#aaarhghh

[yoteyap]

literally how do you commission selfship without crumbling into dust every time. i have money and so many ideas but i'm just so insecure and shy and worried about creeping artists out so i just don't do it

[rivertakis]

Huge rant, I guess a little vent-y? nothing heavy. just my frustrations with being an artist

My relationship with art is so complicated. Ive been drawing for.. 4 over for years now?

and being an artist is such a huge part of me, its the only job i feel like id actually love, but because of that, im stuck between wanting to do art for myself as i usually do and pursuing it in a professional sense and doing work to improve my portfolio

Like. if i wanna work as an artist i have to have a good portfolio and have something to show, right?? but it also makes me crave the freedom i had of making art for myself only

working on other peoples ideas isnt my ideal, but itd help my career in the long-term even if it sucks for me. I mean, I'm only 17 and shouldnt be thinking that way but also aaarhghh yknow?

i feel so stuck. this is a constant crisis i have and i wish someone would just bonk me with a comically large mallet to reshufle my brain so things would make sense for once