#Tim also gets to hit jason with the van once<3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[theresamouseinmyhouse]

How many times should I let Cass hit Jason with Blackbird the Van? I was thinking at least three times

[jules-has-notes]

Aca Top 10: Disney Sidekicks — VoicePlay music video

Triumph often requires teamwork. Disney heroes take big risks and achieve great things, but they wouldn't get very far without their trusty sidekicks. Whether they're providing a pep talk, sage advice, or a simple moment of comic relief, those supporting characters are among the most cherished by fans. So grab a buddy and enjoy this medley of feel-good songs.

Details:

title: Aca Top 10 – Disney Sidekicks

original songs / performers: [0:20] "When You Wish Upon a Star" by Cliff Edwards as Jiminy Cricket in Pinocchio (1940); [0:34] "Be Our Guest" by Jerry Orbach as Lumiere in Beauty and the Beast (1991); [0:52] "Heigh-Ho" by the cast of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves (1937); [1:02] "Hakuna Matata" by Nathan Lane as Timon, Ernie Sabella as Pumba, & Jason Weaver as Simba in The Lion King (1994); [1:14] "Bare Necessities" by Phil Harris as Baloo & Bruce Reitherman as Mowgli in The Jungle Book (1967); [1:33] "Under the Sea" by Samuel Wright as Sebastian in The Little Mermaid (1989); [1:52] "In Summer" by Josh Gad as Olaf in Frozen (2013); [2:22] "Chim Chim Cher-ee" by Dick Van Dyke as Burt in Mary Poppins (1964); [2:41] "You're Welcome" by Dwayne Johnson as Maui in Moana (2016); [3:01] "Friend Like Me" by Robin Williams as the Genie in Aladdin (1992)

written by: "When You Wish Upon a Star" by Leigh Harline & Ned Washington; "Be Our Guest" by Howard Ashman & Alan Menken; "Heigh-Ho" by Frank Churchill & Larry Morey; "Hakuna Matata" by Elton John & Tim Rice; "Bare Necessities" by Terry Gilkyson; "Under the Sea" by Alan Menken & Howard Ashman; "In Summer" by Kristen Anderson-Lopez & Robert Lopez; "Chim Chim Cher-ee" by Robert B. Sherman & Richard M. Sherman; "You're Welcome" by Lin-Manuel Miranda; "Friend Like Me" by Howard Ashman & Alan Menken

arranged by: Geoff Castellucci, Eli Jacobson, & Layne Stein

release date: 10 August 2018

My favorite bits:

Geoff's intro narration, and the other guys' reactions

the rising harmonies on ♫ "they will come to" ♫

giving "Heigh-Ho" a little "Hip Hop Hooray" flavor

J.None taking over the bass line while Geoff sings lead for "Bare Necessities"

Eli and Earl singing ♫ "settle down now" ♫ instead of "rest at ease" with two different connotations — Eli: "Take a nice break." Earl: "Calm down, dude."

J's saucy little ♫ "Uh oh!" ♫ in "Under the Sea"

that pitch perfect Olaf impression from Eli ☃️

🥕 ♫ "a-buh-buh-buh Mountain Dew" ♫ 🥕

Layne's michievous expression after Geoff swipes his carrot

the back row swaying in time to "Chim Chim Cher-ee"

Earl's affronted expression when J starts singing Maui's part

those horn hits from Eli and Earl 🎺

Layne retaliating for the carrot theft by recreating the Genie's raspberry toward Geoff

Trivia:

○ VoicePlay had previously recorded several of the songs included in this medley, mostly on their Disney-centric album, "Once Upon an Ever After".

"When You Wish Upon a Star" is the second-to-last track on "OUaEA", and moseys through several fun rhythmic variations.

"Be Our Guest" is the opening segment of their Beauty and the Beast medley, Tale As Old As Time. They also made a short video for it, which was one of the earliest on their YouTube channel.

"Hakuna Matata" is part of The King Has Returned, a Lion King medley.

"Friend Like Me" is the closing portion of their Aladdin medley, Diamond in the Rough. It's also the first non-promotional video on the VoicePlay YouTube channel after their name change.

"You're Welcome" was included in their "Moana medley" with Rachel Potter the year before.

○ Since this video was released, the guys have recorded newer versions of a few more songs.

An excerpt of "Under the Sea" was included in their "Little Mermaid medley" with Rachel Potter.

They got back to their roots for a barbershop tag of "When You Wish Upon a Star" in the summer of 2023.

Geoff made a multi-tracked version of "Bare Necessities" as the first music video on his personal channels in 2020.

○ The YouTube description asserts that "No carrots were harmed in the making of this video. Except that one. That one was hurt over and over and over and over…" 😆

○ The guys are once again all wearing thematically appropriate shirts.

Eli — Timon the meerkat from The Lion King with his hands on his hips, in front of a white striped circle with a teal border and "nope" in teal letters beneath

Earl — silhouette of Yondu from Guardians of the Galaxy composed of the words "I'm Mary Poppins, y'all" in blue text with his crest in red

J.None — tall white letters reading "lit" with a gold outline of Lumiere the candelabra from Beauty and the Beast striking a dramatic pose

Geoff — Olaf the snowman from Frozen floating in a lake with "chillin'" in white letters beneath

Layne — classic Mickey Mouse and Pluto posing together, with Mickey's arm around Pluto's shoulders

○ This is the second in a mini-series within their "Aca Top 10" series, which was preceded by "Disney Heroes" the previous autumn, and followed by "Disney Villains" the next spring.

○ Geoff, Earl, & J.None's selfie posing was caught on video & posted to Twitter.

○ The guys also took individual selfies with their pal Rek who was doing production work behind the scenes.

○ The inclusion of Olaf's song resulted in many carrot-based shenanigans during the filming. Little did they know it would be the beginning of a running joke that persists to this day, particularly when J comes back to town.

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[stressedoutcanary]

Hold On - Jason Todd x Batgirl!Reader [PART 2]

WORD COUNT :- 2.3k

Warnings ⚠️: I don't even know if there are any...Swearing maybe?, mentions of kidnappings, actual kidnapping oh and also violence and angst :)

A/N 😋: I got lost while writing this so judge accordingly people. Also forgive me for any mistakes. I TRIED.

Part 1 , Part 3

•°•°•°•°

“JASON STOP!!!!!”, your voice echoed in the silent warehouse.

Jason stopped in his tracks as soon as he heard your voice, his mind was brimming with thoughts, questions and worst of all, emotions.

“Well, well, well, look who crawled out of her little cave”, He said smugly as he finally turned around to face you. The voice was his, you’d recognize that voice anywhere but it felt cold, devoid of emotions, hearing him like that sent a shiver up your spine. You could feel your determination slipping.

Even though you had your cowl on, Jason could still see how much his rampage was hurting you but he couldn’t stop now, not when all he had left to do was to capture Joker, beat the living shit out of that asshole and show Bruce how much of a failure Batman’s moral compass really is.

“Well? Got nothing to say now?... Why am I not surprised?”, Jason scoffed.

You took a deep breath, you were breaking down inside but you sure as hell weren’t going to let that stop you. You spoke, voice barely above a whisper,  “Jason...Jay...Stop all this...Please, come home, come back to the--”

“Manor? Home? Did you hit your head (Y/N)? Why in the hell would I ever go back to a place where NOBODY GAVE A DAMN ABOUT ME, WHERE HE REPLACED ME AS IF I MEANT NOTHING?!”, Jason didn’t want to lose control of himself, not in front of you. So with visible effort he calmed himself down, took a step forward and gave you a deadpan look.

“You all left me”

Your blood boiled at that statement.

“How dare you?! We lost you! We mourned for you! I mourned for you!”

Tears welled up in your eyes, listening to him you wondered whether he truly believed the words actually coming out of his own mouth.

“The Jason I knew was a roughed up street boy who still cared when many didn't, who called Bruce out every step of the way, who had this ridiculous favoritism for bread, who had the guts to take out a tire from the fricking Batmobile”, despite the dreadful situation you smiled remembering those sweet memories.

You looked him in the eye, pleading in a way, and you spoke softly, “The Jason I knew was The Robin to my Batgirl. This-this is just not who you are Jay, not really...So can you just stop?”

He looked unfazed by your words and cocked his head to the side.

“Princess, the only way you can stop me is if you fight me, knock me down real hard, make sure that I won't get back up again. Tell me Batgirl, can you do it? Do you actually have what it takes?”, he waited for an answer he knew wasn’t coming. As expected, all he was met with was silence.

Long, Painful Silence.

With that Jason knew what he had to do, he put on his red helmet and swung out of the nearest window, you couldn't stop him, for all your big talk, you just couldn't. He was right you failed him.

•°•°

You jumped awake with a start, bolting upright and immediately regretting your subconscious decision, the throbbing pain made you clutch the back of your head with your palm and you closed your eyes again to achieve some semblance of reality as a way of grounding yourself.

‘It was just a dream (Y/N)…just...a...dream’

You tried to lie to yourself knowing deep down that it was a memory, something you have already lived through, something you regret everyday. You swallowed the lump in your throat. It felt dry and your whole body was sore. You really should've called in early and then maybe Dick would've been the one stuck in this crapy situation and not you.

Pushing past your perplexed state you got up and took in your surroundings, there were vines hanging from the open roof, a LOT of flowers and some Venus flytraps by the corner. It wouldn’t even take being a detective to figure out where you were; The Botanical Gardens.

“How the hell did I end up here”, you muttered under your breath. This was getting out of hands.

“See Pammy I told ya Girl-Bat would rise and shine by now”

“I can see that Harls”

‘Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn, just great, is nobody in Arkham these days’

The duo descended down from the open roof through one of the vines and stood in front of you. Harley looked as happy as a 10 year old about to get their favorite toy and Ivy seemed to be interested in anything and everything that did not concern you. Classic.

“Why the hell did you both kidnap me?”

You jumped forward and grabbed Harley by the collar of her dress, in retrospect it wasn't the best move but it's not like you were thinking straight at the time anyway.

A vine wrapped itself around your waist and you were tugged back by such force that you were sure there was gonna be a big bruise there tomorrow. You skidded across the floor and finally stopped when your back connected with a bench. You were just too drained to fight back so instead you just crawled up and sat on the bench with a grunt.

‘Not fighting my way out of this one so for once let’s try talking’

“Whoa, should ya really be this obnoxious when ya got a concussion?”, Harley burst your thought bubble as she looked you over.

“Wait, Did you just call me obnoxious?!”

“But don'tcha worry I am a doctor and I got a PhD”

“In psychology!”

“I will fix ya in no time”

“Are you even listening to me?”

Just like that you saw Harley leave the room to go get some medical supplies, or well at least you thought that that's what she was going to do, you turned your face towards Ivy hoping that she can fill in the blanks.

“So you both finally done babbling? And here I thought it was never going to end.”, She looked at you from where she was petting her plant, and made her way over to you, something about her seemed genuine. You got the feeling that whatever she had to say, it won't be a lie.

“Try and not mind what Harley does, she's just happy to make new friends for girls night.” She sighed before continuing, “As for your question, last night we were near the Gotham Central Park when we saw a masked man dragging your unconscious body out of a building and into a van parked in the alley, so we kil-- we took care of him and brought you here”, She shrugged as if that explains why the Poison Ivy just saved your life.

"Wait that means Red isn't here", you whispered more to yourself than to others.

“Pam is Red!”, Harley said cheerfully as she came back out nowhere with a bunch of boxes which would've made you very uneasy if your mind wasn't already preoccupied.

“What Harley means to say is that if you are trying to ask about that gun loving leather jacket vigilante who wears a red helmet, then no we don't know where he is”

Her words sunk in and yesterday's memories flashed in your mind, your eyes widened under your mask as the realization hit you like a bus.

The missing people, the creepy mannequins, the medical journals regarding surgeries, the weirdo in the white mask instead of a face, the poster of some Pretty Dolls parlor; Now it all makes sense!

“Pyg!”

"Huh?", the women in front of you almost jumped at your sudden revelation.

“Lazlo Valentin aka Professor Pyg that's the son of a bitch who is behind all this mess, he's the one who has got Red Hood And it's all my fault! Now, He might be dead already! I should've known, I-I should've figured it out quicker, I should've done something, DAMN IT!!”, you buried you face in your hands due to the building frustration within you.

“Don't be like that”, you heard Harley's voice as a hand was placed on your shoulder, she sat down on the bench next to you, you turned your head and eyed her warily, seeing nothing but concern.

“Don't give up. Clearly this Hoodie person means a lot to ya so you get off your ass and go get him, don't you Bat People always find a way”, you looked at her for a moment, then jumped up on your feet.

“Can't believe I am saying this but you are right Harley, I need go and I will find a way to save him, but before leaving I wanna know something”, you looked Ivy in the eyes as you worded your next sentence, “Why save me?”

“It was just my way of replaying you for saving Harls from that clown once”, instead of elaborating Ivy just crossed her hands over her chest waiting for you to leave. You gave her a warm smile, something they are not used to seeing, from a bat of all people.

“Thank you Pamela”

With that you were out of that detour and onto finding the path leading up to Jason.

•°•°

Somehow you reached the safe house without running into some kind of trouble, with how your day has been going, you were completely expecting something else to go wrong. Thankfully it didn't. You took out a spare comms unit, keys for your bike and some aspirin to dull the headache.

Soon you were whizzing past vehicles at full speed triying to contact anyone available at the moment.

“Come on pick up, pick up, pick up! What's the meaning of giving us an emergency button when no one picks the damn thing up”, you spoke into a dead line, wishing you could just bang your head against a wall, on second thought not a good idea.

Two minutes later the call was finally picked up and a screen appeared on the dash of your bike, it was from the batcave and you could see Dick, Damian and Bruce in sitting in front of the computer, Tim was connected from what you assumed to be the titans tower. However Dick was the first one to pop the question.

“(Y/N) what's the emergency? Are you okay? We haven't heard from you since last night”

“Look no time to explain. Jason's been taken by Pyg and I need you guys to give me a location. Now”, you said gritting your teeth as you narrowly missed a truck for the second time this evening.

“Todd's captured? *tt* his incompetence precedes that of Drake”, Damian's snarky remark made Tim snap his head up.

“Hey!”

“Boys”, Bruce's stern voice made them quiet enough for the time being, “Batgirl you are injured and your emotions can compromise the whole rescue, go back to the safe house and let us handle this”, Bruce ended the transmission and it made you angry.

'He said that they are going to handle it, that means they know where he is, so now all I have to do is to get Dick to spill it out'

You dialed Dick back, hoping he would understand what you are trying to do.

“I know why you specifically choose to call me back and No I am not letting you go head first into danger without any of us with you especially when you are compromised”, Dick's tone was stern but laced with concern.

“Dick the last time Bruce said he will handle it, Jason died, look I know what he is trying to say, I get him, I can't blame him for wanting to look after me but you have to understand I have to be the one to get him back”

“Why?!”

“Because I can't lose him again! The last thing that I said to him was that I might never forgive him! Never forgive him for something that's not even his fault! You are my only hope at getting him back, please don't take that away from me, please”, you pleaded with him as you slowed down the bike to a stop.

The line was silent for a while, the thought about saying more to him crossed your mind; what you are feeling about Jason, how much he matters to you, how you've failed him more than once, but ultimately decided against it and instead you just waited for his reply.

You deflated as soon as you realized that the line was cut but the ping of a notification caught your attention; The map to the possible location of Jason.

“Dick Grayson, you big softie”, you smirked, your bike roared as you made your way on to the free way heading fast towards the Gotham outskirts.

Meanwhile at Professor Pyg's 'supervillain headquarters' :

Jason slowly woke up, assessing the situation he quickly came to the conclusion that he messed up and now he is tied up to what seems like dentist's chair.

“Great, there has got to be a new record I've set in this family for messing up and getting kidnapped”, Jason muttered under his breath, he tried to tug at his restraints to get free but it turned out to be fruitless. A blinding light was switch on above him and he grunted due to the intensity.

“Man, what is up with you people and light?! Turn it off already!”, Jason said as he tried to adjust his eyes accordingly, when he came to, he was met with his captor himself.

Jason just stared at the man in front, moving towards him, wearing a pig mask and holding a butcher knife. He has seen enough crazy but this guy might just rival the Joker himself.

“Pyg know you broken. Pyg make you perfect”

“WHAT THE F--”

°•°•°•°•

(I like to think I am funny)

Cute little extra note: Yes it is the second time I'm leaving you guys hanging and NOPE I do not regret my decision.

Tagging: @ladyperceval

[itzagothamcitysiren]

Welcome to the Family

I’ve finished writing this installment offically and eeepppp, I’m excited :) I also figured out where I want to go with this, starting to feel like that each installment is getting pretty formulaic and that another thing I’m excited about. I love Jason and I love setting Halley up during his Robin years BUT I also miss writing Tim and Damian like in my Mother’s Day 3-parter sooooo I’ve made a plan and can’t wait to start writing and posting it! 

Also I’ve never done any requests or stuff like that before, but if there was anything you guys wanted to see happen in this don’t be afraid to ask! 

You’re Taking Up a Fraction of My Mind pt.5

           Jason was hell-bent on proving himself to Dick; he was going to make that prick eat his words and admit that he was wrong about him by the end of the night. He knew what he was doing and wasn’t just some dumb knock-off version of him. Too prove he knew how to get a handle of situations like these, he decided on going with a full frontal assault, landing onto the roof of the bank and rolling safely into a standing position. He saw the sky light, walking to the edge of where the cement roof met the glass and looked in.

           Two-Face stood off directing his goons on where to go, watching as they raided the bank. Goons walked towards the back of the lobby, most likely making their way to the vaults. Robin noted how the alarms weren’t going off already being disabled. He knew that Gordon would probably be sending units this way regardless being tipped off and Batman saying he’d deal with it; someone had to clean up their mess once they were done doing the cop’s jobs. This whole thing started to give Robin a strange feeling. It was too easy almost. Why would Two-Face tip them off like this?  He shrugged it off, preparing himself to break through the glass-

           “Are you stupid?” Nightwing gapped at him, pulling him back by his cape. “Going in alone? Ahead of me? All of them are armed, you’d be gunned down the moment you touched the floor. What were you thinking?” Nightwing let him go, pretty sure he wouldn’t try anything now. He pointed to the ledge of the roof. “We climb down, enter from a window a floor above them and sneak ourselves in, take them by surprise, hopefully not all at once.”

           Nightwing didn’t give him a second to fight him on the plan, shoving him away from the sky light and towards the ledge, out of sight; if any of them below looked up they would’ve clearly seen Robin’s silhouette. Nightwing rolled his eyes as Robin huffed. The boy relented as he followed Nightwing down the building, landing on the fire escape a floor down. Nightwing was able to shimmy the window up with a tool from his belt and slowly lifted it, letting Robin go in first. He slipped in behind him, gently closing the window once his body was inside the office room.

           He took a few steps to get in front of him, moving in the shadows as they crept out of the room and into the hallway. They exited the hallway and were met with a balcony where you could see the lobby area of the bank down below. A man who appeared to be keeping watch of bellow stood a little ways away from them, still oblivious to the two intruders. Nightwing put a finger over his lips, silently telling Robin to stay silent and still as he moved forward.

           On the balls of his heels he crept in the shadows behind the man. When he was behind him, he reached a hand up to cover his mouth, the other arm wrapped around his neck, cutting off his airways. He backed them up away from the railing and back into the shadows of the hallway. Once he was sure the man was out like a light but still breathing, Nightwing carefully laid him to rest against the wall. He grabbed his gun and quickly took it apart so it’d be unusable.  

           He motioned with his hand for Robin to follow him now, speaking softly, “We take the stairs to the vault, take out the ones inside there first, then go to the lobby for the rest.” He signaled to the stairwell that led down to the vaults.

           Robin for once nodded, not talking back or doing his own thing first, following Nightwing as they carefully crept down below. He wanted to protest, but he had no other plan ready to pitch and he was prime in bitterness about the roof. He felt his chest tighten when he followed Nightwing into the next hallway where there had been the stairs to get the vaults; he really hated taking orders from him.

           “Hello boys,” Nightwing smirked when they reached the bottom of the stairs and away from the lobby above. He smirked when the henchman noticed them and jumped. Where all henchman so stupid? Yes, yes they were, Nightwing chuckled to himself, “Let’s dance,” He quipped, causing Robin to pretend to barf.

           Nightwing took the lead, taking his escrima sticks out, letting electricity crackle out from the tips. Jumping in he began his attack, using his weapon to smack against the back of a man’s neck while the other jabbed into another’s stomach. He moved fast, ducking and dodging bullets that flew at him, kicking guns out of hands and swiftly taking out his own set of thugs. He didn’t rely too much on gadgets, using his speed and agility to take down his opponents.

           In the middle of the fight he looked up to check on Robin. He was faring just as well, not as fast as Nightwing but his hits were more brutish, the impact of his fists causing the man he knocked down to spit out a tooth. When the enemy appeared to start to get the jump on him, he’d reach to his utility belt, pulling smoke pellets, slamming them down onto the floor, covering his area of the room in smoke. This gave him the advantage, continuing to let him punch out the men coming after him.

           The boys breathe in heavily once the room was filled with either unconscious or groaning men, the smoke clearing. “They’re not getting up anytime soon,” Robin smirked, fixing his glove.

           “Yeah,” Nightwing jeered, noting what Bruce meant about Jason’s fighting being rough.

           “What did I do now?” Jason could sense the sneer in Dick’s tone, placing his hands on his hips in annoyance. “Seriously, there’s no pleasing you is there?”

           “Don’t you think this is a little overkill?” Nightwing motioned to the men surrounding Jason on the floor. He looked to Jason before making his way towards the stairs, knowing that the gunshots must’ve already alerted everyone on the main floor.

           “I really don’t know why you guys harp so hard on going easy on them. They’re the bad guys.” Jason glared at the back of Dick’s head as he followed.

           “They are the bad guys,” Dick nodded in agreement but his voice was softer as he waited to jump back into action. “But we’re the good guys, so you should start acting like it.”

           With that Dick jumped into the room, cartwheeling right into his first goon of the room. He easily ripped the gun out of his hand, slapping the bag filled with money away as well. He kicked the man away moving to the next. He could hear Harvey shouting for his men to kill the two vigilante’s while he began to make his way to the door, grabbing whatever bags filled with cash he could hold. He looked surprised to see them. He bellowed for his men not already engaged in the fight, ordering them to grab whatever they could and get to the vans but he stopped when he saw flashing blue and red lights flashing from outside the tall glass windows and door of the bank.

           Robin saw this and ran past Nightwing determined to prevent Two-Face from escaping. He took out anyone who stood in his way, bashing in kneecaps and smashing fists into faces. He mowed them down, feeling adrenaline pumping through his veins as he got closer and closer to Two-Face. Taking out a batarang, he threw it, aiming and hitting his target. Two-Face was forced to drop the bag of cash in his hand as the blade of the batarang grazed his hand. He whipped his head around to look at the Robin, both of his faces enraged.

           “Ew, you’re as ugly in person as I thought.” Robin mocked disgust, having never had the pleasure of meeting Harvey Dent yet. “And, I gotta say, this plan was pretty lame; I thought you’d be somewhat smarter. You literally told us where you were going to be. It’s like you wanted to go back to Arkham.”

           “What are you talking about kid?” Two-Face sneered, pointing his gun out to aim at him.

           “The envelope you sent to the police station? You wrote the addresses of where you were going to be. Are you so stupid that you already forgot?” Robin laughed, leaping into the air to avoid the bullet Two-Face sent his way. “Hey, don’t be salty, it’s your own fault you got caught!” He taunted, enjoying the frustrated look on the villain’s face as he rolled out of the way of another shot.

           Harvey yelled out as the kid kept dodging his shots, switching over to his machine gun that rested on a strap around his torso, opening fire. Where did Batman get all these kid’s from? He had no idea what the kid was talking about, “I don’t know what you’re talking about kid,”

           Robin puffed, nearly getting hit this time but jumped behind a counter at the last second. Two-Face’s voice was thick with aggravation as he grunted, hearing his gun click. Empty, he hissed, quickly reaching for his suit for a reload. Robin peeked his head over the counter, hearing his hesitation. He took the chance to jump out from his hiding place just as Nightwing finished taking down the last of the goons. Nightwing saw his mistake before Robin did and wasn’t all that surprised. The boy just kept proving that he was impulsive. He didn’t even bother trying to call out for him to stop instead raced to get to the pair as Robin reached Two-Face.

           Robin kicked the machine gun out of his grasp, the force making him falter and hit the ground. As he was down Robin socked him right in the jaw when his feet touched the ground. Two-Face didn’t stay down for long, pushing himself up, recovering quickly as he pulled a second pistol he had concealed inside his coat pocket. He brought it up to jab into the underside of Robin’s chin, cocking it to let him know he would shot if he moved or try anything. Robin raised his hands up to signal that he wouldn’t, the metal cold against his skin.

           Dent pulled him to his chest, so that they both face Nightwing, the gun now digging into the side of Robin’s head. Nightwing dropped his escrima’s knowing not to test Two-Face. He still remembered one of his first encounters with the villain as Robin. He’d been captured and beaten near to death; Two-Face was unhinged and had no problem hurting kids, especially Batman’s.

           “Now, Nightwing, you’re going to let me walk out of here,” He said, saying his name like it was a joke. He had a no-nonsense tone to his voice as he continued, “Or else I’ll shoot the kid.” He started to back away, making Robin fall back with him.

           Robin opened his mouth to talk, already seeing the look Nightwing shot him to shut the hell up. This kid was a real piece of work, Nightwing noted, his mind rushing to think of a way out of this situation that didn’t end with Robin with a bullet hole in his skull. What he didn’t know was that Robin already had a way out and his mouth was needed for it to work. He had a look of exasperation on his face as he let out a huff.

           “You know, taking me as a hostage is probably the only good idea you’ve had all night-,”

           “Kid, I will shoot you.” Dent hissed, knowing Robins were known for their mouths.

           “Oh, no, I know you will.” Robin nodded, “But I really don’t think that’s a good idea and I swear I’m not saying that to just save my neck.” He continued not biting his tongue. “I just don’t think Batman would try anything funny if you had a hostage, me especially, I’m kinda his favorite now.” He eyed Dick as he let the dig slip out. Feeling spiteful at Dick’s unimpressed and clueless face, another lightbulb lit in his head. “Ha! I’m also the second Robin, and don’t you have some sort of 2 fetish?” Robin moved his taunts back to his captor, feeling the grip the man had on him tightening in anger.

           “You little shi-,” Two-Face started but didn’t get to finish.

           Robin moved quick, using the distracted state against him and heaving him up and over his shoulders. He let out a breath as he flipped him up and onto the floor. Kneeling down in one swift movement to hold down the hand with the pistol and dealing him a hard punch in the face, rendering him unconscious. He throw the gun aside, rubbing his hands together as he saw Two-Face out cold.

           He felt pumped by his take down, almost jumping in place from excitement. He single handedly took down Two-Face, if Batman had only seen that. His self-celebration was cut short as he heard heavy footsteps approaching. It was Nightwing of course and he didn’t look pleased. Please, he’s just jealous he didn’t get to punch Two-Face in the face, Jason smirked, as he got closer.

           “That was incredibly stupid.” Nightwing said, kneeling down to make sure Two-Face was really out. When he was pleased that he was he stood back up, towering over the boy. “What if he pulled the trigger while you were taking him down?”

           “Then we wouldn’t be having this conversation.” Robin laughed, rolling his eyes as Nightwing made a fussy face.

           “That trick might’ve worked on him, but it wouldn’t work on someone like the Bane or Joker, hell, you’re lucky that it even worked on Dent.” Nightwing chastised, as the doors of the bank were flung open, revealing the GCPD; of course they show up once the fighting’s done. Nightwing rolled his eyes, leading Robin out of the building as the cops began handcuffing those inside. “That was pure luck nothing else. Don’t let it get to your head.”

           Robin rolled his own eyes again, sick of Dick’s nagging. Once they were outside they noticed Batman arriving as well, going to talk to Gordon who also just showed up. The pair made their way to the two, seeing Gordon moving away to take a phone call. Batman saw the two boys approaching, giving them a curt nod, silently telling them good work.

           “Dammit,” Gordon’s voice took their attention. He quickly hung up the phone, shooting Batman a pissed off look. “There’s been an incident at Arkham, Harley broke Joker out.”

           Batman’s eyes narrowed at the news, turning to look at the bank. Harvey was being dragged out by officers. He looked back to Gordon before looking to Nightwing. Robin bit his lip, feeling rage take over him. Harvey’s words echoing in his head. He hadn’t sent the envelope to the police and Batman; he’s been set up and they played into it. The Joker must’ve somehow found out about the robbery. He did have his goons set up all over the place, he probably had Harley set some up inside Batman’s Rogue’s ranks.

           Jason wanted to groan, realizing what that would mean. He looked at Dick, as he and Batman began to discuss with Gordon how best to track the Joker down. He had said it first, back at the police station. Dick was right, the Joker did in fact send the envelope.

[my-one-love-is-music]

It Takes Two ch. 5

Super psyched for this chapter!!!

Enjoy!

<3 MOLIM

Also on AO3!

Tim yawned as his alarm blared in his ear. He flung his hand around to turn it off and smacked the table. He hit the edge of his phone and launched it into his face because that was his life.

“Son of a bitch!” Tim gasped, clutching at his nose. His alarm was still screaming at him from where it landed on his pillow. He flailed around in bed as the pain slowly faded and the sound of his ringtone drowned out his alarm.

He reached for it and answered without looking at the caller ID.

“Hewwo?” he asked, voiced muffled by his hands.

“What the hell are you doing this early in the morning? I didn’t ask for a wakeup call! Damn, what did you do?” Jason spat over the phone.

“I di-in’t dowit on purpose!” he objected. “M’ phone ‘it me in the face.”

“Well can you not do that? And what’s wrong with your voice?”

“Shut it!” Tim hissed, taking his hands from his nose. He sat up and picked up his phone. “And I told you, I didn’t do it on purpose. I was just trying to turn off my alarm not launch a cellular attack on my nose.”

“Well it’s too early! Why are you up so early and not sleeping?!” he asked.

Tim rubbed the sleep from his eyes. “I need to do more research on Robert Anderson. We’re not just going to magically track him down. There is still work involved. Or have you forgotten?”

“I haven’t forgotten. But you could’ve slept in a little longer. At least until you’re not in danger of hurting yourself by turning off your alarm.”

“It’s too late, I’m already awake and now I need to fill my veins with coffee. You can go back to sleep all you like, but I have work to do.” He shuffled out of the bedroom and toward his kitchen.

“You’re going to kill yourself doing this one day,” Jason grumbled. “And it’s too late. You’ve woken me up past the point of going back to sleep.”

Tim snorted as he started the coffee pot. “I highly doubt that. I’m sure you have impeccable napping abilities and will be able to pass out again as soon as you hang up.”

“That may be true, but who knows what other trouble you’re going to get in now that you’re awake? I’d rather not get woken up as rudely as I just was.”

“If I promise not to intentionally hurt myself will that put you at ease?”

“Nope!” Jason answered cheerfully.

“Why not?”

“Because you end up doing lots of things even if you don’t do them on purpose. I’m surprised you haven’t been locked in a padded room for your own safety yet. I for sure would’ve thought that Dick would’ve attempted that at some point.”

“Who says they haven’t tried?” Tim asked, grinning.

“Wait…have they really? Wait…do I even want to know the answer to that?”

“I don’t know? Do you?” Tim pulled down a clean mug and threw in a spoonful of sugar and splash of creamer as the pot finished.

“I’m not sure if I’d like the answer or not,” Jason mused.

“You probably wouldn’t,” Tim said, taking a sip of his coffee and sighing happily. Now he could really get to work. The caffeine hadn’t kicked in yet, but the fact that he knew it was coming was going to make everything easier. He sat down on his couch and powered up his laptop, setting his coffee on one side of his computer and he put his phone on speaker before setting it on the other side.

“You’re about to start ignoring me in favor of working, aren’t you?” Jason asked.

“Now what makes you think that?” Tim asked innocently.

“Because I can hear the sounds of you tapping away on your computer and that means your research has begun.” He sighed and it crackled through the speaker. “Have fun looking up information about our new favorite person. Let me know what you find. And don’t try to hurt yourself. I’d rather limit the amount of rude awakenings I have to deal with from you.”

Tim rolled his eyes. “Yeah, yeah. Don’t speak too soon.”

“Speak too soon? I haven’t once accidentally hurt myself since we’ve had this link!”

“Yes, well…” Tim grumbled because he couldn’t very well argue Jason’s point.

Jason snickered. “I’ll let you get back to this all important research that you’re quickly going to become obsessed with. Text me if you find anything. And don’t hurt yourself.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Tim muttered, ending the call before Jason could say anything else.

He pulled up the website for the new hospital that had been built when the old one was shut down. He hacked into the system quickly, finding few safeguards this time around. It looked like they didn’t expect many people to come looking through their records, but common criminals usually didn’t spend time hacking into hospital databases. And those who wanted to actually get into the hospitals did so for other reasons and didn’t waste time when they could just go in with a gun and get their way.

Tim pulled up the employee records, bypassing the added level of security put in front of them and got in easily. Unlike his experience with the last hospital, there was nothing hidden in the interface that was trying to hack him back to get his location and personal information. Not that Tim was going to let them get in that easily even if they did.

“So they obviously didn’t transfer the program to this new place,” he said, voice barely a whisper.

It made sense since it was deemed a failure at the last hospital. The people who had funded it probably didn’t want to experience a similar scandal or didn’t want to have to deal with the level of secrecy around the patients that they’d had to set up before. It would’ve been more risky operating in the new hospital with the size of it and the influx of patients and employees that were brought in. More questions would’ve been asked. There would’ve been a bigger chance of someone stumbling into something that they weren’t supposed to know anything about and leaking confidential information if they couldn’t be stopped.

Tim scrolled through the employee records, quickly scanning the names and already suspecting what he would find there. Or what he wouldn’t find there. Rather than having to scroll through each employee name, he was able to search through the entirety of the records. He typed in ‘Robert Anderson’ and wasn’t surprised when nothing came back on him.

He leaned back against the couch to give himself a minute to think. He hadn’t known if Anderson had actually made the transfer to the new hospital when he’d started gathering information. That had merely been an assumption on his part. One that seemed foolish at that point with everything else that they’d learned.

Tim opened the file that he’d saved of the records from the original hospital. He scrolled through them, but still couldn’t find his file even with the new name.

“What the fuck?” he growled. He was sorely tempted to throw his computer across the room. And then he was horrified that he’d even allowed himself to have that thought.

“Okay, okay,” Tim said, trying to calm himself down. “So his file isn’t listed in the hospital records. I can work around that, no big deal. I just have to get a little more creative which shouldn’t be a problem because I’m fucking Tim Drake and I can do whatever the hell I want because no firewall can stop me and now I sound like a complete idiot talking to myself. Jesus, what is going on with me?!”

He ran a hand through his hair roughly. “At least I can content myself with the fact that there’s no one here to witness this… That would just be embarrassing. Jason would probably never let this one go. It would just give him more of a basis for why I should be locked in a padded room and never let out.”

Tim drummed his fingers on the tabletop and sighed. “I guess the least I can do is start with a generic search for this guy. Maybe I’ll get lucky and actually stumble upon something without having to do much legwork.”

He opened a new tab and pulled up a search engine before quickly typing in Anderson’s name. The results were a little slow to load and Tim took the chance to get up from his spot and refill his mug with more coffee. When he sat back down, he took a sip and started scrolling through the results.

Several Facebook pages had been brought up, along with Twitter profiles and LinkedIn pages. There was even a news article, but it was a recent post about some high school athlete that was definitely not relevant to what he was looking for unless their scientist had somehow managed to de-age himself or really was some sort of young genius with a penchant for crime. But he doubted that since he would’ve had to deal with the parents of the patients and that would raise more questions on their part.

Tim slowly sifted through the social media profiles and was nearly ready to give up before he delved too deep. Where white vans were the bane of every detective’s existence on the street, generic social media profiles were the bane of every detective’s existence when working to find someone online. He didn’t know how those people on Catfish did it. Well he did, but they had something more to go on. He’d like to see them try and track down some weird evil scientist on the internet.

Tim stared at the third Twitter page on his screen, not really seeing it as his mind worked. He was trying to decide whether or not the guy they were looking for would be honest, or somewhat honest, about his profession online. And if he would even have a social media profile. Him and Jason knew next to nothing about their guy and had no tells on any of his habits. They didn’t even know if he was married or if he had kids.

He was really regretting not grilling Elena more about Anderson. Although, due to the level of secrecy that they were all operating under, she probably wouldn’t have any of the answers that they were looking for and they didn’t exactly have it narrowed down to a few people where they could justify having her go through photos with her to try and ID him.

Tim grabbed his phone from the table while he used his other hand to navigate to the DMV website. He sent a quick text to Jason before he started to bypass their system again to search for any driving records that might exist.

Tim: I’ve got nothing concrete on Anderson. There was no employee file from the hospital and there are too many social media profiles to even narrow it down and that’s assuming he made one in some form or fashion.

He searched for the good ol’ doctor in the system and wasn’t surprised by how many names popped up. He didn’t think he’d ever understand the popularity of the name. Especially in Gotham. Why couldn’t they get lucky for once and have to look for someone who has a totally unique name? That wasn’t an alias anyway.

Tim exited out of the DMV website with a shake of his head. His phone vibrated and he checked the reply that Jason sent.

Jason: Of course that’s just our luck. Why can’t these guys be easy to track for once????

Tim: You took the words right out of my mouth.

Jason: Whatever. I can ask around on the streets tonight after I take down this gang that’s been making trouble.

Tim: Need any backup?

Jason: Nah, I’ve dealt with these guys before and as soon as the blood starts flowing and bones start breaking, they turn tail and run. Shouldn’t be a big deal.

Tim: Got it.

Tim: That sounds like some parody of Smash Mouth. ‘Well the blood starts flowing and the bones start breaking…’

Jason: I’m not sure that I will ever understand you…

Tim: Whatever.

He set his phone to the side and closed out of all of his files. There wasn’t much more that he’d be able to do until they had some info on where to find Anderson. And they still needed to shut down the trafficking ring that he was involved in. And he definitely wasn’t about to find anything about that on the internet. It looked like him and Jason were in for a lot of footwork on patrol.

~~

“Red Robin.”

Tim paused before retracting the cable for his grapple gun. He turned to face Bruce who was standing on the rooftop, hidden in shadow as was his practice.

“Batman,” he said, nodding before putting his grapple back in his belt. “Is there something that you need?”

“Have you managed to shut down that trafficking ring yet?”

“Red Hood and I are working on it. We’re both going to see what anyone on the streets might know about it, but tracking them down again might take a while since they know that we’re watching. We’ll take care of it, don’t worry.”

He nodded. “Try and get that cleared up as quickly as possible.”

“We will. It shouldn’t take too long-“ Tim gasped and clutched his side when the most intense pain crashed through him. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to breathe through what felt like was his side being ripped open.

“Red Robin!” Bruce exclaimed, hurrying over to grab onto his shoulder. “Red Robin, what happened? What’s wrong?”

Tim opened and closed his mouth, trying to get the words out. He knew something had happened to Jason. He just didn’t know what. He had to find him. He had to make sure that he was okay and that he wasn’t bleeding out in some alleyway because if what he was feeling was anything to go by, then Jason was probably experiencing something so much worse.

“I…he…” he gasped.

“Who? Who did this? Red Robin?”

A second wave of pain crashed over him. His body felt like it was being crushed under a building. Tim clutched his head as he fell to his knees, despite Bruce’s efforts to keep him on his feet. His vision wavered and he was worried that he was going to pass out, but he knew that he had to find Jason first. He had to make sure that he wasn’t hurt too badly and that he was alive.

He tried to open his mouth again to speak and explain the situation but as soon as he did, he felt bile rise up in his throat and he just barely managed to turn his body away in time to keep from vomiting all over Bruce’s boots.

“We need to get you back to the Cave,” Bruce said urgently. He tried pulling Tim to his feet but he just shook his head.

“No,” he gasped. The pain wasn’t subsiding and he wasn’t quite ready to admit that that worried him. A lot.

“What do you mean ‘no’?”

“I have to find him.”

“Find who?”

“Jason,” he said, swallowing around another wave of nausea. “He’s in trouble. I have to find him. He might be dying. He might already be dead.”

“Names, Red Robin. How do you know he’s in trouble?” Bruce asked.

“Later. I need to find him first. He’s in trouble,” he said again.

Bruce brought up a hand to his cowl and Tim had to close his eyes to take steady breaths. If he was in this much pain, then he wasn’t sure he wanted to know what kind of shape Jason was in.

“Nightwing go find Red Hood. Red Robin and I have reason to believe that he’s in trouble. When you find him, bring him to the Cave. Red Robin will be there waiting for him.”

Tim shook his head. He knew that he couldn’t go and wait in the Cave. He had to find Jason. He couldn’t leave him alone.

“Let’s go, Red Robin. We need to get you to the Cave and have you looked over.”

Tim shook his head again. He needed to stand up, but his body felt so heavy. He didn’t know how he was going to move. “I have to go to him.”

“Nightwing is with him. He’s going to bring him to the Cave and you need to go, too.”

“No,” Tim said and struggled to his feet. His legs were shaky, but managed to hold after a minute. It was going to be slow going, but he knew that he could make it to Jason. He just needed to move. He took deep breaths as he stepped forward and straightened. The world moved beneath him and he felt himself fall, unable to do anything more than close his eyes and wait for the impact to come.

~~

Tim felt himself slowly come to. He fought against the darkness and the fatigue. As awareness came back, he noticed how heavy his limbs felt. He’d never quite understood what people meant when they said they felt like they’d gotten hit by a bus, but he couldn’t think of a more apt description in that moment. He brought a hand up to clutch at his head when a throb went through it.

He blinked his eyes open and was met with impossibly bright lights and it took him a few seconds to get his vision to clear. When he did he found himself staring up at the ceiling of the Cave. He didn’t remember coming back there. He’d been talking to Bruce on patrol when-

Tim gasped and sat up, having to close his eyes as his vision swam from the sudden movement. He didn’t think that he should be feeling such intense side effects when he hadn’t been hurt, but they still didn’t know a great deal about how the connection worked. When it cleared he looked down and made to pull out the IV in his arm when a pair of hands stopped his actions.

“Woah, Tim! Calm down, little bro.”

He looked up and found Dick standing over me. He shook his head and made to pull it out again, but Dick stopped him. “I have to find Jason. He’s in trouble. He-“

“Tim, calm down. Jason’s fine. Well…he will be anyway. He was in pretty bad shape when I found him, but Alfred worked his magic and after a bit of time recuperating, he’ll be good as knew.”

Tim pulled against where Dick was still holding onto his hands. “Where is he? I have to see him! I have to…”

Dick’s smile had him trailing off in the middle of his sentence. “If you’ll look to your right, you’ll see he’s right there.”

He looked to the side and found Jason looking peaceful and asleep. The machines around him beeped and his chest rose softly with each breath. He could make out some scratches across his face, but couldn’t see much else with the hospital gown and blanket covering him.

Tim felt himself sag with relief at the sight, his fatigue making itself more apparent now that he wasn’t stressed. Jason was alive. As worried as he’d been the night before, he was going to be okay. They were both going to be okay.

Sensing that he wasn’t going to put up much of a fight anymore, Dick released his hands and stood back.

“He was unresponsive when I found him, but alive. If he’d been left alone too long he probably would’ve ended up dead. I’m surprised you knew that he was in trouble. I don’t think anyone would’ve known that something was wrong for a long time.”

Tim flushed and clutched at the blanket that was covering his legs. “Well, that’s…you see…I…”

“Yes, I would also like to know how exactly it was that you knew Jason was in trouble.”

Tim swallowed and looked up as Bruce walked over to him. He’d changed out of his uniform and Tim wondered how long he’d been out and how late in the morning it was for them all to be back at the Manor.

“Look, I don’t really know how to explain it. I guess I just had this hunch that something was wrong and that we needed to find him to make sure that he was okay...” Tim trailed off at the unimpressed look that Bruce was giving him and he cleared his throat before glancing away.

“You don’t really expect me to believe that, do you?” Bruce asked and crossed his arms. “Especially with how you reacted?”

“I…” Tim was at a loss for words. He didn’t know how to explain it without telling them what had happened.

“Tim…”

His head whipped around at the sound of that familiar voice, even if it was a bit gravelly and tired. He looked at Jason’s tired eyes that were now open and looking at him.

“Babybird, I think it’s time that we come clean.”

Tim sighed and closed his eyes before nodding. “Okay.”

He turned back to look at Bruce and Dick. Bruce looked rather serious, not that that was any surprise. He was pretty much always serious and Dick had narrowed his eyes like he suspected something. Tim wasn’t sure if he was ready to know just what was going through his mind.

“There’s something that we have to tell you.”

[gokinjeespot]

off the rack #1289

Monday, November 25, 2019

 I understand why there has to be ads in comic books but the ones in recent DC comics are super annoying. There's the two page ad for Snickers candy bars and another one for Me TV. They are both comic book pages and disrupts the flow of my reading. I hate them. I don't mind the single page ads for other DC comics but those two page ads are a pain in the ass.

 Gwenpool Strikes Back #4 - Christopher Hastings (writer page 2) Leah Williams (writer all the other pages) David Baldeon (art) Jesus Aburtov (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). We get down to the final challenge for Gwenpool's comic book life. Find out who she faces on the last page. It's a shocker.

 Batman Superman #4 - Joshua Williamson (writer) David Marquez (art) Alejandro Sanchez (colours) John J. Hill (letters). This is the issue that puts the good guys on the brink of defeat after a valiant effort to stop The Batman Who Laughs and his infected followers. The art in this issue was noticeably good.

 King Thor #3 - Jason Aaron (writer) Esad Ribic (art) Ive Svorcina (colours) Das Pastoras (art & colours pages 5-9) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). This is it. The God Butcher near triumphant. Can King Thor bring life to the Necroverse and save the entire universe? I sure hope so.

 Punisher Kill Krew #5 - Gerry Duggan (writer) Juan Ferreyra (art) VC's Cory Petit (letters). This story ended in typical fashion with the good guys killing the bad guy and returning to Earth. I liked this finale for showing a softer side of Frank Castle.

 Conan the Barbarian #11 - Jason Aaron (writer) Mahmud Asrar (art) Matthew Wilson (colours) VC's Travis Lanham (letters). Conan meets Crom. I loved how Mahmud used one of Frank Frazetta's paintings as a model for Crom. You'll recognise the headpiece if you're a Frazetta fan. King Conan is dead. Long live King Conan. This will make sense when you get to the last page of this issue.

 The Question: The Deaths of Vic Sage #1 - Jeff Lemire (writer) Denys Cowan (pencils) Bill Sienkiewicz (inks) Chris Sotomayor (colours) Willie Schubert (letters). I always thought of the Question as being a darker more serious version of Will Eisner's the Spirit but this opens with him acting more like the Riddler. I don't remember him asking the bad guys questions before. I thought the name had more to do with who was behind the faceless mask and finding the answers to solve a crime. I wasn't thrilled with the occult element to this story either. I didn't like how almost all of the faces were static and expressionless throughout. I wanted to like this, but I didn't.

 Heart Attack #1 - Shawn Kittelsen (writer) Eric Zawadzki (art) Michael Garland (colours) Pat Brosseau (letters). X-Men fans will find this future where some people are born with special powers very familiar. In this book they're called Variants. It starts off with a Variant graffiti artist named Nona being tazered and dragged away by cops who look like the judges in Judge Dredd. Cleary the bad guys. Nona's friend Charlie witnesses the rights violation and goes for help with a group called the Freebodies. Here we meet Jill, a social media influencer and when she meets Charlie, sparks fly, or people do more accurately. Jill has tactile telekinesis powers and Charlie is a power booster. Along with similarities to Marvel's mutants I also felt like this could have been the beginning of Cloak and Dagger. The art is lovely so if you're looking for something new to try I recommend this.

 Scarab #1 - Dennis Hopeless Hallum (writer) Freddie E. Williams II (art) Jeremy Colwell (colours) Thomas Napolitano (letters). If you've been wondering what Jaime Reyes, the Blue Beetle has been up to find out here in this "Year of the Villain: Infected" one shot. It isn't pretty. The Batman Who Laughs gets his claws into the teenager and now he looks like Ambush Bug and can't control the Scarab attached to him. This explains how Jaime shows up in Batman Superman #4.

 Deadpool #1 - Kelly Thompson (writer) Chris Bachalo (pencils) Wayne Faucher, Tim Townsend, Al Vey, Jaime Mendoza, John Livesay & Victor Olazaba (inks) David Curiel (colours) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). The stalwart names in the credits made me pick up this latest number one of Deadpool's to read. I was not disappointed. Deadpool is made King of Monsters on Staten Island. That's really dumb and insane but this is Deadpool so totally expected. I think I'll stick around for the fun this time around.

 2099 #1 - Nick Spencer (writer) Viktor Bogdanovic (art) Marte Gracia (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). This intro to the latest Spider-Man mega event is as clear as mud. There's just too much going on to try to figure out what the point of the story is. I'm assuming this takes place in the year 2099 where Doctor Doom has Uatu the Watcher keeping an eye on things for him. So old Doc Doom rules the world yet again. We get a glimpse of five 2099 tie-ins with Conan, Ghost Rider, Punisher, the Fantastic Four and Spider-Man 2099 all making brief appearances. The creative teams on them will determine if I'm going to read any but my interest is low right now. Fans with extra time and money might be more inclined to check them out.

 Something is Killing the Children #3 - James Tynion IV (writer) Werther Dell'Edera (art) Miquel Muerto (colours) AndWorld Design (letters). I am waiting for the action when Erica Slaughter confronts the monster that is killing the children. I am also wondering how some of the adults of the town are going to interfere. This horror show has me hooked.

 Batman #83 - Tom King (writer) Mikel Janin (art) Jordie Bellaire (colours) Clayton Cowles (letters). I love the use of two Henry Wadsworth Longfellow poems in this issue while the voice of Alfred soothes Bruce's grief. This is where Bruce finds Alfred's dead body and prepares to face Thomas Wayne. This is an issue that I would give to someone who doesn't read comic books as an example of what a really good comic book is like. I think that they would be pleasantly surprised.

 Annihilation - Scourge Alpha #1 - Matthew Rosenberg (writer) Juanan Ramirez with Cian Tormey (art) Federico Blee (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). The bug is back but this time Annihilus has come from the Negative Zone not to conquer but to ask for help. Death is spreading in the Negative Zone and nothing can stop it. You know it's bad when Annihilus teams up with Blastaar and both bad guys lose. It's a tough time to be a Marvel Maniac when two mega events hit the racks at the same time. This one spins off into four one-shots featuring Nova, the Fantastic Four, Beta Ray Bill and the Silver Surfer ( before Silver Surfer Black I'm assuming). If you're a fan of little used characters, you'll like who the Big Bad is. The same deal applies for whether I read any more of these as with the 2099 books.

 Once & Future #4 - Kieron Gillen (writer) Dan Mora (art) Tamra Bonvillain (colours) Ed Dukeshire (letters). We're in the thick of the story now as the bad guys get closer to the Holy Grail. I love me a good Arthurian story.

 Loki #5 - Daniel Kibblesmith (writer) Andy MacDonald (art) David Curiel (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). Half of this issue is a tale from the old west where Loki hunts down some bank robbers with the help of a young Logan you know who. The other half is a present day Loki explaining to someone his raison d'être. It's one of those get to know the star of the book deals.

 The Marked #2 - David Hine & Brian Haberlin (writers) Brian Haberlin (art) Geirrod Van Dyke (colours) Francis Takenaga (letters). There is cool magic in this book and I love the art. Not sure who the good guys or the bad guys are but that's okay because I'm sticking around to find out.

 Fantastic 4 2099 #1 - Karla Pacheco (writer) Steven Cummings (art) Chris Sotomayor (colours) VC's Travis Lanham (letters). Jeepers, the end of this 2099 one shot was totally unexpected and shocking. It's obvious that H.E.R.B.I.E. is trying to reunite the 4 in 2099 and they are totally different from the familiar family that we know. He gets help from the cyborg bounty hunter from the 2099 Alpha book and she's successful in finding the 4. It's an okay story with some neat futuristic concepts but there won't be an ongoing FF 2009 book later.

 The Amazing Mary Jane #2 - Leah Williams (writer) Carlos Gomez (art) Carlos Lopez (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). I do not like this portrayal of Mary Jane. She's more like an old school Archie Comics character than the modern woman we've seen in other books. I had high hopes for this new series but this is where I call this one a wrap.

 Marauders #2 - Gerry Duggan (writer) Matteo Lolli (art) Federico Blee (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). I like how they've matured Kitty Pryde in this new book but the art isn't nice enough to keep this on my must read list.

 The Immortal Hulk #27 - Al Ewing (writer) Joe Bennett (pencils) Ruy Jose, Belardino Brabo, Marc Deering & Sean Parsons (inks) Paul Mounts (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). The Hulk's war on Roxxon starts here. The first battle has the Hulk attacking a data centre and fighting Roxxon's enhanced human security guards. This is powerful stuff and classic Hulk Smash. I love it.

 Excalibur #2 - Tini Howard (writer) Marcus To (art) Erick Arciniega (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). I'm not keen on the writing but I love the art. There's just too much teleporting for my taste. I'll stick around as long as Marcus is drawing this book.

 The Amazing Spider-Man #34 - Nick Spencer (writer) Patrick Gleason (art) Matthew Wilson, Dee Cunniffe & Chris O'Halloran (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). Doctor Doom was centered in a sniper's sights at the end of last issue and (spoiler alert) is shot at the start of this issue. Boy, does that ever piss old Doomsy off. Meanwhile Spider-Man 2099 finally finds the Amazing Spider-Man but all he can do is tell him that the multiverse is screwed? How anticlimactic. Now Peter has to figure out what will cause that catastrophe. It's pretty obvious to me given the major clue in this issue.

 Avengers #26 - Jason Aaron (writer) Dale Keown (pencils) Joe Weems, Cam Smith & Craig Yeung (inks) Andrea Sorrentino (art pages 18-19) Jason Keith with Erick Arciniega & Jay David Ramos (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). It's the origin of the Starbrand. I love Dale's art.

 Absolute Carnage #5 - Donny Cates (writer) Ryan Stegman (pencils) JP Mayer & Jay Leisten (inks) Frank Martin (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). Uh, what? This didn't turn out to be one of those stories with clear cut winners and losers. Eddie Brock and his son are still alive so that's a win for him. Knull has been (spoiler alert) awakened so the bad guys win too. The changes to certain characters will interest Venom fans (Eddie kills Cletus and absorbs the Carnage symbiote and his son Dylan kills a symbiote by making it explode) so there's that. I noticed that Scream was in the group of heroes coming to the rescue and that makes me want to read more about her in SCREAM CURSE OF CARNAGE #1 hitting the racks November 27. I should get a No Prize for explaining that Peter carries an extra face mask because on page 6 half of it is ripped off but he's got a full one on page 21. Either that or editorial didn't notice the boo-boo. It was fun catching up with Eddie and Venom but this story didn't make me more inclined to keep up with this character regularly.

[givemeachortle-blog]

Best Tv Show Ever

'Saturday Night Live' 1975-Present

Live from New York, it really is Saturday night – more than 40 years subsequent to the Not Ready for Prime-Time Gamers first re invented comedy as rock & roll. As Lorne Michaels likes to say, "We don't go on because we are ready. We go on because it's 11:3-0." SNL retains that electric-edge vitality working, even if that means flopping for even entire seasons or episodes in a time. Everybody believed the classic 1970s cast – John Belushi, Gilda Radner, Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd – was also wild and insane to change. But noooo: SNL gave Eddie Murphy in the 1980s, Mike Myers and Chris Rock in to the world the 1990s, Will Ferrell and Tina Fey in the 2000s, Kate McKinnon and Aidy Bryant today. People keep choosing this time this really is Saturday Evening Dead, yet time after time it surges back. No other display h-AS unleashed s O many beautifully demented performers on the world.

'Freaks and Geeks' 19992000

A typically outstanding Freaks and Geeks moment: High school mathlete Lindsay takes her first puff of weed but gets busted by one of her fellow nerds, who tells her, "I know what high people look like. I went to an Seals and Crofts concert last summer!" Paul Feig and Judd Apatow truly captured the agonies of American adolescence in this intensely compassionate comedy, set in 1980 in a Michigan town. It tragically lasted only one period, but residence was hit by all 18 episodes, using a cast of potential legends and also a rock soundtrack. Martin Starr's Bill, Jason Segel's Nick, most of all Linda Cardellini's Lindsay – these are kids who do not fit in, craving a spot they may belong, whether that is clearly a a Dungeons & Dragons sport or a van following the Grateful Lifeless tour.

'Buffy the Vampire Slayer' 1997-2003

A supernatural avenger that was feminist was developed by Sarah Michelle Gellar in the saga of Buffy, the California girl who finds herself by kicking vampire ass of Joss Whedon. On Buffy, surviving adolescence and fighting off the undead forces of evil turn into the same point. And also the musical episode – "Once More, With Feeling" – is a classic alone.

'Mad Men' 2007 15

The American desire and how exactly to sell it – except for Don Draper as well as the hustlers of Sterling Cooper, marketing is the American dream. Mad Males became a sensation as soon as it appeared, partly due to its glam area – a New York a-D company in the JFK period, all sex and cash and liquor and cigarettes – but largely since it was an audaciously adult drama which wasn't about cops or robbers (or doctors or lawyers), staking out new story-telling territory. Jon Hamm's womanizing adman, Don, is a genius a-T shaping other individuals goals and fantasies, however he can not escape his own loneliness – he's a con man who stole the identification of a dead Korean War officer and constructed a new li Fe out of lies. "A good marketing individual is like an artist, channeling the lifestyle," creator Matthew Weiner told Rolling Stone. "They're holding up a mirror saying, 'This is the way you desire you were. This really is the thing you are scared of.'" A room can be reduced by Don to tears though the content family memories he is attempting to sell are a fraud. There was no Thing on TV as seductive as Mad Men before – and years later, there still isn't.

'Friday Night Lights' 2006-11

"Obvious eyes, full hearts, can't lose" is the golden rule in a dusty Texas city where everybody else lives and dies for the large college football staff. But Friday Night Lights isn't truly about football so muchas family, function, course, the bitter style of dashed dreams, with Kyle Chandler as Coach Taylor, Connie Britton as wife Tami and Taylor Kitsch as Tim Riggins – the most memorable of the many vulnerable kids who go through the Panthers' locker room. Riggins' tale becomes particularly moving genuine existence beats down him and after his grid iron glory fades.

3rd Watch TV Show

'Sesame Street' 1969-Present

No kiddie show h-AS ever been as fiercely beloved as this urban utopian fantasy, emerge a brownstone community populated by a multi-racial cast of smiling adults, a gigantic yellow chicken, a grouch in a garbage can, and math-loving vampires, plus many chatting letters and figures. It h-AS excellent tunes, but most crucial, Sesame has soul, that's why the air has stayed sweet for 4 years – or as the Depend would say, 4-5! 46! 47 years!

'Veep' 2012-Present

Julia Louis-Dreyfus presides over the Oval Off-Ice in the political satire of HBO, still getting more horrifyingly outstanding with each season. Her President Selina Meyer is one of the truly excellent monsters in Television background, a politician you can count on to say things like "You're gonna terminate this recount like Anne Frank's bat mitzvah." Each episode is a warpspeed blast of insults, many aimed at Timothy Simons' loathsome aide. ("How am I performing? Eating therefore much pussy I am shitting clits, son.") Veep's peak for sheer gall might be the "Testimony" episode, a frantic half hour when nearly every type of dialogue is perjury. Four more years, please.

'The Office (U.K.)' 200103

Ricky Gervais created one of TV's most agonizing comic tyrants in David Brent – a bitter, awkward, pompous ball of vanities terrorizing his employees a T a London paper organization. He fidgets, fondles his tie, cracks awful jokes, plays guitar ("Freelove Free Way"!), invisible to anybody except the long-suffering office drones who have to put up with him. This mockumentary raised the cringe level of sitcoms every where, spawning the surprisingly fantastic U.S. edition (also on this checklist) while paving the way for the glories of Parks & Recreation and Peepshow.

'Louie' 2010-Present

Louis C.K.'s stubbornly auteurist FX sit-com doesn't seem or feel like anything else on TV – he writes, directs and stars as himself, a single-dad standup comic in New York. If Louie wants to show himself in the car air-drumming to "Who Are You?" and mortifying his daughters, he goes for this. If he desires to abandon the half hour comedy format completely for an extended indie-movie vibe with Charles Grodin and Ellen Burstyn, he does that also. Louis C.K. May disappear in to his head for entire seasons, but emotional peaks that are totally original are also hit by him like the one when he travels to Miami and inadvertently makes a buddy that is male. (No, it will not last.)

[junker-town]

NBA free agents 2017: Ranking the top 50

This free agent class is top-heavy, but falls off thereafter. Here are our rankings by position.

The NBA has already seen one major shake-up with the Jimmy Butler trade to the Timberwolves on draft night. More moves are sure to come, both before the end of June as cap space expires and once midnight strikes on July 1, when NBA free agency opens.

The 2017 NBA free agent class is relatively shallow, with some mammoth names up high (including five 2016-17 NBA All-Stars), a few young blue chippers, and a metric ton of situational role players. Power forward and point guard are rather deep in this class, whereas there are few decent available centers or shooting guards.

Teams are going to have to get creative, in other words.

We’re presenting our NBA free agent rankings somewhat differently this year. We pulled together a list of the top 50 free agents overall, then sorted them by position. (We listed them in the position they played the most last season, according to Basketball-Reference’s play-by-play data.) As such, we don’t have an overall top 50 ranking, or even a top 10 for each position.

Needless to say, with such shaky options outside of the marquee stars, this is all rather subjective. Some players not listed in these rankings could easily be better fits for specific teams’ situations than the players listed. We’ll leave those decisions up to the general managers.

Let’s get to it.

NOTE: We updated these rankings on June 29 to reflect Chris Paul’s decision to opt in and the Mavericks’ decision to decline their option on Dirk Nowitzki.

Photo by Jason Miller/Getty Images

Point guards

1. Stephen Curry: Golden State Warriors

Curry isn’t going anywhere. On the first night of free agency he agreed to a 5-year, $201-million designated player maximum contract with the Warriors, earning Curry that big pay day he’s been waiting for. While Steph is the No. 2 overall free agent in this class behind Kevin Durant, it’s worth noting that the Warriors are going to re-sign the top two free agents in 2017 with two other All-Stars already locked up on the roster. Good grief.

2. Kyle Lowry

Lowry might have been the best guard in the Eastern Conference this season until an elbow injury derailed his All-NBA campaign. Lowry blossomed into an all-star in Toronto, but the franchise has vowed changes after a disappointing sweep by the Cavaliers. The Raptors are already paying DeMar DeRozan more than $30 million per season. Can they pay the backcourt $65-70 million a year and build a competitive team around them? Perhaps not.

The Raptors’ saving grace may be that few teams have needs at point guard and big salary space to lock up with a 31-year-old. Lowry’s worth a massive contract, but this might be the wrong year to maximize his earnings with more affordable options right behind him.

3. George Hill

Hill helped bring Utah along as a game-changer in the backcourt despite missing 33 games due to injury. He’s not the scorer, passer, or playmaker that CP3 or Lowry are, but like those two, Hill is a steadying force. Utah would love to bring him back, but a salary crunch and big offers out there for Hill may lead him to leave.

If Hill’s medical records check out, he’d be a huge aid to a team looking to make a leap with a need at point guard. The Bucks, Nuggets, and Pelicans would be stellar landing spots if they can open the space.

4. Jrue Holiday

Holiday struggled to find his way with Anthony Davis and DeMarcus Cousins, but the trio came along as the season wrapped up. The Pelicans are in a bind: if they don’t pay up to retain Holiday, they don’t have cap space to chase someone like Lowry, Hill, or someone slightly lower on this list. It’s much easier to pay big for Holiday than pay slightly less for Jeff Teague or Patty Mills because of Bird rights.

Holiday can defend — a must for this team at the point — and is a passable deep shooter. Time may be all he and the Twin Towers need to make it work, provided he can remain healthy.

5. Jeff Teague: Minnesota Timberwolves

Immediately upon the calendar turning to July 1, Jeff Teague and the Minnesota Timberwolves agreed to a three-year deal worth $57 million. Teague put up good numbers for a shaky Pacers team last year but with Paul George gone, it was unlikely Indiana would bring him back.

Now he’s the new point guard for the Timberwolves, replacing Ricky Rubio who was traded to the Utah Jazz. Teague will join Jimmy Butler, Andrew Wiggins, and Karl-Anthony Towns as Minnesota tries to make its run in the stacked Western Conference.

6. Patty Mills: San Antonio Spurs

Patty Mills and the San Antonio Spurs agreed to a 4-year, $50 million deal quickly on July 1. Mills has an impeccable reputation as a teammate, and he’ll only be 29 next season. He’s never been a full-time starter, though, yet that may change this season with or without a healthy Tony Parker.

7. Derrick Rose

Rose feels like empty calories at this point. With the right coach and teammates, he could turn into a top-drawer back-up point guard. You just wonder if he’s ready to follow that path or if he still believes he can still be an all-star (which he cannot). Seeing what market develops for him this summer should be fascinating.

8. Darren Collison

Collison has actually been solid for the Kings over the last couple of years, and he’s quite a shooter. There’s a strong possibility Sacramento will re-sign him to help bring De’Aaron Fox along, but he could end up as a back-up somewhere for $10-12 million per season.

9. Shaun Livingston: Golden State Warriors

Shan Livingston and the Warriors agreed to a 3-year, $24 million deal that begins to keep the Warriors bench in place. Livingston doesn’t put up numbers, shoot threes, or set up his teammates too much. But he’s a fierce defender, a high-character teammate, and the post-up god of point guards. Livingston probably could have taken a bigger payday elsewhere but winning with the Warriors is more important.

Kelvin Kuo-USA TODAY Sports

Shooting guards

1. J.J. Redick

Redick is clearly the best shooting guard available, and it seems highly likely he’ll leave the Clippers. It speaks to the value of Redick’s skills that L.A. -- with world-class scorers CP3 and Blake Griffin — made it a point to get Redick shots early and often. Redick has also built himself into a fair defender despite a persistent size and speed disadvantage. He knows where he needs to be on both ends.

A huge contract in the wrong situation, though, could be a disaster. He needs a point guard to set him up and a strong wing defender to bail him out of tough assignments. Brooklyn has long seemed like a smart match, but D’Angelo Russell’s presence isn’t perfect. If the Pistons revamp their backcourt, a reunion with Stan Van Gundy could be fruitful.

2. Dion Waiters

Waiters had an incredible contract year — one for the history books. It’s too bad Miami fell just short of the playoffs so that Waiters couldn’t hit a dagger in Cleveland. This year, Waiters found his true calling: as the new Jamal Crawford. Some team -- quite possibly the Heat, or maybe his hometown 76ers — has to realize this and pay him big dollars to chase his destiny.

3. Kentavious Caldwell-Pope (Restricted)

Caldwell-Pope, like pretty much everyone else in a Pistons jersey last season, fell short of expectations. He’s a high-potential defender who would be a blue-chip stud if he could hit threes at a higher rate. As it is, he’s an inefficient scorer due to his inability to attack the rim. That leads to few free throws and too many long twos.

Caldwell-Pope is a restricted free agent. You wonder if some team will be bold enough to offer up a max contract to see if Van Gundy will commit. The two-guard market is extremely shallow.

4. Jonathon Simmons (Restricted)

Simmons is Tony Allen for a new generation, with less marketing genius. The Spurs have an advantage with restricted status, but someone could certainly sneak in there with a quick offer sheet as San Antonio attempts to make a big move. Paying Simmons $15 million a year seems like a huge risk given his lack of offensive punch.

5. Tim Hardaway, Jr. (Restricted)

Hardaway has no lack of offensive punch. If Paul Millsap leaves the Hawks but Hardaway comes back, he could end up as Atlanta’s leading scorer! It’d be empty calories in large part, though: Hardaway isn’t much of a defender or a playmaker for others.

There’s a big risk that with a larger shooting load, his efficiency will crash. He’s shot quite well on two-pointers without drawing many fouls: that’s a volatile situation to be in. In addition, he already takes a high volume of threes. Any additional threes could be especially tough, and lower his long-range efficiency.

There is danger in these waters.

6. Kyle Korver

Korver’s at the end of his career, but he is extremely good at an extremely important skill. That’s worth some dough.

7. Manu Ginobili

Ginobili may very well retire. We thought that could be the case a year ago as well ... and he ended up with a nice eight-figure contract. So long as Ginobili wants to play in the NBA, he should be paid handsomely to do so. The world needs Manu more than ever.

Photo by Gene Sweeney Jr/Getty Images

Small forwards

1. Gordon Hayward

Hayward is one of the biggest prizes of free agency, and it’s easy to see why. Hayward’s an ascendant highly efficient scorer who moves the ball well and is just 27 years old. He may not be an All-NBA caliber player, but he’s quite possibly a regular all-star over the length of his next contract. You dream about landing players like this in free agency. Kevin Durant was the only better player to switch teams in free agency a year ago.

Utah has home-court advantage both in terms of total guaranteed salary and comfort level. But Hayward will look around, and he could make a massive difference for a new team like Boston or Miami.

2. Otto Porter (Restricted)

Porter finally came along in his fourth season, just in time to shore up a max-level second contract. It’s incredibly unlikely he’ll earn it anywhere other than Washington, D.C., since Porter is a restricted free agent. The Wizards didn’t make Bradley Beal sign a max offer sheet elsewhere a year ago, and they are unlikely to change course with Porter.

Otto is a solid wing defender who became an incredibly high-efficiency scorer in 2016-17. If he were an unrestricted free agent at age 24, there’d be a huge battle for his services, as there will be for Hayward. But Porter fits right in with the Wizards, and they’ll gladly be the ones to pay him big bucks.

3. Rudy Gay

Gay at No. 3 coming off a ruptured Achilles shows you how shallow the small forward position will be in this market, especially considering Porter’s restricted status. But Gay is an impressive old-school scorer who was decently efficient playing off DeMarcus Cousins in Sacramento. He’s no stopper on defense, but he’s better than most give him credit for being. He is a stopper — a ball-stopper — on offense, though. That means fit is incredibly important.

Gay would be a nice reserve scorer if a team has salary flexibility to slot him in that role and he embraces it.

4. Andre Iguodala

The NBA Finals were anticlimactic, but they served to ensure Iguodala gets paid one way or another. He looked downright spry after a hobbled close to the season, and his clutch defense on LeBron James showed he still has it.

If he leaves Golden State -- perhaps a necessity unless the Warriors are willing to pay huge gobs of luxury tax or Iguodala is willing to sign for only a year or two -- fit will be a huge concern. Iguodala needs to be on a team with plenty of scoring and shooting. You wonder if Boston would make a run at him if the Hayward and Paul George gambits fall through.

5. C.J. Miles

It seems impossible that C.J. Miles just turned 30 at the end of the regular season. The power of the preps-to-pro black mirror knows no bounds.

Miles is just a very solid NBA wing: he’s quite efficient, will defend anyone you throw at him, and fits in. He never stands out, but every team could use a few players like him. He seems like the perfect Houston Rocket.

6. Andre Roberson (Restricted)

Roberson’s free agency should be fascinating. He’s a world-class defender who is an absolute drain on offense. He can’t shoot, he’s an intentional foul liability, and he’s not a terribly dangerous slasher (unlike the younger version of Tony Allen). He could learn to shoot or cut more effectively, but paying what he’s likely to cost is a mighty big risk, especially considering that defense is cheaper to purchase on the open market.

Roberson is going to get more than Solomon Hill did in 2016. Is that appropriate? It’s not clear that it is.

Of course, the Roberson situation could end up boring if Oklahoma City — who has restricted status on him -- cuts a check before he chases offer sheets.

7. Tyreke Evans

Evans isn’t particularly good at any one thing, but he plays three positions (four in a pinch), moves the ball really well when he’s not pounding it into the floor, and is an excellent rebounder when playing the guard positions (less frequently last season, hence his listing at small forward). His versatility and youth (28 next season) will get some team to talk themselves into him. It might even work out.

8. Joe Ingles (Restricted)

Slow Mo Joe is more valuable to Utah than he would be to most franchises. It’s lucky, then, that the Jazz have restricted rights on Ingles. As Utah concentrates on retaining Hayward and Hill, and perhaps moving Derrick Favors and Dante Exum, Ingles can go out and find a team willing to pay a 30-year-old low-scoring glue guy.

If the offer is within reason and Utah needs to keep the team together for another run, the Jazz can match. If Hayward and Hill bail and a quick retooling around Rudy Gobert is in order, Utah can let Ingles jog away slowly. There’s peril in a fat Joe Ingles contract, but not so much for the Jazz. They are in control.

9. P.J. Tucker

Tucker was a boon for the Raptors as a wing defender, but it’s quite risky to pay big money to 32-year-olds who don’t score or create much. Toronto needs defenders more than most, but Tucker is not irreplaceable.

10. Bojan Bogdanovic (Restricted)

Bogdanovic is an effective, efficient bench scorer. But he’s a minus defender and a black hole. Be careful here.

Robert Hanashiro-USA TODAY Sports

Power forwards

1. Kevin Durant

Durant is the best free agent for the second straight year, and he’s in the conversation for best basketball player in the world. Unlike 2016, though, Durant isn’t switching teams. He’s relishing life in the Bay Area too much, especially after a dominant NBA playoffs run and championship.

2. Blake Griffin: Los Angeles Clippers

Chris Paul may have bolted for Houston but Griffin is staying in LA. The Clippers and Griffin agreed to a deal worth 5 years, $173 million right before free agency kicked off. Griffin is a majestic scorer and rebounder and one of the best passing big men in the league, but he hasn’t played anything close to a full season since 2014. He’s a max-contract player regardless. His health will likely determine again whether this works out or not for the Clippers.

3. Paul Millsap

Millsap is a top two-way power forward whose shooting efficiency has slipped as Atlanta has hemorrhaged talent. Put him in the right setting and his efficiency could bounce right back. The risk here is due to his age -- he’s 32 — and his inability to develop consistent three-point marksmanship. His excellent defense makes up for it, but there’s a chance that Millsap could become an anchor on the back end of his contract if he loses a step and can’t guard agile bigs going forward.

4. Serge Ibaka

Ibaka salvaged his contract year by playing well down the stretch for Toronto after getting lost in the Orlando morass for the first half. Serge remains a top-notch defender despite losing an edge over the years, and his jumper is reliable. (It’s worth noting that Ibaka is a superior deep shooter to Millsap.) He’s had just one major injury over eight seasons, and will be just 28 years old next season.

Ibaka’s going to get a massive contract, and odds are he’ll avail himself well. He’d be a lovely fit in Denver, Portland (if they can find some flexibility), or Minnesota. Don’t sleep on the possibility of a rebuilding team deciding to leverage cap space to outbid better teams and lock him in at a max contract given his age. Sacramento and Phoenix could be contenders there.

5. Danilo Gallinari

The Rooster is one of the best stretch four scorers when he can stay healthy, which has unfortunately been a problem. Gallinari was really efficient last season, but missed 19 games. He’s a minus on defense, which makes him an imperfect fit in Denver, which needs some defensive help in a bad way. Beyond that, it just feels as though the Nuggets are ready to move on from the Gallinari era.

The Rooster can play either forward position, and might be a nice consolation prize for a team that doesn’t land Hayward or Griffin. The Jazz could end up being a nice fit.

6. JaMychal Green (Restricted)

Green is a role player, but a high-level one. He’s highly efficient at low volume and can defend well. Green is a solid rebounder at power forward, but shouldn’t be asked to move the ball or create his own shot. He needs to be featured in a unit that has enough scoring and passing around him. It’s hard to imagine him being better anywhere else than he is in Memphis, where he was a godsend last season. He’s a restricted free agent, so the Grizzlies should have no problem keeping him.

7. Dirk Nowitzki

Dirk isn’t leaving Dallas — the belief is that he will sign a new two-year deal with the Mavericks to finish out his contract. He’s still a strong supplemental scorer and a locker room legend. Thank goodness the Mavericks won’t let some team Ewing On The Sonics or Hakeem On The Raptors him.

8. James Johnson

Wyoming’s finest was a revelation for the Heat as he remade his body and found scoring and playmaking touch that hadn’t been evident in his previous NBA stops. Defense is Johnson’s bread and butter, but he can shoot and slash too and he’s one of the better big man passers available this summer. Miami appears to be aiming toward a more star-level forward with eyes on Hayward and Griffin; that could lead another team to poaching Johnson early in free agency. If not, the Heat will be glad to give him a salary boost to stick around.

9. Zach Randolph

Z-Bo is soon to be 36 years old, but the dude still gets buckets. He transitioned well into a bench role last season and would be a huge pick-up for a contending team if he decides to take a big pay cut.

10. Taj Gibson

Gibson is a solid defender at power forward who can hit mid-range jumpers and stay out of the way on offense. He could be a nice role player for a team with scoring punch like Minny, Denver, or Washington. It’ll be interesting to see how much the Thunder are willing to spend to re-sign him.

11. Nikola Mirotic (Restricted)

Mirotic needs to be a better long-range shooter to justify his minutes and volume. You wonder how much of his lower clip from deep has to do with Chicago’s lack of spacing -- he was often the only Bull on the floor who was even a threat from deep. Things could look better with a different supporting cast. Otherwise, Mirotic is an anemic rebounder and poor defender. He’s there to hit shots.

12. Michael Beasley

The Michael Beasley rejuvenation continues. He’s a nice bench scorer who can step out to the three-point line (though he doesn’t do it often). Beasley is basically interchangeable with Marreese Speights.

13. Amir Johnson

Johnson is all about defense. He was a starter on a No. 1 seed, but so was Zaza Pachulia. Amir is better than that, though his value will be purely situational. It’s unlikely Boston can afford to pay him or prioritize him, which means he’ll be looking for a new fit on the market. Pairing him with score-first bigs — like in Charlotte, perhaps — could be fruitful.

14. Ersan Ilyasova

The scrap heap stretch four puts up decent numbers wherever he goes. He’s been a solid rebounder in the past two, though he’s not a reliable defender. You’d be glad to have him in your rotation.

15. Patrick Patterson

Two-Pat is an efficient shooter, but has remained at low volumes his entire career. He’s an undersized but active defender, and he’s pretty young at 28 years old. Patterson is a major candidate to go to a franchise where he’ll work himself into excellent shape, boost his per-game numbers, and set himself up for a payday in one year. Consider him the next James Johnson (replacing the passing with shooting).

16. Jeff Green

JEFF GREEN.

Jerome Miron-USA TODAY Sports

Centers

1. Nerlens Noel (Restricted)

It speaks to the low depth of centers on the free agent market that Noel is easily No. 1 on this list. A top-level defender, Noel doesn’t do anything he can’t. He’s somewhere between Tyson Chandler and Bismack Biyombo. Noel’s yet to have a really good point guard to set him up off picks-and-rolls -- perhaps within a couple years, Dallas draftee Dennis Smith will get there and boost Noel’s scoring output to double-digits.

Dallas will pay whatever it takes to keep Noel, a restricted free agent. He’s going nowhere.

2. Pau Gasol

Gasol’s defense has fallen off considerably (not that it was ever elite), but he remains quite effective as a scorer, rebounder, and passer as he approaches his 37th birthday. The Spurs have apparently worked out a deal to re-sign him after he graciously opted out of a mammoth contract, so expect to see Pau stay in the silver and black for a couple more seasons.

3. Kelly Olynyk (Restricted)

Olynyk’s per-game numbers mask his solid production — he’s just never been a featured player for Brad Stevens. Given a bigger role elsewhere, he could be a 14-8 center at relatively high efficiency given how many threes he shoots. He’s 26 (older than you’d expect from a restricted free agent) and his defense is a mixed bag. But he should probably be a starter in the NBA at his point in his career. Phoenix could be an interesting fit.

4. Mason Plumlee (Restricted)

Denver traded Jusuf Nurkic and a first-round pick for the right to pay Mason Plumlee in free agency, so they’d better do so. Of course, this constitutes falling right into the sunken cost fallacy. Christian Laettner 2.0 is getting a $60-80 million offer sheet from someone; the Nuggets will have to decide what to do at that point.

5. Nene: Houston Rockets

Nene has agreed to stay with the Rockets on a 4-year, $15 million deal. Nene played well on a discount for the Rockets and proved his worth coming off the bench behind Clint Capela last season. The combination of his age (nearly 35) and frequent injuries most likely scared off teams off from making a big long-term commitment, but he’s a very solid re-sign for the Rockets and his money will be guaranteed as he is the first beneficiary of the Over-38 rule in the new Collective Bargaining Agreement.

6. Dewayne Dedmon

Dedmon will be a fascinating free agent case. He’ll be 28 next season. He’s one of the very best rebounders in the league and a damn good rim protector. But he’s also a foul machine -- it’s not so much his offensive constraints that keep him off the foul as it is his propensity to hack.

There is definitely a huge danger that some team falls in love, tests the Spurs’ loyalty, and gets burned with a bad contract. Alternately, a new team could unlike some hidden finishing talent in Dedmon’s bones and turn him into the next Hassan Whiteside.

7. Marreese Speights

When you need buckets there is only one man to call.

8. Alex Len (Restricted)

Like Dedmon, Len’s problem staying on the floor is often foul trouble. Avoiding fouls can usually be learned. Len’s a nice little scorer and excellent rebounder who is just 24. Phoenix has the right to match, as Len is a restricted free agent. The most obvious solution is for the Suns to offer up a reasonable multi-year extension, but never count out the opportunity for a franchise with cap space to shake things up. No matter the era, young big men in the NBA make teams act crazy.

[aion-rsa]

Batman #21 Proudly (and Effectively) Displays its Watchmen Influences

SPOILER WARNING: This article contains major spoilers for “Batman” #21, on sale now.

Tom King and Jason Fabok’s “Batman” #21 marks the beginning of the Dark Knight’s anticipated crossover with the Flash, first teased in “DC Universe: Rebirth,” that will unveil many of the mysteries of the current DCU — including (possibly) the mastermind behind the New 52 universe, which excised five years from our heroes’ lives. “The Button, Part One” leans hard into the “Watchmen” themes that have permeated multiple titles since Rebirth, drawing heavy inspiration from Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons’ classic story.

RELATED: Watchmen’s Comedian Button Is Crucial for [SPOILER]’s Return In Batman

Last year’s “DC Universe: Rebirth” one-shot by Geoff Johns, Ethan Van Sciver, Ivan Reis and Gary Frank, which re-introduced former Flash Wally West into the current continuity, immediately began the unraveling of some elements of the New 52 reality. The story strongly implied that Dr. Manhattan, the clockwork demigod of “Watchmen,” had altered the bonds of the DCU’s reality for some unknown purpose, while another character called Mr. Oz, whom some have speculated is Moore and Gibbons’ antagonist Ozymandias, has since been seen operating behind the scenes, working toward some obscure stratagem, faking the death of Tim Drake (aka Red Robin) to take him off the board.

“The Button” represents the overdue team-up between the two heroes most invested in this universal struggle, and those most likely to unearth its mysteries. In the “Rebirth” special, Batman discovered, embedded in the walls of the Batcave, the iconic, blood-stained smiley button Rorschach recovered after the Comedian’s murder. Wally West’s return showed current Flash Barry Allen that core pieces of his life had been ripped away, and illustrated how Wally’s role in changing reality in “Flashpoint” weighs heavily on his shoulders.

Now, Batman is finally getting around to investigating that smiley button. And King and Fabok are showing off their “Watchmen” chops, enhancing their story in a way that holds all manner of Easter eggs for fans immersed in Moore and Gibbons’ book, but is simultaneously entirely accessible for those who haven’t read it.

On the Grid

“Watchmen” was noted, among other things, for its strict employment of the nine-panel grid, a device artist Dave Gibbons used masterfully for the story’s rhythmic pacing. Tom King previously wrote for the grid in “Omega Men,” illustrated to perfection by Barnaby Bagenda. He does so once again in “Batman” #21, which adheres almost entirely to the grid, though it does break for a single page as Batman’s time runs out in his fight against the Reverse Flash (more on this in a bit).

The device isn’t necessarily apparent in the first few pages — pages 1 and 2 are each three panels, three rows with a single panel each, while page 3 is a splash. Further, the first two don’t immediately call “Watchmen” to mind, focusing as they do on a scene at Arkham Asylum, where the semi-amnesiac Saturn Girl watches a hockey game she knows will end in tragedy. (There is a quick nod to Moore and Gibbons’ work in the background, though, in the form of a smiley face-emblazoned poster declaring “Arkhman is for Healing.”)

But from page 4 on, which divides into a full nine panels, it’s clear that what’s preceded has also adhered to the grid, combining the left, center and right panels on each tier for pages 1-2, and all of the panels for the page 3 splash, much as Gibbons modified the grid in “Watchmen” to create specific pacing effects. Fabok and King use less variety here than did Gibbons and Moore — “Watchmen” layouts would switch up the selection of combined panels, whereas this issue trades primarily in full-nines, horizontal threes, and splashes. Whether this is by design and will play into the story’s upcoming chapters remains to be seen.

Iconography

The bloodied smiley button, perhaps the most recognized emblem of “Watchmen,” hardly needs its significance explained. But King and Fabok make many subtle nods to the imagery of Moore and Gibbons’ dystopia, beginning right on page one.

Varying perspective, such as an extreme close-up of an object followed by a view of the same object from further back, was a recurring feature of “Watchmen” from its opening pages, where the view pulled directly up from a smiley button in a puddle of blood all the way up to the to the top floors of a high-rise. In “Batman” #21, we begin on a close up of center ice at a hockey game, viewed through a TV screen. In panel 2, when we pull back, a player’s stick has landed, evoking another bit of “Watchmen” iconography — the clock face. If that’s the minute hand, it’s pointed to around ten minutes to the hour. Not a lot of time, and deliberately similar as well, in fact, to the orientation of the blood spatter on the button.

Shortly after, in a scene Bat-fans have seen any number of times before, the Dark Knight stands before a massive wall of monitors in the Batcave. But in the context of such a “Watchmen”-heavy issue, the image evokes Ozymandias observing the world from his own headquarters. In this case, however, every screen is filled with the smiley face, save for four central monitors, one of which is tuned the hockey game.

The smileys overwhelm the image, giving an immediate impression that Batman is simply obsessed with this mystery, but with a moment’s thought this becomes a very strange scene. One of the smiley monitors displays a double helix overlay, suggesting Bruce is running tests on the button’s blood splatter, perhaps conveying that each monitor is devoted to a different experiment or set of data. But with only four remaining screens to keep an eye on Gotham — one shows firefighters at work, another appears to be a news program, a third looks like a bird’s-eye view of the city — why is one devoted to the hockey game? Is this what the Batman’s tests on the button are telling him is important, was he aware of Saturn Girl’s breakdown at Arkham, or is the Dark Knight simply a fan of the sport?

After rotating the button several times over his hand, all while he takes in the game, Batman tosses the button aside, causing it to come into contact with the Psycho Pirate’s mask. The Pirate, of course, was a major figure from “Crisis on Infinite Earths,” DC’s first major universe-altering event; so important that when the dust settled and a new universe was born, Psycho Pirate was the only person to remember the original continuity. Here, a spark passes between the mask and the button, and Batman sees a brief vision of the “Flashpoint” Batman, his father Thomas Wayne.

Batman phones up the Flash to help with this new mystery, and Barry Allen promises to be at the cave… in one minute.

“I saw God”

In that minute, though, the revitalized Reverse Flash attacks, taking revenge for his own death in “Flashpoint” at the hands of Thomas Wayne upon his son, this reality’s Batman. Bats actually holds his own pretty well against against a villain who can move at the speed of thought, taking each punch and even landing a solid hit by momentarily pinning Thawne’s foot to the floor with a Batarang. As the seconds tick down — another motif seen throughout “Watchmen” — Batman knows all he has to do is run out the clock until help arrives.

But the Flash is late.

This is the scene that breaks the grid; the clock runs out and the anticipated event fails to materialize. On the three-panel page, two tall panels split what would be the grid’s center panel, and Reverse Flash lands his knock-out punch in a full-width panel that is slightly taller than the grid’s third tier.

Thawne picks up the badge, which instantly transports him… somewhere; a moment later, he’s back, much as Dr. Manhattan would disappear and immediately reappear throughout Moore and Gibbons’ epic. But when the Reverse Flash returns — in a burst of blue light — his body is burnt and ruined, similar to how Barry’s was when he ran to save the universe in “Crisis.” Thawne’s final words before his seeming death are, “I saw God.”

The World’s Greatest Detective, The Fastest Man Alive

DC has made no secret of the fact that the “Watchmen” characters are central to the “Rebirth” mystery. Now that Batman and the Flash are attacking the problem head on, it shouldn’t be surprising, then, that that the influence of “Watchmen” grows ever stronger. But what’s also notable is how King and Fabok aren’t just using “Watchmen’s” characters and objects like the button, but also studying the storytelling elements that landed Moore and Gibbons’ book not only in the pantheon of comics but also earned it a spot on many literary “best of” lists. The result is not at all academic; they’ve enhanced their own story by using effective techniques, devices with a particular pedigree that enrich the sense of weight and import that the “Watchmen” characters’ arrival portends.

Most importantly, if you don’t know any of this, if you couldn’t care less about the science of comics storytelling. Even if you’ve never read “Watchmen,” you’ve still got a rock-solid story about the Flash and Batman teaming up to solve a mystery and stop a powerful villain. It’s a damn fine superhero action adventure, and really, isn’t that what matters most?

The post Batman #21 Proudly (and Effectively) Displays its Watchmen Influences appeared first on CBR.

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[junker-town]

NBA free agents 2017: Ranking the top 50

This free agent class is top-heavy, but falls off thereafter. Here are our rankings by position.

The NBA has already seen one major shake-up with the Jimmy Butler trade to the Timberwolves on draft night. More moves are sure to come, both before the end of June as cap space expires and once midnight strikes on July 1, when NBA free agency opens.

The 2017 NBA free agent class is relatively shallow, with some mammoth names up high (including five 2016-17 NBA All-Stars), a few young blue chippers, and a metric ton of situational role players. Power forward and point guard are rather deep in this class, whereas there are few decent available centers or shooting guards.

Teams are going to have to get creative, in other words.

We’re presenting our NBA free agent rankings somewhat differently this year. We pulled together a list of the top 50 free agents overall, then sorted them by position. (We listed them in the position they played the most last season, according to Basketball-Reference’s play-by-play data.) As such, we don’t have an overall top 50 ranking, or even a top 10 for each position.

Needless to say, with such shaky options outside of the marquee stars, this is all rather subjective. Some players not listed in these rankings could easily be better fits for specific teams’ situations than the players listed. We’ll leave those decisions up to the general managers.

Let’s get to it.

NOTE: We updated these rankings on June 29 to reflect Chris Paul’s decision to opt in and the Mavericks’ decision to decline their option on Dirk Nowitzki.

Photo by Jason Miller/Getty Images

Point guards

1. Stephen Curry

Curry isn’t going anywhere, of course. But he is the No. 2 overall free agent in this class behind Kevin Durant. It’s worth noting that the Warriors are going to re-sign the top two free agents in 2017 with two other All-Stars already locked up on the roster. Good grief.

2. Kyle Lowry

Lowry might have been the best guard in the Eastern Conference this season until an elbow injury derailed his All-NBA campaign. Lowry blossomed into an all-star in Toronto, but the franchise has vowed changes after a disappointing sweep by the Cavaliers. The Raptors are already paying DeMar DeRozan more than $30 million per season. Can they pay the backcourt $65-70 million a year and build a competitive team around them? Perhaps not.

The Raptors’ saving grace may be that few teams have needs at point guard and big salary space to lock up with a 31-year-old. Lowry’s worth a massive contract, but this might be the wrong year to maximize his earnings with more affordable options right behind him.

3. George Hill

Hill helped bring Utah along as a game-changer in the backcourt despite missing 33 games due to injury. He’s not the scorer, passer, or playmaker that CP3 or Lowry are, but like those two, Hill is a steadying force. Utah would love to bring him back, but a salary crunch and big offers out there for Hill may lead him to leave.

If Hill’s medical records check out, he’d be a huge aid to a team looking to make a leap with a need at point guard. The Bucks, Nuggets, and Pelicans would be stellar landing spots if they can open the space.

4. Jrue Holiday

Holiday struggled to find his way with Anthony Davis and DeMarcus Cousins, but the trio came along as the season wrapped up. The Pelicans are in a bind: if they don’t pay up to retain Holiday, they don’t have cap space to chase someone like Lowry, Hill, or someone slightly lower on this list. It’s much easier to pay big for Holiday than pay slightly less for Jeff Teague or Patty Mills because of Bird rights.

Holiday can defend — a must for this team at the point — and is a passable deep shooter. Time may be all he and the Twin Towers need to make it work, provided he can remain healthy.

5. Jeff Teague

Teague put up good numbers for a shaky Pacers team. Based on the Paul George situation, it seems unlikely Indiana will be interested in paying heavily to keep Teague around, though you never know.

He’s a classic overpay candidate, though: he scores and passes well, he’s not yet 30, and he looks the part. The only thing that can hurt him is the imbalanced point guard market this summer.

6. Patty Mills

Mills has an impeccable reputation as a teammate, and he’ll only be 29 next season. He’s never been a full-time starter, though, and he’s not quite as potent a scorer as Hill, to say nothing of Holiday or Teague. But given that he’s likely to sign for less than $20 million per season, he could be a nice starter for a younger team. He’d be very nice in Orlando. Depending on how the Knicks want to bring Frank Ntilikina along, he could fit there, too.

7. Derrick Rose

Rose feels like empty calories at this point. With the right coach and teammates, he could turn into a top-drawer back-up point guard. You just wonder if he’s ready to follow that path or if he still believes he can still be an all-star (which he cannot). Seeing what market develops for him this summer should be fascinating.

8. Darren Collison

Collison has actually been solid for the Kings over the last couple of years, and he’s quite a shooter. There’s a strong possibility Sacramento will re-sign him to help bring De’Aaron Fox along, but he could end up as a back-up somewhere for $10-12 million per season.

9. Shaun Livingston

Livingston doesn’t put up numbers, shoot threes, or set up his teammates too much. But he’s a fierce defender, a high-character teammate, and the post-up god of point guards. If the Warriors can’t afford to keep him, he’ll likely fit in anywhere he goes.

Kelvin Kuo-USA TODAY Sports

Shooting guards

1. J.J. Redick

Redick is clearly the best shooting guard available, and it seems highly likely he’ll leave the Clippers. It speaks to the value of Redick’s skills that L.A. -- with world-class scorers CP3 and Blake Griffin — made it a point to get Redick shots early and often. Redick has also built himself into a fair defender despite a persistent size and speed disadvantage. He knows where he needs to be on both ends.

A huge contract in the wrong situation, though, could be a disaster. He needs a point guard to set him up and a strong wing defender to bail him out of tough assignments. Brooklyn has long seemed like a smart match, but D’Angelo Russell’s presence isn’t perfect. If the Pistons revamp their backcourt, a reunion with Stan Van Gundy could be fruitful.

2. Dion Waiters

Waiters had an incredible contract year — one for the history books. It’s too bad Miami fell just short of the playoffs so that Waiters couldn’t hit a dagger in Cleveland. This year, Waiters found his true calling: as the new Jamal Crawford. Some team -- quite possibly the Heat, or maybe his hometown 76ers — has to realize this and pay him big dollars to chase his destiny.

3. Kentavious Caldwell-Pope (Restricted)

Caldwell-Pope, like pretty much everyone else in a Pistons jersey last season, fell short of expectations. He’s a high-potential defender who would be a blue-chip stud if he could hit threes at a higher rate. As it is, he’s an inefficient scorer due to his inability to attack the rim. That leads to few free throws and too many long twos.

Caldwell-Pope is a restricted free agent. You wonder if some team will be bold enough to offer up a max contract to see if Van Gundy will commit. The two-guard market is extremely shallow.

4. Jonathon Simmons (Restricted)

Simmons is Tony Allen for a new generation, with less marketing genius. The Spurs have an advantage with restricted status, but someone could certainly sneak in there with a quick offer sheet as San Antonio attempts to make a big move. Paying Simmons $15 million a year seems like a huge risk given his lack of offensive punch.

5. Tim Hardaway, Jr. (Restricted)

Hardaway has no lack of offensive punch. If Paul Millsap leaves the Hawks but Hardaway comes back, he could end up as Atlanta’s leading scorer! It’d be empty calories in large part, though: Hardaway isn’t much of a defender or a playmaker for others.

There’s a big risk that with a larger shooting load, his efficiency will crash. He’s shot quite well on two-pointers without drawing many fouls: that’s a volatile situation to be in. In addition, he already takes a high volume of threes. Any additional threes could be especially tough, and lower his long-range efficiency.

There is danger in these waters.

6. Kyle Korver

Korver’s at the end of his career, but he is extremely good at an extremely important skill. That’s worth some dough.

7. Manu Ginobili

Ginobili may very well retire. We thought that could be the case a year ago as well ... and he ended up with a nice eight-figure contract. So long as Ginobili wants to play in the NBA, he should be paid handsomely to do so. The world needs Manu more than ever.

Photo by Gene Sweeney Jr/Getty Images

Small forwards

1. Gordon Hayward

Hayward is one of the biggest prizes of free agency, and it’s easy to see why. Hayward’s an ascendant highly efficient scorer who moves the ball well and is just 27 years old. He may not be an All-NBA caliber player, but he’s quite possibly a regular all-star over the length of his next contract. You dream about landing players like this in free agency. Kevin Durant was the only better player to switch teams in free agency a year ago.

Utah has home-court advantage both in terms of total guaranteed salary and comfort level. But Hayward will look around, and he could make a massive difference for a new team like Boston or Miami.

2. Otto Porter (Restricted)

Porter finally came along in his fourth season, just in time to shore up a max-level second contract. It’s incredibly unlikely he’ll earn it anywhere other than Washington, D.C., since Porter is a restricted free agent. The Wizards didn’t make Bradley Beal sign a max offer sheet elsewhere a year ago, and they are unlikely to change course with Porter.

Otto is a solid wing defender who became an incredibly high-efficiency scorer in 2016-17. If he were an unrestricted free agent at age 24, there’d be a huge battle for his services, as there will be for Hayward. But Porter fits right in with the Wizards, and they’ll gladly be the ones to pay him big bucks.

3. Rudy Gay

Gay at No. 3 coming off a ruptured Achilles shows you how shallow the small forward position will be in this market, especially considering Porter’s restricted status. But Gay is an impressive old-school scorer who was decently efficient playing off DeMarcus Cousins in Sacramento. He’s no stopper on defense, but he’s better than most give him credit for being. He is a stopper — a ball-stopper — on offense, though. That means fit is incredibly important.

Gay would be a nice reserve scorer if a team has salary flexibility to slot him in that role and he embraces it.

4. Andre Iguodala

The NBA Finals were anticlimactic, but they served to ensure Iguodala gets paid one way or another. He looked downright spry after a hobbled close to the season, and his clutch defense on LeBron James showed he still has it.

If he leaves Golden State -- perhaps a necessity unless the Warriors are willing to pay huge gobs of luxury tax or Iguodala is willing to sign for only a year or two -- fit will be a huge concern. Iguodala needs to be on a team with plenty of scoring and shooting. You wonder if Boston would make a run at him if the Hayward and Paul George gambits fall through.

5. C.J. Miles

It seems impossible that C.J. Miles just turned 30 at the end of the regular season. The power of the preps-to-pro black mirror knows no bounds.

Miles is just a very solid NBA wing: he’s quite efficient, will defend anyone you throw at him, and fits in. He never stands out, but every team could use a few players like him. He seems like the perfect Houston Rocket.

6. Andre Roberson (Restricted)

Roberson’s free agency should be fascinating. He��s a world-class defender who is an absolute drain on offense. He can’t shoot, he’s an intentional foul liability, and he’s not a terribly dangerous slasher (unlike the younger version of Tony Allen). He could learn to shoot or cut more effectively, but paying what he’s likely to cost is a mighty big risk, especially considering that defense is cheaper to purchase on the open market.

Roberson is going to get more than Solomon Hill did in 2016. Is that appropriate? It’s not clear that it is.

Of course, the Roberson situation could end up boring if Oklahoma City — who has restricted status on him -- cuts a check before he chases offer sheets.

7. Tyreke Evans

Evans isn’t particularly good at any one thing, but he plays three positions (four in a pinch), moves the ball really well when he’s not pounding it into the floor, and is an excellent rebounder when playing the guard positions (less frequently last season, hence his listing at small forward). His versatility and youth (28 next season) will get some team to talk themselves into him. It might even work out.

8. Joe Ingles (Restricted)

Slow Mo Joe is more valuable to Utah than he would be to most franchises. It’s lucky, then, that the Jazz have restricted rights on Ingles. As Utah concentrates on retaining Hayward and Hill, and perhaps moving Derrick Favors and Dante Exum, Ingles can go out and find a team willing to pay a 30-year-old low-scoring glue guy.

If the offer is within reason and Utah needs to keep the team together for another run, the Jazz can match. If Hayward and Hill bail and a quick retooling around Rudy Gobert is in order, Utah can let Ingles jog away slowly. There’s peril in a fat Joe Ingles contract, but not so much for the Jazz. They are in control.

9. P.J. Tucker

Tucker was a boon for the Raptors as a wing defender, but it’s quite risky to pay big money to 32-year-olds who don’t score or create much. Toronto needs defenders more than most, but Tucker is not irreplaceable.

10. Bojan Bogdanovic (Restricted)

Bogdanovic is an effective, efficient bench scorer. But he’s a minus defender and a black hole. Be careful here.

Robert Hanashiro-USA TODAY Sports

Power forwards

1. Kevin Durant

Durant is the best free agent for the second straight year, and he’s in the conversation for best basketball player in the world. Unlike 2016, though, Durant isn’t switching teams. He’s relishing life in the Bay Area too much, especially after a dominant NBA playoffs run and championship.

2. Blake Griffin

Griffin is a majestic scorer and rebounder and one of the best passing big men in the league, but he hasn’t played anything close to a full season since 2014. He’s a max-contract player regardless. His health will likely determine whether that works out for whichever team signs him, be it the Clippers or another squad. Griffin would be an amazing fit in Miami.

3. Paul Millsap

Millsap is a top two-way power forward whose shooting efficiency has slipped as Atlanta has hemorrhaged talent. Put him in the right setting and his efficiency could bounce right back. The risk here is due to his age -- he’s 32 — and his inability to develop consistent three-point marksmanship. His excellent defense makes up for it, but there’s a chance that Millsap could become an anchor on the back end of his contract if he loses a step and can’t guard agile bigs going forward.

4. Serge Ibaka

Ibaka salvaged his contract year by playing well down the stretch for Toronto after getting lost in the Orlando morass for the first half. Serge remains a top-notch defender despite losing an edge over the years, and his jumper is reliable. (It’s worth noting that Ibaka is a superior deep shooter to Millsap.) He’s had just one major injury over eight seasons, and will be just 28 years old next season.

Ibaka’s going to get a massive contract, and odds are he’ll avail himself well. He’d be a lovely fit in Denver, Portland (if they can find some flexibility), or Minnesota. Don’t sleep on the possibility of a rebuilding team deciding to leverage cap space to outbid better teams and lock him in at a max contract given his age. Sacramento and Phoenix could be contenders there.

5. Danilo Gallinari

The Rooster is one of the best stretch four scorers when he can stay healthy, which has unfortunately been a problem. Gallinari was really efficient last season, but missed 19 games. He’s a minus on defense, which makes him an imperfect fit in Denver, which needs some defensive help in a bad way. Beyond that, it just feels as though the Nuggets are ready to move on from the Gallinari era.

The Rooster can play either forward position, and might be a nice consolation prize for a team that doesn’t land Hayward or Griffin. The Jazz could end up being a nice fit.

6. JaMychal Green (Restricted)

Green is a role player, but a high-level one. He’s highly efficient at low volume and can defend well. Green is a solid rebounder at power forward, but shouldn’t be asked to move the ball or create his own shot. He needs to be featured in a unit that has enough scoring and passing around him. It’s hard to imagine him being better anywhere else than he is in Memphis, where he was a godsend last season. He’s a restricted free agent, so the Grizzlies should have no problem keeping him.

7. Dirk Nowitzki

Dirk isn’t leaving Dallas — the belief is that he will sign a new two-year deal with the Mavericks to finish out his contract. He’s still a strong supplemental scorer and a locker room legend. Thank goodness the Mavericks won’t let some team Ewing On The Sonics or Hakeem On The Raptors him.

8. James Johnson

Wyoming’s finest was a revelation for the Heat as he remade his body and found scoring and playmaking touch that hadn’t been evident in his previous NBA stops. Defense is Johnson’s bread and butter, but he can shoot and slash too and he’s one of the better big man passers available this summer. Miami appears to be aiming toward a more star-level forward with eyes on Hayward and Griffin; that could lead another team to poaching Johnson early in free agency. If not, the Heat will be glad to give him a salary boost to stick around.

9. Zach Randolph

Z-Bo is soon to be 36 years old, but the dude still gets buckets. He transitioned well into a bench role last season and would be a huge pick-up for a contending team if he decides to take a big pay cut.

10. Taj Gibson

Gibson is a solid defender at power forward who can hit mid-range jumpers and stay out of the way on offense. He could be a nice role player for a team with scoring punch like Minny, Denver, or Washington. It’ll be interesting to see how much the Thunder are willing to spend to re-sign him.

11. Nikola Mirotic (Restricted)

Mirotic needs to be a better long-range shooter to justify his minutes and volume. You wonder how much of his lower clip from deep has to do with Chicago’s lack of spacing -- he was often the only Bull on the floor who was even a threat from deep. Things could look better with a different supporting cast. Otherwise, Mirotic is an anemic rebounder and poor defender. He’s there to hit shots.

12. Michael Beasley

The Michael Beasley rejuvenation continues. He’s a nice bench scorer who can step out to the three-point line (though he doesn’t do it often). Beasley is basically interchangeable with Marreese Speights.

13. Amir Johnson

Johnson is all about defense. He was a starter on a No. 1 seed, but so was Zaza Pachulia. Amir is better than that, though his value will be purely situational. It’s unlikely Boston can afford to pay him or prioritize him, which means he’ll be looking for a new fit on the market. Pairing him with score-first bigs — like in Charlotte, perhaps — could be fruitful.

14. Ersan Ilyasova

The scrap heap stretch four puts up decent numbers wherever he goes. He’s been a solid rebounder in the past two, though he’s not a reliable defender. You’d be glad to have him in your rotation.

15. Patrick Patterson

Two-Pat is an efficient shooter, but has remained at low volumes his entire career. He’s an undersized but active defender, and he’s pretty young at 28 years old. Patterson is a major candidate to go to a franchise where he’ll work himself into excellent shape, boost his per-game numbers, and set himself up for a payday in one year. Consider him the next James Johnson (replacing the passing with shooting).

16. Jeff Green

JEFF GREEN.

Jerome Miron-USA TODAY Sports

Centers

1. Nerlens Noel (Restricted)

It speaks to the low depth of centers on the free agent market that Noel is easily No. 1 on this list. A top-level defender, Noel doesn’t do anything he can’t. He’s somewhere between Tyson Chandler and Bismack Biyombo. Noel’s yet to have a really good point guard to set him up off picks-and-rolls -- perhaps within a couple years, Dallas draftee Dennis Smith will get there and boost Noel’s scoring output to double-digits.

Dallas will pay whatever it takes to keep Noel, a restricted free agent. He’s going nowhere.

2. Pau Gasol

Gasol’s defense has fallen off considerably (not that it was ever elite), but he remains quite effective as a scorer, rebounder, and passer as he approaches his 37th birthday. The Spurs have apparently worked out a deal to re-sign him after he graciously opted out of a mammoth contract, so expect to see Pau stay in the silver and black for a couple more seasons.

3. Kelly Olynyk (Restricted)

Olynyk’s per-game numbers mask his solid production — he’s just never been a featured player for Brad Stevens. Given a bigger role elsewhere, he could be a 14-8 center at relatively high efficiency given how many threes he shoots. He’s 26 (older than you’d expect from a restricted free agent) and his defense is a mixed bag. But he should probably be a starter in the NBA at his point in his career. Phoenix could be an interesting fit.

4. Mason Plumlee (Restricted)

Denver traded Jusuf Nurkic and a first-round pick for the right to pay Mason Plumlee in free agency, so they’d better do so. Of course, this constitutes falling right into the sunken cost fallacy. Christian Laettner 2.0 is getting a $60-80 million offer sheet from someone; the Nuggets will have to decide what to do at that point.

5. Nene

Nene played on a discount for the Rockets and proved his worth coming off the bench behind Clint Capela. The combination of his age (nearly 35) and frequent injuries will scare teams off from making a big long-term commitment, but he’s a very solid option as a mid-cost starter or top reserve.

6. Dewayne Dedmon

Dedmon will be a fascinating free agent case. He’ll be 28 next season. He’s one of the very best rebounders in the league and a damn good rim protector. But he’s also a foul machine -- it’s not so much his offensive constraints that keep him off the foul as it is his propensity to hack.

There is definitely a huge danger that some team falls in love, tests the Spurs’ loyalty, and gets burned with a bad contract. Alternately, a new team could unlike some hidden finishing talent in Dedmon’s bones and turn him into the next Hassan Whiteside.

7. Marreese Speights

When you need buckets there is only one man to call.

8. Alex Len (Restricted)

Like Dedmon, Len’s problem staying on the floor is often foul trouble. Avoiding fouls can usually be learned. Len’s a nice little scorer and excellent rebounder who is just 24. Phoenix has the right to match, as Len is a restricted free agent. The most obvious solution is for the Suns to offer up a reasonable multi-year extension, but never count out the opportunity for a franchise with cap space to shake things up. No matter the era, young big men in the NBA make teams act crazy.