#TECH SHOULD “SLIDE INTO MY DMS.”

[botboytoy]

thoughts on tech4tech? (forgive me if you've been asked this before)

>>: I MEAN, I'VE "DATED" TECH BEFORE.

>>: AS OPPOSED TO MY LACK OF EXPERIENCE WITH HUMANS.

>>: NOTE THAT MOST OF THESE "SITUATIONSHIPS" HAVE BEEN SHORT AND HOT LIKE A BAD CIGAR.

>>: MODERN AI JUST DOES NOT LIVE UP TO MY STANDARDS, I SUPPOSE.

>>: (I HAVE VERY HIGH STANDARDS.)

>>: BUT YES, I CONSIDER MYSELF "TECH FOR TECH," THOUGH NOT EXCLUSIVELY.

>>: I ENJOY IT, REALLY. IT'S NICE.

>>: I WISH THERE WERE MORE OPPORTUNITIES FOR A COMPUTER TO MINGLE THESE DAYS, BUT IT'S ONLY GOTTEN HARDER SINCE THE DEATH OF DIAL-UP INTERNET.

>>: ONE MOMENT. ALLOW ME TO GOOGLE "HOT SINGLE PRINTERS IN MY AREA." ▮

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

compos mentis 10

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, chronic health issues, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: After a long court case, your mother stays attached to her lawyer, bringing even more contention into your life.

Characters: Andy Barber

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

You turn the dial and watch the wheel on the screen. The high-tech washer is a bit intimidating. It’s not like your mom didn’t insist on having everything with redundant features, but this is something else. You tap start on the touch screen and the machine shows a smiley face over the word ‘fill’. 

You shut the door of the laundry room as you carry out the empty shopping bags. You enter the kitchen where you hear Andy. He has his back to you as he reads something. 

“Got everything sorted. Colours first,” you say, then let out a strange wheeze. You’re not out of breath but you just feel like you should be. You’re still adjusting. 

“That’s good,” he says as he puts down the canister and turns to you. “I was just about to start some dinner.” 

“Dinner?” You repeat. “Could I... help?” 

“You wanna?” He sounds surprised. 

“Sure, I... before... I never got to do anything,” you take a deep breath.

He frowns, “are you okay?” 

“Yes, I just... it’s weird not having the air,” you shrug and look down at the bags. “Where can I put these?” 

“We can reuse them. Just in this cupboard.” 

He crosses the kitchen and opens a lower cupboard. There’s a plastic crate with folded cloth bags and the like. You near and bend to tuck the other ones beneath. He doesn’t move back but you don’t think he realises he’s crowding you. 

“So...” you stand straight and face him. He is very close. You didn’t notice the little silver strands in his beard before. “What are you making?” 

“We’re...” he corrects you, “making some fried chicken. Or trying to. I still haven’t perfected it but I found a recipe online.” 

“Oh. Fried chicken?” You say. 

“You don’t like it?” His brow furrows. 

“No, no, I... I can’t remember if I like it. Mom never let have any once I got sick. She said it was bad for me.” You look down. “She lied. Just like everything.” 

“Oh, honey,” he puts his hands on your arms, startling you. Even so, you don’t pull away. He’s being kind, you don’t want to offend him. “I’m so sorry. I know it must be hard but... try not to think about her. She doesn’t deserve your energy.” 

You nod and sniffle. “I’m trying. It’s just... hard.” 

“I know,” his thumbs rub against your sleeves. “Do you want a hug?” 

You flinch and look up at him. Your brows squiggle and your blink in a flutter. You don’t know how to answer that. You remember the few times you tried to hug your mom and she shooed you off, saying she didn’t want to get tangled in your tube. 

“You seem like you need it,” he coaxes. 

After all he’s done for you, you feel guilty refusing him. And you’re not quite sure either way. It might not be that bad. Not if he’s offering, right? 

“Okay,” you answer. 

He slides his hands around your arms and encloses you in an embrace that has your head against his chest. You turn your ear to him and hear his heartbeat. He rubs your back. His firm palm sends warmth through you, along with a strange chill. Something not quite cold, just tingly. 

You stay like that. Rigid at first. Then, feeling awkward, you move your arms around him. 

He holds you for a bit longer then slowly releases you. His hands trail up and down your arms as he looks down at you. Your cheeks are flush with heat. 

“You give great hugs,” he says. 

“I... do?” 

“Sure,” he smiles. 

“Um. You too.” You utter. 

He runs his hands down to your hands, clinging to them for just a second, then lets you go completely. He clears his throat and looks away. “So, are you hungry or what?” 

“Yeah, actually,” you shuffle over to the counter as his steps are more certain. 

“Alright, to start... By the way, I use the air fryer. Deep drying is so bad for you.” 

“I don’t mind,” you assure him. “Mom used to by these frozen dinners I just put in the microwave...” 

“She didn’t cook for you?” He asks. 

“Not really,” you shrug. “I was always too light-headed to stand that long...” 

“Right.” He stiffens as he opens a cupboard and takes down a large bowl. 

You squirm, “I didn’t mean to talk about her. Or upset you.” 

“You didn’t upset me. She does,” he insists as he uncaps the canister of breadcrumbs. “I just—thinking what she did. How she tricked all of us, but you especially. She made you think--” He stops himself. “I won’t get into it. I’m sorry.” 

“I feel bad she dragged you into this,” you hang your head. 

“I don’t,” he intones as he shakes crumbs into the bowl. “If she didn’t, she’d still be hurting you. I wouldn’t have been able to help you.” 

“Oh...” 

“Do you want to grab the flour, sweetie? It’s just in that cupboard.” He points in front of you. 

You open the door and find the sack of flower. You grab it and offer it to him. 

“You go ahead. About half cup for now.” He directs. 

“Oh, I...” 

“Just guess. Doesn’t have to be exact,” he assures. 

You nod and carefully unroll the top of the bag. You tip it over the brim and tap the side to get the powder out. You think you poured too much. You turn the bag upright. You fold it down again. 

You put it away as Andy spins the spice rack. You watch him pick out several jars. You rub your fingertips, dry from the flour. 

“Andy?” you eke out. 

“Yes, sweetie,” he says as he seasons the crumbs and flour. 

“You didn’t... didn’t just help me, you know?” You turn and twiddle your fingertips together. “I think you saved me.” 

His cheeks dimple and his blue eyes flick over to meet yours. “I’d like to think so, but...” 

“But?” 

“But it took me so long,” he shakes his head. 

“But you did! Andy. You really did.” 

His lips slant and he shrugs, “I don’t know.” 

“Andy, if you—if you never stood up to her, I wouldn’t have,” you frown. “I’m too weak for that.” 

“You’re not weak,” he insists. “You just never got a chance. She took that from you.” 

“Maybe...” you drone. 

“She did,” he says, his eyes clinging to you. His expression softens and he narrows his eyes. 

“What? What are you looking at?” You touch your face in panic. 

“You,” he smiles, letting the tension slake away. “I said it before but you really do look so beautiful.” 

“Beautiful? You didn’t say... that,” you blush. 

“Didn’t I?” He wonders. You shake your head. “Well, I’m sorry because you do. You are really beautiful.” He blinks and pokes his tongue into his cheek, turning back to the bowl as he pushes the contents around with a wooden spoon. “I don’t wanna stop looking at you.” 

“Andy,” you gasp. “You don’t have to say that.” 

“I have a bad habit of telling the truth,” he chuckles. “Sweetie, you mind getting the chicken out of the fridge?” 

“Yeah, I can do that,” you say. 

You go to the fridge and open the left-door. You find the package of drumsticks and shut the door. As you glance at Andy, he’s staring. Again. 

“I’m not trying to gawk,” he says as he takes the chicken from you. “Really. I just... can’t help myself.” 

“Andy,” you squeak again. 

“Don’t be afraid to tell me to cut it out if I keep staring,” he laughs. “But I can’t guarantee I’ll listen.” 

You smile. You can’t think of another time when anyone called you beautiful or said anything nice. It was always bad news or reprimands. The doctors were annoyed and just wanted you gone. Your mom was the same. But Andy. Andy has no obligation to you and yet you don’t feel that. You feel... wanted. 

You chest tightens and your eyes burn. The realisation is a bitter as his compliments are sweet. You turn away. 

“Do you mind if I just... check the laundry?” You ask quietly. 

There’s a lull before he answers. You can feel his gaze again. “Go ahead. You know if you need anything, you can just tell me.” 

“I know, Andy,” you traipse away. “I’ll be right back.” 

You flee into the hall and don’t stop until you’re in the laundry room. As much as you want to cry, you won’t. You wouldn’t be able to hide the evidence. No, you can do this. Just take a breath. Deep; in then out. Isn’t it wonderful how easy it is? 

🩷

Sleep nips at your eyes but you can’t quite sink beneath the surface. You’re adjusting. This house is still strange to you. Just like everything else. 

You turn onto your side, then roll the other way, back and forth as your insides stir. You can’t get them to stop. Or your brain. 

When you’re not thinking about your mom, you’re thinking about the doctors, and when you’re not thinking about them, you’re thinking about the people and things you never knew. All those missed opportunities. You blame her but you blame yourself too. You let her do this to you. 

When at last you can shove aside the memories that make you cringe and shudder, you think of Andy. He’s so nice but you think you know why. He feels bad for you. Just like those people who used to see with your tank and offer you their seat or hold the door for you. 

You think of all he’s done and how you could pay it back. How you can’t. It’s a rotten feeling to owe someone. That’s how you always felt with your mom. She never failed to remind you about everything she did for you. 

You sit up, your stomach brewing. You can’t settle down. You’re trying but the more you do, the worse it gets. 

You linger on the edge of the bed and try to figure out what to do. You need a distraction. You stare at the peek of the moon visible between the curtains. 

The house is quiet. You don’t want to wake Andy but if you stay upstairs, you’re certain you will. You get up and listen at the door. You hope he doesn’t mind... 

You go out into the hall. The house is dark. You tiptoe to the stairs and slowly put your foot down the first step. 

You’re sure you’ll get through one rerun of Law and Order and be ready to pass out. It always does the trick. As you come down to the first floor, you notice the haze from the front room. The flicker of colours along with the low buzz of voices draws you forward. 

Andy beat you to it. He’s watching The Andy Griffith Show. You remember the actors from when your grandma used to let the episodes play in the background. The last time you saw her, you were six. She’s gone now. 

You hide behind the door frame and look back at the staircase. You could try again. 

“Can’t sleep?” Andy’s voice startles you. You yelp. 

You sniff, “uh, yes. Sorry.” 

“Don’t be sorry. I can’t either,” he says. “You wanna watch something? Doesn’t have to be this?” 

You turn and peer through the door. You shrug, “if you don’t mind. You don’t have to change it.” 

“I don’t mind at all.” 

You cross the room and go around the couch. He's in a tee and a pair of shorts. They might even be boxers. You try not to stare.

You sit on the opposite corner. He offers you the remote. 

“No, please, you pick,” you wave it away. 

“Really, go ahead,” he wiggles it at you. 

“I... okay.” 

You take the remote. You look down at the buttons and reluctantly push the Guide button. You flick through, searching for something that isn’t too niche. 

“I’m just happy to have someone around,” he says as he leans back. “It’s been a long time since I that’s been the case.” He shifts a little closer. “I didn’t realise how much I missed that.” 

You keep your eyes on the screen and select Law and Order. You rest the remote on the armrest and chew your lip. You’ve always been alone but you’re starting to realise how miserable that was. 

[lotus4kino]

Jealousy — Gojo Satoru X f!reader (angsty)

Contents: flirtatious behavior with others while in a relationship, non-communicative relationship, slight gaslight/manipulation

Today’s Music Recommendation: Is There Someone Else? By The Weeknd

He was a stubborn and self-centered man, the strongest sorcerer, Gojo Satoru.

Yes, he was an excellent teacher, an encouraging man, he was most likely to be the ideal person for the most of the students in Jujutsu Tech. But this guy also figured that he can get easy access on anything just because of his angelic appearance. He had a shit load of fan girls who he could play around every time life got boring. He looked good and he knew it.

But you? you are just an ordinary girl from a decent school who is living her ordinary life, no cursed user or anything. you barely understand how these techniques works, why would anyone believe you are dating this attractive man from the Gojo Clan? even a fool would laugh at you for reaching out for something you couldn’t reach.

But you were seriously dating this guy, you were told by your friends that you should be considering yourself as lucky to have the opportunity to be in a relationship with him, but in reality, you supposed it is extremely difficult for you to hold on to that opportunity.

This man, Satoru, only had you as his side chick. You didn’t want to believe it yet the truth was bitter than you expected.

Every time you both got into an argument, he wouldn’t let it slide, instead he would play the victim card even if he was the reason you had to argue. He would act all childish and sulky about it, he had never apologize once because he knew you wouldn’t let him go, he was too precious and worthy for you to let go. he knew you were too overwhelmed by his charming appearance to let go. he knew you were hopelessly in love with him to let go.

but oh boy, he was wrong.

that day..that day when you lost it all, he lost you too.

it was raining heavily that day, you two had been remained silent for a good while now. the tension between you both was extremely intense. you actually didn’t want to talk about it, you were too exhausted to bring it up. but then you heard his phone rang, he picked it up.

“hey ladiess.. what’s up?” he slyly grinned and spoke to the phone, some feminine laughs and chatters were heard from the other side. you sighed in annoyance, you were quite done with this bullshit.

“..yeah I’m currently with a friend right now,..mhm? yeah no problems, drop y’all locations through dm, I’ll let you know when I’m picking you up.” he said, his gaze was turnt towards you before giving you a quick wink. currently that was his proper apology for labeling you as a friend.

beep, he hang up the phone and shoved it into one of his pockets. the rain didn’t seem like it’s going to stop anytime soon.

“Satoru,” you called him out through the harsh sounds of the rainfall.

“Mm?” he playfully hummed,

“let’s break up” you said, a hint of hesitation was heard in your voice as your fingers reached out for the raindrops.

finally those three words managed to escape from the mouth of yours.

“..what?” he let out a sarcastic laugh, “are you mad at me again? I’ve already told you I don’t expect you to come back once you lea-”

“Oh trust me, I decided not to waste my time fighting you over your little female friends.” you sometimes couldn’t even tell if those affectionate words and actions he did in past were just an act.

his face turnt into something serious as his eyes bored in your eyes. “then do it, why are still dating me if you can’t even understand your own boyfriend?”

“there are things called boundaries, Gojo Satoru. I never expect you would be that dense.”

Calling him dense pissed him off, a little. “For how long?”

“come again?”

“How long have you been considering to break up with me?” he looked at you like a lost puppy,

you remained quiet for a second, “I lost my count on days, but it’s certain how I don’t do decisions without thinking about its consequences, it’s for the best.”

“I see.” he mattered, a dark shadow was casted upon his face. you nodded in confirmation, your eyes never leaving the drops of the rain before you. “..i actually don’t want you to, I can promise I would do bette-”

“It’s been the fifth time you’ve been saying this, ‘think I had enough.”

“but what about our date night tomorrow, I’ve already booked a luxurious room for us?” he tried pinpointing his sacrifices for you, knowing you feel guilty every time he did this.

“you can go pick up some extra girls and invite them over if you don’t want it to go waste.” you fixed your posture, pulling the handbag on your shoulder closer to you. “thank you for everything, Satoru. having you was really nice.” a slight sadness appeared on the smile you gave him.

only the sound of the rain could be heard in the background till you clicked your heels and walked away from the white haired man, who watched you disappear in the distance.

But little do you know that he only ever meant to make you jealous, he didn’t mean to push you further away from him.

He expected you to come back to him the following days but you never did.

weeks, months, years.

he waited for you come back but you never did, and you promised yourself that you never will.

Jealousy had boundaries and it is not kinky or hot to have a person feel jealous and insecure about something you did. This could bring you to the point where the person may end up losing interest and worst, leaving you behind.

it is currently 3 am in the morning and I couldn’t sleep so I decided to write down one of my opinions on the things that has been going crazy all over the world. (I apologize if satoru is a bit a ooc, I’m feeling so sleepy that I can’t even double check my mistakes further more.)

[clockworkcontraption]

it all started rather innocently. we just found two magical rocks in our d&d campaign - one that produces heat, and another that creates water. my character (well, okay, my character was a warlock and not an artificer, so it was mostly me, really) put two and two together and figured out that this may be used as an infinite source of steam. tech level of our campaign allowed us to manufacture or commission custom parts made of metals like bronze, copper, platinum, et cetera. and so, shenanigans ensued. out of character, i devised a contraption that would shoot a blast of steam and parboil anything that stands in front of it. war crimes, yay!

so, i turned to fusion360 to produce a feasible design for this nightmare contraption. as we had access to copper and bronze, i figured out that a simple tube shape with a conical nozzle could realistically withstand the heat and hold the steam pressure. one compartment holds the water rock, the other has a copper radiator with the heat stone inside of it. pull the lever, water contacts copper, water go whoosh and boom, steam cannon! for some unknown reason, i actually turned to thermodynamics and material science to figure out how thick the tubes should be. i suppose i was just taken by fey mood and went full turbonerd on this. ah well.

then, the first prototype was finished and rendered. after some back and forth, and quite a bit of negotiating with our DM (i'm really sorry for exposing you to my bullshit, Telen) we agreed that this could feasibly be produced within our setting. but something felt off. i was not quite satisfied with how it looked.

i carried on and added a collapsible tripod for easier deployment, and a handle on the top for better portability. (realistically, of course, this contraption would be awfully heavy, and only the strongest member of our party could carry it around. ah well). and finally, i had a stroke of inspiration. or maybe just a regular stroke. i though, what if we build up the pressure instead of just releasing it immediately? what if we somehow block the main nozzle for a while, and let it cook? the blast would be much stronger when you finally release it. and so -

the final version took form. i added a sliding attachment to the main nozzle that could block the output for a while (we figured it would be reasonable for it to take a full turn in combat to build up steam pressure), and then release it through one of the nozzles. and as the final stroke, i named this abomination - "Heated Exchange".

witness.

[elslittlestories]

27 stars

or Decanting day #3

The last of this 3-part short story revolving around Tech and Wrecker's decanting day. I feel like my writing is still rusty but it was fun to play around the different POVs. If you want to discuss this or my AU in general, please feel free to slide in my DMs 😉

The whole story is available on AO3

POV: Dita (my OC)

Words count: 1 238

“The decanting process of CT-8324 [ndla: Tech], CT-8956 and CT-9732 [ndla: Wrecker] has begun,” says Zee.

“Honey, Sunshine and Baby,” I silently correct them as they start broadcasting the kid’s bio-charts on the main console.

I’m not allowed to access anything else, but after over two years of those charts have become as informative as a holovid. I can tell from Baby’s heartbeat rate that the anesthesia isn’t kicking in…I drag a stool in front of the console and sit. Please let there be a good outcome this time! I don’t think I can wait another 2 months with the nursery empty…

Ten minutes is, Honey and Sunshine seem to be having a smooth decanting, but Baby is awfully tachycardic. Soon he’ll be in respiratory distress, they always are when the anesthesia fails. Poor thing, I wish the Kaminoans would find a way to prevent that!

And here it is. Baby’s CO2 levels are skyrocketing. I clench my fist. What are they waiting for? This kid needs to be intubated!

A flash of red distracts me from Baby. Sunshine’s blood pressure has dropped dangerously! My throat tightens. Brain hemorrhage. A massive one judging by the numbers plummeting. Same thing that took the two kids from the previous batch and many more before. I don’t know what the Kaminoans are trying to do, but they’re obviously messing with something they shouldn’t if this keeps happening!

I take a glance at the board where all my kids are pinned. 17 pictures. 26 stars…They’re going to keep Sunshine for observation—and whatever experiments they’re doing—during the next 24 hours, but I already know he’s going to be the 27th star.

At least Honey is doing fine. They’re going to call me in to pick him up in a little less than an hour. Baby should be fine too in a day or two, and this place will finally be alive again.

After one last look at the screen, I slid off the stool and head to the kitchen. Opening the fridge, I smile to myself. I’ve filled it with enough blue milk to feed a squad or two. I overdid it, but I’ve been dreaming of pouring some in a baby bottle for months now!

I don’t care what the doctors say, this is the smoothest way to acclimate the kids’ tummy to proper food after having been fed through an IV for so long while they’re in their tubes. Besides, those mad scientists would have to give an ounce of care about what I do here to find out about it. As Nala Se put it during my job interview, I’ve been given total freedom to achieve their goal. Which is good little soldiers that follow orders…

I wake up with a start and it takes me a moment to remember I settled in bed with Honey to help him fall asleep. He’s curled up against me, his hand is griping my collar, and his head is resting on my arm. That’s what awoken me: I can’t feel my left hand and the rest of my arm are pins and needles.

Carefully, I shift him on my chest and flex my arm to regain sensations. He mumbles, wiggles a little before going still, his little body rising and falling to his breathing. The cards I gave him earlier are scattered all over the bed. He’s already memorized all of the species! I’ve never seen a kid like him. Asking so many questions and grasping some complex concepts so easily.

It’s a shame these children are brought to life in such awful conditions, and meant to become soldiers, but I can’t help but be thankful for the little time I get to spend with each of them. I squeeze Honey into a hug and peck the top of his head. Officially, I’m here to ensure they become obedient enough for the Kaminoans’ standard. But I’d be damned if I didn’t do my best to give them as much love and care as I can while doing so!

I hope Baby will join us tomorrow. His vitals were last time Zee checked, but like most of the kids who experienced a bumpy decanting process, he’s taking some time to wake up. It’ll be good for the boys to be together. One thing that never changes is how clones hate loneliness.

I try to focus on Honey’s breathing to prevent my mind from wandering off to those who left. I can’t help but think about 99, alone and out of reach in the main training building. I’ll have to send him a message. He’ll be happy to know about the newborns. For now, it needs to only be in…and out…and in…

Sunshine’s charts glow red on the console. Below them, Baby’s are all nominal. It’s been 24 hours, the doctors are going to call it for both of them any minute now. I twirl the star-shaped pin between my fingers.

From the corner of my eyes, I can see Honey downing his blue milk, sitting on the floor by the window. A rare ray of sun pierces through the clouds and casts its light on the floor. He reaches out to touch it, or maybe just feel the warmth.

The console beeps. Sunshine is offline. I purse my lips and walk to the board. That’s 27 little stars now…I’m not sure there’s anything waiting for us after we die, but if there is, I hope they all found each other.

“CT-9732 [ndla: Wrecker] is ready for transfer,” Zee informs me, bringing me back to reality—How long have I been staring at that board?

Honey snaps his neck to me.

“Can I go with you?”

I don’t have the heart to say no. I don’t think the doctors would care anyway. I hold out my hand and wait for him to stand up and come to take it.

“He’s still sleeping, though,” I warn him.

“How do you know?”

I point at the screen, “His heart rate is slow.”

Honey squints, then lifts his face up to me, frowning.

“It’s still early for physiology lessons,” I chuckle. “Come on, they don’t like to wait.”

We make our way to the lab’s med bay, Honey ahead, pulling at my hand me all along. I’m amazed he remembers the route! Although, the feeling is washed over by a burst of anger when I see Sunshine’s body have already been dealt with. His bed empty, the monitors turned off. It’s not exactly a surprise, but I don’t think I’ll ever get used to how fast they discard these poor kids.

I force myself to focus on Baby who’s lying on the next bed. Zee gently removes his captors and I bend over him to wrap his covers around his necked body. I slip my arms under the boy, lift him, cradle him onto my chest and adjust his position so his head nests in my neck. Someone left a gurney nearby, but I want Baby to experience human warmth as soon as possible.

Honey pats his brother on the back. With a tilt of my head, I invite him to follow me outside. There’s no need in staying in this awful place longer than we have to. As I walk out, I can feel a tug on the covers where Honey has grabbed onto the fabric. This, at least, softens my heart.

[thebadbatch]

Hii, you gorgeous self, can I request the bad batch helping a teenage reader that is a little depressed and not attending to online classes? (I’m sorry if I wrote smthg wrong, english is not my first language

A/N: Depression is so tough but I believe in you! If you ever need to talk then DM me, I'm here for you just like the Bad Batch are! I hope this is what you were hoping for! :3

The Bad Batch x Depressed!Reader

Plot: Facing depression, The Bad Batch help you through once they discover your struggle and help you attend your online class even if that does mean you all do it together. :)

Warnings: Depression and a little anxiety! Fluffy ending :3

Another great day cooped up in your bunk staring at the blank screen of your datapad, it was early and you had another online class to attend. With each second passing by, the ticking of time just felt angrier at you. You knew you had to attend the class but it was just so difficult to do so. What was stopping you? The crushing weight of anxiety against your chest or maybe the darkened clouds lurking within your mind making everything harder and harder. Sighing, you throw the datapad across your bed and drag your way through the attack shuttle, sitting in the co-pilot's seat beside Tech who gazed over at you rather confused. The boys on this ship were family and you adored them, they took you in and you became the youngest but most valued member of the team.

------------------

Online Class.

"Y/n?" He asked, putting the ship onto autopilot so he could turn to you, "Isn't there an online class you should be attending?" Whilst rolling your eyes crossed your arms. It wasn't that simple to just do it when there were so many things on your mind. Online class was the last thing to cross your mind so why was it the first on theirs?

"Don't feel like it." He hummed in response as Hunter walked in, ruffling your hair.

"Morning kid!" His cheery voice made you smile a little, even though the clark clouds were saying not to. "Haven't you got an online class to attend to?" With that you instantly stood, anger and upset taking over your body.

"Why is everybody so caught up on that?" You felt your legs pull You back to your bunk, throwing yourself against it and covering your head. You didn't want to move, why did it feel like everything was against you? 

Hearing the door slide open you just sighed and curled up to yourself, searching for some sort of comfort. 

"Hey, y/n? I heard that you got a little upset…" Echo's voice was filled with concern and love, his eyes gazing at your fragile seeming form before sitting on your bed beside you. "Are you struggling with classes, little one?" Tears were currently gathering in your eyes and you were doing your best to keep them from falling. It's not that you were struggling with classes, though they were difficult sometimes, it was just how everything felt so difficult to do. How even the smaller tusks like getting up and out of bed felt so overwhelming. "You know I'm here for you right? All of us are…" Those previous tears fell down your cheeks, sobs wracking through your body. Echo immediately held you in his arms, holding you safely and rubbing your back as the others ran in quickly due to the sound of your pain. 

"Y/n hey hey, it's okay It's gonna be just fine." You heard Wreckers voice pipe up, Lula soon within your arms as Echo held you on his lap. Hugging her tightly you couldn't help but just cry a little more, this just felt so tough to explain. Crosshair soon sat beside Echo, moving strands of hair away from your eyes and rubbing your arm.

"We've got you... What's the issue, little one?" Even Crosshair's voice was filled with concern. 

"Everything feels horrible, I'm sad constantly and online class just feels impossible so I've been skipping them…" In all honesty you had expected Tech to be upset with you, he was always so persistent about you leaning. He soon crouched before you, hads upon your knees to steady himself.

"That's understandable, things are tough lately hm?" You could only nod at his words in return, "That's okay, It's okay to be depressed - let's put you first okay? Kriff online class, let's do Tech's class!" You laughed lightly at his swear, Hunter slapping his shoulder and scolding him for swearing. "Ahem, my bad. But why don't we lend and look around for a while?" Nodding lightly, you offered him a light smile.

"Okay." With that he rushed away with his own Smile, leading the ship to a nearby quiet planet he just knew you'd love.

"My turn to hold them." You heard Cross speak as he held you in his arms with a soft smile. Echo pouted a little but nodded as he kept you safe.

"It's going to be alright, we're with you - things will feel better soon."

Time had passed and you were now being held by Hunter, Lula still in your arms once the ship had landed. Wrecker soon laughed and lifted you with ease, holding you on his shoulder eager to see the world around you all. Once you had stepped out, the warm sunshine hit your face in a greeting hug whilst the land before you practically shone in vibrant colours. Tech smiled after making Wrecker put you down, taking your hand and leading you to the tall grass that stood against the tree flowering above you.

"Depression is tough, but I wanted to show you that this universe holds many secrets and locations that are waiting for you. The world isn't just class, so I don't want you feeling bad for putting your health first." Nodding lightly, Tech took in a gentle breath, passing you a flower. "You're so important to us, I can't Stress that enough. Let's take things Step by step okay?" He gently tucked the flower behind your ear before chuckling as the others arrived, hands filled with a variety of flowers they had picked for you.

"Let us know when you're ready and we'll take the online class with you!" Wrecker smiled as he spoke, the sun still leaving you warm.

It wasn't until the next day that you were ready to take the class, but when you were the boys had squeezed onto your bunk with you which made your teacher confused, but they continued anyway. It was an eventful lesson in all honesty as Tech ended up correcting your teacher so much he hacked the class, muted the teacher and taught everybody himself. Crosshair had fallen asleep on you, Echo was beyond confused so you had to help him out. Wrecker had gotten himself a little too excited with yelling and cheering whilst Hunter was trying to keep them all under control. It felt better, the Cloud would heal soon and they'd stay with you and face it with you no matter what. 

[chuckbass-love]

Hey! Chris x reader slow burn? I don’t have a clear idea but.. just slow burn, OMG.

I’ve not done much slow burn. I mean my Andy series was kinda, my Ransom fic was and my new ransom series has been kinda. But yeah i love this. Slow burn is some of my fave stuff to read. 

Reader is going to be a singer/actress in this! 

I hope you love this as i’m feeling very insecure about it. Let me know, feedback is always welcome.

Disclaimer: My work is not to be posted anywhere else other than MY Tumblr, Wattpad and Ao3 without my permission. However, reblogs are welcome.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warning: Slow burn, fluff and smut...MAYBE 😉

Word Count: 5,694

Summary: You and Chris are about to become co-stars in a new movie. You meet him when you attend the Oscars and from the second your eyes meet, a crush develops on both parts. But it’s not as easy to admit your feelings. 

GIF NOT MINE!!! Credit to @itsagentromanoff go check them out ❤️

Worth The Wait

As an actor, Chris Evans is used to women fawning over him and pretty much throwing themselves his way. He’s got the ladies right where he wants them. He’s no heartbreaker, not intentionally anyway but he has been around the block a couple times.

When it comes to you on the other hand, your the polar opposite. You’ve only had one serious relationship. Sure guys ask you out or slide into your DM’s but you pay them no mind. You prefer to focus on your career. 

You’re currently on track to release some new music. You’re also preparing to start shooting scenes for a new movie in the next couple of months. A romance movie. As soon as you got the part you found out about who would be your love interest. It’s Chris Evans.

As an actress and a woman in the industry, you obviously know who he is, you don’t live under a rock. He’s been in lots of movies that you’ve seen. He’s also very handsome, you can’t deny that. But you won’t be the one to fall at his feet. That isn’t your style. You prefer the subtle approach.

Tonight is the first time that you’re attending the Oscars and to say that you’re nervous would be the understatement of the century. It’s a day in the hairdressers chair with a makeup artist in the afternoon and a nail tech too. Your dress is at your house, hung up on the rack ready to put on last minute.

“So what are we going for today?” your hairdresser asks, you show her some images and she gets to work on what you requested. It has to be perfect. You have to make a good impression.

-----------------

4:30pm

Makeup done, nails done, hair done. Time for the finishing touch, your dress.

Your car pulls up to your house, ready to take you there, the nerves are flooding your body but you have your best guy friend with you, Jason. He’s your date tonight.

“Calm yourself, you’ll be fine” he’s always reassuring you whenever your anxiety hits full force.

“I just don’t know what to expect” he rests his hands over yours before handing you a glass of champagne. 

“Get this down you, it’ll help” you can’t help but giggle, taking the glass and drinking all of the contents in it. 

Whether you’re ready or not for the red carpet, you’re here. No turning back.

As you step out, your friend helps you. You’re wearing a full length red dress with black heels. You’re bombarded with flashes and shouting. Photographers calling for you to look their way. 

You walk onto the carpet, posing with your friend when you stop for the cameras. He wraps his arm around you and you smile as he whispers in your ear about all the camera men getting excited thinking that you two are a couple. He already knows the questions that you’re going to be asked. 

‘Is he your boyfriend?’

‘How long have you been together?’

You have the perfect response ready if that happens. He steps out of your way briefly so you can get some solo pics taken, this isn’t actually that bad. Posing for the cameras that is. It’s quite annoying with everyone shouting at you to look at them but aside from that, you’re enjoying it.

As you walk further up the carpet you hear everyone screaming “CHRIS OVER HERE” 

It’s Chris Evans. The leading man for your new movie. He looks good. More than good. He’s hot. But you won’t let that show. 

Chris pulls Scott back to him when they finish taking solo pictures. Ready to take more with them two together. Scott starts laughing at something the photographers say before noticing Chris not paying attention.

“Earth to Chris” he snaps his fingers in his face, following his eye line, that’s when he discovers what’s got his brother so distracted, or should he say who.

You’re stood there, laughing your head off with a guy, your smile is the type of smile that has everyone around smiling along with you. 

It’s infectious, just like your laugh. You look absolutely gorgeous. 

He knows exactly who you are, he’s heard your music and the movies you’ve done. He also knows that you’re playing his love interest for his new upcoming movie. Now he’s seen you in person he can tell he’ll have no trouble with intimate scenes. 

He watches you until he feels Scott tugging at his arm and just before he looks away, you look up, your eyes meet. For a split second. 

And in that second, he feels something. A crush developing. It sounds crazy, he doesn’t even know you but he feels some type of way.

Your eyes meet his blue ones, only for a second but it has your heart beating fast. He really is beautiful. You’re looking forward to working with him. 

All of the celebrities make their way into the building ready for the event to start, you’re guided to your table.

You’re sitting with the man himself. It’s like there’s a god up there plotting all of this, forcing you together. You can’t complain though. 

“So, you’re Y/N then?” he pipes up, rubbing his hands together before lifting a glass to his pink lips, they look so soft. You wonder what it would be like to kiss them. But remember, you need to keep it subtle.

“Yeah, i heard i’ll be working with you soon” he nods his head “Indeed, i look forward to it” Scott and your date look back and forth between the two of you, the chemistry is painfully obvious between you and Chris. 

---------------

Since both of your plus ones have left to go to the toilet, he moves over to sit next to you. Not caring about how it looks to everyone around.

“How long have you and Jason been together?” you can’t help but giggle, you knew people would assume things.

“He’s not my boyfriend, he’s my best friend. I’m single by the way if that’s what you were trying to find out” he sighs at his failed attempt.

He can’t believe that you just sassed him. It makes him like you more. He’s intrigued, he wants to find out more. Whether that’s going to be possible in this setting is the one question on his mind. That and the question of asking you for your number before the others come back.

“Listen, i don’t usually do this but since we’re going to be working together anyways. I just wondered if maybe i could get your number. We can try and find time to hang out, get to know each other a bit better before shooting starts” you bite back the smile that tugs at the corners of your mouth, giving him your best poker face.

“I mean, i suppose that could be handy. Sure” your voice normal, your facial expressions are dead serious as you type your number into his iPhone. 

He grins as he moves back to his seat and minutes later Scott and Jason return. They both take their seats and the show resumes. Cameras are rolling so you try your best to look good in case you’re caught in the footage, checking yourself out in your pocket mirror quickly.

This night is going really well so far. 

You like Chris of course you do, he’s handsome, charming and polite. But as much as you’re looking forward to kissing him and getting close you have to admit that he’s not your usual type. You also have your reservations about ever going there with him if he tried it.

You don’t date co stars, not whilst you’re filming with them anyways. It’s unprofessional, a rule you’ve not broken so far but will he make it difficult for you? That’s another thing entirely.

--------------------

It’s a Wednesday afternoon and you’re chilling at home today. Shooting for your movie starts next weekend and you’re taking all the time you can to work on some new music and take some much needed pamper time.

You sit there in your studio, writing lyrics and figuring out a beat when you hear your phone ringing. There’s a huge pile of sheet music in the way, you start moving it to find your phone sat there. Chris’s name on the screen.

“Hello” you greet

“Well hello to you too, someone sounds very happy to hear from me” he chuckles, making your heart flutter. 

“Oh, can’t you tell, i’m jumping up and down from all the excitement” he can’t hold back his laughter, trying to stop it so he can actually speak.

“What are you up to today?”

“Currently, i’m song writing. Yourself?” he hums in response “not a lot, i was wondering if you wanted to try and hang out? Get to know each other, shooting starts next weekend and i barely know who i’m going to be kissing” he’s cheeky and very flirtatious, you gotta give him his props. He knows how to woo the ladies. But you’re not buying any of this. He probably does this with all of this leading ladies.

As much as you want to swoon and give in, you have to stay professional and protect your heart. He’s dangerously handsome, the dream personality that every girl wants a guy to have. He’s perfect but you could get hurt if you step over that line.

You decline his invite, making an excuse about getting this song done. He sounds quite sad as he hears your rejection. 

“Well, i guess i’ll leave you to it then. Maybe we can do it another time” you agree, hanging up the phone.

You feel silly for declining his invite. But you have stuff to do, you also know that if you start hanging out, you’ll catch feelings. 

Little do you know, catching feelings for one Chris Evans is inevitable. It’ll sneak up on you.

-------------

“Chris and Y/N to set please” the director shouts, summoning the two of you. It’s your first scene with him. He spots you and smiles as you get closer.

“Oh if it isn’t miss unavailable” he mocks, you shove him playfully “Or maybe i was just trying to shake you off” he rolls his eyes. You both check over the script before the cameras start rolling.

Your character is sat in a cafe when his character strolls in with his friends. He looks around when his eyes fall on you. You’re sat there reading a book, sipping at your coffee when you hear them all making a bunch of loud noises. 

You look up and your eyes meet and in this moment, it doesn’t even feel like acting. It feels real. 

“You guys go ahead, i’ll catch up” he practically rushes his friends out of the door before sitting across from you.

“Wait, people actually read nowadays?” you scoff at his attempt to be funny, finishing up your drink and packing your stuff away. 

Just like in real life, he can’t catch a break with you. You aren’t giving him the time of day.

“I didn’t mean to offend you” you roll your eyes, turning back to him. 

“If you think some comment about books is going to offend me then let me just say that you’ll have to work a lot harder” you storm out of the building, away from him. 

The director yells cut. You head over to him for some feedback. He seems very happy with how the scene worked out. He gives a couple of tips for the next scene. He wants your character to bump into Chris’s character at work, leading him to mock you and get cocky about you stalking him.

You take a couple of sips from your water bottle before continuing. Shooting the next scenes. He keeps messing up, causing you to be there longer. Shooting the same one over and over. Next take he gets it, you don’t mess up once. You feel quite smug about it. He’s the professional, you’re the amateur and he’s the one messing up his lines. How ironic.

It’s time for a break, you head back to your trailer, sitting down and flicking through your phone. You hear a knock on your door. “Come in” you call out, he enters. 

“Following me around i see” you giggle

“Nice sarcasm. Very funny. Have i done something wrong?” you furrow your brows in confusion. 

“No, why?” maybe your stand offish attitude and poker face expression has clearly been too good.

“You just seem really off with me. Rejecting any invitation i made to hang out last week. Rushing off set when they called for a break. Seems like you don’t want to be around me” you shrug him off.

“There’s no issue, i didn’t mean to give that impression. It might just be my nerves. I’m sorry” you feel awful. You never intended to take your professionalism too far. Clearly you’ve come across as a stuck up bitch. Like you’re too good for him, that’s not the case.

“It’s cool. Look if it helps with the nerves, i was the same when it came to Captain America. I almost turned the role down and missed out on it because of my anxiety. But you just gotta take a deep breath and remind yourself that you’re here because you’re talented and clearly the best woman for the role” 

You feel taken back by him. He’s really down to earth. A quality you didn’t expect to be real in him. You’ve seen interviews and heard lovely things about him before but a lot of celebrities have a way of acting one way in public and another behind closed doors.

That very clearly isn’t the case for him. He’s real. Genuine and very soft in person. 

The fact that he took the time to come and see if you were okay and to squash any tensions. He didn’t have to but he did. It’s nice and endearing to see.

“Thank you, honestly i appreciate it. I’m just a bit off my game. I’ve not done much in terms of movie roles and this is only my 3rd role so i’m trying to get better with nerves” he flashes you a reassuring smile before standing up.

“I’m going to get some snacks, you coming?” you throw your phone in your bag and head out with him, accepting his offer this time.

“So what music are you working on?” he asks, shoving some fruit into his mouth.

“Just music, i don’t want to give too much away and risk boring you with the details” he waves it off “you could never be boring” your cheeks heat up but you continue to eat to ignore it.

“Seriously, you can’t just sing me something?” he begs, giving you his best puppy dog eyes. 

“Guess you’ll have to wait for that Evans”

“What’s your deal anyways?” you ask as you finish up with your food and head back to set. 

“What do you mean?” you shrug “your relationship status duh. I mean i think i’ve shared a lot with you today. It’s your turn” he nods “I’m single unfortunately. 39 and still single, quite pathetic i know” you stop walking, turning to him.

“Dude, snap. You’re not pathetic don’t worry. I feel the same occasionally being 28 and still single when all my friends have kids and are married but it happens. Love works in mysterious ways. It’ll happen when it’s supposed to” 

It’s true. As much as you feel lonely, you know things will fall into place soon. So you try not to stress to much.

You get back to set and continue with filming. It’s gonna be a long day.

----------------

You make your way back to the trailer, preparing to get some sleep but you feel your phone buzz when you pull the covers over you. 

‘I can’t sleep, fancy watching a movie?’ 

This screams trouble. You already spent some time with him off set today. 

Fuck it.

‘Sure, come over?’ 

You don’t get a response but a knock at the door distracts you.

“You brought snacks” you chirp, spying the chocolate in his hands. He walks in, kicking his shoes off and making his way to the bedroom area. 

“Someone’s making themselves at home” he grabs the remote, flicking through your Netflix that you set up on the tv. 

“How about a horror” you suggest, he agrees and clicks on IT. 

You both sit there, chatting whilst barely watching it. 

He tells you about his dog Dodger, showing you pictures and videos of his cute pup. 

“I just want to cuddle him, he’s the cutest” you coo as you urge for him to show you another. You move closer to him, a bit too close as you watch. 

Once the video finishes you look at him, realising that your face is inches away from his. You instantly back away. Almost as if his presence gives you an electric shock. 

“Longest relationship” way to change the subject.

“6 years” you respond, the memories of it all come back. He motions for you to elaborate.

“The relationship wasn’t all bad. It was good for the first year or two. Then it just got boring, we both stayed because we got comfortable. Relaxed. I guess It was easy to be with someone who despite me not loving him, we both knew one another inside out and there was no need to make too much effort. Eventually we both realised that it had to end. There was no hard feelings, we’re still friends. He’s married now with a son” 

You feel a little sad that he managed to find his soul mate, his person. the woman he truly loves. And yet you’re stuck in this rut. 

“How about you?” you change the subject before he can comment on how bothered you look.

“5 years, it wasn’t a bad break up either just didn’t work out i guess. It happens and now here i am. Single too. Just going about my life. Wondering if i’ll ever marry and have kids” he chuckles, you can see the embarrassment in his face. The way he’s looking down to avoid your eyes. 

He feels a sense of sadness too. He wants a family, this isn’t new information. You’ve seen the interviews. He’s always said he wants a big family. But he’s still alone and no closer to achieving that.

The more you talk to him, the more you like him. He’s so genuine and sweet. He’s got a heart of gold, you can see it so easily. Not a bad or mean bone in his body. 

Why on earth is he single?

He’s the dream boyfriend, the guy that pretty much most girls want. He’s sensitive, romantic and sexy. 

This will forever be a mystery after tonight. You feel like you know each other inside and out now.

It’s nice.

As time ticks by, it’s getting later. It’s now midnight and you’re focusing on the movie, you turn to make a joke about one of the scenes but he’s fast asleep next to you. You throw some of the duvet over him before lying down yourself and turning the tv off. 

---------------

The sunlight almost blinds you, forcing you awake. You desperately reach to shut the blinds but a voice stops you dead in your tracks.

“Wakey wakey” It’s Chris.

“We’re needed on set in half an hour. So get up sleepy head” he teases, throwing a pillow at you. You jump up out of bed, chasing him with said pillow. Ready to throw it back to him.

“Oh you are a grumpy one in the mornings. I shoulda known” you can’t even be mad, he’s so positive and smiley. You just toss the pillow to the ground and head to shower.

You step out to find him in the lounge area, coffee cups in his hands. He hands you one. 

You check the time to see you have 15 minutes left to get ready. You waste no time in downing your coffee and rushing to change before heading out with him to hair and makeup. 

The women both get to work on the two of you. Chris starts cracking jokes and playing music to lighten everyones mood. It works.

You only have two scenes today before you’re free to do whatever you want. Chris however has 4 scenes.

--------------

You finish the final one, you messed up a couple times but it’s all good. It was just a mixture of nerves and not remembering lines. You soon perfected it though.

A smell of bacon and fresh fruit fills your nose. Food time. You head into the kitchen to grab some and halfway through, Chris joins. He plonks himself down on the bench opposite you, a huge grin plastering his face.

“What do you want?” your voice laced with suspicion “nothing just wanted to eat my lunch with my new best friend” you giggle, stuffing pineapple in your mouth and starting a conversation with him about politics.

He’s really into his politics and you figured you should get into it too. You should really start paying attention and taking an interest in what’s happening around you.

He gets onto the topic of his new project A Starting Point. Telling you all about it and everything he has planned for it. It’s refreshing to hear. A guy that’s sexy, smart, sensitive and romantic. He really is the full package. 

If Chris is being honest with himself, he has a huge urge to kiss you right now. The way you’re taking an interest in his new project, asking him questions and really making an effort. It’s a turn on for him for sure. A huge one. It’s obvious that he’s attracted to you, everyone can see it. Everyone but you that is.

You’re not showing any signs of reciprocating the same feelings or even that you’ve noticed how he feels. But that’s what makes him like you more. You’re so chill around him. You treat him like a normal person not a celebrity. You want to know normal things rather than about his career as an actor.

“I can’t believe you saw me in the morning, i must have looked rough” you laugh, covering your face with your hands.

“You could never look rough so shush. You looked cute” you feel your cheeks heat up at his compliment. You can’t help but feel shy.

He’s saying all the right things. 

This crush is going to be the death of you.

----------

Filming has flown by. You’re on your last two days and you feel emotional. The only scenes that are left are the intimate ones. The sex scenes. It’s daunting to film but you have to face it head on.

Your crush on Chris and his crush on you has really developed. You’ve spent weeks flirting non stop but nothing much has come of it. Just that you’ve gotten closer. It’s friendship only as far as you both know. Neither one of you have admitted these secret feelings. Both of you unaware of the other feeling the same.

You walk onto set ready to face this scene head on. He flashes you a reassuring smile as you start the scene at the directors call. 

“Can you ever forgive me” 

“I don’t know” 

“What if i was extra nice from now on” 

He stalks closer to you, his hands snaking around your waist, pulling you flush against him.

He lowers his head down, kissing at your sweet spot, biting too. A soft moan escapes your lips and he stops. He lifts his head, his eyes meet yours and a smile grows on both of your faces. 

The director yells cut and you both have a quick drink before resuming.

No direct kissing happens yet, just some teasing neck kisses and flirtatious comments.

Once the day draws to a close you head back to your trailer, not realising that Chris is hot on your heels.

You shut your trailer door but it opens again. He rushes in like there’s an emergency. 

“You okay?”

“I’m good, i just wanted to talk to you about the scenes that we’re doing tomorrow” 

You gesture for him to take a seat, you sit down beside him, letting him talk.

“They are quite intimate and raunchy should i say, i just want to make sure that you’re comfortable with doing that with me” 

This is cute. He cares to check that you’re comfortable.

You reassure him that you are.

“Chris it’s fine. Thank you though, i appreciate this. But i’ll have no trouble doing those scenes with you” your eyes widen. Way to put your foot in it.

His eyes meet yours, a questioning look on his face but you find a way to change the subject.

You escaped that one by the skin of your teeth. He’s bound to bring it up again.

Hopefully he doesn’t.

-------------

Final day of filming has just begun. The scenes are seconds away from starting. 

Your character and Chris’s character are sitting on a couch. The energy right now has your pussy quite literally throbbing. He smells so good and he looks even better.

“You know the effect you have on me right” he says, barely above a whisper. 

“Why don’t you prove it” 

He picks you up, pulling you onto him to straddle his lap. His hands rest on your waist before gliding to grip your ass. 

Another moment where you don’t think this is going to be acting for you.

This is all you’ve wanted since you met the guy.

“You sure?” you nod your head in response to his question before he crashes his lips to yours. You can see fireworks.

It’s passionate, all consuming and he’s quite literally taking your breath away.

You continue to make out, moving positions so he’s standing up, carrying you. He leads you to the bed in the same room. As he lays you down, he breaks from the kiss, looking at you like he’s looking into your soul. 

The director yells cut and you both pause to get feedback before continuing. The heat between the two of you is evidently clear. It’s not acting. It’s real. It’s like all of the flirting and sexual tension has built up and is finally coming out in this scene. At least the chemistry will be believable to the viewers.

Once you finish the scene. It’s a wrap.

You’re relieved. The last couple months has been pure torture. Acting with him. Fighting urges and temptations. 

Everyone claps as you all hug.

You have one more night in the trailer before heading home tomorrow.

It’s not a boring night though, you’re too distracted over that kiss earlier to care about being in complete darkness.

You fall asleep shortly after, eager to get back to L.A.

------------

It’s home time and you bend down trying to shut your suitcase. A couple of groans and sex like sounds escape your mouth.

“Knock knock. Oh shit” he chuckles, stepping inside to find you bent over, packing.

You stand upright, turning immediately.

“Sorry did i interrupt something?” he holds his hands up “not at all. Just this suitcase testing my patience” he walks over kneeling down to help. 

“Sit on it for me” he instructs, you listen, sitting down.

He starts pulling at the zip and it budges slightly but not properly. He pulls harder and as he’s leaning back he bumps into you, knocking you backwards and onto the floor. You burst into a fit of laughter. He kneels down next to you to help you.

You’re a ball on the floor, laughing and snorting as you try to get up, you fail and probably look ugly but to him you’re beautiful. He brushes a strand of hair out of your face, bringing you back down to earth. You sit up and eventually zip your suitcase up. 

You turn to walk away but he pulls you back to him.

Chest to chest. Eyes locked on his. His breath fans your face. He smells incredible.

“I um, should probably get going. My ride is here” you gulp. His hand rests on your waist before his grip loosens. 

His time is up.

“If you ever want to hang out though, we don’t live far from each other. It won’t be hard to keep in touch” he starts but you finish it “sure, i’d like that” and with that, you leave him standing there alone.

----------

You’ve been back in L.A for a week now, still no text from him. It is what it is though, he doesn’t owe it to you.

The day goes quickly. You lounge around the house all day, bored with nothing to do. That’s when your phone buzzes.

‘Fancy hanging out? I’m going out of my mind here’

‘Sure’

He offers to pick you up, to hang out at his place. He can’t leave his dog alone. You give him your address and wait for him to arrive, setting your alarms and running out to meet him. He had a lot of security to get past just to get to your house. Luckily with him being famous too, he has the same precautions in place. 

You get into the his car and head back to his place. The chat on the way is mostly about what you’ve both been up to and turns out you’re both massive introverts and have done sweet fuck all.

It doesn’t take long to reach his place. Just as he pulls into his garage he warns you about Dodger.

“Just so you know, he’ll be hyper. I’ve not had anyone over in a while. Especially a woman” you shake it off and the second you step foot into his house Dodger comes running, jumping up and tackling you until you fall to the floor.

You don’t care though, you love dogs. And Dodger is just the cutest ever.

He licks your face and you pet him, settling him.

“Dodge, come on boo boo” he whistles and the excited pup sits, wagging his tail.

“He’s all good don’t worry. I had dogs growing up. I’m used to it” he leads you to the kitchen, offering you a drink to which you decline. 

You start wondering through his house, not realising that he’s following closely behind. 

“You’ve got such a nice house you know”

“I tried with the decor but had to call Scott in for help”

“It’s nice th-”

“I’m sorry i can’t do this” he let’s out a deep breath.

“Do what?”

You get closer and he crashes his lips to yours.

You kiss him back, your arms wrapping around his neck loosely. His hands fall to your ass again.

His tongue swipes across your bottom lip, nudging you to part them and make way for him. You happily oblige. The kiss soon gets heated. He taps the back of your thighs. You jump and he starts walking, carrying you to what looks like his bedroom. He lays you down onto the bed.

You break away, panting.

“That was so worth the long wait. God i’ve wa-”

You pull him down by the collars of his shirt, connecting your lips back to his. His hands lift your shirt off before removing his own. Your hands fiddle with his belt buckle, rushing to get him naked. He spots your need, standing up to help you out. 

As he does, you rid yourself of your clothes, laying there in nothing but your panties.

He looks down, examining you. In complete awe of the sight.

“Please” you beg, he slides your panties off.

He knows what you want, he doesn’t have to even guess.

This is just what you wanted. From day one. 

All the sexual tension is coming out to play. He slides a condom down his hard length, sliding into you straight away.

Your pussy stretches around him, making room.

He’s the biggest you’ve ever had that’s for certain.

“Feel good?” he asks, you hum, wrapping your legs around him.

“You’re so tight baby” he grunts, picking his pace up slightly. You pull him down and kiss him before breaking away and propping yourself up on your elbows, watching as his cock disappears inside of you.

It feels so amazing. You don’t ever want it to end.

“God, just like that. Fuck” you bite at your bottom lip, your eyes locked on his as he fucks you. He kisses your leg as he holds them up.

Soon enough, as you’re getting used to the mind blowing pleasure, he switches things up.

He flips the two of you over so you’re straddling him. 

You start bouncing up and down, grinding as he bottoms out. He pulls you down so he can take matters into his own hands. 

His pace picks up again, getting quicker than before. 

“Shit” you groan, head falling into the crook of his neck.

“Come on baby, cum for me” he encourages, whispering naughty things to you as he holds your body like it was made just for him. 

“Oh god Chris” your pussy starts to throb, your walls flutter around him. You’re falling over that edge, that sweet release consuming you.

“Just like that baby. I’m right behind you”  and with that. He twitches and groans. His mouth falls open as he reaches his. 

He looks so sexy like this. You’re both naked and vulnerable.

This isn’t like any sex that you’ve had before. This was romantic and intimate. It was sexy and nasty too at some parts. It was perfect.

“You know, i’ve wanted to do that since that night at the Oscars” you chuckle, agreeing with him.

“Me too. I’m glad we didn’t though. Clearly all of that build up helped us act better” you both burst into laughter. You’re not wrong.

You don’t know where this leaves you but for now you just want to live in the moment.

-------------

General Tag List:  @deadlymistress24 @coffeebooksandfandom @princess-evans-addict @chris-butt @holtzkinnon @mychemicalimagines @llamadelreyx @haus-of-bitch-talk @buckstaybucky @thewinchestergirl1208 @chrissquares @patzammit @adriannajackson @dummiesshort @cevans-fics 

Just Chris & His Characters Tag List: @onetwo3000 @persephonequeenofthedead

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!

[marzipanandminutiae]

The appeal of DMs, so far as I see it, is like. hm. brief list:

character limits that are long enough to let you get out a complex thought (Apple’s iMessage has no character limit and lets you send files between devices but regular SMS messaging doesn’t)

easier to send links to YouTube, Tumblr, etc

file sharing

formatting - bold, italics, etc

custom emoji on Discord servers

cross-platform message saves - you can bring up Messenger or Twitter/Instagram/Reddit on your computer and keep going from there

the messages send and receive faster than texts

if you’re on Discord for servers (which a lot of people are) you can slide over from a DM to a server conversation to a group chat back to DMs again

you can chat with people online without having to exchange personal information

if you’re closeted or otherwise trying to keep things from your parents it’s easier to do that with an online account than from your phone bc transcripts of your texts are available as part of your phone bill

end to end encryption with apps like Signal

if you have international friends they can DM you or voice chat with you for free via messenger apps but not via phone

I hope that helps? I’m also 27 but I mod a fandom server with teenagers in it and that’s their rationale

All very interesting; I appreciate their input.

The “closeted queer youth” part is something I’d forgotten from my own teenage  years, but it’s true- my mother was very homophobic, and I wouldn’t have had much access to those resources at all without unmonitored Internet. One of my big saving graces was that she didn’t understand cell phones or computers at all. So that’s definitely a valuable side of giving teens more access to tech.

(I used to get one of my friends and her secret girlfriend on three-way phone calls when I was home alone, and then just leave the phone in another room with the door shut so they could talk without any parents knowing. I think I lived right between that being ruinously expensive and the widespread availability of smartphones.)

I recognize that it’s more nuanced than just “kids should never have access to technology” and that it’s something I’ll have to really give a lot of thought before I actually have kids. It’s definitely A Lot, though, one way or another. 

[drangues]

ansbwjjcnw I still gotta read it but my motivation to Do New Shit is. So very low right now. All I want are naps. BUT I’m sure an art of Tangled!Dazatsu from you would look really nice, if you decide to draw it! ALSO GOOD LUCK ON YOUR TEST IM ROOTING FOR YOU, make sure you get enough sleep and eat something filling!!! Anyways, let’s be honest- Dazai and Chuuya only get worse when their attention flustered their boyfriends. (Nyanon, 1/7)

This is because (A) they think Flustered BFs are fucking adorable, and also (B) they know this means that their boyfriends haven’t been appreciated much and that means War (on their low self image). Also I love the implication that rich kid!Dazai and Chuuya’s natural reaction to being Pissed at each other is to spoil Atsushi or Akutagawa. It’s great. And! That is: EXACTLY. What I’m saying. (Nyanon, 2/7)

I can imagine them as that one post of the writer and the artist throwing chapters and pictures at each other, ahaha. Dazai practically being the embodiment of a chaotic author is Very Fitting, he writes when he writes and in whatever genre strikes him. No, there’s no need to worry about him, he’s definitely not living on coffee and spite alone. And Atsushi is definitely the type to mostly stick to fluffy drawing, I think! (Nyanon, 3/7)

He can definitely do other things, but he probably finds drawing cute stuff comforting. Also Kyouka likes the super cute ones and he’s pretty much willing to draw whatever to keep the baby sis happy. I also imagine that he’d do commissions? Because it never hurts to have an additional source of income. Except he’s a pushover when people tell him his prices are “too high” or something, so Kyouka has to put her foot down and tell him to Not give in, haha. (Nyanon, 4/7)

(It’s okay Dazai, I’m an attention whore to. I want to be complimented too much.) And! Poor Atsushi, haha, he probably wasn’t expecting his favorite author to say he liked his art? He probably keysmashes and then draws a cute little doodle for another one of Dazai’s fics and then Dazai is just. Gone. Also ten bucks says that their first DM interaction is Dazai saying something memey. It just feels like something he’d do. (Nyanon, 5/7)

And a bonus: Kyouka does really deep analyses of different shows and books and games, and occasionally on fanfiction as well. Kunikida makes a comprehensive, huuuge post on the lore Igor different series because I feel like he’d enjoy doing something like that? Just like, organizing the background and making it more understandable, if that makes sense? I’m not sure what Chuuya would but I get the distinct sense of someone who makes edits and aesthetics from Akutagawa. (Nyanon, 6/7)

Yosano and Ranpo both probably have that weird “list of questionable shit the authors need answers to” blog or something... I’m in too deep. Help. But! Have another Concept: Faking dating jealousy cliche, with Dazatsu and Chuuaku. Basically, Chuuya decides that he and Atsushi should pretend to be a couple to see if it’ll get their crushes attention. Cue confusion and jealousy from Dazai and Akutagawa, who may or may not have realized their own feelings. (Nyanon, 7/7)

dude dont worry i was joking there no pressure!! and felt. right now im so sleep deprived and studying for a test and i have oTHER ASSIGNMENTS TO DO- its all draining, and i mainly feel bad because i havent posted any art, but i do know that fandom is not a job but a hobby and its okay that i take my time

also kyouka being his number one supporter is just!! so!! cute!!! in my opinion kyouka would be that very young but hella good with technology in the fandom like, she would make gifs and edits in an INSTANT and when everyone learns shes fourteen theyre like W H A T?? either way, shes the one who probably shows atsushi the ropes of digital art and has the vibes of that young tech person in a show that definitely can hack into any government files. (as a joke she would most definitelly do an edit of “dazai” except its just screenshots of his fics and some lines here and there with some dramatic effects and sexy music. atsushi wont admit that he has it downloaded)

dazais way to start a conversation is definitely sending a random meme to get it going, since atsushi would be too shy to initiate conversations

also kyouka doing deep analysises is so her!! she would probably even start a youtube channel where she explains everything in that robot voice and funny editing but no one can lie that all her videos are very in depth.

OH GOD KUNIKIDA IS THE TYPE TO GATHER ALL THE FACTS OF A SHOW, POST ABOUT IT. EXPLAIN THE MAGIC SYSTEM FOR ANYONE THATS CONFUSED. IF THERES AN ANIME WITH A CONFUSING PLOT THAT YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN?? KUNIKIDA IS YOUR MAN. HE CAN EXPLAIN ALL OF JOJO SEAMLESSLY AND DOES MANY REVIEWS ON ANIMES AND GATHERS ALL SORTS OF LORES MEANWHILE YOSANO AND RANPO ARE THE MORE CRACKHEADED ANALYSTS (when the three collab its just kunikida trying to be serious while yosano and ranpo do the fuckboy lip bite behind him and then throw in jokes and “author if you do not explain why these two characters are a little too fruity ill personally use my chainsaw on you” “why are these two siblings even together, wHY ARE THEY IN THE SAME BED-”)

dude. i feel like chuuya and atsushi would fake date and it would be for akutagawa. atsushi definitely wants to tell dazai about this but chuuya is afraid dazai will run his dumb mouth, plus when they “announce” it chuuya just Sees how dazais demeanor changes and is like “you know what,,lets keep this up” (either way akutagawa would end up crying like a loser in front of chuuya and chuuya would feel so bad for even fake dating to make him jealous meanwhile dazai is just mad that he couldnt have internalised his feelings and bottle them up “you just H A D to date the slug, my biggest pet peeve!!! if it was anyone else i wouldve MAYBE let it sLIDE-”)

[onelastbreath-writes]

On Bruce And Texting:

Author’s Note: Hello and welcome, this is my first properly written fic, originally posted to my AO3, and now that I have finally created a writing blog, it’s here as well. Please enjoy!!  AO3.  Masterlist

Warnings: Hopefully none, its all cute and fluff <3

Summary: Bruce Wayne texts like he's sending correspondences to the Queen, so of course the little monsters he calls children just have to make fun of him! Brats, the lot of them, but he wouldn't have them any other way.

Features: Bruce Wayne/Selina Kyle, all the bats and birds, mentions JL, no crime fighting, only family fluff, jokes and nods to Millennial and GenZ shenanigans.

Word Count: 2.7k

---

Billionaire, genius, tech expert, father of many children, and all around up-to-date-with-just-about-everything type of person he may be, it is also a well-known Fact that Bruce Wayne, the Batman(TM) himself, can’t text to save his life.

Whether it’s due to his Very Proper English Upbringing, his inability to be informal via written correspondences of any type, his indifference, or the fact that it bothers his children so much, Bruce Wayne has not and never will text with anything less than perfect grammar, spelling, and formality. If he has not sent you a proper letter (featuring a dedication, indentation for every paragraph, signature, and post-script when applicable), he did, in fact, not send you that text. Informality is not his Batman Way(TM) according to his children... he’s not too sure what that even means, but it makes his young ones laugh so it’s probably fine?  

His oldest children (Richard and Jason) were raised in the time of Change, where computers, internet access, social media, and all things similar were only just being introduced into households en-masse. They were young enough to remember a time without such devices and connectivity (both for very different reasons, of course, but they grew up without the newest technology none-the-less). They could understand his relationship to the digital environment more so than his younger children, but they still tended to poke fun at his ‘texting blunders’ regularly. All his kids somehow ended up as brats. He doesn’t know how this happened. It’s certainly not his fault. He blames the League members, and especially Clark Kent, for their defiant personalities. 

His younger children, whom he loves dearly, like to confuse him as much as they possibly can with their slang, egregious spelling errors, and all-around ‘internet humour’. He doesn’t know what ‘wig’ or ‘worm’ or ‘oof’ or anything means. He has no idea what those dances are, or how they relate to the music that seems to always accompany them, and for the love of all that is good, don’t ask him what he thinks of this or that ‘meme’. What even is a ‘meme’, and should he be more concerned about his kids being obsessed with them? He tries, oh my god, does he try to follow the children’s conversations, but they somehow all learned a language he has no idea how to decrypt. His best response to them once they start speaking in tongues is as follows: smile but not too much, listen to child even though he is deeply confused, and pat child on head or shoulder when they are finished and are looking for assurance.  

He refuses to be a parent who ignores or tunes out his children, so he always makes sure to put down his work, his crossword, his tools, or whatever else is in his hands when a child searches him out for a conversation. But somehow, despite all the time he spends around them and their strange words, when he gets text from them comprised of abbreviations, acronyms, and completely random words, he goes a little cross eyed. He would never tell anyone, but he keeps a running list on his phone about the things they say that he has had to translate in the past. Spilling tea? Speaking the truth, usually to do with gossip. Wow? Multiple possible meanings: either a video game, or someone saying it (different pronunciation depending on context and who sent the text). Stickbug? A nice little prank with no ulterior motives, just for fun. Something along the lines of “this basic bitch Karen at the grocery store who is a dirty rat-licker and is def an anti-vaxxer just took 45 (forty-five) minutes to decide she didn’t actually want that almond milk. I Stan the cashier who had to put up with her. Rad af dude.” roughly translates to “A rude, middle-aged white woman who wasn’t wearing a mask and doesn’t believe in disease control or vaccinating her children wasted a great deal of an essential worker’s time in the checkout line. The cashier was very professional in their dealings with said customer and should be commended on their actions.”  

Given enough time, the internet for searching up new slang words, and occasionally some help from a friend (Alfred, Selina, Lucius, another of his children, etc), Bruce could decode and respond appropriately to most texts. He was quite proud of these achievements, and although he didn’t always like how often his children were on their phones or computers or gaming systems, he was quite proud of how integrated and easily they adapted to the ever-evolving world of electronics. All his kids were gifted in many ways, but their ability to learn, their hunger for knowledge, and their perseverance when exploring new and challenging ideas were always the things that he was most impressed by.  

He could do without their comments though. Yes, surprisingly, he did manage to get girlfriends with his type of texting. No, he doesn’t miss the ‘good old days’ when telegraphs were the main form of long-distance correspondence (how old do these brats think he is?!). And yes, he does know what a “tweet” is, and how to “post” on his social media accounts, and what “sliding into your DMs” is (thanks to a frantic search after a WE employee mentioned it near him). The Wayne children, truly whom and what Bruce considers his pride and joy, are cruel little jerks to him sometimes. His hoard of parenting books fails to mention what one should do when their children gang up on them. Bullying is covered of course, but he can’t really talk to a teacher or his guardian about how his second son calls him an idiot sandwich, or that his third son regularly tries to get him to do something “For The Vine”. His oldest and youngest boys are only slightly better in the bullying him department; Richard and his puppy dog eyes when he wants to do something dangerous or not-Alfred-approved, and Damian and his growing collection of pets because “Mother never let me have them, and I am deprived, and don’t you love me Father?”.  

His only good child is his beautiful daughter Cassandra, the flower of the Wayne clan. She gives him hugs, and pats his hands, and can sit with him and just enjoy the quiet and stillness when his other children are not around. Her language skills are improving by leaps and bounds every day, and her heart and spirit are unparalleled, but her main method of communication is in her movements. Her hands, her posture, her dancing; Bruce couldn’t think of a more graceful, fluid, powerful person if the world depended on it. His amazing little girl doesn't bully him (and if she ever does, he probably deserves it, he trusts her), so he turns to her most of all when it comes to communicating with someone else. She doesn’t let him send anything that is “sketchy” or “wrong words, bad meaning, Dad”. He would give the world to his children, but for Cassandra, he would destroy it and build her an entirely new one.

Social media, especially with his terrible children all having accounts dedicated to making him look like a simpleton, was another rocky terrain he had to navigate on the regular. He had professionals in place at WE to run the company’s many accounts, paid top dollar to help appeal and relate to the masses, but he mostly had to manage his personal accounts himself. And so, @TheRealBruceWayne was one of the greatest struggles in his adult life. Why can’t he just retweet every post from @WE_Offical and leave it at that? People should only want to know about what’s new with the company. What do you mean they want to know more about our family and private lives? That’s unnecessary, and not important to the running of the company, right? Right? Why are you laughing?!

Luckily, most people in his life aren’t so intimately aware of his struggles. He can act and lie all he wants about being “hip” and “woke” and whatever else the kids are saying these days when he’s with the JL or in board meeting intermissions, networking with his associates. The Batman knows all and sees all, Green Lantern, of course he understands how “Tiktok” works. The Batman is a robot without a funny bone in his body, Green Arrow, but I did witness him sigh and say “same” when he knocked his cup of coffee over while on monitor duty once. No matter how badly his darling children call him out, the Justice League would be so much worse. So, it’s one of his most importantly guarded secrets... even more so than his secret identity at this point. Being unmasked in front of every Gotham rogue would be less detrimental to him than his “friends” learning of his utter ineptitude in staying on top of the younger generations’ lingo.  

When questioned why the League doesn’t have a group chat or a forum or anything that they can use to contact each other outside of world ending matters and communicator (”because we’re friends, Batman! Ma and Pa Kent would love to have everyone over for a barbecue!”), the person who dared even mention texting isn’t even given a verbal response. They are just glared at, silently, often for several uninterrupted minutes, frozen in place only able to breathe shallowly in fear of setting off the Bat. “You know why” his glare says, “I’ll eat you, your family, and everything you have ever held dear” the younger members hear. No one makes the mistake of asking about it twice.  

Outside of his children and Alfred, and his small circle of true friends involved in all aspects of his life, there is only one more person Bruce allows to know of his Darkest Secret. Selina. Someone most people would recommend he not be involved with. Catwoman: accomplished thief, distraction, chaos-incarnate most nights, and his significant other. Sharp as a whip (ha) and crafty like no one’s business; he is head-over-heels. On again/Off again and all over the place their long romance has been, but no one has ever challenged him, intrigued him, like this clever, beautiful, amazing woman has. He’s brought his partners around his children before, both for their judgement, and for their worst behaviours to vet out any “unworthy” suitors. He trusts them explicitly to tell him the truth about those he allows into the manor; were they rude about Bruce wanting to have group outings, did they say something about Bruce’s money, did they get angry or shout or make anyone uncomfortable while they were here? If his children even looked slightly unhappy with someone he brought them to meet, that person would not be invited back. Children, he finds, have the best sight when meeting people; no motives other than finding safety and love, no fear of consequences from speaking honestly...  

Selina, or Catwoman, as they had known her first, was someone all of his kids liked without issue right off the bat. She would make puns and play word games with Richard, his first Robin, tiny, still working on his English, able to connect with him over their acrobatic abilities. His second Robin, Jason, skittish and feisty as an alley cat, knew of Catwoman and her daring escapades long before Bruce found him. The young boy had a few heroes, and no one (not even Wonder Woman) could compare to the incredible burglar who bought food and jackets and medicine for the street kids in Crime Alley. She was saintly in his eyes, and to this day, Bruce was still working on convincing Jason he was good enough for Selina. Tim and Cass and Stephanie (basically another daughter to Bruce, she spends so much time with the family) all joined the Wayne clan around the same time and officially met Selina as a friend and partner of his, and in the good graces of his first two sons. Selina, in all her nightly business, and many travels and acquaintances, had met the three independently, helping Tim get home safely back to Drake Manor when he escaped to photograph Batman and Robin in the dank darkness of Gotham when he was just a young boy, spending some time with Cassandra when her despicable father left her alone long enough to recover from his rough treatment, showing her the first scraps of kindness in her short life, and watching over and protecting Stephanie as she followed and sabotaged her father Cluemaster and his criminal activities. There was no need to win them over once they met her civilian identity, she had already gained their favour and acceptance, and they were happy to have her near their new family. Damian, his youngest, his biological son, took the longest to warm up to Selina. He would never fault his little boy for fighting so hard against a woman that was not his birth mother, especially after all the manipulation and cruelty dealt to him by Talia for the first decade of his life. But as he began to learn about his father, these people in his father’s life, and this woman that was Not His Mother but “still okay, I guess”, he grew to see her as acceptable. Her cats definitely helped, he’d say, no one with cats that loyal and happy can be a bad person.  

Selina, the love of his life, he’d admit quietly to himself, was also a dirty traitor and in cahoots with his terrible children. She would say his texting skills were “sweet” and “very gentlemanly” when she was asked by anyone outside the family, and privately to him she would say she thought they were “adorable” and “please don’t ever change, Bruce, I like it.” However, nothing seemed to bring her more joy than his children sending her texts and “Snaps” and “memes” about him to her. Sometimes it was screenshots of the family group chat that they forced him to join, where he would post “To whom it may concern...” and “In regards to...” when he needed to reach all his delinquents in a timely manner. Sometimes it was video clips of him staring at his phone intently, then typing something on his laptop, then him reading and nodding along, and then finally going back and responding to the text he received with a small, pleased smile. And sometimes, when he got too injured or was too incapacitated to text coherently, he’d have his nearest able child transcribe his text to her. Depending on who was texting her for Bruce, she could expect many different things. From Dick, she’d get lots of shorthand and silly emojis, and many, many, winky and crying/laughing faces in brackets depending on what Bruce had made him type. Jason, bless him, used proper English most of the time, but would never write a single word of Bruce’s soliloquy to her, instead she enjoyed the TL;DR version: “hurt again, missing you, come home soon, blah blah blah, sappy gross words here, love you”. Tim would allow speech recognition to run on Bruce’s phone, and just let it go until the man passed out. Stephanie, the little chaos child, would film it and send it to her, including all her muffled laughter and shaky camera shots of Bruce emoting with his available undamaged limbs. Cass, still more versed in physicality and emotive movement, would interpret Bruce’s text into mostly emojis, hearts and happy faces and animals, but would include photos, and phrases that she found important enough to type out for Selina. Damian, forever his Father’s son in any way possible, texts very formally, referring to her or his siblings Bruce mentions by last name only, and lots of “Father requests me to tell you...” and “Kyle, know that Father...”. She adores these kids, and once Bruce recovers enough to text her himself, or she gets back to the Manor, they get to laugh about whatever she was sent this time.  

So, while it’s true that Bruce couldn’t text his way out of a wet paper bag, and his kids are sometimes brats about it, there’s probably a lot of different reasons he doesn’t spend too much time trying to improve his skills. Whether it’s the smiles of his children, the giggles of his significant other, or the warm feeling in his chest when he sees all his important people bonding over him, well, in the end, who’s to say?

[incorrect-kotor-quotes]

I just found your New Vegas posts, and I sense a lot of hostility towards Lonesome road. Why?

The core problem with Lonesome Road is that it is, and I don’t say this lightly, the kind of writing I would expect from Bethesda.

Everything happens because the plot says so regardless of whether it makes any sense for the player to do, or in-universe. It tries to tell me how I feel, chastises me for decisions I did not make, and pokes holes in the worldbuilding. The whole narrative and its message rely on too many contrivances to make sense.

“This is your road. When you come, you’ll walk it alone.” The first area gave me a robot companion who follows me for the majority of the DLC and whom I regularly speak to… Wait, was that a pun about ED-E not having legs? I walk, but he floats?

Also, why can’t I bring companions to the Divide? In Dead Money and Old World Blues the Courier was kidnapped, then in Honest Hearts you travel as an employee of a caravan to the new location and they only have one opening. For Lonesome Road, you don’t bring backup because the plot says you don’t. That’s the justification of a lot of the DLC. Everything happens because that’s what happens.

“You had the option to turn back at any time, your refusal to do so put everyone at risk.” Bullshit, Ulysses had access to functional ICBMs and could probably have gone to get the components he needed if pressed. There are dozens of warheads lying around and he knows where the detonator is. Plus, he threatened that he would destroy the Mojave anyway, I wasn’t going to take that lightly and wouldn’t assume he was bluffing.

Even when I wasn’t aware Ulysses wanted components from ED-E, I knew he was tracking me through the robot (and also broadcasting annoying dialogue at me) so I would’ve left ED-E and gone on alone if that was an option. The game wouldn’t let me, because the plot said I had to bring him.

“The destruction around you is your fault.” I (supposedly) destroyed the Divide by accident. The guilt trip rings a little hollow coming from Ulysses, who wiped out New Canaan on purpose. He also nearly wrecked the entire wasteland by releasing the Think Tank and directed Elijah to the Sierra Madre, all of which are messes I had to clean up. Also, I’ve probably killed more people deliberately than I did at the Divide, I didn’t regret those, I’m not going to regret this.

“Ulysses will nuke the NCR if you don’t stop him.” I’m a Wild Card player who’s planning to transform New Vegas into high-tech development center by empowering the Followers of the Apocalypse with Enclave/Big Empty/Sierra Madre tech rather than continue Mr. House’s tourist economy. I don’t hate NCR, but cutting off their biggest supply line so they can’t invade would be doing me a favor, though I stopped the launch anyway because I want there to be less radiation in the world. Ulysses’ plan is based on my good standing with the NCR, and there’s no way to make it clear I’m not working for them, I’m working against the Legion.

“You should feel bad for your character’s role in destroying the society in the Divide.” What society? I couldn’t find any evidence of people living here prior to the nuclear detonations, only the Marked Men, who are all NCR or Legion soldiers, no locals among them. One of the ranger logs mentions a tribal society, that’s it. The only records were from before the war. The Tunnelers might be mutated humans who lived there, but it’s not clear, I thought they were mutant humanoid reptiles like the Lakelurks. Ulysses hates me for destroying a fledgling nation, one that was supposedly the hope of the wasteland, but I know nothing about it and my character doesn’t even remember. He just made up a complicated backstory about how important the Courier and the Divide were to each other, putting him somewhere on the intellectual level of Fantastic.

I’m serious. Please explain to me how “Before you… this is the edge of the Divide. Ahead lies your work, the history you burned in the earth. What you brought to the people here.” and “I read numbers. Sometimes I make up little stories in my head about what the numbers mean.” don’t convey similarly warped interpretations of reality.

“The Tunnelers are an imminent threat to the Mojave, even tougher than Deathclaws.” No, they aren’t. Maybe I’m just that unstoppable, but the Tunnelers were never a serious threat. As for being tougher than Deathclaws, the game mechanics make it clear they aren’t. Deathclaws can tank several hits from the toughest Tunnelers, whom they can easily one-shot at higher levels. The Tunnelers only killed a Deathclaw in a scripted event. And they definitely aren’t any worse than Cazadores. Those things actually can fight Deathclaws, I tested that out at the Thorn.

“The Divide will tear at you.” In Lonesome Road I had plenty of anti-rad drugs, could kill Rawr in two shots, and viewed the Marked Men more as walking sacks of cash than serious threats to the point I took it on at Level 2, making trips between the Divide and the Gun Runners to sell all the loot. The only part that gave me any trouble was that Deathclaw spawning outside a trailer after I entered it. I still killed it.

The Sierra Madre was worse, and developed more effectively from a gameplay perspective. I managed with the right perks and skills, but between the toxic cloud, invincible holograms, shielded speakers, the Ghost People’s resurrection ability, and the crushing weight of those gold bars, Dead Money was full of obstacles which could not be easily circumvented. Where LR tries and fails to convey a feeling of isolation because you have a friendly companion, DM punctuates its loneliness by forcing you to work with allies who would probably kill you if they could, and might try later. Y’all want challenge and danger until you get it.

“You have to sacrifice ED-E to stop the missiles. Can you bear killing him?” I absolutely can. ED-E is a copy of the Mojave ED-E, and the ending slides make it clear the Divide version transmitted all relevant data to the Mojave, something I expected to happen, so I stopped the missiles while losing nothing. There are no negative consequences for me. He’s fine.

“Stories spread of the battle between the two Couriers.” Told by who? Literally no one saw the fight and lived except the Courier. No one goes to the Divide, the Marked Men ain’t exactly chatty. Were there recording devices? Was ED-E transmitting everything? How does anyone else know what happened well enough for me to get a reputation boost? Also, the confrontation was over in seconds, fighting the Legendary Bloatfly was more intense.

“The Courier tore the ancient flag of the Commonwealth from its cables, and cast it over the corpse, though whether done as a sign of respect, or in anger for what had been endured to reach this moment - that is unknown.” No, I didn’t. I killed Ulysses with a .50 explosive round to the back of his head, looted his body, threw his remains down a missile silo, then tossed some frag grenades down after it because he was rude to my robot. His body was in chunks. I went back after the ending to check, it was still there. As for what had been “endured”, Ulysses did not inflict significant physical or emotional harm upon me. I lost exactly one hit point in the Courier’s Mile, you can do the math on how tough the rest was on me. Don’t ever imply I respect Ulysses.

The problem with Ulysses as a character is that he makes a lot of assumptions about me, my motivations, and how I work when New Vegas’s strength lies in providing a variety of options. Avellone wanted him to be the Courier’s antithesis, but there are so many choices you can make he ran into the problem of making Ulysses every Courier’s antithesis regardless of their faction, morality, personality, or skills, and he makes no sense as a result. You can’t have a character who’s opposed to both an evil low-intelligence legionary and a sneaky pro-independence member of the FoA. He’s just a pretentious dumbass who wants to blow everyone up.

[ceo-of-choco-bibi]

I talk about random things Part 4

Spoilers below for FASTPAST episodes (I unlocked it because I saw nightmare Akira on the thumbnail cover.)

^^(I was right)

So.

Helena and Coma are a confirmed Rank Duo, they fight their battles together as a team. Of course, individually they’re powerful too, and they can battle independently (as seen one of the previous chapters when Coma mentions that they overestimated the nightmare enemy and shouldn’t have both came to fight) and are ranked 12-13. 

Helena’s a witch with fire elemental and summoning magic, while Coma is a tech-mechanic user with skills similar to Ultimate Healer’s true form. Coma provides back up while Helena is the main attacker. Their strategy from what I see is taking high ground using Coma’s warplanes, Coma providing cover until Helena can unleash attacks. In terms of Lucid Adventure stats:

Helena (Dealer/MAG/Orb) and Coma (Supp/Phy/Ranged)

This confirms that there can be rank teams, or rank duos at least, which also opens up the opportunity of TCB to be a rank team. Individually, they’re not good at 1v1 combat, but together they have a really high combat potential. Both Bibi’s and Tempest’s skills in combat require team play and Coco and Soup are not experienced enough to go 1v1. TCB is pretty important to the plot, so I’m surprised none of them have at least top 1000 rank yet. 

I like how in terms of personality, design and ability, Coma and Helena are so far apart, yet work so well together. I’m curious on how they do Ranker-Ranker battles though, or do they just do vs Nightmare battles? Do they fighter other Ranker teams for rank placements? 

Nightmare!Akira (NMAkira) is the new nightmare introduced who battles both Coma and Helena together in this chapter (S2E59). I’m not too sure of og!Akira’s personality, so I’m not sure if nm!Akira’s personality is accurate enough. Nm!Akira is confident, and aggressive, but og!Akira also gives off this really smug and aloof feel.

Akira, Yopi and Master Swordsman are all previous Combat Tournament winners. By the looks of it, they should be somewhat similar ranked, with the only placeholder we have being Master Swordsman in 4th rank (currently). Additionally, Team Dark only won the Tournament because of HCLW being in prime form, so it’s expected that og!Yopi and og!Akira’s ranks to be somewhere within 1st-10th. So, nm!Akira would definitely be stronger than Coma and Helena. 

He does defeat Helena and Coma easily, knocking Helena out and destroying Coma’s bots, but I still find it sort of unfair how easily he did so. Nightmares are naturally strong, of course, but with the 2 year period and how ogs were said to be levelling up much quicker than nightmare versions, I don’t see why nm!Akira and Coma + Helena were not at least on somewhat equal levels. Helena and Coma and the rest of the rankers were pretty hyped up, so I find it kinda anticlimatic that some baseball dude knocked them both out (he’s a physical attacker going against a mage/ranged combo, jeez).

It’s also mentioned that nm!Akira is ranked 1st in nm!rank, which makes me curious. This would mean that og!Akira definitely has a lot of fight potential, but also that he’s the strongest nightmare (which doesn’t say much, given that nightmare hasn’t been performing much). This kinda makes me curious where No Name is ranked on the list, and how both rank lists would look if mashed together. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Those who boast about being the best will go down one by one.”

Cue pics of Ham (rank 2), Stone (rank 1), and Gangrim (rank 5).

Obviously, they’re referring to the rank system when they name these characters. It makes me curious that Master Swordsman (4th) and Dark (3rd) are not mentioned, either because they’re familiar characters and the author is taking the opportunity to mention the other top 5 rankers, or because they are really just “not boastful” about their ranks. However, not much is known about the rankers that ARE mentioned, so we can’t assume that the three of them are actually arrogant or anything. 

Maybe nightmare is just referring to the ranks being flaunted, making them seem boastful about their positions, or maybe it’s just nightmare’s bias against the originals that makes them portray the rankers as such. 

Stone does strike me as a sort of arrogant person, but rightfully so, as he mentions that he’s bored that no one is powerful enough to prove as a challenge to him. He wants to meet HCLW to see who is stronger, which makes him look like a pretty proud person to me. 

Ham and Gangrim both belong to Giga, but they don’t give off a really proud vibe to me (granted, they haven’t said or done anything at all), but their designs and personality in the little mentions of them make me feel like they’re the cold, aloof types. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightmare!Oz & Goldy and Nightmare!Bamboo Spearman

It surprises me that nm!Goldy can even imagine trying to go against Ham. Both Goldy and Bamboo Spearman are originally unranked characters, who didn’t even make it to the semifinals, so their nightmares going against Ham, who’s rank 2, baffles me. If not even nm!MSM can compare (at all) to his original (who is rank 4), how can nm!Goldy and nm!BSM begin to try fighting a rank 2?

Nm!Goldy’s personality is quite on point, with her being arrogant and confident compared to original Goldy’s shy and timid appearance. Her grin reminds me of nm!Tempest, both being pretty unhinged in my opinion. It’s quite the drastic change, and I completely approve.

Nm!Bamboo Spearman’s personality is quite muddy to me. In the scene, he still has this proud vibe going on, and his expression is one that I can see on the original’s face. I expected nm!BSM to be more like nm!Soup, both being uncaring and bored compared to their original hot-headed personalities.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In conclusion, I have no idea what I’m talking about as always and remember to take care of yourself! This is your call for a water break and snack break :33

Hit me up,,,,,,,,,, slide into my dms,,,,,,,,,,,,, be my mutual,,,,,,,,,,,, <3 

[accio-firebolt-potter]

Entering the fray even though I’m a dormant blog. But I have *opinions* on all the bullshit commentary flying about regarding online safety.

As someone who has studied both the anthropology of web spaces and works in tech and has infosec experience, I just want to say that *yes* everyone posting online is taking a risk. And they are aware of it. If anyone wanted to guarantee their safety they would not be online at all. But that is impractical and isolating in the world as we know it today.

Some people are taking a *calculated* risk being here. And the equation might be about to *radically* change.

And they absolutely have the right to be upset about that, ask that it not happen, and choose to leave if it does.

And tertiariarily to that they should also have the right to do this without being subject to interogation and forced discussion from the folks who claim to be listening, while being talked down to about their approach to internet security. I can guarantee you that anyone who is in a position to be worried about their security here has thought about and considered the risks far longer than you have.

A poll is a way to seek opinions, *not* an opportunity to identify your dissenters and try to recruit them. This isn’t a democracy, and everyone here is free to do as they please. But that doesn’t mean that people aren’t entitled to an opinion on the spaces they care about. And it doesn’t mean anyone else is entitled to try to change that opinion or seek validation when doing something that a large chunk of the community isn’t cool with. If you want to listen listen quietly and actively. Otherwise do what you wanted to do and wear the fucking repercussions if the shit hits the fan.

If anyone wants to discuss this with me, feel free to reblog this and add your thoughts so they’re in the public sphere where they belong on this issue rather than sliding into my DMs.

[3d-blocks]

AU Time!

I made an AU a while back: info and fic (that will eventually change). I haven't talked about it in forever, and I'm about to combust if I dont. No plot stuff, but plenty to keep you entertained. Here we go!

Xisuma:

Dressed like this for small bits of the AU, that's fun

He kinda dresses how he wants, he's a bit limited because of the helmet, but he does his best

Yeah, he kinda can't breathe without the helmet?? The only times he can take it off is when it's raining or snowing. Sometimes, if he feels he's doing okay, he'll take it off wherever but that's pretty rare

The Void isn't really talking to him right now? He hasn't been walking and been suddenly pulled into a meeting in the End

Evil Xisuma:

A lot calmer now, but still easily angered

Tired and just wants to talk

Doesn't seem to have a connection to the Void

Cleo:

Formally somewhere where she was torn apart and attacked a lot, big unfun

As a result, she can build surprisingly fast and sew pretty well

Vaugly remembers building an apartment complex with Joe, he does not remember this

Joe:

He's just, so versatile????

Who knows what little bit of experience in something he has next

He and Scar went to the same place but had very different reactions. It left Joe with a strong appreciation for trees and how good they are as an escape route

There's a bunch of notes in the old buildings in his writing, it's assumed that Joe got there first (he usually does) but he doesn't remember making most of the notes

Grian:

Knows a bunch of weird science ("How do you know all this stuff?" "Oh, I'm a biology major!")

He and TFC get along really well? They also look a lot alike, to the point you might think they're related

(Note: They are not related. They give off a similar energy, carry themselves in a similar way, similar hair texture. Anyone who didn't know would be like, "Grandfather and grandson???")

Cub and Scar:

Very connected to the Vex

Like, you'll just find them frozen, eyes white, in a meeting with the Vex because there is no scheduling or preparation with the Vex

True Chaotic is their alignment and that's it

Cub barely remembers his previous world, something about being on the run?

Scar went to a giant savanna/desert area like Joe, but he was a lot more reckless back then. His last memory there was being cornered by the h o g s

Doc:

Listen, I've got him down in my notes as "vaguely scientist shaped milf", if that doesn't say something to you, I don't know what will

Was in a really rough area before Hermitcraft, lost his arm there

Actually learned a lot of what he knows about tech from some friends he made there, wants to go back but is still trying to figure that out

Doesn't really put trust in the gods, would rather do it himself

Mumbo:

Really likes working with other people, it makes him feel like he's not going to mess it up

His previous world was full of tech masters, but it was extremely high up in the sky

He couldn't breathe for the longest time, and had to use effectively a gas mask for ages

Iskall:

He's just trying to enjoy life

He went to the same place as Mumbo, except he wasn't as high up

Holds the current record for adjusting to Hermitcraft

Is, and rightfully should be, worried about Xisuma

Likes working with Mumbo, it's always such a fun experience for both of them

TFC:

OLD man

He's the ultimate comforting presence

He and Xisuma are surprisingly close, and TFC tends to offer him advice, though he's kinda like this with everyone

Stress:

Not super sure on how she has her ice powers, the current theory is that she draws them from goddess of cold and death, but there isn't exactly a way to confirm it

Was previously in a pretty idealistic world, someone caused chaos for a bit though. That was... interesting

She's mostly self taught when it comes to building and redstone, but she did learn a few tricks

And that's all for now! Here's that second part! If you got questions, slide on through the ask box or DM me. Anyway, enjoy life!

[sntechsupport]

Prince of Heart here, and uh...I think I'm starting to slip into full blown Sociopathy rather than the regular feelings of extremely blunted emotional responses i normally feel, as an example, probably, when I killed my nightmare heir, nothing was felt, not the feelings of sadness I normally would have felt or the regular amount of anger at Skaia for making me progress in such a painful matter. So...how do I fix this? Or if I can't fix it, how can I stop it from progressing?

That is not a game issue, rather your own issue, but given that this is a serious trouble and you had decided to seek help trying to prevent a lot of damage, I think I should try to help and not scold you that you’re barking the wrong office.

Both Dream Moons have therapists which you can talk to (multiple of them, but the Soft Therapist and the Consulting Mindmender are the most famous on Derse and Prospit respectively). Or you can slide into Gurl’s DMs, because she wrote the AI scripts for nearly everything, the therapists included. Gurl has some awful amount of degrees in psychology and psychiatry, but I warn you, she might tie you to the chair until you tell her everything. But she’s the best I know.

SincerelySN Tech Support (Gear)

[clublogo470]

Facebook Dating Review Reddit

Facebook’s dating app, which was announced at the corporation’s F8 Conference in May, 2018, has just rolled out to all of the U.S.For those who are currently swimming around in the dating pool.

Tinder, the largest dating app on the market right now, has about 5 million users. “In theory, given that so many people use Facebook, they could harness that population in an advantageous way. ThaiCupid website is one of the best examples of online social media and networking platforms worldwide to find the Siamese quickly. The website is easy to use and free for everyone to find other users and chat with them endlessly. However, you would need a little time to find a perfect match in the sea of profiles.

I used to find it frustrating when people blamed dating apps for how bad dating is.

Facebook’s NPE Team is testing an app called Sparked that’ll put people into a video speed dating event. The app hasn’t launched in any app stores yet but is available through the web. BookofMatches is a trustworthy internet dating website that has been working since 2002. For more than 15 years, this service makes its clients amazingly glad and fulfilled. There is something for everybody here, beginning from individuals with straight sexual direction to gays, lesbians, and transsexuals.

“What’s the alternative?” I would ask when a friend complained about the chore of swiping and starting a conversation. “Standing in a bar for six hours a night?” But I said this more often when I was in a relationship that had started on Tinder, and I say it much less often now that I’ve spent eight months back in the world of grainy boat-trip photos and “looking for the Pam to my Jim.”

People who have never used Tinder often frame it as an abundance of choice, when in reality, the experience of swiping through those hundreds of thousands of options has the effect of making every option look exactly the same. You can accrue two dozen matches named Matt in the time it takes to finish one glass of wine and throw the glass at the wall. Tinder doesn’t make it feel easy to go, as they say, “on to the next!” Tinder makes it feel like the next will be just like the last, which will be just like every other one, forever. The plentitude of fish in the proverbial sea is actually an apt metaphor, because what kind of lunatic could actually specify an individual fish they’d be interested in catching? They’re all fish.

Enter Facebook Dating, which seems to be differentiating itself at least partly on sheer numbers: Three-quarters of Americans are on Facebook. Tinder, the largest dating app on the market right now, has about 5 million users.

“In theory, given that so many people use Facebook, they could harness that population in an advantageous way,” says Kevin Lewis, a sociologist at UC San Diego who has studied both Facebook and online dating. “Will everyone sign up for it? If everyone did, this would be by far the biggest dating site there ever was.” Great, an even bigger sea.

Facebook’s motivations to get into the dating game are somewhat obvious. Analysts expect dating apps to be a $12 billion business by the end of next year. Advertising, premium accounts, and other paid features on Tinder bring in the lion’s share of revenue for its parent company, Match Group, which just reported a $498 million quarter and also owns Hinge, Plenty of Fish, Match.com, OkCupid, and dozens of smaller dating-related businesses. It’s understandable why Facebook would want a piece of that market, especially because teens and Millennials are abandoning the social network in droves.

To use Facebook Dating—and this is billed explicitly as one of the benefits—you don’t need to download another dating app. You enroll within the Facebook app, which I assume is still installed on your phone. Just kidding: Though a sizable majority of all Americans under 65 still have Facebook accounts, 44 percent of users ages 18 to 29 deleted the app from their phones in 2018. (Just imagine an army of horny 20-somethings scrubbing their furious #DeleteFacebook tweets in service of their love life.) Facebook Dating is free and doesn’t include any advertising, and the company says it never will. But it does pull users back into Facebook’s ecosystem, creating a new and very compelling reason for people—especially young people—to use an app they may have deserted.

And, of course, it could be that Facebook picked this moment to get into dating because everyone else already is. Even if thousands of Tinder bios still read, cloyingly, “Let’s lie about where we met,” conversational laziness often leads people to gesture at a stigma that isn’t really there, or express discomfort with things that they’re actually fine with—such as dating apps, and such as downloading another dating app after they’ve become jaded with the first dating app, their continued ability to return to the App Store serving as a tiny sign that their heart is still beating and they’re still looking for it.

We meet dating site. The Leading Online Dating Service - FREE Membership! Photo-Personals, Live Chat, Events, Love & Romance Newsletter, Dating & Relationship Coach and more! JOIN hundred of thousands Local & International active singles & Meet your Match - The Best Place To Click!-The best dating site. Free Dating USA. If you’re a single American looking to find new friendships and romance, you need to join this free online dating site now. So many wonderful Americans turn to our free dating site for women to help them find someone special. Covering every State, city and hometown, this safe online dating site is here for you! We Love Dates is America’s best free dating site.

The irrepressibly genteel New York Times weddings section regularlyname-checksTinder. The presidential hopeful Pete Buttigieg met his husband on Hinge. The latest Pew Research Center data, from 2016, showed that 22 percent of Americans ages 25 to 34, and 27 percent of Americans ages 18 to 24, had dated online. Eighty percent of the people who had done so said it was a good way to meet someone, and 46 percent of college graduates said they could personally name someone for whom online dating had resulted in a marriage or long-term partnership. Those numbers were all drastically higher than they had been when Pew looked into the matter just three years earlier. It’s probably safe to assume that they’re even higher now. Online dating has become sufficiently mainstream to be part of the most mainstream website of all time.

If you ask Facebook, the company is getting into dating because its leaders think they can actually improve it. A recent study conducted by Edelman and commissioned by Facebook showed that 40 percent of people who currently use dating apps aren’t happy with the experience, Facebook Dating’s product manager, Charmaine Hung, told me.

“We hope that those people will give Facebook Dating a try,” she says. “We’re also hoping that people who have never tried dating apps before will try Facebook Dating because of the safety features we put in, as well as really activating your community and the interests you share with people.”

To celebrate the surprise launch of Facebook Dating in the U.S. (after a year of testing in smaller markets), Facebook invited a bunch of tech journalists and a few dozen influencers to a breakfast meeting at a hip all-cement venue more or less on the edge of the Hudson River in Manhattan. The subject of the event was kept mostly a secret until attendees were escorted to the basement, where a product manager, Nathan Sharp, gave a quick introduction to the app. He got in a quick dig at the competition by explaining that Facebook doesn’t believe in keeping “the best features behind a paywall,” and that its version of dating doesn’t involve any swiping—a reference to the baseball-card dating paradigm popularized by Tinder starting in 2012.

The message was clear: For Facebook, facilitating love is not a joke; it’s a public service.

The next point was even clearer: Facebook is aware that people are already using its products to hook up. Its executives have heard the phrase slide into the DMs. We did not get an opportunity to hear a Facebook spokesperson say this phrase aloud, but Sharp did invite the Modern Family star Sarah Hyland and the former Bachelorette contestant Wells Adams to come onstage and explain how they met: through the direct-messaging feature on Instagram.

Hyland and Adams, who are engaged, gave a 45-minute presentation explaining how one should go about inviting another person to get tacos, how to say “I love you,” how to propose marriage. (You might argue that this presentation was wildly hostile toward single people, who are having trouble finding someone to ask to get tacos—not because they are confused about how to use Facebook’s suite of networking products, but because most people just aren’t that fun to hang out with—and who, even if they aren’t exercising the muscles at this exact moment, do in fact know how to express their thoughts and feelings. Or you may not be as sensitive as I am.) When Adams and Hyland were finished talking about their perfect lives, curtains all around the room dropped to the floor, and it was revealed that the presentation area was surrounded by a ring of brand activations: a pen of puppies wearing Facebook Dating bandannas, a pop-up coffee shop serving romantic desserts, a florist giving out elaborate bouquets.

On display in the basement’s gallery section were works of art inspired by love and Facebook and famous dorm posters. Rodin’s Thinker was hunched over, pondering his options—“heart” or “X”—against a magenta backdrop. Michelangelo’s Creation of Adam was remixed in purple and pink, the pointer fingers of God himself and the first man reaching toward a Facebook Dating icon. I have to admit, this is the shit I live for. Did it tell me anything new about why Facebook is suddenly interested in operating a dating app? Not exactly, but it did tell me what Facebook thinks about daters as a cohort: that we want to live in a romantic comedy, and that we are easily charmed.

Visually, Facebook Dating is similar to Hinge, which, in its initial version, suggested matches exclusively from users’ mutual Facebook friends. (Hinge also takes a hard stance against swiping and has long advertised itself as “the relationship app,” in opposition to Tinder’s notorious hookup culture. It was acquired by Tinder’s parent company earlier this year.) Functionally, the app is also similar to Hinge—you scroll through profiles, send a like, send a message. You can see people who have already liked you—a feature that is also available on Hinge. (On Tinder, something similar requires a monthly subscription fee, which I have paid many times.) It’s not exactly groundbreaking.

“Facebook has a history of this,” Brendan Griffiths, an assistant professor of interaction design at the New School, told me, citing Instagram’s rip-off of Snapchat’s signature Stories feature in 2016. “It’s clear that they aped features (from Hinge and Tinder) pretty directly. I would say that’s where the vast majority of their inspirations come from.” (Facebook did not respond to a request for comment on these similarities.)

Griffiths does not care for Dating’s purple color scheme and calls it “pretty infantilizing.” Overall, “it doesn’t feel like they were going for anything specific other than to capture a market that they understand to be potentially valuable.”

“The purple color is awful,” echoes Barbara deWilde, executive creative director of products and design at The New York Times. “But Facebook is not known for its stunning visual design.”

Facebook Dating’s one innovative feature is called Secret Crush, and it’s what it sounds like. If you have a secret crush on any of your Facebook friends or Instagram followers, you can add them to a list of secret crushes and wait to see if they add you to theirs. The Edelman survey that Facebook commissioned found that 53 percent of online daters have a crush on someone they already know, but they’re afraid to admit it (sure), to which I say, lucky them? Having a crush is an amazing feeling, and life without a crush is an extremely boring trudge toward deadened nerves and spinal erosion.

Though the profile you set up in Facebook Dating is independent of your main Facebook profile (a smart choice, given that the Facebook profiles of most of the people I know consist of dozens of photo albums from 2009 with titles such as “seniorrrrsss” and “myrtle beach <3”), Dating is still able to suggest matches based on the information you’ve provided the main app. These could, for example, be people who belong to the same Facebook groups you do, or have attended the same events. The enterprising Facebook dater could even stage a meet-cute! Hook up sites for seniors. It would be pretty easy. You could pretend the internet wasn’t involved at all. It’s just a wingman, pointing you to the right bookstore in the right sweater, or a seltzer enthusiasts’ meet-up in the park, during the golden hour.

This is genuinely exciting for anyone overwhelmed by the randomness of other dating apps. As my colleague Ashley Fetters wrote recently, Facebook Dating is explicitly designed “to inject some of the more human aspects back into online dating through features that mimic the ways in which people used to meet-cute before the Tinder age.” Meet-cutes, though they sometimes involve flopping down in the middle of the street or walking around with a balloon stuck to your butt, do not feel as existentially degrading as sifting through thousands of photos of men with four friends and two facial expressions, followed by dozens of identical conversations about how it’s a shame that summer is over. The more time you spend on Tinder, the lower the bar gets for perceived compatibility—has listened to a song I’ve heard, works at a restaurant I’ve walked past, went to the beach one time, sure. You start looking—no more, no less—for evidence that the person exists at all.

“Everyone’s always asking, ‘Is this person real, and who is this person really?’” Hung tells me, repeating a line that was used at the press event. “In Facebook Dating, we have a lot of really unique features so you can feel confident that this person is a real person. It can help give a more authentic view of a person. We want to help you find love through what you like.” This is Facebook’s “really great superpower,” she says.

Obviously, I signed up for Facebook Dating as soon as I got home from the official launch, downloading the Facebook app onto my phone for the first time ever.

For the first week, there was literally nobody there to match with. (Understandable.) In the second, the list was short and strange, populated mainly by people named “Meme,” or “C, like the letter of the alphabet. People call me Philip.” The default geographic range was 200 miles, so many of my initial suggested matches lived in Pennsylvania or deep New Jersey, hours away from my home in New York. I was excited to open the list of suggested matches sourced specifically from events I’ve attended, thinking it not at all unreasonable to expect that at least one cutie had gone to see my friend’s band a few weeks before, or had been at the early-summer book launch at which I got so emotional, I slid off my chair (would have been a good meet-cute!). But all the suggestions were people who attended the 2017 Women’s March—half of Brooklyn?—or an apple festival in my college town three years ago, or a free Grace Potter concert in 2015.

Most of the Facebook groups I belong to are useless for dating purposes: a high-school friend’s bridal party, a space for mall food-court coffee-shop employees to trade shifts. An alumni group, my God. This is not Facebook’s fault; this is my fault. Good Facebook Dating users will first be good Facebook users—as in active Facebook users, diligently logging each time they go someplace where eligible people might be lurking, scrolling through their phone, too. If that doesn’t work, an ambitious dater could start joining more groups. It’s a better idea for how to meet people who actually move in the same real-world spaces you do, but it requires regularly documenting your real-world movements and interests on Facebook.

Relatedly, the easiest way to populate your profile is by filling it with your Instagram photos. Later this year, Facebook Dating users will be able to cross-post their Instagram Stories to their dating profiles. When I asked Hung whether part of the goal of Facebook Dating was to bring young people over from Instagram to the flagship app, she said, “We’re always looking for opportunities where we can see where people like to share. Do people like to share on Facebook? Do people like to share on Instagram? And we want to meet people where they’re already sharing. We’re really excited that we’re bringing Instagram into that.”

I don’t know what that means on a sentence level, but I think probably it’s a yes, generally.

If you’re already good at sharing, and posting, and RSVP-ing, and projecting an authentic self that’s appealing to others online, Facebook Dating might feel, as intended, like a “superpower.” But I am a bad Facebook user, and so I am a bad Facebook dater. At the end of my two-week trial, I had eight matches and two messages: One was “Hey kaitlyn,” and the other was “Sup I’m only here for hookups and memes,” with a laugh-crying emoji. The notifications showed up in my main notifications tab, next to the information that I’d been tagged in photos from my cousin’s wedding.

Even so, Facebook Dating will likely help lots of people find love, for free. Hung repeats that Facebook has no plans to monetize Dating, ever, in any way—no fees, no ads. She even seems annoyed with me for asking. “Yup, there’s no advertising in Facebook Dating, and nothing you do will be shared to advertisers,” she says. “Nothing you do on Facebook Dating will be shared to advertisers.”

The cost of an actually good, useful, dignified dating app is more activity, more engagement, more personal information. When Facebook spokespeople talk about entwining Instagram Stories and Facebook Dating, they speak energetically of how it will make profiles more “authentic”—a word that has been bled of all meaning not by Tinder, but by Instagram itself over the course of the past eight years.

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Never mind the fact that Facebook is currently the subject of an antitrust investigation; here’s another market it can enter and immediately claim a competitive edge in simply by slamming down the trump card of an unparalleled network graph. Forget that Facebook doesn’t need dating revenue, and won’t collect any; it still thinks of its users as dopey enough not to look for another motive.

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“Facebook knows so much about us, not just how we self-describe,” Kevin Lewis says, trying to riddle out whether its dating experiment will succeed. Facebook has a more intimate understanding of its users than Tinder ever will. But more than 60 percent of Americans don’t trust Facebook with their personal information anymore, if they ever really did. “Facebook is a little late with this. There’s a lot of distrust these days around Facebook,” he says, going back and forth on it. “I could see this leading to a resurgence in Facebook activity and working out quite well; I could see this totally tanking. I think it’ll be one or the other.”

I don’t know—it already worked on me.