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ghostchems · 6 months ago

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infernal - terzo x f!reader - part eight

art by @piaart !!!

author’s note: 18+! mdni! it's been months!! it's scary posting this ahhh!! hope you guys enjoy it, tho ;) part one/two/three/four/five/six/seven. ao3 link.

The floorboard creaks beneath your feet, shifting your weight as your eyes adjust to the darkness. Worn candles are lit along the floor, guiding you to the basement. You’re in Terzo’s foyer but have no memory of driving here, of even entering his house. Something carries you forward, floating to the door that creaks further open the closer you get. Is he down there? Does he need help with something? You try to think, to remember any kind of detail but there’s nothing you can grasp. The door swings open wide now, a red fog beginning to roll across the foyer’s carpet.

Something’s wrong.

A crash comes from down the stairs, discordant piano cords ringing in your ears. You want to run, torn between away and down to see if he was okay. But all you can do is take measured steps, your hand gripping the rail to keep you steady as you descend. There’s a dim red glow in the center of the room, unable to make it out from the ever thickening fog. A jaunty tune fills the room as if to guide you along. It’s becoming clear that Terzo isn’t here — he would have made his half-dressed self known by now. You walk toward the light, your body only allowing calm steps while your heart thunders in your chest.

The tip of your foot hits something and the whole room clears of fog, leaving you in front of a piano. Your heart clenches, a chill traveling up your spine as you take in it’s appearance: painted bright red with intricate wood carved decorations in black. The same as the rotary phone. You reach for it, fingertips drifting along the smooth wood. It’s warm to the touch. You try to will yourself away but you’re stuck, your feet glued to the floor and your eyes unable to look at anything else.

Your breath catches as your fingers drift down to the keyboard cover, an overwhelming urge to press the keys taking hold. Just has you reach it, it snaps open on it’s own, a claw wrenching from beneath it and catching you by the wrist. A scream rips from your throat, your body finally responding to the danger, lurching back but you’re caught. The tips of the claws are golden, the rest of it scaly and black, burning your skin. It tears into your wrist, blood spilling from the wound as it nearly rips your hand clean off.

“PAPA!” You scream as you wake, lunging forward in your bed. Sheets and blankets are twisted around your limbs, trembling and breathing heavily as you realize where you are.

It was a dream.

The day is a blur. You find yourself unable to focus on one thing for very long until your mind wanders. To him. To your time together. How he touched you. Then your nightmare. How the claw that grabbed you resembled his gloves, the ones he wore when he forced you to drink, when he kissed you so hard that you saw stars. More often than not you find yourself with your head in your hands, wondering how you let yourself get into this mess. You hooked up with your obviously unwell boss.

But you liked him.

You’re really in it now, aren’t you?

“You know, you could have let him know you aren’t interested anymore,” Catherine says pointedly. Your gaze falls to her, eyes wide and your eyebrows raised. Oh, that’s right. You’re out to dinner.

“I… I’m sorry, I really am… I’ll shoot him a text.” You murmur and take out your phone, only to see a message from Terzo. “The last few days have been a blur…” Voice trails off as you open the message.

You've plagued my thoughts since yesterday... I can still taste you on my tongue. Come to me soon, ‘fetta. I need you again.

Your phone drops from your shaky hand.

“Dude, what is going on with you? You’ve looked like a ghost this entire time,” Erica snaps, frustration in her voice but the concern in her eyes is real. Your head falls into your hands, shaking it slowly. No, no — you shouldn’t tell them, should you? Lifting your head, you see the concern in both of their eyes and know you can’t keep it from them.

“I… hooked up with my boss.”

Silence falls over the table. A fry falls out of Catherine’s mouth. It’s unbearable. You feel embarrassed, you want to curl up and disappear into thin air and leave them to have a normal dinner without you.

“Well, are you going to tell us what it was like or are you just going to sit there looking crazy?” Erica finally asks, leaning forward with her elbows on the table. Catherine mirrors her position, both of them waiting with bated breath for you to spill the details. You feel your face heat up but you are actually able to smile.

“He kissed me… on Thursday before the date,” you pause after Catherine gasps, “he thought I was dressed nicely for him. It was… awkward to tell him I was going on a date. There’s been tension this whole time, I think. But the kiss was good. Not to be weird about your brother, but he uh… he’s not a very good kisser.”

“Gross,” Catherine grimaces.

“Sorry. He wasn’t really what I thought he was.”

“I could have told you back. So was… Terzo, right? Was he upset about the date?”

You drum your fingers on the table, thinking on how to answer. There are some things you shouldn’t go into details on. “He wasn’t happy, that’s for sure. Gave me the cold shoulder for most of Friday but… then we made out. And Saturday morning, we…”

Erica looks like she’s going to jump out of her seat, like this is the most exciting thing she’s ever heard. “Oh my god. Is he packing? He was in a band, right? Usually that means… you know.”

“I… I mean… Okay, this doesn’t leave this table.” Your voice drops and the both of them lean in to be able to hear. “We haven’t had sex yet but he fingered me and I thought I was going to lose my mind from how crazy it felt.”

They’re squealing now and you laugh, feeling at ease and normal. Just a chat amongst gals. This is what people do, right? The back of your mind buzzes despite the anxiety that bubbles just below the surface. You’ve made it this far in this new world but tomorrow you were due back to his house for work.

Dinner ends with warm hugs and words of encouragement from your friends — along with playful threats about what they'll do to Terzo if he hurts you. A weak smile spread across your face. Deep down, you know he’s capable of things you don't fully understand.

You drive home in silence. Both hands on your steering wheel, eyes ahead and focused while your mind wanders. Seeing your friends was good for you. A reminder that there’s more to life than just him despite how all encompassing he feels, even when he’s not around.

*****

You let your bag drop to the ground, slinging it from your shoulders as you enter his foyer. Sunlight spills through the stained glass windows, illuminating the room. There’s no fog, no candles burnt all the way down to the floor and no piano music. Nothing like the nightmare you had. You clear your throat and lean over to your bag, unzipping it to pull out your laptop.

Twinkling sounds floats through the floorboards causing you to freeze.

Piano.

The color drains from your face as you drop your bag, your laptop with it. Terzp doesn’t have a piano. The thought repeats in your mind over and over again. You nearly trip over your feet as you make your way to the basement door, open just a smidge. It swings open with ease just as the playing picks up again, light and dainty. Hesitating for a moment at the top of the stairs you recognize the song - Your Mother Should Know. It’s been years since you’ve even thought of it but it’s unmistakable. You half expect to find Terzo in all-white and a tailcoat.

It’s a pleasant thought but you’re expecting the worst. Your nightmare. Is there a creature in the basement? One with scaly, sharp claws? Did it get Terzo?

Your steps quicken, nearly running down the stairs. He has to be here, nothing could ever happen to him, right? Your vision is blurring from how shaken you are, your legs like jelly as you force yourself down until you reach the bottom of the stairs. Your heart nearly stops. The piano that wasn't there before but appeared in your dream, is in the center of the room. Black and red. Shiny. Just like that phone—manifesting out of nowhere, as if conjured. Did you dream of it’s arrival? Are you the one that brought it here?

You must be losing your damn mind.

“‘Fetta?”

Your eyes dart to him, startled by his voice to find him seated at the piano bench. Your breath catches at the sight of him. He slowly stands and he’s in an immaculate white suit adorned with delicate golden details with a matching vest completing the ensemble. He Is. You’ve watched the music video (more than once) but seeing him wear it is a whole new feeling. All he’s missing is the tailcoat. The pristine white fabric seems to make his face paint and mismatched eyes sharper. With a serious look, he moves swiftly toward you, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you tightly against him in an embrace.

"I was worried you wouldn't come back," he gasps against your hair, his voice thick with emotion.

“What?” You manage a chuckle, finally feeling like you can breathe again. “We’ve been flirting through text all weekend.” The piano has already faded from the forefront of your mind, swept up in him and only him.

Terzo’s arms squeeze around you, and he lets out a sigh against your neck. "I thought maybe you'd change your mind," he confesses softly. "That maybe the weekend gave you time to think better of it." He pulls back just enough to look into your eyes, his expression vulnerable.

You're speechless. All your earlier fears dissolve as you realize he'd been wrestling with the same doubts. Before you can respond, his lips find yours in a tender kiss that quickly deepens with need. His hands slide up to cradle your face as he kisses you like he's been starving for it, like those two nights apart were an eternity. You melt against him, your knees going weak as he steals the air from your lungs. The world narrows until there's nothing but the press of his lips, the warmth of his hands on your face, and the thundering of your heart in your chest. Your eyes slowly open, the piano catching your gaze again.

“Where did this come from?” You whisper against his lips. Terzo leans back but his large, gloved hands stay on your cheeks, thumbs stroking the delicate skin beneath your tired eyes. Both of you shift your gaze to the grand piano.

“It’s a gift… eh, from a former bandmate.” Not exactly a lie. The truth is it appeared in the basement with a thunderous explosion of keys after he avoided the hell phone for a full night. “I like to noodle, you know.” He’s slipped into his charismatic self, lips curled into an easy smile as he presses his forehead to yours.

Concerns about the piano fade and to be honest, it’s impossible to focus on anything other than him when he’s like this. Terzo’s nose brushes against yours, his gaze expectant and intense. You find yourself kissing him this time, your fingers drifting up the golden details of his jacket. His hands slide down to your waist, pulling you flush against him with a soft rumble that makes you shiver.

You break away reluctantly, breathing hard. "The contractor's coming any minute," you whisper against his lips.

Terzo groans, throwing his head back in dismay. "What are they doing todaaay? Don’t they know that… ehhh, that I’ve spent two lonely evenings without you?” He whines as his lower lip juts out in an exaggerated pout. You slip free of his grasp and start for the stairs.

"They’re working on the porch, Terzo. Don’t you want a nice swinging bench to lounge on?" You stop midway to let him catch up with you.

"Only if you're there with me," he purrs, stalking behind you. He nearly grabs you again but you manage to wriggle just out of reach. A knock at the door makes you both jump apart, and Terzo lets out another dramatic groan.

"I'm making coffee," he grumbles before hurrying you up the stairs with a playful pat to your backside. Reaching the top, you watch him disappear into the kitchen as you run your trembling fingers through your hair with an unsteady sigh. He’s gotten you a tad worked up. A quiet, more urgent knock jobs your memory of the contractor. You put on your most friendly face despite your rosy cheeks and greet them.

Terzo pushes the button to start the drip as he listens for you. As soon as he hears the front door creak shut he is slinking to the foyer. Your faint voice mingles with the contractor’s, bright and friendly. He holds his breath, taking careful steps until he’s at the stained glass window beside the door. Your figure is blurred through the glass but he still cannot look away, transfixed on you and the way you interact. The last two nights were torture — yes, the both of you texted but he yearned to hear, feel and see you again.

He wasn’t going to let you out of his sight, not for a moment.

His hip bumps the entryway table as he tries to get a good view, knocking a few things off of it. Growling, he leans down to clean up only to come face to face with his severed head. Anger sears through him as he snatches up the magazine, his tight grip crinkling the pages. His other hand traces the jagged scar along his neck as bile rises in his throat. The photoshoot had been out of sight out of mind for a while now, his focus solely on you, but just seeing his father and the Cardinals taunting him again sets something alight inside.

“What are you doing?”

Terzo spins around quickly, shoving the magazine back onto the table with a barely contained rage that turns into something else at the sight of you. Your cheeks are rosy just from the look he gave you, your eyes wide and eyebrows raised in surprise. He was caught, so why not confess.

“I like to watch you, mio toppolino,” he purrs, slinking closer to you. “Shouldn’t be much of a surprise at this point, eh?” The suspicion in your expression tickles him. You truly are the cat to his mouse - willing to play the part and continue the game.

You shake your head, trying to focus on work instead of his flirting. "The contractor needs to discuss some details with you about the porch. Something about wood types?" But Terzo is already moving closer, his gloved hands finding your waist.

"Mmm, very important business indeed." He nuzzles against your neck, making you squirm. "But first..." His lips brush your skin, sending shivers down your spine.

You manage to wiggle free of him again, convinced that he likes it as much as having you in his arms. "Work first! Then we can... discuss other things."

The rest of the afternoon passes in a pleasant haze. Terzo hovers near you as you work, finding excuses to touch you - a hand on your lower back as he peers at your laptop screen, fingers brushing yours as he hands you coffee. The contractor comes and goes, and you make decent progress on mocking up the renovations you’ll pitch for the guest room.

But every time the piano's melody drifts through your thoughts, unease settles in your stomach. His old bandmate? You've never heard him mention anyone from his music days, not once. The piano seems just as aware of your presence as you are of its. You catch Terzo watching you sometimes, his expression unreadable behind that charming smile. There's something he's not telling you. But as his arms wrap around you from behind and he presses a kiss to your temple, you push the doubts aside. For now.

“Let me play you something, ‘fetta,” he murmurs, “anything you want to hear.”

"Play me something from your past," you say softly, curiosity getting the better of you. "Something you wrote, maybe.” Terzo goes stiff behind you, slowly drawing his lips away from the side of your head. He gives a low hum and starts to walk toward the piano, his shoulders slumped.

“I wasn't much of a writer," he admits, lingering in front of it before gently pressing some keys. "I only wrote one song during my time in the band and even that’s difficult to find. Perhaps for good reason, must not be very good.” Terzo’s eyes flicker to you, the hurt and sadness in them evident. You swallow thickly. This has been a topic of his life that he has avoided speaking to you about. In fact, he’s gone out of his way to not answer questions, diverting your attention to something else.

Terzo sits at the bench, fingers suddenly dance across the keys with practiced confidence, playing a haunting melody that fills the basement. You listen to it carefully, unable to place it after a few moments — even though you’ve listened to his offerings on repeat since viewing the acoustic performance.

“It’s nice, though,” you hum, crossing your arms as you near him. Terzo’s face breaks into a smile, dimpled cheeks and bright eyes looking back at you. It’s impossible not to smile back, not to bask in the light of his attention. You shuffle over to him, practically skipping, and end up hovering by him at the piano. “Did you ever play on stage?”

His lips twitch, eyes darting away from you to focus on the keys in front of him. “Ah, no… no, I did not. My job was to frolic and sing, you know this, mio toppolino,” he says, shifting on the bench as he starts another song: Absolution. You watch his fingers dance across the keys with practiced ease. Terzo’s earlier hesitation seems forgotten as he loses himself in the music, those mismatched eyes half-closed in concentration. The song builds, and you find yourself swaying slightly, entranced by both the music and the man playing it.

His eyes snap open and there's something wild and magnetic in his gaze, filled with such raw desire that it makes your head spin. “I think I would… quite like you kneeling between my legs while I play, ‘fetta.” Heat floods your cheeks at his words, but you can't deny the thrill that runs through you at the suggestion. His fingers continue to dance across the keys as he watches you with dark, hungry eyes. The melody shifts to something slower, more seductive. You recognize it: Cirice.

Knowing how much you enjoy this game, he parts his legs to make space for you as you sink to your knees. Your hands slide up his thighs as you settle between them, his fingers never missing a note. The haunting melody continues to fill the basement as you look up at him through thick lashes. His mismatched eyes are fixed on you as he plays flawlessly from memory.

"Go on… you know what I want," Terzo purrs, his voice barely audible over the piano. Your fingers work at his belt buckle, tugging it free with deliberate slowness, careful with his fancy outfit. His growing arousal is evident beneath his tailored pants, straining against the fabric. You palm him through the material, his fingers stumble on the keys, the melody faltering for just a moment.

“You’ve no idea how long I’ve fantasized about this.”

"I've wanted this since my second day working here," you confess between heavy breaths.

"Really?" His eyebrows shoot up in genuine surprise, a delighted grin spreading across his painted face.

"Mhm. I mean, most days you would wander around in a robe which didn’t leave much to the imagination..." You trail off, blushing.

"So was that what made you want to get on your knees for me, ‘fetta?" His tone is playful but his eyes betray genuine curiosity. "My sculpted body? Or was it my devilishly handsome face? My charming personality?" He wiggles his eyebrows suggestively.

You can't help but laugh at his antics even as heat rises to your cheeks. He’s being ridiculous but it’s this that draws you to him most.

"All of it," you admit with a soft smile. "The way you make me laugh, how dramatic you can be, your confidence... even if half of it is just for show. I like every part of you."

“Does this really appear to be for show?” Terzo’s voice drops dangerously low, his eyes flickering down at his lap.

You glance down pointedly at the obvious bulge straining against his pristine white pants. "No, that definitely seems quite real to me," you say with a teasing smile. His fingertips move to brush along your chin before pressing his thumb to your bottom lip.

"Perhaps I should stop talking and let you get back to work, yes?" The way his thumb presses against your lip makes your pulse quicken, and you can't help but dart your tongue out to taste the fabric of his glove. His sharp intake of breath at the action, only fueling your desire to please him. Your hands run over his thighs as you inch closer, settling on his zipper. Unzipping them, he springs free with a rumbling groan. Even his cock is beautiful - thick and elegant like the rest of him.

His breath hitches as you take him into your mouth, the piano melody growing more erratic as you work. Your tongue swirls around his length while your hands grip his thighs, feeling the muscles tense beneath your fingers. The music stops completely when you take him deeper, replaced by a deep moan. His gloved hand tangles in your hair, guiding your movements as you bob along his length. His other one grips the edge of the piano bench, the wood creaking beneath his fingertips.

You press your tongue to the underside each time you reach the head, then swipe it along the tip, savoring his taste. Your grip on his thighs tightens as you feel him twitch in your mouth. The sounds he makes only fuel your enthusiasm - you're enjoying this as much as he is, thighs pressing tightly together. His gloved fingers tighten in your hair as his hips start to thrust shallowly, unable to control himself any longer. "Dio mio, tesoro..." he pants, his voice strained and desperate. The sound of his pleasure echoes off the basement walls, making you moan around him in response.

His hips buck up sharply, forcing himself deeper into your throat. You gag around him but don't pull back, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes as you take his full length. The sound of your choking only seems to drive him closer to the edge, his moans growing more hoarse. With a final thrust, he spills down your throat with a strangled cry of your name, his body trembling beneath your hands.

You slump forward, resting your forehead against his thigh as you catch your breath. His gloved hand gentles in your hair, stroking soothingly as you both come down from your high. After a moment, he tilts your chin up to look at him, his painted face soft with affection.

A deafening crash behind you makes you yelp, jumping straight into Terzo's arms. The piano keys slam discordantly as something heavy falls against them. Before either of you can react, the basement is plunged into total darkness as the power cuts out with an ominous hum.

"Merda," Terzo hisses, his arms tightening protectively around you.

"What was that?" you whisper against his chest, heart pounding.

"The piano, it's, eh, it’s... very old. Sometimes the pedals stick, the hammers fall." His voice is strained as he speaks, one arm still wrapped around you while the other fumbles in his pocket. "Let's go upstairs, tesoro. No reason to stay down here in the dark."

Before you can protest, he's scooping you up into his arms. You catch a glimpse of his face in the dim light from his phone screen - his jaw is tight, eyes darting around the darkness behind you. You want to ask more questions, to point out that falling hammers don't explain the power outage, but something in his expression makes you hold your tongue. His secrets. He would always have them, wouldn’t he?

There’s been something off about Terzo from the start and you ignored it. You continue to ignore it.

He carries you swiftly up the basement stairs, kicking the door shut behind him with perhaps more force than necessary. You drop from his arms with ease, feet finding the ground to steady yourself. Terzo's hands roam your form possessively, fingers digging into your hips.

"You couldn't possibly leave now, tesoro. I would be all alone in the dark." His voice is playful but there's an edge of desperation beneath it.

A sudden whoosh makes you both jump as the fireplace roars to life, flames leaping high and hot. You stare at it in shock, but Terzo merely glances at the fire before turning back to you, acting as if nothing unusual just happened. The questions bubble up in your throat - about the rotary phone in the guest room, the piano, all the strange occurrences in this house. But would asking push him away? Make him shut down completely?

He presses a soft kiss to your cheek, seemingly oblivious to your inner turmoil. "I'll figure out dinner, eh? And fix us some drinks." Terzo voice is forced, an underlying unease that he can’t quite hide. There's fear in his eyes. You see it for the first time - raw and unguarded, a flash of genuine terror before he masks it with his usual charm. It makes your stomach twist.

He gives your hips one final squeeze before releasing you.

You feel dizzy. Sinking to your knees on the plush rug, you watch the inexplicably lit flames dance in the fireplace. The heat washes over you but does nothing to warm the chill that's settled in your bones.

#terzo #terzo x reader #papa emeritus iii x reader #papa emeritus iii #papa emeritus x reader #ghost fanfic #ghost band fanfic #ghost fanfiction

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teddiee · 6 months ago

Text

Into Each Life: Chapter 15

Summary:

He lands hard on the floor—metal ridges biting into his skin—and a new wave of adrenaline slams into him. Tony bucks wildly, thrashing. A knee pins his thigh, a forearm braces across his chest. Someone mutters a curse. For a second, it sounds like they might sedate him. Tony wonders if they’ll press a cloth soaked in chloroform over his mouth, maybe jam a needle into his neck. But no sedation comes. Instead, they force him into a corner, shoulders jammed against cold steel.

The engine rumbles to life.

Words: 11,090

Content Warning : 18+ (Explicit language)

Tony’s fingers tremble as he dials. The heavy brass rotary clicks under his touch, each number dragging out the inevitable. The dim glow of the servant’s quarters is the only thing keeping him from feeling like he’s suffocating entirely. It’s not much, but it’s enough to stop his hands from shaking too visibly.

The line crackles. One ring. Two.

Then—

“Yeah?”

Bucky’s voice is thick with exhaustion, a low rasp wrapped in the remnants of sleep. Tony almost falters, almost drops the phone back onto the receiver. But he can’t. He’s already let the moment stretch too long.

He licks his lips, forces his tone to be light, breezy, the way he does when things are spiraling out of his control.

“Guess who’s off the market?”

He immediately winces.

Silence.

A stillness so sharp it might as well be the edge of a knife pressed against his skin.

Then—

CRASH.

Tony jerks the receiver away from his ear as a deafening smash rattles through the line.

Something heavy, ceramic maybe, a plate, hits the wall on the other end. The muffled shout of Steve’s voice follows, alarmed, urgent.

“What the hell, Buck—?”

Tony breathes out a slow, unsteady exhale.

Bucky’s voice is different when it comes back. Lower. Tighter. Lethal.

“Say that again.”

Tony closes his eyes. “It’s official,” he says, voice steadier than he feels. “Howard has it all lined up. Contracts, legalities, the whole nine yards. I’m spoken for.”

Another beat of silence.

Then—

A low, guttural sound rumbles through the receiver.

Tony stiffens. He’s never heard Bucky make that sound before.

It’s not anger. Not entirely.

It’s something more. Something primordial. Something deadly.

“Who.”

Tony doesn’t answer immediately. He doesn’t have to.

Bucky already knows.

But he needs to hear it anyway.

Tony swallows. “Stone.”

The sharp inhale on the other end tells him everything.

Then—

“That’s not happening.”

Tony lets out a weak laugh, but it’s humorless. Wet. “Hate to break it to you, stud, but my old man’s not really one for democratic decision-making.”

Another bang. This time, something heavier. Maybe a chair against the wall.

Steve’s voice, distant and alarmed, filters through again. “Jesus, Buck, calm the hell down—”

“Tell me everything.” Bucky’s voice is so quiet, so measured, that it sends an actual chill down Tony’s spine. “Now.”

So Tony does.

He tells Bucky about the inevitable contract, the moment his father told him like it was a business transaction, the way Tiberius had stood there, smug, reveling in his victory.

He strategically leaves out the part about the press of lips against his cheek, the suffocating scent of the Alpha curling around him, the way his thumb had pressed against Tony’s scent gland like he had a claim.

He doesn’t need Bucky destroying any more of his and Steve’s meager furniture.

Tony doesn’t realize his breathing has gone shallow until he hears Bucky’s next exhale. It’s shaking.

Then, barely above a whisper:

“I’m going to kill him.”

It’s not a threat.

It’s a promise.

Tony exhales shakily, rubbing a hand down his face. “Yeah, well, if you could do that without landing yourself in Leavenworth, that’d be swell—”

“This isn’t a fucking joke, Tony,” Bucky snarls. “He can’t have you. He won’t. I won’t let him.”

Tony flinches, but not out of fear. Out of something else. Something deep in his chest that tightens at the possessive edge in Bucky’s voice.

Because this isn’t just about keeping Tony safe.

This is about keeping Tony.

The silence stretches thick between them, heavy with something unspoken. Then, after what feels like an eternity:

“Tell me where you are.”

Tony hesitates. “Bucky—”

“Tell me where you are, Tony. Now. Tell me he’s not—”

Tony swallows hard. “I’m safe. I’m okay, I’m with the Jarvises.”

He glances at Jarvis, who is watching with quiet, measured concern. The butler doesn’t say a word. He doesn’t have to.

Tony inhales sharply. Then, slowly:

“I have a plan.”

Bucky’s breath is sharp. “I don’t give a damn about plans. I need you out. I need you with me.”

Tony’s chest clenches. “I know. But if I don’t do this right, I’ll never be free.”

Bucky is silent for a long moment. Then, slowly, deliberately:

“If you’re not free,” he says, voice raw, “then neither am I.”

Tony’s throat tightens.

“You are mine, Tony. Not his. Not ever.”

Tony exhales shakily, gripping the receiver tighter. He can feel it, the fire burning beneath Bucky’s words, the sheer, unwavering truth of them.

“Yours,” he whispers back, like a vow.

Tony doesn’t so much wake up as he does surface slowly from a fitful doze, the edges of sleep clinging stubbornly even as his mind alerts him to something amiss. There’s an uneasy hush in the air—a tension he can’t quite place. It takes him a long minute to register that the unusual quiet is because the Jarvises, who typically bustle about at dawn with a comforting routine, aren’t making a sound.

A pang of alarm tightens his chest. He’s still in the modest servant’s suite—tiny bed, worn nightstand, overhead light dimmed to the lowest setting. Jarvis insisted he stay here last night, away from prying eyes. For safety.

If this is safety, Tony thinks sourly, then I’m toast.

He rolls out of bed, wincing at the stiffness in his neck. The recollection of the phone call with Bucky rakes over him like a raw bruise. His pulse jumps as he remembers the crash, the rage in Bucky’s voice, the vow.

You are mine, Tony.

The echo of it warms him even as dread prickles at the base of his spine.

He slides on yesterday’s clothes—still neatly folded on a chair, courtesy of Ana—and smooths his unruly bedhead back with trembling fingers. His heart is thrumming, but he forces his face into neutrality before easing open the bedroom door.

The hallway is empty. Not a whisper of the usual morning clatter. Tony’s ears strain for any sign of the Jarvises. Nothing.

He makes his way toward the small kitchen, footsteps nearly silent. The overhead lights in the corridor are only half-lit, the gloom casting odd shadows along the walls. Outside, the sun has barely crept over the horizon, painting thin slivers of dawn across the windowsills.

When Tony steps into the kitchen, he halts.

Tiberius Stone is seated at the little wooden table at the center of the room—like he belongs there, like this is his domain. He’s alone. No father, no business associates, no staff. Just Tiberius, perched with disconcerting ease in the Jarvises’ private space.

And Tony’s heart drops to his stomach.

Tiberius sports impeccably slicked-back dark hair and a face that radiates smug confidence—traits that, in Tony’s humble view, seem overly assertive for seven in the morning. He’s wearing a crisp, tailored suit, the top few buttons undone as though to display the edge of a claim. It’s a power move—everything Tiberius does is a power move.

He looks up at Tony with a slow, appraising gaze.

“Morning, Stark,” he drawls. “You look like hell.” The corner of his mouth twitches in a half-smile that never reaches his eyes. “Cozy little hole you’ve got back here.”

Tony tucks his hands into his pockets to hide the tremor in his fingertips. “You’re not supposed to be here,” he says evenly, though his throat feels tight. “This is the servants’ quarters. They’re off-limits to visitors.”

Tiberius shrugs, barely acknowledging Tony’s complaint. “Servants, guests—does it matter?” He lazily straightens, rolling his shoulders. “Once the contract is sealed, you’ll figure out how pointless those distinctions are. I go where I want.”

Tony’s stomach lurches. He edges forward, hands slipping into his pockets so Tiberius doesn’t see how his fingers clench. “Where are Ana and Jarvis?”

Tiberius’ lips twitch. “I asked them to step out. Politely, of course. I don’t think they’ll wander too far. They worry about you.” His eyes dance with mock innocence. “Such loyal employees.”

“So you threatened them until they left me alone,” Tony sighs. “How very chivalrous of you. Want to skip the niceties and tell me why you’re here?”

“Straight to business.” Tiberius sets his forearms on the table, leaning in. “I suppose it’s too early to pretend pleasantries. Let’s see...” He tilts his head, nostrils flaring—subtle, but obvious enough in Alpha body language. “You smell… off,” he remarks, distaste curling at the edges of his tone. “One could even say ‘mangy’.”

Tony’s jaw tenses. “You’d know all about it, I’m sure. You do love burying your nose where it doesn’t fucking belong.”

Tiberius’ eyes narrow with predatory interest. “Funny. My nose says you’ve been spending an inordinate amount of time with that Alpha. You reek of someone strong.” There’s a purr in his voice, dangerous and amused. “Daddy still doesn’t know about this one, does he?”

Every muscle in Tony’s body goes rigid. He doesn’t respond. Can’t. Because giving Tiberius anything would be a mistake.

Tiberius interprets the silence with a flicker of triumph. “Mm. Thought so.” He slides his gaze down Tony’s frame, lingering on the faint flush at Tony’s collar. “An Alpha so potent he’s practically branded you. That’s quite the scandal in the making.”

He stands up smoothly, stepping away from the table. Tony’s eyes track the movement, every cell on high alert.

“Dunno what you’re sniffing around for, Stone,” Tony says, voice carefully bored, “but you might want to keep your fantasies on a leash. The last thing that paper-thin reputation of yours needs is another tabloid feeding frenzy.”

Tiberius lifts an eyebrow, still wearing that faint, disinterested smirk. With casual ease, he pulls the cuff of his shirt sleeve over his warped, exposed wrist. “Don’t play stupid. I can practically taste his scent on your skin. Did he knot you yet? Or did you just let him rub one out against you like a desperate pup in rut?”

Tony can’t contain the sharp flare of rage in his chest. It’s only the memory of Jarvis’s and Anna’s presence nearby—anxious, listening—that keeps Tony from lunging at Tiberius.

“Charming,” Tony says instead.

“You smell like him, Tony,” Tiberius volleys, voice dropping to a near-whisper. “And if you won’t tell me who he is, I’ll find out on my own. Not that it matters, of course.” He glances toward the doorway, and Tony can sense Jarvis hovering out of sight. “Once our contract is done, I don’t care who he is—he’ll be irrelevant. But I do like to know exactly who I’m taking from.”

Tony’s chest constricts.

Tiberius steps closer, and before Tony can flinch back, he’s grabbed Tony’s chin. His grip is firm but oddly dispassionate, his thumb brushing over Tony’s lower lip in a way that sends a wave of revulsion through Tony’s entire body.

“So,” Tiberius muses quietly, as if he’s inquiring about the weather, “did your little secret Alpha mark you yet? Did he bite right here—” Tiberius ghosts his thumb over Tony’s scent gland, where Bucky had worried a bruise into the skin mere weeks ago—“pump you full, maybe do it on his knees so he could see how pretty you look when you’re pinned?” He cocks his head. “You strike me as the type who likes it rough. But hey, maybe you prefer a gentle hand. Hard to say with that attitude.”

Tony jerks away, dizzy. “Fuck off, Stone.”

Tiberius leans in, tone dropping to a conspiratorial murmur. “Or… perhaps he hasn’t actually gotten around to knotting you, yet?” He waits, eyes boring into Tony’s. “Oh, you sweet, foolish pup. That blush on your face is very telling.”

Tony’s fists clench. “Stop—”

Tiberius continues as though Tony never spoke. “Well, he’s done… something, I can smell that much. But not everything. Tsk. So he’s a coward, is he? Or maybe he just doesn’t have the balls to see it through.” He gives a mocking shrug. “Either way, that’s good news for me.”

“I said shut up, you fucking lunatic,” Tony snaps, voice tight with anger and shame. The heat in his cheeks intensifies, exactly what Tiberius wants.

Tiberius’s grin spreads, slow and cruel. “There’s no need to be shy, darling. I’m just assessing the goods. Howard wants me to be fully informed, and let’s be honest—an Omega’s sexual experience is crucial in a contract like this.” His voice is so cold, so casually degrading, that Tony feels sick. “If you were already knotted, well… that would certainly be messy, complicated. But since you’re still unmarked—still untouched in the real sense, anyway—it’s actually quite a relief. Gives me a nice, clean slate to work with.”

“If you’re trying to woo me, jackass, maybe don’t talk about me like I’m a piece of property,” Tony snarls, taking a step forward without even realizing it. He’s so angry he can feel his heartbeat thrumming at the back of his throat.

Tiberius merely raises an eyebrow. “But that’s exactly what you are, Stark. At least, that’s what your old man’s selling. And I’m buying.” His smile turns into something wolfish, a flash of teeth. “Or do you think Daddy would have drawn up these papers if you had a real choice?”

Tony’s stomach churns. He can’t deny the truth in Tiberius’s words—this is exactly what Howard does, packaging Tony up like an investment, a bargaining chip to strengthen alliances. That doesn’t make it any less maddening.

Tiberius lets out a small, theatrical sigh. “For what it’s worth, I’m almost disappointed your Alpha friend hasn’t knotted you. I would’ve enjoyed the challenge—scrubbing his scent off you while I fucked you full of mine.” He laughs, soft and humorless, as though the idea amuses him. “But seeing as he hasn’t staked a real claim, you won’t be that hard to break in.”

Tony recoils, repulsion tightening his chest until he can barely breathe. “You’re insane.”

Tiberius’s eyebrows lift. “Haven’t heard that one in a while.” He stands, looming over the table with the kind of quiet menace that makes the hair on Tony’s arms rise. “Funny how everyone says that, yet nobody seems interested in doing a damn thing about it. Howard, least of all.”

The tension in the cramped kitchen is suffocating, thick enough to taste. Tony watches as Tiberius adjusts his cuffs, methodical and unhurried, like he has all the time in the world. The knowledge that Tiberius waltzed in here—into the Jarvises’ private space—and made himself comfortable only twists the knife deeper.

Tony breathes carefully, forcing himself to think of Bucky’s voice—of that promise he made. It steadies Tony, even if just a little. “If you’re only here to threaten me, consider me underwhelmed. All bark and no bite—can’t expect much more from dad’s lapdog, I suppose.”

Tiberius’ eyes flare. For a moment, Tony wonders if he’s pushed too far. Then Tiberius laughs again, an ugly, abrasive sound. “I do so enjoy that smart mouth of yours. It’ll be fun finding ways to put it to better use.”

Tony’s stomach turns. “H romantic. These threats are becoming increasingly unoriginal, by the way.”

“And you’re stuck with me,” Tiberius says, triumphant. “Let’s not pretend otherwise. I know your father. He won’t let a little detail like your… ah… private entanglements sway his business. So if you don’t want me ratting out your indiscretion, maybe you should start acting like the good, obedient fiancé—ah, sorry.” He spreads his hands in mock apology. “Whatever the hell your father calls this arrangement. ‘Pre-bonded partner’? ‘Future acquisition?’ The terminology barely matters.”

Tony forces himself to unclench his fists, ignoring the sting in his palms where his nails have bitten into flesh. He can’t risk letting Tiberius goad him into something rash. “What do you want?”

Tiberius steps closer, crowding Tony against the edge of the counter. Tony holds his ground, refusing to back away. This close, the Alpha musk is overpowering, an oppressive weight in the air. “For now?” Tiberius murmurs, voice dropping to a private hush. “I want compliance. I want you to remember exactly who’s in charge, that you can’t wiggle your way out of this. You will present yourself as my prospective mate, as intended. No more of this sneaking off. No more midnight phone calls. If I so much as suspect you’re letting someone else sniff around your neck, I’ll make it known to your father. And I’ll make sure you regret it.”

A flicker of genuine fear churns in Tony’s gut. He hates that Tiberius can see it in his eyes, but there’s no hiding that primal surge of adrenaline in the face of an alpha’s threat.

“Did I make myself clear?” Tiberius demands, stepping close enough that their bodies almost brush, his breath hot against Tony’s cheek.

“Crystal,” Tony says, voice tight.

Tiberius’ lip curls with satisfaction. “Good.” He leans in, dangerously close, and Tony can smell the rancid sweetness of coffee on Tiberius’ breath. “We’ll keep up appearances until the contracts are finalized. Then…” His hand drifts up, just shy of grazing Tony’s mating gland. Tony stiffens, bile rising in his throat. “Then I’ll make my claim real. Permanently. And I won’t let your father’s money or your sense of self-preservation stop me from marking what’s mine.”

Tony glares at him, teeth clenched. “Quit touching me, Svengali, I swear to God—”

Tiberius smirks, letting his hand fall away. “Oh, there weill be plenty of touching, Omega. But I’ll let you cling to your illusions a little longer if that’s what keeps you docile.”

An unsteady breath escapes Tony. He can’t even summon a retort. The raw disgust in his chest makes it hard to speak.

Tiberius gives him a once-over, then steps back. “I’m done here.” He casts a derisive glance around the Jarvises’ modest kitchen. “Tell your father I stopped by, if you like. I’m sure he already knows. But do me a favor…” He turns his gaze back on Tony, eyes gleaming. “Wash off that stink. If I have to smell someone else on you again, I might not be so polite next time.”

Tony swallows, shoulders tight enough to snap, but says nothing.

With a short, humorless laugh, Tiberius saunters past him, heading for the back door. The hush seems to thicken once more, pressing against Tony’s ears until all he hears is the dull thud of his heart.

A heartbeat later, Tiberius is gone, the screen door swinging shut behind him.

Tony waits until he’s certain Tiberius isn’t coming back, then lets out a shaky exhale. His knees feel weak. He braces his palms on the counter, trying to steady the tremor in his hands.

He hears movement at the edge of the hallway. Jarvis, reluctant but stepping in now that the intruder is gone, appears at the threshold. His expression is grave, lines of concern etched across his brow.

“Are you all right, Tony?” Jarvis asks quietly.

Tony doesn’t look up. He can’t. His throat feels too tight. “I’m swell,” he forces out, voice ragged. He clears it, tries again. “Yeah, J. I’m okay.”

Neither of them believes it. But Jarvis doesn’t push. He simply crosses the room and sets a warm hand on Tony’s shoulder, silent comfort radiating in his touch.

Tony draws in a slow breath, chest aching. The memory of Bucky’s voice, fierce and protective, echoes in his mind:

He can’t have you. He won’t. I won’t let him.

Tony lets that resonance ground him. Because if he has any hope of making it out of this nightmare intact—and keeping Bucky free with him—he’s going to need every scrap of resolve he can muster.

The kitchens have always been Tony’s refuge, a small pocket of warmth and normalcy in an otherwise suffocating environment. He’s barely left since Friday, tethering himself to the space where Ana moves with practiced ease, flour dusting her sleeves, the scent of fresh bread curling through the air like a lifeline.

She doesn’t question why he’s here, why he hasn’t set foot outside these walls except to sleep. She just… lets him be. And maybe that’s why he hasn’t unraveled completely—because while the rest of the estate looms over him like a cage, Ana and her kitchen is safe.

She fusses over him like it’s a full-time job, placing warm plates in front of him every few hours, making tsk noises when he so much as looks at his coffee without touching the food. He tries to protest—because eating feels like a chore, because his stomach is in knots, because the walls are closing in and the air is too thick—but she just raises an eyebrow and levels him with that look.

The one that says you are not winning this fight, idióta, so eat.

So he does. Mostly because she’s watching him like a hawk.

At least the conversation is a welcome distraction.

“Tell me about your Alphas,” she says, slicing vegetables with quick, sure movements, her back to him but her tone deliberately light.

Tony snorts softly, poking at the eggs on his plate. Tony snorts softly, poking at the eggs on his plate. “Alpha. Singular. One very beautiful, slightly possessive, and currently homicidal Alpha. Steve’s just a friend.”

Ana hums, unimpressed, the rhythmic slice of her knife against the cutting board never faltering. “Oh, igen?” she muses, tone as dry as overbaked biscuits. “Just a friend?”

Tony waves his fork loosely, leaning back against the worn wooden chair. “A good friend. A good, small friend with violent tendencies and a chronic inability to mind his own business, sure, but that doesn’t make him my Alpha. We’ve been over this, Ana.”

Ana simply hums again, turning to toss the diced peppers into a sizzling pan. The scent of caramelizing onions and garlic thickens in the air, grounding, soothing. She moves with a quiet certainty, each movement efficient and precise, but there’s a warmth to it, a familiarity that makes the kitchen feel like a space outside of time.

Tony exhales, rolling his shoulders. “Look, if I had two Alphas by choice, don’t you think I’d be the first to admit it? Alas, I seem to have acquired one through hostile takeover, so forgive me if I’m not throwing a parade.”

Ana doesn’t look up, but he catches the ghost of a smile on her lips. “Of course, drágám.”

Tony eyes her warily. “I feel like you’re humoring me.”

“Always.”

Tony sighs, picking up his fork again. “I can’t win with you.”

“No, you cannot.” Ana slides a skillet onto the stove with a practiced flick of her wrist, setting a wooden spoon against the edge before finally turning back to him. “So, tell me about them anyway.”

Tony exhales but doesn’t protest. He knows what she’s doing—keeping him talking, keeping him here, instead of wherever his mind keeps spiraling. He lets her.

He pushes his eggs around with his fork, nudging a piece to the side like it personally offended him. “Bucky’s still boxing,” he says, voice quieter now. “He’s a YMCA welterweight champion now—ridiculous, right? Not that I’m surprised. I mean, look at him. Or—well, you can’t, but if you could, you’d get it. Not that I—” He cuts himself off, face suddenly warm, and promptly redirects his frustration toward his eggs, stabbing at them like they’re to blame.

Ana smiles, pouring a cup of coffee for herself and sitting down across from him. “And yet, you are the one he has claimed for his own.”

Tony huffs. “Yeah, well, I have many redeeming qualities.”

Ana’s brows lift. “Such as?”

“Excellent bone structure.”

She snorts but waves him on, signaling for more.

Tony shifts, tapping his fork against the edge of his plate. “Steve’s still out there trying to teach Brooklyn’s youth how to throw a proper punch,” he says. “Which is deeply ironic, considering he spends more time getting tossed into gutters than actually landing any hits. You’d think some benevolent force of the universe would’ve given him an upgrade by now, but nope—still five-foot-nothing, a hundred pounds soaking wet, and running purely on spite and righteous indignation.”

Ana’s lips twitch, watching him closely.

“He got into it with some guy last week over a stolen bicycle,” Tony goes on, shaking his head. “One second, he’s just buying milk, next thing you know, he’s nose-deep in a brawl because some punk snatched a kid’s ride.”

Ana hums. “And your Alpha?”

Tony shrugs. “Oh, Buck was furious. He’s got this whole ‘I’m the only one allowed to rough up this vigilante idiot’ thing going on. Almost decked Steve himself out of sheer principle.”

Ana shakes her head, sipping her coffee. “That one—he carries the weight of the world, doesn’t he?”

Tony huffs a quiet laugh. “Yeah, well, someone’s gotta do it. And Steve sure as hell isn’t gonna stop picking fights with guys twice his size, so Bucky’s pretty much signed up for a lifetime of damage control.”

Ana hums, setting her cup down. “And what about you?”

Tony blinks. “What about me?”

She gestures vaguely at him. “Do they carry you, too?”

Tony hesitates, fork stilling against his plate. The answer is obvious.

Of course, they do. They always have. In ways he doesn’t always recognize until it’s too late—until he’s halfway drowning and they’re the ones dragging him back to shore.

But he doesn’t reply, just focuses a little too hard on breaking apart a piece of toast, crumbling the edges between his fingers. The silence stretches, not uncomfortable, but not quite easy either.

Ana gives him a look that says I see you, even if you don’t see yourself. But she doesn’t push, just tucks a piece of stray hair behind her ear and reaches over to pluck his fork out of his fingers, setting it back onto his plate. Then, in one smooth motion, she picks up his coffee and slides a small dish of honey-drizzled toast in its place.

Tony blinks at her. “Uh—”

“You are running on caffeine and willpower,” she says, cutting him off. “Eat something real, if you don’t want your eggs, or I will start feeding you by hand.”

Tony squints at her. “You wouldn’t.”

Ana raises an eyebrow, reaching for his plate.

Tony immediately snatches up the toast, taking a bite before she can make good on her threat.

“Okay, okay! Jesus.”

Ana smiles, satisfied, and takes a slow sip of her coffee.

He chews slowly, mechanically, as Ana returns to the stove, but the act feels distant—like he’s watching himself from somewhere just outside his own body. His limbs feel heavy, weighed down by something thick and inescapable, like wading through molasses.

He shifts in his chair, too aware of the way his skin feels too tight, his breath too shallow. There’s an ache in his chest, a pressure building under his ribs that he can’t quite shake.

It’s fine. He’s fine.

He forces himself to focus on the warmth of the kitchen, the scent of fresh bread, the quiet scrape of Ana’s knife against the cutting board. It should be comforting. It is comforting. But something in him won’t settle. His hands are clammy, his pulse a dull, thrumming beat against his ribs. He can still feel the ghost of fingers on his chin, the press of a foreign Alpha’s presence suffocating the air from his lungs.

Tiberius had been in this kitchen. Had leaned against this table, spoken with that same smug certainty, left his scent behind like a warning.

Tony’s stomach churns, and he barely catches himself before he gags on the bite of toast.

He shoves his plate away, appetite completely gone.

Ana’s eyes flicker up from her work, sharp as a blade. She doesn’t speak at first, just watches.

Tony pointedly looks anywhere but at her.

The silence stretches, stretching thin and tight, until—

“Antal.”

His spine stiffens, breath catching in his throat.

Ana sets her knife down and wipes her hands on a dish towel, slow and deliberate. She moves around the counter, quiet and steady, like she’s approaching a wounded animal.

Tony forces a smirk, though it feels cracked around the edges. “If you’re about to give me a lecture on finishing my breakfast, I gotta warn you—I’m a lost cause.”

Ana doesn’t smile. She doesn’t even acknowledge the deflection. Instead, she reaches out and rests a gentle hand on his wrist.

Tony barely stops himself from flinching.

The touch is light, grounding, a counterweight to the spiraling tightness in his chest. It shouldn’t make his eyes sting, but—God—everything inside him feels frayed, pulled too tight.

Ana tilts her head, studying him with that quiet, unshakable patience that somehow makes it worse.

“You are dropping,” she murmurs.

Tony exhales through his nose, gaze flickering away. “I’m fine,” he says, too quickly, too sharp.

Ana’s grip tightens just slightly—not enough to trap him, just enough to keep him here.

“You are not fine,” she corrects, voice firm but soft, like she’s stating an undeniable fact. “Your body knows it, even if you don’t want to admit it.”

Tony swallows. His throat feels thick, uncooperative.

He knows what this is. Just like after the gala.

The aftershock. The crash. The biological recoil of an Omega after an altercation with an Alpha who wasn’t supposed to be near him.

His nervous system is shot, his scent profile probably erratic, and the more he ignores it, the worse it gets.

He can feel it now, the sharp-edged restlessness clawing under his skin, the deep-seated ache in his muscles like he’s been wrung out. His throat feels tight, the air in his lungs too shallow. His body wants comfort, stability, something to anchor him, but—

No.

He clenches his jaw, shoving the feeling down with all the force he can muster.

“I’m fine,” he repeats, more stubborn this time, shaking off Ana’s hand.

Ana doesn’t look convinced.

She exhales through her nose, then—without a word—turns back to the counter and pulls out a clean dish towel. She moves with practiced ease, dipping it into a basin of warm water before wringing it out.

Tony watches, wary, as she steps back toward him and, without hesitation, presses the damp towel to the back of his neck.

The sensation is immediate.

The warmth sinks into his skin, soothing the overheated, overstimulated edges of him, and his breath stutters without permission.

He hates how effective it is.

Ana doesn’t say anything. She just keeps the towel there, firm but gentle, the way one might calm a feverish child.

Tony exhales shakily, fingers curling against his thigh. He should pull away. He should crack a joke, make some clever quip about spa treatments or overbearing housekeepers, but—

He doesn’t.

Because for the first time since Tiberius pressed his lips to Tony’s cheek, since the suffocating presence of that Alpha curled around him like a noose—

He feels like he can breathe.

His muscles unclench by inches, the tension draining so slowly it almost hurts, like a tightly wound spring finally releasing. The air in the kitchen isn’t so thick anymore, and his own pulse, erratic and jagged, starts to even out.

Ana doesn’t speak. Doesn’t comment.

She just stays, standing beside him, the towel warm against his skin, her other hand resting lightly against his shoulder in quiet reassurance.

Tony swallows past the knot in his throat. His fingers twitch against the table.

“… It’s stupid,” he mutters after a long beat.

Ana glances down at him. “No,” she says simply.

The silence stretches between them, thick but not suffocating. Ana gives him the space to gather his thoughts. To decide what he wants to say. If he wants to say anything at all.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, Tony exhales shakily. His grip on the edge of his stool tightens, then loosens, then tightens again.

His voice is quieter when he speaks. Less sure. Less armored.

“It’s worse when I’m with him,” he murmurs. “Tiberius.”

Ana doesn’t react, doesn’t so much as flinch. She just nods, waiting for him to continue.

Tony stares down at the counterop, watching the surface seemingly ripple from the slight waver of his gaze.

“The closer I get to Bucky,” he says slowly, “the worse it feels. Being around him.” His throat bobs. “Like my body knows it’s wrong.”

Ana exhales, quiet but steady. “It does know,” she murmurs. “Of course it does.”

Tony swallows. His chest feels too tight, his skin too warm, the residual pull of Alpha presence clinging to his scent receptors like something toxic. “It—it hurts to be around him,” he admits, voice barely above a whisper. “Not just—not just in my head. It’s—physical.” His hands clench into fists against his lap. “Like something inside me is short-circuiting, like—like I’m being rewired wrong.” His breath falters, catching on something jagged. “Like every part of me is fighting it.”

Ana’s lips press together, and her gaze darkens, something sharp and protective flashing through her expression. But she still doesn’t interrupt. She lets him speak.

Tony lets out a shaky breath. “And it wasn’t—it wasn’t this bad, before.” He rubs at his chest like he can soothe the ache blooming beneath his sternum. “But now? Now, it feels like my entire body is rejecting him outright. The closer I get to Bucky, the worse it gets. It’s like my system is…” He trails off, voice cracking slightly.

Ana finishes for him. “Telling you to go to your Alpha instead.”

Tony’s jaw tightens.

Because she’s right.

Everything in him aches to be near Bucky. It screams for him when Tiberius gets too close, when his scent so much as lingers too long. The bond—even unfinished, even incomplete—is already pulling at him, demanding he go where he’s meant to be.

And that’s the worst part.

Because he can’t.

He can’t go to Bucky. He can’t let himself sink into that warmth, that safety. Can’t let himself be taken in the way his body is already pleading for.

Not when this contract looms over him. Not when Tiberius is circling like a vulture, waiting to sink his teeth in.

Ana moves first.

Not quickly. Not sharply. Just with that quiet, practiced ease that makes it so easy to forget she was raised in a world where softness was a liability.

She picks up the damp towel from where she left it, folding it neatly in her hands before pressing it back against the nape of his neck.

Tony stiffens—just slightly—but doesn’t pull away.

The warmth sinks into his skin, soothing the overstimulated ache beneath the surface. His breath stutters, but he lets it happen.

Ana doesn’t say anything.

She just keeps the towel there, firm but gentle, her other hand settling lightly on his shoulder.

It’s grounding.

It shouldn’t be.

But it is.

He’s always been sensitive, there.

Tony exhales, something tight in his chest unraveling just a fraction.

He still feels like he’s too close to the edge, like his own body isn’t entirely his right now, but—this helps.

The warmth. The steadiness. The presence.

Ana moves carefully, like she knows exactly how close he is to shattering, like she’s done this before. And maybe she has. Maybe not with him, but with someone else.

And maybe that’s why she doesn’t say anything.

Because she knows no words will change the fact that his body is wrong right now, that every cell is screaming for something—someone—he can’t have.

No words will change the fact that the one bond he wants is the one he’s being forced to deny.

His fingers twitch against his thigh.

He should joke. He should smile, throw something careless into the air just to fill the silence, make it easier to ignore the weight pressing against his ribs.

But he doesn’t.

Because for once—for once—he doesn’t have the energy.

Ana watches him, quiet and patient.

After a long moment, she speaks.

“You would bond with him,” she murmurs, the words careful, deliberate. “Your Brooklyn boy.” Not a question. Just a quiet, steady acknowledgment.

Tony doesn’t look at her.

His jaw clenches, throat working as he forces down the sharp, aching thing curling in his chest.

“Yeah,” he whispers. It’s not even a confession at this point. Just a tired, inevitable truth. “I would.”

The words settle between them, heavy and irreversible.

Ana’s gaze doesn’t waver.

“Then that’s what we fight for,” she says.

Tony squeezes his eyes shut.

Ana’s hand stays firm on his shoulder, her presence steady, unwavering.

“You are not alone in this, Antal,” she murmurs, low and certain. “No matter how much you try to be.”

Tony exhales slowly so his breath doesn’t expose itself as a shuddering sob.

The kitchen hums around them, the soft crackle of something simmering on the stove, the rhythmic tick of the old clock on the wall. The world is still moving—uncaring, relentless—despite the storm rolling under Tony’s skin.

He lets himself lean into the moment, just for a breath. Just long enough to remember that not everything has to be a battle.

But it never lasts.

Because reality doesn’t care if he’s barely holding himself together. It doesn’t care if he’s unraveling at the seams, if every inch of him is screaming to be somewhere else—to be with someone else.

Tony lifts a hand and drags it down his face, exhaling slowly. “I should get out of your way,” he mutters, his voice rough, too raw around the edges. “You’ve got things to do. I can—”

Ana doesn’t let him finish.

She gives his shoulder the barest squeeze before releasing him, stepping away only to grab another plate. A fresh slice of warm bread, butter melting into the surface, a small dish of preserves set beside it. Nothing extravagant. Nothing overwhelming. Just enough.

She sets it in front of him without a word.

Tony stares at it.

His throat works around something thick, something unbearably fragile.

Ana doesn’t meet his eyes, just busies herself at the counter again, pouring herself another cup of coffee, moving with the same quiet ease she always does.

But the gesture is there.

The choice is there.

No force, no expectations—just something offered. A simple, unspoken stay.

Tony exhales sharply through his nose, blinking hard as he reaches for the toast. He takes a slow bite, ignoring the way his fingers shake just slightly where they curl around the edges.

Ana doesn’t comment.

She never does.

Instead, she sips her coffee, idly stirring the pan on the stove, and lets the silence settle between them like an understanding too old, too deep, to need words.

Tony doesn’t so much wake up as lurch into consciousness.

One moment, he’s tumbling through a vague, distorted nightmare of Tiberius’s voice echoing in his head—sly promises, threatening whispers, a sneering mouth pressed too close. The next, he’s wrenched from his bed by rough hands, his entire body jolting awake in a visceral rush of fear.

He yelps, and fights on instinct, half-blind in the dark, still tangled in sheets and disoriented by the abruptness of it all. His limbs flail, heart pounding a frantic tattoo in his ears. He tries to shout, to demand to know what the hell is happening, but the words die in his throat as a thick gag is shoved between his teeth. It tastes of cloth and dust and panic.

He chokes on it, a muffled curse burning in his mouth. The blindfold slams over his eyes a breath later. He barely has time to register the shape of the intruders—too many, definitely more than one or two—before everything goes black. The press of cloth against his face is suffocating, and for a moment, he’s seized by raw, animal terror: I can’t see, I can’t breathe, I can’t—

The hands grip him like a vice, manhandling him off the mattress. He’s in nothing but his thin boxer shorts and a threadbare undershirt.

If he weren’t terrified, he’d be a little mortified.

The nighttime warmth of June does little to shield him from the gooseflesh prickling across his skin.

He thrashes, wild and uncoordinated, elbows connecting with unyielding torsos, knees slamming into muscle. One of the intruders grunts sharply—Tony hopes he’s done some damage—but they don’t relent. Strong arms clamp around his shoulders, and a new surge of panic flares in Tony’s gut as he’s dragged across the room. He can’t see, can’t even get his bearings. His socks catch on the carpet, tangling around his toes.

A voice hisses, “Careful, don’t let him—”

Then Tony’s back hits a solid wall—no, a doorframe—and a burst of pain explodes across his shoulder blades. He lets out a furious, muffled scream. The gag reduces it to little more than a choked growl.

How the hell did they even get into the Stark estate?

His father’s property is patrolled by private security and guarded by enormous wrought-iron gates. And Tony can’t imagine Jarvis letting some random strangers just march upstairs to yank Tony from his bed. Unless these people wore S.I. badges… or had forged some kind of official paperwork.

Or Tiberius. Could Tiberius have bribed someone?

And if Tony could roll his eyes, he would.

Because, of course, Tiberius would bribe someone.

He tries to snarl something around the gag—an insult, a plea, a demand, he isn’t sure—when another set of hands wraps around his legs, lifting his feet from the floor. He’s bodily carried from his bedroom, pinned between two or three people like a struggling cat.

The estate’s corridors blur by in frantic half-steps and stumbles. Tony’s sense of direction is shot. He’s never been more aware of the echoes of footsteps, the shifts in the air, the temperature changes between rooms. They’re moving fast, too fast for him to count corners or guess where they’re headed. Outside? Probably. He can feel the rush of warmer air—summer night humidity clinging to his skin. Then a jarring tilt, a sudden down-step—stairs—and he almost slips from their grip. They hoist him higher, ignoring the bruises no doubt forming on his arms.

Eventually, they reach what Tony assumes is the driveway—or maybe the side parking lot? He’s not sure. Either way, he hears the slam of a heavy door, feels the shift of night air replaced by stifling, enclosed darkness. A vehicle. A van, most likely. The sting of metal against his bare ankles confirms it: he’s being shoved into a cargo area.

The engine rumbles to life.

He’s moving. And there’s nothing he can do about it.

It’s a long drive.

Could be an hour, could be three—Tony’s sense of time distorts into a haze of terror and anger. His limbs ache from being twisted in an uncomfortable position. The gag is suffocating; saliva soaks into the fabric, and breathing becomes an exercise in willpower. He’s painfully aware of every noise: the hum of the van’s tires against asphalt, the occasional hiss of static on a radio, subdued voices murmuring instructions.

He keeps trying to place them—who the hell are these people? But none of the voices are distinct enough to recognize. They don’t speak enough for him to get a real read. All he can do is nurse his fury and try to calm the wild, panicked flutter in his chest.

He realizes that everyone in the van can probably smell his panic. The thought angers him as much as it should unsettle him.

By the time his right hand is asleep, Tony’s fully convinced Tiberius is behind everything

The slimy bastard had threatened him, after all—threatened to ensure Tony couldn’t run, threatened to force the bond before Tony could do anything about it. This must be Tiberius’s next move, right?

And yet…

The way these people handle him isn’t the typical manhandling of personal goons. They feel more regimented, more disciplined—like soldiers. They keep Tony pinned with minimal force, never letting him slip free, but not breaking bones either. They haven’t battered him unconscious.

They’re rough, but they aren’t sloppy. Professional.

Besides, it doesn’t match the typical brute force Tony’s beloved betrothed would probably employ.

So… maybe Howard’s enemies? Or some other corporate sabotage? Or possibly Howard himself, pulling a twisted power play? Tony doesn’t know. He can only stew in the uncertainty as the miles roll by beneath them.

Eventually, the van stops.

There’s a jolting sense of movement as the doors slide open. The arms haul him out again, and the night air—or is it morning now?—smacks him in the face. The temperature is cooler, less humid. Maybe they’re farther north, or near a coastline. Tony can’t tell. Everything’s disorienting.

They drag him through another threshold, and the air changes again: colder, staler, artificially filtered. A building with heavy ventilation, maybe a lab or an industrial facility. The faint hum of fluorescent lights overhead sets his nerves on edge. The floor under his feet is concrete. His toes are cold. The blindfold is still on, pressing uncomfortably into the bridge of his nose, and every small sound—footsteps, the rustle of clothing, the echo of doors opening—is a brand-new source of panic.

They march him down a corridor—turn left, then right, then left again. Tony keeps track of corners automatically, clinging to whatever details he can glean. He tries to force himself to memorize the route, just in case an opportunity to escape arises.

At last, they halt. A door hisses open—mechanical, high-tech. Then Tony is shoved forward, stumbling blindly until he collides with the cold metal of a chair. He grips its back to steady himself. The hands on his arms don’t let go until he’s properly seated.

Then, mercifully, the blindfold slips away, undone from behind. Tony flinches at the sudden brightness, eyes watering as he blinks rapidly. The gag remains, cutting off any immediate demands he might have.

His surroundings come into focus slowly: white walls, bright overhead lights, a wide mirrored window on one side—one-way glass. Definitely an interrogation room. Stainless steel table, two chairs, minimal furnishings. No windows. No sign of Tiberius or anyone else Tony recognizes.

Tony’s chest heaves, each breath rasping past the gag. He’s about to try and speak around the cloth when when one of the men in dark suits steps forward. Without ceremony, he grabs hold of the cloth and yanks it free with a sharp tug. The burn in Tony’s mouth is immediate; the corners of his lips sting, raw from friction. He coughs, sputtering.

“What the—cough—hell—” He sucks in a deep breath. “Where am I?” His voice comes out harsh and ragged. He looks around, seeing that the people who brought him here—maybe three or four?—are stepping back toward the door. None of them answer. “Who are you working for?”

Tony demands, anger lacing every syllable. “Stone? Howard? Who?”

No one responds.

Lovely.

One by one, they file out, leaving him alone in the room with only the reflection of his disheveled self in the mirrored glass. Tony curses loudly, stands up, slams his palm against the table to anchor his swirling thoughts.

Nothing. No response.

“Hey!” Tony barks, his voice cracking slightly, raw from the gag. “This is kidnapping, you bunch of two-bit gangsters! You can’t just—just—” He slams his palm against the cold metal table, the sharp sound cutting through the room. Frustration burns hot in his chest, setting his nerves on edge. “Do you have any idea who I am? If my father doesn’t skin you alive for this, I—”

He cuts himself off, bile rising in his throat at the mention of his father.

Howard’s involvement is ambiguous, but Tony can’t imagine him orchestrating something so clandestine. Usually, Howard likes to operate in the spotlight of his own ego.

This feels too neat, too government.

Seconds tick by. Minutes, maybe. The buzzing fluorescent light overhead sets his teeth on edge.

Tony paces, every muscle wound tight, his mind racing with a thousand worst-case scenarios.

He’s being tested, or they’re waiting for him to break, or Tiberius is about to walk in with a smug grin and a twisted contract of his own.

When the door finally clicks, Tony whirls around so fast he nearly topples the chair. He braces himself, fists clenched at his sides, bracing for Tiberius or a stranger or maybe even some official he’s never met.

Instead, Abraham Erskine steps through.

Tony stands still, unmoving. Stunned.

Erskine closes the door behind him with deliberate care. He wears a utilitarian suit, tie slightly askew, as though he threw it on in a hurry.

He looks… tired.

“Stark,” Erskine says quietly, his accent unmistakable. “I do apologize. Truly, this was not how I intended to do this.”

Tony blinks, adrenaline coursing through him. “You—what—why—?” It could be the interrupted sleep, or the lack of caffeine, but he can’t seem to process the fact that it’s the German doctor in front of him, not some foreign operative or Tiberius Stone’s hired muscle.

Erskine offers a small, apologetic tilt of his head. “The dramatics were… regrettable. But it was necessary. Bringing you here discreetly was the only way we could ensure your father—and certain parties—would not interfere.”

Tony’s pulse still thrums with leftover adrenaline. His mind wrestles with contradictory impulses—run or demand answers—but his body is too exhausted to do either effectively. He slumps back against the metal chair, every nerve on high alert.

“Not how you intended to do this?” he hisses, voice shaking with residual fury and no small dose of fear. “You—what the hell is going on, Erskine? You abducted me.”

Erskine exhales heavily, stepping closer with slow, deliberate movements, as though trying not to spook a cornered animal. “It wasn’t my first choice, Anthony.” He gestures apologetically at the mirrored glass and the harsh lighting. “But we were running out of time, and it was critical that we get you away from Stark Industries—away from Howard’s estate—without drawing attention.”

Tony’s eyes narrow. “This is the Strategic Scientific Reserve, isn’t it? Some secret bunker in the middle of nowhere.” He flings an arm at the sterile walls. “Could’ve just asked me to come along, you know. Maybe sent a nice letter? A singing telegram? Instead of… this.” He motions to the reddened marks on his wrists where the bindings had cut into his skin.

Erskine’s mouth twitches like he’s fighting a smile. “Mm, yes, I considered a formal invitation. But then I remembered your father reads your mail. Besides, we had to circumvent certain… legal entanglements. From what little you’ve told me, I understand you have… contractual obligations. And that you wish to be free of them.”

“My father reads my mail?”

Erskine continues, voice even. “The law is not in your favor, Tony. You know this. Omegas—especially those with binding contracts—have little recourse without intervention. We are that intervention.”

Tony huffs a breath, shifting his weight like he’s trying to shake off the tension crawling up his spine. “And what, you just happened to have a legal team on hand to pull an Omega out of a bonding contract? Not sure if I buy that little fairytale.”

Erskine actually smiles at that, small and wry. “No, I planned for it. I had already begun drafting the petition once you called me. I anticipated you would need an alternative to your current… situation.”

Erskine then settles into the other chair, leaning forward with his hands laced atop the metal table. There’s a studied calm to his posture, like a kindly professor about to walk a student through a complicated theorem. The fluorescent light overhead hums, painting Erskine’s face in tired lines.

“Let me explain, Tony,” he begins, voice subdued. “I plan to invoke what is known as the ‘Defense Priority Omega Provision’—an emergency wartime statute that rarely sees the light of day, even within these halls. It’s been on the books less than a year.”

Tony rubs his sore arms, wincing at the faint bruises left by the government lackeys. “But why? I didn’t even know the War Department had laws that could override standard Omega guardianship.”

“It’s a convoluted legal beast,” Erskine admits. “When war broke out, the War Department pushed for a series of emergency measures to secure any and all resources they deemed critical. Usually, they aim for materials—steel, rubber, uranium. But in theory, the same logic can apply to specialized personnel, including…” His eyes flick sympathetically to Tony. “…unbonded Omegas with key expertise. Nurses, mainly. Medical staff.”

Tony’s heart gives an unsteady thump at being referred to as a ‘key resource.’ He’s not sure whether it’s flattering or unnerving. “So you’re saying the SSR can basically step in and say, ‘We need Tony Stark for national defense,’ and that trumps my father’s guardianship? And—and the bonding contract?” He stumbles over the last phrase, Tiberius’s sneering voice a jagged echo in his mind.

Erskine offers a small, encouraging nod. “Exactly so. Under this statute, the SSR is authorized to file a federal injunction on your behalf—if I can prove that you are indispensable. It won’t sever your father’s guardianship permanently, not immediately, but it will suspend it for the duration of your involvement with our project.”

Tony frowns, lips pressing into a thin line. “So this would be… temporary?”

“For now, yes,” Erskine says gently. “But experience shows once you’ve been granted a measure of legal autonomy—especially in a high-security context—it’s difficult for anyone to reassert the old constraints. The War Department wouldn’t easily relinquish valuable personnel to a private Alpha who might hamper the war effort. You’d remain under an SSR ‘protective contract’—not so different from a civilian consultant—but with additional legal shields in place because of your Omega status. A judge’s signature would ensure neither Howard nor your intended Alpha could force you back home against your will.”

Tony’s pulse hitches at the thought of a protective contract. The last time he heard the word ‘contract,’ it involved Howard trying to brand Tony’s neck for good a mere two days ago. But this… “So I’d be… effectively on loan to the SSR,” he says slowly, processing. “As long as you need my math, you keep me safe.”

It sounds ludicrous to even say out loud.

Erskine gives a faint, wry smile. “It’s an extraordinary measure for extraordinary times. The formal petition is an ‘Emergency Guardianship Override’—coupled with a ‘Non-Compete Injunction’ that bars your father and your Alpha from interfering. We’d cite the War Powers Act of ’41, along with our own SSR statutes and this new Omega provision. It sounds complicated—because it is—but the net result is straightforward: you would answer to us, not Howard, for the duration of this work.”

Tony wants to scoff at the idea of answering to anyone, because he’s Tony, but it’s still better than being under Howard’s thumb.

He also can’t ignore the coil of real fear that tightens in his chest every time he thinks about confronting his father. “He’s not going to stand for it,” Tony mutters, knuckles going white where they grip the table. “When he finds out I’ve gone behind his back… he’s not just going to yell, Erskine. He gets—” Tony’s throat works. He can almost feel Howard’s hand clamping down, bruises blossoming. “He gets physical.”

Erskine’s expression darkens, genuine concern etched across his features. “I’m sorry, Anthony,” he says softly. “Truly. I suspected Howard’s temper was no small matter, but I didn’t realize…” He clears his throat, something like sorrow flickering behind his glasses. “Well. Under these War Department clauses, if your father tried to forcibly remove you from SSR premises or harm you, he’d be in violation of a federal injunction and could face charges as serious as treason—especially if it was deemed sabotage of essential defense personnel.”

Tony’s breath catches. “Treason? Because of me?”

“Yes,” Erskine agrees quietly. “But it means you’d be protected. Legally, physically. They’ll station guards if necessary. Your father might be powerful, Tony, but the federal government has ways of ensuring cooperation—especially during wartime.”

Tony drags a hand down his face, exhaustion settling over him like a heavy blanket. “All right. Okay. Jesus. So let’s say we do that. I get assigned to this project under SSR oversight. But how long are we talking? Because this—” He gestures at the sterile interrogation room. “This doesn’t exactly feel like a place I want to hole up in for the rest of the war. I have a… I have a life out there. I can’t just vanish for a year.”

“We don’t intend for you to live on-site permanently. The chamber construction is projected to run at least through next summer—maybe longer—but that doesn’t mean you’ll be confined here the entire time. Once we secure the injunction, you’ll be free to come and go under SSR jurisdiction. Think of it as a specialized consultancy contract. You’ll return here for major breakthroughs, tests, demonstrations. In between, you can live wherever you choose—Brooklyn, if that’s your preference.” He arches a subtle eyebrow.

Brooklyn. Just the mention of it unleashes a tumult of hope tangled with dread. Tony’s mind jumps straight to Bucky—God, he’s been picturing Bucky’s restless pacing ever since the van ride, those broad hands curled white-knuckled, ready to stand against the entire world once Monday night comes and Tony doesn’t appear at the cramped apartment like he promised.

He can practically feel his Alpha’s anxiety, that fierce protectiveness turning into a raw, furious determination. Bucky would tear through every street, every corner of the city, until he was certain Tony was safe.

Suddenly, the ache in Tony’s chest is impossible to ignore. He lowers his gaze, swallowing hard before forcing himself to speak. “I… yeah,” he manages, voice tight. “Brooklyn would be good. I—there’s someone… some people there.” It’s lame, not nearly the declaration he wants to make—I have an Alpha who’s my everything, and I need to get back to him.

Erskine nods, a fleeting smile acknowledging Tony’s unspoken admission. “There would be restrictions, of course,” he cautions gently. “You can’t publicly share anything about the project. You’ll probably have to meet with an SSR liaison regularly for status updates. But otherwise, you can maintain a private life. We’re not trying to conscript you, Tony. We just need your work.”

Tony swallows the rush of conflicting emotions—gratitude, fear, relief, disbelief. “You make it sound almost too good to be true,” he mutters. “But I guess if it keeps Howard and—” He hesitates, heart pounding at the thought of Tiberius. “—and any other Alpha from forcing a bond on me, I’ll take my chances. Speaking of which,” he says, “where the hell are we, anyway? Because I swear if we’re in some government dungeon in Manhattan, you people really took the scenic route.”

Erskine shifts, as though weighing whether to divulge that detail. Eventually, he says, “This is an SSR holding facility in New Jersey.”

Tony stares at him, deadpan. “New Jersey?” The words drip with derision. “You kidnapped me and dragged me across state lines just to plop me into the one situation that might be worse than a forced bond?” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “God. If my father doesn’t kill me, the smell of this place might do it.”

Erskine hums in amusement. “I didn’t realize you held such animosity for your neighbor.”

Tony snorts. “Neighbor, schneighbor. Guess we just skip Manhattan, skip civilization, and hide in some random bunker in an East Coast armpit.” He throws his hands up. “Great. Can’t wait to sample the local… bagels.”

Erskine regards him quietly for a moment. “May I ask one thing?”

Tony tenses. “What?”

“If there is someone in Brooklyn you trust—someone you might want to inform you’re safe—” Erskine lifts a hand in a calming gesture. “We can arrange a discreet communication. No details of your location or the project, of course, but perhaps a short telegram letting them know you’re unharmed.”

Tony’s chest tightens. Bucky’s face flashes through his mind. He wants nothing more than to tell him, I’m okay, don’t do anything reckless, but the risk… “Maybe,” he says, voice rough. “Let me think about it.” The last thing he needs is a paper trail leading Howard or Tiberius to Bucky’s door.

“Of course,” Erskine says. He’s perceptive enough not to pry further. “But know that it’s an option. We don’t want your life suspended entirely.”

Tony nods, releasing a slow breath that does little to quell the racing in his veins. “All right. So… when does this all go down? The hearing, the demonstration, the whole dog-and-pony show?”

“It’s set to move swiftly,” Erskine explains, laying out the timeline with methodical care. “Colonel Phillips arrives in a few days, along with Senator Brandt. We’ll brief them on your role and demonstrate that Howard’s current blueprint is unworkable without your corrections. Once we have their backing, we’ll file the injunction in federal court—likely in Washington, if we can expedite it. Given the war climate, I expect they’ll push it through quickly.”

He folds his hands. “In the meantime, you’ll begin reviewing the existing Chamber schematics. Identify every critical flaw, start drafting solutions. If the War Department sees that you’ve already made progress—maybe even solved major issues—they won’t hesitate to sign off on your provisional independence.”

“So,” Tony says, voice rough, “I roll out the improvements on Howard’s designs, prove I’m not just some spare part, and then… the War Department grants me independence? They’ll step in and remind him he can’t keep me under lock and key?”

A faint smile touches Erskine’s lips. “That’s the essence, yes. Of course, Howard remains a powerful figure—he won’t be dismissed from the project entirely. In fact, we still need him for funding and resources, not to mention his existing contracts. The government can’t exactly throw Stark Industries out the door. But we can set legal boundaries around you. If we can show you’re vital on your own terms, the War Department won’t let him override that.”

Tony’s mouth tightens at the thought of Howard retaining any control, but he exhales through his nose, reminding himself that partial freedom is still miles better than none. “Well, it’s not a perfect solution,” he says wryly, “but I’m sure I can find a way to live with it.”

He doesn’t tell Erskine that it’s more privilege than anyone has ever promised him. That the promise of it is so tempting that Tony can almost taste it.

“Another option is to file a sworn statement about any… potential mistreatment, to emphasize the national interest in keeping you safe. The War Department could label it an anti-sabotage measure, if necessary.”

The suggestion hangs in the air, sharp as glass. Tony’s face shutters, all amusement draining away at the thought of sharing details of Howard’s cruelty—in writing, on an official document no less. His stomach churns violently. He shakes his head, words caught in his throat. “No,” he says at last, bracing his palms against the table. “I’m not—I’m not doing that.”

Erskine doesn’t press. “Understood,” he says quietly, and leaves it at that. He stands, pushing his chair back with a soft scrape. His smile is subdued, but there’s gentle warmth behind it.

“Regardless, Tony, you should know you aren’t alone here. The SSR is prepared to see this through. And—if I may speak freely—I have every faith you can outshine even your father’s reputation.”

Tony’s throat works around a tangle of emotion. He thinks of Bucky again, of that quiet vows they shared in the dark of a cramped Brooklyn dorm room: We’ll figure this out. We’ll find a way. Maybe this is it.

He stands too, legs still shaky from the night’s ordeal, but he musters a ragged half-smile. “All right, Doc,” he says. “Point me to the nearest drafting table, and let’s fix your mechanical fiasco. Then we can kick my father’s guardianship all the way to Siberia. And, uh… any chance you’ve got some pants on standby?” He glances down at his bare legs with a grimace. “Or at least a bathrobe? I’m all for making a statement, but this wasn’t exactly the outfit I had in mind for my big professional debut.”

Erskine’s grin warms into something genuine. “Follow me,” he says, opening the door to the corridor. “First, we’ll get you settled in. This facility isn’t home, but we’ll do our best to make you comfortable for now. And once the immediate demonstration’s done, we can talk about letting you return to Brooklyn.”

As Tony steps out into the glaring hallway lights, a quiet sense of possibility hums in his chest. It’s not a guarantee—he knows that. There’s a thousand ways this could blow up in his face, especially if Howard gets wind of it too soon, or if Tiberius angles for a final power grab. But if the government can truly shield him… maybe Tony can have a future that doesn’t end in a forced bond or a black eye.

A future that includes Bucky, openly, without fear.

Until he leaves Tony.

But that’s a problem for another day.

Tony will make it work, if only for the sake of the promise he made to himself—and, in unspoken moments, to Bucky. No more hiding. No more limping away from Howard’s fists or another Alpha’s schemes.

And so when Erskine leads him past a pair of uniformed guards who nod respectfully, Tony—with as much dignity as he can muster in his wrinkled undershirt and bare feet—straightens his spine and returns it.

He has work to do.

#winteriron #bucky barnes #tony stark #wip #ao3 #steve rogers #alpha/beta/omega au #captain america #tony stark x bucky barnes

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woodswallow · 23 days ago

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Upgrading the shoes and belt (Arcane Vi Cosplay part 5)

I am making huge progress with my pit fighter Vi cosplay, I need to catch up with documenting! :)

There are very little scenes where we can see her shoes properly, only when she drops her gauntles in the tunnel we see a close-up (bad screenshot of a screenshot...):

At first I thought about buying new shoes and alter them, but that would have cost me at least 150€...and on a second hand website I found these ones, which already had the right look - I am very happy with this find!

At first I dyed the shoelaces a bit darker:

Then I painted the silver eyelets with acrylic paint that I mixed myself:

I also painted the black inner lining with that red colour, because I didn't want them to show when the shoe flaps are kind of loose and opened up:

Then I cut and painted some foam with golden paint and glued it to the shoe to simulate the metal parts:

And here they are :)

I whished that they looked a bit more "heavy", especially the sole - but all in all I am quite happy with the outcome :)

Vi is still wearing her enforcer belt, but it looks a bit beaten up by now, the gear symbol is gone and it has a few wears and tears:

For the belt I decided to upgrade one I bought from a "china cosplay store"...I didn't really like that but I decided that I can't make everything from scratch, so yeah. I paid 15€ for it and the quality was surprisingly okay! I could easily peel of the gear symbol wich was just a sticker - so the cheap quality was a plus in this case ^^ I Gave it a few scratches with sandpaper and I really liked the look:

Despite me measuring my size before ordering, it was way too big, so I had to add extra velcro-parts:

I weathered everything with sand paper:

I didn't like the flat buckle, so I took it off and made my own from foam with a rotary tool:

After that I primed it and then painted it with my trusty golden paint and glued it to the belt:

It doesn't really look like metal, but I like the look far better that what it came with :)

I will make a new post soon! Pants are ready, jacket is almost done! :)

#vi arcane #arcane vi #arcane lol #arcane #cosplay #vi arcane cosplay #personal #personal post #art #my art #crafting #pit fighter vi #pit fighter vi cosplay

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bkgexe · 4 months ago

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rotary devotion

caleb (love and deepspace) x reader ✾ part 2/2 ✾ 19.7 (35k total)

✾ info! part one

✾ tw! yandere-adjacent activities typical in canon. f!reader referred to w/ gendered language and she/her pronouns.

✾ notes! reminder of angst with a happy(ish) ending lmaoo. smut in this part uhhh they r pretty switch-y both of them so watch out for that also dry humping + oral f!receiving + they're both weird as hell. read on ao3 if u would prefer!

He’s done everything they’ve asked of him. He’s achieved one of the highest ranks in the Farspace Fleet. He’s reintegrated himself into your life somewhat smoothly. He’s become powerful beyond measure, refined his Evol to a point that his strength and precision are unmatched. Ever has modified him into something different, something he can’t come back from. He’s their perfect weapon.

Surely this means they can fix you now. He has to have done enough.

Professor Lucius doesn’t usually respond to Caleb’s requests to meet, but he was insistent this time. He made threats he really had no place to make. Knows that their worst nightmare would be Caleb killing himself and wiping out all the progress they’ve made. They know he has the willpower to do it, too. He knows he’s just a weapon. Understands that ultimately, all he’ll become is a machine. He wants to live, but he wants you to live more.

His only regret would be leaving you permanently. Inflicting that trauma on you a second time and not being there when it comes time to heal.

The professor always conducts his meetings in the gardens. Something about the positive impact of nature on mental well-being. A line straight out of a textbook. Lucius has never felt like a real person. He’s like a machine, too, even though he beats out Caleb in the competition of flesh and blood.

“Colonel.” Lucius has a hard time putting respect into his voice when he says this. As if Caleb got his position through Ever’s string-pulling alone, as if he didn’t put in hard work and sweat to get where he is.

“Professor.” Caleb affords him the same courtesy. He doubts the piece of shit in front of him earned this title in any real, concrete way.

Lucius has a watering can. He tilts it over some blooming azaleas, pink-white blossoms reaching up towards the sun. Droplets of water catch on the petals, pulling them backwards harshly, damaging the flowers. There are real groundskeepers that do this work, but Lucius likes to play at caretaker. “This must be important if you threatened to go to such a drastic extreme,” he says. He watches the azaleas sway in the light breeze instead of looking at Caleb. “Yet you’re wasting my time with silence.”

“I’ve done everything you wanted. And I’ll keep doing more,” Caleb says. He takes his hat off, worries the rim of it in his hand, the one he can feel with. If he can keep his nerves to this one spot, then the professor might believe that he’s approaching this with boundless confidence. “It’s time for you to fix her.”

The expression that overtakes Lucius’s face is grim. Something about it makes Caleb’s stomach twist uncomfortably, makes him feel like he’s about to be pushed off the edge of the gardens, fall to the ground below.

He’s fifty floors up. The fall would be long. He’d think about you all the way down.

“Are you really in a place to be making demands?” Lucius asks. “You don’t think I’ll actually let you end your life without my permission, do you?”

“I do,” Caleb says, “because you agreed to this meeting. Even if you have some kind of control over me, there’s a chance that it could slip. I’m a quick shot. Won’t even need five seconds.”

Instead of responding to the threat, instead of killing Caleb right out to prove that he’s unnecessary, instead of folding immediately because his plans could be rendered impossible—Lucius smiles. It’s a terrible, gut-wrenching thing. The smile of a man that hasn’t felt joy over anything except the suffering of others for too many years to count. “Well, Colonel, I have some wonderful news for you.”

Caleb doesn’t breathe. He’s afraid that Lucius is going to say that somehow, out of his sight for five minutes, they’ve already killed you. If your name comes out of the professor’s mouth, he doesn’t know what he’ll do. His heart rate is already climbing dangerously high, and he tries to breathe deep and even. Keep things calm inside of him. He can’t lose more than he already has.

“She no longer requires our help.”

It’s not at all what Caleb had expected to hear. Internally, his confidence falters. There’s information he doesn’t have. Something important they’ve neglected to tell him. Is this how you feel every time you find out something new he’s been keeping from you? No—he does that to protect you. Lucius has kept something important under wraps for this very moment, to undermine Caleb when he thinks he has an upper hand. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

That smile again. Sharp-edged, the way a wolf smiles its way into an animal’s skin. “Her aether core has been repaired. She found another fragment and used it to stabilize the one in her heart.”

[ ] telling the truth or not. [ ] for you.

“Your silence speaks of confusion. I’ll make it simpler: she will live a long, healthy life. Well—as long and healthy of a life as a Hunter commonly lives. There’s no risk anymore.” Lucius nods, as if trying to cajole Caleb into nodding with him. “Everything you’ve done for us… We appreciate it, but it seems the reward you were seeking has already been granted.”

Everything he’s done for them. [ ] forgive him. You wouldn’t. You wouldn’t, he’s sure of it. He [ ]. So you would be okay. So they would fix you.

“You should be happy. It’s what you wanted.”

You’ll be okay. You’ll be okay. Even as emotion crawls up his throat and makes him feel like he’s going to throw up, like he’s [ ], he’s so relieved by the fact that you’re okay.

“I believe it was the Onychinus leader that helped her acquire the fragment she needed. Her lover. Seems his time was better placed than yours in the end, no?”

[ ]. [ ]. [ ]. [ ]. [ ]. [ ]. [ ]. Her lover. [ ]. [ ]. [ ]. Your [ ]. [ ]. [ ]. [ ]. [ ]. [ ].

The Toring Chip pulls him back from the precipice when he’s being yanked off of the professor, when [ ] and there’s blood on his hands. Lucius [ ], his nose surely broken, front teeth [ ], but he still smiles. Nothing Caleb has done has been for anything, and [ ] for you, because he loves you, because he would do anything for you.

He fights against the guards that pull him away, metal arm freeing itself easily. They shouldn’t have made him so strong. He breaks [ ] before they subdue him, before [ ]. He’s on the ground. His face is pushed into grass, into dirt. [ ] and it meant nothing. It meant nothing.

But you’re okay. You’re okay and he could cry with relief. He is, he thinks. Something is so deeply wrong inside of him and he doesn’t want to be that way. He loves you. He loves you so much. He loves you so, so much and you’re going to be okay. He [ ] if he ever even so much as gets a glimpse of the guy that [ ] you. Her lover.

Someone else took his job from him. He’s the one that’s supposed to protect you. That’s supposed to heal you. That’s supposed to be there when you need him. And he was gone for so long that you [ ] with someone that wasn’t him, and he’s going to kill someone. He’s going to kill someone. He’s going to put Lucius in the ground.

There was another way. Of course [ ]. Ever has lied to him so many times that he should have assumed, but there was another way to heal you. His impulsiveness got him here. If he’d just waited instead of believing them outright, he could [ ] and he would be whole and maybe you’d love him the way he wants you to.

Sound cuts in and out. It feels like his brain is a processor, overheating, melting into hardware. He hears the guards holding him down ask the professor if they should dispose of him and he laughs. Because he would love to see them try. He could break their necks easily if his head wasn’t pounding the way it is, if the chip wasn’t working overtime to subdue him. He could turn these people into paste. (She would be afraid of you. She would be so afraid.) He’s losing more of himself with every passing day, with every emotional lapse of judgement, and he wishes he could go back.

He just wants to be the boy that dried your hair for you after you showered, that sat with you on the porch in late summer and held you in his arms as you read to him from whatever book you were in the middle of. He didn't even need context for what you read to him—he just wanted an excuse to hear your voice for as long as he was allowed.

“Let him go,” Lucius says through the blood in his mouth. “He’s learned his lesson.”

When the guards let him go, he can’t stand up immediately. The cool dampness of the ground beneath him is the only thing that keeps his head from feeling like it’s going to cleave itself from his body. There are gaps in places there shouldn’t be gaps. (She can’t see you like this.) There are white spots in his vision that feel permanent. He claws at the ground with his hand and he can’t feel it, he can’t feel it, the same coolness that touches his face, that stains his skin.

His hand. His hand isn’t real. [ ]. That’s why. Replaced. Cold metal. Can’t feel you with it. (Want to so bad.) Your lover. Can’t feel you with it at all and didn’t even know you’d memorized the details of him. The stretch marks that are gone. He loves you so much. Of course you’d notice. He loves you so much.

“Get up.”

Your palm against his chest. His heart beating under your hand. You could tear it out. He wants it to be yours. He loves you so much. Your lover. Summer heat, buzzing and sticky. Sitting on the porch with you. He can’t feel you with it. Cold metal. He loves you so much.

“You’re embarrassing yourself. Get up.”

Buzzing in his head, like the low drone of summer. Sticky heat. God, he wants you. Your lover. Caleb. I didn’t sleep with him. He needs you to know. He needs you to know.

A foot nudges his side. His coat. The uniform of the colonel. He gets to his knees, then stumbles to his feet. His head is lightning, heat, pain. His vision is black at its edges. He needs you to know. Know what? Your lover. He loves you so much. Caleb. I didn’t sleep with him. Summer with you. (She likes to wake up at nine, so you’re up at eight.) Vacation, when he monopolized most of your time. Mornings he made you breakfast. In the afternoon, he took you to amusement parks, movies, any restaurant you wanted. You liked the shitty place a few blocks away that only did shakes and burgers and fries. (Don’t swear in front of her.) A little more upscale than other fast food places. No drive-thru. Strawberry or chocolate, sometimes with whipped cream. You changed your mind enough that he could never preemptively order for you. Didn’t want to get it wrong. It made him feel like he didn’t know you sometimes, the fact that he couldn’t tell what you were going to want just by your mood.

He wants to be that boy again.

[ ].

“Colonel?” someone asks, and it’s your voice. It’s not your voice. You wouldn’t call him that. Caleb. He wishes it was your voice. (She shouldn’t see you like this.) He misses you. He wants something but he can’t remember what it is. He misses you. “ Colonel.”

“Yeah,” he says. His voice is rough, breaking in his throat. Trying to swallow past the feeling of the gravel in his mouth proves difficult. Trees stand tall above him, growing strong even on top of this building. The azaleas seem to glow, their pink and white blooms fully highlighted by the beaming sun. Their scent is on the breeze, light and honey-like. Spongy earth gives slightly beneath his feet. A fertile garden. A verdant paradise. Breathing deep used to ground him. Now it just reminds him that he’s alive.

A security guard stands in front of him. Lucius is gone. Probably to the infirmary. Blood still adorns Caleb’s knuckles. Dirt is caked into the knees of his slacks. (You’re disgusting.) The guard crosses his arms, impatient. He’s asked Caleb to do something that he didn’t hear. Leave, probably.

“I’m going,” Caleb says.

The guard doesn’t stop him. He stalks back through the garden, into the professor’s observatory and to the elevators. There’s a destination in his heart, somewhere he needs to be so badly he could choke on it.

He needs to find you. He needs to find your lover.

˚✧ ﾟ.

His childhood, a list of wants: safety, warmth, food.

There were no parents in the picture, as far back as he can remember. Fate twisted unfortunately, putting him in a foster home run by a group of scientists. Foster home was too good a word for what it really was—an orphanage, essentially, that just managed to pass during inspections by governmental child care services.

Ten kids, including you. The lab across the street. Constant visits, though he managed to avoid them for a long time. Sometimes kids didn’t come back. Adopted, the matron of the house would tell everyone. No one thought about it too hard. It meant there would be more food for the rest of you.

Each item on his list, crossed off daily. Just. He learned to be self-sufficient, learned the finer points of dealing with people. The matron liked him best because he was charming, kind, looked out for the other kids. The kids liked him best because he would give them his treats, breaking whatever candies or baked goods he received into pieces to share with everyone else. There are laws to give and take. People follow them because they’re born into them. They don’t even realize they’re adhering to doctrine.

But Caleb realized. He knew, even at eleven, the basics of what made people tick.

They took you the most often. Something changed at a certain point, and Caleb was no longer the favorite. You were—quiet, tiny you , with your small voice and empty eyes. At first, he resented you for it. You’d get bigger portions than anyone else, the way he used to. He lost some of his leverage with the rest of the kids. Less to share with them. He lost special privileges with the matron. Staying out later to play with his friends from school became more of an argument, asking for any sort of allowance was rendered impossible.

You acted like you didn’t know anyone. It bothered him. It made him seethe, in fact, that even though you were younger than him, you acted like you were above him. So he did what he was good at. He observed you. Watched, learned, interacted with you more to try to get a read on you. Laughed with you, told the same jokes he told everyone because it made them feel secure. You can always trust someone you can laugh with. Slowly, he came to understand. It wasn’t that you were acting like you didn’t know anyone.

You were forgetting. They were making you forget.

Every time you went to that lab, you came back with your eyes even emptier, your hands always balled into fists. You chewed on the ends of your hair and sat on your bed and didn’t move until mealtime. Because you were scared. You didn’t know any of these people. You didn’t know where you were.

Caleb’s list of wants was small. Self-sufficient. But he considered, even then, what it would feel like to extend that list to you. Safety, warmth, food. He had never been a provider. Taking was easier for him, especially when he could do it with a boyish smile and an ingratiating thank you.

They started bringing Caleb to the lab on his twelfth birthday—and before then, he thought he understood. He thought he had come to understand you.

The worst part was that they didn’t make him forget. Or maybe that wasn’t something they were doing—maybe your brain was rewiring itself, protecting you from the things inside that building. From the serums injected between fingers, the centrifugal stress tests, the cell mutation, the machines that froze the body to a point of near-death and the machines that would warm it until it felt like being burned alive, the Evol amplifiers, the sensory-deprivation chambers, the forced body enhancement, the interviews with their questions that didn’t make any sense but felt terribly important.

Caleb grew eleven inches in three weeks. None of his clothes fit him. His skin burned—burned like it did in the machines, burned with the way it was begging his bones and muscles to stop expanding, burned with the wrongness of his sudden growth spurt.

His childhood, a list of wants: food, quiet, relief from the pain.

Taking care of you started with reintroducing himself every time you returned from across the street. Turned into removing the ends of your hair from your mouth when you were anxious, letting you play with his instead. He’d go to school with tiny little braids in his hair that you left there, brush it off when anyone made fun of him. Portions of his food were saved for you. You always got to shower first, when the water was hottest. The matron would sometimes put the best treats aside for him, old loyalties, and they would be yours without you even having to ask.

Each time you forgot sent him back to the beginning. Slowly, you would begin to talk to him. Slowly, you would begin to smile. He could do this as many times as you needed. Even when his bones ached with a pain that no child should ever have to know, he would make sure that you were clean and fed and content as possible with the life the two of you had been given.

The number of children in the foster home dwindled and he started getting restless. Started worrying when they took you away, even though it was clear that something about you was very important to the people across the street. If you didn’t return, he didn’t know what he would do. He’d already gained incredible control over his Evol. He made you laugh by floating things in the air, sailing paper airplanes across the cramped space of your communal bedroom. They made him do more at the lab. They made him crush things even bigger than him. Cars, tons of solid metal, massive slabs of rock.

Sometimes smaller things. Sometimes things that were scared, that reminded him of you in their innocence.

It was hard for him to touch you after those days. You’d ask him to braid your hair and he’d have to say no, even though it killed him to say no to you. Because he didn’t deserve it. Didn’t deserve to touch you and find solace in your presence when he was capable of such things.

His childhood, a list of wants: your safety, your happiness, a place to rest his head.

The Chronorift Catastrophe itself couldn’t touch his small list of priorities. The woman that found him in one of the camps for lost or orphaned children was one he recognized. At first, he was scared. She had interviewed him once. Twice, she had been the one administering the needle into the delicate skin between his fingers.

But she made it clear that something about now was different. She didn’t want to take him back there. She promised. And though he would never say this out loud—there were things he knew he could do if she reneged that promise. Things he would hate himself for, but things that were necessary.

He needed the help of an adult. Of someone that had some kind of power, some kind of status after Linkon was nearly destroyed. I don’t know where she is, he told her—and she knew he was talking about you.

The worst part about rebuilding his life after the Catastrophe was that you had forgotten again. It felt more significant this time. A new home that he was learning at the same pace as you. He didn’t know how to protect you because he didn’t know what threats to look out for.

Josephine was kind. Caleb would tell this to anyone that asked. But there was something stopping him from forgetting the way she looked at him when she administered the needle—the way she looked through him, the same way he was sure she had looked through you.

And it’s not like the experiments didn’t leave their mark. He had his own problems, sure—frequent body aches, chills that put him in cold sweats for hours, joint freezes that he had to push through, forcing himself past limits that couldn’t be breached healthily—but yours were worse. Whatever they’d done to you left you with a heart condition that had to be monitored. Doctor’s appointments every other week, medication that ruined your appetite. He tried to keep you fed, but it was hard when the idea of eating pushed you to tears. You hated the hospital. You hated the medication. You hated the pain. How could he ever look Josephine in the eye and genuinely thank her for taking the two of you in when this is what her experiments had done to you?

Caleb was very good at a lot of things. Gifted, one might say, if you only considered the pretty parts of the consequences of his childhood. He was not very good at forgiveness.

It’s why he was never fully able to let go, allow Josephine to take care of the two of you alone. Caleb always considered himself your caretaker. He was the one that was looking out for you first—Gran was just a necessary second, a legal adult that would assure you both had a roof above your heads that you couldn’t be taken from.

Stability helped. You adjusted quicker with less stress. Smiled faster, began talking to him like a friend within a week instead of a month. It was enough for him. His list of responsibilities fulfilled. His purpose was to be there for you.

Even when you were at school, in different grades, he would find you at lunch. Abandon his friends to sit with you. When he aged out of your school building and started attending the high school down the street, he had a long talk with the principal that allowed him to leave his last class twenty minutes early to pick you up every day.

People are the same. They’re driven by wants and needs that are so easy to take apart, to play into. He could be your best friend, taking you to the mall on weekends to shop with you. He could be your guardian, chiding you when you stayed out too late with a friend. He could be your doting older brother, picking you up everyday to walk you home. Whatever other people needed him to be in order for them to allow him to be right next to you.

It didn’t matter what they thought. What he was to you was different—something deeper, too nebulous to be titled. He was your everything, and you were his. As it should be.

The time he spent with your hair was sacred to him. His favorite memories of your childhood: pulling at the ends to bother you, massaging shampoo into your scalp with firm and careful fingers, lying his cheek against the top of your head and breathing in the scent of you.

You let it grow out after moving into Gran’s. As it got longer, it should have become more of a nuisance. Another thing to take care of. But because it was a part of you that he got to care for, he never really minded it. He researched styles, spent hours watching videos on hair care, monopolized your time at home so he could practice on you. He wanted to take such good care of your hair because it was important to you. Something he found out while doing another thing he shouldn’t have been doing.

Eavesdropping was second nature to Caleb. Growing up the way he did, he always tried to be a step ahead. To know when you would be taken across the street, when he would. To see if he could glean any information about what was going on from the adults that purportedly cared for the two of you. He’s no different at Gran’s house.

A conversation he overheard, Gran on the phone with your therapist: post-traumatic stress disorder, an unhealthy attachment to things that feel familiar. To your hair, to your few remaining belongings that made it through the Catastrophe, to Caleb. Anything that felt like it was intrinsically yours.

He focused on the hair because focusing on the implications of him being intrinsically yours, even then, could have torn him apart. Could have made him jump the gun at fifteen, to tell you that somehow he knew that he would always be yours, that you were destined to be side-by-side for life. Even in death, he wanted to rest beside you.

Something was very wrong with him. He knew this, even then. Knew that if he went to therapy like Gran wanted, they would pick him apart the way they’d picked you apart. They’d say he had post-traumatic stress disorder, impostor syndrome, a protector complex. That he was unhealthily attached to you—that he believed you were intrinsically his.

This was all easy to figure out on his own time. It wasn’t that he wanted to be ignorant to the things wrong with him—he could just deal with it by himself. He didn’t need other people to tell him what was wrong and then give him some half-assed advice on how to be better. The things that were wrong with him weren’t going to make his life worse. They were going to make your life better. He’d always be there for you, whatever you needed, whatever complex that meant he had or whatever attachments that meant he had formed.

His childhood, a list of wants: your comfort and to exist beside you. And he knew he could provide comfort to you, despite his shortcomings.

He was sixteen when he received his first confession. There wasn’t a point before that where he had considered dating anyone—even considered romance as a concept in his life—and that extended to after. You didn’t like it when he explained what had happened. He was kind, as always, and turned the girl down nicely. You took the card the girl had written for him, still unopened in a cream envelope adorned with shooting star stickers, and ripped it apart.

There isn’t a clear, defining moment in his past where he knew you would always be where he wanted to end up. But this moment serves as a clear indication in his head of the beginning of the messy period where he had to figure out the extent of what he wanted from you.

Caleb hated the attention he got in high school. No one knew him but you—he made sure of that. And yet droves of guys and girls would line up to give him little gifts at the end of the school years, would pass him notes in class asking if he liked anyone, would get close to the other guys on the basketball team in an effort to find out things about him. It was all because of his past—the body given to him through unnatural means, the charisma he learned through trauma.

He resented people for wanting him for those things. But he didn’t really care either way what they thought about him. He was eighteen years old when he became positive that the only person he was ever going to date was you. He’d marry you, too, if that’s what you wanted. A massive wedding that he’d spend his entire savings on, or something small, just friends, even just the two of you. Or you didn’t even have to get married, if you didn’t like the idea of that. Whatever you wanted. Whatever way you would have him. He was yours down to his veins, down to his blood, down to his cells. He belonged to you.

When you received your first—and only—confession in high school, Caleb realized that it went both ways. You belonged to him, too.

You told Caleb about it right after school, like you couldn’t keep it in. You were terrible at keeping secrets from him. He loved that. The guy asked you out on a date, said he’d seen you around and thought you were so pretty, that he’d be kicking himself if he didn’t ask you out.

The guy was a soccer star. Tall, handsome, nice enough. In Caleb’s year, which meant he was too old for you. He’d be going to college on a scholarship the same time Caleb would start at the DAA, because he decided he could provide for you as a pilot. This guy would be an athlete in college and then do some shitty, run-of-the-mill job afterwards. (Don’t swear in front of her. You have to be a good example.) And who did he think he was, asking you out now ? Was he gonna date a high-schooler while in college? Had he even thought about how he’d keep in contact with you while he was away? How he’d make sure you were eating enough, make sure that you were happy?

No. Of course he fucking didn’t. (Language. Careful.) Caleb was the only guy thinking about these things that young. It was okay if it was him because he was meant for you. He’d take things at your pace, obviously—he was just getting everything ready for your future together. He liked to be prepared.

So he talked to the guy. Of course he was nice about it. Didn’t want to embarrass anyone. Just told him to keep his distance, that you were off-limits.

What are you, her brother?

No, he said, and no, no, no, no, no, he wasn’t even though some people liked to say that he was, he wasn’t because he was going to be yours one day and you were going to be his.

Then what’s the problem? C’mon, man—doesn’t she look sweet?

Sweet. The way he said that about you. A suggestion.

Caleb attended a soccer game for the first time that Saturday. It was a shame that the guy who called you sweet fell the way he did while shooting and tore his Achilles tendon. He lost his scholarship. Couldn’t run anymore. Need that in soccer. Those kinds of injuries never fully heal.

No one asked you out after that. Other students looked at him in the hallways and whispered, all speculating on his Evol, the rumor of its power. Didn’t the guy that fell ask out his little sister, or whatever she is to him? No, surely Caleb—golden boy Caleb, captain of the basketball team and all around great guy—wouldn’t do something so drastic. So insane.

Sweet. Sweet.

Things like desire were foreign to him until they weren’t. The guys on his team always talked about women in ways that disgusted him, in ways he couldn’t even begin to comprehend. Just like the guy that fell and hurt himself. They talked about what they wanted to do to the models they saw on social media, even to the girls they shared classes with—and he just didn’t understand it. The depravity.

And then one day he got home from shooting hoops at the park with his friends, and he needed to shower before he saw you because you always complained when he was sweaty from playing sports. Without even thinking, he opened the bathroom door—and you were changing into something comfortable for the night. All he saw was the exposed skin of your back, the curve of your ass in black underwear, the softness of your thighs. He closed the door as quickly as he could and apologized. Apologized again.

He had been hard in his lifetime, obviously, but he was so hard he couldn’t think. Just the image of you in his brain, the idea of him touching the soft skin of your lower back, his hand cupping your ass and squeezing just enough to hurt. (You shouldn’t want to hurt her.) Sweet. He got it. He understood and he hated himself for it.

He was appalled at his own thoughts for a long time. This pushed him away from desire in other ways. He felt sick when his friends started talking about sex, about what they were doing at parties with other people. He refused to get himself off, which led to a lot of long evenings lying in bed staring at the ceiling and a lot of ice-cold showers. He rarely gave in to his desires, but when he did, he couldn’t look you in the eye for a week. If he came in his sleep it didn’t count. Dreams didn’t count, even though each one heavily featured you and your soft, pliable body under his hands. He was overly sensitive, pent-up. You’d brush past him in the kitchen and even the feel of your hip bumping his, the smell of your shampoo, would get him so hard he’d have to excuse himself and lie down.

Everyday was an exercise in restraint. An exercise in self-hatred. (You’re disgusting.) He’d already decided he was going to be with you forever, but you didn’t think of him like that yet. He was going to be good for you and wait. He would still talk to you all the time and take you to the mall and braid your hair for you and listen to you read to him and he would be good .

And he was. He went to the DAA Academy and he was. But it was easier to give in when he was alone. Without you one room over, the guilt felt less like a vice and more like a garment. He wore it without being strangled by it—but he still wore it.

The first time he purposefully got himself off in years was with a scrunchie you’d given him to take to school braided through his fingers. It wasn’t the most pleasant sensation. There was no lube or spit because he didn’t want to ruin anything that was yours. Besides—he wanted it to hurt, because then he was paying for thinking about you like this. It took maybe four strokes. He came so hard that he couldn’t stop the loud, strung-out whine that rose from his throat, couldn’t look at himself in the mirror when he went to the bathroom to clean up, couldn’t stomach the guilt when he hand-washed your scrunchie in the sink with dish soap.

Rationalizing his behavior became a practiced skill. Everything he thought about you that was somewhat akin to sweet was okay—because you were going to want him the way he wanted you. One day, he would touch you the way he imagined touching you and you would sigh into him, you would tell him that it’s okay to need you the way he does, that you need him just the same.

(Disgusting. Disgusting. You can’t choose this for her.) But he wasn’t choosing it for you. It’s just how things would happen. No one else knew your likes and dislikes, the way your tone of voice changed when you were asking for something. No one else knew how to take care of you when you were tired and didn’t want to ask for help. No one else knew the way you liked your hair braided, your favorite meals, your picky nature when it came to the preparation of tea and coffee. He could know you in other ways. More intimate ways. He would know all of it. You wouldn’t have to worry about a thing. No one could love you the way he could.

He grew into adulthood knowing this. He was the only one that could protect you. That could save you from your own body, from the experiments that shortened your lifespan by whole decades. You couldn’t die before him. If you did, he would’ve failed. He made contact with scientists in lofty organizations, he charmed his way into meetings with people that a DAA pilot could never be important enough to meet. He was going to protect you forever and always. Like wedding vows. Because you couldn’t leave him. He wouldn’t let you.

The plan had been in place since you graduated high school. The first real secret Caleb ever kept from you. The first one he felt bad about. So when you both returned to Gran’s during your first ever vacation from the Hunter Academy—when you sat with him on the porch like everything was normal until it wasn’t—he had to stop himself. What’s going through your head, baby? he asked. Couldn’t help it. Called you baby in his mind every single fucking day, because you belonged to him and he belonged to you. Your face in his hands. God, he wanted to kiss you. He wanted anything you’d give him. Whatever you were ready for. But he knew he was going to have to leave you. To protect you, to heal you. It would be better to wait until after. If he kissed you then, knowing he’d have to leave you, break your heart—it would be messier when he came back.

It was for the best. This way, you could be together for the rest of your lives. Once he came back, did what he had to do for Ever, everything would work out.

His life, a list of wants: you and nothing else.

˚✧ ﾟ.

Caleb breaks more than a handful of laws figuring out the identity of your lover.

Getting into the Hunter Association’s database was as easy as monitoring its access port and lifting a username and password from the first person he saw log in. Their information is a joke—a name, a voice file, some info on the guy's Evol—but it does lead him to some of his connections in the more dangerous parts of town.

Obviously, people don’t want to talk. The leader of Onychinus—a dreadful figure, someone with no remorse, who kills with a snap of his fingers. He can’t believe you got mixed up with this guy. But it’s hard for his contacts to ignore him when he’s hitting them with enough G-force that their legs begin to shatter, and that makes getting a name and some poorly-scrubbed CCTV footage easy. (She would hate you if she knew you were doing this.)

Sylus. He’s younger than Caleb thought he would be. Still too old for you. He’s handsome, and Caleb is sure that he’s charming, too. He’s probably playing you just like that asshole that asked you out when you were a sophomore in high school.

He’s gonna break this guy’s teeth. He’s gonna go to the N109 Zone and scrub Onychinus from the planet like a stain.

But first, he has to talk to you about it. He hasn’t slept in thirty-six hours. Nowhere near as bad as he had to put up with in pilot training, but still. His adjutant is keeping everything in order at the Fleet. Something feels like it’s ending, and Caleb isn’t completely sure whether or not it’s his own life.

When he checks your location, you’re at home. It’s nine at night, so you shouldn’t be in bed yet. He comes directly from the other side of town. There’s still blood on his knuckles. Dirt still stains his slacks, the elbows of his coat. His face, he’s sure. He hasn’t tried to see what he looks like, even though he usually likes to make himself somewhat handsome for you. You’ll have to forgive him this one time.

Caleb only second-guesses coming straight here when you open the door after he knocks—your face immediately twists in concern, your hands go to the sides of his face to brush away dirt, blood, whatever’s left behind from the past two days.

You pull him into a hug and he could almost forget everything. He wraps his arms around you and curls into your embrace and he could just be whatever you want him to be. It doesn’t matter if you’re with someone else. (It does. It does. She shouldn’t be with him. You can be better than him.) Just let him stay. Let him be with you however you’ll allow. He’ll take anything. He’ll be your guard dog if you want. Stay awake every night at the foot of your bed. Turn his face into your hand to feel your warmth when you praise him for being good. He’d take that.

His head hurts so badly, even though he’s not missing anything right now. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep. Maybe he can never let himself rest enough to feel the extent of his pain until he’s with you, where he can finally be himself. He considers it a weakness—that vulnerability that you claw out of him. But it’s yours to claw out, like anything else you might want from him.

You’re talking to him. He didn’t realize. His head is roaring so loudly that he couldn’t hear your pretty voice. Your hand is in his hair. Fingers gently massaging his scalp. Isn’t he supposed to be the one doing this for you? Your other hand runs down his back, wraps around his waist. Pulls him closer. That’s all he wants. Closer.

“Tell me what happened,” you say. “Please.”

He wraps his arms around you, and he winces at the movement. His joints are aching, skin burning, body screaming at him to rest. It reminds him of high school. It reminds him of everything that’s ever been done to him and all he can’t have and all he wants—a small list, the contents of which are too much to ask for.

“...a bath, if you’re hurting,” you’re saying. Holding him. It feels like he’s floating in and out of his head. He wants you to hold him always. He’s scared to ask you the thing he needs to ask you. You look up at him and you’re worried, which you should never be about him. “We can get your joints loosened up. Okay?”

He nods. Whatever you want. You smell so good. Did you shower when you got home from work? He loves the conditioner you use. You’ve used it since late high school. He knows exactly when you switched, actually. Beginning of junior year. This brand helped your ends stop splitting so quickly after Caleb would cut your hair. Did anyone cut your hair for you after he left? Or was this dramatic change the first time you’ve cut it since he died?

“You’re gonna have to let me take you to the bathroom, though.”

Your voice is so pretty. Everything about you. (The prettiest girl in the world.) He was always so blown away by you when you’d buy new dresses, do your hair nicely. Nothing compared to when you dressed up for his graduation in the dress he’d bought you, though. He nearly lost his mind. He bought that for you. He provided for you, picked out what you were wearing. It was one step removed from dressing you himself. His ears are ringing, his head pounds. He wanted to steal you away then. To keep you somewhere separate from everything else, to make you his in all the ways that mattered. He loves you. You're wearing one of his old shirts. He can feel the material pilling beneath his fingers. He loves you.

“Hey—please. Look at me, baby.”

It’s the term of endearment that does it. He likes that. He wants to see your face when you call him that. “Baby?” he asks, almost teasing, pretending that he doesn’t feel like he’s been shredded to pieces inside because even if you did really call him that, there’s another man you’re saying it to as well.

“Caleb,” you say—no, repeat. He misheard you. You didn’t call him baby.

There was a steadiness to your voice, a confidence that made him believe you were calm in this situation. When he really looks at you, he can see that isn't how you actually feel. Maybe you did call him baby. Maybe he’s knocked you so far into anxiety that you’re not thinking straight. You look sick from worry. Lines between your brows, marring your forehead. You’re worrying your bottom lip between your teeth. Without your arms around him, both hands are clinging on to his lapels, nearly shaking. And your eyes—

You’re scared you’re going to lose him again. He realizes it too late. Why else would he show up like this, bloodied and worn, in the late hours of the night? The last thing he wants to do is make you feel like this, and once again, he’s been selfish. You’re his priority, but he keeps unintentionally putting himself first.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he tells you, and you visibly relax. Not completely, but some. Your shoulders lower, your grip on his coat leaves the realm of white-knuckling.

You take his hand and bring it to your face—like you’re about to kiss his knuckles. You don’t. Wishful thinking. You examine the skin. It’s the hand he can feel, two knuckles split and the rest patched in dried blood. (You came here to ask about her lover.) He should. It’s important. You touch the scar on his ring finger, the one he got protecting you years ago. When you do actually end up bringing his knuckles to your mouth, pressing a gentle, meaningful kiss to the scar, his thoughts feel less important.

You gaze up at him with that look in your eyes and he can’t deny you. You’re everything to him. “Let’s get you cleaned up. Okay?”

Caleb follows you to the bathroom, watches you run the tub, put in the same bubble bath solution that he used to use when you were younger. Orange blossom scented, with epsom salts. The one he used to pick up from the drugstore when he was around thirteen because the burning in his skin returned. Crying out against his natural growth spurt after he’d already had his artificial one. You were too young to know that. Or—you weren’t, but Caleb wanted to keep that information from you. How often he was in pain, how much it affected his day-to-day. All you knew was that Caleb took baths, so you wanted to take baths too.

One of his most precious memories: your elbow was injured from softball practice, but you needed to wash your hair. You, in a swimsuit in the bathtub. Caleb, on his knees behind you. It’s the only time he’s ever been there for the whole process. The shampoo and conditioner, assorted lotions you left in afterwards. The comb he used to detangle your hair held firm in his hand, tacky with product, until it cramped. The whole moment is steeped in orange blossoms, the smell of your damp skin. The feel of his hand cupping the back of your neck longer than necessary to keep you still.

You face him, the water running, that same scent in the air. Floral, light, with a slightly earthy undertone. And quietly, you begin to undress him. His breath catches in his throat. He can’t move. You push his jacket over his shoulders, let it fall to the ground. Undo the buttons of his shirt. Pull its ends from where they’re tucked in, let that fall on top of his coat.

When you start taking off his slacks, he catches both of your hands in one of his. The wrong one, mechanical. He wants to feel you. He can’t stop staring at the point of connection, how much bigger he is than you—and despite the clear disparity, the power he could have over you, your fingers hook into the top of his belt buckle. “I can do this part,” he says, but his voice is pitchy. He’s not good at hiding how he feels when it comes to you. Especially not when you’re touching him. His mind blanks, he loses a little piece of his sanity that’s always belonged more to you than to him.

You nod. Don’t make a move to try to free yourself. Your fingers stay there, curled into his belt. The tops of your knuckles graze his stomach right above the band of his slacks, your skin meeting coarse, dark hair and the veins that he’s always thought run a little too visibly south of his waistline, and he has to stop himself from moaning at just that—such a light touch that he feels sick in the head at how much it affects him.

“I want everything off,” you tell him. And then you pull away and turn around.

Caleb can feel that his face is hot. Knows how obvious that must be to you. He removes his shoes, his socks. (You should’ve taken them off at the door. You’ll have to clean her floors for her later.) Peels off his dirt-stained slacks. And you said everything. He’s already achingly hard. Your knuckles on his stomach, your fingers curled into his belt. It doesn’t take much for him when it comes to you. He doesn’t want to scare you.

It feels like a power shift—asking him to undress when he’s like this, when you’re still fully clothed—but you’ve always had power over him. It doesn’t matter how vulnerable Caleb makes himself in front of you. You’ve always had access to all of him, whether you wanted it or not. So he does as you ask. “Now what?”

“Get in the tub, obviously,” you say. He can tell you’re rolling your eyes. Wishes you would turn so he could see it. So you could see him.

Would you like his body? It’s a good one. It serves its purpose. He takes care of himself. Needs to, for his job, but also because he wants to be desirable to you. It’s never felt like it’s his. The muscles, the height—how much of that was given to him? Forced upon him? Even if it’s not fully natural, he can at least make it into something you would want. That’s why he’s so careful about his diet, so precise with his work outs. He doesn’t want there to be anything you could find that you wouldn’t like. If he’s perfect for you, then there’s one less reason for you to leave him.

He gets into the bath. It’s not like the one you had in the house growing up, free-standing and large. It’s a smaller apartment. The bath is caged in on three sides by tiled walls, a small shower head juts out of the tile four feet above him. He’s too tall for the shower, too large for the entire space. His knees protrude from the water awkwardly. You probably fit in here perfectly. Damp skin, the smell of you when you’re warm and wet. He hopes you blame the unintentional noise he makes on his body being tired and the feeling of lowering himself into the warm water.

The bubbles are built up to a point where he’s pretty sure you won’t see how hard he is for you. He doesn’t want to scare you. He doesn’t want to scare you. You’re going to touch him. He’s decently sure of it. Take care of him the way he should be taking care of you. He doesn’t want to scare you, but the sheer scale of his want for you is enough that sometimes he thinks the stitching at his seams could come apart, that he could turn into someone different entirely just to finally find out how you would say his name when he fucks you.

He puts his face in his hands, pushes his index and middle fingers against his closed eyes until it hurts. (Disgusting. She’s taking care of you and you’re thinking about her like this.) He takes a deep, shaky breath as quietly as he can. There’s no way you don’t hear him in the small bathroom. “Okay, I’m in,” he says, and he wishes that just once he could control himself when it comes to you. That he could stop thinking like this when you’re caring for him, that his voice wouldn’t sound that fucking pathetic when he spoke to you, that he could be the same boy that washed your hair when you were teenagers and it was all so innocent. He loved you then. He loves you now. It sounds simple. He wishes it was simple.

He wants to be that boy again. Remembering something he’s forgotten is always painful. His eyes burn. He can smell the epsom salts more than the orange blossoms now, the mineral tang of rock and earth.

You lower yourself to your knees. The bath prevents you from being behind him, the way he was when he washed your hair. You’re at his side with a washcloth, and you put out a hand, palm up. Waiting. “I need to clean the cuts.”

Of course. You’ve gotten so good at taking care of him. Maybe when he left, you learned because you suddenly had to take care of yourself. There was no one else to do it. No one who would do it right, at least. “I should be doing this myself,” he says. Offers you his hands despite this.

You remove the blood from his knuckles gently. Thoroughly. The cuts aren’t as bad as they looked before, with their aftermath adorning them. “Thank you for letting me.”

You know him so well. Better than anyone. You know how much he hates letting people down like this—letting you down. He’s the one that’s supposed to be strong. That shouldn’t need this. He was built for it. If anyone else ever saw him like this, he would kill them. Not because he can’t admit weakness—because this is only for you. His vulnerability is only for you. You don’t need to thank him for it.

“Will you tell me what happened?” you ask.

“Question for a question?” Like when you were both little. He just wants you to answer him honestly.

You let his hands fall, satisfied with your cleaning of his wounds. “Okay,” you say, a little hesitant. Like you always are with him now. You drag the washcloth across the width of his shoulders, then back and up the length of his neck, dampening the hair at his nape.

He leans into your touch, lets his eyes close. How often he’s wanted to be at your mercy. Something in him wants you to hurt him, to take back your pound of flesh. Do the very thing he did to you. “I was given some intel I had to follow up on.”

“That’s… vague.” You massage circles into the back of his neck, thumb and forefinger on either side of his spine. Gentle, with the washcloth, but firm.

Quietly, appreciatively, he groans. A noise pulled from deep within him, part of him that hasn’t been treated with this kind of care before reacting. Autonomic. Tears on his face. Burnt neurons. Your lover. “Who’s Sylus?”

Your fingers still, but your hand doesn’t leave his neck. You freeze up like prey. And Caleb has always been your predator. You clear your throat, weakly resume your massage. “That’s Hunter business. I can’t tell you anything about him. You know that, Caleb.”

“I know it’s not Hunter business,” he corrects. “Not entirely.”

You pull back then, and when he looks at you, your brows are drawn tight and low. The look on your face is the same as when you were about to argue with him because you thought he was doing something unfair. He loves the way you get frustrated, the roughness in your voice whenever you fight back. “And who told you that?”

“It doesn’t matter—”

“It does,” you say, voice hard. “Question for a question, right? Because you can’t let go of the same games we played when we were kids. So answer my question.”

What does he say to that? Someone that’s been watching you longer than he has? A corporation that has the resources to know these intimate details about your life? He’s not sure how to answer.

“This is your problem, Caleb. You always think you know best.” You’re fully removed from him, on your knees next to the bathtub. The washcloth drips onto your thighs, below the hem of your shorts. He hopes you don't get cold. “What are you really asking?”

Another question he feels that he can’t answer outright. Admitting to himself that he loves you is easy. Admitting his jealousy is harder—the way it curls into his lungs, eviscerates him every time the idea of you with another person crosses his mind.

“You want to know if I fucked him.”

He flinches—not used to hearing you speak like this. He was a good example growing up. He made sure of that. “Jeez, pip. You don’t have to be so—”

“What? Blunt? Vulgar?” You roll your eyes and his dick throbs and he feels so gross for wanting you like this.

He loves it when you’re a little angry at him, when you’re tired of his bullshit and call him on it. (She probably acts like this with him, too.) And there’s the jealousy again, curling, cutting. No one should hear you speak like this but him. He wants to put his thumb in your mouth and make you whine around it. (No. No. Jesus, dude.)

“I’m an adult, Caleb. I had to grow up when you died,” you say. “I can talk about these things.”

“I know you can.” And he likes it, as much as it makes him feel ill. It’s just—you can talk like that, but he doesn’t want it to be about someone else. He wants it to be about him. “I know. I’m sorry.”

You go back to washing him, and he doesn’t stop you like he should. You soap up the sides of his neck, the wide expanse of his chest. Both shoulders. When you lean over him, he can smell your skin. The same body wash you’ve used since high school. Your sheets used to smell like this when he’d do your laundry. This and your sweat. The way he wants you is the way he’s always wanted you: primal and all-consuming. He wants to prepare himself for you like a meal, feel your teeth dig into his skin. You drag your hand lower, beneath the water. Across his stomach.

He doesn’t stop you. He doesn’t stop you but he should.

When your hand brushes against his erection, he hisses through his teeth. He tried not to—really, he did. But—god. Your hand. Your hand.

You still entirely. You’ve been avoiding eye contact with him, but now you make it. You’re chewing on something in your pretty head, deciding how to move forward. He should have stopped you. He doesn’t want to scare you. Only a little. (It shouldn’t be any at all.) Just enough to see your eyes widen, to see you pull your lower lip between your teeth.

A decision is made. You keep going, slower, maintaining eye contact. Caleb knows he’s leaking ridiculous amounts of precum into the water. He gets a little messy when he thinks of you. As if he’s ever thought about anyone else. And now—you drag the washcloth up the underside of his cock, and he can’t maintain composure. His head falls back, he exhales sharp and hard. You pull another noise from him, a pitchy whine that reminds him of the first time he got off to the thought of you when he was away at school, finally able to voice his desire without you sleeping one room over. Too loud, too desperate.

He should be thinking harder about this but he can’t. All the blood in his brain has gone straight to his dick, and he tries and fails to stop his hips from bucking as you continue to touch him, the cloth drawn up his inner thigh, then back down towards his hip. You lean over him again and everything is the smell of your skin, the soft brush of your hair against his chest.

Your hand travels upwards, out of the water. Across his chest again. He’s so sensitive that it doesn’t matter that you’re not touching him directly. Every caress feels like your hand wrapped around him, gets him embarrassingly closer to a precipice that he never thought he’d reach with you.

“Is this really all it takes?” you ask, and he can’t tell if you’re amused or pleased or mad at him. He’ll take anything but disappointed. He doesn’t want to be something you don’t want.

You lean over him, bring your face close to his. Your breaths mingle. The taste of mint. You’d already brushed your teeth, ready for bed, before he interrupted your evening with his shit. With his need for you.

He doesn’t deserve what you’re giving him right now. He’s being selfish again. Taking when he should be giving. He doesn’t even know how you feel about him. Everything is wrong about this. You lean closer. Your foreheads touch.

“Don’t— oh .” Your hand ghosts the length of his cock again, then traces up the taut lines of his stomach. He’s gonna finish like this. He fucking knows it. He wants to pull you into the bath and feel the line of your body against him, the warmth of you tucked against his skin like a card hidden up a sleeve. Your breath is on his lips. God, you’re so close to him. Wrong. It’s wrong like this. “Hold on, pip,” he says. “Just—wait a sec.”

“Why?” you ask. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

The way you say that makes him sick. Nothing is simple like he wants it to be. Your voice is mean. It feels like he’s dreaming—one of his bad ones, where he feels guilty afterwards for wanting you. “Not like this,” he says.

“Then how, Caleb?” you ask, and you're frustrated. You're trying to understand but your patience is running thing and he understands. “How do you want me?”

The same way he’s wanted you since he was young. He wants to be your everything. He wants you to want nothing but him. He wants to be your protector, your lover, your home. He wants his life to start and end with you, for everything else to be secondary. His life, a list of wants.

He can’t be any of this for you. Not now. His brain is full of holes, his body doesn’t belong to himself. He’s not even fully human anymore. What happens when everything is taken from him? When he’s a shell of himself? He wants to believe that the ghost that’ll be left inside of his body will still care for you and protect you. But he’ll never know. Once the chip wipes out his love for you, he’ll have died. That won’t be him anymore. Loving you is so intrinsic to everything he is. It’ll just be his body, modified by Ever. His Evol, modified by Ever. His brain, modified by Ever.

Their weapon. Not even yours.

“I love you.” His voice breaks on the words. He says it quietly, like a secret you should already know. Something obvious. Not a confession. A reminder—and an explanation. I love you, so of course it has to be different. He feels like you should understand. Don’t you understand?

“But you’ve always loved me,” you say.

He reaches for you. Your chin tilted by his fingers, pretty eyes looking up at him in question. What you’re asking is always a mystery to him, though it shouldn’t be with the way he knows you. Maybe this is why things have taken so long—you’re both afraid to answer each other’s questions, but you’re also both afraid to ask the right ones. “Is that a bad thing?”

“It just means you don’t want me like—that.” You refuse to meet his eyes while saying this.

How can he tell you how wrong you are without being cruel? Of course he wants you like that. He wants you in any way he can have you. “I’ve always loved you,” he says, “and I’ve always wanted you. But I know it’s not—right. I shouldn’t have felt like that.”

Your hand trails lower again, but nothing has changed on your face. You’re thinking, hard, that cute little line present between your brows that you get when you’re really considering something. “Why shouldn’t you feel like that?”

“I think some people could come up with a lot of reasons,” he says, and he laughs, breathy and nervous, because none of the reasons matter to him.

“I don’t care about what other people think,” you say. “Why do you think that you shouldn’t feel like that?”

His breath comes in sharp—you’ve dropped the washcloth and now it’s your nails on his skin, the scratch of them against his sternum, the tops of his abs. He’s trying to keep as clear a head as possible, but his body responds to you automatically. It’s attuned to you, like his cells are being pulled towards you, through you, attempting to merge just to have you closer. “So much of me is missing,” he tells you.

Your hand stills. Nails become the flat of your hand. Your palm on his chest. His heartbeat racing, then slowing, the chip in his head fighting to keep him calm. “Your arm doesn’t bother me, Caleb.”

“It’s more than that,” he says. “They’ve done a lot of shit to me, pip.” (Language.) But does that even matter anymore? You’re an adult. He has to let you be your own person. He has to let you grow up and tell you the things he doesn’t want to tell you because you deserve to know. He amends himself—says your name so you know he’s addressing you and not a memory. “I don’t think I’m all there anymore. I don’t think what’s in my head is me.”

“I know you,” you say.

“Better than anyone.”

“And I know that you’re still you.”

He can’t help but shake his head. You don’t understand because you don’t want to accept it, and he gets that. He’s a facsimile, but a very good one. That’s what happens when you build inside the shell of something else. When he rests his hand atop yours, holds it closer to his heart, you don’t stop him. For that, he’s grateful. Even if he’s not the version of Caleb you want, you’re at least allowing him this.

“I wish it was all simple,” you say.

The same thing he’s wished for. He often thinks that the two of you were never meant to be separate beings. Sometimes he feels like he belongs in your head more than he belongs in his own. It’s what he wants the most—to meld into you, to fill all of the parts of you that you’re missing. Loving you is a close second. Possessing you is a dangerously close third.

“I’ve never been with Sylus," you say, and it's quiet but it feels very loud in the tiled walls of your small bathroom. "He’s a close friend. But that’s all.”

“It’s not even my place to ask you about that stuff.”

“It could’ve been,” you say. “You could’ve kissed me that night on the porch. When we were both home from school.”

Of course you'd think about that night. He had tried to protect you, even then. Stop your heart from getting broken when he couldn't tell you all the terrible things that were about to happen. “I could have. I should have.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I knew things were about to change," he admits. "I thought—maybe after.”

You pause to look at him. Had you known before this moment that he’d been aware that something terrible would come to pass? You won’t forgive him for it, but he would never expect you to. “It’s after,” is your simple reply for much too complicated a situation.

“I didn’t think they’d take so much from me.”

“You’re still you, Caleb." You stare at him for a moment, like you're saying something obvious that he should understand easily. "You are.”

“Not completely.”

“Then I want what’s left.”

“You deserve a lot more.”

“So do you," you say, "but this is what we have. I want what’s left. It should be mine already.”

Of course you'd think that. He loves you. “Come in here with me?”

You hesitate, looking between his exposed knees and his face. Considering something.

“Let me take care of you for a little,” he says.

This decides it. You undress in front of him and he’s rapt. Maybe he should give you some semblance of privacy—but he can’t. He’s imagined this so many times. He’s imagined how your body would feel pressed against his since he saw you half-undressed in the bathroom when he was barely eighteen years old.

You take off your cozy pajamas, the scant underwear beneath. There could never be anything about you that Caleb doesn’t love—and this vulnerability is something he cherishes more than you know. The fact that you’ll undress in front of him and allow him to watch, to look at your body with every emotion he feels for you: love, desire, care, need.

Need to touch. Need to kiss. He wants to press his lips to every part of you. He wants you hanging from his maw by the neck. He wants his teeth to tear you apart, he wants to taste the way you feel when you’re scared and then assure you that everything’s okay, that he’ll protect you forever. He wants to tell you how beautiful you are but his voice is stuck in his throat along with his breath—everything knocked out of him with the realization that this is really happening.

The water is still warm when you slot yourself between his legs, press your back to his chest. He’s so incredibly hard for you but that’s an afterthought, something he hopes won’t make you uncomfortable. His head is blissfully quiet. He just wants to hold you right now. You sink against him and let out a breath that says finally, here I am.

Finally, here you are.

He wraps his arms around you, buries his face in the crook of your neck. Breathes in the scent of your sweat-damp skin. “Whatever’s left of me is always gonna be yours.”

“And I’m always going to be yours," you tell him. A promise. "So it’s mutual. Forever.”

He smiles at that, presses a kiss to your shoulder. He’d like forever with you. He’d love it. “Tell me about your day."

“I should—”

“No. Whatever you need to do, I’ll do it for you later. I just wanna hear about what you’ve been up to all day.”

The washcloth is easily retrieved from the edge of the tub—Caleb’s too tired to lean forward and grab it, so he pulls it into his hand with his Evol. Does the same with your body wash, lathers the cloth until he’s satisfied with the amount. Gently, he cleans you the way you cleaned him. Takes his time caressing every inch of you, holding you against him with his mechanical arm.

It matters less to him that he can’t feel the way he pulls you against his chest, the way his hand feels splayed out across your stomach. All he’s focused on is his cleansing of your skin, the soft hitch of your breaths, the gentle way you speak to him.

He listens to you talk about work, about missions and your coworkers and how your gun keeps jamming—which Caleb makes a mental note to check out for you later—then asks questions about the details. He just wants more. He wants to know everything about what you’re doing all the time. It’ll never not be fascinating to him. But his eyes grow heavy—the thirty-eight or so hours he’s gone without sleeping take their toll.

You notice, turning to look at him. Cradle his face in your hands. “We should get you to bed, hmm?”

“No, I’m listening,” he says. “Promise. Keep telling me. I wanna hear what Simone said.”

You smile, and Caleb’s head blanks. He should ask if he can wash your hair while you’re in here. He should have done things different his whole life so he could’ve gotten to this part a lot sooner.

“Caleb,” you say, and he knows what you’re asking.

He holds your wrists in his hands. Fragile but not. You’re strong, but he’s undergone more physical experimentation than you. A victory of traumas. He wishes his body was weak so you could break him. He would let you. “I won’t be able to go back to how it was before.”

“I’m not asking you to.”

“Not now,” he says. “Not yet.”

“Not ever.” Your hands mirror as you touch him—trace his sideburns, the angles of his jaw, the backs of his earlobes. He curls his thumbs into the indents of your palms.

“No matter what happens,” he tells you, “you’re never gonna get rid of me.” And it’s not a promise—it’s a warning. Because if you decide you don’t want him, he would never be able to decide that he doesn’t want you. His life. A list of wants. He doesn’t know what he’d do, but he knows it wouldn’t be good. There’s a part of himself that he can acknowledge but not confront. It’s the part that wants to lock you up, to keep you and tell everyone else you’ve left, that you’ve died, that they shouldn’t worry about looking for you.

But that’s not even what’s distressing about the whole thing.

It’s the same part of him that wants to buy your clothes, to dress you every day, to pull your socks on and hold your delicate ankles in his too-strong hands, to brush your teeth for you because he wants to make sure you’re getting all the molars at the back, to cook all of your meals for you and straighten out your diet so it’s perfectly balanced, to feed you every bite of food from his fork, to hold your jaw in his hand as you chew to make sure you won’t choke, to carry you to every room and carefully place you on the couch or the bed or the counter or wherever you would like to exist next to him, to wash your hair and take his time keeping it healthy, to lather you up and clean you in the shower and do your skincare for you afterwards—

Something is wrong with him. When he says you won’t get rid of him, he means it. Once he has a taste of you, it’s going to unlock something inside of him that he won’t be able to put back together. And he’ll be so good to you if you never leave him. He’ll take care of you always, and try his best to make sure it’s the way you want to be taken care of. Not the thing he wants. He’ll be as normal as he can be and you can take him anywhere and call him anything and ask him for whatever you want.

How to put this into words without scaring you? There isn’t a way.

“I wish I could see into your head,” you murmur, freeing one hand from his grasp and tapping a finger against his forehead, right between his eyebrows.

“You don’t,” he says, because god, you don’t. He’s the exact kind of man that he wants to protect you from. But he’s also the only man that can protect you the right way. “There’s some bad stuff in there.”

You tap him again on the forehead, then on the tip of his nose. “I have a feeling it’s closer to what’s in mine than you think.”

What’s in his head is sick. He will always keep you safe from this. Instead of fighting you, he says, “Be sure you want this.”

And you smile. Allow your hand to sink back into his grip, your wrists once again both secure in his hold. A willing return to his grasp. “I am.”

When you kiss him, it’s the same kind of gentle as your voice. As your hands on his face. He follows your lead—you’re hesitant, clearly inexperienced, but that’s okay. He is too. He’s just thought about it more. He lets you deepen the kiss when you’re ready, only slides his tongue across yours after you’ve done it first. It’s slow, soft, incredibly intimate. Everything he knew a first kiss with you would be.

You’re so careful and precise, so gentle even though you treat everything with such firmness. His arms wrap around you to hold you steady, fingers curling into damp hair—when you moan, the noise small and breathy and completely his, he nearly loses his fucking mind. He moans back desperately, an exchange of sound, a price he pays into your willing mouth.

You pull back to breathe, forehead pressed against his, hands still cradling the sides of his face. He has to breathe too—hasn’t figured out how to do it while you’re kissing him. It should be easy, but you make him breathless. Lightheaded. Like no air he could take into his lungs would be enough, because nothing could fill him like the feeling of your lips against his.

He’ll get better at this for you. He’ll figure out the best way to kiss you, the things he can do with his tongue that’ll make you shiver against him. For now, he closes his eyes, catches his breath, leans into your touch. This is what people mean when they talk about heaven. If it was anything else, he wouldn’t want it.

He hasn’t shaved since two mornings ago. He’s sure his skin is scratchy against your palms. He hopes you don’t mind it that much. Can’t stop himself from asking, “What’d I do to earn that?”

“You didn’t need to earn it,” you tell him. “I just wanted to kiss you.”

He smiles and really has to look at you—just to find out whether or not this is happening. He doesn't deserve this. You’re so solid against him, so real even though he’s dreamed about kissing you more than anything else. He wants to give you everything. Wishes he could.

You smile, too—small, your lower lip pulled between your teeth like you’re trying to hide it. You don’t want him to give him a bright smile because you’re worried that he’ll get ahead of himself, get cocky in the way that always annoys you. He knows you too well, and you know him the same. It’s how he’s sure you’re aware that it’s too late for that. He’s already getting ahead of himself. He’s planning to kiss you every day for the rest of his life, and he’s damn sure gonna do whatever he needs to in order to make that happen. “Do I need to earn another one? Nah—I’m guessing you’ll just want to kiss me again.”

“That depends on whether or not you can keep your big mouth shut.”

He grins at you wide, all teeth and confidence. “Whatever you want my mouth to do, I’ll make it happen. Just say the word.”

You roll your eyes, but you’re clearly amused. He loves you like this. Happy. His. “I think I’m gonna make you earn it. Maybe that’ll shut you up.”

He leans forward, traces your jaw with the tip of his nose. Presses a kiss to the spot just below your ear. “I can do that—I’m an earner. Doubt anything’ll shut me up, though.”

“You’re annoying.”

“You like it.”

You hum in response, mirroring his movements—lips across his jaw, the spot under his ear, the column of his neck. You always take things farther because you never doubt yourself when you go for what you want. He’s always admired you for that. When it comes to you, hesitation is something he excels at. He doesn’t want to scare you.

But you don’t seem scared. You’re looking at him like you want to sink your teeth into his neck. And he’d let you. He’d enjoy it, too.

But this can’t be a comfortable position. Sitting between his legs, back pressed hard against the side of the tub because of the lack of space to accommodate you turning to face him. “C’mere,” he says, and puts his hands under your legs. Lifts you, turns you with his Evol until you’re comfortable on top of him, your thighs on either side of his hips.

He didn’t mean to position you like this—not completely. The thought crossed his mind, about what it would be like to have you on top of him. But he’s good at controlling himself. Always has been around you, something he’s learned. Because he had to.

Maybe he should’ve asked you first. He doesn’t want to scare you. Never wants to scare you. He’s still hard for you and it gets worse when you lean forward, when the length of his cock presses against your stomach, when you kiss him again and this time he can’t remove the thought of what it would feel like while he’s inside you, fucking you slowly, carefully, the way you would maybe want him to.

He would have to control himself. He’s not sure what’ll happen if you ever allow him that—whether or not his thick band of patience and self-control will snap and he’ll live out his fantasies before he can stop himself. He wants to be the only thought in your head. He wants his name to be the only thing you can say.

Not in a depraved way. Not in a disgusting way. He just wants to be the only thing on your mind ever. That’s one way to make it happen. And if he can take care of you while making that happen—if he can show you why he should be the only man that should ever be allowed to touch you, because he’ll treat you so well, because he’ll learn everything you like so quickly—he’d be happy.

“You need to sleep. We should get you to bed,” you tell him. Still too close, your body pressed against his deliciously. It feels impossible for him to remove his hands from your hips. The feeling of his fingers digging into soft skin—he could tear you apart.

He’s getting himself too worked up just thinking about it. You’re right. He should sleep. And he’s allowed to sleep next to you tonight. A blessing. A curse, maybe, considering the fact that there’s gonna be no way for him to take care of himself before you escort him to bed. What will win out, he wonders—his exhaustion, or his need for you?

One is very easy to overcome. The other—well. It’d be a waste of time to try to overcome that.

“Caleb?” you ask. You’re so patient with him sometimes. You never used to be. Is this from before he died, or after? He’s just been enjoying the feeling of his hands on your skin, your breath on his lips, your body flush against his. You tap his forehead twice with a finger, a careful knock. “You fall asleep with your eyes open?”

“They taught me how to do that at the DAA, y’know,” he says, pulling your hand to his mouth. He nips the fingertip you still have extended and he watches your eyes darken, your lips part. “That’s how I got through those dramas you used to make me watch when I’d come home for the summer.”

You roll your eyes and he loves you. “You watched The Duke’s Secret Bride on your own. I saw it in your streaming history.”

“Keeping an eye on me, huh?”

“Like you’re not doing the same.”

How much do you know? A better question: how much do you suspect? He’s careful. Nothing he does to watch over you should be able to get back to you. It’s all protected by the Fleet’s servers, which have been impenetrable long before Caleb took the rank of colonel. He could ask if that would be a bad thing—but he knows you like your independence. Knows that you would ask him to stop.

“I can’t tell if you’re trying to be mysterious by keeping quiet.”

“Is it working?”

“No,” you say.

“Damn,” he says. “Thought I was getting good at it.”

You’re silent for a moment. Thinking something over. “You have to decide,” you finally say.

“What do you mean?”

“Whether you want to go to bed, or…” Your gaze drops to his lips before you look away from him entirely. So cute. You can’t even say it to him. Does he make you nervous? He likes that he does. But he wants you to feel comfortable, too. Safe. “You have to decide,” you repeat, “because right now it feels like I’ve made all the decisions.”

“I want to take things as slow as you need me to,” he tells you.

“I just—it makes me feel like you don’t want... me.” You chance a look at him again. “Or—not in the way that I want you.”

So far removed from the truth, but he understands. It’s hard for him to believe this is happening, too. It seems that any moment now, you could reveal the truth—this is all an elaborate trick you’re playing on him, just to see how far he’d go. How deep his need is for you.

He pulls you against him, fingers digging into your hips. Lets himself give in, just a little. Drags you up his length, tilts your hips back just enough that he can feel—god, you’re so wet. For him. He hisses out your name through his teeth, breathes out tight and shallow.

Your hands find his shoulders, you press your forehead to his. Say his name back, a call and response. The two of you forever. Together, the way you’ve always been. “More,” you say.

There has never been a request you’ve given Caleb that he’s denied you without good reason. And maybe his control is slipping, but he can find no good reason to deny you this. He digs his fingers into your skin hard enough to bruise—and you will, because he has to consciously think about how much pressure he allows his mechanical arm to apply. He can’t break you. He will never break you.

Slowly, he pulls you down the length of his cock, then drags your hips back up. You make the smallest, sweetest noise against his mouth—and that’s it. He’s gone.

He’s rutting up against you like an animal, dragging your hips down hard, harder, until your hands go to his hair to pull, to hold on. The slick glide of his cock against your heat, the way your body moves when it’s completely in his control, the way you tilt your hips to chase your own pleasure—he’s not gonna last long. Every touch is like a live wire to his nerves, every breathy noise that comes from you like something out of his most twisted fantasy. He’s gonna fuck this up if things don’t slow down.

He opens his mouth to tell you this and all that comes out is a deep groan, and he needs to stop. He can’t last like this and he wants to take care of you and be a gentleman and so incredibly selfishly he doesn’t want to finish unless it’s inside you.

(Control this.) He has to. Fuck. He tries to even his breathing, slows his pace. Loosens his grip on your hips, and already there are bruises blooming. He was too demanding, took too much of what he wanted. “Fuck, pip, I’m sorry—”

“Caleb,” you say—no, beg, and your grip tightens in his hair. Where he slowed, you pick up your own pace. “I’m so close, please, just—your hands, I need them—”

He’s gripping your hips within his next breath, so tight that it feels cruel. Moving you again, because all he needs to know is that you’re close, too. The amount of times he’s got himself off to the idea of this—just making you feel good in any possible way—he wants to drown in you. He could die like this.

“Yeah, like that, perfect,” you tell him, and he likes the affirmation. Didn’t realize how much he’d like hearing that. “Like that,” you repeat, and one of your hands untwines from the hair at the back of his head, moves to lay flat against his chest.

Slowly, slowly it creeps up, the curve between your thumb and pointer finger perfectly lining the base of his neck, the smallest amount of pressure on his windpipe. He makes a noise without really thinking, a little higher-pitched, a little desperate—and the way your eyes light up, the way your mouth curves in satisfaction—

He cums hard, his legs tensing up so quickly that they both cramp up. There’s no control of his body—he can’t stop himself from pulling you against him as your hips continue to rock against him—and fuck , he’s too sensitive for this—until you reach your peak, a sharp and vulnerable noise coming from deep within you, unlike anything he’s ever heard.

You let him hold you. Sink into his embrace the way you’ve done every time he’s ever hugged you. Your body folding into him, tucked away at its edges. He wants all of you. Holding you is a mercy, something he feels he shouldn’t be allowed. Regardless, he closes his eyes, lets himself rest his cheek against your hair. Listens to your deep breaths,

He says your name, like there’s nothing else to say. It always feels special to call you by your name after calling you something else for so long. It’s intimate to him. He wants to know if you feel the same, but this isn’t the time to ask. “You’re so…”

You pull away from his embrace to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth. “Something good, I hope.”

Perfect. He was going to say perfect. The thought of your hand begging to curl around his neck just solidifies the fact. Is he into that? If it’s you—whatever you want, he’d be into it. He just never expected something so bold from you. “Is this—have you done this with anyone else?”

He shouldn’t have asked. It’s not his place. He knows that if you have, it’d be okay. Even though the thought makes his stomach fall through the fucking floor, he knows that he would have to be okay with it.

But you shake your head and his exhale is like a holy blessing. It’s like learning to breathe at full capacity after only using half for years. Only him. He’s the only one that’s ever touched you, and the only one that ever will. All his. “It’s okay. If you have, it’s—you can tell me,” he makes himself say, because he is a good person. He has to be a good person for you. If he was truly a good person, he would tell you not to answer his question. To forget he asked.

But again, you shake your head. You can’t say it out loud, which is so incredibly endearing to him. Still, you manage to ask, “Have you?”

Bold in the way you question him, shy in your own answers. He loves you in a way he doesn’t think anyone has loved before. “No,” he says. “You’re the only person I’ve ever wanted to be with.”

Maybe it’s too much—a view into his brain that might scare you. (You don’t want to scare her.) He doesn’t want to scare you. But he’s said it, and that’s that. You’re still here in his lap, your hand was still curved around his neck with intent, you still kissed him first.

“I know,” you tell him, and he understands—you’re not saying that you knew the whole time. You’re saying that you felt the same. That you waited for him, like he waited for you. You had ample opportunity to move on. The guy whose knees he shattered earlier told him about the way the Onychinus leader treats you, with soft touch and genuine care.

And still you waited, even though his hands could never be that gentle. Even though he’s sure his crimes are on par or worse than this other man who could have claimed you if only you’d let him.

You pull the plug from the bath, run the shower. The both of you clean yourselves off and all he can do is look at you. Even when you’re in pajamas again—his shirt, his shirt—soft and cozy, he just can’t take his eyes off you. The night’s final destination is your bedroom—it’s unspoken, but after that, he’s not sleeping on the couch. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to be far from you ever again. He’s going to have to figure out how to manage being away from you when he could just forget everything and stay close. Just the two of you, his hands on your skin, your lips on his.

When the both of you are settled, lying together in bed, you say, “I always wanted to be your first. I didn’t think I would be.”

“Why would you think that?” he asks, almost affronted even though there are many valid reasons he can think of, even now, that would answer his own question.

You shrug, unable to look at him—not shy, never shy. But still getting comfortable with this kind of vulnerability in his presence. “You’re charming. You know that. And I know there were tons of people that wanted to get with you when you were away at the Academy. And you're—I mean, you know. I don't see why anyone wouldn't want you. You're pretty. And you're—big, and... People like that.”

He has to stop himself from groaning, instead dragging a hand down his face to try to physical push down his reaction. Your voice, saying these things—how long have you thought about him this way? Since you were nineteen, since that almost-kiss? Maybe he hasn’t thought about this more than you. Maybe it’s equal. If that’s the case and he finds out, he’s gonna fuck you into the mattress. He’s gonna lose his entire process of rational thinking. “If you keep saying things like that,” he tells you, and it’s a genuine warning, “it’s gonna be hard for us to go to sleep.”

You smile, amused, as if that was the intended reaction. “Fine. I can be merciful. But I want a kiss.”

Tomorrow morning, he will wake up and things will have changed, but not enough. He will have to report back to the Farspace Fleet as their colonel, and he’ll have to explain his absence to Ever, and the parts of his brain that he’s locked up to keep you safe will suffer without you. He will be a part of Ever’s plans until the day he dies. He will love you until his brain is torn apart by the chip that controls him and there is nothing left but a shell. Something that looks like him but is not.

Right now, he’s still Caleb. He kisses you deep, slow, his tongue running across the roof of your mouth because he wishes he could exist there, right behind your teeth. He slides one big hand underneath your sleep shirt, tries to feel as much of your skin as possible.

And who was he ever kidding? He’s not gonna control himself.

He slides your panties down your leg and tastes you for the first time outside of his imagination and this is the only place he ever wants to be. Tongue curling against you, inside of you, wet noises and the sound of your moans, and what did he do to deserve this?

Nothing. It takes a little longer than he'd like for him to make you cum the first time, but then he gets it. The way your back arches when he sucks, the way your legs tremble when he moans against you. He’ll learn everything. And his name, his name, his name, please, Caleb, baby, I want—

But it doesn’t matter what you want right now, because he’s giving you what you need. Worship as absolution. His fingers curling inside you and making you squirm until there are tears in your eyes, until you’re saying no more , but the thing is that Caleb knows you have more for him, and he’s happy to tell you this.

And you do have more for him. You do, and each time your thighs tighten around his head, and your legs shake after a while, a constant tremble, so he’ll hold them for you. Wouldn’t want you getting tired.

When he loses count—seven? eight?—you finally push him away. Not the little weak nudges you’d given him throughout, but a shove with your full strength behind it, dislodging his head from the cradle of your thighs. He’s so hard for you, but nowhere close to finishing. He doesn’t think he can unless it’s your hands on him, your mouth—no. Maybe he can. Even the thought of that makes something in his stomach twist dangerously, makes his breath halt in his chest.

But there are more important things to think about—you look disappointed. This is the exact opposite of what he wanted. “Too much?” he asks, but he can’t quite get himself to apologize. He knows he won’t really mean it. But there’s also a part of him, ingrained like code, that makes him need to give you what you want. He took too much for himself again. Did what he knew was best for you rather than what you thought would be best.

“I don’t—I can’t handle it after that. I wanted you to—” And you can’t even say it now. All that bluster from earlier, talking about another man fucking you. Or—maybe he misunderstands. Because you say, “I want you,” and it’s clear what you mean but you’re so earnest.

You want him to make love to you. Not to fuck you. Because that would be such a callous way to put what crossing that final boundary would mean to you. But it’s a little out-dated, a little too much to use those words. There’s nothing else to replace them with. “I want you,” you repeat, and everything in him softens for you. His perfect girl.

“Next time,” he promises, and he means it. He won’t do this to you again until you’ve had what you want. He’ll do his best to be good. To think about how it would feel to be inside of you—divine, he’s sure, and even that thought extends inside of him horribly, pulls tight like something ready to snap—instead of thinking about what’ll be best for you.

He moves up the bed to kiss you, the lower half of his face soaked. Maybe he should clean himself off first? No. Not with the way you’re looking at him, not with the way you say come here, please . He kisses you with tongue, can’t stop himself from whining a little when he pulls back and sees your face streaked with your own cum.

“You didn’t…” you start.

“I did,” he said. “Earlier, y’know—when you took advantage of a poor, tired man in your bathtub.”

You snort, roll your eyes, act like you’re annoyed. He could fuck the attitude out of you right now, make you apologize for it. Over and over until he’s satisfied—which, knowing him, would take a long minute. He can always tell when you mean it and when you’re saying sorry just to say sorry. And he’d make you mean it.

No. You’re too overstimulated for that. And besides, he’s being good. He’s trying so, so hard to be good.

“Get yourself off,” you say. A command.

His bravado dries up in his throat. The attitude is doing something different to him now. Something worse. “An order?”

“Yeah,” you say, consider something dangerous. “And you can’t use your hands.”

“Oh… my god.” The words are mumbled into the crook of your neck. His eyes are closed. Your voice is fucking incredible. “Do you want me to—how should I—”

“However you want,” you tell him, but he can tell you’re up to something. This is the sound of you when you’re up to something. “But be careful with me. I’m sensitive, remember?”

He wants to be anything but careful with you. You frustrate him to no end and also make him want to smile every second of the day when you play with him like this. He loves being your toy. Christ, that sounds—a little crazy. But that’s always what he’s been for you, so it doesn’t really matter all that much, he figures.

Your hips in his hands, he grinds himself against you. He’s careful to avoid where you’re most sensitive—really just ruts against your hip, your lower stomach, dick straining against his sweats. He has to reach out above your head, his fingers wrapping around one of the wooden slats of your headboard, because otherwise he’ll push you up the bed uncomfortably and he needs to fuck you. No—he needs you to be comfortable. That’s what he meant. His head is spinning and he wishes he wasn’t wearing sweatpants because he wants to feel your skin against him.

They’re going to be ruined but he couldn’t give any less of a fuck. He has to do what you ordered him to do. And even like this—god, you feel so good—he gets close so quickly. His breathing is shallow, labored. He tries to say your name but can’t. His noises are all broken, pitchy, too vulnerable.

The friction of your soft body against the underside of his cock is torture. Your shirt’s ridden up and he has one hand on your thigh and there are already so many bruises, little coin-sized marks from his fingers and mouth that say she belongs to someone . He wants you to do the same. He wants to have more than just scars from childhood that he gained for you. He already belongs to you but he needs it in every way. He wants your teeth to break the delicate skin of his lips and mark him up permanently, so everyone always knows.

He kisses you hard while he rocks his hips against you desperately, like he can tell you this without saying it out loud, and when he nips your bottom lip you return in kind, biting hard just the way he knew you would. Not enough to truly hurt him—but he’ll get you there eventually.

“So good,” you say—put your hands on his shoulders and moan into his ear, dig your fingernails into his shirt. It’s like he’s one step removed from fucking you for real and he thinks you know this, because there’s no real pleasure you could be getting out of this. Apart from the pleasure of seeing him do this for you. Seeing how quickly he unravels even when he’s only able to touch you like this. “So good,” you repeat. “My good boy.”

He cums so fast that it could be a record. Eyes screwed closed, fingers digging into your thigh and the slat of your headboard, nose buried against the crook of your neck. You smell like sweat and body wash and fuck, fuck , he wishes he was inside you, and he rides out the waves of his orgasm against you, dragging his oversensitive cock against your hip. He didn’t even cum this much in the bath—it’s copious, a stupid amount. He could be fucking this into you right now but he has to follow orders. He has to do what you want.

He’s talking shit and he doesn’t even know what he’s saying, just snippets of gonna fuck you so full of my cum next time and so sweet and bet your pussy’s even sweeter and thank you, baby, thank you and thank you for letting me cum and god, fuck, I love you, thank you so much.

When his breathing has calmed, he realizes he’s putting a little too much of his body weight on you—but you don’t seem to mind. Your hands cradle his head, fingers tracing his hairline. He shivers a little at the touch, at the overwhelming after of probably the best orgasm he’s had in his entire life.

“I didn’t think you’d like that so much,” you say. Amused, again. When did you get good at getting the upper hand on him like this?

He can’t look at you. There’s a better question he should be asking. Is he into that? And how many times is he gonna ask himself this question today? The real answer is that he thinks he’d be into anything if you were the one doing it. Maybe he has a couple hard nos, but not many. He’s so bent out of shape over you that he could get off to your bare shoulder, or the skin of your ankles between low-rise socks and a pair of jeans. Anything you do is sexy to him.

He racks his brain for a response that doesn’t feel like giving in. It’s hard with the quiet emptiness that fills his mind, the contentedness of you holding him after letting him do some weirdly depraved shit. “You really have a mouth on you,” is what he settles on.

“Yep,” you say. Nip his earlobe. Jesus—you can’t get him worked up again. You cannot get him worked up again. “Does things like that.”

“Baby, please,” he says. He’s spent entirely. The inside of his sweats is uncomfortably sticky and slick. He needs to fix that and get you both to bed. “Please.”

You laugh. If it wasn’t his favorite sound in the world, he would pinch your cheek, maybe bite you back. Anything to annoy you a little. “Fine,” you say. Admitting to knowing what you were doing. “But let me clean you up.”

Finally, he allows himself to pull away from you. To hold himself up over your body, his face inches from yours. He taps your nose with one long finger, shaking his head. “Nuh-uh. You and those wandering hands. I think it’s best if I take care of that myself.”

“Ugh,” you say, dramatic, and he loves you. “Have it your way. Go clean up alone, I guess.”

“I’ll be thinking of you the whole time,” he promises. Something easy to keep.

You roll your eyes. “You’d better be. Leaving me by myself out here.”

“I’ll be back for you, duh,” he says, and kisses you like it’s his usual. Already a habit he never intends to break. “Can’t just leave you here all messy like this.”

“I don’t ever want you to leave me,” you say—and it’s a little more serious. Your mouth is still set in the small smile you have when you’re amused, but your eyes are devoid of mirth. This is you telling him seriously. I don’t ever want you to leave me, and the again is unspoken but understood by both of you.

“I won’t,” he says, but he’s terrified to make this sound like a promise. Not as easy to keep. “Not if I can help it.”

And you understand that he can’t assure you he’ll be there forever. He sees it in your eyes—something muted and hurt, but not by him. By the circumstance. “You’d better do everything you can.”

For you, he’ll always do this. He’ll claw himself back to life, he’ll tear apart whoever he needs to if it assures his freedom. He’ll work tirelessly to make sure that the only person he belongs to is you. This is what he needs to do now. This is his new command, his new set of orders to follow. “I will,” he says, and then repeats it. “I love you.”

You look at him for a moment, pensive. “In what way?”

“Every way,” he says. “I love you the way I loved you when I was a kid. But also differently. More.”

“More,” you repeat, and he wishes he was more eloquent. You’ve always been the one with the great vocabulary, the penchant for reading books for fun instead of just to figure out how to put together mechanical models or fix plane engines.

“I love you completely.” It’s the only way he can think to put it. “All of you. Everything. And I won’t ever not.”

Finally, you smile. A small thing he doesn’t deserve. “Tell me again,” you say. Troublemaker.

“I love you completely.”

“And you always will.”

He nods. “I always will.”

You take his face in your hands and kiss his cheeks, the corners of his lips. He’s never felt warmth like this. “Then you’re stuck with me,” you tell him, "because I feel the same way.”

And it’s enough for Caleb. It’s more than he deserves, and everything he’s ever wanted. His life. A list. What he’s wanted since he was too young to want it.

Just you, entirely and always.

˚✧ ﾟ.

Life with Caleb is all uncertainties. You knew that this would be the case. You can count on several things: if he can’t see you because of work, he’ll call you whenever he can. He’ll always tell you how much he loves you before he ends these calls. When he comes to see you, it’s always with a gift—a favorite snack, a trinket he saw in Skyhaven that made him think of you, sometimes a handful of blooms he’d picked from the apple trees near his home.

You press them into bookmarks, encase them in resin. Pretty white blossoms flattened and kept perfect forever, a symbol of how he feels for you. They will outlast the both of you. Long after you’re both dead, the flowers will look exactly as they did when you sat with him on your couch and pulled them out from between pages of your oldest and heaviest book.

You will never be entirely sure that you won’t lose him at some point. You will never be entirely sure that Ever won’t do something terrible to him without his consent. You will never be entirely sure that he’ll come back from the Deepspace Tunnel when he flies off for his weeks-long missions.

But he always loves you, and you always love him. This is undeniable, non-negotiable.

He surprises you sometimes, too, when the both of you have time. Dates that are thoughtful and sweet. A weekend away together, when the Fleet can spare him.

In the depth of summer, he takes you out into the country. Tells you to prepare a bag with everything you usually need at home. Two hours from Linkon, a house sits on the edge of its own lake. An older build but obviously well-kept, with wood-panel walls and a wrap-around porch. It’s nothing you would have expected from him, until he takes you to the bathroom and you see the tub. Free-standing, like the one from your childhood home.

“Let me wash your hair,” he says. Asks, really, despite it not being a question. He’d spend the time doing whatever you wanted him to do—this you know. But you love that he asks, that he voices his wants. You love that his wants often involve taking care of you, even if that’s a little selfish.

He knows how to do everything perfectly. You taught him well when you were younger, and he didn’t forget. He never forgets anything you teach him.

“It’s so pretty like this,” he tells you. Short, he means. Shorter than it was when you were younger. The most stark reminder that this is what has come after. You’re not nineteen anymore. Caleb isn’t at the DAA, so far away from you that sometimes you’d get scared he’d left without saying goodbye. You exist together as these new people you’ve become, love each other as well as you can.

You sit on the porch during sunset, after Caleb insists on drying your hair for you, too. You’re sure his arms are tired, his hands stiff. He doesn’t complain once. There’s a swinging bench, pillowed with a high back. Sitting between Caleb’s legs, you lean back against his chest, let his large body engulf you. He was right when he accused you of loving this.

Fireflies dot the budding night sky. The forest that surrounds the lake turns dark, blends into the void that hangs above. It’s hard to tell between firefly and star. It’s hard to tell when exactly you knew what Caleb was doing by bringing you here, to this place that replicates your childhood home not in entirety but in a few very specific ways.

Your childhood was nowhere near this grand, this isolated. You lived in the city. You were lucky to have a porch. You were lucky to have Caleb and you still are. “I love you,” you tell him, in this imperfect replica of the spot where he could have kissed you such a long time ago.

“I know, baby,” he says, presses a kiss to the top of your head.

You tell him that you love him less than he tells you. You’re scared, sometimes, to still be so vulnerable with him. So much has happened. You’re still in the middle of so much chaos, an indeterminate end guaranteed for the two of you. When you say it to him, he doesn’t say it back—as if to not spook you. He knows your limits. Always, he will be the person that understands your boundaries without you having to say them aloud.

“So are you going to kiss me or not?” you ask—a little antagonistic on purpose. You’ll thank him for doing this, for bringing you here, but you have to give him a hard time first.

Maybe you’re imagining it, but it’s like you can feel him smile, feel the amusement coming from his body as he holds you. “I dunno, pip. It’s special, being my first kiss and all. I’m nervous.”

“You’re so annoying,” you say, and you turn and pull him to you by the neck of his sweater and you kiss him, the way you should have the last time this happened, nineteen and hopeful. You forgot your own agency. You were scared of it, more accurately.

There was something there to ruin. The same as the first time you kissed him for real, in your apartment after he came to you exhausted and bleeding. Believing him dead was what showed you that the risk was worth it. Because losing him without letting him knowing your true feelings was the most empty you’d ever felt. You couldn’t deal with that again.

You bite his lower lip—one of his favorite things while kissing you. It never fails to get a reaction, his hands always tightening their grip on you with intent.

And he does, predictable in a way that drives you crazy. “During my first ever kiss?” he pulls back to ask, and you kiss him again and bite harder.

Exactly what he wanted, you’re sure. He groans deep, breathlessly, whispers your name between breaths. Done with joking, now. His hands pull at the ends of your shirt— his shirt, all you sleep in these days.

You put your hands atop his. He stops kissing you to look at you in question, brows drawn up high, concern in his eyes. Did I go too far? is always the question on his lips, always the worry that sits in his bones.

“Caleb…” you say, a soft reprimand. “You're trying to go farther during my first ever kiss?”

He laughs, then squishes your cheeks with one hand, forcing your mouth into a pout. “You think you’re so cute, don’t you.”

You narrow your eyes, your squished pout turning into a squished smile. He loosens his grip, hand instead cupping your chin, tilting your face up to his. “I think you think I’m cute.”

“I know you’re cute,” he says, and he means it. You can tell he does.

“Thank you for doing this,” you say. “You can be a sweetheart when you want to be.”

He wraps his arms around you, pulls you into his embrace. Rubs his chin against the top of your head, something you think he used to do to annoy you but that’s become one of your favorite ways to be touched by him. “Hmm,” he says, pretending to think about it. “Only for you.”

“That’s what I like to hear,” you say, because it’s true. You want him to be sweet only for you, the way you’re sweet only for him.

That’ll be the case until, inevitably, one of you leaves the other. Not by choice. By death or something worse. You wouldn’t leave Caleb for anything else—but you’ve gotten better at thinking less about the future and more about the present. About Caleb’s arms around you, his chin resting on your head, his hands keeping you grounded and steady.

“We should stay here forever,” he says, and you both know that you can’t. Soon you will leave, and life will resume, and the fears you’ll always have will be right back where they always are, sitting like rocks in your lungs.

But that’s not now.

“I’d love that,” you tell him. Melt into his arms, breathe in the smell of his aftershave and earth-logged night and mineral oil. “Let’s stay here forever.”

#lads caleb x reader #caleb lads x reader #this was fun to write but god...... they're so odd. love them #if i didn't tag something correctly PLEASE lmk i am happy to fix things #im just bad at tagging

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