#a taylor swift song explained from the point of view of a character

[camilledlc]

Because I love relating songs to characters and analysing why it works so well, I just have to rant about how So Long, London by Taylor Swift is Vanessa's perspective of her break up with Wade. This one is reaaaally long, so be ready for that if you still chose to read this. It is 4,5k of a weird analyse no one asked for. You have been warned :

I think the main reason why Vanessa (that I will from now call Ness) ended things with Wade was because of how bad he was doing. She tried to be there for him, but there's only so much you can do for someone who doesn't want to be helped. So really, it is quite evident as to how this song can be related to their story. I'll go in order of the lyrics, and really dive in with the meaning of the song. I'll write this as if Ness wrote the song herself, kinda. But despite me relating it to Ness, it will also kind of be a study of the song in itself, if anyone is interested in that.

The opening line "I saw in my mind fairy lights through the mist" shows two main things that to me will be crucial to understand exactly how it all went down and Ness' state of mind. The two central element being obviously the fairy lights and the mist. The mist represents this gloom, this sadness that had surrounded Wade, and therefore herself. He was extremely depressed because of the Avengers' rejection, and didn't seem to be able to pick himself back up. Everything for him became a mist, but it also made everything for Ness turn into a mist. Always being around a deeply person, to whom you're entirely devoted, it will take a huge tole on you. Their sadness become yours, etc. And by that point, you may think that there was no reason for her to stay, but no. That's why the fairy lights are here. The fairy lights doesn't represent the exit, the ending of this relationship that would finally brought her peace. This early on in the song, it wouldn't make sense. The author is still too deep into this relationship. The fairy lights are probably the reason why they are still together by that point, despite all the pain that it's causing Ness. Because while the relationship can generally be associated to a mist, there are moments of happiness, of "fairy lights through the the mist". Not all moments are bad, and they are occasions where Ness can see the old Wade, and what they used to have. And she wants to fight for that. Because deep down, they love each other in ways that can't be matched, and they loved each other for so long.

And so, this leads us to the next lyrics : "I kept calm and carried the weight of the rift / Pulling him tighter each time he was drifting away". Because Ness can see that not everything is bad in her relationship, that there are still pieces of what they used to be left to fight for, she tries. She tries to "[keep] calm", to be the rock Wade is in desperate need of. For Wade, it feels like his world is falling apart, as he can't seem to find a purpose for his life, a way to matter. He falls more and more into depression, unable to pull himself back up. The only thing stopping him from "drifting away" is Ness. But on the other hand, she can't keep carrying them both on her shoulders. It "weights" on her, and understandably so. She wants to be there for Wade, and she tries as much as she can to save him. But maybe it's a responsibility that's too heavy for her, and so, the come the next lyrics.

"My spine split from carrying us up the hill / Wet through my clothes, weary bones caught the chill". Those are pretty easy to understand and very explicit. The weight of Wade's sadness is becoming too much for us, and she is breaking under it. By being the only one trying to lift them up, she's going to end up even more broken than Wade. I of course think that "wet" references sadness in general. Sadness is often paired with deep blues, cold colours and a general theme of water--because of tears. With the "mist" being also a metaphor for this sadness, it isn't surprising. But this means that this sadness that Wade carried, this "mist", finally got to her. The "mist" finally reached her and made her "wet", meaning that his sadness started to become her sadness. She "caught the chill", she started to feel depressed too, because always being around someone depressed--especially if you're the only one lifting them up--makes you depressed too.

"I stopped trying to make him laugh / Stopped trying to drill the safe". Another easily-understandable set of lyrics, yet devastating in the context of Deadpool. We know a handful thing about him and how he is generally perceived by others, and one of his main traits is that he's funny. He is always one to laugh, or crack a joke, the one that makes you happier when things are bad. He is the one supposed to make other laughs, but with how bad he feels, the roles are reversed, and Ness has to try and try and try to make him happier, to "make him laugh". It must have been really heart-breaking to see the dynamics in their relationship change this much, see a person she knew like the back of her hand becoming a ghost of who they used to be. And eventually, he started to close up too much to her. He would be 'somewhere else, not fully there'. He wouldn't let her in, tell her what he was truly feeling--despite the fact that she could sense how bad he was doing. He became a "safe", a total stranger that she couldn't figure out, until she eventually had to give up. This is even more depressing when you know that Wade has had tendencies to lie to protect himself and push people away, which he could've also done here with Ness.

All of this leads her to start being angry, and confused, and wanting answers from him. Not the Wade she saw before leaving him, but her Wade, from before all this. She wants to understand : "Thinkin, how much sad did you think I had / Did you think I had in me?". I see this as both a rhetorical question, telling him that she can't handle all of his sadness and that she has to leave him behind at some point. That she doesn't have this much sadness in her to support him. But I also believe it has some genuine aspects of an earnest question, always waiting for an answer. Yet, she will repeat this multiple times, probably alluding to the fact that she doesn't have any. Because Wade doesn't have an answer to that either. She wants to know just how far Wade was willing to let himself fall down while thinking that Ness would stay, that she would pick him up. In a way, I think she felt betrayed and hurt by the way he was treating her, waiting for her to be there for him while he purposefully let himself drown in his own misery. So, eventually, she's angry and demands answer, demands an explanation to all of this, because this isn't the Wade she fell in love with.

And that's why it's so tragic : "Oh, the tragedy... / So Long, London". In this, we see just how heart-breaking their entire story is. It wasn't supposed to end this way, yet at that point in time, she saw no other issues. She didn't want to leave him, but she had to. It was tragic because it couldn't have been avoided, yet she felt as if it wasn't fair, and it wasn't meant to be this way. She can only constate that their ending is tragic, and she has to accept it despite the evident pain and sorrow (the punctuation). And so, she leaves. All of this, only could lead to that conclusion. She went through all stages, from loving him, to trying to support him, to giving up on helping him, to being angry at him, to giving up on them altogether now. She isn't fully saying goodbye, as she still feels as if their lives are too intertwined for them to not see each other again eventually. They both love each other too damn much to never do so, to truly end things here. By that point, she accepts that she must leave, and that their story ends, but she knows the love hasn't completely disappeared yet.

But when she says "You'll find someone...", she does admit that while love may persist, the relationship is over for good. By that point, she only includes him in the finding someone part. I think it's because she herself hasn't moved on from him, and she isn't sure by that point that she can. They know they can't date anymore, but she doesn't think that she'll fall in love as hard as she did with Wade with anyone else. But for him, she wants him to move on and find someone who will be able to handle Wade. In a way, she may feel guilty for leaving, despite knowing that it was killing her on the inside to stay. So she wishes for Wade to find someone who, unlike her, will be able to help Wade, or at least carry his burden with him without splitting under the weight.

I feel that the next part is a bit trickier, so if my ramble doesn't make sense, feel free to ignore it! But otherwise, I think that the lyrics "I didn't opt in to be your odd man out / I founded the club she's heard great things about" are definitely laced with bitterness. To me, it really represents that moment of Wade getting better, and how Ness will view herself into that. One the one hand, she knows she isn't entitled to anything regarding Wade anymore because she chose to leave, but on the other hand, she feels as if she didn't have a choice to leave. Everything was so awful that she had to leave for her own sake, so she didn't opt out of his life. She didn't want to be his friend, but she couldn't be anything else. Yet, everyone--including Wade--will make her feel like it was her decision. Even though they respect it, she feels that they don't understand that it wasn't truly her decision, and that under other circumstances, she would've never left Wade. If it wasn't for her survival, she would still be with him. But now, she is purposefully being left out of everything regarding Wade and all of his accomplishments. People will say that it's great to see him better again, to see him happier, and a true hero that wants to matter, etc. And yes, he did that on his own, but it does feel to her as if it invalidates everything she went through. She helped him for so long, and eventually had to give up. So he got better on his own and is praised for it, but what about all of her efforts? Don't they count in his recovery? Isn't her support the foundation of the person he is today? She is one of the reason Wade found his spark back, yet because she left before he did, she can never say as much. And it must feel bitter to see how much time and energy and love you lost trying to help someone who got better after you left them, after you've had enough.

Which is why we have "I left all I knew, you left me at the house by the Heath". Because, yes, she may have been the one who left Wade first officially, but Wade had left her way before that. When letting himself become a shadow of who he once was, he left Ness to fend on her own, the only one keeping their love, their home alive. The "house by the Heath" represents this home that they made for themselves, it was their lives, their futures. But Wade abandoned that mentally. Yet, it falls on Ness when she decides to abandon it physically. In this whole verse, she is feeling bitter, and angry, and regretful. She left everything behind, because Wade felt like her everything. But she wasn't the first one to do so, and Wade had actually done it before. She had in the past tried to support him when he had cancer, only for him to leave her to bear this alone. So, actually, she was the only one trying actively not to leave, not to let this relationship die.

"I stopped CPR, after all it's no use / The spirit was gone, we would never come to". It implies that for a long time, she tried to maintain their relationship alive, but it was for nothing. "The spirit" of their love had left when Wade did too, when he metaphorically left the relationship. It couldn't be brought back, and even if they had tried, it would've been too late. Their relationship was already too damaged to be salvaged. There is no use to perform CPR on a dead body.

The next lyric is heavily marked by the voice of the singer, showing the anger and resentment growing : "And I'm pissed off you let me give you all that youth for free". For this one, I think it's crucial we remember the context of both who they are in general. Ness is a woman in her mid-thirties/forties, meanwhile, Wade is an immortal guy who can't age nor die. Wade still has the whole eternity in front of him to do whatever he wants, to be someone great. But Ness spent most of her life with him, and now she's getting older. No matter who she ends up with it will be a very recent and new relationship, and it will take time to grow, and so she may have trouble later having the family she'd wanted. For her, it may feels like as if she's spent so many years with Wade, only to be back at square one. Except that for him, he can take the eternity to move up a few square, but her, she doesn't have that time. She doesn't have eternal "youth", which is why she may be so pissed, both at herself and at Wade. It can be very easy to start resenting someone when you feel like you have wasted so much time on them, for nothing to come out of it eventually. And it would be better if Wade was in the same boat as her, because then they would both have wasted time and it would be no one's fault. But she is alone in this, she is the one who gave her "youth for free".

The "For so long, London / Stitches undone / Two graves, one gun" only reinforce this idea. She gave her youth "for so long" and now she's feeling resentful. In a way, it feels like her decision killed them both. She knows the negative impact their breakup had on Wade, of course. But here, she also acknowledge just how much it affected her too. With "one gun", aka her decision to leave, she killed the both of them ("two graves"). Kind of in a "you had to kill me but it killed you just the same kind of way". And now, the relationship that she carefully spent time stitching up each time it split is now completely broken, the "stitches undone".

And so, she accepts that she has to move on : "I'll find someone". She knows how bad her decision also affected her, and how hard it will be to get back everything she lost to this relationship. But she can't stay down, and she has to find a way to move forward somehow. And she knows that it's possible, that eventually, she'll find someone else, she'll fall in love again and that life goes on. It's a way for her to try and find peace, to definitely put her relationship with Wade past her. And by the beginning of Deadpool and Wolverine, she believes that she has found that someone, she found Dermot. Someone good, who is different yet someone she is really happy with. She can fully move on, and so wants to try and befriend Wade, as a way to really put this all behind. Because despite knowing they can't ever get back together, she still has a lot of love for him--whether it's romantic or now platonic, she'll always love him, as he is one of the most important person for her. But it's clear that while she's almost moved on completely from him, he hasn't done the same. And because of the way he still holds out hope for them to be together again, she feels as though he thinks she abandoned him all over again.

So in a way, the upcoming bridge is her way of defending herself. "And you say I abandoned the ship / But I was going down with it" is literally her reiterating that she wasn't the one who left first, she was actually holding onto that relationship even more than Wade was, even though it was killing her, "My white knuckle dying grip". The singer's voice is by then really angry, and I think Ness is too by now. It feels unjust to be blamed for leaving a relationship. I don't think they are blaming her consciously, because Wade would never want to make her feel bad about it. But the sole fact that he's still holding out hope that they work out put the blame on her for the fact that it isn't working out. In a way, him still wanting her and not being able to move on makes her even now the responsible for Wade's misery, which is unfair because she already had to bear it and suffer from it for long enough in their relationship.

The next lyrics will all be analysed as a whole, so sorry for that : "Holding tight to your quiet resentment and / My friends said it isn't right to be scared / Everyday of a love affair / Every breath feels like rarest air / When you're not sure if he wants to be there". This may be a bit triggering, se be careful, but I think that while the original song may be talking about not wanting to be there in a relationship, from Ness' point of view, it will be more like there at all in this life. Wade is canonically a character that has a severe mental instability, a lot of traumas and issues, and he is one of the character who tried to off himself the most--even before having a regenerating factor. He clearly has always struggled with his mental health, and it was even worse during his depression. So when Ness feels scared that because she's "not sure if he wants to be there", she's talking about being scared that Wade would take the opportunity to off himself if he could die. It is extremely scary to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't wish to live anymore, when you never know if they are faking their smiles, planning on leaving it all behind, if you're not sure you'll wake up and they'll still be there. Even while knowing he can't die, it is still a terrifying thought. So now, their entire relationship, their "love affair" is completely overtook by this fear that it will all end at any moment, and also by this need to take every good thing in because they may not last, or there won't ever be any other good thing afterwards. Every moment of true joy "feels like rarest air". Because now, everything in her mind revolves around Wade's sadness, his "quiet resentment" of feeling like he doesn't matter, of not finding his purpose in this world.

But there's only so much that one person can take, and so, eventually, she is back to asking "So how much sad did you think I had / Did you think I had in me? / How much tragedy?". This times, it really feels as though she exposed previously during the bridge every arguments in her favour as to why she had to leave, and now she's showing him all of those arguments and telling him 'see?', and in the words of the song "Just how low did you think I'd go? Before I'd self-implode / Before I'd have to go be free". And those two last sentences summarize pretty much everything : she was self-imploding, so she had to leave and be free. This relationship, despite still having some good moments that guilted her into staying, was more like a prison to her by that point. In this bridge, she seems finale with her explanation, and feels a certain form of validation of her decision. By then, she is certain she made the right choice, and she is trying to show others, and especially Wade, that she had to move on and that still holding hope for a relationship together was just invalidating everything she went through (even if Wade isn't necessarily wanting that, or even realizing she might feel that way. He can't help but love her, but respects her decision nonetheless. There is no bad guy here, just a very complicated situation).

The very end of the song is definitely right by the end of the events of Deadpool and Wolverine. Wade tells her explicitly that he still loves her, still wants her, wants them. But when he tells her he still loves her, all she can think of is : "You swore that you loved me but where were the clues? / I died on the altar waiting for the proof / You sacrificed us to the gods of your bluest days". She may know, realistically, that Wade really did love and still do, but during the end of their relationship, she couldn't feel it. Everything in Wade's life was now centred around his sadness, which is here represented by the "gods of [your] bluest days". Their relationship was too much, and so he "sacrificed" it, because in his mind, there was no room for anything other than his depression. Which is valid and comprehensible, but extremely hard to live for Ness. She was desperately waiting for him to show her that he cared for her, that he still loved her, that he was still with her, like shown in the flashback when Cassandra Nova peered through Wade's mind. She asked him directly for proof of his love, and she eventually had to leave the "altar" because she was dying there otherwise. Wade was feeling so awful that he couldn't remind Ness just how much he loved her, so even now, she can't accept that he still does.

Besides, we know she has supposedly moved on, as she is happy with her new boyfriend Dermot : "And I'm just getting color back into my face". After everything, she eventually felt like a lesser version of herself, beaten up by this tragic relationship. Wade's constant sadness got to her. But now, it's been a while, and she had time to move on, to find her own new happiness. It might be different colours than when she was with Wade, but she has colours nonetheless. She is happier out of the relationship. Yet, she can't help but be mad : "I'm just mad as hell cause I loved this place / For so long, London". It is quite obvious that despite being happy now, she had also been happy with Wade before all this. There had been so long where she thought she was gonna marry Wade, found a family together, that he was her soulmate. She knows it's for the better, but there's also something so frustrating about having to leave something that brought you joy for so long because now it has soured. The lyrics "Had a good run / A moment of warm sun" reminds that. Before Wade got depressed, there relationship was truly and utterly an happy relationship. There was so much good in it, and for a long time, it seemed like it would last. But it didn't.

"But I'm not the one / So long, London". She is here fully letting Wade go, and letting their romance go. In admitting that she isn't the one for Wade, she is admitting that they weren't soulmates who were meant to be, and that maybe it's better this way. She is admitting that even the earlier stage of their relationship was extremely good and happy, it was not enough. She isn't the one for him because she could love him at his best, but couldn't at his worst. And there is no shame in that, she knows now that some people aren't meant to be, despite being perfect for each other in every other aspects. For example, when she sees Logan, she understands that he can handle Wade at his worst, that he can lift him up. At the same time, it's a bit bitter because she wished she could've been the one, but she is also really grateful to be out of this relationship, and yet knowing that Wade's got someone else that will be there for him. She can leave peacefully knowing that.

Then, we have another repetition of "Stitches undone" which symbolize definitely the end of relationship, with nothing holding it together anymore, and "Two graves, one gun". Personally, I always heard something else and liked what I heard more, which is "Two graves, one gone". Here, it would be a representation of how they felt during Wade's depression. He was so sad that he was almost dead, which killed her on the inside too. They were "two graves". But some graves aren't meant to be side by side. She left the graveyard, found happiness again somewhere else. She brought herself back to life by leaving. Now, there is one grave that is "gone". But by using the last sentence "You'll find someone...", she is in a way giving him permission to move on from her as well, to leave the graveyard that was their relationship. She hopes for him that he'll find someone who will bring him back to life to, and she even thinks that Wade found that person already, found that in Logan. Now that she let go, she's telling Wade to do the same. To let her go.

The three different instances of "you'll find someone / i'll find someone / you'll find someone" really represents the progression of the breakup and the healing from it. At first, it's a way to convince herself that she has to leave, that she isn't made to handle this. By then, none of them have moved on. Then, it's her finding her own way of happiness, admitting that she's moving on. And the last one is her telling Wade to move on too. By the end of the song, their relationship has definitely ended, it's over for good.

"So long, London".

[wildflowerteas]

JUST SAW YOUR TSP PLAYLISTS COULD YOU GO THROUGH SOME OF THE SONGS AND EXPLAINED WHY YOU ADDED THEM 🤭🤭🤭

of course!!!!!! this is a bit of a Pandora's box of an answer, so I'm going to keep it going below the cut so that it doesn't drag on and on on the dash

Embarrassingly, I didn't think people would actually look at the playlist. So it's really a jumble of songs that I can mindlessly listen to while I write and battle caffeine addiction. I'm considering re-vamping it to be more vibes-based, but that'll take a bit of work. So as of right now, a lot of the songs on the RC playlist are there purely for their sound rather than the lyrics. It's hard to get in the mood of this fic while listening to my usual tunes ( some would debate me on that, but try writing while Van Halen is blasting in your ears vs. while you're on the road ). However, there are some that have been added for more symbolic/plot-based reasons. *OBVIOUSLY, THERE ARE SPOILERS UP TO 22 UNDER HERE SO DON'T READ ON IF YOU DONT WANT TO SEE THOSE* Here are some of the stand-outs:

Lust for Life, by Lana del Rey ft. the Weeknd for these lyrics specifically: - Cause we're the masters of our own fate - Keepin' me hot / Like July forever - They say only the good die young / that just ain't right The instrumental version of this song is on my YouTube writing playlist ( because I can't find it on Spotify). It's just gorgeous. I put it at the beginning of the playlist because to me, it represents the end of the fic.

Remember Why You Fell in Love by Natalie Madigan - introduced to me by a friend. I fell in love with it because of this lyric: We were adding up sins in the city of angels

Western Nights by Ethel Cain - Trouble's always gonna find you baby / but so will I - To me, a very TSP Dazai song. Trouble's not finding him, though. He's attracted to it, and despite how hard he tries or what opportunity he's given he always comes back to what hurts him. - Also, a song about heading West, which Dazai tries to avoid by globe-trotting in 22 but he ends up in the same place anyway.

Havana by Camila Cabello - STARTED OUT AS A JOKE. However, while I was watching the music video while on call with a friend I realized, well yeah this could be something. - Lyrically, it has little to do with the story, however the feeling of wanting to go back to a place you've never been to, or to a time you've never been to, resonated with me

Serial Killer by Lana del Rey ( unreleased ) - do I even have to explain this one

The Greatest by Lana del Rey - to me, another epilogue-esque song. - We didn't know that we had it all / Nobody warns you before the fall

Summertime Sadness - basically nothing good happens in summer. to any of the characters. - Dazai's birthday, him losing Oda and Ango in the first interlude chapter happens the summer of '56 - RC murder happens July 17th, 1958 - The case gets reopened in SUMMER. But lyrics-wise: 'Kiss me hard before you go' was on my mind from the very moment I started writing this fic.

The RC playlist is not refined at all. It really is just a dump ( like Dazai's shipping container conditions, really ), however the TSP SSKK playlist DB is definitely more in-line with what I want to deliver story/reading-experience wise. Obviously, some songs are there just because they're from the right decade, but many aren't.

Popular, by The Weeknd ft. Playboi Carti and Madonna - I apologize for just how much of the weeknd there is in both of these playlists, but: - I've seen the devil down sunset - Give her a little taste, runnin' back to me / Put it in her veins, pray her soul to keep <- i haven't exactly been subtle about the use of addiction as a metaphor in this fic. Hell, Florida!!! by taylor swift is in the RC playlist ( and specifically, a TSP!Atsushi song ) because it describes escapism. This song goes in the TSP!SSKK playlist because it introduces L.A. from a surface-level point of view, and what their biases of Chuuya are before starting to investigate the case seriously

Moon by the Cab is . . . self-indulgent. that's all I'll say about that.

Cheri Cheri Lady by Modern Talking - 'to know you is to love you' - ALSO a very trippy soundscape. I had it, and quite a bit of Donna Summers on while writing the Tycheron mind-meld scene.

Disturbia ( originally by Rhianna ) covered by the Cab in Punk goes Pop. - you're in the city of wonder - Better think twice, your train of thought will be altered / So if you must falter, be wise Just, a classic song for Atsushi and The AR's relationship in this fic.

Roman Holiday by Halsey, which is kind of a reference to one of my favorite movies ( Roman Holiday starring Audrey Hepburn ), is just such a good coming-of-age song.

Every Breaking Wave by U2 - Baby every dog on the street / Knows that we're in love with defeat.

All that to say, I think I'm going to have to do some serious reconstruction on both playlists in order to feel satisfied with them. the RC playlist is kind of out of my hands now ( as evidenced by my influx of Spotify followers . . . hello everyone ), but I think I can get away with organizing it and stuff with little effort.

[wyllathepeach]

Ok, so my anxiety really did not allow me to get this out earlier lol. Anyway:

TS songs as Ducktales Characters, part III: Webby Vanderquack

(I would like to apologize beforehand for the poor redaction you're about to read, neither google translation nor my brain was having it)

If I had to explain Webby's character, I would sum it up with the concept of belonging. Having grown up isolated from the world, only with her granny, Webby needs connection with someone. She needs to belong or connect so much that she becomes obsessed with every detail of the life of the only person she knows, Uncle Scrooge, in the hopes she finds her place in the McDuck family. But, even when she starts to become family, she envies the triplets' relationship for she cannot be part of such intimate bond. She then clings to Lena, the only relationship she formed on her own.

Webby also gives the impression that her desire for an intimate relationship is the reason she supports Dewey despite not agreeing with keeping the investigation about Della hidden: it is something that unites them both in an exclusive way. It would also help her even more to be part of the family: if she gets to be just like Scrooge, then she MUST belong to his family. All for at the end being cruelly reminded that she'll never be family by blood, and, even if she was, family relationships are not unbreakable (speaking exclusively from her point of view at the end of Last Crash). This is why she needs to bring the family together at the end of season 1: she has done so much to form a relationship with the family, but if the family isn't together then she doesn't belong anywhere.

On a separate point, it is this sense of belonging that she has with the family that leads her to give so much importance to her friends and gives them her complete trust. It is friendship that allows her to have a family and therefore makes no difference between family ties and friendships. Hence her blind attachment to Lena.

Season 2, although Webby doesn't have an active role, is consistent with the former idea in Golden Armory: again she needs to prove herself as an equal to the new family member to feel validated. However, after Last Crash she is never again pushed away or questioned as family and her belonging is reinforced again and again, as seen in Found Lamp, where Uncle Scrooge trusts her with an essential part of the adventure, the same goes for Rumble for Ragnarok.

I don't remember much (and I don't have anywhere to rewatch the series at the moment) about her role in season 3 outside the plot twist that I so dislike (and that in my opinion ruins the message of found family and makes her entire development seem pointless), but I do remember that her fear of abandonment is consistent for Fight for Castle McDuck.

Anyway, all this to say that the Taylor Swift song that would be Webby's anthem, in my opinion, would be The Outside.

I've seen other people relate her to Seven or You're on your own, Kid, and although Seven agrees with the idea of longing childhood innocence once it's lost by the maturity that comes with experience (as seen in Harp of Mervana), the lyrics of The Outside expand the idea of loneliness and feeling like you don't belong anywhere, as well as learning to observe people to look for ways to connect. The song was written about going to school and meeting all these new people and realizing that you won't connect with them and will end up isolated, no matter how much you can offer to a friendship. Just as Webby would never be blood related to the Duck/McDuck family, even though she began to relate to them at the same time they reconnected and her fear of the family pushing her aside eventually.

"The Outside"

So how can I ever try to be better? Nobody ever lets me in. And I can still see you, this ain't the best view: on the outside, lookin' in. I've been a lot of lonely places; I've never been on the outside.

Thank you for reading. Next one should be Huey, but who knows what will come out of that (ゝω・)ﾉ

[crumblinggothicarchitecture]

" ... "You drew scars..." felt, to me, like she was saying "you romanticized my flaws then they got worse after you left." so like, accepting your lovers flaws because you love them for them like a real life regular adult relationship. Then she kind of blames the problems she already had, the scars opening up, on the guy leaving as per usual. ... "

Isn't Cardigan supposed to be fictional? I'm not sure it's about her own life. And Cardigan, August and Betty are all linked right? The same story from the 3 people's perspectives; James, Betty and August girl. I think that's why the songs don't stand that well on their own.

James cheats on Betty with August. August genuinely liked james, but he just used her for the summer. Then he goes back to Betty with the excuse of "I'm only seventeen" and "slept next to her, but dreamt of you all summer long".

In that folklore long pond thing Taylor said that in her mind James and Betty end up together, which says a lot about her and her views on love.

Yeah- I realize it's fictional. Perhaps I worded my last response poorly, (Sorry guys I am running on very little sleep and heat exhaustion rn) but I'm just saying without a deep understanding of the Swift Lore- people will not get the thematic point of the song. Also, really nothing in the song interconnects the three "summer fling" characters- like the only reason we know it's all connected is because Swift said it was- later. It's not self-evident in the song.

This is what I mean when I say without all the extra information- no one would understand her music because it's just not self-contained. It's not strong enough writing by itself- she has to go back in later, with her interviews, and further explain everything. It would be better if the narratives of the songs interconnected just within the songs themselves- but it's all just vague allusions wherein we, audience members, are supposed to guess that it's all connected.

If she wanted a three song-narrative-arc, she should have made it self-evident within the music itself.

It's like when book authors give interviews later and explain that a character is doing something for some plot reason- it shows weak writing skills. People should just be able to enjoy the music (or book) and be able to understand the full plot from the work itself.

Tbfr I didn't understand it was all connected until after hearing her interview about it. Even then, there are like three more songs I could argue are tied into this "plot-mess" she's got going on, only because she revisits the same boring-vaugly late-teen-to-early-college characters over and over.

Everything I said though- about how it's a self-victiminzing song in which we're supposed to root for the narrator as the boy returns to her despite being a cheater- and how fucking weird that premise is, I still stand by. Yes- it's a weird way to view love and a weird way to talk about teenagers making mistakes in relationships. I think it does say something about how Swift views love.

Edit - Sorry, omg, I feel like my tone in this response is really short and negative. I'm not trying to sound like that :S I wrote this too quickly- I appreciate your perspective though! Thank you!

[romana-after-dark]

AHHH OH MY GOD NO IM THE LAST ANON AND IM WASNT BEING SARCASTIC IM SORRY!

I'm also the same anon that gave you the really long reviews of tww and the alternate ending to tww a few months ago, so clearly, I can ramble a lot too.

I sent those reviews during the drama you referenced in your last response... so if you don't remember them cos you had other things on your mind, then nvm.

Anyways, I was just asking, cos I'm really eager to read it! I love everything about tww, but I still want to read the dark romance version you said that you're writing. (and I hope that after you publish stolen lullaby you leave tww up cos I want to be able to reread it... but obviously thats your choice)

Sorry for the confusion lol. I usually read most stuff as sarcastic as well, so I understand what your thought process must have been when you got my last ask. Sorry, I didn't consider that other people might have that issue too. I assumed that was just a me problem.

Anyways, I'm really excited for both books! Your writing skills and work ethic are admirable 😅👍🏻

ITS TOTALLY OKAY!!’

I just wasn’t entirely sure and I was a little on guard, but I like to assume the best out of anonymous messages so I just rolled with it!

I do actually very much remember your in-depth reviews and sometimes I go back and find them because hearing that people actually pay attention to the themes and the details and stuff like that and not just wanna eat. The smut really makes me happy.

Probably the wrong way up because it’s all gonna be different enough I think and I don’t want people to buy stolen lullaby because they can’t read the wrong way. Plus, I wanna be able to see all the nice comments and content that people made about it because that genuinely makes me so happy.

It all started just because I wanted to double in a little bit of non-con, but the story became so much more to me sorting out relationships with Joel Tommy Lorenzo little when and how they all interact with each other, made me fall in love with writing in a way that I can’t describe

If you’re curious, the title comes from Taylor Swift, my tears ricochet. I’m not a Swifty and I don’t listen to a whole lot of her music, but the playlist has a lot of Taylor Swift. That song just so fully encapsulates Joel and little ones relationship. I don’t know if I’ve explained it to you yet or on here, but the title references several things references ones innocent stolen at such a young point in her life by her dad the things that Jamie forced her to do. it references Joel, who, in the story will be called Abel and how the loss of his daughter affected him. People have also drawn connections between Joel’s wires, getting crossed with his need for parental authority and his lost for little one is created a fucked up mismatch of everything in his head of how he views her. And finally, of course, is referencing the fact that little one, or Clementine in the story, will never get to raise her child, and those lullabies have quite literally been stolen away from her because of Joel.

Thank you so so so much for saying such a nice things about me and my writing.

If you haven’t yet, I put up a bonus chapter that kind of explore Lorenzo jack and Tommy’s dynamics for my one year anniversary. I can’t remember if you read that or not, but that will give you a little hint into character stolen lullaby.

Appreciate you so so so much!

[mewsicx]

I wanna talk about how i started translating lyrics.

Anime’s always sth i loved since i was young and being a weeb meant you’re gonna be subjected to ridicule and thrown insults how you lack hygiene, assumed as a social outcast and seen as delusional.

While it’s true for some, people forget there are those who are decent. However, one thing always stays true — the medium’s a healing tool bringing us peace, solace and happiness whether it’s the story, characters, themes, musical composition, animation and the culture associated with it.

During times when i listened to music from anime, i became fascinated with the lyrics as much as i didn’t understand Japanese. I began translating when i realized there were English lyrics online, got even more surprised there were English covers of those songs with people who covered it beautifully. My first YouTuber for that’s AmaLee, to this day i am still a fan but i’ll admit her translations aren’t as good as they used to be.

I learnt through listening to her and other YouTubers who did anime or game covers that it’s a big community, everyone has their own opinion and how they’d interpret lyrics which is basically a bunch of words laced together to provide meaning.

I began translating at 13 and admittedly i was terrible. My vocab thn’s limited and every lyric i attempt end up sounding awky or cringey in general. I self sabotaged as a result thinking this isn’t what’s meant for me as much as i desire it to be, but i tried again in 2016 and discovered i could learn through references then i crafted my own take on the lyrics told from my point of view. By this time, i also took Taylor Swift as inspiration for lyrical content and it’s great reference on basically how to be poetic 101.

Years went by, i still struggle from time to time but i’ve been acing more and more due to practice. Translating now just feels like a second skin, like it’s a part of who i am. Realistically, i don’t have much hope for making it “big” however it’s definitely a huge achievement to be #1 in the song lyrics category on Wattpad. People read my translations, even loved them and that motivates me to do more, to be more and better myself at this skill i’ve learnt to obtain over time.

That being said, i do hope people check out my translations. It in the link below, it won’t take much of your time and i appreciate the little time taken to guess, dissect and hopefully enjoy 👇🏻

[aliwritesfic]

The Night Shift part 11 (F!Reader x Frankie Morales)

WC: 3.3k

AN: Yall I'm so sorry this took ages to be updated, my laptop screen broke and the repair place had to wait over a week for a new one, I hope the end of this part makes up for it <3 Parts will also be slower to come out as I'm starting my next semester of uni on Monday and that's going to take up a large chunk of my time, but I'm still going to try and put out a new part at least once a week

Spotify

Part 1 Part 12 (coming soon) Masterlist

Friday arrived far too quickly for Frankie’s liking. So quickly he had gotten himself into a routine of being with you, and it felt like it was being ripped away from him. Of course, he knew that it would happen, he hadn’t deluded himself into thinking it wouldn’t, but still . . . still he had grown so used to your presence that when it was finally time to “get your shit from that ugly ass motherfucker” (Will’s words, not his), he felt almost depressed.

You were perched on his couch when he woke up late Friday morning, a cup of steaming coffee clutched in your hand, your gaze fixed absently on a point on the wall. He called your name gently, not wanting to scare you. You blinked a couple times, as if coming out of a trance. He knew the look well.

“Didn’t sleep?” he poured himself a cup and sat down next to you. You shook your head.

“Not great. I think an hour, maybe. But like, really shitty sleep.”

“Not fully asleep but not fully awake?” Frankie suggested, having become very accustomed to the feeling during his military time. You nodded, giving him a tired smile. He understood your exhaustion. You had spent every waking moment stressed about the move, online shopping to replace the things that you were leaving at Kurt’s, and then stressing some more. You had picked up the keys on Wednesday and Frankie had gone with you to check the place out.

It was a bright, airy place, seven floors up with huge windows and a tiny balcony off the living area. Frankie had noticed your eyes shining as you took it all in, almost like you couldn’t believe it was yours. You had wiped away a tear, taking in the view of the lake by the apartment complex.

Frankie had come with his measuring tape and notebook from his mechanic days. He measured each room, each alcove where a piece of furniture would sit, and wrote them down diligently with a messy scrawl on a page labelled with your name.

When you had gotten back to his place, you set to work writing down a list of what was yours and what you needed to replace. At the top of that list was a bed, heavily underlined and circled.

“The bed’s mine, technically,” you explained as you clicked on a display photo of a wrought iron bed frame, “but he can keep it. I want a fresh start, and I think I need a new bed to do that.”

“Makes sense,” Frankie said sitting down beside you, “is that the one you’re going with?”

You had nodded, clicking add to cart. The store had next day delivery, and for a small fee would even build the bed for you. You opted for this, despite Frankie’s protests.

“Please, you’re doing so much already, and putting my whole bed together for me . . . it feels like a very unfair trade,” you told him firmly. Once again, your stubbornness had won over. Frankie, rather grudgingly, had to admit to himself that the delivery people were much quicker than he would’ve been at assembling the bed frame, especially after he had taken a quick look at the instructions.

He wasn’t about to tell you that though.

It was almost midday when a knock sounded on his door, followed by the three men he called brothers piling into his kitchen. You emerged from the bathroom, fully dressed and a shy smile on your face. It struck Frankie that this was the first time you were meeting these guys, truly meeting them without the inclusion of alcohol.

“You’re all really excellent for helping me with this,” you said fiddling with the sleeve of your shirt. You had opted for long sleeves throughout the whole week. “Sorry you have to give up your Friday for this.”

Benny was the first one to make a move. He strode forward and enveloped you in a tight hug. Frankie could see the initial shock on your face before it was replaced by a hesitant kind of happiness.

“You like Taylor Swift?” he asked, and you nodded. Benny craned his neck to look at Frankie. “She’s riding with me, if that’s okay?” he turned back to you and you nodded again. Benny grinned and whispered something in your ear, causing you to snort out a laugh.

Santi stood beside Frankie and pressed an envelope into his hands.

“The photo,” he explained. “Again, remember I have several copies, so if you plan on destroying this one, imagine it like a hydra.” Frankie rolled his eyes and put the envelope in his back pocket. You were too busy chatting with Benny and Will to notice, and he was glad. He wanted to surprise you with the photo when you needed it.

Benny and Will had taken a particular soft spot for you since Frankie gave them the bare-bones rundown of how Kurt had treated you. Frankie noticed it now, in how Will stood like your own personal bodyguard, in how Benny had slung his arm around your shoulders, like you were old friends. Frankie felt the briefest flash of jealousy before he stamped it down. Just because he couldn’t – wouldn’t – touch you, didn’t mean no one else could.

“Quit staring Fish, you look like one of those cartoon characters whose eyes turn to hearts,” Santi muttered, elbowing Frankie in the ribs. Frankie elbowed him back, annoyed.

“Alright, gang! Let’s get this show on the road!” Will clapped his hands together. Benny raised an incredulous brow at his brother.

“What are you, fifty?” He turned to you, linking his arm through yours. “Don’t worry, Fish, I’ll drive extra carefully.”

Frankie felt envious of Benny then, even though he had basically had a week straight with you. But knowing it was coming to an end, that tonight you’d be sleeping at your own place, instead of just down the hall. Well, it made him almost sad. He pushed that aside though and forced himself to be happy for you.

As he drove to your old apartment, everyone else following behind, he focused a little too hard on the radio, just to give his mind something to do. A newsreader was talking about how a quick-thinking pilot had landed a plane in a field after something went horrifically wrong with the engines. Zero casualties, minor injuries. People were already calling for the pilot to be given a medal.

Maybe I should renew my licence, Frankie thought. He didn’t want to be a commercial pilot, or a hero of any kind, although the uniforms were nice. But it couldn’t hurt to have it.

He pulled up outside the building, gripping the steering wheel tightly. This was it.

Will and Santi parked behind him, but Benny’s ridiculously lifted pickup was nowhere to be seen. Frankie squinted towards the end of the street, knowing he couldn’t have gotten lost. He had you with him.

Ten minutes passed with no sign of you. “Where the fuck are they?” Frankie grumbled, now worried that you and Benny had gotten into a car accident. He trusted him, but Benny was the worst driver of all of them. He pulled out his phone to text you but was interrupted.

“That’s his truck,” Will said, pointing to the end of the street, where Benny’s truck had just pulled in. The sound of heavy bass reached them before the truck did. As Benny pulled up outside the apartment, Frankie recognised the song as Gimme More by Britney Spears.

“Sorry we’re late,” you called, clambering out of the truck, a tall plastic cup in your hand. “We stopped for frappes.” Benny sipped innocently at his, giving Frankie a look that said he needed to speak with him.

“Where’s my fuckin’ frappe,” Santi grumbled, looking envious. Benny grinned and handed his over to Santi for a sip.

You stood, looking up at the building, chewing on the inside of your cheek. “Guess we better go up. I sent him a text telling him I was doing this today, but he didn’t reply, so I don’t know if he’ll be here.”

“Want us to jump him if he is?” Benny offered, but you shook your head.

“Not right away,” you said, “but if he starts up maybe slap him around a little.” Frankie knew you were joking, but the look in your eyes was one of fear. He took your hand gently and lowered his head to talk to you.

“You can wait out here if you want,” he murmured, “we’ve got the list of what we need to get.” You squeezed his hand and shook your head. Yours was cold and slightly clammy in his own, but he didn’t mind.

“No, I need to do this.” You said. Frankie nodded, understanding. You didn’t need to explain the nitty gritty of your reasoning, all he needed was for you to know that you had him, in whatever way you needed.

You kept a firm grip on his hand as you lead the way upstairs to your old apartment, only letting go when you stood outside the front door, fumbling in your bag for your keys.

At first, the apartment seemed empty of life. All the lights were off, the curtains closed, and the place was eerily silent. You stepped over the threshold, followed by the rest of the boys, who immediately got to work.

As it turned out, Kurt wasn’t there. He remained gone for a good half hour while the boys carried your heavier shit down to their trucks. You set to work stuffing the rest of your clothes into plastic trash bags you had picked up from the grocery store.

Benny joined Frankie in carrying a loveseat downstairs.

“Fish, I need to tell ya,” Benny started, grunting as they made a turn. “She’s as into you as you are her.” Frankie shook his head.

“Don’t do this, man.”

“I’m being serious. I talked to her in the truck. She didn’t say it outright, but you should’a seen the look on her face when I talked about you.” Benny waggled his eyebrows. “And her friend Sara agrees, she’s ‘smitten’ with you. Whatever the fuck smitten means. If you want my advice-”

“I’m not sure I do.”

“-Go for it. Tonight, once we’re all gone. Shoot your shot my guy. Don’t waste anymore fucking time. Sara said she wasn’t even sad about the breakup, like she’s been checked out mentally for months now.”

“Wait, did Sara tell you about me punching Kurt?”

“All I’m saying is, she likes you a lot, you like her a lot, don’t waste this.” Frankie mulled over what Benny was saying. There had been more than a few moments that week when he had spied you looking at him and wondered . . . but each time he had pushed the thought out his head. Old insecurities, respect for you, held him back.

Historically, Frankie had never been very good at telling when someone was into him. He could be literally balls deep and he’d still be questioning it. Even sometimes with Portia, he’d wonder if she really felt the same way he did. Santi, who knew Frankie as a kid, chalked it up to Frankie having a rough go of puberty, not growing into his features until almost the end of high school. By then, whenever someone had showed even a slight bit of interest, Frankie had dismissed it as a cruel joke. Unfortunately, those insecurities had followed him deep into adulthood.

The mood in the apartment had become relaxed, all the heavier stuff, like your couch, TV, furniture, and fridge had been taken care of, and now all that was left was to gather all the small shit. Frankie found you in the bathroom, unscrewing the shower head. You tossed it into a box filled with other bathroom items, the loud clang making him grimace. He opened his mouth to speak to you when yelling from the front room interrupted him.

Your face fell instantly, going from focused to almost afraid. Your eyes met Frankie’s own, and he reached out to touch your arm. It’s okay the touch said, he can’t do anything to you. Taking a deep breath, you squared your shoulders and walked out with Frankie to the commotion.

Kurt was being held back with a single hand on his chest by a bored looking Will, screaming a string of expletives and struggling to land any kind of hit on Will, Santi stood behind Kurt, ready to jump in if needed. Benny was hunched over, clutching his sides in laughter. Kurt finally caught sight of you, standing a little in front of Frankie.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?” His tone made you wince slightly, but Frankie was proud of the way you didn’t shrink away.

“I told you this was happening today, Kurtis, it was your choice to come back while we were here,” you said calmly.

“You’re taking all my shit!”

“I paid for every single thing I’m taking,” you said. “It’s not my fault you never put anything of monetary value into this place.” You stepped forward, so you were facing Kurt head on, but still behind Will. “You need to calm down, you’re acting like a fucking child.”

“I’M ACTING LIKE A CHILD?”

“Yes. You are. You’ve acted like one almost our entire relationship. So you can either calm down, leave and come back later, or my friends will force you to calm down.”

“Are you threatening me?” Kurt spat.

“Yes. You’ve already been smacked down before, any one of these guys would love to be the one to do it again.”

“I’d like to see them fucking try!” Kurt pivoted and lunged at Benny. Big mistake. With a simple, yet effective, punch to the head, Kurt was out cold on the floor. Benny looked up, almost apologetic. You grinned at him, silent laughter shaking your shoulders.

“I didn’t mean to hit that hard,” Benny said, flexing his fist. “But I also did.”

Santi dragged Kurt’s unconscious body to the now empty living room, carefully posing him so he was curled in the foetal position, sucking on his thumb.

“He actually arrived at the perfect time,” you said to Frankie, standing back beside him. ��Cause we’re done here.”

“We’ve got everything?” Santi called, overhearing you. You nodded.

“We’re finally done here.”

~*~

Frankie was glad you had decided to ride with him back to your new place. You were buzzing with a new energy, unable to keep a nervous grin off your face. You didn’t speak on the drive to your new place, but Frankie hoped he wasn’t reading into how much closer you sat, your thighs almost brushing his. Benny had gotten into his head, he knew, and now he couldn’t stop thinking about the conversation.

You were the most beautiful person he had met, both inside and out, and the very idea that you could like him the way he liked you . . . well fuck, it didn’t seem feasible. But then he thought back to the previous week spent with you, and maybe it wasn’t such a ludicrous idea after all.

He pulled up at your new building, parking in the spot designated for you. You turned to him, unlatching your seatbelt as you did.

“Frankie . . .” you started, then leant over and pulled him into a tight hug. Frankie felt like everything you wanted to say was in that hug. You pulled back slightly, so your faces were almost touching. He could’ve done it then, he fucking should have done it. Crossed that miniscule amount of space between you. But then the moment passed, and you pulled away entirely.

You climbed out of the truck, moving to the back to grab some of the garbage bags that held the smaller stuff. Frankie’s phone buzzed in the cupholder, a message from Will in the group chat.

Ironhead: Pussy

Frankie turned and saw Will staring at him. Fuck offhe mouthed. Will flipped him off with a grin. The effort of getting all your stuff up to your new place was considerably easier than it had been the first time around. For one, your new place had an elevator. So even though they had to take turns using it, it was worlds above struggling up seven flights of stairs. The mood was also improved by the fact Will had knocked Kurt out cold. Frankie had begun to wonder if that had become the main highlight of your day.

It was well into the night by the time everything was in its new place. Benny and Will flopped down onto your loveseat, drinking beers that you had kept in an ice chest you had brought in yesterday just for this. You sat on the floor, drinking a fruity vodka thing that Frankie thought looked and smelt like a melted popsicle. The balcony door was open, a breeze that held the promise of summer drifted through.

“Where’s Santi?” You asked looking around.

“He had to get something from the truck,” Will said. As if on cue, which if Frankie knew these boys as well as he did, it was, Santi burst through the door, one arm stretched wide, the other behind his back.

“My dearest,” Santi began, and Frankie groaned inwardly, “over this past day, the gentlemen and I have grown quite fond of you.” What is this, regency England? Frankie rolled his eyes and took a sip of his beer. “And as such, we wanted to present you with a housewarming gift.” With that, he whipped his arm around and held out a vase of sunflowers. Your face softened, then broke into a grin.

“You didn’t have to do this,” you pushed yourself up and pulled Santi into a hug, motioning for Will and Benny to join. You hugged the three men as tight as you could, smiling at Frankie over the tops of their shoulders. Frankie smiled back, raising his beer in a silent toast.

You placed the flowers on the kitchen counter, facing them toward the window. It was just past ten when the three boys left, Benny carrying the ice chest along with the promise to bring it back as soon as he could. It seemed like it was only moments before only you and Frankie remained.

Frankie’s phone buzzed.

Benny: Don’t fuck this up.

Frankie saw you move outside onto the balcony, leaning against the railing, silhouetted by silver moonlight, your face turned towards the breeze that coasted off the lake. Everyone else was gone, and he wondered if he didn’t take this chance, would he ever?

He moved to stand next to you, standing so close your arms were touching. His heart felt like it was caught in his throat. He murmured your name.

“Frankie,” you whispered, your voice barely audible over the sound of his beating heart. Before he could stop himself, chicken out like he had before, he closed the distance between you. One hand cupping your warm cheek, the other encircling your waist, he tilted his head down until his lips met yours.

It was everything.

Your lips were soft against his, hesitant at first, but then you were wrapping your arms around his neck, pressing your body against his. You tasted like candy and those sugary drinks you insisted on bringing. Your touch was like tiny jolts of electricity shooting down his spine.

Fuck.

His tongue darted against your bottom lip, and you let him in almost hungrily. Frankie deepened the kiss, wondering just why the everloving fuck he waited this long.

He whispered your name, the word like poetry on his lips. You were poetry, you were art, you were every beautiful thing wrapped up into one person. He was in love with you.

Taglist: @hnt-escape @sharkbait77 @1800-fight-me @annathewitch @darnitdraco @frankiecatfish @punkerthanpascal @nakhudanyx @gracie7209 @quica-quica-quica @pintsizemama @phoenix-of-loki @procrastinationstationnation

[firefly-fez]

Star Wars Characters as Taylor Swift Songs Because It’s Lockdown 5 Baby And I Have No Ability To Self-Regulate Concentration

Anakin: Right Where You Left Me

Ahsoka: Exile

Rex: Epiphany

Plo Koon: Never Grow Up

Obi Wan: This is Me Trying

Padme: Illicit Affairs

Satine: Mad woman

Hondo Ohnaka: Getaway Car

Yoda: Evermore

Palpatine: No body, no crime

(s/o to @katierosefun because I think she basically invented the star wars swifties fandom overlap)

Reasonings below the cut…

Anakin is very a character that never recovers from any of the trauma he goes through. Whether it’s his mother’s death, Ahsoka leaving, Padme’s death or his history as a slave; all of his hardships cut too close to the bone - he cares too deeply, and a part of him believes, I think; that coming to a point of closure is a betrayal - he can’t accept losses, on any grounds, ever. right where you left me is very much about someone who is stuck and cannot get themselves unstuck after grief, which is why i think it relates to anakin

Ahsoka: exile is very much a separation song; but about the total utter depth of the divide - of all taylor’s breakup songs the divide seems the greatest in exile - and that’s effectively what ahsoka becomes after leaving the order - she’s literally exiled. also the lyrics “youre not my homeland anymore / so what am i defending anymore” and “im not your problem anymore / so who am I offending now” strike me as representative of her struggle of trying to do the right thing, like how she is with trace and rafa defending the jedi even though a part of her believes they don’t deserve it - like when they see the slaves and she makes the comment about how “you’d think” the republic would stop it, but they don’t

Rex; epiphany strikes me as the prayer you make in the worst kind of emergency humanitatrian crisis; like the mental anguish of a conscripted doctor or soldier to a warfront; and by the end of the clone wars he’s so jaded - looking for a reason to believe it was all worth it; like we see in s7 in his conversation w/ Cody and Ahsoka just before order 66

Plo Koon: Never Grow Up has got to be the most underrated TS song ever lol XD. He’s everyone’s dad - especially Ahsoka’s - and he has to raise his lil’ girl in a war zone. He doesn’t want to send her there. I bet he tried to push back Ahsoka’s start as a padawan and refused to be  her master because his lil’ heart could not take the strain. 😭 Obi Wan: Obi Wan is depressed and trying and too much has been asked of him for so longa nd he’s thrown into the deep end too young and he don’t have a clue how to give anakin what he needs BUT HE’S TRYING

Padme: hidden marriage; enough said - but also because her relationship with Anakin is, I think, very quietly self destructive for her, and by the time she realises, it’s too late

satine: being a pwerful woman in politics who is very much is contradiction with the popular view, I just feel like this song is so representative of what she’d face and all the backlash against her. plus the story arc ended her for a man so i ant going to make her song about obi because yeah, she loved him - but shes more than a love interest in canon, shes her own political force

Hondo Ohnaka: I mean. Does this One need explaining?

Yoda: This song is kinda about being on the precipice between not knowing if you’re damned or if your salvation will ever come. its about losing hope and giving up on recovery. its about realising youre lost and being afraid youll never be found again. also the line “is there a line that we could just go cross” strikes me as when you want to give up on your values - the self-destructive impulse that youre damned and you might as well throw in the towel now, to just give up - and that makes me think of the jedi and the morally grey choices they make (clone army, for example) and their struggle against corruption and their eventual failure before it

palpatine; I mean. This song has gloaty ‘I got away with it’ vibes, and ain’t that palpatine’s entire character arc?

[karliesbuzzcut]

(100) Million Dollar Lawsuit

Intro | part1 | part2 | part3 | part4

We are on the last chapter (for now) and this the most chaotic one. Mainly because it doesn’t follow any kind of chronological order (or logical sense), it’s just Russ going in circles for literal years.

But I’ll try my best to condense it for you, so all you need to do is to keep your seat belt fastened until the aircraft stops completely.

Right after the failed Ari lawsuit, Russ goes back to his one and only love: Taylor Swift 💫 And he has learned a lesson — not a good lesson, mind you, but a lesson: small claims courts won’t take him anywhere. If he really wants to punish women for not complimenting his suit, he will have to file a multi-million dollar federal lawsuit.

But, since denying sex from The Russell isn’t illegal (yet), he had to come at it from a different angle. I’m going to give Russ a chance to explain himself first.

Before you ask: yes, the following was Russell’s response to a woman thanking Taylor for visiting an 8 year-old girl who was very badly burned in an accident.

As I’ve always said, it’s okay if you aren’t fluent in Bullshit. That’s what I’m here for.

You see, Russell views human interactions as a series of transactions: I make a tweet worth liking, you go on a date with me; I take you to Olive Garden, you give me a handie for free; I put on a suit, you hug me and smile; I write you a song and sue you, you produce said song. Whenever women don’t fulfil their side of the deal, he becomes enraged.

But the reason he has such a strong hate-boner for Tay, is because she seemed to also follow his same ‘moral code’. A kid makes a cute video, she visits them at the hospital. A fan writes her a letter inviting her to their wedding, she goes to the wedding. A couple of kids fold 1989 paper cranes for Andrea, Taylor invites them to one of her concerts.

Russ thought “this is a done deal”. He didn’t write that song for Taylor because he particular liked her; he just thought she’d be the most likely artist to produce it — or at least acknowledge his existence.

I mentioned before that Russ wrote a whole-ass book about this. And I think it’s as good a time as any to talk about it. For a short amount of time, Russell chilled out about the ✨100 million dollar lawsuit ✨ but my guess is that he thought his book would get him the same results as a lawsuit? To be fair, the book is fantastic. 5/5, would recommend. 

He details the harassment he went through after suing Taylor Swift (the first time). Apparently old ladies at coffee shops would scream at him because he dared to sue Our Queen. A Mexican even pointed a gun at him (it wasn’t me, guys! Just a fellow countryman ❤️) and ordered Russ to drop the lawsuit. Computers at his job caught on literal fire because he was sent very powerful viruses. His friend Ken — who definitely exists! — was hit with a Molotov cocktail. Yep. 2016 was definitely the year people were willing to murder for Taylor Swift.

There’s also this brilliant dream sequence that involves an owl with the voice of Morgan Freeman, and Taylor’s agents guarding a tower in which she’s being held captive. 

ALSO ALSO: an entire chapter is called “SHE CHOSE HIM OVER ME”. Taylor Swift chose Joe Alwyn — a man she actually knows — over a man she’s not even aware exists. Women, amiright?

I think Russell would enjoy the Kaylor community to a certain extent. Not the lesbian part, obviously: he doesn’t trust women who don’t want to touch his peen. I just mean the baseless hatred of Joe. Look, I made a little collage of his rants ❤️ tell me if any of this sounds familiar!

You know — I’ve been joking around a lot about Russell just wanting to do the nasty with Taylor. But you know me, I like joking around. In reality Russ only wants what is fair. He wants to put a stop to all these senseless acts of kindness perpetrated by Taylor ‘The Generous’ Swift.

This isn’t about him at all, actually. Shame on you for thinking there’s an ounce of greed in that selfless little body of his. HE’S DOING THIS TO PROTECT THE KIDS WITH CANCER!

There are no ulterior motives here! This isn’t about a date!

THIS IS NOT ABOUT A DATE AT ALL GUYS STOP SAYING THAT.

I think this is my favourite post of his, because– grammatically speaking –he doesn’t specify which of them is wearing the red dress. And that sends me every goddamn time.

Anyway. The book, as magnificent as it was, got him absolutely nowhere. I know, I can’t believe it either. So he went back to focus on his lawsuit. But apparently not enough, because he didn’t serve her properly..? Now, don’t expect me to understand this, because I am very stupid (so it’s quite a good thing that I haven’t sued anybody for millions of dollars) but something about him sending the lawsuit to her old legal team..? And then trying to force UPS to serve her? I think he even said he was going to serve her in the middle of one of her concerts... but I’m guessing that didn’t go as planned 🤷‍♀️ oops.

Of course, Russie wouldn’t allow such an anticlimactic ending. Can you guess what he did? Please tell me that you can guess what he did. HE MADE ANOTHER SONG 😭❤️

This one is called ‘I Don’t Get You, Taylor Swift’. Another masterpiece that we definitely didn’t deserve 🙌

This was around April, 2019. By then I was being lured away by Kaylors, so I broke it off with Russ. I know that he filed a 3rd lawsuit against Taylor last year, which is just like the second one but hopefully this time he’ll be able to serve. And listen— I know that sounds like an awful thing to wish on Taylor, but I’d rather have Russell occupied suing a rich woman (who isn’t even going to deal with him), than a poor sex worker in Nevada. I bet TayTay would prefer that too.

Well guys, I’ve mentioned this a few times already, but I really had to be selective with the amount of information I was going to throw at you. I’ve avoided some of the shittier stuff he said or did, because I wanted to keep these posts as lighthearted as possible. I also didn’t touch on many things because they would just derail us. Like for example: one of the few lawsuits he has filed against someone who isn’t a woman, was against the state of Utah. I know, right? He’s trying to singlehandedly legalise prostitution in Utah, and even wrote a book (more like a pamphlet) brilliantly titled ‘Why I'm Making It Legal for Your 18 Year Old Daughter to Get In Bed with a Complete Stranger for Only 500 Bucks: A Short Essay from a Pro Se Litigant who is Challenging the Utah Brothel Bans’.

I copy-pasted that title guys, I swear to god.

The book is very graphic. This one I certainly do not recommend as I still suffer nightmares because of it.

Soren is a character who also had to be cut out — which is a shame because he really tried to be a good christian and help Russell. Not as in “I support you, Russell” but as in “why don’t you take a nap, Russell”. Turns out, even cinnamon rolls have a limit. Russ, of course, blames Taylor Swift for the fact that he’s losing his friends. I’m not joking — it’s an article in his lawsuit:

Greer has lost family relationships, friend connections and business connections because of the trauma of Taylor Swift. His family tells him to "get over it," resulting in shouting matches and strained relationships. Greer's friends get annoyed by his focusing on the trauma of it, when nobody knows the pain of getting rejected by a public figure — twice — and the fallout that has resulted from it.

Russell embodies that comic/meme of the little guy who puts a stick in his bicycle’s wheels and then blames Taylor Swift when he inevitably falls.

Sooooo...

Maybe someday I’ll write a post about Russ’ latest antics. I know he still posts stupid stuff on Facebook, which he later deletes. He shined especially bright at the peak of the BLM movement. He also plead guilty to electronic communications harassment— did you see that conviction coming? Yes, yes you did 😌

Regarding Taylor, I read that Russ knew someone who knew Todrick Hall — and Russ sent him a song and video for Taylor. All he got back was a Cease and Desist letter. But I’d have to do a bit of digging to get the details. I was already so overwhelmed with organising the information I was previously aware of, that I decided to leave the newer stuff for another time. You know, once I’ve had some time to inform myself... as well as a really long shower.

Since I left so much shit out, I’ll be taking questions if you have any. And if you can muster the courage to ask them. I’m weirdly proud of being some kind of Russell encyclopaedia. I might not have much going for me...

There’s no ‘but’ — that was the complete statement.

Before I go, I wanted to add this screenshot. I absolutely love it because it summarises ✨The Russell Experience✨. Russ wants Taylor to know pain, poverty and punishment. But when asked “why?” his answer is just “oh, I was ignored lol”

*none of the screenshots are mine

[ewdaviddd]

folklore think piece

for a lower case album such as this, i will be writing a lowercase think piece on the subject. i will not explain why. you get it or you don’t.

the 1: i have never been in love or any type of romantic relationship that left me with lasting feelings of any kind. but, on my fourth listen through of this song today, what once was just a promising and fun intro to this peasant girl summer gut punch, brought me to actual tears as i sat on the toilet in my lime green childhood bathroom as if i were mourning the one that got away (another great song). however, i am an expert on being hung up on the past, the “what could have been”, and made up hypotheticals. this song also introduces the film motif seen a lot in this album. i think dating an actor has really gotten to her. anyway what a killer way to begin, top notch stuff. how can a song be so fun and so soul crushing at the same time?

cardigan: when did taylor wear black lipstick? this is important to me. an old cardigan is an inherently bisexual article of clothing. that is not an opinion. i read it somewhere today and i believe it. this is the tip of the queer-coding ice berg in folklore, never fear. another reference, “tried to change the ending / peter losing wendy”. this year i wrote a movie script where both peter and wendy were both gay. coincidence? probably. basically this one is classic taylor poetry on every level and it being one of a trio in a larger story makes it that much better. yet again, high school romance is not a universal experience (like for me for instance) but haunting my “what-ifs” is going to haunt me for a long time. and the thought of someone saying i was their favorite cardigan makes me want to scream into a pillow.

the last great american dynasty: my favorite ts songs have always been the ones with detailed characters and stories and this one introduces the trope of the “mad woman” who comes back later on as well a long with many fun character details. at first this song is just cheeky and cute, very visual, a fun world to jump into. but then this particular stretch of lines makes your heart drop into your chest and reminds you why taylor isn’t just always fun and always cute and always creative, she also holds the ability to nimbly sock you in the gut when you least expect: “fifty years is a long time / holiday house sat quietly on that beach / free of women with madness, their men and bad habits / and then it was bought by me.” my jaw is still on the floor. and i’ve never bought a house myself. but i’ve spent numerous christmases having a marvelous time ruining everything (so i’ve been told) so this song still applies to my life.

exile (ft. bon iver): i’m gonna be honest. for as long as i can remember i have strongly disliked bon iver and i never remembered why. it is a matter of principle at this point. i just don’t trust him. but then taylor announced she wrote a song with him which filled me with tremendous anxiety. but i can rest easy. much like “the last time” this song is a ts and male artist collaboration i can get behind. also the film motif again: the only time i’ve left a theatre when i didn’t like a movie was never because movie tickets are so expensive and if i’m shelling out 11 dollars to sit in a chair, i’m staying the whole time no matter how bad the ending. but i probably would have left my sister’s keeper if i had seen it before if i’m being honest. so i get it. thats why i read spoilers for everything i watch before watching it, because the anxiety of worrying about how it ends make me not enjoy it in the first place. the end of this song: the call and response felt… ethereal? i felt like i was watching a broadway musical from the splash zone seats, crying as i was spat on.

my tears ricochet: this song is what i picture stepping outside in the middle of the night when an inch or so of snow has just fallen and i can see the flakes fall in front of a street light sounds like. or the scorned secret ex lover throwing themselves onto the coffin demanding to know why they weren’t enough.   which is to say it feels like a sign from some sort of god. yet again, haunting is brought up, an overt reference to the fact that this album will live in my brain rent free for eternity. for some reason this song reminds me of the relationship between hamilton and burr when burr kills hamilton. that could be because i just watched the disney+ recording last week. one lives, one dies, but neither survive, both pay for it. Which is a super romantic and understanding view on murder. both musical experiences equally chilling and moving. if i die under mysterious circumstances this will for sure be played at the funeral.

mirrorball: first off, this is my mom's favorite which is very important. also, it has skewered a very specific but also universal insecurity of mine; existing just to please others and yet miserably failing. it is comforting that ts is not a “natural’ and feels she must always “try try try” because i too lack natural ability, but also rarely “try” even just the one time. the best way i can describe listening to this song is walking through a silent disco where everyone else is listening to some classic lady gaga jam and you are listening to a calming lullaby sung very far away. but don’t let the soothing sounds fool you. it still will have you reflecting on what it means to look and be looked at. a dark rabbit whole, like falling through the looking glass. i’ve never actually read that book though so i could be wrong.

seven: i’m dumb and on my first listen of this song i thought she “hit her peak” at 7 clock as opposed to age seven. but i always saw taylor swift as someone with an early bedtime. also a fun discovery while writing this, “seven” is the 7th song on the track list. clever. although this song is young and innocent and so nostalgic for a time when screaming ferociously was a widely accepted form of expression, it also sounds like a very old secret someone is whispering to me. a love from long ago that lasts beyond the person being in your life, passed down to me and it all just sounds a little gay. not just because of the specific line to hiding in the closet. but that certainly doesn’t go unnoticed. when i was seven i was definitely in love with girls and assumed that was just what friendship was, playing pirates and making plans of running away together.

august: the eighth track for the eighth month. her mind. also my birth month so that’s special. controversial opinion: from what i’ve read most people seem to think illicit affair is the third song in the triage of teen love. i will strongly make the case that it's actually this one. first of all, the subject: a short lived summer fling, which is specifically mentioned later in “betty”. the central heartbreak of this song is liking someone who always belonged to someone else. yes, this song is a window into a different summer, far from pandemic central and the escapist imagery is delightful. but a whole song from the pov of the “other woman” to james and betty is just so much more fun. and there are two more specific lyrics that prove my point. “remember when i pulled up and said "get in the car”” you will see later comes back from the other person’s perspective. and most of all: the repeated line, “meet me behind the mall”? only teenagers make plans to meet up behind a mall. i rest my case. so now we have cardigan and august. two pieces of the puzzle.

this is me trying: i’m glad i now have a succinct message to send to anyone when they ask me what the hell i’m doing at any given moment. this song just sounds like regret and waste in the most self-assured and confident way. this is “back to december” with the training wheels off.  i have no apologies for my efforts at wasting all my potential. but in this song, taylor has opened her arms to me in a warm embrace and has forgiven me for all i’ve done wrong and reminds me to not take for granted the “try”. okay mom. i’m crying again, but okay.

illicit affair: this is the kind of thing that makes you feel sixteen, living in a dull suburb, while secretly screwing your 38 year old married neighbor who’s rich but wants to be an artiste. aka like a character in euphoria or something. it’s sexy and dangerous until you think about it and then it's just dingy and creepy. but this song starts and stays beautiful. most importantly, this song is too sad and depressing frankly, to be a part of the trilogy. we could never forgive james for leaving such a mess and making her a fool. you don’t want to be this girl. you want to walk up to her and shake her and yell “you exist and will not be ruined by any dumb man”. and that’s feminism.

invisible string: is it reductive if i say this one’s about joe? all my non-stan friends have asked me which ones are about him. we forgive them and point them in this direction. because it is lovely and beautiful that we are all tied to our soulmate for our whole lives before we ever meet them (because that would in fact mean that there is someone out there for everyone which might be naive or dumb but i am both of those things and whats the point of living if you don’t believe in the power of love). this honestly gives me “begin again” vibes in the best way. it’s red-era level with the wisdom of lover-era tay. sublime.

mad woman: the second mention of the “mad woman” as both taylor herself and the character in the story. as usual, tay stays calling out double standards and the manipulation of women into “going crazy” for expressing reasonable anger. I, personally, wish i could say “fuck you forever” without someone saying i’m “overreacting”. this is my least favorite song on the album and i’d still listen to it three times in a row and need to resist the urge to set a man’s lawn on fire. just girly things.

epiphany: i know she said this one is about her grandfather’s experience in the military but all i imagine is a slow montage of harry style’s character in “dunkirk” on the beach. and it’s beautiful. and much like my sophomore in high school self reading “all quiet on the western front” it evokes a pain from deep inside me that engulfs a loss i could never describe and a sadness too awful to witness. you will listen to this song and feel absolutely powerless to the will of the universe and it’s cruelty. and the faint but steady heart monitor beep in the background… i’ve never seen “grey’s anatomy” but i can imagine why it has so many fans sobbing. and let me end on this: two soldiers in some old war (meaning both men based on dunkirk) watching each other like this and living and dying together…gay.

betty: the first verse was pulled directly out of my subconscious fantasy of being in love in high school and it being so wonderful and painful and dramatic. and taylor riding a skateboard… is a mood. the song has been out for less than a week and it’s already a cold take to talk about how this is her gayest song to date (close runner-ups being reputation’s “dress” and “cardigan”). but of course i will still talk about it. the lyrics embody such authentic awkward gay energy (see the lesbian in booksmart for reference) and having been a 17 year old only three years ago, i can say with reasonably good authority that no 17 year old straight boy could stand in front of a crowd of peers and beg forgiveness from a girl he hurt. it’s just not realistic. these are all awkward, over-dramatic, young girls stumbling through love. and it’s awesome. james is the speaker of this song, and the subject of “august”, the summer fling that was never truly there due to james’ love for betty, the titular role of this song. thus completing the love triangle. and there are so many obvious references in this song to both “august” and “cardigan”. rhyming cardigan with car again makes me want to light myself on fire in the best way. i love it. “i dreamt of you all summer long” is the final nail in the coffin for the girl in “august” who was clearly just a place-holder. totally separate from taylor swift, my favorite word is porch. so the amount of times it appears in her lyrics is wonderful. say it out loud. it just feels nice. anyway, this song makes me want to be young and dumb and in love. the second can really only be tolerated because of the first and third. i hope the story has a happy-ending. if james were a boy i’d wish him the plague.

peace: the coming-of-age movie starring james and betty (and inez) is over. we have come to “the age” i guess. there’s a thought that’s gonna fester. if this song was just the line, “would it be enough if i could never give you peace?” over and over for four minutes it would still smash me to pulp and fill my body with helium gas. i can and will cause a car wreck when this comes on the aux. if this song is what being grown up is like (bare in mind grown up to me is like, 30) then i’m ready to be done coming of age. because i already worry if i’ll be at all enough for anyone and way too much for someone at the same time. but like all good poetry, this song isn’t about what it “means”, but how it “feels”. and this is new york city, the summer, pouring rain, a long walk home, desperately fearing and hoping they are there waiting for you.

hoax: a one-sided conversation between me and my stubborn clinical depression. i too, constantly stand alone on the cliff demanding a reason. one has not yet been presented. it operates both within and and against me. i could be bigger and stronger than it. but instead i tend to it like a prickly plant. (“no other sadness in the world will do”). there is nothing both sadder and funnier then the scene in “avatar: the last airbender” when prince zuko stands alone on a cliff screaming at the sky for lightning to strike him. i don’t know why this song reminds me so much of that. what a way to end such an emotional rollercoaster. it is so emotionally draining that it simply forces me to start folklore again from the top and listen to it all over again.  or take a long therapeutic nap.

there are no skips. and it will still surprise you on your 267th listen. proceed with caution.

i knew you, in a past life maybe. i have not met you yet, but folklore has made me believe you exist.

@taylorswift 10/10 good work

@taylornation this had to be shared and i don’t have a twitter so

[path-of-my-childhood]

Taylor Swift’s “Beautiful Ghosts” might be the best part of the Cats movie

Vox // By Aja Romano // November 20th 2019

“Beautiful Ghosts,” the song that Taylor Swift put words to for Tom Hooper’s upcoming Cats movie, has arrived - and guess what? Swift might be Cats creator and famed Broadway composer Andrew Lloyd Webber’s ideal lyricist.

Lloyd Webber is the man who brought the world Phantom of the Opera, Jesus Christ Superstar, Evita, and one of the most recorded songs in theatre history, “Memory” from Cats. He is notorious for writing musicals with beautiful music and weak lyrics. But “Beautiful Ghosts” makes a compelling argument that what every ALW musical needs is a shrewd lyricist who was once a teenage girl - and who, consequently, is not embarrassed to embrace the gushy romantic heart of his music. Here are five reasons “Beautiful Ghosts” is worth a second listen, or several.

1) It adds to our understanding of Victoria, the White Cat. “Beautiful Ghosts” isn’t a showy end-credits pop song; it’s a new song inserted into the plot of the show. It will follow “Memory” in the upcoming film. The cat who sings it, Victoria has a bigger role: Now, the entire story is framed through her point of view, and Victoria is a younger mirror of Grizabella.

In “Beautiful Ghosts,” Victoria echoes “Memory” and reflects on Grizabella’s tragic life, as well as her own. “Memory” keeps calling for “new life,” while through “Beautiful Ghosts,” Victoria transitions from “Memory’s” sadness to a joy that’s all her own - through the realization that she loves the life she has. Where “Memory” is fuzzy, with vague hints of former happiness, “Beautiful Ghosts” weaves a mini-narrative of Victoria’s life: cast onto the streets, apparently by cruel former owners, she distrusts other cats, but eventually befriends them and comes to love her life. With this one song, she goes from being opaque and silent to having depth, complexity, and a backstory that doesn’t involve her being a sex object.

2) It helps us understand “Memory.” Even though “Beautiful Ghosts” is sung by Victoria to Grizabella, it also gives us crucial insight into Grizabella’s life. When Victoria sings lines like, “Should I take chances when no one took chances on me?” she’s simultaneously referencing her own life and Grizabella’s: Grizabella at least knew a time when she was loved and admired, and had human companionship to look back on. Victoria has only known rejection.

Taylor Swift has clearly asked herself, “How can I bring more coherence to “Memory,” a weird-ass song about a cat who is also a sex worker who is also dying and friendless and stuck with her memories of having once been very hot?” The solution, which she provides in “Beautiful Ghosts,” is to give Grizabella slightly more of a past.

In a recent radio interview, Swift described her approach to creating the song - which involved contrasting Victoria’s life with Grizabella’s: ‘Memory’ is Grizabella singing about how she had all these beautiful, incredible moments in her past. She had these glittering occasions and she felt beautiful and she felt wanted and now she doesn’t feel that way anymore.’ This is fanfic on Swift’s part. While this glittering history can be implied, it’s not literally in the lyrics to “Memory,“ or anywhere else in Cats - the most concrete detail “Memory” offers is that Grizabella once enjoyed “days in the sun.” It’s a huge bonus to see Grizabella given a more concrete backstory that has nothing to do with her, uh, hanging out in brothels.

“Beautiful Ghosts” explains that Grizabella was “born into nothing” but now has memories of “dazzling rooms” and a time she was not just beautiful, but loved. In essence, Swift has not only crafted a satisfying character song for Victoria - she’s deepened Grizabella and “Memory” too.

3) It’s clearly a song that could be sung by a cat. This is hard! “Memory” couldn’t manage it and from the first line of “Beautiful Ghosts,” the song feels like one that could be sung by a cat - one who has wandered the streets, hearing the voices of its fellow cats in the dark. Victoria sings of the “wild ones” who “tame the fear” within her as she longs to “get let into” the rooms inhabited by the humans she once knew and yearned for love from. These are bittersweet lyrics, but more importantly, they’re lyrics that pretty clearly describe the life of a cat.

The extent to which Swift has thought about how cats feel becomes increasingly apparent when you realize that “Beautiful Ghosts” is a hymn to found family and the alley cat existence, the freedom of a life lived on the streets, and the beauty of, well, a gang of stray cats. (This may also sound like a metaphor for marginalized communities finding strength in each other after being turned out of their homes.)

4) It hints at what a new Andrew Lloyd Webber musical could be like with a smart lyricist who embraces his romanticism. The typical trade-off with Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals is that his lush, lofty melodic lines take priority over lyrics. The general wisdom among musical theater fans is that ALW was only truly great when he was composing with his earliest collaborator, the brilliant lyricist Tim Rice. The ALW/Rice shows (Jesus Christ Superstar, Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, Evita) are fantastic - witty, satirical, and incisive, ranging from complex political themes to rollicking whimsy and charming pastiche.

ALW’s later shows’ scores were often gorgeous, full of beautiful melodies. But the plots were often too soapy, and he bounced around between lyricists who frequently paired his music with asinine words. When ALW was working with someone equally as or more talented than he was, he managed to create popular, lasting shows, including Cats and Phantom of the Opera. But ALW didn’t always work with equals who could rein him in. And so he only kept getting more extravagant in his desire to combine deeply emotional musical motifs with schmoopy, overblown storylines. In other words, post-Rice, ALW has always been hampered by his own self-indulgence and the lack of a lyricist as good at writing lyrics as ALW is at writing music.

That’s why a Taylor Swift-ALW collaboration is genuinely exciting. In the annals of ALW collaborators, Swift may be the first lyricist with the range, experience, and stature to stand alongside Rice. But more importantly, she clearly loves Cats, loves the music, and loves actual cats. In that interview quoted above, for example, she discussed Victoria’s cat psychology at length. I cannot imagine any circumstances in which Tim Rice would say, as Swift did in that interview, “I got you. I know what that cat would say.”

And that may be what so many previous ALW musicals have lacked: the enthusiasm of a smart, savvy songwriter who’s also not afraid to unironically love and embrace her subject matter. Taylor Swift isn’t just a brilliant songwriter who credits the lyrics of Fall Out Boy’s Pete Wentz for teaching her to write music with sharp edges and blatant emotive power. She’s also a fangirl. And fangirls know how to deliver deep, smart character studies while amplifying the emotional core of the stories they love. That combination of shrewd songwriting and passion is what propels the final verse of “Beautiful Ghosts” into something truly great.

5) “Beautiful Ghosts” has a surprise twist ending. Taylor Swift learned a lot from brilliant country songwriters, and one of the common country song traits she likes to carry forward is the “twist.” That’s when the final stanza upends the original meaning of the song and shifts the refrain into something new, surprising, and even richer. Throughout “Beautiful Ghosts,” Victoria has emphasized the fact that Grizabella still has her memories: “at least you have beautiful ghosts,” she sings, and the ghosts are the memories of Grizabella’s life of being beautiful and adored.

By contrast, Victoria herself has always lived on the streets, eventually taken in by the stray cats she eventually began to see as family. Initially, she describes the strays as voices she can only hear in the dark, while she wanders the streets, “alone and haunted.” Later, they become “phantoms of night,” as they lure her into her new exciting life. Finally, when Victoria has her epiphany that she’s happy with her friends, and she loves her alleycat life, she shifts from singing enviously to Grizabella about the “beautiful ghosts” of her memories. Instead, she sings, “So I’ll dance with these beautiful ghosts.”

The ghosts at the end of the song are the cats! Victoria’s ghosts are flesh and blood, and also have you ever met a cat, cats are clearly ghosts, with their silent paws and their eerie glow-eyes, and their ability to vanish into thin air. (Holy shit, the ghosts are the cats!) Only Taylor Swift could turn a metaphor about lost memories into a literal description of cats that is also a metaphor for found families and friendship. Don’t argue with me, this is perfect.

[imaginingfrancium]

the last time | jumin han

jumin han x reader ; one shot / imagine

(part 1 of 2) ; 

summary: MC and the other RFA members went out on a beach vacation and sat around a campfire. When it was your turn to share something, everyone demanded a song.. and a duet. 

song featured: The Last Time - Taylor Swift feat. Gary Lightbody (i used a cover instead of the original because MC’s using a guitar here. and just imagine MC doing plucking instead of the ordinary strumming in the intro)

words in bold-italic letters indicate the character’s thoughts (whether if it’s within the flashback or present), italics indicate a flashback, and bold ones are the lyrics of the song,, but there will parts in the one shot where i’ll use those for something else.

The sun was slowly setting; hues of orange, yellow, and red started to fade as the color of the night sky began to show. The full moon came out early and has its reflection shun down on the sea. The wind was getting colder, as everyone started to wear their jackets, scarfs, or shawls. The members did not expect a cold night this evening, but they were glad that the breeze was calm. Just enough to easily build a campfire before the sun completely sets. 

Zen and Yoosung started building the fire; gathering the wood and matches and.. failed attempts. Saeyoung then joined them– to just disturb. 

“Sae-Saeyoung! SHUT UP! We are building a fire here! It’ll be nice if you helped!” Yoosung whined. The red-haired man mocked the blonde even more. While trying to keep his patience, the silver-haired beauty kept trying to light up the fire.  

“Idiots.” Saeran muttered as he looked at the three two men failing at their simple task. He headed over to Jaehee and MC, who were prepping the food. Various snacks were placed in each paper plate and bowl. Since everyone had a heavy lunch, they all agreed to make it light for that evening. 

“Here are the marshmallows. Good thing it didn’t melt in the car.” They looked up at Saeran and were relieved. “Oh, thank goodness.” Jaehee got the bags of the white, fluffy treat out of his arms. “Is there anything else I could do?” He asked. “Hmmm.. Go assemble the chairs and mini tables. They are over there.” Jaehee ordered and pointed out where it was. 

“..Ha-Haha! Finally! In your face!” Yoosung shouted out. The campfire had perfectly lit up the space they were camping at. Jaehee cheered while poking the marshmallow on its sticks. MC smiled at the men-children; Saeyoung picked on Yoosung and vice versa, while Zen tried to stop the two.

“When will they ever stop?” MC asked, placing the chips into bowls. “’Til they end up killing each other, I guess.” Saeran replied, putting up the final adjustments on the mini-tables. MC laughed and turned to Jaehee. “I’m done with the chips. What else is needed, chief?” MC jokingly saluted to her. Jaehee squinted her eyes. “Hey, stop. Don’t call me that.” She then got the bowls from MC and placed it on the tables. “Seems like everything’s almost done.. So no help needed now. Thanks, MC.” Jaehee gave MC a smile. “Eh it’s nothing. Anyways, I’ll just go get my stuff.” MC headed over to the van.

While everyone was busy preparing for tonight’s event, the slightly older members were doing their own things. V was taking photos of the moon and shore, not missing out the view in front of him. He sighed, putting down the camera, while reminiscing. 

“..If only you were here to see it. If only..” He muttered and closed his eyes tight. He opened it back a few seconds later as he felt something soft brush against his leg. V looked down and smiled, seeing the clingy Elizabeth the 3rd looking up to him with a smile. “Want a photo with the sunset, El?” The snow white cat meowed. V chuckled and knelt down on the sand, positioning the camera in a good angle. He took the photo and looked at it. 

The perfect mix of the sky’s colors, with Elizabeth the 3rd’s eloquent silhouette. Oh he would love this, V thought. He stood up and called out Elizabeth to follow him. V approached the silent CEO-in-line, who’s holding a wine flask and was admiring the scenery. 

He called out his friend’s attention. “Jumin, come look at this.” Jumin turned to him, beginning to be curious. V then showed the photo and Jumin chuckled. “Can you have it developed? I’d like the photo to be framed and placed in my room.” He asked his friend. “Of course, Jumin. It is also one of my favorite shots today.” V looks over to the sea, as it begins to be darker.  

“It should be. The sunset view is beautiful, but placing Elizabeth the 3rd in the view puts nature to shame.” Jumin confidently said. “Good thing Hyun drank meds for his allergies then.” V teased. “Well, he knew that I would bring Elizabeth even without his consent. It’s nice that he adjusted.” Jumin turned away from the view to look at the other members behind them; Zen, Yoosung, and Saeran started roasting their marshmallows, Jaehee held a bowl with nuts in it, and Saeyoung was munching his Honey Butter chips.

His vision quickly focused on the member carrying a stringed instrument. MC walked to the other members settled by the fire. She then sat beside Jaehee and shared the mixed nuts with her.

Many thoughts got into Jumin’s head. So many how’s, why’s, what if’s. He couldn’t stop looking at MC. Even when the campfire is not on its best lighting angle, she still looks beautiful, he thought.

V turned to his friend, noticing that he was stuck staring at MC. To V, Jumin looked like she took something from him. Well, she sort of did in some sense. He felt pity and broke the silence. 

“Hey. Let’s head over to them. Campfire night is about to start.” Jumin snapped himself back to reality and nodded, following V. They walked to where the others were.

———————

“Ugh, when will this end?” Zen complained, leaning against Yoosung’s shoulder. Saeran sighed and looked at his twin brother with disappointment. 

The sun has completely set and the full moon shined brightly, with the stars twinkling. It was part of the campfire night where each member gets to share something to everyone. It could be anything, and with that, Saeyoung took his chances. He sang a song from his favorite musical.

“Kiss me goodbye, I’m defYING GRAVITYYY~” Saeyoung sang with high spirits. Jaehee covered her ears as he tried to hit the note. Zen and Yoosung tried to stop him, while MC and V laughed at them.

Saeyoung then finished the song and bowed, thanking everyone for listening. He earned glares from his brother and closest friends. Jaehee and MC forced themselves to clap their hands and compliment. “You were good, Saeyoung... I always forget that you could actually sing.” V said, with a tone that showed that he was not being serious.

“Ah, it’s nothing! And now.. it’s MC’s turn!” Saeyoung clapped for MC. “It would be a waste of talent and of your time and effort practicing if you don’t play for us.” He added. 

“I even heard from a lot of people that you perform good.” Zen joined in the ‘pep talk’. MC scratched the back of her neck as she felt awkward. She may be working as a full-time musician, but she still had the stage fright. Especially in a small crowd that consists of her close friends.

“Eheh. Well… since I promised you guys…” MC brought out her guitar from its bag. The members had been convincing her to sing for them again. It was ever since she performed a song during the party. They wanted to hear her sing exclusively, but somehow they never got the perfect timing where her shyness didn’t succumb. 

“Finally! We get to hear from MC.” Yoosung expressed.

“Yeah, I’ve always wanted to hear her sing.” Jaehee said.

“Better be good.” Saeran muttered, which was heard by Jaehee. She gave him a light poke on the waist.

It was good. I was even lucky enough to hear it almost all the time, Jumin thought. He has been quiet all along. He only curved his mouth to a small smile or let out a soft chuckle when one of the members said something funny or cat-related. He was petting his cat to sleep, who was on her cat bed. He couldn’t speak out as he was not able to concentrate, scared that he might accidentally slip some words he didn't intend to say. 

He couldn’t fixate being in the same space as her, knowing she’s not his anymore. He sighed and took sips from his flask. 

MC was checking if the strings were tuned. Saeyoung then had an idea. A crazy idea.“Oh! OH! What if we let Jumin sing with MC?” 

He immediately covered his mouth, realizing what he had done. Everyone’s eyes widened in surprise. It was silent and uneasy. Even Saeran was shook to the core. 

Sae-saeyoung.. why you.. MC was frozen in her place, eyes traveling to Jumin, who had loosen his grip on his flask. She looked away before he could catch her looking at him. Fuck.

Zen broke the silence. “Are you serious, Saeyoung? You probably had too much of your chips.”

“Y-yeah.” Yoosung agreed. 

Saeyoung hid his face behind Saeran. “Aigoooo aigooo…” He felt ashamed, scolding himself that he broke the rule they all agreed, which is to not mention anything from the past, especially from their past.

It was hard putting back all the members of the RFA in one place, even for a simple hangout. With what happened two years ago, it made some members keep their distance from certain members. It broke the others, as the possibility of everyone getting along again like it used to was then just a mere vision. So, they tried picking out a vacation date, place, etc. where everyone is available and would have no excuse to bail. 

MC never wanted to come in the first place, knowing that her ex-fiance will be going. “You know why I won’t go. What if he tries to make a move on me again?– Remember why we broke up, Jaehee.” MC explained to Jaehee by the phone. “I know.. but I told V to tell him about it, so it will be fine..” MC bit her bottom lip.

 “Hey… he’s not the only who’s coming. Zen, Yoosung, Saeyoung, and even Saeran will be there. It’s been a while, MC. I– or we can’t just let this association fall apart again due to ex-lovers.” MC chuckled at Jaehee’s fake disgust tone on the last part. 

“Please, MC. For me? Or at least for the RFA’s future?” Jaehee crossed her fingers while waiting for MC to respond. 

“...Okay. For you and the RFA.”

Saeran then stood for his brother’s behalf. “Um.. well, you know that you both don’t have to do it though…” The others nodded. “Yeah.. you can continue now, MC.” V reassured. The musician shrugged and checked back if her guitar is tuned.

It will be over soon, MC thought. It will be over so–

“I’ll sing.” Everyone turned their heads to the one who said it. 

MC froze again, and this time had eye contact with him. Oh, fuck.

“Uh.. J-Jumin. Heh– you don’t have to do that. ‘T was a joke!” Saeyoung tried to convince him, as he was feeling even more guilty.

Jumin shrugged it off, his confidence building up. “It’s fine, Saeyoung.. Unless it’s okay with you, MC.”

Heads were now turned to MC. She looked down, so that she could make a decision. She was then having second thoughts. I mean, it’s just a duet, what could possibly go wrong? Um, let me remind you of the last time you both did a duet.. it got you engaged. You don’t want to go back to that loophole again, right? But he seems different from before. He didn’t even try to get my attention today! No, don’t. You’re gonna fall again. No, I’m just thinking too much.

“.. For old times’ sake at least.” 

She slowly looked up to Jumin, feeling that familiar warmth. She took a deep breath

“S-sure.” She forced a smile. Yeah.. what could possibly go wrong?…

Jumin stood up, brought his chair and sat beside MC. The others couldn’t even say anything. They were either thrilled thinking on what could possibly happen after this, or just nervous that this might go down.

MC cleared her throat. “What song then?”

Jumin looked at her and gave her a small smile. “The Last Time.”

Are you even serious? She looked at him to check if he was kidding or not. And he was not. “O-oh. Okay then.” MC started playing.

Everyone fell in love with her pro-plucking of the intro. They felt relaxed, finding something to lean on.

MC’s awkwardness was lifted up by looking at them She then turned to Jumin, giving him the cue to start.

“Find myself at your door, just like all those times before.

I’m not sure how I got there. All roads, they lead me here.

I imagine you are home. In your room, all alone.

Jumin stayed staring at her, even if she was not looking. She was busy concentrating on the strumming. 

And you open your eyes into mine, and everything feels better."

Everyone was surprised that Jumin could sing. It didn’t come to them yet that he carried a tone. As MC started to blend in, everyone sank in and listened, trying to catch any body language between them. 

“And right before your eyes, I’m breaking

No past, no reasons why. 

Just you and me.”

And before Jumin knew it, he started reminiscing.

Jumin was focused on reading the story to MC, who was lying beside him. Even with the deep voice, he made sure that the stress and intonation was said right. MC felt at home under the thick blanket, not feeling any colder as she adored Jumin’s storytelling and warmth. She found herself lost in his voice, until Jumin slammed the book shut. 

“That’s for tonight. And you’re getting sleepy.” He said, placing the book on his bedside table. Jumin then adjusted his place under the blanket and wrapped his arms around MC, pulling her closer

“Hmmm.. I wasn’t even listening.” She said. “I just have a thing for your voice.” She giggled, as her cheeks turned pink.

“I know. I also have a thing for your thing with my voice.” Jumin pressed his forehead against MC’s, as MC laughed at how he describes her like for his voice.

They stayed like that for a while, until MC pulled away, at a distance where she could get a good overlook of his face, his eyes. Him.

“What is it, darling? Do I have something on my face?” Jumin asked

“No, no.. You don’t.” MC smiled. “I just.. can’t believe I get to have this view every night before I sleep.”

Jumin smiled back. He grabbed her left hand and kissed at where the engagement ring was. “I should be the one who’s lucky. You actually had the choice to not be in this lifestyle, to not be with me. And she did. I knew that it could happen, but you still chose to stay.” But not for long. 

She sighed. “Yep, and I have no regrets.” She then moved her head closer, ‘til their foreheads touch again.

“I’ll never leave you, as long as you won’t give up on me.” MC looked deep into his eyes. I gave up. 

Jumin looked back and kissed her nose. “You know I won’t. I’m sorry. I love you, MC. I’ll always be.. your number one fan, your view before you sleep every night; just yours.”

“And you’re mine, Jumin. I love you too.”

The memory finished, as it was now MC’s solo in the song. As she sang, everyone was swooned. MC couldn’t help but smile at their reactions. She then poured herself into her part.

"You find yourself at my door, just like all those times before.

You wear your best apology, but I was there to watch you leave.

She closed her eyes while singing, feeling the pain again. Jumin noticed it, and it broke his heart as he felt it too. 

 And all the times I let you in,

Just for you to go again

Disappear when you come back

It was then MC’s turn to reminisce. 

Everything is better." 

The ride to Chairman Han’s house was silent. MC couldn’t help but feel nervous. It was his birthday and her presence was requested by the CEO himself. Her hands were shaking. She even ‘rehearsed’ on how to not sound and look awkward when in front of him. Jumin turned his head to his fiance and noticed this. He held her hand and gave her a small smile. 

“It will be fine, MC. He’s just my father.” Jumin consoled– well tried to. MC gave him a disapproving look.

“’Just your father’? Mind you, my darling, that he was right there when you told the whole country that you disapproved of the marriage he arranged for you, and you made sure that he knew I was also the reason why you didn’t agree to it.” MC blurted out. She immediately regretted doing it, but it felt good to let it out. Jumin was surprised, but understood her. 

“Yes, I know. Heck, I don't even know if I’m helping you calm down. But…” Jumin held both of your hands, which made your turn to him. He kissed your knuckles. 

“I do know that I’ll be there when you couldn’t take it.” He said. MC looked back at him and nodded. They stayed like that for a few minutes, until Drive Kim told them they had arrived.

Jumin went out of the car first and lent out his hand to MC. He held it tight and gave her reassuring signals using his thumb. MC felt much better and took a deep breath. They walked towards the big, front door, but then Jumin stopped as they were about to enter. MC gave him a questioning look.

“I’m sorry, darling. But can I.. ask you to not mention that you are a full-time musician for now? It might not be a good first impression to my father.” Jumin spoke. MC was surprised.

“B-but wasn’t he there at the party, too?” MC defended. “I know, but.. Just please understand? I’ll do the talking, if you couldn’t handle it.” 

It is even getting worse, she thought. But maybe it’s for the best. “Um.. okay then.” MC agreed, loosening her grip on his hand, hoping that Jumin would acknowledge how she felt, through body language. 

“Thank you, MC.” They proceeded to walk inside the house, leaving MC overthinking and nervous again.

She opened her eyes and shook her head, cringing on her past self. Why did I let my guard down?, she thought to herself. 

Jumin could sense that she was recalling a memory from their past. MC looked back at him, seeing how sorry he was through his expression. I’m sorry I couldn’t forgive you. You'd know, she spoke in her mind. They both went back concentrating to the chorus.

"This is the last time I’m asking you this; put my name at the top of your list

This is the last time I’m asking you why

You break my heart in the blink of an eye, eye, eye.."

Everyone was impressed with MC’s guitar skills, as she plays the instrumental part. No one dared to speak, or even clap. MC could relate to the song so much that it made it sound beautiful. 

And that’s what Jumin loved about her; how she expressed herself through music. But he still felt guilty; he only realized that when she left.

As the song has reached its climax, they begin to recall their moments in the past. And this time, the bitter ones. 

"This is the last time you tell me I’ve got it wrong." 

“You said you wouldn’t leave me.” Jumin shouted, following her. He and MC just had a big fight and she concluded that she was going to leave him, for good.

“Yes, I did. But what’s the fucking point of staying if I feel like I’m in prison when I’m with you?!” MC shouted back, her voice shaking as tears were running down her face. She went to get her phone, its charger, and her guitar, since those were the only things that were not bought by Jumin. 

She proceeded to the front door. Almost there, she thought. But before she could even step out of the living room, Jumin grabbed her arm, tightening his grip.

“You are not leaving. You promised me. YOU PROMISED ME, MC!” His voice was full of rage, betrayal. His eyes let out some tears. MC was scared. She hissed on the pain on her arm. But she couldn’t let her guard down now.

“I would’ve kept it if you weren’t such a dick.” She struggled to get out of his grip. “Keeping my true job from your father for a good image? I thought you didn’t care what he thinks. Controlling on what my music should sound like? I make music to express what I feel, and because I want to, not to look good in front of your business friends. Not letting me sign the record deal? It’s my music, Jumin. MY MUSIC! It’s my life! You knew I couldn’t live without it. You said that you’ll support me, but the way you are doing it doesn't seem like you do!” MC defended. She didn’t care anymore. She made her point, and was tired of understanding him again and again.

Jumin stood still, still angry at her. MC took his speechless self as an opportunity to let go. She continued to walk away. He didn’t follow her.

“You’re going to regret this. You can’t live without me. You will come back to me like you always do.” Jumin said, with his pride still intact. This made her stop walking. She turned around, removed the engagement ring from her finger, and set it by the nearest table.

“This time, I won’t. We are done, Jumin. Good-bye." She turned back around and started walking away, tears streaming down her face.

Jumin was stunned, but his mind was still covered by his ego. “Fine! Leave! Since that is what you are good at.” He shouted. 

“At least it’s away from you!” She shouted back, almost breaking to an ugly cry as she reached the elevator. 

MC woke up to the sound of knocking at her door. She rubbed her eyes and reached out to her phone to check the time. 1:35 AM. She scratched her head in annoyance and got out of bed. It could be the neighbor's son again. But at this time?, she thought.

The knocking wouldn't stop. "Coming!" MC shouted, dragging her feet to the door, while fixing her hair. She then unlocked the locks.

"It's almost 2 AM, kid. You can ask for more tomor--" She opened the door and froze, as she saw the least expected person, standing right in front of her.

"MC.." Jumin slurred, clear that he has been drinking. 

"Jumin.. H-how did you know this place?.." MC was surprised. It’s been a month since they broke up. She also never told anyone about her old apartment.. unless he asked for help.

"I forced Saeyoung to look for you. You couldn't be at Rika's apartment if you're ignoring everyone, which is a shame. And since you are good at hiding.. running away from everything.. wanting to go back to your normal life, of course you'd go back here." Jumin leaned on the door frame, not being careful with his words. This hit MC in the gut. 

"I wasn't ignoring everyone; I needed space. They knew that. In case you forgot, you were the one who suggested it." She rebutted, crossing her arms. 

"But that didn't mean you had to do it. Just because you left me, doesn't mean you'll leave them, too." 

Alcohol does bring out their true selves, she thought. "I didn't leave them. There's a difference between giving space and leaving-- You know what? Just go home, Jumin. You're drunk. I'm tired of explaining shit you wouldn’t listen to anyway." MC closed the door, but then Jumin slammed it back open, pushing MC away. She looked up at him, seeing the pain in his eyes. She became scared, as he started to walk into her apartment.

"The n-neighbors are sleeping, Jumin.." MC was shaking, trying to be strong.

Jumin walked closer to her but stopped midway. He then knelt down, as if he gave up fighting against gravity. MC was confused. She walked towards him slowly. 

Her shaking stopped as she heard him sob. She bent down to his level and went closer to him. She gently placed a hand on his cheek, feeling his warmth and let him face her.

Dark, visible circles. Red, puffy eyes. Pale skin, lips. This man hasn't been sleeping; he has been crying.

He held the hand that was on his cheek and leaned to it. "Why did you have to leave me, MC?.." He looked down and grabbed your other hand.

"My life's a mess. It has been since you left. I-I haven't been okay…"

"Jumin, I--"

"I knew I was wrong. I promise I'll be better. Just come back. I'll do everything. Please.." 

"Jumin.."

"Just please come back… I need you--"

"Jumin!"

He stopped talking and looked at MC, who had tears streaming down but her face showing anger.

     "This is the last time I say it’s been you all along." 

"How sure are you.. that you'll make everything alright? In one year of being engaged, you said you'd change, evolve. I believed in you, until it became a pattern.." MC broke down, letting her hands go from him to comfort herself. 

"Listen, MC. This time it will be different I promise you--" He tried to reach out to her, but MC immediately dodged.

"Cut that bullshit, Han. I have heard that from you tons of times." 

Now it was Jumin's turn to freeze. He didn't expect she’d be this way.

"MC.. I-"

"Jumin.. I don't want to fight with you anymore. I'm sorry, but go home.. “

“It's for the best of us." MC stood up, wiping her tears.

Jumin sighed. He couldn't say anything. He then stood up and walked out the apartment, with MC making sure he's not going to trip on something.

She watched him leave.

"This is the last time I let you in my door."

When he was finally out, Jumin turned around to look at her one last time.

"I'm sorry for bothering you. Good night, MC." And then he left.

     "This is the last time, I won't hurt you anymore."

They didn't notice that they were making deep eye contact at each other the whole time they were reminiscing and singing the bridge [of the song]. Though, the others were able to catch the connection. 

Jumin and MC shook it off, as they were about to finish the song.

"This is the last time I’m asking you this; put my name at the top of your list

This is the last time I’m asking you why

You break my heart in the blink of an eye.

"This is the last time I'm asking you this;

     (This is the last time I'm asking you this)

Put my name at the top of your list

     (Put my name at the top of your list)

This is the last time I'm asking you why

     (This is the last time I'm asking you why)

You break my heart in the blink of an eye

     (You break my heart).

“This is the last time I’m asking you

Last time I’m asking you

Last time I’m asking you this

They went back to their eye contact.

“This is the last time I’m asking you

Last time I’m asking you

Last time I’m asking you this

This time, they didn't care about what the others were thinking. They were too busy pouring out their emotions. 

“This is the last time I’m asking you

Last time I’m asking you

Last time I’m asking you this

Jumin then gently held on to MC's forearm.

“This is the last time I’m asking you

Last time I’m asking you

Last time I’m asking you this.”

When the song ended, everyone cheered. Saeyoung was whistling. Zen, Yoosung, and Jaehee gave them a standing ovation, while V and Saeran simply clapped. 

MC was the first to break eye contact. It's finally over, thank Go-- her thoughts stopped its trails, as she felt something soft pressed on her forehead. 

She looked up and stayed still, seeing that Jumin was giving her a kiss there. She started to blush. 

The others were silent once again, surprised to see Jumin's bold move. As Jumin pulled away, he went closer to MC's ear and whispered, "I'm letting you go. Thank you." 

He then let go of his hand from her forearm, stood up, grabbed his cat, and walked away from the group.

"What.. was that?" Saeran spoke.

MC started to move again, as she touched the area on her forehead where Jumin kissed. She started to calm down.

"A-are you okay, MC?" Jaehee asked. She knew how it would be hard for her. MC looked at her and nodded, still couldn't speak.

"Saeyoung… you jerk. You broke MC." Zen mumbled.

"hEY! I'M NOT THE ONE WHO KISSED HER ON THE FOREHEAD!" Saeyoung defended himself.

MC couldn't believe it. He's letting me go? Thank you? Does that mean he hasn't moved on ever since? She kept on overthinking.

"Should we follow him though? He might get lost." Yoosung raised concern.

"Nah.. he'll be fine." V said. "He needed that.." MC looked at V. He then looked back and nodded. Oh.

"Let's just continue the fun." V encouraged. It was now Jaehee's turn to contribute. Everyone stayed up until the campfire died out. 

No matter how much MC wanted to forget what happened, it was stuck in her head. And was kept on loop. 

------------

The clouds covered the morning sun, making it easy for the others to disassemble their tents and fix their stuff. Yoosung, Jaehee, and Zen began loading the van, while Saeyoung and Saeran loaded their stuff in their car. V was busy taking photos of the beach. MC was moping, looking at the view of the shore as if it will be her last time seeing it. 

It was very windy that her beach hat flew away. She panicked and looked for it, only to find out that Jumin catched it.

It seemed like he was behind her all along. He walked towards MC and gave it to her.

“T-thanks.” MC stuttered, while feeling awkward. She got the hat from him and placed it back on her head.

“No problem.” Jumin acknowledged. He stayed at a safe distance beside MC and stared at the horizon with her. Awkward silence filled in between them.

“I’m surprised that y-you brought Elizabeth the 3rd.” MC started, trying to lessen the tension. Jumin laughed a bit. “I thought that she could need some vitamin sea.” MC chuckled at the pun.

“It seemed like it was good for her.” She then turned and looked at the others, wearing smiles on their faces. It was as if they weren’t tired of life.

“We all needed a break from everything. I mean, look at them glowing..” MC trailed on, smiling as she looked at the other members.

“.. As for you, too.” Jumin spoke. This made her turn to him, who was giving her a smile. She was speechless still.

“I hope you knew that you have glowed brighter, from before..” He continued. MC couldn’t help but tear up.

“I--” 

“MC! JUMIN! IT’S TIME TO GO!” 

She was cut off by Zen calling them. She looked away from Jumin and wiped her tears. Yes, MC, what a bold move. Crying in front of your ex, she cursed herself. 

She looked back at him as he started talking again. “It was nice seeing again, MC.” Jumin looked down and walked to where the others were.

MC couldn’t believe it. She tried to shake it off and walked to the van.

Everyone said their farewells to each other and rode their respective vehicles. MC sat by the window and sulked during the whole ride. Yoosung noticed how she was silent and asked, “Are you okay, MC? You seem down.”

I’m not okay. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” She gave him a smile and pat on his shoulder. Yoosung smiled back and felt relieved at least. She looked back at the window and sulked again.

I actually didn’t want it to be the last time. Our last time.

word count: 5399

a/n: um hi this is my first time in tumblr or posting somethin in tumblr lmao i am sorrY if my writing sucks.anyw this idea was from me listening to taylor swift (feat. gary lightbody)’s song, The Last Time. and i was like “what if jumin could sing?” and so on + quarantine is making me write stuff and i can’t sleep during the night ;-; (aLSO are there even people still reading MysMe fan fics in 2020??)

there will be a part 2 for this hehe i won’t promise that i’ll be writing it right away ;-; this took me 3 weeks to finish hek. 

hope you liked it! if you didn’t then sorry. just ignore this heh. please tell me on how should i improve my writing tooooo okez bYE

[themagiciansreccenter]

Five@Five: @physicalkideliot

As a part of our author spotlight, we’ve asked each writer to highlight 5 fics and tell us a little about their experience writing (or reading) them.

"The Kind of Person I Wanna Be" @dwarven-beard-spores

"When he squinted his eyes, he could almost believe he was looking at a sophisticated man. His clothes were nice. His mess of curls was probably all wrong, but he didn’t know what all right looked like so he gave it a pass for now. He was somehow both fatter than he wanted and taller than he wanted, and even though he’d only bought these clothes six months ago, his arms and legs were already too long to fit them properly. He didn’t have nice shoes so he went barefoot, and he decided to pretend that he was a luxurious millionaire who had no need of nice footwear when he was spending the night alone in his apartment. The rain masked most of the farm noises, and he could pretend it was raining in the city." 

 This one was from a conversation I had with @dwarven-beard-spores one night about our Eliot themed head canons and it was the first work someone took the time to write for me. I think it will always hold a special place with me. 

"Eliot Waugh and the Case of the Cocooned Conjurers" @all-hale-eliot

“Because, madam, the corpses found previously had bank notes on their persons, discovered after the wrappings were removed at Brakebills,” he said, speaking of the graduate-level school of magical pedagogy where some magicians—myself included—had learned their trades and discovered their specialties. 

“Then explain the wrappings,” Quinn challenged the tall detective, and Waugh looked thoughtful for a moment. Fogg knelt down and used a thin knife to cut through the bands of material. They gave way after a moment and snapped upward, like thick industrial cable. 

“They were not used to subdue the victim,” Waugh noted, pointing. “Look there.” 

Honestly, just the idea of Eliot as Sherlock. I am in love. I love the quips and the wit and Eliot and these characters fit so well with this AU and I am so glad Lexi imagined it. 

"Sharing Skin" @oneeyeddestroyer

"Without waiting for his response, she rises from the couch and starts to make her way upstairs. Eliot nods his tacit agreement and pushes himself to his feet. He catches up to Margo in two strides; she reaches her hands behind her, a simple peace offering for a complicated situation. Acknowledging the weight of the gesture, Eliot laces his fingers into hers and allows her to lead him upstairs. When they reach the bathroom, Margo drops one of Eliot’s hands so she can open the door. A quick dance of her fingers around each other causes the candles lining the tub to ignite, one by one. The warm flickering illuminates the room with a soft glow. Something in the way the light catches Eliot’s face breaks Margo’s heart, and she reaches up to cup his chin, stretching onto her toes to be able to reach. Eliot’s face contorts in confusion. He is completely thrown by the softness of her touch, but it is most certainly welcome." 

Honestly, this is what I want to be when I grow up. I admire her writing so much. She has a way with words that just draws you in and I am just amazed with each story I read. 

"The Golden Tile" @highkingfen

"Eating his oatmeal, looking outside, the young magicians started to realize that, despite always looking for time alone like this, whenever he or Eliot was going to the city, they always end up missing each other. Maybe it was that they had been pulled from one another so many time and now they literally had to live together, but there was always an anxiety rising in Quentin's chest when Eliot wasn't around for more than a few hours. 

Or maybe it's because you've been thinking about him yesterday when you masturbated and now you feel guilty. 

Annoyed by his own mind talking to him, Quentin quickly threw the dirty bowl into the sink and went outside to start the day. Soon the dairy farmer that was selling them cheese and unpasteurized milk would come deliver their weekly goods against the few piles of money they'd gather by doing small jobs here and there with their magic. They always made sure the person asking for the service was not seeing it, but repairing a barn is easier with the Joseph Englewood spell number four than doing by hand." 

The amount of work and devotion that went into this one truly shows. Cath really did so much with this and I love it. From the Filliorian lore to the subtle details. I love it. 

"The Bed's Too Small" @thevolunteertomato

"This was another hard topic. He wasn't jealous of Margo- not in any way. She deserved to be king more than anyone. What he was jealous of, is that they were all doing something. Quentin went to get his masters, Julia was a goddess again granting miracles, Kady and Penny had worked out their issues and had kids- plural. Alice was simultaneously running the Library and Brakebills. And Eliot was lying in a bed that was far too small for him. He finally thought that'd he found something that worked. Fillory was supposed to be his life, but everything had promptly gone to shit. Then the ordeal with the quest and getting magic back, then making magic free. And the monster. He tries to stay positive or at least hopeful for Quentin’s sake but it was getting hard. Things seemed pretty bleak from his point of view. Everything he had ever had hope for turned into something terrible and worse than he'd ever feared." 

A good example of short but sweet. Credited with the shortest fic to make me cry. 

"Just Imagine Dragons...." @physicalkideliot

“This creature, whatever it is, took over and we don’t know when it’s him or if it’s him or...” 

“I have to do something.” Fen said as tears began to well up in her eyes. 

“All we can do is hope it’s not too late.” Margo whispered. 

“When I was a girl and I was sick, my father would sing lullabies to me. I don’t know any earth songs or even what Eliot’s favorite songs were.” She started to cry. 

“Hey, it’s ok, you can still sing to him if you want.” Quentin tried to comfort her. 

“I want something that will speak to his soul and his heart.” She said between tears. 

“I’m sure you’ll do fine Fen.” Quentin half smiled at her. 

“No it has to be something for him, that’s how it works.” 

“Ok... ummm.... Eliot’s songs....” 

“Dirty Dancing?” Margo chimed in. 

“He loved the movie but not sure the songs were that close to him.” Quentin said beginning to pace. 

“Ok... songs... he had to listen to music...” Quentin continued as he tried to think of a time when Eliot had music playing or any lyrics he may have quoted. 

“He listened to a variety.” Margo added. 

“Yeah but what song was like his?” Quentin stopped and looked over at Eliot and Fen. He walked over and sat next to the bed. 

“When the days are cold and the cards all fold and the saints we see are all made of gold...” Quentin started singing. 

“Really? Is it all just Imagine Dragons and Taylor Swift with you?” Margo quipped from the doorway. 

“I think he likes it.” Fen spoke after a moment. 

“Really?” Margo looked at Eliot then Quentin. 

Quentin sat back down next to the bed and continued singing. 

After a bit, Fen began humming along with Quentin’s singing. 

“Don’t get too close, it’s dark inside, it’s where my demons hide, it’s where my demons hide.” Quentin finished and wiped the few tears from his eyes. 

Eliot’s eyes fluttered. 

“Eliot?” Fen sat up. 

“Where am I?” His voice was hoarse. 

One of my season 4 ideas. I like exploring the sides of Eliot not many see. Adding in a bit of vulnerability adds a different dynamic. 

There are so many amazing writers in this fandom and I am so thankful for all of them. I am truly thankful and honored to be among them. To the writers in this fandom who have given me advice and helped me become a better writer I am truly thankful. 

[that-curly-haired-lesbian]

The Seven Husbands Of Evelyn Hugo + Taylor Swift: a master post - Part 5/6

Hi guys, welcome to part 5 of my masterpost regarding parallels between Taylor Swift and Evelyn Hugo, the fictional actress from the book The Seven Husbands Of Evelyn Hugo by author Taylor Jenkins Reid!

Before proceeding please be aware that there will be 

**MAJOR SPOILERS**

for the book ahead and please also read my disclaimer!

It’s very important that you read these in order so if you haven’t yet go ahead and check out the previous part right here, thank you and enjoy!

“And then she calmly, confidently took my hand. I bristled, unsure if we should be touching in public, scared of what people would do.  But the rest of the people on the street just kept on walking, kept on living their lives, almost entirely unaware or uninterested in the two famous women holding hands on the sidewalk.” (Pg. 234)

Admittedly not holding hands here, but this was actually the first thing that came into my head when I read the scene above…Here are some actual pictures of the girls holding hands in public though:

--

  “We went out to dinner in public, the four of us looking like two pairs of     heterosexuals, without a heterosexual in the bunch.” (Pg. 234)

This is once again Evelyn talking about their foursome of beards during the New York years and I believe this is something akin to what Taylor and Karlie were hoping to have with Josh and Joe/Tom (or whoever Taylor was meant to beard with long-term) pre-election disaster, hence that retrospectively embarrassing pap walk of Josh with Austin as a way to try and integrate Josh into to Taylor’s social circle so that her, her beard and Karlie and Josh could become “America’s favorite double daters” (as Evelyn describes it)

Obviously with the election turning out as it did Team Swift quickly reworked the plan.

--

Pages 234-238 is Evelyn talking of the Stonewall riots and how she remembers those days and there are specific parts of it that are interesting from a Gaylor/Kaylor point of view.

“Harry and I campaigned for Bobby Kennedy. Celia posed with Vietnam protesters on the cover of ‘Effect’. John was a vocal supporter of the civil rights movement and I had been a very public supporter of the work of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.” (x) (x)

“This was our people. And here they were, revolting against the police, in the name of their right to be themselves. While I was sitting in a golden prison of my own making.”

Gold cage, hostage to my feelings (x)

Evelyn, Celia, Harry and John discuss going to participate in the Stonewall riots, wishing they could be a part of this, of fighting for their own people, but ultimately Harry explains why they can’t best when he says:

  “We go down there all we do is attract attention away from the cause and       towards us. The story becomes about whether we are homosexuals and not   about the rights of homosexuals.”

Still wanting to help make a difference the gang discuss how they best can help and come to the conclusion that their best contribution is funding.

Evelyn says about it all:

  “Because of who I was, because of the sacrifices I made to hide parts of     myself, I was able to give more money than most people ever see in their entire lifetime. I am proud of that. But it does not mean that I wasn’t conflicted. And of course, a lot of the time that ambivalence was even more personal than it was political. I knew it was imperative that I hide, and yet I did not believe I should have to. But accepting that something is true isn’t the same as thinking that it is just.”

Remember kids, closeted does not mean ashamed! Taylor accepting that she has to beard does not mean she likes it or even supports the practice. She uses her voice and her money to stand up for the LGBT+ community continuously and that in itself is a brave act for someone who is so deeply closeted!!

--

On page 241 Evelyn refers to herself as “the sort of person who liked being extravagant and absurd.” Basically she’s saying she was extra af™ which just sort of reminded me of how we often comment on how extra™ Taylor is with her hints and teases and it also reminded me of that time Taylor sarcastically referred to herself as “a very subtle person” The two quotes have the same energy if you will!

--

On Evelyn’s birthday the gang goes out to dinner and Celia makes a small “happy birthday, I love you”-type speech which was reminiscent of the birthday posts, sweet! (pg. 242)

(one of many of course)

    “’You love me?’ She said.   ‘Oh my God, what an understatement,’ I told her. ‘You love me so much you can’t see straight?’” (Pg. 245)

   Too in love to think straight……………

--

Years after they last saw each other Evelyn meets back up with her abusive ex-husband, Don (one out of only two of her husbands who wasn’t a beard) when she’s put in a situation where the two of them have to do a movie together.

   “‘I know it doesn’t make up for what I did to you,’ he said.

   ‘Good,’ I said. ‘Because it really doesn’t.’

  ‘But I hope it might make you feel a little better,’ he said, ‘to know that I know I    was wrong, I know you deserved better, and I’m working every day to be a     better man.’

  ‘Well, it’s awfully late now,’ I said. ‘You being a better man does nothing for       me.’ (Pg. 256)

I wonder what we would’ve becomeeeee If you were a better mannnnn We might still be in loveeeee If you were a better mannnnn You would’ve been the onoooooe If you were a better mannnnnn

*The rest of Better Man plays softly in background*

--

On page 164 Evelyn gives Celia a bouquet of lilies which happens to be Karlie’s favorite flowers, Celia calls the flowers Gorgeous

--

When Celia finds out that Evelyn filmed a sex scene with her ex-husband without telling her she’s so upset she threatens to leave again, Evelyn’s reaction:

   “I sobbed.  And I pleaded. And I groveled, desperately, on my knees,           having long ago learned the lesson that you have to throw yourself at the     mercy of the things you truly want.” (Pg. 267)

    If you walked away I’d beg you on my knees to stay

--

The scene on pages 267-268 where Evelyn begs Celia to take her back has major How You Get The Girl/Delicate/Don’t Blame Me vibes…It’s too long to quote, but I dare you to go read it and tell me I’m wrong!

--

  “’I made people money. No one turns away money. They were all too happy to    get me in their movies and then talk about me behind my back.’” (Pg. 270)

Evelyn says this after discussing the rampant slut-shaming of her following her many marriages and her 1970’s film 3AM which people deemed both unbecoming of a lady and  unfeminist. She goes on to point out the duality of her image, while studios acknowledge that “sex sells” and therefore want Evelyn in their movies due to the audience pull she has they also slut shame her for her numerous marriages and choices in roles. When Monique points out that this eventually turned out fine as people these days praise Evelyn for her role in the film Evelyn points out:

  “’It’s all fine in hindsight,’ […] ‘Except that I spent years with a scarlet A on     my chest,’ […]” (Pg. 270)

Does the phrase “a scarlet A” sound familiar? Well, I bet ya:

  You were Romeo  I was a scarlet letter

and

  We show off our different scarlet letters

  Trust me, mine is better

Also sound familiar, right? In several of my queer analyses of Taylor’s songs I bring up the fact that “scarlet letter” refers not only to the literal scarlet A on main character Hester’s clothes, but also to the concept of sin in Nathaniel Hawthorne’s 1850 novel The Scarlet Letter. (x) (x) (x)

I continue to point out that I think Taylor uses the concept of the scarlet letter as sin to refer to her (in the eyes of the entertainment industry) scandalous secret homosexuality, the “celebrity sin” she’s guilty of.

Evelyn uses the analogy here to refer to her own status as “a sex pot” (her words, pg. 269) in Hollywood. She says that she is a “sex pot” of Hollywood’s own creation not only by the increasingly sexually charged roles she took on during the 70’s but also because of the numerous husbands the industry forced her to take as to not be outed. By forcing bearding on her the industry opened the doors for the constant slut shaming directed at Evelyn and I feel the industry has done much the same to Taylor. The recent for the slut-shaming she’s had to endure is (like Evelyn) the numerous men she’s dated, but she only did that to hide the truth of her (far fewer) true (gay) relationships. Considering my previous points on Taylor and the scarlet-letter/sin-metaphor I thought Evelyn’s use of the analogy here interesting and noteworthy. It is of course interesting too, that the movie for which Evelyn received the most scrutiny and shaming happens to be called 3AM, we all know that Taylor mentions 2AM rather frequently in her songs about love, which are of course where she has received the most scrutiny, her songs and all the “numerous boys” they are supposedly about. I pointed out this similarity between Evelyn’s movie title and a frequent motif in Taylor’s music earlier in this analysis, but thought it was worth pointing out 3AM as a possible blanket-metaphor for Taylor’s music within the context of this book yet again.

--

  “I broke Celia’s heart because I spent half my time loving her and the other     half hiding how much I loved her.” (Pg. 271)

  Sometimes when I look into your eyes   I pretend you’re mine all the damn time

                                //

  Your love is a secret I’m hoping, dreaming, dying to keep

--

  “I loved Celia and I shared my truth only with Celia.” (pg. 271)

  Even in my worst light, you saw the truth in me

Just like Evelyn Taylor is saying that even when her public reputation is bad and also very far from the actual true narrative of her life Karlie is the one that actually knows the truth and the only one she can share the full extent of that truth with.  

--

“I did a lot of things that hurt a lot of people and I’d do them all again if I had to.” (Pg. 172)

Those are Evelyn’s words and yet all I can hear are Taylor’s…

  Theeeeeey say I did something BAD                          […]   And I'd do it over and over and over again if I coUUUUld

--

  “I had very little energy left to try to hide who we were. I had learned   all too        well that pain is sometimes stronger than the need to keep up     appearances.” (Pg. 274)

It would seem that in the Reputation era Taylor too has very little energy left to try and hide, she has previously learnt all too well what keeping up appearances can cost you.

--

Thanks so much for reading, check out part 6, the finale!

[helenpowers]

Tattoos and Tiramisu Playlist

Listen Here: https://open.spotify.com/user/22cp3xuocmvlx7uqh7zok5r4a/playlist/1pzXVV0oDdjQXiGnx5simB?si=fXi73MbHTvi_m6_od-uA4A

Want to know what the songs have to do with the story? I’ve basically written an essay. Enjoy.

1.Geronimo by Sheppard

This song is super upbeat and fun to listen to. I feel like it is a relatively accurate depiction of James and Brooke’s relationship, but put into really simple terms. Things happen faster than either of them is used to (although not so quickly that it makes either of them uncomfortable. They both just accept that this is what they’re feeling and dive head first into it, although Brooke tends to have her doubts. This is usually the first song that plays when I start my playlist and it’s the one that gets me pumped to write.

2.  Be Somebody by Thousand Foot Krutch

This song is like James’ theme song. Whenever I write a scene that is particularly James heavy, I play this song to get me into the right mindset to portray him properly. I feel like it explains a lot of how he feels about Brooke as well. She brings out the best in him, and he wants nothing but to bring out the best in her as well. He feels a little bit trapped by his reputation, but also holds it close to him. It’s his natural defense from keeping people from getting too close or learning too much about him. He likes keeping his life private when possible.

3. Secrets by OneRepublic

I actually have a couple of songs from OneRepublic on the playlist for this novel. I love their music and a lot of their songs seem to fit different parts of the story. Secrets, in particular, fits the fact that Brooke and James both have things that they tend to keep to themselves. In fact, the only people outside of their families who really know about those things are each other. They begin to trust each other a lot throughout the course of the book and eventually they allow each other to see those parts of themselves that no one else gets to see.

4. Your Love Song by TJ Kingston

This is probably one of the only songs where the lyrics don’t necessarily fit the book (aside from the chorus). However, the general vibe of the song is very relaxing and has a very sincere sound to it. I imagine that it is how James sounds when he is trying to comfort Brooke. I love it.

5. The Night We Met by Lord Huron

This song is less about the main story and more about one that isn’t fully told within the pages of the book. This is the story of Brooke’s father and her mother, as told from her father’s point of view. They were young and their romance was passionate but short-lived. He thinks back to the early days of their relationship often and misses her. He never stopped being in love with her.

6. Song 6 by George Ezra

This is another one where the lyrics don’t necessarily fit the novel, or even one of the characters specifically. It just gives me such a romantic notion of dreaming about that one person you are missing more than anyone else.

7. I’m Yours by Jason Mraz

Brooke has a hard time believing that James could have feelings for her, but he does, and he’s willing to show her that he does. This song is him, convincing Brooke.

8. Something Just Like This by The Chainsmokers

James is kind and courteous. He understands Brooke’s eccentricities and her anxieties. He’s perfectly happy with their ordinary relationship. He’s not looking for something crazy and over the top romantic. Brooke feels unbelievably lucky to have someone like James be willing to learn about her and help her in any way he can. She’s happy with what they’ve got going on, and so pleased that James doesn’t ask for more out of her, and that he doesn’t try to be her hero or try to make her better.

9. Closer by The Chainsmokers

James and Brooke each have a reputation that precedes them around the school. While this song doesn’t necessarily get both of them right, it does give the right impression. Plus, by the time the two of them get together, things just seem to… happen. It’s their last year of high school after all, and they might not have time after this.

10. Shape of You by Ed Sheeran

In all honesty, this doesn’t really fit the relationship in this book at all. What it does do, however, is get me in the mood to write. This song was a lot of my motivation while writing/revising this book, and I never had the heart to take it off the playlist. It’s a bop, and both James and Brooke would have fun listening to it and dancing around.

11. Wish I Knew You by The Revivalists

If James and Brooke had been pushed together at a younger age, their lives would have been very different and they would have been very different people. They help each other in a lot of ways, and this song just captures that idea of wishing that they could have become these people sooner.

12. Heavy by Linkin Park

This song is Brooke. This is her anxiety and how it can take over her life. Her OCD being a monster in the back of her head. Most of the time, it’s not so bad, but when it takes over, it really takes over. It consumes her in a way that she hates and wishes that she could change, even though she knows that can’t ever really happen. This song is the embodiment of that feeling when your heart feels heavy in your chest because everything is going wrong.

13. When They Come for Me by Linkin Park

James has an ongoing battle with his reputation. He holds it close to his chest and tends to use it as a defense mechanism. The first verse of this song really captures that feeling.

14. Good Intent by Kimbra

I have a lot of songs that make me think about reputations for this book (ironically, none of them are from Taylor Swift’s Reputation album). James has friends who get into a lot of trouble, and he doesn’t do anything to stop them. He just helps them out of their tough spots when he needs to.

15. She’s Always a Woman by Billy Joel

Back when I was just starting to write this book, I went to my friends and asked them for songs that they think are super romantic. A good friend of mine brought this up as the song he thinks is genuinely one of the most romantic songs in existence. It stuck around while I was writing, and slowly became a bit of an anthem for how James thinks about Brooke. She has a lot of problems, but she’s always a woman.

16. My Type by Saint Motel

James famously hooked up with someone at a party once, and the reputation as a player has followed him around ever since. This song perfectly shows how everyone else sees his romantic endeavors.

17. Puzzle Pieces by Saint Motel

We’re puzzle pieces that don’t fit together. Brooke and James come from very different walks of life. They shouldn’t fit together, but they do.

18. My Silver Lining by First Aid Kit

Brooke has one thing that she’s been working towards for her entire life. Anything that can take that away from her scares her. However, the important thing that she knows about working towards goals is that there’s only one thing you can really do: keep on keeping on.

19. Hooked on a Feeling by Blue Swede

This is one of my favorite songs of all time. It’s fun and happy. James and Brooke are hooked on the feeling of having someone understand them. Plus this song is so fun it’s practically impossible to sit still while it’s playing.

20. Middle Fingers by MISSIO

Brooke and James don’t necessarily fall into the idea of a “normal person” that is set forth by society, but neither of them really care. Stick your middle fingers to the world and keep living your best life.

21. Fuckin’ Perfect by P!nk

I remember when this song came out and crying while watching the music video. It’s an incredibly sad song with an important message. You don’t have to be perfect for the world. Brooke’s ultimate downfall is that she wants to be perfect. She wants to live her version of the perfect life, and that’s just too stressful.

22. Romantic by Stanaj

Brooke and James are not typically romantic people. They don’t go out of their way to make grand romantic gestures for people. But when they’re together, something changes. They want to be romantic for each other. They want to have that Hollywood notion of love that seems so impossible.

23. Invisible by Linkin Park

This song has been on this playlist since the beginning. The first time I heard it, I knew that it needed to be baked into the story I was telling. Brooke has always felt invisible, beyond her reputation of being bossy and annoying. James doesn’t want her to ever feel that way again.

24. Starving by Hailee Steinfeld

I didn’t know that I was starving until I tasted you. Brooke didn’t know exactly how much she wanted to be noticed. How much she craved someone else’s attention and affection. Then James gave it to her and she became a bit addicted.

25. Moonlight by Grace Vanderwaal

The feeling of first love.

26. Sweat by All American Rejects

Honestly this song makes it seem like things are going to get a lot raunchier than they are. But James and Brooke have an effect on each other that they can’t seem to shake. They have the ability to make each other’s hearts race.

27. Rain by The Script

When you’re gone, all it does is rain. Heart break and grief. The seemingly impossible need to get back together.

28. Something I Need by OneRepublic

If you only live once, I want to live with you. The last line of this song is everything.

29. BLK CLD by XYLØ

This song was a much later addition to the playlist, but it made me think about the characters SO MUCH. This entire thing could be Brooke just… talking. Listening to this will give you a very good idea of who she is as a person.

[makakalimutin]

73 Questions (kunwari Vogue)

- What is one fear you would want to overcome? Yung social anxiety ko, yung sana di na ako matatakot sumagot ng telepono, makipag-interact sa mga taong di ko kilala. Makipag-usap sa future in-laws. hehe.

- What's something about yourself that you hope will change, but probably never will? Yung pakikipagsocialize ko haha sana mas makuda na ako, tsaka sa magiging jowa ko na sana maging sweet at clingy na ako, HAHA, never will.

- What is the best piece of advice that you have ever received? "May your heart remain breakable, but never by the same hand twice."

- What is the nicest thing someone has done for you? Yung mahalin ako kahit ganito ako HAHAHAHAHA ayieee, de charot. Siguro nung time na may nag-effort sakin na ilaan yung araw niya para lang maka-bonding ako haha sabi sayo TIME lang ang kailangan ko eh ☺

- What is the scariest thing you have ever done? Nakikipag-meet-up ako sa mga taong nakilala ko lang sa chat. Well, di pa ako napapahamak, let's see.

- What is the craziest thing you have ever done? Craziest thing na ba yung pumupunta pa rin ako hanggang ngayon sa bahay/office ng ex ko nang hindi niya alam? Haha.

- What is the most difficult thing you have ever done? Magparty at mag-inom ng gabi tas diretso pasok kinabukasan, walang tulog.

- What is one event in your past that has made you who you are? Nung natanggap ako dito sa first job ko, dito nag-umpisa yung pag-step up ko eh!

- What have you done in the last year that makes you proud? Yung nakakapagbigay na ko sa tita ko, yung may naipundar na ako, kasi sa wakas di ba, lahat ng pinaghirapan namin heto na, unti-unti nang bumabalik samin :)

- What is the biggest change you have made in your life the past year? Hindi na ako umiinom ng kape, at napapangitan na ako sa lasa ng alak. Ewan ko. Basta ang daming nagbago sakin nung 2018.

- What is something new you've learned recently? Maglaro ng PUBG at ML!!!!!

- What is the most frustrating thing that has happened to you recently? Yung di ako pumapasa sa mga inaapplyan ko haha lagi na lang, walang progress. Kung paano ako dati nung wala pa akong work, ganun pa rin ako hanggang ngayon, natataranta pag iniinterview.

- What is the first thing you notice about people? Kung totoo yung kinukuwento nila o nagsisinungaling lang. Grabe ang lala na ng trust issues ko haha pansin ko agad kung totoo o hindi. Ewan ko bakit kailangan pa magsinungaling sakin? Wala naman akong pake kung meron ka o wala ng ganitong bagay? Bakit kailangan pang magmayabang? Bat ganun?

- What do you value most in other people? Honesty. Tsaka time, basta paglaanan mo lang ako ng panahon at 'undivided attention', ok na ko mumsh.

- What small act of kindness was done to you that you will never forget? Pag pinagbubuksan ako ng pintuan, haha seryoso. Tsaka nung nagbibigay siya sakin ng notes nung mga panahon na nawawalan na ako ng gana sa lahat.

- What stresses you out more than anything? Yung social anxiety ko. Tsaka pag iniisip ko kung makakahanap pa ba ako ng bagong trabaho. Tsaka pag paubos na yung pera ko, nakakastress.

- What would you say the happiest day of your life was? May 3, 2018 ☺

- What is something about yourself that you hope will never change? Sana mahaba pa rin ang pasensya ko. Yun lang.

- What is the one question that you wish you knew the answer to? Ano bang meron sila na wala ako? Ano bang meron ako na wala sila? Bakit lagi na lang ako pinagkakaitan? Ay wait, tatlo na pala yang tanong ko haha.

- What aspect of yourself are you most insecure about? Physical appearance hahahahaha wala eh ganun talaga

- What is your biggest character flaw? Panget ako. De, bukod dun, siguro yung hirapa kong i-express yung emotions ko, di ako nagsasabi/nagsasalita pag may something na mali, kumbaga kinikimkim ko lang lahat sa sarili ko. Kaya heto nasasabihan ako na "nasa loob ang kulo".

- What is something that you did growing up that your parents never found out about? Yung nagba-blog ako?

- What is the most valuable thing you own? Bukod sa phone ko, yung mga notes na nakatago sakin.

- What is the first family trip that you can remember? Hindi mahilig bumiyahe yung mga kamag-anak ko, kaya wala akong kahit anong trip na mareremember, pero ang naalala ko lang eh yung huling beses na umuwi kami ng Bicol, tas pag tuwing gabi nagtatakbuhan kami kasi may mga aswang :)

- What is one thing you thought you would never give up but did? IKAW. Ayy wait bagay ka ba? Hanggang ngayon di pa rin ba ako nag-give up?

What is one event in history you wish you could have witnessed? Martial Law. Ewan. Baka mas maintindihan ko kung bakit ganun ang kinahinatnan ng lahat.

- What character from film, television, or literature do you most identify with? Yung mga zombie dun sa Night of the Living Dead hahahahaha

- What website do you visit the most? Why? Twitter. Ewan ko, basta mas gusto ko yon kesa sa Facebook.

- What is something you pretend to understand but really don't? Kapag about movies yung pinag-uusapan nila, di ako maka-relate eh.

- What's one thing you don't think you'll ever be able to do? Mag send ng nudes sa taong may jowa na ha ha ha ha opx.

- What's the best gift you've ever received? Pagmamahal haha charot. De, wala pa ring tatalo sa singsing ;)

- What is the best gift you have ever given? Choco Butternut Donut ♥

- What is the hardest part of your daily routine? Waking up, yung pagligo sa umaga jusko. Tsaka pagbiyahe.

- In your daily routine, what brings you the most joy? Pag bumibiyahe din actually, kasi nagsa-soundtrip lang ako nun tas kunwari mag-eemote, masarap sa feeling, tsaka yung nakakarating ako sa kung saan-saan. At masaya ako pag bagong sahod tas magsha-shopping ako hahahaha.

- What's the best part of waking up? Wala, kasi dun ko nararamdaman lahat ng mga anxieties ko sa buhay.

- Are you more afraid of missing an opportunity or making a mistake? Making a mistake, kahit paulit ulit akong nagkakamali natatakot pa rin ako haha, pag pinapalagpas ko naman ang opportunity ok lang kasi alam ko namang meron pa next time.

- Have you experienced something that happened to you that you have no explanation for? Oo. At di ko pa rin siya kayang i-explain how and why did it happened.

- In what way do you practically show your love to friends and family? Alam naman ninyong lahat na kuripot ako, so kapag halimbawa binilhan kita ng pabango HAHA. Basta, pag inuna kitang bilhan bago ang sarili ko, ibig sabihin nun special ka ☺

- When you think of 'home', what comes to mind? Yesss, makakapagsoundtrip ako ng malakas at kakanta lang ako ng kakanta. HAHA.

- When faced with conflict, do you confront, compromise or flee? Flee, duwag ako eh.

- When you hear the sound of ringing bells, what do you associate that sound with? Bell before communion.

- Who has been the kindest person to you in life? Si CJ ☺

- Who is your favorite actor or musician? Bruno Mars pa rin, hihi.

- What is the number one album on your phone? reputation !!

- What are your favorite song lyrics? "You and I walk a fragile line. I have known it all this time but I never thought I'd live to see it break."

- What song in your music library gets the most plays? Getaway Car - Taylor Swift

- If you could save three memories from your life forever, what would they be? First is nung nagba-ballroom dancing kami nung high school. Ewan ko kung bakit basta ang saya saya ko nung time na yun. Pangalawa, memories ko with my parents, kasi wala na akong maalalang kahit ano mula sa kanila, sorry. Pangatlo, nung nakita ko si Bruno Mars ng live!!

- If you had a day all to yourself, where would you go and what would you do? Gusto ko makapunta ng music festival, tapos nandun lahat ng fave kong performers, aaaaa that will be the best!!

- If you could have any job for a day, what would it be? Part ng production team, ng 24k Magic Tour/Reputation Tour.

- If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do? Bibilhin ko agad yung pagmamahal niya. Charot. Mag-aaply nako agad ng VISA hahahahaha bye guys

- If money were no concern, what country/region would you visit? Japan ☺

- If you could travel back in time, what year and place would you choose? Grade 5, 2007? Sa school ko nung elementary, dun nag-umpisa yung pagka-fucked up ko sa buhay hahahaha

- If you could go back in time and prevent one thing from happening, what would you choose? Could I prevent my parents' death?

- If you could be fluent in another language, which one would you choose? English para naman makapag-apply na ako sa BPO, haha.

- If you had to evacuate your home, what would you take with you? Yung mga inipon kong papel since elementary, may sentimental value sakin yong mga yon kaya hanggang ngayon nakatago pa rin.

- If you died tomorrow, what is one thing you would miss the most? Ano nga bang mami-miss ko. Ewan ko. Parang wala na yata. Kasi makakalimutan din naman nila ako eventually.

- If you knew your next meal was going to be your last, what would you eat? Spaghetti pa rin ☺

- If you could ask any President one question, what would it be? To Duterte, ANONG TRIP MO?!

- If you could meet anyone in history, who would it be? Marcos naman, tapos itatanong ko rin kung anong trip niya.

- Is it better to 'have loved and lost' or to 'never have loved at all'? Never have loved at all. Ang sakit pa rin maiwanan eh.

- Why do people enjoy movies with good endings? Kasi dun lang nafu-fulfill yung mga bagay na imposibleng mangyari sa realidad.

- Is it ever right to do the wrong thing? Kahit naman hindi tama gagawin nyo pa rin ang mali. Bahala kayo dyan.

- How do you determine if something is right or wrong? Ang hirap naman ng sagot dito haha, nasa pagdadala mo kasi yan eh, kung ok yung outcome, e di tama. Pero kung may naabala/nasaktan kang iba, e di mali. Tsaka iba iba ng point of view yan, yung pwedeng tama sayo, mali na pala sa kanya. Kaya kayo naghiwalay eh hahahahaha

- How would others have described you as a child? Tamad sa gawaing bahay. Hahahaha

- What is the top thing you want to accomplish in life? Gusto ko yung kada buwan bumibiyahe ako pa-ibang bansa. Yun lang.

- What is one thing on your bucket list? Makapunta ng Japan.

- How do you want to be remembered? Eto yung sinabi ko sa previous post ko, na pag namatay ako, makakalimutan din naman nila ako eventually, pero kung may makaalala sakin, sana hindi ako maalala as tatanga-tanga, or parang anino lang yan na di naman napapansin at walang emosyon, sana maalala nila yung weird side ko, na ako lang yung tanging ganun na nakilala nyo haha gets mo ba. Basta, in some ways sana napangiti ko kayo sa kaweirduhan ko.