#IN ME HOLE

[teaboot]

Okay so I'm a security guard, right

And part of why I like my job is cause I'm pretty good at deescalating conflicts without violence or police involvement

And that *might* be because my primary coping mechanism for stress is humor, and if the guy in the uniform isn't stressed out, usually nobody else is either

But anyhow today I witnessed a crime, which 911 had already been called for

And I'm telling the guy, you know, as he's running away, that nobody's gonna touch him, we don't do that here, I don't have any weapons and he can totally walk on out if he wants to

And he gives me this 'go-fuck-yourself" type answer, right? As you do

And I fucking

I fucking. Start danCING

I DONT KNOW WHY

I WAS JUST LIKE "aight guess I'll go fuck myself then, cheerio" AND START FUCKING DANCING

LIKE MY BRAIN WAS LIKE "Cool not being attacked, gotta keep the witnessed calm, gotta stay chill and breezy" AND THE PHYSICAL RESPONSE FOR THAT WAS TO SYART DOING THIS SASSY FUCKING JIG

I DIDNT EVEN REALIZR I WAS FDOUNG IT UNTIL SOMEONE POIU TED IT OUT AFTER

and it all ended fine and the dude is in custody and I get a call from my boss like "Yeah we're gonna need to send footage to police"

AND

FUCKING

THIS IS GOING TO BE SHOWN IN COURT SOMEWHERE

IM DOUNG A SRUPID LITTLE DANCE ON CAMERA AS THIS GUY LOSES HIS MIND AND ITS GONNA BE ON COURT SOMEWHERW

THIS IS THE STUPIDEST FUCKING THING IVE WVER DONE

I HATE MYSELFD

[hansoeii]

A latte with lots of love!

[likevanillaicys]

me all day at school

[soapbbox]

Like does the high guard know about what’s been going on or

Technically a continuation of this

[bumblebeebats]

"Don't just throw ripped jeans away, you can repair them using these 10 cute Visible Mending techniques!!" unfortunately my friend the first point of failure for every single pair of jeans i have owned in my life has been the Crotch and Ass. Knees: fine, cuffs: fine; but 3 years in, and all that stands between the world and my astronaut-patterned taint is 0.5µm of denim worn so thin that every squat threatens to tear it to shreds like wet toilet paper. If the Tiktok craft community could figure out a way to resurrect jeans afflicted in such a way that doesn't involve adding a whole ass buttpatch like some sort of inverse assless chaps situation then that'd be great

[pirate-cashoo]

Papa V Perpetua my beloved 💜

[hinamie]

*about any given drawing* cranking the saturation slider will fix this

[ryebreadedd]

[rhymo-s]

Yknow...✨️feelings✨️

[mellosdrawings]

Guess what happened to my dog yesterday.

[atanerrum]

the bayonetta x vash mash-up that i've been brewing in my head for over a year is soooo going to happen soon

[crazycometspecular]

Those poor unfortunate souls [frankenstein au]

[katsinspats]

Thematically appropriate comic for Make a Terrible Comic Day!!

I saw the original post this morning and it made me get out of bed to make something, so thank u Pseudonym Jones mission accomplished

[cosmicchipss]

You know what's better than found family? LOST family, as unsurvivable as once rich meadows turned into stretching deserts. Unsalvageable, yet got you crawling back at night wondering what went wrong down the line. Doesn't matter; there's nothing to be done about it but watch.

Edited because I uploaded the version with grammatical mistake 😭😭😭 so much for a c1 cefr

[z13lovebot]

thankyou jambound for reminding me why im depressed ❤️

[bones-of-rabbit]

feed your partner a salamander