#ITS BEEN A ROUGH COUPLE OF MONTHS FOR ME AND THIS MADE MY ENTIRE WEEK! | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lbxbx · 1 year ago

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Cockpit 12 | knj

Pair: Namjoon x reader

Summary: Namjoon goes through a rough time while getting a divorce, meeting you at the club two weeks in a row when attraction becomes unreal.

Rating: +18 mature content, Smut, divorce, fatherhood, major toxic behavior, fluff.

a/n: This is a subtle ending and tbh was a little hard for to actually mold up, there can't be a happy ending 100% and ya'll know that. i strongly believe that there are many drabbles that might come up that may show you different scenarios for this fic and possibly another end. Ily guys and i love cockpit that introduced me to so many of you guys <3 ps i hope i didn't disappoint with this update because i think i slightly did.

Previous | End.

It’s a cold cloudy day as the winter has already made its way finally, It was your favorite season throughout the entire year, and it’s usually the season you and your friends decide on doing outdoor activities, and of course it’s the holiday season where you actually how so many days off. You just got off your morning shift and picked up Hoseok from his office, his car is in maintenance and you need to get groceries for the week, so you offered to drive him and in return he’ll help you with groceries.

The windows are open in the car, he’s on his phone scrolling and you’re tapping on the steering wheel with your leg on the gas pedal, singing along whole heartedly to the song you started in your car.

I fantasize about it all the time, if you were mine.

I’d give this pussy to you, nine to five, five to nine.

Trying to behave but I’m feeling some type of way.

Even dancing to it, with one hand on the steering wheel now, Hoseok first seems unbothered, he’s used to you being like this, he’s too focused on his phone. But then it hits him and he stares at you suspiciously, and of course you’re too occupied on the song, but then he shuts off the stereo which leaves you singing awkwardly with your not so acceptable voice.

“Why would you do that?” You whine, you can’t look at him your eyes are on the road, but you feel his eyes on the side of you face. “What’s the matter?”

“With what?” You try to take a quick glance at him when he’s smirking. “How are things with Namjoon?”

“Oh, I kind of.. met his ex wife when I was staying there a while ago.”

“How did it go?”

You look her in the eye with your chest heaving dramatically.

This was something you were anticipating long time ago, you wanted her to know everything. There’s nothing to be afraid of.

Namjoon never felt this strong before, having you stand up for him even when he could stand up for himself the whole time. But still having you in front of her scratched an itch for him and he himself wanted this to happen too, he wanted her to see what he has in hand, and that even when she was after his money, he was after his freedom. She still didn’t get what she wanted but he did.

Everything is happening right in front of her own eyes, she clearly sees that her ex husband was actually cheating on her with someone.

Not anyone.

The doctor that she saw a couple of times one of them Namjoon was actually with her. She’s the woman that treated her own son long time ago, the woman who actually had the same perfume on that she smelled on her husband’s clothes so many times.

Gosh this was months ago, she feels betrayed more than she already is when she recalls that you pretended to help her with the fake medical report, you were actually defending him? This has to be serious between you and Namjoon then. Have you two been together for that long for you to actually help him?

She recalls the nights he stayed out, he must’ve been with you, the nights he went back home smelling like you, there were too many of them. It did make sense to her now.

And you finally get the chance to look her in the eye without having to hide and beat around the bush, the greediness inside you is increasing and you feel so desperate to show her that you stole her man.

“What are you doing here?” You ask, your arms crossed to your chest while you eye her from head to toe, she glances at Namjoon and looks back at you before laughing. “Oh so it was you.”

You mirror her laugh and nod your head. “It has been me all along.”

She takes a step closer to you and actually takes a sniff, before looking at Namjoon. “No one, and I mean no one, can stand tolerating you like I did, Namjoon.”

Of course you weren’t going to believe anything she’s saying.

“And you’ll realize the mistake you’re making, perhaps not now, but you will eventually.” She takes another step towards you.

Even when you’re fuming and you genuinely hate the woman, you masked it so well as you chuckle and click your tongue, shaking your head left and right. “Is that what being broke and pathetic feels like? I feel so bad for you.”

“I will give him to you, I just hope you like leftovers.” The answer was on the tip of her tongue. “Who knows, you might end up like me.”

“Oh honey trust me, you and I are not alike.” You eye her again from head to toe, a visible cringe on your face when you look into her face. “You and I are totally different, and I think you know that very well.”

Her face changes and she clears her throat, she even looks back at Namjoon behind you, hoping that he’ll say something and tame you, or do anything to just silence you, but it’s the exact opposite. He wraps an arm around you and walks into the bedroom before turning his head towards her. “Take your trash and leave, and next time if you want anything send someone else. This house isn’t yours to barge in.” And he slams the bedroom door shut and locks it with the key

Your eyes meet for a second before you pull him in for a kiss, your lips pressed against his and your arms wrapped around him. You tried to convince yourself that nothing is different but it actually is.

He tastes sweeter in your mouth and it feels so fucking good to have him for yourself. For the first time ever when you’re in bed with him you feel like that and it feels good. Your friends were right, it was totally worth the suffer.

“That’s all.” You finally park your car near the grocery shop, Hoseok takes a long breath and exhales. “Y/N, this shouldn’t have happened.”

“I don’t know what got into me, I just wanted her to know that he’s way better off without her.” You seriously have no idea where this toxic behavior is coming from, and what’s weirder is that you don’t regret thinking this way.

“Did he do anything?” Hoseok asks as you two get out of the car, he grabs a cart and starts pushing it inside, you’re a little distracted first when you see the advertisements for the products and the discounts around the place for the holiday season that’s coming up, the sound of background music mixed with kids running around, you’ve always enjoyed running errands and now you enjoy it more when you get to spend quality time with your best friend.

“Nope, it’s like he wanted this to happen too.” You grab the flyer. “Oh look, there’s a discount on short ribs.”

“You don’t eat short ribs.” He stops pushing the cart. “But you do, I’ll cook them for you.” You walk towards that aisle to put the short ribs into your cart.

“Someone is in a great mood today.” He chuckles and looks around the aisle for other kinds of meets. “Actually yeah, I’m supposed to meet his parents tonight for dinner.”

“Wow he must be pretty serious about you.” You hear a smirk on his face and when you look at him you find him in fact smirking. “Did you think he wasn’t?”

“No not at all.” He puts pork belly into the cart and continues pushing it. “I just didn’t see it happening so quickly.”

“Gosh, you have no idea how nervous I am about this.” Your hand sits onto your stomach. “I’ve been having nightmares.”

“Hey, you’re an incredible woman who usually leaves a great first impression—“ He doesn’t sound half convincing which makes you push him subtly. “Stop lying.”

“Okay, you don’t usually leave good first impressions, but hey does it matter?” He’s right.

Nothing’s going to change whether they like you or not, you and Namjoon want each other and that’s what matters. “Yeah, it doesn’t. But hey I still need to be careful.”

“Did you ask him about his folks?” He pushes the cart towards the produce aisle. “Yeah, multiple times, he said they were nice, but still they’re his parents, he can’t just tell me that they’re awful, right?”

“True.” You look around for grapes since it’s the season. “I wish I can cancel the whole thing, I’m not really good with strangers.”

“They’re not strangers they’re your in-laws.” He teases you which again makes you hit his shoulder. “Shut up.

“You know what, fuck it, just go, what’s the worst that could happen?” He says it so carelessly which makes you think you’re exaggerating, but you really weren’t.

You were standing in front of your full body mirror that holds so many memories for you now, zipping up your short burgundy dress. Honestly it was an entire debate for you whether you should choose this color or not, but the dress fitted you like a glove, respectful, yet revealing on some places and really flattering.

You grab your high heels and take a seat onto your bed to put them on. You needed the high heels because the man you’re going out with is tall and big, you need some height yourself.

You cannot deny your stomach was pinching you the entire time, you totally forgot that this moment had to come sometime you never even thought of it. Tonight was exceptionally cold but you were sweating. You weren’t anticipating this night what so ever.

Your door knocks a couple of times when you still had one of your heels on, so you get up on your feet and walk crookedly to your door to open it with the other pair of heels in your hand. “Hey big boy.” Your smile lingers on your face when you see him standing by your door wearing a casual suit, his long hair pushed back and smelling like a mix of his cologne and cigarettes, the smell you grew to love and find really warm.

“Look at you.” He takes a step inside your house and prints a soft kiss on your cheek. “You look incredible.”

“This is the dress I told you I was worried about.” You giggle and close the door. You were texting him the entire afternoon asking him what you should wear and he agreed with you on that burgundy dress.

He grabs your hand and twirls you once, his eyes scanning on your entire body and ass. “Baby you would look sexy in a potato sack.”

“Stop.” You hit his chest and let go of his hand. “Take a seat I’ll be ready in no time.” You point towards the living room with the hand that’s holding the shoe. He laughs and grabs the shoe away from you. “Let me help you with that.”

You both head to the living room and take a seat onto your couch, you put your leg up onto his lap and he helps you putting on your heels. “So..” You start talking, clearing your throat before you finish. “Any instructions? Should I be careful with anything?”

He rolls his eyes and looks at you. “Y/N, you don’t have to worry, they’re nice people I promise you’ll love them.”

“I’m not really good when it comes to meeting new people.” Your hand lands onto your stomach. “I wish I can back out.”

“Hey, they’re the ones who asked to see you in person, plus, I know they’ll like you too.” He shrugs, too occupied trying to figure out the straps on your heels. “You already met Jay and it wasn’t that bad, meeting my parents can’t be that bad too.”

He told his parents frankly that he was seeing someone, and they were really welcoming the idea generally, the entire story now makes sense to them and they can finally understand what their son went through and why he needs to be with you. Namjoon was absolutely glad that his parents were supporting his choices.

They’re flying over from Ilsan just to have dinner with you two, and you didn’t mind the idea generally and they must be really nice people, but you were simply not ready.

“Am I doing this right?” He asks, finally done with your heels, you nod your head and get up on your feet to tuck your dress down. “Thank you. What do you think?”

“Absolutely beautiful.” He flashes you a toothy smile, his dimple that makes your heart skip a beat digging onto his cheek. “Thank you, let’s get going.” You turn off the lights and make your way out with him to head towards the place he had reservations in.

The entire ride there your head was storming with every possible scenario, and no matter how hard Namjoon tried distracting you on your way there or comforting you, still, you just simply can’t relax.

You tried distracting yourself and actually googling topics the bring up during the dinner, but it wasn’t helping, your head was all over the place.

To them you’re probably the home wrecker that thanks to her their grandson will have to grow up with his parents separated. You’re the woman who accepted to be with a married man, which now you think was a little selfish, but you’ve grown to like the man.

The day you went back home with him after he got his divorce was when you actually felt your entire relationship with him suddenly grew tighter and stronger, you wanted to face his ex wife long time ago and what happened that night scratched an itch for you.

You snap out of your thoughts when he makes the last turn and parks his car in front of the restaurant, you take one last breath and unbuckle your seatbelt, you remember what Hob said and you hardly convinced yourself that no matter how tonight ends, nothing is going to change the fact that you want him and he wants you too.

He can’t help but to notice your legs shaking anxiously before you leave the car which immediately make him caress your knee and up your thigh. “Are you going to be okay?”

“It’s too late to ask that” You bite at him which makes him chuckle at you.

He feels a little guilty on the inside now, he would’ve never forced you on anything if he knew you’d be this anxious about meeting them. Even though he’s sure that there’s nothing to worry about, his parents are really nice. And to answer his question, You nod your head and he presses softly onto your knee. He’s here for you.

Your hand is locked in his, and the gentle squeeze of reassurance of his hand surrounds yours when you walk inside, slowly making your way to the reserved table that his parents are already seated on, a little younger than you thought they would be, and his mother who’s already in heels tip toes to wrap her arms around her son, pulling him in closer and kissing his cheek. “Gosh, I miss you so much.” She squeals.

“You must be Y/N.” His father stretches his hand out to shake yours, you force out a nervous smile and shake back his hand. “Mr. Kim, I’ve heard so much about you.” Well, you practically didn’t, but you were trying your best to break the ice.

“We’ve heard so much about you too.” He smiles back at you, at least his was genuine unlike yours. The dimples on his face were the ones that Namjoon and his son got. You shake his mother’s hand after she finally let go of her son, “Mrs. Kim, it’s good to see you.” And your eyes almost pop out of their sockets when she pulls you in for a hug and a little kiss on the cheek. You could swear you heard Namjoon giggling behind you.

“Please, just Soohyun.” She shrugs it off. “Take a seat.”

Namjoon’s behavior doesn’t get unnoticed by his parents of course, he’s whipped and they can easily admit that. He’s been married for three years and never has he ever pulled a chair for his wife for her to sit, the way he looked at you was totally different than the way he looked at his wife. He pulls you a chair to sit and helps you take off the little cardigan you put on, before getting you seated and pulling the chair next to you.

Of course they’re across the table from you two, but Namjoon’s hands were in yours the entire time, intertwined under the table, his thumb rubbing the back of your hand and gently caressing your fingers. It was so hard for you to focus when his parents were trying to get to know you more.

“So what do you do?” His father takes a sip of his wine, you straighten your back on your chair and tell him about your job briefly, which he and his wife admire. “Do you love your job?”

“Of course I do, I enjoy it so much.” You nod. “It gets tiring sometimes and my schedule is all over the place, but I love it.”

His mother’s eyes were on her son the entire time, a grin lingering on her face when she sees her son ready to devour you. His glances towards you were warm and loving, he even looks proud of you when you talk about how you have medical students being trained under you. “That’s incredible.” His father speaks, “My friend teaches at your hospital, I’m pretty sure you know him.” And he mentions his friend who actually taught you too, which makes you bond with his father in a snap of a finger.

“And when did you and Joonie meet? His schedule is all over the place too.” Soohyun leans her elbows on the table. “You must’ve met him back when he was still married.”

She clearly didn’t mean no harm, but you find it hard to swallow even though it’s true, and since your hand that’s holding onto Namjoon’s is sitting onto his leg, you can feel him nudge his mother with his leg which makes you force a laugh, “Yes, we met around six months ago.”

“Actually I came onto her.” Namjoon looks at you, his eyes traveling down to your lips and his hands gripping tighter to yours. “And I was unfair to her when I didn’t let her know about my situation.”

“Are you happy?” His mother asks, one hand on her chest and the other reaching to grab Namjoon’s. He smiles and nods his head. “I am. I really am.” Which makes her heart full, she’s really proud of her son that he managed to not only go through this on his own, yet he got back on his feet really fast and is currently happy being with someone else.

At this point you’re totally numb, you could easily fold at what he’s saying but you’re still stiff in your seat. The things you do for this man.

His mother again bonds with you in seconds when she brings up Namjoon’s embarrassing childhood which makes you laugh your heart out, she can easily tell that you’re nervous which makes her a little glad that you actually care what they think of you, which by the way they adore you.

The conversation was about to go downhill a couple of times when his mom mentioning that it’s so hard to raise your first child, she clearly said that you’ll understand what she’s talking about when you and Namjoon have kids. Namjoon was sulking in his seat totally embarrassed and you trying to avoid the topic with dumb ways.

“It was really nice to see you.” You shake their hands one last time before hugging your cardigan tighter around your chest, it was just starting to rain and the weather is starting to get really windy during the night time. “You two should totally come over to Ilsan this upcoming weekend, we have to show you around the town.” His father suggests, his relationship with Namjoon’s ex partner was really shallow and they barely spoke, he was generally excited to have you over and show you around their town after you two had mentioned something about the bike path around the lake park.

“Do you wanna go?” Namjoon puts one hand in his pocket and wraps the other one around you, you nod your head aggressively. “Absolutely, I would love to.”

“We’ll see you next weekend.” They finally bid their goodbyes and head back to their rented car, and you and Namjoon hit the road back to his place. “So how was it?” He barely glances towards you when he’s driving. You lean your head back and sigh. “I need to lay down.”

Your social battery was running low, you spent the entire evening in an uncomfortable dress while having to keep talking, and sometimes even forcing out a laugh or anything. You couldn’t wait to go back home because you have a shift to cover the next morning. “I can’t think with this dress on, and I need to take my heels off like right now.”

“My place or yours?” He asks, and you answer right away. “Mine, I have to work tomorrow.”

As you two get into your place, you rush to take your heels off and run over to your bedroom, you plop down onto your bed face first and hug onto your pillows. “It feels good to be home.”

He laughs when he makes his way towards your bed and plop down on his back right next to you. “Are you okay?”

You nod and turn to face him. “Yeah, it was okay. Although I think we should’ve took things a tad slower.”

“Slower?” He sits on his elbows, his face tilted towards you, and you continue. “To them I’m still a stranger who’s going out with their son, and they probably think I was the reason you really got the divorce.”

“But you were.” He shrugs. Your eyes meet and right when you’re about to ask him to elaborate he continues. “Y/N, when I met you I realized that my life would be a waste of time if it wasn’t with you.”

“You’re overreacting.” You roll your eyes. “You got that from meeting me when I was drunk in a bar? Come on Joon.”

He nudges you with his elbow and chuckles. “I did. I went back home that night thinking about you. Maybe it was physical to begin with and maybe it was a little selfish to not let you know that I was involved in a relationship, deep down I missed the feeling of being loved and touched by someone who actually craves me and wants me for me. And you gave me everything I needed which made me hold on to you.”

You giggle and nudge him back. “It was a little selfish, but we need to stop bringing this up, it’s the past now.”

“You’re right. But you’re more than that to me, you’re incredibly beautiful and really smart, and not to sound so desperate but I want to be around you the entire time.” He whispers.

“I did get the divorce because I wanted you instead.” He inches closer to print the softest kiss to your forehead, you can’t remember if you were ever kissed there but it feels different on so many levels. It’s nothing like the kiss on the lips that you’re used to, and it’s totally different from the kisses and pecks you get on your cheeks from people around you.

It feels warmer and a lot more.. Loving.

Your eyes meets his, it feels like it’s your first time seeing this side from him and it probably is. He even smiles which makes you totally lost in his features, your stomach suddenly pinches you and is this what actual butterflies feel like?

Your face heats up and you clear your throat, your gaze never leaving his, he tucks your hair behind your ear and inches closer to press his lips against yours softly, printing the softest most loving kiss you’ve ever felt.

Forget the butterflies, is this what actual feelings feel like? It suddenly hits you, you’re not unsure anymore. You know exactly what you want with him.

“I really wanted this to be special, but I can’t hold it back any longer.” He covers his face and throws his head back onto your bed, laughing and curling in his spot. “Just say it Namjoon.” You laugh and hit his chest.

“I want you to be my girlfriend.” He finally gathers up enough courage to spit it out, which makes you laugh your heart out. “This is not middle school Joon. You’re thirty and I’m like twenty something.”

“Come on, just say yes.” He bites on his bottom lip, you decide on teasing him so you lean your chin onto your palm and hum. “Give me some time to think.” Of course you were going to say yes, but you enjoyed seeing him like this. “Make me say yes.”

He grabs your head closer to press his lips against yours, adrenaline rushes through both your bodies and you climb on top of him, leaning your body against his, his hands grab onto your hips before he fully wraps his arms around your waist to hug you towards him, his lips melting with yours into a deep kiss, his teeth grazing over your lower lip to bite into it softly and tugging it. “Alright.” You lean your forehead against his with your eyes half open.

His hands caress your cheeks and he pulls you in for a quick peck. “Is that a yes?” A grin fighting the urge to appear on his lips, you nod your head and nuzzle your nose against his. “Yes.”

“Oh, rest in peace to the Namjoon that escorted me to my seat.” You raise an eyebrow at him while taking a sip of your coffee. “Typical male behavior, you’re always too nice in the beginning—“

“I would kiss you to shut you up really, but I’m working.” He interrupts you.

It’s the weekend already and you two are finally flying to Ilsan to stay at his parents, he kept insisting that he wants to be alone and away and even tried to convince you to forget about Ilsan and fly to Jeju or something but of course you had to say no, you promised his parents after all. Although you felt bad for the man who’s been working nonstop this week, so this is like a little vacation for you two.

Of course he’s flying the plane and he gifted you your tickets, and of course you would agree, because come on.

Who wouldn’t fly for free?

You two are sitting near the gate and the cabin crew started boarding, and when he stands up and collects his phone and coffee you rolled your eyes, he once escorted you to your seat and now he’s going ahead of you.

“Even if you weren’t working, I wasn’t going to allow you to kiss me.” You shrug your shoulders carelessly, taking another sip of your coffee which makes him roll his eyes. “You’re so dramatic, come here.” He leans one of his palms against the coffee table and bends down to cup your cheek and kiss you on the lips. “I’ll see you on board baby, okay?”

“Fine.” The little smirk you were trying to hide finally shows on your face when your lip curves up a little.

Namjoon boards the plane, and not too long after you get on board and you finally get seated, you buckle up, put your important documents back in your bag and look through the window, the cabin crew serves you champagne which you are more than glad to have, you needed something to relax you since you were already nervous at the fact of having to not only meet his parents again, this time you’re staying with them for the whole weekend.

You took the champagne because you wouldn’t mind some pampering after all.

Namjoon makes his way out from the cockpit and makes small talk with the flight attendants, and damn it you wish he didn’t look that good when he’s talking to other women.

You curse on the inside at the birth control you’re on because it makes you very hormonal, not in an emotional way, but in a physical way, your body is on fire the whole time. So when you see him in his uniform, his shirt so tight around his arm and his chest, his fingers go through his dark long hair before he looks around trying to locate you, and when your eyes meets he flashes you a smile that melts your heart in a second.

He makes his way towards you and leans down and puts his hands on your legs. “Hey beautiful.”

“Hey captain.” You play with the badges on his shoulder and lean forward. “You look like a snack.”

“A snack?” He teases and his eyes land on your lips, you nod and continue. “And I would love a snack right now.”

“Careful what you wish for baby.” He whispers and visibly swallows. “Just give me a sign and I will fuck you right here, and they can hear, or watch I don’t care.”

“Oh so it’s okay to fuck me on the plane, but it’s not okay to kiss me in the airport?” You scoff. “Captain, we’re ready for the takeoff announcement.” The flight attendant nudges his shoulder from behind and cuts through the sexual tension that was increasing by the second between the two of you, he stands up in front of you and your eyes level with his covered boner.

You could swear if passengers took their time and squint really hard they would notice.

He puts his hands in his pockets to loosen the tightness, and he can clearly see your eyes locked onto his erection. “It’s all for you.”

“Mister Kim?” The flight attendant calls for him again and he turns to walk to the front of the plane.

He grabs the speaker phone and turns to face the passengers.

“Good evening passengers, this is your captain Kim Namjoon speaking.” And fuck you can’t control yourself anymore.

“First I’d like to welcome you on Korean airlines flight number KA87 heading to Ilsan, we are currently third in line for takeoff.” He looks at his watch. “We are expected to be in the air in approximately eleven minutes, we’ll be up to a cruising altitude of 35 thousand feet, flight time will be one hour, if the seat belt sign is turned please remain seated with your seatbelts fastened.”

He looks at you in the eyes with one of his eyebrows shooting up. “In about ten minutes after departure the cabin crew will be coming around to offer you a light snack and a beverage, until then, sit back, relax and enjoy your flight, thank you.”

He closes the speaker phone and gives you one last look before he turns and heads back inside the cockpit.

You feel extremely impatient and you cannot wait for the second you land there, you have to let it out of your system and you don’t a single damn about his parents at this moment.

Almost 20 minutes into the flight, you’re leaning your head back and looking through the window, a second away from closing your eyes and taking a nap before you hear one of the flight attendants come out from the cockpit, you can’t take your eyes off of her especially when she’s walking towards you.

“Ma’am?” She leans forward to whisper. “We have the lavatory ready for you if you want to.”

You stare at her totally clueless of what she’s talking about, you even look behind you to make sure that she’s talking to you. “Huh?”

She turns her head to look towards the cockpit and you follow her eyesight, and you can see Namjoon waiting near the door with his hands in his pockets, eyes locked onto you.

He’s been waiting for this moment since forever. All his colleagues experienced the mile high club, and back when he was with his ex wife, they suggested that Namjoon should bring her along so he can have that experience too, but of course, they were never there together, they never even had a spark.

And finally, today Namjoon asked the cabin crew to empty out the lavatory throughout the entire flight so he can fulfill one of his long awaited wishes.

You and Namjoon had never done things publicly and you find it a little risky, the plane was too small and you’re not sure if you can control yourself.

You unbuckle your belt and watch Namjoon go inside the bathroom, you nod your head thank you to the flight attendant and follow Namjoon in there, your stomach drops at the excitement and thrill of this idea.

You lock the door behind you and look up at him. “Namjoon we can’t do anything here.”

He rolls his eyes and leans his arm on the door behind you to corner you in the little tiny lavatory that barely leaves you space to get away. “It won’t take ten minutes, come on.” He buries his face in the crook of your neck and inhales your scent before peppering you with little wet kisses on your skin that’s slowly heating up.

“Out of all places you want to have sex here?” Your eyes feel heavy when he sends goosebumps all over your body with his hot breath, he even whispers. “I’ve been wanting to do this to you for so long.” An audible smirk in his voice. “I want you to cum and I need to watch you trying to stay quiet.”

“They’ll hear us.” You hardly make the effort to push him because you want it too. And the thrill of being heard or caught makes your heart skip a beat and your thighs are already pressed together.

He prints one last kiss onto your jaw and leans his forehead against yours, his fingers wrapping around your neck not too tight. “You know, I kind of want them to hear us, or probably see you with my cum all over that beautiful face of yours.”

Your breath hitches when he tightens the grip around your neck and presses his body against yours, you can feel every inch of him against you including his angry cock that’s buried into his tight pant and begging to be let out.

He steals one kiss from your lips and goes down on his knees, lifting your shirt up to kiss your belly button and move further down to unzip your pants and pull them down with your panties to your ankles. His smirk doesn’t wash away when he sees how wet you already are when he barely touched you, and even when you two have been together for a while now this still boosts up his ego. “Look at you.”

“Shut up.” You whine and lean your head back against the door, your stomach dropping in anticipation at the thought of him touching you, at the thought of his mouth coming in contact to your wet folds.

His gaze meets yours for a split second, you feel your heart racing and you immediately look away, your face and body heating up, you’re slowly getting impatient, and he knows exactly how to tease you. Your body flinches and you immediately grab onto his hair when his plump lips finally landing onto your cunt, his tongue collecting the wetness that already escaped you and finally landing onto your clit before pulling back. He catches the string of your wetness that’s still attached to his lips with his finger and sucks on it. “Mmm.”

A rush of adrenaline combs your entire body that makes you grab tighter onto his hair and pull him towards you, of course he saw it coming and he’s been wanting to lick you clean, both his hands hug your thighs and he dives in, sucking onto your little throbbing bean and flicking his tongue against it, the taste of you sits on his mouth and you taste like absolute candy to him.

“Oh my god.” You find it hard to keep quiet when you feel your body slowly being drugged with pleasure, the man knows what to do with his hands and he slowly teases your entrance and pushes his middle and ring finger inside your clenching vagina making you gasp. He gets up onto his feet to whisper. “Fuck, I knew I’d enjoy watching you suffer to stay quiet.”

His cock is already bulging through his pants when he speaks, you move your knee up to rub it against his clothed boner, he bites onto his bottom lip as his hands work to his neck as he removes his neck tie quickly and grabs your hands together tying them up tightly, he grabs you by your shoulder and pushes you down on the bathroom floor, your head pressed against the door as he unzips his pants and takes out his dick to stroke it a couple of times before pointing it to your lips. “Open.”

You look him up in the eyes and bite onto your lips, he wraps his fingers around your neck and bends down to whisper while biting on his own teeth. “I said open.” And you obey immediately, opening your mouth and he doesn’t hesitate once before spitting on his palm and stroking his cock and shoving it into your mouth, tugging tightly on your hair and fucking your face.

You choke on him with your spit drooling down your chin and top, the tip of his cock repeatedly rubbing down your tonsils, subtle gags escape your mouth while you dig your nails into his thighs trying to slow him down but it was kind of useless. He throws his head back and his jaw falls down when he feels your throat tightening around every curve of his cock.

Your thighs are pressed against each other at the thrill of the situation, your body is acting up on it and you’re even turned on more at the thought of being caught or heard in the bathroom. Although Namjoon on the other side doesn’t care at all, he is willing to pound into you and he won’t care if you were caught or heard. His uncontrollable thrusts down your throat finally halt down when you push him strong enough to catch a breath, you look up at him and wipe your mouth with the back of your tied up hands while you’re panting. “Are you okay princess?” He leans forward towards you while he grazes his thumb on your bottom lip and jaw. Your innocent nods with your doe eyes locked onto his drives him insane. He’s even more impatient to fuck you senseless right now.

He helps you rise up on your feet and presses you against the door again to kiss you harder than before, you grab onto his cock to palm it slowly, you pull back from the kiss and bury your face in the crook of his neck to inhale his scent and kiss him, licking your way up to his ear. “Where do you want me to cum?” He barely speaks when he’s already out of breath.

You look into his eyes worried and confused for a second, he chuckles and turns you to face the lavatory door and whispers into your ear. “After I fuck you of course.” His hands already working to pull down your jeans and panties to your ankles, the view of your wet folds right in front of him makes him go feral and as much as he wants to eat you out again right now but he can’t leave the cockpit empty for too long.

“I can’t let you cum on my face when we’re less than an hour away from meeting your parents.” You look at him over your shoulder, he delivers a loud spank onto your ass and grabs his cock to rub your folds with the tip, smearing your wetness all over your pussy that’s already clenching and asking for attention. “Mmm.” Escapes your lips that you’re biting on when he presses against your entrance.

“Although it’s quite tempting to cum on that beautiful face of yours.” He pushes the tip of his cock into you making you hold your breath and clench onto your fists, the stretch is incredible and it’s already making you see stars. “I think it’s picture worthy.” He smirks and pulls out of you before spitting onto his fingers and rubbing your entrance and pushing back again slowly, this time pushing further inside you and the angle is driving you insane.

“Holy fuck.” You can’t seem to swallow your whimpers, he bites onto your earlobe before whispering. “That little slutty cunt of yours takes me so well baby, doesn’t it?”

“Mhm.” You agree right away and your eyes shut tight when he pushes his cock balls deep into you forcing a breath out of your lungs. His pulsating cock inside you feels so good when it hits all the right spots, and he doesn’t waste the chance to make you feel so good with his fingers when he uses two fingers to rub your clit slowly, your hips grind down on him and he takes at a sign to go when he feels your wet cunt relax around him.

As he finally prepares to pound into you, he wraps one arm around your waist to pin you against him, and the other hand moves to your neck, his fingers wrapping around it and adding the perfect amount of pressure to make it feel better.

Slowly he starts moving his hips up against yours, the friction inside you is incredible and with each thrust the tip hits your spot making the pressure inside your stomach increase and you feel your body tensing. You cover your own mouth with your hand because you’re only seconds away from screaming out his name when he starts slamming inside you.

You look at him over your shoulder to meet his gaze, his eyes are lost between yours and the view of his cock disappearing in and out of you. And in his head he’s totally glad that condoms are officially off the table and no longer an option.

He feels your cunt relax around him before clenching again, he knows your body so well and he’s totally aware that you came surprisingly fast. Your eyes shut and your body shudders in front of him, your legs barely holding the weight of your body and you feel them shaking even.

Your chest rises to catch a breath and only one little whimper makes it out of your lips, your entire back relaxes and you grind your hips against his through your orgasm and he makes sure to pound into you faster through it too. You didn’t know it was physically possible but you feel yourself chasing after another orgasm even when you’re already over stimulated.

Right outside the door you’re leaned against is the flight attendant guarding the door, and she can clearly hear the sounds of your body meeting his which makes her rummage through the glasses to make any sort of noise for the passengers not to hear.

And Namjoon couldn’t give a single care whether people heard or even saw, his fogged up brain can’t comprehend anything but the fact that he’s fucking the woman he’s head over heels for raw which drives him feral and he even pounds harder inside you that you lose your gate and you can’t stand on your feet anymore.

He turns you to face him and lifts you up against the door to wrap your legs around him, and in less than a second he slams harder than before inside you. And you’re fucked already. Your hair is frizzy and your face is flushed red and sweaty, your heart is racing when you feel your next orgasm, and this time you feel it building in your shoulders and your lower back, it feels fucking insane that your tears roll down your cheeks, you cry out his name over and over with each bounce on him. It’s heavier than an orgasm and you know it, he knows it too.. “I’m gonna cum.”

“Cum for me baby, good girl.” He delivers a loud spank to your ass cheek that you instantly feel it heating up, and you can’t see it but it totally left a print there.

He grabs onto you tighter and seconds after fucking your breaths out of you, you’re squirting on him hard enough to push his cock out of you and he’s so aroused by what he’s seeing. You cry his name out again with your hand reaching down to your pussy to rub it while you’re squirting, his motion halting and slowly coming to an end when he feels your body calming down slowly.

He presses his forehead against yours and devours into your lips, you’re barely keeping up with him when you’re trying to catch a breath, he puts you down onto your feet and turns you again to face the door, he needs to cum on the view of your ass spread onto his cock all fucked up by his dick, your squirt soaked him so wet. He reaches his hand for his cock and starts stroking it with his other hand onto your ass, his grip tightens around the head and he jerks himself off to the view of your swollen pink pussy. “Shit—“ He starts releasing his seed onto your ass and cunt, his body tenses with each release before finally relaxing and shooting the last drop near your entrance.

You reach your hand down to rub your clit with that drop, smearing it all over your pussy before putting your fingers into your mouth to taste him, your gaze meets his over your shoulder and you laughs lazily before reaching your hand down to his cock stroking it slowly, “Your pull out game is excellent.”

“I was forced out.” He mirrors your laugh and spanks your ass again making you giggle, you take a step forward and walk towards the mirror, turning to see your ass. “Great art work too.”

“Next time I’ll do the same art work on your face.” He shrugs. “No excuses then, I’m taking pictures of it.” He grabs the toilet paper and rips some.

“Then do it.” You look at him, blinking your eyes a couple of times and he laughs, thinking that you might be joking but you’re not, and he realizes that when you don’t laugh. “You’re kidding.”

And to prove that you’re not, you see his phone in his pocket so you pick it out and slide to the left to open the camera app and hand it to him. “I think this is picture worthy too. Unless you think otherwise.”

It takes him a couple of seconds to take the phone from your hand and get ready to take the shot. “Turn around.” And you don’t think twice, turning around and leaning forward a little to reveal the art work.

He proceeds to take the picture of your lovely ass painted with his cum, the head of his dick positioned against your butt cheek which makes the photos eve spicier. He doesn’t get enough as he kneels down and snaps a couple more pictures, examining them and snapping a couple more again, before getting up and handing you the phone, and if he had the time he would’ve licked you clean and made you cum one more time.

You grab his phone and scroll through the pictures before looking up at him. “Joonie do you think they heard us?”

He grabs the scrunched up toilet paper and runs it under warm water before cleaning you up. “I think so, yeah. So what? Who cares if they heard or not.”

“Oh my god. Of course you don’t care you’re going back to the cockpit but I have to get back to my seat.” You put your pants on. “Can I stay here for the rest of the flight?”

He chuckles before pressing one last kiss onto your lips. “I’ll walk out first if it makes you feel better.” He puts his boxers back on and zips his pants. “I’ll see you later.”

The sun was setting near the lake, you and his father rented a couple bikes and drove around the lake while chatting and even racing. Your stomach was starting to hurt from all the laughing and goofing around, the man was incredible and really sweet to you and he was enjoying the bike ride more than you are. He does activities like that with his daughter but if felt really warm to the heart to be able to do this kind of activities with someone new.

Namjoon was watching you from afar with his mother, both carrying their hot drinks and walking around the lake, it was cold enough to put on heavy jackets and scarves, smokes of condensation rising up from their mouths as they speak. “Your father is having way more fun than I thought.”

Namjoon laughs and bobs his head. “Y/N is a really nice person and it’s so easy being around her, it just feels normal.”

“Yeah, this afternoon your father kept blabbering about her nonstop, she’s like a friend he never had.” She crosses her arms and sits on the nearest bench. “He loves her.”

“And you?”

“She makes my son happy, of course I love her.” She leans her head onto his shoulder. “And you?”

“Yes.” He very clearly answers, not beating around the bush. “I’m in love with her.”

He doesn’t even think before speaking as words just flow out of his mouth. “And I don’t think I’ve loved anyone this way before, I haven’t been completely honest with anyone about this yet, but I can easily see myself spending the rest of my life with her.”

“Joonie, honey you need to take things slower.” She worriedly speaks, her hand landing on his knee for reassurance. “I want you to choose her when you’re really sure that she’s the one.”

“I know she’s the one.” He wraps his arm around her shoulder and exhales, a large cloud escaping his mouth. “Do you think she feels the same way?”

“Otherwise she wouldn’t have agreed to spend the weekend with your old parents, and trust me she would’ve backed out on hanging out with your father.” Namjoon and his mother both look up at you and his father laughing your hearts out at how you almost fell into the lake after your last race.

“You’re right.” He bites onto his lip when he sees you putting the bike down and sitting onto the floor near the lake, totally pooped out and exhausted. “I need to rest.” You even cough and put your hand on your stomach. You needed to catch a breath.

“Look at your father.” His mother laughs when she sees her husband put his bike down and land onto the floor next to you. “I’ve been trying to convince him for ages to come here and ride our bikes but it takes your girlfriend one dinner.”

“Should I be worried? Is he going to try and steal her away from me?” Namjoon jokes and rubs her shoulder. “Mom are you jealous?”

“Of course I’m not.” She straightens her back and takes a look at her husband who quickly rises on his feet when you do, you make your way towards a bunch of children skateboarding and ask to join them even when you never did it before. “Okay maybe I am, but just a little.” And Namjoon laughs at his mother while he’s anxiously looking at you worried you’d hurt yourself.

The moment he realized how he actually felt towards you, there’s this instinct that built inside him and he feels the need to protect you at all costs, and he needs to keep you safe, he wouldn’t want you to be hurt or upset. It may be a father instinct but not in a creepy way or anything because he feels the same way towards Jay. He’s always on standby when you’re away from him, ready to help you and pick you up if you fall.

“Is your father actually going to ride the skateboard? … Oh no he is.”

You’re holding his father’s hands while he’s trying to balance on the skateboard, and you’re laughing your heart out at him when he’s stiff and trying his best not to fall, and he’s bickering at you and biting onto his own teeth trying to hold a laugh.

Not only Namjoon and his mother are watching you.

There’s another set of eyes staring at you from far way wondering what you and Namjoon did to actually deserve being happy, because this person simply thinks you don’t.

She thinks that all the misery she’s currently going through is all because of him, she wasted her life being with him and she wasn’t even half happy, she never wanted him nor loved him.

Back when he tutored her when they were in high school she never thought of him more than a friend or even a classmate, her parents never forced her neither, they simply manipulated her and made her think that he’s going to be her partner for the rest of her life.

They dated not because they wanted to, they simply dated because they were around each other the entire time, and if she recalls correctly, she never told him that she loved him because she never did, and she didn’t hate him neither back then.

Her entire life growing up was a literal struggle when her parents kept comparing her to him. Namjoon is better at this, Namjoon got a higher grade, Namjoon is smarter, Namjoon this Namjoon that.

Okay scratch the fact that she didn’t hate him, she does, and more than ever.

She hates the way he always looked at her, she hates the way he talks and even the voice tone he argued with, she couldn’t stand his touch, the way his hand felt on her skin was unbearable.

The nights she cried herself to sleep were countless, she thinks he doesn’t deserve this happy ending and he simply just can’t have it.

What made things even worse was in fact Jay, she can’t stand the man and now she has a piece of him lying around her and actually calling her mom, and by then she knowss she reached rock bottom.

And to be fair she wasn’t quite disappointed when she found out that he’s seeing someone, she thought it could be her only way out and it actually was. But Namjoon does not deserve to be this happy.

Seeing you with his family around the lake scratched something inside her and made her insist on fucking up your lives even more. She needs to take her revenge even when she can easily admit that it was equally her fault and he feels the same way towards her.

And what better way is there to hurt Namjoon than to hurt the person he loves the most?

Namjoon gets up on his feet quickly and rushes towards you when you fall to the floor while you were trying to balance on the skateboard. Your ankle hurts and you scraped your knee until it was actually bleeding. “It’s okay, you’re okay, right?” He gets down onto his knees to help you, you gasp when his hand hovers above your knee barely touching it. “It hurts.”

“You should’ve thought about this earlier when you decided getting on the skateboard.” Namjoon carries you up and puts you down on the nearest bench before looking around trying to figure out a way to help you. “We’ll return the bikes, you can take her home.” His father suggests before Soohyun hits his shoulder. “You’re equally guilty.”

The man argues with his wife and Namjoon rolls his eyes. “I’ll take Y/N home.” And he proceeds to carry you up again and walk towards his car that wasn’t parked very far away before he takes you home.

“I’m sorry I probably ruined the night.” You land on his bed before he kneels down to wipe the blood on your knees with an alcohol swab. “Of course you didn’t, don’t say that, you were having fun.”

“I saw you talking to your mom.” You clench your fists into the bed sheets when the alcohol starts burning your wound, “I’m almost done. Yeah we were chatting.”

“Mhm.” You nod, then the room turns quiet for nearly a minute, you look at his lips twitching as if there’s something to say and he’s been hiding something. Before he finally speaks. “I’m in love with you Y/N.”

Your heart races because you didn’t see that coming, you knew it already but it felt different to actually hear it.

Your gaze shifts to his eyes as he reciprocates, he clears his throat and exhales. “I’ve been wanting to tell you a couple nights before I got the divorce, I just didn’t want to scare you or something.. Which seems.. That you are.. right now?”

“N-no. I’m not scared, there’s nothing to be scared about.” You shrug nonchalantly, trying hard to keep a straight face, “I just… Didn’t see it coming like right now.”

“Right now?” He asks.

“I figured I’d be dressed up when you actually say it, but right now I smell like blood and actually need a shower.”

He tilts his face as his eyes are still locked onto yours, before he leans in and presses the softest kiss to your cheek. “I don’t care.”

You find it very hard to say it back even when you feel the same way, it’s just that you never did this before, you never told anyone that you were in love with them too. “Okay.”

Honestly no answer was better than this answer. That was so stupid.

“Okay?” He laughs, this could usually set any guy off and it could easily mean that you don’t love him back. But Namjoon knows you very well like the back of his hand and he knows you feel the same way. And he feels so relieved that he finally said it to you.

“Okay.” You giggle. He cups your cheek and kisses your cheek once more before saying. “Okay.” And nodding his head.

No matter how hard his ex wife tried to hurt you, Namjoon was always one step ahead of her, he’s been living with that woman for three years he knows how she thinks.

Her thought process was impaired and she was blinded by hate, he knew she’s onto something but he can’t tell you, and he’ll try his best to handle everything without you knowing and having to be worried or scared.

He was always there for you and he can’t let you get hurt.

#bts smut #bts fanfic #bts x fem!reader #bts x reader #bts x y/n #bts x you #kim namjoon #kim namjoon x reader #kpop fanfic #kpop smut #kim namjoon smut #namjoon x you #namjoon smut #kpop x reader #imagine bts

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coconox · 1 year ago

Text

my 2 cents on the state of whb

i've been contemplating about my thoughts on this game since i never really sat down and processed it, and a month of not playing the game and just keeping up with fandom content/official game news i think i can properly format my words (hopefully idk lol)

if you're looking for a specific section dw i'll properly format everything under the cut so you can just scroll till you find whatever you're looking for (also head's up it's insanely long i'm sorry but kinda not sorry i wanted to just put all my thoughts into one post rather than multiple)

SMALL INTRO

for some context on my experience, i have been playing this game everyday since launch/day 1, i was f2p up until i got juno's card, which i'll talk about later, but just know in advanced that juno was the only case where i've spent money. i uninstalled around the time the announcement was made in regards to no posting full stories of paid content, so almost month ago, and only reinstalled recently to grab certain items to add to the spreadsheet that i've been maintaining since november (aka a month after launch)

i've said it privately to a couple of close friends but i'll say it publicly here: imho, i think they released the game way too early even with the fact that they delayed launch 3 times.

i understand a handleful of bugs are from the fact that the public servers are significantly larger than test servers, but playing this game after the servers kinda stabilized feels like we are the test players, like we're constantly given rough drafts rather than the final copy.

the localization is rough to say the least, but i think i've been so used to it from other gachas that i've played that it didn't really ruin the experience for me,,, except when the text would switch to an entirely different language HJGFDHJGK

from visual bugs to gameplay bugs to voiceline bugs, there's been a lack of communication in terms of what has been fixed and what is still a wip. instead the players just have to "fuck around and find out" in terms of whether something has been fixed or not.

as i continue to state the issues with this game and its direction i'd like to put a disclaimer that i am by no means an expert in any of this stuff lol. i'm just a guy who nerds out over math, spreadsheets, and video games and everything i'll be saying is my personal opinion based on what i've seen/experienced.

THE ISSUE(S)

SOLOMON SEALS AND GACHA

i think the first mistake was them adding solomon seals in the first place. based on what packs in the past looked like, it looked like red keys were originally designed to be for debut characters, but instead they throw a curve ball and add ANOTHER gacha currency that was essentially p2w only up till some point early this year. this ultimately led to there being 2 standard banners, both of which essentially do the same thing except one doesn't have A/B/C-ranks. the fact that now even with realm of seraphim, in order for f2ps to have enough to guarantee with seals, they need to save for a year and a half. that is WAY too long for ONE character. this is of course worst case scenario of needing to hit pity, i'm aware you can get characters early but you should never always expect you'll get early in gacha games, i learned that the hard way during my idk how many years i've been playing gachas lol

i personally think that there's no winning across any of the gacha banners. there's no pity for either of the standards, and debut L/S-ranks have imo too high of a pity for what we're actually receiving per week. we essentially get more or less 1 pull per week in terms of red keys, yellow keys, and seals through dailies/weeklies alone, though of course that can vary cause of the rng key boxes, monthly login rewards, etc.

PANCAKES

there seems to be a general pattern that i've noticed of rather than confronting an issue directly they try to create something new in hoping that fixes the issue instead. an example of that would be the pancake shop.

the old pancake shop was fine as is, we could get a multi for relatively cheap price and get pie boxes everyday (albeit they're rng but pies are pies). what they could've done was add the L-ranks and skip tickets or whatever new thing they wanted to add into that old shop, adjusting the currency wherever necessary. yet instead they just remove the old system entirely and replace it for a new one that no one really asked for? while having the L-ranks in shop are nice, an entirely new system wasn't necessary to make that one relatively small addition. having A+-ranks and lower give gold and books was also not necessary, we have resource stages containing those 2 things and it's very accessible to everyone. what resources we are lacking in however are tears and pies, which are arguably more important than gold and books since those 2 currencies are the core to ascending/lvling characters and their skills.

PIES

i've emailed pb in the past in regards to if there will be other permanent methods for obtaining pies, and their response was holy coin portal and events. those two are NOT stable enough for pie income considering the prices of skills. if there's instances in unholy board where we need to level a character's skills, i'd expect there to be some sort of resource stage that would allow us to get pies so that we can easily obtain that skill level requirement.

"META" GAMEPLAY

i'll explain the quotes in a bit but i do want to put a disclaimer that whb was the first time i've experienced a full on tower defense style gameplay for gachas. i was already familiar with how it works kinda because of neural cloud even though the game as a whole is more like an auto-chess game of sorts, but some story gameplay had tower defense mechanisms and i learned a fair bit from playing that. personally i also haven't played arknights since i'm trying to cut down on the amount of gachas i play but i am aware of its playstyle through friends who like to attempt to drag me into playing it cause of certain characters that i might simp over (*cough flamebringer cough insider cough chongyue cough*)

disclaimer aside, trying to piece together what characters work and what don't genuinely hurts my brain. i put "meta" in quotes because realistically there's only 1: all L-rank light types, ideally at least 1 tank, maybe 1 healer (though a tank can act as both), rest be whatever dps you'd like really (preferably satan considering the fact he can be extremely reliable without his ultimate unlike a few characters). of course, everyone will have a different opinion on what they deem as meta, but that's the general idea i'd personally follow based on what kind of battles have been given to us, what characters are available, etc. the rest tbh are just "cope and seethe" for lack of a better term.

there's a huge type advantage with light and dark types, and i really wish they could buff the other elements more just show they have some spotlight too. i also wish there were more non-light L-ranks. as of making this post, out of the 23 L-rank characters there is currently only 1 non-light L-rank, and it's juno, an L-rank fire marksman.

the part that really "hurts" me the most (don't really know what other word to put here LOL) is the fact that this game is going in a very specific direction of just dps'ing through everything and hope you clear the stage before the enemies kill you.

this game has a huge and imbalanced ratio between dps characters and support characters regardless of element. the fact that we only have 5 healers (NOT including lucifer (victory) considering he's technically a marksman and the healing is from his artifact and not in his skills) and 8 tanks, whereas marksman and close-rangers have twice or thrice the amount is absurd. what pains me more is the fact that for tanks, if you don't have mammon, you're screwed. arguably the best non-mammon option players have that's accessible is bimet. valefor and eligos share the same kit with the fact that their downfall is the possibility that they could be instakilled the second they pop their ult. healers on the other hand are somewhat more lenient. if you don't have lucifer, marbas is your next best, then gamigin (marbas and gamigin can technically be placed interchangeably since their healing differs by 0.1%, it just depends on who you have), then morax, then maybe buer but he only heals 1 unit at a time rather than multiple but i digress. healers still have multiple and very reliable non-L-rank alternatives whilst tanks really only have 1. i really, really hope there's more support units in the future cause man this sucks.

NIGHTMARE PASS

spending $50-$70, on paper, is significantly better than spending ~$400 for a character, and that's really the only "good" thing about it 💀

$50-$70 may feel like nothing to some players, but to a majority, that is a portion of a cost towards food, groceries, rent, etc. basically, i'd assume a majority of people would prioritize surviving than watching pixels on a screen.

i understand at the end of the day pb is running a business, but for kings to be fully locked behind a paywall knowing for a fact that a majority of the player base are 1. casuals/f2ps and 2. are here for the kings is absurd. plus with the fact that typically nightmare pass characters aren't added to standard and aren't always 100% guaranteed to rerun in the future just puts the nail in the coffin for me.

i think it makes more sense for non-kings like juno to be in nightmare pass because it's just additional fun and silly content that arguably won't be tied to the main lore and whatnot, maybe referenced as a silly bit here or there but it'd be more of an easter egg than something important that you absolutely need to know.

personally i bought juno's pass because i love his design, kit, and voice. story was kinda meh for me personally but i really just cared more about the va and gameplay. gameplay-wise, he certainly does not disappoint as a gehenna support unit. but do i regret purchasing him? yes and no. oddly enough this was probably the first i've ever felt guilty in terms of buying something i wanted in a gacha game. yes i regret it in terms of i'm no longer really playing this game anymore, which is unfortunate considering i barely made it through half a year of this game's release. yet at the same time, no i don't regret it because he is a really fun unit. for example, when it's gabriel's rotation in realm of seraphim, juno's, leraye (nostalgia)'s, and leraye's ultimates absolutely DESTROY gabriel in a matter of like <10 or so seconds and it's so satisfying to see. i also just really like his va, scratches a very particular itch in my brain.

anyways before i get sidetracked over appreciating juno, the fundamental flaws of nightmare pass are essentially

you shouldn't need to buy both tiers to get the character. you should realistically need to buy the highest tier and by default it unlocks all previous tiers below it

ui is a bit confusing. i still don't get why f2ps have to unlock parts of nightmare pass that they can't even access/obtain. there should be a clear separation between what f2ps get, what advanced tier gets, and what premium tier gets.

it's too expensive. most bp's i know are ~$10 at the highest tier, though that's considering the fact that bp's i'm familiar with only give cosmetics rather than actual units

from what i've heard through the grapevine, beel (bath) is basically in the same formatting as all the other currently existing bath cards, which are all currently obtainable through gacha. beel has no reason to be in nightmare pass. it genuinely makes no sense as to why pb put him there aside from getting money and that in-turn alienates a majority of the fan base since we can't even view the prologue of card stories if they're a nightmare pass character.

when nightmare pass was first released during christmas, everything was in chaos. the fact that a nightmare pass character needed the other two limited gacha characters gameplay-wise is absurd (mind you, this was before we were given the chance to earn seals through weeklies). everything was too expensive, and rather than an enjoyable christmas event it felt like a "merry christmas, now give us money" kind of situation. i think nightmare pass should not be happening as frequent as it is now. the gap between gabriel and juno was perfectly fine (4 month gap btw), but for a nightmare pass to happen back to back on top of gacha events is too much for both f2ps and p2ws.

the point of buying packs, bp, anything that costs real money in a gacha game is so it makes your gameplay experience easier, paying shouldn't be the main component of your game. personally based on what i've experienced through playing gacha games you should theoretically be able to pull for almost every character on debut just by playing dailies/weeklies/events, yet here we get a bit over a multi per patch (this includes playing realm of seraphim).

DICTATING FANDOM INTERACTIONS

i wholeheartedly believe a fandom is what keeps a game alive. a hindrance to the fan base is a hindrance to the game, which can be seen with the aftermath of pb announcing that legal action will be taken if full stories of paid content are shared publicly. while i understand from a business standpoint that pb would want to enforce the "no sharing full story" thing for paid content since they want players to yk, buy the card, like i mentioned in the previous section, the majority of the player base just cannot afford it.

the people who posted full stories wanted to share to those who cannot afford it, some people may not want only tidbits of the story but rather the whole context, especially those who enjoy dissecting character lore but don't have the irl funds to fully experience it themselves. some people may even want to archive it, cause honestly no one knows how long this game will stay up and we want to archive story so that it's something we can easily look back on. to essentially make players borderline terrified on trying to figure out whether or not it's ok to publicly post stuff in relation to any sort of story content is absurd.

there is also that loophole of what is defined as a paid story. when events end and get put behind a paywall, does that now count as paid story or is that still ok? what about debut L-ranks that are behind seals and there's a 3 month downtime till they're added to standard? or is it just referring to nightmare pass characters? paid stories in the context of the state of the game right now is insanely broad, it's practically at least 50% of this game (i'm exaggerating (or maybe not i wouldn't be surprised if that was actually the case)).

i understand no datamining, while it technically speaking isn't illegal, it's disrespectful to the devs, but a lot of these call to action methods they're announcing are rather extreme imo.

with the most recent cards either being put to standard 3 months after their banner ends or flat out paywalled and not 100% guaranteed to have a rerun, story content as of late has been very sparse. what people want most is a main story update, which we were originally promised to be updated every 3 months and it is now month 6 and we still have nothing.

EVENTS AND EVENT STORIES

event stories being locked behind a paywall after the event ends is probably the first time i've ever seen a gacha game do this. most of the gachas i've played either don't archive event story at all and just rerun it every year, don't rerun or archive the event at all (i.e. if you miss it, cope and seethe), or they archive it for FREE. it feels insanely greedy how EVERY event story needs payment if you ever want to backread an old event.

what also concerns me is the fact like instances like gamigin's event or beleth's event carry so much lore for their respective region and that may never show up in main story, which then screws new players over in not knowing the full context behind every region. events like minhyeok's or bimet's are fine in the sense that it doesn't carry that much lore in comparison to the more recent events. the first few events were like silly banter and getting to know a bit more about the cast.

also changing the event shop from daily pies to a set limit per account was an awful choice it just emphasizes my point earlier of how unstable obtaining pies are in this game.

FULFILLING PROMISES

i think while it was a smart move to list what's gonna be implemented throughout the year, they shouldn't have stated deadlines on when they're doing so.

the following are the things that still aren't implemented yet as of making this post:

new daily chats (expected within february)

friends system (expected within march)

birthday system (more specifically celebrating your bday) (expected within april)

new main story chapter (new chapter expected every 3 months)

if pb were to just say "here's what to expect in 2024" and NOT give specific months, that's fine, but giving these specific months sets an expectation that they would complete it within that timeframe. main story for example is probably the one people have been anticipating the most. by now as of july, if we were to follow the expectation pb gave us, we would currently be on chapter 7, or at the very least chapter 7 would've been released some time this month. we have not even gotten chapter 6 yet. chapter 5 was released in january. it has been 6 months since the last main story update. failing to meet these timeframes will make people upset, because it was mentioned in the announcement that it's 1. a promise (i hope i'm not the only one that takes promises seriously) and 2. in bold yellow text, "what we can realistically expect to see in 2024." the only promises that were fulfilled on-time were the ones in january, the rest have been delayed by at least a month. if you're giving a timeline of what's happening, announce if there's any changes to that timeline, because not doing so will make players believe you were lying to them even though you probably aren't and are instead just falling behind schedule.

i think what hurts more to me is the fact that they aren't publicly communicating these delays. it shouldn't be our responsibility to find out why or when something isn't happening within the timeframe they promised (e.g. by emailing them), it should be up to the devs to communicate that publicly to us. i'm not saying they should overshare what's going on behind the scenes, it can simply just be a simple announcement of "hey, we're very sorry but we're having some technical difficulties with this certain feature and we need more time. here is some compensation in the meantime, thank you for your patience and again, we're very sorry." it's that simple.

FINAL THOUGHTS

i mentioned back in my intro that i feel like this game was released too early purely because the fundamentals of making a bare minimum decent gacha game are just not there. if every patch update has people complaining on what's just recently been added/removed, you're not fully listening to what the audience wants. while i understand pb is a small business, a business is still a business regardless of size and criticism/feedback is necessary especially in a game dev setting.

i've followed this game's news ever since it was teased, which was december of 2022, i've lurked/participated in the fandom (on here at least) ever since september of 2023. i've felt a rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions of "omg this is so great" to "why is this even a feature," hoping that over time the game would get better, but the only thing that's improved was server stability (and even that's still a bit rocky 💀).

a huge part of my stay was just being a lurker in the fandom. i genuinely appreciate all the creatives who fulfill asked prompts of characters, make ocs, fanart, write theories, reactions + many more. i love seeing other people's works/opinions and having just a lively fandom made it all more fun.

but at this point this game is just not for me. i've really only stuck around to read mammon's lore but since main story hasn't been updated in 6 months i'll really only chime back in when there's finally an update. it still amazes me to this day that my patience lasted this long. i think i've covered everything i wanted to cover but my memory is swiss cheese so if i forgot something,,, woops 💀

as for the future of the spreadsheet for those who check back on it, it's still being managed by myself and windy, who has been a huge help since day 1 of creating the build lists and team comps and i honestly can't thank her enough for also enduring this pain of a game with me as we've worked on this spreadsheet together hgjdfgh (luv u bestie 🫶). though it's written in the narrative that both of us will eventually quit updating it entirely if this game persists on not having any signs of improvement. when that day comes i'll make sure to post an announcement about it.

as for myself i'm probably still gonna lurk in the fandom/keep an eye out on game news. i doubt i'll be making any fanart anymore unless if i really have the motivation/boredom for it, but currently i'm revamping the "aesthetics" of this account so nothing's really set in stone. maybe i'll make a few whb rambles here or there if some game news really irks me but for the most part i've already been in the process of moving on to other things.

if you've stuck around this long to read this mess of a post, thank you for sticking around and have a cookie, you deserve it 🫴🍪

#good grief this post was longer than i expected LOL #silly rambles #whb

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meraki-yao · 2 years ago

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List of thoughts while listening to the RWRB audiobook while drawing Alex during my drawing class (27 9 2023)

Preface: I have an hour of sketch class every week that I've been taking for 11 years now, I love it and my teacher is basically my Godfather at this point.

I'm learning to draw portraits and my teacher lets me pick the photo. I picked Alex, and I listen to the RWRB audiobook while I draw. Today's my second lesson on him, and I went through Ch6 to the first ten minutes of Ch7 (so that's state dinner, Alex's room, polo, the first few emails, Paris, Alex's birthday, to Alex's learning more about both Henry and himself)

I had to press my hand against my mouth to stop me from laughing out loud or grinning too crazily

The narrator is good at the delivery of Alex's line (I mean he's not Taylor but as a performance on its own it's pretty good) but Henry's lines DO NOT WORK. I didn't realize it on my first listen, but the British accent is just... It doesn't work, and neither does the line delivery itself. Alex's lines sound like a young man but Henry's lines sound like someone in his forties.

The corresponding movie scenes flash before my eyes whenever I listen to a scene that's in the movie

Also, certain things appear in a different order in the movie but there are a lot of smaller lines and details from the book that the film included

This morning found another AI-generated reading of the emails (this one is "you are a dark sorcerer with both Henry/Nick and Alex/Taylor, but I'm guessing the database used for the generation of this one isn't as complete cuz honestly it sounds kinda off) but that and listening to the actual audiobook made me realize as much as OH MY FUCKING GOD I NEED A FULL CAST AUDIOBOOK suddenly I can't imagine the boys reading it as an audiobook anymore? Like I'm used to hearing them in character full on acting out the scene but I just realized an audiobook is an entirely different form of performance: a dialogue, a quip like the one in the movie After the ass grope in the state dinner, the boys have a quick, continuous rhythm, but with narration, an audiobook doesn't have that. Plus I can't imagine the spicy scenes having the same intensity of delivery as a performance without being a continuously spoken through scene with kissing and wet noises, as it has be interrupted by the narration (that being said I NEED THE FULL CAST AUDIOBOOK)

It's just the second lesson/hour so all I have is a very, very rough outline sketch (I cannot emphasize how true "trust the process" is in art, it will look awful for a while until you slowly add in more details) but my teacher said I improved a lot and you can tell it's Alex (won't post any progress photos because it's... It's a long as fuck process, it's gonna take a couple of months, but when I'm done I'm definitely posting it)

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #rwrb movie #firstprince #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #henry hanover stuart fox #rwrb thoughts #rwrb audiobook #drawing progress #yeah idk why i wanted to make this list but ii wanted to make this list #my rwrb list

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drac-onion · 2 years ago

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Finished P5R

Bunch of words under the cut, honestly I'm just ranting. Figured I'd spare your timelines of a massive wall of text.

Real talk, though. I cried for like 2 hours. From 2/2 all the way to the end. I would cry for a little while, and then stop for a bit. Then I would get to a cutscene or something and the waterworks would start back up again.

Man, I just...6 years ago, I played the original Persona 5. I finished it on May 27th, 2017, a little over a month after it released. I'm kind of impressed as to how I was able to marathon the whole thing in a month while balancing college and work (although I didn't have a whole lot of time dedicated to either at the time, so whatever).

It took me nearly three years to get around to finishing Royal. I got it on launch on PS4, played it for two weeks solid, and then...sort of fell off. I blame quarantine and going a little hard in the paint on playing it every day since I had nothing else better to do, but that doesn't really matter. I was also dealing with quite a bit on my plate at the time. From my car dying (and it being entirely my fault), to losing my job, to...well, I'm not going to make this about that. I could, but I'd be here for ages if I went over everything that's happened in my life.

I just want to say how special this game is to me. The characters, the story, the music, everything just sticks with me. Even after all this time. Even after I dropped the game for three years and picked it back up on PC after transferring my save (worth the money I spent on getting my saves decrypted, if I'm honest), I never stopped loving it. I just...had some other stuff going on. Between Royal coming out and now, since I've finished it, so much has happened. It's wild to think about how much life can change in three years. Hell, how much life can change in the 6 and a half years since I finished the original. So much has happened.

Perhaps it's a little "cringe" to think so fondly of a piece of media like this (enough to shed tears). A piece of fiction. Something, at its very core, not real. Fake. Made up. But there is something about it that's real, and I can't even put it into words. But, you're just going to have to take my word for it. If you know, then you know. If that makes me cringe, then so be it. I think any piece of media can have a message, and I've always found the messages in the games I enjoy motivating. "Time never waits, so find your own meaning to life's struggle, with your heart as your guide", "Be true to yourself, no matter how painful it may be", "Stick to your values, no matter how tough things are, and change the world for the better in your own way", "Once you're at rock bottom, the only way to go is up". I wish I could apply some of these messages in my own life. I suppose the only thing stopping me is me, right? That's how that works.

God, I can feel myself wanting to cry again, but I just don't have any more tears. I think this was the emotional release I've been looking for during the last couple months. Things aren't so good for me right now, and they're about to get a lot worse now that the holidays are coming up. I...don't like this time of year, to put it simply. This will likely come up in my writing in one form or another. (Write what you know, I guess?)

Persona, as a series, has always been so special to me. I hope that the series continues to grow in the best possible way. Can't wait to cry like a bitch when I eventually finish Persona 3 Reload!

Anyway, I had more stuff I wrote here, but I got waaaaaayyyy off track and into some personal places, so I'll stop myself here.

Aaaaahhh...yeah, that one is gonna be rough, even when I know it's coming. Yep.

Well...all that said...my journey with The Phantom Thieves of Hearts isn't over quite yet...I get to ride out yet another journey with these guys...not to mention P5T coming out in around a month. I'm glad to be able to spend more time with these characters. Now, then...

#persona 5 #persona 5 royal #rambles #drac.txt

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fahrni · 1 year ago

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Saturday Morning Coffee

Good morning from Charlottesville, Virginia! ☕️

Feeling under the weather today. I started getting sick in the middle of the week. I slept a lot yesterday and hope to have a quiet weekend.

I hope you enjoy the links.

Paul Lefebvre

Just a few days ago, BASIC turned 60! On May 1, 1964 BASIC was created by Dartmouth College professors John G. Kemeny and Thomas E. Kurtz.

I really love BASIC. It was the first programming language I learned and used professionally. It was all MS-DOS based at the time and the language had changed over time to include functions and custom data types. It was a really great language.

I owe my career to Microsoft BASIC Professional Development System. ❤️

Joseph Heck

Designing a Swift library with data-race safety

Swift concurrency changes are going to be a lot of fun and take some effort to restructure existing code to make use of it.

And by fun I mean a lot hair pulling, teeth gnashing and head banging on the desk.

Jeremy Mathai • /Film

Marvel couldn’t have made a better choice if it had the Time Stone itself. Back when a “Doctor Strange” movie was far from a guaranteed hit, Scott Derrickson and Kevin Feige knew they simply couldn’t afford to get the casting wrong.

Can you imagine anyone other than Benedict Cumberbatch playing Dr. Strange? I can’t.

And to think Joaquin Phoenix was on their radar sounds strange to me. To be clear Joaquin Phoenix is an amazing actor and can play anything but after seeing Benedict Cumberbatch playing him I can’t imagine anyone else doing it.

Anton Zaides

I always knew that distractions in the workplace are harmful, but only after reading Deep Work by Cal Newport, did I understand how severe the problem is!

This is why I prefer an office to open office spaces. I don’t know how anyone thrives in an open space. Add multiple meetings a day to the mix and you’re not getting much done.

Since the pandemic I’ve been working from home and it’s wonderful. I can control my entire workspace. 🖥️

K. Denise Rucker Krepp • CNN

In some military circles and among many who consider themselves aficionados of Confederate history. The Ruckers have a history of military service going back generations. They’ve also had deep roots in America’s shameful Confederate past. That includes my distant cousin, Col. Edmund Rucker.

It’s really nice to see the Confedercy being dismantled. Now, if we could get rid of the white supremacists and bigots that would be amazing. One step at a time, I suppose.

Collin Woodard • Jalopnik

Tesla laid off at least 10 percent of its workforce earlier this month, and in typical Tesla fashion, the Texas-based automaker made sure the layoffs were done in an organized fashion with plenty of communication and a clearly defined strategy. Just kidding. The layoffs were so poorly executed that security was forced to scan employees’ badges at the door to figure out who had been laid off. And, apparently, that included a guy who had taken to sleeping in his car and showering at the factory so he could work longer hours.

Musk is such a nice, standup, fella, isn’t he? 🤬

Nothing sticks to this guy. I guess that’s what happens when you’re a narcissistic sociopath.

Richard Speed • The Register

Google’s latest round of layoffs have hit engineers working on its Flutter and Python teams.

And… more layoffs. Tech has had a rough couple years.

Howard Oakley

In my quest to implement a full app written for SwiftUI on macOS, my next tasks concern the app’s Settings, how to set those as User Defaults, how to implement some of their more common controls, and how to customise the About window. In these, SwiftUI starts to come into its own, in comparison with AppKit, although it does have a couple of surprising shortcomings.

I love it when folks share their code and experience! I’m not brave enough to do that! Thanks for the code! 👨🏽‍💻

David Merritt Johns • The Atlantic

Back in 2018, a Harvard doctoral student named Andres Ardisson Korat was presenting his research on the relationship between dairy foods and chronic disease to his thesis committee. One of his studies had led him to an unusual conclusion: Among diabetics, eating half a cup of ice cream a day was associated with a lower risk of heart problems.

This is weird to read. Ice Cream for diabetics? I mean, anything for ice cream. Amirite? 🍦

Chance Miller, Ben Lovejoy, and Filipe Espósito • 9to5Mac

A little over a year ago, General Motors made what may well turn out to be one of its biggest gambles in many years: dropping support for CarPlay for all future EVs.

The author thinks this was a mistake. I don’t.

I’m hoping this will turn out well for GM. Just don’t serve up a bunch of ads for new features and other products.

Brian Ramian • Los Angeles Times

Opinion: I once lived in my car and can’t fathom criminalizing homelessness

When I worked at LEVEL Studios in 2010 I had trouble finding a place I could stay fairly cheaply after my sub-lease ran out. I lived in my car for a week. It wasn’t horrible, but its wasn’t ideal.

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evilgabe29 · 1 year ago

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Tales from Deathmakers: A Debt Well Paid: Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Debt

Ian closed his book, it was an interesting book.

he had read the book before but he had limited funds and books aren't cheep. it also paid to keep his knowledge up to date.

Ian had no idea how much time had passed since he had started to read, it happened quite often when he got himself into an interesting book even one he has read before. it could have been a couple hours or a few week although he doubted to would take him that long to read one book. Ian wore a simple black tunic with trousers of the same pigment they hug loosely on his body, it was common for those with his magic to wear black clothes although they tended to be robes.

He stood with a grunt, yes it must have been at least two days since he sat in that chair his legs were so wobbly he would have fell over if not for using the nearby table to steady himself it was covered with his research notes written in his illegible script. once his legs got used to the weight of his body he hobbled over to his kitchen to fix himself a cup of coffee, his sleep magic could sustain him for months but it made him feel terrible the entire time, coffee helps to take some pressure off the magic.

Ian then walked back to his chain where he picked out another book about how magic interacted with organisms such as animals, plants, insects, and humans.

It was another two hours before Ian heard a knock at his door. "well that's certainly odd" he muttered to himself. "its kedrinday and mail arrives on adthosday" although his internal clock was never the best, he could never afford one of those fancy time keepers that he'd heard nobles hang on their walls. he walked over to his door, mug of coffee half drunk in his hand and opened the eye slit he had fashioned himself it caught a few time before it opened. the slit revealed a tall lanky figure with pale skin and soulless brown eyes if he didn't know better he would have thought it to be a zombies but in fact it was not, he did not have green or blue skin and its eyes while soulless where not lifeless the uniform also helped him in his deduction that this was not in fact a zombie, it was a bureaucrat.

Ian opened the door with a bit of trepidation. "good morning sir how may I help you?" Ian said despite the time of day being well past noon. "Ian Deadridge i presume?" the bureaucrat said with a thin raspy voice that complemented his frail appearance, looking up through a very small pair of glasses he continued

"I am here on behalf of the Saints of the Infinite Dawn's Debt Collection Department" the pale man flipped through his book till he landed on the page he was looking for

"yes… you owe approximately twenty thousand gold to the Saints of the Infinite Dawn which…" he trailed off looking into the shabby house filled with dirt and the smell of rotting coffee grounds.

"… you are clearly unable to pay off".

Ian up to this point was is a state of shock. he knew they would come eventually and yet he wasn't prepared for this at all, he knew he should have been putting away gold from his construction job for this but he didn't, instead he bought books, corpses, and coffee.

Ian sighed "so why are you here?" Ian said gathering up the tiny amount of confidence he could collect "you clearly already knew I couldn't pay before you got here couldn't you have sent one of your paladins to rough me up a little bit before you toss me in one of those fancy boxes for the rest of my life?"

the man looked up from his book and said in a tone that could almost be disgust "the reason i am here is that the church has a proposition for you to help you pay off your um debt" the bureaucrat flipped to another page in his book

"you are a necromancer correct?"

"yes?"

"according to my files you have never killed anyone before correct?" the small man said.

"yes that is correct"

"good" the bureaucrat said to himself while scribbling down something in his ledger "it is for that reason we are willing to forgive your debt if you do some jobs for us"

this sounded like a good deal but just like with any Good Deal something was off

"why me? isn't your order against the whole idea of necromancy?"

"yes well under the previous supreme cleric there was a more active stance against necromancy the new supreme cleric has decided to take a more passive approach, as long as they don't do anything illegal or morally reprehensible we will be happy to leave them alone"

"i see but wouldn't working with a necromancer still hurt your image? and why do you need a necromancer anyways?"

"that is why you will be working under the table so to speak"

"i see that would make sense i suppose, but i still don't get why you need a necromancer"

"that's enough questions for now, if you refuse the deal we will have to turn to other methods of paying off your debt"

"you're giving me a lot of options." Ian sighed looking at the bureaucrat that successfully taken his peaceful life away from him "yeah just let me get dressed and grab my things" he said defeated

Ian went back into his house and quickly collected his haphazardly strewn about notes then tossed on his trench coat, it was a bit warm but its going to be winter soon so better be safe than sorry. his coffee left forgotten in his hand made its way to the table as he gathered his things into a cheep canvas bag then was left for a different mug better suited for travel. he closed the door as he left making sure it was locked, he couldn't have people stealing his books while he was gone.

I'm not really happy with the very basic cookie cutter fantasy world i made for this. I do really like the title though so I'm definitely sticking to that. I've got one more chapter written for this that i will post but then i will probably rework the story and the world a ton till i get it to where i am happy with it

#fantasy #writing #creative writing #writing is hard #writeblr #Tales from Deathmakers #probably some other tag i forgot idk

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oennpellmell · 1 year ago

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Stuck in a moment

Have you ever have one of those moment, when you have known a song for years that you found nice in passing, but put no mind into it, until it finds its way back to you years later, and suddenly, you understand it so deeply it moves you to tears? Because you sadly got to experience what it was talking about, and you couldn't appreciate the message until then? And now that you have, you feel so grateful this song exists?

I never though I would ever cry to a U2 song. Not because I don't like that group. I do. I have a couple of albums from them and have been listening to their music since 2001. But their music never stroke my soul, until now because I wasn't yet ready for what they meant musically.

Usually, the music I listen to are music I can put on scenes and stories I made, that can help carry an emotional narrative. U2's songs are already so full and melodically so unique, I found difficult to use them as a story back up. They tell their own story, but they don't tell mine. And maybe that is why I couldn't appreciate them so far, because I was treating it like any other song. I applied them to a story, instead of myself. But finally, it all changed.

Those last days have been rather tough on me. The past years were in general, but the last month was peculiarly rough. However, I feel like sharing some of the relief a couple lyrics gave me today.

My health plummeted at the beginning of this year. Again. But honestly, this time gave me a fright. It started with a little cold. A simple cold and a bit of fever. But due to my second COVID last summer, my health was already fragile and my immune system weakened. So I had not much defense left against this tiny bug which, worsen, and grow like a snowball, spreading to my lungs, leaving me breathless and suffocating for weeks.

I spend a full month battling against that, trying to find a way to breath again. Every whiff of air being harder than the previous one. People don't realize how breathing is important until you struggle to get enough air in your system to function. Fearing sleeping because you do not know if you will wake up again gasping for air, your heart racing. Because your nose is sealed off, so dry, it bleeds, because you clenching your jaw and if you breath from your mouth, you will trigger a wave of coughing that will chock you up. Having to run in another room during the night to not wake up anyone, and being there alone, suffocating, unable to get anything in because your body wants desperately to expulse something that isn't there. Feeling you chest tensed, trying to calm the spasms, that you know will just hurt you more.

In those moments, you are left with no energy, except the one to think. To think of what you have become.

A shell of yourself you have dragged along for the past 4 years. A husk of a person that can't get out of bed, that get tired from simply changing cloth. That loons around, trying to find a reason to be. And wondering were your let yourself go and why you can't find it back. Despite fighting, and searching. And failing, over and over to regain a spark that will put you back on your legs.

Because the idea of standing up is overshadowed by your fear of not knowing how long it will take before you will physically collapse again. Because you realize, that drawing, reading, creating doesn't bring you any joy any more. While your entire life, it was your reason to be. And without that, you can't find enough power to fight against your own broken body.

It was you air. And now, you struggle to even do those things, you could do without thinking. Having to fight and struggle to even take in any tiny amount of it, not because you enjoy it - the feeling of peace is long gone - but because if you give up, you are as good a dead.

To come to the realization that my art was my breath but now I am fighting to get it back, just like I am fighting to get air, is heartbreaking. It is not a pleasant feeling. This suffocating distress of needing something, gathering all your will power to grasp any amount you can to give yourself a brief reprieve, only to realize you didn't get enough and have to fight for more the second it fades away.

So you lie there, taking it all in. That this has been your life for the past years. With your art, your motivation, your joy, your energy, your everything. And that it is simply manifesting in the most physical way possible.

You are stuck in a moment. Stuck in a loop for so long you don't know how to get out of it. Something you don't even wish to your worse enemy. You want to finish you project, the way you want oxygen again. But you can't because your body won't allow you to. Your heart is frozen, your mind shattered, and just like an infection, spreading, growing because it found the perfect weaken ground, it take roots and won't let go.

Then you hear a song, you haven't heard in years. In a movie you watched because you came across it in a moment of dephasing and let yourself be carried by your curiosity. You see an old lion, crippled by grief, unable to leave his house, unable to sing again, because his muse is gone, be sang to one of his songs, by a random stranger. A song about being stuck. And suddenly, the lyrics make sense to you. And make you cry.

Because the lyrics are you. They are your pain, and they are your sorrow, and they allow you you the tears you have been holding back, and the rage you tried to contain, to form and escape.

Oddly this pain, you knew was there and have acknowledged many times before without really looking at it, isn't ugly. Isn't scary. It is there with you, but it is not a monster. It is a proof of your life, of the joy long gone, and the hope that was once there.

It is not to be feared. It is to be hugged and comforted. It is not your enemy, it is your reflection. It need not to be fought, it needs to be looked at. It is the proof you are still there, feeling, and casting it aside, is casting a part of your existence.

When I was a young child, no matter how dark my life had been - and dark it was, way more than now ironically - I never felt it was too much. I refused to lose hope, and carried on, because no matter how painful it was, that pain was my only proof I was alive. Proof I existed. Even if I didn't like it, I preferred it over not being.

I though, as long as I was, I could be more, I could see more, I could learn more, I could create more. It gave me so much strength, so much power. Today, I wonder were this child has gone. Tonight, I want to be this child again.

Recently, I feared that maybe because I had no moment of peace throughout my life, I burned her all up? That this pain was her. All bruised up. Tired and crying. Telling me, I used to be stronger, I use to be smarter and braver. I used to be her. And I felt so much shame from letting her down.

But now I realize, that child had no other choice than being this way. I discarded that pain of not being able to rest, because I was simply surviving. But I never lived. I am master surviving. We all do. But growing up, I came to see that we all suck at living. Society doesn't teach us how. And doesn't allow us to. And it the adult me that needs to make that change. To teach my old self what life is.

Those tears, this rage, this cry, is this realization. The reason why I can't anymore, isn't because I run out, it is because I have to learn to go without the stress of disappearing and be no more. In reality, I don't have to prove my value to society, to any Gods, to my family and all the people that told me I wasn't enough.

I just have to be.

I just have to think: was I drawing because I want approval or because I had joy in it? Was I playing music because I was told it gave me worth or because it carried me? Was I writing because I want to show I was smart or because I want to give hope?

Am I breathing with my whole body because I am fighting off a disease, or simply because that is how naturally it goes?

And long as I am avoiding to answer to those questions, I won't budge from where I am.

There will always better days, they say. It is simply a bad moment that will pass, I heard. But the truth is, there won't be any better place to be if you stay immobile. As frustrating it is to write this. And as hopeless it may seem to be in that hole, the worst limit there can be is the one you put to your mind.

So be your own muse, be your own project, be your own music. Take a good breath... And make a step forward.

No matter where you are heading, even if it is in the dark, or in a scorching fire. It will always be better than standing still, not knowing where you could have reach and what you could have seen. There is no future to walk forward, if you don't move in your present.

As long as you can walk, there always be a ground to explore. And eventually, you will look back and realize, that road was worth taking. It may not make you reach any summit and force you leave behind places you loved and home you missed, but it still leads you somewhere.

I leads you to your life. The one you had, and the one ahead. With every pain and tears, with every laughter and despair. No road is made for you but the one you build, no path is waiting for you but the one you create. And no one can walk it for you.

No shame in standing still, no wrong is saying you are tired. No failing in voicing how hard it is and that you have reached your limit. You are allowed to take a breather, you are allow to say "nope, I am good here." As long as, it makes you happy.

Just make that yours. However, if you feel it is not your place, don't make this misery your home. Don't feel bad because you took the wrong turn. We all stumble. But we don't recover the same. So if you find a hand to help you up, grab it. If you need to crawl, use your nails. If tears comes up, let them run. If you need to step back, turn around. Every distance you can take, claim them as yours.

Every bit, every inch, fight for them, even if it painful. That bleed you losing is proof your heart beats, that scream you push is proof you have a voice, that sadness is proof you feel. Don't dismiss it, even if disturbs other. Allow them to be. Allow them out, allow them existence.

Until the bleed stops, until the scream turns into a humming, until the tears sooth out. Then you won't be crawling, you won't be fighting. You'll just be strolling. Peacefully. Feeling the wind, experiencing the rain, talking with passerby.

Breathing again like you were meant to be.

#stuck in a moment #U2 #inner thoughts #long post #a bit of hope

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w3ap0n-0f-mass-d1v1n1ty · 2 years ago

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Return of the Queen

Hey, hi, so um...I'm very new to tumblr and I have absolutely NO idea what I'm doing yet but... I've been working on this fanfic of Stranger Things and since I know a lot of people post fanfics on here I thought I might give it whirl. I tried looking up other people's to see how this is done here but just ended up confusing myself lol!

I don't have a word count or a synopsis right now because it's literally all just written in my notepad and I have no idea where I'm gonna go with it but I've written two and a half chapters so far and I'm gonna post them individually :)

As far as warnings go, this is what I would put for this chapter:

-Mild swearing -Losing a parent/Death -Very mild smut

Chapter One Every rose has its thorn; just like every night has its dawn

Monday; March 3rd, 1986 - Hawkins, Indiana

Well this is just fantastic. It's March, with 2 1/2 months left in the semester, and I've somehow managed to land right back here - in the last place on Earth that I want to be...

Hawkins High School

Leave it to my family to just completely fall apart in the 9th inning of my entire childhood career. High School is a drag as it is without having to uproot yourself at the end of your SENIOR year and go back to where it all started. I would have been fine! I'm 17. I'm old enough to make it on my own for 3 months...but no. Dear old Daddy made sure if anything happened to him before I turned 18 that I would go stay with his sister, my aunt Debbie. So here I am; back in bumfuck Hawkins, Indiana. When I was a little girl, and up until we moved away, I loved this town. I was so mad when he made us move...but now I miss Chicago. I really fell in love with the city during my almost three years there with my Dad, living in a small apartment just outside of downtown. It was hard at first to get used to such a change, but that all went away when I realized how much easier it is to go to concerts when you live in a major U.S. city! At my first one, Def Leppard was the headliner. We moved to Chicago in November of 1983 - 10 months after the release of Pyromania, so they were on tour. It was AWESOME! Just over a year later, I somehow managed to convince my VERY protective father to let me go to the Metallica concert while they were on tour for their Ride the Lightning album. I was hooked. Goodbye, Hawkins; hellooooo Chicago!

...Or so I thought.

Winter in the Windy City can be rough. It's cold, icy, and it's a big city which means it comes with big-city problems. We made it through the first one alright...but the second one, not so much. On February 14th, a huge thunderstorm rolled in just after lunchtime and it didn't let up the whole rest of the day. The temperature was way below freezing and had been for a couple of days. The roads were frozen and so were the people, but Dad still had to work so we could stay afloat. He had been sick for about a week. It started out as a cold but it got worse and didn't go away. He left early in the morning to go to work at 104.7 WCLF Radio Station as part of their janitorial staff. He worked all day, sick as a dog, because he was determined to make sure I was taken care of. He got off work around 5:30 that evening, and started down to his 1965 Pontiac Tempest. At 18 years old and with very little routine care, it was a miracle the damn thing started at all. It took 30 minutes just to heat up a little, and that wasn't even enough to unfreeze the windshield. Dad was in a rush to get home. He should have waited, but he didn't. I was always telling him it was better to wait for the windshield to thaw than to end up in a wreck but he didn't listen. He cleared it as much as he could with his scraper and the sleeve of his coat, like he always did, and headed home. Problem was, it was still raining and it was still below freezing. Combine that with not being able to see out of your windshield and...well...

No more Valentine's Day for me I guess.

I moved in with my aunt right after the funeral, and she took care of setting all my Dad's remaining affairs in order. What little inheritance he had saved for me is in a safety deposit box until I officially turn 18. I miss my Dad. I rag on him a lot because of the decisions he's made...but he was my best friend and my biggest supporter. My Mom - a drifter that rolled into Hawkins for a summer - took off as soon as she could safely get rid of me. I'm not sure if I want to believe that she knew she wouldn't be able to care for me and just elected to give me the best chance with my Dad or if she just hated me that much, but either way...she wasn't a part of my life. It was just me and my Dad. His brother and his sister helped of course. Gramma was gone by the time I was 5. She smoked like a freightrain for 40 years, so no one was really suprised when she booked it out of here early. Uncle Roger moved away about a year or two before we did. He's somewhere in upstate New York with a fancy, uppity wife named Stefani. Yes, StefAWHni...not Stephanie. Whatever, man. You know?

Great...I'm late for English. I knew I should have skipped breakfast this morning. Oh well, Mrs. Gerta will get over it. She's only about a million years old...maybe I'll get lucky and she won't even notice me coming in. It could be a lot worse...I could have had to walk to school. I got lucky in that regard. My aunt's...boyfriend? I don't think she was ever married...anyway, her partner passed away about 6 months ago leaving her with his 1977 Maserati Kyalami and enough money to buy her dream car and pay off her house. She was gonna sell his car, but she didn't really want to. So when I came to stay, license in hand, she decided to let me drive the Maserati until I can afford to buy my own wheels. It's not too shabby...but it's no Firebird either. I am grateful to have something though. Dad had promised me the Tempest as soon as he could get a new car...I almost ralphed when he told me but I knew better than to be ungrateful for a car, even if it was a piece of junk. Of course, it was totaled in the wreck. So I would have had nothing if not for Jim's Maserati and my aunt's generosity. I open the heavy, wooden door as gingerly as possible, trying to slip in undetected but...

"Miss Morrison!" Ah, shit...she saw me. Mrs. Gerta's shrill voice gained the attention of every pair of eyes in the room. "Glad you've decided to grace us with your presence. I would have thought after a week at our school you'd know your way around. Please, take your seat and begin reading your copy of The Great Gatsby in silence with the rest of the class. There will be a quiz over the chapters you should have covered at the end of the hour." I fumbled over a half-assed apology and sat down in my seat as quickly as possible. I loved English, but nobody could take something you love and turn it into something so non-triumphant like Mrs. Gerta could. She made it her life's mission to compete with all the girls in her class for the boys' attention. Grody. She's old enough to be our great-grandmother... I shiver at the thought. I'd rather just sit this class out. After English is History with Coach Foreman, followed by a stimulating Latin class taught by Mr. Smith, then Biology with Mr. Kloeck, then - at long last - lunch. At least at lunch I can put on my headphones and block it all out. The noise, the people...the memories.

The first week of school was an absolute drag. New hallways, new locker locations and combinations, new teachers with new names and attitudes, and COMPLETELY different classes. I wasn't taking any of the classes I had been taking in Chicago because...guess what? Horrid Hawkins didn't have any. Literally. No art, no choir, no drama for starters. No honors classes, which I previously mentioned. This place is awful. It could be much worse though. At least most of the people that I knew from before are gone now - graduated - and most of the ones my age, thank God, just don't remember me. I was suprised at first - given that it's such a small town and usually small towns have a hard time forgetting things or people... but when I heard about all the stuff that's been going on around here over the past few years, I could see where there could be a general kind of "out of sight, out of mind" mass dementia. Honestly, half the stuff I've heard I don't even know if I can believe. It all sounds so bizarre... I thought people were pranking me at first, until I saw the display case full of memorials from students who had died or disappeared. How anyone stays here is beyond me. I guess most of them are just resistant to change. Most people that live in Hawkins have been here their entire lives. Change isn't something most people like, especially in a small town. I think I'll just stick to school and my aunt's house. Nothing weird happening there and I have all the niche hangout spots I could ask for.

I passed the "quiz" with flying colors. Of course, I'm used to Chicago teacher's tests and I'd read The Great Gatsby once before...as a Freshman. Yeah, in Chicago I took the Honors classes - the ones Hawkins does not offer. So I'm in with the rest of the "normal" people and rereading this awful, depressing book. I mean, really...who wants to read about some guy going to all that trouble to get the girl, just to not get the girl? Gag me with a spoon! Besides, I'm not big into the mushy romance stuff anyway. History was a snooze-o-rama, but it's easy enough to get through. Biology is almost always intriguing, even if Mr. Kloeck is the biggest lame-o I've ever seen. Latin is harder. I won't say I didn't doze off a time or two. I probably would have slept through the whole class, but the kid that sits next to me - a freshman named Dustin - is hilarious! He does a good job of keeping me entertained when I can keep my eyes open. Today, he asked me about the ornate black, silver and ruby ring that I wear on a chain around my neck - which I immediately tucked into my shirt and declined to answer. He didn't bug me about it, thankfully, and then he started going on about his D&D club "Hellfire". He's so nerdy and cute in a little-brother kind of way. Once he gets talking about something he likes, he could go on and on for the entire class; which is great for me because I'm not much of a talker, so it's nice to have conversation with someone who just lets me listen. I love Dungeons & Dragons. I used to play all the time as a freshman with my own group... but I wasn't about to let him know that. No, sir. The less attached I get to people here, the better. As soon as I graduate, it's back to Chicago.

The rest of the day went by without a hitch. Lunch actually wasn't bad today. I sat in the back corner table like I always do and they were serving steak fingers with mashed potatoes and gravy and those delicious hot rolls that I love. I don't know how they make them but my GOSH they're good! After lunch, I have Algebra with Miss Schwitz. Lame. Then I get to play Library Aide for Ms. Rice which I absolutely adore. It's quiet, I get to listen to music, AND I get to read. I don't get bothered much in there because not many people really come in. It's most triumphant. Then I end the day in shop with Mr. Hendricks. It's not too bad. I like learning all the stuff in there because it helps me feel more independent - like I can take care of myself. You know? After all the crap I've been through, I don't ever want to have to depend on anyone again...

#fanfiction #female reader #stranger things #hawkins #stranger things 4 #eddie munson #dustin henderson #chapter one #fanfic #fanfics #fanfic writing #heterosexual

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inkwolvesandcoffee · 3 years ago

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The Boxer Outside the Ring (Tommy Conlon x Reader)

Genre: Romance, Fluff

Pairing: Tommy Conlon x Florist!Reader

Word Count: 1.9K

Warnings: N/A, unless we count tooth-rotting domestic fluff as a warning

Summary: The first time Tommy asked me why I took care of him, mostly by patching him up after each match, I gave him a yellow rose. A few days later I found him immersed in one of Gramps books about the language of flowers. The meaning behind the yellow rose is one of the first he learned and remembered, so he could have given me one today. However, instead he gave me something far more precious.

His company.

His time.

TH Masterlist / Monster Masterlist

Tag list: @buttercup32sstuff @liliac-dreamer @vir-tual @potter-solomons @ilovemanypeople @zablife @hecatemoon87 @alikaheroes

Want to be tagged in the future? Send me a message or leave a comment and I’ll make sure to add ye!

Never judge a book by its cover. It’s a common saying which even applies to a man as distant and closed up as Tommy Conlon.

To be honest, I hadn’t expected much from him aside from a cold attitude and a short fuse. The stories making the rounds at the boxing school have found their way into town, even whispered among the customers when they drop by for a new bouquet of flowers. Various nicknames have been mentioned. ‘Cerberus personified’ is mentioned most. ‘Cú Chulainn incarnate’ is a common reference to the boxer among the Irish community. ‘That chap who helps out on Mondays’, however, is how Gramps used to refer to him before he learned his name.

It was a quite strange Monday about five months ago when Tommy and I first crossed paths. The weekly delivery of flowers had come in alongside an additional order for a couple of new pots. Overestimating my ability, I tried to move a cart laden with the new supplies and package material from the street onto the pavement. I pushed and pulled, but to no avail and the driver wasn’t much use either, continuing to unload the rest of the cargo.

I stiffened when a pair of rough hands appeared at the back of the cart and a gravelly voice told me: “Push it. I’ll pull.”

Without harbouring any expectations, I did what I was told.

And on to the pavement it went.

Clad entirely in black, an imposing muscular man with eyes as blue as the ocean appeared from behind the cart. I swallowed hard and tried to make myself as small as possible because, while I was grateful for the help, an air of violence hung around him.

“Need help?” he asked with a gentle smile on his plush lips.

Perhaps that was the moment I started to trust him.

All because of that one smile.

“Well, if you don’t mind.” After all, it was only me since Gramps had to think about his health.

“Sure.” His expression darkened when he noticed the driver. A flicker of hardly contained anger illuminated his eyes, grown cold and full of an animalistic menace. A chill ran down my spine while I mentally made the vow to never provoke my curious helper.

He walked over to the truck, voice raised so the other man could hear him. “Shouldn’t you have done something? She has to do this by herself and you let her struggle.”

The driver remained silent, chest rising and falling quicker with each step Tommy took towards him. Fortunately, he was the target of his wrath, but I’d be just as mortified had it been me.

“There better be a colleague of yours next week who’s a little more helpful because if I see you one more time, it’ll be the last. Understood?” Tommy leaned in, making use of his imposing stature, to drive his point home twice over .

Perhaps I should’ve said something, but all I remember feeling was relief. Maybe things would change for the better, at least in the way of being given a little more help in running the shop on my own.

Tommy nodded at the last of the supplies and plants, sitting on the street and waiting to be taken inside. “That’s the last of it?”

“Y-Yes,” the driver stammered, his complexion gone as pale as snow. He looked ready to pass out or, rather, succumb to a heart attack.

“Good. We’ll handle it from here.”

The driver rushed into the truck, started the engine, and drove off as fast as he could.

Tommy spat on the ground and turned to me. “Ma’am, would it be alright if I help out each week here with the delivery?”

“You’ve only known me for a couple minutes.” I crossed my arms and tried to get a read on him, unsure whether he was serious or pulling my leg. “Why?”

“Because you look like you could use the help. Don’t you have colleagues, ma’am?”

“I only have my grandpa. Tell you what, I’ll let you, but under one condition.”

He narrowed his eyes, chin lifted. “Which is?”

I extended my hand as I walked over to him. “That you call me by my name from now on. I’m Y/N.”

His handshake was firm yet gentle, like he was afraid he’d break my fingers. “Tommy Conlon.”

Since then he’s been helping out every Monday morning. Combine that with a couple of dates, more than once to our favourite bakery for breakfast, and we are where we are.

Five months later, living together in the apartment above the shop.

I cringe as another surge of pain flares up in my abdomen. It truly is great being a woman. Especially the fact that each month you have to experience what Mother Nature won’t give you a receipt for so you can return it. Fortunately, Tommy took over from me earlier today so I could put on my pyjamas and curl up in bed with a cup of tea.

After a month of unloading the weekly delivery together and gaining each other’s trust, he insisted I’d at least teach him how to use the register. However, Gramps will, as always has been the case in my absence, take care of the actual closing of the shop. It is a shame, though, I won’t get to see the customers being caught off-guard by a hulking figure clad in an apron trying his damn best to remember everything we’ve taught him about flowers and plants.

The bedroom door opens and Tommy walks in, a plastic bag from the local drugstore in his hands. He sent a text earlier saying he'd first do some groceries before heading home. “I got you pads, both for day and night.”

I pause my series and turn onto my side to face him. Not once has he shown any sign of the discomfort most men display when dealing with tampons and the like. At first, he remained completely silent and let me browse at leisure. Yet, he now pops in the occasional question and throws around inspecting glances as if he is trying to compose a database of information essential to him.

The mattress dips when he sits down on the edge of the bed. Brow furrowed, he pulls out one of each package. “These are the ones you use, right?”

I nod and rub his forearm. “Yeah, you bought the right ones. Good job, Tommy.”

A relieved smile spreads on his lips. “I’m more observant than you think.” He runs his hand through my hair, features soft. “Need anything? Medicine? Tea?”

“Nah, I’ll be fine. These cramps won’t kill me.”

He grabs Bun Bun, the light brown stuffed rabbit he gave me for my birthday recently, and removes the heatable component in its belly. “I’ll be right back.”

Tommy gets up and leaves for the kitchen. Albeit muted by the distance, I can hear him toss the small bag of cherry pits into the oven and the door slamming shut harder than intended. At first it used to annoy me, but I’ve come to accept he simply can’t help it because he’s stronger than he thinks.

A giggle erupts from my throat as I envision how he tends to look whenever it happens. He’ll hang his head, handsome features contorted into an expression like a kicked puppy. The first time I saw it, it left me baffled for how could a man like him display such fragility? However, now, the only thing I’ll do is smile to let him know it’s okay. After all, he isn’t what the nicknames make him out to be.

He isn’t a cold-blooded monster.

Only a little clumsy outside the boxing ring. Moreover, he carries with him a story he hasn’t even given me a sliver of in the time I’ve known him. But that’s okay.

Sometimes things are better left untold.

I giggle and flip back over to continue watching my series. Tommy comes back a bit later, hastening to the bed while cradling the heat pack. Judging by the sound of velcro bands, Bun Bun gets once again opened up, this time for an implant.

Blocking out the light with his broad shoulders, he looms over me to tuck the stuffie into my arms. Satisfied that I’m properly tucked in, he hums and runs his fingers through my hair. I briefly close my eyes, snuggle with Bun Bun, and lean into his touch.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t last long since he climbs off the bed the moment after.

Unwilling to show my sulkiness, I continue to lie with my back to him. Nonetheless, the sullenness turns into unbridled restlessness at the sound of rustling fabric. I bite my lip to suppress the urge to flip around and watch him change into his pyjamas, to enjoy the sight of his muscles outlined by the light and decorated with tattoos. My fingers begin to itch with the need to trace his back, a pleasure I get to indulge in all year round since Tommy refuses to sleep with a shirt on. To cure the itch, I entwine them beneath the sheets so they can’t go wandering off on the sensual adventure my mind is begging for yet my body refuses with all her might.

The mattress dips again, the duvet ruffling with Tommy’s struggle to get comfortable. Once he is, however, he slips a big warm hand on my abdomen.

“What’re we watching?” he murmurs, lazily placing a kiss on the back of my head.

“Supernatural.” I glance over my shoulder. “Have you ever seen it?”

He shakes his head.

“If you want, we can start from the first episode.”

“Nah, don’t have to. This evening is all about you, not me.”

“You sure?”

He snuggles up to me, voice low and gruff with sleepiness. “Just press ‘play’.”

Legs entwined and his sturdy chest pressed against my back, we watch a few episodes. There’s a certain magic in two introverts sharing the same bubble. They are in a world of their own yet able to connect in a way others can’t. Silence is our language and his words tonight wrap me in a familiar cosy and secure cocoon.

It has already gone completely black outside, the moon bright in the sky, when a soft snoring cuts through the sarcasm and old rock songs. Puzzled, I pause the episode to make sure the noise isn’t my laptop breathing its last or in the series. Neither of which seems to be the case since the noise cuts through the silence regardless.

A displeased grunt falls from Tommy’s lips when I try to look over my shoulder. I let out a breathless laugh, shut down the laptop, and carefully manoeuvre myself to face him and tuck him in. Instinctively, he props himself beneath my chin, nose pressed against my neck and his arms wrapped around my waist to keep us close together.

I caress his short brown locks and press a tender kiss on the scar on his forehead, an injury he sustained recently in a boxing match. Slowly, my mind grows foggy while my limbs grow heavy with sleep.

The last thing I feel is the warm breath of a content sigh on my skin.

And the sensation of something soft though firm digging into my chest.

Poor Bun Bun, firmly wedged between us, has lost tonight’s honour of being my favourite cuddle buddy.

#Tom Hardy #Facepuller #Tom Hardy imagine #Tommy Conlon #Tommy Conlon imagine #Warrior

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wri0thesley · 4 years ago

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i know we all love toji being nasty, but i'd love to see a (slightly) sweeter side of him and the reader as mamaguro, if possible?? maybe featuring the reader in his lap, the first time toji's ever really wanted to really do right by his partner... the ability of a man like him to have a softer side has plagued me ever since akutami said he mellowed out with his wife 😭

saying the important things - toji x fem!reader (2.1k)

toji’s not the kind of man who wears his heart on his sleeve. but he’ll try, for you.

warnings: none! reader is mamaguro and uses fem pronouns, pregnancy is briefly talked about. this is just soft honestly

[reblogs/comments appreciated! // my jjk masterlist]

Megumi is sleeping.

He lays in his crib, his chubby cheeks squished against the soft mattress, his hair dark and messy. At times like this, you can see so much of Toji in him, and it makes your heart ache. You can’t believe that you helped create something so perfect – from his tiny face, the tilt of his nose, the perfectly formed fingers and toes . . . You find it hard to believe that Megumi could really be yours.

“You’re starin’ at the kid again.”

Toji’s voice comes from behind you and startles you – you jump, guiltily turning to see your husband. His voice is dark and rough, but as you see him you realise that his face is anything but. Oh, sure – he has a scar bisecting the corner of his lip, muscles rippling out of a tight black shirt. But the look on his face is peaceful, and as he meets your eyes it just seems to fade into something even more so.

“You come stare at him,” you say, “you’ll understand why.”

He makes a little huff of amusement – but Toji Fushiguro is under your thumb, so he humours you by moving forward. Big arms wrap around your waist, making you feel safe and held in his embrace. His chin rests on your shoulder, sharp green eyes on the messy-haired bundle of wonder sleeping in the crib that you’d watched Toji build with a screwdriver clenched between his teeth.

(“How hard can it be?” He’d asked you. “S’flat pack, right? Guys who aren’t half as smart as me do it--”. In the end, it had taken six and a half hours and Toji had had to physically pick you up and sit you down on a chair because you couldn’t stop bending down to help. He’d placed his hands on his hips and pointed an accusing finger at you. “You’re gonna get yourself stressed, sweetheart, and it isn’t gonna do any good for the kid.” You hadn’t expected Toji Fushiguro to be the over-protective kind . . . but you’d be lying if you said that his pout and furrowed eyebrows weren’t adorable).

Megumi’s eyes had turned the same shade of green as Toji’s around the five month mark, for the record.

“We did a good job, huh?” There’s a hint of pride in Toji’s voice that he does his best to dampen down – he’s trying to be cool, even now. Your hands come to rest over his own, where they’re clasped onto your hips.

“I think we did a great job,” you tell him, and snorts out a little laugh against your neck that tickles, making you bend back into sub-consciously. “No, really. I think he’ll fetch a high price on the black market. Look at all of that hair.”

“Takes after me,” Toji tells you. “I think I’d fetch a high price too.”

“You know you’d fetch a high price,” you say, turning around to wrap your arms around his neck. You find yourself on your tip-toes just so you can feel a little closer to equal to him. “You’re a wanted man, Mr Fushiguro--”

“You’re a wanted woman, Mrs Fushiguro,” He says, bending his head – and his lips brush across yours, and you feel your entire body fill with the heady knowledge that he wants you. You know it – he makes it clear in the gentler way he holds you against him, his attempts to do chores around the house, the way his fingers entangle with yours when you’re out doing grocery shopping as a little family. But there’s something that you can’t quite express that feels all the more special about the embrace and the words when you two are on your own.

It hadn’t always been like this.

When you’d first met Toji, he’d been all dark flashing eyes and dangerous smile and tugging hands, a cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth as he flirted and charmed his way into your life. His voice had been dark and deep, he’d winked at you and made insinuations and insisted, occasionally, that this wasn’t a relationship so much as a mutually beneficial arrangement--

Until someone else had flirted with you in a club and Toji had grabbed your hand and pulled you into him, arm wrapping around your waist. Perhaps you’d been trying to make him jealous – you’d long ago accepted that your crush on Toji and desire to make him yours officially were going to come to a sticky end, seeing as he seemed to value his freedom so highly – but you hadn’t expected it to work.

He’d murmured into your neck that night that you were his, forever, and he never wanted to see someone else’s hands on you again--

“Does this mean I can call you my boyfriend, finally, then?” You’d asked, a hand cupping his cheek, thumb brushing the scar on his lip. Toji had grinned at you, dark and deep and dangerous but warmer than you’d ever seen it. He’d held you that night like he’d just realised how precious you were.

“Sweetheart,” he’d said to you in response. “Hell. Y’can call me your husband if you want.”

You had laughed and thought he was joking.

“Maybe I’ll try that after a proper proposal,” you’d said, tapping his nose. You’d expected him to grab your hand before you could make contact and pin you underneath him, tell you off for being so cheeky – but instead, the pad of your finger had made contact with it and you swore you’d seen a dark flush dust his high cheekbones.

You’d figured that was the end of it, until two weeks later he’d pulled out an expensive-looking ring whilst the two of you watched a movie.

“Well?” He’d asked you, looking almost uncomfortable – almost afraid that you might say ‘no’. “Whaddya say, angel? Gonna try callin’ me husband now?”

And you had.

He’d confessed everything to you before he’d asked about taking your name. His exact line of work, why he wanted to leave his old surname behind – and though you know you shouldn’t have, you’d simply taken it in stride. If this was what it took to have him, you would accept it; it had been too long, and you loved him too much, to simply walk away. You’d found out you were expecting Megumi six weeks before the small wedding and had told Toji immediately.

He’d seemed scared, but he’d seemed excited to – whirling you around like you weighed nothing before he anxiously put you back down and stepped back.

“That’s fine, right?” He’d asked. “I dunno much about kids. I haven’t hurt ‘em or anything, have I?”

He’d made a real effort around the house whilst you were incapacitated by your pregnancy, too – sometimes too much of one, as he batted away your attempts at cooking or cleaning with an insistent ‘I can do it, sweetheart!”. You’d let him make mistakes – honestly, a couple of disasters notwithstanding he’d made a decent effort.

You’re not afraid to leave Megumi alone with him, though Toji still hasn’t quite mastered the life skill of ‘talking to my baby as if he is my child and not simply a friend who I want to slightly intimidate’.

Sometimes you see Toji sat in an armchair with Megumi in his arms, a tiny hand wrapped around Toji’s massive thumb, and you think you could die from how much you love them both.

“C’mon,” Toji murmurs, breaking the kiss. “He’s fast asleep.”

You let yourself be dragged over to said armchair in the corner of the room, next to the little case of children’s books you and Toji had chosen for him

Megumi likes dogs; he claps his pudgy little hands together whenever one is introduced in the bright colours and flat pages. At nine and a half months, he had furrowed his little face and pronounced; “Gog. Goggy.”. Toji had grabbed the cheap camcorder that he’d been recording as many milestones as possible on and tried to bully Megumi into saying it again, but all of the footage he’d actually gotten was you laughing in the background as Megumi attempted to cross his chubby little arms and look at his father in disapproval. He had not said ‘goggy’ again until you had thoughtlessly picked up a little pair of black and white stuffed dogs whilst in a toy-shop with him to show him. Toji had had to go back to the shop ten minutes before closing to purchase them, and even now Megumi tucks them under his arms when you take him out in his pushchair.

You let yourself, too, be pulled into Toji’s lap as your husband gets comfortable, readjusting your body so he can wrap his arms around you and you can bury your face into his neck.

He smells like cigarettes and your laundry powder, familiar and comforting.

He takes a deep, pleased breath that makes the muscles in his throat ripple – you bring up a hand and trace them, fingertip lodging in the hollow of his throat for a moment before your hand moves down to rest over his clavicle, and then where his heart is beating steadily under his clothes and skin.

“You feelin’ me up, baby?” He asks with a smirk. “Y’can just ask, you know--”

“I’m feeling your heartbeat,” you say to him, listening to his pulse in his neck. “I think it might have stopped. We should look into it.” “Is this because I made that joke about the black market? Babe, you’d never let me fuckin’ sell our kid--” “Don’t swear around Megumi,” you say, automatically, your eyes swivelling to Megumi’s crib without moving your head from its comfortable position. “You’ll give him a dirty mouth.”

“You love my dirty mouth,” Toji purrs, the arm around your waist pulling you in tighter and closer. Heat rushes to your face and you give him a headbutt in the neck that’s half affectionate and half warning.

“Not now,” you say, sighing comfortably. Toji is warm and solid and always there for you. “I’m too comfy.”

“Ah, far be it for me to interrupt your nap-time,” he teases, but he pushes a kiss onto your forehead anyway. “Hell, I could go to sleep here myself. Nobody said havin’ a kid would be this much effort.”

“Everyone said it,” you say, stifling a yawn. “You just didn’t believe them.”

He snorts again.

“Y’got me there,” he says. “Wouldn’t change him for the world, though.”

“You’re just saying that because he takes after you,” you smile against his skin. “If he looked like me and acted like me, if he was sweet and demure--”

This gets another laugh from Toji, who knows exactly just how not sweet and not demure you can be.

“I’d love him even more, probably,” he says. “We’re gonna have some fuckin’ blow-ups in the future, sweetheart. Good job you’ll be around to sort out your men, right?”

The arm not about your waist moves so he can cup your face now, tip your chin up towards him. His eyes are still very sharp, but they’re softened with love as he looks down at you. Toji gives you these moments in the quiet of night – when he’s not formerly-of-the-Zenin-family, when he’s not the ‘Sorcerer Killer’, when he’s not an assassin-for-hire – when he’s just Toji Fushiguro, your husband and father of your child. You treasure every single one of them and hold them close to you like a precious pearl, stringing them onto a necklace of memories you’ll cling to forever.

“I’ll be around forever,” you tell him. “If I die, I’ll come back to haunt you and tell you what a shitty job you’re doing on the PTA.”

He snorts.

“Don’t even joke,” he tells you with a flickering smirk – but that smirk quickly drops away to be replaced with a look of intense solemnity. “You know I love you, don’t you?”

“Are you getting soft on me?” You ask, but the hand tipping your chin up does a little jerk.

“Please,” Toji says, a little softer now. “Let me tell you I love you and mean it.”

Sparks fly all through your stomach, your heart twisting in your ribcage. You rarely see this kind of gravitas on his face – he rarely takes this tone, almost needy as he implores you to listen.

“I love you too,” you breathe. “You know that.”

He pulls you into a kiss that knocks the breath out of you, that makes you feel like you and Toji and Megumi are the only real people on Earth and everyone else is an imitation.

“Yeah,” he says, gruff. “Doesn’t mean I don’t like hearin’ you say it, though.”

#toji x reader #toji fushiguro x reader #toji fluff #toji fushiguro fluff #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk fluff #fem reader #writing #jjk writing #jjk posting #Anonymous

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babyboibucky · 4 years ago

Text

Salt, Sugar and Viruses

Pairing: Office!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: You’ve been secretly making coffee for Bucky at the office.

Word Count: 1,962

Warnings: Two idiots just doing idiot things

A/N: This was done in a haste so I kinda hate it lol but I can’t get this story out of my head and thanks to @bitchassbucky for pushing me to write a full fic of this 🥰 luv u 🥺

MAIN MASTERLIST

"You have a crush on Barnes' grumpy ass?!" Sam choked out.

You angrily hushed him and frantically looked around the pantry to make sure that your secret was still safe. Fortunately, only you, Sam and Nat were inside having your respective afternoon breaks.

"What? He's nice. And cute." you told Sam as you stirred your coffee, smiling to yourself at the thought of your office crush, Bucky.

"How'd you even meet him, he works all the way at the IT department." Sam asked.

Nat snorted recalling the encounters she witnessed for the past few months. Some of which were unintentional but most of them? You had carefully planned out just so you could come up with an excuse to request for Bucky's assistance.

"She might have gotten viruses in her computer once...or twice. Or thrice." Nat teased.

The first time you met Bucky was when most of your files suddenly got corrupted. It was hella embarrassing because you didn't know shit about how computers worked and well, you've been illegally downloading torrents since the office's internet connection was a gift from the internet gods. Without a doubt, your computer was a nest for viruses.

Bucky showed up in your floor that morning and you almost sunk into your seat from shame. You'd heard the IT Department complain about everybody else in the office messing up their computer systems. When you turned around, Bucky greeted you with a charming smile and soft hello. You could still remember how he felt when he stayed behind you as you sat on your chair, bending over to take your mouse in his hand.

God, he smelled so good you almost turned your head to nuzzle your face into his neck.

He was very soft-spoken you realized; Bucky was kind enough to walk you through the process and to be honest, you couldn't recall a damn thing he said. Something about firewalls? And shields? Whatever, you didn't really listen. You just stared at Bucky as he explained everything, solving your problem in less than fifteen minutes.

Since then, your crush for Bucky grew bigger. You'd entered the elevator together a couple of times, shared small conversations that made your heart flutter. When those little moments didn't seem enough, you started your devious plan to fuck up your computer a bit. By the third time Bucky fixed your computer, he was already comfortable enough to tease you for being a "virus magnet".

"Hello? Young lady, come back to earth." Sam snapped his finger right in front of your face, interrupting your thoughts.

You clicked your tongue at him and swatted his hand away. "If you ever tell this to anyone, Wilson. You are dead." you warned, poinitng a finger at him.

Sam rolled his eyes, "It's so unfair how he's kind to you. Last time I requested for his assistance he got all smug and grumpy at me." he complained.

Nat shook her head in amusment, "That's because you've been downloading porn. You know the IT department can access our browser histories, right?"

You choked on your coffe, "WHAT?!"

Nat narrowed her eyes at you, "You been up to no good for you to react like that?"

You faceplamed, "I've been stalking his Facebook account."

Sam chortled, "What are you, in high school? Jesus, calm down. You're gonna be fine. Why don't you just tell him you like him?"

You made a face, "I'm not Nat to have the guts to do that."

Nat hummed, bringing her mug to the sink to wash it. "Why don't you start by making him coffee?"

"I don't know how he likes his coffee."

You received a pointed look from both your friends. You groaned in defeat, "Okay, fine. I know how Bucky likes his coffee."

Nat smirked, "Stalker."

Bucky always arrived in the office half an hour before nine in the morning. This gives him time to settle into his cubicle, buy a sandwich at the stall downstairs and to make himself a cup of coffee. It was his daily routine and upon going back to his desk after buying his breakfast sandwich, Bucky was surprised to see a cup of newly brewed coffee on his desk.

He looked around but there were no signs of anyone. There wasn't even a note of some sort. Carefully, he brought the cup to his face and inhaled its scent. Shrugging, he took a tiny sip.

"How's the little secret admirer doing?" Nat asked, grabbing a chair and sitting down beside you.

You deadpanned, "I've been leaving him his coffee for an entire week now and nothing's happened yet."

Nat frowned, "Are you kidding me? Why would you expect for something to happen when you haven't been leaving any clues?" she said.

"I'm shy, okay?! Maybe I should hide somewhere, check for his reaction. See whether I have a chance." you shrugged.

It was stupid of you to leave the coffee on Bucky's desk. You never stayed to wait for him. You just left it there without a note or anything that would even give him a clue about you and your little crush on him. You knew the reason why, of course. You were afraid of rejection. Sometimes, you'd feel like you have a chance with him since he was always so kind and warm to you. Not to mention, everyone in the office knows him to be grumpy but around you, he was totally the opposite of that.

But then again, maybe he was just nice to you because you were nice to him too.

One morning after leaving Bucky his coffee, you finally decided to leave him a note. You ran back to your cubicle to get a post-it and a pen. Before you could even walk around your desk, you spotted Bucky headed over to the pantry, the cup of coffee in his hand.

"Fuck, okay. Maybe I should just directly ask him out?" you thought to yourself.

You quickly followed Bucky into the pantry and almost whined when you saw that Sam was inside as well. You widened your eyes at him, signalling for him to leave but Sam was preoccupied on observing Bucky who seemed to be in a bad mood.

"Rough morning?" Sam just had to ask as you awkwardly stood by the doorway, finding the right timing to butt in.

Bucky's forehead creased as he let out a huff, "Rough weeks, actually." he answered.

You opened your mouth to say something comforting, wanting to lift Bucky's spirits up but he turned around and glanced at you and then back to Sam.

"Does anyone hate me in this office?" Bucky asked.

You and Sam exchanged looks, both of utter confusion before shaking your heads in unison. "Why'd you ask?" Sam asked.

Bucky lifted the cup of coffee that you made, "Someone's been making me coffee." he stated.

You cleared your throat, "...is it bad?" you asked.

Bucky made a face, "Terrible actually."

Ouch.

"I mean, the first time I saw it I was actually flattered. And then I took a sip and it's just...salty." Bucky said, pouring the coffee into the sink before throwing it into the bin.

Sam's head snapped towards your direction, his face almost red from biting back a laugh. Your face heated up at the realization that you've been putting salt into Bucky's coffee instead of sugar. All this time. You wanted to disappear right then and there. And Sam had to be the one to witness your huge failure.

"I thought it was a mistake since the next day, there was another coffee on my desk. I tried it out and it's still salty. It lasted a week, you guys. And I was dumb enough to keep on tasting it in hopes that it might have been a genuine mistake. But now I'm starting to think that someone hates me that much to fuck my coffee up." Bucky explained, face scrunched up into a mixture of irritation and curiosity.

Sam failed to stifle his laughter and exploded, "Funniest shit I've ever heard." he told Bucky before standing up and making his way to the door where you stood.

Your face was red and if the salt and sugar mishap was already humiliating enough, Sam decided to make things even worse for you.

"You really need to check the labels before pouring shit into his coffee." and with that, Sam gave your shoulder a squeeze before leaving the pantry.

Closing your eyes, you took a deep breath and tried to calm yourself. When you opened them, Bucky was staring at you with an expression you couldn't paint.

"Did you...were you the one leaving me coffee?" he asked.

You secretly pinched yourself in the arm to check whether you were just dreaming. Fuck, you hoped you were having a nightmare but the pain that you felt made it clear that you totally fucked up.

You nodded in embarrassment.

"You hate me that much?" Bucky asked in disbelief, as if he was offended that out of all people, it had to be you.

You quickly shook your head, "No, God no! I just...it's because I..." you stammered, trying to find the courage to spit out the words you've been dying to tell Bucky.

Bucky tilted his head, "Because you...?" he urged.

Your hands balled into fists as you let out another deep breath. Bucky probably hates you right now, but whatever. This was your only chance and to hell, you were going to confess.

"Because I like you?"

You didn't think that Bucky's confused look could even turn more...well, confused. But he was looking at you incredulously as though you've grown a second head, or a third head.

"You like me so you decided to put salt in my coffee?" he asked again.

You honestly didn't know who sounded even more stupid now, you or Bucky. Because if he still didn't understand what was going on, he was dense as fuck.

"No!" you explained. "I wanted to make you a decent cup of coffee but I guess I was too careless and didn't realize that I've been putting in salt instead of sugar." you said.

Bucky didn't say anything after that. He just stared at you, but he didn't seem confused anymore. If any, he looked like he was processing the entire situation.

"You like me." he stated again.

Will your embarrassment ever end?!

"Yes, Bucky. And I messed up my chance and you know what? I'm just going to show myself out and leave you alone." you told him and forced a fake grin before attempting to walk out.

A hand gripped your wrist, pulling you back into the pantry. This time, Bucky was the one who looked embarrassed.

"I might have...done something pretty stupid too." he said, avoiding your gaze as he rubbed the back of his neck.

You eyed him suspiciously, "What do you mean?"

"I uhh...I did something to your computer...the day before you requested for my assistance for the first time." Bucky admitted shyly.

It was your turn to get muddled at Bucky's confession. "But why?" you asked.

Bucky offered a shy smile, "Because I've been seeing you around the building and thought you were cute."

And then everything clicked. It was a light bulb moment for the both of you.

"Oh. Ohhh okay. I see." you said before suddenly breaking into laughter.

Bucky joined you and scratched his head, "I guess we're both idiots." he said, placing his hands inside his pockets as he stared at you.

"This went...way more interesting than I thought." you said with a nod.

There was a pause before you decided to speak up, "So, do you want coffee?"

Bucky beamed at you as he nodded, "As long as you'll use sugar this time."

Everything Bucky Tag List:

@ddowii @jessou893 @stealapizzamyheart @bagelofthelord @mxnt @dontputyourfckingdrinkonmytable @jeeperky @ohladymacbeth @wildflowergubler @supraveng @twinerd14 @buckysmar @bakugouswh0r3 @sweetcoldharmony @wintersfilm @charminivy @amelia-song-pond @iamvalentinaconstanza @mcubqrnes @i’m-squished @tcc-gizmachine @sipsteacasually @tcc-gizmachine @prettyintopeerpressure @weloveyasmin @est19xxshit @bloodhon3yx @dressed-in-prada @lizette50 @thatfangirl42 @sunflowerbunny2 @unmagically @okiegirl24 @sugarpunch-princess

#bbbwrites #oneshots: bucky barnes #bucky barnes #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x reader #bucky x you #sebastian stan #bucky #bucky fic #bucky barnes fic #bucky fluff #bucky barnes fluff

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ivybucky · 4 years ago

Text

dog tags and photographs - s.r. x fem!reader

Request from @moonstuffsteve : OK OK BUT CAN I REQUEST A STEVE FIC WHERE READER IS LIKE WASHING HIS UNIFORM AND FINDS A PICTURE OF HER IN THE SUIT AND GETS ALL HAPPY AND LIKE STEALS HIS DOGTAGS AND STEVE THINKS ITS THE CUTEST THING EVER THANK YOU

a/n: this was adorable and just so domestic so thank you Al! I’ve fallen into a nice little writing routine recently and ive been cranking these requests out like they’re NOTHING. as always, thanks for supporting my writing and fics i put out- i really want this blog to turn into something great, but i need to work on it a little bit more.

Add Yourself to the Taglist

Masterlist

Join the Discord

author: abby<3

words: 1385

cw: mention of stress, rough mission, domesticity, worry

Y/N smiled to herself as she listened to her boyfriend’s snores echoing through the apartment, something he swore he didn’t do. She had half a mind to record it, but the win wasn’t worth the fight.

She picked his uniform off the ground of the bedroom, shaking off whatever dust she could. His undershirt was thrown across the room next to the bed. She gathered it in her arms before looking towards his sleeping face. His hair had stuck to his forehead, sweat and dirt acting as an adhesive. Her nails picked at it, brushing it away from his face, before laying a sweet kiss to his forehead where his brows were drawn up with whatever dream he was having.

It wasn’t uncommon for her to wash Steve’s uniform. While he was definitely a gentleman, who would never make her do his laundry, Y/N took pride in doing this for him whenever he had a rough mission. He could sleep off the stress while you made sure he woke up to a stress and responsibility-free environment.

She huffed, walking towards the washer, making a mental reminder to set his combat boots out to dry the mud he tried to avoid tracking in. How many pockets does a combat suit need? You don’t see Nat with this many pockets. She knew how Steve was, how he had his own knives, and tools scattered between the fabric of his uniform. Opening every pocket was more of a chore than actually doing the washing, but it was part of the process.

Her hands brushed over soft paper, different from the usual metals that she found from extra bullets to blades. No, this was soft, pliable to her working fingers. She tugged the gently folded piece from his chest pocket. Curiosity grabbed a hold of her, urging her to unfold it and inspect it carefully. It was a photo of the two of them, when they had gone out for her birthday in the last month. He had pulled them to the park, stopping by her favorite store, and then taking a stroll. Y/N had convinced him to take pictures with the self timer on her polaroid, leading to him keeping the photo.

She hadn’t expected him to hold to it like this, folded neatly into the pocket of what he wore whenever he was away from her. She smiled, remembering how he had wrapped his arms around her that day, resting his chin at the juncture of her neck. Happy looked good on him.

She set the photo down in the basket she used to keep his things together, reminding herself to ask about it later. The washer rumbled slightly as the heavy fabric sloshed in the water.

“Sweetheart?” He called through the apartment, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“Hi sleepyhead,” she wrapped her arms around his middle. “Did you sleep okay?”

“Yeah, I think so. Where’s my-”

“In the wash, don’t worry about it.”

“Wait,” his back stiffened in panic. “Is it already running?”

“Baby, I said don’t worry I got everything out of the pockets.”

He paused again, cheeks going a little bit redder. “Everything?”

Y/N only smiled knowingly, reaching up to press a smile to his cheek. “Everything. Now what do you want for dinner?”

He smiled sheepishly, following her into the kitchen.

----

A couple of weeks had gone by and all Y/N felt was guilt. While she knew that she was caring enough in her relationship with Steve, she had sort of underestimated her importance to him. Important enough to carry a physical photograph in his uniform.

And while he obviously had held onto something of her while he was away, Y/N had yet to find something to bring her own self any kind of comfort. Most days spent alone while Steve was on a mission were spent trying to stay busy, to keep her mind off worrying. The missions where he couldn’t communicate were the worst. The only thing to keep her feet on the ground was their apartment. The way his scent lingers on the sheets, the small stack of drawing journals in the corner of their room, the record player sitting in the living room. While they were all things uniquely him, they weren’t close enough, needing to hold more meaning.

He was gone now, hundreds of miles away, doing what he did best - be a hero. Y/N’s knee bounced as she sat back on the couch, waiting for her boyfriend to return. He had sent a message hours ago, saying he was on his way back, saying not to wait up. She knew she would stay away as long as she could though, just to see him when he returned.

She tried to relax, wearing one of his large t-shirts and listening to a soft record as she waited. Time, however, was not kind and only continued to move slowly. With a sigh, she decided to do some chores, any chores that were left, to pass the time. That is when she saw them.

While Steve had amazing leadership skills, he was, in reality, quite forgetful when he wasn’t focused on doing his patriotic deeds. That’s why when Y/N moved to the bathroom to change out the towels and saw Steve’s dog tags on the counter, she paused. Thin metal was smooth through fingers, save for the imprints of his name and service numbers that her thumb ran over gently.

It was bittersweet, honestly - holding the thing that began Steve’s entire career, and not having him there to bring any kind of comfort. She pushed away whatever sadness remained, clutching the chain to her chest as she walked back to the living room. Without thinking too much about it, she slipped the necklace over her head, letting the tags hang just under her sternum.

Suddenly, she had something. Something with much more meaning than a scent, something tangible, something close enough. Her worried adrenaline left her body, and as she settled into the couch, she was able to fall asleep with ease for the first time since he had left.

Steve was almost worried when he entered the quiet apartment. His return was usually met with some kind of fanfare - a tight hug around his neck, a body scan for any injuries, an interrogation of his mental well-being. Tonight though, the apartment remained quiet as he shuffled through the threshold of the front door. His eyes swept over what he could see, finding nothing too out of place. Of course she cleaned. His ears, those genetically modified ears, however, picking up the slight snore, something she swore she didn’t do, of her sleeping form.

His feet carried him to the living room where she laid against the cushions, wrapped in his shirt, clutching his military tags in her hand. His shoulders dropped as he took in the sight, a new kind of relief hitting his body.

He crouched down, a dirty hand gently brushing the hair away from her forehead. “Y/N?”

“Mmm?” she mumbled, brows scrunching at the vibration of his voice. “Steve? You’re home.”

“Yeah, baby,” he smiled. “Want me to carry you to bed?”

Y/N rubbed her eyes as she nodded, tags falling from her fingers. He swept her up in his arms, thanking a god he had strength in his body. Her head rested against his chest, hand trailing over his heart. His mouth pressed a kiss to her forehead, adoring the sight before him.

“You wearing my tags?” he asked softly, not wanting to disturb whatever peace she still held onto.

“‘M sorry. Was missing you.”

“Shh, baby, don’t apologize.” He set her body down in the bed, pulling the sheets up over body. “You look better in them than I do.”

He left her to take a shower, but not before she called out for him, grabby hands sent in his direction. “Steve?”

“I’m coming right back, I just gotta wash off. I’m covered in sweat.”

“Don’t care. C’mere.”

He chuckled, slipping out of his uniform and saddling up next to her under the sheets. He kissed her head again, whispering words of love and comfort as she fell back into her slumber.

He had never been happier to fall asleep in his life.

forever tags: @avengers-do-it-better @maisondumepris @hamiltonwrite12

steve and bucky tags: @fab-notfat @mcueveryday @nanners-the-great @mcubuckyandsteve @captainfile @moonstuffsteve

steve only tags: @patzammit

#steve rogers x reader #captain america x reader #steve rogers x fem!reader #captain america x fem!reader #nomad steve?#i just like to look at him #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers fic #steve rogers request #captain america fluff #captain america fic #captain america request #marvel #captain america #steve rogers #chris evans

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theoreticslut · 5 years ago

Text

"Why do they hate me so much?”

pairing: fred weasley x reader x george weasley (*might change)

requested: no

word count: 3k

warnings: mentions of cheating, SFW

A/N: i’m attempting an enemies to lovers kind of story, but i’m not sure if it’ll really come across as that. if you haven’t noticed i kinda just write and whatever comes out, comes out. As i mentioned above the pairing of the story might change as I’m still working on it. right now its heading in the direction of both the twins, but that’s not how i originally wanted it to go, so we’ll see. I hope you guys like what I have so far, I do want to make this into a small series so if you have any comments and/or suggestions please let me know - i would love hearing your thoughts! Xx

Taglist: @justmesadgirl @xuckduck @yikesyikesyikes95 @filipi-yes @aestheticwh0r3 @siredkai @matsuno-nadeshiko @msmarklee1213 @immajustreadwritereblog

^ let me know if you’d like to be added/removed!

“You pig-headed prats!” You holler, huffing as the infamous weasley twins ‘successfully’ pull off another prank, you as their target yet again.

“Oi, sweetheart. That’s a bit harsh for such a pretty lady.” Fred smirks.

“Shove off, weasley.” You hiss as you push through the two who were standing in front of you.

If you spent another minute near them you feared you’d find yourself in detention for a month. The two redheads had a way of thoroughly getting under your skin.

You’re not entirely sure what you’d done to them, but for the better part of two years now you had been the butt of many of their pranks. You’ve had everything from an itching charm put on your robes to mini fireworks exploding out of your books to the most recent of having your wand tampered with to cover you in slime instead of whatever spell you were trying to cast.

Besides that, the two had been beyond irritating to talk to. You could always find them laughing and joking with others, but they seemed much kinder than they were to you. That’s not to say that they were rude or mean to you in anyway, but their jokes and smart replies were definitely not what you needed after having been pranked.

“Y/n! Ohhh, what happened?” Your friend hermione called as you entered the common room, immediately sensing how pissed you were.

“The twins happened.” You grumble, gritting your teeth.

“I don’t know why they keep pranking you! I’ve talked them multiple times about it and I thought they had finally gotten it through their heads that it wasn’t funny.”

“Don’t worry about it, hermione. I think they were just born bloody annoying. It’s what they do and they know they’re good at it, so why stop? It’s not like we plan to be friends or anything any time soon anyway.” You huff, making your way up to your dorm.

“I know, y/n. I know. Just....let me talk to them again. I’ll make sure they stop. It’s not fair to you. Even harry and Ron get annoyed at them for it.”

“You don’t have to do that, ‘mione. I’ll just...start ignoring them, maybe that’ll get them to stop. They’re not worth my time of day anyway.”

“Alright, y/n. Well, let’s get you cleaned up. You are going to need help getting this out of your hair.”

~.~

“You two need to stop this prank thing against y/n. I’ve told you over and over, it’s not funny anymore. Do you know that it took at least five washings to get that slime out of her hair? Five!”

“Oh stop harping us, hermione. It’s not like we’re hurting her any.” Fred says, dismissing her disapproval.

“You’re not hurting her, but you’re certainly annoying all of us.” Ron says through a mouthful of breakfast.

“Why should we stop? It’s fun and honestly pretty great to get a rise out of her.” George smiles.

“Don’t you think she wonders why she’s being targeted? She is our friend, too, and you hardly prank any of us. Don’t you think she might feel a bit frustrated? Don’t you think she wonders why you two have such a vendetta against her?” Hermione pushes, becoming annoyed herself with them.

“We’ll bring it in a bit, but we’re not stopping. She’s just too easy to prank.” Fred finally offers.

“I wish you would stop completely. It’s honestly not fair to her in the slightest.” Hermione sighs, giving up for the time being.

The twins are stubborn and she knows she better take what they give her for now before they revoke their compromise to bring it back completely.

~.~

You groan to yourself as you listen to Professor Binns drone on about history. This was by far your least favourite class, even more so when you’ve had the week you’ve had.

It started monday when you woke up to a surprise visit from Aunt Flo to which you were very unprepared for. You had been meaning to get some more pads and tampons but had been so busy it had left your mind. Not only did it inconveniently arrive, it was also being a major witch this month. As soon as it hit you felt you were going to be sick. The amount of nausea you felt on top of how crampy and achy you were. You honestly felt like you had been run over by the hogwarts express.

Tuesday you had been surprised by a last minute exam that Snape decided to give out. Normally that wouldn’t be a problem, except this really was not your week and hadn’t been able to remember the potions you were being quizzed on. You had just barely passed when you normally received the higher marks that snape rarely gave out.

Wednesday you had just had a very rough day. Everything you had tried to do backfired and you ended up creating more hassle for the professors and your friends than would normally be expected. You spent the day just feeling completely useless, which continued into thursday.

Then, so far today, you woke up late and forgot your tie which earned a deduction of house points. You had spilled a bunch of ingredients in potions which earned even more deducted house points and complete embarrassment. You felt completely disgusting today even though you’ve showered and still looked put together. And most recently, just after lunch you had found your boyfriend has been cheating on you.

To put it lightly, this was just a really bad day at the end of a very rough week. The only thing you’ve been able to be grateful for is that the twins have seemingly stopped pranking you.

They still made smart remarks that you were trying your best to ignore, but for the time being you haven’t found yourself in the middle of one of their pranks.

You’re not sure why, but at least you haven’t had to deal with them on top of everything else this week.

You had managed to get all the way through to dinner where you sat very tiredly. Hermione knew you’ve been having a rough week as you were roommates, but she wasn’t sure what exactly had been happening. You hadn’t been wanting to talk about it. Harry and Ron, however, could tell you were in no mood for anything else even without knowing you’ve had a rough week.

Unfortunately, the twins did not get the memo that this was not your best week and had decided today was the day they’d prank you after leaving you alone for a couple weeks.

they had been planning out how to do so for a few days now and were proud of what they had come with. therefore, It came as quite a surprise to the both of them when you broke out crying after setting a smoke bomb to go off when you lifted your fork.

The food had just been revealed to start dinner when you picked up your fork to grab a piece of ham from the platter in front of you.

Before you could realize what happened, the smoke bomb went off, completely covering you in soot and catching the attention of many of the students in the great hall.

Without being able to hold it in, you had started crying as Fred and George were laughing.

“What have I ever done to you? I’ve tried being nice and it always blows up in my face, quite literally right now.” You sigh, choking on your tears as you stand up from the table to leave.

Fred and George stop laughing when they hear you, their smiles dropping when they realize you had been crying. They watch as you hurry off, hoping to Merlin this encounter wasn’t being listened to and watched by everyone.

“Look what you two have done now! I told you to knock it off with all these pranks. You can’t ever listen though, can you Fred. George.” Hermione states, fuming at the red-headed twins as she gets up and follows after you.

“Oh bloody hell.” They both sigh in unison, slumping into the table.

“Bloody hell is right.” Ron says. “You really don’t want Hermione mad at you.”

“We’re not worried about hermione, mate.” Fred says, keeping his eyes on the door that y/n had left through.

“We just wanted to get her to smile.” George sighs sadly.

~.~

“Y/n!” Hermione calls as she catches up with you in the hall back to the common room.

“Please go, hermione.” You sniffle, wiping at your eyes.

“I’m not leaving my best friend out here crying all alone.” She huffs, crossing her arms as she looks at you.

“I know you had a bad week, but what’s happened? It must’ve been real bad if you break out crying like this, y/n.” She says after a minute or two.

“I’m just so tired, ‘mione.” You cry, shrinking into yourself in front of her.

you felt pathetic yet you couldn’t bring yourself to stop crying. you had been hiding it away all week and you just couldn’t do it anymore.

“Tell me what’s happened.” She urges, pulling you into a hug, her heart breaking for you. she cared for her friends more than anything, but it really broke her seeing you so upset. you were usually such a literal ray of sunshine to everyone around you, that it was painful to see you carrying so much pain.

“I’m so tired and achy and nauseous. All because I’m a bloody woman. I’ve been so unfocused that I’ve lost us so many house points. Well, more than I ever have,” you sob as hermione leads you over to a bench by the window.

“I practically failed that exam snape gave us this week and I made such a mess of his ingredients. He was so furious, hermione.” you whisper, your terrified eyes meeting hers as you recall the way he fumed over your mishap.

“I was so embarrassed. I’ve never done that terribly in his class.” you mumble.

“I’ve been nothing but a hassle to everyone around me this week and I just - I feel so bloody disgusting. It’s honestly no surprise I found my boyfriend cheating on me.” You sigh, crying more.

“He did what?!” Hermione gasped, sighing as you cry harder.

“He’s been cheating on me, ‘mione. For like two months at least! I feel so dumb and used. I really liked him, ‘mione, and he just....he just used me!”

“Take a breath, y/n. We don’t need you getting sick.” hermione urges, noticing how you’re choking for air through your sobs.

“A-and now I’m covered in soot all because the twins have something against me. I don’t know what I could have done! Why do they hate me so much?” You cry.

Fred and George frown as they hear you recount your week, having left dinner to come after you and apologize. They truly had no idea. If they did they wouldn’t have set up that smoke bomb.

“We really messed up, Fred.” George sighs, not being able to take his eyes off you as you cry in hermione’s arms.

“Yeah, we have. Come on, let’s go apologize and try to fix this.”

They make their way over to you and hermione who shoots daggers at them.

“Y/n, we’re sorry. We-“

“Would you two get out of here? You’re some of the last people she wants to see right now.” Hermione states, knowing that the twins are beyond sorry and just want to make sure you’re all right, but taking your emotional needs as her priority.

she knew that they had a bit of a crush on you even though they had never said a thing on the topic. it wasn’t hard to miss, however, when she noticed how often they’d stare at you from across the room, smiling dumbly to themselves and zoning out. it was quite adorable, actually, but she did wonder how they ever thought pranking you was the way to your heart.

“We didn’t know you’ve had such a bad week.” Fred sighs, ignoring hermione.

You start crying harder at the mention of your week. You just wanted it to end. you wanted to curl up in your bed, tucked tightly into the blankets and listen to some comforting sad songs while you cry.

“Fred, George, go back to dinner. I’m taking y/n to our room. She needs to be left alone for awhile.” hermione orders, helping you to stand even though you don’t want to. all your energy has been drained from your body so even lifting an arm to wipe at your tears felt like it was the most difficult task in the world.

The twins sigh, but nod, knowing it’s the truth. Having them around wouldn’t help anything, but they felt so guilty. they just wanted you to understand that they don’t hate you, but rather the complete opposite.

They had never wanted to upset you when they started pranking you. In fact they both saw you as a friend and had a bit of a crush on you that they couldn’t understand. Sure you were beautiful, beyond kind, and a little bit of a fireball, but you were just a girl. neither of them were quite sure when they had started feeling and thinking it, but even though they tried to tell themselves that you were, they knew deep down you weren’t just some girl.

They really aren’t the greatest with their feelings though, especially when their beyond confused with them, and decided pranking you was the best way to show that they liked you. They never prank you to be mean, they just want to make you laugh and see you smile.

~.~

Hermione had gotten you into bed after having you shower and change into some comfy clothes.

She had left to go get herself some dinner and promised she’d be back soon to see how you were holding up.

You had told her not to worry about bringing anything back for you. Instead you were just going to curl up and go to sleep.

You heard a knock on your door and sighed. You didn’t really want to talk to anyone, even hermione. You hummed out however to notify the person on the other side of the door that you were listening.

You hear your door creak open a bit and hear some footsteps enter.

“Y/n? Uh, Fred and I brought you some dinner. Hermione said you didn’t want anything, but you can’t just not eat.” You hear George say, cautiously stepping over to your bed. his voice was filled with concern which you thought odd, but couldn’t care enough to think about too long.

You hear Fred shut the door but you don’t bother looking at either of them. You’re far too numb to care at this moment.

“Y/n?” George asks after not getting a response. he didn’t think you were sleeping, but he wasn’t sure.

“Thanks. Just, set it on my trunk. Or my night table. I’m not really hungry right now.” You mumble, still not bothering to look at either of them.

“H-how are you holding up?” Fred asks, fidgeting in his place.

“Why do you care? You’ve never cared before. Either of you.”

Both the twins sigh, looking at the other with guilt written all over their faces. they’re well aware how they come across to you, but it was truly a complete misunderstanding.

“We know we made you the target of our pranks more often than not, but we weren’t trying to be mean. We just, we really wanted to make you smile. Make you laugh.” Fred sighs.

“Did quite a job at it, huh?” You ask, still staring straight ahead. You don’t have the energy to turn to look at them. And truthfully, you didn’t really want to.

“We-we’re sorry. We had no idea how bad of a week you’ve had. We, uh, we heard you tell hermione everything.” George states, rubbing the back of his neck.

“It doesn’t matter that it was this week.” you deadpan, “It’s the fact that I’ve never once enjoyed your pranks on me. It was pretty obvious, so why would you continue?” You ask, getting a bit irritated at the two twins.

“Well, uh. I-I don’t know. We’re dumb.” Fred answers.

“No, you’re not. You both are so brilliant that I’ve been jealous of you at times, but you just don’t care about school. You’d rather use all your brilliance on tormenting poor classmates or make a girl cry than apply yourselves to classes.”

You knew you weren’t being fair, but you were fed up with everything. You wanted to be left alone. you couldn’t handle socializing, much less able to handle these two trying to make up for what they’d done for years only after you broke down crying.

“No, we never wanted to make you cry. Merlin we feel so guilty that we did.” Fred tries to argue, but is promptly cut off.

“So you really don’t care, do you? You’re just trying to make yourselves feel better.” You say, finally looking over at them, a fire blazing behind your eyes. Both of them look like deer caught in headlights, not sure whether to stay put or run and in which direction if they did.

You watch as Fred gulps nervously as George opens and closes his mouth trying to find the words to not make things worse.

Even though they can’t meet your eyes, mainly because they’re scared of the anger within them, they notice just how awful you look. Not in the sense that you’re unattractive, because Merlin even now you were gorgeous, but awful in the sense of how absolutely heartbroken you look. It truly looks like your soul has been ripped from your body and your heart crushed to pieces.

Your eyes are bloodshot and puffy, your nose red from blowing it into the rough tissues on your bedside table, tear tracks etched into your cheeks almost looking like spilled ink that had run across a piece of parchment.

They can see how tired you are, and how much sadness you’re still holding in. They wish more than anything that they could comfort you, but you were making it very clear that you didn’t want them here.

“Can you please just go? I don’t really feel like keeping company.” You sigh, turning back away from them.

They both nod, even though you can’t see them. Turning to walk away, they stop to look over your form once again. They’ve never seen you so heartbroken and it scared them. You had been a light in their lives, happiness radiating from inside you constantly spreading warm that reached deep into their souls. it hurt seeing that light extinguished.

“We’re really sorry, y/n. For everything.” George sighs, him and fred leaving you to yourself.

#harry potter #harry potter fluff #harry potter imagine #harry potter fanfiction #hogwarts #hogwarts imagine #fred weasley #george weasley #fred and george weasley #fred weasley imagine #george wealsey imagine #weasley twins #fred and george weasley x reader #fred weasley x reader #george weasley x reader #enemies to friends to lovers #enemies to lovers #series??

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prof-peach · 4 years ago

Note

Out of all of the pokemon you have taken care of, which one do you think it was the hardest to deal with? Be cuz they were in a pretty bad shape, or just personality wise?

We get rumbunctious and rowdy Pokemon all the time, our works nature brings them to us probably more than any other issue, outside of grass Pokemon care and management. Anger and nervousness is something we have a good hold of here, and try to help iron out of various species. I do a lot of that work, and on occasion, Grey will do the odd water type with these problems, as I tend to shy away from those. For the most part, they are short stint stays, a couple months, to a couple years helping them to rewire their anger into a more productive feeling or energy. That being said, there’s alwasy the odd Pokemon who comes our way who’s just a step above the rest. So here’s some stories of the ones who have had to stay with us, for their temperament and behaviour.

On the north side of the island, we house the biggest, meanest Pokemon, and the individuals who are very timid and nervous around people. We do this to ensure they have space to live undisturbed in peace, but also to protect guests and visitors from being eaten, crushed, blasted, or otherwise harmed. Some of the northern residents are difficult yes, but most are just stroppy or uncomfortable with the majority of humans, but there are a handful that are actively engaged in harming or hunting people.

One such Pokemon is a rather nasty tempered Drampa, he came to us about five or so years ago now, kindly donated by being abandoned on our shores, it’s original trainer leaving the ball and hopping on a boat without alerting us, or letting the individual know. We figured it would be possible to rehome it, they’re usually a rather reasonable Pokemon to handle, considering their typing. We were wrong. This Pokemon when let out of the ball, went on a monsterous rampage for four days, destroying forests, toppling buildings, blasting holes in the mountain to try to burrow away, and picking fights with anything it’s size or bigger, often causing great harm to others. The island didn’t rest for that entire time, most Pokemon cowering from it, bigger species trying to halt them, all in vain. It took an entire troop of grass Pokemon using sleep powder to knock it out, the Drampa moved about so fast, one single grass type didn’t stand a chance to produce enough spores in time. It took a lot of work but we knocked the old boy out, and got a good look at him. His body was riddled with arthritis, not medicated, he would thrash about and cause himself so much pain and discomfort. He had overgrown nails, the feet hidden in the fur they have around their torso, often overlooked, and it’s ability to fly was limited because of its general condition and state. We began helping it, medicating it’s aislments, aiding it’s inflamed joints, but it never really calmed down, so now it chills out alone on the coast of the north side, left well alone, it doesn’t even like the company of other Pokemon.

We’ve done our best to interact with it, to socialise it, to generally get it use to people enough to do medical checks, but it’s still very resistant. We have decided that after two years of hard work, and it being tolerant to me, at least to check it’s health and wellbeing, that it’s best to let it live it’s life unbothered. Many would push a Pokemon to be a perfect social being, but we don’t believe it’s necessary for happiness. Some species are happy to be away from others, I wouldn’t push a human to be social, I know how awful that can be, so we didn’t force the individual to be around others either. It’s not that it’s unhappy, we spot it from time to time sitting on the rocks by the ocean, humming to itself, and the small pidgey and tailow that come by don’t bother it, and even give mild brief conversation. He seems ok, the medicine given means he’s in less pain, despite still having stiffness, and in the winter we’ve built him a unique space, rocky cover much like a cave, just above a Macargo hide where they lay eggs. The heat from those Pokemon keep its cave very hot, and help in the cold to ease the joint aches. The two species have different entrances, making sure they never meet within the hide at any point. There’s a good slab of rock dividing them, so it’s not an issue, and saves us having to pipe hot water over that far for him. He eats well, has a few items he’s kept from the labs, a toy sentret, and a large red ball, and generally is in a good place to live out his life in peace now.

Another difficult member would be a particularly timid Slazzle, gifted to us by a police member who had confiscated it from a rather mean individual close to her home town, they had been hurting the poor Pokemon, forcing it to produce an insane amount of poison liquid, throwing water on the poor thing every time it tried to ignite to retaliate, generally abusing the poor thing for its life, apparently it had been locked away since it was a young unevolved Pokemon. They’d been harvesting the poisons from the Slazzle and dropping it into various water sources to try to control the local Pokemon population, as they blamed the wild ones for the state of their land, and diminished crops yield from their allotment. Jokes on them, that water poisoning affected them too, and their garden died very quickly, and made the man quite sick through consumption of the crops he grew there. The slazzle is still very skittish, will hide at any given moment, we’ve seen her ignite an entire building in one move, and then bolt away through the flames to lose our line of sight. She managed to stay hidden for two weeks on the island, before we caught sight of her again. Generally she’s just a case fo neglect but we have been working with her now for a long while, 3 ish years, and her temperament is at least manageable amongst our staff. We have found her others of her kind to help her settle, and she’s become good friends with a Wartortle who came from the same area, they bond over memories of the place, and seem very happy in each others company.

We’ve found ways to keep her grounded, but she never goes near people when we have open days, slinks off through the big fence to the north side, and waits out the visiting hours until night. They’re not usually nocturnal but she likes the night, and spends her time looking about, foraging and feeding in the later hours. If you’re quiet you can catch her moving around the forests and the base of the mountains here, talking with the occasional individual, she seems to enjoy Murkrow too, their company seems to keep her quite social, as they usually move in large flocks here. She may never be rehomed, but for now we try to socialise her, we don’t battle her, and she has a very calm and peaceful nook to go to when she’s having a rough time. We make sure to provide support where possible, and though she’s a little skittish she’s somewhat happy to have myself and Grey, even Pari take a look at any wounds or scrapes she may gain while living here. She’s become trusting enough to come to us if we call, and who knows, maybe someone will come our way who she takes an interest in. There’s hope for her yet, we have however become quite fond of her, and she’s part of the furniture now. It may end up that she never leaves, and lives her life in peace here, surrounded by people and Pokemon who love her. Her panic makes her very difficult to pass to another trainer, and she’s prone to spitting up huge quantities of toxic liquid when spooked, and bolts at a slight bang or rumble.

One I have kept back for a number of reasons, is a rather mean tempered Aerodactyl. Normally we get Pokemon sent to us, but this one I ended up finding myself, some circus had her chained up in a box hardly big enough to turn around in, an attraction to the masses as they travelled through the area. The leader of that troop was particularly awful, treating Pokemon as commodities, items to be bought and sold, used as toys in his big performances. Boiled my blood. We called her Zeplin, and after 12 years she has still got a nasty temper on her, when not focused on a task. Her condition when we first found her was quite something, tattered wings, unable to fly straight at all, and she was littered with cuts and bruises, not in good health. Val has melted the chains that bound her, and the lock in her cage, and she just went, like a bat out of hell, flew off, blasting the tent that hid her quarters, burning a lot of the circus as she went. Little did I know, my foot was in one of the chain links, and I got dragged off with her, the ground, Val, all my other team mates, falling from my pocket, or being left on the floor where we had once been standing. She flew, and kept going, not aware I was still attached, you could see her wings were having a hard time catching the breeze, littered with holes and tears, she went for about two hours, I nearly froze that high up, trying to get a good grip on what chain was left so I didn’t come falling from that height. We came to a very sudden crash landing, she hadn’t had much chance to practice the whole take off - land thing from the feel of it, we both ate dirt, and she became very aware that I was there all of a sudden.

I had about three seconds while she assessed my presence, to get out of the chain, and dive behind a rock that gave me cover from an almighty blast of energy, chipping away bits, catching my arm a little. Trust me when I say, it’s terrifying coming face to face with something that stands a fair few meters taller than you, with more teeth and claws than you’re comfortable with dealing with, with none of your Pokemon, no weaponry, no real plan or cover other than a rock. How she didn’t eat me, I don’t know. Perhaps she knew it was me that let her go, maybe she just ran out of energy, but for whatever reason, she made a few bits and tail lashes at me, missed the lot, and gave up, turning to stomp off into the forests around us. She was still shackled with heavy irons, one on the neck, two on the legs, and was in serious condition, so I did the stupid thing and followed her, tried to sneak my way behind, though every now and then she would look towards me, and try to focus on my form in the dark of night now. It was a few days, she had stalked some prey, fed, and was starting to ooze from some wounds. Though the circus was unkind, they were providing her with medication that stopped further infections occurring, perhaps a scarred beast of great size drew more punters, maybe they were just making sure she survived to make them money, I still don’t know.

I hunted herbs, dug out roots with rocks, used river water, and common berries and managed to fashion some kind of salve, nothing amazing, especially back at that age, but it would work, I knew it would because I used it on my own wounds first. Just had to convince her it was a good thing to let me get close. Not an easy task. We physically brawled, she was clearly spent, not able to use any attacks, just thrashing about, I managed to trip her with the chains still attached to her legs, and once downed, you can jump on the head of these Pokemon to keep the jaws shut, just long enough to lather the wounds you can reach, then bolt fast. It was a small act, but she took off running again. With some wounds sort of cared for, I followed again, fishing for dinner, forraging roots to chew on. It wasn’t much but it kept me going, then one night, where I had climbed to a crook of a large tree, using my jacket to tie myself in for a nights sleep, I was awoken by loud rustling, thudding of feet, and a mighty huff.

Below where I sat, the Pokemon had returned, being no doubt well aware of my presence, following the smell of human, she had noticed the salve do a good job on the wounds I managed to reach, but the ones I couldn’t get near had become far worse, red, inflamed and weeping terribly, no doubt hurting and itching. I’d seen her rubbing her sides in the day, itching gasinst rocks and trees, smearing blood and ooze along her path as she trudged. So here we were, alone in the woods, I veeeeery carefully climbed down, staying in cover as much as possible, and over the space of an hour or two, she let me come out into the open, teeth bared yeah, but she hadn’t attacked, and other than a very uncomfortable, low growl, she allowed me to creep closer, some more of that salve made more for my own wounds than hers, being sniffed at, she licked it too, but wasn’t happy with the taste, very bitter, and I was cautiously optimistic, allowed to help her heal the rest of the cuts she had acquired from her old home. So we began our....I want to say friendship but that wasn’t it, it was a collaboration to survive.

We had landed somewhere far from others, I missed my team, and she had never experienced anything outside of the cage, and so we banded together, tentatively. We caught dinner as a team, and climbed for fruits, foraged for berries, reapplying what loose form of medicine I managed to make, before coming to some kind of comfortable companionship together. A week passed, wandering without a clue where we were, before a path was found, she seemed to want to avoid it, and while I wasn’t keen on people much either, it was impossible not to want to find my team again. They needed me, and I needed them. If they had been found, a police officer or the likes may have sent them to my original professor, waiting to be called from the PC system again, but knowing Val, she had grabbed the balls, my things, and bolted to hide, waiting for my return. In desperation I tried to explain this to the Aerodactyl, who had not experienced a trainers care before, and seemed reluctant to return.

It was only upon mentioning revenge, to burn the circus to the ground, that I regained her attention, and we came to a slow agreement to get aid, gather items, and return to where she had been released from. She waited in the forest while I went to town, checking my PC space to see if my team had been handed in, which they had! It was lucky, I was reunited with Val (vulpix), Booker (teddiursa), and Potato (bulbasaur) who I took back, and returned to the woods with.

We had to get some revenge, and in turn we devised a plan to free the Pokemon first, sneak in and pick the locks, melt the chains and gates, and then finally, let the aerodactyl do her thing once the vulnerable individuals were loose. I did my best to hold back my own personal rage, and simply aid the demise of a group who were awful towards Pokemon through this one big flying type. I wint go into details but no one perished in the fire, they were arrested and charged for unsafe work conditions, and abuse towards Pokemon, not to mention false advertising, having no worker’s Compensation in pace for injury, which many staff complained of, and several incidents of sexual harassment in the work place that were brought to light.

Once one started to talk, the others all joined in, and the fire was put down to unsafe working conditions and a lack of health and safety. From what I heard, the whole circus worth of Pokemon were rehomed, helped and generally lived much better lives after that. However now we had one very mistrusting angry Aerodactyl on our hands, a Pokemon I had not worked with before, who had seemingly become quite tolerant of me, but would snap at just about anyone who clocked eyes with her. So I kind of just kept her, no ball, not for a fair few years, we both didn’t think it was important. She was nursed back to health, and we had to go through a lot of training together, she bit booker once quite badly, but we’ve all put that in the past, and have worked on it together.

She is still testing, she won’t be ridden by anyone else, she doesn’t care for other Pokemon much, crowds will spook her, she doesn’t like when people talk with raised voices or hostile tones, and gets real irritable if you come at her in any kind of way that isn’t open handed, calm and slowly. She’s now a very capable flier, wings healed up, spending her first half of life locked up made her long for the open sky, so now we take time together to go off and ride winds when work is slow, and she’s helped in many ways to make the island functional, by moving logs, clearing paths, helping lift building materials around, and generally being there for me when I’m full of rage, which is actually annoyingly often. We’re anger buddies hah, kind of get on the same level with it. She’s become so much part of my family, and I feel like i’m part of hers now too, so I doubt she’d be rehomed, but should she find somewhere she would rather be, we wouldn’t stop her going. She is difficult, angry, snappy, tempermental, difficult, won’t be touched by strangers, likes to fight, but I’d not change her, she’s our testing monster, who we love and adore.

Went off a bit, but I figured why not, I know her, and can write more about her life and story than the others.

#pokemon #prof.peach #peach talks #long post

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