#Over Time

[inbabylontheywept]

Weird Grandpa Story #2

I remember asking my mom once, if her dad had gotten ornerier as he'd gotten old. I'd heard about that happening, and it would've made sense for him. He was already the orneriest old cuss I'd ever met. Couldn't even imagine him being grumpier than he was.

Instead of answering the question directly, she told me about what it was like going to church with him as a kid. Their church was a small Mormon ward out in the sticks of Colorado, and he served as their Bishop - mostly by virtue of being the only one willing to do that much unpaid work. He was also the ward pianist. He actually liked playing piano, and he liked having an audience, so it was more or less understood that he was willing to be the bishop in exchange for being the pianist. 

Which could've been a good trade, but there were a few problems.

The first problem was that Grandpa Dale played every song at about triple speed. He was a deeply impatient person, and that extended to how he played music. The second problem was that he had a bad habit of cursing under his breath. That would've been a scandalous  enough habit for a Mormon bishop, but was made much worse (and also much funnier)  by him being pretty damn deaf. So what he thought of as "quiet" cursing under his breath was more of just a verse hoarse way of yelling. I only visited him for a week or two every summer, and I still learned most of my bad words from him. 

So every Sunday would start with a quiet prayer, and then Bishop Grandpa Dale would go to the piano, sit down, and play the nightcore version of Praise to the Man. He would occasionally play other hymns, but he really, really liked that one. This would continue until he hit a wrong note, which was basically inevitable because his music philosophy was that if he could play a song flawlessly, it was time to play it faster. So he'd play until he hit that wrong note, at which point he would scream-whisper SHIIIIIT and, because he did not actually read music so much as memorize it, the only way he'd be able to get his rhythm back was by going back to the start. 

If it was a good Sunday, he could get it in two tries. Some Sundays took as many as five. 

I learned two things about Grandpa Dale from this story. The first was that he could play piano. I'd never actually seen him do that before. Still haven't, come to think of it. Second was that the man that I visited once a year, who always seemed on the verge of exploding, who scared the absolute dickens out of me, was actually the chilled out version of the man my mom grew up with.

And it helped knowing that, actually. I'm actually a pretty anxious person, and my mom is, also, a pretty anxious person, and as a teenager we'd sometimes get in these doom loops where we'd wind each other up until our springs cracked. She'd be worried about me growing up to be happy, and I'd be worried about letting her down, and my worrying would make me unhappy, and my unhappiness would make her unhappy, and we'd just kind of dissolve into these anxieties like cotton candy in the sea and become totally unbearable to be around for a bit. Then my dad would sit us both down and very politely tell us that we were being crazy. He had this quote how being sad that someone else is sad that you're sad is the emotional equivalent of being a Klein flask and that at some point you have to just say I am allowed one (1) single layer of emotional recursion, at most, and ideally zero. 

And it was always kind of embarrassing and silly, but when I was tempted to be more upset with my mom about it, I could remember the piano story and go: Sheesh. She has more of a right to be anxious that I do. For me it's really just genetics, but she grew up with the Cactus-Killing Gopher-Smasher. A whole 18 years of that. I spent two weeks every summer with that guy, and I love him, but I always came home feeling like I'd survived something. She's a trooper.

[xnatiix]

ngl kinda simp

Game: OVER TIME by turnip_liker

[frownyalfred]

My bestie hates BvS, so much that even if I suggest that there are good bits they'd enjoy, they just make a whine noise so I back down. Are there any arguments to coax them to at least try it, or, should I just accept watching it alone, taking the bad with the good?

It’s hard to change someone’s mind on bad movies or what they think are bad movies. Sometimes we double down just to make our friends miserable 🤣

My advice? Ask them to watch it just to mock it with you. Buy into their haranguing about certain scenes or choices. And then slip in a little “you know, this scene was actually weirdly good” every now and then to see if they’ll bite. “I know this part is terrible but…”

[tw1nkee28]

M mars and Saturn,,,, mar s ,,,, statirn,,,

Me and @duskmidnight7331's characters, Mars and Saturn, they hurt me so much

Please euthanize me

[sanjarka]

I saw your post about the modern everlark high school AU and got excited bc I thought you really had a ff like that :c are you planning on writing it? ^.^

oh i am writing it, it's just going very very slow and (sorry if it's disappointing 😭) the high school is just the first part of it. it's more college au and then it goes further than that too. i sort of wanted to write it all and then publish but it's honestly a mess so maybe i'll just make it a bunch of one shots instead of a multi chapter fic. thanks for the ask 🌷🌷🌷

[pagan-stitches]

Including a shorty and OT goal for the win!!!

[gunnrblze]

Walker brothers moodboard

[whitecherrylavender]

Fuck.

[dreamyblanket]

Hi Dreamy! I just wanted to ask, but do you have a masterlist or would you ever create one? I’m new and your dragon y/n talk has intrigued me but I can’t find any posts or stories without scrolling for a while 😅 though that could be because I’m stuck on mobile

I don’t mean to be rude! Make sure to drink plenty of water! ❤️❤️

Totally valid question, tbh I completely forgot about masterlists but I'll start one when I start posting y/n stuff again. It'll take me a while to add all my old stuff to it though ^^u

However! As a fellow mobile user there is an annoying work around!

If your trying to find dragon y/n then if you scroll to a post with dragon y/n and click the tag it'll pull up all posts with the same tag on my blog. That's what's allways worked for me but I know it's annoying.

And thank you for the water reminder ♡

[2022dirt]

Bunnies have crossed this fence so many times there is now a perfect groove.

[waitmyturtles]

Your post about your upcoming Bad Buddy meta got me thinking about Bad Buddy (again), and I remembered one particular thing that had an impact. Apologies if this is long and rather incoherent, I wrote this past midnight.

In the final episode, the part where we see Ming and Dissaya turn a blind eye to Pat Pran's shenanigans really struck a chord with me.

[I'm an Indian, born and raised, and queer, but it's well worth mentioning that my experiences are not universal- in fact, they may be the exception rather than the rule; I'm not quite sure.]

What it reminded me of was, that asian parents tend to come around eventually- in particular mothers. We've seen time and time again in series' that deal with difficult/not accepting family members; Bad Buddy, GAP, Wedding Plan, maybe even Double Savage (haven't watched this one but I believe the dad feels bad in the end?), that even if the parental figure(s) doesn't agree with their children's choices, they learn to compromise. Because the difference in opinions isn't worth losing their children over. Obviously, for every parental figure that comes around there's one that the children cut ties with (Wedding Plan remains a good example), but I think it's something worth seeing.

It made me think of how I was never scared of coming out to my mother, because I knew that, despite the difference in views, and her prejudice, she'd accept me, no matter whether she thought it was a phase or not.

Do I know what the point of this ask is? Not really, I was rather nervous sending this ask, especially not on anon, but I'd love to know what you think of this, since I've come to really enjoy reading the thoughts you have on these shows.

Ohhhh, wow. @starryalpacasstuff, come 'ere for a big mom hug! HUGE HUGS!

I'm gonna unwind a little randomly; I hope this is coherent. A ton of what I write about on my blog vis à vis Asian dramas are the unique characteristics of Asian families and an Asian upbringing. Parental conditional love, competitiveness, our unique experiences with intergenerational trauma. I write a lot about how Asians, in our cultural expectations of life, accept pain and suffering as an assumed part of our existences. The reason why I watch Asian dramas exclusively is that, as I'm Asian-American, I just connect far more easily to the Asian cultural experience of growing from a child into an Asian adult, than I do the experience of white Western folks growing into their adulthood. I grew up intimately with Asian cultural practices and expectations; but I also grew up with racism in my external American world, and came to my adulthood in a society that still values white Americans above all other demographics.

But one thing I'm cognizant of, that I don't think I write about enough, is that many of these characteristics of the Asian cultural scopes of life are indeed similar to those that a fully American person (for example) might experience. It's not like intergenerational trauma doesn't exist in the West. It's not like homophobia in families against a child doesn't exist in the West.

However. As an Asian-American, one thing I note about many (not all, of course) Western families and family systems is that very often: Western adults will give up their agency to be loyal to what I might call a "higher power" -- a philosophy, a political preference, a religion. If a queer person wants to come out in a conservative American family, that queer person may very well be risking cutting permanent ties with their family.

That, of course, also happens in our Asian family systems. But I think you're onto something, @starryalpacasstuff. While divorce rates are sky-high in the West -- there is also a paradigm of family systems being and looking different in the West than they do in Asia. Asian family systems still don't accommodate for divorce and blended or chosen families as they do in the West.

The Asian family systems and paradigms that you and I grew up with as Indians absolutely still value a heterosexual two-parent household -- and I'd posit that our past generations, our grandparents and great-grandparents, put HUGE, HUGE pressure on our parents to keep the two-parent family systems together and whole. And to keep the children close. It's a huge value in our Asian cultures to have whole and complete families. The West has become far more accommodating, culturally, on this issue.

And, so. I totally agree with you, @starryalpacasstuff. I think we do see the beginning of a coming-around on the parts of Ming and Dissaya. And that coming-around is certainly something we can relate to. Our parents will likely accept us for our differences. I fucked a lot of shit up with my folks when I decided to live independently of their desires -- and I don't think things really healed (and I still carry tremendous traumatic baggage) until after I had my own kids, and expanded all of our families. Because in the end, the value in our Asian cultures is that keeping the family complete and close still matters more than any one's individual biases or desires.

Ming and Dissaya are remarkably traumatized people. Ming was traumatized by the expectations of his father. He screwed Dissaya over, and literally handed his trauma to Pat on a silver platter, for Pat to embody for most of his life. And Pat flipped that platter over in his father's face and ran away. Ming, at the end of the series, is passive-aggressive with Pat, despite Pat's efforts to try to work with him. And yet -- Ming still sips Pran's scotch.

To your point -- does time heal everything? I'm not so sure in the West, with the Western predilection for Christian/Puritanical/conservative values to supersede reasonable family resolutions. But I think, because of the value that Asian systems put on having complete families, that you are right -- that there may be more room in Asian family systems for eventual acceptance of a child's "differences," despite us living in collectivist societies. This is definitely not an absolute. There are environments in which it's still dangerous to come out. But the value that Asians put on family does indeed give us a tiny bit of comfort that our cultures can move the needle on acceptance in different ways over time.

[thecoalescesyndicate]

lowk random post but i think sometimes people forget your sexuality, gender, etc, can change w/ time? like we were a lesbian at one point and just because we like guys now doesnt mean we were never a lesbian? it doesnt mean we were just confused? like ive noticed that people tend to find a label and think thats the like be all end all iykwim? (not saying it cant be, more so just dont be afraid if it isnt) so heres a reminder that your identity CAN and WILL (probably) change! not even necessarily in a fluid way, it just can

-blurry/aster/gemfusion cassiel+aster(?)

[lymphomalass]

I know some people struggle with apprehensions and worries, especially on a Sunday or Monday. It's often the most natural thing in the world, with all that we face. So today I just wanted to share something that helps me. Through all kinds of difficulties, including blood cancer, five broken vertebrae and being a Covid supershielder, I've found that if I take a long enough perspective and have some patience, things do work out ok. We used to enjoy going to Rome every year. Steve and I love ancient history and art (the latter's a bit obvious, given I'm an artist, hey!) and we were privileged to married in Rome at the Pantheon. I've used one of my photos of its ceiling in my image below, including the massive hole in the middle of it, letting in the weather whether it be rain, snow or sunlight. Since the pandemic, it's taken five years to get my consultant's blessing to return and to actually get the flights and hotel booked, but this month we did it! Often, in my experience, patience is rewarded! Hope you have a good week! Sam aka LymphomaLass xx

[bokvshou]

happy haino anniversary! 🌱⚖️

happy anniversary to the genshin ship that messed with my brain chemistry, (i hope tumblr is kinder to the audio of my video than twitter).

[especia-va-bien]

ESPECIA | Over Time (Lead Vocal: Erika Mori)