#It's so ugly and soulless... | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

vulchak · 15 days ago

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Alright I'm gonna watch the travesty that is the live action httyd. So I'm taking notes like for Lilo and Stitch, and I have the original script, and the original movie pulled up, just to be sure I'm not forgetting anything despite the original httyd being seared into my retinas since age 10

TL;DR written post-watch cause this became like 2,000 words, It's bad, it's horrendous. Pretty much everyone is slightly to horribly out of character, they're all mean and/or stupid. It's mostly the same movie, but every change is for the worse, and everything that's stayed the same is acted and directed MUCH worse.

Berk isn't their home anymore it's just some random island close to the nest, the Red Death isn't fireproof, they still fire into her mouth but there's no reason for it now unless you've seen the original, Astrid is emotionless through the whole thing, none of her anger, passion or any other emotion is here.

Toothless and the other dragons are much less intelligent. The CGI looks like a mobile game ad most of the time. Overall, not a single good thing here, don't bother watching it, let alone giving it money. Go watch the original, or read the books and ignore this fucking insult to animation and to How to train your dragon.

Right off the bat:

"This, is Berk" no the fuck it isn't, that's a moldy pride rock. It's so ugly and, small.

Oh, the sheep isn't even real. What too pussy to use a real sheep? It's a fake one attached to a bell like someone wouldn't notice a real sheep bleating or THE GIANT FUCKING DRAGON TAKING IT. I guess the point was they're keeping the sheep safe from the dragons, then why put out bait? If the dragons don't see sheep they won't attack? Probably? Man idk, it's stupid

The opening monologue too, is just. Soulless. More brief and not an ounce of sarcasm or dry humor. Y'know, a big part of Hiccup's way of speaking

Stoick so far is alright. He's not NEARLY as imposing as his animated counterpart, didn't even recognize him at first. Even with real human proportion limitations, still think they could've done more in the costuming department, at least added some height to him cause rn Hiccup is like, up to his shoulder which just feels wrong

CGI so far looks horrendous, a shot of the dragons setting fire to the village looks like a fucking mobile game ad

Hiccup going to Gobber and that whole little scene is much more clunky here. They've removed basically all the sass and jokes from the scene, from BOTH sides. "They need toothpicks don't they" and "little-er" are gone The latter probably because they knew they severely miscast Hiccup cause this guy doesn't look like the scrawny little loser Hiccup is at the beginning of movie 1

Astrid coming out from smoke instead of walking in front of an explosion is just lame and screams "we didn't have the budget"

And on Astrid, Hiccup going on about how cool she is instead of just the delivery of her name letting us know he has a thing for her, is keeping up the trend of these fuckass remakes really struggling with subtlety and visual storytelling

Alright so Hiccup is a straight up moron now

First of all they're putting WAY too much emphasis on the Astrid thing, it wasn't acknowledged at all until a couple teasing comments from the CHILDREN in the arena, NOT Gobber Second of all, the launcher thing he built. Why the fuck does he firemit twice on purpose, at his fellow vikings? In the original it was an accident, he patted it, the mechanism was too sensitive and fired and hit a viking ON ACCIDENT

All the acting is so incredibly, and I hate using the word but there's no better one I can think of, cringe. It feels like a youtube skit more than a movie

And the delivery is horrible, especially on Gobber. In the original you could tell him and Hiccup were at odds but they still liked each other, Gobber came across as a silly uncle figure, who was still protective, and only became serious when he saw Hiccup was a danger to either himself(running out into a fight he wasn't ready for) or others(accidentally knocking a guy out with his launcher) here, Gobber seems to barely stand Hiccup and Hiccup is no better towards him

Okay just don't tell us the Monstrous Nightmare sets itself on fire, alright, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THEN?? (I know because I'm me, but for general audiences it's a weird omission, if I didn't know, I'd assume it was just, accidentally on fire, not something it deliberately did) they didn't bother introducing the rest of the teens either, Hiccup calls them the fire brigade and focuses solely on Astrid, we don't learn the others names till later

The whole dragon attack is so slow and anticlimactc, and this is the last time I'm mentioning Hiccup's delivery, because it's awful. End of story, slow, over-exagerated, not an ounce of the charm and sass Jay Baruchel brought to the role

No talking fishbone rant and Hiccup imitating Stoick. 0/10

So, Berk is no longer their home. BERK IS NOT THEIR HOME. It's just, close to where a "key dragons nest" is… They're setting up for the 3rd movie where they just ditch Berk so it's not a plot hole aren't they? It just, gives so much less weight to everything. They're not defending their generational home they're just, camping out to kill dragons

This was no doubt done to explain the POC vikings, as "the best warriors from all around the world" but. They didn't need to do that. It's a fucking fantasy dragon movie, especially for the background characters, cast whoever you damn well please, you don't need an in-universe explanation that ruins the lore and significance of the main location

The great hall is also tiny and cramped now

Gobber doesn't stay to talk to Stoick, Stoick has to stop him from leaving the hall. Gobber is just an ass here. Fuck this whole movie, bury the script with some C4 and light it up

Okay they mention Valka, by name, that's a good thing, but it's the least I'd expect now that they know exactly where the story is headed

WHY IS EVERYTHING SO BRIGHTLY LIT THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST TENSE SCENES IN THE WHOLE STORY AND IT LOOKS LIKE THE GODDAMN TELETUBBIES HILL UP IN HERE

Overzealous, excited teenager "I have slain this mighty beast!" VS generic protag guy "I DID IT!"

The shot of the reveal of Toothless' open eye gives me goosebumps, every single time. The atmosphere, the score, the slow camera movement and angle. None of that is here, it's just, oh, it's open btw here he is

Okay more of every character being meaner for no reason, why did Hiccup start to leave? In the og he immediately went to cut Toothless loose. Here he has to hear a whine then go back. Jackass

And Toothless doesn't pin Hiccup because the CGI characters interacting with the live humans is expensive and hard to pull off. Also GOD he's so SLOW and just. He feels like he shouldn't be able to lift off the ground, all his speed and agility are gone, and BCAUSE of said sluggishness we linger long enough on his tail to SEE IT MISSING HALF OF THE TAIL FIN BEFORE THE ACTUAL REVEAL. FUCK THIS MOVIES' COMPOSITION AND DIRECTION IS ASS

He doesn't even faint, he doesn't even stumble he just kinda. Looks at Toothless flying away, and sighs. He doesn't look like a guy who got attacked by the scariest dragon they've never even seen, he looks like a guy who saw his car getting towed

The conversation between Stoick and Hiccup is alright I guess, just a worse clunkier version of the original with worse delivery, not much more to say

Ooookay, dragon training, dunno what "trial of flame" is, dumb, will be ignoring it. They seem to be cause they call it dragon training half the time, anyway. Banter is OK, however, "daddy pulled some strings" is such a dumb line. Second, Tuffnut sounds so whiny and him and Ruffnut being held back, 4 years, makes them 19-20. That's. A pointless, mildly weird inclusion

They act childish as ever but they're that much older than the other teens. Again, utterly pointless

"Will you stop that?! You big bag of wool." And so, insulting Fishlegs, for his weight, was absolutely necessary apparently? Isn't this supposed to be the modern progressive remake that "fixes" and "improves" aspects of the original??

As far as I remember, Fishlegs was never made fun of for his weight, not in the first move at least. I don't wanna say with certainty without checking. But in this moment he definitely wasn't, and it further makes Gobber just, a jackass in this version

So. Gobber takes Hiccup's axe, emphasizing how important a shield is. Then Hiccup has to awkwardly tap his shield with his hand to make noise while everyone else still has their weapons?? Why??

Yet again I find myself, asking WHY. Why did we need the dragon manual scene to go on for so long just so Hiccup can simp for Astrid some more? So Astrid can further emphasize how Berk isn't their home and they don't care about it? So we can learn Hiccup and Stoick's house, their home, the home they lost Valka in, the home they cherished. Is like the viking white house and if one of them isn't chief they get kicked out?? The fuck is wrong with this movie??

Unsurprisingly the scene of Hiccup reading the manual is short, lame and without a fraction of the atmosphere and creepiness of the original. It's like he's reading a damn instruction manual and skipping to the part he needs to read

Seeing the ships get attacked is pretty neat, alright that one is a plus

They put the hesitation before the nose touch back, good. But forbidden friendship just, doesn't hit the way it does in the original, it's kinda. Boring, didn't make me feel a damn thing

Okay all the "us girls gotta stick together" is so fucking annoying YOU CAN SHOW THEM BEING FRIENDS WITHOUT POINTING IT OUT WITH OVERUSED MODERN TERMS. Show don't tell, dammit

Gothi standing there moving beads is also stupid and pointless, and her design isn't nowhere near as charming as the original(design being casting and costume)

Exchanging dragon nip for dandelions is also stupid

"Who's a good boy??" Ah so Toothless is in fact, a dog now. Good to fucking know. He seems so much less intelligent here as a whole

Test flight is just bad, bad camera work, bad cgi, bad everything. And no Toothless accidentally running Hiccup through fire in the end. Why remove it it was such a fun little gag

If I don't directly mention a scene, assume it's the same, but worse. That's how a majority of them are, same script with minor alterations and worse acting and animation I just don't have anything to say on those

Not faulting Nico Parker, she's doing the best with what she's got, but what she's got is a bad script and bad direction. Because Astrid seems so cold, and emotionless. Seeing the Red Death and saying "what is that" wtih a complteltly nerutral expression, she sounds like she's asking about an ugly shirt her friend is wearing

Also how do you manage to make the northern lights ugly? How is that possible? Beautiful blues teams and purples vs puke green

"Don't get inloved, my dad respects you too much" VS "make sure they don't find Toothless" So this Hiccup cares more about Astrid's reputation, not her, her REPUTATION, than he does about Toothless' life. Got it. SIMP. FAILTHY FUCKING SIMP What have they done to my boy.

Okay there was one neat shot of Hiccup's hand matching Toothless' paw when they're trying to climb up

"ASTRID GET BACK HERE. THAT'S AN ORDER." So, he's concerned about flaunting power and being right, not just, getting a kid out of danger. He's upset they're not listening to him, not that they could get hurt

Fight between Toothless and Hookfang is extended and I guess it's decently cool, but that, and the longer fight between Toothless and Stoick, just makes everything slower and more anticlimactic. The original was quick and snappy, this is just "we're filling time"

"You're not one of us. You're not my son." Cannot BEGIN to compare to "You're not a viking. You're not my son." Seriously the delivery, the line itself, hits nowhere as hard. I guess bringing up Valka is alright but feels a bit forced ngl

WHY DOES TOOTHLESS HAVE A FUCKING AMERICAN FOOTBALL CROTCH GUARD ON HIS FACE LMAO WHAT IS THAT

Alright final battle, mostly the same but worse, HOWEVER, The occupational hazard line was removed, this one and the setup for it earlier

And Stoick, doesn't say "I'm sorry" nor does he tell Hiccup he doesn't have to go. No no he says he was "just trying to protect him" and that whatever happens up there he's proud. He doesn't apologize, he doesn't take accountability for being wrong

They got rid of "not fireproof on the inside" with the terrible terrors, and therefore, no explanation as to how or why Hiccup decided to fire inside the Red Death's mouth. Especially considering SHE'S NOT FIREPROOF. THEY BLEW HOLES IN HER WINGS AND FLEW THROUGH THEM FOR A COOL VISUAL, COMPLETELY FUCKING RUINING THEIR WHOLE LORE

(EDIT) I was mistaken, someone pointed this out and I went back to rewatch. In the original they blow holes in her wings too, but there it's much more subtle and it's small holes that get torn apart by wind instead, in the remake they just blow massive firey holes in her wings

Stoick apologizing and waiting to see Hiccup alive is alright, but they really should've kept it a father son moment, Astrid doesn't need to be there. Also, just he's alive. No "you brought him back alive" he still thanks Toothless later but that line was a nice acknowledgement to what he did

Well, the rest of it, is just the same, but worse. They acknowledge that Stoick and the others rode back on dragons, I guess that makes sense, it's alright

Snotlout has a non-subplot with his dad which was done much better in the show, not much else to say on that

And that was it. The live action How to train your dragon remake. In a word. Soulless. The same but worse. What they do change is for the worse, not a single person aside from Gerard Butler was cast appropriately, nor designed as far as costuming goes, they bend over backwards justifying the changes they've made and the movie is much worse for it

Every single character is also, meaner for some reason. Only Fishlegs is about the same but more whiny somehow. It's just. Bad, no other way to say it, it's bad. Gobber is the worst offender, he's an asshole to Hiccup, to the other kids, everyone. Hiccup is also so unlikeable and a genetic protagonist with bad delivery. By the end I couldn't give less of a shit if he made it or not cause he was annoying more than anything

Toothless is significantly less intelligent, agile and cool than in the original. Same goes for all the dragons honestly. Trash heap with bad cgi, bad acting and a bad script. I'll be happy when it's forgotten. And I hope the sequel gets canceled, but general audiences will make this at least an 800mil movie so that probably won't happen

#Httyd #Httyd 2025 #Httyd live action #httyd live action criticism #httyd live action spoilers #Httyd live action salt #How to train your dragon #Anyone who goes to see this thing in a theater and pays for it immediately loses my respect #Vote with your wallets for real this time #These shitfuck remakes need to end

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angelqueef · 1 month ago

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metal and pine, ch. 1 | knight!jason todd x princess!reader

a/n: my fault y’all i took a mini break, my motivation and creativity actually got clipped😭. this was intended to be a fluffy drabble but turned into a slow burn angst situation, which i said i’d never write but here we are. definitely turning this into a series!!

cw: medieval time period, inaccurate language used, toxic parental relationship, crying, slow burn, banter, angst, jason and reader in denial, jason being mean (what’s new), mutual pining (eventually), proofreading as we speak

you’re sitting on slate, soles pressing down firmly to keep you from falling. you’re used to this—the roof is your escape, your hiding place from all things royal.

you had gotten into yet another fight with your father about your betrothal. four years have past since you came of age and you rejected every prince and duke in the world that had come to pursue you, much to the king and court’s dismay.

“i don’t understand how i raised you to be so selfish! i give my life for you to have every luxury—and this is how you thank me? rejecting the last man who sailed the ocean for weeks at the prospect of seeing you?! your mother may have taught you differently, but know this. marriage is merely a transaction. i don’t care if you don’t love him. this is your duty and you must abide. if i’m not promised an heir in the coming seasons, your time here as princess, as my daughter, will end.”

his words stung your ears. were you really selfish for not wanting to marry a man who knew nothing of you? who didn’t even have the gall to try? many of your dates ended with slaps—angry reactions to ugly words—or kisses so soulless that your tongue felt heavy and numb in your mouth. fear made your blood run cold at the thought of being thrown out of a world you didn’t ask to be in, much less by your own father.

even in fear, you’re single, happily. and as much as the word love rings sweetly in your ears, freedom rings sweeter. you could never give yourself to a stranger, no matter how much security it would bring to you and your legacy.

still, you know your role in the kingdom more than anyone. you know the responsibility of mending tensions between your land and others falls on you. you know that you can’t roam your castle halls forever, not anymore.

you know that some nights you lay awake and stare at the empty pillow next to yours, imagining the mattress dipping with someone else’s weight, a lover’s arm heavy and warm on your torso.

your forehead is hot and pulsing against your arm as you fold into yourself, tears falling on your gown. you hear a cling of metal echo in the tower above you.

you lift your head to see your knight place his helmet on the floor and lean over the balcony, dagger and apple in hand.

he knows you’re there. that watchtower hasn’t been used in years, not since the great war from a decade earlier.

you look forward into the dense forest, annoyed that you’ve been caught. your sacred hiding spot has been exposed to the man that always seems to loom over you.

“sir jason,” you greet, voice thick with tears and sour with irritation.

“your highness. ever the keen eye.”

“how did you find me this time?”

“you’re not a quiet crier.”

you scoff. if jason was anything, he was honest. blunt.

“you’re not a quiet knight.”

“touché,” he smiles a crooked smile, cutting a piece of apple clean with his dagger and thumbing it into his mouth. he chews. “you go to war with the king again?”

“wouldn’t you like to know?”

“no, not really.”

“then why are you here?”

it’s always like this with him. he lingers. no matter what, no matter where you are, he’s there. even when he leaves you be, his earthy scent wafts under your nose. he bothers you.

his blue eyes seem to glow in the dark as they meet yours, “just doin’ my job.”

you hold his gaze, “well, i’m fine. you can leave now.”

“don’t sound fine.”

you groan as hands drag down your wet face. isn’t he your servant? can’t he get in trouble for this?

“you’re pestering me. it’s nearly three past. go to sleep, that’s an order.”

“not tired,” god, he has a retort for everything. you watch as he hops up on the ledge, his dense form squatting like the gargoyles that line the castle walls. the sight almost makes you laugh. he climbs down the stone bricks and sits next to you, armor clinging quietly like morning bells.

he cuts another apple slice and places it in your hand, folding your fingers over the fruit like it’s meant to be secret. his thumb stays pressed on your fingers longer than it should. you twitch.

you’ve become more and more aware of his lasting touches: a weighted hand on your shoulder, a knee knocking yours, fingers caging your waist and “stabilizing” you on your horse that you can ride perfectly fine on your own. you brush it all off. there’s no way he means anything by it.

“i have to get married soon.”

jason cocks his head towards you, “and that’s making you cry, because?”

“because—because what does it even mean? my mother always told me that i should love the person i marry, now my father’s telling me the opposite—that marriage is my duty and i have no choice in the matter. i only remember her in her unhappiness. maybe mother was trying to warn me. maybe that’s why she’s gone,” your voice breaks. you don’t mention the part where you’ll be banished by year’s end if you’re still unmarried. you can’t. it would make the threat too real.

he listens, studying you intently as you ramble. something tugs at his heart and he rids it as quickly as it comes.

teary eyes look at him and then look away, “i don’t even know why i’m telling you this. you never help.”

he shrugs, “sometimes love is learned.”

“always the contrarian.”

he leans back on his palms, “i’m serious. you may not love the person you marry, but you could learn to.”

“that doesn’t sound ideal.”

“oh well,” he huffs, “you can’t say i didn’t try.”

a soft giggle rips from you, you turn to him once more. you take a chance probe him.

“have you ever been in love, jason?” you ask, barely above a whisper.

jason’s breath hitches, you don’t catch it. he doesn’t either. he swallows.

“no.”

you watch his jaw clench and unclench as he makes jagged stabs in the crisp flesh of the apple. he seems to be hiding something. you’ll play along.

“me neither. maybe we’re misunderstanding the word. how can we speak on something we haven’t felt?”

“you have a point there,” jason’s tone shifts, laced with hushed frustration. he looks at you. he’s staring, trying to understand why you’ve suddenly made him so upset.

you’re the woman he’s supposed to protect. his job. sure, you’re more than acquaintances, but he knows his rank. and what’s more is he knows where you’ll end up: in an embellished carriage with some pretty duke, riding to a new, bigger palace where you’ll be fat and happy. a life you deserve.

so why is his heart sinking so fast and far down his body?

the air is thicker than wool, and your eyes are still locked on his.

“be honest with me.”

“i always am, your highness.”

“it’s me isn’t it? i’m the reason why i’m not in love. why i’m so lonely.”

jason blinks. to hear you talk about yourself like this, it enrages him—and he’s confused now more than ever. he never gets offended when you make fun of his hair, he doesn’t care when you trip him and make him fall in the fountain, he barely cares when you ramble about how much you hate your hair when it’s wind blown.

but with this, he wants to yell at you, correct you, tell you something, anything. but he doesn’t know what he could say, what would make it better. so for the first time in his life, he lies to you.

“yes.”

“excuse me?” you’re appalled—not the answer you expected at all.

his next words whip in front of you like a shield, “you’re annoying. you always think you’re right. you never let people in. even in your rank, you complain about everything. you do nothing to change this life you claim to hate.”

he doesn’t know why he’s saying all this— why he’s hurting you. he knows how complicated your life can be. but it’s curbing whatever storm has started to brew in his chest, he keeps going.

“you’re stubborn. i always have to run after you when you sneak out. i always have to make sure you don’t die. do you know how tiring that is?”

you barely wait for him to finish.

“leave.”

“what? but you said-,”

“leave.”

you don’t dare look at him. the one person who you thought would be on your side—a listening ear, a shoulder to lean on—had just insulted in the greatest possible way. you feel more abandoned and alone than ever. he validated every fear, every blame you put on yourself.

you’re not sure why it means so much, men have called you worse. your own father has called you worse. whatever your knight teases you with usually would roll off your shoulders. you’re a princess. a confident, unshakable one at that. but here you are, lips wobbling and salty water pricking your puffy eyes.

jason turns to you, heart thrumming in his chest, a hummingbird against a cage. his stomach turns with guilt at the sight of you.

“i’m s-,” his throat clears, he couldn’t make this better if he tried. “yes, your highness.”

he stands, bowing. you still don’t look at him.

when you do finally turn your head, you know your knight is gone. but half of you still expected him to be there. to hang around, like he always does. you sob, hugging yourself tighter than ever.

angry, you throw the apple that turned warm and sticky in your hand. and though your nose is stuffed full with mucus and tears, you still smell him.

metal and pine.

#jason todd x reader #jason todd #knight!jason todd #dc universe #dc comics #dcu #batman #x black reader #jason todd angst #slow burn #red hood #red hood x reader #jason todd x you

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