#Sal is and will always be a menace

[entomolog-t]

The Shadow We Cast - 4

Two guys and too many beers leads to more shenanigans.

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Previous Chapter: Chapter 3

Next Chapter: Chapter 5 (Coming Soon)

Word count: 2998

CW: Adult language, substances (beer/drinking), animal death (fishing/hunting)

It was beyond crazy to me that the most normal I’d ever felt was drinking beers with a weird little man who stood no more than, what, 6 inches tall at most? How many years had it been since the last time I had this much fun? The last time I felt like I could talk and laugh this freely? It just felt so… normal? The thought seemed ridiculous- I mean, the situation was anything but… and yet here I was, thoroughly buzzed and listening intently as if we were old friends.

Sal paraded around the table, reenacting some grand adventure I could only wrap my head around with the help of however many tallboys I’d downed over the past few hours. Tales of hunting monstrous beasts and climbing unfathomable heights. He wove wild stories of a world so foreign yet so familiar… quite literally a world in my backyard.

As I nursed another drink, Sal set the scene, recounting a day-long trek he'd made out to the lake. Mist rose off the water as loons called to one another, their haunting voices echoing off the calm water. He watched intently as they slipped under the water, barely even a ripple disturbing the surface of the lake.

As if he was painting a picture in my mind, I sat enthralled, feeling as if I could feel the crispness of the water washing away the heat of the sun as he spent the day swimming in the shallows. The way he spoke… It didn't feel like I was imagining his retelling from my perspective- but his own. His perspective felt like something … almost fantastical.

"I tried to lure some of the minnows, but I couldn't get close enough to spear them without them darting off.” As if still wielding a spear he eyed the non existent minnows, patiently following some unseen motion as he remained poised to strike. “The bigger minnows seemed slower, but they wouldn't come near shallow enough. I ended up using some of the dried grub rations I'd brought with me as bait, and boy did it work like a charm. I swam I bit farther out with the bait and-"

Spear raised, I could practically see the imaginary impact- watching as the massive fish- or minnow, thrashed against the sharpened twig. I was enthralled- the way his muscles moved with the motion was almost… intimidating, bringing forth thoughts of him human sized, spearing a monster of a fish while swimming in some dangerous Amazonian river. 

“The damn thing was a bitch to swim with,” he groaned, annoyance clear on his face, “For one- it was heavy. But worse,” Sal huffs, “It was still moving.” Despite the exasperation on his face in recounting the ordeal, the man’s face couldn’t help but return to grinning. 

“So then I’m swimming back, right? Honestly more like flailing with the stupid minnow in tow, but I’m keeping above water for the most part… but I keep hearing this clicking… almost squeaking noise? Weirder yet- it's coming from below me.” He pauses, lowering his voice and I’m quite literally reeled in by his story, leaning forward on the edge of my seat. 

“Then- whoosh!” 

Sal grabs at the air. My heart jumps in my chest as the man’s hand lashes out just inches from my face. 

“This monstrous bastard of a creature - absolutely huge,” He pauses, shooting me a cheesy grin, “Second only to you, big man.” I snort and Sal picks right up where he left off, “It was all murky brown with thick these thick… whiskers? And it just sucks me into its mouth with this horrific gulp. Next thing I know I’m being dragged underwater, half in its mouth, pounding on its head just hoping it’ll let me go if I hit it hard enough.”

My breath hitches, a shudder running through me as I make the connection- A catfish. 

“With nothing to lose, I stab it. The spear goes right through its eye and-” Sal pauses, making sure he has my full attention.

“And?”

“Nothing!” Sal laughs as if it was hilarious and not down right horrifying, “That stupid thing didn’t even flinch! I don’t know if it didn’t go deep enough or if I just missed any vital enough part, but it did absolutely nothing!”

He leans forward, no longer laughing as his face takes on a grim expression.

“At this point I start to get worried.”

“Start?!” I scoff. Sal dismisses my interruption with a wave of his hand.

"My lungs are burning, and the thing’s clamped down hard on my stomach. I'm stuck holding that stupid spear for life as it keeps doing this.. this…” He shudders, face twisting in disgust, “-weird gulping thing,” Sal shakes his head as if banishing the memory, “So I ripped that spear out and using everything I had I-” His fist came down, “- drove that spear right back into its head.” 

Sal pantomimed a gruesome show-  stabbing again and again in the world's most horrific display of charades as he brutalised the memory of the catfish. 

“Finally,” He says, voice filled with a mix of relief and exasperation as if he’d just relived the whole ordeal, “it dies.” 

I, stupidly, sigh in relief, as if somehow I couldn't have predicted the outcome with him quite literally standing in front of me.

“My lungs are on fire as I swim to the surface- and man, air never tasted so sweet.” Looking down at Sal, he's beaming, laughing like a kid as he recounts his victory over the massive fish. “And then it hits me- tasted!” 

I furrow my brow, not quite following. Sal continues, frustration returning.

“No spear- and no fucking minnow! As if, after all that, air was gonna be the only thing I’d be tasting!”

After a brief pause I couldn't help but laugh. His smile grew even wider as he raved on, swinging his hands as he continued on about his harrowing ordeal.

“I refused to swim back empty handed after that shitshow- So I spent the whole afternoon dragging that giant bastard back to shore!” 

Fuck. I stare at him, eyes wide. I can’t shake the disbelief as I try to think of what would be the equivalent feat- Dragging an orca back to shore? …Something bigger? I’ve never been an avid fisherman (nor did I have any plans to start) and really had no concept of how big the catfish in the lake got aside from the notion that they were definitely bigger than Sal.

“I get that monster to land- spend about 30 minutes on a fire that just won't start, until I'm finally able to start cooking that beast!” 

He paces along the length of the table, his steps not nearly as sure footed as they had been a few hours prior. Even with his tiny frame I can easily make out the sheer rage simmering behind his eyes.

“And y'know what?” His voice, now starting to slur, is teeming with all the theatrics of a man at his absolute limit. I swallow, desperate to hold back a laugh I know is coming.

“What?”

“That fucking thing tasted awful!” Each word was spat with such ferocity it was as if he was trying to spit out the memory of the creature's taste.

There was no helping it.

With my inhibitions long since drowned, I laugh. I laugh louder than I have in years. I laugh until my sides ache- until tears prick at the edge of my eyes.

And he laughs with me.

“Pond scum! Tha' shtupid thing tasted exactly how pond scum smells!”

My vision blurs, tears threatening to spill over as he continues to rant and rave, but the sound of my laughing completely drowns out whatever critical opinions he was espousing on catfish edibility. 

Wiping at my eyes, my brain takes a few tipsy seconds to focus back on the little man. Still shirtless, Sal had sat back, reclining with his back against one of the many empties as he lifted up what was arguably the equivalent to a very generous pitcher to his mouth with little effort- the relative ease of the action catching me by surprise as I imagined myself fumbling at doing the same. 

He… he was built. 

Quite literally a brick shithouse, if said shithouse belonged to Barbie.  

Broad seemed like a fitting word. Broad chested, broad shoulders, broad smile- Hell, even his legs had a width to them. Sal looked as if he had stepped directly out of an instagram fitness post, with his … excessive biceps flexing under the weight of the shot glass, the act a paradoxical effortless display of effort. Even at his diminutive size, I could tell this man was anything but small. He-

He coughs.

My eyes dart away from his body in an instant, snapping back to his face… accompanied with heat rising in my own. As my eyes meet his, I’m again struck with the absolute absurdity of the situation.

I'm here… getting drunk… with a tiny man… He’s right there- arms reach in front of me… 

And yet he still doesn't seem real.

My hand twitches at my side.

Touch him.

As my hand slides towards him, his gaze quickly flicks from my face to my hand and back to my face again. Confusion flashing across his features for a brief moment before his lopsided grin reappears. My finger tips barely graze him as he sidesteps my hand, shoving my fingers away. 

Huh. There's a surprising amount of weight behind his push. 

“Hands t'yourself, Big Guy.” Sal laughs, “You gotta take me to dinner first.”

It takes a moment for my brain to follow his words, and I snort. 

“Is that not what I did?” 

Sal blinks.

His own brain seeming to lag as realization dawns on him. After a moment's delay, he laughs. 

Sal takes an unsteady step forward, the sway in his weight more noticeable than before. He’s still smiling, but a look of concern crosses his features as he stares at the ground in front of him.

“I feel weird.” 

“You’re drunk.”

He looks back up towards me and I point to the drink. After a moment', Sal nods, seemingly cluing in. Maybe? I really couldn’t tell.  For all I know, that nod might have been him nodding off with how stunted the gesture had looked. 

“It…” He starts his sentence and seems to forget it half way through, taking a long blink in between words “... makes you dizzy?” 

I lean forward to rest my head on the table, starting to feel all too alike. 

“Mmm- yeah, when you’ve had a bit much.” 

With that, I slid the shot glass away from him- An act which was apparently the most egregious party foul ever to have been committed. Shouts of protest erupt beneath me, as he trails after the glass. 

With a laugh, I try to shoo him away, but man, the little guy can move. Despite the sway to his stride, Sal ducks my hand with ease.

“Dude,” I laugh, opting to pick up the glass, “You.. uh, you’ve had 'nough- you're gonna get sick.”

My words feel thick, almost sticky, in my mouth, and the thought crosses my mind that I should probably be taking my own advice.

“'m fine.” 

I snort. The man didn't even know what beer was all of two hours ago, and here he was thinking he knew his limits.

“'s if you’d know,” I chuckle. “You're stumblin' 'round.”

Sal narrows his eyes.

“I am not!”

“Oh really?” My words slur together, thick with condescension and alcohol as a smile down at him. I shove a finger to his chest, I give a little push. Sal shoots glare as he staggers back.

“See?” I chuckle, “You're totally shtumbling!” 

Eyes wide, he stares up at me, brain seeming to short-circuit for a moment before a goofy grin plasters itself across his face. I feel my own face mirror his expression as we break out into drunken laughter. 

The laughter hit me hard. 

I laughed at Sal's near cartoonish drunkenness.

I laughed at how he stumbled with a push from a finger.

I laughed at the strangeness- the reality shattering strangeness- of his very existence.

This... this is really strange...

As our collective laughter died down I took in a deep inhale. I needed to know more. I couldn’t keep up the half assed charade of normalcy. 

“Sal-”

In the brief moment I’d let my guard down, the tiny man quite literally pounces. I yank my hand away a fraction of a second before he lands, Sal stumbling as his weight falls forward. Before his face makes contact with the table, Sal seemingly just… goes with it? Just flowing with the momentum as if stumbling forward had been completely intended. With surprisingly little effort, his would-be fall morphs into a drunkenly graceful forward roll, carrying him to a stand- albeit, an unsteady one. 

For a moment, I’m at a loss for words, and before I’m able to react to whatever odd show of athleticism I’d just witnessed, he’s already at it again, eyes locked onto the shot glass like a cat locked onto a mouse. I move to shoo him away with my free hand, yet I’m met with nothing but empty space as Sal scrambles underneath the gesture. 

Again, he tries for the glass. 

Launching himself at my hand, I feel his hands graze my own before I lift the glass out of reach. Sal lands with a stumble, a lopsided grin sitting smugly on his face as he looks from the glass to me. 

Sal lowers his stance, looking something between a sprinter at the blocks and a mountain lion set to pounce. 

Seeing the gears in his head turning (albeit, slowly), I clue in. Before he gets the chance to scale me for the beverage, I make a grab for him. 

And yet, despite my efforts, somehow Sal winds up on top of my hand. It was like trying to grab at water- with him just flowing out of my grasp. Abandoning the shot glass, I grab at him with my free hand- watching dumbstruck as he drunkenly pivots, turning to jump at my in coming hand.

I freeze- Trying and failing to keep my hand steady as Sal hangs off my fingers. 

With my lack of reaction, Sal takes the opportunity to climb my fingers like some sort of rope ladder. 

To my horror, he climbs all of them, heaving himself to a shaky stand on the side of my index finger- Hands on his hips and grin on his face. 

I meet his gaze and he laughs, his expression smug as he wags his finger at me.

“Too shlow.” 

Arms out in a stumbling balance act, Sal begins walking across the edge of my hand looking oddly similar to a failed roadside sobriety test. Pausing, he frowns, pouting in frustration before bending over. For a moment, I think he’s about to throw up. Instead, he plants his hands firmly on my forearm.  

My stomach drops.  

With no effort whatsoever, Sal switches to walking on his hands- somehow just as drunkenly. Swaying side to side, every “step” seemed to overcompensate for the last, looking as if he was perpetually on the verge of tipping over.

And then he did.

In a split second, I’m sober.

My hand darts out, closing awkwardly around his form with all the grace and fine motor skills of a man marginally less drunk. Unmoving and unblinking, Sal stares up at me, a strange sound escaping him… almost as if a hum got caught in his throat. I could have almost been convinced he was nothing but an action figure with the way Sal went rigid- if not for his heart beating wildly beneath my fingertips. 

My own heart drummed in my ears, and for a moment, just a single moment, it didn’t bother me that he was sticky. 

He swallows. The tiny, but very human action feels uncanny at his size. The rise and fall of his chest, the strangely sizable weight of him in my hands… all of it is just so… strange. He feels solid - tense beneath my grip. Fuck- even at his size he felt strong. My eyes trace over the myriad of scars that marred his skin, gaze lingering over the clear bite mark that covered his shoulder and chest…

I hadn't even noticed my thumb tracing over it until I felt him try and push the digit away.

“Mark-” 

“Oh- sorry.” I adjust my grip into something I assume is more comfortable, opting to hold him in a way that left him semi-seated in my palms rather than awkwardly dangling from a first.

It's a weird sight, seeing a grown man sitting in your hands. Every small movement I make has him sway, his head drunkenly lolling back as he slurs a few indistinguishable words with a chuckle. Up close like this he looks just about as drunk as he sounds- red in the face and eyes struggling to stay open. 

Adjusting my grip, I cringe.

He was more than just a little sticky.

His pants clung to my skin, peeling off as I moved like a Band-Aid being removed. The mental image sends a shudder down my spine.

I consider taking the opportunity to wipe off the concerningly sticky little man while I have the chance, though a more rational voice in the back of my mind argues that a good host doesn’t assault their “neighbor” with wet wipes. 

Below, Sal grumbles something unintelligible, clearly displeased with me as he swats at my fingers. Though despite his attempts, my fingers lingered. 

Ugh- He left a stain on my hand! 

I glare at the dark smear of sauce he’d wiped off onto his pants, silently reconsidering the option of dousing the man in dish soap, let alone wet wipes, etiquette be damned. 

Instead, I opted for another drink.

[vaulthunterlands]

BORDERLANDS COLLEGE AU

Stupid idea I had a few nights ago, don't think too hard about the inconsistencies in ages and stuff. Probably just doing Vault Hunters and a few other characters.

ROLAND

Majoring in cybersecurity. Good student, studies and gets consistently high grades. Has a well-formulated meal and workout plan. Also an RA on campus. Roland is the guy you go to if you have issues. He might not be great at "talking you through them" or "showing empathy" but he always has solid advice and is well-respected by his peers.

BRICK

I was going to say "Brick wouldn't go to college in canon" but this isn't canon babeyyyy. Brick is going into veterinary medicine. You may think this is completely off as a major for him, but I argue that his love for dogs is far greater than any challenge he may face in his education. Still a gym maniac. Roland is his RA, which means Roland is in charge of calming Brick down when he gets mad. Dating Mordecai. Also, unrelated but Brick in a philosophy class:

"Brick, can you tell us what you think about what Descartes said?"

"I PUNCH Descartes."

LILITH

Y'all are going to hate me for this but Lilith is a chemistry major. Girl loves fire, electricity, and acid so you can't tell me she wouldn't be a menace in her labs. (Also, before the first game was released her full title was "Dr. Lilith Cashlin, Mercenary Scientist") Only goes to class half the time but still does really well. Rooms with Mordecai and Brick. Huge crush on this RA she keeps seeing around

MORDECAI

BIRD MAAAAAN. Y'all already know this guy is doing two things on campus. 1) Majoring in Ornithology 2) Going to parties to get drunk. This man is the epitome of "college is for partying". Keeps birds in campus (not allowed) and is doing okay in his classes (he is hung over 80% of the time) (Mordy pls) Dating Brick.

PATRICIA TANNIS

Honestly, what field of science ISN'T this girl majoring in? She's insane(ly smart) and constantly gets perfect scores on all of her exams. Closest friends are Roland and the gang.

MARCUS

Why is he here??? What??? Marcus is the guy who runs the restaurant that is directly across the street from campus. *Phenomenal* food, but GOD is it pricey. Tends to not care about many of the students chilling (as long as they BUY SOMETHING)

SCOOTER

Doesn't go to this college but he's good friends with Roland and his pals. Likes to go out drinking with them on the weekends and is just all-in-all a cool guy to hang around with. Friends with Janey.

AXTON

BMOC. Captain of the football team. You can trust him! (He's the water boy.) Total jock but he's not an asshole about it. Majoring in Rehabilitation Science. He's... not the *best* student, but he does try and genuinely care about what he wants to do. Lives with Salvador, Maya, and Zer0 in a dorm.

SALVADOR

Culinary major. My man can COOK. He's the best cook in the dorm and no one will ever argue if he offers to cook. Really good student even though he parties all the time with Mordecai, Brick, and Axton. Lives with Maya, Axton, and Zer0.

ZER0

*Insert weeb joke here* They're a literature major. Not just because of the haiku, either. I feel like Zer0 would be fantastic in literature courses and understanding thr deeper meanings in texts. They are seen as a "weird kid" on campus. They do not care. Lives with Maya, Salvador, and Axton.

MAYA

The reason I made this list (big surprise, V does a huge post and it's Maya's fault), Maya majors in entomology. (S/O to @forbiddenpurplesoda for this because I've always thought Maya would be a bug girl) Maya is a phenomenal student and she always gets great marks in her studies. Lives with Axton, Sal and Zer0. Has at least one pet beetle that makes Axton panic.

GAIGE

Mechanical Engineering/Robotics major. Obviously built Deathtrap as a buddy because she felt a little lonely in her dorm. Calls her Dad every night. Has a huge crush on a girl in one of her math classes. Lives with...

KRIEG!!!!

Listen. Listen. Krieg majors in psychology. The *actual* football captain. Doesn't talk much and when he does, it's complete nonsense. (Everyone just goes "haha classic Krieg") Gaige gets along with him extremely well. Maya and him have a thing where they will just look at each other and think "holy shit they're so gorgeous). Always wears a face mask.

TINA

Child prodigy chemistry major, buddies with Lilith and Roland. But seriously, who let this kid in the lab? Like, okay, yeah, she knows what she's doing, but what she's doing is COMBUSTION REACTIONS. How is she still in school.

ELLIE

Engineering major. Lives in the building across from Roland and the gang. Absolute sweetheart and huge flirt but will also drop you on her ass if you threaten her friends.

MOXXI

I could see Moxxi as a professor of engineering, actually. Every student thinks she's gorgeous and she's learned to ignore it. Scooter and Ellie's Mom. Thinks their friends are funny.

HANDSOME JACK

Oh man, this one was tough. I decided on absolute tool you meet in college who's the head of a frat and thinks he's God's gift to women. Lives in the same building as Roland, Lilith, Brick, Mordecai, Salvador, Axton, Maya, Zer0, Gaige, and Krieg. Constantly getting into arguments with... basically everyone listed above. Majors in business.

ANGEL

She's an art major!!! She's super intelligent and aces all of her classes but she absolutely loves art. Jack is her brother in this AU. Has a crush on the cute punk girl in her math class but could never tell her. Lives in a single.

ALISTAIR HAMMERLOCK

Double majors in conservation biology and zoology! Finds the creatures that he studies absolutely fascinating and always has a bright disposition on his face. Lives in a single that looks exactly like you think it does (his room on Sanctuary III). Strained relationship with his sister.

ATHENA

Acient History Major, specifically interested in Ancient Greece (wonder why?). Works at Marcus' restaurant. Hates it. Pay her more. Has her eyes on a girl that frequents Marcus' restaurant. Tried to live with Wilhelm, Jack, Nisha, Timothy, and Claptrap for a semester, she is now a commuter. Still friends with Timothy.

WILHELM

Jack's second-in-command. People look at him like he's a dumbass, big hunk of meat, but he's also in a robotics major. Aside from being buddies with Jack, he's... kind of chill? Man likes what he likes and he works out pretty often. Boxes in his free time. Lives with Nisha, Jack, Timothy, and (formerly) Claptrap.

NISHA

Criminal justice major, naturally. Jack's girlfriend and the baddest and scariest bitch on campus. Likes watching old western movies. Never, ever shows up to class but still passes. No one knows how. Lives with Jack, Timothy, Wilhelm, and (formerly) Claptrap

CLAPTRAP

Theater major! Always has a smile on his face, even though he's nooooot very well-liked. Tried to get in with the popular guys but eventually figured out he was being used. He confronted Jack and Jack kicked him out of the dorm 😔 Lives... well, he kind of just lives around Roland's dorm. Roland's too nice to say no.

TIMOTHY

I feel like Tim would be a Biology major. I don't know why but I can see him in that field. Looks SCARILY similar to Jack, and hates this. Unfortunately put into a room with Jack, Wilhelm, Nisha, and (formerly) Claptrap. Misses Athena greatly and wishes she still lived on campus. They're still good friends.

AURELIA HAMMERLOCK

Oh good lord, who let her on a college campus. Has an extravagant single room because she's *rich* and she's not sharing with someone else are you insane? Studies law because this bitch wants to be a judge someday. Absolutely hates to be seen with her brother Alistair. Rivalry with another rich law student makes this even more tense.

JANEY SPRINGS

Doesn't go to this college but she knows a few people around campus and hits up Marcus' restaurant for a bite to eat every so often. The food is just so good, right? No other reason. None at all. Friends with Scooter.

RHYS STRONGFOK

Rhys is a business and economics major. Is in Jack's frat. Is getting increasingly sick of Jack's shit. Buddy buddy with Vaughn, Fiona, and Zer0. Dating Sasha.

VAUGHN

Accounting major. Man has a mind like a steel trap, and also enjoys bodybuilding. Best friends with Rhys, good friends with Fiona and Sasha.

FIONA

I genuinely feel like Fiona would be a nursing or Healthcare major. I have no basis for this, it just feels right for her. Hates Jack and keeps telling Rhys to tell him to fuck off. Friends with Rhys and Vaughn, Sasha's older sister.

SASHA

Social work major! Loves helping people and wants to make a change in the world after she and Fiona grew up in less-than-ideal circumstances. Dating Rhys, also keeps telling Rhys to get away from Jack. Friends with Vaughn.

MOZE

Transfer student. Served in the military for a while before deciding she wanted to go to college. Undecided major but she's just trying to focus on the pretty women I mean her grades haha am I right? ALWAYS at Marcus'. Always. Lives with Zane, Amara, and FL4K.

FL4K

FL4K has Mr. Chew, Broodless and Meat-Thief as emotional support animals. I can see FL4K as a double major in zoology and veterinary medicine. Loves their pets. Super chill unless you speak badly about them or their pets. Will shank a bitch. Lives with Zane, Moze, and Amara.

AMARA

Healthcare studies major, with a focus on pathology. Also a bodybuilder. Also a boxer. Amara is that girl and she knows it. Always asking Moze to work out with her and she is completely oblivious to Moze being head over heels. Will fight someone being mean to a customer service worker. Lives with Zane, Moze, and FL4K.

ZANE

Pop pop went back to college! No but in this AU Zane is probably older than everyone but not that much older. His major was tough for me, but I honestly think he'd be a good candidate for a major in rehabilitation science with Axton. Also LOVES parties.

WAINWRIGHT JAKOBS

His Father wanted him to go into Business to take over the family legacy but he decided to go into law to "protect the little guy". Has daily arguments with this stuck-up, pretentious "harpy" that's in most of his classes. She's awful. Has a crush on this well-spoken man in zoological studies. At least that will take his mind off of the harpy.

TROY CALYPSO

Troy is a media and communications major. Has a fantastic time making videos and being admin of many social media pages but doesn't do very well in class because he dislikes most of his professors. Has a very close relationship with his sister, Tyreen.

TYREEN CALYPSO

Double major in Art History and Theater. Loves to be the center of attention and often stars in her brother's videos and projects. She loves it. A little full of herself. Close with her brother, Troy.

TYPHON DELEON

OKAY WAIT WAIT DON'T CLOSE THE POST HEAR ME OUT.

Cringe boomer history professor that can be easily distracted by him telling his stories of his many adventures (no one knows if they're true or not). Troy and Tyreen's Father. NOT a piss poor Dad in this AU, just embarrassing as all hell. Pretty decent guy but he's okay as a professor. (Please guys let me have my "Typhon is a good cringe embarrassing boomer dad to the Calypsos" AU)

OKAY this was a really long post and I probably forgot someone but I'm sure I'll hear about it LMAO. Also I don't know every single college major and its appropriate title, I just went off of vibes. Pls be nice 2 me

[sanaxo-o]

Here I present you all my mutuals/moots whom I adore a lot no matter what 🥺

Lacey 💗 @haet-sal : Masterlist

How do I start? She was truly the first mutual I made here and also the one who I got really close with. I adore her a lot no matter what and she is just the sweetest. She is also like one of the strongest people I have known and seen. She is always just so genuine with me. My bubba 💗. I miss you all the damn time 😽.

Nara 🐒 @o-onikix : Masterlist

She is sweet yes but a kid sometimes 🧍‍♀️. But most of the time she is like a mother istg. She can go feral anytime (it’s me most of the time but let’s not talk about that) still I adore and love her a lot. But give her stories a look y’all! They won’t disappoint you at all!

Ally 🌥️ @winterchimez : Masterlist

What can I say about her? Okay to start of she is like one of the sweetest person. I love how she is always so easy to approach no matter what. Even tho I trouble her a little (lot) by sending Sangyeon stuff (it is purely out of love) I still adore and admire her a lot.

Dora 🌻 @littleroaes : Masterlist

What can I say? She is just so adorable 😭. Tbh I am glad I approached you in your DMs that day 🤧 if not I would not have known just how great you’re. I mean I have always looked up to your stories and now I look up to her as a person too because of how genuine, kind and sweet she is.

Clo 🌸 @cloverdaisies : Masterlist

I have known clo as a writer since forever. I am still in love with her chanhee fic (1984, available on her Wattpad account) and when I got to know she is moots with ally I totally started fangirling over clo (I still do) and I will never stop talking about how sweet and funny she is.

Moni 🦋 @zzoguri : Masterlist

Okay first off all, she is like the sweetest person ever?? She tops of EVERYONE when it comes to that. Second of all her stories are to die for because of how great they’re. I am still not over her Changmin fic 👯‍♂️. Giving her compliments is not enough 🤧.

Marty 🐸 @stealanity : Masterlist

My mom, my world, my everything 💗. She is truly just so caring and precious and if that’s not everything her stories make me fall in love with her more. (Only I can call her Marty btw) and even tho she calls me a menace (I am not) I still love her a lot because I can never not love her. She just..take my heart 🥹🤏.

Beam 🐣 @sungbeam : Masterlist

Okay I will reveal something very embarrassing, I was truly VERY intimidated by beam first. Idk why but when I interacted with her more I just saw how sweet and funny she is 🫠. And when you feel like you know her truly she will just do something more unhinged 🧍‍♀️💃.

Fawn 🌺 @juyeonszn : Masterlist

If you follow her blog you must have always seen me dying over her stories (I am still seated for What is love btw) because to be honest they are just so great. Words cannot describe that. She is truly also very sweet 🤧.

Dal 🥀 @hongyangi : Masterlist

I will fangirl about her stories first, okay (deep breaths) HOW DO I START OFF?? THEY ALL ARE JUST MWAH. I will always look forward to her stories no matter what because of how great they are. If you see me kicking my feet and screaming just think that it’s because of Dal hehe and then, she is also such a great friend. She is just so sweet, crazy, kind you name it.

Cheegu 😽 @cheegu3 : Masterlist

I recently discovered her because of her Sunwoo fic and I am telling you, I fell in love with her writing so much not to say she is also so sweet, kind and understanding. Whenever she posts something I take a deep breath in because I know that I would be devouring whatever it was and she is also a yandere writer like me so 💃.

Bar 🦄 @sohnric : Masterlist

Lemme tell you, I love you a lot and I am not lying about it at all. But I will be honest, her works are to like DIE for. Especially since I have been getting in my Eric era (let’s not tell Chanhee) I have been reading everything about him alot lately. And as a person to bar is really sweet and her vibes are just very sweet hehe.

Shay 🌾 @enhazen : Masterlist

I have known shay for a very long time. We were in the same group chat and I will tell you, I have seen her growth in writing and it’s just been so great to be moots with someone like her. Shay is also like THE sweetest person out there.

Maya 🪷 @kimsohn : Masterlist

Maya is like the definition of “A friend in need is a friend indeed” 🤓. I actually read her Sunwoo Drabble recently and it was just so cute 🫠😭. I was melting lol. And they are also very sweet from what I know. I would love to get close with her 💞.

Daisy 🌼 @daisyvisions : Masterlist

I like knew Daisy even before she joined the network and she is like so sweet hehe. Her works are to die for (obviously) because the way her works would always make me want a partner 🥹🫠.

Mona ✨ @quaissants : Masterlist

Mona is like..so sweet 🤧. She is someone whom I would adore and admire a lot even from afar. And me and Mona are always there to bully (love) ally hehe. Even her works are adorable 🫠😭.

Moon 🌑 @beautifulchris : Masterlist

Moon’s story are to die for. I remember coming across her Beomgyu blurb once and I just fell in love with her writing 🫠. Even tho we’re not that close yet I would love to get to know her more!

Liz 🍙 @minho-hoho : Masterlist

I remember Liz being the first moot I made here. Even tho her account is closed now you guys can always take a look at her blog! She was truly one of the best writers out there and she was also very sweet 💞.

Izzy ☀️ @from-izzy : Masterlist

My pookie 😚, the sweetest actually hehe. The way I can always like totally rely on her just makes me melt 🤧. Not only that even her stories are so sweet. The way she manages to capture the attention and emotions of the readers 💗. Even tho atm I have only read her Sunwoo timestamp I just melted on the spot because of how comforting it was. Plz do show some support to my pookie <3

Gill 🐧 @astrae4 : Masterlist

My child ☹️, my Chanhee girlie for life <3. To start off she’s the cutest and I can always simp (die) over Chanhee with her no matter what 😈. We both always trouble (me mostly) izz but hey! I am the favourite parent for a reason :) aside from that I am literally always there to protect my precious baby 🥺. Support her works to because they all are to die for 😩.

K 👻 @deobienthusiast : Masterlist

My valentine (or are you 😐?) idk who’s side she is mostly on…sometimes she is up for my antics or sometimes she puts fuel on fire…(no guys, sometimes we’re both a menace. Just take a look at the Changmin train we had..) aside from that she’s the sweetest 🥺 and her fics (especially the Eric one 😭. Ihy for making it so angsty) are to die for :)

Lennon 🍋 @strayed-quokka : Masterlist

DONT GET MAD AT ME LENLEN 🥺🥺. I love you so much :( on a serious note Lennon and I got so close so quickly it’s CRAZY. Her energy and way of getting close to others is cute 🥺. I love her so much and the thing is I have once read her fic and was a huge fan of her since then :) and now that we’re such great moots I couldn’t ask for more hehe. And plz let me still be your beta lenlen 🥺

[shinebrightlikeanarwhal]

Thats it, I'm now taking the role as creative little menace.

This is prob the last thing about child Travis, accept its happier this time

Lisa absolutely adored the little Travis, constantly asking if she could adopt him it not, she threatens him like a son!

But he would never really be her kid, because legally, Kenneth was still his legal guardian. So thats who they went to, Kenneth, for the last time they hopped.

Sal was sceptical, Kenneth was calm upon seeing them, a bit shocked seeing his now alive son, but calm. They had the adoption papers, there half already signed. Sal knew he would never agree

but he did

Kenneth never thought of Travis like a son, just an experiment of the cult. but seeing the small boy, curled up hiding behind the 4 at his door, he had changed his mind about it. He signed them, and told them to get the fvck off his property.

and that was it

I like how you have basically thanos snapped me.

Kenneth never wanted Travis. He only had him to serve his gods. Now that Travis' purpose was served he was free to do as he pleases.

Even if that gets him arresed and imprisoned for a horrific crime that resulted in injury. Travis can pinpoint his place of death so if the body is found Kenneth may never see the light of day again.

Sal would be the happiest with this baby travis. Carries him around, lets him play in his hair.

Im torn between Travis not remembering them but getting this phantom of feeling. A trust and love he doesnt remember having for anyone before following papa out of the church one day.

Imagine this lil guy with memory of a world before the recent tech updates. His preschool friend that kinda looks like this tall, lanky, smelly man. He didnt remember Larry having brothers. Not this old either! His mom was so young, papa always made rude remarks about it at home.

I feel like little Travis would have a happy life with them, but because he died and somehow resurected, death might be lurking.

[asheanon]

"Nat & Sal: 12, 48, and 56~"

— Some more OC Q&A from another side of the internet... Where I didn't feel like fighting with text limitations!

From: WEIRDLY SPECIFIC BUT HELPFUL CHARACTER BUILDING QUESTIONS

12. What’s something that makes them laugh every single time? Be specific!

— For Sal

Chaku being a silly little guy. Anything that falls under the usual "cats being silly little guys" category, really.

— For Nat

Watching Leo try to be The Good Guy™ at any juncture, particularly in social situations. He's such a freaking criminal with a relatively short fuse; Nat often has to avoid eye contact or looking at him all together in those situations because she'll just start laughing like the little gremlin child she is.

(They're like... friends in the middle of class, taking a test - heaven forbid something the least bit peculiar transpires and they make eye contact in response. The teacher will have them seated on opposite sides of the classroom...)

48. Who would they say ‘yes’ to if invited to do something they abhorred / strongly didn’t want to do?

— For Sal

Tsuniah. Or at least, he has the highest success rate with inviting her to anything out of her comfort zone... haha! 🤔 I haven't spoken much of Tsuniah these last few years and I'm sure Nat comes off as being a bestie of Sal's nowadays (she does become one with time, to be fair!) BUT... Tsuniah (or Tsun) truly is Sal's #1 bff.

He's not a menace like Nat, but he's an extrovert. So you have the usual extroverted friend who occasionally invites the introverted friend to outings dilemma. Tsun knows that Sal's the type to overthink and get lost in her head with too much introverted time, though, so it's all in good faith, really. 💙

Overall, he's a pretty darn cool guy. If you want to see him/hear more about him, I can talk about him anytime! (One of the secrets to pulling words and information out of me is asking questions. That's why I love these questions. They help me face my demons! Hahaha!)

— For Nat

Leo, Daen, Sven and Sal. The last three usually serve as the voice of reason/responsible friends that may compel her to attend more serious or formal events. Leo is just as wild and crazy as she is, but tries his best. Both she and Leo are basically two idiots just trying their darnedest to look out for one another, despite themselves... hahaha!

I don't have much info readily available on Leo, Daen or Sven, but once again, I can share more on them, be it here or Twitter if you wish to see them/hear more about them at some point as well!

56. If they’re scared, who do they want comfort from? Does this answer change depending on the type of fear?

— For Sal

This may sound a little bizarre, but I believe she doesn't always know. Depending on the fear, she may even prefer to isolate. I.e. there are times where she fears herself, fearing what her Ethereal side could do. Especially the radioactive aspects of it. That is a 100% isolates herself chance and WILL actually get stern if others try to approach her (stern purely out of fear, given that their lives may honestly be on the line!)

Otherwise, she either craves comfort from someone who is no longer there, someone very close (like Tsuniah or Chaku) or simply dwells in this emptiness of wanting comfort, but not knowing where or what from. 🤔

— For Nat

Though she would much prefer comfort from her favorites, Nat would actually be open to anyone comforting her. She craves comfort like crazy, especially when she's scared, but is absolutely terrible with expressing it!

She's the comedic type; a memer. She may fool some by laughing off her fears or playing them down, but the more scrutinizing or empathetic types can see through it. She may continue to be comedic even when they attempt to comfort her. Anything to avoid the breakdown, which she can't always avoid.

[xfriki26]

More info about Sal (my new oc)

• Their full name is Salomon "Sal" Cawthon

• Nonbinary, they/them menace

• CEO of the Happy fella company and designer of most of their toys.

• Cult member, helps the cult have control over the market industry.

• They grew up in an orphanage, they have abandonment trauma.

• They began dealing with dark arts when they were young, they created their first cursed doll with the intention of doing something so that they would not be left alone again.

• The cult recruited them for that same skill.

• They created his company so that no one else would have to be alone.

• They arent very sane.

• Their office is full of anti-stress toys, they always carry one with them to keep their hands busy at all times.

• To create Happy fella and Sad guy they were inspired by two kids from the orphanage who were the closest thing they had to a family.

• When Gregor arrived in town and before the cult kidnapped him, Sal went to confession a few times, it was nice to let off some steam.

• Their favorite movies would be: The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Coraline, A Clockwork Orange and The Human Centipede.

• They don't get along very well with the rest of the cult, they think they are too violent. They get along well with the Candy Dealer.

• They love children! They would make anyone who made a child cry suffer.

• Garcia nicknamed them salmon. They hate that nickname.

[geth-outta-here]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers :)

Hello!!! I don't know when you sent this because I don't check my notifications every day and there aren't timestamps on asks, so I may be two days late or two weeks late. Either way it's always lovely to see your name in my notifications!!!

Things that make me happy:

1. I'm doing a deep clean of my room (not the happy part) and I found a long-lost picture of Femshep and Liara (Mass Effect) signed by both Jennifer Hale AND Ali Hillis???? I don't even remember when I got it!! I vaguely recall some online charity type thing where voice actors were signing posters a few years ago? I dunno! I just found a precious artifact stuck behind my desk!

2. I went strawberry picking yesterday. Very tiny and very yummy!

3. My rosemary plant from last year grew back again this spring and rosemary flowers are so cute and tiny and purple!

4. You know what else brings joy? Tiny blue moth in a forest (from a walk a couple weeks ago):

5. Both of my pets (my cat Salamander and my bunny Arthur) passed away recently, so I'll share the last pics I have of them. I need to get to the point where remembering them makes me happy, even if they're not here to do it themselves.

Here is Arthur, a certified old man (11.5 years old). Most of my pictures of him are with his nose pointed at the camera because he would get confused why I wasn't petting him.

And here is Salamander, long for Sal. He was a middle-aged menace at 12 years old. An absolute snuggle monster.

Thank you for the ask @mousedetective !

[pininiu]

OMG the tags of your ztun post! I didn't see you saying you would like to infodump!! infodump away!

This will have to be in multiple parts if I run out of space, maybe.

ztun started out with them being a concept for a possible love interest that I also use as an MC proxy.

Started out with a gag username inspired by a nickname and took a piece from sal logic to find a reverse.

(more lore and just my ship doodles, you have been warned)

They actually have a dedicated and planned route in my head. Their gag is you have to choose the options that look bad. The entire route works on the schtick that the player and them start from bickering. Since they start the call with you on the premise that they argue with you.

The calls themselves aren't hostile, just a lot of banter. Like the type to be rude to someone the closer they are. Because there's a mutual understanding that you don't actually mean any of the insults and none of it digs into anyone's insecurities.

Yes there will be so much tension in the convo.

Made sure some details with ztun worked just as well if they had to be translated into the MC role to keep the plot beats similar yet distinctly them.

ztun's definitely the type to only be active when there's another person around since they grew up in a pretty big family. Likes to enjoy being in a power saving mode when alone. Can end up sleeping for an entire day.

Has an older sister and younger brother so they have an unexpectedly caring and attentive side from trying to support both in different ways.

A total homebody but always happy to go somewhere. Bonus if there's new and exciting stuff. They like experiencing new things with the people they like. Makes for great memories.

Brutally honest if they're not joking about anything. This can lead to them being very sincere. And even though they tend to complain but never actually mean anything by it.

Anyway wanted to doodle them with the boys and figured they'd gel with xyx more. They're similar in some ways so I can see them working well. (They're both bad with feelings and words, so they kind of understand how hard it is for the other to explain things)

Also depressed person knows a fellow depressed person

Generally, their relationship has this dynamic where they meet each other's energy for the event. Their humor/bickering tend to be childish because of it.

I made ztun teeny as a joke and then I saw the headcanon where xyx is a menace if his partner is smol, chaos ensues

Many things they do turn into a contest but ztun isn't actually competitive, they just find it fun. The win is a bonus tho.

The best way to sum their interactions in a simple dialogue is:

"I hate you"

"I love you too"

(Works both ways)

Both of them constantly end up playing a game of "who can flirt the longest until someone breaks"

But if both of them are at home? Especially after a tiring day? Very cozy and quiet. Sometimes even having an entire day without talking. But I think those are some of the best moments for them.

Either just watching a movie, reading books, or just lazing around with the cats.

[cornfields-td-nonsense]

🧠 all of them

An ask from the OC ask game I forgot to answer oops

What do you like most about them?

Starting in elimination order, then quickly veering off and going in a completely random order:

- William is a dramatic little bitch who dresses like a colourblind D&D bard. Need I say more.

- Sal's just big and dumb and doesn't know her own strength but cmon guys, she's doing her best!

- Nicolas is just funny to me, like, conceptually. Chris really went through the process of adopting a random orphan to have on his show and became an unwilling father. brilliant

- Reggie's just silly. She's the definition of a silly little guy. She operates on cartoonier physics than anyone else. She's a horrible influence on Nicolas. She's Roger Rabbit as a teenage lesbian. Also I just love clowns, I wanted to make a clown character for TDN almost as soon as I thought of it

- Carmen's just fun. She's pretty and smart and she gets along with everyone! And I especially love how human she is. Like. Totally human. I don't know what that one anon was talking about. There's nothing supernatural about her.

- Matt, on the other hand, is an absolute bitch. Sometimes it's just fun to have a horrendously unlikeable character to play around with.

- Greta's a wannabe supervillain that is trying and failing to be evil. She's like if Max wasn't annoying.

- Hans just does not give a crap. I respect that.

- Charlie's aroace and we need more aspec characters like. in general. Also I like it when characters in TD do something, get eliminated, and then the thing they did continues to be important and comes up later, like MK hacking the confessionals in TDI2023. Something similar happens with Charlie's research and notes on his findings about the island - something to do with Alisha and Esther.

- Harper. One, I like the idea of an intern being unwillingly dragged onto the show. Two, I love stories about unrequited romantic feelings that have actual happy endings and show that "staying friends" is a totally feasible option that can actually be the best case scenario. Harper and Charlie manage to snag their friendship out of the fiery wreckage of their not-romance, and they're both better off for it.

- Esther was the first TDN character, and you always remember your roots. Shes basically the reason this thing exists, lol. I also put a lot more of myself into her than I was expecting to, but I do that with a lot of my characters

- Skelly is a punk character that isn't Duncan. That makes them awesome in my book.

- Alisha is a theatre kid. We love a theatre kid. I do have a lot to say about her but I'm saving that for another ask currently sitting in my inbox

- Ming is a menace. In the best way possible. Once Lloyd pulls the betrayal card on Rod, Ming fully declares war on his ass - she is VERY protective of her friends.

- Art is the kind of unlikeable character I really enjoy - he's believable. He's multi-dimensional. There's reasons he is the way he is, and he's capable of change.

- Isla is a bigender artsy kid with ADHD. You know. Like me.

- Eve has a snake. Like. Come on. (Also yours truly forgot to mention she's mute and uses ASL in her character bio. oops. I'll go back and edit that in later lol)

- Lloyd is, like I've said before, utterly overflowing with issues. I want to examine his brain under a microscope.

- Rod's not stupid. I know it's a bit of a weird thing to specify, but oftentimes the optimistic ray of sunshine who's best friends (or more...?) with a jaded grumpier one is portrayed as dumb. Rod isn't some kind of genius, but he's no idiot, either. I think that's important to say.

- Lara is an autistic girl who overthinks every social interaction she has, struggles with sensory issues she doesn't know how to deal with or even explain, and gets pushed around by certain individuals (coughartcough) who perceive her struggles as her being lazy or untalented. And by building a support system and finding someone she can truly connect with in Esther, she comes out of her shell, stands up for herself, develops and fleshes out her skills and manages to win. In short, Lara is the character I needed when I was younger.

[liliansun]

Mad respect to sal for being logical and grounded but also managing to actually be a sassy lil menace. Im in dire need of seeing sal just call everyone out (affectionately)

And excuse me?? Jaemin and mal are coming together piece by piece. My question is whether mal ever answered jaemin's question and if he ever bothered asking her again, because if not then he's gonna find his answer out the hard way.

Neowa and Joy and Y/n being babes as always and ganging up on renjun is a love language atp

no bc she’s gonna give y’all whiplash soon,, just wait. 😭😭🫶and believe me she does IN THR GC. she’s the first to point out that none of us can spell properly and it’s so funny and humbling bc we get to do the same and it’s just the vibe we love her for it

hehehe for now 😛 SORRY SHDBSHSans you will get your answers all too soon 😁 (come back when the next few chapters drop bc i’m spreading this out like butter on toast)

and as they should be! it’s the fact that he takes it with a grain of salt and just goes about his day as if his whole friend group didn’t just ROAST HIM LIKE A BBQ COOKOUT. we stan a emotionally stable short king 😭🫶

[elysianslove]

hello sal i kinda have big thighs and i'm a lil insecure abt them;; but who do u think are thigh men from the hq boys?

yk what they say, thick thighs save lives <3

THIGH LOVERS !!

suna suna suna !!!! loves the position where he sits between your legs and just has your thighs as very own, personal pair of ear muffs. and they double as pillows too !!! it’s so comfortable to him, and every once in a while he’ll just shift and tilt his head to give your thighs a big smooch.

hinata !! he can spend hours just kissing and sucking on your thighs. and he also loves the feel of them in his hands, like just squeezing every once in a while as he’s laying with you. he also like. shoves his hand between them just because of how warm they are.

kenma too !!! another one that uses them as ear muffs. and he also does that same position but with his head on your tummy and your legs wrapped around his waist. he feels so. secure ??? he just loves them so much omg !!!

atsumu !!! oh my god his favorite thing ever is when you wear a dress or shorts or something that shows off your thighs and you sit down and they go squish!!! definitely the type to lay down with his in your lap for hours, but he also just stuffs his face against them. ALSO WHEN THEY JIGGLE HE DIES.

bokuto !!! i mean he has massive thighs so if he’s gonna love his how would he not love yours?? he loves the way they feel in his hands like just squeezing the flesh is so satisfying to him. like when he picks you up!!! so cute. and especially when you sit on his lap and he can feel how soft they are ugh.

ASS LOVERS !!!!

iwaizumi omg. he’s obsessed with your ass. like just. properly obsessed. he’s always buying you shit that accentuates it. and his hand is always on it; when you’re standing next to him, when you come up to him as he’s sitting down, when you’re cuddled up to him, when you’re making out !!!! just so in love with your ass he’s so mesmerized all the time.

matsukawa !!! makes any and every excuse to slap your ass just to watch it jiggle. like when you’re laying down on your stomach he just straddles your thighs and plays the drums ??? on your ass ??? just tapping and slapping. sometimes he does it so hard it fucking hurts. and he always laughs at you what a menace.

osamu <333 he uses your ass as a pillow all the time. it’s his favorite thing in the entire world, just resting his cheek against your ass, his hand resting gently by his head too. sometimes he turns his head and presses a kiss, slaps it, then goes back to sleeping. sometimes he bites it too but like lovingly. just chomps down on the flesh like damn ,,, (also when u wear mini skirts and he can see your ass because they’re that short, osamu’s heart fucking plummets)

hirugami ,,, listen. listen. he just. he likes the way your ass looks. can you blame him, really??? when you wear those tight, skinny jeans or booty shorts? his cheeks heat up so easily and so quick. and he just loves the way his hand looks cupping it, just gently nothing too harsh or sexual yk!!

bokuto is 100% an ass man too. he just thinks they’re so amazing it has to be illegal. when he slaps your ass and it jiggles??? he’s dead. when he squeezes and it feels so good in his fist??? also dead. when you sit on his lap and he can just feel the soft curve fit so perfectly against him?? flatlining.

kuroo ass man yes. another to deadass just play a whole tune out by tapping against your ass. like he’ll have pens as drumsticks and taps them against your ass, playing out a song or something. and he loves loves loves watching you put on jeans or shorts and you have to jump to get into them. he’ll laugh at you but trust, he’s already getting hard.

suna is also definitely an ass man as well. he can appreciate a good pair when he sees them. the type to make it hurt awfully when he smacks you. like enough that you won’t be able to sit comfortably for the next few minutes. he does it shamelessly too, with anyone around. he absolutely does not care. here’s a whole headcanon on this :)

[venusararara]

If cellphones existed on Tantibus

CW nsfw content

Gatherine, Bresklyn: takes and sends nudes every hour, calls mom a lot, makes porn for their partner

Gatherine: Bender calandar, gathering information about creatures they'll harvest for work

Carter, Dawsin, Sal: disgusting amount of porn downloaded

Carter: calls others and loudly jerks off when they answer, cums all over his phone, has a lot of bestgore videos downloaded, viruses, stalks Gatherine, terminally online

Dawsin: uses it to go down rabbitholes about weird shit and conspiracy theories, afraid to call so he always texts, iceberg videos

Benny: uses it to call Gatherine, writes poetry in the notes app, runs a cottagecore/cute animal blog

Carter, Benny, Sal: uses internet to buy demon cock dildos

Stacy: has a flip phone, calls Bresklyn a lot, knows nothing about the internet and actively avoids it

Stacy, Carter, Benny, Sal, Adrian: Gatherine bootycall

☆☆☆

This is why they can only have pagers and communication orbs, Tantibusians are menaces

[decennia]

In honor of me starting peaky blinders tell me everything about your ocs (especially the new addition 👀)

ABOUT: SALVATORE CHANGRETTA

He's known as Sal to his friends, Vato to his family, and Cacciatore on the streets. It's Italian for "hunter."

He speaks with an American-Italian accent; much less exaggerated than his older brother's.

A bad man, bound by strict code and decent enough values for him to call himself a gentleman and be able to make you believe it. His Ma raised him right.

Is the kind to kiss the back of a girl's hand at every reacquaintance.

He is the youngest of the Changretta sons, but no less vicious.

As per his mother's only condition for Sal entering the family business, he was made to keep to the cleaner side of the business. He primarily deals in information; anything worth knowing, he knows it.

His father, Vicente, recognised a violent delight in him at a very young age, when Luca had attempted to bring Sal into the family business and groom him for second-in-command.

To keep that side of him at bay, Audrey and Vicente never allowed Sal to indulge in the bloodshed.

All except one time: the vendetta. Revenge for killing Angel Changretta.

Sal had been with Luca during the initial venture to Birmingham. He was never much of a team player anyways, so he travelled alone, separate from the pack of trusted men Luca surrounded himself with.

He was the one to return Luca's body to the family.

Saved only by Polly's intervention, Tommy was forbidden from killing Sal. It ends with Luca and John, she'd said.

Tommy was furious, but he listened. Cut all heads off the snakes, they can no longer bite you. Whoever else's life he claims, their blood is on you, Pol.

This is also reciprocated by Audrey Changretta, whose word is the most absolute law to Salvatore. She repays Polly in kind by forbidding Salvatore to kill Tommy the second time he returns to Birmingham.

It is there he meets Gina Gray, and promptly becomes smitten with her. It is only by the debt he owes to Polly that stays his hand; a debt and a gratitude that encompasses Michael, too.

He remains in Birmingham. It grew on him. Like a fungus.

Tommy eventually recruits Sal as an honorary Blinder when he needs the manpower.

Michael, is, of course, livid. Sal has been moving in on his wife, has now gotten into Tommy's good graces. Something which Michael has repeatedly tried and failed at.

He is vaguely based off of Lana Del Rey's song of the same name, particularly the lyric: dying by the hand, of a foreign man, happily.

More included under the cut.

ABOUT: JOSEPHINE FENTON

She was the daughter of the original owner of The Garrison, Harry Fenton.

There had always been tension between her and Tommy, especially after Tommy all but threatened Harry into handing ownership of the pub to the Peaky Blinders.

She was their waitress, but whatever she served Tommy, he didn't drink. He was sure she'd try to poison him. He knew, without a doubt, she'd never actually do it, but it always paid to be a little cautious, especially with a creature as unpredictable as she.

Tommy was a calculated man, and she was simply beyond his grasp of understanding.

It was no secret she hated him. In spite of that, he liked her fire. Found it amusing. He granted her his protection, much to her chagrin upon her discovery of it. Entirely off limits to all the menaces of Birmingham.

She vanished following her 18th birthday, and the whole of Birmingham was in a stir, thinking Tommy had something to do with it.

There were many drags of The Cut searching for her body. But after a few years, they stopped.

And then a few years more, after he'd buried Grace and took Lizzie in matrimony, after Charles and Ruby were approaching the age where a proper education was no longer a thought for the future, she returned.

She'd been in France, studying. Far away from Birmingham's slimy grip. She'd made her own name for herself. Came back to care for an ailing father, who had been struck with illness and left without a penny to his name after his only source of income, The Garrison, had been stolen from him.

She needed the money, and Tommy needed his guilt assuaged. He knew Harry was too proud a man to kneel to Tommy willingly. But Josie was a desperate enough woman to do it.

He didn't fully trust her at first. But after his children were put under threat and she, granted an opportunity for survival, refused in order to stand between them and the bullet, he trusted her with his entire being.

She saw a side to him reserved only for those of blood.

A softer side, a loving father.

And she softened for him, too.

ABOUT: DAIYU CHANG

Sister to Brilliant Chang, she's the brains behind the drug operation.

She's ruthless. Got that Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss on lock.

I haven't thought much about her story in a while, but I've toyed with the idea of her maybe being Tommy's biggest threat when it comes to Josie.

"When you put Miss Fenton on her back tonight, be careful of the target on it."

She's perhaps my most underdeveloped, which is in itself, a fucking crime, because Dianne Doan deserves better.

She'd likely be able to dismantle the entire Blinder organisation within a fortnight if she put her mind to it.

[shinebrightlikeanarwhal]

How would Larry and sal react to Travis getting hit on at a bar

Well we’ll we’ll there’s TWO ways this can go.

Are they sober or drunk?

Drunk Larry is absolutely terrifying. He’s loud and boisterous but then if someone talks to his spicy lil princess (I, a clown, thoroughly enjoy going through different pet names) he’s pissed. Looming over them from behind the smug lil shit stirring the free drink this poor fool brought over. If their lucky and Travis thought they were adorable, he’ll talk Larry down and snuggle his drunk ass until he looks less murderous and returns to his earlier drunk splendor. If not??? Larry gestures to the door and beats their ass for even thinking of approaching Travis. While Travis enjoys his free drunk.

Sober Larry? Just walks over and snatched Travis out his seat. “Don’t look at my baby mama” and carried him back to the others. Travis is embarrassed and just accepts the now possessive hold Larry has on him for the night.

Sal is an absolute menace sober and drunk. But sober Sal plays mind games. He just walks over and wraps his arms around Travis and stares. Nuzzling his head into Travis’ face. Bright blue eyes boring into the soul of whoever dared chat up his darling.

Drunk Sal just immediately shatters a glass with brute strength. Silencing the bar and causing Travis to fuss over him. A satisfied grin hidden under that blank faced mask. Now, if that guy winds up stabbed violently a couple days later? Eh, life’s wild.

Travis doesn’t like when guys hit on him though. Like yeah, kind of a confidence boost.. but the aftermath of Larry or Sal seeing it is not always fun. Sometimes it can be but most times he’s drained and exhausted. The amount of consoling on Larry’s end or anger management to keep Sal from going back to jail. He really tries not to stand out. But the Trussy is just too powerful it seems-

[gumnut-logic]

How could I forget this AU? I had a whole storyline worked out. Now if I could only remember it all...

-o-o-o-

Sal was old and weary. Tired of the waiting, the dread, the not knowing if her loved ones would be returning and the doubt echoing throughout the halls of her home. Each year her body ached more with age. Each year she missed those she had lost more.

She knew her time was fading, but she could not leave. She was needed.

Her bodice was tight as she stood waiting on the dais. As always she took her place to the left of the great empty chair that stood looming in the middle. Above it, in all its majestic awe hung the gilt Thunderbird crest, its great wings flourished and defiant. Fire shone in its jewelled eyes and the crystal sword of justice clutched in its talons sparkled with the cause.

The cause that was so broken.

The bells at the gates rung furiously, followed not long after by the deep resonance of the central bell tower.

She held her breath.

At least one of her grandsons had made it home.

Her spirit was anxious to flee the room and find her grandchildren to reassure herself that they had all come home, that her family had not lost more to this holocaust, but there was more than her to consider here. There was the people, the desperate souls looking to their ruling class to save them from the menace.

So she held her position.

And waited.

It was not long, but forever, before the great doors at the end of the hall opened with a clatter and her littlest, Alan, just sixteen, burst through. He wore his state baldric, his accent as ruby as the great firebird the stars had foretold at his birth, his expression one of fury.

He had been forbidden to set out with his brothers, despite his aptitudes, and he had been angry the entire month they had been gone. Kay had attempted to reassure him, but he refused to listen. Worry for his brothers and frustration at not being accepted as a full Lance had him storming the halls late at night.

None of her words had been enough.

She prayed her grandsons had all come home whole.

“They have returned, Grand Mother.” His voice rung clear throughout the Great Hall as he strode hurriedly towards her, and the gathered nobility murmured words of relief and expectation. His stride was still growing, and she found herself so grateful for his youthful presence. He stopped at the ceremonial line and executed a perfect bow to the empty chair, before turning to her.

His startling blue eyes flashed hope and he bowed in deference to her before crossing the line and taking his place on her left.

The chancellor stood off to her left and his single clap echoed throughout the Hall. She straightened instinctively as the drums started up their entrance beat and her old heart kicked up and echoed them, their thrum powerful yet ominous.

The trumpets heralded the entrance of her eldest grandson.

For a moment, all was well and her heart lifted. Four young men entered the room, their baldrics lauding their identities, followed by the chaperone force of twenty lances. But the trumpets faltered as realisation set in.

The room fell silent as Scott limped his way down the aisle, his silver baldric stained with something dark. Sal drew in a breath, but behind him Virgil was staggering. His weight seemed almost all on young Gordon. The Warder’s robes were singed, torn and bloody, his head bowed and his green baldric barely hanging onto his body.

Gordon was wearing his armour, his yellow baldric dulled with dirt, his cape torn. It was obvious he had channeled recently, his eyes still shining red-gold. There was a story there between the two of them, between the fire and the water.

The only one standing entirely upright was her middle grandson. He brought up the rear, his tall, lithe form fluid as he walked. As always, his red hair was startling against his golden baldric. His eyes tracked around the room, his expression cool and controlled, but as his grandmother, she could see the tells of worry and exhaustion.

The great silver form of Eos sat on his arm preening her feathers. Every so often, the hawk would pause and survey the room, just like her bearer, her startling red eyes catching everything. Sal would never understand that relationship, but it had saved her family more than once and she was grateful, if still wary.

Their procession up the aisle was slow and the room silent in horror. Scott defied tradition several times to turn and check his brothers’ progress. An incomprehensible sound issued from Virgil and he stumbled, but Gordon caught him and they continued their silent journey to the dais.

The moment Scott reached the line, he bowed to the Great Chair, and in echo of his littlest brother moments before, he bowed to his Grand Mother and then dipped his head to Alan.

Sal’s voice was dry as the wind from the north when she spoke. “Speak.”

“Grand Mother.” Scott’s voice was commanding as always, blue eyes flickering. “The mission was a failure.”

The room erupted into loud murmuring.

“Silence.” She still had enough strength in her old body to command that at least. She turned to Scott once more. “Tell me.”

He opened his mouth, but was interrupted by a groan behind him as Virgil collapsed against Gordon and the young lance was hard put to hold his older brother up.

Eos took flight, her great wings spreading with an angry squawk as she leapt into the air. John stepped in to catch the teetering Warder. Between them, Gordon and his older brother kept Virgil upright and prevented him from meeting the polished stone floor.

“Please, Grand Mother, Warder Virgil saved our party at his own expense. He held the wards to enable us to escape, but was unable to escape uninjured himself. If it wasn’t for Lance Gordon, we would have lost him.

Sal’s heart crawled into her throat.

“Please, he needs attention.”

Eos circled in a tight ring above them, her stark calls taunting. The crowd grew nervous, eyes darting up and shoulders hunching.

The situation was a poor one. Tradition dictated a full report before the nobility, but it was obvious her grandson could not comply. Virgil appeared to have lost consciousness.

“You are excused.”

The room erupted in an uproar.

“SILENCE!”

And there was, shocked and scared. She glared at her subjects, daring any of them to contradict her order. Since the loss of her son, rule had fallen to her. Scott refused to believe his father was dead. Taken from them in a ball of fire it appeared obvious that he no longer lived, but Scott refused to step up and take his place as king. So Sal stood regent.

Their rule grew more fragile by the year and she feared if Scott did not face reality soon, all would be lost.

The shock in the room was shattered by footsteps on the stone floor as a figure pushed her way through the chaperone force behind her grandsons. Kay emerged, dressed in her leathers and worry on her face. As always she ignored tradition and hurried up to the boys, her hands immediately reaching out to the Warder hanging limp between her brothers.

The crowd did not appreciate the lack of decorum.

But to be honest, Sal didn’t care. “Take Warder Virgil to the healers. We will discuss the situation at a gathering tomorrow.”

Scott dipped his head. “Yes, Grand Mother.” And the boys, along with Kay, were hustling their injured sibling out of the Hall. The chaperone force split down the middle and then followed them out.

The crowd was not happy, but a defiant squawk from Eos far above silenced them once more. Sal’s lips thinned as the great bird dipped beneath the door’s lintel to follow her grandsons from the room.

“I do not know how you allow such conduct, Grand Mother.” The chancellor approached from her left, his long robes whispering over the floor.

“The man was injured, Belah.”

“Tradition must be observed. It keeps law and people in their place.”

She rounded on him, the ire of the day and her long standing discomfort of the bald and devious politician coming to the fore. “I rule here, Chancellor, not you.”

His eyes flickered at her, startlingly yellow in the dim light. “Yes, Grand Mother.”

-o-o-o-

TBC?

[caffeineforbucky]

As Time Goes By...(Chapter five)

A/N: I finished RE8, fucking finally!! Welp, my little brother helped with mother Miranda. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not ashamed of it!!! He's a fucking master at first-person shooter. Anyway, I hope you like this latest edition...addition? Idk, enjoy!

As always, creds to @lokilauffeyson for the text dividers.

@boofy1998 this one's for you!

Word count:3,596

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Fem! Reader

Warnings: Diner aesthetic...sorta? Helmut Zemo (not really a warning but he's in here!) Swearing, metal arm, and choking kink?... it's kind of implied.

(TFATWS Spoilers...if you haven't seen the show.)

Clatters of cheap silverware clinking against plastic, along with the soft tune of Sam Cooke's You Send Me playing through the jukebox displayed at the end of the '50s themed diner you happened across. Aromas of bacon, burnt toast, and synthetic syrup filled the air while you sipped the last of coffee inside your mug.

Your back rested against vinyl, tapping your foot to the beat of the next song that emitted from the juke. You didn't know Baltimore too well, but you hadn't consumed a full meal since Munich, and you just wanted a decent cup of coffee. You were going to give up until you got the nerve to ask some locals, and they directed you to Sal's Diner, the best cup of joe in town.

The bell jingled above Bucky as soon as he pushed through the door, Sam trailing behind. Baby blues observed the restaurant, darting through every booth and stool until they landed on you, shoving a triangle stack of pancakes into your mouth. "Found her," He uttered, glancing behind his shoulder to make sure Sam was following. Heavy boots strode over to you, a determined look plastered on his face as he slid into the booth opposite of you. You didn't even notice Sam until he cleared his throat, gaining your attention.

"Fellas," You acknowledge, flashing them a smile, flagging down the waitress for a refill. "So lovely of you to finally join me."

"Where the hell have you been?" Bucky hisses, lowering his tone as the waitress comes into view, a fresh pot of coffee in her grasp.

"Will that be all, honey?" Her voice like summer rain, topping off your empty mug. She fishes a few creamers and sugar packets from her apron, gently placing them beside your plate with half a stack of hotcakes.

"Yes, thank you, Dorrit," You smile up at her, turning the mug so the handle can face you. "You just keep that coffee coming. Locals were right," You mumble, your eyes drifting to Sam and Bucky in front of you. "Best cup of joe in town."

"Alrighty, and can I get anything for you guests?"

Dorrit flickers her eyes to guys, fully turning her body as she reaches for her notepad. She flips over a few pages and gets ready with the click of her sparkly pen.

"Coffee, please?" Sam asks, "And I'll take a slice of that cherry pie." He points to the glass dome, a variety of baked goods lined up for the customers to swipe. "Thank you..." Sam squints, leaning closer to make sure her name was correct. "Dorrit." He finishes, earning a smile and a nod from the waitress as she wrote down his order.

"Nothin' for me, thank you." Bucky dismisses, his eyes intense and focused, but they never left you.

"You'll have to excuse my friend, Dorrit," You pipe up, vision narrowed to a pinprick as they stood locked on the blue-eyed menace across from you. "It seems he left his manners back in the '40s." You finally rip your eyes away from Bucky, sending the waitress an apologetic smile.

"Don't worry about it, honey. He was a perfect gentleman, as opposed to some of the men I get in here." She chuckles, gently patting your shoulder. "I'll come back with that coffee and pie for ya," She promises, smiling sweetly at Sam, dropping her notepad into her apron. As soon as she left, both sets of eyes were back on you.

"So...?" Bucky presses, completely ignoring your call-out.

"I told you I was going to grab a coffee, I texted Sam." You informed, lifting your mug to take a sip, making room for creamer.

"All the way across town?!" Bucky whisper shouts, placing both glove-clad hands flat on the table to lean forward. "Do you know how many coffee shops we've been through just to find you?"

You shrug.

"A lot!" Bucky purses his lips, falling back on the vinyl booth as he blows out an aggravated sigh, hands coming off the table to fold his arms over his chest.

"Well, you found me. Congratulations!" You cheer, softly clapping your hands together. "Ten points for Bucky!"

"Y/N..." Sam sighs, his tone letting you know that he didn't want to hear it. It was bad enough that he had to take care of one kid, but he never signed up for two.

"Fine," You grumble, raising your hands in defeat. "I'll stop."

"Good, now we have to talk about possible leads-"

"Here we are!" Dorrit's arrival cuts Sam short, placing a steaming cup of joe and a slice of cherry pie in front of him. "Enjoy, honey!" She grins, tucking some napkins under his plate. "And let me know if you need anything else," She looks at you, a toothy grin at her mouth.

"Will do, thank you!" You reciprocate her smile, watching while she disappears into the back. "What leads?" You ask, looking to Sam, encouraging him to continue.

"That's what I'm saying, so, if anyone has an idea," Sam picks up the mug, bringing the rim closer to his nose, taking a whiff. "-Now would be a good time to talk." He finishes, blowing a few times at the liquid before trying it.

"So?" You ask, waiting for Sam's review, your attention fixated on the falcon to give you a rating. "What do you think?"

A few more sips, and a smack of his tongue, Sam smiles. "Pretty damn good!" He marvels, nodding in agreement. "It's nutty but also tastes like fruit? Almost like a berry-"

"Guys!" Bucky interrupts, "We have bigger things to worry about than what a cup of coffee tastes like." He wasn't about to sit and listen as if he were watching an infomercial or a radio ad. "We need to focus on the super serum."

You shoot him a bored look, almost glaring. "You always gotta take the fun out of things, don't ya, old man?"

"When Isaiah said, my people..."

"Oh, don't take that to heart," Sam dismisses, taking a chunk from his pie before popping into his mouth. "That's not what he meant," But it sounded more like gibberish.

"No," Bucky clarifies, shaking his head. "He meant Hydra. Hydra used to be my people."

Sam swallows, thinking long and hard on Bucky and what he was implying. It wasn't until that the winter soldier gave him a stern nod that it clicked. "Nuh-uh," Sam scoffs, shaking his head in disapproval. "Not a fucking chance."

"Walker doesn't have any leads," Bucky reminds him, making your brain try and connect the pieces. Of course, Bucky wasn't talking about...him.

"I know where you're going with this, and the answer is no," Sam argues, sharing a knowing look with you.

"He does know all of Hydra's secrets," You sigh, on the fence with Bucky's suggestion since the lightbulb in your brain went off. Bucky's head snaps to you, realizing that for the first time since Munich, you were on his side. "Don't you remember Siberia? I mean, despite him trying to kill me."

Sam pinches the bridge of his nose, a sign that he was becoming stressed. He didn't want to, but he knew that he was the only way you were ever going to take down the Flag Smashers. "So," Sam starts, eyes finding Bucky's. "You're just gonna sit in a room with this guy?"

"Mmm," Bucky hesitates, not one-hundred percent sure if he was in his right mind. "Yes?"

"Okay, then?" You drag, drifting your eyes to Sam for confirmation.

"We're going to see Zemo."

"What are you talkin' about?!" Sam exclaims as Bucky leads you through a dark hall, into an abandoned car garage. "You wanna break Zemo outta jail? Where are we, Buck? Have you lost your mind?"

"We have no leads, no moves, nothing," Bucky explains, sighing as he aimed his flashlight to find a light switch since it was hard to see.

"What we have..." You remind him, flashing your light at Bucky to get a view of his face. "Is one of the most dangerous men in the world behind bars. You're talking about doing something that makes you sound like you've finally lost it."

"And..." Bucky starts, dismissing your insult. "We also have eight super-soldiers that are loose."

"Zemo's gonna mess with our minds, Bucky," You retort, sharing a look with Sam before looking at Bucky again. "Especially yours, no offense."

"Offense." The lights flicker on. "Super soldiers go against everything he believes in," Bucky replies, shutting off his flashlight, placing it on the shelf. "He is crazy, but he still has a code."

"Yeah," Sam grunts, "And we've been on the wrong side of that code, Buck. And so have you. He blew up the UN, tried to kill us, killed king T'Chaka, and framed you for it. Did you forget about that? Do you think the Wakandans forgot about it? It's a rhetorical question..."

Sam snickers, looking to you to see if you were hearing the same conversation he was. "They didn't," he continues, his gaze hardening as it settled on the super-soldier. "I know why this matters to you, but it's pushing you off the deep end."

"Guys, we don't know how they're getting the serum. We don't even know how many of them are. "

Bucky had a valid point, then again so did Sam. As right as he was, you couldn't get behind breaking Zemo out of jail. But he was the only key to knowing where, and how the super serum came to be. "Yeah..." You add, "I have to agree with Sam on this one. You're talkin' crazy. Zemo was practically born under a bad sign."

"Look, let me walk you guys through a hypothetical. Can I walk you through a hypothetical?"

Your eyes narrow to a slit, not liking the tone that came out of Bucky's mouth. "Shit," You curse, head hanging low. "What did you do, Buck?"

"What? What do you mean?" You saw the panic settle in Sam's eyes, he could tell just from the way your tone dropped, that something was wrong. His eyes flicker to the winter soldier. "Why does she think you did something, what'd you do?"

"I didn't do anything..." Bucky deflects, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly. "The weakest point in any system isn't the software, the hardware, it's the meatware," He starts, eyes gleaming with excitement. "The human element...Now, in this lockup, it's nine to one, prisoners to guards. And if two prisoners start fighting, then the protocol says four guards have to respond."

"So..." Sam's frown etches deeper, and you only felt your stomach drop even more. Where the hell was he going with this? "Why would two prisoners start fighting randomly at that moment?"

"Who knows?" Bucky shakes his head, one corner of his mouth lifting into a weak smile, almost as if he were proud of himself. "There could be many reasons...But, the point is these things escalate. Lockdown procedures would have to be initiated, and with all those bodies flying left and right, wouldn't be hard to slip down a hallway or two."

You eye Bucky, growing suspicious of the fact that he was sounding way too calm, and the way he was talking about the situation. It almost sounded like this was happening in real-time. "I don't like where this is going..." You whisper, leaning towards Sam.

"And...if the fire alarm got tripped while the prisoners were being separated...someone could use the chaos to their advantage."

"I don't like how casual you're bein' about this, it's unnatural. Are you-and where the hell are we, man?" Sam demands, his voice is still soft as his face twisted into utter confusion, taking a good look around.

A loud bang from the entrance made your heart drop to your stomach. Everything Bucky was explaining was starting to make sense, a shadowy figure makes itself known behind the plastic drapes on the doorway. Your eyes widen, the figure revealing himself. You couldn't even hear the protests coming from Sam as he saw who came through.

No, it couldn't be. You hadn't even noticed your feet retrieving as if they had a mind of their own. You backed into the metal shelves, your heart palpitating, the feeling going down into the palm of your hands. You could feel your head spinning as well as the sound of your loud heartbeat setting up camp in your ears. What the fuck?

"We need him, Sam." Bucky's voice finally came through as you began to anchor yourself to reality. You took a few steps, placing your hands on the shelf as you moved all the miscellaneous to feel the cool metal under your palms. You drew in a sharp intake of air, ignoring the discomfort in your chest.

"Wait..." Sam stopped suddenly, "Where's Y/N?" Observing the area around them only to find you nowhere, and what they failed to notice is that you had walked to the far corner of the garage, your head against the wall to keep yourself from tackling Zemo, you'd like to think you had a bit of self-control.

"Y/N?" Bucky vocalized, hoping that you were in earshot. He rubbed his neck, panic flashing in his eyes as he scanned the area. "Y/N!" He calls louder this time, and that's when he heard your grunts.

"I'm here," You say in a hushed tone, but it was quiet enough in the garage for them to hear you. You push off the wall, prowling off to where the guys stood, your eyes never leaving Zemo. "You're going back to prison." You press, your expression contorted into a scowl.

"If I may..." Zemo starts, raising his hands in defense.

"NO!" Bucky and Sam shout in unison, making Zemo's mouth snap shut.

"Apologies..."

Bucky sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose, growing irritated with the fact that you and Sam were not on board with his plan. He understood why you weren't but Sam was a different story. "When Steve refused to sign the Sokovia accords, you and Y/N backed him." Bucky insists, looking between you and Sam for any disagreement, but you stay quiet. "You broke the law, and stuck your necks out for me. I'm asking you to do it again."

"I really think I'm invaluable..." Zemo starts up again, making you groan out in frustration.

"Dude, seriously..." You advise him, your jaw clenched with detestation for the man adjacent to you. "Shut up."

"Okay."

"If we do this..." Sam sighs, directing his finger at Zemo. "You don't make a move without our permission, especially Y/N's."

You nod once, smiling victoriously at Sam's order. It eased some of your discomforts even if you were still weary around Zemo. It didn't take a genius to see that.

"Fair," Zemo shrugs, folding his hands in agreement.

"Where do we start?"

You bite your lip in vexation, fingers tapping at your bicep with crossed arms. A hardened gaze set on Helmut Zemo while he sipped his champagne, growing ill at ease from your eyes burning holes right through him.

"Where are we going?" Sam asks, breaking the tension that had settled into the jet. He kept a close eye on you with knowledge of how short-fused you were. Anything and anyone could set you off. It was a common trait you shared with the super-soldier himself, among other things.

"I'm sorry," Zemo clears his throat, dodging Sam's question as he sets the flute down, fingers gripping a magazine. "I was just fascinated by this. I don't know what to call it, but this part seems important," He notes, gesturing to something on the pages. "Who is Nakijima?"

In a blink of an eye, Bucky rose from his chair. His vibranium hand wraps around the neck of Zemo, fingers tightening, eyes darkening. "If you touch that again, I'll kill you."

Your arms slowly came apart, mouth parted, and widened eyes staring at the scene before you. You didn't expect the sudden outburst, and as shocked as you were, you couldn't help but admit that it kind of turned you on. You shift in your seat, adjusting your position, your cheeks burning furiously at the thought of Bucky grabbing your neck while he presses you into a wall and-God, You thought, Maybe I should check into therapy.

"I'm sorry," Zemo wheezes, Bucky's metal fingers crushing his windpipe under his strength. Before taking the notebook from Zemo's hand, Bucky pushes his neck back, loosening his fingers to retake his seat across Sam.

"I understand that list of names," Zemo starts again, taking in a deep breath to level out his breathing. "People you've wronged at the winter soldier."

"Don't push it," Bucky advises, shoving the small brown notebook into a pocket inside his jacket.

"I've seen that book, " You say, clearing your throat as to not have a choking fit at your own thoughts. As angry as you were with the menace, he still had a place in your mind. "It was Steve's when he came out of the ice."

"Yeah!" Sam beams, nodding in agreement with your statement. "I told him about Trouble Man, and he wrote it in that book. Did you hear it? What'd you think?"

"I like '40s music, so," Bucky shrugs in dismissal, leaning back into the leather of the jet seats.

"You didn't like it?"

"I liked it," Bucky reassures.

"It is a masterpiece, James," Zemo adds, "It captures the African-American experience."

"Uh-" Sam scoffs, pointing at Zemo. "-He's out of line, but he's right. It's great. Everybody loves Marvin Gaye."

"I like Marvin Gaye," Bucky vows, but somehow it still didn't sound compelling, not you or Sam.

"Steve adored Marvin Gaye," Sam continues, trying to convince Bucky even further. "Did you hear it, Y/N?"

"Are you kidding?" You ask in disbelief, smiling softly at the memory of walking in on Steve once, dancing with his shield to the entire album. "I don't think there was a day I wouldn't hear it. Five out of five stars."

"See?!" Sam rejoices, gesturing his hand to you. "It's a classic!"

"You must have really looked up to Steve," Zemo pipes up, silence falling over the jet. "It seems he carries a special place in all your hearts, but I realized something when I met him. The danger with people like him, America's super-soldiers, is that we put them on pedestals."

"Watch your step, Zemo." Sam gripes, warning the baron to tread lightly, the gleam of your knife hitting his eyes.

"I'd also like to apologize," He adds, eyes flickering to you. "I would like to apologize on behalf of trying to murder you, Y/N." He mumbles, your brows furrowed in scorn, absorbing his words carefully. "And," He adds, holding his finger up. "For almost trading you to Hydra. I know you can't stand me, from the looks of that knife in your grasp," Zemo swallows hard, continuing his rant. "I find it necessary for you to know that you were simply an obstacle in my way. I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" You scoff, pushing yourself up to your feet with caution. "You're sorry." You repeat, almost laughing as if you heard a joke. Your hands smacked against his armrests, your face leaning close to his. Zemo's eyes widen as big as saucers, admiring your sense of valor to look him directly in the eyes. Not very many people could face him. He took note of that, placing you at the top of the list of people he admired.

Bucky goes to stand, a feeling of protectiveness rising to the surface. But, Sam stops him. From the looks of the situation, you could handle yourself.

"Do you have even the slightest idea of what you put me through!?" You growl with gritted teeth, eyes searching the face of the man in your sights. "You are only here for one reason, and that's because of Bucky. Otherwise, I'd have killed you on sight." You confess, taking in a huge gulp of air. "And as much as I hate to admit it," You loosen your grip from the armrests, standing straighter to take a step back.

"We need you, and I'm not saying I forgive you, but just know that if you step one foot out of line..." You tsk, slowly sinking back into your seat, giving him a view of babochka. "I'll slit your throat myself, are we clear?"

Bucky smirks softly, closing his eyes, resting his head against the chair. Maybe he didn't have to worry about you, but that didn't mean he wouldn't. And even if you weren't on speaking terms, you'd always have a place in his 106-year-old heart.

"Crystal," Zemo agrees, nodding with haste, his gloved hands rising in surrender. "I like you, Y/N," He smiles suddenly as if you didn't just threaten his life. "Maybe we could've been friends in another life."

"Maybe," You smile, tipping the end of your knife to him. "Now, tell us where we're going."

"We're going to Madripoor."

"What's up with Madripoor," Sam asks, eyes on Bucky. "You guys talk about it like it's Skull Island."

"It's an island nation in the Indonesian archipelago." Bucky opens his eyes, taking his head off the rest. "It was a pirate sanctuary back in the 1800s."

"It kept its lawless ways but, we cannot exactly walk in as ourselves." Zemo's eyes land directly on Bucky. "James, you will have to become someone you claim is gone."