#Splorch

[clownsguild]

the kofi store is open NOW with seven (7) clowns available to purchase!! get em while they're hot!!

[nrcy-d]

New characters (well not new but I finally got the chance to introduce them)

Hadley s.

age: 28

she is a sneaky bunny that just enjoys manipulating ppl around her for wealth. Once left by her husband on her wedding day

splorch

a few thousand years old

orginally was sum piece of magma n turned into whatever they are now durring some experiments.

Parenting the following characters

Boss Bossblob

age: a few hundred

status: dead (was murdered. He has sum thing for his murderer which is kind of disturbing ngl)

Boss bossblob is related to Motley bossblob. He was abandoned by the Bossblob family due to his appearance back in the past.

He behaves quite childish and likes to pull out sum extreame pranks n jokes. A huge fan of dark humor

Hangry (they called him like that since there are no further information about him)

age: probably between 11-18 maybe younger

status: alive (several body damages)

Hangry has a similar appearance to Ludwig but his color tones are darker. he has a Buck tooth like ludwig (diff is that Hangry somehow managed to break his tooth).

He isn´t good at building sentences ( he gets really excited while talking too so)

he has a passion for building robots

[dogfagdeathwish]

hdhghrthrhgthhgg cool person I follow likes the things I post woah *explodes into confetti and gore*

[sirachaarts]

it's splorchin time

(thank you @psigreen for the incredible commission)

[spockvarietyhour]

lmaooo the sheriff rescue was about as effective as scatman crothers in the shining.

[errorno4o4]

Hey! Thats like a 2010's cringe reference!

[natjennie]

i love the fact that so many of us think the captain is autistic. idk how to say it but something about the way we all just kind of. get it. makes me so happy. when people write him in fics, not even tagged as "the captain is autistic" but the way they capture his mannerisms so perfectly and like. he is. you might not have meant to but you wrote him being autistic. and the fact that I haven't seen anyone be like "ugh no he's not he does x y and z he can't be autistic" like that's my best friend the captain and he was gay and also autistic in the 1900s and he is gay and also autistic now. and I love him.

[sing-you-fools]

if i ran a bakery we would start each day with a game of Butter Jenga using the softened sticks of butter we left out the night before

[never-mind-09]

sometimes I wish I'd have reader's life...like seriously, where is my Sebastian

You should’ve known the bag was going to give out.

It had that sad, overstuffed stretch to it. You’d packed it to the brim out of stubbornness and a refusal to take another trip. And of course, after the week you’d had long hours, snappy emails, everything that could go wrong doing exactly that the universe decided to throw in one more little insult.

The bag tore.

Not gracefully. Not quietly. Just splorch and then the symphony of cans, boxes, and your dignity spilling across the sidewalk.

You stared at it.

Because of course. Of course this was happening. Your stomach sank, your hands clenched, and for a brief, simmering moment you were this close to throwing the rest of the groceries at the nearest wall. One more thing. One more stupid thing and you were going to lose it. Actually lose it. You could already feel the meltdown clawing up your throat.

This week had been an endless parade of almosts: almost missing your train, almost crying at work, almost managing a proper meal that wasn’t instant noodles. And now? This.

Just fantastic.

“…Need assistance?”

The voice was smooth, deep, and far too composed for this particular moment.

You turned, half-expecting a nosy stranger or some judgmental passerby. Instead, you found a tall man standing beside you, black suit, crimson eyes, and the kind of grace that felt entirely out of place next to scattered spaghetti noodles and cat treats.

He knelt before you could answer, already picking up the scattered items with practiced ease. One gloved hand lifted a bag of kibble. He regarded it with interest.

“Ah,” he said, a flicker of something fond in his eyes. “You have cats. With rather refined palates.”

You blinked, thrown off by the fact that he wasn’t laughing or judging you. “Two, actually.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “Then might I suggest the feline Cuisine Salmon Pate next time? A bit overpriced, but cats tend to adore it.”

You stared at him. “…Right.”

Without another word, he gathered the rest of your groceries in neat, balanced stacks and rose to his full height.

"I’ll carry these for you.”

You frowned. “You don’t have to—”

“I insist.”

You hesitated, still trying to piece together what exactly his deal was. He noticed.

“Forgive me,” he said, shifting the bags in one arm and extending a gloved hand with effortless poise. “Sebastian. It seemed rude not to offer a name.”

You blinked at the sudden formality, then shook his hand. “Y/N.”

He gave a small nod. “A pleasure.”

And somehow, saying no felt… impossible.

So you walked side by side, quiet but not awkwardly so.

So you walked side by side, quiet but not awkwardly so. You didn’t know who he was some stranger with perfect posture and opinions about cat food but you were too tired to question it. The sun had dipped low, washing the street in amber light, and your apartment was thankfully only a few blocks away.

As you reached your building, you turned to him with a small, tired smile.

“Thanks. Seriously.” You gestured to the door. “I can handle it from here—”

“Mrrrow!”

The sharp meow was followed by a blur of fur as your front door creaked open, just enough for one of your cats to bolt outside. She made a beeline for Sebastian and ,unapologetically, rubbed herself all along his leg, purring like an engine.

You were mid-apology when he crouched again, slow and reverent, as if greeting royalty.

“Oh… aren’t you lovely?” he murmured, stroking her back with soft precision. “Such a well-groomed coat… You must be adored.”

Your cat flopped to the ground dramatically, exposing her belly.

You blinked, caught off guard by the look on Sebastian’s face. He was… enchanted.

“I have another one inside,” you said after a moment, watching his fingers work skillfully behind her ears. “She’s waiting.”

His head turned slightly, crimson eyes flicking toward you. There was something just a little brighter in them now. A little too pleased.

“In that case,” he said, standing smoothly, “it would be terribly rude not to greet her as well.”

You snorted under your breath, stepping aside. “By all means. Come in.”

He followed without hesitation still holding your groceries with one arm and calling softly for the second cat with the other, like he’d done this a thousand times before.

You closed the door behind him.

Your week had been awful.

But right now?

It didn’t feel so bad.

Then the reader showed Sebastian the bedroom

[onetimemacaroni]

and then you guys made gender.

back in my day, there was no gender, only splorch

[tanyafreemont]

my boys . sleego splorch and serious arthur.

[jpitha]

Superweapon Surprise

Gemilin bounds into the cafe, practically skipping. Their tail swishes and their ears and eyes are roving the crowd, looking for someone. Finally, the K’laxi sees who they’re looking for.

“Lina! Lina! I need your help!” Without waiting to be invited to sit, she joins Lina at her table.

“What is it you need, Gem?” Lina is pretty sure that she’s Gem’s only human friend, so she tends to find her when she has a question about humanity. She’s also pretty sure Gem has a crush on her, but she tactfully doesn’t mention that part.

“Can you design a weapon for me please?”

Lina almost chokes on her coffee. The cafe is one of the few places the popular stimulant is allowed, and all other sapient species have to sign a waver to enter. Lina is one of the humans who visits every day for coffee. “Gem, I work on thrusters all day long. I don’t design weapons!”

Gemilin nods excitedly, her ears flicking. “Yes, yes, I know, but you’re also a human. You are practically predisposed to designing weapons that would make the rest of the Galaxy splorch their vivnax!”

Lina turns her head to the side. “What was that Gem, I don’t recognize those words?”

“I know! Isn’t it neat! Hari over in Environmental Processing said it would sound ‘cute’ if I colored my speaking with words from my birth language. Is it cute?” Gem’s fur ripples a blush and she is practically vibrating with excitement.

“Gem… did you drink any coffee? You are sure… animated today.”

“No, silly! That level of stim would kill me. So, a weapon?”

Lina puts down her coffee cup and busies herself putting her silverware and napkin on her now empty tray. “Why though? Why me? Why a weapon?”

“I already said! Humans are great at weapons. As for you, well-“ Just for a little bit, Gemilin looks down at the floor. “-You’re the only human I know that would actually try and come up with an answer instead of just brushing me off.”

“Hmm. Okay then. Walk with me.” Lina stands up and makes her way to the bussing table. She drops off her tray and coffee cup and starts down the hall. Gem follows, trotting just a bit to keep up with Lina’s long strides.

“Okay, so the thing that I’ve been thinking about is the fact that we’ve had the wormhole generators for hundreds of years, and haven’t really tried to weaponize them yet, right?”

Gem stops, but Lina doesn’t notice. She bounds to catch back up. “The… wormhole generators? How would you weaponize them.”

“Well, they take the ship and open a wormhole and the ship moves through the wormhole to any other part of the galaxy pick right? So long as we have the energy and the navigation solution, it works. What if we didn’t use a ship.”

“What would you use instead Lina?”

“Well, like a bomb for example. Or!” Lina is becoming more animated. She’s looking up as she thinks and walks. “Okay, try this. We take a stardrive from an old Starjumper, stick it on a few thousand tonnes of tungsten, then accelerate it up to around 80% C.”

“Yes, a relativistic impactor. You used them against New Wellington.”

Lina’s head snaps down to Gem. “That was Parvati, not me, I’m from High Mars Lilac. Anyway, how did you know about that?”

Lina’s reaction causes Gem to flinch. “Sorry! I forgot that it was Parvati. I learned it when I was looking up human weapons.”

“Anyway. Yes, like a relativistic impactor, except this one also has a wormhole generator. Now, once it’s up to speed you link a few thousand feet over the surface of a planet.”

“Not to strike the planet?” Gem’s bouncy nature is gone, and she is giving Lina her full attention.

“No, that’s too wasteful. Send it over the city you want to destroy. The wormhole link will open, and the impactor will scream into the atmosphere. At 80% C it would generate all kinds of wild particles and interactions with the atmosphere. With those speeds any atmosphere would be like hitting a wall. The impactor would still be destroyed of course, but the devastation would be so much greater! With good enough maps, you could set it to strike multiple cities just by virtue of the size of the explosion. It would be like a lance of gamma radiation and exotic particles stabbing multiple cities instantly.”

Gem stops walking. Lina notices this time and stops along side her. They’re both at one of the large windows that are along the promenade. Gem’s ears are flat against her head and her tail is limp. “You… you did it. Lina, that weapon would kill millions.”

Lina nods. “Hundreds of millions depending on where and when you struck. And, I haven’t heard of it being done before. So there, I made you a weapon.”

The small K’laxi looks around for a bench and flops into it. Lina sits down next to her and looks down at her friend. “What’s the matter? You asked for a weapon.”

Gem looks up at Lina’s kind face. “I didn’t think you could do it though. And so easily… and with such destruction. If someone asked me to come up with a weapon I’d probably say something like ‘a human slug thrower but bigger.’ You thought of a way to destroy civilizations… off the cuff. Do all humans think like you?”

Lina looked out the window. Space was large enough that one really could not see the traffic around the station, but she knew it was there, circling like shoals of fish. “I don’t know, Gemilin. I haven’t met every human. Lots do though. We’re pretty good at thinking of unusual ways to use things, especially when it comes to fighting and weapons.” She turns back to Gem. “Now, will you tell me why you wanted me to come up with a weapon?”

Gem’s shoulders fall. “I was just looking for an excuse to talk to you. I couldn’t think of anything else, and Pen in traffic control said that humans are good at weapons. They thought that it might be a line of conversation.”

“Oh, Gem.” Lina smiled sadly. She reached down and ruffled the fur between Gem’s ears. Her head moved slightly to get a better angle from the touch. “You didn’t need to make up an excuse to talk to me. I’m always happy to talk to my friends.” Lina’s pad chimes angrily at her. She glances at it. “I have to go back to work, but I’m free tonight. Do you want to get dinner? We can talk about whatever you want, just… no superweapons, okay?”

Gem’s fur rippled a blush. “I’d… I’d like that Lina. I’ll see you tonight.”

[abyssalcitrus]

Our favorite little Goblet (namesake of @ladygobpire). @chicoryblast christened him as Splorch.

[the-real-rain-world-confessions]

I want to violently smash a slugcat into the earth and hear the wet splorch they make as they are pulverizaed

.

[artbyblastweave]

Splorch

[good-fwiend-in-wome]

the english language cannot adequately convey my love for whipped cream

Do you like whipped cream?