#IVE BEEN STARING AT THIS PIECE FOR AGES AND IM NOT TIRED

[dragon-queen21]

oh my god am i .. HERE ??? GIVING AN ASK WHAT!!!!!!

so sorry for disappearing, so much of my life is changing right now, and im no longer as hyperfixated on one piece as i used to be but i was scrolling through the fandom agere tag just now and saw a little bakugo post and i RAN here because i had ideas

anyways hi little bakugo LET ME SPEAK !!!!!! as i was saying, baby bakugo, yes. i love him

hes a regressor that for the longest time has no idea hes regressing. he doesnt know what age regression is, he doesnt know he experiences it either, he just know sometimes hes calmer, smaller, and alone. it doesnt happen often at first, maybe after he can relax after a particularly hard test, or an argument with his parents that got a little too serious. but after his encounter with the sludge villian hes regressing at least once a week.

he deals with this weird kinda perma-regression sometimes. i dont know a better title but there will be times that he will be some form of regressed constantly ranging from a few weeks to a few months until he can fully settle into an adult headspace again. he doesnt know what hes doing— can barely register he is that funny kind of perma regressed. its harder for him to understand things, hes more emotional (not that he’d ever admit it), craves comfort, and is much less angry than usual.

the class figures out somethings up when during a “class bonding” night bakugo gets through an entire conversation with izuku without raising his voice for any reason. theyre even more confused when during this conversation izuku moves his seat closer to bakugo and the guy doesnt say a word about it. the night ends with bakugo wrapped up in a blanket doing everything but laying on the couch and is staying as silent as a mouse.

the class chalks this up to bakugo missing his strict 8 o’clock bedtime.

i feel like he probably finds out that hes at the very least not in his normal headspace because of kirishima. kirishima catches everything up with bakugo, bakugos mental health can NOT hide from this guy😭😭😭 its manly to care about your friends, after all.

^ but maybe they and the bakusquad are all chilling in kiris room and he regresses younger than he usually does so much so he unknowingly shoves his pointer finger in his mouth to chew on, they all catch this very quickly but they dare not say nothing.

kirishima does not have that issue. maybe a little “Why are you doing that, man? Get your fingers out of your mouth thats not good for you, you can get really sick, bro. :(“ as he slowly and gently guides his finger out of his mouth, maybe bakugo looks at him with the saddest and most confused pair of eyes kiris ever seen out of him letting out a little “What:( why?” in a pitch higher than normal. and they all kind of just stare at eachother for a moment before bakugos face turns read from recognition and embarrassment as he quickly gets the hell out of there. and that very moment is the one he realizes he is not, and has not been in a adult headspace for a while.

okay all done! i hope i got my point across, i am SO TIRED but what else is new, i hope your doing well and taking care of youself !!! YIPPEEEE

📷

off topic but its been so long since ive sent in an ask the camera emoji isnt in my recent emojis anymore :( i must amend this

Hi hi! I’ve missed seeing you around! I’m sorry to hear that so much in your life is changing though I pray it’s for the better.

~Honestly same with One Piece. I’m currently growing obsessed with Star Trek and actually getting back into mha (and still demon slayer that series has taken over my brain.)

~Also in writing this I hate the tumblr update because I write in my notes app and every time I switched to it Tumblr sent me back out of my inbox and to my home page like what the heck?! Anyways

~(Stands back and gives you the stage) speak away my friend :3

~Okay the perma regressed part you literally described me so allow me to now project

~A big thing that has stopped Bakugou from figuring out that what regression is, is the fact that he spends so much time never feeling that same floaty soft feeling again that he swears each time he must have been making it up.

~So like nearly perma regressed for weeks at a time, to then nothing. And no one points out anything to him as being strange, so clearly he is just over tired and imagining things

“the class chalks this up to bakugo missing his strict 8 o’clock bedtime.”

<- you know what fair assumption and that’s probably like 95% of the reason he slipped in the first place

~Ahhhh wait that’s so cute with Kiri!!! Gosh this feels like one of those things where the whole class knows except for Bakugo.

~Like they look into regression and do a bunch of research and assume that Bakugo must’ve trusted them enough already with this part of him to regress around them.

~Meanwhile, Bakugo has no idea what’s happening very confused especially the times he already feels floaty and the soft way his friends are talking to him is not helping. (I have a soft spot for regressors in denial can you tell)

Giving you a big hug (if you want one) and a friendly reminder to take it easy, get a treat for yourself and rest.

I’m doing alright. Life is hard but when is it not.

I hope to see you around more + I would love to hear your opinion on the league of villains as they have particularly taken over my mind /lh

[pandoramyst]

what wasn’t there before III ✩ Jake sully

contents. g!reader, dbf!jake, cute names, fluff, adult behavior, age gap

summary. Jake was your father’s best friend but to him, he was like his brother. When you entered puberty, you started to feel foreign feelings about him that certainly, you shouldn’t have been having. When you got a bit older, you grew closer to him and you noticed that he acted the same way toward you.

notes. motivation quite low right now :/ Tsu’tey is alive here :> not proofread :< I know said I was gonna post this on friday but ive been tired as hell, im srry bebes :(

Your loincloth hit your thighs as you leaped over the log that had fallen on the dirty ground. Behind you, Jake was walking next to your dad who had an arm wrapped around your mother’s shoulder. You had taken initiative and led the pack to the ceremony, making sure to be far enough ahead where you could avoid Jake.

As you lifted the flower vines at the entrance, you were greeted with the scent of lavender. If you blurred your eyes, you were sure that all you could see was blue. Their clothes, hair decorations, lights hanging from the trees even the food. People were seriously committed to this and now you were starting to feel grateful that you came.

Your parents got distracted by family friends bringing them into a conversation that surely would last longer than necessary. Jake had gotten the attention of a group of na’vi women, close to his age. Their backs were so arched that it hurt you physically while looking at them. They had pulled their shirts down so that their cleavage was protruding out of the hem.

You scoffed in annoyance and made your way toward the dining table. The variety of foods and sweets brightened you up and your sweet tooth felt already satisfied. You placed an episoth seed pastry into your mouth and hummed at the flavor.

“Welcome, yuey” (beautiful) Neïtan walked from behind you and placed his hand on your lower back. You welcomed his touch and turned your head around shooting him a sweet smile.

“Hi, Neïtan” You placed your hands around his neck and hugged him, pressing your bodies together. Neïtan was Tsu’tey’s son and he had been part of your life since you were young. You were aware of his crush on you and although you didn’t mind his flirty comments at times, you tried to be more distant so as to not lead him on.

“Haven’t seen you in a while, how you’ve been?” he smiled and took a piece of the pastry that you had bitten into.

“Past few weeks have been slow but it’s been nice,” You said and took a sip from your drink. 

“Yeah, it’s getting warmer outside. My little sister went out to play on the tree swing and when she came back in she was also sunburnt,” Your chuckles mixed with his as you pictured his little sister’s face.

Your attention was all on Neïtan and you did not notice Jake, biting down his teeth and death staring at you both. Neither did Neïtan apparently which is why it was such a surprise when you heard his voice.

“Yeah my-” 

“Are the pastries good?” Jake interrupted you and reached in between Neïtan and you to grab dessert. Neïtan looked at the man and his eyebrows furrowed, as he recognized him. 

“Jake Sully,” He put emphasis on the “u” and you struggled to contain your smile as his pronunciation was ridiculous.

“Who are you?” Jake’s voice remained stern.

“Neïtan te Rongloa Ateyitan,” He crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“Tsu’tey’s son,” Jake nodded and ate the pastry. He looked down at you and you could see anger in his eyes. 

“Well, Neïtan if I am not mistaken you are supposed to look over the people here, supposed to be their protector.” Jake placed his hand on Neïtan’s shoulder.

“How would your father feel if he found out you weren’t doing your duty?” Jake furrowed his eyebrows and nodded at Neïtan as he could see the boy getting nervous.

“I should go. Txon, syulang” (night, flower) He walked away and Jake took his place in front of you. A smirk appeared on his face as he threw a grape in his mouth and watched Neïtan walk away. 

Then he looked down at you,

“What?” He asked

“Fuck you, Jake,” You pushed him away and followed Neïtan to where he was going. Avoiding any trouble with his father, the man walked toward Tsu’tey with his head down, rushing to interpret the situation and why he had left. Before he could enter his father’s sight, you intertwined your hand with his pulling him towards your direction.

“Syulang. What’s up?” He laughed at your silliness and you shushed him by forcefully pulling his hand to walk with you. When you had gotten deep enough into the forest so that the music from the festival wasn’t audible anymore, you pulled him down to sit under a tree next to you.

The silent went on forever until he finally broke it, “Jake seemed pissed,

You looked at him ashamed, “I am sure Neïtan..he had no right to speak to you that way,”

“Syulang, don’t apologize. It was my fault for intruding in your relationship,” You rose from where you were laying down on the ground and looked at him, eyes open.

“You stuttered, “What are you talking about?”

“I’m not blind, y/n. The way he reacted...I could tell he was jealous,” He gave you a sad smile as he came to the realization that you were already taken. His hopes of mating with you were now non-existent.

“I don’t know what to say Neïtan,” What could you say? You felt as if you had led him on this entire time and now you were carelessly crushing his heart. Any insecurity you had about yourself, increased at that very moment.

“You shouldn't say anything, syulang. It was my fault for pushing it when it wasn’t going to happen. I just want you to be happy,” His eyes softened as your eyes teared up. To say you were sad was an understatement.

“C’mere” You wrapped your arms around his neck, squeezing him into suffocation.

“You wanna choke me to death so that I forget this, is that it?” He laughed earning a flick to the forehead from you. He put his hand on the skin, acting as if he was hurt.

-

It took you about an hour to get back to your hub and Neïtan gave you a hug before running off to who knows where. When you pulled open the flap, you were welcomed by laughter and loud cheers. The hub was filled with people, some playing games, others enjoying each other’s company.

Your parents were sitting on the couch outside on the balcony, chatting with friends and cracking jokes. Your eyes scanned the room for the man you had interrupted your evening for. Your excitement quickly faded and was replaced with disappointment when you saw him leaning over the counter, making a pretty girl giggle. 

Not that he had to say anything funny to make her giggle, as you’ve noticed that his mere presence made girls' knees weak. Your eyebrows furrowed and you bit the inside of your cheek, jealousy had caught you. She held onto his arm and he sipped on his drink.

As if he could sense his eyes on him, he whipped his head around and looked at you. His eyes had gotten dark and he lifted his arm out of the girl’s grasp. He took one last sip from his cup and set it down heavily on the counter. He quickly rose from his seat, ignoring the girl’s confusion, and speedily walked towards you. He walked past you, grabbing your hand in the process without stepping to look at you.

He huffed as he stomped towards an unknown location. When you arrived at a secluded spot in the forest, he aggressively pulled you in front of him.

“What is wrong with you?”

Offended you said, “Excuse me? You let her rub herself all over you and I am the problem,”

“Yeah, and who knows what you did with Neïtan in the forest. God y/n, you’re so difficult” He threw his hands up and then let them rest on his hips.

“I’m difficult? What was I supposed to do, wait patiently in the corner until you were done being petted and undressed by all the women that were drooling over you? Wait like a stupid servant until you finally remembered me and stopped drowning in your own ego?” Your head leaned closer to him as you ranted in his face.

“How can you be so stupid? You’re pissed because of the slightest bit of attention I gave to the bystanders? Because I entertained them for a little? How do expect me to feel about you sneaking off into the forest with a guy who’s been in love with you for years?”

Your mouth remained open until you swallowed harshly to allow yourself to speak, “Nothing is happening between me and Neïtan. He knows about us,”

Jake threw his head up, turning his back to you. His body remained still and he just shook his head. Your head fell as you could sense his disappointment in you all the way from where you were. You stared at the ground and played with your fingers.

When he finally turned around, he slowly walked towards you but not coming closer than 3 feet to you. His hands were still on his hips, and he looked down at you.

“I waited for so long to get you to open up, and you let him in so quickly...I don’t care that you sneaked off with him, it doesn't matter. I just don’t understand why it took you so long with me.”

“I didn't let him in!” You yelled at him and let your tears fall on your cheeks. “We didn’t even have the chance to converse about anything else before he told me that he knew about us. He had figured it out. The worst part is that he apologized for pushing his feelings on me. He apologized. After all these years of not giving him a clear answer, he’s the one that feels sorry, and I am an awful person for making him feel that way.” 

You breathed harshly before continuing, “I cannot get anything right with anyone. I have never allowed anyone to get so close to me besides you. Never. That is why it took so long. Because I don’t know how to control my feelings and because I’m scared. Now you’re mad at me, Neïtan is mad at me, who knows how my dad will react when he finds out about this,” You pointed between you two and you lowered your voice down to a whisper.

Jake fell down on his knees and wrapped his arms around your torso. Your arms were still crossed in front of your chest and you leaned your cheek on the side of his head. Your cries were reduced to sniffles. He backed up, his hands on your hips and he was looking up at you.

“You got everything right with me, bunny. There is nothing wrong with not understanding your feelings, nobody does. It’s not your place to understand how love works. It is my duty to show you, and I apologize for not being diligent enough with you,” You raised your hand up and grabbed a strand that had fallen loose from his braids. You played with it as you nodded at his words.

“I don’t like this. Us fighting,” Jake smiled at you and got up, pulling you up with him.

“Neither do I, bunny,” He leaned down and rubbed his nose with yours. He paused for a moment, embracing the silence before interrupting it.

“I see you,” He spoke softly but you were so close you heard him loud and clear. You smiled at his words and reiterated, “I see you, Jake” He leaned in and kissed your lips. He placed his hands at the back of your head, pulling you closer to him. You moved your lips with his, caressing the sides of his neck. 

When you backed up, you looked at him and frowned, 

“What’s wrong, bun?” He held your hands in his and looked into your eyes.

“Do you think there is still food at the party?” You asked and as if your stomach was in sync with your words, it rumbled.

Jake laughed loudly and said, “Yeah, cmon!” You both walked towards the hub, hand in hand and luckily for you, the snack bar was still plentiful.

-

taglist <3 - tell me if you wanna be added

@calums-betch @alana69s @jake-sullys-whore @stvrligghtt @loonatistic @ellabellabus07 @coldbabyheroin @reidsrealbitch @sweetllamaparadise @littlexscarletxwitch @crazy4books1 @who-is-ej @loquatious-josephi-krakousky @myheartfollower @mqcherie

[animereaderinsertwriter]

Cupbearer (Eren/Reader)

Part II

Part I (complete)

Part III (complete)

Part IV (in progress)

Warnings: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT (im watching you, if you see this, begone!), vampire!eren, hunter!reader, fem!reader, smut, some amount of predator/prey dynamics but only kinda?? there is also a significant age difference but only cos eren is immortal and all that jazz. we're all adults here. there will eventually be smut.... and do i really need to say that there's gonna be blood in a vampire fic?

Description: A story of falling in love in 4 parts.

Eren is a bad man (well, a bad Creature) who has done bad things. When he meets the great-great-great granddaughter of one of his former friends in his favorite blood bar, however, he thinks it might not matter so much what happened in the past, so long as he can make the future something worth living to see.

Ao3 link here

Making deals with a vampire was one thing, (Y/N) supposed, but fulfilling such a deal was quite another.

When Zeke— who held the contradictory position of the regional Commander of the Hunters as well as the alpha of a local werewolf pack— had approached her with the idea of infiltrating Eren Jaeger's inner circle, she had jumped at the chance; her great-to-however-many-degrees grandfather really had been Jean Kirschtein, and she had read his old journal, and her curiosity about the Old Ways was always bubbling just beneath her skin. Zeke, she thought, must have known of her curiosity, because his offer had been everything she was searching for.

You'll have your answers, he told her, And we'll have ours. One way or another, the problem of Eren Jaeger will be solved through your efforts. There is no possible way to lose.

If only she had known how wrong Zeke had been.

At first, things with Eren were simple— well, as simple as things could be with such a delicate arrangement. It had been beyond easy to bait him into approaching her at the Creature bar on 76th Street, and aside from the first time, allowing time for Eren to feed was almost nothing. Even the process of feeding itself wasn't much of an ordeal— there was hardly any pain since he drew from her wrist after a warm soak, and the whole thing took less than five minutes— but around the second time, when the visions began, things began to be… different.

Little snippets of Eren's past began to come as the two of them interacted more and increased the amount of regular feedings. Sometimes it was as little as a feeling, a memory of a face that (Y/N) had never seen before; other times, it was like (Y/N) was truly there centuries ago, in a land that would one day become her home. Now, almost every time she let Eren drink from her, she was thrust back into a world where humanity was (literally) with it's back against the wall, fighting demons and mindless monsters just to survive; and, sometimes, the visions were so intense that she would come back from them terrified, shaking, and incapable of cogent thought. It was during those times that Eren held her, silent, resigned, and yet somehow caring until she was herself again.

It was strange; in the visions, Eren was often passionate to a fault. He was wild, like an animal, but kind, too. During times like these, when he cradled her in his arms as she was trembling with the force of a particularly poignant memory, (Y/N) wondered if the centuries had truly changed him, or if he hid that passion beneath the jaded indifference she had come to expect.

"You think too much," he told her as she buried her face into the crook of his neck. "Your heart is racing."

Of course it was— the terror of watching hundreds of people be consumed by the very wrath of hell itself would do that to a person— but (Y/N) had no rebuttal. She did think too much, and the end result was muddled reports sent back to Zeke and a clouded heart.

"You loved her."

It was a statement, not a question. Mikasa— the brave, beautiful woman that Jean Kirschtein had once loved— may not have always known it, but Eren truly had felt very deeply for her.

"More than life," Eren replied.

(Y/N) thought back to the memory— the sheer panic Eren had felt at the thought of losing his comrades, the desperation with which he strove to save them— and she amended her statement.

"You loved them all."

Eren hummed.

"More than the wide, wide world."

And (Y/N) thought that, perhaps, he truly meant it.

"What did you see this time?" he asked, his voice soft.

(Y/N) pulled back so that she and Eren were face to face, her legs straddling him. His eyes were glowing-green, and she shivered beneath their scrutiny.

"I saw a field full of demons," she told him, unable to meet his gaze. "You and Mikasa were defenseless, yourself having been pushed to your limit, and Mikasa's blades having been broken. There was nowhere to run, and you— you screamed, and—"

A large, warm hand caressed her cheek, and it occurred to (Y/N) that it was her own blood within Eren that gave him such warmth with which to comfort. She placed her smaller hand atop his, and the world seemed to freeze for a moment to allow this brief, intimate interlude.

"Do you understand now?" he asked as he did almost every time she had a vision. "Do you see why I did what I did?"

As always, (Y/N) shook her head, moving his hand from her face.

"No, I don't."

The response was never met with anger or frustration; Eren was only ever resigned to it. Before, (Y/N) might have felt scorn for such a man who cared so little, but now that she had seen who Eren had been, what he'd been through… perhaps he was simply tired of caring so much.

"You're beautiful when you're thinking."

The words caught (Y/N) off guard. She had known that Eren had thought she was attractive— his emotional feedback told her that much— but she had never thought that he would voice such a thought. The compliment heated her cheeks, and (Y/N) had to fight the urge to bury her face in her hands.

"I've always thought," said Eren, speaking slowly, choosing his words carefully, "That one can never truly appreciate the beauty of a blush until one could see it with the eyes of a vampire, or smell it as it rises on the cheek."

Eren placed a hand on her face, tilting it until their eyes were level.

"And as a vampire who has seen many beautiful blushes on many beautiful women, yours is the most bewitching of all."

(Y/N) swallowed thickly.

"Why are you saying this?"

Eren cocked his head to the side, studying her. It was a long moment before he spoke, but when he did, he gave an answer that (Y/N) was not expecting.

"Because it's true, and because I would very much like to kiss you."

(Y/N)'s heart leapt into her throat, but she didn't dare move one way or the other. She just stared at Eren, slack-jawed, as he stared patiently back.

"Why?" she asked when she had collected herself.

Eren shrugged. "Does that matter?"

(Y/N) supposed very much that it did matter, but she didn't feel the need to say so. She studied Eren closely— the latent hunger in his eyes, the set of his jaw, the stain of her blood on his lips— and she thought of how gentle he had been with her, how patient. She had no doubt that he would prove to be equally so in other matters, and she wanted him— but something stopped her.

It would be wrong of me to allow this, she thought, letting her eyes wander to Eren's lips. I'm his enemy, a spy for the Hunters. Allowing him and myself the potential of intimacy is too deep a betrayal, even for me.

Even so, she didn't stop him as he shifted her closer; even so, when his lips brushed hers, she kissed him back, tasting her own blood on his tongue.

"This is a bad idea," she whispered against his lips, shifting in his lap.

"How young you are," he said in return. "There is no such thing as a bad idea, only poor timing and execution. Take it from someone who has centuries of experience; rarely ever is the regret for having done something greater than the regret of not having done it."

So saying, he kissed her again, and (Y/N) threaded her hands in his hair as he reached beneath her shirt. His hands— warm, now, with the heat of her own blood— reached beneath the cup of her bra to cradle her breasts, and she exhaled a hiss as his fingertips found her nipples. She arched into him, pressing her flesh into his hands and parting their lips; he chuckled, dark and low, and she shivered at the sound.

"How many other Creatures have you tricked like this?" he asked, pressing kisses against her neck. "Tell me, pretty girl— just how many have fallen prey to your charms so that you can run back to your little doggy master with their deepest, darkest secrets?"

(Y/N) froze, stuck somewhere between fear, dread, and ecstasy. Eren knew— somehow, he knew— and yet he continued to touch her, kiss her, caress her as though nothing were amiss. Her whole body went still with shock, but Eren never stopped even for a moment.

"Come now, you can't think I didn't know." His lips were just below her ear now, and he closed his teeth around the lobe, teasing her with the sensation. "I can smell him on the papers in your bag; I can hear the clicking of the letters as you type your memos after I've pieced you back together for an evening. Most of all, I can hear the way your heart pumps a little faster when I feed you the information you want. I can taste your guilt in the very blood I take from you. You can hide nothing from me."

"Eren," she said as fear— rancid and terrible— began crawling up the back of her throat, "Eren, please, I haven't told him about the important things, I'm trying to make a case for you—"

He pulled away then, and when his piercing green eyes locked with her own, she stilled like a sparrow caught in the gaze of a cobra.

"I don't care," he replied simply. "You are what you are, and at your core, you cannot change that. It is the same with me. I'm not afraid of my half-mutt half-brother no matter what you tell him, and as long as you want what I have to offer, there's no reason not to take it for your own."

(Y/N)'s mind was reeling.

"Half-brother?"

Eren chuckled at her confusion.

"Oh yes, pretty one. Zeke Jaeger is my older brother, and I suspect he sent you to me just to you with the both of us." With a carnivorous grin, he added, "But little does he know that I play for keeps, and you're not the good little Huntress he must assume you are— that is to say, he must have no clue at all how hungry you are for vampire cock, hm?"

(Y/N) would be lying if she hadn't pictured Eren in… less than appropriate situations, but for fuck's sake, she wasnt blind. The man— vampire, Creature, whatever— was fucking gorgeous, and he damn well knew it, but that didn't mean she was gagging for it.

Did it?

"We can't do this," she said, pushing at Eren's chest, though he didn't budge an inch. "We shouldn't do this."

Eren cracked a grin, toothy with fangs that glistened.

"Says who?" he asked, his large, strong hands coming around to grab her by the ass. "You were perfectly fine with letting me kiss and touch when you thought I was in the dark— is it no longer any fun now that you don't feel like you're taking advantage of me?"

(Y/N) couldn't take it.

"Eren, be serious—"

"I am serious."

When she looked in his eyes and reached out with her own heart, (Y/N) knew that he was telling the truth. He wanted her regardless of anything, regardless of everything.

He simply wanted her.

Could that be so bad?

***

Eren didn't think that this would happen even in his wildest dreams, but when he saw (Y/N) splayed out on his gold silk sheets, he knew it wasn't the madness that Armin accused him of lying to himself about. No mind, well and whole or not, could ever conjure up such a vision. The woman who lay before him— naked and gorgeous— was beyond imagining. She was something from another world entirely.

"What are you doing?" she asked, puzzled as Eren stood over her, watching the rise and fall of her breasts. "Come hold me."

And how lovely was that? His natural enemy, his perfect prey, asking him to come hold her, as though his skin on hers was blessed assurance that he was there and wanting.

Maybe Eren was mad— or, perhaps he was dreaming. If he was, he hoped he never came back to himself. A world without this was not a world he ever wanted to return to.

"Yes," she hissed as he crawled atop her, his mouth suckling at her breast. No other creature that walked the earth could ever taste as sweet as her— having tasted many, many before, Eren would know— but even were that to be disproved, Eren wasn't sure he would much care. This woman would be his undoing.

"Touch me," she demanded, canting her hips up to him. "I want to feel you."

How could Eren ever deny her? He brought a hand down to her sex, caressing her there before parting her folds to quest for her clit. Having found it, he drew small, teasing circles, and she whined.

"Am I still a monster to you?" he asked into the hollow of her throat, placing biting kisses there as his hand kept busy with its work. "Still something to hate and abhor?"

"You're still a monster," she replied, so startlingly honest even now, "But I never once hated you. Oh Eren, please, I want you inside me, I—"

Her wish was his command; Eren plunged two fingers into her depths, and (Y/N) gasped at the intrusion. She was so wet already, and so tempting as she squeezed down on those fingers, rocking her hips as he withdrew them just to the tip and repeated the motion. The way she felt around his digits shouldn't have turned him on as much as it did, but as Eren slid in a third finger, he had to keep himself from letting out a groan.

"You're so beautiful," he told her as she writhed beneath him. "You truly, truly are."

Distantly, Eren wondered what Jean would think if he were alive to know who was finger-fucking his great-granddaughter, but when Eren remembered the nasty right hooks the taller man used to give him when he was being a shit, he figured that he would rather not know. Still, as he watched (Y/N) come undone on the tip of his fingers, he couldn't help but think that perhaps it was something of Jean's spirit— the part that even Eren had to admit was better, kinder, more human than most— that drew him to her.

"I want you," he said, withdrawing his hands and licking his fingers clean of her juices. "Do you feel ready enough?"

And then, as though to prove his point, (Y/N) sat straight up with the cutest little Jean-like scowl he had ever seen and pushed at his chest with no small amount of force. He went with the motion, and he found himself being mounted by her as she said,

"I'm not made of glass— if you can't wrap your head around that, I'll have to show you just what I'm capable of."

She did— and how! Powerful thighs— the thighs of a Hunter— levered her up and down on his cock, squeezing him until he thought he might die from it. He thought she was never going to stop impaling herself again and again, and by the time she did eventually tire, Eren was sort of hoping she never would. He was in ecstasy with her, and like the selfish bastard he was, he wanted it to last forever.

"Such fire," he said, reaching up to press kisses into the skin just between her breasts. "You've made your point, now let me take over."

Let me take care of you.

"Yes, yes, yes," she chanted as he thrust up into her, the head of his cock buried so deeply within her that he marveled at how she didn't seem to be feeling any discomfort. "Oh fuck, right there, please don't stop—"

Eren didn't stop; he couldn't. He was beyond restraint.

"May I?" He asked, tapping the wrist that was trapped in his right hand. "I won't take much, but I want to show you something."

Delirious, drunk with lust, (Y/N) nodded, and Eren pierced her skin with a single fang, letting a drop of blood fall onto his tongue. In that moment, as they connected physically, her blood connected them spiritually, and Eren groaned as he physically felt how close she was through the link he had created.

It wouldn't be long now.

"Oh, fuck!" she cried, and Eren buried himself as deeply as he could within her as he came. "Oh, oh, oh—"

And then (Y/N) was following him, shaking and gasping as her orgasm overtook her. It seemed that the world had stopped existing for a moment, and Eren found it hard to breathe even though he had no particular need to do so at all.

In the afterglow, they clung to each other like the survivors of a shipwreck; when the world began to exist again, it felt new, and as Eren closed his eyes to sleep, he knew that this changed everything.

I must keep her, he thought as sleep overtook him. I don't know if I could feel like this ever again for anyone else.

[char-lotteral]

Look I'm not one of those people who believe Kishimoto decided to have Hinata and Naruto end up in the middle part of Shippuden. I believe he decided in the very last arc but he wanted to sound smart so he said he decided earlier on. Otherwise, they obviously would have more scene together. In Shippuden, they have only three scenes together ; when Naruto came back, the pain attack and the neji death scene. That's it. In the original Naruto, they probably have less than ten canon scenes not including fillers.

So I'm sorry I'm one of those who wasn't convinced by The Last. They literally had a basic villain go after Hinata who was cringe btw (the villain). They gave Hinata op powers which she doesn't have in the novel 👀. Despite having op powers, they made her the damsel in distress. Very "The hero saves the princess" cliche. Again, to justify them being together. I mean Naruto can't differentiate his love for ramen and romantic love so how??? He was just being nice to Hinata just like he does to everyone. He stood up for her just like he does for everyone.

Don't get me started on the Sakura Sasuke relationship 🤣. Cringe. They never knew each other. The whole Sakura's love for Sasuke saved him doesn't make sense. They spent barely a year in their genin year before sasuke left. Sasuke tried to kill Naruto and Sakura multiple times. Then at the end of the war, Kishimoto tried to do the "oh they have such a deep understanding between each other" which comes off as cringey. He gets her pregnant then leaves for years. She's literally a single mom who's broke.

Every relationship in Naruto is so cringey and forced except shikatemari. Kishimoto should've focused on the main story and fixed his potholes and leave the ending open.

Naruto would not have been perfect but at least it would've been remembered for staying true to its vision but instead it's remembered for cringey relationships, dumbass villain (except pain and madara) and a story that lost its core which is a shame coz I used to love Naruto. I was inspired by its messages but now....

OKAY LOL WAIT I ACTUALLY HAVE THIS LONG ASS RANT PREPARED XD

BUT FIRST Ive read what you said and I lowkey agree :p

HOWEVER

I DRAW THE LINE AT TONERI SLANDER. BECAUSE WHY

TONERI?? CRINGE?? THIS SEXY MOTHERFUCKER??

LOOK AT HIS WHITE FLUFFY HAIR AND HIS CERULEAN BLUE ORBS STARING DEEPLY INTO YOUR SOUL

SAY SIKE RIGHT NOW?!#*@*#&@*

okay lol now for the juicy part click readmore and beware I shall be brutally honest so yea enjoy

I mean, Naruto in general is a mess, not just the ships if we're being realistic. Alot of plotholes, rushed endings, this and that, the w a r a r c, Kaguya, the way they rushed Boruto ehhh. Honestly, getting into Naruto is literally my biggest regret of 2020 :"DD

Im an NH shipper as you can tell by my hotmess of a blog but i fully respect your opinion and understand your point of view. I also know a bunch of nh stans who have their complaints with their development. I wish Kishi gave more attention to his female cast really, thats all I fucking ask. If he did that one single basic thing, then maybe the endgame relationships wouldnt have been an asspull and theyd be given propper screentime with their love interest, both Sakura and Hinata. The Last tbh i think the writers played it safe and stuck to the whole Naruto shounen vibe thingy, so im not surprised it was plotted that way. Typical cliché shounen movie.

But does that bother me? No! The Last was a mess, their development was shit, they definitely needed more screentime but hey at the end of the day theyre cute as fuck, we have that kiss scene, flirting scenes, a shit ton of official art, three kids, Seiki's gif :33 and a whole ass arc for their wedding all that for just a shounen anime so eh. Compensates for it i guess xD theyre not toxic, unhealthy or whatnot. Theyre wholesome, soft and vanilla as fuck and exactly what i need in my hectic life rn. No drama, just two kind souls who are adorable as heck and theyre dynamic means so much to me and I will love them until i shall leave this earth.

Anon, im not even gonna waste my time and defend their development because i think it sucked too xD but if you wanna know why i love them so so so soooo much, Id be more than willing to tell you :33

Sasuke and Sakura on the other hand eeeehhhh i can see why people like them. Sasuke's hot, he's your typical hot bad boy aad Sakura's hot and pretty too. Basic blue and pink trope. Aside from their canon interactions, fans have all the opportunity to play around with their dynamic but for me, its just sooo basic and so hetero and can easily appeal to any 16 yr old teenage girl, no wonder it has an active fanbase on twt and---- AM I MAKING ANY SENSE? AHDBAJJE LIKE ITS SO-- BASIC, your usual bad boy x pretty girl trope that you get to read in YA and coming of age novels. Not only that, but going back to canon, they have too many negative interactions for me to like them together :p The least Sakura can do is put down her own foot and yell at him for not contacting them for god knows how long. I also dont like how he always gets easily forgiven >=[[. I mean at least He's compensating as a dad good for him but ehhhh i still dont like him and Sakura together :v And im not falling for that "Sakura is the reason why Sasuke isnt lonely anymore" because thats NARUTO AHHH. Sasuke said that Multiple times. HE LIGHTS A FIRE INSIDE OF ME. HES MY SUN. MY ONE AND ONLY FRIEND. LIEK?? THATS NARUTOOO romantic or not, Naruto was the reason for his not so lonely existence anymore smh >=[[

Sasuke almost murdered her and Naruto and made their lives a living hell but hey its all good!! He's my best friend and Sakura loves him!! So set him freeee into the worldddd~~

Sasuke left his family without even simply contacting them but can easily contact Naruto through a hawk but hey thats fine! His and Sakura's feelings are connected afterall! Sasuke gave her a ring and said thank you! Who cares about leaving your family. She loves him and he loves her so yey!!! All is forgiven :D

DID I MENTION SASUKE ALMOST MUREDERED HIS OWN DAUGHTER AND HE WASNT CALLED OUT FOR THAT@*#&@??!?#,*@#,#

Sasuke gets too many life points this isnt fair >=[[ But tbh he's nerfed so bad in Boruto manga and anime power wise. Like in that time travel arc and the manga. The rinnegan kunai thing was still so funny to me even if it was Borushiki. I just idk its so funny to me lmaoo

OKAY WHAT ELSE. I dont even know any more. Im tired of complaining about Naruto and just when Ive finally gone a little bit away from Naruto, Hinata fucking pulls me in again 😩 she has me on chokehold pls send help. Watch castlevania!!! and one piece!!!! ten times better than this anime about a loud blonde boi who wants to be president. Trust me

overall, i dont fully agree but i lowkey agree i guess. I do respect your opinion tho :))

EXCEPT WHEN YOU CALLED TONERI CRINGE. HOW DARE YOU CALL THAT SEXY MF CRINGEY---

[marauder-exe]

Roommates- Sebastian Stan x Reader

Request: sebastian stan & reader are shooting a movie together in atlanta &his place gets flooded so they become roommates. at first he only sees her like a little sister since shes much younger than him (22) but then started seeing her differently while living together but doesnt realize it so he does nothing. then during the press tour and premiere for the movie fans noticed how he would look at her all the time &it got them trending in social media forcing him to finally admit his feelings to her 🙈

Word Count: 1.6k

Your eyes shot open as you heard the incessant loud knocking on your apartment door. You sleepily got up from your bed and headed towards the door. You groggily it wondering who the hell was knocking at 3 in the damn morning! To your surprise, it was Sebastian Stan. You and Sebastian had become fast friends a few months ago. You had been hired as the cool best friend in a new movie that was being made in Atlanta. Sebastian was the lead, so you would be spending a lot of time together, which you didn't mind. And soon you were close, closer to him than anyone else, and it was amazing. But why was he at your door at 3am? You were hoping it was some sappy declaration of love at 3am like you see in the movies, but you knew it wasn't, he only saw you as a sister. “Seb? What are you doing here? Come in come in” You rushed him in, turning on the lights. He had a lot of stuff in boxes with him. “Is everything alright?” He was cold and shivering. You sat him down on the sofa then you got up and went to the kitchen area, turning on the kettle. “Uh, one of my neighbours did something, not entirely sure what, but he ended up flooding the entire floor of apartments. So my apartment and a lot of my stuff got ruined, and I have nowhere to stay.” He explained. You returned to the sofa with two hot chocolates, Sebastian's favourite. “Of course you can stay here Seb, you can stay in my room” You sipped your hot chocolate and lay a hand on his arm. “I couldn't take your bed, ‘m already staying in your house, ill just take the couch” You gave him a look. “Seb” “(Y/N)” You sighed. “Fine, but I'm gonna get you lots of blankets alright” He nodded as you got up to go to the cupboard in the next room. Sebastian looked around your apartment. It was quaint, cute, full of life. You had many things hanging from the walls. Posters of some movies you've been in, certificates from childhood, even your graduation. You had graduated from a top drama school with a scholarship last year, coincidentally on the same day as your 21st birthday. It was a wild, drunken night. He smiled at the memory. Soon enough you returned with a heap of blankets in your arms. Sebastian immediately rushed over to help you with the big ball of blankets. He dropped them on the couch as you took a deep breath. You tiredly giggled and lay your head on his chest, sighing. “You sure you're alright? You did just lose your entire lively hood in water” You looked up at him. “Yeah ill be fine” He waved it off. “As long as Ive got my best girl ill be fine” He smiled down at you as you smiled back. “Come on, let's get to bed, you've had a long day” You said your goodbyes and went to bed. You stared up at the ceiling. Sebastian was living with you now. Damn. Eventually you drifted off into sleep.

You awoke a few hours later to the smell of fresh pancakes coming from your kitchen. Honestly, Sebastian was something else. You jumped out of bed, wearing shorts and a vest top, slipping on your socks. You walked into the kitchen, the smell getting stronger. You spotted Sebastian with a spatula in his hand near the oven. “Alright love, fancy a pancake?” He smiled nonchalantly. You rushed over to him and placed a huge kiss on his cheek. “Oh my gosh I love you!” You sat down at the table, chomping down on the pancake, as you heard him throw his head back in laughter. “Its the least I could do” You mumbled something inaudible because of the pancake in your mouth and he laughed again. “Slow down, (Y/N)” He said as he slipped into the seat next to you with his own pancakes, you just gave him a smile. “So, any news on your apartment?” You asked, gulping down your pancakes. He nodded his head, taking a bite of his pancake. “They called an hour ago, they said there's a lot of damage and they wont know anything until next week” You nodded along. “Well you're free to stay here as long as you need” He smiled at you. You went to put your dishes away, and for the first time all day Sebastian actually looked at you, and you were beautiful. You were laughing at something random, and he felt butterflies in his stomach. Actual butterflies. He swore that only happened in movies. He had only seen you in a sisterly way up until now, now he was seeing you differently.

“Seba! Come on!” You shouted towards your room. Sebastian came rushing out in his 3 piece suit. “Damnnnn, Sebby got game!” You both laughed. “Do I look okay?” You questioned, giving one last glance in the mirror. “Of course, you look beautiful” He gave you a kiss on the cheek “Now come on! We don't wanna be late for your first press tour!” Sebastian rushed you into the car before you set off. Sebastian had been living with you for the past 6 months, and tonight was the press tour for the new movie you guys were in. Your first press tour, and you where glad it was with Sebastian. You made small talk, talking about how excited you were for your first press tour while Seb stared at you in admiration. He was glad he was with his best friend at her first press tour. The car came to a holt outside the hall. You stared outside at the huge hall, a starstruck look on your face, Sebastian looked over to you, wonder struck, and laughed. He loved seeing that look on your face. The same face you made the first time on set. He opened the car door and jumped out, making his way around the car to open your door for you. He held out his hand and you took it. “Ever the gentleman, Seba” You cooed. “Only for you” he responded, dragging you into the venue. There was paparazzi everywhere, cameras flashing constantly. It was a dream. Sebastian grabbed your hand and you flushed, looking down. He flushed as well. “You ready Sebby?” “Ready (Y/N/N)?” You both nodded and pushed open the doors. You heard a chorus of questioning interviewers, and paparazzi shouting you over. ‘Here (Y/N)’ ‘look over here Sebastian’. You stared up at him with a gigantic smile, finding he was already looking at you, he had an arm wrapped protectively around your waist. “Im so happy” You whispered. “Me too, smile for the camera” A smile reached his eyes and he looked back toward the cameras.

You and Sebastian barged through the doors to your apartment, kicking your shoes off and collapsing on the couch. You both let out a deep sigh, exhausted from the press tour. “That was one hell of a day” You sighed. “Your telling me” He chuckled. “i don't know about you but im ready for the biggest sleep of my life” You nodded in agreement as he took of his tie. He lay on the couch with his arm around you, too tired to move. Thats how you both fell asleep, for the next 12 hours, in each others arms. Until you were rudely woken up at 11am by your phone buzzing, Sebastian stirring and opening his eyes. “’mmm you alright, love?” His sleepy voice was heaven. “Yeah, my phones blowing up though” You said with furrowed brows. “Dude you and Sebastian are trending on twitter!” You read out the message from your best friend. “Guess the press tour photos are released” He chuckled. “Lets see whats trending then” He sat up to look at your phone. You opened up twitter and number one on trending was ‘AviPressTour’ which was no surprise, but on number two trending was ‘SebastiansCrush’. You gave him a confused glance. “What?” He asked, and you let him see your phone as you clicked on the hashtag. Your screen became filled with heartbroken teenage girls, and pictures of Sebastian lovingly staring at you, with a hand around your waist. One was entitled ‘i want someone to look at me the way Sebastian looks at (Y/N), you smiled at it. Sebastian gulped as he looked at the screen. Man he hated twitter. The top news story, ‘Is Sebastian Stans new boo only 22?’ It made you feel intimidated and uncomfortable. You knew Seb wouldn't like you like that because of your age. “Wo- woah, thats- thats crazy-” Sebastian stuttered, face red. No? He couldnt like you like that. Hell Sebastian didn't even knew he liked you like that until 2 minutes ago. Suddenly, every time he looked at you he felt like he was going to burst if he didn't kiss you. “Sebastian?” You questioned tentatively, turning to face him. He gulped. “Yeah?” “You like me, don't you?” You asked quietly, as if it was a secret never to be told. He stared at you, the same way he did last night, still in the same tuxedo and dress, day old makeup on. You looked as beautiful as ever. Without even thinking, he grabbed you and kissed you, its like his body had a mind of its own. You moved against each other, fitting together like puzzle pieces. You broke apart breathing heavily. “Yeah” He breathed. You stared at him quizzically. “What?” “Yes I like you” He spoke quietly, not daring to pierce the thick air with his voice. So you kissed him, as passionate as he kissed you, and smiled. You both lay against the couch, limbs tangled into each other. Bliss.

[fbfh]

Light Up the Dark - [IV] Leo x reader

genre: romance + action + enemies to lovers kinda

word count: 2k

au: none

pairing: Leo x gothy!child of eros!fem reader

requested: nah

warnings: MAJOR SPOILERS FOR HEROES OF OLYMPUS!!, normal reader being mean lol, mentions of abandonment issues, a breakup over skype call basically, reader uses  seduction powers for fun and profit, i think that’s it

summary: You pull some strings to get a hotel room and some cash, the boys get to know you a little better, and you overhear something you probably shouldn’t have.

listen to: bad liar - imagine dragons

a/n: since the reader is a daughter of Eros, the characters are aged to 18+ idk i think i forgot to put that on the other chapters lol 

also requests r open uwu

“What do you mean she’s not coming?” Leo asks, all the bad feelings quickly overtaking him. 

“She said she wanted to sight see more, and that she’d meet us back at camp in a few days,” Jason says, trying to break the news as gently as possible, “I’m sorry, Leo.”

He bit back his heartache.

“Yeah, it’s…” 

The door creaks and their heads turn to you, exiting the front door. 

“Who’s driving?” you ask.

“Jason,” Leo replies. You open the passenger side door, gently place the coffin shaped box on the seat, and buckle it in. You can feel their inquisitive eyes on you, and you counter with a blank, resolute look of your own.

“This one’s special.” 

You notice Leo seems… off. His whole mood seems to have plummeted. Leo reminds you of a buoy. Even in the worst storms, even if he gets caught under a huge wave, he always comes back to the surface. Based on his current vibe, someone nuked the buoy. Wheels turn in your head, and you hand him the trout mailbox. 

“Could you put this in the back?” you direct your words at him, hoping the heat flushing to his cheeks would distract him from whatever made him upset. His hand brushes yours and you can almost feel his heart spasm. You make eye contact at him through your thick, dark eyelashes and he almost chokes. He agrees and you pull Jason aside. 

“What happened?” you hiss. 

“What?” he whispers back.

“What did you tell him to make him all lame?”

“Oh, uh…” he rubs the back of his neck and you shake your head, waiting for an answer, “Calypso’s… not coming back with us.”  You wait in silence for him to keep talking. 

“She said she wanted to see the world more, and she’d meet us back at camp in a few days.” You process this for a second.

“So he’s-” you catch movement out of the corner of your eye, “driving?” you ask Leo, who just came back from the trunk.

“Jason, I mean.” you clarify. He confirms, and you all get in the car - Jason up front, you and Leo in the back. You reach into your bag and hand Jason a cd that says ’fun sad angry music :)’. He stares at you through the rear view mirror. You stare back. You sip your coffee. 

“Well?” you ask, “Are you going to put it in the player or eat it?” His eyes dart to Leo’s. “She gets to choose the music,” he explains. Jason mutters in agreement and fumbles the disk into the slot. A smile spreads on your face as the music plays and he starts to drive. 

Leo watches you as you nod your head and mouth the lyrics. He can tell you love this song. You vibe to the music for a minute before glancing over at Leo. He realizes he’s been staring when you give him an expectant look.

“What.” you ask. 

“Uh, this song is really good,” interest tints your face, and he’s relieved he recovered okay, “what’s it called?” You’re a little surprised he likes it.

“Mr. Doctor Man by Palaye Royale.” You two enjoy the music in silence, Jason focused on the road and GPS directions. A minute later, your curiosity starts to get the better of you. “How far is it?” 

“Not far, a couple hours.” Leo replies.

“Is everyone there all… campfire songs and friendship bracelets? Cause I’ve never been like, a summer camp person,” your eyes flick to the side towards him for a moment, and he can tell you’re listening closely. He smiles a little. 

“So what kind of person are you?”

“I’m more of a… cult documentaries and obscure unsettling 1960’s Czech animations type.” He’d never heard the words “1960’s Czech animations” sound so hot. 

“What about you?”

He paused for a minute. Part of him was deciding how to respond, and the other part was just flattered giggling that she had asked him back. You talk for the next hour or two, Jason chiming in periodically, until he points out that it’s getting dark and you should find somewhere to stay for the night. 

“Okay,” you reply, “pull over at the next truck stop.” 

They’re a little confused, but Jason complies and pulls over at the next gas station/convenience store you come across. They watch you get out of the car without a word and walk into the store. You approach a guy near a soda display. He has on a fedora and a shirt with a kids video game logo on it. He stares at you absolutely transfixed. They can’t hear what you’re saying, but he has a dopey grin on his face and nods his head a lot. Your hand touches his arm gently, and he laughs so loudly (and nervously) they hear it from the car. 

“Do I look that dumb around her?” Leo asks. 

You tilt your head and he blushes and nods again. He hands you something and a second later, you two walk to the counter. The cashier looks up startled, and tucks a strand of hair behind her ear. She stares at you for a second, then says something and fumbles with a cellphone you hand her. She hands you a paper a few seconds later. You give the guy his phone back. He walks to an ATM at the corner of the store. He walks over to you, but you’re in front of a display so they can’t see anything until you come back out. You get back in the car and hand Jason a piece of paper and a wad of cash.

“Got us a room at a Best Western like, ten minutes away. And some cash.” 

They stare at you in silence. You lean toward Jason. 

“The room is under your name, Kevin Grossman.” Leo bites back a laugh. 

You finally get to the hotel, and Jason flips on his turn signal to get into the parking lot. “Park at the Walmart over there,” you point a block or two up, “under a light.” He turns his blinker off. 

“Walmart doesn’t care if you park overnight. If someone sees our car at the parking lot of a hotel, we’re just leaving a target on our backs.” you explain. They don’t say anything. 

“You said monsters are after us, right?” 

“Yeah,” Leo said, “good thinking.” Jason agreed and you exit the car, remembering to grab the duffle bag with your clothes and other essentials. You all walk across the street to the hotel. You talk your way through checking in pretty easily. When the hostess asks to see your in app registry you hand her the printed ticket. “His phone died.” you say simply. The three of you are about to head up to your room, when you turn back to reception. You hesitate for a second, before leaning in to the receptionist.

“Can you put us as unlisted?” you ask quietly. 

“Of course,” she replies sincerely, “let me know if you need anything.”

On the way up to your room, you tell Jason and Leo that if anyone asks, you’re not here. They seem impressed. Your room has a small seating area with a couch, coffee table, coat rack, and a phone. Past the half wall are three beds, a desk, a TV, and a doorway you figure leads to the bathroom. You walk into the bathroom and touch the mirror. You notice the space between your finger and reflection, and move on. You call to Leo to turn off the lights. He and Jason share a look. You may be a little weird, and incredibly intimidating, but you haven’t steered them wrong yet. Leo hits the lights, and you said quietly, “Listen for any weird buzzing or beeping noises, and look out for any out of place lights,” you creep around the room very quietly. After a minute you turn the lights back on and look at the ceiling.

“What was that about?” Jason asks.

“Bugs,” you reply, not looking at him, “and not the fun kind,” you mutter. 

“Jason, can you reach that?” you point up at the smoke detector. He looked between you and the device on the ceiling. 

“Don’t think so.” You looked between him and Leo. Your head might hit the ceiling if you Jason gave you a boost, but you could probably access it fine with Leo’s help. 

“Leo,” you said, and he looked up from the wires he was fiddling with, “give me boost,” your gaze not leaving the smoke detector. He agrees, and you get up onto his shoulders. His hands rest just above your knees, and it takes all his focus to not burst into flames. You pop off the cover.

“This doesn’t look weird, right?” you ask him. He looks up and back at your face, hair angled down, and is reminded of the Spiderman kiss. He pushes away the thought and examines the smoke detector. 

“About as non-weird as a smoke detector can look,” he confirms, and helps you down. He’s incredibly impressed that you thought to look for bugs - even he hadn’t thought of that, and he’s a son of Hephaestus. 

“Where did you learn this stuff? The parking lot, being unlisted, checking for bugs?” You half exhale half scoff.

“When almost everyone in a five mile radius constantly wants to get in your pants, they can get… pushy… so you learn some stuff.” You grab your pajamas from your bag and head toward the bathroom. Leo and Jason meet eyes. It made more sense now, why you were always so intimidating. If he got constant unwanted attention, Leo would get pretty prickly, too. 

Once everyone had showered and gotten ready for bed, Jason pointed out someone should IM Chiron, but you were way too tired, and collectively agreed to update him in the morning. 

Right as he’s about to fall asleep, Leo feels like someone’s watching him. He opens his eyes, and sees Calypso’s face. His heart lurches. He pushes himself out of bed and sees the shimmery edges of the iris message. She opens her mouth and he holds a finger to his lips. He moves over to the couch, so he doesn’t wake the others. He sits down nervously.

“Hey, sunshine… I really miss you, what’s-” 

“Look, Leo, I… I can’t do this.” 

His stomach drops. 

He knows what’s happening. He had it coming, he knew that. He knew that this was probably inevitable. Still, that didn’t make it hurt any less. He tries to sputter out something, anything. Why, what, can he do anything to fix this, but he’s too choked up. 

“I need a break from this, from us…” she continues, “there’s so much of the world I haven’t seen yet, and you have your projects… I don’t want to hold myself back because I feel bad that you’re not with me. I want to experience everything.” He feels like he’s falling forward. His eyebrows knit and an unstoppable rush of memories of everyone who’s left him or kicked him out comes flooding back. 

“Calypso,” his voice cracks. He can’t finish the sentence. 

You wake up from the light sleep you had settled into, aware of an unfamiliar voice. You get up, throwing on the short black robe over your pajamas - despite their velvet material, the loose cami and shorts don’t provide much warmth. You tiptoe over to the seating area. Leo’s on the couch, staring at the floor. You walk up behind him and place a hand on his shoulder. 

“You okay?” you ask, your voice foggy with sleep. 

“Who-” you briefly see the unfamiliar voice is coming from a shimmery image of a pissed off girl floating in front of him, but he quickly swipes his hand through, and the image vanishes. He rubs his eyes and his hands come away damp. You stay quiet. You don’t want to make him feel worse. 

“Long day,” he mutters. He stands up and says goodnight without looking at you. You watch him get into bed, and you do the same. Even if you knew what was wrong, there wasn’t much you could do this late at night. You hope some rest makes him feel better, and tell yourself it’ll be dealt with in the morning. 

Maybe over coffee. 

You could use some coffee.

[homestucky]

i know ive posted abt it before so sorry for being a broken record but like........... my focus these days is so bad, and i say these days like i can ever remember it being good...... if i try to pay attention to something for more than 1 whole minute my brain starts shrieking and blowing steam like an old timey kettle. ive spent the past 4 days ‘flat out’ working on this paper but the pace is still somehow so slow bcaus i cant even flippign. read the papers im meant to be writing about. like i will pull an all nighter for this and then write 1 page. i just feel like.... this must mean something, right?? or is this just what im like?? am i stupid?? idk what this means. maybe im just tired or not cut out for this. ive been toying with the idea of talking to my doctor about the idea of me having adhd bcaus i think itd explain a lot but there are also considerable parts of how ive heard it described that i dont relate to. and the idea of deciding i think i have it then going and getting told i dont is kind of the worst. it would be so comofrting to have some way for me to describe the experiences im having and be told hey theres a reason your brain is like this. so i almost dont wanna know if i dont, yknow.

also in the uk at least, im p sure a diagnosis condition is you have to have some indication that youve had it since childhood. so i assumed that cant be me, bcaus i was a fairly quiet kid. i did have a really bad temper but other than that i dont remember p much anything abt being under 11. but i literally just today remembered that at the ages 12-16 in maths i never shut the hell up to the point that people who sat next to me thought i was annoying, because i couldnt concentrate in class at all, literally never once finished a set of questions in class even when everyone else could and i was supposed to be ‘good at maths’, just talked talked talked and doodled instead. ive always been a ‘slow worker’ is how i thought of it. i didnt barely do a single bit of work in art classes bcaus id just talk w my friend and like. spin in the teachers spinny chair. i did no work all of yr 11 then realised and went every day for like a month after school when no one was there. but still in class i couldnt do it, even once id decided i should work harder. i have a hard time processing things fast. despite teachers basically telling me i was some kind of prodigy for english lit, when it got to the point in like yr 12 when i couldnt rely on just writing whatever came into my head to get a good grade and actually had to plan, i absolutely flopped and practically developed a phobia of the subject. i was gonna do an english degree but i changed course. also i cant read for fun bcaus i just stare into space instead thinking about 100 other things all more interesting than the book. this has always sort of been the case too. idk i know many stereotypes of adhd are inaccurate but i was shy and ‘well behaved’ and even though i was distracted/chatty i wasnt like.. disruptive. like im not even sure if the teachers noticed me quietly babbling. so it made me never consider the possibility but obviously its far more complicated than that. 

still tho, idk i think its p likely im just making excuses for myself with this and i can easily imagine going to the doctor and talking through all this and them being like lol no nice try though. but idk. i still cant help but think about it.

idk this txtpost is p much nonsense but.. yea just attempting to get my thoughts out of my head and fling them into the void so i can carry on doing this awful stupid piece of work lol. wish me luck, im in hell!!!

edit: WHY WASNT THIS UNDER A READ MORE I REMEMBER PUTTING IT UNDER A READ MORE SCREEAAM

[thetotalfailure]

ok i dont feel like randomly bursting into tears ruminating on how stupid i am anymore

but i dont know if thats because ive had coffee and its 3am

which is another problem in of itself

my next counseling appointment isnt for another few weeks

but the first one feels like the dam broke

but it couldve been because of my intense hormone imbalance

but ive felt completely paralyzed

overwhelmed

i havent done anything all week and thats because i end up feeling like i want to cry instead of working so i go do something else which makes it worse

classic. there’s many articles about that online. fascinating. couldnt read them through the tears. why did i even try. i already know what i need to do.

but knowing and doing are two different concepts. ideas. actions.

i havent acted on any thought i have. good and bad. nothing

i dont know what to do at this point

i know venting isnt very productive because then i just end up getting stuck on the negative. and i dont want to shove the negative onto someone else. it helps no one.

its hard being nice to myself.

getting a proper diagnosis would get me on the path to not being like this

taking the steps to get such a thing is. i have so many other things i need to do.

i keep putting everything off.

the cycle

im trying but im not trying but i am trying but its really more like thinking about trying

how do i ask for help

i dont want any help. with doing things that is. i do want help. but not help to get to the help. which is ridiculous of me and why im stuck here not tearing up about it. 

i wish i wasnt like this. but wishing isnt doing. i just need. to. do. something. 

they told me to just sit down and stare at what im supposed to do for only a scheduled time. schedules. right. 

i even failed that. instead of just staring at what im supposed to be doing, i would do other things instead. i couldnt even not do what i wasnt supposed to do. ugh.

be nice to myself? how do i do that.

just turn something crappy in

i know that. i cant even get myself to do that. i cant even crap out the work. and now its late. i dont want to turn in crappy late work. but i know its better than nothing. but now im stuck in this stupid loop about it

its so fucking stupid. i cant use my own advice for myself. be nice to yourself. just turn in something crappy who cares. lower your expectations. dont care about what other people think. 

i dont. but i do. but i dont. but i really do.

i know what im capable of and i want others to know to

my standards for myself are high so i should lower them

but i dont want to seem low to other people

but i will seem low to people if i dont do anything. which is happening because my standards are high and now i have anxiety procrastination

so i should not care what others think and lower my standards for myself and turn in something crappy

oh my god why am i not doing this

and now im upset about me not doing something even after logicking everything out

im

so annoyed and upset and frustrated with myself

i dont think counseling will work but i know its a step in the right direction and maybe ill take the next step into making an appointment with someone else to get me more help because its probably just a chemical imbalance that would be fixed with medication but the complex system to get to that point takes up so much energy that i barely even have any emotional or mental energy to do what i need to do in the present time to get to step 50 and i know what im supposed to do is to break everything up into smaller pieces and delegation is a good step in the right direction but i dont want any help from anyone which is frustrating because there’s nothing wrong with getting help and i really feel like im losing it and i might just drop out of life and just. leave the state or something, not literally leave life. i wouldnt go that far. something silly like live on a farm. 

a decade ago i learned about a lot of psych concepts. rumination. ideas around self fulfilling prophecies and setting oneself up for failure. the big d word. 

although. a decade ago i had a vague unspoken idea about myself then. one i wouldve never allowed to fully voice itself even in my mind. which kind of doesnt make sense but i cant be poetic at the moment. just that. perhaps i wouldn’t exist in a decade.

i guess in a way, the me of the past truly doesn’t exist

but im still here. i exist. i have to deal with what i didnt do a decade ago. which is get help in some way dont get me wrong it isnt making myself not exist. 

it feels kind of awful. a decade of this nonsense with myself. a dance with high standards and letting myself fail from fear of failure. its a dark step in adulthood that i hope many don’t have to experience. the step of realizing that the future exists and i have to plan to exist in it. 

i think ive seen posts like that on this hell site. not having made plans for the future because they didnt expect to make it past a certain age, yet here they are.

it wasnt that . well. i guess in a way it is. i don’t know what i expected. but i certainly didnt plan anything for the future. it was anxiety about it. maybe i spoke about it in a previous entry. 

i hated. well. that might be a little too strong of a word. i disliked my so in hs because all they thought about was the future. their plans for it. their dreams. the little white fence with the 2.5 children and whatnot. i disliked thinking about the future. i enjoyed talking about Dreams for the future. oh lets live together with friends and who will be the DD and who will be the funny roommate and sitcom style adulthood with everyone graduating and having jobs and enjoying life. thats not a semi solid plan for a future. just a dream. something silly friends talk about. nothing serious. why think about what lies in the future when someone didnt really expect to. exist? im not sure what it was i thought. just my vague aspirations. 

wherever the wind takes me.

i still think like that. but i suppose i have a more solid plan/idea for what i want

but its hard. its been easier these days for the dark thoughts to creep back into my brain. easier in the sense that they’ve just taken over completely. why did i think i could do this or that when its easier to just lay in bed all day with the blinds shut and blankets blocking reality from sight. why bother when ive already set myself up to fail. i knew i didnt have to do this. why did i do this. i could just work my way up from the bottom and secure a job thats just barely above minimum wage. but i dont even believe i could do that. everything is so much energy. im even writing this instead of writing what im supposed to be working on. why am i like this

i dont want to talk to anyone else about this because. i already know its not productive the way i think so it would just come out the same nonproductive way. ill drop a thought here and there. but not the full struggle. why tell someone when i can tell a professional and yet i dont even tell the damn professional.

but be nicer to myself

its hard. its hard on my and myself and im hard on me and myself. another horrible cycle.

im tired of all of this. and i dont like being treated as fragile i guess. 

theyve been texting me the past few days with messages of affection and affirmations. its nice but. it just feels empty to me. which is frustrating. i know its just the bad side of my brain telling me to ruin it all completely. i dont know how to voice it without hurting anyone. i want to wait for my next appointment because i know its just my brain being illogical

but everything costs energy. i just simply feel like a time bomb. or maybe ive already gone off and im more like a candle thats burning out

i feel like im burning out

or that im already at the end and im just a whisper of smoke

i know that everyone can be compassionate or understanding and maybe accommodating, but im afraid ill only be met with sternness and a loss of respect somehow. like im just making excuses. especially because its not like im diagnosed officially or anything. i know im not the only one. but it feels like im the only one. and what if i am the only one. i dont want to be singled out 

i dont want to be treated differently. maybe understanding. but. not differently. not negatively.

they. i dont want them to stop but i dont even understand what i want instead, so i dont want to stop them. in a way it shows they care because they do care but. it feels shallow. i dont know what i want from them at all. which is probably why i want to press the self destruct button and ruin it for both of us. but thats unfair to them and thats unfair to me. so i should just talk to them about it. effective communication. 

back to step one i suppose. i need the energy to do. anything. anything at all. god d

be nice to myself. that’s hard.

[skiasurveys]

yooo

Ever felt like you were being used? I have been

Is it worth crying over a guy or a girl? I mean we all do at some time. But it depends, if that person really cares about you, or not.

Who did you last talk to on the phone for longer than 10 minutes?- Connor

Did you have any unread text messages when you woke up today? probs

Has the last person you texted ever been mad at you before? Yes.

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? Yes, my boyfriend.

Do you have a reason to smile right now? well im finally getting my life back in order  

What do you currently hear right now? me typing

Do you think you can last in a relationship for three months? Yes, and i have.

When was the last time you cried really hard? last night

Closest green object to you? Perfume.

What color are your eyes? Reddish/brown.

Do you find piercings and tattoos attractive? fuck yes.

What do you hate about your school? I graduated, but they were always disorganized, and only cared for the athletics.

Have you ever kissed a blue-eyed person? Yeah he was nasty

Do you make eye Contact when you talk to people? Yes.

Where is your phone? on my couch in the basement

If you found out your friend was smoking weed, would you be disappointed? Nope, I smoke weed sometimes lol

Would you prefer a kiss on the cheek or neck? Neckkk

Could you cry right now? no

the shirt your wearing, does anyone else have it? Im sure.

Do you get irritated easily? my pills make me irritated.

What were you doing at 4am? sleeping

Are you more of a night or morning person? Night.

When did you talk on the phone last? last night

How fast does your mood change? in like 0000.1 secs.

Are you a jealous person? yep. and i hate it.

Would you go in public looking like you do right now?yeah i could

When is the last time you saw your sister? a couple hours ago.

Do you know anyone with the same birthday as you? Yep. Walt disney!!

What are you doing this weekend? Nothing really

Are you an alcoholic? No.

Do you like to sleep? its bae.

Are you anything like the person you were last year? No, Ive completely changed.

Would you rather go to Tokyo or Paris? Paris.

Do you like Subway? YES!!!!

Last time you had a nice bubble bath? 2 weeks ago

Do you like silver or gold better? gold i guess

Was yesterday terrible? nah.

Does it make you mad when people stare at you? No, unless they're being assholes or creepy.

What was last thing you drank? coke

What are you doing tonight? studying

Can you honestly say you’re okay right now? im fine.

What were you doing at midnight yesterday? Music, Youtube, zelda.

Will tomorrow be better than today? meh, i work tmr so maybe

Do you still talk to your friends from elementary school? Like a couple of them.

Do you like dressing up? Yeah, it makes me feel happy and pretty.

Has anyone laid on your bed besides you? Yeah

How do you feel when someone kisses you on your forehead? cute

How many times have you dyed your hair? couple of times

Who was the last person you had a face to face conversation with? My sister

Have you ever walked away from someone who was yelling at you? I have sometimes

Did you kiss or hug anyone in the last 48 hours? nah. I havent been able to hug/kiss connor for like 2 weeks cus he had to move away for a bit

When you say you don’t care do you mean it? depending. if im angry and say it, then i usually care lmao.

Last person of the opposite sex you gave a hug to? Connor

Are you sitting or standing? sitting.

You’re covered in soap in the shower, when you realize you’ve got company, its a spider what do you do? Get a piece of toilet paper and smush it.

Where is your biological mother right now? at work

What time did you wake up this morning? 11 am

What are you doing tommorrow? working

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? connor

Do you like to cuddle? yes c:

Has anyone lied to you today? i dont think so

Who have you texted today? Connor and my friends

Have you ever been called beautiful? yes.

Has anyone upset you in the last week? yeah.

What’s something you do when you’re mad? I listen to music

Do you always answer your phone? sometimes

Are promises important to you? Yes thy are

Will you be up before 7AM tomorrow? No

How many people of the opposite sex do you trust? a couple

Is there alcohol in your house? yeah whiskey

How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking? pretty often actually

Have you held hands with any one in the last 36 hours? No

Is there someone you don’t ever want to be out of your life? Connor

Do you curse in front of your parents?  if i do its by accident

Where was the last place you fell asleep other than your own bed? behind my friends couch with connor

How many pillows do you sleep with? 4

Are you white? yeeeeah

Have you ever told yourself that you were going to give up on someone, but you just couldn’t do it? O yeah!!

Have you ever kissed someone over the age of 18? Yes

Was it sunny today? not rly

You got kicked out of your house, first place you’d go to? Probably Kyras

Would you ever consider dying all of your hair blue? nah

Last thing you ate? Roast beef

Do you always tell the truth to your parents? depends..

Would you ever pick gum up from the ground and eat it? ew wtf

Are you happier now than you were six months ago? meh

Has anyone taken your pants off in the past two weeks? yes

Are you wearing jewelry right now? a ring

Have you ever gotten surgery? yes

Who are you in the room with? no one

Would you hook up with the last boy you texted? yeah well were dating

What are you disappointed about? Just that connor couldnt stay here, but he will be back in months time :D

What are three things you did today? Eat, play video games and edit a youtube video

Are you taller than 5 foot 7 inches? No

Are you happy with the choices you’ve made? some of them

Are you planning to go to a movie anytime soon? not really

Have you ever jumped in a pool with all your clothes on? No

Have you ever in anyway, been betrayed by someone you trust? Yeah..

What was the first thing you thought about when you woke up? that i was really tired

Do you ever feel curious about how people see you? yeah

Are you someone who worries too often? oh god yeah

Do you trust all of your friends? yes

Have you held hands with anyone in the past week? No :(

What did your last text say? "That would make my life easier"

Why aren’t you going out with the person you like? I am

What is your favorite thing to eat with peanut butter? idk

Is there anyone who will always have a place in you’re heart? Connor