#Think about it. They're a match made in hell with the perfect ship name

[onemillionwordsofcrap]

Krusie this, Suselle that. I think we all know which S-tier ship is endgame: SpamRules

[captturner]

'no one wants to hear me rewrite these movies' come again??

I am endlessly grateful for your indulgence truly.

Honestly, I know I'm gonna end up doing it once I have my ducks in a row. Because you don't need to throw the movies out entirely. Just need to tighten up a few details. Overhaul, not throw out.

OST — Jack ends AWE with nothing but Gibbs and a map, so being the shrewd man he is, he makes the most of his connections. He happens to know a pirate lord he's helped become pirate king who just so happens to have a fleet of ships. Now Elizabeth made a name for herself during AWE, but she still has work to do capitalizing on that + has to protect Will's heart + has a son to raise. However, I can fully believe that, after everything she's lost, she would see the appeal of immortality for herself and her son. Immortality to match her cursed husband even. So Jack talks her into backing him. But, Jack fails to produce any results at all whatsoever for twenty-one fucking years. He doesn't even learn about the ritual for the fountain til OST when his dad deus ex machina informs him. At some point in this time, they have a falling out over it. At least by the time Will's first decade of service is up, if not sooner. This is not the end of her involvement, however, as Barbossa approaches her after Blackbeard takes the Pearl. She's built up a hell of business in this time, one part piracy and one part legitimate. She backs him in becoming a privateer, and they ally in their search for the Fountain / vengeance respectively.

DMTNT — Why is Henry in the navy? Fool decision imo. When the search for the Fountain falls through, Henry's search for the Trident of Poseidon ramps up. A search that imo Elizabeth would ultimately back: not only to save Will but to save Henry. He has his parents' willfulness — perhaps especially hers — and trying to stop him would only lead to a repeat of him drowning himself to see Will or worse. So instead she not only gives Henry an academic education but a practical sea-faring one. God I'm trying to think how to salvage the Salazar plotline and you really can't. It was unnecessary. Seeing Jack's rise to captaincy added something, but Salazar and his crew did not. He wasn't a good counterpoint to Jack. In fact, he would've done much better as a counterpoint to Norrington or Will as they have both been in danger of becoming him. So sorry to say but we gotta nix him. Instead the premise becomes that Henry and Elizabeth have been searching for the Trident all this time, but now they're doubling down on the search even harder. Elizabeth restores the Pearl for Jack on the condition that he sail with Henry + a crew she provides to find the Trident. This is perfect as Jack has transitioned from seeking literal immortality to seeking immortality through legend. Also he's technically the one who got Will cursed in the first place, albeit by sacrificing his own desires to save him. They are thus intentionally sailing to find Carina and the journal she carries. This brings Barbossa into play who has kept tabs on Carina, perhaps especially since losing the Pearl. He doesn't want her dragged into all of this, and when he can't prevent it, he joins the venture. This gives a more logical avenue for the reveal that he's her father. She inherits everything when he dies.

[lords-of-mayhem]

Lords Of Chaos Ships Playlist

A playlist of songs for various LOC ships. (Only one per ship this time <3)

Blackthorn x Varg // I Bet On Losing Dogs

I bet on losing dogs. I know they're losing and I pay for my place by the ring where I'll be looking in their eyes when they're down. I'll be there on their side, I'm losing by their side.

Dead x Euronymous // Heaven Iowa

I've unspooled on the floor, I feel so A Star Is Born. Kiss my cheek, baby, please. Would you read my eulogy? I will never ask you for anything except to dream sweet of me.

Tell me when the party ends, will you still love who I am? Scar crossed lovers, forever. I'm checking myself out forever. Save your breath, half your life you've been hooked on death.

Faust x Varg // Cigarette Daydreams

Did you stand there all alone? Oh, I cannot explain what's going down. You sigh, look away. I can see it clear as day. Close your eyes, so afraid, hide behind that baby face.

Funny how it seems like yesterday. As I recall, you were looking out of place. Cigarette daydream, you were only seventeen. Soft speak with a mean streak, nearly brought me to my knees.

Dead x Euronymous x Hellhammer x Necrobutcher // Remember When

You were the first, so was I. Made love and then you cried, remember when? We lived and learned, life threw curves. There was joy and there was hurt. Life was changed, disassembled, rearranged. We came together, fell apart, and broke each other's hearts.

Faust x Occultus // Francesca

Do you think I'd give up, that this might've shook the love from me? How could you think, darling, I'd scare so easily? If someone asked me at the end, I'd tell them put me back in.

I would do it again. If I could hold you for a minute, darling, I'd do it again. I could find you, darling, in any life.

Euronymous x Varg // Hum Hallelujah

I thought I loved you, it was just how you looked in the light. A teenage vow in a parking lot, 'til tonight do us part. I sing the blues and swallow them too.

My words are my faith, to hell with our good name. Remix of your guts, your insides x-rayed. And one day, we'll get nostalgic for disaster.

Blackthorn x Faust // We Fell In Love In October

Smoking cigarettes on the roof, you look so pretty and I love this view. We fell in love in October, that's why I love fall. Looking at the stars, admiring from afar.

Faust x Fenriz // Disloyal Order Of Water Buffaloes

Doc, that's a hole where something was. Put him in the back of a squad car, restrain that man. He needs his head put in a CAT scan. Oh, I'm a loose bolt of a complete machine.

What a match, I'm half-doomed and you're semi-sweet. Imperfect boys with their perfect ploys, nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy.

Metalion x Ann-Marit // Apocalypse

You leapt from crumbling bridges, watching cityscapes turn to dust. Filming helicopters in the ocean from way above. Got the music in you, baby. Kisses on the foreheads of lovers, wrapped in your arms.

You've been hiding them in hollowed out pianos, left in the dark. Sharing all your secrets with each other since you were kids. Sleeping soundly with the locket that she gave you clutched in your fist.

Euronymous x Faust x Varg // I Love You Like An Alcoholic

Cast that first glance. Your smile, my veins at maximum capacity, blood pumping so fast. My girl, if looks gave heart attacks. Some handsome dark stranger, you were standing there on the corner.

Kissed that first night and then the rain opened up the sky. You had those compelling magnetized eyes you must've lost when you got older. You laughed, but seemed a little sad. One last kiss, I love you like an alcoholic.

[twistedwonderworm]

Hey hey bestieee <3 Heard about your Match up event so I decided to jump on in.

1. My preferred nickname is Cyndy.

2. My preferred Pronouns is She/her.

3. As for personality, to a lot of people I'm known as the shy, sweet and introverted kid. I dislike going to a lot of gatherings or parties because I dislike loud noises and I just prefer my own space, though I'm okay with a group of people and open up relatively quickly to a small group of people. I really like helping people and often times I stress myself out for absolutely no reason (and this has sadly lead to some health issues), and I put people above myself. I'm a picky person food wise, and I'm pretty messy with a low self esteem and I break down immediately apon being yelled at. I'm often known to stress myself out into a panic attack and I like soft and fuzzy things.

4. I like a person that's willing to be okay being away from a lot of people at one time, and I like someone who gives me cute small gifts, regardless of if they're hand made or not. I like a patient person who will understand I don't exactly have an off switch to my anxiety and will be there with me through it. And I like someone that I can have a fun time with, like running around at night or something. As for dislikes, I don't like someone that's incredibly picky and petty that has a high temper level. I don't like someone that forces me to do things and orders me around like some sort of maid, and nor do I like someone who constantly is on social media 24/7.

5. I can't stand Sebek, Leona, Vil, Vargas, Ace, and Ruggie.

6. I don't mind being shipped with the faculty (:

┗━•❃°•°❀°•°❃•━┛

Thank you for your time, bestieeeee <3

Bestieeeee!! I'm so glad you joinedddd!!! I'm sure I got the perfect match for youuuu.

The fearsome but lonely dragon himself, MALLEUS DRACONIA!!

Being a nonhuman being to begin with, Malleus is a lot more draconic in my AU.

Malleus is really introverted himself, though that seems to be from how the people around him treat him. He doesn't have any friends and often doesn't get invited to things, so he's content to stay inside with you. He knows the dangers of stressing yourself out, so he wants to keep you as relaxed as possible. Sometimes using his tail to pull you into his arms for a hug. He's careful with his claws so that he won't nick you.

Also bring a dragon, he absolutely has a hoard of things that catch his eye. Shiny, beautiful things. Things that he may gift to you of he's interested in you. He'd also be able to protect you from the loud, rude people. Hell, Sebek would probably shit up if Malleus ordered him to. This dragon is so smitten with you and wants to make you happy.

🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉

"Cyndy."

The sound of her name being said in such a deep and gentle voice had Cyndy looking up from her work. She had been working hard on a new story, and Malleus almost felt bad for disturbing her. She needed a break though.

"I brought you up some tea," The dragon spoke, holding the mug carefully in his clawed hands. It should have burned him holding it like that, but the dark scales that covered his hands seemed to protect them from the heat. He carried the tea over to her, setting it down before sitting next to her.

Cyndy smiled softly, grateful that he was thinking about her this much, "Thank you so much, Housewarden!" She took the mug and gently blew on the tea before taking a sip.

"Malleus," He said, a small smile gracing his lips. "Please call me Malleus."

"Okay Malleus!!"

Over the next few months following that small gifts would find their way to Cyndy. Some would be left in front of her door or in her room. Though there were some that Malleus handed directly to Cyndy. Little trinkets and jewelry. She was so confused that she went to Lilia to ask him.

"Awww, that's so cute!" The Elder vampire cooed when she told him what his oldest son was doing. "He's courting you!!"

"Courting me?" She asked, confused. "You mean he's interested in me like that?"

Lilia nodded, "If you want to return his feelings, try giving him gifts back. Flowers work. So do any shiny things that dragons like."

So Cyndy started leaving gifts for her sweet, protective dragon. She would gift him flowers and shiny things she found. She even spent money on some jewelry made specifically to dangle off of horns.

He was pleased when she put it on his horns, wrapping his arms and wings around her, "I'm so happy you return my feelings."

She smiles back, leaning against his chest and relaxing to the sound of his rumbling dragon purrs, "And I hope I make you so much happier in the future."

[we-pay-for-everything]

You disliking Luke and Lorelai gives me life! I watched Gilmore Girls for the first time during the pandemic and hated almost every character but was especially stunned by Luke and Lorelai because for years I'd heard about what an incredible 'best ever' ship they were and it turns out they are terrible in almost every single way. Once they got together, what little chemistry they had seemed to disappear, but the problems run so much deeper than that. Once they went from friends to dating, they literally don't even seem to like each other, they are always deeply annoyed by each other, they have LESS than nothing in common, they constantly lie to each other or at least 'omit the truth', they are completely incompatible, they seemingly can't connect or even have an actual conversation about ANYTHING. And maybe this has to do with the actors supposedly not getting along but the characters just never seemed to click or make each other happy once they got together. As much as I am not a Rosschel fan for all the reasons you named (and love Rachel/Joey, which I will always believe should have been endgame!), Rosschel's below average communication skills seem practically stellar compared to Luke and Lorelai's unwillingness to have any sort of real conversation at all outside of Lorelai blathering about nothing like a flailing, attention-desperate standup comedienne and Luke grumbling about how much he hates every aspect of life. I love Friends despite its problems and despite wishing Ross and Rachel hadn't been a thing past season 2, but even thinking about Gilmore Girls annoys me, lol. I see why people love it, but for me the "ugh" outweighs the good :) Thank you for letting us vent!

I agree with everything, haha! I got so angry and frustrated with those two as well. They don't get any better in A Year in the Life (spoiler alert). They're honestly terrible apart too. Between Luke's anger issues and Lorelai's selfishness they were a match made in hell.

Gilmore Girls is definitely very frustrating. I understand! I sometimes think about rewatching it because I love Logan, Paris, Lane, Emily, Rory, and Rory/Logan - despite these characters' flaws (not Lane's, she's perfect) - but it's so hard to watch the show... So, I understand, though I used to love it! I was a bit less frustrated by Friends too, but a lot more indifferent. I loved the GG universe despite everything. Just thinking about the characters and relationships makes me want to rewatch. They're so familiar and comforting to me though I don't know the show as well as I do other old favorites.

What did you think about the other characters and pairings? Where do you stand on the Logan/Jess/Dean debacle lmao?

You're welcome to vent anytime! Thanks for the ask!!

[oryu404]

Fairy Tail and Stingue for the ask cause I just got done Fairy Tail and Gratsu and I am filled with the need to know what you think.. lmao

Going to check out what you had to say as soon as I finish this lmao

Alright,

002 | Stingue, my beloveds.

- When I'd started shipping them:

Honestly, the ship flew right over my head the first time I watched the show. I was focused on the story, not on potential ships at all then. It wasn't until I did a rewatch and got to That Scene, the iconic "as long as he's with me," that I slipped and fell into the proverbial shipping hell. Still haven't found the exit yet. Stopped looking. Built a base here 😂

- My thoughts:

Are endless. Ain't nobody got time for that. So I'll simplify and say this pairing grabbed me like no other ever has.

- What makes me happy about them:

Everything? I love their respective character designs (yes, even their terrible fashion senses), and their personalities, and the way they complement each other. I love their dynamic, the way they obviously care about each other but can and will also bicker and fight like an old married couple. The way their fates have been intertwined since they were young, how they've been presented as a duo from their first appearance, how they understand each other like no one else does. I can go on, but you get the idea.

- What makes me sad about them:

I guess I could say the fact that their relationship will never be explicitly stated as romantic in canon, but I think more accurately would be the fact that they'll never be canon because they're both dudes. And I'm adding my... I guess frustration? that a lot of people who don't ship them would do so in a heartbeat if one of them was a girl.

- Things done in fanfic that annoys me:

Lots of things, but you know me. Emo Rogue makes me wanna stab someone 😂 And by Emo Rogue I don't mean a Rogue who gets emotional, because we all know that man is a complete trainwreck when something happens to his damn cat. I mean scene boy Emo Rogue who wears skinny jeans and listens to MCR and cries or self harms through most of the story. Just No.

Equally high on this list are literally any of the shitty yaoi tropes, like the dumb 'this character is an exclusive top and this character is a total bottom,' and any characterization that's basically the author's OC with their names and (parts of) their appearances slapped onto them.

I know no two people look at/interpret a character exactly the same way, and I do think that everyone is free to enjoy their headcanons all they want. They're just not for me most of the time. I'm fine with and even enjoy some of them, but there are quite a few I avoid like the plague.

- Things I look for in fanfic:

The opposite of what I mentioned in the previous answer: characterizations that genuinely feel like them. Again, no one's perfect in this, not even me, but it's easy to tell whether someone wrote them with their canon personalities in mind vs someone who went Fuck Canon I Make The Rules.

That, and a good storyline, or a satisfying scene if it's just a oneshot or drabble, makes for a great fic in my book.

- My wishlist:

More than anything, I wish people would create more content for this pairing, even if not all of it fully matches my (very personal) tastes. I just miss seeing more enthusiasm. Not just for Stingue, but for Fairy Tail as a whole.

- Who I'd be comfortable them ending up with, if not each other:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA No one. Seriously. Ship and let ship, and all that. I'm not here to bash on other people's ships, but this is one pairing I just can't see with others, not even in polyamorous relationships. They just don't have a strong enough connection to any other character that isn't an Exceed for me to see other Sting or Rogue pairings as satisfying.

- My happily ever after for them:

I think they already got it. Sort of. They rebuilt Sabertooth, turned it into a home. Made friends within and outside of their guild. I think they're perfectly happy living out their days going on jobs or bickering over paperwork, coming home to a small apartment or cottage to then bicker over chores. Spending days off to relax or do something fun with Lector and Frosch. Occasionally meet up with friends from other guilds to hangout or spar. You know, stuff like that.

Can't believe this took me a literal hour to write 😂

[broimjustagirl]

My Rant About Siege and Storm (Spoilers)

(Re-posts/re-blogs are allowed)

*please don't hurt me, I promise I am actually a decent and kind person in real life*

DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVE NOT FINISHED READING 'SIEGE AND STORM'. CONTROVERSIAL OPINIONS INCLUDED, NOT INTENDED TO HURT ANYONE, DO NOT HATE IF YOU DO NOT AGREE WITH ME. THESE ARE JUST PERSONAL OPINIONS. (Book 2 of the Shadow and Bone Trilogy) If you do, do not blame me for spoiling the book. If you have only watched the TV show, you might want to skip this as well, anyways, *cough*, let me begin!

FIRST OF ALL; the beginning from around the start to page 300-ish was literally so boring. Except for Nikolai of course, Nikolai is king. Also, I am not anti-Malina, but come on, some of the scenes made me cringe so hard. You got to admit, some of the Malina scenes were cringy and unoriginal.

Also, why was Mal so insecure about his relationship with Alina? Why doesn't he trust Alina enough to know that she would never cheat on him with Nikolai? (though if I were her, I would 100% choose Nikolai, not gonna lie) Mal obviously feels threatened by Nikolai (why wouldn't he? Not to hate on him) even though Mal and Nikolai's alter persona Sturmhond were literally friends. Mal obviously doesn't trust Alina, which to me is a red flag.

ANOTHER RED FLAG (in my opinion, don't hate) was the fact that he started drinking SO BADLY and STARTED SEEING ZOYA, though I have to admit that he and Alina weren't really a thing at that point, but still.

Alina has also really started to annoy me, starting at the point when she threatened Zoya. Yes, Zoya was rude to her, but why don't you believe Zoya when she said that she lost LITERAL FAMILY because of the Darkling. Why did Alina question her? She could see that Zoya was about to cry, but still decided to throw her off. I sided with Mal when he said that Alina was threatening Zoya and SHE LIKED IT. THE FRICK ALINA?

Alina is powerful, and a great main character, but she's starting to be arrogant. Seriously. (I know I was pretty arrogant as a kid, hell, I thought I was smart when I was 9 because I knew what the word 'vital' meant) But it was obvious that Zoya was super hurt, and though Alina did regret some things she said, why didn't she feel a lot empathy for her, even if Zoya was rude to me, I wouldn't continue to threaten her to leave the only home she has left. Losing family is super painful, and though I'm rude sometimes, I would never be rude someone who had just lost an aunt and a niece in a betrayal of someone she trusted (AKA the toxic Darkling, I LIKED YOU, BUT YOU CROSSED THE LINE DUDE)

Anyway, after those 300 boring pages of the Darkling teleporting like a superhero and being a legit stalker (Except for Nikolai, I love you Nikolai) THE DARKLING FREAKING ATTACKS THE LITTLE PALACE (Yes, I read spoilers about this. Yes, I was still surprised. Yes, I feel the same as when I read the Hunger Games for the first time, it's that painful)

BUT THE THING THAT ANNOYED ME THE MOST WAS WHEN ALINA WAS ALL LIKE:

'oooh Mal, i love you so much, i've always loved, *kiss here*, *kiss your jawline like a weirdo*, i kiss this, i kiss that. i've loved you forever'

AND THEN SHE'S LIKE:

'ooh darkling, let me kiss you and play with your hair, yasssssss. you're my king aleksander.' (WAIT A MINUTE, I'M CONTINUING TO READ THAT PAGE BECAUSE I PUT IT DOWN AFTER SHE KISSED THE DARKLING TO CALM MYSELF, AND WHAT THE FRICK IS HAPPENING. WHY IS THIS BOOK SO CONFUSING)

BUT DAVID HELPING GENYA WAS SO FREAKING SWEET. GENYA IS A LITERAL QUEEN.

I guess I have a problem with literally hating every single main character (Except Percy Jackson, perhaps I'm biased because PJO was the first fandom I was ever part of) like Katniss (She's a little negative and pessimistic no offense) and many protagonists from lesser-known novels. BUT ALINA, YOU GET ON MY NERVES. No offense once again. I can't name all the times she annoyed me, but trust me, there are lots.

AND YES, I STARTED GASPING WHEN NIKOLAI AND ZOYA HAD THEIR FIRST INTERACTION. YES, I KNOW ABOUT ZOYALAI EVEN THOUGH I HAVEN'T EVEN READ RULE OF WOLVES YET. I haven't even read up to the part where Zoyalai is canon, but I've read enough of Nikolai's Grishaverse Fandom Page to know that Zoyalai is literally perfect. Come one, sort of a reckless little idiot and a stern-minded ambitious queen, PERFECT MATCH. OH MY GODS, I'M FANGIRLING OVER A THING I HAVEN'T EVEN READ THAT MUCH OF.

I think Zoya was saying something and Nikolai said something to her during a war meeting and IT WAS SO EXCITING FOR ME EVEN THOUGH THAT WAS THE ONLY INTERACTION THEY HAVE. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

But whenever the Grishaverse fandom mentions how toxic the Darkling is (I've just realized after reading Siege and Storm and watching the SAB TV show) they're just like:

'Mal is boring and has no personality'. GURL, THAT'S TRUE AT SOME POINTS, MAL INFURIATES ME MOST OF THE TIME, I did ship Darklina at some point, but come on, it's still pretty toxic, but it was good for a short-term relationship, but long-term....eh, nope. I've come to the point where I have to accept the fact that everyone has different opinions, so if you ship Darklina, ship it. But also realize that the Darkling was super toxic, especially when he killed the innocent people of Novokribirsk. Otherwise, I'll read some Darklina wattpad fan-fics on Wattpad. It's nice to be neutral.

Anyways, I've suddenly realized that people are getting bored of my rant because this is so freaking long, thank you for baring with me. I await the toxic and hate comments for my controversial opinions

Countess of Cats

Inferni - OUT!

[awilddreamermain]

Hi, Chels! Congratulations!! I'm so happy for you! You deserve every follower and more! That is a threat, I'm holding everyone hostage 🔪

I would love to get a MHA matchup, I wanna see who you'd match me with! Got me so curious! SFW & NSFW if you'd be willing!

My name is Chloe but I prefer May, nicknames include May-May, Maybell or Chlo.

I'm 25, pronouns are she/he, Cancer Moon, Aries Sun and Virgo Rising. Quite the weird mash of zodiacs, huh?

My favorite colors are pink (that soft pastel kinda baby pink), red (especially blood/garnet red) and...can I add pink again? Any shade of pink this time. Bubblegum or hot pink.

Favorite AU's include A/B/O, Mafia, Historical, Fantasy and does Mythical Creatures count?

Oh...oh boy, I gotta look deep for some fun facts that aren't just...facts but I'll do my best!

1) My sneezes are so short and high pitched I go "chu".

2) I have vitiligo, makes me look like a dog because it's mostly around my mouth and my right eye so I have a spot!

3) I have atrocious balance, my knees and shins are always banged up because I cannot for the life of me walk correctly.

4) I have a stutter, on top of speaking so quickly it turns into a jumbled mess. So good luck understanding what I said because I have no idea either.

5) I have a growing unicorn plush collection. My favorite is Cupcake, one that's actually taller than I am. Big chunk.

My likes are pretty simple. Cute & soft sweaters, blankets, warm coffee and strawberry milk, pastries and the cold! Winter is my favorite season. History, particularly the Medieval and Victorian times.

My interests revolve around creativity and you could say they're my hobbies as well. Drawing in particular, I used to do digital but I'm stuck with traditional pencil and paper at the moment. I'm dipping my toes into painting and its very fun! Obviously writing and reading and if I'm not doing of those listed then I'm definitely playing video games.

Personality I might say I'm quite split down the middle. At first, to a complete stranger I might come across as cold, stoic, with a resting bitch face, that just wants to get whatever I'm outside for done so I can leave. I'd create a witty or sarcastic comeback if I was given sass by a Karen but with my speech issues? I'd be lucky to get one coherent word out at her...and spend the rest of the day fantasizing what could've happened. So I'm rather quiet, agoraphobia hits hard in large or crowded places so I'm an anxiety riddled mess on the verge of a panic attack. In private or with people that I'm comfortable with? Complete opposite. Happy, bubbly, cracking puns and jokes so get those groan worthy reactions. I try to be the "mom friend" and get over my issues if someone is having it worse, I'll march up to a counter and ask for ketchup if someone wanted it but was too scared to do it themselves. The shoulder to lean and cry on, I'm highly empathetic and understanding, compassionate at times. But I have to actively try and keep myself positive and say good things about myself because I do fall into the pit of self-loathing and hate.

For appearance I'd say I'm average height, pale with white splotches that are inching larger due to my vitiligo, chubby, ashy blonde, blue eyes, button nose. I'd say I'm decently cute? I don't know if I can rate myself.

Okay I know I said I'd be looking into Zodiac compatibility for this but— I literally just screamed internally "KIRISHIMA" when I was reading this. You two would be perfect omg. This Libra king would do anything for you. For this you're an artist and the daughter of a mafia boss :) I like to think of ship names sometimes so like, yours would either be like Eijmay or Mayjirou or Kiriloe— that last one and first are awful I know so lets go with the second? I can't write a proper stutter for the life of me so I tried to keep your dialogue to the minimum.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀ Pairing: Eijirou Kirishima

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀AU: Mafia

⠀Theme Song: You're The One That I Want - Alex & Sierra

How you meet (his point of view):

⠀⠀The gallery was full of black and white suits, tight, floor length dresses with the sounds of laughter and clinking glasses meeting his ears. It was a joyous evening, celebrating the wonderful art work created by the boss's daughter. He had never met her before but he had heard whispers, all good as no one would dare slander the name of their leader's precious little girl. You were the boss's pride and joy, thus he kept you as far away from the darker side of the family business as possible.

⠀⠀Kirishima was still a new hire, a bodyguard of sorts and would consider this his first gig. He had an idea of who he was looking for as he walked further into the mass of people admiring your work but didn't expect what he would eventually come across. You were as far away from the crowd as you possibly could be, guzzling glasses of wine and over all appearing to be a deer in headlights. He couldn't fugure out for the life of him why you seemed so frightened until he watched people approach you to talk, noticing the stutter in your voice when you replied to questions and greetings,your body language telling people to stear clear of you.

⠀⠀So, he did what he was hired to do. "Kindly step away from the lady." He said with a smile, approaching with his large arms crossing over his broad chest as he towered over the guests. They looked at him as if he were a giant shark looking to devour them before scurrying away, leaving the two of you alone. He stood quietly, listening to the voices on the other side of his ear piece as his ruby eyes scanned the area around you. He made sure to not stand so close and avoided in letting his gaze wander.

⠀⠀He couldn't help but admire your skin in quick glances, finding the spot over your eye to be quite adorable. Your silky, ask blonde hair was all dolled up for the event, light make up on your face but not enough to cover the vitiligo. You were stunning and his heart hammered against his chest. So the rumors were true.

⠀⠀You thanked him, voice quiet and careful as you set down your wine glass and clasped your hands together. Out of the corner of his eye he watched you twiddle your thumbs. You didn't want to be here, did you? This obviously wasn't your idea, how could it be? A girl like you, timid as a mouse, didn't want to be surrounded by strangers. "Miss..." He began, thinking carefully because the last thing he wanted to do was piss off the boss and likely get himself killed. But this was his job wasn't it? Making sure you were happy and safe? "Would you like to leave here for a bit? We'll come back of course, but you look like you need some air."

Extra.

He ended up taking you to a drive thru restaurant and got you whatever you wanted, letting you talk about whatever you wanted or sat quietly if you chose not to talk at all If it was quiet in the suv then that was fine too, he just wanted to help you in any way he could. Eventually the silence becomes small talk and then leads to a rather deep conversation about whatever the hell was going on inside that beautiful brain of yours. Kirishima wasn't the smartest man but he wasn't stupid, he wasn't as clueless as most thought he was. You told him how your father made you do this as an attempt to get you out there, to socialize and possibly find a suitor. This was the mafia after all.

The Confession:

⠀⠀It was a tradition now, every Sunday you and Eijirou would go to your favorite café to have coffee and enjoy the early day weather before it got too hot. You sit at the same table, in the same chairs with him facing the door. You get the same drinks and food and just overall enjoy each others company. After that night at the gallery you two became fast friends, which your father obviously had to approve of but thankfully he did. Kirishima was a good man, he's trustworthy and puts you before himself.

⠀⠀The day he approached your father and asked to speak in private was the day he knew he was likely to get thrown in the deepest, darkest depths of the ocean. He has confessed his feelings for you to your old man, who listened intently with a blank face behind his desk. "Sir, I'm in love with your daughter, and with your blessing I'd like to... court her." He was utterly terrified when your father cleared his throat and sighed, shifting where he sat so he could stand and move around the desk. He reached out for a handshake which Kirishima looked up at him with a questioning look.

⠀⠀Your father gave his blessing and now... He just had to tell you, his best friend, that he loved you. God he loved you so much— "Kiri," you interrupted his thoughts, bringing him crashing back to reality," a-are you alright? You seem nervous." He swallowed hard in response but cleared his throat, taking a sip of his cappuccino.

⠀⠀"Oh yeah— definitely." He breathed with a laugh, moving a hand to the back of his neck to scratch. How was he going to say it? "So, uh—" he licked his lips, adjusting himself in his seat multiple times until he groaned and leaned forward. "Fuck, I'm just gonna say it— Maybell, I love you. I have for a long time now and I talked to your father and he said—"

⠀⠀"Said what, Eijirou?" Your eyes widened at his confession and he felt like a complete idiot. Should he had said something to you first? Was this a mistake? What if you didn't feel the same way? God his mind was going to explode—

⠀⠀"That I could... court you. With your permission." You were quick to nod and smile to his surprise, which prompted a grin if his own.

Extra.

Kirishima HAS to be facing the door in any public place you go to. I don't make the rules.

He never let's you walk close to the road, he has to be between you and it at all times when you're walking.

He oders your food and drinks for you when you can't but is there for moral support when you do. He wants you comfortable and happy. He wouldn't ever dare get in your way though, you're a lot stronger and braver than most may think you are.

The Relationship:

⠀⠀On days like this, Kirishima can't help but admire you. He catches himself staring wuite often but he just can't help it. What did he do to deserve such a beautiful partner? He looks at you and all he can think about is how much he loves you and wants to see you smile. He watched you from the kitchen island, leaning against it as you waltz around the kitchen in your pinky fuzzy slippers and one of his shirts that's much, much too big on you. He remembers your surprise when you found his clothing was actually too big on you and how happy you were.

⠀⠀"Maybell?" He hums, adjusting his stance and crossing his arms on the counter. He listened for you to him back in response, a smile on his lips. "You look so cute in my clothes.

⠀⠀You giggled, shaking your head and continued putting the dishes away until Eijirou appeared behind you, arms wrapping around your waist and his forehead coming down on your shoulder. "Need somethin' baby?" You turned your head just slightly, a brow cocked inquisitively. He squeezed you in response, swiftly lifting you and making you squeal. Thankfully you didn't have anything in your hands at the moment. He peppered kisses all over the side of your face, setting you down only to lift you again bridal style.

⠀⠀"I've got all I need right here in my arms." He chuckled and you playfully smacked his chest, letting him carry you to your shared bedroom.

Extra.

TICKLE FIGHTS.

He thinks your sneezes are the cutest thing in the world.

He loves your god awful puns, they crack him up every time.

Adores the fact you're a nurturer, especially with your friends. He thinks you'd make a great mother but if that's something you don't want he respects that.

You take care of everyone, but who takes care of you? Eijirou is always there to be your shoulder to lean and cry on, he's your sound board and is always happy to let you talk about your feelings with him. You're allowed to not be happy and bubbly all the time, he realizes how staying positive all the time can actually do more damage than goof, especially if you bottle everything up.

If on a particular day you're struggling with your speech he's happy to be your voice as well. He understands you better than anyone, even your own father.

Speaking of your father, he can't wait to make Eijirou his son-in-law! He's a good man with a good heart and treats you right, what's not to like?

He has trouble saying no to you and spoils you quite a bit.

The Fights:

...

Extra.

There's nothing, what you say goes and all he can say is "yes dear". He knows better than to argue with you, however when he's right and he knows he is, he finds a way to prove it without making you mad.

The Sex:

⠀⠀"Fuck baby—" he hissed, hands finding your hips and guiding you as you rub yourself on his cock. Your hands are on his thighs and your head is tossed back, giving him the perfect view of your tits. God he loves them, he loves the plush skin of your stomach and your thighs, your ass too, he loved seeing all of you. He was so happy that you allow him this privilege of seeing you, granted you've been dating a while now but still. Your sounds are music to his ears and all he wants is to make more, make you feel so good you're calling his name and making a mess.

He wanted— no, needed, to feel you, to feel inside your warm and wet cunt, to feel it squeeze him and milk him dry. He was quick to flip the two of you over, careful to not hurt you as he did. You gasped and giggled, reaching up to hold his face as he smiled, leaning down to capture your lips in a searing kiss. He loved your taste, he could go on and on about all the things he loved about you all day if he could. "You want it baby?" You nodded excitedly, lip caught between your teeth. He smirked and reached between the two of you, thick fingers tracing a line between your lips and slipping inside your soaked pussy.

"D-Daddy—" you whine, a slight pout on your lips as your face morphs into one of pleasure. He chuckled, pumping his fingers in and out a few times before removing them and grabbing his cock. He coated it more in your slick, guiding it between tge lips of your cunt before slowly pushing inside, groaning at how tight you are. You squeal of course, gasping for breath because Kirishima is an impressive size, you still struggled to take him sometimes but like a good girl you always managed.

"That's my good girl." He cooed, moving so his forearms were on either side of your head. He gave a couple test thrusts, waiting for you to adjust u til you nodded for him to continue.

Extra.

Terrified of activating his quirk while he's fucking you, but he keeps himself under control.

He loves his hair pulled and he loves to be bitten, he especially likes it when you scratch his back when he hits that good spot.

Eats you out for his pleasure mostly, but for yours as well. He loves when you grind on his face and moan his name when you do it. Speaking of, please sit on his face, he loves that shit. He knows how to be careful of his teeth!

If you have pets they CANNOT be in the same roon when you're doing the do, it's just weird.

He'd happily bend you over in the kitchen and do you right there. Hell, he'll fuck you anywhere you deem suitable.

He likes to do a mixture if praise and degradation with you, and edging and overstimulation is a big go-to. He just loves seeing you squirm under him, hr loves hearing you beg and say you need him.

[redditnosleep]

Leprechauns Are NOTHING Like The Way They're Portrayed In America

by Dariuspilgrim

I own a pub in Boston, but St. Patrick's Day is honestly my least favorite day of the year. Sure, it’s great for business; but I just can’t stand all the drunken assholes draped in green, swigging Guinness, filling the jukebox with Dropkick Murphys songs, and loudly proclaiming their Irish ancestry to anyone who will listen. “Plastic Paddies” we call call em’. The kind of people who go to Ireland as tourists and get mad that it isn’t “Irish” enough, as if they expect the entire island to be a theme park of stereotypes.

I just can’t stomach it. So I have a little tradition of my own. On March 17 of every year, I leave my pub in the capable hands of my manager, go to the LEAST Irish bar I can find, and spend the day alone getting drunk and watching NCAA tournament games.

This year I choose a little sushi bar in Chinatown. There’s a few green streamers above the bar and a Celtics poster on the wall, but that’s it. The music is quiet, the TVs even quieter. The staff barely speaks English; it’s perfect.

I settle into a stool, order a bud heavy, and stare at the TV. The bar is pretty much deserted. An asian couple sits a few seats to my left, sipping heineken and scarfing sushi. To my right, minding his own business all the way at the end of the bar, is a guy in a red hoodie with a glass of wine in front of him. It’s an idyllic setting to pass the time on my most hated holiday.

But my peace doesn’t last long. About a half hour in, the door to the bar bursts open and a parade of twenty-something women stream in. They’re all decked out in matching green “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” shirts, covered in green beads and wearing those headbands that look like alien antennas with shamrocks on the end of springs.

“Oh fer fucks sake,” I hear the man in the corner groan.

“Ohmigod...sushi and shots!” one of them yells, and they all start shrieking. The room breaks into chaos as fifteen women simultaneously try to explain how to make an Irish car bomb to a bartender who barely speaks English. Then the selfies start. They strike up a round of “Shipping Off to Boston,” … but the chorus is the only part of the song they know. And they sing it over, and over, and over while each of them takes turns filming for snapchat. They’re completely oblivious to anyone else in the restaurant.

I watch the asian couple to my left pay their bill and flee, and I’m ready to do the same, except I’ve just ordered a new beer and don’t want to waste it. One of the girls slams into the back of my chair as I’m trying to chug it down and I spill all over my shirt. No one apologizes or even acknowledges me. I pick up my beer and retreat to the corner, plopping down next to man in the red hoodie.

“Quite a crowd,” I say to him.

He scoffs: “Bunch of Manufactured Micks. These tarts couldn’t find Ireland on a map if their lives depended on it.” He speaks with a slight brogue.

“Are you Irish then?”

“Aye, I suppose you might say.”

“You don’t have much of an accent.”

He takes a sip of of his wine. “Been here a long time, long enough to lose most of it anyway.”

On the other side of the bar, one of the girls, now quite drunk, yells at the bartender to turn off the music. She plays “Kiss Me, I’m Shitfaced” at full volume from her phone speakers, and they try to sing along. None of them know the words.

“Oh, that shites terrible. No Irishman would listen to that. Plain awful that is.”

“I’m with you. Came here for some peace and quiet, but it seems the green terror follows me everywhere I go.”

“Man after me own heart. Sláinte,” he says, and we clink glasses. “Thing these young wans don’t realize is in Ireland, St. Patrick’s day is a solemn religious holiday, lacking in all this debauchery. Or at least it used to be. I hear they ham it up now to keep the tourists happy. They’ve americanized and Irish holiday in Ireland. Ironic, no?”

I nod.

“Not that I go in fer any of it,” he says. “It’s all a bunch of horse shit. ‘Saint’ Patrick… pah. He wasn’t even Irish! He was a bloody Roman citizen from the province of Britannia!”

“Don’t like the Catholics then?” I ask. “Are you Protestant? Is that why you aren’t wearing green?”

He spits on the floor. “You colorblind, mate? Does my shirt look orange? No. Catholic, Protestant… they’re all a bunch of cunts. I follow the old ways.”

“Sorry, I meant no offence. Let me buy you a drink,” I say. He nods. I wave over the bartender.

“Two more please?’

“...Two?” he says.

“Yeah, two. A bud for me and a wine for my friend here.”

“...OK.”

I turn back to my new friend in the red hood and extend my hand. “The name’s Sean,” I say. He shakes it.

“I’m Ólta.”

“That must be an Irish name?”

He laughs.

“It’s a Gaellic word, aye. Watch this though.” He nods to a young woman down the bar. She hoists a giant mug of Guinness and just as the glass reaches her lips, a leak springs in the side, pouring a fountain of the black stuff straight down her blouse. She screams, slams down the cup, and starts yelling at the bartender. Ólta and I have a good laugh.

“How did you know that was going to happen?”

“Because I caused it,” he snickers. That doesn’t make much sense, since he hasn’t moved from his stool, but I let it go. “So what do you do for a living, Sean?”

“I own a bar… an Irish pub actually. So this right here…” I wave my hand at the chaotic scene around us, “is my life 364 days a year. I’ve made it a personal tradition to escape on St. Paddy's and find a quiet bar to drink and watch the basketball games.”

“No joy this year, eh?”

“It’s pretty tough to get away from it in this city.”

Suddenly there’s a gleam in his eye. “Watch this,” he says. He nods at another drunken young woman. She leans back in her stool and the whole thing comes apart. She tumbles to the ground screaming. Her friends flock around her like geese and help her from the pile of broken stool and spilled Guinness. They start yelling at the bartender again, asking him what the hell kind of place he’s running. Ólta and I are cracking up.

“Well, this is proving far more entertaining than I expected… how about another round?” I ask.

“Aye, I’ll get this one.” He pulls a small red purse from his hoodie pocket. It looks like an old antique of some sort. From it he pulls a large silver coin which he slaps down on the bar. It’s covered in writing I cannot read.

“Uhh.. I don’t think they’ll accept that,” I say.

“No?” He waves his hand over the coin, and now it’s a fifty dollar bill. He slides it over to me.

“You’re just full of tricks, aren’t ya?”

“You have no idea,” he says smiling. “Another round, and how bout some shots of Bushmills. And tell him he can keep the change.”

I order. The bartender seems confused, but his apprehension disappears when I tell him the left over cash is his.

“And here’s the kicker,” says Ólta. His hand is on the bar. He lifts it to reveal the silver coin, still there under his palm. He flips it into the air and catches it in his purse, which he slides back into his hoodie pocket.

“How the hell did you do that?”

“Easy,” he says. “I’m a Clurichaun.”

I laugh, and decide to humor him. The Irish are known for their wit. “What is that, like a Leprechaun?”

“Why, are you after me lucky charms?” he says, chuckling.

“No, I--”

“Just kidding. No, mate. We’re different. Leprechauns are like our… cousins. We don’t mend shoes or grant wishes; instead we drink.” He raises his shot glass and downs it.

“But not Guinness? Or red ale or something?”

“You bloody Americans and your Guinness… No, that’s a myth. Ale is for peasants. You leave a pitcher of ale out for me and you’ll find all sorts of things start going wrong in your pub. We drink wine; have been for thousands of years. Grapes were the one good thing the Vikings brought with them.”

“I see… so, the pots of gold at the end of rainbows?”

“Another myth, obviously. Though Leprechauns do like themselves a hoard of gold. But try and take it from em’ and you’ll be in for a big surprise. They aren’t as cute and cuddly as the cartoons make them out to be.

“Leprechauns, Clurichauns, Far Darrig… we’re all Aos Sí--‘The Good Neighbors,’ the ‘Fair Folk’--like elves or fairies I suppose you call them here. Descended from the mighty Tuatha Dé Danann. Defeated and chased into exile in the mounds by the Milesians, your ancestors, the mortal forefathers of the Irish people. We are a majestic and noble race and… wait, watch this.”

He nods at the bartender, who holds a glass under the guinness tap. When he pulls the handle, the entire tap breaks apart and guinness shoots from it like a geyser, hitting the bartender in the face and sending him careening backward into the back bar. A cascade of bottles fall, shattering everywhere. Cooks and the manager come running out from the back and everyone is screaming at each other in Chinese and trying to stop the flow of guinness as the girls laugh and lean over the bar, refilling their glass from the raging spout.

“Oh yes, so very noble,” I say to my red hood-ied friend.

He shrugs. “Hey, gotta have a little fun once in awhile.”

“So, I see the mischief making part is no myth?”

“No mate, that’s best part.”

“So you’re a fairy?” I say.

“Well, not in the way you Americans use the word, but aye.”

“Aren’t you supposed to live in the Otherworld? Only visible at twilight on halloween or something?”

“Ohh, an educated man I see,” he says. “Mostly right, but I get a pass for St. Paddy’s. Something about reparations for the thousands of years or persecution and genocide perpetrated against my people by the Catholic church. And only those of Irish descent can see me. Which is why the bartender keeps looking at you funny every time you order two drinks.”

I had noticed that. This was starting to get very strange. “OK… if you say so. But, you’re a lot bigger than I expected.”

“Oh, I can shrink if I want to.”

“Shouldn’t you be wearing green and dancing a jig.”

“Few more of these,” he raises his wine glass, “and I’ll start twerking if you want me to. As for the wearing of green: it’s another common misconception. Trooping fairies wear green. Those flamboyant poofs, trouncing around in big processions wearing fancy costumes, ya ken?. Clurichauns are solitary fairies--like Leprechauns, Brownies, and Hobgoblins. Solitary fairies wear red. We’re the ones you don’t want to mess with. You takin’ notes boyo?”

“Riiiight,” I say. I stand up and put on my coat.

“Where ya goin’, mate?”

“It’s been fun, pal. But I really can’t listen to any more of your delusional bullshit. It was entertaining for awhile, but you’re clearly insane. I’m going to go check on my bar, and then I’m going home to sleep off this buzz. You have yourself a great evening.”

“Well, great. Let’s go,” he says and stands up from his stool. He’s got to be four-foot-eleven at the very most.

“Where do you think your going?”

“I’m coming with you of course.”

“Oh no you’re not.”

“I most certainly am. You seem like a good bloke, and you’ve got a pub! Sounds like I’ve found my new home. Make sure you leave a bottle of red wine uncorked for me every night, and no cheap shite! I’m talking top shelf. And I’ll take my dinner at 8PM, sharp like. I prefer beef, but mutton will do in a pinch.”

“Whatever pal,” I say and walk out the door, letting it slam shut behind.

Ólta walks right through the door and matches my pace.

“Listen, you won’t be coming anywhere near my bar.”

“Oh yeah?” he says smiling. “Just try and stop me.”