#Thank you for your seemingly endless stream of patience and kind words

[thecaptainofcosmichorrors]

Witch anon here! ~

Surprisingly not a witch reader (though you can make the reader a witch admirer if you want to. That would be awesome!)

If you don't do requests with Shadow Milk's Sage Of Truth Costume, that's completely fine and you can ignore this!

Also this is based on the theory that Shadow milk's costume is his redeemed form.

If you do requests with SOT Shmilk, could I request Shadow Milk (Sage Of Truth) x reader dating headcanons, where reader was friends with Shadow Milk before his descend into madness, so they go to see his downfall and live through it. But now that its over, they're both feeling awkward in the relationship? :3

[How interesting~ As delightful as Witch inspired cookie would’ve been, I’m afraid he wouldn’t take too kindly to such a thought]

Relearning Your Shape

Shadow Milk Cookie (Sage Of Truth) x Reader

[Note/warnings- I do use the title Fount of Knowledge in the beginning]

You always were something special; a detail, seemingly lost to the seas of time. You knew The Beasts long before they earned their tumultuous titles, though you always were particularly close with The Fount of Knowledge. The two of you hit it off—ever fast friends. Despite your position, you never seemed to view him as the others did; something to be worshiped, but never adored. Fount was just another cookie, If not a powerful cookie. You weren’t naïve, you understood that him—such as the other Virtues—were capable, but that didn’t mean they were without feelings. Though Knowledge seemed content on allowing this to perpetuate itself, challenging cookies question their own perception of him and learn the truth.

You on the other hand? You had far less patience for cookies that never seemed to really want the truth; only ever willing to hear what easiest their minds and pleases their hearts. You were quick to defend his honor whenever you caught wind of a snide remark that had no business leaving their lips—to the slight dismay of The Fount of Knowledge. After every quarrel, he had made it a habit to ease your mind; commenting on the futility of forcing one’s knowledge on another so unwilling, you would always sigh, but still acknowledge your friend’s words—despite you both knowing you would never truly heed such advice.

Despite your stubbornness often getting in your way, Fount never seem to take much offense; it was this unapologetic persistence that allowed the two of you to pave the way for your friendship. You had gifted him something hard to come by; your earnest and undivided attention, you took the truth on the chin and worked through any riddle designed to leave your head reeling wholeheartedly. You were never perfect, but that wasn’t what you were striving for—and by your words, it seemed that you believed the same for him. You seem to content with him as he was, regardless of his knowledge.

His decline was slow, hardly noticeable at first; a small crack here and there. At first you assumed stress, the students had been particularly pushy and the other Virtues seemed troubled as well… but then it worsened. The Fount of Knowledge started to drown himself in his work, almost desperate in his pursuit to gain answers. Though the only thing he gained in return was the absolute dread of watching the start of the end. Soon, Fount became much more disgruntled; frazzled even, not quite losing that sharpness—instead, his aim muddled. He tried his best not to lash out at you. You were not to blame for this seemingly endless string of disaster; and yet, he continued to grow bitter. You saw the truth, accepted it for what it was… why couldn’t everyone else be more like you?

Everything you tried only made things worse; not because of you, but because of what it told him. Your help only exacerbated the problem, and had inadvertently showed The Fount of Knowledge the lengths you would go to understand and learn more; something that he would only dream of others doing? Why should he help when all had turned their backs from the truth?

The day he finally fell was one met with gleeful eyes that didn’t seem to quite match.

The Witches were far less understanding, and while you ached, you couldn’t fully blame them; it was nothing less than the massacre, one that would cling to the very dough of your being long after the dust settled. And yet, you couldn’t bring yourself to watch as the Beasts were locked away.

When The Ancients arrived to the scene, you kept your distance. It would be unwise to grow attached to Cookies that could possibly fall to the same fate as their predecessors; you especially avoided Pure Vanilla. He was a painful reminder of what you had lost and what could’ve been; one glance at him felt like a knife being lodged in your chest, and the worst part was, he knew that and kept his distance out of respect for you—only twisting it.

Though in a cruel twist of events, it was him who approached you for assistance after news of the Beasts had escaped the Silver Tree. Conflicted didn’t even begin to describe the rush emotions that went through you, how is that possible? Why, why now just when you had finally started to heal? And why would Pure Vanilla ask you… despite everything…

Seeing Shadow Milk Cookie was… surreal, he seemed all too keen on tormenting your ragtag group; and yet, time seem to still the moment you look at each other.

…

It was awkward, Having to learn each other’s shape all over again, but the two of you tried your best to make it work—you had seen the depths of his loneliness. Shadow Milk wasn’t the cookie that you knew before, redemption or not; occasionally though, you’d get glimpses of what was. But soon you realized that your relationship would never be the same, and that you would have to be content with that; lest you keep your distance.

Though you couldn’t bring yourself to actually distance, you grappled with it before ultimately accepting it—change would come if you liked it or not, only fools disillusioned themselves to such a truth. His progress was slow and tedious, but you were proud of him regardless; cheering him on every step of the way, and giving him a patience that you had lacked before—perhaps you had changed as well.

There was never any particular point that marked the shift of your relationship; instead, it naturally evolved. Yes, it wasn’t your intention to fall in love with The Sage Of Truth, but it felt so natural. Like it was always met to be.

The two of you only continue to understand each other better by the day; though the awkwardness hasn’t completely vanished yet, merely settles—You’re not there yet, but you will one day. For now, you both take in each day, one step at a time.

[ghostwriterdiariesxoxo]

Here me out, ya’ll. I needed a break from, sweet. I’m in a mood, so I wrote some shit...

I sit in my car, dreading this interview. It’s only my second assignment since being hired at HB Magazine. The last one didn’t go well. I stuttered over my words, lost track of questions. It was shit. I flip my rearview mirror down, looking at my skirt suit. Recently purchased, after my sister insisted it would make me feel more confident.

           Who are you kidding, you dumb bitch? There’s not an ounce of professional grace in your body. Try not to fuck this one up, too.

           I cross the hotel lobby to the counter, not even letting the clerk get out her pleasantries before I hold my badge in her face.

           “I’m here for the Bo Burnham interview.”

           “Oh! Wonderful, that’ll be the 3rd floor. Room 307.�� Her big, fake smile makes my stomach turn. “Are you excited?” She asks as I turn to leave.

I look over my shoulder, “No. Not a fan. He seems like a prick.

Her smile fades, and that makes me kind of happy. I make my way up to the third floor, taking deep breaths. Still having full anxiety from the colossal failure of the last one. I arrive at room 307 and tap on the door. At least half a minute goes by and nothing. I’m about to knock again, when the door opens. He immediately turns, retreating back into the room and I reach out to catch the door before it slams shut.

Nice to fucking meet you too, I guess.

I take a deep breath, trying to put on my fake, give a shit smile. My patience was up when I cracked my eyes open this morning.

“Thanks for meeting with me today,” I chirp, like a dumb little songbird.

Bo and his towering form, leans back against the hotel vanity, in front of the mirror, propped by the heels of his palms. His eyes are seemingly vacant, yet heavily annoyed as he presents a small table, with two chairs, near the bed.

I tug nervously at the bottom of my skirt as I take a seat. I can’t believe I bought this dumb suit. I look like a librarian and I didn’t take into account my black rimmed glasses.

“Okay,” I sigh, after getting my ipad set up to take notes. “I’ll make this quick.”

“But not quick enough,” he says flatly. I look up at him, as he flips his wrist to check his watch. He pushes his hair back and returns to his lean. Great, this guy is a real fucking treat.

“You having a bad day?” I ask annoyed, but I try to disguise it, as more of a playful banter.

His blue eyes, fall icily on mine.

“I’m having a bad decade. Is this an interview question?”

           “Uh, no. Sorry.” This mother fucker, I swear. “ Okay, first question—After your success with Inside, are you planning on any more projects in the near future?”

           He drops his head,  rubbing his forehead forcefully with his palm.

“Fuckin, christ,” he mumbles under his breath.

           “Is there a problem?” I ask, tightly, not even trying to hide the irritation

           He raises his head, dropping his arm limply to his side.

           “Can anyone of you, come up with a better question? Like, fucking anything? I could leave a prerecorded series of answers based on the endless stream of bullshit questions I’ve been asked, and I swear to you. You’d have your whole interview, ready to fill out.”

           I tap my stylus on the table, trying to decide how to approach this pompous, arrogant fool. I decide to go with unprofessional.

           “You know? You’re really cocky for a comedian.” 

           A wicked smile stretches across his face, and I’d swear he’s kind of hot, if I didn’t want to kick him in the throat.

I continue.

      “How about this question? Why are you such a fucking dick?”

                  “Why are you dressed, for a really bad porn?”He quickly, retorts.

I’ve had enough.

                 “Fuck you.” I grab my iPad and turn to leave.

                “I’m down if you are,” he says after me.

                  I turn back around. He tilts his blonde head, in question. He’s actually being serious. I almost turn to leave, but then I realize, I’m probably going to get fired from this interview. I might as well relieve some stress.

           “Fine,” I say. I toss my iPad on the TV stand, and slip out of my suit jacket.

           He doesn’t skip a beat, as he strides up to me.

           “Lose these,” he says, pulling my glasses off, and tossing them aside. He pulls my hair out of a tightly wound bun.

           “But please, keep your impressive, blank, white t-shirt, on,” I snap.

           He doesn’t even try to listen, as he starts working on the ridiculously, tiny pearl buttons on my white collared shirt. This little prick, is never getting in there.

           “How do you work this shit?” He fusses, as he leans his face to mine.

           “Don’t kiss me.” I nudge his chest.

           He grins, “Who fucking made you like this?”

           “Same question for you, let’s answer on three.”

           His expression darkens, “ You know what, fuck it.” He pulls my arm with considerable force, leading me over to the vanity, in front of the mirror. “Bend,” he orders. 

           I press my palms into the fake grained surface. He towers behind me, yanking my pencil skirt up so hard, my feet rise, and fall to the floor, just as quickly, he snatches down my pink thong, where it settles, around my ankles. Now we’re getting somewhere. 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/33448912

[zeetasposts]

An ikemen sengoku match perhaps? I’m open and honest, socially awkward and a personal cheerleader for my friends. However much I cheer them on though, I’m a very low energy person and kind of introverted. I wear my heart on my sleeve and try to be optimistic and a ball of sunshine for my friends. I ramble, like a lot, I sometimes hum or mumble when I do things. I love to read and write as well as act, it’s really easy to fluster me, and my ears go bright red. Thanks so much, have a great day!!

Hi hi, love! Thank you so much for the request! Sorry for making ya wait sooo long! I hope you enjoy it, and I hope you have a good day!

(˶◕‿◕˶✿) 

So I match you with................. Hideyoshi

The first time you interacted with someone in the castle, it was with the cute hedgehog with all his all spikes out. He called you out for being weak and naïve and told you that you wouldn’t last a week in the past. Before you could even reply he storms off. You were left standing alone in the hallway, you had always worn your heart on your sleeve so its no surprise that Mamayoshi catches a glimpse of your upset expression painted across your face. He gave you a gentle smile and patted your head lightly, “Don’t take what he says too seriously, he has a tendency to say the opposite of what he means.” You gave Hideyoshi a small nod and shy smile, although it still did bother you that the porcupine didn’t even give you a chance to speak and that his first impression of you was clearly horrible. 

After seeing your genuinely concerned expression Hideyoshi could help but drop all suspicions you of being a spy or assassin, beside you were way to smol and cute, so instead his MOTHER MODE was activated. He looked at you concern clear in his eyes and scratched the back of his neck trying to come up with a way to cheer you up, that’s when an idea popped into his head, and he asked you if you would like to go out to tea with him. Hideyoshi found it cute how introverted and awkward you were. He couldn’t help but smile at the way you fidgeted with your sleeve as he ordered the two of you some tea and snacks. The two of you enjoyed a nice warm cup of tea and a few sticky sweet buns. Of course, during this little outing, Hideyoshi had done most of the talking cause you still felt a little shy.

The next day Hideyoshi came to your room to show you the ropes. As castle chatelaine you needed to know all the ins and outs and workings of the castle, Hideyoshi was patient, and kindly took his time explaining everything to you, even handing you a few notes he that had prepared for you the night before, to help you in better remember everything. As the day progressed, you found yourself opening up to him more and more. He really enjoyed spending time with you and found your open honesty to be refreshing, a trait that not many in this time posses. As the two of you sat together in the garden, taking a break and sipping on some tea, he asked you about your life. You had told him all about your family and friends, and well.. the fact that you were from the future. He was shook, but something in him, told him he could trust and believe you, plus it explained your naivety and pure innocence.

You worked hard for the castle, and its people and everyone loved you, you were like a big ball of sunshine, bringing so much light into the lives of the people around you. One, in particular, took a big liking to you and that would be Hideyoshi. He loved your positive, upbeat attitude and your ability to find the bright side in every seemingly dire situation. In fact, it seemed like your sunshine smile was infectious, as the warlords would often comment that when the mother hen was around you, he would never be wearing less than a bright, brilliant smile. The two of you spent an endless amount of time together, visiting teahouses or sitting in silence together, each writing their own reports of the day for Nobunaga to review.

Although the true test of your optimism was soon to be tested. As Oda force lucky charm you were basically forced to go to war with them, a terrifying experience, might I add. You helped the prickly porcupine in the medical tent during the day and the one-eyed dragon in the cooking tent in the evenings. Everything was going well until you had been kidnapped, one night while you were out helping Ieyasu collect some herbs. News had reached Nobunaga and Hideyoshi of your disappearance, and Hideyoshi was in a tizz. He couldn’t think straight, all he wanted to do was rush into the enemy lines and get you back. An unknown pain and sting in his chest burned with rage at the thought of someone hurting you. Nobunaga smiled a knowing smile, almost all the Oda warlords had realised that the monkey had long ago fallen head over heels for you.

You were held in a dark hut, you strained your ears slightly to hear what the men outside were talking about. Things were looking grim for you as one of them spoke of killing you before Nobunagas eyes, as they had heard that you were his favourite. You rolled your eyes and sighed, yes, you and Nobunaga had spent some time together, but you saw him more like a brother, the real one your heart belonged to was Hideyoshi. 

A chill went down your spine at that moment when you thought that you might not live to see another day and confess your feelings to the castle mother. Just as all hope seemed to be lost the very person you longed to see, burst through the door, guns blazing. He was heavily outnumbered, against a better judgement from his lord, the stupid monkey rushed through the woods alone to come to your aid. He fought hard when finally, the rest of the warlords managed to catch up to him. Before the two of you could celebrate the victory, one of the enemy monks emerged from the shadows and held a sword high above your head. He brought it down intending to kill you before the eyes of the Oda forces, but the blow never came. You opened your eyes to see Hideyoshi had blocked the sword with his body. He toppled to the ground and grunted in pain, Mitsuhide had without a second thought shot and killed the monk. Nobunaga cut you free from the bonds holding you in place, and you wasted no time rushing to Hideyoshi’s side, tears streaming down your face.

Honeyed eyes looked up at you, “Please don’t cry, love.” Those were the last words that left Hideyoshis lips before he passed out. Ieyasu brought him back to camp and worked on him through the night, he was in critical condition, and you were told not to get your hopes up. The next few weeks passed by in a blur, Hideyoshi was healing quickly thanks to his own personal cheerleader, cheering him on and making sure he doesn’t overexert himself. You were tasked with looking after the Mother hen while he healed from his injury, a job which you gladly accepted. The two of you had grown even closer during this time. The moment Hideyoshi had opened his eyes for the first time, after being unconscious for days, you confessed you loved and kissed him. You were so happy that he was alive, even more so when he returned your feeling.

You would often let Hideyoshi rest in your lap while you read your newest piece of writing to him. He loved the stories you would write, he would get lost in the world you would create with the endless words written on the pages. He loved it even more when you would soothingly pull your fingers through his hair as you would read him your stories.

He loved the way you would hum and mumble as you cleaned. He would often lean against the doorway and close his eyes, just listening to the sound of your pleasant hum echoing off the walls. He loved you so much from your low energy vibe to your cheerleading optimism. He loved to dote and spoil you rotten as well. Often he would see you overworking yourself and lead you by the hand to your favourite teahouse, where the rest of the day would then spend walking with him, hand in hand through the markets where he would insist on buying you a small gift.

What does this Mamabear love the most you may ask well that’s easy, he loves how easily flustered you get, for you see even though Hideyoshi is a kind man he is also quite the charmer. He will send you teasing comments all through lunch just to see your face flare-up in the most adorable blush. He can’t help but chuckle at the cute way even the tips of your ears get coloured in the light pink shade from his teaing flirts. 

Often the two of you can be found spending a quiet evening together in Hideyoshi’s manor. He will pull you into his arms and snake his arms around your waist while he rests his chin on your shoulder. He loves to listen to you ramble off about your day, telling him everything that had happened and spilling all the tea. 

Hideyoshi will definitely be the type to drop a kiss or two on your forehead or cheek when he catches you in the hallway. He loves to see that bright sunny smile on your face and secretly hopes to catch a glimpse of it whenever he moves between meetings, as it just renews his energy and gives him the strength and patience he needs to sit through the next boring war council. Not to mention the fact that catching you by surprise like that, always leaves you flustered and red to the tips of your ears, which this man absolutely adores 

Other potential matches...........Ieyasu 

I hope you enjoyed it, dear! ✿◕ ‿ ◕✿ And I hope you gave a really good day! 

[my-elevenoutof10]

Make me feel. #4

It’s Saturday, so here’s some smut. Tbh I always hated the way sex was displayed so perfectly in other stories (no offence) because most of the time it’s just... not. So here’s my approach to that. Enjoy?

——————

Chapter Three

After what seemed like an endless snog-fest on the sidewalk outside and even one car honking when driving by, the pair decided to take whatever this was back inside. Also, Alice was pretty sure she had a bloody cramp in her tongue.

After trying and failing to open the door multiple times due to persistent grabby hands on her backside, Alice finally unlocked the door to a mostly dark flat. They stumbled across the entry room, bypassing the kitchen and entering the living room where soft moonlight was streaming through the windows. It was almost comically romantic at this point.

However, as soon as Bradley tried to get ahold of Alice, with the sure intend of continuing their previous activities, the girl stopped him with a hand on his chest.

“Wait!”, she exclaimed, causing the boy to step back and release her hand from his grip.

“Everything okay?”, he asked with concern in his voice.

“Yes, I mean, no,... it’s just... I feel gross”, which provoked a confused look on Brad’s face.

Okay, Alice. Think first. Talk second.

“No that’s not what I meant”, she sighed, “it’s just, I have been dancing all night and I just feel kind of yucky. So if we want to continue this”, the swayed her hand suggestively between the two of them, “I need a shower first”.

“Oh, ok”, relieve washed over the boy as he finally understood Alice’ thought process.

“...and you’re going to join me”, she added cheekily.

“Better”, the singer nodded before following the girl, who was making a beeline for the bathroom.

By the time Brad had entered the room, Alice was already stark naked, furiously trying to get the water temperature to a right level. He was stunned for a second, how did she even get her clothes off so quickly? Not that he was complaining or anything, her bare form was even more appealing to him than her clothed one.

“A bit eager, are we?”, he asked cockily, while simultaneously starting to unbutton his shirt.

Alice, on the other side, seemed completely unfazed by the situation, still fiddling with the knobs of the shower. “Shut up and get naked, Bradley”, she mumbled.

Finally satisfied with the temperature, she turned around to face the boy, causing him to halt in his attempt to strip his skinny jeans and briefs at the same time. As soon as she realised his hesitation was caused by the boldness of her actions, a smug smile appeared on her face and she stepped closer, gripping his trousers at either side of his hips. “Besides, I have thought about that all night as well”, she whispered, before ripping Bradley’s remaining clothes down in one swift movement, causing his half-hard cock to spring free. Brad could only stare as the girl, now face to face with his length, took him in her hand, seemingly fascinated as she squeezed around him a few times, bringing his cock to a complete erect state.

“Nice girth”, she commented with a grin, before leaning forward and giving the head a small kitten lick.

“Uhm, thanks- fuck, doll”, the boy groaned and hoisted Alice back up on her feet, “you’re killing me here”.

“Then let’s go, shower first”, the girl turned around and walked towards the shower, which was still running.

“But no funny business! You now what they say: ‘don’t be silly, wrap your willy’!” Bradley couldn’t help but laugh at that remark, before following Alice into the shower, slapping her butt in the process.

————————

‘No funny business’ was actually easier said than done, since the space in the shower was pretty tight and rubbing various body parts against each other was basically inevitable. In addition to this, ‘patience’ was definitely not a word existing in Bradley’s vocabulary, since his hands were generally never on his own body. So by the time they got out of the shower, Alice was pretty wound up with a blush high on her cheeks, cursing the boy for his inability to keep his hands to himself.

“What did you expect, doll?”, he only smirked like the little shit he was, “can’t put that butt so close to my hands without me grabbing it”. He ran a hand through his towel-dry hair, now even curlier than before, walking after the girl, who was heading towards what Brad assumed was her bedroom.

As soon as the door was closed behind them, though, his smile disappeared - as Alice grabbed the boy by his shoulders, spinning him around and pushing him on the bed back first, slowly crawling over his body until she was straddling his hips.

“Where’s the cockiness now, Mr. Simpson?”, Alice grinned, taking both of his wrist and pinning his hands to the mattress over his head. She nudged her nose against his own in an almost loving manner, eliciting a sigh from the boy beneath her, before taking his bottom lip carefully between her teeth for a split-second before releasing it.

“What’s up? Cat got your tongue?”, the girl teased, while sitting up, finally causing some much needed friction by trapping Brad’s length between her folds and slowly grinding against it, feeling the veins of his cock on her most sensitive area.

“Fuck, doll.... what about... you know, protection- shit!”, Bradley moaned, squeezing his eyes shut from the sensation. “I’m on the pill, silly. But wrapping is always a plus, don’t know where you put that thing previously”, Alice stated while pushing her thumb against the cock head. “Also, lube is in the cupboard in the living-room”, she mumbled, still staring at her fingers moving over the boy’s length.

“What?”, Brad asked perplex, “why would we need lube? And why is it in a cupboard in the living-room?”

“Never mind”, the girl stated, quickly snapping herself out of her thoughts and leaning down to kiss the singer. She pushed herself up again and leaned towards her nightstand, opening the first drawer and fishing out a condom, before tearing it open with her teeth and slowly pushing it over Brad’s cock.

After everything was set in place, Alice looked up again, meeting the boy’s eyes. “How do you want me, babe?”, she asked sitting back on her previous position in his lap.

“Just like that, but please get on with it”, he almost begged, his hands grabbing her hips tightly.

“So needy”, Alice laughed, using her thigh muscles to hoist herself up a few centimetres, before positioning herself above Bradley’s cock, slowly starting to sink down. The movement elicited a soft moan from both of them, Alice taking a few moments to relax and adjust to the boy’s girth inside her. She didn’t realise she had closed her eyes in the process until she heard Brad’s impatient moans. Opening her eyes, she was met with a sight to behold; the boy’s eyes were shut tightly, his head thrown back into the pillows, his hands gripping her upper thighs - he looked wrecked already and they hadn’t even started yet. To be fair, Alice didn’t expect herself to look much different. Who thought she would get laid tonight after all?

Just as payback for the previous teasing, the girl squeezed the muscles of her abdomen, watching the singer whimper beneath her; before finally having mercy and starting to move. Since it has been some time since she was last in this position, figuratively and literally, the blonde one needed a bit of time to get the hang of it again, but once she had found her rhythm, it was pleasure rather than verging on exercise. It also helped that the boy beneath her appeared to be so responsive to her actions - the assumption of ‘singers do it louder’ seemed to be true, in this case at least. Seeing Bradley so gone because of her doings turned her on even more; perks of being a visual type of person.

Suddenly, the boy opened his eyes and looked up with a wanton look. “Come here, doll, please”, he asked and Alice was happy to comply, leaning down for a kiss.

Seconds later, however, she found herself on her back with Bradley above her, grin back on his face.

“You drive me nuts with your slow tempo”, he panted, before carefully getting back inside her and beginning a faster rhythm, making Alice see stars behind her eyelids. Hoisting her hips a bit off of the mattress, Brad changed the angle, creating a completely new sensation for both of them. The room was filled with their panting and their moans, the pair completely lost in their little bubble. Feeling himself getting closer to his release, Brad’s fingers found the girl’s clit, since he refused to be the first one to come. Her reaction was immediate, squeezing her eyes shut and clenching her walls around his cock, making it even harder for him to focus on his task at hand.

Seconds later, however, he had to admit defeat as the tension inside him snapped and he moaned into their next kiss as he came into the condom.

Laying on top of each other, the pair tried to catch their breath for a few seconds. “I’m sorry. It’s been a while”, Brad mumbled into the blonde’s neck. “No worries, babe, it was still fun”, Alice smiled, still on edge and full of unused energy.

The curly-haired boy eased himself off of her before walking towards the bathroom to dispose of the condom. When Bradley came back, sweaty chest and flushed cheeks, laying back down beside her, Alice almost wanted to slap him, because she was still feeling like she was on fire. Where was her big mouth when she needed it? ‘Yeah, uhm, excuse me, but you kind of owe me an orgasm-‘.

The girl was ripped from her thoughts when she felt Bradley’s hand touch her own. She looked at the boy, who had this smug smile on his face again, seemingly waiting for her to answer his question.

“Uhm, sorry, what?”, Alice asked eloquently.

“I asked you if you wanted to sit on my face, doll”, the singer smirked cheekily, “I still owe you an orgasm, right?”

“Fuck, I love you”, the girl blurted out while crawling back up Brad’s body.

“What?”

“Nothing”, she grinned, muffling any of Bradley’s remaining questions.

[anniehowsback]

Don’t Do Anything Stupid

Fandom: SPN

whump/ speculative fic based on spoilers/ pre-season 14 / 2k / Gen / PG-13

Characters: Castiel, Michael, Dean, Jack (backgound Sam, Mary, Bobby)

Warnings: aftermath of violence

Summary: “DO IT,” Castiel commanded, and Jack gulped past the knot in his throat, slammed his bloodied hand on the banishing sigil, and activated it.

He barely caught a glimpse of Michael’s widening eyes before the archangel was forcibly ejected from the bunker, dragging Castiel right along with him.

“DO IT,” Castiel commanded, and Jack gulped past the knot in his throat, slammed his bloodied hand on the banishing sigil, and activated it.

He barely caught a glimpse of Michael’s widening eyes before the archangel was forcibly ejected from the bunker, dragging Castiel right along with him.

When the flash from the spell faded out, Jack was surrounded only by the red emergency lights and the dull, anxious rumbling of the alarm. He looked down at his leg, splayed out in front of him, broken and twisted. It hurt, more than stabbing used to hurt him, but he suspected still less than what it would feel to a full human. He had managed to crawl all the way to the wall with it, but now he felt the strong desire to be helped and comforted, and not move anymore.

“Sam?” he called, his voice quivering. He could barely make out a hand and an arm sticking out from underneath a toppled bookcase, across the room. He got no reply.

“M-Mary?” he tried, craning his neck to look through the remnants of the door. “Bobby?”

Nobody answered him.

The alarm kept going.

Jack sniffed. Tears were starting to stream down his eyes, fat and salty. “Anyone?” he whispered, hugging himself, and wishing he could just make things move like he used to.

“Castiel,” he finally prayed, “please come back; I need you.”

They splash-landed in the northern Atlantic, tangled together like a poisonous vine and an ancient stone, startling a pod of whales. The large animals scattered, surprisingly agile for their volume. If Michael needed to conquer the depth of the oceans, he’d consider taking one of them as his vessel.

Human forms were so woefully inept for underwater battles. He felt even more constrained and limited than usual, and the cold, wet clothes actively bothered him.

He shook himself free of the seraph and took flight, heading back to the continental mass of northern America. He could have killed him, but it felt more satisfying to let that wingless, annoying pest find his way back with his human limbs.

Only, as he made a graceful touch down in a luscious field of wheat, he realized Castiel had managed to somehow cling to him, enough to ride his wake and tumble down only a few feet away, sowing a deep trench in the earth and spoiling the majestic landscape. Typical.

Now thoroughly irritated, he advanced on this version of his brother and grabbed him by the neck, yanking him up to his eye level.

Michael didn’t consider himself particularly squeamish, or sentimental, or any of that human nonsense, but he did find it uncomfortable to come face to face with just how low an angel could fall. If the broken creature in front of him could still be called an angel.

He wasn’t, he considered, that different from the real Castiel, at least as far as damage could be assessed, but of course Castiel had endured his own twisting and mangling to become a better soldier, while this sorry excuse of an imitation had gone completely in the other direction.

The merciful thing would have been to snap his fingers and incinerate him on the spot. And in the midst of warfare that’s exactly what he would have done. But his purpose now was intelligence-gathering, and it occurred to him that he wouldn’t find any another specimen quite like this. His circumstances were not just rare, but unique, and perhaps he could still do some good as a topic of study.

This, though, meant finding a way to stop him from pestering Michael until he was ready to open the rift again and call his army and his specialists.

The pathetic little abomination regarded him coolly from his one functioning eye, the other swollen shut and bloodied. He didn’t seem to have the energy to shed the icy water from his vessel, or the mud he’d rolled into.

Disgusting. Michael wondered if this emotion was what humans called ‘gagging’.

“I know he’s dead,” he growled, “he was dead the moment you stepped inside. All I ask is that you release his soul. You have the body. Let him rest in Heaven, he’s earned it.”

Michael chuckled. He had to admit, if only to himself, that he was surprised.

“That’s all? Is that why you’ve been dogging my every step? Just to get rid of Dean Winchester’s soul?”

“To free him,” Castiel countered firmly. “I know what it means for a human soul to be trapped with an angel…”

“Careful.” He did want to let him live, but his patience had limits, and he couldn’t outright ignore blasphemy.

“Let him go, Michael,” he whispered, and something deep inside him twinged.

Michael blinked. “If that’s all you’re asking, you’re wasting your time, “ he explained, not unkindly. “I already sent Dean Winchester to his own pocket of Heaven the moment I took over. I’m more considerate of my vessels than some of my brothers.”

Castiel narrowed his eye. “That’s… not possible.”

“Fine,” he sighed. “I’ll show you.”

The place wasn’t much different, only somehow more. A wide field of high grass bathed in the golden light of the fading sun. A cabin, in the middle, and on the outskirts a deep green forest. Snow-capped mountains on the horizon. A peaceful lake, with a wooden pier that went all the way up to the cabin’s porch.

And on the pier, looking resplendent in his carefully tailored surroundings, Dean Winchester was walking home with an empty beer cooler and four freshly caught trouts.

“There he is,” Michael pointed out unnecessarily. Castiel had immediately and unerringly found his target the moment their surroundings had coalesced around them, his very atoms vibrating and straining in that direction. “Careful,” Michael warned again, actually starting to pity the poor wretch. “I didn’t say you could talk to him.”

They watched silently from afar as Dean reached his porch, and was greeted by his mother, who came out to relieve him of the fish and to warn him to shower before dinner. Next the nephilim rounded the house with an armful of wood, chattering excitedly about managing the barbeque on his own. And finally Sam Winchester came out with two cold, sweating beers. He handed one to his brother, they toasted, and then they stood for a while in silence, looking out at the glorious landscape.

Michael felt just a touch of pride at the idyllic scene.

“Satisfied?”

The seraph hunched under his grip, but then he managed to surprise Michael once again.

Castiel gave him a sideways look and chuckled darkly. “This isn’t Heaven,” he declared.

“How-?” Michael spluttered, not bothering to deny it.

“This isn’t a memory, it never happened.”

“What does it matter, and how would you even know?”

“In your universe things may be different, but in ours Heaven is strictly an endless repeat of good memories… and I know all about Dean. You can’t fool me.”

Michael scowled. So much for being magnanimous.

“But thanks for taking me this close,” Castiel smirked, and stuffed something in his breast pocket.

For the second time in as many hours, Michael was unceremoniously yanked away from the place he meant to be, but this time he was on his own.

Furious, he took a moment to gather himself and inspect the content of his pocket.

A tightly knotted pouch. Witchcraft. Michael swore bombastically in Enochian. Was there no low the treacherous little mongrel wouldn’t sink to? Oh, but he’d make him pay.

He concentrated, and an anemic tendril of smoke snaked out of the pouch.

Michael huffed. It might take him a while, but he’d make him pay dearly.

One minute Dean was sipping his beer and the next it crumpled into dust in his hand. Everything and everyone around him wavered and faded away like a mirage, leaving behind only dunes of grey, scorched sand. Even the sound had ceased to be, like vacuum in outer space.

What the… he thought, slapping his hand to the small of his back, wishing he had a weapon.

He spun around, looking everywhere, but the landscape spun with him, and the wind picked up, spitting soil in his face.

Still, some form of nameless instinct told him something was approaching. He squinted and tried to shield his face as best as he could, straining his eyes.

There.

A darker point, a silhouette, a figure right in front of him. He couldn’t make out any features, but he knew.

Cas! he tried calling, but the silence wouldn’t budge. He broke out into a jog, a clumsy parody of a run on the uneven ground, which sucked at his feet and held him fast, making him as slow as a car on an empty tank.

Cas was fighting his damnest to reach him as well. Dean could see him now, beaten half to hell, urgently trying to shout something. But Dean couldn’t hear him, and he couldn’t read his lips.

They were nearly there. Dean reached out his hand, and he saw Castiel do the same. A couple of inches and their fingertips would have touched. Cas mouthed the only word Dean understood: No!, and suddenly the whole world seemingly rebooted.

Dean was on his perfect porch again, with his perfectly cold beer, looking out at his perfectly peaceful lake.

Castiel was standing next to him, smiling benevolently. He looked healthy, powerful, put together. Windswept and tanned, but then he used to always look like that at his most angelic.

“Hello, Dean.”

“Cas! What the hell?”

“My apologies. I wanted to visit you, but I fear my presence-“

“Is ‘disruptive’, yeah, you’ve said before.” Dean took a swig of his beer. It was the exact kind of tangy that he preferred. He had to make an effort to choke it down with a neutral face. “Are you staying for dinner?”

Castiel looked at him fondly, like a teacher would a slow but hardworking child. “I can’t. I have a rather delicate matter I have to attend to. I just wanted to let you know that I’ve been to see your brother and your mother, and I found them both well. He’s entering his second semester of law school with an impressive score, for a working student. And she is looking for a house with Bobby Singer. I am under the impression that they are willing to settle down together.”

Dean nodded. “Second semester, huh? Wow, has it already been that long?”

“Time flows differently in Heaven. You needn’t trouble yourself with it, anyway. Human lifespans are so brief, especially seen from here. Soon enough they’ll outlive theirs, and join you here. Then you’ll be together forever.”

“Creepy, Castiel. Creepy.” Dean put down his beer, no longer able to pretend to enjoy it. “And Jack?”

For the briefest of moments, Castiel’s serene smile wavered, but he rallied like a champ. “Hunting, doing much good to honor your memory. Though since you sacrificed yourself to save the world, hunter jobs have gotten scarce and far in between. I’m afraid he might eventually drop out of them altogether.”

“No, that would be good. Nothing good comes from a kid hunting.”

“He’s not-“ Castiel pulled his smile back up. “You needn’t worry about him. He’s still basically unkillable.”

“Oh, good,” Dean quipped, unable to help himself. Before Castiel could fully narrow his eyes, he hurried on: “it was good to see you, buddy. Thanks for stopping by. Don’t be a stranger, eh?”

Castiel smiled beatifically again, and inclined his head. “I come as often as I can, Dean, but this isn’t my place. It’s meant for humans, not angels. Besides, don’t you already have all the company you need?”

From behind the windows, Dean could make out Sam, Mary and Jack’s faces, peering out and waiting for their cue.

Dean nodded, grinning wide with all his teeth. “Yep, I have everything I could ever want here. That’s what paradise is for, isn’t it?”

“Indeed it is, Dean Winchester. Indeed it is.” Castiel clapped him on his right shoulder, and vanished with a faint sound of flapping wings.

Sam, Mary and Jack walked out, watching him silently and unblinkingly.

Dean gulped, and quickly walked out on the pier on his own. They never followed him there, unless he took them. The edge on the lake was the only place he could be alone.

When he reached it he sat down, gripping the worn wood until his hands stopped shaking.

The others remained at the house. Dean could hear them busying themselves with the barbeque. The fish already smelled delicious.

Keeping his back ramrod-straight, he hooked his foot on a piece of string hanging down into the water, brought it up to his hand, and then pulled the mason jar attached to it from under the murky lake.

There was a journal inside, and a pen. Dean opened it and stared at the first page.

DEAD.

Slowly, he put a question mark next to it.

On the next page there was Djinn?

He added another strikethrough.

Under it there was how much time? Hours Days Weeks

He crossed out Weeks and wrote Months?

And on the third page:

Where is the real Cas?

He underlined ‘real’, and added searching, and also in danger?

He closed his eyes and exhaled. He didn’t dare pray, in case the fake Castiel heard him, but he turned to the last page and wrote: don’t do anything stupid.

Don’t do anything stupid.

Yeah. If only.

[prussiumscribbles]

for prompts, i always die for omegaverse usuk <3 i hope thats your thing too ! dw if not B)

Alfred couldn’t stay inside Arthur’s house any longer. He felt like he was sinking deeper and deeper into a bottomless ocean each second as a stream of people in black passed them on the hallway, patting their shoulders and expressing condolences. Beside him, Arthur was silently gazing at his mother who was being comforted by his Alpha brothers.  

Alfred pressed his lips against Arthur’s ear and whispered, “Let’s get out of here.”

Arthur regarded him with those sad, wet eyes. A sharp knife slashed at Alfred’s heart.

“Let’s get out of this town,” insisted Alfred.  

“I— I don’t think that’s a good idea right now,” replied Arthur, his voice weak. He opened his mouth again as the impulse to apologise overcame him. “I’m sorry, I—“

“It’s okay, I understand,” said Alfred, stroking the length of Arthur’s arms and hugging him tightly.

They said goodbye after a few hours, hardly exchanging any words.

At midnight, Alfred’s phone rang. He bolted upright to see who was calling him. Before he could say anything, he heard Arthur’s soft voice:

“Okay.”

“What?” asked Alfred, gripped with confusion. He sat wondering if he had muttered something subconsciously.

“Okay, let’s go,” replied Arthur.  

Within a few minutes, they were driving along the Interstate on a rented car. They didn’t bother packing, only grabbing their phones, a bit of cash, and their credit cards before running out the door.  

Excitement rushed through their veins. They were supposed to do a road trip after high school. They couldn’t stop talking about it for months, daydreaming about the things they could do and the places they could visit, just the two of them. Colorado Rockies, Las Vegas, Chicago! But it never happened because that was when Arthur’s dad started to get ill, so he had to stay and take care of him, while Alfred had to move out for college.

The two of them chatted to keep themselves awake. Arthur leaned against the window, staring longingly at the marvellous show of lights and cityscapes. It was before sunrise when he fell asleep. Alfred kept driving.

“Oh god, you’re horrible!” exclaimed Arthur, bending over and laughing to his heart’s content.

Sparks erupted under Alfred’s skin, reminding him how much he missed hearing Arthur’s laughter.

“Excuse me, you mean awesome,” replied Alfred, shimmying closer to him. Arthur always thought he was a terrible dancer, but it never failed to cheer him up.

“You big goofball!”

They stopped on the side of the road to stretch out a bit. They would have thought they were in the middle of nowhere if the GPS hadn’t told them they were somewhere in Colorado.

Arthur sat on the hood of the car, munching on his fries, while Alfred stretched out his stiff body. The sun was setting over the seemingly endless horizon, its rays painting the barren landscape with soft hues.

Arthur fished his phone out of his pocket to tell his mum he was alright. What most people knew about Arthur was he was rarely spontaneous. This was the closest thing he did to rebellion.

“Did you ever think about leaving town?” asked Alfred, taking a bite of his hotdog.

“Not really,” replied Arthur.

“But if you do have the chance, will you do it?”

Arthur shrugged. He never left the town they grew up in— after high school, he attended a community college and immediately started working at a small and quiet bakeshop, seemingly contented with everything in his life.

“I feel like I’ll drown if I stay,” continued Alfred.  

“Alfred, it’s different for you,” said Arthur. “It’s easier for you to leave and take chances. You’re an Alpha, your family’s well-connected and—“

“I know,” said Alfred, having heard this privilege talk many times before, “but being an Omega doesn’t mean you have to stay where you were born for the rest of your life. You’ve always been living for somebody else—“

“My family needs me.”

“I realise that,” said Alfred, “And I honestly can’t think of anyone more loving and caring than you, but what about your own needs?”

Arthur said nothing.

Alfred gazed at the sky in response. They had never been in this part of the country before— there was so much left to explore. He studied the light that fell on Arthur’s pensive face, thinking about the times when he wished he was with him in university to share beautiful moments like this.

His heart ached with passion. He wanted Arthur to realise every good thing that he was missing because he chose to stay in their little town. Then, he felt disgust towards the strangers in their town who raised him only to bring him down, helping him internalise that he was an Omega, and nothing more.

“Have you ever thought about visiting other places? Meeting new people? Doing something else for a living?” asked Alfred. “I mean, god, Arthur, don’t you think maybe, just maybe, it’s time to live for yourself?”

Arthur squinted when he raised his voice.

Alfred immediately took his hand and squeezed it in silent apology.

“I’ll think about it.”

They took turns driving, never revisiting Alfred’s sudden outburst again. They stopped to buy clothes from a charity store, checked in a cheap motel for the night, and brushed their teeth with their fingers because they forgot to buy toothbrushes.

They drove for days, stopping only to stretch out or eat. Somewhere along the deserted road, the car broke down. It tested their patience— they were on the verge of arguing again as there was a storm coming and they were desperate to get a ride.

Frustrated, Arthur crossed his arms and kicked at stones. Alfred hailed the cars that passed them, hoping to get out of there soon. Fortunately, a young couple called Gilbert and Eliza gave them a lift. Soon enough, they were engaged in a conversation that brightened their mood. They were even nice enough to let them stay in their house until the storm was over and promised they’d help with the rental car.

“I’m sorry, the house is a mess right now,” said Eliza, looking sheepish. “Haven’t had much time to clean up while looking after the kids and running the business.”

Like Arthur, Eliza was an Omega. She and Gilbert, an Alpha, got married three years ago and were sharing two adorable kids. Personally, he thought she was doing a good job maintaining the house while fulfilling her other responsibilities.

“What kind of business are you running?” asked Alfred.

“An online fashion store,” said Eliza.

“Oh she’s on top of her game,” said Gilbert, scooping their son in his arms. “She’s earning more than me and that says a lot.”

Eliza blushed. “Omegas are thriving in these parts of the country, you know. We’re not just for bearing children anymore. They finally realised we’re worth more than that.”  

After a hearty dinner, she handed them blankets. “As you can see, the house is a bit small. We’re sorry, you’ll have to sleep on the couch.”

“The couch is okay, really,” said Arthur. “Thank you very much.”

That night, he and Alfred slept spooning. Alfred couldn’t see Arthur’s face but he could tell he was wide awake, deep in thought. Arthur tugged at his arms and pulled him closer.

In two days, they had moved to the next city. They found Alfred’s friends, Mathias and Lukas, who were more than happy to let them stay at their place.

“They’re a bunch of hippies,” Alfred whispered to Arthur.

“How’s it going, Al?” asked Mathias, who didn’t hear him. “Biochemistry career doing well? I just got the license to wed people now, you know. Just wedded a couple last week in the garden—“

Alfred wasn’t kidding when he said they were a bunch of hippies. As the night approached, their enormous house was soon filled with their hippie friends. They drank, smoked, laughed, and played eccentric music. Their carefree attitude seemed to influence Alfred and Arthur. Somehow, they felt lighter and happier.

At around three in the morning, when a lot of the guests were passed out all over the house, the two of them spread a blanket and lay on the floor. Arms wrapped around Arthur, Alfred relished the quiet moment. He didn’t want to close his eyes, a little scared that the whole trip was a dream. He wished Arthur was still there when he opened his eyes the next morning…

This trip had made him see the world in new colours. He liked the connection he made with the people they met, sharing interests and opinions. He hoped Arthur felt the same too. He was never good at talking about his feelings, always putting other people’s feelings first.

He kissed Arthur’s cheek and lips and inhaled his scent. He ran his fingers across the Omega mark on Arthur’s forearm while Arthur traced the side of his face.

“Let’s get married,” whispered Arthur.  

Alfred’s heart jolted out of his chest. He was stunned for a moment. Did he hear him right?

Arthur stared at him with his bright green eyes, expecting an answer.  

Alfred sat up, his eyes were blurring with tears, his chest tight. He embraced Arthur and peppered his face with kisses. He didn’t want to let him go. “Okay, okay, okay…”

They called on Mathias and Lukas who immediately scavenged for suits and ties, and called everyone to the garden, announcing the celebration. Mathias found a plastic tiara and put it on his head to emphasise that he was the official minister of the ceremony.

Within the next few minutes, Alfred and Arthur stood opposite each other, both of them in a black suit and tie, and exchanged vows. After all was said and done, they kissed and hugged tighter than they ever had. People cheered and threw flowers petals.

Arthur squeezed Alfred tight, his eyes glistening with tears. He’d never been happier his whole life.  

[ecotone99]

[HM] [FN] The Guardian Dragon pt1

This is a slightly different take on the traditional tale of a princess and dragon. I've never posted here before so hopefully it's not too long. Feedback is welcomed, hopefully you enjoy these characters and their story.

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Once upon a time, the brave and valiant knight, Sir Rodrick, had donned his finest armor, saddled up his fastest steed, and made sure he had his sturdiest shield and sharpest blade ready for he was setting upon an epic quest to save a princess from a fierce dragon.

A fine and noble goal to be sure, as long as we ignore the lack of agency for the princess, of course. But that’s often overlooked in favor of the romanticism of a grand rescue from a vicious beast. Whereupon the gallant and virtuous knight receives the well-deserved reward of the innocent and venerable princess’s hand to be wed and live happily ever after in their kingdom. Unfortunately Sir Rodrick isn’t aware that this story isn’t about him. As such, he has no idea he will be naught but a bit player, making his harrowing journey across seemingly endless tumultuous terrain, and through numerous perilous predicaments nothing but an interesting footnote for the greater events to come.

Alas, sir Rodrick prevailed through his hardships to arrive at the dragon’s keep where the princess was held within the tallest tower, as was tradition. From the outside it looked much as one would expect of a castle, strong stone exterior with a large archway leading to the interior courtyard which would allow one access to the princess’s tower.

“Fear not my princess, for I, Sir Rodrick have come to rescue you!” He called out, raising his hand to the tower, his armor freshly cleaned before arriving so that it absolutely gleamed in the light. He wanted to put forth his best for his first meeting with his future queen after all.

The princess groaned in annoyance, taking her time as she walked to the window and hesitantly leaned her head out to see the knight posturing below. Sir Rodrick could just make out her luxurious golden hair as she came into view, meanwhile she squinted her eyes from the light reflecting off of his obnoxiously shiny armor.

“Um… hi… can you just, go away now?” The princess asked, causing much confusion for Sir Rodrick.

He paused a moment, certainly he must have misheard her, or maybe she didn’t fully comprehend what was going on. “… Ahem… Fear not princess, I…”

“Yeah, I heard that part.” The princess said, interrupting poor Sir Rodrick’s noble proclamation. “Thanks for making the trip and all, but, seriously, can you just go back home? It would be a lot easier for everyone.” She continued, oddly focused on turning Sir Rodrick away.

How could this possibly be? He wondered, surely there was something wrong here. Aha, perhaps the dragon had her frightened for his safety. Such a caring young woman she must be! Inspired by her kindness the knight attempted to reach her with his words once again. “Ah, I appreciate your concern princess, but I do not fear the dragon which has imprisoned you here. I shall slay the beast and…”

“You’re not leaving are you?” The princess asked, interrupting him once again as she slumped against the window frame in annoyance.

“No, I…” Sir Rodrick practically snarled as he was interrupted once again.

“’Nita!” The princess called out to another person whom Sir Rodrick had yet to see apparently. “There’s another one!”

“I’ll be right there.” Answered another voice, in the distance.

Moments later a large and imposing figure emerged from the shadows, eyes and nostrils glowing in the darkness menacingly before emerging to reveal none other than the vicious dragon holding the princess captive. It took a quick breath before blowing a stream of smoke at the knight causing him to cough as he waved it away as best he could.

“It would be much easier for everyone if you simply turned around. Would you kindly leave us alone, please?” The dragon asked in a polite, yet firm tone.

Sir Rodrick’s noble steed was anxious, beginning to pace side to side knowing better than to test the patience of a dragon, yet the knight persisted.

“You reveal yourself! Prepare dragon, for I shall slay you and claim my prize!” The knight proclaimed, drawing his sword and raising it high.

The dragon, meanwhile, took another small breath before blowing a bit of fire at his noble steed, causing the horse to whinny and buck in fear. Despite his best efforts Sir Rodrick couldn’t hold on and was knocked from his steed as it quickly spun around and ran away. As he lay on his back, catching his breath and searching for his fallen sword the dragon spoke again.

“If you run now you may be able to catch your steed.” It said with a rather dismissive tone, which only made the knight more determined to best the beast. Reclaiming his sword he got back to his feet and brandished it at the dragon once more, his shield at the ready.

“You won’t be so lucky beast, I have come to rescue the princess and that is what I’ll do!” The daring knight replied, unaware the princess above was rolling her eyes at his claims.

“Go get him ‘Nita, just, you know, don’t hurt him too much!” The princess cheered down to the two.

“Of course.” The dragon replied as it emerged from the keep, squeezing itself through the large opening before looming over the knight, who was now thoroughly shocked and confused by the whole situation. “You should have left when we asked nicely.” The dragon said as it reached down and plucked his sword right from his hands, tossing it haphazardly off into the surrounding woods before doing the same with his shield. “Would you like to run now?” The dragon asked the knight, now thoroughly distraught at how easily he had been disarmed by the massive creature before him. He turned and began to run as quickly as he could. Once he was a reasonable distance away the dragon leaned forward and exhaled a large plume of fire right behind the knight to hasten his retreat.

“And don’t come back!” The princess yelled out her window as the knight ran as fast he could.

“Now, don’t be rude, that’s not becoming of a princess.” The dragon said, turning to face her in her window.

“They’re being rude, always coming here, interrupting and talking about slaying you. Talking about slaying someone’s best friend, THAT’S rude.” The princess countered.

“You have a point.” The dragon smiled. “Still, we strive to be better. What would you like to eat tonight?”

“Hmm… how about a stew! But, maybe smaller bites this time, cut things so they’ll fit in MY mouth?”

“I’ll see what I can do.” The dragon replied, leaning in to allow the princess, her best friend, to pet her snout before squeezing back into the castle keep once more to get back to their routine which the knight had so rudely interrupted.

By now, you may be wondering just how this came to be. After all, the princess isn’t supposed to be best friends with her dragon captor and is supposed to rejoice at the sight of a knight come to rescue her. Well, that is how things would normally go, though this tale is obviously a little different. Without further ado, let me tell you how this tale of a princess and her guardian dragon began.

Once upon a time, a young princess was celebrating her sixth birthday. Any birthday should be celebrated as a momentous occasion, but this one would prove particularly memorable for the young princess. After a day of celebration and merriment, her parents, the king and queen of their land, would reveal that they had selected their daughter’s guardian dragon.

If you’re familiar at all with fairy tales, then you’ve surely heard many stories of how a fair maiden is kidnapped by a fierce dragon which a brave and noble knight or prince must slay in order to win her heart and hand before ascending to their roles as noble king and queen of their land. It’s all very dramatic and evokes a feeling of grandeur for the couple once they have emerged triumphantly from their harrowing challenge. In short, it’s a pretty good way to build up a reputation and become popular with the people of the kingdom through a darn good story.

So, what is a guardian dragon? Well, as impressive as those stories are, it’s not exactly something that happens every day. So, some entrepreneurial folks decided to streamline and refine the process. If a royal family wanted their offspring to have a truly fairytale story they might seek out a deal with an agreeable dragon, in which the dragon would look after and care for their young princess until the time was right and a young prince or knight would retrieve them. How this happened tended to vary based on the dragon’s personality. For some the challenge may be a test of strength and a rather difficult riddle, though some still preferred a traditional battle to the death, so it was important to make sure you knew what to expect from your prospective dragon.

It was in that interest that the young princess would be meeting her prospective guardian dragon after the guests had left and the party had concluded. While the king and queen were quite excited to introduce the pair, the princess was notably hesitant.

During the party many of the attendants and courtiers were notably jealous as dragon reveal parties were quite popular among the nobility of the time. It’s quite the affair with dragon effigies in boxes to reveal the species of the dragon, and games for the young ones like pin the tail on the dragon, a dragon piñata filled with spicy candies, and fireworks. It’s an enjoyable if not flamboyant occasion to be sure. However the princess herself was having a little trouble truly enjoying the event. She was too young to grasp the potential long term benefits of such an arrangement. She just knew it would mean leaving the familiar surroundings of her home for a solitary tower and was reasonably frightened by the prospect. Which, in my opinion, is a sensible stance to be in when being told you’re going to be handed over to a rather large carnivorous fire breathing reptile and showed great wisdom for her age. Never-the-less the time had come, the guests had left, the evening sun was setting, and the dragon flew down and landed in a vacant castle courtyard where the king, queen, princess, and a handful of guards were waiting.

The presence of guards hardly concerned the dragon, not only was it an expected guest, but it was large and powerful enough that it could easily scoop up a person in one hand. Not that it would, it was here to make a good impression after all. Which is why it had cleaned up before arriving, its large claws, horns, and teeth scrubbed and sparkling white, its scales polished and shiny, the reddish pink color still vibrant and fiery despite the dimming lighting of the evening sunset. As it came to land it did so gently, though this still produced a bit of a thud as it set down before tucking its wings in tight against its back.

It was an awe inspiring sight. Though rather than marvel at the gigantic creature the princess seemed more content to hide behind her mother’s dress. Seeing the young girl cowering, the dragon held out one of its claws which had an ornate golden necklace dangling from it.

“I brought a gift.” The dragon said, holding out the necklace for the queen to take. “Though I fear it may be a bit large, I’m afraid I didn’t realize quite how small young humans are.”

“Thank you.” The queen said, taking the necklace before trying to push the princess forward to greet the great beast. “Come now, don’t be rude.” She said as the princess clung to her dress and refused to move.

“It’s alright.” The dragon said calmly at the sight of the struggling child. “I can be patient. She may take her time.”

The king and queen thanked the dragon for her understanding, but tried to get their daughter to introduce herself, regardless. As part of their introductions to each other, the king and queen had one of the spires near the courtyard where the dragon had landed prepared and set up for the young princess to stay in temporarily. Sort of like a sleep-over to get to know her new caretaker, or that was the idea. The princess continued to be less than enthused by the whole situation, though true to her word, the dragon was patient. Even as days passed, the large creature did her best to comfort the princess and appear nonthreatening, spending most of her time laying in front of the princess’s makeshift accommodations like an exceptionally large guard dog dutifully watching and waiting.

Occasionally the king and queen would return and prompt the young princess into engaging with the dragon. There might be a minor success from time to time, a bit of talking, perhaps the princess would be willing to touch or climb on the dragon, though any success would quickly be overridden with the fear of what the creature meant. The princess knew that eventually this dragon would be taking her from her home.

Days passed with little success, the king and queen were growing impatient and considering calling the entire thing off, however the dragon persisted. Even as, on the fifth day of waiting, a storm began to develop over the kingdom. The winds blew fiercely as the sun was blocked out by large black clouds and the rain began to pour down. The ground around the dragon grew soft and muddy, yet she continued to wait weathering the storm, which continued to grow more and more intense with each passing moment. Finally, the lightning and thunder came, igniting the sky with blinding flashes of light before cacophonous booms ricocheted off the castle walls. Being a young child, without her parents nearby, the princess was obviously frightened. The dragoness quickly rose from her spot as she heard a frightened scream come from the princess’s tower.

“Don’t worry princess. I will protect you.” The dragon said comfortingly as she peered in at her through a window. “If this storm is scaring you, then I will chase it away. Cover your ears now, this is going to be loud.”

She watched to make sure the princess did as she was told, placing her hands over her ears before taking a deep breath, then pointing her head straight up. Opening her mouth wide, the dragon let out a deafening roar, so loud the windows rattled and the walls of the castle shook as a torrent of flames burst forth and blazed towards the dark black clouds above. The princess’s eyes grew wide as she approached the window, watching in awe as the dragon spewed her flame up into the sky. After a few moments a clear hole had been punched through the thick clouds, which began to dissipate as the evaporated water now began to manifest a thick fog on the ground around the dragoness.

The princess eagerly flung open the window as the dragoness lowered her head, steam and smoke billowing forth as the extreme heat dissipated. “You’re amazing!” The princess proclaimed, looking at the dragon with awe. “What’s your name?” She asked.

“Name? I don’t have a human name.” The dragon answered.

“Well then, I’ll call you Anita!” The princess proclaimed energetically.

“Anita…” The dragon repeated, a small smile beginning to form. “Thank you princess.”

“Don’t call me princess! We’re friends now. Call me Momo!”

“Yes, Momo.” The dragoness answered as the king, queen, and a small platoon of guards rushed to the courtyard, weapons drawn and prepared for the worst. To their surprise the young princess was happily perched upon the dragon’s head having climbed out the window only moments earlier to be closer to her new dragon friend. “Mommy, daddy, Anita’s amazing!” The princess exclaimed to her incredibly relieved parents below.

That is how young princess Momo met her dragon guardian, and best friend, Anita. At the time it was a great relief for her parents to see that she had finally opened up to the idea. Little did they, and poor Sir Rodrick, realize that with time the princess would decide that she would rather stay with her best friend than have to leave her, leading to a slew of disappointed and embarrassed knights, and two anxious parents who would begin to wonder if their daughter would ever return to them.

I feel it is important to note that princess Momo was by no means a prisoner in Anita’s keep. After all, the two were quite close so the dragoness would never imprison her little human friend. There were no locked gates or other obstructions keeping Momo there, she was free to move as she pleased. Of course, she still needed to remain reasonably close to Anita otherwise some rogue knight might come across her unescorted and separate her from her friend. Despite the fact Anita’s keep lacked the standard obstacles it wasn’t something the pair was particularly worried about as most knights who would set out upon this sort of quest had never actually faced a dragon in person. Or perhaps they had heard stories of riddle based challenges and didn’t expect to actually face a dragon in open combat. Whatever the case Anita was always more than capable of meeting the challenge, and thus they enjoyed their time together occasionally dealing with the minor inconvenience of noble pests interrupting their daily routines.

Why would a dragon want to engage in this sort of endeavor, one might ask. Well, there are multiple reasons, of course, but the most common answer would be to increase the size of their hoard. As everyone should know, dragons have a love for gold and other precious shiny trinkets and love nothing more than piling it all up into a large sparkly impractical bed. Actually that’s not entirely true, while many dragons will sleep on or around their hoard to keep it safe it does serve other purposes. Occasionally some will be useful for bartering or as gifts, but sometimes a dragon might also ingest a bit of the precious metal. With their unique anatomy this is almost the equivalent of a vitamin for them, keeping their scales strong and shiny among other things. So, when given the opportunity to increase their hoard while only having to look after a skinny little girl and ask a few riddles in exchange, it’s a rather good deal. Still, some enjoyed the challenge and simply liked having a reason to battle brave knights. One common factor though, is that it was always handled as a business venture and whenever the terms of the agreement were met, the venture was over, one way or another.

So, why did Anita agree to this sort of venture? Truth be told, Anita was growing old. She had grown bored and tired of simply maintaining her hoard in a solitary keep. She had already lived several human lifetimes and felt she needed something different. Something new to liven things up. At first she had expected that it would be the life or death battles with brave knights which would bring back the spark of excitement, though from the moment that storm hit and she heard the frightened squeal of that young princess, she found a new purpose. She found something she had not set out for, but sorely needed in her life, she found a friend. Now she had more to look forward to than going out in a blaze of glory battling a skilled knight. She had the joy of seeing this young girl grow into a woman and being there to see her through it all. Had Anita had close friends prior they would surely have noticed how the dragoness grew more animated and lively when with the girl. Especially noteworthy are the smiles which would break through her normally dour face. Anita had become the princess’s friend and mentor and it brought her a new kind of happiness, one that was far more valuable than a pile of glimmering gold.

Of course, while young princess Momo didn’t have as much say in the events as Anita and the rest, she is quite happy as well. Living with Anita has allowed her to do things she wouldn’t have been able to do at the castle. While this might mean she could be a bit more tomboyish than most princesses, Anita always made sure to enforce the concepts of propriety and remaining ladylike to her as well. The princess also knew that should she ever wish to leave her friend would likely let her go, though she didn’t know what that would mean for Anita going forward, so while the thought might occasionally cross her mind, remembering that it was her parents who decided on this path in the first place eased any guilt she might have at retaining her freedom and remaining with her friend a bit longer.

So, everyone lived happily ever after, right? The story’s over, time to move along? Unfortunately not. While our heroines were happy, there were other forces conspiring against them. One would be Momo’s own parents, the king and queen whom had grown tired of waiting for their daughter to return. Another would be the scores of knights whom Anita and Momo had humiliated which wouldn’t mind a bit of revenge to return their honor. Finally, and most unassumingly, there was a thief whom they had never met, but would shake up their lives in a big way.

​

Once upon a time, there was a thief named Jack. While Jack himself had never met either Momo or Anita before, and held no particular malice for the pair, he would find himself unwittingly delivering it to their doorstep. He actually preferred to be called a rogue, however everyone knows all that really means is that he is a thief who occasionally gets paid to work with others and utilize his thievery skills in the process. In summary, Jack is not a trustworthy man, as some of his former associates had suddenly come to realize when, after a celebratory trip to the local tavern, they had discovered their lovable rogue had helped himself to some of their hard earned coin.

Being a skilled rogue Jack was light on his feet and used this to his advantage to get a head start in running from his former compatriots. He also used his knowledge of the less traveled and shadier parts of the city to aid in his escape. Unfortunately for him though, luck was not on his side when he emerged from one of his, usually safe, alleyways to come face to face with a group of knights which had begun gathering in the city for, as yet, unknown reasons. Obviously for a thief, this is not a particularly pleasant situation to be in with knights ahead and pursuers close behind. Still, Jack was confident, smooth, putting on his best confident face he began to stroll casually past the knights with a pleasant nod of the head. It would seem he may yet escape this situation unscathed, until he found his stride broken by the exclamation of, “Stop that thief!”

It would seem running into the knights had taken what little lead he had over his compatriots and the rogue now found himself being pursued by both them and the knights. In a time like this, even the most composed puckish rogue can become a bit frazzled, so Jack’s grand plan at this point was to simply run as fast as he could and hope that he could eventually lose his pursuers. However, as previously stated, luck wasn’t exactly working in his favor at the moment, and before long he found himself running across the bridge out of town and into the forest, his pursuers still close behind.

Finally, in the distance he spotted a structure, a large stone castle. Being so far into the woods, surely it must be abandoned, this could be the perfect place for him to hide and slip away, safe to resume his roguish ways another day. Charging forth with renewed vigor he rounded the corner and made his way for the large entrance, which was conveniently wide open, only to find himself running into a young woman carrying a bushel of sticks in her arms.

“Aah! Who are you?!” Asked the princess in surprise. She thought they had more time before another knight would show up.

While the young woman was a surprise, Jack had little choice, he would need her assistance to escape this situation. “Knights, chasing me… I need to hide!” He panted, expecting that the woman would require more convincing to go along with his request, yet to his bewilderment, she seemed to readily acquiesce.

“This way.” She said, dropping her sticks and pulling him along into an alcove beside the entrance. “’Nita! Knights!!!” She called out into the castle. The thief was confused, he had no idea what to expect from this, but quickly found himself hugging the wall as he stared wide-eyed at the large reddish-pink dragon that charged past them and blocked the entrance. “Don’t worry, she’ll get rid of them.” The young woman said with a smile, as the thief could do little but nod and try to calm the pounding of his heart as he wasn’t sure if this turn of events was for the best, or if his situation had become even direr.

Though the knights and adventurers who turned the same corner to find themselves face to face with a dragon were likely even more concerned than him at the moment. Seeing such a large group Anita dispensed with her normally polite tactics and slammed her hand to the ground, sending vibrations right up their spines as the ground, and their knees, rattled from the fierce impact. “Leave!” The dragon exclaimed as smoke billowed forth from her nostrils and her mouth glowed with impending fire. The group of knights and adventurers hesitated, but only for a moment, it didn’t take them long to realize they weren’t exactly prepared for a battle with a dragon, and if the thief had indeed hidden in its keep, it would likely make short work of him, if it hadn’t already. As the group turned around to make a hasty retreat Anita exhaled a great plume of fire behind them just to make sure they had no allusions of returning again.

As Anita returned back to the courtyard she began to speak to Momo, not realizing yet that they had an unexpected guest. “They don’t usually arrive so late in the day, or in such numbers, what could…” The dragoness began to wonder, before seeing the thief pressed against the wall behind the princess as if hoping he would somehow disappear or slink through it. As soon as Anita began to bear her fangs, Momo held out her arms to make sure her friend didn’t attack the mysterious man.

“No, Anita, it’s ok! The knights were chasing him. He needed help, he doesn’t like knights either.” The princess explained.

“In my experience, if someone is running from knights there’s a reason.” Anita countered, glaring at the man with obvious distrust.

“That’s a dragon!!!” Jack found himself exclaiming, as he finally began to return to his senses.

“Yes, I’m a dragon.” Anita replied succinctly with a flat impatient tone.

“And your name’s… Anita?” Jack asked, finding the name remarkably underwhelming for such a magnificent beast. “Anita, the dragon?”

“Yes, Anita the Dragon.” She confirmed, clearly annoyed, which the thief had no problem recognizing.

“Yes, yes, beautiful name.” He said raising his hands cautiously before resting one on his forehead. “Wait a minute… Dragon, guarding an old castle in the middle of nowhere, that must mean you’re…” Jack started to turn towards Momo, but instead had to quickly jump out of the way as Anita quickly reached out attempting to snatch him up and away from her friend. “Whoa!” he exclaimed as he dodged the dragon’s claws. “Anita, stop!” Momo cried out as the dragon continued to grab at the thief attempting to catch him, though this was proving trickier than expected. The thief was indeed light on his feet and using his nimble moves to evade the large dragon’s moves.

“Ah, I see…” He began to say tauntingly as he continued to dodge her, “that’s why you catch the knights outside. It’s harder for you to move in smaller spaces. Or perhaps you don’t want to break anything in here.” He said, feeling rather clever about having figured out how to outmaneuver the dragoness. His boasting proved rather annoying though as Anita’s nostrils began to flare and her mouth began to glow once again. As the two continued their game of cat and mouse, the princess charged in between the two.

“I said STOP!!!” She exclaimed holding her arms out wide as a barrier between the two, for whatever good that would do considering she was smaller than Jack and considerably smaller than Anita. Still, the two did stop and focus their attention onto her. “Anita, please…” She said firmly to her friend, who finally relaxed her stance and held back her eager flames. She then turned to face Jack directly. “Anita IS a beautiful name. I gave it to her.” She explained, adding, “And you really shouldn’t antagonize her, considering she just saved you.”

Jack took a breath, then crossed his right arm over his chest and bowed lightly, “You’re right, your highness, I apologize.”

Hearing him call Momo highness upset Anita though, she bared her fangs once more then leaned in closely to him, “I don’t trust him!” She growled, smoke beginning to flow from the sides of her mouth again.

“Anita!” The princess exclaimed, reaching up and petting her friend’s snout comfortingly before addressing Jack again. “He hasn’t even told us his name, we know nothing about him yet.”

“My apologies.” Jack said, standing up straight with a confident smile on his face. “I am the Condor! A rogue who…”

“What’s a rogue?” Princess Momo asked, interrupting his introduction.

“It’s a thief. He’s a common thief.” Anita answered, clearly still displeased with his presence.

“Hey now, there’s nothing COMMON about me! I am the Condor, I swoop in with the cover of darkness and use my skills to…”

“Steal. He uses his skills to steal things. I knew there was reason not to trust him. You should leave. NOW.” Anita said, beginning to reach for him again, though this time the princess simply frowned and walked into her path causing Anita’s claws to wrap around her instead.

“Perhaps Anita would lighten up a little if you would share your REAL name?” She suggested, clearly not at all bothered by being within the dragon’s grasp. If anything Anita seemed more concerned as she immediately loosened her grip and began to fuss over straightening any parts of the princess’s outfit that may have been inadvertently ruffled.

“You have an unusual relationship with your dragon…” Jack said quietly, watching the two with a bit of confusion before continuing. “Alright, alright, the name is Jack, and I’m grateful to the both of you. You quite possibly saved my neck tonight, as such you have my word that I will be on my best behavior, and if you allow me to stay the night I will be gone come morning.” He said, bowing respectfully to both of them.

“Did the men from before have your word too?” Anita asked in a somewhat snide tone as the princess stepped forth from her grasp and gave her a stern look.

“You are welcome to stay.” She said, approaching him with a smile. “Come, Anita was just preparing supper, tell me of your adventures while we wait.”

“Gladly, princess.” He said, extending his arm to her so they might walk together.

“Momo.” She said, introducing herself.

“Momo? Princes… Momo… Of course.” He shook his head in disbelief at yet another incredibly underwhelming name only to catch Anita glaring daggers at him from the corner of his eye. He immediately straightened up and put on a smile as he and the princess walked away, beginning to charm her with tales of his cunning and skill.

As the evening continued the trio had their meal as Jack regaled them with, yet more, tails of his greatness, which Anita remained highly skeptical of. Of course eventually night time would fall and it would be time to rest. Anita made certain that the thief didn’t get any ideas about following Momo to her room and insisted he remain either in the courtyard or one of the empty rooms off to the side. Sure they hadn’t been dusted in… ever, but perhaps some of them still had useful things in them. Meanwhile she returned to her hoard where she would maintain a watchful vigil to ensure the thief didn’t get any foolish ideas about even looking at her gold.

After a night of, questionable rest, for Anita and Jack a comfortably rested Momo emerged from her tower. “Anita? Jack?” She called out to see if either of them were awake. Anita emerged from her cave and cautiously searched the perimeter as well. “It would seem the thief was telling the truth, he did leave as promised.” Anita was rather happy about this, of course, though Momo couldn’t help but be a little disappointed. She was beginning to like the idea of having another human around. Especially one with interesting and funny stories, not to mention she did sort of enjoy his appearance as well.

“Well, back to normal then. Let’s have some breakfast and prepare for today’s lessons.” Anita said, beginning to turn back around and prepare for the day.

“There they are, my two favorite ladies!” Jack called out, breaking Anita’s stride and causing the dragoness to quickly turn her neck to see the thief returning with several satchels in hand. “And did I hear something about breakfast? I’d love some, I’m starved.”

The two women’s reactions couldn’t be more different as they responded in unison, “Jack you’re back!” The princess exclaimed with glee. “You, what are you doing here?!” Anita snarled.

The dragon quickly turned back around to face the man. “You said you were leaving!” She said pointing an accusing claw at him.

“That’s right. I said I’d be gone come morning, and I was, then I decided to grab my things and come back. You know, ‘cause you were just so hospitable last night. I figured, maybe it would be ok if I used one of those spare rooms you pointed out and stayed here a while.” He said, setting down his bags and smiling at her with a large grin.

“Absolutely not!” Anita exclaimed, slamming her fist down on the ground causing it to rumble beneath them.

“Anita…” The princess whined. She knew her friend was just looking out for her, but liked the idea of having someone new around for a while.

Jack was shaken, literally and figuratively, by the dragon’s outburst, though he quickly regained his composure. “Ok, I get it. I know, whatever this thing is you’ve got going on here, you’re looking out for each other. That’s good, that’s downright admirable.” He said, approaching Anita directly in an attempt to show there was nothing to hide and he came in good faith, though the sight of the dragoness snarling at him quickly reversed his course. “I can help. You don’t like knights, I don’t like knights, doesn’t hurt to have another pair of eyes keeping a look out for things right?”

“That’s right! See Anita, he can be useful.” The princess quickly chimed in. “Can he stay?” She then pleaded, looking at her friend with adorable begging eyes.

Anita blew a huff of smoke up to the sky before turning around. “You can’t stay for free. If you can’t pay for a room, then you’ll work. Our rooms are off limits, you’re never to set foot in Momo’s room or mine uninvited or I will eject you myself.” She said firmly laying down the rules of his, hopefully very temporary, stay.

Momo couldn’t help but smile, as Jack tried to play it cool despite the fact his heart was once again pounding in his chest. “She’s just a big softy.” He joked, not that Momo picked up on that. “She is!” She replied happily, adding “Come on, let’s pick out a room!”

And that is how Jack the thief came to live with princess Momo and her dragon guardian Anita. But this was just the beginning of their tale. There was far more yet to come.

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