#INESCAPABLE BUNNIES :]!!

[nonipunssif]

Bunnies :3!!

A Jax Caine, a Jax Pomni and a Jax Kinger lmao

The multiverse of swap's Jax's :O

The great digital land!Jax (Jax caine, Also the one with a yellow smile) = Me

Randomize!Jax (Jax Kinger, also the one with floppy ears) = @crystalworksarts

The swaped circus!Jax (Jax Pomni, Also the traumatized) = @tadc-swaped-au

[ladytauria]

Poor poor Tauria, keeps getting hit by the plot bunnies

(i build a bunny trower)

shskdjkdjdkdj

oh jeez i wonder where all these bunnies keep coming from

i know they breed fast but i swear they shouldn’t be multiplying this quickly

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Are the means of computation even seizable?

I'm on a 20+ city book tour for my new novel PICKS AND SHOVELS. Catch me in PITTSBURGH in TOMORROW (May 15) at WHITE WHALE BOOKS, and in PDX on Jun 20 at BARNES AND NOBLE with BUNNIE HUANG. More tour dates (London, Manchester) here.

Something's very different in tech. Once upon a time, every bad choice by tech companies – taking away features, locking out mods or plugins, nerfing the API – was countered, nearly instantaneously, by someone writing a program that overrode that choice.

Bad clients would be muscled aside by third-party clients. Locked bootloaders would be hacked and replaced. Code that confirmed you were using OEM parts, consumables or adapters would be found and nuked from orbit. Weak APIs would be replaced with muscular, unofficial APIs built out of unstoppable scrapers running on headless machines in some data-center. Every time some tech company erected a 10-foot enshittifying fence, someone would show up with an 11-foot disenshittifying ladder.

Those 11-foot ladders represented the power of interoperability, the inescapable bounty of the Turing-complete, universal von Neumann machine, which, by definition, is capable of running every valid program. Specifically, they represented the power of adversarial interoperability – when someone modifies a technology against its manufacturer's wishes. Adversarial interoperability is the origin story of today's tech giants, from Microsoft to Apple to Google:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2019/10/adversarial-interoperability

But adversarial interop has been in steady decline for the past quarter-century. These big companies moved fast and broke things, but no one is returning the favor. If you ask the companies what changed, they'll just smirk and say that they're better at security than the incumbents they disrupted. The reason no one's hacked up a third-party iOS App Store is that Apple's security team is just so fucking 1337 that no one can break their shit.

I think this is nonsense. I think that what's really going on is that we've made it possible for companies to design their technologies in such a way that any attempt at adversarial interop is illegal.

"Anticircumvention" laws like Section 1201 of the 1998 Digital Millennium Copyright Act make bypassing any kind of digital lock (AKA "Digital Rights Management" or "DRM") very illegal. Under DMCA, just talking about how to remove a digital lock can land you in prison for 5 years. I tell the story of this law's passage in "Understood: Who Broke the Internet," my new podcast series for the CBC:

https://pluralistic.net/2025/05/08/who-broke-the-internet/#bruce-lehman

For a quarter century, tech companies have aggressively lobbied and litigated to expand the scope of anticircumvention laws. At the same time, companies have come up with a million ways to wrap their products in digital locks that are a crime to break.

Digital locks let Chamberlain, a garage-door opener monopolist block all third-party garage-door apps. Then, Chamberlain stuck ads in its app, so you have to watch an ad to open your garage-door:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/11/09/lead-me-not-into-temptation/#chamberlain

Digital locks let John Deere block third-party repair of its tractors:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/05/08/about-those-kill-switched-ukrainian-tractors/

And they let Apple block third-party repair of iPhones:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/05/22/apples-cement-overshoes/

These companies built 11-foot ladders to get over their competitors' 10-foot walls, and then they kicked the ladder away. Once they were secure atop their walls, they committed enshittifying sins their fallen adversaries could only dream of.

I've been campaigning to abolish anticircumvention laws for the past quarter-century, and I've noticed a curious pattern. Whenever these companies stand to lose their legal protections, they freak out and spend vast fortunes to keep those protections intact. That's weird, because it strongly implies that their locks don't work. A lock that works works, whether or not it's illegal to break that lock. The reason Signal encryption works is that it's working encryption. The legal status of breaking Signal's encryption has nothing to do with whether it works. If Signal's encryption was full of technical flaws but it was illegal to point those flaws out, you'd be crazy to trust Signal.

Signal does get involved in legal fights, of course, but the fights it gets into are ones that require Signal to introduce defects in its encryption – not fights over whether it is legal to disclose flaws in Signal or exploit them:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/03/05/theyre-still-trying-to-ban-cryptography/

But tech companies that rely on digital locks manifestly act like their locks don't work and they know it. When the tech and content giants bullied the W3C into building DRM into 2 billion users' browsers, they categorically rejected any proposal to limit their ability to destroy the lives of people who broke that DRM, even if it was only to add accessibility or privacy to video:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2017/09/open-letter-w3c-director-ceo-team-and-membership

The thing is, if the lock works, you don't need the legal right to destroy the lives of people who find its flaws, because it works.

Do digital locks work? Can they work? I think the answer to both questions is a resounding no. The design theory of a digital lock is that I can provide you with an encrypted file that your computer has the keys to. Your computer will access those keys to decrypt or sign a file, but only under the circumstances that I have specified. Like, you can install an app when it comes from my app store, but not when it comes from a third party. Or you can play back a video in one kind of browser window, but not in another one. For this to work, your computer has to hide a cryptographic key from you, inside a device you own and control. As I pointed out more than a decade ago, this is a fool's errand:

https://memex.craphound.com/2012/01/10/lockdown-the-coming-war-on-general-purpose-computing/

After all, you or I might not have the knowledge and resources to uncover the keys' hiding place, but someone does. Maybe that someone is a person looking to go into business selling your customers the disenshittifying plugin that unfucks the thing you deliberately broke. Maybe it's a hacker-tinkerer, pursuing an intellectual challenge. Maybe it's a bored grad student with a free weekend, an electron-tunneling microscope, and a seminar full of undergrads looking for a project.

The point is that hiding secrets in devices that belong to your adversaries is very bad security practice. No matter how good a bank safe is, the bank keeps it in its vault – not in the bank-robber's basement workshop.

For a hiding-secrets-in-your-adversaries'-device plan to work, the manufacturer has to make zero mistakes. The adversary – a competitor, a tinkerer, a grad student – only has to find one mistake and exploit it. This is a bedrock of security theory: attackers have an inescapable advantage.

So I think that DRM doesn't work. I think DRM is a legal construct, not a technical one. I think DRM is a kind of magic Saran Wrap that manufacturers can wrap around their products, and, in so doing, make it a literal jailable offense to use those products in otherwise legal ways that their shareholders don't like. As Jay Freeman put it, using DRM creates a new law called "Felony Contempt of Business Model." It's a law that has never been passed by any legislature, but is nevertheless enforceable.

In the 25 years I've been fighting anticircumvention laws, I've spoken to many government officials from all over the world about the opportunity that repealing their anticircumvention laws represents. After all, Apple makes $100b/year by gouging app makers for 30 cents on ever dollar. Allow your domestic tech sector to sell the tools to jailbreak iPhones and install third party app stores, and you can convert Apple's $100b/year to a $100m/year business for one of your own companies, and the other $999,900,000,000 will be returned to the world's iPhone owners as a consumer surplus.

But every time I pitched this, I got the same answer: "The US Trade Representative forced us to pass this law, and threatened us with tariffs if we didn't pass it." Happy Liberation Day, people – every country in the world is now liberated from the only reason to keep this stupid-ass law on their books:

https://pluralistic.net/2025/01/15/beauty-eh/#its-the-only-war-the-yankees-lost-except-for-vietnam-and-also-the-alamo-and-the-bay-of-ham

In light of the Trump tariffs, I've been making the global rounds again, making the case for an anticircumvention repeal:

https://www.ft.com/content/b882f3a7-f8c9-4247-9662-3494eb37c30b

One of the questions I've been getting repeatedly from policy wonks, activists and officials is, "Is it even possible to jailbreak modern devices?" They want to know if companies like Apple, Tesla, Google, Microsoft, and John Deere have created unbreakable digital locks. Obviously, this is an important question, because if these locks are impregnable, then getting rid of the law won't deliver the promised benefits.

It's true that there aren't as many jailbreaks as we used to see. When a big project like Nextcloud – which is staffed up with extremely accomplished and skilled engineers – gets screwed over by Google's app store, they issue a press-release, not a patch:

https://arstechnica.com/gadgets/2025/05/nextcloud-accuses-google-of-big-tech-gatekeeping-over-android-app-permissions/

Perhaps that's because the tech staff at Nextcloud are no match for Google, not even with the attacker's advantage on their side.

But I don't think so. Here's why: we do still get jailbreaks and mods, but these almost exclusively come from anonymous tinkerers and hobbyists:

https://consumerrights.wiki/Mazda_DMCA_takedown_of_Open_Source_Home_Assistant_App

Or from pissed off teenagers:

https://www.theverge.com/2022/9/29/23378541/the-og-app-instagram-clone-pulled-from-app-store

These hacks are incredibly ambitious! How ambitious? How about a class break for every version of iOS as well as an unpatchable hardware attack on 8 years' worth of Apple bootloaders?

https://pluralistic.net/2020/05/25/mafia-logic/#sosumi

Now, maybe it's the case at all the world's best hackers are posting free code under pseudonyms. Maybe all the code wizards working for venture backed tech companies that stand to make millions through clever reverse engineering are just not as mad skilled as teenagers who want an ad-free Insta and that's why they've never replicated the feat.

Or maybe it's because teenagers and anonymous hackers are just about the only people willing to risk a $500,000 fine and 5-year prison sentence. In other words, maybe the thing that protects DRM is law, not code. After all, when Polish security researchers revealed the existence of secret digital locks that the train manufacturer Newag used to rip off train operators for millions of euros, Newag dragged them into court:

https://fsfe.org/news/2025/news-20250407-01.en.html

Tech companies are the most self-mythologizing industry on the planet, beating out even the pharma sector in boasting about their prowess and good corporate citizenship. They swear that they've made a functional digital lock…but they sure act like the only thing those locks do is let them sue people who reveal their workings.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2025/05/14/pregnable/#checkm8

[haologram]

how to be a latin lover ♡ h.js (m)

♡ synopsis: the dreadful semester has started — meaning your summer vacation has come to end, and so has your summer fling…or has it? ♡ genre: summer fling au ; big dummy dumb idiots to lovers ; ta x student dynamics. ♡ pairing: spanish ta!joshua hong x chaebol!fem!reader | side pairings: lee chan x jung haerim (weki meki) ; wen junhui x lee saerom (fromis_9) ♡ word count: 26.8k ♡ rating: 18+. minors do not interact, i beg. ♡ warnings: honestly, a little toxic if you squint. lots of pining. hella slow burn. lots of suggestive commentary but no smut because i'm ass at it (sorry if you wanted some, maybe during the lore drops for this fic later this year i'll add some) and very, very toxic mother-daughter dynamics [official warnings: joshua and y/n are absolute idiots. i’m talking the dumbest mfs you’ve ever encountered, you’ll want to scream at them through the screen.] ♡ what to listen to: otro atardecer - bad bunny, the marías ; get to you - mac ayres ; sky full of stars - coldplay ; brave enough - leehi ; qué locura enamorarme de ti - eddie santiago ♡ a/n: it's finally here! thank you to @camandemstudios for allowing me to be a part of such a wonderful collab (and i promise hoshi will be out by next week!) thank you to @tomodachiii , @wqnwoos and @highvern for betaing this stupid behemoth and telling me to stop being a little bitch (no one said that). hopefully i will see everyone soon with the hoshi version! thanks for reading!

Monday, August 29th.

Summer is over.

A sad fate deemed inescapable, despite your sunkissed glow and endless array of swimsuits begging you to stay on the beach – you were forced to return to reality after spending six weeks in Mexico, away from the shackles of your mother's constant nagging and the fall semester of impending doom. Your trip was all-expenses paid, of course – thanks to daddy's big, fat wallet.

You had no worries – your skin was clear, your hair was bouncy, your belly was full of delicious food as you pranced the streets of Puerto Vallarta with your best friend, Lee Saerom. Your father didn't even know he'd footed the bill for her, too. He didn't check the credit card report after you booked your trip – just nodded absentmindedly and waved you off, his voice echoing the walls of the office. "Have fun, honey."

Well? The fun you had…is now here to bite you in your sweet, sunkissed ass.

Summer flings have been your thing since you were eighteen – so since your parents finally let you out of their grasp to 'explore.' Whatever the hell that meant, you didn't know, but you gladly took the plane tickets and went off to wherever they sent you. One year, it was Greece, and your summer sweetheart grew a bit too obsessed with you – leading you to change your number and start using burner phones for vacations.

You covered all your tracks. You didn't even give this guy your social media accounts, you gave him your burner number…you didn't even tell him your last name. Yet, you are so undeniably screwed.

"Hello, everyone!" He scans the room as he takes a sip of his coffee, glancing at the door. "I'm unsure if you all received the email, but Professor Lee won't be in today." He's still scouring faces, taking in new ones and recognizing old ones. He hasn't seen you, and you're sure if you just sink a bit further down, he won't. "I'm Joshua Hong, and I'm Professor Lee's teaching assistant this year. She asked me to review the syllabus with you, in lieu of her absence." He taps the stack of papers on the large oak desk, clicking his tongue. "I'm gonna put the digital copy up on the projector, and you guys can just pick one of these up on your way out. Sounds good?" The class seemingly nods simultaneously, and you find yourself sliding down your chair as he walks to dim the lights. "That being said, welcome to Beginning Spanish Conversation! I took this course last year, and Professor Lee is super nice so you won't have to worry about getting into any scuffles with her."

He's speaking to himself as he connects everything, the home screen of his laptop popping onto the projector screen. It's him and two other guys dressed as the Powerpuff Girls. He giggles to himself before using the laser pointer. "Not that you guys care, but these are my friends." He points to the one dressed as Buttercup, tied to a moving dolly with a sour expression on his face.

"This is Jeonghan. He's another TA on the East Campus, and the secretary of my fraternity! If you ever see me off campus, I'm likely with him and this guy." He points at the one dressed as Bubbles with a tiara on, a guy you recognize but can't seem to place. "This is Seungcheol. He's President of Beta Tau Omega, in case you're wondering where you've probably seen him before." You freeze as he opens his Safari, hoping that comment wasn't directed at you. It opens to the syllabus, and you feel your lips twitch at how cute Professor Lee made it. There is a floral border surrounding the page, and he points the laser on the screen again.

"Okay, so. Again, I'm Joshua Hong and your professor is Lee Hyori. This is Beginning Spanish Conversation, so we'll be learning a lot of vocabulary and common phrases. Enough to get you by in case you're ever stranded in the middle of Guadalajara with no phone and no money." He smiles, and someone raises their hand in the front.

"Are you speaking from personal experience?" It's Jung Haerim, a girl from your World Cultures class last semester.

His smile only grows slightly wider as he shakes his head. "No, and yes. I got lost in Denmark. Copenhagen, to be exact, and I had to flirt my way onto the train. Not as fun as it sounds, trust me." He returns to the screen, carefully going over what the students could expect in the coming weeks. He reiterated that Professor Lee loves pop quizzes, so stay prepared. It was only then when he finally stopped speaking, flashing yet another award-winning smile. 

"Any questions?"

Your hand is crawling to cover your face as people start asking questions, further prolonging your suffering – when you feel eyes on you. Peeking through your fingers, you see him peering at you over the rim of his tumbler. They hold a mischievous glint, and he casually continues answering questions.

Where are you from?

"Los Angeles. I moved here when I was about…nineteen? Yeah." You already knew this.

How was your summer?

"Pretty good, I spent eight weeks in Puerto Vallarta. I got back maybe three days ago, and only then did I find out I got this position." You knew this, too. He probably remembers you.

What's your major?

"I'm a Music major, with a minor in Jazz Studies." He told you this on your third night together, over an IPA and a shared basket of chips and salsa. You burned your tongue on your food that night, you couldn't taste for days.

Oh? Why that?

"I've always been passionate about it. Funny, I took Spanish to broaden my horizons for it. I'll hopefully be a producer after graduation."

Your impatience begins to show as you bounce your leg irritably, and it's almost like he can hear your thoughts. "Alright, alright. I'll literally be here every time you guys are, so save your questions about me. Or, find me after! We can hang, I'm usually at the frat anyway." He shrugs, gesturing to the pile of papers on the desk.

"Syllabus, take one!" His smile is bright as you scramble down the steps, snatching the piece of paper off the desk and just about sprint to the door. You can feel your cheeks heating in embarrassment as you barrel down the hallway, deciding to skip your next class in hopes of drowning in your shame.

You spot Saerom a few feet down the hall, smiling and talking to one of your other friends, Chan. He was rushing that stupid fraternity this year, so if your math was right – you wouldn't be able to avoid Joshua at all this year.

"Saerom, I'm so fucked." You call, and she immediately spins around, a look of discernment on her face.

"Y/N, what are you on about this time? The last time you said that, it was because you left your Dior lip oil in Morocco." She deadpans, and you scoff. "Maybe it's about her classes." Chan reminds her coolly, and you sigh as you slump your forehead against his chest, earning a pat on the back from him.

"For once, the twink is right." Groaning, you bury your face further into Chan's chest. "I've got to transfer out of Spanish, or the University. I cannot be on this campus."

Your words are muffled against Chan's shirt, earning a sigh from Saerom as she places her hands on your shoulders. "Get a grip, Y/N! It's the first day of your last year, it's not the end of the world. You will not see any of these people next semester, trust me."

She's not understanding the severity of your issue, and only when you hear someone stop behind you, do you attempt to explain. "Saerom, you're not listening–"

"Saerom, is that you?" 

She looks up, her eyes lighting up as she gently gestures for you to hang on, pushing past to envelop whoever it was in a hug. You look over your shoulder, eyes wide as you see him looking down at your best friend.

"Shua! Oh my God, it's been so long! How's your mom?!" Shua. Oh, you feel sick.

Your breath hitches in your throat, before Chan's amused face comes into your line of vision as he drapes his arm over your shoulder – effectively hiding you from Joshua. "We'll let you guys catch up. See you later, Saerom?"

He tugs you away without getting an answer from her, and you almost make it out of the hall when you hear your name slip from Saerom's lips. "Oh, Y/N is my best friend! I'll have to introduce you sometime, you'd love her."

You barely catch Joshua's response as Chan makes a left out of the hall.

"I'm sure I will."

Friday, September 2nd.

"So…anything you want to tell me?" 

Saerom is standing next to you, placing forks next to slices of cake. The two of you had missed three birthdays on your trip, and you'd invited said birthday buddies over for a celebratory movie night to make up for it. You'd bought a cake on your way home from your first Organic Chemistry lab, and Saerom had set up the apartment with the small gifts you'd brought back from Puerto Vallarta.

To your luck, Saerom had pulled you aside while you were cutting the cake to talk to you.

"Uh, no? I skipped Spanish today? I used the last of my face wash?"

She rolls her eyes, crossing her arms as she turns to face you. "You were never gonna tell me that you slept with someone this summer?" 

"I don't know what you're talking about? Obviously, you knew I'd find someone." 

You try to hold in the heat of embarrassment, but Saerom's like a dog with a bone. "Right, of course. How would I, your best friend, not know that you, my best friend, slept with a guy over the summer?" Soonyoung, Junhui and Nagyung were playing Mario Kart on your television, and couldn't hear the conversation being had in the kitchen. You felt your cheeks warm as you stared into the cake, a bit of chocolate frosting smeared on your knuckles. "Sae, it was just some random guy I met when you slept in. Why does this matter?" "It matters…" She huffs, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, and you give her a look of get on with it. "It matters because he's my cousin, Y/N."

Your grip on the spatula tightens. You can feel your stomach drop, eyes wide as you look back at her. "He's your what?"

"I'm not mad at you, if that's what you're thinking. I'd never be mad at you for that…even if it is weird for me." She says quietly, and sighs as you feel panic set into your skin. "I just…Why didn't you tell me? I transferred to this university for you, I tell you about all my hookups, and I had to find out through him that you guys were sleeping together for the last three weeks of our vacation?"

"How could I have possibly known the two of you were related? Better yet, why does it matter? It was just a stupid fling, Sae. I'm not trying to marry into your family, God." You mumble, placing the spatula in the sink and covering the rest of the cake with the plastic lid. "If it makes you feel any better, I didn't think it would come back to bite me in the ass." "It doesn't. I thought you already considered me family, Y/N. It seems I've been under the wrong impression for a while." Her eyes are cold as she moves the cake slices onto a tray, and you feel taken aback. "What the hell does that mean?" "What the hell did you mean? As if marrying into my family would be so fucking bad? We're a great family. We're loving, open, and honest. Nothing like you, it seems!" 

You gape at her, before you feel a bit of anger claw at your throat. "Saerom, I didn't think I'd ever see him again! Of course I'm going to hope he doesn't expect anything more from me, because I can't handle that. I want a career, I want to own my parents' businesses after graduation. I can't let a guy tie me down, no matter who he is to my friends. You have to get that." Her eyes are hurt, contrary to the furious tug on her brows. She knows what you want out of life, she always had – at least, what you would let her believe. Your parents had expectations, and you, as their only daughter, had to fulfill everything. Taking over your father's companies, inheriting your mother's properties, continuing the bloodline. It was all on you.

God forbid a girl have a little fun on vacation.

"It's always about you and your career, isn't it?" She mutters, grabbing the tray and walking towards the living room. She stops in front of the doorway, looking over her shoulder. "I thought I could trust you, Y/N. It seems that being a Risk Analyst may not be my perfect fit, after all."

You kind of hate that this is happening.

No, scratch that. You hate that this is happening. You don't even really understand what just happened, or how Saerom could have possibly interpreted what you said as something bad. Despite these horrible circumstances, you knew that Joshua couldn't possibly be a bad guy. Granted, you'd skipped your Spanish class twice now, doing everything in your power to convince Chan to enroll into it so you wouldn't have to face Joshua alone. You even said you'd pay his stupid fraternity dues if he got in, no matter how bad you hated Beta Tau Omega.

Joshua was sweet on vacation, but everyone has their vacation persona, and their normal life characteristics. At home, you were serious, studious, and even slightly uptight.

On vacation, you were…flirtatious, unhinged, a bit wild. You took shots from strangers and stayed out in clubs and bars until the wee hours of the morning. You'd play games of chicken with cute guys, letting them kiss you in bathrooms and put their hands up your skirt.

Joshua did none of that, he didn't indulge your behavior. At least, not right off the bat.

He'd caught your eye at a restaurant, speaking perfect Spanish to the waitress. He looked…refreshing. Sweet, different from your past romances. He looked like someone you'd actually date, but you were on vacation and you weren't looking for a long-term, potentially long-distance boyfriend. A quick fuck, a cum-and-go, if you will.

You'd bought him a mimosa, ignoring his line of vision as you befriended a few girls you'd met at the pool of your hotel. Saerom decided to sleep in that morning, and almost every other time you managed to catch Joshua alone – she wasn't in your presence. Maybe that was the universe protecting the both of them, while scorning you.

He'd sent a glass of white wine to your table, also avoiding your gaze and continuing his breakfast conversation with his friends. Jeonghan and Seungcheol, now that you can put a name to the faces. You didn't bother then, it didn't matter.

Not until now, of course.

You remember walking past his table on your way to close out your check, slipping your name and burner number on a napkin. You remember his friends teasing him, even hearing one of them give a low whistle. You remember said burner phone buzzing in your pocket less than an hour later, and meeting up with him that night at a salsa club down the beach.

You also remember cuddling on a hammock with him, pointing out stars you'd memorized as a kid because you wanted to be an astronaut. You remember him kissing your fingertips as you talked about your life back home, leaving out details of where you lived, where you went to school and who your parents were. You remember his eyes scanning your face, lingering on your lips as you sighed, voicing your unhappiness.

You had truly opened up to a stranger faster than you had anyone else. Even Saerom didn't know you felt this way about your life. How could she? She was under the impression that you loved it, you loved feeling important, you loved the money your lifestyle was funded by. That you didn't care about your parents' emotional absence, and the overwhelming amount of nannies being rotated in and out of your childhood in place of them.

Some things are better left unsaid, you remind yourself. You have to remind yourself that this façade needs to be upheld. You have to make your parents proud. You have to.

Right?

You're still standing in the kitchen when Nagyung appears in the doorway, her voice soft as she calls out to you. "Y/N?" You jump, a hand to your chest as you look up. She apologizes, "Sorry! It's just…the movie is starting. Are you coming?" "Yeah, sorry. I'll be right there." You gesture at the mess of cake crumbs and frosting, and she gives you a quick smile before scurrying back to the living room. You turn to wash the spatula, your mind just reminiscing as you grab the soapy sponge.

"So you're going to take over your father's business?""Yeah, I'm an only child, so I don't have much of a choice. If I don't take it, it just goes to the highest bidder. In my mind, it wouldn't be the end of the world if that happened, I'd get to pursue my own path."

"If you think that, why are you taking it over? Why not tell your parents that you have dreams you want to pursue? I know it's easier said than done, but office jobs are not good for the soul in my opinion." He spoke confidently, his fingers twirling your hair.

"I'd be ungrateful, I'd be throwing away hundreds of properties and investors. I'd be throwing away this lavish life I live, funded by my father's money. I'd be throwing away a secure future…and I'd be letting them down."

You didn't want to be an astronaut anymore. You'd long let that dream go, along with an eight-year-old you that had posters of Yi Soyeon and constellations plastered all over your room. You remember your mother standing in the doorway of your bedroom when you got your first poster of a supernova, a glass of Merlot in her hand as she sighed. "You'll never be like them, you know? Going into space…eating peanut butter on crackers and floating. It's not possible." She had been right, anyway. You had put all of those posters up in your attic, along with your rocket models when you moved for college. The only thing you kept and brought with you to University was the orrery your last nanny gifted you for your fifteenth birthday. It sat pretty on your desk in your room, mocking your every move.

You were getting a business degree. You were majoring in Marketing. You're taking Spanish for the same reason Joshua did, to broaden your horizons, and make business boom. To feed the greed that festered in your parents, and give them what they want.

But…unbeknownst to them, you were also majoring in Physics. You wanted to give yourself the sliver of hope that they wouldn't actually want you to take over the firms, that you'd get to continue your education and get your doctorate. That you'd be a plasma physicist and watch everything happen in real time for space research, without having to leave Earth's surface.

Delusions, all of it.

"Welcome. You missed the first fifteen minutes." Soonyoung scoots over, offering you the lit joint between his fingers as you sigh. Taking it, you plop down on the couch cushion, your leg draped over the armrest. "Takes time to have a clean house, Hoshi." Saerom glances at you from her spot on the floor, her eyes unreadable as she blinks. She frowns slightly, returning her attention to the television. You can tell she feels uneasy about the entire situation. She's probably asking herself how she didn't catch on, or why she didn't ask.

And the truth is, you're kind of glad she didn't. Had she done so, you probably wouldn't have slept with him. You probably would've found out they were family and completely ghosted him, or at least told him that you were her friend. You would've let him down much more easily, instead of leaving Puerto Vallarta without saying goodbye and throwing your burner phone in the garbage at the airport.

Everything would have been different, you would have acted differently.

Nonetheless, you can't dwell on the past. You can't keep skipping Spanish, and you can't let your grades slip over some stupid summer hookup. What you can do is pretend it didn't happen. Pretend you've never seen him in the nude, pretend you don't know what his lips feel like. Pretend like he didn't affect you deeper than he did, because it wasn't just sex.

And you hate that it wasn't.

Monday, September 5th.

"You love me, Lee Chan!" You'd done it. You'd convinced him to join your class so you wouldn't be subjected to Joshua's nonexistent wrath alone. Seeing Chan leaning on the wall next to the door was a sight for sore eyes – even if he was trying to subtly flirt with Haerim.

"Y/N, you're going to scare the hoes!" He speaks through gritted teeth, allowing you to envelope him in a tight hug. "Ugh, you've saved me from a world of misery." "You're so needy." He mutters into your hair, making you pull away with a smug look on your face. "Well? Why is everyone out here?" "Professor Lee isn't here today. We're waiting for Joshua to get the door open." Haerim speaks as she locks her phone, shoving it into her pocket. She eyes you up and down, noticing the slight frown on your lips. "Why did you skip twice already? The semester just started." Grimacing, you make up a lie. "Prior commitments. Couldn't miss 'em." "Right…" She gives you a look of discernment before fishing her phone back out of her pocket. "I'm gonna skip, actually. You still have my number, right? Can you forward what you guys do today?" Upon seeing your nod, she gives you a lazy smile and worms her way through the crowd of students forming around the door. Everyone is whining and complaining, but you're now searching the hall to see if you can also make a run for it…

"Hey! So sorry, guys. Professor Lee just called me." A slightly disheveled Joshua appears behind a group of girls, holding up a set of keys. You look away, meeting eyes with Chan – who is squinting at Joshua as if he knew him. "Is that…Isn't he the Vice President of Beta Tau Omega?"nk

"Leave it up to one of my best friends to befriend the enemy." You scowl, before looping your arm in his to tug him into the classroom. The front few rows are already filling out, with Joshua regaining his composure at Professor Lee's desk. You and Chan make a beeline for the back of the classroom, taking the last two seats in the third row.

"I'm rushing this year, I need to know my higher ups." Chan whispers back, and the two of you whip your heads towards the front of the room at the sound of Joshua clearing his throat. "Sorry again, everyone. Unfortunately, a late start will be followed by a quiz." He winces as a collective groan follows his announcement, and you feel your stomach flip. You don't know enough Spanish to pass this class by the seat of your pants. You barely retained how to introduce yourself from high school. "Don't worry, since this is the first quiz of the semester, I'll go easy on you. Just some general conjugation, and it's to see where you fall on the scale." Joshua speaks confidently as he walks around the room, handing stacks of the quiz to the first person in the row. You feel your eyes glued to the floor as he holds the stack out for you to take, and you hate how your hand shakes as you do so.

What you hate even more?

"Nice to see you in class, Miss Y/N." He whispers, before crossing his arms behind his back and walking down the steps. Chan snickers next to you, earning a smack. "Not funny!" You grit, whacking him again with the stack of quizzes.

"Once you are done with your quiz, I will grade it. You may then leave for the day, because I really do not have the energy to think of anything else to be done." He's rubbing his temples, and you hear a few people sigh in relief.

"Easy money." Chan whispers to himself, before clicking his pen and beginning the quiz. You glance down at it, your lip tucked behind your teeth. The quiz seems standard – a few conjugations, a few multiple choice. One short answer at the bottom, asking you to describe what you did over the summer in Spanish.

"Fuck." You mumble.

You can't lie to yourself, you probably fucked yourself over by skipping those last two classes. They probably reviewed, took notes. Maybe even engaged in actual conversation with each other, with Professor Lee…with Joshua.

Nonetheless, you feel your skin crawl when you notice that you've spent so much time agonizing over this, that you're one of the last students left. Chan finished at some point and you didn't notice, because now he's waiting by the door for you. You feel your throat tighten, forcing you to zero in and just scribble an answer at the bottom of your quiz.

Grabbing your backpack, you fling it over your shoulder before trekking the steps, noticing Joshua giving you a warm smile.

"Miss Y/N." He greets, taking your paper. You give him a tight nod, before spinning on your heel to leave. You're barely two steps in the right direction when you hear him again. "Ah, ah, ah! We need to speak, Miss Y/N. Turn around." You're semi-grateful that the classroom is nearly empty, because you know you look embarrassed as you turn back around. "Yes, sir?" His smile drops as you stand in front of him, and he taps his pen on your quiz. "You missed two classes consecutively. Per the syllabus, you can only miss six classes per semester, and we don't accept late work. You can't excel in this course if you're not physically here, you know." He's not being a douche. You know he's not, but you can't help and slightly bristle.

"I had other matters to attend to, sir. I'll be on time for the remainder of the semester."

This doesn't seem to satisfy him, and his brows furrow slightly before he shakes his head, sighing. He turns your quiz over, the capital C minus grade in red ink. 

"I know you don't want to be here, it's clear in your attitude. However, if you intend to pass this class, you have to show up. My tutoring hours are on the syllabus, revisit them and send me an email when you get a chance so we can get you back on track."

Your mouth opens slightly, and Joshua gives you a rather stern look. "Don't. I'm trying to help you." "Yes, sir." You mutter. He tilts his head towards the door. "You can leave." Huffing, you storm out of the room and nearly shove Chan out of the way when you reach the door. "Woah, hey! Don't kill me, Y/N!" He grabs your elbow, and you groan loudly. "Dude, what's your deal?" Chan asks, taking hold of both your shoulders as the two of you round the corner out of the hallway. 

"My deal, Chan, is that I fucking slept with the TA over the summer! That's my deal, dude!" You throw your arms up in exasperation, and a lightbulb seems to go off in Chan's head as his mouth forms an O-shape. You lean against the brick wall of the building, slowly sliding down and covering your face with your hands. 

"You..fucked Joshua Hong." He speaks, and you let out another groan, similar to that of a goat. "Yes, Chan. I fucked Joshua Hong in Puerto Vallarta in a random villa on the beach." "Spare me the details, will you?" He grimaces, running a hand through his hair. He squats next to you, making you look up at him with his hand. He gives your look of defeat a laugh, a concerned smile remaining on his lips as he touches his head to yours. "Don't worry, Y/N. He won't be anything but professional, I promise you."

"How do you know?" You whine, Chan's smile of concern turning into one of reassurance. "He clearly takes his job seriously, and he could've told the entire frat by now. Joshua Hong banged the biggest chaebol on campus, Kang Y/N. Crazy." You can tell he's trying to make you feel better, but you already knew Joshua wasn't the type to kiss and tell. Tell anyone other than Saerom, of course – but the two of you didn't speak much over the weekend so you felt a bit down in the dumps anyway. You didn't have dinner together or even go on a morning coffee run like you usually did – choosing to rot in your own rooms until hunger forced you out.

"He's Saerom's cousin, Channie." You pout, allowing him to tug you up off the wall and fling his arm over your shoulders. He sighs, resting his head against yours before he speaks. "Well, it can't get any worse than this, can it?"

– ☆ – 

You scribble a reminder on a sticky note to kill Lee Chan for his earlier words – it has gotten worse.

You had forced yourself to review the syllabus upon returning home, especially after your Organic Chemistry professor informed everyone twenty minutes before class started that it was canceled. You then forced yourself to type out a concise and polite email to Joshua Hong, and you forced yourself to press send. 

Ten minutes later, you forced yourself to read his reply.

And now, fifteen minutes after reading it, you were parked in the lot, your head resting against your steering wheel as you repeated some positive affirmations. "I can do this, I can do this. He's gonna be professional, I'm going to fix my hours, and I'll be on my way home."

Hopping out, you make sure to press your keyfob twice to hear it lock. Breathing in deeply, you made your way towards the hallway, seeing a few stragglers still on campus. It was nearly six in the evening, so they were probably also in office hours. Seeing the small office come into view, you stare at the names on the bronze plaques. Wow, you think. How important.

Kim Namjoon…WED. 3PM-7PM.

Jennie Kim…THURS. 4PM-8PM

Joshua Hong…MON/TUES/FRI. 2PM-6PM

Jeon Soyeon…MON-FRI. 10AM-1PM, OCHEM II ONLY.

Sighing, you grabbed the doorknob and twisted, pushing it open to reveal Joshua speaking on the phone. His eyes dart to you, a hand to his chest before gesturing to the table in the corner. You roll your eyes, before shutting the door and flipping the sign that reads In Session.

"Yes ma'am…mhm…I will get that done." Joshua is pinching the bridge of his nose, making you snort to yourself as you sink into the surprisingly comfortable chair in the corner of the room. You set your backpack on the floor, pulling your laptop out and a notepad. Clicking a pen, you fold your hands in your lap, waiting for him to finish.

"Yes, I will see you on Monday, Professor. Alright, take care." He hangs up, taking a moment to process. He blinks twice, before shaking it off and opening one of the drawers. "Good to see you, Miss Y/N. This is the review that you missed on Wednesday, and you missed an oral introduction on Friday." Standing, he holds up a packet. "This is just verb conjugation. I was originally going to use this for extra credit, but seeing as you got the highest grade out of anyone in the morning session, I think it's safe to say you probably won't need it." You're silent as he hands it to you.

"You will have to make up for lost time here, so you can stay for…an hour today, and then you can make up the other two on Friday." He's checking the calendar by the door, taking a pen from his pocket to write it in. "Sounds good?" You don't answer, just nodding your head. He raises his brow at you, "Cat got your tongue?" Grimacing, you glance up at him. "Sounds fine, sir." He smiles a bit, before clicking his tongue. "Actually, just take it. You can go, Miss Y/N." 

He walks to the desk, shutting his laptop. Confused, you look at him. "You want me to go?" "I don't want you to be anywhere you don't want to be, even if it's for your own benefit. You can leave." He nods, sliding his laptop into his bag, zipping it up and hiking it over his shoulder. "I have a prior commitment I can't miss, so consider this a favor." Snorting, you just shake your head as you put your things away. "I don't need any favors from you." You mutter to yourself, and Joshua smiles brightly as he holds the door open for you. "Whatever helps you sleep at night, Miss Y/N. Have a good night." "You too." You grumble, pushing past him to see Jeonghan and Seungcheol leaning against the wall. Seungcheol is holding an extra cup in his hand, and Joshua just lets out a sigh before greeting them warmly. Unfortunately, they're walking in the same direction as you, so you reach into your hoodie pocket for your headphones – but not before you hear a low whistle. "She looks familiar."

You just shove your other hand in your pocket, wondering if they'll keep talking. Does the other one remember you? Do they know you slept with Joshua? Did he tell them? "It's funny to think you'd remember anyone, when you're one of the biggest whores on campus." One of them speaks, and you can hear Joshua laugh lightly. "She's my student, so shut up. Anyway, how'd things go with the new OChem professor? I heard he's a mess, canceling classes back to back." You decide to tune them out as you reach the end of the hallway, not wanting to entertain them as the parking lot comes into view. You can see from where you're standing that there is a ticket stuck under your windshield wiper, and you groan. "Son of a bitch."

Jogging over, you take it off and see that it's not actually a ticket, but a note from someone saying they hit your car. Gasping, you round your car and see a huge dent in your bumper, black paint scraped off and your tail light broken. "Motherfucker!" 

You can hear the trio of men getting closer, hearing the beep of the car next to yours as it unlocks. Scowling to yourself, you take your phone out to call your father. He should know what to do..right? His assistant picks up on the second ring. "Kang Enterprises, Gyuri speaking."

Sighing, you speak to her for a moment. She tells you he's in a meeting, and can't come to the phone at the moment. It's nearly seven at this point, what could he possibly have a meeting about? She says she doesn't know, but that your mother is also at the office and she's available. You reluctantly agree to speak to her, leaning your forehead against your rear windshield.

"Y/N? Why are you calling?" She sounds disinterested in whatever matters you may have, and you feel Jeonghan skirt past you as he rounds to the driver's side. "Sorry," He mumbles, and you scoff before moving out of the way. He grimaces before hopping in, and you can hear Joshua speaking to Seungcheol as he also rounds to the driver's side. 

"Hello, Mother. Someone hit the beamer–" You barely get the words out before she starts responding. Yelling, actually – and so loud you have to pull the phone away from your ear. Joshua is unfortunately hopping into the passenger seat, and he can see the look of defeat on your face. He gives you a sympathetic smile, and you frown before turning away.

You're still standing there as they pull out, but you've put her on speaker now. She's yelling about how irresponsible you are (and let's not forget you weren't the one who hit a car here) and that she can't believe you expect them to send you another. "I don't want another, I just want Daddy's advice on where to take it to get it fixed." "I don't care, Y/N. We'll get another one down there tomorrow. Just…be more responsible, will you?!" 

She hangs up, and you tongue your cheek so as to not cry in frustration. You don't want to drive the car home in this condition, you could get pulled over and then it's worse. Pulling up your messages, you scour who you could call. Chan is at a stupid pledge thing, you're not speaking to Saerom. Sighing, you quickly shoot Soonyoung a text, before calling the local towing company. They towed Chan's car last year when the two of you accidentally swerved into a fire hydrant trying to teach Nagyung how to drive.

Msg From: Soonyoung 🐯

[7:01PM] tf you mean someone hit ur car

[7:01PM] your PARKED car??? i'm literally in the shower, y/n

[7:03PM] ok uhh i think jun is on his way, if you wanna wait for him? if not i can finish up here in like 10 mins

Great.

Wednesday, September 7th.

"Shua." You hear Haerim speak from the front of the room. Your mother had angrily called you last night and said Gyuri would be dropping off your replacement vehicle today, so you were anything but focused until you heard the nickname slip from her lips.

"Haerim." He speaks, not taking his attention away from the corkboard he's putting up on the wall. It has Polaroids of all the students in your class and a few others you don't recognize. They probably took those on the days you weren't here.

"If you don't mind me asking, are you single? My friend drops me off on her way to French with Professor Bae and she thinks you're cute." Haerim is very casual with her conversation, making Joshua laugh lightly as he turns, holding a few thumbtacks between his fingers. "I am single, but I am unfortunately not on the market. Sorry to your friend, Haerim." She shakes her head, about to speak when you hear another person pipe up – Kim Myungjun, a guy you hooked up with at a sorority stoplight party your sophomore year. "How come? Did you get your heart broken or something?" Joshua smiles gently, sticking another Polaroid onto the board. He sighs, before turning back to face the room. "Something like that. I met a girl over the summer. Didn't end very well."

You can't believe your ears, and you can feel your eyes narrow as Chan shifts uncomfortably in his seat. You're willing to ignore it, until you hear Myungjun speak up. "Man, don't let that deter you from finding your soulmate! Love is everywhere, if we let one person dictate our confidence, we give their opinion value. I read that somewhere." Joshua nods, his smile never wavering, when he meets your eyes. His head tilts to the side, but he speaks while looking at you anyway. "I dunno, man. Something about that girl…she was different." Chan coughs awkwardly next to you, and you welcome the distraction as you tear your angry eyes away from Joshua's mischievous ones. You pat Chan's back, offering him a sip of your water bottle when Joshua returns to his conversation with Haerim (and apparently, Myungjun.) "Anyway…yeah. I'm alright for now." You spend the rest of the class with your face hidden behind your hair, studying the stupid Quizlet link Joshua had sent out last night. Professor Lee would finally be in this Friday, and she was expecting all A's across the board that day. You watch the clock on your phone, willing time to go faster with your mind.

The moment the clock strikes noon, you're out of your seat – only to hear Joshua call after you.

"Chan, Y/N, if the two of you could hang back for just a second." He says, as the students shuffle out. You glance at Chan, who has an unsettled look on his face. The two of you take the steps down quietly, waiting for everyone to file out when Joshua holds up the pink Instax camera. "You guys weren't here for class photos, so I just wanted to get those out of the way. Professor Lee uses them to remember names." Chan engages quickly, and you feel your phone buzz in your pocket.

Msg From: Jang Gyuri (K. Ent.)

[12:05PM] Miss Y/N, I am outside with your new vehicle. It seems I am on the West Campus.

Shit.

The panicked look on your face doesn't go unnoticed by Chan, even as he's blinking away the effects of the camera flash. "Are you okay?" "Gyuri is here, and she has my keys." You respond, clicking away on your phone when Chan covers the screen, wiggling his eyebrows at you. "I'll get them for you! Please, please, please—" "You're only asking because you think she's pretty." You roll your eyes, and Chan flashes you a mischievous smile. "Correction, I think she's beautiful. C'mon, I literally do everything for you!" "Fine, fine. Only because you make me feel guilty." Chan beams at you as he hitches his bag over his shoulder, the both of you completely forgetting this meant you'd be alone with Joshua. He calls over his shoulder that he'll wait for you in your new car, making you snort.

"You can stand right here." Joshua points at the small piece of tape on the floor. You grimace, sliding your bag onto Professor Lee's desk and fixing your shirt. "Your necklace is twisted," He speaks again, and you feel around for it.

"Here…can I?" He sets the camera down, and you give him a rather sour look before agreeing. "Fine." "No need to act like this, Y/N." His breath is minty, and it's softly hitting your skin as he works the clasp to the back of your neck. Your grandmother gave you this necklace. He knows, you told him about it tipsy off a mango margarita.

"She got me this on my tenth birthday. I have never taken it off.""She believed in you.""What a shame, right?"

His fingers linger on the glittering pendant, before centering it on your blouse. "Ready?" "What did you mean by different?" You blurt, and his eyes widen as he reaches for the camera. "What?" "You said I…nevermind. Just take the picture, I have somewhere to be." You force a smile, and Joshua gives you a questioning look. He positions the camera, but sighs. "Too forced. Just relax, Y/N."

Huffing, you soften your face, letting your cheeks reach your eyes as you smile gently. "Much better." He whispers, taking the photo quickly. You blink a few times, before reaching for your bag. "And Y/N?" "What!?" You gripe, and he smiles. "Not everything is about you, pretty." Rolling your eyes at the slight lurch in your stomach. Pulling your bag over your shoulder, you stop as he huffs. "Wait, it came out wrong. Can you stand here again?"

He flicks the faulty picture onto the desk, and you quickly position yourself in front of him again. You clear your throat, smiling again as you move your hair to your face – when you see him smiling tenderly behind the camera. "Why are you looking at me like that?" "Hm?" He snaps the photo, taking it as it prints and covering it with his hand from the light. "Nothing, you look a lot nicer when you smile." You don't reply, waiting silently to see if the photo develops nicely. He doesn't speak either, before flipping the photo. You're smiling back at him, and he holds it up. "Satisfied?"

"Yeah, whatever." You shrug, and he nods. He hands you your bag, and gives you a warm look. "Have a good day, Y/N." You hesitate, but take your bag. "You too."

– ☆ – 

"Hey, Shua."

He looks up to see Saerom standing in the doorway of his bedroom, her arms crossed as she drags the tip of her shoe against the hardwood.

"Hey! What are you doing here? And if you say you're here to see any of these perverts, I'm going to escort you out myself." She just laughs, shaking her head as she enters his bedroom. It's a bit larger than the others, and she flops onto his bed. "Why did you tell me you slept with Y/N?" Joshua chokes on his spit, coughing harshly in his desk chair. Saerom looks slightly amused as he regains his composure. "Just right out with it, huh?" "Well, she's my best friend. I don't know how I didn't know you were in Mexico, too. I literally watch your Instagram stories." Saerom pouts, and Joshua laughs. "Maybe because I like to live in the moment? I don't document every part of my life, Rom." "I mean, yeah, but still. And how did you guys even have time to meet? I was with her all the time." Saerom wails, making Joshua just shake his head. "She did mention she was on vacation with her best friend. She never mentioned your name, and we also hung out mostly at night. I'm assuming if you guys didn't share a room, you wouldn't have been able to notice, anyway." "We never share a room when we go on vacation together. We like our privacy." She rolls her eyes, and Joshua smiles knowingly. "I know, I was there with Cheol and Han, and I practically begged the front desk to get me one of the beach villas. I did not want to share a room with them, or whatever girl they managed to tag team."

"As your cousin, this is a weird conversation to have. As Y/N's friend, I feel awkward. We fought a bit, and I can't really talk to her knowing that you guys…did it."

"You're so…Okay." He snorts at her theatrics, before opening his laptop. He sees the photo he took of you in the corner of it, your smiling face peeking out at him. He shuts it quickly, having forgotten he took it with him. The photo developed after you left, so it's not like he lied.

"Anyway, she's such a cold person normally. It's hard to get in there." Saerom sighs, and he feels a pang in his chest. You'd opened up very quickly with him, but Saerom didn't know that – nor did she need to. "I guess it works, though, she can be personable when she wants to. Can't believe she wants to own that big ass company her father has. I'd cry myself to sleep if I had that much pressure on my shoulders." You're living such a double life and your best friend doesn't even know it. How can you hide those things from her? Do you fear being judged, or being seen as less than? Someone who can't handle the pressure of being the golden child, someone who can't hold a candle to her parents? Someone who disappoints.

"Yeah, me too."

Saerom keeps talking about you, but he can barely hear her. His phone is open in his lap, and he's staring at the message thread with your burner number.

Msg To: Y/N (PV)

[06/29] hey, this is joshua. [06/29] you left your number at my table.

Msg From: Y/N (PV)

[06/29] hi handsome ;) [06/29] are you free tonight?

He had been free.

He remembers the stupid white dress you wore when you met him at the salsa club. He remembers the confidence radiating off you when you asked the bartender for your drink. You made it evident you didn't need him, that you weren't looking for anything serious – but you slowly dropped the act. You let him in just a bit, you danced with him and you let him walk you down the beach to your hotel room.

You were the one who asked to sit on one of the hammocks on the beach. You were the one who asked him about himself, wondering what his own life was like. You encouraged him to dig deep and tell you his darkest secrets, assuring him you'd share your own as well.

Your life was much more intense than his. He was studying music, he was living it, breathing it, enjoying it. He wanted that, more than anything, and nothing was going to get in his way. But you…you wanted so much more than what you were told you could have.

You wanted to be more than your parents. You wanted to explore, you wanted to live. He remembers how sweet you were when he told you his dreams. how gentle you were when you voiced your opinion on them. He appreciated your honesty and your kindness, and he enjoyed your presence.  You…were more than just the intimacy. More than just the makeout sessions you initiated, including that night in the hammock. More than the way you made him chase you just enough. About as much as one can for a vacation fling, anyway.

"...And she makes the best bolognese, Shua. You'd love it." Saerom sighs, making him nod quickly. "I'm sure." "Anyway, I gotta go. I was supposed to pick up dinner, so I can extend the olive branch." She chuckles, getting off the bed. "I'll see you around, Shua." "Bye, Rom. Be safe, let me know when you get home." "Will do." Saerom exits his room, closing the door behind her. He opens his laptop, fishing the photo of you out of the corner and shoving it into his wallet. He should feel weird about keeping it, but that means a perfectly good photo is going to waste! It'll be safe in his wallet.

Unlocking his laptop, he sighs as he sees his email pinging him.

From: YNKANG@SNU.EDU

Subject: Office Hours

Sent: 10:32PM

Hello. I hope this email finds you well.

I am not able to attend Friday's office hours. I will also not be able to attend office hours next week, as I have prior commitments I must tend to. I know it is rather unorthodox, but would you be available tomorrow? I do not have classes after 1PM and I frankly don't need a language class to tarnish my perfect record.

Let me know if this works for you. Thanks.

Best,

Kang Y/N

010-1230-1995

Thursday, September 8th.

From: JHONG@SNU.EDU

RE:Subject: Office Hours

Sent: 11:21PM

Thank you for reaching out. I understand prior commitments can make attending office hours difficult. 

I am not able to promise availability for Thursday. Jennie Kim has the office, she is the TA for Professor Lee Chaerin in French II. This being said, I can accommodate in two ways.

I can give you an assignment to be turned in on Friday. You will have to come by the classroom to retrieve it. Or, you can get a study room in the library and I can offer two hours of my time for your use. Please email me back before 10AM if the latter is your choice.

Best,

Joshua Hong

010-9999-8212

Bad idea, Y/N.

Very, very bad idea.

You should have gone to pick up the stupid assignment. You should have picked up the stupid, fat packet he was going to torture you with to make you regret being a douche to him despite basically making the guy fall in love with you over the summer.

Instead, you suffer here. You suffer inside these four walls, with a freshly showered Joshua Hong standing in the doorway, his friends bidding him goodbye. Jeonghan and Seungcheol peer in, their eyes twinkling with something devious – making Joshua roll his eyes as he shut the door with his foot.

"Sorry about that, they're nosey." He's holding a basketball under his arm, backpack hiked over his shoulder as he walks around the room to settle at the table.You haven't spoken yet, just eyeing him down. "Your hair is wet." "Damp, not wet." He corrects you, opening his bag for his sweatshirt. "It's freezing in here, Jesus Christ." "Maybe wear a proper shirt next time." You roll your eyes, opening your laptop to see the digitals you had developed from your vacation. Saerom took a lot of them – you drinking out of a fresh coconut, you wearing a pretty pink dress to the beach, you in a new swimsuit you bought specifically for the trip. There were photos of the two of you together – one a little girl took of you having a picnic on the beach, another of the two of you getting matching tattoos on your ankles.

And one you took of Joshua.

You were sitting on him, right after the two of you woke up in your hotel room. The photo was taken from an odd over-head angle, but his smile was wide and so natural. You were making him laugh, you remember.

"Come on, just one picture!"

"You literally just pinched my leg to wake me up, give me a second!""God forbid a girl wants to wake you up. Come on, I leave in two days!"

You'd lied, you left that night. You dumped your burner in the airport trashcan, not bothering to read the few texts he'd sent you only moments earlier to your arrival there. They were gone forever – and you hadn't felt guilty then, not really. You knew you'd miss him a bit, you knew yourself that much.

You wouldn't have missed him at all if you knew that you'd see him again…for sixteen consecutive weeks. And possibly for the rest of your time on this campus. And possibly, the rest of your life, since you were best friends with Saerom.

The pictures haunt you a bit, you notice.

You're staring at them in silence, feeling a bit of anxiety crawl up your throat when you hear Joshua clear his own. "I brought a few assignments, in case you don't want to do…this." He gestures to the room, and you just shake your head.

"Paying for the class, I might as well try and get along with you." You mutter, clicking your tongue when the photo of Joshua comes back into circulation. "I'm going to the vending machine, do you want anything?" You abruptly get up, grabbing your wallet out of your bag and stalking to the door. He looks up at you, a soft look in his eyes as he shakes his head. "I'm okay." Nodding, you retreat to the vending machine down the hall. You're staring at the ground as you walk, fully expecting to have an uneventful trip not even ten feet away.

However, it seems that even that can't go right for you.

"Hey. You're Y/N, right?" Your head snaps up, seeing Seungcheol and Jeonghan at the vending machine. Your eye twitches a bit, and you clear your throat before nodding. "And you are?" Jeonghan gives you a knowing look, but entertains you. "I'm Jeonghan. This is Seungcheol." With pursed lips, you nod. "Uh, nice to meet you. You guys are in…Beta Tau, right? My friend is rushing it." You stand awkwardly, and Jeonghan gives you a slight smirk. "Yeah? Good luck to your friend, Y/N.' "Yah, don't be like that. Did you want the vending machine? We're still deciding." Seungcheol tugs Jeonghan back a bit, and you quickly feed in your change, pressing the buttons to get what you want. In your frenzy, you get two bottles of jasmine tea.

"Say, Y/N. How was your summer?" Jeonghan asks gently, and you feel your shoulders tense before you glance over with a scowl. "Is it really on your mind that much? I fucked your friend, so what?" "Wow, no need to get so feisty! Kitty has claws." He smiles, elbowing Seungcheol, who just pinches the bridge of his nose. "Whatever, man. God forbid a girl has fun on her summer vacation." You turn on your heel, walking back down the corridor and hearing Seungcheol scold Jeonghan behind you. You nearly rip the handle off the door of the study room, seeing Joshua standing in front of the whiteboard with a textbook draped open in his hand. He looks back to see your furrowed brows, and the two teas in your hand.

"Are you alright?" "Did you have to tell all your friends that we slept together? Because I didn't tell anyone. I didn't even tell my best friend, you told her. I'd appreciate if you would stop ruining my fucking reputation." You slam the bottles on the table, and Joshua gives you a surprised look. "What the hell are you talking about, Y/N?" "You know exactly what I'm talking about, Joshua. Your stupid friend just cornered me at the vending machine, asking me all these stupid questions like he knows something about me. Newsflash! He doesn't, and neither do you!" You sit with a huff, and Joshua's ears are slightly red as he tongues his cheek. He glances down at the textbook in his hand, closing it and sliding it onto the table. You don't bother looking up at him, hearing the jingling of the door before he speaks. "Excuse me."

The door shuts behind him, and you look up to see that he didn't take any of his things. Meaning that he'd be back, after doing God knows what, and you'd have to deal with it. Sighing to yourself, you rub your temples, wondering how things got like this.

The semester just started. You didn't have time for this.

Silently, you begin to pack up your things. Your laptop goes in the designated slot, your extra tea gets packed snugly into the front pocket. You click your tongue, about to get up when the door opens and Joshua emerges with Jeonghan in tow, looking like a kicked puppy.

Your brows nearly reach your hairline as Jeonghan shuffles forward. Joshua gives him a hard look. "Apologize."

Sucking his teeth, Jeonghan gives you a once over before speaking quietly. "I'm sorry that my assumptions and behavior made you uncomfortable, and it won't happen again." The hand gripping your backpack loosens a bit, and Seungcheol pops up from behind Joshua with a sheepish look on his face. "I'm also sorry, Y/N. I know this is an odd situation for the two of you, and our instigation doesn't make it any better." Your jaw is a bit slack, and Jeonghan looks at Joshua. "Can I go now?" "Did you hear her accept your apology?" He asks, and Jeonghan sighs. "I guess not." Blinking, you just give Jeonghan a thumbs up. "You're…you're good, yeah. Uh, don't worry about it. You either, Seungcheol." You look over Joshua's shoulder to the older man, who smiles in response.

"We'll get going, then. We've got a party to plan." Seungcheol says warmly,  and Jeonghan turns on his heel to exit the room. "I don't want to hear this shit from you guys again." Joshua mutters, all but slamming the door after them.

"You didn't have to do that." You mumble, and he looks at you with a scoff.

"Yes, I did. Whether we slept together or not is none of their business, and the only reason they know is because they were there. I don't need that being spread around campus or them being douchebags to you." He grabs the textbook again, uncapping the dry-erase marker before glancing at you. "Sit down, you've got me for two hours." You don't like the slight flutter in your stomach, or that your body involuntarily does as he says. You silently unpack your bag again, and he finishes writing example problems on the whiteboard. Feeling your stomach a bit uneasy, you uncap the tea to take a sip.

"Conjugation is very important. When I was grading your quiz, I noticed that was your biggest problem. I don't know how you got a B, really, when most of that quiz was conjugations, but I digress. Can you do these for me?" He holds out the marker, an expectant look in his eyes.

"Sure."

Friday, September 16th.

It'd been a little more than a week since you met with Joshua in the library.

And since the two of you officially acknowledged that you'd slept together. What you didn't know was, while he was having his own feelings about the history that weighed the two of you down, he wasn't going to force you to return his affections. In fact…he even felt a bit silly, liking you so much off of three weeks of getting the full experience of…well, you.

Better yet, he wasn't even going to tell you there are any residual feelings on his end. If he knew anything, it was you and your type. If he came off too strong – flowers, a date, chocolates and the like, he'd scare you off even more. You were skittish, like a deer, and he had to either slowly gain your trust…

Or irritate the living hell out of you every chance he got.

Subtle flirting, double entendres, maybe the occasional lingering look. He knew that if he wanted a chance, and man did he want it – he was going to have to work for it. No problem, though. You were definitely worth the wait.

"So, as you can see, the proper conjugation is hablar, not hablando." His laser pointer is steady at the bottom of the projector screen, and he looks up to see half of the class staring intently and the other half jotting down notes. You were neither of the two – your head was resting on Chan's shoulder, eyes low. He cleared his throat, your head jumping up and a wince crossing your features.

Joshua knew Chan was really no threat. The fraternity really liked him, and he was set to move in this weekend. According to Chan's Instagram story, you'd been at his dorm the night before helping him pack up. Saerom had also been there, and Soonyoung – another Beta Tau member. You had been holding a can of Red Bull and in one of the following videos, you were shotgunning another.

"Any questions?" He calls out, and Haerim shoots her hand up. "Yes, Haerim?" "Since this is a conversational class, how would we ask someone out? Or, for their number?"

The classroom fills with childish snickering, and Joshua just smiles as he shakes his head. "Well, I-" "I don't think this is an appropriate question, to be honest." Your voice is heard from the back of the classroom, and Haerim turns in her chair, a wicked smile crossing her lips as Joshua rounds the desk, perched on the edge of it. "And why not, Y/N?" She asks, and Joshua can see you shift uncomfortably in your chair.

"This is Beginner Spanish Conversation, not Coffee Meets Bagel. Flirt on your own time, at your own pace." You scoff, and Haerim's smile only grows wider. It's like she knows something about you, and Joshua notices you begin to bristle slightly. "Why are you so uptight about it, Y/N? It's just a question." "I'm paying for this class, as is everyone else. I think I'd like to appreciate my money's worth by learning something I'll actually use." "Alright, ladies. Honestly, Miss Y/N is partially correct. This is not Café y Rosquilla, but I do think that this is…a learning moment. Asking someone out does involve conversation, you know." Joshua attempts to diffuse, but he can see your subtle annoyance at his siding with Haerim. "So, for example, if I wanted to ask out…" He looks around the room, before a flash of diablerie crosses his eyes. "If I wanted to ask out Miss Y/N, I'd have to make conversation. I'd say…eres muy bonita." "Yeah?! What else?!" You hear Myungjun shout from the far left side of the room, and you can feel Chan's knee bumping yours. You scowl at him, earning a smile as he hides in his hoodie. "I'd say…" Joshua scans your face, and he knows you're probably embarrassed. Embarrassed, but enjoying his subtle attention. He pushes off the desk, pacing in front of the students. "Hm, I'd probably say I like her dress, or me gusta tu vestido."

He watches you cross your legs, tucking the extra fabric of your black dress under your thighs. "Okay, but how do you ask her out!?" Haerim interrupts excitedly, and Joshua is on the first step of the stairs before he catches your eyes again.

"You don't just ask someone out flat out like that. You build repertoire, you make conversation." He rolls his eyes playfully, and you think you're about to get off without any further embarrassment when you hear Chan speak up next to you. "How much repertoire can you even build at this point? Psychology says it only takes two minutes to decide if you like someone." Joshua sees you gape at Chan, before pinching his bicep. Chan pouts in your direction, rubbing his arm as Joshua holds back a laugh. "Psychology also says that there are five components to figuring out if we will have a crush on someone. Physical attraction, proximity, similarity, reciprocity and familiarity. Miss Y/N is very pretty, so physical attraction is checked off. Proximity is also checked, as we see each other three times a week for this class." "What about similarity?" Myungjun pipes up again, making you sink lower in your seat. Joshua is enjoying making you squirm a bit, and he steps up a few more. "Hm, I think that's something I'd have to figure out. Tell me, Miss Y/N, do you enjoy…long walks on the beach?" Your eyes are full of fire, and you'd be almost scary if he didn't notice the way your lip wanted to twitch into a smile. Haerim shouts for you to answer the question, making you send her a scornful look – and she just sticks her tongue out at you like a child. "I do…enjoy long walks on the beach."

"What a coincidence, so do I! Now, we have a similarity. Miss Y/N is familiar, because again, I do see her quite often. Now, it's about reciprocation. This is when you ask the question, this is when you try and make a move." "Shua, how do we make the move!?" Chan asks, and you kick his shin, about to tell him to shut up when Joshua finally reaches your row. He's looking you dead in the eyes, his hand gently wrapping around the edge of your desk. He leans forward, and you can hear the stupid woo-ing of your classmates. "Señorita Y/N, ¿le gustaría salir conmigo?"

Somehow, this all feels like some stupid romcom for the both of you. The class is egging you both on, and Chan is next to you with the most idiotic smile you'd ever seen. You huff, the class is now chanting for you to agree to said…"fake" date.

"No." You say quietly, and Joshua feigns pain. He holds his hand to his heart, a pained expression on his face. "You wound me, Miss Y/N."

He turns to the class, all of which are giving you the dirtiest look ever. "Now, now. This was just an example, don't look at her like that." He scolds, and the class turns back to face the front as he barrels down the steps, checking his watch. 

"Shit, it's already ten past noon. You guys are free to go, and if any of you are taking Psych with Professor Seo Jungkwon, tell him I fulfilled his lecture for the day." This earns a laugh from the class, except you. You're angrily stuffing your laptop into your bag, the class eagerly exiting the room. Chan is holding your arm, apologizing most likely, but you don't seem like you want to hear any of it. By this point, Chan looks a bit like a kicked puppy as he quickly takes the steps down, with you following slowly behind him.

Chan is out the door by the time you make it to the last step, and the classroom is empty.

You arms are crossed as you approach the desk, where Joshua is quietly shutting down the projector. His eyes don't meet yours as he disconnects the machine from the wall, winding the cord up to tie together. "Y/N." He calls gently, and you huff angrily. He bites back a smile.

"Why do you insist on embarrassing me? The first week, it was you running your mouth to my best friend. Last week, you practically held Jeonghan at gunpoint to apologize to me. Today, it's putting me on blast in front of an entire classroom with people I will continue to see for the rest of the year."

"Oh? Was it embarrassing?" He's nonchalant as he looks up, tucking the wrapped cables behind the projector. Your eyes are narrowed, and it seems you've caught onto his little game. "Do you get off on this or something? Knowing you fucked one of your students?" "Hm, not necessarily. And none of what was done was done to embarrass you, per say. It's just decent honesty, and we both know you deserved an apology for Jeonghan's behavior." He states matter-of-factly, making you purse your lips. "What about your behavior? You asked me out in front of all these people!" You gesture to the empty room, and Joshua gives you a small smile. "And you rejected me in front of all of those people. The way I see it, it's a teaching moment."

He's on the same side of the desk as you now, resting against it as you complain. HIs smile seems to be getting under your skin, because you grab his shirt by the collar, pulling his face close to yours before you speak through gritted teeth. "Use someone else as your stupid guinea pig. I don't want to be with you, Hong." You're holding him so close, your lips just barely brushing his. He can't help but scan your face quickly, his hand reaching to brush a stray curl off your face. Your eyes follow his fingers, feeling them tuck the hair behind your ear before he swallows carefully. You can feel your stomach flip slightly as his hand drops, ghosting over your hip as he pushes off the desk, making you slightly stumble back. His fingers grab you gently, pulling you flush to him before his nose is touching yours. "Tell me you don't want me," He whispers, his breath hitting your lips making your lashes flutter closed as you press your lips to his. A whimper escapes his throat as he kisses you back, his grip tightening as your hand lets go of his shirt, your palm resting against his stomach as your other hand holds his waist. The kiss is slow but desperate, your tongue licking into his mouth in the way that drove him crazy over the summer. 

He can't help himself, his hand moving to tangle in your hair, moving his lips down your jaw and exposed neck. A sharp inhale from you as he reaches one of the many sweet spots he'd discovered, a soft whine sounding in his ears making him feel dizzy as he nips at your skin. Pulling back, he holds your face close to his as he speaks again. "Tell me you don't want me, and we can stop this right now. I'll be nothing but professional for the rest of the semester."

He can tell that wasn't what you were expecting. Your eyes are wide and full of mixed emotions, but overall, they flash with a bit of fear. "I…" Your hands move to rest on his hips, a frown on your lips as you let go, and he does the same. His arms cross with an expectant look on his face, and you grimace.

"Stop embarrassing me in front of people, and if you don't have a good reason to talk to me or be near me, don't engage at all." 

He gives you a nod, his smile reappearing as he reaches to wipe your lip gloss from his lips. "That being said, I'm guessing you will not be attending office hours tonight?" Huffing, you look away. "No. I have to help Chan move into the frat house with you and your hooligan friends."

"So I'll see you tonight anyway." He speaks with a grin, and you tongue your cheek. "Leave me alone, Joshua."

You spin on your heel, but his arm is on your elbow before you can walk away. He pulls you back, pulling you into a hug, pressing his lips to your hairline as you hesitantly wrap your arms around him. He speaks against your hair, "One more. For the road."

"Joshua." You groan, trying to hide the giddy feeling spreading in your stomach. He smiles at you, planting a kiss to the tip of your nose. "Just one, and I'll let you slam out of here like we were arguing."

You roll your eyes, but let him slot his lips with yours, the minty taste of him still lingering from the previous kiss. This one is much gentler, the warmth of his body against yours comforting as he pulls away with a chaste kiss. And another. And another.

"You said one." You grumble, swatting at his side to make him let you go. He smiles, his thumb coming to wipe at your lips. Your lipgloss is gone entirely, just glitter remaining. "Mmh. I'll see you later." "Whatever." You pull away from him, and he watches as you slam your way out of the classroom, a few students from your class still lingering in the hallway catching his eye. They look questioning, but he just shrugs as the door closes. He sighs as he looks around the empty lecture hall, a glimmer on the third step up calling his eyes. 

Making his way towards the steps, he sees the gold plating of a seven-pointed star, a message engraved in the back. 

For my brightest star, Y/N.

Picking it up, the diamonds mock him.

He feels slightly stupid to think this is fate, while knowing that once you realize it's gone, you'll be panicking. It seems nothing is really going right for you these days – your car being hit, fighting with Saerom, not being able to stand your ground against him…and now your necklace is 'gone'. He wants to be selfish and say it's because you're being a bit of a jerk to him.

So he'll believe that.

– ☆ –

"Chan! It's not here!"

Your hands feel disgustingly dry, having practically ripped apart every cardboard box you helped him pack. You'd managed to haul everything from his dorm to the fraternity house a few blocks down, having begged Saerom and Soonyoung to help you steal a flatbed from the construction majors. The three of you were helping Chan unpack a box of his underwear when you swiped your hair back from your neck, not feeling the chain of your necklace on your skin.

The four of you had stopped unpacking the moment you started panickedly patting yourself all over, and even standing up to shake off your shirt and hair. Now surrounded by a few of Chan's blankets, you were doing all but ripping up the carpet in the bedroom to find your cherished gift.

"It's not in the hallway! Going downstairs!" You hear Saerom call, and Chan is emerging from the bathroom with his flashlight on. "I swear you had it on when we fought earlier."

"Fuck, what if it fell off there?" You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to remember if you felt anything off after leaving the room. People stared at you as you barreled out of the language hall, you kissed Joshua…

You kissed Joshua.

"I'm pretty sure I had it on when I left! Remember, I even changed clothes when I got home so I wouldn't dirty my dress helping you move. I swear I felt it!"

At this point, you're shaking your hair out once more and Chan is throwing ripped cardboard into the hallway, hitting a passing Joshua. "Ouch!"

"Shit, sorry!" Chan winces, and Joshua scours the room, before his eyes land on you. Your hand is gently patting at your chest, where your necklace would usually sit as you shake out your sweater. He gives Chan a look, making him look back at you. Joshua glances at the cardboard boxes on the floor, and Chan gets the hint.

He clears his throat, garnering your anxious attention, "I'm going to take these down to recycling, and I'll check outside, okay? Just keep looking in here, it's gotta be somewhere."

Your eyes are slightly wild, and you just nod as you begin to shake Chan's blankets. A pair of underwear falls out, making you huff as Chan exits his room. Joshua leans on the doorframe, watching as you move around calculatedly. "What's got you so frantic?" You look over your shoulder, now squatted over a pile of shirts. "Why is it any of your business?"

He sucks his teeth, hands resting in his hoodie pocket. "Maybe I can help you? Ever think that I'm not out to get you like some sort of Boogeyman?" Your shoulders sag in defeat, and you just beckon him into the room. "Shut the door." You mutter, and he does just that before squatting in front of you, his ringed fingers splayed across the shirts in your hands. 

"Shake these off." 

"For?" He asks, but takes the first one and does as you ask. You feel a tear threaten to escape, but blink rapidly as he takes the next shirt. "Just do it." He does, but by the fifth shirt, he looks up at you. "You know…if you tell me what you're looking for, I may be able to help further." He says it like he knows something, and you just roll your eyes as you move onto the stack of Chan's sweatpants. "I lost my necklace, okay? I can't find it."

Stopping his movements, he smiles at you. "Hm, any idea where?" "No." You sigh, shaking off another pair of pants. A dollar bill floats out of the pocket, but neither of you bother to touch it as it floats down to the carpet. "I think you're wasting your time looking in here, actually." You look at Joshua, who is now moving to stand up. Scanning his face, your eyes narrow. "Where is it?" Stretching, he extends a hand to help you up. You scowl, getting up on your own as he shrugs. "Come on." He walks towards the door, flinging it open as two of the members run past with a basket full of eggs. "You better not be throwing those in here!" He barks, and their giggles only get louder as they barrel down the stairs.

He leads you to his bedroom, leaving the door ajar for you to close as you enter. 

Your eyes scan the bedroom – it's very…serene. It's bigger than Chan's, and the bed is right under the window. There is sheet music pinned up to a corkboard above his desk, a few guitars propped up against the wall. His walls are covered in photos of him and his friends, and you spot one of him and Saerom as kids pinned higher on the wall than the rest. There is a small bookshelf, with a Bible and a few candles on top of it.

You're standing at the foot of this bed when you feel his hands on your neck, making you jump slightly. "Relax." He murmurs, the cool metal of your necklace making you shiver slightly.

"I found it on the steps in the classroom. Your clasp broke, so I took it to my friend in town. She's a jeweler, and she fixed it. I have the original clasp, in case you wanted to keep it." He holds up a plastic baggie, no bigger than the palm of his hand. You turn to look at him, your hand ghosting around for the star that hands in the middle of your chest.

"I should have texted, or emailed, at the very least. I just figured, I'd see you anyway—" "Thank you." You interrupt, your arms instinctively enveloping him into an embrace. You squeeze slightly, his own hands hovering over your back before touching you gently. "You're welcome." Without moving away, you speak into his sweater. "I'm sorry I've been such a douche to you lately."

He laughs a bit, his chest moving against your cheek. "Yeah…you have been. I'll send your parents an invoice for emotional damage." His fingers are rubbing circles in your back, and you hate that he knows you joke about your parents' emotional unavailability. Biting back a laugh, you push off him. Your hands linger at his sides, and he tilts his head.

"I meant what I said, you know." He states, and you glance up at him with a quizzical look on your face. "What?"

"That if you don't want to do…whatever this is, I'll leave you alone. I'll be professional for the rest of the semester." He gestures between the two of you. You don't look as taken aback as you did in the classroom, but a scoff does escape your lips as your arms fold across your chest. 

"Okay? What does that have to do with now?" He steps a bit closer, making the back of your knees hit his bed. You sit out of instinct, watching as he runs his hand through his hair. He's so handsome.

"It has everything to do with you, and your general existence. Your best friend is my cousin. You're friends with Soonyoung, Jun and Chan, and they're all members of my fraternity. You're a student in a class I assist, we're going to be around each other no matter our feelings about each other." He's not really giving you an out of this conversation.

"I know you don't like that I told Saerom about what happened between us during the summer, and I want to apologize for telling her in the first place. It just slipped out, and I am sorry." He speaks sincerely, and you blink up at him before scooting slightly back on his bed, crossing your legs. He takes this as a sign to continue.

"I also want to say that what happened between us doesn't have to mean anything to you, at all." He shifts uncomfortably, making your eyes narrow. "I know it was just a fling, and I'm probably just confused about my feelings." 

You hate the way tears prick at your eyes, before he spins his desk chair out, sitting down and leaning forward.

"I wanted to ask if you want to be transferred out. I have the transfer form ready, there is a spot in Professor Yoon Mirae's class. She said she'd gladly take you if that was the case." Your head snaps up at this, his eyes boring a hole into the pictures on the wall. "You…want to transfer me out?"

He stares at his fingers, toying with one of his rings as he replies. "I think it would be best for you. It only meets twice a week, and you'd probably get along better with Somin." He looks up at you, and you don't know what expression is on your face for him to immediately soften. "You don't want to?" "I think you…" You swallow thickly, scooting towards the edge of his bed, moving to stand up. "I think we need to forget that anything even happened between us." You whisper, and you can see hurt lace his eyes before he clears his throat, looking away from you as he nods. "Right." "I don't want to hurt you, Joshua." You fake confidence, noting the way he blinks rapidly, before standing up. "You're not hurting me, Y/N. We fucked over the summer. It's not like we dated."

You wince at his use of words. "Yeah, but–" HIs hand pushes the baggie with your clasp in it into your hand, "Don't worry about it, Y/N. I'll see you in class on Monday." Your fingers instinctively close around his, moving to squeeze his hand before he pulls it away. You stare up at him, feeling your face slightly burn in humiliation. You know that he's sensitive, and that the kiss earlier today probably meant a lot to him. Why is he acting like this? Like you didn't open up to him and tell him everything you couldn't even tell your best friend, like you didn't sleep with him for three weeks straight before leaving Puerto Vallarta.

You remember Chan's words…something something forming a crush in two minutes. 

What can happen in three weeks?

"Was that all it was for you?" You ask gently, watching as he turns away from you. "I really don't want to have this conversation right now." He mumbles, pinching the bridge of his nose and walking towards the door. He tugs his hoodie off, the white muscle tank showing off his broad shoulders. Shoulders you dug your nails into that summer, and you can see the remaining faint lines from you trailing down his back. 

"Was it just sex?" You ask again, and he sighs. "No. It wasn't."

He hangs the hoodie up on the hook behind the door, and you take a step to him. "Then why are you acting like this?" He turns to look at you, eyes wide with incredulity. "Me?! Why are you acting like this? For almost a month you couldn't keep your hands off me, you couldn't stop talking about hating your life here, and suddenly, through whatever force of the universe, we're both stuck in this life that you dread. Excuse me if my best effort isn't enough for you." Eyes narrowed, you can feel your stomach bubble with a bit of anger. "There's no way you're the same guy I fucked for three weeks, Joshua. We were on vacation in a foreign country. I was telling you everything about me because I wasn't worried about ever seeing you again." "No, you did that because you're a liar." He mutters, making you suddenly feel a lot smaller than usual. "I am the exact same person I was then, Y/N! I'm not like you, I can't just flip-flop between two personalities. I can't lie to everyone that I care about just because I'm too afraid to stand up to my parents. You're doing yourself a disservice." 

He's breathing heavily, and you can feel the tears threatening to spill from your eyes. Your pride is stronger, though, and you let out a humorless laugh. "I'll see you on Monday."

You shove past him, throwing his door open and slipping out before you slam it with all your might. You see Jeonghan carrying a basket with Chan's name on it down the hall, his eyes wide as you storm past him.

"Are you o-" "Fuck off." You spit, not bothering to swing back into Chan's room for your stuff. Saerom could bring it home, or leave it there, you don't really care. All you really know is that this place has got to be the most suffocating you've ever felt.

Wednesday, October 12th.

It'd been almost a month since you'd last spoken to Joshua.

You weren't in class the following Monday, having instead driven out to one of your mother's properties. You stayed the weekend there, and only drove back in the middle of the night on Tuesday. Professor Lee emailed you, and so did Joshua – though his was very much a copy-paste email. You didn't seek him out, you didn't speak to him. He didn't even attempt to make eye contact, almost always being the first to exit the classroom. You didn't even really talk to Chan or Saerom since you'd helped him move into the frat house, and you could tell they were growing worried about you.

Especially Saerom, as she heard Wherever You Will Go by The Calling play through your speakers almost everyday since. You played this song the first time the two of you went on vacation together, you were nineteen and your grandmother had just passed away that past November.

You didn't have time to worry about their feelings, though, as you parked your car in the lot, Chan silently unbuckled his seatbelt. It was nine-forty-six in the morning, and the two of you sighed simultaneously. "Want to take the long way? We've got fifteen minutes." You check your watch, and Chan gives you a slight nod. "Sure." The long way was walking around the language building into the technology hall – and Chan decided now would be a good time to update you on how Jeonghan and Seungcheol had an ongoing prank war with Mingyu and Wonwoo. It apparently wasn't going to end this weekend, and the reason? Beta Tau Omega was notorious for holding the best Halloween ragers. They held the largest one every year, with the other frats on campus stumbling to be pre-game parties and sororities simply giving up and going to the parties instead of hosting. The problem here was sourcing – Seungcheol, Jeonghan and Joshua planned the party every year, including the random Jell-O wrestling and drinking contests. The liquor was never-ending, and the clean-up after was a mess (and at the hands of the newest members.)

This year, Mingyu insisted that he and Wonwoo could plan an even better party than the trio – hence, facing the wrath of practical jokesters Seungcheol and Jeonghan. Joshua insisted he wasn't involved in this, and would help either duo with the planning if necessary.  

"Are you even listening?" You hear Chan snap his fingers in your face, and you blink at him. "Yeah, sorry. Planning?" He begins to speak again, allowing you to loop your arm with his and rest your head on his shoulder when you look up – and see Joshua leaning against the wall, twirling a strand of Baek Hyejin's hair. She was the Organic Chemistry TA, you got your labs graded by her. She was always very sweet.

You can feel eyes on you as you and Chan walk in lockstep down the stairs, and you see Joshua staring at you as Hyejin speaks to him. Nodding along as if he's listening, as if he cares. You scoff inwardly, shaking your head as you force your eyes forward, ignoring the sinking feeling in your stomach.

It doesn't even matter. You don't like Joshua, and you wouldn't date him, either. You had too much to lose.

Seeing as you drove down to one of the properties, you met with your mother, as well. Your Saturday was spent in your mother's office, designing a new building with her to place on one of her newest properties down south. "You're going to manage this one first. The other tenants don't know you yet, and you'll have to ease into getting them to like you."Your father wasn't around the entire weekend. Your mother sighed repeatedly over dinner, before ultimately abandoning her plate at the table and whisking herself away with a bottle of Merlot. You didn't ask many questions, but you do remember walking by her study before going to the guest bedroom and hearing her on the phone, presumably with her sister.

"I wonder when she's going to get married. He can't be some random guy…do you still keep in touch with the Mins? Maybe Yoongi is willing this time." You hadn't even graduated yet, and she was already trying to pawn you off. Your father had stated strictly that he didn't want you to marry until you were firmly situated within the companies he owned, and your mother constantly bickered against it. No one ever asked you what you wanted.

Not that it mattered, anyway.

"...And so, Mingyu had to wash flour out of all his bedsheets. I think we'll have to get a new washing machine." Chan sighs as the two of you turn into the language hall, and you grimace. "You probably will, that shit sticks like glue." "Yum, gluten patterns." Chan laughs as you shiver, walking into the classroom. Somehow, Joshua is already there, making your grip on Chan's arm tighten a bit. He gives you a concerned look, but allows you to pull him slightly closer to you as you climb the steps to your regular seats in the corner.

"Good morning, everyone!" Joshua calls with a smile, and you hear the majority return the greeting as you and Chan situate yourselves. Crossing your legs, you face forward to see Joshua holding up a three-page packet. "There is a quiz!" A collective groan echoes the room, and Joshua gives a sorry grin. "I know, I know. However, it is an open-note quiz! Feel free to use your notes, and there is no time limit, even if you go over the noon end of the class. Take your time, and you can leave right after you're done." The class just fills with murmurs as everyone begins fishing through their bags for their notebooks, but you made no effort to do so as Joshua began walking around to distribute the papers. He hands two to Chan, who passes you yours and you notice the way Joshua's eyes linger to Chan's jacket on your shoulders before going back down the steps.

"I'll be grading these tests over the next two days, and I'll submit your grades by Thursday night. That way, we can review on Friday and you can attend office hours later that day if you're not satisfied with your grade or just feel like you need a little more help. Sounds good?" He asks, and earns a resounding yes from the class.

Time seems to be dragging on as you carefully read and re-read every question, hoping that your lack of notes won't fuck you over. You remember Chan giving you shit last week for only taking notes on your laptop – and you probably should have listened to him when he told you. Why? Because now you're without notes and you're possibly a little more than screwed, you've only been studying for your other classes.

Your 'how hard can it be?' mindset was now biting you in the ass.

You glanced up to the clock, seeing that there was fifteen minutes to noon – and three students remained aside from you and Chan. Clearing his throat, Chan inched his notes closer to the edge of his desk, making you kick his foot to move them back. He huffed, closing the notebook and standing. He tucks it into his backpack before hiking it over his shoulder, whispering that he'd meet you at the cafe as you'd planned last night. You nod, blowing him a joking kiss before hearing Joshua clear his throat.

The two of you look up, seeing the assistant with a raised brow, beckoning Chan towards the front. Chan gives you a small smile, before making his way to the front. You can hear them whispering at each other, and another two students stand up. You can feel a bit of nervousness sinking into your stomach as the last student stands as well, her bag on her shoulder as she drops her test on Joshua's desk. They chat for a bit, and you hate how you can hear his smile.

"B plus, way to go, Jiwoo. Keep this up, you'll get an A on the final!" He cheers, and she gives him a thumbs up before prancing out of the room. You feel small in the giant room, and Joshua sighs as he leans back in his chair. His laptop is out, and you assume he's going to start inputting grades.

Instead, you hear soft music flowing from the laptop as he starts moving around, grabbing the broom from the corner of the room. "Let me know if it bothers you, I'll turn it down." He speaks, and you just wave him off without looking at him.

You're staring at the stupid question for five minutes before huffing, not knowing why the difference between the subjunctive and the indicative mood even matters for this class. (Yes, you do. You're just being stubborn because you don't know the answer and it bothers you.) "Having trouble?" Joshua calls from the front, a smile on his face as he texts someone back on this phone. Probably Hyejin.

Probably planning a stupid date at a stupid restaurant where they'll order stupid dishes. Probably staring at each other like idiots and liking each other so much that nothing seems to satisfy their carnal needs–

You stop scribbling on your paper, blinking at your sudden train of thought. Why do you even care? Why does it even matter who he's texting, and what he's doing after this? Why? "Y/N?" He calls gently, and you look up to see a worried look on his face. "You okay? Thinking kind of hard, aren't you?" You huff, grabbing your bag by the strap and slightly crumpling your paper as you grab it. Your anger seems to radiate off you as you rush down the steps, nearing the desk with a sour look on your face. "So much for taking my time, huh?" He gives you a small frown, holding his hand out for your quiz. "I wasn't rushing you, just asking if you're alright. Your face was scrunched for twenty minutes." You know it was. You can still feel the tension between your brows as you rub it gently, a pout on your lips as you hand him the paper. "Yeah, well…your job isn't to stare at me. See ya."

"Hmm, but I like staring at you." He hums, uncapping his pen with his teeth as you make your way to the door. "Have a good day, Y/N." You hate the sing-song of his voice.

– ☆ –

The cafe had been super packed, so you and Chan decided to take your drinks to go. Unfortunately, Saerom was holding a study group at the apartment, so your only option was Chan's room at the frat house. You begrudgingly let him try to cheer you up as you sulked up the stairs to his room, holding your drink as Chan carries your bag for you.

"You know, one of the brothers thought we were dating? They asked me after I left Spanish earlier." He ponders aloud, and you snort. "Yeah, I can see why. I do get…pretty affectionate." You reply sarcastically, taking his hand in yours for extra emphasis.

He rolls his eyes as the two of you reach the top floor, and he fishes his keys out as you continue to tease him. "I'd never date you, you're a snotty-nosed brat. I bet you don't even know how to kiss." He sticks his tongue out at you, making you gape.

"I may be a snotty-nosed brat, but I'm a great kisser. Not that you would know, you've never felt the touch of a woman." You bite back, making him gasp. "I have too felt the touch of a woman! You literally took my-" He cuts himself off, looking over your shoulder down the hallway. You furrow your brows, looking over to see Joshua whispering sweet nothings in Hyejin's ear as he hugs her, and her giggles as she brushes her nose against his.

"I'll see you later?" He mumbles, eyes low as he nearly kisses her. She giggles again, before placing her manicured nail on his chest. "Bye, Joshie." "Bye." He smiles, letting her spin out of his arms, watching as she walks down the hall to the stairs. Only then does he notice that you and Chan are standing there, and his face flushes lightly. "Hey, guys. Sorry you had to see that." "Don't be." Chan nods awkwardly, his hand finding your hip to pull you into his bedroom. You grimace in Joshua's direction, before skirting into Chan's room. Chan lingers at the door, before sighing, and entering his room.

"Don't be upset, Y/N." He murmurs as you kick your shoes off, setting your drink down on his desk and shrugging off his jacket. "I'm not upset." You mutter, grabbing your bookbag and pulling out your laptop.

"I can tell you are." He sighs, slipping his shirt over his head, and opening his drawer to reach for a new one. "He's just our TA for a little longer, then we'll both pass the class and get the hell out of there." You look over your shoulder as he pulls a new shirt over his head, rolling your eyes. "It doesn't matter. He's gonna fuck who he wants to, so all I can do is the same." "Y/N, I am only a man." He gives you a warning look, and you snort. "Not you, you rabid dog." "Hey! I've gotten better! I even invented a stroke, I call it the helicopter." He moves his hips in a circular motion, making you shriek out a laugh. "You're a fucking freak."

"I'm just saying, I'm available. If not, I heard that Myungjun is still into you." He shrugs, taking a sip of his drink. You wrinkle your nose, taking a seat on his bed. "Hell no. He likes to talk about his hookups, I don't like blabbermouths." "Then you're fucked, Y/N." He smiles, taking a seat at his desk. "But, I have a proposition." "Chan, if it involves your dick anywhere near me, I'm going to kill you." "You liked it the first time!" He throws an eraser at you, and you snicker. "I didn't know any better then. Anyway, I see the way you look at Haerim. You're not slick." You wag your finger at him, and he flushes lightly.

"So my plan is, I let you act a fool in here and make it seem like we're fucking, and you have to help me get Haerim. Tit for tat." He points his pen at you, and you scoff. "That is so not tit for tat! Haerim is a distinguished young woman, she'd never go for a gremlin like you." "Hurtful!?" He slumps in his chair, making you snicker. "I appreciate your help, Channie. But really, I don't care. It's his life." You shrug, and Chan knows you're lying. "I'm gonna get some water, I'll be back."

You hop off the bed, smoothing your skirt as you open the door. "Can I also steal snacks?" You ask, and Chan nods. "Go for it, Seungcheol buys them." He snorts, and you give him a grin as you close the door behind you. 

You take a deep breath as you brace the stairs, hearing a few of the frat brothers speaking quietly in the den. Peering over the banister, you see a card game strewn on the coffee table, with Jeonghan, Seungcheol and Joshua holding cards. They're all dressed comfortably, and Seungcheol has an ice pack on his knee. He looks up, seeing you peering over the banister. He doesn't speak as you smile at him, only returning it as you continue down the steps. You make it back down to the first floor, giving them a curt nod as you walk past them into the kitchen. "Gentlemen." "M'Lady." Jeonghan replies without looking up, and you look over his shoulder to see that he's got a dirty deck of cards, and he's about to win. "Don't mind me." You skirt into the kitchen, grabbing two cups out of the cupboard and helping yourself to the ice machine. You mind your business as you move around, grabbing a bag of chips and a packet of Gushers, before you see a woven basket on the counter with an assorted amount of condoms. You grab a rope of them, holding it between your teeth as you tuck the chips under your arm and the glasses in your hands. You move back across the den, once more greeting the men. "Gentlemen." 

Joshua looks up to see why your voice is different, seeing the blue foil packet reflecting the light. Seungcheol snorts, "Have fun, don't be too loud. Minghao is sleeping across the hall from you." "Will do, Cheol." You reply, carefully trekking the stairs. You can hear a soft Ow! What'd you do that for!? as you reach the top floor, hearing the front door slam. You put the cups down on the windowsill next to the stairs, and look over the banister to see Seungcheol and Jeonghan snickering. "Did he leave?" You call, and Jeonghan gives you a thumbs up. You rip the top condom off the thread before tossing down the rest. "Thank you, Beta Tau Sluts!" 

"You're welcome!" Seungcheol calls back, catching the condoms before they land in his drink. You grab your drinks again, carefully opening the door with your elbow and Chan looks up to see you. You set the glasses down on his desk, holding up the condom between your fingers.

"Use this with a really special girl, I just pissed off the Vice President of your frat with it." You snicker, and Chan just shakes his head. "Get in here, idiot. We need to study, or OChem is going to eat us for breakfast." "Oh, me first!"

Friday, October 14th.

Joshua put in grades the night before, and you were one point shy of a B minus.

You pretend it doesn't bother you.

Chan was sick, so he'd texted you that morning asking to take notes for him. You took the opportunity to invite Haerim to sit with you – and talk him up. Luckily, there wasn't much talking to do – she already thought he was very cute, but didn't make a move because she thought the two of you were together. You were honest about the past between you, and she just snorted, admitting she'd done the same with a friend of hers.

Msg To: Channie ♡

[10:33AM] mission haerim x chan is a go! [10:33AM] i gave her ur number so…don't fumble.

"Hello, everybody." Joshua calls from the front, and you and Haerim snap your heads up. He starts setting up the projector after everyone replies to his greeting, and she glances at you. "I wonder who broke his heart over the summer." She sighs, and you nod.

"I don't think she meant to." You shrug, your heart warming a bit at the memories. You really regretted it, of course – and it bothered you that it didn't bother him more. You'd been spending a lot of your nights just thinking about it, about him, about opening up to him.

"Well, I hope he heals. She definitely messed up, I've heard he's an absolute sweetheart." She nods, and you smile tightly. "Yeah, he is. His cousin is my best friend. Saerom?" She nods again, "I have Psych with her." "Alright, we're reviewing today." He sighs, and you notice how tired he looks. Eyes are a little swollen. Maybe Hyejin dumped him.

You don't like the giddy feeling you get at that thought.

The review goes by quietly, with Joshua's voice growing more and more tired as he speaks, and he wraps the class up with almost thirty minutes to go. Students walk by and say they hope he feels better, and he just nods at them. You linger, telling Haerim you need to talk to Joshua about office hours, and she leaves without a second thought.

The door closes behind her, and you clear your throat.

"Sick?" You ask, holding out a bag of cough drops. You'd bought them that morning, after Saerom complained of sore throat. He glances at you, and the bag, before shaking his head. "I'm good." Frowning, you step closer to him as he puts his laptop in his bag. "Then what's wrong?" Your voice is gentle, and he stiffens at the sound of it. "Nothing is wrong, Y/N. Thank you for worrying, but I'm fine."

He looks up at you, his eyes lightly rimmed red. You go to speak, but he pulls his bag over his shoulder, moving away from you. "I'll be at the house today, Chan is sick. If you need to talk." You say, before spinning on your heel to leave.

He doesn't respond, only turning away with a frown. "Have a good day, Joshua." "You too, Y/N."

– ☆ –

You were standing in front of the Beta Tau house, waiting for someone to come open the door. Jun was at a study session with Saerom and Soonyoung was out teaching a class, so you were at the house alone. Hearing the doorknob jingle, you look up to see a sleepy Seungcheol opening the door.

"Hey, Y/N. Come in, Chan is in his room." He yawns as he opens the door wider, and you just shake your head in amusement. He and Jeonghan had stopped being a problem after Joshua called them out, and it wasn't long for you to figure out they were friendly based on their treatment of Chan. Very brotherly…very…teasing.

"Hey, Y/N." Jeonghan gives you a curt nod as he stands in front of the mirror by the stairs, giving himself a once over before turning to Seungcheol. "I look okay?" "Yeah." He nods, and you look at Jeonghan over your shoulder. There is a silver packet sticking out of his pocket, "Might wanna tuck that in a little further." You call, before turning back around and trekking the stairs.

"Thanks!" He calls, shoving his hand in his pocket with wide eyes. Seungcheol laughs as you reach the top, before you hear the door open and close with Jeonghan's departure. "Boys." You roll your eyes, before reaching Chan's door. You carefully open the door, trying not to let too much light in.

Chan is draped across his mattress, a fever patch plastered on his forehead. There are half empty bottles of electrolyte drinks all over the floor, and a bowl with Jeonghan's name printed across it. You look inside, seeing broth lingering. 

They're taking care of him.

"Y/N?" You hear him croak, and you almost coo. "Oh, Chan. You're a mess." You set the bag of goodies down on his desk, fishing the thermometer out. "Open." You command, peeling the patch off his forehead and sticking the thermometer in his mouth.

You pick up a bit before the thermometer beeps, and you stare at the numbers. "Pretty mild, you've got a 101° fever." You grimace, shaking the thermometer off before skirting around to unpack the bag.

"I'm going downstairs to make you some tea, okay? I'll be right back." You mumble, before peeling the plastic off another fever patch and sticking it to the back of his neck. He shivers a bit, but nods as he closes his eyes.

Exiting the room just as carefully, you sigh. Taking the stairs quickly, you spot Seungcheol on the couch, "Hey." "Hey. He took some Advil a bit ago, and we've been alternating." He informs, and you can feel warmth spread across your chest. "Aw, you guys really care about the pipsqueak." "He's a good kid." Seungcheol nods, taking a sip of his water before eyeing the ginger root in your hand. "Cutting board is in the bottom cabinet, to the left." "Thanks." You smile, making your way to the kitchen. You see Joshua standing against the dishwasher, arms crossed and eyes closed. There is a popcorn bag in the microwave, likely his. You don't bother to say anything, just quietly opening the cabinet and retrieving the stone cutting board, rinsing it with water.

"He's also thrown up everything we've given him the past twelve hours." Joshua murmurs, his eyes still shut as he nods. "Oh. Sounds like viral gastroenteritis." You sigh, opening the drawer for a knife as the microwave beeps. He doesn't move towards it, but fills a pot with water for you and puts it on the stove. He watches silently as you slice up the ginger root, your shoulders tense.

The water starts to heat up, and you move to find a mug and honey. "Here." Joshua pulls one out from behind him, water droplets still on it from being freshly washed. You take it, "Thank you." "Can we talk when you're done? I'll be in my room." He murmurs, and you nod slowly. "Yeah, sure. I just need to feed him, something is something." He nods, opening the microwave to pull out the bag. He turns, opening a cabinet to retrieve a bowl and pour the popcorn in. He gives you a tired nod before exiting, and you peek around the corner to see him hand the bowl to Seungcheol, who thanks him quietly.

You sigh, forcing yourself to focus on the task at hand. You strain the boiled ginger tea, pouring it over three cubes of ice and a hefty amount of honey. You clean up quickly, and organize things in the kitchen before exiting again, a spoon in your hand in case they didn't give you one for the porridge you bought.

"Good luck." Seungcheol smiles at you, and you give him a soft laugh. "Thanks, I'll need it." 

Trying to get Chan awake proves to be most difficult once you get back to his room. He rolls over lazily, and you have to prop him up so he can drink the tea. You also carefully prepare his porridge, even going as far as spoon feeding him.

"It's so bland." He whines, and you just shake your head at him. "It's supposed to help your stomach, Channie. Just eat." He gets halfway through the bowl before he decides he doesn't want anymore, asking you to just leave it. You nod, putting the lid back over the top and choosing to clean up the mess in his room. Bottles, plates, cups, all in your arms as you exit the room once more, carefully walking down the stairs.

Seungcheol sees you, and quickly gets up to take them from you. "Woah, I didn't realize it accumulated so fast. Here, I got it, pretty." He grabs everything in one hand, before taking it to the kitchen. You follow, rolling up your sweater sleeves when he waves you off. "You're a guest. I got it, go." You find yourself floating back into Chan's room one last time, just peeking in to make sure he's sleeping. You call out, telling him to call you if he needs anything, that you'll be here for a bit. He just gives you a thumbs up. You take a deep breath, seeing Joshua's door slightly ajar. You walk over slowly, knocking on the door gently and poking your head in. He looks up from his desk, his laptop open to six different tabs and a drafted email. "Come in."

"Hi." You greet, closing the door behind you. He sighs, rubbing his palms on the fabric of his sweatpants. You inch toward him, looking at his screen. It's full of drafted projects, and the email is addressed to a certain Kwon Jiyong, DMA. You reach over and gently close the laptop, his tired eyes watching you do so.

"What's wrong?" "I'm sorry." He confessed, and you tilt your head. "Hm?"

"I was a jerk to you, the other day." He blinks up at you, and you stand for a moment, thinking back. "You mean when you called me a liar?" You smile, a soft laugh escaping. "I'm not mad anymore, you're weren't wrong. I am a liar." Shrugging, you point to the bed. He nods, and you take a seat. "Whether or not you are one…doesn't give me the right to treat you the way I did. I blew up on you, and I never do that, and it's frankly been eating away at me." He admits, and you nod, trying not to let your eyes go too wide. "Losing sleep?" "Unfortunately." Muttering, he opens the laptop again, typing in his password for the tabs to pop up again. "This isn't helping, either." he spins the mouse all over the screen, and you nod.

"Maybe you should take a breather. Go for a walk, find a muse." You offer, and he looks at you with a pained expression. You think this is the smoothest conversation you've had since your reunion. "Come on, let's go on a walk." You stand, offering your hand. He looks at it, and you wiggle your fingers.

He stands, taking it cautiously as you walk forward, grabbing his sweater off the hook and handing it to him. You open the door, seeing Haerim in the hallway with a bag in her hand.

"Haerim?" You call, your hand tightening around Joshua's, and she jumps. "Shit, Y/N. You scared me." She holds her hand to her chest, before holding up the bag. "I bought him some stew, Mingyu told me he's been really sick." Joshua peers over your head, making Haerim's eyes widen like saucers. "Shua?" "Hey, Haerim." He nods, and only then does she see the tight hold you have on Joshua's fingers. "I can explain–" You start, and she just smiles widely. "Damn, I didn't recognize your game. Respect." She nods, holding her hand over her mouth. You wince as he shrugs, tugging you slightly forward. 

"Text me." She whispers as he walks past you, and you nod quickly. The two of you walk down the stairs, and Seungcheol is now sitting on the couch again – and he gives you a lazy smile. "Damn, Y/N. You've got hella game." You laugh embarrassedly, as Joshua fixes the way your hands are intertwined. He slots his fingers between yours, grabbing his keys off the hook by the door and opening it. "Ladies first." He murmurs, and you wave goodbye to Seungcheol before stepping out into the cool October air.

"Where to?" He asks, closing the door behind himself. You shrug, shivering slightly as you start down the path. "Wherever you need to." 

The two of you walk aimlessly, before you spot the hill you used to visit during your sophomore year, before you finally convinced Saerom to transfer to your university. You'd lay on this hill with Jun, staring at the sky and talking to him about the stars. He was always surprised about how much you knew, but was kept in the dark like everyone else.

Everyone but Joshua.

"Here. I used to come here all the time." You point at the lavender-covered hill, and he lets you lead him up, before standing amongst all the flowers. "Look at the sky." 

You tilt your head up, watching as the evening sunset looms overhead. He does the same, before speaking quietly. "I'm not dating Hyejin." Your head lolls to the side, a knowing look on your face. "I know." You lie, shrugging nonchalantly as you turn back to the sky. "How?" "You like me. Hard to move on so fast." You hesitate, and he inches closer. "Yeah?" "Yeah." You breathe, feeling the warmth of his body radiating onto you. You shiver a bit, and he sighs, tucking you into him. His sweater is open, and he lets go of your hand to wrap your arms around him. He does the same, wincing lightly at the cold feeling of your hands on his back.

"I'm still very sorry, you know." He laments, and you give him a tight smile. "I shouldn't have said any of it, especially not about your parents." He looks down at you, your eyes peering up at him already.

"My parents suck, don't take back what you say about them." You shrug, scanning his face. "I am confused about the Hyejin thing." "Right, that." He sucks his teeth lightly, a slight blush coating his cheeks. "She…asked for my help, and I have a really hard time saying no." "Of what nature was this 'help?'" You make air quotes, and Joshua can see a glint of the green-eyed monster in your demeanor. He smiles, moving to card his fingers through your hair gently. "Making an ex-boyfriend jealous kind of help." "Doesn't explain why you two were about to kiss when Chan and I got up the stairs." You say pointedly, his fingers toying gently with your earring. Another gift from your grandmother, he remembers these, too. A sun and a moon. "Let's just say I could recognize your voice from a mile away." You quirk a brow at him, before scoffing. "You're obsessed with me." "Since I saw you in that white dress." He nods, making you roll your eyes. You bite back your smile, "Can I kiss you?" "You're asking?" He tilts his head, and you snort. "Some of us don't like to assume things." You say with a tinge, and he shrugs. "I know when someone wants me." "I don't want you." You shake your head, a frown on your lips as you run your own hands through his mussed hair, peering over his shoulder to see an empty campus. Odd, for this hour. "Oh, you don't?" He entertains your shenanigans, before tilting your chin up to look in your eyes. "Nope." You pop the 'p', nuzzling your nose with his. His fingers are gently tracing your jaw before he presses his lips to yours. You melt into his touch carefully, his other hand softly holding your hip, squeezing before he pulls away, touching his forehead to yours. You blink up at him, "I don't want you. I need you."

"Did you sleep with Chan?" He asks, a bit roughly as he adjusts his hold on you. His hands move to rest on your back, and you shake your head. "Not recently, no." "Recently?" His eyes widen, and you snort. "Once, three years ago." You roll your eyes, and he nods. "No plans of sleeping with him soon?" "None." You murmur, and he bites his lip, a smile threatening to take over. "Plans of sleeping with anyone else?" "Don't know, there is this one guy." You pretend to think, pulling his hands to the front and lacing your fingers with one, taking him further down the hill slowly. The flower field comes into view, and you look up at the sky to see it's darkened remarkably. "Do you know the story of Altair and Vega?" "The story of Altair and Vega?" He echoes, allowing you to sit him down, plopping down next to him before clearing your throat. You nod, placing his hand on your inner thigh. "For warmth." You roll your eyes, before leaning back on your hands. "It's an old Chinese legend. Altair is the brightest star in the Aquila constellation." You search the sky for it, before spotting it overhead. "There." You point, and he nods. 

"You told me about those three stars over the summer. Vega, Altair and Deneb." He recalls, and you feel your smile take over your face. "You remember that?"

"We can talk about that later." He shrugs, pressing a kiss to your cheek as you nod carefully. "Right…so, out of the three, Vega is the brightest. In their story, Altair is nothing but a shepherd. He herds cows after being abandoned by his family, and he yearns for love. His only love is music, and he plays lovely melodies on the flute."

Turning slightly to face him, you shrug. "Vega was said to be a goddess, from the Heavens that was forbidden from interacting with mortals, but she heard his song and it was love at first sight. She would leave the Heavens at sunrise and sunset to be with him. They even had children together. Her mother grew suspicious, and demanded she return to the Heavens. She did so."

"The shepherd had a beautiful ox with thick skin. Seeing the way his owner yearned for the love of the goddess, he offered his skin as a sacrifice to reunite them. It didn't work." 

"Why?" Joshua asks gently, his eyes still staring up at the stars overhead. "Her mother was enraged. She created a band of stars to separate them. Their love can't be, not the way they want it." You sigh, and he glances at you.

"So what are you saying?" His voice holds no malice, only curiosity. You feel his hand tighten around your thigh slightly, prompting you to remove it and swing your leg over his lap, adjusting yourself to sit on his thighs. He gives you a look of confusion, but you just lace your fingers with his before taking a deep breath. "I'm saying that I'm a coward." You admit with a mutter, not able to look him in the eyes as you blink back the sting of tears. "I'm saying that…I want to, you know. I want to be brave, I want to tell my parents that I'm not their puppet, I want to pursue my own dreams." "What's stopping you?" He murmurs, his thumb rubbing small circles into your skin. "Fear." You sigh. "Fear of failing. Fear of…not being good enough." "Good enough for what? You're smart, you're passionate. You love this." He gestures at the sky, and you look into his eyes, his face blurry behind tears as you whisper just loud enough for him to hear you. "Good enough for you."

He sighs at this, reaching his fingers up to wipe at a few fallen tears. "There is another story in your legend, but in Greek mythology." Your head tilts to the side, and he smiles. "Lyra, means lyre. Orpheus was a musician in mythology, and a renowned poet. He even went down to Hades' hell to try and save his wife." "Eurydice." You murmur, and he nods. "He loved her more than anything, alongside his music. The story of how Lyra came to be, is that Eurydice died. She was bitten by a venomous snake and had long died by the time Orpheus found her. He was so heartbroken, he played the saddest melodies known to man and it affected everyone else just as much as it did him. He loved her so much, he went to the depths of Hades' hell to beg for her back, to live her full life, to enjoy her time."

He scans your face, feeling your fingers trace shapes into his abdomen. "Hades broke the rule, one time. He sympathized with Orpheus, and since they were both mortals, he knew they'd eventually return to him once their lives were over. The catch?" He took a piece of your hair between his fingers, twirling it through nimble fingers.

"Eurydice had to follow him out, and he wasn't allowed to look back at her until they got back to Earth, lest he'd send her right back." He said with a hum, watching as your lips pursed in discontent. "He turned back, didn't he?" "He feared she'd get lost in the dark. Just before they got back, just before they made it, he looked back and the gates to Hades' darkness were shut. He wept for her, for seven days and seven nights outside of those gates, but he never saw her again." He sighed, tucking the strand of hair behind your ear. "He was beaten to death by drunk women four years later, during a celebration for Dionysus. He never moved on, and was deemed a woman hater because he consistently rejected any and every woman for his Eurydice. His lyre was thrown in the river, and Zeus sent an eagle for it. That's how you got Lyra." 

Pointing at the sky, the two of you watch how the sky slowly turns. 

Without looking back at him, you whisper, "What are you saying?" "I'm saying…I don't want you to be Eurydice. Lost forever because I can't let you go." He splays his large hands across your thighs, the cold of his fingertips making you look back down at him. "But, I know that Orpheus and Eurydice deserved a happy ending. And I know that three weeks is a very short time to get to know someone, but I think…I know you better than almost anyone in your life." You stifle a laugh, nodding. "Nobody knows me like you, Joshua. Saerom doesn't even know I'm a double major." "Bad girl, very bad." He scolds you teasingly, before his thumbs press lightly into your thighs. "I want you to be happy. And if it means that this…whatever, we are…is a secret for a while, I'm okay with that." He shrugs, and you glance down at him.

"You know you deserve better, right?" You murmur, and he sighs. "It's either you or that lunch lady from my freshman year that's been after me for ages. Please, please save me." His tone is joking, but the look in his eyes is serious, solemn.

"Are you sure?" Your thumb pads his slight under eye bags, and he leans into it. "Yes, but don't give in to me so easily. I like the little mind games you play."

Snorting, you flick his nose gently. "What, so you want me to keep being defiant?"

"It's kind of hot." He crinkles his nose at the admission, and you let out a laugh. A genuine laugh, unlike your normal ones. "You're so…" He trails off, tilting his head to the side before sighing.

"I'm so what? Annoying? Stubborn? A snotty-nosed brat?" You prod, and he just smiles. "Yes, all of that. But…I don't know. You're so…easy to love."

"You…love me?" The confusion in your voice makes his chest ache. "I can't, uhm, I can't say I'm super well versed in the topic." He clears his throat, seeing your eyes become slightly glossy. "I just…I know that you feel right. I know that seeing you makes me less stressed. Nobody has been able to pull me away from my desk all week, Cheol had to physically drag me out earlier to eat something. I keep thinking back to our first night together, because the stress of some deadlines I have coming up is just driving me mad. But closing my eyes and just thinking about you, and knowing that you're not really this person you've painted for ages, I know. I think I feel closer to you, knowing that you've confided in me to keep this secret of yours, and I'm honored. I want to make you feel…wanted, needed. I want you to know that you are so much more than 'good enough.' If anything, I will never be enough for you, and I could spend the rest of my life working to earn you and your love." You're silent for a moment, taking in his words as your hands ghost over his. You give him a small smile, toying with the ring on his finger. "I should get you home." You murmur, and he smiles as he straightens, placing his hands on your back so you don't topple. "Anywhere you are is home, Y/N."

You don't respond, choosing to give him a chaste kiss. "We really need to get you home, I have to check on Chan." You speak against his lips, and he nods. "Fine, fine." The two of you get up, and Joshua files your lack of response into the back of his mind. Was it too much? Did he cross a line? 

The walk is quiet, but you're holding his hand tighter than you had on the stroll earlier. You're holding him closer, even holding onto his arm with your opposite hand and resting your head slightly on his shoulder. When you reach the frat, he unlocks the door to see Seungcheol and Jeonghan debriefing about Jeonghan's date on the couch. Jeonghan almost calls him over when he sees you float in after him, a loud whoo! from his mouth.

"Shut up!" You groan, gesturing up the stairs. "Chan is sleeping!" "Woo!" Jeonghan cheers again, albeit quieter, and you roll your eyes. Joshua takes your sweater off your shoulders, and you allow him to do so as he hangs them on the rack by the door. "How was your date, Jeonghan?" "Good! She was very sweet, good taste in music." He smiles softly, before glancing between you and Joshua. "Did you…talk?" He clears his throat, and you feel Joshua's hand on your back, his eyes looking up the stairs.

"We can debrief what happened between us…at a later date." You smile, and Jeonghan gives you a knowing look. Seungcheol sips his beer with a smirk, shaking his head as the two of you climb the stairs gingerly. "Check on Chan." Joshua whispers, kissing the back of your neck before turning to his room.

Knocking gently, you open the door to see Haerim watching him carefully. She's holding the thermometer in her hand, shaking it as she sighs. She doesn't startle when she sees you, a warm smile on her face as she holds it up. "Still mild fever." "No vomit, right?" You ask, closing the door behind you. She shakes her head, pointing at the empty stew bowl she brought. "He practically inhaled it." "Traitor, he didn't want to eat the porridge I brought him." You scoff, and she laughs. "How was…you know." She gestures in the direction of Joshua's room, and you feel yourself get a little giddy. She notices the wry smile on your lips, giving your arm a soft smack before nagging you. "What happened!" "He likes me." You shrug, biting back your squeal as she bounces on her toes with a toothy grin. "He likes you?!"

"Yes!" You giggle, bouncing with her, and Chan groans behind the two of you. You both clench your teeth shut, lowering your voices. "I'll update you some other time, okay? I'll be at his beck and call, so don't worry about Chan." Haerim nods, not bothering to probe before she hikes her knapsack over her shoulder. She leans, pressing a soft kiss to Chan's hairline, telling him she's leaving. He nods weakly, squeezing her hand before she pulls away. "Should I get one of the guys to walk you home?" You ask, and she shakes her head. "My roommate's been waiting for ages for me to call her. I'll see you on Monday?"

She walks towards the stairs, and you nod. "See you, Haerim." 

"Chan, I'm going home. Call me, or have one of the guys call me if you need anything." You call into the room, and he groans in response. You snort, grabbing your purse off his desk and carefully shutting the door, sighing as you take a few steps down the hall to Joshua's room. You knock lightly, opening the door when you hear him hum.

He's sitting in front of his laptop again, a frustrated look on his face as he connects a soundboard to his laptop, before feeling your presence. You smile at him, arms crossed before you speak, perching on the edge of his desk. "I'm going home."

"I know, I asked Cheol to walk you because I really need to focus." He says, a bit of sadness peeking through. You nod, "Thank you." "Can you text me when you get home?" His question is more of a demand, but you can see he's not trying to push it. "Yes, sir." You push off the desk, reaching to wrap your arms around his neck as he leans into his computer.

"Don't work yourself too hard, lover." You whisper in his ear, pressing a kiss to his temple before feeling his hand on your wrist, twisting his head to look at you. There's a soft blush coating his cheeks. "What'd you say?" "I said I'm going home." You change your expression to a stoic one, and he almost chokes on his laugh. "I'll see you on Monday." 

"Yeah, for sure." He gives your wrist a gentle squeeze, "Let me walk you out, at least." "Don't kiss me in front of your friends." You warn, and he snorts. Standing, he watches as your arms drape to your sides before you clasp your hands in front of you before walking out into the hallway. You both barrel down the stairs, and hear Jeonghan whining over a bottle of tequila about his date. "She's so hot, Cheol, you don't get it." "I get it, I get it." Seungcheol replies distractedly, his eyes flickering up to you and Joshua reaching the foyer. "Ready to go, Y/N?" He stands, going to the closet to rummage for a jacket. "Yeah, thanks for doing this." You smile sheepishly, and Jeonghan looks up. "Oh, you're going home?" "Yeah, Chan's sleeping and…" You clear your throat, giving Joshua a quick glance. He catches on, "I'm busy. Doing shit. Important, you know."

"Tell us more about how you wouldn't be able to control yourselves, why don't you?" Jeonghan grimaces, and you snort. "This is why you're here, yearning for your date instead of being back at her apartment." "The hell is that supposed to mean!" He pouts, and Joshua snorts as he helps you pull your jacket on. "It means you're a bitch, Han."

"Don't make me tell Y/N all your dirty little secrets, Hong." Jeonghan tilts the shot glass in his direction, making you go wide eyed as Seungcheol returns, a blue and white varsity jacket draped over his shoulders. "Alright, let's scoot. The night is young." He stretches, and you smile at Jeonghan.

"Hope you get the girl, Hannie." You say softly, and his eyes soften. "Thanks, Y/N." "Bye, Joshua." You murmur as Seungcheol steps outside, muttering about the cold under his breath. Joshua looks to Jeonghan, who has his eyes closed, before pulling you into him. "One for the road?" You roll your eyes, "One for the road."

Thursday, December 29th.

The past two months had been a mess. Your parents had continuously dropped by randomly (and they dropped by the night of the Beta Tau Halloween rager), making both you and Saerom annoyed. She'd recently started seeing Jun (which kind of makes you grateful you're not in the apartment for their study sessions, who knows what freak shit they're on) and neither of you could study or rest in peace without feeling like they'd drop by.

Missing the party was the least of your worries, because you knew Joshua wasn't going to be involved in it anyway. He sent you a text from his desk, his guitar needing to be restrung because he couldn't pull himself away from his work. You'd told him to go for a walk.

Message From: Joshua Hong (TA) [11/03] What use is a walk if you're not there to kiss my worries away? You hadn't replied, opting to choose to scream into your pillow like a giddy teenaged girl.

In this time, you'd also managed to sit Saerom down and really speak to her about yourself. You told her that you didn't feel like yourself, and when she asked why, you broke out a bottle of wine and the two of you broke down the last few years of your lives. You admitted that you didn't want any part of your family's business, and Saerom had only given you a softened look.

"Don't pity me, Rom. You know I hate that shit.""I don't, my love. I don't pity you at all."

You'd cried quite a bit, and she'd just watched quietly and wiped your tears as they came. She understood, and she voiced that she thinks she would also do the same – the lying, the escapism, the misunderstandings. She apologized, saying she was sorry that she ever made you feel like you couldn't confide in her – smiling slightly when you said that she was never the problem, it was knowing that you'd be admitting to failure. She understood that, too.

The apartment felt more homey after that – Saerom took the time to go out and buy a few things she thought you'd like – a few constellation posters, a Lego set for you to build together of the Milky Way. She built the astronaut and NASA shuttle herself, placing those in your room when you texted her a few days after she bought them saying you'd had a rough day. She heard you crying in your room, only entering to comfort you when she heard you call her name.

These weeks were also particularly difficult because you'd seen less and less of Joshua. You never considered yourself the clingy type, and the Beta Tau brothers were definitely becoming more familiar with you as the days passed. You saw Joshua outside of class maybe twice, and it was once during office hours and once by going to the house to check on Chan right after Joshua admitted his feelings for you. He'd gotten a lot better, but you'd picked up his assignments from classes you didn't share so he wouldn't fall behind. He'd asked you what was going on between you and Joshua, and you just shrugged.

"We're taking it slow."

"Please don't fuck while I'm still sick, I don't want to hear it."

You and Joshua seemed to have no plans of doing so, it seems. Your schedules did not line up, and you could see him become slightly more stressed every time you saw him. Your classmates noticed something different about him, and you and Haerim just giggled in the back when he'd steal a glance at you. She never said anything to anyone, either.

Once school let out for the winter break (and you disappointedly passed Spanish with a B minus), you did everything in your power to avoid going home. You told your parents any lie you could grapple at – Saerom was sick, you were sick and didn't want to get them sick.

The truth? You just wanted to ring in the New Year with your…boyfriend? You didn't know what the two of you were, and you weren't afraid to admit that to yourself. He was graduating soon, and possibly taking a gap year before continuing his studies. You knew this much through texts – the one thing the two of you did have time for. He sent you voice notes on his way to anywhere, he'd send you pictures of the night sky before going to bed – asking if you could point out any constellations for him. 

Message From: Shua <3 [11:32pm] Are you home? [11:33pm] Before you answer this, is Saerom home? I don't feel like explaining myself, I just want to lay the fuck down.

You snort at his message, giggling to yourself at his new contact name. You don't know if you'll ever get used to it.

Message To: Shua <3 [11:33pm] Saerom went home for the break. Something about introducing Jun to her mom.

His reply is almost instant. Message From: Shua <3 [11:34pm] Open the door, I'm freezing.

From your seat on the couch, you hear Joshua groan behind the door and you laugh. Tossing your phone to the side, you quickly get up and unlock the door. You see a pouty Joshua holding a bag of takeout, eyelashes lightly coated in snow as he enters the apartment. "You hate me." He whines, and you snort.

"I can make you go back out in the cold, if you'd like." You shrug, making him scoff as you carefully unravel his scarf. He closes his eyes as you take his jacket, and yank his beanie off his head with no care. "When do I get my kiss? I haven't seen you since finals, I deserve a kiss."

"It's like, twenty minutes until your birthday. You can't wait?" You roll your eyes, feeling a ball of fabric hit your back. You look down to see his pink glove on the floor, making you scoff out a laugh. "Now you're definitely not getting a kiss." "Oh my Goooood, you hate me!" He pouts, grabbing your arm and pulling you close to him. You shake your head, gently nuzzling your nose to his cold one. "Not one bit." You still hadn't told Joshua you loved him. Granted, the two of you were not dating and hadn't properly seen each other in literal ages – as much as 'ages' can be for two idiots in love. 

"Why are you dressed like this? And why have I never been here before? This place is cool." He looks around, spotting the astronomy figurines Saerom had started getting for you, the walls covered in photos of you together and he spots the photo of you and your parents gathering dust on one of the shelves. He doesn't mention it.

"Dressed like what? My pajamas?" You look down, and he tugs at the seam of your shorts. "Rather…provocative." "Shut the fuck up, it's almost bed time." You roll your eyes, swatting his hand away from the bare skin of your thighs. He smiles amusedly, planting a soft kiss to the tip of your nose, before peppering them all over your face. His lips meet yours lightly, a chaste taste of his strawberry lip balm lingering on your plush lips as he pulls away.

"The bag is just mochi. I already had dinner." He says sheepishly, and you shrug. "I did, too. To be honest, I wasn't expecting company." "I didn't think you'd stayed on campus." He nods, and you sigh with a sad smile. "Don't wanna see my parents." "Right. How's that going?" He asks, pulling you to the couch with one hand. You let him lay down, pulling you on top of him. Your knees hug his hips as you straddle him, his hands resting high on your thighs. "It's…going. I should call them, but I really don't want to–" You hear the doorknob wiggle, tensing in Joshua's hold as you turn. The lock turns, and your muttered whisper of fuck makes all the alarms in Joshua's mind go off. You climb off of him as the door is pushed open, and you can feel your skin heat in embarrassment as your mother scoffs, stepping into the apartment. Joshua carefully slides off the couch, stepping next to you.

"Jesus, she keeps this place a mess." She groans, looking at the bag of takeout on your dinner table. She hasn't seen you yet, placing her giant designer bag on a chair as your father comes in behind her. "All you do is judge the girl, no wonder she doesn't want to come home." He rolls his eyes, but they land on you – standing with beet red cheeks and an equally embarrassed Joshua by your side. Your father's eyes dart to the link between you – Joshua's hand gingerly interlocking your fingers. You don't speak, and he looks at Joshua's eyes filled with slight worry.

"Can you go get her? She's probably holed up in her room, looking at those stupid mo– Who the fuck are you?" Your mother has turned now, her narrowed eyes on Joshua before landing on you. "Who the fuck is that? You said you were sick, and you have company over?" Your throat is dry, and you feel frozen when Joshua steps in front of you, shielding you from your parents' view. "You must be Y/N's parents. I've heard a lot about you, I'm Joshua."

He extends his hand, and your father eyes it before taking it, shaking it firmly. "Nice grip you got there, son." Your mother scoffs, tugging her scarf off her neck with a visceral anger. Joshua can feel you cower behind him, your fingers gripping onto the back of his shirt. "Joshua what? What do you do for a living?" He clears his throat, watching as your mother walks around the apartment without taking her shoes off, taking down stuff from the walls. "Joshua Hong. I'm a producer." He lies through his teeth, and your mother scowls as she sees the Lego version of the Milky Way hung right by your bathroom. She takes it down, tossing it carelessly on the couch.

"A producer? You won't make much money." 

"That's enough." Your father speaks up, and sees you peer at him from behind Joshua. "What are you to Y/N? Boyfriend?" "Not allowed!" Your mother announces, her hands now occupied by your opened mail. Bills, bills, a credit card statement, bills…and your summer internship at the Korea Astronomy and Space Institute.

"I am…her boyfriend." Joshua whispers, losing a bit of confidence as your mother angrily walks back to your foyer. "What's this?" She holds the acceptance letter up, your eyes shutting closed as you see it in her hand. "Fuck." You murmur behind Joshua, and your mother begins to read it aloud.

"Esteemed Miss Kang, it is with great pride that we award you with the July KASI internship studying plasma physics." She crumples the paper slightly in her fist, and your father pries it from her hold as you step out from behind Joshua, and she really lays it on you.

"We told you from the start that these silly little dreams about space and stars were not going to happen. You are the sole heir to the companies, the properties, you have to continue the family business. Don't you care about that? Don't you care about paying us back for everything we've given you, and continue to supply you with? Don't you get that this is not an option?" She's not yelling, but her words cut deep as you nod slowly, the words tumbling out before you can stop to think about them properly. "I don't care." Your mother looks taken aback, and you feel your stomach flip as you clear your throat. "I don't care about properties, or companies. I don't care about money, or marrying for wealth. I…" You breathe in shakily, and Joshua instinctively puts his hands on your shoulders, an act not unseen by your mother's beady eyes.

"I don't care about being part of a family that is fueled by greed. I can't do it anymore. I hope that…you find another fit." The last part comes out as a bit of a sob, and you cover your mouth quickly. Your mother is fuming, and she turns to your father, who is silently reading the letter in his hands.

"I didn't know you liked plasma physics." He murmurs, and you feel Joshua's fingers squeeze your shoulders lightly. "I didn't even know what you were studying, if I'm being honest." Your father admits sheepishly, smoothing the crumpled edge of the sheet carefully. 

"This is a very hard program to get into. I would know," Your father holds the letter out to you, and you reach to take it, holding the corner gingerly in your fingers. "You would know?" Joshua echoes, and your father nods.

"I applied. I got the June internship for aerospace engineering, my best friend was so jealous." You don't know the last time you saw your father smile. "I'm…proud of you. I know it's a little late in saying that, I've been quite the absent father.I guess, I can't even really say father."

Your mother is tapping her foot, garnering your attention again. "Whatever rebel strike you're on isn't cute, Y/N. I've got investors waiting to meet you, wanting to draw up contracts, to build new properties with your name across the front." Your father sighs, shaking his head as he looks at the two of you again. "Joshua, could you give us a moment?" 

You turn to look at him, your eyes pleading him not to leave. He gives you a sorry smile, squeezing your shoulders before kissing your hairline. "I'll be in your room." He murmurs, and you nod, watching as he walks away, slipping into the only open door in the hallway. He shuts it behind him. 

Your father sighs, leaning against the door frame. "Your mother and I are getting a divorce."

You can feel your eyes widen as far as they go, your mother flushing furiously. "Can I ask why?" "It's none of your business." She grits, and your father scoffs. "I'm selling the company. I'm tired, Y/N. Being in business is not what I want to do." He shakes his head, and you try to bite back a smile.

"It's not?"

"No. I'm donating the money to the Aerospace Engineering program here, actually." He gestures around you, indicating the University. You feel your lips tug into a smile, your father's warm eyes matching yours. "I don't understand why you can't just leave the company in Y/N's name so she can take over when we're both dead and gone. At least it sets up a stable future for her!" "She won't be happy, Bora! That's why I can't do that. Nothing in this life means anything if we're not happy." He groans frustratedly, and you feel almost taken aback by your father's words. He'd always been a silent man – a bit cold, with two friends and love for one thing: baseball. 

And space, you now know.

"This is fucking ridiculous. I cannot leave my investors hanging, and I refuse to hand over my properties to someone I don't even know!" Your mother is exasperated, and you almost want to laugh at how you and your father shrug simultaneously. 

"Whatever." She grumbles, snatching her purse off the chair, pulling it over her shoulder. She gives you a nasty look, "I assume this means you will also bail on meeting the Mins' youngest son? Yoongi has been waiting to meet you." 

"Yoongi can shove it." You shrug, and she just shakes her head in disappointment – but for once…you don't care. She slams out of your apartment, her scarf flung over the back of your couch. Your father gives you a gentle smile, and you return it. 

"I'm sorry for not being a better father to you, Y/N. I should have tried harder." He laments, and you see his eyes begin to gloss over with tears. You step forward, enveloping him in a loose hug. "I think…standing up for me and what you believe in, is a step in the right direction. I haven't been a very present daughter, either."

He laughs shakily, giving you a tight squeeze. "How about you and I get dinner in the next few days? You can even bring Joshua, I kind of like that kid." He mumbles, and you feel your stomach flutter at the mention of your…boyfriend's name. "I'll check our calendars and shoot you a text, okay?" "For sure, kid." He pulls away, softly patting your head. "I'll see you, okay?" "Yeah. See you." You nod, opening the door for him. He leaves with another word, your mother's scarf in his hand as he exits your apartment. You feel a wave of relief wash over you, but bite back your tears as you lock the door and march to your bedroom. Opening the door, you see Joshua flopped diagonally across your bed, phone in his hand.

It's twenty minutes past midnight, and the date reads December 30th.

"Hey, you." He looks over his shoulder, and watches as you pin the acceptance letter to the corkboard above your dresser. You put your hands on your hips, staring at it with a bit more content in your heart. 

"Hey, boyfriend." You say, turning to face him. His ears turn pink, and he sits up. "It just came out, okay? I'm sorry, I know I haven't even taken you out to dinner or anything but I really, really–" You crash your lips to his, pushing him back onto your bed as you straddle him. "Yeah, yeah. No need for explanations." You peel your shirt off, tossing it to the side as he looks at you with wide eyes. "Are you sure?"

"Happy birthday, lover."

Saturday, May 6th.

"Joshua Hong." 

You cheer loudly from the stands as he crosses the stage, watching his cheeks tinge pink as he hears you over the clapping and yelling from his fraternity. He smiles as the photographer takes his picture, before looking up at the stands to find you. You wave excitedly, and his eyes brighten all the more. I love you, he mouths.

I'm proud of you, you mouth back. Wimp.

– ☆ –

"Hey, gorgeous. You a tourist?" You're standing at the bar of the same salsa club you and Joshua danced at last summer when you hear Joshua's voice behind you, and you struggle not to roll your eyes. The two of you only stayed at the graduation long enough to watch Jeonghan cross the stage, before Cheol texted the group and said he was sneaking out. 

The three of them had booked a last-minute trip…back to Puerto Vallarta.

"The city where you fell in love!" Cheol teased as the group loaded into the car, with you sitting on Joshua's lap in the backseat. Saerom was sitting next to you, and Junhui was giggling at the redness of your cheeks as the pair of douchebags teased you to no end. It didn't matter though – you felt Joshua smile into your shoulder as the group pulled into the airport.

"Yeah, I am. Are you?" You played his game, waiting until he finally came into your line of vision with the same baby blue guayabera you first saw him in. Your stomach flutters lightly as his hand ghosts your back. "Nah, I've been here before. Got my heart broken by a cute thing, she looked a little like you." "Alright, that's enough roleplay you weirdo." You scoff, shoving his hand away from you as he laughed, He stepped slightly closer, ignoring your faux annoyance. "Right, right…I know some cool places here, if you'd care to join me." His eyes twinkle something mischievous as the bartender slides you your drink. You take it with a thank you, before sighing and linking your arm with Joshua's. "Do you, now?" "I do. There's some pretty hammocks down the beach, you can see all the stars right now." He glances up at the sky as the two of you leave the club, your shoes clutched in his hand as your toes sink into the warm sand. You smile up at him, "What do you know about stars?" "Someone very special once told me a story about two lovers who couldn't be…and they reside in these very stars." He points at the sky, and you nod. "You know, I once heard a story like that, but they were involved in Greek mythology." You stare up at the sky, when you reach the hammock the two of you shared that first night.

"Really? Was it about Orpheus and Eurydice? I love that one." He smiles as he helps you on, fixing the skirt of your dress to cover your legs more. "Your star-crossed lovers, were they Altair and Vega?"

"So you do know stars." He slides in, and you rest your head on his chest. "I do. Love them, actually." "You're my brightest star." He murmurs, kissing your forehead lightly as his hand maps out the Lyra constellation. "It's so pretty, isn't it?" Looking back down at you, he sees the gloss over your eyes and sits up. "Babe! Don't cry, oh my God–" "I love you." You blurt, watching as his brows raise, his ears tinging pink in the low light of the moon. He lays back down slowly, and you scrunch your face before sitting up and looking down at him. "Hello? Big moment here, asswipe?" "Just a second." He smiles painfully, and your brows only furrow more. "What the hell is wrong with you?" 

"I'm hard." He whispers, making you glance down. "Don't look at it! What's wrong with you!" He pouts as you burst into laughter, your hand resting on his stomach as you muffle your laughter with his shoulder.  "It's not funny."

"You're such a LOSER!"

Pulling back, you wipe at your eyes, catching your breath.

"But you love me too, right?" You ask, peering down at him as he rolls his eyes, smiling widely. He brings you closer to him, his lips ghosting over yours as he speaks softly.

"I love you so much, I'd bring down the stars if you asked me to."

haologram © 2024 || no translations, reposting or modifications are allowed. do not claim as your own. viewer discretion is advised. your media consumption is your responsibility.

[justmeinadaze]

Inescapable Final Part (Steddie X You)

A/N: Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, and all that fun stuff <3

Warnings: Convicts Dom Older Steddie (Sir Eddie/ Daddy Steve) & Fem Sub Younger Y/N, SMUT, light dirty talk, light choking, slight over stimulation, dp

ANGST, continues where the last ended, Olivia isn't there for the chaos that unfolds, Derek has a gun and threatens these three, brief mentions of a stabbing (once) and gunshots (a couple), blood is mentioned as well as the disposal of the aftermath, light mentions of kidnapping (Derek talking about taking Olivia back home), boys talk about entering a dark headspace to handle the situation Derek put them in, the three of them get hit a few times (reader once and Eddie a few times), I think that's it.

If you know the series and my angsty brain you know what to expect!

Happy ending for sure <3

Word Count: 4867

Series here/Donate to Me <3

“Mommy!”, your daughter shouted as she heard the front door open and ran to greet you. 

Before she got two feet, Derek grabbed her bicep keeping her in place and you had to do the same with Steve as he started to charge towards the man at the action. 

“Hey, baby. Are you alright?”

“Uh huh.”, she nods seemingly confused as her eyes fleet between all the adults in the room. 

“Good. Why don’t you go to your room and get your bunny daddy bought you with your pajamas ok?” When your ex’s grip remained steadfast, both men beside you glared his way before he finally let her go. “Go on, Olivia.”

“What are you doing?”, Derek asked when she disappeared down the hall. 

“I don’t know what your plan is but that little girl has nothing to do with it. We have a neighbor who doesn’t mind watching her while everything plays out.”

“’Everything plays out?’ Jesus, you still aren’t fucking listening, Y/N. I just want to talk.”

“Then why did you take her? You could have just knocked on the fucking door.”

“I wanted to get your attention.”

“Well, you got it.”

He chuckles at your tone as his eyes flick to either side of you. 

“Do they not talk anymore?”

“Trust me. You don’t want them to. I had to convince them not to just fucking kill you.”

Derek’s face settles as his irises darken before cocking the gun and stepping forward to place it under your chin. 

“After everything you put me through, you think I wouldn’t just kill all three of you, take her, and leave? You have a high reward on your head but hers? It’s up to $300,000. They’d put her in the system though because your dad disowned you both. Oh, he puts up a good front for the news but… you’re the whore who ran off with murderers.”

“Daddy?” You blink as Derek backs away from you and both her fathers smile her way. “Everyone…mad?”

“No, honey. Noone is mad. You’re just going to go spend the night with Mrs. Redford while we talk to Uncle Derek.”, Steve relays in a soothing tone as he lifts her into his arms. “You got everything?”

When she nods and he heads for the door, you reach out to pet her curls and kiss her forehead. 

“I love you, Olivia.”

“I love you, mommy.”

Eddie does the same before lightly tickling her neck making her smile. 

“We’ll see you tomorrow morning, troublemaker.”

“Where are you going, Steve? She’s 3. I think she can walk herself.”, Derek growled giving the other man pause as he reached for the doorknob. 

“You’re right, she can but if you think I’m letting my three-year-old walk across the street in the snow by herself then you’re insane.”

Your heart broke as her little arms wrapped tightly around his neck at the firm sound of his voice. Olivia knows that tone from Steve even though she’s rarely been on the receiving end. Her father is upset and she’s not sure at what exactly but she knows she’s safe in his arms. 

He doesn’t even wait for permission as he opens the door and begins to walk her to the neighbors. 

Your ex grunts in frustration before pushing you forward so he could watch from the patio but as he does Eddie hits his hand. 

“Don’t fucking touch her.”

It happens quickly. 

As soon as his words leave his mouth, Derek’s arm flies and you gasp as the butt of the gun hits the man you love in the face knocking him to the ground. 

“It seems you guys don’t understand who is in fucking charge here. Just because I won’t hurt Olivia doesn’t mean I won’t kill you.”

You hastily kneel to check on him but the man grabs your arm and roughly pulls you outside.

“Please…don’t do this… just pretend you didn’t see us, Derek, and let us be happy.”

The man snorts as he continues to watch Steve hug his daughter before shaking the neighbor’s hand with a big smile. 

“Still so fucking selfish, Y/N. Always putting yourself before the people around you.”

The other man runs back across the street and your ex pushes you both back inside as he locks the door. 

“I’m ok. I’m fine.”, Eddie grumbles as Steve worriedly tries to check him over but he’s pushed away. 

“Couch please.”

You three do as he commands, placing yourself on the sofa with you in the middle of both boys as Derek sits across from you and crosses his legs. 

“How did you get over the border? Who forged the papers?”

“I did.”, you lie. “It’s not that hard when you know what legally they are checking for.”

Your ex snickers as his eyes scan you over.

“That’s strike one, babe. You lie to me again and you won’t enjoy the outcome.” Derek glares your way for a few seconds before he sighs and rubs his eyes. “When did you change? You weren’t always like…this.”, he inquires as he gestures your way. 

“I know, I’m stronger than I used to be.”

“Hm. Well so is your dad. Because his daughter and grandchild were ‘kidnapped’, he used that to get sympathy and move up the ladder. As of right now, he’s commissioner in our town and a fucking asshole. When you disappeared and I had no one to marry, he refused to help my family, Y/N. My dad lost his job, I got kicked out of school because I couldn’t make tuition and my family lost their house. Right now, they are living out of their suitcases in some fucking hotel.”

When you didn’t respond, he growled in your direction. 

“Sorry. I forgot empathy isn’t your strong suit.”

“You were going to ruin my life to save yourself and your namesake. I’m sorry if I can’t empathize with that.”

“Ruin your life? Was being with me really that fucking bad?! My family treated you like one of their own!”

“Your family treated me like I was beneath them constantly! Add that to the list of things you never fucking noticed.”

Abruptly, he rose to his feet and grabbed your bicep to force you to yours. Both men started to stand to defend you but when he aimed the gun in their direction they froze.

“I noticed… I noticed that you were pulling away. I noticed that you were on the phone more than normal. I noticed the way you would grin when the mail came in. I noticed when you came home smelling like garbage.”, he hissed as he glared their way. “What I didn’t understand was why. Why after so many years you could leave me that easily…”

“It wasn’t easy. Ask them. I told them constantly that I cared about you and needed to try with us! But we kept fighting about everything, Derek. I constantly felt like I wasn’t enough with you.”

“What did I say about lying?”

His palm collided with your cheek so hard your fell to the floor. Eddie rose to his feet to defend you but was punched hard in the mouth. The metalhead bounced back quickly but paused when the gun the man was holding was pointed at Steve whose palm was resting on your bicep from where he was on the couch. 

“It’s ok, baby.”, he soothed softly before addressing Derek. “She did tell us about you. One of her first letters mentioned you and how much she cared about you. It wasn’t until we heard her fucking crying on the phone or saw her broken-hearted face that we started really making any moves.”

“Liar.”

“Pfft, believe what you want. It doesn’t change the fact that she fell for us.”, Eddie seethed as he spit blood on the floor. “And we fell for her. Granted we can’t hide the fact that we wanted to fuck her from day one.”

Derek fully turned to face the metalhead as he continued to mock him with a sadistic smile.

“Oh yeah. We talked all the time about how we were going to fucking ruin her and you want to know the fun part? She wanted it to.” As he whispered his last sentence, your ex ran forward and grabbed Eddie’s collar as the metalhead maniacally laughed. “Fuck, man. You should have seen the way she was when we were calling her a whore and fucking her tied to a mattress. God, Derek, she loves being a bad girl. Was she that way with you?”

He punched Eddie again causing him to laugh harder as he shook his head. 

“I’ll take that as a no. I guess she just needed a real man to fuck her the right way, huh, little boy?”

Derek suddenly howled in pain as you stabbed his leg with the knife you had hidden in your sock from your spot on the floor before Eddie lifted your ex’s arm in the air that was holding the gun. 

As it fired, Steve swiftly jumped into action, tackling him around his neck from behind as both boys wrestled him to the ground. The sound of bones breaking filled the room as Derek’s hand was stepped on and the weapon was slid in your direction that you swiftly picked up and pointed his way. 

“Steve.”, you called as his hands wrapped around the boy’s throat and squeezed. “Steve…”

Both their eyes were dark with something you had never seen from them before. Something you imagine they picked up in prison; that psychotic side that comes with being locked up in a place you don’t belong. Where you are threatened every day and hurt by violent men who have done things you never imagined possible unless you were deranged. 

“Steve.” When he finally let the man go, Derek coughed as he tried to catch his breath. “How did you find us?”

When he didn’t answer, Eddie’s boot pushed on his hand and he screamed in pain. 

“I used a private investigator! The s-same…same guy that helped me…find people for my documentary… We…we assumed you’d come up here…add in that you’re using his mother’s maiden name as your last! I put two and two together! Heh, I’ve been following you around, Y/N, for three days but you didn’t even fucking notice, did you!?”

Steve took the gun from your hand and almost too casually pulled the trigger, firing a bullet into the boy’s other leg. 

“Go ahead. Scream all you want. There’s a huge front coming in so no one’s going to hear. But you knew that didn’t you?”, the former jock calmly relayed before covering the other man’s mouth so he could be heard more clearly. “You just want to be heard my ass. You were going to kill us and take Olivia weren’t you?”

When his lips pouted out, Eddie pushed on his palm again and he relented. 

“YES!”

“And you were just going to kill Y/N?”

His eyes flick to you but Steve’s fingers pinching his jaw force him to look his way again. 

“No. You don’t get to look at her. You don’t even get to speak to her. She’s not yours. She never was.”, he remarks. “The difference between us and you, Derek, is we would literally do anything for her. Funny thing is…none of this would have happened if she had let us kill you the first time we offered…You, her dad, anyone else that got in our way… But every time…she said no. Do you think she’ll say no again, Derek?

Tell her what your plan was. Tell how you were going to kill us and then her. Were you going to offer her to come back home or just get rid of her out right?”

Forcing him to look at you, you saw the truth in his eyes and anger flowed through you. 

“Would you bring her back because you love her or because of the reward? 300K is nice but add in hers… how much is she worth, Derek?”

“One…one hundred grand…”, he whispers. 

“What would you have told our daughter? She’s pretty head strong…I don’t think she would leave without knowing where we were. How would you handle that?”

“Would you hurt her, Derek?”, you whimper through tears and at his nonanswer you step forward to kick his leg where you had stabbed him repeatedly making him cry out before Eddie comes around to collect you in his arms. 

“And we’re the monsters…”, Steve growled as he shook his head. “Did you tell anyone you were coming up here?”

“No.” 

The gun went off again, hitting him in the shoulder and making you jump as the metalhead comforted you. 

“You wouldn’t lie to me now would you, Derek?!”

“NO, FUCKER!”

“Why?”

“He wanted to make a show of it. Be good for his stupid fucking film.”, you hiss through gritted teeth. 

Steve’s eyes raked across you both before rising to his feet and stepping away. Eddie adjusted his body with his back towards your ex and pressed his palm against your cheek till your vision was shielded by his chest.

“Do you want me to do it?”, you heard him ask.

You didn’t jump this time when the gun went off, feeling safe in this man’s arms. 

“No. I got it.”

###################

You remained silent as the three of you quickly got to work. 

Well, you tried to help but neither man would allow it as they wrapped-up Derek’s body and threw it in their car. You stepped forward to go with them to dispose of it but once again a silent palm stopped you as they disappeared out the door. 

Four hours later, they came home to a clean-living room and the sound of the shower running in the bedroom. 

You weren’t startled when the glass door slid open and both men climbed in on either side of you. They weren’t sure if you had just started or had been disassociating the whole time because while the bathroom was fogged up with steam, your arms and cheeks still had traces of blood along your skin. 

The dirt and blood that was attached to theirs began to easily glide of them as the water hit their flesh and you couldn’t help yourself when your fingers reached up to lightly graze Eddie’s nose where Derek hit him. 

His face visibly flinched even as he tried to hide it but still allowed you to move his hair to the side to see where the bruise was beginning to form where the gun barrel hit his forehead.

Cupping his cheeks in your hands, you tilted his head so you could place a light feathery kiss along the wound and his breath hit your chest as he exhaled at the action before falling to his knees to tenderly kissing your stomach. 

Steve’s own lips gently trailed along your shoulder to your neck as he utilized the washcloth to clean your arms and hands. 

A low moan left you when you felt the metalhead’s tongue lick a line through your folds till his mouth wrapped around your clit. The other boy continued to clean you, lightly tilting your head back so he could get your face before passionately kissing your lips. 

You winced slightly and his eyes clouded over with anger at the light purple along your cheek bone where Derek had smacked you. 

Both men were still in that dark headspace, you could see it in their irises. 

You wondered how to get them back to you as the coil in your belly began to wind. Not because you were afraid but because you wanted them to be happy.

They deserved to be happy. 

Steve’s arms wrapped securely around you as you pressed your back into his chest, whimpering as pleasure washed over you and you came. Even as you trembled, Eddie’s tongue didn’t stop its assault as you rode out your high. 

Your palm limply pulled at his bicep and as he rose to his feet you sunk to your knees taking both their cocks in your hands. The pretty boy rushed forward to capture his lips with his own, groaning against the other as your own mouth enveloped the man in front you while you pumped the one beside you. 

Once Steve had Eddie free of dirt and grime, the metalhead took over and cleaned the man he loved. Steve’s fingers threaded through your hair as you switched and bobbed your head, taking his length as far back as you could before doing the same with Eddie. 

The sound of their kisses and light touches continued above you till you heard the sound of one of them turning off the faucet. 

Eddie lifted you from the porcelain and threw you over his shoulder as he carried you to the bed without even bothering to dry you or himself. After tossing you onto your back, he opened your legs, lifting one over his shoulder and guiding himself into your entrance. 

The man set a brutal pace as he leaned over you, pressing your knee to your chest. 

“F-Fuck, Sir. Right…Right there.”

Eddie grunted in response as his head hung and he thrust his hips. Steve appeared above you and your back arched when his palms kneaded your breast and his thumbs lightly ran along your erect nipples. 

Keeping his own hands pressed against your thighs, Eddie leaned back on to his knees and the other boy crawled over to spit on your clit making him groan loudly as he pulled out abruptly to rub the tip of his cock along the man’s saliva. 

Craning your neck, you watched as Eddie beckoned him with his finger and pushed his head against your nub as he pushed himself back inside you. 

Your eyes rolled as hand blindly reached out to run your nails down Steve’s back. 

Screaming louder than you had in a long while, you came hard around him causing Eddie to grip your hips and pound his length roughly inside of you till you felt his release paint your walls. 

They changed places so fast your pussy was still quivering when Steve guided his dick into your hole. 

“Goddamn it.”

Lifting both legs over his shoulders, he clung to your thighs as he aggressively thrust into you. 

“Fuck—Daddy…”

The bed underneath you began to shake while you clung to his biceps and his head hung. Neither of them were looking at you and it was killing you. As your fingers reached for his chin, he promptly pinned your wrist to the mattress below but when you tried with your other, he slapped it away and circled his fingers around your throat. 

Steve didn’t even realize where his palm was until he heard you and Eddie passionately kissing as your tongues danced together. Releasing you, he utilized his thumb to play with your overstimulated nub between your legs and you panted his title against the other boy’s lips as you came. 

He soon followed, opening your limbs wide as he watched himself pump his cum deep inside you. 

Heavy pants filled the room as the three of you tried to catch your breath. 

Blinking, he pulled away from you and rose to his feet.

“Why does this feel like that first night after you fucked me?” Your voice caused Steve to pause as he turned to face you now sitting up to fully face them. “Why do I feel like you’re about to leave me?”

“We’re not leaving you—”

“But you’re going somewhere?”, you interrupt with distain. 

“We think it’s best if we stay in a hotel for a couple of days.”

“Why?”, you hiss. “Give me one good goddamn reason why you would leave me and Olivia after what just happened.”

“We’re leaving FOR you and Olivia.”

“Oh, bullshit, Eddie. If that’s what you’re telling yourself so you feel better about this then fuck you.” Rising off the bed, you stomp towards the closet, pulling down a suitcase and tossing it on the bed. “Go ahead. Leave. Go do everything by yourselves again without trusting me.”

“That’s not what this is, Y/N.”, Steve growled. 

Ignoring him, you absently pulled one of their shirts over your head and randomly grabbed others to throw into the luggage. He grabbed your wrist to stop you but you promptly turned around and shoved his chest. 

“Don’t fucking touch me! I’m tired of this! Why are you running and leaving me alone again, huh!? Why?! Why are you leaving me again when I need you!!”, you screamed as you kept shoving him, your voice cracking at the hoarseness. “I thought you fucking trusted me now!”

“We do! We don’t trust ourselves!!”, he shouted, gripping your forearms and chuckling under his breath as he pushed you lightly on to the bed. “You think you understand everything, little girl, but you don’t. We may have been innocent when we went in but we aren’t anymore. I just killed someone, honey, and I don’t fucking care. I don’t.”

“You think I don’t know that? Remember, like you said, you offered to kill him in past. What? Were you just fucking with me to make me feel better?”

“No, Y/N, we weren’t.”, Eddie murmured as he continued to glare towards the floor. “But this is the first we actually allowed that headspace to take over…to become the monster’s they think we are… We want to go away for a couple of days to fully get back out of it.”

“Why can’t you do that here? I’m not afraid of you. I’ve never been afraid of you.”

“We don’t want to hurt you…”

“Or Olivia.”

“Oh my god.”, you breathe as you sarcastically laugh and stand up as you try to control your tears. “If I thought for one second, you were capable of that I would have left you a long time ago. You would never hurt our daughter or me…physically anyway. Because this…”, you gesture absently around you. “…fucking hurts. I knew…you’d protect us. What you did out there…that was you protecting us… You’re not him.”

As you start to sob, you hear bare feet scoot across the carpet before you’re encased in arms and lifted back on to the bed. Your arms cling to Steve as you push your face into his chest while Eddie’s fingers brush your hair away from your face and you hear a loud bang as he kicks the suitcase to the floor. 

“You really weren’t afraid of us?”, he whispers almost cautiously as if he’s afraid of the answer. 

“No.”

“I kept picturing him hurting you or Olivia and I just—” Your lips on Steve’s cut him off before gently trailing down his chin to his collarbone. “I’m sorry, honey. I’m sorry you had to experience all this.”

After licking your palm, you reach behind you and Eddie moans in your ear as you stroke his cock. 

“I’m sorry he had to throw a wrench into everything. You both deserve to be happy.”

“So do you, sweetheart.” While he spoke, Eddie lifted your leg over the other man’s hip who held on to your thigh as he lifted it up further. “You’re not sore or anything right? We weren’t too rough?”

“No, you weren’t, baby.” Reaching over you, Steve held your ass open as the other man guided himself inside you once more. “Fuck, Eddie.”

Collecting some of your slick and remnants of their cum, the pretty boy easily slid his length into your pussy again as he licked his lips at the feeling. 

“Say my name, Y/N. M-Moan my name like you did with him.”

“Steve.”

“Yeeeeees, baby.”, he grunted as they both set a much slower pace than they had used before. 

Taking Eddie’s hand in yours, you held it to your chest, pulling him closer to you as he kissed the nape of your neck. 

“I love you…so much—shit—Thank you for…protecting us.”

Steve’s arm extends out to rest on Eddie’s lower back and the other boy responds by doing the same. 

“We love you to…fuck, m’not gonna last long.”, the metalhead whines as they rolled their hips and you practically felt their cocks grinding against each other inside you.

“Please, Eddie…Steve…make me cum again.”

Lost in you and themselves, they firmly pounded into you in tandem till you felt yourself shutter between them as your climax hit you hard. It was more than they could take and Steve finished first as he released his seed into your cunt for the second time that night. Eddie soon followed, digging his nails into the boy’s skin as he came in your behind. 

***

When they woke up and you weren’t between them, both men panicked as they threw on their boxers and ran into the living room. When they saw you were safe out back, they put on some pajama pants and jackets to see what you were up to. 

Placed in front of the grill, you had a small fire going but it wasn’t until they looked down that they noticed you were burning Derek’s ID’s and passport. 

“I went through his bag and it seems like he didn’t stay in a hotel. Just pretty much came straight here. He brought one change of clothes, his camera, and his notebook. I went through the footage and he mentions something like how he ‘spoke to people in town’ and they told him about a little girl about Olivia’s age at an ‘orphanage’. He, um, he implied that we most likely ‘couldn’t handle being on the run with a baby’ and left her behind.”, you sigh as your eyes meet theirs. “He WAS going to kill us and take her.”

Eddie pulled you into his arms and kissed your forehead as Steve pet your hair. 

“I also went through the notebook and he made little notes from the PI. I guess they found out where we sold the stolen car and assumed we rode a bus to one of the cities around here. He went searching by himself from there so I don’t think anyone knows he came up here.”

“Hunch strong enough to stay or should we move to another city?”

“That’s up to you. I believe we’re safe but if we really need to go then it’s what we need to do. How’s your head?”, you ask as your cold hands touch his cut that was now bandaged. 

“It’s alright. Little fucker didn’t hit me too hard.” Eddie smiles when you grin up at him. “Y/N, sweetheart, we’re sorry about last night. You know we never want to hurt or leave you.”

“I know.”, you reply sullenly as your gaze shifts towards the fire. “I know. I forgive you.”

Steve’s fingers reach for your chin and turn you to meet his eyes. 

“Y/N, we’ve been through so much and prison changes you whether you’re innocent or not. I think…sometimes we need to be reminded that we aren’t bad people.”

Pushing up on your tip toes, you kiss his lips before turning to do the same with Eddie.

“You’re not bad people. Like I said, I wouldn’t be here with you if you were.”

##############

You smile wide as Steve playfully whips out his sunglasses like James Bond and puts them on as he continues to drive. 

“Dada, where are we going?”

“Anywhere you want, baby.”, he answers as his eyes flick to the rearview mirror to meet her gaze. “We were thinking we could go on an adventure and find a new home.”

“W-Why can’t we stay at our home?”

“Remember, sweetheart, how I told you that daddy and dada had some adventures of their own before you were born?” Eddie waits for her to nod as he places his arm behind her seat. “Well Uncle Derek…isn’t really your uncle. He’s a spy for the evil king who runs the land we hail from.”

Olivia’s eyes widen as she glances your way and you nod with an equally wide expression. 

“Me, mommy, and dada sent him back to his kingdom and gave him a warning that should he ever come looking again we shall fight to the death!”, he declares in a deep voice that makes her giggle. “But we still need to make sure our princess is safe so we’re moving to a new castle.”

She nods seemingly in understanding as Eddie winks in your direction. 

“So, where do you want to go, honey?”

“I don know. Where do you wanna go, mommy?”

“Hm. What about Greenland? Right here?” Lifting up the roadmap, you show her with your finger. “Maybe we can find a house by the bay here. Listen to the water every night.”

“I like it! Dada, we go to Green-Land!”

“You got it, princess Olivia.”, Steve beams as he reaches over to hold your hand. 

Eddie’s arm circles around your seat as he leans over to kiss your cheek. 

“Is that ok?”, you ask them quietly as you rub the man’s arm with you free pam. 

“Yeah, baby. It’s perfect. We’d go anywhere as long as we’re with you. We may be free from prison but you’re stuck with us for life, sweetheart.”

##############

@lemme-slytherin-that-dick @micheledawn1975 @paleidiot @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @noooah @baileebear @dashingdeb16 @nailbatanddungeon @rockmusiciscalming12 @mikeyswifie @poofyloofy @eddiexmunsonlover @dreamliners @munsonmoonshine86 @bexreadstoomuch @kitkat80 @myherometalhead @hardladyheart @sheisjoeschateau @chelebelletx @yesimabratandwhataboutot @cherryxhaze @utterlyinsanity @peachy-bunnns

[acidblum]

— Яitual ¹

Rockstar!Ellie Williams x Vampire!Reader (w/c: 2.2k)

DO NOT BUY TLOU

AO3 MASTERLIST/SERIES MAS.

⚠︎ WARNINGS: +18 MINORS/MEN DNI, reader isn't mentioned as much in this part, talks of animal consumption, sisterly banter, nothing that bad. no mentions of readers skin colour or hair texture.

ⓘ A/N: AAAAHHHHH y’all i’m super excited to start this, this chapter is a bit short and there isn’t much dialogue but i promise the next one will have more of that, i can’t wait for y’all to meet our feisty reader. i’d love to know your thoughts and all that so don’t hold back <3

a cruel big ball of nothingness. is what this world is, at least to Ellie, a rebel in hindsight should’ve never rebelled. with a heart that yearned for the unknown, a love for something bigger that was never sedated.

one could look at her and think nothing of her but a wannabe rockstar, merely looking for fame, with a level of charm that was unmatched. She got away with everything she did, coming back to the hotel after gigs with girls hanging off of her arms like trophies, waking up the next day with no memory of it at all and kicking said girls whose names she didn’t bother even learning out with no remorse. getting drunk and high like no other motherfucker in New York.

Ellie grew up in Boston with the dream of becoming just like her father, he taught her how to hit the chords right and to strum a classical guitar with soul. From then and to his disdain she switched to playing an electric guitar, making him go through many sleepless nights and a lot of yelling and shouting filling up the two story—usually very calm and tranquil house.

she also ached to be like her sister, Sarah. perfect in every way, soft with no hard edges, a pure angel who does no ill whatsoever. who did try to smoke a cig with Ellie and her friends that one time “ellie please let me try..just this one time i swearrr” big brown eyes pleading her sister even though she knows who’ll be kicked out for the night if their dad finds out. “hmph..You’re about to get me in big trouble sis” she coughed from the first inhale she dared to take—meanwhile it was second nature to Ellie from the first try, and there was no way of stopping her afterwards.

painting her room black opposite to Sarah's pink colorful and very sunny one, coming home reeking of pot, body littered with hickeys, and bloodshot eyes—getting a head shake of disappointment from her big guy. driving her truck drunk out of her mind, getting arrested and spending the night in jail as a punishment from her dad. She was mature enough to know what was right and what was crossing the line— yet she loved acting as if she didn't.

When Jesse started playing the drums and Dina was already on bass, with ellie as their front man they decided to form a nu metal band together, dina came up with the name. The Lost Of Us. and it was just something silly in their minds to pass the time by. Eventually prompting them to move in together, they started doing small gigs here and there, whilst uploading their videos on YouTube. Until a record label from New York reached out to them and they sure would’ve been dumb to refuse the generous offer.

because now they are one of the most popular bands in the entire planet, doing numbers and topping charts left and right. Everyone who claimed they were satanic and doubted them heard them on the radio and it was least to say.. inescapable

𓃭

and then there's your mother who had you and three of your immortal siblings, you were the youngest, she loved you like no other which prompted utter jealousy from your siblings, in the end favoritism existed even among the undead.

your childhood was filled of conversations that could be said to be silly and downright gory—which at least kept the household a tad bit alive

“mother can i eat Riley’s bunny for dinner?”

she tuts “no that’s the eleventh rabbit now” when your sister comes in view from the other side of the spacious dining room. hitting the table after taking a seat “she is such a spoiled cunt!”

“language Riley..you will respect each other” prompting the both of you to murmur “yes mother” flipping your older sister the bird with a mischievous glint. making the rest of your siblings laugh quietly at the both of your antics.

you're the one that ought to be hidden, for your allure was out of this world. not even the underworld could deny how divine and breathtaking u are, a menace? yes you are. leaving scattered bodies all over the fort and sucking the forbidden fruit dry. but everything can be looked over when you look like that.

You were always a lover of music, back then and now. you’ve encountered many good musicians, heard and befriended the best of them. roamed the world and lived many lives under many different names and identities—for safety purposes.

rumor says that your kind cannot mingle in the sun for a millisecond which isn’t all that wrong, you’ve gone the extra mile of asking a very dear friend of yours who is a psychic to orchestrate a special ring to keep your vessel from turning into ashes.

𓃭

"hey Ells uhmm Dina says we should head to the studio to check out this guy's samples?" Jesse peeps over the door into Ellie's room who’s sitting on the bean bag in their hotel suite "yeah sure just lemme get my phone" standing up, stretching her arms, shaking off the drowsiness, she picks her phone from the table and walks behind Jesse.

"gosh i told you to go get her what took you so long" Dina stands with her hands on her waist wearing a turtleneck sweater with black jeans and black boots "what, i had to go pee first" he whispers making Dina groan before taking the suite card out and locking the door.

With Jesse driving and Dina beside him Ellie sat in the backseat. pulling out her headphones from her jeans back pocket and putting them on she puts her Spotify on shuffle to Type O Negative, before her nose picks up on the most enchanting smell she's ever smelt and she can't even pinpoint where exactly this smell is coming from " y'all smelling this?" Dina looks at her " hm smelling what? ew Jesse did u fart are u serious right now" she shakes her head while Jesse is laughing his ass off "no why the fuck do i smell this right now"

"i think you're just sleepy Ells, just nap till we get there"

and she does just that. waking up to a blood curdling scene where she's standing in front of a mirror, naked as the day she was born in some type of a chamber with an unknown woman standing behind her in a red robe. Fangs bared with red eyes that are looking into her soul she tries to look around but sees nothing other than dead bodies lying around, on the bed, inside the bathtub and all over the floor with blood and the smell of it everywhere.

she looks back at the woman with nostrils flaring, tears welling up in horror that she can't even move her pinky finger, a sharp fingernail running from her waist to her pebbled nipple and flick, she tries to breathe in at the feeling that is almost too real, but feels like there is not enough air in her lungs to do so.

voices start whispering around her figure, the woman behind her inching closer to sink her fangs into Ellie's neck.

she jumps up feeling dread and utter fear, breathing in and out "Jesus fuck Ells you scared me” Dina looks at Ellie in confusion wanting ask more “what wa-“

Before Jesse cuts her “we’re here” she feels the cold sweat with her hand "yeah I'm awake shut up” spitting the words out harsher than intended to no one in particular. trying to come back to her senses.

They all get out of the car, her nose still plagued with the rich smell of the perfume, and the eyes of that certain woman who couldn’t be real. She tries to remind herself that vampires don’t actually exist.

They head inside with their manager, before meeting with this 'guy' their manager talks about "I swear you're gonna like this one" . He said that about the last producer and he sucked ass. Dina chuckles "you already said that last time mickey, what's his name?" mickey was one hell of a manager, he wasn’t a very well known one in the industry but he ran a tight circle that opened many doors for the band. clearing his throat uncomfortably " Orpheus, i mean he looks a bit sick as fuck but you'll like his music". Dina looks at Jesse mouthing at him "a weirdo?"

“ just like you dee, guess we found your twin”

Mickey opens the door motioning for them to head in, the air shifting around to this weird cold feeling making them all shiver before the producer greets Ellie with a stretched hand “Orpheus, nice to finally meet the band”. for a second there she swore his eyes turned red, full on questioning her sanity “yea…hey man” shaking his freezing hand, showing him a half uninterested smile before heading to the couch on the corner of the dark dimly lit brown room. Taking out her phone scrolling aimlessly.

He plays the sample and all of a sudden she’s very interested in what this guy has to offer, going to stand beside him “can we keep the backup vocals?”

“yeah of course but i’ll have to get permission from the hired vocalist”

“u need permission for that??”

“yeah trust me i better then not to get this one’s, we 100% need to do so”

he heads outside the door seemingly calling someone, she shrugs before going to the drinks tray on the right corner of the room. filled with expensive drinks and liquor that dates back to the 1950s, definitely should be displayed in a museum.

“hey Jesse get your ass over here n check this out”

“what”

“look at this bottle man”

pushing the bottle close to his face, she got so close to breaking it on his nose before he read it and turned to Dina.

“this is wild i swear dee you have to see this”

she replies in an agitated tone “stop being such kids n sit the fuck down guys” murmuring incoherent words under her breath before going to check on the producer opening the door as tiny as she could eavesdropping at him

“yes ma’am o-of course…no your younger sister will hear none of this"

he instantly spots her, turning her way with his eyes looking straight into her soul with a smile that's not quite reaching his eyes. sending shivers down her body. she closes the door so slowly with pressed lips “whoops”.

Staying for a couple of hours in the studio was no feat for the trio, but staying in a dark weirdly decorated one that smells like the most expensive musk which also had them feeling jittery was something else entirely, the producer worked amazingly with them but the vibe was entirely off, especially for Ellie whom after that weird dream couldn't get her lyrics right most of the recording session.

After wrapping it up everyone bids their goodbyes before heading to the hotel to prepare for their awaited show where their makeup and costume staff is waiting for them which also gives them no time to rest.

𓃭

“Can i get a cup of hot chocolate please Suzanne”

Ellie says to their assistant from her place on the makeup chair sighing while a makeup artist is doing a subtle dark shimmery look on her, she’s already wearing her signature fit of black on black with hints of chrome and a few patches here and there on her black jacket.

“Gosh you do actually never beat the loser allegations” Dina comes in before taking her seat beside Ellie in front of the very lit mirror.

“You claim that but I saw you with your tongue down Jesse's throat in an alley last week, much for being the bisexual of the band huh?” she looks back at her with a gaping mouth “yeah i saw that” Ellie taunts and Dina cannot but flip Ellie the bird, continuing on putting her spike earrings on.

“Do you think we should tease one of the new songs?”

“Eh no?..unless you’d like to give Mickey a heart attack??”

“I mean it’ll be funny seeing his face backstage while he's losing it” Jesse sits beside Dina putting one leg on top of the other on top of the dressing table looking at her longingly while she’s putting on some mascara. Stretching his hand to put it on her waist without Ellie seeing. “Bro I can literally see you from the mirror wha-...”

She’d rather die than third wheel these two, especially with them being in a whole band and finally gaining recognition ain’t no way this is going to be another fleetwood mac experience for her. She might’ve had a bit of a crush on Dina and maybe smoked pot with her and ended up making out on their beat up sofa. Which could also mean it's a bit too late for her to not let them live it out.

Before any of the two respond with anything the screams of their fans catches Ellie’s attention before Jessica is back with the hot chocolate and their headworn microphones

“You’re out in 30 c’mon guys i need you to kill this” Mickey comes in before doing the rock on as hard as he could, seeing the disapproval of everyone including the assistants, clearing his throat he takes a seat on the chair drinking his bottle of water as if nothing happened.

taglist 🗞️:

© 2024 acidblum, All Rights Reserved.

[hasellia]

Jax didn't change. At all. He is still the same arsehole from the first time we saw him.

From what I remember; he was dismissive of Ragatha, manipulated an emotionally vulnerable Kinger, pushed Gangle to her potential death and didn't give two fucks that Kaufmo died of dismay. All in episode 1

What changed, is that the audience saw what happens we Jax doesn't get his way.

Jax doesn't just seem "disappointed" here. He seems seething, like a child, and we get a good wide close up of his face just to make it's clear he's absolutely not happy in any way.

Episode 2 seems to be setting up how different people react to being in a seemingly inescapable scenario, a la time loop nihilism.

You have Pomni and Ragatha who try to reach out to others, trying to build a supportive collective. There's Kinger and Gangle, who are stuck in survival mode and need that support assistance. Not everyone is in the mental position to help out as they want to be. With enough time and reassurance, Gangle may be able to break out of her insecurities. Kinger... I'm saying this as someone who relates to Kinger the most out of the cast: I think my king is stuck with his chronic anxiety and neurodivergencies. Someone give him a Lexam and Intuitive. So with Jax...

Jax is playing a video game. To him, this is just Undertale with multiplayer and he wants to see what happens on the genocide route. He's so under stimulated for meaning that he wants to fuck around and find out. If you want to find out what happens in a boring co-op game, what's funnier? Jumping into the enemy pit yourself, or getting your buddy to jump in instead. He may not even see the main cast as other players. What separates Gumigoo from Ragatha? The princess? The goop monsters? ... Kaufmo? Jax just might have lost his sense of humanity in everything but himself. Cogito ergo sum. I think Jax is meant to be a criticism of people who unironically think everyone is varying degrees of those NPC roleplay videos.

So yeah, I never saw Jax as Bugs Bunny. He was always a toxic League of Legends player stuck in VR coop game to me. We're just thankfully spared of his gamer words. Maybe when we see more of Zooble, we'll see someone stand up to him. No promises.

[holybibly]

Bunnies, I'm in a good mood today, so I'm going to give you a little teaser of my upcoming work with Hwa. I'm going to raise the bar for fanfic writing by creating the most gothic and decadent universe possible. It's a vicious mix of Interview with the Vampire and Dracula, so if you don't like bloody luxury, I feel so sorry for you.

It has always been like this, and it will always be like this—people avoid the village that stands beside the sinister Gothic castle where, according to legend, a beautiful midnight somnambulist holds the guilty legacy of his bloodthirsty ancestors. Dressed in an ancient coronation robe, the magnificent prince of vampires sits alone in his dark, vast house, under the watchful eye of his mad and terrible ancestors, who stare at him from faded portraits, each of them prolonging their dreary posthumous existence through him. He spreads the tarot cards, tirelessly constructing endless constellations of indeterminate possibilities, as if a chance fall of cards on a regal, bloody velvet tablecloth could take him out of this cold, shuttered room and into a land of eternal summer and human warmth, erasing his heart's ancient sadness and allowing him to feel the love for the one who embodies both life and death simultaneously.

His voice is full of the distant echoes of long-forgotten love poems, like an echo that has resounded beneath the layers of the earth: "You have traveled to a place from which there is no return; you have traveled to a place from which there is no return. And he himself is like a dark dungeon filled with lonely echoes—a system of repetition, a closed circle. He is so handsome that his beauty appears unnatural; his beauty is an anomaly, a perfect defect, for in none of his hypnotic features is there even a suggestion of the poignant imperfection manifested in the imperfection of human existence. His beauty is the sign of a fatal disease; his blood is full of poison; and his black tears are the sign of the absence of a soul in him. 

The elegant hands of the beautiful denizens of darkness are the guides of the hand of fate. The nails on his hands are long and sharpened like steel daggers. These nails and teeth—beautiful, glistening in the darkness like snow under the light of the moon—are visible signs of his inescapable fate, which he so desperately tries to escape with magical powers. His claws and teeth have been honed by centuries of brutal wars and bloody orgies; he is the last descendant of a poisonous, barren tree that took root in a time when men worshipped blind gods and the forces of nature. 

As soon as the flaming sun sets, he rises from his luxurious bed and goes to the table, and sitting at that table, he plays his patient game until hunger awakens in him—an insatiable, scorching hunger that burns his whole being. 

[legend-as-old-as-time]

I have another angsty subplot about the Turaga Metru and Dume, just maybe even worse? I say subplot because it fits into other plot bunnies of mine, like the one where Dume threatens them with the vahki in frustration.

The turaga somehow get old documents - maybe from a locked safe in Metru Nui? - that chart the amount of new matoran made over time. They go over the numbers because this affected them once and they are curious. Maybe Dume is currently sick, so they're doing this work for him, going through old documents to decide what should or could be kept?

They don't expect to find a hidden compartment with more documents. Or maybe the notes are between others because of a mix-up. And these notes paint a different picture. An additional picture.

They don't only track the numbers of new matoran created, but also how many casualties they were replacing. A different document lists the most common causes of deaths and the numbers.

All of the turaga lost at least one acquaintance or friend as matoran in Metru Nui. They knew people died, and thought it an unfortunate and inescapable fact that people died. The numbers, however. The numbers shock even Whenua. Differences existed between the Metru, but that didn't change that even the numbers for Ga-Metru were too high.

The casualities dropped a bit after the Toa Mangai were established, but soon enough were roughly at the same level again. Accidents, vahki, rampaging rahi.

How can that be?

Each report carries Dume's signature, showing that he had read them.

Before they have the time to ask him, chaos breaks loose a Teridax takes control of the GSR. The documents stay on their mind, questions and confusion and fear churning. None of the answers written to the reports mentioned any plans to improve on safety, only how to more effectively and timely create new matoran and get the needed materials.

I like this idea because it not only adds to fracturing of the turaga's perception of Dume, but also destroys their perception and memories of Metru Nui. They didn't know this was happening. Yes, some of them were spotting the signs but they didn't make the connection and thought it normal (Whenua) or thought it only affected one Metru (Onewa).

Just- this creeping realization that they were never safe. Even with the Toa Mangai at their height, they were never safe. Nor was anybody else who once lived in the city and landed with them on the island. They couldn't trust Dume with the matoran's wellbeing.

(Now add my plotbunnies related to the Great Beings, and it leads close to my other plotbunny about the Turaga Metru having a collective emotional and mental breakdown as a fusion.)

[sideysvault]

࿔‧ ֶָ֢˚˖‧ Innocent echoes ࿔‧ ֶָ֢˚˖‧

Pairing: Roman Roy x fem!OC.

This fic is based on the work of the wonderful and talented @beechu-beechu, this story is all based on her OC, her beautiful illustrations and her story ideas.

wc: 1,200k

Tags: [sfw] Mature themes, Parental abuse, Suicidal ideation, Childhood friends, friends to lovers.

────────

Before getting inside the bush Roman looked over his shoulder to make sure no one was watching. It was five past six, still early in the evening, in a town in upstate New York. Inside the confines of the Terrace Room, yet another shareholder meeting was taking place. Outside, the extravagantly lit patio seemed peaceful enough.

The expensive setting, however, couldn’t hide the ghostly profile of the building against the sky. Echoes of the chatter inside could still be heard, barely, seamlessly merging with the chirping noise the crickets were beginning to make. Murky and gloomy, yes, but there was nothing in sight to fear.

With a new-found determination, the one stride of confidence that not being seen always gives you, Roman took a deep breath. He tried to concentrate on the nice earthy odor filling his lungs as he crawled under the bush.

The little rabbit, with its pristine white and as innocent as it looked, seemed to have a life of its own; Escaping from his grip, laughing at his inadequacy, forcing him to go further inside the wooden warren, forcing him to drag his limbs through the recently sprayed dirt.

The contained gasps that were coming out of Cecilia weren’t helping either. Roman felt the pressure to save the stuffed animal stirring in the pit of his stomach. It did not even matter if she could buy a hundred bunnies just like that one, CeCe’s earnest anxiety made him let go of his initial precautions and convinced him to push his face against the rootstock. With that move, Roman was finally able to grab the damn thing.

When he crawled out of the bush, all it took for him to know was one glance at his white trousers.

His father was going to kill him.

Rome almost forgot about the inevitability of the reprimand as soon as he felt the girl’s tight grip around his neck, as soon as he could smell how nice her perfume was. At the end of the day, that was all that really mattered. It had been worth it. Cecelia had given him the most sincere hug he would ever receive, and he was the one who got her plushie back to safety.

With all the tension suddenly off her shoulders, Cece was laughing all of her worries off, suddenly in a good mood now. She hugged him one more time, and thanked Roman for finding her bunny.

“Keep an eye out on your stupid rabbit”

────────

Cece and Roman were hiding inside the bathroom hall. Logan had taken a swing at his son’s face in front of everyone: Cecilia’s family, businessmen, the staff, and other clients. Roman had made the terrible mistake of ordering the most expensive thing on the menu.

The girl had initially thought a few meters and some walls may be enough to calm Roman’s nerves. However, even young as she was, she already had an increasing suspicion that fear was a cathedral of its own, insidious, indefatigable and inescapable.

“Your daddy is really scary, I’m so-”

“Shut up” the boy’s response was plagued with defensiveness. And it had only made his discomfort more evident.

Cecilia wasn’t sure what had hurt more, the humiliation or the ring on Mr. Logan’s index finger.

Roman averted his gaze in an effort to look anywhere but the girl's eyes, fixating instead on the ridiculous color of her puffy dress. While grabbing the back of his head with his hand, —partially to seem unbothered, but mainly to avoid letting her see the redness on his right cheek— he focused on the synthetic fabric on the skirt. How it weaved itself smoothly with a soft wavy pattern.

“Can I show you my plushie collection? I promise Banana will behave this time and stay close. You two can become-“

A soft smile emerged from his face. Cece was trying to make him feel better. She did not seem embarrassed for the redness on his face, she did not laugh the whole thing off, she seemed sincere.

“Okay, okay. Sure”.

────────

In the lead-up to their makeshift wedding, Connor and Willa decided to host their rehearsal dinner at The Grill. She wasn’t completely sure if it was the wedding itself that sickened her or if it was all the tacky 50’s-inspired extravaganza. Still, the end result was the same: Cecilia couldn’t handle being in the venue any second longer. Feeling her own neck contracting in on itself, squeezing the air out of her body, choking her and leaving her dizzy.

The only salvageable part of the ceremony was the expansive view of the midtown space that the balcony offered. And, while the martinis and the nicotine smoke obfuscated the pristine taste of the meal, she could still savor the rather tasty rib she had eaten earlier that night.

It was a nice taste to savor. The ideal last meal of many, she supposed. Taking a slow puff of her cigarette, Cecilia took morbid delight in parading near the edge of the deck. The water from the pool made a soothing sound, and it matched perfectly with the vertiginous view that plagued her vision. Would it hurt terribly? To slip into the opening?

“Hey, Holly! Are you done pretending you have the balls to jump off?”

Right. Rome. A smile replaces the troubled look on her face as she clumsily sits on the floor, carelessly removing the heels of her feet. They were in public, yes, but as usual, it did have a terrible importance to either of them. Cecilia tipped her toes inside the pool, but the weather had made the liquid impossibly cold.

She laughs. They must look pathetic. Taking another hit from the cigarette, she lets the sour taste of the tobacco ground her. She inhales and holds it in for a second, as she closes her eyes.

Cece can feel Roman’s poorly concealed worry wash over her. His puppy eyes disfigured with a frown that seemed of their own. Cecilia playfully blows the smoke on his face. He has nothing to worry about. Not today.

“Look, I stole a napkin” Roman had revealed it with a proud grin on his face. The woman lets out a snort, she can’t really help it.

With the swift changes on the breeze, they quietly decide to exchange tokens. Rome takes the cigarette off her hand and she further inspects the cloth. The small and ridiculously silver W&C on the left side of the tissue was rendered small when you compared it to the poorly drawn rabbit Roman had made with blue ink. The bunny was winking at her, and it wore the same white bow her plushie had all those years ago.

She smiles again, and he makes a point of avoiding looking at her now exposed thighs. The rising skirt seemed to go all the way up, exposing pulp flesh, which was filled with small patches. She must be starting to feel cold. Cecilia looks at him, once more, only this time shy teary pearls adorned her gaze.

Sitting on the floor, Roman hugs her by the side, and kisses her temple. He has nothing to worry about. Not today. 

────────

Notes: I hope everyone enjoyed this! And I hope that I made justice to Beechu’s oc <3. (I took a loot of creative liberties) Have a great time and take care of one another, I’m not from the US, but my heart goes out to everyone who might be suffering from the election results. My dms are always open, you are not alone!

Pd: If you saw me take inspo from Gabriel García Márquez of all people for the first paragraph: No you didn’t. I’m sorry literature gods.

- Sidey xoxo

Anyways, Enjoy @beechu-beechu’s cool artwork tho:

[7grandmel]

Rip of the week: 04/11/2024

You Are Sus

Season 5 Featured on: SiIvaGunner's Highest Quality Rips: Volume D

Ripped by Retro Gaming

Requested by Corb! (Request Form)

I've written a fair amount already on here about my somewhat...muted feelings, regarding Season 5 of the SiIvaGunner channel. It was, retrospectively, a sort of transitional year for the team, as they had to officially move past the King for Another Day Tournament after over two years of fixating on it, not to mention how large parts of the team had left during those years due to creative and personal differences. It's a net good in the end that the channel team wound up finally being free of the edgy assholes that had festered since the dark days of 2016, yet this transition left 2021 in particular feeling a bit...lost, in terms of long-term goals for the channel. We were, of course, still getting stellar rips as always; be it the remaining old guard showing tremendous growth with rips like Hopes and Divinity+, or fresh faces like R.L.99 from Through the F-F-Fire and the F-F-Flame and Memmy from Welcome to 2021! They finally invented summers that hurt motherfuckers😂 only at sonicforces​.​com making immediately memorable first impressions to help pave the way for the future of the channel...yet taken on the whole, it can be hard for me to remember just what Season 5 of SiIvaGunner in particular was aiming to prove.

As fate would have it, however, a set of huge events in the online world wound up happening in the lead-up to 2021, the very year of this initial uncertainty for the channel. The channel was no stranger to responding to ongoing online trends – Plains of Des-passing-to was far from the only upload of its ilk – yet the events in question had such a magnitude to them, to where it was as if SiIvaGunner's responses to them wound up inadvertedly defining the entire year's Season, in part defining the channel's whole legacy. The most obvious example is in the year's April Fools event; The Disappearance of Super Mario, rather than playing with the expectation and goals of the SiIvaGunner channel itself the way that ...of 2023 did with Season 7, was instead entirely built on an existing online joke that had been bubbling in the gaming community for the course of multiple months, one I covered pretty succinctly back on Your Best Nightmario and Mario Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Princess.

The second of these events would be the initial release of Friday Night Funkin' and the immediate surge of popularity it came with; doubtlessly, the SiIvaGunner team's choice to provide matching visuals for every rip of the game as shown on Satinpanties Symphony and Satin PantE's wound up giving the channel tons of attention from new fans, and over three years later it feels as if the culture of SiIvaGunner is inextricably linked with the youthful punk spirit still keeping FNF alive. Yet most momentous of all, above the aforementioned two events, there was a third that would end up festering into 2021 of SiIvaGunner, not through thematic coherence or through the die-hard passion of any one ripper in particular, but through sheer force of overexposure and comedic value; 2021 was, indeed, the rise and inescapable plateau of all forms of imposters, crewmates, tasks and sussy bakas; At last, it is time to talk about AMONG US, and time to talk about You Are Sus.

I've had the request for this rip in particular stuck in my head for months on end, awaiting a proper time to cover it; I've scraped the very surface of Among Us' presence on SiIvaGunner on here beforehand through Among Drip Drop Galaxy, and it's been looming over this blog since near its very beginning all the way back on Big Sus Chocobo. Yet to try and comprehend all that Among Us is feels nigh impossible: more than a video game, more than a phenomena, Among Us took the entire shitposting world by inexplicable storm and mutated like a virus into what feels like several hundred different memes over the course of mere months. It was rapidly growing in absurdity and layers of irony, much the same as SiIvaGunner memes like Grand Dad did like I wrote about on Waluigi Pinball (Beta Mix), yet now done on a wholly mainstream level; no matter who you were, if you were frequent on the internet you were only a few posts away from seeing the Among Us Drip memes, from knowing someone who had permanently added "sussy" to their lexicon, from seeing the vague silhouette of a crewmate wherever your eye would wander. Among Us shitposting was omnipresent, and the worst part was; It was, through some bizarre construction of the collective human consciousness, pretty much ALWAYS funny. The SiIvaGunner team witnessed this meteoric rise in an entire new genre of shitposting, and it was as if it gave the channel a newfound passion; as if to say, "no matter where our vessel heading, we're gonna make the best damned Among Us shitposts possible for as long as its afloat.".

And so, the rips came in; Expensive Dispenser's Among Fresh Drip, a mixture of these latter two phenomena released near the very start of Season 5, may perhaps be worthy of coverage on here in its own right for just how foundational it is to the Season 5 SiIvaGunner experience as a whole. But the rips riffing on the game only continued to grow in number, and as the meme itself grew it had yet more sources to pull from; like Bottom G of Lagplane fame, Among Us' greatest strength as a meme was just how damn versatile it was, as there were a seemingly neverending amount of audiovisual cues that would immediately let the viewer make the connection to Among Us and the growing insanity of its derivative content. Now, imagine taking a distillation of that insanity, and mixing it with what may be one of the SiIvaGunner team's most insane rippers; Retro Gaming. Featured on here previously through Logan Paul's Shop, the guy is a ripper whose output I have been SORELY underestimating, someone who – as made evident in the aforementioned rip – has a sort of unhinged knack for adding onto his rips through additional sources and jokes that only barely feel cohesive with what the original concept for the rip was, like teetering on the brink of madness. With these two combined, you end up with a whole bunch of Among Us rips; and, indeed, with You Are Sus in particular.

It's remarkable to me that You Are Smart now has two clear all-time amazing rips under its belt for me with both You Are Sus and Season 7's You Are Book Smart, but it goes to show just how much inherent comedic value the song has. The off-kilter feel of Katamari Damacy as a whole, distilled into a weird beat, melody and voice samples, make it the perfect canvas for true lunacy to breed; and with You Are Sus, practically every part of the Among Us shitposting homunculus is leveraged to make something truly unbelievable. It's far from the only Among Us YTPMV on SiIvaGunner – I mentioned Big Sus Chocobo before – and yet it feels perhaps like the most cohesive rip of the game you could possibly make. All the hits are here; Arcade Craniacs-posting, Stop Posting About Among Us, Among Us In Real Life, A M O G U S, all woven together in such a chaotic, unpredictable way, like a barrage of Among Us noise more than aiming to be organic parts of the original You Are Smart. Yet they're paired with additions that ARE almost seamlessly integrated with You Are Smart, changing the titular chant into "You Are Sus", Among Us sound effects being added to the original song's beat to give it just that slight sussy texturing, even giving it a sort of "beat drop" around 0:40.

Retro Gaming doesn't get sidetracked off the original joke here the way you could argue (despite being to its benefit) Logan Paul's Shop did; EVERY joke present here, every layer of madness added is all to further You Are Sus's agenda. The usage of Arcade Craniacs clips in particular is immensely inspired; the channel was one of many content farms on YouTube that found increasingly absurd ways to play off of the Among Us branding to boost their own popularity, and through voice clips relating to said efforts are intersperced throughout You Are Sus, it all comes full circle at the two minute mark. "It literally says 'You Are Sus'", a clip rings out, thereby connecting the echoing edit of the You Are Smart voice heard throughout the rip to the title and concept of the rip as a whole, a madhouse of every possible angle of the word "sus" played all at once.

I can express as many gripes with the overall direction of SiIvaGunner's 5th Season as I wish, but none of that will take away from the sheer talent and quality found within its rips; and a rip like You Are Sus excels in ways only a Season 5 SiIvaGunner rip could. Channelling the peak of Among Us shitposting insanity through the veins of one of the SiIvaGunner team's most cracked-out rippers, executed with the detail and finesse on a level to where the Stop Posting About Among Us-guy's ramble is synced to the beat of the song used... it was bound to become an all-time fantastic rip, is what I'm saying. It was as if the loose direction the channel took during 2021 in particular gave the team free reign, a freedom to adapt all that the internet was yelling over throughout the year with a degree of effort it would otherwise direct to the channel's own internal ecosystem. If that effort was what gave us rips like You Are Sus, then I'm perfectly content in calling Season 5 of SiIvaGunner a truly successful experiment.

[cecilysass]

Shine On (16/16)

Read on AO3 | Tagging @today-in-fic

Chapter 16: Crazy Diamond

Farrs Corner, Virginia February 25, 2015 Two hours later

It turns out that Bunny Man Bridge is just a bridge. And okay, it’s a little creepy-looking—a one lane road going into a yellowed concrete tunnel under a train overpass—but not very eventful on a sunny, late winter afternoon. There aren’t signs of apparitions, dead bodies, or even Satanic graffiti. Which Jackson finds kind of disappointing after all Mulder’s talk.

Mulder drones on about the telltale hallmarks of paranormal activity, but since most of them would have involved interviewing human witnesses, they don’t seem very promising to investigate. There’s no one around but Jackson, Mulder, and Scully. And interested squirrels.

Still, Jackson is enjoying the outing. He and Mulder scramble up to the top of the bridge and look around the railroad tracks for any clues. Scully watches from the road below, leaning against the car, smirking to herself. After a few minutes Mulder begins to call for the Bunny Man like a lost dog— “here, Mr. Bunny Man, come on, boy”—which makes Scully cover her mouth with her hand and laugh.

Mulder looks down from the bridge at her with this goofy little smile, a whole lot like he’s an eighth grader pleased with himself. Jackson tries hard not to shine the man’s mind, as he’s thinking a surprising quantity of inappropriate thoughts for an old guy.

He gets the basic gist, though—the important highlights. They’re back together.

Jackson can’t help but feel happy for them. Mulder’s hope is contagious. It’s everywhere in the man’s mind right now, even in the dirty parts. It’s inescapable, Mulder’s hope. Like an annoying mylar balloon that keeps floating into your face. Even shining him a little makes Jackson’s own emotions begin to feel lighter, too.

“Is the investigation over?” Scully calls up to them. “I’m hungry.” She cocks her head strategically. “We could go pick up fresh bagels.”

Jackson raises his eyebrows. “I could eat.”

“I think we’re just about wrapped up here,” Mulder calls back. “It’s going to be kind of a drive for bagels though. We’re in the country, Scully.”

She shrugs and smiles. From her pocket her phone starts to buzz, and she rushes to pull it out, sliding into the car to take the call. As Jackson understands it, she’s finishing up odds and ends of her hospital job before she goes back to the FBI.

Mulder regards Jackson seriously. “I’ve got to tell you, Jackson—I’m not noticing any classic signs,” he says, gesturing around them. “No change in temperature, no strange odor.” He points to the birds chirping in the trees around them. “I still hear local wildlife going strong.”

“Yeah,” Jackson says with a sigh. “Maybe the Bunny Man really does only show up on Halloween.”

Mulder’s eyes light up. “Well, possibly we could come back—” He stops himself, but it’s too late. Jackson knows exactly what he was going to say, and he knows exactly why he stopped.

They don’t know where Jackson will be at Halloween. That’s eight months away. He could very well be locked in a juvenile justice facility. That reality hasn’t gone away, however much Mulder and Jackson want to forget and play ghost hunter. Everyone keeps acting like Jackson is just going to stay here and play pretend son, but that’s just not the case.

Jackson has to turn away from Mulder now. Sometimes other people’s hope is painful.

They have to be careful on the way down; the embankment down the side of the bridge is steep. Jackson’s feet, skidding out of control, stumble the last few steps down, and Mulder grabs his arm to steady him.

“You okay there?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Jackson mumbles.

Mulder’s thoughts are a burgeoning swell of concern, and Jackson knows he’s probably been doing a little shining. “Listen, Jackson—”

“You’ve actually seen ghosts before, right?” Jackson interrupts. He looks around at the wooded area around the bridge, then back at Mulder. “Not just read about them?”

Mulder considers him a moment. “I have, yes.”

“Who were the ghosts?” Jackson asks.

“The ghosts themselves? You mean in life?”

“Yeah. Did you know them?”

Mulder thinks about his answer. “One time it was a couple,” he says. “A couple who died together on Christmas.”

Jackson thinks about that for a moment, a couple who died together and spent eternity together, too. It seems like that might be good. Not entirely unhappy. He gets little visual flashes from Mulder’s memories, but he pushes them out—he’d rather make up his own little story about these ghosts.

“You never met the ghost of anyone you knew when they were alive?” Jackson asks. He hesitates. “Like … your own parents, maybe?”

Mulder’s head turns sharply to him. His gray-green eyes are sorrowful, then shift infinitesimally into sympathy and pity.

“Jackson,” he says, his words subdued, “you won’t get your parents back by searching for ghosts.”

A bird trills nearby, and Jackson’s gaze follows the sound. “Yeah,” he says.

His eyes again fill with tears. This is one of those things he knows he should know better about. Something he can see is a delusion—an idea gullible kids hold on to— but he wants to believe anyway. He wants to think that one day he might see his mom and dad again. How stupid, to imagine friendly ghosts who might pat him reassuringly on the shoulder and tell him it’s okay.

They both stand facing the steep bank of trees, saying nothing.

A very clear sentence runs through Mulder’s mind. If he were staying with us, I would make sure he got a new therapist.

Jackson can’t help but smile, wiping his tears. “If I were staying with you, I’d probably really need one.”

“Yeah.” Mulder snorts a laugh. “You probably would.”

***

Back in the car, Scully is sitting in the driver’s seat, unmoving, waiting for them. The radio is on, turned down very low, a murmur of voices.

“No ghosts,” Jackson informs her as he slides in the back. “Mulder says we can try Gadsby Tavern in Alexandria next time.”

“You all done with your call?” Mulder asks her, giving her a curious look. “Was it the hospital?”

“It wasn’t.” Scully says in a strange voice. “It was Skinner. He had news.”

“Oh yeah? What kind of news?”

“There’s been new evidence in the Van De Kamps’ case. Apparently a … witness remembers seeing a man wanted in Colorado in the neighborhood that morning, leaving the scene.”

“What?” Jackson inhales.

“The charges against Jackson have been dropped. He’s considered a missing child now. The Rawlins police are having a press conference, so it will be hitting the media today at some point.”

“A witness emerges from nowhere?” Mulder asks.

“Yes,” Scully says, and Jackson watches her eyes latch on to his. “And Skinner says the name of this witness has been strangely hard to come by, even for the Bureau.”

“This is good news though,” Jackson insists. “Right? It means I’m free. It’s good.”

He looks from Scully to Mulder. They both turn to him in the backseat, their faces blooming in simultaneous smiles. They’re both holding something back, but they’re not insincere.

“It is, Jackson,” Scully agrees. “You’re right. It means you have a lot more options.” He senses her worry simmering underneath. Something wrong here. Another shoe about to drop.

“Maybe I can call people now,” Jackson says, his eyes darting hesitantly between them. “My friend Louis. Maybe my uncle Wyatt.”

“Probably very soon,” Mulder says, nodding. “I’d like to wait until we know … just a little more.”

“You’re both worried,” Jackson observes softly. “You think something is weird.”

There’s a silence in the car as Scully starts the engine.

“We’re cautious,” Mulder says. “Happy, but cautious.”

***

When they get home from their bagel pick up—and Mulder was right, it was kind of a drive to get to the place with good bagels—Jackson is washing his hands in the kitchen when he feels Rose’s tiny nudge into his mind.

Apparently she’s back at home now, wherever that is. She tells him to pass on some messages. He’s happy to hear from her. He badly wants to tell her his good news, but he thinks about what Mulder and Scully said, and he decides to wait a little.

Jackson can hear Mulder talking on the phone outside. Actually, he is apparently taking a break from talking to whoever is on the line to discuss something back and forth very animatedly with Scully. Neither one of them really holds back their opinion, he’s noticed.

He’s started to put together a few more pieces about them. For one, he’s been curious about how Mulder pays his bills. Jackson’s parents always were very careful about money—clipping coupons, thinking through monthly budgets—but Mulder thinks about money much less than most adults.

Jackson knows that Scully is a doctor, and Jackson understands that doctors make high salaries, which explains her nice car and nice clothes. But Mulder hasn’t seemed to have a regular job for years, and Jackson doesn’t think FBI agents make enough to retire decades early.

When they came home with their dozen bagels, Mulder and Scully went to call this lawyer right away, both of them very determined. From what Jackson can gather, it seems to be a lawyer associated with Mulder’s family. So, Jackson infers, Mulder comes from some kind of family money. He wonders why Mulder doesn’t use it to buy a fancier house or car.

As he selects another bagel, he wonders about Mulder’s family. Who were they? How did they get rich? He wonders about Scully’s family, too. What’s her mother like, the one who is still alive? He could probably ask them all of these questions now that he isn’t a wanted man. Maybe he could even meet the mysterious grandmother now.

Outside Mulder and Scully still seem deeply invested in talking to the lawyer, so Jackson plops down on the couch with his cinnamon raisin bagel.

Chewing silently, he remembers what Scully said about the media getting the story soon. He searches around for the remote and turns on Mulder’s TV, pressing buttons to find a news channel.

When he does, he can tell instantly: the story is public.

A blonde reporter clad in a bright blue coat stands on a snow-covered street in downtown Rawlins, with the words “New Development in Wyoming Murder Case: Police Apologize to Runaway Teen” sprawled underneath her. Jackson is so shocked to see the familiar storefronts of his hometown on the national news he can barely focus on the words.

“...police believe that the victims’ son fled out of fear, and they hope Jackson Van De Kamp will be found safely.”

One of the police officers who’d been at Jackson’s school that horrible day—Davis was his name, Jackson remembers—stands in front of a microphone, looking gray and stricken: “We admit when we make mistakes, and this was a mistake. Mr. Van De Kamp is innocent of all wrongdoing. In all likelihood, he’s a scared and grieving kid. If you can hear this, Jackson, buddy, we want you to come home.”

Jackson stares at the screen open-mouthed, clutching his half-eaten bagel tightly. The rest of the report seems to slide right past him.

“Was that it?” Scully says sharply from behind him. The news has moved on to something else. “Was that the story about you?”

“Yeah,” Jackson says, his voice sounding like a small boy’s.

Scully walks around and sits down next to him on the couch. She picks up the remote and switches the TV off.

She peers at his face. “Are you okay, Jackson?”

“I don’t know,” he says. “The police … uh, begged me … to come home. To Wyoming.”

Scully’s eyes are so wide, so icy blue—exactly like Rose’s. They run all over him, as if studiously taking in every detail.

“Do you want to go back?” she asks.

“I don’t know,” he repeats, blinking.

She picks up his plate off of the coffee table, offering it to him. He sets his bagel down on it dazedly. She replaces the plate on the table.

“You have some decisions to make, Jackson,” she says, her voice gentle. “Not all of them right away. But you do have some decisions to make.”

Mulder appears behind her, his hand reaching for her shoulder. He’s watching Jackson closely, too.

“We spoke to the lawyer about the … custody possibilities,” Scully says. Jackson recognizes suddenly that she’s very nervous. He can feel fear starting to roll off of her in steady waves. “It’s most likely a relative has official custody of you now. Probably your uncle Wyatt?”

Jackson nods slowly. He can’t think of who else would.

“We can talk to your uncle about other possibilities,” Scully says carefully. “Living with us. Short term … or longer term. There are a range of options in the kind of relationship you could have with us. You could just do visits. We could have some kind of shared custody. There’s, uh, more permanent arrangements. Like legal guardianship. Adoption.” She swallows. Her fear is pulsing around Jackson now like a heartbeat. “I don’t know how your uncle will feel about any of this, but we thought we’d check with you before pursuing anything else. We want you to be the one … in the driver’s seat.”

Jackson reaches out his hand to rest on her arm. He doesn’t want her to be so terrified. It’s stupid. Unnecessary. Of course he wants to live with them. She stills at his touch, her eyes widening.

“Yeah,” he says. “I want to see Uncle Wyatt—like, for visits. He’s family. But I’d like to stay here. If that’s possible, I mean.”

Scully seems unable to suppress her initial reaction: she bursts into a pink-cheeked smile; she exchanges a quick, amazed look with Mulder. Her hand covers Jackson’s, and he can feel her intentionally calming herself down. “We’re happy you feel like that, of course. But that was … a fast decision. Are you sure? You can think about it. All the time you need.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure.” He tries to make his own tone sound casual, breezy. “Uncle Wyatt has too many dogs and goes to a crazy church,” he says with a shrug. “And I don’t think he’ll argue with you too much if you say you want me to live here. I broke his big screen TV once, and he thinks I’m annoying.”

Jackson doesn’t say everything he’s thinking. That he would actually really like to see what it would be like to be part of their family. That he’d like to know what love felt like, everyday, with them. That he thinks it would be easy, somehow—much easier than he might have expected. That he thinks he understands now that this new relationship with them has nothing to do with replacing his parents.

Mulder’s smile is so wide that Jackson suspects he eavesdropped. “We’d love to have you, Jackson,” he says.

“We’ll talk to your uncle,” adds Scully. “We can be more specific about your options after that.”

“Rose said she could teach you more about how to block me, you know,” Jackson tells them tactfully. “So you wouldn’t have to worry as much about… not having privacy. You know.”

Scully flushes, and Mulder hides a smile. “That might be nice,” Scully says.

“She also said there was a really good STEM high school in Alexandria,” Jackson suggests with more feigned disinterest.

“Rose is full of advice,” Mulder observes wryly.

“Yep,” Jackson agrees. “I got a message from her, by the way.” He eyes the bagel on his plate again. “When you all first went in to call the lawyer.”

“Really?” Mulder says. “A … psychic message?”

“That sounds kind of overdramatic,” Jackson says, rolling his eyes and picking his bagel back up. “But yeah. She said she was home.”

“Good,” Scully says. “That’s good.” She throws Mulder a glance.

“She also said to tell you something, Scully.”

“She … did?”

“She said to tell you that they listened to her.” He looks at Scully to see if that’s meaningful, but her face looks blank. “Rose said that … she told them what she wanted, and they listened.”

He shrugs, deciding it doesn’t matter that much, and he takes a big bite of the bagel. Scully has a point about getting them fresh, he decides. They taste so much better this way. You could only get bagels in a bag at the grocery store in Rawlins.

A plummeting feeling from the pit of Scully’s stomach makes him look up.

“What?” Mulder asks her. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Scully’s face has lost color. “No. I just …”

“Who listened to her?” Mulder insists. “What does that message mean?”

“I asked her … if the Walled Garden leaders listened to her,” Scully says in a low voice. “If they respected her.”

Jackson swallows part of his bagel so he’s able to talk. Through a mouthful: “You think she asked the Walled Garden for something she wanted?”

Mulder stares at Jackson, and then turns back to Scully, his eyes widening. “You think she asked them for something she wanted,” he repeats in a low voice, realizing. “Oh wow.”

“This morning, she said she was going home to take care of something,” Scully whispers, her eyes on him.

Jackson swallows his last mouthful. “What?”

“So she goes home,” Mulder says in disbelief to Scully. “And within a few hours…”

“Is it possible, Mulder?”

Jackson finally gets it. “You think she asked the Walled Garden to make sure the charges were dropped against me. Don’t you?”

Scully and Mulder are still looking hard at one another. “It happened so fast,” Mulder says. “All in less than six hours. If it was really the machinations of the Walled Garden…”

“They have an alarming amount of power,” says Scully. “Over multiple entities of government. An amount of power comparable to…”

“The Syndicate.” Mulder sits next to them on the couch, puts his head in his hands. “Can this be true? I don’t know what to make of an organization like this. They’re not even… strictly human. But they may be involved in… it’s overwhelming.”

They don’t say anything for a moment, looking dazed. Jackson watches them both in profile, unsure what to say.

“What do we do, Scully?” Mulder says.

She looks away, towards the window. There are entire worlds—entire universes—in Scully’s eyes. Jackson feels weirdly like his shine is lost in something enormous.

“I guess it’s fortunate there’s an investigative unit of the FBI qualified to keep an eye on them,” Scully says slowly and resolutely at last.

She turns and picks up Mulder’s hand. He lifts his head out of his hands and meets her stare.

“And keep an eye on Rose, too?” Jackson says incredulously.

“Yeah,” agrees Mulder, a strange finality. “And keep an eye on Rose.”

A fierce undertow of worry from Scully. But is Rose on the right side? How could we convince her? What if Rose were involved with something fundamentally wrong? What about any other members of the Walled Garden Mulder might feel connected to?

They’re frighteningly powerful anxieties, and Jackson doesn’t even understand some of them. They’re shot through with the stinging, luminous heat of her love. But weirdly he doesn’t feel himself getting drawn into these anxieties right now, even though he’s prone to worrying himself.

It’s just the more overwhelming emotion coming at him right now is what’s coming from Mulder. This ridiculous hopefulness. Bigger and more buoyant than ever. It fills up, expands and crowds out all competing feelings.

Jackson isn’t sure if Mulder is essentially being like a gullible kid—if he wants to believe things that aren’t true just to comfort himself. If that’s true, he is much, much better at it than Jackson. Because every cell in his body seems to be singing the same song: somehow, this will be okay. Somehow, what's wrong is going to get better. Jackson decides Mulder feeling like this is a good thing, even if it's not an entirely logical or sane thing.

As Mulder draws Scully into his side, and suggests they watch his favorite movie—some old movie about space that Scully protests vehemently—Jackson notices the influence of Mulder’s hope beginning to work on her, too. She’s arguing back, but she’s starting to relax, too. She’s got this little smile on her lips. Her anxieties are receding, falling into the background.

Jackson pulls his knees up at his end of the couch and stops listening to their good-natured argument. He wonders how it would be received if he asked if his friend Louis could come visit some time. He has a brilliant idea about splashing red paint around the inside of the Bunny Man Bridge and freaking the shit out of Louis. It would be hilarious. Also, he’d just like to see Louis. He misses him.

Mulder and Scully want Jackson to be the tie-breaker in deciding the movie. They both look over and ask him, with curious faces, what he wants to watch.

He doesn’t hesitate. “Finding Nemo,” he suggests at once. “Or The Incredibles.”

“Aren’t those kid movies?” Mulder asks suspiciously.

“Not ... entirely,” Jackson says.

“What are they about, then?”

Jackson considers his answer a minute and lands upon the right words. “They’re about doing crazy shit for your family.”

He wins.

***

Y'all, thank you so much for reading. I’m truly grateful for all of your encouraging, supportive notes and tags. You have no idea what they mean.

[paunchbunny]

Just manifesting a bunny gets the pancakes situation for you!

oh the inescapable preprogrammed hands of fate...... how I yearn for thee.....

[level-up-eevee]

A Very Brave Bunny

This story was another request by @sillysillysillyboy based on their inbox ask! Thank you so much for the request! I hope you enjoy this story!

Hoppy and Kickin' were having a slumber party. Since the two planned on staying up all night, they decided to watch some movies. After a while of searching they settled on watching a horror movie.

To say that Hoppy loved horror movies would be an understatement. She was obsessed with horror movies. Monsters, slashers, aliens, you name it! However, one genre of horror she avoided was paranormal horror. There was something about ghosts that just made her... uncomfortable.

So of course, Kickin' had to pick a movie about ghosts. Not wanting to look like a coward, she went along. But soon Hoppy realized, she was getting scared. Her skin got cold and clammy. Her heart was racing in her chest. Her whole body was trembling with terror. Suddenly, she felt something tap her shoulder.

Hoppy jumped and screeched before realizing it was only her friend. Her face went red as Kickin' started laughing. "Dude, are you okay? You jumped like a foot in the air!" Hoppy's face turned redder as she tried to brush it off. "Yeah, I'm fine. And stop laughing at me!" Kickin's face fell. He didn't mean to make her upset. "Hey, I'm sorry, Hops. I wasn't laughing at you! You should've seen me when I first watched this movie. I slept with the lights on for a week! If you want you can...hold onto me if you get scared."

"Scared?" Hoppy scoffed. "I ain't scared of anything! But if you insist..." She said, secretly grateful that Kickin' wasn't judging her. About halfway into the movie, Hoppy buried her face into Kickin's shoulder. Her body was shaking like a leaf in a storm. Kickin' took note of her fear and offered to turn the movie off.

"What? No way! I can handle it! It's just a stupid movie. I don't want you to think I'm a coward."

"Coward? You're not a coward, Hoppy! You're really brave!" He replied, giving her a gentle squeeze. "I am? Do you really think so?" She asked, confused. "Yeah! It's easy to do something when you're not scared. But doing something even though you're afraid takes bravery!" Hoppy smiled, her friend's reassurance making her feel a little better. "Aww! Thanks, buddy." She said, lightly punching Kickin's shoulder.

"Anytime, pal. That's what friends are for, right?" He replied, gently poking her side. "Hey! Don't do that..." She said, looking nervous. "Don't do what? You mean this?" He asked, poking her sides again, drawing another squeak. "Ah! Yehehes! Cut it out!" A smirk crossed the chick's face. He wrapped his feathery wings around Hoppy's waist, trapping her in an inescapable embrace. "Ah! Hey! What are you-Ehehehe!" Hoppy was promptly cut off by her own giggles as Kickin' started prodding her sides. "Hahaha! K-Kickin'! Quit it!"

"Sorry, Hops! But I think you need this~" He said, switching to drifting his fingers up and down her sides. Despite his slow pace, those fluffy feathers tickled so much Hoppy burst into laughter.

"Ahahaha! Hey! Whahahat are you doing?"

"What does it look like I'm doing? Making you laugh! Although, I'm pretty sure your worst spot was somewhere around...here! Or was it here? Maybe over here?" Kickin' said, gently squeezing her hips. Hoppy squealed, throwing her head back as she squirmed and thrashed wildly. "EHEHEHEEE! NAHAHAHAHA! NOT THEHEHERE! NAHAHAT THE HIPS! EEP! HAHAHA!" The yellow chick giggled as he heard his friend squeak. "Aww, what's the matter? Does it tickle~? Can Little Miss Tough Tomgirl not handle a little tickling~"

"HAHAHA! K-KICKYHYHY! IHIHI'M GONNAHAHA GET YOHOHOU FOR THIS!" She threatened half-heartedly. Kickin' gasped dramatically. "Oh, I see how it is. I try to cheer you up, and this is the thanks I get? Fine. You asked for it!" He let his friend go only to sit on her ankles, pinning them under his weight. Hoppy quickly started trying to wiggle free. "Nonono! Kickin', don't you da-AHAHAHA! EEK!"

Hoppy was cut off as her poor paws were attacked by those soft, fluffy feathers. She squeaked and squirmed, but she didn't seem to be fighting even though she was losing her mind. Unfortunately, her feathery friend was not helping in the slightest as he continued to tease her. "You know, I thought rabbit's feet were supposed to be lucky. Looks like these little paws are out of luck! Tickle tickle tickle~!"

"WAHAHAHA! Y-YOHOHOU'RE NAHAHAT FUNNYHYHY!" Hoppy howled, slamming her fist into the couch to cope with the ticklishness. "Well, if I'm not funny, then why are you laughing so much?" Hoppy knew she wouldn't be able to take much more of this. However, instead of giving up, she decided to strike back. Since Kickin' was sitting on her ankles, his feet were facing towards her. She managed to fight the tickles for just long enough to sit up and tickle him right back.

Not expecting the sudden retaliation, Kickin' started laughing out loud. He tried to keep his focus and continue the attack, but his poor feet were so sensitive. "HAHAHA! HOHOHOPPY, WAHAIT!" Suddenly, Hoppy tackled her friend, turning the tables on them. Their pleas fell on deaf ears as Hoppy attacked his sides and armpits. The poor chick howled with laughter, slamming his arms down to protect his pits.

"NAHAHAHAHA! NOHOHOHO! NOT THEHEHERE! STAHAHAHA!"

"Gosh buddy! I wish I could but my fingers are stuck. So I guess I'll have to tickle you until you let go!"

Kickin' covered his face with his wings, trying to hide how much he was blushing. This turned out to be a bad idea because as soon as her hands were free, the tomboy bunny went for his ribs. His started squirming and kicking the couch cushions. Adorable little peeps mixed in with his laughter. "EHEHE! *PEEP* HAHAHAHA! *PEEP* NAHAHAT THE RIHIHIBS! HOPPYHYHY!"

The peppermint rabbit stopped, allowing her friend to catch his breath. "Sorry...But Hoppy isn't here right now..." She said, an unnerving smile crossing her face. "Wh-What do you mean by that?" Kickin' asked. "I mean Hoppy isn't here. You're dealing with...the Tickle Monster!"

The poor boy was suddenly thrown back into hysterics as his friend started attacking his ribs again. Occasionally, she would give him a raspberry on his lower ribs, causing him to squeal and peep loudly. "AHAHAHAHA! *PEEP* NOHOHO! EHEHEHEEE! *PEEP* PLEHEHEASE STAHAHAP! I GIVE! MEHERCYHYHY!"

Hoppy let him go upon hearing her friends pleads for mercy. She watched as he collapsed into a giggling puddle on the couch. She began to worry if she took it too far. Sensing her worry, Kickin' spoke up once her caught his breath. "I'm okay, Hops. Don't worry..."

The two went back to watching their movie. Even though there was an occasional creepy moment, she wasn't scared anymore. Because as long as her best friend was with her, there was nothing to be afraid of.

[luonae]

scummy milo variant... aka a milo tailored for my questionable tastes. more about him under the cut

1) i think he would definitely be a variant of manipulation milo since this one relies on manipulation too. except instead of coming off as friendly and inserting himself in social circles this one would embrace this kinda emo or whatever look and a bad reputation because it makes him more attractive in a bad boy way

2) he plays with peoples feelings when they fall for him, using them to get money and information/blackmail on other people. he weaponizes his charms to get to people and once he got what he wanted and theyre no longer useful he throws them away and moves onto the next person

3) hes only doing this for eris of course. he has a tattoo of eris' initials in a heart on his neck (which would be really painful to get) to show his devotion. he may lie to his "lovers" about breaking up with eris to placate them but in the end theyre less than filth in his eyes; just a means to an end and nothing else. he absolutely despises when hes asked shit like "me or eris?" because he cant lie about that even if he must, so he often just says dont bring them up again and shuts the person down

4) unlike m milo, this one would be more willing to resort to violence if needed. hes not as violent as violence milo, but hes not particularly averse to it either. pick a fight with him over him stealing your girl or whatever and he will be knocking you out cold within 30 seconds and moving on with his day to smoke. he does frequently work out; maintaining his physique is important for his attractiveness after all (and the fights that come with it)

5) high alcohol tolerance. he gets people drunk to get information out of them. his size (and the fact he drinks a lot) mean he can hold his liquor well. after all, he himself cant get loose lipped. thats reserved for his victims. he needs to be sober to catch all the dirt they spill when drunk. besides he cant get himself into a vulnerable position like that.

6) probably almost got expelled multiple times, but he has his ways of keeping everything under control (blackmail)

7) cross him and youll face one of two fates: seduction or blackmail. i lied theres a third: getting your ass beat and thrown in the woods where no one will find you

8) lifeless eyes. his eyes only light up when he looks at or talks about eris. drops off everything he earned at eris' feet like a puppy and nuzzles up to them after a long day of being a bad boy. he will only get soft around them. he refuses to take orders from anyone else

9) really assertive. probably the most assertive of all milos, or up there with violence. he has manipulations confidence and violences ruthlessness, so he really has little to no fear outside of losing eris. nothing else makes him feel threatened nor embarrassed.

10) grew to overcome his fear of insects and even started liking spiders. he likens himself to one, catching his prey no matter how much they struggle, meticulously weaving inescapable webs.

11) probably acts averse to cute things, but he does have a soft spot for them secretly, especially bunnies. he looks back at his past self, pre, and feels a hint of fondness and pity. he doesnt dislike who he used to be even though hes nothing like that anymore. if pre milo was his own individual and existed alongside him, he would treat him like a younger brother and stand up for him.

12) really protective. has this death glare that communicates he will really throw your mutilated body in the ocean if you go anywhere near eris. probably really possessive of eris and, ironically enough, hates being touched or looked at by people other than eris, but will still tolerate it for his end goals.

13) while he may have no sympathy or reservations about what he does to his victims, he does feel a bit guilty when it comes to people who remind him of his past self. it wont stop him; nothing would ever stop him when eris is the one asking this of him, but were it up to him he probably would have some mercy on these types of people. he doesnt, though.

[senka-mesecine]

Could we get some headcanons for Barnes stalking the object of his affections pls?

---

― Thing about this man is that he doesn't really need to physically do as much as move a muscle or a finger in order to effectively stalk someone because he can do it with his eyes alone while being in one place the entire time; he might even multitask doing something, seemingly immersed in that particular task, leaving none the wiser that he's gathering information about you somewhere in the back of his mind. Barnes could be playing poker with the boys, he could be out on patrol, heck, he could be seemingly sleeping (with one eye open?) and he'll find a way for the crosshairs of his gaze to always know where you are, where you're positioned compared to him, what you're doing, what you're looking at, who you're looking at, who's looking at you. He's almost like a magnet in that regard. Inescapable, like a force of nature. His eyes are always on you and he's always observing, whether you notice and especially when you don't. He can stalk without ever even necessarily getting off his ass to do it.

― That being said, being something of a despot within his platoon he might quite literally send someone like O'Neill do the actual physical labor of stalking you for him and report back on his findings --- the down and dirty job where someone needs to expose and compromise themselves first --- at least initially, in the early stages of his interest; the fear and reverence Red has towards him serving as Barnes's assurance that O'Neill does this simply because he's asked by Bob specifically and because he's loyal to the man rather than some deeper fixation of his own. Suffice to say, you wouldn't even know who's your actual stalker for quite a long while and you might merely think this is a clear case of Red being a sleazy pest as usual or Bunny occasionally accosting you for the sadistic fun of it, but truth of the matter is they're actually doing this as a mission to appease a third party. It's only when Barnes actually goes in for the offensive himself, sticking his own neck out personally and ditches the flunkies and the lapdogs that things get intense.

― Was all fun and games up until now because he'd be a stalker that wouldn't even particularly hide that he's stalking you almost like the notion is slightly beneath him in his mind, striking me as the prideful sort. This ain't a murder attempt. It ain't illegal. Can't be court martialed. Can't be jailed for this. He can't be held accountable in any way that matters because army life is invasive and depersonalizing by default --- you're less of a person and more a part of a greater unit, so these cries for privacy are really falling on deaf ears out here --- what makes you so damn special? He knows you'll have nobody to complain to and he takes advantage of it. He's not gonna go around being a rat hiding in holes. He'd quite literally talk to you about something, look you in the eye with all the casualness in the world and leisurely browse through your things, your correspondence, swap through the contents of whatever package came in for you, your letters --- he does this with the cocky nonchalance of someone who's fully and shamelessly entitled to this. Like you're long since together and what's yours is his by default. Might just find him on your bunk bed smoking, legs crossed, arms behind his head like that shit's his already.

― Man's a stalker and he knows it and he knows that you know. And in fact? He wants you to know. Relishes in it. Has no shame; it's very possible he confesses to it himself to your face, borderline taunting you. Go ahead then? Do something to stop him? Barnes wants you to understand he's watching you and eclipsing your moves. He wants you to be fully aware of it. He wants you to stew in the knowledge and be able to do nothing about it. Because what could you possibly do, reasonably? Tell him to stop? Cuss him out? Beg? Plead? Set up boundaries he'll ignore anyway? If you're in the army, he's your superior and you can't give him orders to do anything. If you're a civilian who's met him in the odd chance of him rotating back into the world, you're no match for him, so resistance really is futile. If you fight him, argue him, stand your ground, if anything, he'll find it quietly amusing, shrug your protests off and keep doing what he wants to do anyway. Barnes is indomitable. It's like trying to wrestle with the constancy of a mountain. You won't win. Most stalkers, you'd think, have the common decency and shame to hide and peep in through some hole in the wall on occasion. Barnes doesn't.

― That's why his style of stalking is different from most people and most stereotypes; there's no sneakiness to it with him. He could be sneaky. Could be stealthy. Could be covert. Could be unseen. Like, he definitely has the skillset for it if he wanted to --- and said skillset is more than admirable and even fatal if he puts his mind to it. But, thing is, Barnes doesn't want to be sneaky. Not exactly in this particular case. He is seemingly rigidly patient, yes. Sneaky on the other hand? Not so much. He's in the in-your-face, extremely deliberate type of stalker. The type that likes his presence looming large and known. For example, if you received an envelope from a beau back home or perhaps a friend, a family member, you name it, he might just take the damn thing, open it in front of you, wordlessly read it to himself while you were there demanding he give that back to you and once he was done, he'd set it down, look at you and leave, having gathered the exact info he wanted, when he wanted, how he wanted, making no secret of it, flat out going for an invasion of privacy entirely on his own terms.

― Barnes is overly forward, interfering and prying in hounding you to the degree that an outside observer lacking clear context might wrongly conclude that this is a jealous spouse checking up on you and what you're doing with how casually matrimonial Bob is concerning you in a way only an established lover would be even though on your end, you might not have any such aspirations towards the man. And that's really the crux of it; he wants a specific position in your life and he just usurps it like it was his all along. He's set his sights on you, so in his mind's eye, he's allowed to blatantly watch you, follow you, eavesdrop on you, keep himself updated on your interactions, activities, habits and really just about anything else under the sun you might think of. People might even wrongly conclude you and Barnes are an item simply due to how open he is in dragooning you and they steer clear of you, understanding that stepping between Barnes and what Barnes wants, even by accident, is like getting between a shark and a bloody piece of meat. Nobody wants to make an enemy of that man.

― The inherently on-the-nose, audacious nature of his stalking effectively eliminating all of his would-be competition without him doing too much but being as intentional and focused as only Barnes can be. It's really precisely the same in a more civilian setting. Man just shows up in your sphere, invades everything, doesn't practice too much secrecy or discretion, doesn't even necessarily gloat tremendously, merely letting the point quietly sink all on its own in all while refusing to leave and these deliberate, invasive actions can go ranging anywhere from watching you shower in the army barracks and asking you for a report on something while you're in the most vulnerable, impractical position imaginable, taking your things and never giving them back, watching you sleep and not bothering to stop even when you bolt awake, stepping in between you talking with someone or being talked to, watching you eat, shit, piss, do your job. Goddamnit, you could be there idly scratching your ass and he'd be watching and he'll never look away even when you catch him doing it because he owns your ass, literally and figuratively, so he sees no point in being coy about his authority over you.

― In the off chance Barnes gets sneaky in the literal sense? Oh, that's when he's genuinely the most dangerous. It's effectively his call to arms. One might almost begrudgingly prefer him when he's being intrusive and openly trespassing in the most smug sense imaginable because then at least you see and witness him do it and have some tiny, weird vestige of agency through that, so count your lucky stars. When he's in that mode where he leans on downright hunting you like you're prey, chances are, someone could actually die. Someone you've casually smiled at. Someone you've shown a basic kindness. Someone he's jealous of. Someone he feels needs to be eliminated. Him being sneaky is synonymous with a call to action; while blatant, open, unconcealed acts of stalking are really more of a lull before the battle, being covert is the green light needed for him to do something extreme. You might get abducted. Someone's blood might be spilled. He'll spread death. He'll threaten someone. He'll threaten you. He'll get you alone and isolated. It could be anything. But whatever it is, it's no good.

― Ultimately, suffice to say that all of this, everything here listed, is Barnes's very specific effort in conditioning you to accept his presence as the new way of things. Your new reality. Just the way life is from now on. Sure, life could be different, but it ain't and that's the core of his worldview. It's psychological warfare of the highest caliber disguised as him merely being a stalking bastard, but really, however much you fight it, go against it, kick, scream, run, hide or try to evade his tactical efforts in invading your very existence he knows that sooner or later you'll capitulate and be broken in and just, for lack of a better descriptor get used to him. Why? Because there ain't no other choice lined up on the table. He isn't going away. He makes that fact very much known along with the notion that the only way he'd ever leave you alone is if he fucking died. You want him to leave you be? So, kill him. He might personally goad you into it. And if you can't go through with it because you're a human being with a conscience, fact is, you're stuck and cornered and he's aware of it too. You're his now for good. And to think all of this started with Barnes merely following you around with his eyes.

― As such; the first sign of peril is; Barnes looking.