#a sensational result is implemented by what to the... well. reader anyway.

[makeroomforthejolyghost]

“All I was trying to say is that it’s bizarre and upsetting when the body goes off on its own accord, living with no connection to one’s soul and putting on airs—like a heart pounding for no purpose whatever. One literally searches for some reason for it, some emotional stimulus, a feeling of joy or fear, that could justify it, so to speak—at least that’s how it is with me, I can only speak for myself.”

[moonlightreal]

Alfea library- Elementary Hexes

Gotta have some curses for the witches, of course!  There was a “Cloud Tower” section of the message board, but of course no one was allowed to say anything very evil.  I have no idea how these “books” came about, who wrote them and how.  But I feel like they were written with a lot of thought and heart, not just thrown out silly because the writer thought their readers were dumb kids.

Elementary Hexes by I.M. Medusa

In this volume of Elementary Hexes, basic mischief making hexes will be covered. Every aspiring wicked witch should include these spells in her repertoire. Most of these hexes act a little slower than more advanced hexes; however, the results are well worth the wait. Each hex is designed to give the maximum amount of embarrassment and discomfort with a minimum amount of magical knowledge and effort.

Auto Wedgie This first hex is one of the most popular hexes of all time. It has had many names in the past - bloomer binder, knicker twister - that seem to reflect the time and the culture in which it was being used. However, it is now most commonly known as the auto wedgie. This hex is rather self explanatory, and is very effective. To implement this hex, it is preferable to have the intended victim in sight, although, with stronger magic, not entirely necessary. The hex is as follows: "Wiggle and squiggle Writhe and creep Wedgie work your way up Till you make (insert victim's name here) squeak!" Beware of the Return Wedgie! Be warned that if the victim is another student of the dark arts, it is likely to return the hex of the auto wedgie if they can identify the sender. As mentioned before, this is one of our most popular hexes, and is known in Dark Arts schools realm wide.

Locker Volcano This hex is a handy one to know and use, since it can cause mischief and grief in a very short amount of time - if used properly. The optimum time for such a hex is when the person/victim is rushed, like trying to get to another class or go home. This one is also a lot more fun in front of an audience. The Locker Volcano causes all the contents of a locker to jumble up inside, and spew onto whomever opens the door of the locker. Note again that this hex is not placed on a person, but an object (the locker), and the contents will fall on whomever opens the locker door. Many an aspiring witch has been tricked into opening the door of the locker which has been freshly hexed. Do Not Fall Into This Trap!!! The hex is as follows: "Jumble and tumble Insides rattle about When this locker's opened Let the insides pour out!"

Booger Blight There will be times in every witch’s life when they will come across someone who deserves this embarrassing hex. And if they haven’t come across this annoying person, it is a fun hex to use anyway. If the victim is particularly annoying good timing can double or even triple the embarrassment quotient. A really devious time to implement this would be when the victim was talking to, or on a date with their crush. Properly executed, this curse will first cause a tingling sensation in the nose of the victim, which will steadily become more of an itch. The itch will cause the person to first crinkle their nose, then to wiggle it, and they will be overcome by a sudden urge to pick it. If they succeed in not picking their nose, the blight truly begins. Small boogers will appear and the nose will twitch faster and faster until a curious popping sound starts, and the boogers will start to shoot out of their nose, like a popcorn popper gone mad. It is, suffice to say, very effective. The hex is as follows: "(Name of person, said twice) Twitch and tingle they will fight Make boogers pop With all their might As I hex them With Booger Blight!"

Ogre BO A devilish way to get back at someone who stinks – or at least they will when this hex is put on them: -- Ogre BO makes someone smell worse than ogre socks that have been worn for 198 days straight! If you want this hex to last longer than its usual 8 hours, obtain an item of ogre clothing (preferably sweaty), and throw it at the hex victim as soon as the hex is cast. This will keep them reeking for a full 48 hours. The hex: "Plug up noses Make watering eyes Give (name here) an odor That’s ogre in size."

Instant Acne From a scaly rash to a blazing break out, this evil hex covers the victim with acne the strength of which is determined by the strength of the hex. In its most powerful form, this hex is capable of producing large welt-like pimples that repeat everything the victim says. The first time this hex was used, the poor victim (the now famous Arborious Smythen) was driven insane by the constant chattering of his acne. Should you be wicked enough to use this hex, be wary of the protective counter curse, which sends the hex back to the sender in a stronger form. To determine if your prey is protected, slowly and quietly repeat the hex backwards and if they are protected, you will begin to feel your skin tingle—so stop! Best used when the intended is in a moment of stress (while frantically studying, handing in an important paper, passing a crush on campus), this hex provides very satisfying results to the novice and experienced witch alike. The Hex: “(Victim’s Name) shall be the adoptee Bright red boiling for all to see Growing and growing all over thee Cover that wretch in oozing acne!”

Tormenting Itch With a growing and spreading itch, this spell is great a way to mess others up. Devilishly effective and horribly fun at any time, one must think carefully of the most opportune moment to use such a spell. Only strike when your victim is vulnerable, say at an exam, especially oral exam or class presentation when they are in front of a crowd, would be wickedly ideal. This spell causes the victim to be wonderfully itchy all over. Well, wonderful for you. For them, the striking itch comes on slowly, starting in a few places then spreading aggressively around the person’s whole body. The Tormenting Itch usually starts in a hard to reach area, like the middle of the back. This is why it is so ideal to use it when the victim is in front of a crowd. Watch them notice the itch, try to think how to reach it, squiggle and wriggle to find how to itch it. Only, by the time they might have though of a way, the horrible itch has started to grow until finally the whole body is alive with skin screaming to be itched. I’ve actually seen usually calm and relaxed people run screaming and scratching from the room after this spell has been cast on them. It is entirely delightful to see the Tormenting Itch set upon a usually shy and uncomfortable soul begging not to be seen only to find they are drawing all attention with their yelps. When casting this spell, be very wary as it spreads, just like fleas spread, almost silently and unnoticed until it is too late. When casting, be sure to protect yourself with a strong and reliable Anti-Itch spell, and when reciting the spell, feel their itch growing, let the words creep from your mouth with the knowledge of what comes. They will never see it coming! The Hex: “Squiggle and wriggle All over your skin Torment (name here) with itches Like fleas from within.”

Mind Reading Spell This is a particularly difficult spell to perform, due to a number of reasons. First off, the ingredients required are hard to find. Second, any magical defensive spells act like interference, making it hard to make a clear connection. And third, the mind has its own protections and defenses against spying. However, if you wish to try, here are the steps. Collect the following ingredients under the dark of the moon: The tail of the Kamulus Scorpion 3 cups of Leviathan slime A bowl carved from a single piece of either onyx or hematite A branch from a poisoned tree (any variety will do, but oak, yew, or ash are best) One handful of powdered werewolf fangs And finally a clear flawless crystal 5 to 6 inches in length Once the ingredients are gathered, grind the tail of the Kamulus Scorpion and powdered werewolf fangs together in your mortar. Pour the slime into the bowl, and add the powdered mixture. Use the poisoned tree branch to stir them all together. Then finally place the crystal directly in the middle of the bowl, so most of it sticks out like an obelisk. Using your magic, suspend the bowl over a low fire, and stare at the crystal. Then chant these words while holding your victim’s face in your thoughts: Tail of scorpion pierce the veil Leviathan slime to smooth the trail Werewolf teeth to infect your mind Poisoned branch to seal and bind Show me the thoughts within your mind All the knowledge you can find See and hear your deepest soul Reveal to me all that you know The crystal should then reveal to you the thoughts and memories of your chosen target. Keep the crystal with you and you’ll always have a doorway into their mind. But if you lose the crystal, drop it, or damage it in any way, your connection could be lost. So be careful. You wouldn’t want all that work to go to waste. Please note: the Kamulus Scorpion tail, werewolf teeth, and leviathan slime are not found at your local potion shop. They must all be collected with your own hand under the dark of the moon. If you cheat, the spell will not work. Also, if you are an official student at Cloud Tower you will find one of my other books titled: Magical Ingredients and their Significance. It will give you a more detailed description of the ingredients in this spell, where to find them, and any tips on collection and safe disposal.

Audible Thoughts Hex This hex is both easier and harder than the Mind Reading Spell. Easier in that there are only two simple ingredients required, but harder in that it must be cast every day for six full lunar cycles in order for it to take effect. This hex, if performed properly, will make the victim’s inner thoughts, memories, and daydreams audible and visible to everyone around them. It’s fantastically embarrassing and humiliating for them. I love it! Ha! Here’s what you have to do. Collect a piece of your intended victim’s personal effects, like clothes, hair, or a chewed on pen. Stick the item in a pouch made of silk and recite this incantation every night at midnight for the full 6 lunar cycles. Without fail! Or you will fail. Reveal the thoughts within your mind Give them speech and show the blind Your inner voice for all to hear Your dreams made visible throughout the year. If performed correctly, your victim’s thoughts and dreams will be on display for everyone to see and hear. And it lasts for one full solar year. Many sufferers of this hex have gone into seclusion rather than have their innermost thoughts paraded for all to see. Cowards! Have you ever heard the phrase, “year and a day”? In fairy tales that often refers to the amount of time a knight must quest for something, a princess must wait for her true love, or some drivel like that. In fact, it was the phrase that originated shortly after I created this spell. Because the day after the spell wore off, the pathetic victims would be able to crawl back to their so-called regular lives again.

Sticky Feet Hex This hex was a special favorite of mine during sports events, dance recitals and for keeping fairies stuck in place! This little hex basically sticks the victim’s feet to the floor. You can adjust the amount of time they are stuck. If you want them to trip while running, use the spell for just a moment. If you want to lock that annoying pixie in place, hold the spell on your subject for as long as you want. It’s really simple and easy to do and creates all kinds of fun and mischief. Strangely, though, if someone is aware of your attempts to place this hex upon them and is properly shielded, it will result in your nose and ear hair growing to a foot in length and turning florescent pink… instantly. It is not known why this is the result of a rebounded Sticky Foot Hex, but it is. Stick their foot down to the ground Lock in place and keep them bound A little hex called Sticky Feet To hold in place and help me cheat. Say this spell then concentrate your magic upon your victim. If you want a quick stick, then imagine your magic just flicking them lightly. If you want them to stay rooted to the ground, then hold your attention on them like a heavy hand on their shoulder. Beware of holding the spell on too long if you are alone, as I once had the friend of one of my victims dump cold water on my head. It broke my concentration and was rather humiliating. I got him back though. I cast three separate hexes on him all at once, which resulted in his face sprouting lots and lots of little wriggly tentacles. And just before the big dance too! It was delightful.

Torturous Tail This evil hex allows you to inflict your victim with a long, scaly tail. Used for generations across the realms, the Torturous Tail grows suddenly and painfully on the victim and then begins to wildly swish back and forth. The hex does not require a great deal of power, so it is simple for even the novice witch. The intensity of the hex does not change the quality of the resulting tail. However, the tail will vary depending on the mental state of the victim. If they are jealous at the time they are hexed, the tail will be green. If happy, it will be yellow. If mad, it will be red. Variations in scale size and density will give you a clue to their current stress levels. While the state of the victim will determine how the tail appears, their change in attitude will not alter the state of the tail. If it grows green in colour with many large scales, it will stay like that. While this hex is typically used for the simple joy of seeing the victim scream in anguish as they grow and then try and gain control over the swishing tail, it can also be used to acquire information about a victim for future use. For this reason, pay particular attention to what your victim is doing before you cast the hex. You might gain important information that can be used to further humiliate them! This wicked hex shall never fail The torturous tail will always prevail Growing long, ugly, and covered with scale Give (victim’s name) a Torturous Tail! Casting this hex on a group of people is particularly effective as the tails begin smashing into one another, and, if provoked enough, will begin fighting with one another. Now that’s entertainment!

I am forced to apologise. Apparantly someone ripped this hex out of the library book which means I have to post it again. So here it is. Suffering Sneeze Sneezing fits can be amusing to watch and serve as effective distractions while mischief takes place. This hex has the victim in a sneezing fit for 3 minutes solid. This can allow you to get into all kinds of trouble while a crowd’s attention is focused on the retched sneezing. A strong Suffering Sneeze hex can transform the victim’s head into a giant nose-shaped head that amplifies the “hachoooo!” sound tenfold. When combined with Booger Blight, it is a thoroughly entertaining amusement. Should you use the two hexes in tandem, be careful to stay out of the aim of fire of the victim. Things will get messy. Send (victim’s name) into a freeze Let them begin to wheeze and wheeze Starting now, they’ll have to sneeze Make it wicked, please oh please!

Big Feet The Big Feet Hex is an easy, effective hex for humiliating a person and making walking difficult. It works by creating a sudden growth spurt in one’s feet that lasts for several days. The end result is huge feet that are five or six times larger than one’s usual shoe size. The simple Big Feet Hex should not be confused with the Big Foot Hex, whereby the victim grows to 7 feet tall and sprouts an immense amount of body hair. Your favorite shoes Will soon be old news And everyone you meet Will gawk at your feet So large they will grow That everyone will know! Please Note: the Big Feet Hex should not be performed in colder climates where snow is present, as it can have the positive result of creating fun by skiing on ones own feet.

Tooth Decay This hex is perfect for performing on vain little fairies that are obsessed with looking their best. Although it can be used on anyone, this hex provides the most amusement when the recipient has an important function to attend the next day. A slow working incantation, the Tooth Decay Hex takes 6 to 8 hours to fully develop. If performed in late evening, this hex is ideal for ruining someone’s morning. Because this hex is a combination of 2 separate hexes and includes time-released deterioration, it should be practiced by experienced witches only. If a witch attempts this hex and is less powerful than the victim, the hex will bounce back and attack the sender. This hex is extremely difficult to remove, so use with caution. Those pearly white teeth Will cause you some grief For at night while you sleep This hex will work deep To bring you cavities and decay That will make your teeth rot away!

Nightmare Hex This nightmare hex is extremely general and does not specify the type of nightmare the recipient will have. The benefit of a general nightmare hex is that it uses the victim’s own insecurities and fears to customize a terrible nightmare for them. For example, if your victim has arachnophobia (fear of spiders), they may dream that they are trapped in an enclosure full of hairy, venomous spiders. Because it is difficult to know your victim’s innermost fears (hey, it could be broccoli, who knows?), the general hex does the detective work for you. To implement the nightmare hex, you must have been in contact with your victim within 12 hours of reciting the hex. At the time you believe the recipient will be going to sleep, recite the nightmare hex three times while envisioning the recipient exactly as they looked that day. It is sometimes useful to jot down their appearance on a pad of paper after being in contact with them, lest you forget, rendering the hex ineffectual. Have a fitful night You will not sleep tight Your dreams will turn from light To be filled with images of fright The value of nightmare hexes must not be underrated. Nightmare hexes are ideal to use when you want to manipulate the outcome of a future event by instilling fear in your enemy. A common use for this general nightmare hex is to prevent your enemy from having a good night’s rest the eve before a test, date, or special occasion. Enjoy the results of your hex! Your victim will be tired, irritable, and have dark circles under their eyes the day after the hex was used.

Delayed Travel Hex Sound boring? Maybe, but it is a wonderfully wicked way to put the jinx on anyone’s travel plans. Heading to a wedding? Delayed! Off to your vacation? Denied! Trying to get to school or head out on your date? Doesn’t happen! Why? Because this marvelously simple hex simply makes sure that everything that could go wrong, does go wrong in regards to travel. Their car will run out of fuel, their dragon will strain a wing muscle, and their horse and buggy will lose a wheel. They will also get rocks in their shoes while walking, or twist an ankle. Detours and potholes will suddenly appear, vehicles will break down – anything and everything will go wrong. It’s fabulously evil! Point your wand, or even a finger, at the intended victim of this hex. Then say these words while crossing your eyes, the fingers of your left hand, and foot and both your legs. Delayed by weather, vehicle and feet That special person you’ll never meet This hex will slow you from getting there So you just sit there and pull your hair. I have had so much fun with this one. I have stopped marriages, caused students to fail final exams, stopped top athletes from competing, broken hearts, and broken dreams. And it is so simple. On top of all of that, many people believe that the delayed person is lying about their reasons for being late. That adds just another splash of mayhem to the mix. Delightfully wicked. Be warned, though! If the spell is blocked or discovered, it can be turned back upon you. Possible side effects include intense impulses to be early for everything and an inability to find any of your shoes. For some reason, a backfired Travel Hex also seems to attract clouds of sparrows and other small birds, which then make a horrible racket outside your house and whitewash the roof of your house, your vehicle, and even you.

Silent Treatment Spell Ever find yourself in a situation where you have to listen to someone babble on constantly? This always happens to me when I am doing some interrealm travel. The passenger in the seat next to me begins telling me their life story and doesn’t stop until we reach our destination. I never want to be terribly rude by asking them to be quiet or worse yet get up and change seats, so I devised this dandy little spell to save the day. It is called the Silent Treatment. Once performed, your babbler will continue to see you attentively listening and hear you adding in the odd “Uh huh”, “oh, of course,” and “certainly” while you will really be free to do what you really want, like nap, read, or watch the scenery go by. Best of all, the sound of your seatmate will be silenced, and you will hear nothing but the soft sound of waves crashing on a distant beach. Fabulous! While trying your best to block out the sound of his voice, repeat this incantation: If you’ve lost all your patience And you find you start to wince If they’re bounding with exuberance In fact, you’re growing with petulance Simply remove your presence For them you are not of relevance This is a simple convenience Of the joy of distance A pure and simple luxuriance Remove me now from his audience!

Memory Removal Hex This awesome little hex has the power to remove memories from your victim’s head. Let us say, for example, you are caught doing something you shouldn’t have been doing. This could include “borrowing” potions, wandering the halls between classes, or being seen by a crowd during a truly embarrassing moment. This is a perfect little hex to have in one’s repertoire as it allows you to remove this memory from your victim’s head. It can also be used on multiple people at once. If you are caught doodling your crush’s name and you do not want that little tidbit spread all over campus, try this hex to remove the 411 from your victim before they have a chance to leak it all over the school! Eek! Be absolutely sure to have this hex fresh in your mind whenever you are around someone who is known to gossip. Great big vault depository Constantly creating inventory Ready to make it auditory Goodness, gracious, this could get gory! I will not be part of your vain glory! Give me back my embarrassing story! There is the chance of wiping more than just the memory you want to remove, but no worries there. I find, whenever I need to use this spell, I am not too worried if my victim loses her entire memory! Ah! How wicked would that be!

Thought Placement Hex This is the reverse hex to the Memory Removal Hex. Instead of removing thoughts or memories, this is an easy hex that allows you to place thoughts within other people’s heads. This is helpful for when a class assignment might be late. Simply slip your assignment into your professor’s office, and place the thought that it was on time in their head! Other uses include making a crush think about you more, making other people think ridiculous things that they then spout as true much to their embarrassment, and creating false memories to confuse your victims. The hex must be repeated while you are in the same room as your victim and be certain to look directly at them. Should you find they lack a thought And you think that they should not Do not become too distraught You shall place the thought you sought Take this thought within my head And place it there for them instead! When you are performing the hex, you must be absolutely certain that once you say, “Take this thought within my head” you are thinking of what you want their false thought to be. If, for example, you are thinking of the hex, wickedness, or anything else, that thought would, in fact, be the one transferred to your victim! This can be particularly embarrassing if one is distracted by a crush, remembers a moment of one’s own embarrassment, or thinks of a secret you do not want shared. Be warned!

Bad Weather Spell First, a warning: Always be careful when you attempt spells that affect the weather. The results can be unpredictable. You could call for rain and cause a bright sunny day on the other side of the realm. But so long as you cause your intended victim misery, what does it matter if some strangers on the other side of the realm have a nice day at the beach? That said, this weather spell is quite difficult and also quite dangerous. It involves an invocation of the dark side of the elements. It is not recommended for beginners. At Cloud Tower, they wait until Fourth Year to teach this type of spell. This spell will attach truly nasty weather to your intended victim. It will follow them around for days or even weeks if they don’t figure out that they need to cast a banishing or dispersal counter spell upon their following storm. You will need a wand for this spell. Any dark wood is acceptable, although oak works very well due to its habit of attracting lightning. It must be tipped with either a clear crystal or a dark crystal. I like quartz, onyx, and even obsidian (volcanic glass). Just don’t use pink quartz! No self-respecting witch would ever use anything pink! Point your wand at your intended victim and very clearly state this spell. If you mumble or mispronounce any names or words, the storm could lock onto you instead! So be careful! By the first pillar of power I summon thee wind Zypheris the storm gale By the second pillar of power I summon thee water Endrokath the torrential rain By the third pillar of power I summon thee fire Raknerion the jagged lightning I stand as the fourth pillar of power (Your name here) the guiding force of destruction I demand that you send forth your awesome might To cause pain and wreak havoc all day and all night You’ll follow that victim wherever they go The dark dangerous weather will give them much woe. You should see boiling storm clouds form in the sky over your chosen victim. Once the first bolt of lightning flashes, your spell is complete and you can leave. I recommend you leave the entire area, as things could get dangerous for you as well.

Potato Ears Hex Ever hear the saying, “your ears are so dirty you could grow potatoes in them”? Well, with this super little hex, you’ll make sure your victim’s ears are not only that dirty, but that they will grow potatoes too! This is a choice hex for creating immobilizing embarrassment to a wicked soul who really has it coming. It’s perfect for hexing a classmate while they’re giving a presentation, a family member that’s totally getting on your nerves, or that neighbour down the street you’ve just had enough of. Choose the perfect time, as this hex works best with a big laughing audience! Once the hex has been cast, the victim’s ears begin to over flow with dirt. First a gentle little tumbling of rich brown soil and then an avalanche of dirt piling onto the floor around them! Next, leaves and long vines begin to appear and dance wildly around the victim’s head. They will grow longer and longer and dance higher and wilder making the victim wobble in place trying to keep their balance. The long vines will root down into the piles of soil that have fallen from the ears and fly up into the air around the victim’s head. Finally, the vines produce blossoms, and long roots begin to develop the ultra wicked spuds. Potatoes of all varieties will begin to appear! First, tiny little new potatoes, then good old roasting potatoes and finally giant baking potatoes will begin to appear! If the hex is strong enough, the dancing vines will congregate at the victim’s head, and the potatoes will begin to heckle the victim. “Wash your ears!” they’ll bellow. “Use some soap!” they’ll taunt! This wicked little hex must be tried to believe the hilarity that follows! Grow and grow those wicked spuds Never removed no matter the suds Growing and growing Potatoes overflowing! Forget the soap and all the suds! Cover them now in great dancing spuds!

Spitting Hex This simple hex is exceptionally easy to cast and almost always works. It exponentially increases the amount of saliva in your target’s mouth and also causes them to gleek, spit, or dribble much more often – say about 1000 times more often! – than they regularly would. For those of you who don’t know, a gleek is that stream of spit that comes from under your tongue and sprays your books, computer, mirror, and occasionally other people. Imagine your target spitting on their friends, textbooks, and that cute guy they like so much! Humiliation galore! You leak and you dribble You gleek and you spit You look like a doofus A right royal dim-wit.

Worst Day Hex If you have a pest of a pixie that is in need of some mayhem, this hex is sure to ruin her day. This hex not only creates an awful day, in insures that everything that could have gone right, goes horribly, horribly wrong. Easy exam they know they will ace? They’ll fail it instead and be made to complete huge extra projects. Super date with a boy they are totally into? He won’t even show up and pretend he doesn’t know her. Close group of girlfriends she thinks she has to fall back on? They’ll totally dis her and ruin her rep. Sure, the Worst Day Hex only last 24 hours, but the ramifications will last for years! Choose your prey carefully because the more vulnerable they are, the worst this hex can do! Look east to the rising sun and repeat this hex thinking of all the misery you know you’ll be giving her. Demons of Thunder! Creation Asunder! Haurio Dirus! Massalis Miseritudo! Vereor Posterus! Explelus Joyus! Create torture and ruin! Glory left strewn! Not only will this hex ruin her day, but also if you’ve concentrated hard enough on her miserably smiling face, not even a Perfect Day Spell can reverse this truly wicked hex!

Insect Summoning Spell This spell is wonderfully useful. If you want to ruin someone else’s day that is! This lovely little hex summons whole hordes of insects. I’ve summoned swarms of mosquitoes, troops of army ants, a plague of locusts, and colonies of termites. Great for demolishing houses, destroying crops, and ruining picnics! You can specify what type of insect you want, or you can leave it up to random chance. Specifics are great if you have a plan in mind, but the random spell is great fun if you just want chaos and destruction. If you wish to summon a specific insect, you will need to collect a specimen of that insect. Don’t let anyone see you running around with a net collecting mosquitoes or digging under woodpiles for termites. First, you don’t want anyone to guess what you’re up to. Second, and more importantly, it’s embarrassing because you might look silly. Embarrassment is not good at all and will require several hexes on the person who sees you to make things all better. The Memory Removal Hex is excellent for tidying up embarrassing memories. Hold your captured insect between your fingers, and stare at your chosen location as you recite the spell to summon that particular type of bug. Then let it go, or crush it under foot when you’re done. It’s up to you. If you are going for the random option, simply recite the spell while looking at the place you’d like the insects to go. Then chant this spell. The buzz and hum of insects galore Down from the sky, critters do pour To ruin your day, your party, your life These little buggies cause stress, woe, and strife. Be careful when summoning insects like termites or cockroaches with this one. They are not insects that can fly and are quite large. A hail of cockroaches is scary, repulsive, and occasionally painful. Make sure you’re well out of range when you cast this spell.

Clothing Mishap Hex This is a fun little hex to cast on, well, just about anyone. It is super easy to do, does not require any messy ingredients, and works every time. Some of my students have claimed that this spell was used several times on Princess Stella. Her reactions to this spell are nothing short of spectacular. You would have thought she had been stung by a bee or something….the way that girl carries on. Really! This is a clothing mishap hex. It does the following things: 1) Changes the color of various articles of clothing. Usually so that it clashes wonderfully with whatever else your victim is wearing. Or sometimes it is a gradual slide into yucky colors. 2) Stains will spontaneously appear. Use your imagination. Mustard stains, tea stains, grass stains…all will appear all over the clothes. 3) And the most fun, true clothing mishap: Shoelaces will come untied or even tie to one another. High heels will break. Laces will snap and anything that can pop, undo, or ride up will do so. 4) Finally, this hex is combined with a proximity spell. The closer the intended victim gets to her crush, the greater the intensity of the spell. Simply marvelously evil! Mwahahahahahah!!! Simply stare at your intended target and recite this spell: You over there, all sparkly and cool, I’m gonna make you look like a fool. Your clothes will betray you Your crush can’t get near All taste, fashion, and sense Will be turned on its ear. This hex is a great one to combine with the Auto Wedgie Hex, or the Makeup Mishap Hex for maximum wardrobe melt down. Ah the evil enjoyment.

Makeup Mishap Hex This is another lovely little hex to cast any time. The results are wonderful and surprisingly creative on occasion. It is a hex designed to warp and ruin anyone’s makeup. Here are some of the results that have happened when this hex is cast: 1) Colors are changed. Foundation is the wrong shade. Eye shadow is changed to make eyes look smaller and more beady. Blush changes to look like clown cheeks. 2) Makeup becomes incredibly smeared and smudged. It comes off on anything that the victim comes close to, leaving lipstick and eye shadow smudges on friends and foes alike. 3) Mascara runs like they have been crying or standing out in the rain. I have seen one pathetic victim with mascara streaks from hairline to chin. Hideous. 4) Lipstick slides off the lips and moves onto the teeth. Nothing is more startling than bright red or pink teeth on a smiling fairy. 5) The clown effect. This is the ultimate result. All the makeup is transformed into a full-face clown makeup. Only the power of the hex and your imagination are the limits. Simply point at your intended victim and recite this chant: Makeup dribbles and makeup pours Color changes, clashes, and wars Your pretty face is now a mess A clown mask really is just the best. Voila! Instant makeup disaster!

Mealtime Mania Hex This is a relatively simple hex that is great for maximum humiliation. Especially when combined with other humiliation hexes. Use your imagination. I know you have one. This is a hex designed to make your victim’s meal a complete disaster. Have their food rebel, their face covered with sauce, and their clothes ruined with stains in no time! To activate this hex, simply bump into your intended victim in the cafeteria and recite the hex as you walk away: You dribble You’re dull You can’t hold or cling Getting food to your mouth Is an unlikely thing. For the rest of the meal your victim’s cup will dribble, their knife will be horribly dull, food falls off their fork or spoon and usually into their laps, they’ll drop their plates and dishes onto the floor and anything else humiliating to do with food. Oh the fun! If you’re particularly lucky with this hex, the victim’s food will run around the plate trying to escape their fork and knife. The victim will cry out in shock and anger while trying to capture their food only to learn that they are the only one who can see the food running around. Not only will the cover themselves with their meal, but they will receive a healthy dose of humiliation, too!

Imp Summoning Spell Imps are small mischievous beings who enjoy performing petty acts of trickery and spite. They will steal your keys, every other sock and move things around. Moving items just enough so you will trip or stub your toes is especially enjoyed by imps. They are also shy and nervous creatures, preferring to run from shadow to shadow to avoid detection. Some accounts have them being lonely creatures who prefer to travel in groups or at least pairs. They prefer the company of other imps, but would rather be with anyone or anything rather than be alone. Imps are also fairly easy to summon and control. They can be set tasks to cause mischief and mayhem. Some reported tasks have included theft of small items (imps are too small to take large items) such as keys, gems, jewelry, CD’s, Ipods, paychecks, magical ingredients and the odd pet now and again. It is rumored that some imps are more technologically inclined and can send emails, chat using IM, and even corrupt data and take over websites. These imps are very rare, as they tend to be rather old fashioned in their interests. If you wish to summon an imp, here are the steps you must take. All of these items are available at your local ingredients store. 1) Collect the following ingredients: a. Three tails of Carosian Scorpions b. Two red candles with silken wicks c. Five cones of sandalwood incense d. A mortar and pestle e. One tablespoon of imp ichor f. A large jar with lid 2) Grind the sandalwood incense and scorpion tails in the mortar with the pestle. 3) Mix in the imp ichor to make a paste. Put the paste in the jar and put the lid on tight. 4) Then light the two candles and place the jar between them. 5) Recite this spell to summon the imp “I summon an imp from the realms all around To answer my call and make mischief abound Some stealing, some mayhem, a lot of bad stuff You’re mine to control ‘til I call out ‘enough’!” The imp should appear within the jar. Often it’s accompanied by a loud bang and a puff of green, yellow or brown smoke. Try not to jump or cough when this happens. The imp could laugh at you and you’d be forced to waste time waiting for it to stop laughing. Once the imp has appeared, stare it straight in the eyes and command it to do fun and mischievous things. **Warnings** - Take extra care not to let anything happen to the summoning jar. If it is broken or damaged in any way, the imp can escape, ruining your fun. - Make sure to keep your imp in awe and afraid of you. Otherwise it will become susceptible to being stolen away by friendlier, kinder, nicer people. Yuck!

Goblin Summoning Spell Goblins are much larger, meaner, and nastier creatures than imps. They enjoy bullying imps and using imps as items in games, such as making the imps act as tennis balls, badminton birdies and basketballs. Soccer is also another preferred game goblins play with imps as the soccer balls. Goblins are summoned if you want to wreak some serious havoc on your enemies or their minions. Goblins also have an intense dislike for fairies, pixies and all things goody-goody, sweetness & light or sparkly. So avoid wearing sparkling jewelry when summoning a goblin. Oddly enough, even cupcakes can upset a goblin, as cupcakes are sweet and fluffy. So no cupcakes, soufflés or anything you can think of that could be called sweet or light should be in the room. Lamps, candles and low burning fires are usually acceptable, as goblins see them as fire, and not light. An odd distinction perhaps, but such is often the way with magical creatures. The steps to perform a summoning for a goblin are similar to an imp, but more difficult. Goblins love to be summoned to chase imps, so you can use that information during the summoning to make it easier. 1) Collect these ingredients: a. One spider web (spider optional) b. Two cups of spoiled milk c. The tooth of a goblin d. One dollop of nightmare mucus e. Five foxglove blossoms f. One small cauldron (5-6 cups in size) i. Optional – one teaspoon imp ichor 2) You can also add one teaspoon of imp ichor if you know that the goblin is being summoned to chase imps. 3) Put all of the ingredients in the cauldron and place the caudron in a bucket of ice. Then whip until the mixture is frothy and bright yellow-green in color. Once you reach that stage, let it sit until it’s the consistency of month old, previously chewed, taffy. If you notice a fresh bread smell, then the potion is too cold and has been ruined. You’ll have to start again. Fresh bread – ick. It would surely infuriate the goblin immediately upon being summoned. 4) Once you get the potion to the right consistency and color, recite this spell: “A goblin I call from wherever you are From dark realms and bleak realms From near or from far. To answer my bidding Like a good little minion To do what I tell you And strengthen my dominion.” The goblin could appear in a few different places, so don’t be startled. The usual location is within the cauldron. However, it has been reported that goblins have also appeared in the nearest toilet, inside your fridge and even in the nearest cold fireplace. Goblins are surly and grumpy by nature and appearing in the nearest toilet is designed to make them even grumpier. Goblins like to be grumpy, so this is actually a good thing. When you have found the goblin, command it to do your bidding. It is bound to you by the spell, so ignore all it’s attempts to bargain or make up excuses. Telling the goblin that it’s been summoned to chase imps usually makes them very interested and gleeful. Eager even. To banish the goblin, you will need to use the Goblin Banishing Spell. **Warning** As the imp is bound to its bottle, the Goblin is bound to the lump of ingredients - usually stuck to the bottom of your cauldron. Keep the cauldron in a safe place and the Goblin will be yours to command!

Stupidity Hex Ooohhh! This is one of my favorite hexes by far! This particular hex is attached to a substance and affects anyone in close proximity to it. I usually like to use a piece of chewed bubble gum or my victim’s favorite hairpiece or even their glasses. If you can ‘borrow’ these items long enough to get the hex onto that is. Once you have the item, stare at it with your eyes glazed and crossed. This is very important. The more crossed your eyes, the stronger the spell. Hold the item before you then bend down so that you are staring at the item upside down. Seems silly right? Well it is. That is why I always do this spell in a private place. Bathroom stalls at school used to work well for me. Now I do them in the workroom of my tower. Here are the steps before reciting the hex: 1) Acquire an item to attach to your victim 2) Cross your eyes and stare as best you can in the direction of the item 3) Bend over and look at the item upside down 4) Recite this spell “The blood goes rushing from your head You’re almost as smart as the walking undead You’re as foggy and stupid as I want you to be What brainpower you’ve got Comes rushing to me.” Your victim becomes shockingly dumb for as long as the item is on them. And you get some extra smarts for a while. It is fabulous to do before tough exams. The hex gives you that little extra smarts boost without actual cheating! I’ve even stuck cursed gum to the bottom of a desk chair, so that every time this one particularly obnoxious fairy came to school, she instantly became dumb as a stump in class. Once the item has been discovered, however, it is quite easy to de-hex with any of the spell removal incantations. So do not expect the hex to last forever. But it is wicked fun while it lasts!

Gossip Hex Ever find yourself at a party with a gossip? You know the ones. They are constantly chattering about everyone else and half of what they say is not even true! It is all fun and games while they are talking to you but the next thing you know they are talking about you! Put a stop to a gossip with this perfect hex that will have her spilling her most valuable secrets for all to hear! I guarantee she will not be keen to gossip at the next party! To perform this hex, you have to be within twenty feet of the gossip. It can be hard to be this close and recite the hex if you are at a smaller gathering, so you might want to find a partner in crime to distract the gossip when you perform the incantation. This hex is usually fairly easy to do at a party of more than fifteen without being noticed. Fix your eyes to the gossip and recite the incantation at a moment when you believe she is gossiping. You can tell because her eyes will become really big, she will move in towards the people she is talking to and begin to whisper, and she will make very small but excited hand gestures. When you see her in action, recite: Put an end to all this chatter And your vicious endless natter! Shut your yap Go take a nap! Leave it be Come back to reality! When you finish the incantation one of the following things will occur. First, she could turn to the room and shout, “My name is Sue! Really, it’s true!” which means she was not gossiping and she never really has. In this case, you have mistaken your mark and tried to hex someone who is not a gossip. Shame on you! Second, she could begin to giggle hysterically while scratching her forehead. This means she is a horrible gossip but you did not catch her in the act. Try again before she uses a protection spell! The third possibility is that you caught a true gossip in the act and she has now been Gossip Hexed! I recommend you go and grab a nice glass of punch and a snack because you are in for one heck of a show. She will begin by declaring her affections for her crush. Right to him! Then she will tell you all her most valuable secrets in reverse order. For example, she might start with something she did or felt a few minutes prior and end up with great long stories about how she sucked her thumb until she was six! If she is a moderate gossip, her rant about her secrets will only go on for a few minutes, but if she is a truly awful gossip, she could go on for hours! Records show three days as being the longest one, and you would not believe the things she said! Good luck and remember this hex is waiting for you next time you feel like gossiping, too!

Bad Mood Hex This particular hex is lots of fun. Well, lots of fun if you are the one casting it. It also has two different options that you can use. The first option is great if you are in a bad mood. The hex will take all those bad feelings and give them to someone else. You will not end up all giddy and stupid happy, but you will be back to your normal maliciously gleeful self. To rid yourself of this bothersome mood, just find some annoyingly happy fairy and focus your concentration on her. Or find a happy go lucky hero and ruin his day. Cross the little fingers of both hands and point them at your target. Then recite this hex: The bad mood that I’m feeling I pass it on to you. The grumpies and the weepies So I will not feel blue. The second option is just as fun, but doesn’t transfer your bad feelings to someone else. This is perfect for a time when you are not feeling particularly bad, but you just really want someone else to feel lousy. It makes the target sad and mad and you get to remain as wicked as ever. Again with your little fingers crossed, recite: You’re too happy You’re glowing That just makes me sick So you over there Will be sad, grumpy and ick. If you concentrate hard enough, you can actually make the target victim sad, mad, and even queasy. Now go out and have a super happy day and make someone else’s day miserable.

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The Common Wisdom About Russia Is Not Wise: Looking beyond the propaganda

(Volume 24-03)

By Chris Westdal

I write here first about the popular narrative of Russia as an aggressive marauder; second, about Ukraine on the brink; third, about the plans for détente of President Trump; and, along the way, about Canada’s roles in all this drama.

The Common Wisdom Isn’t Wise

I encourage readers to take a hard, sceptical look at the prevailing, ubiquitous Western narrative that Vladimir Putin is a demon, killer, thief, dictator, war criminal and fixer of U.S. elections and that the Russia he’s led for 17 years is a malignant, aggressive marauder bent on domination in eastern Europe and far beyond.

Vladimir Putin is no choirboy; no great power leader ever is. The president of Russia is many other things: a patriot, a patriarch — Tsar Lite, say — formidably intelligent, informed and articulate, pragmatic above all, a proven leader tough enough to run the vast Federation, ruthless if need be in serving its interests, and genuinely popular. Putin is also, proudly, a spy — and deception is an essential tool of espionage. So, of course, those “little green men” were Russian – but, of course, Moscow won’t say so. As Putin explained at a Munich Security Conference, “We’re all adults here.”

What’s more, beyond its leader, there is much we may not like in Russia’s domestic politics or in the unapologetically brutal, few-holds-barred way it wages war.

But still, I find the current narrative about Russia’s role in the world overblown, full of exaggeration about Russia’s record, motives and capabilities, while blind to its obvious economic, demographic and security vulnerabilities and its necessarily defensive strategic posture.

That narrative is also notably ahistorical, blithely ignoring the provocations which have led to what’s labelled Russian “aggression” — the vast expansion of NATO, a congenitally Russo-phobic nuclear military alliance; the unilateral abrogation of the Anti-Ballistic Missile (ABM) Treaty, messing with Moscow’s perception of its nuclear security, and the forward deployment of missile defence (in Romania and Poland, to counter a threat from Iran, we’d have Moscow believe); and the billions spent stoking anti-Russian sentiment and regime change in Russia’s neighbourhood.

There has been much blood shed since the Maidan picked a fight with Moscow three years ago — a fight it can’t win — but the facts remain that Kyiv can’t make the (increasingly distracted and exasperated) West care more — and can’t make the Kremlin care less. We are not going to fight World War III for the Donbas. And the Kremlin, under any sensate leader, is not going to stop defining the geostrategic orientation of Ukraine, all of Ukraine, as a matter of fundamental national security. Call Russia’s reaction “aggression” if you will, but as we grew NATO by leaps and bounds, what did we expect? That Russia would just roll over in the face of obvious strategic calamity and meekly agree to rent historic Sevastopol, the Crimean base of its Black Sea Fleet, from a member of NATO?

Like them or not, theory aside, major powers’ zones of influence are real. We Canadians know that; we live in one. In the real world, Kyiv has about as much freedom to undermine Moscow’s security as Ottawa has to undermine Washington’s.

 Ukraine on the Brink

Take a hard look too at the catastrophic circumstances of Ukraine and at the record and results of a quarter century of massive, sustained Western intervention, including our own. They must surely lead you to humility about our comprehension of Ukraine and our ability to mind its business.

In brief, the U.S. colony in Kyiv, the multibillion-dollar Western project there, of which we’re a vocal part, is a heartbreak, a corrupt oligarchy, unreformed, highly centralized (without even elected regional governors), littered with arms, full of hard men without jobs, ready recruits for private militias, and dominated by ethnic nationalists bitterly opposed to vital national and regional reconciliation.

More of the same from us will make no sense. In a hole, stop digging. At the very least, do no more harm. Our record proves we don’t have a clue how to solve Ukraine’s problems. They’ll have to be solved — or not — by Ukrainians.

For President Petro Poroshenko, meanwhile, let us spare a prayer. With a 13 per cent approval rating, the economy in tatters, and U.S. and EU support fading, Poroshenko knows he has to do a deal with Russia, has to implement the Minsk peace plan. Yet he dare not even say so, let alone act. The Rada (Ukraine’s parliament) is adamantly opposed. In Kyiv these days, federalism and decentralization, at the core of Minsk implementation, are four-letter words.

We should do what we can to help him. We have no influence in Moscow — and it will be some time before we recover much — but we do have some clout in Kyiv. We should use it to counter lethally exclusive ethnic Ukrainian nationalism, to which we should stop pandering. We should use it as well to suggest proven Canadian solutions such as inclusion, accommodation and federalism.

And we should use it to promote essential reconciliation with Russia. No country in the world has more profound interest in good relations with Russia than Ukraine. None has more interest in East–West accord. None has more to gain by an end to this ruinous East–West tug of war. None has more interest in a better fence between Russia and NATO — a “mending wall” in Robert Frost’s phrase. Canada should aim for a new deal in which Ukraine, rather than having to make an impossible choice, gets to trade well with both Europe and Russia, while posing a security threat to neither, a deal in which Ukrainians get the space and peace and quiet they need to reunite, to recover, to reform and to succeed. By all means, bilateral and multilateral, that should be our goal.

 Donald Trumps the World   

Despite entrenched bipartisan opposition, President Trump has appeared determined to achieve a measure of détente with Russia, to fight ISIS with it, to trade with it, to seek peace in Ukraine with it — to lower the temperature and tension and head off more Cold War. For the good of all concerned, especially Ukrainians, we should help him do so. Far from “sacrificing” Ukraine, as critics will claim, détente would permit its salvation.

We should help Trump deter Russia too, responding to his demand — and that of General James Mattis at NATO in Brussels — by spending more on defence. In my view, we have to do so anyway, if only to build a Navy and Coast Guard fit for the three oceans we have to sail.

As NATO Secretary-General Jens Stoltenberg insists, there is no contradiction between détente and deterrence. One day, one may eliminate the other, but we’re not there yet. NATO’s not going away any time soon. It will go on balancing and deterring Russian power and ambition.

Meantime, as we do our bit for deterrence, we should also do our bit for détente — and keep our priorities straight about the two. As Defence Minister Harjit Sajjan said at last year’s NATO Summit in Warsaw, the work behind the scenes to re-establish a NATO dialogue with Russia “really is the most critical piece. We need to make sure the tensions are reduced because it doesn’t help anybody.”

Exactly. Détente is a lonely cause these days — and Donald Trump may turn out to be the worst friend it ever had — but the last thing our sorry world needs now is this new Cold War we’re waging. We’ve got too much else on our plates and face far greater threats to our security and welfare than any posed by Russia — which faces them too. The Cold War blighted half of the 20th century. If we can avoid it — and I think we can, if we try harder — let’s not let Cold War blight any more of the 21st. 

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Seven steps to write your first novel

Joanna Penn

{Article_Date}

It can be overwhelming to try and learn everything at once.

Is it your dream to write a novel? Are you unclear on the process?

Perhaps you’ve read a ton of books on writing or done a class, but you’re still confused on the way forward.

Don’t worry. I know how you feel!

When I started out writing fiction, I was just as overwhelmed as you might be right now. But after 12 bestselling novels, I’ve nailed down my process, so I hope this overview helps you on your way to finishing your novel.

The writing craft is like an iceberg, with hidden depths that you can spend the whole of your life exploring. When you’re writing your first novel, it can be overwhelming to try and learn everything at once.

But you only have to know about the small section of the iceberg above the water to get that first book written! Here are the basics.

(1) Understand what you’re writing and why

Before you put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard, it’s worth stopping for a moment to think clearly about what you’re doing. Firstly about yourself, and then about the reader.

Why do you want to write a novel anyway? What is your definition of success? Do you just want to hold your book in your hands, do you have a burning desire to change people’s lives with your words, or do you want to make an income from your writing? The answers to these questions will shape what you write, how you publish and whether you’re happy with the result.

Consider your potential readers.

This book will not be a journal for your eyes only. At some point, a reader (hopefully lots of them!) will pick up your book. Who are they? Which other books and authors do they love? Where do they find your book on the bookstore shelves?

These are important questions because, however you want to publish later on, you need to understand where your book fits in the eco-system. If you get an idea of this now, it will help you shape your story as you move forward.

Of course, none of us like to think about putting ourselves in boxes, and we all want to be original. So here’s the best way to work this out, since after all, writers are usually voracious readers!

What are the 5-10 (bestselling or award-winning) books that are similar to the story you want to write?

Which authors write the books that you love and are similar to your future book? Make sure that you use authors who are currently publishing in today’s market rather than classic literary works.

Write down your list and then go and check them out on Amazon. Scroll down to the Product Details section and find the Amazon Bestseller Rank, which includes the sub-categories where the book is ‘shelved,’ sometimes described as the book’s genre.

If you know where your book sits from the outset, you know what you’re aiming for. You can write what you love, but you can also write something that will find an audience.

(2) Fill your creative well

“Where do you get your story ideas from?”

This is one of the most common questions for authors and one I used to struggle with. I spent thirteen years working in large corporations implementing financial systems, possibly one of the least creative jobs possible! I felt like I would never have any ideas or original thoughts. I needed to retrain myself to recognize ideas because you can’t write a book without them.

Follow your curiosity.

When you walk into a bookstore, which sections do you browse? When you stroll past a magazine rack or a parade of shops, what draws your eye? If you overhear a conversation, what do you notice about the people? When you decide what to watch on TV/film, what do you choose? What interests you?

When you go to a new city, where do you want to go first? What do you want to see? Do you like architecture, museums or historical places? Do you want to eat the local food or go dancing or to cultural performances? Do you want to talk to the local people?

These instincts are often things we take for granted, but becoming aware of your curiosity is the first step to finding ideas. Once you begin to notice what you’re interested in, then you can take the next step.

Write down the sparks that appear.

These don’t have to be fully-formed ideas. They can be anything from quotes to sensations, to places or things that you see. I use Moleskine notebooks (always plain paper!) and also the Things app on my iPhone, as well as taking pictures which I post on Pinterest and Flickr when I travel.

These ‘sparks’ can become part of stories over time. For example, when I visited the Hunterian Museum in London a few years ago, I wrote down the sensation I felt when I looked at the medical specimens in jars.

That location and those specimens became the basis of Desecration, my first crime thriller, a murder mystery with an anatomical theme. One of the characters, Blake Daniel, came to me fully formed after I visited the British Museum and wondered what it would be like to work there.

Trust that other people find the same things interesting.

Whatever you’re into, there are people online who love those things too. Your ideal reader doesn’t have to be in your town. They might even be on the other side of the world!

I always thought I was a bit weird because I enjoy visiting graveyards. I find them beautiful, peaceful places and I bring this awareness of death into my fiction. It turns out that a lot of other people enjoy graveyards too, and when I started sharing pictures and writing about them, I found a whole new community!

Once you’ve tuned into your curiosity and started writing down your ideas, you’ll find that they coalesce into potential stories over time.

(3) Write a story, not just a pile of words

Professional editor, Harry Dewulf, recently told me about the biggest problem he finds with manuscripts from first-time authors. “They give me a load of typing, instead of a story.”

And prize-winning literary writer Flannery O’Connor said, “Most people know what a story is until they sit down to write one.”

So even if you have read thousands of books, it’s still hard work to write a story that readers love.

Too many writers try to start a novel by writing words on the page with no direction and soon run out of steam, wondering what’s wrong. This is where you need to understand the basics of story structure but don’t worry, it doesn’t have to be complicated.

Consider what you love about your favorite books as a reader.

How do the books begin and end? Why do you want to turn the pages? Is the book a series? Why do you crave these types of books?

For example, I write supernatural thrillers and my ARKANE series has been described as ‘Dan Brown meets Lara Croft.’ Readers of my books also like Steve Berry, James Rollins, Clive Cussler and James Patterson, authors of fast-paced adventure thrillers, many with an edge of the supernatural.

This type of story usually has a single protagonist who has to save the world before the bad guys destroy everything. There’s a ticking clock which keeps the plot moving, and puzzles to solve, as well as global locations and a final confrontation between good and evil. This fits with the expectations of readers who like supernatural thrillers.

Another great example is the romance genre, where the readers are some of the most voracious and demanding in the publishing business. If you want to satisfy romance readers, then you need to deliver the HEA, the Happily Ever After, as well as obligatory scenes like the first kiss.

Use classic story structure to expand on your ideas.

The Three Act Structure goes all the way back to Aristotle’s Poetics, and the best-loved stories follow this tried and true path. Structure and boundaries help you to be more creative, and you’ll find it easier to come up with the various aspects of your story if you follow it.

As an example, consider The Hunger Games. The book opens in the ordinary world of Panem, where Katniss is hunting for food for her family in a district oppressed by a central government. Then Prim is chosen for the Reaping, which is the Inciting Incident as Katniss has to make a choice that then propels her into the story. Act Two of the book is the preparation for the Games and the obstacles of the arena itself, where Katniss has to fight to survive. She faces death rather than leave Peta behind and in the Climax, defeats President Snow and wins the Games, returning to the real world of the district at the end, forever changed.

This same story structure is used for many bestselling books and films, so it’s definitely worth using to help you finish your first book. After all, if it ain’t broke …

(4) Write a character that people want to spend time with

If you want readers to want to spend their precious time on your book, then you have to write a character that keeps them engaged. This doesn’t mean that you need a goody-goody-two shoes perfect person, but you do want to write a compelling, authentic protagonist that hooks the reader, so they are desperate to know what happens next in the character’s world.

Use one main character.

The multiple character arcs of Game of Thrones might make for compelling reading/watching, but it’s much easier to start writing by focusing on one central protagonist.

Consider Katniss Everdeen in The Hunger Games, or Anastasia Steele in 50 Shades of Grey, or Harry Potter. There are other people in the worlds of those books, but the main characters are the ones that we care about most and follow through the books (and also why these became huge films as well as multi-million selling books).

Your character will also shape the Point of View you write from, and this is critical because every story is different from a different perspective. The bad guy never thinks they are the bad guy, after all. S/he is the hero of their story (think Despicable Me!).

Focus on these questions.

What does your character want and why? What/who stops them? How do they overcome the obstacles along the way? How are they changed as a result of the journey?

Go back to the books you love the most and you are likely to find that these are the core aspects of those stories.

 (5) What happens, why and where?

Once you have a character, and you’ve considered what they want and why, you can start fleshing out the details of what or who stops them from getting it. You can also think about where this will happen, otherwise known as the setting. You can’t just have characters talking to each other in an empty white room. There needs to be action that takes place somewhere specific.

Use setting to bring conflict to your plot.

Game of Thrones is a great example of this. Take Jon Snow at the Wall in the North. The wall keeps out the Wildlings, who fight the Knights’ Watch; then it becomes the site of a huge battle and then becomes the only thing stopping the White Walkers. The ice and snow bring a dark, cold tone to the experiences of the characters and makes life much harder than those who live in the golden city of Kings Landing in the sunnier south.

The Hunger Games also uses setting to derive plot, with much of the first book taking place in the games arena where Katniss must survive the deadly traps set for the Tributes.

It doesn’t have to be all death and destruction, though! In Gone Girl, Nick must find his missing wife Amy, and figure out the psychological games she has been playing as he falls into the domestic traps she has set.

Remember that plot and setting is experienced by the character and the closer you get to the emotions of the protagonist, the more your readers will resonate with the story.

(6) Get words on the page for your first draft

When you read a book that makes you think, ‘I could never write something like this,’ stop for a minute. Because that is NOT what the author wrote the first time they put pen to paper. The reality is that everyone starts with a first draft, and most authors would never show that draft to anyone.

We’ll come onto editing in the next section, but first, you need to create that first draft.

Once you understand that you will rewrite your work later, especially when you’re first starting out, then you can let go of any sense of judgment over what you write.

In my experience, the amazing ideas I have in my head turn out to be a mess on the page. Finding the right words is difficult. And how the hell did my character even get into this dilemma in the first place?!

But you can’t edit a blank page, so just try to get as much down as possible. Don’t obsess over your word choice or how cliché your characters are, just get black on white and work it out later. I try not to re-read my words until I’m ready for the second draft.

Schedule your writing time

Do you schedule your gym classes? Your children’s school events? Your meetings at work? Your social life? So why don’t you schedule your writing time if it is that important to you?

I use an old-school Filofax diary and schedule my writing time in blocks. When I worked a full-time day job, I would get up at 5 am and write before work, because I knew I’d be brain-dead when I got home. Now I tend to go to a cafe or a co-working space and pound away at the keyboard while plugged into Rain and Thunderstorms on repeat. Anything to quiet that critical voice!

Use focused, timed writing

Once you are in your specific place at the specific scheduled time, then you need to focus. No Facebook, no email, no social media, no texting.

You are there to write.

Set a timer and start small, since writing takes stamina and you have to build it up over time. Try ten minutes of typing and just write down what your character is doing in a particular place. Allow yourself to write a load of crap without censoring and I guarantee you that there will some something there worth saving!

Take a quick break and then do another ten minutes. Repeat this until you have your first draft. It really is that simple (but not easy,) and you get the bug, this will turn out to be immensely satisfying and addictive!

Bonus tip: You can write by hand on paper, or use MS Word, but many writers now use Scrivener software which helps you organize and write your novel. I have personally found it life-changing!

(7) “Writing is rewriting.”

So said Michael Crichton, author of Jurassic Park and many other incredible bestselling books. This is particularly true when you first start writing fiction because there is a huge gap between the books that you love and the pitiful first draft you have created. But that’s okay because you can now edit the manuscript into some much better!

Start with self-editing

I like to print out my entire draft and then edit by hand.

I end up with pages of scribbled notes, arrows, lines and extra scenes, strike-through marks across whole pages, as well as grammar and typos fixes. Then I put all those changes back into my Scrivener document, remembering to back up my files along the way, of course! That first edit is usually my most significant one, and then I will print it out and go through it once more before working with a professional editor.

Use professional editors

The best way to improve your writing is to work with an editor on your manuscript. If you want an agent, then improving your manuscript before submission is a good idea. If you’re self-publishing, then this step will make your book more likely to please readers. You can find a list of editors here.

There are different types of edits. A story edit, or content edit, is a great way to check whether your structure is working, whether your characters are engaging or whether your plot has massive holes. You’ll be given a report with details on how to improve the book.

Too many writers think editing is about fixing typos, but that is the least important thing at this stage. Readers will forgive terrible writing if your story is amazing. Getting a story edit is often the best way to improve your work and well worth investing in. Then you can do your rewrites based on the suggested changes.

The next stage is a line edit or copy edit, the classic ‘red pen’ approach when an editor pulls apart your whole manuscript, and you make the changes that will improve the book further.

After you’ve done more rewrites, the book will need proofreading which is the last stage of checking for typos, grammatical errors and anything else that may impact the finished product.

Congratulations, you can now hold your novel in your hand and say, “It’s (finally) finished!”

This article has been a whistle-stop tour through the process, but I want to reassure you again that it is possible.

You can finish your novel.

I know because I’m writing my thirteenth at the moment. It’s hard work, but it’s worth it! So I wish you all the best with your book.

What are you waiting for? Go write!

This article originally appeared at The Creative Penn.

Joanna Penn

Joanna Penn is a New York Times and USA Today best-selling thriller author, creative entrepreneur, podcaster, professional speaker, and travel junkie. For more, visit www.jfpenn.com