#IDEK WHAT IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE I WAS WALKING WHEN I WAS TYPING THIS AAAAAA

[starlitvoyeur]

Thinking abt like celeb interviews mc and the boys and it’s like a “what would you like to see me in/how would u dress me” thing and

• Sylus dresses mc up in some expensive cocktail type dress in a deep red basically her companion outfit but decked out all pretty lol

• Rafayel dresses her in some pricey name brand clothes that cost more than her apartment and everything inside but damn does she look good

• Zayne gets her something a bit more practical but still stylish maybe something in grays w a pop of color maybe something w some slight ruffles idk

• and Xavier. Sweet Xavier. Puts her in comfy lounge clothes. Straight pjs lmao. Funny how they kinda resemble a pair he owns.

And everyone’s all negging him and making fun but he’s justifying it and defending himself and mean while mc’s getting dressed and we just hear her yell “Caleb you’re out of your fucking mind!!” And we cut to the privacy screen and she just tosses a set of clothes into the interview for and it’s just a set of Lacy lingerie and everyone looks at Caleb who has a giant smug ass grin and says the same thing as Xavier.

“Hey, y’all said what ever We want to see her in.”

[ellieslittleslutt]

Brewed ❀

MEN AND MINORS DNI!!

pairings: barista!ellie x journalist!reader

the barista you visit every morning finally makes her move.

cw: none really reader is called pretty girl once and smoking? also swearing

a/n: AHHH I LOVE THIS. definitely writing a part two

wc- 1k

not proof read pt2!!

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“have a nice day” she smiled at you. the kind of smile that just makes you melt. you smile back at her trying to ignore how your cheeks heat up “you too” you said turning around each step you melt further into the floor.

it was always her. that one independent cafe that charges $8 for a coffee, you thought it was worth it just to see her smile and say that line she was scripted into saying. every morning on your way to work you would stop by to order the same thing each morning, a hot latte to go with a small sandwich. on your days off you’d take the time to sit down and get some work done with your order.

this morning was no different. while you walked to work sipping on your coffee and taking a bite of your sandwich you noticed the cup had a message on it ‘you’re beautiful enjoy your coffee!!’. you couldn’t help but take a photo of it sending it to your friend lidia.

lils- get her number!

you- idek know her name how tf am i supposed to do that?

lils- she wears a name tag no? just go off that

you- pretty sure it’s fake

lils- how do you know?

you- just doesn’t fit her… whatever i’ll talk more when i get to work

when you got to work you sat down at your desk looking at the stories you have to research made but your boss. “seriously?” you mumbled to yourself as you looked at the long list when suddenly lidia pokes her head in “so cute barista?” she teased sitting next to you.

you sigh “yeah anyway think her name tag is fake it just doesn’t match her” you tell her sipping your coffee while starting your typing “well what does she look like?” she asks leaning against your desk. you think back to each time you saw her and every little detail of her “shoulder length auburn hair, always has it in a half up bun but sometimes a low bun which makes her look so pretty, pale green eyes and freckles”. lidia just chuckles “jesus you’re down bad huh?”

“shut up” you mumble your cheeks red as you hit the side of her arm and she laughs putting her hands up “what stating the facts we get paid for it” she smiles at you and back at the note on you’re cup “so think she likes you?”

“i don’t know maybe she just said that for tips? i used to do that” you shrug and you continue working on your computer “well you could just ask for her numberrr” she says again raising an eyebrow at you, rolling your eyes you go back to typing “like i said im not doing that… ill get her name first or whatever”

⋆｡˚𖦹

thay weekend you went on with your routine, heading to the cafe with your laptop and note pad to try and get some articles done so your boss gets off your ass. you sat down with your usual smiling at the barista when she walked by you.

you smile back at her then look at your coffee seeing another message written in it ‘you look like and angel’. your heart almost explode and you swear you almost passed out. you look back at her and she was leaning against the counter watching you with that smirk. god she was so hot. she gave you a wink before standing up going back to work.

⋆｡˚𖦹

over the course of the next two weeks ellie would leave little messages on your coffee cup or the paper bag of your sandwich. each time you took a picture getting all giggly and happy. you found yourself looking forward to it each morning.

one weekend you got up getting ready in your go to cold weather outfit. you had gotten your bag and keys going to the cafe with a smile. when you got there you saw ellie taking an order from some guy. you sat down opening your laptop and hopped to get a few articles written. with all the holidays this time around your boss had you working harder with more stories to write.

you stayed a few hours the barista serving you and you got your little message. this time while she was taking all the dishes she left a napkin with a proud smile. ‘my shift ends in a few minutes meet me outside ;)’ classic.

you quickly got all your things putting the napkin in your bag. you went outside to the front to see her sitting at a table on her phone smoking a cigarette. she looked up at you and smiled sitting up “hey” she said with a smile. her voice oh my lord you were dying.

“hi” you said nervously and sat down. you honestly had no clue what to do. your flirting game was abysmal. she offered you a cigarette and you took it taking a puff off it.

you both got to talking for a bit. she told you her name was ellie. it suit her really well. with her style and her eyes everything suit her. she told you that the cafe was only a small part time kid she took every morning and she really worked at the clinic in the afternoons. that explained why she was never there for lunch.

you told her you were a journalist and she tilted her head “no way who’s your boss?” she asked with a chuckle “maria miller you know her?” “yeah she’s my aunt” you chuckled looking at her “small world huh?” “more like town everyone knows each other here” she shrugged.”

when it got to around 1 pm ellie looked back at you “ah shit gotta head to the clinic.” she mumbled grabbing her bag “yeah it’s getting cold staying out here” you replied standing up too.

“i’ll give you my number pretty girl?” she asked with a smirk holding her phone. pretty girl? it niagara falls down there. you flushed bright red and smiled handing her your phone and she put in her number “well i would love to do this again? how about i take you out on a proper date? dinner maybe? can you do tomorrow 7pm?” all you could do was giggle and nod “yeah yeah i can make that” you reply still nervous.

“i’ll see you around” ellie says putting a hand on your arm before walking away.

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taglist: @autisticintr0vert @eveshyper @soodle-noup @puppywilliams

[bernardsbendystraws]

ೃ࿔*:･ Snow .ᐟ Reader x FWB.ᐟ Matt

ALTERNATE ENDING - You're finally ready to talk.

⚠︎ angst, unresolved ending, bitch i'm fucking crying idek what else to say

[ Can be standalone. Previous - P1 P2 P3 ] → au masterlist

The more you thought about it, the more you needed it to stop. All of it—everything, it’s all too fucking much. One moment you were in a drought of emotions, then Matt called you out—he triggered a flood. You’re drowning. 

You like him—you liked when he played the role of being your boyfriend for a brief moment, but it was more than that, it was far more atrocious than just a simple fond feeling. 

“Hey, can we talk now?” Matt asks, patting your knee as you sit side-by-side on your living room couch. 

You told him to come over, you said you were finally ready to talk. In all reality, you’re not ready, but you know you’ll never be ready—not for this type of conversation. 

“I don’t wanna do this anymore, Matt.” 

The words are choked coming out of your mouth. You try to hold your breath, trying not to cry as you feel the waves of emotions thrashing against every corner of your mind and heart. 

Oh god.

The look on his face is dreadful, defeat clouding his features as a stray tear falls down his cheek, quickly accompanied by more droplets that seem to get heavier in weight from how rapidly they scurry down his face. 

This is it. It’s really happening—it’s really over. 

“What?” he asks, his throat feeling unbearably tight as he tries to take in a deep breath. 

It hurts. No thought in your brain can agree, no throbbing in your chest is eased to feel relief, not like you hoped it would. 

This is supposed to be for the better. 

Honestly, the more you thought, the more you realized you did have feelings for him—feelings your brain wouldn’t let you concentrate on without pushing relentless words that made everything so confusing. 

You can’t be with him. Your heart has been bruised and battered to the point where you can barely care for yourself. He deserves better. 

The tears strolling down his face make all the second thoughts come rushing in before being mirrored back with affirmation—this is for the better. 

All you do is hurt him. You can’t even figure out how to be happy for yourself, you’d only drag him down. You can’t be that selfish. 

Matt is sweet, caring—he’s everything pure about the world with enough understanding to get into anyone’s heart. It’d be unfair for you to have him, hold him hostage from all the things he deserves—all the things you’ll never be able to give him.

“I’m sorry,” you sigh, your chest binding with pressure as your breath halts in your chest. 

Matt’s bottom lip wobbles, his mouth opening and closing as he tries to find the right words. “Are…are you sure? I—just—why? I…I know this is scary, but we can—”

The shake of your head makes his lips smack shut, a desperate attempt at holding back a sob as he realizes the determination in your eyes. This is it—this is all he’ll ever have with you, and it’s over. 

“I can’t do this right now. My…my heads everywhere, I don’t—it’s gonna be okay, Matt,” you coo, your brows scrunches as you pat his shoulder.

Matt goes to put his hand on top of yours, stopping as he realizes it’ll be the last time he ever holds your hand. He can’t do it. 

His hand falls to his lap, a burning sensation crawling through his knuckles as he aches to reach up and intertwine your fingers—but he can’t. He’s not sure if he’ll be able to let go.

A moment of silence passes. Matt rubs his hands over his face, trying to gather himself as your hand drops from his shoulder while he stands up. His eyes stay trained on the floor. Shame makes your body freeze as he grabs his keys from his pocket. 

“I’ll…I’m just gonna…I’m gonna go,” he puffs, his throat squeezing as he says the painful words. 

You stay frozen, your heart aching. It’s like a heavy ice block in the middle of your chest as you watch him walk through the door, a cold so shocking that it burns.

Matt walks through the door, shutting it behind himself, refusing to take glance over his shoulder. He can’t. He knows his heart will try to convince him to stay—to beg on his knees and plead with his entire soul, but that’s not fair to you. 

The words left your lips after you said you were ready to talk, after you had time to think. It wouldn’t be fair for him to try and convince you. He cares too much to interfere with your decision, no matter how much it breaks him to understand that this is truly it—the end. 

A slight glimpse of how he walked into that door with a bouquet of flowers rings through your mind, a small smile pulling on your lips before you breathe in reality. It’s impossible to reminisce happily about the memory. Instead, you feel something shatter—like ice shards stabbing through your chest in a way that makes you too aware of how you’re breathing. 

He’s gone. 

He’s really fucking gone. 

All the good times, all the fun things…they’re all just memories. 

That’s all he’ll ever be now. 

He’s a memory. 

A/N: Someone hug me I'm fucking sobbing holy shit. Sorry in advance. Especially to @weirdothatwritess @chrisbratt333 @sturnsblogs @lovesturni0l0s and more 😭😭😭

ITS AN ALTERNATE ENDING DW. THE OG ENDING IS RESOLVED.

·˚ ༘ ʚ 𝑾𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒃𝒊𝒈 𝒕𝒊𝒕𝒔, 𝑹𝒐𝒔𝒆 𖧧

꒰ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ๑ 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ๑ 𝐂𝐎𝐏𝐘𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 ꒱

[eye-may]

Can we hear the secrets behind why you don't like qui-gon?

sorry I'm responding to this idek how many years late! I'm older and more burdened with real life responsibilities now, so I am no longer concerned with the repercussions I will inevitably sustain from extolling my soul's torment over a fictional character from leorge jucas's self-insert seven samurai au fanfiction.

more beneath the cut! I suggest not reading if you will become emotionally compromised by incendiary opinions regarding your problematic fav

put simply: he's awesome and commendable in every regard except when it comes to ob-wan kenobi, to whom he is a massive steaming pile of shit, and it's not IN SPITE of the fact that he's otherwise fine, it's BECAUSE of the fact that he's otherwise fine.

maybe I'm projecting but I've personally known the type of person who goes around acting as an altruistic beacon of light and amicability, but then turns around and is a prick to the people who are nearest to them and most constantly in their presence (hi dad!) I don't understand how I'm supposed to buy into the idea that qui-gon was uniquely bespoke ideologically leagues ahead of his fellow jedi when he does shit like ditch his padawan to face dangers unknown on the regular

before you "legends isn't canon that stuff didn't happen!" me, idc! a sizeable portion of the insight we have into qui-gon's history in conjunction with obi-wan is pre-disney-takeover, and the homophobic rodent has done nothing to move qui-gon's proverbial needle if we get into the nitty-gritty of his aptitude as a jedi master specifically. what reason do I have to believe that post-disney qui-gon wouldn't abandon thirteen year-old obi-wan without a weapon on a hostile war-torn planet over his heterosexual fixation on an old flame??? and then not fucking think about him or ask about him, let alone go back for him afterward?? "tHaT wAs oBI-wAn'S cHoicE!" hi!! he's in sixth grade!! little bro's a decade and a half away from choosing a college major; sometimes as the middle-aged adult it's time to step in! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

qui-gon evaded obi-wan like the plague on the onset, partly because of his xanatos trauma, which is fine! he's allowed to feel that way! can't blame a bitter old man for not wanting to raise another adolescent boy! but regardless of apprenticing obi-wan, the force would be screaming max-volume, twenty-seven hundred decibels, "OBI-WAN IS IN DANGER! OBI-WAN NEEDS HELP!" and this grown ass adult whom everyone says is the most ethically high-flown jedi that ever jedi'd will literally ignore the multi-trillion God Particle's portents and get some shut-eye. (this actually happened) obi-wan HIMSELF, who had been homeless on a foreign planet amidst a devastating war, sent a message to the temple asking for help, and when yoda tried to show qui-gon, qui-gon's immediate reaction was "I don't have time for this" and to walk away. bro was hellbent on leaving this child to quietly perish.

I swear to god we need to normalize giving control of current canonical star wars to people who don't noticeably hate obi-wan, because the novel 'padawan' is all about qui-gon being a negligent edgelord and the summary frames it like obi-wan is causing the core problem. 'obi-wan impulsively decides to go on the mission by himself' how about 'qui-gon impulsively decides not to fucking show up' and apparently not communicate a thing to his teenage student in the throes of his emotional constipation.

in 'masters and apprentice' (also technically canon for the mouse purists!) qui-gon was patently, expressly, relieved at the idea of having an 'out' of his mentorship with obi-wan. and then in the end when he ultimately decides to continue their duoship (he never consulted or communicated with obi-wan by the way) it's not because he's looking out for obi-wan's better interests. it's not because he was worried about how the severance would affect obi-wan's progress. it's not because he would miss him or feel bad about the emotional fallout, the implications. at the end of the book, he learns jack shit about understanding and connecting with his student. he stays ensconced in his metaphorical ivory tower, making decisions with himself and his grandiose foresights in mind; he doesn't spare a thought towards his student! his kid! the guy whose emotional and intellectual development he's patently responsible for! not to mention btw qui-gon didn't tell obi-wan that he was thinking about ditching his ass. obi-wan had to find out from someone else.

I could go on. at the end of the day, when qui-gon felt that he was brushing up against the materialization of his soothsaying Special Interest (he calls them prophecies, I call them Can't You Be Normal??), he was all too ready to dump his padawan for the umpteenth time, never once stopping to inquire after how obi-wan feels about this development. he shows infinite warmth and admiration towards anakin, behaves in this soft fatherly manner, celebrates his wins and is anxious to contribute to his development...and name me any comparable moment he ever had with obi-wan kenobi, an individual whose life went to shit countless times and who never used any of the physical and emotional pitfalls to rationalize Turning To The Dark Side. it's like. it's like qui-gon never spares a thought for obi-wan. he's thinking about everybody else. consoling everybody else. uplifting everybody else. he's last spoken words aren't an expression of pride, or an attempt at soothing platitudes, or a wisened axiom. qui-gon's final words aren't about obi-wan. they're about anakin. at the end of 'master and apprentice,' Obi-Wan is leaning over his unburned pyre before the ceremony and contemplating the fact that after everything...he almost got ditched again. (btw just incidentally it drives me NUTS that one interview where david felony is all "qui-gon was fighting for his son" in reference to anakin BABE? HE KNEW THAT PAIN IN THE ASS SHORT STACK FOR A WEEK)

Incidentally, in that same book, qui-gon becomes privy to the fact that, in choosing to see the mission through (while qui-gon phoned it in because he's Not Like Other Jedi), obi-wan is putting himself directly in the line of oncoming fire. and what does qui-gon do? warn obi-wan? interrupt the doomed ceremony? risk a public crash out in favor of bodily removing his surrogate child from the epicenter of foretold harm? none of the above! he just sits and waits for the shit to hit the fan.

I feel like obi-wan's life story can be surmised in the lens of constantly being surrounded by dipshits that don't deserve him. my thing furthermore is that star wars canon across the board portrays kenobi as an intrinsically good-natured, tooth-rottingly virtuous, inherently respectful, kind, bright, exemplary adherent to the epitome of Light/The Force. The ideal Jedi, a beacon, a selfless student of divinity that goes on to lead an army, and then to overcome the most extreme variety of losses to stand as the last hope his people ever had in the galaxy after it all fell to ruin. as a padawan, obi-wan was studios, respectful, obedient, admiring, a rule-follower. he was committed to the Jedi Order and desperate to contribute to the greater good. it's not like he was checked out, indifferent, or like he was emotionally volatile, or troubled, or difficult, or disobedient, or whateverthefuck, he's literally a perfect fucking kid. despite that, there's something about him that just doesn't "click" for qui-gon, that isn't worthy of qui-gon's efforts to broker an understanding or foster a meaningful connection. show me one instance, in canon or in legends, in which qui-gon shows genuine paternal warmth and affection towards his padawan. just kidding! I'll save you the effort! you can't!

you will, however, be able to find such moments between him and anakin. for the love of god, I recall in m&a a rather poignant moment between qui-gon and DOOKU. DOOKU! why am I more apt to believe that dooku cared about his padawan, than I am to believe that qui-gon gave a fuck about his 😭 you can't tell me like "oh thats just the way qui-gon is, he's aloof, he's emotionally unexpressive, he's this that and the other thing" so the thing is no he's not!! he's CHARACTERISTICALLY emotional, available, and transparent in very UN-JEDI-LIKE WAYS! I guess there's just something about innocent, inoffensive obi-wan that really brings out qui-gon's coldness and psychological impenetrability! qui-gon is, by all accounts, warm and openly familial towards other important people in his life; tahl, feemor, xanatos, etc...and then along comes obi-wan caught in the throes of what is apparently the worst fucking phase of qui-gon's life.

obi-wan, meanwhile, inherits an apprentice who is, again by all acounts...difficult. disobedient. troubled. etc. and yet obi-wan remains so steadfast and caring and committed that he fosters a connection between himself and his padawan that is so luminescent and intimate in the end. to the point where palpatine HAD to ensure that the two were separated in order for his plans to come to fruition. to the point where palpatine considered using obi-wan as his linchpin for anakin's downward spiral before he realized he'd have to use padme. if obi-wan could show enough patience and good grace to steadily nurture his connection with Future Space Hitler, what is qui-gon's excuse???? you can't even tell me I'm hitting him with some blown-out-of-proportion drastically-uncharitable misleading interpretations because halfway through jedi apprentice qui-gon HIMSELF acknowledged that he was being a prick to obi-wan FOR NO REASON?

anyway qui-gon earned his fucking bashing tag on ao3. if I got my hands on this god foresaken intellectual property my first order of business would be to undo all the injustices obi-wan suffered at the hands of his negligent deadbeat volatile dadperson. Im all for complicated relationships with ups and downs but if qui-gon can't be arsed to spare a first or second thought to his angelic ass child, then the dynamic is nothing more than incomprehensible and stupid to me </3

anyway, bonuses

this is a smattering. a smidgen. a negligible soupçon of my torment that is frankly ameliorated by years of dormancy. anyway obi-wan is the most tragic character in star wars objectively

[soulofatorturedpoet]

my opinions on the 2002 the count of monte cristo film

Idek why i even do this to myself anymore, why do i even try to watch any movie adaptations of books with complex female characters. I finished the 2002 the count of monte cristo film and in short it was absolutely horrible. I hated how much the story changed/removed so many detrimental things to the plot. Aswell as the characters, the thing i hated most was how horrible they portrayed mercedes. Ofc I didnt like how they portrayed any of the characters truly, but what made me the most upset was how mercedes was done. Im beginning to see a pattern among female "love interests" in these types of adaptations. They are always watered down to being helplessly reliant on men around them. rather than being able to be their own person all they become is the shadow of the men around them. A big thing about all of this is the fact that its a movie. A story this complex and this long should in no way be turned into just a movie. Anyways, mercedes never loved fernand and was taken advantage of by him when she was at her lowest, and moved on from edmond a long time ago. By the end the only person that was on her mind was her son. She was at peace with edmond after she got everything off her chest and was ready to let him go. So in no way should she be reliant only on one man when she is fully capable of having her own articulate thoughts and is completely fine on her own. And about fernands character, which i do not support what he did, just from picking up the book i know that he would never say anything along the lines of "whore" about her. They made his whole character revolve around his love for mercedes rather than showing the true evil side of him, such as his past with haydee (who wasnt even in the movie) and how he was overly obbsesed with his honor. He even shot himself in the end over losing it. The way he was characterized in this movie just sucked really. Another thing i absolutely hated the was the watered down revenge plan. In the original novel edmonds plans for revenge were complex and lasted years to complete, but in this movie, which again should not have been a movie in the first place, took his revenge plan and threw it out the window. As said in the movie itself "death is too good for them" but then he turns his back on that and just kills his enemies rather than giving them the long agonizing suffering just as he had to go through. He becomes too lively, rather than the revenge filled spirit of a man he is supposed to be. Also, by the end of it, edmond wanted to let go of his past life, along with mercedes. He no longer had any desire to live a life with her after feeling so betrayed, even after he figured out her side of the story. He just wanted to let it all go and this adaptation took that away from him. The lack of such important characters in the story such as the entire morrell family plus a few of the villeforts really put the nail in the coffin of his final grasps of humanity. Without these people edmond would be as good as a walking corpse. He wouldnt have any belief in love if it wasn't for julie and emmanuel. He wouldn't have any desire to protect anyone if it wasnt for Maximilian and valentine. He wouldn't have felt any remorse or have fallen from his trance of revenge if it wasn't for edwards death. He would have lost all hope in humanity if it wasnt for morrell being the only one who hadn't betrayed him after so long. These people are all detrimental to edmonds character development and they were either removed completely or given a different role in the story. All of this shows the person who made this adaptation didn't care to even open the book and read a few sentences, all they thought was "ooo cool revenge guy who had his girl stolen....this will make for a good movie!" This is the worst thing someone could do to such a masterpiece and i think if we cant learn to interpret books how they are meant to be interpreted then we have no business trying to turn them into any type of movie/film adaptation

Sorry for the rant i just had to get this out

[scoliosisgoblin]

Do you still draw YB content? What do you think of day 4?

yeah I still draw yb, majority of my stuff is yb rn. I just mainly draw a human version of him

I'm not a patron to the creators (I don't fw them) so I can't play the game and have to go off of videos and spoilers, so here's my thoughts so far (SPOILERS OFC):

- love the point and click style they're going for, I enjoy those games a lot so I am biased

- I'm a fan of Peter letting yn walk around and explore things at their own pace. when I'm in a new home or a friend's place, I often need to be left alone to allow myself to settle in and tend to feel smothered if someone's always over my shoulder when exploring etc (it also reminds me of when I got my cats and left them to wonder around on their own)

- what the fuck are windows 🙏🙏🙏

- apparently you both sleep together if you do the kind route??? WHAT WHY. I HATE THAT. PETER IS REALLY OUT OF CHARACTER FOR THAT 💀💀💀 I always thought of him as the type of guy to want his first time to be special tf was that?? (I'm also asexual so obv I'm not exactly looking forward to that type of stuff)

- I find it cute when Peter's working, autism be damned my boy can type!!!

- it's also super cute he gave us the bigger room and kept the small room for himself. also are all the stuff in our room stolen from us or did he buy the same/similar stuff?

- I love Rat, hope she gets more love and attention going on in the game 🙏🙏🙏

- also apparently you get to vaguely see files of pictures he took of you and he refuses to show it to you for some reason? or maybe that's not day 4? idek I hate that, Peter would show it off if anything

- the end of day 4, abusive route, I kinda like that? it's very interesting to me, how he'd do all that. I hate that he make yn nude but what the fuck am I supposed to do about it 🗿

Conclusion: lot of things to love, the writing is still something I'm not a fan of though

[cryptidsurveys]

Monday, April 21st, 2025.

When and where was the last time you took a picture of yourself? A couple of days ago, on the couch in the family room.

Have you ever been scolded by a mall cop? Not that I can recall.

How often do you catch yourself daydreaming? Now and then. I'm more likely to replay events or imagine similar scenarios, like what if I did this or said that, etc. I tend to think of daydreaming as something more positive.

What's your favorite thing to think about as you're falling asleep? I do my best to avoid thinking, which is why I almost always fall asleep listening to YouTube videos. My favorite topics are history, outer space, and philosophy. Last night, I listened to one video by Essential Salts about Tolstoy and the true purpose of art, then another by ASMR Historian about post-plague England.

Is there anything that you want to do, but won't because you're too afraid? Apply to work at the animal shelter. I'm probably being too critical of myself, but I don't believe I have what it takes. Like I would make too many mistakes and fall short of their expectations or not be reliable due to migraines. I know other people make mistakes or occasionally miss work and it's not the end of the world, but still.

Who was the last person to yell at you? It's been a long time since anyone yelled at me, but probably my dad.

Who gets up the earliest in your household? The latest? My dad. He has a weird sleep schedule. I get up the latest.

Have you ever had a pet walk across your keyboard while you were typing? Mmhm.

What political issues do you think deserve less attention/worry? I mean, I have my opinions regarding what seems trivial in the grand scheme of things, but I don't really…care.

Which political issues are you most passionate about? Again, even though I do pay some attention to politics, I'm not passionate about anything in particular. Let me live, let me die, leave me alone.

You're going to your favorite foreign country; what landmarks do you go see? My favorite foreign country is Japan, but I honestly don't really focus on specific landmarks.

What is the longest amount of time that you have spent away from your home? A couple of months.

Did the last movie you watched have any emotional effect on you? Yeah.

What motivates you to go to school? Nothing motivated me to go to school. I kind of always dreaded it. Which was weird because I was a pretty good student, I wasn't bullied, etc. It was just a very standard school experience. shrug

How much caffeine have you consumed in one day? No idea.

Are you more hyper and up-tight, or laid back and relaxed? I've been feeling more and more uptight and anxious lately.

When was the last time you heard someone talking about you? Earlier today when I walked back into cattery after…idek what. It was just silly stuff, though. They were talking about building a human pyramid and I guess I was supposed to be on top and go like this /\ with my arms. :')

How did you pick out your last outfit? I don't put that much thought into my volunteer outfits. It's usually some combination of comfortable pants, a long-sleeved shirt, a short-sleeved shirt, and a jacket.

When buying shoes, what do you look for in the product? I guess style, comfort, whatever gets the job done. I do need some better shoes for deep clean days, though. My socks always get wet. D;

What happened to cause the last mess you made? Cattery always looks like a disaster zone while we're in the middle of cleaning, before we pull it all together at the end.

Are you embarrassed to bring people into your bedroom? I'm embarrassed to have people over in general.

When was the last children's b-day party you attended? I haven't attended a child's party since I was a child myself.

Are you good at reading other people's body language? I guess I'm okay at it, like I can tell when someone is happy, sad, in a bad mood, etc. What I struggle with, mainly at the animal shelter, is knowing how "deep" something is.

If you're sick, do you go to school or do you stay home [ usually ]? Heck, I would often miss school even when I wasn't sick. I probably had more """sick days""" than days when I was genuinely ill.

Does chicken noodle soup really make you feel any better? It can be soothing and easy to eat.

What is one meal that you like to eat whilst sick? I don't have a go-to sick meal. It's just whatever I feel like eating / whatever feels tolerable.

Think of the last survey you filled out; did you enjoy it? Yeah, it was alright. A nice distraction.

Have you ever fed bread to ducks or geese? I have.

Is it hard to imagine you were ever as small as a 1-2 year old? It's harder for me to imagine being elderly one day…

What set the tone for your mood today? Ughhh.

Have you ever set out to ruin someone else's day? Ehhh.

Have you ever felt like the whole world was against you? Maybe not like the whole world was against me, but very alone, overwhelmed, scared, etc.

The name of the last video game you played? No idea.

The name of the last board game that you played? Also no idea.

What was the last thing that you told yourself? Idk about the very last thing, but the last thing that sticks out would be, "Most of what you're experiencing is just thoughts. Stop overthinking everything and you'll see that it's not so bad."

How many times a day do you wash your face? Depends.

Do you remember your D.A.R.E. officer's name? I don't.

Someone throws hot coffee on you; how do you react? Probably with shock. I don't know what I would do after I processed the situation. A lot would depend on the exact circumstances.

Is there a high school or college that you would rather be attending? No.

Have you ever lived in an apartment or duplex home? One apartment and two duplexes.

Has anyone ever commented on your weight? Yeah.

Where do you stand when it comes to sexual intercourse? Like when it comes to me personally? Ehhhh.

Name a show from the 90's that you miss? Salute Your Shorts.

Who provokes your sarcastic side the most? Maybe Kristen and Natasha. I feel like I joke around with them more than anyone else.

Have you ever thought about joining the military? No.

When you were little, did you ever stare at disabled or "different" people? Idk maybe.

Could the contents of your bedroom get you in any trouble? No.

Do weather patterns sometimes have an effect on your health? Certain weather patterns can trigger migraines.

If it snows a lot where you live, do you experience cabin fever? It doesn't snow a whole lot. I can usually still go about my normal business.

When was the last time someone disapproved of something you were doing? I can't be sure if the feelings of disapproval are real or all in my head. Or maybe they're real but they're not that big of a deal. Lol, refer to the body language question above.

How good are you at getting along with other people? I can get along with most people just fine, but I suck at forming deeper bonds or friendships.

Do you consider yourself to be approachable? I guess? I don't think I come across as intimidating or unfriendly or anything.

Do you know anyone that's a little emotionally unstable? Yeah.

Have you ever felt like you were going out of your mind? Oh yeah.

Has anyone ever suggested that you might need "help"? Mmhm.

Do you take offense to things easily? It's all too easy to hurt my feelings, but I don't get easily offended by politics, irreverence, or things of that nature.

How do you respond to cheesy pick-up lines? Probably with a smile or a laugh.

Do you like to give people a taste of their own medicine? No. It makes me feel terrible.

How was the service at the last restaurant you visited? Great.

Are you ever jealous of happy couples? Sometimes…?

Describe a thought that is sticking with you today? Nooo. That's exactly what I'm trying to avoid - getting too stuck in my thoughts.

Lately, who has spent the most time on your mind? People at the shelter.

In a car: air conditioning, or roll the windows down? Air conditioning.

When was the last time you did anything to your playlist? It's been a few weeks.

Is there a new song or band you've discovered? Not new in general, but new to me.

What teacher gives you the most homework?

What type of personality do you find most annoying? Overbearing, nitpicky, demeaning, arrogant, critical, etc.

How did you hear about Bzoink? I'm actually not sure how I found out about it.

How long did it take you to sign up for an account - if you have one? No idea. That was so long ago now.

Are you punctual? I am.

Have you ever howled at the full moon? Probably.

Have you ever seen yourself on camera? Yeah.

Do you give any consideration to what's said in your horoscope? Sometimes.

When was the last time you felt like you were being followed? Like seriously? Idk. I don't think I've ever felt that way.

[divinekangaroo]

Tell me about your white space in writing analogy ☺️

@dehautdesert It was something blurrily along the lines of writers who design how the words land on the page as well as word choice - sentence design, shortness, length, paragraph spacing, not just what they're telling you but the design of short sentences with lots of paragraphing conveying something different and more internalised than the long body-text paragraph types of scenic descriptors.

Something to do with GL's "just whack the camera up and let the scene play out in front of it, the camera *shouldn't* be a part of the scene" striking me as close to how some prose/fiction writers do this thing of just...putting words on the page as if they're just walking across the scene and describing it. But a definite step sideways from the omniscient narrator as a stylistic choice - which does a very clever thing of zoom in, zoom out, select multiple angles to show a thing, break the fourth wall occasionally, and actually become a very definite choice of 'camera' use in a story - and more these kinds of authors who just genuinely don't seem to care about anything except, eh, IDEK, getting it out?

And I think specifically of Sanderson who, admittedly, I only read one lot of narrative from when he came in to finish Wheel of Time, and the entire time I was cringing, absolutely cringing, at the absolute lack of concern he displayed in how he was smashing these words together, or what word was exactly used, or how long the paragraphs were (or were not), only that he got it out. Cringing, I tell you, at the whole "she stood bravely on the rock with her brown eyes firm and her brown hair blowing in the wind like a banner looking like a feminine symbol of bravery incarnate with her hand held high" AND YET. And yet, I went, as I was reading, yeah OK, my man, I see it, I see exactly what you want me to see with nothing in between me and you, not interpretation, not nuance, not subtext, because you are doing literally nothing else with these words except telling me here is the thing I should be seeing.

So I suppose it's more a style choice analogy, than purely white space/page design? But there is something around how writing style choice interlocks with page design/whitespace in the same way scene/stage setting interlocks with camera and frame, to either make the "camera" (authorial choices, actual words) foregrounded or to let the scene take over.

I know next to nothing about film and only amateur fragments about the actual art and craft of writing, so am sure there's some sort of deeper thing here or more appropriate definitions to apply, but yeah. XD That George Lucas thing really resonated with me, not as a 'i like his style more than or less than', but rather 'he set out to do a specific thing and actually achieved that specific thing and recognising that made me appreciate the value of the thing i never bothered to realise before'.

And the tail-end thought this provoked was also: I do think writers should pay more attention to white space/page setting in a similar way. How disruptive or how passive the experience of reading words on a page are is not just an accidental consequence of sticking words in the right order on a page, it can actually be designed and chosen in the same way writing style can be designed.

[khodorkovskaya]

complete recap of my skating camp trip part 1

sooo buckle up besties, get yourselves a cup of tea and let me embark you on this journey with me. to figure skating summer camp!

so it took place in a town in the mountains called V. it's also a ski station. and, as lucien told me, it's quite lowkey. like it's a ski station for swiss people and it's not super touristy, compared to like verbier or crans montana. it's very old money basically. like it's super luxurious, clean and expensive, but it's not flashy like a lot of ski resorts. also it's weird bc i didn't see any young people there. there were mostly 40+ yr olds and elderly couples. and lots of good cars. again, not the flashy types, but like little porsches or just like discrete german cars. i saw one g-wagon with ukrainian number plates, but the rest were like old money cars, you know what i mean? lucien also told me that there's no airbnb there. like it's really not that much of a touristy place.

but anyway, im getting ahead of myself.

so the plan was for me to come there on sunday so that i could spend the night at lucien's parents place and not have to wake up super early on monday bc skating camp started at 8:30. but they didn't want to take me in lol. bc im not family and they were skeptical.

so i ended up waking up at 5am on monday and taking the train at 6. i arrived to the closest train station at like 7:30ish and lucien met me there to drive me to the camp.

and okay right off the bat i knew i was in for a wild ride. bc imagine, it's 7am, i was supposed to meet lucien at the café at the train station. and like as soon as i walk in, he's like super hyped. he had butler energy. like he usually looks pretty rough lol, but this time i was surprised by his appearance bc he had slicked back hair and he was wearing this like really cool red hoodie (from diving school) and the whole look was giving nutcracker like adjshjhg.

anyway, i walk in and he grabs my suitcase and exclaims "madame!!! may i offer you a coffee?" and im like umm sure yeah and he turns to the lady there and he's like "a coffee for madame please!!!! it's my treat for madame!". like it was really giving butler, i was a bit embarrassed bc he was so loud so early in the morning.

then i gave him the tshirt i made. because, getting side tracked, but every year i organise a contest for my birthday for the best video montage and the winners get tshirts with my face on it, it's a whole thing. so yeah i finally gave lucien his tshirt. and he changed into it right then and there. and again i was a bit embarrassed bc like he has a nipple and a bellybutton piercing and his hyped energy weirded everyone out i feel.

so yeah then we got in the car and he drove me around this town like 10 times. he was like "yeahhhh i want you to feel independent, madame. you should know where everything is in case you need anything".

then we got to the rink and met our coaches. and omg they're so good! so there's A who's an ex competitive skater, she went to junior worlds, four continents and sea games. and R who's her ex coach who lowkey reminded me of dave lease lol.

we were the only adults there lol. the rest were girls aged 7 to 15. we were 10 in total.

we lived in a little chalet right next to the rink, it was literally perfect!

then we went on the ice straight away. and it was my 1st time like properly skating in my new skates. and the euphoria i felt when i stepped on the ice oh myyy. i was so happy!

so the way it was organised is that we'd have 3 hours of ice per day. either 1 in the morning and 2 in the afternoon or the other way around. and during each session we'd be split into two groups and alternate between the coaches every 30 minutes.

the lessons were absolutely incredible! like idek how to explain it. but it was like high level stuff. the coaches had a very individual approach tailoured to everyone and it was so good!

after skating we had lunch. and the camp reserved a table at this super nice restaurant for us for lunch and dinner. with a gorgeous view on the valley. and the food was so good!!!! i mean it was tailored towards kids so we had pasta, chicken, chips. croque-monsieurs, that kind of thing. so nothing too spicy or too weird. but to me it was basically comfort food every day and i enjoyed it a lot!!!!

after lunch lucien suggested we go see his parents... and i was a little uneasy bc they didn't want me at their house, right? but he insisted. and i, being eastern european, was like "let's stop by the bakery and get them something for tea". lucien found it a bit strange. and he was like why, so i explained to him that it's impolite to come empty handed if you're invited to someone's house. and he was like "we're not invited, we're just gonna show up". and i was like "that's literally why we should definitely bring something!!!!".

so yeah, we stopped by the bakery and got his parents two pieces of this like pear chocolate cake.

so the parents weren't expecting us, and especially not me, so there was a bit of awkwardness there. but old people usually like me and they were very pleasantly surprised by the cake, so the awkwardness went away pretty quickly. but they were a bit on edge because we just like came without an invitation.

his dad looked a lot like the turtle from kung fu panda lol. and i think he has a cataract or some kind of old people eye problem bc his eyes were a bit weird. meanwhile the mum looked like a typical well off house wife. like makeup in the house, simple clothes that fit her well, tidy hairdo.

the chalet has been the same since the 70s, it had this kitsch 70s decor like flowery wallpaper and greens and orange-browns. they still had lucien and his sister's drawings up dating from the 70s, calendars from the 90s, some old christmas decorations, old family photos, lots of kitschy objects and decor. but it was all very tidy and, despite not being minimalist at the slightest, it didn't give off the vibe of like being hoarded, unlike a lot of poor old people's houses, you know what i mean?

then lucien wanted to show me how to ride a bike because umm yeah confession time, idk how to ride a bike. so he got out his old bike that he's cleaned the day before and we went to the flat part of the road for me to try it out. it was a lot easier than expected and i learned almost immediately.

then lucien asked me if i want to try out his electric bike and i was like sure. so i got on it and oh my god. have you guys ever tried an electric bike? the sensation is incredible! and so i took his bike and rode off lol. meanwhile he was left with the regular one.

and yeah, we ended up cycling for 17km! idk how lucien survived lol bc it was mostly uphill. like he's in such good shape but still.

we ended up missing gym class and got back right in time for the second skating session.

then lucien went home for dinner with his parents, meanwhile i had dinner with everyone else.

oof okay besties, im literally falling asleep. part 2 tomorrow! there's so much tea to spill likeeee y'all are gonna love it, this is just the beginning! laku noc 😘

[cl00udyyanan]

HII! could i req a cyno x reader, he gets jealous or somth? 🙁 idek i just want cyno.,😭😭😭🙁🙁🙁🙁😭‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

i don't know much about cyno so pls forgive if this is ooc

sickening gaze

synopsis: tighnari has all of your attention while you help him, and cyno is feeling some type of way

warning: jealousy, slight possesion maybe, cyno being rude abt tigharni, tighnari lowkey hitting on your

characters: cyno x reader, tigharni

notes: cyno is so petty in this like hello,, i hope this came out okay i enjoyed writing this. it was either tigharni or alhathaim but, i didn't feel like keeping up with writing two pessimistic characters. tighnari kinda out of place tho im on cyno’s side

IM SORRY THIS IS BAD

•┈୨♡୧┈•

with eyes trained onto you like a hawk, the general mahamatra was shooting daggars from his irises, cursing both you and tighnari. cyno was leant against a tall tree, bark poking into his back, arms crossed and biting his lip. he was hiding behind the lush greenery wanting nothing more than to leave this damn forest and just take you home; to have you all alone with you only focused on him. tighnari was hunched over on the ground, an arm loosely splayed on your back with his other holding a small roll of bandages. whilst walking with your boyfriend, you had ran into tighnari with a little bunny who was bleeding so you had offered to help. you took the bandaids from him and rolled it around the white furred creature, he cooed at the animal softly as you did so.

"who knew you were so sweet with such creatures?" tighnari spoke as he pet the bunny, trying to get it to relax. his curious gaze came to face you. you let out a small chuckle.

"oh... you know, i had a couple bunnies growing up so i guess i know some things." you looked up to him, wide eyed, "its kinda weird how often you come across injured bunnies."

"is that so? well no wonder, you’re as cute as this one here..." his hand went from the small bunny to your chin, lifting your face towards him with a whisk of his finger.

cyno could kill him with no remorse, the way tighnari was touching you so comforting should be illegal. how could he be so okay with doing such a thing in front of him?

this was supposed to be a nice walk in the forest with just you and him, he was finally mustering the courage to hold your hand and here you were cuddle and google eyed with this dope. of course cyno didn't say anything, as you were helping a poor bunny and he didn't want to seem possessive. yet when his own friend touched you so tenderly he had an urge to pull out his pole arm and smack his fox friend on the head with it.

you patched the creature up, and tighnari held him in his arms like a small baby. he heard a grunt that he had looked up over to the white hair man sulking over by a long tree. cyno's brown cheeks were a dark shade and his red eyes were staring down at the grass. his foot grazing the ground back and forth idley. the archer turned to you, watching you dust the loose grass and sand off of your knees before he spoke,

"whats wrong with him?" he asked quietly. you looked up, head waving back and forth before you landed on your boyfriend who imitated that of a child casted away in the corner. you shrugged and tapped tigharni on the shoulder, telling him you'd be back.

cyno saw your shadow approaching him from the grass, he kept his eyes down, refusing to look you in the face. his breathing became irregular and his stomach felt like it was swirling up a concoction. you stood infront of him, a mischevious smile on you face before you lent down to get in his point of view.

"cyno?" you quipped, waving your hand in his face, he snapped his head away, pointing to the other direction. oh, so he wants to catch an attitude. "fine, i'll just spend the rest of my walk with tighnari." you whirled away, not letting his petty feelings bother you, but before your fore foot could even land to the ground, the snow haired boy grabbed your wrist and pulled you to him, "no." he said softly, his ruby eyes peering softly at yours.

he held you for a while, not saying anything. slightly embarassed, you turned back around to find your friend, seeing he got the picture and had distanced himself away, playing with the bunny. cyno grabbed your chin and pulled it to him, "why do you keeping seeking him, focus on me." you laughed at him, was he getting all this worked up over tighnari, really?

"sweetie, calm down okay? it snothing like that i swear, he's your friend don't be like that. you haven't even said hi to him this whole time."

"he doesn't deserve it." he muttured as he got from the tree with you hand in his, slightly tugging it like he’s trying to get you to start walking in the other direction. you let him take you, considering your work with tighnari was done with, though you felt bad to leave him with no parting words.

cyno had taken you deep into the forest, before he stopped suddenly. he leaned into your face, eyes pondering yours. he pulled your hand to rest on his shoulder as he wrapped his hand around your waist, bringing you in by the middle of your back, kissing your plush cheeks.

“whats wrong with you?”

“..you smell like him.” he pouted, hands prancing along your jawline, as he continued to smother you with his lips

“you’re so weird.”

“im weird? i thought i was cyno.”

you bit your lips, holding back a chuckle because that joke was not funny at all. yet you fell a victim to him when his gentle eyes looked at you so lovingly. even the worst of his jokes could get you to crack this way. he softly placed his lips on yours, taking in your sweet scent. he looked into your eyes softly, his cheeks still flushed.

“...you love me?” he muttured.

“of course i do...” nuzzling into his chest, taking in his warm scent of sand, wood and musk. strong built arms carressing your lower back, pulling you into him ever so tight, like if he let you go, you’d slip away. 

“good” he pecked your forehead, resting his chin upon the crown of your head. you relished in this sweet moment in his arms, knowing that all though he can be a bit rash, he only loves you so.

little did you know he was wide eye staring at tighnari from a mile way, the two of them swearing eachother out with only eyes alone. how sweet.

[cno-inbminor]

iterum vivere (childe/tartaglia)

a/n: wow, it’s been fucking forever. first genshin fic featuring childe/tartaglia!!! a very huge thank you to @suspensin​ for reading this over and being my rock and support, and i love her so fucking much. I couldn’t have finished this without her!

plot: reincarnation and modern/uni!au ft. afab reader!traveler with she/they pronouns x childe/tartaglia 

-- in which meeting childe is a bit of a dangerous game of push and pull

wc: 12.1k; angst + fluff

warnings:  DOES CONTAIN IN-GAME SPOILERS (1.5? 1.6? + story quest and idek) and NSFW MENTIONS (mdni to be safe). there’s no explicit smut but thoughts do run a bit wild here and there

EDIT: Altered ChiLumi version now posted on AO3 here!

“Haven’t we met before?”

The shine in your eyes does nothing to hide your curiosity, head even tilting a little in observation. He watches them scan his face for any recognizable features, but attempts to focus on the strange, taut string of déjà vu that pulls him toward you. In a moment of absentmindedness, he had heard a faint voice call out his name from your direction. Confusion overtook him as you weren’t looking at him, but something inside his brain said that it had to be from you. And so his feet redirected his path towards your figure in the student union building, as if on a mission.

“A fucking whale, Childe?”

Oh.

“I don’t think so…?” You trail off, curiosity now replaced by perplexed feelings. “Do we have a class together?”

I think I would’ve noticed you by now if you were.

“Ah, what’s your major?” Childe asks quickly to avoid listening to the little voice in his head.

“History and anthropology, you?”

“Economics, but I’ve taken a history course for core credits. Maybe it was then?”

“With Dr. Zhong?”

“Yes!” He snaps his fingers. Part of his brain decides to usefully function and scan his memories to see if he remembers your face or head of hair in the lecture hall then. “Last year? Tuesdays and Thursdays from 10 to 11:20?”

“Actually, yeah,” you affirm in surprise. You think you would remember the relatively attractive ginger in your class, but honestly, it had all been such a blur and you were often pretty sleepy during class. Dr. Zhong didn’t quite appreciate it, but you made up for it with your exam and essay grades, as well as paying better attention in some of his other courses.

“Did you need me for anything?”

“I’d like for you to come visit and meet my family.”

He’s really not appreciating this extra voice speaking for him.

“Well…uh…” Childe stammers and looks away sheepishly, hand rubbing the back of his neck. He honestly had no reason for approaching you, and now, he just looks like a desperate idiot. Think quick, he tells himself, floundering for some shitty excuse.

“I wanted to, uh, take another history course as an elective and um, wanted to know if you had any recommendations?”

“Oh,” you blink. That’s a first. When he meets your gaze, the swirling shades of sapphire strike something deep within you. Flashes of events you can’t make out go by in the blink of an eye, but then you realize you’ve been staring for too long. Blood rushes to your cheeks because you don’t exactly want this guy to get the wrong idea from you, because how are you supposed to explain, “I’m sorry, but I think we have met before, but just a really, really long time ago, and we might’ve been more than just acquaintances because that’s what it feels like?”

“I think you’d like Teyvat Mythology,” your voice wavers on the verge of cracking. “Dr. Zhong might have a TA this time around, but Xiao’s a great teacher. Doesn’t have long, rambling anecdotes, but explains things well and gets straight to the point.”

“C-cool, I’ll look into it,” Childe replies and smiles brightly. “I’ll head out then,” jabbing a thumb over his shoulder, where he just realized he left a grouchy Scaramouche waiting by a vending machine, newly purchased Starbucks Tripleshot drink in hand. “Nice seeing you, (y/n).”

He scurries off before you both realize that you never told him your name.

“Who’s that?” Scaramouche asks, jutting his chin in your vague direction.

“Someone from my Intro to Liyuean History course last year,” Childe waves off. “Come on, let’s go before the line at the pasta bar gets too long.”

-

The next time you see Childe is by accident, traversing across an open field of grass that many students like to sit out on to relax with friends, sunbathe, hold events, or play casual team sports if room permits.

You had your earbuds in and were scrolling through social media when laughter rang above all other sound, causing your head to snap up and swivel around to find the source. And while it might’ve been strange to an outsider, your steps immediately slowed as you watched the man of your tiring, vivid dreams sprint in your direction, eyes pinned on a frisbee heading towards him.

He’s wearing a grey sports tank and basketball shorts, headband holding back his bangs as he makes a slight jump in the air to catch the plastic disc between his palms. His feet plant into the grass as he looks for someone to pass it to, and you watch (with embarrassment) the muscles in his throwing arm relax and tighten with practice, frisbee steadily soaring through the air in a beautiful arc towards a teammate. He then lightly jogs to get closer to his group, but then his back stiffens.

Before your instincts kick in for you to turn and bail, he looks over his shoulder and stares straight at your now stunned self.

The sole ruby earring that glints in the sunlight catches your attention, and you recall your dreams of terrifyingly dark, violet electric power, blades of water rushing toward you, and then the stomach-churning sensation of falling from great heights pours concrete into your veins—

Childe looks a little amused for having your sole focus, hand lifting up for a quick wave. And as you numbly return the greeting, your heart beats out, “Run from him.”

And so with the flight response pulsing and firing from your synapses, you abruptly speed walk away, almost breaking out into a sprint towards your dorm. You ignore his pointed, confused look, and pretend you don’t feel the two holes of imaginary fire searing into your back. It isn’t until you’re laying back in bed that you release a huge sigh of relief and pray to a deity you don’t believe in that those eyes of mirth will not haunt you tonight.

But of course, with a deity that doesn’t exist, the prayers go unanswered.

-

“Do you believe in any of the mythology you teach?” You ask Xiao about a few days later when you stop by his cubicle. Luckily, no one else is around for this conversation, and Xiao has always been kind enough to humor your thoughts. Granted, he might feel obligated because you had asked Dr. Zhong to be your advisor for your undergraduate Honors thesis, and Xiao was directed to be your receiver of some general questions and source of information if he wasn’t around.

A quick scan of your complexion tells Xiao everything he needs to know. Your eyes are overtaken with rumination and exhaustion, haziness clouding them as you seem to ponder over your own question. It’s not often that you ask him anything not related to your thesis or coursework.

“Perhaps there’s some sense and truth to the tales passed down,” he softly muses. “What makes you ask?”

You lift yourself to sit on the clean area next to his computer, legs slowly swaying back and forth. “It might sound crazy but...I’ve been having dreams lately. They feel too real, too natural to be anything that my mind would make up. I’ve never had the most creative imagination by any means, which is why there’s some comfort to me being a history major, but I can’t shake these.”

“So why ask me about the mythology?”

“...the Archons are there. I even dreamt that I met the Geo and Anemo Archons. And they controlled various elements, just like we were taught.”

You don’t notice that Xiao has ceased his rapid typing, fingers hovering over the keyboard before one hand removes his glasses from his face. He uses the other to rub his eyes and softly pinch the bridge of his nose before sliding the frames back on. Dark, golden amber eyes survey you as you grapple with the unfathomable possibilities of your nightly visions, at least until you shake your head in disbelief at yourself and lightly scoff.

“Who am I kidding?” You ask no one in particular. “Maybe I’ve been doing too much research and everything’s mixing together.”

“You’re ahead of schedule, if that provides any consolation.”

“Some.”

-

It takes Childe a grand total of one minutes and 53 seconds to sign up for Teyvat Mythology for the spring semester.

-

WInter in Liyue is only slightly miserable, being so close to the ocean. It’s chillier than usual on this dreary day, yet something compelled you to exit your dorm and shakily make your way to the campus coffee shop for a warm drink. Coffee, hot chocolate, you haven’t quite decided yet, but just as you let yourself bask in the warm building, familiar ginger hair and blue eyes wash away the comfort.

Or do they douse you in security?

They remind you of your recent dreams that now have shifted away from stress and violence to easygoing summer days by the oceanside, running barefoot in the sand while collecting beautifully patterned azure starconches. Sometimes, you thrust a hand towards an oversized four-leaf clover on a wooden stake with the power of wind and catch yourself in the air, soaring and looking around to find more of the little shells. Other nights, they consist of climbing steep cliffs, only to sit at the edge in the clouds with fatigue wracking through your system and marvel at the view before you.

Someone’s always with you though, ruby earring and maroon mask and cobalt blue gem hanging from the waist, sprinting with you, playfully tackling you down, pulling you up towards mountain peaks, laying their head on your shoulders, brushing their lips against your cheek--

You welcome the change of peace in those dreams, but only because they don’t leave you quite as tired the next day, as if you’d been avoiding an inescapable dark force.

Part of you wants the burning question of why this person, this man, in all his glory and brightness, affects you so fucking much when you barely even know the guy -- why looking at him sends your heart to lodge itself in your esophagus, why your lungs feel like they’re so close to being completely collapsed under the weight of his stare, why feeling like you’re trapped and  caught between wanting to run towards yet away from him.  It makes no sense, and you’re tired of trying to make sense of anything you don’t exactly want to remember from your dreams for some, once again, inexplicable reason.

But there’s no time to think as he quickly ambles towards you, your own feet shuffling forward to meet him in a warped reference of a distance that constitutes to “the middle” before you can stop yourself. Your shivering hasn’t quite stopped yet, and Childe seems to take notice of it.

“Pretty cold out there,”  he softly states. It’s cute, the way you’re curling in on yourself to retain some warmth.

“Y-yeah, not sure why I decided I really needed something warm to drink right now,” you reply and avoid his gaze. He watches you peer over his shoulder to squint at the menu display hanging from the ceiling, seemingly contemplating on what you should get.

“How about I get yours today? My treat for your class recommendation last time.” Anything to keep you here longer. Childe doesn’t realize how much he’s missed you, which confuses him, and chooses to ignore the fact that he’d been camping himself at the study tables in the building where the history department is located in hopes of even just catching a quick glimpse of you.

“Oh, you don’t have to do that,” you immediately attempt to subvert his generous offer, hands shooting out from your jacket pockets and waving in rejection. “It was nothing.”

“Please?” Childe puts on his best puppy eyes before reaching for one of your wrists, gently tugging you to the register. “Just this once?”

You want so badly to squash the tiny flare of disappointment that erupts in your chest from the newly acquired knowledge that this was just a one time thing. Do econ majors hate to feel in debt? That they must be even with everyone, or would rather have people indebted to them than the other way around?

There’s no time to think when Childe gives the cashier his order before turning to you, and without wanting to waste anyone’s time, you rattle off your usual beverage. He’s quick in fishing out his student ID to spend some of his campus currency, shooting you a boyish grin when you pout at your half-opened wallet.

“Go take that table over there,” he says, pointing to one in the corner by some windows. “I’m gonna tell my friends to go on without me.”

“I didn’t mean to intrude or pull you away from them,” you slightly panic. The sooner you can leave, the better. Right? “You don’t need to sit with me, I was just gonna head back to my dorm.”

“I insist. Go ahead, I’ll be right there.”

Why your brain takes his orders over your own is a mystery in and of itself, because before you know it, you’re plopped down in one of the lounge seats and staring off into space, mind reeling over the last two minutes. You pretend you can’t hear the way Childe’s friends nudge his arm playfully with their shoulders, wiggling their eyebrows suggestively as Childe tries to get them to stop being nonsensical.

“You’re gonna scare them off,” he hisses at them, hands pushing at their backs so they could finally leave him to his devices.

“Not before you do!” One of them laughs and Childe groans at their antics. “All right, all right, we’ll go. They’re cute though, might steal them if you don’t make a move.”

The darkening of the aura surrounding Childe is too quick for them to fully process, not before he dampens any of their fleeting hopes with a, “Don’t even fucking think about it.”

But it disappears just as fast when his and your drinks are called out, and he gives them one last shove before retrieving your to-go cups. Childe directs all his focus towards the seat diagonally from yours as opposed to the one that’s straight across, and you’re sharply ripped away from whatever reverie you let yourself slip into.

“Thank you,” you murmur, hands cupping the drink and feeling the heat seep into your fingertips. “You really didn’t have to, it was nothing big.”

“Can you blame me for just trying to find an excuse to finally talk to you?” He asks without a skip and you can’t tell if the quickening of your heartbeat is from a looming sense of doom or excitement. Those eyes, the tiny swirls of the ocean, blue like those shells buried in the sand--

It takes three seconds too long for you to understand where he was going with in his words, and part of you feels unamused at his smooth talking. You’ve always guarded yourself against guys like Childe, devilishly handsome who know their way around language semantics, ready to pull you in and just as ready to push you away. That (possibly unfair) bias, coupled with everything else you’ve been feeling for him, sounded the alarms and set the walls up around your heart. Perhaps you need to stop wearing your heart on your sleeve, because Childe immediately retracts his forwardness.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I promise I’m not looking for anything in return and you don’t owe me anything, but I really did just...want to sit and talk and...get to know you?” Childe trails off a little towards the end. Your body loosens up and relaxes just a tiny bit, feeling bad for your snap judgment. Let the guy do something nice, don’t look into it too much, you tell yourself. It’s a coffee, not a five-course dinner.

You reach out a hand towards him, small smile across your lips, ready for his to join yours in a quick handshake. “I’m (y/n), senior history and anthropology double major. It’s nice to meet you.”

The pounding of your heart against your ribcage has nothing to do with the shimmering of his eyes, nothing to do with the fact that his hand fits with yours just right, and nothing to do with the fact that an eerily similar voice from your dreams whispers, “I love you.”

You learn a number of things about Tartaglia in the four hours, like his family members and their respective interests, which classes he did and didn’t enjoy taking, certain takes on Schnezhnayan politics, his own various hobbies, crazy accidents from the occasional college parties, and more. He’s a bit of an open book, probably telling you way more than any regular person would, and definitely more than anything you revealed during all this time. Everything you tell him seems surface level, nothing too deep. The walls are still there to protect you from the unexplainable, profound feelings his presence seems to elicit, and luckily, he doesn’t prod any further. Childe feels the resistance and respects it, which just adds more brownie points in your book, and you almost feel bad for having given so little in return.

“I wish we were taking Teyvat Myth together,” he sighs when walking you back to your dorm, hands stuffed in his pockets. His ruby earring catches the light from the sunset, the shade almost complimentary to the golden amber rays that streak across the sky. “Would’ve helped having a history major in there.”

“Is that all I am to you, an answer bank?” You jokingly ask, but he watches concerningly as you shoot your gaze to the ground, mindfully stepping over the cracks between concrete slabs.

“Of course not,” a gentle sincerity reaches you, giving you the confidence to make eye contact with him. “I’m sorry for making it sound like that, it wasn’t my intention. I really just meant it as a way of saying if the professor or TA ended up being a total bore, then well, having you would make it more fun.”

“I’m sure I’d bore you even more,” chuckling, speeding up to get away. You’re growing too comfortable in whatever atmosphere Childe has created, like an enclosed air bubble bobbing gently in the depths of the sea and letting the waves carry you both to whichever ends of the earth.

“Hey,” he interjects, hand reaching out to stop you with a soft yank of your wrist. There is no resisting force from you, feet stepping backward until he meets you eye to eye. It’s unfair in the way that he can render you motionless by standing just an inch from you, arms brushing with his head tilted closer to your own. “Seriously, I’m glad we did this today. Are you?”

No, because now I don’t know what to think, I don’t know who you are, I’m not any closer to figuring out why you terrify yet leave me so enamoured with you, I’m torn between punching and kissing you and--

“Yes,” you subconsciously answer, brain immediately short-circuiting to scold yourself. “I had fun.”

His grin, charming, devilish, is so so bright, bright enough to rival the Liyue sun that sits on the pier, on the edge of the ocean, bright enough to rival the love that your fraternal twin showers you with on a daily basis. You want time to stop right here because you’re almost sick of the voice settled deep within your heart that screams, “Don’t get comfortable, you must run from him!”

“Good. Let’s do this again?” And you nod, of course you do. Foolish you. “Don’t be a stranger!” He calls out as he turns on his heel and waves over his shoulder, hand raised in the air, and you’re suddenly transported to another scene, a less refined version of the Liyue Harbor, watching as the head of ginger hair with a red mask in a flashier attire of grey and maroon walks away from you and onto a roaring, magnificent ship; big, ivory sails only seen in books and museums. It’s the same gesture of “see you later”, and just before he turns, you blink, and you’re back to seeing your campus again.

But Childe does look back once, warm and content that you’re still standing there, watching over him, and he can’t help but think about when he can spend time with you again, because suddenly, it truly feels like there’s not enough of it anymore.

-

“Excuse me, what’s a Red Bull?”

The last thing, or person rather, you expect to see on the last day of finals for the fall semester, is a small boy who looks way too young to be here, tugging on the sleeve of your windbreaker. He’s at most eleven, ten maybe, but he has eerily similar characteristics, as well as an accent that doesn’t quite belong to most Liyue natives. Still gathering your bearings from your own perusing of the fridges that hold all the possible beverages a college student could consume, you kneel down until you’re at eye level with the child.

“Repeat that for me? Are you looking for a Red Bull, you say?”

“Yes!” He beams and holds out a student ID that most definitely doesn’t belong to him. “My brother asked me to grab him one because he was busy with something.”

Your eyes flit over to the top shelves where the aforementioned cans of caffeine are located, and definitely too high for someone of his height to reach. “I’ll grab one for you. Did he ask for a specific flavor?”

“Nope, he said regular. Thanks, you’re really nice! Do you know my brother?” He asks, waving the ID at you so you can get a better look at the name. That’s definitely a face you recognize, but the name leaves you confused.

“Yeah, um,” glance over again, “I know...Ajax…”

“He’s the best toy seller in the whole world!”

Somehow, it suits him much better than Childe or Tartaglia, and you’re not quite sure what toys have anything to do with the matter at hand. Speaking of hands, the little boy grabs yours in sheer delight. “Can you take me back to his room? I kinda forgot the directions he told me, and everything’s so big around here.”

“Sure, just let me buy something, too, and I’ll take you.”

“Okay!”

The cashier isn’t the least bit fazed by the little brunette at your side -- it’s always common for family members to come in around the end of semesters to pick up kids or visit, and being an open building with snacks and drinks and a stopping point of most tours, they’ve seen it all. You even let him pick out a bag of chips and a candy bar for himself for being so polite and not a complete menace, paying with your own campus currency.

Teucer, as you’ve learned in the last two minutes, likes to point out things and ask you questions. Luckily, you have answers to most of them and do your best to pad the time, enjoying the feeling of a tiny hand wrapped around three of your fingers. It’s sweet to any normal passerby, believing they’re witnessing an older sister doting on their little brother around the holidays, but to Childe, seeing the tender sweetness on your face as you nod along to whatever Teucer is rambling about to you, sets his heart aflame. He’s already constantly on the verge of wanting to hug and kiss you and never let go, but you haven’t made any indication that you could potentially like him back, and this is just torture.

“Look what they bought me!” Teucer shoves his rewards in Childe’s face as if he had extremely poor eyesight, and you can’t help but laugh a little as you set his Red Bull down on his desk, clutching your own preferred beverage while looking around his room. Finals must have gotten to him with the unusual lack of tidiness in the small space, some laundry strewn here and there, a couple boxes of eaten microwave dinners in the metal wire trash can, some textbooks left open and marked with more sticky notes than you’ve ever seen. You’d only been here once before to drop off some food that he desperately messaged you about, stuck doing a project that he just couldn’t step away from.

“Pretend you don’t see the mess,” Childe pleads, handing a kid tablet to his brother but holding on before Teucer can take it. “What do you say to our nice friend here for buying you these snacks?”

“Thank you!”

“It was nothing,” you shyly smile, ruffling his hair. “I enjoyed meeting you.”

“Wait, what’s your name again?”

“It’s (Y/n).”

“Okay, (y/n)! Wait…(y/n)..as in…”

Teucer trails off and gives a look to his brother, one that spells curiosity and trouble, before he grabs your hand and pulls you into a corner. Any movement Childe makes to leave his desk chair is immediately squashed by Teucer’s disapproval, and the older man is left to helplessly worry when you’re told to squat down so secrets can be whispered into your ear.

“He talks about you a lot whenever he calls home,” and you want to laugh at Tecuer’s attempt to sound as scandalous as possible. “All the time! I think he likes you, like, like like.”

Oh. Oh dear.

“What makes you say that?” You whisper back, indulging both yourself and him, yet also internally snickering at how troubled Childe looks.

“Sometimes, he video calls mama, but we’ll all sit around and talk, and whenever he’s talking about how he saw you or something, he just looks...happy. Really happy.”

The surprise on your face does nothing to settle Childe’s nerves and he’s about to start wringing his hands together. Whatever Teucer was telling you couldn’t be good, probably embarrassing, like the one time he unceremoniously fell on his ass while ice skating over a frozen lake, or when he tried fitting fifteen marshmallows in his mouth and nearly choked on them when their mother caught them in the act, or--

“I think he just thinks of me as a good friend,” you try to inform Teucer, not letting yourself get any semblance of hope. “Nothing more, nothing less.”

“If you say so,” Teucer pouts. But then he stops whispering and bounds over back to his brother, grabbing the tablet before plopping down on the half-made bed.

“Look, I was overconfident and thought I could execute a perfect single loop on the ice, but there was a rock and I lost balance and--”

“I wasn’t being told any stories about you falling on ice, but do tell me more,” you chuckle and take some joy in watching the blush spread across his cheeks. It’s easy to tell that he’s mentally berating himself for jumping to conclusions.

“Well, first off, thanks for buying him all that, and my drink, too,” he sighs. “I spoil him enough as it is.”

“I can see why it’s hard not to,” you smile knowingly. “So is it just him here? Where’s the rest of your family?”

“Funny story, he somehow managed to convince my parents to let him come here on his own as his first ever plane flight, so I had to pick him up yesterday from the airport. He’s flying back with me tomorrow.”

“And the RA?” You ask with an eyebrow raised.

“Ah...well...what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him? Speaking of, what was Teucer whispering to you about?”

There’s a pensiveness that overtakes you when you look at Teucer again, who’s happily playing some sort of game and completely oblivious to the rest of his surroundings. You won’t, can’t, take his words to heart, and will take them with a grain of salt at most.

“Nothing important. Although I did learn something new...Ajax?”

“Say my name -- fuck, say it, please--”

“I guess cat’s out of the bag,” he chuckles and looks away, absolutely unaware of the flare of heat that swirls in your stomach from the fleeting vision just now. “I came up with other nicknames as a kid to seem cooler, and they just stuck with me. Plus, the business world is full of people who just want something from you, or just a transactional relationship. I’d rather not give my real name to them, if you know what I mean.”

“That’s fair,” you nod and lean to sit on the edge of his desk. A thought pops into your head and you turn the words over in your head like a washing machine on the spin setting, teeth gnawing on the flesh of your bottom lip. If Teucer hadn’t been in the room, he would’ve been this close to kissing you.

“But if it’s worth anything,” your voice slowly, softly starts, cautious and wary of your thoughts. “I think...Ajax suits you best.”

Curse fate. Curse the legendary Archons. Curse karma and deities and spirits because all he wants to do right now is stand and tower over you, trap you between himself and his desk so you can’t escape, take those pretty lips between his until they’re bruised and swollen because of him, hear you call out his name in the throes of pleasure so he can finally replace his fantasies with tangible memories. The unnatural, magnetic pull that draws him to you is unbearable now -- he feels like he’ll lose the last tendrils of his sanity if he doesn’t do something.

You can’t stop him from slowly reaching out to grab one of your hands, lifting it towards him until he’s close enough for you to feel his breath ghost over your knuckles. It sends a shiver down your spine and blood is pounding in your ears because you can’t begin to fathom what he’s thinking about while doing this, even more so when his lips make contact with your skin and your breath hitches, stuck in your throat as he languidly peeks at you beneath his eyelashes with a heated gaze, then lowly confessing, “My name sounds best when you say it.”

Good heavens.

It’s difficult to swallow and keep your composure, especially when Teucer yells out in glee over, what you can assume, beating something in his game, and Childe drops your hand. But his dilated pupils don’t retract in the slightest, refusing to let you look away so that maybe, you can understand what he’s trying to convey to you. He’s taking the first step because he’s terrible and can’t contain his self-control anymore, pushing the ball into your court, ready for you to either play or exit into the sidelines.

When you do blink, there’s a vision of your naked body wrapped around another, limbs clinging desperately to a sturdy and panting frame. Lips, much like the ones that have seared themselves onto your knuckles, are at your neck and sucking, biting, before moving to your ear and laying filthy words into them that drive you closer to the edge. It all happens so fast that you feel you’ve just experienced whiplash, yet also feeling secondhand embarrassment at how lewd some of these thoughts have been.

You can’t stay here any longer.

“I-I have to go,” spills off your tongue before you can really think about it. The way the haze shatters in his eyes is heartbreaking in its own way, but there’s no time for you to explain. Your brain is in overdrive and eager to run, run, run. It detects danger on all fronts, but you muster out a, “H-have a good break, come find me next semester, mmk?”

And you’re out the door with inhuman speed. When the door clicks shut, only then does Teucer look up from his screen and frown at the lack of your presence. “Where’d they go?”

Chlide doesn’t seem to hear him, and Teucer has never seen his big brother look so sad and confused before.

-

He holds on to that last tendril of hope, because mark his words, he will find you come January.

-

After about a week at home, enjoying the festive time with his family and mildly unconcerned about next year’s courses because that was a problem for another day, Childe has his first, crazy, nonsensical dream.

At least, that’s what he tells himself when he snaps awake and his body aches with exhaustion. Not only are his joints in agony, he also feels like he’s sporting unforeseen bruises, which makes absolutely no sense because he hasn’t done anything that would warrant them, no matter how much he and his brothers do some rough-housing. His night of sleep was all consumed by flashes and scenes of weapon fighting, lucid enough to remember feeling his arms flex and wield bows and double-headed polearms and being cognizant of all the enemies??? surrounding him. They ranged from deranged looking monsters, floating beings with soulless masks, and large humans in electricity-padded armor, to behemoth machines in the sky that could leave you within an inch of your life thanks to a drill for a hand?!

But what’s even worse is that you seem to have managed a deal with Morpheus himself and infiltrated his dreams. You were there, too, sometimes fighting with him, sometimes against him, much to his dismay, and while it was nice, he just didn’t get it. Why the friendliness and hostility? Why was there an anger that overtook him when looking directly at you, parrying your blade and sending harmful arcs of water toward your figure?

Why did he relish the fear in your eyes when he darted towards you with electricity cracking through the air?

There’s an overwhelming sensation now to grab his phone to text you and apologize -- for what, he can’t fathom and there are no words to accurately convey what he’s thinking. “Hey, sorry for wanting to kill you in my dream :( “? Or “Sorry for being a friend but then stabbing you in the back, but then being nice to you again”?

And the only thing that really made sense was the serenity and contentment that would course through his veins as the two of you danced around on ivory sandy beaches, picking up shiny blue starconches and taking down more weird creatures; the breathlessness when you would fall back into the water and re-emerge to reconfirm his beliefs that you were one of the most beautiful humans he’d ever laid his eyes on; the love--

Hold the fuck up.

He doesn’t love you. He likes you a whole lot and he’s severely and deathly attracted to you, but he doesn’t love you. Your existence has only been made known to him for about two months, and he didn’t really start talking to you until three weeks in. So no matter how comfortable he feels with you, no matter how much he wishes that you were sleeping peacefully next to him so his nights wouldn’t feel so lonely, it was too early, too hasty, to say that he loves you.

“I’ve been wondering, why didn’t you bring them home?” His mother asks him out of nowhere during breakfast, all to add to this extremely tumultuous roller-coaster morning he’s been having. All he wants to do is eat his bowl of milk and cereal, then potentially go back to sleep before fulfilling his promise to go with his siblings to the nearby skating rink. It takes everything in him to not choke on his spoon of grains.

“Agreed, didn’t you mention they didn’t really have any family to go back to and that the move to Liyue was semi-permanent?” His father chimes in, laying a quick peck on his wife’s temple. “It’s never fun to spend the holidays alone.”

“They would’ve felt like they were intruding,” Childe replies quietly, stabbing his bowl a few times before scooping up another spoonful of cereal to his mouth. “I know we’re friends, but we haven’t known each other for that long, and maybe they’d be uncomfortable because that’s a lot honestly…”

“You don’t know until you try,” his mother sings and pats him on the shoulder. “We do have a guest room after all.”

“For them and their twin?”

“And quite a comfortable futon with enough blankets.”

Childe smiles fondly at his parents’ kindness. He can only imagine what this winter break would’ve been like now -- you and your twin floating around, trying to help out with certain chores, sitting by the fireplace and watching TV, huddled up with mugs of hot chocolate, playing board games with everyone and engaging in all the shenanigans…

Laughing. Loving. Grinning. Basking.

Handing over one of his hoodies to you as a sick way of torturing yet blessing himself for seeing how lovely you look in his clothes, standing silently in the doorway as you attempt to help out with mealtimes next to his mother, watching you run around in the backyard and dodging his siblings’ snowballs while lodging a few of your own -- how wonderful it all would be.

But he squashes it down as quickly as possible, because you escaped his grasp. You ran away from his advances temporarily and even though you gave him permission to seek you out come the spring semester, he worries that you might take it back. Something will wake up inside of you to keep him out of your heart and your life, and he’s not confident enough at this point to believe there’s a good chance you will come spend the holidays with him and his family next year.

“Maybe next year, ma,” he sends her a hesitant, yet somewhat broken purse of his lips that’s just the least bit curved. It tells her everything he’s thinking, and the quick patting of his cheek lets him know she understands.

Half an hour later, Childe finds himself curled up on his side under the sheets, phone in hand as he stares at a blinking cursor. It shouldn’t be so hard to send a text to convey his holiday greetings, because that’s all it is -- part of him is becoming desperate and aching for some interaction with you, even if it’s just a text sent back for conventional social pleasantries. He’ll take it for now, right?

Before he can totally chicken out, his thumbs quickly type a, “Happy Holidays, (y/n) :)”, and it’s a little embarrassing how quickly after he hits the ‘send’ button that he tosses it over his shoulder so he’s not directly looking at it anymore. His heartbeat is too quick and he prays for no phantom vibrations or phantom sound notifications to avoid any disappointment of thinking he got a reply. It was a harmless text, yet he’s treating it like he just got assigned on a mission to go and murder someone for the first time. What will he do if you never text him back? Does that mean you really don’t want to talk to him? Are you dead in a ditch somewhere? Did you change numbers and not tell him? Did your twin get all the details and make the executive decision to block his number? Will he never get a chance to talk to you again, even if it’s about something in the Teyvat Mythology class next semester? Will you--

His shoulder screams in protest when he quickly flips himself over at the text notification sound, hands shakily unlocking his phone and opening up your conversation again. His heart rate significantly decreases, reaching back to its normal pace, especially as he reads the little words on his screen.

“Happy Holidays, Ajax ^^”

There is hope.

-

“You’re thinking about him, aren’t you?”

You’re huddled under the comforter of your twin’s bed, phone just peeking above the edge as you stare at it with a brightness in your eyes. For the most part, you had been sulking there, apart from meals and going back to your own room to sleep, and mentally berating yourself for the way you reacted to Childe the week before.

“He just texted me to say happy holidays,” shrugging to put on a facade of indifference. It’s stupid that you’re trying to hide your feelings from your twin of all people, who could pick apart and identify your emotions in a heartbeat. A roll of his eyes lets you know that you haven’t fooled him at all.

“So you think that whatever comment he made, which was very suggestive and indicative of clearly non-platonic feelings, was just something...friendly? Remind me again how you came to that conclusion?”

“I don’t know what I was thinking!” You whine, looking around to see if there was anything you could toss at him. “It’s just, with everything, all the dreams and stupid gut feelings, I just -- I don’t know, okay?? I can’t tell you enough how much I wish I had just kissed his stupid face and see where it goes from there.”

“Okay, gross, but don’t beat yourself up. Though...I do have a good idea on how to maybe get a good reaction out of him. You wanna go to the New Years’ celebration at Xiangling’s?”

“I think she’d threaten me with a knife if I didn’t. She wanted to go shopping at some point, too.”

“I’ll drop the overprotective brother act for one night, okay? One night, just to let this happen, and for your peace of mind.”

He does a fair amount of conspiring with Xiangling, a friend they met one time at a restaurant a couple years ago, even tagging along on the shopping trip. Together, the three of you find yourself a dress that Xiangling swears would make any person drool over you, including Childe, because at the end of the day, he was a person with the possibility of being attracted to you.

You think it’s a bit silly, but honestly, what do you have to lose at this point?

-

At 11:57PM on New Years’ Eve, Childe is standing outside in the freezing cold with his family, arms lifting up bags of sparklers and fireworks. They’ve driven out closer to the wild like they do every year, and everybody excitedly gets lighters ready, making sure someone’s got a clock out there that tells the seconds. As the younger kids open up the packaging and argue over which one to set off first, Childe’s phone vibrates in his coat pocket.

It’s 11:58PM when he manages to fish the device out and thank himself for buying gloves that are touch-screen friendly, excited to see that there are two texts from you, the latter reading, “Happy New Year!”. It doesn’t matter that you’re a little early, but he’s mainly intrigued by the fact a photo came before it. In his mind, you’re probably curled up with your twin brother, hopefully a selfie because wow, he misses your face.

He gets something else instead, and he is so glad that it’s dark outside and the electric lamp they have is too far away from him to draw any attention.

You have your arm around your brother’s waist and another girl’s that he doesn’t recognize, but it’s a full frontal view of your outfit, one that hugs your curves beautifully and shows more cleavage than he’s ever seen from you, sophisticated and elegant, yet fun and leaving enough to the imagination. There’s a bright smile coming from all of you, and you look like you’re at someone’s house or apartment with plenty of other people milling around in the back, but they don’t matter, not when all he can focus on is you.

Gorgeous, breathtaking, arousing, mind blowing, and gods, he wishes he could teleport to Liyue at this moment, find you, and kiss you right at midnight. Fuck the fact that he doesn’t exactly believe in superstitions like, “Kissing your significant other at midnight means you’ll last forever!” but he’s willing to take the chance with it on this night and the ones after, if he’s allowed. He tries not to think too much about pinning you against the wall and letting the world dissolve -- wants to be the one with the privilege to drag down that zipper and feel his bare skin on yours, and --

As Teucer starts yelling there’s only a minute left, he instinctively locks his phone and shoves it away out of anyone’s view. The last thing he needs is his family teasing him about ogling at your photo for a straight 50 seconds, wide-eyed and pupils on the verge of dilating, the visible breath leaving his mouth just a smudge more dense and prominent than usual.

The only thing he can do to distract himself from popping a boner in front of his parents is to join in on the countdown, making sure all the fireworks are set up correctly and grabbing a sparkler for himself. He waves it around with Tonia and promises to fulfill her wishes of taking one of those pictures right as she draws a pattern in the air. Their excitement is palpable and addicting, and even though the larger fireworks set off a few seconds after midnight hits, the nostalgia fills his lungs with fond memories and future wishes that they only continue this tradition for as long as possible, and hopefully, with you at his side.

-

When it’s 12:04AM, you get a picture message back of Childe bundled up in a black paletot coat, matching beanie and all, a gloved hand holding a sparkler and lips curved upwards, with a caption that says, “Happy New Year’s! See you soon :)”. You show it to Xiangling and your brother, both taking it as a win in their books, although the former does tipsily protest that there should be a better indicator of Childe’s brain breaking at how amazing you look right now. Maybe she’s prophetic, because another text chimes in and the words set you aflame, as well as suggestive whoops into your ears.

It’s a simple, “You look incredible btw”.

If you didn’t want to properly savor this moment, you would’ve found the nearest shot of the strongest liquor and tossed it back with abandon. But you want to remember the warmth in your veins that wasn’t from the alcohol or the heating, the fluttering of your heartbeat, the teeth-baring grin that you couldn’t fight off, the constant re-reading of those four words -- because they’re so different from everything you had been feeling before with him, the need for protection, the need to escape. Instead, you’d like to be in his arms right now and see for yourself how he’d look at you in this moment, and if he would take any action.

You want him to. So, so bad.

-

Childe spends his last week at home hating the fact that you’re just sitting around somewhere in Liyue, doing whatever you’re doing, probably doing some light preparation for your last semester of classes, and he’s not there to take advantage of all this free time and hang out with you. When classes start, it’ll be busy and hectic. You still have your thesis to finish and revise, and while that won’t eat up all your time, it’s still some that he’d want to fill in with his presence if he could. He debates whether or not he should ask for your schedule and compare it with his, maybe set up meetings every other day or propose that they all eat one meal together every day. Childe’s not quite sure of what you plan to do after graduation, as it hasn’t come up in conversation yet, but either way, he’s determined to stay in contact and make things work out. Long distance isn’t ideal, but with technology now, he’ll take it.

He feels a little bad for how excited he probably looked to be leaving home, uncharacteristic for the most part. His older siblings have already gone back to their respective homes, and it’s mainly Teucer and Tonia that worry and tear up when he starts packing his belongings. Tonia finds it unfair that Teucer got to meet you first and the latter makes sure to rub it into everyone’s faces. It’s hard for Childe to sleep on the plane because he’s thrumming with excitement, yet somehow even more nervous than usual when the plane hits small bouts of turbulence, and he doesn’t seem to relax until he sets foot back on campus.

He’s here. It’s January, and you’re physically closer to him than ever in the last two weeks.

-

“Found you.”

On the first day of classes, you’re sitting alone with some salad greens in a bowl, poking your fork at some scraps while you watch something on your phone, earbuds in and back towards the entrance of the canteen. It would explain the unannounced entrance of the very person who’s been at the forefront of nearly every thought in the last 96 hours, his fingers gingerly removing an earbud to surprise you as best as possible, and you startle in your seat.

Your heart kicks into overdrive when he hands you back your earbud and pulls out the seat next to you, setting his own plate of food down as he plops down in his chair. But then he says nothing afterwards, instead choosing to send you a cheeky grin before digging in. You’re left to slowly phase out of your state of shock, stuck between either running away or frantically texting your twin to come and save you even though he was off on a date with Keqing.

It’s not that you weren’t elated at the fact that Childe had done exactly as you told him last month, you just weren’t...prepared? It’s a shitty excuse and a cop out -- you’re mainly just having trouble with racking your brain to find the right words. What are you supposed to say? What should you do? Is it socially acceptable to lean over and kiss him on the cheek because that’s what you’d like to impulsively do at this very second??

“So you did,” you settle and steal a roasted potato wedge from his plate. It’s his turn to be taken by surprise, but he gets over it much quicker than you do. In fact, he spears two wedges and drops them in your bowl, smiling at you as best as he can with a mouth full of food. You give them your thanks before the silence settles in again.

“Did you have a good break?” He asks before his next bite.

“I did. You?”

“It was nice. My parents said I should’ve brought you and your twin home to spend the holidays with us. Can’t say it didn’t cross my mind before finals.”

Holy shit, what? “We couldn’t intrude like that, but that’s really nice of you guys.”

“That’s okay, there’s plenty of chances to visit later.”

You tilt your head and furrow your eyebrows. “But we graduate this semester?”

Childe challenges you with one of his own eyebrows raised. “And? Are we never gonna see each other again?”

Honestly, the possibility had occurred to you. You aren’t entirely sure of Childe’s plans after graduation, and if that meant he was staying in Liyue or going back to Snezhnaya or even moving to Inazuma or Mondstat. While people preach on and on about how lasting friendships and relationships are often formed during college, you believe it’s more common to slowly drift apart as life gets busier. And if Childe moved away, or if you did, it’d be hard to consistently keep in touch with 10 hour workdays.

The thought saddens you, regardless. You like him so much and you’re glad that he was even in your life to begin with, because as unbelievable as it sounds, seeing him was almost akin to the feeling of coming home. Amidst all your nerves, your confusion, your spiraling thoughts, something deeply sated in your heart was a comfort that you found with very few people in your life whenever in his presence.

The thought of leaving and never looking back somehow doesn’t feel new -- it’s bittersweet, but the air in your lungs feels like it’s surrendered to something, like it was to be expected.

“You can’t just leave without telling me--”

“It was last minute! I had no choice!”

“You could’ve written up a message, anything--”

“Can you imagine the position you’d be in if the message got intercepted? I wouldn’t have been safe, she’d make you come after me--”

“As if you’d be any safer in Inazuma of all places! That’s the one place I can’t easily get to!”

“I can take care of myself, Childe, I don’t need you to protect me.”

“This isn’t about me protecting you, (y/n) and -- stop walking, will you?!”

“Then what is this about?” You spin on your wheel with eyes aflame. “Why are you so angry with me? It’s normal for me to disappear for weeks at a time, why was this any different?”

“Because you could’ve died!” He yells back in despair, chest heaving. Your silence is his cue to continue. “You could’ve died and I wouldn’t have known until much later. You could’ve died and all I’d ever think about were the things I never got to say to you, and how I wish I had treated every day with you like it was our last.”

It isn’t hard to tell that you’re stunned and at a complete loss for words. Childe often hides behind facades of charm and wit, and only when he is truly weak does he choose to be this vulnerable, baring his heart for you to see.

“I only have two nightmares in this world. One, my family being harmed in any way. Two, reading in a report or hearing from an agent that you’ve been captured and killed.”

“I like to think that we will.”

His hand reaches out to lay on top of yours, giving it a quick squeeze. “Well, let’s make the most of it this semester.”

Conversation afterwards is easy, filling each other in on holiday activities. Childe speaks extensively about several family traditions and you listen with rapt attention, basking in how fond he is of all of them. Even as you both bring your dishes to the return belt and leave, he immediately offers to drive you both somewhere to get boba, noticing your reluctance to part ways. But boba shops have to close, and you both have class tomorrow morning, and you’re both finding any excuse to keep talking, even if that means sitting outside your dorm building on a nearby bench.

You eventually bid each other good night’s and see you later’s, him refusing to walk away until the heavy door locks shut behind you after you swipe your student ID, and you looking over your shoulder to watch his figure disappear into the night.

-

True to his intentions, Childe makes great efforts to meet you at least once a day, and he can’t get enough. Each parting from you tugs and tugs at his heart, as if there’s a high possibility you’ll never want to see him again the next day, and he wouldn’t know what to do with himself. Your twin and Childe get along well for the most part, and he even meets Xiangling on one of her shifts at her regular restaurant, who sends you a salacious wink and an eyebrow wiggle over his shoulder that nearly causes you to burst from embarrassment.

February rolls over without a hitch, even if you’re a little disappointed that Childe didn’t make a move for Valentine’s Day. Granted, you two still spent time with each other and he’s so darn physically affectionate and he bought you a carnation from the event his dorm held, but you wish you had the guts to fess up and just kiss the man.

It’ll happen some day, you tell yourself. You have time before graduation.

Two days before the end of the Friday that would signal the start of Spring Break, you wake up in a cold sweat, mind reeling and head splitting, heart so so heavy, as a connection is made between your present and your dreams. Not long after, there are tears streaming silently down your face and into your open palms placed in your lap, and you sit in shock as everything comes back to you. Memories are such treasured burdens, you realize.

For the most part, you had gotten used to the dreams, choosing to take charge of what you know and feel now with Childe over succumbing to some strange neurological premonitions. Especially in your dreams when many people’s faces were blurred over and hazy, and the only things you could rely on were voices, touch, and other physical features. You thought that maybe your mind was just playing tricks by transposing Childe’s hair onto a body that was also strikingly similar to his, but for the first time last night, you could see each defining feature on his face as clear as day.

The sight of his figure arching gracefully over yours, the water arrows that appeared out of thin air, the back that protected you from some military men, the voice that said, “Hey girlie, hold still.”

And that was when you had snapped awake to your current state.

Past the initial shock and uncontrollable tears, you soon bent over as sobs wracked your chest, overwhelmed by all the emotions and the pain the memories brought you; losing your twin, finding him to only be left with even more questions after roaming for decades and decades, meeting all your loved ones throughout Mondstat and Liyue, fighting yet falling so hard for Childe, feeling the fear when facing his Foul Legacy form, hating him for Osial, loving him, breathing heavily as the tip of your blade was pointed at his neck and his own just centimeters from yours, tendrils of water inching closer and closer--

Everything makes sense now.

When you meet your twin for lunch at the cafeteria, you pay no mind to the fact that you’re in public and hug him harder than you ever have in years. He’s already a little alarmed that your eyes seem swollen and you look like finals came two months early, but when he asks what’s wrong, all he gets is a shake of your head and nothing more than, “Just a bad nightmare. I love you, y’know that?”

“I love you too?”

“Don’t sound so unsure, now let’s go and get in line before they run out of Jueyun Chili Chicken.”

Even when you meet Xiao later in the early evening to talk about your thesis, you find yourself holding back more tears just two minutes in, reminded of his past and his own life, and he’s moderately concerned, hesitantly handing you a tissue from the corner of his desk when a stray tear escapes. “Is everything okay?” He hesitantly asks, really hoping that he didn’t do anything to make you cry.

“No,” you almost wail and sniffle while dabbing at your eyes. “Sorry, it’s just been a really long day.”

Xiao’s inquisitive gaze softens, remembering how hard undergraduate life could be sometimes. Graduate school was a whole other level, but that shouldn’t discount your own personal difficulties. Plus, in all of the year and a half that he’s known you, you’ve never broken down like this before in front of him.

“You work really hard, Xiao,” you continue, and he’s not sure where this is coming from. “You’re always so helpful and willing to work with me and answer my stupid questions and like-- you practice self-care, right?”

Xiao nods as a white lie, but it seems to comfort you. Maybe too much because you pull him in for a quick and unexpected hug, and you both decide to reschedule this meeting for tomorrow.

As per usual, you wait for Childe to join you for dinner since you finished up earlier than expected. It gives you more time to think about everyone from Mondstat -- Kaeya, Diluc, Lisa, Jean, Amber...funny to think that some things never changed as you compared their past version to the ones you know now.

“Mora for your thoughts?”

There’s a peace that warms your heart when you hear Childe’s voice, one that forces you to smile at him as he sits down next to you. “Just thinking about old friends.”

“I have to admit, I’ll be a little jealous if it’s another guy taking up more space than me in that pretty brain of yours.”

What a flirt. This man isn’t good for your heart. “Who said you had any to begin with?”

He dramatically places a hand over his heart. “You wound me, (y/n). How will I ever recover?”

“You’re ridiculous,” you snicker. Childe reaches over to pinch your cheek and you bat at him in protest. Easily, he grabs one of your hands and simply pulls you towards the food lines, knowing that you’ll stop fighting back soon.

Part of it feels strange now to feel and see his hands with no leather gloves on.

“Childe,” you start halfway through your meal, continuing after he hums back in reply. “Do you believe in reincarnation?”

He freezes briefly, but recovers so quickly that if you hadn’t been watching so closely, you wouldn’t have noticed. “I think it’s neat, the idea of having past lives. Why do you ask?”

What he really wants to ask is if you’ve been having those dreams, too; if he’s starring in your nights like you have been in his.

“Just a thought, especially since you’re taking Teyvat Myth now, too.”

“Do you...do you think if there was a past life, that we knew each other?”

There’s something about the look of content on your face before you meet his gaze -- he thinks that you know more than you’re letting on but you’re holding back for some reason. He wants to know what’s going through your brain right now, why the fondness in your eyes sends a jolt through him like he’s been searching for it all his life, if you know anything about this magnetic pull between you two.

“I like to think that we knew each other well.”

-

Even though the first day of your returned memories was somewhat eventful, you couldn’t help but feel yourself wanting to pull back from Childe -- at least, until you can successfully compartmentalize which emotions belonged to you past self and which ones belonged to your current mindset. You didn’t quite agree with his duties and his affiliation with the Fatui back then, even if he had his reasons that did make sense, to some degree.

The killing, the threatening, so intent on stealing Rex Lapis’s Gnosis in the name of the Tsaritsa, summoning Osial as a mean to an end -- and you definitely can’t forget how stubborn he was in not listening to your protests, so caught up in his brain that you had betrayed him and sent you plummeting to a near-death experience despite his earlier promise of no intention of killing you specifically.

Everything had been toeing a faint, thin line with Childe then. Undeniable chemistry and tension, guarding yourself for yours and Paimon’s safety, slashing at Fatui agents, whispering out pleas and affirmations of “I’m yours” while riding him, sometimes having to sneak out in the mornings…

The only thing you don’t remember is how everything ends -- maybe it’ll come back to you eventually, but for now, you think you’re okay not knowing.

If Childe still doesn’t remember anything from back then, you think it’d be unfair to spend time with him in all your conflicting emotions, even when it’s spring break, where you have so much more hours in the day to be with each other than normal. Fun plans around Liyue had been made, like a two-day one-night trip to Yaoguang Shoal, and you’re this close to cancelling on him.

But he had been looking forward to it so much, even made most of the preparations for it. Who are you to rob that joy from him when it was you who couldn’t figure out your own shit? Are you self-destructing?

Perhaps.

Before you know it, you’re sitting in the passenger seat of his car, staring out the window at the scenery. Somehow, it pleased you to see that the nature of Liyue had been carefully preserved over the many centuries despite its development into the modern age. You get lost in picking apart the differences between then and now that you don’t notice how quiet you’ve fallen and Childe looks over worriedly when you show no reaction to your favorite songs playing on the stereo.

Even when he calls your name once, twice, nothing gives as you clearly have tuned everything out. So he leaves you be until there’s about half an hour left on the drive, unable to hold back and succumbing to reach over for your hand. You startle so strongly that he almost feels bad for having done it unannounced. But what’s even more disturbing is that this isn’t really the first time.

You’ve been talking to him less, often sitting quietly and staring off into another world that he can’t seem to reach. His texts are answered less frequently and with less wit and enthusiasm, so much so that he just appreciates you still show up to see him. Each time he asks if you’re okay, you always affirm that you are. He’s had a hard time believing you, but Childe believes you’ll tell him when you’re ready, surely.

It’s a little ironic yet fateful that Childe planned to bring you here, of all places. In the past, you had spent many days and nights running around in the sand with him, fighting slimes and hilichurls and collecting starconches for him. You remember laying on a large towel next to him as you both looked up into the sky, pointing out stars and constellations while sharing endless kisses away from prying, spying eyes.

“I’m sorry, I must’ve zoned out,” you sincerely apologize.

“It’s okay, I just wanna make sure you relax while we’re here. This is supposed to be a vacation.”

“You’re right,” you agree and squeeze his hand. “Let’s make the most of it before we become adults who are too busy to have fun like this again.”

And you do. Childe rented a small beach cabin (rich boys) closer to one end of the shoreline, just big enough with two bedrooms, a bathroom, and a small kitchen with a dining table. You help him bring in your bags and some groceries bought the night before, setting them down quickly so you can peer out the window again to take in the view. Childe picked a good time, too. Although it’d be a little chilly at night, the day was still warm and mainly overcast with clouds.

“What do you say we change into our swimsuits and head down to the water?”

“Sure.”

Childe hadn’t really been expecting for you to step out in a large, casual tee and gym shorts, one shoulder exposed. He might have been hoping to see a little more skin, but his mother didn’t raise a chauvinistic pervert for a son.

The light in your eyes as you both approach the water is everything he had been missing the last few days, your excitement and joy contagious. As soon as you place everything down on the sand, you kick off your flip flops and leave him behind to step into the water, giggling at feeling the waves crash over your ankles and bring sand between your toes. Childe approaches you from behind and starts smearing sunblock on the back of your neck, to which you just grin beautifully at him in thanks and he has to fight off the desire to kiss you right then and there.

You’re too caught up in embracing the ocean afterwards to feel the shrinking distance between you two, mistaking his warmth for the general spring air. It isn’t until he’s done with your shoulders that he hands you the bottle to leave you to do the rest of your body, and when you turn to thank him, he’s much closer than you remember. His eyes are gentle, holding your gaze and almost daring you to look away first.

But if there’s one thing you can place without a shred of doubt, it is the unmistakable look of love, because you had seen it many, many times before without knowing until later what it meant.

How so incredibly lucky you were to have Childe back in your life now, loving you all the same, and with no life-threatening barriers. Fate or the Archons have given you a second chance, and you’d be damned to take it for granted.

Childe welcomes your lips against his, wasting no time to bring you into his arms so you’re pressed against him as much as possible. He can’t care for the overt public display of affection because this is everything he’s wanted for months now, waiting patiently for you to give him permission to make you his. Your lips are incredibly soft and pliant against his as you first kiss him patiently, then applying more force and desperation to taste more of him. He mirrors you, one hand cradling the back of your head and the other on your neck with a thumb extended to your jawline, teeth moving to nip at your bottom lip. It’s dangerous, the way you smile against his lips, and when he sinks his teeth in deeper before pulling back, your quiet mewl nearly drives him over the edge.

But you’re in public, and this was an amazing first kiss. You two have a beach to enjoy and a fun night planned, and now that he doesn’t have to hold back on his affections, it’ll be even better.

His lips part from yours regretfully, his eyes languidly opening to meet yours. Out of the corner of his eye, he spots a blue starconch in the sand and freezes.

It’s not that he’s never seen one before, but something clicks. You. The shore. Starconches. Starry nights. His dreams. Monsters. Gods. Fighting. So much fighting. Training. His family. Dragons. You. Falling. You falling. You fighting him. Yelling. Kissing. Loving. Chasing. Him chasing you before you disappear at a teleport waypoint that somehow you only can operate. The abyss. Your twin.

Oh, Archons.

“ -ou okay, Ajax? Ajax?”

He snaps to look at you again. How does he go about this? How does he ask?

“(Y/n)...have you ever heard of the Fatui Harbingers?”

He has to admit that it’s a bit amazing to be able to identify all the emotions that cross your complexion, from curiosity to realization to conflicted. You’re actively trying to piece everything together without revealing too much on the off-chance that you’re wrong, that Childe hasn’t regained his memories and is just asking about something from class randomly and completely out of the blue.

Wait.

“You haven’t reached that material yet in class,” you whisper, heart in your throat at the realization. Could it really be…

“I was once Tartaglia, eleventh Harbinger of the Fatui, who possessed a Delusion and used my Foul Legacy Transformation with you several times,” he murmurs back, tucking a stray tendril behind your ear. “Is it too late to apologize again for summoning an ancient god and letting you fall about five floors with no warning?”

He should’ve been prepared for you wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him in for a tight embrace. “No, never, but I spent weeks after kicking your ass so you’ve been long forgiven.”

Childe burrows his face into your neck, breathing in your scent and basking in this moment. There was so much to talk about, but you two arguably had more time in the world than ever with nothing holding you back. There was no impending war looming over, no one on the run, no opposing forces. His silent wish for a different life with you seems to have been answered finally. If running into you had been the event to set everything in motion, he only wishes he’d done so earlier.

All that matters now is you’re here together in this plane of existence, given a chance to love again, and experience everything you couldn't before.

As written in the stars, take my soul for it is forever yours.

fin

[gay-fae]

Short lokius ficlet :) idek when this is supposed to take place, I just wanted to write something

******************************

He was just… too nice.

Pleasantries weren’t uncommon on Asgard, especially when Loki was a child. But he hadn’t exactly endeared himself to very many people lately—not Earth, not the Avengers, not his family, certainly not the TVA—and yet Mobius joked with him.

Well. Joking at him may have been a better descriptor. Loki wasn’t very keen on returning the gesture.

“You know,” Mobius said, guiding Loki through a hall, “you seem like a funny type of guy.”

Loki raised a brow. Mobius backtracked.

“Not that that’s a bad thing, we get lots of those, but I figured you’d wanna know that folks around here are a little, y’know,” Mobius gave a thumbs down, “gloomy. Might not be enchanted by your antics.”

“Antics?” Loki inquired, defensive.

“I know you know what I mean. The sarcasm. The self-righteousness. Trying to impress everyone.”

“I don’t do that.”

“You do, actually. I know you do, remember?” Mobius led them through a large door that led to yet another corridor. “The TVA knows everything about you, Loki Laufeyson. And you do, without a doubt, ‘do that’. Don’t worry, I think it’s charming.” He stopped at a door and opened it, revealing a storage space of sorts, gray file cabinets lined up compactly against white and orange walls.

Loki scrunched his nose. Charming? A better adjective than he’d expected. It was a characteristic he may have attributed to himself, yes, but-

“Come on, stop walking so slow.”

Loki realized he’d lagged behind in his daze. He sped up, steps echoing loudly, and offered a remark: “I thought you said that I was the one who loved to talk.”

“You are,” Mobius said. “But you don’t really seem in the mood. Besides, I’m a talkative guy myself.” He pulled a drawer open, looking through numerous files as he spoke.

Loki stared dumbly, not exactly sure what to make of this situation. He decided: too nice. Mobius was too nice. Nicer than most Loki had met in a while. The sentiment felt foreign, and yet the God of Mischief himself allowed it to burrow deep down, nesting in his thoughts, a seed planted.

Charming. He thinks I’m charming.

Mobius found whatever it was he’d been looking for, and Loki promptly pushed down the warm tightness in his chest, resolving to think on it later.

******************************

Reblogs appreciated <3

[hoebii]

No Doubt About It

Pairing : OT7 x Reader

Genre : Angst? CEO!Au

Rating : pg15

Warnings : swearing, I have no idea how pawn shops work, Jimin is a jerk

Wc : 1.7k

A/N : Lord help me Idek what this is anymore... Thank you @agustdjoon for being my amazing beta! This fic would be a bigger hot mess if it weren’t for you lol Also this is supposed to be a two-shot so don’t @ me for keeping the ending as it is huhu. Place your bets, how long will I take to finish the second part? As usual, hope you like this hot mess~ Feedback is always welcome!

Next ->

--------------

Jungkook sat on the couch, typing away on his laptop. He didn’t even know what he was typing anymore, fingers moving over the keyboard without a thought. He should’ve been paying attention, but he couldn’t get the earlier events out of his mind.

Giving up on work, Jungkook leaned away from the screen, hands coming up to run through his hair, tugging on it in frustration. Why was something like that getting to him so much? He should be used to people talking shit by now but this time it stuck. Why? He wasn’t sure. Maybe it was because they tried bringing you into it, but then again why was his mind fixated on it for so long?

Closing his eyes, he let his head fall back and rest against the couch. Cracking one eye open when he felt someone begin to play with his hair, only to close it again when he saw it was Hoseok.

“What’s on your mind, Kook-ah?”

Jungkook sighed, rubbing his face, “It’s just… what that asshole said before… I can’t get it out of my head.”

Hoseok glanced at Jin when he heard a scoff, raising a brow in question. Jin slammed his laptop shut and put it aside, face red from anger. “How dare that guy say something like that about our baby? Who the fuck does he think is he calling her a gold digger?”

Continuing to play with Jungkook’s hair, Hoseok was about to reply in hopes of calming Jin down when a quiet murmur caught everyone’s attention.

“What if he was right, though…?” Jimin asked, eyes downcast and lips tugged down into a frown, “Maybe she really is using us for money…”

The whole room fell silent. None of the boys made a sound; in that moment you could hear a pin drop. No one knew what to say, on one hand they loved you with their whole hearts and would never think such a thing, but on the other hand no matter how much they tried not to give into those thoughts, a part of their mind kept asking, what if?

Taehyung got up from his seat, walking over to Jimin and sitting beside him, “Don’t think that way. You know Y/N, you know she isn’t like that. She’s with us because she loves us, not for our money.”

“Do we really? What if it’s all just an act to get to us. This wouldn’t be the first time someone has tried this, you know?” Jimin replied, looking up to meet Taehyung’s eyes.

Scoffing, Taehyung abruptly stood up and started pacing, “Don’t compare them to Y/N. She is not like that and never will be! I’m not going to let you ruin what we have with her just because of a baseless doubt!”

Sensing a fight about to break out, Namjoon sat up straight, clearing his throat to get everyone’s attention, “Both of you, calm down. Y/N is upstairs, she can hear you if you argue right now.”

Taehyung looked away, jaw clenched in anger. Hoseok looked at Namjoon and gave him an appreciative nod, quietly thanking him for stepping in before something bad could have happened.

“We could ask for some money from her and see how she reacts,” Jin suddenly proposed, anger no longer present in his voice.

Hoseok stared at him in shock, did he hear him right? When no one replied, Jin shrugged, “I mean think about it, the maknaes are fighting over this and I know you people have doubts too, why not test her?”

“I agree with hyung,” Yoongi spoke up after staying silent the whole time, face void of any emotions as he did so, “it’s not a bad idea, we get to see if she’s really here for the money or not.”

Seeing how no one protested against the suggestion, Taehyung sputtered, “That’s a terrible idea. Where will she get the money? We’re the ones who made her quit her job, this is absolute bullshit!”

Maybe it was pettiness after the little argument with Taehyung or perhaps it was simply because he wanted to test you, Jimin agreed right after Taehyung’s little rant. The others humming in agreement or vocally letting the rest know that they were in, it was decided between them that they would ask for some money from you as a ‘test’, much to Taehyung’s chagrin.

------------------

You hummed happily as you walked downstairs to check if the boys were back and maybe get some food. You hadn’t eaten anything the whole day, too busy working on the book you were writing. Usually at least one of them would check up on you and if you had eaten if they were at home. You smiled to yourself at the thought, how lucky you felt to have the fortune to call such amazing people yours. You’d always be grateful for everything they did for you, they were the reason you had enough courage to leave your job and follow your dream of being a writer.

Your smile dimmed as you stepped off the stairs, Taehyung was sitting on the couch alone, a frown on his face. Walking to him, you sat down beside him, placing a hand on his lap as you looked at him. You couldn’t help but smile when you felt him grab your hand and squeeze it tight.

“What happened Tae, why the long face?”

Taehyung sighed at your question, refusing to meet your eyes when you tried looking at him, “I..I need your help, Y/N.”

“Help with what, bub? I’ll try to assist you in any way I can.”

He finally looked at you, tongue slipping out to lick his lips, “I need some money…”

Your eyes widened, Kim Taehyung, one of the CEOs of Bangtan Co. was asking for money? This had to be something serious.

“Why?”

“It’s eomma… she’s sick. I can’t withdraw enough money at once from the bank due to previous withdrawals… I don’t know what to do.” Taehyung explained, voice thick with sorrow.

“How can I help, baby?”

He bit his lips, seemingly contemplating his words before saying, “Can you lend me some money? The others are going to chip in too but it’s not going to be enough.”

“How much do you need?” you asked, already trying to formulate a plan in your head.

“Approximately three million won”

You sucked in a breath at that, how were you going to get that much? You shook your head at the thought, “How soon do you need it?”

“As.. as soon as possible.” Taehyung answered, hesitation clear in his voice.

Nodding, you got up from the couch, Taehyung looked at you in question as you did so, “I have to go right now, but don’t worry Tae. I’ll try my best to come up with something.”

He said nothing as he watched you rush out of the house, frowning to himself at your departure.

-----------------------

“So how was it? How did she react?” Jimin asked, as he and the others strided into the room where Taehyung remained seated.

“She left.”

Jungkook’s eyes widened at his words, “What do you mean she left? Where did she go?”

“I don’t know. All she said was she had to go and that she’d come up with something,” Taehyung answered, his frown only getting deeper as he spoke. Maybe Jimin was right after all? No he couldn’t think like that.

“So let me get this straight,” Yoongi started, looking at Taehyung with furrowed brows, “You asked her for money, and she left? After saying that she would ‘come up with something’?”

“Precisely.”

Jimin scoffed and rolled his eyes, “I was right then. She’s with us for the money.”

As much as the others wanted to argue, no one said a word.

-------------------------

The bell chimed, alerting anyone inside of your arrival as you stepped into the little pawn shop. Eyes darting around nervously before they settled on the man tending to the cash register. You gulped, wringing your hands together as you slowly walked towards him.

“How may I help you today, ma’am?” the man asked, giving you a smile.

“I’m here to pawn some jewellery?” You answered, though it felt more like a question when you did so.

“Of course. What are the items you want to pawn?” he inquired, the smile never leaving his face.

You fidgeted in your place for a second, contemplating if this was what you really wanted before deciding that yes, this was what needed to be done. Taehyung asked for your help, and you were not going to turn your back on him. Not after everything he and the others did for you.

Taking off the diamond ring that you had gotten from your mother, you placed it in front of him. Then your hands raised to unclasp the necklace that hung around your neck before placing it down too. You smiled wistfully at the items; the necklace was a gift from the boys for your first anniversary while the ring was your late-mother’s. It was the last thing you had to remember her by but now you had to part ways with it, even if it was only for a while.

“Is that all?”

“Yes,” you started, looking him in the eyes, “how much are they worth?”

------------------

It was near midnight and you still weren’t home. Jin paced around in front of the entrance, while the others sat or stood around, all of them worried.

“Where is she?” Hoseok exclaimed, anxiously running a hand through his hair.

“Ran away when she realised she wouldn't get any money, I bet,” Jimin chimed in, rolling his eyes in annoyance as he leaned back into his seat.

Taehyung growled, speed walking towards the man and grabbing him by the collar, “I am tired of you. No one fucking asked you to stay up and wait for her.”

“Taehyung!” Namjoon shouted, rushing towards the duo alongside Jungkook to break them apart, “Now is not the time to fight.”

“Then tell him to either leave or to keep his mouth shut,” Taehyung hissed, glaring daggers at Jimin who just rolled his eyes again and remained silent.

Hoseok sat on the couch and watched the scene unfold in front of him in worry, “Where are you Y/N-ie?”

[smutsonian]

the mobster’s little girl

pairing: mob!steve rogers x reader

summary: what happens when the big bad mobster gets blackmailed by your father to marry you? (kind of fluffy kind of not. kinda dark kinda not.)

warnings: smut, violence, death, obsessive behavior kind of, poorly written smut (for real i skipped some), innocent reader (kind of?), lil bit of angst, drowning, accidents in the kitchen, reader getting burned, not proofread, a lot of mistakes for sure (It’s a long fic and im too lazy to find the mistakes), loss of virginity skskks, oral deed (f & m), fingering skksks, kind of a handie, please let me know if i skipped some, please read at your own risk, rumlow is a warning periodt, this has crack vibes i swear idk what i was typing at some point, ddlg? (is this ddlg? jesus fuck idek anymore), dub-con but like not really?, the POV gets fucked up towards the end so goodluck with understanding this piece of sheeet

word count: 11k (what da actual fuck? this is loooong)

a/n: df am i being awkward while writing them warnings for? Holy shit that’s a long list of warnings

big thanks to @buckys-forgotten-plum​ for helping me edit <3 luv u mwah

this is a combined request of a mob!steve x innocent!reader + steve teaching reader to suck his ding-a-ding-dong

this has a sucky ending. i hate the fucking ending. 

also, i don’t got no clue on how to do spacing on tumblr so im terribly sorry for that.

masterlist

Maybe it’s because they were terrified. Maybe it’s because they know what’s out there and what evil lurks in every corner of the city. Whatever the reason is, her parents hid her from the outside world. Never was she able to step another foot out of the gates of her home. No matter how huge the mansion her parents keep her in, it still feels small and lonely. Instead of the friends that she should’ve made in kindergarten, she became friends with her parents’ employees. Instead of the high school friends that she was supposed to have, she has the few cleaners in the house. She didn’t feel like they work for her because they’ve become her friends that keep her sane for being in one place for her whole life. Being able to go somewhere that’s not the garden, the gazebo, or even the lake that became her favorite place has always been in her mind but never her heart never really demanded to go out. She gets curious at times but it’s not enough to make her go against her parents’ number one rule.

 “Never let yourself be known and never talk to anyone outside this house. If possible, keep yourself away from the entrance gates.”

Being the obedient daughter you are, you followed that rule without question. You became the daughter that your parents wanted you to be. You learned everything from your tutor. The basics of economics but mostly proper etiquette. You didn’t know why you had to learn those but you did what your parents wanted you to do without question. You always do…

 That’s why when your parents told you that you were to marry, you agreed with a little bit of hesitance. “It’s for the best, princess.” Is the only thing that your father said while your mom looked at you with a small smile. You thought that it was going to be like the ones in the movies. You imagined a magical wedding but you didn’t even have one. You were told to sign some papers and just like that, you’re married to some man you don’t even know. A man that you didn’t see until a few days after the signing of papers.

  Steve never felt so disrespected in his entire life. He’s so used to being the powerful man of the city, the country even, that never did he expect some feeble man to come barreling into his business. The Y/L/Ns… He knew of them but he knew little about them. The family is so secretive but are known to be powerful. Nobody knows how they do it but now he has been graced to learn how.

Blackmail… Along with bribery. How fucking pathetic.

He didn’t know how the man managed to acquire his plans for a rival gang but somehow, the fucker did. The rival gang that he was trying to take down for so long and managed to make a plan of action until this fucker messed everything up. The bastard wanted to marry his daughter off to him for a powerful alliance. Saying something about how both of their names would benefit from the marriage. The bastard also promised a fat amount of money that he’ll receive once he marries his daughter. The bastard knew that money has always been a problem for him by the smug look on his face. 

“It’s simple. You provide us security, we give you money. We seal the deal once you sign the papers to be my daughter’s husband.” The old fucker says with such pride in his voice. Steve gritted his teeth before making a move to toss the man out but the fucker clicks his tongue at him. “Ahh, we also wouldn’t want Rumlow to know about your plans on attacking his turf a fortnight from now, do we?” The old fuck stares at him as he waits for his answer.

 Having no other choice, Steve says yes with flared nostrils. He glares at the way the man smiles giddily while walking towards the door. Before the old man could leave, he turned back towards Steve with a serious look before pointing a finger at him. “One more thing… My daughter will be your wife but you are not to touch her. You live at the mansion with her but you ain’t allowed to touch her. Do get out of her way as much as you can. You get all the money you want by following my orders. That easy. Nice dealing with you.” The man was out the door in an instant as Steve glared at the closed door before picking up a wine glass from his desk and throwing it against the door.

   “It’s a bit weird, mother.” Is your reply when your mother came to visit you in your room and asked you about how you’re feeling given your situation. She continues to brush your hair with her fingers as she hums in response.

 “It’s not like the ones in movies, that’s for sure.” You joke, earning a chuckle from your mother.

“My situation… It’s not really normal, correct?” You pull away from your mother’s hands and turn to look at her. She lets out a sigh before turning you back around and resuming to play with your hair. “No…” She says. “We might have been a bit strict with you but we only did it for your safety. The world out there… It’s not safe.” She continues. Once again, you pull away from your mother to fully give your attention to her. “But you and father are always out there. You put yourselves in danger on the daily so why can’t I?” You look at your mother who was looking at you with an unamused expression. You let out a sigh before sighing. “I know... I know. It sounds a bit silly to ask myself to be put in danger… But what about marrying me off to some stranger! You told me that father is bringing him here after he signed the papers. He’s to live here with all of us. Mother, we don’t even know him. Why would you let a stranger into our home?” You reason out, making exaggerated hand gestures to back yourself up. When your mother makes no effort to respond to you, you retort with a scoff and an eye roll. 

“You’re so hell-bent on keeping me inside this place, claiming that it’s to protect me that you failed to realize that you’re putting all of us in danger by letting an unknown man live with us. Seems kind of idiotic to me.” 

 *SLAP*

 You look at your mother with wide eyes as you hold your left cheek as it is stinging in pain. “I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. That was disrespectful of me. I’m sorry.” You scrambled to get away from your mother, ignoring her calls as you left your room to run down the long hallway and down the flight of circular stairs. You went out of the mansion and started running down a pathway towards the lake. You were so upset and focused on getting to your destination that you didn’t see a strange man coming out of a black SUV just as you walked out of the mansion.

 You ran down the wooden dock, frowning at what you had said to your mother. You couldn’t believe how you acted just now. First, you disrespect your mother. Now, you hide yourself away like a child that got reproved for the first time. You clicked your tongue in annoyance, an action that you got from your father, as you paced around the wooden dock. “Of course, they were just trying to protect you, you stupid idiot.” You hit your forehead with your palms over and over before tilting your head backward to stare at the sky, not caring at how your eyes hurt at the blinding sun. 

 You closed your eyes after a few seconds, sighing out as you figured that you should probably go back. Your so-called husband was supposed to arrive today. You start to walk back when your foot slipped and suddenly, water enveloped your body. 

 You fell into the lake.

 You would think that being locked up in a big mansion would give you a lot of time to learn how to swim but with your luck, no one ever thought you how so now you couldn’t do anything but drown.

 Your arms flopped around you as you kicked your legs all over the place just to get some air down your lungs but you only found yourself sinking further down. You couldn’t even scream for help because you know that if you did, you would only be swallowing a whole lot of water. 

 Before you could lose your breath entirely, something grasped your flailing hand. You would’ve screamed if you weren’t pulled out of the water. Turned out, it was a hand. Not some kind of creature from the fantasy movies you’ve watched.

 You were sitting on the wooden dock, gasping for air when the sound of an annoyed huff caught your attention. You tilt your head up to see a man looking down at you with an annoyed expression. Your brain started clicking and then it hit you. He must be your husband.

 “You’re here early.” You whisper, looking down. You weren’t sure how to act around him. Around your husband. You would base it on the movies you’ve watched but so far, those movies were nothing like your life. You were sure that if you tried to act like one of the characters there, you would look like a complete buffoon. 

 “So glad to know that I’m married to a dumbass.” He cuts your thoughts off with a sneer. 

 “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to fall and drown like that.” You remember the lessons you had. About not engaging in someone else’s hostility. You looked down in embarrassment. You’ve never been called something vile like that so you must’ve made him really upset. He scoffs before shaking his head and leaving you on the wooden floor as he walks away.

After that encounter with your so-called husband, you never really saw him again, even though the two of you were living in the same house. It was a few weeks after the drowning incident and you made sure to not tell anyone about it and you only hoped that Steve (you had to learn his name from your mother) didn’t tell anyone about it either. You and your mother are in good terms again and she’s currently in your room again, telling you how she and your father are to spend a few months in Prague to deal with a few business hiccups. You didn’t bother to ask if you could come with but you did bother to complain about them leaving. “You’re leaving me alone with a stranger under the same roof as me?” You exaggeratedly widened your eyes at your mother. “Oh, stop it. I’ve gotten to know Steve myself. I’m sure you’ll be safe with him. He seems like a nice guy. Although, I think your father gets a little bit on his nerves.” Your mother giggles to herself and you look at her with an amused grin. “You’re closer to my husband than I am with him.” You joked which earned a sympathetic look from your mother.

 “Talk to him. He’s your husband after all.” She caresses your face. You hold her wrist as you push your cheeks towards her hold. “I’m pretty sure he hates me, mother. I have a feeling that he’s scrupulously avoiding me.” 

 “How about you bake him something, hmm? You’re wonderful at baking!” Your mother grins at your excited reaction to the mention of baking.

 “I do love to bake…” You hummed in thought before giving your mother a faux pointed look. “Alright, I will bake but only because I love to bake. So if he doesn’t want to socialize with me, then so be it. I wouldn’t care.” You huff proudly as your mother looked at you with a grin and a hint of playfulness in her eyes.

 “What is it?” You ask her.

 “Why do I get the feeling that you want to impress Steve?” She chuckles at your stunned expression.

 “You have completely lost your mind, mother. Haven’t you got a plane to catch? Go on. Say hello to Prague for me!” You push her out of your room, her laughing at your antics before placing a kiss on your forehead and leaving you to yourself.

  “Ooof!” You hissed as your finger touched the hot tray when you were pulling it out of the oven. You were making the third batch of cookies and somehow, you managed to burn your finger now. You quickly pulled the mittens off before putting the hot finger into your lips, as if sucking the pain away is possible. 

 You heard footsteps coming over and when you turned your head, you saw Steve looking at you with something you couldn’t comprehend. “H-hey.” You pulled your finger out of your mouth before hiding it behind your back like a kid. You tiptoed over the counter to reach the plate of cookies before walking over to him. “I made cookies. Would you… like to try some?” You moved the plate closer to his face but he only scowled at you before taking your right wrist and surveying your hand. He found the finger you were sucking on earlier and muttered something under his breath. You thought you heard him say ‘dumbass’ again like the last time.

 “Put cream on it.” He grumbled before leaving the kitchen. You glared at his back until he turned back around, making you wipe the glare out of your face before smiling bitterly at him. He walked towards you with a dark look until he was inches away from you. The position you two are currently in made you realize how tall he is. How he’s towering over you and how his biceps are poking out of his shirt. His crystal blue eyes are staring deep into your soul and you were almost hypnotized by it. You gulped in nervousness. You remember all the things you told your mother about this certain stranger that could possibly be a danger to you until he smirked and took the plate of cookies from the table before walking out once more, leaving you gaping at the door in confusion as your heart was beating faster than normal. From fear or something else, you do not know.

 ----

 Steve was deep in thought as he chewed on the cookies she made. It was really delicious and he hated that he liked it. He did his best to avoid the girl. He’s trying his best to avoid the girl. He did his best to hate the girl so things would be easier for him. He’s trying his best to hate the girl. He didn’t have time to babysit her. Her father is not someone he wanted to have ties with but he is. Steve didn’t want anything that has to do with that man and that includes her.

 But why is it so hard for him to keep her out of his mind?

 The first time he saw her, she had that cute little frown on her face but he found his heart skipping a beat at the sadness in her eyes. He knew he would regret following her but then he didn’t. He saw her as she fell down the dock and he didn’t know why he felt like his world stopped when he saw her gasping for air but it did. It took him his best efforts not to just dive into the lake to save her. Instead, he took her flailing hands and easily pulled her out of the waters. He wanted to keep her warm when he saw her shivering on the wooden floor but he suddenly remembered the deal. His worry was quickly converted into anger and annoyance so he managed to leave her alone, something heavy in his chest as he walked away from her.

 He hated the way she made him feel so he avoided her like a plague. Their home was big and avoiding her was really easy. It was stopping himself from going near her is the hard part. Her mother is the total opposite of her father. Her mother is a nice woman and living with the Y/L/Ns didn’t feel like a job other than her horrid father. Steve got to learn more about her through her mother. She talked about her so dearly. Steve felt his heart fall at the mention of her not leaving the mansion. It sounded like she was an animal caged in better surroundings. Steve realized why she acted so differently when he’s watching her. She seemed so… innocent. 

 Then he caught her baking cookies. It took him his best not to run towards her when he heard her hiss in pain. He watched as she tried to hide her injury from him. He didn’t know if he found it cute or annoying because she shouldn’t hide injuries from him. From anyone. If she was injured, she should get it to check as soon as possible. Then she offered him cookies. Steve swore that his heart leaped in adoration but he took the offered plate in front of him as a chance to check on her hand. He observed her fingers, internally flinching as he saw the burnt area on her index finger. “Such a clumsy little girl…” He muttered under his breath. Steve caught himself though. Why was he so worried about her? He quickly composed himself and dropped her hand. Before turning to leave. He heard her huff and he couldn’t help but to chuckle at that. He turned around to see her frowning at him only to have her eyes widened in surprise. She gave him a stubborn smile as he walked over to her, teasing her and testing her to see where her cuteness could go. Where her STUBBORNNESS could go. Did he really just say cute? 

 When he thought she had had enough, he smirked and took the plate of cookies before leaving.

 The plate of cookies that he’s currently munching on. 

 The more Steve thinks about it, the more he’s realizing that he couldn’t keep her out of his mind. It was impossible.

 The more he sees her, the more he wants to be with her. The more he sees her, the more he wants to protect her because it seems like she has a way of putting herself in danger.

 So innocent.

 So pure.

 He wanted her and he didn’t know if he could control himself anymore.

  A week has passed and things with your husband seemed to have gotten better, if one is optimistically speaking. 

 He no longer avoided you so that’s better than before. He doesn’t acknowledge you much though. He only speaks to you to correct your every move. Called you out when you were walking barefoot around the mansion, mocked you when you walked around the docks, and even demanded you to leave the kitchens alone because according to him, you don’t know how to properly use it.

 He only ever opened his mouth to speak his mind of his distaste towards you and you were starting to miss the times when he completely avoided you.

 But you ignored the insults and kept your head high up. You aren’t going to sulk. Especially not when someone’s clearly made it his goal to make you feel just that.

 That’s why you’re currently making pasta. Ignoring his demand and continuing on having adventures in the kitchen. You just finished making the sauce so now you just have to cook the pasta. You took a pot that was way bigger than your head and proceeded to fill it with water from the sink.

 You struggled to carry it over to the stove, letting out a relieved sigh once you managed to set it down. The problem though, the bottom of the pot somehow got stuck on the burner plate. You clicked your tongue in annoyance before grunting and attempting to pull on the heavy pot. It remained stuck so you exerted more effort, succeeding but managing to tilt the pot towards yourself. You let out a yelp as the cold water inside the pot spills all over you. 

 “Y/N!”

 You felt his hands before you heard his voice.

 ——

 Steve heard clanking noises from the kitchen and he just had to roll his eyes at the thought of her prancing around the kitchen. Didn’t he tell her to leave the kitchen alone? He’s just trying to stray her from the harm she could put herself in. Not that he would ever admit that out loud.

 He walked into the kitchen, just in time to see water spill over her from the boiling pot. His blood went cold as he felt his heart stopping. “Y/N!” He rushed over her knelt body, covered in water. He cautiously touched her face, being careful not to hurt her possibly burnt skin. Why can’t she just listen to him? He told her not to work in the kitchen for a reason. 

 As he touched her seemingly cold cheeks, he watched as she looked up at him with an innocent confused look. “Steve?” Her voice was so meek yet it made his ear start to ring as his heart started to beat back to life. She must’ve seen his frantic expression because her eyes widened in realization before she’s shaking her head and pointing at the fallen pot. “I haven’t boiled the water yet! See? I’m fine. I didn’t burn myself.” She had the audacity to smile cheekily at him and he didn’t know if he should be leaping in joy with her or reprimanding her for being so careless.

 Steve clicked his tongue at her, something that he must’ve picked up from her, before leaving the kitchen with a huff. Something that he’s been doing a lot whenever he’s with her.

 ——

 After he left, you took a seat on one of the chairs, recalling what just happened a few moments ago. He thought you were stupid enough to pour boiling water all over yourself. Does he really think you’re that stupid? He looked so worried though. You smiled at the thought of him possibly caring about you. 

 You let out a short squeak when you felt something falling at the top of your head. A towel. Steve wrapped it around you until your head was the only part exposed. “Whatcha grinning on about, little girl?” His voice was stern but there was a teasing tone in it. You looked up at him as he watched you. You shook your head before furrowing your eyebrows when he bought the pot towards the sink, filling it with water.

 “What are you doing?” Your voice is small as you asked him.

 “Can’t trust you with this. You might boil yourself the next time you even try.” He clicked his tongue before effortlessly bringing the pot to the stove and lighting it up. After that he walked back towards you and sat at the chair beside you, turning himself to stare back at you.

 “I thought I made it clear when I told you not to work in the kitchens?” He mockingly tilted his head before raising one eyebrow at you. You stared back at him, not knowing what to say so you just tilted your head down like a chided kid. 

 “Uh uh uh…” You felt his long fingers under your chin as he tilted your head back to face him. “What’s the matter? Did you manage to burn your tongue as well? Hmm?” You didn’t know why but the way he was talking to you is making you feel something unfamiliar in your stomach.

 When you didn’t answer, he put the hand that was on your chin to the side of your mouth, his thumb brushing over your bottom lip. Your eyes fluttered when he managed to poke his thumb into your mouth and pressed it down your tongue gently.

 “Seems pretty alright for me…” He mumbles. You watched as his eyes widened in surprise when you sucked on his thumb absentmindedly. You realized what you were doing and stopped immediately. “No. No, don’t stop. Do it again.” He watched you with bright eyes as you hesitantly sucked on his thumb once more, feeling your body warming up at the current situation. 

 He slowly pulls his thumb out before rubbing it around your lips and leaning his face closer to yours. You could feel your heart panicking in fright or in excitement, you weren’t sure. You saw him close his eyes before he let out a sigh. He pulls away from you then ruffles the towel on your head. “Why don’t you go ahead and put dry clothes on? I think the pasta’s ready.” He grins before walking back toward the stove to start preparing the meal.

 You stumbled to your feet, mindlessly walking towards your room with a clouded mind.

 What was that all about?

  All Steve could ever think about was her. Her beautiful lips. Her eyes that glisten with innocence. Her nose twitches whenever she’s focused on something. The way she fits in his hold. The way she reacts under his touch. 

 He couldn’t forget about the way she sucked on his thumb unknowingly and the way her eyes became hooded from his touch. It’s obvious that she had no idea what was happening and what she was feeling and that only fueled his hunger more.

 The thought of her being hurt made him furious. It made him protective. He wants to protect her at all costs because not even the ends of her hair should get hurt. No. Not on his watch.

 Steve couldn’t take her out of her mind even if he wanted to. That’s the problem. He doesn’t want her out of his mind anymore. He doesn’t want to avoid her anymore.

 Steve accepted it. 

 He knows that he wants her and he knows that she’ll be able to have him wrapped around her precious little finger if she wants to. 

 He realized how she has a tight hold over him without even knowing it and he’s accepted that fact. 

 He’s ready to do everything for the girl and she doesn’t even know it. He’s ready to give her everything he has and everything he is. 

 He’s ready to give himself completely to her. Of course, it is if she’ll have him.

  After that encounter with Steve, you finally followed his instruction and stopped trying to make various meals in the kitchen. 

 You were craving cake so you asked one of the cooks to bake you a cake. That’s why there’s a whole cute pink cake in front of you at the kitchen counter. 

 You’re currently staring at it, thinking it’s too precious to destroy and eat but after a minute of your mouth watering, you give up and run your index finger on the sides until it is covered in icing.

 You licked your finger before sucking on it and humming at the sweet taste of the icing while your eyes are closed. When there is none left on your finger, you take your index and middle finger before sliding it on the sides of the cake to gather twice as much as the previous one.

 Your eyes are closed and lips parted slightly apart, ready to suck on your fingers one more time when a hand grips your wrist. Your eyes fly open to see Steve holding your hand while he’s looking down at your face with a boyish grin. Your eyes widened for the second time when his tongue darted out of his mouth and started licking the icing off your fingers.

 He was staring at you as he continued to lick the icing and you were starting to pull away when his lips parted wider to start sucking on your fingers. You’re frozen in shock as your eyes twitched at the sight of him sucking on your fingers. 

 You feel your heart drop when he starts groaning against your fingers. The unfamiliar feeling in your stomach made itself known again and you bit your bottom lip anxiously at the strange feelings you always get whenever Steve’s with you. 

 Your eyes follow Steve’s lips as he pulls your fingers out of his mouth with a silent pop. He looks at you with a smile before furrowing his brows. “Did you bake this?”

 “N-no! I had someone to bake it for me.” You’re quick to let him know that you didn’t make the cake. He smiled again and you just realize how giddy you feel when you’re able to make him smile like that. 

 “Really? So you finally listened to me?” He chuckles when he sees you nod shyly at him. “Aren’t you a good little girl.” He cooes before looking at the cake with a smirk. “This cake is really delicious…” He leans back to stand straight and you nodded at him in agreement. “I wonder…” 

 You let out a loud squeal when he suddenly puts his hands under your arms before pulling you up and sitting you down on the counter. You look at him with a stunned expression. “Wha—“ 

 “But I bet you taste better than this cake.” You couldn’t respond because he immediately connects his lips with yours, making your eyes pop out in shock as he continues to attack your mouth. You let out a small whimper when you feel his tongue pushing past your lips and roaming around the inside of your mouth, tickling the roof of your mouth.

 You start chuckling against his lips and he stops, looking at you in confusion. “You’re tickling me…” You point at the top of your mouth and Steve’s frown turned into a grin. His hand found their ways on the top of your knees and then he’s pushing them apart. “I know a place where I can tickle you... I’m sure you’ll like it.” He pulls you closer to him so you slide against the counter. He carefully pushes your shoulders until your back is laying on the cold kitchen counter. You feel him hiking your skirt up and pulling your underwear down before he sets your feet back on the counter, knees bent, and far apart. 

 You could feel him breathing against your skin and you could feel your body running hot while the hairs on your body stand in attention. You feel something wet run against your skin and you yelp as you sit on your elbows, looking at Steve alarmingly. His face was just in front of your core and tongue is just retreating your skin. 

 “Wh-what are you doing, Steve?” You bite your lip as you watch him stand up until he’s face to face with you. “I’m trying to make you feel good, baby. Do you trust me?” He presses his lips against yours and pulls away, waiting for your answer.

 “I don’t know…” You admit, stomach dropping at the sadness that flashes over his face.

 “Then let me show you that you can trust me. Can you let me do that?” He looks at you and smiles when you nod at him. He presses his lips on you once more, pushing you against the kiss until your back is back on the counter. He pulls away, pecking you one last time before going back to press kisses in between your legs.

 He licks up your skin, hands pressing down on your hips when you begin squirming around. You feel his mouth sucking on the bud before flicking his tongue over it. He doesn’t stop until you’re whining under him, unsure if you want him to stop or to do something else.

 “What do you want, little girl?” He breathes against your core, making your legs shiver at the sensation. 

 “I don’t know…” You whine, eyes staring at him as he stands over your body. He raises his right hand, fingers fluttering in display as he gives you a questioning look. “You want me to use this on you?” You could only nod in desperation because the feeling of emptiness when he pulled away from you is becoming too much.

 “Good girl.” You hear him whisper before going back in between your legs. You feel his fingers playing with your bud instead of his tongue and it feels overwhelming when he uses his tongue to press it against your entrance. 

 “Mmmhm” You close your eyes in delight as he continues to play with you. The familiar feeling in your abdomen makes itself known once again and this time, it’s stronger. You need more.

 “P-please…” You mutter under your breath, pulling on Steve’s hair to catch his attention. He looks at you with a proud smile before asking. “What is it? You need more? Want me to put my finger inside you, is that it?” 

 ——

 Steve smiles when she nods her head eagerly. So innocent, can’t even tell him what she wants. What she needs.

 He rubs on her clit a few more times to wet his fingers before lining a finger against her slit. He looks back at her as he starts pushing the finger in, slowing down when her hand grips her arm. 

 Steve groans at the tightness of her walls against his finger and starts to slowly pump it as he watches her face contort into a pleasured frown. When he feels her loosening up, he adds another finger that earns a low moan from her. Steve stiffens for a second when he feels his pants getting tighter in the crotch area. His cock is begging him for attention but he pays no mind, focusing on the angel in front of him.

 He spreads his fingers apart inside of her as he leans down to start flicking his tongue against her clit, smirking against it when her thighs shiver against his head. He feels her breaths starting to become uneven and he knows that she’s just about to cum so he doubles his effort, sucking her clit harshly and curling his fingers inside of her.

 Her back arches off the counter and Steve hooks an arm under her to pull her up and press her against his chest. She shakes against his hold as he helps her get through her high. She slumps against his hold, head falling down the side of his neck. 

 Steve tilts his head to look at her face, eyes hooded and forehead sweating. She looks so adorable like this. “That cake gave us such a rush, huh?” He chuckles before hooking her legs around his torso and hugging her body close to his. He feels her dozing off as he carries her to her bedroom. 

 He lays you down on the bed and tucks you under your blanket before studying your face. So peaceful. So relaxed. A smile forms on your face and Steve finds himself smiling as well.

 “Goodnight, my sweet little girl.” He presses a kiss on your forehead before walking out of your room. 

  It’s currently four in the afternoon and Steve is currently sitting on a couch in the massive living room, thinking about the night he has planned for him and his little girl. 

 After that time in the kitchen, things have been great with them. It’s been a few months and he became someone he didn’t know he could be and it was all for her. He wants nothing but the best for his girl. He gives her the ‘special treatment’ or ‘reward’ whenever she asks for it. She’ll do something nice for him to receive his special kisses but Steve knew that he’ll give her anything without her working for it. He just likes the attention he gets from her when she gets a little needy.

 Steve feels his crotch stirring under his pants at the thought of eating his little girl out. He always eats her out and makes her putty with his fingers but his cock remains abandoned. 

 He didn’t think she was ready. He didn’t want to scare his girl. He’ll wait as long as he needs until his little girl’s ready for him. For the time being, he’ll make sure to keep his little girl happy and satisfied.

 Steve’s thoughts were cut off when his little girl walked in front of him with a weird look on her face, a phone held against her right ear. He sits up in attention, his body becoming alert at the way her face scrunches up in fear as she looks at him.

 “What’s wrong, little girl?” His voice is a whisper but his tone is hard. 

 She looks at him with a frown before handing him the phone. He looks at it and listens to her as she speaks.

 “Father called… Which is weird because he never calls when they’re on a trip. Let alone a business trip. He told me that the trip would be a few months and I didn’t think they would be in some kind of situation after being gone for almost seven months… They’re usually gone longer than that. But then that guy—” She points at the phone in Steve’s hand before continuing her explanation.

 “—That guy took the phone away from my father when he’s explaining something to me about telling something to you, Steve. His name is Rumlow and he’s got a very foul mouth—” He watches as her nose scrunches up, probably at the memory of the man’s words on the phone but Steve didn’t care about that. He’s worried about Rumlow talking to you. Through your father’s phone at that!

 Steve presses the phone against his ear before asking who’s on the other line.

 “Ahh, Rogers… Where’s the little brat? I thought she’s enjoying the things I’m promising her. Told her about how my cock will make her cunt cry—” Steve feels his blood boiling at the way Rumlow is talking about his little girl.

 “What are you on about, Rumlow? What are you doing with that phone?” Steve cuts Rumlow off, voice so harsh that he sees her flinching at his tone. He smiles at her before ushering her back to her room.

 “You see�� Your girl is supposed to be mine. I saw her first but imagine the surprise I got when I ask her dear daddy for her hand and he tells me that she’s married to a Steve fucking Rogers.” Steve hears Rumlow’s bitter laugh before hearing her little girl’s father groan in pain, no doubt that he took a blow from Rumlow.

 “I just want a simple deal here, Rogers. I’ll text the address and I expect to have the girl and a bag filled with… I don’t know, ten million dollars? If you’re too broke then just bring the girl. I’m sure she’ll make the lack of ten million with her pretty little cunt.” Rumlows cackle was heard along with the cries of your parents. He must’ve held them as hostages. 

 “Do that and her parents stay safe. Be here at 9 pm sharp or it’s bye-bye for her lovely parents. Tik-Tok, Rogers. Tik-Tok…” Steve almost crushes the phone into pieces in his hand when Rumlow hangs up on him. Rumlow holds your parents as hostages and dares to speak about you like that. He’ll fucking kill him.

 The phone buzzes and he sees the address Rumlow sent him. They were no longer in Prague. They’re back here...

 Steve makes a move to call his best man, Bucky, when he hears sounds coming from her room. He quickly runs over, throwing her door open to see her shoving a bunch dollar bills into a huge bag while a phone is pressed against her neck and her shoulder. 

 Steve’s heart falls at the sight of tears falling down her face. She must’ve heard everything with the connecting phone lines. He sighs before walking over to his girl and steadying her by holding her shoulders in a firm grip. “Everything will be alright. I’ll call someone to fix the problem. They’ll clear the building, catch the bad guy, and then your parents will be home in no time!” Steve gives her a smile but it doesn’t work. Her face is still wet with tears as she shakes her head in disagreement.

 “No! The b-bad guy will harm my parents if he sees your men without me! I don’t w-want anything bad happening to my family, Steve. I-I don’t want that!” He pulls her against his chest as he sobs and shakes against his hold. Steve runs a comforting hand on her back before sighing in defeat. 

 “Fine. We’ll save your parents but I have to call my friends for backup. And you have to stay as far away from the fighting. I’ll have my best guy, James, be with you the whole time. You can trust him, he’s my best friend. You need to stick with him because he’ll keep you safe, got it?” He gives her a firm yet gentle look, jaw clenching when she nodded eagerly at him before continuing to fill the bag with cash. 

 He makes his calls and in no time, they’re driving towards the address Rumlow sent him.

  Steve parks the car a few miles away from the building where her parents are being held as hostages. He looks at his little girl who’s currently wearing sweatpants and his hoodie which looks pretty big on her. He smiles at the sight before letting out a shaky breath. 

 “You gotta stay here, okay? I promise that I’ll get your parents out safely. You don’t have to worry about them because I’ll protect them for you, okay? You trust me, little girl?” He watches her as she reluctantly nods her head. He sighs at that before handing her a pistol gun. “You know how to use one?” He asks, surprised to see his little girl nod. She must’ve seen his surprised look because she looks down before explaining, “I had basic shooting lessons.”  He smiles at his little girl before nodding. 

 He gets out of the car before walking around and opening the door for his girl and helping her out. He sees James walking over to them and he nods at his friend in acknowledgment before looking back at his girl. “This is Bucky. He’ll keep you safe. Stick with him, alright?” He watches her girl as she observes his friend with her adorable curious eyes.  

 “The others are already surrounding the building. Backup is also ready. Just say something and they’ll attack. Good luck out there.” He smiles at Bucky’s words before kissing his girl’s forehead.

 “Please stay safe, Steve.” His girl mutters and he feels his heart skip a beat at that moment. “I will. Anything for you, little girl.” He turns to leave, hearing his girl one last time before disappearing. 

 “That’s a nice-looking vest, Mr. Bucky.”

  Everything was going well for Steve. Rumlow’s men are really weak and easy to take down and when Rumlow realized that, he ran. He ran away like the coward he is. He ran out of the building and that was that. At least, that’s what Steve thought. 

 He was able to see her parents and he quickly untied them, her mother thanking him endlessly while her father only grumbled his thanks once. 

 He was guiding the couple out of the building, surprised to see his little girl standing a few miles away from them with Bucky. He sees her eyes brighten in relief that made all his worries disappear. 

 He was walking with her parents when he heard the cocking of a gun beside his head. 

 “Not so fast.” A raspy voice speaks beside him.

 Rumlow…

 Before Steve could even move, a bang was heard. Followed by another bang that has his ears ringing in pain. He closes his eyes to ease the aching in his head or his body. Was he shot? 

 His eyes fly open when he remembers that his girl is also out in the open and his eyes quickly darts over towards her.

 To his surprise, his girl is holding the gun he gave her earlier in his direction. 

 Steve quickly scans the couple near him for injuries when he hears someone groaning below him. He finds Rumlow laying on his back, legs bleeding while his arms are spread out. 

 He looks back at his girl, a sense of pride filling his system. His girl just did that. 

 He watches as his girl runs towards him with her arms wide open, ready to envelop him in a hug. 

 Steve grins before he hears Rumlow muttering and everything seems to be moving in slow motion. 

 “If I can’t have her… Then nobody can!” Rumlow spits before a loud bang go out.

 Steve’s eyes grow wide when he sees the bullet piercing through his hoodie and into his girl’s chest. 

 His heart stops when he sees her falling down into Bucky’s arms and onto the cold ground. 

 Her mother’s cries filled Steve’s ringing ears as well as her father’s curses as he tried to console his wife.

 Steve quickly kicks the gun from Rumlow’s hand before kicking the bastard’s face repeatedly until he’s unconscious. He releases all his anger on the bastard who shot his little girl by bending down and throwing punches down the unconscious man. He keeps punching until he sees Bucky carrying his girl towards them. 

 He pulls back from a bleeding Rumlow before running towards Bucky and taking his girl from his best friend. He brushes some stray hair away from her forehead before observing her face. 

 “Call the fucking ambulance!” He barks at nobody but Bucky follows his order, quickly fumbling with his phone and calling their mob doctor. 

 Steve was about to rip his hoodie off his girl when her eyes suddenly flew open, gasping for air. 

 Steve’s heart stops for a second, he doesn’t know if it’s from shock or relief but he’s grateful to see his little girl alive and breathing. He feels her wrap her arms around his neck, burying her face on the side of his neck as she catches her breath. He wraps his arm around her shaking body, gripping her tight and pulling her body against his like he’s afraid that she’ll slip away from his grasp.

 “Mother. Father. I’m so glad you’re okay!” He hears his girl talking to her parents who are currently behind him. He should let her go to reunite with her parents but he doesn’t. He keeps her against his body. 

 “Are you okay, dear?” Her mother asks and he feels his girl nodding against his neck. His girl finally pulls away from him before tugging on the hoodie she’s wearing and pulling it up to reveal a bulletproof vest. 

 Bucky’s laughter fills the air and everyone turns to look at him. “You little genius!” He exclaims before pointing at his little girl. “She kept bothering me about my vest and didn’t stop until I gave her one! Ah... You got yourself a keeper and a smartass, Steve!” He continues to laugh, her parents soon follow Bucky until everyone is laughing as well. 

 Everyone’s laughter is cut off by Rumlow waking up before gasping for air just like you were a few moments ago. 

 He pulls his girl against his chest, blocking her view from Bucky who gets his gun out before pointing it towards Rumlow’s head. 

 Steve covers his girl’s ears before another bang goes out. The last one for the night.

  “I’m really fine, Steve. Dr. Banner said I was fine! No scars and all, see?” You pull your hoodie up to assure him. You watch him stare at your skin, probably looking for scars before he forces your hoodie down with a frown as he bites his lip. 

 “You can’t just pull your shirt up like that. People might see.” His hushed and commanding voice makes you gulp and nod apologetically. 

 You look around as he walks the both of you towards the lake. “But there’s nobody around, Steve.” You whisper, looking down at the dirt as you walk with him. 

 You feel his warm fingers under your chin before your head is tilted up so you’re looking directly up at him. “You really are a smartass, huh?” He smirks, feeling your body warm up against his hold before throwing his arm around your shoulders to continue walking.

 Steve holds you close as the both of you walk down the dock under the darkness of the night. He stops just at the end of the dock before turning to face you. 

 You admire his face, looking so enchanting under the light of the moonlight. “You remember the first time we met?” He asks, grinning at your embarrassed reaction which is you chewing your bottom lip. He caresses your face before running his thumb across your lips, stopping your teeth’s attacks on your lips.

 “How you’re taught to shoot a gun but not how to swim will always be a mystery.” He chuckles, smiling down at you and you watch him as he does just that. He’s just so pretty to look at.

 “You really scared me tonight, little girl…” His sad tone made your eyebrows shoot up in worry. “I-I didn’t mean to, Steve! I’m so sorry.” You frown at yourself but he brushes his fingers on the wrinkles you made between your eyebrows which makes you relax just a bit.

 “I was supposed to be the one protecting you. Not the other way around.” He lets out a sigh before looking at the water. “But thank you. Thank you for doing that. And for trusting me. I know you were a little hesitant with trusting me but you still did. So thank you for that. It means a lot.” Steve looks back at you and smiles. You feel your heart fluttering at his smile but it also breaks at his words. You wanted to tell him that he’s wrong but you are cut off by a bunch of lights.

 You gasp at the lights that start to flicker all around you. You do a slow full 360, looking at the trees that are covered with fairy lights, the side of the docks are covered with lights as well, and the darkness is soon replaced by a whole bunch of lights. Your heart starts to jump when you hear slow music playing in the background and it feels like every time you do a full 360 turn, something new presents itself. 

 Everything seems so magical, so pretty and so… Something straight out of the fairytale movies that you watch. 

 You turn to face Steve again only to find him gone. You frown before looking down to see him down on one knee, a red velvet box in his hand which he holds towards you.

 You feel yourself grinning with so much joy running through your system and you can’t help but to let out a squeal when the velvet box opens to reveal a very pretty diamond ring. 

 “Little girl… Will you make me the happiest man alive by marrying me?” He asks, uncharacteristically shy which makes you giggle. You start giggling more which makes Steve lick his lips as his eyes flash his nervousness. 

 “Steve, you’re so dumb.” You mumble through giggles. 

 “Huh?” Steve slowly stands up, looking at you with sad eyes.

 “We’re already married! We both signed the papers!” You point out the obvious, stopping your giggle fit before kissing him on the lips.

 “Don’t be sad, Steve… I accept your proposal… Even though we’re already married.” You giggle once more before letting him put the ring on you.

 He guides you until the both of you are sitting on the edge of the dock, feet dangling down the water.

 “I just wanted you to have a normal yet magical experience even just for a moment,” Steve whispers after a few minutes of silence.

 “That’s kind of useless.” You automatically say.

 “What? Why?” Steve feels his heart fall at your words. Is he doing this whole thing wrong?

 “I already feel like that whenever I’m with you.” You state, looking at him like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

 Steve feels his heart beat an extra mile but he also feels relieved that he’s indeed doing it right. 

 You grin at the sight of Steve blushing in front of you. You never thought that the man who was so hard on you the first time you met was going to be a blushing mess in front of you right now.

 “Hey, Steve?” Your voice cuts the thin air and he looks at you with a raised eyebrow. “Yeah?”

 “You know how I saved your life earlier…” Steve smiles at your bashful expression that he finds so adorable.

 “Mhmm…” He nonchalantly hums.

 “Well… I was thinking…” You bite your lip in nervousness and embarrassment at the question you’re about to ask him.

 “What is it, little girl?” His voice is matched with a chuckle as he gives you a grin.

 “Can I have a reward for that?” You blurt out.

 Steve feels his cock stir in his pants at her words. He bites his lip before standing up and helping her up as well.

 “I’ll give you everything you want, little girl. It doesn’t have to be a reward. You ask for it, you get it, is that clear?” He gives you a questioning look before smiling when you nod eagerly at him.

 “Now, what is it that you want as a reward?” 

 ————-

He trails kisses from your forehead to your nose, nose to your cheeks, cheeks to your neck. He purposely skips your lips with a grin and starts feasting on your neck. He licks and sucks on a spot he knows too well, earning an adorable squeak from you when he teasingly bites on the skin. “S-Steve!” You gasp, hands going straight to his head, fingers sliding through his soft hair. He continues nipping on your neck until your head tilts back and a quiet moan escapes your lips.

 He pulls away to look at you and then smirks.

 “You want me to give you those special kisses for your rewards?” He cocks a brow before smiling when you nod your head eagerly at him. “Y-yes please.” 

 Steve wastes no time to pleasure you. His little girl.

 He dives for your glistening core and groans in pleasure at your taste. He uses his tongue to stimulate you through your clit, enjoying the way your body shakes under his hold.

 Steve listens to your moans and whimpers like a song and uses it as motivation to keep you a writhing mess under him. “Please, S-Stevie…” He hears you cry under him, reaching your hands towards his hands and pulling it closer to his face as he tongues your clit. 

 Steve chuckles at your needy behavior but complies, not missing the nickname leaving your lips. Anything for his little girl.

 Steve easily enters a finger into your wet core, groaning at your warmness and wetness before adding another finger. He sees your face contorting into a mix of pleasure and pain. Steve leans down to kiss your clit and flicks his tongue faster to distract you from the pain.

 “A-aah” He watches your eyes rolling back when he begins to spread his fingers inside you. Another finger enters and you’re crumbling against his fingers, walls closing around his fingers as you cum undone under him. He pulls away from you before reaching for your face and kissing you hungrily. He smiles against the kiss when he feels you return the kiss with the same hunger.

 He feels you pulling away and he lets you, frowning a little when he sees you looking at him timidly. His hand carefully reaches for your face, knuckles gliding down for cheeks smoothly. “What is it, little girl?” 

 He watches you bite your lip before looking at him with half-lidded eyes. “I w-want to give you special kisses too…” Steve freezes as he feels his cock getting harder than before. He feels your hands reaching for his member, giving him a look before gulping. “C-can you teach me? I want to make you feel good too…” 

 Steve doesn’t know which is beating harder; his cock or his heart, maybe both… Probably both. You do that to him. Only you. His little girl. 

 Steve finds himself gulping as well. “You don’t have to, litt—” 

 “I want to!” You’re quick to cut him off. Almost eager, he notices. He lets out a nervous laugh before nodding. “Okay, okay… I’ll teach you.” He doesn’t miss the way your eyes light up from his approval. He smiles at you before guiding your hands that’s currently holding his hard member.

 “Just do this gently…” He guides your hands up and down his shaft, head going crazy at the sight of your hands not being able to cover his huge cock. He bites his lip, willing himself to hold on and not cum on your hands so early.

 “C-can I kiss it now?” He looks down at you, sitting on the mattress as your innocent eyes look up at him while he stands on the ground. “Go ahead, little girl. Try it.” He encourages you, smiling when you press a quick kiss on his tip. His jaw clenches when you press another kiss, longer this time. 

 Steve’s eyes flutter when he feels your tongue dancing around his tip. You begin to lick along the shaft and then under, making Steve groan wantonly. 

 Steve lets out a frustrated huff when you quickly pull away from him. “I-I’m sorry. I was just doing what you did to me. I-I didn’t mean to hurt you!” Your eyes are teary and Steve realized that his moans made you think that you hurt him.

 He sighs before leaning down to your face, giving you an assuring smile before kissing your nose. “You didn’t do anything wrong, little girl. You’re doing everything right. In fact, you’re doing so great that my friend down there couldn’t help but to go wild under your touch.” He points at his member before grinning at your widened eyes.

 “I’m going to guide you. There’s no reason to be afraid. If you want to stop, just tap me and we will stop. We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, okay?” He waits for your response and lets out a breath of relief when you nod.

 He stands back up, putting your hands on his behind and guiding your face just in front of his cock. “Open wide, little girl.” He sings and grins when you do as told. He holds the back of your head but never pushes you, leaving you to go at your own pace.

 You push yourself forward, taking him halfway before pulling back and pushing yourself back to him. His moans of pleasure push you to do more so you do. You swirl your tongue on his tip as you bob your head, smiling at the loud moan that leaves his lips. 

 “You little tease…” He breathes out, his grip on your head getting tighter but not enough to hurt you. He feels the vibration of your laughter on his cock and he lets out another cry of pleasure.

 Feeling confident with yourself, you push yourself forward until his tip hits the back of your throat, making you gag.

 He helps you as you pull away from him, looking down at you with his flushed face. He studies your face, eyes shadowed with lust, making his heart do somersaults. He wipes the tears on your face before saying, “Breathe through your nose, okay?” He watches you nod and chuckles when you go back for his cock, taking him deep at a slow pace and staying there for a second before pulling slightly away. “That’s my good girl…” He moans as you continue to take him, teasing his tip with your tongue when he suddenly pulls you away from him.

 “Did I—” He cuts you off with a kiss, groaning against your lips and pushing you until you’re lying on your back with him on top of you. “You did great. I just want my cum somewhere else…” He catches your lips when you bite on them, his tongue pushing its way into your mouth.

 He pulls away, guiding your body until he’s kneeling between your thighs, one hand on his cock while the other is on your thigh. “Is this okay?” He asks when he places the tip of his cock on your slit.

 You gingerly nod, whimpering when he slides his cock on your sensitive clit. “P-please…” You have no idea what you’re begging for but he seems to know what he’s doing. 

 “Do you trust me, little girl?” Steve asks, looking at your face with hopeful eyes.

 “Yes, Stevie. I trust you.” Steve’s heart warms up at how fast you answered his question. He nods before sliding a few more teasing thrusts into your folds and clit before slowly sliding his tip into your slit. He stops to look at your face that’s contorted into a frown. He leans down your face to kiss your frown away and kisses your lips as well, hoping to distract you from the pain. 

 Steve pushes his cock deeper when he feels you relax under him. He pushes slowly and stops when he’s fully in, groaning when your walls hug his member tightly. “Fuck!” He hisses before looking at you. “You okay?” He asks, smiling when you nod at him, eyes closed. He kisses your lips before pulling halfway and thrusting into you once more, earning a little whimper from you.

 “How are you feeling, baby?” You try to ignore the nickname, opening your eyes and looking straight at his eyes. “G-good. Please move, Stevie.” You press your palms against his chest. He pulls halfway out before shoving himself inside you again, repeating this action until you’re moaning loudly under him and clutching his biceps for support.

 Steve feels your walls fluttering around him, alarming him that you’re close. He knows he’s close as well so he helps you reach your peak by rubbing your clit with his fingers, groaning at how your walls tighten around him.

 Steve listens to your cries of pleasure as your walls clamp down on his cock as you cum, making him cum as well and milking him. Your body shakes under him and both of you breathe heavily as you try to catch your breath. He falls to your side, his arms enveloping around you to pull you against his chest into a warm and strong embrace.  

 “It’s official. We just consummated our marriage... I’m all yours just as much as you’re all mine.” He stares at your face, watching your eyes as you fight yourself from falling asleep.

 “I fucking love you, little girl.” He lazily says, brushing your face with his fingers. You stare at him sleepily, listening to the beat of his heart.

  “The fuck is he doing?” Your father grumbles as he watches Steve prance around the kitchen.

 “He’s making our daughter breakfast. I think our daughter broke him.” Your mother snickers at the way your father looks at Steve in disbelief. 

 “You tellin’ me that he touched Y/N?!” Your father fumes, getting ready to walk up to the man in the kitchen before your mother stops him.

 “Oh, hunny. Would you stop that? They’re married. And Y/N is an adult. They both are. They can do anything they want. And I can see that Steve really loves our daughter. The way he acted after Y/N got shot. Not to mention the part where he literally saved our asses. Your ass.” Your mother berates your father who just huffs in response before leaving. Your mother chuckles before following her husband, ready to give him a piece of her mind.

  “You made cookies without me?” Steve’s heart flutters as you pout at him. “I want to make cookies too…” You mumble under your breath. You just woke up from your sleep when Steve entered the room with a plate full of cookies.

 “I didn’t want you getting into any accidents, little girl.” Steve chuckles when you take one cookie before grumpily munching on it. He watches as your eyes light up before covering it up with a frown. “Will you stop calling me little girl?”

 “Never.” He simply says. You huff and Steve couldn’t help but to chuckle at your cuteness.

 “Your cookies aren't even that good. I make better cookies.” You mumble before taking another cookie from the plate and munching on it. Steve raises an eyebrow at you before shaking his head. “I know you do, little girl. I know you do.” He smiles at you before making a move to sit beside you. 

 “No! Wait! Stay there.” You point a finger at him before fumbling around the sheets as if looking for something. 

 “You okay?” Steve asks, eyes shooting open when you jump out of the bed to stand in front of him, only the sheets covering your body. You realize this and quickly pull on the hoodie from last night before looking back at Steve with a grin.

 “Hi,” You start, earning a confused look from Steve. “Hello?” He chuckles when you look at him with so much excitement that you’re literally bouncing on your toes.

 “I want to give you something.” 

 “What is it?” Steve watches your fist as you hold it against his face before opening it, revealing a gold ring that looks to be vintage or a hundred years old.

 “Where’d that come from, little girl?” Steve whispers.

 “Can I put it on you? Will you marry me too?” You ignore his question, too excited to listen to anything. Steve laughs before nodding, watching you with adoration as you giddily put the ring on him. 

 “There! So pretty! You’re so pretty, Stevie!” You continue to admire the ring on his finger when he takes your chin with said hand, making you look up at him. 

 “Thank you, little girl.” He leans down to press a kiss on your lips before pulling away with a smile.

 “My father gave it to me.” You blurt out, making Steve’s eye widen just a bit. 

 “Your father?” He asks, not sure about what’s happening.

 “Yes. He came here earlier. Told me that you deserve the ring and that you should never make him regret anything?” Steve listens to you, you obviously don’t know what your father did but it’s enough for Steve to understand.

 “Oh… And Stevie?” He looks at you, smiling and asking you if you need something.

 “I love you too.” You grin at him.

 Steve stares at you for a moment before feeling tears sliding down his cheeks.

 He makes a quick move towards you, pulling you in a tight embrace and pampering your face with kisses.

 “I love you, little girl. Thank you for saying it back.” He mumbles against your hair before pressing a kiss on your lips once more.

 “Stop calling me little girl!” You grumble against him.

 He only chuckles at you before shaking his head. “No. You’ll always be my little girl.”

 ----

a/n: omfg if you finished all that, congratulations you just wasted a whole lot of ur time but thanks for wasting it on me 3;-)

[daegalfangirl]

└> SUMMARY; While grieving the loss of a loved one, a stranger comes up to comfort you. A friendship develops rather quickly, and before you know it, Na Jaemin is now your best friend. Despite the strong friendship the two of you built together in such a short amount of time, both of you were oblivious to the romantic attraction you between each other. How do you two confront this? Well of course, going back to where it started.

└> GENRE; angst & fluff (strangers to lovers)

└> WORD COUNT; 3k+

└> PAIRING; jaemin x fem!reader

└> WARNINGS; mentions of death, there's a flashback to when the person dies, cursing, reader is obnoxiously shy at first

└> A/N; mf uhhhh so this was supposed to be a sungchan fic at first for a collab but then i realized i didn't follow the guidelines at all 🙁 so that's where the mint chocolate reference comes from bc sungchan likes it BUT idek if jaemin likes it so ehm oops??? if he doesn't someone tell me and i'll change it to a diff type of chocolate | update : he hates mint chocolate LMFAOOO i changed it

italicized text = flashback or (you'll be able to tell which it is based off of the context)

Day 0:

Small waves crashing ashore during a late summer night feels like a calming fantasy to some. Your slouched figure sat on the floor sobbing is what ruined the illusion. You couldn't help yourself as your emotions overwhelmed you. You were sitting on the cold sand, knees up at your chest, along with your figure slightly shaking from the emotional overdrive. Your wet cheeks were stained from the tears that flowed down them previously. Your emotional outbreak seemed to be fading away until it amplified once again. It felt like a painfully endless cycle, and you wanted it to end, but heartbreak isn't that easy.

Breakups aren't easy for everyone, and they're nearly impossible to avoid. Love is limitless, they say, but it feels untrue considering the circumstances. Love is a lie, you tell yourself, not wanting to set yourself up for heartbreak once more.

Though, maybe the boy kneeling in front of you proves otherwise. His eyes held compassion in them, something that you would’ve never noticed in the moment.

Sometimes we need to let our feelings out to strangers, get an unbiased point of view as well as the satisfaction of staying unknown. You didn't want to keep the relationship as strangers though, and to this day you take pride in such decisions.

That night you lost someone you loved deeply, in return you received someone who would play an important role later on in your life.

You left the beach, heart still feeling empty, but you were still oblivious to the newly developed feelings towards the boy.

Day 1:

“Here's your ice cream,” Jaemin says as he walks up to you holding two desserts in his hand, one being for you. “Thank you,” you responded timidly to the boy. You two had only met last night, and you still felt a little bit flustered by the way your first encounter went. You felt a bit embarrassed, to say the least.

“Do you want to get to know each other a bit more? We only know our names.” He asked you, hoping to initiate some sort of friendship with you. You softly smiled and nodded, still feeling introverted around the boy.

“I’ll start asking you questions, and then you can go when I'm done.” Your words shocked him, that being the longest sentence you've said so far since he's met you. He nodded excitedly, joyful that you had actually said something that wasn't a short response.

“Okay… What's your favorite food?” You asked, not really knowing what else to say. “Lindor chocolate.” He answered confidently, awaiting the insults from you. Lindor… as a favorite food? That's a first, quite oddly specific too. You nodded while smiling. He giggled at your quiet reaction and stared at you, taking a bite from the cone of the ice cream. It was a chocolate flavor as well, and you stared at it while noting the boy’s unexpected answer.

You stared at the boy, captivated by the boy's charming facial features and physique. He seemed godly under the sun’s rays. If the phrase “too good to be true” applied to people, Jaemin would be a perfect example. His caring personality and good looks make him possibly the perfect human ever.

You were glad to make a new friend like him.

“Hello? Are you gonna answer my question? Y/n?” He kept repeating as he waved his hand over your face in hopes of taking you out of your tranced state. You flinched when you finally got in the proper headspace, cheeks heating up in pure embarrassment.

Did he notice you staring at him? You hoped not, that would be a bit awkward. “Sorry,” you apologized quickly, transitioning back into your previously timid state. Jaemin pouted, slightly upset with himself at making you feel shy again.

“It's okay, it's not your fault. Want me to repeat my question?” He requested once again, trying to be slightly reassuring in hopes of no discomfort on your end. You nodded at him shyly, seemingly catching onto his worry. You smiled at him, not wanting the boy to feel pity for something that wasn't his fault.

He smiled back at you, the action spreading comforting warmth around your body. That could've been the sun frying your insides though, but just so that it sounded better you blamed it on the prior.

That day you went home later than usual, having spent most of your day with Jaemin. Not that you regret it though.

As soon as you entered your room you grabbed your journal and wrote down the special memories you've made today.

Minutes later, you smiled at your page's long description about your day Jaemin. You noticed you forgot something then quickly scribbled an important detail. “His favorite food is Lindor chocolates. I'll remember that for tomorrow.” You finished writing, about to cap the marker that you wrote with before your smile turned into a sad one as you skipped a line and wrote, “I miss you. It's been a whole day without you and I can't bear it. I cried on the beach last night because of you. I’m trying to learn to let you go but it still feels like there's an empty void in my heart.” You draw a heart next to the small message, a lone tear falling over it.

You stained your pillow with tears that night, but the event wasn't foreign to you.

Day 2:

You walked into the convenience store, in hopes of a specific sweet. You hear a greeting from the cashier, returning the favor with a smile. You walked across the few aisles inside of the small store, looking for one aisle in particular. You find and identify it as the candy aisle.

Your eyes skimmed through the stocked sweets until they land on one particular sweet. Lindor chocolate. You grabbed a small bag, then made your way back to the front counter.

“Receipt?” The cashier turned to you awaiting your response, but you shook your head as a no. She nodded, passing you the sweets as you thanked her and made your way out of the store.

The scent of cigarettes filled the air, not being very pleasant to your senses, but you just kept minding your own business while going back home.

Maybe your present will be a pleasant surprise for Jaemin.

You worry whether he’ll like the gesture or not.

A couple of hours pass from when you had visited the convenience store, and now you're meeting up with Jaemin at the local park once again. This time you felt a bit more comfortable, excited to give him the chocolate you'd gotten hours earlier.

He greets you and you smile and greet him back, but this time you don't avoid eye contact, this time you don't speak to the point where it's barely audible, and this time you try to make him feel anything other than pity from the newly developing friendship.

"Hey, I got you something." You said boldly, eyes not cowering away from his. He seemed surprised but quickly tried covering it up by responding calmly. "Yeah? What was it?" He said, almost as if he was challenging you.

He wasn't, but you knew if you made yourself believe that he was, it would help you break out of your shell a little bit. "I got you some chocolate!" You said cheerily giving him one. He didn't even bother to hide his visible shock, but it was unintentionally covered by his bright smile.

"Wow, thank you Y/n. I owe you one." He said scratching the back of his head, suddenly feeling a bit timid. You laughed at the reversed roles between the both of you.

"Why so shy?" You teased the boy as his cheeks began to redden. You laughed at his flustered reaction, reaching out for him. "Wow, I didn't know you were mean Y/n," Jaemin whined, letting out a familiar pout.

You feigned innocence as the two of you bickered lightly, this probably being the most genuinely comfortable part of your friendship so far.

Once the playful bickering ended, Jaemin approached you with a question. "So.. Why'd you get me chocolate?" He asked you, questioning the meaning behind the neatly wrapped treat.

His question made you feel sheepish, but you decided to respond honestly.

"I felt bad. You've been here for me since the beginning of this mess. You could've ignored me on the beach, but you didn't. You did everything in your power to make me happy, and I appreciate all of the gestures. It was about time I did something in return. It might not be special to you, but I'm so thankful for everything you've done." In this moment, you had maintained the same eye contact and confidence that you had before speaking.

"Also... I'm sorry for being really timid and hard to get around at first. I really don't know why you stayed around but either way, it makes me appreciate you even more." You ended your little speech with a grin, Jaemin reciprocating the feeling with the brightest smile you've ever seen since you first met. Although it's only been 2 days with Jaemin in your life, you knew this moment would be forever ingrained in your friendship as a prime moment.

"That means so much to me, thank you Y/n." He says before his smile turns into one of pure somber. "I know how much it hurts to lose someone, and seeing you alone crying at the beach that night... I knew you needed someone to be there for you." He says sincerely.

Jaemin has been with you during your weakest point, pushing his feelings aside for you.

It's time you help him.

That night you write little in your journal, only focusing on the one sentence you wrote.

"It's time I stop being selfish, towards Jaemin, towards him, and towards everyone."

Day 14:

You started your day with Jaemin off by gifting him his daily chocolate, then decided to surprise him again. Okay well, maybe it wasn't a surprise when you knew he heard the crashing waves, but it was still a thoughtful surprise!

Over the past two weeks you two have been strengthening your friendship, now being inseparable. It was too short of a time span to say you were best friends…. but you guys were best friends.

Your journal has been filled with your adventures with Jaemin, the fun ones, the deep emotional ones, and the weird ones. An example of a weird one is you pretending to be Jaemin's girlfriend at his favorite cafe, it's a long story.

You were now at the beach, where it all started. You had held his hand guiding him the whole way through, and it was definitely a struggle for you. After Jaemin tripped about at least 7 times, you were now at the beach, ready to make some new happy memories.

"Just open your eyes, we both know that you know where we are." You inquired, trying to get straight to the point. "Well, are you gonna tell me why we're here?" Jaemin asked, staring at you curiously.

From the outfits you and Jaemin were wearing, there was no way either of you were getting the water. Jaemin awaited your answer, curious in regards to your intentions for the beach visit.

"I feel like our beach encounter is, well, not the best memory. I decided to plan a whole day for us at the beach, trust me I have a fun surprise for later." You explained with utter excitement.

"You know, you don't have to do this. You're too good of a friend Y/n, I can't compete." Jaemin says with a suggestive wink, and you can't help but blush slightly while rolling your eyes. Jaemin has been extremely flirty the past week. Yes, you guys are friends, but that doesn't mean he doesn't make your heart flutter every once in a while.

Jaemin's flirty personality was peeking through his usually sweet and playful personality, but you're still unsure whether you love it or hate it.

Well, that's something for you to figure out later.

"Okay, so what are we gonna do?" Jaemin asks curiously, looking around the beach hoping to catch a glimpse of your "surprise," but of course to no avail. "Over there." You said, pointing your finger towards a red and white plaid cloth on the floor. It was easily identified as a picnic blanket.

On top were dozens of foods, with foods Jaemin liked, and foods that you also enjoyed yourself.

The day had been well spent, you and Jaemin having a long picnic together, and then going to the Ferris wheel right next to the beach.

It was finally nighttime, and you and Jaemin were walking on the sand, feet next to the water as it occasionally wet your shoes.

Things were now quiet between you two, but the silence was comfortable. The setting let the both of you take a breather, as both of your minds unknowingly drifted towards one another.

You had always been attracted to Jaemin, he was visually alluring with a personality that went right along with yours very well. Over these past 2 weeks, you two have gotten personal with each other. You like to believe that you tell each other everything because you really do.

But you don't, there's something unspoken that must be unveiled to the both of you.

"Why? Please don't leave me." You sobbed out, not caring about anything else but him. "I'm sorry, things don't always work out even when we want it to. I'm dying Y/n, I will die." He couldn't lie to you, but he also didn't want to tell you the truth.

But he had to, and now the truth is out.

He never told you he had a chronic condition that would leave him dying. He never told you that he would leave you and this world earlier than he should have.

"Y/n, not only am I dying but so was our relationship. We weren't meant to be with each other, whether I lived or not. Please find someone else who can truly satisfy you, early or late, I don't care. Just, just promise me one thing." He begs as tears roll down both your eyes.

"Take care of yourself. You're too considerate Y/n, and it's not a good thing. It's okay to be selfish sometimes, but remember that you are just as valuable as everyone else." He says as his voice slowly breaks more and more.

You nodded, the both of you exchanging I love yous before he dismissed you from the room, not wanting you to witness his final breath. He knew the moment would haunt you, it may have not been a healthy relationship, but there was still lots of care between the two of you.

--

There you sat on the beach, tears dripping down onto the sand, masked by the water that came from the ocean sat in front of you. Your eyes and nose were red, breathing uneven, and you felt like your whole world was over.

He was your boyfriend, your first love, your first everything, even your best friend. You couldn't handle seeing him go, it hurt too much. Your heart split into two.

You were so busy with your breakdown, you didn't notice the boy who saw you from afar, worry visible in his expression.

You sobbed even harder as you got deeper in thought, but you froze in fear when you noticed a larger shadow over you.

You didn't retaliate when the boy embraced you in a hug, warming your cold body. He shushed you, but it felt comfortable being in his embrace without any exchange in words. Your nerves were slightly calmed by the stranger, which you found quite odd.

In any other moment, you would've ran, screamed, and/or call(ed) for help. His true intentions showed through his actions, the both of you knew this wasn't something manipulative, but from the purity of his heart.

"It'll be okay, trust me." He said in a comforting manner. You nodded, getting up and hugging him with your head in his shoulder.

You knew you'd remember every detail from this moment, from his soft smile to the crescent-shaped moon that shined brightly above the two of you.

"Thank you." You whispered, wiping your tears, the aching still there but feeling much more relieved than before.

He knew you needed someone, and he wanted to be the person to help you get through your pain. He took a bold step by unlocking his phone and passing it to you, showing the keypad setting of the phone app. You entered your phone number and saved it as a contact.

You simply entered your name giving the phone back to him, and he turned off his phone before putting it back into his pocket.

"My name is Jaemin, it's nice to meet you Y/n." He says with a smile.

You smiled softly at the boy.

This was unknowingly the start of a new beginning for both of you.

Am I being selfish? It's only been 2 weeks. How could you do this to him? Why would you betray him like this-

Stop.

Be selfish.

It's okay to do things for you, he would support you and Jaemin. You kept reassuring yourself in your mind before another thing hit.

Wait, would he even say yes?

At that moment your brain stopped and before you could prevent yourself from drawing his attention, you stopped on the sand.

"What's wrong?" Jaemin asks, concern laced over his angelic features. You didn't know what to say, feeling utterly anxious.

You didn't want to be a coward.

You're being too selfish.

You didn't want to lose what could possibly be your only chance.

He doesn't even like you-

"I like you, like a lot." You left it there for a moment, there was so much you wanted to say, but you were scared. You were going to leave it like that until...

You shouldn't be scared. Stop being a coward and embrace your emotions.

"-Words literally cannot describe how infatuated I am with you. 14 days of wasting my wallet on fucking Lindor chocolates, but I don't regret it at all," you say while Jaemin's smile continuously gets wider. "You have always been here by my side, you always make sure I'm comfortable, and every day I spend with you makes me unbelievably happy." You said taking a big breath of relief at the end of your confession. You finally let it all out.

Jaemin goes for a hug almost instantaneously as your eyes teared, the relief of getting all your frustrating feelings out. "I feel the same way, and I know how things have been rough on you. We can take our time and go at our own pace." He says giving you a kiss on your cheek as you blush profusely.

"Thank you for telling me. I don't think I would've ever told you on my own. I was planning on telling you, but after what happened I wanted to give you time." He sighs, resting his chin over your head.

"I'm glad I can finally call you mine, but I know how anxious you get sometimes. One step at a time." He says, wanting to assure the best for your relationship in the future. You nod in agreement.

"One step at a time."

its nice going on late night drives together, love songs playing on the radio, when i just know you're thinking about me. it's okay though, because i'm thinking about you too.

kvydence, 2021 ❣︎

[bluealmondpie]

haikyuu!boyfriends

suga is such a balanced character. so much love to give, but also so much chaos. if i had to choose someone to marry i think it'll b him, i'll never be bored a day in the rest of my life ever again

bf!sugawara

* i have this impression that suga is a "love at first sight" type of guy

* i mean. he's so intuitive and good at reading people

* it's definitely got to take him by surprise, love

* idek what situation it would be but like all of a sudden his eyes will land on you for the first time and it's like ✨✨sparkle screen tone✨✨

* anyway he's not one to fumble in speech just bc there's a hella cute angel that decided to grace his vision (he totally said that out loud, i'm just quoting him)

* anyway dates with this lovely boy is just so. much. fun.

* i mean it starts off sort of normal u know like wew amusement park stuff u think it's just gonna b a great day in general classic first date

* ofc u go to the horror house

* surprisingly he LOVES IT right or maybe not surprisingly but N E WAY listen to me

* suga is the type who will 10/10 sneak back up on the ghosts or scare them back

* laugh at them when they laugh at you

* chase them when they chase you

* generally. the worst kind of person u wanna bring to a haunted house, cos the ghosts/theme park workers just get annoyed

* i mean he's probably the one who tells the ghost stories during training camps

* so yeah after that lovely and completely embarrassing experience u go for a roller coaster or more than one actually all of them

* and this man is not afraid of anything in the theme park he is just having a B L A S T

* u wonder if you're really needed in this whole situation

* after all it seems like he just needed some company

* but you two decide to take a break and chill out at a random little pavilion ~conveniently~ out of the way and sheltered from prying eyes

* and you're ruminating on your thoughts like hmmm maybe i read the signs wrongly and he's not actually interested in me at all

* then suga turns up with a couple ice creams and hands one to you and just... leans back and enjoys his peace and quiet and ice cream beside you

* as u look at how restful and gentle he looks, you wonder where the loud, excitable and chaotic person when was on the rides with u went

* and he notices u staring and smiles

* and you're a goner i'm sorry have u seen his soft, soft smiles and kind eyes

* like wow hit me with that love too

* you're totally blinded. and also falling deep, deep into the hole of a man called sugawara koushi.

* after that first date every date is an adventure.

* cafes you've never heard of, new ones, different concepts, he brings you to all of them

* whether the food is good or the food is bad

* whether it is dodgy or not

* you're there and it's just like wow babe all this cool knick knacks!! look at the interior design!! look at the furnishing it's so cute/vintage/eccentric/idk what other adjectives but i suppose it depends on where u went

* sometimes you go to high places like mountain tops and towers to watch the sea and feel the wind and it's always so refreshing

* suga is a surprise person. surprise events. surprise hugs. surprise kisses. he does them all.

* and he's great at skinship like all the hugs are so warm and heavenly u don't wanna leave. he knows just when to pull you closer and when to let go and shift you so you feel more comfortable. he knows when to gently press a kiss into your forehead. when to bury his face into your hair.

* he's not that great on handholding, usually when he grabs your hand it's to drag you someplace. otherwise his hands are laden with snacks while you too are walking around and it's still great. casual, yet warm.

* although in private he might never let go of you. cuddles all the way. he sometimes likes being the small spoon. he also likes lying on your chest. generally the positions you find yourselves in are random and almost contortionist sometimes... because it's just... comfortable. like a cat.

* forever pressing gentle kisses to your forehead. while his hands are wrapped around your waist. or sometimes on your cheeks.

* suga's got mad wife and life skills. don't talk about making simple meals, he can cook up a feast if it's a special occasion. he can make a whole stuffed toy, let alone sew a button or mend clothes. wife him up fast, k?

* the spicy foods tho. he makes them everyday. you'd b in luck if you like them, if not, sometimes he enjoys seeing u suffer. just sometimes (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

* rarely gets mad at you. but u probably often get mad at the chaos he brings. it really can go above and beyond imagination

* yet he can also be very grounded. it's like flying a kite. he's a master at knowing when to let loose and when to pull it together, so you can fly higher to catch the wind.

* sometimes you think he may be the wind itself, especially when he laughs in such an airy, light way.

*******

requests open;

masterlist here (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

omg guys i am back from the dead.

sorry for the hiatus. in general i've been in a very dark place for a while now. but i've been trying to get out of this funk and i started rereading the haikyuu spin offs and i just really miss haikyuu and writing and just making stuff in general. i started an art ig acct just to keep myself occupied, and i've just started writing again. the fluff keeps me distracted from the pressing darkness at night (it's 2.51am as i write this: i've been trying to sleep earlier, and it's much earlier than the crack of dawn. i'm improving! just a little)

i see every like from all the older posts and i'm always thankful for any likes and reblogs 🥺 it rlly does help me feel more productive and valued.

hang in there guys. stay safe and healthy in the pandemic.

ping me if you wanna chat!