#I'm always open to explaining and exploring my thoughts more lol

[skulkingfoxes]

A post-mortem of "Good Morning, Rose"

A few weeks ago, I posted my addition to the comic anthology GLIMM*R, a short comic called "Good Morning, Rose".

The reaction to it has been so uplifting and exciting. It really seemed to struck a cord with people, which, really, the best thing for me to hear as a creator. I absolutely love writing and making short comics, you can do much with so little, explore such interesting stories. The feedback I've gotten has been very heartwarming! It makes me want to explore short stories even more!

But, first, I want to talk about some of my feelings and about the process of making "Good Morning, Rose". This got a bit long, so you'll have to indulge me a bit. You should also read the comic first before reading this. Don't worry, it's only 8 pages.

Now the preamble is out of the way, lets go back to the beginning.

The idea of "Good Morning, Rose" was a nugget in my brain for a long time! Originally it was actually from the Dreamwalker's point of view, where she was a faceless entity who had a long term relationship with Rose and was trying to figure out how to explain that their relationships only were in Rose's dreams. It was a story about seeing, accepting, and loving each other truly and fully, and the trials and tribulations of getting there. Also a cute girl with an ancient eldrich being is always fun to explore.

A lot of it was too convoluted, emotionally and storywise. It also required to get into what the Dreamwalker actually was, which I ended up really not liking. So, ultimately, the idea didn't work, and I put it down. I ended up going to do my short comic Twigs instead.

When I was invited into the wlw anthology GLIMM*R and was told that the theme was "dreams", I decided to take another stab at the concept. This time, I inverted the pov, it's now Rose's story. And instead of a long term relationship, it was about the powerful first feeling of a perfect (maybe even too perfect?) first date.

One of the hardest thing to write in romance is getting readers to care about the relationship in the first place. To have the readers believe in the character's feeling, to be invested in their romance. This is even harder to do when you only have 8 pages to do it. Focusing it around a first date helped a lot in that case. There I'm not trying to sell that these two character will love each other forever and forever, just the fluttering first butterflies of realizing you're developing feeling for someone. It's why I leave it so open-ended about whether the two of them meet again at the end of the comic, or even if it was real in the first place. It's just not the point of the story.

That's something important about writing short stories, I find. You really have to hone in on an idea, on a thought. Take a simple idea and try to find all of the interesting layers. It's too easy to try to stuff a short story with too many ideas that ultimately go unfulfilled. In fact, the first draft of the comic, at the time called "Dream Date", there was a big problem with this and the pacing.

Here, take a look at the first stab at the roughs:

(BTW, there is something so fun about roughs for me lol. The art is so kinetic and loose, all about just getting the story across)/

As you can see, a lot of the ideas and imagery made to the final version of the comic. But both the initial readers and I agreed that the beginning and end were good, but the middle was messy and slowed things down. You can also see that I got stuck in the same problem I did when I first conceived of the story, it's bogged down trying to understand the Dreamwalker in a way that actually hurts the story. You simply dont have any room for bad pacing a short comic like this. I need to focus more on the character's and their emotions and exploring their actual relationship rather than blandly trying to explain the situation. A friend also suggested that I should hone in on the fluid dream-like aspects of the first couple of pages, especially since it's so fun to explore in the medium of comics. So I got to work gutting it out and trying again with the new, much stronger imo, direction.

Also there were some issues with the page format that needed changes for printing, thus the final spread had to be split up. Which is a shame, but oh well, it still works. I also honed in a lot more on Rose and her insecurities. I ended up putting a lot of myself into Rose. I'm glad readers seems to able to relate to her.

After figuring out the the story and the pacing, I went and, well, made the comic. Once you've done as many comic pages I have at this point, once you figure out a process, the actual drawing is fairly straightforward. Eventually, after thinking, and drawing, and toiling, and revising, and thinking hard about my life choices, I come out of the other end of the tunnel with a comic. One that I ended up really liking. One that other people ended up liking, which is always crazy to me.

I got a lot of interesting reactions to the comic. One demographic thinking it was sweet, wanting more of it (always a flattering thought), and enjoying the romance. Other remarking on the bittersweetness of it all, finding your soulmate in a dream, maybe never to see them again if they were even real in the first place. There were a lot of people remarking how they had a similar dream, one where they met someone they seemed totally and completely convinced that they were real and told the dreamer so, until the dreamer woke up. There was one person who asked if I had met the dreamwalker myself. Alas, my dreams are not this romantic and straightforward.

But all of us can hold hands, nod at each other, united by one universally true statement: big eldritch lady hot.

There's a lot of little bits I can talk about, like how Rose's dress is actively modeled after selkie dresses because I think they're cute, or some other trials and tribulations. But I think I've finished all I have had to say. I hope you enjoyed this and will stick around for my future projects! I definitely want to explore more short stories in the next year, especially as I am illustrating big graphic novels for my day job and don't have the time or energy for huge projects.

Till then, thank you so much! Happy holidays and have a good new year!

[sweetshelluvaau]

Finally, the Queen and Princess of Gluttony are here!!

Truth be told though, I got my Beelzebub done sometime last year (Summer or Fall I don't remember) but wanted to wait until I got my Kesha!Bee redesign done before posting her up in full because I need to talk about canon!Bee.

Which also explains the coloring differences between the two pics but heh...

Like always, notes under the cut. Drawn in Clip Studio Paint and with Photoshop CS6 for final touches. Okay to reblog, Feedback is encourage.

About Beelzebub in canon:

Honestly, I don't mind her design. think it's cute in a vacuum but at the same time it's pretty busy with the many colors and things going on. I prefer her Mastermind look honestly, she slayed in that outfit and it went simple on the colors (also think it fits with her animal tamer motif she's suppose to have because 'sins being a circus trope' but it's poorly done, if barely there):

I do dig the fuck out of her hair and tail. Just how flowy it is it reminds me of honey, which is fitting because BEEzlebub. The lava lamp stomach is cool too but I feel in a vacuum being as I said, her design is busy as it is (though I do think having a simple color scheme like in her Mastermind outfit does make it a little less attention grabbing).

I think her personality is fine too, for the most part. Sometimes she can get a little grating but overall I don't dislike her character. I like the idea of the party girl vibe she has going considering that Gluttony isn't just over consumption of food but of anything so her being a party girl who overindulges in drugs and achoal is pretty clever (or at least as clever we're getting out of Hellaverse)

That being said, she never really screamed Queen of Gluttony to me. I know most of the Sins don't act like demons who are thousand of years old which is fine I like the idea they change with the times but they still feel like they could be in their mid/late 30's- 40's putting aside the immoral part but with the case of Beelzebub, she acts a bit too young? I don't know if I'm making sense lol.

Anyway. To the design (and personality) notes:

Queen Bee:

For my Beelzebub, I decided to go with 70's disco queen/Donna Summer's vibes with her. The Gluttony ring in canon already gave 70s vibes with it's architecture. I saw plenty of Beelzebub's that went in the a Rococo era/Marie Antoinette direction which is fitting yeah, but considering it's been done so much and the whole 'party girl' thing canon!Bee has going; I thought it was a good era to take inspiration from.

Speaking of Parties, yes she still host them but not in the same way as her daughter does. Queen Bee's are more formal get togethers like galas but make no mistake, there's plenty of food and drinks to go around. She IS the Embodiment of Gluttony after all.

Despite the whole 70s get up, Queen Bee's view on her Sin is a bit old fashion but she does keep up with the times both because she has to because ya know, she's the Embodiment of Gluttony and she's always open to new interpretations and ways her Sin can be explored. She just happens to dig the 70s era when it comes to aesthetics and such.

Hellhounds were not created by Beelzebub, but come from Cerberus, who predates Hell before Lucifer's Fall and when it was still referred by the The Pits. She and him are married in my AU. I plan talking about Hellhounds more when I write up my Gluttony Ring post in the future.

Princess Bee:

She's basically how canon!Bee is in the show: An unapologetic party girl. I really don't have much to say about her personality honestly. Her full name is 'Princess Beelzebub of Gluttony the 2nd' but everyone calls her 'BB'

Obviously I wanted to make her more Hellhound-ish (I can't draw snoots lol). I regret not adding more bug like features to her but being I'm gonna likely revisit her once I design her dad being I haven't figured out the direction I want to take him yet.

Flowy honey style hair my beloved <3. I wanted to try to see if I could try to do something with the lava lamp stomach but with the jacket and hair I didn't want the design to be too busy.

Yes, I went heavy on the bee them. Bee fuzz faux fur jacket and leg warmers, honeycomb belt buckle, honeycomb pattern on her bra style top. Def has a bumblebee stamp tramp as well kinda like this:

Honestly I don't really have much more to say. Sorry that the notes are kinda bare this time being I didn't have a whole lot to say. But um...yeah...

Bouns! BB without her jacket:

Not sure what will be next it's a toss up between Stolas, Leviathan or the Wrath Ring post.

[celestie0]

notes on kickoff ch.7

hellooo if you're here thank you for taking the interest! i just had some creative notes i wanted to get off my chest with the release of ch.7 lol i felt compelled to do so with this one i'm basically journaling here. you can read this after reading ch7 here!

I. on gojo's feelings

as for why didn't gojo just tell reader how he felt at the end of the chapter, and instead only says what he does. i think i rewrote this ending like five different times, he was never supposed to tell her at this point based on my story planning, but i did explore the idea of a dramatic confession here regardless, and it didn't fit for lots of different reasons for one, i think he's finally able to put himself in reader's shoes. it's true he's pretty dense and obviously has commitment issues/valid fears that keep him from opening up, but that still doesn't mean he hasn't hurt reader in a lot of different ways already. he realizes, whether intentionally or not, he's led her on and to do a complete turnaround within a few hours while she's already trying to process rejection as she is clearly withdrawn from him i believed would've been selfish on his part, and could possibly cause even more hurt over the fact that he could come off ingenuine. gojo is finally emotionally aware of her enough to recognize it, but he's not a perfect person so it still slips through that he's distraught at the thought of never seeing her again. in general i'm of the opinion that if someone asks for space, you respect that unless they say otherwise of note, just because he realizes that he has these feelings, doesn't necessary change his fears, as no single moment can undo years of trauma, so i think that's why he bites his tongue too. i'm not keen on making this a "woman fixes man" story but i moreso want to embrace the sentiment that you don't need to resolve every single bad thing that's ever happened to you in order to embrace love or happiness.

II. on gojo's commitment issues

i know it was brought up in the first gojo pov that he has issues committing to just one woman, but i wanted this chapter to reveal that it's really just his fear of opening up to people due to the still raw loss he feels of losing someone he loved. i aim with his pov to be more of a stream of his own consciousness rather than from an omniscient observer, which may explain the ambiguity. he's not sure if he's able to open up to a person in a way he knows is normal and healthy, so he settles on shallow connections instead. just wanted to clear this up, and say that it won't be any sort of plot point in which he struggles to be sincere or faithful when he seriously wants to commit to someone as he has no issues with that if he truly wants to be with them (unlike the whore he's been so far in the series lmao)

III. on strawberry vanilla soda

btw i've never had this flavor of soda i'm not even sure where i came up w it loool or if it even exists. i was kind of toying with the idea of gojo seeing reader's message on the can during the match, and that would maybe help him get more focused on the field (sooo sports romance cliche but i still love it haha) but i settled on him seeing it afterwards to kinda parallel the clumsiness he's had with reader so far. for some reason, the universe just doesn't want him to get his timing right with her lol

IV. on angst/conflict

i know ch7 was a bit differentttt less gojo x reader and more just gojo lmfao, it was also a bit angsty. it definitely won't stay angsty throughout the remaining chapters. this was just gojo's lore drop chapter LOL. there will still obviously be angst here and there, but i've got a lot of fun, cute, tense, silly, passionate, messy scenes still planned similar to ch5&6 because i prefer writing those kinds of scenes haha. ultimately this story was always meant to be a full-circle romance, so ch7 was to lay some of the emotional groundwork that gets brought up as the story builds to its climax

that's all i have to saayyy if you actually read this whole thing i love you?? lol. ch7 really emotionally resonated with me as i wrote it, both as someone who understands how gojo feels but also as someone who understands how reader feels, and if it resonated with you too then that makes me very happy and that's ultimately every writer's dream haha. was very cathartic to share these thoughts. i hope to see you in the next oneeee <3 have a wonderful rest of your day!

[chakotaybodypillow]

Topics for my Chakotay research!! :D

Before I fully dive into everything I have about Chakotay I want to create and share my sort of headers or what I plan to discuss so yall have an idea of what I’ll be discussing the following weeks :D I may or may not follow this to a tee. I have tried over the years to create a document organizing my thoughts. But there is always so much to consider and it's forever changing. Especially now his background region is specified.

If there is anything in here that is not addressed that you would like me to cover, please let me know! I'll let you know whether or not its something included deeper in the text or if its something I've not yet considered. If that's the case my dms are open and we can discuss it :)

The Al-lore of Chakotay

1: Self Introduction

-How Chakotay made me consider “self” and “others” in the real world and in media.

2: Prodigy and the Nicarao

-The research and the why -The Greater Nicoya -The petroglyphs -Further thoughts and questions

3: The wrongdoings of Chakotay

-Negative stereotypes -Inaccurate cultural portrayals -intro to fixing this within canon? (statement or kinda thesis idk)

4: My past research for a “tribe”

-The research and the why -The Maya -The Lancandon -Q’eqchi

5: Considering the cards we were dealt

-The issue with Trebus -A realistic look at Trebus -Trebus within the Star Trek realm -Tying together the loose ends (how it works for his story/issues in community)

6: Considering the cards we were dealt part 2

-Chakotay's identity as told (issues with his “identity”/the Ladino) -The issues with the destruction of Trebus -Posing some questions (futurism for poc) -Further and final thoughts on fixing him within canon (chronological issues)

7: Exploring Chakotay 1 (Important themes to potentially explore)

-Chakotay's story and immigration -Chakotay's story and “Nepantla” -Chakotay's story and exploring self identity -Chakotay's story and generational trauma

8: Exploring Chakotay 2

-Chakotay through the eyes of the creators and actor

9: Final thoughts!!

-readings (completed/planned/currently reading)

PART 2: Headcanons for background story!!

1: From canon to beta-canon to headcanon (separating and combining the 3)

-the definitions and the how they work  -personal thoughts on how it works  

2: Character Bible

-super basic info on almost all characters

3: Life on Trebus

-Explanation on why I stay vague -Friends/family -Complications within these circles

4: The Academy

-Deeper intro to characters -1st year -2nd year -3rd year -4th year

5: 1st command (Uss Gettysburg)

-Deeper intro to characters -basic info

6: 2nd command (Uss Vico)

-Deeper intro to characters -basic info (segway to side mission)

7: 2nd command part 2 (the trip back home)

-catching up with characters -basic info 

8: 2nd command part 3

-um.. Kinda fuzzy here but intro to my plans for his return from leave

9: 3rd command (“shore” duty/admin at the academy)

-catching up/intro for characters -basic info

10: 4th/5th duty assignments

-yeah this is a bit fuzzy too but i’ll explain ok  -basic info

11: 6th command (Uss Merrimac)

-don't hate but kinda fuzzy too :( BUT I KNOW THE GENERAL DIRECTION OF ALL OF THESE :(

-basic info

12: The beginning to the maquis

-again…don't hate, but i have important ideas for characters lol

I know this makes me look INSANE but this has been something I’ve thought about for a very long time, maybe like 15 years :/ Its been through a lot in my head and on paper but through my art i’ve been able to generate ideas and a direction i want his character to go. I will state this probably a million times more as I type out my ideas, but the headcanons I include, i dont expect that it will align with everyones ideas and speculations with his story and i dont expect everyone to agree with my opinions. We all view chakotay differently and i'm perfectly ok with that. I do this to give others a different perspective on chakotay and his potential. To show that he is interesting. Also to maybe provide anyone with a more “thorough” background story and development for him. Also for any artist or fanfiction authors out there that want to include any of my work in their own, please feel free!! This is for everyone! Its the reason i do it :D anyways i hope i can share all of these thoughts in full before school starts but idk. Some may come in different formats like videos or art so stay tuned!

I will do my best to link my sources as I post but for now here are just a few videos to watch when considering Chakotay and his ethnicity:

this one is a animated retelling of the Maya creation story from the Popol Vuh : ) this ones a fun watch :D

[ahiddenpath]

Writing/Life Talk

Chatting about writing and meds.

I saw my therapist today and told her that I haven't written much this year. I used to write daily, and it was never something I had to, like... Push myself into doing. I used to be confused, even, when people would say things like... I don't know, "writing is hard," or, "It's hard to get myself to do it." I had to do it, and it happened on its own, almost like breathing.

Ever since getting on my anxiety meds, it's a fight to even open a word processor.

My therapist explained that anxiety meds are "downers," in a fashion. An anxious brain is constantly firing, and when there is nothing for it to obsess over, it literally creates something to worry about. One of the only things that quieted my brain was writing; I literally had to do it to regulate.

My medicated brain no longer behaves like I'm in danger 24/7. I feel relaxed. When something troubling comes up, I recite the serenity prayer, identify what I CAN do and do it, and let go of what I can't fix. When I feel a big emotion, I walk myself through it. Umm... I feel like I'm failing to convey how different a place my brain is now. The other day, I tripped on my own feet while walking. In the past, I would have scolded myself: Pick up your feet, dumbass! Now, I am kind to myself. Careful, darling. Slow down, take your time.

Everything is better. I cannot convey the betterness and its scope to you. I'm so absurdly grateful.

But. But. I'm trying to figure out what to do with this new me, who suddenly is so much more patient, kind, and emotionally available. Who isn't living on her last nerve and eating up her energy trying (and sometimes failing) to manage an anxiety disorder. It's true that my physical health has been really difficult this year, and that has been difficult, but mental health wise, I'm... Well, it's such a huge change, but it's looking so promising right now.

But- again with the but, lol!- Yeah, my needs are different. I don't need to write, which is freaky, because I always have, literally my whole life. Before I knew how to write, I begged my mom for a journal, which I filled with drawings depicting what I wanted to say (which are totally incomprehensible to me now). Lately, rather than writing, I've been playing video games, playing kalimba (poorly), taking walks, pressing wildflowers, and journaling. I've also been a bit more social IRL, trying to ease into that more. And now that I'm feeling alright physically, I am restarting my old exercise routine. Oh, I've been reading, too.

My brain IS calm, as calm as any American brain can be in 2025, anyway. And I don't want to give the impression that people are more creative off their meds. It's just that now, writing is an activity I choose to do, rather than a daily necessity that is almost like a... Like an involuntary nervous system activity.

I feel really weird about that. Like- does that mean I'm not interested in writing the second I no longer need it to keep my anxiety in check? But agonizing over it like that doesn't help. I'm really just adjusting to my new needs. It's okay to explore different things, sometimes. But my therapist suggested that I schedule some writing time so I don't lose the skill and momentum, should I need it in the future.

So... I guess... Now I have to schedule the thing that used to be like breathing. It's a weird thought/feeling, but I guess that's where I am now.

To be honest, I also have complicated feelings about writing because of the state of fanfiction and fandom right now. I've spoken about this a million times, so I'll keep it brief: just last week alone, AO3 was scraped again to feed AI, and someone reposted a ton of unlocked works. My works are locked, so they should be fine, but... The risk/reward ratio to sharing work online is skewed waaay towards risk. I know that's also impacting my relationship with my fanworks. I've wondered if I should try an original piece, but I do want to finish my open projects. I'm fond of them.

Anyway, that's where I am now! I hope you are all managing to take care as best you can. Thanks so much for checking in with me, love you!

[ariundercovers]

It's Not You (Frankie "Catfish" Morales x Reader)

Pairing: Frankie Morales x afab!bi/pan!reader (No use of y/n!)

Length: ~1.5k words

Summary: You accidentally start imagining a woman while Frankie's going down on you. Panic ensues.

Written a a first-go for the @triplefrontier-anniversary ! I hope this drabble doesn't totally suck, lol. I have another one in the works to keep the LGBT+ themes going!

As always, I'm super open to any and all (constructive) criticism. Let me know what you think, what you love, what you hate. I just like to hear from you!

“Oh fuck, fuuuuck-”

Your eyes are squeezed closed, Frankie’s head tucked tightly between your thighs. This was always one of his favorite ways to be - right in the middle of you, tongue working all over your folds and clit like he were the originator of the very action itself.

He’s an expert - absolutely brilliant at it, and he can always get you off in record time, faster than anyone ever could before him. So, this time, when your orgasm completely eludes you, feels entirely too far away for too long, you start to question yourself. 

What is wrong with your body? 

That’s when you squeeze your eyes shut and try your best to picture something that’ll help get you there. 

The sloppy sounds coming from his mouth and between your legs fuel your visions as you’re picturing him on top of you, inside of you, between your legs, and then, suddenly… blonde. Blonde and curvy and boobs on top of you, smothering you. Your eyes jolt open, the image crashing over you like a bucket of ice water, and then you reach down, tugging at his oily curls and pulling him up toward you the best you can manage.

“Fuck, baby, baby, stop, please.” You hate to even ask him something like this. You hate to lose the feeling of it, because it’s still good, even if it’s not quite getting you there right now. He stops immediately - you know he always would - and you whine as you roll your head and look down at him. “It’s not gonna work this time, I don’t think.”

His brows raise at you, confused, and then his face shifts to one of concern as he gets to all fours and closes your legs, shifting them off to the side so he can climb back up the bed and envelop you in his arms.

“What’s wrong, amorcita?” You sigh, closing your eyes and tucking yourself tightly into his chest, trying to figure out how to explain.

“I, uh… shit. It’s… I don’t-” He cuts you off, then, your inability to tell him what’s going on makes him even more nervous.

“What did I do? Tell me, please, so I don’t do it again. I���m sorry, sweetheart, I didn’t mean to, whatever it is.” You pull back from him just enough to look up at his face, eyes widening as you realize that he thinks this is his fault.

“Oh, Frankie… No. No no no no. It wasn’t… it could never be you. Hell, you’re the fucking best I think in the whole damn world, honestly. It’s not you. I promise.” You can see the visible shift, the sigh of relief he offers you as he settles against the pillows, tension evaporating out of his chest and shoulders.

“Okay. Then what is it?” Your teeth worry at your lower lip, unsure how to broach it. You’ve never been forward with him about any of this - about your sexuality, about the things you’d probably, ideally, want to be able to explore with him. You’re pretty sure he won't react poorly, but the truth is that you just don’t know.

You’re terrified to lose him.

Taking a deep breath, you shift away from him further so you can get a proper look at him, meet him eye to eye, and get a sense of the expression on his face, you gulp down the worry that’s lodged in the back of your throat.

“I, um… It was taking a long time, so I thought maybe if I closed my eyes and focused on the feeling it would help move things along, you know? But then I couldn’t stop thinking, and it was all you at first, but then suddenly it wasn’t and I, uh… I panicked. It was like instantly I couldn’t handle it anymore.” His face is still concerned as he reaches out to brush his hand along your bare arm, bringing your knuckles up to his lips and pressing a kiss there.

“What do you mean by ‘it wasn’t’?” His voice is soft, gentle. Like a feather brushing across your cheek or… something like that, at least. You do your best to answer.

“I, um… started picturing a… girl?” His eyes widen at you slightly and he tilts his head in your direction.

“Okay?” He responds. You blink back at him for a long while, trying to read his expression the best you can. You’re not getting much out of it, though, and you scrunch your brows in confusion.

“Okay?” He stares at you for a moment before his lips turn up in a slight smirk, shaking his head incredulously when he realizes you’re shocked by his response.

“Are you expecting me to be upset that you were thinking about someone else, or were you expecting that I’d be upset that it was a girl?”

“I, well…” You cut yourself off before you can blabber yourself too deeply into a hole. It sounds much stupider when he says it out loud, as it happens. You mentally smack yourself for a moment before you let out a deep breath and an uncomfortable laugh. “That sounds really dumb when you say it out loud.” 

He chuckles and brushes his fingers across your temple, then down to cup your cheek in his hand.

“Amor… You’re not going to scare me away just because you’re what… bi? Pan? Some other word that probably exists but I don’t totally understand? It doesn’t matter to me. I love you. As you are. Always.” You can feel yourself getting a little choked up at his admission, the honesty of it all really getting to you. You can feel the intensity of his love for you beaming from his face, right into your chest where your heart beats so fast and so loudly that you can practically hear it in your ears.

How in the world did you end up with the most perfect human on the planet? You can’t possibly even imagine another one better than this, more pure, more kind… it’s not possible. The very earth itself would shatter if such a person existed, you think.

Your own self-doubt creeps in and begs for validation once more, even though you know deep down that yes, of course he’s telling the truth. Of course. 

“Really? You mean that?” He just smiles back at you and shifts closer so he can lean forward and press his lips ever so gently against your forehead, one hand cupping the back of your neck as he does.

“Of course I do, baby. Come on. And for what it's worth, I’m not upset that you started thinking about someone else, either. Maybe it’s something we should talk about. Bringing in a third? If that’s something you think you need, that is.”

“What? You’d just… be okay with something like that?” He only smiles back at you, genuine and earnest.

“For you? Anything.” You shake your head in disbelief, sighing out a massive breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding.

“I don’t deserve you, Frankie.” He huffs and shifts forward, caging you in with his arms on either side of your body. He looks down at you, head cocked to the side, before he leans down, lips attaching gently to your collarbone. He presses little kisses all the way up it, across to your shoulder, along the upper ridge of your collar and to the base of your neck. Then, his kisses turn to little licks and nibbles as he works his way up your neck and to your jaw, biting lightly right at the tip of your chin.

“You’re right. You deserve more than I can give you. I suppose I’ll just have to spend my life making up for that, won’t I?” His teasing tone is apparent as his lips continue their trek, up your cheek, across your cheekbone, your nose, and finally to your own lips. Your arms wrap around his upper body and pull him down onto you with force, needing to feel him pressed along your body.

“It really doesn’t bother you? Not at all?”  He shakes his head ‘no’ and then nuzzles his face into your chest, between your breasts, hands pushing them together toward his cheeks as he hums into your skin. He resurfaces just long enough to answer.

“Not even an ounce. I fucking love you, just like this.” You smile and close your eyes, reveling in his affections.

“Thank you, Frankie. I don’t even… I’m not sure what to say.” He keeps kissing you, all across your chest and breasts, hands massaging the tender flesh softly.

“Wanna let me try again?” You look down at him with a smile and a laugh, fingers reaching up to tug at his curls, pressing your fingertips into his scalp. You pull him up to you again, pressing your lips together for a long, hard moment.

“Absolutely, I do.”

[semiweirdshipper]

Hey! I just saw your post where you were looking for DbD questions to get you inspired, so I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm gonna focus on Pinhead because you know he's my fave. Here's a few:

I was excited to see you make the decision to move forward with Pinhead being the main love interest in Miracle. Can you elaborate more on your thoughts on why you made that choice and your feelings in general on it?

What are your thoughts on Pinhead in DbD in general? Unfortunately I think he gets little love in the fandom, maybe due to people not enjoying him in terms of gameplay and thus not seeking out further material (I don't play the game itself but that is what I've heard), but as someone specifically coming from the Hellraiser fandom I've always felt that people would enjoy him more if they took the time to explore his character outside of the game. He's honestly perhaps the biggest romantic of all the monsters in terms his canon lore, I felt like people would be surprised how well he naturally fits in fanfic romances. That combined with the fact that he's just, inherently, well...he's the high priest of a god of desire. Desire is his thing!

Do you have any other ideas for Pinhead/Reader fic on the back burner?

What about fic you might not want to write, but would enjoy reading from other authors?

(Please feel free to answer those last questions in regards to other Killers too if you like!)

Hi manderley! I'm so happy you stopped by. I've always wanted to talk about Pinny :D

So in Miracle M, I didn't really have a set love interest in mind for the reader. I was just gonna let viewers vote. But as I kept writing Pinhead, I think I just made myself fall in love with his character more and more. Especially in Miracle. He's the only character I've written who sacrifices everything, including love, to save the reader's soul and innocence. Umm... Super attractive??? It wasn't just his personality in Miracle but in all my stories with him. He's my second favorite killer and I can't help but to express it.

I did not know anything about Pinhead until he came to Dbd, and I immediately smelled potential and watched the Hellraiser movie. I don't mind playing against him. I'm just happy he's in the game. It opened up a whole world of opportunities for me, and I took full advantage.

I agree with you about Pinny being underrated. I think it's more of an appearance thing than anything else. His outfits expose open, torn flesh and his pins keep him in upright positions. Plus its difficult to imagine kissing him or being kissed by him (RIP to the folks who love oral fixations). I'm asexual so appearances don't affect me. I just love his characterizations!

He's part of my demon duo. So him and Pyramid Head are my desire reading, reward boys. Like you said, Pinhead is a huge romantic. HUGE. And his love interests is exactly what my readers are- innocent, strong and traumatized. He's the perfect emotional supporter. I jumped in joy when I saw the movie. He's just *mwah" SO PERFECT.

It's sooooooooo fun to write him rivaling Herman. You've seen that, lol! If I can ever finish it, I think you'll love his interactions with the reader in Saddest Journey.

As for future fic ideas, I don't have much planned because my plate is already super full. But, I did come up with a superpower for Pinhead, but it's kind of... Shocking. I'm embarrassed to explain it though, but it will be written out in Knights or Saddest Journey eventually.

I never really think about reading other fics in the slasher fandom because I'm so used to not being able to find what I want which is the opposite of what the entire slasher community stands for. If I want something, I'm used to only relying on myself to provide it, (kinda lonely). That's why I started writing Pinhead so much. I wanted more of him and provided more of him!

Thank you for your question! If you have any others, please feel free to ask!

[natalyarose]

🥀 It's so nice seeing the Vedic Astrology space start to talk about Ayanamsa- when I was first in the space, virtually nobody in the online Nakshatra based Astrology-sphere was talking about or questioning Ayanamsa, or really anything beyond what they were taught.

When I started talking about it, people acted like I was a little cray or just forcing something to fit- granted; I think back then I wasn't the best communicator. I was always good intentioned, but kinda flimsy in my arguments. I would get very stroppy when people challenged me because I would just crumble and think 'they're so right, I'm a stupid spineless lil amoeba, idk nuthin, I'm ashamed that even tried to pretend I know anything :(' lol. Ahh; I was so young, I forget that sometimes. I lacked self-belief, so why would others believe me?

In fact, I said a lotta stuff back then that people treated me like I was crazy for lol, but it's very healing to be seeing people starting to talk about the very same stuff I was on about a few years down the track.

I remember I always wanted to join in on the Twitter Nakshatra exploration, but mannn there was a lot of toxicity in that space. Some brilliant observations and minds at work, but a lot of unfair bias and judgement brought into a sacred practice I found /: (so and so Nakshatra are evil, etc.)

I don't mind what anybody else believes, but I have so much respect for people who are open minded regardless of their own beliefs/ideals 💜 I'm really enjoying Tumblr because from what I've seen, it is a much more balanced place.

I've always had a theory that on Twitter, the word limit on Tweets made people feel inclined to say more cut-throat, black and white things because there's not enough space to eloquently explain your thoughts. Saying (just as an extreme example lol) 'Sun men are evil womanizers', takes less characters than, 'Sun men can be inclined towards not placing much value on attachment, and therefore can exhibit womanising tendencies & in an unbalanced state, very self absorbed, callous behaviours'... wayy too wordy for Twitter. However, I think when talking about astrology it's important to put the TLC in and fully fledge out explanations. This knowledge is so sacred and we are blessed to have access to it, the more sophistication we speak of things with, the more we can do it justice 🌌🍃

I feel astrology is best utilised as tool for bringing people closer to divinity & unity rather than dividing and judging others. Granted, we do live on the physical plane so it is also important to understand division, but why not try to bridge that gap?

It's important that when we find ourselves having the blessing/burden of knowledge in our hands, we use it wisely 🤍🌜

- someone who doesn't know which way is up 😎

[yabancreations]

For wip game: Within Reach!

( I adore this one so much. Hua Cheng's worshippers have always been so interesting to me, and I love the idea of them having very different stories about who he is (ghost; a fox; man; woman; some other animal). And an eye symbol for 'helping' him find his beloved is so touching! Xie Lian picking up on little hints and slowly learning more of his new (not as new as you think my prince) dearest friend and being so tender with his San Lang 🙏 Also it also having Hua Cheng sickfic-hurt/comfort bits! Whump is my jam, and it's not so often I see a good one for Hua Cheng.)

Within Reach! I'm so happy you like it. It was one of my very first ideas for a TGCF fanfic. Alongside The Newcomer and Heavenly Damnation —which was the one I ended up submitting— it was one of the pitches I prepared for the TGCF minibang 2022. At the time, I was translating manhua for Bilibili Comics, from which I learned a lot about Chinese mythology and wuxia/xianxia tropes. This led me to understand just how big MXTX had made the sandbox for TGCF canonverse fancreations, particularly with how loose she made the magic system, and how she built Hua Cheng's backstory up through rumours and half-truths. I thought I could explore this by writing about Hua Cheng's side of the 800 years of separation, but I didn't want Xie Lian to miss out! I then needed a lapse that MXTX had left open to interpretation, and during which Hua Cheng's ability to conceal his story or interfere was limited.

Now, if I wasn't a rabid fan of The Legend of Zelda, I don't think I would've chosen the time when Hua Cheng was sealed in a child form to tell this story, even if it's possibly the best moment for doing so. I don't like children in fiction. I've got nothing about real life children, on the contrary, but the use and connotation of childhood in fictional narratives is more times than not shameless propaganda for reproductive futurism, and I hate it. However, the biggest sidequest of The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask features Kafei, a man who has been de-aged by a curse, and his fiancée Anju, who he's to marry on the same day the moon is going to fall and end the world. Kafei hides from Anju and the rest of the town in shame by wearing a fox mask (known in the game as Keaton mask, being Keaton a golden fox spirit). One good day, I looked at Kafei, thought of Hua Cheng, and had an epiphany, hahaha. If I'm very idle in the future, I'll write a TGCF x Majora's Mask crossover with Xie Lian as Anju, Hua Cheng as Kafei and Link as, well, Link. It'd be the ultimate "target audience = me", reason why I'm not in a rush to write it (I can simply daydream) but this explains the design of Hua Cheng's mask in the cover art I made for the fic. It's just Keaton's mask with Hua Cheng's trademarks, lol. Also, the eye windows/carvings might be Zelda's influence, too. There's a lot of eyes in the series, as they're the weak point of most bosses, and the emblem of the sheikah, a tribe of ninja warriors at the service of the Hyrulean crown.

In general, coming up with ways for Hua Cheng's worshippers to show their devotion and support has been a lot of fun. Hua Cheng will never appreciate the love they have for him or how they want to help him (he only cares about Xie Lian), but Xie Lian will see it and be very proud of him, I think. He's also delighted to be able to take care of his dearest friend during this trying times, and he'll baby him to oblivion, as he should —you're so real for the Hua Cheng whump appreciation, I salute you.

They'll be a bit further from human settlements in the next chapter, so we'll mostly encounter creatures, rogue travellers, and cultivators with their own bewildering theories about Crimson Rain Seeking A Flower. I hope you enjoy it when I finally post it, and thank you for the ask!

—————

Back to WIP game main post.

[my-mt-heart]

Thoughts on the 206 Spoilers

I probably don't need to mention again that what's written on the page can translate differently on screen for a number of reasons — acting choices, editing choices, reshoots we aren't aware of. We know that. Some of us felt that with the opening minutes (if you want to read my page-to-screen analysis on that, you can do so here). But I also know changes don't always happen unless I'm willing to tell the people in charge why I want them in the first place. I believe the 201 revisions happened because we talked about it. I'll admit I don't know how fixable the 206 scenes are, and frankly the underlying issue aside from the writing is the writer, but I still want to talk about it because if Caryl's story is going to continue for however many more years, their fanbase has to feel like the storytelling is worth both the emotional and the financial investment. These sides don't help with that. Spoilers under the cut...

I want to start by clearing up some confusion I saw in the original post about Carol's scenes being crossed out. It doesn't mean her scenes were deleted; it just means they weren't shot on the same day as the other scenes on the pages. We don't have all the tunnel beats, but what we do have appears to be in chronological order for the most part, so that gives us a close enough look at how the tunnel scenes are being framed. The framing is what's troubling because Daryl and Carol are in their own separate corners, breathing in poison gas, losing their will to live, but never turn to each other (or thoughts of each other) to keep fighting for each other like their entire story since the start of the flagship show, the tagline "to find home is to find each other," and the SDCC synopsis would have us believe.

Carol is looking for closure with Sophia which I understand, although it's extremely underwhelming and it still doesn't explain what's tethering her to this world. For Daryl, it's the figment of Isabelle that represents his hope. Their bond, not Daryl's and Carol's, gets to carry the emotional weight of those scenes. I can't even begin to make sense of Isabelle being Daryl's savior and motivation to keep going while his brief interaction with Carol at the end may as well be between him and his mailman. Side note: I guess the poison gas isn't so poisonous anymore? Why are they having a conversation without masks lol

Okay, they leave together, but as what? Strangers? Is this where I'm supposed to get hyped for S3? Because Caryl will be in the same proximity while Zabel keeps them emotionally detached from one another? That's not the Caryl show I want to tune in for. I want their show to make their relationship the emotional core and I want to see their romantic feelings for each other become explicitly canon. They have so much shared trauma and so much shared history that hasn't been thoroughly explored. When do we get to see that?

I understand how ridiculous all of these concerns sound when we factor in Melissa's input and the excitement she showed at SDCC. I'm not discounting that at all (@9lives2mics posted a really great overview of the PR strategy for SDCC, which I highly recommend listening to btw). What I'm trying to get at is, as far as the material goes, Zabel's vision for his original characters and his original premise seem to be dragging down the story that Melissa and even Norman are trying to tell for their characters. There were even several instances in their interviews where McReedus didn't seem to be on the same page as Zabel and Greg Nicotero. It's disheartening because if the latter two can get away with shooting what we see in these sides and making a trailer centered on Daryl's French family, what's going to make the final cuts? Do I want to find out?

Final thought: If you're going to make allusions to gas chambers, then the scenes need to amount to a hell of a lot more than shipbaiting and being artsy. Otherwise, it's just tone deaf.

[trans-intersex-confessions]

i feel weird

ever sincr i was like in 3rd grade i thought of myself as trans. i didnt really fully know what it meant but i knew i was trans. i knew fundamentally something was different with me. only community i found though while growing up was in the truscum community though unfortunately so i was reallg heavily pushed down the "if im not the manliest man ever i am nothing and i have no community" rabbit hole. i always felt miserable and it was horrible but i identified heavily as a man. even though i wanted to explore my gender more, i didnt feel i could

flash forward to now im a demi-bigender, genderfluid, trans woman who prinarily sticks with the girlflux or demigirl labels.. but i just call myself transfem or trans woman, transfemmasc is also a label i identify myself with but really its just easier to say less words. (i dont really see myself as a binary woman, i just use all gendered terms).

(also along the way i found out i was intersex and it not only affected how i was treated in life but how i viewed myself)

but i feel so fake. like all that time i spent as a trans man and i cant even talk about my experiences as that. to have gotten it so wrong makes me feel like my current identity is so fake and i'm scared to really share much about it.:(

like dont get me wrong! im happier now than ive ever been and i've finally come to starting to fully accept myself as a trand person and the journey, while hard, has been beautiful!

but i feel like in perisex dominated spaces i can never share this experience. hell, probably in intersex spaces i cant because everyone else's reasons for gender fuckery sound so much more understandable.. my variation didn't drastically change my SIG and im CTF (with a high chance i had IGM but i'll never know for sure..) but still..

i feel like my experience is too out of left feild for perisex trans people. they have troubles deconstructing the gender binary, i don't think a lot of perisex people are ready to deconstruct the sex binary enough to let go of the MTF/FTM binary to understand my experience. a trans person that was (and still kinda is but my gender fluctuates in and out of it) a trans man then later becoming a trans woman just makes me sound like a destransitioner or some shit. (even though i'm probably gonna need to go on E eventually lol)

i feel like if im open with my complex experience people will just hate me for it because it strays too much from the "normal" trans experience.

but yea:/

worst part is, perisex trans people have a better chance accepting my gender fuckery if i explained my nonbinary fuckery (and strayed more away from 'binary words' bleh) than if i explain that because i'm intersex I view my gender and how I view my transness differently

ugh i hope this made sense.. anyone else relate? even a little bit? i just feel lost. community is one of the most important things out there to me but i feel isolated from the trans community. if you also feel like this anyone out there know that people out there love you, though. and i'm one of them! transness isn't defined by all these constraints.. i know it in my heart.. peace and love, may we one day find unity and solidarity with one another!

.

[caspersickfanfics]

*busts door open* IM BACK

I’m not gonna be too weird about this but- ironically- today was a day of much crying, and from that I was re-reminded of few things that got me thinking about the other nights rants so I have just a few more considerations~

again- not necessarily a fit for the current fic situation BUT. Types of crying. I feel like Cyno really doesn’t cry much at all. And maybe this was a given lol but I wanna talk about it anyways 😭

He’s just that kind of person and I feel like that tracks with canon. Even if he isn’t bottling up emotions, like if he’s sad and he’s letting himself feel sad, even then he may not cry that much. but if he is crying- or sobbing due to fever-addled hysteria- it’s him doing everything he can to keep it quite. Like muffled sobs, or just tears spilling uncontrollably, and so much, sniffing. That kind of crying you get when you just can’t stop crying even if you really want too. Maybe because it’s so stifled it lands in his body, so he’s stiff, or hunched or shaking a little. And! I feel like it’s so much easier to slip into hyper ventilation when you’re not breathing cuz you’re trying to hold back tears.

I think under Tighnaris care and comfort he’d be a bit more vocal? Maybe? Or!! Or when it gets really bad and he can no longer help it that’s when his sobs sound like, well, sobs. And that’s new territory for nari and cyno both. I think Tighnari would need some serious comfort after all this himself because it’s scary seeing your partner in so much distress even if you know they are okay and kinda just out of it.

I think cyno would try really really hard to communicate well, but he’s struggling cuz he’s sick enough and emotional enough that he’s not quite making the most sense? He’s stumbling over his words and he’s not quite sure how to explain what hurts and in what way- But he knows that he’s worrying nari and so he’ll try his damndest to make sense, and at the very least be honest. Maybe not at first but once they settle into his recovery I think he’d try 🥺

I also was thinking about more comical things Cyno would get upset over? Idk if it’s the vibe at all lol, but if his fever is high enough or if say the meds he’s on add to the loopy ness, I can picture him being very very distraught over just how *pretty* nari is. Maybe not full on crying but I can see him just starting and pouting cuz his partner is just…too perfect??? And if anything happened to him what would he do??? His EARS!! They are so soft- and he falls apart

idk these aren’t as fun as the ones from the other day but oh well lol 😑

WELCOME BACK AHH!!! I'm sorry you had a crying day and I'm sorry to post this so late when you sent it ages ago!!!!!!!! I hope you're feeling better now and if not, I'm sending you all the hugs!!!

This ask has me in a chokehold because I do think about characters crying a lot and I agree with you I don't think Cyno cries much at all. Even though I want to make him cry all the time LOL. Honestly though him and Tighnari both, especially in the canon world, I really have trouble picturing them crying.

100% agree that Cyno would be pretty quiet. My instinct was that he cries without realizing it and that's why he's quiet but I am now obsessed with your (paraphrased) "he is quiet on purpose which can lead to hyperventilating" like. Yes. And that progression to sobbing is really intriguing, definitely seems like something I'd like to explore if I can work it in somewhere!!!

I also headcanon Cyno as being very honest with Tighnari! I could see him downplaying stuff unintentionally - like, he's always a little banged up, so he brushes off discomfort without a second thought sometimes. And he might initially resist Tighnari urging him to look a bit more closely at that, but he'll cave eventually.

I also could definitely see Tighnari having a hard time with Cyno really crying, depending on the situation............ and at the same time I could see him actually being reassured by it. Like, finally, Cyno's letting himself being completely open. Finally he's letting himself be honest and feel things fully. But also Tighnari is going to frequently check his temperature to make sure it's not gotten to a dangerous place to be causing this. And freaking!! Absolutely to Cyno crying over how pretty Nari is and how much he loves his ears/tail/claws/etc. Maybe apologizing for "springing Collei on him" all those years ago and Tighnari is laughing because, like, he adores Collei and is so glad Cyno brought her to him.

I've also been thinking about Tighnari and crying. I picture him as a nonchalant but infrequent crier. Maybe some anxious/frustrated crying in extreme situations, but generally if things aren't going well, he compartmentalizes to figure out a solution. If something is upsetting to him and it's really shocking, maybe he'll shed a few tears without realizing, but then he'll wipe them away and do what needs to be done. If he's in a lot of pain, he'll cry but be really reassuring ("It just hurts a little, don't worry. Could you possibly help wrap this? My hands are a bit unsteady" tears running down his face) to anyone who's around the whole time, while treating his injury if he can. And... I think if he finds out someone he really cares about had something bad happen to them, he'd respond with rage. Even, like, Collei with her Eleazar - if anything worse had happened to her, I don't think his initial response would've been to cry. It would've been "I'm going to fucking murder who or what ever caused this disease." And then when things calm down he'd go to his hut, hide under the covers, curl up into a ball and sob.

Hm. I dunno if you've picked up on this by how much I wrote but. Personally..... I think this was just as fun as your previous asks sdjkfsdjksfj thank you so much for sending ittttt ily <333

[bainhardt]

finished up Urban Myth today. it was all right. I think the story lost me a little bit towards the end, but it was an enjoyable enough experience. far from an instant classic in the genre. I still think it's worth a look for massive fans who have maybe exhausted all the major titles (like me)

technically I'm not supposed to post spoiler images or videos until April but the guidelines don't say anything about text so I'm gonna write my thoughts about the game now that I'm done...

___

firstly, the game had a slightly unpolished feel. it wasn't DRASTIC... but it was there like when you can feel an eyelash stuck somewhere between your mouth and tongue. slightly weird puzzle prompts, slightly misworded dialogue, slightly unclear explanations. nothing to derail the whole game, but enough to occasionally raise eyebrows, which in a game that is entirely text can't escape notice. and it extended to minor gameplay/UI elements, too. there's no way to manually save the game, for one, and it doesn't save when you quit, either. little oddities like that.

the gameplay is lacking. it's basically a visual novel with a couple extra steps thrown in to complicate things. there are puzzles where you have to fill in blanks, and interrogation/investigation sections where discovering sequential clues opens up new conversations. neither of these systems introduce challenge in any meaningful way, and there are no consequences or ways to fail. you click on everything available to you, and then go back around and click on any new prompts. not offensively bad by any stretch, but far from exciting either. I don't even think visual novels must have gameplay - it's kind of the basis for the genre that they are assumed not to, of course - but when they try, I want to ask whether it has elevated the experience over simply telling the story straight. here, it does allow for some more circuitous routes through the information, but not always accompanied by any real suspense or delayed gratification.

story wise, I liked it well enough overall. the game establishes a pattern from the start that all of the cases have mundane explanations despite the occult urban legend dressing. at the same time it must be taken at face value that the protagonist has the supernatural ability to see phantom memories, basically, because we are the protagonist and have no reason to suspect she may be lying or unreliable - she believes that she has this ability, and we see that she does. I suppose the truth behind each case being something totally explainable is supposed to cast doubt on the protagonist's ability, but this was muddied for me by the somewhat abrupt and inconclusive finales to each chapter, as well as the presence of a seemingly real curse? in the latter half of case 4 that never truly gets dismissed the way everything else was (I mean after the revelation about the tea - once the box has been opened and there's teeth and writing. why did everyone act like that mattered in the least if the curse was explained by tea?). I thought this meant the game was going to occupy a unique middle-ground, where there is some truth to the supernatural, just never in a way that the widespread public understands or can grasp. an exploration of the way urban legends obfuscate the truth and become like a game of telephone blurring the line between the explainable and unexplainable.

that's not at all the conclusion. and for the record, I don't dislike the twist in the game's story... I just thought it was going to be a different twist, and I'm not entirely convinced I like the one the game ended up with more than the one I anticipated lol

the game was all about dissolving rumors and myth and finding facts; it was also all about revenge over an unearthed cold case cover up, and bringing the truth to light and the culprits to justice. I thought it'd be interesting if the twist was that Meguriya was dead all along and Azami's powers enabled her to commune with the past version of him to bring his plan to fruition even though it had all been laid out before he died, tying together these concepts of something past resurfacing and blurring the line between the factual basis of the game and its occult theming.

like, I'll admit outright it doesn't really make sense with the way everything had been established... for one there'd be nobody to kidnap the 5 culprits and bring them to the church, among countless other issues. but it's not a far leap from something the game could've actually set up. instead we get a two-hit combo of some of the most classic crutches for plots in this genre, a mastermind hacker character and a character with no memories (made worse here IMO for the character not even being aware they'd lost any memories or it being alluded to in the entire story).

or I mean... maybe it's not supposed to be amnesia, but a deception?? both of these crutch-characters are the protagonist; the protagonist is the mastermind and Meguriya does not actually exist. therefore they're deceiving even the player's POV by either fully committing to their double life at all times or by genuinely not remembering they have an alter-ego. whichever it is, this made for a story where the protagonist was at times putting on this act for no audience besides the player, which is always strange. by the end we have a story committed to having proper mundane, if fairly wild, explanations for everything, which I don't deny is definitely what was set up the whole time. it's internally consistent.

but still, idk, I just feel like a twist that has to work very hard in a very short period of time to take the protagonist away from the player's concept of them is less satisfying than one that finds a way to fit into the understanding the player had been operating under the entire time. I think the one in-story could have worked better too if it felt hinted at in various ways throughout the game (again, aside from the gradual dismissal of all supernatural contents), but to be honest this is one of those things where I already doubt my memory lol. maybe they did hint at it and I just didn't notice... but it certainly didn't feel like it.

[sirellas]

Left Hand of Destiny (1&2) stream of consciousness review

Overall thoughts: I really liked this book! Or technically 2 books but the second is just the continuation of the first so in my head it was just one long book (~500 pages all in all). This is only the second trek book I've read and also the second written by the actor who played the character in ds9 (shoutout to ASIT, though this one has a non-actor co-writer as well), but even beyond the star trekking of TLHOD, this was a really good read in terms of writing style, pace, emotion. It was very action and character focused which I enjoyed, and especially the characterization of Martok was so great and obviously JG Hertzler had a lot of thoughts about the character he played that translated really well on page.

The memory alpha article on TLHOD says this but I didn't really start to see it until the last half of book 2, but this is very much a King Arthur story (btw don't look at that memory alpha page unless you don't care about major spoilers lol). Down to a lady in the lake handing out mythical swords. That instance was a little heavy handed in my opinion, but I did like all of the prophetic dreams and talk of glorious purpose.

That's something to note though: if you don't like dream sequences, this is not the book for you. There are A LOT of dreams. In fact the opening scene is a dream, but it's now my new favorite opening line in a book because it jumps right in by telling you who this guy is and what his deal is:

I personally am a big fan of overt symbolism like this (even a well done cliché or two), myths and repeating cycles of heroism etc etc. And I think this book melded Arthurian drama with Klingon drama well. The Klingon-ness of this book was great. What better way to get to the heart of Klingon culture in a story but by focusing on the guy chosen to lead his people and getting it ripped out from beneath his feet and having to decide that he actually wants to be chancellor. In a lot of ways this is a story of outcasts finding their way back to where they belong, which isn't always what they expect or want in the beginning. Which leads me to...

The supporting characters really made this book. Without Pharh the Ferengi who got bullied for being as ugly as a Klingon as a child and now runs a landfill on Qo'noS, there would be no book. He's my favorite (little buddy coded to the extreme) but most of the major side characters are really well explored in terms of motivation and actions. Worf, Sirella, Ezri, Darok, Kahless, Alexander, to name a few. Alexander and Kahless were two of my other surprise standouts. And because no one who hasn't read this book knows about my new favorite guy Pharh, I will now include a couple passages I highlighted to spread the word about how great he is:

Wide array of well developed side characters aside, this book is awful for women. Yes the main antagonist is Martok's insane ex, but her character is kind of too outlandish to really have much depth. Ezri shows up at the end of book 1 and plays a big part in book 2 but honestly I'm not sure why she was even there (apart from loyalty etc, but I mean story-wise she didn't add all that much to keep the action moving ((anyone else could have been subbed in for her 9 out of 10 times and it would've made more sense tbh)) except to be another explainer of Klingon things to the reader). Sirella has a few great scenes, but not nearly enough and she wasn't allowed to do much either in terms of agency and impact on plot. Martok's two daughters are barely afterthoughts.

The main plot is that a usurper attacks Qo'noS (and specifically goes after Martok), swaying the Klingon people to their side through a combo of bioengineered charisma and the people's growing resentment toward progressive ideas that Martok (and Worf) represents. That's really only the problem in book 1, while book 2 deals more with Martok accepting the hand fate has dealt and deciding to win so they can save the decaying Klingon heart and so on. But even with the kind of cheesy setup, it rarely felt overwrought or unearned with the emotional beats. The antagonist lady is, yeah, she's a bit over the top. And before 2016 I would've said the quick flip to xenophobia and Make Klingons Great Again (I'm pretty sure they use that phrase almost exactly) in the general public was unrealistic but hey, cycles of destiny and evil constantly shifting and repeating, am I right??

There were... quite a few deaths. I guess I should've expected that, being a Klingon setting and all, but some of them hit me hard. And a few I don't think really needed to happen and kind of weakened the narrative.... maybe I'll put a spoiler section below a cut at the bottom of this to discuss those 🤪

This paragraph will haunt me for a while I think... 😀 sorry for inflicting it on others now but hey that's show business

Even with some hiccups (see spoiler section below), I loved the book pretty much. Shocker: tumblr user girlmartok loves the Martok book, but it was better than I had hoped even. The Martok focus was so good and the side characters just made it even better. Much more of a heroic fantasy than most star trek settings, which fit really well and also was refreshing. It's long! But I would recommend it if you have any interest in Klingons and/or fun little guys who go on adventures and think a lot about death.

SPOILERS ⬇️

Okay ripping the bandaid off. The way Sirella died was not chill. I mean even having her die was not something I would have included, because the story really didn't dive all that deep into her and Martok's relationship. But ramming an enemy ship so Martok could flee near the beginning of book 2... and she doesn't even kill any major bad guys doing it?? It just served no point narratively (the bad guys still outnumbered them, still caught up to them not long after) and it didn't even really affect Martok all that much beyond like one paragraph where he wants to turn around and go on a murder spree in her name... He doesn't even get to go on a murder spree in her name!!!

Bandaid rip #2: PHARH MY LITTLE BABY BOY DIES???? I was glad I had forewarning about this one because I would've been mad otherwise. I am not exaggerating saying he was my second favorite character in this book after Martok. The humor he added, yes, but also just his role as an outsider who's seen as weak by both Ferengi and Klingon, and he befriends the chancellor of the Klingon Empire, HOLDS ONTO THE CHANCELLOR'S RING FOR MOST OF THE BOOK AND BECOMES HIS SQUIRE BASICALLY 🫠💔 I don't know how anyone wouldn't fall in love with him. At least his death was done well, even though I don't think it should have happened. He at least got a murderous rampage in his name 😤 and Martok basically adopted him so he could get into Sto'vo'kor 🥺

Those were my main two criticisms of the book, and really ties into why this wasn't as great a story as ASIT, for example. A lot of things happen to Martok, but some things don't get the resolution they would need to influence him on this character journey he's going on. One of Martok's defining characteristics in ds9 is that he's a wife guy and his wife doesn't take bullshit. But then his wife dies suddenly and he's upset but he's not Upset upset, if you know what I mean. It didn't feel earned and it didn't feel necessary. Literally the first and only time it did feel like a reasonable plot device was at the very end when Worf tells him that people love a tragic victor even more than a victory. The problem is just that Martok doesn't ever explore what that tragedy really means to him.

Justice for Shen and Lazhna, Martok's daughters, who in addition to dying off screen are only brought up to highlight how shitty of a dad Martok has been. He just thinks of them (and his son Drex too but he gets more characterization solely by virtue of appearing in the narrative) in terms of himself and his love for them is more on the side of pity rather than real emotional attachment. Sirella should've been way meaner to him about that tbh.

Non character death related but a big focus of the first book was Martok losing public opinion pretty much immediately. Old friends turn against him and that really shakes him. But then in the second book... that's not really brought up again? The whole second book takes place away from Qo'noS, and yeah they mention that people will probably become less affected by the dumb bioengineered charisma after time, but I cannot stress enough how much the entire planet hated him. So he won the big battle against his foes etc etc, came back to Qo'noS and... just told everyone all that?? That goes along with the lack of fully exploring the consequences of some of these bad things that happen to Martok. It felt like a little too much piled on him and not enough resolution.

[aeoni-sw]

oc art, nothing related to Underworld Office

Click image for *slightly* better quality

His name's Watcher

all the fandoms that were important to building my childhood self are slowly arising

AEONI McYapperton Storywriter (yap session/lore drop) ↓

"You wake up in an office chair. Giant monitors are lined against the walls, displaying what seems to be levels. It feels someone's watching you. You spin around, seeing a figure in the distance bathed in the blue light."

-My old notes

This is an oc that I made from the Backrooms fandom

my childhood was wack, alright? I was back to back with Underworld Office and the Backrooms and Animal Jam and all that

But anyways, basic things about him is that he's a worker for this said Backrooms industry/institution/idk called M.E.G. I think? I forgot, anyways

He's also gone through a few name changes, including "Monsutā," "Morrigan," "Infection Watcher," yada yada. I just settled on Watcher, because, uhm. Eyes. Yeah.

He's an older brother to this other oc called Jikken (yes that's experiment in Japanese, younger me thought Japanese was a cool language and named my ocs after what they are)

Watcher's past relations included Jikken (obviously) as his younger brother (don't ask where their parents are, idk either), Jikan (surprisingly not related to Jikken) was Watcher's friend before he no-clipped to the Backrooms, and some random co-workers that also researches the backrooms with him (including Chandler Sveign, I'll talk about them later..)

"Where is Jikken?" A SHORT-STORY EXPLANATION AS TO WHERE WATCHER'S BROTHER IS:

Watcher works in an office if he doesn't have any Backrooms patrols he had to do that month, researching the Backrooms and collecting all he could find about the enigmatic place.

He comes back from work, though the door is ajar. Immediately barging in, he sees the house absolutely trashed, showing obvious signs of struggle and resistance.

Jikken was gone. Missing posters lined the streets. Panic bubbled in his throat. He's looked everywhere. He failed to protect him.

SO BASICALLY... how do I sum up his story... I'mma mix in what I remember and ideas that make sense to his backstory

So like... A month or so after Jikken's gone missing, Watcher goes over to his friend's workplace, which at the time was a clinic.

The clinic was closed, Jikan preparing his things. The door creaks open, Watcher appearing. He gently closes the door, slumping down to the floor with a long sigh.

"I might go back," he mutters.

Jikan was fully alert now, putting aside his bag. He stares down at Watcher, shaking his head and quickly responding, "No, didn't you say it yourself? It's dangerous there."

"I know," Watcher hisses back, tossing a glare to Jikan. "but with Jikken gone and patrols soon coming up, I might as well stay."

"Stay?! You—" Jikan notices Watcher's gaze waver. He groans, pinching the bridge of his nose. "—You dim-witted idiot..." He puts a firm hand on Watcher's shoulder. "Listen here, [Watcher's past name before he became Watcher], I better see you come back. Promise?"

Watcher stares down at his own hands. "...I can't make any more promises," he whispers, memories dancing around the echoing chambers of his mind.

"You've gotta solemnly swear!" he laughs, holding out his pinky. "Promise that you and I will always be with each other, even without Mom and Dad?"

"Promise."

After a long moment of silence, Jikan takes his hand off Watcher's shoulder, standing up. "No promises then. I wish you the best of luck, friend."

Watcher looks up at Jikan, smiling. "Thanks. I'll... see you until then."

damn I'm in a good writing mood, anyways

Watcher was obviously a normal person before all this weird backrooms stuff, so he had a normal name

But, over time, he kinda.. forgot, lol

I'll explain (heh... This is where Chandler comes in)

Watcher is set into a patrol of... Let's say, 4 people, including him? It's a simple task: explore the backrooms. Well, the backrooms isn't simple, so haha, I lied to you. There'd this Level called Level ! (THIS WAS BEFORE THE FLICKER INCIDENT HAPPENED IN THE BACKROOMS) where one of the people didn't make it and got mauled to death by the many entities in the hallway :)

The second person to die was by a Hound, maybe got eaten or transformed, who knows, I forgot.

THEN, well... While trying to outrun entities in Level 1, only Chandler and Watcher remained. I forgot how it goes, but it's either...

A) Watcher self sacrifices himself and uses himself as a lure to allow Chandler to run and go to The Hub to report back all the info they've collected

B) Chandler leaves Watcher for dead in the horde

C) In the chaos of it all, they split up from each other

what I do remember is that Watcher rushes into a room, a square room, with a gaping hole that's been ripped in the floor. It's just. There. There's faint blue light from below, and a few broken off pipes to climb down or some thick wires.

Younger me made him jump down there and expected him to survive, but for the sake of realism I added some pipes and thick wires to this said hole in the floor.

Anyways, he climbs down carefully, rolling onto the floor. It wasn't that bad of a drop at least.

It's a hallway, though the ceiling reaches to... About as tall as a warehouse building? The hallway length is around the average length of a school hallway. This main area branches off to other hallways, similar to this one. The walls and floor are a pure black, the various monitors on the wall casting a dull blue light. Office tables and chairs are scattered in each of the hallways in this unknown level.

...Yes this is a rip off Level of some of the other observation levels, but SHH... no one needs to know

Displayed on the monitors are other levels. There's as many monitors as there are levels in the backrooms, so basically, lots of monitors and lots of hallways. Most of the main ones are in the main hallway where the hole in the ceiling is.

BACK TO WATCHER

Watcher's obviously very confused and disoriented, and did I mention he did NOT EAT??

He explores for a long while, desperately digging around the office tables to find something. Anything. He finds some Almond Water, which HELL YEAH DRINK THE SANITY JUICE YOU NEED IT MY GUY!!

oh god did I mention that he learned how to go through the monitors at some point? no? well now i did

Yeah so that's how he "no-clips" into other levels, gets his shit together, and escape

Except, he doesn't. He doesn't want to leave that hall of monitors for longer than needed. Watcher feels the burning need to be there, or else it gnaws at his chest like a disease.

WHIIICH is one of the reasons why in one of his older versions, he's named "Infection Watcher."

He has this kind of... Infection thingy..? Basically he infects people involuntarily, like you would with any other transmittable disease. I might get rid of this concept though because idfk how that works and I kinda forgot

God hold on, I have more... Lemme dig

CURRENT RELATIONS:

Elliot "Lamplight" Lockwood - A boy that stumbled into Watcher's Level the same way he did. He's been infected, though has some human remnants such as part of his face and hand. He has a lamp tail to guide lost Wanderers throughout dark levels.

Tīru "Charge" - A certain interviewer with a charger tail who managed to get herself in the Backrooms. She intended to find out everything herself. Curiosity kills the cat interviewer, but satisfaction he brought it back. She resides in a special level that's mainly accessed if you noclip through a wall with some sort of outlet in it.

Chandler Sveign - They never met again ever since the incident. Though, maybe one day. Watcher observes them through the monitors sometimes, they seem more on edge now. What was the word..? A hollow shell of their former self.

Kiera "Starkeeper" Starveling - dude I don't even know, probably another infected gal. I just have this written down in my notes :sob:

Dream Watcher - uh... so... idk either. I do know that she resides in the "clouds" and uh... She's a statue?? don't ask man, younger me had the best imagination

END OF YAP SESSION

have a bite of my thoughts.

thabk you for coming to my Ted talk

[tr1ck5]

(Part II of II) I do like how, in more recent years, more people are coming to Rinoa's defense, and more people are looking at her more positively. I think it really started when she became playable in Opera Omnia and Dissidia NT (both in 2018), because she's a Game Breaker in both games (and she's actually a Game Breaker in FF8 if you know how to use Angel Wing properly), and when she didn't reunite with Squall in Dissidia NT, so many people were pissed. So many people still want them to reunite in Kingdom Hearts. And almost every YouTube video I've watched of Opera Omnia where Squinoa interacted and were cute with each other, pretty much all of the comments have been positive AF

I admit, I myself wasn't the biggest fan of Rinoa or Squinoa when I first played FF8 20 years ago, even though I did use her in the active party as much as possible and tried to make Squinoa's optional interactions positive. I wouldn't say I was an anti back then, but I just didn't care for her nor their relationship. But now, after revisiting and replaying it 20 years later, Rinoa and Squinoa have grown on me. I can't really explain how my views changed; maybe it's just me maturing in the last 2 decades and understanding Rinoa's characterization and backstory and Squinoa's relationship, as well as having access to some of the few officially-translated Ultimanias, a lot better now than I did when I was 12 🤷🏻‍♀️

Certainly, for a lot of things in life, what you thought or believed in when you were 12 is gonna be way different when you're 32 👀

Sorry for the split Asks, it ended up becoming so long that I had to send 2 Asks 🤪

Oh I also absolutely agree that there is more, WAY more to Rinoa's character than being made to be saved all the time. But there IS a bit of that though, especially in the beginning... and that's completely reasonable to me considering she is essentially a civilian; she wasn't brought up in a military way and hasn't had the training that the others have had! And what I love is that it is something that she notices and brings up to the group herself: Rinoa: "I guess...I'm just scared. Sometimes...when I'm with all of you...I... feel like we're on the same wavelength......you know? But when the battles start happening, it's different. Everyone's tempo seems to pick up and... ...I get left behind. I try to catch up, but it's no use... How far is everyone going? I can't hear anyone... Once I catch up, I wonder... Is everyone safe? Will they welcome me with open arms? ......Is everyone ok? Will we all make it back together? When I start thinking like that..."

But she eventually makes up for it, because she is resourceful and smart and stubborn! And that is something I like to bring up in my own fanfic (warning: total headcanon territory); Squall himself sometimes forgets she hasn't had the same training they all did. She's a quick learner!

I also agree that by the time the game ends, with everything that's happened between them, yeah, the Seifer crush is definitely dead. What I like to think though is that Rinoa still hurts over the good memories she's had with him; grieves over the Seifer she knew pre-war crimes lol. There's a beautiful bittersweetness to it that I think is worth exploring a little, at least.

I think the 'don't interact, block and move on' strategy is always the way to go for much of online discourse. And I don't mean that when talking about stuff like politics, economy or philosophy etc; debating can and does have its place (when done in good faith of course) but there's... nothing to debate when it comes to personal tastes. No one's gonna convince you to like guacamole if you don't and you're not going to convince someone who loves it to suddenly hate it. That's how I see fandom preferences. Life is too short. Eat or don't eat the guac. Love or don't love the Rinoa. It's aight. It doesn't matter lol!

I think we definitely all collectively aged up and matured for sure! I do remember that back then people seemed more critical of Rinoa's character in general; maybe it was because we were teenagers ourselves back then? And now as adults we're more forgiving of what we couldn't realize back then was 'typical teenager behaviors'?? Haha I'm armchair-theorizing around, here. 😛

Add to that the fact that a lot of stuff like character growth and themes in FFVIII is subtle af. You kind of have to dig through a lot of optional dialogues and read between the lines on a lot of things to really 'get' the whole picture. I know 10 year-old me definitely did not have that attention span back then haha!