#I've been unable to cry‚ but I really needed to ... and those three managed to help me get those emotions out

[throughpatchesofviolet]

I think I'll be leaning pretty heavily on my kins, these next few days ... whenever I feel out of sorts, going to them makes me feel better.

[mimiso-soup]

Sekai character parallels I think about a lot in the game. Very long rambling, so more under the cut! If I'm wrong about anything, please correct me! It's been a while since I've read some of the stories in Sekai, so I'm going based off on memory.

(I'm learning how to use Tumblr and I wanted to try to use "Read More". This is so neat :D!)

- Saki & Emu = They both had something majorly depressing in their lives: for Saki, it was not being able to see her friends properly and missing a lot of experiences in her youth: meanwhile, Emu lost her grandfather, the only person who really understood her, and trying to go against her father & brothers who had different views on 'Phoenix Wonderland' than her (then about the whole Wanshow disbanding thing, but that's a later thing).

Despite all this, they try to hide their troubles and negativity under genuine smiles and pure happiness. This doesn't necessarily mean they are depressed, but sometimes they have their times when they get really sad over such things. This happens at times where something really negative happens (like most of Saki's L/n focus events and I believe Emu's first event as well, but it's been a while since I've read that story so I can't really remember. But she does cry in her fourth event, too, so that counts for something), but the thing is, that suck at hiding their sadness tbh. (Again, I don't believe it's them hiding any sort of depression. It's them getting overwhelmed with negativity and not wanting to hurt others with it.) Fortunately, they have close friends who care a lot about them and get them through their troubles!

- Honami & Mafuyu = I remember seeing someone talk about this on Twitter, and I've spoken about this parallel friends a lot. They both help other people, but at the beginning of their stories, neither would say they were truly close to anyone until Honami properly reunited with L/n while Mafuyu gradually becomes closer with Niigo.

The difference is that Mafuyu never had an identity of who she really is that she made herself while Honami has one, but she's a people pleaser and afraid of being disliked. (Like me-)

What a lot of people seem to forget about Honami that she was asked by Kanade if she ever thought about "disappearing." She said yes, meaning at some point, she had depression. Gradually, with the help of her friends, Honami has become stronger in herself. She still says yes to things (like the event where she was helping at the kindergarten for art despite being unable to draw herself), but she's growing stronger with the help of her friends and does truly enjoy helping others because that's who she is.

Meanwhile, Mafuyu is not there yet and can't exactly heal at the moment since she is still suffering due to her mother. Not to mention, she needs to put on an entire "good girl face" whenever she's talking to others outside of Niigo because she's still being seen as "the ideal girl."

- Tsukasa & Minori = I think it's interesting how they're so similar yet not many people mention it. They are both a positive manifestation of "We'll get rejected multiple times, but we won't let it bring us down! We'll keep pushing forward and one day, we will be rewarded with something even better than we dreamed of!"

For Minori, she had dreams of being an idol, but it was beyond her dreams to be in an idol group with three former idols who all regained the love for being an idol they thought she had lost and want to be an idol group together. Meanwhile, with Tsukasa, he aims to be a star, and while he's still aiming to be one, he managed to find a theater troupe who he can be himself with and still grow bigger together.

- Mizuki and Ena & Rui and Nene = I saw an amazing thread on Twitter comparing MizuEna & RuiNene parallels where MizuRui stubbornly hide themselves and their feelings because they know what it's like to be hurt for being different and they care too much about those they are close with and not wanting to hurt others. This is different from Saki & Emu because while you can tell something is wrong with MizuRui, they refuse to say anything at all.

The only difference is that Minori doesn't always have confidence in herself (not tonsay that she doesn't have any at all, it's just there are times where she lacks it) while Tsukasa has too much and needed to be humbled.

With Ena & Nene, they are both different in their ways since Ena is as equally stubborn in helping others and can be a bit forceful at times, but she has learned that it takes time for some to open up and that "she'll wait for whenever Mizuki is ready." With Nene, she can tell when something is wrong with Rui because even when they grew distant for a while, they're childhood friends and neighbours. It feels that whenever Nene asks, Rui denies his feelings, and she doesn't exactly push but still watches over him.

This is interesting because you can tell that MizuRui care so much about EnaNene especially (not saying they don't care abt the others in their units, it's just those two in particular due to their relationship).

- Airi & Akito = The Shinonomes are already quite similar, so I wanted to talk about others.

When we're first introduced to Airi & Akito, they both have a "mean front" with Airi saying, "What makes you think you're fit for being an idol?" and Akito asking, "Are you really putting your all into it?" to Minori & Kohane specifically.

This is because they want others to be putting their all into things that they share equal passion in and not those who are only putting in "minimum effort" due to their own self-worth issues of Airi being an idol but her agency trying to turn her morn into a "TV personality" while Akito wants to prove his worth in music.

This is interesting because with the person they're closest to (Shizuku & Toya), they fight with them because they care so much, and they resolve it because they do care so much. They prove to be friendly and amusing afterwards with many times both AiriAki having moments going "Guys, we have to be reasonable, nO DON'T DO THAT-"

And that's all I have for now! This is a super long ramble so thank you for taking the time to read!

[melishade]

I've been taking my Mid Year as an Engineer in Adamson University as a 1st Year to college. May I ask that if you have any advice about going through college?

First of all, congratulations.

Second, oh boy, college. The bane of my existence.

I speak as someone who had a better time as a graduate student than an undergraduate student. But I will give you tips that I used to get by in college, and should have really taken to heart when I had the chance.

First and most important, it is okay to change your major if you cannot handle the coursework or do just don't like the major. Obviously, it is good to pursue a major that has a guarantee chance of you getting a stable job in the future, but if you can't handle the coursework, then you are going get burnt out and your grades will drop. I chose a major that I ultimately despised and I could not handle the coursework and I broke down crying in the middle of many of my exams. Don't be like me, make sure you can enjoy and handle the coursework.

Two, build good connections with your professors and classmates. For a few reasons. One: your classmates and professors can help you understand the material if you cannot. Especially those really smart classmates who seem to just break the curve and ruin it for everyone else. Two: your professors can help you build connections with other professors, and their recommendations can help get you hired for an internship, job, or even a volunteering opportunity. Job and graduate school applications tend to ask for references and letters of recommendations. If you don't have any work experience just yet, those academic references can help you get a good job. Three: sometimes professors can be extremely lenient with their courses depending on the situation. If you build a connection with your professor and they know how hard you word, and you are on the boarder between a B and an A, they might just be kind enough to give you that A.

Three: If you do have to take a GRE course, try to take off a GRE course that knocks off multiple requirements. Same for the elective major courses. If you're able to complete them and get a good grade, then it will save you time and money and you'll be able to graduate faster.

Four: Have proper time management. Make sure to take proper breaks. Don't overwhelm yourself with work. If you're unable to properly finish the course, be sure to drop it before there are any charges to your account. Colleges do charge you if you drop a course right before finals. And if you do need to take a gap year, that's fine too. It's not defeat. It's just recovery.

Five: Don't feel bad if you do get a C. C's do get degree.

(If anyone else wants to add their two cents in, go for it. College can be difficult and advice from others who have gone to college would be beneficial.)

[billiedeanhwrd]

when i fell you were there, with your hands in the air

cordelia goode x fem!reader

summary: your depression is hitting you harder than most days, cordelia comforts you 🤍

warnings: depression, slight mention of childhood trauma, it's angsty mental health fluff basically

word count: 1.7k

a/n: this is my first ever fanfic and i'm very very nervous about it, so pls don't be too harsh, constructive criticism is very much welcome though!! also i'm sorry about any grammar mistakes, english is not my first language. i also have to add that this was very much self indulgent and based on my own experience with depression, so if you don't relate, that's fine, everyone experiences it differently. I hope you enjoy it tho, have fun reading <3

today was one of those days again. one of those days where everything seemed grey and pointless. one of those days where taking a shower was too exhausting. one of those days where it didn't matter if you left your clothes on the floor or a pile of dirty dishes in the sink. one of those days where you isolated yourself. one of those days that seemed to return to you every morning for almost 3 weeks now.

you had been struggling with depression for years now and attending therapy regularly still didn't take away from the embarrassment you felt about your illness. cordelia didn't know, you didn't want to burden her with your subjectively "silly" problems. It wasn't easy hiding something so life consuming from your lover, but whenever you were with her you felt as though you could reach for the stars and there was no point in ruining happy moments with sad stories.

Whenever you felt really depressed and unable to function, you isolated yourself. Cordelia and you had been together for 7 months now and the first time she thought she had done something wrong which had resulted in you needing space from her, but when she confronted you, you reassured her that sometimes you needed some time to yourself because you were a more introverted person. While that might be true, you wanted nothing more than for her to take you into her arms and tell you everything was going to be okay again, but the fear of possibly burdening the already very busy supreme held you back from confessing what was weighing you down.

you were used to this already, you always kept your darkness to yourself, too afraid of being too much or being abandoned by your loved ones, while the rational side of you knew that the people in your life who truly meant something to you would never abandon you because of your chronic depression, anxiety left no room for rationality.

you were always feeling kind of down, but some days it was easier to cope and enjoy your day despite that... and then there were those phases where you felt unusually down, those phases that caused you to isolate yourself and wait for the storm to pass in solitude. They usually lasted only a few days or maximum a week, but this one had been going on for much longer. cordelia was worried, you had never needed so much "alone time to recharge your social battery", but she didn't want to overstep your boundaries and possibly push you away, because what you weren't aware of was that cordelia too struggled with abandonment issues and fearing she would be "too much" (which she could never be for you, you adored every single second you could spend in the blonde witch's presence).

After leaving multiple text messages and trying to call you, only to be greeted by your voicemail, cordelia took it upon herself to see what was going on with you. The knocking on your door would've usually startled you, but you had just ordered a pizza, too tired to prepare a meal yourself and assumed the delivery was faster than they had stated on their website. your jaw fell open and the door was quickly closed again, shit shit shit, what am i supposed to do now? the place looks like a mess, i can't let cordelia se-

"y/n can you open the door please?" she asked in her gentle voice. "Uh, yeah, give me a second" you replied, hastily throwing on a hoodie that had been lying around on your couch, coincidentally that hoodie being one you stole from cordelia a few weeks ago, something that made your girlfriend's heart warm up a little and relieve her of some of the worried thoughts she had that this might be your way of signaling to her that you no longer wished to be in a relationship with her.

"can we talk? i haven't seen you in three weeks and you haven't answered any of my texts... what's going on? you know you can talk to me about anything..."

"uhm, yes, of course. sit down, make yourself at home, would you like anything to drink?"

"no, thank you, i just want to talk to you"

you didn't have the energy to lie to the woman who held your heart in her hands anymore, you were terrified of her reaction, not only to you being mentally ill but also to you hiding it for so long.

"i'm so sorry delia, please don't be mad", you anxiously stuttered out. cordelia grabbed your hand and smiled reassuringly, signaling for you to continue talking.

"I didn't tell you before because i know you've already got so much going on with the academy and i didn't want to pile onto that with my irrelevant issues... I was diagnosed with depression amongst other things a few years ago, it's something i have to deal with every day and some days are easier than others, but sometimes it all comes crashing down on me and i feel like i'm lost in an ocean of a sadness so powerful, i can feel the pain on my body. I know it can be challenging to be close to someone with severe mental issues and I understand if you don't want to continue being with me, i would never want you to stay with me because you pity me or because you're afraid i'd do something to myself if you'd left, you're not responsible for my feelings or actions and i would never want to impose you with such a burden and-"

you stopped rambling when you noticed the tears flowing down cordelia's cheeks.

your eyes widened and your heart started pounding rapidly in your chest. "i'm sorry, was that too much?"

"no, no, no, no, no... it just pains me to know that you've been dealing with this on your own for such a long time because you don't value yourself enough to believe that other people might want to support you through your everyday battles. y/n, i know you, you're the girl who's always there when someone else needs a shoulder to cry on, anytime, anyplace, you always go out of your way to make others feel seen and accepted, why would you ever think that you don't deserve the kindness you so openly give to others?"

now it was you who was crying, cordelia was right, you didn't value yourself enough to believe that. you didn't actively think of yourself as less than others but that thought always unconsciously motivated the way you dealt with the things that were bothering you.

cordelia patted her lap, signaling for you to sit on her lap and come into her arms. you hesitated though, you weren't used to being so vulnerable and open with your emotions and it scared the shit out of you. you feared cordelia was possibly annoyed at you and was only doing this to get it over with and then get out. she watched you, while you were anxiously deciding what your next move would be, her heart broke for you, you looked like a scared baby dear when all she wanted to do was to comfort you.

"baby, look at me"

her chocolate colored eyes were so full of love, simply looking into them managed to get your heart rate down.

"it's okay, i'm not mad at you for talking about your feelings and all i want to do right now is to hug some of your pain away, so please, let me hold you"

you melted at her gentle words and understanding nature, cordelia was an incredibly smart woman, who went through traumatic things herself and even from that little information you shared, she understood you. she saw her younger self in you, so incredibly lonely but oh, so scared of being vulnerable with another person, due to the emotional abuse her mother subjected her to, and while she might not have gone through the same things you did, she felt like she understood your feelings in this exact moment and she wanted nothing more than to make you feel safe with her.

you slowly crawled into her lap, still afraid this was all a trick to hurt you, but when she started combing through your hair and reassuringly whispering "i've got you" and "you're here with me, i promise you, you're safe", you relaxed into her arms.

after about half an hour of laying there with each other, calming down and enjoying the other one's warmth, you spoke up.

"delia?"

"yes, my love?"

"so you're not leaving me?", you hesitantly asked.

cordelia sat up and looked straight in your eyes while asking "would you leave someone you love because they're depressed?"

"no, never"

"then tell me, sweetheart, why would i leave you?"

her response left you speechless, you almost missed her confessing her love. "you love me?"

she hugged you tight and pressed a kiss on your forehead. "more than anything, and please, never worry about telling me about what's going on in that pretty little head of yours, no matter what it is, i wanna know, okay?"

you let out the breath you didn't know you were holding and confidently replied "okay"

a few minutes passed before you spoke up again when you remembered you didn't say those 3 special words back.

"i love you too, by the way"

cordelia smiled lovingly and stood up to reach out for your hand and pull you up. "i know, now let's go to bed, we can clean up this place tomorrow"

you accepted her helping hand and engulfed her in a hug. the way she so naturally used the word "we" and didn't seem to mind helping you clean up your mess of an apartment made you more emotional than you'd like to admit.

And while you knew this would not be the last time you were overwhelmed by your depression, you now knew that you could count on the woman who loved you to stand by your side and help you get through even your hardest day.

[mellie1409]

Moving in with the boys

As the playlist and name of the album had been decided, there was only one thing left to do: start practicing all the dances and performances before recording them.

As having two managers and having separated training schedules would be too complicated it had been decided that you would join the boys manager while the agency looked for a new manager for you solo debut the year after.

Sejin was very sweet and understanding with you as you were the only girl and his first decision was having you move in with the boys as you, after all, were a member of BTS.

This was all communicated to you the last day of training as a trainee. The others trainee only new you would debut, but you weren't allowed to tell them in which group or anything about the debut concept. After 10 hours of training they all gave you a hug and you left to look for Sejin's van. There were no party's thrown or any beautiful words said. But you were okay with it, you knew yourself it wasn't easy to see others debut as you stayed behind for who knew how long. You weren't gonna cry, you told to yourself. But as you walked out of the building in to the van, you eyes got watery. They had been your siblings and moral support for so long. You could only wish them the best.

As you walked in to Sejin's van you put your pet on. Now that you were going to debut as a member of the biggest group in Korea, you had to keep your identity a secret. You weren't allowed to be seen with Sejin until you debuted. For this reason, you seated on one of the back seats were the windows were dark coloured.

As you took a deep breath and shook your tears away, Sejin spoke up: 'We will go get your things at the GFriend dorm and then we will go to your new home: BTS dorm'

You were utterly surprised. 'He wants me to live with BTS? But, but... '

'Yes that's right' he answered. It's then that you realized you were thinking out loud. 'I alredy told the boys about it and they are very excited. They have prepared a room for you. ' he continued.

'But what will people think?' that was actually the only thing you were worried about. It's true that you had only met them a few times, but you could already feel a connection with them and knew living with them wouldn't be a problem at all. But you were worried about the consequences it might have for the boys. If people started shipping you with one of the boys... No, that couldn't happen. You had been told when you signed your trainee contract that you weren't allowed to date anyone in the company and that dating scandals would mean a reduction of your pay. No, you would do your best to not let anything happen.

'It's a new situation for everyone' You snapped back to reality. 'I've talked with Namjoon and he has made the boys very aware of the situation. You don't need to worry about them, they will take care of you as if you were their little sister. And about scandals, as long as you don't give opportunities for it to happen, the company will handle them with no problems. ' Sejin said.

By now you were already close to your old dorms. What Sejin had told you, had defenetly eased your nerves but you were still a bit worried. A voice in your head saying that ARMY wouldn't like you living with them.

As you stepped out of the car, a soft brizzle hit your face, somewhat grounding you from those dark thoughts. 'No, this is my time to shine. I'm not going to let anyone take me down'  you thought to yourself.

You stepped into the dorm and the complete silence overwhelmed you. GFriend were still at the company building practicing so you were all alone. It was strange to see the normally so full of cheer and life house so silent and empty now. You were somewhat sad that you didn't have the opportunity to say goodbye to the girls that had adopted you and treated you like one more member. Even though you were excited and happy to debut with BTS, you sometimes thought you would have preferred to debut with GFriend. You were gonna miss them, but at the same time you thought of your bright future. It was a sweet-sour victory for you.

You thought about this as you packed the little clothes you had there. You had left your homecountry with only a few clothes and even though you weren't short in money, the trainee pay wasn't exactly what you would call extensive.

When you were done you took a last look at the dorm that you had so many memories in. The kitchen were you would cook, the living room normally filled with laughter and the room you shared with the other maknaes. You were gonna miss it, but you had a big adventure ahead of you. So you took a deep breath and closed that creaky door one last time before heading back to the car.

Sejin helped you load you luggage onto the back and then you stepped back into the van. It was alredy getting dark and you were tired after such an intense day. As you were driving around Seoul on your way to BTS' dorm, you started to doze off, head filled with wonderful dreams that seemed closer everytime and face full with a sweet smile.

'Y/N, we have arrived. '

You wake up to Sejin opening your door and helping you step out of the van and taking your backpack. As you look around you, you realize it has stopped raining and it's completely dark. You can't see very well around you, but as you inquire in the darkness you start to see the outlining of what you can only call a cute modern apartment building.

You follow Sejin into that building and step into an elevator. As the door open, you heart starts beating faster and faster. You don't know why, but you are nervous. It's true that you had already met them a few times, but this was different, you were about to live with them. See them in their most vulnerable but at the same time most comfy state. You weren't sure if you were prepared to show them as well that side of you.

Right then, you got to the door. Sejin was about to knock on it, when he got a phone call. He quickly answered it and started to leave, turning around to sign you a knocking motion before finally leaving with the elevator ding

You turned around shocked and hesitantly raised your hand to knock. Before you could even give a second knock, the door flew open, two goofy and fun faces apearing through the opening to greet you, together with the smell of meat being grilled.

'Y/N!!! You're finally here!! ' Taehyung says while Jungkook jumps on his back, unable to contain his excitement. But before you can even answer Jimin appears out of nowhere and takes your luggage.

'C'mon Y/N! I'll show you your room! ' he says while starting to run through a corridor to the right.

'No! I want to! ' says Jungkook while jumping off Taehyung's back and chasing Jimin.

You stare at them startled but happy to see they are as cute in real life as in the Run episodes you had once watched and rewatched. Taehyung looks at you with his boxy smile and takes you by the wrist guiding you into the corridor Jungkook and Jimin had once disappeared.

You pass through some closed doors as well as some open ones. You get to peek into one of the rooms and you see a recording studio-like room with white walls and tons of music related stuff. Before you can ask yourself who works there you have already arived where the other two maknaes are.

A beautiful little room at the end of the corridor. It has broken-white walls and a huge window with open curtains. As you look around you start to discover furniture. A double bed in the middle of the right wall, a white wardrobe in the middle of the left wall, a desk in front of the window and a bed side table between the bed and the wall. You can see that a lot of effort has been put in this simple but cozy room, with even a rugmat on the floor in front of the bed.

'Wow, this is just... ' you say as you tear up. You were worried you would feel like a stranger, but this actually felt like home. Them being some welcoming made you emotional and you couldn't stop the tears from flowing.

'Don't you... Don't you like it?' Jungkook asks timidly. You look at the looks on their faces and realize how worried they are.

'No, oh god, I love it. It's just perfect. ' you answer quickly. They give each other relieved glances and as you wipe away the tears that keep falling, Namjoon and J-Hope walk in.

'Boys, what did I tell you? She has just arrived and you have already made her cry? You are unbelievable.' the leader speaks.

The three maknaes at once start running out of the room with cheeky laughters while J-Hope throws a slipper at them in a try to "teach them a lesson".

This whole action makes you laugh and forget about all your worries. This is perfect, this is your new home and those are your new roommates. 'This is gonna be fun' you think to yourself.

After having retrieved his slipper, J-Hope takes a look at you and starts explaining. 'This was our old game room were we would play computer games and just chill on our free days. We did our best to clean it and prepare it for you. We hope you like it. ' he says while smiling.

'We hope you will feel comfortable and at home and please feel free to tell us if any-' Grrrrrr

'Oh no, this can't be happening, did you really just interrupt Namjoon with a rumbling stomach?' you think.

'Woah, someone's hungry! ' J-Hope says with a big smile on his face. 'Jin and Suga are nearly done cooking. '

'Why don't you take a shower and come join us for dinner after? ' Namjoon suggests.

'That would be great, thank you' you agree with a smile.

"Great! Let me show you your private bathroom then" he says while leading the way.

.

.

.

.

.

The shower was great, you felt refreshed and confortable in the clean clothes that you put on.  And you used the shower time to think and absorb everything that had happened in the last few hours.

As you walked out of you room you guided youself to the living room through the smell of food. You walked into a huge room that combined a kitchen with the dining and living room all in one. As you looked around, you saw everyone was there. Suga finishing the cooking while Jin scolded Namjoon for trying to cut the strawberries for dessert with a butter knife. J-Hope was walking around with a spoon full of food trying to get Jungkook to try out (an experiment he had done) and Jimin and Taehyung were setting the table in a competition to try to make it as beautiful as possible.

Looking at this scene made your heart jump in happiness, you were lucky enough to be able to share one year of your life with this amazing human beings and you were going to make the most out of it, after all, you were the 8th member of BTS. And with those happy thoughts you walked in to join the jolly chaos that was BTS' living room.

[onmykneesforhotdilfs]

》Another chance 《

Author's note: I've recently started rewatching Winx club for some reason (mainly because I'm bored out of my mind) and season 3 has always been my favourite, but I've just recently rediscovered it and the chemistry between main protagonist and antagonist in the series aka Bloom and Valtor (some people call him Baltor but I've always called him Valtor and I'll continue to do so). So in honor of those two and the fact that there AREN'T ENOUGH works about them, I present you my take on that.

Pairing: Bloom x Valtor/Baltor aka Sparxshipping (Winx Club)

Warnings: some crude language.

Summary: Bloom didn't destroy Valtor at the end of season 3, instead she offered him a deal. Help and work with her and her friends or spend an eternity frozen in Omega dimension (if she doesn't kill him first).

(The art is not mine, I've found it on google images)

"It was bold of you to come here for sure, but what did you think you were going to archive?"

She bravely locked eyes with him and leveled him with the fiercest glare he had ever seen on her. "I'm here to offer you a deal."

"A deal?" His tone was mocking. "What kind of deal?"

She stood tall and confident. "I want you to make a choice!"

"Between what?" His eyes narrowed.

"Helping me and staying alive and relatively free, or spending another eternity in Omega." Her gaze didn't flutter, she was dead serious.

His eyes widened comically and the only thing that came out of his mouth was, "Why?"

She shrugged. "I don't want to kill you."

Valtor always saw himself as a free man, despite the fact he was never free. The three witches were those that created him and they owned him. Weapon first, person second. And that had never been more apparent than that time when they turned him into a demon against his will. Fucking curse. And there was Bloom. Her and her pathetic friends somehow managed to free all the spells he had stolen over the course of few months. And he also hated to admit, Trix's betrayal hurt more than he had anticipated. And he was ready to face Bloom and destroy her on Andros, but somehow, fairy of the dragon flame, much like his own, convinced him to strike a deal.

Now Valtor would have liked to say he told her to go fuck herself and go out with a bang, but there was this slight problem. He's a coward, simple as that. He didn't want to die. He spent 17 years frozen in that ice block in Omega dimension, but he preferred that over being dead. She showed sympathy and he hated her for that. How come a daughter of his sworn enemies, people that were responsible for the said sentence in Omega, was able to somehow melt his frozen heart? She was everything he was not, but the difference that stung the most was that she was brave. Braver than Valtor has been and ever will be. She somehow managed to forgive him, despite the fact he was the reason her planet, her parents, her sister, her people were no more. He hated her for that.

But as she stood before him in her skimpy Enchantix outfit he found himself... moved by her care. She was smart, there was no denying that fact, and, he grumpily noted, she was beautiful. Long red hair, piercing blue eyes, long, slim legs... she was a vision. And that was the point Valtor really wanted to slap himself, but unfortunately he didn't think it would help his case if he suddenly appeared mentally unstable on top of everything else. So he bit his tongue and locked those thoughts in a remote part of his brain.

"And what would this 'help' consist of? Who exactly would I be helping?" His tone was suspicious and his eyes narrowed once again, giving him that fierce look he was known for.

The fairy of the dragon smirked, something he has never seen her do. It looked surprisingly evil on her. "I want to resurrect Domino." She said it with such a straight face, Valtor almost bursted out laughing. That was, however, until he caught the look in her eyes. My god, she was serious. She was fucking serious.

"You, ehem..." he cleared his throat, "you're serious." The surprise was obviously quite evident on his face and her smirk turned into a full blown grin, her pearly white, straight teeth on full display. "And you want MY help with that? The guy who was responsible for everything that happened?"

She lifted one perfectly shaped eyebrow and said, "I thought that would be a perfect way to redeem yourself."

He gawked at her. "You do realize that the witches still have me under their control, right?" Surely she couldn't be serious. If witches decided to mess with him again, he could go nuts and kill them all. And to be honest, he never wanted to kill any of them. He just wanted them out of his way.

"I have a solution for that as well." She looked so smug and Valtor wanted nothing else but to wipe that stupidly attractive look form her perfect face. He shook out of his trance when she spoke again. "Fairy dust." Two simple words, and yet they meant the world to Valtor. He could finally be free.

"Isn't you Enchantix incomplete? Isn't that way you were unable to shrink yourself in the Golden kingdom? " he saw her flinch. Probably because it was his fault her Enchantix powers weren't complete. "And who's fault is that?" Apparently she felt the need to remind him that herself.

He averted his gaze but he could still see her smirking in his peripheral vision, an obvious sign she wasn't angry. "I'm here aren't I? I'm the only one that is as strong as you, maybe even stronger. So I say we give it a shot." He leveled her with glare that could have made stone cry but it only seemed to amuse her even more. He watched her trying and falling to suppress her giggles and with a shake of his head, he said, "Careful princess, your ego is showing." She giggled even more. He sighed. "So basically, correct me if I'm wrong, you want me to be your guinea pig? Right?"

She smiled sympathetically. "Kind of..." He raised and eyebrow and her shoulders dropped. "Ok, yes. I kinda want you to be a guinea pig." He shook his head but smirked non the less. "Ok fine. Do what you think you have to." Her eyes widened and she grinned confidently. "Didn't expect me to say yes?" She shrugged. "To be honest, no, I wasn't expecting a yes."

"Here we go then." He turned his gaze back on her to see her doing a familiar formation with her fairy dust pendant and his eyes widened slightly in fear when she flew above him to sprinkle the dust onto him. He suddenly felt like he was burning inside out but at the same time he felt lighter than he ever felt in his life. The burn wasn't unpleasant at the beginning but as seconds passed, it was getting more and more uncomfortable. He almost got to the point where he wanted to scream, but at that moment the burning stopped and all his vision went black.

He woke up to the sound of different voices, some of which were concerned and the others were slightly accusatory and disbelieving. He opened his eyes and he slightly panicked when he only saw black, but quickly regained his bearings when he realized he was lying on the ground face first. He groaned and rolled over and the voices got quiet. He could hear a faint sizzling of warm, light magic, meaning it was probably coming from Stella, fairy of the sun and moon. "Bloom..." he managed through his raspy throat that felt like it had been washed with sand. He propped himself on his elbows and turned his gaze to the redheaded fairy. She was surrounded by her friends and the specialists and the message they were sending was clear, if wanted Bloom he'd have to go through them all. Too bad Valtor had no ill intentions anymore towards them, especially Bloom. He smirked and locked eyes with her. "...let's not do that again."

To be continued...

[veterveter]

YO MANU THIS FINALLY CAME THROUGH I'LL LIKE READ AND DO COMMENTARY AND EDIT THIS LATER BUT I WANTED TO POST IT WHILE I HAD IT!!!!

Bless, tumblr finally working for you.

Anyway, here's the post from @delirious-and-slightly-murderous

So seeing as Tumblr hates me, I'm trying this darling, hope it reaches you.

So just read rat king.

[You should all totally read rat king if you haven't yet, it's fun I promise :) But also read Manu's commentary on it!!]

Tuuli I hope you know I love you and completely adore you and I am in awe of you but right now I HATE YOU. 

You broke me AGAIN. And I was just mending myself.

This was great and beautiful and fantastic and completely awful and the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. 

I'm crying.

So now I'm going to make a habit of coming to scream at you on tumblr every time you post something. 

You already know how I feel about your characterization and Andrés' POV and the angst. So there, it applies here too.

Here we go you awful and magnificent goddess.

“Martín,” Sergio clarified, moving up his glasses, the prescription of which was much too weak for his continuously worsening eyesight, “I think you should stop sleeping with him: Yes, Segio and his judgement. That couldn't not be there. But Andrés and Martín are sleeping together? I know this is going to hurt.

Martín was a constant in his life, something carried over from before. Martín? Martín wasn’t a problem; Martín was the only one thing that was good: at least here he appreciates him. Thank god.

Before, he would have found some entirely healthier way of loving his soulmate. Maybe they would have even had an old-world relationship, eventually. Andrés felt like he might have liked that, once. He knew Martín would have loved it: 😭 I want this for them and it hurts that it's simply not going to happen. I'm afraid of the MCD tag, Tuuliiiiiiiiiiii! Who did you kill, you murderous genius?

Andrés needed Martín, desperately. Too desperately to love him the way he should have: I'm going to die. He could at least try but nooooo, god forbid the day Andrés de Fonollosa makes things simple for anyone.

Andrés could see the way orgasms had loosened some of the tensions that so often gripped his body, and he hoped Sergio could too.😏

 If Andrés had to choose only one, he would have certainly chosen— : repressed asshole. I hope that was going to end with the word Martín. Why are you even getting married? What's even the point. But I see Andrés will continue to be emotionally stunted even when the world is ending.

Martín and Sergio had gotten along well, before. Andrés could remember so many pleasant evenings, just the three of them and a bottle of wine. But ever since they had to move to this base, the tensions had been palpable. They were both desperately trying to keep them alive, but were constantly disagreeing on the how: I'm starting to like Sergio more than Andrés here, how is that possible? How? See what you do Tuuli?

He turned around at the doorway and left the room, because he had no doubts about it: they would listen to him: Andresito, you are being too egocentric, this is not going to end well, for anyone.

Andrés understood just enough to know he was proud.: I don't know how to feel about this Andrés. I can't.

Andrés always tried not to take the slights of this brave new world personally – it was cruel, but they all had to endure loss of unspeakable magnitude – but this? Having to choose between his Martín and his brother?: Oh no, Oh no, NO. This isn't fair. Why do I get the terrible feeling we already know who he's going to choose? Please DON'T do this.

Andrés knew with unwavering certainty that either one of them would be willing to do it, and that they would consider it a great big favour to Andrés, and not the horrifying curse it truly was. He was the one who would have to pay the ultimate price, and live, knowing how much it had cost: Everything always has to be about you, doesn't it Andrés. You fucking deserve it.

Andrés could appreciate such a malleable room, because it reminded him of Martín, who always became what Andrés needed him to be.😡😭💔

Martín had never cared about plants, before. Actually, he seemed to have held a certain disdain for them. He had always said they were stupid and lifeless. Now he was looking at these ones, their lifeline, and he was filled with reverence and sorrow. If Andrés could have given him one thing, he would have liked to return to him his complete disregard for flora, and all the things it had since then come to imply: This hurts, and not only for obvious reasons. But nature? Fuck right in the feels.

Martín was entirely too pretty to look like this. They hadn’t even been having sex, because suddenly Martín looked like his eternally calcium-deficient bones might now break from the strain. Pretty Martín yeah! And you are a genius. Now this is my official headcanon as to why Martín drinks milk, he has fragile bones, the poor baby.

The weird walking corpse at the table smiled, and it almost made him resemble Martín.: He's already halfway dead. The MCD tag is him isn't it? I hate you Tuuli.

Andrés had to remind himself that he was lucky to have this. He may have had so many better things, before, but now he had this, and that was good. They had it better than most, him and Martín, for they had each other. Andrés still had his brother, and now he would have his wife, too. He was lucky: Not for long, buddy. And you deserve it. Poor Sergio I normally hate him but gosh.

“No,” Andrés said without waiting for a single beat, because he couldn’t let Sergio think he considered it. Even though he almost— “No, I don’t. I want you two, both of you, to figure out a way. A different way.”: He loves them both and he accepts it? Why does the world have to be ending.

Andrés tried not to think too much about Martín from before, but sometimes he did anyway. That night, as he wrapped his arms around Martín’s pathetic, weak and shivering frame, he thought about his true soulmate, the one this body had once belonged to.: Now I understand Martín sacrificing himself is the only way. He's already dead. And because of Andrés no less. How tragic.

Andrés had never said it back.

That night, he didn’t say it back.: Now Martín is going to die and it'll be horrible isn't it? Tuuli I want to murder you.

I’m so sorry, Andrés,” Sergio said quietly, slowly reaching out a hand to touch his shoulder.

Andrés recoiled from it, sharply. “No,” he snapped, “No. We are all going to die. Say those words, Sergio. We are all going to die.” He had made his peace with death long ago. There were worse things, many things so much more horrifying—

“We are not all going to die,” Sergio said, “The generator—” His words were cut off by Andrés’s hand on his throat, squeezing.: You are the king of denial, bad decision, being stupid, emotionaly stunned and not appreciating your soulmate enough Andrés. You deserve all the pain.

“He doesn’t deserve that,” Andrés said, his voice breaking again as he thought of it, Martín’s body, his corpse, frozen and preserved like that for as long as they would live. Martín, out there, while Andrés was in here, unable to ever go and give him even a proper burial. He had always been able to give Martín so little, and in death he would fail him yet again: I really have no words for this. But Martín being forever preserved out there and Andrés knowing that and not being able to mourn him. That is genius and it hurts and it's the perfect ending for them.

Andrés had never told him. Not once. How could he be certain that Martín had known? How could he insist that Martín, the brightest of them all, had known, when Andrés had never told him? Martín operated in words – how could Andrés have forced him to read his love in a language he didn’t even speak?: Now you confront your feelings too late, like always you repressed asshole. You deserve all the pain.

God, he wished Martín hadn’t been so bright. That he had been an idiot, dim-witted and slow like the rest of them.

Then the two of them would have let all of humanity perish.: You already murdered me with 'stay a while' and now this. Tuuli I'm coming back as a vengeful ghost and haunting your perfect ass.

So yeah, I don't have words but that's what I could spit out.

And Tuuli, you know the thing I showed you about the spider? Well when I finished reading this I was crying and wailing. My professor came running because he thought it was another spider or something even worse like a serpent.

When he asked what was going on I was in such a state I could only say 'rat' like a dumbass. 

RAT.

Like seriously? And when he asked again I said Rat king fic and pointed vaguely to my phone. 

He thought I was talking about an actual rat.

So imagine this. We are there, at night (in Costa Rica nightfall is around 6:00pm all year round, so now it's 9:00pm and here in the tropical rainforest it gets Dark), camping in the middle of nowhere in the wild with a tropical storm falling over our heads and I start crying about Rats. 

Congratulations Tuuli, you put me in such a state that I managed to send the whole of 9 biologists into a frenzy, frantically checking out the tents over an imaginary giant rat. 

It was literally terror in the jungle. 

I wanted the earth to shallow me. I didn't know how to explain that all that circus was because of a fucking fic.

I think now I no longer have satelital internet rights.

I hate you.

(P.S: But don't worry I still absolutely adore you, even if now I am the laughing stock of my fellows 🥰😘♥️)

Here have my friend the spider to show how I'm feeling.

[neoarchipelago]

Lisbon Lights (part 5) (John Wick x Assassin!reader)

AN: so there will be another chapter after this cuz... It was too long. Thats why. And then Lisbon lights will be over and I'll go on writing about my other fics. Who need to also be finished. I hope I didn't forget to tag anyone, the last chapter will contain some smuttttt so yeah.

Word count: 2651

Warnings: blood violence swearing

------

The look of shock on Luana's face was priceless. She looked utterly panicked. You would have have enjoyed this moment if it wasn't for your own heart beating loudly in your chest. He had come. Why? He hated you. He was here. Making his way up to you. And you were currently useless, tied up and unable to move, a bit of blood dripping from your collarbone. You were desperate to do something, help him, but the tugging on your ropes were only causing you to bruise yourself. 

When Luana finally reacted, screaming at her men to get prepared, you smirked. Prepared for what? Death? John wasn't going to be beaten up by some low level handman. The gunshots were incredibly loud to you. You were after all, a 'knife' person more than anything, but right now, those gunshots were deafening. Clearly it wasn't because of the overwhelming anxiousness and fear for John's safety. No. You were pushing that aside. You watched as three man ran to the door, walking out and slamming it behind. 

There you were. Locked up with your worst enemy. And one of you was obviously going to die. You both looked at each other as the silence between you two settled in like a heavy smoke. You watched, your breath catching in your throat as she reached for, once again, something you had not noticed before. The shiny silver of the gun reflected with the setting sun. Yes. One of you was going to die. And right now, it was unsure of who. 

You frowned. Taking a deep breath. You surely weren't going to show weakness now. This wasn't you. If you were to die before John arrived you wanted to die like you lived, with pride. Behind the mask of this tremendous lie you told yourself however, you were begging for John to run in. To hurry. And shoot her before she could shoot you. 

What happened after was still a blur. Your mind still trying to grasp what truly happened in the second after. The loud noise, the body, the blood. Where did he even come from? How did he manage to shoot her without a second thought. You remember gasping, and your eyes filling with tears for a second as you stared at the now dead body of your enemy. You remember the feeling heavy feeling of relief as you closed your eyes for a second. And silence settling in again. 

When you opened your eyes to look at John, he looked like shit. His bloody shirt and messed up hair. The furious look on his face. For once in your life, as he walked up to you, you showed no pride nor hid your true feelings. You were worried. 

"John…" you whispered, surprised by the way your voice slightly cracked. 

As he sat on the same red velvet couch Luana sat in front of you with a sigh you simply gazed at him. 

"You are infuriating. Do you know that?" He simply let out. 

In any other situation, your silver tongue would have returned the attack but you simply nodded. John frowned.

"Do you always behave so recklessly?" He asked again. 

You took a second to take in the question. Was there even a good answer to this? 

"Sometimes…" you answered, the ghost of a smirk on your lips. 

He chuckled. And you felt light again. He leant forward and looked at you. He seemed to think for a second. 

"I… I'm sorry for the hurtful things I've said." 

You blinked. What? He was apologizing? You literally had put this man through hell, you made him, single-handedly destroy an empire to come and save you, and he was worried about the mean thing he had said? 

"What..?" You blurred out.

He looked fidgety for a second, probably wondering how was he going to apologise more profusely. This man was unbelievable.

"John! Stop being and idiot! You just saved my life!" You let out.

"It doesn't really justify-..." He started.

"It doesn't. But you're completely forgiven…" you interrupted. "And…" your voice broke again. 

John seemed to notice and a worried expression settled on his handsome features, especially as his eyes scanned the small cut on your collarbone. 

"And… I'm sorry I was so reckless… I'm sorry I didn't follow the plan…" you were trying your best to hold in the tears now. 

You had to admit, your pride was currently being murdered in cold blood but, you didn't remember anyone risking their life to save yours. Or even apologizing for calling you a bitch. John suddenly looked almost panicked. The situation was unreal. You were crying, stammering some pitiful apology, tied up to a chair in a hotel full of dead bodies as John looked truly panicked because the brat looked like a pained child.

"And I.. I put you in danger and I'm sorry…and thank you… for saving me..." you finished, looking at the interesting blood splatter on the carpet.

John quickly rushed over, grabbing a knife he had kept you didn't even know where, and you quickly felt the ropes that trapped you fall off. You didn't hesitate one second to lunge for him, tackling him with a hug. No one was witnessing it, right? It couldn't hurt. John's arms quickly wrapped themselves around as you hid your face in his neck. You stayed like this for a minute. Soothing each other. The wild ride was more or less over now and the tension was finally dropping. You sighed, getting lost in the smell of cologne, blood and sweat. 

"Let's go back to the hotel, we need to check your wound." 

You closed your eyes over the vibration in his chest as he spoke. He was worried about your small cut when he looked far more fucked up. Unbelievable. 

"It's just a scratch… you look worse Mr Wick." You let out softly. 

He groaned and you smiled. 

"Come on. Don't be a brat." He warned. 

You chuckled, and remembered how he had referred to you when he spoke to Luana. 'his kitten'. 

"Moew." You simply let out. 

And he groaned again. 

----

It was well over 9 pm now. You sat on the couch of the suite you shared with John. You were starving. John and you had gone back to the hotel and he had not allowed you to leave his side more than a minute. You had obviously both been checked by a doctor as soon as you had walked in the hotel and Amalia had seen you. You couldn't escape the screaming fit from Amalia over your recklessness and the mess you both had caused. And when you finally had a moment of peace, in your suite, you were alone. And starving. John was with Amalia, taking care of God knows what. It was the only exception he had done to 'leave you alone and unsupervised' as he had quoted. Not that you could do anything. In this room. Alone. 

You sighed. You were finally back in 'vacation'. But the heart wasn't there anymore. You felt bad. You felt useless and a burden. You were unable to take care of yourself and had put John in danger. Your mind was running on so many things. 

Guilt. From all the events of the past few hours. 

Disappointment, in yourself. For not being able to be the woman you had fought to be for so long.

Fear. From all the emotions you were feeling, towards John mostly. 

Your thoughts were interrupted by the door opening. Your eyes falling on John's ones immediately. The way your heart raced was trouble. You smirked up at him. He looked annoyed. Making his way to the couch, he let himself fall down on it with a sigh. You chuckled. 

"Amalia is a lot of work… isn't she?" You asked. 

John simply hummed. 

You looked at him. The way his hair fell softly. His eyes closed, laying back on the couch. Yes. The way your heart jumped was trouble. What was even this? Friendship? Simple affection?... Love? You swallowed dry for a second as you looked away. Shifting on your seat. 

"What's wrong?" You jumped, and he frowned, his obsidian eyes now on you. 

You smirked at him again, a bit of maliciousness. 

"I'm hungry Mr Wick. Why hasn't my babysitter tried to feed me yet?" You let out in a overly dramatic voice. 

He rolled his eyes and you let yourself soften again. You stared at him, and he looked back at you. Confusion settled in, as a question was burning your lips. And it probably showed on your face, because he sat up straight again. 

"(Y/N), what's wrong?" His tone was more demanding. 

"What now?" You surprised yourself asking out. 

God. He was turning you into his kitten! You should worry about that, but the silence after the question was much more terrifying to you. He was leaving now. Obviously. He was done with his job. What were you even thinking? 

You forced yourself to chuckle. Turning back to your old self.

"I suppose Mr Wick is needed elsewhere. And I can now take my vacation in peace…" you let out in a almost sickening lie.

John simply frowned again. The intensity of his gaze on you was suddenly making you nervous. And you lost your smile. 

"Is that what you want?" The words made you freeze.

No. Stay. But nothing came out of your mouth. You just stared at him. He wasn't speaking. He was actually waiting for you to answer. Facing now the most important decision of your life your hands were almost shaking. What should you say? The truth? Let yourself be finally weak… in front of wick? Or were you better living your lonely life? Of course, nothing could change your free mind. Nothing could change the strong woman you were. But were you willing to ask for someone to share it with you? It was scary. What if he said no? What if it wasn't what he wanted? Were you willing to let yourself be hurt? 

Taking in a shaky breath you looked at his expecting eyes. No words escaping your mouth, suddenly too dry to even let out a sound. You. The mouthrunner. So you shook your head, like a sad child. A pained look on your face. 

Now wasn't that pitiful? You weren't even able to speak up your feelings. What a truly fucked up mind you had. However when John's face instantly softened you could feel yourself finally let some hope in. Actually. It made you brave. And as John was about to speak, your heart spilled.

"No. It's not what I want." 

John looked surprised.

"Stay a bit. I can't force you. But… stay. Let me show you the city. I won't be your tour guide…" 

John glared at you, the thought of your first encounter making you smile. 

"But I'd like to think I can show a… friend… around… after all, you saved my life." 

Silence. Way too long. 

"But if you have stuff to do…" you started again, trying to brush it off. 

"Stop. I'm taking a week of vacation too. I'm staying." He simply let out. 

You took a moment to look at him, to gaze into his beautiful obsidian eyes. The smile you both harbored could have tipped anyone off on what you both truly felt. But there was only two blind fools in the room at the moment. 

"Shall we go dinner?" His rough voice rang.

You chuckled. 

"I'm starving, yes." 

----

The sun was warm on your skin, a high contrast to the icy cup of strawberry mojito in your hand. There, on a small corner of the beach, you sat next to the baba yaga, who sipped on a cup of bourbon. 

The week had been quite fun. You had spent your time running around Lisbon during the day, showing him off how beautiful and interesting the city was. Sometimes passing by some secret little place only people like you and John could enter in. You had made a priority to show off all the best restaurants for every dinner during the week and then walked around the crowded and eventful streets. It was really enjoyable. To you and to him. But none would ever actually confess such a thing. 

However, for as much enjoyable this all was, you could see and notice how John had been more cold in the last 24h. Yes, the week was ending. And John's phone had been ringing much more often, leading to frowns and angry little groans from him. It made you smirk. The underground world could not keep turning without the baba yaga. It was only a matter of time.

You sipped at your drink once more as John's phone rang. Again. You contained a chuckle as John answered the call with an annoyed 'yes?'. You looked around the beach, trying not to pay attention to what was going on next to you. The situation was quite tricky, In the end, for you and him. You had grown overly fond of the man, and you could tell, to some extent, that he did as well. The snarky comments and sarcasm being the perfect communication between both of you. But everything ends. And perhaps time was up.

You had been so used to being alone that you never allowed anyone to get close to you. And somehow this man, who could make people run away just by the mention of his name had managed to pass through all your walls. Now you couldn't possibly see yourself asking him to stay. You probably wouldn't stay here either. You had to work, Lisbon was just the little piece of heaven where you came to hide when you needed a break. Your city. You sighed, frowning slightly. You almost regretted having tasted this feeling of care and affection. You were getting addicted to it. 

"(Y/n)?"

You slowly tilted your head to the man next to you. Eyes wide open. Had he said something?

"Are you alright?" He asked. 

You blinked. 

"Yes. Of course I am." You answered quite quickly. 

He stared at you and you rolled your eyes. 

"Are you being needed somewhere else mister wick?" You let out in an amused voice looking away again and sipping your drink. 

"Vacations lasts as long as I want." He tried to debate.

You smirked, looking at him knowingly before chuckling at his annoyed glare. 

"Vacations in this profession, lasts as long as another job doesn't show up. And jobs, isn't what you are lacking of currently by the amount of fucking phone calls you've been having." You let out, cursing the slight annoyance out of you. 

"Language young lady." He reprimanded. 

You rolled your eyes. 

"Don't be so jealous, you have all my attention daily, a few minutes a day won't kill you." He added, obviously messing with you. 

"I am a very possessive woman mister wick. You might tell that to the person who keeps calling you." You simply replied in the same tone. 

"I'll make sure to tell Charon about it." He nodded with a smirk. 

You smirked back. But the heart wasn't entirely there. Everything ends. Yes. You sighed once more, making John look worried for a second. Looking away you swallowed dry for a second. You kept repeating to yourself the same two words. Everything ends. 

"I'm taking you to a place tonight for dinner. It'll be our last dinner so I'll make it special." You spoke, a malicious smile on your lips as you glanced back at John.

You froze for a second, the frown on his features was confusing. Was he angry, sad, or had you crossed some kind of line? It took him another second before he finally nodded and looked away. This wouldn't be easy for any of you. You had to brace yourself for it. 

----

Tags: @cap-just-said-language @linbrw @crystalcrysalis19 @thatbemyhouse @magdazwolska @coloursunlimited @baphtometwolf666 @tomhardy41 @92lnbr @moonlit-raven-haven @siren-queen03 @paanchu786 @wickedbarnes

[carry-on-snowbazzing]

My 5 best of 2020 (in 2021 😂)

1. A summer day ☀

"Well, Baz! Do you want to move?" Penelope yelled, already in the car (a certain MG dated 1967).

Simon studied his own reflection in the rearview mirror, running a hand through his bronze curly tuft and resulting in even more messiness.

"A minute!" was the answer from a few floors above the apartment.

Penelope rolled her eyes and picked up her Iphone.

Shortly after, hurried footsteps were heard coming down the stairs and Baz, after closing the door, got into the car.

Simon leaned out of the back seat and kissed him on the cheek.

He smiled and, starting the engine, exclaimed:

"Destination: fun!"

  Later there were four of them getting out of the car: Baz with a beach umbrella over his shoulder, Simon struggling with a giant inflatable pink flamingo, Penelope with a cooler bag, and Agatha with another bag, containing beach towels and sunscreen.

"The weather forecasts were right; today’s a perfect day for the sea," Penelope commented as she slipped off her flip-flops and dropped her bag into the sand.

"Edward shines like a fairy!" Simon yelled, putting on a pair of sunglasses and pointing to Baz.

"Stop it, Snow," he laughed, "and give me my glasses back; all this sunshine stuns me."

Trying to ignore them, Agatha took off her cover-up and began to rub off the protection angrily.

"Whoever dives himself last is a pixie!" Simon yelled, throwing his t-shirt and starting to run towards the sea with Penelope at his heels.

Several splashes and laughter later, the two returned wet, smiling and hungry.

Meanwhile, Baz and Agatha had dedicated themselves to crossword puzzles and to the horoscope.

"Agatha, there must be some butter and turkey sandwiches in the cooler," Penelope said as she wrapped herself in her towel.

"I couldn't find anything better for you than beef carpaccio," she said to Baz.

He smiled making 'OK' with both thumbs.

"And for me?" Agatha asked, offended that her friend hadn't thought of her too.

"Fruit salad" she replied. "I know you're on a vegetarian diet."

Agatha blushed feeling a little guilty and muttered something like "Oh, thank you".

Everyone literally devoured their lunch, because, as Simon ruled on his fifth butter sandwich, "The sea makes you hungry."

They gossiped a bit about their old classmates, wondering if Gareth still had his belt buckle as a wand and if Trixie had a fight with his girlfriend.

  They lost track of time after falling asleep in the early afternoon sun.

It was the sound of a notification that woke Agatha, who, after seeing her mother's message ('Where are you? Coven party tonight!'), made a shrill sound that woke the others too.

"Damn, I'm in mega-delay!" she complained, sitting up and hastily gathering his things.

Seeing her so agitated, no one dared contradict her and they hurried too.

Before leaving for the return, all already in the car, Simon took out a Polaroid from the trunk (not an easy feat, given the bulky mass of the flamingo) and urged them:

"Wait! Say 'cheese'!"

Everyone posed, waiting for the flash.

Once the picture was taken, Simon reached for the film that had just come out of the instant camera, but found himself clutching a slice of Emmental in his fingers.

Baz couldn't help himself and laughed uncontrollably.

"Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch!" Simon bursted, but he couldn't bear a grudge and joined in the general laughter.

___________________________________________________

2. Shopping (Big & Little) 🥄

"They'll be emptying the mall, those two" Agatha commented, looking at the clock on the kitchen wall and adding another egg to the bowl.

"Probably" replied Penelope, who was handling the curry risotto.

"They've been away for three hours!" Agatha insisted, "and with two credit cards!".

Penelope gave her a look like 'what can we do?' and again consulted the handwritten note attached to the refrigerator with a magnet (shaped like a scone).

"Oh, I forgot the onion!" she moaned after a quick glance, "my mother would kill me if she knew!".

She went back to the stove and for a few minutes they remained silent, one intent on vigorously banging the whips, the other busy slicing the bulb.

Once Agatha had baked the chocolate cake (wiping a non-existent sweat with her glove) and Penelope had remedied her mistake, the girls dropped onto the sofa.

They were just debating which movie to watch that night when they heard the key turn in the lock and Simon exclaim from the entrance:

"We’re at home!"

The two joined them in the living room and Baz asked:

"Curry and chocolate?"

Penelope nodded.

"Sometimes I wish I was a vampire; just smell a dish to understand if the doses are right or wrong," she sighed.

"Shopping?" Agatha asked, looking at the numerous envelopes they both had in their hands and casting a reproachful look at Simon.

"There were the sales" he tried to justify himself, shrugging his shoulders.

"Hurry up; you’ll show us your spoils of war after dinner" Penelope ordered.

  "What do you think?" Simon began, smugly showing a set of jeans for Baz and a giant jar of sour cherries scones.

Penelope seemed to try not to roll her eyes.

"I stayed on the intellectual side" Baz said, pulling a stack of books and a pack of pastel highlighters out of a bag.

"I need them for the college" he explained to Agatha, who was trying to get hold of the markers.

"And you haven't seen the piece of resistence!" Simon shrieked, grabbing a smiling Baz by the wrist and dragging him into the nearest room.

They came out moments later walking backwards (in what was supposed to be an imitation of Michael Jackson's moonwalk), so they could only see their backs.

"3, 2, 1 ..." Baz counted.

"Ta daaaan!" Simon exclaimed as they turned at the same time.

They wore matching gray sweatshirts; both had a black molded spoon.

'Big' was written on Baz's, while Simon's 'Little'.

"Awww" the girls screamed in unison, in the grip of a fangirl attack (which managed to make Agatha look adoring too).

"We have a pair for you too" Baz said, handing Penelope a black t-shirt with 'Brownie' on it, while Simon gave Agatha a white one with 'Blondie' on it.

"Thanks, guys" Penelope murmured moved and Agatha initiated a group hug.

photos references

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3. Anniversary 💞

here

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4. Ops! 🧴

 Simon knocked for the tenth time on the bathroom door:

"Occupied!" Baz yelled for the tenth time.

"And sorry, but I can't hold it anymore anymore ..."

Simon abruptly released the handle, abandoning his irritated tone.

He let out a cry, muffled by the hands that he immediately brought to his mouth.

Baz was shirtless in front of the mirror, glaring at his own reflection.

Everything was perfectly normal, except for his hair: it had turned from raven to red.

Fawn red.

"If you tell anyone about this, Snow, I will end you" he growled menacingly.

Simon stood there, speechless. When he had regained the use of his mouth, he barely stifled a laugh and intoned:

“Weasley is our king

he always lets the Quaffle in ... "

From Baz's look, he knew it would be wiser to stop, so he did it.

He approached cautiously and asked gently:

"What happened to you?".

"I wish I knew; I was taking a normal shampoo shower" sighed Baz.

Meanwhile Simon had reached the sink and was looking closely at the bottle of the citron and bergamot scented blend.

"It doesn't seem to have anything strange" he then ruled, placing it back on the shelf.

"Indeed; I went to get it from my home in Hampshire; Daphne can only find it in our town's herbalist's shop," Baz replied sadly.

"I really can't explain it" he went on, unable to get over it.

"My sister gave it to me ..." he stopped suddenly.

He clapped her forehead and turned on the lock screen of his smartphone.

"Today is April 1st," he murmured.

He took the vial in one hand and, with the ivory wand in the other, exclaimed:

"Show me your secrets!".

The writing on the label changed from 'Shampoo with citrus notes' to 'Permanent color intense red'.

"MORDELIAAAAA!" he screamed as Simon rolled with laughter.

"April Fool!" he managed to exclaim between a laugh and another.

That’s totally inspired by a fanart of @vkelleyart​ 💖 :  that 

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5. Trick or treat? 👻

 "Well, Baz! If you don't move, we'll only have the sub-brand candy left!" Simon railed.

With all the peace of mind he could, Baz went down the stairs and joined his screaming boyfriend, who was immediately silent at his sight.

"Morgana, Basilton; you really mean it" Penelope commented, watching him as she lit another candle to put in the Jack o 'lanterns carved by Simon and Baz (which occupied all the flat surfaces of the apartment).

"I've been doing some accurate researches over the last week" he began, making a theatrical gesture in his vampire cloak.

"You even have the same jacket as Gary Oldman" she observed excitedly.

He, in response, gave her a perfidious look, baring his fangs.

Simon was still in his silence and couldn't take his eyes off him.

"What's up Snow, the cat got your tongue?" Baz asked, amused.

He answered with a tongue sticking out and approached him with a raised eyebrow (in perfect Baz style).

"Wow" he commented after kissing him on the cheek.

"Enjoy yourselves!" Penelope exclaimed as they came out hand in hand.

  "Where do we go now?" Baz asked.

Simon moved with great ease between one bell and another, meticulously illustrating the specialties offered by each house.

His phrases were: "Here you can always find top quality stuff", or "No, better to avoid an indigestion".

After scouring all the houses on the first five blocks, Simon had an epiphany.

"For a thousand snakes! Baz, we absolutely have to go to the 'Spooky night' party!" he screamed, making him jump.

"Crowley, Snow! Calm down!" he retorted irritably, adjusting the cuffs of his shirt.

"You don't understand," Simon insisted.

"Our loot is loser when compared to everything you can find there; Strawberry Blood Drip, Every Flavour Beans, Pumpkin PIE, Butterbeer and, hold on ... Oreo with Orange Cream!"

Baz, seeing him so excited ('like a child', he thought), couldn’t say no to him (although he wanted to go home more than anything else; his feet protested against Count Dracula's boots).

"And where would it be?" he asked, trying not to smile.

"A couple of blocks from here; hurry up!" Simon urged him, taking him by the hand and starting to run.

  "A delusion!" Simon snapped, leaving the bag full of sweets on the doormat.

"What happened?" Penelope asked Baz, who had just closed the door behind him and limped desperately as he headed for the sofa.

"In short at that damn party they had finished everything and told us our costumes sucked" he explained.

Simon was with his arms folded, all sulking, sitting in the armchair.

"Look at their costumes! And let me have something to eat, rather!" he barked.

Penelope approached him and, looking at him tenderly, reassured him:

"We always have our repertoire of horror films."

Simon shrugged, hitting the nearby lamp.

"And I was prepared for any eventuality," she went on, snapping her fingers and popping up a pack of Oreos with orange cream.

Simon's face cleared, illuminated by a huge grin.

__________________________________________________

Ty @letraspal​ for tagging me 💕

That’s all; hope u like it!  💜

Happy new Year! ✨

[nobodyfamousposts]

I dare you to give that "Adrien accidentally slips out that he knows" a happy ending. But... Only after years of suffering for Adrien and the class. I've never read one of those salty fics with years of consequences, usually it is solved very quickly. Like, they could all met again bc they go the same uni and on their first year they get the chance to make up for Marinette for their fuck up. Can you do that, give them a happy ending? Can you can you? I DARE YOU ANGST QUEEN THIS IS A CHALLENGE

A challenge you say?

Very well.

Lila has been outed. Her manipulations revealed. Not only to the class but the administration as well. She’s removed from the class and sent to alternative placement due to truancy and delinquency, as well as remedial classes. With Lila gone, it’s expected for that to be the end of it. The rest of the class nods to each other, says she deserved it, and figured that now things can get better.

Things don’t get better.

The class is still angry. Adrien is a target of that anger. No one bullies him—not technically. But he is persona non grata in the class. Nobody actively hurts him, but no one will talk to him. Even Nino. No one will interact with him with the sole exception of Chloe. She does her best to defend him and act as a buffer, but it doesn’t help. Honestly, Adrien feels being ignored hurts worse than if the class actively bullied him.

He manages a couple more months before he can’t take it anymore. He stops coming and goes back to home schooling. If he’ll be lonely regardless, it’d be better if he was actually lonely alone. The rest of the class nods to each other, says it’ll be better with him gone, and figured things can get better.

Things don’t get better.

Chloe is outraged. Whatever progress she’s made is undone and she regresses to full bullying mode. She makes a daily habit of throwing out cruel words and sharp barbs that reduce people to tears and have her sent to the Principal’s office with little repercussion. Eventually, she has enough and joins Adrien in home schooling so he won’t be alone. The rest of the class heaves giant sighs of relief, thank the heavens she’s gone, and figure that now things can get better.

Things don’t get better.

It’d be inaccurate to say that Marinette was the “heart of the class” or the “glue” that kept everyone together, but she did play a big part in it. None of them had been particularly close originally, after all. They stuck to smaller cliques and did nothing to defend each other from Chloe or other bullies. And this usually meant Marinette got the brunt of it—she hated the first day of school for a reason, after all. When she finally stood up for herself, she helped to encourage the rest of them to as well. Slowly they started to open up and become friends as a whole.

But being lied to and manipulated has made them wary of others. As has losing a good friend. After everything, the class members subconsciously start to withdraw into themselves. They don’t interact as a big group anymore. Maybe they’ll hang out in twos or threes, but like Chloe, they reverted to their original states of limited friendships and limited interactions outside of those friendships.

Any attempts to talk to Marinette fail. They can’t reach her by phone. They don’t know where she’s going to school now. Talking to her parents gets them nowhere. They have no way of knowing how to even begin to find her.

They don’t get to apologize or make things right.

Nino and Alya break up. Nino tried to support Alya, but leaving Adrien like that did hurt him just as realizing what she lost with Marinette had hurt her. And despite how much time had passed, Alya was still SO ANGRY about it. It was negative and unhealthy, with more fighting and less ability to actually enjoy being together. For all that they may have wanted to, they weren’t able to really support each other the way they needed. Ultimately, they just couldn’t keep the relationship going. They sit on opposite sides of the class now, with Nino burying himself in his music and Alya almost obsessing solely over the Ladybug and her dedication to truth.

Things…don’t get better. Any new students to the class quickly request to leave. The next year, they are all separated into new classes with maybe only two of them in the same class at once, and the tension is at least slightly relieved. But they remain distant from others, still feeling the pain of the previous lies they fell for and either unwilling or unable to trust anyone.

Nino dates Mireille for a short time. It doesn’t work out. It hurts, because he still feels like a failure whether as a friend or as a boyfriend, that regardless of what he does, he can’t be what anyone needs.

Alya dates no one. Dating and romance get in the way and distract her from the truth. It hurts, because she still blames her relationship with Nino for causing her to so readily push her best friend to the back as she did.

Adrien dates a lot of people. It’s never confirmed if they were arranged relationships or not. Adrien never seems to care. Not about the relationships or the people he’s supposed to be involved with. He becomes known as a heartbreaker, and a number of akumas were created due to him.

He loses a lot of what made him bright. The “Sunshine Child” is more of a “Downpour” and his modeling ends up reflecting that. This actually helps the company, as people love the emo boy image. It does cause a number of other models and workers to be concerned about him, though.

Chat Noir is different. Sadder. More despondent. Joking less. Not flirting at all. If it wasn’t for Ladybug encouraging him, he probably would have quit altogether. She becomes the only good thing he has left and he is desperate not to lose her. Ladybug has concerns about his co-dependency, but can’t bring herself to force a conversation about it. She simply tries to support him as best she can.

College ends. Graduation is something obligatory rather than an achievement to enjoy.

University begins.

Marinette stands on the steps, contemplating her future and trying to take steadying breaths before she enters those doors.

She hears her name called out and turns to see a surprised Adrien behind her.

She blinks back in surprise herself, having not expected to see him again, but she smiles politely and greets him back.

He looks relieved to see her, though she doesn’t quite know why. A few minutes are spent talking. About where they are now. About their classes. About their plans for the future. And not once does Marinette stutter—she’s sure her 14 year old self would be proud. Or die of shock.

But class is about to start and they have to go. Before Marinette can completely turn away, Adrien grabs her hand.

She turns back to look at him and nearly starts in surprise. There are tears in his eyes and he smiles brokenly. He looks almost fragile—like one brush of wind would be enough to break him.

He asks her if they can meet sometime soon. For coffee maybe? It’s good to see her again and he…needs to talk to her about some things.

Marinette smiles gently and agrees. Adrien looks overjoyed. They come up with a time and place, then part ways with a smile.

University ends up becoming a time for reunions, apparently. Because sure enough, for the next several weeks, Marinette ends up running into a lot of her old classmates. Max in math class. Rose in literature. Kim runs into her when they’re both on their way to the athletics department and happen to cross paths. Juleka happens upon her in the bathroom. Alix nearly runs her over in her skates. Nathaniel is in the art class after hers. She happens upon Ivan and Mylene during lunch break. Nino in physics class. And Alya as she’s leaving the school for the start of the weekend.

Each and every one of them greets her with surprise and awe, like they never expected to see her again and are so happy to be wrong. She makes time for them, because that’s the kind of person she is. And when the past is brought up, it’s of little surprise to her that they reveal the discovery of Lila’s manipulations after she left.

A part of her feels angry and hurt. That her leaving had such little impact. That it was only months after she was gone that they finally figured things out. That her word hadn’t been enough.

But she’s older now. Stronger. Wiser. Happier. 

So when each of them apologizes, she forgives them. She reassures them because Lila was used to manipulating people and knew what strings to pull. She’s not entirely convinced that she would have been able to figure out Lila was lying so easily if she hadn’t heard that first lie about Lila being BFFs with Ladybug. She reminds herself that she had the benefit of inside information that Lila couldn’t have known about to protect her whereas no one else did. She reminds herself that they were teenagers with big dreams and prone to trust easily. She reminds herself that she had done a number of silly things when she was younger as well.

So yes, she forgives them. More easily than any of them think they deserve but with all the love and support that Marinette has always had.

Some of them laugh in joy or disbelief. Some of them cry. A couple of them try to hide the fact that they’re crying and Marinette quite politely pretends she doesn’t notice. Alya breaks down sobbing in Marinette’s arms and apologizing repeatedly. Nino stays silent as the tears fall and Marinette simply remains seated next to him in quiet support.

Each of them leaves the conversation feeling lighter than they had in years.

[brightly-painted-canvas]

Hi! I've noticed you wrote rami and joe being roommates in one italian joe fic and i love the idea!!!! Do you mind sharing maybe more hcs?

Hi! Sorry for being so late >.<(since I couldn’t finish today and tomorrow’s entries for the Sledgefu week, I figured I could at least reply to your request that was sitting for some time in my ask box)(it still took some time to write ‘cause I tend to get a lot invested in these things… hope you don’t mind!)

It all starts because Rami has to move to NYC to film Mr Robot and the flat he had decided to rent for the first months in the city is suddenly no more available (for an unlucky coincidence of bad maintenance from the previous owners, delay on reparation works from the current owner and Rami’s lack of time to get directly involved in these matters) and he has to ask to his New Yorker friends for a place to crash, promising it would be only for the time it takes for his flat to get fixed

of course Joe is the first friend to reply and the most enthusiastic one because he’s like that and he’s always there to lend a hand

of course (2) Rami’s own flat’s works get delayed over and over again and at the end he’s finishing shooting S1 of Mr Robot and he’s still living with Joe (and loving the shit out of their shared routine)

since the first week of their cohabitation, Joe has Rami saved under ‘Roomie Malek’ on his phone (and finds it hilarious, thank you very much)

he steals Rami’s phone at some point and saves himself as ‘Joe Roommazello’ (also hilarious, he’s born to make great puns)

Rami never changes that for some reason (reasons different than his inability with technology I know how to make my phone work Joe fuck right off)

problems with Rami’s real inability with technology start manifesting when Joe, who at that moment is a 30 years old single and ready to mingle boi, realises it’s impossible to successfully end a date with Rami as a roommate, since he doesn’t check his phone EVER and he always misses Joe’s texts about needing the house for himself until at least 11 pm

the times Rami walks in to Joe and a gal/bloke making out on the couch reaches uncountable amounts very fast

Joe is very uncomfortable and Rami is always apologetic but he simply seems unable to solve these recurrent awkward situations by checking and maybe replying to Joe’s desperate texts and phone calls

Joe tries to find a remedy by buying a large whiteboard he hangs on the kitchen’s wall. He divides it in seven sections for the seven days of the week and then instruct Rami to use a red marker while he uses a blue one

the whiteboard is to keep tracks of their schedules so that everyday they know what they have to do and at what hour they should be expected home without having to call the other’s manager

it starts off pretty well but then it becomes so convenient that they begin to leave messages on each other’s daily space, written in their marker colour but in opposite handwritings (‘remember to buy milk’ ‘I’m lactose intolerant’ ‘from Rami to Rami: remember to buy milk’ - underlined - ‘from Joe to Joe: remember to buy regular milk for Rami and soy milk for you’ ‘trip to LA in one week’ ‘I’m gonna miss you’ ‘you’re coming with me’ ‘oh right I forgot’ ‘this is what the board’s for’, etc.)

(a third marker is added to the board. It’s green and it means things they do together)

(it’s still impossible to prevent Rami to catch Joe in compromising positions with his dates because even writing ‘DATE NIGHT’ - underlined - on the board doesn’t mean Rami’s sleepy and tired mind after a full day on set is going to remember that he needs to give Joe his private time at home before he can have dinner, take a shower and fall into bed)

(trying to have sex while Rami’s eating cereal in the kitchen is an absolutely miserable experience, Joe finds out)

Joe stops dating altogether at some points. It saves him the stress to try and find a date and getting ready and spending lots of money for nothing. Moreover, his evenings are already plenty of fun with his and Rami’s late dinners and movie nights and script readings and scene rehearsing and lazy cuddles on the couch

cuddles are a must in their house, by the way. It’s written in their Roommates Contract which they never actually redacted but they quote from all the time since they rewatched S1 of TBBT together (‘before the show turned to shit’ ‘please don’t say that in public’). They’re both very tactile, affectionate men and they really really don’t care about any toxic masculinity crap, especially in the privacy of their own home

they mostly cuddle in the evening on the couch under a blanket (watching old movies they both love like ‘It’s a Wonderful Life’ which is Joe’s favourite and always makes him cry a bit at the end) or on Joe’s bed when Rami comes home very late from set and really needs a hug before going to bed. Joe is always willing to hug someone in distress, even if that requires being woken up at 2 am with a armful of yawning Rami Malek complaining about skipping dinner and feeling NY’s freezing winter weather into his very bones

(Joe hugs him closes and then gets up to make him a ham sandwich while Rami takes a boiling hot shower)

Rami doesn’t date. There are multiple reasons why, but mostly it’s because he’s too busy with filming his first leading role in a tv show and because he’s not one for one night stands so he prefers skipping the dating process altogether while he’s too into his job to really make an effort

plus, Joe’s enough of a reassuring, calming presence in his life at the moment. He’s someone Rami can trust wholeheartedly, from that time he calls him from set panicking about forgetting to turn off the stove that morning (to which Joe has to run home and check if that is true and their apartment is on fire - it isn’t -) to that other time he fell sick with the flu and Joe cancelled his plans to take care of him and make sure he didn’t die of dehydration and lack of medications

Joe is also someone who makes Rami laugh and smile and be happy and he does so all the time, effortlessly. It is probably the characteristic that Rami loves the most about Joe, together with his intelligence and his good manners and his profound respect of others

(basically, everything about Joe is nice in Rami’s eyes)

(and it seems everything about Rami is nice in Joe’s eyes too)

because Rami is also enough for Joe. He’s there for the whole writing process of Joe’s directing debut ‘Undrafted’ and when Joe needs help rehearsing or proof reading a scene, he’s willing to sacrifice all his free time to lend a hand. Rami’s presence in Joe’s home is comforting to the point he find it difficult to fall asleep or remembering things like doing the laundry or going grocery shopping when Rami’s back in LA or somewhere promoting Mr Robot because what’s the point?

(Joe doesn’t like to do things alone anymore)

Rami makes Joe feel safe and grounded. Joe has always been a bit of an anxiety-prone person, always fretting about this or that but at the same time incredibly inclined to fall into profound boredom during lulls in activity between jobs. Rami’s presence somehow prevents him to get too caught up in his own mind during busy times and too lazy to function as a regular human being when he’s got nothing to do

it somehow reminds him of when they first met, on the set of The Pacific: Rami had been an anchor for him at that time too, the ‘one who makes it great’ with his hard work and grace under pressure and willingness to always strive for more, better, best. Their great connection and synergy had started back then and never left. This knowledge makes Joe sad sometimes, thinking about all those years in between when they hadn’t been as close, hadn’t kept in touch enough

sometimes they call Martin just to bother him at odd hours (mostly when it’s already late at night in Ireland) and they always invite him to the US to spend some time together, even if they’re all very busy with their works. Some other time they arrange nights out with Noel and Brendan and all those other The Pacific kids they’re still in contact with because they still get along like brothers and New York is the place where all their roads cross at some point or another

members of their families come to visit and arranging sleeping accommodations when the Maleks are over is the most complicated task: they have two bedrooms with queen size beds and a couch that can accomodate one more person, but they always refuse to let Nelly sleep on it and both offer their own bed to Rami’s mom

after hours of offerings and complaints (Italian hospitality having a fitful match with Egyptian proper manners… the Mediterraneans are all stubborn and prideful in their own ways of being good people), she accepts to sleep in Rami’s bed while the twins take Joe’s bed and Joe creates a nest for himself on the couch

(Nelly wakes up early one morning during their stay to find the couch empty and her three boys all asleep on Joe’s bed with Joe’s laptop still open showing its screensaver and Sami curled up against Rami’s back as Rami’s head is on Joe’s shoulder and Joe’s right arm is under Rami’s waist)

(she closes the door quietly and prepare breakfast for the four of them and doesn’t say a thing when they all emerge sleepy and messy from Joe’s bedroom, but she smiles knowingly at Sami when he catches her eyes as they witness Joe and Rami’s perfect coordination in serving each other toasts and coffee with the right amount of milk and sugar without having to say one single word)

when Yasmine comes to visit, she usually stays in a hotel with her fiancée/husband so they only have to worry about dinner and entertainment

when Joe’s sister comes to visit with her family, Rami gets so excited to see Joe’s nephews that he can’t fall asleep the night prior. He loves chatting with Mary and her husband but the kids are an absolute joy to have around: they play board games and watch movies and one time they all go ice skating together and Rami almost tears up when the youngest calls him (albeit accidentally) ‘uncle’ for the first time

soon (too soon) Mr Robot S1 is over and Undrafted is ready to go into production and while they’re very excited for their new projects, they feel like they’re slowly drifting apart and they don’t like it one bit

Rami is conflicted about moving back to LA for the months he has before S2 starts filming and taking his stuff with him to finally free Joe of his presence. He’s got enough time to look for a new place to stay on his own while he’s back living with Sami, but somehow he doesn’t want to proceed with this plan

Joe’s rarely at home enough to sit down and have a serious conversation about it, but at the same time Rami doesn’t think this is a topic they can discuss over the phone so he delays his flight and he delays having to think about it until

one evening Joe comes home tired and stressed out and crushed by the amount of pressure he’s under to make this movie (HIS movie) work

Rami is there to comfort him and force him to eat dinner and have a shower and going to bed and when Joe breaks down crying in his arms sobbing about not being good enough it takes Rami 0.01 seconds to decide to cancel his flight and stop worrying about what’s right and what’s proper because he’s needed HERE RIGHT NOW and he has to stay but most of all he WANTS to stay

he’s never gonna be perfectly sure he’s the right person to do this for Joe, if Joe needs him because he is conveniently already there in his life or if he’s there because he has been good all along (chosen maybe), because they made it work and it’s working perfectly, because somehow they’ve become exactly what the other needs for it to be right

he’s never gonna be sure but they don’t really have to talk about it either because they both wants this and they’re ready to make an effort to make it right and keep it being right

(Rami thinks Joe makes him a better person because he is inherently a good person. Joe thinks Rami makes him a better person because he is inherently a good person)

soon (2) it’s time for Mr Robot S2 and Rami never really went away in the meanwhile, but that’s okay. Joe is editing Undrafted and it’s maybe not going to be the best film ever made but it’s good and Joe likes it (and Rami likes it a lot) and that’s okay. They’re still living together and their families still love coming to visit them and their whiteboard is still full of things to do written in green and that’s okay. Rami stops looking for flats to rent or buy in NYC and that’s absolutely okay

they celebrate one year of being roommates with dinner in a fancy restaurant downtown (Rami’s choice) and a walk in the park and when they get home they watch Netflix on Joe’s bed and Joe says ‘if I’d known the only way for you not to ruin a date night was having a date night with you, I’d asked you out sooner’ and Rami laughs until there are tears in the corner of his eyes

they are (more than) okay.

[sinner-min-bun]

Strangers▪️Min Yoongi

[A Min Yoongi x Reader Oneshot]

_______________________________________________________

⚜🌳⚜

It's a been three years since Mina's father past away.

Her life took a turn for the worse, becoming emotionally isolated, seeking thrills in the form of violent acts, and Befriending a dangerous crowd. Inevitably turning her boyfriend Taehyung, back to the habit of living a dangerous and carefree lifestyle. One he had abandoned in order to be accepted by Mina, since she wasn't fund of that toxic lifestyle.

Yes, she was aware of these changes but did so little to fix them. Barely acknowledging others around her.

We all learn to cope one way or another. Now blinding herself of everyone else's pain, was hers.

Mother thought it was only a matter of time, “She'll soon recover, it's nothing but a minimal trip on the road ahead of Her”. Pressing the bridge of her nose, clearing her blurry vision as she spoke to Taehyung, whom was doing the most to bring Mina out of her depressive state of mind.

"Mina you will be back to your normal, cheerful self and everything will be okay" she insisted. Threatening Taehyung every now and then to scare him off, even thought it was of no use.

She held a special place in his heart, “She might be right…” he thought, exiting Mina’s home without a goodbye.

Opening the umbrella as he stepped outside into the rain, “Maybe I'm not the one to fix you” his cries being masked by the pouring raín.

             **********One Year Later************

Mina's Point of View

Taking In the night scenery, "It's quiet tonight. Perfect night to admire the stars, barely visible to the naked eye yet was able to illuminate the night sky." Thinking to myself as I walked further into the park’s pathways.

The fresh air lightly brushed my face. Walking around the park late at night. Always my to go spot when I couldn't sleep.

Nothing unusual in particular, so like any other night, I went for a twenty minute walk to a park. One we had a block or two near my apartment. I would sneak out making sure mother wouldn't hear me and wake up– She hates when I do that.

You see, after my father's death she became depressed. Drowned her sorrows down with a bottle of wine. Every now and then she would vow never to touch another drop again.

"Empty promises…" that's all they were at this point. Reliving every moment she would make that promise. Just to break it days or even hours later.

I'll have to admit, this year has been a bit different from the two before. Breaking the gut wrenching habit of bringing in stranger's into the apartment.

I'm glad. Unable to forget the occasion when one of them almost tried his luck with me. It filled me with rage. Needless to say, I've gained a few skills here and there as I roamed the streets at night, dangerous streets. Including weaponry thanks to the guy I still would wholeheartedly consider my boyfriend Taehyung. Even after knowing nothing of his whereabouts. Taking a piece of me with him.

Although he's the sweetest guy you'll ever met. He's got his own dark past he refused to open up, which I respect and leave that subject aside. But I'll be lying if I said I wasn't curious as to what it could've been.      

Emitting a deep sigh. “I was weak, maybe that's why you decided to leave…” Raising my head to avoid tearing up.

                             *****************

Combing my fingers through my hair, I looked at the clock in my phone screen. "Wow, this time I took longer than usual".

Standing on the same spot, lost in my own thoughts again for so long. Almost appeared to be about ten minutes.

"I better get going" my voice being the only sound I could hear.

It tends to get dangerous around 12:30 at night.

You know what they say "the creeps come out at night". Yea all the kidnappers, druggies, drug dealers, and more.

As I continue my walk to exit the park. My fear turned reality.

"Oh shit". I thought to myself

I could feel a presence. Someone was following me.

"For fuck sake this is why I keep track of my time." Mentally Cursing myself with every obscenity known to man.

I prepared myself, slowly sliding the pocket knife in  between my middle and index finger, a part of the knife peeking out my sweater.

Turning left I stepped into the small bridge, taking me across the other side of the lake.

It gave me the chance to hear his footsteps as he walked on to the bridge.

Ten steps. That's how far he was behind me. ‘God Dammit...I couldn't do much at this point’.

"Plan B". I took out my phone making it seem like I didn't notice the moron behind me and pretended to send a text to Taehyung’s old phone number.

<<To: Tae <3 >>

I miss you… help

[Message SEND]

"What's a pretty little thing doing here...this late at night" The stranger said.

Those words send chills down my back. "Fuck off" was the only words I could phrase together.

"Listen I can show you a good time, if you're willing to come with me" he added. His voice getting closer and closer, I could feel his hot breath.

"No thanks" being my final answer.  

He kept insisting. Quickly getting tired of my attitude. As I was about to swing the knife towards his face. He managed to yank me by the shoulder.

"Let me go!" I yelled, getting loose of his grip. But his strength surpassed mine by a lot.

"HEY I SAID LET ME GO!" I yelled even louder hoping this time I would manage to get away.

Without a warning the man kissed the wooden boards of the bridge. Accidentally bringing me down with him.

He let go of me. I got up rubbing my shoulder now containing a large bruise.

I looked down to see him on the ground trying to cover his bloody nose and busted lip.

"Who the hell are you" I said startled by another stranger.

Giving no thought that he just saved me from a lunatic. "Great Now what do you want huh? I whined.

"Well a thank you should be enough" he said putting his hands back into his jacket.

"I could've handled it myself thank you very much" tired and aggravated from the creep before not wanting to deal with another one.

"Yea I could tell from the way he almost dragged you away" he said beginning to walk away from where we stood.

Although I didn't want to admit it, he was right.

"Thank you" I said before I started walking back to the other side of the bridge.

"Wait up"

It was him again, ‘what does he want now’.

"Listen I didn't mean to come out as rude back there. But you really shouldn't be walking alone this late at night"

"You don't need to worry about me, I can handle myself, plus I called my boyfriend."

I lied.

"Oh really. I don't see him anywhere" He taunted, moving his hand to show no one in sight.

A knot formed in my neck as I tried to swallow. My next few words coming out broken. "He p-probably didn't receive my message"

I lied again.

I increased my pace in order to lose him. I had to, before tears began to form. There's one thing I hated more than my mother drinking and that was crying.

To be specific people seeing me cry. It made me feel weak and that's something I never want to show.

"Well if that's the case, I'm not leaving you all alone to wander elsewhere. I'll walk you home". His offer sounding sincere to his word as he flashed a gummy smile.

The corner of my mouth twitched, almost wanting to smile.

"If I do, will that make you go away" expecting a simple answer.

"Yea... for now" he said said playfully nudging my arm.

"Ash..." I rolled my eyes in annoyance letting out a smile this time.

"Don't lie to me. A deal is a deal" I stated making sure he knew not to cross boundaries.

He Began to speak trying to engage in conversation.

"The sky seems brighter with the stars shining every now and then" I said staring up at the sky.

A shimmer in his eyes "Yeah it is." He agreed, taking off his hat to slightly fix it for a better view. "It's the beauty we see in the small imperfections nature has to offer."

I stared up at the Night sky.

Droplets of water landing on our faces. We kept walking and talking a bit more sharing laughs and small chuckles here and there.

The walk was only twenty minutes but it felt longer and I was grateful for it.

Across the streets there it was, my apartment. All the lights from every other apartment was off including mine. Which was a good sign, indicating my mother was still in deep slumber.

"Well this is it. Thank you again and goodbye" I said waiting for the light to turn red.

I walked away, still feeling his eyes on me every step of the way. Forbidding myself to turn back.

I hope we meet again stranger.

[bakugou-ou]

I know how you said you wouldn't do the bakugou angst part 2 but can your pretty please with a smol deku on top with a almight onesie on do a part 2. I've probably read it like 7 times. Pleaaaaassee consider it~💓💓 p.s you are a really good writer

You and literally 56 other anons, cause I’m assuming you’re all different people lol, have requested a part 2 to the Bakugou bet angst, so here it is. Part one can be found here! Also, asdfghjkl thank you, you’re too nice. I’m mediocre at best ;~; 《Part Three》

I originally really didn’t want to do this, but the idea of having Baks with his mom got to me, and I felt bad about being so inactive on here… And then I was like, fuck it, I love Masaru too, I want both of his parents comforting him.

It’s less angsty, and more parenting fluff/comfort, but there’s not really a happy ending in this for my main boy. I hope you enjoy this! I may do a part three if people want to see the former couple interacting, but I can tell you right now that it won’t be a happy ending where everything is fixed and they get back together, it wouldn’t feel right, and I love inflicting pain on my favorite son; 2,667 words of Bakugou and his parents going through his first heartbreak, oh boy.

Mitsuki Bakugou arrived at UA half an hour after getting offthe phone with her distraught son Katsuki. He’d called her twice, begging herto hurry up because he was having a hard time trying to keep his shit together.She loved her son, but everyone went through heartbreak at some point in theirlife, and it was his turn that day. She had called her husband, Masaru, andtold him to come home from work early so that they could be there for theirson, and she had called the school to tell them she was taking her son home forthe day and that he’d be back in time for classes the following day. She neededto take care of her son, he couldn’t be left there like that, not until he’dfigured everything out.

When she pulled up by the school, Katsuki was standinginside the school gates, accompanied by Kirishima, his best friend. She rolleddown the window of the car and leaned out, “Katsuki! Let’s go!”

Katsuki was relieved to see his mother, but it also sentanother wave of agony through him as Kirishima started to walk him to the car.He shoved his hands deep into his pockets and bit down hard on his lip to keephimself from crying, trying not to seem like such fucking baby in front of hismother or his best friend. He was thankful for Kirishima walking him outthough, knowing that what had happened in the kitchen wasn’t his fault, Kirishima had been defending the relationship andhis feelings for his— no, not girlfriend, not anymore; ex-girlfriend. He rippedthe rear driver’s side door open and fell into the backseat, unable to look atKirishima or his mother.

“Thank you for walking him out, Kirishima-kun.” Mitsuki saidsweetly to the redhaired boy.

“No problem, Ma’am.” Kirishima replied, smilinglyapologetically to her before turning his attention to Katsuki, “It’s gonna beokay, Bakugou, you’ll figure this out.”

Kirishima made sure his friend was all the way in the carbefore shutting the door, and he stood watch as the car pulled away from the curband headed to wherever they were going.

Almost as soon as Kirishima had shut the door and he had puthis seatbelt on, Katsuki was doubled over in his seat, crying again. It waspathetic, he was back to a sniveling mess just as soon as he’d come out ofbeing one. He’d only managed to put himself together long enough to hear Kirishimaproperly explain the Baku Squad’s side of things, and to leave the dormitory.It had been easy to leave, he wanted to leave, he needed to get out of there,and she wasn’t around, holed up inher own room, so that made it easier to get away.

“So, you wanna give me a quick rundown of what happened, ordo you wanna wait until we get home?” Mitsuki asked her son, though she figuredit would probably be the latter, “Your dad is on his way home, too.”

“You told the Old Man too?” Katsuki asked, groaning as hisfingers found their way into his ash blond locks, gripping horribly tight ontohimself.

“We’re your parents, we’re worried about you. And you’re amess.” Mitsuki responded, glancing back in the rear view mirror and seeing herson crumpled up with his hands pulling at his hair, “Tell you what, I’ll makeakaton miso ramen and you can have as much of it as you want, I’ll even makethose spicy croquet you like so much. It’s been a while since you’ve been home…”

Katsuki was, apart from the sobbing, silent for the rest of theride back to his family home; it had been months since the last time he’d beenhome for more than an hour or two, and this was not the ideal circumstance tobe back under. His father got home before the two of them did, and was waitingat the front door for them when they walked up. Katsuki knew better than toslam the car door, his mother would yell at him about not breaking shit thatdidn’t belong to him, so he closed it with the most normal amount of force hecould manage before stomping off into the house, past his father who ruffledhis hair. The two adults lingered in the doorway and whispered something toeach other, something he didn’t hear nor cared to hear, and then followed himin. He threw himself down on couch that faced the front door, where his fatherhad already left him a large bottle of water.

Mitsuki finished cooking the meal that Masaru had started,with him staying in the living room with their son to keep an eye on him.Katsuki stopped crying, at least until lunch was ready, but then he went andlooked at his phone, it had gone off with another text from her, even worse than the other one he’dgotten while still in the dormitory, locked in his room; now everyone is mad at me!Fuck you, you didn’t even like me, and now you’re trying to make me look like the bad guy?! You’re theone who’s shit here, Bakugou, you’re the one who asked me out with no intentionof ever liking me back! God, you’re the worst! Some fucking hero you are.

With that, his phone was chucked hard at the ground, thescreen cracking as it hit the wooden floor and skidded a couple of feet to thekitchen entrance. Masaru leaned down and grabbed the phone, looking over thetext message that had just sent his son into another sobbing fit. He didn’tlike this girl, not with the way she was talking to him. Maybe that was justhim being a parent, being biased towards his son, but she sounded nasty, and itwas probably for the best that they’d broken up that early on, but it was awfulto see Katsuki torn up like that. He scrolled up and saw the first message, theone where she dumped him. It was long, angry, full of things that were very,very low blows, that he knew would get far too deep under his son’s skin,especially coming from this girl. A girl he’d been looking forward tointroducing to them, that he’d told them all about. They knew how much he lovedher, even if he’d gone about it in a very strange, somewhat poor way.

Masaru sighed, putting the phone down on the coffee tablebefore sitting down on the couch next to his son and putting his arm over hisshoulders. He brought Katsuki close to him, rubbing his arm and letting Katsukilean into him. Normally Katsuki only ever let his mother comfort him like that,but in that moment, it didn’t matter which parent tried to make him feelbetter, he just needed help. So, his father soothed him as his mother watchedfrom the kitchen doorway, looking at the two of them, such different peoplefrom each other despite the smaller one being half of herself and the otherone. A few minutes later, they moved into the kitchen, and Katsuki ate what hecould in silence, enjoying his mother’s cooking for the first time in twomonths. His head was splitting from all the crying, he was dehydrated, and hewas exhausted.

“So, Kid, let’s talk about this.” Mitsuki said as Katsukiset his empty bowl down on the table and wiped his mouth with his forearm. Shedidn’t bother scolding him about his manners, not with him in as fragile acondition as he was in, “What happened?”

“Kirishima said that everyone was in the kitchen talkingabout us, and how everything had turned out great… I didn’t like her at first,it was a stupid bet, but I ended up reallyliking her… So that’s when I decided to actually ask her out, cause I likedher, and everything’s been great, but she only heard the part about it being abet,” Katsuki began, putting his face in his hands and letting out a groan ofdispleasure, “Of course she wouldn’t fucking listen to me, she was pissed, andthat’s fine, I’d be pissed too if I were in her shoes, but she wouldn’t even talkto me about shit, wouldn’t even let me explain…”

Mitsuki got out of her seat and walked to her son, putting ahand gently on his spiky blond hair, petting him and letting him lean into heras he tried to continue explaining the situation without crying again. Neitherof his parents wanted to tell him how stupid that sort of thing was, but theyboth knew how sincere he was about his feelings, they knew this wasn’t just himbeing upset he’d been caught doing something stupid, he was genuinelyheartbroken. He couldn’t keep himself from crying as he continued.

“She wouldn’t… She wouldn’t talk to me, she said she wished she’d never met me, that I was theworst thing that… Ever happened to her!” He inhaled sharply after saying that,his lip quivering as he tried to stop himself from sobbing outright, “I wentback to my room, a-and I fucking cried, a ton, and then she… She dumped me, ina fucking text! And she… Said allsorts of really awful shit, and… I don’t wanna go back, Mom, don’t make me goback!”

Katsuki broke down, clinging to his mother and crying intoher stomach as she hugged him back; the last time they’d seen him like this waswhen he got back from being kidnapped by the League of Villains, and even then,he kept it to himself, waiting until he was alone in his room, refusing toshare the burden of his feelings with them. He was learning and growing, theyknew it, and they appreciated him opening up, even if it was because everythingwas just too much for him to bear on his own that afternoon.

Masaru left the two of them to retrieve the phone and showMitsuki the text messages that Katsuki had been talking, and once she was donereading, she knelt in front of her son and took his puffy, reddened,tear-stained face in her hands and forced him to look her in the eyes.

“Do you really like that girl?” She asked, to which heresponded with a nod and a choked sob, “Do you want to be with her still?”

The question hit him hard; did he? She’d said some reallyfucked up shit, stuff that was totally uncalled for in his opinion. And he knewshe was mad, that’s why she’d said it, but she kept laying it on, piling theinsults higher and higher, and then there was the most recent message. Hereally liked her, but she was hurting him so damn bad. He knew she felt likeshit, but he wouldn’t have ever talked to her the way she talked to him, evenwith as pissed off as he could be. She had been his girlfriend, he would nevertalk to her like that…

“I-I don’t know…” He mumbled, blinking to clear his eyes ofsome tears that had formed, “She hates me.”

“Maybe she does, but do you wanna be with someone who talksto you like that, and turns your biggest insecurities on you like that?”Mitsuki asked, brushing the spikes framing his face behind his ear, lookinginto those distressed crimson eyes that had come from her. “You’re not perfect,you’ve made a lot of mistakes, but you’re my son, and I don’t want you bendingyourself this far out of shape over someone who clearly has no control overtheir emotions. You already have enough of a problem with that on your own, youdon’t need a psycho girlfriend.”

Masaru disagreed slightly with his wife’s analysis of thesituation, but he wasn’t going to say anything; he did, however, agree with herthat their son shouldn’t hope for this relationship to work out, especially ifshe talked like that. The girl seemed to be the type that purposefully lookedfor flaws and brought them out to hurt people when they were at their worst formaximum damage. Katsuki was already a relatively unstable person as it was, hedidn’t need to deal with someone else’s issues at the same time.

“But I really like her! I was… I was really happy!” Katsuki objected, crying harder.

“You fucked up, Kid, and she showed her true colors. It’snot a good spot for either of you, I think you should both part ways. That’sthis Old Bat’s opinion, as someone who has been where you are quite a fewtimes, and been where she is a few times too.” Mitsuki responded, wiping awayhis tears with her thumbs, “You’re gonna keep making mistakes and learning, andyou’ve got your whole life ahead of you to date other people, she’s not the onlyperson out there. Someday you’re gonna find someone that’s not going to tearyou down when you do something that upsets them, that is gonna believe that youreally do love them. You’ll find someone that’s for you like Dad is for me,Katsuki, it’s not the end of the world, even if it feels like it right now.”

Katsuki listened to everything she said, knowing she wasright, but it didn’t make him feel any better; both his parents knew that itwouldn’t, but they needed to tell him anyway.

“T-Thanks, Baba…” Katsuki mumbled, hugging her as his fatherwalked over and rubbed his back.

“For what it’s worth, I agree with your mom on most of that.The choice is up to you, but it’s probably for the best if you and that girl goseparate ways.” Masaru said quietly.

Katsuki continued to cry into his mother’s shoulder; itreally was shit, he hated it, he didn’t want to go back to school and have todeal with her. Not yet. Fortunately for him, though, he was staying overnightat home. He had the whole night to spend with his parents, or by himself, doingwhatever he wanted, and he’d go back to the school in the morning, after havingsome time to calm down and rest…  But,first, he needed a new phone, since the other one was broken.

Masaru took the phone to the nearest shop and got it swappedfor a newer, nicer model from the same line, one that Katsuki had been savingup for, and made sure that all of his data got switched over to the new phone.Katsuki spent a lot of time going through and deleting things that reminded himof her, like their texts, and pictures he had of her. He changed his phonebackground from her to a picture of the view from the beach park nearest wherehe lived. It was a nice shot, it complimented the color of his new phone.

He spent most of his time alone in his bedroom that night,napping off all the emotions he’d spent, and coming down to have dinner withhis parents, who did a great job of keeping him distracted by talking abouttheir jobs. He liked hearing about their work, even if he had no interest ingoing into it. After dinner, the three of them settled onto the couch in theliving room for a family movie night, they watched several movies, all of whichKatsuki picked, and all three of them fell asleep together on the couch.Katsuki’s head rested on his mother’s chest, his legs draped over his father’slap; it was like he was a little kid again, only much, much larger than he hadbeen the last time they’d all been like that. His parents were glad that hewas, for the time being, okay. The second he needed them again, they’d be rightthere; that’s what parents are for.

[terselylove]

Depression...

My experience of dealing with social anxiety is a feeling of overwhelming fear when interacting with individuals I wasn’t comfortable with. I was unable to look people in the eye when speaking to them, and struggled to keep a conversation going. I came off as both extremely quiet and shy, as well as rude, which anyone who knows me well knows I am the opposite of.

During this period of my life my self-confidence was at an all-time low, and I felt disgusted every time I looked in the mirror. I stayed away from people as much as I could, and felt I made an embarrassment of myself whenever I went out in public. I constantly had a voice in my head saying “Why would anyone want to be friends with you? You are ugly and pathetic.”...

I love summer. Lighter evenings, longer days, warmer weather, summer dresses, perhaps even some sun if we’re lucky. Generally speaking, as seems to be common with most people I speak to –  when the sun is out, I’m in a better mood. However, as someone who also experiences periods of depression, I’ve found that this isn’t generally the case when it comes to my mental health.I’m fortunate that I’m currently in a much better place at the moment but, when I think back to a few years ago, I found the summer months to be an immense struggle.When the clocks sprung forward, it all felt a little bit daunting. The things I’d usually look forward to about the change in seasons now served as reminders that I really wasn’t ok.The lighter evenings and longer days meant more time counting down the hours until it was dark enough to go to sleep. The warmer weather meant more plans to cancel and, as a result, more excuses to make up. I couldn’t even muster up the enthusiasm to decide what to wear each day – something which would ordinarily bring me a lot of enjoyment – and so the summer dresses stayed at the back of my wardrobe.Perhaps depression is a little easier to understand in the winter. It’s dark, it’s cold, most people are spending evenings at home not really doing much. If I was having a particularly bad day / week / month, it didn't feel so wrong to get home from work, change into my pyjamas and just go to bed.Yet when summer rolled around, it seemed as though everyone was out and about having the ‘best time ever’. 

And then there I was, struggling to get out of bed.For someone experiencing depression, it can be difficult to watch those around you enjoying themselves. I'd mute group chats so as not to be met with the constant barrage of plans, I'd excuse myself from after-work drinks, and I'd invent reasons not to attend BBQs and family gatherings.“But it’s such a nice day…” people would say, “you should get out the house, it might cheer you up."Yes it was a nice day but, whilst their words were well-meaning, they simply weren't helpful. I already felt as though I was wasting my summer and I knew I should get out the house, but it just didn't seem possible. A nice walk on a sunny afternoon might do wonders if I'm just having an 'off day', but depression is so much more than that, and a sunny afternoon isn't a cure.Depression doesn't care about the weather, your weekend plans, or the birthday coming up that you'd do anything to be able to enjoy. It doesn't think to itself "summer is here, time for me to disappear for the next few months."

That isn't how it works.I'm in the fortunate position of having friends I could be honest with. Friends who would still keep inviting me to things 'in case I felt up to it' and didn't judge me when I stopped replying to messages for days or weeks on end. They'd suggest shorter periods of socialising that felt a lot less daunting, and remind me that they were still around if and when I felt up to going out.In more recent years, I've managed to enjoy my summers without the weight of depression casting a shadow over them to quite the same extent, and for that I'm incredibly thankful. I think my own experience has also made me more aware of how others might be feeling, and I'd encourage anyone who thinks a friend might be struggling to try to understand and have a little patience. 

Some people understand it, some think it’s an attention call. For me, depression is like that pile of laundry that you don’t want to show in your Instagram pictures. I never want to show my pile of laundry to the world, I want my life to seem happy and put together, as if I folded and put away all my laundry right out of the dryer.Ever since high school I have suffered with extreme depression and anxiety. I can defend the issue for hours and hours, however I get embarrassed when I feel sad. I get so embarrassed when I am sad and those around me do not understand and treat me as if I’m crazy.Typically most of my life I’ve always just been called dramatic when I’m upset. It has become one of my biggest triggers, because most of my life I haven't had that fight to defend it. I just, quite simply, let it eat at me.Depression can be the hardest when others just don’t understand you. I get sad for no reason so often that I’ve created safe spaces. In our current home, my safe place is my bathroom floor. Probably about at least three times a month you can find me locked in my bathroom on the floor, crying. The lock on that door is the only form of power I feel I have at that moment.

I see you.

I share this because it’s real, I share this because everyone has that pile of laundry.

I know everyone may not have depression, but everyone has something hard they’ve experienced, everyone has something to share and everyone has something to relate to.

Many times I have found myself on that bathroom floor contemplating life and how to make it past that very moment, will I? I have to say how thankful I am that I haven’t followed through. Life is so hard. Sprinkle on some depression, heck, dump it on - and life is now even more hard.Please don’t ask me how I can be so sad I could contemplate suicide. Because honestly I do not know, nor do most people in that situation. How did we make it to this moment? What did I do to deserve this sorrow?You never know who is hurting. Those who are, we often are the most resistant, waiting for a hand to be held out for us to grab onto as the pressure of our mental being closes in on us.Check up on those who are quiet, those who check up on you; maybe conversation is being sparked due to their need to communicate. Let’s talk about our hard times, it’s healing, not embarrassing.So, here’s my laundry pile. You’re not alone.

 Depression is not an emotion - it's an illness

Ah, mental health stigma surrounding depression. The worst that's been said to me in all these years having depression is:"Don't go and have a moment on me!""Don't quit your job. I know your job has been making you feel depressed but you're being stupid. You haven't tried hard enough.""Is that all your depressed about?""Stop being ungrateful and take your Great Aunt's advice!"

Please, stop.

This is not me being lazy, ungrateful or selfish. This is me dealing, sometimes suffering, with depression. This is my demon running its black toxins through my head, poisoning my thoughts and feelings.

Depression is not an emotion, it's an illness. A completely and utterly illogical illness. Just like with colds, for example, some colds can just be a little sniffle, sneeze, etc, while some colds can completely wipe you out and keep you bed-bound for x amount of time. Whether you have a mild cold or one from hell, you still have a valid cold. People with the strongest immune systems can still be affected by them.

From an outsider’s point of view, sure, they would be able to see the positive things going on in your life. However, when depression strikes, for me at least, it feels like a part of my brain has turned off the switch to be able to enjoy things. If it's really bad, I'm unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel with whatever I'm dealing with. I can also feel like a shell of a person sometimes. It's as if my brain has temporarily sucked up my personality and misplaced it somewhere else. I'm there but not there at the same time.

I don't choose to do this, depression is basically trying to tie me down in a chair at the cinema, forcing me to watch its fake "reality" tale about how my life will always be rubbish, dark, etc and how I'm worthless. Sometimes I can fight it off, but other times it can catch me off guard and I believe it for a while. Depression, by the way, is one hell of a liar.

The best way I can describe the switch being turned off is while you can see the beautiful colours of the world, I only see black, grey and white. My favourite meal in front of me is suddenly tasteless mush. My favourite TV show/YouTube channel is changed to, what feels like, a very boring presentation about something I've never been remotely interested in. Going out with loved ones can feel like everyone is spinning around me in fast motion while I'm sitting there in slow.

Depression is one of the worst things I have ever experienced, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. Thankfully over the last 9 years I've learned to differentiate my depression thoughts from my healthy thoughts. I know my depression is just trying to make me watch a fake tale about me and my life, like how I described earlier, but I know I can beat it each and every time it knocks me. Depression might be strong but I'm much, much stronger.

Please do not judge other people's struggles and do listen to what they have to say. Their mountain may be a molehill to you, but everyone is different and everyone’s feelings are valid. Please, please always remember that.

For a long while, I've been having issues with mental health. I remember asking my mum one day years ago if hearing and seeing things was normal and her response still sticks with me. "You're too young and don't know what REAL mental health problems are."

At the time I was incredibly depressed, anxious and scared of myself and what I might do. Whenever I tried to reach out and ask to see someone for help because I was seeing things, she always gave an excuse to dismiss what was going on, like I needed more sleep or I needed to "stay off that phone!". I just wish she might have listened a bit more, instead of brushing me off as lying, or getting angry and impatient with me. If she had been more supportive, I would have felt more capable of handling myself during my bad episodes. 

Considering that not even my own mother would believe me, I truly felt alone and thought that no one would listen to me and brush me off as liar or even a fake. It made it hard for me to reach out for help or take care of myself in the ways I needed.

Now that I'm in my later years of university and I'm in a relationship, I've had to be truthful to myself and acknowledge that I do have issues that need help with. It's taken me even longer to learn how to trust people, that people will reach out to help me if I ask for the help I dearly need. That I won't be told I'm too young or it's because I'm tired or because I'm on my phone too much before going to sleep.

It's taken me years to realize that I need help and that no one but me can choose whether or not what I'm dealing with is real. I don't need someone to compare their own experiences to mine and deem my cry for help as valid or not. But if I had a parent that believed me and took me to someplace where I could've gotten the help I needed, I think I would've been able to cope better with my conditions now.

Some people fail to realize that mental health doesn't discriminate against age and sadly for me it was the person I looked up to most that failed me.

I never know how to explain depression to someone. It’s so different for everyone and comes in so many different forms. Some people describe their depression as a weight that holds them down, ever-present and demanding of their time. Others describe it as a shadow that looms in the back of your mind, always taunting and jabbing and trying to tear you down. Some days, you just have thicker skin. And then sometimes, depression is described like drowning. It’s wading in an ocean of poison and barely catching your breath before you’re dragged back under. 

I don’t think people understand that depression is constant. Some days it doesn’t feel as heavy, it doesn't tug and pull as hard. And other days, it knocks you down before you can even get out of bed. 

I am always fighting this constant battle with myself. I may smile and laugh and seem happy, but know that, somewhere, in the back of my mind I'm struggling. The happy interludes, the in-between where the weight doesn’t feel as heavy, are simply vacations from the reality that is my depression.

It makes me feel like a failure, no matter my successes. I feel worthless and like I’m a burden on everyone around me.

My depression is a beast that lives inside me. It whispers horrible things in my ear, tells me that I am waste of space. And all the while, I have to smile and pretend I’m okay.

That life isn’t beating me, no way. I’m too stubborn for that. I have to pretend that there isn’t some rabid animal inside of me, clawing to get its grip around my throat and snuff out my life. 

People who don’t have depression don’t understand. But they can still be there for people like me. When they say something that scares you, don’t yell. Don’t get angry because you don’t comprehend how their mind works.

My mind is a scary place. I shouldn’t need to open up and spill my darkness for your compassion.  

Support people with depression, even if you don’t understand. Just be there.