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danceswithsporks · 1 month ago

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Awake- Part 10

Crosshair X InnKeeper!FemReader

Parts 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

**Not Canon to Season 3**

Chapter Summary: The truth is finally revealed.

Authors Notes: It’s finally here! After not 1, not 2, but 3 complete rewrites. Two breakdowns and one serious consideration of giving up. It’s done. I’m so unbelievably sorry for how long this took to come out. I just couldn’t seem to settle on how I wanted this chapter to play out.

This is currently my longest chapter by a solid 7k characters over the last longest one. (Part 8 I believe) So please strap in and prepare yourselves for a long emotional chapter!

**Im so sorry for any issues with the font or anything. With the new character limit on tumblr I’m having to figure out a new way to post these long fics.**

Awake, part of the sniper truly wished he wasn’t awake right now. He wanted so badly for this to be a nightmare. That way he could wake up and you still would care about him. But instead he was very much awake, sitting on a crate next to you. The two of you had been staring out at the clouds that glowed from the light of the sun, silence surrounding you both.

Your caf had gone cold, sitting forgotten on the edge of the platform. How much time had passed since he’d agreed to tell you everything? It had to have been at least thirty minutes. You honestly didn’t care, the last thing you wanted was to rush him. If what you had read about the situation with Mayday had been anything like what he was going to tell you then you knew this would be hard.

With the sun now in the sky, it had heated up to a comfortable temperature. You reached up and unlatched the cloak from around your throat and began to shrug it off. Tentative hands reached over and helped you pull it off, letting it pool on the crate around you. “Thank you, Crosshair.” Came from you in a whisper.

“Of course, Doll.” He looked back out at the clouds for a moment. The two of you couldn’t sit out here like this forever. “Doll? Can I ask for a favor? Before we begin?”

You turned and looked at him. “Of course. Anything.”

Crosshair looked at you with worry filled eyes. “Kiss me?” Just one last kiss before everything crumbled. One last kiss before he lost you forever.

Why did that request make your heart drop? “Of course.” You slid closer to him and tilted your head up. Instead of his usual fast and hard kisses, this one was slow and filled with more emotions than you’d ever felt from him. You sighed softly while cupping his cheek with one of your hands while the other was placed over his heart. Why? Why did this kiss feel so different? So…

Sad?

The two of you kissed for nearly an eternity until he finally pulled away. Crosshair stayed close enough for the tip of his nose to touch yours. He took in every possible detail about you from your hair, to your eyes, your smile and your nose. His hands ran up and down your arms a few times before he pulled you into a tight embrace.

He held you close as he began.

“ Ya remember everything I told ya about Order 66? How I had no control?” He felt your head nod against his chest.

Not only did you remember what he’d described, you’d also heard from Cody and Howzer what it had been like.

“What did Crosshair tell you about Order 66? What did he describe?” Cody watched as you shifted slightly.

“That he didn’t have any control and that it was like watching himself through a window.” Your leg began to bounce. “He said that because of it, clones all across the galaxy turned on their Jedi and anyone associated with them. Even the children.” A thought that still haunted you and made your stomach twist. You looked at the both of them wondering if either of them had killed children.

Howzer let out a long breath. “He’s right. I was one of the lucky clones. My Jedi had died before that and we hadn’t been assigned a new one yet.” His deep brown eyes looked at Cody. “Others, not so much.”

You followed his gaze. “You don’t hav-“ Cody shook his head and stopped you before you could finish your sentence.

“Kix has said it’s better that we openly talk about it. Instead of keeping it locked up.” He sighed and reached into his pocket, pulling out his datapad. “My General was by far one of the best there ever was. He was smart, wise and brave.” Cody let out a long sigh. “I loved him.” Tapping his screen, an image of him and a man with auburn hair and a matching beard appeared. Both men were smiling with their foreheads pressed together. They looked so happy together.

“He’s very handsome.” You spoke softly while reaching over and taking his free hand in yours.

Cody squeezed your hand gently. “He was.” His eyes didn’t leave the holo. “We were in the middle of battle on Utapau when we received the order. I had just handed him his lightsaber when we got the call.” A light chuckle left the clone commander. “He was always losing it. He’d tell the others that their lightsabers were their lives and yet I think he dropped it more than the others.” Cody looked down at his hip where a lightsaber hook still sat. Even after all this time, he couldn’t remove it.

You let a soft smile form on your lips. It reminded you of how Stitches would always misplace something. The man took a shuttered breath before continuing.

“One moment I was watching him ride off on his Boga, laughing at the way that man had lost his damn saber again, and then the next I was locked behind a soundproof window. Banging, screaming and pleading with my body as it gave the order to shoot him.” He closed his eyes, trying to fight back tears. “I watched the man I love fall to his death at my orders.”

Howzer reached over and squeezed his vods shoulder gently. “So many others out there have the same stories.” He thought about Bly and General Secura.

You couldn’t stop yourself from reaching up and placing a hand on Cody’s cheek. “Was it common for one of you to fall in love with your Jedi?”

“Could you blame us?” Cody released your hand and raised it to touch the other one. “We spent all of our time with them. Got to know each and everyone of them. Every part of them and their personalities. There of course were the ones that saw us as nothing but fodder. But they were a minority against those who cared about us.” He appreciated the kindness and sympathy you were passing to him.

“Not everyone fell for their Jedi.” Howzer hummed softly. “Fox fell for Senator Chuchi.” He still remembered the day Fox told him and the others that he and Riyo had secretly gotten married. “Married her two standard weeks before everything happened.”

Fox? You’d heard that name before. “He’s the one all of you are trying to find. Right?”

Cody had put his datapad away. “He is. Senator Chuchi has done a lot for the rebellion and the Path. It’s the least we can do to pay her back.”

Your eyes went wide. You had known that they’d been working on something secret and dangerous. But the rebellion! It all made so much sense now! “What’s the Path?” Both men looked at each other before looking at you warily. You rolled your eyes. “Chai is doing something top secret. Stitches is making a bunch of clothes for men, women and children. I seem to be the only one not on the up and up. So what is it and how can I help?”

Howzer couldn’t resist smirking. You didn’t shy away from anything it seemed. No wonder Crosshair had fallen for you. The teal clone chuckled for a moment before hearing the terminal near them beep. Standing up, he walked over to it and tapped a few buttons. After a quiet moment, the screen became filled with information and an image of a clone trooper. “Rex can tell ya about it later.” Howzer stepped to the side so you could see. “Maydays file just arrived.”

“I had to watch as my body did horrendous things.” He buried his face into your hair, taking the scent in. Trying to engrave it into his memory. What he was about to say would end all of this. “Doll…” he held you tight. “I killed so many civilians.”

You tensed against him. “B-but not children…right? You said you didn’t kill any children.” Right? Right!

Crosshair closed his eyes, this was it. “Not Jedi children…” He felt your arms release him, but you didn’t try to pull away.

“What happened?” Your arms hung at your side as his words settled in.

“ After Order 66, we returned to Kamino to find that things had drastically changed. The Empire had taken over and was quickly changing everything. They wanted to test us, see how loyal we truly were.” Crosshair waited for you to pull away, to put distance between the two of you. But you didn’t. Instead you seemed to move closer to him. “So they sent us to take care of some insurgents. We thought that meant droids. Instead, we found refugees. Men, women, and children on the run. We also found Saw Gerrera.”

You don’t know why, but your blood ran cold and your arms suddenly wrapped around his waist tightly. “Th-then what happened?”

Crosshair sighed. “Hunter let them escape. We thought that would be the last we’d ever see of him.”

“But it wasn’t.” You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. Not yet. You needed to hear the rest of what he had to say.

“No. It wasn’t.” He took a shuttered breath. “After we returned to Kamino, things changed. The others were imprisoned and I was taken to the infirmary. While Tarkin enhanced my chip, the others made an escape with Omega.” He could still remember the shock he felt when she actually shot his rifle from his hands. He’d truly underestimated the girl. “After that, the Empire started recruiting actual civilians for their army. I was assigned my own squad. Our first mission they sent us to track down Gerrera.”

“Your own squad?” So he had been in command?

Crosshair nodded. “A bunch of civilians who thought they were fighting the right fight. We tracked down Gerrera and moved in to apprehend them. But by the time we got there, he was gone. All we found was another group of refugees.” As much as it pained him to do it, he released you and stepped away. “Doll…I…I’m so sorry to tell you this.”

Your bottom lip began to tremble as he continued to talk. How many times had you told him that you wouldn’t judge him? That he wasn’t a horrible man? All you wanted now was for him to stop talking. The absolute fear taking you over right now was on the verge of making you sick. “C-Crosshair?” Tears began to streak down your face. Please don’t say it. Please.

“I…I killed them all. Even the children.” The cry you let out as you collapsed in shock to the ground would haunt him for the rest of his life. He stepped towards you but stopped. What was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to do?

“Why?” It came out in a choked sob.

This is what he’d been afraid of. “Because they wouldn’t tell us where he’d gone. Doll, I need you to understand that I didn’t want to do it. “

“I…I know.” You did. You truly did. But it still… “Please. I need a minute.”

He watched you stand up and walk inside before he could even answer. “Doll, I’m sorry.” Crosshair felt something roll down his cheek. He refused to touch it.

The sniper already knew what it was.

-*-

You rushed towards… somewhere. Anywhere! It was like your feet couldn’t move fast enough!

“Doll?” Echo stopped in the middle of the main room, surprised to see you rushing through.

With zero hesitation, you rushed across the room and buried your face into the clone's chest. “Echo.” You couldn’t help it. You needed someone right now.

Echo had not expected that! The way you had choked out his name had made it clear you needed someone though. He did hold his arms up in shock however. “What’s going on? Where’s Crosshair?”

“Echo?” Howzer looked up from the terminal he was at. “Oh no.” He walked over to the two of you. “Doll? Did the two of you talk?” You nodded against Echos chest. “He told you about what happened while he was under the chip?” Another nod. “Do you want to talk about it?” You shrugged. “Come on.” He motioned towards the table you’d sat up earlier.

“I’m gonna go check on Crosshair.” Echo carefully ran a protective hand over your hair for a moment. “Is that okay?” You nodded against his chest as another sob left you. “I’ll be back in a little bit.” After another moment, he felt you pull away. Echo took a step back and allowed Howzer to step into his place.

Howzer pulled you close and rubbed your arm gently. “Come on, burc’ya.”

-*-

“Crosshair.” Echo stood a few feet behind the sniper. “What did you tell her?”

Crosshair sat on the edge of the platform staring out at the clouds around them. “Everything I could.”

Echo took a deep breath before walking over to the edge as well. It took him a moment to sit down but when he did, he let his leg dangle over the edge. “What does that mean? What exactly did you tell her?”

“About the refugees on Onderon.” He didn’t look at his vod.

“The ones we let go?” Why would you be upset about that?

The sniper shuttered a breath. “No. The ones I killed in cold blood.”

Echo blinked a few times. “All of them?” No. He couldn’t have.

“All of them. The men, women, and ….children.” Everytime he said it or thought about it, it made him sick. He was a monster. His sad brown eyes slid down and looked at the long drop below him. You were inside crying because of him. He’d destroyed your perception of him. Even worse, he hurt you. It would be so easy to just…fall.

Oh Kriff. That…that was worse than he expected. Echo puffed his cheeks and let out a long whistle. “Well that…yeah that’s…a lot.” Oh man. There might not be any coming back from that.

“Did I make the mistake of telling her?” He’d wanted to be honest with you for so long. But this…was it truly worth revealing who he really was to you?

This was the most vulnerable Echo had ever seen the sniper. He’d always held this strong and confident air. Being imprisoned had truly changed him. You had truly changed him. “Depends. How much do you care about her?”

Crosshair took a long breath as he thought about your smile, your laugh, the way you always seemed to know he needed you and the way you never judged him. “More than I realized.”

“Then I think you know the answer.”

-*-

“All of you?” You looked at Cody and Howzer. Across the room Rex was speaking to someone at the holotable. A conversation that you couldn’t hear.

Howzer nodded solemnly while crossing his arms. “Yeah.” He sighed. “So many of us had to sit back in our own minds and watch our bodies attack civilians. Take over planets we’d previously rescued and imprison those we’d liberated. His amber eyes turned towards Rex. “Almost all of us.”

You followed his gaze. “He didn’t? Was his chip removed before it happened?”

Cody shook his head. “He fought it. The activation. Fought it long enough to give his Jedi a chance.” Well…kind of Jedi. It was a weird thing that he honestly didn’t want to dive into. “She used that chance to isolate him and remove his chip.”

“But how did he fight it?” You watched the blonde walk across the room to a different terminal.

“He had a warning.” Echo’s voice from behind you made you jump slightly. “Sorry for spooking ya.” He placed a gentle hand on your shoulder before stepping around the crate and sitting next to you. “You okay?” He asked softly, reaching up and brushing a strand of your hair out of your face.

“Kind of. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. Understand it all.” You let out a sad sigh. “Is he…okay?”

Echo took a moment before nodding. “He will be.”

Well that was something, right? “What did you mean that he had a warning? Rex, that is.”

“Fives, my twin.” Echo pulled out his datapad and pulled up a holo of him, Rex, Cody and Fives from Rishi, his favorite picture. He passed the device to you.

Wow, Fives and him looked so much alike. Yes, clones all looked alike. But the sets of twins, you really understood now why they were called that. Tech and Crosshair looked alike, especially in the eyes, and now you could see how Echo and Fives did as well. It was the smile. They shared the same smile. If you tried to explain this to anyone who didn’t really know the clones then they’d think you were crazy. But something told you that Chai and Stitches would understand. A little chuckle left you as your eyes slid to Cody. “Weird seeing you without a beard.” You joked softly.

Cody shrugged. “Gotta admit, it grew on me.” A long groan came from Howzer. The Marshal Commander couldn’t help but smile. Obi-wan would have been proud of the joke.

“That was so bad.” You shook your head with a slight smile. In a way it felt wrong to smile while talking about something so dark. But it helped the pain in your heart subside a little. Taking a breath, you looked back at Echo. “How did he find out?”

“Well…”

-*-

“Crosshair?” You stood in the doorway of the landing pad once more. The sun was now beginning to set. You felt bad that you’d left him out here this long. But you’d needed time to wrap your head around what he’d told you and what the others had said as well.

“Fives had learned about the chip after one of our brothers', Tup’s, chips malfunctioned and activated early. Tup killed his Jedi General. Fives thought something was off about the situation. So he started investigating things. Long story short, he figured out Order 66 and that Palpatine was behind it. Tried to warn Rex and our General. But Palpatine had him neutralized.” Echo stared at Rex. “Rex filed a complaint revealing what Fives told him. When the order came through, Rex was able to resist it. I think that was because of what my twin told him. Ahsoka helped remove his chip. Ever since then, Rex has been helping other clones remove theirs.”

One of the clones had known prior to Order 66 happening and had tried to warn everyone. But no one believed him. So much sadness, pain, and death was caused because no one believed that soldier. You could see it in the eyes of every clone you passed here that they all carried the weight of their actions under the chips deep within them. It seemed it had been threaded into their entire being like their own DNA was. It would take a long time for them to recover from those horrors. You stared at Crosshair as he looked over his shoulder at you. But what if… what if some didn’t recover at all? How many would be driven to insanity…or worse if they couldn’t recover.

Would he be one of them?

The thought practically destroyed you to think about. His eyes met with yours and you realized that your legs couldn’t move. You thought you could do this. You thought you could handle talking to him more and learning why Saw Garrera had affected him so harshly. But looking into those brown eyes that held so much sadness and guilt, killed you. With a soft gasp, you turned around and buried your face into your hands. You weren’t strong enough to do this. You’d failed him.

“Doll” Crosshair spoke carefully as he stood from the edge of the landing pad. His steps to you were careful, like he was approaching a scared mouse. The sniper worried that one wrong step would have you fleeing back inside.

You could hear his footsteps getting closer to you. Your brain screamed at you to run away. To protect yourself from even more sadness. But your heart reminded you of why you were feeling this way. You had asked to know what he’d gone through. Why he thought so little of himself. This was your chance. “I…I don’t think I can look at you yet.”

Crosshair stopped just a few feet from you. “I see.” He shouldn’t have been surprised that you feared him now. Maybe even hated him. He’d revealed the horrors that he’d done.

“B-but I want to know the rest.” You reached your hand out behind you.

Crosshair took it instantly. “Doll, you don’t have to.” He looked down at your trembling hand.

You shook your head quickly. “I want to, Crosshair. Please. Tell me it all.” A squeeze was passed to his hand from yours.

“I understand.” Not really. Why? Why would you want to continue putting yourself through this pain? Why would you want to keep hurting yourself listening to what he’d been through? You didn’t deserve this. He was hurting you by telling you.

What kind of man was he?

“Then please, don’t hide any of it?” You asked softly while slowly backing towards him. It only took a few steps for you to meet his body. With a gentle tug, you pulled his hand around you so it would hold your waist. His other hand followed suit.

Crosshair didn’t hesitate to hold you close to him. His hands slid from your waist to your stomach and overlapped. He buried his face into your neck, closed his eyes and took a long deep breath. You didn’t smell like you usually did. Like the inn, your perfume, your shampoo or even your bed. No, you smelled like dirt, caf and clone. He hated it. All he wanted at this moment was to get you home but he knew that if he didnt take this chance to fully open up to you. That he never would.

-*-

The two of you stood there for another hour as Crosshair told you about the next missions he went on. He explained how he’d hunted his brothers and sister down mercilessly. Following them everywhere he could in hopes of getting rid of them and bringing Omega back to the Empire. He explained how he’d followed them to the shipyard where they were having their chips removed and the resulting incident that gave him his burn scar.

It was also what began his freedom from their hold.

“My chip was damaged after that. So I had it removed. As far as the Empire was concerned, I was so fiercely loyal to them that the chip wouldn’t be needed anymore anyway. “ He couldn’t help but actually chuckle at that. “They underestimated the mental strength of a clone though. It didn’t happen right away. But as the months ticked by I became stronger than the programming. The removal of my chip had disillusioned me to what side the Empire was really on. The more missions I went on and the more orders I was given, the more my mind started to clear.”

However, that realization didn’t come soon enough and he was sent to Ryloth. This was how he’d met Howzer and framed Cham Sandulla for the attempted assassination of Senator Taa. Crosshair explained how he’d been the one to order Howzer to be arrested as well as the men that had sided with the teal clone. The whole time he was already fighting himself to take back control.

“Syndulla’s daughter escaped.” Thankfully. “ Last I heard she was part of the rebellion.”

At least one child he hadn’t killed.

Kamino came next, he explained. Hunter had been captured and brought back to Tipoca to be tortured. Unsurprisingly the others had also returned to save him. It was part of the perfect trap. The Batch had always been loyal to each other. It was both their strength and their weakness. Crosshair explained how he’d used Hunters com to lure the rest of the batch to the city. How he’d finally revealed how he felt betrayed by them as well as disposing of his current squad when they didn’t lower their weapons. After being knocked unconscious by his vod, he’d awoken to a destroyed Tipoca.

Their home was gone.

He’d expected them to turn their back on him once more and leave him there. But the kid, Omega, she wouldn’t let them. Wouldn’t let him stay behind. They worked together to escape the ruins before the city completely sank and at the end, when Omega almost lost her closest friend, Crosshair stepped up and saved him.

“But I could see it in their eyes, they still didn’t trust me.”

He didn’t blame them either.

“I made a stupid decision after that. When they left, I stayed and waited for the Empire.”

Thirty two rotations. He’d waited thirty two rotations for the Empire to come back. That’s when his mind had truly begun to fight the programming.

His first mission back had been with Cody.“It was strange seeing him without his orange paint. It was yet another realization that what we were doing couldn’t be right. Commander Cody. The most loyal clone you could find. Had dimmed his colors.” The mission had gone… successfully. As successful as a mission that ended with the body of the offender being displayed in the town center as a ‘warning’.

When Cody went AWOL after asking Crosshair if what they were doing really was the right thing, it flipped a switch in his mind. When Marshall Commander Cody, the clone paired with Obi-Wan Kenobi, went AWOL something was wrong.

It all came to a head on Barton IV.

“Mayday” He almost whispered while burying his face into your hair. Crosshair didn’t like thinking about Mayday.

You turned then and buried your face in his chest. You already knew about Mayday. But you wanted to hear it all from his point of view. Wrapping your arms around his waist, you squeezed him gently, telling him to continue.

Still, you were unable to look at him.

“When I met Mayday it was just him. The rest of his squad had been killed by anything and everything on Barton IV. Bandits, ice Vultures, and ice wyrms. I don’t know exactly how long Mayday had been on his own at that point. But it had been long enough for him to be pissed off at the Empire.” Crosshair thought about the small shrine Mayday had set up for his fallen men. It was a gruesome reminder of the fate of a clone. Crosshair went on to explain how the depot had been attacked by intruders who’d stolen the precious cargo the Empire wanted.“Mayday and I were the lucky two clones chosen to hunt them down and bring back the cargo. Found them quick enough as well as the cargo.”The cargo that had been fucking infuriating to see. “During the takedown of the bandits an avalanche was triggered. Mayday protected me and was injured in the process.” Crosshair let a long sigh leave him as he squeezed his eyes closed. “It took us days to get back to the depot. Mayday was barely hanging on. By the time we made it back to the depot, he was near death. Lieutenant Nolan spent the time that could have been used to help Mayday to instead reprimand us for losing their precious stormtrooper armor.” Crosshair tightened his hold on you.

“He died in my arms.”

You let out a shuddered breath. The file in Mayday had been so painfully different. All it had said was that he was killed in an attack by intruders.

“I lost it. I killed Nolan. Finally broken free of my programming. I collapsed and woke up in prison. Strapped to a table.”

So that had been it. That had been what he’d gone through. There was still the topic of Saw Garrera. But at this point you were so emotionally drained that you finally couldn’t focus anymore. “I’m so sorry.” You spoke so softly that you weren’t sure he’d even heard you. “I still want to hear the rest but…I think…I think I need a break.” You were so tired. So so tired.

“I understand.” Crosshair released you to step back and allow you to walk away. But you didn’t release him, making him feel confused.

“Please.” You choked out. “Can we please go to bed.”

‘We’? You wanted him to go with you? “We?”

You didn’t speak. Instead only nodding against him. Tears were once again burning your eyes and you knew you couldn’t let him see you like this. It wouldn’t be fair to him. You’d told him you’d listen and still care for him. Crying felt like you were going back on that.

Crosshair wrapped his arms around you once more and held you as he tried to understand why you still wanted to be near him. To go to bed with him and share your warmth. He was a murderer. He’d killed innocent people.

Innocent children.

He’d helped with the subjugation of communities all in the name of the Empire. People who didn’t give two fucks about him and his brothers.

“Okay.” Tomorrow when your head was clear and you’d had time to think and understand everything would most likely be when you changed your mind about him. “Let’s head back to the room.” The sniper moved to guide you back to your waiting cots, but found resistance. “Doll?” He asked gently.

“I want to go back to Pabu. To a warm bed. Our warm bed.” You didn’t want to be here anymore. In this cold place that seemed to only house sadness. Yes, there had been some laughter with Cody and the others inside. But it felt fake. Like a bad patch over a hole in the wall. Get it wet just a little and it would break away, revealing the hole. They were all sad and carrying their own baggage.

‘Our warm bed.’ Why did that make him happy to hear? Now wasn’t the time to feel that way. He’d destroyed your perception of him. Gone was the misunderstood man you thought he was and now in his place stood a monster.

Why would you want to share your warm bed with him?

Why would you want him to go back to the inn with you?

Why?

“Okay.” He spoke again. “I’ll talk to Rex.”

-*-

It was strange. A few days ago you were sitting in this exact seat heading to Crosshair to help him. Your mind filled with worry about him. Worry about what you’d find when the ship landed. Now?

Now you were heading home with a confused heart. Deep down you knew you still cared about him. You still…loved him.

But how? How could you really focus on your love for him when he’d done such terrible things?

Echo stood in the doorway of the cockpit staring at the two of you. He’d made the decision to let Crosshair pilot home instead of doing it himself. It would allow the two of you to be together, even if it was in silence.

Three hours in total silence wasn’t as odd as someone would think. Not when Crosshair was involved. The sniper could easily go days without speaking. But you? It was so odd to see you so silent. You didn’t even look at Crosshair. It was worrying. Echo let out a sigh before turning to head out of the cockpit.

“Tell me the rest about Saw Garrera?” Your voice was soft, barely audible over the hum of the ship.

Crosshair, who was staring straight out of the windshield, looked at you slowly. You were sitting with your knees pulled up to your chin and your eyes fixed out at the swirling blue of the hyperspace jump. “Doll, you don’t ….”

“I do. I want to know why you’re so desperate to find him even after being freed from your chip.” You still couldn’t bring yourself to look at him.

Even when the two of you went inside to ask Rex to take you back to Pabu, you didn’t look at him. You tried, you did. But the moment you even looked at his chest you found your stomach beginning to twist. You couldn’t do it, you just couldn’t.

As much as you just wanted to go to sleep and dream that you hadn’t in fact learned everything you’d learned today, you knew it had needed to happen at some point. There had been no denying it when you saw him in his room a few days ago.

You loved him. You loved Crosshair.

So you knew you needed to know everything about him and that there was a strong chance that what he told you would be horrible. But never had you expected it to be this. Did it diminish how you felt about him?

No.

Deep down you knew it didn’t. But right now, in this moment, you found it so unbelievably hard to look at him and not see a monster. A man forced to kill children. Innocent children. Just the thought made your chest hurt again and you fought back the tears trying to leave you.

It wasn’t his fault. That voice in your head told you.

You knew it wasn’t. It was the Kaminoans for putting that chip in his head. It was the Empire’s fault for activating that chip. It was Saw Garrera’s fault for leaving those refugees behind. Most importantly though.

It wasn’t his fault.

Echo looked back at Crosshair. “I can do that if you want.” He mouthed to his vod.

Crosshair shook his head though before motioning for Echo to leave the room. Only once the door shut did Crosshair finally walk over to you. He knelt on the cold durasteel and took your hand in his.

“Even after I was imprisoned, he continued to be a thorn in the Empire’s and the Rebellion's side.”

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danceswithsporks · 2 years ago

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Calm Part 5

Part 2 of 6 in the Complete Series!

Wrecker x Seamstress!Reader

Parts 1 2 3 4

Authors Notes: phew! This chapter was so fast only because I had pre-written most of it about two months ago! I’ve been waiting for this chapter for so long to finally post! I really do appreciate all of you reading, liking and sharing it! Everyday I see new ppl liking and sharing it which makes me love what I’m doing so much!

Chapter about: Some long overdue truths are revealed.

Calm, it was so uncomfortably calm. None of the seabirds sang, the waves sounded miles away and even the Marauder's engines had died down. It was too quiet and calm for anything to be ok. Your eyes scanned the area around you until you found Chai.

Connecting the dots between why she was a sobbing, crumpled mess and the missing clone didn’t take you long. Tech had somehow been lost. How? You didn’t know and honestly didn’t care. Right now, all you cared about was Wrecker and Omega. You made your way across the courtyard quickly, ignoring the looks of the other clones as they watched you with sadness in their eyes, your condolences would be given later. For now, you just needed to be next to the two beneath the tree.

You didn’t speak as you knelt carefully in the grass next to Wrecker, his eyes still closed as he held the blonde against his chest. You could see by the way he was holding himself that he was trying to be strong for her. Reaching your hand out, you gently ran it against Wrecker's cheek, making him slowly look toward you. His eyes were so red and puffy. It pained your heart so much to see him like this. Your thumb ran across the scar on the side of his face and beneath his bad eye. “Oh, Wrecker.” Left you in a whisper.

Being strong in front of Omega was hard, painful, and nearly impossible. But after everything she’d been through, she’d deserved the time to cry without him fueling it. Tech had always told them that her emotions were fueled by those around her and they’d seen that proven more than once. So for once, Wrecker buried his feelings. Until you showed up. Your hand against his cheek was the comfort he needed. So many times over the last few weeks he’d thought about you more times than he could count. How he’d let you know his brother was gone and the clothing you’d been painstakingly working on for him would be going to waste. How he’d have to explain that he’d been too weak to pull his brother up to safety and had to watch him die. That thought alone continued to plague him. Your thumb ran across his cheek and wiped away a few stray tears and he felt the walls he was struggling to hold begin to crumble. But it was when you stared at him with those loving and caring eyes and whispered those two words, did they finally came crashing down. Unable to fight it anymore, he buried his face into the crook of your neck and sobbed quietly.

You fought back your tears as you placed a hand against the back of his head and rubbed it carefully, your other hand finding Omegas and holding it. How long ago did it happen? How long had they been grieving already? How long had he, all of them, been putting on a strong front for Omega? “It’s ok.” You whispered to Wrecker as you placed a gentle kiss on the top of his head. “I’m here.” A few tears trickled down your cheeks as you tried to be strong for the two you’d come to care for so much. “I’m here.” You felt a squeeze from Omega as another muffled sob left the girl. It was an uncomfortable position, but you’d stay in it as long as you needed to.

-*-

Nearly twenty minutes later Omega and Wrecker had both finally stopped crying. But you knew from experience that it wouldn’t be for long.

“Thank the maker that you got my message.” Hunter's voice was soft and low as he approached from the ship. The final checks were done and the Marauder was secured.

“Wait, you sent me that message?” So it hadn’t been Wrecker. Now the tone made so much more sense. You watched as Hunter nodded. “Why?”

Hunter sighed softly while looking at his siblings. “Cause I knew they needed you. Everyone was managing well before we made the final jump to Pabu. Think the realization of being here without Tech finally hit everyone. Just don’t know what to do anymore.” He’d tried for so long to calm Omega down while helping Wrecker keep his head. Hunter hated to admit it, but he was out of ideas on what to do. “I had a feeling you’d been waiting for a message from him, so I sent the message from his datapad.”

You stroked Omega's hair with one hand while rubbing Wrecker's back with the other. If the two were listening then they didn’t let it be known. For all you could tell, they were sleeping as they'd gone quiet. “I’ve got them tonight.” Was whispered. Your hands protectively around them both. “Go get some sleep.”

Hunter let out a long sigh as he rubbed one of his eyes. He was so tired. “Thank you.” Kneeling beside you, he placed a kiss on the top of Omega's head and placed a hand on Wrecker's shoulder where he squeezed it tightly.

You watched as he stood and before he could turn to walk away, you reached out and took his hand in yours. “ Hunter, thanks for messaging me and….I’m sorry.” He bit his lip and nodded to you before patting the back of your hand. Then he was gone with the others.

The thought of them being asleep was quickly pushed away as Wrecker pulled away from you slightly. You didn’t let him get far though. Reaching up with both hands, you cradled his face. You pressed your forehead against his and sighed softly. “Let’s go home.”

Wrecker was too tired and too drained to say no. Already he could feel himself becoming numb and from the way Omega was dropping her head, he could tell she was just as drained. With a nod, he sat back and watched as you stood.

You stretched your stiff joints for a moment before offering your hand to him. When he finally took it, you leaned back and allowed your body weight to help pull him up. He easily pulled Omega up and into his arms and rested her against him with one arm. Her sleepy head rested against his chest as her eyes fought to stay open. You slid your hand back into his hanging one and slowly you began the descent to your place.

The ten-minute walk felt like thirty as you walked in silence. Never had you heard him this quiet for so long, the same went for Omega. Seeing them both like this made your heart sit in your stomach like a rock. You understood the feelings they were experiencing all too well and knew that they’d be due for another wave of crying soon enough. All you could do was get them home, cleaned, fed, and in bed. Even if they didn’t want to do half of those things, you’d be there to help.

Wrecker remembered to duck as he entered your home behind you. The first thing he’d noticed was that you’d cleaned and moved out many of the boxes that used to clutter the main part of your home. The second was the six stacks of clothing waiting on your counter. The color scheme of the batch was easy to see and he felt that pain in his chest once more. “You finished.”

You followed his gaze to the stacks and nodded. “Yeah, a few days ago.” Stepping forward, you ran your hand against Omega's arm. “Omega? Let’s get you settled first?” You felt bad for waking the poor girl up. But from the looks of her it had been a while since she’d last showered and going to bed dirty wouldn’t help her through this.

Omega groggily opened her eyes before nodding. With a pat on Wrecker's chest, she was lowered to the ground. She watched as you turned and picked up one of the stacks of clothes. “Are those…for me?”

“Yes.” Your hand ran across the top outfit, a dress that Tech and Chai had thought she’d look nice in. “You can look through it all tomorrow. For now...” You moved a few of the garments before stopping and pulling a pair of shorts and a top out. “I made you some new pajamas.” Looking at Wrecker, you smiled softly. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

Omega took the pajamas from you and ran her hand over the material. It was so soft and light, no doubt it would be more comfortable to sleep in than the old clothes she’d been sleeping in. She opened her mouth to thank you but you were already walking toward a room. Your words to Wrecker let her know that you wanted her to follow you, and so she did.

Once inside the room, you shut the door and placed the stack of clothes on the dresser. “In the ‘fresher that’s connected to this room, you’ll find a towel and some shower supplies designed for girls. Take as long as you want to shower. Once you're done, I’ll have some food and water waiting for you.” You stepped over to her and helped her pull off her dirty and tattered jacket. Tomorrow you would wash it and fix the holes up for her.

“I’m not hungry.” Came as a whisper from Omega as she watched you carefully place the jacket down. You moved to the dresser and opened the top drawer, pulling a brush out before you closed the drawer once more.

“That’s fine.” Came softly as you moved around her and carefully began to run the brush through her blonde locs. “At least drink the water. It’ll help stop you from having a headache in the morning.” Satisfied that her hair was knot-free, you placed the brush on the bed and moved in front of her. “Even if you simply pick at the food, it will be good to put something in your stomach. ‘Kay?”

“W-why are you being so nice?” The young clone leaned her head against the hand that you had placed against her cheek. You were always nice to her, like a big sister, but this seemed even nicer than usual. No jokes or funny remarks had been made since they’d returned.

A long sigh left you as you moved a strand of hair out of her face. “Because I know exactly what you’re going through. The pain that you're feeling.”

“You do?” When you nodded slowly, a sad half smile on your lips, her bottom lip began to tremble again. “H-how?”

Your heart hurt so much for the poor girl. “I’ll tell you another day. But know that I do understand.” Wrapping your hand around hers, you pulled her into a tight hug and held her close for a few moments. “Now, please go take a shower. I’m going to take care of your brother now.” Releasing her, you began to turn and head towards the door, but her hand stopped you.

“There’s something you should know.” Omega chewed her lip as you looked back at her with a raised eyebrow. “He… watched Tech die.”

“Oh.” Your heart shattered hearing that. It was hard to swallow the massive lump in your throat as you nodded to the child. “Thank you for letting me know.” You felt like that would be the end of the conversation, but she continued to hold your hand. “Yes, Omega?”

“Will he…” Omega choked back a few sobs that were already fighting to come out. “Will he be ok?” Wrecker was far from his normal self since everything had happened. It was like a piece of him fell with Tech.

It was hard to say. You knew from experience that people could go many ways while recovering from something like this. Already you could see that Wrecker was lost in his mind. Losing himself to the dark pull of his thoughts. But how could you say something like this to this sweet girl? You let out a long breath before forcing a smile. “He will with time.” You watched as the girl nodded while you pulled away. “If you need us, just call out.”

-*-

Wrecker sat in silence on your couch, his mind continuing to berate him for falling to pull Tech up and failing to keep Omega safe. He was the strongest in the group and he’d failed at being just that, strong. He’d sworn to himself that he’d keep it together until he was in the privacy of your room or the shower, not crying in front of the kid and making her more upset. But how could he hide his weakness from you when you showed him so much care and worry?

“Wrecker?” Your voice cut through the uncomfortable silence of the room. When he didn’t look up at you, you sighed and closed the space between the two of you. “Come on, time to shower.” You held your hand out to him once again, but this time he didn’t take it.

How could he tell you that Tech died because he’d been too weak to pull him up? To catch him before he fell? He’d promised to always catch you and anyone else he’d cared for and yet here he’d failed. He was a failure and a man not deserving of all this kindness you were giving him. You spoke to him but the words didn’t phase him in the slightest. To him it was like you weren’t even there, the darkness in his mind taking control of everything.

So that’s where he was at. You took a deep breath and took his hand in yours. Once again you used your body weight to pull him. He didn’t fight you at all. If this was any other moment, you may have felt hurt by the silence surrounding you both. But you had first-hand experience on what he was going through and you’d give him whatever time he needed to talk. Instead, you led him towards your room and the refresher within, making sure to lock your door in the process.

Wrecker stood in the center of your refresher as you moved calmly around his large body. A few candles were lit before the sound of the shower turning on filled the room. You vanished for a moment into the bedroom before returning with the wooden stool from your dressing table. It clicked quietly against the tiled floor of the shower as you placed it down before returning to the silent clone's side. No words were spoken from either of you as you slowly slid your hands around his armor and found the latches holding each piece to the other. Loud thunks and clanks echoed in the room as each plastoid piece fell to the floor.

The armor now gone, he stood before you in just his pants and black top. His boots had already been removed by the time you’d returned to him in the living room. Your hands moved slowly over his dirty and stained clothing, watching for any signs that he wanted you to stop. When no such sign came, you started to remove his shirt. A small gasp left you as you took in the new scars and still-healing bruises that littered his torso. “Oh, Wrecker.” What had he gone through? What happened out there?

Wrecker wanted to talk to you, to tell you everything, and bare his heart to you. But how could he when his mind was telling him that you’d leave him the moment you knew what had happened? His heart knew that wasn’t true, you weren’t like that. But the darkness in his mind was screaming so much louder. So he let you continue what you were doing instead. Dark, sad eyes watched the way you slowly moved around him, your eyes connecting with his every few moments before you looked back to your hands. Never once did you ask or demand an answer on what happened. You just silently undressed him.

His clothes were removed, and you took his hand and led him into the waiting embrace of the warm shower. The water soaked your clothes as you helped him sit on the stool. Satisfied that he wasn’t going to just slide off, you took a moment to undress and throw your soaking clothes outside the shower. You would have usually expected him to throw his hands all over your body the moment your nude form stood before him. That’s how you knew he wasn’t okay, he wasn’t remotely phased by your breasts in grabbing distance.

You watched as the dirt and grime and, what you hoped wasn’t his, blood washed off his body and down the drain. Trails left by the water littered his body allowing the bruises beneath to be even more visible. Around his neck is where you could make out the more angry-looking bruises, making you inhale and fight back tears. You couldn’t cry right now, you had to be the rock he needed. Grabbing your bottle of soap that you knew he loved the smell of, you lathered a washcloth and slowly but gently dragged it across his shoulders.

The lump in your throat continued to grow as more and more of his skin was cleaned and revealed. You’d studied every inch of him before he’d left and the sheer number of new cuts and scars made your heart almost shatter. After nearly ten minutes of silent washing, you finally broke the silence.

“When I was Omega’s age I watched my parents be killed in front of me.” You felt him tense beneath your hand. A subtle sign that he was listening. You continued to wash his back and arms as you spoke. “We traveled a lot when I was a child. Been to almost every major planet in the galaxy. Naboo, Taris, Alderaan, and especially Coruscant. That was always my favorite place to go since my aunt lived there. My father always wanted me to have a worldly view of everything. Didn’t want some random guy to try and convince me that Tattoine was some magical great place to sweep me off my feet.” He shifted beneath your hands and you could swear you heard a small chuckle leave him. “Mom used the trips as a chance to research new styles and we also used the time to get supplies for the island. We spent more time off the planet than we did on Pabu. It was great. I loved being in the stars and seeing all the galaxy had to offer. My father was even showing me how to fly our ship.” The lump in your throat felt like it was the size of a grapefruit. “It was…one of those magical trips where I lost everything.” Moving around to the front of him, you knelt and began to run the soapy cloth over his thick legs. “We were returning from Coruscant with a whole cargo full of fabric and supplies the island needed. I guess someone must have seen us loading because they attacked us as soon as we left Coruscant's jurisdiction. My father let me take over flying as soon as we were away from the other ships. I guess he thought we would be safe since we were still around Coruscant. He was wrong.”

“They were pirates…and slave traders.” You froze for a moment remembering the oil and dirt smell on one of them. His leg shifted slightly against your touch, hopefully, that meant he was still listening. “Their ship was larger and faster than ours. They docked and forced the airlock open. My mother didn’t even have time to scream before they’d put a blaster shot through her head. My father tried to protect me but they just shot his leg. They forced him to watch as their leader inspected the cargo…and me.” A shiver ran down your spine at the phantom feeling of the scaled fingers of the pirate lord. “Only after their leader was satisfied that I was…pure, did he offer my father the chance to sell me to him. When my father refused.” Your grip around the washcloth tightened and you forced down the terrified sob trying to escape. “They put a blaster in his mouth and…and made him choose. His life for my freedom. Or they’d force my father to watch as they each…” your voice cracked as you forced out the word. “Polluted me.” Wrecker's leg jerked slightly and you felt his heel slide around one of your legs, holding you close in his own way. “They lied to him. He hadn’t even been dead for a second before they were discussing how much I could sell for. A pure youngling. What pervert could resist that? I’d sell for millions they said, if not billions if they found the right buyer. They were about to load me onto their ship when someone blew up their ship. It was a Jedi, back when they protected everyone instead of leading a war.” Beneath your grip, Wrecker adjusted once more. This time he’d moved the stool closer to you, trying to be the looming safety you once told him he was.

The washcloth was lowered from him and you settled onto your heels. Avoiding his gaze, if he was even looking at you, you continued. “I don’t remember his name, the Jedi who saved me, just that he was a Nautolan with green skin, like his saber. He helped me get home, I don’t know what happened to our ship and I’ve never left the planet since then.” You visibly shook off the weight of your tale before standing up and moving to rinse the suds off of him. “Phee took me in after it happened. She and my Aunt planned the funeral and anything dealing with the array of the pirates. The Jedi had killed all but two and the leader. They were tried for their crimes and executed from what my Aunt told me. I didn’t go to the execution or anything that would have made me leave the planet. During that time I…I wasn’t good. I had nightmares about failing to fly my parents to safety. Or that if I hadn’t begged to fly, my father would have seen them and maybe we would have escaped. Most importantly I just hated myself. Why did I get to live while the two people who’d given me life, raised me, and where all around good people have to die while I was forced to live? Why didn’t he just kill me then and there? Those and hundreds more questions filled every space they could find in my mind. I barely ate or drank or slept and Phee began to worry. It was a year before I even stepped foot into my own home again. All I wanted to do..was die. That's all my mind kept telling me to do. Die, stop being a burden on Phee and the others. They had enough on their plates without also having to worry about some teen who couldn’t even save her parents. To me, I was useless and a failure.” You clicked the water off with a sigh before walking around Wrecker and grabbing one of the two towels you’d set outside the shower. “It took me finally talking to Phee and the island doctor to fully handle what happened and even then I wasn’t back to normal right away. It took time just to realize that I had people who wanted to be there for me and help me. That I wasn’t useless…or weak.”

The towel was wrapped around your torso before you pulled the other one into the shower and pulled him to standing. “I don’t know what happened out there and I’m not going to force you to tell me. I just want you to know that I am here to listen when you’re ready to talk.” Carefully, you wrapped the towel around his waist and secured it. “And that no matter what, you are not weak, you are not useless and…” you lifted his hand to your cheek and kissed his palm. “Oh Wrecker, you are so very loved.”

His thumb ran across your cheekbone slowly, wiping a few stray tears from your skin. It was his silent way of telling you he’d heard you and you’d take it for now. “Come on. Let’s get you to bed.” He followed you obediently to your bed where you instructed him to lay down. The blanket was pulled over him while you placed a sweet kiss on his cheek. “I'm going to check on Omega. Please get some sleep.” If he was ready to talk in the morning then that’s when you’d talk. But for now, he just deserved to sleep in the safety of your home. “I’ll be back soon.” His hand reached out and grabbed yours as you turned to leave.

“Thank you.” Was all that came from him before his eyes began to close and he relaxed slightly into the comfort of your bed. He wasn’t too sure if he’d sleep that night, he truly couldn’t remember the last time he’d slept peacefully, but knowing you were close and being surrounded by your scent would be enough to help him right now.

You stood in the doorway and watched him for a little bit. “I’m glad you’re home.” Even if he’d returned to you under the worst of circumstances. He was home and now it was your job to guide him through this. You carefully let the door shut and turned your focus to what you could do to help.

-*-

3 hours later

“Wrecker!”

Omega’s scream had you sprinting from your room to hers in an instant. Worried that she’d wake her sleeping brother. “Hey, hey. It’s ok.” You cooed to her softly while entering her room and approaching the bed. The still damp and frazzled hair of hers let you know that she’d showered and you could make out a sandwich missing two small bites. So she’d eaten some of the sandwich and taken a few sips out of the water you’d placed down.

“Where’s Wrecker?” Her brown eyes darted side to side for a moment, worry settling into her.

How much had she seen out there? What had she gone through to be this terrified? “He’s ok. He’s asleep in our bed.” You held your hand out to her. “Do you want to go check?” When she nodded, you forced a smile and led the way. Her hand held yours tightly during the short walk, perhaps worried this was all a dream. You poked your head in first to make sure the clone was covered before opening it more for her to see.

She quietly took a peek and sighed when she saw him asleep with an almost peaceful look on his face. “Has he said anything yet?”

“No. But that’s ok.” You crossed your arms and leaned against the doorway. “When any of you are ready to talk about what happened, I’ll be here.”

Omega stepped towards Wrecker and noticed you’d left the same tray of food for him. The only difference between her and him was that he’d eaten more of his sandwich than she had. “Don’t you want to know?” She whispered before running her finger across her brother's cheek. She took in his Lula tightly against his chest. So he’d left it with you, that made sense.

“I do.” Shrugging as you pushed off the doorframe and made your way over to her, you ran your fingers carefully through her hair. “But forcing any of you to talk about it before you’re ready would just make things worse.” Your voice was low while you spoke, not wanting to wake your sleeping giant. Taping your lips, you motioned for her to follow you out of the room.

“Oh.” She hadn’t expected that. When she first arrived at Mount Tantiss, Hemlock, and Nala Se had wanted to know everything up until that point. Though Omega had omitted Pabu. Opting to choose some outer rim planet she’d seen on the star chart. The door closed with a quiet hiss behind her and she took the opportunity to rub her arm. “Could I tell you what happened?”

You’d turned to head to the kitchen to get her more water when she’d asked her question. Fighting the urge to automatically say yes, you instead thought for a moment. “Is that what you want to do?” When she shyly nodded, you took a breath. “Ok, well I think we’ll need some hot chocolate first.”

-*-

Wrecker woke up in the early morning of the following day in a sleepy haze. How long had he slept? Wasn’t the sun just barely down when you’d all returned to your home? Turning in the bed, he expected to see you peacefully next to him. But you weren’t. Wrecker sat up quickly and looked around as the fear began to set in him. Where were you? “Sarad?” His eyes caught a pair of pajama pants on the edge of the bed with his 99 shirt. You must have left them for him.

The floor creaked beneath his feet as he stepped out of the room and towards the main area. The faint smell of caf and chocolate lingered in the air as early morning rays of the sun streamed through your curtains. On the couch, curled up into your side was Omega while you slept sitting up. Two half-drunk cups sat on the table near your feet as well as a tray of cookies, crumbs indicating that some had been removed. You looked so at peace with his sister curled into you, your protective arm holding her close. It was hard to believe that you’d been through so much and yet you now seemed like the happiest person he knew.

He’d heard everything you’d shared the night before, every dark and painful truth about what had happened to you and your parents. To know that you’d been so deep into the darkness, so lost to your thoughts that you’d stated that you wanted to die. It channeled something within him, pulled him from whatever daze he’d been lured into by his dark thoughts. If you could use the support of those around you to pull through this then maybe he could. It had been a thought that had raced through his mind all night. His dreams and nightmares were littered with conflicting thoughts of good and bad. That he was weak and useless against the knowledge that he was strong and needed.

“You are so very loved.”

What did you mean by that? Did that mean you loved him? That you were in love with him? When his sleep wasn’t being attacked by these conflicting thoughts, they were about you and how you cared for him so deeply. How you’d bathed him and fed him and cared for him when he felt at his absolute lowest. You were his rock.

“Mesh’la?” Wrecker sat next to you on the couch and gently stroked your cheek. A hum left your lips as your head turned and faced his. His heart fluttered at the sight of your precious eyes staring at him. That warmth and safety within them pulled him close once more. All around you that air of calmness drowned the twisting, swirling chaos of the darkness within him. “Hello, gorgeous.”

You hadn’t expected to see him up and about so soon, but waking to that cinnamon eye staring at you with love and adoration made you so unbelievably happy. “Wrecker.” He hummed at the way you sighed his name and your heart beat faster. “Welcome home.”

Home. It was hard to think that he had a home again. After the fall of Kamino, he hadn’t thought it possible to find a place to call home where he felt as safe and calm as he did with you. To know you called this place his home made a light inside him glow. “I’m sorry…” his words were cut by your hand cupping his cheek and stroking it gently.

“Don’t apologize. Omega told me what she could.” Before the poor thing broke down and cried herself to sleep. “When you’re ready. I’ll be here to listen.” Wrecker leaned forward and kissed your cheek gently before asking if you two could speak outside. Nodding, you carefully extracted Omega from your side and laid her down on the couch before covering her up.

He watched the way you stroked her hair and ensured she was comfortable. The motherly way you fawned over the girl and adjusted things around the couch and table so that she could be more comfortable. This was what having a home was like, wasn’t it? Someone waiting there for them that cared about them more than anything. Someone who looked out for them and listened to their woes?

Wrecker took your hand and led you to the private courtyard where the early morning sun warmed you against the cool morning dew. Seeing him out of bed and speaking to you was a sign that you’d gotten through to him a little. You placed your hands on the cool, wet stones of the wall and waited for him to speak. Instead, his strong arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you close, his face burying into your neck and inhaling your scent. A long sigh left you as you savored the feeling of him being close once more. “I missed you so much, Wrecker.” Your heart clenched as the words left you. So much fear and anxiety over what was happening to him out there was breaking free from you and you were doing all you could to keep from crying.

But of course, he saw through you.

“I’m sorry it took so long to get back to you. That I didn’t message you to let you know what was happening.” He felt you shift in his arms and your jaw moved to say something. Squeezing your side, he stopped the words so he could continue. “I should have been honest with you about what had happened and our plan moving forward. When we lost Tech it felt like everything had come crashing down. That everything I’ve known since I could walk was suddenly wrong. I wasn’t strong enough, I wasn’t brave enough, I didn’t catch him.” You wiggled in his arms and turned to face him, your sweet eyes watering as you listened to him. “Then the person we went to for help betrayed us and we lost Omega and it just reaffirmed that I wasn’t able to keep the ones I cared for safe.” His thumb ran across your cheek slowly, moving the tears away. “It made me worried that I wouldn’t be able to keep you safe as well.”

“Those thoughts are powerful, aren’t they?” You nuzzled into his hand and savored the feeling of his touch.

Wrecker nodded before continuing. “I felt it the most yesterday when we neared Pabu. When I realized that we’d need to tell Chai what happened…and you. I couldn’t face you being disappointed in me. I made a promise to keep you and everyone else safe…I failed, Stitches.” His hand slipped into yours and held it tight. “But then last night, you said so much that made me realize how I hadn’t failed, that it was my brain telling me I had.” Pulling you into his arms, he hugged you. “Thank you for sharing with me what happened. It made me feel like you understand what’s happening in here.” He tapped the side of his head. “Will you…continue to stay by my side? I don’t think I’m back to normal yet.”

So he had heard you last night. Your words had gotten through to him and you’d finally shared your story with him. His request made you smile softly. “Oh my love, I’ll always be by your side. However long it takes.” Your hand rested above his heart and for a moment you thought you felt it beat faster.

‘My love’ there were those words again. His forehead pressed against yours as he closed his eyes. “I love you.” He hadn’t meant to say it so suddenly. But the way you called him ‘My love’ just unlocked something within him. Yes, he was your love and you were his. He wouldn’t leave Pabu again, not without you.

A surprised giggle left you while he nuzzled against your forehead. “Hey, I was supposed to say that first. I’ve been planning on saying it for weeks now.” But it did feel amazing to hear him say it.

Wrecker chuckled softly while brushing his lips against yours. “Do you want me to take it back so you can say it first?”

You quickly shook your head while biting your lip. “No way. You’ll just have to think of a way to make it up to me.”

“Oh, I could think of a few ways.” Wrecker nipped at your bottom lip while lifting you off the ground.

“Are you two going to kiss?” Omega's voice broke the romantic air around the two of you. She’s been woken up by the loss of warmth from your body. “Does ‘I love you’ mean you two are going to get married now?”

“Omega!” Wrecker shook his head. Apparently, Omega had also been dipping into Hunter's romance holos. He pressed his lips against yours for a moment, savoring the early morning taste of your lips. Lips that he’d missed so much while he was gone. How could he truly think the owner of these lips would think him weak or a failure? After a few delicious moments against your lips, he pulled away. “Sorry about her.”

Your head spun from the way he kissed you. How those strong arms held you off the ground so easily and how it felt like every nerve in your body was reactivating after being in a long sleep. “It’s ’Kay.” Was mumbled from you as you tried to stop yourself from taking his lips back into yours. Making out in front of his sister wasn’t exactly on your list of things to do. He set you back down on the ground where you stumbled slightly before regaining your footing. With a quick fix of your hair, you cleared your throat and hoped that your cheeks weren’t too red. “It just means that we care about one another a lot.”

“And that we need to go over what Tech says about listening’ to other people’s conversations.” Wrecker bit his lip as he realized what he’d said. The last thing he wanted to do was remind the fragile child that he was gone. “Omega…”

“It’s ok.” She moved across the grass and stood next to the two of you. “Tech would have lectured me about how it’s not ok to eavesdrop and that it tends to lead to misunderstandings or hurt feelings.” The young blonde's throat began to tighten, tears trying to force their way out of her. Your smooth hand slid into hers making her look up at you.

There was a hitch to her voice that let you know she was fighting the urge to cry. “It’s okay to cry.” Brown eyes stared into yours, surprise resting inside of them. “It’s okay to yell, scream, punch something, and even swear. Though, maybe do that here only, don’t need to freak poor Hunter out. No matter what, it’s better than holding it all in and letting it build up.” You led her over to the chairs and motioned for her to sit down. When she did, you continued. “It took me weeks to talk about what happened when my parents died. During that time I became angry at the ones who just wanted to help me. One day I stubbed my toe in Phee’s kitchen and I just…collapsed. Everything came rushing out of me. I screamed and cried and broke a fair number of plates that I’m still paying her back for. After I had calmed down though, I realized how much lighter I felt. Keeping it all bottled up was making me heavier and angrier.”

“Every time I hear his name I start to get sad again.” Her small thumb stroked the back of yours while she looked at your hands. “Will that ever go away?” You mentioned your parents a lot and didn’t seem too upset when you did. How long would it be until she got to that point?

You hummed in thought for a moment before nodding. “It’s different for everyone. It took me a long time to hear my parents name or even look at pictures of them. Most days are good and I can easily talk about them with others or think about the good times. But I still have some bad days. If I walk by my father's favorite fishing spot or smell something that reminds me of my mother's perfume I’ll have a moment.” Large thick fingers threaded through your free hand and held it gently.

Omega wondered how long it would take for her to reach that point. To be able to step foot on the marauder without breaking down. She missed her brother so much. Sure he was hard on her when it came to her studies, but she always knew he just wanted her to be smart. “Other than that, you’re ok?” She watched you shift awkwardly.

“Well…yes and no.” Omega raised an eyebrow to your response and you realized it was time to be honest. “Because of what happened, I developed a fear…of starships.” You swallowed. “I haven’t left the planet since my parents' death.”

“Not even once?” The blonde's eyes widened at the new information. “You’ve never wanted to leave?” She wasn’t entirely sure what had happened to make you afraid to leave the planet, but as someone who never left her home until recently, she found it hard to believe you never wanted to leave.

You pulled your hands from both Omega and Wrecker before slapping your thighs and standing up. “Oh I’ve wanted to leave, but every time I step on a ship I begin to panic and have to step off.” It was hard to explain to a child, even one as brilliant as Omega, it was all so delicate.

Wrecker had remembered you stating you hadn’t left the planet since their death, but he hadn’t realized it was due to fear and not desire. After what happened though, could he blame you? He couldn’t bring your parents back or get revenge on the pirates who’d killed them. But perhaps he could help in other ways. “How about we continue this later?” He stood and walked behind you, his arm circling your waist and pulling you close. “I’m starving and have missed the best food in the galaxy.”

Stars, bless this man for changing the topic. A lump had formed in your throat throughout the entirety of this conversation and you had found yourself drawn to that edge of sadness once more. But you hadn’t wanted to make this day about your sadness. You’d wanted to make it about getting them to be a little bit better. “I put the rest of your clothes in your room last night, Omega. How about you go try one of the outfits on? Wrecker and I need to wash up before I start cooking.”

“Is that code for you two wanting some alone time?” Why couldn’t the adults just say they wanted alone time? Why did they have to be so cryptic about it? “You know, one day I’ll be old enough to talk with the adults too.”

“You will, and when that happens we’ll have lots to talk about.” Your hand ran against her cheek gently. “I’ll even braid your hair like I did that day at the beach if you want me to?”

Well, she did like how her hair looked that day. “Fine.” With a huff, she crossed her arms and headed back into the house.

Only once he was sure she was gone did Wrecker decide to speak, though it was more like a whisper. “I’m afraid of heights.” He held you close as he shared his fear with you. You’d shared yours and it only seemed right. “Not the height itself, but the fall that could happen.”

“I figured.” Your arms snaked around his waist and held him close. “Thanks for changing the topic. Thought I’d be ok, guess I was wrong.”

Wrecker nuzzled your cheek while threading his fingers through your hair. “Just shows that you're still healing as well.”

You hadn’t realized it the night before, but he hadn’t shaved in a while and now his stubble was tickling your skin. “Thank the stars I have you here to help me then.” Raising your hand to his cheek, you let your fingers dance against his stubble. “I like this.”

He’d be here to help you however he could, just like you’d vowed to be there for him. “Yeah? Think I should keep it?” He rubbed his chin in thought.

Now there was a thought. “Hmmm, maybe. But we should probably make sure I like it everywhere.”

“Think you’ll like it less on the docks?” He wasn't exactly sure he was following her reasoning.

Stars, he was adorable. “We can definitely give it a go down at the docks one night.” A mischievous grin crossed your lips as you pulled him down and into a kiss. “But I was thinking we should try it out in the bedroom first.”

It was like a brick had hit him in the head. “Oh,” that made so much sense now that he thought about it. He lifted you into his arms easily, your legs wrapping around his waist, while pressing his lips against yours. “Anywhere in particular you were thinking about in there?” He watched you bite your lip in excitement, the gesture causing him to realize how loose-fitting the pajama pants truly were. “Better hope Omega is in her room.” A growl came from him as he tried to adjust himself.

“Put me down and I’ll go check.” You wiggled against him but froze when you felt something rub against your heat. “Oh.”

You were the only thing blocking his growing member from view. “I just realized how long it’s been since I came with you.” His lips ran against your ear making you shiver in his arms. Wrecker loved knowing he had this effect on you.

It had been almost a month since your last call with each other. After being told Hunter and the others knew about what happened, it had made things awkward. Your head fell forward and rested against his neck as he continued to nip at your ear. “I’ve been dying to feel you in me again.” His big hand squeezed your ass making you moan into his neck, your teeth dragging against his skin. His hips rolled against you and you whined softly.

Wrecker moved far faster than he thought possible as he carried you towards the bedroom, only glancing briefly around the living room and hallway to see if Omega was around. The shut door to the girl's room let him know she was in there currently. Your door shut with a hiss before the click of the lock could be heard. “Now, be a good girl and be as silent as a mouse. Don’t want ‘mega to hear those cute little noises you make.”

Something about the way he demanded you be a good girl had you turning to absolute putty in his hands as he deposited you onto the bed. The tent in his pants left very little to the imagination with how loose you’d made them. You licked your lips in anticipation of the fun about to happen but a flash in his eyes made your head clear for a moment. “Wrecker?”

The large clone was in the process of crawling up the bed towards you when he heard the trepidation in your voice. “Are you okay?”

“I was going to ask you the same thing. We don’t..” His lips pressed against yours to silence you. It wasn’t a kiss like he usually gave you, filled with sweetness and love. This was a kiss of desperation filled with the need to be grounded. For something to be in his control and go right. “Take what you need, my love.”

His lips brushed against your skin and peppered needy kisses from your ear to your throat. Fingers pulled at the shirt you wore, desperation radiating off of him with each kiss. You rubbed your leg against the inside of his, drawing a low growl that made your pussy clench. The cool air of your room hit your skin as Wrecker nearly ripped your shirt off, your shorts following soon after. You whimpered beneath his touch, the feeling almost animalistic.

“Love this body.” Wrecker kissed the dip in your throat before moving to the valley between your breasts. “Love your breasts.” He kissed each one to emphasize his words. “Love your laugh.” His lips brushed the sensitive skin of your stomach, making you giggle softly. “Love your kriffin scent.” His face found the space between your legs and without hesitation, he buried his face within the safety of your thighs. He inhaled deeply and felt his cock twitch at the needy scent of your heat. “And this pussy. Kriff. This pussy is everything I’ve dreamed about. I fucking love it so much.” He dragged his tongue slowly across your lips causing you to gasp and writhe beneath him. His hand rested on your stomach, holding you down before he removed himself from between your legs. Large brown eyes stared up at you for a moment before he crawled up your body and kissed you once more. “Most importantly, I love you.”

You could taste yourself on his lips and it turned you on so much. How were you supposed to be silent when he kissed and licked you so perfectly? Fuck, how would you be silent when he started fucking you! Your arms wrapped around his neck and held his face close to yours while you stared into his adoring eye. When he said he loved you it just did something to your heart. Your nails trailed across the nape of his neck, stroking the tender flesh as you pulled him into another deep kiss. Tongues danced with one another while he rutted against you, your taste continuing to make you squirm. “I love you, Wrecker. So much.” Was whispered between light kisses.

Wrecker could listen to you tell him how much you loved him all day, every day. His hand gripped yours above your head and squeezed it tightly for a moment before he lowered himself to the glistening prize between your legs once more. “Now, let’s see if you’ll enjoy this.” A long lick was pressed against your folds before he fully buried his face within. His arms moved under your thighs and pulled your legs tight around his head causing his stubble to rub your skin.

“Fuuuck” was all you could manage to drawl as the stimulation from his stubble and his tongue drove you absolutely mad. You felt his tongue stop moving, making you whine at the sudden stillness. “W-why?”

He placed a nip against the delicate flesh of your inner thigh. “Told ya to be quiet, Sarad. Every time ya get too loud, I’ll stop.”

It was so unfair! How did he expect you to be so quiet when his tongue was so wonderful? “Please.” You tried to squeak the words out in hushed tones. He nipped the inside of your thigh once more, making your hand fly to your mouth to suppress the desperate cry that escaped.

“Much better.” Grumbled from the clone as he returned his lips to yours. He suckled your clit for a moment, savoring the way you squirmed against his hold.

The way he sucked and licked you was nearly pushing you over your edge already. The added stimulation from his growing beard was almost too much. You cried and moaned into your wrist as you bit the flesh trying to silence yourself. He was just too amazing at what he was doing and the moment that tongue of his slipped into your cunt, you were done. You clenched and wailed around his tongue as you orgasmed for the first time in nearly a month. It was intense and blinding and even though he said he would stop if you became too loud, he didn’t. He allowed you to come in a muffled scream that was probably just a dash too loud, but fuck if you cared. All that mattered right now was savoring and riding the delicious high he was sending through you.

Maker, did he love it when you clenched around him. Whether it was his tongue, fingers, or his cock. Whenever you did it it made him feel amazing. But he was a weak man and his own needs were growing uncomfortable. He lapped at your release like a man dying of dehydration, so sweet and explosive on his tongue. Light years better than anything he’d tasted before, even his precious Mantell mix. Sitting back on his heels, he wiped the slick from his beard before licking the essence from his fingers with one hand while the other began to untie his pants. “Let’s see if you can stay quiet while ya take my cock, goddess.”

You watched in hungry desire as he stood from the bed and pulled his pants off, his shirt following right after. His cock bounced with each step he took back to you making you squirm in anticipation. Raising your hand towards him, you moved to grab his cock and offer your assistance. But he grabbed your hand and pinned it above your head easily. “Might need your help staying quiet.” You wiggled and whined as the head of his cock teased your entrance. Already your desire was growing at the thought of him finally being inside you. There was something about the length and girth of him that just hit everything right.

Wrecker smirked while hiking your thighs around his waist. He leaned over your torso and pressed a hard kiss to your lips. His hand snaked down between your bodies and played with your bud for a moment, eliciting more muffled whines from you. “Such sexy little noises from these lovely lips.” Grabbing his cock, he rubbed the tip against your release and lubed himself up before pressing against your entrance. “Not a sound, Sarad. Be a good girl and you’ll get all of this.”

“Mmmm. Stop teasing.” Left you in a begging whisper. He only smirked at you while slowly, almost painfully slow, he pushed into you. Grunts and moans left you both as he slowly stretched you, the pain turning into pleasure with each gentle thrust. Even when he was desperate, he was gentle. Within moments he was bottoming out inside of you, filling you to the brim with just his cock and you swore your belly was bulging from it. Wrecker moved his hand to your cheek and gently stroked the smooth skin as he allowed you to adjust to his size.

“Okay?” He knew his size was big and no matter how many times the two of you fucked you would still need time to adjust to him. While he gave you a moment, he took the time to admire your sweet face. The way your lips curved so you always looked like you were smiling and how your eyes stared into his eyes with absolute love. Maker, he’d never get over how incredibly stunning you were and how much you cared for him. After a moment, you nodded and shifted closer to him. Indicating that you were ready for him to continue. “Not gonna lie to ya. Just being inside this tight pussy of yours already has me close. Been far too long without ya.”

You loved how honest he was being with you. “Trust me.” A whimper left you as he pulled away slowly just to sink back in with a loud thump. Your bodies slapped against one another and you swore it was loud enough for the girl to hear. “You being in me is already driving me close.” He thrust into you as you finished your sentence making you gasp loudly. His hand flew to your mouth to quiet you and it felt like something new was suddenly unlocked.

Wrecker watched through lidded eyes as you suddenly took the hand covering your mouth, turned it slightly, and took three of his fingers into your mouth. His eyes fluttered as your tongue began to work his fingers like you were working his cock. “Fuck, Sarad. That’s right. Suck on these fingers, keep that pretty mouth n-nice and bu-“ his words cut off as your pussy clenched around him sending a wave of pleasure through his system. Between the stimulation of your tongue on his sensitive fingertips and your pussy holding him just right, he was about to fall over the edge and cum.

“Ah. W-Wrecker.” He was hitting that spot inside you just right. The words left you in a quiet garbled mess thanks to the fingers in your throat at this point. The forced silence added to the pleasure building within you and as another garbled cry of pleasure left your lips, you swore you felt his cock twitch inside of you. Large arms wrapped around your body and pulled you into a sitting position with him. Sitting in his lap now, you felt his cock rub that spongy part inside you perfectly making you bounce in his lap in desperation. Thick fingers dug into your side as he helped you with leverage as well as force. Every time you rose off of him, he used his strength to impale you once more.

Something shifted inside Wrecker as he continued to impale you on his cock. The desperation for his release became too much. His arms wrapped around your body and held you close while his speed and ferocity increased. Your face fell into his shoulder where you bit into his flesh in hopes of muffling your ecstasy-filled screams. The feeling of your pussy clenching around him as you orgasmed was enough to push him over his edge and quickly he was cumming with you in a crazed blinding flash. His thrusts stuttered but continued their brutal pace as he pumped you full of his seed, wanting every drop possible to cover your walls.

You moaned as the pleasure became pain from the overstimulation he’d given you. “W-wrecker. Ah.” His face was in the crook of your neck and you could hear him muttering something repetitively as he practically fucked his seed out of you. Pushing through the pain, you strained to understand what he was saying and after only a few moments you’re finally we’re able to make sense.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry I failed.”

“I need to be stronger.”

“Need to protect you. To deserve you.”

The words were repeated until you stroked the back of his head and softly cooed his name. It was like he was broken out of whatever trance he’d been in. Wrecker looked down at his lap and inhaled sharply at the obscene mess there. Combined release soaked his legs and your thighs while drops of blood littered your sides where he’d been gripping you fiercely earlier. “Sarad, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He moved to pull away from you and give you space. But your ankles locked behind his back and held him close. “Please… I’ve…I’ve hurt you.”

“All the more reason for you to stay still and make it better.” You stroked the side of his cheek carefully while trying to get him to look at you. “Wrecker, I’m ok. Tender. But I’m ok.”

He couldn’t look at you right now, not after being as rough as he had been with you. “B-but. You’re bleeding.” Moving his thumb to your side, he stroked one of the nail punctures. You winced slightly and his heart dropped. He’d hurt you when he was supposed to be protecting and loving you. Gentle fingers wiped away a few of the tears that had escaped his eyes. He hadn’t realized he’d started crying

“I bleed a lot from work and other reasons. I’m ok, my love. I promise.” Your nose ran across the tip of his trying to get him to make eye contact with you. When he finally looked at you, you smiled softly. “I will say that sex may have to wait a few more days. Think I’ll be unable to sit for a while.” He opened his mouth to apologize once more but you raised a finger to his lips, silencing him. “But I loved every moment of it.” His bottom lip quivered as you continued to speak. “You deserve me, Wrecker.”

So you had heard him while he was in his trance. You stated that he deserved you and it broke something within him making him crumble into your shoulder. Cries and sobs shook from the gentle giant still slotted between your legs, your hands rubbing his back the entire time. “He was right there. If I had been stronger I could have pulled him up. I could have saved him.”

Omega had told you what little she knew about what had happened before Tech had fallen. “You were being fired at by enemies. The tram was about to fall. You did all you could.” Wrecker shook in your arms and you shushed him softly. He needed to get this out of his system, to do what you’d told Omega to do earlier. Cry.

He tried to listen to your words and truly understand what you were saying. But the darkness in his mind was telling him that he’d failed his brother and your friend. Your poor friend who’d never get to know how much Tech cared for her. Whose scream of anguish he’d never get out of his head.“But Chai…”

“Chai will understand with time. She’s hurt right now, as we all are, but she understood the risk you were all putting yourselves in. Just like I did.” Leaving back, you pulled his head from your shoulder and stroked his cheek once more. “That’s why we care for you so much and why I love you. You’re soldiers and protectors who put those you care for first.” You pressed your forehead against his and hummed for a moment. “Please. Take what you need from me to help you.” All you wanted at this point was to give him whatever support you could.

Wrecker sighed against your forehead, his nose brushing against the tip of yours. “All I need right now is for you to be safe.”

Your lips pressed against his in one of the most passionate kisses you’d shared with him so far. It made your eyes flutter and your heart skip a beat. His hands cradled your face protectively as he finally freed you from his grasp, a few shaky sobs leaving him still. This wonderful, sweet, perfect man was being so vulnerable in your arms right now. Gentle fingers rubbed his tears away as you pulled back and smiled at him with tears in your eyes. “With you here, I am safe.”

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