#Only 317 years to go

[jimkirksphilosophicalconundrum]

This is gorgeous!!! Shout out to OW for being an incredible (and dedicated asf?!?!) artist.

HAPPY -317TH BIRTHDAY TO JULIAN BASHIR!!!! 🎂🎉

[traincat]

a genuine question why do people keep saying johnny is gay instead of bi? like i get it and i agree BUT why not bi?

Honestly I think this is one of those things that is totally up to personal interpretation, considering the weird Queer Grey Area Johnny lives in. I think he's gay, though I've gone back and forth over the years, but if other people want to think he's bi/pan, I don't think that's a wrong interpretation, either. (I do not control how other people label the Human Torch's sexuality, etc.)

I think, for me, what's swung my personal read on the character to gay over the years is just like, the extreme lack of actual demonstrated attraction to women. Johnny says he's attracted to women. Loudly! Frequently! Through the bullhorn! Is there a camera turned his way! Oh God please someone believe him. But when confronted with an attractive woman who wants to be intimate with him, he may go along with it, but sooner or later he's going to start ghosting.

(FF v3 #55) "'Scuze me -- I had this funny idea a guy was supposed to spend time with his girlfriend."

Look at his marriage, for example. Not the Skrull retcon stuff, although I do think that ultimately comes into play -- I'm talking about two things. There's, first off, the extreme sexlessness of the honeymoon.

(FF #301 and #302) I'm not saying like, nobody goes hiking on their honeymoon. I'm sure there's avid hikers enjoying romantic hikes out there. I'm saying that this is Johnny Storm and he's out there backpacking and visiting artist communes. Peter and Mary Jane, by comparison, were making the beast with two backs on a beach in France. (I actually really like #302 as an issue, it has a fun concept, but it does kind of highlight how Unsexy Johnny and Alicia are as a couple. The chemistry of styrofoam.)

Then there's the Crystal Emotional Affair.

(FF #305) "So things did work out in the long run!" Oh yeah you guys are gonna be real normal about each other.

(FF #317)

This never goes anywhere, mostly because of Johnny. I don't doubt Crystal would have upheld the most holiest of marital duties: cheating. (I love Crys, I just think her love 'em and leave 'em tendency is funny.) There's a lot of melodramatic bemoaning here -- she's the most beautiful girl he's ever seen! She regrets her decision to leave him! They're angsting about it in the shower. Separate. Separate showers. Because this never goes anywhere even remotely physical, because Johnny Would Never Cheat On His Wife, as he says. Repeatedly.

It's important to look at the issue numbers here: Johnny and Alicia only got together in #275. They got married in #300. By #305, Johnny is basically emotionally clawing at the walls to get out of his marriage, falling back on old romances, which is something of a tendency. When Crys dumped him, after all, he tried to get back with Dorrie Evans. Nothing happened there, either.

And then much later on, when Crystal does come onto him, he's not into it.

(Marvel Knights 4 #30)

Again, there's a pattern here. After Frankie Raye left him (for Galactus), he pursued her roommate Julie Angel hard -- albeit chastely. But when Julie does kiss him, he's suddenly "over her." Johnny talks the talks but he rarely walks the walk.

(FF #236) Out of curiosity, I wanted to see what Peter was doing romantically around this exact time. Peter's a useful yardstick here because whatever else you want to headcanon about him, he's definitely romantically and sexually interested in women, and consistently portrayed that way. At this point in time (roughly late 1981), Peter was embroiling himself in a love triangle with his fellow grad students, Marcy Kane and Deb Whitman, and then also getting back together with Black Cat. He should be classified a menace against women. But while Peter is referencing cunnilingus techniques in scenes with his wife, Johnny's most overt sexual reference from his own marriage is that he's going to "darn Alicia's socks." And that's not even Johnny! That's in an imagined world that never happened! We know they were sleeping together, because Johnny certainly believes it's possible that Lyja could have been pregnant, but there's no passion between Johnny and Alicia during the marriage. And if it was just the marriage, I could write that off as him not being attracted to Alicia specifically. But it's not just the marriage.

Johnny is constantly portrayed as someone who wants to be in love, but once he's in that relationship, there's always a barrier or an obstacle. He's probably his happiest in his initial relationship with Crystal which is, uh, unfortunate, because that started when he was roughly 19 and ended at latest in his very early 20s. (Again, we're dating him by dating Peter, here -- Johnny got married very shortly before Peter did, and Peter got married, by his own statement, five years after he started college, so he was roughly 23. Johnny would also have been 23 or 24 when he got married. This means MJ was 22 when she got married oh my God put her back in that club.) And Johnny and Crystal are very cute!

(FF #64 and #67) They're adorable. But they're kids. Just because Johnny had a Pinterest board for his Plaza wedding at age 19 doesn't mean it was going to work.

Then there's Frankie -- obviously, Frankie and Johnny were not doing anything, because whenever Frankie takes off her clothes she's got a whole gold bodysuit under there. Once the reveal with her powers happens, Johnny is disturbed by Frankie's more violent tendencies. Then she leaves him for Galactus. His next "big" relationship is Alicia/Lyja, and that's. You know, that's a whole thing. After that, things never REALLY get off the ground again. There's relationships! But they don't go anywhere. This is also when the Playboy Johnny persona emerges, as shallow as it is, and while I do think there's enough evidence to headcanon that as Johnny's trauma response to the Skrull marriage, honestly it's probably just because Marvel's cadre of largely male writers in the late '90s and early '00s couldn't imagine a single blond pretty boy wouldn't be a raging skirt chaser. I'm going to address this in more detail in a reply to a different ask, but I personally believe in something called the Johnny Effect where I give every new Fantastic Four writer post-Claremont something like the first few issues to adjust to writing Johnny. There's usually a slide into a more honest look at the character after that point. Which I get -- there's characters where, after you write them for a while, you start thinking about them more in depth, and I think that's what happens with Johnny.

The third thing for me is like -- I've talked about this before but there's the history of violation linked to Johnny and intimacy. In some way, in a lot of his relationships (although not all), Johnny is lied to, has his boundaries violated, or is flat out assaulted. This isn't solely with women, granted. Daken Akihiro, Wolverine's son, engineers their (word of author canon) relationship by shooting him through the thigh with an arrow and pinning it on Bullseye. But I would not call that an isolated incident on the other party's side. It's just that it does happen a lot with women, including women he's had relationships with.

(FF #46 and #49) That's an alternate Frankie Raye, but still. You have the kiss with Psionics at the end of that arc, only for Psionics' next appearance to involve her killing one of Johnny's good friends in front of him while threatening the lives of his niece and nephew. There's a certain level of melodrama expected in romantic relationships with comics, but Johnny's drama often crosses a line in a way Peter's "bad girl" drama with, say, Felicia, doesn't. I think you could trace a lot of this back to the unaddressed aspects of the Lyja plotline, but not all of it.

Other characters just also euphemistically call him gay.

(Hulk vs Thing: Hard Knocks #3) Why does the Hulk think he's gay.

I swung around to thinking he's just not attracted to women at all through a lot of rereads and writing various meta posts and just generally thinking about him, but again, that's not like, I can't make any rules here, I can just make my own case. If other people want to view him as bi, I think you could make a case, too. From my perspective, there's a lack of demonstrated attraction to women (even the weird Sexy Cosplayers scene in Miller's run is a set up so a film crew can walk in on him and he abandons them at the first opportunity) and a lack of emotional intimacy to a lot of his relationships when compared to his Very Heterosexual Male Friendships. For me, I think what's going on with Johnny is that he was put in this role as a teenager of the Celebrity Teen Heartthrob, and he was at least somewhat aware at that point in time that the Fantastic Four's security depended heavily on both him and Sue being desirable to fans. But boyband-types grow up, and Johnny has struggled to match his image to what's "desirable" to his current market group -- but he knows it involves him in a high profile relationship with a woman, and that's where a lot of his post-Alilyja relationships have come from. (Darla, Kourtney, Nita, etc.) I think Dark Wolverine demonstrated that if Johnny's in the closet, it's not to his family. They know what's going. It's the rest of the world Johnny keeps himself closeted over, because he links his high flying heartthrob image to safety.

(Daken: Dark Wolverine #4) "Is peace hard to come by for you?"

But again, sexuality headcanons -- and again, Johnny is not canon-by-corporate queer -- are personal. These are just my thoughts on the subject.

(FF v6 #5) "Be brave, Johnny Storm."

[jungkoode]

OFF-LABELS | O4

→ PAIRING : Med Student!Hoseok x F!Reader (Brother’s Best Friend AU)

→ RATING: Mature, 18+, suggestive tones.

→ DATE POSTED: February 16th, 2025.

→ SUMMARY: You’ve spent four years convincing yourself that your brother’s best friend is just being nice when he remembers your coffee order, quizzes you on neuroanatomy, or lets his touch linger a second too long. Because there’s no way that the golden boy of Seoul National’s medical program might actually be flirting with you. Especially when he keeps saying things that could be perfectly innocent… if only he didn’t say them in that voice.

→ TAGS: second person perspective, female reader, medical school au, brother’s best friend trope, age gap (4 years), pining, touch starved, overthinking reader, confident hoseok, gentle dom hoseok, medical terminology as flirting (lmao), study sessions, domestic moments, innocent (but not really), plausible deniability king hoseok, anxiety, internal monologue, guilty crushes, subtle teasing, emotional edging, gentle manipulation, praise kink undertones, intellectual attraction, competency kink, hand fixation, voice kink, medical intern hoseok, first year med student reader, home setting, casual intimacy, unresolved sexual tension (for now), secret attraction, nervous rambling, self-doubt, intrusive thoughts, anatomy lessons with ulterior motives, competent hoseok, flustered reader, close proximity, accidental touches that aren’t accidents, virgin!reader.

→ CONTENT in this chapter: Hoseok being dangerously thorough with medical demonstrations, vagus nerve "research" that's definitely just for science, medical terminology as foreplay, tongue depressors used for educational purposes (obviously), running into him at home after avoiding him for weeks, and getting cornered with the softest threats imaginable. | medical examination kink, medical equipment, tongue depressors, medical demonstrations, oral fixation, authority kink, power dynamics, educational roleplay, avoidance to attraction, running clothes, post-workout tension, soft threats, vadal nerve stimulation, clinical setting, hospital scenes, medical authority, vagus nerve, autonomic responses.

→ MASTERLIST | TAGLIST REQ | WORDCOUNT: 2k

→ MINI SERIES: NEXT | PREVIOUS

→ A/N: You ever write something and think "maybe I should go to church"? Yeah. So. This happened. Apparently my brain decided "what if we took medical equipment and made it unholy?" Dedicated to everyone who's ever had an attractive medical professional tell them to "open wide" and died a little inside. Also thanks to my one (1) med student friend who had to answer way too many questions about vagus nerve testing without knowing why I was asking. I'm so sorry.

PLAYLIST

The fluorescent lights hum overhead as you hover outside Room 317, clutching the neurology textbook to your chest like armor. 

You shouldn’t be here.  

Caleb’s text still glows on your phone screen:  

𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐫: 𝙷𝚘𝚜𝚎𝚘𝚔 𝚜𝚊𝚢𝚜 𝚑𝚎’𝚜 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚘𝚏𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚟𝚊𝚐𝚞𝚜 𝚗𝚎𝚛𝚟𝚎 𝚙𝚊𝚙𝚎𝚛. 𝙶𝚘 𝚋𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚑𝚒𝚖 𝚊𝚝 𝚂𝙽𝚄𝙷.

You count the ceiling tiles (twelve) before knocking.   

The room smells like antiseptic and the bergamot tea he drinks during night shifts.  

“Chip.” Hoseok doesn’t look up from the EKG strip he’s analyzing, surgical penlight tucked behind his ear. “You’re blocking the light.”  

You sidestep the portable otoscope charging by the door. The space is all sharp edges—stainless steel cabinets, framed diplomas, his white coat draped over the back of a chair still warm from his body.  

“Page 214,” he says, sliding your marked-up paper across the desk. Red ink bleeds through the margins. Insufficient clinical correlation circles your thesis on autonomic nervous system responses.  

Your throat tightens. “I cited six studies—”  

“Case studies aren’t lived experience.” He finally meets your eyes, thumb brushing the penlight. “You can’t quantify a gag reflex through PubMed.”   

The air shifts when he stands.  

“Sit.” He nods to the exam table, its crinkled paper sheet protesting as you perch on the edge.  

“I’m not your patient,” you say too quickly.  

His laugh is all teeth. “Would you prefer I bill your insurance?”  

The overhead exam light clicks on. You flinch at the sudden brightness.  

“Relax.” His knuckle grazes your jawline as he adjusts the lamp. “Just demonstrating research methodology.”  

He rolls the stool closer, knees bracketing yours.

“Let’s say…” His penlight traces the column of your throat, the cool beam skimming over your pulse point. “You wanted empirical data on vagus nerve stimulation.”

Your traitorous pulse jumps under the light.

“Theoretical,” you rasp.

“Mm.” The stool creaks as he leans in. “Hypothetically—if a patient claimed nausea—” A flicker of movement, then the glint of polished steel between his fingers. A tongue depressor. “—would you take their word for it? Or verify with a hands-on assessment?”

His meaning is clinical. Technically. In medical exams, the vagus nerve can be tested by pressing a tongue depressor against the back of the throat, triggering the gag reflex. A strong response might suggest hypersensitivity. A weak or absent one? Neurological impairment.

But that’s not what he’s asking. Not really.

The textbook slides from your lap, thudding against the floor.

His thumb finds the hinge of your jaw, applying just enough pressure to tilt your head back.

“You need proper mentorship,” he murmurs.

“Mentorship.” The word barely forms.

“Mm. Palatal anatomy. Gag reflex modulation.” His nail scrapes the tender skin behind your earlobe, where the auricular branch of the vagus nerve lies—just another pressure point, another test. “Essential for any aspiring neurologist.”

Overhead, the Code Blue alarm blares—a real emergency, somewhere beyond this room. Neither of you move.

“This is—”

“Academic?” He tilts your chin up with the tongue depressor, just shy of pressure. “Ethically sanctioned? Necessary for your… what was it? Comprehensive understanding of brain-gut axis pathways?”

Your own citation, thrown back at you, laced with velvet implication.

His pager vibrates against the desk. 

A reminder. A warning.

“Well, Chip?” He pockets the device, but his eyes never leave your mouth. “D’you want to practice?”

Somewhere down the hall, a defibrillator charges. The crash cart rattles past the door. And you—

You’re already nodding, fingers curling in the paper sheet as he snaps fresh gloves over those surgeon’s hands.

“For science,” you whisper.

His smile cuts through the antiseptic air. “Naturally.”

"Open." His voice is clinically detached as he positions the tongue depressor. "Wider."

You comply, heart thundering as he leans closer to examine your oral cavity. The exam light catches his glasses, making his expression unreadable.

"Good girl. Now stick your tongue out—just like that." His free hand steadies your chin. "Interesting. Your tongue control is quite developed."

Heat floods your face. You try to respond but can't with your mouth open.

"Shh. Focus on breathing through your nose." His thumb traces your jawline. "We'll start shallow. See how much you can take before the reflex triggers."

The metal slides deeper.

"Swallow for me."

You do, fighting the urge to gag.

"Again." His voice stays perfectly level. "Notice how your throat accommodates the intrusion? That's neuroplasticity at work."

Your thighs press together involuntarily. He continues as if he hasn't noticed.

"Most people choke at this depth. But you..." The depressor ventures further. "Remarkable control. Have you practiced this before?"

You make a strangled sound of denial.

"Breathing's irregular," he notes. "Try to relax your throat. Yes—just like that. Let it slide deeper."

Your hands grip the hem of your shirt as saliva pools in your mouth.

"Fascinating response." His tone remains purely academic. "The stimulation is triggering excess secretion. Perfectly natural biological reaction."

Your face burns hotter. There's no way he doesn't notice how you're squirming.

He glances down—just once—at where your thighs are clenched together. A gentle smile curves his lips.

"Tell me, Chip..." The words float soft as gauze. "Do you always get this wet during medical examinations?"

Your eyes go wide.

"Excess salivation," he clarifies, innocent as morning. "It's a common autonomic response to oral stimulation. Though yours seems... particularly robust."

The paper crinkles beneath you as you shift.

"We should document this," he muses. "For research purposes, of course."

The depressor glints under clinical light as he presses it deeper.  

“Don’t fight it,” he murmurs, thumb settling at the corner of your mouth. “Relax your epiglottis.”  

You try. You try. But all you taste is sterile metal and the faint salt of his skin where his thumbprint ghosts your lower lip. His thighs tighten imperceptibly against yours, a human vise steadying your traitorous tremors.  

“There we go.” His voice drops to a velvet hush, the kind nurses use with combative dementia patients. “Good girl.”  

Your pulse thrums where his thumb rests—so close to slipping past your teeth, so close to feeling the heat of your tongue. 

His nail catches on the swell of your lip, dragging downward as if testing pliancy.  

“Fascinating,” he murmurs, though you’re not sure what he’s referring to anymore—the depressor sinking another fraction of an inch, or the way your throat flutters around it. “Your vagal response is… delayed.”  

You whimper.  

He cocks his head, penlight sweeping across your uvula. “Pain?”  

You shake your head minutely, terrified to dislodge his thumb.  

“Discomfort?”  

Another shake.  

“Then what?”  

The question hangs between you, syrupy and dangerous. 

His thumb presses harder, blanching the pink of your lip white. You can’t tell if he’s pushing the depressor or if your body is pulling it deeper, some primal part of you craving the stretch.  

His exhale ghosts your cheek. “Saliva production’s increased thirty percent since we began.”  

You’re drowning in it—a slick, shameful pool gathering under your tongue, threatening to spill.  

“Swallow.”  

You obey, throat working around cold steel.  

“Again.”  

The third time, a bead escapes the corner of your mouth. His thumb swipes it away before it can fall, the pad rough against your chin.  

“Remarkable,” he breathes, rotating the depressor slowly. “No gag yet. How far do you think—”  

His glasses slip.  

It’s barely noticeable—a millimeter descent along the bridge of his nose—but his whole body stills. 

For one fractured second, you swear his demeanor falters: pupils blown black behind smudged lenses, lips pressed into a bloodless line, tendons standing rigid in his neck.  

Then he’s back—gentle, smiling, Hoseok—retracting the depressor with a soft click.  

“Clumsy me,” he chuckles, adjusting his frames. “Should’ve used the head strap.”  

You don’t mention how his hand shakes. You don’t mention the splintered wood where he gripped the depressor too hard.  

You must be imagining things.

You must be making correlations where there’s none.

He checks his pager, all brisk professionalism. “Duty calls. You did well today, Chip.”  

Chip. The nickname now lands between your thighs.  

You nod, swiping at your damp chin. His gaze follows the movement, lingering on your glistening fingers.  

“Here.” He offers a tissue—crisp, folded—with a smile that crinkles his eyes. “For the salivation.”  

You take it. He doesn’t let go immediately, fingertips brushing yours.  

“We’ll continue next week,” he says, and it’s not a question.  

The door sighs shut behind him.  

Left alone, you stare at the ruined depressor. The wood’s fractured where his grip faltered, grooves carved by clenched fingers. You press a thumb into the deepest dent, imagining the force required—the control overridden.   

Down the hall, his laughter floats through an open doorway, warm and easy as he chats with a colleague. 

Normal. Harmless.  

You bite the tissue between your teeth, tasting bergamot and salt and lies.  

Your lungs burn as you push through the apartment door, endorphins still singing through your veins. 

The run helped—three miles of pavement pounding your inappropriate thoughts into submission. Three miles of not thinking about surgical hands or tongue depressors or—

"Morning, Chip."

You freeze.

The water bottle slips from your grip, hitting the floor with a hollow thud. 

Because there he is—Hoseok—lounging on your couch like he belongs there, like he hasn't been haunting your dreams for weeks, like you haven't been actively fleeing every time you catch a glimpse of his white coat in hospital corridors.

"I—" Your voice cracks. "Caleb didn't say..."

"He's in the shower." Hoseok's smile is gentle. Always gentle. "You've been busy lately."

It's not an accusation. His tone is light, conversational. But something in the way he says it—in the careful way he watches you over the rim of his coffee mug—makes your stomach drop.

"Yeah, I..." You scramble for an excuse. "Classes."

"Mm." He sets his mug down with deliberate care. "Interesting. Because I asked about your attendance."

Your heart stops.

"Just checking in," he continues, voice honey-sweet. "Since you missed three anatomy labs."

The air feels too thick. 

You're suddenly aware of how you must look—flushed from running, hair escaping your ponytail, compression leggings clinging to every curve. 

His eyes track a bead of sweat rolling down your neck.

"I—had other commitments."

"Did you?" He tilts his head, expression perfectly concerned. "Because Dr. Park mentioned you've been switching sections. Always picking labs when I'm not assisting."

Fuck.

"That's not—" You swallow hard. "It's not like that."

"No?" He stands, and you realize with dawning horror that he's blocking your escape route to the hallway. "Then what's it like, Chip?"

The nickname lands like a physical touch. You back up until your spine hits the door.

"Because it seems," he continues, voice impossibly soft, "like you're avoiding me."

"I'm not—"

"Three weeks." He takes a step closer. "Three weeks of missed labs. Declined study sessions. Running away every time I visit your brother."

Your chest feels tight. "I haven't been—"

"Nice outfit, by the way."

The compliment throws you off-balance. 

He's still smiling, still gentle, but there's something else there—something that makes your thighs press together unconsciously.

"The color suits you." His eyes drift lower. "Though I wonder if you're getting enough circulation. You're flushed."

You're not flushed from running anymore.

"I should—" You gesture vaguely toward your room. "Shower."

"Of course." He steps aside, ever-courteous. "Wouldn't want you catching cold."

You bolt past him, careful not to brush against his chest. But his voice follows you down the hall:

"Oh, and Chip?"

You freeze, hand on your doorknob.

"Next time you skip labs?" The smile is audible in his voice. "I'll have to schedule a private make-up session. For your academic benefit, of course."

The door closes behind you with a click that sounds like a threat.

You slide down against it, pressing your thighs together as your hand creeps beneath the waistband of your leggings. Because you're weak. Because you're stupid. Because even his threats sound like kindness, and you're going to hell for the way that makes you feel.

In the living room, you hear him laugh at something Caleb says. Normal. Friendly. Like he didn't just pin you to a wall with words alone.

Your fingers slip through embarrassing wetness as you bite your lip to stay quiet.

→ 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @cannotalwaysbenight @livingformintyoongi @itstoastsworld @somehowukook @just-reading-dany @sanarin @billy-jeans23 @stuti2904 @chloepiccoliniii @kimnamjoonmiddletoe @annyeongbitch7

© 𝐣𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐞 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟓.

no reposts, translations, or adaptations

[sun-undone]

okay so i'm rereading the poppy war for the sole purpose of trying to squeeze all the chaltan content i can get out of it and my god is it delivering already

this first one is something that i completely breezed past in my first reading cause i didn't even know who tf chaghan was yet but on a reread????? GAY (pg. 226):

you're telling me that chaghan and altan just happened to be together when chaghan felt tyr's death? in the middle of the night??? mmhmm yup for sure

now as willing as i am to fully chalk this up to a late night chaltan tryst, i will be fair and admit that i'm not super clear on how exactly chaghan got the tyr info here. it kinda seems like he's doing his monthly meeting with the hexagram goddess (in the dialogue he literally says "there has been a hexagram" and then he interprets 3 things from it), but first off, it seems too coincidental for him to just happen to be doing that at the very moment that tyr dies, and also why tf is he doing it in the middle of the night?? is he just being extra dramatic and making up some "we have to do it at midnight" bullshit to see what he can get away with (a la the infamous kitay horse piss incident) or is there an in universe explanation for that that i've completely forgotten?

OR is it a secret, gayer third option: altan and chaghan were already together when he felt tyr's death, which then prompted him to convene with the goddess and get the hexagram. and we just don't see the full process or really get much of a proper explanation cause we're in altan's pov and it's all mysterious and shit at this point in the book. that's the one i'm going with and i cannot believe that this is their first scene together. the intimacy is already so palpable and we don't even know chaghan's name at this point in the book.

and then of course there's THIS (pg. 227):

absolutely fucking bonkers i'm spinning on my head

is anyone else this gentle with altan ever????? i'm genuinely asking. who else in the cike would even THINK about pulling a move like this? also the added layer of chaghan originally being next in line for commander before altan took him out to the fucking valley for THREE WHOLE DAYS and then THIS is his reaction to altan officially inheriting said title??? we know from a later conversation that chaghan has with rin (pg. 337) that he's very aware of how unprepared altan was to assume leadership over the cike, which just makes this gesture from him even more meaningful and tender. "we are yours to command. i am yours."

this next one just made me giggle and idk if it's just my brain being broken from scouring source material for gay crumbs or if it's actually intentional but (pg. 285):

i mean. i mean. if anyone knows the extent of chaltan, it's most definitely qara, and a lot of these crumbs involve her so i'm taking it as more evidence and no one can stop me

speaking of qara being an icon (pg. 317):

i actually forgot how much she's in this book i am so sorry queen

so unegen also has a strong reaction to ramsa's dialogue, but if i may be incredibly nitpicky about it, i'd argue that qara snorting implies a sense of "yeah right now that's funny", while unegen spitting out his wine implies more pure shock than anything else. i'm sure the cike have some idea about chaghan and altan's relationship going deeper than meets the eye (if it's this obvious from the crumbs we get over the span of a handful of scenes i can only imagine how sick and tired they must be after an entire year of it), but once again, qara is likely the only one who really KNOWS. for obvious reasons.

then we have the iconic dramatic entrance where chaghan is officially introduced, and even before zooming into a specific piece of it to prove my chaltan agenda, just the very existence of this scene is so fucking insane to me. rebecca could've chosen any way to properly introduce us to chaghan, and this is what she decided on. you could argue that it sets up chaghan's dramatic and obnoxiously proud personality, and that him being hurt is so we can see how it affects qara (and also just to up the tension and stakes) BUT how coincidental that on top of achieving all that character and narrative stuff, it also succeeds in showing us a completely different side to altan. one that is specifically brought about by chaghan.

would altan rush out into a sea of federation soldiers to help any other member of the cike? yes. but rebecca chose to show him helping THIS member of the cike. in THIS dramatic of a fashion (and it's literally on a horse like that is so fractured fairytale romance of her actually). and it's also the aftermath that really clues us into something deeper between him and chaghan in particular (pg. 373):

along with qara, who is SOUL BONDED TO CHAGHAN BY THE WAY, altan is screaming at him for being reckless and how he could've gotten himself killed. intentionally or not, rebecca is clearly aligning altan and qara here, and i LOVE how it's shown in the way their dialogue is formatted. you don't even know who is saying which fragment. they are one in the same when it comes to the level in which they care about chaghan's wellbeing. and also when it comes to yelling at him for being an idiot! and if that's not love then idk what is

[awyeahitssam]

Stiles figures out the whole werewolf thing when he’s nine years old, and never mentions it.

Not when he’s eleven and his dad is stressing over mountain lion manslaughter, when he’s fifteen and his best friend ditches him for the Hale brood, or when he’s seventeen and Cora punctures his tires with claws after he beats her out for first place in a countywide Young Writers competition.

If the Hale’s want to kill supernaturals invading their territory, that’s their right. If Scott wants to pretend they weren’t once brothers to each other just because he’s no longer dangerously asthmatic or socially stunted, Stiles can accept that too. And if Cora wants to take out her petty frustrations on Claudia Stilinski’s jeep - well, fuck yes will he get his vengeance but he’s certainly not going to blackmail her just because she’s stupid enough to pop claws in broad daylight. 

(Instead Stiles threatened to leak photos of Cora making out with her twin’s ex-girlfriend in the bathroom of the local diner - time stamped before they broke up. It was enough to make her personally change and finance his baby’s tires, plus teach the stunted bitch a lesson on messing with Stiles.

It may also help the girls' dismal attempts at subterfuge.

He doubted it, though.) 

For all that people go on about Stiles not being able to keep his smart mouth shut, he’s very good at saying nothing of substance.

In the end Stiles moved away for college without anybody discovering he knew all about Beacon Hill's supernatural secret. 

(He warded the Sheriff’s house to kingdom come. It was subtle enough that the local pack wouldn’t notice, but if anything looking to hurt his dad came bumping through the night they would sooner be burned to ash than touch a hair on the Sheriff’s oblivious human head.) 

Stiles gets the call on Christmas Eve. 

Parrish - the only Deputy he doesn’t have a file full of blackmail on - tells him his father is in the hospital and might not make it. He says he hasn’t been shot when asked, but stays vague when Stiles demands to know what happened even as he throws together a bag and sends an all-caps text to Jocelyn, a study partner who works at the airport and will be able to get him on the soonest available flight to San Francisco. 

Stiles emotionally manipulates and cajoles and blackmails, and still gets nothing more than vague replies from Jordan. Clark, Whittings and Jones don’t answer their phones.

When Stiles gets to Beacon Hills heads are going to roll.

- Stiles pulls into Beacon Memorial at three in the morning Christmas day, parks in the first spot he sees (because fuck reserved parking) and hightails it towards the nurse’s station.

“Get me the status of the Sheriff,” he orders a vaguely familiar nurse, who doesn’t even bat a lash at his brisk tone. The hospital staff is almost as familiar as the police force; they helped raise him when his mother couldn’t, and even after, when he hung around after school with Scott. 

Beacon Hills residents acknowledged that Stiles Stilinski didn’t mess around about his father's health. 

(When Stiles was fourteen the Sheriff got shot in the gut. The condescending prick of a doctor who refused to give ‘a child’ information on his father was fired, ruined, and run out of town within the month.)

“He was found with a head wound but it’s stopped bleeding, and I know his vitals have stabilized,” she says, first off. “You’ll have to ask his doctor for more information, hon. Room 317.”

Stiles doesn’t relax, can’t until he sees his father is perfectly alright for himself, but he nods and tries for a smile. It strains across his face and drops within a few seconds, so he turns and makes for the ICU. 

“And Stiles?” calls the nurse. “He has visitors.” 

It turns out ‘visitors’ means that there are three Hale’s, an Argent, and an ex-best friend hanging outside the Sheriff’s room. Stiles feels well on his way to bashing in a couple of faces, especially when Scott looks up at him like he’s an injured puppy and says, empathetic, “Stiles.” 

See, this is why it took some convincing to get Stiles to accept his full-ride to NYU. Stiles just fucking knew that his dad would get drawn into supernatural shit while he was gone, and he had been stupid enough to believe that the Deputy’s would actually do as ordered and keep him updated on more than just his father’s eating habits.

Oh, he would be having words with Robins. 

Out of the assembled Hale’s - Talia, Laura, and Peter - two look long-suffering and one is arranging their face into something resembling sorry. Chris Argent is showing no emotion but the way he watches Stiles is careful, almost wary. And Scott just looks plain guilty, which isn’t a good sign for his continued health because Stiles has killed to keep his dad safe before and he would damn sure do it again.

(Maybe he’ll kill them all, if the Sheriff dies.)

Stiles drops the calm facade that he’s been clutching at for the past twelve goddamned hours, takes a step forward, and stares down the local Alpha.

“What are you doing here?” he demands. It’s inconspicuous enough, something an oblivious human would ask when apparent strangers were crowding the waiting area. 

“Stiles, isn’t it?” Talia asks, standing to meet his height and reaching out for a handshake. He doesn’t spare the limb a glance, narrowed eyes demanding answers. “We were assisting your father on a case when he was injured. We’re here to make sure he’s alright.”

Stiles modulates his scent, his heartbeat, his rage. His eyes turn to Scott and a sneer pulls at his mouth. “You too, Scotty? Were you helping my father on a case?” 

Scott McCall is a terrible liar and everybody knows it.

His throat bobs, his eyes dart to Talia, and then to Chris, and then back to Stiles, who is considering punching his lights out.

Peter Hale is Talia’s enforcer. Laura Hale is set to inherit the mantle of Alpha. Chris Argent is the local hunter. They all have a reason to be here, to be involved, but Scott - Scott is just a beta, which means Scott is probably what pulled the Sheriff into this mess. Why else would a low ranking, bitten wolf be here? 

“I, uh. Yeah, I was. Y’know. Helping. There were animals involved, and I’m studying to be a vet, so, aha, he - he was going to ask Deaton, but he’s… out of town. So your dad ended up consulting me instead?”

Yes. Truly terrible.

“I see. So instead of using a qualified veterinary technician, my dad decided to ask a first year from BH’s community college, who likely hasn’t completed his introductory courses. That makes so much sense. Your logic is so very sound. Ten out of ten.”

Stiles skin itched. He was getting impatient.

He was getting angry.

Stiles turned his back on the small crowd, pushing into the Sheriff’s room without mind to the sputtering Scott. The doctor wasn’t there so he grabbed the chart from the end of the bed, scanning it quickly, adding it to what he already knew. 

His dad had no physical wounds. He had been found unconscious in the parking lot of the police station. He wouldn’t wake up. 

Something supernatural was going on here, and no amount of human medicine would help, period. 

Stiles laid the chart back down and pulled out his cellphone, typing out a quick text, before giving his dad’s hand a lingering squeeze and exiting the room.

Everyone was watching him with sharp eyes, except Scott who was scowling at the ground. It seemed unimpressive and childish on his twenty year old face.

“Argent,” Stiles says, zoning in on Chris. He’s never liked Talia, never appreciated all she let her children get away with and the obviousness of her pack. Chris, however, he had extensively researched. He was a hunter coming into Stiles’ town, but unlike the werewolves he was discreet. Smart. “What are you hunting?”

Chris’ brow creases at his phrasing, but he didn’t acknowledge it as anything odd. “I don’t know much about who did this. He was found unconscious in the parking lot at the police station, and the doctors are still running tests to determine the cause of his condition.”

“Tests that won’t find anything,” Stiles says back, as calmly as he can when it feels like he’s about to shake out of his skin. “Most shifters would have left some kind of outward marking, and there’s no sense of magic around him so I doubt it was a Druid or Wiccan. I’m assuming you all know, so tell me. What. Was. It.” 

“Stiles, you know—”

Talia interrupts Scott. Just as well, because Stiles feels like hitting something the longer they stall. “Just what do you know about all this, Stiles?”

“Your family has never been the most subtle, I figured out about the supernatural when I was nine. My dad, however, wasn’t wrapped up in any of this until I left for college — presumably, he only got involved in the past few months, since his deputy’s haven’t informed me that he suddenly started hanging around Argent, Deaton, or you Hale’s.”

Talia opened her mouth again, and Stiles held up a finger. “Stop. I don’t have time to deal with your insipid questions. Just tell me what we are dealing with. Now.”

There was a moment of stunned silence. Stiles slanted his eyes to the hunter. 

“I’ve been hunting a rogue fae,” Argent said. “Several people in town have fallen comatose, including one of your father’s officers.”

“Fae. Of fucking course, it always has to be fae. What kind?” 

Argent looked at him blankly.

“Come on. Was it seelie or unseelie? An elemental? Changeling? Elf?" Argent's forehead creased. "For chrissakes, did it even originate in this country, or do I have to brush up on my Welsh?”

A throat cleared behind him, and Stiles spun to face the enforcer. “Sweetheart, Christopher has no clue what you’re talking about. I doubt the Argent bestiary takes time to classify the fae beyond methods for killing them.”

“But you don’t even kill them all the same way! It’s—” Stiles groaned in frustration, running a hand over his face. “Forget it. Did anybody get a good look at it? Scott?” 

Scott jolted, mouth snapping shut. “Uh, why do you think I—?”

“Because you’re here, so either you’ve seen it or you dragged my dad into this shitshow. Which one?” Scott shifted.

“Both,” Peter chimed in unhelpfully. Stiles considered wringing his neck, but he was the only one providing any actual information.

“Okay. Okay, we’ll deal with that later. Was it male or female?”

Scott didn’t say anything, glancing towards Talia again.

“Scott, answer my goddamn questions! This is my dad we’re talking about!”

Scott winced back at his decibel, jerking his eyes from Talia to the floor. He looked guilty, as well he should. “A-a girl.”

“Tall or short? What did her skin look like?”

“Uh, tall. Like, taller than you. She was grey, and her eyes—they were completely black.”

Stiles' magic spiked, sparking out of his fingers unhelpfully. Stiles clenched his hands shut and ignored it. “Were there any markings on her forehead?”

“Yeah, there were, like, purple swirls—”

Stiles cursed. Explicitly. 

Talia looked scandalized.

“How long has it been since dad? When was he found?” 

“Eleven hours ago. Parrish called you almost immediately.”

“At least one of the deputy’s are being a good boy,” Stiles murmured thoughtlessly, pacing now. “How long has she been waiting between victims?”

“There have been two a day for the last week.” Peter offered.

Stiles frowned, stilling. “That doesn’t make sense. She shouldn’t have such an appetite, unless…”

“Unless what?” Peter prodded.

“Unless she’s pregnant,” Stiles whispered. He sounded like he was about to faint, and looked little better. “Oh god, a pregnant Aatmanand. I’m surprised this town is still standing.”

He pulled out his phone, flipping through his contacts and trying to ignore the way his hand was trembling.

She picked up on the second ring.

“What is it, Stiles? I’m trying to study.”

“I need your help.”

The person on the other line’s breath hitched, before coming back, smooth as silk. “Are you calling in your favor, Spark?”

“Yes.”

“Can I come to you?”

Stiles glanced at the camera in the room and short circuited it with a spark of energy. Someone gasped. 

“Yes.”

In a flash of light, Adelaide appeared. She was still in her human form except for her gleaming quicksilver eyes, blonde hair tumbling down her back in unruly waves, wearing a monochromatic polka dot pajama set. She took in her audience briefly before turning to Stiles, eyebrow cocking.

“What will you have me do?”

“I have an Aatmanad problem.”

Adelaide took a step towards him, nails sharpening to a point. Her smile was all pointed teeth. “You know I hate those uptight prigs. Just point me in the direction, little Spark.” 

“You can’t kill her,” Stiles ground out, fingers clenching. Adelaide’s nostrils flared, eyes dilating with rage. Stiles held up a hand to stall her protests. “She’s pregnant.” 

“Excuse me? I will not meddle with the Expecting, even for you!” Adelaide hissed.

“I’m not asking you to,” Stiles said impatiently. “I can track her down without you. I just need you to release the knots she weaved about one of the victim’s souls, and drain her leftover magic into a rune.”

Adelaide’s expression twisted again, this time in amusement. “You think much of my abilities. My kind has never been known for this capability.”

“Your kind has never been known for a lot of things,” Stiles returned. That earned him a laugh, quick and dark.

“Very good, Spark. If I do you this favor, my debt is repaid.”

“Agreed.”

“Wait a minute.” Stiles turned to Talia, eyes narrowed. 

“We may not have a minute,” he said coolly. “They die at the twelve hour mark, don’t they? Otherwise Parrish wouldn’t have bothered to say his condition was life threatening. That’s how long it takes her to properly establish her hold and drain them.”

Talia frowned. “You may know something about the supernatural, but this is my land. You cannot summon creatures here without my permission.”

Stiles stared at her. Behind him, Adelaide laughed. 

“What a stupid little wolf,” she smiled. “I can kill her for free, Spark. Alpha’s have the most exquisite aftertaste.”

Peter stood, taking his place behind Talia’s left shoulder. His face was cleared of the previous smirk, eyes hard and calculating. 

“Go fulfill our deal. If I need to kill anybody, I’ll do it myself.”

“You’re no fun,” Adelaide sighed. “I need the rune first.”

Stiles gave her a look, but she just grinned back. Stiles rolled his eyes, grabbing the Sheriff’s badge from his pocket to obscure the transportation spell from curious eyes. 

He held out his hand expectantly, and Adelaide grinned at him, snatching his wrist and gouging into his index finger with a claw. Somebody growled, low and threatening. 

Stiles didn’t wince, just cleared his throat until she dropped his appendage with a pout. 

He drew the anchor rune quickly, all too aware of the eyes in him, and gave her the badge. 

“Remember what I told you when we met,” he warned, when she turned to the room. Adelaide stiffened, glancing over her shoulder at him, and nodded. 

“I would not go against a Spark.”

Stiles turned back to the red eyed Talia. “I don’t fall under your laws,” he said, eyes half-lidded. “As your enforcer could tell you. And even if I did, that is my father. I would tear apart worlds to keep him safe.”

Talia frowned, glancing at her brother. “Peter?”

“He is a Spark, Talia. The Councils combined don’t have enough power to put a leash on his kind.”

“He can’t be,” Laura said, standing to meet her pack. “We would have noticed anything that powerful growing up here. He went to school with Cora, Mia and Scott.”

“‘He’ is right here,” Stiles said drolly. “And consequently doesn’t care what you think.”

[asapjens]

maknae on top (of me)

LE SSERAFIM: hong eunchae x le sserafim 6th!member

SYNOPSIS: despise being only 1 year older than the maknae of the group you can’t help but teasing eunchae about it.

CATEGORY: fluff

WORD COUNT: 317

WARNINGS: cringe, me trying to be funny, some suggestive jokes, mentions of the members teasing you, you teasing eunchae, eunchae teasing you, teasing about age. reader is 1 year older than eunchae, you can read it as a platonic relationship or as a romantic one :)

Your relationship with Eunchae has always been pretty solid and healthy, so that's why Yunjin thought her reaction would be the funniest one.

At first, you weren't sure about doing it because that's not how your relationship was. But after some persuasion from the redhead, you thought it would be funny.

It wasn't as if Eunchae wasn't used to the teasing from Yunjin and Sakura as unnies, but it would be different coming from you since you also suffer from the teasing of being one of the youngest in the group.

That's why the moment Eunchae left her room to sit on the dorm's couch, you jumped right at her. The girl giggled at the action and asked, "What are you doing?" She said with her big gummy smile.

"I'm testing your strength," you said, getting up. Eunchae started laughing at you and raised her eyebrows. "Really, is that it?"

"Yeah, I want to see if you're as strong as fearnots say," you told her while eyeing her up and down. She burst into laughter. "Well, am I?"

"Mmh.. I think so. I guess that's why you're such a loving maknae," you said with a smirk. "I think that's why everyone keeps saying 'maknae on top,' but you know, I think 'maknae on top of me' is better."

Eunchae's big eyes widened at your response, and you watched as her cheeks turned pink. You couldn't help but laugh at your attempt at teasing.

"Yn!" you heard Yunjin call, and heard some laughs in the background. Kazuha, Chaewon, Sakura, and Yunjin came out of the kitchen, laughing loudly.

You covered your face with embarrassment while you heard all of the laughs, until you felt someone's arms around you. Eunchae's.

"You think you're so funny," you heard her say with a teasing tone. "I know," you said.

You felt her hands around yours, and she took your hands out of your face, forcing you to make eye contact with the smiley girl. "You're only months older than me," she said with a pout.

"Yeah, but I couldn't help myself," you said with a smirk. "Actually, you should be thankful." The girl raised her eyebrows in confusion.

"This was the best joke I could think of," you heard the laughs of the girls in the background. "I had one of you being a 'smiley potato,' so..."

"OMG," you heard Sakura's voice, followed by another burst of laughter. "Girl," said Yunjin.

You gave Eunchae a 'save me, please' look. Eunchae laughed at your face and thought you were the cutest girl. "Okay, guys, enough. Leave her alone. I think her saying that joke out loud is punishment enough," she called.

The girls nodded once they calmed down and just smiled, saying they were going to start making dinner.

"Thanks," you said, smiling at the girl. "Woah, they really listened at the first call. That's weird," you said. "I know, right? I guess I'm really becoming a respectable maknae on top," she said, raising her brows with a smirk.

"Maybe. Wait, if you're being the top, does that mean I'm the bottom?" you said.

Eunchae burst into laughter at the comment and hit your arm softly.

"Okay, I'm sorry! And you're right, between us, I'm the better top," you said, teasing her.

She just rolled her eyes and smiled at you.

"We can discuss it later. Now, I'm starving," the girl said, taking your hand and walking towards the kitchen.

"Later as in the night alone in your room? Wow, Hong Eunchae, you're really going for the top."

"Yn!"

[tired-reader-writer]

Thinking about Wolfsong. I initially had Narsus only find out about the whole Gorgan fiasco after canon events start but recently, I've been kinda reconsidering it. Here is a dump of my thought process in no particular order:

So Narsus likely got the court position pretty soon after the whole Three Kingdoms Alliance thing

Shapur is likely involved in repelling said invasion because 1) Andragoras summoned pretty much almost anyone, and 2) it's coming from the east and his lands are in the northeast, Andragoras might want to mobilize the troops to... Peshawar, perhaps? Before the invading troops can penetrate too deep into the country. Many lords were called, yes, but someone like Shapur, whose domain borders Turk, could possibly be doubly expected to respond since this concerns his region. Just food for thought.

I'm not sure about Narsus' timeline in several parts. How long before the TKA was it that Teos died and Narsus became the new lord of Daylam? Was it then that he freed his slaves? Or was it after the TKA ordeal?

He pretty much self-exiled in Pars era 317, so at MOST he would've had two years. Did he live full-time in the capital? Did he ever return to Daylam, even if just briefly? The Daylami seemed pretty familiar with him.

Now that I think about it, Narsus and his mother (I need to name the lady) were kicked out by Teos' main wife and then were accepted back when the wife passed away some time before Teos' death, so maybe he got more time in Daylam than I thought. The problem is that I forgot when he and his mother were accepted back?

Anyways, this opportunity for an encounter between the two kinda offers me the opportunity to have them meet each other early. I am still contemplating what to do with it. Especially since a couple of the enslaved folk Narsus freed could end up in Gorgan's orbit.

There's no way the Gorgan folk could know about Narsus' abolitionist ideals until Narsus pulls that stunt of freeing all his slaves (I assume it happened in Daylam rather than the capital), I mean there's a small possibility that they might know vaguely but it's more likely that they straight up won't know until Narsus does the societal equivalent of kicking down the door and blasting a horn far and wide. There's also very little possibility of Narsus knowing unless Gorgan reaches out to him first— what with their operation being so hush-hush and crucially under wraps because of the Mardi's caution— and they wouldn't reach out before knowing that Narsus is trustworthy.

But after? Could Shapur possibly reach out? Maybe he would want his children to have an ally he knows can be trusted so they won't be so alone against the world. Would it even be Shapur who reaches out? Would it be Sadiq who advises Shapur to do so? Would it make sense for them to see a potential friend and ally and not take the opportunity, especially when Shapur has already cut ties with his relatives over the Isfan debacle and the region can't exactly trust other nobles willy-nilly. I don't know.

In the scenario that he does reach out and they do end up connecting with each other, what can I do with it? Narsus probably got the court position in 315, in my timeline I put down that Shapur becomes a marzban in 316 (age 32), after some ambiguous campaign that he was called to be part of, so he would have to go to the capital again. I did not find anything significant in the novel timeline in the year 316, so I wouldn't know what the occasion is. But in the hypothetical scenario that they're acquainted with each other by this point, what interesting thing can I do with how they view the capital? Does Narsus ever get to return to Daylam during his time as a court advisor of sorts? What could he do with this?

I have something vague pinned down for after when canon starts, where the Mardi folk (esp Khazān and Arslan? not sure yet) help Daylam defend against Lusitanians and encountering Irina and her crew + Kubard and Merlaine and things rolling from there— could that aid be rooted in a friendship established before that point?

Coordinating trade and stuff between the two regions could be pretty difficult if Narsus isn't there to manage the process, though. So I'm still not sure how it all works out.

In the scenario that there is a connection between Gorgan and Daylam, could Narsus possibly go back to Daylam after his exile instead of going to live on Mt. Bashur in isolation? Because even if somebody else warns him to be careful, I don't think it's possible for Narsus to stay quiet about the corruption and injustices in the capital and eventually he'd snap and get fed up and leave when his concerns go ignored.

I'm... still not sure what would happen after he goes back to Daylam (if he does) or why I'm contemplating this whole situation in the first place BUT here I am, pondering and contemplating anyways.

[sophaeros]

arctic monkeys for rip it up - new zealand, june/july 2007 / no. 317

Monkey Storm

It's been just over a year since Rip It Up spoke to indie superstars Arctic Monkeys. Since then they've toured the world, played a stonking show in Auckland, and just released their second album Favourite Worst Nightmare, so we figured it was time to talk to them again. Guitarist Jamie Cook took Rip It Up's call.

by Helene Ravlich

You can't get much farther from the UK town of Sheffield than the middle of the Palm Desert, which Arctic Monkeys guitarist Jamie Cook describes as "steaming, it were really hot," while chowing down on a Mexican meal in midtown Los Angeles.

He describes the band's experience of playing the Coachella music festival in said area as being "just lovely”, choosing to ignore the events of only two days before. On Friday, the youthful quartet played their indie hit ‘I Bet You Look Good On the Dance Floor;, but failed to impress former Faith No More singer Mike Patton, who was also performing with his really rather amazing trip-hop-influenced project, Peeping Tom. Resplendent in a doo-rag and a faux bulletproof vest, he led his crowd on an adjacent stage into mocking laughter directed at the English band. It appears that the Arctics - who recently released their second album, Favourite Worst Nightmare - were largely oblivious to the ex-Faith No More frontman's shenanigans, and just carried on having a bloody good time.

For those of you who may have been hiding under the duvet for the last few years, the Arctic Monkeys were one of the music world's most recent meteoric success stories. Just a bunch of likely lads from High Green (a suburb of Sheffield) much in need of a course of ProActiv acne wash, the Arctics achieved their success largely through fan-made demo tapes and online file-sharing. They were heralded as one of the first acts to come to the public attention via the internet (pre-MySpace), with commentators suggesting they represented the possibility of a change in the way in which new bands are promoted and marketed. The band eventually signed to independent record label Domino and their debut album, Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not, became the fastest-selling debut album in British music history and received unbridled displays of critical acclaim, including winning the 2006 Mercury Prize.

Since the release of that first album it's been pretty manic for the lads, who are still barely out of their teens. Surely by now they must be in need of some time off?

"Well we didn't really want to take any," says Cook, "I guess you could call it time off when we were recording but even that didn't take that long at all because we all get quite bored quite easily”.

That teenage leaning towards ADHD even infiltrates any attempt at a holiday with once again the guitarist saying that "we don't really take holidays because they just make us get even more bored”. Did some of that urgency stem from the jitters due to having the pressure to produce a second album as successful as their first weighing on their shoulders?

"No not all all, definitely not. We all really love touring and recording and going non-stop - that's what you start a band for, you know what I mean? We just wanted to get back into the studio so we could get that out of the way and go back on tour... we'd been on the road for 18 months but just wanted to get back out there."

So the band write when they are out on the road?

"Yeah a few songs were wrote on the road and a few were wrote in the studio," explains the guitarist, "and when we had a few days at home in Sheffield a few were wrote there too."

He says that the songs are also written using a variety of methods, including those that are generated from a general band jam session which singer Alex then goes away and creates lyrics for.

"Sometimes a song will come from a drum part or someone having a play on the acoustic guitar," he explains, "and we just develop it together."

Despite the fact that they have pretty much only seen the inside of tour buses and hotel rooms for the past couple of years he says that they still find inspiration from things observed on the road, as well as seemingly insignificant events that remain in their minds. New track 'The Only Ones Who Know' dates back to an innocuous story of two newcomers to the city who asked the band one Sunday night, "where's good to go tonight?" Vocalist and lyricist Turner later turned this into the aforementioned romantic wee song, which hopes that the pair are "still holding hands by New Year's Eve".

Formed in 2002, the band currently consists of Alex Turner on lead vocals and guitar, Cook on guitar, Matt Helders on drums and backing vocals and Nick O'Malley on bass guitar, a position formerly held by Andy Nicholson. Nicholson suddenly upped and left the group after pulling out of a North American tour last year, and the band issued the following, rather bland statement: "We are sad to tell everyone that Andy is no longer with the band. We have been mates with Andy for a long time and have been through some amazing things together that no one can take away. We all wish Andy the very best". The bass player's initial departure from the US tour was blamed on "fatigue following an intensive period of touring," and then he finally threw the remainder of his toys out of the cot and left for good.

Maybe one day we'll all just go mad... There you go — end of this year we'll all be in rehab! Jamie Cook

So Andy was out and the band gained Nick, both of whom have been friends with the others in the band since childhood. Do they ever see Andy around during the rare trips they get to take back to Sheffield?

"Yeah we do," says Cook, "he's a DJ now and does a club night on a Saturday there that we like to go to when we can."

He adds that the ex-bass player is also trying to get a band back together so he obviously has got over the trauma of his earlier experience with the Arctics. He says that O'Malley's entrance into the band was almost seamless, and that after he filled in for Nicholson after he dropped off early in their US tour it immediately felt "natural" and so he stayed. Surely the current line up feels at times the enormous pressure of being The Next Big Thing, and now a million pretenders have been signed in their wake and are probably enduring much of the same. How does the still really rather young guitarist recommend that they cope? How do his band stay sane in the face of media madness and public fanaticism?

"I don't rightly know," he says with a laugh, "maybe one day we'll all just go mad... There you go - end of this year we'll all be in rehab!

“That seems to be the thing to do right now, doesn't it?" he continues, "start feeling sorry for yourself and then just ship off to a clinic".

Drummer Matt Helders has reportedly taken up boxing in order to stay in shape for the rigours of their relentless touring schedule, but one can hardly imagine the scrawnier members of the band attempting the same.

As well as a new bass player, Favourite Worst Nightmare also sees the arrival of two new producers for the band. After making Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not with acclaimed rock producer Jim Abiss (Kasabian, DJ Shadow, Placebo), the band took a creative swerve on its follow up by working with James Ford (whose "We Are Your Friends' — as Simian — became a UK club smash in tandem with the Arctics) and Mike Crossey. Vocalist Turner has said that, "from the very first session we did it was obvious that it was sound with them", and Cook agrees, adding that the producers are barely older than the band themselves and understood them from the get go. They had actually started work on their debut with Ford and Crossey but Abiss was called in to take over not long after, so when it was time to start work on album number two they knew that they had more control and could choose to go back to their original choice of producers. He echoes Turner saying, “we just knew right from the start that we'd done the right thing and still feel good about doing it". What did they bring to the sound of the album and the process that Abiss couldn't offer?

"I can't really put my finger on it," he says, "it was just a load of new ideas and a matter of working with people who really understood what we were trying to do.

"We haven't really done much time in the studio but they were really willing to explain things to us," he adds, which is one of the best ways of learning, innit?"

He says the process was very democratic though, with everyone's individual ideas given airtime and considered, whether or not the production duo agreed with them, "but if something was really shit they'd kind of tell us, and we respected that".

He says that the time spent on a seemingly never-ending tour has at least given him the chance to check out new music, and he likes a lot of what he hears.

"I really love the new Arcade Fire album," he enthuses, "and they were at Coachella too so I got to actually watch them, which was amazing".

He's also a big fan of the Kings of Leon and relative newbies the Klaxons, but says that he can hear the funeral bells tolling for the UK indie scene which singled out his band to be huge.

"There's just so many shit bands back home now that I think anyone with a guitar can get signed, he says, "especially if they've got a nice haircut or something".

He's excited about touring the United States however, which they had previously only visited for a whirlwind three and a half weeks. Are they actively looking to properly break into that massive market? "I don't really know, we think people like us over here but who knows?" he explains, "we haven't been bottled yet.."

This year the lads have been given the mammoth task of being the headlining act at Glastonbury. which is surely no mean feat for a band barely out of their teens. Cook says that the whole band were hugely flattered at being asked, and explains that part of that was due to the fact that the ink was well dry on the contract before they had even started work on their second album.

"We just feel so honoured and can't wait," he says with true excitement in his voice, "I've never even been to Glastonbury because I've always been too young or couldn't get a ticket. I'd watch it every year on the telly and just think how much I'd like to go, and now, I'm bloody playing it!"

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

fic title: innocence is the coin of knowledge (and the price is ever steep)

Hitoshi didn’t really know where they were going. Aizawa told him the guy they would meet was one of the best information brokers in Japan, possibly the world.

Hitoshi had expected some sort of bar, a run down area or a condemned building. Instead he got a pretty middle class looking apartment building. Aizawa led the way to unit 317, knocking on the door.

The person who opened said door was a teenager maybe a year older or possibly Hitoshi’s age. Or the green haired teen looked like it until you saw his eyes.

Those were far too old for a teenager.

“Info?” The teen asked tiredly.

“Yeah, and I’m willing to pay both ways.” Aizawa said. The teen gave a snort.

“You’re the only one willing to.”

Summary: Izuku has a quirk where he ‘sacrifices’ his innocence for knowledge. He can also use it on others so they give up part of their innocence for knowledge. A lot of heroes are willing to pay good money for his info but aren’t willing to give up their innocence. Aizawa is one of the few who do, actually is the only one willing to in general.

Pairings: Not sure. I’m thinking past EraserMic with Aizawa breaking up once he learns Mic doesn’t offer to pay the innocence price. Of course this is cause Mic is told not to worry by Izuku and doesn’t think which causes some Drama. Maybe ShinDeku? Or just platonic?

[stabbyfoxandrew]

hiii, i missed the last couple wipws but i caught today's in time!! how are you?

exam season sucks and i'm not up to date, but could i request dealer's choice between arson neil and mafia front? i'll read the last parts of each during my study breaks this weeks :)

i hope your back doesn't hurt and your computer is behaving and that you have a good week in general <33 and also that you draw the mer boysss hehe

WIP Wednesday (5/14) | Mafia Front Restaurant AU (Part 317)

"I suppose you have a point."

"Mm, you must be extremely valuable for him to overlook your matching attitude problems. I feel most mob bosses would frown upon those. But what do I know."

"Actually Ichirou doesn't know about my sparkling personality. Or Jean's either."

"Reserved for me, then? Aren't I lucky?" Andrew says, earning a snicker.

"Yeah, friends and family only. Little boss thinks I'm a yes man."

"Little boss." Andrew repeats, amused. Neil's eyes go wide for half a second and he grimaces slightly.

"That's what my uncle calls him— Ichirou."

"Delightful."

"Yeah. Stuart doesn't particularly like being under a man half his age," Neil explains. Andrew stomps the impulse to make some sort of vulgar joke. "Anyway, I don't much care for Ichirou's reasoning as long as we get rid of the fuckers."

Andrew thinks about this for a moment. "Maybe it's just... pest control." A thin brow raises across from him. "You know, like when you realize a mouse has gotten into your pantry. Killing one isn't enough. You have to get all of them and destroy the entire nest or more will show up trying to take what's not theirs. In extreme cases you have to get an exterminator. That's you, yes?"

Neil laughs, a puff of air dances across Andrew's jaw. "Yeah. I suspect my uncle'll be calling me in the next few days. He says he's working on getting us an in. A big meeting in a warehouse with all the Wolves present— that's what they call themselves. Wolves." Neil looks a moment away from rolling his eyes and Andrew wonders what's so offensive about it.

"Charming. What do you call yourselves?"

Neil opens his mouth but before he can say a word, the kitchen door bursts open and startles them both. As they each fall back into their respective booths, Andrew glances over to see Kevin Day himself approaching the table. Something in Andrew's stomach rolls over and dies. What is he doing out here? In all the time Andrew's been showing up to bother Neil, Kevin's never stepped foot out of the kitchen. Jean, occasionally. Neil, obviously. But Kevin? Never. He seemed to be avoiding Andrew as much as Andrew was trying to avoid him. Until now.

As Kevin gets closer and closer, Andrew suddenly takes interest in his formerly abandoned game of solitaire. He picks up the deck he'd cast to the side earlier and focuses on the cards in front of him, drawing three.

Three.

Three.

Three. From the counter of his eye he sees the toes of Kevin's shoes land next to the booth, trapping him in.

"Hi." Kevin says. It sounds more like an exhale than a word. Andrew does not respond. He will not respond. If he ignores Kevin he will go away. Worked like a charm last time, after all. Andrew went up for a smoke and came back ten minutes later to an empty dorm. He can play cards for ten minutes. Kevin clears his throat then, as if he thinks Andrew didn't hear him. Can't see him. "I need to talk to you, Andrew."

At his name, Andrew's resolve splits into a thousand shimmering pieces. He braces himself before looking expectantly up at Kevin and trying not to let himself be completely unstrung by this stupid, gorgeous asshole. Bracing himself is not enough. Kevin looks so different, but exactly the same. Seven years older, not a day wiser, still beautiful beyond all reason. He looks like he did the last time Andrew was this close to him: on the verge of a panic attack. Andrew will not be kissing this one away, that's for damned sure.

[jimintomystery]

MST3K's most wanted

I've been organizing my Mystery Science Theater 3000 collection, so I've become preoccupied with the handful of episodes that are not easily available, and the reasons why. In case in anyone else is interested, I thought I'd share what I've learned.

For our purposes we'll be focusing on the ten seasons that aired on cable, from 1989 to 1999. With the post-2017 episodes, it's trivial to purchase them on home video or streaming. And the pre-cable stuff, from KTMA, is widely available as bootleg footage, which is probably about as good as you're ever going to get. But the episodes from the cable era have been notoriously difficult to re-release, and require special attention.

Of the 176 MST3K episodes that aired on cable, 166 have been released on home video, and 145 are available for streaming/download on the Gizmoplex. As someone who's been trying to collect the whole series since the 1990s, I think that's pretty impressive. But there are 40 episodes that have been particularly tricky. Let's take a look, won't you?

Currently available on the Gizmoplex, but never on home video (1):

913 - Quest of the Delta Knights

As I understand it, nobody was sure who owned the rights to this movie, or how to contact them, for years. The situation has only recently been cleared up, perhaps too late for a DVD release.

Currently available on the Gizmoplex, but out of print on home video (8):

203 - Jungle Goddess

317 - Viking Women and the Sea Serpent

319 - War of the Colossal Beast

510 - The Painted Hills

619 - Red Zone Cuba

806 - The Undead

808 - The She-Creature

912 - The Screaming Skull

It looks like all of these went out of print due to being on a set where a different episode's rights expired. Theoretically Shout Factory could re-release any of them in a "Lost and Found" set, but that may not be cost-effective as people move away from collecting physical media.

Currently available on home video and MST3K's official YouTube, but not on the Gizmoplex (1):

615 - Kitten with a Whip (Vol. 25 DVD, 2012)

Kitten is one of the Universal movies that could only be licensed for physical media. And yet, it's the only one I can find on the official YouTube channel. Beats me why that is.

Currently available on home video, but not on the Gizmoplex (16):

401 - Space Travelers (Vol. 32 DVD, 2015)

522 - Teen-Age Crime Wave (Vol. 33 DVD, 2015)

524 - 12 to the Moon (Vol. 35 DVD, 2016)

601 - Girls Town (Vol. 39 DVD, 2017)

605 - Colossus and the Headhunters (Vol. 38 DVD, 2017)

614 - San Francisco International (Vol. 32 DVD, 2015)

704 - The Incredible Melting Man (Vol. 36 DVD, 2016)

801 - Revenge of the Creature (Vol. 25 DVD, 2012)

802 - The Leech Woman (25th Anniversary Edition DVD, 2013)

803 - The Mole People (Vol. 26 DVD, 2013)

804 - The Deadly Mantis (Vol. 27 DVD, 2013)

805 - The Thing That Couldn't Die (Vol. 29 DVD, 2013)

814 - Riding With Death (Vol. 36 DVD, 2016)

815 - Agent for H.A.R.M (Vol. 33 DVD, 2015)

901 - The Projected Man (Vol. 30 DVD, 2014)

1013 - Diabolik (Vol. 39 DVD, 2017)

I was able to find the DVD sets listed above on Shout Factory's website. As far as I know, they'll remain in print for the foreseeable future, but there's no way to know how long that will last.

The general pattern with these episodes is that the movies are owned by major studios that would only license them for physical media. Columbia owns Teen-Age Crime Wave and 12 to the Moon. MGM owns Girls Town and The Incredible Melting Man. Paramount owns Diabolik. But the big player here is Universal, which controls the rights to Space Travelers, San Francisco International, Revenge of the Creature, Leech Woman, Mole People, Deadly Mantis, Thing That Couldn't Die, Riding With Death, Agent for H.A.R.M., and Projected Man.

The odd man out here is Colossus and the Headhunters; I can't find any info on who owns the rights to this film, which may be part of the problem.

The real hard cases, the stickiest of wickets, are below...

Released on home video, but now out of print (5):

212 - Godzilla vs. Megalon (Vol. 10 DVD, 2006)

309 - The Amazing Colossal Man (VHS, 1996)

910 - The Final Sacrifice (Vol. 17 DVD, 2010)

1001 - Soultaker (Vol. 14 DVD, 2009)

1012 - Squirm (Turkey Day Collection DVD, 2014)

Megalon and Colossal Man were both recalled when rights issues came up after they were released. Oops. These were produced by Rhino, back before Shout Factory took over.

The Final Sacrifice is particularly tough to find, even unofficially, because director Tjardus Greidanus is very aggressive about tracking down download links. I always figured someone was similarly possessive of Soultaker, since it's clearly a passion project, but that's purely my speculation.

The Turkey Day DVD set is still available on Amazon at a reasonable price, so Squirm is still relatively accessible for now.

Never released on home video or streaming (9):

201 - Rocketship X-M

213 - Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster

311 - It Conquered the World

416 - Fire Maidens of Outer Space

418 - Attack of the the Eye Creatures

807 - Terror from the Year 5000

809 - I was a Teenage Werewolf

905 - The Deadly Bees

906 - The Space Children

In 2017, Shout released its final (?) MST3K DVD collection, which included Satellite Dishes, a compilation of host segments from episodes that "may never get a legitimate release." This included the nine listed above, as well as The Amazing Colossal Man and Quest for the Delta Knights. Of course, Delta Knights eventually got a digital-only release, which is cause for a glimmer of hope. But the others are probably tougher nuts to crack.

Wade Williams owned the rights to Rocketship X-M and had a particular sentimental attachment to the film. His death in 2023 may make it easier to negotiate with his estate, but I wouldn't count on that being a swift process.

Godzilla vs. Megalon and Godzilla vs. The Sea Monster are part of a prestigious franchise, and it's remarkable MST3K got away with riffing on Godzilla movies in the first place. I get the impression that Japanese culture doesn't particularly appreciate the sort of mockery MST3K is known for, so the rights to these two movies may be a long, long shot. Then again I used to think there was no hope of for the Gamera episodes too.

Fire Maidens, Deadly Bees, and Space Children are owned by Olive Films, and currently licensed to Paramount. It's possible a deal can be made later on, but not until the current arrangement expires.

The major bugbear for MST3K fandom is Susan Hart, the widow of American International Pictures co-founder James Nicholson. One way or another the AIP catalog was split up and Hart laid claim to several of their films, including Amazing Colossal Man, It Conquered the World, Eye Creatures, Terror from the Year 5000, and Teenage Werewolf. Hart's price for licensing her movies is very high, and it seems Shout has given up negotiating with her. I suppose the situation could change when she passes away, but I'd feel rather silly hoping for an old woman to die just so I can pay 8 bucks to watch robots laugh at a werewolf movie.

In conclusion, I've already purchased all the movies available on the Gizmoplex (I got most of them in a Kickstarter reward package), and the 31 that aren't available there can be obtained by, ahem, other means. So it's a great time to be an MST3K fan, and I'm still amazed how easy it is to watch the show nowadays.

[annakie]

I Tripped and Took a Dive Into Another Life (Part 2)

(Oh geez, guess what, I'm still not done, but I'm tired of typing now and want to go make lunch. There's gonna be a part three, too.)

Part One HERE.

Picking up to complete this post about my weight loss saga this year, please read that post first!

This will focus even more on the last 10 months, talk about what and how I eat, more positives and a few negatives, and will also talk about side effects -- TW here for some bodily function talk.

The lowest dose, 2.5mg per week, isn't really supposed to work, it's a loading dose, to help get your body used to the medication. A lot of people find they need to get to a higher dose, like 5.0 or 7.5 (it goes up to 15) before really feeling the effects. Vials of the compounded medication typically have 4 weeks of doses. If you're on the official stuff, it comes in 4 pens in a box.

2.5 worked pretty well for me, but I decided I wanted to get to 5 after 4 weeks of 2.5. Mochi, the company I was getting the medication from, charged the same amount no matter what dose you were on, so starting at the 2nd month I asked to go up to 5.

The great thing about compound, and just getting vials of medication, is that you can take as much or as little as you want, so I got a vial that would have four 5mg doses in each vial, and instead of taking 5mg, I'd take like, 3mg. I kept ordering my medication on time, and thus was holding back extra doses to save money later. I didn't feel the need to take a full 5mg for awhile, so I titrated up slow and saved a little money later, too.

---

So the first almost two months I was on Tirzepatide, I told no one. I had one friend who I'd talked about maybe trying it with when I first talked to my doctor, before I did the research and made my decision, but I thought, for awhile, I'm going to keep this to myself, in case it doesn't work out. So I did February and March quietly.

I'd found a spreadsheet on Reddit for progress tracking so I can tell you what weight I was at every Friday since 2/9 of this year (ok well three were NEAR that Friday since I wasn't home/able to weigh on Friday.)

But then I knew my first real test was coming, Game Con Weekend. Like I said in my previous post, I go to a local game convention every year. I attend this convention with two of my close friends, and typically we spend the entire convention together, including meal planning.

There wasn't really any way around me telling them that I planned on not eating out every meal. I spent awhile planning how I would eat that weekend, and I determined that I'd eat breakfast at home before leaving, then pack a large insulated bag with snacks and food for lunch and dinner, as well as some protein shakes. I'd allow myself to eat "out" three meals over the 4-day weekend. The first being our customary breakfast with just the three of us before the convention opened.

This was the first time I ate out at all since starting Tirzepatide and I was nervous. But I told myself I had a plan and I could stick to it. Eat a decent breakfast out but save calories for the food I'd brought the rest of the day.

I'd lost about 28 pounds, my weight was around 317 by then. It was a number I was really proud of, but I knew you couldn't tell by looking at me yet, and I was OK with that.

So I told the guys to expect me to bring my own food most of the time. Then met them for breakfast that Thursday morning.

I tried only ordering from the kid's menu, and the restaurant wouldn't let me. So I just got a short stack and some sausage. I could see the questioning looks from my friends, so I told them what I was doing, medication and all. These are two of the people I love and trust most in the world, and if anyone would support me, well they were two of them. They were both happy for me and really supportive.

Throughout the weekend I was able to stick to plan pretty well. One afternoon for a planned eat-out meal we got Jersey Mike's, and I got the sub I normally get, in the Regular size. I knew how many calories it would be, planned to eat half for lunch and half for dinner and fit it into my day. Then at lunch I could only eat like half of half of the sub. I had the other quarter for dinner, and took the second half home, excited to have it for two more meals.

...And then I accidentally left it out on the counter all night and had to throw it away in the morning. I wasn't even that upset about it.

We went to my favorite Mexican restaurant for the post-con lunch, just the three of us, and I did... pretty well there, too.

Actually, looking at those days on LoseIt I actually did terribly, because with the increased physical activity I netted less than 900 calories on each day, aside from Sunday when it was 1100.

My absolute minimum acceptable calories in those days was like 1400. Whoops.

---

Speaking of netting calories, around the end of March I decided to take tracking calories even more seriously, and got a Fitbit. I absolutely love having my physical activity sync up via my watch and then into LoseIt. I know it's not super accurate but it gives a really good general idea of how I'm doing in a lot more stats and if I've done enough that day to actually eat through my BMR to more calories burned. I don't always make it, but I do most of the time.

When I was about 17 pounds down I also bought a better smart scale than the first one I got, one that tracks a lot more stats, and gave more steady readings than the cheap one I got at first. For that first one I stepped on the scale 3 times and it would give me 3 different readings.

The new one I got was from Renpho and I do recommend their products. I wish I'd have gotten both of these things earlier because my stats are "wrong" for both in overall tracking in their apps. I just like, this week got my 100lb badge from FitBit when I was already down well over 120.

---

Since game weekend went so well, a weekend or two later I saw my parents and aunt for the first time in several months. I wasn't decided if I'd tell them yet or not, but while we were at lunch and I only ordered a smaller sandwich and a salad the topic sort of came up and I told them. They were happy and proud of me.

I think at this point I had enough evidence that this was working and I had the confidence that I'd keep going. I didn't want to get anyone's hopes up and then fail again.

For the first time in a really long time, I didn't feel like I was going to fail.

Mentally, it felt like everything had changed. And maybe after getting through the early part all on my own I wanted some validation and accountability.

I also maybe had my first "wow , you're looking good" type comment around this time. I still thought you couldn't tell and maybe one person had told another what I was doing, but I was OK with it. That friend mentioned it in front of two other people so word started to get around. I didn't mind, whereas normally I kind of would.

---

I also pretty quickly decided I would be completely open with anyone I talked about my eating/weight with about the fact that I was on a medication.

The truth very much is that all of the things I talked about in my previous post about how the medication worked really was the lynchpin in helping me succeed.

I'm not ashamed of being on Tirzepatide, at all. I think anyone saying some bullshit like "It's cheating!" is, frankly, not worth my time. But I'll address it anyway.

It's cheating as much as taking any medicine for any condition is. It's cheating as much as me wearing glasses to correct my vision is cheating. It's cheating as much as someone who has depression taking their prescribed medication is. Which is to say, not at fucking all.

I have some real actual conditions in my body that make losing weight harder. I have a real actual mental condition causing compulsive eating.

And now we have medications that address these problems and help correct the issues.

Saying "Oh, it's because you lack willpower" is way oversimplifying a very complex issue, and I really hate the whole willpower argument. I have the willpower to get out of bed and work every work day. I have the willpower to run three TTRPG games every week. I have the willpower to do a thousand things I do and do not want to do every day. Even when I was at my worst eating, I was doing a lot of other things that took willpower to do. It's not just willpower. If that were the only answer, there'd be a lot fewer overweight people in the world.

But hey, if anyone wants to still think this is "cheating" that's fine, that opinion means less than nothing to me. Feel free to keep thinking that, but this post is not for you.

The thing is, I am abso-fucking-lutely putting in the work. I am doing all the things you're supposed to do. I have completely changed what I eat, how I eat it, when I eat, the amount I eat, where I eat... I've changed it all. I have cut many things out of my diet (at least eating them on a regular basis), I have added a lot of good healthy things into my diet.

My physical activity has greatly increased. I'm not doing a formal exercise routine yet but what I have been doing is a hell of a lot more movement in other ways in my life, including a full house cleanout, home improvement projects, and playing movement intensive games on my VR headset, amongst other things.

I'll talk more about that in a bit. But my Fitbit helps me make sure I get in enough movement and reminds me to get it done.

So yes, diet and exercise are things that I absolutely have to do to lose weight and I am VERY MUCH DOING THEM, just as anyone who needs to lose weight should do.

WHAT I'M NOT DOING IS SUFFERING.

I cannot stress that enough.

So many people seem to think that weight loss should be suffering, and honestly, it felt like that every time before.

But this time, I'm just not suffering.

I am not white-knuckling it through every day. I am not obsessing about food. I am not tempted to binge and then starve myself in penance. I am not dreaming about cheesecake and upset that I can't have any. Honestly, if I really wanted cheesecake that badly I'd go get a slice (and probably would get three bites in and go "Ew, ok that's enough) then fit that into my calorie range that day. I just don't generally want it anyway.

The medication helps my brain feel so much more normal about food, like I talked about last post. Even when the Food Noise voice does act up, I can now easily quiet it by actually just having a little of the thing or a decent substitute, and it works. I am not watching the clock every minute of the day until I get to eat something else. Way more likely, I have to remind myself it's time to eat something and that I NEED to get enough food in my body to meet my daily calorie, protein and fiber goals. (Literally, as I was writing this this morning I accidentally skipped my 9ish AM breakfast, usually a banana or some turkey sausage, so I just had my banana at 11:20am. Oops.)

I am able to sit back and evaluate if I'm Actually Hungry when the "FOOD!" voice acts up, and hey, sometimes I AM Actually Hungry and even if it's not "time" to have lunch or whatever yet, I can easily address that. Sometimes I eat a meal a little earlier, sometimes I just make sure I get a high protein or fiber snack in. Who gives a shit if it's not the right "time"? It's easy to adjust the rest of my day around that and make sure I still stay within my calorie range.

Even if I "over eat" a day or two a week, I can eat a little less another day and bring my weekly average back in line. Usually I'm on the lower side of my range anyway so even a "calorie heavy" day just brings me back to where I should be. Not eating enough is just as bad as eating too much.

Being on Tirzepatide is completely different than every time I've tried to lose weight. It's... I don't want to say easy but it's not really fucking hard like it used to be, like so many people think it's supposed to be.

I just cannot stress enough what a game changer Tirzepatide has been.

---

On Sunday, May 19th I weighed in at 299.4.

I took a picture. I cried. I honestly stood there on the scale and sobbed for a minute. I couldn't believe it. Six months earlier I would have believed I'd never see a 2 on the front of the scale ever again.

And yet, three months and ten days after my first shot, there I was.

It was a really good day.

---

In mid-May, I had my annual physical with my PCP. The first time I'd seen him since Christmas.

I had been formulating in my mind for weeks about how I would tell him I was doing compounded Tirzepatide instead of actual Zepbound/Mounjaro and why I felt this was the right choice for me. It was just after I had skirted in under 300 at that point and was feeling SO GOOD about myself and my progress. I wasn't coming off the medication unless there was something actually wrong with my body and I felt better than I had in years already. It was clear the medication WORKED.

I first met with the PA, and she remarked on my weight, and just straight up asked me if I was on Zepbound or if I was doing Compound.

I was a little taken aback, I hadn't expected that direct question. I blurted out "I'm on Compound," ready to defend my choice.

"OK, not through us? What dose are you on and how much are you paying?"

Errr... uhh... wait, that's her question? How much am I paying?

"I'm taking 5mg, and $400/month"

The PA laughed. "Oh you're overpaying. We can get it for you 5mg for $150/month. Do you want us to send that prescription over?"

I was gobsmacked. Not only was my Doctor's office in favor of compound, but they just wanted to save me money!?

Hell. YES.

My Doctor came in a few minutes later and high fived me. We talked a little bit about my journey so far and he was so proud of me, but annoyed at me for not telling him sooner I decided on Compound because he could have saved me money for the last like 2 months. They sent the prescription to a local compound pharmacy.

TBH I keep very close tabs on all the happenings in the compound world and $150/month was the cheapest I'd seen ANYWHERE for 5mg. Unfortunately their price jumped to $325 for 7.5mg but it was my plan to stay on 5mg for as long as possible.

So I did get one more month with my old company (I was doing a quarterly subscription with Mochi and had one more month to go, I think they're still a good company to start with if your PCP won't work with you. THIS IS NO LONGER TRUE, see my note in the last post, do not use them.) but got them to send me a vial of 7.5, they claimed their medication was good in the fridge for up to a year. And started getting my new meds from the local pharmacy for like a third of the cost. (And a HELL of a lot better than the $550 -- now $650 btw, for the name brand stuff.)

I'm still getting my meds from them.

My PCP agreed that the cost for prescription was completely out of hand and he'd LOVE to have all his patients on the medication take name brand Zepbound/Mounjaro if it wasn't so cost prohibitive. He was happy with the local pharmacy though.

We did a new round of complete bloodwork and all my numbers in the things that were bad were improving, all my numbers that were OK were even OKer.

He basically just told me to keep doing what I'm doing, keep it up, keep going!

---

By that time I'd taken my daily calorie goal down to about 1600, between having lost the weight and being OK with the faster loss. I cleared that number with my doctor when I talked to him, and he said as long as I was eating a variety of foods including fruits and vegetables, getting at least 1200, eating around the protein and fiber I was getting in, and taking a daily vitamin, then, go for it. I think he was pretty impressed with my Plan and daily tracking.

I was honestly happier in this range, 1200 - 1600. Any more than that and I was back to feeling like I wanted to puke by the end of the day. (I never have thrown up btw, but some people experience that.)

---

At the end of May, well, y'all know, the entire House Saga kicked off.

That week without power was another huge test for me. I couldn't cook. I had to eat either the non-perishables I had on hand or eat out.

I did terribly that week.

As in, I didn't eat nearly enough.

I spent a good part of the week on Quest Protein bars, and Fairlife Protein Shakes that I either stored in Eric's fridge (along with my medication which I moved to his house on the second day), or bought at a convenience store. I just was not hungry, I was too busy thinking of when the hell will my power come back on?! and being stressed about work.

I did get something eating out every day. Sonic, Jason's Deli, Chipotle.

And yet every day my net calories came in dangerously low. By this time I would get like, a regular sandwich or Chipotle bowl and half would be lunch, half would be dinner (getting a bag of ice from Sonic and putting it in my freezer every day kept things cool enough.)

And yet... I wasn't eating enough those days. I netted (after Fitbit counted physical activity) about 900 - 1100 calories each day.

I was down to 292 by the end of the week.

---

Two weeks later I went through my first baffling week where I put on a pound despite doing everything right. And only lost .8 pounds the week before that.

Before, that would have been a mind-killer. My calories were in range, my protein and fiber were in range, and yet.

Instead of freaking out about it, though, it was easy to look at my data. I reviewed my LoseIt logs to see if I'd do something different.

Nah, not really. I looked at my tracking spreadsheet tabs and instead concentrated on my trend line. It kept going down, this was the first time it'd bumped up.

I reminded myself that I am a woman, and I'd had a couple of week so far where my loss was less than I thought it should be, and as a AFAB woman our bodies have a monthly cycle where we retain water, and that water would be released soon. No need to panic.

Instead of eating my frustration and sadness at seeing the scale go up instead of down, I stayed the course and trusted my plan and the medication.

It went down 4 pounds the next week.

---

June 19th we had our summer get together for the IT/Development department at work. That meant actually going into the office. The first time anyone except Eric from work had seen me.

I had told Eric I was losing weight when I stored my meds in his fridge during the outage. At this point I was down 55 pounds.

FIFTY FIVE POUNDS!!! Crossing that 50 mark had come soon after getting under 300 but it was still a big victory.

For the first time, I started digging through my closet and pulled out some stuff I hadn't worn in a long time.

My favorite pair of jeans, which had a pretty flower pattern on one leg and hip. They fit well again, I hadn't tried them on in a couple of years.

A tank top, and over that was a plaid cotton shirt which actually had a very infamous incident happen at my previous job (where I worked with a lot of the people I work with at this job) while I was wearing it -- someone accidentally spilled hot coffee on me and... it's a story that we love to re-tell, because the person who did it had several other stories surrounding him about being an oddball and this one was kind of the last straw about him.

I figured people would get a kick out of me wearing THAT shirt and also I LOOKED AWESOME IN THAT SHIRT.

I looked awesome that day.

Honestly though, even at a 55 pound loss, it wasn't super obvious I'd lost weight, and I was OK with it.

I did notice, though, that as Eric drove us into work, I fit in his passenger seat much better.

I noticed that when I climbed the flight of stairs to get to our office (there's 2 stories, no elevator) it was easier than it had been at Christmas.

I fit better into the chairs at work.

We had a catered breakfast, but I'd already eaten at home and don't like breakfast burritos anyway, so I loaded up a plate with fruit and nibbled during the morning presentations.

And then like, the big test, for me. In the afternoon we were supposed to go do Axe Throwing. Kinda like bowling but with axes.

It was also about two blocks away from the office, around the same walk as the Barcade had been at Christmas.

I hadn't really done any big long walks (and yeah, two blocks was "long" for me at the time.) Would my back hold out?

Eric walked with me, and a clump of other friends. And I barely noticed the walk.

We got to the axe throwing place and stood around for about ten minutes while the person who organized it got things square away with the workers at the place. We all got a couple of coupons for drinks, I gave mine to Eric. He asked if I was sure, and I explained to him that everything stays in your stomach longer on the meds, which meant a lot of people report getting drunk faster because the alcohol gets more time to absorb. I wasn't taking that chance at a work function.

So we walked up another set of stairs to the axe throwing area. Then started throwing axes.

When we were about two-thirds done with the game I had a revelation.

We walked the walk, we stood around, we came up the stairs and then all of Axe Throwing was done standing up.

I hadn't sat down at all in at least an hour.

My back barely hurt.

Holy shit, I mean it started hurting a little bit at that point, but it was very manageable. I turned to Eric and told him this and he was so freaking happy for me, too. I was just... absolutely ecstatic. I felt good. I felt normal. I was just doing the same stuff as everyone else and was in so much less pain. At 290 pounds.

I did sit for awhile after that, when our round of axe throwing was over (and I did pretty great for a beginner!) I had a little of the lunch provided at the axe throwing place.

I treated myself to a mocha when a group of us went for coffee at our favorite local coffee place by the office on the way back, which added an extra two blocks to the walk, and had no problem getting back up the stairs to the office. With all the physical activity I still came in that night at the high end of range.

The entire day was just... such a win.

One of the other women approached me the next week when we talked on Teams and asked if I'd lost weight, I was so glad to tell her I had. I don't think most people noticed and that was fine. It'd already made all the difference to me.

---

So, let's digress to talk about side effects for a minute. I meant to do this earlier but never got to a point where it felt natural to fit it in unless I'd done it really early, and I didn't. So let's do it now.

TW here for bodily functions. I will put in a stronger warning when I get to anything really gross.

I have been extremely lucky, side effect wise.

Like I noted in the part where I talked about my very first shot, nausea can be an issue. Some unlucky people vomit on their first few shots. Most people say that after a couple of weeks this subsides and it did for me. A touch of nausea right after I take a shot can still happen but it's just a tiny thing and most of the time doesn't happen at all. Usually I try to get in a touch of food before I take my shot, a banana or a few swallows of a protein shake and that cools it, for morning shots.

Some people report fatigue, or dizziness, I haven't experienced this. (TW gross) Some people also report diarrhea, and that isn't an issue for me either.

On the subreddits I see people blaming every tiny little thing they notice about their bodies on the medication and uhh... I mean... look i'm not going to say people aren't experiencing things, they are, but also like, just because you experience something weird that doesn't mean it's because of the medication, you know? But who knows. What I'm saying is, if you look for the side effects, you might see people reporting some wild things but take them with a grain of salt if they're not listed as official possible side effects.

For me, aside from the nausea there's been two main side effect things.

TW for gross for both of them.

First, this is something I think just about everyone has to deal with: constipation. Definitely an issue my first couple of weeks until I learned what I needed to adjust and now it almost never is.

You just need to drink A LOT OF WATER on the medication. I try to drink two 40oz mugs of water a day. Of course there's ice in there so it's probably more like 70oz. Some people say you need to drink ounces equal half your body weight in water every day, but me starting out drinking... (does math) 172 ounces of water when I weighed 345 is actually ridiculous. So my goal is 80 - 100. I also count coffee, protein shakes etc. in there. I usually make close to that 100oz goal.

I've seen arguments for this each way but some people swear by doing a serving of electrolytes a day, too. It was considered the gospel truth when I started early this year, so I did it. And there's been a lot of arguments against it. The nutritionist I saw said it's not a bad idea so yeah. My first 40z mug has a scoop of pink lemonade flavored electrolyte powder (and I sweeten it a bit more with some Crystal Light). It works for me.

Also to battle this side effect I increased my fiber intake. I try to get 25g of fiber a day. about 10 of that comes from fiber gummies that I take every morning. Other than that I try to just keep track of it and get it in naturally in one way or another. If I feel I'm falling behind, I might throw a scoop of fiber powder, it's tasteless and I barely notice it, into my water mug.

And the third thing I do is take a magnesium supplement daily. This has, shall we say, softening properties and taking it daily also helps prevents the problem.

If it does turn into an issue, I have a chewable pill that I'll take at a time when I have a couple of hours where I don't have something else to do to help take care of it. But honestly it's been months since it's been an issue now that I have my routine down.

Second, again, tw gross, Gas can be a problem sometimes. This is the reason the nutritionist recommended a daily probiotic, to help digestion. Just once every week or two at this point, usually in the afternoon. So I just have Gas-X on hand and taking one usually quiets things down in a half hour or less.

And hey I wouldn't really call this a side effect, but this winter I've been SO MUCH COLDER. Because I have less insulation on my body. I'll take it.

Again, some people have it MUCH MUCH worse than I do, but also most people have it mild like I do, most people do have to deal with that first big thing I mentioned, and some have no side effects at all. I will happily, happily take these mild side effects over the weight, any day.

---

I will say there's one other side effect, but it's not a side effect of the medication but a side effect of pretty rapid weight loss.

Hair shedding. My hair had already been thinning from age/approaching menopause but I think the rapid weight loss is speeding that along. I used to have like, annoyingly thick hair. It's visibly less thick now, almost getting to noticeably thin. I've started adding in a recommended supplement to this and may start woman's Rogaine soon. I've been assured by my doctor and armchair experts on the internet that when you get to a steadier weight that this should stabilize and maybe even regrow, so I'm crossing my fingers for that to happen.

I've also done some things like stopped wearing my hair in ponytails almost always, got a haircut so it's not so long it's pulling itself down, and let it air dry instead of messing with it a lot. I make sure to eat a variety of food every day, fruits, vegetables and still getting in 100 - 130 grams of protein, it's not really a malnutrition issue, just... this is what happens.

Less hair won't kill me, the weight might, so I'll take the hair thinning if it means living past 60.

---

Y'all know what my summer and most of the fall were like. Near-endless days of home improvement. Although I work from home, and not every day work was happening around me, almost every day I was doing SOMETHING for my house myself.

Like I said earlier, this kept my physical activity pretty high all summer and most of the fall most days.

Decluttering was a huge thing. Again, it wasn't like my house was scary cluttered or anything near hoarder levels but when you live somewhere for 21 years stuff just accumulates.

Every room got sorted through, it took a couple of months but every cabinet was pulled out and emptied, then put back together. Bags and bags of stuff got thrown out, or donated, or given away. Some of it is still sitting in the garage.

Speaking of the garage, that was one of the first projects. It had gotten, okay THAT was getting near hoarder levels of messy. It desperately had needed a cleanout for at least a decade.

And it mostly got it. There's still some corners to tackle, and like I said stuff that still needs to GO, but it was the biggest cleanout project and it happened.

TBH, it happened a little TOO fast. And in July when it was 100 degrees outside. I let myself get dehydrated and ended up in the Heart-Specific ER one morning with palpatations. Both the attending and my cardiologist scolded me, and told me to not work so hard and stay hydrated better. So I did better, but also still need to do more out there. It's okay, just could be better. If my friend would come get the rest of the stuff out he says he's going to take, I could finish easier. :p

But the point here is, my physical activity started going way up. And it was so much easier to go up with 55... 60.. 70 pounds gone.

---

Looking back through LoseIt I'm surprised to see I didn't cancel Dinnerly until June. I'd pretty early on started splitting the 2 meal plan into 3 meals so it was honestly pretty economical, but also after awhile I wanted to control my calories even more. By mid-summer I had adjusted my daily calorie goal all the way down to 1200 - 1300 calories a day, and I was happy with it. Maybe I'd go over one or two days a week up to 1400 but it was fine. I could easily stay in that range and feel full and content all day.

I also noticed by like the end of August that I'd substituted too many meals for either protein shakes and/or protein bars. Quest and Barebells bars plus Fairlife Protein Shakes would often compromise like 2/3rds of my calories on any given day. It was just so much easier to grab a shake or bar to make sure I was meeting my daily goals instead of eating a variety of real food.

I stopped with protein powder drinks in milk in the morning and started limiting myself to one 42 gram protein shake a day (240 calories) and only having a protein bar a few times a week. I needed to be better about eating real food instead of just easy food.

But in my own defense, I was so busy and stressed in all the chaos in so many days, that it was just the easiest way to get through the day, especially on the days when my kitchen was all torn apart or Arturo's guys were working to the early evening in the house. (Their choice, not mine.)

---

What I eat has gone through a lot of evolution, too. Sometimes I'll find a New Thing that I get excited about and eat a lot of. Some things just become staples for awhile, some things I try and discard.

Like there are 100 calorie Yasso Frozen Yogurt bars which are all delicious, have a little more protein than you'd expect and hey, I freaking LOVE ice cream, so from late spring until late fall I had one almost every night. That would go into LoseIt early in the morning to make sure the calories were saved. Now that it's winter I'm not as keen on eating ice cream, and have instead been having a square or two of dark chocolate as my evening treat.

I've also been experimenting with sugar substitutes and right now I'm all about Monkfruit products. Been trying a lot of things from this company Lakanto and some of their stuff has just been okay and others have been pretty amazing. They have M&M substitutes and mint truffles which are fantastic. They also have hot cocoa (or chocolate milk) powder which is good but needs a bit more flavor, so I've been adding Sweet Drops (which are made with Stevia) to supplement it. I split my one Protein shake between half using it for milk in my morning coffee (I went back to regular hot coffee now that it's cold, when it gets warmer I'll start back up with cold brew) and use the other half for a hot chocolate at night.

I bought some brownie mix from Lakanto that uses coconut oil instead of regular for low-calorie brownies and I might make that this afternoon to see how they are.

I eat a lot more fruit these days. I almost always have bananas, apples, Cutie/Halo mandarin oranges, and some strawberries or blueberries on hand.

Overnight Oats have become a new favorite, and I found a recipe for Apple Pie overnight oats and I use sugar free syrup, nonfat vanilla greek yogurt and chia seeds in it along with fresh apples and it's like a healthy dessert for a meal.

NFVGY has become another favorite, sometimes I just have a cup of it with some sugar free caramel syrup and possibly some chocolate and/or banana chopped up in it... delicious.

There's also some protein powder that's more juicy flavors by a company called Syntax that I love, when I need a little more protein and really can't eat more and don't want a thick milk, I have the fuzzy navel flavor right now and it's amazing.

Skinny Girl is another company whose products I've become a huge fan of, their salad dressings and popcorn especially.

Barilla has some delicious high-protein pasta that I truly can't taste the difference of, especially when mixed with pasta sauce. It's made with chickpea and pea protein, and it's great.

Mission has low carb, high protein, low calorie tortillas that I also truly can't taste the difference of, I eat a lot of wraps and tacos with those.

I've also just found that seasoning my food more helps a ton. I've bought a ton of McCormick and similar spice mixes, and plenty of regular spices and everything gets spiced and flavored better before adding any kind of sauce.

Also I got an Aerogarden for myself at Christmas and have started growing some fresh herbs, excited to try them when they start coming in.

I keep a couple of Lean Cuisine and Healthy Choice meals in the freezer for those "I really do not feel like thinking about what I eat but I want something hot" meals. I don't like eating them often, I'd rather make something fresh, but they work in a pinch. The HC Cafe Steamers are pretty great, and LC has a Maple Bourbon Chicken meal that is honestly delicious.

I've generally started eating a lot more turkey products in place of beef, but I'll still do beef on occasion. This week i made a delicious beef stew that I'm about to go have the final serving of. But Jennie-O and Butterball are two of my new best friends.

Damn I want some turkey bacon now. Maybe for dinner. Jimmy Dean Turkey Sausage is my breakfast food when I'm out of bananas.

Dave's Killer Bread has replaced my regular bread whenever I can find it. Sometimes a sandwich is just fine, thanks. Especially for "UUUUUUUUGGGGGH I have to eat HOW MANY more calories today!?!" days.

I also bought a food dehydrator a couple of months ago AND I LOVE IT. I've started making my own jerky... but especially dried fruit. Especially apples and oranges.

Y'all.. slice up an apple (or four) really thin, mix it with some lemon juice and pumpkin spice and dehydrate... it's better than candy. They are like CRACK to me. I can't stop making them and can't stop eating them. I mean I can stop, I just don't want to. They're the closest thing I have to a food I binge on now. And if I eat a little too much, I mean, it's a hell of a lot better to eat too many slices of apple than potato chips.

---

Oh my GOD am I still not done with this post? I'm not. And there's still a lot more I want to say.

Look I'm just going to end this here and will make a part three. What? Annakie making several very lengthy posts in a series? WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED?!?! Sorry not sorry y'all.

PART THREE HERE

[rainyfestivalsweets]

3/16/25

189.9

I am sighing in relief as the terrible bloating I have been experiencing dissipates. The doctor says I am going thru perimenopause, but that is a huge weight fluctuation and is very uncomfortable.

Uncomff.

I am done with my class and I gave myself a day to fuck off. I am going to get to chores now, my house is a pit of despair.

To everyone out there.... this is a long process. This is the first time in my life I have had a smidgen of success. The only way I am getting thru is literally to keep resetting.

I am now the weight that most people start at. But it doesn't matter, I am just going to keep moving forward and not give up.

Focusing on health, happiness and balance.

I am so proud of myself for not going ham on the cake last night and not allowing a metric ton to come home with me. I don't know why I did not grow up with a capacity for moderation. It seems weird to be learning moderation in my 40's. But I am going to keep working on it.

It's ok to have cake.... just not the whole cake. It's ok to have a little bit. The party should be more about people and presence than food.

I am giving myself grace and compassion ✨️ for all my flaws and working on moving forward.

You were doing the best you can. Keep working on it 💪 you deserve a healthy life ✨️ and love ❤️ and compassion and grace. You are not a total screw up.

There were 2 birthdays 🎂 I started with 1 piece of cake and 1 piece of the cookie cake. There was a big emergency so I stayed longer than planned. When I got hungry again, I had cool ranch doritos (my favorite), some queso potato chips (to try), an apple, & another piece of the cookie cake.

I took a shot of ACV to get the taste of sweet out of my mouth. I took 1 piece of each home for mom. All these things are wins. This is a lot of yapping to say to all the folks with a higher starting weight..... you got this. You will learn from mistakes. Just keep going. You deserve the life you are dreaming of- playing with your kids, not getting winded on the stairs, maybe even a bikini or flattering swimsuit. You are greater than your obstacles. You deserve to love yourself enough to do better. Things will turn around. The process may be longer than social media would have you think but it doesn't matter, the time will pass anyway.

In my 30's at one of these birthday parties in March, I was 317 pounds and miserable. I couldn't imagine living another 10 years. I feel so much better. Take care of yourself. Go for walks. You are worthy of love & self-love

[selencgraphy]

— 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐔𝐀𝐆𝐄𝐒

prompt drabble series - nonverbal ways to say ‘i love you’

6 - open arms, ready for a hug

prompts from promptingyou

PAIRING: russell shaw x younger sister!reader

TAGS: reader is a shaw sibling (middle child) and helps colter here and there, tracker 2x2 plot, sibling banter, fluff

A/N: i’m not well-versed in tracker lore (i’ve only seen the episodes jensen’s been in…) so don’t expect it to be 100% accurate characterization, albeit a lot of what i write is just my brain’s characterization of them whether that’s lore accurate or not lol. anyways, i digress. happy reading <3

WORD COUNT: 317

masterlist || request box <3

You knew what your younger brother did for a living, but it wasn’t like him to just disappear off the face of the earth. Even if he was busy, he’d respond to your texts and calls at least a day later. The same couldn’t be said for your older brother, but you loved them both the same. When Reenie called saying she couldn’t get a hold of either of them, it didn’t take you long to pick up their, albeit elusive, bread crumb trail. 

Guns drawn at the vehicle that had pulled up on them, you shook your head at the sight. As you opened the driver’s side door, you yelled out. “Thought we banned Nerf gun wars, guys.”

Colter was the first to lower his gun. “Y/N?”

“You boys just don’t know how to stay out of trouble, do ya?” Your younger brother chuckled as he tucked his gun away before walking over to you and pulling you into a big hug.

“S’good to see ya.”

“S’good to see you, too, Colt.” When you let him go, you looked over to your older brother. It’d been a couple years since you’d seen him last. His hair was a bit scruffier, but he still had that look on his face—the loss of tension in his expression and softening of his gaze at the sight of his family all together again. As he registered the look in your eyes, he opened his arms. You practically ran over to him and threw your arms around him.

“Hey, kid,” he mumbled against your shoulder.

“Where was that enthusiasm for me?” Colter complained from behind you two. When you let go, you turned to your younger brother.

“I saw you like last week. I haven’t seen this asshole in like ages.”

Russ shoved your shoulder at the insult. “Who you callin’ an asshole?”

“You” — you say, shoving him back with a smile — “asshole.”

[kyuushi]

This post is long overdue but I figured better late than never!

There's a way to read Kyuushi in Japanese online and for free legally, something that was previously only possible during limited-time events. You can't immediately gain access to all 323 chapters so don't get too excited but it's still pretty cool. There's a (long) guide on how the site works below the cut!

A few months ago, Akita Shoten, the publisher of Weekly Shonen Champion, the magazine Kyuushi runs in, launched their Champion Cross site. This site allows users to read manga for FREE, legally!

To participate, you can make an account here. You're able to connect a Google or Twitter account, so it's quite easy. If you do use a Google account like I did, the site just asks for a username (it has to be unique, if someone is already using it, you'll have to pick something else) your gender (prefer not to say, male, female, or neither), and year of birth.

Then you just lie about reading the privacy policy by checking the box at the bottom and you're good to go!

If you don't want to connect an existing account, you'll need to supply your email and a password as you normally do when signing up for a new site.

Of course, as with most free things, there is a catch... or kind of several catches 😂 You must collect tickets (すぐ無料チケット) to unlock most chapters.

You get some for signing up, completing "missions," and using your daily free gacha attempt. The gacha can only give you 0, 1, or 2 tickets. If you want to retry the gacha, you can earn another chance by sharing your result to Twitter...

aka you just let it open the new tab but don't actually hit the tweet button lol. Just keep in mind that the second number you get overwrites the first.

You can then head on over to Kyuushi's page (remember to hit the star ⭐ to add it to your favorites!) and pick which chapters you'd like to unlock using your tickets, 1 ticket per chapter. You also unlock the ability to read 1 chapter every 23 hours (the 待つと無料/wait and it's free option). When I made a new account I was immediately able to use this free chapter read!

The first time I used a ticket to unlock ("rent") a chapter, I got a popup asking me to confirm my email address. Not sure if this will happen to everyone or just those who used a Google or Twitter account to sign up.

If this does happen, you'll just get an email with a link to click that verifies your account.

When you use a ticket to rent a chapter, the chapter becomes available to you for 15 days.

However, after reading a chapter with your daily free 待つと無料 option, you have only 3 days to go back and read before it gets locked again. The remaining time is shown to the right in gray. (Please admire Bikimi-chan's beauty in the chapter 317 preview.)

Remember to give the chapters a like!

It's important to note that tickets DO EXPIRE. You can check your ticket information by clicking the number as shown here.

Tickets from different sources have different expiration dates. Daily gacha tickets expire within the day (the expiry date & time is shown in red).

On the other hand, mission tickets last longer.

This section at the top of the page shows you the soonest upcoming expiry date:

At least per my testing, the site does seem to automatically use the tickets that expire earliest!

As of right now, there are 2 chapters that can only be read by using coins, which are a paid currency.

I'm afraid I won't be testing coins out... I've already bought Kyuushi volumes as ebooks, and I'm not a fan of how you seem to have to enter your card information directly into the site. Guess they don't accept PayPal or similar services? I'm not even sure if they'd accept foreign cards. If anyone has tried/tries this out, please let me know!

So basically, you can technically read all but 2 chapters of Kyuushi for free, but it does take time to gather tickets or simply wait to read a chapter per day, and you don't get permanent access to the chapters. It's not the most convenient or reliable resource but it's a legal way to support the series. During this extended hiatus, I think it's important to continue showing that Kyuushi has an active fanbase eager for more vampire fun! 🦇

Please feel free to reach out if you have any questions about the site. I did my best to test out the features and explain how they work but this was a whole lot of information to just dump on people so I'll understand if there's still some confusion. I also could have gotten something wrong so do let me know if you notice any issues.

[hamsteriffic]

Miraculous Fandom Stats

Ao3 Wrap Up 2023

I don’t know if anyone has done this, I hope I don’t step on anyone’s toes. Here a wrap up for 2023 for Miraculous Ladybug!

This study only assesses the fanfics posted by the last update, so if there was an older fic that was from 2021 that was updated in 2023, this would be captured by this study.

📈 The data presented here is a snapshot of the Fandom on: 05 Jan 2024

🖤 Works posted to Ao3 in 2023

In 2023 there were 10,515 fanfics posted (including crossovers and all languages). The median word count per fanfic was 2,268 words. In general, each fic received 5 comments, 561 hits and 36 kudos (median).

A majority of fanfics were not crossovers (Fig 1). The peak of Ao3 posts for Miraculous Ladybug was in 2021 with a total of 11,350 fanfics. Fanfics with crossovers have had a steady rise in popularity from 2018 with a peak of 2,609 in 2021.

Fig 1. A total number of fanfics posted to Ao3 in 2023 for the Miraculous Ladybug fandom without crossovers (blue line) and with crossovers (dotted line).

Note that this analysis will excludes crossovers (a separate analysis to come!).

Fig 2. Total number of completed fanfics (red) and incomplete fanfics (pink) posted to Ao3 in the Miraculous Ladybug fandom for 2023 (excluding crossovers).

Fig 3. Total number of words per fic published or updated in 2023. The median word count per fanfic in 2023 was 2,268 words.

The most frequently used tags for 2023 were (in descending order):

Fluff (1495)

Angst (1040)

Identity Reveal (982)

Aged-Up Characters (968)

Alternate Universe (732)

Hurt/Comfort (700)

Adrien Needs a Hug (510)

🏆 Highlights in 2023 include

Miraculous Ladybug Season 5 Finale, s05e26, Re-Creation (Part 2) (First Airdate: July 01, 2023) [2]

Ladybug & Cat Noir: The Movie (Released: July 05, 2023) [3]

Miraculous Paris Special (Preview Screening: October 15, 2023) [4]

🖤 Most Tagged Side of the Lovesquare in 2023

Fig 4. Percentage of fanfics tagged with different sides of the Lovesquare.

Note that these are only taking into account fics that use this tag. There may be fanfics that have sides of the Lovesquare that are not indicated. This analysis also includes tags for Marichat May, Ladrien July etc.

Adrinette (34.5%; 737 fics)

LadyNoir (32%; 677 fics)

MariChat (23.5%; 501 fics)

Ladrien (10%; 213 fics)

🖤 Top 10 Characters Pairings on Ao3 (excluding Lovesquare)

Alya/Nino (927 fics)

Luka/Marinette (734 fics)

Juleka/Rose (405 fics)

Nathaniel / Marc (337 fics)

Felix / Marinette (317 fics)

Gabriel / Nathalie (286 fics)

Adrien / Luka (269 fics)

Felix / Kagami (183 fics)

Adrien / Kagami (159 fics)

Kagami / Marinette (158 fics)

There was a large shift in a number of pairings, in particular there was a dramatic increase in the number of fics tagged with Felix Fathom / Kagami Tsurugi (see below the cut for Season 5 spoilers). Other notable mentions are also Marinette Dupain-Cheng / Zoe Lee with a 2.5 fold increase in fanfics posted in 2023 (63 in total) compared to 2022 (26 in total).

🖤 Conclusions

It’s been a big year, and one that is controversial in many ways. I was just curious to see if there’s a decrease in activity since the season 5 finale, but it looks like the fanfiction writing is going strong. But are fans tuning out? Or are we trying to create more fix-it fics? (I will delve into that in a different post, since this was quite labour intensive).

There have been some interesting changes in relationship tags as well as tags for Sentimonsters (below the cut).

Methodology, References and Season 5 Spoilers below the cut:

Warning: Season 5 spoilers below:

🖤 2023 was also the year Feligami became official

This has lead to a dramatic increase in fanfics for the power couple.

Fig 5. The total number of fanfics posted on Ao3 for Felix / Kagami, represented per month saw a dramatic increase since the release of Season 5 in 2023 (blue). In contrast, I have plotted the total number of fanfics per month 2022 (red).

💔 2023 was also when the sentimonster theory was confirmed

Fig 6. Fanfiction that have used tags for Sentimonsters since 2018. Note that this is not a cumulative plot and that the numbers are individual works from each year tagged for Sentimonster.

In 2023, there were 192 works that tagged for Sentimonster Adrien, and 95 for Sentimonster Felix and 34 for Sentimonster Kagami. Recent usage for the tag 'Adrien is not a Sentimonster' was also observed (21 cases).

Please don’t be mad at me. I’m just a stats hamster.

Methodology

Filtering

The analyses start from Sep 05, 2012 when the first promotional video (PV) for Miraculous Ladybug was publicly leaked [1].

Since the website is very active, the information may change as this data is best considered to be a snapshot of the fanfics posted at this point in time. Also note that the filter is also for last update, and not first posted, so that older fics may be captured in later datasets. But for the purposes of this study, I am assuming that if the author is updating, then they are still active in the fandom.

To get an idea on what was posted to Ao3 this year, I have filtered for last published date 01 Jan 2023 - 31 Dec 2023. Note that while there was only an option for selecting by Last Post Date, which meant that works originally posted earlier (pre-2023) would still be captured if it was updated within the bounds of these dates.

Furthermore, it is also possible to backdate works on Ao3 which may also give false results. However, it may be likely that if this did happen it would only be a small percentage of fanworks. As such the data is an approximation of fandom activity during 2023.

Relationship Tags

I have followed the Ao3 rules so that / are taken to mean romantic relations and & for platonic relationships. In this analysis, I have combined the numbers for Felix (PV), Felix Graham de Vanily and Felix Fathom.

References

[1] Miraculous PV (https://miraculousladybug.fandom.com/wiki/Ladybug_PV)

[2] Miraculous Ladybug Re-Creation (s05e25) World Premiere (Switzerland) (https://miraculousladybug.fandom.com/wiki/Re-creation_(The_Final_Day_-_Part_2)#google_vignette)

[3] Ladybug & Cat Noir: The Movie (https://m.imdb.com/title/tt10364034/releaseinfo/)

[4] Miraculous Paris Special (https://miraculousladybug.fandom.com/wiki/Miraculous_Paris)