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comicteaparty · 5 years ago

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July 4th-July 10th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from July 4th, 2020 to July 10th, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

What was an unexpected aspect of making webcomics you didn’t realize before making one yourself?

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

How much our comic and it's story we're going to change during the years of creation was the biggest and most jarring aspect for sure. There's scripts and thumbs that were all made before we ventured out to make GJS with paths completely different from what we initially thought we would take that have completely changed how we approach not only writing but reading webcomics too. Webcomics as a medium have the biggest connection to time, whether it be production or the consumption, they have this opportunity to exist and transform in the long hours it takes to enjoy and read them. It's honestly one of the biggest advantages imho. To see a story slowly unfold, listening to ur audience reactions, peer critiques, or new inspiration can make such a drastic and intense impact on a long form work- its both jaw dropping and humbling to be apart of!(edited)

Deo101 [Millennium]

For me it was the community aspect of comics. I knew a community existed on the reader side of things (comments!), but I didn't expect the creator side to be how it is! I don't know why, but for some reason I kind of always thought that all of us were sort of throwing our comics out from the void... I guess that was me looking at comics from a reader's point of view! But as soon as I started making comics, I started meeting people who made them too... and it's been incredible!

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

@deo I never really understood what an internet community or internet friends were until I started making a webcomic

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah, I had been in (and quickly decided to not be in 0_0) gaming communities, but nothing really as wonderful as what I've found through comics. Closest I had gotten other than that was comments on social media

Shizamura 🌟 O Sarilho

Community definitely one of the big things, much like Deo pointed. I was kinda expecting to have get connections through readers, but it's much more with other creators, which is super satisfying in it's own way. Also gonna second Krispy's comment about how time affects how you see your story's past and future. A lot of things changed in the past four years that made my comic change as well and having so much time to think each individual scene allows them to be much more complex and interesting than they would when I first thought them through. Having the time really helps. This also kinda touches the topic of personal change too, which affects how I write and what feels most important to focus on and that's interesting to think about as well

eliushi [Keyspace]

How long things will take, the longer the story goes on! I started out being able to complete a page in 2h but then I found more I wanted to try on each page (colours, layout, composition etc) and even wanted to extend certain scenes. With 500 pages planned, I definitely thought I’d be farther along by now, heading into AWT’s first year anniversary in a month. That being said, I’m also enjoying the ride and it’s all thanks to the great community here and making connections with other comics folks/readers. I never expected to get comments and so each one has been a treasure to read.

Desnik

An unexpected aspect of making webcomics is how much people respond to them. I figured I'd be creating into a void but I met so many people as a result of publishing my dinosaur comic

shadowhood {SunnyxRain}

Ditto on the webcomic community. I didn't realize how far reaching it was to have a community that supports each other. And I've enjoyed meeting so many wonderful and creative people who raised each other up. Another thing I didn't expect, however, was how invested I got into my comic.(edited)

At first I was doing it mostly for fun. But the more I delved into it, the easier it was to get sucked into my story and want to draw it out. And as a result taking it a lot more seriously.

Desnik

yeah sometimes I miss my dinosaur comic even though I had some pretty good reasons for moving on. It was created out of desperation and evolved into something that made me feel good about myself

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

How much work and time it takes to keep a weekly update going with no backlog

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah same

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

For me, I didn't realize how much it would affect my life to make comics, and vice versa. In a weird way, I didn't know how interrelated the two were, or how easily life could interfere with my comic, or the inverse.

eliushi [Keyspace]

Making comics became a lifestyle for me

@Haruh2 (Colony Life) When I had no backlog I was updating every two weeks with 7 pages per update; so about 14h of work. But this is with a finished script. I am also told I work fast.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

omg

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

That's soooo much, Eli!

That's at least twice as much as I do (edited)

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I hadn't realized how much I put myself into my comic! My friends who read it have all said that it's incredibly in my voice and reflects my opinions and worldviews Before I shared it with people I hadn't thought of it in that way at all

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

As an artist, I didn't expect how my comic production and mindset will change. Once I started comics, it brought out my ideas from thoughts to a physical form. I start to invest more time into it. Each project evolved through each chapter. How to balance script writing to a polished piece. I put alot of time and research in my works. It makes me glad to hear other creators do the same. I'm not the crazy artist who's wasting her time. One of the positive change was meeting other creators, how we give advice and receive praise.(edited)

eliushi [Keyspace]

The support has been amazing. It makes the work less lonely

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Fish, oh for sure! I didn't realize until recently how much my characters are all just facets of myself!

eliushi [Keyspace]

(I don’t work that quickly anymore and I’m making big changes to the format soon so it’s going to be a Transition)

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I've been in school with art students who never made comics, so when I came to CTP discord, reading comic discussions. It was comforting and fun. I enjoy the cooperation our group has, helping each other.

eliushi [Keyspace]

I like to commiserate about the unique challenges comics have

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Hahaha, yeahhhhh

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

I agree, it's different from illustrations. Different approach(edited)

eliushi [Keyspace]

I am perpetually balancing time spent on a panel vs how much time the reader will spend on it

Vs illustration: lemme make all the details

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

Oh I agree, each panel takes longer than it takes to read it. Hence I dislike when readers call manga creators 'lazy'

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

how much time does it take to read one of my pages?

20 seconds?(edited)

haha

e.e

wait is that emoji supposed to be someone rolling their eyes??

i jsut looked it up

i might've been using it wrong this whole time

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Pacing

It's way different than in novels, and definitely came as a shock at the start

eliushi [Keyspace]

Yeah have to play to the strength of the medium. Still imagining AWT as an animated movie written from a novel, in the format of a comic

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Haha, same kinda

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

@eliushi [Keyspace] ah haha, that makes me feel better about my update habits, but thats a good goal for me to shoot for now that im learning a new way to make long comics specifically

cAPSLOCK (Tailslide)

I completely underestimated the amount of effort that would have to go into formatting, website design and maintenance, etc. If I got to do it again, a little more research beforehand probably would’ve saved me a lot of time and hassle.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

I really overestimated the "if you build it they will come" aspect of webcomics lol. Like, you actually have to work to advertise your comic in order for people to read it. Nobody ever got hundreds of readers just from posting their comic onto some hosting site without doing major marketing work.(edited)

dako

yeah, I feel that

I've never really been an advertising type before my comic, im learning to just get used to it

Deo101 [Millennium]

I've not really done much advertising tbh, it makes me uncomfortable

dako

it feels kinda...embarrassing? might be too harsh of a word

i dunno

Deo101 [Millennium]

its just uncomfortable idk! i feel awkward doing it

dako

yeah, same ive done it a few times on reddit but i have to force myself

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

it does feel, odd..hell most of the time it just feels like i open the door to my house and toss a bunch of paper to the wind hoping someone can see it

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah, I dont know if ive done anything other than posting updates on twitter and talking about it in groups like this

and twitter is mostly just me talkin to people who already read it...

idk talking about my work without being asked first makes me feel like im inserting myself where im not allowed

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Self promo got MUCH less intimidating for me when I started thinking of it like: "okay, so my comic is made for readers like me, people who share my tastes. That means I only need to answer one question: what can I say to get me to check out this comic? I don't need to impress anyone else. I just need to appeal to me." (since "me" is my target audience)

Deo101 [Millennium]

mhm ^^

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

But take it with a grain of salt because I'm still not really promoing

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

exactly, thats why i find it hard to tweet about it most of the time, but i get the whole if i dont care about to talk without being asked no one else will either

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah lmao mood im like what would get me to read... hmmm... probably exactly what im doing.... I'll keep it up then :)

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

yea i get excited to draw out certain parts..but wouldnt want to just tweet about all the little tidbits of the story ruining it for others

Deo101 [Millennium]

sweats

dako

i made a whole side twitter for my comic cuz talking about it on my main intimidated me too much

it is my containment chamber

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

hm may do that, just to say i did it and to get my mind away from the thought

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

yeah same

Deo101 [Millennium]

My main is just whatever I want it to be idk. Its kinda for all my comics, since my comics are all I want to talk about

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

though my main is mostly just retweeting from my side twitter lol

Deo101 [Millennium]

it removes a lot of the pressure of like what if my followers dont wanna see this??

cause they wouldnt be here if they didnt wanna see it

cause its all Ive been doing the whole time

dako

thats a good point

i had my main way before my comic so most of my mutuals/followers dont follow for that

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

yea, it can feel abit disorienting when there is no interaction one way or another on anything you tweet (also if twitter has messed up and causes your tweets to not show up)

Deo101 [Millennium]

but yeah I dont really advertise cause it just makes me so uncomfortable >.<

dako

understandable

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I'm kind of somewhere in between. I advertise my comic mostly because it is all I wanna talk about, like Deo. But I also don't think it's gotten me many readers. Most of my readers came as far as I can tell because I was making something that appealed to them. (The whole "if you build it, they will come" thing.) Although, I really don't have a big audience, I do have an audience, and I am certain most of them came from me just posting.

I think it's determined a lot by luck, and also, how big your niche's audience is to begin with (and some skill tbh).

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah like I think "gay sci fi" is a p big niche so ive got a big amount of people I could potentially reach

which makes it much easier to draw people in

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I'm particularly lucky, I guess, that fantasy/romance has a lot of readers (also more competition, but...)

Deo101 [Millennium]

yeah fantasy romance is a damn big one

Haruh2 (Colony Life)

eh i think im in an awkward void with my action/drama story (since im not doing romance drama)

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I just go with the mindset: "what makes my fantasy/romance different from the rest" and go from there.

Deo101 [Millennium]

mhm

tbh I dont think my sci fi romance is doing anything special?

but im having fun so :) I dont rlly care about that hahahha

dako

having fun the most important thing

Deo101 [Millennium]

its not my goal to make somthing mindblowing ^^ truley im just here for a good time

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I mean, LGBT+-inclusive sci-fi is pretty unique

I haven't seen a lot

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

It's clear that your characters are people, and that's special, regardless of how common/uncommon

dako

think if i didnt love my comic as much as i do id have stopped a long time ago

Deo101 [Millennium]

thats true keiiii, thank you <3

also yeah its Sad that theres not more LGBT+ sci fi cause its like youve got aliennnssssssssssssssssssss you can do whatever you waaaaaant

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I knooowww

Deo101 [Millennium]

guess it shows what ppl want or something

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

yup

Deo101 [Millennium]

off topic

so to make it back on topic

I underestimated how much people would like gay sci fi GJKLAGJLAJLKAGJSLAKGJKL

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

One thing I learned specifically with my current comic... I did not realize how much difference the reader's cultural background would make in terms of interpreting my story.

Deo101 [Millennium]

!!!!!

I actually almost mentioned you in class once tbh keiii

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Big oversight, in retrospect

Deo101 [Millennium]

saying "someone I know makes a comic which they noticed, it's interpreted completely differently just depending on cultural backgrounds" kind of a thing

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

like I would not have made the comic any different, but I would have approached the... presentation differently. Like, talk about it differently

Deo101 [Millennium]

cause we were talking about how narratives affect rt

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

I guess another thing that was unexpected about making webcomics was... there are way more people with my exact tastes than I thought

Deo101 [Millennium]

and I was saying that I think the viewer's narrative affects art more than the artists narrative

I mean, the artists narrative obviously is what makes it so.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

In the eyes of the beholder

Deo101 [Millennium]

but interpretations and all that... yeah!!!

so. actually I might have offhandedly mentioned you I cant remember if I did or not

lemme check

I did! very like "second hand" offhandedly mentioning though ahaha

hope that doesnt make you uncomfortable GSKLGSJALGJLGK no one replied to me so e.e

in the class I mean

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I am super uncomfortable and offended !!!!!

j/k

Deo101 [Millennium]

hgjkghsjkagskajgdhsakgjhgjd

but... yeah idk starting out I truly just was making it cause I really love my characters a lot, the idea that other people would like them too is very unexpected :) in a good way

I also definitely didnt expect how important enviornments were e.e

didnt plan those well enough.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

that relatable feel

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I really desperately advertise my comic everywhere. I don't really know how to do marketing effectively though & I don't know if its working

eliushi [Keyspace]

I find what increased readership most consistently is still the feature aspect from the hosting sites. It’s really about finding the right readers/right readers finding you

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Same, I'm basically a rounding error away from being 100% reliant on the features for subs

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I don't think my comic has ever been featured on the hosting sites. My numbers have always been low on Tapas and maybe thast why

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Yeah, features help a lot

I've been featured on Webtoon, but not Tapas, and you can really see the difference in readership there

Deo101 [Millennium]

Ive been featured on both, uhh in a couple of diff places, if you wanted a breakdown of how many readers i got from the diff spots and stuff ever just lmk im happy to share

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I've been featured on both. It certainly got people to check it out and even sub, but retaining those people (even if they've subbed!!!) is a different story. I think my story is just not the right type for the platforms, but eh, even if 99% of the platform users aren't into the kinda thing I'm making, 1% increase is still an increase.

Which is another thing I learned over the course of running this comic, specifically (since the internet has changed so much after my first two attempts). Just because the majority of your subs don't actually read the comic, doesn't mean your work sucks. Today's internet caters to casual users, and there's a bajillion factors affecting who's actually reading your stuff.

dako

i agree

my comic has never been featured on either, and webtoons doesnt have a guideline on what they pick but tapas does and my comic doesnt really meet their featuring requirements so i dont think either site ever will feature mine haha

so i gotta advertise on reddit and use twitter tags a lot

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Don't go too crazy with twitter tags; they can make people zone out and not look at your tweet.

dako

i try to use 5 at the most, i know too many is unpleasant to look at haha

Jib {WIP haha}

Oh huh, my rule of thumb is to use 1-2 on twitter and as many as I can on Insta but I’m no expert lol

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, IG seems to be where you want all the tags XD

varethane

Webtoon's algorithms are like turning a hose on and off lol

The difference between views and sub growth during periods of being featured vs not is stark(edited)

carcarchu

i've never been featured by webtoons but i've seen series grow from 100 followers to 10k overnight

not an exaggeration

varethane

I put my new comic on webtoon in november 2019, and in 1 month I crawled up to.... maybe 50 subs?(granted I only put up one episode and then paused for a bit)

Then in December I started updating it weekly and got placed in the new and hot section of the app

And bam, 6k subs

It last 2 weeks and then the section updated and all growth stopped, and subs went down by 10 or so over the next week

Krispy §[Ghost Junk Sickness]§

(Omg featured is like the new Daily Deviation goals from DA way back in the day!)

varethane

Until it got another feature on a different part of the website and went up another 2k. It was like playing with the handle on a faucet lol

dako

I got some pretty good growth during canvas week, but beyond that not really

I get 1-2 subs after an update if I'm lucky

varethane

I feel like their algorithms are very reliant on the regular rotation of features that staff have to do manuallt

Outside of that, discoverability is quite weak

Mostly because of the volume of comics on there

boogeymadam

same boat as vare. the only thing i know about webtoons features is they have stated a couple times one of their recquirements is consistant updating, so if u skip a week that disqualifies u for a lil while i imagine

varethane

I wonder what they count as consistent. I was doing every 2 weeks for awhile, but this month I'm gonna try weekly to see if it helps me earn more $$ from ads :U

dako

I wish there was more incentive for readers to check out the new section on webtoons and tapas

carcarchu

i have found some amazing gems in the new section

i swear i've seen stuff in featured that were not at all updated consistently

dako

I have too, there's a ton of good comics that get overlooked because they're not in the front page

some featured comics havent updated in months sometimes

varethane

I definitely would not have considered myself consistent at the time of the first feature, considering there was a gap of a month between episode 1 and 2 lpl

carcarchu

the consistently updating thing is more of a recommendation than a requirement i feel?(edited)

boogeymadam

ooohh good to know!!

varethane

I'm sure it cant be a hard rule, especially for comics that have just launched

boogeymadam

im just going off their canvas qna's from last year

dako

if it's actually a hard rule for staff to feature comics that regularly update they break that rule a lot

i also heard a bot picks up comics too

carcarchu

well i at least think the staff or bots or whatever at webtoons are doing a better job with features than tapas is

tapas is always pushing their premium comics way more than their indie stuff

boogeymadam

tapas needs to bring new comics onto the frontpage more often than it does, yeah

dako

yeah I agree

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I mean, I get why they put premium on the front page. But I feel more variety would help them because it's more interesting for the readers?

dako

I can't tell whats premium or not with tapas sometimes

boogeymadam

i do like that they've been asking stuff like this in the forums tho

carcarchu

more distinction would be helpful to me too dako

i don't think its as clear as it could be

dako

yeah, webtoons at least it's clear what is and what isnt featured or canvas

Jib {WIP haha}

Huh, anyone remember that really popular writing podcast? I forgot the name

Or have any recommendations I guess

Moral_Gutpunch

Terrible writing advice? It's sarcastic

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

is this related to the topic?

Moral_Gutpunch

It's a podcast about writing, so I'm going to say yes.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I think snuffysam meant the weekly topic for the channel

Moral_Gutpunch

Just for this channel, no. I'm too new to know that.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Please check #rules

Moral_Gutpunch

Sound more like someone forgot context than the rules

That's why I'm hardly here. I don't know stuff people who've been here for a long time know like podcasts or older comics(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Basically each of the channels under "CTP Activities" on this server has its own topic of the week.

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

It's not a matter of being here for a long time or not. This channel is used solely for discussing the weekly topics, and such information can be found in #rules

Moral_Gutpunch

Kudos then. I came for creator babble only.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

For general webcomic creation-related advice (either seeking or giving) and such, #shop_talk usually is the place!

creator_babble is for answering the topic of the week

It's not actually for generalized "creator babble" despite the name.

dako

looks like they left

Jib {WIP haha}

Oh my bad, it’s been a while since I read the rules, I brought up the new subject

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Happens!

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

No problem, we were just reminding you all :)

Jib {WIP haha}

Ty for that then haha

dako

I think one unexpected thing for me is that no one tells you how crazy the highs and lows can be

well I guess people do but you really don't know until the highs and lows happen to you if that makes sense

Cronaj ~{Whispers of the Past}~

Oh God, that's so true

Burnout is way more dreadful than I could ever guess prior to experiencing it

Feather J. Fern

One unexpected thing for me was how many people I would meet because of my comic. It surprised me greatly that I found so many cool people through the comic community and made the friends I have made now. Love you all

rajmews

The unexpected thing for me was just how much you have to just...predict...what the market will want to read. Like even if you research a whole lot, and you draw really well, and have been doing art professionally, you can still strike out. It's a humbling experience, but being able to just let go of poorly received pages and move on and try things differently is a lot of the battle for doing a webcomic. It teaches you how to fail gracefully because...it's all a process of learning your readers better. Even if they're few at first.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

My major unexpected thing was how much my initial ideas change as I work through a page. Everything from the expressions, dialogue, and layout can change as I look at it and 'solve' it more closely than I did in thumbnails. There are pages I look back on and realize they are ENTIRELY different than what I had first sketched. And they're better for it. Allowing myself the freedom to edit during the artwork... it's created some majorly awesome opportunities.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yes!!!!! Me too!!!

It's exciting thoufh

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

Absolutely same

Could plan something out meticulously but then change it in the last 2 secs before uploading

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yup... I don't thumbnail much ahead of where I'm at cause of this(edited)

I thumbnail a scene at a time, and then usually I end up changing stuff halfway through ahahfjjdkskdkss

varethane

Same hat, haha. I often make changes at every stage-- even the thumbnails will often depart from the script. If anything, I wish I made even more changes-- I feel like my page layouts tend to be pretty standard, I do a lot of pages with the 3 rows of 2 panels each, and I want to break out of that more. But... well, that's a work in progress.

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #comic tea party #ctp #creator interview #comic creator interview #creator babble

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ask-the-guiding-light-cast · 6 years ago

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Guiding Light turns two years old today!

It’s crazy to think this all began only a couple of years back... and also hilarious it falls on the same day as “International Mystery Dungeon Day” over on Twitter. More after the cut. This is gonna be a long one, so I appreciate anyone willing to read this. ^^

For a long time, I had been a casual consumer of fan fics. It started in the late 2000s when I was in a Spyro craze thanks to the more story-driven Legend of Spyro trilogy. I had an itch that I needed scratched and FFN fulfilled that to some extent. I also looked at some Mario fics, including Paper Mario: The Temple of the Sun, which I greatly enjoyed and thought did a good job adapting the formula that made Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door so beloved and putting a unique spin on things.

But it was until the early 2010s that I actually started getting back into Pokémon games with Gen V. After Emerald, I fell out of touch with Pokémon for a time. When Gen VI came around, I dipped my toe into the fandom through Twitch livestreams, but also through reading a few anime-based fics that are very long and still going, even now.

At the same time, I ended up buying PMD: Explorers of Sky... and damaged my cartridge before I could properly finish the game with my Vulpix/Riolu team. So, I watched cutscenes for what I missed on YouTube, then got Gates to Infinity and, later, Super Mystery Dungeon and had fun with both of them... though more for the stories and characters than the actual gameplay. Truth be told, I don’t care much for roguelikes at all.

It was during the gap in time between Super’s release and the first official footage of Sun & Moon in mid-2016 that I found myself hit with a recurring thought: “What if someone made a PMD story where the hero and the partner are forced to fight one another with the fate of the world at stake?” I wound up (loosely) brainstorming an idea for a PMD story revolving around an antagonistic Hoopa character who would use its ring portals to collect entire communities, including the Pokémon living in them... all so that he would never be bored. This would lead him to “collect” the partner to add to his “toys,” so when the hero shows up, he’d sic the partner on them.

But that was as far as I got with the idea. I ended up graduating college and took a job with late evening hours. It left me pretty tired and exhausted and unmotivated to do much of anything. I withdrew from the parts of the Pokémon community I was involved in.

Then the Generation VII games came out and, while divisive in the fandom, I found myself really liking some of the concepts. There were so many times when I thought, “Gee, I wonder what this would be like if it were in a PMD game?” For example, one of the ideas I had was a sort of edgy rival rescue team akin to Gladion, which would have a Midnight Lycanroc, a Zoroark, and a Type: Null character in it.

So, toward the end of 2016 and early 2017, I started creating an idea for a Choose Your Own Adventure story with the intent of putting it on this really small forum I was a part of. It would be a Gen VII-themed PMD story, but because I didn’t think that sounded interesting enough, I decided that, not only would the human keep their memories, but they would be from the real world and be a major Pokémon nerd. The idea was that the choices the readers made would affect the relationship between the human and partner. I even came up with a point system. The more points the readers earned for their choices, the “closer” the relationship the hero and partner would have and the happier an ending the story would get. If the hero and partner couldn’t stand each other, one of them would likely end up working with the bad guy and winning. If they became steadfast friends, they’d work together to save the world.

Unfortunately, the forum shut down before I got too far into planning it, so I shelved the idea and continued focusing on my job. And things stayed that way for several months, until I ended up getting into med school and scrambling to move.

During the downtime I had when I wasn’t doing moving related stuff, I decided to look at FFN again and found Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Defenders of Warmth. I wound up reading through the entirety of the story quite quickly. I guess you could say it sparked something in my head. The fic itself focuses on what, at the time, was the newest Gen (Gen V). It also has multiple humans and is set on a continent separate from the canon locations (which were just the Air and Grass Continents, since Gates and Super didn’t exist when the fic was written). In short, it renewed my desire to pursue my idea of a Gen VII-flavored PMD story.

So, I set about creating my story outline. It is so... so much different from the actual story, though I’ve gone into that in previous posts (search for #amby answers). Originally, I used Mario & Luigi: Partners in Time as the framework for the fic: an alien invasion in a colorful, comedic world. I took more specific cues, too. Zero was meant to be a (mostly) silent antagonist a la Princess Shroob, for example.

The problem was, I really didn’t have much confidence in myself or my abilities. I’d like to say I was writing for myself, but I really did want validation, too. I think any author is lying to themselves if they say they don’t feel this way at some point. Because of this, I figured if I put the fic on FFN, it would get ignored. The site’s huge! There were, at the time, around 85k fics in the Pokémon section alone. (That number’s since gone up to over 90k!)

Given I had experience with forums, I decided to post it to Serebii, because the fic community seemed much smaller and more open to giving feedback to one another. In an effort to try and, y’know, establish some connections, I actually read other pieces and reviewed them before posting any stories. This also helped me build up a backlog of chapters and prove to myself I enjoyed writing this enough to keep going.

When I finally did post the fic, it was a bumpy start, for sure. I do think I made a lot of mistakes out of the gate, including uploading chapters way too quickly for readers on Serebii to (reasonably) try to keep pace. That probably cost me a few potential readers... or made them silent readers who I never ended up hearing from. Which is why I’m especially thankful to @girl-like-substance (who I can seem to tag, drat) for all of the well-thought-out feedback given throughout the fic’s run. I don’t think I would’ve made such significant strides in my writing otherwise... and there are plenty of long-running fics where the quality tends to stagnate.

In any case... it was thanks to a request from @deliriousabsol to put the fic somewhere more mobile-friendly that I chose to mirror Guiding Light on FFN starting in October 2017. I would’ve kept going on Serebii had she not asked so nicely, so she’s the one you can thank for it showing up there! (She’s a fellow author who does cyberpunk-themed fics and art and her characters have cameoed in the fic.)

And, honestly, I’m just... beyond shocked at what wound up happening to the fic once it hit FFN. Well, actually, for the first several months I was lucky if I even got a comment when I put up a chapter. I’m not sure any of the people who first commented on FFN still follow the fic anymore. I haven’t seen/heard from them at all, so I assumed they moved on with their lives.

In any case, around March of 2018, the word count on FFN passed 300k and... somehow, the fic starting getting more attention. Like, a lot more attention. This was... not really something I was even remotely prepared for.

(Yes, this means there’s gonna be a giveaway. More on that later.) I never would’ve thought I’d reach a number like this. I never imagined I’d meet another PMD author who’d be willing to do a fun collab (thanks @virgil134, Spiteful Murkrow, and Namohysip). I really did not imagine that I’d ever get fanart of characters that I wrote (huge thanks @thebreak-ofdawn, @ask-nicky-and-others, and @cresselia92). I mean, above everything, I not expect the fic or characters to resonate with anybody the way it wound up.

A part of me feels like I don’t really deserve it. I’ve made a lot of serious gaffes with writing this. When initial Serebii feedback had people intrigued by Shane’s jerkass attitude (when I didn’t actually intend for him to come off as a jerk), I dialed things up in the hopes I’d keep their attention. It probably cost me readers. Then there’s the slow pacing of the early episodes and the mistake of making Special Episode 3 as long as it was... which my speaks to my (bad) tendency to give into some of my strongest impulses even though I had an outline I was trying to stick to.

And, I mean, there’s also some of the “shamlessly shameful” stuff I’ve done with the fic. I’m not fooling myself. Guiding Light has grown progressively more furry and, uh, probably fanservicey, too. All the big furbait (and some scalebait) ‘mons are accounted for. There’s a lot more sexual humor when I initially promised myself I would stay away from romance and keep everything platonic. I practically turned Xerneas into waifu bait, if some of these asks are anything to go by. This blog certainly didn’t help in that regard. Maybe I’m just being my usual nervous self?

I am worried that this fic’s performance has, somehow, affected my thoughts and behavior. There are very popular fic authors who let their popularity get to their head... or chose to open up Patreons (something that makes me uncomfortable) or start doing things like taking commissions for written pieces, which is understandable... though I think it’s an easy way to lose your passion for writing. I guess some of that worry stems from a debacle I learned about on a Discord server I’m in, but that’s not something I’m comfortable discussing publicly.

And I haven’t even talked much about the blog itself. Like, it somehow passed 100 followers? Where? When? How? I don’t actually draw stuff like many other Pokéasks. And, like, for a lot of folks, I have no idea if they’ve actually read the fic or just check in on the blog. It’s the same with the fic, I suppose. If you’re a silent reader/follower, I would really love to hear from you! I promise... I don’t bite or anything. I’d love to know what (if anything) you’re thinking. And if you’re a blog that’s following this one and we haven’t interacted, please feel free to reach out! It’s honestly hard to tell if people like what I’m doing, so any feedback is always appreciated.

In any case, if I haven’t lost you by now, I guess all I can say is... thank you. Thank you all so much for all of the support... whether it’s on the fic, the blog, or both of them. I really do hope this final episode can meet your expectations. I’ll try my very best to make this an ending to remember. Nothing would make me happier than to hear you guys enjoy it and feel it does justice to the PMD series.

Sorry for all the rambling. The inbox is open again if you’d like to send any messages for the ficaversary. Again, thank you all so much! You’re the best!

#ooc #long post #fic anniversary

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mysticsparklewings · 6 years ago

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Watercolor Kitty

Look, paint! So not that long ago I more or less made the decision with myself that I wanted to branch out into watercolor. I've been avoiding the world of painting for a while because...I mean, have you guys seen that gigantic rabbit hole of supplies to pick through, for one thing?? Beyond that, just overall my past experience and knowledge of paint up until this point hasn't been that inspiring. (I'm going to describe past experience now, but in small text so if you're not interested you can just skip it.) For starters, it wasn't until like halfway through high school that I finally understood there were even different kinds of paint that behave differently, and I did not learn that from art class, either. I'm not sure when and where exactly, but I found out on my own and was like, why were we never taught this. A thought I still have regularly, I might add. You'd think that would be a pretty high-ticket item in art classes past Elementary school. All of my watercolor experience until recently was contained within my elementary and middle school years. The colors were always super washed out and even though at one point we went over techniques, we didn't actually get to use them more than like twice. And then high school art never addressed watercolors again. Other than that, I had heard the term "oil paint" thrown around, but I didn't really understand what it was. The closest thing I knew of was oil pastels, but that didn't help because they were like older cousins of crayons and not very paint-like at all. I have done a few things with acrylic in the past, but mostly solid backgrounds (or not very interesting school projects that never explained they were acrylic paints in the first place; it's paint just use it as instructed) in which I spent entirely too long trying to mix just the right color and enough of it, and then you have to bend over backward to keep the stuff from drying out. No thank you. Then last year I started my adventure in trying to recreate this thing called the Rainbow Sponge (and have done so to moderate success, but that's a conversation for another day) and in that process acquired some inks by Dr. Ph. Martin. When testing colors to make sure I was grabbing what I wanted, they reminded me of watercolors, and the general impression I got during that time (from experimenting and from researching) was that they pretty much were watercolors, the exception being that once they dried you couldn't re-activate them. (And they were purely liquid; most watercolors are either the little panned cakes or the more traditional "paint consistency" you find in tubes and apparently the liquid watercolors you find are usually dye-based instead of pigment based, so they behave slightly differently on paper.) After seeing a couple of Youtubers I trust try them, I decided to spoil myself with some commission money and ended up with this set of strange watercolor sheets, and even though I didn't know much about watercolor, I really liked them and the idea of a water brush instead of a traditional paintbrush and 50,000 trips to change paint water. Plus, by this time I had learned that watercolor doesn't have to be all totally washed-out pastels. Who knew, right? Somewhere in this mess, I was attuned to the idea of first the Derwent Inktense, ink-based pencils and watercolor pencils, which both came as side-effects of my deep-dive into the world of colored pencils. They both sounded intriguing--Pencils you can blend out with water to get rid of the streaks?? What??--and after I checked the Faber Castell Polychromos off my Art Supply Wishlist, watercolor pencils went next. The set of Arteza ones that I got, I like pretty well. After that, since I had at least two watercolor supplies I rather liked using enough though I didn't really know what I was doing, I figured I might start looking into gaining some knowledge on what to do with them. A couple of weeks ago I acquired a book called "Watercolor Workshop" by Sasha Prood because it instantly caught my attention for telling you on one page what to do with an example, and them providing you with a space to give a try for yourself, which is not something that is all that common to me in "how to X" books. This book made me want to procure a set of tube watercolors, and after some poking around on Amazon with a specific budget and requirements in mind, I ended up with a 24 set by Crafts 4 All and an empty travel palette by Meedan to put them in. (As I've come to understand it, this seemed like the best route to go for tube colors; I know myself too well to trust just squirting the paint onto a regular palette every time and not wasting it, especially when it comes to mixing colors, so I went the route of putting some paint in little half-pans and letting them dry to hopefully prevent that.) I won't go too much into detail like a review of that set of watercolors or my tube-to-pan process here, because I want to play with the paints some more to get a better feel for them before I truly sing their praises or condemn them, but so far they're actually working out a lot better than I thought they would, considering they were pretty inexpensive. So far my biggest complaints are A. I'm not crazy about the smell, as it's a pretty "industrial" scent, but I get the feeling a "paint smell" is relatively unavoidable; and B. I wish there were more colors. The range in the 24 set feels pretty balanced out (though one more purple wouldn't have hurt), I just wish there were more in total. (And for all I know they sell a bigger set, I haven't looked into it, but this isn't really a bad thing; I like what I've seen so I want more.) As is maybe obvious, I meant for this to go up closer to Valentine's Day, but my palette didn't come in until the day after, I had to wait at least a day after that for the paints to dry out, and I can only paint so fast. (I had the sketch done on like the 12th, I think, and the line art on watercolor paper on the 13th). And by then I had a couple of other pieces backlogged, so since I had missed my holiday window, I figured I'd just post it at the next available opportunity. (And after I got off my lazy bum to write this description ) I was inspired by some very red-furred kitties on Pinterest for colors and I've been trying to get a bit into hand-lettering, though I didn't get too fancy with that here because I mostly just wanted to play with the paint and see what I could do (and I was also putting a new set of Sakura Gelly Rolls to the test on just how waterproof they were--fortunately they passed!). It's going to be tricky to break my habit of how I like to usually blend and shade with my other supplies, as watercolors just don't behave the way markers and pencils do, but as I said earlier, these were working to my liking much better than I had expected. My little fluffy kitty here isn't perfect, but I do think she turned out quite cute. I was trying to avoid using my other supplies to really let the watercolors breathe and do their thing, but I did have to add a gold border with a Pentel Sparkle Pop because it just needed something. The only real issue with this piece I ended up having is that the physical copy has a nice stain where at some point I wasn't careful with waving my brush around and got a little blop of yellow ochre paint near the bottom right corner. I lifted off what I could, but apparently, I had not noticed it for long enough it did get to settle in a little. Fortunately, I was able to crop it out on the scan, though! I do have one other art piece ready to go for Wednesday, but beyond that, I am hoping to do more with these watercolors and I should have some new supplies coming in the mail this week with a couple of planned test-pieces in mind. (Does anyone else just get this relieved sort of exhilaration from getting new supplies? No? Just me? ) (Also I'm mostly trying to get into a consistent upload pattern, even though I keep missing a couple days here and there ) ____ Artwork © me, MysticSparkleWings ____ Where to find me & my artwork: My Website | Commission Info + Prices | Ko-Fi | dA Print Shop | RedBubble | Twitter | Tumblr | Instagram

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steve0discusses · 7 years ago

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The Recap Graveyard Part 2

So as bro and I make these recaps -- me on the front end with the pictures and he on the editing end erasing all of my bad jokes (there’s so, so many) -- we have a pipeline where sometimes we have to toss jokes at eachother until something sticks. Sometimes they don’t land, sometimes they do but we just can’t fit in it youknow?

Anyways, so I just have a bunch of these alternate-universe photo caps, since I tend to write the copy after I cap so I just sometimes...have extras we never ended up using.

Like this one, which I realized after I had published the post. Damn it. Could’ve had a Spanx joke.

So here is the graveyard of the caps that didn’t make it, from the end of S2 till now. I considered waiting till this season is done to do this again but we’re at 47 caps now--mostly because of us trying to figure out what the hell to do with Pharaoh on a date--so how about I just upload this before we forget everything that happened earlier in this season? (also because I am currently out of state and so I feel like it’s a good time to post my backlog.)

So, if you just found my blog, these aren’t going to make any sense because I’m just going to present them largely without commentary and in no particular order. So, prior reading is suggested (and can be done by going to the “Yugioh recaps in chrono order” link on the side of my blog.) and uh, yeah. Here’s our graveyard:

(read more under the cut)

Yo I spelled American wrong and then my 3rd grade teacher appeared in the mirror and I’m pretty sure I’ve been cursed ever since.

And then, even though it’s been months since I found this out, I’ve just been still kinda reeling over the story about Pharaoh Pheros and the piss. Hence this wall of text mostly written for just myself. It was way too long to fit into the cap. I couldn’t fit in “unadulterous woman piss” even so I just used “virgin piss” although that’s not technically at all the same thing but like technically this also didn’t actually happen. It’s just some dude like thousands of years ago who wrote it down somewhere cryptic for us to find now and be like “the hell is this weird ass piss story!?” Like, it’s basically an ancient creepy pasta. It’s fab.

I like to think that our Pharaoh could be Piss Pharaoh. He’s not. But he could be.

Millennials have killed a lot of things I don’t care about, Mervyns, diamonds, Hooters. But I do kinda feel bad about killing POP-CORN.

Then this next wall of text was just me complaining about the one thing I really wanted to go through in High School but never got to do. Bro said he never did this either. Like did anyone here even get the chance to do this???

Thing is, people at my school did in fact carry sack flour babies, so it just turned out that only one teacher was forcing their kids to do it for sex ed while the rest were like “nah just babysit an actual child, would you?” which was a bummer, cuz I legit wanted to name my sack of flour Zshiki and be like “yo check it out. I put a bow on it.”

Whatever I had a cat instead.

And then at some point bro and I got heated about FMA and it lead to this:

And that about wraps up my graveyard.

See you next time for a normal-style post. It’ll update when we get everything all fully back to normal after being out of town, catching up with work. Oh hell it’ll be......................................................Inktober.

...Freakin Inktober...

Anyway I’ll decide if I’m going to, on top of everything else, also succomb to peer pressure to do 31 pieces of rushed art that I will never be paid for in a messy medium that takes a long time to use and will be sold out in every art store nearby me, or if I’ll be making this upcoming post. We’ll see.

Why can’t they call it #BuyArtDoneInInktober? THEN I’d be all over that.

#yugioh #photo recap #not really an episode but a bunch from s2 #again if you haven't been reading my posts uh this won't make any sense #but if you've been here a while it might still not make sense?#I might be the only one who knows exactly where these caps go by sight because I make these myself #but whatever #enjoy some content

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idristardis · 7 years ago

Text

The Writing’s On The Wall - CSLB

Summary: Normally quiet and sleepy, Storybrooke, Maine has been going through the polar opposite of a crime wave. There hasn't been even so much as an incident of shoplifting in MONTHS. Until the day an anonymous graffiti artist starts leaving murals and street art all over prominent town buildings. Who's behind it? Why don't the townspeople want to press charges if/when the "vandal" is caught? And what does all of this have to do with Sheriff Emma Swan and local bakery owner Killian Jones?

Rating: Mild T (mainly for a little kissin’ and a little swearin’)

Word Count: 15,000 on the nose!

Possible triggers: I’m not really sure I’d consider these triggers, but this fic does contain mentions of past!Millian and past!Gremma (both in a positive light) and past!Swanfire (in a negative light), so if none of those things float your boat, I’d recommend taking a miss on this one.

Tropes: Mutual pining, friends-to-lovers, modern au (no magic), Henry-being-too-smart-and-cute-for-his-own-good, Zelena-being-Zelena, the author makes many jokes (lovingly) at Will Scarlet’s expense.

Background pairings: Snowing, Outlaw Queen, Frozen Jewel.

A/N: It’s hard to believe this day is finally here!! I felt like I ate/slept/breathed this fic for so long and then ended up having to wait the whole month of February to post, lol. Seriously, though, it’s humbling to be the “grand finale” of the CSLB, and I only hope my work lives up to the honor. This month has once again proved the depth and breadth of talent possessed by the writers and artists in the OUAT and CS fandoms. You guys all rock and should be very proud of what you’ve achieved!!

This fic was a labor of love - and it’s the longest thing that I’ve written and completed in forever - so I am extremely excited to share it with you all. I couldn’t have done it without my amazing beta, Hollie aka @the-captains-ayebrows who helped me refine the plot and pacing in so many ways - this story wouldn’t be half of what it is without her input - and my wonderful artist, Bianca i.e. @shipsxahoy who made the beautiful banner at the top of this post and a seriously awesome gifset that you can find HERE. I also want to thank the mods and the entire team at the @captainswanbigbang for running such a wonderful CSLB event (and for putting up with my frequent down-to-the-wire check ins and over-the-top word counts). You ladies have done a wonderful job and I’m so grateful to have been a part of it!! Now, without further ado (too late!!), The Writing’s On The Wall.

Also on AO3.

February 13th - Midday...

In retrospect, Emma thought, I really should have seen this coming.

Life in Storybrooke had been quiet – almost freakishly so – for the last few months. Not that the small, sleepy coastal Maine town she called home was normally a hotbed of criminal activity, but usually there was something going on that required her to flash her badge and threaten the local riffraff with a night in one of the cells at the sheriff’s station.

But not lately. It was mid-February and quite literally nothing arrest-worthy had happened since early December when she’d locked up Will Scarlet for attempting to steal the holiday decorations off the town common.

She knew for a fact that had been the last arrest she’d made, as Scarlet’s motives had been memorable. Apparently, he’d had some half-cocked idea of holding the decorations hostage until the mayor agreed to “ransom” them back for a hefty fee. (Emma had laughed for a solid minute when he’d explained. As if Regina would ever have gone along with that).

Since then, though - nothing.

No bar fights, no petty theft, no DUIs, no domestic disturbances, no vandalism...not even any cats stuck in trees.

Emma’d had little to do except catch up on backlogged paperwork and finally start converting the sheriff’s department’s oldest files from hard-copy to digital.

In other words, she was bored out of her freaking mind.

Or she had been.

Because now, suddenly, the crime drought had ended rather spectacularly.

Emma had practically stumbled on the scene of the crime when she’d left the station a little before noon. She’d already been running late for Galentine’s Day lunch with Mary-Margaret - a longstanding tradition they’d kept up since meeting at the University of Southern Maine nearly ten years ago - when she’d seen it.

It had been hard - if not impossible - to miss.

“What the actual hell?!” Emma exclaimed, stopping dead in her tracks and staring at the building opposite the station. The response felt entirely appropriate when confronted with fifteen foot tall graffiti that absolutely hadn’t been there that morning. Whoever the culprit was, they were pretty talented, but also extremely brazen. They’d vandalized the brick wall of a two story office building in broad daylight, not twenty-five feet away from the sheriff’s station. Apparently, they didn’t care if they got caught, Emma mused. I mean, it’s beautiful, but that’s pretty damn cocky.

Sighing, Emma pulled out her phone to call Mary-Margaret and let her know she was going to be running even later for lunch, and that she’d explain when she got there.

All the while, her eyes barely strayed from the wall looming above her, adorned with a stunning multitude of simple (yet gorgeously painted) hearts in varying sizes and shades of pink, red, white, and purple.

(If she took a few more photos than were strictly necessary for the case file, that was her secret).

January 19th - Late Afternoon...

The bell above Second Star Bakery’s door jangled loudly, signaling that said door had been thrown open with considerable force. Though he would’ve liked to offer a sharp word to the culprit about the civilized way to enter a room, Killian kept his attention on the cupcakes he’d been in the middle of frosting, slowly looking up towards the source of the noise. The polite, “customer-service” smile on his face melted into something more genuine when he saw who his visitor was, and he approached the front of the shop with a spring in his step.

"Henry, what brings you by on a Friday? I wasn't expecting you till tomorrow afternoon for your usual visit with your Mum," he said, leaning on top of the display case nearest to the door and looking curiously at Henry Swan. The boy rocked slightly on his feet, shifting his weight side-to-side and averting his eyes when Killian’s gaze landed on him.

"I know, but I needed to talk to you about something and it couldn't wait any longer.” He was unusually fidgety. It struck Killian as odd, but before he could ask about it, Henry’d started speaking again. "Um...can you take a break for a few minutes?"

A tendril of concern tickled the back of Killian’s mind, but he tamped it down. Henry’d always been a good lad, and Killian was sure that, given a chance, he would explain what was on his mind. “Of course I can,” he nodded at Henry before pointing to the case in between them. “Now, how serious is this conversation? Does it require cupcakes, cookies, or eclairs?”

Henry shook his head, and his brow briefly furrowed in thought. “Pie,” he replied firmly after a few moments of careful consideration.

Killian arched an eyebrow. “Ah, that is serious,” he said, bending down and fetching the nearest pie out of the case. “Apple spice alright?”

Henry nodded and moved through the cafe tables dotting the bakery floor, heading for one towards the back. Leaving one of his sales associates, Wendy, in charge of things up front, Killian warmed a couple of healthy-sized slices of the pie and put them on a tray. Propping the tray on his left forearm, he steadied it with his good hand and carefully navigated between the tables. (Times like these always made him wish he had full use of his left hand, but an accident nearly seven years ago had taken his naval career - and much more - with it. He’d never regained full range of motion in his left hand, but he’d adapted to the injury - the other losses had been harder to recover from). Sliding into the chair opposite Henry, he waited while the boy dug into his pie.

And waited.

Though he was determined to give Henry enough time to bring up whatever was on his mind, after several silent moments stretched between them, Killian couldn’t resist nudging the conversation along. “Henry...I thought you wanted to talk. Are you sure everything’s alright?”

Though his attention had been focused solely on his pie until that moment, at Killian’s question Henry sat back in his chair with a sigh. His eyes flicked up to meet Killian’s hesitantly. “If you thought that...someone liked you...like...that way...but they hadn’t really said anything, what would you do?”

Ah, Killian thought, inwardly relieved. Girl problems. This I can handle. I think.

He folded his arms on the table and leaned towards Henry, regarding him with a grin. “Well, first things first. Are the feelings mutual?”

Henry’s gaze locked on his. Killian had the distinct (and slightly unsettling) feeling the boy was trying to read him - but what exactly he was looking for, Killian wasn’t sure. He seemed to find it after a moment, nodding thoughtfully as he replied. “I think so. I mean...” He paused to take a large bite of his pie. “...I’m pretty sure.”

“Well,” Killian scratched lightly behind his ear. “I think you have to figure that out for definite before you decide how to approach this other person. It could be pretty awkward otherwise.”

Henry put down his fork and opened his mouth as if to speak before closing it again immediately - an action he repeated twice more before a look of determination crossed his features and he blurted, “okaywellhowdoyoureallyfeelaboutmymomthen?”

The tinny strains of a Mumford and Sons tune floating out from the kitchen were suddenly the loudest noises in the entire bakery.

But the only thing Killian could hear was his heartbeat skidding to a complete halt before promptly lurching into overdrive.

“Pardon?” he asked, sure he must have misheard Henry’s (admittedly rather garbled) question - yet simultaneously sure he hadn’t. “Say that again? Perhaps with breaths between the words?”

Henry slumped back in his chair. “I said how do you really feel about my mom?”

Right, so the lad did say those words. In that order. Right.

Killian took a deep breath, trying to school his features into something closer to nonchalance than panic. (He had a feeling he failed based on the way Henry was looking at him).

“Henry,” he began cautiously, “I don’t understand...I thought you were asking me about someone at school...someone who you thought fancied you.”

“Nope,” he said, shaking his head vigorously before pausing to contradict himself. “I mean, yeah, there kinda is someone I think I might like, but that’s so not the point of this conversation,” he finished before renewing his previously abandoned attack on his pie.

“Not the point...” Killian echoed faintly, scrubbing a hand over his face and back through his hair. This was, quite literally, the last thing he’d expected when he’d opened up shop in the morning. For the first time in the slightly more than three years since he’d owned the bakery, Killian was actually glad there were hardly any customers - with the wildfire nature of Storybrooke’s gossip mill, this conversation was the last thing he wanted anyone overhearing.

He can’t know, Killian thought. He can’t.

But then why bring it up? His inner voice countered in annoyingly logical fashion.

“Henry,” he tried again, “why would you ask me that?”

Henry stopped just short of rolling his eyes. “I was just doing what you said.”

That didn’t clarify anything. “What do you mean?”

“What do you mean, what do I mean?” Henry asked, putting his fork down. “You said finding out if the feelings were definitely mutual was really important before figuring out how to talk to the other person. So that’s what I was doing. So,” he asked again, “how exactly do you feel about my mom?”

Killian still could not fathom that this conversation was really happening, but Henry seemed as though he could - and would - stay planted in his chair until Killian answered him, so he chose his next words carefully. “You know I care a great deal for your mother, lad. We’ve known each other for several years now - her friendship means the world to me, and I wouldn’t trade having her in my life for anything.”

Henry simply looked at him for a few moments before throwing his hands up in the air. “Friendship?! Really?! That’s what you’re going with?!”

“Aye,” he said gently. “It’s the truth, Henry.”

Now, the boy did roll his eyes. “Yeah,” he scoffed, “but not all of it...especially not when I think my mom might be in love with you.”

February 13th - Lunchtime...

“Well, whoever did this...it’s gorgeous,” Mary-Margaret mused, handing Emma her phone back after looking at the photos of the mural.

“Yeah, but...unfortunately, it’s also a crime,” Emma replied, pocketing her phone after taking one last glance at the photos. “Or it should be.”

Mary-Margaret tilted her head inquisitively. “What d’you mean?”

Emma sighed, leaning her elbows on the table and picking at her last few onion rings. “I canvassed the people who work in the building, but only a couple of the offices are actually occupied, and neither tenant was bothered by the graffiti. In fact, they really liked it.” Mary-Margaret hummed thoughtfully before Emma continued. “It’s one of the few buildings in town not owned by the immortally cranky Mr. Gold, and when I called the landlord to notify him, he’d already heard about the incident and didn’t want to press charges when and if we found the ‘artist’ in question. Said it sounded like it improved the value of his property.”

The pair sat in silence for a moment. “Well,” Mary-Margaret said eventually, “I guess that’s actually lucky for you, right?”

“How so?”

“Now that you don’t have to chase down leads on this mysterious artist-vandal, you won’t have to work late on Valentine’s Day. See? Lucky!!”

Emma chuckled and shook her head. Mary-Margaret was an eternal optimist who saw the best in everyone. Emma was convinced it was this innate decency and kindness that had led Mary-Margaret to befriend her when she was a 20 year old freshman and single mother commuting to USM’s Portland campus from some no name town an hour up the coast.

Though a junior when they’d met, Mary-Margaret had been the same age as Emma, and had slipped into her life as if she’d been there forever. The fact that Mary-Margaret had gotten a job teaching at Storybrooke Elementary after graduation, and had married Emma’s friend and co-worker David Nolan ensured she probably would be in Emma’s life for the foreseeable future. Her sunny disposition generally balanced out Emma’s more pragmatic (some would say prickly) take on things - but occasionally, they just didn’t see eye to eye, and when it came to Valentine’s Day, they couldn’t be further apart.

Of course Mary-Margaret, being so kind-hearted, would be enthusiastic about a holiday devoted to love and romance. Emma didn’t have anything against actual love and romance, but an overly commercialized holiday devoted to a sappy version of it? That she could do without. “Just because I don’t have to work late doesn’t mean I don’t have to work,” Emma replied. “It’s not that lucky.”

Mary-Margaret shrugged in response, her optimism undeterred. “Well, do you at least have any plans for tomorrow night?”

Emma narrowed her eyes. “I don’t think I like where I think you’re headed with that question.”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Mary-Margaret’s eyes were wide, her tone a shade too innocent.

“Uh huh,” Emma muttered. “Sure you don’t.”

Mary-Margaret frowned briefly before finishing her coffee and putting the cup down with a sigh. “I only want you to be happy, you know that, right?”

Now it was Emma’s turn to sigh. “I’ve got a wonderful family, friends who care a frankly ridiculous amount about me,” Emma raised an eyebrow, causing Mary-Margaret to chuckle, “and an amazing kid. I am happy.”

“I do know that - and I’m glad,” Mary-Margaret said, though her words were laced with concern. “But you know that’s not the kind of happiness I’m talking about. When’s the last time you went on a date?”

“I don’t need to have romantic plans on a made up holiday in order to be happy, Mary-Margaret,” Emma said, weariness creeping into her tone. They’d had similar discussions before.

“I know you don’t have to, but-”

“Besides, I’ve had dates on and off over the past few years,” Emma cut in. “You’re really talking about more than that.”

“Yeah, I am,” Mary-Margaret conceded. She paused, her gaze flicking to Emma’s before proceeding hesitantly. “It’s been almost four years since Graham died...I’m just afraid that between dealing with losing him and the impact of your past with Neal, you’ve closed yourself off. I don’t want that for you, Emma.”

Emma didn’t really have a comeback for that. Neal had been a con and a cheat, not to mention too old for her teenage self, and the only good thing he’d brought into her life had been Henry. Her history with him featured frequently in conversations about Emma’s lackluster love-life (generally with Emma tossing a good amount of expletives in his direction), but Mary-Margaret didn’t usually bring up Graham.

Graham had been everything Neal wasn’t - kind, patient, funny, and sweet. They’d fallen into an easy relationship not long after Emma’s post-college return to Storybrooke. Under the former sheriff, Art King, they and David had been co-deputies in the Storybrooke Sheriff’s Department. Graham had charmed her effortlessly almost from the start. They’d been happy for about eighteen months, until he’d collapsed one day during his morning run - ripped away out of the blue by an undiagnosed congenital heart defect.

Emma took a deep breath and released it slowly. If she were being honest, she’d have to admit that after Graham’s death, she’d turned inward - protectively walling off her heart against further hurt. She hadn’t really had a serious relationship since - but the pain of losing Graham was only one reason.

Yeah, but you can’t exactly admit that the other major reason you’re not actively looking for something serious is that you’ve gone and developed feelings for Killian, Emma thought. At least, not without Mary-Margaret completely freaking out on you and trying to get you to actually do something about them.

“Emma?” Mary-Margaret’s soft voice broke through Emma’s internal musings and pulled her back to the present. “I’m sorry if I pushed - I just care about you and I want the best for you. Sometimes I get carried away”

“It’s alright, you didn’t,” Emma said, reaching out to squeeze Mary-Margaret’s hand. “Honest. But I’m really fine - and you have my word that I’m happy. I promise if that changes, you’ll be the first to know.”

Mary-Margaret nodded, squeezing Emma’s hand in return. “Deal.”

“As far as tomorrow, I wouldn’t have time for a date anyway. I’ve got to get Henry ready for the school dance and embarrass him by taking as many photos as humanly possible,” Emma said. “That’s all the Valentine’s excitement I need.”

Emma felt slightly guilty for not revealing she did, in fact, have plans with Killian after Henry went to the dance. It wasn’t a date, so technically she wasn’t lying, but she was aware if Mary-Margaret knew, she’d take it the wrong way. Emma just didn’t have the energy to convince her that movie night with Killian, beer, and a giant pepperoni pizza was completely and totally platonic.

(Not that she wanted it to be. But the one thing she wanted more than exploring a relationship with Killian was to not lose him from her life. Anything that had the potential to wreck their friendship - like the fact she’d been well on her way to in love with him for most of the past year - was firmly off limits).

January 19th - Late Afternoon...

Killian gaped at Henry, positive his jaw was on the floor. He tried - and failed - to form words several times before finally finding his voice.

“I’m fairly certain you’re mistaken,” he said. “Granted, your mother and I are very close, but we’re just friends.”

Henry shook his head. “C’mon, Killian. I’m twelve, not stupid - and I know what I heard.”

That got Killian’s attention. “What are you talking about?”

“It was a few weeks ago,” Henry explained. “Just before New Year’s Eve. It was late, and I was getting ready for bed, but I’d forgotten some of my school books in the kitchen. When I went downstairs to get them...I overheard my mom talking to Auntie Elsa on the phone.”

“Eavesdropping is bad form, lad,” Killian admonished.

“I know - and I didn’t mean to. But she sounded kinda sad and I wanted to make sure she was okay, so I stayed and listened for a few minutes...and she was talking about you.”

Killian’s stomach churned at the thought that something about him had upset Emma. Causing her any sorrow or discomfort was the last thing Killian wanted. Against his better judgment (this felt far too much like gossiping behind Emma’s back), Killian asked, “why was she upset?”

Henry averted his gaze for a moment before looking back at Killian. “She said something about not being able to change how she feels, but not being able to tell you the truth either...and something about not knowing what to do. Then she just said ‘yeah’ and ‘uh huh’ a lot while Auntie Elsa must have been talking.”

“You still shouldn’t have listened to your mother’s conversation, Henry,” Killian said. A headache was starting to form behind his temples. “But all I can ask is that you not do it again.” He pushed back his chair and stood up, gathering their plates and cups. “I’m afraid I have to get back to work, but you know you’re welcome anytime.”

“That’s it?!” Henry cried in disbelief, following Killian towards the counter. “You’re not going to do anything about this?!”

Kilian dumped their plates into a rubber kitchen tub earmarked for used dishware and turned to face Henry, crossing his arms over his chest. “What exactly do you want me to do? I don’t think what you heard means your mum’s in love with me. Just that there’s something she feels she can’t tell me right now.”

“Yeah,” Henry retorted, “It’s that she loves you!”

“Henry, listen-”

“I’m pretty observant,” Henry cut in, “and I know both of you look at each other differently than you do anybody else - by the way, you should know it’s really sappy - and you spend a ton of time together, and...you care about each other, like, a lot. Plus, you take care of each other all the time. You’re...you’re almost as coupley as the Nolans!” he finished triumphantly, as if that statement alone proved all of his points.

“Nobody’s as coupley as the Nolans,” Killian rebutted. “Henry...I want you to know I’ve heard you,” he said seriously, “but the friendship I have with you and your mum is precious to me...I don’t want to do anything to risk it.”

It was as close to an admission of feelings as he could bring himself to allow.

Henry shook his head,disappointment filling his gaze. “But don’t you think you’re losing out on something even more special if you don’t take the risk?”

Killian didn’t quite know what to say to that, and before he could come up with an appropriate response, the bell over the door was jingling once more, signaling Henry’s departure.

January 24th - Dinnertime…in Storybrooke, at least...

“H’lo?” the voice slurred out a greeting after the person on the other end of the phone finally picked up.

“Liam?” Killian asked, before catching sight of the clock and doing a quick mental calculation. “Ah, shit...sorry. You were already asleep, weren’t you?”

“Almost,” his brother sounded slightly more alert now. “You caught me just in the nick of time, little brother. Now, to what do I owe the honor of this late night transatlantic call?”

Killian bit back the automatic correction of younger brother that itched to leap off his tongue. He felt badly enough for not thinking about the time difference before calling - he didn’t want to get sidetracked by protesting a habit Liam was never likely to change. Besides, he really needed advice. “I need your opinion on something, Liam.”

“Must be important - I can hear the nerves in your voice from here,” his brother quipped.

Killian nodded, even though he knew Liam couldn’t see him. “Possibly the most important thing.”

“Ah,” Liam said knowingly. “Must be about Emma, then. Finally decided you want to tell her you’ve been in love with her for ages, but haven’t been able to actually do it yet?”

“How in the world did you guess that?!” he blurted, speaking over Liam’s chuckle. “Have you been talking to Henry?”

Liam was silent for a long moment before responding, a bit of hesitance in his voice. “Actually, Elsa.”

“What?!” Killian was truly boggled. “When?!”

“We’ve been in touch a bit since I visited you last year,” Liam said briskly, clearly trying to change the subject - though Killian definitely filed it away for further discussion later. “Anyway, she sees the way you two moon about over each other as clearly as I do. We’re both a bit puzzled at why it’s taken this long for one of you to do something about it.”

“We’re friends,” Killian replied instantly. “She’s...my best friend, actually.”

“I’m going to pretend that doesn’t hurt, Kil,” Liam said dryly. “But truth be told, you wound me.”

“Git,” Killian replied.

“Wanker,” Liam answered, the laughter bleeding into his voice at their habitual sparring. After a brief pause during which Killian could hear him yawn, Liam spoke again, his tone more serious. “So, she’s your best friend. How long have you known her?”

“Four years. You know that, Liam.”

“Aye. You met her even before you fully moved there...it was when when you visited for your mate-”

“Robin’s wedding, yeah,” Killian cut in, unsure of where his brother was going with his trip down memory lane.

“Right - he married that mildly terrifying woman, didn’t he?”

“Regina - though I wouldn’t let Robin hear you say that,” Killian replied, impatient for Liam to cut to the chase. “What’s your point?”

“My point, little brother, is you’ve known Emma for a very long time...and you’ve each had a rough go of it. Life dealt both of you shit hands...and what’s always struck me about you both is that neither of you have ever let anything stop you from fighting for what’s important to you. Why should it be any different now, when what you want is each other?”

“You’re so certain she feels the same way?” Killian asked, afraid to let himself hope.

Liam sighed, but when he spoke again, his tone was gentler. “Elsa didn’t betray any of Emma’s specific confidences, but given what she did say...I don’t think you have to worry...and if it’s any consolation, from what I observed of you two myself when I was there, I’d say she’s right.”

Killian exhaled slowly. “It’s a big leap to make. I haven’t felt this way about anyone since…”

“Milah,” Liam finished for him. It wasn’t a question. Killian had fallen hard for Milah Clarke when he’d only been a few years into his naval career. Losing her in a car accident not long after the incident that had crushed his hand and ended his career had sent Killian reeling and it had taken him a long time - and no small amount of help from Liam - to pull himself out of his grief and heal.

“Yeah,” Killian replied. “So you can see why I’m terrified of screwing it up. I just...what if I tell her I want to be with her, and she says no?”

“Mm,” Liam hummed in agreement. “You’re forgetting one thing, little brother.”

“What?” Killian asked, pressing the phone tighter against his ear, as if he could absorb Liam’s words through sheer force of will.

“You’re not with her now, and if you never say anything there won’t even be a chance of that changing. Be brave, Kil. It’ll be worth it.”

Valentine’s Day - Mid-morning...

KJ: Alright. Operation The Writing’s On The Wall is a go!

HS: Excellent! And Killian?

KJ: Yes?

HS: I’m glad you decided to take the risk. :)

KJ: Me too, lad. Me too.

HS: Oh, and Killian...I think I’m gonna take a risk too.

KJ: ?

HS: I’m going to ask Violet to dance tonight at the school’s Valentine thing. Wish me luck!

KJ: Best of luck, Henry.

Killian sent the final text, pocketed his phone, and picked up the first can of spray paint, ready to enact the plan he and Henry had concocted during ad hoc “strategy sessions” at the bakery. The lad had been persistent - showing up at Second Star after school every day for a week with different pieces of “evidence” supporting his case. All that, plus Liam’s recent advice, had convinced Killian to take action.

Thus, Operation The Writing’s on The Wall had been born.

(The name had been Henry’s idea).

Henry had also opened up a bit during their conversations about his blossoming affections for one of his classmates, Violet Clemens. Killian was touched Henry had turned to him for advice, though given the state of his own romantic affairs, he wasn’t sure he’d been able to help him very much.

He still wasn’t sure this wouldn’t end in spectacular disaster. Though he’d known deep down for some time that he’d been falling in love with Emma, because of past hurts he’d been afraid to explore it. But he’d come to realize Henry and Liam were right, he couldn’t keep holding back the truth. No matter how this turned out, he had to at least try to tell her. He didn’t know if this was the best way, but Henry had convinced him if Emma were going to take his declaration seriously, he needed to get her attention in a big way.

When did I start taking romantic advice from a pre-teen? He thought with a shake of his head. Contemplating the stretch of blank wall in front of him he hefted the can, adjusting it slightly to get a better grip with his good hand. No matter. In for a penny, in for a pound…

He raised his arm and took a deep breath. As he exhaled, he let the paint fly in graceful arcs across the brick, nearly closing his eyes as he lost himself in the rhythm of the work.

If this works, it’ll all be worth it...

Valentine’s Day - at night…

Emma shifted from foot to foot, cradling a warm pizza box in her arms and waiting impatiently for Killian to respond to her fervent knocking. After another moment or two had passed without any sign of him coming to let her in, she reached up and thumped on the door again. “C’mon, Jones!” she shouted for good measure. “The pizza’s getting cold...and so am I!!”

Finally, she heard shuffling footsteps coming down the hallway and the door to his seaside cottage swung slowly open. Killian grinned at her. “Evening, Swan. Patient as ever, I see.”

“Uggh,” she groaned, pushing past him with a good-natured bump of her shoulder against his. “I was freezing my ass off out there. Quite literally.”

He chuckled as he closed the door behind her. “Now, that would be a shame, it’s true.”

Her stomach swooped and she felt herself flush a little - to hide her reaction to his teasing, she turned and put the pizza box down on the kitchen island. Arching a brow at him. “I’d think you’d have a little more sympathy, especially considering I brought you pizza. Instead, you’re mocking me for falling prey to the vagaries of Maine winter weather.”

“Vagaries?” Killian asked, quirking his own eyebrow at her, he moved to the cabinet to get them plates. “Interesting word choice.”

She shrugged. “Hey, I do listen when you fancy-talk. Sometimes.”

He snorted and set the plates down next to the pizza. “How kind of you.”

“You know I try,” she said with a laugh before walking back to the entryway to hang up her coat. She paused as she passed back through the open plan living area, taking a moment to soak up the room’s coziness. It was one of Emma’s favorite places. An inviting, squishy-soft sofa faced a series of built in shelves crammed with books, knickknacks, and photos. The shelves flanked a squat fireplace lit with a warmly crackling fire. Killian’s television sat in one corner, and an armchair that matched the sofa was in another. Above the mantel hung a beautiful seascape that had been painted by Killian’s late mother, Alice.

(Apparently, Killian had taken after his mother artistically - though he’d long denied it, saying his talent never amounted to more than “doodling.” It frustrated Emma greatly that he’d never shown her much of his work).

When she returned to the kitchen, Killian had slipped two slices onto each of their plates and was rummaging around in his fridge for their beers. “So...what are we watching tonight?”

Killian handed her the plates, tucked a roll of paper towel under his left arm, and picked up the beers with his good hand, nodding in the direction of his television. “You can look over the selection yourself,” he murmured. “I had a bit of trouble deciding.”

“Really?” she asked, glancing over her shoulder at him as she moved to sit. “That’s not like you.”

He chuckled softly as he followed her and sat down on the other end of the sofa. “Yes, well,” he said, trading her one of the beer bottles for one of the plates of pizza. “Your list of off-limits movies was rather lengthy.”

She rolled her eyes. “I just didn’t want to be hit over the head for two hours with soppy romantic cliches. I get enough of those when I do movie night with Mary-Margaret. I’ve hit my quota for the year already, I think.”

“That is impressive, seeing as we’re only halfway through February,” he grinned, before taking a pull from his beer.

“Mm, well that’s Mary-Margaret for ya,” Emma concurred, leaning forward to look at the DVDs spread over the surface of the coffee table. There were action movies, a couple of selections from Marvel, and - predictably, where Killian was concerned - Star Wars. But a DVD set slightly apart from the others caught her eye. She grinned. Perfect. “Hmmm...how about that one?”

Killian nodded and got up to put Garden State in the player. They fell into a comfortable silence for a while, enjoying their pizza and beer, sometimes watching the movie and sometimes ignoring it in favor of trading their more colorful stories from the past week. (When Emma recounted the tale of her mysterious and artistic vandal, an odd expression flashed over Killian’s face, but it was gone and he was telling her about one of his amusing regulars at the bakery before she could process what had happened).

Around the point in the film when Zach Braff and Natalie Portman were standing on top of construction equipment at the bottom of a quarry and screaming their heads off, Killian glanced over at her, a soft smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. “How’d it go...getting Henry ready for the dance?”

She sighed and rolled her head to the side so she could look at him without sitting up from where she was slumped into the couch. He was closer than he’d been before - the two of them had gravitated into each other bit by bit during the course of the film. “You just had to bring that up, didn’t you? Part of the point of this movie night was to help me forget that for a while.”

He chuckled, shifting closer as he spoke. “C’mon now, Swan. Surely it couldn’t have been that bad.” He nudged her shoulder gently with his own. “It must have been at least a little bit exciting.”

Emma didn’t answer immediately, staring at the television without really seeing it. Finally, she nodded, albeit reluctantly. “It was...a bit...but also kinda terrifying...realizing he’s old enough to be excited about going to school dances.” She let herself lean further into Killian, dropping her head on his shoulder. Normally, she’d hold herself back more - casually touching him made her want things she was sure she couldn’t have, and she usually made sure to only do it in the smallest of doses - but tonight she just needed the comfort of his solid presence. “Is it horribly cliched if I say it felt like he was a toddler just a few days ago?”

“Not at all, Swan,” he murmured, curling his arm around her shoulders and pulling her further into his side. This is comfortable, she thought to herself. Dangerously so. But she couldn’t bring herself to pull away, soaking up Killian’s warmth as he continued. “It’s only natural you’d feel that way since the lad’s started showing an interest in dating and-”

She jerked upright, the motion causing his arm to fall away from her. But the flicker of regret she felt at that was mixed with a much larger dose of astonishment. “Dating? Who said anything about Henry dating?! Do you know something I don’t know? Killian, has he told you he likes someone?! Who?”

The apples of Killian’s cheeks flushed ever-so-slightly pink, which Emma secretly found adorable - but she pushed down the flip-flopping sensation in her stomach and waited him out. She needed answers about Henry too badly to think about how Killian somehow became even more handsome when he was flustered.

Finally, he spoke, tilting his head down and glancing up at her from under a slightly furrowed brow. “The lad...err...he does talk to me from time to time, Swan. Without betraying his trust, I can say there are...things...of a slightly romantic nature...that an almost-teenage boy doesn’t exactly want to share with his mother,” he said softly, reaching out to rest his left hand gently on her knee, “no matter how close the two of you may be.”

Emma considered that for a moment, swallowing down the nervous flutter caused partly by the thought of Henry taking his first steps (however tentative) into the world of dating, and partly by Killian’s proximity. She must have been lost in her thoughts for longer than she’d realized, because Killian had started speaking again, this time rather hesitantly.

“I...I do hope it’s alright he came to me Emma. You know I would have shared it with you - or urged Henry to do so himself - if I thought it were anything for you to be worried about. I hope I haven’t overstep-”

“No!” she cut him off, dropping her hand on top of his and interlacing their fingers. His eyes followed her action, seemingly transfixed by the way she’d reached for his injured hand without a second thought. “You didn’t - not at all. Killian,” she paused, waiting for him to look up at her before continuing. “I’m glad he feels he can talk to you about things like that...you have to know, I’m so glad he has you.”

“He does,” Killian agreed earnestly, his gaze never leaving hers. “You both do.”

Emma’s pulse picked up as the air around them thickened and grew warmer. Her mouth was suddenly dry and nothing could have torn her gaze away from Killian in that moment. For his part, he seemed equally transfixed, his eyes finally breaking from hers to flick down to her lips. Is he getting closer or is that me? Emma wondered. Maybe it’s both of us. Killian opened his mouth to speak again - to say what, she didn’t know - when suddenly her phone started ringing.

Craaaaaaaap.

-/-

Killian watched as Emma leapt off the couch, struggling to yank her phone out of her pocket before the caller hung up. She managed to answer it just in time, mouthing sorry at him before disappearing into his kitchen to take the call.

He flopped into the cushions with a sigh before scrubbing his hand through his hair. How the bloody hell did that happen?! One minute they’d been having a totally normal movie night, and the next they were bang in the middle of what had felt like some sort of relationship changing moment. Almost. The truly boggling thing was that they had reached that point, but not at all in the way Killian had anticipated.

Of course, if you’d gotten over your own nerves and eased into declaring your feelings the way you’d planned, things might have been very different right about now...one way or another.

Glancing over the back of the couch, Killian could see Emma pacing around the kitchen with increasing speed, her phone still glued to her ear. She was gesturing emphatically with her free hand, the tone of her voice rising in pitch. Though he couldn’t really make out what she was saying, he had no trouble catching it when she semi-growled “are you fucking kidding me, David?!”

Killian wasn’t sure whether he was grateful or disappointed that it seemed their evening were coming to an abrupt and unexpected end. The ache of his as-yet unconfessed feelings mingled unpleasantly with relief that he hadn’t done something to utterly screw up their friendship.

“Hey, I’m so sorry, but I’ve gotta run,” Emma said, striding back into the living area, her words pulling him from his reverie. “You would not believe what I’m going to have to go deal with.”

Killian got to his feet, following her towards the entryway. He leaned against the wall, watching her bundle herself back into her coat. “Scarlet?” he guessed. She nodded. “What’s he done now, then?”

She whirled to face him, her expression a picture of exasperation. “Disturbed the peace, for one. He had the oh-so-brilliant idea that serenading his ex on Valentine’s Day would be the best way to get her back. It seems that neither she, or her new girlfriend, agreed.”

“Oh dear,” Killian said with feigned sympathy, his eyebrow quirking up. “That is unfortunate.”

“Yeah,” Emma grumbled. “Ana’s neighbors didn’t take too kindly to it either, as he decided he was going to stand under her window and belt out love songs for half an hour. David’s still on scene taking statements. I get the fun job of picking Scarlet up at the hospital and arresting him once they’re done treating him.”

“What?”

“Oh, yeah...the best part is I’m also going to have to charge him with public indecency. He decided the perfect way to carry out his plan was dressed as Cupid.”

“In Maine? In February?!” Killian asked incredulously. “What was he thinking?!”

Emma shoved her beanie back down over her curls. “Who the hell knows what, or if, he’s ever thinking. Apparently, his...loincloth or whatever...was very, um, skimpy. David mentioned they’re worried about frostbite.”

“Jesus,” Killian muttered, “I actually almost feel sorry for him.”

“Yeah,” Emma nodded. “I guess his heart was in the right place...but some guys are just not cut out for grand romantic gestures. Anyway,” she looked up at him, her gaze unmistakably tinged with regret, “I’m sorry I’ve gotta cut our movie night short, especially for this nonsense...but I’d better get a move on.”

“Don’t worry about it, Swan,” he said. “I understand - duty calls. Maybe we can get lunch this week.”

“I’d like that,” she said with a soft smile before turning to leave, her reluctance to go sparking a fresh wave of hope that perhaps he wasn’t alone in his feelings.

He shivered in the burst of cold air that swept in when she opened the door, watching her go and raising a hand to wave as she jogged down the walkway towards her car.

As the door swung shut, he leaned against it, his head falling against the wood with a thunk. He scrubbed a hand over his face and back into his hair, sighing heavily.

The plan - at least this part of it - had been simple. Movie night with Emma had already been on tap before he and Henry had concocted their “operation.” Whereas Henry had argued for boldly taking romantic action, Killian had thought highlighting the familiar would be comforting - he’d theorized it would put Emma at ease.

So this had been the compromise - dramatic romantic graffiti to get her attention, and then a quiet night in where he’d reveal that he was the artist and then tell her he was more than halfway to being in love with her. Simple, right? It had proved to be anything but. He sighed again and pushed himself off the door when something Emma had said suddenly struck him. A grin spread across his face, a new version of the plan beginning to take form in his mind.

Scarlet might not be able to pull off a grand romantic gesture...but I certainly can.

February 22 - Mid-Afternoon…

“I take it you know Kristoff finally proposed?” Elsa asked, her expression discernibly wry even through their less-than-stellar Skype connection.

“Um, yeah,” Emma laughed. “If the approximately thirty texts Anna sent me over the past week hadn’t given it away, Ingrid came around the other day to share the news.”

“And to gently probe about your own love life, right?” Elsa arched a knowing eyebrow.

“Let me guess, she called you?” It wasn’t really a question. Emma knew her adoptive mother well, and she’d been expecting her visit from the moment Anna had sent her first exclamation point riddled text. It wasn’t hard to fathom Ingrid would have contacted Elsa too.

When she’d been bouncing her way through the foster system as a kid, Emma hadn’t imagined someone like Ingrid Fisher - a fierce and protective foster mother who hadn’t given up on her even when she’d run away, met Neal, and come back to Storybrooke pregnant and alone. Ingrid had adopted Emma as well as Elsa and Anna (her two orphaned nieces) and had never looked back. It hadn’t always been easy, but eventually the four of them had become the family Emma’d never dared to let herself dream of - something she was grateful for every day.

“Yup,” Elsa confirmed with a sigh. “She was fairly disappointed to hear that work’s been keeping me so busy lately. She hid it pretty well, though. I’ll give her credit.”

“Mm,” Emma hummed in agreement. “I got pretty much the same reaction when I told her I’m more focused on figuring out Henry’s love life than my own right now.”

Elsa laughed before catching herself. “Wait a minute, are you serious? Henry has a love life? When did that happen?”

“I’m not really sure,” Emma’s brow furrowed, and she reached for the cup of cocoa sitting on the kitchen table. “He hasn’t really said too much to me about it - I only found out because Killian spilled the beans when I was over at his place last week.” She took a sip of cocoa. “Apparently, Henry’s been talking to him about someone at school that he likes, and he came home from the Valentine’s dance with a goofy grin and a friendship bracelet I’ve never seen before. I’ve tried to give him his space, but…”

“I’m sure he’ll tell you more when he’s ready, Em,” Elsa reassured. “You know you’ve got a good kid there.”

“A great one,” Emma agreed. “I just...I don’t want to pull an Ingrid on him, but...I guess I’m understanding how she feels a bit more. It’s tough when your kid gets their first real crush - he’s growing up faster than I can deal with.”

Elsa looked at her sympathetically for a moment. “If anyone can make it through the terrible tween years, it’s going to be you and Henry, Emma.”

“I know. I do. Really.” She smiled at her adoptive sister gratefully. She was still a bit rattled by Henry’s burgeoning romance and the fact he didn’t seem to want to share too much about it with her, but talking with Elsa always had a way of calming her down and making her see things more clearly. “Anyway...I know you must want to hear about all the crazy things you’ve missed out on here this past week.”

Elsa laughed. “True. I know that Anna’s engagement can’t have been the only big news. I need my weekly dose of Storybrooke gossip.”

Emma spent the next forty-five minutes filling Elsa in on the happenings of their small hometown, and listening as Elsa related the news of her week in Boston. She missed her sister deeply, but was so proud of her for pursuing her legal career even though it had taken her away from home. Weekly phone or video calls were their way of staying close even when they couldn’t be in the same space and Emma cherished them.

She was just wrapping up telling Elsa about the absolute insanity that was the ongoing Will Scarlet saga when a thoughtful expression crossed Elsa’s face. “What’s that look for?”

Elsa hesitated, then looked directly at Emma, her gaze piercing even through the computer screen. “You said earlier you were at Killian’s last week, and you just mentioned you were at his place when you had to go take care of Scarlet. Did you and Killian spend Valentine’s Day together?”

“Oh,” Emma was caught short, not having expected that. “Um...kind of.”

“Kind of? What exactly does that mean, Emma?”

“You sound like Ingrid,” Emma grumbled, putting her now nearly empty mug down and crossing her arms over her stomach.

“Emma,” Elsa chided, leveling her with a look that demanded answers more effectively than anything she could have said.

“It was a movie night. Just like every movie night we’ve ever had since we’ve been friends. Nothing else,” she replied, though she couldn’t meet Elsa’s eyes.

“Huh,” Elsa responded. “Then why are you blushing and not able to look at me?”

“Jeez! Are you this persistent in court?” Emma muttered.

“Yes,” Elsa replied calmly. “Especially when I know I’m on to something. ”

“Oh my God, El!” Emma exclaimed, finally locking eyes with her. “It was a normal movie night - it was,” she reiterated at Elsa’s skeptical look, “but then...it got a little weird.”

“In what way?”

Emma shrugged. “We started talking about Henry...that’s when I found out he’s been talking to Killian about dating...and things got a little...emotional. Killian said something about always being there for both of us and...wealmostkissed,” she finished, speeding through the last few words before she chickened out.

Elsa looked thoughtful, but not surprised. “Don’t you think this invalidates your argument?”

“Huh?” She stared at her sister in confusion.

“What we were talking about at New Year’s,” Elsa said matter-of-factly. “When you claimed you couldn’t tell Killian you were in love with him because he absolutely and positively only saw you as a good friend. Seems like that’s not so much the case, is it? I mean,” she continued, “he was about to kiss you too, right?”

Emma nodded weakly. “Yeah,” she murmured.

“Oh, Emma,” Elsa sighed ”I hate to see you so twisted up about this. You’ve got to tell Killian how you feel.”

The two women simply stared at each other for a moment, Emma spoke. “What if I’m wrong though?” she asked quietly. “Or what if he does want something more too, but it doesn’t work out? He’s one of my best friends. I can’t lose him,” she finished, emotion rendering her voice little more than a whisper.

Elsa regarded Emma candidly. “First, anybody who sees the two of you together can tell how much you care about each other. When I was back home for Christmas the amount of heart eyes the two of you were making at each other was off the charts. Plus, you spent most of Ruby’s Christmas party glued to each other’s sides.” Elsa chuckled. “You’re almost more coupley than David and Mary-Margaret.”

“No one is more coupley than David and Mary-Margaret,” Emma shot back instinctively, a hint of a smile finally breaking through the tension that gripped her.

“That may be true,” Elsa conceded, “but the two of you looked pretty darn together for people who aren’t actually dating. Liam agrees with me, by the way,” she finished before her eyes widened and she clapped her hand over her mouth.

“Oh he does, does he?” Emma queried, noting that Elsa suddenly looked like she wanted to slide off her chair and out of sight. “Just how long have you two been comparing notes?”

Elsa straightened, shaking her head firmly. “Oh no...no deflecting. This is not about me.”

“Hm, countering my deflecting with evasion,” Emma mused. “That means it’s been at least a few months. Oh!” she brightened, a thought striking her. “I bet it’s been since his last visit here - you were home then for Ingrid’s birthday. Is he the real reason you’ve not had time for dating lately?”

“Emma!” Elsa said sharply, a pink blush staining her normally pale cheeks. “I will tell you all about it. Later. I promise. Right now, this is about you, and you have to remember a couple of important things.”

“I’m listening,” she murmured.

“As you yourself said, Killian is one of your best friends...and he’s Killian. Do you really think if you tried being together and - for whatever inconceivable reason - it didn’t work out, he’d just cut you out of his life? You know him better than that, Emma. That man is as loyal as they come.”

Emma pondered her sister’s words. Elsa did have a point - Killian wasn’t the sort of person who would just cut her, or Henry, out of his life if a romantic relationship between them flamed out. She thought back over their friendship - meeting him four years ago when he’d flown over for Regina’s wedding to a childhood friend of his, and re-meeting him when he’d moved back to Storybrooke to start his bakery. Graham had died in the year in between the first and second times she’d met Killian, turning Emma’s life upside down.

But Killian had been just who she’d so desperately needed back then - her other friends had all been too concerned, too worried, too much. Killian hadn’t been a total stranger, but he’d been enough of an unknown quantity that being around him had been peaceful, a way of escaping the sometimes smothering shared history she had with all the people in her life who’d known and loved Graham too. Killian had slowly revealed his own hurts and losses, and his reasons for wanting a fresh start in a fresh country. Gradually their friendship had deepened, taking on a life of its own beyond comparing the battle wounds life had given them. He’d become her rock - and over this last year, she’d realized friendship just wasn’t enough to encompass everything he meant to her. She knew it was a cliche, but she’d gone and fallen into the deep end of love with her best friend.

Cautiously, she nodded. “You may have a point,” she acknowledged. “You said there were a couple of things, though. What was the other one?”

“You already love him, Em. You’ve admitted as much to me a few different times. Those feelings haven’t gone away, have they?”

Emma shook her head. “You know they haven’t.”

“Exactly. So things between you are already different because you have made that leap - in your heart, at least. You can’t unfeel what you feel...If you tell him, either you’ll be able to work through it and let it go, or the more likely thing will happen.”

“Which is?”

“You’ll be ridiculously and disgustingly happy together and unseat the Nolans for the Cutest Couple in Storybrooke title,” Elsa finished triumphantly.

Emma rolled her eyes, but her smile grew. “That is not possible. They’ve reigned for too long. Buuuuut...I think you’re right about the rest of it.”

“I know I am.”

Emma hesitated for a moment. “I’m scared, El.”

“Of what, exactly?” her sister asked, patience coloring her tone.

Emma had the feeling Elsa knew what she was going to say, but Emma forced herself to speak anyway. “I can’t lose him the way I lost Graham.”

Elsa was silent for a few moments. When she finally spoke her tone was serious, and her question, once again, was unexpected. “Do you regret being with Graham?”

“No!” Emma’s responded instantly. “But losing him was horrible and Killian...I know it’s not fair to compare them...but he means even more to me. I don’t know how I’d cope if we were together and he…”

Elsa nodded. “If you’d known what was going to happen, would you still have gotten involved with Graham?”

Emma sighed. “Of course. I’d never trade the time we had together.”

“I thought you’d say that,” Elsa said, her tone slightly smug. “So why wouldn’t that be true for you and Killian too?” Emma looked up to find her sister smiling at her through the screen. “The prosecution rests,” she said with a grin.

“Very clever, counselor,” Emma said with begrudging admiration.

“Thank you. Now, what are you going to do about Killian?”

Emma sighed again. “I don’t know. I’ve got to think of the right way to bring it up.”

“Well, personally I’d suggest blurting it at him and then tackle-kissing him,” Elsa teased.

Emma laughed, the tension starting to leave her body. “Just because that worked for Anna and Kristoff, doesn’t mean it’s going to work for me.”

“I know,” Elsa replied. “But whatever you decide to do...don’t wait too long. For both your sakes.”

February 23 - Early morning…

Emma left the house feeling upbeat, her conversation with Elsa the day before having instilled a new sense of determination in her to finally, finally talk to Killian about her feelings.

That determination lasted all of twenty minutes, and fizzled out abruptly when she approached Second Star after dropping Henry off at school. She’d planned on walking right into the bakery, grabbing her usual order, and confidently asking Killian if he wanted to get dinner that evening - somewhere other than Granny’s. Then at dinner she would tell him - she’d spent a lot of time the night before figuring out the best way to ease into it - and hope that Elsa was right and it wouldn’t ruin their friendship.

But as she walked up to the bakery, admiring the way the warm light from inside spilled out its wide front windows into the gray wintry bleakness of the overcast day, her steps slowed and then stopped.

What if Elsa’s wrong? It’s not like this is a gigantic town - we won’t be able to avoid each other...maybe this is a mistake. Being friends is good. It’s enough.

Except the moment she spotted Killian through the windows, emerging from the back room with a tray of freshly baked muffins, the warmth that shot through her system and the fluttering feeling that burst to life in her belly proved her a liar.

You can do this, Emma.

With that final internal pep talk, she closed the remaining distance to the bakery and pushed inside. The bell over the door jangled merrily as she entered and Killian’s gaze followed the sound. As soon as his eyes caught hers, he grinned. “Why Swan, to what do I owe this pleasure? I thought you were covering the early shift this morning.”

“I am,” she replied, “but you know me...the earlier I have to go in, the more I want bear claws to offset the pain of doing paperwork. Care to help a girl out?”

“You know it, Swan,” he said, wiggling his eyebrows ridiculously as his tongue darted out to wet his lips. Emma fought the urge to moisten her own in response, biting her bottom lip instead. Killian moved towards the front case and grabbed a couple of the biggest bear claws, dropping them into a light blue bag emblazoned with the Second Star logo and handing them to her. “Should still be warm - I put them out just a few minutes ago.”

“Thanks,” she said softly, swallowing hard. This is it - now or never, Emma. “Hey listen, I was wondering if you were free-”

Before she could finish, the door swung open with such force its bell didn’t just ring, it nearly flew off. A gust of icy wind followed the entrance of a statuesque and elegantly dressed redhead who made a beeline for the counter without sparing a glance at Emma or bothering to close the door. “There you are, Killian darling!” she exclaimed in a lightly accented voice. “I’m just bursting with news!”

Emma felt her eyebrows shoot up in surprise. He glanced in her direction briefly before responding to the other woman. “Good morning, Zelena,” he said quietly. “Lovely to see you again. Give me just a moment and I can give you my undivided attention.”

The woman - Zelena, Emma mentally corrected - whirled around, noticing Emma for the first time. A smile, bright but tinged with something a bit frightening around the edges, lit up her face before she turned back to Killian. “Alright,” she practically purred, “but don’t keep me waiting too long.” With that, she brushed past Emma and moved towards the corner table, gracefully sinking down into one of the chairs and pulling out her phone.

Emma looked at Killian, whose attention was still on the woman in the corner. She had no idea who this woman was or why she was treating Killian with such familiarity, but suffice it to say that the big moment she’d been gearing herself up for was gone. Gesturing to the door, Emma broke the brief silence that had fallen between them. “I, uh, actually do have to get going,” she said, “but I’ll text you later, alright?”

What looked like disappointment flickered across Killian’s face, and he opened his mouth to say something, but Zelena piped up, her voice piercing the silence. “Whatever you’re doing tonight, cancel it,” she said, her words clearly aimed at Killian. “We’re going to need to celebrate and I’ve got just the place in mind.”

Suddenly, Emma couldn’t stand being in the bakery for one more moment. Barely meeting Killian’s eyes, she muttered a quick goodbye and stepped out into the coldness of the day, the freezing air seemingly penetrating her heart instantly. She thought she heard him call her name, but didn’t stop or look back. She was finding it hard to draw breath and emotions she refused to name had tears pricking at the corners of her eyes.

There’s probably a rational explanation. Killian would have told you if he were seeing someone new, she tried to reassure herself. Wouldn’t he?

The uncertainty followed her all the way to the station, and she had trouble concentrating for most of the morning. She was actually grateful for the call that came in just before lunch. It seemed the artistic vandal had struck again, this time down at the Cannery.

Thankful for anything to take her mind off Killian, she picked up her radio, let David know they had a case, and headed for the docks.

-/-

As Emma bolted from the bakery, not even stopping when he called after her, Killian’s heart sank. He’d been so glad to see her, but Zelena’s somewhat unexpected appearance and ill-timed interjections had thrown everything off. He needed the large contract she was offering him - supplying baked goods for the local chain of B&Bs she owned with her partner would have a huge impact on his business - but he wished she’d shown up at literally any other time.

Turning back to her after it was clear Emma was truly gone, he mustered up a smile and agreed to meet Zelena and her partner, Cruella, at a quiet restaurant near the waterfront that evening to sign the contract and - as she put it - “celebrate properly.” As soon as they’d confirmed their dinner plans, she whirled back out the door in a flurry of red curls and a cloud of expensive perfume. He was momentarily frozen in place as he processed the events of the morning before shaking himself out of his stupor.

Before he could meet Zelena he had to finish setting out the rest of the items he’d already baked that morning, and in the afternoon he and his head bakery assistant, William Smee, had to start on several special order cakes. But first, he had a very important errand to run. He finished putting the muffins into the front case and headed back to the kitchen.

“Smee,” he said loudly in an attempt to get the other man to look up from where he was piping thin streams of melted chocolate in elaborate shapes onto waxed paper. Smee didn’t respond and Killian belatedly realized he’d popped headphones in. “Smee,” he repeated more loudly, tapping him on the shoulder. Smee startled, smudging one of the chocolate designs with the side of his hand.

“Oh dammit,” Smee muttered, dropping the piping bag on the counter and reaching for a rag. Pulling his headphones off, he glanced up at Killian. “Was that really necessary?”

“Sorry,” Killian replied, “but I need to head out a bit earlier than planned for that errand. Wendy should be in soon to cover the front, but can you finish setting everything else out and keep an eye out in case there are customers before she gets here? I’ll be back after lunch and we’ll get going on the first of those orders.”

Smee nodded. “Sure thing, boss. Hey, would you mind bringing back-”

“A tuna melt on rye and a double order of fries?” Killian guessed, and Smee nodded again. “Not a problem. See you in a bit.”

Killian took off his apron and hung it on a peg by the back door before grabbing his jacket, keys, and a satchel filled with several canisters of spray paint. Pulling his hat out of his jacket pocket, he tugged it down over his ears as he shouldered the door open and stepped out into the cold, crisp air. Walking down the alleyway that ran behind Second Star, he moved with purpose in the direction of the waterfront.

He was about to take the next step in his plan to court Emma - he only hoped it worked.

-/-

Emma stared at the back wall of the Storybrooke Cannery, her mouth slightly open in awe. Writing scrolled across the entire back wall of the building in looping, elegant lines. She’d not been immediately familiar with it, but a quick websearch had revealed it was part of a Shakespearean sonnet.

Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,

But bears it out even to the edge of doom.

She gazed at the words - lines of green and gold boxed them in like a frame - for a moment longer. There was something vaguely familiar about the swoop and swirl of the writing, but she couldn’t quite put her finger on where she’d seen it before. She turned to Eric Prince, the Cannery’s day shift supervisor, with a frown. “You’re sure no one saw who did this?”

Eric shrugged. “The first shift was in full swing and all my guys were on the line - it’s pretty quiet back here unless it’s lunchtime or shift change.”

Emma nodded. “Of course,” she said, feeling a bit defeated that once again she had nothing to go on. “Do you want to press charges when we find who did this?”

Eric looked at her, then up at the graffiti. “That’s not really up to me - I kind of like it. But you’re going to have to ask the owner.”

Emma sighed. Talking to old Mr. Svendsen, whose family had run the Cannery practically since Storybrooke had first existed, was not high on her list. (He was a sweet man, but getting on in years and notoriously hard of hearing - conversations with him tended to last forever and she just did not have the time). Still, she knew she had to see this through. “Alright,” she said. “Is he in his office?”

“Uh, yep.” Eric turned towards the building and Emma followed him inside.

Emma found, after a roughly half hour conversation, that Mr. Svendsen didn’t want was to press charges. He apparently liked the graffiti, and decided it gave the building a nice change of pace.

Shaking her head as she stepped back outside, she turned to look at the graffiti once more. “I’ve got to be missing something here,” she muttered. “Twice in a month? In this town? It’s got to be the same person...but no one wants to press charges. I don’t get it.”

“Talking to yourself, Emma? That’s not good,” David said with a grin as he came around the corner of the building.

“Ha ha,” Emma rolled her eyes. “I’m just frustrated this has happened again and we’re no closer to figuring out who’s behind it than we were the first time - and that the building owner doesn’t want to press charges this time either. I mean, it is a crime.”

“Well,” David said thoughtfully, “I see your point...but this isn’t the worst thing we’ve had to deal with on the job. It’s actually kinda romantic, isn’t it?”

“Not you too!” she cried, throwing up her hands in disbelief. “That’s practically the same thing that Eric and Svendsen said.”

“Well maybe we’re onto something,” he said with a grin, falling into step beside her as she headed back towards the cruiser.

“It’s more like you all have some kind of Valentine’s hangover,” she grumbled. “We’re supposed to enforce the law, David, not admire the work of vandals.”

“I know that,” he said jovially. “But we can’t do anything if the owners don’t want to press charges...besides, you’ve got to admit, that,” he pointed over his shoulder at the graffiti, “is not just vandalism...whoever’s doing this is really good.”

“I guess,” she conceded, though privately she did agree with David. “Still wish we had some clue to go on though.”

David looked at her thoughtfully as they got in the cruiser and backed out of the parking lot. “I think that’s the real root of the problem.”

“What is?”

“It’s not that this is - technically - a crime that’s bothering you,” he replied. “You’re more upset you can’t figure out who did it.”

Emma was silent for a moment before she groaned. “Okay. Yes. Fine. There are no real clues and no one will press charges so I feel like it’d be kind of pathetic if I keep investigating anyway, and the not knowing is driving me nuts, I’ll admit it. Okay?!”

“As long as you admit it,” David said, trying - and failing - to muffle his laughter.

“You are impossible,” she said, doing her best to inject a glare into her tone since she couldn’t take her eyes off the road long enough to actually look at him.

“Yeah, but I put up with you, so…”

“You’re just asking for it, aren’t you Nolan?” she replied, teasingly. “Well, just for that, you’re buying lunch,” she said as she parked near Granny’s.

They got out and headed towards the diner, David grumbling good-naturedly. As they reached the steps, the door swung open. Before Emma knew it, she was face to face with a slightly harried looking Killian.

After their encounter at Second Star earlier in the morning, Emma had hoped to have a bit more time to process her jumbled thoughts and emotions - but as she’d been actively trying to avoid thinking about how awkward it had been, she hadn’t actually dealt with anything she’d been feeling.

All of which led to more awkwardness now. They stared silently at each other for what felt like an absurdly long amount of time. Killian recovered more quickly, breaking their shared gaze and looking down at his feet for a moment before glancing back up at her. “Swan, I’m glad I bumped into you. You left so quickly this morning, I never got to explain-”

“You don’t have to explain anything,” Emma cut in, acutely aware of the fact they were standing in Granny’s open doorway and David was only a couple of feet behind her. “I had to get to work, you had plans to make. We’re both adults,” she said, dropping her voice so David couldn’t overhear her. “Not everything we do has to revolve around each other’s schedule.”

She’d been aiming for breezy and unaffected, but her tone must have come off as slightly bitter, because Killian flinched before plastering on a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Right, of course. I know that, but I rather enjoy spending time with you, Swan...and I’d hoped you did too,” he muttered, before raising his voice to a more normal pitch and addressing both her and David. “Got to head back now. Smee gets disgruntled if I don’t feed him regularly,” he joked, lightly shaking the bag of food he had clutched in his hand.

He brushed past her gently, giving her one last fleeting, emotion-filled glance before heading down the steps. She didn’t have time to react before he was gone and David was urging her inside.

She muddled her way through lunch, only half paying attention to David’s theories about the art vandal and his stories about what he and Mary-Margaret had done last weekend. She responded in the appropriate places, but part of her attention was elsewhere.

She was still thinking about Killian when they headed back to the station for the rest of their shift. As they walked into the office, Emma’s phone buzzed. Fishing it out, she was a bit nervous to see a text from Killian. But when she read it, the tension she’d unconsciously been carrying leached out of her body and a smile spread across her face.

KJ: Sorry if I was a bit rude when I saw you earlier, Swan. Big business dinner tonight - that slightly scary woman you met this morning is a new client who’s been keeping me on my toes.

She breathed a sigh of relief, which was quickly followed by a cringe of embarrassment - she couldn’t believe she’d been so ready to be jealous of someone who turned out to be a client of Killian’s. She was the one who owed Killian an apology for acting so strangely that morning - but she couldn’t really apologize without explaining why she’d been out of sorts in the first place, and confessing your undying love for your best friend over text message just seemed unbearably like something out of one of Mary-Margaret’s beloved rom coms.

ES: Nothing to apologize for - I was the one who got kinda short with you. Sorry about that, btw. Hope all goes well tonight. Tell me all about it soon. Lunch tomorrow?

His affirmative response came back nearly instantaneously, and Emma smiled. Her day was suddenly looking up, and tomorrow she’d have another chance to try to change things for the better between her and Killian. This time, she wouldn’t screw it up.

Late February-Early June…

Emma didn’t screw up that second chance with Killian - but it wasn’t due to any great show of bravery on her part.

Their lunch the day after their awkward encounter at Granny’s had been interrupted by Leroy, one of the workers at the town’s mine, getting into a fight with a group of bikers. Emma had had to dash out of the diner mid-lunch, apologizing profusely to Killian. He’d understood and they’d agreed to try for a movie night the following week.

But then Henry’d come down with the flu and Emma’d spent two weeks taking care of him and all thoughts of movie nights - and confessing feelings - were strictly off the table. When Henry was finally feeling better, it was Killian’s turn to be less available. The Easter season was always busy at Second Star, and ever since he’d signed the contract to be the main bakery supplier for Zelena and Cruella’s local chain of inns, he’d been flooded with work. He’d had to hire and train two new bakers just to keep up with the orders for the inns so he and Smee could focus on the rest of the bakery’s pre-existing workload.

In the middle of all of that, Elsa had spontaneously visited for Ingrid’s birthday in late April, and, in a move that pretty much confirmed Emma’s suspicions about the two of them, Liam had turned up for an extended vacation around the same time - he’d stayed until almost the middle of May. Killian had been grateful to have the time with his brother (not to mention another set of hands in the bakery - the pair of them had practically been raised in their aunt and uncle’s bakery in England. Liam was almost as skilled as Killian, even if he’d not pursued baking as a career), but by the time Liam had headed back home to London the spring had flown by.

Emma also had been pursuing the artistic vandal all over town. In March, the side wall of the flower shop, Game of Thorns, was painted with “If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more,” from Jane Austen’s Emma. April saw the convent’s garden retaining wall get decorated with a portrait of a woman. Her face was mostly hidden, but her long golden hair seemed to float on an invisible breeze and her arm was outstretched. Most striking of all, she held a vibrant crimson heart in her hand.

In May, the artist (Emma had finally given up on calling him a vandal) was back to Shakespeare. This time it was a quote from Much Ado About Nothing - “I were but little happy if I could say how much. Lady, as you are mine, I am yours” - covering the sidewalk in front of the middle school. The words were outlined and embellished with golden flourishes, and followed by a pair of clasped hands, the fingers interlaced. Something familiar about that image tugged at the back of Emma’s brain, but it refused to cohere into a usable clue.

Emma was still frustrated she couldn’t uncover the artist’s identity - particularly since after the art at Game of Thorns and the convent, it had become clear that whoever this artist was, they intended these messages for her. A little voice in the back of her mind had wondered - at first - if she should be creeped out by that.

But there was just something about this art that was familiar. It made her feel warm and safe, as though the artist’s emotions were bleeding through the work, reaching out, and wrapping around her. It made her feel cherished - she couldn’t bring herself to take a cynical view of it. After several pieces had appeared around town, she created a photo array of them all at the station, and spent far too many hours staring at them when she should have been working.

(If a little voice in the back of her head insisted it was Killian...well, she chalked it up to her own wishful thinking and forced herself to set the thoughts aside).

The last several months had also wrought a difference in her relationship with Killian. Though they’d never really talked about the Valentine’s Day Near Kissing Incident, and the circumstances of their hectic lives had kept Emma from making another serious attempt to discuss her feelings with him, things had slowly and subtly shifted between them.

In the few times they’d been able to spend any significant time together over the past few months, they’d been far more tactile - Killian curling an arm around her shoulder at Ingrid’s birthday party, Emma looping her arm through his as they strolled through the park, his hand on the small of her back as they listened to Liam tell stories about his work, and on and on.

They were almost testing the waters of couplehood without explicitly discussing it - afraid if they examined what they were doing too closely, they wouldn’t have the courage to actually keep doing it.

Emma wasn’t sure what had prompted it, but she was definitely enjoying it - it had made her even more hopeful that when she finally got a damn moment to make her confession, it would be well-received.

But she was beaten to the punch before she could ever put her newfound resolve to the test.

First Saturday in June…

“Hey Mom?” Henry’s voice preceded him down the stairs of their apartment, his heavy footfalls thunking from his room to the kitchen where Emma was sitting at the table enjoying her morning coffee and flipping through the Storybrooke Mirror.

“Yeah, kid?” she replied, looking up as he plopped himself down across from her.

“Could we go to the library today? Like, soon-ish? There’s a couple of books I need for a project, and uh...I really need Belle’s help finding them,” he said, fidgeting as he waited for her reply.

“Why’s it so urgent?” she asked, raising a brow expectantly. She had a feeling that she knew what was coming - she just needed Henry to say it.

“I, uh, didn’t exactly start it as soon as I should and...I can get it done in time, don’t worry!” he reassured her, “but I need to go pick up these books today if I’m going to make it happen,” he said, flashing her his best i’m-cute-and-usually-better-prepared-than-this-so-please-don’t-punish-me-for-leaving-homework-till-the-last-minute-just-this-once grin.

After holding his stare for a moment, Emma shook her head and laughed under her breath. “Sure kid.” She had no doubt Henry would create something amazing, and it really wasn’t like him to leave things late, so she wasn’t worried it would become a habit. “But why do you need me to go? Usually, you head down there on your own.”

“Yeah,” Henry agreed, “but I was kinda hoping we could go to Granny’s for pancakes after.”

“Ahhh, now the truth is revealed,” Emma laughed. She pretended to think for a moment, but really, Henry had gotten to her the moment he’d said pancakes. “Alright, kid. Let’s go.”

-/-

Emma should’ve suspected something was up when - after they’d finally left the library and headed for the diner- she started getting slightly strange looks from the townsfolk. Everyone was smiling at her, and a few people gave her a thumbs up - most disturbingly, Leroy winked at her.

Shrugging it off and following Henry into Granny’s, she noticed her son was absorbed in his phone, texting with dizzying speed. “What’s up?” she questioned as they slid into a booth.

“Huh?” he looked up for a moment before his phone buzzed and he was engrossed again. “Oh, um, it’s just Avery...we’re trying to figure out plans for tomorrow. He was asking if I could come over for the afternoon. Can I, please?”

“Maybe. If you get that project finished first, okay. Do that and then we’ll talk.”

“That’s fair,” Henry said with a grin as the waitress arrived at their table.

“I’m glad you think so,” Emma said with a chuckle. They ordered and spent the time waiting for their pancakes to arrive chatting about what Henry had done in school the prior week and some of the plans they’d already been making for his summer vacation (which, according to Henry, couldn’t start soon enough).

It wasn’t until Emma was paying their bill that Henry’s phone started buzzing again. He looked at it briefly and fired off a text before they headed out the door. As they descended Granny’s front steps, Henry spoke again. “Mom, do you mind if we walk home by the park?”

“Yeah, sure...You still need to get to your homework as soon as we get home, but I don’t see why not as long as we don’t stay too long,” she agreed. “It’ll help work off the mountain of pancakes we just inhaled.” They turned in the direction of the park, enjoying the warm breeze and dappled sunlight as it fell through the trees lining the wide streets.

Though Emma began to regret agreeing to Henry’s suggestion as even more passers-by shot odd looks and smiles her way. Seriously, what is UP with everyone today?!

She didn’t have much longer to wonder. As they approached the park, Emma saw her name, painted in large, looping curls and swoops, stretching across the sidewalk in front of the main entrance gate. An arrow, outlined in gold, pointed down the walkway leading away from the gate, and she could just make out the clustered shapes of several hearts a few feet beyond that. “What?” she asked, dumbstruck. “Henry, did you know this would be here?” she glanced back at her son, who had stopped a few feet behind her.

Well, this certainly explains all the strange looks.

“Uh, maybe?” he replied sheepishly, shoving his hands in his pockets. “Yes, kinda,” he corrected. “Okay, yes.”

“Wait a minute,” she turned back to face him. “Do you know who’s been behind this? Have you known the whole time?”

“Look, Mom...but don’t you want to find out who’s at the other end of that path?” he asked. “I’m going to head home and get started on my project, and,” he continued, seeing she had opened her mouth to interject, “I’ve asked Mary-Margaret to come around and keep an eye on me - so don’t worry. I’ll be fine. Go!” he smiled at her encouragingly and shooed her towards the park entrance.

“Don’t think you’re getting out of telling me every single thing later, Henry David Swan,” she warned, though the grin tugging at the corner of her mouth made her words far less stern than she’d intended. He nodded and took off down the street as she turned back to the park entrance.

She gazed at her name again for a moment before stepping into the park and onto the path. As she followed the arrow to the cluster of hearts, her pulse accelerated and a sense of nervous excitement settled over her. A little further into the park, the path diverged and she looked around in momentary confusion before spotting more words painted on the left-hand path, the one leading towards the gazebo in the center of the park.

“This is it. This is life...” she murmured aloud, reading along with the words. There was something vaguely familiar about the phrasing - it tugged at her memory, and she must have recognized it on some subconscious level, because her pulse kicked up even further.

She followed the path a bit further and saw more words painted on the old, cracking asphalt.

“...And I'm in love with you...I think that's the only thing I've ever really been sure of in my entire life…” she whispered, again reading along with the text. Another group of hearts and another golden arrow followed that part of the quote, which she now recognized was from Garden State.

In that moment, she was certain.

She’d had her suspicions - and hopes - as to who the mystery artist was. But that quote cemented it. Her steps picked up speed as she headed for the last stretch of the path, looking ahead as she approached the gazebo.

There, stretching along the last section of the pathway, were the final words. “... I don't want to waste any more of my life without you in it.” Killian stepped out from under the roof of the gazebo, a small smile on his face. “Hello, Swan,” he murmured.

She didn’t stop moving, she didn’t slow down - in fact she sped up as she got closer to him, and when she reached him, she promptly punched him in the shoulder.

“Oi!” he cried, “what was that for?”

“It was you all this time?!” she shouted. “Do you know how crazy you’ve been driving me?!”

“I’ll have to admit, I’d envisioned you saying something like that - but in a decidedly different tone,” he muttered, wincing a bit and reaching up to rub at where she’d punched him. “Look...I realize this might’ve been a rather...elaborate...way of confessing my feelings...but you have to know, Emma. It’s you...it’s been you for quite some time now, and that’s not going to change.” He raked his hands through his hair, nerves visibly increasing as her silence continued. “I’m trying to say I love you, Swan, and thinking of how to tell you has been bloody terrifying-”

“So you decided to do it in the most public way possible?” she asked, finally finding her voice. “That was a big risk.”

“Aye,” he said, taking a few cautious steps closer to her. He reached out and cupped her face in his hand, his fingers sliding just into the hair behind her ear as his thumb brushed her cheek. “But you deserved the grandest of romantic gestures, love. I was willing to take the chance.”

Her arms wound around his waist as she stepped even closer to him, until there was really no space left between them at all. She took a deep breath. Here goes. “I love you, Killian. It was you...all this time,” she continued, her tone infinitely softer and laced with her abundant affection. She pressed up on her tiptoes, whispering, “do you know how crazy you’ve been driving me?” against his mouth before sealing her lips to his.

They sank into the kiss, their embrace growing closer and closer until Emma’s arms were draped over Killian’s shoulders and his were wrapped firmly around her waist. They had difficulty parting from one another, even when breathing became a pressing issue. They dove back in for kiss after kiss, becoming lost in each other.

It’s really amazing how different this is when you love someone so deeply, Emma thought hazily as Killian nibbled at her lower lip. She gasped sharply at the sensation, his tongue flicking out and soothing the spot before darting into her mouth to curl around her own. Just like that, their kiss took on another dimension, growing more passionate, hotter, wetter, and deeper - and Emma could no longer think at all.

Long moments later, they finally drew back, but kept their foreheads pressed tightly together. As they tried to regain their breath, Emma chuckled.

“What, love?” Killian said, a soft smile on his face.

“Oh, just...clearly Henry was in on this whole thing, I know that much now,” she said, pulling back to look at him. “But you’re going to have to tell me how you pulled all of this off without anyone wanting to press charges over any of the paintings...how much of the town was part of your master plan?”

“Well, love,” he said with a grin, taking every chance he could to use her new nickname. “That sounds like a perfect story for our first date.” He turned and started walking back up the path away from the gazebo, curling his arm around her shoulders when she fell into step next to him. “Can I pick you up tomorrow night at seven?”

She looked up at him, her face feeling like it would split in two from the force of her grin. “That sounds perfect.”

One year later…

The graffiti appeared once again, after another sleepy year in Storybrooke - but this time, Emma had no doubts as to its source. One morning when she opened the door of the seaside cottage she and Henry now shared with Killian, the simple question, Will you marry me, Swan? looped its way down the front walk to the welcome sight that was Killian, down on one knee, at their gate.

(His smile was bright, his cheeks were flushed, and while one hand held a very particular type of jewelry box, the other nervously tugged at the hair behind his right ear).

Killian grinned when she used her own can of spray paint (shoved in her hand by Henry before he’d nudged her out the door) to write her simple, but perfect, response right next to his knee.

Yes.

#cslb #cslb 2018 #cs ff #captain swan #ouat ff #my fic #the writing's on the wall #this has been a labor of love #and i'm intensely proud of it #and excited to share it #but also sad to realize it's really finished #it's a bittersweet feeling to be sure #but i'm really happy with how this fic turned out #and can't wait to see what you all think!!#enjoy!!!!!!!!

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thewanderingamalgamate · 7 years ago

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Return of the Goopman!

[[Hey there everyone! I’m still alive and decided to give this another go. Missed the goopman and getting them into trouble. Of course I missed all of you blessed nerds as well.

I know I burnt some bridges in a bad way prior to my departure, though I’m unaware of the complete extent of it. Regardless, if you’re uncomfortable seeing me again then please feel free to unfollow or block, I’ll understand.

So, theres been a few changes over here. *The obvious one being the name/url. I lost wanderandward to a squatter, didn’t want to make a fight out of it. Check it out if you like flowers though heh. All the links here should direct you to the proper pages under the new url, but if you find one that doesn’t please let me know. *Again, I fell out with some people, their characters and interactions with them were pretty important too. I’m not going to erase all that history, specifics will just be glossed over if they ever come up. *I made an aesthetics/personal blog over at @shareourwanderings. It should help reduce the clutter and minimize the chance of losing replies in my drafts. I’ll still reblog friends’ art, fanart, and commission posts here. *Made a few small tweaks and additions to the rules/about too and that’s about it.

I’ll leave what I’ve been up to in the past year under a readmore.

Hope to reconnect with you folks (and make some new connections of course), without any unpleasantness.]]

The TL;DR version: Instead of wallowing in misery, self-pity, self-loathing etc. with this being my only escape, I’ve started the grueling process of unfucking myself and my life.

There’s been a metric crapton of thinking, reevaluating, reading, realizing, and understanding happening on my end. Turns out fucking up horribly and getting called out on it can be a great impetus for personal growth if you let it. I haven’t miraculously changed and eliminated all that is wrong with me of course, from what I understand such a thing is pretty much impossible. Its an endless process of figuring out how and why you’re wrong, accepting it, and taking steps to be a little less wrong. And I’ve at least started that process.

I’ve confronted the reality of my mental illnesses. The anxiety and depression. How they’ve affected me, how they’ve manifested, the causes, how my behavior has been affected by it. And how I’m still responsible for my actions despite them. I haven’t been to a therapist yet, but its on the agenda and progress has been made towards it. I have been taking medication for them though, learning how to more actively recognize when I’m being affected and how. I’m getting a better grip on my mental faculties. You might not help how you feel, but how you react to it is always up to you. Sounds simple, but ‘simple’ has never excluded something from being hard to do. Been worth trying though.

I finally have prescription glasses. If anyone ever took a close look at my munday pics, my eyes never lined up properly in them. Untreated astigmatism+nearsighted that led to amblyopia. Corrective lenses, eye exercises tailored to the condition, drawing (mostly tracing from a book). Unfortunately I’m long past the age where the condition can be completely fixed, but progress can still be made. Keeping my fingers crossed for advancements in that field though.

I’ve been taking better care of my frail mortal form. Mostly by cramming a handful of supplements down my gullet and putting it through immense stress and pain. The human body is just weird like that. I can understand why others tell the depressed to get some exercise, its actually good advice just poorly worded/explained. But yeah, been exercising, watching my intake, trying that ‘healthy living’ myth people propagate. Those long infrequent walks I took roughly once a week? Twice a day now. I’ve gone swimming for the first time in about 5 or 6 years. Got access to a proper weight room too. I’ve concluded that bodybuilders are masochists.

I have a new laptop. Fanfuckingtastic considering the old one could barely run discord, its screen is dead, fans dead, deskbound connected to a monitor, and liked to disconnect from the wifi when I most needed it. The new one might not be some $2k alienware powerhouse sure, but it opened a lot of damned doors. Like being able to write here without constant frustrating interruptions.

I reconnected with my brother somewhat. Always considered him the more successful one and felt like a disappointment to him. We got past that. Just about every saturday since around january, I’ve been hanging out with him, until well past midnight, playing D&D with him and his friends. They’re all a bunch of shameless walking memes and its great. My brother is the DM, and so far my dragonborn sorc is the only group member that hasn’t be downed. Not for lack of trying. My anxious arse has been palling around, in person, with complete strangers, and I’m pretty happy about it heh. Probably going to put up summaries of our crimes adventure on shareourwanderings.

Between all that, I’ve been reading, poking at my backlog of games and shows. I’ve spent some time on Quora, picking up tips from published writers (Mercedes Lackey is surprisingly active over there), and of course checking out the mental health topics over there. The new laptop has made it easier to catch up on shows I’ve been wanting to watch. As in, I binge watched One Punch Man in a few nights, OVAs included. Mob Psycho is next on my list. Add in some new music, Sanderson stories, and the creative juices are flowing again.

I’m making progress. Life feels like its worth living, despite and even because of the fuckups. Its very likely I’m going to fuck up again eventually, hopefully in a less horrible manner. Just something I have to live with and continue to learn from.

#I Live!#Hello Hello Hello you wonderful people!#Out of Sight #the mun #Damn that was a lot longer than I thought it would be

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attract-mode-collective · 7 years ago

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Scorpion Vs. Elon Musk’s Mom: FIGHT

Yes, that is indeed Elon Musk’s mother up there. And no, I do not have a bigger sized version of the pic. Guess we could always ask captain-price-official if one does exist.

Or perhaps make your own? Here’s Elon’s mum by herself (and in higher res)...

And with that, it’s time to see what else I tweeted during the first half of March! So, sticking with fighting games: which Street Fighter character does lighting better? Ryu, via the animated movie (via settei)...

… Or Bison, via the live action flick (via toghomevideo)...

I absolutely love win quotes from rom hacks (via bison2winquote)...

I have a massive backlog of games, yet Tekken 7 just shot straight to the top of the list, thanks to the knowledge that you can accurately recreate Dynamite Headdy characters (via mysterious0bob)...

This Hatsune Miku X Space Channel 5 figure is v. nice (via nendoroidoftheday)...

A friendly reminder to everyone that A. I'm a massive fan of Seaman & B. my birthday is about a month away (via nutastic)...

This scene at the beach with a Figma of Link, from A Link Between Worlds, feels more like Link's Awakening than anything else (via vyntic)...

Toys and models are no longer just for reenacting memorable in-game moments, they can also reproduce famous IRL events that surrounded the games themselves (via 8bitcentral)...

So what's the going rate for ET for the Atari 2600 that was supposedly dug up in for that so-called documentary, Atari: Game Over? Which I recently re-watched and still can't believe people think is real. At any rate, am assuming the autograph from Howard Scott Warshaw gives it some actual value (via it8bit)...

And what's the going rate for Chinese Famiclone karaoke carts, primarily one with Jackie Chan on the label. Am also wondering if it's cuz his songs are included... you are aware of his successful career in music as well, right? (via ulan-bator)...

Been struggling to come up with a zinger for the past 10 minutes, but ain't nuthin gonna beat "Welcome to the Velvet Room y'all!" (via jatayu)...

To be filed under: it's funny cuz it's true (via doctorbutler)...

So the weather has been awful around these parts, lots of rain & snow, which gets in the way of imagining a giant tetromino in the sky (via uvula.jp)...

When playing Super Mario Galaxy 2, please keep in mind that somewhere out there, despite being out of view, is the ghost of Luigi floating through vast stretches of empty space, with zero destination or purpose (via suppermariobroth)...

Speaking of Luigi, and Supper Mario Broth; they’ve taken the adventures he talks about in Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door and illustrated them in the form of a comic that closely adheres to the style of the game...

Also a friendly reminder of that rift between Mario & Luigi for a few years (they'd eventually make up & resume doing games together, as everyone knows) after Mario discovered his brother being all friendly with the enemy in Super Mario World (via peazy86)...

Yet another obscure Mario factoid: the move he uses to defeat Bowser in Super Mario 64 originates from an old furikake commercial that predates the game by about a decade (via suppermariobroth)...

Yet another random gif of Mario from the 80s, this one from a video guide from Super Mario Bros; I miss the days in which his look was not yet standardized (via suppermariobroth)...

And here we have a completely unlicensed Dr. Mario, unless Nintendo gave him the OK to brush up on his doctoring skills by assuming an alias at a family clinic in Houston TX (via suppermariobroth)...

It's funny how, when it comes to obscure Mario games, everyone brings up Mario Is Missing or Hotel Mario, but what about Super Mario Bros. & Friends: When I Grow Up? (via kazucrash)...

Mario gets his own breakfast cereal.

Luigi? Booze. (via @carolynmichelle)

A question that I posed on MAR10Day (via retrogamerblog)...

It's not Super Mario Bros, but simply…. Bros (via therubberfruit)...

I've never wanted something "bootleg" to be official as much as as this Dark Souls fan art. And if the actual game somehow looked like this, that would be... gladly welcomed (via gamefreaksnz)

Oh God, Nier is amazing and all, but I would SO be down for a yelling & screaming match with Yoko Taro on this point (via @Avisch_)...

Behold my fave Twitter thread in recent memory: "You see, that was taken from Africa, but it belonged to the Keyblade Masters. Imma take it off your hands for ya."

"Nah, It was taken by British soldiers in Africa but it's actually from Gaia. A sword far heavier than any sword has rights to be, yet a true 1st Class will wield it with ease. Don't trip, I'm gonna take it off your hands for you."

"Nah, It was taken by British soldiers in Africa but it's actually from Hyrule. Originally crafted by the goddess Hylia herself. Only a true hero that is pure of heart and strong of body is capable of wielding the sacred blade. Don't trip, I'm gonna take it off your hands for you."

Naturally the star of Home Alone 1 & Home Alone 2 has both a NES Classic and Famicom Mini, like all Hollywood bigwigs (via @SimonParkin)...

While discussing Ready Player One with a colleague, was reminded of the dude who was so inspired by the book that he turned his apartment into an arcade (and then his fiancé broke up with him; via nydailynews.com)...

Recently there was some kind of event at Sega HQ, I think? Details are basically nonexistent due to the language barrier, but far as I can gather, 16 super fans were invited to come by & party (via @SEGA_OFFICIAL)...

... If you check out #セガ公式アカウントオフ会 you'll see numerous pics from the get-together, though the one thing that stands out is the assortment of Sega hardware (via @KK__Cy)...

... MIA, cuz no variants were on display, is my fave alt ver. of the Mega Drive: the Wondermega. But @yu100s took one of his own… with the ugly ass US Sonic 1 NOT FOR RESALE cart inserted, Jesus fucking Christ...

The Sega logo in katakana looks pretty hawt (via @Exciteless)...

... Yet the Sega logo in Arabic which is official, is even hawter (via boingboing.net)...

Please enjoy your daily recommended dosage of an erotic hospital-management sim (via @topherflorence)...

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NCSX makes the fidget spinner comparison, though the fidget cube seems a bit more appropriate; behold the fidget game controller...

Toy Fair recently took place, and naturally I took tons of pictures. You can find all of them on my personal Instagram, though a few are worth re-posting here. Like the latest in NECA's line of classic movie characters, as they appeared in video game adaptations...

Though in the case of their take on the Alien vs. Predator arcade game, they even included Capcom's original characters...

Unpainted, pre-production figures from Reflection's upcoming Ghost 'N Goblins line, sporting the oh-so popular Kenner-eqsue retro look...

Pint-sized arcade cabs, available this fall for $400. They’ll come unassembled, though dead simple to put together; the construction of the assembled mini cab was surprisingly sturdy, plus the screen wasn't bad (contrary to the picture that my iPhone's camera paints). Though the controls were shit; no word on whether the parts can be swapped or not...

Was delighted to not not only see Cuphead merch at Toy Fair, but more than just one instance (though this was the only time I was allowed to take a picture)...

Came across a producer of infant goods that had a selection of Super Mario baby bibs...

I asked the rep if this was their first foray into video games and the answer was "Yes." And when asked who's been mostly buying them, was told "Video game collectors, who don't even have children… it's so bizarre!!!"

Sticking with bibs, here's a set that tied to Dragon Quest (via miki800.com)...

... I asked on Twitter what they said and @alexfkraus was kind enough to provide translations, here and here.

Was so inspired by @MinusWorld listing which characters he'd like to see in the next Super Smash Bros that I decided to cite a few of my own:

- Mona from WarioWare - Nester from Nintendo Power’s Howard & Nester comics - Link from that Japanese A Link To The Past commercial - A deck of Hanafuda cards

... BTW, had no idea Ollie also mentioned a Hanafuda; I only saw his initial four, initially! Anyhow, my second round of choices:

- Ashley from Another Code - The "who are you running from?" guy in the Game Boy Camera - Lucas from The Wizard - The 4WD from Stunt Race FX (since Fighters Megamix with the Daytona USA 2 car clearly ain't ever happening)

I alas forgot to include BoxBoy, much like how I got these Uniqlo shirts when they were on sale last year (via minusworld.co.uk)...

Here we have my fave reaction on Tumblr to the Nintendo Direct with the Smash 5 reveal, if only for the punchline (via mendelpalace)...

And here we have my fave reaction on Twitter (via @redford)...

This one is also great because wrestling (via @SteveYurko)...

Speaking of wrestling, remember that time Tazz, while commentating for Smackdown, was also playing a game of Final Fantasy X-2… or so he thought? (via defjamvendetta)

"hey quick question whoever's developing the wwe games now: what the fuck"

"It helps him eat small fish"

"better question: why isn't this an option in every game ever"

"FAIR POINT" (via snoozlebee)

Whereas most publishers in Japan, during the 80s & 90s, had festivals (or carnivals) centered around shmups, Asmik's was based on women's wrestling (via oldgamemags)...

It's not for a video game, though the illustration is by someone who has been involved in a few; it's by Satoshi Yoshioka, of Snatcher and Policenauts fame (via videogamesdensetsu)...

It's not for a video game that actually exists, but is instead a completely fictional instructional manual, one that makes you wish it was real (via tomeccles)...

Just when you think you've seen every ultra, wacky & obscure video game box art there is to see out there (via @CoolBoxArt)...

I have a serious soft sport for the usage of video game imagery among early 80s musicians (via siryl)...

... What the final product looks like BTW/FYI...

A. so there's a VR version of Fruit Ninja, did not know that, & B. if you like watching people play it (for whatever reason), yet wish you could actually see a person swinging a sword and not just some abstract swiping motions… here ya go (via prostheticknowledge)...

Playing games in VR is so 2017… Handling your collection of games in VR? Now THAT is very 2018 (via mendelpalace)...

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Lots of friends are playing the new DBZ fighting game, though I'll give it a shot once it hits the arcades and is also in a cab like this (via @Fotosdecomics)...

I absolutely need to get my hands on this S.H. Figuarts Shinya Arino (via tinycartridge)...

Available right now, some Altered Beast, Bare Knuckles, and Rent-a-Hero resin kits (via miki800.com)...

Cursed? More like blessed amirite (via @Pretzel_Pup)...

I know Yoji Shinkawa is best buds with Hideo Kojima, but would he be open to doing another gig at Konami? Cuz him art directing a reboot of Twin Bee would kinda be the best (via @SESKOU)...

There's money on the table with this Metroid X Pepsi mash-up, am confident of this (via ryangilleece)...

Cuz even someone like Samus Aran needs a good stretch every once in a while (via jon-bliss)...

And this third piece of Metroid fan art in a row is very much related to Metroid 3, aka Super Metroid (even though it technically depicts the ending to Metroid 2; via mmillus)...

Awakening indeed (via brookietf)...

For those who have asked, yes, I have seen the hack that connects the Switch to an itty-bitty black & white TV...

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Though I'm only really interested in tiny b&w CRT TVs if I can play Duck Hunt on them (via arcade-crusade)...

I not only dig teeny-tiny displays for light gun games, but also for driving games as well (perhaps some of you might remember the following from this)...

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Back to tube displays; seeing Zelda on a CRT also reminded me of how Dark Souls look on a CRT, aka CRT Souls or 480i Souls (which again I'm hoping regular readers of the blog remember, especially since the original post has fallen victim to a Tumblr bug)...

"while playing king's field just now i died in the magic cave of fire and when i warped back there were beautiful graphical glitches everywhere" (via mendelpalace)...

Some landscapes, filled with beauty and mystery and terror, are accidental (see: the graphical glitches from before)… whereas others are completely deliberate, as in the case of Atlantia (via obscurevideogames)...

Once again, I REALLY need to figure out a way to play some PC88 games (via obscurevideogames)...

Here we have a semi-common Space Invaders sighting for the time, in an episode of Battle Fever J, one of the earliest Super Sentai shows (via himitsusentaiblog)...

And here we have a rare Game Gear sighting, in old OVA anime, Starship Girl Yamamoto Yohko. Hell, it’s a rare Game Gear in anything sighting; the only other example that comes to mind is Rumble In The Bronx (via @TheOtaking)...

And an equally rare Sonic on the runway sighting (via kotaku.com)...

I normally watch a video in its entirety before making a recommendation. Yet when it came to this overview of Last Bronx's legacy in Japan (and lack thereof in the West), hearing the main theme to Beat Takeshi's Violent Cop near the 3 min mark was all I needed (have since watched the whole thing, and as expected, it's another awesome Kim Justice production)...

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And finally, a friend notes: "subzero's right arm is real close to trump's spinal column

just sayin" (via @jbillinson)...

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kenzicorinne · 7 years ago

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Hi! I’m Kenzi Corinne

And I have a lot of art and stories I want to share with you!

That's a big reason why I want to start making weekly journals. Starting today, I’ll be posting a weekly recap of everything I’m working on and plan to work on. This includes the status of my web comic Folk Knight, my visual novel MuseStruck, and all the work I’m doing for upcoming conventions (I hope to see some of you there!)

After this week, the blog entries will be a lot more digestible. But I feel, for this first one, I just need to lay everything out.

So, before the break, I just want to say my asks are open! Feel free to shoot me a question/comment about anything. (Fav ice cream, Hogwarts house, w/e!)

Later!

-Kenzi

Kenzi Blog: Week of 4/2/18

Oh, hey! I’m surprised you clicked “Keep reading.” I mean, I’m glad you did! Makes me feel less like I’m just shouting this to the void... heh ^_^;

Conventions:

Anyway, let’s just dive right in with the most time sensitive item I’ve been working on, convention prep. I’ve got three cons coming up in the next two months *sweats profusely* . This may not sound like a lot for you (or maybe it sounds like an insane “con crud” induced death wish haha) but I am equal parts super excited and super nervous about this! Upcoming cons are:

RavenCon, April 20-22 Williamsburg, VA

Tidewater Comicon, May 11-12 Virginia Beach

Animazement, May 25-27 Raleigh, NC

So I do my printing on my own printer. To save money this time, I’ve decided to try out a Refillable Ink Cartridge system. Which involves...... lots of syringes I guess? Haha, I think I accidentally ordered too many or something so now I just have an abundance of large needle syringes 0_0 (also note they’re a special kind for ink. not the pokey skin kind :P). Syringe Wolverine cosplay?

Anyway, if any of you have tried out RIC or CISS in the past, I’d love to know how it did or didn’t work for you!

MuseStruck:

Okay, so before I talk about my current project, Folk Knight, I think I need to talk about MuseStruck (my other baby). So a couple years ago I suddenly got the urge to make a Visual Novel (gee, wonder where I got that idea... *side glances at Steam catalog* >_>). This VN had inspiration pulled from a lot of my favorite things including fantasy, mythology, classic literature, art, and anime.

Then a year ago, @cornpickerart and I started working on it... and quickly saw the project balloon to a size we weren’t ready for. We thought about cutting back ideas, some trimming was to the story’s benefit really. But then there were aspects that we couldn’t let go. Things that I felt were integral to the story or game experience that we wanted to make.

So. Here’s the thing. We just realized we needed to try smaller things first and work up to the type of gameplay we want to have in MuseStruck. Baby steps. That being said. MuseStruck isn’t dead. Far from it.

I draw characters from MuseStruck still all the time. Though I’ve told myself to not dedicate so much time to writing stories for it and instead put that time and energy into bettering my skills in both art and programming. Now I can say that when I do get back to MuseStruck (which I do have a plan for when that will happen, but I’ll save that for another journal) I know I’ll be more confident and prepared to tackle it! \(^o^)/

(some sketches of MuseStruck characters that I’ve never posted... I have lots of files like this ^_^;)

Folk Knight:

And finally there is Folk Knight. If you made it this far then... wow. I think I might love you. Anyway, this is my current project that I am working on. I would say probably my time is split 50/50 with this and con stuff right now.

Originally I wanted it to be a web comic. Why a web comic? Well... it’s something I’ve done before. @cornpickerart and I ran a web comic back in high school that we stopped once we went of to different states and different colleges.

I wanted to tell a story that takes place in the MuseStruck universe but with a lot less overhead work and a shorter story altogether. So, Folk Knight was born! Well, so it was supposed be but then I realized something... I don’t want to do a web comic. Le gasp!!!

I actually read a ton of webcomics and enjoy the weekly experience and appreciate all the hard work that goes into keeping them up. Seriously! It’s tough stuff! But after a few updates I realized that making the comic was taking a lot of time... and I wasn’t feeling it. Gosh that sounds whiny doesn’t it? I guess what I’m trying to say is, I figured out if I was going to put that much work into something, I want it to be something I want to do. And what I want to do is make a stinkin’ Visual Novel danggummit!

So that’s what brings us to the Folk Knight of now... a serial Visual Novel!

So it’s kinda a combination of both. Baby steps remember? To keep the game making doable for me, I’ll be releasing the Folk Knight VN in chapters. Every chapter will be released free to play, just like the web comic would have been free to read.

I’ve already begun the conversion of my Chapter 1 script into the Visual Novel format and am working with a few beta readers/players to help me work out the story flow and gameplay.

I’m hoping to get a Chapter 1 demo done by the end of April and Chapter 1 completed and released officially by May! I know it’s a tight deadline but I’m seriously pouring all my blood, sweat, and time into this now!

Next Week:

Ooooookay! We finally come to the end of it! What I plan to do this coming week. Well, let’s see... maybe I should just list it? I hope to...

Post some Folk Knight character designs (get y’all introduced)

Finish two fantasy/horror paintings I’ve been working on

I have a backlog of BNHA fan art I should finish too...

Test out the new print system!

Aaand I think I should keep it at that. Don’t want to overdo it. If anyone’s still reading this, like I said, not every journal entry is gonna be a monster like this. I just... had a lot to get off my chest to get this journal thing rolling ^_^;

You are amazing and I wish you the best in all your creative endeavors!(seriously, you got something you’re working on you want to share, hit me up! I love hearing others stories or finding new comics to read, games to play!)

-Kenzi

#artist journal #blog #journal #visual novel #MuseStruck #Folk Knight #Kenzi Corinne

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kuriquinn · 8 years ago

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A Hole In The World [2/?]

Blanket Fic Disclaimer:

Title: A Hole In The World (continuation of this prompt)

Rating: T (for now)

Pairing: SasuSaku

Beta Reader: Not beta-read; check back at a later date for edits

Author’s Note: I was going to put this up a few days from now just to space things out, but a lot of people seemed confused about whether this was a time-travel fic or not, so I decided to post this early to give you guys a better idea of where I’m going with this.

サクラ

Sakura awakens to the sound of beeping monitors and an itch in her left hand that suggests someone has put an IV in. She frowns, not used to being on this side of the scenario.

“Sakura-sensei?” Ando asks, unnaturally tentative.

“What…happened…?” she begins, her mouth painfully dry. Her brain takes a few seconds to remember the prelude to her unconsciousness, but when she does she pnaics, shooting into a sitting position. “The poisons! They have hallucinogenic properties, and could be airborne! You shouldn’t be here, you can’t risk exposure!”

“It’s fine!” Ando cries, holding up a reassuring hand. “As soon as we got your message we locked everything down, and a team was sent in with protective gear to retrieve you. The room was completely quarantined and the science team even checked the air quality before going in for you. But it was fine. You just passed out.”

“Did you scan me for poison?” Sakura demands.

“It’s not like I’ve been working here for months or anything,” Ando grumbles, but at Sakura’s warning glare he quickly adds, “There’s nothing showing up. According to our tests, your vitals are find. If there was anything, it passed out of your system before we got there. You probably healed yourself. Though I have no idea why you passed out…do you do that a lot?”

“It was probably the energy expended healing,” Sakura muses with a frown. “Though I’ve been through much worse, it shouldn’t have hit me like that.”

It suggests whatever was in those containers was a much stronger poison than she expected.

“Are you sure there’s nothing else?” Sakura prompts.

“I’m sure. You’re fine. A little overworked and your make-up could use a touch-up, that’s to be expected after being unconscious for five and a half hours—”

“Sarada!” Sakura gasps in realisation. She swings her feet around, scrambling to get out of bed. “I have to pick her up!”

“You don’t have to worry about her,” Ando assures her. “Your mother called when you didn’t show up. Your daughter’s fine. In the meantime, you should stay overnight and sleep a little more.”

“I can’t, I have to be there to pick her up…”

“Ehm…maybe I’m not saying this right,” Ando hedges. “Your mother said if I let you come home without getting a full eight hours of sleep, she was going to…um…do something rather unpleasant to some rather important body parts.”

Sakura narrows her eyes. “And what do you think I’ll do if you don’t let me go?”

“No offense, but your mother scares me more than you do. You’d at least come for me face to face…I think she’d kill me in my sleep.”

“One of these days I’m going to have to figure out how my mother has managed to terrify every man in this damned village,” Sakura grumbles, sitting back on the cot. She huffs and then makes a dissmisive motion with her hand. “Fine. But if I’m going to be here, I want you running every test we have. Something happened to me, even if I’m not showing symptoms anymore. I want to know what it is.”

“That I can do,” Ando agrees.

サクラ

There’s a backlog of tests being run in the lab, and although Sakura could use her clearance to speed up the process, she doesn’t like to flaunt her privilege unless she has to. There’s nothing wrong with her at the moment, and she’d prefer the labs be working on the sick and dying than her.

Instead, she heads home to shower, then goes to pick up Sarada from her parents. She ends up agreeing to stay for breakfast, which as it turns out, is a good idea; she is surprisingly ravenous.

“I don’t remember you eating this much in ages,” Mebuki remarks as she shovels more steamed rice and natto into Sakura’s bowl. “The last time you had three servings of breakfast was when you were training with Lady Fifth.”

“You’re like a hungry clock,” Kizashi adds. “You’re keep going back four seconds.”

“Grandpa,” Sarada groans, though there’s a tug at the corner of her mouth; just like Sakura used to do at that age, she pretends to find her grandfather’s jokes lame.

“Actually, the last time I ate so much was when I was pregnant with this one,” Sakura says, absently reaching over to wipe a speck of soy sauce from her daughter’s cheek. “She really liked natto…”

“Mama!” Sarada protests, craning away from her.

“Well if you weren’t eating so quickly, you wouldn’t get food all down your front,” Sakura reminds her. “What are you in such a hurry about, anyway?”

“I have training to do,” Sarada insists importantly.

“Not until you finish your breakfast, you don’t,” Mebuki returns before Sakura can do so. “You need to eat enough to keep your energy up. And that means eating slowly, so you don’t get an upset stomach.”

Sarada opens her mouth to protest, but Kizashi agrees, “Many a true word is spoken ingest.”

This time it’s Sakura who groans, while Sarada folds her arms in front of her chest. A lump forms in Sakura’s throat because she looks so much like Sasuke when she does that!

She’s even becoming more like him, in terms of attitude.

These days, Sarada has become very quiet and withdrawn, devouring the books in their house and at the library related to the shinobi arts. She knows Sasuke is a talented ninja, because of all the stories she’s heard about him; Sakura has always told her everything about her father that she could without alluding to his mission or the darker parts of his past. And it was never a question that they would raise her as a shinobi, so in many ways this sudden studious interest is a good thing. It will serve her well when she starts the Academy in a few months.

But Sakura suspects it has more to do with Sarada trying to feel close to her father by living up to the standard he set.

One of Sarada’s tomes on well-known techniques among the clans of Konoha is always open to the chapter on Shurikenjutsu; Sakura has watched her daughter determinedly try to master it in their yard. Sometimes she wonders if she should teach her Katon, if only to help Sarada feel closer to her clan’s traditions, but she can’t get past the feeling that Sasuke must be the one to do that. Not just because he’s Sarada’s father and the patriarch of the clan, but because for him it’s such a personal thing to share.

But that brings us back to the fact he has to be here to teach it, Sakura thinks sadly.

None of them expected Sasuke’s mission to take as long as it is, and she thought he would be back before it really had an effect on their daughter.

Some days, no matter how important she knows his work is, she wishes she had argued more, or that Naruto had refused to let him go. Not that Sasuke responds well to ultimatums, but ever since the war, when Naruto offers him an opinion, he considers it. Seven out of ten times, he’ll even agree; it’s the other three that are so tricky.

It’s a rare day off, and so she tries to put all of this and the issues from the hospital out of her mind, instead running errands with Sarada in tow. They pick up groceries, shop for new shoes and clothes for Sarada—she’s growing like a weed!—and stop in to see the newest Princess Yuki movie—one of the many sequels to the Princess Gale films Naruto was so crazy about when they were kids.

All the while, Sarada remains quiet.

Later that evening, long after one of their usual quiet suppers for two, Sakura wonders if she ought to speak up. She doesn’t often ask Sarada what’s wrong directly—much like Sasuke, Sarada will insist there’s nothing wrong—and prefers a tried and true method of wordless coaxing to encourage her daughter to open up.

Just as Sarada climbs into bed, Sakura opens her mouth to ask, only to be interrupted with a question.

“Mama, what were Grandmother and Grandfather like?”

Sakura pauses for a moment, confused, and then realises that she’s being asked about Sasuke’s parents.

“I…well…” she considers. “I never met them before. They died a long time ago.”

“Oh.”

“But I think Grandma did know your Grandmother Uchiha a little bit. Maybe she could tell you a little more about her,” Sakura suggests.

Sarada’s eyes go wide. “Really?”

“Maybe,” Sakura repeats. “I don’t think they knew each other very well. But…it’s still more than I did.”

“What about Uncle Itachi?” Sarada asks, sitting up eagerly in bed. “You met him, right?”

Sakura hesitates here.

Neither occasion was exactly optimal; in one he was a deadly enemy who would have killed them all if their presence interfered with his elaborate plans—the other was in an alternate universe where it wasn’t technically their Itachi Uchiha.

“Briefly,” Sakura says. “He was a good man and a loyal Konoha shinobi.”

“What was he like?”

“You’ll really have to ask your Papa that when he gets back.”

Sarada sighs, unhappy. “So, I’ll never know.”

“Don’t say that,” Sakura chides, tapping her daughter on the forehead in affectionate reprimand. “Papa will be home soon. And you can ask him all of this.”

I hope…

“Now, it’s time for you to go to sleep. I have to be at the hospital for the morning shift, so we’re going to get up early and bring you to Grandma and Grandpa’s house.”

“I don’t wanna get up early…I’ll be tired all day.”

“So you can take a nap later.”

“Naps are for babies!”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I forgot,” Sakura laughs, and begins to rise.

“Mama, can I have a story before bed?”

She sits back down. “Which one?”

“Indra and Shachi.”

Sakura’s heart clenches a little at this.

“Don’t you want to wait for Papa to come home and tell you that one?” she asks gently. It’s always been their special story, even though Sasuke is careful to end it before it becomes too dark. Sarada isn’t old enough yet to hear the entire thing.

“You tell it better,” Sarada insists, a stubborn look on her face that is painfully reminiscent of her father.

Sakura sighs, because every day, Sarada is a little more critical and a little angrier about her father’s absence.

And yet, she always asks for this story, so as angry as she is, she still misses him an awful lot.

The whole things is beginning to affect her socially, which has Sakura worried.

She practically grew up with Boruto Uzumaki; they were inseparable. And how could they not be, given who their parents were? The amount of times Sakura would come pick Sarada up from the Uzumaki household to find Boruto, Sarada and Himawari curled up under a blanket on the couch, snuggled up like little puppies. She’s taken an embarrassing number of secret photos to show Sasuke when he returns.

But…that’s just the problem,

He left; Naruto didn’t.

Boruto and Himawari could go home at the end of the day to a mother and a father; Sarada couldn’t. And Sakura’s daughter noticed, because of course she did.

She stopped wanting to be around them, to the point where she’d pick fights with Boruto, and throw a fuss whenever Sakura tried to bring her for playdates. Not long after, the same thing happened with Inojin, who Sarada suddenly proclaimed was too weird. Ino mentioned that she started getting distant when Sai began to teach their son his Chōjū Giga.

As if it’s any mystery why that would upset her…

“Mama?”

Sakura shakes her head, coming back to the present, and says, “Alright then, if you’re sure.”

She begins to relate the familiar tale, stroking her daughter’s hair as she does until the child drifts into slumber.

When she rises, her thoughts are jumbled. She usually tells the story without thinking much about it—she’s told it so many times, and considering she’s already lived it (after a fashion), it has the same consistency in her brain as a well-loved memory.

Except it makes her think about what happened in the lab today.

The last time she started to have strange dreams without warning, she spent months reliving a past life.

That was triggered by my pregnancy, though, and I’m not pregnant now.

Honestly, it felt more like that time she and Naruto were dragged into that parallel dimension of Obito’s. Except, in that case she was actively pulled through a portal and stuck there until Naruto got them out.

So what was it? Could it be work stress?

She doesn’t sleep well that night, her mind puzzling over the mysterious contents of the box, and analysing every detail she remembers from her dream.

Or hallucination.

On top of all of that, Sarada’s worries needle at her. With that sense of helplessness in the face of her daughter’s questions, an overwhelming longing fills Sakura, for the man who has carried her heart so very far away.

サクラ

The next day, Sakura wakes dizzy and nauseous; it feels like she remembers the flu feeling, though it’s been many years since she’s been sick. Ever since she unlocked the Byakugō she doesn’t have to worry about that sort of thing.

She brings an equally grumbling daughter to her parents’ house, and heads to work, feeling like her head is a wind tunnel. The whole day she slogs through her work, delegating as much as she dares to. It even comes to the point that she is forced to hand over the C-section to one of her most promising subordinates, although she observes from the gallery in case of emergency.

At the same time, she marks down observations about her condition in a notebook, trying to find some common symptoms that will clue her in to what’s happening. Halfway through the procedure, Ando wanders in with a folder that has her name on it and hands it to her. “All of the tests we ran came back negative.”

“That’s not possible,” Sakura snaps. When he flinches, she sighs and apologies, “I’m sorry. This is just frustrating…”

“I’ll keep looking.”

“Thank you.” He begins to leave, and then pauses, a startled expression on his face. “You’re…you’re bleeding.”

“Huh?”

He points to her face and she raises her hand, touching her face just beneath her nose; her fingers come away red.

Alarm bells ring in her head.

“Do the tests again,” Sakura says quietly. “Leave no margin for error, and if there’s any test you haven’t thought to run yet, run it anyway. Even if it’s completely unrelated. Whatever’s going on might show up in an unexpected test.”

“Y-yes, boss.”

He runs off to do just that and Sakura reaches for her notebook again, jotting down another symptom.

Nasal hemorrhage…never a good sign…could the contents of those vessels have had a slow-acting neurotoxin, or—?

All of a sudden, her body seizes.

Her limbs go rigid and her head slams backward in her chair as the operating room and gallery vanish around her.

サクラ

Sakura’s world jerks and she is suddenly standing in the middle of an unfamiliar street, stumbling forward.

“Sakura!”

Someone catches her and when she looks up, there’s Sasuke again—the Sasuke from her dream. He isn’t dressed in the police uniform this time, but a high collared shirt similar to the one he wore as a genin, and neatly pressed trousers.

“What’s going on?” she demands, looking around. “Where are we?”

“What are you talking about?” he asks, his brows drawing together incrementally.

“The…I was in the…?”

Sakura continues to look around, noticing tiny details about the place that tell her she isn’t in a completely unfamiliar location. She’s been here before, only…only it was a lot emptier. Her attention pulls away from her panic long enough to consider the people wandering past; people who look familiar but aren’t. Her recognition of them is based on traits that she has come to know personally in the past decade.

Dark haired, fair skinned, black-eyed people, wearing the clan crest she adopted almost seven years ago.

“This is the Uchiha district,” she says, swallowing against the subtle, panic-induced tightening in her throat.

“Last time I checked,” he agrees, sounding wary. “Sakura, what’s going on? Is this that “pregnancy brain” you were telling me about?”

She doesn’t answer him.

“This is wrong,” she murmurs to herself, watching several children wearing uchiwa symbols on their back chase each other through the street. “This…this can’t be here. I can’t be…am I unconscious?”

“It’s happening again, isn’t it?” Sasuke interrupts, his tone anxious and accusing. “You said you were fine at the hospital.”

“I have no control over what Dream-Me says or does,” she shoots bag, aggravated and short-tempered in a way she rarely is with her Sasuke.

“That’s it,” Sasuke shakes his head. “We’re going back to the hospital and getting those tests you didn’t want. And you’re calling Iruka tonight and telling him you’re not coming in tomorrow.”

“Iruka? Why would I talk to Iruka?”

“They can find a substitute for you. They should already be looking, since your leave will be starting soon anyhow,” he continues. “This is why we talked about you taking it earlier—”

Right. In this world I’m a teacher, apparently. And—

“Hold on,” she snaps. “I don’t know how things work in this universe, but there is no reality where you get to boss me around.”

His eyes widen a bit in surprise, and then he sighs. “Hormones.”

Sakura narrows her own eyes. “You did not just say that.”

Her impending murder of her Not-Husband is interrupted when someone suddenly calls out his name.

They both turn around, just in time to see an older couple saunter out from a nearby storefront. Sasuke curses under his breath, probably unhappy that their discussion is being interrupted. But he turns and bows his head in respect.

Hold on…what? When has Sasuke ever…?

“Uncle Teyaki, Aunt Uruchi,” he greets them, allowing the woman to draw him in to a hug with an expression of uncomfortable tolerance.

“It’s been a long time since we’ve seen you, boy,” the man says, and then turns clever black eyes on Sakura. “And who is this?”

“This is my wife, Sakura,” Sasuke explains.

Oh, good, I’m not expected to know these people.

“Er…pleased to meet you,” she says for want of anything else.

The couple exchange what is clearly an uncomfortable, significant married-couple look, as well as a silent conversation, and then paste smiles on their faces.

“Ah, yes, we had heard you got married,” Uruchi says. “Congratulations.”

“Bit of a rush, wasn’t it?” Teyaki chuckles nervously, glancing at Sakura’s middle. “I suppose we know why now.”

Catching the implication, Sakura opens her mouth to snap back at the person, but Sasuke’s arm squeezes around her shoulders in warning. She intends to shrug him off, but finds his hold on her is heavier than expected.

Frowning, she tries to pull free, only to find that she can’t.

She has no strength.

What kind of world is this?!

“Now don’t mind him, he’s being rude,” Uruchi speaks up. “We all understand that circumstances don’t always work out the way we hope. You make sure you come by this way more often, dearie, you seem like a nice girl. And we make the best senbei in the village. It won’t upset your stomach or the little one’s.”

She smiles kindly at Sakura.

“That’s assuming they come back,” Teyaki points out, and then raises an eyebrow at Sasuke. The gesture is eerily similar to Sakura’s husband’s; she really isn’t used to seeing his mannerisms on anyone else but her daughter. “I take it you’re here to speak with your folks?”

Sasuke grunts in reply—at least his dislike of sharing personal information is the same.

“I just want to know what’s taken so long,” Uruchi harrumphs. “You and that father of yours are so stubborn—”

“Well, if it isn’t the runt of the family.”

Someone appears by their side, so swiftly and silently that Sakura suspects he used Shushin; he’s curly haired, and with a smile and a casual, friendly demeanour that reminds Sakura instantly of Kakashi.

“Long time no see, little cousin,” he continues, and then ruffles Sasuke’s hair in a way Sakura has seen her husband break ribs over when Naruto used to try it.

Instead, Sasuke simply jerks away, shoving the other man and snaps, “Knock it off, Shisui!”

Shisui…I think I know that name…

Sakura tries to remember what Sasuke told her about him, long ago; an older cousin, his brother’s best friend and something to do with Danzō Shimura.

“Forgive me, princess, I didn’t realise you still took offense to having your hair messed up,” Shisui replies without a hint of bother over Sasuke’s attitude. He faces Sakura and offers her a friendly smile. “Hello there. Allow me to introduce myself since my favourite cousin is too emotionally stunted to do it.”

“Shisui,” Uruchi chides.

“That’s my name.”

“At least you know that much,” Sasuke grumbles.

Shisui doesn’t seem put off by Sasuke at all. “Hey, when are you going to stop kissing ass at the police force and come join ANBU like your brother and me?”

“About the time you quit.”

“Ouch. I’m hurt. And here I thought it was because you preferred the cushy, safe jobs,” Shisui muses. “Or has uncle taken you off the roster already?” Sasuke grits his teeth at him. “Ah. I take it that’s one of the things you want to discuss with him tonight?”

There’s something entirely too innocent about his tone.

“Does everyone but me know what’s going on here?” Sakura asks out loud.

Sasuke suddenly turns to face her, eyes wide. “Sakura!”

“What? I’m just pointing out the truth here—”

“Catch her, before she—”

“I’ve got her—!”

The world tilts like she’s being shaken and Sakura tries to fight it. “Sasuke, what the hell—stop!”

But then the familiar swooping sensation of being ripped from her sleep overtakes her, and the world shifts.

サクラ

She awakens on the floor of the gallery; Ando has been trying to rouse her, apparently, and when she wakes the first thing she notices is his inability to disguise his fear.

Ando stands over her, unable to disguise his fear.

This isn’t going away in a hurry, she realises as control returns to her body.

“Book a lab and make sure no one but you and I have access to it. And tell no one about this—I don’t want to start a panic until it’s necessary,” Sakura tells him grimly as she pushes herself to her feet. “We have work to do.”

つづく

Reviews and constructive criticism are much appreciated! Also, if you are in a supportive mood, I have a ko-fi button at the top of the page, or you can find my tip jar here.

Thanks for your interest in my work!

クリ

Next Chapter

#naruto fanfiction #sasusaku #rating: teen #for now #legacy of fire series #sfw #blank period #parallel universes #meet the family #sakura haruno #sarada uchiha #sasuke uchiha #mebuki haruno #shisui uchiha #ando (oc)#drama #adventure #romance #kuriquinn

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8bitsupervillain · 5 years ago

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End of the Year 2019: Games of the Year

Hello everyone, it's that special time of year again! Time for me to shower praise upon some games that I absolutely adored, while mentioning some games that I liked, but not really enough to put on this list. For a remarkable change of pace I have a full list of ten for the best of 2019, however I only have four for the pre-2019 so that's a bit disappointing. If you notice any glaring omissions for the best of the year the simple explanation is that I probably just didn't play it, or I didn't play it enough for it to enter consideration. I also didn't really play anything this year that stands out as particularly bad, there was maybe one game, but I don't have it in me to write a full length thing to expound upon its terrible state. There are also some games that I'm disappointed I didn't get to play, but hopefully I'll be able to in 2020.

Honorable Mentions:

God Eater 3. I've sunk almost twenty hours in to this game, but I haven't played enough of it to really make a declaration that I think it's good. I still intend on playing the game to the finish, but for all I know the game could take a real nose-dive in quality towards the end. I have a desire to go back and play the previous God Eater games as well, so I guess that could be considered an endorsement. I like the visual style in this game, the models all look very nice, and the monster designs are pretty neat to look at as well.

Remnant: From the Ashes. I never quite got to finishing this game, but from what I played this was a pretty fun little co-op shooter. There are some things that the game does that I don't particularly care for, some of the one-shot enemies in the swamp level, the confusing design of this one dungeon in the desert area being particularly troublesome things I remember. I would love to go back and finish this one, but as it stands it'll have to stay with an honorable mention.

King of Fighters XIV. I'm not great at fighting games, but I still enjoyed this game a whole hell of a lot. But like I said I'm not great at the game, but it's a fun one to pop in every once in a while just to get annihilated by all the killers online.

Death Stranding. Please don't post spoilers here. I've greatly enjoyed my time with this game, but as with Remnant and God Eater 3 I didn't finish this one. I've played maybe about twelve hours into this one, but I don't know if that's enough to really comment on the games overall quality. As with God Eater 3 for all I know it could take a real nose-dive in quality.

Hollow Knight. I played a very little amount of Hollow Knight, but I liked what I've played so far. Hope to go back and finish this one before Silksong comes out.

The Elder Scrolls Legends. I quite liked the Alliance War and Jaws of Oblivion expansions. It's a shame they've cancelled all further expansions for this game, because I liked the story based ones they've put out in the past and I was hopeful for more sets in the future. It was never a particularly great game, but I liked what they had going for the longest time.

Pre-2019 Games of the Year

04: Death Mark

This is a fun little RPG/Visual Novel horror game that came out in 2018 that I got a chance to play back in May. It's an investigation game where your character and a host of other characters are trying to solve the mystery of their death mark. A strange design that looks like a bite that materializes on their bodies one day. If they don't get to the root of the problem they die a horrible grisly death. I like the episodic nature of the game with each chapter revolving around a mystery involving a different type of vengeful spirit than the other chapters. There is a small combat element that happens toward the end of each chapter that isn't particularly deep to deal with as it's more puzzle-based rather than being an actual combat engine. It doesn't feature much in the way of blood and gore, but what's there is frankly mortifying to look at. I played it on the Switch, but the game is available on the PS4 and PC as well. Death Mark is definitely worth playing through at least once.

03: Monster Hunter 4: Ultimate

I'm ever so slowly going through my 3DS backlog and finally played through this one. I can understand why people say that 4U is their favorite Monster Hunter game because it is just an absolute blast to play through. I really like the design of the monsters in this game especially Gore Magala and Masharu Magala. I don't know if I would recommend it over World or Generations Ultimate but I had a hell of a time playing through this game.

02: Dragon's Dogma: Dark Arisen

I love the way the combat in this game feels. I love how you can climb on the monsters and start stabbing away at them. Magic and ranged combat feel really good, and I especially like the Pawn system so you can keep trying out other player's pawns until you hit that sweet spot of the type of combat you want to have for the game. The story is a little basic, kind of your typical "slay the evil dragon" storyline even though it's great how the game gives you a personal reason to want the dragon dead. Guy stole your heart after all, literally ripped it from your chest. I liked the story towards the end when you actually face off with the dragon and all that occurs from then on that was great fun. I played this on both the PS4 and the Switch port that came out earlier this year (I guess I could've put this in the 2019 category), and I was surprised at how well the Switch was able to play the game. The game doesn't look completely awful in handheld mode, and it kept a stable framerate throughout my playthrough. The PS4 and PC versions look better of course, but the Switch version keeps the spirit of the game rather well and is just as good to play there as on the other consoles.

01: Nioh

Bill Nioh's adventures in feudal Japan was a great time. This game made me consider the notion of a mission/loot based Diablo done in a Dark Souls style to not be the worst thing I've ever heard. My only major complaint with the game is that there's too much vendor trash in this game. There's also the problem that you'll be constantly switching from one version of your weapon to another with barely any time to gain "familiarity" with your weapon. Familiarity means you hit slightly harder than you would with another version of that weapon, but with how many variations on whatever weapon your using you'll constantly be scrapping older versions of your weapon and armor without really raising your familiarity. I wish that the game would've gone with an experience meter per-weapon deal rather than loading you up with a million variations of each weapon. Like a leveling bar for Katana, Dual-Blades, Nodachi, and so on, there's already a skill-tree for each weapon, so I think an experience meter for each weapon would work better. It's not a deal-breaker by any means, but I think it might work better. I like the mission-based focus of this game rather than being a pseudo-open world affair like most Soulslike games. I still need to play through the expansions before Nioh 2 comes out.

Games of the Year 2019

10: Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night

This was a good Metroidvania to play through, and certainly better than I thought it was going to be. I enjoyed the various weapons you can acquire throughout the game, the spear and great swords were particularly fun in my playthrough for instance. I have some minor complaints that arise towards the end of the game, but they're not major issues. A boss fight or two will just absolutely destroy the framerate while you're fighting them (I can only imagine how they play on the Switch if the game was dying on the PS4 Pro). I liked some of the extra bosses you can fight like the Millionaire's Bane and the bonus boss that's Definitely Not Simon.

09: Untitled Goose Game

An amusing game to play, and I had a fun time playing it. It's definitely not the deepest or longest game to come out this year (from start to finish the game is maybe four hours long), but it's a fun enough "nuisance simulator." It reminds me of playing a game like Hitman, cause Goose Game is definitely a stealth game, even if every time I completed an objective I unfurled my wings and honked to assert my dominance over the people in the village.

08: Samurai Shodown

As previously mentioned I am not good at fighting games. Yet despite my being bad at them I find myself constantly going back to SamSho just to get obliterated online. I positively adore the art style in this game and the completely vicious gameplay. Unlike some other fighting games you can be destroyed within mere seconds of the match starting. If you play super poorly your opponent can cut your lifebar down from 100% to next to nothing with one or two moves. It's very exhilarating when that happens, or when they do a super that just destroys your lifebar. It reminds me a lot of samurai movies in that way where guy does the move and the opponent just stands there for a second then falls over dead. I get the impression that this is going to be a "small pond" scenario where there's the handful of godlike players and everyone else will just get bodied everyday, but I really love this game. I absolutely despise the final boss in the arcade mode.

07: Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice

Speaking of games that are absolutely torture to play. Sekiro is really insidious, the first half or so of the game is relatively easy, but then you hit a certain boss and the game decides its done toying with you and will just start absolutely and utterly destroying you. Every single boss fight from that point forward are some of the most brutal and agonizing fights that have been put in a video game. I had to give up on playing this game for a few weeks because I was getting too tired of throwing myself against the wall in the hopes that this time I'll get the best of this bastard. After finally killing the final boss I had vowed to never play the game again. Then two days later I started a new-game plus playthrough. Whoops! I love the verticality of this game, being able to jump and use a grappling hook was absolutely great. Despite my complaints about the sheer difficulty of the bosses I love the combat in this game. It is particularly exhilarating when a guy makes to stab you with a spear and you stomp it into the ground and take him out yourself. Masataka Oniwa and the Divine Dragon are hands down the best fights in the game, with the final boss being a particularly noteworthy bastard of a fight. Oniwa and the Dragon are great because of the sheer spectacle of the fights, whereas the final boss is great because of he is a great amalgamation of everything the game has thrown to you at that point. I liked this game a lot, but I certainly don't hold it against anyone who decides the difficulty is too much.

06: Nioh 2 Beta

Meanwhile Nioh 2's beta was an absolute gem of a thing that I played this year. Sadly I didn't get into the private alpha towards the start of the year, but I did download the public beta and proceeded to sink nearly thirty hours into it. I love the new weapon they added to the game the switch glaive, which is a combination knuckle weapon/spear/scythe depending on your stance. In low stance it's a lot like Bloodborne's switch-axe or spear in that the blade covers your fist and you punch it into enemies. Mid-stance it turns into a spear, and high turns it into a scythe and I had great fun trying out all the forms in this beta. I adore the fact that the game gives you a devil trigger for your spirit animals, and I love the fact that this game has a character creator. It seems like they're keeping the volume of the drops to the same level as the first game, but that's fine. I cannot wait to get my hands on the full version.

05: Devil May Cry 5

This was a great game, filled to the brim with some amazing set-pieces and great moments. It very much feels like a "greatest hits" version of Devil May Cry combining all the elements from the four original DMCs and also bringing over some stuff from DmC. I was worried a bit about the game being similar to DMC 4 and splitting the action into "Here's the Nero section, here's Dante's, and V's" but it worked out pretty well. It gives you a mission or two to get used to how the characters play but not too much time that it feels like "you've learned this character, but screw that learn Dante." It all blends itself really well. They each have their own feel which works really great with their differences in character, but for my money Nero is the best to play as. The story is also really fun to play through, it has some amazing moments even if some of the stuff is really silly. Also the game gives us Nico, and she's really great.

04: Monster Hunter World: Iceborne

The jump in difficulty from the High-Rank quests to Master-Rank was crazy. Maybe it's because I got rusty, not having played World since roughly February, but I was not really prepared for the increase in difficulty. That said I still adore this game, plus they added both Zinogre and Stygian Zinogre, the only way they could've made an already great game even better is if they were like "and here's Gore Magala and Masharu Magala." I like the new hunter's hub, and they made the game so much better with all the variations of monsters they added to this game. I like the Seething Bazelgeuse and Blackveil Vaal Hazak a lot, and the Ebony Odogaron has an amazing looking set of armor. My only wish was that they add some variations to other monsters, I would've loved to see a variation to Kushala Daora or Teostra and Lunastra. I like the clutch-claw very much even if it's the reason my deaths in hunts has skyrocketed. I can't help but wonder what they're going to do for the next Monster Hunter. What can they do to improve this for the inevitable PS5 and Xbox versions? HD version of Gen Ultimate?

03: Blasphemous

The past couple of years I've grown really dismissive of pixel-art 2D games. Just something about the way they look made me grow weary of them, and maybe I've missed out on some amazing games. Then I believe it was E3 2017 I saw a trailer for Blasphemous and I was instantly drawn to it. There was some combination of the religious horror and gore that just made me very excited. Then the game more or less disappeared, then I laid eyes on this game's trailer and I was instantly back in. This game is absolutely wonderful to play, I love the unlockable moves the game gives you as well as the amazing bleak tone and atmosphere in this game. I like the fact that the more you die in the game the more the game covers up your available MP meter, that's a nifty little mechanic, and I liked the paying money to cure yourself from that problem. It's flavorful, and fits with the tone very nicely. I plan to one day go deeper into why I think this game is as good as I think it is, from both a gameplay and aesthetic sense, but I don't think here's really the place to do it. It's a very good 2D exploration game, and I love it to pieces even if I do think some of the bosses aren't good.

02: Fire Emblem Three Houses

Aside from Monster Hunter and Samurai Shodown I probably spent the most time with this game. One campaign playthrough took me over a hundred hours, and I'm presently ten hours into a second playthrough (of four). I went with the Blue Lions for my first playthrough and I really liked the story the game presented to me. It's not without its faults but overall I quite like what it did, I felt that it was a nice upgrade from the storyline from Fates. I get the distinct impression that there was originally going to only be the Red Eagles and Blue Lions routes but then someone at IntSys just went "give the Golden Deer a path" and so here we are. I don't entirely understand why there's the weapon degradation system in this game, for the relic weapons sure, but for your standard weaponry it doesn't make sense. That said I do really enjoy the missions in this game, there aren't any that really stand out as horrible. I like most of the characters in this game, and it kept me gripped for the entire length of the campaign. A ton of fun this game.

01: Resident Evil 2

I played through this game six times in a month, and once more while I was writing this list. I really, really enjoyed my time with Resident Evil 2 and it is positively astounding that Capcom did such a great job with this game. There are some minor complaints I have with the game, the second run having the completely silly and superfluous handgun with its own ammo certainly stands out. However the game is positively gorgeous, sounds phenomenal and is just ridiculously fun to play. In addition to the wonderful base campaigns there's also the revised 4th Survivor and Tofu modes, then in the summer Capcom released the Ghost Survivor DLC missions which are fun little challenge modes to play. I love everything about this game Capcom really knocked it out of the park with this one, and I cannot wait to see what they do with Resident Evil 3.

The real game of the year was all the War of the Spark pre-release, and the drafts I did. Both IRL and in Magic Arena and Online. That and Core 2020 Pre-release.

#games of the year #end of the year #GOTY #mtg #War of the Spark

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animerrillproductions · 8 years ago

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That Awkward Moment When...

In the course of human events, you accidentally write a pop song. And then another. And you’ve pretty much got a queue of lyrics and musical backlog to the point you might as well be making an album. Yeah, that’s right... turns out I accidentally started making an album which is something I never thought I’d say or do.

So earlier this week I shared with a video with Jimmy about how every Chainsmokers song is written and we had a good laugh about it and everything. Then the next day I was just joking around and said we should actually try to write a pop song for shits and giggles. Less than an hour later we had a back track. And by the end of the night... we accidentally made something pretty decent. We’d always kind of joked of starting a band, but after the first couple songs started taking shape and we realized we could probably make a funny/serious commentary on how shitty pop music, pop culture, etc is while exploiting the formula to make super catchy songs, we decided to go for it. Luckily we already had a joke band name on deck for it: “Medicinal Kazoo.” And well... as they say, here we are now.

For full clarification, Medicinal Kazoo is a name I came up with after watching the now legendary and extremely memable You On Kazoo video, after which I started using “kazoo” as a euphemism for drugs because... well watch the video, it isn’t exactly a ground breaking conclusion. Although we’ve spitballed different ideas for music we could write in the past, it never really came to fruition because in the short term it was more important to focus on our game work. But we’re kinda in the lull between Ludem Dare now and really chugging away at our big project (work has been done mind you, just nothing yet worth sharing... mostly technical stuff, more on that later). More or less, Medicinal Kazoo was gonna be our planned dev cameo in games that allowed it, where we would be an actual band in universe trying to get gigs and such and make it big. But it seems that pop music is so easy to write and sing lyrics for, even a talentless hack fraud like me can do it with a little assistance from an actual musician!

So what now? Well probably not much actually, not for a while anyway. We’ve got rough takes of a couple of songs but this has actually motivated me to quit smoking so my voice can heal up and I can actually sing a little better. In the longer term we’ll probably take a while just to write a full track list and get everything polished up, and I have a couple music videos in mind I wanted to try to actually animate so I can cross that off my bucket list on top of literally becoming a rock star. Really that’s mostly what this is about: how many people can actually say they made a pop album who aren’t in the industry? Like just decided one day to sit down and record some stuff as a joke and have it accidentally come out pretty decent? Not many. And it’s been a really good creative outlet for when I’d probably be too zonked to do much else in the interim between transferring positions at work.

But of course, get hyped, cuz that shit’s coming. #MEDICINALKAZOO #SHITPOST2017 ... or 18 idk.

“BUT ETHAN, WHADDABOUT THE GAME?”

Good question, single person who reads this. Things are also going very well for the game too, although after the 72 hour crunch of LD I did need to kind of step back and plan to pace myself over the long term. Last weekend I finally got together a decent level editor, both so I don’t have to use Game Maker’s broken level editor but also so Jimmy could help with level design as well (not to mention, I’d like to add a way for fans to add custom levels as well once the game releases). That kind of consumed my entire last weekend though because... well, mostly file parsing stuff. Which is why it’s not really anything worth posting. I’m in the process of adding enemies and collectables to the game soon though so hopefully by next weekend I can at least get a new screenshot of that.

Jimmy also has a lot of the sound effects and music already written, we just have to design some stuff so it works a little more like an old NES game would. Which is really the theme of this game: to make an NES game that never was. From an art perspective, I’ve been trying to follow all the rules (as best as I can understand them) to make sure I’m not using too many colors and the screen resolution is perfect... I might even add a CRT filter by the end if it’s possible. For the music and sfx though, it’s a bit tricky. Because of course now you can just load all the mp3s and wavs you want into Game Maker and play them back on the fly with little to no consequence. But in the NES days you only had four channels for ALL music and sound effects: two wave channels, a saw wave channel for mostly drum sounds, and a “noise” channel that gave us some glorious bitcrushed voice and sound samples back in the day. So basically we need to figure out a way to divide the music in game and make sure the music temporarily stops playing for a sfx occupying that channel to play and then start again.

Also on the subject of samples and sfx, this game is actually going to be voice acted. Again, with GLORIOUS bitcrushing and probably earbleeding results. But we think it will add to the comedy/charm of the game.

I’m not sure when I’ll have the next update ready, but hopefully something soon. I’ve been able to post one of these a week so far and I would like to keep up that pace though. Site updates will be coming early June most likely along with some light rebranding (I relearned vector art so I can update my logo and the site graphics). More will be coming soon though, and thank you for reading as always! :3

~AniMerrill, a.k.a. Ethan Merrill

#news

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m-azing · 8 years ago

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how to break down sobbing at work, or: my thoughts on Night Vale’s 100th episode

(it’s been a loooong time since I wrote an essay-type post about something so please forgive me if this reads badly, I just wanted to capture my 938492 emotions!!)

Four years ago I came home from a month-long archaeological excavation in Italy to my very sleepy, very hot hometown for summer vacation. I had just finished my first year of college, just ended my first ever (short-lived, but very intense) relationship, and just traveled on my own for the first time in my life. I was unbelievably jetlagged from the timezone shift and thanks to a month of hard labor in a farm field, my body cycles were completely out of whack. It was also the first summer I’d ever had where a lot of my very best friends weren’t around Pittsburgh, but at their college campuses or new hometowns. Thanks to all this, for about a month following my return I was in a constant state of exhaustion, loneliness, and depression.

This is when I decided to check out a new podcast I’d seen going around tumblr and twitter. I had no idea what it was about in the slightest, but I had no interest in any of my old favorite shows or books at the moment. I was spending all day in my room just knitting for hours at this point, so a podcast seemed like a nice option for background noise. I figured I may as well just listen to something different.

I started the first episode and thought, “alright, so this is extremely weird.” I did not care for “Waiting for the Bus in the Rain” on the first playthrough. But I kept playing. And as I did, I began to feel less numb, less heavy. I started laughing at the gags. I started feeling somber at some of the weather selections (shoutout to “This Too Shall Pass,” which has since become one of my all-time fave songs). I started……feeling, in general. Listening to the show got my brain to start working again. It felt like a huge weight was slowly coming off of my chest. It felt like slowly, I was coming back to myself.

There were only 29 total episodes out that summer. When school started again in the fall I kept up for a while, but eventually my backlog piled up. I started to save Night Vale for trips: long bus rides to visit my bff in New York, the plane flights I took across Europe during my study abroad, the car trips to and from my hometown when I’d go home for the holidays. I listened to Night Vale in the back of a car with my two good friends after a trip to the beach, the sky dark and huge as we flew down the highway. I listened to Night Vale in a cold bus seat on a rainy day, the sun just starting to set, tall windmills with blinking red lights cresting over the mountains out the window. I listened to Night Vale in my room that first summer, too hot and too lethargic and too numb, hands cramping up from knitting so much as I sat almost upside down and heard the monologue at the end of “A Memory of Europe” and cried because finally someone had told me that they had felt exactly the way I was feeling, and that that was alright. That I would be alright.

I’ve cried at a lot of Night Vale episodes since then: “Old Oak Doors A+B,” “The September Monologues,” “Review,” “Lost in the Mail,” and of course, “Toast,” to name a few. I have a few favorites that I can listen to an infinite number of times. I have a few favorites that I consider so special that I can only listen to them when it really matters. Night Vale became special to me not because it got me out of that depression, but because it held my hand through it, and through the next one, and through the one after that. It has never stopped making me feel more, and feel better. It reminded me that even though life can be hard and confusing and scary, you will always find something wonderful in it.

Like that summer, this year has been full of change for me. I’ve moved 2,000 miles away from my home and my family, the furthest really that anyone from my family has ever moved. I’ve started a level of school that will lead to a career for me in a time where no one my age feels a sense of security when they think about having a career, especially a career in the arts. I’ve had to make new friends and try to hold on to the old ones, and even though I’m blessed with phone and internet, it’s still so hard to keep everyone close across time and distance. I’ve been happy, but even then I still fear that at any moment I’ll slip back into the depression and anxiety attacks that plagued me last winter and spring. I don’t even think I need to mention election season.

When Joseph Fink started the weather, I will tell you honestly that alone in a museum art storage vault, I sat down in a chair in front of a pile of acid-free packing paper and cried. I kept crying as I heard the entire cast raise their glasses to Cecil and Carlos, wishing them luck and happiness and goodness. I cried hearing Cecil and Carlos wish the same for each other, hearing those characters who have been in my life for four years express their gratitude for family and friendship and love. I cried too because I thought of myself hearing Joseph’s first song, four years ago, and how that girl turned out alright. She grew up and changed and she kept feeling, and it was alright, and she was alright. I cried because I knew, just hearing that episode, that I will be alright.

Night Vale is a unique and special show. It’s a show about overcoming fear, and standing up for what you believe in, and finding the wonderful things in a life that isn’t always wonderful. It’s a show about love. Mountains aren’t real, angels are illegal, and cats float four feet above the ground, but there is love. There will always be love. And so I offer my congratulations to Night Vale, for lasting this long and for still meaning so much. For writing that second song and promising us a third. For being a wonderful, loving thing in this world and in my life.

“Lie down and look up at the ceiling and breathe with those curiously fragile lungs of yours and remind yourself: don’t worry. Don’t worry. All is as it was meant to be. It was meant to be lonely and terrifying and unfair and fleeting. Don’t worry.” --Welcome to Night Vale, “Condos Live Show”

#night vale

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thecrookedgavel · 5 years ago

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The Black Box Readings - Ep 1 Transcript

Here’s the transcript for episode 1 of The Black Box Readings, the podcast where I read to you the backup of queer blogs that have gone down.

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An: Hey, all! And welcome to The Black Box Readings, the new podcast where I read to you the backup of queer blogs that have gone down! I’m your host, An Capuano. So basically, it’s a show where I narrate through a deleted or deactivated blog over the course of a season, with a focus on queer artists. Though to be honest, there was a specific blog that inspired me to make this podcast, and unless this format is super popular, I may just do the one season. Anyway, although reading things in a dramatic fashion is definitely in my wheelhouse, non-fiction podcasts are not. So please bear with me while I go through some growing pains as I try and figure this thing out.

Alright, so this season, we have the story of a digital artist who caught my attention with a really cool piece of Overwatch fanart. It’s about her journey through a life spent mostly online, disability, and navigating through the difficulties of realizing that you’re trans.

For those of you not in the know, I am a disabled trans woman myself, so it’s not a journey I’m altogether unfamiliar with. The biggest reason I’m doing this podcast is because stories like ours get drowned out in the media. I wanted to be able to tell her story so that queer people, young and old, can hear something that resonates with them. And I have a good feeling that this will do that for you.

The Tumblr in question, I won’t say the address. Just know that the title of the blog was: “Less Than Human”. Yeah, I know. Not a very cheery introduction. I sort of choose to think of it, kind of like reclaiming a slur. If she calls herself less than human, other people lose the power to hurt her with it. I’m telling you the blog title because it is important later.

Anyways, enough out of me, here’s the first post of the episode, which happens to be the first post of the blog itself. It’s titled:

“Welcome!

Hey, my name is -”

Ok, so I guess I didn’t think this through. In the post, she uses her deadname, and I don’t feel comfortable reading it out to you all. If I have to choose between deadnaming a trans girl and being a little inaccurate, I’m choosing inaccuracy. I should say, actually, that I don’t consider myself a journalist or anything like that. Also, I get it would be bad of me to use her real name too. So we’ll just call her… Hmmm…. Ok, let’s go with Emmy.

“Welcome!

Hey, my name is Emmy, and I’m 19 years old! Nice to meet you guys! I’ve decided to start posting on my tumblr instead of using it as a dash, lol! I’m a visual artist, though I mostly stick to digital art these days. I spend most of my time reading. My fandoms are Gravity Falls, Steven Universe, Supernatural, Sonic the Hedgehog, Marvel, and of course, Shrek! Lmao. I think Cat Girls are cute, but I’m not a weeb”

*Laugh* I never read this post while she was active. Her sense of humor is really present in this post, she was always silly like this. Anyways, she follows up this post by posting a backlog of art that I figure she must have made and not shown to anyone. It’s all really good stuff. Some fandom, some original. It’s clear to me that she’s not posting her earlier, rougher work. I don’t remember too many details though, as this was a while ago, and I didn’t think to save her artwork when I was copying all her text posts into the google doc. I hope someone out there saved them before they were deleted, though.

I’m not going to bore you by reading every single one of her posts, or anything like that. Just the ones that stand out to me. Here’s one about Supernatural and how she might be falling out of love with it.

“I don’t know guys, I’m finding it hard to watch supernatural these days. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still one of my favorite shows, it’s just totally not as good as the first 5 seasons. That and I WANT DEAN AND CASS TO BE TOGETHER! Is that so wrong? Look, Cass is an immortal being that just HAPPENED to take a male form. If he had a female form, you can bet that he and Dean would have banged already. I’ve read the tumblr posts too, the ones that talk about all the hints the writers give that Dean is gay. This is ABSOLUTELY queerbaiting, and even as a straight guy, I can see that. I have a lot of gay mutuals who have convinced me how ultimately cute Dean and Cass are, and I feel bad for them, because they’re not being treated fair. You think in its 12 seasons there would be something, but no, nothing. Pisses me off”

Here is where we start seeing a connection between Emmy and queer culture. Although she’s currently IDing as straight and male, you can tell she cares about queer representation. Now, I’m not saying that wanting good queer content makes you queer, of course not. Just that knowing that Emmy is queer, when you look back at her earlier posts, there’s some evidence there. She even talks about Castiel, a male character, having a female form, which I find interesting for obvious reasons.

Next up is a post about something outside of her fandoms, a show called Monk. For those of you who don’t know it, it’s a show focused on a detective with OCD who uses his disability to solve crimes no one else can. As someone with OCD myself, I really enjoyed the show, but it’s not without its problems. Hmm, yeah, I’ll get to those after reading the post, I think

“I’ve been watching a new show lately! Well, a show that’s new to me at least. It’s called Monk! I’m 3 seasons in, and I laugh every episode. But it’s not without its serious moments too. It’s about Adrian Monk, a detective with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and it’s like a super power to him. He can do things no one else can. But he also can’t do things that everyone else takes for granted. Mood. He always says “It’s a gift… And a curse” when talking about it. Big mood. Anyway, I highly recommend it, because it’s a positive depiction of someone mentally ill! I’m so used to people who are “crazy” being mass murderers or some shit. Idk, it’s heartwarming.”

I noticed one of the hashtags of her post was, “Finally found a version with captions.” This is important for later and I’ll get to it by the end of the episode. Where the previous post was the first we saw of her queerness, this is the first we’ll see about her connection with mental illness. It’s unclear if she feels her inabilities are balanced off by her abilities, or if her “mood” was just about her being unable to do what others can. Since her “big mood” is regarding Adrian Monk’s favourite quote “It’s a gift and a curse”, I like to think she was being positive and was including her abilities in the “mood.”

While I do agree with Emmy that it’s a positive depiction of someone mentally ill, and that’s certainly better than having yet another bad guy is who’s only evil because he’s crazy, I’m worried that it’s too positive. It’s actually a really common trope where neurodivergent people in media are seen as “super human,” like Sheldon in the Big Bang Theory, or uhh, the main character from The Good Doctor, I forget his name. It makes it look like everyone with autism or OCD are geniuses, and that sort of skews how neurotypicals view people like us in a negative way. Like, I do view my OCD as a gift, I wouldn’t be able to write the way I do, or play video games the same way if I didn’t have it. But I’m not a superhuman by any means. But I’m expected to, in some sense, outperform everyone because of my OCD, because of this impossible standard set by the media. *Sigh* I’m sorry, I’m getting really off topic. I hope you don’t mind this little rant.

Back to Emmy, I find it a little upsetting that she feels herself cursed in some way. Knowing what I know about her, I like to think she was more gifted than cursed, but given the title of her blog, I doubt she would agree with me. We can glean from this post that she is disabled in some way or another. Maybe she herself has OCD? Or maybe she just relates her own, different disability to OCD? It’s hard to tell at this point, and I don’t want to spoil it, especially since it will come up again in a few posts.

Next up, we have a post about not just queer characters, but lesbian characters. I’m sure you have heard of Overwatch by now, even if you haven’t played it. Well, the creative devs promised us that a handful of the cast was queer, and at least to me, it seemed like an empty promise. Hmm, I guess it seems a little bit like the queerbaiting conversation we had earlier. Interesting. You know what I mean, right? Like, why take the risk of pissing off the straight, cis part of your fanbase with queer characters when you can just say some characters are queer and attract a bigger queer fanbase that way? But then they did something that blew me out of the water. They made a comic where Tracer has a girlfriend. This next post from Emmy is about this reveal.

“Merry Christmas! And what a Christmas it’s been. Because I got something I’ve been asking for for a LONG time. Blizzard made Tracer gay! I’m not the only one who’s been asking for this, a huge chunk of the fandom has been saying that Tracer is only into other girls. It’s been my headcanon for so long, and now it doesn’t have to be, because it’s canon! Tracer and Emily are so cute together! And their kiss is so hot too! Yeah, lesbians are really hot in general. They’re every guy’s ultimate fantasy. Thanks, Jeff!”

An: Ok, so before we continue, I think I need to apologize on Emmy’s behalf for the way she talks about lesbians. As a trans lesbian, I had a period where I talked about lesbains that way too. Before I came to terms with that identity, I mean. Since you believe you’re a straight guy, there’s no real explanation for why you’re so into lesbians other than them being a male fantasy. But it’s more than that. It’s part of like, seeing yourself as a girl that the idea of being with a girl that likes girls... that is so fundamentally appealing.

Like, ok. *sigh* I remember this one time very clearly… I was with my girlfriend at the time and a friend of mine at a bubble tea shop. This was probably 9 or 10 years ago now? Jeez. Anyways, this couple of girls starts making out at the table next to us, and I had a full on sexual awakening. I remember that I couldn’t look away. Mostly because my ex wouldn’t let me forget it. I got teased by my friend and berated by my ex. Because I couldn’t explain what happened to her, let alone to myself, I eventually came up with a rather math-y explanation involving vectors of attraction *laugh*. Something like, if women are attractive to me, and men are not attractive to me, then adding their vectors together gives less attraction than two women’s vectors being added together. It was pretty stupid. I don’t talk to either of those two people anymore, by the way.

Anyways, my point is that since this is before she’s realized she’s a lesbian herself, she’s under the false impression that she needs to sexualize lesbians in order to explain why she’s so attracted to the concept. So please don’t hold that against her.

---

With that out of the way, we can move on to her next post. It’s a piece of art she made, and it’s pretty special to me. You see, this was the way I found her blog. One of the blogs I follow, who knows which at this point, must have reblogged it and it came across my dashboard. Again, I don’t have a copy of any of Emmy’s art, but I remember it pretty well. It’s a picture of Emily wearing Tracer’s outfit... Shit… Why did I give Emmy a name so close to Emily? Emily as in Tracer’s girlfriend. Maybe it’s because of my association with her and this drawing? Either way, it’s too late now, I’m not re-recording this whole episode. *Sigh* We’ll just stick with the blogger being named Emmy. Anyways! She’s sort of looking a bit out of place, like she doesn’t know how to feel about having a Chrono-accelerator attached to her chest. There’s a speech bubble in the frame pointing off screen that says, “You look marvellous, love!”, or something to that effect, but it’s obviously supposed to be Tracer saying it. It was a really cute drawing, and I was really fond of it, so I liked and followed. Feels like so long ago.

Anyways, she did reblog the picture afterwards, saying:

“Thank you so much for all the notes! I really appreciate the support. Who knew that something so dumb would be liked by so many people? I really like Emily, and I hope she’s added as a Hero in Overwatch soon! I feel so happy! I’m going to go and do some more drawing, so keep an eye out for more posts!”

Not much going on in this post, but I decided to read it anyway because it contrasts so heavily with the next post. Not the next time she posted, but the next post I’m going to read. Actually, it’s the last post of this episode.

So, I’m going to warn you, this is a side of Emmy we haven’t seen yet. The really negative side. *Sigh* I don’t know what set her off, maybe nothing did, but I think this post is very important to read to you, as it clears the air about her disabilities.

“I really appreciate all the love you’ve given my art, but I feel like I don’t deserve any of it. I’m so broken and worthless and I’ve only been pretending to be normal so that you’ll all like me. The truth is, I’m physically and mentally disabled, and life is just a never ending struggle.

First off, I’m deaf. Very deaf. The quietest thing I can hear in either ear is a chainsaw. It means I can’t understand speech or anything I’d need to be social. I don’t know sign language at all, I was never taught. So I just… stay inside all day. I’ve been homeschooled by my Dad since I was young. He thinks something bad will happen to me if I go outside, because I couldn’t hear something like a car coming towards me. So I live my life online, for the most part. I feel so isolated, and like I can’t relate to anyone normal.

Also, I have Bi-Polar Disorder. For those you don’t know of it, it basically means I have high highs and low lows. I’ve done a good job so far at hiding my lows from everyone and only showing my highs. Until now, I guess… I just feel so low today, and I couldn’t hold it back anymore. I just had to be real. Even if it’s an ugly side of me that I hate. My dad hates how moody I am too. He just doesn’t get that it’s not my fault. Even my highs are hard for him to handle sometimes. Anyway, please forgive me for lying so long”

So, I sense a bit of imposter syndrome here. She’s gotten some success and because she views herself as not even a normal person, she thinks she doesn’t deserve it. It’s a pretty common feeling amongst content creators and something you have to move past if you want to make stuff. It’s like, *sigh* like me, I’m not an expert voice actor, why are people listening to me? I have tricked them into thinking I’m worth listening to. If you’re feeling that way about a recent success, just know that it’s all bullshit and it’s normal to feel that way. I wish I had that knowledge at the time I originally read that post… Because then, I would have messaged her and let her know. But yeah, we have more to unpack here.

She talks about being deaf, and the level that she describes is a profound hearing loss, which is as bad as it gets. I have that level of hearing loss in my left ear, and it’s really hard to deal with. So, I kind of can’t imagine what it would be like to have it in both ears.

Like, for me, I remember this one time where I was at my locker in high school, and someone must have been asking me a question a few times on my bad side. She wanted to know if I had any extra bus tickets, and by the time I finally caught on that she was talking to me, she said something like “Urg, I just want to punch you.” And it wasn’t a joke either, she was very frustrated with the way my hearing loss had affected her. It made me feel small, and like I was an inconvenience to those around me. Guess it didn’t help how I felt that I had a crush on her at the time… Ha… *Sigh* It was very isolating to grow up like that. I didn’t really belong there, but I didn’t exactly belong in the deaf community either, since I could hear fine out of one ear. So when Emmy describes how isolating it is to be deaf and not know sign language, I get it. I really feel that. When I saw this post, it really made me feel for her. This is probably the point in time where I made a mental note to support her art whenever I could.

Lastly she talks about her mental illness, being bi-polar. I know a lot less about bi-polar disorder than I do hearing loss. Though I was in a production that never wrapped up about a bi-polar teen. Actually, I was the strict dad who couldn’t understand his child’s illness, which is a similar theme seen in Emmy’s post. I’ve actually been cast as a dad 3 or 4 times now? Yeah. *Laughs* Anyways, what I understand about it is that it can be seasonal. You might be manic for a season, and depressive for another. But yeah, it doesn’t always work that way. Usually medication can help balance you out, but in Emmy’s case, she wasn’t taking any meds at this point. I’ll say it here for clarity’s sake, but her having bi-polar disorder was a self-diagnosis, not a professional one. That’ll be covered in the next episode, though.

So now the whole “Less than Human” thing makes a bit more sense, doesn’t it? Not because it’s true in any sense, but because it was true to her. Disability is something that people tend to see as different, or othering. There’s a lot of stigma there. We can sort of tell at this point that the way her Dad views her and treats her doesn’t help her feel any better about this either.

That’s why she likes the depiction of mental illness in Monk so much, right? Because it’s a bit of a “More than Human” approach. It gives her some hope that maybe she can be seen positively one day too. As far as movies with Deaf characters goes there’s like 100, if I recall correctly. Which is honestly pitiful compared to the amount of movies, period. So it’s more than likely that she never got to see herself in media in that perspective before.

Also, there’s the markings of a budding trans girl in there too, which may further intensify the feeling of not being human. For years and years *sigh*, there was practically zero positive representation of trans people in media. We’re taught that feeling like this makes us freaks, and that presenting differently than we’re supposed to makes us... something worse than that. It all comes together to form something bitter and isolating. Especially before you start owning those parts of you and finding a community of your own.

Thank you for listening to this episode of The Black Box Readings! I really ranted more than I thought I would. Hopefully you all liked the anecdotal stuff I added in, didn’t really plan on doing that. Follow me on Twitter at TheCrookedGavel to stay up to date on this and other queer podcasts. Feel free to contact me there as well. This is An Capuano, signing off!

#queer #lgbtpride #visualart #podcast #transisbeautiful

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