#I'm hoping that this post isn't confusing but if anyone is confused just ask the question and its alright :]

[which-qsmp-egg-would]

Blog Announcement!

I am officially changing the name I go by on here!

Let me explain

When I first started this blog, I intentionally chose to not go by my usual name because I wanted to make a different persona, sort of. So on this blog, my name was Poll.

Then Poll became their own character and their own person with their own relationships! As time has gone on I've worked on making Poll a separate person from Me, instead of me but a dragon and blue kkkkkkkkkkk

All of this is to say that Poll is keeping their name of course, but I, the person running this blog, am officially going by Captain now!

(btw It's okay if you still call me Poll, that's perfectly okay and I know that we struggle with change sometimes <3)

[foggysilverfeathers]

Fake HC 10 dashboard mayhaps??

0 notes

☀️ pearlescent-post Follow

Reminder to love yourself! Smell the trees! Everything will be okay in the end 😊 ☀️

☀️ pearlescent-post Follow

nvm gem ran out of pickles im depressed again

🐟 gemstone Follow

I RESTOCKED THIS MORNING HOW HAVE YOU ALREADY SOLD ME OUT

☀️ pearlescent-post Follow

1,930 notes

🎣 mending-book-fanatic Follow

day 126 without a mending book

27 notes

🚂 scars-axasqottles Follow

uM hey @.hpo-official could i ask why you havent' received my messages?/? Every calsl Ive made just puts me on holdd

⬜️ hpo-official-948204deactivated

Sorry about that, sir. Admin error. I'll speak to my manager.

🚂 scars-axasqottles Follow

...hELLO?

🌸 joel-beans Follow

lmao they deactivated what a loser

🎣 mending-book-fanatic Follow

Remember there's a person behind every poor worker! I see you bullies in the notes

🐟 gemstone Follow

@/mending-book-fanatic is a hermit permit office spy confirmed??

2,441 notes

🌸 joel-beans Follow

Guys everyone agrees that purpur is cheap and beautiful and godlike and everyone should go buy it right now this second *sweats*

🌲 supreme-judge-bd Follow

I feel like I'm missing something...

🌸 joel-beans Follow

SHE HAS EYES EVERYWHERE BDUBS

☀️ pearlescent-post Follow

Joel!

🌸 joel-beans Follow

If I don’t respond within the hour assume she got me

133 notes

🎩 symmetrical-minister Follow

anyone know a good shop for ethically-sourced wood?? i normally shop at big wood but ive heard things about a mafia :/

🪓 big-salmon Follow

That is absolutely NOT true!! If anything you should be targeting the crypto scheme at Big Wood,,

⌛️ d0ctorm77 Follow

aaaand this is why you should never trust businessmen in red suits

🪓 big-salmon Follow

says the one compensating with a massive HOURGLASS of all things

🐍 puppet-master Follow

Actually @.big-salmon Xisuma_voyd made a really well-explained video here going into detail about all of the shady elements of Big Wood, it's worth a watch.

🐟 gemstone Follow

To answer the original question OP here are some safer (privately owned!) shops :)

Gem's Moss Shop (azaleas for sale which can be bonemealed)

Bdub's Bamboo Shop (bamboo wood is a good eco-friendly alternative to your typical spruce or oak)

The Purr-purr bus (if you're okay with having slightly more exotic trees, from the End)

Hope this helped! <3

⌛️ d0ctorm77 Follow

Why would you pay diamonds for less when you could just pay a few grains of sand for the best quality wood in the shopping district? You people confuse me

🌲 supreme-judge-bd Follow

actually the Purr-purr bus isn't ethical at all!! ive heard they blackmail people into giving them sails!!!

🐟 gemstone Follow

*sales

🌲 supreme-judge-bd Follow

SHUDDUP

☀️ pearlescent-post Follow

:(

2,750 notes

🎣 mending-book-fanatic Follow

day 131 without a mending book

34 notes

🎣 mending-book-fanatic Follow

day 164 without a mending book

🐍 puppet-master Follow

Grian you know you can get free mending books at the cat cafe right

🎣 mending-book-fanatic Follow

it's not the same

🎣 mending-book-fanatic Follow

I need to be able to smell the breath of the sea between its sodden pages

🎣 mending-book-fanatic Follow

continue along the same path and you'll soon be facing villager unions

2,316 notes

🔥 tongo-tak Follow

Friendly reminder that not everyone wakes up at 2am, so please tag your Pearldle spoilers for at least a few hours!!

☀️ pearlescent-post Follow

skill issue tbh

1,102 notes

🇸🇪 death2diorite85 Follow

hallo how flirt with pretty girl time sensitive question

🌺 git-gorgeous Follow

sell them something

🔥 tongo-tak Follow

bribe diamonds

🐍 puppet-master Follow

kill them

🇸🇪 death2diorite85 Follow

okay will do!!!!

🇸🇪 death2diorite85 Follow

wait

2,989 notes

🐍 puppet-master Follow

Happy pride month to lgbtqia+ people of all ages, genders and sexualities, you're all so valid and so loved <3 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ ❤🧡💛💚💙💜

🐟 gemstone Follow

<3

⌛️ d0ctorm77 Follow

I'm making a rainbow beacon for pride, come look for it! i'll be with it by my husband @ renthedog's hole all week

⌛️ d0ctorm77 Follow

*HOLE

⌛️ d0ctorm77 Follow

*HOME

⌛️ d0ctorm77 Follow

WAIT I ACCIDENTALLY TAGGED IT

🐾 renthedog Follow

um.

2,655 notes

🌸 joel-beans Follow

etho is just kakashi on maple syrup send post

🌸 joel-beans Follow

almost forgot to add important additional difference! etho is also obsessed with me

1,113 notes

[asumi2020202]

You are dead meat today!

Pairing: Kinich x Reader

Summary: The Almighty Dragonlord's words made Kinich blast. In the moment of desperation, Ajaw hid somewhere he shouldn't have.

A/n: This is my very first request, by @wnnawk. I was busy with my studies that why it took long to post even if it isn't long. I tried my best, it's not long but I hope you enjoy. Thank you for reading!

________________________ฅ⁠^⁠•⁠ﻌ⁠•⁠^⁠ฅ_________

"I swear to god if you ignore me, The almighty dragonlord!, one more time!"

"How bothersome.."

"WHAT?! Alright I'm telling Y/n that you intentionally played sick so you could get attention from her!"

"How did you- wait! Get back here you pest!"

Ajaw was in a tough spot as Kinich was searching for him. He was in for a lecture. But can anyone blame him? The poor Dragonlord only wanted some attention.

Ajaw heard footsteps coming towards him. He flew inside the door next to him. He hid under some clothes that was laid on the bed. It was easy to hide in for him since he was flat.

_________________________________________

You got out from the shower, still in towel. You went towards the clothes you had laid on the bed and started wearing your clothes.

The dragonlord came out of the clothes startled thinking you were Kinich which kind of left of you confused.

After some minutes, when you were done getting ready, Kinich came inside to ask if you saw Ajaw.

When Ajaw saw the door opening, he couldn't find any proper hiding spot. He suddenly flew inside your clothes and inside your bra after saying "Help me Y/n!"

"Ah love, I was wondering if have seen Ajaw by any chance-"

"ekkkkk!!!!" Startled by what Ajaw did, you took him out of your clothes and slapped him across the room and to Kinich.

Kinich's eyes widened for a second before he understood what happened and you saw a flame in his eyes.

"How. Dare. You. Get. In. My. Lover's. Clothes." You gulped when Kinich said that. He turned his head towards Ajaw and gave him the scariest death glare someone ever saw.

"It was just an instict to hide from you- it wasn't intentional-" Ajaw tried to reason but Kinich wouldn't have it.

"You..... You'll be dinner tonight!" With that, Kinich chased Ajaw around the room.

"Y/n! Help me! He was acting the other day by saying that he was sick!" Ajaw said, trying to turn the attention towards Kinich but that only fueled his anger more.

"Alright....

You are dead meat today!"

[heartlyvampzz]

❝𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐌𝐘 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐄.❞ —- ft. phainon

– cws: none wc: 562 , romantic/fluff , gn!reader , modern!au + mention of uni!au(? ig) , the Yearning is real

Pushing the door open to feel the wind blowing by your face, picking up your hair along with it, you see Phainon waiting by the school entrance. You smile as you walk up to him.

“Phai! I thought you left already?” You ask as you come up to his side. He perks up at your presence, that oh so charming smile of his making an appearance.

“I thought that I'd wait for you today. That's alright, isn't it?” He asks, turning his body to face you as he tilts his head slightly to the side.

“Of course it's fine! I've got nothing better to do. You're not busy either, are you?” You say, looking up into his blue and gold eyes. “We could stop by the park on our way home.”

Phainon seemed to lighten up at the idea before nodding. “Sure, we could watch the sunset too?” He adds as he starts to walk.

Following him, running a bit to catch up to him, your cheeks flush slightly. You hoped the sun hid your tinted cheeks with its own orange hue that it casted down.

“Mhm, I'm up for it. As long as you walk me home,” you playfully elbow him as you both laugh, Phainon just shaking his head.

As you two walk, a comfortable silence envelops the both of you. With only your shared footsteps and the birds singing their final songs for the day, you can't help but let your smile stay on your lips, all the more oblivious to how Phainon's attention is purely on you.

He sees how the sun illuminates your features, casting its golden glow on you and shining in your eyes. Your smile—gods—he loved your smile. The way it crinkled at your eyes, along with everything, it's all just so you, and he can't help but swoon.

As you two see the park come into view, you run ahead as Phainon laughs, following you and spotting a bench you've decided to sit down on. You wave him over just as the sunset begins to really show its colors.

You both stare at it, watching as the oranges, reds and yellows mix together with the bright sun in the middle of it all.

“You remind me of the sun, Phainon,” you say suddenly, making Phainon turn his head to look at you, his eyes meeting yours. He gave you a confused look, urging you to continue your thoughts.

“Well, you're bright like the sun—the light in someone's life, my life—and you're just as constant as the sun too. Always leaving with the promise of return, and you always fulfill that promise. I always find you again, the brightest star in the sky.”

His cheeks flush at your words, blending in with the dying light of the sunset. Silence follows, only until Phainon speaks.

“I.. I'm not sure what to say. I've never had anyone describe me as such a thing,” he laughs a bit at the end of his sentence, not quite knowing what else to add. You just smile, turning back to the fading sun.

“Just thought I'd speak my mind. We should probably be heading back now, though, it's getting dark.”

He only nods. Phainon can only help but wish he said something to you then too, to share his own feelings. Maybe one day, he'll get the courage to do so.

♱ —- 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒: so what if. what if I disappear after this. PLS IDK WHY I'M SO SCARED TO POST SMTH NEW THAT I WROTE. It's been too long guys 💔💔🥀 I rlly need to get back to writing again bc GOD. anyways. I hope this is good 🙃🙃

��� — © heartlyvampzz || I appreciate any reblogs made, and pls don't repost, translate or feed my works into ai, thanks — ✦

[willosword]

kit, jentry and the art of misunderstanding

this is basically just a really long post going over kit and jentry's interactions in eps 8 and 9 bc i've seen some people feel like their characterization took a sharp turn ("they made kit act like an incel", "they made jentry reject him just because he's a demon", etc), when i thought both their actions were perfectly understandable and a pretty natural evolution of their not-relationship. i think the key thing to remember when watching these scenes is that both characters have very different assumptions about the current status of their relationship, partly because they were never able to sit down and define it in the first place.

kit thinks he and jentry are functionally together, that any hesitation on jentry's part is the result of some fixable fault of his own, while jentry thinks they were never a thing to begin with, and especially not now after kit betrayed her trust.

so this is where the trouble really begins, tho i think even earlier in this conversation is when they started to be on different pages. up until this point, kit had been hoping she'd forgive him, and was taken aback when she said she wasn't looking for apologies. then she started reiterating her belief in his soul and relating to the feeling of being trapped with a life defined by someone else

jentry pov: even though i'm feeling deeply betrayed, kit doesn't deserve to be under anyone's thumb. we'll help each other out and then we'll part ways amicably. that'll make things right.

kit pov: hold up. 'make things right'? as in... make up? as in... a relationship is still on the table? :D

jentry pov: after the powers are gone there'll be nothing tying kit to me, and nothing tying either of us to mr cheng. he'll be free to move on and choose whatever new life he wants.

kit pov: she said 'you and me' like we're a pair! so she still wants to be with me after all :D we're reconnecting!!

so this is when kit starts getting possessive. there's definitely good old fashioned jealousy at play, but i also think kit was genuinely under the impression that he and jentry were reconnecting, and that jentry should have no reason to be interested in michael at this point.

back at school he's genuinely confused, because he has no idea jentry isn't into him anymore. he helped her get rid of the powers and made up with her, so now they should be back in business. he did the mum thing that's apparently a romantic gesture jentry likes, so shouldn't she be happy about it? look how thoughtful he's being!

jentry pov: ohhh shoot, he doesn't get that i don't wanna be with him anymore. i can't deal with any more stressful demon stuff......... how do i put this nicely...

kit pov: yep haha ^_^ no more powers, yay! it's like what you said back at my house! now that you don't have the powers nothing is getting in the way of our relationship anymore, like mr cheng and gugu's game. peace and love on planet earth <3

jentry pov: i need to let this dude down as GENTLY AS PHYSICALLY POSSIBLE. i want to word this in a way that SCREAMS "you're an okay dude, just not what I personally want out of a relationship right now" because I know he has issues with his sense of identity. so i will focus on how the relationship itself can't be normal. this will hopefully take the brunt of rejection off him as an individual and lay the blame at the feet of unfortunate circumstances

kit pov: ohhhh so she WANTS to be in a relationship with me but i'm not acting normal enough

jentry pov: ok thank god. he gets that i don't want us to be together AND he took it gracefully.

kit pov: so she's saying we can be together... once i start acting more normal? that's slightly upsetting. but totally doable :)

jentry pov: i will now pursue michael since i've cleared things up with kit ^_^ yaaayyy

kit pov: what the hell??? i'm trying to be normal for her???? like she ASKED me to?? but now she's flirting with michael out of nowhere???

jentry pov: THIS CREEPY ASS DUDE KEEPS STALKING ME AFTER I TOLD HIM IM NOT INTERESTED

kit pov: i am doing Normal Displays of Normal Human Affection like she literally asked me to >:( ok well not literally but she INSINUATED

from his pov, she's not even giving him a chance to "correct" his behavior before she runs off with someone else, toying with his emotions. he's trying to "out-normal" michael to win her back, but it's frustrating and terrifying bc if there's one thing he Can Not handle it's rejection

jentry pov: this guy obviously can't take a gentle let-down, so I need to be more blunt about this. he stalked me, lied to me, tried to kill me. how can he NOT see why i don't want to be around him anymore? what the heck is his problem?? how much meaner do i need to be about this before he finally leaves me alone???

kit pov: ok, so the mask is coming off now. she said i was more human than i thought, that a soul is made up of the decisions you make, who you choose to be. but i didn't choose to be centuries old, i didn't choose to drain qi, those are all intrinsic parts of my demonic existence. was all that talk a lie? do i not have a soul after all? am i not human enough for her? was she just trying to spare my feelings this whole time?

jentry pov: he's so creepy and possessive, i hate this, why can't he just take no for an answer!!? (<- objectively true btw)

kit pov: she's avoiding the question, so she means 'yes' and is too proud to say it. she doesn't like me because i'm a demon, and if i was a normal human, we'd be together right now

so of course he gets so upset he punches the lockers. it's not extreme or out of character, he thinks everything jentry told him about his humanity was a lie. that there IS something inherently wrong with him that nothing but the acquisition of a soul could fix. that he's back to square one, that mr cheng was right, that no one could possibly love him in his natural state. that he is, inherently, down to his core, a monster.

but at least this time, he doesn't have to kill jentry to get what she he wants (because it was never really about her. he never prioritized her happiness. everything he did to change 'for' her was always about desperately maintaining the sense of human connection he craved)

[murderbot-moodboard]

Finished moving out of my apartment today (yay!), but once again my body is complaining about it and keeping me awake. So I'm back here to write the post that's been waiting on the back burner of my mind. It feels incomplete to talk about episode 6 without talking specifically about Bharadwaj. She really, genuinely wanted to be a friend to LeeBeeBee, and wanted to believe LeeBeeBee could be saved. But although her view was presented as optimistic, I didn't feel like she was presented as being naive. Understanding less about the Corporation Rim than she thought she did, maybe, but not naive or foolish. And I don't think we can fully understand Bharadwaj's responses without factoring in what's been going on for her specifically since the mission began.

Bharadwaj believed she had a genuine rapport with LeeBeeBee, based on all the ways LeeBeeBee acted like she connected with her: complimenting Ratthi while making a face where he couldn't see it, acting concerned about Bharadwaj's injury, acting interested in Bharadwaj's work and listening attentively as she talked. LeeBeeBee played her part very well, in a way that actually might have been sweet if it were genuine.

And Bharadwaj was more willing to spend time with her than the others were because I think Bharadwaj is a little lonely. Besides her on the team, there's the young throuple who are mostly busy with each other; Gurathin, who is not currently able to be emotionally available; and Mensah, who is the team leader (and possibly a former love interest-see the matching tattoos). Bharadwaj is going through a lot, but due to all the shit that's been going down and relationship drama on the side, no one has really been available to just provide a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. LeeBeeBee acted like a friend, Bharadwaj responded positively, and LeeBeeBee took advantage of that to try to manipulate her.

On the surface, when Bharadwaj tells LeeBeeBee that they can help her with whatever trouble she's in, it might seem like a simple culture/values clash between Preservationer Bharadwaj and Corporate LeeBeeBee, but I don't think that's the full picture. I think Bharadwaj was still struggling to recognize and accept that she had not actually made a new friend, and all the rapport she'd felt with LeeBeeBee was fake. It was a completely normal and understandable reaction when you take that into consideration. It's normal for emotional manipulation to make you confused about what in the relationship is real and what isn't, because it usually involves trying to convince you to believe something that doesn't match reality. LeeBeeBee's manipulation was secret agent level BS, so it was a more extreme reversal than usual between the lie and reality, since LeeBeeBee never wanted to be Bharadwaj's friend on any level. That would fuck with anyone's head.

So in the scene at the end of the episode with Bharadwaj crying, I'm guessing she was not only reacting to LeeBeeBee's sudden death, but also grieving the betrayal, and grieving the friendship that never actually existed. And possibly also having negative thoughts and feelings about herself for having not seen through what was going on, or for being the one LeeBeeBee chose as a target.

And I am so glad that Arada saw what was going on and came over to give her a hug. Because Bharadwaj does have real friends who love her. And I don't know if she's told any of them yet that she still can't sleep at night, but something about how she said it to LeeBeeBee made me feel like she hadn't told the others. And if not, she needs to start confiding in them instead of keeping her struggles to herself. I hope that they'll also ask her how she's doing and encourage her to be honest. I'm not sure what she thinks she needs to prove to others or herself, but I hope before the season ends, she'll start allowing herself to be seen and loved as she is, not as who she thinks she should be.

[telamonisms]

1x1x1x1 x reader..general fluff hcs.. I'm stavrign... reader can be a killr or a survivor any is fine.. there's not enough 1x content

✦I have to agree with you anon, there isn't nearly enough content of 1x, for this, reader is a Survivor.

✦GENERAL FLUFF HEADCANONS WITH 1X1X1X1✦

✦You were convinced that something had to be wrong with you to watch her slaughter all your team mates and still feel so curiously drawn to her that you didn't even try to run. 1x herself agrees.

✦But it was exactly this which had her feel curious about you in turn. He'd at first written it off as you being so terrified you'd ended up paralyzed by the fear. When you kept doing it though, he began to doubt.

✦"You. Why do you not run in terror at the sight of me, weak one?" Had been the words which started it all. Their downfall if you may.

✦When you explained that you were curious about them, they didn't exactly know how to react or process it and just killed you. Oh well there's always next time!

✦Said next time you had a far better luck, able to strike up a somewhat calm conversation with him, asking questions that he'd in turn answer.

✦Until you asked why she seemed to be so against Shedletsky. The Mass Infection that ended you was, at least, mercifully quick.

✦Time to retry! You apologized in case you'd hit a sore spot and she went off. You hadn't expected a trauma dump from the 1x1x1x1 but you kept quiet and listened, thinking through it all about how despite the anger in their words and voice, you could feel how much they needed to let it all out.

✦By the time she was done, the round came to an end, needless to say, now you were pissed with Shedletsky and the next time you encountered 1x in a round you spent your time shit talking him.

✦Something bloomed within 1x's chest that day and from then on he seemed to be far more merciful to you, either avoiding you until you were the last one standing, or straight up fully sparing your life and instead talking more with you.

✦While at it, you also noticed how he seemed to look more towards getting to have conversations with you.

✦One day you asked her why. Why was it that she spared you so, that she seemed to enjoy your talks, that she, when not sparing you, made sure that your death was quick and painless. You told her that it almost seemed like she didn't hate you.

✦"I don't." Came out her answer and you were confused, but isn't she the Creation of Hatred? Shedletsky's hate personified?

✦He explained that "personified" is the keyword, hate is not all he feels, not all he is. Much like with Chance's dog motifs, I could go on a deep dive about how 1x doesn't just feel hate, but for the sake of the headcanons staying on topic, I'll only do so on a separate post if anyone wishes me to.

✦Ever since then, you two have grown closer and closer. You hesitate to put a name to what you two have, but you do kmow that you enjoy eachother's company and care for and cherish one another.

✦Maybe, just maybe, if you all manage to make it out of this realm, there wouldn't be any reason to not keep seeing eachother, spending time with eachother, no longer limited by an artificial timer marking the end of a round, perhaps you two would spend hours or even days in eachother's company.

✦I thank you for this lovely request and I do hope it is a good read. 1x1x1x1 alongside Chance are two of the characters I feel the strongest about. Especially with how much mischaracterization they both get put through and how much of their nuance people take away from.

[nothorses]

You've made a lot of really great posts about transmasc experiences and struggles, and they really resonate with me! So I guess I want to in complete earnest ask: why the push for 'transandrophobia' when anti-transmasculinity as a term has been around for longer and faces little friction by comparison? I don't really *dislike* transandrophobia, but its meaning gets muddied everywhere from different directions, while ATM is pretty direct and succinct I feel. It's very clear that it's about TRANSmasculine oppression. I'm not against having a dedicated term at all, but the content of our struggles gets lost in the weeds of attaching kind of understandably divisive terms like misandry and androphobia in an attempt to mirror a phenomenon very specifically about misogyny; it seems more trouble than it's worth considering ATM is right there

I'll be honest, this ask is confusing to me for a few reasons.

When I started talking about transandrophobia around the summer of 2020, the conversations I was encountering were very much, like, a handful of people across Twitter and Tumblr (literally, a handfull!). I picked up "transandrophobia" because it was one of two words I saw in use, and the other- "transmisandry"- felt much less clear and much more contentious. It seemed super obvious to me that people would draw a line from "men's rights activists" trying to push this idea that "misandry", as a systemic oppression of men by women, to "transmisandry", and assume some ill intent where there was none. It's confusing!

"Transandrophobia" was the better of two options being floated at the time, at least in any conversation I saw. "Anti-transmasculinity" was not really a term I'd been made aware of, if anyone at all was talking about it at the time.

I have seen people pick up "anti-transmasculinity" more recently (maybe in the last year?), and this is definitely the first I've seen someone shorten it to "ATM". The people I've seen use that term have been mostly people who seem really new to the conversation, and the vibe I've gotten has been very, like, "we're the Good Transmascs, our word isn't dirty and gross like those other Bad Transmascs everyone hates. you'll listen to us now that our word is Good and Pure, right?"

Which is like... kind of frustrating, and kind of sad, honestly. I think these people honestly believe that if they just choose the right word, all the people who've been dragging me and every other transmasc talking about these issues through the mud for the last 4 years or so will really just stop & listen. If they can just say it right, these people- who have been relentlessly harassing and spreading lies about every single transmasc who came before them for years now- will care what they have to say, and will be willing to engage with them in earnest, compassionate dialogue.

If you just find the right word, all of these people will care about your hurt, your pain, and the suffering of your community.

It kind of breaks my heart. It's an incredibly hopeful, kind, loving way to view the world. It's compassion and patience and forgiveness that these folks are not being given, but that they so badly want to offer to others.

And at the same time, it sucks to be the Bad Transmasc. It sucks to have fought so hard for so long, and for the people I've been fighting for all this time to turn around and say, "you're gross, and dirty, and evil, and everything you've done is a mistake." It sucks to see the people I've been fighting for agree with the people I've been fighting against, and shove me under the bus in an effort to appeal to the people running me over with it. Knowing that the bus is going to aim for them once it's done with me just makes it sadder, yknow?

@saint-speaks wasn't the first person to ever speak the word "transandrophobia", but he is the one who coined and popularized it in its current form. And then he was dragged through the mud so hard and so brutally that some people think I coined it, just because when I defended him (too little and too late, imo) I withstood the mud-dragging better than he did (and gee, I wonder white.)

And now people take for granted that everything everyone said about hymn to justify that frankly fucking evil harassment campaign was true, actually, and we should abandon the word he coined and find one with purer origins.

If you honestly think "anti-transmasculinity" is just a more practical word, that's fine. I don't care what word we use. But they're going to cover it in mud, too. They're going to cover every one of you in mud.

Will you keep fighting for "ATM" once they make it the new dirty, gross, bad, evil word? Will you keep fighting when they drag you and everyone else through the mud for using it? Or will you agree with them, make up a new word, and never look back?

Please don't let us drown in the mud. We've been fighting for you, and we want to fight with you. Please.

[roseareeh]

ooo can i request Casual with Billy? congratulations!!

Casual | Billy Hargrove x Reader

Notes: Thank you!! Of course you can! This is based on my current song fics, so anyone else can request song prompts based on this post

Words: 760

Warnings: Sex scenes. MDNI

"Oh fuck, Billy!", you moaned loudly while he had his face buried between your thighs.

Billy had you spread out in the back of his car. Like most days after practice, he needed you after a rough training session. Your hands were gripping his hair in an attempt to get him closer. The noises he made while eating you out were just as messy as his technique. "I'm gonna cum!", you squealed. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Your breathing got more irregular than before as you felt an orgasm wash over you. "Billy!", you squealed while he let you ride your orgasm out on his mouth.

"Good job, baby.", he said in a low tone once you finished. Billy patted your upper leg once before helping you put on your clothes again and driving you home.

"Max asked if you wanna go shopping with her.", he said as he parked in your driveway. Your eyes lit up as you looked over; he noticed the hopeful glimmer in your eyes. "I'd love to! Ask here when she has time, I'll make it work." In the meantime, Billy lit a cigarette. "I'll tell her." He reached over to open your passenger door. "Remember, this is casual." With that, you left his car.

He always said the same thing when dropping you off. "It's casual." Every single damn time. But how casual could it be when you hang out with his sister and he invited you to dinner with his family?

"Shh, we have to be quiet.", Billy hushed you while putting a hand over your mouth. The two of you went to his bathroom for a quickie - which meant he put you up on the counter, pulled your panties off and fucked you against the bathroom mirror. He kept thrusting his entire length into you, which made it hard to stay quiet. You moaned against his hand when he hit your g-spot over and over again. "My family is downstairs, be a good girl and stay quiet." How could you stay quiet when he hit that magic spot so perfectly? But you just nodded with teary eyes. Fuck, he knew just how to make you see stars.

You wrapped your legs around his waist to keep him in as deep as possible while you calmed down from the mind-shattering orgasm. "Good girl.", Billy cooed before removing his hand from your mouth. He helped you get dressed before you walked back downstairs to dinner with his dad and step-mom.

"You're right, I can't stand your dad.", you told Billy while he drove you home. His dad is someone he told you was an asshole from the second he mentioned him. "He was playing nice today, you don't know the half of it.", Billy said while parking in your driveway. "Max asked me to go to the arcade with her.", you told him while unbuckling your seatbelt. There it was again, the glimmer in your eyes. "Remember baby, just casual."

Yeah, yeah. Just casual. That's why he treated you like a girlfriend.

Max and you had a blast at the arcane. You waited on the sidewalk with her for Billy to pick her up. "Personally, I think all boys are stupid.", you told Max while she complained about Lucas again. But your statement confused her. "Isn't Billy your boyfriend?" You sighted and picked up a piece of gravel from the ground to play with it. "No, he's not." Max was even more confused now, but she knew just what to say. "He's stupid, too."

Billy parked right next to you two and got out. "Get in, shitbird.", he told Max. With one last hug to you, she got in the car. Meanwhile, Billy went up to you and kissed you. A deep kiss. The kind boyfriends give their girlfriends.

"Thanks for taking her out.", he husked before leaning down to your ear. "You're the best casual one could have."

If it's so casual, how come you were around his family? How come you hung out with Max and talked about her boy problems with her? How come he kissed you like that?

When he stood up straight again, your hand worked faster than your brain. To make it short, you slapped him right across the face.

"I'm not your casual if you treat me like a girlfriend, Billy.", you said. Max was looking at you in awe from the passenger side, but you didn't know what. "Get over your dumb commitment issues. I'm not your casual."

You left him standing there, dumbfounded at what just happened.

[writingquestionsanswered]

Not to be a downer, but I actually finished my novel and now I’m confused because I don’t want to publish it. I don’t even particularly want anyone other than maybe my two close friends to even read it. What on Earth did I write 40k words (which I know is not really long enough for a novel, but it’s still far and away the longest thing I’ve ever written) for? I know people say “write for yourself” but like… am I just wasting my time? Help?

(p.s. you can leave this off anon)

(p.p.s your blog is really great 👍)

There's No Such Thing as Wasted Writing

I'm going to tackle this two ways...

#1 - "Write For Yourself" - there's a reason this common phrase has echoed through the Hall of Writers since time immemorial. It's because it's true! Writing doesn't have to be anything more than a pastime. It doesn't have to be anything more than something you do for your own benefit and enjoyment.

I have an in-joke with family members about how any time one of us does something the least bit crafty, DIY, skilled, whatever, a particular family member will always say, "You did a great job! You should do it for a living!" Like, someone can't even crochet a Kawaii mushroom without being pressured to turn it into an Etsy dynasty, or paint a cabinet without being pressured to become the next Property Brothers. And that's such a BANANAS capitalistic mindset, isn't it? This idea that nothing can be done purely for our own enjoyment. That you can't just write a novel because you want to... you can only write it if you plan to share it or publish it? It's just so silly.

And, the thing is, we don't even apply that mentality to a lot of other things people do purely for enjoyment. No one is streaming all of Bridgerton in two nights and saying, "I enjoyed every second of that, but why did I do that? Such a waste of time!" No one spends an hour strumming their guitar under the stars on a beach, and then says, "That was so relaxing and fun, but I didn't charge for that performance and I didn't record it to sell it, so that was obviously a waste of time."

You know what I mean?

#2 - And Anyway, Practice Makes Perfect - And if you keep writing--even if you continue not to share or publish--you'll get better and better with each story you write. Which, maybe all that means is you get to appreciate your own improvement, but also, should you ever change your mind and decide to write something to share or publish, you've now spent time honing your skills. Even if those other stories never see the light of day, they're still an important foundation of the writer you become. Do you know how many unpublished novellas, novels, and short stories I have? Too many to count. Hundreds of fan-fiction and original fiction short stories I've only shared with one or two other people, if anyone. A dozen or so novels and novellas that have only been read by a few people, and some haven't been read by anyone else or have only been read by my CPs. I would never consider those stories and novels and novellas to be a waste of time, because I know every single one made me a better writer. My published work is better because I wrote those other things.

So, I hope that makes you feel better. At the very least you hopefully enjoyed writing your novel--or at least got something out of it--and you definitely honed your writing skills, which matters! ♥

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

I’ve been writing seriously for over 30 years and love to share what I’ve learned. Have a writing question? My inbox is always open!

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[glitter-stained]

I always feel like a little sad seeing posts about how Jason's character is inherently tragic and that's what makes it good, how him being unloved, a tragic consequence of his own actions, is inevitable, and how that shouldn't change because any change on that regard is a fundamental misunderstanding of his character. Yes, Under the Hood is a tragedy. Yes, Jason survived and for a long time people have been pretty confused at what to do with the character that survives the tragic ending. That doesn't mean he should continue to be trapped in the tragedy, that there's only value in him as long as he's unloved. And maybe that's me preaching and being a party pooper again but the idea that the teenage-to-young adult character with a mental illness that has damaged all his relationships is doomed to be lonely and have bad/upended relationships forever, that he's only good as a character as long as he's hurting others and/or himself (and usually both) and isolated because of this... It's sad, at the very least. I refuse the presumption that tragedies are the only stories wise and worth telling.

Also I personally really dislike the idea that Jason isn't and shouldn't be anyone's favourite, because he made himself nobody's favourite on purpose. Did he make himself a villain on purpose? Fuck yeah. Does any of his early attempts at reaching out to people hurt them? Indubitably. I maintain that this is because he wants to be someone's favourite as he is, at his worst, with his hands covered in blood. And I think he should be. (Without contradicting or damaging, by comparison, the relationships between other characters, that's the tightrope we need to be weary of when making such things, of course.)

It's like this: love, in most relationships, is conditional: you don't owe your friend or your partner to continue to love them if the relationship changes, if you change, if you become violent etc. If my girlfriend started murdering puppies, I would stop loving her. Ideally, however a parent's love for their child is unconditional. That's very often unfortunately not the case, but ideally it'd be, it's really not great for a kid to have zero parents that love them unconditionally. And most importantly, it's not just about actual unconditional love, it's about it being perceived. So it doesn't matter in the debate if Bruce actually loves Jason in spite of the murder, it matters that Jason asks for confirmation of it at the end of UTH and receives a negative answer. (similar arguments to be made about Catherine loving Jason and dying of drug overdose and Willis going to jail and dying - it's the potential perceived abandonment of it that would matter, not their agency and actual love. And it's not a question of whether he would be angry at it so much as that he'd yearn and hurt for it. And of course Sheila didn't love him at all.) That's why he, upon learning about Mia and reaching previously unknown to man levels of projection*, tries to rally her with the hope that, because she's "so similar to him" she would understand him. That's why upon learning about Dick "killing" Blockbuster Jason, again projecting more violently than a bullet, Jason makes Dick into his new favourite person (god, the concept behind BiB has so much potential why did it have to suck so bad...) Anyway, Jason to me is a character with a very intense, very overwhelming conception of love both in who he loves and how, who struggles to understand that other people love and show it differently, and it makes so much sense for him to keep looking for a person who will love him unconditionally (something that's both very rare and not necessarily healthy since, again, most relationships aside from parent-child relationships do not and probably should not include unconditional love). This is particularly interesting in the context of him having bpd (again, using bpd because i'm focusing on the interpersonal dimension that's been mostly studied within that frame) because BPD often functions around a vicious circle of "is afraid of rejection/abandonment -> does maladaptive behaviour in attempt to prevent rejection/abandonment OR protect oneself by being the one to leave first" which is what leads to the instability in relationships. It's a doomed prophecy: i have maladaptive patterns that make me think my girlfriend is gonna leave me at any time, I keep demanding to see her phone, assuming she's cheating everytime she leaves and thus demonizing her even though I was glorifying her five minutes earlier" then she's going to leave me, which is gonna reinforce my thought pattern that everyone always leaves me. But that also means that in rare instances in which the other person in the interact, for whichever reason, sticks around through that, then these incorrect thought patterns begin to change through the sheet logic of extinction: if i think that people always leave me because of something fundamentally wrong with me and people don't leave then eventually the idea that people are doomed to abandon/reject me is going to lose its power. That's, btw, an important part of why therapy works.

(*that one's a joke, btw. He's not projecting onto mia and dick to levels impossible to mankind, just pretty intensely. Very human levels of projection, might I add'. Just to clarify.)

Now, be mindful: I'm not saying make Jason an abusive boyfriend. I'm not saying put him in a relationship where the other stays because they're afraid of him, that's not unconditional love or acceptance that's just fear. Of course, the ideal version of it would be Jason goes to therapy but because dc hates me specifically this is never gonna happen, but imagine him being in a relationship, romantic or otherwise, with someone who is as intense and "unwell" about him as he is about them. I'm not saying it would fix him (again, get him so goddamn therapy jfc) but it would change him. And just as it doesn't have to be healthy it doesn't have to be tragic.

I was asked a while ago my thoughts on Jason's current stagnancy as a character and if I thought he could become interesting again, and I said yes and talked about the directions I dream would be explored with his character and their potential. My answer hasn't changed, and it's completely compatible with this, but I will add: I think Jason as a character has largely and for long enough been defined through his yearning to be somebody's favourite, and that if you want his mode of interacting with others and dynamic with different characters to change then this is a very logical way to do it. And it would make a lot of sense for it to be the catalyst for other changes in his character (ie in his name or philosophy).

Get that boy into a super intense long-term codependent situationship, is what I'm saying. Please.

[archangeldyke-all]

hope you're feeling better by the ghosting! Lesbian dating scene is hard out here 😭 have an ask if you're up for it. Or you can just listen abt this scenario I have, totally fine either way just wanna let these thoughts out. And you're my fav sevika writer so! It's a bit angsty/comfort ig? Basically Sevika explaining to reader why it's such a struggle to say "I love you".

Not just because it's an admission of feelings for such a character but I think it's also cuz loving someone also means you have to accept anything could happen to either of them, esp since Zaun and her job are quite dangerous. So saying those 3 words feels like accepting that risk and continue on which is a big thing to do, it's like willingly leaving yourself open to potential heartaches. Idk just recently saw posts about how love is not just a feeling but also a choice, whether to stay/commit/any other reason the person feels what love is. Felt like if the reader is the first thing she's ever cared about and don't wanna lose her (whether it's a breakup, death etc,), she would struggle saying it cuz it feels like accepting that risk which she doesn't want to. She would still make up for it by showing her love & appreciation thru other means tho! Mb the reader had anxious thoughts on whether she reciprocated, or Sevika feels bad for not saying back for so long that she felt like she has to explain why she's struggling.

Sorry if I'm rambling too long 😅 hope you have a great year ahead, love your writing as well! ❤️

i love this sm <33

men and minors dni

even though you've lived in zaun your whole life, you understand that your life's been a lot softer than it could've been.

you've never had to worry about where you'll sleep at night-- you've always had a dry, warm bed to rest in.

you've gone hungry some nights, but you're lucky enough to have never gone more than a few days without a warm meal.

and your choice in career keeps you out of the line of danger; safe and inside most of the day, home before sunset each night.

so, while you're zaunite enough to know how to keep your head down and mind your own business, you understand that for most people life's a lot scarier.

sevika's one of those people.

sevika's known grief for almost as long as she's known how to talk. she's spent her fair share of nights in the cold, and she's gone to bed hungry more often than she's gone to bed full and satisfied. plus, sevika's dedicated her life to being a revolutionary. which means sevika has a lot of enemies.

so it's no surprise that lovey-dovey words come easier for you than they do for sevika.

it isn't until two years into your relationship that you realize she's never said she loves you. sevika has to be the one to point it out.

"i think i gotta call it an early night, baby. you stay up and finish the movie." you say around a yawn, leaning forward to kiss your girlfriend on the couch. sevika pouts.

"just sleep on top of me here." she requests. you snort.

"you'll throw your back out carrying me to bed."

"that's just offensive. i could lift three of you." sevika's pout worsens. "goodnight." she huffs. "give me another kiss."

you laugh and roll your eyes. "i love you." you say with exasperation as you lean in to kiss her. sevika stiffens against you. you pull away to study her face. "'s wrong?"

"you always say that." sevika whispers. you raise an eyebrow at her, climbing into her lap to hold her face between your hands.

"well, yeah. 'cause i do."

"i know." sevika says with a tiny smile. it makes your heart flutter. it's quiet for a moment as you wait patiently for your girl to gather her words. eventually, sevika sighs. "does it ever bother you that i don't say that to you?" she asks.

you frown in confusion. "what, that you love me?" you ask. sevika nods. you sputter a laugh. "yes you do, you say it all the time." you scoff.

sevika blinks up at you in shock. "no i don't." she says. "baby, i've never said it. to anyone. ever."

oh. well, that's surprising. you furrow your brow as you try to recall an instance where your girlfriend let the words slip, and you're shocked to realize that she, in fact, has not. "oh." you say.

sevika gulps. "does that... is that bad?" she asks.

you blink down at her, and your heart shatters. "oh, baby, no." you coo, kissing her frown. "no, that's not bad."

"but-- i should be able--"

"darling, i know you love me." you cut her off. sevika blushes almost as red as she did the first time she saw your tits. you smile, brushing your thumbs over her crimson cheeks. "you make that very clear."

"yeah but i--"

"you moved me into your sacred bachlorette pad three months into us meeting. yesterday, you came home from work with a stab wound, and tried to make me dinner before patching yourself up."

"it was just a scratch."

"i'm not finished. you call me stupid shit like sweetbean and cookie-- and you do it in front of other people! you! sevika; the scary lady of zaun!" she chuckles a little bit at this. "sevika, i didn't even realize you hadn't said it until you told me just now." you kiss her nose. "it's not bad."

sevika leans forward to bury her face against your neck, inhaling deeply. "i just... i want to say it." she whispers. you nod. "i wish i could say it like you do; just, whenever i feel it." god she's romantic. you choke back your own tears as you kiss her scalp. "but... if i say it..." sevika trails off.

"if you say it, it makes it real." you whisper, nodding. "it makes it somethin' you can lose." you can feel her hot tears on your throat. you don't mention it.

"y-yeah." she whispers shakily, her hands clutching at your hips desperately. "and i can't lose you."

"you won't baby. even if the worst happens, i'm yours forever. i'll haunt the shit outta you." this pulls a startled laugh out of her, and you grin. "you don't have to say it for the rest of our lives, if you can't. i won't mind. just as long as we're together."

and that settles it.

for a while...

sevika starts practicing.

she'll spell it out to you, 'i l-o-v-e you, baby.' or she'll whisper it to you when she thinks you're sleeping.

at the three year mark, sevika can say it when she's drunk enough. it's fucking adorable.

"i have somethin' import'nt' t' tell you..." she says with a waggle of her eyebrows. you burst into laughter.

"oh, do you?" you ask.

"mmhmm. look." sevika darts forward to peck your lips, then pulls back with a proud smile. "i love'ya." she slurs. you grin.

"i love you too, baby."

"an' if this jinxes everythin' and y' die-- y' gotta make the haunting obvious 'kay?" she asks. you cackle.

"alright, love."

by the time you're married, the words are almost compulsive for her. sevika can't leave a room without shooting a 'love you' over her shoulder at you. even if you're arguing.

"oh, so you've conveniently got a fuckin' 'meeting' in the middle of the night, on your night to do fuckin' dishes?! if you don't get in the kitchen and grab the sponge right now you're sleeping on the couch!"

"it's six pm, it's a dinner meeting! i'll do the dishes when i get back! you act like i'm fuckin' negligent, but you're the one who doesn't know how to properly clean a fuckin' toilet! janna, you annoy me-- i love you, i'll be back by midnight!" she huffs as she slams the door behind her.

despite how pissed you are-- you can't help but smile a bit at her words.

taglist!

@fyeahnix @lavendersgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner

@kissyslut @chuucanchuucan @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther

@lavenderbabu @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai @my-taintedheart

@glass-apothecary @macaroni676 @artinvain @k3n-dyll @sevsdollette

@ellieslob @xayn-xd @keikuahh @maneskinwh0re @raphaellearp

@iamastar @sevikitty @mascdom @nhaaauyen @annesunshiner

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@blackgaladriel @nightlyconfusion @dancingqu33n17

[yutahoes]

Small World

I might post this here so I can have the energy needed to finish (or even continue) this fic.

characters: single dad! soccer coach! widower! Yuta x female! single mom! fashion designer! divorcee! Y/N (with son! Jung Sungchan, son! Shotaro Osaki, daughter! Sachiko Osaki (OC), daughter! Sakura Nakamoto (OC) word count: 6k words genre: probably chaptered, fluff summary: Who says one cannot fall in love once again? warnings: single parents au, period talk, maybe aegist and sexist comments here and there, minor character death, sexual harassment, a little mutual pining, aged up and aged down characters

This is just a little fic that has been sitting in my drafts since 2022. Heavily inspired by the movie Blended and the Heart over Height NCT Show Content. I don't know if I'll ever write again, but the concept is very close to my heart, that I don't want to waste the story. If anyone reads this, please let me know what you think. Should I continue this or not?

Heavy flow. Regular flow. With wings. Without wings. Sanitary Napkins. Tampons. Pantyliner. Why are there so many choices? 

Yuta groaned in annoyance. What does Sachi use? Why didn't she stock up on these things when they did their groceries? Why does she have to get her period tonight? But he should be relieved, right? 

At least his daughter isn't pregnant. 

He sighed in obvious distress, too loud that the woman beside him just glanced at him cautiously. He lightly apologized, bowing his head in embarrassment. What is he doing in front of feminine products? And why can’t he make up his mind?

A sigh disturbed his thoughts. His gaze fell on the woman beside him, who was looking at the magazines while sighing. Yuta groaned at the same time as the woman, which surprised them both. "Do you need help?" they asked simultaneously before lightly stopping when they realized they had said the exact phrase.

The woman smiled, stepping to the side where the feminine care products were. "First day period?" Yuta nodded as she reached for the heavy-flow pads in front of him. "She's still using pads, right?" 

Yuta hissed before shaking his head, "I'm not sure. Her brother usually does this for her, but he's in camp." He blurted out, then realised he might have been giving too much information. "But she's eighteen. I hope that helps." 

"Yeah, here." She handed the package of heavy-flow sanitary pads with wings. “You should also prepare a hot compress since she'll be aching all over." 

"I'll remember that," Yuta said with a smile, taking a mental note of what she said. “How about you?" Yuta glanced at the object beside the feminine care products and was confused at how the items in this convenience store were placed. "Magazine?"

She looked embarrassed at first but then sighed. "I accidentally ripped my son's magazine." She then showed him a piece of ripped glossy paper. "In my defense, I'm surprised he's reading this stuff." Oh, Yuta nodded his head, he gets it now. 

"How old is he?" He asked, taking the ripped paper and feeling it using his fingertips. 

"Eighteen." The same age as his twins? No way, she looks too young to be a mother of an eighteen-year-old. "They're already growing up, aren't they?" 

They are. He thought it would be easier. But the generation is entirely different. 

Yuta handed her a men’s magazine, the same magazine from which the piece of ripped paper came. "This still has fewer nude pictures compared to the others. He's still fine." The girl giggled, taking the magazine before thanking him. 

Once lined up for the counter, Yuta realized how awkward this was. He was carrying a sanitary napkin while she was carrying a men's magazine. The woman might have felt uncomfortable, so she suggested switching items before the teller rang their items. Once outside, they immediately changed the plastic bag and paid the other what they owed. "Do you live near here?" Yuta started, and that made the girl stop in her tracks. Wait, that was weird to ask a married woman. "I mean, it's dangerous to be walking this late." 

She smiled. "My car is parked there." She pointed at a black Toyota, which surprised Yuta. She must be wealthy. "Do you want me to give you a ride?" she asked while locating her keys inside her purse. 

Yuta shook his head, claiming that he lived nearby. "By the way, I'm Yuta Nakamoto. We just moved here from Japan." 

"I'm Y/N Y/L/N. Welcome to the neighborhood, Yuta." She introduced, shaking his hand. 

Her hands were so soft. So delicate. She is gorgeous and smiles a lot. Her voice sounded so melodious, and her perfume smelled good. Is this how deprived he is of a female? But God damn it, she's a married woman with an eighteen-year-old son. Why is he fantasizing about her all of a sudden? This is weird. 

"You look so happy, Dad," Sachiko, his eighteen-year-old daughter, commented while checking the sanitary pads he had bought for her.

Yuta shook his head, laughing at himself. “The convenience store here is just so funny.” The younger one gave him a weird gaze and nodded. A sigh escaped his lips as Sachi was out of sight. Why was he so ecstatic meeting an attractive married woman in the convenience store? He might be crazy. 

—-

"Mom, I'm back!" Sungchan shouted as he entered the door of their house. He put down his duffel bag before instructing his friend to sit on the sofa. "Mom, are you home?" He could hear shuffling from the second floor, and Sungchan smiled. She is home. 

The younger guy smiled when the older woman appeared from the mezzanine floor. "Channie!" She quickly ran downstairs, holding her heeled shoes in one hand and her handbag in the other. The taller guy wrapped his arms around his mom for a hug. "Why didn't you call to tell me you're coming back?" she asked while ruffling his hair. “You look thin. Is your dad not feeding you well, my Channie?" 

He gave a nervous laugh before gesturing for his friend. "Mom, this is Shotaro Osaki. We met at camp." The younger Japanese guy stood up and greeted the older lady before she looked at her son in confusion, "What camp?" 

"Summer camp," Sungchan claimed as a matter of fact. "Dad is on a cruise with his girlfriend so he sent me to summer camp. He said you knew." 

"That fucking bastard," she whispered, then lightly glanced at Shotaro, who looked surprised. "Sorry.” The older woman whispered while smiling at their guest before turning to her son again, “But I'm glad you're alright, and you met a new friend."

The younger boy smiled at his friend. "Can Shotaro stay for the night?” The older one nodded, putting on her earrings. “Are you going out?" he asked, then glanced at his mom's black dress. "A date?" 

She shook her head, then sat on the couch adjacent to where Shotaro was seated to put on her heels. "I'm meeting a client," she claimed, then took out her wallet and gave Sungchan some cash. "Just order food if you want. I'm not sure what time I'll be home." She then glanced at Shotaro, smiling. "And please, feel at home, Shotaro. We have a vacant room upstairs. Just ask Sungchan where it is." 

The younger nodded, whispering a 'Yes, Mrs. Jung,' which made her laugh awkwardly. Y/N had to remind Sungchan of things, like putting his clothes in the laundry area so she could wash them tomorrow and closing the TV once they're done with video games. She laughed again when Shotaro bid farewell, mentioning Mrs. Jung when she went out the door. "Mom hates being called that." 

"Your mom is hot," Shotaro exclaimed, making his friend look at him in surprise. "I mean, is she really your mom?" 

"Sadly, yes, " the taller one claimed while starting the video game. “She was only sixteen when she gave birth to me." Shotaro was surprised. She was so young. If his twin sister got married and gave birth at that age, their dad would probably throw a fit. Luckily, she's past that. "Do you like my mom?" 

"What?" Shotaro exclaimed, eyes wide. "No. That's weird." His friend gave him a teasing smile. "It must be nice to still have both your mom and dad." 

Sungchan shrugged. He is luckier than some kids, but he wishes his parents would be together like other teenagers’ parents his age. Whenever his mom and dad are in the same room, it’s as if they don’t know each other. It's not like they never fell in love. And that is why he is scared to pursue what he calls love. “You still have your mom and dad, right?" he asked while pushing the joystick buttons in the game he and Shotaro were playing. "The ones who came to camp." 

The Japanese guy giggled and shook his head. "They are my grandparents," he claimed, almost defeating Sungchan in the game. “My mom died when I was eleven, and my dad is busy with his work." 

"Oh," Sungchan claimed. That's why Shotaro said that statement. Come to think of it, he is indeed luckier than most teenagers his age. "Are you an only child?" 

Shotaro shook his head, claiming he has two sisters: a twin and a younger one. Sungchan stopped. A twin sister? "Do you want me to introduce you to Sachi?" 

The other guy laughed, shaking his head. "I'll just imagine you with long hair. That would be weird, Sho." The Japanese guy chuckled, laughter echoing through the whole house. 

Shotaro has a nice laugh. And he’s the first same-aged friend he had who doesn’t want to bang his mom. Hopefully, Shotaro would be his friend in the long run. 

—-

Y/N was nervously seated inside a posh restaurant while waiting for her client. A politician and his wife are celebrating their sixty years together and throwing a small wedding party. The older woman was a darling when she came into Y/N’s boutique to check her designs, even claiming she fell in love at first sight with a blue sequined gown from her collections. A dress that she even tailored for the high-paying client. And now, she can't wait to show the older woman her upgraded design. After all her sleepless nights to finish this design, it all comes to the final pitch to the politician’s wife, so it must be perfect. 

Her hands shook as she fixed the folder with her designs on the vacant chair beside her. “Hi, I’m your waiter for today, " she heard someone say before she whipped her head to where the person was standing. Her eyebrows scrunched at the familiarity. “Hi,” the guy smiled warmly before lightly chuckling, “Do you perhaps remember me?” 

A giggle escaped her lips as the man she met at the convenience store poured water on her drinking glass. “Yuta? Am I right?” she muttered slowly, making him nod while smiling. “You work here?” He nodded, claiming that it was only for part-time work. He handed the menu before excusing himself when a table by his station asked for napkins. 

Yuta was shaking his head, smiling to himself at the thought that he saw her again. How small is this neighbourhood for them to bump like this? She looked prettier than when he first saw her. Maybe she’s here for a date. A sigh escaped his lips. Why does it matter to him? She’s married. “I saw that,” Johnny, his co-waiter, claimed. He feigned innocence by asking what it was, but the taller guy just smiled, “You’re flirting with that hot girl on table ten.”  

“I’m not,” Yuta claimed as a man entering the restaurant took their attention. He made a beeline to table ten, and the woman greeted him while standing up. Is that her husband? But he looked way older than her, with a balding head and a potbelly stomach. When she sat down, and the older man moved the vacant chair near her, Yuta made his way to the table he was stationed at. 

“I can move my things, Mr. Castro,” she claimed, quickly taking her things from the vacant chair, but the older man stopped her. “Let the waiter do that. It’s his job.” The side of Yuta’s lips turned up. What a prick. Y/N just gave Yuta an apologetic look before he moved the vacant chair next to hers and moved the other chair, with her things, far from her. What does this man want? “We’ll order later.” 

Yuta hated these kinds of customers the most. From what Johnny supplied, he is a politician with a high office in town. Everyone knows that he’s married, so going to the restaurant and eating dinner with a younger, hotter woman raises a few eyebrows. 

And honestly, Yuta doesn’t want to think of the worst thing possible. But is she the mistress of a politician? But what about her eighteen-year-old son? Is she cheating on her husband with this politician? Or is the son the politician’s child? Is she not married? But she has a wedding ring on her finger. Yuta shook his head. This is hurting his brain. And why is he too bothered about it? 

“Aren’t you going there?” Johnny asked, gesturing at table ten. Yuta glanced lightly at the man, who kept talking animatedly, and the woman, who looked uncomfortable. “I don’t think they’re here for a date.” 

Yuta made his way to the table, asking what their orders were. The older man ordered the steak, and a salad for the lady, which startled the waiter. Is she only eating a salad? And why is he ordering for her? Upon closer inspection, he saw the woman moving farther from the man. His hand was on her lap as she smiled timidly at him. 

Wait, is she being assaulted by this man? 

Yuta kept his eyes on the people talking at table ten, making Johnny lightly nudge him while asking him what was wrong. “She looks uncomfortable, isn’t she?” There was obvious fidgeting in her actions, and how she was trying to move away from the older man made Yuta assume something was happening. “I’ll try to get her out of there. Could you ask her privately if she needed help?” Johnny only nodded as Yuta made his way to the table. 

The politician glared at the waiter when he stood before their table. Both customers' eyes were on him. “Ms. Y/N,” he called, startling the woman. The manager wants to talk to you about your credit card,” Yuta continued, making the girl look at him confusedly. “It kept on declining.” 

“I can pay for the…” the politician claimed before the girl stood up while shaking her head. “I’ll talk to the manager. Thank you.” She declared, standing up with her handbag while rushing to Yuta’s side. “I’m sorry for the inconvenience, Mr. Castro. I’ll just settle this real quick.” 

The older man shook his head. “I can just pay for the meal.” 

The younger girl shook her head. “I don’t want your wife to misunderstand,” she answered with a smile. “I’ll just call my husband to pay for the meal.” 

The older man stood up, “We could discuss your idea later. I’ll tell my wife to call you.” The girl apologized once again before watching the politician exit the restaurant. 

Knowing he was out of sight, Y/N sat back on the chair with a heavy sigh. “Are you alright?” Yuta asked, which made her nod, staring at the well-decorated table. That was so scary. “Do you need something? I could call someone.” 

But she shook her head, “I’ll just take the steak he ordered, and please cancel the salad.” She claimed, breathing heavily as if trying to keep her composure. “And do you have something alcoholic that would let me drive back home?” 

Yuta smiled. “I’ll check.” He took the used glass and placed a new set of glass and a plate in front of her. “I’ll be back with your order, ma’am.” 

“Thank you, Yuta.” She said with a warm smile. The guy had to smile back, grinning when he turned his back on her. 

“You look like a teenager with a huge crush.” Johnny teased. 

Dinner was terrific, except for the little incident that happened. Y/N was now unsure how to approach Mr. Castro and his wife. But to be fair, he was the one making indecent moves on her. Her brother might be right; she should stay away from high-end clients.

The steak was tender and very juicy for its price. The virgin piña colada almost tricked her into thinking that she had a drink that night. It was a great meal, and the servers were very courteous. Maybe she’ll bring Sungchan for dinner here sometime. 

A tall guy was operating the counter, but her eyes looked around for the familiar face that saved her that night. “I’m sorry, we don’t accept tips,” the man claimed, handing back her change. But they deserved it after what happened tonight. 

The girl only smiled. “Then can you just please tell Yuta I said thank you?” 

He smiled wide and nodded. “I’ll let him know.” She had to look for the waiter again, but in the end, she just left the restaurant. 

Maybe she’ll just come back and have dinner here some other day. 

Then, she could thank Yuta personally. 

—--

“Yes, dad, I’m fine. I’m going home tomorrow morning.” Shotaro whispered on the phone just as a car engine could be heard. It’s probably Sungchan’s mom. Should he wake his friend up? “Take care on your way home, dad.” 

The door opened as Shotaro put down his phone. Sungchan’s mom looked at him in confusion, and he greeted her with a bow. “You cannot sleep?” she asked, but Shotaro smiled while waving his hands. The room Sungchan offered was very comfortable. He claimed it was his uncle’s room whenever he visited them. 

“I called my dad.” The older one nodded, placing her keys on the table. “Sungchan is already asleep.” 

The girl smiled after glancing at her son’s room and nodded. “Did he buy you dinner?” He answered that they ate pizza, making the older person apologize. Wait, why is she sorry? “My son and fast food,” she claimed while shaking her head. “I’ll cook an edible breakfast for the two of you tomorrow. What would you like, Shotaro?” 

This is very embarrassing. “I’ll leave early in the morning to head home.” 

“Have breakfast here first; I’ll make fried rice.” He nodded, thanking her quietly. Sungchan said his mom worked in fashion retail. Does she always stay at home? It wasn't that long since Shotaro lost his mom, but it feels like he doesn’t have any idea what mothers usually do. “You should take some rest.” Shotaro nodded as he started walking upstairs, leaving Sungchan’s mom on the couch, focused on her phone. 

The house feels warm even if only two people are there. Maybe that’s why he eased up on Sungchan the first time they met. He’s a very warm person, different from other cold guys their age. After spending his days with his sisters, bonding with a male his age was nice. Hopefully, Sungchan would be his friend in the long run. 

—-

“You’re late!” Jungwoo noted as Y/N started putting down her binder and handbag on the table. She started apologizing while reasoning out that she had to prepare breakfast for Channie and his new friend. “Sungchan is back? Already?” 

“He said his father sent him to summer camp.” 

“I thought they’d spend time together.” But the girl just sighed, shaking her head. “Then what’s wrong? Did he suddenly change?” 

Again, Y/N shook her head as the events earlier that morning replayed in her head. Shotaro was showing her pictures of the performance they had on camp, even surprising her that her son can sing and dance. Sungchan was even sharing that a lot of family members came and he even took pictures with Shotaro’s grandparents. When she asked why he didn’t invite her, his only answer was “I did invite dad, I thought he’d just message you.” And Y/N felt bad. 

If only they were still together. 

“You can’t possibly blame yourself for your falling out. You were both so young when you got married.” Jungwoo claimed, making the other sigh. “Besides, I always knew you’re too good for each other.” 

Y/N had to breathe hard. She shouldn’t think much about it. They had been divorced for years now, she doesn’t even remember why she fell in love with him in the first place. She’s just thankful that he’s still active in their son’s life and co-parenting Sungchan without bothering each other. 

They had obviously moved on from each other, but it’s still awkward being in the same room at once. Besides, she still considers the what if of their relationship. What if they’re still together? What if they truly loved each other? What if he chose her over his career? 

The side of her lips curled up watching Jungwoo talking to two girls: a teenager and a young kid, about the dress on display. “I’m sorry, we don’t make dresses for kids,” he claimed, making the young girl pout. 

What if they have another child? A daughter, perhaps?

Y/N smiled at the two girls, “Do you like the dress on display?” She pointed at the floor-length pastel rainbow dress by the shop window. The young girl nodded, claiming that she loves the color of the dress. “I can make you one.” 

“Y/N!” Jungwoo called. 

“But he said you don’t make dresses for kids.” The older of the two girls claimed. 

The older woman nodded, “But I am the designer and maker of the dress, I can make you a dress if you really want it.” The kid’s eyes sparkled, making her grin. “Let’s go inside so we can talk about the design you want?” 

Jungwoo was shaking his head as he headed to the counter, Y/N following him while the two girls settled on the lounge. “You have a lot of orders, why would you take that?”

The girl smiled at the two girls’ way. “Call it a passion project.” 

“You just really want a daughter.” 

“Sungchan will get mad at you if he hears that.” She said with a laugh. 

Y/N was gracious in interacting with the young girl. This was her dream from the start, to open a boutique and design dresses for young girls. But the market is so cutthroat that when she got alimony money from the divorce, her brother insisted on making a boutique for older women who usually pay more. She was just sketching the dress, even considering the input of the kid who wants glitters by adding shining sequins on the body of the dress. It feels great to be working with someone who knows what she wants, unlike the other customers who can’t seem to make up their minds. 

“How much will the dress cost?” The older of the girls asked, fiddling with her thumbs. “Dad gave us a specific budget for my sister’s dress.” Oh, Y/N thought that they’re mother and daughter. How adorable is it to have two daughters in a family. 

The younger grinned, “It’s my seventh birthday.” 

Y/N had to smile, “Don’t worry about it. It’s my gift for you.” The younger had to gasp, surprise written all over her face. She’s so cute, Y/N thought. There’s no doubt, daughters make the world brighter. “I’ll make sure that you’ll have the perfect dress for your party...” She trailed off, turning to the older for their names, but the young kid chimed in,” I’m Sakura and this is my sister, Sachiko.” Are they Japanese? She had been meeting a lot of Japanese people lately. 

“I’m Y/N,” the older said with a smile. “When are you needing the dress again?” 

—----

Sungchan was just amazed at how small the neighborhood was when they reached his friend’s new house. Shotaro didn’t even know where their new house is and just followed the shared location set by his dad. Once again, the person who has lived in the neighborhood all his life was startled when a young man went out of the house and his friend called him dad. He looks so young. Are parents this young already? Then maybe there isn’t much of a deal with his young mom. “Dad, this is Jung Sungchan. We met at camp and he lives in the same neighborhood.” 

“You are so tall,” the older man claimed with a laugh. “I’m Yuta Nakamoto, Shotaro’s dad.” Sungchan lightly glanced at his friend. Isn’t his full name Shotaro Osaki? Why is his dad’s surname Nakamoto? “I can’t believe you got a friend before Sakura.” The guy mentioned laughed. 

“Where are Kura and Sachi?” 

“They went to the mall,” Yuta answered while checking his phone. “They bought clothes for Sakura’s birthday.” 

Shotaro shook his head, making Sungchan confused. “We’re doing it this year?” 

Yuta nodded, “What Sachi said made sense, it’s a new environment for your sister. This is her chance to make new friends.” Then his expression was gloomy, that startled Sungchan. “Besides, it’s been seven years already. We should at least celebrate Sakura’s birthday.” 

The younger one nodded, “Is there anything else that I can help you with for the party, dad?” 

“I still haven’t found a venue nearby for the party.” 

Sungchan lightly glanced at the father-son before muttering, “I know a place.” Shotaro looked at him in question before he continued, “The neighborhood has this great clubhouse where they frequently host parties.” He then glanced at the older of the two, “I know the homeowners’ president, we can talk to her and reserve the clubhouse for Sakura’s birthday.” 

Yuta nodded, “Thank you, Sungchan.” The mentioned guy grinned, making his friend smile widely. 

He is very lucky to meet Sungchan. 

—-------

“What do you mean you don’t want me to drive you to school?” Y/N asked dramatically. Sungchan just took a bite of his toast, staring at his mom deadpan. “It’s your first day.” 

He nodded, “It’s nothing serious, mom. I just want to ride the bus with Shotaro.” 

But the older girl pouted. “I always drive you to your first day classes, though.” 

“That was when I was younger.” The disdain on the older’s face can be seen immediately, which made Sungchan chuckle. “It really isn’t a big deal, mom.” He whispered, “Shotaro is new in town and I want to show him the academy.” The older woman just stared at him. “Please, mom.” 

With a heavy sigh, Y/N nodded. “And it’s not because of those puppy eyes, you’re too old for that.” Sungchan laughed, hugging his mom from behind. “When did you become taller than me?” 

“I’ve always been taller than you.” He claimed, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “It’s because I always ate with your love.” 

The older rolled her eyes. “You’re exactly like your dad, it’s annoying.” She started getting some cash from her purse. “Additional money for your bus rides and eat some snacks with Shotaro.” 

His hug got tighter. “I’m sorry but you know I love you, right?” 

Y/N had to smile at that. Although Sungchan had grown taller, he’s still the same sweet little kid she took care of for years. “I know, I know. You’ll be late if you don’t hurry up.” The younger guy smiled widely, taking the cash she gave and his bag while muttering an ‘I love you’ as he ran outside their house. 

She sighed once she was alone. Y/N was well aware that her son is growing up, but when did it all happen? He doesn’t want her to drive him to school. He drank her coffee instead of the glass of orange juice she prepared for him. 

Y/N heavily sighed. She badly missed it when Sungchan was still a young boy. 

“You should start dating,” Jungwoo claimed, drinking his iced coffee while watching her stare at the rainbow dress for the young client girl. What? All of a sudden? “It’s not too late to have a child once again.” Y/N shook her head while laughing. That’s not it. She does miss taking care of a young child, but she doesn’t want to go through the whole childbirth again. That was the hardest time of her life. “Or maybe just date a single dad.” The thought made her stare at Jungwoo in surprise. What the hell is that idea? 

Y/N shook her head. Jungwoo is so weird. 

—

Y/N had never seen a party with this many kids before. Sakura may have invited all the kids in the neighborhood just for her birthday party. How cute. Maybe her parents are incredibly wealthy for pulling this party for her. “Y/N,” the president of the homeowners greeted her with a wide grin on her face. “I thought you weren’t coming.” 

“Is this the party you were talking about?” she asked, and the older woman nodded. “The birthday celebrant is a client in my boutique.” 

The other woman fixed her hair, “The dad is such a handsome guy. You should definitely meet him.” Y/N chuckled. She had already found it weird that the president had been bugging her to go to this children’s party. This was what it was all about? So they could talk about the handsome new dad in the neighborhood? Truly, the married women in this place are a different breed that only makes her laugh. 

“Mom!” she heard Sungchan say, running to where she was. Shotaro, who was following close behind, even greeted her. Wait, why is Sungchan and Shotaro here? “What are you doing here?” She should be asking him the same question. “This is Shotaro’s younger sister’s birthday.” 

Wait, it clicks now. Sakura is Shotaro’s younger sister. No doubt she’s been meeting a lot of Japanese people in town lately. Then it only means that Sachiko is also Shotaro’s sister. That adorable girl. Maybe that’s why Sungchan is hanging out so much with his new friend. But wait, is this how small the world is that she’s discovering this in one birthday party?     

Maybe, the world is indeed small. When Shotaro called for his dad who was greeting the guests, Y/N almost gasped at the man smiling at her. Yuta is Shotaro’s dad? Yuta is Sakura and Sachiko’s dad? Yuta is the handsome dad that all the married women in the neighborhood wanted to meet? “You know each other?” It was the president of the homeowners who asked that question. Both Sungchan and Shotaro were staring at them in curiosity. 

“We bumped into each other a couple of times before,” Yuta answered curtly, making Y/N nod. “It was nice to see you again, Y/N.” The other smiled, greeting him the same way as he greeted her before he excused himself to greet his children’s grandparents. 

Sungchan gave his mom a questionable stare that made her glare. “What?” But he just shook his head, laughing to himself. Weird kid. 

The party is really amazing, Y/N had to note. If she was a kid, she would have a blast. Maybe their family is very wealthy to afford this huge rainbow unicorn themed birthday celebration with the younger kids in the neighborhood. The food came out and the bouncy house designed on one side of the clubhouse is such a haven for the kids. When the clown came, the children’s squealing was heard all over the place. He started entertaining the kids with games, making the adults laugh at the antics of everyone in the party.

“You really made Sakura’s dress?” Sungchan asked his mom, seated next to her. He had been munching on the ice cream for a while now. The older woman just nodded, staring at the birthday girl as her sequined dress glittered against the lights of the venue. “It’s really pretty.” 

The girl grinned. “Do you want me to make one?” The teenage boy laughed wholeheartedly. 

There was a shift in the kids as the clown changed the game to the traditional ‘Bring Me’. It was light things at first: a coin, a tube of red lipstick, and even car keys. The kids were very chaotic, making the older women on the same table as Y/N laugh.    

“Now,” the clown started making the kids silent for a moment. “I want you to bring me the prettiest mom.” 

Sungchan lightly nudged Y/N, “Mom, I should bring you there.” The older woman just laughed at her son. "Then maybe I can get those huge lollipops." Y/N laughed so loud that it made Sungchan chuckle. Her son might be crazy. 

Sakura came running towards their table and Y/N thought that her mom was there. Maybe one of the women in the same table as hers was Yuta’s wife. Come to think of it, she had never seen her in the party. “Auntie,” The birthday girl called, holding her hand. “Come on.” Y/N was just surprised. Why her? Shouldn’t it be her mom? But she only stood up and let Sakura drag her to where the clown is. 

“I said prettiest mom, not prettiest sister.” The clown corrected. 

Y/N had to smile at that. What is this weird scenario? “I am a mom.” She corrected, leaving the host surprised. When he asked where among the elementary school kids is her child, she pointed at the tall guy on the side waving his hand. He even exclaimed how young she looked. “I get that a lot.” 

“Do we agree that she is the prettiest mom out there?” He asked the crowd who only cheered on her but Y/N shook her head. There’s no way. There are other moms of these little kids who are prettier than her. Surely, the birthday girl’s mom is way prettier than her. “Do we think she’s the prettiest mom, Sakura’s dad?” 

Yuta looked surprised at the mention of his name before standing up and giving a thumbs up. The man seated next to him has a wide smile on his face and Y/N remembered him as the tall guy from the restaurant. The clown gave both her and Sakura a giant rainbow lollipop which she handed to her son as she returned to her table. “I told you you’re the prettiest mom here,” Sungchan whispered, removing the wrapper of the lollipop. 

That was weird. 

But what’s weirder is, where is Sakura’s mom? 

The kids were playing on the bouncy house and Y/N watched as Sungchan towered over them with his height. Sakura had forced him to watch her play in the bouncy house. Will her son like it if he gets a younger sibling? But Y/N prevented herself from laughing by biting her lip. As if she’ll have another child. 

“Y/N,” she heard someone call before that person sat on where Sungchan was sitting earlier. Yuta. “I haven’t thanked you for making Sakura’s dress. She loves it so much, she might sleep wearing it.” The girl chuckled. She was glad. It was the first time that she made clothes for younger girls, so it makes her heart happy that her effort is appreciated. “I’ll pay you for the dress.” 

The girl shook her head. “It’s my gift for Sakura.” Her gaze then fell on Sachiko who was standing next to Sungchan and talking to Shotaro. “I even offered Sachiko if she wanted me to make the same dress but she declined.” It was Yuta’s turn to laugh, as expected of his eldest daughter. 

“Sachi hates dresses.” Y/N nodded. She looked very laidback in her jeans and shirt but it perfectly suits her. She's very pretty. “Maybe because she grew up always pairing with her twin brother.” 

The girl’s eyes widened at that. “Shotaro and Sachiko were twins?” Her gaze was on Shotaro then at Sachiko. “Oh yeah, they look alike.” Yuta chuckled which made her gasp. “Oh my God, your wife is amazing, Yuta. How did she give birth two times in one night?” 

There was a faint smile on Yuta’s lips which Y/N caught. “She is.” 

“Where is she?” 

“The thing is,” he started then breathed heavily. “She died giving birth to Sakura.” Y/N had to cover her mouth in surprise. What Sachiko said back in the store made sense, that she wants this birthday to be perfect for her sister. 

“I’m sorry,” Y/N mumbled. “That must be tough.” Yuta chuckled. “But this birthday party is amazing, Yuta. The best I’ve ever been.” 

A laugh erupted on Yuta’s lips that surprised Y/N. He’s so carefree. It looks good on him. The married women in the neighborhood were right, he is handsome. “Thank you, Y/N.” He whispered then held his hand high. She gave her a high five but he interlocked their fingers together. “Thank you for making Sakura’s birthday special.” She grasped his hand, shaking it. “And I think I’ll be seeing you more often.” 

What? “Why is that?” 

He lightly glanced at the bouncing house where Sakura is talking to the crouched Sungchan. “Because I think my Sakura has a huge crush on Sungchan.” Y/N had to giggle at the observation. That is so cute. 

“Don’t worry. I won’t be an evil mother-in-law.” Yuta laughed. 

Part Two

[cherrycrvsh]

biiiiiig sigh. ,,,, hi. this feels terribly awkward for me, so bare with me.

some of you might’ve known me as @/spcherryygirl or viridiana. i hadn’t quite intended to return so soon—or at least, not publicly—but it seems a few anons (plural? singular? lol i’m not sure) have been going around telling people that i'm back. i’m not angry,,,,, exactly, but i can’t pretend i’m not a little upset. not at anyone in particular. just this. it’s not that i don’t want to be moots again or that i’m hiding from people i genuinely care about. it’s just that i had hoped to keep things quiet for a bit.,, like baby steps( that's a horrible example, but pretend it isn't. ) but now that the 'asks' were sent, there is nothing i can do about it. oh, and to clear things up( bc i think it'll cause some confusion ): the reason i deactivated wasn’t because of my parents or because someone forced me to delete all of my socials. it was because of the anons. specifically, the ones who kept sending awful things to my inbox. i know others go through similar things, and my heart goes out to them. but that doesn’t mean i didn’t feel unsafe. i mean, would you feel okay when someone tells you that you should get ____ because that happened to a character with your name?

i’m sure some of you saw the post on my old blog about the asks. how the asks were so,,, yikes.( will show one ask under the cut. tw: ew-ie nonnies ) i don’t even like to name it. but god, it was disgusting. it started last month, it was kept going. three, five times a day. every single day( like, dude, how many accounts do you have? ). it got to the point where just opening tumblr made me feel sick. so i deactivated without goodbyes. which, i know, wasn’t fair to both my moots and followers. especially because i promised a 1k event. and i’m sorry for that. i had planned to return( publicly )when things felt okay again. i was always going to find my way back to my moots, just not like this. really, i was. especially because all of you are such sweethearts. patient and understanding enough even though i lied about my reason of leaving.

but i cannot undo what has been done. so, hi. bye.

tagging a few of my moots since i didn’t tell them about this post directly. i just want to say thank you for being understanding, for not being upset with me when i left,,, and for supporting my decision to step away. xoxo ♡.

@yeoniverseee , @bloodwrittenletters , @petalbcrnes , @rainforcsts , @jjsblueberry , @simpingmyassoff , @yintous , @xoxorory , @gibsluv , @laufeysgoddess

[polarisjisung]

LOVE ON THE COURT | 20 ... WITH BENEFITS??

SYNOPSIS | every college student has their struggles, but raising her younger brother has Y/N top of the list, struggling her way through college whilst balancing her academics and basketball captaincy is difficult no doubt and with Jaemin, her ex best friend and captain of the guys basketball team, and his growing one sided hatred towards her, it doesn't seem to be getting any easier

WARNINGS | swearing, sexual innuendos, kys/kms jokes, y/n has daddy issues for the sake of the plot

NOTES | I have no idea why this update took me so long to post I'm so sorry 😭 I don't like making chapters like this too sad (don't worry there's still gonna be some angsty chapters) but I don't want the written stuff on its own bcs that feels too espresso depresso or wtv the phrase is so this is a bit of a longer chap than usual.. anyways if ever you feel bad for y/n, don't worry you're gonna feel worse

19:21, dinner the night before

Y/n shuffles in her seat.

Jaemin greets her with a smile, and though she offers one back, that sinking feeling in her stomach doesn't seem to settle.

Suddenly now that she finds herself face to face with her once best friend, no menus in hand since they'd already given their orders, no way to avoid conversation for just a couple seconds longer, Y/n finds herself at a loss for words.

What was anyone supposed to say in this situation?

Sure a thank you would be ideal, considering Jaemin had somehow managed the impossible, but the words escaped her. Like they rested at the tip of her tongue but she lacked the drive to speak them.

It's not that y/n wasn't grateful, no, she wouldn't be here if she wasn't, in fact she didn't know what it was, what confused her so deeply that she sat there silently. Her thumbs twiddling against one another, as she stared down at the table in front of her.

There was a nagging whisper in her mind, one that cast shadows over her once clear thoughts, leaving her in that haze of uncertainty that she recognised all too well. Recently it was all she could feel around the captain.

Something about this situation in particular makes her palms sweaty and the hairs stand on her neck, every glance at Jaemin feeling like a shadow of what had once been, a reminder of how it had all been lost.

Even just sitting opposite Jaemin isn't simple.

Not at all.

It's like sitting across from a mirror that once reflected shared laughter and secrets, now distorted by fractures of lost trust and unspoken words. She supposed that was the thing about mirrors and shattering. No matter how hard you tried to glue the pieces back together, it would never quite be the same.

Perhaps that's why y/n is lousy in her attempts, grateful to Jaemin but unbothered to express it. The thought that no matter how desperately she hoped, this couldn't be restored. That there was no point in pouring energy into a friendship that would never be resolved.

"So" it's undoubtedly jaemin who breaks the silence, a soft tone to his voice, not quite as gentle as the other night but still warm "are you feeling better? like really okay?"

For a moment she wonders whether she'll break at the sound of his voice like she always had. Would she go back to that point in life where it was so easy to lie, so easy to say she was okay, so easy to pretend, in front of everyone else but never in front of him.

"I'm fine, honestly." She lies.

There's a shy sheepish smile that creeps across her lips and slightly accents her words

Jaemin hasn't seen much of her positivity be directed his way, and seeing this ignites the little hope in him that they could move on from this, from everything.

"You didn't have to work on it without me you know, it was just as much my project as it was yours and you putting in all the effort isn't fair on you."

"You did most of the preliminary stuff anyways, and I really didn't want to ask you because of the other night" Jaemin finally admits, though not willingly, his words extracted more so by her sharp stare and the cold atmosphere.

"Right..." Her attempts at changing the subject, clearly in vain— he really needed to stop asking about the other night. Y/n wasn't sure how much h longer she could hold back the tears, the looming feeling of inadequacy as a guardian still strong. She should have been more careful.

She knows its her turn to speak, opening her mouth to do so.

But again, y/n struggles.

The words play hide and seek in her mind, leaving her to grasp at empty. The atmosphere grows heavy with the weight of unspoken words. Her mind races, a jumble of what to say, thoughts of how easy conversation once was, how effortless it had been, all such a stark contrast to now.

Jaemin watches, a mix of intrigue and concern in his eyes as she contemplates in front of him, quiet but with an expression that spoke volumes.

The silence between them seems to bite louder than any conversation they once held, each dish in front, a reminder of the bitter aftertaste of a friendship turned cold.

"It's just Minjun and I" she breathes out, voice shaky, and Jaemin realises that those nervous cues in her slumped posture and shaking hands had never changed "It's just been the two of us for a while" she whispered. "That's why I was so scared"

Jaemin's hand hovers uncertainly beneath the table, unsure if the gesture would be welcomed or misunderstood, caught in the delicate balance of care and concern.

Admittedly, Jaemin catches himself slightly intrigued, still confused what could have lead to her practically perfectly family turning into this.

But he knows better than to let his curiosity get the best of him.

He wants to stop her, tell her that whatever it is that causes her brows to knit together and her pretty eyes to gloss over isn't something she needs to force herself to talk about, but he doesn't know how.

For a moment he's kicking himself under the table— how had he ever let go of the person who meant so much to him?

Even now, knowing everything she had done, he couldnt help but question why hadn't he tried to get past it then?

At the sight of her downcast features suddenly everything that he once despised her for seemed so trivial.

Jaemin sees himself, a younger, less mature version that stands on the court, hair matted to his forehead from the rain, a ball long forgotten somewhere behind him, cold, betrayed, and so painfully alone. Those burning tear stained cheeks, the harsh whistles of wind, the bitter feeling of failure still clinging to his skin, he remembers it all.

But every feeling he recalls so well, so vividly, is so easily dismissed when her eyes shine with a painful tint, red from the piercing tears that she holds in them.

"My dad" she cuts him off, gaze now avoidant as he grabbed her cold hands in his, "he walked out on us not long after ...whatever hapenned between you and me. He never came back, didn't answer a single call, not even a text, no form of communication except the papers he sent in the mail so I could become Junnie's legal guardian."

I missed you, she wanted to say. I needed you she'd liked to add.

"That's why it's just the two of us now" she said instead, trying to find more words to stop the tears from flowing, like her words were the only thing that could hold them back.

Back then, Y/n remembers vividly the feeling of wanting to fall, to sink, to drown but still somehow keeping her head above the surface to hold on and stay strong for her younger brother. She wondered if Jaemin had been there, would it have been easier? Would she have let herself fall, would she have someone to give her a hand, to pick her back up again and hold her hand through it all? Would things have ended differently?

"I'm sorry" his words weren't new, they weren't special, they were the same as what everybody else would say but the fact that they came from him, Na Jaemin who now stood by her side with his arms wrapped around her, was enough to dissolve the feeling of emptiness.

08:25 present time

Y/n looks over at Minjun, still deep in slumber, smiling before she steps out of the room.

There's way too many toys sprawled out across the living room floor, a blanket she finds herself folding as she subconsciously begins to clean up. Her eyes land on the kitchen counter, wondering what to make for breakfast. She was never particularly good at cooking, but she'd been learning for her brothers sake.

When she gets to the black jacket resting over the couch, it hits her. She catches sight of her puffy eyes in the mirror, and a hand runs through her hair hurriedly.

"Why the fuck did I tell him all of that" she let's out a frustrated sigh, running her hands across her face, "I'm supposed to hate him" she reminds herself, though her tone isn't convincing in the slightest.

"You don't hate him though" Heeseung's voice comes out muffled, the toothbrush between his lips making it difficult to understand his words.

He had been the one to stay over last night, her friends still taking turns to accompany Minjun and her every night since he'd walked out of the apartment, a gesture that made her heart swell. Although up until now she was pretty certain he was still asleep. Clearly not.

"I can't hate him" she sighs, falling back into the couch "is it bad I want to be friends with him again?" she asks, even though Heeseung had retreated to the bathroom to finish brushing his teeth.

Regardless he pokes his head out into the hallway, a sly smirk across his lips "with benefits?"

Y/n rolls her eyes.

He emerges again not long after, smiling from ear to ear "no y/n it's not bad if you want to be friends again" he takes a seat beside her "you can only fight your feelings for so long, let yourself be vulnerable, take the risk and try again" he says, hands resting on both his knees.

"and if you're feeling really risky, you can always—"

"shut up Heeseung" she smiles, lightly pushing against his arm "I guess it is worth a shot though"

"he's right next door anyways so sneaking around won't be hard at all"

"I meant being friends. Just friends." she stands up, walking over to the kitchen "you down for pancakes?"

He nods.

"You know it could be good though, he's hot, you're hot, there's enough tension to make things interesting and it ticks your not ready for a relationship box pretty well too"

Despite the pointed look the captain offers him, Heeseung doesn't let up, and secretly, she wouldn't have it any other way.

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[stuffeddeer]

I'm not too sure if you write for fem! Characters or not, and I figured I'd ask since I didn't see any boundaries pinned. I saw you still write for the apothecary diaries, so do you think you could write for Suirei? Specifically an X reader. I see NOTHING about her. I miss my wife. I MISS HER SO MUCH.

Suirei's admirer | The Apothecary Diaries | Suirei x reader

not too sure if this is what you’re looking for goat but i hope it’ll suffice!!! i wrote like 3 other suirei drafts w a different plot so i might drop another suirei fic in the future if i can make any of those coherent

should i be making a boundaries post? idk what my boundaries are 😭 i'm cool w people just hitting my inbox and asking tbh! like let's find out together haha

Meeting up with the elusive court lady was your favorite part of your day. Even though you laughed, your heart fluttered just at the sight of her. The scene was out of the ordinary, a pretty girl in a pretty dress down on her knees with dirt everywhere. Not even looking back, Suirei immediately knew who was behind her.

"I don't see what's so funny about this," she speaks first, her words a response to your laughter. "You are aware I cultivate this field myself."

Unbothered by the fact that Suirei can't see it, you nod. She finally looks your direction once you kneel down beside her. It's just a quick glance; eyes flickering oh so briefly to the side before focusing back on the dirt beneath her.

Tilling the soil, it's obvious to anyone in the Outer Court that the court lady is preparing for a new crop. "What'll it be this time?"

She doesn't say anything for a moment, the soothing calm that has always existed between you two persisting once again. A second passes. "Morning glories."

"Mm," you hum. Pretty flower, if you're recalling correctly. "I'm not sure I'd call this a field. It's a hill, if anything."

"The term field is not defined by specific size requirements," Suirei sets her short hand plow down, swiping her hands quickly against each other to rid them of the dirt. “This can be both a hill and a field.”

For the first time since you’ve arrived, the court lady’s blue eyes meet yours head on. A brief glance in your direction earlier gave you a glimpse yet nothing compared to the real thing. Silently, you curse yourself for reacting, feeling your heart stutter and cheeks turn warm. “Fine. A hilled field, then,” you force out, needing a moment to remember what the two of you had even been discussing.

Suirei grabs seeds from the parchment beside her, sprinkling them into the dirt below. “I suppose I can fit more than morning glories.” The break in eye contact allows you to relax, taking a breath as you watch the seeds land.

You nod.

The court lady doesn’t look in your direction. “If you’d like,” she adds on. The addition confuses you. Like what? Is she offering to let you plant? Or— no, she’s asking you what you’d want her to plant.

Instead of just a stutter, your heart is thrumming against your chest. What do you ask for? You toy with the idea of turning her down - there's a chance the girl is asking merely out of politeness. However, Suirei was rarely someone to mince her words, every sound intentional.

“I’ve always been partial to peonies," you choose to answer. "I like that they come back every year." The court lady doesn't respond as the last of the seeds and dropped into the ground, the two of you silent as it happens.

Crumpling up the parchment that once held seeds, Suirei stands up and you quickly follow. "Peonies have such a short bloom," she seemingly chastises, as though that's the wrong choice. Something you can't enjoy for long isn't worth the hard work to maintain it.

"...You get to live with the memories as you wait for the next bloom."

It's small, barely noticeable, but there's a change in Suirei at your rebuttal. It feels as though the cool headed court lady is opening up to you for the first time, just through body language. You take the hand plow she'd been using from her grasp and follow beside her.