#TO THE PERSON THAT HELPED ME!! ->
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i gave up on buying the official tgcf books and i’m just reading a fan translation online so i don’t know if it’s just that but why is the novel SO HILARIOUS just the delivery of some lines makes me wheeze
#also gonna start writing my thoughts in the notes and things i find funny and questions i have#n e ways#TO THE PERSON THAT HELPED ME!! ->#i’m so sorry i know i said i would look for them but i actually can’t afford the $400 to get the books when i can find them for free online#but thank you so much for your help anyway#🙏🙏🙏💕💕💕#btw if you’re actually reading this you know who you are i just wasn’t sure if you wanted me to mention your name or anything so i just#wrote this instead#me :)#tian guan ci fu
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“Normal” test results are not the relief people think they are. When you wake up in pain and continue to be in pain for hours every day and your tests come back normal you don’t stop being in pain.
#chronic pain#I guess#cripplepunk#crip punk#<— correct me if that’s overstepping#what do I tag this with#I obviously didn’t get a diagnosis#personal but I’m also really scared of needles#and having to go through the fear and pain and crying and screaming#for nothing#doesn’t feel good#people tell me it’s not “nothing#but I know exactly what I did before the tests#which is nothing!!#and I didn’t have to go through that pain for that!!!#also å few months ago I genuinely thought it was completely normal#later I realised that spending hours each morning warming up my hands to feel usable might be more pain and stiffness than other people#experienced#I genuinely didn’t expect all of my friends to say they didn’t feel ANY pain at all#and now I’m just hyper aware of how not normal this is#and I’m still in pain#and now I’m not gonna get any help other than a “try heat therapy from the doctor#which is what I was already doing#like no im not crying cause I’m not sick#it would be great if I wasn’t sick#but clearly something’s wrong
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on usefulness. on becoming both the blade and the lamb
tumblr user @/divorcefemme // Anaïs Nin // tumblr user @/willowcrowned // Mitski, “I Don’t Smoke” // Lilith Kerr, "bite back" (from unloving the knife)
#web weaving#word webbing#fun fact these are pretty much all from my personal board on tumblr! :)))) help me#anais nin#anaïs nin#mitski#lilith kerr#i don’t smoke#unloving the knife#webweave#words#poetry#parallels#on attachment#on love#on being useful#on being a blade#word weave
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I think that “Anakin was a slave child who was groomed by Palpatine and raised by someone who wasn’t ready to take on a child, thereby leaving him in a social limbo state where he’s surrounded by people but only has a few close confidants, with the one he trusts the most actively trying to take advantage of him”
and
“Anakin was taught right from wrong from a young age, first by his mother and then by Kenobi, but any time he was presented with a choice, actively CHOSE WRONG EVERY SINGLE TIME”
are two sentences that can, should, and MUST coexist to fully understand Anakin Skywalker as a character
Edit: PART 2 of this post here
#watching people debate him is so interesting to me#pro-Anakin people get it right in that upbringing shapes how a person is: he’s a slave child and had to leave his mom#so of COURSE he’s going to have an iron grip on people attachment-wise#but they tend to deny Anakin his own autonomy and resolve him of every bad thing he did#when it’s like: no. he DID all of that. not just did it…but did it once then did it again#meanwhile anti-Anakin people (usually) tend to understand that Anakin made terrible choices#but again…they either deny him autonomy by making him an always-evil character#or by just downplay the relationship he has with Obi-Wan or Padme. Completely dehumanizing him.#Like the truth is in the middle: he’s a deeply complex person#(arguably more so than fandom can completely understand)#it doesn’t help it that these people either tend to be pro Jedi (anti-Anakin) or pro Sith (pro Anakin)#Pro Jedi people tend to be…Xenophobic is the nicest term for how they treat Anakin#But pro Sith people tend to claim that the Jedi are a cult (they aren’t) and Anakin was groomed by it (he wasn’t)#So they use Anakin as the sort of doll to put all of their beliefs into. Which again we circle around to dehumanizing this character#star wars tcw#star wars#anakin skywalker#star wars meta#Anakin Skywalker meta
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i thought i was at my lowest but holy shit it gets lower
#woke up feeling more lost and out of touch with myself.. my surroundings and my partner all in the span of a night.. what the hell..#i really need a new therapist. specifically a dbt therapist but i have really weird health insurance so there's not many options..#i just really need someone that i feel open enough to talk to about anything and that will actually help me and not just use the dumbass#worn out therapist lines..#bpd shitposting#actually bpd#actually mentally ill#bpd#actually borderline#bpd vent#bpd fp#bpd favorite person#bpd mood#bpd problems#sorry 4 the long rant in tags :/
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I think we should have a turn of phrase for "I'm not in the right, but I AM annoyed with this situation, so I just need to go bitch to a friend about this before I suck it up and go do the right thing" because more and more I'm finding this is a critical element of functional adulthood.
#the person who's re-emailed me asking for help with something: yes I should get back to you. yes I will get back to you#but in the meantime I will look at the email like 'I am busy right now! I have deadlines! do not bother me about this unrelated thing!'#and like in 15 minutes when I'm ready to be an adult again I'll get back to them
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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thanks that was really helpful
#my posts#my art#comic#im a mouseboy btw. bet you didnt know that#my sona#if one more person smugly shames me for using google instead of duckduckgo when i WAS LITERALLY USING DUCKDUCKGO IM GONNA SCREAM!!!!!!!#< not about people actually trying to be helpful
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I am loudly pushing the batdad agenda i am loudly pushing the— DPxDC Prompt
“Woah. You look like shit."
Granted, that’s probably not the first thing Danny should be saying to the guy that just bit the curb, but in his defense; he’s not running on 100% right now either.
The man -- tall, towering, and broader than Danny is tall -- whips around on his heel, black frayed cape flaring out impressively. Danny would've whistled in appreciation, but he takes the time instead to wipe the back of his hand across his mouth, smearing the blood running from his nose across his cheek.
"Sorry." He blinks widely, not even flinching as the man with the horns zeroes in on him. "That was rude of me. I have a really bad brain-to-mouth filter; Sam says its what always gets me into trouble."
And she's not wrong either, per say. His smart mouth is what landed him in this situation -- with blood blossom extract running through his veins and cannibalizing the ectoplasm in his bloodstream. Thanks Vlad.
The man grunts at him; a short, curt "hm" that shouldn't make Danny smile, but he does because he's somewhat delirious and probably concussed. The man keeps some kind of distance, sinking towards the shadows of Gotham's alleyway like he dares to melt right into it.
If it's supposed to scare Danny, it doesn't work. Danny's never been afraid of the dark; he's always been able to hide himself in it. He blinks slowly at the mass of shadows.
"You look hurt." The shadows says, blurring together around the edges. Danny squints, and licks his lips to get the blood dripping down his chin off. Ugh, he hates the taste of blood.
"I am." He says, "My godfather poisoned me. M'dying." The agony of the blood blossom eating him from the inside out looped back around to numbing a while ago, so all he feels is half-awake and dazed.
"Hey," Danny stumbles forward towards the man, a bloodied hand reaching out to him. "You-- you're a hero, right? You're not attacking me; which is more than I can say for most costumed people I've met." Maybe it's a poor bar to judge someone at, but he's already established that Danny's not in his right mind.
The man makes no change in expression, but Danny realizes blearily that it's hard to tell with the shadows on his face. He stays still long enough for Danny to latch onto the cape -- stretchy, but almost soft under his fingers.
He looks up blearily into the whites of the man's eyes. "Can you help me? I don't-- I don't wanna die." Again. He doesn't wanna die again. He blinks slow and lizard-like. "I mean- I'll probably get to see mom and dad again, but I told them I'd at least try and make it to adulthood."
There's a clatter down the street, and Danny's ghost sense chills up his spine and leaves a bitter, ashy taste in his mouth. He immediately knows who it belongs to even before the deceptively gentle; "Daniel?" echoes down the way.
"Daniel? Quit your games, badger, Gotham is dangerous for children."
Danny's mouth pulls back, and blood spills against his tongue. "Please." He rasps, and grabs onto the shadow's cape with both hands. "Please. He's going to kill me. Please--"
"Daniel? Is that you?"
His lips part, dragging in air to plead with the darkness again. He doesn't need to, the whites of his eyes narrow, and the cape whirls around him before Danny can blink. Soon swaddled in shadows, the Night lifts him up, and steals him away.
#I AM LOUDLY PUSHING THE BATDAD AGENDA#anyways— add ons are encouraged i wanna talk more dpxdc with folks i just cant find any aus i really like enough to engage with#which is nobody's fault and its why im making my own content in order to reach more people#danny fenton is not the ghost king#dpxdc#dp x dc#dpxdc crossover#dp x dc crossover#dpdc#dc x dp#dpxdc prompts#i took a ‘which batfam member are you (except its personal)’ quiz a few days ago#and got bruce wayne. and then was promptly read to filth why im most like him and it rudely but accurately explained why im the most like#him. it also consequently explained to me why i like him so much. whenever i see him in his kindest form i see a mirror looking back#anyways lots of ‘danny rejecting bruce as a parent’ aus. may i present: bruce and danny finding family in each other aus. batdad aus pls.#dpxdc prompt#dcxdp#this prompt can take place at any point of Batkid accumulation but personally i was imagining this as before Bruce has any of his kids yet#eldest brother danny supremacy and also just that one on one bonding#danny being someone who was never afraid of the dark as a kid and even less so as he got older. taking solace in it as a ghost because you#cant hide in the dark when you glow. his enemies can't jump out at him. but he can jump out at them. how can he be afraid of the dark when#the dark is where the stars like to live? there's a comfort in the shadows. there might be something hiding in it. but he's hiding in it to#blood blossoms eat ghosts headcanon#wasn't sure where i was gonna go with this at the beginning and then i caught steam.#batman casually kidnaps an orphan upon kid's request. also the kid was Actively Dying Of Poison. What was he gonna do?? NOT help him?#mister 'keeps candy in his utility belt specifically for scared children'??? no way.
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I enjoy dumping a bunch of rb of "im sorry but im not yuri" onto people and just watching as half my following start melting and deperately going to read the entire manga
#personal#makes me feel so powerful#yall shouldve read it by now#im just helping you reach the natural state you should already be at
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Can we talk about this? I feel like not enough people talk about this happening in the movie
#he just gets so well behaved and domesticated so quickly#they set up his lone wolf edgelord personality and then after he realises he's been mean to these incredible people helping him#he becomes like... the goodest boy there ever was but in a silent cat type of way#donutdrawsthings#fanart#logan howlett#james logan howlett#xmen#x men#x-men#x men 2000#xmen 2000#charles xavier#xmen storm#xmen rogue#wolverine#the wolverine#bro the tags tumblr keeps recommending me when i type logan and wolverine oh my GODDDD everyone here is down bad#but ykw so am i
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I just know in my heart of hearts that in "Star Trek" at one point, there was some moral panic somewhere on Vulcan (among the uppity sorts) because Human culture was "infecting" the local youth with their overly emotional, destructive, unproductive, frivolous, and uneducational ways.
And what was actually happening was that a bunch of Vulcan kids got really into 23rd-century "Minecraft" or something.
Small Vulcan child @ another Vulcan child: (in a tone that sounds flat to Humans but angry as hell to Vulcans) "You have compromised the optimization of my fortress. I am having an emotional urge to blow up your house... in Minecraft."
#tossawary star trek#vulcans#I have notes on a fic I probably won't write about spock and kirk meeting as children through a minecraft forum#baby jim kirk writes a damn novel of an essay on changes that need to be made to make a better in-game Vulcan planet/biome#spock writes a damn novel of an essay back with further research and criticism#Kirk: “You are the ONLY person to notice that I adjusted the gravity in my New Vulcan demo!!! Wanna help me make my mod???”#meeting your t'hy'la through subspace net video game modding communities; nerds in space#fic ideas#spock
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Vanny finally meets FNAF tape girl in person...
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf vanessa#fnaf vanny#tape girl#fnaf tonya#fnaf help wanted#security breach#fnaf fanart#TAPE GIRL MENTIONED AGAIN 🔥🔥#A good handful of folks asks me if I’d draw Tape girl and Vanessa meeting#I THOUGHT it was a fun idea and finally got around to it#my thought process here is Vanny was hunting tape girl down#mean she wants to find the person who gave her this virus after all#just to say thank you I promise :-)#she’s either being genuine or sarcastic when she says it ‘helped her a lot’#probably similar to the Mike deal can’t bring herself to actually harm tape girl#I like the name Tonya for tape girl it’s one of her maybe names and I think it fits#shout out to toxic fnaf yuri…
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you were my first friend
#hunter x hunter#hxh#killua zoldyck#gon freecs#killugon#and now i must lock back in to school art :/#me: can i somehow get paid to draw hunter x hunter fanart#the person trying to help me find an internship: tase her again
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I had a severe mast cell reaction to something last night for the first time in the longest time* and I can honestly say, hand on heart, I have no idea how I lived like that 24/7 for years.
I have no idea how I dealt with that nightly as a child, only to be yelled at and told to stop attention seeking, while last night my partner held me while I shook and prepared to stick me with an epi pen.
Thankfully he didn’t have to. Thankfully my airways cleared after my body purged itself of everything I’d eaten yesterday** and my heart rate began to climb down. But Jesus Christ, I am wrecked this morning.
* no idea why, only thing I can think of is hormones + sugar which can sometimes raise histamine levels
** everyone thinks anaphylactic reactions start with visible swelling and airway constriction, but for me it’s always been the much slower reaction of severe gastric symptoms which progresses to rapid elevated heartbeat, followed by agonizing acid reflux that burns through my whole chest and then if it doesn’t stop, my airways start to close while I simultaneously start to “fall asleep” (that’s the shock.)
Very rarely do I get visible swelling or hives unless whatever triggered the reaction was from skin contact or injected into my veins. So, just so you know, anaphylaxis doesn’t always look the way it does in the movies. I tell you this only in case it saves a life one day.
#chronic health tag#MCAS#mast cell activation syndrome#tw vomit mention#I am feeling some kind of way right now over child-me#who endured that on her own#and doctors kept telling her parents it was anxiety/attention seeking#I want to hold her#and let her know she’s not a bad person for being sick#that she is sick#and one day someone figures it out and help
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there's a stranger who sleeps at the foot of your bed
#rotating the first few nights that loop is in the party in my head. argued into sharing a room because its a downpour outside.#only accepts a bedroll. not a bed. (because they don't deserve a bed) because stars don't really need to sleep! it would be silly!#who is this person. who are they to your partner. why do they look at you like that. at him like that. you can't tell what theyre thinking#isat fanart#isat spoilers#in stars and time#in stars and time fanart#isat loop#isat siffrin#isat isabeau#isiloop#sloopis#lucabyteart#sifloop#isafrin#isaloop#(help me god thats so many ship tags. have fun interpreting this post your chosen way guys.)#but yeah. had to torment that man again sorry isabeau its just the way it goes. i need to unsettle you as hard as possible thanks#>be me >be 2 months into my relationship at best >still havent kissed the guy >the fucking babadook shows up >tfw
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