#OKAY I KNEW. LOGICALLY SPEAKING. THAT THAT WAS PROBABLY THE CASE CONSIDERING

[mangocurist]

wait sorry . flames killed zam fhe most of any player on the server?????????

[k-aemi]

Your writing is SO FIRE please keep up the amazing work I love it!

I was thinking about younger brother! Ness and his sickly sweet infatuation with his older sister he just can’t get enough of her!! He gets so worked up that he sneaks into her room and uses her while she’s asleep!!

ness alexis ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ i dont care, this is love.

smut, somno, accidental creampie, in/stepcest, view it however you like.

he knows its wrong. its sick of him to even think of you like that. a love so different but its not his fault! its yours! youre always so sweet to him when his other siblings werent.

as a family full of scientists, its always based on logic and reasoning. ness wasnt like that, hes just a kid full of imagination and impossibilities. his siblings treated him like a joke, even his parents. but not you, you always told him to believe what he wanted to, he feels so loved by you.

as the oldest sister you always want to make your siblings are happy, even if it meant falling into their little delusions, which in this case, only ness. and thats probably the mistake you made, you should of just snapped him out of it. but even if you tried, it wouldnt have worked.

"magic isnt real dummy." his sister exclaimed. "get that through your thick skull!" looking at ness with disgust as he could just only stand there, holding the arms of his toy. he was a boy full of wonder and all his siblings can do was just insult him for believing in such a stupid thing.

you sighed, hearing the conversation of your siblings squabbles. you just wanted them to get along even if they were a bit different, he still is the youngest brother. you place down your test tube in the holder, putting your hands inside your coat before walking towards ness, who has his head down, tightly gripping the toy.

bending down to his level, you cup his cheeks and face him to you. his face full of dirt and bruises from always playing outside, testing out some sort of magic he always believed in. "dont listen to them alexis. just believe what you want okay? you wanna believe in the impossible, then you do it!" you smiled at him while ruffling his hair.

he lets out little grunts as you do, grabbing a little cloth to brush the dirt off his face. "clean up yourself too alex." you chuckled before going back to your station. you were the only one who let him live the childhood you werent able to live, you were forced to put on the weight as scientists, its a gift really, but could be tiring when you were constantly running tests.

"give me your strength! i summon!" ness chants outside with a snowman. a summoning circle surrounding it with ness chanting a spell of some sort. you could hear him from the inside of the house and you worried your family would of gotten annoyed.

the brother coming out to see what was with the commotion. only to see his disappointment of a brother doing his stupid magic. "shut up stupid alexis! we cant focus on our experiments!" taking the wand(stick) out of his hand, snapping it into two. the sister scoffs in annoyance before kicking the snowman down. "stupid good for nothing! how many times have we told you to stop talking about magic!" stomping on the destroyed snowman.

it didnt help when his parents walked by, seeing ness practicing his foolish magic. they can only ignore him, seeing him only as a failure of the familys talent. the father speaks in a cold tone, not taking a second to gaze at the boy. "people who believe in the impossible, are not accepted in this house." was the last words ness heard before his vision becomes blurry. tears drip down to his cheeks as he wails, the snow falling onto him.

coming out to see the crying figure of ness, you can only sigh, you knew it was foolish of ness to believe in, but hes your little brother, theyre bound to believe in stuff like that. at least your family should consider that part.

hes fallen to his knees as his cries echoes through the air. you walk up to him, patting his back in comfort. he jolts from the sudden touch but he can only cry more, jump into your arms, his tears wetting your coat. "s'alright alexis. theyre just saying nonsense." kissing the top of his head as he sniffles away. hes a crying mess right now but your comfort brought him a safe space.

"l-love you s'much sis...youre the only one whos nice to me." hed sniffle in between those words. your heart aches, it really was hard for you to see your family so harsh on ness when hes just a little boy. rubbinng his back as you wipe his tears with your thumbs. "i love you too alexis. dont worry, your sister is here."

as he got older, he was able to make income more than his family. you were already 25 and youre here still living with your parents...its embarrassing really, ness already had his own place and youre here struggling to even make a cent. but ness would let you live with him! just so you wouldnt feel as embarrassed and because he prefers your company.

of course you would move in with him, hes your sweet little brother you took care of and it wouldnt hurt to live with him in his new rich looking apartment....two bedrooms and one bathroom which was perfect!

ness really loves you, but not in the sense of siblings. he really thinks if someone were to believe in him through the impossible it would have to be his soulmate, no matter what, love will always find its way around. and its you! youre the one who believed in his silly delusions. or thats what he saw it as.

"thank you alexis, really you didnt have to let me in!" you hug him putting your suitcase to the side. he can only hug you so tight, inhaling the scent of your perfume. "mhm. its the least i can do for you." ness wants to touch you so bad, he learns thats what lovers do, but he knows you dont love him back like how he does. how? well your boyfriend. his stupid name that goes...agh forget it hes too mad to remember.

youre always busy and ness is too, so he doesnt cross paths with you often which makes him sad. since hes super busy on football he always gets back home late when youre asleep. you get up 4am sharp so its not unusual for you to be sleeping so soon. it gets tiring to be playing, so frustrating when kaiser gets mad at him.

it frustrates him how kaiser abandoned him and he cant help but just cling onto him. maybe seeing you will help him calm him down. maybe smelling your sweet scent will calm him down. maybe touching you will calm him down. no he must not! he wont touch his sister while sleeping. its so wrong but so exciting.

entering in your room, hes met with your sleeping figure. he knew you were never the type to wear pants when you slept, so underwear was a must for you, it was just more comfortable that way. it was fortunate enough for ness because he loved the way your panties hugged your ass, revealing that plumpness of your flesh.

he creeps onto the bed, hearing your soft breathing as you shuffled around. he cant help but feel this excitement inside of him. youre sleeping, so he can explore each and every inch of your body like how he always dreamed of doing. he swallows his built up saliva, trailing his eyes down to your panties. his hand hesitates, reconsidering should he do this..? but he was stressed, maybe youd let him. yeah you wont mind huh?

he grabs the flesh of your ass and its so soft, it feels like dough in his hand. he smirks to himself before spreading your legs apart. your pussy is right in front of him and he could do anything right now. he leans down to your covered pussy and inhales the scent that fills his nose. holy shit he could smell this forever. his nose touching your panties, his eyes roll to the back of his head from the intoxicating smell.

"sis...youre fine with this right..?" he asks, but hes already taking your panties off slowly, ensuring you wouldnt wake up. your body shuddered from the sudden cold air that hits your clit. he loves the way your pussy glistened under the light, it was so beautiful, maybe this moment was supposed to happen.

"s-shit...you...you wouldnt leave me for him right...? i know you love me more." he palms his shaft in his pants, shifting it in positioned, but he doesnt think he can contain it anymore. messily unbuckling and unzipping his pants in a eager attitude, he brings his cock to life.

"im gonna rub it first okay..?" he rests his hand on both sides of your head, positioning his cock inn between the slit. he slides his length in between the folds and holy youre so warm....its like he can indulge in this forever. you let out little groans in your sleep, shifting in your sleep a bit. "you feel it too dont you..?" he has a twisted smile to his face.

he fasten his pace a bit as he hears the little moans that elicit from your mouth, it was like you were encouraging him to keep going. and of course he would. maybe you were even asking him to put it in in your sleep.

"you want me to put it in...? yeah?" he sits back up, seeing the way his cock was coated in your slick and it made him bite his lip till blood drew out. he grabs hold of his cock before positioning it to where your hole is. he actually has no idea where it is.

"ah..here..?" he tilts his head before trying to push in, but his cock slips right back up. he groans in frustration, hes never done this before, cut him some slack!

"fuck where is it..?!" he would whisper with a frustrated tone until he suddenly slipped it inside you and his body jolts from the sudden wave of pleasure that hits him. this time a bit louder moan fell from your tongue and ness grips onto the bed sheet. the way you squeeze him makes it hard for him to move.

"sis...fuck you feel so good." he involuntarily starts his thrusting, a soft phwap can be heard as your wet pussy echoed around the room. he cant slow down or stop now, hes claimed you. your stupid boyfriend probably fucked you before but hell shape your cunt into his cock. so that it only remembers him.

he lets out ragged breath as he laid his elbows on the sides of your head. sweat emitting from his forehead as he continues his erratic thrusting. the bed creaks and hes scared youll wake up. but youll forgive him wont you? he loved the way your pussy hair would tickle him when he made contact with you. it was everything he wanted.

"sis...fuck i cant stop. you feel too good." his thrusts becomes sloppy and his face is fucked out. drool falls onto the sheet creating a wet patch underneath. hes never felt something like this before, maybe this was the magic he so yearned to see. even after so long, its worth it, the magic he believed in when he was a kid.

he feels his cock twitch in your gummy walls and he feels like hes close, but he cant stop, you feel too good he wants to be inside of you forever. youll keep him safe and warm. "i love you sis..." he exhaled out before he let outs a whimper, halting his movements. he came inside of you, he couldnt pull out. hes not even sure if youre on any pills but youre a scientist youll figure something out. plus he meant to pull out, its not his fault! but...if this is how he can claim you then so be it.

he starts to panic when you groan, opening your eyes to try and make out the blurry person above you. you feel hot and sticky. "h-huh..?" but ness shushed you. "shh, its nothing...just go back to sleep sis...youre tired."

sorry i didnt post yesterday so i will try to post as much!!! :D hope u enjoy this one hehe

[walkawaytall]

For the Fanfic Ask Game

F: Share a snippet from one of your favourite dialogue scenes you've written and explain why you're proud of it.

I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

I'm flipping the order so I can use a cut because the "snippet" I chose is longer than it probably should be :D

I: I like to say I gave up on guilty pleasures years ago -- I just like what I like; no reason to be embarrassed about it. But...okay, I like a good piece of fluff sometimes. But writing fluff feels almost painful to me because I do feel somewhat embarrassed about the earnestness of it. I hate that about myself. But writing All the Voices took every ounce of fortitude I had. I can write emotionally devastating things all day without batting an eye, but earnest fluff is something that I'd like to write more of, but I end up feeling some uncomfortable doing :D.

F: This was hard! In part because I really like writing dialogue a lot and I like a lot of what I've written. The below exchange from chapter four of Purpose of Heritage is one that I really like. They're all in an absurd situation (they're all like 80% sure that Leia did not, in fact, get bitten by a venomous bug, but they're not 100% sure and the medical droid on duty has told them she'll just have to wait and see because there's no antidote), I think it's pretty in-character for everyone -- Leia's trying to hold it together and go about things logically, but still ends up slightly unhinged, Luke simply does not want to spend more than half a second considering that Leia might be essentially just waiting for death by bug neurotoxin, and Han is attempting to use distraction and humor to rectify a situation he technically caused since he was the one who got Leia and Luke all worked up and worried in the first place. And I think some of it's funny, which is my favorite thing to be :D. (Snippet's below the cut.)

Thanks for asking!

Fanfic Ask Game

Leia closed her eyes and groaned. “I cannot believe I might be dying of assassin bug neurotoxin as we speak and this is the conversation we’re having.”

Luke patted her shoulder. “You’re not dying.”

“You don’t know that.” Leia heard the tremor in her own voice and cringed. She knew she wasn’t dying. Probably. As long as none of the dozen blistering spots on her legs were actually a kouhun sting.

Still…Just in case…She looked at Luke. “Will you make sure Evaan gets my mother’s necklace? The one I wore at the medal ceremony. She’s Alderaanian and she knew her. She’ll appreciate it. And if—“

“I don’t want to talk like this,” Luke interrupted. He looked from Leia to Han back to Leia again, obviously bewildered.

“Neither do I, but if there’s a chance…” She trailed off, not really wanting to finish the thought. She looked at Han. “You can have my vibroblade.”

“The one I loaned you?”

She laughed despite herself and nodded. “See? You’re getting it back.”

The group was quiet for more than a few minutes. Leia covered her face with shaking hands, mildly embarrassed by how dramatic the entire situation had become. Han tapped her knee until she dropped her hands to her lap and looked at him. “Look, you can’t die.”

“I appreciate the vote of confidence, Han, but I think I��m roughly as mortal as every other human on base.”

He looked her in the eye and shot her a half grin, clearly trying to calm the panic that he’d caused in the first place. “I’m sayin’ you can’t die like this. You survived the Death Star, five days of interrogation from Darth Vader himself, genocide, Luke’s entire rescue plan, and now you’re gonna be taken out by a bug? That’s just embarrassing. You can do better. In fact, I think you’re obligated to do better.”

Leia chuckled, desperately trying to ignore the worry lodged in her gut.

“My plan was not that bad,” Luke muttered, more to himself than anyone else. Leia linked her arm through his in solidarity despite the fact that they both knew his plan had been careless at best.

[psiimaid]

okay so first time visiting on desk top and can i just say <3<3<3 ship cursor. anyway onto what icame to ask: do you think doc made mai do punitive academic work? what do you think her literacy level is? im imagining her having to write out words a bunch of times or lookup definitions and write them untill a 'perfect' replication. vicious spelling tests.

OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY buzzing and rubbing my hands together like a fly

under the cut bc while it’s not incredibly lengthy it might be annoying to scroll past

that’s something i think about a lot, and even more so in recent days so this is like. perfect. the ancestors fans hivemind is real

anyways little mai’s case is. strange. but the most analogous situations to a childhood spent growing up on the moon + not being around anyone Like Her + being locked in a room + abused and deprived of care do not typically yield. someone useful for what lord english/doc scratch need. however mai seems very intellectually developed! which means doc scratch is. doing something for her.

scratch said his lessons emphasized obedience, mastery of the clockwork majyyks, and (of course) being locked in a room. but these lessons (aside from the locked in the room part obvi) would have been the only socialization little mai ever got, and there is no world for her to explore and learn about through experience so literally almost everything about anything that she knew would’ve had to have been taught to her by scratch. so those lessons probably included a bunch of other stuff as well

okay sorry i think i started a little far off my b >.< but to answer your first question: yeah sure! it would be a good chance to stretch her brain muscles while also being unfun. seems very on brand

only communicating (or being talked at by, there doesn’t seem to be much real communication between the two) with doc scratch probably lends her a nicely well rounded vocabulary in that tongue, or at least a knack for deciphering meaning from context clues. i’ve most likely said this somewhere before but i tend to think mai had trouble learning to speak but that’s only tangentially related lol!!

as for literacy. i guess the question is what language? probably the one doc scratch speaks but what language IS that lol. like everyone in hs speaks english despite there apparently being an alternian language? urghh anyway considering mai’s job takes her everywhere and everywhen, realistically literacy probably. doesn’t help with her work. but neither does doc scratch’s language so. maybe she is literate and doc scratch sometimes lets her read any books that might be in the apartment?

homestuck logic probably says different and that’s fair tbh ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i can’t say i have a real opinion on her literacy level. if she can read and write, it’s probably not her strong suit? if she can’t, cool. she’s jared, 1900, never learned how to read. literacy, while helpful, isn’t necessary for the aforementioned intellectual development. but it would be really, really helpful since, again, there’s no way for her to learn things through experience. but then again if there’s nothing/very little for her to read.. the spiral

re: work her role doesn’t require strategic manipulation or a delicate touch (that’s doc scratch) so how much would really benefit her jobwise beyond those obedience and majyyks lessons ?? that’s why they were emphasized ig..?

but mai did have an ENTIRE childhood so i’d say anything is fair game!! there’s a lot to think about when trying to reconcile an at least mostly normally developed girl with her being raised in a very small world that would grow stale quickly, especially without anything new/stimulating. there must have been SOME enrichment in her enclosure and your ideas are a fun way to go about that!! pls don’t let anything i’ve said here make you think otherwise lol bc the things you mentioned are the Worst in a very mundane way that fit extremely well into what we already know

cutting myself off here ✌️ tysm for sharing!!!!

[eirikaanemo]

Venti's crush is a sister in the Church of Favonius. That's the entire prompt. Okay, she may have overheard Venti when he asked for the Holy Lyre and maaaaybe she gave it to him (in the name of freedom!), but she probably wouldn't be a sister after that.

Venti x GN!Reader

1.7k Words

Warnings: Eviction? Kinda?

Notes: So, halfway through I remembered "Sister" is a gendered term, so I switched it to "Disciple". Hopefully that still works!

Part 2: His Fight

His Lyre

He first caught your attention while he was doing a street performance. You were walking down the street, minding your own business, when you heard a melody so beautiful that you swore it had to be Barbatos himself. Following your curiosity, you found him performing a ballad for a group of children. His clear tenor painted looks of wonder on their faces as he regaled them with tales of Vanessa and the revolution of freedom.

You couldn’t help but stop to watch as well. He had captivated you as much as he had the children and you didn’t regret a thing. After Vanessa’s tale he sang of the fall of the storm god, the rise of Barbatos, the shaping of the lands, and the rise of Mondstadt. Every song seemed almost more amazing than the last.

It was getting close to evening by the time you were able to free yourself from his spell. Or rather, he stopped casting it. His last few notes rang out and faded into the darkness. You almost didn’t dare to breathe in fear of breaking the serene silence that overtook the scene. Then his eyes opened.

This was your first real chance to get a good look at them as he was usually facing just slightly away from you. Everyone else had gone home, so as he scanned the area, his eyes fell on you. And suddenly all you could see was his eyes. They’re beautiful, you thought to yourself, a hint of blush warming your cheeks.

His braids swayed a bit as he tilted his head curiously and a smile flashed across his lips. “It’s not often I see a Disciple here, tell me, did you like what there was to hear?”

“I did,” you confirmed. “I’m very impressed! It was almost like I was listening to Barbatos himself!”

He looked stunned for a moment, then an odd look crossed his face before he quickly covered it up with a broad smile. “Thanks! I appreciate the sentiment! That’s really quite the compliment.”

You were able to spend the next little while chatting before you had to go, but similar scenes occurred fairly often as time went on. About the tenth time or so he decided that you were friends, which you had no objection to. Though there was always a small twinge in your heart whenever he called you that for some reason.

Along with becoming friends, you started to notice some things. His songs are… very detailed in a way that makes them line up with records that rarely see the light of day. While you do your best to share Barbatos’ gospel of freedom with everyone, some records are just too fragile to be available to the general public. So the Disciples, like you, memorize them and tell them to the worshipers who come to the Cathedral.

However, either on purpose or by accident, most of the time Disciples will mix up little details or paraphrase things or skip over sections in a way that can confuse the story some. But Venti’s songs match every detail shown in the records, and more. You had checked multiple times and it always came out the same way. He was one hundred percent correct, in every song he played.

Then there was his hair. You’d never seen anyone with their hair being tinted at the ends like that. And you couldn’t find the hair dye he used either. And oh boy had you looked. You wanted teal in your hair too dang it! And when you finally asked him where he got it he laughed and said it was natural. How is that fair?

And then there are the times where he just didn’t act quite human. Like forgetting to eat all day without realizing it. Or referring to other people as “humans”, as if he, himself, isn’t human. Or how he only ever wears one outfit. Or the way anemo energy seems to flow through him instead of around him. You wouldn’t even have noticed that last one if it wasn’t for the fact that you are hypersensitive to it due to how you use your anemo vision. From all of that, and more, you can just tell that something isn’t quite what it seems about him.

So when you’re cleaning the cathedral in the back and hear him out himself as Barbatos to Sister Gotelinde something just clicked. Oh, of course he was Barbatos. What else could he possibly be? Too much added up for it to not make sense! Unfortunately by the time you were done reeling from shock Sister Gotelinde had sent him right out the door.

You had caught enough of the conversation, though, that you knew that Venti- no, Barbatos had need of his lyre. So you came up with a plan. This was going to get you in so, so much trouble. But this is what needed to be done. You need to get him his lyre.

It was surprisingly easy to swipe the lyre from its pedestal and avoid the other inhabitants of the Cathedral by taking back passageways. You had almost made it out, you were so close when you suddenly ran into someone.

Holding a hand to the point of impact starting to swell on your forehead, you squint over towards the other group. When your brain registers that you just ran into Venti you gasp and scramble to your feet, still holding the holy lyre to your chest. “Oh my goodness, I’m so, so sorry Venti,” you apologize. “Or, uh, would you prefer I call you Barbatos?”

Your friend blinks once, then twice, dumbstruck by the situation. “Venti is fine,” he scrambles to assure you after a few moments. “How did you know?”

“You weren’t exactly the quietest when speaking with Sister Gotelinde, Venti. And I was cleaning just out of sight. It made a lot more sense than some other explanations for your weird behavior that I’d come up with.” You admit sheepishly. “And I believe this is yours.”

His face lit up as you held the holy lyre out towards him. “The Lyre de Himmel! Thank you so much! See that, Traveler? We didn’t even have to steal it! I promise to do my best to take care of it.” You quirk an eyebrow as the Traveler finishes shaking off the effects of running into you.

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that, and you better.” you tell him pointedly, causing him to giggle nervously. “Besides, the two of you need to go! I… didn’t exactly tell anyone about this. Good luck with Dvalin, Venti, Traveler. May Barbatos be with you!” You called out the last part out of habit.

Moments later you felt a hand clap onto your shoulder. “Dear,” Sister Gotelinde drawled slightly. “Please tell me you didn’t hand our sacred treasure over to that alcoholic bard.” You’re silent for a moment before years of being at the Cathedral won over your common sense. “You know I can’t do that, Sister.”

She sighs from her position behind you and her hand tightens on your shoulder. “I’m sure I don’t need to tell you how much trouble you’re in, especially if it doesn’t come back in one piece.” You gulp.

“Yes, Sister Gotelinde.” You murmur.

“Good, now get back to cleaning.” She instructs you curtly.

Nodding, you turn and walk past her towards where you were cleaning. She continued on, likely going to report the situation to Sister Barbara. You really hope that Venti keeps his promise.

While you try your best to put the situation out of your mind, your thoughts keep drifting back to it the whole next day. The nightmare you’d had that night hadn’t helped either. It had been a morbid scene, a broken lyre on the ground with an equally broken Venti as a triumphant Stormterror screeched over their still forms. You’d woken up sweaty.

Logically you knew that Barbatos- no, Venti wouldn’t fall to Stormterror. But the scene still wouldn’t go away. And neither did the awkward feeling that accompanied your usual duties as a disciple. Some of your regular duties were suddenly almost… laughable? You now knew that Barbatos didn’t care about a good chunk of what you did in the Cathedral that some considered absolutely essential.

Your attitude didn’t help your position though, not with everyone now knowing what you did and watching you closely. The day is long and you feel trapped every second of it. Then Venti returns victorious with a broken lyre and everything crumbles around you. You’re kicked out, banned for life, right after him, with a suitcase of your stuff chucked out after you. Even though he ‘fixed it’.

Part of you wants to just lay there and regret your life choices; but you can’t help but smile when Venti reaches a hand out to lift you up, laughing about the irony of the situation. A small smile manages to reach your face as Jean starts chuckling too.

“Don’t worry too much, I know you’ve done a great good for Mondstadt.” She reassures you. “I know you have a vision, an anemo vision at that.” She gives Venti a pointed look. “How would you like to become a knight?”

Your smile grows into something a little more natural. “I’d like that, thank you Jean.”

“It’s no problem, really the least I could do. I’m sorry it had to end like this. Now, come to my office when you have a moment so we can formalize it. But for now I need to go and formally close the Stormterror case.” With a sigh she walked past you towards the knights headquarters and the inevitable paperwork which awaits her.

“I’m sorry that you got kicked out,” Venti apologizes once Jean’s out of sight. “All you did was help and you got in trouble for it.”

“It’s alright, Venti,” you try to claim. “It was kind of awkward knowing that you are Barbatos anyway.”

“Still,” he pressed. “You put everything on the line for me and I really appreciate it. I’m really sorry I didn’t follow through. I’ll have to make it up to you. And I know just where to start.”

His kiss to your cheek was quick but sent a warmth blooming across your face, contrasting with the coolness of his lips.

“Of course,” you mumble, embarrassed. “It was your lyre anyway.”

“It was,” he agreed. “But you believed me. And that really does mean a lot to me. Thank you, really.”

[maybe-theres-hope]

Those Four Words

So yeah I JUST finished Desperate Measures and I literally had to get this out before I could sleep. 

5.03 Coda | 1.6k | Summary: How I would love to see them get their shit together. Title from the episode, referring to Eddie saying “We need to talk” because YES YOU FUCKING DO. *puts on clown nose*

Buck finds Eddie sulking on the bench in the locker room. Because this was becoming a pretty common occurrence as of late, he takes it on himself to do the best friend thing he always does, and walks in to sit beside him. 

The fact that Eddie doesn’t automatically look up at him with annoyance--like he has most of the time Buck has done this in the past few weeks, when they both know what the conversation is going to sound like--is unsettling but not off-putting.

“Hey,” is his opener. Quiet and courteous of Eddie’s obvious pain. Buck’s good at this best friend thing. Had a lot of practice lately.

He gets nothing in reply for long, long moments. He waits it out. Eddie’s a closed-off guy at the best of times, but when he’s hurting, it’s like a steel wall is up between him and the world. Buck’s taken a sledgehammer to that wall a few times and it hasn’t ended pretty. Lately he’s been just simply knocking at it, hoping the man on the other side can hear that he’s not alone. That’s all he can do. 

Then, “I broke up with Ana. Like. Officially.”

Buck is quiet for a moment. “Was there an...unofficial breakup before that?”

“I don’t know. Probably when I panicked twice in front of her at the mere mention of us as a family. Think that set off a few warning bells in her.”

Buck very carefully remains silent. 

“Well, actually. I don’t know if it did because...she was pretty devastated when I told her it wasn’t going to work. Like she didn’t see it coming after all.”

“What did you tell her? At the official breakup, I mean.” Buck doesn’t move, doesn’t speak above a low tone that barely breaches the two-foot divide between them. 

“Not the truth, that’s for damn sure. But. Something maybe close to it.” Eddie still hasn’t looked at him. His hand is half-over his eyes, fingers pressing at his temples like he’s trying to stave off a migraine. Buck’s presence is sometimes migraine inducing, he knows, but he doesn’t think he’s ever done it to Eddie.

...Maybe?

Nah. 

Hopefully not.

“What’s...something like the truth?” he asks.

“Basically that I thought I could grow to love her eventually. I tried hard to do that, but...it’s never going to happen. I know it’s not.”

Buck remains silent, waiting.

“She...she’s not stupid. She figured out that what was sending me into...whatever was happening to me--”

Buck very pointedly does not point out that what was happening were full blown panic attacks, Eddie--

“--was triggered by the thought of a future with her. It’s not even that she’s a bad prospect. She’s perfect, actually. In every way except that she’s not... Nevermind.”

“So, she was good with Christopher, right? I mean, you said she was--” Buck’s concern is hard to hide. If she did anything to hurt Christopher or make him feel...any type of way, Buck will be livid. But he doesn't think that’s the case. He even likes Ana. She’s nice, friendly, caring. She’s just...

“She’s just not for me.”

Buck can clearly see this is distressing Eddie to the nth degree, but he doesn’t know how to fix it. He’s never had to save a relationship before. And is that what he should be doing? Sure, he’s great at this best friend thing and he wants his friend to be happy--more than anything in the world--but he’s at a loss as to what the actual problem is here.

“But Eddie, you said yourself she’d make a great mother for Chr--”

“He doesn’t need another mother! He had one, and she’s gone. He doesn’t need another.” The raised voice makes Buck pause for a moment. It’s the loudest either of them have spoken the entire time, and he’s sure it has a lot to do with the Shannon of it all, but...it doesn’t seem like that’s the whole thing. 

“I don’t know why I tried to force it. I knew it wasn’t going to work from day one. But she’s just...she was the best alternative.”

“Alternative to what? Eddie, what--”

“I’m in love with someone else! Okay? And I know I should have told her that, but I couldn’t. I can’t even...” he cuts himself off with a huff, but for the first time, he looks up to meet Buck’s gaze. His eyes are shining, but he’s not sad. He’s frustrated. Buck’s learned to tell the difference over the years. 

Best friend and all.

He weighs his options, because this is brand new information to him, which is saying something, and he’s not quite sure where to go from here.

Sure, he absolutely knows where he wants this to go, but. He’s also learned over the years that that’s just...not in the cards. Not for Buck, anyway.

Finally, he opens his mouth again. “I...didn’t know you were seeing anyone else besides Ana. Thought you two were, like, a serious thing.” Understatement of the year. How on earth was Eddie seeing someone that Buck didn’t know about? They practically lived out of each other’s pockets half the time. 

Eddie huffs out a small, horrible laugh. “I’m not. Seeing anyone. In that sense, anyway. Though we do see a lot of each other. A disgusting amount, if I’m being honest.” The laugh he lets out here is not horrible. It’s almost...fond. 

“O...kay.” Somewhere inside, Buck’s heart falters. “So, what’s the problem? Do they...not feel the same way?”

Another huff of a laugh. “Dunno. I never asked.” Eddie’s back to rubbing his temples again, almost hiding his face on purpose. 

“Alright, well, that should probably be step one.” Buck can’t keep the hint of scolding out of his tone, but he can see that it makes Eddie smile. “I can help you, if you want?”

This makes Eddie smile even wider, but it turns sad in an instant. “I know you would. But you can’t.”

Buck takes a moment--or several--to consider himself. To weigh all his options and arrive at a logical and sensible conclusion.

Who is he kidding? Buck opens his mouth on impulse, praying to every deity he’s ever heard of that he’s not wrong and he’s not about to ruin everything.

“I can try.” Another small laugh from Eddie in response, a hopeless, resigned one. “Eddie.” When he gets no reaction, he tries again. He really needs eye contact for this, no matter how much he knows Eddie hates it during emotional conversations. “Eddie.”

Slowly, Eddie’s eyes meet his. Buck goes for broke. 

“Step one. Ask.”

Eddie stares at him for a moment, no discernible change in his features. Buck’s eyes plead with him. And then, it’s like Buck can watch the switch flip behind his eyes. When he catches up to what’s being said here. 

Buck holds his breath for what feels like ages and feels his skin grow cold with shame because he was wrong, he was wrong, he was so so wrong--

“Are--” Eddie begins, strained. Buck’s heart stops. “Are we--” Buck’s sure his heart can’t actually stop twice, but it definitely does at this addition. 

His eyes are glued to Eddie’s, though. Like magnets. Pulling in the only direction they can ever go. The way the universe wills them. 

Eddie seems to come back to himself for a moment, flicking his eyes to the glass. Buck’s eyes tear themselves away to look at what’s caught his attention. The entire B shift and some of the A are still milling around outside. 

“Are we really going to do this here?” is the question Eddie actually poses to him. But, when Buck’s eyes snap back to their target, he sees something that kickstarts his heart again, and he lets out the breath he’d been deliberately holding for the last 45 seconds, give or take. Eddie’s tiny, timid smile seals the deal. 

“We could go to my place?” Buck offers. Tries desperately not to think about what could happen. What he wants to happen. 

“I need to get home to Christopher.” Eddie’s standing, grabbing his duffel. Buck’s nodding, because yeah, that’s true. He scrubs his mind of the...thoughts that were just playing through it.

“And so do you,” is what’s tacked onto the end, just thrown out there, like it’s the most normal, logical thing in the world. Eddie’s face is still a little timid when Buck looks up, but his own face must give away his heart because Eddie’s smile after that is radiant. He hands Buck his own bag, also giving him a hand up off the bench.

Yeah, his legs are a little wobbly. Good best friend actions, Eddie. Thanks. 

Though. Buck doesn’t know if that term still applies. Are they friends? Are they more now? But they haven’t talked about anything so, like, they’re not anything yet, right? But Eddie said he was in love with--

His thoughts halt when Eddie lands a small kiss to his lips, there and gone again in a nanosecond and wow, that had no right to be as earth-shattering as it was, it was just a peck, for Christ’s sake, and--

“Buck. Get your shit and lets go, yeah?”

“Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.” Smooth. 

But Eddie’s smiling. For real this time. Buck will take that.

lbr, the show wouldn’t acknowledge Taylor during this conversation. It’d be wrapped up the next episode and she would storm out and never be heard from again. Definitely NOT how I’d want that to go, but. We all know it would. *honks clown nose*

[masterhandss]

Personally I don't see what you see in Geordo. He seems like such a scumbag to me and is the least likable charater in the whole series. He is always trying to get her alone to push her into things of a sexual/ more romantic nature without taking how she really feels into consideration. Like he "really wants her" and thats enough for him without caring what she really wants. Honestly he is the borderline non-con villian in my mind.

I mean, it's okay if you feel like that. To each their own.

Hmmm when I think about Geordo being sexually aggressive towards Katarina, I only really just think of the anime. The manga is a much more moe-fied and toned down version of the novels, and the novels does an okay job at balancing his desires for Katarina in all aspects. I'm not saying he doesn't have that trait in the other two mediums, I just think that they aren't as intense as the anime, so as someone who consumes all three versions I just tilt my head and go "huh." Of course I'm sure there are people who read the manga and novels that still feel uncomfortable about his behavior and that's valid too.

-> light novel spoilers ahead <-

tldr, there is a lot more going on to him than just someone who offers sweet words and questionable invitations to Katarina's ears, this may not be noticeable or acceptable to some people but we get to know more about how he thinks whenever the novels puts us in his point of view. You're free to dislike him as much as you want, but I like him & don't see him as a scumbag; and here's why:

I at least find it okay that Geordo is very serious about his pursuits for her because he is aware that she is dense and will not get it until you spell it in the sky. Everyone is just walking eggshells around Katarina hoping that the girl would just develop feelings for one of them to win the harem olympics. He knows that being dealt with a good card isn't enough, so he's actively taking action in order to win her heart. I mean I don't always agree with his methods either, like the "fait accompli" line or constantly inviting her to his room alone, but really, how much of that is something he really means to do vs how much of that is his excessive flirting + our minds assuming that he really means to claim her in that way?

Lines like that are really popular with japanese fans because it makes Geordo look "sexy" and "forward", which they enjoy in their fictional stories. He knows that his position gives him an advantage so he'll try to play his cards right and use it to increase his chances in victory.

It actually reminds me of a scene from the Hamefura StoryMe game, (don't really know how canon it is but I remember the JP ver. was advertised by @/hamhura) where Geordo indirectly asked Katarina how to woo a girl he really likes, and Katarina thinking he was referring to Maria, gives all the things he usually does in order to win her heart (visit her home, give her gift, dance with her in parties, be really forward about your feelings etc). I'm not saying Katarina approves of the ways Geordo attempts to win her heart, but there's some hilarity in knowing that Geordo already had and is constantly trying all the known ways to win over a girl in the world from a young age, and still has nothing to show for it. Like no awareness, much less any *feelings* lmao. So trying to make it obvious that he is interested in her romantically and sexually seems like the next logical step to him. I mean if you go by Geordo's logic and considering the time period this takes place in, he's pretty confident that he can get Katarina to love him back and they are engaged anyways so in his head he's in safe waters to attempt to make teases about such advancements if it gives him the smallest chance that Katarina would become at least aware of him through it.

Of course I know that stuff like that won't fly here in the real world, but maybe that's why I'm so lenient personally when it comes to his (debatably) sexual teases and advances, because it's a fictional story for a japanese audience. Doesn't mean I would approve any advances like that if it happens to me, it's just that it's hard to take his actions seriously when Katarina or the story doesn't take them seriously. Like, the girl would be pushed down to a bed by RufuSora and gives her a hickey and she still thinks the man is out for her blood.

He wouldn't even be entirely wrong, knowing the identities of the characters who Katarina knows has romantic interest in her in the novels, actions does speak louder than words when it comes to her. Like I said, whether or not Geordo really means what he says when the story teases the readers with sexual implications in his words and action depends on the reader in my opinion. They are there, I wont pretend they don't but I'd argue about the level of intent depending on what scene you're talking about.

The only scenes on the top of my head where he is very abrasive towards Katarina is the "fait accompli" scene, the Book scene form the anime (S1 EP8), saying he wants to lock her in his room (LN6) and the multiple times Geordo had invited her in his room at night alone (LN6 and LN8, i think).

I've already explained why I am okay with both Keith and Geordo's Book scenes from episode 8 of the first season because they are accurate representations of an exaggerated and unhinged versions of their desires towards Katarina so I won't bore you with those details again.

He mentioned in Volume 6 that he wants to lock Katarina in his room forever and keep her light to himself, which alarmed a few people when the book came out, but he said that in a moment where he feels super grateful and loving towards her because she knew how tired he was despite his fake face and without even saying anything. It was a moment where he felt so infatuated towards her that he wished the moment where he gets to rest in her arms would last forever, thus he made such a comment. I make it sound more dramatic than it was in Volume 6, it was just a quick comment honestly lmao.

For people who don't read the novels, that last part looks very sus and raises a few red flags I know, but to be fair we can't definitively say what his intentions are because Katarina never commits to those visits. Katarina has actually become wary of those invitations, because Keith and Mary have warned her that Geordo's intentions are sexual, but I'm not really trusting the word of the two people who are most distrustful and antagonistic to Geordo. They could be right, of course, but who can really say? We assume that they are correct because they care about Katarina and are wary of Geordo, but hamefura('s novels) is full of unreliable narrators anyways, it's not like Keith or Mary would consider the possibility of it being anything else because when it comes to the third prince they always fear the worst case scenario.

If you think about it, Geordo is probably aware that winning her over with a "fait accompli" won't work at all because it'll put him in a position that will make other people push him for the throne (which he doesn't want) or could ruin his reputation in high society if Katarina or her family react to it negatively. I'm not Geordo though, so I can't really say if he even have such fears and doubts in the first place, that's just my assessment based on the obstacles he has. On the outside he is really sure of himself and confident (which he arguably deserves) and on the inside he is very careful and insecure when it comes to Katarina.

Also like, spoilers but for someone who is very forward when it comes to his physical advances, Geordo is super weak when he is in the receiving end of those touches. He gets super embarrassed and easily flustered when its Katarina who is touching him, as if implying that to some extent that he's all just talk lmao.

I don't really agree that Geordo doesn't care about what Katarina feels at all, in fact his inner dilemma in the novels is that he doesn't know what to do because in every step he takes he might do something that could ruin his image in Katarina's eyes, be it pursuing or abandoning the throne or looking like a monster in front of her. He even halts his plans to make advances towards her during the Keith Kidnapping Arc, but threw it away because he knows how much finding Keith means to Katarina. He puts what Katarina want and doesn't want as his priority, so when what she feels is unclear that's when he acts on his own intuition. The only reason Geordo feels so confident to advance towards her sexually is because Katarina never rejected him before (because she doesn't know what they mean, and all of this is for the sake of simply making her aware in the first place)

I'm not trying to make anyone think that one has to read all the books in order to understand him, I think the manga does okay at conveying his feelings too. The anime really prioritizes on making him look "sexy" for the japanese female audience, so anything he does is sprinkled with spice whether we like it or not.

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm overanalyzing all his actions just to justify them, everyone has the right to be uncomfortable with his advances if it seems too much for you. It's just that his actions, while over the top and unnecessary, are done to please the type of audience that hamefura caters to, and it's hard to take him completely seriously when the story doesn't either in my opinion. Doesn't mean he's right or that any of it is okay, but it's his method of trying to put a dent on Katarina's bakashield. When you're in a race versus your friends who Katarina all loves equally, he's gonna use whatever card he can get in order to win.

I like Geordo; I like how much of his feelings for Katarina forces him to reexamine himself and realize that he isn't a perfect prince at all, that he has lots of problems and flaws that he needs to work out in order to be someone worthy of her. I like the way he falls more and more in love with her in every interaction they have because he finally gets to have a genuinely and caring interaction with someone. I like how Geordo wants to do better and be better for Katarina and the people around him, and he wants to be able to thank Katarina directly for that through being able to show his love. I like that despite how much of a chad he acts in front of her, he's a blushing mess at the thought of Katarina returning his feelings. I find it funny when his "sexual advances" fails and gets thwarted because he's trying them on the densest person and most protected lady to ever live. I like how Geordo is so head-over-heals in love with her and how much comfort and warmth she brings to him by simply being her caring and bubbly self.

I guess it's just a matter of different perspectives. If you find him unlikeable or a villain, then you do you. I try to explain why I personally excuse his actions, but I know it wont fly with everyone. We all see each character differently and absorb the material in different ways. In fact it's probably a bad idea for me to defend him with material that isn't the anime nor manga yet lmao. I mean I'm not that much of a fan of Mary anymore, and I'm kinda scared and wary of her, but I know people don't see her the way I do and I'm okay with that.

Maybe its just me, who is the kind of person who just goes with the flow and doesn't think too hard because it's all fiction anyways

It's hard to tell all this from simply watching the anime, so I laid all my feelings down in hopes that someone out there would understand why I like him so much.

Thank you for the ask, you can ask more questions or call me out if I said anything insensitive or wrong, I know a lot of this is me overanalyzing things which might look like I'm jus stretching. As someone who is aware of the things to come in Hamefura X, I can say that I am both excited and nervous as to how everyone will react for the direction of Geordo's character.

[itsclydebitches]

RWBY Roman Holiday: A Review

Hello, everyone, and welcome to my review of RWBY: Roman Holiday by E.C. Myers! Given my tendency to discuss this franchise at great length, I thought I'd start with a tl;dr section for those who might just want my general takeaway, not a deep dive into some of the novel's specific flaws and strengths. So with that in mind... 

Did you like the book?

I did! Let me put it like this. I'm incredibly critical of any RWBY material nowadays, I haven't had the energy to read #realbooks for a while, and I still managed to finish this in five days, even while stopping every few pages to take notes. So it was entertaining enough to hold my attention, unlike Before the Dawn. Is it a perfect novel worthy of nothing but endless praise? No and I'll delve into the many problems below. But is it also one of the better RWBY installments I've engaged with lately, including recent Volumes of the webseries? Yeah. If you're still emotionally attached to the show or these characters, I recommend giving it a try for the sake of nostalgia. 

But isn't there a bunch of creepy stuff in it? Didn't Myers turn Roman into a pedophile? 

No, he didn't. As I suspected, the rumors that we've been hearing lately probably came about from taking certain moments out of context, or by blowing up some pretty minor implications, or by straight up reading interactions between an adult and a minor in very bad faith. Purity culture and a desire to drag RWBY combining to create an argument that, frankly, isn't supported by the text. Are there jokes and interactions that some readers might find uncomfortable? Yes, but it’s no worse than what RWBY has already established as a canonical part of their world and writing style. See: Yang's interactions with Junior in her Yellow Trailer. If you're a fan of Roman and have held off only because you're convinced the novel ruined his character, I personally don't think that's the case. Breathe easy. 

I'm still worried about how the novel treats disability though. Specifically Neo's muteness. 

I was too, but I'm happy to report it's a pretty tame portrayal. If anything, I have more to say about the intersection between Neo's semblance and her sense of identity. Suffice to say though, Neo never speaks in the novel, there's no ridiculous reason why she can't speak (no reason is given at all, it’s simply a part of her), and only the bad guys pressure her into talking. Meaning, the bad guys from her and Roman’s perspective. Obviously she and Roman are both villains in the RWBY world, but when it comes to respecting each other's needs they're definitely, comparatively better than the rest of the cast. 

So there were no problems? 

Oh no, there are definitely problems lol. Let's just say they're not offensive enough to bother the average RWBY fan. At least, most of them (probably) aren't. If you're not neck deep in the franchise's struggles and actively thinking about how this novel does (or does not) fit into the larger RWBY-mythos, there's a very good chance you'll like the book, passing over everything I’m about to mention without a backwards glance. Hell, even if you're looking for problems there's a good chance you'll enjoy a lot of other aspects, just like I did. So I recommend taking a chance on the book far more than I recommend steering clear on principal alone. 

Okay, with that out of the way it's time to dive into the nitty-gritty!  

FYI I'm pulling my quotations from the paperback edition and, as is probably already obvious, this is not a spoiler free review. So tread carefully!  

Part One: An Imbalance of Protagonists

Would you like RWBY: Roman Holiday? Well, that might depend largely on which of its main characters you're most interested in. If it's Roman, you may be disappointed, despite the fact that the book is evenly divided between his and Neo's perspectives. This is, fundamentally, a book about Neo. She is the one undergoing all the character development. She is the one who is driving the plot. Roman just sort of exists within a criminal status quo until he bumps into her — almost exactly halfway through the novel's 308 pages — and then becomes caught up in her training, her desire to concoct new schemes, and eventually her family's problems. I don't want to make it sound like Roman is unimportant to the book, he's obviously there and he does things, but we're not given the same level of insight into him like we are Neo.  Frankly, I can think of only two significant revelations, both of which we might have easily guessed based on Roman's established characteristics: his mother abandoned him when he was a kid and he once worked for one of the main crime bosses in Mistrial, specifically Lil' Miss Malachite. Otherwise, everything Roman does and experiences is precisely the sort of stuff we saw him do and experience in the webseries. He commits petty crimes, fights people with his cane, and does it all with a dramatic flare which, notably, Myers writes quite well. 

This lack of impact on the story seems to stem from two decisions. First, Myers never jumps forward or backwards in time (with the exception of two small scenes that explain how characters got to a point we saw in the last scene/chapter). Though this definitely helps to keep things from getting confusing, it means that we never go farther back than Neo at 8 years of age and we're always looking at what both characters are up to at the same point in time. Given that Roman is a decade older than Neo, this means that, unlike her, we never get peek into his childhood. When she's 8 he's 18, already an adult and committing crimes in Mistral. A lot of Neo's development is inevitable, just by virtue of starting her story so young. She has to mature, develop her semblance, go to school, try various ways of being independent for the first time... Roman gets none of that. He's an adult when we meet him, his character fully formed and, since we already know that character from the webseries, we're given no new insight into him or how he developed that identity, just a reconfirmation that it exists. 

More of an issue though is that Roman isn't allowed an arc over the course of the novel. The man we meet on page 9 is precisely the same man we end with on page 308 — with the minor exception that he now has a partner in Neo and that, sadly, is a lesson he learns instantaneously. For the first half of the book, Myers sets up the expectation that learning to trust and, specifically, learning to trust someone like Neo is the great conflict that Roman will have to work though. He's very cynical in his own head, as we might expect: “On the streets, on your own. You only watched out for yourself. Anything else was a weakness. Anyone else was a liability” (14). No sooner is this perspective established than Roman is meeting people who challenge it. While babysitting the Malachite girls, they provide advice on how to improve his chances of pulling off heists: 

Melanie and Miltia, simultaneously: “You just need the right partner.” 

Roman: “Maybe. I just don’t believe anyone is going to watch out for me as much as I will” (41). 

After betraying Lil' Miss and fending off his peer Chameleon, she sadly announces that "you might have gotten what you wanted after all if you hadn’t been in it only for yourself. If you had allowed yourself to trust someone” (87). Myers isn't subtle about the theme here. 

Yet when Roman meets Neo, that trust is immediate, despite spending his entire life rejecting the idea of a partner, despite the viewer having just read about numerous other people who Roman spent years fighting beside and still didn't come to trust, Neo forms an instant, powerful connection with him — one that can't be explained by her saving his life when they first meet. Even Roman himself acknowledges that it's just another debt to repay. They simply click, with no explanation as to how that occurred, or even a serious acknowledgement that this is out of character for them both (what with Neo never having had a friend). Neo gives him the name "Neopolitan," knowing it's her true name now and, thus, a more personal offering than her birth name "Trivia." Roman gives her his entire life story during their first meal together. Roman also spends all of his money on Neo's modified parasol and at the novel's end continually offers to sacrifice himself so that Neo can escape. Neo thinks a lot about how Roman is the only one who can understand her through body language alone which, kudos to Myers again, he does describe her movements with enough clarity to sell that understanding (even if Roman does sometimes make leaps in logic that feel a little unlikely). “She really missed Roman. Most of the time she didn’t need to say anything and he knew exactly what she was thinking” (249). It's heartwarming. As someone who enjoyed their relationship in the webseires, this is likewise a joy to read. It's just that it... kinda came out of nowhere. 

Far from this just being an issue of Roman trusting when he's never trusted before, Myers sets up a conflict of loyalties in Neo that is then immediately dropped. She finds herself surprised by Lady Beat — the headmistress of the academy Neo attends — unexpectedly liking her insights and, in exchange for privacy and a more in-depth curriculum, agrees to help her capture Roman. Prior to this agreement, Neo considers helping the Malachite twins take Roman out when they corner him because then they might be Neo's friends instead of her bullies. That motivation makes perfect sense to me. Of course Neo would be more interested in assisting the two girls who attend school with her and improving her daily life over helping the random guy on the street, even if Roman's vulnerability (that's what Neo latches onto: a moment where his mask slips and he shows true fear) sways her towards helping him in the end. When she reunites with Roman later, he requests that she help him spy on Lady Beat... and Neo turns him down. So there's a very clear precedent here of Neo being out for herself, looking to improve her relationship with the other high society ladies she's spending most of her time with. The road to favoring Roman over them will be a long one. What will convince Neo to switch sides? 

Nothing. Soon after Neo thinks about how she's duping both Lady Beat and Roman (the reasoning there is never really explained) and from then on her focus is entirely on Roman, with likewise no explanation as to why she chose him in the end. “Roman clearly had some trust issues to work out, but Neo was going to prove to him that he could count on her” (219). Why this sudden desire to prove herself to Roman? No idea. The novel skips over the majority of their bonding. Yes, there are a few key scenes — Neo saving him, Roman giving her the parasol, etc. — but a single sentence reveals that Neo has been training with him for months now, bypassing the slow development of trust and Neo's changing thought process about what side she should choose. 

Or rather, there are explanations for Neo's decision, but they all occur after Neo has already chosen Roman. There are two major revelations that we're only told about much later in the novel: that Neo is suddenly dissatisfied with her life at school — “Neopolitan was having second thoughts. As much as life at the school had improved, more and more it felt like it wasn’t giving her what she needed” — and that Lady Beat is the head of a major spying conspiracy across all of Remnant (more on that later). Either one of these could have been the catalyst for Neo giving more attention to Roman and, eventually, growing quite close to him. A general dissatisfaction with her life, the revelation that Lady Beat isn't the kind of criminal Neo wants to support...either would work. As it is, her devotion to Roman seems to immerge randomly, fully formed and unshakable, with these ‘I guess the school and Lady Beat weren't that great after all’ justifications tacked on much later and, thus, presented as incidental to Neo's devotion. “[Roman] was basically the only thing that mattered to her in the world right now" is the conclusion Neo comes to without a lot of work put in to explain how he reached that point in her life (248). 

And I can see how this happened. We already know that Neo and Roman are a tight-knit duo from the webseries — Neo's love in particular has been emphasized since Volume Six — and so Myers banked on the reader applying that knowledge to the novel. He wrote the story of what Neo and Roman did prior to meeting, he wrote the story of their friendship prior to the webseries... but he didn't really write how that friendship came about. It's treated as a given, despite the huge number of reasons why that friendship should be rocky (or even non-existent) at the start, to say nothing of many fans' interest in getting an answer to the question, "How does an established villain who trusts no one wind up partnering with a girl a decade his junior?" The novel tells us that this unexpected outcome does, in fact, occur, rather than taking us through the journey of how such an outcome is possible. This is by no means a new problem in RWBY and, admittedly, Myers' depiction of the relationship isn't as noticeably a problem as some others in the webseries, simply by virtue of Neo and Roman being the focus of the novel and the reader knowing that they do, in fact, end up as partners. It's a lot easier to buy a shaky journey when you already know the inevitable conclusion, but that doesn't mean we couldn't have done a better job of showing it. 

Which, to get back to the original point of this section, means that Roman never has that arc about learning to trust someone. He just does trust, the moment Neo comes on the scene. Personally, I think this rapid-fire growth is particularly egregious given everything else we learn about Neo and Roman’s histories. Meaning, just like Roman's cynicism about trust is introduced early on, so is his hatred for the rich elite. In fact, Roman's poverty and the disdain that has bred are arguably the most prominent aspects that Myers added to his characterization. As seen in the novel's excerpt release, Roman's introduction is robbing a rich man coming out of a club where he shows more interest in humiliating and harming the man than just getting his stuff and running. Which, to be fair, isn't solely due to the man's status as a member of the elite. The novel develops both characters' sadist tendencies — “He’s vicious. He brutally beat a man just for his coat. He was having fun” (21) — but the man’s status isn't a non-factor either. Roman's internal thoughts say a lot about how stupid, rude, gullible, pathetic, and inept he thinks the rich are. At the start he's not just taking the man's coat because he likes it, but because he’ll need it to survive the Mistral winter, what with living in a shelter under a bridge and all. We learn that his obsession with survival is born of poverty — “Ma’am, when you don’t have anything, surviving is more. You’ve gotta start somewhere” (20) — and that Roman will go to any lengths just to meet his basic needs, potentially with a side of some comfort. For example, he knowingly risks his life by pissing off Lil' Miss just to get two days of food, baths, and a bed. As Roman puts it, those two days are worth it, even if it means the rest of his life is potentially forfeit. 

So this is a man driven by a desire to live in comfort, manifesting in a hatred of the rich that is so powerful Roman breaks the man's knee just for the hell of it. He's touchy about any comment on his upbringing too: "Roman froze. 'So that’s it. You think you’re better than me. Because you went to school? Learned a trade?'" (80). And, to be clear, this is a hatred of the high society rich. The kind of wealth that's never earned. Roman has a healthy respect for the well-fed crime bosses who have pushed their way to the top, just as he plans to. Not those living cushy lives at the expense of him and others. 

And wouldn't you know it, his partner to-be is a pampered little rich girl. 

"There's the conflict," I thought. "Roman doesn't just need to learn to trust, he's got to trust someone born into extreme luxury. How is that going to happen?" Well, again, it didn't. Neo and Roman's class difference is ignored for 99% of the novel, with the other 1% used for casual banter between them. It's not that Roman isn't aware of Neo's pedigree, so to speak. He finds her through the uniform she wears, the symbol of an academy that rich girls attend. When they share their first tea together, he notes how daintily she eats the sandwiches, more evidence that Neo has had manners drilled into her at a young age. When he finally gets confirmation that she's not just rich, but really rich — flying to her parents' mansion — Roman is just kinda moderately surprised, throwing in a comment about how someday that money will be hers and isn't that nice. Roman's hatred of the elite disappeared for Neo's sake, just like his trust issues did. There's no working through these differences, just an erasure of them so the novel can jump straight to them being the perfectly in synch duo we know from the webseries. 

As a side detail that I think demonstrates this imbalance rather well, hair is used as a marker of identity throughout the novel. Neo moves from being jealous that other girls are allowed to style their hair how they please, to making her hair entirely pink with her semblance, changing that to half brown instead, buying pink dye so she no longer needs to waste energy on something she wants to be permanent, and ending with her getting some white streaks even as she chooses to leave the name Vanille behind. Each change coincides with an aspect of her development and it works quite well. In contrast though, Roman has only setup, no follow through. Unlike the short cut we're used to in the series, Roman starts the novel with a long ponytail that characters frequently comment on. The twins steal his hat and beg to braid his hair when they're bored. Neo seems iffy about the style choice. A couple other side characters make vague references to imply that he should get rid of it — something, something it doesn't actually suit him. So surely we'll see Roman cut his hair sometime before the novel's end, visually representing his growth, just like Neo's changing color has represented hers (ending with a color mix that reflects neapolitan ice cream)? Nope. Not unless I missed it. The foundation for that change is there, but Myers never capitalizes on it, despite obviously knowing what he's doing with Neo. 

So if you want more Roman content, the kind of content we saw in the webseries, great. You'll love the novel. If you want to read about Roman undergoing any significant change, including a dive into how he came to trust Neo of all people, large chunks of that story are missing. In true RWBY fashion, there are plenty of details that allow readers to fill in the blanks for themselves, but the canon itself is, sadly, lacking. 

Part Two: Neo's Magical Identity 

We've established then that Neo gets the lion's share of the development and, frankly, most of it is good. Knowing she's set to become a villain, I loved reading the gradual move from understandably lashing out — Neo throws an umbrella at her father's face when he's being an emotionally abusive dick — to becoming just as stoically cruel as Roman — she launches a woman out of the back of a plane. Did she have a parachute? Who cares. There's a lot here to like about Neo's characterization, with Myers finding a nice balance between keeping her playful and not making her feel like a caricature (helped immensely by spending so much time in Neo's head). However, the one part that arguably fails is the development of Neo's semblance and, consequentially, her identity. 

To be clear, I absolutely get what Myers was going for and it's basically what I assumed was going on when I read the excerpt: Trivia (Neo's birth name) has an imaginary friend she calls Neopolitan and, over time, she realizes she is Neopolitan. The imaginary friend is who she wanted to be all along, not just the person she wanted to spend time with. I like it! Who among us hasn't imagined a badass, smooth-talking, beloved version of ourselves that impresses everyone with a Mary Sue-esque ease? (Or, if you haven't, guess I'm outing myself here lol.) It's a pretty relatable idea. Trivia imagines a girl with the power to dress how she wants, style her hair how she wants, with amazing acrobatic skills, a take-no-shit attitude, fun ideas to implement... but she also has Trivia's heterochromia and muteness. It's the perfect combination of Trivia's unique traits and the confidence/freedom she longs to have. Of course when given the chance she grows up to be Neo, even going so far as to take that name. It's what she always wanted. 

The only problem here is that in the RWBY world, Neo can't just be an imaginary friend. She's a manifestation of Trivia's semblance. As we learn later, the things Trivia creates are as real as real can be, provided she keeps up their existence. You can touch the wall. You can count the money. You can wear the clothes. They're less illusions than short-term creations — as Team RWBY realizes whenever they wind up attacking a Neo duplicate instead of the "real" thing — and that puts an odd spin on just how imaginary Neopolitan actually is. She's not imaginary at all. She's a real person that exists in the real world, it's just that this existence is temporary and dependent on Trivia's aura. 

The novel supports this by constantly writing Neopolitan as a distinct personality from Trivia. Not just the polished version of who she is slowly becoming, but an individual in her own right. Neo makes decisions that are fully her own, contrary to or even entirely unknown to Trivia. To highlight just a few examples: 

Trivia is unsure about sneaking out of the house so Neo "shoved her into the hall" (25). 

Neo "looked on jealously” as Trivia drinks a milkshake, implying a desire to have one and the knowledge that her current physicality doesn't allow for that. If she is Trivia, shouldn't she likewise be enjoying the shake? 

“She shot Neo a questioning look... before she realized what Neo had in mind” (92). Their thoughts are presented as separate and there's no instant mind-reading. 

Neo catches Trivia when she leaps out of a window, surprising her with the save. Trivia never planned for Neo to do that, Neo did it entirely on her own. 

There are lots of other instances like this, details that establish Neo has a person separate from Trivia (this confusion regarding their names should make that clear enough), no matter the fact that she's made out of aura. I mean, we've got Ozpin existing only as a soul in other's bodies. RWBY isn't exactly in a position to get nit-picky about personhood. More specifically though, Neo is presented as a bad influence on Trivia, an outside force enacting on her in harmful ways. Neo's introduction establishes her as the troublemaker to Trivia's more obedient personality: “But those were her parents’ rules, and Neopolitan never cared about those.... She bounced up and down on the cushions the way she wasn’t supposed to” with a “taunting smile” (2). Her father comments on this multiple times, saying that Trivia can't hide behind an imaginary friend. She's responsible for her decisions. And while yes, that's true, that level of responsibility changes when Trivia summons Neo into the world. During a fight with some other teens, they can suddenly see Neo and Neo, independent of Trivia, punches one in the face, making her nose bleed. That seems like a real person making her own, real decisions to me. So it was never Trivia doing things and then trying to foster responsibility off on an imagined cohort, it's a child bringing another, magically-based person into existence and being influenced by her since before the age of 8 (considering that Trivia and Neo have clearly been playing with each other for a long time when the novel starts). There's even a moment where Trivia seems to realize all this, acknowledging that sneaking out, breaking up her parents' party, causing a scene... all of it was Neo's idea. “That had to be Neo’s influence again. Trivia had to stay in control." 

But the idea of control is never actually explored. Despite establishing Neo's individuality and having Trivia comment on her influence, the second half of the novel abandons that for the expected, 'Trivia was Neo all along' reveal. There's a very strange moment where Trivia's mom slaps Neo, causing her to shatter and... that's it. “Neo had been so much more to Trivia. Now she was gone” (98). Neo is, apparently, gone for good, despite the fact that she should return the moment Trivia's aura does. Neo has been with Trivia since she was a small child, nearly her entire life and at least 7 years by this point in the novel, so why did a single slap send her away? That's not explained and, much like the ‘Why has Neo chosen Roman?’ question, the fact that Trivia did try to bring her back several times and failed is mentioned chapters after Neo's absence is presented as an inevitability. The order of events needs some reshuffling. 

Despite this confusion regarding why this change happened now, the explanation seems to be that Neo isn't really gone, Trivia has just realized for the first time that she is Neo. No need to summon up a separate person when you are that person and the novel, from then on, is peppered with constant reminders of this. 

“Trivia was on the verge of exhaustion, but she kept burning the last of her Aura to hold Neo together. To hold herself together” (96). 

Realizing she is Neo: “Trivia smiled. She took in a deep breath. She felt complete for the first time. She felt like herself” (99). 

“You must be Trivia,” the tall woman said. If I must, I must, Trivia thought (126).

“She wrinkled her nose. Her name still felt like a coat that didn’t fit right. She would need to tailor that, too” (153).

“Losing her friend was Trivia’s first step towards putting herself back together and embracing her true, best self” (152). 

“Wearing this [outfit], she almost, not quite, knew (or remembered?) who she was—not as a student or a daughter, but as Trivia Vanille," except the clothes are “the kind of thing Neopolitan would wear” (152-3). 

On not being able to summon Neo anymore: “She had realized that Neo was really just another aspect of herself” (175).

Though there’s also the occasional implication that she's not actually Neo, just someone highly influenced by her: “No, [fully pink hair was] too much of the other girl [Neopolitan]," so she settles on that half pink (Neo), half brown (Trivia) combo (153). 

As said at the start, it's a "twist" that works perfectly well... provided you ignore the magical elements and the amount of work done to establish Neopolitan as her own person, not just Trivia in a shiny, future glamour. Far from the empowering victory I expected to feel in watching Neo become who she always wanted to be, I found the whole situation to be somewhat tragic. Magic created a fully realized person who egged Trivia towards bad behavior since she was a young child, until Trivia comes to the decision that she should just embrace their personality 24/7. It felt less like the growth of a character into who they were meant to be and more like a manipulated kid taking the place of the person who used to exist alongside her — the only friend she ever had before Roman. Given that Neo is a villain, that's a pretty interesting idea for how the good girl goes bad... but it doesn't feel like Myers meant it that way. Rather, we're supposed to accept the simplest reading, that Neo was just a projection of Trivia's internal self, never-mind her individuality, her pressuring influence, her existence as something real in the world provided Trivia has aura. It's a much messier depiction of Neo's identity than that ‘She had an imaginary friend who she admired and eventually took her name’ setup. When magic is involved and a character's mind is creating fully realized people to stave off loneliness... that's a whole other kettle of fish. I don't actually want to delve into a psychological reading here — I simply don't have the expertise for that — but suffice to say, Neo's muteness might have been handled well, but there's a lot more to interrogate regarding her mental state and how much leeway we give to, ‘It's a fantasy series, just run with it.’ 

Part Three: You're Dodging Those Rumors, Clyde 

I admittedly am. Let's take a break from deep dives into characterization to instead tackle Roman Holiday's — undeserved — reputation. I get it. At this point the RWBY franchise is, frankly, a poster child for offensive content and workplace problems. In the last two years alone we've dealt with horrific crunch culture, sexual harassment allegations, an arguably glorified assisted suicide, bad comparisons to real life politics and dictatorships, a huge reversal on the show's disability stance, one subreddit banning another over criticism, a collective YouTube response to the fandom's behavior, iffy choices regarding Mother's Day merch, accusations of queerbaiting, a resurgence of using Monty's death to forward or dismiss arguments, continued worry over whether the bees will be made canonical next Volume... and honestly, that's just some of the big ticket subjects. RWBY's story, workplace, and fandom have a lot going on, much of it bad, so it's no surprise to me that people are primed to see the worst at every turn. Why wouldn't we be? At this point it's a pretty justified response. 

However, in this case it's unwarranted. Let's tackle Neo and Roman first. Yes, they're a decade apart in age and yes, there are some details that could, potentially, imply romantic interest on both sides. But they really are tiny and the novel confirms nothing. Indeed, the back of the book's summary says, "Just like every story, every friendship has a beginning..." So that's the focus here and all the ambiguous hints, importantly, happen after Neo is confirmed to be 18 years old. Roman takes her to a fancy tea shop only because he owes her. “It certainly wasn’t because he wanted to impress her or anything” (189). Neo blushes when he compliments her semblance. Twice Roman jokes “Don’t worry, it isn’t flowers” when Neo is opening up her parasol present (212). Neo also acknowledges Roman's looks at one point: “With his tousled orange hair, dressed like a street punk, he didn’t look much older than her. In fact, he was kind of cute” (184). The most intimate they get though is at the novel's end: “She leaned over and kissed Roman on the cheek. His face went red," though this is immediately followed by "It was fun to mess with him sometimes” (307). Honestly, the most overt "hint" towards a relationship is probably the title itself, a play on the 1953 romantic comedy Roman Holiday. But upon reading the novel, I think it's clear Myers chose that title only because Roman's name is, you know, Roman and the plot somewhat mirrors the idea of a reporter getting involved with a princess. Only in this case it's a criminal getting involved with a high society girl and "involved" just means a crime spree, not a romance. 

So is there something there? Maybe the start of something, if you're willing to read into it, but to me it comes across more like the two of them poking fun at social expectations — he's the guy so he "must" be getting the girl flowers; she's the girl so she "has" to kiss him on the cheek — rather than anything serious. Even if Myers had developed a relationship, Neo is both an adult and at least Ruby's current age, if not a year older, so if some fans want her to start a relationship with the 14-year-old farm boy housing her ancient headmaster, is a ten year age gap really where we're going to draw the line? I know that makes a lot of people uncomfortable — frankly it makes me a bit uncomfortable too, more-so because of the difference in their life experiences (Neo is still a student, Roman a long-established criminal) than the actual gap itself — but we should be wary about when personal squicks turn into unfounded, "This is a sin!" purity culture. And for the purposes of this conversation, the point is that there is no relationship. If anything, Roman is just as aware of Neo's age as the reader is. He initially thinks he's looking at a “little girl” only to quickly realize “She was also older than her diminutive height suggested, maybe about the same age as the Malachite twins” (168). But, as we'll get to in just a sec, Roman very much treats the twins as the kids they are too. Roman even refers to Neo as a "kid" until she makes it known she dislikes it (183-4). He drops the term, but that doesn't mean the mindset disappeared. 

As for the twins, they're the only other minors that Roman spends time with. Lil' Miss instructs him to act as their body guard while in hiding, which means he spends over a week living with them. Frankly? I think it's a really wholesome part of the novel — or as wholesome as the villains can ever get. That's when the girls get bored enough to steal Roman's hat, toss it around a bit, and beg to braid his hair. Myers does a good job of balancing Roman's bad boy attitude with a clear indulgence for them. He doesn't actively like the twins (who does Roman like besides Neo?) and ends up orchestrating a ridiculous plot to get out of "babysitting" them (another indication that he's well aware that they're kids), but he doesn't wish them any real harm. He even cares about them in his own twisted, villainous way. We get to see a moment where Roman tries to convince the girls to escape from a grimm, leaving him behind. We might have been able to write that off as Roman just saving his own skin in the long run — Lil' Miss would kill him if any harm comes to her girls — but there's no need to fake comfort: “Roman squeezed Melanie’s hand reassuringly. He needed her and her sister to remain calm” (52). As one of the other goons observes, “You’re bluffing. It’s obvious that you care about [Miltia], which means you’re up to something” (51). Much later, Roman's thoughts confirm this when the girls are older, more powerful, and trying to kill him: “He’d had to endure their dance recitals when they were little. He’d clapped for them at gymnastic competitions. Now they were trying to do a number on him... He didn’t want to hurt the lil' brats, despite everything, but he couldn’t let them take him down” (166-7). Really, I like everything about this. I enjoy how this humanizes and complicates Roman without undermining his status as a villain. I like the loyalty to their mother it shows in the twins that they'd turn on a man who was so involved in their childhoods. It's just fun to read about a badass bad guy trying to manage bored pre-teens with superpowers and a crime boss mom. Their relationship isn't something I expected from the novel, but I'm glad we got it. There's nothing here to imply the twins are uncomfortable with Roman, or that Roman is inappropriate with them. Anyone who balks merely at the idea of a grown man, quote, "babysitting" two young girls is working from bias and bias alone. 

There is, however, one inappropriate comment made by a goon and an assumption made by Miltia, both of which Roman refutes. First, the goon asks if Melanie is Torchwick’s “new girlfriend” to which Roman responds, “You know who it is... She’s just a kid, big man” (47-48). Later on, we get

“Cute,” [Roman] said. 

“Flattery’s not going to work on me anymore,” Miltia said. 

“I was referring to your moves, not you” (158).

Now, we could drag Myers for including such "jokes" and misunderstandings to begin with, but that's why I mentioned the Yellow Trailer at the start of this review. It doesn't feel right to single Myers out for something Rooster Teeth has already embraced, especially when he's the one working to mirror their original product. Yang deliberately toys with Junior and Junior willingly goes in for the kiss. Jaune blushes at older moms eyeing him up at the crosswalk. Nora tells Ren not to look up her skirt in the middle of a deadly fight. Neo and Cinder both go to Atlas in scantily clad outfits because it's more important for the women to look sexy than it is for the show to stay consistent about the dangers of the tundra. Much of RWBY has that frat boy energy about it. I'd be shocked if nothing snuck its way into Myers' work too. But Roman the pedophile who ogles the twins and manipulates a kid Neo? That just doesn't exist. 

Part Four: Déjà Vu, Anyone? 

I dithered about whether to include this section, simply because I don't want anyone to misunderstand what I'm trying to say... yet at the same time, I'm not entirely sure how to articulate the problem I have here. Or if I'd even consider it a problem at all. In the end, "déjà vu" is the best term I can come up with. I'm not saying that Myers is lazy in regards to plot and choreography. I'm definitely not saying he's plagiarized. What I am saying — the only thing I'm saying — is that there were a lot of times during the novel where I went, "Okay, we've seen this before." Whether or not that's bad I'm... not sure. 

Let's start broad. When the excerpt dropped I mentioned that Neo's situation sounded pretty very to Weiss' and I stand by that claim. Actually, having read the novel now, I'd say it's a LOT like Weiss' story. Neo is the daughter of an incredibly wealthy family, suffering from an abusive father, a more loving but absent mother, whose only freedom stems from her semblance and combat abilities. Alright, let's dig deeper. Like Jacques, Jimmy's abuse is on full display for the viewer/reader. I could give you a laundry list of examples, but here are just a few: 

Jimmy is frequently described as barely controlling his anger around Neo, “there was rage behind his shadowed eyes,” etc. (4)

There are times when she is "suddenly afraid" of what her Papa will do to her (35).

When Neo is taken home by the cops, they reveal that they didn't even know that Jimmy Vanille had a daughter. That's how sequestered she's been.

He and his wife lock Neo in her room when they go out, which means that when she starts a fire she had no way to escape, no one to open the door for her, no way to call for help (her scroll is engulfed in the flames). Neo ends up chancing a fall from the window. 

He comes very near to hitting Neo at one point before backing down. 

Later he drugs her and, again, locks her in her room. 

As said, I could go on. There are a few inconstancies across the novel that, frankly, I've come to expect of Myers' work and RWBY in general, which I bring up now because it messes with the abuse plotline a bit. There's supposed to be a shocking moment when Jimmy grabs Neo tightly by the arms: "Trivia stepped back, appalled. Papa had yelled at her, punished her, even ignored her over the years, but he had never hurt her before” (97). Except she’s forgetting that, at the very start of the novel, Jimmy grabs her by the ankles, pulls her out from under the couch, and proceeds to shake her upside down while her hand bleeds. I'd say that's a pretty intense, physical interaction, making squeezing Neo's arms fail to have the impact Myers was looking for. Similarly, when Neo finally snaps and throws her parasol at her father's face, it's because “The things she had claimed for herself were just more stuff her parents had paid for," meaning, everything she stole on a shopping spree her father made sure to pay for twice over. It's not the ableism, abuse, isolation, and the like that Neo reacts to, even though she clearly struggles with those throughout the novel as a whole. So there are disconnects at times, but the point is this man is an abusive asshole to his daughter until she learns to literally fight back. Sound familiar? 

What particularly struck me was that both men have built their abuse around how the family is perceived. Both are obsessed with their image and how their daughter does or does not serve it. Jacques yelling at Weiss for speaking out about Beacon could be swapped with Jimmy yelling at Neo for not speaking at all. Jacques has maintained his wealth by exploiting the faunus in dust mines and getting in deep with criminals like Watts. Jimmy maintains his wealth by getting involved in illegal dust trades and getting in deep with criminals like the Xiongs. Both try to justify their actions in the name of perpetuating both that image and that wealth: “the things I have to do for that money” (5). Both lock their daughters in their room when they can't control them anymore. Both keep portraits in the hall that “showed her and her parents posing together as if they were a happy family,” a symbol of this familial deception (271).* Both have more compassionate, terrified, but ultimately enabling wives that, the story reveals, have secretly been spying on their husbands this whole time. Just as Willow set up all those cameras and gave the footage to Weiss, Carmel is using the camera in her pin to acquire information on Jimmy, with plans to use it to help Neo. By the time Neo's solution to the "What now?" question was to fly Roman back to her mansion and drink tea for a while Volume 8 style, complete with a Sun-Blake style shock that this is her house — sure you don't mean the tiny one behind it? — I was honestly wondering just how far we were going to stretch these parallels. I don't want to make it sound like these characters are identical (Carmel isn't an alcoholic for one thing)... but they share enough characteristics and distinct details to feel, well, a little weird. It also feeds the fandom's question, "Doesn't RWBY know any villain backstories except abuse?" 

*(As a side note, I initially thought the book's cover, showing a young Neo with two brown eyes, was a mistake. Turns out her parents had the painter get rid of her pink eye because they were ashamed of it, so kudos to the cover artist for keeping that consistent!) 

The similarities between Neo's backstory and Weiss' are absolutely the most obvious example here, but there were two other, smaller déjà vu moments I wanted to toss out, both involving combat. Myers has, at times, repeated fights almost exactly in order to cover two character's perspectives. I get the need to rehash plot in that manner, but he tends to focus on the exact same details back to back, making for a boring read. That incredibly nit-picky criticism aside, it means that I was already aware of combat moments that I'd seen before, not just in Roman Holiday, but RWBY in general. Does this description sound familiar to anyone? 

Neo hopped up lightly onto the broad blade. Rin tried to shake her off. Neo vaulted away just as the Huntress activated the flames, somersaulting over the Huntress. She planned to land behind her and whack her with her sword, but Rin turned and kicked high while Neo was still in the air. The Huntress’s foot connected with Neo’s stomach, knocking the wind out of her and knocking her clear across the room (199). 

If it's not familiar don't beat yourself up because it really is a minor similarity (and, in fairness, there's only so many ways you can write combat...). But take away the swords, replace them with a parasol and scythe, and you've basically got Ruby and Neo's interaction in Volume 8. Ruby tries to land a hit on Neo, she turns, kicks high while Ruby is still in the air, and she flies across the platform, knocking the wind out of her. We've also seen the 'Landing on a broadsword to get close to an enemy' bit with Tyrian and Qrow. But again: minor. What's a far less minor repeat of combat techniques is seen between Roman and Chameleon. Basically, Chameleon is Ilia, minus being a faunus and thus framing her abilities as a difference she's shunned for. Her semblance allows her to camouflage at will, giving her a major stealth advantage in a fight. Which means that when she goes after Roman, things get exponentially harder when the lights go out. But then it's better for Roman when a fire starts. He beats Chameleon and she helps him in the end because she's always been in love with him, even though Roman didn't love her back. If you're going, "Hey, that's the basic plot of Blake and Ilia's fight!" then yeah, me too.

It's not the whole novel. I don't want to make it sound like Roman Holiday is just a stitched together version of previous RWBY content because it's absolutely not. At the same time though, there were enough major similarities — and enough smaller ones that started standing out as a result — for me to raise an eyebrow. As said, I'm not entirely sure what to make of this eyebrow raising, or even if I want to label it a criticism at all. You all can decide what you think. 

Part Five: Wait, Now There's Not Enough RWBY? 

Yes, I contain multitudes and contradictions. As does this book. Even while Roman Holiday repeated some pretty familiar RWBY elements, there were times when the novel didn't feel very RWBY-ish at all. Part of the problem is that it lacks what's arguably the most crucial part of RWBY’s world building: battling grimm. Safe behind the walls of Mistral and Vale, we only see one grimm in the whole story, a captured Capivara that one of the crime lords uses to dispose of people who have displeased him. Roman and the twins barely get more than a few hits in before it escapes upstairs, leaving the kill to happen off screen (and why the grimm ran is another problem entirely. Again: we'll get to that). So although there are plenty of battles between people throughout the story, it doesn't feel quite like RWBY to me without the show's first and most significant antagonist. 

More than that though, Myers goes back and forth between emphasizing RWBY's unique, cultural elements and putting them aside entirely. When he's including them, it's great. We learn that there's an old saying “You can’t put the moon back together” which yeah, of course idioms would develop around the shattered moon (151). Honey Wine, a night club singer, paints her face with red dust as a symbol of both wealth and her dare-devil nature — one stray spark and the dust would ignite, blowing her and potentially the club up too. Yeah, of course people would come up with foolish, ridiculous ways to use this resource if they had it. During one of Neo's lessons, a passage for diction practice goes like this: 

The gruesome Grimm grew greedy. Get that greedy gruesome Grimm, Gregory. Go, Gregory, go. The greedy gruesome Grimme gorged Gregory. Good-bye, Gregory, Good-bye. The gory, greedy Grimm gave a gruesome grin (175).

Yeah, of course the elite would develop silly lessons using grimm as examples! We've got math problems about Johnny and his dish soap (yes, I'm quoting the Vine), so why wouldn't this world use grimm in the same way? Especially those who are rich and privileged enough to never encounter one. 

When it's good, it's good. When it's not... I don't want to take Myers to task for this because, in his defense, much of what makes the book feel generically modern has been seen in the show. Like computers. Or video games. Still, when these things are mentioned frequently it undermines the fantasy/sci-fi core, especially when Myers keeps the standard terminology. Why is a phone called a scroll, but a TV is still called a TV? Why are cops patrolling normal sounding malls with normal sounding guns? Neo sneaks out at one point and it struck me that, up until she uses her semblance against a bunch of bullies, there's nothing to distinguish this outing from a realistic portrayal of an average girl getting a milkshake. None of this is helped by the times when Myers slips on the terminology that is unique. Roman describes what he steals as "cash" rather than "lien" (105). One moment we're getting phrases like “She wasn’t the brightest crayon in the box," the next it's "or rob a convenience store for a six-pack of Dr. Piper” (44, 239). So is RWBY a world that has all the same products we do — crayons and TVs — a world that's different, but only because the author is making it different in a humorous way — Dr. Piper — or a place with a unique culture and history — scrolls, lien, shattered moon idioms? It's a challenge every fantasy writer has to face. Can you have a French braid in a world without France? Some will say no, others will bank on the reader's understanding that you can't change up every aspect of our language. You'll drive yourself nuts if you try. So I'm sympathetic, but it's nevertheless noticeable when Myers seems to remember that he's writing a fantasy world, tossing in "bullhead," "oh my Gods," and "thank the brothers" in a single scene, as if he’s making up for the whole chapters where that work is missing. Take out the grimm, take out semblances for a good chunk of the plot (since Roman doesn't have one), get iffy about the details... and you're left with a story that sometimes feels more generic Young Adult than it does RWBY. Enjoyable Young Adult, but a little lackluster in the world building all the same. This isn't a book where girls turn into rose pedals, lamps grant wishes, and teenagers fight giant mechs. This is a story where a guy uses a cane to beat people up, a girl uses illusions to shoplift, and the final confrontation is basically a shoot-out. Not bad by any means, just not the level of insane "The gun is also a gun!" nonsense that has become RWBY's brand. 

Part Six: Stupid Plots (and Strange Details) 

If Roman Holiday lacks a lot of that RWBY insanity, then that means nothing stupid and ridiculous happened, right? Lol of course not. The novel suffers from what I think of as the, "Well that's convenient" problem. In its immense defense though, it's nowhere near the level of, say, Amity suddenly being ready to go. The world's rules do not bend for Neo and Roman... they just wind up experiencing things that can test the reader's sense of disbelief at times. For example, how likely is it that two huntsmen will waltz into a bank in the middle of Roman robbing it? Very likely, apparently. Why not just have them respond to a silent alarm? Well, because of reasons we'll tackle in Part Seven, so we're left with the iffy coincidence of two trained professionals being at the right place at the right time to show the reader a fight. It's a fun fight though — love the use of dust in it — so we'll let that pass. After all, if coincidence serves the reader's entertainment, aren't they ultimately a good thing? 

Far more frustrating in my opinion is when disaster is illogically postponed and characters are written as incredibly stupid in order for a protagonist to get by. In this case, Neo. One of the major reveals of the novel is that her father has been stealing dust from the Xiongs and hiding it beneath Neo's bed. We're supposed to believe that a moment of Lil' Miss shooting into her room sets this volatile dust off, resulting in an explosion that kills both of Neo's parents (side note: she intended this), but the dust didn't blow up when Neo started a fire in said bedroom, a fire that then proceeded to consume the entire top floor? ...right. 

When Neo isn't conveniently surviving non-explosions, she's duping people left and right with her semblance, despite the fact that she, of course, can't speak. This trick becomes less and less convincing as the novel goes on. First, Neo drugs her tutor (that poor woman) and pretends to be her to escape the house, holding a one-sided conversation with her father as he walks her to the door. He finds nothing strange in this. Later, Neo sneaks back in by pretending to be her mother and though this time her father catches her, it's because “If you want to know whether someone is lying to you, it’s all in their eyes” (70). Not because, you know, his "wife" inexplicably won't respond to him verbally. Finally, Neo takes the place of Xiong, traveling with his assistant for over thirty minutes, and never once do any of the goons question what's going on with their suddenly mute boss. This includes interactions like Neo holding out her scroll and just staring until the assistant gets that she should follow the GPS, and the need to ignore the fact that Xiong, characterized as quite talkative throughout the novel, is suddenly quiet as a mouse. Neo's muteness should have been a severe limitation on her ability to masquerade as others, not something the story outright ignores in an effort to move the plot along. 

The novel is peppered with such coincidences, small inconsistencies, and just downright strange details. Roman notes that the police haven't arrived to his robbery yet, only for the next sentence to say they were swarming in. Later he "pulled on his bonds, testing whether he could slide one of his hands free, but he’d been tied up real good” but then again, a few sentences later, “He craned his neck to try to look out the front window. He managed to unbuckle his seat and hop to the front” (259). Like forgetting how rough her father has been in the past, Trivia bemoans the fact that she can't wear anything that Neo would, something in pink and white, for example, forgetting that her former "adventuring outfit" consisted of a white tank-top and white sneakers with pink hearts (26).* She also claims that the Roman illusion she sends running from the twins is her first long-distance use of her semblance, even though she just got done recalling the time she created a butterfly and watched it fly until it was "out of sight" (170). The novel writes out Neo's texting as dialogue even when someone else isn't speaking it aloud — something I initially made a note to praise it for. This is her version of "talking" after all — only for the texts to suddenly become bolded halfway through the book. As for strange details, Myers seems to like giving his antagonists a lumpy food to indulge in — Lil' Miss forces Roman to eat her cottage cheese, Xiong oatmeal with the consistency of cement — and Roman, quite oddly, decides to cover his spider tattoo with a grinning pumpkin. (Were they a thing in A Clockwork Orange? It's been years since I read it...) Neo learns to fly a plan by watching Xiong's assistant start it up and then, I kid you not, pulling up a How To article. Perhaps my favorite bit though is when Roman reveals his master plan to gain a monopoly on Vale's coffee industry and successfully does so by attacking one (1) warehouse. This is treated with the utmost seriousness. 

*(Second side note: the color brown is tied closely to Neo's backstory; to the person her parents wanted Trivia to be. She has her brown hair, only one brown eye, is introduced in a brown dress, wears a brown blazer and pants that her parents bought, and attends Lady Browning’s Preparatory Academy for Girls, the school meant to turn her into a 'real' lady.) 

That last bit though, the coffee heist, feeds into my biggest problem with the book's plot. @superzerokarasu​ and I have been talking about this the last two days, acknowledging it as one of the book's bigger flaws. (And, Superzerokarasu, if tumblr actually tags you, feel free to ignore this absolutely massive wall of text. I just wanted to give credit for the conversations 👍). Basically, towards the end of the novel it is, quite randomly, revealed that there is an important Room at the academy. Important enough that the story capitalizes it — that's not my doing. We haven't heard at thing about this Room before but Neo, apparently, has been trying to sneak into it for weeks. She knows Lady Beat is hiding something in there. Did we know this, especially since we've spent half the novel in Neo's head? Nope! No sooner has this mystery been introduced than Neo is solving it, much like how the group solves the problem of using Ambrosius moments after his rules are explained. Neo throws up an illusion of an empty hallway, picks the lock on the door, and discovers that Lady Beat has been spying on everyone who ever attended her school through the small pins students and graduates wear. This means she has access to private information about important people all over Remnant. Shocking! Neo reacts to this discovery by tearing the hard drive loose, there are some confusing suggestions about how this information will save them from Lil' Miss and Xiong, and then Roman sends the information to a news station, revealing all. Thus ends the world-wide conspiracy we just found out about. 

It's muddied. It's ridiculous. It, most importantly, comes out of nowhere. There's absolutely no buildup to this mystery, just a sudden announcement that it exists and, wouldn't you know, here's the conclusion. Superzerokarasu is correct that this problem could be solved by increasing the academy sections and fleshing this mystery out. I'm of the opinion that it could also be solved by eliminating it entirely. Why in the world do Roman and Neo need to grapple with a world-changing reveal, especially when the rest of the novel is so tame? Roman shakes money down from other small-time crooks. Neo learns diction and combat at school. Roman leaves the Kingdom to avoid Lil' Miss. Neo sneaks out of the house and goes on shopping sprees. She saves him from a street fight, he takes her out to tea, they proceed to rob convenience stores. Their conflicts take place on such a small scale that this conspiracy plot feels ridiculous compared to the rest of the novel, even if it did have better setup. In contrast, their big coffee heist likewise feels ridiculous for how small it is. As a duo (not Neo as an individual, now that she's involved with the Relics and such), they operate in a pretty specific niche of small crimes conducted for villains with large plans. Given the number of times the novel brought up that Roman should start stealing dust, I foolishly thought that the novel would conclude with them stealing dust. Why coffee? Why conspiracies? Why shootouts between two crime bosses on Neo's front lawn? Let them pull off an epic dust heist together, tying it back to Neo's family since her father is already neck-deep in the illegal dust trade, all of it setting up the characters we'll meet in the webseries: street crooks now stealing dust for Cinder. That's their specialty. Why not start that specialty here? 

Instead we get a bunch of hurried plot points that, of course, will have no bearing on the first eight volumes of the webseries. Which brings us to... 

Part Seven: Roman Holiday's Impact on RWBY

Quite obviously, this isn't a novel that exists in a vacuum. Roman Holiday, given that it is presented as an official Rooster Teeth product, is likewise meant to fit into the already established canon. This has been a challenge for Rooster Teeth in the past — important lore winding up in card games, mischaracterization in other novels, worry about how the upcoming game will re-tell events we've already seen — but has Roman Holiday perpetuated that trend?  

Well, yes and no. Which is never a particularly satisfying answer, but in this case there are both aspects that are working and aspects that aren't. Let's tackle the good first. 

Myers includes a lot of details throughout the story that help fill in RWBY's gaps. In this case, it's not information the viewer should have gotten in the webseries in order to have a complete understanding of the situation, but rather things that simply help connect the two works together, adding depth to what we already know. For example, there are those before mentioned times when characters suggest that Roman start stealing dust. “You aren’t the first person to suggest that. Maybe I should look into that...” (216). I do think it's a missed opportunity not to make a dust heist the climax of the story, but that doesn't erase the fact that this still functions as excellent setup for the webseries' premiere. We know RWBY opens on Roman robbing a dust shop. Now we have a better sense of how and why he got into that line of criminal work. 

We likewise get to see the origins of Neo's parasol, not just how she got it (Roman), but also what led her to wanting that kind of weapon in the first place (struggling with the heaviness of swords, getting attached to a parasol she stole, impulsively using it to attack her father, escaping the fire with it and realizing that the ability to float from high places is an asset). Something else I particularly like is that Myers was careful to explain how Neo became so adept at fighting. According to the webseries, there are only three paths you can take: go to combat school like Ruby, live on the streets like Roman, or live outside the Kingdoms like Blake. Neo, as a rich girl kept within high society, doesn't fit any of those models, so Myers introduces an Academy that seeks to train young women for any eventuality, even an attack. Neo learns how to smile, sew, cook, courtesy... while also taking classes in acrobatics, combat, ballet, and fencing. All the girls train with a combat instructor — “I know this isn’t a combat school, but by the time we’re done, you will be as skilled as any Huntress in Remnant” (201) — and, not only that, but she undergoes some pretty intense testing. Balance is taught by “balancing on a tightrope twenty feet in the air, with no net below you. Lady Beat believed in ‘though love’—without the love part” (146). It's a teaching method that makes Ozpin's cliff test seem a little less insane and it highlights one of those fantasy elements of RWBY. When your students possess aura that can save them from a twenty foot fall, it's slightly more reasonable to include that as a challenge. So when Neo starts following Roman around, it doesn't feel off that she can keep up with him. She's been trained, has practiced her semblance alone, and gets additional tutoring from Roman himself. Myers neatly dodges the question of how a non-Huntress and such a privileged girl — unlike Nora or Cinder — became to be as talented as Neo is. Privilege actually bought her that knowledge, which Neo then combines with Roman's street smarts, making her the formidable fighter we know and love.  

However, for every nice tether there is between Roman Holiday and RWBY there's a moment of worldbuilding that messes with our sense of the webseries. Or at least raises some pretty big concerns. 

Given that we just came off of Volume 8, it's no surprise that I read the novel with an eye for hints about how these future events — the destruction of Atlas, evacuees in Vacuo — might impact the rest of Remnant. What Myers gave us... doesn't look good for RWBYJNOR's decision, or the theme Rooster Teeth was going for in Volume 8. Meaning, the show took on a very black and white view by the end of the Atlas arc. Ironwood is an irredeemable bad guy, Atlas is full of racist trash and deserves to sink, the heroes made the best decision possible given the circumstances. Myers' novel introduces some nuance that, sadly, doesn't serve that black and white view well. He describes Mistral as, frankly, suffering the exact same problems as Atlas. “The city elevator didn’t come down this far, to keep more of a buffer between the haves and the have nots... people at the base of the mountain had no business topside” (10-11). Sounds like the sort of divide between Mantle and Atlas, huh? With the exception that one elite is stationed on top of a mountain instead of a floating city. It's a class issue Neo confirms as a kid when she sneaks out to the lower districts, thinking that, "she was never, ever allowed out alone. ‘For your own safety,’ they said” (25). Rich, racist elites who think themselves better than everyone else isn't an Atlas problem, it's a Remnant problem. RWBYJNOR solved nothing by leaving the place behind (and having one citizen hold hands with a faunus) and the fact that the story acts as if things are better now that Atlesians can’t have picnics on a floating city is... a problem. We already knew RWBY struggles with its racism and classism themes, but moments like this continue to add fuel to the wildfire. 

Similarly, the novel spends a not insignificant amount of time referencing Atlas as the technological capital of their world. We knew that already too, but hammering it home now, post-Volume 8, emphasizes the damage the group has done. No Atlas, no technology. Pretty much any technology, given how often it’s said to come directly from Atlas, or cloned from Atlas originals. 

Regarding the evacuation, Myers gives us a moment where Roman outright rejects Vacuo as a place to escape to: “Vacuo was a good place to hide, but the desert was probably one of the few fates worse than Lil’ Miss. And while there was a thriving criminal element, it wouldn’t be particularly welcoming to a newcomer. There was no future for Roman there” (88). So the desert is a fate worse than a crime boss and Vacuans are so unwelcoming one individual won't risk going there... and now our heroes have dumped an undetermined number of evacuees in that desert, heading towards a Kingdom that doesn't want them. Obviously Myers needs to come up with a reason for why Roman ends up in Vale where Neo is, but doing it this way just highlights so many of Volume 8's problems. Specifically, that the group made such a world-altering decision when it arguably was no longer necessary and, more importantly, did so without once considering the consequences that seem obvious to everyone else in Remnant. Vacuo is the last place anyone wants to escape to... so why was that the heroes' first choice? "Because the show hasn't gone there yet" isn't an answer. 

There are a couple smaller problems throughout — muddying the waters between semblances and magic again; emphasizing how many people unlock their semblances as kid and rely on their aura to get by, bringing up the question (again) of how Jaune was so ignorant — but I just want to cover two more issues here. 

The first is what I mentioned above about the one grimm the novel has. Suffice to say, the grimm ignores the three fighters in front of it (Roman and the twins) and runs off because... well...

“Grimm are drawn by emotion. You never controlled it. It killed your enemies because most people you drop in here are going to be afraid. They won’t be able to fight back. But as far as I can tell, these girls don’t feel anything. And I’m not afraid to die... Anger can be a more powerful emotion than fear” (54-5).”

Let's tally up the problems with this speech: 

The idea that Roman experiences no fear despite being cornered by a massive grimm, in a tiny room, in enemy territory 

The idea that an ability to fight back increases the chance of the grimm running off to pick other targets (if that were the case, the group would never finish any fights) 

Claiming that they're also left alone because the twins "don't feel anything" which is obviously ridiculous  

Reframing Roman's lack of fear into, specifically, not fearing death. Again, a grimm doesn't care whether you fear death or no

Saying that the anger of the boss all the way up in his office is a stronger draw than the three people currently attacking the grimm

It's just a lot of nonsense, bending one of RWBY's most basic rules to give Roman a cool-sounding speech. Cool provided you ignore what the speech is actually implying, that is. Why bother with this? Just let the grimm break down the door halfway through the fight, moving the fight into a new space with new people causes chaos, Roman either escapes then, or he kills the grimm first and escapes afterwards. Better, in my opinion, to give the story a single grimm kill than introduce a bunch of philosophical complications about how much these characters definitely don't feel fear and one man's anger is suddenly a grimm magnet. It's just a strange scene and, looking back, the only scene where I really went, "What?" As evidenced by this entire review, I have problems with certain aspects of the novel, but none actively made me question what in the world Myers was trying to accomplish. This moment is the exception. 

Finally, I'd like to briefly mention the ways in which Roman Holiday messes with our understanding of the huntsmen profession. Again, this is nothing new. From Blake and Yang shrugging off Adam's death, to Weiss asking if she can arrest her father, the true purpose of the job seems vague, especially when you toss in what they're legally allowed to get away with. At first, the novel seems to support the idea that huntsmen are responsible for defending the people from both grimm and criminals, especially in the cities where walls do most of the work of keeping grimm out. Roman worries that huntsmen will show up to put a stop to his robbery, there's a bounty for him “posted on all the Huntsmen job boards," and then, later, two huntsmen do show up to his bank heist and try to stop him — that coincidental timing (176). "It’s kind of refreshing to fight a bad guy instead of a Grimm for a change," says one, implying that their primary focus will always be grimm, but they're also not going to ignore criminal activity. I get that. I buy that. It fits with what else we've learned about the job from the webseries: students attend school specifically to learn how to fight grimm, but they're capable — and expected — to use those skills for the people's benefit, no matter what form that comes in. Hence, jobs like Jaune acting as a crossing guard. It works.

....Aaaand then Myers blows that understanding right out of the water. 

“[The huntsmen are] being fined for destruction of public property and reckless endangerment. This isn’t the first time they’ve been reprimanded for using excessive force and gross misconduct. The Vale Huntsmen Guild reportedly is considering suspending their licenses (118).” 

So wait, never mind, apparently huntsmen aren't supposed to stop bank robberies that they walk in on. Or at least, they're not supposed to stop them using "excessive force" and resulting in the "destruction of public property." Problem is, there's no way to battle another fighter of Roman's skill without doing property damage and, potentially, putting civilians in danger. The strength of Yang's punch blows small craters into the floor. Weiss uses dust that causes minor explosions. Ruby swings her scythe in such large arcs she could easily hit someone if she's not paying attention. Within the context of RWBY's powers, the huntsmen here didn't use "excessive force" because aura, semblances, dust, and insane weaponry are all staples of combat. So... what are they meant to do instead? Find out if Roman is just a normal dude and, if he's not, back out like, "Oh sorry. We can't fight someone our equal because that would require, you know, fighting. We'll wait for the police to capture you. They'll have a much better time without training, semblances, or any other combat resources, I'm sure..." 

This single excerpt sends us right back into the "Huh?" territory. What are a huntsmen's responsibilities then? What are they legally allowed to do? And why are these expectations so inconsistent across the franchise? I know the answer here is that the group was pardoned by Ironwood, but it still seems absurd that we watched them steal military property, attack an official, cause a major grimm attack, and actively hide from the authorities... and all that's presented as fine. But trying to stop the guy currently robbing a bank? Well, that’s a suspendable offense. And we know this was taken seriously because Roman runs into one of the huntsmen later, a Roch Szalt, and we learn that his license wasn't just suspended, he lost it entirely. These side characters are out of their livelihood for defending the people while RWBYJNOR gained licenses for endangering them. There's something fundamentally wrong with your world building when your protagonists primarily get by on such massive inconsistencies. 

Part Eight: The Last Section, I Swear

This is another aspect of the novel that I really hesitated over including, just because I do think there's a line between legit criticism and unkind nit-picking. In the end though, enough of a trend emerged that I thought I'd toss it out, especially since I've recently been pondering the question, "How does RWBY treat its women?" The answer should be obvious, right? This is a show about four girls fighting evil! Yet as the webseries continues, fans are noticing more and more divergences from that initial premise. Like creating a world where women are almost never in the primary positions of power. Like giving Jaune and Oscar the active, plot-forwarding scenes that should belong to Ruby and her team. Like that frat boy mentality I mentioned earlier on. The purpose here isn't to analyze that aspect of the webseries, I simply wanted to lay out where my thoughts were while reading Roman Holiday. 

The disclaimer? Neo is great. The strange intersection between her identity and her semblance aside, I think she's entertaining, well-rounded, and the fact that she is given not just half the book's chapters, but that focus mentioned in Part One, resulted in a well-developed character. However, outside of Neo the women are frustratingly built around the same thing: sex appeal. Honey Wine is the club singer whose semblance lowers customers' inhabitations, acting like a Remnant version of a siren. The twins — despite those pedophilia rumors about Roman proving unfounded — are the butt of girlfriend/"You're cute" jokes, drawing attention to their developing looks more than their combat skills, strategies, etc. Both Lady Beat and Carmel, Neo's mom, possess that older woman charm expected of high society ladies. They're dangerous because they can acquire information and they acquire that information by looking the part: pretty smiles, fine clothes, figures that catch the eye. Even Lil' Miss, an established character with a lot of power at her fingertips, isn't exempt from this. When Roman first meets her he observes that fashion is clearly a part of her strategic mind, “a plunging neckline and purple corset distracted Roman even more” (19). Distracted, meaning, that Lil' Miss deliberately makes herself look hot so all the straight guys will lose their heads. 

It's a bit more heavy-handed than just some over-used archetypes though, particularly when it comes to making Roman the guy that every girl wants — even when that's just him assuming they want him. Lil' Miss, again, suffers that treatment. “'Is she flirting?' he suddenly wondered. He hadn’t ever considered that she might like him, but if that was the case, he could use that to—” (57). In a similar situation played straight Chameleon, Roman's peer, is introduced with the statement that “She considered him a friend, and plainly wanted more than that" so Roman "continued to string her along” (45). It's that Ilia/Blake dynamic, just with added cruelty and a gender setup that carries completely different implications. Even the minor characters aren't safe from Roman's charms. Lisa Lavender — you know, Remnant's reporter? — receives flowers from Roman after she labels his robbery “one of the most brazen displays of lawlessness” she's ever seen (117). It's not presented as the villain being creepy though. When Roman contacts Lisa directly, we're given a verbal joke about her maybe interest. She loves... the ratings he brings in. Just the ratings. Of course. 

It's worth noting that Chameleon isn't just reduced to a silly crush whose love allows Roman to escape, she's also the character who "has" to be naked in order to make the most of her semblance. Despite writing in an Atlas cape that blends into various backgrounds, Myers still emphasizes the absolute necessity of this woman fighting naked: 

“She didn’t wear much clothing these days, both because it thwarted her natural camouflaging abilities, and because when she chose to show herself, it could be quite distracting... she stripped for added stealth—it wouldn’t be the first time” (81, 85). 

It's a writing choice that I personally despise. And make no mistake, it is a choice. In a world with magical abilities and futuristic tech, there's no reason to make the presumably young woman — we're never given an age, but Chameleon is written to be particularly naïve — getting naked in front of others, especially a man that is stringing her along. Clothes only "thwart" a magical ability when the author says it does. Why can't semblances make outfits camouflage too? Because then there wouldn't be an excuse for the hot women to strip. 

Particularly for more important characters like Lil' Miss or Lady Beat, these aspects are not the sum total of their characters... but there's enough there to be wince-worthy if you're already sick of such trends; already keeping an eye out for what RWBY writes in regards to gender. I think a good way to summarize Roman Holiday's idea of feminism is when Neo is staking out a coffee shop and Roman asks her to bring him a coffee when she comes back. She returns with an empty cup reading, "Get your own coffee." It's clearly meant to be this empowering moment — how dare the man ask for food like she's some servant! — except it's ruined by the context of the situation. Namely, that Neo is already at a coffee shop. And Roman isn't rude about asking for one. And they've already traded presents in the form of a crazy expensive parasol for her and a new hat for him. Asking your crime partner, who just happens to be a women, to pick up a coffee on her way home when it’s clearly not a hassle, is not the outdated insult Myers seems to think it is. And that's what a lot of these choices are: details that don't break the novel by any means, but come across as out of touch none-the-less. 

Part Nine: The End (Okay, This is the Final Section) 

The novel concludes with Roman and Neo flying off together, avoiding the authorities, nothing they have to do except "set the world on fire" (208). It's a rather bittersweet ending given Neo's certainty that no one will ever catch them because we know, eventually, Roman will die and Neo will be left alone. I quite like ending things on that optimistic note, both because it fits their current mindsets and because it adds that extra, emotional punch for the reader. Their story isn't done... but it will be soon. 

And thus ends my review as well! Review? Analysis? Little mix of both, I suppose. Hardly the most succinct thing I've ever written, but what did anyone expect. Final thoughts? I still liked the novel. Despite everything above — despite re-wading through eight major problems I had with the text, ranging from minor preferences to arguably massive mistakes — my overall takeaway remains, "I'm glad I read it." It's been a long time since I actively enjoyed a RWBY story; where my entertainment and appreciation of the writing outweighed the problems I had with it. I know I'm far from the only one currently dissatisfied with the canon, so if you're looking to re-ignite some of that old, RWBY spark? Give Roman Holiday a try. 

And, of course, thank you for reading! 💜

[goldenavenger02]

they've come to get me (and everything's okay)

"Well, we don't have to worry about it then," Lloyd smiled, trying to push back the thought that there could be a group based around his father when he was being controlled by the venom of the Devourer, "it's probably just some misguided criminal who thought it looked cool."

•••

Despite the fact that they were looking for Master Wu, Kai made sure to check on Lloyd every few months in person.

The visits were only for a day or two, usually because Kai was going through the city to investigate yet another dead end lead, but the short hours he got to spend with Lloyd, he cherished.

So when he was in the city, six months after the events of the battle with the Hands of Time, he was excited to see Lloyd.

Even when he almost got run off the road by a motorcycle speeding past, a black ponytail sticking out of the back of the driver's helmet and what sounded like screeching coming from them.

Kai rolled his eyes, he was used to reckless drivers at this point in his life, but that emblem on the back of their motorcycle looked like…

Kai shook the thought out of his head, trying to shake the feeling of dread building in the pit of his stomach. 'It's just some abstract art, definitely not Garmadon.'

Before he could call PIXAL through their connected computer lines to let him know he was almost at the Bounty, she started calling him and he clicked "accept" almost immediately.

"Kai, you need to get to the canals. Master Lloyd has been critically injured, and I am struggling to get the Bounty there."

Panic hit his system as his foot hit the gas, the car nearly flying off the road as one thought jumped into Kai's head.

'What trouble have you gotten yourself into now, Lloyd?'

•••

Lloyd swallowed back the blood he could taste in his mouth, trying desperately to put pressure against the stab wound. But his hands were slick with blood, he couldn't hold down on it and he was starting to get really tired…

'Maybe I should start listening to PIXAL when she tells me to let the police handle it.'

Because bleeding out just outside of the canals wasn't exactly how he'd envisioned himself dying, and he knew that the kids who lived here were probably scared out of their minds.

Lloyd tried to press down on the wound again, unable to hold back the cry of pain that escaped his lips before his hands slipped again, and that's when reality fully sank in as he stared up at the twinkling stars.

'I'm not making it out of this one. The Green Ninja, dead from a stab wound from a regular criminal.'

"Lloyd!" A shout broke through his dimming vision, and he managed to turn his head, letting out a sigh of relief when it was Kai racing towards him and not the masked figure ready to finish him off, "holy!-"

Lloyd's hearing started to cut out and his vision went dark, no longer able to see Kai's panicked face. 'Maybe just a little bit of sleep…'

The cry tore through his throat and all he could feel was 'painpainpain' when he opened his eyes again, seeing Kai staring down at him, his hands obviously pressing down on the wound.

"PIXAL's sending the Bounty," Kai told him before adding, "you are not dying on me today."

Lloyd couldn't keep his eyes from shutting, only hearing one sentence before fading to darkness.

"Lloyd, stay with me."

•••

Kai pressed down harder when Lloyd's eyes fluttered close the second time. 'No response.'

"Lloyd, come on, kiddo. Don't do this, not now." Tears on his cheeks, blood on his hands, pale skin that was almost white under them.

Kai swallowed back the tears he was choking on, and took his hands off of Lloyd's wound, only to press them against his chest; it took two compressions before Lloyd's ribs cracked under his hand, making him cringe. It took five more before Lloyd gasped for breath while still unconscious.

"Thank The First Spinjitzu Master," Kai spoke softly as the Bounty appeared in the sky above them and the anchor dropped, allowing him to hold on while holding onto Lloyd's unconscious body, "we seriously need to install a gurney on this thing."

As soon as his feet touched the deck, Kai rushed Lloyd to control and laid him down where Zane's repairs were done before turning on the computer, watching as PIXAL's system glowed to life.

"Alright, Pix. I'm gonna need a scan, and then some instructions on how to take care of him," Kai explained while reaching over and holding pressure on the wound, leaning closer to whisper, "I'm not letting you die, not tonight."

•••

Lloyd's throat was dry.

There were plenty of things he could've focused on when he finally managed to pry himself from the hold of unconsciousness, but the first thought in his head was that his throat was dry.

He only had to try and grasp at his thoughts to figure out what happened before he blacked out, but then it hit him all at one.

'Stabbed and Kai's there and he's begging me to stay awake and blood everywhere and being tired…"Lloyd, stay with me." Kai.'

Kai had come to see him on his way to check out a lead, and now...he was in the hospital? Lloyd managed to open his eyes, taking in a breath of relief when he realized he was on the Bounty.

"Pix?" He managed to choke out, his throat ready to stop any words coming out of his mouth, but he tried again. "Pix, is Kai still here?"

He didn't get a response, which had been happening a lot recently, and instead the door opened, revealing an obviously exhausted but relieved Kai. "You're awake."

"Water." Lloyd managed to choke out, his words dying in his throat; luckily, Kai already had a cup waiting for him and tipped it against his lips, it was cool against his throat and immediately expelled the dryness.

"Easy, don't chug, you'll make yourself sick like that," Kai laughed while speaking, removing the cup from his lips, "you scared me for a minute there."

"In my defense, I wasn't trying to get stabbed, and definitely not by a run of the mill criminal."

"I don't think you ever try to get hurt," Kai added, which Lloyd couldn't argue with, before he continued, "Lloyd, we gotta talk about...something."

Lloyd didn't like the tone of his voice, and a pit grew in his stomach. He knew what Kai's serious voice sounded like, and this was definitely it. "What is it?"

"When I was driving into the city, before PIXAL called me, there was a motorcycle that nearly ran me off the road-"

"Are you okay? Did you get hurt?" Lloyd interrupted, instantly worried about Kai's well-being; he wasn't one to hide injuries, but since his case was much more urgent, he wouldn't put it past him.

"No, no," Kai insisted, and Lloyd let out a sigh of relief, "but the driver's bike had an insignia on it...Lloyd, it was a drawing of your dad. Your dad when he was…"

"Evil" didn't have to be said, Lloyd knew that it was exactly what Kai meant. "But it was just one, right? Just one picture on one motorcycle?"

"Yeah, just one."

"Well, we don't have to worry about it then," Lloyd smiled, trying to push back the thought that there could be a group based around his father when he was being controlled by the venom of the Devourer, "it's probably just some misguided criminal who thought it looked cool."

- Seven Months Later -

Nya considered it a stroke of luck that Skylor had a safe house in the canals; it gave them, being Misako, PIXAL, Darreth, herself and Lloyd, a chance to take care of themselves before relocating and meeting up with Skylor.

Nya swallowed back tears, wiping the ones that escaped from her eyes on the sleeve of her gi. She had been forced into hiding before when Nadakhan had painted them as criminals, but she had the others.

She had Kai, who would pull her into a tight hug every time she would get too into her head. She had Jay, who always knew how to make her smile even when she was crying. She had Zane, who always kept her calm with logic and critical thinking, but was never cold towards her. She had Cole, who would always talk her through what she was going through, and give her solid advice.

Nya winced as she pulled up her left sleeve, revealing a plethora of bruising that she immediately started to use what she could find in the first aid kit on, thoughts about the boys still swirling in her head.

'Kai, Cole, Zane, Jay...they were all prophesied to protect Lloyd and now they're gone,' she realized, applying a small ice pack against her wrist, 'I guess that makes it my mission then. To stay strong for him, and make sure he defeats Garmadon for good.'

Despite what she tried to tell herself, she couldn't keep the pang of mourning from stabbing her in the chest; it hurt as much as the tiger widow venom, but unlike that, the grief was much more agonizing.

She pulled down her sleeve and checked her face in the mirror; the skin around her eye was turning purple from the fight she had engaged in with Garmadon and there was a jagged scratch going down her chin, but the rest of the injuries were well hidden.

'That's the last thing Lloyd needs to blame himself for.'

And with that, she made her way towards the one bedroom where Lloyd was supposed to be resting after the fight; he had insisted on his mother, Nya, even Darreth taking the one bed, but they all knew that he needed it the most.

After all, he was the one who had lost his powers, who was still injured from his fight in Kryptarium; he hadn't stopped shaking since he landed on the small boat they had used to pick him up, but she couldn't even blame him. He had watched as the Bounty, their family, had been mercilessly… destroyed.

Nya swallowed back her tears and gently tapped her knuckles against the door, the kind of knock Kai would use when she was sick, injured or just upset; she wouldn't be surprised if Lloyd was suffering from a combination of all three.

She tapped against the door just a little louder this time, but when she didn't get a response, she opened the unlocked door and closed it behind her.

Nya couldn't keep her relief in when she saw the lump in the bed that confirmed Lloyd's presence where he was supposed to be and sat on the edge of it.

"Hey, did you get patched up?" She whispered softly as he laid her hand on his leg, unsure if he was awake.

"Yeah, PIXAL made sure of it," he responded. Nya was able to hear that his voice was thick with tears.

The room was quiet for a few moments; she was unsure what to say, or even what to do, but she had to do something before the tears that were threatening to emerge spilled over.

"Do you…," she could hear Lloyd swallow before trying again, "do you think that if I didn't trust her, we'd be okay."

"Lloyd, they would've gotten the mask with Master Wu if we didn't interfere. You had no reason to suspect her of anything, none of us did." Nya explained softly, pushing back anything that would disprove her point, when Lloyd sat up and she finally got a good look at all of the damage that the Sons of Garmadon, and Garmadon himself, had caused.

The cuts on his face were healing slowly, even though the one that had been next to his hairline was now covered by a white bandage.

His eyes were bloodshot and...they were no longer green. Instead, they were a medium brown with flecks of red in them, like they were when they first took him in. A scared, starving kid in a black hoodie with white paint splattered on it trying to be like his father.

"You didn't trust her at first, Nya. You said you didn't like her."

"And she pulled the wool over my eyes with all that girl talk, remember?" Nya asked softly, maneuvering so she could gently wrap her arm around his shoulder, "trust me when I say that no one blames you. You're not the first to get carried away with a crush."

"If you're talking about Skylar, she didn't get a choice. She was just doing what Chen told her to do," Lloyd's voice was shaky with anger and heartbreak as he pulled away from her hold, "And that worked out, didn't it? We're in her safe house, after all. Rumi is...she isn't being forced to do anything."

"I know you feel as though you have to put everything and everyone on your shoulders, but you don't," Nya spoke, her voice unwavering with a newfound determination, "The boys were prophesied to be your protectors, not the other way around-"

"And they're gone now! Master Wu, Cole, Zane, Jay, Kai, they're all dead! And if anyone else is going to die, I'd rather it be myself then you!" Lloyd shouted back, his eyes welling with tears, but the red coming through more than the brown.

Nya swallowed back her anger. Lloyd was grieving, he always felt the need to take personal responsibility, even when it wasn't his to be responsible for, and while that worked with Master Wu and the others, she was not going to let him do this to himself.

"I'm going to protect you from Harumi, Garmadon, The Sons of Garmadon, and anyone else who tries to fuck with you. I don't care that you don't want me to, that you feel as though offering yourself as a martyr will make this better, I'm going to," she got off the edge of the bed and started to make her way to the door, only stopping when she heard him sniffle.

"I know your life has been scarred by tragedy. That every time something good happens, something worse has to destroy it. But going into this rebellion, this...resistance, with the attitude of wanting to die for it…" she trailed off, finally turning around to see Lloyd's eyes on her, the tears finally leaving her eyes, "Lloyd, that will kill you. And I am not losing anyone else, not after today."

And with that, she finally left the room, only waiting for the door to click shut before allowing her grief to fully consume her.

'I can't believe I'm saying this, but Kai would've handled that better than I did.'

•••

Lloyd wasn't sure how much time passed from when Nya left his room to when he heard the door open, announcing Skylor's arrival with food, medicine, blankets and other essentials.

If he was being completely honest, he wasn't sure how long it had been since he had been held over the monorail by Rumi and…

The sinking feeling in his stomach made him want to curl up and sleep for weeks, but because of him and his stupid mistakes, he didn't get the luxury.

They didn't have much time before they got hunted down by the Sons of Garmadon, just enough time to patch up their injuries and now that Skylor was here, that meant she found a more permanent hiding spot.

Lloyd knew he should've listened to Kai when that motorcyclist nearly ran him off the road, but thinking back on it, he knew fully well why he didn't.

A year ago, when he had to take up the mantle of master for his team, he would've given everything up just to see his father again, even if that was in the cursed realm.

But now...now he was starting to think he'd be okay if he never saw him again, the memory of what Zane had said to Jay on the Island of Darkness ringing true in his head.

'"Perhaps it is better to remember our friends as we knew them in our hearts. Not as they are now."'

He remembered telling his mother that he didn't remember his father any other way, only for her to insist that he loved him and that it was the venom of the Great Devourer that did this.

But now...now he did remember his father. And this was not him, no matter how much the little voice in his head, the scared kid who didn't know where his destiny would lead him, insisted that it was. That he had saved him before, that he could save him again.

Lloyd stood on his shaking legs, still weak from his fight in the prison, and made his way to the main room.

Chen's takeout boxes were on the table and the others were scarfing down food like there was no tomorrow, but they stopped when he came in the room and looked at him expectantly, waiting for him to speak.

He adjusted so he was leaning against the doorway, his legs already threatening to collapse under him, before addressing the four members of his group who remained.

"I can't promise that the Sons of Garmadon aren't going to take us down, that my father will...do something worse. But what I can promise is that ninja never quit," he stopped for a second, his eyes catching Nya's small but determined smile, "and I know that not all of us are ninja, but we are something that could be even stronger."

He took a deep breath, memories of Jay, Kai, Zane, Cole, his brothers and memories of his uncle flooded his vision, before returning to the present.

"We are the resistance. And the resistance never quits."

[omgsomeonesomewhereonearth]

I’ll Write This Scene a Thousand Times - Ch2

AO3 || Chapter 1

Ship: Moceit (Janus/Patton)

Warnings: Arguing, smoking mention character outed before they're ready.

Summary: Patton and Janus get into an argument. Feelings are hurt, and then they are shared.

Taglist: Technically, I don't have one yet, but I'm tagging some people from the first chapter who seemed interested in reading more. If you want to be added or removed, send me an ask or message.

@iclaimedtobethebetterbard @princess-rosie @symphony-soldier-29 @stardustsides @ent-is-undecisive @roka-logical-lies @ifyouhadntbutyoudid @3-has-charm @moceit

...

“Come on, try to be more cute!”

His new pretend paramour was turning out to be quite the demanding director. Janus pursed his lips, leaning idly against Patton’s incredible cozy couch cushions as he watched him tilt his phone this way and that, trying to find the most natural angle for a staged relationship announcement.

“You wound me, Patton,” he deadpanned, “I was under the impression you already found me rather cute.” Patton glared - no, that was the wrong word. Something incredibly intrinsic in the nature of Patton didn’t quite allow him to ‘glare’. Patton pouted at him in the selfie camera, freckled cheeks puffing out in frustration.

Clearly, he didn’t have much trouble with that particular direction, Janus mused.

“Why can’t you just smile?”

“I am smiling.”

“You’re smirking!”

“Same thing.”

Patton made a very petulant noise indeed, “This needs to be believable!”

“You’re mistaken if you think anything where I’m-” he shuddered, “-smiling, will be remotely believable.”

Then he caught a look at Patton’s face. As funny as it was to wind him up, Janus wasn’t sure he wanted to see him actually crack today.

“Alright, look, why don’t you come closer?” he coaxed, shifting slightly and encouraging Patton to lean against him, draping his arm around his shoulder

“There you go, how sickeningly adorable are we?”

Within the frame of the selfie, they were adorable. Patton’s honey brown curls and fluffy white sweater were the perfect contrast against his fitted black button down - ofcourse, he already knew that, they’d chosen their outfits ahead of time. To anybody who couldn’t feel the stiffness in Patton’s shoulders, they probably looked like the perfect couple.

“Okay… you ready?”

Just as the countdown ticked to one, Janus turned his head and pressed a quick kiss against Patton’s cheek.

The camera clicked.

Patton whipped around to face him immediately after, cheeks darkening, “You - I didn’t know you were going to do that!”

Janus grinned, reaching for his wrist.

“And this is exactly why,” he replied in a voice not entirely devoid of smugness. The picture had been caught before Patton had had the chance to react, still smiling widely as Janus leaned over to kiss him, “You’re welcome.”

Patton blushed harder, spluttering slightly and quickly prying his wrist out of Janus’ grip, scooting back as far as the couch would allow. Janus let him go, following the embarrassed motion with his eyes.

Once he was at what he apparently deemed a safe distance away, Patton mumbled, “It is quite a good picture, actually. Better than any of the others we’ve taken today, anyway.”

“I’m sorry, what was that?”

“I said it was quite good, actually-”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t quite catch you saying that, would you mind -”

“Oh stop it!” the corner’s of Patton’s mouth twitched in what Janus chose to interpret as a smile.

He rose to his feet, feeling rather good about himself, “Well, now I suppose you can send that along to Logan for approval and we can be done here then? Er - not that this hasn’t been fun, or whatever.” he amended hastily. Nailed it.

“Oh, um - actually…”

Janus groaned, “I swear to God if you tell me we have to take another set of photos, ‘just in case’-”

“It’s not that,” Patton said quickly, “I was hoping we could talk.”

“Well, you’d better make it quick,” Janus drawled, “I do have actual engagements outside of this, you know.”

The words came out in a moment of pettiness and he regretted them almost immediately, partly because they weren’t remotely true - unless mooching around at his home counted as an ‘outside engagement’.

But as he said them, Patton deflated, his eyes downcast, his mouth drawing in to form a silent, plaintive ‘oh’.

“That’s okay!” he covered up quickly, as if he thought Janus hadn’t noticed his disappointment, “It was silly anyway, you don’t have to-”

“No no no, it’s quite okay,” Janus interjected hastily, “I can always take out the time for you, dear.”

Right, yes, flirt Janus. I’m sure that’ll somehow not make you the asshole here.

Patton gave him a wan smile. He gestured for Janus to sit, and he did, careful to leave space between them now that the camera had been put away. He watched Patton fidget for a few minutes as he tried to find the words he wanted to say.

“-So the night we… well, met, so to speak,”

Ah. Janus winced internally - he’d been wondering if Patton would want to have this conversation for a while now, and had dearly hoped he never would. Externally, he smirked. “Yes, I would say we were rather ‘well met’ - I’m glad you think so too.”

Instead of the frustrated groan that he was expecting, a burst of tiny, adorable laughter spilled out of Patton’s lips. Patton seemed just as surprised as him, lifting his hand to cover his mouth even as his shoulders shook and his dark eyes crinkled with delight.

It was hard not to smile back, with a laugh like that, especially when it had been his own idiotic joke that had caused it.

“That was quite funny,” Patton admitted as his giggles tapered off.

It had been terrible, but Janus wasn’t one to look compliment horses in the mouth. “Thank you, I try.”

Patton’s face sobered far too soon, “Um, did you - do you remember anything? From then, I mean?”

“I…” Janus considered, “I remember enough.”

The memories were hazy, though. He remembered leaving the premiere, going to get a drink. He remembered catching sight of an absolute vision in pale blue, gazing with wide, curious eyes at his surroundings, smiling and waving self consciously when he’d noticed Janus watching him. He couldn’t for the life of him remember what they’d talked about.

He hadn’t even known who Patton was, at the time, though he’d assumed he was at least semi-famous, given the usual clientele of the club.

“D’you - do you remember what I was acting like?” Patton asked haltingly, “Was I normal, I mean?”

Janus paused. He thought about the man he’d met , who laughed loudly and carelessly, who followed him eagerly to the dancefloor. Who looked at him like he would follow him anywhere, if Janus asked. He thought about the man he’d woken up next to, who’d been skittish, panicking, shrinking into himself when Janus so much as looked at him.

He thought about the way he’d felt when Patton laughed at his dumb joke.

“I’ve known you for about three days and you’ve been either tipsy or highly stressed for all of them,” he replied in a measured voice, “I’m hardly the person to ask how ‘normal’ you were acting.”

Patton nodded, though he seemed disappointed, his brow knit in confusion.

“It’s just - I don’t remember anything,” he started, voice strained, “I’ve gone over it so many times and I still can’t understand why I did it!”

Janus’ gut twisted far harder than it should have.

“Oh, thank you so much,” he snapped.

“That’s not fair,” Patton snapped back with just as much wounded ferocity, “You know what I mean - I’ve never done anything like that! I’m not like that, I stay out of trouble-”

“-Not like what, exactly?” Janus interrupted, narrowing his eyes, “Or should I say, ‘not like whom’?”

“Janus-”

Stop, he should stop, remove himself from the situation, calm down.

Janus had gotten to his feet without realising it.

“‘Stay out of trouble?’” he hissed, “We are grownups, have you considered that we shouldn’t be getting into ‘trouble’ for having consensual sex in the first place-”

“Of course I’ve considered it, but that doesn’t change the fact that we do, and we did!” Patton protested, “I’m just being realistic here, we both chose to be in this industry-”

Janus scoffed.

“And maybe you don’t care, but I-” Patton spoke right over him, “think I have a responsibility to behave-”

“Behave?” Janus laughed bitterly.

“You’re misunderstanding me-”

“Oh no, I think I understand just fine,” he interrupted, “I’m so sorry I led you astray, I assure you it won’t happen again.”

“I- I know it won’t?” Patton replied, dumbfounded, “Janus, I’m not trying to fight with you-”

“Well in that case, perhaps I should take my leave.” Janus cut in.

Patton looked dismayed, “Maybe that’s for the best, yeah,” he muttered eventually. He didn’t get up to show Janus the door.

Janus thought about slamming it behind him, but decided it would be rude and uncouth.

Besides, it would be far more satisfying to leave it open so that Patton would have to get up and close it. He was at the end of the corridor before he heard it click quietly closed.

He didn’t turn around.

…

Janus was mooching around in his flat. Janus was definitely not thinking about Patton as he did so.

Had he been about to cry, when he left? He wouldn’t have noticed at the time, what with his own anger, but the idea that Patton might have cried after he walked out made his heart clench.

Because that was fair, he grumbled to himself. It wasn’t like he’d said anything wrong, he was right - this whole charade they’d gotten trapped in, it was unnecessary and ludicrous, and it wasn’t his fault - wasn’t either of their faults.

God, he needed a smoke.

Just as he was reaching for the box hidden in his bedside drawer - why were they hidden, he lived alone - his phone buzzed. He’d been tagged in an image by @patton.theheart on Instagram. Ah yes. Even if they were both seething and furious at each other, the dance continued.

“Three perfect months with @totally_notalyre - we’re both so excited to finally share our relationship with you all!!! <3 <3 <3”

The comments were already flooding in, row after row of overwhelming positivity, keyboard smashing and heart emojis. Janus scrolled through them impassively, stopping to smirk at the ones raving about how attractive he was - well, he never claimed to be a modest man.

Then he saw one that made his blood run cold.

“So proud of you Patton!”

Followed by several rainbows.

And several more:

“I’ve been a fan of you since you were like, 16 and I’m so happy to finally see you living your truth!”

“Well done Patton! Don’t worry - your true fans will stick by you no matter what!”

“Thank you so much for sharing your true self with us, Patton <3”

The memories of the past few days, every version of Patton that lived in his head, flashed before Janus’ eyes in a very different light, ending with him cross legged on his couch, biting his inner cheek as he listened to Janus berate him.

He definitely needed a fucking smoke now. No he didn’t - he needed to call Patton, he needed to talk to him, to ask him - to ask him what? They were barely friends, and he’d just spent the afternoon yelling at him, what right did he have to demand answers?

“Calm down, Lyre,” he growled to himself, “Just call the man, be calm and subtle; you need to apologise to him if nothing else.”

“Hello?” Patton had picked up on the first ring. Did his voice sound subdued over the phone? Or teary?

“You weren’t out,” Janus blurted out clumsily. So much for subtle.

“I’m sorry?”

“When we had our… ‘encounter’,” he clarified, “You were still closeted?”

“Oh, that,” Patton replied flatly. He could practically hear him fidgeting over the phone, “Well technically, I wasn’t exactly closeted, I was just - trying to avoid talking about it until I was ready.”

“ …I’m so sorry.”

“No, no - it’s okay!” Patton said hastily, “I mean, maybe not ‘okay’, but looking on the bright side - I was planning on coming out in a few months from now anyway! So, you know, technically this took the pressure off!”

Despite his cheery tone, Janus got the feeling Patton didn’t quite believe himself. He definitely didn’t believe him. “You had one planned?” he asked.

“Well yeah, actually!” Patton admitted, “Technically, it’s still gonna happen - I’m gonna be releasing an album where I sort of share my experiences and feelings and stuff, so it’s not like I lost anything, I guess.”

You lost the right to control your own damn narrative, Janus didn’t retort, because he knew fully well that Patton knew that, he was just a relentless, infuriating optimist.

“Um… Janus?” Patton’s voice cut through his thoughts, “Just by the way - I’m not technically supposed to tell many people, so please just keep that quiet because I think Logan is already quite cross at me anyway?”

“Done,” Janus chuckled. Then he drew in a breath, ready to address the difficult part of this call, “Regarding my conduct earlier today - I believe I might owe you an apology.”

“No you don’t.” Patton responded quickly, far firmer than he’d ever been, at least with Janus.

“Patton-”

“You don’t,” he repeated, “Yeah, I mean - you could have been nicer, but you were right, and I said some less than nice things too! But, you know - when you sorta grow up in this industry, it becomes a bit hard to know which bits are normal and which bits are kinda…messed up? And our little spat today, it really kind of reminded me, so if anything, maybe I should thank you!”

“You should not.”

“Well-”

“If you can forbid me from apologising, I can forbid you from thanking me.”

“Yeah, okay, fair enough!” Patton’s giggle was just as infectious over the phone and Janus felt the corners of his mouth lift against his will.

“Ahem - well, lovely talking to you, as always, but I ought to get going now.”

“Goodnight Janus.”

“…Goodnight, Patton.”

[downwiththemutantnjnjaturtles]

We Met Within This Screen (chapt. 2)

[Donnie x fem reader]

Sfw, part 1 here

Intellectually, Donnie was the best matchup for their leader as today was sparring day. He'd gone against his oldest brother many times, sometimes even coming out the victor himself, but today was just not his day.

He held his staff with that iron grip of his and waited for Leo to come at him. Donnie was more on the defensive than any of his brothers; he had to be. Out of all he was weakest physically but superior in calculations, but he was missing range in this matchup. Leo had a hard time disarming him as his katana could sometimes get lodged in the solid wood staff, giving Donnie leverage to perform the finisher in the short time it took him to dislodge his sword. He thought this time would be how that would happen.

"You're slow today, Donnie," Leo said as he lunged at his brother with a swing of his katana, forcing Donnie to step back. He was too focused on blocking Leo's rapid succession of attacks to respond.

Leo reeled back to swing his blade again but Donnie parried and struck his arm with his staff, shoving it aside. For a split second, Leo actually thought he was fixing to go down by this move if Donnie could hit him again quick enough. But his brother hesitated in thought, and without any reluctance himself, he used his other katana to put him in a compromising position. The match was over and Donnie was forced to stand down.

"Why did you hesitate?" Leo questioned him, lowering his blade. Raph watched from the sidelines with Mikey as they prepared to go up next. Since Leo was the winner, it was Raph's turn next to spar in his younger brother's place.

Donnie huffed and dropped his stance, putting his staff away. "It's just an off day," he replied. Splinter wasn't there to dictate today's training session and tournament, so Donnie was already on his way out to go to his lab by the time Raph stepped up to spar. But Leo sheathed his sword and put a hand on Donnie's shoulder, stopping him in his tracks.

"You've been pretty eager to run back to your lab lately," Leo said matter-of-factly. He was wondering what was going on, why Donnie seemed weirdly distant the last couple of weeks. He had gone through a very withdrawn phase in earlier times upon entering his teenage years, but now, he was legitimately making everyone guess. He didn't snap at his brothers, and he wasn't any more impatient than usual. But something was different. He'd been spending a lot more time holed up in his lab, which everyone began to notice. Leo wanted to know what was wrong.

Donnie shifted and shrugged, "Like I said, I've been busy with some projects. Also, it's not like I have much to do out here beside training and patrol."

Leo opened his mouth to speak, but Mikey jumped on between them. "You missed game night last week! You never miss it," he butted in. Both Donnie and Leo gave him a look as if to say really? and he added in, "Well, uh...not usually."

Gently moving Mikey aside, Leo wanted to continue, but he saw Donnie staring at him expecting a follow-up when he didn't really have one. Whatever this was, Leo knew that coming at Donnie with questions was not the way to go about it. So he stepped back and gave his brother some space.

"We all have off days," Leo said finally after an awkward moment of silence. "Just work on your speed, Don."

"Got it."

With that, Donnie turned to leave, and Raph entered the ring to go against Leo in the last match of the night.

Once Donnie was gone, Leo got ready to spar with Raph. As they got into position, he contemplated bringing this recent development up with the other two, but decided against it in the end. He didn't want to incriminate Donnie, especially with Raph's assertive approach to handling things. Donnie could be somewhat flighty at times when it came to resolving matters of emotion, at times a little too introspective, but Leo couldn't fault him—he had his own struggles with that very thing, too.

Done, finally, Donnie thought as he skirted into his lab and started up the game. He was late to the party quite literally; training lasted longer than he'd thought, and he was disappointed to see that his newest friend was online, but not responding to his invite. Did everyone get together and play without him? After a few minutes, he almost decided on giving up. The instance made him contemplate whether he even wanted to continue this. Perhaps he'd been too eager.

He sighed. And then the menu pinged, and he was there reading the message in an instant.

Hey, sorry I partied up without you, I just didn't know if you were gonna be on or not :/

Without even thinking, he licked his lips typed back, repeatedly deleting and retyping his message to make sure it was casual but not too casual, apologetic but not desperate—

It's okay, don't worry about it

Likewise sorry it took me so long to get here.

That would do. He'd be lying to say he wasn't feeling that flutter in his stomach; the excitement of something new got to him in a way that only a discovery in his research did, or how he felt when he mastered a new technique in his training.

Let's get started then :)

They started the game, and this time he kept the mic on, as she did. They talked back and forth as they fought creatures and enemies and looted things, eventually coming to learn that she herself was in New York City. He was surprised; suddenly, the world felt a lot smaller, and he couldn't concentrate on just playing after that. The time they spent became more of an opportunity to converse than to play a mundane game for hours on end.

At some point, she switched the topic to his whereabouts. Donnie's breath hitched.

"I'm...not anywhere near. So it doesn't really matter," he told her, cringing. If the guys found out—if Splinter found out—he would be in such trouble.

"Oh," she paused for a moment, trying to find something to say. "That's alright, I don't want you to feel like you have to tell me, you know?"

He'd muted his mic to release a deep breath. He got lost in thought thinking about how in that moment, he wanted to be human. If he weren't a giant mutant turtle, he could actually form a connection with someone. It was a very "Mikey" thing to think, he reckoned, but at times he wanted friends just like his brother did.

"Yeah, sorry, I just…"

"It's really no problem, dude."

He felt as though he could hear the smile in her voice. What did she look like, he wondered. He wanted to see her, but he couldn't ask for that when he could never do the same. If he could get her name, he'd be in the clear to do some preliminary lookups on this person, but so far, she'd been dodgy about sharing info about herself as well. He couldn't blame her. They were two strangers online, one with a huge secret and the other completely in the dark about who he truly was. For all she knew, he could have been a creep, looking to stalk her online and perhaps do even worse. The thought made him feel almost nauseous, how she could be considering that about him as a possibility as they spoke. But she seemed comfortable enough. Unlike him, who was still slightly skeptical of the entire thing, because after spending his whole life in practical isolation, he was at a loss as to what to say or do after a certain point. The conversation died off and both of them thought simultaneously about how weird the sudden silence between them felt.

She hummed, as if searching for something to bring up. When she spoke, he was taken aback—"Hey, I'm gonna be honest, I really like talking to you but this game is getting boring. Do you wanna chat somewhere else?"

"Uh…" he trailed off, mind shooting blanks. Oh, was it just a horrible idea. He couldn't keep the jig up forever; the truth was bound to get revealed somewhere down the line. He was fixing to reject the proposition, tell her that he didn't want to take it that far. She could be anyone. The likelihood of it being a clever ruse on account of the Foot Clan was slim, but the paranoia still worked ambiently in the background noise of his mind. But his other doubt stopped him—when would he ever have a chance at this again? He wanted to have the strength to say no and leave it at that. The loneliness that crept up on him from time to time had something else to say.

"Yeah," he answered after a terribly long pause of mumbling, fighting with himself all the way as she told him where to add her. He could have kicked himself had it not been for the fact that he knew how to encrypt data, and that as long as he didn't leak a word about his inner circle or life, it would be okay. It didn't feel okay, though.

"Nice! I'll text you, see you later, Bo. I had a lot of fun tonight," she chirped.

Before he could respond, she was gone from the party, and the mic went silent. It happened so fast. He was barely caught up with the fact that he was now receiving messages and prompts to talk, but he couldn't bring himself to answer right away. He had to refocus his logic; how could this be used by the enemy as a way to get to them? Could they have somehow anticipated he'd download this game and find this random on there? The more the thought about it, the more glaringly obvious it was that it was not the case. It was just too improbable.

"The probability of the Foot being able to simulate such a specific scenario in order to get intel on us is so slim, it is practically non-existent," he told himself as he finally pulled up the messages. He read through them. "Approximately a zero-point-zero-zero-zero..."

My name is (Y/N), by the way :)

Well, that was easier than expected. He figured that somehow, the name suited you—a fitting name for such a personality. But it also gave him a glimmer of hope. It made him want to ask why you appeared to trust him, as he could be anyone on the Earth over the screen, not his benevolent self. Which she had no way of proving, technically. But he soon came to realize the screen painted him in a whole new light that it casted on him. It hit then that he could be anyone. He didn't have to be himself; not necessarily. She'd never have to know, as he could wear a human mask and she'd be none the wiser. Problem was, the lying made him feel guilty, and slowly would develop to be the thorn in his side.

Donnie thoughtfully stared at the screen. Now that he was here, some of his anxiety began to fade. He found himself actually able to talk, someone to listen to his tangents and even build upon them. They spent hours texting back and forth about anything and everything until it was almost time for him to put the phone down to leave for patrol. He felt giddy, like a kid, all over again.

________________________________________

Had you ever been able to talk to someone this easily?

You asked yourself that question as you exchanged with the faceless and nameless stranger over your screen, chatting from afternoon to night. Time flew by in an instant, with him, and you loved every minute. He was someone intellectual, but funny and so easy to talk to that it was as though the conversation carried itself. After some time he came out about his age after you revealed yours. Oftentimes, he'd just present to you a random question when the subject tapered off and run with it, like now:

What do you think of reptiles?

Puzzled, you took a second to reply. Odd question.

Why do you ask? Do you have one?

I was just curious

What do you think of them?

The chat indicator flip-flopped between "typing" and "idle" a few times before a message finally popped up, and you smiled. You'd learned over this short time that he was a dork in a cute way.

Well...I think they're pretty cool.

They've got natural armor and you would be surprised to know just how fast a turtle can be

You laughed a little to yourself. It was such a random thing to bring up, yet you were endeared. Deciding you'd go along with it, you asked him what else he knew about turtles.

Well...

__________________________________________________

Donnie was wondering what he was talking about just as much as she probably was. Stupid, he thought, facepalming. His first time really speaking with a human as an equal and he starts talking about turtles. Of course he knew a lot about them, he was one himself—but for some reason he found himself wanting to dispel myths and misunderstandings about turtles as if they reflected on him, when as far as she knew, he was just a human guy like herself.

He groaned lightly and typed, thinking up a fact that wasn't too conspicuous.

Red eared sliders are semi-aquatic.

As he typed the next part, he caught himself writing "we" instead of "they", to his dismay. He quickly fixed the error and continued, feeling weirdly exposed as it was almost as though in sharing this information, he was putting himself under a microscope for her to inspect.

They can hold their breath for up to thirty minutes, usually

Holding his breath was something he'd tested numerous times before. He and his brothers had actually made a game out of it on a few occasions, with Leo leading at thirty-three minutes, Donnie in second at thirty-one. Raph broke at twenty-nine minutes and Mikey followed behind in last at just twenty-seven. The ability could be trained, nonetheless.

That's interesting, I wonder what it's like to be able to go underwater so long?

It's kind of cool, you should try sometime

For THIRTY MINUTES?

Shit. He promptly replied:

No—not like I can hold my breath that long, I just mean you should try to see sometime I guess

I tested it just for the fun of it.

Looking up how long humans could hold their breath on average (between thirty seconds and two minutes), he bumped the number up a little bit and added:

Personally, I'm at two minutes and forty-five seconds

He was embarrassed, partially covering his face as he waited for a response. Such a foolish slip-up; he couldn't afford to say anything cryptic. But he still was fairly sure that he had recovered that alright. He couldn't help but think about how awkward or weird he seemed to her. Who talked about this?

I don't think I could hold my breath for more than a minute, kudos to you haha

Anyway, sorry to switch gears all of a sudden but if you don't mind me asking, what's up with your family? You have any siblings?

He told her no. He would not bring his brothers into this, lest it be the slim chance of a ploy, after all. He said his family situation was unconventional and left it at that.

With that, he said to her goodnight and put his phone away, getting up to go get geared for patrol. It was only then he noticed the figure leaning against the doorway.

Chapter 3

[rosiesandlilies]

𝐮𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐞?

Jennie X Female Reader 

(24.4k words)

synopsis: y/n kim was never close to her older sister, it could be because of the age difference considering her sister was fifteen when she was born, but y/n has tried everything to make jennie kim like her — all attempts were unsuccessful. why didn't jennie like her? 

A/N; Another fic of mine from wattpad. Hope you all enjoy :)

Kim Household, Hongdae 5:00PM

Author's POV.

y/n tried understanding but to this day, she still can't. y/n knows that all sisters aren't supposed to get along, but they at least still hold some love for each other but y/n doesn't know if that's the case when it comes to her own sister. her parents always told her that jennie's just a little older that's why she's like that, but y/n has seen her own sister get along well with their young cousins. y/n has seen the way jennie took care of their younger cousins, she's seen the way jennie plays with them so y/n is baffled as to why jennie hated her so much.

y/n has tried everything, she promises she has. she always cooked jennie's favourite foods whenever the older would visit home from work, whenever jennie would complain to her parents that her back hurt, or her body ached, y/n would be at the store buying jennie medicine. if jennie complained and said she wanted something, y/n would beg their parents for money just so she could buy it for her older sister, but all attempts were unsuccessful. all she would ever receive is a scowl or if it's in front of their parents, a forced 'thank you.' nothing was ever sincere and y/n could see that she was making no progress. all she wanted was an older sister who she could be best friends with, why was that so hard?

y/n was sixteen and jennie was thirty one, sure, jennie was usually always visiting home and chilling with their parents, but not once did jennie try to hangout with y/n. it made y/n insecure and unloved. her parents loved her but her sister didn't. y/n just didn't know why jennie hated her so much. y/n got to see roseanne get cuddled and kissed by alice and jisoo to jiyoon, but y/n was always there, alone with no one to talk to. sure, her parents were there and they were amazing parents but there's certain things a child can't talk to their parents about. y/n can't go up to her own mother and just ask why she was getting hormonal in the morning and why she was feeling things for girls. when y/n first experienced the experiences of boys, she had no idea who to turn to.

her father? nope, that's just weird. her sister? nope, jennie didn't like talking to her and if y/n remembers correctly, y/n is sure jennie hasn't spoken more than two sentences to her in their fifteen years of life together.

"y/n-ah!" the girl jolts from her chair and nearly falls on her ass hearing her mother yell her name from downstairs. having one last look at her uncompleted science work, y/n figures she'll just finish it after doing whatever her mother had called her to do. "yeah eomma?" chaerin walks up the stairs and leans on her daughter's door frame, crossing her arms. "i need you to call your sister y/n/n," y/n freezes and stands up from her spot. "....why?"

"your father and i are going to be in a conference call in five minutes and i need you to tell your sister that we're having lunch at halmeoni and halabeoji's palce."

y/n gulps, when was the last time she spoke to her sister on the phone? oh right, never.

y/n is surprised she even has jennie's number, unless jennie already changed it. "can you do that for me?" chaerin waits as her daughter looks everywhere but her. chaerin was aware of her daughter's relationship. she knew that jennie didn't like y/n, it was obvious that the entire kim family just decided to ignore it to not cause any more issues. chaerin can't help but feel bad for y/n but she has no control over what her daughter does and thinks. jennie is a grown woman, she knows right from wrong and chaerin is finished trying to parent her grown daughter. all she can do is be there for y/n and love her to fill the void that jennie has left as an older sister.

chaerin knows about the looks y/n gives roseanne and alice, she sees the envy that portrays in her eyes and chaerin knows that y/n wishes to have that.

"uhm..o-okay. is this still her number?" chaerin watches as her daughter shows her a contact, "yes it is." y/n nods lightly and scratches her head, "okay. i'll call her. when does she finish?"

"she finishes around five but i want you to call her now so that she knows in advance," y/n pouts and whines to her mother, "but eomma, she can be busy and i don't want to disturb her.." chaerin shakes her head and sits down on her daughter's bed. "you won't disturb her, you're family."

y/n wants to think that's true, she wants to believe that jennie at least sees her as family but she knows it's far from the truth, jennie can't even stand being in the same room as her. when y/n was four, jennie got mad at her because she accidentally mixed up jennie's school papers that were lying on the coffee table. y/n will never forget the way jennie looked at her with so much hatred and pure anger. "she's a lawyer eomma, she's probably busy. i'll do it when she's done work," chaerin sighs and pulls her daughter to sit with her on the bed.

"y/n, please. jennie won't get mad at you. i promise."

"..okay." chaerin smiles and kisses y/n's cheeks, "thank you y/n/n."

y/n watches as her mother walks out of her room after giving her a near impossible task. y/n is surprised jennie didn't change her number. y/n looks at her phone and hesitates to click jennie's number.

maybe she should come up with an excuse or maybe she should just text her sister but y/n knows that jennie is busy and a text will not get her attention. "fuck me.." y/n says softly so that her mother or father doesn't hear her. apparently her parents could hear from a mile away but when she talks beside them or shouts back when they call for her they can't hear her. y/n laughs at the irony.

after hesitating for four more seconds, y/n clicks on jennie's number and lifts the phone to her ear.

it rings once, twice and three times. y/n sits there, waiting and as she's about to give up, she hears jennie pick up the call.

*phone conversation*

"what?"

"....u-unnie..i uhm..eomma asked-"

"do you not know how to speak?"

"s-sorry..i just, eomma needed me to call yo-"

"okay about what? can you hurry up because i'm busy."

"we're having dinner with halmeoni and halabeoji tonight, so eomma said that you can just go straight there after work."

"that's all? why didn't you just text me? you're wasting my time."

"i- sorry. i didn't think a text message would get your attention."

"i would've seen it after work. do you not have any logic?"

"i'm sorry unnie."

"whatever. bye."

"bye-"

*phone conversation - end.*

y/n lowers her phone and feels tears start to prick her eyes. jennie's voice was just so cold. it was so distant and y/n felt herself feel so small whenever she was involved with jennie. would it have been better if y/n was never born? did jennie hate her that much for being born? was jennie jealous because she got more attention when jennie needed it during her high school years? all these thoughts ran through y/n's head, she was so beyond confused and had no idea how she was going to make it better or how she was even going to begin.

all y/n wishes is for the dinner to go well.

~

Cheongdamn, South Korea

5:20PM

Author's POV.

jennie surprisingly arrived on time that she herself was even shocked. jennie wasn't the best at coming to things on time or early. she was a busy woman, her career was going well and that's all she was focusing on. she didn't have time to play around or goof off, she was a serious woman who had an agenda and priorities.

"jennie, can you stay with your sister while we go pick up some things for dinner?" jennie hears her mother speak while she was working on some documents of her latest case, "and can you please put those away and not do work. talk to your sister while we're gone," chaerin looked at her with those same eyes and jennie just rolled her own, "you can't force me to talk to y/n," y/n was sitting in the same table as jennie so she could hear everything loud and clear. y/n wasn't sure if jennie was speaking loudly like that just to spite her but y/n knows that that's exactly what jennie is doing.

"jennie kim."

"eomma. i have so many things to work on and i can't have-"

"jennie, you barely talk to your sister, use this time to-"

"eomma no. i have more important matters to focu-"

"just this once."

jennie relented and started rummaging through her papers, completely ignoring her mother and sister who were both staring at her. "we'll be back in a few minutes," chaerin kisses jennie's forehead and then y/n's. y/n and jennie watch as their family gets into their cars and heads off to wherever they were heading, leaving the two of them alone.

it was so awkward, y/n just wanted to get out of the dining room and go outside just to escape this awkward atmosphere. all she could hear was jennie's papers and the click of her laptop. y/n knows it's best not to bother her sister so she pulls out her phone and starts texting the group chat that jisoo made.

*text conversation*

lisa - italics roseanne - bold jisoo - italics bold

: chaerin kim left me with my sister

manobangbang: shit, really? aren't you supposed to be at a family dinner?

: yeah but they all left because they needed to get something so now im left with jennie and all shes doing is wrking :/

chaeng: how are you holding up? is she being mean to you??

turtlerabbit: if she is, lemme beat her up. i know kungfu

: jisoo...you said you could play the drums but all you did was bang repeatedly on one of them

turtlerabbit: fuck you.

manobangbang: why don't you try talking to her? see if she actually responds?

chaeng: babe, are you asking our best friend to get a death sentence?

: thank you chae. i'm not trying to get killed today. i had to call her today and she was just...very cold. i don't know what else i could od, i don't even know why she ahtes me sm..

turtlerabbit: the amount of typos..

chaeng: jisoo..

: shut the fuck up chu, i don't need your negative imput rn. this is so awkward, i don't know what to do.

manobangbang: just leave and go somewhere else?

: gee, why didn't i think of that lisa? wow.

chaeng: no srsly, why dont you just leave or smth?

: that's rude chae, i don't want her to think i'm rude too. she already hates me enough.

manobangbang: well since you don't want to do anythign with your situation, you're just gonna have to bear with it.

: ughhhhhhhhh, why couldn't your family come chu? this would've been less awkward.

turtlerabbit: sorry y/n/n, we're having dinner at my sisters today :)

: fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkk.

chaeng: what's she doing rn?

: still working, why can't she just leave first so i don't have to leave?

manobangbang: hey baby, i have your food, open the door :))))))

manobangbang: oh shit. wrong chat, fuck.

turtlerabbit: KNEW IT! YOU'RE SUCH A SIMP FOR CHAE! YOU SAID YOU WEREN'T GOING TO BUY HER FOOD JSUT BECAUSE SHE ASKED YOU LIS!

: aweeeee, lisa is so sweet.

chaeng: you said that lis? wow..if i recall properly, you bought me pads and tampons yesterday at three because i said i ran out and then you proceeded to buy me food with that :/

manobangbang: chae..abby, i was just joking :(

chaeng: who the fuck is abby?!

manobangbang: BABY***** BABY** I MAENT BABY NOT ABBY.

turtlerabbit: uh-oh....BAJAAHHAHAHAHAHHA this shit is getting interesting.

: you guys are such a mess.

chaeng: shut the fuck up y/n and go back to your petty sister.

: FUCK OFF CHAENG ABAHAHAHAH. ya'll are so annoying.

manobangbang: babe..please open the door. i'm sorrryyyy

chaeng: go home lisa.

manobangbang: babe it was a mistake! i promise, there's no abby!

turtlerabbit: keep it going chae, my popcorn will not be wasted.

: soo, wanna give me sum?

turtlerabbit: i dunno, do i like you enough?

: i dunno, do you?

manobangbang: in front of my salad, really? go home you two and stop flirting.

chaeng: LISA!

: oh fuck, jennie just left the table...welp. looks like i've gotta go now.

chaeng: awe babe..i'm so srry :(

turtlerabbit: do you need my popcorn? i can bring you sum :(

manobangbang: tell jennie to fuck herself :) love you.

: bye guys!

*text conversation - end.*

y/n looks up from her phone and sees jennie returning back to the table, her face looking like the usual bitch face she always had. y/n was about to leave but seeing jennie return back to the table made y/n feel obligated to stay.

jennie sits down across from y/n and resumes her work, not one uttering a word to her younger sister. y/n sighs and gets up from the table, she decided to create some coffee for herself since she was craving it.

"unnie...do you want coffee?" jennie doesn't respond and continues typing on her laptop like y/n didn't even exist. y/n just nods to herself and tries to keep her tears at bay. all she wanted was for jennie to talk to her. damnit, why was it like this? was jennie still mad at her because she messed up her school assignments? it didn't matter how hard y/n tried to think, she can't think of why jennie hated her so much.

jennie clearly heard y/n's question but it wasn't important so why should she answer? this case in front of her was more important than what her sister was asking her about. she knows she's a bitch to her little sister and although she can't pin point the reason why, all she knows is that it's too late to fix whatever is between y/n and her. y/n was way too young to even understand what jennie was thinking so why should jennie bother trying to make her younger sister understand?

y/n was just her sister, that's all. they're just blood related, they don't have to be best friends and jennie is sticking by that. they can co-exist together but that's all they'll ever be.

did jennie feel bad? not really. did y/n deserve to be treated this way? no, but it was better this way.

"hopefully while we were away you two actually talked," jiyong spoke as he set the groceries down on the table, but seeing as his eldest daughter was still working and y/n was no where to be found, jiyong quickly figured out that the two didn't speak the whole time they were gone. jiyong sighs and closes jennie's laptop. "appa, what the hell?" jennie spoke through her teeth, she was almost finished. "your mother and i asked you to speak to y/n jennie but she's no where to be found," jennie only now noticed that y/n wasn't in the kitchen anymore. looks like y/n left after making her coffee.

"i have work appa, that's more impor-"

"more important than your sister jennie?" jennie rolled her eyes, her parents were always on her ass about y/n, why should she care about y/n? "she's sixteen appa, she can find entertainment herself," jennie rolled her eyes and jiyong slammed his palm on the table. he was sick and tired of seeing his eldest treat his youngest like shit. he's seen the way y/n tried her hardest ever since she could speak to try to get close to jennie.

jiyong remembers the one time y/n wanted to sleep with jennie because she had a nightmare but all jennie did was push her away and yell at her for coming into her room. jiyong still remembers the way y/n looked, her eyes were the saddest he's ever seen. it broke his heart. jennie was a lovely girl but ever since y/n was born, she just started turning different.

"jennie, you know-" jennie was thankful that her grandpa walked in or else she would've had the same conversation she's had with her parents over and over again. jennie wasn't sure she wanted to hear it again. "are you two ready to start the grill? y/n is excited already," sunghyun speaks as he curls an arm around his eldest granddaughter. "yes appa, we're ready," jiyong says with a forced smile as he walks away from the two. "okay, come on then jenjen, let's go and start to eat."

~

family dinner was awkward, y/n tried her hardest to not make it awkward but they kept asking her about her dating life and y/n didn't want to answer questions like that in front of jennie, she didn't want jennie to judge her taste in women and didn't even know if jennie knew she was gay.

"do you have a girlfriend yet?" their grandma asks, her smile so bright that y/n couldn't help but to smile as well. "uhm..no, not yet halmeoni," jennie was sitting beside her, surprisingly and y/n was glad she didn't receive a glare when her grandma flat out asked if she had a girlfriend.

jennie was quiet the entire time but when their grandma mentioned a girlfriend, jennie couldn't help but grip her fork a little harder. her sister was way too young to be dating.

"so you're not with jisoo?"

"n-no..halmeoni. jisoo and i are just friends,"

"but jisoo told me she liked you," y/n didn't know whether to be shocked that jisoo actually like her or the fact that her grandma just exposed jisoo without even knowing. "oh..i-i..i didn't know that," chaerin laughs and shakes her head at her mother, "eomma, you just outed jisoo's secret," their grandma stops for a moment and laughs before shaking her head, "oh well. at least now y/n can say that she likes jisoo back-"

"halmeoni, y/n already said that she and jisoo aren't dating. stop pushing the subject," jennie's cold cut voice breaks the easy conversation at the table. y/n looks at her sister in shock, she didn't expect for jennie to defend her let alone even talk about her. jennie doesn't know why she did what she just did so she just keeps her head down and continues eating her food.

y/n has never seen jennie look so angry before. sure jennie has been angry at her multiple times for reasons that y/n still has no idea why, but this kind of angry look that jennie had made her shiver.

the rest of dinner goes by without any more comments from jennie or y/n, they both just let the older adults in the room talk, occasionally jennie would join in but because y/n was literally only sixteen, not even a legal adult yet, she stayed out of most of the conversations and only answered when conversation was directed at her.

~

through her daze, y/n gets shook awake. it's not the gentle way her mother wakes her up nor the loving way her father wakes her up, this person who was waking her up was ruthless. "y/n, wake up. you'll be late for school."

more shaking and y/n finally opens her eyes and turns to her side to see who the fuck was waking her up at six in the morning when her classes didn't start until eight thirty. "w-what the? unnie?" jennie's face is the first thing y/n sees and y/n isn't too sure what to think. was she dreaming? why the hell was her older sister in her room, waking her up when jennie barely even went into her room when she was still in high school?

"yeah, get up and get ready for school."

"what are you doing in here?" y/n watches as jennie goes into her closet and picks out an outfit for her, takes out a pair of shoes and sets it beside her bed all while responding to y/n. "eomma and appa can't take you to school today and it's my day off so appa asked me to take you. now hurry up or you're walking to school," there's no way jennie kim just agreed like that. their parents probably had to pay jennie loads of cash just for jennie to agree.

y/n wipes her eyes and looks at her clock. "my school doesn't start until eight thirty today and it's five.." y/n tries her best to sound polite and not annoyed because she just got woken up at five and jennie never interacts with her and she finds herself not wanting jennie to leave already but she's so tired and jennie just woke her up at five.

"doesn't mean you can't get a head start on your day. hurry up, i'll be downstairs."

"unnie-"

"it's jennie."

"but you're my unnie-"

"i don't want you to call me that. it's jennie for fucks sake y/n, get used to it. now hurry up and stop wasting my time."

y/n clutched onto her bedsheets and looked at jennie's figure that was near her bedroom door. "why did you even agree to this?"

"who says i agreed?"

"well you're here, aren't you?"

"just because i'm here doesn't mean i agreed willingly. this is the last place i want to be." and with that, jennie left her room, leaving y/n to sit on her bed and wonder if it was even worth it being in this family when her own sister didn't even like her.

y/n talks a shower, longer than usual since she had about three hours to spare. her mind just couldn't wrap her head around jennie being in the same house as her. as soon as jennie turned twenty three, she moved out and y/n hasn't seen her since. sure jennie always comes regularly to hangout with their parents but in those times, y/n knows that jennie doesn't want to see her so she usually hides out in her room or hangs out with jisoo, lisa or roseanne. now though, jennie was actually here because of y/n and y/n didn't know if she liked it or hated it.

she always felt like she was walking on eggshells whenever it came to jennie, she felt like one wrong move and she'll trigger jennie. she learned by the age of six that it's best to leave her older sister alone and not get in the way if she wanted to live peacefully in the house, if she got in jennie's way or made the girl mad that only meant for their parents to get mad and then a whole screaming match would ignite in their home and y/n didn't want any more of those, so she learned how to back off and mind her own business whenever it came to her older sister.

but that doesn't mean she didn't try. she always did try with jennie, always tried to get on her good side by doing things for her, cooking for her and gifting her things even though y/n is fully aware that jennie can but herself all the luxuries in the world, especially now that she was an adult with a blooming career. but like always, y/n was unsuccessful.

it's not like she stopped trying but she just stopped trying to gift jennie or cook for her, she just wanted to talk with her sister and hangout but it's so hard when you don't know why she hates you in the first place.

y/n gets out of the shower and dries herself off, she takes the outfit that jennie got from her closet and puts it on. a band-like Chanel shirt paired with black Dickies cargo pants. y/n was really happy when her mother gifted her that Chanel band-like vintage looking shirt during christmas, she's always been a fan of Chanel.

as per usual, that christmas, jennie didn't gift her anything but y/n was already used to it. it used to affect her, especially when she was young but now y/n was just used to it and didn't expect jennie to care enough to give her something. she just appreciated that jennie was with them during christmas.

after putting on some light make up to cover her eye bags that she gained because of non-stop studying, she prayed on some Chanel no.5 perfume and exited her bathroom.

heading downstairs with her shoes in her hands because in their asian household, shoes weren't allowed to be used inside the house, y/n cautiously walks to the kitchen where she was going to prepare her breakfast and lunch since she had way too much time.

she usually bought lunch or breakfast with jisoo or lisa since they were the ones she'd meet up with in the morning but since she had too much time to spare because of her sister waking her up at such an ungodly hour, she decided she'd put her cooking skills to test and make her own food.

but she was surprised to see jennie there, a plate full of food and her bento container filled to the brim with food. "what are you doing just standing there, hurry and eat before it gets cold." jennie spoke as she sipped on her coffee and continued working on her work. "t-thank you unnie."

"it's jennie. get it through your head."

"i'm sorry."

not another word is spoken and y/n eats awkwardly with her sister sitting in the same island table as her. she expected jennie to leave and go to the living room but she stayed and kept y/n company. well that's what y/n is pretending, she's pretending that jennie is staying at the table because she's wanting to keep y/n company but y/n knows that jennie prefers the table to work at, she's always been like that ever since high school.

"we'll leave at 8:00." jennie speaks, her eyes never leaving the screen and her fingers never stop the typing on her laptop. y/n watches and worries for jennie's eyes and despite jennie's glasses on her face, y/n still worries that her sister's eyes are getting worse because glasses can only help so much.

"okay, i'll be meeting with jisoo anyway."

"jisoo again? don't you have any other friends than her?"

"...lisa and chaeng have something planned together this morning so jisoo and i are just going to hangout before classes." jennie stops typing and y/n waits for jennie to do something but the girl just resumes.

"we'll leave at 8:20 then," y/n furrows her eyebrows and looks at her sister weirdly, "but-"

"are you going to complain? i'm already here instead of relaxing on my off day, don't expect me to follow your rules."

"unnie i didn't-"

"i told you not to call me unnie."

"well what do you expect me to say? you're my sister,"

"so? does it mean i want you to call me that?" when y/n doesn't say anything, jennie just scoffs and shakes her head. "exactly. so stop calling me that because we're not close for you to be calling me that."

y/n just nods and loses her appetite. "i'll be back down when we're ready to go."

jennie doesn't even move when y/n leaves the table, all she's concerned about is her work.

it's eight twenty when jennie checks up on her sister to see if she's ready to go. she sees y/n on the bed, phone in hand, smiles on her face and giggles coming out of her mouth. jennie rolls her eyes and tightens her grip on the door knob. "y/n, stop talking to whoever on the phone, let's go." y/n abruptly stops the conversation and nods her head, eyes not meeting jennie's. "did eomma and appa raise you to be like that?" y/n looks at her older sister in complete confusion, "what?"

"didn't they teach you to look into the eyes of the person who's talking to you? you don't look down like you're blind y/n." y/n trembles in her spot and gulps, jennie was absolutely terrifying and so incredibly mean that y/n just didn't know how to act around her. anything she did, even the slightest, could set jennie off. "i'm sorry unnie-"

"one more slip up and you're walking to school." usually when siblings say this, they don't actually mean it but y/n knows jennie, even though they aren't close, she still knows her sister and she knows her sister isn't joking. joking was something jennie didn't do. in all her sixteen years of life, y/n has never heard her sister crack a joke or laugh or even smile. it was like when she was born, jennie just decided to stop living life lightly.

did y/n steal their parents' attention so much to the point where jennie had to start acting like an adult when she was just a teenager?

"are you coming down or not?" jennie speaks again, her eyes showing great irritation and y/n pathetically nods before walking behind her sister.

"i don't like you hanging around jisoo," jennie stated as they both got into jennie's sleek 2021 Porsche 911 Turbo S (a/n: yes, i love cars. what's new bahah).

y/n realizes that this is probably the longest conversation she's ever had with jennie and the girl uses it to criticize her friendship with jisoo. one of her best friends. "why..you like rosie and lisa," jennie watches as y/n goes to sit in the passenger seat but after seeing her sister's eyes watching her like a hawk, y/n decides it's best to sit in the back seat. "i never said that," y/n furrows her eyebrows and remembers the times where jennie has actually smiled they were always directed towards roseanne or lisa. jennie never smiles. her happy face was her bitch face.

"but you smile at them?" y/n responds quietly, she didn't want to anger jennie or set her off while she was driving. "doesn't mean i like them. it's called putting on a front y/n, don't you know what that is?" y/n wants to respond in a sassy tone but she can't find it in herself to bring attitude whenever she spoke to jennie. even though the older girl barely acknowledged her, y/n respected her so much and looked up to her.

she admired jennie to the point that whatever jennie gave her, she'd be fine with. all she ever wanted was just for her and jennie to see eye to eye. if jennie couldn't love her like a sister, or care for her, then y/n would accept anything else jennie had to offer.

call her desperate but y/n still loved jennie and she felt attached to her. she liked having jennie around even though the girl would curse her out or glare at her like she was a criminal.

so y/n keeps her mouth shut, fingers picking at her nails to distract her of that awkward air inside jennie's car.

jennie looks in the rear view mirror and watches as y/n fidgets with her hands, jennie sighs and shakes her head. her sister was too sensitive. so what if jennie didn't like jisoo? jisoo wasn't a good influence on y/n anyway. y/n was too good of a student to be getting distracted by girls like jisoo. jennie simply didn't like jisoo for y/n, that's that.

"what time do your classes end?"

"around three but i need to study so i get home around eight."

"are you stupid? why would you do that?"

"because i need to study-"

"you're just setting yourself up for disaster y/n. that's such a stupid decision to make."

y/n wonders in her head what made jennie annoyed again. they were just having a conversation of their classes. "i'll pick you up at three sharp. you aren't going anywhere after and can study at home."

"i need to study with roseanne-"

"does it look like i give a shit y/n? i need you at home so that i can attend to more important matters other than taking care of you-"

"okay."

without another word, y/n's heart felt heavy, filled to the brim with emotions she wasn't sure she was able to swallow, she exited her sister's vehicle.

jennie shakes her head when jisoo appears by y/n's side and tugs the girl into a hug. y/n was only setting herself up for failure if she kept hanging around jisoo.

~

"hey, y/n, babe. you need to tell us what's going on." y/n snaps her head towards the direction of that voice. y/n spots roseanne leaning on lisa's shoulder while sipping on a juice box, an organic one at that. "going on? nothing's going on," roseanne shakes her head and leaves her girlfriend's side to sit next to y/n. "we've been best friends for so fucking long y/n, you can't hide things from us, we'll know either way."

it was lunch break and y/n couldn't really eat the lunch that jennie made her. it wasn't that it tasted bad, it was really good, y/n knew her sister was a good cook. y/n figures that jennie got that gene from their parents since y/n wasn't that bad at cooking either. their father always whipped up the best dishes. y/n just couldn't really swallow anything and keep it in her stomach. she couldn't stop thinking about the ride in jennie's car and the conversation they had. jennie was so cold but also seemed to love telling her what to do, which made no sense.

jennie didn't care about y/n, it was obvious, but y/n found it weird that jennie seemed so distant but also wanted to dictate her life. they barely spoke at all and now jennie found it appropriate to tell her sister do's and don'ts when they barely know each other. it was ridiculous, y/n had no idea why jennie acted like that.

she was hot and then she was cold. y/n now knows why jennie is lawyer, that girl was so hard to read.

"guess who made my lunch," lisa took a slice of cucumber and then fed the rest to roseanne who was sitting across from her, "who."

"jennie." jisoo stopped drinking her milk and looked wide eyed at y/n, "your sister? what the fuck? is she possessed?"

"no jisoo..she got forced into taking me to school and getting me ready because eomma and appa were already at work."

"then why did she make you lunch when she could've easily gave you money?" lisa asked as she started working on her forgotten chemistry lab.

"you think my sister would want to spend money on me?"

"sure seems like a better option than spending time making you homemade food."

"she doesn't like you guys, apparently," y/n felt like it was right for her to get that out of her chest. jisoo snorts, not really giving a fuck if jennie liked them or not. "what does she like? that woman is a fucking prude," y/n shakes her head, "jisoo. stop it. that's my sister you're talking about."

"well..your sister is a prude. she hates literally everything. it's like life fucked her over but she's literally living the best life right now. she's a wealthy attorney, has her own place, she's not ugly looking, has a loving family who puts up with her bullshit and a sister who actually cares about her despite the shit treatment she receives. what more can she want? she's a prick y/n."

"how about we tone it down you two? i think it's nice that jennie prepared you lunch y/n/n. it's something," y/n thanked roseanne for her positive input and cheery attitude that made y/n feel a little bit better but y/n knew that jennie just didn't want to get in trouble with their parents so that's probably why she put effort into her lunch.

"are we still studying after school?" lisa munches on her fries and scribbles something on her lab assignment, hoping that it'll somehow be right. she didn't want to ask her chemistry crazy girlfriend for answers, and although lisa loved roseanne, she didn't want roseanne to teach her, she just wanted the answers.

"i can't," y/n speaks, her mind drifting in and out of her thoughts. she was only sixteen, why was she stressed out already? the bad part was that it wasn't because of school. "why not?" jisoo reaches over and plays with y/n's fingers absentmindedly. roseanne and lisa both look at each other but all roseanne does is kick lisa's shin because the girl was going to comment something again. "unnie is coming to pick me up, she wants me to go straight home and study there," jisoo pouts but y/n doesn't notice, too wrapped up in her food to notice the raven head, "but we're just going to the café to study.."

y/n nods and wipes her mouth with a napkin, her other hand falling on top of jisoo naturally. "i know but she thinks it's dangerous to go home late after. i'll just facetime you guys," roseanne whines lightly and y/n can't help but coo at roseanne's face, her cheeks looked chubby when she made that whiny face.

"i'll come next time, this is just a one time thing. i promise."

~

turns out it's not just a one time thing because the very next week, y/n sees jennie in their home again. like usual, there's no greeting for her but y/n's used to it so she just sits on the kitchen island and waits for her mother to explain why her older sister was in the house.

chaerin fixes jennie a cup of coffee and jennie eagerly sips on it. she was running on two hours of sleep and god knew how much she needed coffee. her assistant at the firm always got her coffee order wrong and her new case was taking up all her time, she barely got to rest when she became an attorney but now sleep was just non-existent.

"how's work jennie?" chaerin asks quietly as she looks at y/n preparing her small breakfast. her daughter was an athlete but definitely didn't eat much for an athlete. y/n loved competing ever since she was young, she loved competing in sports, music and arts. so when y/n got older, chaerin didn't shy away from providing y/n with the opportunities. so y/n took up soccer, volleyball, piano and fashion. chaerin often got worried for her youngest daughter because she was still so young and already did so many things and on top of that she had school and her studies to keep up with, but whenever chaerin sees the satisfied smile on y/n's face after a game or after a new piano piece, she lets those worries disappear.

jennie however, was not like her younger sister. the girl was more academically involved than physical sport and music. jennie was student council president all through out high school, was the head cheerleader (that was the only physical thing jennie did), leader of the math club and science club. jennie loved academics, she was the top of her classes throughout high school so it was no surprise to chaerin when jennie wanted to become a lawyer.

"it's fine." jennie answers shortly, she wasn't in the mood to speak or even be in her childhood home. she just wanted to sleep.

"your father and i are going to be gone for two weeks," jennie nods, her mother's words not really registering in her mind. y/n continues to stir whatever was inside the pan and tries to remember what she studied for last night. "we're going to be in Bali for two weeks, attending a business conference," once again, chaerin sees that her children aren't listening.

"and since y/n is sixteen, i don't want her to stay home alone for two weeks."

no response, jennie is finishing up a draft email and y/n is too busy eating her eggs.

"so jennie, y/n will stay with you until we get back."

that's what gets them, chaerin mentally prepares herself for her eldest daughter's verbal attacks.

"you don't expect me to take care of a sixteen year old when she's very much capable of doing that herself." y/n doesn't say anything and tries to block out whatever jennie is saying and is about to say. y/n knows that none of the things that will come out of jennie's mouth will be nice.

"i actually do jennie. it's about time you do it,"

"why is that?" jennie challenges her mother.

"because she's your sister and not once have you gone out of your way to check up on her."

"do i need to? she has mommy and daddy there with her through everything! i don't need another problem added on my plate. my job barely lets me sleep and i don't need to take care fo something else."

"jennie kim. sit down and don't talk to your mother that way," jiyong interrupts after getting fed up with his daughter's yapping voice. she was worse than his wife sometimes.

"appa. you're asking me to take care of someone while i have a demanding job that requires me to tend to it twenty-four hours a day. i don't need another responsibility. why can't she just go to jisoo's house, she seems to love going there anyway." jennie side eyes her sister when she says that and y/n just clutches onto her fork, her teeth were grinding and she so badly wanted to defend herself but she also knew jennie had a point. she shouldn't be interfering with her sister's life like this.

she already interfered when she was born. she couldn't have jennie hate her even more.

"so what? you want me to put my life on pause just because of y/n?"

"jennie, you did this to yourself. you're letting your sister stay with you until we get back. i don't you to argue with me anymore."

jennie bit her tongue from talking back. her hands lay lifeless on the table as she tries to process what just happened.

"two weeks. that's it."

chaerin motions for y/n to go upstairs and get ready to get to school while jennie was stuck trying to convince her parents that y/n didn't need to stay with her. she didn't want y/n to stay with her. it was just going to cause things to stir and jennie didn't want that.

unfortunately, all the begging and whining that the thirty one year old did was no match to her parent's stubborn brain. she was still stuck with y/n for the next two weeks.

y/n was shitting her pants as she tried to pack clothes for the next two weeks. she was slightly excited to stay with her sister but also not. jennie was going to kill her, she knew that for sure. she felt terrible for making her sister pause her busy life just so y/n could fit in her schedule. y/n didn't want jennie to feel obligated to take care of her, she knew jennie didn't want to do it.

gosh, if there was only a way for her to get excused from this, she'd take it. but y/n knows that if she disobeys her parents, it'll only back fire to her sister and that was the last thing y/n wanted. she was already on thin ice with her sister.

~

Hannam The Hills, Seoul

6:02PM

Author's POV.

to say it was awkward was an understatement, y/n couldn't process it when their mother was speaking and y/n couldn't process it now that she was standing inside the luxurious home of her older sister. y/n didn't know what to do, she was left standing there as jennie was speaking with her assistant, y/n doesn't know if she could call it speaking though since her sister's neck vain was popping and the booming voice of hers was echoing throughout the apartment. y/n stood there awkwardly, her duffle bag in her hands and her fingers picking at her nails. "stop doing that, you'll ruin your nails." jennie's demanding voice nearly made y/n scream, wasn't she just talking with her assistant awhile ago? "s-sorry," y/n muttered, her movements stopping and waiting on command for what jennie is instructing her to do next. "i can stay with jisoo if you're busy, i won't tell eomma and appa."

"no. you're not going to stay with jisoo, understood?" y/n nodded her head and jennie turned around. "you'll stay upstairs in the guest bedroom. no touching anything, no walking into rooms that i didn't say you could go into, okay?" despite jennie not looking at her, y/n nodded her head. "you're staying in my house and my rules are my rules. you are not to bring friends over, i don't care if eomma and appa let you but you're in my house," jennie walked up the glass stairs, her heels clicking on the floor making y/n more scared. it truly felt like she was in the 'devil wears Prada' film. jennie leads her little sister into a big room, obviously not bigger than hers but it was a decent size. "you'll stay here. everything you need is here and you can put your clothes inside the closet." y/n watches in amazement as the walls of her room are painted a nice cream colour, the same colour that her room was painted in back at home. y/n knew how much of a struggle it was for her father to find the exact cream colour and y/n wondered how jennie found the exact colour for this guest bedroom.

"you can put your stuff down and freshen up if you want. there's food downstairs if you want to eat or you can order something, i couldn't care less about what you eat. i'll be in my office working, don't disturb me unless someone's dying. i don't like loud noises and i don't like cleaning up after people, so if you make a mess, clean it. i don't like repeating what i say," y/n feels like she's some sort of servant working for jennie instead of being her actual sister. "did you hear what i just said?" y/n takes a breath and nods, "yeah i did," jennie looks at her unimpressed, "then why didn't you answer me?"

"sorry unnie," jennie doesn't correct y/n, either she got tired of repeating herself or she just didn't care anymore.

when jennie left, y/n went to inspect her new room for the next two weeks. she let her eyes linger on the luxurious furniture that was somehow put into her room like it belonged there. it had everything she loved and y/n wondered if she and her sister had a lot of similar tastes. y/n lets her mind wonder to a fantasy of if she and jennie were close, would they be able to talk about their similar interests and similar tastes? but all y/n could do was imagine because her reality didn't include that. she and jennie weren't close and jennie hated her.

y/n's eyes widen at the sight of a Canon EOS 90D camera perched on one of the shelf's, she's hesitant to take it because jennie's rules rang in her ear loud and clear but her passion for photography made her second guess her choices. she was itching to touch it, how the hell did jennie have this in her home? did jennie like photography too? what other things did y/n not know about jennie? quite a lot that's for sure. y/n is the only one in the family who knows about cameras and the only people who know her love for photography was their mother and father. y/n walks closer to the shelf, her fingers reaching forward. she sighs at the feel of her fingers brushing the smooth canvas of the camera and the slight leather it had. y/n was aching to try it out, take a video with it's pristine lens and take photos of whatever. but she drew her fingers back, she didn't want to break it and have her sister get mad at her.

with a heavy heart, y/n turns around. she just touched her most wanted camera that was worth thousands, at least she had that to be happy about. how did jennie even get her hands on the camera? it was sold out nearly everything.

after sitting on her bed for a few minutes, her mind began to wonder. she was now more curious to know her older sister, the things she liked to do, the things she liked to eat and her opinions on everything. jennie was such a complex character and y/n wanted to know more. she was itching to discover who her sister really was and based on the entire design of her house and the small glimpses y/n got of jennie's habits, she knew that she and jennie had a lot of common interests and habits. why was it so difficult for her own sister to like her?

it was around nine in the night when y/n determined she was indeed hungry. it was already late and she didn't want to wake her sister up by making a loud noise in the kitchen, so she tiptoed down the stairs and headed into the kitchen only to find her sister eating on the counter. y/n gulped when jennie's eyes met hers, the cat like eyes that she got from their mother which y/n also got, staring deep into her soul. y/n was hoping jennie would be asleep so that she didn't have to face a situation like this but of course she was wrong. her lucky stars just didn't seem to like her very much whenever it came to her sister. "i'm sorry unnie, i didn't think you'd still be up," y/n observes what jennie is eating, grilled cheese with doritos inside of it. for someone as put together as jennie, someone who even intimidated men, y/n wasn't expecting her sister to eat things broke college students and high schoolers, like herself, would eat. doritos and grilled cheese was her favourite weird combo. "you're only eating now?" jennie responded, putting her phone down to the side and giving all her attention to her younger sister. "yes...i don't really have an appetite in the early hours." jennie clicked her tongue and shook her head, "if you continue eating like that, you'll never build muscle," y/n made a move for the fridge but jennie stopped her, "there's another grilled cheese for you on the table," jennie didn't make eye contact with her when she spoke, y/n's eyes widen in surprise. jennie made her food?

"i thought i could eat two but turns out i can only eat one," of course. jennie wouldn't actually make her food. "okay..uhm, thank you unnie."

"eomma told me that you like grilled cheese, so ugh...yeah." jennie clarified, she didn't want her younger sister to think she made it for her.

"okay unnie."

"i didn't make it for you."

"i know that unnie. thank you-"

"i would never do that for you. you're capable of making your own food." y/n looks down and notices that the crust is cut off, just how she likes it. "the crust is cut off," jennie narrows her eyes on the sandwich and nods her head, "yeah. what about it?"

"....nothing. never mind. thank you for this." jennie continues to nod and eats silently, the ringing of her phone going off once or twice. y/n eats the sandwich and smiles in content when the cheese is still gooey. y/n eyes her sister carefully as jennie answers whoever is texting and calling her, although it's most likely her work, she wonders how jennie knows to cut the crust off the sandwich she 'didn't make' for her when only their mother knows y/n doesn't like the crust. sure, they lived together and jennie probably saw her mother removing the crust on y/n's sandwiches but jennie doesn't like y/n so why would she put effort into removing the crust on a sandwich she 'didn't make' for y/n? it's even more weird because jennie's sandwich still had the crust on it.

"my friends are coming over for the review of the case we're working on. you can go to your room or you can just continue eating here. it doesn't matter to me what you do, just don't disturb us." and the jennie that y/n has (barely) known all her life is back. "okay unnie," jennie doesn't say anything else and goes back to her phone, completely ignoring her younger sister like she wasn't even there. y/n wonders what jennie's friends are like, were they friendly? were they pretty like her sister or were they exactly like jennie, mean and intimidating? y/n was surprised that jennie gave her the option to stay in the dining room, where jennie and her friends were most likely gonna be. jennie wasn't embarrassed of y/n? y/n found that unbelievable.

several knocks were sounded at the door and y/n jumped because of the loud noises. "fucking hell felix.." jennie muttered under her breath when she stood up to get the door. y/n couldn't see the people when jennie opened the door but she was sure at least four people were there. "i told you to knock nicely," y/n could hear jennie scolding with a hiss in her tone. "c'mon ruby jane! we brought wine and ashley brought chicken!" a blonde haired boy answered enthusiastically when he entered jennie's home, completely unaware of the presence of jennie's younger sister. he raised the bottles in his hand and three other people walked in.

"yeah jen! we're here to fuck thi-" jennie glares at all of them and they all shut up immediately, turning their heads to where jennie was constantly looking over at. to their surprise, another body was in jennie's house. "oh shit," ashley and felix immediately hide the bottles behind their backs and smile sheepishly at jennie. "shit jen...i'm sorry, i didn't know you had someone else here," felix spoke and the other three nodded behind him.

ashley looked back at y/n and tilted her head, "is this..." ashley, felix, jongin, and chan all looked back at jennie with wide eyes. jennie immediately clears her throat while avoiding her friend's gaze. "jen..is this-"

"y/n, these are my friends. ashley," she points to a slightly green haired girl, "felix," jennie points to a guy with slightly long blonde hair, "jongin," a brown haired boy who smiled kindly at y/n, "and chan," a black haired boy who was incredibly tall. "they're my friends from high school and also my co-workers," y/n nods, her smile widening as she sees the girl named ashley smile at her. "ash, felix, kai, chan. this is my sister y/n," all of jennie's friends look at y/n and smile widely, something in their eyes made y/n feel weird. "it's so nice to meet you..y/n. you're so beautiful," jongin complimented but y/n didn't feel any romantic or flirtatious intentions behind it, y/n felt brotherly love from his words. "thank you jongin oppa," ashley and chanyeol walk to y/n and smile at her. "jongin is right, you're so beautiful. i'm mad that jennie kept us from you!" ashley joked while turning back at jennie. jennie avoided ashley's gaze and looked to the ground instead.

"how long is she staying here ruby jane?" felix asked, dropping the alcohol on the table and walking to y/n's side. "for two weeks, eomma and appa are in Bali right now," ashley nods and walks to jennie's fridge, "y/n please don't tell me you'll tell your parents we were drinking in front of you," y/n chuckles and remains quiet when she answers, she doesn't want her sister to think that she'll take her friends away from her. she didn't want to distract them or disturb them any further. "i won't unnie. i promise," jongin laughs and ruffles y/n's hair, "i like your sister already jennie," he winks playfully and goes to the dining room table, taking out the files and setting up his laptop. jennie walks hesitantly to the kitchen and sits down beside felix, she needed to calm down.

"i'll be in the living room unnie, i don't want to disturb you guys," when jennie didn't answer, ashley answered for her. "of course y/n, don't hesitate to come in here if you need anything," ashley then smiled at y/n again and the younger girl felt some weird feeling in her stomach. why were they all so gentle with her? they literally just met each other.

y/n finally caught up with all her dramas that she missed on the last few weeks because of studying and actually completing her school work, she was gushing over how cute the actress jisoo looked in the drama snow drop. the actress reminded her of her own friend jisoo, it's funny how they had the same name.

(a/n: this is obviously an au so i made snow drop be out already and the actress 'jisoo' isn't actually kim jisoo).

speaking of jisoo, y/n took her phone and contacted the group chat.

*text conversation*

: how are you guys?

turtlerabbit: wow and she speaks!

chaeng: how are you y/n, i thought your sister already killed you.

manobangbang: how's it like staying with the devil?

: guys...it isn't too bad honestly. i have my own room and it's so fucking beautiful inside jennie's home. she even has the guest rooms the same colour as my room! it's crazy how she has the same paint appa used for my room, appa spent weeks finding the perfect paint that i wanted.

turtlerabbit: did you eat yet?

chaeng: aweeeeee, is jisoo concerned?

manobangbang: abby, don't tease them

manobangbang: baby***

manobangbang: here we go again...

chaeng: who the fuck is abby?! and why do you always text her name? what the hell are you doing lisa? do i look like i'm a girl worth cheating on?!

turtlerabbit: and here i thought chaelisa wasn't going to make it about themselves again.

manobangbang: CHAENG! i told you so many times that it's a typo! a typo! you can't expect me to type perfectly all the time!

chaeng: a typo or not, why does your phone recognize abby?!!!!!

manobangbang: fucking hell chae, can you just stop this.

manobangbang: chaeyoung, stop throwing clothes at me! oh my fucking gosh.

turtlerabbit: so did you eat y/n?

: i did actually! i'm having a grilled cheese sandwich, jennie's co-workers/friends are in the dining room discussing their case so i'm just chilling.

turtlerabbit: are you free tomorrow?

: to do what chu?

turtlerabbit: i dunno, hangout maybe? go to your favourite restaurant?

: we can go to yours instead chu, i know you want chicken 🤩

: oh wait. shit. never mind, jennie doesn't want me going anywhere after school while i'm staying with her.

turtlerabbit: you're joking right, are you serious. she isn't someone who can dictate your life. omfg 🙄

: sorry chu, i really don't want to anger her.

turtlerabbit: this is ridiculous, i thought only mama kim could dictate your life?

: apparently also jennie can dictate my life. it's okay, it's only for two weeks plus i do need to get back on my studying streak.

turtlerabbit: i just wanted to spend time with you.

: we always spend time together chu :)

turtlerabbit: i-...that's not what i meant y/n. i just wanted it to be us.

manobangbang: chaeyoung! open the fucking door. please! abby, please.

manobangbang: BABY***** FUCK. I MEANT BABY. NOT ABBY. PLEASE CHAE.

manobangbang: i don't have any other girl chae, there's no abby or whoever the fuck you think, there's only you. please baby. just you. chaeyoung, open the door. please.

turtlerabbit: so lisa is a simp for chaeyoung. huh.

manobangbang: fuck, this isn't our private chat?! omfg.

: lisa really simping, lmfao. lisa we know you turn into mush for chaeyoung. i thought you said you nad chae weren't gonna hang tonight?

manobangbang: chae asked me to come over so i left bam and ten's place.

turtlerabbit: oh shit, so she is a simp.

manobangbang: shut the fuck up chu, do you want me to call out your simping for y/n? you literally said you just wanted to spend time with y/n alone.

: lisa, you gotta solve whatever shit is happening with chae and jisoo i'll get back to you on that offer. i gotta go guys, my eyes are drooping. gnight :)

turtlerabbit: you just ruined my chance because you interrupted the chat dumbass!

manobangbang: then text her privately then dumbass! not on a gc!

turtlerabbit: i'll cut your bangs lisa, don't try me.

: you do realize this isn't a private chat between you two, right?

*turtlerabbit has left the chat*

manobangbang: she's SO embarrassed

chaeng: i wouldn't be too happy right now larissa.

manobangbang: who the fuck is larissa?!

chaeng: i meant LALISA.

*yntops has muted the chat*

chaeng: lis? baby? please, it was just autocorrect.

chaeng: lisa? lali? 🥺

manobangbang: fine. just open the door now, i'm cold.

chaeng: okay baby!

*text conversation - end.*

y/n walked back into the kitchen, her ears picking up on the intense conversation jennie was having with her friends, hushed voices and papers flipping. y/n figures that this case might be the biggest one yet. washing the dishes carefully and quietly so to not make much noise, y/n spots chanyeol walk into the kitchen. he's grabbing another glass when he spots y/n by the sink. "you look so much like mama kim, it's insane," y/n laughed and nodded her head. "well yeah, she's my mom oppa," chanyeol continues to stare at her and laugh, "yeah..you and jennie look exactly like your mother."

"is that a compliment oppa?"

"of course it is little one. jennie is beautiful and it's no surprise her sister is too.." chanyeol walked closer to y/n and softly hugged her, "i'm glad to have met you. jennie has always came up with some excuse as to why we couldn't meet you." chanyeol smiled but y/n could see right through it. the tall man was longing. "thank you oppa. can you tell unnie that i'm going to bed now?" y/n hugged back the older man and smelt the slight smell of wine and whiskey. y/n found it hilarious that jennie and her friends were drinking while working on a case.

"alright little one, you head to bed now. good night," y/n smiled and backed away from chanyeol, his kind eyes making her feel safe. "good night oppa."

~

it was two o'clock when jennie finally called a cab for her intoxicated friends. they insisted on drinking and even though jennie knew they needed to work on the case, she didn't oppose because she herself was stressed. she felt like she needed alcohol to get by this day, it was extremely stressful. jennie knew that y/n was sleeping already, well, she should be sleeping but jennie (in her drunken state) wanted to talk with her younger sister more. she found the girl had several similar interests and jennie found her drunk self wanting to know more.

jennie shakes her head and tries to walk up the stairs, her legs were nearly giving out and maybe allowing jongin to convince her to finish the bottle of whiskey wasn't good and maybe she should scold jongin for doing that to her but she realized she'll just do it tomorrow where she can yell in his face and punch his arm. drunk jennie was never good, she made irrational and stupid decisions, finishing the whiskey bottle was one of them, but walking into the direction of her younger sister's room was also another one of them.

jennie's legs carried her to the direction y/n's room, she knew she probably shouldn't do this, she knows she shouldn't do this. going into y/n's room will only make her do something stupid and her drunk self really shouldn't be doing this, but she still finds herself leaning on y/n's doorframe despite her inner protests. this was really stupid, so so stupid, you shouldn't do this ruby jane.

jennie pushes herself off the wall and walks closer to y/n's bed, the light from the hallway illuminating her face. jennie's hands tremble, they're aching to touch her skin and caress the living shit out of it. jennie just wants to hold y/n in her arms and shower her with all the care in the world. she wanted to reassure y/n, reassure her that she was there, reassure her that she cared about her. but jennie shakes her head, these are just drunken thoughts. these are your drunken thoughts jennie, don't let whatever your friends were telling you get into your head. you need to be like this.

jennie takes a step closer, then another until she's at the foot of her younger sister's bed. she's holding back tears, she shouldn't cry, she really shouldn't. but she felt the need to do so. y/n looked so precious, so beautiful tucked in her bed. jennie took another cautious step forward, her hands covering her mouth to muffle the sobs that were lightly trickling out. y/n's bed dips but jennie knows how much of a deep sleeper y/n really was.

taking her fingers off her mouth, jennie reaches over, stroking the hair out of y/n's face so it can't block the beautiful view anymore. jennie feels her heart jump at the contact of her fingers on y/n's skin. it wanted to be there, it felt like that's where it belonged, on y/n's skin, caressing and stroking it. jennie lightly wipes the sweat that dawns on her younger sister's skin.

thoughts run through jennie's mind, thoughts of what her friends were telling her awhile ago and thoughts of what the fuck she should do because she's so confused herself. she knew feelings like this would come but she was hoping she could bear a little longer, bear a little longer until y/n was older so that she didn't have to take care of her anymore. the less contact she has with y/n, the less irrational thoughts would fill jennie's mind.

jennie's tears mark y/n's bed, tear after tear, jennie's a crying mess on her sister's bed. her fingers thread through the black hair that y/n owned. jennie was in awe at how beautiful her sister truly was. y/n kim was beautiful.

jennie leans down, she knows she shouldn't do this but she's tempted and she's seconds away from biting into that temptation. she leans lower, her lips brushing over y/n's skin.

soft lips are pressed on y/n's forehead, a lingering kiss from jennie's lips are placed on her sister's forehead and jennie prays that y/n doesn't wake up to see her like this. she wouldn't know how to explain it.

fingers stroking y/n's hair, lips lingering on y/n's forehead, jennie leans back up - not too far but not too close. just close enough for her eyes to linger on y/n's face.

"i love you."

jennie whispers before composing herself once more and walking out the door of y/n's room. drunken actions, drunken thoughts, jennie tries to convince herself as she walks into her room.

~

Hannam The Hills, Seoul

7:00AM

Author's POV.

y/n woke up to an empty house. it was like there was no trace of jennie there at all if it weren't for the faint trail of Chanel no.5 perfume. y/n figured her sister was already at work since it was seven and jennie seemed to love going to work at five in the morning. y/n seriously worried for jennie's health. first she finds the girl eating late in the night - grilled cheese with doritos - then finds the older woman drinking with her friends which probably led to a hangover and y/n faintly remembers hearing the front door shut around two in the morning and now she finds out that jennie leaves to work at ungodly hours. the girl probably only had around three hours of sleep.

y/n makes herself a nice bowl of cereal, she didn't want to cook anything too big without jennie's permission. y/n was surprised to find a box of fruit loops (a/n: this is easily one of my favourite cereals), sitting in jennie's pantry. y/n did not see jennie as a girl who ate fruit loops. y/n pegged jennie to be the type who eats avocado toast in the mornings.

while eating breakfast, y/n received a text message from jisoo, asking her to come to a party that her big brother was going to be hosting. y/n knew seokjin and knew how nice he was, y/n and seokjin were practically best friends, she could confide in him with whatever was on her mind and even knew the whole drama about her and jennie. despite seokjin being eighteen, y/n found herself extremely close with seokjin and didn't find it weird to see jisoo texting her about her brother's party, he always invited jisoo' a friends over. y/n wasn't sure she was going to be able to make it because well..jennie said no to any plans after school already and y/n wasn't one to disobey rules, especially if they were input by her older sister.

turtlerabbit: jin oppa said he hasn't seen you in forever!!

: chu, he literally saw me last week.

turtlerabbit: please y/n, you never miss these parties. it can't happen now that you're under your sister's watch. pleaseeeee, pleaseeeee, please.

: jisoo, i don't think me coming home with the smell of alcohol will please jennie. she won't let me.

turtlerabbit: just come up with an excuse after school, tell her you're doing something for student council.

: jisoo, she's not stupid. plus, she comes home at five, so even if i find some excuse, she'll still be home earlier than me.

turtlerabbit: cmon y/n, please.

: jisoo...i don't know. i really can't.

turtlerabbit: i want you there y/n.

: you'll have chaelisa

when jisoo didn't respond, y/n sighed. she wasn't sure how she was going to make it up to jisoo. finishing her soggy cereal since she was distracted by jisoo, y/n receives a text. she opens it and is surprised that jennie had texted her.

unnie: i won't be home until two in the morning, don't wait up. eat something, i don't care what and make sure you're home after school.

: okay unnie.

y/n smiles and texts jisoo back.

: you're in luck, jennie won't be home until two am today. and i'm not drinking.

turtlerabbit: i could kiss you, yes!

y/n rolled her eyes and walked up the stairs to her room, she needed to get herself ready unless she wanted another late attendance, she's been getting many of those lately.

~

[TW - Mentions of rape. Do not read if you're uncomfortable with it. I'm not in any way fantasizing rape, romanticizing or sexualizing rape. This is used for a serious matter in the story].

~

Gangnam, Seoul

8:00PM

Author's POV.

the party was raging when y/n finally got to it. bodies of college students or older were dancing and grinding on each other, the smell of weed and alcohol filled the air and y/n wasn't sure she was up for it tonight. as she was about to turn around and leave the party, jisoo appeared in front of her with a very drunk chaelisa behind her. "didn't the party start an hour ago?" y/n questioned teasingly at the very drunk couple behind jisoo. jisoo rolled her eyes, "see, this is what you would've left me with if you didn't come," jisoo immediately intertwines their fingers and leads them to the counter filled with drinks. jisoo's house was massive, a mansion with three stories and open areas where anyone could get lost in but in this party, it looked incredibly small due to the fact that thousands of students filled the space.

"whiskey on the rocks?" jisoo asks, referring to y/n's regular drink. despite being sixteen years old, y/n had experience with alcohol, she could blame her father for investing so much time into the business of alcohol and teaching y/n everything she needed to know about it but y/n decided not to since she was very eager to learn about liquor. "i told you i wasn't drinking tonight jisoo, i can't have jennie smelling alcohol on me."

"you're no fun y/n, just one cup won't hurt." jisoo is already pouring the drink into the cup before placing a nicely rounded sphere ice cub. "jisoo. please, i really can't drink tonight," jisoo rolls her eyes and gives y/n a teasing smile, it really didn't help that jisoo was dressed in tight booty shorts, long leather knee boots, fish nets, and a half ripped open blouse with her hair ruffled like she had someone's hands run through it. "fine, but at least keep it with you?" jisoo smiled and held tighter on y/n's hand. y/n sighed and relented, letting jisoo hand her the cup. "what even are you supposed to be jisoo?" y/n laughs as she can't for the life of her figure out what jisoo is for her brother's halloween party. y/n went dressed up as a nurse, blue scrubs and all, while chaelisa was clearly bonnie and clyde.

jisoo led them to the large rooftop where most people were partying before turning back around to face y/n, "i can be whatever your imagination is wanting me to be.." trailing a finger up y/n's arm, jisoo steps closer. "i can be the girl of your dreams...if you want, i can even be that slut in your fantasies," y/n gulps and lightly takes a sip of her alcohol, just one sip and that's it. "you're drunk jisoo.." y/n smiles and holds tighter onto jisoo's hands. y/n has no idea what they're doing. they flirt and touch each other with lingering stares but none of them has made a move. "haven't had one sip of alcohol tonight y/n/n, i'm completely sober," jisoo lets go of y/n's hand and disappears into the crowd.

y/n turns to her other best friends and is surprised when she isn't greeted with them making out or grinding on each other, they were drunk and drunk chaelisa tended to do more naughty things when they were drunk, not that they didn't do naughty things already when they were sober. "what's the deal?" y/n teases lisa who's staring at chaeyoung's cheeks, "my girl's hungry. you know her, food comes first before anything," y/n laughs out loud and causes chaeyoung to look up and stare at the both of them. "what?" chaeyoung calls, confusion written on her features. "nothing...nothing," y/n looks around the rooftop, she's just trying to make sense of it all, why did chaeyoung have a hotdog when there clearly weren't any hotdogs being served.

"where did she get the hotdog lis?" lisa sighs and pulls up chaeyoung's YSL handbag. lisa looks around to make sure no one is looking at them before taking out an object that was wrapped in a paper bag. y/n doesn't know if she should be concerned but that quickly goes away and is replaced by a fit of laughter when lisa pulls out another hotdog from the paper bag that was inside chaeyoung's expensive YSL handbag.

"oh fuck! that's hilarious! you're telling me- oh my fucking god. t-this is too good."

chaeyoung quickly realizes what's happening and snatches the paper bag from lisa before stuffing it back into her YSL bag. "lisa! you said you wouldn't show anybody!" lisa laughed and brought chaeyoung impossibly closer to her. "baby, it's just y/n, she won't tell."

"w-why do you h-have that in your bag chae? do all your bags i-include food?" chaeyoung was seconds away from killing y/n but lisa's arm wrapped around her made her stay put. "it's for emergencies, if we go out she usually puts food into her bag, it's normal." lisa defends her girlfriend who was still eating the hotdog.

"lis, normal people put snacks and drinks into their bags if they get hungry, not a fucking full meal!" y/n continues to laugh again before feeling chaeyoung's fists hitting her side. "okay! okay! s-sorry chaeyoung," lisa pulls her angry/hungry girlfriend away and coos at her to get her to calm down. y/n continues to laugh as chaeyoung continues to eat, y/n seriously wondered how the hell chaeyoung stayed so fucking skinny despite literally eating any and everything. lisa was probably feeding her something.

y/n looks around the room and greets the people who she got to know over the years because of her connection with seokjin, she made friendly conversation but stopped when she noticed jisoo uncomfortable around a guy. y/n immediately grabs jisoo's attention and mouthes if she's okay, when jisoo smiles and nods her head, y/n leaves it be but keeps a close eye on her the entire night.

in the middle of a game of cup pong, which she and lisa were winning mainly because y/n was sober and was actually getting the shots in while lisa just hyped her up with drunken slurs, y/n noticed that she hasn't seen jisoo in quite a while. the last time she saw jisoo was in the first round of cup pong which was thirty minutes ago. she only remembers because jisoo kissed her cheek lightly as a 'good luck' charm which seemed to be working.

"hey lisa, have you seen jisoo?" y/n isn't usually worried like this because jisoo can handle herself and she's an incredibly smart girl who wouldn't get herself in positions but her mind hasn't forgotten about the way jisoo was uncomfortable in the presence of some boy awhile ago. it also didn't help that when jisoo kissed y/n's cheek, the girl clearly had been drinking, she barely could hold herself up and y/n had to hold her up just so jisoo could plant a kiss on her cheek.

"i dunno y/n, haven't seen jisoo in a bit.." lisa slurred while drinking the cup that the ball was shot into, "can you keep the game going? i'll just look for jisoo quickly, okay?" lisa absentmindedly nods and calls for haechan to be her cup pong partner.

y/n goes to jin and finds him drinking with some of his friends outside, "oppa, have you seen jisoo?" jin stops drinking and looks at y/n's worried face, he smiles and shakes his head. "no y/n/n, why? is something wrong?"

"well, i haven't seen in quite a bit and awhile ago she was kind of uncomfortable with some guy..."

"what guy?" jin's voice suddenly turns stern and his drink is forgotten. "i don't know, some guy with black hair was talking to jisoo in the corner an hour ago-"

"was he dressed as a prisoner?" jin asks, a panic rising in his voice. "u-ugh..yes?"

"shit." jin takes his phone out and tries to dial whoever and y/n takes that as her cue to hurry the search for jisoo. she wanders down the stairs to entire back into the house, everyone was basically partying outside on the rooftop and there were only a handful of people inside the house which did not make y/n's gut feel any better.

y/n frantically starts looking into each room but jisoo isn't in any of them. she asks around but the people were either too drunk or too high to give her a straight answer. y/n rushes to the bottom floor and walks around, her feet taking her wherever, she's only concerned of looking for jisoo.

with the way jin reacted to what she said, she figured that jisoo wasn't in the correct mind to defend herself if something were to happen.

a cry of muffled screams comes from y/n's right and she quickly follows it until it gets louder. there's two voices, one of a females and one of a males. y/n runs to the door and bumps into it, helplessly trying to break it open. the screams keep getting louder and she knows it's jisoo. the screams were slurred and slightly weak but y/n knows it's jisoo. "jisoo?!" y/n yells as she bumps back into the door again, this time a little harder.

"n-no..please, i don't-"

"jisoo?!!" y/n yells louder this time, attracting the attention of some of the people inside the house. "go call jin right now, someone hurry! fuck, stop standing there and go look for jin!" y/n shouts to the people and they quickly scurry to go find jin. y/n desperately tries to open the door and spots mrs. kim's precious emerald rock sitting on a display. y/n prays in her head that mrs. kim was going to forgive her as she takes the rock and breaks the door handle with it.

the door creeps open and y/n rushes inside. jisoo's cries are louder and all she sees is jisoo's limp body getting restrained by some boy who was dressed as a prisoner. "what the fuck?!" y/n runs to the guy and tears him away from jisoo's body. jisoo's shorts were pulled all the way down and her shirt was completely off, the boys pants were halfway down his legs and his junk was ready to penetrate into jisoo if y/n hadn't come in on time.

"what the fuck?! how'd you get in?!" the boy screamed, his hands going to zip his pants but throws a right hook on the boss's face, effectively knocking him over and letting his head hit the ground. "you're fucking bastard, who gave you the right to do this to her?!" y/n climbs on top of the boy and starts throwing more punches on his face, the guy below her is the furthest away from happy. he was about to have his treat if it weren't for this bastard.

the guy reaches into his pocket as y/n's too distracted on punching his face. he grunts in pain and grips onto his pocket knife.

without warning, he shoves the knife into y/n's side, ultimately stopping y/n from punching him.

"jacob! what the fuck are you doing?!" jin's voice rings in the room, lisa and chaeyoung frantically running to jisoo's slumped figure, the girl was obviously roofied. jin rushes to y/n's side and takes her in his arms. the girl was about to pass out with the amount of blood that was gushing out of her. "fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. damnit!" jin curses as he sees y/n's eyes fluttering closed and his sister's limp body laying in the hands of chaeyoung and lisa. "call the fucking police!" jin yells, tears pricking his eyes.

this wasn't supposed to happen.

~

Author's POV.

jennie has been home for an hour now and she was furious. furious because y/n wasn't home and furious because y/n hasn't answered any of her text messages or calls. all she asked was for y/n to come home straight from school and when jennie asked the doorman if y/n arrived home on time, she was furious to learn that y/n didn't come home.

jennie runs her hand through her hair, she was stressed from work already but y/n just had to add onto that. jennie was sure that she was going to be skinned alive by her parents, she was going to get killed because her stupid little sister didn't know how to listen to rules. jennie nearly yells when y/n's phone goes to voicemail one more time.

"jen..you need to sit down please, getting mad at her isn't going to do anything right now-" felix tries to console his friend but jennie throws a pillow at him. "how can i not get mad?! i asked her to come back here straight after school and when i get home, i find out that y/n only came home for fifteen minutes before leaving and she still isn't back! and on top of that, she's not answering my calls or text messages! does she not realize that i'm the one eomma and appa are going to kill if they find out about this all? she's under my watch and i'm going to be blamed for everything because of her stupid decisions!" jennie grips on the wine bottle and grits her teeth. if there was something she hated more than pizza, it was people not following her rules.

there were rules for a reason and she expected whoever she told to follow them. "i'm going to fucking kill her-" jennie's phone rings and y/n's name pops up. ashley watches as jennie picks it up and prays in her mind that y/n will be spared from death.

"y/n sofia kim. what the fuck did i tell-"

jennie pauses when she hears an unfamiliar voice on the other line.

*phone conversation*

"hi, is this miss jennie kim?"

"who's this and why do you have my sister's phone?"

"i'm a nurse from samsung medical centre, i'm calling on behalf of your sister. your parents aren't accepting calls right now."

"yes, they're in Bali for a business conference,"

"since you're one of miss kim's emergency contacts, i need to inform you that your sister was rushed into surgery."

"what?!"

"she's in surgery as we speak miss kim. she's suffered a stab wound on her abdomen, puncturing an organ that has released stomach acids that entered her abdominal cavity."

"i-is she.."

"she's in critical condition but the doctors are doing everything they can save her. we need you here to sign her medical papers as she is still a minor. we also need you to be here to give permission for questioning to the police."

"the police?! why? what happened?!"

"she's a key witness to an attempted rape case miss kim."

*phone conversation - end.*

jennie shatters the bottle of wine, letting the contents spill on her marble floors. "fuck!" jennie yelled in frustration, hot tears trailing down her cheeks. y/n had to survive. she had to.

"what happened? jen?" jongin walks towards her and carefully picks the girl up from the floor. "y/n is in the hospital," she manages to let out as her entire body starts to tremble. "what?!" chanyeol screams, "why?!"

"s-stabbed..she got s-stabbed."

jennie runs out the door and doesn't bother to wait for the elevator and runs down the stairs as her friends follow suite, equally as concerned for y/n. jennie isn't religious, but she finds it in herself to pray to whatever God is listening, she prays that her sister will live and she'll be able to see another day. jennie would never be able to forgive herself if something were to happen to her baby sister.

what did you do y/n, what did you do?

~

Samsung Medical Centre, Seoul

1:33AM

Author's POV.

jennie ran through the halls like a madwoman, tears streaming down her face and her phone clutched tightly in her hand, a long list of powerful attorneys on speed dial just in case her sister needed a law team. "jennie, breathe. i need you to breath for me," chanyeol spoke as ashley spoke to the receptionist since jennie couldn't speak properly. "she's on the fourteenth floor," ashley spoke as she led the group to the elevator.

"jennie, did you want to request anything?"

"get her a private room." jennie whispered as she wipes her tears and stands tall. she needed to be strong, she couldn't be seen as a wimp. "you're okay jen. she's going to be fine." felix rubbed her back while jongin was trying to get hold of their parents and law team. "your parents still haven't answered but i'll keep trying," jongin spoke as he re-dialled the number. "attorney choi said that he's on board with becoming y/n's defence attorney if it's needed, he also put together his team of ada's if you need them jen," jongin spoke again as he got off the phone with one of the most powerful attorney's in Korea. "thank you." jennie spoke sincerely as they came to their floor.

"of course jennie." all her friends respond back with as much sincerity they can muster. they'd always be there for jennie. no matter what.

jennie immediately spots jin, jisoo, chaeyoung and lisa with a bunch of police officers. jennie feels anger swell up in her chest, y/n's friends were fine but y/n was fighting for her life? that wasn't fair.

"miss kim," one of the officers pulled her aside before she could get her hands on jisoo or anyone who had gotten her sister involved. "may we have a word with you?" jennie nodded and could see the fear in jisoo, chaeyoung and lisa's eyes as jennie walked past them.

"can you please tell me what the fuck happened to my sister?" jennie was desperate for answers and she needed them now. she wasn't going to wait around anymore, "your sister attended a halloween party at mr. seokjin's home, during the party, miss jisoo kim was attempted to get raped by jacob kong, but this was never pursued because your sister came in before anything could happen. she suffered a stab wound to the abdomen-" before the officer could even finish the sentence, jennie stormed over to jisoo and slapped her across the face. the noise echoing in the hallway they were in.

immediately, jin, chaeyoung and lisa go to jisoo's side and try to shield her away from jennie. "how fucking dare you?! my sister is in there because you asked her to go to your stupid party! she was supposed to come home right away! look what you did jisoo!" jennie yelled and attempted to slap her again when jin catches her arm. "it's not our fault jisoo was about to get raped and your sister came in to save her!"

"you're lucky my sister came in before anything could happen to yours! because of you and jisoo, my sister is in there fighting for her life while i can't do anything about it!"

"jennie, jisoo was about to get raped-"

"yes but she's unharmed isn't she?!" jennie knew this wasn't appropriate, it wasn't appropriate to blame jisoo who was clearly shaken up at the whole issue but she was angry, angry at herself because she couldn't protect her sister. she already didn't like jisoo because she just wasn't right for y/n but now y/n got hurt because of jisoo. to jennie, that was enough of a reason for her to really hate jisoo.

"miss jennie kim?" a doctor came out of the surgery room and looked for jennie. "that's me," jennie spoke after she got distracted from punching jisoo. "that's me," the doctor smiled lightly and removed his surgical mask. "your sister's operation is completed, but she's still losing some blood and we need type O blood," jennie nodded her head, "okay. i'll do it, i'm type O."

"perfect then. your sister is in the private room you requested for her, you may be able to see her. is there any requests you'd like?"

jennie looks at y/n's friends and then back at the doctor. she shouldn't do this but she had no choice, y/n got hurt because of them. "only give her family, ashley choi, kim jongin, park chanyeol and felix lee permission to enter the room. other than that, no one else is allowed," jennie rolled her eyes at the protests of y/n's friends while she walked away to her sister's private room. jennie had more authority over y/n than her friends did.

inside the private room, jennie grimaced as she saw her sister's body connected to a bunch of wires. surprisingly, y/n was wide awake and turned her head in the direction of jennie. jennie could see how y/n gulped like she was scared and she should be. she disobeyed jennie's rules and now ended up in this position. "unnie..i-"

"i told you to go home straight after school. was that not clear?" jennie tried not to yell or scream since her sister was injured enough but she couldn't help it. y/n could've died. "i'm sorry unnie, i wasn't thinking."

"clearly you weren't thinking! if you were, you wouldn't have done something so stupid like that! you got stabbed y/n, because of what? because of jisoo? that girl is getting you in so much trouble and you still hang around her. i always tell you that you're putting yourself in a dangerous position hanging out with someone like her!" y/n looked down and fiddled with her fingers, she really didn't want to anger jennie or upset her, it wasn't even supposed to go to this extent.

"i come home and you're not there and then i call you but you don't answer, do you know how many missed calls i left you? how many texts?! yet you didn't answer any of them because you were too busy partying when i specifically told you to go home and stay home! you don't think i'd find out?! i'm a fucking lawyer in case you forgot y/n, i figure anything out! it's so pathetic to think that you thought you'd get away with this. why are you so stupid? who taught you to be so pathetic and naive? you follow what jisoo says but you don't follow what i say?! i have more important matters and now they're all left on hold just because my idiotic sister got in trouble and got herself hurt! how could you be so stupid?!"

y/n knew she wasn't jennie's favourite, but for once, y/n just wanted to be treated with respect. she didn't mean for this to go this far, she didn't mean to get stabbed and interrupt jennie's life, she didn't mean to save her friend from getting raped. she didn't plan any of this but her sister obviously thought the opposite. y/n kim was nothing but a failure to jennie's eyes and y/n had no idea how she got there and what she could've done to make jennie feel that way about her. she's done, she's tired. she thought jennie would at least calm her down and help her get better from the pain she was feeling but she's here, blaming her for everything that happened.

y/n finally snaps.

"okay! i fucking get it! okay?! you don't like me! you fucking despise me, i know that! you've showed me that for the past sixteen years of my life! you don't like me and i get that! you think i'm a disappointment and i get that! but you can't blame me for wanting to save my friend from getting raped okay?! you can't blame me and call me names for having a fucking heart and wanting to save someone who i love! i love people jennie! i have a heart unlike you! i don't know what i ever did to you but i'm over trying to figure it out. you don't like me and that's okay but the very least you can do is respect me."

y/n breathes heavily, tears that she's buried for the last sixteen years of her life finally coming out and staining her milky skin. she was just so over being seen as an outsider. it wasn't her fault she was born and brought into this family so why was jennie so mad?

jennie is left to stand there speechless. she's never heard y/n speak to her like that and she definitely wasn't sure how to come about it. she wanted to wrap her arms around the girl and wipe her tears away, but her pride and ego was too big and she held those close to her.

so jennie just scoffs and leaves y/n's room, heading into the direction of the doctor to get her blood drawn.

~

it's been a week since then. a week of y/n making minimal conversation with jennie and a week since jennie banned y/n from talking to roseanne, lisa and jisoo (mainly jisoo though). y/n thought it was unfair but after their mother and father agreed to what jennie suggested, y/n could no longer protest. she was bed ridden, her stab wound making it difficult for her to move around but she refused to have jennie help her. she didn't want to ask jennie for help after her outburst at the hospital. it was bad that she still had to stay with her sister because their parents couldn't find a way to get back to Seoul, she found it worse to ask jennie for help on the simplest tasks that she's sure she can do.

the only thing that made y/n's day was the frequent visits that jennie's friends made. they always brought her food that jennie wouldn't allow y/n to eat because she was very strict on following rules, they watched movies with her and kept her entertained while all jennie did was bring her food then go into her home office where she'd be the entire day until she needed to give y/n her dinner.

it was a routine each and every single day, she wanted to text her friends but the police handed y/n's phone over to jennie after the questioning and jennie has kept it ever since.

so y/n laid in bed, wide awake, her thoughts running on three hours of sleep for two days straight and her heart racing at the uncertainty she was feeling. she was already on thin ice with her sister but now, it just seemed like they had no connection at all anymore. it broke y/n's heart but she couldn't do anything about it until jennie tells her what's going on between them and how y/n can make it better.

y/n hears the whisper of the wind and the howl of the trees swaying but she's surprised when she hears hushed voices in the kitchen downstairs. despite being completely injured, y/n walks down the stairs with cautious steps, she didn't want to be seen by jennie, sneaking off while having an injury. the last time she snuck out, it didn't end well. she ended up getting stabbed.

walking down the stairs quietly and hiding behind one of the railings, y/n peeks over to the kitchen which was in clear view. there's two people in the kitchen, one of them was jennie but the other was...their mom? what was their mom doing in jennie's kitchen? y/n thought they were still in Bali.

y/n usually doesn't do this because she knows better, she knows it's better not to listen in on other people's conversations but the way jennie looked furious and the way their mother looked just as mad made y/n confused. what were they talking about?

y/n walks a little closer and is just steps away from the kitchen when she finally hears a little of what they're discussing.

"we thought you'd take care of her properly jennie kim, you said you would. why the fuck did she get stabbed?" chaerin asks in a hushed whisper as she looks at her daughter. "eomma, i was taking care of her! she went to a party with jisoo, how many times do i have to tell you this?!"

"jennie, we have been taking care of y/n for years now and not once did she get hurt when she was with us. we give you two weeks to take care of her and you do this shit? how the hell will we know-"

"know what eomma? huh? know what?" chaerin looks around the kitchen and tightens her fists. "know what eomma?" jennie asked harshly. "how will we know you'll take care of her properly if we leave her with you again?" chaerin speaks vaguely and jennie sighs, leaning her body on the counter and crossing her arms across her chest. "eomma-"

"eomma? what are you doing here? i thought you and appa were in Bali?" y/n appears out of nowhere and jennie jumps up, "y/n? what the hell are you doing out of bed?" jennie scolds and goes up to help y/n get back into her room but chaerin walks past her and hugs her sister. "we got back earlier to check in on you and jennie but we can't stay long baby," chaerin smiles and turns back to jennie, "you take care of her jennie, okay?" jennie nods and watches as their mother walks y/n back to her room, the younger leaning her head on their mother's shoulder and snuggling into her. jennie felt something boil inside of her seeing the sight. but she lightly brushes it away and grabs her phone, contacting her friends to see how the case is going.

~

y/n is finally able to go back to school and leave the house as permitted by her parents, she's finally back in her room and everything has been going well. her relationship with jennie is still broken though, even more broken than usual and y/n doesn't know when it'll get fixed. everything would've been better though if it weren't for the fact that she needed a piece of fabric to finally complete her stupid sewing project that she had been working on for a month now. y/n sighs, rubs her forehead angrily as she struggles to find more fabric.

"eomma!" she yells from up the stairs and chaerin runs up to ask what her daughter needed. after the incident, everyone (except jennie) in her family has been cautious around her. "what's wrong y/n-ah?"

"do you have extra fabric? i need it." chaerin sighs and nods her head, "yes, it's in my art cabinet just below my office desk in the study," y/n nods and walks to the direction of her mother's study. she barely ever goes in here, chaerin has never allowed her and jennie to stay in her study for more than a few minutes but since chaerin needed to attend a zoom conference call, she couldn't really monitor y/n. y/n walks into her mother's study and looks underneath her mother's desk to look for the small cabinet that held her mother's fabric. y/n opens the cabinet but instead of getting greeted with fabric, she's greeted with file folders and papers.

y/n rolls her eyes and goes to close it when she sees a photo album. y/n loved looking through photo albums, she loved seeing what her parents looked like when they were young or what her sister looked like when she was young. y/n was sure she's seen all the photo albums in the house but this photo album with a black cover she doesn't recall ever seeing. y/n's curiosity peaked and she opened up the photo album, she wanted to uncover more vintage photos of her family way before she was born.

chaerin finished the conference call earlier than she expected, so she scrolls through her phone before receiving a text message from jennie saying that she was outside with food. chaerin smiles at the text and goes to the door to let her eldest daughter inside. "jennie, i see you woke up on the right side of the bed today," chaerin teased her always moody daughter before planting a kiss on her head. "i bought y/n's favourite food.." jennie whispered quietly and chaerin caresses jennie's cheek. "why don't you call your sister down to dinner. she's probably in her room," jennie is about to protest but she stops, she figures she should talk to her sister and make things a little bit better than how they were.

jennie walks up the stairs and heads towards y/n's room but is only greeted with an empty room, panic rises up in jennie and she looks around the spacious place. "y/n? where are you? eomma said it's time for dinner," still no answer so jennie leaves the room and looks in the washroom. when there's still no sign of her baby sister, she walks past her mother's study and looks through the ajar door. she sees a black haired girl with her body turned the other way, her head tilted as if she was reading something. papers spread across from her and photographs laying on the ground. jennie figures that it's just y/n being her curious self and exploring their mother's office for new vintage photos, so she enters the room with a slight smile before turning back to her bitch face.

"y/n, eomma wants us down for dinner. there's food." no response, instead she hears y/n turning the page of a file. jennie walks closer to her sister and finally manages to see one of the papers on the ground and what its purpose was.

jennie gulps.

y/n turns around, shaking her head before slamming the file that she was reading in jennie's chest.

"i can't fucking believe you all."

"y/n-"

jennie turns to grab y/n's arm but the girl is quicker and storms into her room, jennie watches as her younger sister grabs her phone before storming past her.

jennie can hear chaerin's voice call out for y/n before the loud slam of the door is heard.

~

sixteen years ago - january 2004

~

jennie shuts her locker closed, she's been having pains in her stomach and she wasn't sure why. she groans and hits her head on the locker, she questioned herself on why she agreed to go to that stupid party last night. "jen, you okay?" ashley appears from beside her and puts her books into her locker, "no. my stomach hurts and i swear it's from the food that they gave us at the party last night," ashley laughs and pats jennie's head, "i'm not sure you can call it food babe," jennie groans again and suddenly grabs ashley's arm and rushes to the toilet.

she vomits literally everything she ate that morning into the disgusting school toilet while ashley holds her hair up. "you shouldn't have drunk so much yesterday jen, now you're still hungover," ashley jokes but jennie hurls over the toilet again. her stomach still hurt like shit and she wasn't sure she was ready to go to class. "ash, can you cover for me in class, i'm going to go home." ashley immediately nods and gives the girl an advil.

"heard you hooked up with eunwoo last night?" ashley wiggles her eyebrows and jennie laughs, "we didn't hook up! we just made out!" ashley rolls her eyes and eyes jennie in the mirror. "yeah right, that's not what he's saying," jennie rolls her eyes and fixes her make up, "all the boys who i kiss say that i've fucked them when it's literally the farthest from the truth," jennie steers the conversation away from her but ashley doesn't budge. "your eyes are sparkling, you don't seem to be telling me the truth..." jennie laughed and giggled, her cheeks turning red. "we may have done something else....." ashley squeals and slaps jennie's arms carefully, "i fucking knew it! no wonder he looked fucked up last night!"

"we only did it because we were both super drunk! you know i'm into nick choi," ashley rolls her eyes again and shakes her head. "sure jennie...sure."

~

january 24th, 2004

~

jennie stares at her calendar in fear. it's been three weeks and her period still hasn't come. jennie was anxiously fiddling with her nails. this isn't happening right? she's fine and there's just a delay, but then jennie starts to remember all the things that had happened to her this past week. she kept throwing up while eating her favourite foods and always had a headache.

jennie grabs her phone, sending a text message to ashley knowing that the girl would immediately come over.

"what the fuck did you just text me jennie?" ashley asks as she barges into jennie's room, the girl on the bed jumps slightly and hides her blunt behind her back, thinking it was her mother who stormed into her room. "i just had to lie to mama kim because i couldn't tell her the real reason as to why i'm here. what the fuck is happening jennie?" ashley sits down beside jennie and the girl reaches into her drawer. ashley watches carefully as jennie takes out a box out of the local 7-11 bag. ashley shakes her head and stands up from the bed. "no jennie kim, no."

"i've been so nauseous and i've been throwing up non-stop ash..." ashley shakes her head and locks jennie's bedroom door.

"that could be anything! you can just be super exhausted or something, my mom's a doctor, we can easily go to her if you're not feeling well jen. this isn't...this isn't what you think it is okay?"

jennie wants to believe ashley, god, every fibre in her being wants to believe ashley but she has a gut and that gut feeling is telling her otherwise. jennie is close to breaking down into tears as she watches ashley anxiously bite her lip. "ash...please, i-i.." ashley shuts her eyes and curses jennie's 'friendly' behaviour. they wouldn't be here if jennie decided to not be hoe for one night.

"fuck. there's nothing we can do but try it," ashley hurries jennie into the bathroom and shuts the door. "alright. let's start it then."

so jennie, with all her strength, opens the box and gets the process started.

it's been five minutes, the box said to wait fifteen minutes but jennie is anxiously sitting on the tub, fiddling with her fingers and praying to whatever God out there to make it all go away, to make it a false alarm but as she hears the timer go off and ashley gasp, jennie knows she's not getting a blessing today.

"jennie...y-you need to see this." jennie shakes her head and swats ashley's hand away, she didn't need to see it to know. "jen-"

"no ashley. i don't need to see it. i just...i-"

"are you going to tell eunwoo?"

"are you fucking insane? why would i tell him? he's going to flip shit if he finds out." ashley clicks her tongue and grips onto the bathroom counter. she doesn't know if she can look at jennie the same, she doesn't know if she can feel the same way about jennie anymore. she doesn't know. jennie feels dirty, she feels like a used doll that had been discarded after the owner got tired of it. she didn't mean for it to go this far, all she ever wanted was fun but not like this. this was going to ruin her life, this was going to destroy the chances before she even got to live life. she couldn't let anybody know about this, she couldn't let anyone find out. not eunwoo, not chanyeol, not jongin, not felix and definitely not her parents.

jennie grabs the item off the counter and throws it in the trash. "jen what the hell are you doing?"

"it's going to ruin my life ash, i can't let it ruin my life."

"jennie...what the fuck do you think the two of us can do with any of this? we need help, your parents need to know-"

"NO! we are not telling my parents, we are not going to tell them. i can't have them knowing."

"jennie, we need someone to help us, you're you and i'm me, i can't be much help jen. we need to tell chan, kai and felix jen, they'll help with whatever is happening." jennie breaks down and slides down the wall. "i can't have this happen ash...this can't h-happen.." ashley rushes to her side and hugs the girl. "jennie...we'll get through it, i promise. i promise."

~

january 26th, 2004

~

"you want us to do what?" chanyeol asks in shock as jennie and ashley finish telling them what they want. "we need you guys to drive her down to the clinic, chan...please. jennie can't have this..she just can't." chanyeol looks at jennie in shock, he understands why she would want it but he can't help but feel guilt build up in his chest.

"jennie..are you sure you want this? it's your life and your body but i need to know if you're one hundred percent on this. this thing you're asking us to do isn't...easy. hell, we're not even legal to do it.." jongin asks with his hands in his pockets. he doesn't know how to process this information. jennie feels guilty looking at her friends, they were having a nice boys night until ashley and jennie showed up with unexpected (but expected knowing how jennie was) news. they didn't think this was going to be so early on.

"jen.."

"i want to do it felix. i need to do it. please, you guys have to help me. please," jennie was ready to beg, she couldn't have her life get ruined like this. she had dreams and she wasn't going to stop reaching them. she was willing to play dirty if she needed.

chanyeol nods and grabs his car keys. "okay. if that's what you want."

jennie gets into the car with the three boys as ashley comes up with a plan to distract jennie's parents. jennie takes a deep breath in and another deep breath out. she could do this, she needed to do this. for herself and for her future.

~

they make it to the clinic faster than jennie ever imagined. chanyeol parks in the parking lot and as soon as the car is in park, no one makes a move to leave the vehicle. jennie reaches into her purse, the fake document with her parents fake signature signed across it. "alright...l-let's go," jennie whispers to herself more than to the others, they other boys nod but still, no one makes a move to leave. this makes jennie furious, furious at herself and furious at her friends. "i said let's fucking go, why aren't any of you guys budging?" jennie heaves out of frustration.

"jen....we-we can't."

"chan..i need you guys in there with me."

"jen, do you really want to do this? are you for sure certain that when you look back at this memory, you won't regret it? is this what you really want or is it what you need?"

the boys didn't mean to pressure jennie into taking their side but they needed to know that jennie was fully on board with her idea and that she won't regret it in the future. they needed to know, they couldn't have jennie do something she was going to hate herself for.

"i...i-" jennie breaks down into tears and slumps against felix's side, her body is shaking and she's thrashing in his hold. she didn't know anymore, she didn't know what the hell she was doing, this wasn't her and just looking at the building sent shivers down jennie's spine.

"no..no. i don't want this, please. i don't want this. i-i never wanted t-this, i c-can't do i-it. let's go back p-please. please..." jennie cried into the night while jongin and felix held her close and tried to reassure her that everything was going to be okay. it was going to be okay because they were going to be there with her.

~

jennie returns home, she really wishes she hadn't but she needed to. ashley was running out of excuses she didn't know how she was going to hide this for any longer. it was getting too fucking obvious and she was going to die of guilt if she didn't say anything.

putting the key into the keyhole, she's greeted with her parents sitting on the leather sofa, her mother's hands buried in her hair while her father is looking at something in his hands.

jennie's eyes widem and she accidentally shuts the door loudly, causing her parents to look up. she immediately spots her mother's face and watches as it hardens beyong recognition. "eomma-" before jennie could say anything more, chaerin is on her feet and charging across the room to jennie. jennie's head whips so quick to the other side and the sound of a slap is heard echoing in the room.

"how dare you?! we raise you, feed you, house you, clothe you and pay for your fees so you can go to school and this is how you repay us?! huh?!" chaerin rips the stick from her husband's hands and throws it at jennie, hitting her right in the forehead. "you repay us by getting pregnant?! what the fuck were you thinking ruby jane!? you're pregnant and you're only fifteen! did i raise you to spread your legs and whore yourself around?!!" chaerin slaps jennie again and this time it's harder. jennie looks to her father for help but he only looks away from her, his face ridden with disappointment and jennie knows she fucked up.

"say something jennie! tell me why you're pregnant!"

jennie chokes on her tears and further annoys her mother, causing another slap to her face, "eomma...-i-i'm sorry, i'm so s-sorry.." chaerin sobs alongside her daughter and looks at her husband for support.

"jennie. does the boy know you're pregnant?"

"n-no appa...i can't tell him! please don't make me tell him! he'll never accept it!"

jiyong can't look at his daughter the same right now. all he sees is a disappointment and he finds it hard to refrain from yelling at her. "did you think we weren't going to find out? you left the test in the trash can ruby jane, have some common sense. we let you go to these parties but expect you to at the very lest be responsible with what you're doing. tell me, were you ever going to tell us?" jennie remains silent and jiyong's temper flies through the roof.

"don't just stand there and cry, speak when i ask you something! were you ever going to tell your mother and i?!" jiyong balls his fists up and tries his hardest not to punch something. he would never lay a hand on his daughter but he was close to crossing that line. she was still a child and she was already letting herself get used like this? what was she thinking? she's a child, she shouldn't be thinking of things like this. "i-i was going to appa-"

"when? after you finally got that baby in your stomach aborted?!" chaerin yells as she grips jennie's arm. "h-how did...how did you find out?"

"you don't think mrs. choi was going to tell me, you don't think she didn't hear you and ashley speaking about it? what has gone through your mind to think that way ruby jane? you were going to go behind our backs and abort that baby of yours that has nothing to do with the mistakes you committed?" jennie was wailing and begging for a chance to explain but her parents were so furious with her and jennie couldn't really blame her. she feels like she would've been better if she just told her parents about it when she found out and didn't hide it for nearly three weeks.

"eomma...i wasn't going to go through with it..please, i'm so sorry-"

jennie gets interrupted as chaerin slaps her again, "and you think that's better? you have got to be the most pathetic girl i've ever seen ruby jane."

chaerin lets go of her and shakes her head. her eyes shining with tears as she feels the betrayal their daughter did to them sink in. "this is your problem ruby jane, you fix it."

chaerin leaves and heads upstairs as jiyong watches his daughter break down into tears. his heart hurts and he can't look at her but he knows it's not good for the baby if she's stressing too much, so he sighs and walks over to his daughter. "stop crying darling, stop crying. it's not good for you," he wraps an arm around jennie's waist and brings her in to his chest. "we'll figure it out, we always do."

~

november 27, 2004

~

the wails of a baby crying fills the entire room. jennie heaves a few breaths before releasing her mother's hand. "it's a girl miss kim," the doctor speaks as he raises a crying baby in the air, "jennie...it's your baby," chaerin speaks, her hand rubbing jennie's gently before a kiss gets pressed to her forehead. jennie doesn't smile and only turns away, she wanted to block out the noise the baby was making, she didn't want to hear it, she didn't want to see it. the baby was only a reminder of all the things she had to give up.

"jennie? don't you want to name her darling?"

jennie doesn't respond and looks around the room. she had a name for it but jennie didn't want to say it, she didn't want to let herself believe that she actually planned a name for the baby if it was a girl or boy, she didn't want to let herself believe that she was actually invested.

"jennie?"

"y/n sofia kim."

chaerin smiles at her daughter and nods at one of the nurses who's holding a hospital bracelet. she writes the new baby's name before wrapping the bracelet onto the baby's hand. she hands the baby over to jennie and jennie is hesitant to take it, she doesn't want to but she does anyway.

jennie observes the baby, the pale, soft skin that touched her own, the curve of her barely there eyebrow and the design of her perfect little hands. jennie was falling in love.

"ruby jane, look here," jennie looks up and smiles when her mother points a camera in her direction. she smiles and lets herself focus on the breathing she hears from the creature in her arms.

"y/n sofia kim. i'm your mommy, jennie kim."

~

despite jennie loving the baby in her arms, she knows she can't take of it. not when she gets extremely annoyed and frustrated when y/n even cries the slightest, she was close to yelling at y/n the past few days if it weren't for her mother catching her and then scolding her for doing so. jennie was already stressing in school and she didn't need a baby to add onto that plate.

jennie knows it's going to be hard seeing her daughter grow up without her actually raising it but she knows it's the best for all of them. she can't take of the baby, she can't take of the baby who she sees as just a mistake as she watches it sleep at night. she just can't.

it's better to give her to people who can raise her with all the care, attention and love.

"are you sure jennie?" jennie looks at her mother and nods, "it's not going to work out if i raise her eomma. i can't look at her without thinking she's a mistake. she needs someone who can love her."

so chaerin and jiyong agree and adopt their granddaughter as their own daughter. from that day forward, y/n sofia kim was known as jennie's younger sister, no questions were asked and everyone went along with the new normal.

from that day forward, jennie found it easier to have her hate her daughter and treat her like a nobody, it was easier that way and her feelings weren't going to make her do irrational things if she kept her distance. she needed to keep her distance, she needed to until she was finally ready. but for now, she can only call y/n her sister and nothing more.

~

jennie looks at the photograph of her fifteen year old self holding baby y/n. she still feels the emotions that she felt that very day, she felt happiness and joy whenever she saw y/n, she felt like kissing her daughter and hugging her, telling her how much she loved her, but she knew she couldn't. jennie recalls all the times she saw toddler y/n wandering around the house, she recalls how she wanted to scoop the little girl up in her arms and make her giggle, play with her and care for her. jennie couldn't help but to hate y/n because every time she saw y/n, she was reminded of the stupid decision to let her parents take care of her daughter, every time she looked at y/n, she was reminded of her countless mistakes.

jennie was too young to be a mother but as the years pass and she sees her daughter growing older, the itch just became bigger and bigger and jennie wants her daughter to know her as her mom and not her sister. she wanted y/n to know her.

chaerin walks into her study and sees jennie surrounded by all the documents and photos. "jennie.." jennie wipes her tears and laughs, "she knows." is all jennie says and chaerin's heart immediately pounds in her chest. she knows jennie is older and wiser, she knows that the girl is more than capable of taking care of her own daughter, jennie is more than capable of providing for her daughter but she's terrified of what y/n thinks, she's terrified at what y/n feels. she doesn't want y/n hating them, the only did what was best. jennie was only fifteen and was incapable of taking care of herself let alone another human being.

"do you think she hates me eomma? i've been so shitty towards her for years. how is she going to feel knowing that i'm her mother and not her sister." jennie breaks down in the arms of her mother. chaerin kisses jennie's head, "you'll get through it darling, don't you always?" jennie nods her head and doesn't dare look down at the documents on the ground, it openly brought the mistakes she made more prominent. jennie didn't want to think of all the things she did, she didn't want to keep those mistakes anymore and remember any of it.

~

y/n weeps on the ground, her hands are digging into her palms and she can't grasp the concept of it all. the sister she thought she had was actually her mother? what kind of fucked up drama was she put into when she was born into this earth. how did they manage to keep this secret for so long? how did y/n not see any of it? how did this whole event pass through y/n. how did y/n's parents or should she call them grandparents, allow her to call jennie her sister each and every single day of her life without feeling guilty of it? how was jennie able to insult her, push her away, pretend she doesn't exist all while knowing that she was her daughter.

y/n spent years wondering what she did wrong, she spend years blaming herself for her nonexistent relationship with her 'sister' only to find out jennie isn't her sister but her mother. for sixteen years, y/n had been lied to. for sixteen years, y/n was looking for answers and the only way she got them was because she accidentally found her grandma's cabinet filled with her documents. birth records, hospital records, photographs, everything. y/n had been lied to for sixteen years by the very family she loved and trusted. how did they do that to her? how did they look at her and tell her they loved her all while keeping a secret that y/n should've known.

she should've known, no wonder jennie hated her so much, she was the reason why jennie had to grow up faster, she was the reason why jennie had to stop doing the things she loved. she was the reason why jennie had to leave her childhood and become an adult. but was it y/n's fault? was it her fault that jennie had sex and got pregnant? no. it's not her fault but why does it feel like it is? all those glares and insults she's endured from jennie ever since she was young just because she came into jennie's life because of her poor decisions made y/n mad. she tried for years to get jennie to like her, to get the approval of her sister who she now knows is her mother.

it pained y/n to know that jennie insulted her, broke her, never cared for her or loved her while knowing she was her own flesh and blood.

all y/n ever wanted was to feel loved and cared for by her sister, but all she was looking for was nothing because her sister wasn't even her sister, it was her mother.

she felt a connection to jennie and now she knows why. y/n wants to laugh and maybe hit her head on the cement, the sister she knew for sixteen years was actually her mother. the mother who didn't raise her, the mother who didn't care for her, the mother who called her a disappointment, the mother who never loved her. the mother that was never there for her and called her a burden just because she needed to stay with her for two weeks. y/n felt so pathetic, she felt pathetic needing validation by someone who didn't even want her in the first place.

it hurt so much, like a throbbing pain from getting shot. although, y/n would rather get shot than have this happen to her.

y/n tries to think of all the times that didn't make sense. she tries to think of all the times things didn't add up.

~

y/n looks for her mother but she can't find her, she walks into her parent's room but quickly hides behind the door when she spots her older sister inside the room with her mother. y/n's birthday was coming up and she saw this as an opportunity to see what her mother was going to gift her. she was to turn twelve and she was excited.

"you didn't have to do this jennie," she hears her mother speak in a hushed voice, lifting up a piece of fabric in her hands before rummaging through the boxes of shoes. "eomma...i need to.." chaerin smiles warmly at her daughter, she kisses her cheek and takes the paper bags that were adorned with designer logos. "she'll love it."

"just...just say it's from appa. it's better that way," y/n watches as chaerin lifts up two Chanel boxes that were wrapped so prettily, y/n is distracted by the beautiful logo and the beautiful ribbon that complimented the box. it was so pretty, y/n wished it was hers.

"anything you want darling. will you be here?" y/n watches as her sister shakes her head sadly, "i can't. it'll only be bad. i can't handle myself when i'm with her.." y/n feels bad for her sister and wishes to wrap her arms around the girl but she knows that jennie doesn't want that.

~

"eomma! how did you know i wanted this?!" y/n was surprised that her old mother knew what a camera was, not only a camera but a cam recorder, a very vintage one at that. "well..i may have had some help little one," y/n smiles at her mother and leaps into her arms, hugging her furiously while her father laughs along and her sister pays no mind, texting on her phone like usual. jennie was always busy and y/n came to understand that.

it wasn't until hours later that y/n saw a receipt from the Canon story, on the ground, near jennie's room. being the thirteen year old she was, she was curious and picked it up. to her surprise, she read the description of the item which was the exact cam recorder she just received from her mother, charged to jennie's name. y/n furrows her eye brows and tilts her head.

"what do you think you're doing?" the cold and harsh voice of her sister scares her and y/n accidentally drops the receipt from her hands. jennie's eyes widen and y/n closes her eyes in anticipation for the impact of jennie's voice. "didn't eomma tell you not to snoop through people's things?!"

y/n nods and apologies quietly to her sister but all jennie does is roll her eyes and head into her bedroom, shutting the door loudly.

~

"appa, you need to tell me what shade you painted y/n's room," jennie frantically screams into the phone, hurting her father's ears, "jennie, i need you to calm down sweetheart," jiyong hears jennie sigh into the phone, "please. it's the first time i'll be alone with her, i need to know what colour you painted her room so that i can paint her room that colour too." jiyong laughs at how nervous his daughter was, "jennie..you're the one who requested this, why are you so nervous?"

"appa! please just tell me! i need her room to be prepared before she comes into two days."

"okay sweetheart, i'll be there in a bit, in the meantime, why don't you decorate her room?" jiyong smiles as he hears his daughter finally comply.

~

y/n knows that it makes sense now. the walls, the extravagant christmas and birthday gifts that she received, ones that her parents wouldn't ever buy for her but she knows jennie would because jennie was into those things, the camera in her bedroom, the knowledge on her favourite foods. jennie paid attention, her mother knew everything about her and introduced her to the things she was interested in by posing it through her grandparents. all this time, y/n thought jennie knew nothing about her but in reality, jennie knew everything about her because she introduced y/n to everything.

y/n shuts her eyes and lets the cold wind engulf her, she just wanted to disappear into a world where she knew where she belonged. jennie was her mother, jiyong and chaerin were her grandparents but why did she feel like she suddenly didn't know any of them.

who was her dad and why wasn't he in the picture? did her dad even know her? did he love her? would he have loved her?

y/n recalls the way ashley, felix, chanyeol and jongin all looked at her like she was some precious child, turns out they just knew exactly what happened and knew who y/n truly was.

y/n feels her heart tear in two when she remembers the abortion papers that were printed out but never submitted. jennie didn't want her. jennie didn't want her. her own mother didn't want her, so why was she still here?

god, y/n felt so stupid. how was she ever going to live life normal again? how was she going to forgive her grandparents, her own mother?

everything was too clear now, the way jennie hated having jisoo around because the girl constantly made y/n do things that only hurt her, the way jennie was so worried and authoritative whenever y/n wanted to do things. y/n thought that jennie just wanted to control her life because that's what siblings do, but now she knows that jennie was following her instinctive motherly senses.

y/n sits on the curb, her head in her hands and her thoughts jumbled apart. if she was confused before, now she just didn't know who she was anymore.

~

it's three in the morning when y/n finally returns home. to her surprise, her grandparents and mother are awake and sitting on the couch, waiting for her.

"y/n.." chaerin starts but y/n just glares at her, she glares at everyone in the room.

"can you be truthful with me. who the fuck am i? because ever since i was young, i always questioned who i was and where i belonged. i had you two, my parents who i thought were my parents and i had this sister who for the life of me couldn't figure out why she hated me so much. ever since i could talk, i never felt like myself, there was always something missing no matter how happy my life was. and here i am, sixteen years later, finding out that my own 'sister' is actually my mother and my 'parents' are my grandparents. how messed up is that? a kid who never knew where they belonged only to find out years later that they were never the person their family made them believe," chaerin tries to walk closer to y/n but the girl only backed away. she was too hurt to have someone console her. she needed time to herself and she needed to figure this out on her own.

"i spent years...years asking myself what i ever did wrong to make jennie unnie hate me. was it because i was born and stole all the attention? was it because i wasn't good enough, pretty enough, smart enough? was i ever enough? was i ever enough to keep unnie? because you never wanted me. you wanted me gone but here i am, still standing and very much alive. is that why you hate me? because i never died and you had to live with the mistake that you created running around the house, smiling and cheering? i tried for so many years to get you to love me the way you loved our cousins. i remember looking at you and wanting to desperately feel that warmth that you radiated when you kissed or hugged our cousins. i was so young and i was longing for your love without even knowing who the fuck you truly were. you aren't my sister, you never were. you were my mother and you abandoned me while still being in my life," y/n cried loudly, her hands clutching on her clothes.

"and you know what's the sad part? the sad part is that i don't care of how you treated me, i don't care that you didn't love me or cared for me, your own daughter. the sad part is that you gave me away like i was some doll while having the nerve to still watch me grow up without the need of wanting me back. that's the saddest part. here i was longing for you warmth without even knowing who you truly were to me while you were other there, not giving a shit and not wanting me...." y/n walks past all of them but jennie grips on her daughter's wrist, pulling y/n back.

"the part that hurts most is knowing that you were never wanted. and that's exactly what i was to you." y/n turns away and jennie shouts for her to stop.

"y/n, you need to listen to me, please."

"what is there to listen to? so i can hear more lies? so you can lie to me more like you haven't done that for the past sixteen years of my fucking existence?"

"you don't talk to your mother like that y/n," jiyong finally speaks after being silent for most of the conversation. "mother? are you sure she's my mom? she barely acted like a sister to me and now you're saying that she's my mom?" y/n laughed mockingly and made her way up the stairs but stopped when she heard jennie speak.

"i was fifteen when i found out i was pregnant y/n. it was a mistake at a stupid party, i was drunk and i did something that was very irresponsible. i was still a child, i was so young. i had no idea how to be a mother let alone take care of a baby that was mine. i needed to go to school still, i needed to fulfill my dreams. i had to let you go because i wasn't fit to take care of you. i wanted to abort, yes, but i changed my mind because i didn't want to. i got scared and realized that i'd never bear the guilt if i were to kill you. so a couple weeks after you were born, i had to give you away to people who knew how to take care of someone as precious as you. i needed you to be raised by people who were stable and who loved you. i loved you but i couldn't take care of you. i could barely take care of myself, i couldn't put that on you too."

jennie tried to have y/n understand but the wound was too deep and too open. it hurt y/n so much, her entire life felt like a joke, a lie.

"it was a mistake you committed, so why weren't you the one who fixed it? you were selfish and took the easy way out. you left me with people who i thought were my parents while you were there all along. you made me believe in people who aren't even my parents. you made me trust, love and care for people who aren't even my parents. you gave my away while you were there! you spoke to me like i wasn't your own flesh and blood, you acted like i wasn't yours and you acted like we weren't related. you treated me like i was nothing and now you're telling me that you love me? how can you stand there and face your daughter who you lied to for sixteen years and have the audacity to say you love her?"

jennie at this point was trying her hardest not to break down but it was getting extremely hard not to. the guilt and emotions she's been suppressing for years was finally catching up to her and biting her in the ass. "i couldn't have you be with someone who wasn't fit for having you y/n, you have to understand that. i couldn't take care of you but now i can."

"now you can? now that i'm sixteen? what about when i was twelve? you were twenty-seven and completely capable of taking responsibility of me, why couldn't you do it then? what makes now different from then? i would rather be raised by my own mother than someone who isn't my parent. i'd rather have you make mistakes while raising me than be raised by someone else. you're supposed to be my mother, you're supposed to be there and love me, care for me and take care of me. but you weren't. you never were there."

"y/n, you have to believe me. i love you. you're my daughter and i love you so much. i wasn't ready then, i wasn't ready to take full responsibility of you. i still had so much to learn when i was twenty-seven but now i-"

"now you're what? more stable? more knowledgeable? that's no excuse as to how you treated me! you treated me like i wasn't even your daughter! treated me like i was some random person living in the same house as you! you didn't even care for me while you were my 'sister' and now you want me to believe that you love me and are willing to care for me? you can't be serious. i've longed for you for years now. it's been sixteen years and i longed for your love, your motherly love that i knew i was missing but didn't know exactly from who. how could you live with me, how could all of you live with me, tell me you loved me and cared for me while keeping my true identity a secret? how could you possibly do that. you lived with me, breathed the same air as me, ate with me and was raised alongside me. how could you live normally and carry on with your day while i was there...running around, playing and begging you to play with me..even just for a few seconds. all i wanted was for you to notice me as your sister but now i learn that you're my mother and you didn't give two fucks when i was a toddler begging for your attention."

y/n shakes her head and watches as her mother, grandmother and grandfather tear up and break down. the secret's out and y/n finally knew. the answer that she's been looking for for years was finally revealed and smacked her across the face. y/n wished she could turn back time, she wished she never found out and lived her life like how it was before.

"you thought giving me away to your parents was a good idea, i was raised alongside you and made to believe that you were my sister all while you knew that i was your daughter. your own flesh and blood yet you had no ounce of guilt as i grew up in front of your eyes. you yourself knew how much i ached yet you just watched and did nothing. and now you're asking me to believe you and believe that you love me. who do you think i am?"

y/n shakes her head and walks up the stairs to her room, shutting the door and ignoring the cries of her mother. the mother who she thought was her sister. the mother who made her do things just so she could like her, the mother who didn't have a problem seeing her daughter get raised by someone who wasn't her.

jennie watches as her daughter turns around and doesn't look back at her. she's truly lost. the decision that she thought was a good idea just backfired on her and made her one and only daughter hate her. jennie was too late.

y/n comes back down, two bags in her hands. "i'll be staying at rosie's house for this week. i need time to myself...i have no idea how to stomach all of this without feeling the need to vomit," y/n looks at her grandparents before nodding and walking right past jennie.

"oh..and jennie.." jennie turns around at the sound of her name being called by her daughter. hope fills up in her but it quickly comes crashing down when y/n wipes the remaining tears in her eyes and gives jennie an empty smile.

"you don't have to worry about me calling you unnie anymore. there's no point in calling you that when i don't even know what you are to me anymore."

and jennie's heart cracks more and more as y/n gets further and further away.

- fin.

[shannarous]

hey i've seen some people claiming it still possible for eren to be father of historia child and its making me anxious. what do you think?

Hi anon! The short answer is no, I don’t think it’s possible, has never been. There is so much speaking against it - so here’s the long answer (stating the obvious):

Let's start with looking at Historia's reasons for becoming pregnant in the first place. Usually the reason for having a child is love. It's crystal clear though that this is not the case for Historia's child, no matter who the father is. The only one who Historia showed genuine affection towards was Ymir, and ever since her death Historia didn't really seem to care about anyone except for the orphan kids of Paradis. Now, chapter 138 confirmed that Eren was/is in love with Mikasa, or - if you don't see it that way - at least that Mikasa is the most important person in his life, so important that he would even ditch his best friend Armin and send Historia through hell just to spend his last years with Mikasa and Mikasa alone. Eren never showed similar feelings towards anyone but her, and the special moments he shared with her are plenty. Her memory shards always take up the most space by far and they're almost always at the very center. So, Eren and Historia both have (or had) their special someone whom they don't want to live without, and once they're separated from them their characters become dark. This makes Eren and Historia pretty similar to each other, and it's exactly why they became allies, or "partners in crime" even. They do care for each other, but not at all in a romantical way. Rather, we know that Eren cares for all of his friends and the people of Paradis in general. He wants them to live long and happy lives, so it's only natural that he initially stood up against Zeke's plan to turn Historia into a breeding machine and have her titanized eventually. He desperately sought a way out of it because it was against every single principle he has and because Historia is one of his dearest friends, but not his lover. Historia appreciated this, but she had actually accepted her fate and was willing to go through that hell if it served a greater good. Which is why it was no surprise that she was the one to suggest the pregnancy later while Eren had despised the idea the whole time.

So, if love isn't the reason for Historia's pregnancy, what is? Actually, there are several tactical reasons for it, and none of them requires Eren to be the father.

As mentioned above, Historia was the one to suggest the pregnancy, when she was talking with Eren about his Rumbling plans. We haven't seen the whole talk (yet), but I think we've seen enough to understand what it all meant. In short, the whole purpose of her pregnancy was to avoid her being titanized and Zeke being fed to her. While Eren initially just wanted to save her from having to bear a child she clearly didn't want and to stop the cruel cycle of children having to eat their parents, he now also had something different in mind. He needed a titan of royal blood to put his plan into action, and conveniently his half-brother was just that. However, Zeke would have been fed to Historia the moment he lay a foot on Paradis if the military had their way, and that may have even been an option for Eren too, since she’s got royal blood just as well as Zeke. But Historia actually wasn't okay with Eren's plans at first and even wanted to go along with the military's. So he needed to convince her to obey, otherwise he would have had to use Founding Titan to make her cooperate - whereas he had seen in his future memories that with Zeke he would be able to achieve his goal much easier. Moreover, had he used Historia instead of Zeke, her lifespan would have been shortened drastically, and not only that: It would've put her in grave danger. We don't know exactly how much Eren knew about the future, but even if he hadn't known anything at all at that time, he must've considered the possibility of his plan failing. Maybe he even already knew he was gonna be killed, and if it had been Historia in Zeke's place during the Rumbling, she would've been killed along with him. Eren did everything he possibly could to leave his friends out of his plans, to be the only one responsible for it all, to be the only "bad guy" - that's what the Rumbling was all about in the first place. He needed Historia to play along, but quietly. Well, Historia made it pretty clear she wouldn't support him with the Rumbling, so much so that Eren offered to alter her memories if the burden of knowing was too much for her to bear. However, when he reminded her of her own words, that she was "the worst girl in the world", humanity's enemy, I guess Historia knew in that moment that she wouldn't be able to stop him, so she gave up opposing him and became his ally again. Since the only option to prevent Historia from being titanized and eating Zeke was the pregnancy, in the end, it was a choice between certain death (either in the near future or after 13 years at the latest) or a 9-month-hell for Historia, and they chose the latter as it obviously seemed like the smaller price to pay.

So now they had agreed on the pregnancy being necessary as a way to prevent Historia's certain death and to start the Rumbling. I can see why some people think it'd be logical that Eren would "help" her with executing this plan, but there is way too much speaking against that:

- As I have made clear above, Eren and Historia are not in love, have never been. In fact, they are or were both in love with someone else. It is therefore highly unlikely that Eren would just say "sure you need a baby I'll make you one" - no, both of them would never ever want this. If you think they would, you haven't understood their characters at all. Besides, Historia may have given in to Eren's plan after all, but keep in mind that she was actually wholeheartedly against his ideas. While they were allies in the end, their mindsets were quite different, if not opposing. That's why I don't see that "connection" that some fans claim exists between them. They are very similar in character, but they deal with their fates very differently.

- I've highlighted before that Eren despises the idea of putting Historia through the living hell that is forced pregnancy. Do you really think he would even be able to have sex with her like that? The only reason he agreed to her becoming pregnant is that the only other option was her certain death. If there had been another way, he sure as hell would never have agreed to put her through that.

- I haven't mentioned him until now but he's probably even the most important piece in this puzzle: Farmer-kun exists. Why would Historia even bother to approach Farmer-kun if she really already had Eren to make her a child? He wouldn't be necessary. Some say he's just a "cover-up story", but what for? Why would Eren and Historia even have to keep it a secret if Eren was the father? That one military officer said it loud and clear when talking to Nile and the others: they do not care at all who impregnated Historia. The queen is free to chose her suitors herself. All they care about is the simple fact that she's pregnant. She could've even said she didn't know who the father was, it wouldn't have changed a thing. Moreover, consider the fact that Farmer-kun seems oblivious to all of it. If he really was a cover-up, he wouldn't know, and that means Historia would still have had to sleep with him to make him believe he's the father, even if she already was pregnant from Eren. And if Eren really was in love with Historia, he would never let her have sex with someone else just for cover-up. As if the pregnancy itself wasn't enough of a burden already.

- Last but not least: Eren does not have any special genes at all. He's not of royal blood, nor is he an Ackermann or Asian or anything that would make him a tactical choice for being the father of this child. Titan powers are not inherited by shifter's children either - it was stated unmistakably in the manga that when a shifter dies without passing on their titan powers, they're transferred to a random newborn Eldian child, no matter the distance or blood relation between the two. From this perspective, Farmer-kun's genes are just as good as Eren's.

I hope this helps anon, I know how anti’s theories can cause anxiety, even knowing that it’s probably not true. Chapter 139 will clear things up for better or for worse, we’ll see. Maybe I’m completely wrong, but I consider it extremely unlikely at this point.

[lorelexi]

can i request a tsukishima imagine where he doesn’t like to show pda (but you do) so he snaps at you and that causes you to distant yourself from him and to one of your guy friends? possibly make it as angsty as you can w a fluffy ending :)

A/N: aaaa I'm sorry this took so long 😖 thank you for waiting! I hope you enjoy💝

Warnings: angst(barely) to fluff

---

When you started dating Tsukishima, you knew for the most part what that meant. You knew that he wouldn’t express his feelings outwardly. Especially not any feelings of affection. That didn't stop it from being hard though.

Sure, he’d indulge you most of the time in private (generally accompanied by some teasing) but you couldn’t stop yourself from yearning for more than that.

The amount of times you'd had to stop yourself from grabbing his hand while on campus or from running up and giving him a hug, was honestly kind of overwhelming.

You tried your best to respect his boundaries, you really did. But sometimes you just wanted some affection and attention from your boyfriend so much and you ended up instinctively grabbing his hand for comfort or kissing his cheek while passing in the halls at school.

It had happened a few times already, where you’d done this, but it wasn’t until you popped into his classroom one day during lunch that he finally snapped.

With a soft “Hi Tsukki.”, you walked over and lightly placed a hand on his bicep before leaning up to kiss him and he abruptly pulled away and out of your grasp. The scowl on his face was evident and you knew why.

“Why do you always do that?” His voice was raised. “You know I hate it when you do that so why do you keep doing it?”

You tried to think of some sort of coherent answer to get him to stop looking at you the way he was -eyes full of distaste- but the words didn’t come. Instead you just stood there looking at him with wide eyes.

Tsukishima took this as an opening to continue. “Like seriously, you’ve been so annoying lately. Have you even been thinking about how I’ve felt about you doing this or were you just too wrapped up in yourself to notice?” He rubbed his fingers over his eyes in exasperation, the motion slightly pushing up his glasses.

Tears threatening to spill from your eyes, you looked around the classroom. It wasn’t crowded but there were enough people pretending like they weren't eavesdropping on your conversation to make you hold back your tears in fear of embarrassing yourself further.

Chin up, you gazed at Tsukishima, your eyes void of emotion. “You’re right...sorry.” In one swift motion you grabbed your things and turned to face the door. “I’ll just... leave you alone then.”

That was almost two weeks ago.

In that time, you kept your distance from Tsukishima. Your interactions were short, you hadn’t hung out with him, and you’d stopped all forms of physical affection.

Honestly, he’d enjoyed at first, but when you said you’d leave him alone, he kind of figured you meant for like, a day, before falling back into your normal routine of things, not weeks.

He didn’t necessarily think that he was being unreasonable so he figured he would just give you some time to yourself to do what you needed to before getting back to normal.

It wasn’t until he saw you getting all cozy with your close male friend that he realized how he’d fucked up.

You weren’t pushing pda to purposefully disrespect his boundaries, all things considered you’d actually been pretty good about respecting them, you were probably just looking for more of his attention. Which, if he was being honest with himself about, he could definitely be better about. It’s not that he didn’t want to but he’s kept to himself for so long that he’s not used to outward displays of affection, giving or receiving. Also his pride tended to stop him from doing things that he would normally deem as embarrassing. But logically, there shouldn’t be anything super embarrassing about indulging his s/o in some pda at times. Thinking about it again, he began to realize how harsh he must have sounded, enough to drive you away from him and so some other guy?

So maybe he fucked up, but if he didn’t try to fix his mistake now, it’d be even more fucked up.

And that’s how he found himself hastily walking toward where you were sitting with your friend. You sat on a bench in the school's courtyard, reading over a book for english while your head rested on his shoulder.

“Y/n.” Tsukishima called out.

The sound of his voice slightly startled you. “Oh, Tsukki, hi..” You weren’t quite sure of what to say and Tsukishima inwardly cringed at the uncertainty that laced your words. He hated that he was responsible for that.

“I’m going to go get a shortcake from the cafeteria, will you walk with me for a bit?”

You were taken by surprise a bit at Tsukishima’s request and watched as he intently looked at you, avoiding the stare of your friend who was sitting beside you.

It wasn’t necessarily an unusual request for Tsukki to seek out your company, but considering the way the last two weeks had gone, it was a bit...odd.

Before you could sit there trying to figure him out for too long, he reached out his hand for you to take.

You blinked, almost comically, trying to understand what the hell was going on. Tsukishima, your Tsukki, was asking you to hold his hand?

Interrupted again from thinking for too long, your friend stood up from beside you, likely determining that it would be best that you inevitably talked it out with Tsukishima, and excused himself.

This left you to take Tsukishima’s hand as he gently tugged you off the bench and grabbed your bag from you.

The first few minutes that you had been walking were spent in silence, before both of you decided to speak up at the same time.

“Hey, Tsukki-”

“Y/n, listen-”

You laughed awkwardly and Tsukishima smiled at you nervously.

“You first Kei.” you spoke, squeezing his hand lightly, urging him to continue.

“Ah, I just wanted to apologize for the things I said in the classroom a couple weeks ago. I realized that it wasn’t fair of me to say all of that, especially since you've actually been pretty mindful of my boundaries since even before we started dating. I need to be a lot more considerate of your feelings as well. You deserve a lot more credit and I shouldn’t have spoken to you the way that I did. I’m sorry”

By the time that he finished speaking, he had come to a stop and was now looking at you softly, awaiting your reaction.

When you smiled at him, a wave of relief flooded over him.

“Thank you for apologizing Tsukki, I appreciate it a lot. I’m sorry if I’ve pushed you too much at times, I just really love you and I can’t help but want to kiss you or hold your hand sometimes.” You said, swinging your intertwined hands slightly to emphasize your words.

"I know, and I’ll try my best to indulge you more often while I try to get more comfortable with being more affectionate with you in public, okay?”

You nodded at him with a happy smile and he flicked your forehead lightly before leaning in close to you, similarly sporting a rare soft smile.“I love you too by the way, in case you forgot.”

The way that he kissed you following this sentence and the way he’d act after, you knew you wouldn’t be forgetting that any time soon.

[the-avengers-ate-my-tongue]

The Storm

Summary: You work with Jack Crawford and Alana is your cousin, both of you live together for a long time. She gets caught up with a flat tire far away and asks you to let Will in, for he's expecting her. A storm is coming, and she keeps taking longer and longer to show up. Will the universe conspire in your favor?

Pairing: Will Graham x reader

Warnings: swearing, insinuation of smut, fluff.

Word count: 4.328

A/n: I'm starting to consider changing this tumblr for a Hannibal one, mostly Will Graham, so some requests from other fandoms would be nice haha hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing ♥️

*not my gif

There wasn't a thing such as a boring day at the BAU. 

At least not when you're part of Jack Crawford's crew. There was always an interesting case to focus on, a disfigured body to study the reason of death, it was always a thrilling hunt for evidence. The best experience I've ever had so far in my career, and I could only thank my cousin Alana for putting me on the Guru's radar. I was a great crime scene investigator, albeit a little younger than people gave me credit for. I taught people not to underestimate me over the years, though. I got here by my own effort, being a tenacious, hard-working woman who wouldn't get a no for an answer. 

I got along well with my crewmates, Beverly Katz, Brian Zeller and Jimmy Price, though our relationship hardly extended for life outside work. Except for Beverly, we went out for a couple of beers sometimes, she was fun, witty and I really liked our conversations. Jack was the big boss, and that was it. I had a lot of respect for him, and I knew he didn't regret bringing me to his team, I could see it in his eyes in the first case I've got. I was very cunning when I shared my insights about the cases, sometimes I saw things no one else could, no one but…

Of course, I was far, far away from being a Will Graham. But ever since I was younger, I've had this sort of intuition that helped me to solve problems, I would solve riddles easily and when people asked me how I got to the answer, I wouldn't know the steps, I just knew deep in my bones I was right. That happened a lot when I was growing up and was even stronger now that I knew how to use it. It was some artifice of my inconscient, something I could always count on. It included everything in my life, math, logical thinking, riddles. My brain picked things I couldn't perceive clearly, bringing them to the clear waters of my conscience. 

Will Graham was a curious man. He intrigued me from the very first moment I saw him at the house of one of the last victims of The Minnesota Shrike, Garret Jacob Hobbs, now dead. He was practically hiding in a corner, his eyes closed behind the lens of his glasses, dark wavy hair, jawline for days. He seemed highly focused until Beverly started to talk to him, pulling him out of his daze. He could barely look at her, or at me, and although he looked socially awkward and troubled, he still managed to look like a daydream. I studied every inch of his face, lowering my gaze when he seemed to get uncomfortable, after smiling lightly. I was a bit shy myself. I lived with Alana and, when I got home that night, I absentmindedly asked her about that curious handsome man who seemed to be out of place, yet so connected to that scene. She started to talk about him, but stopped once she noticed my interest. Then, she told me he was a very unstable person, that she wouldn't even be alone in the room with him because of her professional curiosity. As time passed and he solved more and more cases, I could see how people looked at him like an attraction of the zoo. However, not me, and later, not Beverly. Brian didn't seem to like him very much, I could see. Envy, perhaps? Nevertheless, the more I saw Will, the more intrigued I got. He avoided eye contact like the plague, but as I was always friendly and tried my best to treat him like a normal person, not focusing only on work, dead bodies and serial killers, I saw more of those beautiful blue eyes. He knew I was Alana's cousin, and I sooner realized he had a fling for her. 

And boy, did that break my silly little heart. I wasn't surprised, though. Who could blame him? Alana was amazing. I never felt resentful for that, but as time passed, I started to detach from the idea of Will being somewhat more than a simple acquaintance. That afternoon, I was going home from work when I got a call from Alana.

"Speak fast, I'm driving." I said, keeping one hand on the wheel and the other holding my phone.

"You're going home? Great. I invited Will so we could talk about a profile I'm building, but I got caught up here. I already spoke to him, he's almost there, can you let him in? He said he'll wait, and I'll be home in about fifty minutes, no more than that, hopefully." She said in a hurry, and I felt my cheeks burn a little. Will and me? Home alone? 

"I…" I hesitated, chewing my bottom lip nervously. "You won't be long, right? Heard on the radio there’s a storm for later."

"I won't, promise. Just let him in, he's already aware I'll take a little longer to be there. See you soon. Thanks, Y/n!" She hung up, not leaving me any time to answer. I put the phone down, still chewing on my bottom lip. I could feel excitement rising on my stomach, making me feel slightly nauseated, and noticed my hands starting to sweat.

Please. That was ridiculous. What was I, a teenager? I was a grown-up, well-succeeded woman, for God's sake. I rubbed my hands on my jeans, driving a little faster than I usually did almost unconsciously. I got home after twenty minutes, parking outside the pretty house. Will was already there, leaning against his car, so lost in his thoughts he barely noticed I'd arrived. I looked at my reflection at the mirror hurriedly, fixing my hair, pinching my cheeks to look less pale, brushing my eyebrows with my fingers to make them look neat. I wasn't even wearing any lipstick today. It had been a long day at work. 

I opened the car door, exiting the vehicle, the noise from shutting the door finally bringing him out of his daze, and he finally seemed to notice me. He smiled lightly, lowering his eyes. He had his glasses on, but as soon as he saw me, he took them off, hanging them on his shirt.

"Hey, Will. I hope I haven't kept you waiting too long. There was a little bit of traffic." I justified, walking to the porch and waiting for him to follow me. 

"Y/n. Not at all, I just got here. Alana explained what happened, thanks for coming to let me in. Hope I didn't ruin any appointment you may have had." He waited until I unlocked the door, and we finally were engulfed with the warm air of the heater.

"Nope, I was coming home, no appointments lost. Please, come in. I'm not sure you've ever been here before, but make yourself home." I hung my trench coat, sighing with the pleasure of being home. I loved the atmosphere of that place. "Can I get you anything? Water, soda, beer…"

"Thank you. I'm fine. And no, I haven't been here before." I held back the temptation of saying "good", biting my bottom lip as I watched him sit on the couch. I just stood there for a while, not sure of what to do next. 

He frowned a little, probably thinking why I was acting so weird, and that made me nervous, because it was just an easy step to realize my silly crush on him. Did he know? What if Alana said something? Said something? For fuck's sake, he was Will Graham, he could probably see that written across my stupid face! Shit, he knows. I'm making a fool of myself. Why do I even…

"Is everything okay?" His voice startled me a little, pulling me out of my neurotic breakdown, and I wondered how my facial expressions looked. Was I blinking only one eye like the stereotyped madness of cartoons? I certainly didn't look normal. I cleared my throat, laughing lightly.

"Yeah. Yeah, I guess I'm not really used to having people over anymore. I've been working a lot lately. People are dying like flies." I sat on the armchair in front of him, sighing. 

"What we do can be overwhelming sometimes. What we see every day. It just… stains you." He said, with a dark look on his serious eyes. 

I nodded. I felt that way sometimes, but I was used to it. I stopped feeling that sense of inadequacy on my chest years ago. 

"I guess you just begin to cope with it, though. Our brain adapts to that harsh reality. But it's always nice to vent somehow. What do you do in your free time?" I asked, wondering if I was getting too personal. Did I sound like I was probing to ask him out?  I felt my face getting warm. Damn it.

Either he didn't realize, or he was just too chivalrous to point, but he didn't mention anything.

"I fish." He said, simply. I nodded with a light smile.

"And you play with your doggies." I pointed, smiling wider. I loved dogs. He'd mentioned them before, so I just brought the subject up, trying to shift the attention from me to them. Will smiled back, his eyes with a subtle glow. He really loved them, and that was so sweet. "Fishing sounds nice. Unfortunately, I could never. I'm too restless. I'd probably startle all the fish and wouldn't catch anything."

He laughed, and that was the first time I ever heard that sound coming out of him. I felt like I was someone deaf that was able to hear the sound of Mozart's symphonies for the first time, and I just knew. There was never detachment from the idea of Will being more than an acquaintance. It was tackled down inside my brain somewhere, for the brain tends to adapt to harsh realities, but it was still there, just waiting for some incentive. 

"It's just a matter of training, getting used to it. I could teach you someday… if you want." He blinked a few times, as if he was surprised with his own boldness, smiling lightly. "And you? What do you do to vent?" He asked, seeming genuinely interested.

"Well, I read a lot. Maybe I could read by the riverside while I watch you fish." I said, shrugging with a subtle smile.

"It's a date, then?" Will inquired, making me mortified. Caught me by total surprise, and when I was about to say something, my phone rang.

"Excuse me." I answered the phone. It was Alana. "Hey. We're already here waiting for you."

Not that I wanted her to arrive any time sooner, but she didn't have to know that.

"You won't believe me; I've got a flat tire. There's a guy helping me out, I was lucky, I'm in the middle of nowhere. But I'll get there in about fifty more minutes, more or less. Can you put Will on the phone? I'll explain everything to him."

"Do you need one of us to pick you up? I'm sure he wouldn't mind, I wouldn't…"

"No, he's almost done. Thank you. Let me talk to Will, I'll be there soon. The storm is about to catch me, I wanna hurry."

I sighed, grimacing at him. 

"She wants to talk to you." I passed him the phone, studying his expressions while he talked to her. As I looked at the window, I could see the dark clouds gathering up, making the end of the afternoon murky. The storm was about to hit hard. I could see a few thin drops of rain starting to wet the glass.

"I can stay a little longer, no problem. I'm being well attended." He traded looks with me, biting his lip slightly. "Okay. I'll see you soon, Alana."

He gave me the phone, but Alana was already gone. I put it on the coffee table, getting up.

"I think I'll pour myself some wine. Do you want some?" I asked politely. "It's one of the fanciest ones; Hannibal gave us a bottle when we dined at his house a few days ago."

"Yes. Thank you." He waited for me to come back with the beverages, and I did my best not to spill anything, sitting on the couch beside him while I gave him the glass. "So you're acquainted with Dr. Lecter?"

"Oh yeah, he's an old friend of Alana's, sometimes he invites us to dinner. He cooks the best meals I've ever had in my entire life, so I don't exactly decline the invitations. And he's one of the most brilliant people I've ever met, so it's always interesting." I took a sip of the crimson liquid, moaning low in pleasure. Good wine. I preferred a good cup of hot oolong, but it was impossible not to appreciate the quality of that drink. 

A few glasses after and a lot of talks about dogs, fishing and other hobbies, he finally felt safe to bring back the topic. The rain had started really pouring, the now thicker drops hitting the windows loudly. Alana hadn't called again. It was nighttime now, the sky seeming to be darker than usual. I was low-key worried about her, but the conversation was too great to interrupt. She was a good driver. She would be just fine. 

"I've been seeing Hannibal Lecter in his office. Not exactly his patient, though. A courtesy of Jack Crawford to keep an eye on the coping of my brain functions." He sounded a bit bitter, drinking a few sips of his wine.

I could see he didn't like therapy. Must be hard with someone with a mind like his.

"You know, sometimes, Alana psychoanalyses me. Like, she doesn't even notice. It's cute, but sometimes it creeps me out." 

"She has a professional curiosity about me, but she's too polite and considerate to let it slip out. We've never even been alone in the same room together."

I held back a bitter comment, not wanting to talk shit about my cousin, but he saw it right through me. 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to put you in a complicated position."

"I know. You're sweet." The word slipped through my tongue before I could contain it. Will blinked a few times, seeming surprised, and I felt my cheeks burn, starting to stutter. "I meant… I'm sorry, did I make you uncomfortable?"

"No, no. It's just… no one's ever called me that before." It was my time to get surprised. He didn't seem to be complimented much, and that just made me flabbergasted. I couldn't be the only one who saw how fantastic Will was.

"... Ah. Well, some people are just shy. I'm shy as hell, don't even know how I had the nerve to say that, it's probably the wine starting to kick in. Hope I really didn't make you uncomfortable, though. Don't need to be polite, it's okay to tell me."

"Actually, I'm curious to know what else you think of me. I sense it's not the only word you have to define me." He sounded bolder, and his eyes were on mine, giving me shivers down my spine. 

"Well… I think you're too exceptional to be defined with a few words. You're… Kind, brilliant… I see how seeing what you see, doing what you do, how it wrecks you sometimes, and you just keep doing it because you're saving lives. That's so selfless, Will. That's…" I was going to say more, but at that very moment, a loud thunder just made the house practically tremble, and I let out a real inelegant weep, coming closer to Will and holding his arm firmly, my fingers grabbing on the fabric of his shirt. He could've thought it was an artifice to get closer to him, but he could see how frightened I was, trembling like a cornered wild little beast. I hated thunders, fireworks, anything loud. Feeling ridiculous, I released his shirt, apologizing with embarrassment.

"It's okay. It's just noise. I'm here." He put some of my hair that had fallen to my face behind my ear with such a tenderness that I felt my stomach twitch, realizing suddenly how close we were. He was looking at me as if it was the first time he was actually seeing me. 

The phone rang again. Alana! I grabbed it from the coffee table, turning to face Will. He wasn't avoiding eye contact anymore, his pupils were dilated. My breathing was accelerated, and I knew it had little to do with the thunder.

"Lana, is everything okay?" I asked with genuine concern. "Are you close?"

"Ah, Y/n. I'm so sorry. I don't think I'll make it in time, I'm driving slow, the roads are slippery because of the storm and it's pretty foggy. I'll stop at a motel and spend the night, or at least wait for the storm to pass. I'm so furious with myself!"

"It's okay cuz, do what's safer for you. I'm sure Will will understand. I'll pass him the phone." I gave him the phone and he talked to Alana for a few minutes, but I wasn't listening. She'd ruined the moment unintentionally, and now he was probably going home. When would I have an opportunity like that again? 

"Okay. Don't worry. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye, Alana. Take care." He gave me the phone and I put it on the coffee table again. Before any of us could say anything, another thunder cracked the sky, and this time, Will held me so I wouldn't be afraid. The lights went out, and he held me against his chest protectively, making me smell his aftershave and some perfume. He smelled so good. For a moment, I just stood there in his arms, feeling his warmth, his breath, the steady beats of his heart. 

I moved away just a little to see his face, very close to mine, but it was so dark I could only see shadows. A lightning lit up the room and, just for a little moment, I could see his gorgeous eyes staring at me. After a soft touch of his thumb on my lips, he finally kissed me, so gentle, like I could break as fine china with any rougher move. I touched his neck with both my hands, playing with his hair, feeling how soft they were. He pulled me closer, his hands on my waist, and the kiss started to get deeper, voracious, as if we were hungry for each other. Maybe the wine was helping to raise the lust; all I know is that I've wanted that to happen for a long time. Will's kiss was everything I imagined it would be, but entirely different at the same time. All I could say was that he was great at it. His hands traveled through my body, and I grabbed his hair, pulling it slightly. That made a low growl echo through his chest, and I started to feel my body fervent as a bonfire.

I couldn't say much because I was breathless and I didn't want to stop what we were doing, so a single word left my lips as I kept my forehead on his.

"Stay."

Will bit his lip, kissing me again, and that was all the answer I needed.

xx 

Morning. Thin sunrays illuminated my bedroom floor through the curtains, waking me up. The storm was gone. I haven't had a nice night of sleep like that in ages. I looked at the other side of my bed and there was Will, sleeping heavily. It wasn't a dream, after all. Last night really happened. I smiled, staring at the roof with disbelief in my eyes.

I stared at him for a few seconds, unsure of what to do. Should I just let him sleep? He looked so heavenly, his hair was messy, his breathing steady, he seemed so less troubled than he usually was. I touched his hair lightly, caressing it with tenderness, and he started to move. I could see his neck, and a few hickies we marked on his albescent skin. That made me blush a little bit, and I laughed silently. 

He opened his eyes while I still touched his hair, but I didn't stop, and he didn't seem to want me to. We stared at each other in silence for a few moments, and he smiled, a different smile than the usual ones he gave me.

"Hi." He said, pulling me closer by my waist, stroking the skin under the sheets. I pecked him on the lips, then kissing his forehead, his cheek, his jawline. 

"Hey there. Good morning. I'm starving, are you having breakfast with me?"

"Actually, I gotta go home. Feed the dogs." He said, stroking my nude shoulder with his finger.

"Of course. Your dogs. I won't keep you then, poor babies must be so hungry." I kissed his cheek and was about to get up when he pulled me again, gently kissing my lips. I smiled, probably looking like an idiot. A joyful idiot. "I'll let you get dressed. I'll be in the kitchen."

I dressed up in my long and black robe, smiling at him before I left the room, going to the kitchen, where I started to make some french toasts. After a few minutes, I heard the front door open, and an exhausted Alana came in, her hair frizzy and her coat looking still a bit wet.

"Oh, Lana! Go change, you'll get a cold!" I stopped what I was doing, going to her and helping to take off her coat.

"That storm was a nightmare. I swear I won't ignore the warnings ever again. I'm so sorry, I had no idea it would get this bad, yesterday was one of those days where everything just goes wrong. Hope Will arrived well at home, did he seem disappointed or annoyed before he left? I was so inconvenient…"

I didn't even have time to answer, because Will opened my bedroom door, coming out while buttoning his shirt, suddenly realizing Alana was there.

"Oh." Alana said, looking so flabbergasted I almost laughed at her. Will rose his eyebrows at the sight of her, seeming a bit unsure of what to do or say. I wasn't planning for her to find out like this, it was a bit early, I wasn't expecting her to arrive so soon. "Hi, Will."

"Alana. Hi." He avoided looking at her, staring at me, and his eyes immediately softened. I smiled, he smiled back, and that was it, Alana was forgotten.

"Off you go to feed your children." I joked, biting my bottom lip. "I guess I'll see you later, then."

"Definitely." He simply said, kissing my forehead while caressing my hair, certainly a little embarrassed to kiss me in front of Alana. "See you later, Y/n. Bye, Alana."

"Bye, Will." I waved with a soft smile, and he grabbed his jacket, leaving the house.

My smile grew larger and I left my head fall back, squeaking low in commemoration. What a night! What a morning! I never thought I would thank a storm so much, let alone a bloody thunder.

Before Alana could say anything, I realized Will had left his glasses at the coffee table, and I picked it up in a hurry, bursting through the front door and calling him before he left, waving in front of the car.

"You forgot your glasses!" I said, and he opened the car windows, raising his hand to pick them.

I leaned against the car window, putting the glasses on him, and kissing his lips fiercely. He moaned in surprise, holding my face to deepen the kiss. After a moment, I pulled away, appreciating the view of his lips so reddish. 

"Go back inside, it's cold." He said with a cheeky smile, and before I could say he actually made me hotter, he took off with the car.

I went back inside, where Alana was waiting for me with her arms crossed. 

"What the hell did you do to Will Graham?" She asked, sounding severe, but a smile was trying to escape her lips "I mean, besides trying to suck his soul with your mouth a few moments ago."

"Oh, shut up!" I laughed, blushing violently. "You made that happen, you know? Thank you. Was that a set up or did the universe actually conspire in my favor?"

"I wish I'd planned this. That would mean I would've had a plan b and I wouldn't have stayed at that disgusting mote… Y/n, you're full of hickies, I can't believe you!"

"You're starting to sound like my mom, Lana. I'm gonna wear a turtleneck, don't worry, I don't want Beverly all over me like a bloodhound and Brian and Jimmy's witty comments today. In fact, keep it to yourself, okay? Will's discreet. I won't even tell Beverly, if she finds out, the whole bureau will know, hell, maybe even Freddie Lounds."

"I told you to let it go, Y/n. Will's very unstable right now. I… I only want what's best for you." She said with concern in her bright blue eyes. I sighed, walking to her and kissing her cheek with affection.

"You're a good cousin. But I'm a big girl. I can take care of myself, okay? Unless this isn't only about me, unless it concerns something else." I raised an eyebrow while staring at her, more confident that I've ever been. "Is there something you wanna tell me?"

She hesitated, clenching her jaw, but never spoke. 

I smiled, tapping her cheek very lightly in approval.

"I gotta get ready to work. Wanna grab lunch with me later?" I asked in a casual tone, a cynical smile on my face. She shrugged. "See you later then, cuz."

[willwriteforhugs]

in vino veritas - song mingi

bestfriend! mingi x reader- part one of two !

~childhood friends to lovers au~

word count: 1.5k

genre: angst, fluff, sad boi hours

synopsis: your lifelong best friend gets a little too tipsy, and reveals a little too much.

warnings: mentions of alcohol/heavy drinking, drunkenness, some swearing

a/n: thank you for reading :) i hope you enjoy!!

edit: part two is *finally* up! read it here <3

- - - 

the day had been long, and work had been exhausting - you’d spent most of your time there just wanting to return home. but you’d completed everything- the filing, the last of the paperwork, the emails that had piled up...you’d finished it all. now you had two entire days off. two days to yourself. finally.

in the moment, you hum idly as you wipe your kitchen counter with a damp cloth. you’d eaten dinner alone in your apartment, as you often did- but you always cleaned up anyways. old habits die hard, you guess.

you continue to straighten up the kitchen, hoping to binge watch some tv when you’re done. you glance up at the clock, and do a double take. is it really already ten o’clock? where did the time go?

you shrug it off, tossing the used rag in the sink. then you head to your bathroom, eager to finally shower and get rid of the day’s gunk.

- - -

an hour later, you find yourself sprawled on your small couch, hair wet and television on. but only a few minutes into your drama episode, you hear a quiet tapping sound. it strikes you enough that you reach over and pause the tv, curious. the tapping continues, but louder this time.

you realize with a start that it’s coming from your front door. what the fuck? who’s knocking at your door at 11 pm on a friday?

you frown and force yourself out of the love seat. you groan audibly as you trudge to the door. this is ridiculous...

mumbling incoherently, you yank the door open.

“oh- oh my god. what are you doing here?” you stutter.

your best friend of fifteen years, mingi, stands before you. his dirty blonde hair is mussed, and his shirt is wrinkled in odd places. he looks dazed. “what?”

you frown, craning your neck to look up at him. “i said, what are you doing here? do you know what time it is?”

mingi just looks down at you, blinking rapidly. he smells- oh god, he smells like alcohol.

you groan. “oh no- mingi, really? are you drunk right now?”

he takes a step towards you, moving to support his lean body on your door frame. “no.”

you glare.

“yes.” he mumbles. 

you sigh heavily, debating internally. as one of his closest, and oldest friends- it should be your obligation to let him stay over and take care of him. but the bitter, logical side of you wants to slam the door in his face- let him lie in the bed he made. 

then the thought finally lands. a chill runs through you, and you gasp. “mingi, did you drive here?”

he grabs your arm. “no, no y/n, i didn’t! i got a ride, i swear!” his words slur together, and you wince. he only slurred his speech when he was *really* drunk. dammit. 

“get inside, you ass-hat.”

- - -

after placing mingi on the sofa, you shuffle around the kitchen, looking to find him a glass of water. you can’t see him, but you can hear him singing quietly in the other room. your heart twinges, wondering if if he’s alright. usually he’s not a huge drinker, so he might have been upset about something... but the most you can do is just hope that wasn’t the case.

now, you wander back into the front room, holding a glass of water in one hand and a bottle of advil in the other. “for later,” you say, placing the bottle on the coffee table. 

your friend isn’t listening. “hey,” you try again.

no response. he’s lying on his back on your sofa, squinting his eyes at the ceiling. 

“mingi-yah.”

nothing. good grief. 

then, without warning, mingi shoots up into a sitting position, startling you. “what is it?” you ask.

he mumbles something you don’t catch, and you lower yourself onto the seat next to him. 

“just don’t drink too fast,” you remark, handing him the water cup. he nods and takes it from you. for a moment, the room is quiet as he takes a few small sips. then:

“you smell really good.” 

mingi’s low voice is startlingly clear, considering how tipsy he is. 

“wha-what?” you manage.

“you smell nice,” he repeats. “you must have showered.” he continues, leaning back into the couch.

you hum vaguely, no longer concerned with his antics. “yes, as i do every night.”

but mingi plows on as if you hadn’t said anything. “you always smell good, though.”

this makes you pause. so he likes the way you smell? like, all the time?

you turn to look at him, curious. “do i? you’ve never told me that.”

he’s quiet for a moment, and when he speaks, it’s barely audible: “well, there are a lot of things i don’t tell you.”

your brow creases. what the hell did that mean?

“for example,” mingi says, sitting upright again, and he isn’t looking at you. “i have never told you what a bad cook you are.”

“hey!”

mingi bursts into laughter, but he holds up his hand as if to continue. when he recovers from his giggles, he does. he holds up two fingers. “secondly, i have never told you how looking into your eyes reminds me of the stars.”

wait, what?

you stare at him, probably wide eyed. you open your mouth, but he cuts you off again. 

“also, last week at the lake? yeah, i didn’t tell you how badly i wanted to hold your hand then.”

you have a physical reaction to his words. what is he talking about? this sounded- no. no, no, no. too familiar.

“mingi,” your voice comes out raspy. “you’re drunk.”

he looks over your shoulder and grunts in confirmation. “yeah, i can feel it. i’m also pretty sure i didn’t want you to know those things.”

you stand up suddenly, overcome with insecurity. “mingi- why did you come here? when you knew you were drunk- why me?”

he finally meets your gaze. sighing, he reaches up waves an arm around vaguely. god, he's hammered... 

“because i trust you, y/n-ah.” his words have begun to mingle again. “i trust you and i love you.”

you take a step back. he’s drunk he’s drunk he’s drunk he’s-

- - -

four years ago:

“mingi-yah!” your voice was young an clear and full of laughter. your legs ached as your pace began to slow. “stop!” 

fifteen feet in front of you, your best friend stopped and glanced back. his eyes glittered with pleasure. “you’re giving up?”

you slowed to a stop near him, panting. you were never as good a runner as he was. “yes, god. you win.” 

mingi grinned and danced in a circle around you. “yes! i win, i win, i win-”

you reached out and smacked his arm. “knock it off,” you laughed. “you sound like a middle-schooler.”

“i can live with that.”

you rolled your eyes and began to walk again. mingi jogged to catch up, already talking about something else.

- - - 

the two of you came to a stop in front of your house, and began to bid your farewells. but as mingi turned to head home, you bit your tongue, unsure of your next action.

“mingi, wait!”

he spun around again. “what? spring break isn’t that long, y’know. and i’ll come hang out if you’re that lonely.”

you sighed heavily. “stop it, it’s just-” you hesitated again. but finally you reached into your pocket and took out the note. the note that had been there for months already. the love confession. 

you shoved it at his chest, face burning.

“what?” he mumbled, grabbing the little slip of paper. he unfolded it, and a few moments passed in utter silence. finally, he looked up. “y/n-ah...”

you scrambled for an excuse. “no, it’s okay. i know you don’t-”

“y/n-ah, listen to me.” he had grabbed you by the shoulders an was looking into your eyes. “that isn’t true.”

“wha...what?”

“you don’t love me.”

“how would you know?” you felt almost offended. 

“i just do, alright? i don’t want to be mean- and i’m sorry, but i just don’t look at you like that. i never have.”

your eyes burned as you looked at the pavement. you nodded.

“but it’ll be fine, you hear me? cause this, y/n- this isn’t love. this is just a crush. you’ll be over it soon enough.”

you nodded again.

just a crush...

if only he knew.

- - -

“you...love me?” back in the moment, you can’t even comprehend your situation. your heart aches, and suddenly you’re seventeen again. “this isn’t love...” he’d said.

“well that i definitely didn’t want you to know. stupid, loud, loose-lipped mingi...” his voice trails off.

your own words come out in a rush. “wait, mingi. no, no you don’t. you don’t love me. never have, never will.” your voice cracks. “quit talking, alright? you’re just drunk, you need to sleep. i’ll-”

without warning, your counterpart stands up and crosses the room in a few strides. you take an instinctive step back, and he grabs your wrist. he pulls you towards him, and places your palm on his chest, letting his hand rest on yours.

“mingi-” your voice is pained. you don’t want to hear it, because you can’t take the thought of loving him- you can’t take the thought of him loving you. years of rejection and denial burn in your gut.

“y/n-ah, please.” his voice is raspy and sad. 

“please. please love me again.”