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danceswithsporks · 1 month ago

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Awake- Part 10

Crosshair X InnKeeper!FemReader

Parts 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

**Not Canon to Season 3**

Chapter Summary: The truth is finally revealed.

Authors Notes: It’s finally here! After not 1, not 2, but 3 complete rewrites. Two breakdowns and one serious consideration of giving up. It’s done. I’m so unbelievably sorry for how long this took to come out. I just couldn’t seem to settle on how I wanted this chapter to play out.

This is currently my longest chapter by a solid 7k characters over the last longest one. (Part 8 I believe) So please strap in and prepare yourselves for a long emotional chapter!

**Im so sorry for any issues with the font or anything. With the new character limit on tumblr I’m having to figure out a new way to post these long fics.**

Awake, part of the sniper truly wished he wasn’t awake right now. He wanted so badly for this to be a nightmare. That way he could wake up and you still would care about him. But instead he was very much awake, sitting on a crate next to you. The two of you had been staring out at the clouds that glowed from the light of the sun, silence surrounding you both.

Your caf had gone cold, sitting forgotten on the edge of the platform. How much time had passed since he’d agreed to tell you everything? It had to have been at least thirty minutes. You honestly didn’t care, the last thing you wanted was to rush him. If what you had read about the situation with Mayday had been anything like what he was going to tell you then you knew this would be hard.

With the sun now in the sky, it had heated up to a comfortable temperature. You reached up and unlatched the cloak from around your throat and began to shrug it off. Tentative hands reached over and helped you pull it off, letting it pool on the crate around you. “Thank you, Crosshair.” Came from you in a whisper.

“Of course, Doll.” He looked back out at the clouds for a moment. The two of you couldn’t sit out here like this forever. “Doll? Can I ask for a favor? Before we begin?”

You turned and looked at him. “Of course. Anything.”

Crosshair looked at you with worry filled eyes. “Kiss me?” Just one last kiss before everything crumbled. One last kiss before he lost you forever.

Why did that request make your heart drop? “Of course.” You slid closer to him and tilted your head up. Instead of his usual fast and hard kisses, this one was slow and filled with more emotions than you’d ever felt from him. You sighed softly while cupping his cheek with one of your hands while the other was placed over his heart. Why? Why did this kiss feel so different? So…

Sad?

The two of you kissed for nearly an eternity until he finally pulled away. Crosshair stayed close enough for the tip of his nose to touch yours. He took in every possible detail about you from your hair, to your eyes, your smile and your nose. His hands ran up and down your arms a few times before he pulled you into a tight embrace.

He held you close as he began.

“ Ya remember everything I told ya about Order 66? How I had no control?” He felt your head nod against his chest.

Not only did you remember what he’d described, you’d also heard from Cody and Howzer what it had been like.

“What did Crosshair tell you about Order 66? What did he describe?” Cody watched as you shifted slightly.

“That he didn’t have any control and that it was like watching himself through a window.” Your leg began to bounce. “He said that because of it, clones all across the galaxy turned on their Jedi and anyone associated with them. Even the children.” A thought that still haunted you and made your stomach twist. You looked at the both of them wondering if either of them had killed children.

Howzer let out a long breath. “He’s right. I was one of the lucky clones. My Jedi had died before that and we hadn’t been assigned a new one yet.” His deep brown eyes looked at Cody. “Others, not so much.”

You followed his gaze. “You don’t hav-“ Cody shook his head and stopped you before you could finish your sentence.

“Kix has said it’s better that we openly talk about it. Instead of keeping it locked up.” He sighed and reached into his pocket, pulling out his datapad. “My General was by far one of the best there ever was. He was smart, wise and brave.” Cody let out a long sigh. “I loved him.” Tapping his screen, an image of him and a man with auburn hair and a matching beard appeared. Both men were smiling with their foreheads pressed together. They looked so happy together.

“He’s very handsome.” You spoke softly while reaching over and taking his free hand in yours.

Cody squeezed your hand gently. “He was.” His eyes didn’t leave the holo. “We were in the middle of battle on Utapau when we received the order. I had just handed him his lightsaber when we got the call.” A light chuckle left the clone commander. “He was always losing it. He’d tell the others that their lightsabers were their lives and yet I think he dropped it more than the others.” Cody looked down at his hip where a lightsaber hook still sat. Even after all this time, he couldn’t remove it.

You let a soft smile form on your lips. It reminded you of how Stitches would always misplace something. The man took a shuttered breath before continuing.

“One moment I was watching him ride off on his Boga, laughing at the way that man had lost his damn saber again, and then the next I was locked behind a soundproof window. Banging, screaming and pleading with my body as it gave the order to shoot him.” He closed his eyes, trying to fight back tears. “I watched the man I love fall to his death at my orders.”

Howzer reached over and squeezed his vods shoulder gently. “So many others out there have the same stories.” He thought about Bly and General Secura.

You couldn’t stop yourself from reaching up and placing a hand on Cody’s cheek. “Was it common for one of you to fall in love with your Jedi?”

“Could you blame us?” Cody released your hand and raised it to touch the other one. “We spent all of our time with them. Got to know each and everyone of them. Every part of them and their personalities. There of course were the ones that saw us as nothing but fodder. But they were a minority against those who cared about us.” He appreciated the kindness and sympathy you were passing to him.

“Not everyone fell for their Jedi.” Howzer hummed softly. “Fox fell for Senator Chuchi.” He still remembered the day Fox told him and the others that he and Riyo had secretly gotten married. “Married her two standard weeks before everything happened.”

Fox? You’d heard that name before. “He’s the one all of you are trying to find. Right?”

Cody had put his datapad away. “He is. Senator Chuchi has done a lot for the rebellion and the Path. It’s the least we can do to pay her back.”

Your eyes went wide. You had known that they’d been working on something secret and dangerous. But the rebellion! It all made so much sense now! “What’s the Path?” Both men looked at each other before looking at you warily. You rolled your eyes. “Chai is doing something top secret. Stitches is making a bunch of clothes for men, women and children. I seem to be the only one not on the up and up. So what is it and how can I help?”

Howzer couldn’t resist smirking. You didn’t shy away from anything it seemed. No wonder Crosshair had fallen for you. The teal clone chuckled for a moment before hearing the terminal near them beep. Standing up, he walked over to it and tapped a few buttons. After a quiet moment, the screen became filled with information and an image of a clone trooper. “Rex can tell ya about it later.” Howzer stepped to the side so you could see. “Maydays file just arrived.”

“I had to watch as my body did horrendous things.” He buried his face into your hair, taking the scent in. Trying to engrave it into his memory. What he was about to say would end all of this. “Doll…” he held you tight. “I killed so many civilians.”

You tensed against him. “B-but not children…right? You said you didn’t kill any children.” Right? Right!

Crosshair closed his eyes, this was it. “Not Jedi children…” He felt your arms release him, but you didn’t try to pull away.

“What happened?” Your arms hung at your side as his words settled in.

“ After Order 66, we returned to Kamino to find that things had drastically changed. The Empire had taken over and was quickly changing everything. They wanted to test us, see how loyal we truly were.” Crosshair waited for you to pull away, to put distance between the two of you. But you didn’t. Instead you seemed to move closer to him. “So they sent us to take care of some insurgents. We thought that meant droids. Instead, we found refugees. Men, women, and children on the run. We also found Saw Gerrera.”

You don’t know why, but your blood ran cold and your arms suddenly wrapped around his waist tightly. “Th-then what happened?”

Crosshair sighed. “Hunter let them escape. We thought that would be the last we’d ever see of him.”

“But it wasn’t.” You couldn’t bring yourself to look at him. Not yet. You needed to hear the rest of what he had to say.

“No. It wasn’t.” He took a shuttered breath. “After we returned to Kamino, things changed. The others were imprisoned and I was taken to the infirmary. While Tarkin enhanced my chip, the others made an escape with Omega.” He could still remember the shock he felt when she actually shot his rifle from his hands. He’d truly underestimated the girl. “After that, the Empire started recruiting actual civilians for their army. I was assigned my own squad. Our first mission they sent us to track down Gerrera.”

“Your own squad?” So he had been in command?

Crosshair nodded. “A bunch of civilians who thought they were fighting the right fight. We tracked down Gerrera and moved in to apprehend them. But by the time we got there, he was gone. All we found was another group of refugees.” As much as it pained him to do it, he released you and stepped away. “Doll…I…I’m so sorry to tell you this.”

Your bottom lip began to tremble as he continued to talk. How many times had you told him that you wouldn’t judge him? That he wasn’t a horrible man? All you wanted now was for him to stop talking. The absolute fear taking you over right now was on the verge of making you sick. “C-Crosshair?” Tears began to streak down your face. Please don’t say it. Please.

“I…I killed them all. Even the children.” The cry you let out as you collapsed in shock to the ground would haunt him for the rest of his life. He stepped towards you but stopped. What was he supposed to say? What was he supposed to do?

“Why?” It came out in a choked sob.

This is what he’d been afraid of. “Because they wouldn’t tell us where he’d gone. Doll, I need you to understand that I didn’t want to do it. “

“I…I know.” You did. You truly did. But it still… “Please. I need a minute.”

He watched you stand up and walk inside before he could even answer. “Doll, I’m sorry.” Crosshair felt something roll down his cheek. He refused to touch it.

The sniper already knew what it was.

-*-

You rushed towards… somewhere. Anywhere! It was like your feet couldn’t move fast enough!

“Doll?” Echo stopped in the middle of the main room, surprised to see you rushing through.

With zero hesitation, you rushed across the room and buried your face into the clone's chest. “Echo.” You couldn’t help it. You needed someone right now.

Echo had not expected that! The way you had choked out his name had made it clear you needed someone though. He did hold his arms up in shock however. “What’s going on? Where’s Crosshair?”

“Echo?” Howzer looked up from the terminal he was at. “Oh no.” He walked over to the two of you. “Doll? Did the two of you talk?” You nodded against Echos chest. “He told you about what happened while he was under the chip?” Another nod. “Do you want to talk about it?” You shrugged. “Come on.” He motioned towards the table you’d sat up earlier.

“I’m gonna go check on Crosshair.” Echo carefully ran a protective hand over your hair for a moment. “Is that okay?” You nodded against his chest as another sob left you. “I’ll be back in a little bit.” After another moment, he felt you pull away. Echo took a step back and allowed Howzer to step into his place.

Howzer pulled you close and rubbed your arm gently. “Come on, burc’ya.”

-*-

“Crosshair.” Echo stood a few feet behind the sniper. “What did you tell her?”

Crosshair sat on the edge of the platform staring out at the clouds around them. “Everything I could.”

Echo took a deep breath before walking over to the edge as well. It took him a moment to sit down but when he did, he let his leg dangle over the edge. “What does that mean? What exactly did you tell her?”

“About the refugees on Onderon.” He didn’t look at his vod.

“The ones we let go?” Why would you be upset about that?

The sniper shuttered a breath. “No. The ones I killed in cold blood.”

Echo blinked a few times. “All of them?” No. He couldn’t have.

“All of them. The men, women, and ….children.” Everytime he said it or thought about it, it made him sick. He was a monster. His sad brown eyes slid down and looked at the long drop below him. You were inside crying because of him. He’d destroyed your perception of him. Even worse, he hurt you. It would be so easy to just…fall.

Oh Kriff. That…that was worse than he expected. Echo puffed his cheeks and let out a long whistle. “Well that…yeah that��s…a lot.” Oh man. There might not be any coming back from that.

“Did I make the mistake of telling her?” He’d wanted to be honest with you for so long. But this…was it truly worth revealing who he really was to you?

This was the most vulnerable Echo had ever seen the sniper. He’d always held this strong and confident air. Being imprisoned had truly changed him. You had truly changed him. “Depends. How much do you care about her?”

Crosshair took a long breath as he thought about your smile, your laugh, the way you always seemed to know he needed you and the way you never judged him. “More than I realized.”

“Then I think you know the answer.”

-*-

“All of you?” You looked at Cody and Howzer. Across the room Rex was speaking to someone at the holotable. A conversation that you couldn’t hear.

Howzer nodded solemnly while crossing his arms. “Yeah.” He sighed. “So many of us had to sit back in our own minds and watch our bodies attack civilians. Take over planets we’d previously rescued and imprison those we’d liberated. His amber eyes turned towards Rex. “Almost all of us.”

You followed his gaze. “He didn’t? Was his chip removed before it happened?”

Cody shook his head. “He fought it. The activation. Fought it long enough to give his Jedi a chance.” Well…kind of Jedi. It was a weird thing that he honestly didn’t want to dive into. “She used that chance to isolate him and remove his chip.”

“But how did he fight it?” You watched the blonde walk across the room to a different terminal.

“He had a warning.” Echo’s voice from behind you made you jump slightly. “Sorry for spooking ya.” He placed a gentle hand on your shoulder before stepping around the crate and sitting next to you. “You okay?” He asked softly, reaching up and brushing a strand of your hair out of your face.

“Kind of. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it. Understand it all.” You let out a sad sigh. “Is he…okay?”

Echo took a moment before nodding. “He will be.”

Well that was something, right? “What did you mean that he had a warning? Rex, that is.”

“Fives, my twin.” Echo pulled out his datapad and pulled up a holo of him, Rex, Cody and Fives from Rishi, his favorite picture. He passed the device to you.

Wow, Fives and him looked so much alike. Yes, clones all looked alike. But the sets of twins, you really understood now why they were called that. Tech and Crosshair looked alike, especially in the eyes, and now you could see how Echo and Fives did as well. It was the smile. They shared the same smile. If you tried to explain this to anyone who didn’t really know the clones then they’d think you were crazy. But something told you that Chai and Stitches would understand. A little chuckle left you as your eyes slid to Cody. “Weird seeing you without a beard.” You joked softly.

Cody shrugged. “Gotta admit, it grew on me.” A long groan came from Howzer. The Marshal Commander couldn’t help but smile. Obi-wan would have been proud of the joke.

“That was so bad.” You shook your head with a slight smile. In a way it felt wrong to smile while talking about something so dark. But it helped the pain in your heart subside a little. Taking a breath, you looked back at Echo. “How did he find out?”

“Well…”

-*-

“Crosshair?” You stood in the doorway of the landing pad once more. The sun was now beginning to set. You felt bad that you’d left him out here this long. But you’d needed time to wrap your head around what he’d told you and what the others had said as well.

“Fives had learned about the chip after one of our brothers', Tup’s, chips malfunctioned and activated early. Tup killed his Jedi General. Fives thought something was off about the situation. So he started investigating things. Long story short, he figured out Order 66 and that Palpatine was behind it. Tried to warn Rex and our General. But Palpatine had him neutralized.” Echo stared at Rex. “Rex filed a complaint revealing what Fives told him. When the order came through, Rex was able to resist it. I think that was because of what my twin told him. Ahsoka helped remove his chip. Ever since then, Rex has been helping other clones remove theirs.”

One of the clones had known prior to Order 66 happening and had tried to warn everyone. But no one believed him. So much sadness, pain, and death was caused because no one believed that soldier. You could see it in the eyes of every clone you passed here that they all carried the weight of their actions under the chips deep within them. It seemed it had been threaded into their entire being like their own DNA was. It would take a long time for them to recover from those horrors. You stared at Crosshair as he looked over his shoulder at you. But what if… what if some didn’t recover at all? How many would be driven to insanity…or worse if they couldn’t recover.

Would he be one of them?

The thought practically destroyed you to think about. His eyes met with yours and you realized that your legs couldn’t move. You thought you could do this. You thought you could handle talking to him more and learning why Saw Garrera had affected him so harshly. But looking into those brown eyes that held so much sadness and guilt, killed you. With a soft gasp, you turned around and buried your face into your hands. You weren’t strong enough to do this. You’d failed him.

“Doll” Crosshair spoke carefully as he stood from the edge of the landing pad. His steps to you were careful, like he was approaching a scared mouse. The sniper worried that one wrong step would have you fleeing back inside.

You could hear his footsteps getting closer to you. Your brain screamed at you to run away. To protect yourself from even more sadness. But your heart reminded you of why you were feeling this way. You had asked to know what he’d gone through. Why he thought so little of himself. This was your chance. “I…I don’t think I can look at you yet.”

Crosshair stopped just a few feet from you. “I see.” He shouldn’t have been surprised that you feared him now. Maybe even hated him. He’d revealed the horrors that he’d done.

“B-but I want to know the rest.” You reached your hand out behind you.

Crosshair took it instantly. “Doll, you don’t have to.” He looked down at your trembling hand.

You shook your head quickly. “I want to, Crosshair. Please. Tell me it all.” A squeeze was passed to his hand from yours.

“I understand.” Not really. Why? Why would you want to continue putting yourself through this pain? Why would you want to keep hurting yourself listening to what he’d been through? You didn’t deserve this. He was hurting you by telling you.

What kind of man was he?

“Then please, don’t hide any of it?” You asked softly while slowly backing towards him. It only took a few steps for you to meet his body. With a gentle tug, you pulled his hand around you so it would hold your waist. His other hand followed suit.

Crosshair didn’t hesitate to hold you close to him. His hands slid from your waist to your stomach and overlapped. He buried his face into your neck, closed his eyes and took a long deep breath. You didn’t smell like you usually did. Like the inn, your perfume, your shampoo or even your bed. No, you smelled like dirt, caf and clone. He hated it. All he wanted at this moment was to get you home but he knew that if he didnt take this chance to fully open up to you. That he never would.

-*-

The two of you stood there for another hour as Crosshair told you about the next missions he went on. He explained how he’d hunted his brothers and sister down mercilessly. Following them everywhere he could in hopes of getting rid of them and bringing Omega back to the Empire. He explained how he’d followed them to the shipyard where they were having their chips removed and the resulting incident that gave him his burn scar.

It was also what began his freedom from their hold.

“My chip was damaged after that. So I had it removed. As far as the Empire was concerned, I was so fiercely loyal to them that the chip wouldn’t be needed anymore anyway. “ He couldn’t help but actually chuckle at that. “They underestimated the mental strength of a clone though. It didn’t happen right away. But as the months ticked by I became stronger than the programming. The removal of my chip had disillusioned me to what side the Empire was really on. The more missions I went on and the more orders I was given, the more my mind started to clear.”

However, that realization didn’t come soon enough and he was sent to Ryloth. This was how he’d met Howzer and framed Cham Sandulla for the attempted assassination of Senator Taa. Crosshair explained how he’d been the one to order Howzer to be arrested as well as the men that had sided with the teal clone. The whole time he was already fighting himself to take back control.

“Syndulla’s daughter escaped.” Thankfully. “ Last I heard she was part of the rebellion.”

At least one child he hadn’t killed.

Kamino came next, he explained. Hunter had been captured and brought back to Tipoca to be tortured. Unsurprisingly the others had also returned to save him. It was part of the perfect trap. The Batch had always been loyal to each other. It was both their strength and their weakness. Crosshair explained how he’d used Hunters com to lure the rest of the batch to the city. How he’d finally revealed how he felt betrayed by them as well as disposing of his current squad when they didn’t lower their weapons. After being knocked unconscious by his vod, he’d awoken to a destroyed Tipoca.

Their home was gone.

He’d expected them to turn their back on him once more and leave him there. But the kid, Omega, she wouldn’t let them. Wouldn’t let him stay behind. They worked together to escape the ruins before the city completely sank and at the end, when Omega almost lost her closest friend, Crosshair stepped up and saved him.

“But I could see it in their eyes, they still didn’t trust me.”

He didn’t blame them either.

“I made a stupid decision after that. When they left, I stayed and waited for the Empire.”

Thirty two rotations. He’d waited thirty two rotations for the Empire to come back. That’s when his mind had truly begun to fight the programming.

His first mission back had been with Cody.“It was strange seeing him without his orange paint. It was yet another realization that what we were doing couldn’t be right. Commander Cody. The most loyal clone you could find. Had dimmed his colors.” The mission had gone… successfully. As successful as a mission that ended with the body of the offender being displayed in the town center as a ‘warning’.

When Cody went AWOL after asking Crosshair if what they were doing really was the right thing, it flipped a switch in his mind. When Marshall Commander Cody, the clone paired with Obi-Wan Kenobi, went AWOL something was wrong.

It all came to a head on Barton IV.

“Mayday” He almost whispered while burying his face into your hair. Crosshair didn’t like thinking about Mayday.

You turned then and buried your face in his chest. You already knew about Mayday. But you wanted to hear it all from his point of view. Wrapping your arms around his waist, you squeezed him gently, telling him to continue.

Still, you were unable to look at him.

“When I met Mayday it was just him. The rest of his squad had been killed by anything and everything on Barton IV. Bandits, ice Vultures, and ice wyrms. I don’t know exactly how long Mayday had been on his own at that point. But it had been long enough for him to be pissed off at the Empire.” Crosshair thought about the small shrine Mayday had set up for his fallen men. It was a gruesome reminder of the fate of a clone. Crosshair went on to explain how the depot had been attacked by intruders who’d stolen the precious cargo the Empire wanted.“Mayday and I were the lucky two clones chosen to hunt them down and bring back the cargo. Found them quick enough as well as the cargo.”The cargo that had been fucking infuriating to see. “During the takedown of the bandits an avalanche was triggered. Mayday protected me and was injured in the process.” Crosshair let a long sigh leave him as he squeezed his eyes closed. “It took us days to get back to the depot. Mayday was barely hanging on. By the time we made it back to the depot, he was near death. Lieutenant Nolan spent the time that could have been used to help Mayday to instead reprimand us for losing their precious stormtrooper armor.” Crosshair tightened his hold on you.

“He died in my arms.”

You let out a shuddered breath. The file in Mayday had been so painfully different. All it had said was that he was killed in an attack by intruders.

“I lost it. I killed Nolan. Finally broken free of my programming. I collapsed and woke up in prison. Strapped to a table.”

So that had been it. That had been what he’d gone through. There was still the topic of Saw Garrera. But at this point you were so emotionally drained that you finally couldn’t focus anymore. “I’m so sorry.” You spoke so softly that you weren’t sure he’d even heard you. “I still want to hear the rest but…I think…I think I need a break.” You were so tired. So so tired.

“I understand.” Crosshair released you to step back and allow you to walk away. But you didn’t release him, making him feel confused.

“Please.” You choked out. “Can we please go to bed.”

‘We’? You wanted him to go with you? “We?”

You didn’t speak. Instead only nodding against him. Tears were once again burning your eyes and you knew you couldn’t let him see you like this. It wouldn’t be fair to him. You’d told him you’d listen and still care for him. Crying felt like you were going back on that.

Crosshair wrapped his arms around you once more and held you as he tried to understand why you still wanted to be near him. To go to bed with him and share your warmth. He was a murderer. He’d killed innocent people.

Innocent children.

He’d helped with the subjugation of communities all in the name of the Empire. People who didn’t give two fucks about him and his brothers.

“Okay.” Tomorrow when your head was clear and you’d had time to think and understand everything would most likely be when you changed your mind about him. “Let’s head back to the room.” The sniper moved to guide you back to your waiting cots, but found resistance. “Doll?” He asked gently.

“I want to go back to Pabu. To a warm bed. Our warm bed.” You didn’t want to be here anymore. In this cold place that seemed to only house sadness. Yes, there had been some laughter with Cody and the others inside. But it felt fake. Like a bad patch over a hole in the wall. Get it wet just a little and it would break away, revealing the hole. They were all sad and carrying their own baggage.

‘Our warm bed.’ Why did that make him happy to hear? Now wasn’t the time to feel that way. He’d destroyed your perception of him. Gone was the misunderstood man you thought he was and now in his place stood a monster.

Why would you want to share your warm bed with him?

Why would you want him to go back to the inn with you?

Why?

“Okay.” He spoke again. “I’ll talk to Rex.”

-*-

It was strange. A few days ago you were sitting in this exact seat heading to Crosshair to help him. Your mind filled with worry about him. Worry about what you’d find when the ship landed. Now?

Now you were heading home with a confused heart. Deep down you knew you still cared about him. You still…loved him.

But how? How could you really focus on your love for him when he’d done such terrible things?

Echo stood in the doorway of the cockpit staring at the two of you. He’d made the decision to let Crosshair pilot home instead of doing it himself. It would allow the two of you to be together, even if it was in silence.

Three hours in total silence wasn’t as odd as someone would think. Not when Crosshair was involved. The sniper could easily go days without speaking. But you? It was so odd to see you so silent. You didn’t even look at Crosshair. It was worrying. Echo let out a sigh before turning to head out of the cockpit.

“Tell me the rest about Saw Garrera?” Your voice was soft, barely audible over the hum of the ship.

Crosshair, who was staring straight out of the windshield, looked at you slowly. You were sitting with your knees pulled up to your chin and your eyes fixed out at the swirling blue of the hyperspace jump. “Doll, you don’t ….”

“I do. I want to know why you’re so desperate to find him even after being freed from your chip.” You still couldn’t bring yourself to look at him.

Even when the two of you went inside to ask Rex to take you back to Pabu, you didn’t look at him. You tried, you did. But the moment you even looked at his chest you found your stomach beginning to twist. You couldn’t do it, you just couldn’t.

As much as you just wanted to go to sleep and dream that you hadn’t in fact learned everything you’d learned today, you knew it had needed to happen at some point. There had been no denying it when you saw him in his room a few days ago.

You loved him. You loved Crosshair.

So you knew you needed to know everything about him and that there was a strong chance that what he told you would be horrible. But never had you expected it to be this. Did it diminish how you felt about him?

No.

Deep down you knew it didn’t. But right now, in this moment, you found it so unbelievably hard to look at him and not see a monster. A man forced to kill children. Innocent children. Just the thought made your chest hurt again and you fought back the tears trying to leave you.

It wasn’t his fault. That voice in your head told you.

You knew it wasn’t. It was the Kaminoans for putting that chip in his head. It was the Empire’s fault for activating that chip. It was Saw Garrera’s fault for leaving those refugees behind. Most importantly though.

It wasn’t his fault.

Echo looked back at Crosshair. “I can do that if you want.” He mouthed to his vod.

Crosshair shook his head though before motioning for Echo to leave the room. Only once the door shut did Crosshair finally walk over to you. He knelt on the cold durasteel and took your hand in his.

“Even after I was imprisoned, he continued to be a thorn in the Empire’s and the Rebellion's side.”

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danceswithsporks · 6 months ago

Text

Awake- Part 9

Crosshair x f!Innkeeper Reader

Part 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

*not canon to season 3*

Authors Notes: Hey so remember when I told @motte-the-goblin that the next part would be up within the week, yesterday? Yeah so apparently I meant today lmao.

I am…so unbelievably sorry for how long this took and how short it is. Lots of stuff went down since the last update and I’ve just been trying to rebound. As for the short length of this chapter, I wanted to get through everything and get them moving onto recovery but I just couldn’t find an organic way to do it. So instead this chapter came out of it.

As I did last year, I’ll be taking the next month of to reset my brain and prepare for Clone x OC week and

KATSUCON 2025! Let me know if any of you will be there! I’d love to meet up and chat clone wars/bad batch with you all!

Chapter Summary:

You wake up to a distressing call and find yourself called to duty.

Awake, once again you were lying awake in your bed, alone. The warmth that you had gotten used to was gone and in its place was empty coldness. Outside, a storm could be heard raging. On nights like this you’d usually have the door open to your private garden where you’d enjoy the smell of the rain and the cool breeze it brought with it. But not tonight. No, instead you kept everything closed and buried yourself beneath the blankets of your far too big bed as you waited for your com or datapad to ring.

Five months, he’d been gone for five long months. The two of you spoke every once in a while. It started close to three times a week but as the weeks turned into months, it dwindled to once or twice a week. Now it was once every two weeks or so. You’d asked him a few separate times what was going on, but he never told you.

“Takin’ care of some business.” He’d told you a few different times.

You hated it, you hated him. Not really, but slightly. Things had finally gotten better. He was opening up to you and you’d never felt closer. But then he was gone. Just hours after finally opening up to you, he’d left.

You thought you’d be okay. He was just a guy. A paying guest in your inn. But after the first week, you found yourself missing his scent. By the second week, you were missing his warmth and by the third week, you were just missing him. You found yourself pacing around your apartment hoping he’d knock on your door suddenly. After a moment, you’d call him in and he’d join you on the couch. You’d read your book and he’d look through his datapad. Then you’d go and lay in bed, your head on his chest, his hand stroking through your hair and the two of you would exchange more stories about growing up. Maybe he’d apologize for being gone for so long, maybe he wouldn’t say anything at all. You wouldn’t mind either way.

A long groan left you as you rolled over and buried your face into his pillow. It no longer held his scent and that upset you. It wasn’t fair that he’d done this to you, to your heart. Rolling over away from your datapad, you nuzzled deeper into your bed and tried to force yourself to sleep. Stupid, Crosshair. Even if he did call you tonight, you’d ignore it.

*pling pling pling*

You practically dove for your bedside table and grabbed the datapad. “Crosshair?” You didn’t even bother to look at who was calling. It had to be him, right? He would be the only one to call you this late at night.

“Is this Doll?” An unfamiliar gruff voice spoke carefully.

“Who?” You looked at the information on the datapad and realized you didn’t recognize it. “Umm, yes. It is.”

“Good. My name is Rex. I work with Crosshair. I received your information from Echo.” Rex wondered what the time was where you were. Perhaps he’d woken you up?

Oh, Stars. Why did you suddenly have a pit in your stomach? ”what’s happened?” You were sitting up now, your heart in your throat.

“Everything is okay.” He paused. “Well, kind of.”

What did he mean by that? “Where is Crosshair?”

Rex looked over his shoulder at a sound. “He’s here. But…”

“But what?” This was it, he’d tell you Crosshair was seriously hurt, or worse!

The former Captain sighed. “There’s been an incident. How soon can you be here?”

Where was ‘here’? “I don’t know where you are. I don’t have a ship.”

“There is a ride waiting for you. Please come soon.”

The call was quickly disconnected leaving you slightly confused. There was a knock on your apartment door and you rushed to it. You found Echo waiting on the other side. “Echo?”

Echo nodded. “How soon can you be packed?”

-*-

You weren’t sure where you were going. You’d asked Echo a few times during the six-hour trip, all he’d told you was that it was secret. The two of you talked casually about what had been happening. How he was settling into his new role as History of the Galaxy professor at Omegas school and the few missions he’d gone on since the return of Tech.

“He’s thinking of proposing to her, ya know.” Echo checked over the readings of his ship as he spoke.

You looked up from your datapad quickly. “Tech is?”

The Domino twin nodded. “Yeah, showed me the ring today. Made it out of the crystal from his blaster.”

A surprised sigh left your lips. “How romantic.” His blaster, the thing that protected his life.

Echo chuckled. “Guess it is. Think she’ll like it?”

“He could give her a rock and she’d love it. She’s head over heels for him.” You sat back in your seat and stared out the window. “What about Wrecker? Think he's planning anything?”

“He may have asked for some advice on how to propose,” Echo smirked at you, earning a laugh. “You’re not gonna say anything, right?”

“And ruin the surprises? No way.” You winked at the clone before looking back at your datapad. Both your friends would be engaged soon. It was hard not to be jealous. They’d found the perfect men and you were still struggling with your own feelings. You shook the thoughts away quickly earning a confused look from Echo. Clearing your throat, you decided to change the topic. “So what’s going on? Why do I need to go to you guys?”

Echo chewed his lip, trying to think about how much to reveal. “I can’t reveal too much. It’s not my place to. But what I can tell you is that some things went sideways and you’re the only one who seems to get through to him.”

“Echo.” You reached over and grabbed his scomp. “Is he okay? Is he hurt?”

He looked down at your hand before looking up at you. Your eyes were filled with worry and it was clear your nerves were getting the best of you. “Physically he’s fine. I promise.” He watched as you visibly relaxed. “It’s mentally that we’re worried about.”

Mentally? “Why?” Why was he being so roundabout about this?

A long sigh left the domino twin. “Rex will explain it better than me.” He checked over the information on his screen. “Sit back, we’ll be arriving soon.”

-*-

Echo led you into a large structure that had seen better days. Walls were crumbled around you and there was a clear draft. In the center of the room was a holo table with many clones around it. A blonde one stepped away after seeing you enter the room. He walked over and extended his hand to you.

“You must be Doll, I’m Rex.” He took a moment to look you over. You were a cute little thing. Bright eyes and a nice figure.

You shook his hand gently. “It’s nice to finally put a face to the name. I’ve heard a good amount about you.”

Rex glanced at Echo. “So have I.” He motioned to the men around the table. “This is Howzer, Gregor, Kix, and Cody.” Each man raised a hand as Rex said their name.

“It’s nice to meet you all.” You nodded to each one. It was odd seeing so many clones in one place. Not only was it the ones around the table, but also a few others walking around the room moving crates. Now that you saw so many together, you could see the way they all looked the same. It was almost a shock compared to how the batch looked. “Where is he?”

“This way.” Rex motioned towards an opposite door.

You followed the blonde clone closely. “Can you tell me what happened?”

Rex paused and turned to face you. “The target that we’ve been tracking has vanished.”

“Oh.” Why would that require you to come here?

“He was a high-priority target for Crosshair. He’s not taking it well.” A loud sound came from the room nearest your group. “Echo, you should make sure the room is safe for her to enter.”

Echo nodded, but before he could move, you reached out and stopped him. “It’s okay.” You stepped around him and reached for the door panel.

“If anything happens, call out for us,” Rex spoke sternly. He’d protect you if need be.

“Echo!” Kix ran towards the domino twin quickly. He stopped in front of Echo slightly out of breath.

Echo turned to face the medic. “Kix? What’s going on?”

“Gregor thinks we found her. Come on.” He motioned back towards the main area.

“Dove?” When Kix nodded, Echo felt the air leave his lungs. Finally, they had a lead on her. He looked back at you quickly and when you nodded, he took off.

Your eyes returned to the door in front of you. Taking a deep breath, you pressed the mechanism in the door and it slid open. You gasped at the sight before you.

The room was an absolute mess. Clothes had been flung everywhere. A chair was overturned against the wall and even the cot had been flipped over. Crosshair sat on the side of the flipped cot, his head in his hands.

“Crosshair?” You carefully stepped into the room. He didn’t react to your voice. Rex cleared his throat loudly behind you but even that didn’t grab the sniper's attention. You carefully walked over to him and placed your hand on his shoulder. “Crosshair? It’s me.” He jumped at your touch.

He lifted his head from his hands and turned to face you. “D-Doll?” Why were you here? No! No. No. No! You couldn’t see him like this.

He’d changed a lot since the last time you’d seen him. It had been nearly two months since he’d holo called you. His hair was longer now and so was his facial hair. A full beard was now visible. It was clear he hadn’t been sleeping, the bags under his eyes were massive. “Oh, Crosshair.” You moved your hand from his shoulder to his cheek.

“How are you here?” He’d forgotten how beautiful you were. The holos on his datapad did you no justice. His eyes shifted to Rex behind you. “You brought her here?”

“No, Sniper.” You kneeled next to him and took his hand in yours. “I asked Echo to bring me here. I haven’t heard from you in a while. I began to worry.” Pulling his hand up to your face, you placed it against your cheek. “Why didn’t you contact me?”

Touching you was like being home. He sighed and pressed his forehead against yours. “I’m sorry, Kitten.” A few tears ran down his cheek. “I’m sorry.”

You took a deep breath. This was worse than you could have expected. Your free hand slid behind your back and you motioned for Rex to leave the room. After a moment you heard the door slide shut. Standing, you released Crosshair’s hand and walked around the overturned bed. Once in front of him, you sat on the floor between the bed and the wall. “Come here?”

Crosshair didn’t hesitate for a moment to fall to the floor next to you. He moved to bury his face into his hands but was stopped by you grabbing his shoulders and pulling him into you. He buried his face into your shoulder and began to shake. The tears that burned his eyes fought to break free, but he couldn’t let them out. You couldn’t see him like this, weak and broken. He felt your hand press against his back before moving up and down. He waited for the questions to come…but they didn’t. Instead, you simply held him.

You’d wait as long as you needed to until he was ready to talk. For now, you’d simply hold him and let him know you were there.

-*-

Two long days passed by before he was ready to talk. You’d spent that time switching between holding him, cleaning, fixing the room, and feeding you both. Meals were brought three times a day to both of you by Rex or one of the others. You hadn’t seen Echo since the day he brought you here.

Howzer, the one with teal on his armor, had been kind enough to bring a second cot for you to sleep on. The moment he’d left the room you’d pushed the two cots together. You held Crosshair each night, keeping him close to you. The only time you heard his voice was when he spoke in his sleep. It was hard to understand what he was saying. Only a few words were clear.

“Hunter, duck!”

“Tech, on your left.”

“Easy shot”

“Hold on Mayday, hold on.”

Mayday was mentioned a lot during those first two nights. Crosshair had told you very little about the man, the topic being a sensitive one for him.

On the third day, your curiosity finally got the best of you. Crosshair was still deep asleep when you woke up. You would have stayed by his side and waited for him to wake up like you had the last two days. But today, you just couldn’t get Mayday out of your mind. You carefully removed yourself from his arms before slowly getting off your cot. You slipped on your boots, pulled the only long-sleeved shirt you’d brought over your head, and prayed that the pants you wore would be enough to keep you warm. You’d been in such a hurry to pack that you hadn’t even bothered to ask Echo what the weather would be like. You’d simply packed two outfits plus the one you were wearing when you arrived. Two of those outfits had short sleeves while only one had long sleeves. The only reason why you’d stayed relatively comfortable these past few days was because you’d been as close to Crosshair as possible. The clone and the blankets on the cots were enough to keep you warm.

The door opened with a quiet whoosh as you exited the small room. While inside with him it didn’t seem that small, now that you were out in the hall and looking back into the room, you realized how little it was. Crosshair shifted on the cot and you worried he was about to wake up. But when he settled once more, you sighed and let the door shut. It took you a few tries to find your way back to that main room you’d been in when you first arrived, but after a long fifteen minutes, you found it. You hadn’t realized how early it was when you were in the room. But now that you stood in the almost empty control room, you realized just how early it truly was.

“Howzer?” The teal clone stood by the holo table with a mug in hand. Steam swirled in the air above it and the familiar scent of coffee filled the room.

Howzer looked away from the holo table in surprise. He hadn’t expected to see you this early and without Crosshair. “What are you doing up this early?” The Captain looked you over before catching the way you shivered slightly.

“Couldn’t sleep.” You shifted as he walked to the side of the room and picked up a dark bundle off one of the crates. He crossed the room over to you and held the bundle out to you. “Thanks. You?”

“One of us is always on duty at the table. Just in case someone contacts us.” He watched you unfurl the bundle and look it over before pulling it on. “Trouble sleeping, huh?” He stepped closer to you and tugged the robe gently. Adjusting it so it sat better on your shoulders and didn’t pull on your neck. The Jedi that had owned it before would have been happy to know it was being used again.

The robe was so warm and comfortable, that you sighed softly as warmth began to spread through your body. You nodded as the clone in front of you adjusted the garment a few times before stepping away from you. “Got a lot on my mind.”

Howzer motioned towards the other side of the room. “Like what?”

You followed him around the holo table and towards a steaming pot. The scent of caf was becoming stronger and stronger. “Well…” you chewed your lip in thought for a moment, trying to figure out how to breach the subject. “I was wondering something. Were you…part of the Empire too?”

He froze at her question, the clean mug in his hand shaking slightly. “I was.”

“What…was it like? Did you know Crosshair then? Did you also have a Jedi?” The questions seemed to race out your mouth before you could stop them. You took a long breath to try and stop the rest. “Sorry”

Howzer shook his head and fought off the urge to laugh, you were cute. He finished pouring you a cup of coffee before answering. “It was different, I did, and yes, I did have a Jedi.” He passed you the mug. “Drink this, it’ll help ya warm up.”

You blushed slightly before taking the mug. It felt nice in your cold hands. “Thanks.” You took a small sip of the warm drink and visibly recoiled slightly. That was some of the worst tasting coffee you’d ever had.

A chuckle left Howzer as you took your sip. “Not the best tasting stuff in the galaxy. But it gets the job done.” He motioned over to a set of crates set up around a larger crate. “How about ya start at the top and I’ll answer what I can.”

“What was your Jedi like?” You sat on one of the crates and placed your mug on the larger crate that seemed to act as a table.

“He was a brave and caring man. Don’t know how far my men and I would have made it without him.” He stared down at his mug for a few moments. “We lost him a few weeks before everything changed.” Howzer looked towards the holo table. “How much has he told you about what happened?”

You took another sip of the warm drink before answering. “He told me about Order 66 and what it entailed.”

Howzer gave you a softened look before shaking his head. “You honestly shouldn't know about it. Not the type of things civs should hear about.”

“Civs?” Your head tilted to the side.

“Civilians.” Another voice echoed across the empty room.

“Cody.” Howzer nodded to the ex Marshal Commander. “Doll had some questions that were keeping her awake.”

Cody nodded and stroked his growing beard in a way that Rex had told him reminded him of Kenobi. “I see.” He walked over to the two of you as Howzer stood and grabbed another mug of caf. “Like what?”

“What it was like being a part of the Empire. What his Jedi was like. If he knew Crosshair then.” Cody was the one in orange. You could clearly see small spots of gray poking through the paint, probably best you didn’t ask about that. Your nails tapped against the ceramic of the cup in front of you. “Could I ask the same questions to you?”

“You can.” Cody settled on the crate and watched Howzer bring over the coffee. “I worked in the Empire for a while as well. Even worked side by side with Crosshair. Never seen a more skilled sniper in my life. The last mission I did was with him.”

“What do you mean the last mission?” Your hands gripped the mug in your hands tightly, the warmth of it finally getting to your bones.

The once Marshal Commander took a long sip of his drink before speaking. “Soon after that mission, I tried to walk away from it all. I’d seen too much and been through too much. I couldn’t take it anymore. Someone higher up heard about my plan to go AWOL. I was captured before I could even try to leave and taken to Tantiss. The same place Crosshair would later be imprisoned at.”

“Oh.” You swallowed. Maybe it was best to change the subject. “Did you have a Jedi you worked with?”

“Yeah, he was an amazing General. Saved my life more times than I can count.” And yet he’d killed him. Shot him down mercilessly. He remembered the feeling of seeing his body move on its own and fire at him. The way he fell from that wall. “Wore a robe just like the one you’re wearing.” He motioned to the garment wrapped around your body. A part of him wanted to reach out and touch it, to feel the familiar material against his fingers at least one more time.

“This was a Jedis robe?” You looked down at the dark brown garment. A Jedi had worn this before you. You looked at Howzer quickly for verification. The teal clone nodded to you before looking away. “I feel honored then.”

The three of you fell into silence for a few minutes. Simply enjoying the silence and the company. Cody was the first to speak.

“Something tells me there’s more to why you couldn’t sleep.” You awkwardly shifted across from him and it was all the answer he needed. “Ask away.”

You took a long breath. “What do you know about a clone named Mayday?”

-*-

You sat on a crate outside on the landing pad deep in thought. The robe was still pulled tight around you. The sun was up now and slowly warming the air. Thoughts on what you’d learned about Mayday ran through your head. You knew he was dead, that was something Crosshair had told you. It was how he died that had taken you by surprise. If what you’d read was true then poor Crosshair had been through so much more than you realized.

“Doll?” A familiar voice called to you from the hangar doors.

You turned and locked eyes with the man you’d been thinking of. “Crosshair.”

He quickly moved across the landing pad as you stood up from the crate. The moment he was in front of you he pulled you into a tight embrace. “I thought you left.”

“I wouldn’t leave without telling you. I just needed some fresh air and time to think.” Your face nuzzled into his chest. It was clear he hadn’t showered in a few days, the smell didn’t bother you too much.

“Think about what?” His face buried into your hair and he inhaled deeply. Yes, this scent, your scent, you were his peace.

You hummed softly as you listened to him inhale. Should you tell him that you were thinking about him? About what he’d gone through? About Mayday? “Well…” Your mom would tell you that honesty was the best policy here. “About you and what you’ve gone through and…Mayday.”

“Mayday?” Crosshair pulled away from you and looked down. “Why would you be thinking about him?”

“Because you’ve mentioned him at least thirty times in your sleep since I’ve been here.” You pulled away from him and walked past him. “I know what happened to him, to both of you. Or at least the details that are in the reports.”

Crosshair turned and stared at you. “How?”

A lump seemed to form in your throat. “I asked Cody and Howzer.”

“What?” He stormed across the platform and over to you. “Why the hell would you ask them?”

You turned and faced him, anger boiling inside of you at the way he was speaking to you. “Because you would never tell me!”

‘Stop’ You thought to yourself. This wasn’t on him. What you had learned about that mission from the reports Howzer had found made it clear it was bad. You could only imagine how much worse everything was. A long sigh left your lips as you tried to calm down.

“It’s been almost a year, Crosshair. We’ve known each other for almost a year now. I don’t expect to know every single detail about your life. But I would hope you’d feel more comfortable opening up to me. Especially now when you’re clearly going through something.” You stepped forward and raised your hands to his face. “Crosshair, please.” Gentle hands cupped his face as pure eyes stared into his. “Open up to me? Let me know the real you.”

“You couldn’t begin to understand what I’ve been through.” Crosshair tried to pull away from your hands but found himself stopped. Instead, he shifted his eyes away from yours.

As he looked away from you, you felt your heart drop. The past couple of days had revealed his weaknesses to you. The way he struggled to come to terms with whatever was eating at him had shown you just how deep it truly went. His was so much more than simple nightmares. Whoever this high-priority target was, they had a strong connection to Crosshair. Were they the source of his nightmares? Or just a small part?

None of it mattered to you right now. All that mattered was him and how he was feeling at this moment. It was clear he was nervous about you learning something or worried that you wouldn’t understand and thus be unable to truly help him. But you’d do whatever you could to help him. You’d take him how he was, with all the baggage included, and make him whole once more. You’d push out the darkness and guide him to the light and be his everything.

The realization of how much you genuinely cared for this man, this clone who’d started out as a stranger and a renter in your inn, was astonishing to you. In this moment you truly understood that the two of you were a part of one another now. All you wanted was to ease his pain and for him to be happy. You cared for him so much.

You…loved him.

Your eyes shook as you moved closer to him. “ Let me try, Sniper. Let me be the one to listen to you and know you. Let me love you.” You cooed sweetly to him while stepping forward and pressing your body against his. “Let me be yours, Cross.”

There it was, out in the open finally. You wanted to be his. You wanted to love him and keep him close. To give him all of you and accept all of him.

Crosshair felt like his heart was racing. This was everything he’d dreamed of. Even before he met you. “I…” he gripped your shoulders tightly and tried to push you away even though his heart was yelling at him not to. “I can’t. You can't know the things I’ve been through, the things I’ve done.”

“Crosshair.” You followed him as he tried to push you away. “I want to know everything you’ve been through. Everything you’ve done. The good and the bad. All of it.”

“Doll, you say that now. But once you know the truth there won’t be any way to take it back. I’ve done dark and terrible things.” He hesitated as his body began to shake. “I can’t…I can’t risk losing you. Not yet.”

“Hey.” You reached up and cradled his face once more, making sure he was looking into your eyes. “Nothing you’ve done, and I mean nothing, will change how I feel about you or think about you.” You stood on the tips of your toes and pressed your lips against his. He hesitated at first to return the kiss but soon his arms were wrapping around you and holding you tight. His lips danced against yours in desperation. You pulled just far enough away so you could speak once more, your lips brushing against his. “I promise.”

Crosshair fought the nervous energy racing through his body. He pressed his lips against yours in what he feared would be the final time. “Okay.” He truly hoped you’d be able to keep your promise.

But deep down he feared you wouldn’t be able to.

Tag list:

#clone wars fic #the bad batch fic #tbb crosshair x you #tbb crosshair x reader #crosshairs bad batch #crosshair bad batch #bad batch crosshair #tbb crosshair #the bad batch crosshair #crosshair x reader #Spotify

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