#I'm not familiar with common tools to be able to point them out

[followerofmercy]

I get insecure about the strangest things. I've been sitting around mildly anxious that I'm bad at media analysis because I don't read enough/watch enough/expose myself to enough new stories and I especially don't get into enough Adult Media

Because I really don't. I watch maybe one show, one movie and play one new game a year, and read between 0 and 10 books/short stories

and then my roommate floored me by saying "No yeah Arcane is a difficult show to understand. It is Really Adult. So was Gideon. It's a really difficult book for most people to get, even the first one" and now I feel a little silly asldfj. Yay good grade in story analysis and being able to engage with a story without just Projecting on it

[hyenafu]

Hey Hyena, you have years of experience when it comes to making a webcomic. Do you have any tips or advice for someone who has been thinking of starting their own with their original characters? That someone is me.

Though I do have a lot of advice to share, I will preface this by saying that general advice can only take you so far. I'm not familiar with you, your work, or your goals. It feels a bit like trying to tell someone how to play video games well when you don't know what game they're playing. But I'll try to share some practical wisdom that I hope will help folks who are just starting out.

Research: I've been recommending Scott McCloud's "Making Comics" to new creators for years, and I stand by that recommendation. It contains a ton of useful information about how the language of comics works while being a comic itself. McCloud talks about character design, the balance of words and images, pacing, backgrounds, and all sorts of subjects while pulling examples from many different types of comics, including European graphic novels, webcomics, manga, and American newspaper stripes. Whether you're just starting to appreciate comics or you've been making them for a while, I think it's a great source of inspiration.

Planning: I would do some research into how other webcomic artists plan. You're going to find a plethora of answers. Some people are really organized, others fly by the seat of their pants, and there's all sorts of valid approaches somewhere in between.

Slightly Damned is a mix of planning and improv. It's a very slow-moving story, and I've literally changed as a person with the passage of time. I have very clear goals with only a vague idea of how I'm going to get there or how long it's going to take. I just point myself and my characters in the direction I want to go and procedurally generate art and dialog along the way. This way, I'm able to set up story beats that actually (eventually) pay off, while keeping things fresh and interesting enough that I actually want to keep making it.

My usual process involves maintaining an outline in a text document. The advantage of keeping the outline in a digital text document is that I can edit and rearrange things as needed. It's a jumble of notes and snippets of dialog in rough chronological order.

When I need to make more Slightly Damned pages (usually a few weeks in advance), I adapt my notes into sketches of comic pages called thumbnails that I keep in a small notebook. Then the thumbnails are what I base the actual comic pages on when I start penciling them.

A warning against too much planning: Planning only works up to a point. At some point, you just gotta get started and gain some experience.

I think the most common problem people have when planning to make comics is that they're planning too much. It makes sense to want to be prepared, and it makes sense to be afraid of messing up. But there's a lot that you can ONLY learn from putting your art-making tool* to use and seeing where you end up.

(*Just to make sure we're all on the same page here: GenAI is not an art-making tool, it's a plagarism tool. If you rely on it, you'll only be robbing yourself of learning anything or discovering your style.)

For example: do you even like making comics? I feel like you can't really know this unless you've spent some time making them. Comics are excrutiatingly labor intensive and notoriously bad for making money.

If you don't enjoy the work of making comics, I don't think there's any reason to force yourself to make them. There are so many awesome ways to express yourself: visual novels, animatics, prose, video games, modeling, music, cosplay, concept artist, etc. I don't want anyone committing themselves to an art form because they think they have to; I want them to commit themselves to an art form because gosh dang it it's just SO rewarding to do it!

And when you start making stuff, you can look at what you've done and start asking questions about how to do it better next time. You can show the stuff you've done to others, and their reactions can help you find your direction. You can do all sorts of research based on what you think you want, and what you think you can do, only for all of that to be thrown out the window once you get started.

It'll also help you find what you're good at, which is usually whatever you think is the most fun to make.

Practice: Everything gets easier with practice. And I mean everything. If you want to get better at doing something, then you have to actually do it. Suck at drawing elbows? Draw some elbows. Bikes are impossible? Draw some bikes. Wanna write fantasy? Write some fantasy. Wanna write sci fi? Write some sci fi.

Do it bad, do it scared, and it will become easier. I can't guarantee that you'll be able to, say, freehand the skyline of San Francisco with total confidence after trying it a couple times. But you may stop giving a shit about doing it badly, and then the attempt can be fun regardless of the result! Doesn't that sound powerful?

Art is hard, and we can all be hard on ourselves. Try not to overly focus on the results. Practice mindfulness and enjoy the process of making things. Others will be able to see the spark that fuels your creations even if you feel your technical skills aren't exactly where you want them to be.

Putting it online: Don't rely on social media to be around forever. Being online since the 90s, I can tell you that it's been a long process of jumping from one sinking ship to the next. You want people to be able to reliably find you and your work.

I've know people whose layouts were destroyed when tumblr pushed an update. Creators had to scramble to make new sites for their webcomics when SmackJeeves suddenly went under. Who knows when the next billionaire or hedge fund will threaten the livelihoods of thousands for the sake of filling their already-bursting bank accounts?

If you know how to make your own website: look into Wordpress, which has several plug-ins that work with it, such ComicEasel and Toocheke, for making websites specifically for webcomics.

But if you don't know how to make your own website: use ComicFury. I've heard nothing but good things through the grapevine about how good it is and how passionate the owner is about webcomics. I've heard it's very easy to set up and I'm strongly considering making a Slightly Damned mirror on it myself.

What about Webtoon? Well… ymmv, I guess. They definitely have shady business practices and encourage unhealthy, overly demanding amounts of work from their creators. Their rating system was also another point of contention (I think ratings systems encourage a narrow-minded view of art), but they recently got rid of it, I think?

Other problems include limited control over comments section, no ability to flesh out your account with interesting side content for your comic, how much the site pushes people to jump from comic to comic, ads, content restrictions…

I do have friends who use Webtoon with the attitude of "being where the people are". That makes total sense to me. Ultimately, it's a decision you just have to make for yourself based on your values and comfort levels.

If you're a furry, then FurAffinity is a good place for your first archive. You can make (a) folder(s) for your comic, then set up navigation links in the description to help people read comic pages in order.

Places like tumblr and Bluesky are good for sharing stuff regularly, but they make terrible archives. Social media is very much about being "in the moment" and sharing new things regularly. It has its uses, but it's not the best for reading through a comic archive.

I'm not going to pretend that FA is perfect, but it is independently owned and anti-AI, and that's something to celebrate.

===

I feel like I could go on forever, but I hope that's a helpful start. If you or anyone else would like some more specific advice, shoot me a question in my inbox. It can be hard to know what to talk about when giving general advice because there is SO much talk about.

[lexchxn]

Small thought on probability and mechanics in TTRPGs.

When we play a TTRPG, every mechanic that involves a die roll is just a game of chance. Sometimes we're able to manipulate that chance to our favour, sometimes we're not.

I've seen aversion to the idea of "flat checks" to determine outcomes, and I myself have even had initial distaste for the OSR's attachment to using a d6 in such circumstances (usually calling for a 4+ or 5+)- but I think it's finally "clicked" in my mind, and I've come to appreciate the virtues of simplifying the mechanic as much as is reasonable.

Let's take an example from Pathfinder 2e, since it's a very math-heavy game (and likely what my audience is most familiar with): The creature building rules provide example ACs for monsters at levels -1 through 24, and while it does vary, generally the values are set such that a dedicated martial, fully investing in their ability to hit creatures, will have a baseline ~50% chance to hit. It's basically a flat check.

Now, we have to inspect and appreciate what nuances are allowed by a system before we can deconstruct it. Just because the values in Pathfinder tend towards a 50% success rate doesn't mean we can just start rolling d6s and hitting on a 4-6. With the example of Pathfinder, using a d20 gives us, well... 20 results. A wide spread of numbers that can then be meaningfully interacted with, as each point of bonus or penalty is worth a 5% statistical modification. Additionally, the +-10 critical success/failure system gives these points secondary values in modifying crit chances, and nat 1s/nat 20s a static 5% bump chance.

If we were to try to reduce the to-hit system down to a d6 then, what do we lose? Or more specifically, what changes? Well, modifiers either become much stronger and potentially much more necessary- each point is now worth 16% (over three times as much!), and depending on the game balance, a high modifier may now be necessary to even hit a creature. Critical results too lose something in this adaptation- maintaining the +-10 system makes modifiers the only way to reasonably achieve critical hits, and dumping it in favour of nat 1/nat 6 once again over triples the chances of a crit one way or the other.

In many important ways here, something quite important has been lost. Much agency and much nuance are jettisoned in favour of smaller numbers.

But let's take another look at Pathfinder now, and specifically its flat checks. Pathfinder has a variety of actions, effects, and miscellania that rely on the roll of a flat d20 to determine their results, usually at DCs 5, 11, and 15 (75%, 50%, 30%). As far as general play is concerned, these DCs don't shift and players don't get modifiers for them, so they function purely as statistical values. In this case, replacing them with a d6 system may in fact function fine. Setting the ranges to 3+, 4+, and 5+ (66%, 50%, 33%) results in nearly identical mathematics, and a functioning game system nonetheless. Flat checks, additionally, do not have critical successes, which leaves the other primary benefit of a d20 system out of the equation.

So why, then, does Pathfinder use a d20? I'm sure there are plenty of reasons. A d20 still has more manipulatable results, allowing for potential DC variance a d6 cannot emulate. A d20 is the primary chance die used elsewhere in the game system. A d20 is iconic.

But to circle back and round out my thoughts here, die rolls are, ultimately, nothing but chance. Without other systems interacting with (and creating results off of) their values, the method of delivery by which you achieve your chance is all but irrelevant. In such cases, what's most important is how easily one can access and adjudicate the levels of chance. A d20 with 5% per value might be quite intuitive to some, while others might prefer the more pie-like 16% of d6s. A 1 and a 20 are relatively rare on a d20, while a 1 and a 6 on a d6 are relatively common.

Always examine the tools you use, what they're doing for you, how they interact with your systems, and how you might be able to better achieve whatever goals you seek out at your tables. It makes for easier, better games.

[milkweedman]

Supported Spindles: A Beginner's Jumping Off Point

I'm trying to put together an easy mostly-video post of how to learn supported spinning for my partner, but of course am publishing it for everyone. It's starting from the context of having some drop spindle experience, so that's what I'm assuming for the purpose of this short guide. I'm including some text information for easier referencing as well.

First--you might ask "Why spin supported at all?" That's a fair question. It's not the tool for everybody, but it fills some niches that drop spindles (and any other tool) don't, so it may be what you're looking for without you even knowing it. If you're not familiar with the wide variety of spinning tools and methods that exist, you probably don't know a ton about supported spindles. They can have many shapes and sizes, but the one thing they all have in common is that they must be in a bowl (or a spinning spoon, or some other similar curved, smooth item) to spin.

Each method and tool of spinning is suited to one thing or another, and supported spinning is suited to the following:

1) thinner yarns. While it's entirely possible to spin fine yarns on drop spindles, wheels, or what have you, supported spindles are MADE for fine spinning, and largely cannot deal with spinning thicker yarns. This makes supported spinning great for people who want to spin for 3 or 4 ply sock yarns, lace (normal lace but also the truly fine lace like wedding ring shawls), etc. However, even if you don't tend to use thin yarns, there are larger supported spindles that can handle a thicker single, so the boundaries can vary a lot.

2) sitting down and/or being stationary. drop spindles are notable for being able to be used while walking or otherwise on the go, but supported spindles, since they must be in a bowl, are best used sitting, laying, or standing at a counter. I have read about them used walking via a spinning spoon tucked into the belt, but cannot attest to how practical that is myself. This makes supported spinning great for car/train/bus rides, waiting in line, watching tv, laying in bed, or anything like that.

3) small spaces. The most ergonomic way to spin supported is sitting comfortably cross legged or in a chair, with your elbows tucked in and your hands up. Your spinning is contained entirely to your lap, and (depending on your spinning style) you don't need to extend your arms out or do anything fancy. I've spun supported on a very cramped train without bothering the stranger sitting next to me all that much, which I've never been able to do with a drop spindle. For me this makes it much more suitable for public transit than drop spindles, but I think that comes down to how you use each tool rather than the tool itself.

4) low energy. Supported spinning doesn't take much energy, because you are doing very little moving (mostly your hands and forearms). It can be a great activity for when you're sick, or before bed when winding down. It's also worth trying if chronic illness or disability is stopping you from spinning on your other tools--I had to give up the drop spindle as my primary spinning tool because my shoulders are wrecked, and I can only treadle a spinning wheel on good days, but I can usually spin supported no matter what. (If supported isn't accessible for you, an espinner is your next best bet).

5) cool sound. Can't overstate this one. A wooden spindle in a wooden bowl sounds so good. Skip the metal or ball bearing tip if you want to hear it.

Without further ado, here's some videos I've compiled that covered things I thought were helpful. As a disclaimer, I seem to learn exclusively by doing things myself, so if these videos don't work for you, try looking up "supported spinning for beginner" or something similar. There are a lot of videos, and almost every single one has a different technique. Anyway, best first:

Video: Supported Spinning Tutorial by Lori Rhone (link)

Key things from this video:

get used to flicking the spindle without any fiber (just as you should with any spinning tool). try forming an O with your fingers to trap the spindle tip so it has something to fall against, flick as close to the tip as you can manage, etc.

they show a good variety of spinning bowls, especially objects that aren't intended to be spinning bowls (salt cellars, egg bowls, etc). if your spindle spins well in it, it's a spinning bowl. try out lots of stuff if you're having trouble finding a good one.

good posture and positioning--stay comfortable and keep your arms close to you, try to stop yourself from doing weird contortions, etc.

they discuss the importance of building a balanced cop, and show on another spindle how the cop they built maintains the general shape of the empty spindle. this isn't necessary, but it's good practice and certainly good to keep in mind. with drop spindles the added weight of the yarn is usually what determines a full spindle first, but with supported spindles the shape and size of the cop (or your own patience for spinning endless fine yarn) can be what does it instead.

+++

Video: The Basics of Supported Spindle by Amy King (link)

Key things from this video:

the variety of different shapes of supported spindles (there are even more shapes than what they've shown as well)

that you need to pair spindles and bowls--they don't all work with each other equally well or at all (purple--don't worry, I tested the spindle with the bowl I sent you, they like each other)

another method to park and draft on supported spindles, which is essentially the same as on drop spindles

their sweater is fantastic

+++

Video: Supported Spindles--a few tips for beginners by Nikolai Meriadoc (link)

Key things from this video:

if you have a good bowl to spin in but it's unstable, try putting it in another bowl or nestled in a blanket or something else. this can stabilize it a lot.

pre-drafting very finely can help. i forgot to go into it in the video but multiple passes where you go finer each time is usually the way to go if starting from roving or another commercial prep, in my opinion. you could also diz your fiber if you're going for a more worsted prep.

picking a fine fiber like merino, bfl, rambouillet, etc. can help you draft finer as well.

the angle at which you hold your fiber/yarn is important. it should be almost vertical while spinning, and horizontal while winding on.

+++

Hopefully that can get you all started ! There are also articles on the subject although I didn't include any as they weren't relevant for who I'm making this for, so be sure to look into them if that's something that would be helpful for you.

And remember:

This post isn't for radfems. It was made by and for trans people who love men <3

[astroboyanalysis]

9. Robot Land

Hello again. I still don't know how frequent these will be but I have not abandoned this, I just had a big preparation for a performance assessment that took a long time.

Ochanomizu so sillies for this visual gag. Actually, there have been a lot of visual gags I didn't note, like Ochanomizu and Dr. Haido licking each other while greeting. Y'know, normal stuff.

It's interesting that Atom got as far as the room of monsters to have this qualm, although he did seem a little preoccupied before this point

I assume by "suffer" he does not mean directly Feel Pain, rather that they won't be able to live a normal life. We saw that he mentioned something similar in the plant people liveblog. It's very possible it's just me, but this seems like an outdated sentiment that would easily be co-opted into euthanasia, although obviously that was not Tezuka's intent.

He's right, but it's tricky.

When we think of robots in Astro Boy, a lot of the time they're very locked into the thing they were made for. A plumber robot will plumb, a doctor robot will practice medicine, a robot meant to act a role will act that role. The two roles I just mentioned were necessary for society, and generally those robots are shaped in a way that would let them live a normal life outside of their job.

These robots are functionally actors, but they're actors of a single role. It isn't really that they're created for an express purpose that's a problem, it's that that purpose isn't really necessary. A consciousness is being brought into the world for amusement only, and many of them are stuck in those shapes of monsters or trees that are alive or whatever.

But here we run into an issue that is common in Astro Boy, even newer Astro Boy up to 2003 (I am not as familiar with things like Atom: The Beginning), and it's that everything that has new technology in it must be a sentient robot. A major part of me thinks this is kind of silly - What is the point of putting a consciousness into a car? The car is still following your orders. The car could just as well be operated by a robot that can exit the car and live normally outside of the car, or remotely piloted by an AI as more of a tool than its own living (ish) thing. What is the point of putting a consciousness into what is functionally a puppet for children's entertainment, when this could be controlled by a "puppet master" AI somewhere and save a ton on computers and parts.

(TANGENT: Alternatively, what's the point that a robot deserves rights? If I make a robotic bug, and its sentience is very similar to that of a real bug - It seeks out dark places, it may be a little curious about if something is desirable to it or if its a foe, and that's about it- Is that bug a sentient robot? Is the role of a bug not worthwhile for a robot if that robot isn't aware of any further parts of life, and can't be by the limitations of its hardware? What if I extend it up to a robotic cat or dog? It can be clever, it can make decisions independently, it can want and it can probably, to some extent, love. Is that cruel? Why is this admittedly silly fairy-tale ecosystem not composed of a variety of levels of sentience instead of a bunch of robots capable of understanding what they don't have, that are actors playing a role instead of the role itself? Where does sentience start and end? This is a question Astro Boy doesn't evaluate, as far as I remember. But an automated traffic light is taking in information and making "decisions" based on that information. Is it a robot (in Astro Boy's definition, which is more like "AI" or "sentient")? Okay, I'm ending the tangent here.)

So, there's the major part of me that thinks everything being a robot is silly. And then there's a part of me that sees what we're doing with "AI" right now and modern technology in general (I don't think it's actually AI, by my own definition, anyway. It is not thinking, and we don't expect it to. Society's goal with current AI is not anything independent, but rather seems to be to automate jobs that people do not want to pay humans for.) and it looks pretty similar. Why does this app need AI? Why does this refrigerator need wifi to function? The answer is, they really don't. We toss extra "new" things into them so that they're more appealing as purchases, so they seem more Modern.

I suppose, to some extent, we can read this story similarly, although the issue of sentience and consciousness being involved makes it very different.

But basically. It's a silly story, it has that same silly issue a lot of Astro Boy has where everything is a robot (although in this case it's being brought into question - it just doesn't work for me because I know of many instances where it is NOT brought into question), and a much more effective way to accomplish the idea of a theme park like this would be to have individual "puppet" animatronics that are all operated by a "puppet master" AI that is located elsewhere in the park (and the part of me that likes more horror-based takes on Astro Boy likes that idea too, hehe)

Well this just seems like it might make for an unfriendly work environment full of hierarchies, doesn't it? That doesn't bode well for the theme park that's already been framed as amoral, huh?

wow yea this guys fucking wild. "kinda hard" might be an understatement though he immediately put his hands on Atom for, uh. Unclear what he did wrong actually. Saying his name too firmly, maybe?

Atom I need you to focus. That is not the most important question right now.

I can't help but think there are less cruel ways to do this.

It's a product of its time, I think, that the law and ownership are seen as so fundamental that they aren't questioned at all. Personally, I really dislike seeing Ochanomizu presented this way instead of as an idealist who does what's right, not someone so preoccupied with the law that he tells Atom, who is crying at the cruelty on display, to hurry it up and go get that woman who came to him begging for safety, and hand her right back to the robot that was terrorizing her. Also, silly little gag with Ochanomizu's nose getting bigger. Hehe awesome.

This confirms, to me, that property laws are stronger than robotic rights laws in the setting. Atom directly says they were torturing her, that she's alive, and Ochanomizu does not deny any of that, but continues to press that she is property, and Atom "stole" her, even though she independently ran away and came to him.

At the very least, I can appreciate that Atom's dad gives an "I know how you feel, but there's nothing we can do." I suppose part of Ochanomizu's transition into a more paternal character is tied with the transition away from giving Atom a nuclear family (heh. get it.) to begin with - That gentle parenting is the current norm helps too.

The manga doesn't seem to acknowledge this, but isn't this also theft by the same definition? Atom willingly went into Robot Land and they have him and they haven't given him back. This is precisely what happened with Princess Odette in reverse, but Ochanomizu doesn't bring up any argument about that (Atom) being his property.

He did do that. That was like, the main thing he came there to do.

Well, to be fair, your "property" also snuck onto someone else's property and smashed things and we thought nothing of it.

Anyway, more legality here: Ochanomizu seems scared that jail time is a real outcome, although I'm not sure if he's scared for himself or for Atom. If he's scared for himself, that tells us that a robot's actions are the express responsibility of their owner, or of their creator (I imagine the owner first and if the owner pushes the legality up the chain it goes to the creator or the manufacturer or distributor). If he's scared for Atom, it indicates that property can be tried as a human and given jail time, which sounds not very correct. So I think Ochanomizu is the one being threatened here, really. I still believe in 2003's (I can't recall if it comes up in Astro Boy media before the finale episodes of 2003) concept that if a flaw is found with a robot that causes it to commit a crime (in the case of 2003, harming a human, which makes more sense to be treated so harshly) it would be decommissioned and destroyed, and if the flaw is significant enough, all robots of that design would be decommissioned and destroyed.

Yeah this is kind of how my students are.

You simply hate to see it.

That is actually the end of Omnibus 1, so we're finally making some progress! As a reminder, there are 7 Dark Horse Omnibuses. Omnibus 2 has 300 pages of "Once Upon A Time" which is some of my favorite content from the original run of Astro Boy.

Sorry, again, for how long the gap was there. I can't promise it'll never happen again. We come back next time with Ivan the Fool!

[seyaryminamoto]

I'm just thinking about what you've said in the past about Zuko's morals in The Southern Raiders and what bugs me the most is that Zuko could have easily been Yon Rha. Yon Rha's big sin, as far as Zuko knows when he makes his proposal (before Katara tells him the whole story), was raiding the Southern Water Tribe in a manner which lead to someone's death, and Zuko raided both Kyoshi Island and the Southern Water Tribe. Zuko would be an acceptable target for vengeance under his own standards.

:'D very fair point of view, Anon. I've always focused on another angle with this particular problem, namely the fact that Zuko's traumatic Agni Kai happens because he was trying to defend soldiers from being used as bait, slain in battle as though their lives were meaningless... and then he's offering Katara his assistance with killing a soldier if that's the only way to become her friend. There's such a profound incompatibility between both ideas, such a massive rift in reasoning, that I can't help but wonder if Ozai, intentionally or not, actually taught Zuko through their Agni Kai that the lives of their people aren't worth anything after all.

In general, that episode's plot is just... very questionable. I understand these kids are jaded, they've seen pleeenty of ugly stuff and even done some ugly stuff themselves, but the core of the problem with Zuko, back in the day, was that his violent pursuit of the Avatar caused lots of trouble and nobody liked him because he was being a selfish ass who wanted to fulfill the Fire Lord's orders at all costs :'D so... as blind as Katara may be over anything to do with Kya, it baffles me that neither Sokka nor Aang would step up to tell Zuko that this sort of ridiculous reasoning, impulsive behavior and willingness to resort to violence is EXACTLY what made him an asshole during the months he chased them, and that changing sides without changing those violent impulses doesn't amount to jackshit. I'd honestly prefer it if Katara were the one to tell him as much, because then she'd have the bonus of telling Zuko: "That's funny, because this sort of BS is precisely why I can't trust you!" and Zuko would be at an even bigger loss than before :'D but of course, when emotions are involved, Katara loses sight of reality and common sense, it's true...

Looking at it the way you do, just imagine if Yon Rha had told Katara "Oh. Sorry. Nice to see you again!" the way Zuko does with Suki :'D I'm pretty sure she would've actually killed the guy without even hesitating.

It's not to say that Zuko has objectively murdered anyone with the particular cruelty Yon Rha killed Kya: as far as we know, he didn't. We do know, however, that he's imprisoned people in nightmarish conditions (something even his sister cannot be said to have done), as he does in LOK, conditions bad enough that one of those prisoners (who, arguably, wasn't in the worst of conditions) said he'd rather die than return to that imprisonment. So, however "deserved" the Red Lotus's imprisonment might have been, dehydrating a waterbender and freezing a firebender for well over a decade sounds like one hell of an act of cruelty, which says he's perfectly capable of cruelty, all the same as Yon Rha was, and Zuko can't even say he's following someone's orders: he's the one who chooses to do this, plain and simple. So cruelty is NOT beyond Zuko. He can be harsh and nasty whenever it suits him. Despite what he'd have the audience believe, he isn't truly the poster child of peace and kindness :')

As you've said, Zuko caused lots of damage with his careless actions back in Book 1, actions that could have certainly cost lives if this show had been written to be grittier and darker than it was.

As a careless, casual example, here's the typical, boring old trope of "there's a kid in danger and the hero swoops in to save them!" (and there's poor Sokka on the background too ;_;). That ship just comes into shore, breaks all the ice it cares to, and it could have cost at least the two lives of those in the scene here (and who knows how many more that we aren't seeing). Is this not the same as attacking someone deliberately, with killer intent? Sure, it's not, but the ultimate outcome would be the same: someone's died, and it's your fault. And if you're a good person, you would feel bad about it. In fact, you might not even be able to think of yourself as a good person if anyone's death can be pinned on you.

Again, we don't know for sure that his actions cost any lives, but that they could have speaks for itself. That he was once part of the Fire Nation killer machine, that he was a tool to his father (even if not one he particularly cared for), should have made him all the more willing to understand that soldiers are as brainwashed as he was. No, this isn't to defend Yon Rha by any means, he was indeed a piece of shit... but Zuko doesn't even wait to meet him to confirm this. He's ready to help Katara kill a guy who, for all he knows, could have spent his whole life repenting for his actions (yes, we know that's not the case, but if the show had wanted to give us more nuance in the Fire Nation army, it could have been). Zuko doesn't even hesitate, and he even eggs on Katara until she finally decides she's not going to do it -- then he proceeds to badger Aang non-stop about how he MUST kill Ozai, funny how that goes. Which allows the interpretation that Zuko didn't learn anything at all from the Southern Raiders adventure.

In the end, if Zuko's actions cost any lives whatsoever (like, I don't know, maybe lives of the people whose food he stole in the Earth Kingdom (: what, me still being salty about this in the year of 2021? Noooo waaaaay...), you're quite right to say that it'd be fine, as far as his own philosophies are concerned, for Zuko to be executed by the injured party. It'd only be fair, right? Yet I guess that's the beauty of Zuko being Zuko: fairness isn't part of it. Justice? I don't think he's actually familiar with the concept. His sister made lots of mistakes, same as he did, but has he attempted to help her find her way, same as he was helped? Has he given her another chance? The answer is nope. Chit Sang is a convicted murderer who claims he didn't do the crime he was put in jail for: Zuko doesn't even bother asking any questions about who he is, or trying to get to the bottom of this problem. He's fine with getting the guy out of prison without first confirming whether his story checks out or not. Even back in The Blue Spirit, when he was "under" Ozai's thumb, and Ozai's priorities should have been his own, he decides that it's more important for him to capture Aang himself, and somehow the show spins that situation into "hey, Zuko's not that bad :>" when... everyone knows he's not setting him free out of any selflessness on his part, in fact, it's the entire opposite.

So yeah, more sketchy Zuko things that remain unresolved, unaddressed and go ignored all the time. Again, things that don't make much sense with the character he's supposed to be. And as usual, it's stuff we're supposed to shrug off or make a thousand excuses for in order to always find a way to see Zuko as a perfectly good person, when, as I've said before, being good takes efforts Zuko often didn't bother making, not before his "change of heart", not afterwards either.

[the-bjd-community-confess]

3D printing (will not be) lowering the cost of BJDs, if made available to print at home

To the anon about 3D printing and everyone else intersted in this matter, here a few points: a) yes, 3D printing will help severally improving the hobby - it already is. It's helping artists bring their ideas to life, especially ones that have a hard time working with the traditional medium to sculpt. b) I tried 3D scanning an MSD sized doll last week at a friend's workplace out of interest - they are too small to give a useable result.

Perhaps there are high quality scanners already capable of scanning details on such a small scale, but those are not that easy to get as of now. c) Resinsoul can sell at a lower price due to their location. Wages are significant different over there and they are kind of located in a country that 'sits at the source' of resources required, thus able to buy them at a cheaper price. Anyone located elsewhere, who are not feeling comfortable to outsource the casting to an asian land will pay much higher production costs due higher wages and higher material costs (import taxes, transport etc.).

d) I'll say this slowly, because apparently it has not been said often enough: With the exception of perhaps Volks and a certain recaster: There. ARE. NO. L A R G E R. COMPANIES. when it comes to BJD. Even those who have been around for 10+ years tend to be a small team, often even singular artists or two, at most around 10, if they are lucky. Look it up, the info has been provided time and time again by various ones. Stop thinking that each 'company' is a 50+ people factory.

e) Your argument of 3D printing making dolls available to more people and cheaper is - sorry the expression - absolute and utter bullshit. I can tell you aren't actually familiar with 3D printing and what it involves. For one, there are several types and materials and each one currently on the market that provides decent quality is already the cost of a less expensive brand (and those can print MSD sized parts at best and will take around 8 runs to get all parts printed at average, each which will likely take a day to finish printing, if you want to have a mostly smooth surface and less work after).

There are of course larger machines, but their price is higher as well. And that doesn't include the cost of electricty or materials yet. (Protection mask against fumes, gloves for handling, sanding and other tools for finishing - just to name a few.) Each of them requires a different type of file, which the maker of the 3D file might not even be albe to provide and a different type of preparation and different after care. The learning curve can be very hard depending on how quickly you take to it and you can end up with a lot of failures. Nevermind the amount of time it eats to figure out what went wrong and why and then needing to set it up all over again and give it another try.

You also need space in a well-ventilated area due to the fumes, noise and depending on what printer you go for. You also need a constant, steady energy source and most need a regular temperature around 15-21 degrees (minimum). Otherwise? Thanks for your hard work, wasted time and material, have fun starting over again, because the likelyhood for this to become a failure print is... very high. And NONE of them, not even resin printers, are on par with resin cast ones in terms of quality when it comes to the end result. If you got money to spare, go a head and buy one and see how it handles for example being dipped into a hot water dye bath.

Most common tools used to remove face-ups also tend to damage the material's surface. If it hasn't been properly cured it should be pointed that it's like slow poison. Worth it for a doll? Personally, I think not. I'm aware some people might just be happy with that kind of quality, perhaps won't even bother with sanding, but let me say it clearly again: Beginners who find it hard to afford e.g. a 300$ doll will not be helped at all with the existence and avaibility of 3D printers due the cost of aquiring a printer. And if you outsource the printing to one of the many services avaible by now? Well... You MAY end up saving... what? 50$? perhaps?

And that's likely to exclude shipping the prints to you and then still need to invest in sanding tools for the finishing if that is not included in the service and depending on what material/printing type you choose. (And needing to buy s-hooks and strings, silicon kips if you want those) I'm not saying 3D printing isn't awesome. I just think that your imagination how it can make BJDs more affordable and accessable is unfortunately far from the reality. This is not meant to discourage anyone from trying to learn it, because being able to sculpt and print even small accessoires for your dolls is A M A Z I N G, okay? But I don't feel comfortable putting this out there as a way to 'save money'.

As for your example with music: Sorry, but comparing something that needs a physical shape to work with something that does not, does not work at all. An artist can make music and distribute it digitally because it is 'sound'. The production happens once and that's all that is needed to make people able to enjoy it. If BJDs could be shared that way, everyone would be able happy just playing with some 3D models and putting digital clothes and styling onto them - like the game The Sims.

Most hobbyists however actually want a doll they can touch and this means production in a physical sense has to happen and that means production costs - least. Remember the artist put a lot of effort into this doll and deserves to be paid for that too? So you'd end up with needing to pay for: The file. The printer. The material. Tools. Electricty to keep the printer going. A PC to prepare the files for the printer unless they happen to come pre-prepared for the printer you have. At this point the initial costs would already likely be more than purchasing a cast doll.

In the long run? Yes, perhaps you'd end up saving, if you can make it work, but it would still require a large investation and dedication first. As for your ideal for this to make bjds cheaper? Not going to work unless you go for mass production and selling at only your production cost and shipping to those less fortunate, thus cheating the creator/artist out of the money for their work unless you or the buyer actually by the file each time. Which would result in higher costs again and go back to the original point, where you'd be close to the price of just buying a cast BJD, saving perhaps only on the shipping time.

~Anonymous

[veliseraptor]

So this is in NO WAY PRESSURING, get to this whenever you're bored and have nothing better to do, but I (have still not watched The Untamed) would love to hear any disorganized rambles around your fic 'Punitive Measures', like your thoughts while writing it, how you view Xue Yang's fight/flight/freeze instinct, and/or where you would take the plot if you ever came back to it (again, not pressuring, I'm not asking for a sequel, I'm asking for director's commentary. Also I know the mysterious flute was implying Wei Wuxian, I know that much and not much more.) It's a really fun, quick fic that I enjoy reading through while I keep circling around your longer, more intimidating stories. I aspire to write like you.

oh boy, well, I don't know that I ever have nothing to do but here I am answering this ask anyway, because I like talking about my fic even if I get self-conscious about it.

this entire fic falls solidly into the genre of fic I write that is legitimately just “I’m gonna fuck up this character I love because it’ll be fun and I love to do that” and then just kinda...went for it. actually harder than I was initially planning! my vague sense of what I was going to do with this fic didn’t have Xue Yang down an eye at the end of it.

but when inspiration strikes, what’s a girl to do, etc.

I actually thought recently about writing a sequel to this fic (or, well, continuing into the AU it started, more like) because the concept of Wei Wuxian and Xue Yang being bloodthirsty vengeance brethren is a very good one for me, personally, and at the point their paths would be intersecting in this AU a more plausible one than it would be at pretty much any other time (I would argue, at least in CQLverse). And that’s where I think this would be going. Because Xue Yang would see Wei Wuxian, in his bloodiest frame of mind, powered up with a gorgeous flute of bad vibes and go “fuck yes” even if he wasn’t in a place where he really needed the help.

The question I had was whether Wei Wuxian would be interested in accepting company, and I feel like Xue Yang on that front could be convincing. And the way that the latter would both enable and egg on all the former’s darkest fantasies and impulses...I’m just saying, Wen Chao and everyone he has ever known is in for a very bad time, possibly even worse than they already were.

I invite you to picture in this AU the part where Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji find not just darker and edgier Wei Wuxian at the end of their scavenger hunt but darker and edgier Wei Wuxian with a friend. A familiar friend! Now down an eye and practically picking his teeth with Wen Chao’s finger bones. :D

since you asked for disorganized rambling I went back to reread and I’ll give you some director’s commentary on a few things

And he’d kind of hoped Wen Ruohan would be too busy figuring out how to deal with his brewing war to dedicate much attention to looking for one absent retainer. And even if he did, Xue Yang had sort of figured that finding him would fall to Wen Chao, who’d probably struggle to find his own ass with two hands.

kicking off this director’s commentary with Xue Yang’s brutal assessment of the competency of Wen Chao.

tbh one of my favorite things about CQL’s involving Xue Yang in the whole Sunshot storyline, despite the merry hell it plays with timeline stuff later, is how obviously little regard Xue Yang has for the Wens, even when they’re at the height of their power. He shows Wen Ruohan himself very little respect, and I can’t imagine anyone else getting more (except maybe Wen Qing, because Wen Qing is competent and if nothing else Xue Yang can respect competency).

and he just like. ditches them. walks out! promises to deliver very powerful magical artifact, and then gets what he wants and is like “smell ya later, peace” and they never catch him.

that’s just a kind of gutsiness and casual disregard for very powerful people that I really both love and respect about Xue Yang. and also that he has in common with Xiao Xingchen, tbh. and Song Lan (though him I think to a slightly lesser degree, partly because he has a little more tact and sense of societal norms as something relevant to be thinking about)! they can all vibe on that.

They took Jiangzai. Well. One of the Wen disciples took Jiangzai in the stomach and Xue Yang didn’t get it back.

this isn’t an important line or anything. I just like it a lot.

Wen Chao gestured again and he went down in a hail of fists and feet. Xue Yang tucked his chin down to protect his throat, curled his hands into his chest, and drew up his knees to guard his stomach.

He knew how this worked. Sure, it’d been a while since someone had beat him like this, but the lessons stuck. It was almost boring, really. If Wen Chao was going to play torture games then he could at least do Xue Yang the favor of trying to be creative.

He checked out the part of his brain that registered pain as anything other than a thing that was happening and focused instead on opportunities. Weaknesses in his assailants. Escape routes. Getting away would be the first thing. Nice if he could take a piece of Wen Chao with him on the way out - arm, or maybe even a head - but the priority was freedom and survival.

okay, this I feel like cuts into some of what you were talking about regarding Xue Yang’s fight/flight instinct, and also a lot of what if, I was feeling pretentious, I feel like this fic is digging into on a level under “what if I just tortured Xue Yang a whole bunch,” which is something about the relationship Xue Yang has to (a) pain and (b) his own body. Specifically, the relative indifference he has toward both. Or...not indifference, exactly, because it’s not like he’s enjoying himself, it still hurts. It’s just...expected.

unremarkable.

which is a lot of what I was trying to convey with Xue Yang’s narration during the whole torture sequence, with the commentary on methodology and how things are mundane or boring, because the suffering itself is mundane! as far as Xue Yang is concerned that’s exactly what suffering is! other peoples’, for sure, which is part of why it doesn’t matter, but also his own.

the world hurts and that’s just how it is and you learn how to cope with that. pain as...a thing that [is] happening.

I also, since you mentioned the fight/flight instinct, think a lot about how Xue Yang is, while he’s very proud and very stubborn, absolutely not someone to pick fights (in general) that he knows he can’t win. Xue Yang will almost always be on the side of “run and come back another day” over “stand and fight when all is lost.” survival, first and foremost.

which feeds into the weird paradox that I kind of hint toward at the end of this fic about Xue Yang as someone who has a definite death drive, who is profoundly obsessed with his own death in a lot of ways, and simultaneously is attached to staying alive above pretty much all else.

“Snap and snarl all you want,” he said. “You’re not going anywhere. And the only part of you I need intact is your tongue, so you can tell me where you hid the Yin Metal you promised. Everything else is optional.”

A prickle of fear rolled down Xue Yang’s spine and he flicked it away, baring his teeth.

I actually do think that, even before they get around to hand-specific trauma, permanent mutilation is one of those things that still scares Xue Yang. which is a short list! there isn’t much that actually either gets to or scares him, but I think the prospect of (further) mutilation does, because I think Xue Yang is very...acutely aware of the fact that his physical capability is a major factor in what has kept him alive and what, in all likelihood, is going to keep him alive moving forward. anything that threatens that capability, that limits him in terms of strength or mobility or otherwise has a disabling effect, is consequently going to be a short road to death, and Xue Yang would much rather die painfully fighting than die as a consequence of not being able to take care of himself.

for Xue Yang, the idea of a return to the kind of helplessness that is tied to his trauma is one of the worst possible prospects to contemplate. in my head this is exacerbated further by the fact that I figure Xue Yang didn’t get much if any medical care post hand incident, meaning that the recovery period was absolutely nightmarish and a whole stretch of time beyond the event itself where Xue Yang was struggling to survive because he’d been damaged.

in some ways I think that period of time probably did more to shape Xue Yang than the moment itself.

Wen Chao grabbed one of the branding irons from a disciple’s belt and pressed it to his stomach. That hurt. More. He clamped his back teeth together so he didn’t make any sound, absorbed the burn, owned it. His. You only hurt if you were alive. And anything you survived made you stronger.

Not that this was actually going to make him stronger. It was probably just going to make him dead. But then again, the worse this went the more resentment he’d have built up. He could use that. Would.

Dead didn’t have to mean finished.

obviously this is pulled almost direct from what Wei Wuxian himself says to Wen Chao. deliberate echoes based on character parallels! we love those.

and yeah, again here about Xue Yang and his relationship to pain, but in a less mundane way this time where it’s about pain as a tool, pain as something he can use. which is another thing about coping, I think - when pain and suffering are a regular part of your life, one way to deal with that can be to convert it into having some kind of purpose or benefit.

which in this case it definitely can. Xue Yang is definitely someone who, I think, has thought a lot about trying to arrange it so he becomes a ghost after he dies. or at least has thought a lot about what he’d do after dying to the person who killed him. 

and when you’re a necromancer by trade death really isn’t the end of the line anymore, just the start of a something new. Xue Yang’s relationship to life itself: about as jacked up as his relationships in general.

He felt the snap of bone in his teeth. Pain shooting up the side of his hand, all the way to his wrist, and Xue Yang couldn’t keep himself still enough not to try to wrench himself away. He swallowed his scream and turned it into a laugh. It was funny, wasn’t it? Funny, that he was back here, again. It wasn’t as bad, though. He knew how to take pain, how to breathe it in, make it part of himself, later turn it outwards magnified tenfold. They were old friends. Practically lovers. 

two things here:

1. the thread throughout this fic of Xue Yang making things funny so he can deal with them, here brought to you by reliving trauma! because it’s funny! right? laugh about it! just fucking hilarious.

I have a thing about characters basically deciding for themselves to make very unfunny situations funny because it makes them less awful.

2. and look, now he can deal with it better this time! he’s Learned. :) :) :)

Everything splintered. Splintered like bones under a wheel, and first thing he tried to struggle to get away but that just hurt worse and then old old old instincts kicked in and he went still, limp, dead.

“Did he faint?”

Someone nudged him with their foot. One part of him roared to grab that foot and rip it off along with the leg it was attached to. Immediately the same thing that’d made him play dead told him to wait.

at an end point where fighting is impossible and running is also impossible, the only thing left to do is play dead and wait it out. this is very much, in my head, a reversion to a tactic Xue Yang hasn’t used in a very long time and does not want to be using now, because it is absolutely the recourse of the extraordinarily helpless with no way out.

which he has been! and is now, but he really really really doesn’t want to be. Xue Yang has built his life around not being that, ever again.

but here it’s not a move he makes planning to turn it around the way he does, not at first. he gets there, but when he first does it I think it is literally just instinct that goes enough is enough and shuts down.

Wen Chao, Wen Chao, Xue Yang thought. My body’s going to give out before I do.

someone should remind me at some point maybe (or not) to write something coherent about my Xue Yang vs. his own body thoughts. specifically the way that, while Xue Yang is very physical and very grounded, I think he has a somewhat antagonistic relationship with his own body, actually. not completely! he definitely respects what it can do for him! but I think he also treats it a little as a slightly separate entity that’s capable of betraying him rather than as a fully integrated part of himself.

not always! but it’s a little bit there. this idea that sometimes his body, and its capacity to be hurt or damaged, is a weakness that he’d like to be able to forgo entirely, if only it wouldn’t mean losing all the good things about having a body. and that’s present here in this line, for me, where he thinks about himself and his body as slightly separate, and his body as something weaker than its Xue Yang core.

[molecularhomosexual]

wanted to add some thoughts on this thread. i've seen a lot of responses from professors and educators who care quite a bit for their students and create space for them to be able to put effort toward understanding things--and this latter perspective synergizes with being against using AI for essays at school. i wanted to add some more thoughts onto this with the context of: getting to work in teaching and learning shops at universities, i've found a huge variance between the care and patience that professors have for their students with essay-style assignments.

higher ed seems to be becoming quite interested in checking for ai-based plagiarism in essays (might be happening in k12 spaces too, i'm just not familiar with it as much). turnitin, the company that does the whole plagiarism checking software for schools and colleges, now has an ai detection tool that clients can purchase (that also, in our testing, pulls up far more false positives and false negatives than what they advertise to clients). the company always publicly claims that the turnitin similarity checker (this is the main "plagiarism detection" tool) is not exactly a watertight tool, it is a tool that can help with starting conversations about academic integrity with students, and it needs to be paired with instructor expertise on the topic. this ends up conflicting with a common-enough attitude among some faculty that turnitin is getting a perfect match on whether a student has plagiarized or not. combine this move in higher ed with:

depending on how a course is run, the fact of activities being graded in those courses can add a great deal of pressure on students that may not be conducive to learning. i think Jesse Stommel has some compelling stuff to say here through his concept of ungrading: he notes how grading systems have become increasingly comparative and numerical over time, he notes that grades in and of themselves aren't great incentives for learning or the best indicators of feedback in learning, grade-based education tends to favor (or at least be more amenable to) the banking model of education over critical pedagogy--and he backs this up with in-class experiments and experience. i've noticed that creative writing programs have often been at the forefront of finding alternatives to grading systems that are more supportive for their students (Asao Inoue talks about labor-based grading contracts as more equitable than grading systems that connect grades to an evaluation of quality, though I do think even this system could cut out the grading component altogether and still retain its interventional value).

these two points can lead to the following: students often have to do two tasks in an essay being graded: a) write an essay in and of itself, with its intent of critical thinking, effort, analysis; and b) get a good grade, because regardless of the actual material efficacy of grades in getting future work outside of the university (this will cash out differently sometimes based on the field you're working in as well), there will be students who feel a pressure to get good grades (for a variety of reasons). multiply one essay in a course with taking 4 or 5 more classes (common in undergrad) and working a job at the same time (common at my alma mater at the very least), and we're creating a recipe for students to feel absolutely unsupported in the academic environment to actually work on practicing analysis without additional outside pressure.

i think the current conditions across a lot of academia help create conditions for students to use cheating as a strategy to get a better grade: "i can either put all the extra work in to doing this right and possibly get a bad grade anyway, depending on how my professor is deciding to grade the quality of essays; or given that i have a shift to run to after this and family to take care of at home, i can see if there's a quicker solution to take, even if that could also have a risk of ruining my grade. what's worth it, to me?" and in response to this, academic integrity offices will start wondering how to discourage students from cheating, and in happy and hawkish response, academic integrity software companies can get new product contracts on their ai detection tools, that instructors, in their variance of usage of plagiarism tools, can use to either have conversations with students about work in the best case scenario, or punish students through grading them poorly in the worst.

i dunno. i am a philosopher at the end of the day--in my experience with the kind of writing philosophy demands, i don't think that AI writing passes muster in the first place (i imagine this is the case with... most any field that involves any amount of creative writing). but i just want to keep in mind that in my experience working at the university space, for every professor who is genuinely interested in their students' learning and who does everything within their capacity to set them up for success, there is a professor who, regardless of interest, generates a great deal of distress for their students by dispensing with punitive measures in the learning space.

i think that this is likely a reason why some teaching and learning shops have tended to build guidelines for how to use or discuss AI writing with students instead of recommending faculty to discourage its use by students altogether: even though i think a shop should ideally be able to recommend the latter, that doesn't do a lot for the reactionary portion of a faculty community who will consider the shop backwards for making such a recommendation, then continue on with teaching practices that are harmful to students' learning and well-being. (i think the defensive position also comes from not having any deciding power over the business contracts for AI software happening with leadership doing kingdom-building far away from the rest of us [unionize, anyone?], where if there's an evaluation that there's nothing the institution can do to prevent AI usage, then it makes sense to have a damage mitigation strategy to do the least harm to students as possible).

i would have been lucky to have any of the teachers on this thread as my own when i was going through undergrad. unfortunately, what i faced far more were instructors who didn't care very much--either from being tenure-track researchers who weren't particularly committed to teaching, or from (understandably) reacting against being overworked adjunct lecturers who didn't have the capacity to care as much as they should have. what i faced in undergrad quite a bit, barring some notable exceptions here and there, were instructors who didn't care anyway whether i could think critically about something or put effort into writing about a certain perspective. what i faced in undergrad, primarily so, were instructors who were just checking if i could say the correct thing back to them in the correct way--and instructors who would punish me or my peers for failing to do this, no matter how much work they put into an assignment.

if universities as an institution want students to not use AI for essays (something that i'm generally aligned with), they need to give adequate resources to faculty and students alike to be able to focus on essays without fear of academic punishment and without generated lack of capacity from overwork. (but of course, universities is an abstraction here--faculty/staff unions and student worker unions do push for those resources, because university leadership isn't otherwise interested in granting them, because it's not particularly profitable to care about the conditions of learning.)

[tsuisou-no-despair]

Higurashi TEN (Role Swap AU) - 34 Random Facts

Well, I'm slightly stuck with the question arcs, so instead I'm just going to write up and throw out a whole bundle of random facts about the world, its characters, and things that have or could happen. Hopefully this will lead to something clicking into place for me, and hopefully you'll like it, too.

Kei, Reina, and Mion still use a bat, nata, and taser, respectively, as their main weapons, though Mion's been forbidden from using the taser by Oryou. Hanyuu uses the ritual hoe and swords in about equal measure. Miyoko uses whatever's on hand to frightening effect.

Shion thrives at St. Lucia; however, she is pulled out of the school by her family after Oryou decides that Mion's twin would be better utilized if she was right on hand...

Miyoko does the Joseph Joestar "your next line is..." thing, which almost always works like a charm. (It doesn't work on Satoko or Bernkastel, but the former plays along when she's not in the black outfit)

Hanyuu's horns aren't initially broken, but by the end of the series, they have their signature crack.

Tomitake is a much more common sight in Hinamizawa than he was in the original universe, being a resident of Okinomiya who frequently visits. He's also quite well-liked, mostly because he's there to fix just about anything that breaks.

Rumiko was the original user of Rena's signature nata, as well as the person who first converted the van in the dump into a hiding place.

Satoko finds the contents of the Saiguiden fascinating but ultimately disappointing; she expected something more directly tied to Hinamizawa Syndrome's origins.

Irie almost always manages to get clear of Hinamizawa before Emergency Procedure #3105 is executed; however, he's usually dead in under 24 hours due to his escape catching Tokyo's attention.

Both Ooishi and Akasaka are hated by the Sonozaki family but the former much more so, to the point where Ooishi schedules his visits to Okinomiya when the Sonozakis will be looking elsewhere, such as on festival nights.

Rina targets Kei's dad in the loops where she doesn't die. Kei's mom does not take it well - to the point where she goes L5, in some cases.

Mion's "feelings" for Satoshi are primarily a result of Satoshi being just that nice and caring and good-hearted. It helps that she's enamored with a saintly image of him that's only grown more pure since his absence.

When Miyoko bothers to start telling people about how she's lost in time loops, their reactions are mostly in the vein of "oh, that explains so much".

Bernkastel can be heard by people who are deep in the throes of Hinamizawa Syndrome; naturally, she uses this to fuck with people for kicks.

Okonogi takes the role of the clinic's head after Satoko dies/disappears. He's regarded exclusively with suspicion - if he wasn't only filling the role until the GHD triggers, he'd probably get run out of town within a month.

Rumiko regularly made Miyoko curry after learning that Teppei and Tamae were denying her food; this led to Rumiko taking her curry very seriously because it represented the only "acceptable" way for her to help Miyoko.

Officially, Tatsuyoshi Sonozaki and his wife (Naeko) are Mion and Shion's parents. In reality, Akane is their mother, and whether or not Tatsuyoshi is the father is strictly a matter between him and Akane.

All of the locations from the original universe are present and more or less unchanged, along with a few new "sets" such as Akasaka's apartment.

Satoko has an alternate version of her "Tokyo" outfit that includes a mask that resembles an inverted Eye of Providence. She wears this when acting in Hinamizawa after her death, claiming that she needs to hide her identity due to being known in the village. (Okonogi thinks that doesn't matter in the slightest and that Satoko is trying too hard to be "cool", and he isn't wrong... except that it's managed to keep Miyoko from realizing who it is throughout the loops)

Beyond mahjong, Akasaka, Satoshi, Irie and Tomitake were fast friends. Their name for the quartet is the "Soul Brothers" - thankfully, it's a more serious (and infinitely less horny-focused) group than in arcs like (ugh) Batsukowashi-hen. (Kei still becomes an honorary Soul Brother in some arcs, though)

While she's reasonably familiar with a gun and a bow, Shion's real weapon is her contacts: her stay at St. Lucia (and Rika-in-Gou levels of popularity while there) means she has a slew of St. Lucia-ites (with powerful fathers) who would bend over backward for her.

Akane and Satoko are the two most skilled individual fighters in Higurashi TEN - who wins in a fight between the two is generally decided by who screws up first, but this is usually Akane getting blindsided by a trap unless she's warned. (They fight in more fragments than you'd expect - Akane Kasai is the most dangerous person in Hinamizawa and Satoko knows it.)

Miyoko starts her loops at the same point every time - the morning after the festival in 1982. This is mostly to dodge the abuse from Tamae - the fact that people assume her changed personality is because she's escaped an abusive home is icing on the cake.

The official reason for the Clinic "studying" Hanyuu was that they were researching the effects of her horns' growth pressing on her brain and monitoring the brain tumor-like symptoms (hearing voices, delusions of being Oyashiro-sama reborn, etc.) that it caused; this was all a fabrication hiding the research done on Hanyuu as Queen Carrier. Satoshi was disgusted by this facade and eventually told the Furudes that Hanyuu's brain was fine, leading to them pulling Hanyuu out (and Satoko murdering them as a result).

Irie occasionally mediates the Games Club's punishment games, sometimes getting dragged into it himself. He's a stalwart protector defender of the young club members' honor, making whatever sacrifices he has to in order to make sure that they're not forced into perverted situations or outfits.

Rumiko may or may not have had feelings for Mion, which Mion subconsciously returned; Mion's quietly put two and two together in the months following her disappearance, and it's had a palpable effect on her relationship with Reina.

Ooishi lives in Kakiuchi City and is a part of its police department, and he's not the only former Hinamizawa resident on its force - there's a bright young detective named Natsumi Kimiyoshi who I've heard interesting stories about, though I don't know much about her...

While he's still capable of being the "Magician of Words", Kei's charisma is heavily tempered by the restrained, somewhat cold wall he's put up around his emotions for "everyone's own good".

After all that looping, Miyoko's trauma response to Teppei moving back in and forcing himself to be her caretaker is anger moreso than shutting down. More than a few loops have ended with Teppei killing her after she was too insolent (or too creepy) for him to put up with.

Yukie was a reporter who was extremely critical of the anti-dam protests, especially after the kidnapping occurred. At least some of the antipathy towards Akasaka is due to being Yukie's husband.

When the seeds of distrust aren't sown, Reina's empathy is one of her most powerful tools, making her able to stand up to just about anyone in Hinamizawa and reach out a hand to them. (Sometimes this leads to getting a baseball bat to the head, but hey, she tried.)

Hanyuu can hear Bernkastel at lower levels of Hinamizawa Syndrome than anyone else in the village, and seems to be cognizant of her presence even when she's at L1/L2. The exact details of Hanyuu and Bern's rapport are known only to them.

Miyoko and Hanyuu are closer to each other than they are to anyone else, but there's still a big ugly wall between them due to Hanyuu's quasi-divinity butting up against Miyoko's hatred of any and all gods. Tearing that wall down is an important part of Miyoko's character development.

Irie had (has?) Satoshi's blessing to try and win Satoko's heart; according to Satoshi, Satoko's not entirely against the idea of a relationship. Satoshi also made sure that Irie didn't cross any lines when going after her; after Satoshi disappeared, Irie ceased his attempts until Satoko herself encouraged him.

Everyone is wearing different outfits - the new ones are more or less the same pieces of clothing as the original "position" but with the color palette and general feel of the character filling the slot. For example, Reina's casual outfit starts as Keiichi's - a vest, undershirt, and shorts (and no hat) - but then is adjusted to fit Rena's style and is given a white, light blue, and purple palette. My attempts at mocking up Reina and Mion's designs are below.

[cancerbiophd]

Hi Julia! I will be graduating from grad school next summer and I've been accepted to a R&D position in the pharmaceutical industry, which was my dream so I'm very excited! As someone who also made the transition from academia to industry, do you have any tips or advice on how to handle the different expectations? Thank you!

Hello Rose! Congratulations!! That’s so wonderful to hear. You’ve worked hard for this!

I’m very much still in the process of learning to navigate the transition myself but I will tell you all that I’ve learned so far. I’ve found that grad school has actually prepared me quite well for industry because of all the translatable skills I picked up (and even from college and other life experiences). So if you find this list is filled with some familiar things, then that’s a very good sign!

Have a method to deal with feeling overwhelmed. Going from academia to industry can feel like moving from a small rural town where you knew everybody to a big bustling loud crowded city. Oftentimes it will be sensory and information overload, and it’s easy to feel anxious most of the time. It’s best to have in your emotional tool-kit a few plans on how to navigate challenges like figuring out unfamiliar protocols and tasks, what to do if you make a mistake, how to decompress after an anxiety-inducing phone call or presentation, etc. 

I recommend not forming any emotional attachment to your projects, because unlike grad school where we worked on basically one big thing for many years, projects can come and go very quickly and seemingly unexpectedly in industry. And most of the time these decisions are not 100% up to us in R&D, but the business side of things, because if a project isn’t meeting a company goal (whether financial or otherwise), it’ll be put on hold or cut. (But that’s not to say R&D doesn’t have input, but we don’t often get the last say). 

Know your go-to person or persons for questions, from your manager and fellow coworkers for project-related questions to contacts in IT, HR, etc. And be protective of your right to ask questions and receive answers. This is part of your job, and this is part of their job as well. Everything that comes out of your department is a team-effort, after all. And time is money (and company goals fulfilled)--always remember that. And that includes your time as well, so taking 5 min to ask a question and getting a straight-forward answer is much better than spending 5 hours confused and doing something wrong! Not a day goes by where I don’t ask a bunch of questions (and most of them are: what does this abbreviation stand for? Because in industry, apparently if it can be abbreviated, it will be.)

Set clear expectations and goals with your manager, and check in with them regularly. Project goals are much more concrete and common in industry where project timelines (sometimes set by the business side) guide every decision, vs academia where decisions can be more experimental and free-flowing. Finding out your pace in this timeline and delivering what your manager expects is a two-way street where communication is key. Whenever I get a new project, I like to tell my manager “let’s touch base on my progress tomorrow” so we can a) catch any of my mistakes early, b) estimate when I’ll be done/ready for the next step, and based on that, c) see if we need to have more help. 

Follow what your fellow coworkers do in terms of small workplace-culture-things, like email etiquette (eg. reply to one vs reply all), when to start and end each work-day, how to respond to manager requests (my team likes each of us to reply with “ok will do!”), the best way to communicate (we prefer instant messaging via slack), etc.

Stay organized and prepared. Time is money in industry, and staying organized and on top of things saves time (and thus money). I’ve also found that it’s always better (and expected) to be able to provide an immediate answer to questions during meetings, rather than “I’ll get back to you” (unless it really is something that’ll take a while to figure out). So have your notes ready and well-organized. 

Related, document everything, or at least know the reason behind your decisions. Mostly because you may be working in a very large and interdisciplinary team (think sales, operations, marketing, etc) and they may not have the science-know-how to understand some R&D choices. Also higher-ups may not be able to remember every minute detail of a project, so it’s good to have all that on hand. The other day my manager actually asked me to remind her of the decisions we made during a meeting on one of her projects. Good thing I had taken notes!

Take the opportunity to learn who everyone is and what they do at the company that you meet. Company directories and LinkedIn profiles are great for this. 

Pay attention to the paperwork. Companies run on rules and regulations and contracts and legal this and that. Our choices can have more consequences now than when we were in school. I usually like to get 2nd and 3rd opinions on things (either from coworkers or from a more experienced friend or family member) that I’m not 100% sure on. 

Be prepared to have more trust placed in you and your decisions. Not really a huge piece of advice, but more like, hey, head’s up! Because one thing that was jarring for me as someone coming straight from grad school where our self-esteem was repeatedly pummeled down was how much more respected I am now. My feedback and project decisions are actually welcomed, trusted, and acted upon. This is in part to my degree, my experience, and the culture of my team, but wow, I haven’t felt this valued in such long time. 

Related to that last point, professionalism counts more now. Academia offers a bit more freedom in terms of how an individual dresses and acts, but company environments put more emphasis and expectations in those things (especially for customer/client-facing positions). Depending on your company, you may have a dress-code and be held to a certain level of professional etiquette. 

And lastly, take it slow, and trust that effort will never betray you. The learning curve can also be pretty steep--my coworker tells me that it’s at least 6 months for my position. I like to finish each work day by reflecting on something I now know that I didn’t when I woke up that morning--it really helps keep my self-esteem up and the feelings of imposter syndrome down. 

That’s all I got for now! My inbox and chat are always open if you have any other follow-up questions. Congrats again on graduating and your new position!! 

[nessamaurice]

Simple, Ch. 11 (Loki x F!Reader)

Masterlist

Summary: Tony and the Avengers are in desperate need of something like a “babysitter” to have an eye on Loki and teach him “how to human”. He decided to stay on Midgard over the dungeons of Asgard as punishment for his deeds in New York. That’s where you swoop in. A simple receptionist at the Avengers compound. You have to share an apartment in the compound with Loki and damn, he’s a really tough nut. With your open and kind character it seems that you are slowly cracking his shell. But suddenly things are getting twists that will change your life and your relationships there irreversibly.

Story rating: M

Chapter trigger warnings: PTSD/flash back, trauma

Words: 2845

11

Your whole body hurt incredibly as you opened your eyes. Terrified you saw that you were back at that awful lab, dozens of needles sticking deeply in your skin. You couldn't focus correctly and thus didn't saw what was happening right in front of you. You felt electrodes getting glued on your head and started screaming to the top of your lungs as the burning pain pierced into your brain.

"Y/N! Y/N, wake up! It's just a dream, it's alright!"

Carefully being shaken you slipped back into reality. As you opened your eyes you saw a very concerned Loki looking down on you, loose black locks framing his face. In that moment you realized you were still screaming and shut up the next second. Loki looked up from you like to someone else and said something but you were too drowsy to follow the actions. Tears were rolling down your temples and you were trembling. It was just so cold...  Half asleep, half awake you turned on your side and curled up so tightly that you were just a little human ball, clasping your legs and pulling them up to your chest so that you could burry half your face between your knees. Shaking you tried to fall asleep again but it just didn't work; you knew that it wouldn't within seconds. Quietly you started to cry without knowing why exactly. You gasped as you felt hands at your shins. Loki had brought a soft, woolen blanket and tugged it neatly under your legs so that your front was completely covered, except for a small gap for your face so you could breathe. But your back was still uncovered so you wanted to roll around and pull the blanket over your shoulders as the mattress behind you dipped a bit. An arm wrapped around you under the blanket and pulled you slightly backwards to the warm body laying down behind you. Loki curled up to your back and held you.

"Don't worry, I'm by your side. You will not slip from my grip, nothing can happen to you. I'm with you. You are not alone."

***

You slowly awakened and the first thing your brain recognized was a familiar scent. Fresh linen and leather. You opened your eyes and saw an open book, held by big hands that were clearly not yours. You felt a chin lightly touching the top of your head. Then slowly the memory came back and you recalled your nightmare and how you got comforted into sleep again. Heat was rushing to your cheeks, being aware of the full body contact behind you while Loki slowly changed pages, not realizing you were awake. You stiffened completely, not knowing how to react. Loki noticed the change in your muscles and whispered your name.

"Are you awake?"

You awkwardly cleared your throat. "Ahem, yes. I'm sorry. How long have I slept?"

"It is now 10 am the next morning, so you slept a good amount of hours. What did you apologize for?" He spoke with a low voice; you felt the vibration of its sound where his chest touched your back.

You still didn't know how to move, so you stayed right there, totally stiff. But you had to admit, being so close to him was extremely calming. "That you had to climb here in with me. I'm pretty sure you're not really the cuddle type." You laughed nervously.

"You may be right, this is not something I would declare common for me. But I know what to do to calm down a traumatized person having something like a panic attack. And I’ve been in far more uncomfortable situations." 

You could hear him smiling with the last sentence which just made you blush even more. It was so long ago since you’ve been close to somebody. To anybody. Your muscles began to relax a bit and the fact he didn't move away reassured you a bit. 

"What are you reading?" You suddenly wanted to know, surprising yourself.

Loki closed the book with the finger he had on its cover. You immediately threw your hand against your forehead in shame.

"Oh my god. Where did you get this from? Why are you even reading it?"

"Your uncle brought some of your books from your room and I got bored. Not that watching you sleep isn't entertaining, but at some point I wanted to get my thoughts elsewhere. So I grabbed the first book from the stack and the title sounded truly interesting."

"Wait... what?" Now you turned to face him, "Watching me sleep is entertaining?" You imagined yourself snoring and drooling onto his arm and wanted to sink into the earth right away.

Ignoring your comment he just went on, seriously looking at the book, "Star Wars - The Phantom Menace. How could I resist? And, to my own surprise, it is not as bad as I expected your human literature to be. It clearly has lots of flaws regarding numerous techniques of writing and storytelling, but for such a young civilisation it could have been worse."

"You only say that because you haven't seen the movie."

Loki pulled his arm from beneath your head and pushed himself up on it, looking down at you.

"There's a movie from this?"

You turned around, now lying on your back, with a surprised expression.

"You know what movies are?"

All he did was giving you pouty look before he elegantly swung off the bed.

"I better get you something to eat before you get too impudent."

You watched him as he strode out of the room. You caught yourself biting on your lower lip and directly scolded yourself. You explained it with the hunger you felt in your stomach and not with any other kind of... hunger. He wasn’t even your typical “type of prey”. But you had to admit you felt calmer when he was around. He had some kind of aura that made you feel… understood. Acknowledged. Safe. You stroked over a shaved part of your head to distract you. It already turned scrubby, except for the parts where the electrodes were stuck to your head, leaving bald circles. You looked down at your arms, at the slowly healing cuts. You could recall how you got each single one of them, you would never forget that. You felt the burning of every single wound, you could locate them in your mind. Not only your skin would stay scarred for the rest of your life, your mind would never be the same again, too. You were marked, inside and out. Always to be identified as a victim of Hydra. Not only a victim, but a tool as well. You hurt others just to keep yourself a little less unharmed. You penetrated their minds, their feelings and covered them with your own, forced them to feel differently than they naturally would. You looked down at your hands and suddenly got the intense urge to peel off the skin of your palms. Just that moment the glass door of the medical room you were in opened and Loki entered with a tablet loaded with the most different things for breakfast. You quickly rose your head and felt like you've been caught doing something bad. You watched his face turn from a relaxed smile into a severely concerned expression.

"By the Allfathers, what happened?" 

He paced the room towards you with just a few steps, put the tablet on the table next to your bed and sat down in front of you, taking your face gently into his big hands. You weren't able to meet his eyes.

"My dear, look at me. Come on. Speak with me.", he softly encouraged you.

Hesitantly you looked into his face. He wiped with his thumb over your cheek, that was when you realized you were crying.

"I... I am a monster." You choked on your sobbing voice. "They made me a monster! Look at these-" You raised your palms a bit and looked down on them "Everyone I touch will be like an open book to me, they will not be able to choose what I’m allowed to know. And even worse… they will be forced to feel what I feel. Their souls will be plastered over with my own emotions." You suddenly looked up to Loki. "They made me a mental rapist for the rest of my life!" Your eyes got lost looking around the room as you realized what you just said. "Oh my god..." You covered your mouth with your hands as you started to sob uncontrollably. Loki pulled you to his chest and held you tight.

"I am so sorry this happened to you. I know it is too early for you to accept this, but just let me tell you, you are no monster. For sure not. I know what I am talking about, believe me. ... Do you want me to get your uncle here? He was forced to leave for a mission and I promised to look after you, but if you prefer his company I am sure he-"

"No, don't. Don't leave. Please." You grabbed his shirt and held on it for dear life. You didn't want to be alone again. As soon as he would leave your side you knew the horrific memories and thoughts would come back immediately. "I'm so sorry" you wept into his chest.

"It's okay. Of course I'm staying. Do not apologize my dear." He pressed you a bit closer to him.

Loki looked over to the door and was surprised to see his brother coming along the glass front and just as he wanted to open the glass door he saw the scene and stopped mid-movement, obviously confused. Loki slightly shook his head and pointed to the side, meaning him to leave. He conjured an illusion of himself a bit further away in the corridor to speak to his brother without disturbing you.

"Hello, brother."

"Loki? What is going on? Why are you holding this crying woman? Who is she? What did you do?" Thor walked out of view towards his brother's illusion.

Loki rolled his eyes before he answered "That is Y/N. I am not the reason she is in this abysmal condition. She got kidnapped and tortured by that Hydra cult over a week ago. We managed to save her, but it took us a few days. They injured her body and her soul severely. It appeared that she has empathic powers and Hydra forced them to the surface, now she is able to feel other's feelings and even to alter them only by touching them with her hands. It is hard for her to cope with that."

"By the Allfathers, that are awful news. Does she need any support from our home?"

"I don't think that would be good. Midgardian souls are different, we don't know how the effects would be on the long term."

"Yes, you are right." Thor stopped for a moment and looked Loki deeply in the eyes. "And you are comforting her?" He raised his eyebrows. "I never thought you are able of being that sensitive."

Loki sighed, "Well, brother, unlike you, obviously, I can be perfectly sensible if I want to. And again, unlike you, I know what she feels like right now. I have been in familiar situations.“ He paused talking to Thor as he said some comforting words to you. „I have to leave now, if you would excuse me."

"Of course, Loki. Let me tell you that I am as surprised as I am impressed. I am truly happy that you found a person that brings this part of you to the daylight. Farewell for now, brother." Thor wanted to leave, but stopped. “Mother would have been really proud of you.” Then he gave him a short smile before he walked through the illusion, causing it to disappear.

Now his attention was fully yours again, though the words of his brother echoed in his head. But he had no time to let that sink in, not now. He pulled away a bit and touched your chin to move it upwards, making you face him.

"Y/N, if you feel comfortable with that, I want you to know that you can tell me anything. If one day you feel like you want to talk about what happened to you in there, know that I will always be there listening. I want to help you heal. I wanted to offer that to you earlier, but I backed away."

You looked him dead in the eye, wiped over your wet face and asked him a question he was visibly surprised by.

"Why? Why do you want that? Not that I am not thankful for that, but at first you were different towards me. Cold, distant, skeptical. Now you are so sweet and caring. I just don't understand that. ...Why?" You grabbed a tissue to clean your face while you watched him writhe on the inside. But you really wanted to know that- needed to know that. You really wanted to trust him, but that question became more and more present in your subconscious. After all he did, after all that happened to him, it seemed somehow counterintuitive. You expected him to be hardened after all that, and that it would take so much time and patience to get to his core. You watched his face carefully. He went from confusion to reluctance, brushing along temper but finally settled with surrender. He closed his eyes and sighed, searching for the right words to start with. He turned to directly face you.

"I knew you were different from the first moment I saw you. There was no... contempt, no prejudice in you. Just curiosity and maybe a bit of fear", he smiled as he said that, "Every human I met by now looked at me with this certain look. This look that mirrors how I view myself and it's like a confirmation of all the evil in me. But you... And as you moved in it appeared that you really wanted to help me. And you were so... compassionate. It didn't took me long to define why I like to be around you. You met my reservedness not with impatience but with forbearance. You let me know that you actually wanted to be there with me, not like you were forced or that you had to endure my company for some other advantage or reward. It felt like you counted me getting a bit more open as your reward. You really wanted me to feel comfortable with you and offered me so many options to get closer without becoming pushy. You gave me time to think and sort out my words when we spoke; something I never did, I always have been very quick with my tongue but that led me nowhere. It is new for me to think about how my words would affect others truly. And you took everything I said serious. All that gives you such a wonderful aura, an inner glow I feel very attracted to. I didn't mean to get so close to you in such a short time, that's not my way to act. But when I saw you there, being captured and obviously tortured, I knew I have to overcome my restraint and pride and be there for you, just like you deserved it. And I knew pretty well what you would need once we got you back here. I have been in familiar situations so often in my life and I know exactly what I would have needed back then but no one was really there for me; noone who would have been able to understand. And I pushed away the very few ones that tried to. I don't want you to feel like I did and thus endanger your beautiful soul to harden. I cannot allow this to happen. Well, and that is why I am willing to give you all the comfort and intimacy you need to cope with this dreadful situation you are in. I hope my honesty will help you to trust me. And, if you allow, let me emphasize my candour." By saying that he slowly took your hand in his, your palm up, and covered it with his other hand. You audibly gasped as his emotions rushed through you. Every word he said appeared to be true, you could feel everything, he wanted you to feel it. Being confronted with so much genuineness almost overstrained you. You could do nothing but stare in his blue-green eyes. It felt like an eternity but you could not manage to let go of his hands or to look away. You noticed yourself moving towards him without knowing why. You simply wanted to be closer to him. You felt so vulnerable right now and you wanted to feel safe again. His gaze was concentrated on your eye that wasn’t patched up and suddenly his emotions changed into thrill, almost electrifying you. Both of you were a complete mess but it felt so right.

Taglist: @it-jinxed-us ​, @humbledarkness​, @lunawitch19, @redryderdesigns​

[patricianandclerk]

Re: Aziraphale's fraught relationship w/ Heaven and the queer narrative, like... I can see where the other person is coming from, but if Aziraphale just said 'hey, I'm gay', they wouldn't be turning on him (though they might be concerned that this label is a sign that he sees himself as too human, that he can be attracted to what he's attracted to but does he have to make it sound human?)-- their issue is for lack of better word political, not personal. (1/2)

(2/2) But for Aziraphale, there's no difference, not in a 'my existence is political bc I'm queer' way, but because even though he IDs as gay separately from Crowley (his club etc), by this point every part of his life is tangled up in his feelings for Crowley. He's in the process of adopting new politics bc he loves Crowley, he loves the earth bc it's his-and-Crowley's, and he is, internally, a mess who is constantly reminded of Crowley. Their issue isn't his sexuality, but this one romance.

I’m going to say something, and for some people who specifically ID with Aziraphale’s dynamic with Heaven because of their own queer experience, I feel like it might be uncomfortable, but like...

The thing is, Aziraphale is never told by Heaven it wouldn’t be okay for him to be gay. He’s never told that he shouldn’t have human experiences.If Aziraphale walked into Heaven one day, and said, “You know what? I really identify with gay humans, and I like to eat because I enjoy the pleasure and the taste and the textures and the way it fits in with human cultures, and I like old books because I love their smells and how many stories and ideas they fit in with them, and I even like regency snuff boxes, because I think it’s beautiful that something so small and so delicate might have been crafted for such a thing.”

Now, I think everyone is assuming, especially based off of their own experiences with their families re: being queer, that Heaven would immediately go absolutely off the rails and freak out about it, kick Aziraphale out, shout at him, or keep him captive.

You know what my experience with my family was?

I was terrified to come out as trans, because I thought my family would be super weird about it, I thought they’d be nasty, I thought it’d just be really grim. No. They listened when I explained it. They asked a lot of stupid questions, but they weren’t judgey about it. And for several years, because I was so nervous that they were going to reject me (re: my extended family), I kept being super cagey and defensive about everything, even though they’d only ever been accepting.

I was justified in feeling some fear, because it can be very risky to come out as trans to a family who isn’t supportive, but my family was openly supportive, and yet for years after, I treated them as if they weren’t, because I’d built up these expectations in my head that they wouldn’t be.

I was the asshole in that situation. My family did everything right: the only thing they did wrong was not being omniscient and not being able to read my mind.

And that’s what I see when I watch Aziraphale’s interactions with Heaven.

I see an angel who’s terrified to let anything slip in case it all goes wrong, to the extent that he’s actually pretty nasty to people who literally only ever praise his work and say how great it is, and who are so, so excited to get him come home that - knowing how much he cares about his work on Earth, because they think he’s such a hardworker - they’re going to send a fucking archangel to do it in his place.

Gabriel never says it’s wrong to eat food. I didn’t take that from that interaction at all.

Gabriel: [hey, why do you eat that? to me, it looks gross] (which, by the way, is a perfectly common human reaction to sushi, let alone a fucking angel’s)

Aziraphale: it’s sushi. it’s nice. (no explanation. just a vague, it’s nice with a little bit of defensiveness.) you dip it in soy sauce. (gabriel has no idea what that means. the only soy sauce he knows is the soy sauce where his brains should be.)

Gabriel: [oh, sounds gross! as an angel, i find the whole concept of eating kinda squicky, but i’m going to couch it in religious language because we’re fucking angels and i have very few human experiences to talk from instead]

Gabriel meant hey, I think that’s gross, but whatever, it’s your thing. Aziraphale heard, I think you’re gross, and I’ll hate you if you tell me you like humans.

Even with the fucking comment about Aziraphale losing weight... That’s not Gabriel trying to hurt Aziraphale. That’s Gabriel, a moron, repeating fatphobic stuff he doesn’t understand from a culture he doesn’t understand, trying to connect with Aziraphale who DOES understand like it. Gabriel isn’t trying to bully Aziraphale. He’s trying, desperately, as he has for the part six thousand years, to establish a rapport. To be playful. To assure Aziraphale he likes him and cares about his interests. Does he do it wrong? Yes! Is it hurtful? Of course!

But Gabriel doesn’t know that, and has no way of knowing.

Who’s gonna fucking tell him, Sandalphon? Sandalphon can’t tell the difference between Mrs Beeton’s Cookbook and hardcore pornography any better than Gabriel can!

Gabriel doesn’t hate humans. Sandalphon doesn’t hate humans. Gabriel and Sandalphon go play dressup on weekends, and Gabriel goes fucking jogging at the end of the world.

Gabriel says to Aziraphale, look, I know how much you care about Earth, so I’ll give you some time to go finish up before you come home. Why? Because he knows Aziraphale cares. What could he possibly have to finish up, when the Apocalypse is coming? Nothing. It’s not about Earth or the work. It’s about Aziraphale’s feelings.

And I don’t think Gabriel is completely removed from those, either - he’s fucking jogging in the park, and that isn’t for Aziraphale’s business. He’s probably getting one last jog in before the park goes up in smoke, because he enjoys it.

Yes, the angels smite humans. Yes, they got involved in Sodom and Gomorrah, Noah’s Ark, all the other great big murders committed by Heaven against groups of humans. But like... Aziraphale watched that stuff happen too. He never said anything about it, except to Crowley. It doesn’t make it excusable that the angels did all that shit, but the thing about ignorance is that you don’t magically become aware of things you are ignorant to. You have to learn and/or be taught. And the thing is? If you don’t have the tools to go look for yourself, or even realize you can or should go look for yourself, you don’t.

I don’t think, if Aziraphale told the angels he liked humans and that they were important to him, that they’d be angry. I think some of them would be concerned, because they think it’s dangerous for him - they’re worried about him Falling. I don’t think they’d necessarily be surprised. I do think they’d be embarrassing.

But like...

This idea that they’d freak out is something that Aziraphale has made up in his own mind.

They don’t freak out at the end of it all because Aziraphale likes the Earth. In fact, given what happens, I think they probably assume a lot of the Earth stuff was lies, and that he was pretending to care about humans and the Earth in his conversations to hide the fact that he was a spy for the other side.

Aziraphale betrays Heaven. And he...

Never explains why. He rehearses trying to explain, and then he doesn’t. He rambles a bit and then the angels are like, well, this is weird and we don’t get it, so... bye. Hope you’re okay.

Heaven see Aziraphale being a double agent, then find out he wasn’t being a double agent for Hell, he was just being a double agent with one specific demon who tempted Eve in the first place. What the fuck? That’s why they’re angry. That’s why they feel betrayed.

Because they spent six thousand years awkwardly talking to Aziraphale, knowing he liked human stuff and trying to get him to talk about it but not knowing how or why, and then it turns out, from their perspective, that it was never about humans at all. It was about Hell. It was about a demon. Not just a Fallen angel, but a soldier from the other side in the war that slaughtered a whole bunch of them.

And yet, the funniest thing?

The funniest thing of all?

Michael has backchannels in Hell. She knows demons. She seems to have a pretty positive working relationship with them. Gabriel and Beelzebub are very familiar with one another, and to be honest, they act like an old married couple with shared jokes and everything.

I don’t know how much they actually... would have freaked out about Crowley specifically.

Because at the end of it, we don’t know if it’s really about Crowley at all, or the betrayal at all, so much as the fact that Aziraphale and Crowley, for all both sides knew, had planned it for six thousand years. Crowley, with Aziraphale as the accessory who got hold of the murder weapon for him, melted a fucking demon into oblivion. Before he’d actually gotten to do anything, either - it wasn’t self-defense, it was pre-emptive, and he’d been planning it for years. And Aziraphale helped him do it.

I don’t know.

I agree with you, Anon, it definitely is political, but I think the question is like... How much Heaven is actually political over personal, too, because we see only bits and pieces of it.

I just simply don’t agree that it’s as cut-and-dry as “Aziraphale did a bad, now we’ll kill him” because it was about far, far more than that.

[okadaizoirl]

Broly is an abuse survivor and "gifted child" survivor icon and here's why.

Hey hi hate to DBZpost on main but I wanna talk about the Broly movie. Can I talk about that? I'll tag this as spoilers since I can't put a Readmore on mobile or at least... Don't know how to.

Okay, so let me preface this accordingly: Everything I know about Dragon Ball is from my fiancé. Everything I know, he taught me. He showed me the original Broly the Legendary Super Saiyan movie, and... Damn did it leave a bad taste in both of our mouths. But I'm not talking about inferior walking 18 Wheeler Broly.

I'm talking about the one with character development. 2019 Broly. Who I adore.

Firstly, on an aesthetic level? His new design is far more interesting and piques one's curiosity more. And I'm going off of base forms because transformed... Oh it's a can of worms, squiggly dirty earthworms. So base forms only.

On the left is the original, which I personally find... Generic. Okay, he's decked out in gold and glimmer and has a concerning upper body situation going on. Next.

But the one on the right? My first thoughts were, "What's that cloth around his waist? It looks like a pelt, were there huge beasts on the planet he and Paragus were on? What's that collar on his neck? What's the story on those scars?" Instantly more stimulating.

But that's not even what sold my happy ass on 2019 Broly.

Now we get into spoilers, and I apologize for such, but they're critical to my point. When Paragus found him on Vampa, he took to being unshakingly authoritarian to train Broly to keep his already astronomical power level in check. When Broly found a friend in the monster he called Bai, Paragus shot its ear off and made it hate Broly-- His only friend now hated him, which is arguably worse than just killing Bai since once its mind is made up due to its primal nature, it won't change it for any reason. What's more? Paragus did this because he believed having a friend was interfering with Broly's training, like how parents of "gifted children" believe hobbies like playing video games is just distracting them from studying. But Broly still hung onto that ear because... That was his only reminder of having friends! I can't speak for every survivor, but I also have objects or memories that remind me of happy times in my past despite the shadow of abuse that looms over the majority of it.

But Paragus isn't just a psychological abuser. The collar around Broly's neck is a shock collar, one that sends almost lethal amounts of electricity through his body-- And Paragus holds the controller for it, and uses it whenever Broly "acts out". It's not brief either. Paragus is seen holding the button down. It's also been used so many times that when he shows Frieza the remote, not even using it, Broly immediately panics and starts frantically pulling at his collar. And what do we call that?

That's right! A trigger! His trigger is a... Trigger. That was in poor taste, I admit it.

Cheelai and Lemo instantly see Broly's situation, and when Paragus openly shocks Broly in the cafeteria, Cheelai is quick to not only confront Paragus, but take away his source of power over Broly-- The remote-- And smashes it when Paragus is out of sight. Because Cheelai is FUCKING GREAT. She and Lemo even stick up for Broly beforehand when Paragus silences him! Their bond grows even more as they ensure Broly is well fed, let him drink water (which was the first time he had ever done so!! PARAGUS WHY DID YOU LEAVE YOUR SON DEHYDRATED), and most of all, let him speak about the trauma he endured! The support an abuse survivor needs is perfectly illustrated in Cheelai and Lemo, who even live with Broly back on Vampa to ensure his safety. They're even firm on guarding him from Goku, despite the guy just coming by to give them a home capsule, because they're dead set on Broly not being taken advantage of again!

Broly's attitude towards Paragus is also a detail I appreciate. When Cheelai and Lemo bring up the fact that Paragus is abusive to Broly, he still retains a sense of obligation to love his father due most likely to common emotional abuse tactics. And with Paragus? It would be multiplied. "I chose to live on this horrible, inhospitable planet with you and leave our home behind, and I raised you in this hellhole, because I am your father and you will behave!" That's what I imagine it sounding like. Not a stretch, either, since Paragus shows in a lot of times how just his words have power over Broly. No threats to use the remote, just words. "We're here to eat, not talk." And Broly is immediately quiet. Though you may be asking yourself, why does he still stick up for Paragus while the man in question isn't there to intimidate him? Well... In my experience, repeated emotional abuse is akin to brainwashing. You start to think what you're being told is the absolute truth for how many times you hear it, and how things happening is misinterpreted by either you or your abuser as "proof" of this undeniable truth. Broly is still a victim in the time that he meets Cheelai and Lemo, so he has no time to process the fact that what his father told him isn't the truth.

When Paragus is killed by Frieza (BIGGEST SPOILER, SORRY), Broly's perspective is suddenly flipped on its head. The shock collar broke, but being in the half Oozaru state made it seem like he either didn't know or didn't care. But suddenly not only was the man responsible for that repeated pain and the death of his only friend gone, but so was the one he was convinced was the only person who cared about him. This triggered him to transform further. Why? Because this mimics those abused being separated from their abusers before they themselves realize they're in a pattern. When this happened to me, I was convinced I couldn't live without the person who treated me so badly. I didn't Hulk out like Broly because I am but a mere human with a lopsided pasty form and low power level, but I was under intense emotional distress for a long time. It got... Bad, too, but I don't want to add another warning to the tags when it has enough already. But my point is, this is still an accurate portrayal of a victim of abuse.

Also!! The fact that Frieza sees Broly only as a tool is highly reminiscent of how people see "gifted children"! And the fact that Broly transformed into the Great Ape multiple times, which carries a stigma amongst Saiyans as something only to be used as a last resort? And Broly constantly used it? And was looked down upon as a result, despite not really being able to help it? This is a parallel to a developmental disorder, such as Autism or ADHD! And Frieza sees Broly as a possible tool due to his power level (his natural skill), but more of a liability due to being prone to transforming into the Great Ape (his developmental disorder)... Which sounds... Familiar, doesn't it?

I'm kind of going all over the place here so I'll sum it up in a nice, neat little summary.

TL;DR Broly is the most accurate representation of a survivor of both parental abuse and "gifted child" culture I have ever seen and I am so glad that this is our canon Broly.

Also, the animation was James Baxter levels of smooth and I adored it.

[torque-witch]

Hello, do you have any ideas on what to do when your tarot cards are mad at you? I didn't touch them for almost three weeks because I went on vacation and somehow forgot them. When I got back, they were angry about it. When I asked what to do to help them, I got the reversed hierophant, all three times. I had no idea what it meant and that was the last time I did a reading. It's been days. I'm almost scared to see what happens when I pick them back up.

Hi, I was wondering if you had any tips on what to do if you have a moody tarot deck? My deck gets angry easily and requires me to cleanse it several times and give it several readings before it calms down and will give me a straight answer. Thanks.

•

I’m putting these asks together in case they were the same person - I apologize I haven’t had the time to answer these properly!

When I first started reading and learning tarot, my first deck was extremely moody with me and wouldn’t give me straight answers. Sometimes the simplest answer is that you need more time working out the kinks before IT will trust YOU. I don’t always go by the belief that inanimate things have spirits, but more so just facets of your own personality. Your subconscious may just be frustrated, you may need to clear your own head, or just walk away for a little bit and come back to it later. I personally got a different deck to work with until I felt more comfortable tackling my first one, and once I came back to it everything went smoothly.

If you aren’t able to do that, you might want to consider spending more time getting to know your deck personally before using it for readings. Things you can do include:

Carrying it with you in your bag

Asking it questions like [what situations are you best at tackling? What situations would you like to avoid?]

Sleeping with it under your pillow

Dedicating objects to it like specific crystals or trinkets

Aimless shuffling

Making a bag or holder for it that is personal

Basically, you want to treat your tools as family. Once you become more familiar with them, they will be like a second limb. Familiarize yourself with them and invite them into your life until you feel like using them is second nature. Sometimes all you need to do is make yourself more comfortable with using them, and in turn they will work better for you.

If you can’t seem to reach this point, you may want to consider that you just don’t connect with the deck well! I have given out and re-sold decks that just didn’t work with me and the types of readings I give. It’s not your fault if this happens! It’s very common, so don’t feel bad if sometimes you pick up decks you like, but just aren’t “behaving.”

[mildew-mop]

I'm going to make bullet points to reply with what you said with my experiences. Hope this is helpful.

We have had periods of time where it feels like there are constantly new alters. Usually during times of high stress.

Black outs are actually a relatively less common form of amnesia. They are more often shown in TV shows and other media as they are more shocking and exciting to show. They are also easier to explain. Emotional amnesia (being able to remember what happened, but not remembering the emotions associated with the memories), and dissociative amnesia (remembering that it happened, but feeling like you weren't there, or that it happened to someone else) are two examples of other, more common types of amnesia. There are also "grey outs" which is where memories feel more vague. Plus, if you are experiencing black outs, it often happens that the brain will try to stitch together the memories that are actually there, and pretend that what is in the middle didn't happen. So, it can be hard to tell if you are in fact having black outs, unless you put more effort into documenting alters, and trying to keep track of what is going on. I would recommend the app Simply Plural, as it's a useful tool to keep track of alters and switches. You can add a bunch of categories of information for different alters to fill out what they may or may not know about themselves as a way to keep track.

Yeah switching can feel different depending on various factors. Sometimes it feels random if it is quick or slow. It can be difficult to tell that it even happened sometimes.

We can relate a lot to not being able to recognize yourself in old photos.

Trying to access memories can be very hard. With dissociative disorders, often times different alters will hold different memories, and if you have high amnesia barriers, it can cause a lot of anxiety to try and access other memories. I would suggest trying to focus more on keeping track of alters and improving communication before trying to force recall of potentially traumatic memories. Sometimes its better not to remember, or at least not right away. If you are able to access therapy, then that would be something to address as it can be difficult to do on your own. Either way, I would not suggest rushing it or trying to force access to painful memories.

We cannot drive cause our dissociation is too bad. Dissociation is often a trauma response to stressful situations, and when your body is used to that, it can be hard to do anything but dissociate in response to even "small" things. It worked in the past to protect the brain from trauma, so its going to keep happening until it is managed in some way. Sometimes it never stops.

We have similar experiences with alters seeming to be fully formed without a backstory. As you get older and more aware of them, alters will become more developed. It kind of happens over time. Some alters may never develop. Some alters are considered fragments as their roles are so small.

Feeling like you're faking is a common experience. It is important to remember that faking is something you do on purpose. Imposter syndrome is a bitch.

The last two points are very familiar. We used to experience maladaptive daydreaming more often as a kid, along with the rest of the stuff you listed. Same with the point about thinking. That's a good description that I relate to.

how my dissociative identity disorder presents :)

so i had someone ask me what do my symptoms look like when it comes to did and i want to give a little bit of a look into how my disorder presents (and i’m curious to see if this is the same for anyone else)

-i have a lot of alters it feels like everyday i have someone new or who didn’t have a name front and sometimes it feels like i’m faking it because i can’t possibly have that many people

- i rarely have black out switches, most of the time they’re co-conscious and it feels like i am viewing my body from the outside or as if someone has completely control of my body

-my switches are usually rapid, i sometimes don’t notice them but depending on the scenario they can take upwards of 5 minutes

-my amnesia is very heavy. at this point i do not remember my childhood and adolescence basically at all. i will look at pictures and not even recognize myself or remember that that is me in the picture.

-i do not have any memory at all from the last 4 years. i have about 3 months worth of memory right now.

-my alters do have memory thought but i cannot access that memory even if i’m co-conscious. if i try to get access to those memories i will start panicking/having an anxiety attack and my body will do everything it can to make me not have access to those memories

-my dissociation is very heavy it happens most if i am in fight or flight, uncomfy, or driving. i will shut down completely sometimes to the point where i can’t move, think, or speak

- my alters (me included) are fully formed human beings with wants needs desires opinions etc but most of us do not have back stories. we are like an oc/sim that was just made in a certain age of life and just hasn’t had the rest of the information filled in so it can be hard to have deep conversations or “get to know” us in a memories/normal sense of the word.

-i think i’m faking it all the time 24/7 it is so hard to handle because my body doesn’t want me to know i have this disorder.

-my symptoms as a child were not recognizing myself in the mirror, likes and dislikes changing frequently, maladaptive daydreaming, going by different names, having multiple conversations in my head, pretending i was a different person/in a different time period

-my alters have the same voice in my head but it’s feels like a different person. it’s not the thoughts that i’m having because they talk back and add their own things.

sooooo let me know if you want to know more or if you experience similar things my dms are open i definitely want to know what other people with this disorder experience!