#They didn't need much updating. They are perfect <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[infinityinakiss]

Do you have top 3 pazzi pics?

edit: so i'm blind and can't read apparently and i made this whole list cause i thought you said fics. just pretend you asked for fics cause i don't have the heart to delete this and i'll make another post with my pics. this is so embarrassing for me.

it'd be easier to pick a favorite child, man. i'm gonna spotlight a couple (a ton) of authors with my favorite fics by them, but just know i am absolutely in love with anything they write. this post is about to be so long.

@imaginespazzi - anything nivi writes is a godsend. golden hour broke me a thousand different ways, as i'm sure it did many other people, but if you like a fluffy fic, i reread their here's to eternity series whenever i wanna smile at my screen like an idiot.

@luvergirl-535 - actually so good and so funny, her that's so true series is like the perfect mixture of comedy and angst. she's such a wholehearted author, i love her writing so much.

@loeysoi - everything she writes is so beautiful. she says her favorite fic that she's written is thinking of you (while i'm up here), but i've got such a soft spot for weren't we the salt in the sea. lyra, if you see this, your writing is so lovely and if you'd like to update salt in the sea, i wouldn't be opposed.

@azzibuckets - trying to pick one thing that cessa's written is giving me anxiety, so just read all of it. also, follow her and put her notifs on, she's so funny. literally such a beautiful person to follow online.

@bucketgetter535 - wanna feel like you're 15 again and it is all so bright and fireflies aren't going extinct, but also everything is insanely complicated and nobody will tell you anything? read their fic this is not a cry for help (but it might be). i personally love writing that reads like thoughts, that doesn't try to be anything less than it is, and this fic is it. (also there is a little soft spot in my heart for i don't even like her.)

@theseh00perscanh00p - genuinely one of my favorite authors on here, reading their writing is like being given a tight hug (most of the time at least, this new series has been tearing my heart out.) par for the heart is so sweet, not very angsty, and i just love paige and azzi's character voice in it.

@raevpng - rae, i love your writing so fucking much, i basically live in your anons because you're so good and i feel the need to constantly glaze you. i am actually so obsessed with their new series only you, go read it now if you know what's good for you. their one shots are so incredible, bags is a personal favorite of mine.

@azzibueckers5 - their series i wanna know peace again (wanna sing a different song) is one of my top rereads, it's truly so well written and emotional and just everything that i don't think i can fully articulate how much i love it without kissing them on the cheeks like an italian grandma.

@sowerpatch - i've been so hooked on their series terms of play, the tension and the dynamic is so good and so addictive. paige in this fic has balls the size of australia and it always makes my jaw drop.

so yeah. there's my very short and sweet top 3 pazzi fics. totally didn't go overboard.

psa: i love that here it's normal to send an anon so you can really show the authors how much you appreciate em. but it has broken my heart to see people abuse the very thing i love about the fandom to make authors feel unsafe. this is your daily reminder that fic authors are people too and they have their own lives besides writing. try not to hound them too much about when they're gonna update, and always give them grace. they are creating beautiful art for free because they love to. don't ruin that for them.

and if you threaten authors and run them off the internet because they fear for their safety, you are the actual scum of the earth.

[vksims]

Photo Dump

featuring Junko and Mukuro

[dire-vulture]

hello??? omgggg

[thinkinonsense]

I KNEW YOU IN ANOTHER LIFEᰔ

dp&w!logan howlett x past wife!reader

cw: mostly angst, some fluff, sorta mean logan, cussing.

wc: 800+

a/n: this is inspired by a one-shot I read a while back but I cannot remember who wrote it. If anyone knows, please please please let me know in the comments so I can give them credit <3 update!!! this is it!!

｡ ₊°༺❤︎༻°₊ ｡

The last person you thought you would find here in the void is Logan. There has never been a Wolverine in here. You almost didn't believe it when you found out; needing to see him for yourself. And here he was. Right in front of you, the Logan you grieved all those years ago. The one who stole your heart.

Your Logan.

"And who the fuck are you?" He barked, pushing you away from him.

Those words broke your heart the second they left his lips.

Wade smacks Logan, informing him of your past together. Logan looked like he didn't believe Wade at first. You were way too beautiful for any version of him, Logan thought. What would someone like you want with a man like him?

Tears well up in your eyes as you leave, not wanting it to sting anymore. Laura follows you, glaring at the man who looked like her father. Logan didn't seem to care about the new information, instead reaching for another one of Gambit's bottles.

"I'm sorry, mom," Laura whispers, wrapping her arms around you.

"It's okay, sweetie. I'm not sure what I expected to happen." You sniffle. "He just looks so much like him."

"I know."

Suddenly, Laura stood up and stomped out the door to confront the man who upset her mother. She found Logan sitting outside alone by the fire.

"Look kid, I'm not the man you and your mother think I am." Logan sighs, not even bothering to turn around to check if it's Laura.

"You made her cry," Laura hissed, ignoring his previous comment. Logan looked up at the young girl almost apologetically before shaking his head. "Her Logan would have never made her cry."

Logan felt a sharpness in his stomach at the news. Deep down, he wondered if you two were together at some point. He doubted it though because you looked out of his league. If a past version of him managed to marry you then maybe he did some good during his time.

"If you two haven't noticed, I'm the worst Logan apparently."

"You don't have to be."

ᰔ

It's late when you finally stumble out of bed, not able to sleep. Hours of tossing and turning, trying to get Logan out of your mind. This felt like a cruel joke on your poor heart. You know it's unfair to have him pretend to be your Logan but you desperately wanted it to be him.

All of your memories together haunt your mind like a graveyard. Sweet Sundays spent wrapped in sheets. How he kissed your face every morning, had you wear his dog tags, and ride on the back of his motorcycle. You would give anything to get just one of those moments back.

"What are you doin' awake?"

The voice behind you caused you to jump slightly. A hand coming to rest on your back. You turn around, face-to-face with Logan.

"Can't sleep." You shrugged, opening the freezer to pull out a container of strawberry ice cream.

"That shit won't help you sleep." He grunts, sitting at the table. You ignore his grumpiness and continue scooping the ice cream into a bowl.

"Can we talk?" Logan didn't look you in the eyes as he spoke. Too ashamed of his actions earlier.

"I suppose so." You shrugged, pulling the spoon from between your lips.

"Were we really married?"

You answer by pulling the chain around your neck for him to see. A small diamond ring dangled next to the dog tags he gave you. The moment he saw it, he felt like the biggest asshole who ever lived.

"How many years?" The words stung in his throat.

"Five."

"What was our life like?"

"Perfect." You smile softly down at your bowl. "At least it was to me."

"You did a good job with raising her." He muttered, referring to Laura.

"You would have to."

He's silent for a second, trying to wrap his mind around the idea of being a husband and a father. He wished he knew what it was like to be cared for as much as you cared for your Logan.

"You know, you have the same look in your eyes," Your voice was so quiet, stepping closer to him until you were in front of him.

Logan could see the desperation on your face as you stared at his lips. It would be wrong for him to toy with your widowed heart, but he wanted to be the man you needed. The man you deserved.

"I'm not him, sweetheart," He said, attempting to stop you before you hurt yourself. "And I don't want you to get hurt-"

"Please," You beg, eyes filling up with tears. "I don't care who you are. I just don't want it to hurt anymore."

You were slowly killing him. How could he say no to you? Even if he was the worst Logan, he has a heart. Which is why he lets you close the gap between the two of you. His hands are tangled in your hair while one of yours rests on his jaw before climbing into his lap.

For the first time in years, your heart began beating again. You and Logan could play pretend for now. Neither of you cared what would happen tomorrow, right now was all that mattered.

[notanactressyayy]

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗ 𝐬𝐡𝐡... 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐚 𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐛𝐢𝐭 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞

pairing . Natasha Romanoff x virgin! fem! reader

summary . when she decides to make the move and discovers you had never experienced anything like that ever before, she plans the perfect way to put your fears away and get to see that side of yours for the first time.

warnings . smut! i am not responsible for your content consumption! — implied sexual abuse (from Dreykov), virginity loss, foreplay, nipple play, strap on usage, fingering, multiple orgasms, lots of praises, Natasha's incredibly hot russian.

notes . english is not my first language (🇧🇷) so i apologize for any spelling errors. feedback is highly appreciated! <3

divider credits: @anitalenia

you had been waiting for Nat to come home from the avengers compound all day. she had told you Tony was making some updates on FRIDAY and needed the team's opinion on everything, so she stayed there a little longer than the usual.

you had to admit — it was never the same without her in the house. wearing her clothes didn't help as much as you thought, neither did Liho meowing all day as if telling you she missed her.

so your eyes perked up to the door as you heard the doorknob turning, eyes sparkling at the sight of Natasha. she was smiling.

most of the times she came back from the compound she had bruises and cuts from missions, and looked down and tired. so knowing she had fun with her team made your day a hundred times better. even if it was already midnight.

"hey, kitten," she chuckles and crouches down to pick the cat up as she runs to her, immediately nuzzling against her and meowing. "i missed you too,"

"i missed you too." you say quietly, Natasha's eyes immediately following the voice. she drops her bag on the floor and runs towards you, sitting on the edge of the couch where you laid.

"hi, dorogaya!" she places her hand on your cheek and pecks your lips, coaxing a little sigh out of you. her mouth then travels to your forehead to plant a kiss there. "i'm sorry for making you wait. but it was so fun. all i could think about was coming home and telling you!"

you giggle, seeing her so enthusiastic. you shift to make room for her on the couch and she adjusts herself so you're leaning on her chest now — Liho laying comfortably on both of you. "okay. tell me!"

"so," she begins, taking a deep breath as she became selfconscious about how happy she was. "Ant Man was there, and he was struggling with his pym-particle blasters and he became very very tiny. more than he should. and then, when Tony opened FRIDAY's device, he decided to tease all of us and entered there, tickling the artificial intelligence! she pretended to laugh, and Tony couldn't understand why everything he was trying to do wasn't working."

her laugh was so sweet, so genuine, that a sense of calm washed over you, everything was okay now, you were both okay. and knowing Natasha, having her happy was the best gift you could ever have. your arms wrapped around her neck, and you kisses the tip of her nose. "i'm glad you had a great day with them,"

Natasha's lips parted as she felt the kiss, her gaze locking with yours. she realized she had finally gotten rid of that feeling that something bad could happen anytime. she wasn't alert 24/7 anymore. now, she was home. with you. "i did.. and i have you now."

she carefully picks the sleeping cat and place her on the little bed next to the couch, then returns her attention to you. her hands travel down to your waist, fingertips sliding under the thin shirt you wore. you gulp, fingers tangling in her red locks and pulling her closer.

"i have you, now." you repeat quietly, before crashing your lips on hers.

the russian immediately melts against you, a faint groan echoing from the back of her throat, the vibrations going straight to your core. she carefully lifts you up and pulls you onto her thigh, allowing your weight to rest on her. you usually didn't have make out sessions, since she was with the others most of the time, doing missions. but you wouldn't let that opportunity slide.

the tip of your tongue darts out and licks her bottom lip, a silent plea for something more. she was surprised. she didn't usually see you making the moves. her lips part fully, welcoming your tongue in her mouth, as she returns the action. her tongue mingles with yours, slowly, wanting to make the moment last, but it wasn't enough.

her hand slid up your back, pulling your chest flush against her own. you whimper as the kiss deepens, body shifting and molding perfectly with her. this was getting further than you thought it would.

Natasha broke the kiss with a small gasp, shifting your positions and carefully laying you down on the couch. her body hovered yours, and her lips trailed kisses down your face, your neck. your eyes widened — in surprise, but also in panic.

"Nat," you breathlessly whisper, weakly grabbing her shoulders to hold onto her. her lips didn't stop, only seeming to be hungrier and hungrier for you. "wait,"

"no, krasivaya, (beautiful,)" she mumbles against your skin, pulling your body even closer to her. she didn't want to stop. "just let me, please,"

you take a deep shaky breath to try and calm yourself down. you knew Natasha, and that she'd never hurt you, so this helped. you carefully took her face in your hands, and pulled her head which was tucked on your neck back. she took a great look into your eyes, and frowned. "what's up, baby?"

"nothing, it's just.." you sigh. her eyes narrow for a brief second, then, a small chuckle comes out of her mouth. damn it, she saw the soft pink creeping up your cheeks.

"are you shy?" she inquires, raising her eyebrow. you got relieved as she suddenly got off you and sat on the couch properly, pulling you onto her lap again and wrapping her arms around your waist.

"it's not that." you shake your head and look down, begining to pick on your nails.

it wasn't shyness. you just had a feeling that would lead towards sex. and not that you weren't ready, you just never had it before — other than pleasuring yourself — and Natasha didn't know that fact, until now.

"oh..." she suddenly realizes what's going on. instead of getting angry, a smile tugs on the corner of her lips again. she looks at your face for some good seconds, before wrapping her arms completely around your frame and pulling you to her chest.

that reminded her of all the times she was forced to do something she had no idea of what it was, all the times she felt scared, felt dirty, doing something she didn't want to. god, she didn't want you to feel like that. she never wanted anyone to feel like that, ever.

"are you a virgin, lyubovmoya? (my love,)" her voice sounds extremely calm and tender that it makes you a little surprised. "tell me,"

"yes, yes i am." you exhale and lean your head on her shoulder, eyes fluttering close.

"okay. do you wanna keep it like that?"

that. the question you've been most fearing. usually, if it were anybody else, you'd say no. but Natasha just made you feel so safe, so loved. you wanted to take that step further with her.

"no, i don't."

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

"just keep 'em closed,"

your soft giggle melts Natasha. her hand covers your eyes as her hand maneuvers you by your hip, inside the bedroom. she had decided to keep everything natural for you this day. no rushed things. but she couldn't be happier. you were trusting her with that.

"did you feed Liho?" you whisper as Natasha carefully places you on a specific spot on the room.

"i'm about to fuck you and you're worried about the cat?" she laughs, making you gasp. you playfully smack her shoulder.

"you!" you smile. her hand gets removed from your eyes. they immediately get dreamy at the sight in front of you.

Natasha was only in a set of lingerie. for the first time ever, you saw her. it was something she thought — in order for you to feel safe, she'd have to show you she felt safe with you herself. because deep inside, she was just another broken, insecure person.

your eyes scanned her body, trying carefully not to stare too hard, seeing the scars and marks that engraved her skin. your fingertips shyly reached for her, and she didn't stop you. in fact, her hands hovered yours as she slid them up her skin.

a quiet 'wow' leaves you, followed by a genuine smile of yours. you pull her closer, looking all doe eyed at her. "you're beautiful,"

"i wanna see you too," she looks down at you. "can i?"

"you can," you hum, raising your arms, a silent invitation for her to undress you.

Natasha's fingertips gently tug at the hem of your blouse, before pulling it over your head. you were the complete opposite of her. smooth skin, no battle scars like hers. she was quick to kneel down and tease the buttons of your jeans, wanting to see if you would stop her or not.

"please, Natasha."

she does as you ask and undo the jeans, letting them pool around you on the floor. she helps you step out of them, and hum as you're both now half naked. everything felt otherworldly romantic and.. safe. even if Natasha was trying her best not to ruin you right there, just by seeing you so soft, so.. vulnerable for her like that. she liked being in control for once.

so your eyes squeezed shut as she suddenly pressed her body against yours and pinned you back against the wall. "shh."

your breath hitches in anticipation, her fingertips slowly tracing up your spine and allowing her palm to rest above the clasps of your bra. Natasha's free hand moves up your stomach, her knee sneakingly trapping you against the wall between your legs. she tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. "let me, malyshka. (baby). i know what i'm doing, just relax."

"mhm," a little whine comes out of your throat, which makes her smile. she nods in encouragement and moves her mouth close to your ear, pressing a kiss on the spot under it.

"ya ne khochu, chtoby ty zhalel obo mne, detka, (i don't want you to regret me, baby,)" she whispers in your ear, and you have no idea of what it means. but something was right — the thin fabric of your panties felt extremely soaked right now. "so, i'll make you feel so, so good."

"please," you wrap your arms around her neck, pressing yourself closer. her skin felt better than you could have ever imagined against your own.

"i'm here." she reassures you, then carefully spins you around and lay you down on the bed. her hand that ghosted over your back undid the clasps of your bra, and tossed it somewhere else on the floor.

you're absolutely sure that it was not the cold air that made you shiver and that got your nipples hard. you gulp, breathing coming out in soft pants as Natasha's hands gently handled you, cupping your breasts as her lips pressed a trail of kisses on the valley between them. "you're gorgeous, my girl."

"you feel so good," you breathe, subconsciously leaning towards her hands. her thumb pinches your nipple as she suddenly latches on you, slowly sucking on your other breast, giving both of them the same attention. "Natasha."

the way you moaned her name, breathlessly like that coaxed a sound of her own. your fingers tangled on her hair to makeshift a ponytail, so her hair wouldn't get in the way. she released your skin with a pop and claimed your lips, kissing you like she never did before — as if trying to pour all the love she had for you in the kiss. you slowly got a handle of the whole thing. you reached up to take off her bra, and yet she didn't break the kiss. only when you got impatient, whimpering as the ache between your legs became unbearable.

"i need you," you murmur, clearing your throat, lips tingling due the intense kissing. "please, Nat. make me yours."

god, yes. she was never letting you go. not before, and certainly not now.

"i will." she says huskily. she moves, so she's straddling one of your thighs, but not putting her weight on you. "tell me to stop whenever you want to,"

her pointer finger put your panties aside and jeez, that was torturous. you didn't want that fabric there anymore. but she was teasing. but that all flew away from your thoughts when you gasped, her middle and ring finger suddenly entering your hole — thumb lazily rubbing your clitoris, all of that with one hand, her other arm resting next to your head to support her weight on the bed. you instinctively reached out to hold her arm, eyes embarrassingly rolling to the back of your head. being masturbated by someone else was so perfectly good, nothing compared to doing it alone.

"oh, my.." you coo, head falling back against the pillow as your breathing quickly got laboured.

"you like that, detka?" she asks, eyeing you down almost possessively, silently promising herself she would never allow anyone to see you like that, touch you like that ever again. she curls her fingers against your g-spot, making you nod desperately.

"yes, yes yes." you gasp once more, biting on your lip and bucking your hips up towards her hand. she could tell you were getting close, you made it obvious. "don't stop,"

"my, my princess. already gonna cum for me?" she gently teases and increases the pace, doing her best to get through your clenching walls — getting another pleasured moan from you. "that quick?"

"i can't.. can't hold it, Nat," your body suddenly shudders forward, shuddering gasps coming out of your mouth as your juices coat her fingers, as they fuck you through your orgasm. it was nothing new, yet sharing it with her was definitely something else. "fuck, fuck.."

"good job, baby." she carefully pulls your panties down and throw them aside, leaning down to kiss your forehead. "that's it. i'm so proud,"

you just laid there, feeling the whole adrenaline from the new experience, letting yourself be pampered by her kisses and praises.

"hold on," your eyes snap open as she suddenly leaves you on the bed and grab something on the closet. you could've never had imagined she had it before, nor that she'd use it with you, in you, someday. a strap on. "i'm not done with you yet."

what was supposed to make you scared, the size, just got you more excited. watching her put it on was the hottest thing you ever saw, made your heartbeat go to the moon and back. and it was already hammering since the start.

"do you want to back off from this?" she whispers, now sounding genuinely concerned. you shook your head, grabbing onto her shoulders and pulling her closer.

"no, no. i trust you." you weakly confirms and she smiles. she takes one of your legs and presses it against your stomach, knee to your chest, revealing your totally drenched cunt to her. she grabbed your hip with the other hand and positioned herself.

the first inches were just fine, but you could saw it did hurt as much as she pushed inside you. you did your best to suppress your groans, but she saw it hurt. she knew it did. "shhh.. just a little bit more."

her stomach and breasts pressed against yours and she leaned her head down close to your own, pressing her cheek against your cheek, nuzzling gently, giving you all the time you needed to adjust to the size.

you felt so.. complete. filled up, by the woman you trusted the most. your arms wrapped around her shoulders when you got ready. you were so lubricated that it didn't bleed, it was just a discomfort that was soon over. "move."

with the green light, all of Natasha's self-restraint disappeared as her hands held your hips, then she began giving you slow, tiny thrusts. to introduce you to the whole thing — which you quickly became addicted.

moans surely echoed on the room when the feeling registered. it was good. it felt amazing.

"go faster," you plea, holding her body tighter to yours as your hips tried and matched her movements.

"so eager," she hisses and quickens the pace, to a point the headboard was already hitting the wall. her strong arms hold you in place as she fucks the little remains of purity out of you. "all mine now."

the tip of the fake cock brushes deeper each time she pounds into you, as you both discover the depths of your body together, as just as this new way of coming you never experienced before.

the familiar pit in your stomach slowly built tighter and got ready to snap, and she recognized that. her hand slid between your sweaty bodies to stimulate your clit a little bit more, and you were sure you moaned a little too loudly.

"Natasha!" your nails dig into her skin, as a toe curling wave of pleasure washes over you, once again.

"that's it, dorogaya," she nods, slowing down and allowing you to savour the feeling, watching you fall apart. your cum soaked the silicone material of the strap on, and honestly, the wet sounds it made got you a little embarrassed.

you weren't aware of your surroundings anymore, only that Natasha leaned her weight on you and held you close, still inside you. she rolled over to pull you on top of her, and stroked your hair, hearing the little moans you made.

"you're so perfect for me.." she coos, carefully pulling out of you, making you hiss as the material dragged across your extra sensitive walls. "you took me so well, my girl."

"thank you..." you mumble, shifting just to bury your face in the crook of her neck.

Natasha didn't want to talk right now. and she wouldn't. she just pulled the blankets over the two of you, giving you time — to feel, to think, to recompose. she sighed, and a wide smile showed on her face. she was glad you couldn't see it, she looked so giddy, so happy and so proud. she did something right. once.

[chuulyssa]

🇨​​ 🇴 ​​🇳 ​​🇫​​ 🇪 ​​🇸​​ 🇸 ​​🇮 ​​🇴 ​​🇳​ ！

BSD MEN REACTING TO A CONFESSION.

↷ A/N ─ yes new divider again because im indecisive as heck

★ FT. ─ dazai , chuuya , ranpo , akutagawa , atsushi , fyodor

!! TAGS ─ mentions of suicide, insecurities, overall fluff

"i love you."

ᴅᴀᴢᴀɪ.

promptly replies with, "i love you too."

he'll lean into you with an amused smile because he lowkey thinks you're joking

when he realizes you're serious about it he'll immediately stop the stupid grin

and look at you with this sincere look you've never seen on his face before

he'll hold your hand and everything while repeating "i love you too," for a second time, only this time he's serious about it too

definitely asks for double suicide later

"You know it's my motto to unalive myself with a beautiful woman. How lucky of you to have been bestowed upon this honour."

"Mhm."

"I'll say yes if you join me in a double suicide," he asks with puppy eyes.

"Dazai, you already said yes."

"I'll say it again!"

​ᴄʜᴜᴜʏᴀ.

he stops abruptly and half chokes on his expensive ass wine

poor boy is really confused 😭 because "where did that come from??"

he tries to play it cool but he's literally SCREAMING inside

we all know he's been betrayed a lot of times in the past so he feels hesitant about it

will decide to give it a shot tho

100% calls dazai to brag about it

"You may be taller or whatever (as if that matters in the first place) but were you the one able to steal her heart? Eh? I think not!"

You chuckle hearing him update his rival of his new relationship status.

"And anyway," he raises a glass of wine for toast. "I'd like to thank my good looks, good looks and did I mention my good looks (?) for making tonight the happiest night ever."

ʀᴀɴᴘᴏ.

"i know."

he has always observed every single thing about you - how you behave around others vs how you behave around him, the little times you look at him like you want his attention etc etc

he's known about this since like soooo long

he defo also knew when where and how you were gonna confess

went to yosano for tips to react to it and bought you chocolates and stuff. he thinks it'll make you happy :D

eats all of that himself even tho he originally bought it for you but you let it slide because he's a cutie patootie

"You could at least have been a bit subtle about it," he says, munching on his chips. "I mean, anyone who saw you would've been able to guess. I didn't even need my ability for this!"

He lifts his chin up thoughtfully, fingers ripping open another packet of snacks. "You should be grateful I'm not a snitch. Eh, well," he shrugs, "You're now dating the greatest detective in the world! Congratulations!"

ᴀᴋᴜᴛᴀɢᴀᴡᴀ.

"eh???"

like chuuya, he's pretty confused too

"are you sure?"

tries to keep a straight face and hide his fluster

he'll narrow his eyes at you as if he's trying to read your emotions. he doesn't wanna get hurt if he gets too attached to you and you two end up breaking up

also how tf is he supposed to believe that someone like YOU like someone like HIM?

reassure him that he's perfect please :( poor baby deserves the world

"I am a lot of work. I don't think you can keep up with all of that," he says shortly.

"I'll try my best."

"You don't have to."

"But I want to!"

He stares at you for a few moments, looking like he's about to cry.

"Oh, alright then," he waves a hand around. "But don't you ever leave me."

ᴀᴛꜱᴜꜱʜɪ.

screams

"SAY IT AGAIN PLEASE!"

jumps around everywhere in happiness

you dont even get a verbal answer the man's just dancing around

either that or he just faints

he's, like akutagawa, insecure about himself. but he's much more open to showing his emotions to you.

you end up cuddling the whole night or he calls off work to be with you for the rest of the day <3

"I..." he repeats the same word for the fifth time in a row.

"Yes?"

"Don't mind me, I'm just trying to come to terms with the fact that I get to date you."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No, no!" he panics, wringing both hands all over himself hastily. "I love you! Really!"

ꜰʏᴏᴅᴏʀ.

no reaction. im sorry

spares a small glance at you but otherwise doesn't get distracted from his work

you think he's gone deaf from the way he just ignored you cuz what????

will spend like 15 minutes that way before extending an arm to you and you lowkey DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO??? HELP??

he'll stare at you for a few seconds before pulling you onto his lap and continuing with his work

and that's his way of saying yes

He shuts the computers around him down and taps your outer thigh twice. You immediately stand up and help him up. He stares at you for a few seconds, contemplating something.

"You know, I never thought I'd enable others to call me a lovesick fool."

"Does that mean you are a lovesick fool?"

"A little, maybe," he turns around and walks out of the door while you follow him with a soft smile on your face.

© chuulyssa 2024 - do not copy, plagiarize or repost my works on any platforms. do not translate.

[ironteeth-fury]

👋 👋👋

Do u give ghoap fic recommendations? If so can u give us please 🙏 (iys alr if u don’t want to ^~^)

*rubs hands together* finally my time has come, the 436 cod bookmarks i have will be useful!

right so you didn't specify anything beyond ghoap so i'm gonna throw a bunch in here with different themes and lengths and settings and stuff.

Gonna try to keep it to one work per author as well, but generally check out the other works of these authors!

I'm gonna cover WIP's that i'm following and loving, canon ghoap, still military but au in ways that might be timeline or in the sense of magic or abo or supernatural or something. Also completely AU ghoap, and I also have a couple crack fics that i just think are really good and funny.

Buckle up there's a lot

WIPS

Acceptable Loss by MildLimerence. Limerence is one of my favorite authors, definitely check out all the other works as well. Acceptable Loss is post MWIII wherein Soap gets turned into an agent for Makarov. This has made me cry and scream.

But not to yield by monsterlice and toomanybats. Definitely also check both authors out, more good shit to be found!! post military service for ghost and soap both. Demi!Simon in an abusive relationship, absolute perfect specimen who will treat you right! Soap. Pretty sure this updates weekly on wednesdays or thursdays, i forgot sorry :/

There will be no tenderness by Simcoehole. Simcoehole is where I break the rules, there will be 4 of their fics in this list and I will not apologise (really you should applaud my restraint because i could've put a lot more in here). This is canon Ghoap with Soap on medical leave, stalker!ghost, a lot of angst and pining, and Simcoehole's specialty: idiots to lovers. has only one chapter so it's the best time to get into it! Updates on mondays, I think.

Crack fics

right so a couple shorter fics that are just generally funny

miannach by simcoehole. Right. Simcoehole fic #2. This is very much Crack Premise, executed super well and quite seriously as well. Premise: Soap cuts a hole in a bar of soap (lol) and it becomes a magical portal hole to his ass. So after fucking himself with it, he decides to leave it in teh communal showers. Which is fun but overwhelming. Then Ghost gets a hold of it. (this is just a lot of porn, but it's awesome)

Save a pony, ride a ghost - Jazzybot4 and naughtypixie. Soap has Stripper Skills and it is the perfect opportunity to show them off. the rest of the 141 is stunned <3

the divine and the blessed by ghost_throat. Soap finds himself being sacrificed to a god (believe me this will be 1000x better iwthout context. Don't forget to read the sequel)

Talk Too Much by achievement_huntresss. '22 ghoap who are in denial about their feelings run into '09 ghoap who, while not fucking (anymore) immediatly clock that the idiots are head over heels for each other, and decide to do something about it.

Russian Roulette by Red_Clegane. Just. Soap being a badass completely casual, as you-please. Love the attitude

Canon Ghoap

Up In Arms by eclecticscribbles. Ghost introduces Soap to BDSM so they can infiltrate a fancy exclusive bdsm club to find their target.

Any Time You Need Me by thirteenbullets. right so this is technically an entire series that i've linked, but, they all fall under what im gonna tell you: non-sexual intimacy, physical touch, a bit of angst and a lot of comfort. This entire series feels like curling up with a blanket on the couch in front of the fireplace with a mug of hot cocoa. it's comfy. (also has one of my favorite sentences ever that will live rent-free in my brain forever. He drew the ducks <3)

Seasons by StinglessWasp. the writing is breathtaking, it's a beautiful look at soap, ghost and their relationship and how they change over the course of four seasons.

What Has One Good Leg and Bleeds? by YmeMadarame. Soap gets his leg injured and betrayed and falsly confirmed KIA in the depths of hostile territory. He tries to make it back home. A classic case of it gets worse before it gets better.

Mission Briefs by BleedingTypewriter. What if ghost and soap hooked up before they met for the mission in al mazrah? Written as missing scenes between game cutscenes and missions. Beautiful, funny and sexy!

sometimes words have two meanings by Bluejay141519. beautiful take on the "the team accidentally massively hurts soaps feelings and trigger his inferiority complex" featuring a lot of hurt!soap.

its just a shot away by Bluejay141519. so another breaking of the rules by adding a second fic from bluejay, but both these fics are special to me. This is soap on a mission that went beyond FUBAR, trying to survive long enough for the 141 to come get him, and has been going on stims for almost 4 days. Soap reacts real bad to stims once he comes off of it. This is beautifully written and grabs me every time, and somehow manages to be one of the funniest things i've ever read while the tone of the fic overall is very serious and angsty.

Take a Breath by TAFKAmayle. Longg before the 141 started, we get Sergeant Simon Lamont (who will later be Lieutenant Simon "ghost" Riley) in charge of training the platoon of Corporal John "soap" MacTavish. There is tension. (turns out, it's sexual tension. who'da thunk it?) Includes them meeting again in game canon. (love this, its hilarious and i love it as a peek into Simon's mind)

can't keep johnny down by Wheezing_Joe. Soap loses comms on a mission. The 141 have to leave him behind. Soap makes his own way back to base. Turns out they missed him.

Bad Habits by NebulaGazer. I think this is the first real long fic that I'm linking, at 140k words. It's a mission fic of ghoap getting together. Soap gets thrown out of a couple of windows. It's great!

I Woke Up Underground by WispScribbles. this is a fun one!! we get wump, angst, buried alive trope, more wump, dad!price, and a lot of Feelings. (also definitely comfort at the end no worries)

Bait and Switch by Starlight_VLD. Another Soap gets turned into Makarov's assassin fic, this time with body doubles!! it's beautiful, it's sad, it's comforting, it's 141 as a family.

Oh, Brother by MeowMeowRiley. Ghost's family lives, and through some work civililan connections, both get roped into helping Soap's sibling move, unbeknownst to each other.

This is Ghost and Soap as Simon and John, seen through the eyes of their siblings, who do wonder 'why the hell are they not fucking yet?'

Military Ghoap AU's

faege by Simcoehole. #3 Simcoehole fic!! Soulmate AU following the MWIII storyline. Ghost and Soap wake up tied together by a red string of fate, declaring them soulmates. Both of them decide that, no, fate must have made a mistake, just because I'm hopelessly in love with him. He doesn't feel the same. I don't want to ruin our friendship. Let's see how we can get rid of this because he deserves better than being stuck with me for the rest of his life. (yep.) A lot of pining, angst, Idiots to Lovers (altho the idiots never really goes away with how fucking bad it is lmao). This is beautiful and it will make you yell at your screen and want to throw things but the worst part is that even though they're being big stupid idiots, when you're in their head you GET IT, you might not agree but you understand why they're comign to the conclusions they are (mostly). It's infuriating in the best way.

The devil has my throat by Simcoehole. Hi, last but certainly not least (with over 400k words) we have the devil has my throat. THIS FIC is what got me into the author, and what got me into the community. This fic is the start of my tumblr account. So, yeah.

Vampire!Ghost and Previously-Traumatised-By-Vampires!Soap. Who has, obviously, not processed said trauma at all, but is also immediatly horny as fuck for ghost. Features: being idiots, a lot of kinky vampire sex (so blood and biting and also some fun surprises you'll love later) a supernatural plot, price who doesn't get told even 10% of what's going on, and my Favorite OC Of All Time Ever.

Thrown for a Loop by enter_fand0m_reference00. Time Loop Alone Mission!!!! need I say more?? no, no i don't. (check out the rest of the series for more time loop shenanigans)

Results May Vary by HigherMagic. HigherMagic is one of my favorite authors so definitely check out all the other works as well, but this is the one I picked out to go on this list. It's wolf shifter soap deciding to woo the shit out of dragon ghost. (with a lot of lore!!! we love lore!!!)

Wont you lay your hands on me by Kensington. ABO but make it make sense! Alpha Ghost, Omega Soap, courting, world-building, trauma processing. absolutely one of my favorite abo fics ever (it's #2)

Yes to Heaven by Apollos_Last_Prophet. Okay but what if Soap was "killed" and taken and been made into Makarov's assassin before the 141 is even a thing?? You get this. The Ghoap is absolutely gorgeous in here.

My heart in your hands keeps going on by FetteEule. Former Military Soap! Neighbours Soap and Ghost! Ghost being forced on leave and fucking hating it, and soap changing his mind on it <3 (also of course price knows soap too)

Collecting Strays by WhisperedWords12. Check out the author again, there are more!! Werewolf soap gets rescued from a werewolf fighting ring and, being military, gets kept by Price and the 141. Ghost does not trust Soap at all.

No Rest for the Wicked by WispScribbles. Retired Ghoap are called back in when Price goes MIA. Mission fic. Feelings. Established Ghoap (theyre marrieddd)

hell hath no fury by sunshowers_and_dandelion_wine. Dragon shifter Soap!! Who accumalates the 141 as his hoard and is super protective and possessive, while trying to keep his being a dragon a secret!

Varium Lupus Division by North927. Sort-of military, sort of not? Post 141, Simon sets up his own division where they rescue and rehabilitate shifters/hybrids. Soap is the latest rescue.

Take Me On by Monsterlice. this is the #1 abo fic. It's got traumatised omega!Ghost who does Not Trust Anyone who goes into heat, has put it off long enough that it might kill him if he doesn't get handled by an alpha. Surprise, Gaz and Price, the only alphas (people, really) he trusts in the world are not here!! and won't be back in time. So, Laswell calls in Alpha!Soap (who will start at the 141 in like, a couple weeks) Features Consent!King!Soap who is absolutely enamoured by this huge feral omega who will fucking kill him if he steps a toe out of line. I fucking love soap in this soooo much.

a patron saint for butchers, fools and living fire by ForgottenFrog. I dunno, don't really want to spoil it by telling too much about it. This is one of the fics that settled into my bones and refused to leave.

(are you tired yet, cuz we've got some more to go)

AU's!

Dark Eyes Meet Under The Sky by Aessedia. (gonna have another one of Aessedia because i could NOT for the life of me choose) University professor Ghost. Grad student Soap. Soap needs a reccomendation for ghost who is known for being grumpy and hating his students. Also, Soap begins talking to a Dom on a kink-related dating website. Wonder who that is.

The Aerialist by Aessedia. LIsten okay Aessedia is just fucking amazing and go check /all of it/ out, because these two are my favorites but all the others are super good as well. Also, happy birthday to The Aerialist!! Aerialistic Acrobats Soap and Ghost who starts as rivals but then suddenly have to work together. Beyond overcoming their rivalry, there is also seemingly someone out to kill or at least ruin the 141 acrobats.

Why Did The Cowboy Take Hay To Bed? by LawfulSlab. Definitely check out all the other works as well they're beautiful. Historical au. Omega Soap and Alpha Ghost are the only two survivors of a convoy ambush. They seek shelter and have to pretend to be married to save Soap's virtue (unmarried omega out all alone, gasp!!) and then they fall in love. It's domestic as shit, and beautiful and the convoy was definitely a plot device to get them here and not something that will come back later as more plot, nahh.

Head of Department by Goblin_Pudding. Professors AU! Rival professors who hate each other, Price forces them to work together and /shit fuck we're in love now/. Including the past coming back to haunt you and Feelings <3. Romcom!!

Yellow Card by eddie_dxaz and skerryB. Football players AU! of course our boys start out having a massive rivalry and then Soap comes on the team and they have to play nice. Featuring homophobia of the world of sports, shitty exes coming back to create chaos, alive Riley family (except Simon's dad).

a pirate's life, aye? by victorianankles. firstly, pirate AU is one of my favorites. WE need more pirate au. Just gonna quote my bookmark of this one:

Soap's voice is the perfect mix of melodramatic, sad, hilarious and that somehow humble cockiness that's all Soap. I laughed so fucking much reading this and everyone should read this too, it's beautiful and I love it and I'm gonna cherish this fic forever

for those who need more convincing; one of the epilogues has soap in lingerie that's made of fancy chains and shiny gems. (i might or might not absolutely need art for this fucking hell)

Spoils of War by WhisperedWords12. RIGHT losers of a war get kept as war prisoners until the losing party signs officially that they've lost or something. They get used as sex slaves by the winning party. This is considered normal by everyone involved, as long as you treat your (temporary) slaves well. Soap gets captured and falls under Ghost's care. They are both not prepared for how much they like the other. (a tag from the fic: Enemies to Something They'd Rather Not Talk About. Which I think is quite fitting.) I love the dynamic in this, it's gorgeous.

RIGHT so that's it. For now. I mean i'd assume it's enough for the forseeable future.

Again, like i said i have more than 400 bookmarks so if you want more reccs, reach out, tell me what you like and I'll dig through my bookmarks and brain to see what i can find <3

Also people dont forget to leave kudos and a comment on the fics. If you dont know what to comment, give 'em this one from me:

✨️✨️💕🫧❤️💀💕✨️✨️

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Pent Up 3

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, virginity loss, age gap, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: you seek validation through online correspondence with incarcerated men, only for one to lock you down in turn.

Characters: convict/excon!Thor (silverfox)

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

"I just need to work on this. About an hour before it's ready," Jensen closes up the laptop and tucks it under his arm. You lurch up. 

"Why don't you stay out here?" You ask. 

"You're fine. I gotta find the accessories," he insists. "Uh, thanks, Thor. You can come back in a bit. It'll be waiting." 

"Certainly," the large blond agrees. "I might browse a while. Oh, and I saw a cafe across the way." 

"It's not too bad. She loves it," Jensen points at you with his thumb. "Anyway, better get to it." 

He slinks away and you turn back to your computer. What a bum. Leaving you alone with a giant. 

You flutter your fingers over your keyboard and pretend to be focused. How can you with him standing right there? The tension is enough to peel your skin off. 

"My diamond in the rough," he purrs, "I've looked all over for you." 

You blink and hesitate. You still your hands and peek up at him. "Are you talking to me?" 

He chuckles, "of course, I am, my queen." 

"Um, do... I know you?" 

His smile lines deepen and he angles his chin coyly, "you are rather cute, but I've waited far too long for games." 

You shiver, "I don't know what you mean." You gulp, your throat locking up. 

"sparklingdiamond@gmail," he says. "That's you." 

You shake your head, "that's a cute email but it's not mine." His smile falls and he steps closer, his large hands on the edge of the counter. You shrink down on the stool. You shrug. "Sounds like maybe you got catfished. That's... not cool. And they used my name? Weird." 

He exhales and leans in slowly, "Queens don't lie." 

You give a sheepish smile, "huh?" 

His eyes set and his jaw squares, "you blocked me." 

"I said that wasn't me--" 

"Cease your lying. It is not true," he sneers. "My queen, I forgive you. I do. I know, it is scary. Our love is so strong and you are young. It is much to balance but together, we will figure it out." 

You crumble. You're not good at lying. Not in real life. Only online. And that's what you did. You didn't mean any of the things you said to him. You said them to half a dozen other guys. Yet, you can't say that to his face. Look at him. 

Your eyes water and your lip trembles. You don't know what to do. You can't breathe or think. 

"My queen, please, do not cry," he reaches for you and you squeal. He grabs your shoulders and hushes you, "please, I cannot bear the sight of your tears." 

"Thor," you babble, "please. I can't--" 

"Why not?" He cooes, "do you not love me?" 

He squeezes and your tears evaporate. He's so strong and big and... a criminal. Oh god. 

"I'm not ready. I'm too young. Like you said. I... I... I'm living at my parents. Didn't I say? They'd never approve so we can't be together." 

"You will leave. Come with me and I will find you the perfect castle. My queen..." 

You shiver and pout, "no, Thor, I can't do that." 

"Why not? This is what you always wanted. You wrote it in your emails." 

His desperation roils from his grizzly timbre. Your chest racks and your nerves stir. You open and close your mouth dumbly. 

"Well, um, you..." you force out your breath. "You would have to wait. Um, right. Wait for me. A little longer?" 

He stares at you. His eyes are a gentle shade of blue, much softer than the rest of him. His hair is mostly down, with some of the front drawn back into a thick braid, the silver shanks shining between the gold. He has much more gray than even your stepdad. 

"Wait?" He rubs his thumbs against your shoulders. He might lift you right over the counter if he wished too. "I hate to do more of that, but for you, I would do anything." 

You swallow and let out a willowy breath. You move stiffly and brush your hands down his forearms. You ease his grip from your shoulders. 

"I'm working though so you can't touch me," you let him go. He nods and his mouth turns down to a mope. 

"Forgive me. I would not think to spoil it," he wrings his large hands. "But now I will have my own computer and we can talk. Though, we will be together in the flesh and mightn't need it so much." 

You nod, choked speechless by his insinuation. 

"When are you done, my queen?" He spreads one hand over his stomach and hooks his other thumb in the loop of his jeans. 

"In two hours," you answer. 

"Two hours. My new device will be ready by then. I will return and you will come to the coffee shop across the street. I would like to buy you your favourite treat," he grins. "A cinnamon bun." 

You fight to keep from babbling. Why did you send him that picture? Why did you call him? This is all a mess and worse, you made it! 

The world dissolves around you. Your ears ring and your mouth turns pasty. You cough and hide your shaking hands. 

"Sure," you croak. "But I should keep working." 

"Yes, my queen," he booms. "I shall wait on your grace." 

He blows you a kiss and your eyes zero back to reality. You sway on the stool and watch him stroll out, whistling with a bounce in his step. You stare after him, your brain fuzzy as if you've been slapped across the face. 

💗

"How about you go ahead, Jensen? I'll lock up today," you offer as you close up your laptop. 

"You sure?" 

"Why not? Maybe if you get started early, you won't be up all night with your Playstation," you kid, though you struggle to summon a laugh. 

“You might be right,” he grumbles.  

You try not to fidget as he packs up. You check the windows for any sign of Thor. You really don’t know how to explain leaving with him, so it’s better there are no witnesses. 

“Alright, see ya,” Jensen hikes up his knapsack, most of it covered in various pins and patches; from Pokemon to Halo. 

“Yep, see ya,” you rock on the stool impatiently. 

When he’s gone, you exhale deeply but find no relief. You close your laptop and slip it into your bag. There’s no point trying. You can’t concentrate. 

Instead, you go through the closing list. At least that way, you’re moving around. Just as you lock the till, the door opens. Thor’s voice rolls like thunder across the shop. 

“My queen,” he booms hopefully.  

You smile at him sheepishly. It’s strange, for as big and terrifying as he is, there’s something very puppy dog about him. It’s horrifyingly deceiving. 

“Almost done,” you assure him as you turn and grab the zip up laptop case with the short handles. “Here’s your computer.” 

You bring it to the counter as he approaches. You slide it over and he narrows his eyes, “did you forget... our date?” 

“No, just, don’t want you to forget it,” you assure him. “I’ll grab my things.” 

You put your bag up on the counter and take the keys off the hook under the till. Thor grabs your things before you can retrieve them. He beams as you melt beneath his constant gaze. 

“A king never lets his queen carry such a burden,” he assures, both bags in his hand. 

“Right, I need to the alarm and lock the door,” you explain. 

“Ah, yes, I should not like to be caught with a tripped alarm,” he chuckles. 

He holds the door for you from the outside. You quickly key in the cod and step onto the pavement. He shuts it and your lock up. You tuck the keys into your crossbody purse. You look at the front of his flannel but can’t make the climb up to his face. 

“Let us go enjoy our treats,” he offers his arm. 

You gulp and reluctantly slip your hand into the crook of his elbow. He takes you toward the curb and check the traffic. He guides you across. A man like him doesn’t need all his strength, just the sight of him is enough to bend you to his will. 

Your pulse races and thrums through your skull. There is no escape but your heart keeps clutching with hope. All you can do is hope that he doesn’t hurt you. No, you can make sure he doesn’t. By playing along. 

You enter the cafe. It feels like everyone is staring at you but that’s just paranoia buzzing in your ears. No one cares. Even if they did notice the much older, much bigger man and the terrified looking girl with too many curves. There’s all sorts in this world. 

“Let me serve you, my queen,” he guides you to a table first, “you will sit and ease yourself after a long day.” 

Aimless, you sit. You turn and clasp your hands over the table, staring at the wood. You sniff, “thank you.” 

“Anything you please,” he bends and kisses your head. You quiver. “Now, what should you like with your bun?” 

“Erm.... just...” you blink and shrug. You can’t handle any caffeine. You’re already jittering. “The, uh, blackberry cream.” 

“Hm, sounds rather intriguing, you shall have it,” he proclaims. 

He strides away and you shudder. You turn your face out the window. Your purse vibrates. You blindly unzip it and slide out your phone. You cradle it but don’t check the message. 

Heck. What did you do? Why couldn’t you just seek validation through fanfiction or fantasy shows? Why did you have to do something so friggin real? 

Panic swelters over you and has you squirming. You set your phone down and twiddle your fingers over the screen. You take a sharp breath and blow it out slow. 

“My queen,” Thor appears. He places a plate before you with a gooey bun and a cup with a purplish concoction. You smile and mouth a thank you. Your voice is gone. “A moment.” 

He holds up his finger and flees again. Not for long as he returns with his own bun and a small espresso cup, made smaller by his sheer size. You make yourself sit straight as you feel yourself growing faint. 

“Apologies, I do hate to keep you waiting,” he sits, dwarfing the chair beneath him. You didn’t know they made men in that size. 

You shake your head, “it’s... alright.” 

“You are so gracious, my queen,” he praises. “Please, enjoy.” 

You look down at the bun. You slide your phone away and pinch the outer ring of the bun. You peel it away, the smell of cinnamon turning bitter in your nose. You bite into it and nearly gag. The sweetness is soured by your reality. 

“Good,” you cover your mouth as you chew. 

“Delicious,” he purrs then leans in, “though I dare say not so delicious as you.” 

Your eyes widen and meet his. He smirks and his cheeks tinge red above his beard.

“Forgive me. I was locked away so long and only thoughts of my beloved saved me.” He leans back and licks icing off his knuckle, holding your gaze. You can’t decide if he’s just messy or something else. “And now I have a reason to stay out.” 

“Right...” you grab your drink to drown your whimper. Your brain is in overdrive yet it’s glitching. You can barely think. 

The phone vibrates and his eyes flick down. You follow his attention to your phone. ‘Missed messages; Andy’. Shoot. 

Thor huffs and shifts, “Andy...” he drawls. “Another man?” 

You flinch and shake your head, realising his suspicion. You wipe your fingers on a napkin, “my stepdad. That’s all.” 

“Yes, I... yes, it makes sense,” he accepts crisply. “For you told me you never... had another.” 

“I said that,” you squeak. “Yeah, uh, well, I haven’t so...” 

You tremble and stuff more bun into your mouth to keep from falling apart. He looks at you again and smiles, his face lining with the years between you. He leans in once more, “but I can be gentle, my queen. And Patient. As I have been.” 

[aarlone]

In no particular order, these are some of my top audio dramas that kept me company during 2024.

1 Breathing Space: This is one of my favorite flavors of sci-fi. It is a series I have been savoring, and I do intend to relisten through at some point - because I listen to podcasts while working, it's easy for me to miss things. I haven't finished the whole series, but Breathing Space is definitely worth coming back to.

2 Monstrous Agonies: Monstrous Agonies was one of the few podcasts I didn't only listen to while on the clock. It is the perfect length for me to put on two episodes while chopping veggies for dinner, and an absolute delight every time.

3 InCo: Another podcast that shone, despite my inability to pick up on all the cool things going on. Another one I look forward to returning to.

4 StarTripper!!: Just thinking about StarTripper!! makes me smile. It is utterly charming.

5 Gastronaut: Incredible premise, executed beautifully. I'll be thinking about this one for a long time.

6 Paired: Paired is a longtime favorite of mine, and was one of a handful of relistens I did this year. I love Pairy. I hope she got to set a deer on fire.

7 Travelling Light: How much do I love Travelling Light? Every morning, I update my podcatcher and decide what to listen to based on that morning update. Travelling Light is the only one that gets downloaded as soon as I see an announcement that it's out. It's the only one that gets bumped to the next pod in the queue when listening.

8 The Green Horizon: Please I need to know where I can find more Irish-made audio dramas, this show fills the Motherfocloir-shaped hole in my life and I'm going to be finished with it soon.

9 Birds Of Empire: This show deserves better than for me to listen to while I'm at work. It's outstanding on several levels.

10 Metropolis: The first few episodes of Metropolis have set a high bar for this series. It is starting off strong, and I'm quite glad to be along for the ride.

11 October Jones & Fish With Legs: I've said this before, but OJ&FWL will fundamentally alter the way you say "mimosa" and that is just the beginning of this show's delights.

12 World Gone Wrong: The dialogue, both in terms of the writing and its performance, is so goddamn fluid and natural, if it weren't for the subject matter, I could have been convinced that this is a nonfiction chat pod between two besties.

[bisexualbrainrots]

update!!! it's been a little while but I've been dealing with the worst writer's block when it came to this story, I'm happy I finally feel like I'm making some progress. so, here you go.

if you want to read: part 1, part 2, wip part 3, part 4.

Buck gets his hands all over Tommy, grabbing and caressing the soft and hard areas of his body.

He's obsessed with touching as much as he can, being used to doing it with any partner he's had. He would often be compared to an octopus, his limbs sprawled across different bodies and looking for that feeling of closeness, even in strangers. Some took issue with it, clearly bothered by how clingy he could get; others didn't mind at all. The worst of it was when he would get made fun for it, like when a girl would giggle because he wanted to cuddle for longer.

Well sue him for enjoying some physical touch.

He thinks it probably surprised Tommy the first time, when they held hands at that café for so long they ended up getting clammy, and Buck still didn’t try to separate them. It was just when the sweat and the heat became too much that Buck finally let go, a little disappointed at the way his hand betrayed him. And Tommy had looked at him almost amused at how Buck wanted (more like needed) to touch for as long as he could.

Tommy never took an issue with it, and if he did he would say so, and Buck would understand. Buck would always understand.

But right now, he isn’t exactly bothered by any of it. Not at all.

As their tongues dance in a syrupy, languid kiss and as Buck's hands hold onto Tommy's back and shoulders, his boyfriend's are busy roaming around his thighs, lifting them and letting him hook the rest of his legs on his hips. Their bodies are flushed together and Buck groans at the feeling of Tommy's body on top of his, it’s a weight that grounds him like a weighted blanket. 

A much sexier, unpredictable weighted blanket.

Tommy's hips grind slowly, a roll that elicits a moan out of Buck and jerks his body towards the older. Buck is feeling desperate, one of his hands is holding a handful of Tommy’s ass and the other is gripping his hair, doing everything in his power just to grab and pull him closer.

“Tommy,” he breathes when the man gets his mouth on his jaw, a trail of kisses descending towards his neck that makes Buck writher.

Tommy’s touch makes him feel like he’s on fire sometimes. He knows if he were to look at himself he’d see the pink blush that covers his face and chest, the same one that has him feeling like he’s got a fever so high it’d make him hallucinate. That it’d make him believe none of this is real and that one day he’ll wake up and find out this awesome, hot guy never existed. He’s glad that feeling isn’t real, and that the fire is only proof enough of the tangible existence of Tommy Kinard.

Their bodies rock like a boat before a storm, slow and relaxed up until the moment Buck’s hand slips underneath Tommy’s briefs and he kneads his ass like dough, and that sets up the storm. Buck moans at the feeling of his boyfriend’s mouth on him, sucking and biting at his neck and collarbones in a way he knows will get him looks at work next shift. And yet he couldn’t give a damn, not when he had released the perfect storm on Tommy. His other hand, buried in the depths of Tommy’s hair, tugs in at the roots causing him to bite, strong enough to make Buck whine but playful enough to make the grinding of their hips more delicious.

He begins to feel delirious the longer it goes, the need to get the ultimate feel of skin-to-skin overpowering him enough to start pulling Tommy’s underwear down. His boyfriend chuckles on his collarbones and looks up at him, a sparkle in his eyes that Buck wishes it meant even a fraction of what he’s feeling for him at that instant.

“Evan… What do you want?” It's that soft, tender tone in his voice that totally contrasts with the way he was laying marks on him barely a minute ago that gets him to whine.

“I’m just trying to… Fuck, Tommy I need to touch you, like I could actually die if I don’t touch you right this second.”

“I don’t think a person can die from that, though.”

Buck gives him a look he hasn’t gotten the opportunity to use a lot. The one where his eyebrows pull in a frown and his lower lip shows up through a pout. The few times he’s used it have proven success to turn Tommy’s bitchiness into… something. He still can’t quite pinpoint what it is, but it makes him more caring, more firm, more protective.

Tommy rolls his eyes and kisses the pout away, and lifts his hips slightly, “Go ahead. Take them off.”

tag list! (tell me if you want to be added/removed)

@likeapaperplane @fenrirscarsback @sad-girl-hours23 @station18908 @all-the-feelss @rubydaiquiri @superlock-in-the-tardis @theredrenard @moonydanny @sweaters-and-silly @cinderellarhea

[that-smallinjured-bowylamb]

Hello (⁠つ⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)⁠つ(⁠つ⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)⁠つ

I would like to request something but first....

HOW IS YOUR WRITING SO WHOLESOME?????? Ehem.... I was actually giggling at school people were staring at me your writing tastes like sour gummies ( I VERY much like sour gummies ) btw very tasty

there's literally a bite mark on my phone!!!!!!/j

For my request feel free to decline if you don't feel like it !! I get that writing can get exhausting too so don't forget to take breaks too !!! <3

I was wondering if you can make housewardens ( separate please ) with a ballerina reader ( the industry is pretty bad I'm pretty sure ) so she basically has trouble eating and taking care of herself and such

-sincerely Garnet<3

A/n: AWWWW THANK YOUUU I LOVE SOUR GUMMIES TOO [But momma slaps it outta my hand Mrs. Rosehearts style :(] AND I LUV BALLERINAS, SRRY IF THIS WAS KEPT IN THE DRAFTS I HAVE SM WORK TO DO (Worst part, on Monday 19th of May, I'm going to enroll into the new school soon, so I'm going to update my rules with limits!) BUT HERE'S UR ORDER (* ´ ▽ ` *) @gracegarnet !!! I hope you enjoy! P.S THANKYOU FOR CALLING MY WORKS WHOLESOMMEEEE (But, in the upcoming future it might take a darker turn and I'm kind of like a mix! Still, thank you for the compliment!!!)

🪽Graceful figure to that of a doll, but he's willing to help you heal your broken parts🪽

Characters: Riddle Rosehearts, Leona Kingscholar, Azul Ashengrotto, Kalim Al-Asim, Vil Scheonheit, Idia Shroud, Malleus Draconia

Gender neutral, use of 'you'.

Genre: Comfort for Ballet!reader :>, Romantic or Platonic is up to you!

Warning ⚠️: OOC(?), not confirmed if reader is yuu, but it is confirmed they are in Ramshackle's often, but they are from another world, Idk what I'm doing with my life, ballet is so pretty but painful, flinching, trauma responses, signs of trauma [in the industry :( ], personal hcs, but idk if our world is much crueler than theirs (and it is), but then we heal bc I can 😋

Summary: You were a Ballerina, a graceful, lovely, delicate, beautiful figure on stage. But, in practice? You were tormenting yourself for perfection, every movement, every muscle, every fiber of your being is examined and bent to be 'fixed'. No compliments, no praises, no breaks, no nothing in any of that sort. You were fed less, you were struggling to keep up with the routine given to you due to your weak state. This kept going on, over and over and over again. One day, some merciful spirit perhaps, took pity on your dismantled body, crumpled down like a thrown doll, maybe to show you some mercy, it had sent you to another world. And yet, despite being in another world, you still had done the same routine, heart hallowed out, repeating the same routine over and over again, like a figure in a music box. But, enough of that, he wants to help you.

Riddle Rosehearts

•At first, when Riddle found out that you did ballet, he saw you dance in the courtyard. He had never seen you dance before, and it was quite a pleasant surprise seeing you doing ballet. That is, until he saw you struggle taking care of yourself is when he noticed the smaller details.

•Often you'd flinch when someone raises their voice at you, or when you take their criticism and insult at heart, trying to 'change' something, or when you silently look at your posture and criticize it, you don't need to speak about it, he already took notice.

•And he's not going to allow that. Nuh-uh>:( *Some comically red hedgehog as Riddle stomping towards you with the intent to help you.* but seriously, he gets the feeling. The need to be perfect, the struggles, the pain, he may not have taken ballet as you, but he knows how some of the industries could be terrible. He just didn't know your industry was just as bad. Breaking every muscle, every fiber tissue, and bones. It sounded painful, yet you went through it. But, he doesn't want you to continue, not anymore.

•"You don't need to be perfect anymore, you can rest. I get this feeling... the need to be perfect and all, but I've already realized I wasn't alone, and... you...deserve it. If you'd like to, we can have some sweets from Trey's whenever you come by to visit our tea parties, or unbirthday parties... No, you don't need to practice like that anymore, please stop..." Man's understands that ballet is your life, but if you want to continue doing ballet, then you're GOING to be healthy while doing ballet.

•Hey, it balances out nutrition, and look! He even sternly scolds you if he catches you looking at yourself with a vague expression of disappointment, compliments you more, praises you, and most of all, gave you needed rest.

•He cares about you, so don't leave him by breaking yourself into pieces, he doesn't want you hurt. Not now, not ever, so he'll help you be proud of yourself. Oh, no he's not blushing because he's flustered, thank you!

Leona Kingscholar

•Leona was just napping, he didn't know you did ballet (of course, he didn't⁉️) the only thought that crossed his mind was how skinny you were, how you ate less, never taking breaks for some reason, and how you take the criticism from others.

•Now who tf hurt you? Now imagine, if you were a girl (most ballerinas r girls right 🤔 srry late night braincells do NOT function properly), do you know how enraged this mf will be if you were ever mistreated? Yes, that's how much he cares, he doesn't know when it happened, but it did. No, he is not going to admit that, herbivore. Don't ask on why he's giving more food on your plate, "You look like a walking stick, you should eat plenty." "Prey is much more valuable when there is more nutrients in them." Okay, Leona we get it. You care 😒. No, Leona your not going to kill someone like your hired for it.

•But he does subtly remark about your ballet skills, and one time found yourself not criticizing the posture for once. He one time bought you [your favorite dish] just so you could shut up about your 'criticism' that sounded borderline self-bullying. (Guys, he's an anti-bully, trust me 🙏) he won't allow you to drown in a quicksand of your self-deprecation, alright? You better not make yourself a walking skeleton.

•"Tch, since when did I care? I don't need to look out for you, who do you think I am? A babysitter? A guard? Heh, as if." *proceeds to beat the shit out of anyone that insulted you, but not when your looking.*

•Yeah, no one even wanted to mess with you despite you being either outnumbered or alone. Cause' there will always be a sleeping lion, somewhere in the area. No, he did not move locations to conveniently sleep in the same area as you are. Don't ask.

Azul Ashengrotto

•When he saw you do ballet for the first time, he thought he could get profit out of this, but when he learned you were not taking care of yourself because of doing so much ballet? Nah, he had to do something about it.

•Yes, it was very suspicious when he kept bringing you food from the Monstro Lounge, Oh, whatever could you mean, [Name]? He's just trying to be a good friend to you, he also wants to hear about more of your ballet lessons! See? Nothing suspicious here! *Looks at the tweels secretly planning something* No, there isn't anything going on back there, don't mind them! They're....just.. uh... nevermind.

•But on a serious note, he gets it. The harsh words disguised as criticism, eating less, difficulty taking care of yourself to maintain the expected weight, the harsh reality... yeah, he does not want you to go through the horrible experience. Sure, if you want to be a ballerina you can, just... do it in healthier circumstances will you?

•"Ah, uhm, why am I giving you food, you may ask? Uh!- uhm, well! It's just to... test out our newest dishes! We need your opinion on each one of them and give us feedback about which could serve as the main dishes. Nothing out of the ordinary." He says, and then sneaks in a few more just for you to eat healthy. No, he's not going to trap you into a contract with him, but yes, genuinely wants to help you.

•After hearing about your industry he couldn't help but feel pity for those who practice there. It must've hurt, yet they still went through with it. Why, land dwellers are so strange and too cruel to themselves and others? He can't help but see a little reflection of himself except the ballet parts.

•Whatever you had experienced in the past, will stop here. And, he feels kinda guilty for overblotting and putting into so much stress than necessary. He guesses that was immature, but what else could he do?

•Nonetheless, you've helped him, he'll do the same for you. If that's what it takes.

•He felt indebted to you and he's not going to allow anyone to harm you again.

Kalim Al-Asim

•Okay when he first saw you doing ballet he was like, "THATS SO COOL??? CAN I DO THAT TOO??? :D" but then discovering your industry's treatment towards you was like, "Oh... :("

•He does not want to unintentionally hurt his loved ones again, so what does he do?

•He compliments you on your efforts, and praises you for your success, lets you eat more bc he insists it is healthy for you, and tries to make you rest as much as possible, even bringing you gifts as a reward, and showing you his own dance moves as well! See? Not everything in dancing has gotta be for precision, just have fun expressing yourself!

•He's trying so hard to help you, he hopes you noticed that. He is actually really concerned about your health and wants to help you be more healthy, he doesn't want you starving on stage! Jamil even had to visit you to eat the 'leftovers' he had for Kalim but he couldn't finish it all! (Liar)

•You don't need to cry over validation and perfection, you know? You could just be happy with what you want! If you wanna express yourself through ballet, you can! Just, don't hurt yourself for the sake of it... he'll be very worried about you!

•He's really glad you got out of that horrible place, and wishes you wouldn't suffer like that again, here, a hug for you! You deserve it! Oh, and applauds for your awards too! You really need it. And you did, you needed to hear those so much. And he gave it.

•Is your supporter, so is Jamil but he's busy and won't admit to it, he'll tell you "great job" after passing by you, he knows it's clear enough for you to hear it, and so does Kalim! He LOVEESS your performance! You should teach him sometimes!

•Yes, and he'll make sure no one is going to hurt you as well, he'll be sure of it. Just send Jamil to do it, he won't mind!

Vil Scheonheit

•Vil knows that look. Whenever you practice ballet, there is always a lingering criticism in your eyes, like how your teacher would look at you before breaking your bones to 'fix' your posture, he knows the feeling, the need of perfection. Reaching for something that can not be reached. No matter the effort. So, he wanted to help you become better, not for your posture and lessons, but for you.

•Hearing about your industry is no surprise to Scheonheit, he knows these types of industries are only after for something that isn't possible and completely risky to the human body. He helps you by feeding you a little more, but he also criticize you for something whenever you do wrong, oh, but he'll be the one to apologize in case if it came out too harshly than want he wanted it to be. You should care for yourself, [Name]. Don't hurt yourself in the name of perfection.

•He's helping, he really is. But of course, you can't expect him to leave his honest filter at home, but he tries. And, whenever you do something right? He praises you, complimenting you, saying things your teacher would never say.

•Ngl, idk how to write this guy. But he likes taking you out to shop with him, buying new clothes for you to wear, poses, and whatever he does to a whim. But, he won't be too whimsy. He's just doing what's best for you. And would shut anyone if they think they could insult you without getting away with it.

•"You should better yourself, not for them, or me, but for you. You shouldn't live under people's opinions just because you think their words are of value. They aren't. And it shouldn't imply to your lifestyle."

•And actually? It's pretty nice. Your healthier, yet your still capable of being flexible, so you could still do ballet without a problem.

•He's really supportive of your career in case you don't want to change, it depends.

•Yeah, maybe being sent to another world isn't so bad, after all the things he does to keep you healthy and thriving.

Idia Shroud

•Man's tbh he doesn't know. He thinks your cool with doing ballet but that's it. Dude has no thoughts other than that. But maybe, if there was a chance, you'd be binding with him over games or a manga, maybe the both of you have something in common I don't know what.

•Just imagine his silence when he notices the signs from you. Difficulty eating, small portions of food, bruised legs and arms and holy shit your entire body- and that empty and criticizing look in your eyes?

•He might have an inkling of what kind of industry you might've been in since it's quite obvious based on your physical health. (<-Ortho scanned you)

•He wanted to kinda help, after Ortho convinced him you really needed it. So Ortho does the praising and complimenting, while Idia sends more food over to your place, just in case if you starve. Oh, don't expect him to help you, alright! He's just- whatever.

•If he ever hears anyone insult you, he's got Ortho to deal with it. Like srsly the moment they open their mouth with ill intentions to your name? Hear that? I wonder why there's a red glowing circle on both their heads.

•But sorry if this is short cuz idk what to do

Anyway- he just... okay, take a break, srsly. Why do you just practice non-stop?? Too much practice is going to tire you out so chill-

•Your supporter is Ortho, Idia can watch behind the scenes as he listens to the awards, he's proud. Sure, you've won and practice in an healthy amount, but now Ortho got a bestie he can support.

•Yeah, you're welcome. Ig.

Malleus Draconia

•Man was fascinated when he saw you do ballet, you were graceful, and fragile but something bothered him, slightly.

•It was your eyes, sure, it was beautiful, but something about it being soulless haunts him in a way. It was nearly empty with grace, criticizing the posture, nipping at every peck of mistake. The confusion gnaws at him. Why? Why do you see yourself less than what you truly are?

•Maybe he found out by Lilia telling him, and he's enraged. Now he looks at your ballet lessons with anger welling in his being, he's amazed, but besides the point, the things you've suffered to get this balance. It's infuriating to know that their are humans willing to hurt themselves in the name of perfection. What was the use, if they hurt themselves and their limbs become unusable? It would be much difficult that way to reach "perfection and grace" if they hurt themselves.

•He praises you like you've created water systems or whatever is great. He poetically compliments you, he supports you he's literally a #1 supporter, no objections.

•And he doesn't want that to happen to you. Look, you have difficulty eating, he wants that fixed. But, he can't because you 'need' to stay skinny, that won't do with him at all. So he tells you firmly, "You are perfect just the way you are, no need to go through such lengths if it hurts your body." Then drags you to food court or smth. Bby wants you to eat healthy, please, if you want to keep doing ballet, be sure to do it in a more healthy way. He doesn't want his child of man harmed from horrible lessons in that industry.

•If you want something he'll get it, nothing is expensive anyway. Plus he's Malleus Draconia tf are they gonna do? Say no to him?

•Had rambled about gargoyles and saw you danced near one coincidentally, man's was tripping.

•He's appreciative, and he's trying. Why insecure when a whole ass prince is praising you for your efforts anyway?

A/n: Doneee!!! Enjoy! Damn, this took longer than I expected, I fr felt bored and ditched [<-it was Floyd, not me]

ghostofviriena <- [for the photo]

[logansargeantsbabymom]

Give Into The Temptation

Oscar Piastri x Fem!Norris!Reader

warnings: ‼️‼️⚠️⚠️SPOILERS FOR TWISTED HATE BY ANA HUANG ‼️‼️⚠️⚠️, cursing, SMUT

Thank you to @forevercaffeinated-lee for this idea! I hope it meets your expectations <3!

Slight enemies to lovers

Follow my instagram account (THATS STRICTLY FOR THIS BLOG) for updates on when i post and fun stuff like that!

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When I first met Oscar I thought he was cute and he is but my god was he so full of himself.  

Now don’t get me wrong, I love a man who’s confident and knows what he wants but Oscar was not that.

Oscar was cocky, full of himself and sometimes downright disrespectful. I usually let it slide because I didn’t see him often so I didn’t have to deal with it, emphasis on the word usually.

-

I’ve been on the road with Lando so far this whole 2024 season because he had asked me to tag along, he something about missing his twin sister or some bullshit like that, in reality everyone knew that I was here because he liked the way I made his meal preps and not the person that’s currently doing it now.

This is the week of the Monaco Grand Prix and Lando has been out all day with his trainer all day doing whatever the trainer made him do all the while I’m stuck at the condo alone.

I was chilling out on a pineapple floaty in the pool when I heard the front door open. I'd decided that I wanted to play a prank on Lando so I snuck out of the pool and quickly dried myself off before quietly sneaking into the condo. I'd heard rustling coming from the bathroom and that gave me the perfect chance to scare him. I waited against the wall for about 45 seconds before I heard the door open, I waited for a second until I saw a taller figure step out the bathroom and with a big leap I screamed 'Boo' at the man in front of me.

However, I didn't get as much joy from scaring Lando as I thought I would and that was only because I didn't scare Lando. I scared Oscar.

"Ah! What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Oscar screamed as I still stood in front of him, placing his hand on his chest as if to slow down his heartbeat.

"What are you doing here?!" I screamed back in total shock and anger that he was here. I mean how did he even get the key? Only Lando and I had a key?

"I'm staying here this race weekend dipshit. You know this." His attitude evident, as always.

"Obviously not, seeing as I'm JUST NOW FINDING THIS OUT!" I shout. I'm so frustrated, I wanted to have a nice weekend to support my brother and hopefully only see Oscar when needed, but turns out I'm gonna be spending the WHOLE weekend with him.

"That's it, I'm going back out by the pool." I scoffed while I dragged my feet dramatically out to the backyard.

-

Back out by the pool, I was laying on one of the lawn chairs and I decided that I was going to try and finish the book I was currently reading 'Twisted Hate' by one of my favorite authors Ana Huang.

While I was reading, I was so deep in thought that I hadn't heard the patio door open and Oscar come out. At least not until I heard a big splash in the water and felt drops of it land on my legs.

"You muppet! I'm reading here!" I shouted as I took the towel I brought out to dry my not-so-wet legs. Oscar looked displeased with me as when I looked up I saw him rolling his eyes at me.

I continued reading in peace and quiet for about another 15 minutes before my timer went off indicating that I should go apply more sunscreen before I get too burned. I let out a annoyed groan because my book was just getting good so I quickly got up and went into the air conditioned condo to the living room to grab the spray on sunscreen, applying it before walking back outside.

Opening the back door, I was quickly met with a sight of Oscar with a towel around his waist and my book in his hand.

"Oscar, put my book down now!" my face just as red as a tomato at the thought of Oscar reading the previous page of the two characters fucking. Part of me didn't want him to know what I read on my free time but part of me wanted him to have read it so that he learns not to pick up and read random books.

"Twisted Hate? I think I've heard of this book." if my face was red before, it must've been a shade of hell right now. How did he know about this book? Maybe someone said it was a good series? Did he know about the pure sex written in it? So many questions flooded my head but before I could question what he meant by what he said he continued talking

(THIS NEXT PART CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE BOOK SO PLEASE KEEP SCROLLING UNTIL YOU SEE THE BOLD WORDS! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!)

"Yeah, Jules ends up telling Josh that she was the one that took the painting. Josh was mad at her at first but then they had make-up sex. Turns out he didn't forgive her and 'broke up' with her mid orgasm and kicked her out." My face fell in shock. There's no way this bitch just fucking spoiled this book for me. No, he's making shit up. There's no way he'd know what was going on in the book, someone could've told him about the 'break in'. Oscar loves to get under my skin and this would be a good way he could do it.

A scoff left my lips as I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Yeah fucking right. That's a good one Piastri, and to think I almost believed you. Wow, this is a new low for you." I laughed as I snatched my book from his grasp and gathered my stuff. I was going to finish my book in the comfort of my well air conditioned room until my brother comes back and we go out to eat.

(OKAY NO SPOILERS AFTER THIS PART)

-

It had been about 30 minutes since my last interaction with Oscar and I was sitting against the headboard of the bed under the covers reading. I was having a good time in the quiet of the room while reading until I got to a part that eerily started to sound like what Oscar told me was going to happen between Jules and Josh.

I kept reading because I didn't want to believe that Piastri was THAT disrespectful to actually spoil my book for me. Sure enough that Aussie dipshit did in fact spoil my book for me. With an angry grunt I peeled myself away from the book and left my room. I was going to find Oscar and kill him.

I searched the house with so much anger in me I felt like I was going to explode. I finally spotted Oscar still out by the pool except this time instead of being in the water, he was sun bathing. Lord knows he needs it because of how pale he was.

Swinging the patio door open I started yelling " OSCAR JACK PIASTRI!" The volume of my voice and the slam of the door startled Oscar and he quickly locked his phone before chucking it on the lawn chair next to his. "YOU ARE SUCH A FUCKING BASTARD!" A slight smirk plastered on his face as he saw how mad I was.

"Finally get to the part I spoiled for you?" he looked so cocky right now and all I wanted to do was to punch him right in his sexy face. No, stop Y/N don't think like that.

"You're a cunt Oscar. I want to never see you again!" I stomped my foot. I looked like an angry toddler when they wouldn't get their way.

"Oh that's cute. We're rooming in the same house this weekend and in case you forgot, your brother and I are on the same team so that's not happening." I watched as a small laugh left his incredibly sexy and slightly plump lips.

As much as I wanted to be mad at Oscar I couldn't help but want to swoon for him right now. He'd gotten out of the pool not that long ago because his body wasn't wet anymore but his swim trunks and hair were still damp. That nasty smirk still plastered on his sexy face, his damp curls laying in every direction, his perfectly toned chest on display, the damp swimming trunks sticking to his hard cock. Wait, is he hard? Was he watching porn before I came out??

"As much as I'm flattered that you're checking me out, my eyes are up here princess." Oscar called as he snapped his fingers at me before pointing to his eyes when I finally looked up.

Did I just get caught checking out the man I hated the most while I'm trying to be angry and yell at him?

"As if. I- I would never check you out. You- You're the last guy I would want to find attractive." I swallowed the lump in my throat as I watched Oscar slowly start to walk in my direction stopping right in front of me. He was so close I could feel his breath on my face, none of us moved and I don't think either of us wanted to. Oscar raised his hands to rest on both sides of my face, leaning in but stopping right before our lips met.

"Really? So why aren't you backing away from my touch?" He was so close to me and all I wanted to do was have the most rough and dirty sex with him right now. "You hate me right? You know they say there's a blurred line between Love and Hate."

"I" need you "I would never love you" I'm trying so hard not to give into the temptation of falling for Oscar but it's so hard. Oscar might be harder but I don't want to be the first to give in. I left heavy calloused hand on my waist and gave it a small squeeze which caused a pathetic small moan to escape my lips.

"That moan that left your mouth just now says otherwise," Oscar and I made eye contact just before he turned his head to whisper in my ear "just say the word and I'll fuck you 7 ways to Sunday before your brother gets back" His hand slowly sliding down my front before they got to my bathing suit bottoms, stopping right above the elastic.

A whimper left my lips before I could stop it. "Is this fine?" Oscar said as he grabbed my chin to look up and face him, a small nod of approval was what I gave him but that wasn't enough "No princess, I need words. Is this okay with you?" Even when we're so deep in this intimate moment he's getting on my nerves.

"Yes," I said breathlessly as I placed my hand on his and guided him underneath the fabric of my bikini bottoms "I need this, I need you so fucking bad." I whispered as I had leaned into the crook of him neck to leave small and delicate kisses.

A heard a groan leave Oscar's lips as I started to suck the skin of his neck to litter his gorgeous skin with hickies.

"Mmmm, fuck. I need you right now." Oscar moaned right before he smashed his lips to mine. The kiss didn't last too long before Oscar picked me up and threw me over his shoulder and started to make his way to my room and slamming the door once we were in. Oscar placed a hard and firm slap to my ass before tossing me on the bed.

"You're so sexy, did you know that?" Oscar started talking while slowly crawling towards me leaving kisses in his wake, started by my feet "I've always dreamed of fucking you since I met you" left a kiss just below my knee "I've jerked off to the thought of me fucking you in my drivers room, making you scream my name so loud they can hear you in the grandstands" kissed my clothed pussy, causing me to jerk my body up "and the thought of filling you so full you're carrying child." kissed my stomach "I've thought about taking you at so many events." kissed my breasts "I thought about us getting caught while I'm fucking your mouth." kissed the under side of my jaw before looking in my eyes "I thought about us getting married and just fucking like rabbits everywhere I can take you" He kissed my lips before biting my bottom lip

"Do it." I said breathless as Oscar leaned down to kiss my cleavage, the second those words left my mouth I felt him freeze.

"Which part?" He searched my face for an answer

"All of it." In 0.2 seconds flat his lips were on mine in a hungry kiss before he licked my bottom lip for entrance which I happily granted him access to. Our tongues fought for dominance but his ultimately won, as we made out I felt an ache in my core that I needed to get rid of. I bucked my hips up to rub against his hard cock, it didn't last long though as one of Oscar's hands pressed firmly on my low stomach pressing my lower half into the mattress.

"Impatient are we?" A small moan left my lips "Don't worry baby, I'm gonna take good care of you" Oscar took the hand that he had pressed against my stomach and moved it to take off his swim trunks before moving that same hand to undo the knots on the strings on the sides of my bathing suit bottoms. Undoing two double knotted knots with one hand was supposed to be hard but Oscar made it seem easy, and hot. Super super hot. Oscar peeled the bottoms off of me and chucked it to God knows where in the room.

Oscar grabbed his cock and fisted it a few times before lining his tip to my entrance before looking in my eyes once again asking for permission

"Oscar, please fuck me. I can't wait anymore" I whimpered. At this point I don't care how pathetic I sounded, I had a hot man in front of me about to fuck me and I needed him.

That was all the confirmation he needed before he slid his cock so deep in my cunt I felt like I could feel him in my throat. He was big and thick, not too big but my god was he thick. My walls stretched in a delicious pain as I adjusted to his size. A quick tap to Oscar's bicep told him all he needed to know before he pulled out and slowly slid back in. He kept going at a slower pace before I spoke up.

"Oscar," I moaned

"Yeah baby, what do you need?" He leaned in to kiss my collarbone

"I need you to fuck me faster" without a second thought Oscar pulled out and slammed into my pussy, easing the aching throb thats been there for a minute.

My walls stretched with each hard and rough thrust of his cock and I enjoyed every minute of it. Oscar had one hand on my hip and used it to guide my hips up to meet his every thrust. Oscar kept fucking me raw and rough for about another 2 minutes before he abruptly pulled out.

A disappointed groan left my lips at the feeling of being empty but that didn't last long because Oscar ended up flipping me around and forcing me on all fours. I turned half my body to face him and I watched he stood on his knees and aligned himself with my entrance again and grabbed my hips and thrusted his cock in me.

A loud moan left my lips as I felt so full of him again. Oscar set a blistering pace as he rocked his hips in and out of my dripping pussy. Oscar slowly withdrew his cock from my pussy before slowly pushing his girthy cock back in making sure he'd bottom out. Even though Oscar was bottomed out he kept pushing himself deeper in me which caused me to reach behind me to attempt to grab ahold of his thighs in hopes to pull him closer to me to make him go impossibly deeper in my cunt.

Oscar finally started his thrusts up again and was fucking me so hard I'm pretty sure the bed was moving. Each thrust sent my body jerking forward and I felt like I was on fire. I could feel a familiar tightness in my tummy as Oscar keeps his merciless pace going.

"Gonna cum for me sweet girl?" Oscar's hand brushed up my back and rested on my shoulder.

"Mmhmm" was all I could muster, Oscar was fucking me so good I couldn't form coherent sentences. I felt Oscar pull out of me before quickly flipping me untilI I was on my back and he thrusted right back into be with so much force.

"I wanna see your pretty face when I make you cum. M'gonna ruin you for any other man." I can't focus, I'm so close to cumming and I need this release.

"I don't want any other man" I murmured "Oscar, I'm so close. Choke me"

I didn't have to ask twice and the second his calloused hand gripped the flesh of my throat and gave it a gentle and slight squeeze my walls clenched around his cock and my body shook as my orgasm washed over me. Oscar kept fucking me through my high as he chased his own orgasm. I could tell Oscar was close just by the way his hips stuttered against me. I was going to tell Oscar to pull out and to cum on my stomach but before I could say anything he spoke up

"Can I please fuck your mouth and cum in it? Please I need to cum so bad" Oscar whimpered

"Please" was all I said before I watched him pull out and quickly made his way up to my face before he shoved his cock in my mouth and started to roughly fuck it.

He didn't last that long and after a few thrust he shoved his cock to the back of my throat and used my used his hand he had placed behind head to shove my face closer to his body until my nose was touching his skin as he spilled his cum down my throat.

Oscar pulled out of my mouth and watched me as I swallowed all his cum. He placed a kiss to my lips before having to pull away due to my phone ringing.

I picked up my phone and looked at the caller ID "Oh shit, it's Lando" I pressed the answer icon and placing it on speaker "This better be good, I'm reading" I said into the phone

"I'm gonna be back at the condo in 20 so get ready for dinner and while you're at it wake up Oscar, I called him 4 times but he isn't answering. He's a heavy sleeper." I had to refrain a chuckle from leaving my lips

"Okay, I'm gonna wake him and then take a shower. Bye, I love you too." I hung up before turning back to Oscar

"Yeah, I forgot I threw my phone on the other lawn chair." he said as he rubbed the back of his neck "And no I wasn't watching porn, I was watching videos of you being interviewed at movie premieres. I can't help it, you're just so hot." Oscar mumbled as he leaned in to kiss my lips again.

"We have to get dressed Oscar" I mumbled against his lips as I pulled away "I smell like sex and I want to wash my hair so I gotta go now." I got up from my bed and was about to walk towards my bathroom before I felt a firm slap on my ass causing me to jerk forward with a yelp

"I'm gonna fuck you so good when we get back, I hope you know that"

-

I MISSED YOU GUYS (I just posted two days ago) I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS!!

Taglist:

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[susicheng]

𝜗𝜚⋆₊˚ dm for prices      l.mk

chapter 6 perfect match

something that you pride yourself on is your easygoing nature. you're nonchalant. you don't really care what people think of you. it was honestly relieving, to exist in peace and not stress over every minuscule interaction you have throughout the day.

now, though, that nonchalance was nowhere to be found. it was just mark lee, seriously, what was the big deal? sure, he would be inside of your apartment. sure, you're also so attracted to him you may or may not have already had your fair share of wet dreams that can never, EVER be mentioned around ten lee (you knew he would never let you live them down). it's not like you guys were going to go at it like rabbits. he was just a guy coming over to watch spiderman movies with you. no biggie. 

a knock at the door startled you out of your thoughts. with one final glance at the mirror, you turned to welcome your (kind-of) drug dealer into your apartment. the door swung open to reveal mark lee, in all of his glory, carrying multiple grocery bags in either hand.

"hey, mark. i told you that you didn't need to bring anything." you reached out to take some of the bags from his hands, pointedly ignoring how domestic and natural it felt between the two of you to behave in such a way. 

"i know, it just felt wrong to come empty handed. it's just some more snacks and some drinks haha" he toed his shoes off and fully entered your apartment, shutting the door behind himself. "thanks for having me over, by the way."

"don't say that yet, you might be begging to escape later" you glanced up at him with a smile on your face, finding the same expression mirrored on his own face "i get more serious about marvel than you might be prepared for."

"little do you know, i'm so serious about spiderman that it's been banned at our friend group's movie nights."

"sounds like we're the perfect match then."

you had both gathered small snack plates, filing into your bedroom (ohmygod mark lee in your bedroom. getting into your bed. holy shit. you did not think this part through). the deep breath that you had to suck in was mildly humiliating, but the way mark almost tripped over a stray cinnamoroll plush on the ground was more humiliating, so you took that as a win. 

you felt comfortable with him. it wasn't necessarily surprising that you had managed to become so friendly with him in a short period of time, but it was surprising that you already wanted him this badly. you might need to stage an intervention for yourself, because there was no reason mark lee should look that good curled up in your bed, watching intently as tom holland flys across the screen. 

you could see why these movies were banned in his friend group, with mark's frequent commentary and analyses cutting into the movie. if you weren't so obsessed with his voice and his semi-alarmingly in depth theories, you might have even been annoyed. instead, this was filed away in your brain as "top 10 cutest things mark lee has ever done." 

you had a feeling you would be adding on to that list quite a lot in the coming weeks.

previous ꩜ .ᐟ             next ꩜ .ᐟ             masterlist ꩜ .ᐟ

⊹₊⟡⋆ mel's corner: sorryy for such a delayed update ahhh! the holidays + work are keeping me booked and busy but thank you all so much for your patience <3

© susicheng .. please do not copy, reupload, or translate my work

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[milkamel]

Sis y'know I kinda wanna brighten your mood so pls yap bout your ShadowVanilla hcs :3 (love it when u do so ngl)

(also rate this pic pls,,, is it canon to our rp??)

Omg bro I literally love you so much I can't describe that with words <3 Thank you for granting me this opportunity it won't go to waste let me write a list of headcanons that spawned in my head/I accidentally borrowed from other people fhgfhjgjhgf

A lot of text ahead, you have been warned

When it comes to pet names PV either calls Smilk by his name or uses gentle names like 'sweetheart' or 'bluebird' (due to his love for those birds too), while Smilk prefers to just use nicknames like 'Nilly', 'Vanilly', 'Nilla', etc because they feel more..personal and original I guess?

PV has much more relationship experience while Smilk has.. none, since before the corruption he was focused on his duty as the Fount of Knowledge and didn't have an opportunity to connect with someone and after that he was stuck in a tree for all those years and PV had a few crushes or relationships before;

PV is taller than SMilk (not by a lot, but enough to notice) so Smilk prefers to float and hide that embarrassing fact. PV definitely knows but doesn't call him out on it;

At first Smilk saw PV's compassion as weakness and naivety but gradually post-redemption changed his point of view and he started to see it as a strength because no matter what PV stood by his ideals no matter how much he got hurt. It's hard not to resent someone to hurt you and find the strength to understand and forgive;

Despite being incredibly smart and wise Smilk's knowledge on some things is a bit outdated. Pure Vanilla tries his best to help and update him on some information even if he struggles sometimes as well (they're both old af, they will never catch up to the modern slang I fear);

PV always has warm hands and Smilk's are always cold. When they cuddle it's a perfect balance;

Smilk is very clingy and needy though he'd never admit that out loud but PV understands what he needs without words and makes sure to spend a lot of time together even if it's something tiny. He makes sure to keep his promise and don't leave SMilk on his own for a long time;

They occasionally read together, though it's more of Smilk reading out loud and PV listening to his voice. It reminds Smilk of the days he used to do lectures but in Pure Vanilla's company it's comforting, he lets his old 'scholar' persona slip;

PV tends to overwork himself/hide his issues and Smilk frequently calls him out on that and makes sure he eats and sleeps while denying that he cares about him;

Smilk struggles with emotions and showing affection and sometimes doesn't fully realize that what he's doing is wrong and toxic due to isolation and his shaky mental state. The best example of that is with his treatment of Truthless Recluse I guess;

Okay so that's all for now I can't think of more stuff- phew once again ty for letting me yap <3

(yes, sadly, that pic is canon to our rp- ..what about the sprite I made? Tell me in dms :) )

[absolutebl]

This Week(s) in BL - yes yes I KNOW

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Dec 2024 Week 1 & 2

Ongoing Series - Thai

Your Sky (Sun iQIYI) ep 3-4 of 12 - Them on the rooftop together (and cooking) learning how to flirt and be comfortable in each other’s space was so damn darling. Fah is so gentle and so enamored. its just endlessly soft. I love the nickname negotiation. And then next we got an illegally cute date!!!!! Yes this is slow but I don't care.

Love Sick 2024 (Sun iQIYI) ep 12-13 of 15 - I like we get more Phun/Dad conflict backstory in this new version. I'm chronicling my experience with 2024 as compared to 2014 here. (hasn't been updated, I'm struggling here)

Caged Again (Fri Gaga) ep 5-6 of 10 - Family (elder gays) to the rescue is a wonderful trope to see! So rare.

Also a v well done first kiss. 

Not gonna lie, I found the second episode overly weird and rather slow and drawn out. Did not need all the cartoon stuff. Also not really into the penguin outfit thing either. Not cute.

ThamePo Heart that Skips a Beat (Fri YT) ep 1 of 12 - Oh I absolutely adore it but...... it’s slow. But I don’t care because everyone’s so pretty. Po is a bit too much of a pushover for me and his sister (or whatever) is a bit too much of a sasang. So I don’t like that part. Hopefully these flaws will get rectified. But my oh my are they PRETTY.

Did I mention the pretty?

Fourever You (Thurs YT) ep 10-11 of 16 - These episodes were a bit better and I am warming Johan (if not to North). I think my issue with this story arc is I never love a tsundere seme. North's hair was epically bad, like 2008 Japan level terrible.

Hill & Ter’s make out and discovery scene was truly spectacular and very tense.

In ep 11 I got very confused because I thought we already saw the rescue from rape in the street scene? Or am I hallucinating? Anygay, most awkward kabedon ever in a BL.

Good kiss though.

And now we are in a very working girl a relationship. Cool if that's your thing, I guess.

The Heart Killers (Weds Gaga) ep 3 of 12 - I like the Khun Mehhh Boss lady character. I cannot stand the music in this show! Fake metal, fake tattoos, I'm getting Hollyoaks flashbacks. Lap sitting was cute and kink was a nice touch. Not sure about the dance tho. Fight scene was much better. Lots of action this ep. ALL the action really.  

Episode 4, however, I inexplicably couldn’t find. I clearly have to use my old-fashioned VPN work-around. And I don’t have access to that computer right now.

Perfect 10 Liners (Sun YT?) ep 6 of 24 - I did really enjoy the twist that the uke character (who is not in love) was more into having sex than seme character (who is in love). That was fun. And quite modern.

I do love them casually just walking around campus in waffle robes. For those who don’t know this is another dig at a BL trope. Frankly, now that there’s a lot more communication (and intentions have been made clear) between the two of them, I’m enjoying their relationship more. I still don't LIKE it. Also the ever present language play is making me happy. For those of you who missed it, the nuance of that krap from a prior perennially rude Arc is basically the equivalent of a semi-sarcastic but also kind of sweet “yes, dear.”

Meanwhile, Sea just popping up out of nowhere made me entirely too happy. I hooted with laughter, it was so ridiculous. Episode 7 I didn't pay much attention because the sound effects were particularly egregious - or was it just me? 

Spare Me Your Mercy (Thurs iQIYI) ep 2-4 of 8 - I went on a journey with this one this week. Ready?

2 - Ooo its very good. I like it a lot. The doc is soooo awkward it's almost believable and yet still sus. Such a great actor. I do keep wondering if they’ve already slept together at some point though. Like they once had a one night stand in college or something.  3 - I did not call the pharmacist and the hospital head kink. Nice twist. I do enjoy how very adult the relationship is between these leads, but I don't get a ton of chemistry. 4 - Well this show turned into something I was not expecting. I thought it was gonna be a sort of mystery but it’s not. It’s more crime thriller is he a serial killer thing. sorry all, but this is too dark for me rn. So I’m giving it a pass until it’s over and others have deemed it safe. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Our Youth AKA Miseinen: Mijukuna Oretachi wa Bukiyo ni Shinkochu (Japan Tues Gaga) ep 5-6 of 11 - Oh it’s the classic flip halfway through so we get the other perspective. I forgot that was coming. Silly me. Anther one for the 2024 sniff test list list. Oh they gave such an achingly sweet sex scene Triggers are rough with this one. We are in for a world of pain. Why am I still watching?

See Your Love (Taiwan Weds Gaga) ep 8 of 13 - gosh they are so sweet. The Daddy/idiot-brat side pairing is epic. Wish they got more screen time.

Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 11 of ? - finally stuff happened. 

Love in the Air: Koi no Yokan (Japan Sat Gaga) ep 6-7 of 10 - ugh, they kept the violation of the journal reading bit in the JBL version. It’s really hard to watch no matter what. I actually think the Thai version of that scene was better acted. But ho boy how do I ever like that character?

Love is Like a Poison AKA Doku Koi: Doku mo Sugireba Koi to Naru (Japan Tues ????) 11-12 end - Went pretty dark. Both psychologically, emotionally, and physically. I still like how the leads remained loyal and connected to each other though. Nice to see battle husbands again after so long. We don’t get them very often in BL these days. it’s just us against the world is always fun to watch. All that said  there’s quite a bit of chin stroking dialogue that was v on the nose and twee for JBL. Pleasure to see Haruto fight like a man who can actually fight, like the actor had some training or something (no idea if this is true). The final ep was satisfying and all in all, an enjoyable show.

A fun little JBL about a repressed lawyer who partners with (and then falls for) a beautiful street-savvy conman. Charmingly, they both come out the better and stronger for the relationship. The return of battle husbands, this time in the courtroom. Thank you, Japan, we appreciate a look in on an oft forgotten trope. 8/10

Be Moon - Falling for my enemy's son (China YT) movie from HBD Studio airing in short bits - this is another series of shorts that popped up on YouTube. It’s very pulp I not wild about it. Although I do like a lot of the tropes. 

Eyes on You (Hong Kong YT) - trailer, oh it’s mostly incomprehensible and really not good. I'd tell you what it’s about but I have no idea. There seems to be some sort of mystery and some violence and people fighting and a pair of lovers at the center of it who are being reunited. Or something.

It's airing but......

Winter Is Not The Death of Summer (Thai Weds YT) ?? eps - Criminals who meet in prison fall in love. I did find it on YouTube, initially un-subbed, then subs happened by which time I got distracted. The first episode seems to be only six minutes long. It is very pulp. But it is intriguing. For now it's to the wayside until someone tells me it landed safely. Occasionally Thai pulps want to be edgy and it's not a good look on them.

Secret Love (? YT?) 13-?? of 81 eps - I don't know what's going on either.

0.5D (Japan ????) 10 eps - Supposedly started 12/4 I couldn't find it though I'd like to watch. "Sales ace, Sada, has a secret that only his junior, Daiki, knows. He has pretended to have a gf for years, resulting in him being a virgin. But now Sada has fallen in love. Confused, Sada seeks advice from his junior." I sense another queer Cyrano De Bergerac. Info here.

Bad to Bed (Taiwan Sat YT) 10 eps - This is a little too low production value even for me + just very very odd. DNF

It Ended But?

Blue Canvas of Youthful Days (China Sun Viki) paused at eps 9-10 of 12 - I have been told the ending is OK if not great. I’m gonna hold off for a bit.

Bad Guy My Boss (Thai Sun Gaga) 10 eps - I DNF'd at ep 7, did anyone stick with this until the end? Thoughts?

Next Week Looks Like This:

No cal for you. Mine is borked. LIFE. Interfering with my BL. Again.

End of year drops:

12/14 & 12/21 The Renovation (Thai mini One31) 2 eps - Writer turns his blossoming romance with holiday resort owner into a novel.

12/20 Eternal Butler (Taiwan Viki?) 12 eps - When Ever 4, a sophisticated AI robot, becomes the personal butler to Luo Bu Shi, a spoiled yet lonely young heir, an unexpected love story unfolds. (Spin off from the first season, new cast.)

12/29 Sangmin Dinneaw (Thai ????) ??eps - trailer Childhood friends (Thai & Korean) reunite after being apart for ten years. As the boys reconnect, their bond matures and feelings of romance begin to develop, in Thai.

Impression of Youth (Taiwan ????) ??eps - rummors are thsi is supposed to start this month.

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Peak humor. Very good.

STRAIGHT = wrong word

(All Perfect 10)

LOOK AT THAT FACE> GAH. (Fourever)

(2 weeks ago)

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

Don't complain you're lucky I got this done at all!

[fen-luciel]

Jealousy part 1

Part 2 here

Warnings: age gap/toxic behavior

Vernestra-Padawan reader/jedi Qimir

I'll update the tags as the story progresses, there should only be two more parts.

I'm not sure how far I'll go with certain behaviors, so leave a comment and let me know what you think <3

(This first part is to provide context, the other two will set the story in motion)

Becoming a Padawan was a lifelong dream. Of course, I was young, so my view of the world and what I would experience in the coming years was very limited. The idea of being taken under the wing of a more experienced Jedi master, learning many more techniques, the missions, the travels, all the people and aliens I could meet... I was bursting with happiness.

Not that the exercises at the temple weren't stimulating, I was glad to have made friends, to have developed a routine with them, but I was ready for something new.

So, when I was finally introduced to my future master, I was bursting with joy. I recognized her immediately, it was hard not to. Vernestra was an important member of the Order, involved with the Senate, and was known for her numerous successes. It was an honor for me to receive that position by her side.

Over the years, I had been recognized as an excellent future Padawan, with the ability to learn quickly, a strong sense of observation, and a positive and kind character that always accompanied me. I was often praised for the way I presented myself to others. In short, everyone saw a bright future for me, but I had difficulty seeing it myself. I was young and inexperienced and I believed that the important thing was to follow the rules, the rest was just a part of me, something I did naturally.

I imagine that becoming Vernestra’s Padawan was just the confirmation of that golden path everyone saw me on, but I was too caught up in the newness to really think about it.

However, I soon realized that I lost the balance I had created up to that point, I lost some friends, some simply due to distance, others were... cold towards me.

I didn't understand what had changed. I would never have accused anyone of feeling emotions like jealousy or anger towards me, we were children. Missteps were normal, and we were taught that it was right to face them and learn from them.

But if you asked around, many would have described me as someone who never made mistakes, who always responded with a gentle smile, a comforting word, a hand on the shoulder, or even just a pleasant company if you needed to vent. Perhaps that was the problem. I appeared too perfect in the eyes of others.

And yet, the Master didn’t make me feel that way. She taught me everything calmly, I followed her every step, she reprimanded me harshly, but always with care. She soon realized how much I sought validation in everything I did.

It was stronger than me, I believed I was always making a mistake, that I was in the wrong. After all, who was I to say something was right or wrong? I was just a Padawan. A child.

And anyway, it wasn’t the Jedi’s job to give answers, but rather to push people to understand for themselves.

Even though it was a concept I found difficult to grasp myself.

Anyway, that’s how I met Qimir.

He was Vernestra’s former Padawan, now promoted to Jedi Knight and independent in his duties, but he often visited us, either to seek advice from his old Master or just to ask how she was doing. I found him very sweet.

The first time I met him in person, I already knew his name. He had managed to stand out as soon as he started his duties as a Knight. Among the younger ones, there was a sense of reverence towards him even though we had never seen him in person. And besides, it was rumored that he was terribly handsome, not that it particularly interested me at the time.

I remember I was in the library with Vernestra, she had assigned me some basic readings to start my future physical training. Young ones are already taught at an early age to defend themselves and to learn various positions, but it was more about building an understanding of your Force signature, learning to trust your senses. The real training would then be individual for the student once they had a Master, so she had recommended these introductory readings on the various forms of combat and their use.

Those were afternoons I remembered with particular affection. Sitting in silence, she would take a more suitable book or bring her work documents on her datapad, and the hours would pass in an instant. Sometimes, I would glance at her to see what she was doing. She noticed every time, smiled slightly, and gently scolded me, telling me to return to my tasks.

I was happy. I felt cared for, appreciated, but not in the cold manner of a teacher with their student. It was a feeling I didn’t quite know how to place in my heart, and it worried me a bit, but I kept my doubts for another day.

On one of those quiet afternoons, I met Qimir. The room was particularly deserted that day, so the sound of footsteps approaching could be heard clearly along the shelves. Thinking it was the librarian, I didn’t pay much attention and remained with my nose buried in the book. Even when he stopped in front of our table I didn’t pay attention. Then, a deep male voice I didn’t recognize spoke Vernestra’s name.

Curiosity flared up in an instant, and as the two began a light conversation next to me, I slowly raised my gaze, the book almost serving as a shield, my hair partly covering my eyes. In front of us stood a young man in his twenties, dressed in the classic brown Jedi Knight attire, speaking casually to Vernestra. His slightly long, smooth hair, a light smile, and dark eyes framed by a chiseled jaw.

It was the first time I saw him. And the first time my heart beat so fast in my chest.

I didn’t know if it was because he was undeniably a handsome guy. I had never been too interested in that sort of thing, and anyway, it was forbidden for Jedi to have too impure thoughts. It was more... his aura. The amused smile but attentive eyes, the neat but relaxed posture... he seemed to shine with his own light. It was what I felt when I saw a member of the council, when I glimpsed Master Yoda in the corridors, reverence, respect, a bit of fear.

He was captivating, and he seemed to be aware of it.

I didn’t even realize that I had been staring at him longer than I should have. He noticed the insistent gaze on him. I must have looked quite ridiculous, a young girl hiding behind a book while staring at the great Jedi Knight, but the smile he gave me right after almost took my breath away as I blushed, perhaps for the first time in my life.

“And you must be the new Padawan who took my place. Nice to meet you, I’m Qimir” he said, extending a hand, and after casting a nervous glance at Vernestra, who was smiling at me, I hugged the book to my chest with one arm, my palm tingling, unsure whether to return the handshake.

Another inner turmoil came with that first touch. His hands had long, slender fingers, marked by numerous calluses, probably from gripping the lightsaber or the various missions he faced. It was just another reason why I started to admire him. I could see all the dots connecting in this figure that represented everything I wanted to become. A Jedi. A reference point for those in need.

I said my name in a low, timid voice, and he leaned towards me with a slight frown “Such a small voice, are you always like this, or am I making you nervous?” he joked, but I bit my lip, not knowing what to reply, I pulled my hand away, but he didn’t let go. Instead, he began to gently rub my knuckles with his thumb.

“Leave her alone, Qimir. She’s shy, don’t start with your teasing” Vernestra scolded him, at which he let go. I hid my hand under the table, clenching it into a fist, my skin tingling.

“Sorry, sorry. It must be a relief for you to have someone like this after me” she sighed but didn’t deny it either, at which I let out a smile and he, noticing, winked at me.

That was the first time I had dealings with him. But soon I began to see him everywhere. When he wasn’t on a mission, he stayed around the temple, so I encountered him in the corridors, in the halls, in the meditation room, and he always had a kind smile for me.

He made me feel special even though I knew it was a selfish feeling. When I managed to study with other Padawans in the library or practiced in the courtyard, he always stopped by to give me a nod. My friends were jealous, but I wasn’t really offended. Qimir was... kind.

It was like seeing the Force alive and pulsing around him. It was impossible not to look at him, not to wish that he would glance at you even just once.

Everyone wanted to be like him. Charismatic. Confident. Everyone wanted to be his friend.

One of the first missions I did with Master Vernestra was another point of contact. Being young, I wasn’t yet allowed in particularly dangerous scenarios, not to mention that if there was one thing I was lacking in, it was combat. I followed the Master almost everywhere, political life was just as important in a Jedi’s path, and I had to understand the mechanics early on for when I would be older, even though they were often more moments of leisure.

The meetings lasted hours, often discussing places, people, and things I knew nothing about. I tried to stay focused, but it was really difficult, and even Vernestra thought I shouldn’t strain myself too much, so she let me roam around, maybe continue studying, or even just take a little break.

One day, ready to depart, we were loading the luggage onto the ship. We were going to spend a few days on Hoth, and I was incredibly excited since I had never experienced a planet with that kind of climate before. As I was lost in my thoughts, a light knock interrupted me. At the foot of the ramp, Qimir gave me a half-smile "Is there room for me too?" I was still intimidated by his presence since we had never really spoken before. I opened my mouth several times, glancing around awkwardly, not sure if he was teasing me or if I was too stupid to understand what he meant.

"I hope you didn’t bring your usual baggage" Vernestra said behind me, gently placing a hand on my shoulder. I looked at her, confused "Excuse me Master, is Qimir coming with us?" I struggled even to pronounce his name, it felt like an insult to do so, as if I didn’t have enough experience to earn such a privilege.

"What, you don't want me around?" he smiled as he walked up the ramp. I squirmed uncomfortably, realizing the embarrassing situation I had caused "N-no, I didn’t mean that—" He smiled even more, but Vernestra intervened again, scolding him "Give her some space Qimir."

The plan was simple: it was a diplomatic mission, and Qimir had joined us to study for a few days with his former master. I didn’t know exactly what he needed, but he wanted her advice. We left a few minutes later, and I avoided the control room like the plague. I only entered once to ask how much longer it would take, burning alive under Qimir’s gaze, then I shut myself in the bedroom and did my homework.

Hoth was as beautiful as it was freezing. But it was worth it; I had never seen such an immense expanse of white, the ground soft underfoot from the snow, the ice mountains, creatures I had never seen before. Vernestra stopped to talk to some locals, and I approached the enormous door overlooking the ice field. I wondered if the entire planet was like this. Did anyone live in those isolated areas? How could anyone survive in such a harsh climate?

A gloved hand rested on my back, snapping me out of my thoughts.

I turned, expecting to see my master, but under the hood, it was Qimir’s dark eyes that looked at me with a gentle smile on his face.

"Beautiful, isn’t it?" he asked before turning back to look at the white expanse before us. I nodded hesitantly. Nervous about speaking to him, I bit my lip but managed to gather the courage "Do you know... if there’s anyone who lives in these lands?" He looked at me, puzzled, and I quickly corrected myself "I mean... besides the local species. Or aliens accustomed to these temperatures. Do you think others could live in a place like this?" He let out a small amused puff, "Well, we actually know for sure. There are many bandits or pirates hiding in these lands. Mainly to hide something, you know, it’s not worth sending search teams into snowstorms for a single man" he explained.

I made a sound of acknowledgment, but he continued "And if we’re talking about others... I think so. Someone who likes solitude or seeks peace. It seems like a good place not to be found" At that point, I turned toward him "Completely alone? It seems..." sad. But I was afraid to say it out loud, sadness wasn’t one of those emotions a Jedi should typically feel, but it felt natural to feel melancholy at the thought of people wanting to lose themselves in nothingness, to never be found again.

"Sad?" he seemed to read my mind "You see, emotions are very complicated to recognize. What might seem sad to you might mean peace to others. As Jedi, we often take many emotions for granted, but we often forget to give them context" I listened, hanging on his every word.

The conversation seemed... strange in some way. It made sense. Of course it did, he was older than me, had more experience in the field, and knew what he was talking about. I should have just nodded and thanked him for sharing those words.

I ignored the burning sensation I felt and thanked him in a faint voice It felt silly to do so, but it was the least I could do.

He smiled at me and gently took my hand "Let’s go, we need to warm up a bit. Trust me, in two more minutes, you won’t be able to feel the tip of your nose" he joked. I stifled a giggle and let him lead me inside toward the rooms. I didn’t know if it was because we were both wearing gloves or because of the conversation we had just had, but I didn’t feel uncomfortable being held by the hand.

A couple of days later, I was alone in one of the bases scattered across the ice. Vernestra was in a meeting and had forbidden me from attending due to the sensitivity of some of the information that would be exchanged. The problem was that these places weren’t particularly full of people or things to do. Yes, there was a bar area, but after the third cup of hot chocolate, I was afraid of pushing my stomach to the limit, so I stayed at the entrance, my feet in a pile of snow as I doodled or made small, questionable-looking statues.

I was so engrossed in the crooked little house I was shaping out of the ice that I didn’t notice the snowball being thrown in my direction.

I let out a startled yelp when it hit the hood on my head. I spun around just in time to see Qimir burst into laughter "Why did you do that?!" I stood up quickly, brushing the snow off my head.

"You looked so bored, I woke you up, didn’t I?" he chuckled.

I glared at him with a pout while he continued to laugh, so I decided to get revenge.

I bent down to grab a pile of snow, quickly making two balls. I threw the first one, but he easily dodged it.

He turned with an arrogant smile, ready to boast when the second one hit him square in the face.

I burst into laughter. He wiped the snow from his nose, his smile gone before bending down to grab more snow.

I shouted his name, realizing immediately what he was about to do, and started running through the snow with him on my heels. We didn’t even have time to make proper snowballs, we just grabbed the snow in our hands, compacted it as best we could, and threw it at each other in a never-ending war. Sometimes I noticed people giving us amused looks as they arrived or departed from the base, but I didn’t care, I was so happy that, for the first time, I didn’t even care what people thought of me.

An hour later, Vernestra called us back, giving us a confused look. She sighed and sent us to dry off. I felt a bit embarrassed at that moment, and I apologized for the childish behavior, but she smiled at me and assured me there was nothing wrong with what we had done.

In the end I took a full shower someone had left dinner on my bed, considering how long I had been under the hot water. I ate and, putting on one of the heavy local pajamas, decided to step out into the hallway to ask the Master what we would be doing the next day. I knew she wasn’t in bed yet, based on her nightly habits.

I walked down the hallway on the second floor, where the various guest rooms were located, when I noticed that her door was already open.

I approached slowly and immediately recognized Qimir’s voice.

"I’m just saying, if we block the main routes, they’d be forced to come out into the open" With a sense of curiosity, I pressed myself against the wall to peek into the room. The two were looking at an old map spread out on the table.

"I agree, but it would take too many resources, and we don’t know the exact times or routes. It would take a lot of time" she replied wearily. Qimir, standing next to her, bit his lip before flashing one of his smiles, "Or... we could sneak in"

She sighed again "The point is the same. We don’t have the resources—"

"I’ll go in myself. I’ll cut the power right under their noses, and—" She interrupted him with a wave of her hand.

"Do you realize what you’re saying? Sneaking in like a thief, and then what? Even if I let you do it, they could still escape, and..." He circled the desk, positioning himself in front of her, his back to me, so I barely heard what he said "No one said we need them alive—"

A sudden thud made me jump. I pressed my hands to my mouth, paralyzed, afraid they had heard me "No. Stop this nonsense, Qimir."

I don’t know what they said after that, I was too busy slipping back into my room, the conversation I had just overheard spinning in my head.

Sometimes, as a Jedi, you had to make drastic choices, right?

Or at least, it seemed that way.

I tried to forget about it and went to sleep.