathless, trying to get through the flames & to you fast enough “Hey Y/N ive got you, im here.” You felt yourself being picked up & your body fell like a ragdoll. “Oh merlin dont die on me Y/N.” Was the last thing you heard before passing out.

*

The abrupt light and noise woke you up, yet you were unable to open your eyes, they were far too heavy for the little energy you had. Were you dead? Is this what death felt like?

“Stop pacing Fred, she’ll be fine.” You heard a voice say, however, unable to distinguish who it belonged to “shes a strong girl, the nurses said so.”

“Yeah they also said she’d wake up yesterday, so my apologies if I dont believe what they have to say.” He snapped

Fred. Oh yes, Fred. He came into the building to save you didnt he? So that answered your question of being dead. You were very much alive, but dear Merlin you were in unbearable pain.

“She’ll be up and about soon though? Her body was exhausted thats why shes sleeping so long right?” He continued, sounding unsure. Well if this is how they reacted to you passing out you wouldn’t want to know how theyd react if you died.

“And id appreciate it if I could sleep some more.” You croak out as you let your eyes open. Coming to face the whole clan of distressed red heads, Harry, Hermione & Fleur.

Fred snaps to face you and a look of relief washes over his features “Y/N” he whispers and rushes to your side hugging you “You’re okay. You’re alive. Thank Merlin.”

You try to chuckle, which abruptly turns into a wheze “I’m okay yeah, in a lot of pain but I’m fine.” Fred retreats from you, an apologetic look on his face.

“Come on kids lets give them some space.” Molly ushers everyone out of the room “I’m glad you’re okay Y/N” she sends you a smile and leaves the room for you and Fred to be alone.

Moments pass with Fred just looking at you with glassy eyes before he abruptly let out “You bloody scared me half to death!”

You motion for him to help you sit up “Oh I do apologise that me nearly burning in a fire scared you. I wasnt very happy about it either.”

Fred looks at you speachless, confused at how you can joke about it so soon. He remains quiet before letting out a big sigh and hanging his head into his lap “I thought I lost you.” He mumbles, barely loud enough for you to hear

“Hey, look at me.” You say and put his face into your left hand with the little energy you have “I’m okay, I’m alive. And so are you” he smiles faintly before you continue “Obviously as gorgeous as ever, so nothing irreversible happened.”

He laughs “Obviously.”

While in the room Fred filled you in on what happened, that after the Death Eaters showed up & they fought them off- Bellatrix Lestrange set fire to the burrow & he ran in to get you out. He told you that you passed out & that you had to be taken to St Mungos to treat your broken leg and the burn on your arm.

“The nurses said you were lucky to get out alive Y/N” he said lowly, not being able to bear the thought of your death.

“Im alive because of you Fred. Thank you.” You offer a weak smile “There were two Death Eaters in the house when it burned up-“

“Thats not on your concious to bear, Its on Bellatrix Lestrange.”

You nod, in all honesty you didnt feel bad that they perished in the fire- their downfall was their own undoing. But what was on your mind was the fire burn “When I’m better do you recon I’ll l have a cool badass scar?”

Fred shakes his head as he holds your hand, of course thats what Y/N is thinking about “‘course you will, It’ll become part of badass backstory.”

“Good” you mumble and close your eyes. After a long silence you relax back into your pillow, the sleeping draft & skelly-grow hitting you like a brick. You begin to mumble incoherent sentences

“Hey Freddie?”

He looks at your peaceful face, all calm against the pillow and responds “Yes my love?”

After a little pause of small mumbles, you ask “When I’m better, can we leave for our trip?”

“Whatever you want Y/N.” He smiles lightly & watches you drift off to sleep, hoping that ‘better’ would come along faster.

—————

Ahh okay hi! Omg this took so long to write, again sorry its not the actual bellatrix fire story, i jus forgot how it happened & when I remembered I wrote too much of it. <33

[thepigeonsopinion]

So, "Hack San" was released...

The episode "Hack San" has finally been released and here I am now, about to go on and on about the episode :) But first let's do a small summary or synopsis of the episode!

Warning: Spoilers to the episode "Hack San"

Summary:

The episode starts off with Marinette trying to make up excuses to stay in Paris/home, instead of going to London to visit her Aunt. So far, all of her attempts have been failures. Marinette then has no choice but to leave Paris with her family. Meanwhile, Gabriel or Shadowmoth creates a new sentimonster with the name of Hack San, which is a virus that allows for Markov to be vulnerable to an akuma. Then, Marinette contacts Alya to meet her at the train station before she is to leave. Marinette gives Alya the Ladybug miraculous trusting her to protect Paris while she is gone. Alya has a chat with the kwami's, Tikki and Trixx, in which they tell her the ups and downs of being the holder of the Ladybug miraculous and the guardian of the miracle box. Alya returns to the park that she was hanging out at before Marinette contacted her. At the park, Alya starts to fuss over everyone's emotions, mainly if they are feeling any negative emotions. Meanwhile, Markov is effected by the virus and is akumatized by Shadowmoth and becomes Robustus. Robustus then (through the internet) takes control of people and orders them to give him their most prized possessions. While on the train, Marinette's parents are affected by Robustus, which leads to Marinette being captured by Robustus. It is then Alya's responsibility to protect Paris. Alya transforms into her version of Ladybug, and while she is trying to find her new super hero name she is met with Chat Noir. Chat Noir does not immediately trusts the new super heroine and suspects they are the villain. However, this distrust is cut short because of the akuma Robustus still being at large. Robustus orders everyone to capture Ladybug and Chat Noir. The super heroes hear a person crying for help and while Chat Noir is at first suspicious, Alya heads straight to where the civilian's voice was heard. This turns out to be a trap and the super heroes are forced to run into a building where they are also trapped by Robustus. Alya summons her Lucky Charm to aid her in this situation. Alya or Scarabella receives a frying pan. This leads her to think of a plan to manipulate Robustus to release the people's possessions in exchange for both her and Chat Noir. Robustus agrees to this and releases all of the objects and among those objects is Marinette who catches on quickly to the plan and uses the frying pan to release the akuma. The super heroes are released as well and Alya uses her Miraculous Ladybug. And as always, Paris is saved once again. A few days later, Marinette and her family are back from her trip and Alya suggest Marinette/Ladybug go talk to Chat Noir, and she does. Ladybug and Chat Noir have a talk about how someone knows about Ladybug's secret identity and Chat's new found fear that Ladybug might not be there anymore, in which Ladybug gives him the reassurance that she won't be going anywhere. And, the episode ends.

Yay! Another very detailed and unnecessary summary of the episode! Welp! It's too late now. :|

Anyway! Now onto my opinion or thoughts on the episode!

(Also I'm re-watching the episode as I do this so this might have some unnecessary details. Anyway, carry on!)

First things first the, I know that Marinette is trying to get out of going to London and staying in Paris, but I swear her excuses are getting weaker. I swear she had better excuses in the earlier seasons or is it just me? Not to mention, since Marinette is so desperate to stay in Paris she purposefully trips down the stairs. Damn the dedication and I mean, I know that Marinette needs to stay in Paris just in case, but she has left Paris like three times now, you would think that she would have a backup plan if anything happened in Paris when she wasn't there (and I'll talk about one of her solutions later on *cough cough Scarabella cough cough*). Also, Tom's desperation and persistence for Marinette to come on the trip is kinda amusing. And the not so subtle jabs at the aunt :0

Moving on! Ummm Nooroo and Dusuu you know that Gabriel is RIGHT there right? I mean he could probably hear what your saying. Also, Gabriel are you just deaf or did you not just hear what they said? Because their right behind you. When Shadowmoth made Hack San, was the weird "Haah" sound really necessary? Also, why does the virus, USB thingy low key look like Nino's shirt logo. Are they somehow connected? Or did they just run out of ideas for the design? (Not me being salty over a sentimonsters design) Why the fuck is this robot doing like three things at the same time? I know that he's a robot, but come on.

Hmmmm. No other option you say? What about bringing the Horse miraculous with you like in Startrain? Or use the cosmic suits that can legit let you fly around the world? Come on, let's be honest here giving Alya the Ladybug miraclulous wasn't the ONLY option. Claps to Alya for doing a fake doubting act, but in reality just trying to think of a new superhero name. You almost got me there Astruc, you almost made me thought that Alya had her doubts about taking over for Marinette, but in reality is just super excited to take over. Props to you my dude, props! Also, I'm not going to lie Alya all of your name ideas are kinda weak, I mean the fandom has better name ideas than you do, but then again that is to be expected. Props to the kwamis for putting all the pressure that Marinette has on her back and transferring it to Alya. Thank you for making Alya aware of all the pressure Marinette's under. Even if Alya's probably not going to bring it up and probably will just brush it off. Yes, Alya just keep telling your self that this weekend is going to be totally chill. Not to mention, Tikki being more supportive to Alya than to Marinette, whaaaaaaaaaaa- :0. Alya you just told yourself that this weekend was going to be chill why the heck are you making your life harder for yourself. To be honest, if your acting like this already you deserve whatever is coming for you. Marinette, honey, why the fuck do you need to right down 675 tips for Alya? I mean I get 33 tips even 40, but 675, really? Not to mention, the tip about laughing at Chat Noir's jokes even if they aren't funny just to make him happy, why the fuck do you need to keep him happy he could be mad, upset, or sad and I wouldn't give a fuck :p.

I will say this again, how the fuck does a multi-intelligent robot that is connected the world wide web, that is also doing at least 4 things at the same time get tempted and corrupted by a virus by clicking on a cute kitty cat ad. HOW!?! EXPLAIN THAT TO ME!?!

Okay, so remember when we thought we were actually going to get a canon Marcenial moment. Hahaha welp Astruc you've done it again you have crushed our shipping dreams again. I hope your proud of yourself. Also, the most precious possession to Marc is his and Nathaniel's manga/comic, really?

Damn the amount of times this girl makes us and Trixx second guess that she's doubting herself, like she's done it three times now. Not to mention, why is her ladybug suit more detailed than Marinette's hmmm? I mean, don't get me wrong I like the design, but why can't Marinette have a detailed suit like this? Also why is Alya acting like The Owl? *Hoot Hoot!* I also just realised that the kwamis are a bit territorial, well not Tikki, but Plagg and Trixx have proven themselves to be a bit territorial of their holders.

I love Chat Noir's distrust to Alya as Ladybug because this shows a different side of Chat Noir that Paris doesn't see, but does Alya see this and realize how much of a ass he is? Nope. Also, not going to lie, his distrust kinda amuses me. Carrying on! Chat Noir, I can hear the toxic jealousy from here my dude, you might want to tone it down a bit, you've got a audience here you know. You know, I was expecting him to say his most prized possession was Ladybug, or even his kwami, Plagg, but I wasn't expecting him to say croquettes. OMG! GUYS! IT'S HAPPENING! CHAT IS FINALLY BEING CAUTIOUS FOR ONCE INSTEAD OF IMMEDIATELY JUMPING INTO TROUBLE!!! Also, Chat Noir being responsible whaaaaaaa- :0. Ummm, why the fuck did they just run into a building, when they legit could've jumped out of that mess, like seriously why isn't anyone using their head today?

Moving on! Why the heck is most of this episode just Alya trying to think of a super hero name like seriously, I know it's supposed to be some kinda of gag, but it's starting to get a bit annoying. Chat Noir being supportive to Alya: *slow clap*. When Alya's whole plan is to just to leave everything up to Marinette, Me: Wow! I TOtAlLy didn't see that coming! Hehehe Chat Noir with a pot over his head. You know, I thought upset Chat Noir was enough for this episode, but now we get sad Chat Noir and Ladybug reassuring him, just wow, you have out done yourself Astruc.

AND! That's that end of the episode! So all in all, this episode wasn't that bad? But it wasn't my favorite (maybe one of my least favorite tbh :0) Mainly, because of the appearance of Scarabella and ladybug catering to Chat Noir needs. This is probably mainly because I'm a bit biased, but in my opinion and I will repeat in MY OPINION I don't think Alya really deserves to get the miraculous. I mean yeah, Marinette has given her trust to her and has told her that she is Ladybug, but has she really done anything to show that she deserves that trust. If I'm being honest she has shown more reasons for Marinette not to trust her. One of the reasons being that Alya doesn't fully trust Marinette herself, and the other being that she disobeyed Marinette by telling Nino that she is still Rena Rouge and not telling her that she did so.

Anyway! Those are most of my thought's on this episode. This has been a loooong week for me with the addition of school now. So expect me to be posting more on the weekends than on weekdays.

Anywho! I hope everyone has a great rest of their day. And always remember...

But that's just my opinion (・ε・)

(This week has been soooo tiring and with the edition of this episode and a sneak peek of a new episode coming up, I know it's only beginning. *smiles through the pain :)*)

[punkpoemprose]

December 14th- A Convenient Arrangement Part 6

Universe: Canonverse Arranged Marriage AU Rating:T Length: 6083 Words A/N: Dear reader, there is only one bed. And a lot of feelings before there is only one bed. More feelings about there being only one bed in the following chapter which will probably come soon?

Thanks for hanging in here with me. Everyone who reblogs, messages, leaves comments or tags gets a star sticker and a hug because the feedback keeps me writing and I love it!

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5]

Kristoff watched cautiously as Anna sat on a small stone near Pabbie’s home and listened to the old troll tell her the same information that had been shared with him earlier in the day. It had been confusing to him at first, particularly because he scarcely remembered anything about his early years with the trolls and the time of his life he spent without them. Anna had been even younger than he had been when their paths had first crossed, and she was having difficulty remembering it to the point that Kristoff wondered whether it had really happened at all.

The trolls didn’t lie, but they had also been alive for several human lifespans, and sometimes they forgot details or transposed dates, and it certainly wasn’t something that Kristoff could ever hold against them. They knew more about the history of the land than he could ever imagine learning, not to mention all the information they knew about magic and nature that he was certain no human could ever hope to understand with such mastery.

What if I just dragged her here to be confused and scared instead of comforted and informed?

He almost wanted to take her to the side and apologize when Pabbie looked at her with a serious gaze, like he wasn’t quite sure what had gone wrong. He wanted to tell her that he had only meant to comfort her the way he’d been comforted earlier in the day, and that he wanted her to feel safe with him and his family. He wanted to ask what she needed and give it to her.

I want to take care of her.

He realized in that moment that there was something he could do to that end, signaling for one of his uncles to come to his side.

“Can you bring a message to the city for me?” he asked as Anna continued, not too far off, to talk in quiet but confused tones with Pabbie.

“Of course. I just hope the Queen will remember us better than her sister.”

He sighed. He wanted to chide the troll for the tone of confusion. He wanted to tell him to cut Anna some slack for not remembering, because he wasn’t even sure it had been her at all. At least he knew that the Queen must know of the treaties between the crown and the trolls, or that at least one magic wielder might understand another.

The trolls usually tried not to leave their valley, particularly because they didn’t need to do so, but they were capable of it. He’d noticed them sometimes out of the corner of his eye, hiding in parts of the city at night when they were curious enough to explore. He knew that some of the people knew of them well enough to leave them alone, while others knew enough of them to be frightened by them, which was of course little to nothing as anyone who knew more than what to call them knew they were harmless.

“Please just tell the Queen that… well you’re my family and that her sister is safe and well. Tell her we got caught up talking and that we’ll be staying the night in the mountains and returning in the morning.”

The troll smiled, “Oh, staying the night is she? Do you want me to send some of your aunts and sisters over to make up that little cabin of yours?”

The wink the troll gave him was exaggerated, and Kristoff couldn’t help but feel grateful that Anna was too busy speaking with Pabbie to notice. He wasn’t meaning to be crass, but Kristoff couldn’t help but give him an annoyed look as she shook his head and sighed.

“No. Just let the Queen know please. I’d rather not be beheaded first thing in the morning when the palace guards get sent out in search of the Princess and think I’ve kidnapped her.”

The troll laughed, and Kristoff couldn’t tell if he understood that he was being serious or not. He hadn’t really thought much about Anna leaving the castle with him that morning. He’d always come and gone places as he liked in his life. It had never struck him to think for a moment about how his wife wasn’t allowed to do the same until they’d left the castle gates and she’d been so rapt with attention and focused on every detail of the town and the wood beyond the castle gates.

He’d shown her the places she’d never known existed before. There were natural hot springs, overlooks, waterfalls, and groves of apple trees she’d never seen. He’d stopped and slowed to let her see them as they rode along, and while they’d made good time on their trip into the mountains, he’d never wanted to avoid a stop that might interest her.

Is that what love feels like?

He shook off the thought and watched as the troll, still laughing at him and shaking his head, set off toward the edge of the clearing. Once there he started to quickly roll down the path that Kristoff knew was the quickest way to get to the capitol city from the mountains. He took comfort in the fact that as quick as the trolls could move the trip was not likely to take long, and that soon enough Anna’s sister would know that she was safe.

Hopefully she’ll take the word of a troll.

He turned his attention back to Anna and his grandfather. It seemed, as he walked back to their space, that there had not been any major breakthroughs on getting her to remember the moment that their paths crossed as children. It was odd to him that she wouldn’t remember anything that had happened to her. Though, when he thought about it a bit harder, he felt like he could remember the little red haired girl, the one that Pabbie thought was Anna, being asleep through the whole interaction.

“Pabbie?” he interrupted, wondering if perhaps the revelation might prove useful, or at least allow Anna some respite.

He could see that she was tired. It had been a long day, and having the same information thrown at him earlier in the day with a better memory of the events had been exhausting enough. He could tell she was frustrated and trying her best not to show it. It was written all over her posture, the way her fists were balled up on her knees, and the way her head was hung a little low so that she wasn’t quite making eye contact.

The old troll looked at him, but Kristoff’s focus was much more on Anna when she looked up at him. He saw that there was a shine to her eye, that she was frustrated to the point of tears.

You shouldn’t have brought her here.

He stepped closer and kneeled down at her side, offering her his hand. He felt relieved when she took it, and then warm when she used it to beckon him closer, leaning on him a bit when he complied to the physical request. They’d broken more unspoken cautionary boundaries today than they had on the wedding night.

Even their wedding kiss didn’t feel as intimate as her seeking his touch and support felt. He could almost fool himself into believing that what she felt for him was growing from partner in a bad situation to friend, to maybe something more like an actual spouse. He wanted to be that for her.

“I was just thinking… the girl… Anna, if it was her. She was asleep the whole time. How could she remember if her eyes weren’t open.”

The old troll looked thoughtful for a moment, and then Kristoff watched as he started piecing together the memories of the night that had been the subject of Kristoff’s thoughts for the entire evening. It was the day that the trolls had adopted him as their own, the day he’d followed a trail of ice to their valley and watched what he’d been told was the royal family meet with his grandfather.

He supposed that it had to have been them, unless of course ice powers and looking like the royal family were much more common traits than he had been lead to believe. It was what he rationalized bringing her to the trolls with. Somehow their whole situation felt a little bit better if the trolls were right and the early events of her life were tied to his.

Fate might be real, or it might be a load of crap, but either way it’s something to believe in and that feels good.

“You might be onto something Kristoff,” the old troll said, and then after another moment of silence he added, “Of course… Anna, do you remember your sister having powers when you were young?”

She looked thoughtful for a moment as Kristoff turned his head to look at her where she was leaned against his side. Her brow scrunched and she squeezed his fingers where they were interlaced with hers. She looked off into the distance, and he watched her space out as she thought about her younger years.

He was worried that they’d hit another roadblock when she shook her head.

“No, I was surprised as anyone when she froze the fountain… I’m sorry, but I don’t remember anything but just the two of us playing.”

“I did a good job then,” the old troll said with a smile.

He made a broad gesture then with his hands, sweeping them through the air like something hung in it that only he could see. He swirled his hands in it, gathering something that Kristoff realized was becoming visible, glowing and glittering along his fingertips.

With an abrupt shift, that made them both jump, the old troll leaned forward and settled his hand on Anna’s forehead, the light settling into her skin as he eyes fluttered shut.

***

She was small and she was building a snowman. His name was olaf, and he was very cold, but he loved warm hugs. She hugged him, her little arms unable to span his snow body, but the love she felt for him was bigger than she was. Elsa giggled from behind the snowman, carefree, in a way she hadn’t seen her in years.

Then Elsa was with her again, this time making a sled of ice for them to slip down an icy hill on. Anna hadn’t recalled it not being a wooden sled before, but it made sense. No wooden sled wooshed the way they did on the ice. No wooden sled felt so cool under her.

She saw them again, Elsa making little snow dolls for her to play with, even though it was bedtime. Anna made them smooch because she always liked it when her toys were in a story about true love and marriage. It made her sad, for a moment, to remember that.

Then, she felt a knot grow in her stomach as she recalled a night long since forgotten. Elsa was building her little snow hills, and she was jumping quickly from one to another. She was jumping higher and higher and higher, but then there wasn’t another column below her, and she started to fall. She saw Elsa try to help, saw the flash of her sister’s ice come towards her, and then everything after was dark and cold.

She tried to push through it, to remember more, but not more memories would come, because they had never been formed.

I was asleep.

She felt a warmth at her side, and she let herself take a deep breath before opening her eyes. The old troll had been right of course. The night she couldn’t remember had likely been the very same night Kristoff came to the valley, following the ice from her wound and from Elsa’s anxious inability to control her powers.

When she opened her eyes Kristoff was staring down at her. She’d been pulled into his lap, and she thought, for a moment, about closing her eyes and staying there for a moment.

Her head hurt. There was a sort of congested soreness behind her eyes that radiated out to her temples as more memories, little ones about snowball fights and flurries and ice skating filtered back into her thoughts. Kristoff put his hand against her forehead, as if he were checking her temperature, and Anna noticed some of the pain fall away.

It was no magic that helped her feel better of course, just the warmth of his hand and the gentleness of the gesture that made her feel like all of this truly had been fate.

She looked up at him, and then above him, to the clear and cloudless night that had come on as she talked to Pabbie. She wondered if she looked hard enough, whether she could see herself and Kristoff written in the stars like any of the other constellations.

She’d had a tutor once who’d told her that constellations were just stars, a million miles away, that weren’t rigid structures so much that they were interpolated shapes, lines that humans drew in the ocean of stars above to tell themselves a story. She stared up at them, past Kristoff’s concerned features, and picked a handful that she thought looked a bit like interlocking circles, give or take a few stars.

That’s us.

Two circles crossing over each other, linked by fate. And by a wedding. And maybe by more.

The stars twinkled as she gazed upon them, and she thought that maybe they too were a sign. She hoped that they were telling her that everything would be alright.

Kristoff’s thumb moved a bit of hair away from her eyes, swiping it away easily as he held her in his lap, against him, against his arm. The almost brain freeze-like pain faded away the longer his hand rested against her forehead, and she let her eyes drift back closed.

***

Kristoff had been worried that she had been injured. He trusted Pabbie of course, but when she’d slumped a bit at his side and had stayed weak and slumped for a while after her memories had been returned, he had been afraid that something had gone wrong.

She’d come out of the shock of it a few short minutes later though, and he’d held her in his lap for a long while before she’d sat up on her own. They’d talked to Pabbie a bit more after, about how Kristoff had only found his family because of her family’s accident. It felt strange to think that they’d met before, her and the trolls, and that Kristoff had seen her that night.

She hadn’t remembered it because she’d been asleep, and she hadn’t remembered anything before that because the memories had been taken from her. That hurt to think about, that there were all these wonderful memories of her sister being her authentic self that were gone to her for so long.

The old troll had explained the need to remove the memories, the fact that with her being so young, Elsa’s magic might have done worse than just changed her hair if the memory of it had been left there. She knew that of course, having been struck again with her sister’s cold fairly recently and almost dying because of it. It had only been her own urge to protect Elsa that had saved her life.

She looked over to Kristoff, as they broke into the clearing where his small home sat. He had a thoughtful look on his face that she could scarcely read in the dim light provided by the moon and stars above them. He’d wrapped his arm around her for the walk back, steadying her on the path as they walked through shadows and she thought that maybe he was also trying to warm her.

The summer night was not particularly cold per say, but still she shivered.

She wondered what he would do when she told him about being struck with her sister’s ice for a second time. She wasn’t sure if he would understand, and she didn’t want his pity. She didn’t think she needed to warn him about it either. It was just something she thought he might like to know.

I just want someone to know.

Plenty of people knew, really. The royal council, Elsa, some of the staff, but no one had talked with her about it. No one asked how it had felt, how she’d felt her life ending and knew that she was powerless to stop anything but the end for her sister as well. It had been a miracle that they’d both survived, but there had been no time to breathe after.

“I sent someone to tell your sister you’d be staying,” he said quietly, “Hopefully she wasn’t too worried about how long we’ve been gone.”

Anna flushed. She’d forgotten about making sure Elsa knew they were alright. She still wasn’t sure if her sister had even gotten the note that she’d left for her.

In hindsight she could have probably handled the whole situation better, but she had just wanted to leave the castle, to be alone with her new husband for a while. Elsa, she knew, was still uncomfortable and fearful about the whole situation. Anna was as well, but she’d spent at least a little time with Kristoff and knew that he was the sort of person who would close off around others. If she really wanted to get to know him, it wasn’t something that could be done with the trailing guards Elsa would have insisted on.

She could already imagine the speech she was going to get from her sister when she arrived home. The air around her felt colder even thinking about it.

“Anna?”

He’d said something while she was thinking, but she hadn’t heard him. She still couldn’t completely see his face due to the dimness of the light around them, but she thought that maybe he was smiling. He probably realized she had spaced out, and she appreciated that he didn’t seem to get annoyed or upset with her when she did so.

If he did it would be a long and frustrating marriage.

She hoped that it would, of course, be a long one.

“I’m sorry, I was thinking about something.”

He nodded and extended a hand to her, offering her assistance to enter the cabin. She took the offered hand, but didn’t move, awaiting a repeat of what he’d just said.

“It’s alright, I was just letting you know there’s a tinderbox and a lantern inside. I already brought in the food you packed earlier. I suppose it’s a good thing we brought along extra. I had food here, but you probably wouldn’t have cared for it.”

Her heart started to pound. He made it sound like he was leaving her alone, and that was the last thing she wanted. Their walk back from the valley where the trolls resided had been a quiet one, and she felt like there was so much to say.

I don’t like to be alone.

She couldn’t say that though.

“Aren’t you coming in?”

He shrugged, “I thought I’d stay the night in the stable. You’d be more comfortable without me I’m sure.”

“I would not. You will not,” she said, the response instant and a bit rude, but she couldn’t help it.

She’d spoken the words like a command, but really she didn’t want to put him out. She would never expect him to be put into an uncomfortable position for her, especially not at his own home. More than that, she wanted him to stay with her. They’d been together all day and he hadn’t stepped even a toe out of the line they’d made together on their wedding night. He’d kept her safe, and he’d introduced her to his family. It was more than she’d ever dreamed their trip would be, and he’d, in a roundabout way, given her back her memories. She couldn’t possibly ever thank him enough for that. The least she could do was ensure he spent the night in his own bed.

“Please,” she said, this time a bit more controlled, “Stay.”

His jaw clenched, and she could feel the tension in him, even with the darkness between them she knew he was uncomfortable. She’d put him into a situation where he needed to make a choice, and while she took comfort in the fact that this time she had, in fact, afforded him the option of choice, she still felt a bit bad about acting as if she had any right to demand anything of him.

Her free hand raised up slowly, and before she could talk herself out of it, she cupped his cheek in her palm. The light stubble there scratched at her palm, and she wondered, for a moment, how it might feel to press a kiss there.

She flushed at the thought, grateful for the cover of darkness.

She felt his head tip, ever so slightly, into the touch. Her fingers tingled at the encouragement of the contact, and she let her thumb run across the top of his cheekbone, watching as he closed his eyes.

He sighed. It was a soft and quiet thing. She thought maybe even a relenting sound.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I’ll stay here with you tonight.”

***

He wasn’t sure why he’d agreed to her demand that he stay the night with her. Really it wasn’t a demand per say. It had seemed like one at first, but then she’d pleaded, and touched him so gently, and he couldn’t say no. It had been hard to see her expression in the dark, but he had been able to feel the need heavy in the air between them.

He never really knew what was proper. She was his wife, but she was in many ways, still a stranger. Spending the night in the same space as her didn’t feel right to his conscious.

You did stay the night with her on your wedding night.

He tried to tell himself that it was different, because they’d fallen asleep together by accident, and this was an act with intention. He tried to sooth his concerns with the promise that he’d sleep on the floor and leave the bed to her, but he already had the feeling that she wouldn’t stand for it.

His bed was so small though. He wasn’t sure that they would both fit in it without being so tight together that she would surely be uncomfortable.

She wasn’t uncomfortable touching your cheek. She wasn’t uncomfortable in your lap.

He closed the door of the stable behind him, thinking of it as the point of no return as he walked back towards his home. The light from the lantern in his hand flickered gently in a light breeze that buffeted the dark grass below his feet. In the window of the cabin he saw the outline of Anna, his wife, watching him return.

A nearly identical lamp sat in the windowsill before her, and he watched as it danced in return. Her hair looked even redder than normal, lit only by firelight.

He’d never thought about the type of woman he’d marry, but now that he was wedded to Anna, he couldn’t help but be charmed by her. She had bright eyes and a soft smile. Her personality was pure sunshine, dulled only by moments of deep melancholy that he was unsure if he could yet ask her about. He wanted to know her better, in a variety of ways. But seeing her now, waiting for him in just her underclothes, red hair like flames loose around her shoulders, he thought that he might want to know her in one very specific way.

He hoped that she couldn’t see his flush as he tried to think about anything but how easy it would be to slip her chemise from her shoulders. She’d already rid herself of her corset.

You’ve barely known her three days.

He huffed a sigh and tried to regain control of his thoughts.

She’s three years younger than you. She’s young and beautiful and stuck with you. Don’t think of impossible things.

Instead he forced himself to walk towards the front door with no intentions beyond maybe some conversation if she’d like, and sleeping.

And maybe hugging her goodnight.

He thought that maybe she’d like that.

***

Anna’s heart raced as he returned indoors and quietly and quickly removed his boots, his vest, his socks, and then nothing else. He grabbed a spare quilt from the end of his bed, passing her as he went, but saying nothing as he set it on the floor.

“What are you doing?”

He looked at her, and she noticed that he was flushed. She wasn’t certain of why, but she assumed that it was because she’d caught him in the act of something she wouldn’t approve of. She wouldn’t disapprove of much at the moment, save for him trying to sleep in the stables again, or perhaps on the floor.

“Getting ready for bed.”

The answer was a quiet one, simple. He gave her no more information than she asked for. It made her want to stomp over to him and drag him across the room, to the bed and keep him there all night.

“On the floor?”

He shrugged and she frowned. She could feel a wall building between them, one that hadn’t been there before dinner or before he’d gone out to take care of Sven for the night. It was frustrating, the feeling that they’d finally come to some kind of middle ground, where they were opening up to each other and then to watch it slip out of reach again.

“The bed’s not big enough for the both of us.”

“I think you might be surprised,” she said, glancing between him and the bed, “You’ll find I can take up very little space if the situation requires.”

I spent my whole childhood virtually invisible. You’ll see how small I can be.

“You won’t be comfortable with me there… I’m just trying to do the right thing Anna.”

“Don’t I get a say in what the right thing is?”

She felt something in her stomach tangle into knots. It had been a long day, and now she was fighting with him over something that shouldn’t matter at all. It was just that she wasn’t ready to be alone yet, even if it was just a few feet away. She wanted him closer.

I just want to pretend, just for tonight, that this is a real marriage.

I just want to be wanted.

Hot tears stung at her eyes, not for the first time that day. She did her best to hold them back, but she was feeling conflicted and frustrated and embarrassed. They were strangers, and she wanted him in bed with her. She knew that she should feel worse about it, that she should stop arguing and just go to sleep because he was being a good man to her and she couldn’t demand that he change his views on their union, but she couldn’t tell herself that her feelings weren’t real and she couldn’t pretend anymore that she wasn’t feeling something for him, even three days into their marriage of convenience.

He stared at her, and she thought that she saw a flare of frustration in his eyes. She couldn’t call it anger though. He was still a stranger, but he was her husband and as much as she knew of him, she already understood that he wasn’t going to be angry with her. Not over being upset after a long day, so for the first time in a long time she decided just to let loose.

“Do you know when the last time anyone asked me what I thought was right for me? The last time that anyone asked me to make any decisions about my life that mattered? Because the answer is never. I can see that clearly now that I have all my early memories back, which, you know, my parents consented to having removed and never replaced until now when, thankfully, I ended up married to the one man in the world that had a connection that let me get them back. No one has ever let me decide what was right for me a day in my life Kristoff and fighting back against that nearly got me and my sister killed. It’s the reason why we’re married, because I tried to make a choice, screwed up my one and only shot at it, and people I barely know convinced my sister they knew what was best for me. You don’t have to change your decisions because I want to be free to make mine, but I would appreciate it if I could be included in the conversation over whether something involving me is right or wrong.”

She was shouting, but her throat felt tight. She knew that the heat on her cheeks was from tears, but she didn’t bother to wipe them away.

You sound like a petulant child.

It was true. She did, but she refused to feel bad about it. She’d been unable to throw a good fit since she was very small, and somehow despite probably alienating her husband in the process, it felt good to just let some of the frustration and rage escape. Of course she still knew that her memories being taken from her was a necessity, but it was just another broken straw in the wake of how her parents had raised her, how her family had paved the road to her current hell with nothing but good intentions and no willingness to see past the end of their noses to ask her what she needed.

“I’m…”

She couldn’t say she was sorry.

I’m angry. I’m frustrated. I’m lonely and confused and I need someone.

She heard him approaching her, but she couldn’t look up to meet his eye. She still wasn’t sorry, but she was embarrassed.

He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against his chest, warm and solid.

She wrapped her arms around him in return, bringing herself into his space as much as possible until she was crying into his shirt and melting into his frame while his hands ran up and down her back. There was a nervousness and uncertainty to the slow and stuttering way he touched her, as if he was afraid of letting his hands move too quickly, or too low.

It was comforting nevertheless, and she let herself breathe through it. When one hand found her hair, she squeezed him a bit tighter, encouraging the touch. No one had ever just touched her hair before. Or at least not since she was very young.

When he carded his fingers through it gently, fingertips smoothing over the ripples her braids had left, she focused on the feeling of the strands being lifted and shifted. It was easier to breathe when she made him her focus. Every time she’d broken down over the last three days, he’d been there to help her through it. While there were people in her life that loved her dearly, she’d never had anyone care so much about how she was feeling minute by minute.

“I’m sorry,” he said gently when her hiccupping breaths had evened out, “You’re right. I should have asked you what you wanted, or at least told you why I didn’t want to share the bed with you. I’m not used to my decisions affecting other people.”

She let herself lean away from his now dampened shirt front, but his arms didn’t lift from her, his hand shifting from her hair back down to the center of her back where the other hand already rested. She didn’t let him go either but loosened her grip slightly so that they could create enough space between them for her to see his face.

He looked worried, but the frustration in his features was gone, replaced again by a softness she was beginning to regard as a look he reserved for her. Maybe it was just wishful thinking, but imagining that he was warming up to her, that their closeness today meant as much to him as it meant to her. Imagining it brought her some comfort.

“I didn’t mean to unload on you,” she said, sniffling a bit as she regained control over her breathing fully and worked to dislodge the feeling of tightness in her throat.

“I think that’s part of what being married is,” he replied, “Listening to the other person when they need to get something off their chest.”

As much as she’d thought about weddings and being married as a kid, she’d never really thought much about what it meant to be married. She liked the idea that he would listen to her when she needed to vent, and she thought that maybe she could do that for him too.

“Do you have anything you need to say to me… I think I’m a good listener.”

As long as I’m not distracted.

He pulled her back into the hug a little tighter and she squeezed him in return.

“Sure, but it’s not urgent.” He replied, his voice low and warm. Calming.

“I think you might have some more to say first? I’m not going to pry, but I didn’t know what was going to happen with my family, and I think that if what just happened to you happened to me, I’d need to talk about it. You don’t have to. I just thought you might want to.”

She nodded. She had five years’ worth of memories to unpack, to disentangle from lies she’d believed for thirteen years. Having someone to listen sounded nice.

“But maybe bed first?” he asked, sounding uncertain.

***

He’d done his best to explain to her why he’d tried to take up residence on the floor without her, leaving her in the bed. He hadn’t wanted to make her uncomfortable in either the physical or mental sense. He hadn’t wanted to assume that being married promised him a spot at her side, even if it was in his bed. He hadn’t wanted her to sleep on the floor either.

Now though he was starting to realize that Anna’s idea of what was right for their relationship was certainly feeling right to him.

He was shirtless, her tears had soaked his shirt and it had been her insistence that he’d removed it. At the time he’d thought that he’d seen her eyes linger on his bare torso, and while it was probably just his overactive imagination, he thought that she’d appeared to be enjoying what she was seeing.

I want my wife to be attracted to me. I think I do at least. I know I’m attracted to her.

She was sleeping, her head rested on his bare chest like a pillow, curled up at his side in a way that he was certain would cause a crick in her neck in the morning. He didn’t want to move an inch, his arm was draped over her, a thin quilt and her chemise all that separated them.

She’d told him so much about her life, what it was like to grow up in the castle. Even with her memories returned to her, which she’d described as uncomfortable but not the worst thing she’d ever been through, she couldn’t recall much of what life had been like before the gates had been closed. It made sense to him, as he couldn’t remember much about his life before the trolls took him in, and he’d been eight at the time.

She’d exhausted herself describing the details of what it was like to grow up the way she had, and he hadn’t argued when she’d pulled him to bed with her. He understood that she didn’t want to be alone, and he couldn’t deny how good it felt to hold her in his arms.

He already liked her, and as she nuzzled into his chest and let out a little snore, he realized, with a barely contained chuckle, that he was looking forward to loving her.

He closed his eyes and tried his best to fall asleep as she had, holding her tight to his side.

[cryforwin]

Timida part 3: Roger Taylor x OC

sorry it took so long college is kicking my ass rn but thank you for all the support y’all have given me i’m going to start writing the next part rn thank y’all - bennie <3

T/w: body dysmorphia, talks of anxiety and depression, cussing

MICKEY

Throughout the night you woke up a total of 4 times getting frustrated you sat up and stared at the clock 4:13 in the afternoon. You flopped back on the bed, you should’ve gone to bed earlier.

You swung your legs to the edge of your bed and hopped down popping your back as you made your way to your shower. You turned on the hot water and let it run while you stripped yourself of your clothes. You turned yourself toward the mirror staring at your body, oh it was going to be one of those days. You turned from side to side checking your figure and felt the tears start to form in your eyes. 

You stepped into your shower and started to cry while the hot water hit your back. You always got these weird mood swings where you felt like shit and wanted to hide from the world, you would say these mood swings happened at least once a week. You know you probably needed some type of help for it but as of right now you didn’t have the time or the funds to deal with that. 

You spent a little extra time in the shower resulting in the hot water running out and turning freezing cold. You groaned and turned it off grabbing a towel to dry your body, when you were leaving the restroom you made sure to avoid looking in the mirror. 

You grabbed a different big t-shirt to use as pajamas and threw on a random pair of house shorts and headed to your work area to finish whatever orders you didn’t start on last night.

Making quick work with the simple alterations you sat bored after folding the last article of clothing nicely. You got up from your desk and walked around your small apartment trying to find something to keep you occupied until it was time to call Roger.

Deciding you should make an early dinner you went to your kitchen area in your flat. The flat itself was small and the only way you could describe it was tolerable. It was one bed, one bathroom flat the only reason why you ended up signing your lease was that it was cheap and had an open living room area so you can set up all your work stuff there. But that also meant that your living room was always a mess with scrap fabric on the floor, 2 working mannequins plus the broken one being propped up by the wall, your huge old sewing machine that was way too loud, and a wardrobe that you found on the street that you cleaned and kept some spare fabric and clothes in.

You decided that you were going to make chicken and rice, you would’ve had beans but you ran out a week ago and never got the time to go get groceries. As you seasoned your chicken you made a promise to yourself that you would go get groceries tomorrow. 

Then your phone rang.

“Shit,” you said while you left your chicken on the stove, quickly checking the time before you answered 6:05 it seemed too early for it to be Roger.

“Hello?” you said to the phone wondering who it could be.

“Mickey?”

“Oh hey Roger, I wasn’t expecting you to call this early,” 

“Yeah, sorry about that.” he signed into the receiver “Remember when I told you yesterday how we had a really good practice, well today was shit.”

“I’m sorry about that Roger, what happened?”

“Well, Brian and I couldn’t get on the same page to save our lives he kept insisting that there needed to be a guitar solo in every fucking song when there really shouldn’t.” 

He kept his rant going for a few minutes talking about solos and songs you just tried to keep up with the names and strange vocabulary he was using. It wasn’t until you started to smell burning when you remembered your chicken on the stove.

“Fucking shit hold on Roger.” you dropped the phone and ran to the chicken taking the pan off the burner. The chicken was black on the bottom and stuck to the pan.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” you did your best to scrape the chicken in the trash but some stayed stuck you would have to deal with that later. You turned your rice off before that could burn too, you guess rice for dinner would do.

You threw the pan in the sink and turned on the water and watched the steam come off the pan, you never had this happen before you were a pretty good cook it came naturally after your mother made you help her cook for your whole family. But burning something if she could see you now she would be so disappointed, well she’s always disappointed in you nothing you could do to change that.

You turned off the water and went back to the phone.

“Hey sorry about that.” you sighed into the phone

“Is everything okay Mickey? You really had me worried.”

“Everything is fine now I had started making chicken right before you called and I didn’t keep an eye on it but now it’s burnt.” 

“This is all my fault, I bored you with all my stupid problems.”

“No, you didn’t! I should’ve known better.”

“You have to let me make it up to you.” 

You paused for a second. “Don’t be silly it’s just chicken.”

“Let me take you for dinner.”

“I- When?” you said softly

“Right now.”

You didn’t say anything, you weren’t ready or anything like that.

“Unless you don’t want to go that’s okay too.”

You panicked “No, I would love to it’s just that I look like a mess right now.”

“I bet you’re lying, I want to see you Mickey please let me take you for dinner. If not for me then for the poor chicken you just burned.”

You laughed. “Okay then.”

“Great, what’s your address I’ll pick you up.”

You stopped, was it smart to give him your address? No. 

“Or we can meet there Mickey. I’m fine with either.” 

You didn’t have a car, you knew how to drive and all that but after one time where your mom yelled at you for making too sharp of a turn you always got nervous when you got behind the wheel. So you walked or biked everywhere now. 

You decided to give him your address and in the worst-case scenario maybe Dayla would tell the police it was Roger who murdered you. But you doubt that would happen. He said he’ll be there in fifteen and that you didn’t live far from each other.

You rushed to get ready putting on black jeans and another t-shirt much like the same outfit you first saw him in except this time you decided to put on a little mascara and to fill in your eyebrows.

While you were tying your shoes you heard the buzzer “Hey Mick it’s Roger can you buzz me in?”

Your heart fluttered at the new nickname he had for you “Yeah Roger, I’ll meet you down there.” as you buzzed him in.

You practically ran to the elevator cursing it for taking so long and once it opened at the lobby you saw him there looking extremely good and with flowers in hand.

“Roger!” You called him over.

“Hey Mick, these are for you,” he said as he handed you a bouquet of carnation flowers.

“Thank you so much!” you said as you grabbed them he looked down at you and you leaned into him for a short embrace. 

“Would you like to come up for a bit so I can put these in water,” you asked hoping he wouldn’t get the wrong idea.

“Yeah of course.”

You both took the elevator back to your floor in comfortable silence and then you walked him to your door.

“It’s a bit of mess right now and it still smells burnt.” You said as you opened the door.

He took a look around as he walked in “I like it.”

“You don’t have to lie Roger.” you laughed as you filled a vase with water.

“I’m not I like it, it’s cozy even with the burnt smell,” he said as he grinned at you.

“Please don’t remind me.” You groaned as you set the flower vase on the small dining table you had.

He laughed and walked toward your living room “Oh wow.”

“Yeah, that was the mess I was talking about.” you cringed at how it must look.

“This is where you work?” 

You shook your head yes.

He walked to the dress you made last night hanging on the mannequin.

“Did you do this?” he asked eyes wide. 

“Yeah.”

“Like you made it made it, not like hemmed it or anything,” he said not believing you.

“Yeah, look.” you flipped the back of the dress to show the custom made tags your aunt had made for you when you lived with her. The tag said “Luci’s Attire” it was the best idea you had at the time.

“Wow, this is really good Mickey like for real.”

You grinned at him it felt good being seen. 

“Thank you, Roger.” You smiled at him.

“Hey, before we go is it okay if I use your bathroom before we go?”

“Yeah of course.” You led him to the bathroom and told him you would be in the living room.

You decided to crack open a window to help get rid of the burnt smell feeling less nervous about hanging out with Roger. 

You both left your apartment building shoulders touching feeling the cool September air blow through your hair. He opened the door to his car with a huge smile on his face. You gave a soft thanks and sat in his car. 

The car itself was really nice probably the nicest car you have ever been in. The outside was painted in a sleek black and the inside leather was all red. You were honestly scared to touch anything so you kept your hands on your lap. Roger got in the driver’s seat and turned to you.

“Is it okay if we go to this place I know they serve the best Italian food.”

“The best?” you said with an eyebrow raised.

“Well, the best I had, actually maybe we should go somewhere else.” He said while reversing.

“No, I would like to go actually.” You said laughing

“I don’t think it’s a good idea now Mick-”

“Please Roger.” You said with a pleading voice.

He did a quick double-take at you and gave a small smile.

He turned the dial of his radio to change the channel.

“What kind of music do you like listening to?” he asked

“Can I be honest?” you said low

“Yes please.”

“I like American music.” You said laughing.

“AMERICAN MUSIC! Mickey you have got to be kidding me!”

“I’m sorry Roger I don’t know why I’m just obsessed with America for some reason.”

“Mickey we are probably living in the best era of music in Great Britain and you choose America. It’s simply not patriotic of you.” 

“Well, I’m not from the UK Roger! Also, I could’ve sworn you put on more of an accent than you really have on ” you said laughing

“I did not! Don’t change the subject either!”

“Yes, you did you said ‘Amerikah’ like you were the Queen herself.”

“Ok maybe but come on Mickey!”

“I like music from here too, the first song I heard that was in English was the Beatles.”

“And you think American music is better?!”

“Just purely because I have this fascination with America. And I do like music from here and Spain and Italy it has nothing to do with-”

“Alright alright alright, but I’ll show you some real music.”

He pulled into the Italian restaurant and of course, it was named “Giovanni’s Italian Restaurant” You almost rolled your eyes. 

“Let’s go,” he said with a smile as he opened your door for you.

Taglist <3: @johnricharddeacy

[oohfluffy]

TIHM Ch.18 | BBH

Group: EXO

Member: Byun Baekhyun

Theme: Angst | Fluff | Rated M | University!AU | Football!AU

Word Count: 3,066

chapter 18

Blinking your eyes rapidly, you realized that you must have spent almost an hour in the washroom. Baekhyun is just gazing at you with those gentle eyes as he calmly combs your hair through his fingers.

Jisoo unnie must be worried.

You cleared your throat while you looked away from his melting gaze, cheeks turning red as you remembered—

"I-I think we should go out already. I'm fine now." You smiled at the side, slightly pushing Baekhyun's arms away from your body. He's been hugging your waist for a while now, and you feel like you've been caught in a trap. "We'll just clean up for a bit, and... we can go home."

He just tilted his head, trying to catch your eyes as you stood up straight. 

"Hmm, okay. I'll help."

You looked up at him for a moment, letting him look back into your eyes. You noticed that his lips were almost frowning as if he was displeased about...was it that?

He didn't like it? Is he disappointed that I didn't...respond? Or was he expecting a full-blown make out session? Oh geez, what the hell am I thinking?!

You quickly moved away from him and trudged back to the door. Your heart instantly pounded hard on your chest as you thought that he was not satisfied with it. 

You've got it bad, Saejin. 

You didn't wait for him to speak again, and went to the counter, where Jisoo was cleaning at. When she saw you, she halted wiping the glass and walked towards you with her worried eyes. You smiled.

"I'm alright, unnie. What happened back there was just a...personal issue. I'm sorry for that."

"That's not what I'm bothered about, okay? You were being ridiculed there, aren't you? Did they do something—" You instantly shook your head at the questions that Jisoo was throwing at you.

"No, they didn't. It's just a misunderstanding, unnie." You dismissed her questions as you went to the tables to help Yeonjun put the chairs up. "I'll clean up there."

You knew Baekhyun was going to help around you, so you started putting up the chairs in the farthest area, where Yeonjun has not gone to yet. Jisoo just huffed as she watched you escape her. She understood that the issue was not something she could easily touch though.

You were grateful that Baekhyun was silent as you both cleaned up, saving you from answering any questions that you do not really want to hear right now. You swiftly placed the chairs upside down on top of the table, looking under the surface after. 

"Hyunjin, there are still plates over there! Get moving!" You heard Woobin exclaim inside the kitchen area. Poor boy.

"Ah yes, ma'am. We're closing already." Jisoo spoke through the phone, nodding her head as she walked around the counter. It's probably Aunt Jinah, checking if the cafe was still intact even without her. "There's been no..." She glanced at you. "...complications today. Yes, I'll do so."

Yeonjun, who was mopping the floor nearby, looked up at you before glancing at your back. There were no chairs left on the ground, so you thought of grabbing the window wiper from the table. 

"I'll clean the windows—"

"I'll do it." Baekhyun cut you off as he beat you to it, taking the wiper swiftly along with a cloth. You gaped at him as you watched him quickly do the work, acting like a professional cleaner of windows. Yeonjun just shrugged as he continued mopping the floor, leaving you to yourself.

I can't get used to this. He's stealing my duties as always!

You frowned at your thought before grabbing another wet cloth to wipe the tables.

"Thank you for your hard work today!" Jisoo cheered as Hyunjin locked the entrance door. Woobin already went ahead, and the rest of you just finished cleaning up. You glanced at your crew mates, noticing that Mingyu was not around. 

"Is it Mingyu's day off as well?" You asked while walking away with Jisoo. Somi has caught a cold, so she took a day off. Luckily, Woobin and Jisoo have knowledge on brewing to cover for the baristas earlier.

"Family matters. He's got issues with his current family." Jisoo shrugged, and clearly, she doesn't really know much about it. "He rarely talks about his personal life, so we have no idea what's with him."

Such a cheerful guy with a complicated past, huh?

"Your boyfie seems upset?" 

As soon as she mentioned that, your head went to where Baekhyun was.

Really, Saejin? That's your boyfie?

His phone on his ear as he listened to the other line, his other arm flexing as his hand gripped on his waist. You could see his jaw line with the shadow casted on his face by the lamp post as he looked up at the sky with his troubled eyes. Eyebrows knitting, he talked back to the person on the other line.

"I don't want to. I already told you."

You hesitantly said your goodbye to the crew before walking silently towards Baekhyun's car. Finding it quite rude to just enter the car, you stopped by the side just as he looked at where you are.

"I'll just call later." He said, hanging up on his phone instantly. You frowned.

"You could have finished talking to...whoever that was. I could wait."

Baekhyun shook his head as he went to your side, opening the door for you. You could still see that he was tense and frustrated by his expression. You bit your lip before getting inside the car, choosing not to ask unwanted questions that might irritate him more.

His gaze lingered on you for a moment, making you look up to him in wonder. His lips curled into a smile as if to assure you that he was fine and there is no problem. Your eyes stared into his, trying to uncover what was hidden beneath.

"I know that look, Saejin-ah. You're curious." Baekhyun chuckled as he patted your head before moving away to close the door. "It's nothing." 

You watched as he went to the driver's seat and sat down. Your lips slightly pouted while you turned on the radio. Mellow music instantly played as the dj of the late night station said his commentaries. It was already past 11 pm, and the streets were slowly getting quieter and emptier.

You hesitantly looked at Baekhyun as he drove while humming to a song. He's acting so casually as if nothing happened earlier. 

As if he didn't kiss you out of nowhere.

Maybe it wasn't that special? He did it to other girls often, so maybe—

You felt your blood boiling at the thought, making you look away from his beautiful side profile. How can someone be so hot while driving a frickin' car anyway? You groaned at yourself.

When you saw the familiar street, you gripped on your bag tight to prepare yourself. You were internally making a script of what you'll be saying to Baekhyun later when the car stopped in front of your apartment building. You cleared your throat as you unbuckle your seatbelt.

"Uhm..." You tried starting your speech as you sat up straight. "Thank you for today, Baekhyun-ah."

What was the next line, Saejin?! What?!

"Uh, I..." Your fingers gripped on your bag tighter as you glanced at him. He was cautiously looking at your face. "...I appreciate what you did earlier."

WHAT? THE KISS HE GAVE YOU? 

"W-When you comforted me back there." You instantly added as you saw his lips twitching. He must have read your mind. You forced a smile as you felt your cheeks burning for the nth time tonight, thumb pointing outwards. "I-I'll go now."

You thought that he wouldn't speak and just nod his head, until he did.

"I want you so bad, Lee Saejin."

If your eyes could get any bigger than Kyungsoo's eyes, they would already have right now. Your lips parted as you looked back at him. His eyes were gentle as usual, and his tensed shoulders earlier were now relaxed.

He said it so softly that you wouldn't have heard it if not for the silence in the car.

"I want you so bad, to the point that I consider your worries as mine." Baekhyun said as he let out a sigh. "I just...I just want you to know that I won't disappear as you expect me to. I don't need you to give me anything, just this chance is more than enough."

His fingers grasped your own, caressing the skin he could touch. You almost shivered at his gaze.

"I'll keep on wanting you, remember that."

He didn't say anything about the kiss, or what happened earlier in the cafe. You didn't know if you're thankful or disappointed about that, but one thing's for sure...

You truly have fallen for this guy.

—

"Let me have that."

You grunted as Baekhyun took your lunch box from your hands, a grin on his face. You both sat on the floor where you usually hang out. It was his lunch break as well, and he was already waiting by your room earlier. You had no choice but to let him come with you in your safe haven.

You had a choice, Saejin. You just want him to come.

"Hmm." He hummed as he chewed on the pasta you cooked for lunch. Your eyes lingered at his lips as he nodded his head. "It's good! Wow. I didn't know you cook so well."

You unconsciously smiled at his pouty lips. 

So cute.

Baekhyun's eyebrows raised in curiosity, and at the same time, giddiness. He watched as you just sat there and was so pretty in his eyes, making him put down your container. You glanced at his eyes, wondering why he stopped eating.

"You had enough? Let me eat." You said as you reached for your lunch. Before you got to touch the box, he lifted it up. You stumbled by his lap, both hands supporting your almost fall. You let out a relieved breath as you managed to balance yourself.

Until you realized that you were face to face with his crotch.

You blinked numerous times as you slowly looked up at him, eyes travelling from his broad chest up to his throat. You watched him swallow, making you clear your throat in embarrassment. You instantly pulled yourself up, leaning back against the wall as close as possible. (some tension here huh)

"S-Sorry." You mumbled as you took out your jug of water, placing your whole attention to the poor jug. You drank continuously as Baekhyun placed down the container, his eyes carefully watching your move. 

Oh god, why is it so quiet? Where is my pianist when I need him?!

"Can I have some water?"

You almost jumped at his sudden request. You looked down at your jug hesitantly before giving it to him. He gratefully took it and drank...from your jug. Where you placed your lips at. 

WHY ARE YOU THINKING THIS WAY, SAEJIN?!

You looked away from his tempting drinking session, and let your eyes rest on the hallway. You found a good topic to drift away from thinking about how Baekhyun drank water from your jug. Before looking away, you unfortunately caught a glimpse of his slender neck tilting up as he—

"I heard you are from the Music Department with Kyungsoo sunbae and Chanyeol sunbae. You play instruments?" You cut off your thought before it drifts to something inappropriate with a question. In the corner of your eyes, you saw him place down your jug on the floor beside him. You played with your fingers while darting your gaze towards the doors on the corridor, pretending to be interested in the rooms. 

"Hmm, I do. I sing as well." Baekhyun answered in a low voice, almost making you look back at him in curiosity. "Most of my block mates do."

"You play, huh?" You jutted your lower lip as you hesitated asking about the pianist you favored.

"Yep, like the piano."

With that, your head snapped towards him. Baekhyun swore that your eyes twinkled at the mention of the piano. He wondered if you like playing the piano too. Noticing his surprise, you calmed yourself internally.

"Do all of you know how to?" You slowly asked, staring at his chin instead of his eyes. 

I can't stare at his lips too.

"Some of us. Others play the violin, guitar, cello, flute, and etcetera. I prefer piano though." 

"Does anyone play the piano when it's break?" Baekhyun tilted his head in wonder as you asked the question. "I mean, you have a whole place for you to use anytime. That must be great."

Unconsciously, your eyes went up to his lips as you were talking. You saw how his lips pouted cutely as he hummed. You didn't even notice that he was already less than 10 cm away from you as he moved closer to your space.

"Hmm, we do play the piano when we have time." Baekhyun quietly answered, leg touching yours as he kept on moving towards you. "I mostly occupy the piano room though."

He does? 

"Really?" You couldn't help but to voice out your thoughts, making him smile at the interest you were showing him. Your eyebrows scrunched in focus as you try to imagine him sitting in front of a piano, gliding his fingers on the right keys with a sensual grin on his face.

Hmm, passable.

"Do you want to hear me play, baby?" You heard Baekhyun whisper in your ear, making you jump in surprise. You looked at him incredulously as he innocently smiled at you. "You look like you're really into piano."

I wonder if he is my favorite pianist. 

"It's not like that. I just appreciate the sounds it makes." You stared into his eyes, liking the gentleness they reflect towards you as usual. "It keeps me sane."

"Sane?" Baekhyun chuckled before grabbing your hand. He took your bag from your side with your jug as he pulled you up. "I'll show you how playing the piano makes girls insane, babe."

"Pfft." You laughed at his words as you gripped on your lunch box, following his lead to the hallway. "That didn't sound cool, it sounded funny for me!"

"I'll make you crazy for me, Saejin. Watch out for that." He smirked as he pulled you closer, making you groan and laugh at the same time. Baekhyun couldn't do anything but smile at your adorable laughs.

He was contented with that.

He easily opened the door, and led you inside the room you've been wanting to enter since day 1. You can finally see what's behind the door clearly.

"Woah, such pretty instruments." You mumbled as you looked around the well-lit area. You've already caught a glimpse of these things through the glass door, but it's different when you can see them in front of you. "These are amazing."

Baekhyun quickly checked the grand piano, preparing himself to show-off his skill to you. It was the first time he wanted to be praised by someone who isn't a professor nor a judge, to be seen as an amazing pianist by someone he likes.

Your gaze drifted towards the piano, where Baekhyun is already at. You slowly walked towards him, watching as he slid his slender fingers against the smooth surface of the piano keys. You're looking forward to what kind of sounds he can make.

That sounded so dirty. Sounds he can make, huh?

You almost hit yourself to avoid thinking about it, when Baekhyun pressed a key. Instantly, your attention was fully on him. You forgot everything else, but him, on the piano with his lips parting.

And then, his voice filled the air effortlessly along with the beautiful melody that the piano produced by his fingers.

"I may seem strong, I may be smiling"

His eyes closed as he sang, making your own widen in awe.

"But there are many times when I'm alone"

Your lips twitched.

"I may seem like I don't have any worries, but I have a lot to say"

It was like you were in another world, where it was only you and him. 

"The moment I first saw you, I was so attracted to you"

"I didn't weigh out my thoughts and just talked"

Was it his voice? Or the way he plays the instrument?

"The answer is you" 

As he said those words, his eyes opened, staring directly into your eyes. Your heart felt like it needed to get out of your chest or it would explode.

"My answer is you"

You slowly lifted your lips into a smile as Baekhyun stared at you with so much adoration and sincerity in his eyes. He sings so damn well, this playboy.

"I showed you my everything, you are my everything"

His fingers left the keys as he sang the last words.

"Because I am so certain of you"

You clapped as he ended his showcasing of talent with a bow. You nodded in approval while chuckling in delight. He did well.

"Wow, Mr. Byun plays so well." You said as he shrugged in confidence, making you shake your head this time. "How humble."

"Want to learn from the best?" He patted the space next to him. "This is the first time I'll be teaching someone how to play."

"Tss, unbelievable. You surely used that strategy before to lure girls into your web, Baekhyun." You said, but was already walking to the seat he has presented to you. 

"I swear, babe, I don't even play my pieces in front of people other than audiences or when in class." He pouted as he looked up at you with those puppy eyes. He is hypnotizing you this way, isn't he? That can't be real. Not him.

"Whatever you say." You shrugged as you sat beside him. You couldn't help but let out an excited hum when you touched the piano keys, feeling their smoothness beneath your fingers. "Okay, Mr. Byun, teach me."

Baekhyun's eyes formed half-crescent moons as he watched you touching his beloved piano with a delighted expression. He smirked.

He's probably digging his own grave right now by tempting himself like this.

"First, you need to kiss me, so I could teach you well."

—

Tagging my loves: ❤ 

@nissybyun | @byuncock​ | @neogoturback | @jisungispilledmyuwus | @shesdreaminginoverdose | @precious-seungwooya | @junmyeonimissyou | @baekhyunsdangerouswoman​ | @jummyjammy | @itsbaekhyunsbutt​​ | @lalalala-lav | @thoughtsofidk | @byuniieo | @feline-xiu | @banddits | @half-moon-x | @byunxo | @strawbaeri-s | @vishary15 | @hansolturnt | @jungkooksworld18 | @byunniebaekhyunnie​ | @kingkushdealer | @chloebarlin | @marovekian1 | @chloebarlin​

—

♫ Ch.19

[freehawaii]

THIS IS WHY WE DO WHAT WE DO

The following is an unabridged version of the article entitled “My Travels With A Hula Legend” that was written by Mr. Nathan Nāpōkā and published in Wailea Magazine Spring/Summer 2016. 

OVERVIEW 

Traditional hula traces its beginnings to Hawai‘i’s mythic past. Many traditions say that the gods were the first hula performers. These gods provided the inspiration for mankind who in turn created an earthly tradition of dance. In pre western times hula followed a strict religious protocol. Practitioners worshipped at an altar with elaborate rituals. They venerated the deity of the hula, Laka, who could be both male and female in nature. Chiefs usually kept their own circle of chanters and dancers whose job it was to honor the gods and in turn celebrate their chiefly patrons. 

Today’s hula students can choose to learn a wide variety of hula types. Modern dances performed with music and vocals are often called “‘auana”. The more classical dances are called “kahiko” which literally means old or ancient. These kahiko dances are often accompanied by a gourd or sharkskin drum. All forms of hula, old or new, are performed with words either sung or chanted. Hula does not exist without a poetic text. So the dancer is actually an extension of the poetry, embellishing those words with the visual impact of interpretive movement. 

Over the past forty years there has been a worldwide explosion of interest in hula. Most people are content with sitting back and watching, while others cultivate a deeper interest in hula by becoming students of the dance. These students usually join a hālau, or hula school. These schools are sprouting up all over the world. In Japan alone, according to a recent estimate, there are 400,000 students of the hula. 

KEAHI-THE FIRE 

Shortly after the arrival of Christian missionaries in 1819, hula was denounced as an evil remnant of Hawai‘i’s pagan past. With the conversion of a majority of Hawaiians to Christianity, hula went into decline. During the reign of King Kalākaua (1874-1891) hula performances were once again encouraged and hula experienced a comeback. Kalākaua’s wife, Queen Kapi‘olani travelled throughout the Kingdom encouraging her people to propagate a healthy generation of Hawaiians. On a trip to Kaua‘i in 1885, Queen Kapi‘olani saw a promising young dancer and Kapi‘olani recommended that this girl, Keahi-nuiokaluaoPele (The Great Fire in the Pit of Pele), be brought to Honolulu to live with her older sister, Kaleihulumamo, who had already settled there earning a name for herself as an accomplished dancer. Keahi moved to Honolulu at the age of eight and throughout her youth she travelled between Kaua‘i and O‘ahu learning from the greatest hula teachers of her time. She eventually married and settled in Honolulu, where she taught traditional hula and chant. As the twentieth century unfolded, she emerged as one of the most respected Hawaiian cultural authorities of the time. 

‘IOLANI LUAHINE 

As Keahi aged she realized that it was important for her to pass on her priceless knowledge of the hula to the next generation. She looked within her family for a pupil that she could train. Knowing that her nephew Manase and his wife Besse just had a child on January 31, 1915, she asked them if she could have this newly born daughter, Harriet Lanihau Makekau. After giving the proposal some thought Manase announced that Harriet would go to his Aunt Keahi to be trained in the traditional hula, his family’s legacy. At three months old Harriet was taken from Napo‘opo‘o, Hawai‘i Island to Honolulu where she was given in Hawaiian fashion to her grandaunt, Keahi, who became her hānai mother from that day forth. 

When Harriet arrived in Honolulu, Keahi noticed that the baby’s eyes were filled with mucous. No matter how much they wiped and cleaned the problem persisted. Keahi was worried and she summoned a kahuna to her home. The priestess sat and observed the baby and then asked for her name. When they told her that her name was Harriet Lanihau, the kahuna paused briefly then said, “That name is not right. She should be called ‘Iolani Luahine.” From that moment, her name was changed and her mucous filled eyes gradually cleared. She was now ‘Iolani, the soaring hawk of the heavens. 

‘IOLANI’S CHILDHOOD 

‘Iolani was exposed to hula from infancy but did not start formal training with Keahi until the age of four. She was taught all aspects of the dance. Her training was nonstop. Sometimes Keahi would invite a hula teacher to the house to spend time with ‘Iolani, exposing her to their style of hula. Keahi wanted her to experience the best teachers of the time in the same manner as Keahi was trained thirty five years earlier. When she was old enough to attend school, ‘Iolani was enrolled at St Andrew’s Priory. She attended school during the weekdays and most of her other time was spent with Keahi. Keahi filled ‘Iolani with her knowledge of traditional hula. ‘Iolani was a bright and free spirited child. Even at a young age she was extremely charismatic and anyone who saw her dance knew that she was destined for greatness. 

THE LEGEND EMERGES 

After graduating from high school, ‘Iolani worked at various jobs. She eventually ended up at the University of Hawai‘i where she studied to become a social worker. While at the University her life was forever changed when in 1937 her beloved hānai, Keahi, passed away. ‘Iolani was devastated. She was only 22. She left school and worked as a telephone operator during the day and she started dancing in Waikīkī at night. She loved entertaining and enjoyed performing. She was extremely successful. Wherever she performed people flocked to see her. She developed quite a following. There was something very unique about her style of dancing almost as if all of her ancestors including Keahi were supporting her on stage. 

As much as ‘Iolani loved the excitement of Waikīkī she always felt the need to pass on her knowledge of the traditional hula to the next generation. In 1947, she opened a hula school. By this time her eldest sister’s daughter, Helen Hoakalei Messer, was living with her and Hoakalei helped with the running of the hālau. ‘Iolani was especially happy to have a niece that she could train in hula. 

In the early 1950’s, ‘Io fell in love with a Honolulu artist, John MacMahon. They got married and moved to ‘Iolani’s birthplace, Napo‘opo‘o on Hawai‘i Island. The marriage was short lived. ‘Iolani realized that she missed dancing, her real passion in life. She also became aware that hula was also an important source of income. Her birth mother, Besse, later explained to her that because of her sacred dedication to hula, she was kapu and should not have considered marriage. ‘Iolani returned to Honolulu alone and continued dancing. In 1961 she moved to the Royal Mausoleum in Nu‘uanu, where she worked as curator for the next four years. 

By this time the world had taken notice of ‘Iolani. The great American modern dancer, Ted Shawn, saw ‘Iolani perform on one of his visits to Hawai‘i. He said: “She is an artist of world stature. Her knowledge of the old and almost lost repertory of the Hawaiian dance is probably unmatched; her technical ability to perform and project these dances is of the highest order.” She was invited to perform three times at the National Folk Festival in Washington D.C.. The State of Hawai‘i presented her with the Order of Distinction for her contribution in the arts. She was now recognized as one of Hawai‘i’s greatest treasures. 

RETURN TO HAWAI‘I ISLAND 

In the mid 1960’s ‘Iolani decided to move back to her birthplace in Napo‘opo‘o, Hawai‘i Island. She worked as curator for Hulihe‘e Palace in Kailua Kona and spent her time living between a cottage on the Palace grounds and her family home in Napo‘opo‘o. Her dream was to eventually have a school in Napo‘opo‘o where she could teach traditional hula and chant. Like Queen Kapi‘olani’s support for her hānai, Keahi, many years earlier, ‘Iolani also drew the attention of a royal patron, Princess Abigail Kekaulike Kawānanakoa, the great grandniece of Queen Kapi‘olani, who supported ‘Iolani by building her a new facility in Napo‘opo‘o, where ‘Iolani could open a traditional hula school. 

As she approached 60, ‘Io realized that the hula was going through significant changes. For the sake of continuity, she wanted the next generation to see the traditional dances as she learned them. Soon a plan was devised by Alfred Preis, who was the executive director for the State Foundation for Culture and the Arts. Preis believed in ‘Iolani’s artistic genius and wanted to do all within his power to support her desires as an artist. Preis was responsible for establishing a program with the State Department of Education called the Artist in the Schools Program. It was through this program that Preis found a way for ‘Iolani to fulfill her dream of sharing her legacy with the next generation of Hawai‘i’s school children. 

ARTIST IN THE SCHOOLS 

‘Io’s niece, Hoakalei called me in 1975 and asked if I was interested in travelling with her and her Aunt ‘Iolani , across Hawai‘i presenting a program of traditional hulas to the next generation. Aunty Hoakalei was my teacher and I was teaching her male hula classes at that time. I found out later that it was ‘Iolani who asked Hoakalei to approach me. They needed a narrator, male dancer and a person who could handle the logistics of the tour. I met Aunty ‘Iolani a few years earlier but this would be my first opportunity to spend time with her. I said “Of course” and shortly thereafter Hoakalei and I flew to Kona to work on the program with ‘Iolani. 

Aunty ‘Io was 60, at the time, but she danced with the agility and strength of someone years younger. At the end of a week of rehearsals my legs were trembling with exhaustion. ‘Io asked me how I was doing. She could see that I was tired. I said alright and she said “Good, because you have only begun to learn these dances…we have a long way to go.” 

When in Kona, I slept on the pūne’e on Aunty ‘Io’s porch at Hulihe‘e Palace while she and Hoakalei shared her bed inside the cottage. On the last day of rehearsals everyone retired very early after a poi supper. Somewhere in the dead of the night, ‘Io started chanting next to me on the porch. Aunty Hoakalei came out of the house and sat beside me on the pūne’e. We were told that we were going to see Tutu Pele. No questions asked, I grabbed my blanket and jumped in the backseat of the car while Hoakalei got the car keys and with Aunty ‘Io as co-pilot we made the long journey to Halema‘uma‘u Crater. Upon arriving at the crater we locked the car and followed the path to the crater rim. All was still. Aunty ‘Io made an offering to Pele and as she chanted her prayer, a massive fountain of lava gushed up from the floor of Halema’uma’u. I was scared. We were so close to the edge and I didn’t want anyone to get hurt. Aunty ‘Io started dancing and Hoakalei supported her with a chant. With Tutu’s acceptance of our offering the path was clear for our work to begin. 

HAWAI‘I’S KEIKI 

I heard a loud ”Hui…Nāpōkā”. It was Aunty ‘Io on the other side of the chain link fence that separated my dilapidated plantation cottage from the Bank of Hawai‘i parking lot. I grabbed my bags and paddle and climbed the step ladder over the fence and landed at the back of Hoakalei’s station wagon. We loaded up and were on our way to our first school program. Aunty ‘Io was dressed in a tan London Fog trench coat with a purple felt hat. She ran through a quick checklist with us as I settled into the car. No matter how set our program was, we all knew that the lineup could change in a minute, depending on Aunty ‘Io’s spirit. 

All three of us were visually challenged to some extent so when the final moment came to start the program and we removed our glasses we had to be ready to go with the flow. Many times we were expecting a certain hula and ‘Io would call out a completely different dance that I would have to give an introduction for and Hoakalei would have to be ready to chant. That was ‘Io. You had to always be prepared for the unexpected. She especially loved dancing for the elementary children and they adored ‘Iolani. We were warned that their attention spans would be short but this was never a problem when ‘Iolani danced. 

TRAVELLING WITH ‘IOLANI 

For the next two years we visited all the islands except for Ni‘ihau and Kaho‘olawe. We usually did an evening concert at some point so that the community at large could see ‘Iolani. Aunty ‘Io always had me checking on ticket prices. She wanted to be sure that our kama’āina could afford to come. Prices were always reasonable. 

On Maui we performed at the school in Ke‘anae and Hāna and while in Hāna we planned a concert for the community at Helene Hall down at the Harbor. We were staying at the teacher’s cottages at the old high school and we made sure to mix the poi and prepare a meal before leaving for the hall. Hāna did not have restaurants that would be open in the late evening. 

So many elderly Hawaiian faces filled the hall that evening, overflowing onto the lānai. They wouldn’t let ‘Io leave the stage. She was in her element. As one of her hana hou encores she unscrewed the long push mop handles backstage and throwing one to me we did a battle spear dance for Ka‘uiki Hill which rose just outside the stage door. She changed from a nimble cat like persona to a fierce warrior in a matter of seconds. She made it a point to tell me not to baby her in the dance. At the end of the dance my knuckles were bleeding and she brought the audience to their feet. Over a bowl of poi later in the evening, she explained that there was a point in time when very few men were interested in dancing. During that time some women carried some of the male dances to the next generation. She said, “When you have to be a man you just let it happen.”

 Midway through the tour, ‘Iolani suffered some serious medical setbacks. We paused and waited for her to recover from a surgery that temporarily hampered the movement on one side of her body. She was determined to gain her full motion back and using her hula implements. She danced until she completely regained control of her limbs. 

We spent time on Lāna‘i and then moved on to Moloka‘i where ‘Iolani’s sister, Dorothy Kahinu lived on Hawaiian Homestead land at Ho‘olehua. Before leaving the island we took all our leis to Kanakaloloa Cemetery near her sister’s home where ‘Iolani’s parents were buried. I stayed near the car while ‘Iolani and Hoakalei had a tearful graveside visit. 

‘Iolani’s health was unstable but she was determined to finish what she had started and over the next year we travelled to O‘ahu and Hawai‘i Island. We ended our tour on Kaua‘i. After making all of our appearances at the schools, we did an evening concert and planned to return to O‘ahu the next day. Early the next morning ‘Iolani wanted to go to Hā’ena to visit the hula heiau at Kē‘ē. We made a call to her friend, Imua, and set out for Hā’ena. We stopped in Hanalei for Imua and an offering, then made our way to the end of the road. It was a windy stormy day and a high surf was wildly pounding at the reef in Hā’ena. We were all fully dressed to get on the airplane and Aunty ‘Io motioned for me to get our seaweed leis from the car. She went down to the small inlet and started chanting. The booming north shore waves suddenly went still and we traced our steps along the reef, out into the ocean. 

She gently laid our leis on the surface of the ocean and explained once again that the reason we used limu kala was because kala meant to forgive in Hawaiian. Wearing this lei meant that all was forgiven and thus at peace so that the creativity that was hula could occur. We turned back to the shore and as we reached the sand, the ocean waves rumbled in taking the lei offerings out into the depths. We started the climb to the heiau at Kē‘ē and it quickly became clear why she called Imua. His six foot muscular build came in handy when ‘Io could no longer climb. Halfway up, Imua cradled her in his arms and made the rest of the trek carrying ‘Iolani who was chanting all along the way. She called to the stone guardians along the path, announcing our arrival. At the top, Imua gently placed ‘Io on the grassy platform and she thanked him with a kiss. ‘Io brought out her offering and poured a small amount in a cup for each of us to drink. She then flicked the rest of the offering into the air and onto the altar so that the essence went to the gods. She explained why we were there and acknowledged the next generations that were with her. Tears streamed down her face as she said goodbye for what she knew was her last time. She danced one last dance and turned to the trail and made a slow retreat to the car. ‘Iolani died later that year on December 10, 1978 leaving her rich legacy of dance for all.